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1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162
WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
1
00:00:12,945 --> 00:00:15,113
Hey, hey, hey. What do
you think you're doing?
2
00:00:15,180 --> 00:00:17,082
Getting my fingers
nice and foamy.
3
00:00:17,149 --> 00:00:18,216
Just the way I like 'em.
4
00:00:18,283 --> 00:00:19,784
Uh-uh-uh.
5
00:00:19,852 --> 00:00:23,021
No wife of mine is going to
do dishes on Valentine's day.
6
00:00:23,089 --> 00:00:24,856
You can do these tomorrow.
7
00:00:24,924 --> 00:00:26,457
Thanks so much.
8
00:00:26,525 --> 00:00:28,493
So, if you have
no other plans this evening,
9
00:00:28,560 --> 00:00:31,096
could I interest you in a
nice dinner out followed by
10
00:00:31,163 --> 00:00:33,598
a workout on the heavy bag?
11
00:00:35,200 --> 00:00:36,901
Well, that depends.
12
00:00:36,969 --> 00:00:38,803
What restaurant
are you taking me to?
13
00:00:38,871 --> 00:00:40,605
A little place
I like to call Manzi's.
14
00:00:40,673 --> 00:00:43,207
Manzi's? Doug,
you did good!
15
00:00:43,275 --> 00:00:45,010
Yeah.
I did, didn't I?
16
00:00:45,077 --> 00:00:48,479
All right. So, we're all set for a
sweet evening of sensual togetherness.
17
00:00:48,547 --> 00:00:50,348
Meet you there at 8:00.
18
00:00:50,415 --> 00:00:51,983
Meet me there? Why?
19
00:00:52,051 --> 00:00:54,519
It's Spence's birthday. We're
taking him out for a quick beer.
20
00:00:54,586 --> 00:00:57,756
Doug, it's Valentine's day. I don't
want to meet you at the restaurant.
21
00:00:57,823 --> 00:00:59,290
Why not?
It will be romantic.
22
00:00:59,358 --> 00:01:02,360
I'll walk in.
It'll be like, "hey!"
23
00:01:03,829 --> 00:01:05,730
Come on, Carrie.
I gotta do this for Spence.
24
00:01:05,798 --> 00:01:08,900
His birthday lands on Valentine's
day and he's Spence.
25
00:01:08,968 --> 00:01:10,334
It's a rough combo.
26
00:01:10,402 --> 00:01:12,236
All right, all right.
I'll meet you there.
27
00:01:12,304 --> 00:01:13,304
All right. 8:00.
28
00:01:13,372 --> 00:01:15,339
And we'll party
like it's 1999.
29
00:01:15,407 --> 00:01:16,340
[Laughs]
30
00:01:16,408 --> 00:01:17,976
You get... you get it?
31
00:01:19,045 --> 00:01:20,411
[Dishes clattering]
32
00:01:20,479 --> 00:01:22,213
Hey, Hef'.
33
00:01:22,281 --> 00:01:25,083
You gonna get dressed? The
dance starts in a half-hour.
34
00:01:25,151 --> 00:01:27,052
I'm not going.
I got a fever.
35
00:01:27,119 --> 00:01:28,787
Here, look at this.
36
00:01:29,655 --> 00:01:31,355
111.
37
00:01:31,423 --> 00:01:33,958
Wow! I should be in bed.
38
00:01:34,026 --> 00:01:36,294
Dad, what are you doin'?
39
00:01:36,361 --> 00:01:39,430
Look, I just don't want to go to
that stupid old peoples' dance.
40
00:01:39,498 --> 00:01:42,466
Why not?
It'll be fun.
41
00:01:42,534 --> 00:01:44,803
There'll be a little bunch
of hotties there, huh?
42
00:01:44,870 --> 00:01:47,305
Hey, I've been to these
meat markets before.
43
00:01:47,372 --> 00:01:48,940
Those women are like vultures.
44
00:01:49,008 --> 00:01:51,209
If a man has a pulse
and a driver's license,
45
00:01:51,276 --> 00:01:54,045
they're all over him
like he's van Johnson.
46
00:01:55,414 --> 00:01:57,716
Dad, cards on the table.
47
00:01:57,783 --> 00:02:01,252
I want you out of the house by
the time Doug and I get home.
48
00:02:01,320 --> 00:02:04,455
I want that very, very much.
49
00:02:06,158 --> 00:02:09,994
So go put on some pants
and some canoe. OK?
50
00:02:10,062 --> 00:02:11,196
- Don't I...
- No.
51
00:02:11,263 --> 00:02:12,764
- But I...
- No buts.
52
00:02:12,832 --> 00:02:13,832
Fine.
53
00:02:13,899 --> 00:02:16,167
See, isn't it nice
to compromise.
