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1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,600
This programme contains strong
language and some violent scenes
2
00:00:53,480 --> 00:00:55,440
Hello?
3
00:01:03,560 --> 00:01:06,720
Hello?!
FEMALE VOICE: Hello?!
4
00:01:06,720 --> 00:01:08,520
Oh.
5
00:01:08,520 --> 00:01:09,840
There's an echo.
HIGH HEELS TAP
6
00:01:09,840 --> 00:01:11,360
I've just arrived.
7
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I've just arrived. Hold on.
8
00:01:14,440 --> 00:01:16,480
How did my echo get here before me?
9
00:01:16,480 --> 00:01:18,160
Arlo, turn around.
10
00:01:19,720 --> 00:01:22,480
Oh, Collie! It's you!
11
00:01:22,480 --> 00:01:25,920
I got them things you wanted
for the sandwiches.
12
00:01:25,920 --> 00:01:28,800
Do you mind if I make one now?
I'm absolutely Hank Marvin.
13
00:01:28,800 --> 00:01:31,880
No! You can wait
until the others get here.
14
00:01:31,880 --> 00:01:33,200
What did you buy?
15
00:01:33,200 --> 00:01:36,880
Pulled pork, pressed tongue,
and a hot and spicy whip.
16
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That sounds disgusting!
17
00:01:39,040 --> 00:01:41,400
You said you wanted
an S&M selection.
18
00:01:41,400 --> 00:01:44,240
I said an M&S select...!
19
00:01:44,240 --> 00:01:45,840
Never mind.
20
00:02:23,240 --> 00:02:26,360
What are you doing?
We're not in slow motion any more.
21
00:02:26,360 --> 00:02:27,920
Oh. Sorry.
22
00:02:27,920 --> 00:02:30,600
The boss is here. He wants help
bringing the hardware in
23
00:02:30,600 --> 00:02:32,600
from the car. Oh...
24
00:02:32,600 --> 00:02:35,520
But I've just made meself a tea!
Arlokino.
25
00:02:40,520 --> 00:02:42,880
So, if you haven't already guessed,
26
00:02:42,880 --> 00:02:45,480
it's a sort of cross between
commedia dell'arte
27
00:02:45,480 --> 00:02:48,640
and a heist movie.
I guess because they both use masks.
28
00:02:48,640 --> 00:02:50,640
Which is quite clever, in a way,
29
00:02:50,640 --> 00:02:53,680
but still sounds like something
a drama teacher'd have a wank to.
30
00:02:53,680 --> 00:02:55,720
But, hey, it's series six,
31
00:02:55,720 --> 00:02:58,240
you've got to allow for a certain
artistic exhaustion.
32
00:02:58,240 --> 00:02:59,280
Columbina.
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00:02:59,280 --> 00:03:01,600
Oh, God, here comes the subplot.
34
00:03:01,600 --> 00:03:04,320
Just stick with me on these bits
and we'll get through them
35
00:03:04,320 --> 00:03:07,120
as quickly as possible.
Columbina, you've got to help me.
36
00:03:07,120 --> 00:03:09,840
My daddy wants me
to marry his friend, the Captain,
37
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who I've never even met.
38
00:03:11,680 --> 00:03:13,800
But I have my heart set on another.
39
00:03:13,800 --> 00:03:16,520
It's so unfair! Surely, Miss,
your father has other things
40
00:03:16,520 --> 00:03:19,880
on his mind today.
Like, 12 million other things.
41
00:03:19,880 --> 00:03:24,040
Because the diamonds we're stealing
are worth £12 million?
42
00:03:25,200 --> 00:03:27,040
Yes. That's...
43
00:03:28,600 --> 00:03:30,160
Yes.
44
00:03:30,160 --> 00:03:31,520
So, he's not going to have time
45
00:03:31,520 --> 00:03:33,440
to be thinking about
marriage proposals.
46
00:03:33,440 --> 00:03:35,840
No, that's exactly why he is!
47
00:03:35,840 --> 00:03:38,040
If everything goes
according to plan,
48
00:03:38,040 --> 00:03:40,920
then the Captain'll be rich
beyond his wildest dreams.
49
00:03:40,920 --> 00:03:44,200
Then my father will have no need
to provide a dowry for me.
50
00:03:44,200 --> 00:03:46,480
He can keep all his own
earnings to himself.
51
00:03:46,480 --> 00:03:49,160
It's nearly finished.
He's being driven by greed
52
00:03:49,160 --> 00:03:52,200
and not by my own wishes of who
I want to marry.
53
00:03:52,200 --> 00:03:53,840
But, Madam, what can I do?
54
00:03:53,840 --> 00:03:56,800
I am just a lowly housemaid
in this organisation.
55
00:03:56,800 --> 00:03:59,840
I've written a letter to my true
beloved, explaining my plight.
56
00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:03,320
Please see that he gets it
before the end of the job today.
57
00:04:03,320 --> 00:04:05,360
You want me to give this
letter to the Doctor's...
58
00:04:05,360 --> 00:04:08,200
Yes! Yes, please.
And not a word to my father.
59
00:04:10,880 --> 00:04:14,120
I guess we're just pretending that
WhatsApps and emails don't exist.
60
00:04:14,120 --> 00:04:17,800
Still, I'll give her letter to
the Doctor's son, Mario.
