Original subtitles

[bright music playing]

Downloaded from YTS.MX

[ding]

Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX

* Do-be-do-be-do-do-do, oh *

["No More 'I Love You's'" by Annie Lennox plays]

* Do-be-do-be-do-do-do, oh *

* Do-be-do-be-do-do-do, oh *

* Do-be-do-be-do-do-do, oh *

[man] Zoey, I've loved you since the moment I saw you.

You knocked me off my feet, remember?

I knew even then, and I think you did too,

that what we've got is something special,

something powerful,

something real.

When I look into your eyes, I see our whole lives.

The good days, the bad days,

the birthdays, the old age.

I... I want to do it all, Zoey!

As long as I can do it with you.

And sure, it won't be perfect,

but nothing in this world is perfect,

except for you.

I'm ready to build a life,

a family, a future, together,

but that all starts with one question.

Zoey...

Zoey...

Uh, what's your last name again?

Brooks.

Zoey Brooks, will you marry me?

[people gasping and exclaiming]

What are you doing?

I'm asking for your hand.

We've been on two dates.

Two perfect dates that I would like to turn

into forever, so, will you make me the happiest--

No, no, definitely not, absolutely not.

Not in a million years, no!

Well, maybe if you said "yes" now,

and then we could talk about it later.

Byron, stand up.

Yeah. Hi.

You know this is weird, right?

Yeah, I know it's weird.

Just, I'm 30 and a half and I live with my mom,

and I'm the lead singer of a Maroon 5 cover band.

I don't really get a lot of second dates.

Thank you for your honesty, Byron.

I'm sure there's someone out there for you,

it just isn't me.

So I need to leave.

Yeah, that, uh, that makes sense.

You gonna be all right?

Oh yeah, I'm, uh, yeah, I'll be fine.

All right.

So I'll call you?

Please don't.

Okay.

-Congratulations! -Congratulations!

["Celebrity Skin" by Hole plays]

* Oh, make me over *

* I'm all I wanna be *

* A walking study *

* In demonology *

* Hey, so glad you could make it *

* Yeah, now you've really made it *

* Hey, so glad you could make it now *

[hard rock music ends]

[screaming]

[electricity buzzing]

[bright music playing]

[host] You're watching LOVE: Fully Charged.

Welcome to sunny Malibou Lake, California,

where 12 sexy singles will spend the summer

searching for their perfect match,

with the grand prize of either true love

or a car.

This season, we've taken

a stupid old Pontiac Solstice Coupe

and we've converted it

into the electric vehicle of your dreams.

With a range of 300 miles and self-driving capabilities,

this is the fully charged LUV-6.

Now buckle up because this week,

Jordan B. and Jordyn J.

go on their first date.

[mellow music playing]

What's up?

I currently drive a 2009 Ford Fiesta,

no A/C, no rearview mirror,

so you know I'm gunnin' for that Pontiac.

But Jordyn J. is lookin' super hot today,

so, yeah, I guess my head is starting to turn!

[giggling]

You're lookin' super hot today.

-You want some wine? -Yeah, thanks.

[laughter]

So look, why'd you pick me to go on a date?

Uh... [chuckles nervously]

[music stops]

Uh...

[chuckles] Um...

Tell her to go. Go, go!

[chuckles nervously]

[Jordan B.] Well, um...

Uh...

Uh...

Oh, thank God.

[whispering] Mysterious...

[Jordan B.] 'Cause you're mysterious

and beautiful,

and you caught my eye the second you walked in.

I haven't felt a connection like this

with anyone else in the villa,

and I'm excited to see where this goes.

I'm also excited to see where this goes too.

-To us. -To us.

[glasses clink]

[director] And cut!

-All right, that's a cut. -Moving on.

That was great, you guys! Really fun stuff.

Jordyn J., to confessionals.

Hey, how'd I do?

Oh, nailed it, just like we practiced.

America is going to love you.

I don't think I could do this without you.

How do you always know what to, like, say?

Oh, it's just a part of the job, Jordan B.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got a promotion to go get.

Get 'em, Zo!

[laughing]

[man] So the question that I propose to you,

my brilliant production team, is this.

[light music playing]

Has everybody seen what they're doing at Dog Cops ?

[all grumbling]

Yeah, it's some freaky shit.

Freaky, new...

shit, and that's what I want from you for our show.

I want freaky new ideas

or...

you're fired.

-[man] Make everyone get naked? -No!

[man 2] What if we paired someone with an animal?

We did that last season!

What if we replaced all the girls with their moms?

That's an amazing idea because if there's one thing

Middle America loves, it's old women.

No, doesn't test well.

What if Jordan B. proposed?

What if Jordan B. proposed?

[light music playing]

Everyone shut up. Greg, you had an idea?

[Greg stammers]

What if Jordan B.

proposed to Jordyn J.?

A proposal... on the second date?

[dramatic rumbling]

That is some freaky shiznit,

and it is so genius, it just could work.

How do you come up with this?

I don't know!

-[laughs awkwardly] -I know.

-'Cause you're related to me. -Actually, that was my idea!

Okay, so the reason I called this meeting,

every year, for the finale,

I put together a team of our brightest and our best.

The team that will be live with me

on site for our finale is...

[mimicking prolonged drum roll]

[continues mimicking drum roll]

This is how you do TV.

-Taylor! -Yes!

-Brian! -[cheers]

-Aiden. -Yes!

-Rafi! -Yeah!

-And of course, Greg. -[exhales excitedly]

Gotta have Greg. Everybody else... be better.

[paper crinkling]

See you on the ice. Meeting adjourned.

[men cheering]

[spirited music playing]

-Siri, start my treadmill. -Kelley, I need to talk to you.

Okay, I'm super busy, so make it quick please.

It's about your selections for live finale.

I think you're making a big mistake.

Pink or hot pink for the new girl?

-Nude. -She can't be naked.

No, no, it's a color. The color nude.

Do I have to do everyone's job around here?!

[Zoey sighs]

I would be such a valuable member of the team

because I've worked on the show longer than anyone.

-All the contestants trust me. -Mr. Kevyn, question from Legal.

Did we ever get permission to use Pontiac for the car?

We are the number one show on the network.

We don't ask Pontiac, we tell them.

In fact, tell Pontiac, if they don't like it,

they can kiss my tiny little nuts.

You done or you still need me?

I have better ideas than any of the guys!

The proposal was my idea!

Look, Debbie,

if you don't like your job, I can get you a new one.

Submission tape duty.

Wait, no, no, that is not--

Submission tape duty!

[elegant music playing]

Woo! LOVE: Fully Charged!

[sighs]

[Zoey] Not today, please.

-[ignition failing to start] -Please.

[sighs]

[fans yelling excitedly]

This is a closed set, I want to let you guys know.

I don't love that photo, to be honest. I'll sign this.

I do have to leave in about two seconds.

-But it's like the best picture! -All right.

[sighs]

[car beeps to mimic a wolf whistle]

Oh my God.

Need a ride?

[whimsical music playing]

Oh, come on, cheer up.

This is what happens when you still drive

your dad's PT Cruiser, from high school.

You're gonna need a new car, babe.

I'm fine. I like my car.

Isn't it crazy that I started as your intern,

and now like, we're... like, I'm like...

like a little above... like it's crazy.

What's crazy is that Kelley lets you take home the show car

but I can't even get him to look at me.

That's because Kelley is obsessed with me.

It would be like gross

if it didn't come with some perks.

I just think about all the things

I dreamed about in high school,

and now I'm here, and it's like,

is this it, is this the dream?

It's really gross how often you talk about high school.

[soft music playing]

No, but seriously, just break the rules.

There are two types of people, right?

Sharks and minnows.

I'm obviously a shark,

and you're-you're a minnow.

I'm not a minnow.

Okay, then prove it.

If you want Kelley's attention, just do what I did.

What did you do?

I solicited him for nudes and then I blackmailed him.

[laughing]

I'm joking!

You're crazy!

Um, no, I applied for the job.

If it makes you feel better,

I really thought the promotion was yours.

You deserve it more than anyone,

including me.

I make way too much money.

-You wanna go to sushi? -[ding]

Take me to SUGARFISH.

[male voice] Taking you to SUGARFISH.

-[Zoey] Archer! -[cars honking]

It's totally fine.

This drives itself, we can just relax.

Sit back, relax.

[male voice] Door closing.

[soft music playing]

[car beeps to mimic a wolf whistle]

[keys jingling]

[phone ringing]

-Hey! -Hi!

-Did you get it? -The promotion? No.

Sexism is still alive and well in Hollywood, baby!

What?!

Those idiots.

But no, the package, I meant the package,

Oh, uh, yeah.

-Five minutes, Ms. Pensky. -Thank you.

You in London? I thought your keynote wasn't 'til next week.

We're pre-taping it for the product launch.

Open it. I only have a few minutes.

The new TekMate?! These aren't even out yet!

I guess it pays to know the inventor!

Don't you want to turn it on?

[whirring]

Wow, the unbreakable see-through phone.

It's even better in person!

[laughs] Oh my God.

Did I tell you that I got proposed to the other night

on a second date?