54
00:02:19,972 --> 00:02:23,241
Uh, hi, Mrs. Olchin. It's Doug
Heffernan. Is Spence ready?
55
00:02:23,308 --> 00:02:24,909
(Mrs. Olchin)
He's not home.
56
00:02:24,977 --> 00:02:27,445
Why don't you boys come
on up and wait for him?
57
00:02:27,512 --> 00:02:29,047
[Buzzer buzzing]
58
00:02:32,952 --> 00:02:35,854
Usually we just buzz and he comes
down. What's this all about?
59
00:02:35,921 --> 00:02:38,056
I don't know. You guys
ever been up there?
60
00:02:38,124 --> 00:02:39,124
You?
61
00:02:39,191 --> 00:02:40,892
Once. When I was,
like, 10.
62
00:02:40,960 --> 00:02:43,694
All I remember
is jell-o and fear.
63
00:02:45,330 --> 00:02:46,865
[Buzzer buzzing]
64
00:02:47,699 --> 00:02:49,267
[Knocking on door]
65
00:02:51,637 --> 00:02:54,839
Doug!
Oh, it's been years.
66
00:02:55,975 --> 00:02:58,910
Oh, look how
you've filled out. Oh!
67
00:02:58,978 --> 00:03:00,178
Hi, Mrs. Olchin.
68
00:03:01,147 --> 00:03:03,381
Oh. Come in. Oh.
69
00:03:03,448 --> 00:03:05,016
You must be Deacon.
70
00:03:05,084 --> 00:03:06,684
How did you guess?
71
00:03:08,821 --> 00:03:09,754
Oh.
72
00:03:11,490 --> 00:03:13,324
[Sighs]
73
00:03:13,392 --> 00:03:16,928
And, uh, that must mean you're
Richie, the ladies man.
74
00:03:16,996 --> 00:03:21,399
Well, don't try any slick moves on
this lady 'cause I've seen them all.
75
00:03:22,668 --> 00:03:23,835
OK, sure.
76
00:03:25,370 --> 00:03:26,570
Oh.
77
00:03:26,638 --> 00:03:29,974
Come in. Come in.
Sit, sit, sit, sit.
78
00:03:30,042 --> 00:03:32,911
I'll get us some snacks.
79
00:03:32,978 --> 00:03:36,281
Look, a wonderful onion dip.
80
00:03:36,348 --> 00:03:39,184
I made it with soup.
81
00:03:39,251 --> 00:03:42,720
Soup, really? That's just, uh...
is Spence coming home soon?
82
00:03:42,788 --> 00:03:45,389
Any minute. I sent him out
to get me cigarettes,
83
00:03:45,457 --> 00:03:46,791
but the joke's on him.
84
00:03:46,859 --> 00:03:50,394
I've got 5 cartons here
at the house.
85
00:03:50,462 --> 00:03:52,063
[Guffawing]
86
00:03:52,131 --> 00:03:53,597
[All laughing nervously]
87
00:03:56,468 --> 00:03:57,668
Good one.
88
00:03:59,038 --> 00:04:01,306
Why did you do that?
89
00:04:01,373 --> 00:04:06,410
Because we're having a
surprise party for him, silly.
90
00:04:06,478 --> 00:04:10,548
Oh, isn't it a grand idea?
I tell you boys,
91
00:04:10,615 --> 00:04:13,684
this is gonna be
a night to remember.
92
00:04:13,752 --> 00:04:14,919
Mmm. Oh.
93
00:04:15,654 --> 00:04:16,587
Mmm.
94
00:04:24,696 --> 00:04:26,430
Hi. Stoli rocks,
please.
95
00:04:26,498 --> 00:04:27,498
Coming up.
Thanks.
96
00:04:30,802 --> 00:04:32,370
♪ [Music playing]
97
00:04:40,112 --> 00:04:41,279
[Sniffs]
98
00:04:42,814 --> 00:04:44,282
Can I help you?
99
00:04:45,117 --> 00:04:46,684
You smell good.
100
00:04:46,752 --> 00:04:48,253
Yeah. Thanks.
101
00:04:48,320 --> 00:04:49,320
You want to smell me?
102
00:04:49,388 --> 00:04:51,356
Not so much.
103
00:04:51,423 --> 00:04:53,491
Suit yourself.
I'm Tito.
104
00:04:54,326 --> 00:04:55,626
And you are?
105
00:04:55,694 --> 00:04:57,095
Waiting for my husband.
106
00:04:57,162 --> 00:04:59,764
Whoa-oa-oa!
Tito retreat-o.
107
00:05:01,333 --> 00:05:03,268
Just making small talk.
108
00:05:03,335 --> 00:05:05,336
Waiting for my date to arrive.
109
00:05:06,205 --> 00:05:07,471
Lucky gal.