61
00:04:17,800 --> 00:04:20,400
He's thick as shit, but fit as fuck!
62
00:04:20,400 --> 00:04:23,520
Columbina, stop Fleabaggin'
and make me a cup of splosh.
63
00:04:23,520 --> 00:04:25,600
Yes, Master. Right away.
64
00:04:25,600 --> 00:04:28,480
And I wasn't Fleabagging,
I was Miranda-ing.
65
00:04:28,480 --> 00:04:30,600
AS MIRANDA HART: Such fun. Ooh!
66
00:04:31,920 --> 00:04:34,680
Careful with that,
you clumsy cumwad!
67
00:04:34,680 --> 00:04:36,960
There's enough TNT in 'ere
to blow both your tiny
68
00:04:36,960 --> 00:04:39,000
fucking brain cells out.
69
00:04:39,000 --> 00:04:43,320
Now, did you bring
the Glock like I asked ya?
70
00:04:43,320 --> 00:04:44,720
No.
71
00:04:44,720 --> 00:04:48,320
But I did wind my watch up this
morning, even though it's digital.
72
00:04:48,320 --> 00:04:50,200
No, your Glock, your pistol!
73
00:04:50,200 --> 00:04:51,880
Oh! You mean this?
74
00:04:53,280 --> 00:04:55,080
Don't point it at me.
75
00:04:55,080 --> 00:04:56,600
It's all right, safety's on.
76
00:04:56,600 --> 00:04:58,120
GUN FIRES, HE STARTS
77
00:05:00,720 --> 00:05:02,160
My bad.
78
00:05:08,520 --> 00:05:09,680
HE SNIFFS
79
00:05:09,680 --> 00:05:12,880
ITALIAN ACCENT: My nose tells me
this is the place.
80
00:05:22,520 --> 00:05:24,840
Allow me to introduce myself.
81
00:05:24,840 --> 00:05:27,920
I am Il Capitano.
82
00:05:27,920 --> 00:05:32,040
I'm sorry that you're ill, but my
name's not Capitano, it's Hortensia.
83
00:05:32,040 --> 00:05:33,560
Ah, yes.
84
00:05:33,560 --> 00:05:38,920
The Hor-tensia, daughter of my
esteemed friend Senor Pantalone.
85
00:05:38,920 --> 00:05:41,720
But I'm sure you've
heard of me by reputation.
86
00:05:41,720 --> 00:05:43,680
I am Scaramouche.
87
00:05:43,680 --> 00:05:47,360
Scaramouche? Will you do the...
BLEEP
88
00:05:47,360 --> 00:05:49,920
What happened there?
We couldn't afford the copyright.
89
00:05:49,920 --> 00:05:51,920
Oh. That's a shame.
90
00:05:51,920 --> 00:05:54,960
You're the man that my father
wants me to marry?!
91
00:05:54,960 --> 00:05:57,840
Un-a-til a-now I had been
a-deaf to your beauty
92
00:05:57,840 --> 00:06:00,600
and blind to-a your voice, dumb to
your scent
93
00:06:00,600 --> 00:06:02,320
and mute to-a your caress.
94
00:06:02,320 --> 00:06:06,520
I hope to wrong that a-right over
the course of this segment.
95
00:06:06,520 --> 00:06:11,800
So, what's your role in this job,
Captain? Surveillance? Security?
96
00:06:11,800 --> 00:06:16,440
I am international
authority on booming.
97
00:06:16,440 --> 00:06:18,480
Booming? Si, si.
98
00:06:18,480 --> 00:06:22,320
Because of my booming skills,
I can a-smash my way in anywhere.
99
00:06:22,320 --> 00:06:24,960
Will you excuse me?
I just need the bathroom.
100
00:06:26,840 --> 00:06:28,600
SHE VOMITS
101
00:06:28,600 --> 00:06:31,120
Ah, she is sick with love.
102
00:06:31,120 --> 00:06:35,680
Hortensia, Hortensia,
don't a-leave me on the fence-ia!
103
00:06:35,680 --> 00:06:37,880
My feelings don't a-make sense-ia.
104
00:06:37,880 --> 00:06:39,600
I hope it's not dementia.
105
00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:42,440
Oi, Scaramouche.
Ah, Senor Pantalone.
106
00:06:42,440 --> 00:06:44,360
Some gelignite here for you
to take a look at.
107
00:06:44,360 --> 00:06:46,720
I have already eaten,
but I thank you.
108
00:06:46,720 --> 00:06:48,880
No, it's fucking dynamite!
109
00:06:48,880 --> 00:06:50,520
Maybe a small bowl, then.
110
00:06:54,720 --> 00:06:58,680
Right, the Doctor's going to be here
any minute. How do you know?
111
00:06:58,680 --> 00:07:02,160
Because I accidentally turned over
two pages of the script at once.
112
00:07:02,160 --> 00:07:04,760
Look, if you do me a favour,
I'll let you have a sandwich.
113
00:07:04,760 --> 00:07:07,520
What flavour? What flavour favour?
114
00:07:07,520 --> 00:07:09,920
What flavour sandwich?
Whatever you want.
115
00:07:09,920 --> 00:07:12,520
Oh... I'd like
a lovely slice of ham.
116
00:07:12,520 --> 00:07:13,680
Lean?
117
00:07:15,160 --> 00:07:17,120
I'd like a lovely slice of ham.