It's like the second we turn 30,

everybody just becomes obsessed with...

"Will you be my maid..."

Wait, what is...

No.

Shut up!

Quinn and Logan are getting married!

-[shushing] -Sorry.

He met me in London and surprised me with a trip

to the Netherlands. He even chartered a plane,

which is so environmentally irresponsible, but...

-Of course he did! -Of course he did!

So, I just called Michael,

and he is obsessed with being the officiant.

And I got off the phone with Chase, and he is freaking out!

Oh. Hi-hi, Zoey!

So you heard.

-She finally said yes! -Hey, Logan!

And it only took you 50 times. Congrats!

Okay, so I know it's almost like too soon,

but the wedding has to be August 26th.

Long story short, product launch,

it's the only time I'm free for the next two years.

And I don't know what I'd do without my best friend there.

So what do you say?

You know, I thought I was gonna have to work,

but looks like I'm totally free!

Thank you. Hey, you wanna get me a water before I go on?

Anything for my fiancee.

Zo, you know it's gonna be fine, right?

Chase is gonna be there. It's gonna be fine.

More than fine, it's gonna be fun.

No one gets to see you anymore except me.

It'll be the reunion we all need.

I gotta go, love you.

[announcer] Please welcome inventor

Quinn Pensky.

[applause]

[phone beeps]

I need another drink.

* You used to know me... *

"No one sees you anymore."

[sighs] I see people.

Just because I haven't seen them in a while

doesn't mean we aren't friends, right?

I have a lot of friends, see a lot of people.

Even if I had the option, I'm too busy.

I'm really busy all the time.

* I used to be your angel, now I'm walking out your door *

* You say I'm turnin' evil *

* I'll say I'm finally pure *

* Shine bright in my reflection *

* Think I lost myself before *

* Held me back, tied me up inside a cage *

* Had to change my life *

* 'Cause I knew you'd stay the same *

* Couldn't see you were standing in my way *

* I can see clearly now, now, now *

* You used to know me, now you don't *

* You used to hypnotize me, did it so easy *

* You used to know me, now you don't *

Of course I had questions.

Who snuck into Sunday school?

Who stole the Subaru?

And who stabbed Sarabella Samson?

I'm Stacey Dillsen, and this is My Favorite Slaughters.

* I'm like a flower blooming since I left you behind *

* Don't know what I was doing *

-Woo! -Make a wish!

* Knew you were turning evil, you said I lost my mind *

* No, you ain't gonna do me like that *

* Held me back, tied me up inside a cage *

* Had to change my life *

* 'Cause I knew you'd stay the same... *

[laughter]

Is there shellfish in this?

[all shouting]

No shellfish!

* Now you don't *

* You used to hypnotize me, did it so easy *

* You used to know me, now you don't *

[yawns]

* Don't go through your camera roll *

* So much you don't know *

* That you've forgotten *

* What a trip *

* The way you can flip *

* Through all the good parts of it *

* I shouldn't have done it *

* Chronological order *

* And nothing but torture *

* Scroll too far back... *

[Zoey]

* I don't want to see 'em *

* But I can't delete 'em... *

What's goin' on? Yeah, give it to me.

Psh! Nice work. Yeah? Okay, here we go.

Oh, yeah. You're good at that.

Oh, yeah, you wanna fistbump? Let's go. All right.

* All the best *

[Zoey]

Chase, I'm really sorry about Hawaii.

But we were kids. Can we talk?

[Zoey]

Oh, no, no, no, no.

Oh, no. Oh...

[dings]

[electricity buzzing]

[Archer] You're watching LOVE: Fully Charged.

No peeking. No peeking. No peeking.

Okay, hang on. Hang on.

You ready? Three, two, one.

-Ta-da! -[all cheer]

Jordan B., what's going on? Did you do all this?

No.

I mean, yes.

Jordyn J., I know it's only our second date,

but there's something I want to ask you.

Oh, my God.

Oh my God!

Yeah?

-[music ends] -[nearby chatter]

Um...

Yes?

Um...

Um...

[Kelley] What is wrong with him?

[Jordan B.] Um...

Greg, what is wrong with him?

I don't know. He's never like this.

Yo, I'm so sorry, but before I do this, can I talk to Zoey?

Who the hell is Zoey?

Ah!

[inhales and exhales slowly]

Zoey, you embarrassed me.

The network loved Greg's idea of the proposal,

and then Jordan B. goes on one knee and is like,

"Uh, I need Zoey. Where's Zoey? Zoey, where's Zoey?"

Well, where were you, Zoey?

You put me on submission tape duty.

You are not here to answer.

You are here to listen.

I do not like Jordan B.

He acts like a baby.

But America disagrees.

It's probably the hair.

And if my prediction is right,

he's gonna go to the finals.

And when he does, I need you...

to be...

his mommy.

Mommy?

-Yes. -[joints creak]

[yelps]

When he is "hungy," you will feed him.

When he is crabby, you will check his diapey.

And when we go live,

you will be in his ears telling him exactly what to say,

because I will not be embarrassed again.

Does this mean I'm on the live team?

-Yeah, fine, on the live team. -Yes!

Oh, God.

No, uh, wait, I cannot tell you how long I waited to do this,

but I don't know if I can accept

because it is the same weekend as my best friend's wedding--

I was not asking, okay?

Whatever your plans are, cancel, okay?

You're busy.

-Thank you. -Thank you so much.

[exhales]

One more.

[sighs] One for the one. Just a little one.

[groans]

[gentle music playing]

Quinn, it's me, your maid of honor.

I can't come to your wedding.

I know it's the most important day of your life,

but I have to work.

Oh, I hate this.

-Zoey! -[gasps]

-Hi! Oh! -Hi!

Oh, my God, I'm so glad you're here.

My family's already driving me nuts.

Bubbe says I'm too pale.

My mom thinks I should add a belt to the dress.

-And Logan's sister Lyric is-- -Quinn.

-Lyric. Hi. -I need to talk to you

-about your wedding present. -Right now?

Yes.

My gift is an original song.

That is so thoughtful.

That I will be performing

as you walk down the aisle.

Lyric is an up-and-coming singer/songwriter.

I specialize in EDM/deep house/country-folk.

-It's like a whole thing. -Lyric, about the gift--

Shh.

[vocalizing individual notes]

Ooh, that's really good.

Uh, sorry, the melody just came to me.

I need to lay this down. Siri, open voice memos.

What I would give for the confidence

of a trust fund kid.

[sighs] Um, Quinn,

there is something I really need to talk to you about.

Ready, Miss Pensky?

Oh.

I'm sorry, I-- I gotta go.

-Talk later? Okay. -Yeah, okay.

Thank you.

-[sighs] -[Stacey] I hope she shows up.

[Camille] Zoey? The maid of honor? Why wouldn't she?

[Stacey] Because she never shows up.

And it's not like we don't invite her.

Now that you mention it, I worked with Quinn five years

-and I still haven't met her. -[Stacey] My theory is

I think she's still stuck on her ex, Chase.

-[Camille] The best man? -[Stacey] From high school.

It's sad. They were supposed to spend the summer

after senior year together in Hawaii,

but something must have happened,

because they broke up, and I don't think

she's had a relationship since.

[Camille] Oh, no. Poor thing.

And if she does show, it's going to be uncomfortable,

because I don't think she knows Chase has a girlfriend.

A serious one. We had dinner with them in Baltimore

when I was touring for my pod.

She's a teacher too.

They're so cute together.

[exclaiming]

-Oh, my goodness. -Zoey?

-Are you okay? -I'm good. I'm so good.

Your maid of honor has arrived!

-Hey! -Hi!

It looks like you could use a little drink.

Thank you.

[gulping loudly]

[sighs]

[laughs]

Miss Pensky, you look beautiful!

It is so good to see you, Zoey.

Oh, this is my mom, Quinn's grandma.

Not grandma. Never grandma.

Bubbe.

Nice to meet you.

Well, how's your family?

What is that little brother of yours up to?

Not so little anymore.

He has two kids and twins on the way, if you can believe it.

You all need to stop growing up.

-Mm-hmm. -Zoey!

-It's been so long! -Hi, Stacey!

[Zoey laughs]

And you must be Camille.

Yes, it's so nice to finally meet you.

We were just wondering whether or not you were gonna make it.

I know. I'm late, but I was at my boyfriend's house.

Lost track of time.

Boyfriend? Since when?

It's recent, but enough about me.

Now, don't make us wait until the wedding, Zoey.

Come on, give us the deets.

Yeah, yeah. What's his name?

Uh, his... his name is, um...

um...

Hemsworth.

Hugo Hemsworth.

Hemsworth? Is he Australian?

Yeah.

Like Liam and Chris Hemsworth?

They're distant cousins.

-Oh! What does he do? -What?

He is a doctor.

Surgeon, actually.

-[Stacey] Wow! -[Camille] Dr. Hemsworth.

She's ready.

Oh, thank God.

[tender music playing]

[all gasp]

She looks great.

You look amazing.

How do you feel?

Like I'd rather be getting married in a lab coat.

It's perfect. You're perfect.

You're a little pale.

Could use a belt.

