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1
00:00:02,658 --> 00:00:05,326
- Morning. How much is a
bacon, egg, and cheese?
2
00:00:05,327 --> 00:00:07,286
- It's six Comet
Bucks, but we're out.
3
00:00:07,287 --> 00:00:09,122
- Are you saying "comic books"?
4
00:00:09,123 --> 00:00:11,457
- No, Comet Bucks.
It's our money.
5
00:00:11,458 --> 00:00:13,960
- What do you mean "our money"?
We're in the United States.
6
00:00:13,961 --> 00:00:15,920
Shouldn't you use dollars?
- Oh, no.
7
00:00:15,921 --> 00:00:17,171
Members don't handle dollars.
8
00:00:17,172 --> 00:00:18,673
You hand those in when you join.
9
00:00:18,674 --> 00:00:20,842
Anyway, sorry, all we
have is ketchup and limes.
10
00:00:20,843 --> 00:00:22,510
- Is this town doing okay?
11
00:00:22,511 --> 00:00:24,470
- No, we're starving kind of.
12
00:00:24,471 --> 00:00:28,057
- Works for me.
[laughs]
13
00:00:28,058 --> 00:00:29,142
- Where do Comet
Bucks come from?
14
00:00:29,143 --> 00:00:30,476
- From the Comet Bank.
15
00:00:30,477 --> 00:00:32,228
- Well, who's in charge
of the Comet Bank?
16
00:00:32,229 --> 00:00:34,147
- Uh, your dad.
- But he's dead.
17
00:00:34,148 --> 00:00:35,314
- Right.
18
00:00:35,315 --> 00:00:37,358
Oh, that explains it.
19
00:00:37,359 --> 00:00:38,860
- That explains nothing.
20
00:00:38,861 --> 00:00:40,611
I've been to Cuba
on vacation a bunch,
21
00:00:40,612 --> 00:00:42,822
and I've seen "The Big
Short," like, seven times.
22
00:00:42,823 --> 00:00:45,366
This has all the markers
of financial crisis.
23
00:00:45,367 --> 00:00:47,243
- Well, in any case,
we're out of food.
24
00:00:47,244 --> 00:00:49,162
[electricity crackles,
customers grumbling]
25
00:00:49,163 --> 00:00:51,372
- I'm a city girl.
I do money all day.
26
00:00:51,373 --> 00:00:53,958
Don't worry, New Utopia.
I've got this on lox.
27
00:00:53,959 --> 00:00:55,251
Or is it "lock"?
28
00:00:55,252 --> 00:00:56,460
- Oh, boy.
29
00:00:56,461 --> 00:00:59,088
- [laughs]
30
00:00:59,089 --> 00:01:01,966
[upbeat music]
31
00:01:01,967 --> 00:01:07,096
? ?
32
00:01:07,097 --> 00:01:10,057
[crowd cheering]
33
00:01:10,058 --> 00:01:13,311
? ?
34
00:01:13,312 --> 00:01:16,272
[goat bleats, chomps]
35
00:01:16,273 --> 00:01:17,483
[person screams]
36
00:01:19,401 --> 00:01:21,486
- Mae Mae, I have some
serious questions here
37
00:01:21,487 --> 00:01:22,862
about the local economy.
38
00:01:22,863 --> 00:01:25,072
- Well, I have questions
about the Federal Reserve,
39
00:01:25,073 --> 00:01:28,451
but they're not
taking my phone calls.
40
00:01:28,452 --> 00:01:29,577
Okay.
41
00:01:29,578 --> 00:01:31,996
Emmett, bring the white board!
42
00:01:31,997 --> 00:01:34,790
- [giggles] Oh.
43
00:01:34,791 --> 00:01:37,043
- Our money comes
from a few places...
44
00:01:37,044 --> 00:01:40,338
Speechblasters classes, your
father's self-published books,
45
00:01:40,339 --> 00:01:42,798
finding it on the ground,
and mostly from recruitment.
46
00:01:42,799 --> 00:01:44,383
Back when your father was alive,
47
00:01:44,384 --> 00:01:47,386
he inspired so many people
to join him on this journey.
48
00:01:47,387 --> 00:01:50,223
- W-what does recruitment
have to do with ketchup?
49
00:01:50,224 --> 00:01:51,557
- When new members join,
50
00:01:51,558 --> 00:01:53,059
they donate all their
earthly possessions,
51
00:01:53,060 --> 00:01:54,560
sort of like a tithe,
52
00:01:54,561 --> 00:01:56,979
but instead of 10%, it's 100%,
53
00:01:56,980 --> 00:01:59,565
in exchange for Comet Bucks.
54
00:01:59,566 --> 00:02:02,360
- Which are, again?
55
00:02:02,361 --> 00:02:04,403
Both: Credits toward
the trip on the comet
56
00:02:04,404 --> 00:02:06,364
that brings us to the
other half of the universe,
57
00:02:06,365 --> 00:02:08,074
where it is nice.
58
00:02:08,075 --> 00:02:10,117
- Money's been a little tight
because we haven't brought in
59
00:02:10,118 --> 00:02:12,203
anyone new since
your father passed,
60
00:02:12,204 --> 00:02:15,331
but now that we have a
leader, we can recruit again.
61
00:02:15,332 --> 00:02:19,210
- So you take people's money
for a trip to space heaven?
62
00:02:19,211 --> 00:02:22,213
That's a scam, and I can't
be anywhere near a scam!
63
00:02:22,214 --> 00:02:24,257
Fashionable city women who
mess with people's money
64
00:02:24,258 --> 00:02:26,008
always get shamed via podcast,
65
00:02:26,009 --> 00:02:28,177
and they would
absolutely destroy me.
66
00:02:28,178 --> 00:02:30,846
- Petey St. Barts
was a bad girl,
67
00:02:30,847 --> 00:02:33,724
a bad girl who took money badly,
68
00:02:33,725 --> 00:02:35,309
and that was bad.
69
00:02:35,310 --> 00:02:37,478
And everybody hate her now.
70
00:02:37,479 --> 00:02:39,522
- [gasps]
- You have questions?
71
00:02:39,523 --> 00:02:41,983
I have a question.