118
00:07:17,120 --> 00:07:20,280
I bet you're loving this on the
Cook'd and Bomb'd forum, aren't you?
119
00:07:20,280 --> 00:07:24,400
Look, just give this love letter
to the Doctor's son, Mario.
120
00:07:24,400 --> 00:07:26,800
He'll know who it's from.
Understand?
121
00:07:26,800 --> 00:07:29,120
The scholar says, "Plethora,"
and the widow says,
122
00:07:29,120 --> 00:07:30,960
"Thanks, that means a lot."
123
00:07:30,960 --> 00:07:33,640
And now he's just turned over
two pages at once.
124
00:07:42,400 --> 00:07:44,960
It would appear this is
the place, Mario.
125
00:07:44,960 --> 00:07:48,000
Somewhat insalubrious,
yet suitably clandestine.
126
00:07:48,000 --> 00:07:51,040
The very sine qua non of a
gangster's hideaway, n'est-ce pas?
127
00:07:51,040 --> 00:07:52,600
It's a shithole.
128
00:07:52,600 --> 00:07:53,680
Indeed.
129
00:07:53,680 --> 00:07:56,400
And, yet, its crepuscular
corners will allow us
130
00:07:56,400 --> 00:08:00,600
to dupe the old man and his cronies
with our pseudo sparklers.
131
00:08:00,600 --> 00:08:02,800
You have them still?
132
00:08:04,760 --> 00:08:07,720
Oh, you mean the fake diamonds?
Yes, yes! Lower your voice!
133
00:08:07,720 --> 00:08:09,760
LOWER: You mean the fake diamonds?
Mario!
134
00:08:09,760 --> 00:08:12,560
Yes, I've shoved them down
the front of my trousers. Good.
135
00:08:12,560 --> 00:08:15,640
It's important to have
a little circumspection.
136
00:08:15,640 --> 00:08:18,080
I think I might
if I bend over too quickly.
137
00:08:19,960 --> 00:08:22,920
When the time is right,
we will switch the bona fide jewels
138
00:08:22,920 --> 00:08:25,640
with the paste ones and no-one
will be any the wiser. Capiche?
139
00:08:25,640 --> 00:08:28,400
Whatever you say, Pops.
As long as no-one gets hurt.
140
00:08:28,400 --> 00:08:31,360
You know you can't stand the sight
of blood. Ah, yes. Well ceded.
141
00:08:31,360 --> 00:08:35,480
Arlokino! You made me
a ham sandwich. How kind.
142
00:08:35,480 --> 00:08:36,880
Ah...
143
00:08:36,880 --> 00:08:39,800
Mm! Do we have a quorum?
144
00:08:39,800 --> 00:08:41,560
I speak a little Latin, you know.
145
00:08:41,560 --> 00:08:45,480
Oh, that reminds me -
a scholar goes to a funeral
146
00:08:45,480 --> 00:08:47,360
and asks the widow...
No, no, no, no.
147
00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:49,480
You've done this bit already.
Excuse me.
148
00:08:50,760 --> 00:08:51,960
Oh...
149
00:08:51,960 --> 00:08:54,200
I have something for you, too,
Master Mario.
150
00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:56,680
It's from the subplot,
so it might not be that important.
151
00:08:56,680 --> 00:08:57,920
Oh, cool.
152
00:08:59,600 --> 00:09:01,840
It's an epistle
from a secret admirer.
153
00:09:01,840 --> 00:09:03,960
Apparently you'll know
who it's from.
154
00:09:18,080 --> 00:09:19,960
I think I do.
155
00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:21,920
Thanks, Arlo.
156
00:09:21,920 --> 00:09:24,720
All right. Gentlemen, ladies,
gather round.
157
00:09:24,720 --> 00:09:27,680
Grab yourselves a seat.
We need to get on with the briefing.
158
00:09:57,000 --> 00:09:58,240
HE CHUCKLES
159
00:10:01,960 --> 00:10:04,280
LOUD CRASH, GLASS SMASHES
160
00:10:20,160 --> 00:10:28,160
LEATHER CREAKS
161
00:10:38,440 --> 00:10:39,920
Please.
162
00:10:41,040 --> 00:10:42,480
Continue.
163
00:10:45,120 --> 00:10:48,760
Right. Now, you all know your roles,
but, for the benefit of them
164
00:10:48,760 --> 00:10:51,400
who are watching on BBC Two,
I'm going to go through it again.
165
00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:53,240
And iPlayer. What?
166
00:10:53,240 --> 00:10:56,080
Some people could be
watching on iPlayer.
167
00:10:56,080 --> 00:10:59,800
All right. For them what are
watching on any BBC platform...
168
00:10:59,800 --> 00:11:02,600
Or in other countries,
doesn't have to be BBC.
169
00:11:02,600 --> 00:11:06,080
They have it in Spain, don't they?
Oh, yeah. Spain, Australia.
170
00:11:06,080 --> 00:11:08,720
It's very big in China, apparently.
All right, for fuck's sake!
171
00:11:08,720 --> 00:11:11,920
Wherever people are watching it,
we need to do a recap!
172
00:11:11,920 --> 00:11:16,480
Now, the van with the diamonds
leaves Hatton Garden roundabout
173
00:11:16,480 --> 00:11:19,840
at 3pm precisely...
