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1
00:02:38,283 --> 00:02:40,744
Clark Griswold.
I'm trading my wife's old car in.
2
00:02:40,911 --> 00:02:42,412
[CHUCKLES]
3
00:02:42,579 --> 00:02:44,915
Say goodbye
to the old gas-guzzler, Russ.
4
00:02:45,082 --> 00:02:46,625
See you later.
5
00:02:46,792 --> 00:02:48,335
Pretty exciting, isn't it, Rusty?
6
00:02:48,502 --> 00:02:51,380
- What's that, Dad?
- Picking up the new car.
7
00:02:51,922 --> 00:02:54,341
Yeah, you can't wait, can you?
8
00:02:54,633 --> 00:02:56,760
- Hi there, Ed.
- Good to see you, Mr. Griswold.
9
00:02:56,927 --> 00:02:59,221
- How're you doing? Ruben, right?
- Rusty.
10
00:02:59,388 --> 00:03:01,264
- Okay.
- Look at him. He can't wait.
11
00:03:01,431 --> 00:03:03,141
So did you bring your trade-in?
12
00:03:03,308 --> 00:03:06,061
Yeah, a guy just took it away
a couple of seconds ago.
13
00:03:06,228 --> 00:03:07,646
- Let's get to it, then.
- Okay.
14
00:03:07,813 --> 00:03:10,524
We were afraid the new one
wouldn't come in yet.
15
00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:14,152
On our way to California. The big vacation,
the whole family, Walley World.
16
00:03:14,319 --> 00:03:16,613
- Walley World? Very exciting, Clyde.
- Clark.
17
00:03:16,780 --> 00:03:19,241
Well, there she is.
18
00:03:19,408 --> 00:03:20,450
Where?
19
00:03:20,617 --> 00:03:22,369
Right here. The wagon.
20
00:03:22,536 --> 00:03:25,080
Dad, this is not the car you ordered.
21
00:03:25,247 --> 00:03:29,334
Take it easy, Rusty.
Ed, this is not the car I ordered.
22
00:03:30,335 --> 00:03:33,630
I distinctly ordered
the Antarctic Blue Super Sportswagon...
23
00:03:33,797 --> 00:03:36,299
...with the CB
and the optional Rally fun pack.
24
00:03:37,384 --> 00:03:39,261
You didn't order the Metallic Pea?
25
00:03:39,761 --> 00:03:43,140
Metallic Pea? No, Antarctic Blue.
26
00:03:43,306 --> 00:03:46,643
The Sportswagon.
This isn't even the right model.
27
00:03:46,935 --> 00:03:49,312
I think you're right.
I don't think this is the car.
28
00:03:49,479 --> 00:03:51,481
This is the new
Wagonqueen Family Truckster.
29
00:03:51,648 --> 00:03:55,152
This is a damn fine automobile,
if you want my honest opinion.
30
00:03:55,318 --> 00:03:57,154
Beats the hell
out of the Sportswagon.
31
00:03:57,320 --> 00:03:58,989
But I want to make you happy.
32
00:03:59,156 --> 00:04:00,365
Davenport.
33
00:04:00,532 --> 00:04:02,284
I'll get to the bottom of this.
34
00:04:02,451 --> 00:04:03,744
DAVENPORT:
Yes, Mr. Ed?
35
00:04:03,910 --> 00:04:06,913
Mr. Griswold ordered a blue Sportswagon.
Where is it?
36
00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:08,957
I don't know, sir.
37
00:04:11,543 --> 00:04:14,045
I know what must have happened.
38
00:04:14,713 --> 00:04:15,797
It didn't come in.
39
00:04:15,964 --> 00:04:21,511
Ed, I'm not your ordinary,
everyday fool. Okay?
40
00:04:21,678 --> 00:04:24,931
Now, I'd like my Antarctic Blue
Super Sportswagon right now.
41
00:04:25,098 --> 00:04:28,685
If you can't get it for me,
I'm gonna take my business elsewhere.
42
00:04:29,060 --> 00:04:30,103
Where's my old car?
43
00:04:34,441 --> 00:04:36,735
I'm just as upset as you are. Believe me.
44
00:04:36,902 --> 00:04:38,528
Davenport.
45
00:04:38,695 --> 00:04:42,115
Get Mr. Griswold's car back.
Bring it back here.
46
00:04:47,829 --> 00:04:51,750
I can get you the wagon, no problem.
The problem is, it might take six weeks.
47
00:04:52,584 --> 00:04:54,711
I owe it to myself
to tell you, Mr. Griswold...
48
00:04:54,878 --> 00:04:57,547
...if you're thinking of taking
the tribe cross-country...
49
00:04:57,714 --> 00:04:59,841
...this is the automobile
you should be using.
50
00:05:00,008 --> 00:05:02,010
The Wagonqueen Family Truckster.
51
00:05:02,177 --> 00:05:04,846
You think you hate it now,
but wait until you drive it.
52
00:05:05,013 --> 00:05:08,433
I don't want to drive it.
I just want my old car back, okay?
53
00:05:08,600 --> 00:05:12,729
I'm not falling for this bit.
No way. Let's go, Russ.
54
00:05:21,988 --> 00:05:23,990
[CAR ENGINE RATTLING]
55
00:05:45,595 --> 00:05:47,222
Clark, is that the right car?
56
00:05:47,389 --> 00:05:50,433
No, it isn't, honey. I changed my mind.
57
00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:53,395
They flattened our old car like a pancake.
58
00:05:53,562 --> 00:05:56,815
Are you serious?
Is this really our car, Dad?
59
00:05:56,982 --> 00:06:00,068
What happened? I thought we were
gonna get the little Sports thing.
60
00:06:00,235 --> 00:06:02,821
Oh, no. The Sportswagon's
much too small.
61
00:06:02,988 --> 00:06:05,115
Besides, I got a great deal on this one.
62
00:06:05,282 --> 00:06:08,910
Let me tell you, if we're taking
the whole tribe across country...
63
00:06:09,077 --> 00:06:11,663
...believe me, this is your automobile.
64
00:06:11,830 --> 00:06:12,956
[RATTLING CONTINUES]
65
00:06:13,123 --> 00:06:14,749
Why is it still running?
66
00:06:14,916 --> 00:06:16,418
Oh, all new cars do that.
67
00:06:16,585 --> 00:06:18,044
I'll take care of that in a second.
68
00:06:18,211 --> 00:06:19,880
[CHUCKLES]
69
00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:24,759
You may think you hate it now, honey,
but wait until you drive it.
70
00:06:26,303 --> 00:06:28,471
Whoa! An air bag.
71
00:06:28,638 --> 00:06:31,892
You know, Clark, it's not too late
to fly out to California.
72
00:06:32,058 --> 00:06:33,310
We only have two weeks.
73
00:06:33,476 --> 00:06:36,479
Let's not get into that again,
sweetie pie. Please?
74
00:06:36,646 --> 00:06:40,525
Lots of families fly, Clark.
Especially cross-country.
75
00:06:40,692 --> 00:06:44,654
The whole idea of a family vacation
is to spend time together as a family.
76
00:06:44,821 --> 00:06:47,240
You get on an airplane,
you put on your earphones...
77
00:06:47,407 --> 00:06:49,576
...and you're lost in your own world.
78
00:06:49,743 --> 00:06:51,953
It's an awfully long ride, Clark.
79
00:06:52,120 --> 00:06:54,331
I'm looking forward
to an awfully long ride.
80
00:06:54,497 --> 00:06:58,960
You get to see the kids all the time.
I see them two minutes in the morning...
81
00:06:59,127 --> 00:07:02,547
...two minutes in the evening.
Maybe three hours on the weekend.
82
00:07:02,714 --> 00:07:06,760
Sheesh. One of these days I'm gonna
get up and realize that my little babies...
83
00:07:06,927 --> 00:07:08,970
...are all grown up. And then what?
84
00:07:09,638 --> 00:07:13,141
I just thought it might be easier to fly.
85
00:07:13,308 --> 00:07:16,519
Nothing worthwhile is easy, Ellen.
86
00:07:16,686 --> 00:07:18,688
We know that.
87
00:07:18,855 --> 00:07:19,981
Kids?
88
00:07:20,148 --> 00:07:21,232
[VIDEO GAME PLAYING OVER TV]
89
00:07:21,399 --> 00:07:23,109
Who wants to see the triptych?
90
00:07:23,276 --> 00:07:24,861
What? Dad, we're playing.
91
00:07:25,028 --> 00:07:28,865
Okay, shut off the video games.
Come on, Russ. Shut it off.
92
00:07:29,032 --> 00:07:32,243
I know you'll enjoy this.
I worked out the trip on the computer...
93
00:07:32,410 --> 00:07:35,288
...So we get the maximum amount
of fun time at Walley World...
94
00:07:35,455 --> 00:07:38,249
...without missing any of the good stuff
along the way.
95
00:07:38,416 --> 00:07:39,960
Here we go. There's us.
96
00:07:40,126 --> 00:07:41,544
And there's Walley World.
97
00:07:43,129 --> 00:07:45,298
Let's just take a look at Day One.
Shall we?
98
00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:48,176
Honey, come on in.
We're gonna do Day One.
99
00:07:48,802 --> 00:07:50,053
[BEEPING]
100
00:07:52,555 --> 00:07:56,726
Okay, now there's the Family Truckster
as we leave Chicago.
101
00:07:56,893 --> 00:07:59,437
[VIDEO GAME BEEPING]
102
00:08:01,773 --> 00:08:04,192
CLARK:
Rusty, please, do not eat the Truckster.
103
00:08:05,527 --> 00:08:09,364
Russ, do you mind? I'm trying to work
this out here on the computer. Please.
104
00:08:10,991 --> 00:08:14,869
Okay, Audrey. Thank you, Audrey.
That's just great.
105
00:08:16,079 --> 00:08:17,831
RUSTY:
Look out, Dad, here I come.
106
00:08:17,998 --> 00:08:19,582
CLARK:
All right, that's enough, Russ.
107
00:08:19,749 --> 00:08:21,793
Okay. Now, I think we're moving towards--
108
00:08:21,960 --> 00:08:23,920
Thank you. Good shot, Audrey.
109
00:08:24,087 --> 00:08:26,631
Dad, I forgot. Why aren't we flying?
110
00:08:26,798 --> 00:08:30,593
Why aren't we flying? Because getting there
is half the fun. You know that.
111
00:08:32,929 --> 00:08:35,515
I turned off the water,
the stove, the heat and the air.
112
00:08:35,682 --> 00:08:38,309
Locked the door, notified the police,
stopped the papers.
113
00:08:38,476 --> 00:08:39,894
I called to get the grass cut.
114
00:08:40,061 --> 00:08:42,605
Did I put the timers
on the living-room lights?
115
00:08:42,772 --> 00:08:44,607
Oh, and don't forget the mail.
116
00:08:44,774 --> 00:08:47,277
- Watch that elbow. Keep your arm straight.
- Bye!
117
00:08:47,444 --> 00:08:49,029
[ALL CHATTERING]
118
00:08:49,195 --> 00:08:50,363
- Bye!
- CLARK: So long.
119
00:08:50,530 --> 00:08:54,909
- MAN 1: Drive careful now, Clark.
- MAN 2: Watch out for the Indians, Clark.
120
00:08:55,076 --> 00:08:57,287
Watch those freeways.
121
00:08:57,454 --> 00:08:58,788
Oh, goodbye.
122
00:08:58,955 --> 00:09:00,749
ELLEN:
Oh, I know I've forgotten something.
123
00:09:01,708 --> 00:09:03,126
CLARK:
Walley World, here we come.
124
00:09:03,293 --> 00:09:04,627
[ENGINE STARTS]
125
00:09:15,221 --> 00:09:17,140
CLARK & ELLEN [SINGING]:
♪ Mockingbird, tell me ♪
126
00:09:17,307 --> 00:09:20,268
- ♪ Everybody have you heard? ♪
- ♪ Have you heard? ♪
127
00:09:20,435 --> 00:09:24,647
- ♪ He's gonna buy me a mockingbird ♪
- ♪ He's gonna buy me a mockingbird ♪
128
00:09:24,814 --> 00:09:28,735
- ♪ And if that mockingbird don't sing ♪
- ♪ And if that mockingbird don't sing ♪
129
00:09:28,902 --> 00:09:32,947
- ♪ He's gonna buy me a diamond ring ♪
- ♪ He's gonna buy me a diamond ring ♪
130
00:09:33,114 --> 00:09:37,368
- ♪ And if that diamond ring don't shine ♪
- ♪ If that diamond ring don't shine ♪
131
00:09:37,535 --> 00:09:41,414
- ♪ He's gonna surely break this heart of mine ♪
- ♪ It's gonna break this heart of mine ♪
132
00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:46,169
- ♪ And that's why I keep on singin' in your ear ♪
- ♪ And that's why, yes indeed, oh, yes indeed ♪
133
00:09:46,336 --> 00:09:49,214
♪ Yay, yay, whoa-oh-oh ♪
134
00:09:49,380 --> 00:09:51,674
- CLARK: Come on, kids.