110
00:05:11,743 --> 00:05:13,278
♪ [Piano playing]
111
00:05:14,113 --> 00:05:15,780
[People chattering]
112
00:05:21,921 --> 00:05:23,554
Excuse me.
113
00:05:23,622 --> 00:05:26,357
Would you, by any
chance, like to dance?
114
00:05:26,425 --> 00:05:27,425
No.
115
00:05:28,327 --> 00:05:29,660
But why?
116
00:05:29,728 --> 00:05:31,996
Because I'm married.
Now, scram.
117
00:05:33,598 --> 00:05:34,698
Creep.
118
00:05:35,734 --> 00:05:39,170
Ma, will you come on?
119
00:05:39,238 --> 00:05:41,672
Look at this place.
Where did you bring me?
120
00:05:41,740 --> 00:05:42,974
A nursing home?
121
00:05:43,042 --> 00:05:44,708
Forget it.
I'm out of here.
122
00:05:44,776 --> 00:05:47,011
Now, ma. You have not
been on a date in years.
123
00:05:47,079 --> 00:05:48,679
Now, you are doing this.
124
00:05:48,747 --> 00:05:52,350
Look, try to enjoy yourself,
OK? I'll pick you up at 10:00.
125
00:05:52,418 --> 00:05:56,454
14 hours I was in labor
with you. Very nice.
126
00:05:56,521 --> 00:05:57,655
Goodbye.
127
00:05:57,722 --> 00:05:59,190
I'm not talking to anyone.
128
00:05:59,258 --> 00:06:00,658
I don't care.
129
00:06:18,177 --> 00:06:19,510
I'm married.
130
00:06:20,879 --> 00:06:22,280
Relax, buddy.
131
00:06:22,348 --> 00:06:25,149
'Cause you know what?
I'm married, too.
132
00:06:31,123 --> 00:06:34,425
My wife's in the hospital,
if you must know.
133
00:06:34,493 --> 00:06:38,662
Wow, very nice of you to be
with her on Valentine's day.
134
00:06:38,730 --> 00:06:41,165
Visiting hours
ended at 7:00.
135
00:06:41,233 --> 00:06:43,934
All right, all right.
Jeez.
136
00:06:47,539 --> 00:06:50,708
My husband's away on business,
in case you were wondering.
137
00:06:50,775 --> 00:06:51,976
I wasn't.
138
00:06:54,079 --> 00:06:55,746
So, what's wrong
with your wife?
139
00:06:55,814 --> 00:06:58,616
Oh, they're doing
a... a scan on her
140
00:06:58,683 --> 00:07:00,718
with that, uh,
with that scope thing.
141
00:07:00,785 --> 00:07:02,453
Maybe a probe, too.
142
00:07:04,189 --> 00:07:05,689
Sounds serious.
143
00:07:05,757 --> 00:07:08,493
Oh, it's one thing
after another with her.
144
00:07:12,131 --> 00:07:14,598
So, would you like
to get some punch?
145
00:07:15,667 --> 00:07:17,801
Guess there's no harm in that.
146
00:07:23,308 --> 00:07:25,143
♪ [Mrs. Olchin humming]
147
00:07:32,617 --> 00:07:34,018
I don't like it here.
148
00:07:34,086 --> 00:07:35,586
Where the hell
is Spence, anyway?
149
00:07:35,654 --> 00:07:36,987
I just want
to do this and leave.
150
00:07:37,056 --> 00:07:38,856
Hey, hey, at least your
wife's out of town.
151
00:07:38,924 --> 00:07:40,124
You don't have to be anywhere.
152
00:07:40,192 --> 00:07:42,793
I gotta meet Carrie
in a minute and a half.
153
00:07:42,861 --> 00:07:44,295
(Mrs. Olchin)
I think I see him.
154
00:07:44,363 --> 00:07:46,064
Great, he's here.
We'll say, "surprise,"
155
00:07:46,131 --> 00:07:48,266
throw down some punch, and
get the hell out of here.
156
00:07:48,333 --> 00:07:49,767
He's coming!
Quick!
157
00:07:49,834 --> 00:07:52,670
Let's all hide in the closet.
158
00:07:52,737 --> 00:07:54,738
Couldn't we just
stay here and crouch?
159
00:07:54,806 --> 00:07:57,808
Oh! Don't be
a spoilsport.
160
00:07:57,876 --> 00:07:59,544
Come on. Quick!
161
00:08:00,212 --> 00:08:02,280
Chop, chop.
162
00:08:02,347 --> 00:08:04,882
Go, go!
Make room for mommy!
163
00:08:04,950 --> 00:08:07,618
Oh, I think I've died
and gone to heaven.
164
00:08:09,654 --> 00:08:10,955
Mom!
165
00:08:11,022 --> 00:08:12,823
Mom!