[excited chatter]

-I'll see you soon. -All right. Bye!

-Uh, hey, where's your car? -Oh, it's in the shop.

-Oh. Do you need a ride? -That's so sweet,

but my boyfriend's picking me up.

-Wha-what? -Actually, his car is.

It drives itself.

Self-driving?

-Fancy! -Yes.

[laughs]

Uh, excuse me? Boyfriend? What did I miss?

Is this what you wanted to talk about?

Oh my God, are you bringing him to the wedding?

-This is huge! -No, no, no.

It's way too late to add a plus-one.

No, it's not. I'm literally texting our wedding planner.

Which reminds me, would you mind going to Santa Barbara?

Logan is getting the rings resized at some fancy place,

and there is no one I trust more than you.

Do you mind?

-I don't mind. I'll do it. -Thank you.

Oh! I love you.

-Mwah. -Love you. Bye!

[Zoey] And that's when I knew I had to do both:

the wedding and the finale.

* Used to be a baby, used to be a lady *

* Thought you were the perfect lover... *

[Zoey] If I was going to pull this off,

I needed three things:

A boyfriend, a car, and a plan.

The wedding is happening at 4:00 p.m.

at Logan's family estate in Malibu.

The live finale is happening at 5:00 p.m.

at the LOVE: Fully Charged stage,

just 2.3 miles up the road.

By the time I'm needed on set,

the wedding reception will be in full swing.

I'll slip away to work the finale,

and be back before anyone notices I'm gone.

It's foolproof.

Next, I needed a car.

A self-driving car.

Securing the keys was easy.

Kelley lets Archer take the LUV-6 whenever he wants,

and he was happy to hand them over.

[Archer] Wait, you're taking the car?

Zoey, get back here!

What? Ugh!

* Time to walk *

Ugh, thank God.

[slurps]

The student has become the master.

[Zoey] Now, all I needed was a date.

But where I was supposed to find a hotshot

Australian ER surgeon whose name was Hugo Hemsworth?

Yo, what's up? My name is Dragon.

My real name is Vantarius,

but I'm a really big Game of Thrones fan,

so I legally changed my name when I turned 18.

[grunts]

Come on, who can say no to this?

My name's Spencer, and I know what women want.

[Zoey] He probably didn't exist.

What I needed was an actor.

Hello, my name is Todd E. Schupert.

I'm 28 years old.

I'm an actor from Burbank, California.

I can also do accents. I can do Australian.

[in Australian accent] I just came out from Bondi Beach.

G'day, how are ya?

[Zoey] And that's where you come in.

Looking at your résumé,

I can see that you have years of training,

dozens of student films under your belt.

BFA in Acting.

Oh, and a minor in Early Childhood Development.

-Cool. -No, no, no.

I manny for family on the side.

Okay, I can quit if you need.

No major TV shows or movies. That's great.

Okay, so, sorry, what does this have to do

with me getting on LOVE: Fully Charged ?

Todd, I'm not here to talk to you

about being on LOVE: Fully Charged.

I saw your submission tape,

and I used my position of power to get you here.

That was wrong, and I'm sorry about that.

Okay, so why am I here?

I need a favor.

I need someone to play my boyfriend

at my best friend's wedding next weekend.

I need them to fully commit

the way only a real actor can.

Okay. So, like, method.

Sure. Yeah.

-[sighs] -I...

I don't know why I thought this was a good idea.

Forget I asked. I am sorry.

No, no, no. Okay, if I do this,

can you get me on the show?

I mean, I can certainly try.

That's good enough for me.

* You and me are through, though *

* Watch me hit it solo *

* I'm gonna do it a cappella, yeah *

[Zoey] Is this completely insane?

Which part, hiring a super-hot actor to play your boyfriend

at your best friend's wedding, or agreeing to be at work

the same weekend as your best friend's wedding?

The boyfriend part.

Convincing your friends you have a hot boyfriend

is the least of your concerns if he doesn't watch the road.

Does he know what he's doing?

[Zoey] The car drives itself,

and it performed very well during the safety testing phase.

It ran over six crash dummies.

Um, hello? Arch?

I'm losing you driving through the canyon.

Bad service.

The car will be back before the show goes live.

Okay, bye!

It's the red button, Zoey.

Big red button. Center. Yeah, right there. End--

Uh, what are you reading?

Oh, there are five steps to creating the perfect character.

The who, the what, the when, the where, and the why.

I have the first four, right? So who:

Hugo Boss Hemsworth.

What: he is a celebrated ER surgeon

who is madly in love with Zoey Brooks.

When: present day.

Where: born in Melbourne.

Raised in West Philly.

You really took some liberties there.

I just can't crack the why.

You know, my interpretation is that he's being used

as a tool to make your ex-boyfriend jealous.

-Is that right? -Jealous?

No, no, no, absolutely not.

That would be immature.

I just want to show him and everyone

that I am a very successful, well-rounded adult

who's moved on and is doing better than him.

Copy.

J-E-A-lous.

[classical music playing]

Hi. Oh, thank you so much for coming. Great tie.

-Thanks. -See you out there.

I don't know what to tell you, Chauncy,

he's just not shucking fast enough.

Get me another shucker. No, no, no, get me two.

The people need oysters.

I got eyes on the bride.

Hi. There you are.

-I've been looking for you. -I'm sorry, babe.

I've been putting out fires left and right.

Isn't that what the wedding planner's for?

-Yeah, I fired her. -You what?

Look, she just-- She wasn't executing the vision.

I thought this weekend was supposed to be

relaxed and intimate.

250 people is intimate, babe.

Do you know how many people I didn't invite?

-It's just all a little much. -A little much?

We got two life-sized cakes

of the bride and groom to drop off.

Yeah. Right there is fine.

-Wow. -Look, Quinn,

this is our wedding weekend, all right?

You work so hard,

you deserve more than a little much.

You deserve the most much.

I just want to give that to you.

I know you do.

-Quinn! Logan! -Michael.

You look amazing!

-No, no, no! -These are cakes!

Oh, wait, what? This is a cake?

-Yes. -Damn!

Could somebody get these human cakes out of here,

before I melt?

-Oh! -So good to see you.

-I'm so happy you're here. -Buddy.

[grunting]

Oh, man, I'm so excited that this is finally happening.

My two best friends are getting married?

Taking the plunge, and I get to plunge them?

[sighs] This is truly an honor. Honestly.

Oh, speaking of the ceremony,

I want to go over what I have so far.

I got, like, five drafts.

I've been writing, all right? [clears throat]

"Dearly beloved..."

[Zoey] Here we go, Todd.

[in Australian accent] Mind calling me Hugo?

It just helps me stay in character.

Now please, let me take my moment before.

[sighs]

Todd.

"We're gathered here to get through this thing called life."

What's up with that car?

-Todd. -I don't know anyone named Todd.

-That car. The car! -Oh, my God.

Look out!

[screams]

[tires squeal]

-[screaming] -Oh!

-Oh, my God! -[male voice] Doors opening.

-I thought that was... -You good? Everybody good?

[heavy rock music playing]

What's up?

What's up?

You almost hit us with your car!

It's called making an entrance, Logan.

All right. I'll accept that.

That's a pretty good entrance. I mean, damn!

-What's up, Zoey? -Michael, it's been too long.

Yeah, no shit, we live in the same city and we barely see you.

-What's up with that? -'Cause she's too busy

putting up with my ass.

Apologies for my appearance.

I had to come straight from surgery.

-Surgery? -This is Hugo.

-Hugo, this is... -Quinn and Logan!

The bride and the groom.

Of course I know who you are.

Zoey's told me so much about you.

-[Logan] Love your car. -Thank you.

And you must be Michael?

Yes. The officiant, Michael.

-Pardon? -The officiant.

You know, you said their titles, you know, bride and groom,

but I'm Michael, the officiant.

-Okay. -Yeah.

-That's awesome. -Yeah, it is awesome.

It's an honor, actually.

Yeah. Yeah.

Um, hon, I'm gonna go put the bags in our room.

Quinn, could you point me in the right direction?

The wedding party is staying in the guest quarters upstairs.

Yeah, I'll show them up. Come on, Michael.

Thanks.

[Logan] Somebody clean up that glass.

Okay, where did you find him?

He's perfect.

Tell me about it. [laughs]

So how are things going?

Oh, uh... well, you'll see.

[band playing swinging jazz]

Welcome. Welcome, everyone.

Cheers to Logan and Quinn.

[all] Cheers!

I got that second shucker on site.

All right, I'm taking him to you now.

I said two trays.

So then I'm thinking of closing with a joke.

You know, since everyone will be sobbing at that point.

-[snoring] -You gotta wake up.

I'm trying to rehearse here.

What a disgusting display of wealth.

God, I hate rich people.

Uh, don't you live here?

[mumbling]

It's journalism. The case I'm working on now

is a real stumper.

They call him the Malibu Murderer.

He's still at large.

-So you're a detective? -Podcast host.

Logan! Quinn!

Oh, look, I'm so glad you wore makeup

Bubbe, that's a cake.

-That's a cake? -Yeah. Come on. Come on.