- We don't know any of your songs.
135
00:09:51,841 --> 00:09:54,844
-Dad, is that made-up? It sounds made-up.
CLARK: Okay, I got one.
136
00:09:55,011 --> 00:09:59,349
How about The Walley World
National Anthem? Huh?
137
00:10:00,141 --> 00:10:01,643
- Okay, okay, you start.
- Ahem.
138
00:10:01,810 --> 00:10:05,438
ALL [SINGING]:
♪ Who's the moosiest moose we know? ♪
139
00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:06,773
♪ Marty Moose ♪
140
00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:10,318
♪ Who's the star of our favorite show? ♪
♪ Marty Moose ♪
141
00:10:10,485 --> 00:10:13,780
♪ "M" is for merry
We're merry, you see ♪
142
00:10:13,947 --> 00:10:17,492
♪ "O" is for oh, gosh
Oh, golly, oh gee ♪
143
00:10:17,659 --> 00:10:21,121
♪ "S" is for super-swell family glee ♪
144
00:10:21,287 --> 00:10:25,083
♪ "E" is for everything you want to be ♪
145
00:10:25,250 --> 00:10:29,087
♪ M-A-R-T-y ♪
146
00:10:29,254 --> 00:10:32,966
♪ M-O-O-S-e ♪
147
00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:34,425
♪ What's that spell? ♪
148
00:10:34,592 --> 00:10:37,095
♪ Marty Moose, Marty Moose, Marty Moose ♪
149
00:10:37,262 --> 00:10:38,388
Yuck!
150
00:10:38,555 --> 00:10:39,722
That's me.
151
00:10:39,889 --> 00:10:41,724
[IMITATES MOOSE LAUGH]
152
00:10:42,225 --> 00:10:44,102
CARL:
All right. That's more like it.
153
00:10:44,269 --> 00:10:45,478
Here's one you don't know.
154
00:10:45,645 --> 00:10:48,731
We used to sing it when you were kids.
You're gonna like this. Ah...
155
00:10:48,898 --> 00:10:50,817
BOTH [SINGING]:
♪ Jimmy crack corn and I don't care ♪
156
00:10:50,984 --> 00:10:52,986
♪ Jimmy crack corn and I don't care ♪
157
00:10:53,153 --> 00:10:54,904
♪ Jimmy crack corn ♪
158
00:11:13,214 --> 00:11:16,176
[SINGING]
♪ Swing low ♪
159
00:11:16,342 --> 00:11:19,596
♪ Sweet chariot ♪
160
00:11:20,513 --> 00:11:22,473
♪ Comin' for to carry me home ♪
161
00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:25,435
♪ Swing low, chariot ♪
162
00:11:25,610 --> 00:11:28,196
♪ I looked over Jordan
and what did I see ♪
163
00:11:28,354 --> 00:11:30,356
♪ Comin' for to carry me home ♪
164
00:11:30,523 --> 00:11:32,275
♪ Band of angels comin' ♪
165
00:11:32,442 --> 00:11:34,027
What smells in here, honey?
166
00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:37,030
Russ. Russ. Your feet.
167
00:12:33,795 --> 00:12:36,965
Clark, isn't this the gas tank?
168
00:12:37,131 --> 00:12:38,508
Yes, I know, honey.
169
00:12:38,675 --> 00:12:42,637
Get in the car.
I'm just fixing the license plate here.
170
00:12:47,976 --> 00:12:49,227
CLARK:
Hey, see that, kids?
171
00:12:49,394 --> 00:12:52,522
That's the St. Louis Arch.
The Gateway to the West.
172
00:12:52,689 --> 00:12:56,442
It's over 600-feet tall, and there's
an elevator all the way to the top.
173
00:12:56,609 --> 00:12:58,444
That's 60 stories to you and me.
174
00:12:58,611 --> 00:13:01,781
RUSTY: Wow, Dad, can we go up on it?
CLARK: No.
175
00:13:01,948 --> 00:13:03,616
Dad, what river is this?
176
00:13:03,783 --> 00:13:06,536
That's the Mississippi.
The mighty Mississip.
177
00:13:06,703 --> 00:13:07,787
[CHUCKLES]
178
00:13:07,954 --> 00:13:11,791
The Old Miss. The Old Man.
179
00:13:11,958 --> 00:13:15,628
[SINGING IN DEEP VOICE]
♪ Deep river ♪
180
00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:21,050
♪ My home is over Jordan ♪
181
00:13:21,217 --> 00:13:23,678
ELLEN:
Clark, I think this is the wrong exit.
182
00:13:23,845 --> 00:13:26,889
CLARK: What's the difference,
as long as we get across the river?
183
00:13:36,065 --> 00:13:37,108
[SIREN WAILING IN DISTANCE]
184
00:13:37,275 --> 00:13:39,444
Clark? What are you doing?
185
00:13:39,610 --> 00:13:42,405
- Just relax, Ellen.
- This is so dangerous.
186
00:13:42,572 --> 00:13:45,366
We have no business
being in an area like this.
187
00:13:45,533 --> 00:13:46,743
Well, look at it this way.
188
00:13:46,909 --> 00:13:49,078
This is a part of America
we never get to see.
189
00:13:49,245 --> 00:13:51,247
- That's good.
- No, that's bad.
190
00:13:51,414 --> 00:13:54,667
I mean, we can't close our eyes
to the plight of the cities.
191
00:13:54,834 --> 00:13:57,378
Kids, you noticing all this plight?
192
00:13:58,171 --> 00:14:00,256
This will just make us appreciate
what we have.
193
00:14:00,423 --> 00:14:01,924
[GUNSHOT THEN WOMAN SCREAMS]
194
00:14:02,091 --> 00:14:03,426
Roll them up.
195
00:14:10,516 --> 00:14:13,436
I'd better ask these fellas
how to get back on the expressway.
196
00:14:16,064 --> 00:14:17,482
Pardon me.
197
00:14:17,648 --> 00:14:20,943
I wonder if you could tell me
how to get back on the expressway?
198
00:14:21,110 --> 00:14:24,113
- Fuck your mama.
- Thank you very much.
199
00:14:28,868 --> 00:14:31,204
MAN 1:
Hey, Darnell, check out this Truckster.
200
00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:32,663
MAN 2:
It's a Truckster.
201
00:14:32,830 --> 00:14:34,791
With a luggage rack.
202
00:14:37,293 --> 00:14:40,880
CLARK:
Hey, excuse me, homes? Heh-heh. Aha.
203
00:14:41,047 --> 00:14:44,217
What it is, bro. We're from out of town.
204
00:14:44,384 --> 00:14:45,426
MAN 3:
No shit?
205
00:14:45,843 --> 00:14:48,554
I'd really appreciate it
if you could give me directions...
206
00:14:48,721 --> 00:14:50,515
...back onto the expressway.
207
00:14:50,681 --> 00:14:53,476
- What? For free?
- Sure.
208
00:14:53,643 --> 00:14:55,561
Five dollars.
209
00:14:55,728 --> 00:14:59,399
- I'm not gonna give you $5 for directions.
- I think that's fair, Clark.
210
00:15:02,151 --> 00:15:03,611
Okay. Here's $10.
211
00:15:03,778 --> 00:15:05,655
Thank you.
212
00:15:06,364 --> 00:15:07,698
[METALLIC CLANGING]
213
00:15:07,865 --> 00:15:08,908
Keep the change.
214
00:15:09,075 --> 00:15:12,328
Okay. Now, you see which way
you're pointing, right?
215
00:15:12,495 --> 00:15:13,996
- Yeah.
- Yeah, okay, that's good.
216
00:15:14,163 --> 00:15:15,581
Because, you see that place?
217
00:15:15,748 --> 00:15:18,960
- Yeah.
- Uh-huh. You see where it say, "Rib Tips"?
218
00:15:19,127 --> 00:15:20,336
- Rib Tips.
- Mm-hm. Fuck that.
219
00:15:20,503 --> 00:15:22,296
You don't want to go that way.
220
00:15:22,463 --> 00:15:24,424
I wonder if these guys
know the Commodores.
221
00:15:24,590 --> 00:15:27,093
You gonna go all the way down
about half a block...
222
00:15:27,260 --> 00:15:29,846
...and you'll see a Torino
with no wheels on it.
223
00:15:30,012 --> 00:15:32,932
Inside that Torino is my cousin, Jackie.
224
00:15:33,099 --> 00:15:35,351
You tell him that you're my boy,
and you're lost.
225
00:15:35,518 --> 00:15:37,520
He'll make sure
you get where you're going.
226
00:15:37,687 --> 00:15:40,606
You don't want to know from me.
This ain't my neighborhood.
227
00:15:40,773 --> 00:15:43,484
I'm from the west side of Chicago,
here on vacation.
228
00:15:43,651 --> 00:15:46,195
CLARK:
Thanks a lot. You've been a great help.
229
00:15:53,369 --> 00:15:54,829
- Honey?
- Hmm.
230
00:15:56,747 --> 00:15:58,666
This reminds me of the time in college...
231
00:15:58,833 --> 00:16:01,711
...when we drove down to Fort Lauderdale
in my Austin-Healy.
232
00:16:01,878 --> 00:16:05,381
I haven't thought about that
for a long time.
233
00:16:06,674 --> 00:16:08,801
Remember what we did in the car?
234
00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:12,180
It's amazing we didn't get in an accident.
235
00:16:12,346 --> 00:16:13,973
Want to relive a fond memory?
236
00:16:14,140 --> 00:16:16,017
Are you serious?
237
00:16:16,184 --> 00:16:18,436
- No.
- Why not?
238
00:16:18,603 --> 00:16:21,147
Because, that's why.
239
00:16:22,148 --> 00:16:23,399
The kids are asleep.
240
00:16:23,566 --> 00:16:27,820
Let's just wait until we get to a motel.
241
00:16:30,156 --> 00:16:34,410
Okay, we'll wait.
I gotta find the best one on the road.
242
00:16:34,911 --> 00:16:36,746
Do you want to put your head in my lap?
243
00:16:36,913 --> 00:16:38,915
That's not what I was thinking.
244
00:16:40,750 --> 00:16:43,461
The wheel. Let me get this.
245
00:16:43,628 --> 00:16:46,172
There you go, move it out of your way.
246
00:16:46,339 --> 00:16:47,965
Comfy?
247
00:16:50,009 --> 00:16:51,427
Clark?
248
00:16:51,594 --> 00:16:54,096
Clark, my head's stuck.
249
00:16:57,141 --> 00:16:59,185
Clark, quit kidding around. It hurts.
250
00:16:59,352 --> 00:17:00,811
It's stuck.
251
00:17:00,978 --> 00:17:03,648
Cut it out.
252
00:17:04,357 --> 00:17:07,902
I know what you're trying to do,
and I think it's sick.
253
00:17:09,779 --> 00:17:11,656
The wheel's stuck.
254
00:17:13,282 --> 00:17:15,076
That was a dirty trick.
255
00:17:15,243 --> 00:17:16,911
The damn wheel is all screwed up.
256
00:17:17,078 --> 00:17:19,539
You're tired.
You get weird when you get tired.
257
00:17:19,705 --> 00:17:23,709
Let's just find a motel.
I don't want you dozing off.
258
00:17:23,876 --> 00:17:26,629
I'm not tired. Are you kidding?
259
00:17:26,963 --> 00:17:29,632
I could go another 100 miles. Come on.
260
00:17:29,799 --> 00:17:31,634
No problem.
261
00:18:00,162 --> 00:18:02,164
[SNORING]
262
00:18:12,091 --> 00:18:14,802
[MAN MUTTERING]
263
00:18:15,469 --> 00:18:17,930
[HORN HONKING]
264
00:18:19,890 --> 00:18:21,100
[SNORING]
265
00:18:32,236 --> 00:18:33,696
[DOG YELPS]
266
00:18:34,655 --> 00:18:36,407
[HORN HONKS]
267
00:18:38,951 --> 00:18:44,415
Sparky, why don't you turn off the TV
and come to bed?
268
00:18:45,541 --> 00:18:47,668
Okay, honey.
269
00:18:50,171 --> 00:18:51,213
[SCREAMS]
270
00:19:07,104 --> 00:19:09,774
Well, up and at them. We're here.
271
00:19:31,212 --> 00:19:32,421
Oh!
272
00:19:32,588 --> 00:19:34,298
[IMITATES "PSYCHO" THEME]
273
00:19:34,465 --> 00:19:36,258
Clark.
274
00:19:36,759 --> 00:19:39,595
- Can I do your back, honey?
- I've already done my back.
275
00:19:39,762 --> 00:19:41,138
Can I do your front?
276
00:19:41,305 --> 00:19:43,099
Go do your own front.
277
00:19:48,521 --> 00:19:51,440
You know Clark, maybe we should
call Catherine and Eddie...
278
00:19:51,607 --> 00:19:55,403
...and tell them that we won't be in
until tomorrow afternoon.
279
00:19:55,569 --> 00:19:56,987
Afternoon?