166
00:08:12,891 --> 00:08:16,494
Ma, they didn't have 120s
so I got 100s.
167
00:08:17,596 --> 00:08:18,662
Mom!
168
00:08:18,730 --> 00:08:20,331
Surprise!
169
00:08:22,033 --> 00:08:23,367
Surprise.
170
00:08:23,435 --> 00:08:24,802
Surprise.
Surprise.
171
00:08:27,239 --> 00:08:30,141
♪ It's your birthday,
Valentine ♪
172
00:08:30,209 --> 00:08:31,309
Mom...
173
00:08:31,376 --> 00:08:33,677
♪ So eat some cake
and drink some wine ♪
174
00:08:33,745 --> 00:08:35,613
- ♪ Celebrate! ♪
- Mom!
175
00:08:35,680 --> 00:08:37,381
Spencer, don't interrupt.
176
00:08:37,449 --> 00:08:39,049
- ♪ It's your birth... ♪
- Stop it!
177
00:08:39,118 --> 00:08:40,784
I... I hate when you
do things like this.
178
00:08:40,852 --> 00:08:42,153
Spencer!
179
00:08:42,221 --> 00:08:43,554
This is why I never have
the guys over.
180
00:08:43,622 --> 00:08:45,889
You always have to embarrass me.
I hate you, I hate you!
181
00:08:45,957 --> 00:08:48,192
Oh, go! Leave!
182
00:08:48,260 --> 00:08:49,594
Just like your father
183
00:08:49,661 --> 00:08:51,862
and every other man
in my life!
184
00:08:51,930 --> 00:08:54,064
[Crying]
185
00:08:54,133 --> 00:08:57,335
Spence Olchin pees
sitting down.
186
00:08:57,402 --> 00:08:59,137
(Spence)
Shut up, mom!
187
00:09:00,139 --> 00:09:01,572
Well,
188
00:09:01,640 --> 00:09:04,442
at least you boys
haven't abandoned me,
189
00:09:04,510 --> 00:09:06,477
or I don't know what I'd do.
190
00:09:06,545 --> 00:09:07,612
[Laughing]
191
00:09:07,679 --> 00:09:11,081
Probably take
a bottle of pills.
192
00:09:11,150 --> 00:09:13,618
Oh, but this isn't
party talk, is it?
193
00:09:15,487 --> 00:09:17,721
So, all right.
194
00:09:17,789 --> 00:09:18,989
♪ [Music playing]
195
00:09:19,057 --> 00:09:21,892
Who's gonna dance
with me first?
196
00:09:48,787 --> 00:09:50,488
[Cell phone ringing]
197
00:09:52,457 --> 00:09:53,724
Hello?
198
00:09:53,792 --> 00:09:54,958
Doug.
199
00:09:55,026 --> 00:09:57,861
Where are you?
It's... it's 8:15.
200
00:09:57,929 --> 00:09:59,763
I'm in hell.
201
00:09:59,831 --> 00:10:01,432
(Mrs. Olchin)
OK, watch.
202
00:10:01,500 --> 00:10:04,001
First they put
a little alcohol on it.
203
00:10:04,069 --> 00:10:05,336
[Projector whirring]
204
00:10:05,404 --> 00:10:07,638
Watch out, baby Spence.
205
00:10:07,706 --> 00:10:10,708
You're about to lose
a piece of your tinkie.
206
00:10:12,377 --> 00:10:14,512
Look, Carrie,
she's not stable.
207
00:10:14,580 --> 00:10:15,879
I ca-can't just leave,
208
00:10:15,947 --> 00:10:18,516
I have to finesse my way
out of here.
209
00:10:18,584 --> 00:10:21,118
I'll be there very soon,
I... I promise.
210
00:10:23,388 --> 00:10:24,788
Oh, dear God!
211
00:10:27,226 --> 00:10:28,526
I gotta go.
212
00:10:32,931 --> 00:10:35,366
OK! You boys stay here.
213
00:10:35,434 --> 00:10:37,835
I'll go mix us up
some more happy juice.
214
00:10:37,902 --> 00:10:40,605
Hmm, you missed the movie.
215
00:10:40,672 --> 00:10:41,905
All right.
I'm outta here.
216
00:10:41,973 --> 00:10:43,474
Let's do it.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
217
00:10:43,542 --> 00:10:44,709
What?
Come on.
218
00:10:44,776 --> 00:10:46,477
This woman is very fragile.
219
00:10:46,545 --> 00:10:48,912
If we walk out now,
she'll snap.
220
00:10:48,980 --> 00:10:50,548
[Pager beeping]
221
00:10:50,616 --> 00:10:51,882
That's me.
222
00:10:54,253 --> 00:10:56,254
A 5 alarm fire in a hospital.
223
00:10:57,055 --> 00:10:58,055
Yes!
