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1
00:00:01,340 --> 00:00:03,480
What the fuck made me do this for a living?
2
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I was always unusually good at musical statues
3
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and I could bust a move like Travolta when the music played
4
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But really
5
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it was that day in bloody Cardiff That guy, painted like a black devil
6
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A human statue
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He was making the crowd laugh by doing almost nothing
8
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and was raking in serious money
9
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That's all it took
10
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Never hated a day of it
11
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getting to be so quiet and still
12
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and ready to dance the robot,
make someone jump
13
00:00:26,540 --> 00:00:28,260
a few laughs for a few quid
14
00:00:28,520 --> 00:00:29,020
That's a reasonable reward, isn't it?
15
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If they watch you long enough
16
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But...
17
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right now...
18
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all the money in the world couldn't make me move an inch
19
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(Woman screams)
(Squelch)
20
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(Man screams)
21
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(zombie moans and people screaming)
22
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(zombies moaning)
(STILL THEME KICKS IN MENACINGLY)
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(zombie groans)
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Seriously...
25
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what the fuck is he looking at?
26
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I must have held my breath for five minutes
27
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If I don't breathe soon, I'll pass out
28
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(Emphasised sound of breath escaping)
29
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Shit! My leg's cramping.
30
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Oh great, and now my nose is itching
31
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Focus!
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(Dramatic music)
Statue: No! Not this way!
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(Woman screams)
Man: Why are you fucking standing still?
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(Woman screams in pain)
Statue: Oh thank Christ!
35
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00:02:04,060
(Man screams in pain)
37
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(Man screams)
38
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God, no...
39
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(Man's scream fades away)
(sounds of eating)
40
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I can't watch
41
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Oh, now that's just perfect!
42
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Oh for fuck's sake...
43
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OK, ignore this
44
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You're not going to vomit
45
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You're not going to vomit
46
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You're not going to vomit
47
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Fuck...
(Vomits into mouth)
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(squishy eating noises)
49
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Oh, god...
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(quiet gulp)
51
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(more sounds of eating)
52
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OK...think of anything
53
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Think of anything!
54
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OK, did any of the other entertainers make it?
55
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Bartie didn't make it...
56
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(Jangly piano music plays)
Bartie: Oh fuck!
57
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Fuck!
58
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(Splat!)
59
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Oh shit oh shit oh shit... arghhhh!!!
60
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What the fuck were you thinking?
61
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What about Pascal?
62
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Ummm...that would be a no
63
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I don't believe it!
64
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Wheelbarrow Man?!
65
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You audience splitting, act-stealing...
66
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beautiful bastard!
67
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Statue: You've nearly made it!
68
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God...Allah...anyone that can save me:
fucking save me now, please!
69
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Go Wheelbarrow Man! Go!
70
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You can do it!
71
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(tense music gradually rises)
72
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(zombie growls)
73
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(object thuds into wheelbarrow)
74
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Statue: Move!
75
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(Wheelbarrow Man vomits violently)
76
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(zombies groaning loudly)
Statue: Oh no...
77
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(Wheelbarrow Man yells in fear)
78
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(Wheelbarrow Man screams)
(zombies groan)
79
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(Wheelbarrow Man still screams)
(Wheelbarrow Man screams)
(zombies groan)
80
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(Wheelbarrow Man still screams)
81
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(Wheelbarrow Man's screams dies out)
82
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Move...
83
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MOVE!
84
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This is the chance!
85
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I am NOT dying today!
(TRIUMPHANT TRUMPET MUSIC)
86
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(Loud cracking noise)
Statue: Argh! Balls!
87
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(Ominous music)
(Zombie growls menacingly)
88
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Argh! Get away!
89
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Arse! Fuck!
90
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(FAST CHASE MUSIC)
(zombies groaning)
91
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Yuck!
(guts splat on floor)
92
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Ahhh! (pants)
(zombie growls)
93
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(zombies growling loudly)
94
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(zombie growls fade into distance)
95
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(Statue laughs)
96
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Haha! It worked!
97
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Yes!
98
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(loud ominous music)
99
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(Statue laughs nervously)
100
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Oh bugger...
101
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(Still theme tune)
6299
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