-Don't talk to that. -[exclaims]

I see. This is big, even for Logan.

Yeah, I don't even know half these people here.

Well, you know me,

and I'm here for anything at all that you need,

whether it's a refill or a rescue.

Hey, babe? I really need you right now.

Aunt Carol and her bridge club want a photo.

-Okay, I'll rescue you. -Like, now.

-[sighs] -Save you in a bit.

Sleeping arrangements aren't gonna be a problem.

The rooms are huge.

[laughs]

I situated myself on the couch like a gentleman.

And didn't think to change.

Zoey, I'm creating a character, okay?

-Mm-hmm. -I just...

I need you to trust the work.

Now, which one is the ex?

I don't think he's here yet.

Okay, good, I'm gonna go get us some drinks.

[jazz music continues]

[music ends]

[tender, poignant music playing]

Oh!

[gasps]

Chase.

Here.

[sighs]

[Chase] Uh...

Hi.

Hi.

Hi!

[Chase] Oh, um...

this is my girlfriend, Danielle.

-Hi. -So excited to be here.

It's like a dream, meeting everyone

Chase keeps talking about from high school.

Nice to meet you. I'm--

Ah. Let me guess.

Dana.

Lola?

-Coco? -Zoey. I'm Zoey.

Chase, I don't remember you mentioning a Zoey.

Yeah, well, must have slipped my mind.

[Danielle] Ah, sorry.

Vodka martini, slightly dirty.

Mm, just like you, cowgirl.

[Zoey giggles]

Hi, I'm Hugo Hemsworth, Zoey's boyf.

Oh! Boyf. Wow, that's a strong grip.

-And jawline. -Thank you.

I... [splutters] am Chase. Chase.

[Danielle] Danielle.

-Hi, nice to meet you. -Nice to meet you.

[cell phone chimes]

-Hang on one second. -Yes, babe, sure.

Um, I have to take this.

-So nice to meet you, Danielle. -Likewise.

Chase, I had something I wanted to tell you,

but must have slipped my mind. See you.

[Todd] See you, sexy.

You'll have to excuse the scrubs.

I had to come straight from surgery.

-Surgery? -Wow.

We pulled a double.

Heart and brain at the same time.

That's amazing.

["good 4 u" by Olivia Rodrigo plays]

[vocalizes] * Well, good for you *

* I guess you moved on really easily *

* Found a new girl, and it only took a couple weeks *

* Remember when you said you wanted to give me the world? *

* World *

* And good for you *

* I guess that you've been working on yourself *

* I guess that therapist I found for you *

* She really helped *

* Now you can be a better man *

* For your brand-new girl *

[Zoey] Sorry, I was getting the car detailed.

-Please! -Oh, the shoes.

Then take them off. Take them off.

-Greg. -Okay, here.

Leave her shoes-- Leave them there!

Okay.

Oh, sorry. Okay, okay.

Perhaps you'd care to explain...

-this. -[Zoey gasps]

The thing I love most about Jordyn J.

is probably her boobs.

Oh, my God. The hair...

looks so...

good.

So you knew about this

and you let it happen?

Because the hair? That was it.

That was all that he had.

That's exactly why.

He wanted to show Jordyn J. and America

that he's more than just his hair.

Uh, he's a trendsetter.

It's called strategy.

Is it?

Kelley, being your first and only female producer,

you just got to trust me on this.

I know what our audience wants because I am our audience.

And I love the hair.

For your own sake,

I hope that you are right.

[Zoey] Okay.

[Kelley] Zoey?

Seriously.

Hot dress.

-Oh. -[Kelley] Yeah.

Now I take you seriously.

Okay. Thanks.

Greg!

Punch you in the face.

[Todd] Just pumping away, trying to get a pulse.

Seven-year-old kid swallowed a ping-pong ball.

[gasps]

-So sad. -Oh, my God.

No, no, no. Don't worry.

He is fine.

[all laugh]

Nobody has ever died on my table.

Aw!

Except maybe a couple times.

[laughter]

Who even is this guy?

Shh. He's so sweet.

You know what? Enough about me.

Stacey, I'm a huge fan of the pod.

Total Slaughter-head.

-Oh! -[Todd] Yeah.

Any updates on the Malibu Murderer?

Oh. Um... you listen?

Ahem. I'm back.

This is Mark, my field producer.

-Husband. -Uh-huh.

But, yes, also field producer.

Didn't you and Quinn used to...?

Date. Yes.

Yeah, it was just a fling.

But this, uh...

-This is the real deal. -Excuse me.

How was it with the witness?

-I got a description... -Yes, Mark. Great work.

...of his hands.

Damn it, Mark, that's not enough.

But go on.

She said the hands were large.

That's it?

[Todd] Not guilty!

[all laugh]

-[woman] They're enormous. -[Danielle] Oh, so funny!

[Zoey] Jordan B., why is your hair orange?

I thought I could fix it without anyone noticing.

Fix what?

I found a gray hair, okay?

You happy?

I can't have gray hair at 23. I'm supposed to be hot.

You bleached your whole head because of one gray hair?

Then it kind of started falling out, so I had to cut it.

I tried to find you first, but you weren't here.

I'm sorry. I know.

-It's just... -[cell phone chimes]

Hang on. One second.

Um...

-I'm gonna have to leave again. -What?

If you need anything at all, you call me.

Not Kelley, okay? Me.

You're gonna be fine.

What was I saying?

Oh, yeah. Jordyn's boobs.

[funky, upbeat music playing]

[breathing heavily]

Om...

* Cha cha *

* Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da *

[sighs]

* If you wanna have some fun *

* Come with me I'll give you some *

* Get back, get back *

[Todd] So, in a way, I credit Zoey

for saving that little boy's life.

-[all] Aw! -[Todd] Yeah, she...

-[woman] So sweet. -[Todd] Oh, my God.

She inspires me to be a better surgeon.

-[all] Aw! -Wow.

Can you take a look at my feet? Because--

[all yell]

-Whoa! -What is that?!

[Mark] I'm sorry, it stinks.

[Michael] Don't smell it. Just fix it.

Quinn?

Quinn?

[cell phone vibrates]

-Jordan B., what do you want? -[Jordan B.] Zoey. [cries]

Oh, no, no, no, no. Don't cry. Don't cry.

It's gonna-- It's gonna be okay.

No! A neck tattoo will not fix what you did to your hair.

[Quinn] Who's getting a neck tattoo?

I-I have to go.

Quinn, I've been looking all over for you.

What are you doing in the bathtub?

I'm unclogging the drain.

Did you know clogged drains can lead to corrosion and flooding?

Oh no.

Okay, what's wrong?

I never dreamed of having a wedding.

But then I fell in love with someone who did.

And I want to do this for him, but it's all a lot.

Does Logan know that?

We've been together over a decade. You'd think so.

But he's so totally absorbed,

it's like he's a different person.

I know he's dreamed of having an extravagant wedding,

and I'm trying to be sensitive to that.

But I'm not a rational function. My limits are not infinite.

If only humans could have vertical asymptotes,

you know what I'm saying?

Not at all.

But I think I get the gist of it.

So why don't we just get out of here.

Leave my own party?

I don't think I'm allowed to do that.

You're the bride. You can do whatever you want.

Party's almost over.

Plus, there's a cake down there

that everyone thinks is you anyway.

[laughs]

-Where would we even go? -I have ideas.

-[muted club music playing] -Seriously?

A karaoke bar?

No, no, no, no. It's late.

The rehearsal's tomorrow.

-We gotta be rested. -[Quinn] Hey!

Look at me.

I love you.

I love you too.

So stop thinking about the wedding for one second

and have some fun with me, okay?

[sighs]

Fine.

-Okay. All right. -[all] Yeah!

But if Michael doesn't sing Limp Bizkit, I'm leaving.

Cool. Everyone's drinks are on Logan. Let's go inside.

-[all cheer] -Let's go. Come on, babe.

-[Michael] That's it, Logan. -[Stacey] Let's do this.

-You good? -I'm good. You good?

-Yeah. Great. -Good.

[Michael yelling]

[rock music playing]

* Chocolate stardust *

* Keep on rolling, baby *

* Throw your hands up *

* Now move in, now move out, hands up, now hands down *

* Back up, back up, tell me what you gonna do now *

* Breathe in, now breathe out, hands up, now hands down *

* Back up, back up, tell me what you gonna do now *

* Keep rollin', rollin', rollin', rollin' *

* Keep rollin', rollin', rollin', rollin' *

* Keep rollin', rollin', rollin', rollin' *

* Keep rollin'... *

Yeah! This is my favorite! Rollin', rollin'!

* I know y'all be lovin this ish right here *

* L-I-M-P Bizkit is right here *

* Gonna F you up, shut the F up *

* And back the F up while we F this track up *

[inaudible]

* You wanna mess with Limp Bizkit? *

* You can't mess with Limp Bizkit *

* 'Cause we get it on every day and every night *

Was he always that talented?

Yeah, but in school it was mostly sad flute music.

Oh, yes!

So you all went to high school together?

Yeah! PCA, baby!

So sad what happened.

We were the last class to attend Pacific Coast Academy.