174
00:11:19,840 --> 00:11:23,920
..and heads down Greville Street
towards Farringdon.
175
00:11:23,920 --> 00:11:27,440
Mario, Scaramouche,
you pull the barrier across
176
00:11:27,440 --> 00:11:29,440
just west of Saffron Hill.
177
00:11:29,440 --> 00:11:32,320
Er, you're aware of the CCTV...
178
00:11:32,320 --> 00:11:34,240
Si, si. TV.
179
00:11:34,240 --> 00:11:37,920
Now, you understand
where it extends to.
180
00:11:37,920 --> 00:11:41,560
It extends into the kitchen,
but the reception is not-a so good.
181
00:11:41,560 --> 00:11:44,880
Oh Jesus! Mario, you know
about the CCTV, don't ya?
182
00:11:44,880 --> 00:11:46,600
Sure. Good.
183
00:11:46,600 --> 00:11:49,520
It's like CBeebies, but slightly
more complicated programmes.
184
00:11:50,440 --> 00:11:53,120
What? I'm not sure the Chinese
are going to get that reference.
185
00:11:53,120 --> 00:11:55,160
You need to say something like...
186
00:11:55,160 --> 00:11:57,160
THEY ALL TALK OVER EACH OTHER
187
00:11:57,160 --> 00:12:00,040
It's pretty universal...
Shut the fuck up the lot of ya!
188
00:12:01,640 --> 00:12:05,160
I will not stand here
and be made to look like a prick!
189
00:12:05,160 --> 00:12:06,560
ARLO LAUGHS
190
00:12:10,160 --> 00:12:11,720
You think I'm joking?
191
00:12:13,120 --> 00:12:14,880
Boss!
192
00:12:14,880 --> 00:12:16,600
Can I suggest we do a montage?
193
00:12:19,760 --> 00:12:21,360
Yes.
194
00:12:21,360 --> 00:12:24,320
Yes. Thank you, Columbina.
195
00:12:24,320 --> 00:12:26,000
Finally, someone talking sense.
196
00:12:28,200 --> 00:12:30,120
You can do the voiceover.
197
00:12:31,840 --> 00:12:36,560
At 3:02, the van, driven
by a single security guard,
198
00:12:36,560 --> 00:12:39,880
parks up outside
Mugshots Coffee shop.
199
00:12:39,880 --> 00:12:43,880
The guard gets out as usual
to order a flat white.
200
00:12:43,880 --> 00:12:45,320
COFFEE MACHINE HISSES
201
00:12:45,320 --> 00:12:47,680
Hortensia is behind him in the queue
202
00:12:47,680 --> 00:12:50,520
and bumps into the guard,
creating a distraction.
203
00:12:50,520 --> 00:12:52,560
So I can swap his coffee...
204
00:12:52,560 --> 00:12:54,400
..for the drugged one.
205
00:12:57,240 --> 00:13:00,480
Meanwhile, Mario and the Captain
have closed the road
206
00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:04,160
for an electrical repair,
keeping the area free of traffic.
207
00:13:05,560 --> 00:13:07,640
Arlo distracts the driver...
208
00:13:09,080 --> 00:13:13,000
..while Scaramouche applies the
explosives to the top of the van.
209
00:13:13,000 --> 00:13:14,680
CLUNK, BEEP
210
00:13:16,200 --> 00:13:19,920
The guard takes his first sip of
coffee while we get into position.
211
00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:22,800
Then, five seconds later...
212
00:13:25,960 --> 00:13:27,760
LOUD EXPLOSION
213
00:13:39,080 --> 00:13:42,240
You were only supposed to blow
the bloody doors off!
214
00:13:42,240 --> 00:13:45,760
Sorry, I've always wanted
to say that. Carry on.
215
00:13:45,760 --> 00:13:48,680
Pantalone grabs
the keys from the drowsy guard
216
00:13:48,680 --> 00:13:52,680
and takes the briefcase
with the diamonds from the van.
217
00:13:52,680 --> 00:13:57,520
Mario and Scaramouche head down
the manhole into the sewers.
218
00:13:57,520 --> 00:14:00,200
I pick up the boss
in the getaway car.
219
00:14:00,200 --> 00:14:03,920
We all meet back here at 6pm
and share the spoils.
220
00:14:03,920 --> 00:14:05,440
TYRES SCREECH
221
00:14:06,800 --> 00:14:09,640
See? Piece of piss.
Anything from the subplot?
222
00:14:09,640 --> 00:14:13,160
No. I think we're all good
on that front, Daddy.
223
00:14:13,160 --> 00:14:14,880
Yeah, all good.
224
00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:18,240
Bene, good.
225
00:14:18,240 --> 00:14:20,600
Right, you've got 20 minutes
to get your shit together.
226
00:14:22,120 --> 00:14:25,480
Erm, boss, is it all right
if I make a sandwich first?
227
00:14:25,480 --> 00:14:27,880
No! Fuck off! Should've eaten
before we got here.
228
00:14:32,720 --> 00:14:34,800
Are you ready for the twist?
229
00:14:34,800 --> 00:14:36,800
There's a good one.
230
00:14:40,720 --> 00:14:43,480
Guv, it's Detective Sergeant Janus.
231
00:14:43,480 --> 00:14:45,920
We're just about to leave
the hideaway.