280
00:19:57,154 --> 00:20:00,825
If we're not there by 10:00 a.m., it's
gonna throw the schedule completely off.
281
00:20:00,991 --> 00:20:02,952
I planned everything very carefully...
282
00:20:03,119 --> 00:20:06,622
...so we'd be at Walley World
first thing Saturday morning.
283
00:20:07,915 --> 00:20:11,085
Sparky, I know how much
this trip means to you...
284
00:20:11,252 --> 00:20:14,422
...and that you want all of us
to have a great time...
285
00:20:14,588 --> 00:20:17,299
...but it's a long way to Walley World.
286
00:20:17,466 --> 00:20:22,054
And I think it'd be easier on all of us
if you'd just try to relax.
287
00:20:24,181 --> 00:20:26,600
I'm way ahead of you, honey.
288
00:20:32,982 --> 00:20:34,650
[CHUCKLES]
Oh.
289
00:20:35,151 --> 00:20:36,485
When did you get these?
290
00:20:36,652 --> 00:20:39,155
I have my little secrets.
291
00:20:42,324 --> 00:20:44,618
- What a nice thought.
- Mm.
292
00:20:49,540 --> 00:20:50,583
[GIGGLES]
293
00:20:50,750 --> 00:20:52,543
Don't drink yet.
294
00:20:52,835 --> 00:20:54,336
[CLEARS THROAT]
295
00:20:59,717 --> 00:21:01,343
Ready for this?
296
00:21:02,845 --> 00:21:04,013
[BED RATTLING]
297
00:21:07,308 --> 00:21:12,188
Ahh...
I'd like to propose a toast, if I may.
298
00:21:12,354 --> 00:21:16,025
Here's to a very restful vacation.
299
00:21:17,359 --> 00:21:20,154
Here's to a very relaxing vacation...
300
00:21:20,321 --> 00:21:22,907
...a renewed love affair...
301
00:21:24,533 --> 00:21:27,953
...and a time of joy with our babies.
302
00:21:28,120 --> 00:21:30,122
[BED SQUEAKING
& RATTLING INTENSIFYING]
303
00:21:31,832 --> 00:21:33,751
You know, honey, I never told you this.
304
00:21:33,918 --> 00:21:36,170
I know it's been a rough beginning.
305
00:21:36,337 --> 00:21:38,380
I think there's something wrong here.
306
00:21:38,547 --> 00:21:41,175
It's the bed. It will slow up in a second.
307
00:21:41,550 --> 00:21:45,304
I got it. Hold on to this. Enjoy it.
308
00:21:46,180 --> 00:21:48,974
- Clark, what are you doing?
- Let's try this, my darling.
309
00:21:49,141 --> 00:21:51,227
Aha.
310
00:21:51,393 --> 00:21:53,604
Now we're talking.
311
00:21:53,771 --> 00:21:56,398
We haven't done this for a long time.
312
00:21:56,565 --> 00:21:57,691
[CLARK CHUCKLES]
313
00:21:57,858 --> 00:21:59,193
[ELLEN MOANS]
314
00:21:59,568 --> 00:22:02,071
ELLEN:
Oh. Clark.
315
00:22:02,321 --> 00:22:04,448
- What's that noise?
- What's going on?
316
00:22:04,615 --> 00:22:08,327
Hey. Don't you kids knock anymore?
317
00:22:08,869 --> 00:22:11,372
Sorry, we thought you were fighting
or something.
318
00:22:11,539 --> 00:22:13,833
Nobody is fighting in here.
319
00:22:14,458 --> 00:22:15,584
[RATTLING & SQUEAKING STOPS]
320
00:22:15,751 --> 00:22:17,127
It's very late.
321
00:22:17,294 --> 00:22:18,629
RUSTY:
Where is Mom?
322
00:22:18,796 --> 00:22:20,548
ELLEN:
I'm under here, kids.
323
00:22:20,714 --> 00:22:22,758
Go back to bed.
324
00:22:23,133 --> 00:22:25,261
Go back to bed, now. Rusty.
325
00:22:25,427 --> 00:22:27,012
The bed was very soft.
326
00:22:27,179 --> 00:22:29,473
Weird-o-rama.
327
00:22:29,640 --> 00:22:31,267
Really.
328
00:22:33,602 --> 00:22:37,147
CLARK: This is the street Wyatt Earp
used to keep law and order on.
329
00:22:37,314 --> 00:22:39,733
ELLEN:
It seems kind of dirty and touristy.
330
00:22:39,900 --> 00:22:42,111
CLARK:
Oh, Ellen, the Old West was dirty.
331
00:22:42,278 --> 00:22:44,947
Everything isn't like home.
If everything were like home...
332
00:22:45,114 --> 00:22:47,116
...there'd be no reason
for leaving. Right?
333
00:22:47,283 --> 00:22:48,951
RUSTY:
Oh, yeah, Dad. This is great.
334
00:22:49,118 --> 00:22:53,038
- You know, I'm glad we didn't go to Hawaii.
- CLARK: I'll bet you are.
335
00:22:57,167 --> 00:22:59,336
Okay. Kids!
336
00:22:59,503 --> 00:23:02,298
Let's go get a drink. What do you say?
Here you go, champ.
337
00:23:02,506 --> 00:23:03,966
[CHUCKLES]
338
00:23:04,967 --> 00:23:06,385
Well.
339
00:23:09,471 --> 00:23:11,015
Howdy, city slickers.
340
00:23:11,181 --> 00:23:14,727
Welcome to the Long Branch.
No fighting, no cussing, no gunslinging.
341
00:23:14,894 --> 00:23:18,814
Watch what you say to our bartender.
He's an ornery cuss.
342
00:23:19,023 --> 00:23:20,816
- Thank you, Sheriff.
- Marshal.
343
00:23:20,983 --> 00:23:22,484
CLARK:
Oh. Sorry.
344
00:23:22,651 --> 00:23:23,903
It's no sweat.
345
00:23:24,069 --> 00:23:25,988
Give me five, partner.
346
00:23:29,783 --> 00:23:32,786
That guy was a crummy Wyatt Earp.
He's wearing jogging shoes.
347
00:23:32,953 --> 00:23:34,413
They used to, Rusty.
348
00:23:34,580 --> 00:23:38,042
Hey, knucklehead.
Set us up with four redeyes, will you?
349
00:23:39,877 --> 00:23:41,837
Hey, yellow-belly. I'm talking to you.
350
00:23:44,089 --> 00:23:45,674
[CHUCKLES]
351
00:23:45,841 --> 00:23:48,677
Hey, tenderfoot.
Move your chicken wings, turkey.
352
00:23:48,844 --> 00:23:50,763
[LAUGHING]
353
00:23:55,059 --> 00:23:57,061
Clark. That's not nice.
354
00:23:57,227 --> 00:23:59,772
It's all part of the act, hon.
355
00:23:59,939 --> 00:24:01,315
Hey, underpants.
356
00:24:01,482 --> 00:24:03,108
Hey, yellow--
357
00:24:04,234 --> 00:24:05,861
ELLEN:
Clark!
358
00:24:06,320 --> 00:24:08,322
I'm okay. I'm okay.
359
00:24:08,489 --> 00:24:09,823
I'm all right.
360
00:24:09,990 --> 00:24:11,200
[LAUGHS]
361
00:24:11,367 --> 00:24:15,955
I don't think that's very funny. A noise
like that could impair the kids' hearing.
362
00:24:16,121 --> 00:24:17,998
Oh, come on.
363
00:24:18,165 --> 00:24:21,502
It was real. It looked real, didn't it?
Hell, I thought it was a real gun.
364
00:24:21,669 --> 00:24:23,712
Didn't it look real when I fell down, hon?
365
00:24:23,879 --> 00:24:25,756
- What?
- Didn't it look real, sweetie?
366
00:24:25,923 --> 00:24:28,425
- What?
- Are you happy now, Clark?
367
00:24:28,592 --> 00:24:30,761
- She's deaf.
- What's the difference?
368
00:24:30,928 --> 00:24:33,555
It was fun anyway. Let's have a drink.
What do you say?
369
00:24:33,722 --> 00:24:35,057
Pardon me, sir?
370
00:24:40,312 --> 00:24:42,982
Catherine said we just stay on 50.
371
00:24:43,148 --> 00:24:45,776
Well, I was thinking about
shooting over to 54...
372
00:24:45,943 --> 00:24:48,112
- ...and zipping down to Liberal.
- What for?
373
00:24:48,278 --> 00:24:50,364
- The House of Mud.
- What's the House of Mud?
374
00:24:50,531 --> 00:24:54,118
It's only the largest freestanding
mud dwelling ever built, that's all.
375
00:24:54,284 --> 00:24:57,496
You see, kids, the pioneers
didn't have bricks, so they used mud.
376
00:24:57,663 --> 00:25:00,249
They didn't use mud, they used sod, Dad.
377
00:25:00,416 --> 00:25:03,335
Right, Audrey, and when they
ran out of sod, they used mud.
378
00:25:03,502 --> 00:25:06,714
Clark, let's just skip the House of Mud.
379
00:25:06,880 --> 00:25:09,508
I think Dodge City
was enough for one day.
380
00:25:09,675 --> 00:25:13,303
Besides, Catherine and Eddie
are expecting us.
381
00:25:14,138 --> 00:25:15,723
It's living history, Ellen.
382
00:25:15,889 --> 00:25:18,308
But if you'd rather see your cousins...
383
00:25:18,475 --> 00:25:19,685
...it's okay by me.
384
00:25:19,852 --> 00:25:22,563
Personally, I'd rather see a pile
of mud than Eddie.
385
00:25:22,730 --> 00:25:25,441
- Knock it off.
- ELLEN: What's going on?
386
00:25:25,607 --> 00:25:27,901
Rusty is licking his hand
and touching me with it.
387
00:25:28,068 --> 00:25:30,279
Clark, tell Rusty to behave himself.
388
00:25:30,446 --> 00:25:32,072
Rusty, behave yourself.
389
00:25:32,239 --> 00:25:35,451
Audrey's eating peanut butter
and smiling with it all over her teeth.
390
00:25:35,617 --> 00:25:37,703
Audrey, eat with your mouth closed.
391
00:25:37,870 --> 00:25:41,623
- No eating in the car, kids.
- You suck, you know that?
392
00:25:41,790 --> 00:25:45,085
- Retard.
- I am trying to concentrate on the road.
393
00:25:56,805 --> 00:25:58,182
RUSTY:
What did you say?
394
00:25:58,348 --> 00:25:59,516
[ELLEN TALKING INDISTINCTLY]
395
00:25:59,683 --> 00:26:03,312
ELLEN: Stop it, both of you.
Just give me the peanut butter.
396
00:26:08,942 --> 00:26:11,403
- AUDREY: He started it!
- ELLEN: I don't care who started it!
397
00:26:11,570 --> 00:26:13,530
[KIDS & ELLEN ARGUING]
398
00:26:13,697 --> 00:26:15,032
ELLEN:
I don't care who started it.
399
00:26:15,199 --> 00:26:18,118
I don't want to hear another word
out of either one of you.
400
00:26:28,045 --> 00:26:30,672
Clark, you're doing 80 miles an hour.
401
00:26:30,839 --> 00:26:33,675
- Doesn't seem like it, does it?
- Slow down.
402
00:26:34,760 --> 00:26:37,346
I don't know why.
We're making good time.
403
00:26:39,807 --> 00:26:43,352
[SINGING]
♪ Love for sale ♪
404
00:26:43,519 --> 00:26:45,813
♪ Appetizing, yummy love for sale ♪
405
00:27:01,370 --> 00:27:02,746
[DOG BARKING]
406
00:27:02,913 --> 00:27:05,124
CATHERINE:
Oh, they're here. Eddie, come on.
407
00:27:05,290 --> 00:27:08,210
Oh, I can't believe it. It's been an age!
408
00:27:08,377 --> 00:27:10,963
ELLEN: I never thought we'd get out here,
you look great!
409
00:27:11,130 --> 00:27:14,299
- Eddie, get down here.
- Eddie, you look terrific.
410
00:27:14,466 --> 00:27:16,885
- Ellen, how are you?
- I never thought you'd get here.
411
00:27:17,052 --> 00:27:18,762
ELLEN:
Good to see you.
412
00:27:18,929 --> 00:27:22,432
Come and meet your second cousins.
Look how they've grown.
413
00:27:22,599 --> 00:27:24,935
And you have lost weight, Catherine.
414
00:27:25,102 --> 00:27:27,771
Yeah, added a few more mouths
to the litter.
415
00:27:27,938 --> 00:27:29,106
[CLARK & EDDIE CHUCKLING]
416
00:27:29,273 --> 00:27:33,402
Let's see. Rusty and Audrey,
cousins Vicki and Dale.
417
00:27:33,569 --> 00:27:34,808
Hi.
418
00:27:35,017 --> 00:27:38,073
And this is Eddie
Junior and this is Junior.
419
00:27:38,240 --> 00:27:41,076
And this little moppet
on my skirts is Daisy-Mabel.
420
00:27:41,243 --> 00:27:43,495
Well. How old are you, little one?