What's a podcast?
72
00:02:41,984 --> 00:02:44,569
It's like radio but computer?
73
00:02:44,570 --> 00:02:46,279
And then it's money?
74
00:02:46,280 --> 00:02:47,613
Well, that's a scam.
75
00:02:47,614 --> 00:02:49,699
- Okay, right now we
have an immediate issue,
76
00:02:49,700 --> 00:02:50,950
which is people need to eat.
77
00:02:50,951 --> 00:02:52,493
And I need to charge my phone.
78
00:02:52,494 --> 00:02:54,704
If new members gave all
their money to my dad,
79
00:02:54,705 --> 00:02:55,705
where is it now?
80
00:02:55,706 --> 00:02:58,249
- Mm, ha. Hmm.
81
00:02:58,250 --> 00:02:59,709
- Oh, my God.
82
00:02:59,710 --> 00:03:01,711
Mae Mae's a level two
billion in Speechblasters.
83
00:03:01,712 --> 00:03:03,963
She never says "um."
Something is wrong.
84
00:03:03,964 --> 00:03:05,548
- [gulping]
- What's happening?
85
00:03:05,549 --> 00:03:08,259
- Oh, her blood pressure gets
a little feisty sometimes.
86
00:03:08,260 --> 00:03:10,094
She's been skimping
on her medication.
87
00:03:10,095 --> 00:03:11,262
She has a prescription
88
00:03:11,263 --> 00:03:13,306
at the Pharmacy Barrel
in Apple Bucket,
89
00:03:13,307 --> 00:03:16,100
but it has a co-pay of $30.
90
00:03:16,101 --> 00:03:18,394
- The cult doesn't
even have $30?
91
00:03:18,395 --> 00:03:19,979
- I can give you 30 Comet Bucks.
92
00:03:19,980 --> 00:03:22,898
- Oh, this place is in
worse shape than I thought.
93
00:03:22,899 --> 00:03:24,734
- Well, all we have to
do is recruit one person
94
00:03:24,735 --> 00:03:27,403
who's worth at least $30.
- No, I'm not recruiting.
95
00:03:27,404 --> 00:03:31,073
I'm gonna earn $30 the
honest way... from an ATM.
96
00:03:31,074 --> 00:03:33,326
Don't worry, Mae Mae.
You'll be okay soon.
97
00:03:33,327 --> 00:03:35,494
- I'm twice as crazy
as I was this morning
98
00:03:35,495 --> 00:03:37,204
but half as crazy
as I'll be tonight.
99
00:03:37,205 --> 00:03:39,415
[dramatic music]
100
00:03:39,416 --> 00:03:42,252
[animals chattering]
101
00:03:46,965 --> 00:03:48,549
[doorbell rings]
102
00:03:48,550 --> 00:03:50,718
- Is it weird for you to
be outside of New Utopia?
103
00:03:50,719 --> 00:03:52,303
- No, no, no, it's
not weird at all.
104
00:03:52,304 --> 00:03:54,472
When I was still a
gung-ho cult person,
105
00:03:54,473 --> 00:03:56,640
I would come here all the time
to recruit new cult members.
106
00:03:56,641 --> 00:03:58,768
I'm not proud of it
because it's morally wrong,
107
00:03:58,769 --> 00:04:01,103
but I was so good at
finding cult bait.
108
00:04:01,104 --> 00:04:02,396
Like that woman over there...
109
00:04:02,397 --> 00:04:04,732
She is one line away
from joining the cult.
110
00:04:04,733 --> 00:04:07,276
Vitamin B12, huh? What
about vitamin B-happy?
111
00:04:07,277 --> 00:04:08,819
- What, so you won't take a card
112
00:04:08,820 --> 00:04:10,363
that isn't covered in mayo?
113
00:04:10,364 --> 00:04:12,656
- That lady buying Tupperware...
I would just tell her,
114
00:04:12,657 --> 00:04:15,326
wow, you're a master
compartmentalizer, aren't you?
115
00:04:15,327 --> 00:04:17,203
Or that lady looking
at hammers...
116
00:04:17,204 --> 00:04:19,747
Oh, I bet you always have to
be the strong one, don't you?
117
00:04:19,748 --> 00:04:22,416
Come on, let me just do
one. I'm so good at it.
118
00:04:22,417 --> 00:04:24,293
- No, I'm not tricking
people like my dad did.
119
00:04:24,294 --> 00:04:26,128
I want to do things
the right way.
120
00:04:26,129 --> 00:04:28,923
If this town is a company, I
want it to be a good company,
121
00:04:28,924 --> 00:04:31,133
like Jessica Alba's diapers.
122
00:04:31,134 --> 00:04:32,885
Ugh!
123
00:04:32,886 --> 00:04:34,345
- Morning, scum.
124
00:04:34,346 --> 00:04:36,013
I see you're picking
up some medication.
125
00:04:36,014 --> 00:04:38,474
Is it for narcissism?
[chuckles]
126
00:04:38,475 --> 00:04:40,685
- Actually, Bandit, I'm
here on behalf of the health
127
00:04:40,686 --> 00:04:42,937
of a very important
member of my community.
128
00:04:42,938 --> 00:04:46,899
And because I'm not narcist,
I'm not gonna reveal who it is.
129
00:04:46,900 --> 00:04:48,901
[scoffs]
130
00:04:48,902 --> 00:04:52,697
Excuse me, sweet old man,
your ATM machine is broken.
131
00:04:52,698 --> 00:04:54,699
- Have we met somewhere?
132
00:04:54,700 --> 00:04:57,993
- Ooh, I can say with 100%
certainty that we haven't.
133
00:04:57,994 --> 00:04:59,662
No offense.
134
00:04:59,663 --> 00:05:03,290
- Oh, then you must be
one of those New Utopians.
135
00:05:03,291 --> 00:05:04,792
Now, you all are weird, correct?
136
00:05:04,793 --> 00:05:06,127
I just love all
the stuff you do,
137
00:05:06,128 --> 00:05:07,712
dancing around in
the fields and such.
138
00:05:07,713 --> 00:05:08,796
Sometimes I peek.