232
00:14:45,920 --> 00:14:47,880
Put all units on standby.
233
00:14:47,880 --> 00:14:51,000
No, I don't think
they suspect a thing.
234
00:14:58,120 --> 00:15:01,080
ARLO SCREAMS
235
00:15:01,080 --> 00:15:02,840
Let's get him sat down.
236
00:15:02,840 --> 00:15:06,240
Did anyone see where the boss went?
I assume he's with Hortensia.
237
00:15:06,240 --> 00:15:08,360
Why didn't you wait for 'em?
I panic!
238
00:15:08,360 --> 00:15:11,080
There were polices everywhere!
I get you a drink.
239
00:15:11,080 --> 00:15:14,080
No, no! Make me a cheese sandwich.
Caerphilly?
240
00:15:14,080 --> 00:15:16,120
Yeah, use a blunt knife. Go!
241
00:15:18,840 --> 00:15:20,120
Come on.
242
00:15:20,120 --> 00:15:22,160
Argh, argh!
243
00:15:22,160 --> 00:15:24,000
Oh, fuck. What happened?
244
00:15:24,000 --> 00:15:26,920
It was an ambush.
They knew we were coming.
245
00:15:26,920 --> 00:15:28,640
We must have a rat in the group.
246
00:15:30,040 --> 00:15:31,880
Bob Geldof? No.
247
00:15:31,880 --> 00:15:34,200
I mean somebody from the police.
248
00:15:34,200 --> 00:15:35,920
Gordon Sumner? Who?
249
00:15:35,920 --> 00:15:39,240
Roger Daltrey?
No, they blew our cover.
250
00:15:39,240 --> 00:15:42,240
A double crosser.
Argh! What you doing?!
251
00:15:42,240 --> 00:15:44,240
Taking your shoe off.
You've been shot. No!
252
00:15:44,240 --> 00:15:47,200
I need a sandwich first.
I'm famished!
253
00:15:47,200 --> 00:15:49,560
Scaramouche, Scaramouche!
# Will you do the... #
254
00:15:49,560 --> 00:15:51,840
No! What? We're not allowed.
Oh, sorry.
255
00:15:51,840 --> 00:15:53,560
Where's that sandwich?!
256
00:15:53,560 --> 00:15:55,240
There is no cheese!
257
00:15:55,240 --> 00:15:58,280
I can offer you a beef a-rap.
Yeah, go on.
258
00:15:58,280 --> 00:16:00,640
RAPPING:
# Yo, yo, I come from a cow
259
00:16:00,640 --> 00:16:03,120
# I got lots of prize
for my bolognese! #
260
00:16:03,120 --> 00:16:04,560
HE SOBS
261
00:16:06,320 --> 00:16:08,720
I'll give him a hand. Argh!
262
00:16:12,080 --> 00:16:13,480
Listen, I got your letter.
263
00:16:13,480 --> 00:16:16,280
I want you to know I feel exactly
the same way. You do?
264
00:16:16,280 --> 00:16:18,800
I do, yes.
The uniform, the moustache.
265
00:16:18,800 --> 00:16:21,480
Always dreamed of having
a daddy like you. You have?
266
00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:24,160
Look, I've got something down here
that means that you and I,
267
00:16:24,160 --> 00:16:27,440
we could run off together.
Ah, he must mean the explosives.
268
00:16:27,440 --> 00:16:31,520
Mario, I will a-use your bomb,
but only when the time is right.
269
00:16:31,520 --> 00:16:34,800
When Senor Pantalone gets here,
then we will blow.
270
00:16:34,800 --> 00:16:36,680
You mean a three-way? Si, si.
271
00:16:36,680 --> 00:16:40,400
The passage will be tight,
but I think we can manage it.
272
00:16:40,400 --> 00:16:42,720
Good God, I'm so hard right now!
273
00:16:48,720 --> 00:16:51,720
We could do with more
a-men like a-him in the military.
274
00:16:58,000 --> 00:17:00,080
Pops!
275
00:17:00,080 --> 00:17:02,000
Oh, Mario. Deo gratias.
276
00:17:02,000 --> 00:17:04,040
Are you unharmed? I'm fine.
Not a scratch on me.
277
00:17:04,040 --> 00:17:06,240
What happened to you?
We managed to grab the diamonds
278
00:17:06,240 --> 00:17:09,760
before the shooting started
and made a run for it. How's Arlo?
279
00:17:09,760 --> 00:17:12,840
Not good. Pops, you'd better
have a look at him.
280
00:17:12,840 --> 00:17:15,840
All right.
But I don't have all my kit with me
281
00:17:15,840 --> 00:17:18,720
and you know I'm not good
with the sight of bloo...
282
00:17:23,840 --> 00:17:26,000
Bit of a drawback for a doctor.
283
00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:27,640
Sorry.
284
00:17:35,240 --> 00:17:36,920
How are you feeling?
285
00:17:36,920 --> 00:17:39,480
Hungry. Oh...
286
00:17:39,480 --> 00:17:41,720
You're always hungry.
287
00:17:41,720 --> 00:17:43,280
How's your foot?
288
00:17:43,280 --> 00:17:46,760
Well, the first little piggy's
still at the market,
289
00:17:46,760 --> 00:17:50,280
but I think all the other little
piggy's have pissed off.
290
00:17:50,280 --> 00:17:53,760
I'm not going to get that
trial for Crystal Palace now, am I?