421
00:27:43,662 --> 00:27:46,915
- She was born without a tongue, Clark.
- CLARK: Ooh.
422
00:27:47,082 --> 00:27:50,252
But don't worry about her. She whistles
like a bird and eats like a horse.
423
00:27:50,419 --> 00:27:51,920
[BOTH CHUCKLING]
424
00:27:52,087 --> 00:27:55,048
Take your little guests out back
and show them your worm farm.
425
00:27:55,215 --> 00:27:57,926
Go on, scoot.
Ellen, come in the house.
426
00:27:58,093 --> 00:28:01,930
- I've got so much to tell you.
- Look at the flowers. I love them.
427
00:28:04,266 --> 00:28:06,894
Oh, boy. Look at that car.
428
00:28:07,060 --> 00:28:09,188
Yeah, that's the Family Truckster.
429
00:28:09,354 --> 00:28:13,108
Boy, she's a beaut.
I like those green walls.
430
00:28:13,275 --> 00:28:16,111
We had some trouble in St. Louis.
431
00:28:16,695 --> 00:28:20,407
So you're looking really...
432
00:28:20,574 --> 00:28:22,075
...fit.
433
00:28:23,076 --> 00:28:25,454
This is the old homestead, huh?
434
00:28:26,496 --> 00:28:27,539
[SIGHS]
435
00:28:27,706 --> 00:28:31,585
Yeah, I don't know for how long, though.
436
00:28:31,752 --> 00:28:35,130
The bank's been after me
like flies on a rib roast.
437
00:28:35,297 --> 00:28:37,758
Yeah. I know the feeling.
438
00:28:38,759 --> 00:28:40,344
Fuck it.
439
00:28:45,307 --> 00:28:47,809
- I bet you could use a cool one, huh?
- Now you're talking.
440
00:28:47,976 --> 00:28:49,978
[BOTH CHUCKLING]
441
00:28:58,820 --> 00:29:02,241
I'm going steady. And I French kiss.
442
00:29:03,116 --> 00:29:07,287
- So? Everyone does that.
- Yeah, but Daddy says I'm the best at it.
443
00:29:11,166 --> 00:29:12,793
Want a worm?
444
00:29:12,960 --> 00:29:14,836
No, thanks.
445
00:29:15,712 --> 00:29:17,547
Hey, you got Pac-Man?
446
00:29:18,507 --> 00:29:19,591
No.
447
00:29:19,758 --> 00:29:22,010
You got Space Invaders?
448
00:29:22,511 --> 00:29:23,971
Nope.
449
00:29:24,554 --> 00:29:27,766
- You got Asteroids?
- No, but my dad does.
450
00:29:27,933 --> 00:29:30,769
He can't even sit on the toilet some days.
451
00:29:33,438 --> 00:29:35,774
So, what do you do here, Dale?
452
00:29:35,941 --> 00:29:37,359
Well...
453
00:29:38,360 --> 00:29:40,570
...I got a stack of nudie books this high.
454
00:29:42,447 --> 00:29:45,158
Oh, she's beautiful.
455
00:29:48,537 --> 00:29:53,709
- Would you sell me any of them?
- Shit, no. I cherish these things.
456
00:29:55,085 --> 00:29:56,628
I use them a lot.
457
00:29:58,964 --> 00:30:00,465
How do you use a magazine?
458
00:30:00,632 --> 00:30:03,385
I was getting to that.
459
00:30:03,552 --> 00:30:07,764
A guy taught me something
really neat last year.
460
00:30:08,807 --> 00:30:10,225
Did you ever bop your baloney?
461
00:30:14,271 --> 00:30:16,273
[HUMMING]
462
00:30:17,357 --> 00:30:19,818
I guess we're 11, aren't we?
463
00:30:19,985 --> 00:30:24,573
- No, we're 12 with Aunt Edna.
- Aunt Edna? She's still alive?
464
00:30:24,740 --> 00:30:26,199
Oh, you bet.
465
00:30:26,366 --> 00:30:30,162
I can't wait to see the look on
Clark's face when he hears that.
466
00:30:30,329 --> 00:30:33,582
Well, she came to help out
when Eddie ruptured his spleen...
467
00:30:33,749 --> 00:30:36,084
...and she's been with us ever since.
468
00:30:36,251 --> 00:30:38,712
She wanted to go back
to Phoenix a year ago...
469
00:30:38,879 --> 00:30:40,881
...but Eddie wouldn't let her.
470
00:30:41,882 --> 00:30:46,303
Frankly, without her Social Security,
we'd never be able to live like this.
471
00:30:48,430 --> 00:30:51,975
Gee, Cath, it looks like
you've really got your hands full.
472
00:30:52,142 --> 00:30:54,978
Oh, it's not so bad.
473
00:30:55,145 --> 00:30:58,690
Eddie says after the baby comes,
I can quit one of my night jobs.
474
00:31:03,528 --> 00:31:05,280
How do you like yours, Clark?
475
00:31:05,447 --> 00:31:07,741
Oh, medium-rare, a little pink inside.
476
00:31:07,908 --> 00:31:10,243
No, your bun. Light or dark?
477
00:31:10,410 --> 00:31:13,121
Oh. Either way, it doesn't matter.
478
00:31:14,331 --> 00:31:17,834
Vicki, can I help you with that Kool-Aid?
Please?
479
00:31:18,293 --> 00:31:20,128
EDDIE:
Mm-mm-mm.
480
00:31:20,318 --> 00:31:22,872
I don't know why they call
this stuff Hamburger Helper.
481
00:31:23,020 --> 00:31:25,092
It does just fine by itself.
482
00:31:25,258 --> 00:31:29,054
I like it better than Tuna Helper myself.
Don't you, Clark?
483
00:31:29,221 --> 00:31:32,099
You're the gourmet around here, Ed. Heh.
484
00:31:37,145 --> 00:31:38,438
No meat in this?
485
00:31:38,605 --> 00:31:42,442
You get plenty of meat at home.
Be polite. Have some ketchup.
486
00:31:47,114 --> 00:31:48,824
Real tomato ketchup, Eddie?
487
00:31:48,990 --> 00:31:51,159
Nothing but the best.
488
00:31:51,326 --> 00:31:52,369
[CHUCKLES]
489
00:31:52,536 --> 00:31:55,747
Aunt Edna. Helper's getting cold.
490
00:31:57,499 --> 00:31:59,543
Is that your Aunt Edna?
491
00:32:07,676 --> 00:32:12,889
ELLEN: Aunt Edna. After all these years.
You're looking so good.
492
00:32:16,977 --> 00:32:19,604
CLARK:
Hi, Edna. Nice to see you again.
493
00:32:20,272 --> 00:32:22,899
You remember Clark, don't you?
494
00:32:25,277 --> 00:32:28,363
You were the ones who sent me
the fruitcake for Christmas.
495
00:32:28,530 --> 00:32:31,074
It made me so sick.
496
00:32:31,533 --> 00:32:34,953
I'm sorry.
We thought you enjoyed fruitcake.
497
00:32:35,120 --> 00:32:37,706
You enjoy throwing up
every five minutes, Claude?
498
00:32:37,873 --> 00:32:41,042
- Clark.
- I thought so.
499
00:32:41,418 --> 00:32:45,505
Well, am I going to eat
or am I gonna starve to death?
500
00:32:48,717 --> 00:32:50,051
Catherine.
501
00:32:50,218 --> 00:32:53,847
Did you tell Clark and Ellen
the good news?
502
00:32:54,014 --> 00:32:56,433
No. I was just about to.
503
00:32:56,600 --> 00:32:58,643
Catherine, what's the good news?
504
00:32:58,810 --> 00:33:02,147
You're driving me to Phoenix.
505
00:33:05,525 --> 00:33:08,528
[POP MUSIC PLAYING OVER RADIO]
506
00:33:13,909 --> 00:33:16,369
Junior Pig Competition?
507
00:33:16,912 --> 00:33:18,580
You won this for raising a pig?
508
00:33:18,747 --> 00:33:21,333
Yeah. First Place.
509
00:33:21,500 --> 00:33:24,294
Does anybody know about it?
510
00:33:24,461 --> 00:33:25,712
Everybody knows.
511
00:33:27,088 --> 00:33:32,260
Vicki, don't get offended, but being
a farmer is not too cool, you know.
512
00:33:34,054 --> 00:33:35,889
Oh, yeah?
513
00:33:36,181 --> 00:33:40,018
Well, how cool...
514
00:33:40,185 --> 00:33:41,895
...is this?
515
00:33:48,944 --> 00:33:53,240
I'm real glad that things
are going good for you, Clark.
516
00:33:55,450 --> 00:33:57,035
Mm-hm. Tsk.
517
00:33:57,202 --> 00:34:02,791
I got laid off when they closed
that asbestos factory. Ahem.
518
00:34:02,958 --> 00:34:04,668
And now, wouldn't you know it...
519
00:34:04,834 --> 00:34:06,920
...the Army cut my disability pension...
520
00:34:07,087 --> 00:34:12,092
...because they said the plate in my head
wasn't big enough. Shoo.
521
00:34:15,387 --> 00:34:18,723
Eddie, Clark and Ellen don't want to hear
about our troubles.
522
00:34:18,890 --> 00:34:20,350
No, no. It's very interesting.
523
00:34:20,517 --> 00:34:23,562
Why don't you just ask him
for the money, Eddie?
524
00:34:23,728 --> 00:34:25,564
He sure as hell can't take a hint.
525
00:34:26,356 --> 00:34:30,527
Well, I didn't want to ask you,
Clark, you know, but...
526
00:34:30,694 --> 00:34:34,406
Could you, maybe,
spare a little extra cash?
527
00:34:34,573 --> 00:34:36,616
Sure, Eddie.
528
00:34:36,825 --> 00:34:38,285
[CHUCKLES]
529
00:34:41,037 --> 00:34:42,622
How much do you need?
530
00:34:42,789 --> 00:34:44,791
About $52,000.
531
00:34:48,086 --> 00:34:50,422
Goodbye, baby.
532
00:34:50,589 --> 00:34:52,424
And you'll send those checks?
533
00:34:52,591 --> 00:34:54,718
- All taken care of.
- Okay.
534
00:34:54,884 --> 00:34:58,346
- Okay, let's go. Come on, Edna.
- Lay off, lay off.
535
00:34:59,264 --> 00:35:01,349
Well, gotta be going.
536
00:35:01,516 --> 00:35:04,019
- What's this?
- This is for you, Clark.
537
00:35:04,185 --> 00:35:05,937
Oh, what is it?
538
00:35:06,104 --> 00:35:09,524
- Gift.
- You didn't have to buy me a gift, Eddie.
539
00:35:09,691 --> 00:35:10,984
Oh, go on, open it.
540
00:35:11,151 --> 00:35:12,527
Oh.
541
00:35:14,195 --> 00:35:16,781
Oh, Eddie, you shouldn't have.
542
00:35:16,948 --> 00:35:19,701
- You really shouldn't have.
- RUSTY: Those are great, Dad.
543
00:35:19,868 --> 00:35:22,412
- Quiet down, Russ.
- EDDIE: Try them on.
544
00:35:22,579 --> 00:35:24,247
No, I don't want to get them dirty.
545
00:35:24,414 --> 00:35:26,541
I told you he wouldn't like them, Eddie.
546
00:35:27,626 --> 00:35:29,294
- CLARK: I love them.
- I knew you did...
547
00:35:29,461 --> 00:35:33,048
...because the last time I saw you you
remarked about how much you liked mine.
548
00:35:33,214 --> 00:35:36,468
- Well, I guess we'd better be going.
- Yeah.
549
00:35:36,635 --> 00:35:38,053
- Whew.
- Ha-ha.
550
00:35:38,219 --> 00:35:39,304
- Bye, Eddie.
- Bye, Ellen.
551
00:35:39,471 --> 00:35:42,849
- Bye, Clark. It's was great having you here.
- Goodbye. Thank you. Okay.
552
00:35:43,808 --> 00:35:46,436
Here he is, Uncle Clark,
all walked and everything.
553
00:35:46,603 --> 00:35:48,104
What is this? A dog?
554
00:35:48,271 --> 00:35:51,524
He's Aunt Edna's. His name is Dinky.
He watches Family Feud.
555
00:35:52,233 --> 00:35:54,569
Oh. Hi, how are you, little fellow?
556
00:35:54,736 --> 00:35:56,071
[GROWLS THEN BARKS]
557
00:35:56,237 --> 00:35:57,739
Easy.
558
00:35:57,989 --> 00:36:01,618
Yeah. You folks didn't
get to meet Dinky last night.
559
00:36:01,785 --> 00:36:04,037
He had the shits, so he slept in the barn.
560
00:36:04,412 --> 00:36:08,249
Ah. Well, great. Better make some space
for him in the back. Come on.
561
00:36:08,416 --> 00:36:09,417
[GROWLING]
562
00:36:09,584 --> 00:36:12,545
Ow! No. No. Sit, sit. Roll over.
Come on, heel.
563
00:36:12,712 --> 00:36:16,257
- Here. Have a good trip.