139
00:05:08,797 --> 00:05:09,964
Can I come visit?
140
00:05:09,965 --> 00:05:11,424
I'm born and raised
in Apple Bucket,
141
00:05:11,425 --> 00:05:12,717
but I've never crossed
the town border,
142
00:05:12,718 --> 00:05:14,218
except for this one time
143
00:05:14,219 --> 00:05:15,970
which I will describe in
great detail right now.
144
00:05:15,971 --> 00:05:17,471
Here I go.
- No, thank you.
145
00:05:17,472 --> 00:05:19,306
I just need you to fix that ATM.
146
00:05:19,307 --> 00:05:21,308
It keeps saying
"funds not available."
147
00:05:21,309 --> 00:05:22,935
- Well, usually when
the machine says
148
00:05:22,936 --> 00:05:24,353
"funds not available,"
149
00:05:24,354 --> 00:05:26,355
it means your funds
aren't available
150
00:05:26,356 --> 00:05:28,649
on account of you
don't have any funds.
151
00:05:28,650 --> 00:05:30,484
Sounds like you're
broke, buttercup.
152
00:05:30,485 --> 00:05:32,695
- Broke? Would someone
who's broke grow up
153
00:05:32,696 --> 00:05:34,280
never having to
think about money?
154
00:05:34,281 --> 00:05:36,699
Wait here, buttercup.
155
00:05:36,700 --> 00:05:38,033
[doorbell rings]
156
00:05:38,034 --> 00:05:40,244
- [sobbing]
157
00:05:40,245 --> 00:05:42,788
- Oh.
[doorbell rings]
158
00:05:42,789 --> 00:05:45,833
[cellphone ringing]
- Yes, hello?
159
00:05:45,834 --> 00:05:47,418
I'm afraid you have
me at a disadvantage.
160
00:05:47,419 --> 00:05:49,086
You see, you know
who you called,
161
00:05:49,087 --> 00:05:50,421
but I don't know who this is.
162
00:05:50,422 --> 00:05:52,506
- [scoffs] Mother, it's me.
163
00:05:52,507 --> 00:05:54,800
Everything's fine and
actually less weird
164
00:05:54,801 --> 00:05:56,135
than I thought it would be.
165
00:05:56,136 --> 00:05:58,095
I'm calling because
I'm at the ATM
166
00:05:58,096 --> 00:06:00,890
and I need some cash for a
rural charity initiative,
167
00:06:00,891 --> 00:06:02,391
but no money will
come out for me.
168
00:06:02,392 --> 00:06:04,018
- Let me guess.
169
00:06:04,019 --> 00:06:06,896
You realized you eat too much
to subsist on Comet Bucks.
170
00:06:06,897 --> 00:06:09,732
- What? How do you
know about Comet Bucks?
171
00:06:09,733 --> 00:06:12,026
- Petey, I'm with my
accountability coach,
172
00:06:12,027 --> 00:06:13,819
and he's going to tell
me what to say next.
173
00:06:13,820 --> 00:06:15,488
- "Accountability coach"?
174
00:06:15,489 --> 00:06:16,572
- I love you.
175
00:06:16,573 --> 00:06:17,990
You're my daughter,
176
00:06:17,991 --> 00:06:20,743
but I will not "finance"
your latest crisis.
177
00:06:20,744 --> 00:06:23,078
- Well, if you love her
so much, you talk to her.
178
00:06:23,079 --> 00:06:24,455
[cell phone beeps]
179
00:06:24,456 --> 00:06:25,790
- [huffs] It finally happened.
180
00:06:25,791 --> 00:06:28,751
My mom's accountability
coach cut me off.
181
00:06:28,752 --> 00:06:30,753
- Aw.
- What's wrong?
182
00:06:30,754 --> 00:06:33,339
You all out of caviar funds
for your dinner parties
183
00:06:33,340 --> 00:06:34,632
at the Elders' Houses?
184
00:06:34,633 --> 00:06:36,258
- What does any of that mean?
185
00:06:36,259 --> 00:06:37,593
You're being such a jerk,
186
00:06:37,594 --> 00:06:39,178
and I'm already
having a terrible day.
187
00:06:39,179 --> 00:06:40,971
My mom cut me off,
Mae Mae's sick.
188
00:06:40,972 --> 00:06:43,641
- She is? I got to go.
189
00:06:43,642 --> 00:06:45,392
- What a weird and hot guy.
190
00:06:45,393 --> 00:06:48,145
Ugh. How hard can
it be to get $30?
191
00:06:48,146 --> 00:06:50,606
It's just $10 three times.
192
00:06:50,607 --> 00:06:52,066
- That's just for
Mae Mae's medicine.
193
00:06:52,067 --> 00:06:53,901
You're going to need
a lot more than $30
194
00:06:53,902 --> 00:06:55,736
if you're going
to save this cult.
195
00:06:55,737 --> 00:06:58,614
[down-home music]
196
00:06:58,615 --> 00:07:00,282
? ?
197
00:07:00,283 --> 00:07:02,618
- I have an idea.
198
00:07:02,619 --> 00:07:04,579
- This is going to
be my whole day.
199
00:07:07,415 --> 00:07:08,749
- I don't know if
this is going to work.
200
00:07:08,750 --> 00:07:10,251
We're in chunky-jewelry country.
201
00:07:10,252 --> 00:07:11,919
- Listen, if there's anything
magazines have taught me,
202
00:07:11,920 --> 00:07:13,379
it's how to sell
expensive things
203
00:07:13,380 --> 00:07:14,880
by people looking at them.
204
00:07:14,881 --> 00:07:17,841
Hey, you yokels, real dainty
New York gold for sale.
205
00:07:17,842 --> 00:07:19,677
200 for stacking rings,
206
00:07:19,678 --> 00:07:23,764
400 for this genuine
sparrow charm from Mejooji.
207
00:07:23,765 --> 00:07:25,808
- Y'all aren't
those cult weirdos
208
00:07:25,809 --> 00:07:28,561
from New Utopia, are you?
- No.
209
00:07:28,562 --> 00:07:31,230
I'm a completely normal
person from New York City.