291
00:17:53,760 --> 00:17:56,600
I'm sure Millwall would take you.
292
00:17:56,600 --> 00:17:58,600
What happened?
293
00:17:58,600 --> 00:18:00,200
It's a blur.
294
00:18:00,200 --> 00:18:02,120
I was doing my distracting.
295
00:18:02,120 --> 00:18:05,680
The guard comes back with his
coffee, and, suddenly, I turn around
296
00:18:05,680 --> 00:18:08,400
and there's two dozen
coppers behind me.
297
00:18:08,400 --> 00:18:10,680
I think I shot myself in the foot.
298
00:18:10,680 --> 00:18:12,880
I'm sure it wasn't your fault.
299
00:18:12,880 --> 00:18:16,560
No, I mean, I literally shot
myself in the foot.
300
00:18:16,560 --> 00:18:18,920
I didn't realise the safety was off.
301
00:18:18,920 --> 00:18:21,000
I'm such an idiot!
302
00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:24,240
I'm scared, Collie! You'll live.
303
00:18:24,240 --> 00:18:25,840
How do you know?
304
00:18:27,320 --> 00:18:30,640
Because I turned over two pages
of the script at once.
305
00:18:33,200 --> 00:18:34,840
Ah, thank you.
306
00:18:34,840 --> 00:18:36,320
I'm fine now.
307
00:18:37,720 --> 00:18:40,400
Mario, the gems are in here,
308
00:18:40,400 --> 00:18:43,480
but the servant girl has
the key in her bumbag.
309
00:18:43,480 --> 00:18:46,840
You'll need to extricate it from her
post-haste to facilitate
310
00:18:46,840 --> 00:18:49,320
the substitution.
How am I supposed to do that?
311
00:18:49,320 --> 00:18:52,960
Well, flirt with her a little.
Vanquish her with your virility.
312
00:18:52,960 --> 00:18:56,360
Then see if you can force your
fingers into her fanny pack. Eurgh!
313
00:18:56,360 --> 00:18:59,480
Quickly! We need this money, Mario.
314
00:18:59,480 --> 00:19:01,080
Tempus fugit!
315
00:19:04,400 --> 00:19:07,240
How is the pat-it-ient?
316
00:19:07,240 --> 00:19:10,600
Sorry? Young Arlokino, he has
a very bad injury.
317
00:19:10,600 --> 00:19:13,400
Oh, er, I haven't examined him yet.
318
00:19:13,400 --> 00:19:16,040
To be honest, Captain,
I'm a little haemophobic.
319
00:19:16,040 --> 00:19:19,000
Oh, do not worry.
I do not think he is a Queen Mary.
320
00:19:19,000 --> 00:19:22,000
Erm, I'm making a sandwich,
would you like a-one?
321
00:19:26,440 --> 00:19:28,000
Oh, dear.
322
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:30,440
ARLO WHIMPERS
It's OK, it's OK.
323
00:19:31,640 --> 00:19:33,880
Argh... It's OK.
324
00:19:33,880 --> 00:19:36,440
Did you see the Master
and Hortensia?
325
00:19:36,440 --> 00:19:38,800
No. I was inside the van.
326
00:19:38,800 --> 00:19:42,080
I heard him, though.
He thinks we were betrayed.
327
00:19:42,080 --> 00:19:44,040
Someone ratted us out.
328
00:19:44,040 --> 00:19:46,000
Does he know who? No.
329
00:19:46,000 --> 00:19:49,080
He said Hortensia had been acting
all weird recently.
330
00:19:49,080 --> 00:19:50,800
Very secretive.
331
00:19:50,800 --> 00:19:53,080
That's because she doesn't want
to marry Scaramouche.
332
00:19:53,080 --> 00:19:55,080
She's planning on running
away with...
333
00:19:56,720 --> 00:19:58,480
Hey, babe.
334
00:19:58,480 --> 00:20:01,280
Would you have an inhaler? Because
you are just taking my breath...
335
00:20:01,280 --> 00:20:02,520
Yeah.
336
00:20:02,520 --> 00:20:04,320
I've got one in here.
337
00:20:04,320 --> 00:20:06,920
Just put it back when you're
finished. I'll leave the zip open.
338
00:20:06,920 --> 00:20:08,240
Thanks.
339
00:20:09,440 --> 00:20:10,880
It's OK.
340
00:20:13,240 --> 00:20:14,960
That was easy.
341
00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:22,320
Baby, what're you doing to my Pops?
342
00:20:22,320 --> 00:20:24,240
I'm trying to make him come to.
343
00:20:24,240 --> 00:20:26,040
You're going about it
in a very funny way.
344
00:20:26,040 --> 00:20:28,320
Go find the smelling salts.
They're in his bag.
345
00:21:25,640 --> 00:21:27,920
HE SCREAMS
346
00:21:31,120 --> 00:21:33,440
HE HOWLS
347
00:21:36,480 --> 00:21:38,640
HE HOWLS
348
00:21:45,960 --> 00:21:47,680
What happened?
349
00:21:49,000 --> 00:21:51,840
She's gone - forever.
350
00:21:51,840 --> 00:21:55,320
Are you sure? I know when one is
dead, and when one lives! Lear.
351
00:21:55,320 --> 00:21:56,840
It's true.