224
00:10:59,558 --> 00:11:01,759
Mrs. Olchin,
I have to go!
225
00:11:01,826 --> 00:11:04,462
There's a big fire
and they want me there
226
00:11:04,529 --> 00:11:07,265
since I'm a fireman, to put
the fire out, and whatnot.
227
00:11:07,332 --> 00:11:08,532
Aw!
228
00:11:08,600 --> 00:11:10,234
OK, but you be careful.
229
00:11:10,302 --> 00:11:11,969
And don't forget
your goody bag.
230
00:11:13,639 --> 00:11:14,739
Got it.
231
00:11:16,975 --> 00:11:18,709
Have fun, losers.
232
00:11:24,750 --> 00:11:26,216
(Arthur)
Oh, who am I kidding?
233
00:11:26,285 --> 00:11:28,586
My marriage
is a loveless farce.
234
00:11:28,654 --> 00:11:31,188
It has been from day one.
235
00:11:31,256 --> 00:11:35,259
Well, I'll tell you something,
I know exactly how you feel.
236
00:11:35,327 --> 00:11:37,762
Do you?
Oh, yes.
237
00:11:37,829 --> 00:11:40,864
My husband and I
sleep in the same bed,
238
00:11:41,700 --> 00:11:43,200
but we're strangers.
239
00:11:45,704 --> 00:11:48,406
What can we do?
We took our sacred vows.
240
00:11:48,473 --> 00:11:49,473
That we did.
241
00:11:49,541 --> 00:11:50,608
Although...
242
00:11:50,676 --> 00:11:51,909
Yes?
243
00:11:51,976 --> 00:11:54,779
Sometimes I wonder
what it would be like
244
00:11:54,846 --> 00:11:57,181
to forget those stupid vows
245
00:11:58,617 --> 00:12:02,953
and share a passionate embrace
with a beautiful woman.
246
00:12:04,423 --> 00:12:05,456
Oh, my!
247
00:12:07,058 --> 00:12:08,992
Does my candor shock you?
248
00:12:09,661 --> 00:12:12,996
Yes, but go on.
249
00:12:13,064 --> 00:12:16,066
Do you think I could, uh,
buy you a dinner sometime?
250
00:12:16,134 --> 00:12:17,100
Dinner?
251
00:12:17,168 --> 00:12:18,636
Just as friends, of course,
252
00:12:18,704 --> 00:12:20,604
since we're both married.
253
00:12:20,672 --> 00:12:22,573
To other people, of course.
254
00:12:22,641 --> 00:12:23,708
Of course.
255
00:12:23,775 --> 00:12:24,908
[Both laughing]
256
00:12:26,411 --> 00:12:28,145
I know a quiet little cafe.
257
00:12:30,582 --> 00:12:33,617
Sounds wonderful.
Where is it?
258
00:12:33,685 --> 00:12:35,820
On the ground floor
of the St. Argyle...
259
00:12:37,121 --> 00:12:38,055
Hotel.
260
00:12:42,627 --> 00:12:43,994
[Cell phone ringing]
261
00:12:45,630 --> 00:12:46,564
What?
262
00:12:48,834 --> 00:12:50,735
Doug, are you kidding me?
263
00:12:50,802 --> 00:12:54,271
I... I just can't leave
until Spence gets home.
264
00:12:54,339 --> 00:12:56,741
No, he won't stay here alone.
265
00:12:56,808 --> 00:12:58,642
You know what?
I'm just gonna go home.
266
00:12:58,710 --> 00:13:00,244
No, no, no. Stay there.
267
00:13:00,311 --> 00:13:02,279
Listen, we can salvage
this night.
268
00:13:02,347 --> 00:13:03,981
Just stay and eat dinner.
269
00:13:04,048 --> 00:13:06,584
I... I'll be there by dessert,
I promise.
270
00:13:06,651 --> 00:13:08,619
OK, fine.
But just hurry.
271
00:13:08,687 --> 00:13:09,787
OK, I... I love you.
272
00:13:09,855 --> 00:13:11,054
Yeah, yeah.
273
00:13:13,258 --> 00:13:15,158
Did your husband get delayed?
274
00:13:15,226 --> 00:13:16,193
Yes.
275
00:13:16,261 --> 00:13:17,194
[Phone ringing]
276
00:13:17,262 --> 00:13:18,962
I gotta tell you,
if I was him,
277
00:13:19,030 --> 00:13:21,198
there's no way I'd let a stallion
like you wait alone at some bar.
278
00:13:21,266 --> 00:13:23,901
A stallion is a male
horse, you idiot.
279
00:13:23,968 --> 00:13:26,069
(Bartender) Is there
an Albert Blot here?
280
00:13:26,137 --> 00:13:27,204
Right here.
281
00:13:28,306 --> 00:13:29,774
That's my nickname.