The school closed down in 2009

when multiple parents complained about poor education standards,

leading the state to launch a formal investigation,

only to discover the school wasn't even accredited

and Dean Rivers was stealing students' tuition

and blowing it at Morongo Casino and Resort.

Yeah, it wasn't even a real school.

The student loans were real! Ha!

[laughing] I have so much debt!

* Keep rollin', rollin', rollin', rollin' *

* Rollin' *

-[all cheer] -Woo!

-Let's go! -Great job, buddy. Great job.

-Let's do it. -[Logan] That was awesome!

[indistinct shouting]

I'm gonna hit the head. Does anybody need anything?

Chase? Maybe a water?

Yes.

All right, I'll be right back.

-Consent to a kiss? -Granted.

All right, next up, we have Hugo Hemsworth

and Chase Matthews

singing a duet.

No, I'm all set.

Babe, you love karaoke. Go!

[cheers and applause]

[all chanting] Chase! Chase! Chase! Chase!

-Yes! -Woo!

[Stacey] Yes, Chase!

Go, Chase, go!

Hope you're cool with the high part.

Uh, what song are we even--

* Now I've had *

* The time of my life *

* No, I never felt like this before *

Damn it, I love this song.

* Yes, I swear *

* It's the truth *

* And I owe it all to you *

* 'Cause I've had *

* The time of my life *

* And I owe it all to you *

-Yo, they're both... -Pretty good!

-Yeah. -Let's go, Chase!

Not bad.

Bet you didn't know I was a high tenor, did you?

* I've been waiting for so long *

* Now I finally found someone *

* To stand by me *

* We saw the writing on the wall *

* As we felt this magical fantasy *

* Now with passion in our eyes *

* There's no way we could disguise it secretly *

* So we take each others' hand *

* 'Cause we seem to understand the urgency *

[tender, upbeat music playing]

-Are they...? -Wasted?

One of them is.

* I've had *

* The time of my life *

* No, I never felt this way before *

* Yes, I swear *

* It's the truth *

* And I owe it all to you *

[cheering]

[Michael] See that bod?

Yes!

[Mark] Calm down.

[cheering]

Yes!

I can't dance like that. I can't dance like that.

No, come on! Come on!

Oh, whoa, whoa. Are you okay?

I am so sorry, dude.

What is this?

What? I thought we were just having fun.

This is about Zoey, isn't it?

You're mad we dated so you're trying to make me jealous.

Well, that's not gonna work, Mr. Sexy Doctor Man,

because I don't care about Zoey anymore.

-What's happening? -Looks like they're fighting.

[inaudible]

Let's just chill out.

That's it. I'm over it! I'm over her!

-Well, doesn't sound like it. -What'd you say?

I just get the feeling

that maybe you're not actually over her.

-[screams] -[all gasp]

[all cheer]

[laughing]

You're getting a bit heavy.

-Ah! -[all gasp]

-[Mark] What? -Up! Up!

What is your problem?

Oh, boo-hoo! Time for rehearsal!

Out of bed!

Everybody outside in ten!

[Stacey] What is the matter with you?

[both continue shouting indistinctly]

Can't he leave me alone for one minute?

I'm so sick of babysitting this guy.

I cannot do this today.

[sighs]

-Todd. -Hmm?

Aren't you a manny?

It's a side gig, but yeah.

-Hmm? -No!

-[whimpers] -[sighs]

No. I'm your fake boyfriend.

Fake hungover boyfriend.

I'm not your babysitter.

Please. Please.

[Logan] Meet me in the chapel in ten!

I have to go be with my friends. I really need your help on this.

Please.

The villa is just right up the street.

You can go up there, distract him, have fun.

-Please, please, please? -Wait, so I get to go to set?

Yes. Thank you.

Oh, my God. Finally.

[Logan] Places! Okay.

So we're gonna start with Michael

making an announcement to ask all the guests

to silence their phones.

Cue Michael.

[wheezes]

[Michael gasps weakly]

Cue Michael.

[wheezing] Silence your phone.

Bro, what is going on?

[Lyric] "I think I lost my voice."

How do you know what he's saying?

I'm really good at lip-reading.

From over there?

-Plus, I have 20/20 vision. -[Logan] Great.

So my officiant has lost his voice

the day before the wedding!

This is why we can't have fun.

[Lyric] "Let me show you. Ready?"

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today

to celebrate this thing called patriarchy.

Heard of it?

Which has been used for centuries to oppress women

by buying and selling them.

It's also kept the majority of wealth in the male minority.

[Logan] Okay, thank you, Lyric.

Look, I'm sorry, buddy, but I gotta replace you.

-[Lyric] "Son of a--" -Fine.

-I'll do it. -What?

I have the number one murder podcast in the U.S.

People would literally kill

to have me officiate their wedding.

Yeah, you make a fair point.

But who's gonna walk me down the aisle?

-It's a straight line, babe. -Michael, obviously.

[Lyric] "Okay, sounds good."

[Logan] Let's try this again.

Stacey will ask everyone to silence their phones.

Get out of here, buddy.

-[clears throat] -Cue Stacey.

[in deep, booming voice] Silence your phones!

Just a little less creepy next time, okay?

Yeah, okay. Lyric's gonna sing us in.

Lyric!

[device chimes]

[vocalizes notes, stops]

[vocalizes notes, stops]

My AI gloves weren't programmed to deal with that reverb.

Did you hear the echo?

-[vocalizing] -[distorted audio]

All right, guys, get in places.

Michael, Mark, Camille and Jared, come on.

-Tighten up. -How's your nose?

How do you think?

Your boyfriend dropped me on my face on purpose.

He did not do it on purpose.

Zoey, he's very strong. His muscles are huge.

He definitely could have held me.

Classic Chase. Taking everything so personally.

He said he was sorry.

[Logan] All right, cue Camille and Jared.

Chase, I know it's awkward, but for the sake of our friends,

can't we at least just try to be friends?

[sighs]

I'm sorry, but after everything that happened,

did you really think we were gonna be able

to just link arms and stroll off into the sunset?

All right, now Zoey and Chase will link arms and stroll.

Okay, the timing of that was unfair.

[Logan] They're linking. They're strolling.

You could look happy.

Okay, cue the bride.

[Chase] And, frankly, there is no amount of philanthropy

that will ever make up for those mistakes.

-[laughter] -Lastly,

Quinn, you have come up

with so many wonderful inventions over the years,

but I think that your most impressive yet

is actually the reinvention

of this guy right here, my best friend.

He's become an amazing man because of you.

And so I think I speak for all of us

when I say thank you very much, Quinn.

-[all laugh] -To Quinn and Logan. Everyone.

[all] To Quinn and Logan!

[glasses clink]

This is nice. Stace, isn't this nice?

Everyone together, celebrating?

Mm-hmm. Mark, tell me something. You're my field producer, right?

And husband.

Then why aren't you in the field?

I thought we'd take the night off.

Can the women who are being murdered

take the night off, Mark?

But...

couldn't he be here?

-What? -I'm just saying,

technically couldn't the Malibu Murderer

be at this wedding

in Malibu?

How dare you, Mark?

These are our closest and dearest friends.

-You're so right. -Why would there be a murderer

-at this wedding? -Just forget I said it.

Enjoy your fish.

-Where's Hugo? -Oh.

Um, uh...

he got called in for an emergency.

If only there were more people like him in the world.

Hey, Zoe, your turn. Like yesterday.

Oh, right. Yeah, okay.

[glass clinking]

I would like to make a toast.

I've known Quinn and Logan for more than half my life.

During that time, I've watched Quinn grow,

evolve, and accomplish almost all of her dreams.

And I've watched Logan watch her do that.

[all laugh]

Everyone says that high school love doesn't last,

and they're right.

Most of the time, it doesn't.

Against all odds,

Quinn and Logan have proved them wrong.

Uh... um...

uh, that's why it's so real

and inspiring.

Just really makes me,

you know, just dance a little and, um...

[bangs on table] ...just really gets me

so excited, I just want to sing and drink a lot.

-[all cheer] -Yeah!

To Quinn and Logan!

-[excited chatter] -[glasses clink]

[all gasp]

I'm such a klutz. I'm gonna have to go change.

You missed your mouth by a lot.

I know. I'm sorry. I'll be right back, okay?

What is going on?

Why is he here? And what is on his face?

I'm an ice tiger. Grr!

Todd, what happened?

[in normal voice] You told me to babysit.

So I took him to the pier.

He wanted to ride the kiddy coaster, right?

But he's too big, so he hit his head on the support beam.

Now he can't remember the last six months of his life.

Including the show, or Jordyn J.

-What? -[roars loudly]

-[roaring] -My God.

Did I just hear a lion?

No. My dad made me get rid of all my exotic pets.

[Todd] It's not that big of a deal.

Right? It's okay.

I mean, wasn't Jordan B. pretty stupid already?

[roars]

You're right, maybe nobody will even notice.

I mean, I'm gonna be telling him exactly what to say.

Okay, I need to get back down there.

So you're gonna sneak him into the villa,

put him to sleep, he'll sleep this off,

-and everything will be-- -[cell phone chimes]

Oh.