352
00:21:56,840 --> 00:22:00,080
That spineless shit Scaramouche
left us right there
353
00:22:00,080 --> 00:22:02,480
in the middle of the fucking feds!
354
00:22:02,480 --> 00:22:04,520
We were like sitting ducks.
355
00:22:04,520 --> 00:22:06,200
Where is he?
356
00:22:06,200 --> 00:22:08,680
I'll slice the nose
right off his craven face!
357
00:22:08,680 --> 00:22:11,760
Where is he?! He went to get some
smelling salts for my Pops.
358
00:22:12,960 --> 00:22:14,680
Jesus, what a shitshow.
359
00:22:17,000 --> 00:22:20,600
Columbina, come here.
360
00:22:20,600 --> 00:22:22,680
You're the only one I trust.
361
00:22:27,880 --> 00:22:29,920
You tell me.
362
00:22:32,400 --> 00:22:34,680
Who's the snake here, eh?
363
00:22:34,680 --> 00:22:36,600
Eh? Who?
364
00:22:36,600 --> 00:22:38,640
Who tipped off the Old Bill?
365
00:22:38,640 --> 00:22:41,040
I dunno, er...
366
00:22:41,040 --> 00:22:43,000
Maybe it was, erm...
367
00:22:43,960 --> 00:22:45,480
SHE CHOKES
368
00:23:04,240 --> 00:23:05,920
You're with me now.
369
00:23:06,960 --> 00:23:09,760
Boss, what did you do that for?
370
00:23:09,760 --> 00:23:11,680
She's an undercover copper.
371
00:23:11,680 --> 00:23:13,160
She's wearing a wire.
372
00:23:13,160 --> 00:23:16,080
Check it out if you don't
believe me. How did you know?
373
00:23:16,080 --> 00:23:18,760
Hortensia saw her fiddling
with it in the bogs.
374
00:23:18,760 --> 00:23:21,240
I should've known
she was too good to be true.
375
00:23:21,240 --> 00:23:23,800
No, not...not Collie.
I...I don't believe it.
376
00:23:23,800 --> 00:23:26,560
Yeah. By my estimates, we have
less than five minutes
377
00:23:26,560 --> 00:23:28,560
before the Filth get here.
378
00:23:28,560 --> 00:23:30,120
Where's that coward?
379
00:23:30,120 --> 00:23:32,560
Scaramouche? Scaramouche!
380
00:23:32,560 --> 00:23:34,440
SCARAMOUCHE:
# Will you do the... #
381
00:23:34,440 --> 00:23:35,920
Oh, shit!
382
00:23:41,640 --> 00:23:44,560
See what you've done?
To your own intended?
383
00:23:44,560 --> 00:23:46,640
Hortensia...
384
00:23:46,640 --> 00:23:48,080
Oh...
385
00:23:48,080 --> 00:23:50,920
Oh, my Hortensia!
386
00:23:50,920 --> 00:23:55,000
I wished to woo you,
but now my woo has turned to woe.
387
00:23:55,000 --> 00:23:58,600
I beg that I could a-take
your place up in heaven!
388
00:23:59,760 --> 00:24:01,000
That can be arranged.
389
00:24:01,000 --> 00:24:02,920
Baby, why are you talking like this?
390
00:24:02,920 --> 00:24:06,000
I thought you had eyes only for me.
For you? What you on about?
391
00:24:06,000 --> 00:24:09,000
He wrote me a letter.
The subplot. Arlokino gave it to me.
392
00:24:13,600 --> 00:24:15,240
This is my daughter's hand.
393
00:24:15,240 --> 00:24:19,240
No, that is a letter.
This is your daughter's hand!
394
00:24:19,240 --> 00:24:22,480
She was going to elope
with a blockhead like you?!
395
00:24:22,480 --> 00:24:24,400
What are you talking about?
I barely knew her.
396
00:24:24,400 --> 00:24:27,400
You two a-timing floozy!
Take a-that!
397
00:24:27,400 --> 00:24:28,800
It wasn't him!
398
00:24:32,920 --> 00:24:34,680
It was me.
399
00:24:35,840 --> 00:24:39,120
Horsey and I have been having
an affair for several months.
400
00:24:39,120 --> 00:24:41,760
It was an amour fou.
401
00:24:41,760 --> 00:24:44,560
It started on that business trip
we took to Italy.
402
00:24:44,560 --> 00:24:46,320
Genoa?
403
00:24:46,320 --> 00:24:48,000
Yes, since she was a little girl.
404
00:24:49,320 --> 00:24:52,400
We flew back together
to the United States.
405
00:24:52,400 --> 00:24:54,920
Chicago? No, she was a passenger.
406
00:24:55,840 --> 00:24:59,360
And, when we landed at the airport,
I can't remember which one...
407
00:24:59,360 --> 00:25:00,880
Alaska?
408
00:25:00,880 --> 00:25:03,200
There's no point now. She's dead.
409
00:25:03,200 --> 00:25:06,720
We hatched this plan to steal
the diamonds from you
410
00:25:06,720 --> 00:25:09,640
and run away together
to the Caribbean.
411
00:25:11,080 --> 00:25:12,560
Trinidad and Tobago?
412
00:25:13,560 --> 00:25:14,880
Yes.
413
00:25:15,920 --> 00:25:18,440
But now it seems
it was all for nought.