282
00:13:31,042 --> 00:13:32,075
Hello?
283
00:13:32,143 --> 00:13:34,445
Hi, baby.
What's... what's keeping you?
284
00:13:34,513 --> 00:13:36,547
Uh, excuse me, I'm ready
to be seated now.
285
00:13:36,615 --> 00:13:38,048
My husband's gonna
meet me later.
286
00:13:38,116 --> 00:13:39,850
Very, good, ma'am.
OK.
287
00:13:39,918 --> 00:13:42,352
Well, would you wanna
go out another time?
288
00:13:44,255 --> 00:13:45,989
Oh.
289
00:13:46,057 --> 00:13:48,526
So the whole thing
was a big joke, huh?
290
00:13:50,328 --> 00:13:53,030
No, no. It was funny.
I'm laughing.
291
00:13:54,866 --> 00:13:56,434
Well, bye.
292
00:14:09,948 --> 00:14:11,214
- Mrs. Heffernan?
- Yeah.
293
00:14:11,282 --> 00:14:13,484
- Your table's ready.
- OK. Thank you.
294
00:14:13,552 --> 00:14:15,619
Tito, you're with me.
295
00:14:22,861 --> 00:14:25,362
♪ [Music playing]
296
00:14:34,372 --> 00:14:36,006
[Inaudible]
297
00:14:40,479 --> 00:14:42,312
Whoo-hoo!
298
00:14:44,115 --> 00:14:46,283
[Inaudible]
299
00:14:46,351 --> 00:14:48,586
Oh, Deke, do you want to cut in?
Whoa, whoa.
300
00:14:48,653 --> 00:14:49,753
OK.
301
00:14:49,821 --> 00:14:51,421
I... I'm just going
to the bathroom.
302
00:14:51,490 --> 00:14:52,422
Hmm.
303
00:14:56,027 --> 00:14:58,896
♪ [Mrs. Olchin humming]
304
00:14:58,964 --> 00:15:00,130
Oh, you know what, Ronnie?
305
00:15:00,198 --> 00:15:02,032
Looks like I...
oh, looks like I need
306
00:15:02,100 --> 00:15:03,567
another one
of these apricot sours.
307
00:15:03,635 --> 00:15:05,569
Another one? Oh!
308
00:15:05,637 --> 00:15:08,005
Somebody has a hollow leg.
309
00:15:08,072 --> 00:15:10,508
Yes, my leg is hollow.
310
00:15:10,575 --> 00:15:11,609
Whoo!
311
00:15:18,349 --> 00:15:19,984
Psst. Hey, Deke.
312
00:15:20,051 --> 00:15:21,519
Think I have an idea.
313
00:15:21,586 --> 00:15:22,820
When she comes back out,
314
00:15:22,888 --> 00:15:24,254
I'm gonna pretend
like I'm having
315
00:15:24,322 --> 00:15:25,923
a bad reaction
to that onion dip,
316
00:15:25,991 --> 00:15:28,626
which, by the way,
I think I am.
317
00:15:28,693 --> 00:15:30,460
And you offer to drive
me to the hospital,
318
00:15:30,529 --> 00:15:31,662
and we're home free.
319
00:15:31,730 --> 00:15:32,730
[Clearing throat]
320
00:15:32,797 --> 00:15:33,898
You with me?
321
00:15:35,266 --> 00:15:36,199
Deacon?
322
00:15:38,937 --> 00:15:39,870
No!
323
00:15:54,419 --> 00:15:56,587
- Albert?
- Yes.
324
00:15:56,655 --> 00:16:00,290
Could you not touch every
single piece of garlic bread?
325
00:16:00,358 --> 00:16:01,592
Oh, sorry.
326
00:16:02,360 --> 00:16:03,293
That's mine!
327
00:16:04,462 --> 00:16:05,395
Sorry.
328
00:16:06,965 --> 00:16:08,265
Ooh, a photographer.
329
00:16:08,332 --> 00:16:09,934
Hey, over here!
330
00:16:10,001 --> 00:16:11,435
Is it OK if I get
a picture of us?
331
00:16:11,502 --> 00:16:12,970
Yeah, fine. Fine.
332
00:16:13,038 --> 00:16:15,405
Great. This way I can tell the
guys at work I bagged you.
333
00:16:16,240 --> 00:16:18,175
That's it.
334
00:16:18,242 --> 00:16:19,276
- Up.
- Huh?
335
00:16:19,343 --> 00:16:20,844
Get up! Get up!
336
00:16:22,981 --> 00:16:24,582
Now sit over there.
337
00:16:28,653 --> 00:16:32,056
Albert,
do you have any idea
338
00:16:32,123 --> 00:16:34,458
why that girl didn't want
to go out with you tonight?