- Thanks, Vic.
564
00:36:16,883 --> 00:36:18,885
[BOTH CHUCKLING]
565
00:36:22,555 --> 00:36:27,394
CATHERINE:
Bye! Bye, kids, bye, Aunt Edna. Bye-bye!
566
00:36:43,952 --> 00:36:46,705
Look at these sandwiches.
Here, Aunt Edna.
567
00:36:46,871 --> 00:36:48,456
EDNA:
Thank you.
568
00:36:48,748 --> 00:36:50,125
Audrey.
569
00:36:51,084 --> 00:36:54,129
Oh, Rusty, stop playing with the dog
and come and have some lunch.
570
00:36:54,295 --> 00:36:56,297
[DOG GROWLING]
571
00:36:59,843 --> 00:37:01,386
Oh, Clark, look.
572
00:37:01,553 --> 00:37:04,639
Your favorite, baloney and cheese.
573
00:37:07,517 --> 00:37:09,769
And what should I have?
574
00:37:09,936 --> 00:37:13,940
Maybe some fruit or something like that.
575
00:38:18,421 --> 00:38:20,590
Mom, my sandwich is all wet.
576
00:38:20,757 --> 00:38:22,634
Well, they're all wet.
577
00:38:23,468 --> 00:38:27,847
Oh, God. The dog went
on the picnic basket.
578
00:39:27,365 --> 00:39:28,950
Russ, look.
579
00:39:29,117 --> 00:39:31,786
Excellent. They have a pool.
580
00:39:32,704 --> 00:39:35,290
Aren't the woods beautiful?
581
00:39:35,999 --> 00:39:39,294
Clark. Dinkums needs a long walk
and a bath.
582
00:39:39,460 --> 00:39:42,088
Rusty, take care of Dinkums.
583
00:39:42,255 --> 00:39:45,300
- Dad, he bites.
- CLARK: Bite him back.
584
00:39:55,977 --> 00:39:57,979
[RINGING]
585
00:40:02,734 --> 00:40:06,696
- We'd like three tents for the night, please.
- All right. That'll be $37.
586
00:40:06,863 --> 00:40:08,990
Thirty-seven dollars
for three tents?
587
00:40:09,157 --> 00:40:10,491
Oh, they're very nice tents.
588
00:40:10,658 --> 00:40:13,995
And that price includes scenery
and wildlife fun.
589
00:40:15,997 --> 00:40:18,333
Oh, come on, Clark.
It seems like a nice place.
590
00:40:18,499 --> 00:40:21,210
It's got a pool and everything.
591
00:40:21,377 --> 00:40:23,963
- All right.
- Here you go.
592
00:40:24,130 --> 00:40:26,716
- Fill out that.
- CLARK: Mm-hm.
593
00:40:31,012 --> 00:40:33,973
Clark W. Griswold. You want my street?
594
00:40:34,140 --> 00:40:35,183
Please.
595
00:40:35,350 --> 00:40:38,436
- What do you need my address for?
- We like to send out a mailer.
596
00:40:42,440 --> 00:40:44,525
- AUDREY: I can't wait to get in.
- RUSTY: Me, too.
597
00:40:44,692 --> 00:40:46,361
Get our bathing--
598
00:40:47,820 --> 00:40:49,155
Ugh.
599
00:40:49,447 --> 00:40:52,116
That's disgusting.
600
00:40:56,245 --> 00:40:58,456
Too cheap to pay for a hotel room, huh?
601
00:41:00,708 --> 00:41:04,462
Ooh. Clark, this tent smells.
602
00:41:05,213 --> 00:41:06,506
Edna, this is your tent.
603
00:41:06,673 --> 00:41:08,675
[FLIES BUZZING]
604
00:41:24,565 --> 00:41:25,900
[COUGHING]
605
00:41:26,067 --> 00:41:28,069
ELLEN:
Sp-- Sparky.
606
00:41:28,236 --> 00:41:31,406
- This isn't very romantic.
- Isn't it?
607
00:41:31,572 --> 00:41:36,452
No, I don't think there's enough room
for two in this sleeping bag.
608
00:41:36,619 --> 00:41:39,414
Honey, right now, we're one.
609
00:41:39,580 --> 00:41:43,626
- One heart beating for two.
- Oh, Sparky.
610
00:41:43,793 --> 00:41:45,795
[GROWLING]
611
00:41:48,965 --> 00:41:51,509
Sparky, there's a wild animal.
612
00:41:51,676 --> 00:41:52,927
- Yeah.
- No.
613
00:41:53,094 --> 00:41:56,139
- I know, I'm gonna go for it, honey.
- Wild animal-- No.
614
00:41:58,474 --> 00:42:01,227
Ow! Get off. Down. Go.
615
00:42:01,936 --> 00:42:04,397
I'm sorry, honey. It's Dinky. Get off!
616
00:42:08,276 --> 00:42:10,069
I'll kill that dog.
617
00:42:10,778 --> 00:42:11,988
[SIGHS]
618
00:42:12,155 --> 00:42:13,614
I'm sorry.
619
00:42:13,990 --> 00:42:16,200
[GRUNTS]
620
00:42:19,120 --> 00:42:20,371
Ah.
621
00:42:21,122 --> 00:42:23,624
What do you say, honey? Uhn!
622
00:42:23,791 --> 00:42:26,919
In spite of all the little problems,
it really is fun, isn't it?
623
00:42:27,086 --> 00:42:28,421
No.
624
00:42:28,588 --> 00:42:31,966
But with every new day
there's fresh hope.
625
00:42:33,801 --> 00:42:35,887
Hey, kids, let's go.
626
00:42:36,054 --> 00:42:38,139
We're losing daylight here.
627
00:42:38,765 --> 00:42:40,141
Hey, did you walk him?
628
00:42:40,308 --> 00:42:42,935
Yeah. He took a big one
on Aunt Edna's blanket.
629
00:42:43,478 --> 00:42:45,772
- Good boy.
- EDNA: Help!
630
00:42:45,938 --> 00:42:48,232
Oh, boy. Go take care of Aunt Edna.
I'll take the leash.
631
00:42:48,399 --> 00:42:49,984
[DOG GROWLS THEN BARKS]
632
00:42:50,777 --> 00:42:52,737
CLARK:
Uh-oh, uh-oh.
633
00:42:52,904 --> 00:42:55,281
Roll over. Ow.
634
00:42:56,532 --> 00:42:57,575
Dinky.
635
00:42:57,992 --> 00:43:00,745
Ow! You're tearing my flesh!
636
00:43:00,912 --> 00:43:04,624
Good morning, Edna. Ah!
No, Dinky. Sit. Roll over.
637
00:43:05,666 --> 00:43:07,835
Ah. Ah, ow!
638
00:43:08,920 --> 00:43:09,962
Audrey, you're next.
639
00:43:10,129 --> 00:43:11,923
- No way, José.
- Hey, Audrey.
640
00:43:12,090 --> 00:43:13,299
[SNIFFS]
641
00:43:13,466 --> 00:43:14,509
What's the problem?
642
00:43:14,675 --> 00:43:18,471
Ma, I had to sit next to Aunt Edna
last time. She smells like mothballs.
643
00:43:18,638 --> 00:43:19,764
Anyway, it's her turn.
644
00:43:19,931 --> 00:43:23,851
For your information,
Rusty slept in his underpants last night.
645
00:43:24,018 --> 00:43:26,687
- Yeah, I did.
- Hey, hey, hey! Easy, kids. Cut it out.
646
00:43:26,854 --> 00:43:30,441
Everybody in the car,
boat leaves in two minutes.
647
00:43:30,608 --> 00:43:34,278
Or perhaps, you don't want to see
the second-largest ball of twine on Earth.
648
00:43:34,445 --> 00:43:36,114
Which is only four short hours away.
649
00:43:36,280 --> 00:43:37,907
[CHUCKLES]
650
00:43:42,453 --> 00:43:43,496
[RATTLING]
651
00:43:43,663 --> 00:43:45,540
Sweetie, do you hear that rattle?
652
00:43:45,873 --> 00:43:48,709
- Where is it coming from?
- Beats the heck out of me.
653
00:43:48,876 --> 00:43:52,463
I've been looking for it ever since we left.
It's driving me crazy.
654
00:43:52,922 --> 00:43:55,550
RUSTY:
God, Dad, check it out behind you.
655
00:43:55,716 --> 00:43:57,593
Oh, shoot. Now what have we done?
656
00:43:57,760 --> 00:43:58,803
[SIREN WAILING]
657
00:43:58,970 --> 00:44:00,555
- Will you hold my purse?
- Huh?
658
00:44:00,721 --> 00:44:02,890
Just hold my purse.
659
00:44:09,063 --> 00:44:10,064
[SIREN STOPS]
660
00:44:22,743 --> 00:44:24,912
Hello, officer. What's the problem?
661
00:44:27,582 --> 00:44:29,625
Get out of the car.
662
00:44:36,340 --> 00:44:38,342
I don't think I was speeding.
Was I weaving?
663
00:44:38,509 --> 00:44:40,511
Shut your mouth, sir.
664
00:44:42,054 --> 00:44:45,641
If I wasn't in uniform, I'd split your skull
with the butt of this revolver...
665
00:44:45,808 --> 00:44:48,477
...faster than you could say
"police brutality."
666
00:44:48,936 --> 00:44:52,398
Well, officer, whatever it is I've done,
I'm sure I can explain.
667
00:44:56,527 --> 00:44:58,988
Explain this, you son of a bitch.
668
00:44:59,155 --> 00:45:01,073
Oh, my God.
669
00:45:02,325 --> 00:45:06,621
Do you know what the penalty
for animal cruelty is in this state?
670
00:45:06,787 --> 00:45:08,372
No, sir, I don't.
671
00:45:08,664 --> 00:45:10,124
Well...
672
00:45:10,791 --> 00:45:12,376
It's probably pretty stiff.
673
00:45:13,085 --> 00:45:15,838
You can't think
I'd do this on purpose, sir.
674
00:45:16,005 --> 00:45:19,675
Look, I tied him to the rear bumper
when I was packing the car.
675
00:45:19,842 --> 00:45:22,637
It was very confusing, I must've forgot.
676
00:45:23,930 --> 00:45:26,515
I'm very sorry. I feel terrible.
677
00:45:27,099 --> 00:45:29,602
How do you think that little dog feels?
678
00:45:31,520 --> 00:45:32,939
[SHIVERS]
679
00:45:34,273 --> 00:45:38,027
Look, I told you I was sorry.
It really was an accident.
680
00:45:39,570 --> 00:45:42,990
Yeah. I guess I can buy that, sir.
681
00:45:43,157 --> 00:45:45,117
But it is a shame.
682
00:45:45,534 --> 00:45:48,412
I had a pooch like this when I was a kid.
683
00:45:50,998 --> 00:45:52,250
[VOICE BREAKING]
Poor little guy.
684
00:45:52,416 --> 00:45:55,336
He probably kept up with you
for a mile or so.
685
00:45:56,629 --> 00:45:58,089
- Tough little mutt.
- Tough.
686
00:45:58,256 --> 00:46:00,466
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
687
00:46:08,391 --> 00:46:10,810
EDNA:
I was afraid you'd get pulled over, Clark.
688
00:46:10,977 --> 00:46:14,689
You've been exceeding the speed limit
for thousands of miles.
689
00:46:14,855 --> 00:46:17,692
Dad wasn't speeding.
The cop stopped us because Dad forgot--
690
00:46:17,858 --> 00:46:20,653
- He was speeding, Rusty.
- RUSTY: No, he wasn't, Mom.
691
00:46:20,820 --> 00:46:23,447
Russ! Listen to your mother.
I was speeding.
692
00:46:23,614 --> 00:46:24,991
I was driving like a maniac.
693
00:46:25,157 --> 00:46:27,660
We can all be grateful
to this man for stopping us.
694
00:46:27,827 --> 00:46:29,537
- You see, a car--
- Here's the leash.
695
00:46:29,704 --> 00:46:32,331
I'm going to get the rest
of the carcass off the road.
696
00:46:32,498 --> 00:46:34,250
- Thank you, officer.
- See you.
697
00:46:34,417 --> 00:46:36,002
Have a nice day.
698
00:46:36,752 --> 00:46:38,129
[EDNA WHIMPERING]
699
00:46:49,140 --> 00:46:51,851
EDNA:
This your idea of a good restaurant?
700
00:46:52,018 --> 00:46:54,103
Dog killer.
701
00:46:54,270 --> 00:46:56,564
ELLEN:
I'm sure the food is just fine.
702
00:46:56,731 --> 00:46:58,941
Uh-uh-uh. New car, I'll take it.
703
00:46:59,108 --> 00:47:00,443
- WOMAN: Thank you.
- CLARK: Thank you.
704
00:47:00,609 --> 00:47:03,696
Oh, kids. Oh, kids. Mm-mm.
705
00:47:06,741 --> 00:47:07,783
Waitress.