[screams]

[bright, upbeat music playing]

[panting]

[male voice] Door opening.

Door closing.

Zoey, it is show day.

You said you were gonna have the car back in time,

so where's the car, babe?

Archer, I promise you,

the car is the least of your worries.

Have you seen Jordan B. today? Is he acting a little,

um, I don't know, different?

Oh, hey!

-Hi. -Hey!

Whoa!

[panicked chatter]

Just as dumb as usual. Why?

No reason! Look, I'm on my way with the car.

I just have to make a little pit stop in Santa Barbara.

Santa Barbara? That is not on the way.

Okay, um...

What do I do?

[heavy metal music blares]

-[music turned off] -No.

[male voice] Door opening.

[gasps] Oh, my God! I'm so sorry! I did not mean to!

-[groans] -Oh, Chase.

It's you.

Zoey!

If my nose wasn't broken before, I think it might be now.

Why are you even up this early?

I went on a run. Why are you even up right now?

Is your nose bleeding?

Oh, here, I have some tissues.

[male voice] Door closing.

-Uh, no... -Wait, no, no, no!

Wait, wait!

[male voice] Navigation calculated.

Estimated time: one hour, 12 minutes.

Zoey? Turn it off.

[Zoey] I don't know how.

[Chase] You don't know how to work your own car?

-Come on. -Turn off!

-Door. Stop car. -[Chase] Uh...

[Zoey] Cancel trip.

[male voice] New drive time: one hour, 59 minutes.

[Chase] Why did it just go up?

-Quinn? -Here comes the bride.

All dressed in really pretty pink pajamas. Hello?

-Wedding day! -Good morning!

-You all look so good! -You do!

Where's Zoey?

-Oh. -Zoey?

Zoey?

-Zoe? -Zoey?

-Zoey? -Zoey?

It's showtime, baby.

Can you at least tell me where we're going?

Cool, I guess we'll just sit in silence then.

Chase, you made it very clear

that you don't want to hear what I have to say.

I thought that maybe this weekend,

we could put our past behind us and act like adults,

but clearly we cannot.

So, yes, I think it's best if we don't speak.

[male voice] Playing "Don't Speak."

* You and me *

* We used to be together *

* Every day, together *

* Always *

* I really feel *

* That I'm losing my best friend *

* I can't believe this could be the end *

* Don't speak *

* I know just what you're saying *

* So please stop explaining *

* Don't tell me, 'cause it hurts *

[Todd, in Australian accent] Ladies, are we decent?

[laughs]

Hugo, what are you doing here?

Zoey's dealing with a little work emergency,

-so she sent me. -Wow.

-Who wants mimosas? -[excited chatter]

[Todd] Yes!

-Everybody take a glass. -Is everything okay?

[Todd] Here you go. Everything is fine.

-She's gonna be right back. -Okay.

[male voice] Arriving at Perry's Fine Jewelry.

[whimsical music playing]

[Chase] But Logan said you got the rings already.

Doors opening.

Thank God. Let's get out of here.

This thing's horrible. It's like a prison on wheels.

Doors closing. Self-park activating.

Oh. Heh.

Hey, is that the car from LOVE: Fully Charged ?

No.

I'm pretty sure it is.

No, it's not.

[woman] These are really nice.

Even I would like for you to buy me some of these.

You know, if you want somebody on the side,

I am that person.

[bell dings]

[gasps]

We are appointment only.

You have an appointment?

Um, we're here to pick up.

-Name? -Reese. Logan and Quinn.

Oh, Mr. and Mrs. Reese.

Stop playing with me. You know you got no money. Go home.

Oh! Mr. and Mrs. Reese, I did not recognize your voice.

I spoke to y'all over the phone.

Remember me? Janice.

-No, that's actually not... -No. We're not...

Honestly, it's fine. My mama say I'm forgettable.

But you two are late.

I thought maybe you was trying to ditch us

and get your rings down the street.

[both laugh nervously]

Pauline! Kayla!

-The Reese family is here! -Oh, my God.

[chuckles]

[Janice] The rings will be right out.

-Oh! -Oh!

[chuckles nervously]

Pauline! Kayla!

[gasps]

Oh, this is a lot.

-Uh, no. -Uh, no. We're fine.

-Take it. -[whispering] Take it.

-Okay. -[both chuckle nervously]

We love giving high-paying customers like yourself

the full VIP treatment.

We hope you don't mind.

-We actually have to go. -Yeah, we need to leave.

Oh, come on, you're never gonna be as in love as you are now.

And it might not even last.

-Probably won't. -That's a weird thing to say.

Okay. Oh!

[Janice] A toast to the bride and groom.

-[camera shutters click] -[all] Cheers!

So, Quinn and Logan, what's your story?

-Again, we're actually not... -We don't want to...

Oh, come on, don't be those people, so boring.

Don't even think about being those people.

You're not gonna get these rings until you spill the tea.

Now, where did you meet?

Well, we met in middle school.

Oh, young love. I love. Then what?

He saw me and ran his bike into a flagpole.

-No. A flagpole? -I'm dead.

-Then we became best friends. -Study buddies.

But everybody knew I had a thing for her.

And no one knew I had a thing for him.

-They knew. -They did not.

But every time I tried to take it to the next level,

something always got in the way.

-Other boyfriends. -[all gasp]

-Other girlfriends. -Yikes. We don't like that.

-Distance. -Mm-hmm.

-Mistakes. -Ugh.

But anyway, here we are getting married now.

It's great, so fast-forward to now.

We'd love our rings.

[chanting] Kiss. Kiss. Kiss.

[all] Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss.

-Actually, we're just gonna... -Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!

-We're just gonna... -Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!

Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!

Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!

-[all cheer] -[camera shutters click]

Guys, seriously?

-We're actually gonna head. -We should leave, right?

This is a lot. And the champagne was...

* I'm just waiting for your love *

* You know you are the only one *

* That I think of *

* And all I want to do is fuel the fire *

[all] Oh.

-Seriously, these suck. -Every single one.

Blurry.

No, actually, Zoey's the big spoon

and I'm the little spoon.

We're cute like that.

[all laugh]

Hugo, you are hilarious.

Where did you grow up again?

[in normal voice] Burbank.

[in Australian accent] Uh... Brisbane.

[laughs]

Australia. Brisbane.

[Lyric] Sometimes I use an Australian accent when I go out.

[in bad Australian accent] You wouldn't believe

how many men, women, and nonbinary people I get

when I use this voice.

Hey, Hugo, could you text Zoey for me?

I've tried a bunch of times, but she hasn't responded.

Yeah, can do.

I'll get us a bottle while I'm out.

[sighs]

All right, see you soon.

[in bad accent] Ugh. Aussies are the best.

[computerized voice] Hey, Logan, here's an idea.

I can still officiate the wedding

using text to voice.

What? No, dude. Absolutely not.

Look, I can't find Chase anywhere. Where is he?

[wheezing]

Dude, I can't hear a single thing you're saying.

Where is he?

-I'll text him. -I'll text him.

Thank you, Jared.

[computerized voice] Jared, you suck.

Really, Michael?

[upbeat music playing]

[Chase and Zoey laughing]

[Chase] Is that what happens when you get engaged?

Free champagne everywhere you go?

[Zoey] No, that's what happens when you drop

-six figures on a ring. -[laughs]

So, um, you think you and Hugo will get engaged?

[laughing] No.

I'm-I'm-- I mean, no.

Not really thinking about marriage.

But what about you?

Danielle? No. I mean, she's great.

Um, for now.

Uh, you know, the timing just felt right.

Timing. Something we never had.

[somber music playing]

I'm so sorry about Hawaii.

I tried to call. I sent messages.

And I completely understand why you didn't respond,

but I wanted the chance to explain why I--

Left me alone on a literal island and waited weeks to call?

Yeah, why did you do that?

I guess I was so used to it not working out between us

that I was scared of what would happen

if it actually did. So I just bailed.

I really, really wish I hadn't.

I mean, I've tried to move on. I've tried to forget.

I threw myself into work.

Distanced myself from all of our friends.

I even downloaded every dating app on Earth.

But no matter what I did, it always came back to you.

I know that sounds so ridiculous, but it's why...

[music brightens, intensifies]

-[alarm beeping] -[music fades]

[Chase] Why is the car stopping?

[male voice] Zero percent charge.

Oh, my gosh. You have to charge this car.

[Chase] Yeah, that's kind of a thing.

[dramatic orchestral music playing]

You look beautiful.

Thank you.

Is that what you're wearing?

Yeah, why?

No reason.

-Anything yet from Zoey? -No.

Calls are going straight to voicemail.

Why is...

...nothing going through?

[Chase] Yeah, I think I had better over here, actually.

[Zoey] What am I gonna do? How could this be the one spot

that there's absolutely no service?

[cell phone beeping]

Zoey, Zoey, hey, hey.

I think we can make it, but we have to go.

We have to walk now.

-Okay. -Come on.

[Chase] Yeah, it'll be good. Here we go.

Have you heard from Chase this morning?

Nobody can get a hold of him.

No, I haven't.

Wow, you look so good.