414
00:25:18,440 --> 00:25:21,520
We have been caught
in flagrante delicto,
415
00:25:21,520 --> 00:25:23,080
and my beloved is dead.
416
00:25:24,160 --> 00:25:26,360
Mea culpa, gentle one.
417
00:25:30,600 --> 00:25:33,200
Well, maybe we can get back to
the A plot now we've had this
418
00:25:33,200 --> 00:25:35,680
little diversion.
I need you to hand over that case.
419
00:25:35,680 --> 00:25:37,880
No, Pantalone.
420
00:25:37,880 --> 00:25:39,640
I won't do it. Pops...
421
00:25:39,640 --> 00:25:41,800
These diamonds are all my son
and I have.
422
00:25:41,800 --> 00:25:44,560
They will ensure our safe
passage out of here.
423
00:25:44,560 --> 00:25:46,600
Quid pro quo, et cetera.
424
00:25:46,600 --> 00:25:48,680
I...I won't waste you here, Doc.
425
00:25:48,680 --> 00:25:51,600
I'll not shit on my own doorstep,
but I need you to hand me
426
00:25:51,600 --> 00:25:53,600
the fucking ice! It's fine.
427
00:25:53,600 --> 00:25:55,800
Do it. Nil desperandum, Mario.
428
00:25:55,800 --> 00:25:58,400
I can handle the negotiation.
429
00:25:58,400 --> 00:26:00,560
This is not a negotiation.
430
00:26:00,560 --> 00:26:02,680
Stop.
431
00:26:02,680 --> 00:26:05,600
You lay a finger on him and I'll
carpet the floor with your brains.
432
00:26:05,600 --> 00:26:07,840
It's a good thing we're not
using your brains.
433
00:26:07,840 --> 00:26:09,880
There'd be barely enough
for a fucking doormat.
434
00:26:09,880 --> 00:26:11,400
Scaramouche!
435
00:26:11,400 --> 00:26:14,880
Tame this little bitch of yours,
will ya? Please.
436
00:26:14,880 --> 00:26:18,000
Your family jewels belong
in Senor Pantalone's hands,
437
00:26:18,000 --> 00:26:20,040
not in your Papa's.
438
00:26:20,040 --> 00:26:21,880
Let us not come to blows.
439
00:26:21,880 --> 00:26:23,960
Oh, Captain, my Captain.
440
00:26:23,960 --> 00:26:26,880
I've dreamed of having
your weapon in my face,
441
00:26:26,880 --> 00:26:28,400
but not like this.
442
00:26:28,400 --> 00:26:30,240
Et tu, Scaramouche.
443
00:26:30,240 --> 00:26:31,840
Very well.
444
00:26:31,840 --> 00:26:34,280
Aut neca aut necare.
445
00:26:34,280 --> 00:26:36,200
Do or die.
446
00:26:36,200 --> 00:26:38,160
Give me the case!
447
00:26:38,160 --> 00:26:40,360
Give it to him, Pops. Are you sure?
448
00:26:40,360 --> 00:26:42,720
Yes, let him have it!
449
00:26:42,720 --> 00:26:44,400
SHOTS FIRE
450
00:26:48,840 --> 00:26:52,000
Well, Arlo,
this looks like arrivederci.
451
00:26:53,480 --> 00:26:54,720
ARLO SOBS
452
00:26:55,720 --> 00:26:57,720
I would take you with me,
453
00:26:57,720 --> 00:27:00,680
but, as you can see,
got me hands full.
454
00:27:01,920 --> 00:27:04,440
There's a boat out the back
if you want to take your chance
455
00:27:04,440 --> 00:27:07,160
on the river. I've got
an appointment with my fence.
456
00:27:07,160 --> 00:27:10,480
Boss, can you do me
a favour before you go?
457
00:27:10,480 --> 00:27:12,000
What's that?
458
00:27:12,000 --> 00:27:15,160
Can you make me a sandwich?
I'm starved!
459
00:27:15,160 --> 00:27:17,120
Yeah, here y'are.
460
00:27:17,120 --> 00:27:18,760
Help yourself.
461
00:27:20,360 --> 00:27:21,960
Ta-ta!
462
00:27:24,960 --> 00:27:26,400
DOOR CLOSES
463
00:27:31,800 --> 00:27:34,360
Come on. Get up, he's gone!
464
00:27:34,360 --> 00:27:36,520
Come on! Collie!
465
00:27:36,520 --> 00:27:38,720
Come on, girl!
466
00:27:38,720 --> 00:27:40,480
You read the script.
467
00:27:42,400 --> 00:27:44,880
Well, none of this has been
real, has it?
468
00:28:00,400 --> 00:28:02,680
Argh, argh...
469
00:28:06,320 --> 00:28:08,720
After all that,
470
00:28:08,720 --> 00:28:11,080
there's nothing left.
471
00:28:11,080 --> 00:28:13,800
Just a hot and spicy whip
472
00:28:13,800 --> 00:28:15,920
and a bag of clear mints.
473
00:28:29,000 --> 00:28:30,920
Well, fuck my old boots!
474
00:28:32,120 --> 00:28:35,080
I am going to be able to feed
myself after all.
475
00:28:42,240 --> 00:28:43,880
Are you coming, Echo?
476
00:28:53,520 --> 00:28:55,560
I thought you'd never ask!
33982
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