210
00:07:31,231 --> 00:07:33,023
- So where's the jewelry?
211
00:07:33,024 --> 00:07:35,484
- They're ultra-thin because
they're meant to be stacked.
212
00:07:35,485 --> 00:07:37,403
I have 80 of them on
my finger right now.
213
00:07:37,404 --> 00:07:39,613
- Sorry, honey, I'm
looking for something
214
00:07:39,614 --> 00:07:41,865
with a little more
statement heft.
215
00:07:41,866 --> 00:07:43,075
- [scoffs] Don't feel bad.
216
00:07:43,076 --> 00:07:44,535
She's what we used to
call "unrecruitable."
217
00:07:44,536 --> 00:07:46,370
You should aim for someone
a little easier to hit,
218
00:07:46,371 --> 00:07:47,538
like that guy.
219
00:07:47,539 --> 00:07:49,206
- Oh, I'm bad.
220
00:07:49,207 --> 00:07:51,166
- They taught us to approach
people eating near trash cans
221
00:07:51,167 --> 00:07:52,793
because it scores highest
on the shame scale.
222
00:07:52,794 --> 00:07:55,045
- [coughs] There go my thighs.
223
00:07:55,046 --> 00:07:58,465
- [sighs] All we have to do
is get 30 frickin' dollars,
224
00:07:58,466 --> 00:08:00,092
make Mae Mae's brain work again,
225
00:08:00,093 --> 00:08:01,552
create a new type
226
00:08:01,553 --> 00:08:03,470
of self-sustaining,
nontoxic capitalism,
227
00:08:03,471 --> 00:08:06,098
and then make a bunch of money
to fix all the town's problems.
228
00:08:06,099 --> 00:08:08,601
- That sounds complicated.
Just let me recruit one person.
229
00:08:08,602 --> 00:08:09,852
- Oh.
- Just one.
230
00:08:09,853 --> 00:08:11,186
- [groans]
- It's really not that bad.
231
00:08:11,187 --> 00:08:13,397
- No. I told you,
I don't want to rob
232
00:08:13,398 --> 00:08:15,190
a bunch of sad, lonely,
vulnerable people.
233
00:08:15,191 --> 00:08:16,900
It's not my brand.
234
00:08:16,901 --> 00:08:19,028
- Is this about your brand,
or is it about us having food?
235
00:08:19,029 --> 00:08:20,821
I'm truly just trying to follow.
236
00:08:20,822 --> 00:08:23,032
- There's got to be
another non-harmful way
237
00:08:23,033 --> 00:08:25,076
to make money at this fair.
238
00:08:26,578 --> 00:08:27,953
- [chanting] Oh, Great Comet,
239
00:08:27,954 --> 00:08:29,997
please watch over
this true believer
240
00:08:29,998 --> 00:08:33,125
as she begins her journey
to the other side.
241
00:08:33,126 --> 00:08:36,503
Grant her priority
boarding and extra legroom
242
00:08:36,504 --> 00:08:40,341
and a window seat if
Comets have windows.
243
00:08:40,342 --> 00:08:41,425
- Mom!
244
00:08:41,426 --> 00:08:42,885
Y'all can get out of here!
245
00:08:42,886 --> 00:08:45,346
Go on, get! [all whimper]
246
00:08:45,347 --> 00:08:46,513
Are you okay, Mom?
247
00:08:46,514 --> 00:08:49,767
- Who are you?
- Bandit, your son.
248
00:08:49,768 --> 00:08:53,062
- Oh, I had a terrible dream
you abandoned your beliefs
249
00:08:53,063 --> 00:08:55,147
and became a smug,
dissenting critic
250
00:08:55,148 --> 00:08:57,441
of my beloved New Utopia.
251
00:08:57,442 --> 00:08:59,276
- Yeah, Mom, that happened.
252
00:08:59,277 --> 00:09:03,113
- Not to my Bandit.
He loves it here.
253
00:09:03,114 --> 00:09:05,408
I'm so proud of you.
254
00:09:07,327 --> 00:09:10,579
- I love the leader!
And the comet is coming!
255
00:09:10,580 --> 00:09:13,874
And I can't wait to do
weird stuff to defend it!
256
00:09:13,875 --> 00:09:15,668
- That's my son.
257
00:09:15,669 --> 00:09:17,044
- Stop seeing me
as little Bandit.
258
00:09:17,045 --> 00:09:18,420
I'm a big Bandit,
259
00:09:18,421 --> 00:09:21,131
a big Bandit who only
wants to help his mama.
260
00:09:21,132 --> 00:09:22,800
[indistinct chatter]
261
00:09:22,801 --> 00:09:26,679
- [grunts, breathing heavily]
I finished milking your cow.
262
00:09:26,680 --> 00:09:28,723
- [bleats]
- Money please.
263
00:09:30,725 --> 00:09:33,268
[sighs]
264
00:09:33,269 --> 00:09:34,770
- Mm, mm, mm.
265
00:09:34,771 --> 00:09:36,480
- [crying]
266
00:09:36,481 --> 00:09:38,023
- Hmm, cult bait.
267
00:09:38,024 --> 00:09:39,984
- [continues crying]
- [gasps]
268
00:09:39,985 --> 00:09:43,904
[crowd cheering]
269
00:09:43,905 --> 00:09:48,117
[person groans, speaking
indistinctly over PA]
270
00:09:48,118 --> 00:09:49,618
[bell rings]
271
00:09:49,619 --> 00:09:52,122
- [scoffs] You call
that eating butter?
272
00:09:55,041 --> 00:09:57,126
- Push it, ladies.
273
00:09:57,127 --> 00:10:00,295
- I'm not paying 50
bucks to ride a bike.
274
00:10:00,296 --> 00:10:02,881
- Petey, come on.
- [breathing heavily]
275
00:10:02,882 --> 00:10:05,551
[groans]
276
00:10:05,552 --> 00:10:08,345
? ?
277
00:10:08,346 --> 00:10:11,850
[gasps] Wait, I
have another idea.
278
00:10:13,977 --> 00:10:16,270
- Mama? Mama?
279
00:10:16,271 --> 00:10:18,647
- My body is trying
to get to space.
