All language subtitles for The Venture Bros s01e01 Dia de Los Dangerous.eng

Maybe.

Full house.

Okay, okay, enough.
I will give you the part.

That was for a '69 Charger, no?

There. No charges, okay?

Please, just go.

Take me with you.

Sorry, man.

Here, kid.

So, you see, by applying
the basic principles

of the scientific method to the matter,

we learn very quickly that
the myth of the Chupacabra

is just that... utter crap.

Now, if you apply these same
principles to Catholicism,

an interesting thing occurs.

Yes?

"English for Immigrants"
is in el proximo cuarto, numero 206.

So, anyone else have a question?

Okay, then.

Well, I hope my lecture has been as
enlightening for all of you as it has for me.

Really, you've all been... great.

Interesting lecture as always,
Dr. Venture.

I am only sorry there wasn't
a better turnout.

It's difficult to hold the students' attention
during Dia de los Muertos.

Oh, right, the crazy dead-people Christmas
you people celebrate.

What, is that supposed to be today?

Si.

Oh, great. Fantastic of you to tell me that
before I came all the way down here.

So, how do we do this?

Do you guys mail me a check, or do I
pick it up at the bursar's office or what?

Hey, Doc.

How'd your speech thing go?

All right, I suppose.

One or two of the students really
seemed to grasp...

You don't really care, do you?

Nah.

Hola, Se�or Samson.

See you back at the X-1
in a couple of hours.

- Hey, Pop!
- Boys.

This place is tits!
Divvy this.

- We got these boss Mexican hats...
- Sombreros!

And these super-cool sugar skulls
with our names on them.

Ah, there you are.
Your check, Dr. Venture.

Muchas gracias.

Super good.

Very generous of y... Oh, pesos.

Great. These zeroes
are all meaningless.

Damn it. You people have
giant bugs around here.

Ah, that is the monarch butterfly.

They migrate here to Mexico
this time of year.

The Aztecs believed they were the spirits of
the dead returning home.

Wow, but you're full
of helpful information, fella!

And how!

Say, it's not poisonous, is it?

I... You're kidding, right?

No, hijo, he's not poisonous.

That's where you're wrong, Mr. College.

Honey, what are you going on about?

Don't call me that
in front of the henchmen.

Keep it professional.

It's my old nemesis, Dr. Venture.

He's obviously followed us down here.

Someone must have leaked
our whereabouts to him, but who?

All right. Which one of you
sold the Monarch out?

Okay, okay.

I'm going to turn around
and close my eyes

and I want the guilty party
to step forward.

No judgments.
You won't be punished.

Just want to know who did it, okay?

Traitor!

Dirty bastard traitor!
I knew it was you, number...

- 37.
- Number 37!

Strike him from the roster,
Dr. Girlfriend.

- Speedy!
- Yes, Monarch.

You're being promoted.

I want you and a phalanx
of no less than three

and no more than five henchmen
to go and observe Dr. Venture.

Find out what he's doing here
and whether or not he knows about my...

sinister plan.

- Does this mean I'm getting my wings?
- No.

I'm never gonna get those wings.

Someday, Speedy, someday.

Here. How about I let you
drive the Monarch Mobile?

Horrible disease-carrying things.

But that might have been
someone's spirit, Pop.

All the more reason
to get it the hell off me.

Look, don't you kids
have someplace to be or something?

Well, here! Go... I don't know,
buy fireworks or something.

Just go somewhere that's
not next to your father.

I have urgent business to attend to
with a colleague of mine, Dr. Guevara,

the top man in his field.

I am sorry, Se�or Venture.

- Doctor.
- Si?

No, Dr. Venture.
What's Mexican for doctor?

Doctor.

As I was saying, I simply cannot
write you these prescriptions.

What? Why not?

The quantities you have specified are
practically criminal.

You have drugs on this list
with completely opposite applications,

you have none of the ailments
they treat...

But I have tripolar disorder.

- No.
- Oh, come on. Look at this place!

I realize I am a Tijuana doctor and all,
but even we have scruples.

I could lose my license to
practice Mexican medicine.

Okay. I see how it is.

And what would you prescribe
for Alexander Hamilton?

- Not much.
- Okay.

How about if, say...

President Benjamin Franklin
were to ask you?

Hey, I've been thinking.