Thanks. So do you.

-Have you heard from Zoey? -No, I haven't.

Wait. Is this supposed to be their first look?

-They're weird like that. -[Logan] Wait.

So the maid of honor and the best man are both missing?

I can't believe this.

[Zoey, breathlessly] How much farther?

[Chase] Oh. Here.

Okay. Thank you.

Here, you wear mine.

Oh, that's so much better.

Yeah, this is...

-This is not better. -Okay.

Oh, God.

[indistinct chatter]

[music continues]

[music ends with an echoing gong note]

[electronic music playing]

[vocalizing softly]

[bell rings]

So normally I could not afford Montecito,

but I can afford Montecito if the house has had a murder,

-which this one has. -Uh-huh.

-The whole first floor-- -I think that might be wet.

What is that?

Uh, it's "White Diamond," Mr. Kevyn.

Benjamin Moore?

This is a great shade.

I mean, I love it.

Will you paint my office that color?

-Yeah. -Great. Now?

-Oh. Yeah. Yes, sir. -Now!

No, in the future. Now!

-Greg! -Hi, hi.

Hey.

Does anyone have eyes on the car?

[dramatic orchestral music playing]

[Chase] Oh, God.

Come on, we gotta go. We gotta go.

[Zoey sighs] Okay.

[cell phone vibrating]

[phone line ringing]

-Hello? -Oh, my God!

I thought you were dead! I hoped you were dead!

I've called you like a thousand times.

-Where the hell are you? -I know, I know.

So I didn't exactly realize that the car needed to be charged.

So it's dead on the side of the PCH.

Oh, my God!

But it's okay.

The car doesn't even need to be there...

because Jordan B. is going to listen to what I say.

How are you gonna tell him what to say if you're not here?

Archer, you're gonna have to trust me on this one.

Well, I actually don't.

-[sighs] -Um...

I didn't mean to eavesdrop, but it sounds like

you've gotten yourself into quite a complicated situation.

You have no idea.

[Chase gasping]

[Lyric vocalizing]

[electronic music playing]

Okay, we have waited as long as we can, all right?

These guests are gonna leave

if we have to listen to Lyric sing anymore.

[Zoey] Wait.

We're here. And we have the rings.

Quinn, I'm so sorry. I can explain.

No. No explanations, all right? We are late enough as it is.

Places. Go. Go.

Cue Lyric.

[mystical synth music playing]

[sighs]

Cue me.

[vocalizing]

And cue Michael and Mark.

* This *

* Is my gift to you *

* A song *

* For your day brand-new *

Cue Camille and Jared.

* Written *

* By me *

* For you *

* You together *

* She's in her wedding dress *

* And he's hoping she'll say yes... *

I was really worried about you.

I know. I'm so sorry.

* I wrote it for the both... *

And Zoey and Chase.

* Ooh *

* I just want you both to know *

* That I wrote this song *

* Yeah, I wrote this song *

Thirty seconds to showtime.

[man] Thirty seconds, everybody.

Hey, what am I supposed to do?

Are you seriously asking me that?

-Yes. -If you pick a Pontiac over me

on live television,

I will make your life a living hell, hmm?

Hey, pal.

Pre-show jitters are totally normal, okay?

Here's what I want you to do. Just relax and listen to Zoey.

-Can you do that for me? -I think so.

You're gonna be great.

-Oh, who's Zoey? -She's not here, dude.

You'll have to manage this on your own.

-Nice hair, by the way. -Thanks.

-Fifteen seconds. -Wow, okay, Joey. Thank you.

[Kelley] And paging Zoey.

Zoey, do you copy?

Where's the girl?

[Zoey, on earpiece] I'm here. I'm here, Jordan.

You got this, buddy. Just take a deep breath for me.

[inhales sharply]

[sighs loudly]

This should be fun.

Please rise.

[gentle music continues]

Welcome to the LOVE: Fully Charged

season six live finale!

[applause]

I'm your host, Archer March. Three couples remain.

But only one can win.

And that couple will soon be revealed.

[applause]

First, let's look at some highlights

from this juicy season.

[gentle music continues]

[song continues indistinctly]

[vocalizations continue]

Love you.

[in deep, booming voice] You may be seated.

No?

[clears throat]

Dearly beloved...

[Archer] Are you ready, America?

[audience cheers]

I don't know about you, but my heart is racing.

Ugh, I'm sorry. I just hate their faces.

Is it just me?

Don't-- I'd like you not to answer.

...of two of my very favorite people in the world.

A genius, whose discoveries will define a generation,

and my rich friend, Logan Reese.

the winners of LOVE: Fully Charged season six are...

Jordan B. and Jordyn J.!

[audience cheering]

Congratulations, you guys.

Wow. This is so well-deserved.

How are you feeling right now?

Uh...

Say, "It wouldn't have been possible

without this beautiful woman."

It wouldn't have been possible without this beautiful woman.

[audience] Aw!

Oh, um, did the maid of honor

have something she wanted to say?

-[feedback squeals] -Oh, no! God!

[people murmuring]

Oh, no! God!

[Zoey] Sorry.

I'm just so overwhelmed with emotion.

Uh-huh. Um, as I was saying...

Sorry, I'm just so overwhelmed with emotion.

[Archer] Okay, well, um, don't get too excited,

because it's not over yet.

You still have a very big decision to make.

Tight on the garage. Perfect. Very nice.

Should anyone present know of any reason

that this couple should not be joined in holy matrimony,

speak now or forever hold your peace.

[music fades]

[deep, rumbling note resonates]

Stacey.

[Stacey] You.

It's you.

Mark.

Hugo.

You were right under my nose.

How did I not see it sooner?

First, you came to the welcome reception in dirty scrubs,

and no self-respecting ER doctor would ever leave the hospital

in dirty scrubs.

Two, you said you were from Burbank,

which is not in Australia.

And also...

you have massive hands.

Hey, look...

Everyone, this man is not the charming,

selfless, hilarious,

extremely jacked Hemsworth cousin that we all thought.

This man is the Malibu Murderer!

-[all gasp] -Wait, wait? Murderer?

No, no, no, no. I...

[in normal voice] I'm not a murderer.

I'm an actor.

[indistinct murmuring]

Jordan B., what do you love most about Jordyn J.?

-What's going on? -Nothing, absolutely nothing.

Nothing, absolutely nothing.

[audience gasps]

[Archer] Jordan B., we're all a little confused.

What is it that you really want?

If it's absolutely nothing, then why were you late?

It was the car! The car!

[gasps] No, Jordan, not you.

The car. Oh, the car!

No, Jordan, not you.

[audience gasps]

[mouthing]

Can you explain all of this?

Yes. Sorry. Of course.

Am I hearing you correctly?

[laughs nervously] You're choosing the car?

Yes. Sorry. Of course.

[crying]

Open the garage, I guess.

[tense music playing]

[Kelley] Where is the car?

Where is the effing car?

Greg?

Are you watching LOVE: Fully Charged ?

Oh! Who won?

What is going on?

[somber music playing]

I'm working.

I'm working during your wedding.

I got an opportunity, and I tried to do both.

If you had to work, why didn't you just tell me?

Because this is so important, and you were so excited.

So I lied. To myself, to you.

To everyone.

What about him? What is Stacey talking about?

Hugo is not a murderer.

I'm not sure how she came to that conclusion.

His name is Todd,

and I hired him to be my boyfriend for the weekend.

I knew something was going on with you.

You've been distant and distracted,

and you completely abandoned me when I needed you the most.

To do what? Hang out with Chase?

Zoey, you should be ashamed of yourself.

Logan, don't even start.

You care more about making this wedding a spectacle

than about making it meaningful.

You completely ignored me every step of the way.

None of this is what I wanted.

Our wedding is off.

[crowd gasps]

* If I'm so smart *

* Why do I feel so dumb? *

* Why did you take *

* My heart *

* Then just cut and run? *

* And if the pain is real *

* Why do I feel so numb? *

* And if I'm so smart... *

-[audience jeering] -I don't know what's happening.

I don't know what's happening.

I could do everyone's job in here

better than everyone who is not doing their job in here.

Everyone's fired. Get out.

* ...feel so down *

* Why do I see *

So I guess this is a wrap on me then, huh?

Yeah. Thanks for everything this weekend.

I'm so sorry I dragged you into all this,

and I can't even get you on the show.

I'm an actor in L.A.

I kind of expect to be disappointed.

You got my head shot and resume?

-Yeah. -Okay.

* If I'm so high *

* Why do I feel so down? *

[sighs]

* And if I'm so brave *

* Why do I feel so scared? *

* Why did you tell me stay *

* Then just disappear *

* And if it's true *

* You're going *

* Why do I still feel you here? *

* So long, farewell *

* Goodbye *

* So long, farewell *

* Goodbye *

* So long, farewell *

* Goodbye *

-Hey. -Hey.

So, did you talk to Danielle? I mean, I feel awful.

Zoey, I... I have a confession.

Danielle and I actually broke up two weeks ago.

She agreed to still come with me to the wedding

so I didn't have to show up alone.

Well, at least you didn't hire an actor.

[laughs] Yeah, there's that.