280
00:10:18,648 --> 00:10:21,191
This place is no longer pure.
281
00:10:21,192 --> 00:10:24,111
And I have so many regrets.
282
00:10:24,112 --> 00:10:26,697
- Don't give up, please.
283
00:10:26,698 --> 00:10:28,991
I'm gonna get you out of
this cult but not that way!
284
00:10:28,992 --> 00:10:31,285
Hang in there, Mama!
- I'm too far gone.
285
00:10:31,286 --> 00:10:34,538
But you, you still
have a chance for love.
286
00:10:34,539 --> 00:10:36,582
- What are you
raving about? Love?
287
00:10:36,583 --> 00:10:38,417
- Go get the girl.
288
00:10:38,418 --> 00:10:40,210
- What girl?
- The girl!
289
00:10:40,211 --> 00:10:42,421
- The... the girl?
290
00:10:42,422 --> 00:10:45,007
[dramatic music]
291
00:10:45,008 --> 00:10:46,508
- Mmm.
292
00:10:46,509 --> 00:10:49,636
Help me, I'm stuck
in this brown cement.
293
00:10:49,637 --> 00:10:51,972
I am not narcist.
294
00:10:51,973 --> 00:10:53,599
- [sighs] Don't worry, Mom.
295
00:10:53,600 --> 00:10:57,311
I'm gonna get the girl. Just
hold on a little longer.
296
00:10:57,312 --> 00:10:59,897
- [growls]
- Ha, you blinked.
297
00:10:59,898 --> 00:11:00,857
- [groans]
298
00:11:02,650 --> 00:11:05,736
[gavel bangs]
- Sold for $400.
299
00:11:05,737 --> 00:11:07,780
- If they'll pay that much
for a date with a cow,
300
00:11:07,781 --> 00:11:10,157
imagine how much they'll
pay for a date with me.
301
00:11:10,158 --> 00:11:11,492
- Mm.
302
00:11:11,493 --> 00:11:13,577
- The next heifer for
sale is a human...
303
00:11:13,578 --> 00:11:15,329
A date with Petey St. Barts.
304
00:11:15,330 --> 00:11:17,206
She is a twenty-thirty-year-old
magazine writer from the city
305
00:11:17,207 --> 00:11:18,540
who would rather not
say what she's doing
306
00:11:18,541 --> 00:11:19,750
in these here parts.
307
00:11:19,751 --> 00:11:22,211
Bidding starts at $500.
308
00:11:22,212 --> 00:11:25,923
- Hmm. Don't look like
she can produce much wool.
309
00:11:25,924 --> 00:11:28,383
[person coughs]
310
00:11:28,384 --> 00:11:30,135
- My niece needs a friend.
311
00:11:30,136 --> 00:11:31,887
So $5?
312
00:11:31,888 --> 00:11:34,431
- I hear $5. Do I
hear $6, $6, $6?
313
00:11:34,432 --> 00:11:35,808
Do I hear $6?
314
00:11:35,809 --> 00:11:37,810
- $1,000!
315
00:11:37,811 --> 00:11:39,853
[crowd gasps]
316
00:11:39,854 --> 00:11:42,314
- Going once, going
twice, and sold...
317
00:11:42,315 --> 00:11:45,359
A date with Petey St. Barts to
the hunk with the highest bid.
318
00:11:45,360 --> 00:11:47,653
- Come on. We have to go.
319
00:11:47,654 --> 00:11:51,448
- I can't believe you did
that. Where did you get $1,000?
320
00:11:51,449 --> 00:11:53,826
- I don't have the money.
I was defending your honor.
321
00:11:53,827 --> 00:11:55,786
- Wow, you're a liar,
and you're poor.
322
00:11:55,787 --> 00:11:57,204
Thank you for killing Mae Mae,
323
00:11:57,205 --> 00:11:59,790
because I was doing this
to pay for her medication.
324
00:11:59,791 --> 00:12:01,625
- You were doing
this for my mom?
325
00:12:01,626 --> 00:12:04,002
- [gasps] Mae Mae is your mom?
326
00:12:04,003 --> 00:12:06,088
Both: This is a huge reveal.
327
00:12:06,089 --> 00:12:10,050
[rock music]
328
00:12:10,051 --> 00:12:11,093
- Oh.
329
00:12:11,094 --> 00:12:13,804
Whoo-hoo!
330
00:12:13,805 --> 00:12:16,306
Here I come, other
half of the universe.
331
00:12:16,307 --> 00:12:19,434
Wow. Petey's father
wasn't lying.
332
00:12:19,435 --> 00:12:21,478
This is nice.
333
00:12:21,479 --> 00:12:25,566
Oh, yeah! Whoo-hoo!
334
00:12:25,567 --> 00:12:28,318
- A-whoo!
335
00:12:28,319 --> 00:12:30,487
- [gasps] I'm doing it!
336
00:12:30,488 --> 00:12:31,488
I'm doing it!
337
00:12:31,489 --> 00:12:33,031
Yeah! Ow!
338
00:12:33,032 --> 00:12:34,616
Get away, Emmett.
339
00:12:34,617 --> 00:12:36,160
- I was just trying
to give you water.
340
00:12:36,161 --> 00:12:38,704
- I hate you, you little bug.
341
00:12:38,705 --> 00:12:41,665
- God, I am glad you're finally
done humiliating yourself
342
00:12:41,666 --> 00:12:44,418
and are ready to recruit
this guy like I told you to.
343
00:12:44,419 --> 00:12:46,086
- I am not recruiting him.
344
00:12:46,087 --> 00:12:50,132
I am going to beg him
for an IOU like an adult.
345
00:12:50,133 --> 00:12:52,217
[doorbell rings]
- Well, lookee who's back.
346
00:12:52,218 --> 00:12:53,468
- [sighs]
347
00:12:53,469 --> 00:12:54,887
My friend is sick,
348
00:12:54,888 --> 00:12:57,014
and I don't have money
to pay for her meds.
349
00:12:57,015 --> 00:12:58,932
I've never said
these words before,
350
00:12:58,933 --> 00:13:01,476
but is there any way
you could spot me
351
00:13:01,477 --> 00:13:03,854
and I'll pay you back later?