Maybe instead of being super selfish
with the money Dad gave us,

we should try to do
something good with it.

Aw, crud. Like what, brown-noser?

Well, take a look
at old H.E.L.P.eR. there.

He's pretty beat up, don't you think?

Well, sure. He looks like

a dried-out turd
on a bad stretch of road. Why?

Hasn't H.E.L.P.eR.
always been there for us?

Hasn't he always been,
well, super helpful?

Sure, he's great.

Well, do you see what I see?

So you want to buy him car paint?

Leave the thinking to me,
Albert Ein-steen.

Let's get 'em!

What? Whoa. No. That's not the plan.

Boss just wants us
to observe Dr. Venture.

He's been trying to get
that bastard for years,

and what better way
than to kidnap his kids?

I'm sure to get my wings
if we pull this off.

Bring the Monarch Mobile around.

There they are! Go!

Dad's gonna be so super surprised
when he sees...

Mayday! Mayday!

Why?

Guys, heads up.
We got company.

He's got Speedy.
Nail him, boys!

Finally. Jeez.

Come on, Speedy.

Wow. He's really on there good.

Wow. That sucked.

What were you thinking?

Bringing them here?
Who told you to do that?

Well, we thought that...

Actually, it was Speedy's idea.

Great. So it was Speedy's idea.

Super idea, Speedy.
Where is he?

He didn't make it.

What do you mean?

Brock Samson got ahold of him, and he...

Samson. Jeez.

I don't need to hear the rest.

Poor little guy.

He was this close to
earning his wings, too.

But see? That's what I'm talking about!

Now Venture will send Samson
after the rest of us

and he'll go totally
sickhouse on our asses.

I like my ass, gentlemen.

Samson won't be a problem, sir.

You... No way. Is he dead?

Well, this changes everything.

Without his walking Swedish
murder machine,

the good doctor will have to do
just what I say, won't he?

Take them to the holding cell.

Hello. This is Dr. Venture.

Attention, Dr. Thaddeus Venture.

This is the Monarch speaking.

I'm currently unavailable right now,

but if you'd like to leave a message,
you can do so after the beep.

Thanks, and have a scientastic day.

Attention, Dr. Thaddeus Venture.

This is the Monarch speaking.
I have your boys.

If you ever want
to see them alive again...

Damn it!

No!

Oh, for the love of... Not again!

Wait a minute.

One...

two.

This is serious.

Brock! Come in, Brock!

Brock, seriously, this is an emergency.

Don't screen me.

Oh, H.E.L.P.eR., thank...
What the hell happened to you?

Yes, yes. Just...

Okay. H.E.L.P.eR.

Okay! H.E.L.P.eR!

Just get me back to the X-1.

Where are we?

You're supposed to be the super sleuths.
You figure it out.

We're in the belly of the lair
of the Monarch's hideout!

Correct, clever boy.

And with you two in my clutches,

I finally have your father
right where I want him.

What's your problem
with our dad, anyway?

Well, I... He's my nemesis,
my archenemy.

I don't think Pop thinks you're
his archenemy.

Come on, I'm sure the walls
of the Venture compound

are practically caked with the lingering
curses of the Monarch's name.

No.

I've never even heard him mention you.

Hey, I always thought Baron Underbheit
was Dad's archenemy.

Underbheit? Why, that
dime-store Dr. Doom isn't fit to...

Just you wait till your
father calls me back!

That should just about do it.

Let's see if I'm half
the genius I think I am.

Good news. Looks like I am.

H.E.L.P.eR., you are now my personal
walking, talking electric kidney.

Crap.

I'm gonna have to find
a more long-term solution.

H.E.L.P.eR., stay close to me. Come.

Kidney!

"No cure."

"Transplant from a healthy donor
of the same blood type."

Of course! One of the boys.

Where the hell are the boys?

Boys? Hello?
Hank, are you there? Dave? Dean?

Attention, Dr. Thaddeus Venture.
This is the Mo...

Listen. You boys don't have
any special way

of getting in touch with your dad
I should know about, do you?

I can't seem to get ahold of him.

We usually use our two-way
satellite-linked communicator watches.

No. I tried that already.
He's not answering.

I've left, like, a hundred messages.

Jeez, you'd think he cared
a little more about his kids.

I mean, I'm sure
he's worried sick about you two.