339
00:16:34,525 --> 00:16:35,693
No?
340
00:16:35,760 --> 00:16:38,495
Because you act
like a schmuck.
341
00:16:38,563 --> 00:16:39,964
Now, I'm taking a gamble
342
00:16:40,031 --> 00:16:42,165
that maybe, just maybe,
343
00:16:42,233 --> 00:16:44,969
deep down underneath,
you're not a schmuck.
344
00:16:45,036 --> 00:16:48,271
So starting now,
you're gonna act normal.
345
00:16:48,339 --> 00:16:50,173
Now, if you slip up once,
I'm gone.
346
00:16:50,241 --> 00:16:51,742
Do you understand?
347
00:16:51,810 --> 00:16:54,177
Good. Albert, look at my
eyes, not at my chest.
348
00:16:56,948 --> 00:16:58,181
Good.
349
00:16:58,249 --> 00:17:00,417
Now talk.
350
00:17:00,485 --> 00:17:02,285
What should I talk about?
351
00:17:02,353 --> 00:17:04,554
I don't know. Just tell me
what you do for a living.
352
00:17:04,623 --> 00:17:06,123
I'm an assistant manager.
353
00:17:07,025 --> 00:17:08,025
At?
354
00:17:08,093 --> 00:17:09,126
Kinko's.
355
00:17:09,193 --> 00:17:10,794
Kinko's, good.
356
00:17:10,862 --> 00:17:13,964
Now as much as I may
regret saying this,
357
00:17:14,032 --> 00:17:15,866
tell me more about that.
358
00:17:20,338 --> 00:17:21,672
You realize, of course,
359
00:17:21,740 --> 00:17:23,300
we're going to have
to be very discreet.
360
00:17:23,341 --> 00:17:24,574
Of course.
361
00:17:24,643 --> 00:17:26,677
We must never call
each other at home.
362
00:17:26,745 --> 00:17:30,480
Right, and if we do,
we use funny voices.
363
00:17:30,548 --> 00:17:33,517
So, you sure you can
make it every Wednesday?
364
00:17:33,584 --> 00:17:36,253
Oh, yes.
My husband plays golf.
365
00:17:36,320 --> 00:17:37,587
You?
366
00:17:37,656 --> 00:17:39,657
Never played.
367
00:17:39,724 --> 00:17:42,026
No, I meant, can you make it?
368
00:17:42,093 --> 00:17:43,160
Of course.
369
00:17:43,227 --> 00:17:45,495
Every Wednesday my wife
gets a high colonic.
370
00:17:45,563 --> 00:17:47,097
Good.
371
00:17:47,165 --> 00:17:49,533
So, every Wednesday
at the St. Argyle,
372
00:17:49,600 --> 00:17:50,934
exactly 2:00 P.M.
373
00:17:51,002 --> 00:17:52,569
We'll have a drink
at the bar first,
374
00:17:52,637 --> 00:17:53,971
sitting side by side,
375
00:17:54,039 --> 00:17:56,173
but never making eye contact
or speaking.
376
00:17:56,240 --> 00:17:57,240
Good.
377
00:17:57,308 --> 00:17:59,209
And then I'll leave first.
378
00:17:59,277 --> 00:18:02,112
Pay for your drinks
so no one suspects.
379
00:18:02,180 --> 00:18:04,014
And I'll, uh,
380
00:18:04,082 --> 00:18:07,317
I'll wait for you
up in the room.
381
00:18:08,086 --> 00:18:09,319
Perfect.
382
00:18:10,288 --> 00:18:13,490
Oh, this is so wrong!
383
00:18:13,558 --> 00:18:16,727
Look, we've lived by
their rules long enough.
384
00:18:16,795 --> 00:18:18,228
It's our day now!
385
00:18:18,296 --> 00:18:21,565
Yes, let's live for us.
386
00:18:22,801 --> 00:18:24,201
(Allison)
Ma!
387
00:18:26,037 --> 00:18:28,772
So, ma, you met a fella,
after all, huh?
388
00:18:28,840 --> 00:18:29,807
Well, I just...
389
00:18:29,874 --> 00:18:31,975
Hi! Allison Finnegan.
390
00:18:32,043 --> 00:18:34,078
You two make
a very cute couple.
391
00:18:34,145 --> 00:18:37,014
See, ma, this was good.
Give him your number.
392
00:18:37,082 --> 00:18:38,648
I'll wait in the car.
393
00:18:38,717 --> 00:18:40,283
She's lots of fun.
394
00:18:44,789 --> 00:18:47,490
Oh, listen,
I... I'm sorry.
395
00:18:47,558 --> 00:18:49,093
I... I'm not really married.
396
00:18:49,160 --> 00:18:51,661
I just said that I was
to avoid talking.
397
00:18:51,730 --> 00:18:54,531
And once I said it,
I had to stick with it.