352
00:13:03,855 --> 00:13:06,023
- Normally I wouldn't even
consider something like that,
353
00:13:06,024 --> 00:13:08,066
but you really are
the spitting image
354
00:13:08,067 --> 00:13:10,444
of my high-school
sweetheart, Tammy Overalls.
355
00:13:10,445 --> 00:13:11,445
You know her?
- [sighs]
356
00:13:11,446 --> 00:13:13,655
I have never met an Overalls.
357
00:13:13,656 --> 00:13:18,327
- She had the sharpest
elbows I've ever seen.
358
00:13:18,328 --> 00:13:19,828
- About the IOU.
359
00:13:19,829 --> 00:13:22,456
- Sorry, no can do on the IOU.
[chuckles]
360
00:13:22,457 --> 00:13:24,249
I've been burned too many times.
361
00:13:24,250 --> 00:13:27,794
But seeing you sure reminds me
of how much I miss my Tammy.
362
00:13:27,795 --> 00:13:30,130
I should have married her
when I had the chance.
363
00:13:30,131 --> 00:13:31,715
No offense to my current wife.
364
00:13:31,716 --> 00:13:32,966
RIP. She died.
365
00:13:32,967 --> 00:13:34,760
And my church just
fell into a sinkhole,
366
00:13:34,761 --> 00:13:36,678
so now I have
nothing to worship.
367
00:13:36,679 --> 00:13:38,180
- [gasps]
368
00:13:38,181 --> 00:13:39,848
- I don't even care
if it's made up.
369
00:13:39,849 --> 00:13:41,308
I just want to
believe in something.
370
00:13:41,309 --> 00:13:42,851
Also, I'd love to wave
371
00:13:42,852 --> 00:13:44,561
my little thing
around in the woods...
372
00:13:44,562 --> 00:13:45,646
Not in a creepy way.
373
00:13:45,647 --> 00:13:48,231
- Cult bait?
- Ha, cult bait.
374
00:13:48,232 --> 00:13:50,984
- [sighs] You've
always had to be the...
375
00:13:50,985 --> 00:13:53,487
- Strong one.
How did you know?
376
00:13:53,488 --> 00:13:54,863
[sobbing]
377
00:13:54,864 --> 00:13:57,616
- Come live in the
community of New Utopia.
378
00:13:57,617 --> 00:14:00,911
Application fee is $30.
379
00:14:00,912 --> 00:14:03,080
- Is $50 okay?
- Can I get that medication?
380
00:14:03,081 --> 00:14:04,665
- Boy, can you?
381
00:14:04,666 --> 00:14:07,459
Am I ever excited to
give up everything
382
00:14:07,460 --> 00:14:10,170
for people who
actually care about me.
383
00:14:10,171 --> 00:14:11,506
- [sighs]
384
00:14:13,633 --> 00:14:16,218
- I did it! I got
Mae Mae's pills!
385
00:14:16,219 --> 00:14:17,803
- [gulps]
386
00:14:17,804 --> 00:14:19,596
What the dang hell, Emmett?
387
00:14:19,597 --> 00:14:21,056
What'd I tell you
388
00:14:21,057 --> 00:14:22,641
about putting your dirty
fingers in my mouth?
389
00:14:22,642 --> 00:14:24,393
Ugh!
- Thank God you're okay.
390
00:14:24,394 --> 00:14:27,104
You wouldn't believe how
hard it was to get $30.
391
00:14:27,105 --> 00:14:28,605
Long story short...
392
00:14:28,606 --> 00:14:30,357
I did need to recruit a
lonely old man to get it.
393
00:14:30,358 --> 00:14:33,193
- We're back to recruiting?
Happy days are here again.
394
00:14:33,194 --> 00:14:35,988
- No. It was the first
and last recruitment,
395
00:14:35,989 --> 00:14:38,031
because now you're
not blood sick.
396
00:14:38,032 --> 00:14:40,826
It's not like one recruit
is a viable economic system.
397
00:14:40,827 --> 00:14:42,244
This was an emergency.
[door opens]
398
00:14:42,245 --> 00:14:43,745
- Oh, am I barging in?
399
00:14:43,746 --> 00:14:45,205
When would be a good time
400
00:14:45,206 --> 00:14:46,957
for me to give y'all my
bank account information?
401
00:14:46,958 --> 00:14:48,667
Did I mention I'm a Rockefeller?
402
00:14:48,668 --> 00:14:50,377
Not one of the good
ones, but still...
403
00:14:50,378 --> 00:14:51,670
- Oh, no...
404
00:14:51,671 --> 00:14:53,422
- That's actually part
of the initiation.
405
00:14:53,423 --> 00:14:55,966
There'll be a big ceremony
tonight at the Elders' Houses.
406
00:14:55,967 --> 00:14:57,384
- Oh, a ceremony.
407
00:14:57,385 --> 00:14:59,511
Oh, mmm, mmm. Mmm, mmm, mmm.
408
00:14:59,512 --> 00:15:01,388
- No, Mae Mae, this is wrong.
409
00:15:01,389 --> 00:15:03,141
- Petey, can I talk
to you for a second?
410
00:15:06,227 --> 00:15:07,769
- Ouch!
411
00:15:07,770 --> 00:15:09,896
Could we have picked a
less-cramped location?
412
00:15:09,897 --> 00:15:11,982
- Oh, I understand
your moral position
413
00:15:11,983 --> 00:15:13,442
against recruitment,
414
00:15:13,443 --> 00:15:15,444
but a lot of people are
going to starve to death
415
00:15:15,445 --> 00:15:17,070
if we don't take
this man's money.
416
00:15:17,071 --> 00:15:19,656
Being a leader means
making tough decisions,
417
00:15:19,657 --> 00:15:21,158
and this is one of them.
418
00:15:21,159 --> 00:15:24,703
So what's it gonna be?
419
00:15:24,704 --> 00:15:26,288
- [sighs] Okay.
420
00:15:26,289 --> 00:15:27,873
What do you need me to do?
421
00:15:27,874 --> 00:15:30,375
- Keep him occupied.