He's probably on his way right now

with the whole Mexican National Guard
or something.

It's just a little further, H.E.L.P.eR.

What the hell Brock is doing
all the way out here

when we need him most is beyond me,

but he is going to get
a hot little earful when...

I'm gonna go check on those boys.

- What?
- Nothing.

No. I know that sigh. What?

When we entered this relationship,

we both agreed that we were both people
who did not want kids.

I... What do you expect me
to do with them?

I thought their father would show up
in no time.

Do you know he's never even
told them he loves them?

You know what I think?

I think you're trying to compensate
for the loss of your own parents.

You never talk about that.

You want me to talk about it?

Fine. I'll tell you all about
that fateful summer,

the summer of the monarchs.

I was a mere eight years old,

practically a caterpillar
by butterfly standards.

My parents' private jet crashed
in New Jersey's fabled Pine Barrens

minutes after takeoff
from Newark Airport.

Miraculously, I survived.

My parents were not so fortunate.

When I came to, I was surrounded

by the most enchanting
monarch butterflies.

In time, they took me in
as one of their own.

They became my foster parents.

These were the halcyon days.

I'd play with my butterfly brethren.

I learned the mysterious secrets
of their ancient ways,

supping as their own young do
on a steady diet of milkweed,

thus assuring my toxicity to this day.

Then, one fateful morning in September,

I remember because it was
right around my birthday,

I was ecstatic by autumn's approach
because it meant the leaves of the trees

would be orange enough for me to build
even more convincing monarch wings.

I awoke and looked
for my monarch family,

but I couldn't find them.

I searched for days,
but no sign of them.

It was like losing my parents
all over again,

only much quieter.

So I wandered to the nearest highway,
took the first bus to New York

and claimed a fat inheritance.

It was only later that I learned that
monarchs migrate south for the winter,

here, to Mexico.

Oh, Tenderoni, that's the only real reason
I've come to Mexico,

to find my foster parents.

My big plan, all that work
I've had you doing,

it was just an excuse.

- Do you hate me now?
- Oh, Sweetie.

Butterflies only live about nine months.

What?

But those boys downstairs are alive,
and you're right.

They do need a father.

So you go down there and you love
those boys and never let go.

Oh, Brock.

How did this happen?

Where was I when you needed me most?

I know, H.E.L.P.eR.

He was like an angel,
my beautiful guardian angel

and this is where it got him.

Brock! You're alive!

It worked! My shrine worked!

It's not all superstitious nonsense.

What?

Oh, God, you're a zombie or something.

I never should have played God!

The folly of it! The hubris!

Boys.

Where are the boys?

Double damn it!

Hank, you said the double "D" word.

How are we ever gonna
get this gate open?

Which one of my special boys
is in the mood for piping-hot cookies?

Get him!

Oh, so you want to wrestle, eh?

No, you don't.

Nope.

Supposed to be right around here.

He was really specific
in all those messages he left.

Got it.

So, what's the plan?

How long can you live if you're
not hooked up to him?

Oh, I don't know, a couple hours, maybe,
but they'd be very uncomf...

Come on.

H.E.L.P.eR., you drive.
Keep her steady.

- Wait a minute. Where are we...
- Get in my car.

Quit screwing around.

What the hell was that?

Chupacabra. They're all over Mexico.

No way.

You had me scared for a minute there.

Get his legs!

No fair! It's two of you against one.

I don't know if there's enough
Monarch love to go around.

Holy crap!

What is going on here?

Minions! Where are you?

You get the boys.
I'll take care of these guys.

Are you sure?
There's an awful lot of them.

They hit me with a truck.

What's all that noise?

No time for questions, baby.

Fire up the smaller escape cocoon

ingeniously housed inside
this larger cocoon headquarters!

- Dad!
- Dad!

We knew you wouldn't let us down.

Just in the nick of time, too.

Monarch was getting
all creepy uncle on us.

You're the best dad in the whole world.

Yes, yes.

Go, Team Venture!

And so your father needs for one of you
to donate a kidney

so that I can keep on living and doing
the "best dad in the world" thing.

But... which one of us, Pop?

Well, I haven't decided yet.

I know. Rock, scissors, paper!

- You're on!
- Once, twice, three, shoot!

What happened?
I thought I had picked rock.

So did I.

And I picked two beautiful kidneys.

I feel freaking amazing.

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