706
00:47:11,662 --> 00:47:13,664
[SNORING]
707
00:48:00,586 --> 00:48:01,629
[HORN HONKING]
708
00:48:10,596 --> 00:48:11,972
[EXCLAIMS]
709
00:48:17,978 --> 00:48:19,647
What happened?
710
00:48:20,898 --> 00:48:23,359
What happened to your hair?
711
00:48:23,901 --> 00:48:25,236
You're sweating.
712
00:48:25,403 --> 00:48:28,489
- Are you blushing?
- Don't be silly.
713
00:48:28,656 --> 00:48:30,157
Are you all right, Clark?
714
00:48:30,324 --> 00:48:32,535
Hell, yes. I'm fine. I'm having a ball.
715
00:48:37,623 --> 00:48:39,125
[SIGHS]
716
00:48:39,792 --> 00:48:42,169
Come on, honey, look at the mountains,
breathe the air.
717
00:48:42,336 --> 00:48:43,879
[INHALES DEEPLY]
718
00:48:44,171 --> 00:48:45,172
[EXHALES]
719
00:48:45,339 --> 00:48:48,008
Put on a happy face for me.
720
00:48:52,555 --> 00:48:56,016
I guess there's not much more
that can happen to us.
721
00:48:56,183 --> 00:48:58,644
I think the worst is behind us.
722
00:48:59,770 --> 00:49:01,439
[THUDDING]
723
00:49:07,069 --> 00:49:09,613
ELLEN:
Clark, I need my vanity case.
724
00:49:09,780 --> 00:49:11,866
We've got to go back and look for it.
725
00:49:12,032 --> 00:49:13,701
All my credit cards are in it.
726
00:49:13,868 --> 00:49:17,538
Honey, number one, I've already called
the bank and told them you've lost them.
727
00:49:17,705 --> 00:49:21,041
B, there's no way we're gonna find it.
We don't know where it fell off.
728
00:49:21,208 --> 00:49:24,879
And three, I've got my credit cards
and we've still got plenty of cash. Okay?
729
00:49:25,045 --> 00:49:27,798
No, we don't. You gave $500 to Eddie...
730
00:49:27,965 --> 00:49:31,552
...and everything has cost twice
as much as you figured out.
731
00:49:31,719 --> 00:49:34,263
There's nothing in that luggage
that can't be replaced.
732
00:49:34,430 --> 00:49:36,474
Except for your diaphragm.
733
00:49:36,640 --> 00:49:39,018
We can always cash a check
down the road.
734
00:49:39,185 --> 00:49:40,769
Don't you trust me?
735
00:49:40,936 --> 00:49:44,565
As long as you don't tie me
to the rear bumper.
736
00:49:47,401 --> 00:49:49,069
That hurt, Ellen.
737
00:49:50,112 --> 00:49:53,407
- ELLEN: Clark, I think we're lost.
- CLARK: We're not lost.
738
00:49:53,574 --> 00:49:55,576
Will you please let me do the driving?
739
00:49:55,743 --> 00:50:00,080
ELLEN: I honestly don't think you're gonna
find the Grand Canyon on this road.
740
00:50:00,247 --> 00:50:02,875
CLARK: Jesus, it's only the biggest
goddamn hole in the world.
741
00:50:03,042 --> 00:50:04,877
EDNA:
Clark, watch your language.
742
00:50:05,044 --> 00:50:06,795
CLARK:
Make that the second-biggest.
743
00:50:06,962 --> 00:50:09,757
Dad, I haven't seen a car for an hour.
744
00:50:09,924 --> 00:50:12,676
Shut up, Audrey. You don't think
Dad knows where he's going?
745
00:50:12,843 --> 00:50:15,095
- Thank you, Russ.
- You're lost.
746
00:50:17,097 --> 00:50:19,934
- I saw some detour signs.
- CLARK: I didn't see any.
747
00:50:20,100 --> 00:50:23,354
I saw them when you and Mom
were trying to fold the map.
748
00:50:23,521 --> 00:50:26,732
When they close a road
they put up big signs. Like this one.
749
00:50:26,899 --> 00:50:28,108
[ALL SCREAM]
750
00:50:39,161 --> 00:50:41,455
[TIRES BURST]
751
00:50:43,332 --> 00:50:45,960
[GROANING]
752
00:50:48,921 --> 00:50:52,091
- I think I broke my nose.
- I stabbed my brain.
753
00:50:52,258 --> 00:50:54,802
I just got my period.
754
00:50:54,969 --> 00:50:57,096
I'd better check under the hood.
755
00:51:09,608 --> 00:51:12,111
ELLEN: Audrey, gather up the clothes
and put them in a pile.
756
00:51:12,278 --> 00:51:15,573
Rusty, find the first-aid kit,
then get the suitcases.
757
00:51:15,739 --> 00:51:17,741
Mom, where can I go to the bathroom?
758
00:51:18,492 --> 00:51:20,452
Find a bush, Audrey.
759
00:51:22,580 --> 00:51:25,374
RUSTY: Dad, you must've jumped this thing
about 50 yards.
760
00:51:25,541 --> 00:51:28,544
CLARK:
It's nothing to be proud of, Rusty.
761
00:51:29,003 --> 00:51:31,046
Fifty yards. Heh.
762
00:51:31,213 --> 00:51:35,342
EDNA:
Ellen! Ellen, get me out of here.
763
00:51:35,509 --> 00:51:37,928
Stay in the car.
It's hot and dangerous out here.
764
00:51:38,095 --> 00:51:41,265
Don't you tell me what to do.
I'll do what I want.
765
00:51:41,432 --> 00:51:44,018
I should never have come
on this trip with you.
766
00:51:44,184 --> 00:51:45,728
I should have taken an airplane.
767
00:51:45,894 --> 00:51:49,690
And he-- He shouldn't even have a license
to drive an automobile.
768
00:51:49,857 --> 00:51:53,193
He should be behind bars.
769
00:51:53,360 --> 00:51:56,822
Sit down and shut up.
770
00:52:03,078 --> 00:52:06,498
Move out of that seat,
and I'll split your lip.
771
00:52:13,922 --> 00:52:16,300
Rusty, come on up here.
772
00:52:16,467 --> 00:52:18,385
Hello, Russ.
773
00:52:18,552 --> 00:52:21,263
I'm gonna hike down the road
to find a service station.
774
00:52:21,430 --> 00:52:24,725
I want you to stay here
and take care of things.
775
00:52:24,892 --> 00:52:28,729
- You'll be okay, Dad?
- Oh, sure, sure, sure.
776
00:52:29,563 --> 00:52:33,025
You know, I haven't had much of a chance
to talk to you man to man, Russ.
777
00:52:33,192 --> 00:52:34,943
Well, I've only been a man
a few days, Dad.
778
00:52:35,110 --> 00:52:37,571
[CHUCKLES]
779
00:52:37,738 --> 00:52:40,491
You're growing up so damn fast.
780
00:52:40,866 --> 00:52:42,993
I've spent the last 15 years of my life...
781
00:52:43,160 --> 00:52:46,872
...developing newer
and better food additives.
782
00:52:47,164 --> 00:52:49,833
I guess I've missed an awful lot.
783
00:52:51,460 --> 00:52:54,213
At first,
I didn't want to take this vacation.
784
00:52:54,838 --> 00:52:56,882
But now I'm glad I did.
785
00:52:57,049 --> 00:53:00,594
It's given me a chance
to spend a lot more time with you and...
786
00:53:00,761 --> 00:53:03,263
- Audrey.
- Audrey. Yeah.
787
00:53:03,972 --> 00:53:05,182
[SIGHS]
788
00:53:05,349 --> 00:53:08,143
You know, it's been real fun for me,
too, Dad. Really.
789
00:53:08,310 --> 00:53:10,479
Except for Aunt Edna.
790
00:53:10,646 --> 00:53:12,981
Oh, she doesn't mean
to be a pain in the rump.
791
00:53:13,148 --> 00:53:14,942
It's just the way she is.
792
00:53:15,109 --> 00:53:18,362
- Let's not let it spoil our fun.
- I won't.
793
00:53:18,529 --> 00:53:21,699
You know, maybe she'd be nicer
if she had a family of her own.
794
00:53:21,865 --> 00:53:26,078
You know, instead of always
having to glom onto someone else's.
795
00:53:27,705 --> 00:53:29,915
You're a pretty bright little guy.
796
00:53:30,082 --> 00:53:31,917
Excuse me. Man.
797
00:53:32,084 --> 00:53:33,460
[CHUCKLES]
798
00:53:34,253 --> 00:53:35,879
[SOBS]
799
00:53:37,047 --> 00:53:38,590
It's okay, Dad.
800
00:53:40,300 --> 00:53:42,052
You know what I wanna do?
801
00:53:44,138 --> 00:53:47,266
When I was your age,
my dad shared a beer with me...
802
00:53:47,433 --> 00:53:49,893
...and I thought it was
the best thing in the world.
803
00:53:55,774 --> 00:53:56,942
Ahh...
804
00:53:59,987 --> 00:54:01,155
[SIGHS]
805
00:54:01,321 --> 00:54:04,992
When I was a boy, just about
every summer we'd take a vacation.
806
00:54:05,701 --> 00:54:08,036
And you know, in 18 years...
807
00:54:08,328 --> 00:54:10,122
...we never had fun.
808
00:54:12,416 --> 00:54:14,084
But now I have my own family.
809
00:54:14,251 --> 00:54:15,669
And we're on our own vacation.
810
00:54:15,836 --> 00:54:18,464
- And you know something, Russ?
- What, Dad?
811
00:54:19,673 --> 00:54:21,842
We're gonna have fun.
812
00:54:26,305 --> 00:54:27,347
We're gonna have fun.
813
00:54:27,848 --> 00:54:28,891
[BURPS]
814
00:54:29,057 --> 00:54:34,062
Hey. Don't let your mother smell beer
on your breath. She'll take it out on me.
815
00:54:35,355 --> 00:54:39,276
Well, I better get a move on if I want
to get us out of here by dark.
816
00:54:41,737 --> 00:54:42,946
Good talk, son.
817
00:54:43,113 --> 00:54:44,865
Good talk, Dad.
818
00:54:45,532 --> 00:54:47,201
Clark?
819
00:54:52,206 --> 00:54:55,918
I just had a good talk with Rusty.
You'll be in good hands here, honey.
820
00:54:57,586 --> 00:54:59,254
Where are you going?
821
00:54:59,421 --> 00:55:03,050
There's gotta be a phone or a gas station
around here somewhere, honey.
822
00:55:04,009 --> 00:55:07,012
All right, but if you're not back
in an hour...
823
00:55:07,179 --> 00:55:10,182
I'll be fine. You'll be fine.
I'm sure this happens all the time.
824
00:55:10,349 --> 00:55:12,643
A patrol car will be by any minute.
825
00:55:13,852 --> 00:55:15,896
CLARK [SINGING]:
♪ Over the river and through the woods ♪
826
00:55:16,063 --> 00:55:17,856
♪ To Grandmother's house we go
Ho! ♪
827
00:55:18,774 --> 00:55:22,778
♪ A thousand bottles of beer on the wall
A thousand bottles of beer ♪
828
00:55:24,613 --> 00:55:26,657
♪ Four bottles of beer ♪
829
00:55:26,824 --> 00:55:28,909
♪ If one of those bottles
should happen to fall ♪
830
00:55:29,076 --> 00:55:32,329
♪ I love a parade ♪
831
00:55:32,496 --> 00:55:36,458
♪ The trampling of feet
I love every beat I hear of a drum ♪
832
00:55:36,625 --> 00:55:39,044
♪ I love a parade ♪
833
00:55:39,211 --> 00:55:40,254
[COUGHS]
834
00:55:40,420 --> 00:55:43,340
♪ I hear a band
I just wanna stand ♪
835
00:55:48,887 --> 00:55:53,392
CLARK: We pass a goddamn gas station
every 100 yards for 1,000 miles.
836
00:55:53,559 --> 00:55:56,603
But when you really need one,
you end up walking your ass off.
837
00:55:56,770 --> 00:55:59,273
This is no way to run a desert.
838
00:55:59,439 --> 00:56:02,484
Jesus. I'm gonna die. That's it! I'm dying.
839
00:56:03,277 --> 00:56:05,362
What an asshole.
840
00:56:10,367 --> 00:56:12,703
CLARK:
Taxi. Taxi? Taxi!
841
00:56:12,870 --> 00:56:14,329
Dead. I'm dead.
842
00:56:14,496 --> 00:56:17,666
Taxi! Here boy.
843
00:56:17,916 --> 00:56:21,795
Heat. The heat.
I'm dying. I'm dead. I'm finished.
844
00:56:22,546 --> 00:56:24,047
[GRUNTING]
845
00:56:24,214 --> 00:56:25,674
Hot. Hot.
846
00:56:34,057 --> 00:56:35,893
Hot wrist.
847
00:56:39,354 --> 00:56:41,356
[MUTTERING]
848
00:56:43,317 --> 00:56:45,485
Mom, Mommy?
849
00:56:47,863 --> 00:56:51,658
[SCREAMING]
850
00:56:53,952 --> 00:56:55,954
ELLEN: I'm not sure of his exact height
and weight.