Wine him and dine him.
422
00:15:30,376 --> 00:15:32,252
Make sure he gets
to the Elder Houses
423
00:15:32,253 --> 00:15:34,796
in time for his
induction ceremony.
424
00:15:34,797 --> 00:15:37,257
- Aah! [grunts]
425
00:15:37,258 --> 00:15:39,593
- One limey Mary
and a ketcharita.
426
00:15:39,594 --> 00:15:41,219
They are the same.
427
00:15:41,220 --> 00:15:43,472
- Spicy.
- Gosh, it was so surprising
428
00:15:43,473 --> 00:15:45,390
that you just had so much money.
429
00:15:45,391 --> 00:15:47,726
Were you just going to
sit on it until you die?
430
00:15:47,727 --> 00:15:49,436
- Nope, truth be told, I
was going to donate it all
431
00:15:49,437 --> 00:15:51,063
to the charity fundraiser
432
00:15:51,064 --> 00:15:53,398
to help a little girl get
a new set of eyeballs.
433
00:15:53,399 --> 00:15:54,900
She has this condition
434
00:15:54,901 --> 00:15:56,943
where every time she
sees a flash of light,
435
00:15:56,944 --> 00:15:59,821
it ages them four years, and
she wants to be a model...
436
00:15:59,822 --> 00:16:00,906
Poor thing.
437
00:16:00,907 --> 00:16:02,991
- Oh, God. That's terrible.
438
00:16:02,992 --> 00:16:04,201
- But forget her.
439
00:16:04,202 --> 00:16:06,244
Just think of all
the wonderful ways
440
00:16:06,245 --> 00:16:07,913
you'll be able to use my money.
441
00:16:07,914 --> 00:16:09,581
- Like feeding
people not ketchup.
442
00:16:09,582 --> 00:16:10,999
- Eliza, seriously,
443
00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:12,709
he was going to use
that money for charity.
444
00:16:12,710 --> 00:16:14,795
- Petey, I think it's time
for you to take our new friend
445
00:16:14,796 --> 00:16:17,130
to his induction ceremony.
- [grunts]
446
00:16:17,131 --> 00:16:18,632
[crowd cheering]
447
00:16:18,633 --> 00:16:20,634
- Well, look at
me wearing a robe.
448
00:16:20,635 --> 00:16:23,220
I feel like a person in a hotel.
449
00:16:23,221 --> 00:16:25,847
- Listen, you can
be honest with me.
450
00:16:25,848 --> 00:16:28,225
Are you sure you're ready
for something like this?
451
00:16:28,226 --> 00:16:31,061
- Oh, yes, I've memorized
my routing number
452
00:16:31,062 --> 00:16:33,855
and my account number
just as you asked.
453
00:16:33,856 --> 00:16:35,607
And I know it has to
be really everything.
454
00:16:35,608 --> 00:16:38,610
I had a trust fund set up for
children born without necks,
455
00:16:38,611 --> 00:16:40,445
but I'll turn that over,
too... Don't you worry.
456
00:16:40,446 --> 00:16:42,614
- No, stop telling me stuff.
457
00:16:42,615 --> 00:16:44,991
- All right, you, time
for our auction date.
458
00:16:44,992 --> 00:16:47,577
- "Auction date"?
- If it's okay with this guy.
459
00:16:47,578 --> 00:16:48,787
- Oh, we're not dating.
460
00:16:48,788 --> 00:16:50,580
I'm just giving her all my money
461
00:16:50,581 --> 00:16:52,165
in exchange for immortality.
462
00:16:52,166 --> 00:16:54,042
- Back to recruiting, huh?
463
00:16:54,043 --> 00:16:56,753
Every time I think I can't
be more disappointed by you,
464
00:16:56,754 --> 00:16:58,421
you surprise me.
465
00:16:58,422 --> 00:17:00,757
- [sighs] Look, I don't want
to go back to recruiting
466
00:17:00,758 --> 00:17:02,092
any more than you do.
467
00:17:02,093 --> 00:17:04,177
This was not my
vision for the town.
468
00:17:04,178 --> 00:17:07,430
I did this to save your mom.
- Fine.
469
00:17:07,431 --> 00:17:09,933
Let's take the scenic route
to the Elders' Houses.
470
00:17:09,934 --> 00:17:11,434
- Swish.
471
00:17:11,435 --> 00:17:13,520
- Look, I have spent all
day trying to figure out
472
00:17:13,521 --> 00:17:15,188
how to make money
to save this town
473
00:17:15,189 --> 00:17:16,648
without taking
advantage of people,
474
00:17:16,649 --> 00:17:17,983
and I'm all out of ideas.
475
00:17:17,984 --> 00:17:19,776
- Typical city person.
476
00:17:19,777 --> 00:17:22,445
Can't you just take a minute
to enjoy your surroundings?
477
00:17:22,446 --> 00:17:23,655
Look around.
478
00:17:23,656 --> 00:17:25,907
T-there's a deer...
479
00:17:25,908 --> 00:17:28,410
[thud] Giving birth.
480
00:17:28,411 --> 00:17:30,120
That there's a river...
481
00:17:30,121 --> 00:17:31,288
giving birth.
482
00:17:31,289 --> 00:17:32,539
That there's a star...
483
00:17:32,540 --> 00:17:35,083
You guessed it, giving birth.
484
00:17:35,084 --> 00:17:38,503
- [sighs] They sure don't make
nature like this in New York.
485
00:17:38,504 --> 00:17:40,589
- Sometimes you just
got to clear your head
486
00:17:40,590 --> 00:17:43,758
and get out into nature and
connect with something real...
487
00:17:43,759 --> 00:17:45,385
Dirt, trees.
488
00:17:45,386 --> 00:17:46,470
- Marble.
489
00:17:46,471 --> 00:17:47,847
- What?
- Look.
490
00:17:49,807 --> 00:17:51,725
This is where all
the money went.
491
00:17:51,726 --> 00:17:53,685
- It's the Elders'
Houses, of course.
492
00:17:53,686 --> 00:17:55,896
They designed them themselves.