398
00:18:55,867 --> 00:18:58,468
Actually, I, uh...
399
00:18:58,536 --> 00:19:00,204
I'm not married either.
400
00:19:00,872 --> 00:19:02,206
Oh.
401
00:19:02,273 --> 00:19:04,474
I said I was
for the same reason you did.
402
00:19:06,044 --> 00:19:07,477
Oh.
403
00:19:07,545 --> 00:19:10,413
So I guess we're free to get
together any time we want, huh?
404
00:19:10,481 --> 00:19:12,015
No need to go
sneaking around now.
405
00:19:12,083 --> 00:19:13,450
Nope, not at all.
406
00:19:14,152 --> 00:19:15,552
Well, so long.
407
00:19:15,620 --> 00:19:16,553
See ya.
408
00:19:21,559 --> 00:19:22,960
So, I'm thinking
maybe next year,
409
00:19:23,027 --> 00:19:24,527
I get a little more
money saved,
410
00:19:24,595 --> 00:19:26,997
uh, I may take some
college courses at night.
411
00:19:27,065 --> 00:19:29,332
You know, try to make
something of myself.
412
00:19:29,400 --> 00:19:32,035
That's great, Albert.
What're you interested in?
413
00:19:32,103 --> 00:19:33,570
Oh, well,
I really like animals.
414
00:19:33,638 --> 00:19:35,405
So you think maybe
you want to be a vet?
415
00:19:35,473 --> 00:19:37,440
Well, I was thinking
dog-walker.
416
00:19:37,508 --> 00:19:40,210
But the vet thing
sounds good, too.
417
00:19:40,278 --> 00:19:42,345
So, Albert, congratulations.
418
00:19:42,413 --> 00:19:45,282
You made it all the way
through dinner acting normal.
419
00:19:45,349 --> 00:19:46,716
- Really?
- Yes.
420
00:19:46,785 --> 00:19:47,985
Oh.
421
00:19:48,052 --> 00:19:49,753
Actually I... I had
a decent time.
422
00:19:49,821 --> 00:19:51,621
And I feel like I did
a public service
423
00:19:51,689 --> 00:19:53,924
for any women who have to
come near you in the future.
424
00:19:53,992 --> 00:19:55,192
Thanks!
425
00:19:55,260 --> 00:19:56,326
Here's your check.
426
00:19:56,394 --> 00:19:58,428
- Oh.
- Thank you.
427
00:19:58,496 --> 00:20:00,463
Don't worry, Al, I got it.
428
00:20:00,531 --> 00:20:01,832
- Really?
- Mmm-hmm.
429
00:20:01,900 --> 00:20:04,601
Oh, hey, I appreciate that.
430
00:20:04,669 --> 00:20:06,937
Hey, she may be
paying for dinner,
431
00:20:07,005 --> 00:20:08,238
but I'm gonna earn it later,
432
00:20:08,306 --> 00:20:10,573
if you know what I mean.
433
00:20:10,641 --> 00:20:13,243
Couldn't make it to the
finish line, could ya?
434
00:20:17,548 --> 00:20:18,916
♪ [Music playing]
435
00:21:00,859 --> 00:21:02,226
[Switches off music]
436
00:21:02,293 --> 00:21:04,361
Spencey, you home?
437
00:21:05,330 --> 00:21:06,263
Uh, yeah.
438
00:21:07,832 --> 00:21:10,334
Come give mommy a big kiss.
439
00:21:11,970 --> 00:21:13,536
I can't.
440
00:21:13,604 --> 00:21:19,342
I gotta go back out
and get some Star Trek stuff.
441
00:21:19,944 --> 00:21:21,578
OK.
442
00:21:24,582 --> 00:21:26,316
Sorry about
what I said before.
443
00:21:26,384 --> 00:21:28,285
I love you.
444
00:21:28,353 --> 00:21:30,420
I love you, too.
445
00:21:33,858 --> 00:21:35,893
By the way,
Doug stayed the longest.
446
00:21:42,500 --> 00:21:44,034
Happy Valentine's day.
447
00:21:45,270 --> 00:21:47,637
Happy Valentine's day
to you, too.
448
00:21:49,107 --> 00:21:50,807
You still want to fool around?
449
00:21:51,675 --> 00:21:54,077
I had a rough night.
450
00:21:54,145 --> 00:21:56,346
Could you just sing to me?
451
00:21:56,414 --> 00:21:57,480
Come here, baby.
452
00:21:58,549 --> 00:22:00,117
[Clearing throat]
453
00:22:02,853 --> 00:22:05,622
♪ It's your birthday,
Valentine ♪
454
00:22:06,690 --> 00:22:08,025
That's not funny.
455
00:22:31,149 --> 00:22:32,015
[Crashing]
30392
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