851
00:56:56,121 --> 00:56:58,373
All I know is the man
was a saint with children...
852
00:56:58,540 --> 00:57:00,334
...and a genius with food additives...
853
00:57:00,500 --> 00:57:02,502
...and he was-- Clark!
854
00:57:02,669 --> 00:57:03,879
[IN HOARSE VOICE]
Ellen!
855
00:57:04,046 --> 00:57:05,797
[ELLEN SCREAMS]
856
00:57:05,964 --> 00:57:07,799
- I was so worried.
- Russ.
857
00:57:07,966 --> 00:57:09,927
- ELLEN: What are you doing?
- Russ, Russ!
858
00:57:10,093 --> 00:57:12,846
Audrey? Audrey.
859
00:57:13,430 --> 00:57:15,349
Have you grown?
860
00:57:15,515 --> 00:57:17,851
- ELLEN: Are you all right?
- I feel fine.
861
00:57:18,018 --> 00:57:19,770
What happened? How did you get here?
862
00:57:19,937 --> 00:57:23,148
Well, these two nice Indians
and a man on a camel called a tow truck.
863
00:57:23,315 --> 00:57:25,651
- Daddy's back.
- A camel?
864
00:57:25,817 --> 00:57:28,195
A camel. Hey, kids, are you thirsty?
865
00:57:28,362 --> 00:57:31,448
- Yeah, I bet you are, too.
- You said it.
866
00:57:33,784 --> 00:57:35,702
[HORN HONKING]
867
00:57:51,093 --> 00:57:54,388
Okay. What do I owe you?
868
00:57:54,638 --> 00:57:57,975
Never heard of no one so shit-all stupid
as you driving off that road.
869
00:57:58,141 --> 00:58:01,061
You must have got
manure for your brains.
870
00:58:01,228 --> 00:58:03,855
Yes, well, I'm from out of town.
871
00:58:04,022 --> 00:58:05,732
What's the bill?
872
00:58:05,899 --> 00:58:07,693
[CHUCKLES]
873
00:58:10,237 --> 00:58:11,613
Come on, come on. How much?
874
00:58:11,780 --> 00:58:13,073
How much you got?
875
00:58:13,240 --> 00:58:15,701
No, I'm asking how much the repairs are.
876
00:58:15,867 --> 00:58:18,912
And I'm asking you, how much you got?
877
00:58:20,539 --> 00:58:22,290
You're out of your mind.
878
00:58:22,749 --> 00:58:25,127
I don't have time to play around.
How much is it?
879
00:58:25,919 --> 00:58:27,879
All of it, boy.
880
00:58:29,464 --> 00:58:31,466
What does your sheriff think
of your business practices?
881
00:58:31,633 --> 00:58:33,343
[LAUGHING]
882
00:58:54,156 --> 00:58:56,950
Audrey, honey, how much
babysitting money do you have?
883
00:58:57,117 --> 00:58:59,286
- How come?
- How much?
884
00:58:59,453 --> 00:59:00,537
What's the matter?
885
00:59:00,704 --> 00:59:05,208
Nothing. I just spent $500
on four bald tires and a tow.
886
00:59:05,375 --> 00:59:06,752
How much do you have, Audrey?
887
00:59:08,253 --> 00:59:11,048
- Thirty-five.
- She has $40, Dad.
888
00:59:11,214 --> 00:59:13,925
How would you know
unless you went in my purse, you sneak?
889
00:59:14,092 --> 00:59:16,595
Have you been going through
her private property?
890
00:59:16,762 --> 00:59:19,139
I don't give a frog's fat ass
who went through what.
891
00:59:19,306 --> 00:59:20,974
We need money.
892
00:59:21,975 --> 00:59:23,935
Edna, how much do you have?
893
00:59:24,102 --> 00:59:25,812
She's asleep, Clark.
894
00:59:26,563 --> 00:59:28,732
Russ, wanna look through Edna's purse?
895
00:59:28,899 --> 00:59:30,692
Clark.
896
00:59:36,114 --> 00:59:37,657
CLARK:
Unzip it, Russ.
897
00:59:41,661 --> 00:59:44,289
- RUSTY: She has 11 cents, Dad.
- Terrific.
898
00:59:44,456 --> 00:59:47,000
ELLEN:
The motel will cash your check.
899
00:59:47,167 --> 00:59:49,127
They better. We're gonna run out of gas.
900
00:59:53,882 --> 00:59:57,636
I'm sorry, sir.
I can't accept this credit card.
901
00:59:57,803 --> 01:00:00,847
- Why not?
- The computer says it's been reported lost.
902
01:00:01,014 --> 01:00:05,352
Oh, no. You see, my wife lost her cards
in Colorado and I had to report it.
903
01:00:05,519 --> 01:00:08,355
The computer is probably saying
I lost mine, which I haven't.
904
01:00:08,522 --> 01:00:11,608
Well, you'll have to straighten
that out with your bank.
905
01:00:12,442 --> 01:00:15,070
- Would you take a personal check?
- For how much?
906
01:00:15,237 --> 01:00:17,781
- Three-hundred dollars.
- I can't do that, sir.
907
01:00:17,948 --> 01:00:20,534
I've lost all my cash.
We're on our way to California.
908
01:00:20,700 --> 01:00:23,912
- Walley World?
- Yeah. Walley World.
909
01:00:24,079 --> 01:00:26,790
And I'm sort of stuck between a rock
and a hard place.
910
01:00:26,957 --> 01:00:31,044
- You know, I'd really appreciate it.
- Not without a major credit card.
911
01:00:33,505 --> 01:00:36,049
I have $6.13 to my name...
912
01:00:36,216 --> 01:00:38,885
...so I can see we're gonna
have to work something out.
913
01:00:39,052 --> 01:00:41,304
I've already told you
I can't accept a check...
914
01:00:41,471 --> 01:00:43,098
...without a major credit card.
915
01:00:43,265 --> 01:00:45,308
I'm making this out for $1,000.
916
01:00:45,475 --> 01:00:50,230
All you have to do is give me $300 in cash,
and keep $700...
917
01:00:50,397 --> 01:00:53,900
...all for doing nothing more
than acting like a total creep.
918
01:00:55,235 --> 01:00:56,736
The only thing I can do...
919
01:00:56,903 --> 01:00:59,865
...is have you stay here
until the check clears.
920
01:01:00,031 --> 01:01:02,492
Ten working days.
921
01:01:29,227 --> 01:01:32,230
Okay, let's go, come on. Ha-ha.
Where is Edna?
922
01:01:32,397 --> 01:01:34,816
- She's in the car.
- Good. Come on, get in the car.
923
01:01:34,983 --> 01:01:37,986
Don't you want to look
at the Grand Canyon?
924
01:01:39,404 --> 01:01:41,489
Great, let's go.
925
01:01:51,499 --> 01:01:53,543
Rusty, up and at them.
926
01:01:54,586 --> 01:01:55,837
What?
927
01:01:56,004 --> 01:01:58,757
Crack open those sandwiches
I got at the gas station.
928
01:01:58,924 --> 01:02:02,260
I'm so hungry, I could eat a sandwich
from a gas station. Ha-ha-ha.
929
01:02:03,386 --> 01:02:05,138
There's one for everyone.
930
01:02:05,305 --> 01:02:09,267
Audrey, wake up Aunt Edna.
It's time for her to eat and take her pill.
931
01:02:09,434 --> 01:02:11,937
Please, get off me.
932
01:02:12,103 --> 01:02:14,397
Mom, tell Audrey to quit pushing
Aunt Edna on me.
933
01:02:14,564 --> 01:02:16,858
I'm sick of her lying on me all the time.
934
01:02:17,317 --> 01:02:19,319
Be quiet.
935
01:02:19,819 --> 01:02:22,948
- Auntie?
- Honey, it's only a few hours to Phoenix.
936
01:02:23,114 --> 01:02:26,034
- Let her be, she's fine.
- She's not fine.
937
01:02:26,743 --> 01:02:28,411
CLARK:
She's fine. Don't be silly.
938
01:02:28,578 --> 01:02:31,039
She's not fine, Clark.
939
01:02:31,206 --> 01:02:32,415
She's dead.
940
01:02:32,666 --> 01:02:34,334
[TIRES SQUEALING]
941
01:02:39,422 --> 01:02:40,465
[CLARK MUTTERING]
942
01:02:40,632 --> 01:02:42,842
AUDREY: She breathed on me.
A dead person breathed on me.
943
01:02:43,009 --> 01:02:45,595
RUSTY: Her hand touched me.
She's stiff already. Ugh.
944
01:02:48,723 --> 01:02:50,016
CLARK:
Ugh.
945
01:02:57,232 --> 01:02:58,858
Goddamn it, anyway.
946
01:03:08,410 --> 01:03:12,038
She must have passed away
somewhere near Flagstaff.
947
01:03:13,331 --> 01:03:15,917
What are we going to do, Clark?
948
01:03:18,378 --> 01:03:20,714
We could leave her here.
The first phone we pass...
949
01:03:20,880 --> 01:03:23,550
...we could call your cousin
and he could come and get her.
950
01:03:23,717 --> 01:03:25,427
That's the meanest, coldest--
951
01:03:25,593 --> 01:03:27,804
What do you want me to do,
call Federal Express?
952
01:03:27,971 --> 01:03:30,473
We don't have to ride
with a dead person, do we?
953
01:03:30,640 --> 01:03:32,017
Please say we don't.
954
01:03:32,183 --> 01:03:34,394
It'd be real easy for Cousin Normie
to find her.
955
01:03:34,561 --> 01:03:37,022
All he'd have to do
is look for the buzzards.
956
01:03:37,188 --> 01:03:40,608
Hell. We'll drive her to Cousin Normie's,
for Pete's sake.
957
01:03:40,775 --> 01:03:44,404
I just didn't want to get caught up
in a funeral, inquests and all that crap.
958
01:03:44,571 --> 01:03:49,868
You are the most self-centered,
egotistical, manipulative--
959
01:03:50,035 --> 01:03:52,412
Don't say anything you'll regret, Ellen.
960
01:03:52,579 --> 01:03:54,998
I'm being practical.
If we drove straight through...
961
01:03:55,165 --> 01:03:58,209
...we'd have three days
at Walley World at best. Three.
962
01:04:00,795 --> 01:04:03,256
She can't weigh more than 100 pounds.
963
01:04:03,506 --> 01:04:06,468
Oh, no. You can't put her up on that roof.
964
01:04:06,634 --> 01:04:07,844
Yes, he can.
965
01:04:08,011 --> 01:04:11,931
You want me to strap her to the hood?
What's the difference? She'll be fine.
966
01:04:12,098 --> 01:04:14,601
It's not as if it's going to rain
or something.
967
01:04:15,643 --> 01:04:17,771
[THUNDER CRASHING]
968
01:04:41,086 --> 01:04:44,839
ELLEN:
This is terrible. Ugh.
969
01:04:45,006 --> 01:04:47,425
What a nightmare.
970
01:05:00,897 --> 01:05:02,899
[RINGING DOORBELL]
971
01:05:03,274 --> 01:05:05,652
Don't just blurt it out about Edna dying.
972
01:05:05,819 --> 01:05:08,488
How about if I ask him
to play twenty questions?
973
01:05:11,116 --> 01:05:12,617
[RINGING DOORBELL]
974
01:05:16,579 --> 01:05:18,611
Oh, for Christ's sake,
he isn't even home.
975
01:05:18,820 --> 01:05:20,792
Maybe the neighbors
know where he is.
976
01:05:20,959 --> 01:05:24,838
- Moron knows we're coming and isn't home.
- Normie's always been flighty.
977
01:05:25,004 --> 01:05:27,549
- He's always been a jag-off.
- Will you watch your mouth?
978
01:05:27,715 --> 01:05:29,175
There's a note.
979
01:05:30,510 --> 01:05:33,430
"Have gone to Flagstaff.
Be back on Monday."
980
01:05:34,055 --> 01:05:35,723
Jeez, what a worm.
981
01:05:54,284 --> 01:05:59,372
ELLEN:
Oh-- Darn, it's locked.
982
01:06:03,376 --> 01:06:05,295
Okay, let's go.
983
01:06:05,962 --> 01:06:08,173
We can't leave her on the patio.
984
01:06:09,048 --> 01:06:12,552
You rather I slip her in the night-deposit
box at the funeral home? Come on.
985
01:06:12,719 --> 01:06:15,054
It's raining all over her.
986
01:06:15,221 --> 01:06:17,891
She can't catch a cold now, Mom.
987
01:06:18,725 --> 01:06:21,478
Clark, we have to at least say something.
988
01:06:21,644 --> 01:06:24,439
Okay, bow your heads, bow your heads.
989
01:06:25,064 --> 01:06:26,649
Oh, God.
990
01:06:27,859 --> 01:06:30,820
Ease our suffering in this,
our moment of great despair.
991
01:06:30,987 --> 01:06:35,783
Yea, admit this good and decent woman
into thine arms and the flock...