493
00:17:55,897 --> 00:17:57,731
- Mae Mae, you
neglected to tell me
494
00:17:57,732 --> 00:18:00,609
that the Elders live in
giant marble palaces...
495
00:18:00,610 --> 00:18:03,820
And not just any
marble, Carrara marble.
496
00:18:03,821 --> 00:18:05,822
- I'm sure it's
not that expensive.
497
00:18:05,823 --> 00:18:07,449
- Don't challenge a city girl
498
00:18:07,450 --> 00:18:09,743
on her ability to recognize
different types of marble.
499
00:18:09,744 --> 00:18:11,828
I would recognize my
mom's favorite countertops
500
00:18:11,829 --> 00:18:13,163
from anywhere.
501
00:18:13,164 --> 00:18:14,623
- Well, that's very neat, dear,
502
00:18:14,624 --> 00:18:16,541
but let's get this
recruiting going.
503
00:18:16,542 --> 00:18:18,752
- No, that won't be
necessary, Mae Mae.
504
00:18:18,753 --> 00:18:20,629
[snaps fingers]
Elders, get out here.
505
00:18:20,630 --> 00:18:22,422
[creepy laughter]
506
00:18:22,423 --> 00:18:23,965
- Is the new inductee ready
507
00:18:23,966 --> 00:18:27,052
for his most holy
bank transfer, hmm?
508
00:18:27,053 --> 00:18:28,845
- No, we won't be doing that.
509
00:18:28,846 --> 00:18:30,805
We're not stealing
the pharmacist's money
510
00:18:30,806 --> 00:18:32,641
or those children's
eyes or necks,
511
00:18:32,642 --> 00:18:34,392
because this isn't just a scam.
512
00:18:34,393 --> 00:18:35,727
It's a pyramid scheme.
513
00:18:35,728 --> 00:18:38,021
You guys took all the
money from new recruits
514
00:18:38,022 --> 00:18:41,358
and used it to build these
houses made of floor.
515
00:18:41,359 --> 00:18:42,943
But I'm going to
take the pyramid
516
00:18:42,944 --> 00:18:44,653
and turn it upside down.
517
00:18:44,654 --> 00:18:47,614
I'm going to sell your
houses. [Elders gasp]
518
00:18:47,615 --> 00:18:49,699
- Sweetheart, you're
new around here,
519
00:18:49,700 --> 00:18:50,867
so you don't understand.
520
00:18:50,868 --> 00:18:52,369
We get nice stuff
521
00:18:52,370 --> 00:18:54,871
as payment for our job of
being your dad's friends.
522
00:18:54,872 --> 00:18:56,164
- Well, you're not my friends,
523
00:18:56,165 --> 00:18:57,874
so you can just move
into one house together.
524
00:18:57,875 --> 00:18:59,584
You guys cool with that?
525
00:18:59,585 --> 00:19:04,089
- Well, we... we will do whatever
our greater leader decrees.
526
00:19:04,090 --> 00:19:06,174
- So we're redistributing
the wealth... great!
527
00:19:06,175 --> 00:19:08,093
It might not solve
everything long-term,
528
00:19:08,094 --> 00:19:11,179
but it does mean we don't
have to eat ketchup anymore.
529
00:19:11,180 --> 00:19:14,182
Pickle dogs for
everyone, on the houses.
530
00:19:14,183 --> 00:19:18,103
[crowd cheering]
531
00:19:18,104 --> 00:19:19,813
- Hi, can I still
be in your cult?
532
00:19:19,814 --> 00:19:21,856
I already threw out
all my underwear.
533
00:19:21,857 --> 00:19:23,984
- Who told you to do that?
- Nobody.
534
00:19:23,985 --> 00:19:27,028
- I mean, we were
about to fully rob you,
535
00:19:27,029 --> 00:19:28,905
and I don't yet have a
great permanent solution
536
00:19:28,906 --> 00:19:30,323
for not robbing people.
537
00:19:30,324 --> 00:19:32,617
But if you want to stay, sure.
538
00:19:32,618 --> 00:19:33,910
People need pills.
539
00:19:33,911 --> 00:19:35,412
- Great.
540
00:19:35,413 --> 00:19:37,664
Now that we're alone,
541
00:19:37,665 --> 00:19:40,792
you'd tell me if you were
Tammy Overalls, right?
542
00:19:40,793 --> 00:19:43,753
[dramatic music]
543
00:19:43,754 --> 00:19:44,415
? ?
544
00:19:46,000 --> 00:19:52,074
Do you want subtitles for any video?
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545
00:20:00,438 --> 00:20:01,479
- I'm going to...
546
00:20:01,480 --> 00:20:03,607
[slowed] Sell your houses.
547
00:20:03,608 --> 00:20:06,610
[Elders gasp]
548
00:20:06,611 --> 00:20:08,153
You can just move into
one house together.
549
00:20:08,154 --> 00:20:09,613
You guys cool with that?
550
00:20:09,614 --> 00:20:12,449
- We will do whatever
our great leader decrees.
551
00:20:12,450 --> 00:20:15,327
[air horn blares]
- This is gonna get crazy.
552
00:20:15,328 --> 00:20:18,997
Five Elders, one house.
553
00:20:18,998 --> 00:20:21,166
It's "Elder House."
554
00:20:21,167 --> 00:20:24,210
- Talk all you want.
555
00:20:24,211 --> 00:20:27,839
There's no time for
drama on the comet.
556
00:20:27,840 --> 00:20:31,969
- I might look
sweet, but I'm 104.
557
00:20:33,596 --> 00:20:35,972
- Life isn't all human
sacrifice and Metamucil.
558
00:20:35,973 --> 00:20:38,266
But it should be.
559
00:20:38,267 --> 00:20:40,935
- I believe rules were
made to be followed.
560
00:20:40,936 --> 00:20:44,356
But a disobedient spirit
is meant to be broken.
561
00:20:44,357 --> 00:20:46,858
- Call me a bitch if you want.
562
00:20:46,859 --> 00:20:49,778
Just don't call me a heretic.
563
00:20:49,779 --> 00:20:51,489
- "Elder House."
564
00:20:51,539 --> 00:20:56,089
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