[gentle music playing]

How did I screw this up so bad,

and when did life get so messy?

I know we thought high school was hard,

but I would kill to go back to PCA.

Yeah, it's too bad Quinn hasn't invented a time machine yet.

I'm sure we'd all love to go back.

Yeah.

Go back.

That's exactly what we need to do.

Uh, what?

[dramatic orchestral music playing]

[music fades]

[Zoey] This is gonna take a while.

All right, people, let's get to work.

Let's do it.

[Stacey] Think there's anything left

in the old arts and crafts studio?

You know, this is great and all,

but what if I can't get her here?

I've tried flower arrangements, edible arrangements,

a sky writer, nothing.

Have you tried talking to her?

-No! -Maybe try that.

-There's so much to do. -I know. I know.

Do you mind helping Ms. Reese with lights over there?

Thank you.

[Stacey] I don't know, Mark! Just be helpful!

-I'm trying. -Here, I'll help.

-Thank you. -Got it.

Zoey!

Look what I found!

No, no, you're under strict vocal rest until it's time.

Is this cake?

-Yeah. -I knew it.

[Chase] Okay, okay.

Okay, listen, I know that we thought

Sushi Rox closed when the school did,

but it turns out Kazu's son started a food truck,

and they'd be more than happy to cater.

Perfect. She loves sushi.

Cool, I think that covers everything, right?

Except for music.

I know that Quinn was really excited about the band,

but unfortunately they're unavailable today.

So who are we gonna get to play the music?

Me.

I'm a DJ too.

* You're welcome *

Sounds pretty good. That settles it.

So, what do we do now?

Now? We wait.

[dramatic music playing]

[soft squeaking]

[music softens, brightens]

I'm so sorry, Quinn!

Maybe this all happened for a reason.

Maybe we just want different things.

-And maybe that's okay. -No!

I don't want different things. I only want what you want.

I was trying so hard to make this wedding perfect

for me and for you.

I stopped thinking about us.

I was an idiot.

I was worse than an idiot. I was--

A groomzilla?

Yes.

Is that a thing?

All I know is I want to be with you...

because I love you, Quinn.

I love you too, Logan.

I love Quinn Pensky!

And I love Logan Reese!

[man] Shut up!

Hang on, I'll buzz you up.

Can you come down?

I was hoping we could go for a ride.

Logan, where are we? What are we doing?

[music slowly builds]

[sweeping, romantic music playing]

[music softens]

Hi.

Hi.

What is all this?

Did you do this?

We all did.

Quinn, I'm so sorry.

You can't not marry your best friend

because your other best friend ruined it.

But I'm wearing this.

Well, you did always say

that you'd rather get married in a lab coat.

-[laughs] -Here.

How do you feel?

Like myself.

Quinn Pensky...

will you marry me still?

-Yes? -Yeah.

-Yes! Yes! -[all laugh]

-She said yes. -[guests applaud]

[playing "Wedding March"]

[Michael clears throat]

[Michael, hoarsely] Dearly beloved.

-[in normal voice] Just kidding! -[all laugh]

We're gathered here today

to celebrate this beautiful love

between Quinn Pensky and Logan Reese.

[upbeat dance music playing]

Seriously, best ceremony I've ever heard.

I mean, hilarious, heartbreaking, personal.

Did you write that yourself?

I've been writing that since high school

when they first fell in love.

You should do our wedding.

Oh, I'm down. Let's do it. Let's go!

[cell phone vibrating]

Oh, excuse me.

I have to take this.

Kelley, I know what you're going to say,

and my stuff will be out of the office on Monday.

[Kelley] I'm promoting you.

You're what?

The numbers are in.

It was the highest-rated

LOVE: Fully Charged finale ever.

The network is sharting their brains with happiness.

They want a spin-off with both Jordans.

I want you on my team.

-I don't know what to say. -There is so much more to you

than meets the eye.

You have so much more to offer.

What you did by throwing out

every reality TV trope,

by ignoring me at every turn,

that took balls.

I respect balls.

-You're right. -What?

I do have a lot to offer.

And I'm tired of wasting it on people who don't deserve it,

like you.

-I quit. -I'll double your salary.

-And give me the corner office? -Yeah, sure.

And fire Greg?

-Hey, Greg? -What?

You're fired.

All right.

-Yeah, done. -[Stacey] Oh, there he is! Todd!

[cheering]

One more thing.

Deal.

Hey, Jordan?

Go home.

I don't know where I live!

I am sorry that I accused you of being a murderer,

but you have to understand it was not my fault.

It was Mark's. Mark, what did you do?

I followed a bad lead.

That's right. And what do you have to say to Quinn?

I am sorry we ruined your wedding?

We?

I'm sorry I ruined your wedding.

[Stacey] Better.

Oh, I am also very sorry, but he does not speak for me.

-[scoffs] -No, it's a feminism thing.

We do that-- Where are you going?

Todd, you made it.

I'm so sorry I'm late. I manny on the weekends.

Well, you may not have to anymore,

because I got you on the show!

-No. -Yes!

Thank you!

Everybody, get out of the way.

Quinn and my dumb brother are gonna do their first dance.

[all cheer]

["You Wanna Be My Man" by The Shivas plays]

-So... -Tell me.

This wedding sucks. Where are the oyster shuckers?

-All right, I deserved that. -[laughs]

* I *

* Don't know *

* Don't care *

-* Won't go * -Phew.

You want to dance?

* You say *

What's next, Chase Matthews?

Back to Baltimore?

You know, it is really cold out there.

Well, I heard, and don't quote me,

but I heard there are schools in California.

Oh, well...

Well, maybe I'll look into that.

But whatever the future holds...

I hope that you're in it.

Because...

I love you, Zoey.

And I always have.

I...

love you too.

[music continues]

[cheers and applause]

Ugh, I'm bored.

[music changes abruptly] * Starships were meant to fly *

* Hands up and touch the sky *

* Can't stop, 'cause we're so high *

* Let's do this one more time *

* Starships were meant to fly *

* Hands up and touch the sky *

* Let's do this one last time *

* Can't stop, we're higher than a mother... *

-["Starships" continues] -Toss it back! Woo!

* We're higher than a mother... *

* We're higher than a mother... *

* Starships were meant to fly... *

I hear you're, like, a producer.

Heard of Drippin' ?

And you're friends with Logan?

And he didn't introduce me to you?

[whiny] Logan, you always do this to me!

You never support me in any of my endeavors!

I support you. Don't--

* Starships were meant to fly *

Good for you for picking up on the rebound, you know?

Yeah!

-Yeah. Yeah! -Yeah.

Sloppy seconds.

* Can't stop, we're higher than a mother... *

* We're higher than a mother... *

* We're higher than a mother... *

[song ends, fades]

I know you're bummed we didn't catch him this time, Stace,

but we will.

We always do.

That's why we're the number one murder podcast in America.

Yeah.

You're probably right.

So great meeting you, Todd.

Sorry again about that little mix-up.

Oh, don't even worry about it.

You guys get home safe, okay?

[dramatic music playing]

Shh.

[music ends abruptly]

["Follow Me" by Jamie Lynn Spears plays]

I have ideas.

Excuse me, did I wink?

[laughter]

[woman] You're loving it, Mr. Perry.

-Oh, I am. -[laughs]

Mr. Perry, you own a jewelry shop.

I'm loving it too.

[laughing]

Bubbe! What are you doing?

Oh, I thought you were cake.

-No, it's me. -I almost ate you.

Here, I got your back.

-[belches] -Oh, my God!

-We're in a car! -It didn't smell bad.

[chuckles]

Somebody help me. My God.

With a 300-mile driving radius--

Uh-huh, what's the line? [laughs]

I'm sorry to this camera that has to go back and forth.

Loving you.

-[chatter] -* Yeah, yeah *

* Tell the DJ... *

[man] And...

[woman] Could you play that back?

[laughs]

* Yeah *

Are you guys still filming me? Can I ask an honest question?

Can you tell that these are ladies' leggings?

I don't think you can tell. Right?

* Yeah, yeah *

I'm good.

-[man] Cut. -[indistinct chatter]

-Are you okay? -[Erin] No, I'm not.

And that's that.

* Inside your head *

* Just get out with me instead *

* Let's melt the stress away *

* Yeah, yeah *

* Yeah, yeah, you *

* Do what you want to do *

* Be your own kind of muse *

* It's your role to play *

* Yeah, yeah *

* Tell the DJ play *

* We can dance all day *

* Let's just get away, yeah *

* We can make them see *

* All of the things that we can be *

* Forget all your fears and follow me *

* Yeah, yeah, yeah *

* The stars are shining now *

* They're shining for you *

* Shining for you *

* But you don't need shooting stars *

* The magic's all in you *

* We can make them see *

* All of the things that we can be *

* Forget all your fears and follow me *

* Yeah, yeah, yeah *

* Tell the DJ play *

* We can dance all day *

* Let's just get away *

* Yeah *

* We can make them see *

* All of the things that we can be *

* Forget all your fears and follow me *

* Yeah, yeah, yeah *

[music fades]

[dramatic orchestral music playing]

[music fades]