992
01:06:35,950 --> 01:06:38,036
...in thine heavenly area up there.
993
01:06:39,913 --> 01:06:43,833
And Moab he laidest down
behind the land of the Canaanites.
994
01:06:44,000 --> 01:06:47,629
And, yea, though the Hindus speak
of karma--
995
01:06:47,795 --> 01:06:49,964
- Clark.
- I implore you...
996
01:06:50,131 --> 01:06:52,675
- ...give her a break.
- Clark.
997
01:06:53,134 --> 01:06:55,136
[SINGING]
998
01:06:58,932 --> 01:07:01,768
Clark, this is a serious matter.
I'll do it myself.
999
01:07:01,935 --> 01:07:06,147
Honey, I'm not an ordained minister.
I'm doing my best, okay?
1000
01:07:06,648 --> 01:07:10,276
Lord, we love this woman
with all our hearts.
1001
01:07:10,443 --> 01:07:13,279
- Let's not overdo it, Mom.
- Shut up.
1002
01:07:13,446 --> 01:07:15,907
We know she deserves better than this...
1003
01:07:16,074 --> 01:07:20,203
...but my husband wants his beloved family
to get to Walley World...
1004
01:07:20,370 --> 01:07:21,955
...to have their vacation.
1005
01:07:22,121 --> 01:07:25,083
I hope you understand.
Have mercy on his soul.
1006
01:07:25,250 --> 01:07:27,544
Amen. Let's go. Come on.
1007
01:07:27,710 --> 01:07:30,755
I hope you kids have learned
something about life and death.
1008
01:07:30,922 --> 01:07:34,092
AUDREY:
Yeah. Don't die unless somebody's home.
1009
01:07:35,802 --> 01:07:39,138
Normie will understand when he sees
the note we pinned on Edna's sleeve.
1010
01:07:39,305 --> 01:07:43,309
Sure. You left his dead mother
tied to a lawn chair in his backyard.
1011
01:07:43,476 --> 01:07:45,562
I'm sure he won't mind.
1012
01:07:45,728 --> 01:07:47,647
Look, it's all over and done with.
1013
01:07:47,814 --> 01:07:51,067
We'll find a place to stay and start fresh
in the morning. It's fine.
1014
01:07:51,234 --> 01:07:54,028
I don't want to be in the car anymore.
I want to go home.
1015
01:07:54,195 --> 01:07:55,989
I don't want to go to Walley World.
1016
01:07:56,155 --> 01:07:59,867
Clark, under the circumstances,
I wouldn't mind if we just went home.
1017
01:08:00,034 --> 01:08:02,745
In retrospect, it seems like
a pretty bad idea driving out.
1018
01:08:02,912 --> 01:08:04,956
It's been one disaster after another.
1019
01:08:05,123 --> 01:08:08,001
Yeah, it's been a real drag, Dad.
1020
01:08:08,167 --> 01:08:10,336
Maybe we can try it some other time.
1021
01:08:10,503 --> 01:08:14,507
- Walley World's overrated anyway.
- What do you think?
1022
01:08:14,674 --> 01:08:16,593
[TIRES SQUEAL
1023
01:08:18,261 --> 01:08:20,346
I think you're all fucked in the head.
1024
01:08:20,513 --> 01:08:24,058
We're ten hours from the fucking
fun park and you want to bail out.
1025
01:08:24,225 --> 01:08:27,020
Well, I'll tell you something.
This is no longer a vacation.
1026
01:08:27,186 --> 01:08:29,647
It's a quest. It's a quest for fun.
1027
01:08:30,398 --> 01:08:32,483
I'm gonna have fun
and you're gonna have fun.
1028
01:08:32,650 --> 01:08:34,611
We're all gonna have
so much fucking fun...
1029
01:08:34,777 --> 01:08:37,655
...we'll need plastic surgery
to remove our goddamn smiles.
1030
01:08:37,822 --> 01:08:41,284
You'll be whistling "zippity-doo-dah"
out of your assholes.
1031
01:08:41,451 --> 01:08:42,577
[LAUGHS]
1032
01:08:42,744 --> 01:08:45,788
I gotta be crazy. I'm on a pilgrimage
to see a moose.
1033
01:08:45,955 --> 01:08:49,792
Praise Marty Moose. Holy shit.
1034
01:08:50,793 --> 01:08:52,712
Dad, do you want
an aspirin or something?
1035
01:08:53,546 --> 01:08:54,714
Don't touch.
1036
01:09:09,270 --> 01:09:11,230
Next time you have
one of your outbursts...
1037
01:09:11,397 --> 01:09:14,400
...I'd appreciate if you'd have
some consideration for your kids.
1038
01:09:14,567 --> 01:09:16,819
- What are you talking about?
- You don't know?
1039
01:09:16,986 --> 01:09:20,156
All I know is I'm trying to treat my family
to a little fun.
1040
01:09:20,323 --> 01:09:22,742
Spare me, Clark.
I know your brand of family fun.
1041
01:09:22,909 --> 01:09:26,120
Tomorrow you'll probably
kill the desk clerk, hold up a McDonald's...
1042
01:09:26,287 --> 01:09:30,541
...and drive us a thousand miles out of the
way to see the world's largest ball of mud.
1043
01:09:30,708 --> 01:09:33,002
You know what your problem is, Ellen?
1044
01:09:34,253 --> 01:09:38,132
You have a knack for looking at the
dark side of things. That's your problem.
1045
01:09:39,467 --> 01:09:41,886
You wouldn't know a good time
if it bit you.
1046
01:09:42,053 --> 01:09:44,931
- Where are you going?
- What do you care?
1047
01:09:50,103 --> 01:09:51,646
[PIANO PLAYING JAZZ MUSIC]
1048
01:09:51,813 --> 01:09:53,815
[PEOPLE CHATTERING]
1049
01:10:16,629 --> 01:10:18,631
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
1050
01:11:16,063 --> 01:11:18,399
Waiting for someone?
1051
01:11:19,233 --> 01:11:22,570
No. Ahem.
Do you mind if I sit down?
1052
01:11:22,737 --> 01:11:24,071
[CHUCKLES]
1053
01:11:24,405 --> 01:11:26,324
Fancy seeing you here.
1054
01:11:26,866 --> 01:11:29,660
Having a nice little family vacation?
1055
01:11:32,246 --> 01:11:34,791
[CHUCKLING]
Oh. No.
1056
01:11:34,957 --> 01:11:37,794
It would appear so, wouldn't it? No, no.
1057
01:11:37,960 --> 01:11:41,589
No, the truth of it is,
and this is highly confidential...
1058
01:11:42,048 --> 01:11:44,133
...I own this motel.
1059
01:11:45,134 --> 01:11:49,138
Own the whole chain, nationwide.
Twenty-two hundred units.
1060
01:11:50,348 --> 01:11:53,935
Yeah, once a year,
I travel across the country, incognito.
1061
01:11:54,101 --> 01:11:56,646
Check things out,
and see how the operation is running.
1062
01:11:56,813 --> 01:11:59,357
I thought you were gonna say
you worked for the CIA.
1063
01:11:59,816 --> 01:12:01,526
[LAUGHS]
1064
01:12:02,193 --> 01:12:04,821
- That's an old bit, huh?
- Really.
1065
01:12:04,987 --> 01:12:07,865
Oh, no. No, I'm not with the CIA.
1066
01:12:08,032 --> 01:12:10,910
I was, but that was a long time ago.
1067
01:12:11,077 --> 01:12:13,663
I don't like to talk about it, really.
1068
01:12:14,038 --> 01:12:17,291
No, I'm mostly interested
in my motels now.
1069
01:12:17,458 --> 01:12:20,169
- And my airline.
- That's great.
1070
01:12:20,336 --> 01:12:22,588
I'm just trying to have a little fun.
1071
01:12:22,755 --> 01:12:24,924
It's too bad you're married.
1072
01:12:25,091 --> 01:12:27,051
I'm in the mood for some fun.
1073
01:12:27,760 --> 01:12:29,178
Married?
1074
01:12:29,345 --> 01:12:31,931
Oh, you mean those people I'm with?
1075
01:12:32,098 --> 01:12:34,183
That's my brother's family.
1076
01:12:34,350 --> 01:12:35,852
My brother's ring.
1077
01:12:36,018 --> 01:12:39,856
I usually borrow them on
these little inspection tours of mine.
1078
01:12:40,606 --> 01:12:44,652
It sort of helps to complete the disguise.
It's fun for them.
1079
01:12:44,819 --> 01:12:48,155
It's a good disguise.
I like the station-wagon effect.
1080
01:12:48,322 --> 01:12:51,367
Yeah? Well, that's a big part of it.
1081
01:12:51,534 --> 01:12:56,581
You know, in order to be convincing, you
have to look and act like an ordinary jerk.
1082
01:12:58,374 --> 01:13:02,628
You know, stop at all the stupid sites
and look like a fool.
1083
01:13:03,254 --> 01:13:05,548
Basically, be yourself?
1084
01:13:05,715 --> 01:13:07,300
Yeah.
1085
01:13:07,800 --> 01:13:09,927
You like the disguise?
1086
01:13:13,890 --> 01:13:18,311
CLARK: Yeah, my credo is,
if you have to have a credo...
1087
01:13:18,477 --> 01:13:21,188
...you know, "Go for it," pretty much.
1088
01:13:21,355 --> 01:13:25,693
You only go around this crazy
merry-go-round once. You know?
1089
01:13:25,860 --> 01:13:28,529
- I agree.
- Yeah.
1090
01:13:31,282 --> 01:13:33,200
[INHALES SHARPLY]
1091
01:13:33,492 --> 01:13:35,620
Yeah, that's my credo.
1092
01:13:39,332 --> 01:13:42,251
You don't have to have a credo, but...
1093
01:13:42,418 --> 01:13:43,711
If the fur fits, wear it.
1094
01:13:43,878 --> 01:13:47,381
A penny saved, pennies from heaven.
1095
01:13:47,548 --> 01:13:51,302
My favorite credo, oh, ha-ha...
1096
01:13:54,388 --> 01:13:58,434
...um, you know, a penny saved, and...
1097
01:13:58,601 --> 01:14:00,102
Thank you.
1098
01:14:00,269 --> 01:14:01,854
[WATER SPLASHING]
1099
01:14:04,565 --> 01:14:07,026
Wow. This feels great.
1100
01:14:09,445 --> 01:14:10,738
Well...
1101
01:14:10,905 --> 01:14:12,865
...are you gonna go for it?
1102
01:14:13,699 --> 01:14:15,284
Uh-- Here?
1103
01:14:15,451 --> 01:14:17,411
For starters, sure.
1104
01:14:17,578 --> 01:14:20,581
Why not? Don't you swim?
1105
01:14:20,748 --> 01:14:22,541
Oh, sure. Ha-ha.
1106
01:14:22,708 --> 01:14:27,797
Sure, I took third in the state finals
in my senior year.
1107
01:14:28,172 --> 01:14:30,758
Yeah, I swim. Heck, yes.
1108
01:14:30,925 --> 01:14:34,178
Oh, yeah, I feel completely at ease
in the water.
1109
01:14:34,345 --> 01:14:36,722
Yeah, I...
1110
01:14:36,889 --> 01:14:38,849
I'm proficient in many strokes and I dive.
1111
01:14:39,016 --> 01:14:41,978
As a matter of fact,
I could've been in the Olympics.
1112
01:14:42,728 --> 01:14:47,108
Yeah, uh... Yeah, I'll be right there.
1113
01:14:47,817 --> 01:14:49,276
Yeah.
1114
01:14:50,403 --> 01:14:53,322
This is crazy, this is crazy,
this is crazy.
1115
01:14:53,906 --> 01:14:55,324
[EXHALES]
1116
01:14:55,491 --> 01:14:57,702
- How's the water?
- Exhilarating.
1117
01:14:58,786 --> 01:15:01,956
I'm in deep, I'm in deep.
1118
01:15:06,127 --> 01:15:07,962
Ah! Cold!
1119
01:15:08,129 --> 01:15:11,173
Jesus. Fuck. Ah!
1120
01:15:11,882 --> 01:15:13,426
Clark?
1121
01:15:13,592 --> 01:15:14,844
CLARK:
Cold!
1122
01:15:15,803 --> 01:15:17,388
Jesus! Ah!
1123
01:15:25,396 --> 01:15:27,064
Clark?
1124
01:15:27,648 --> 01:15:30,151
- Hi, honey.
- What are you doing?
1125
01:15:30,317 --> 01:15:31,485
Uh-- Swimming.
1126
01:15:31,652 --> 01:15:34,947
Yeah, my back was killing me.
1127
01:15:35,114 --> 01:15:38,993
I thought, you know, a good hot swim
would loosen up the muscles.
1128
01:15:39,160 --> 01:15:42,288
Why go to the car and get
the bathing suit? Jump right in.
1129
01:15:42,997 --> 01:15:44,832
It's exhilarating.
1130
01:15:44,999 --> 01:15:49,045
Guess what, honey?
This person here was here.
1131
01:15:49,462 --> 01:15:51,589
I didn't see this person...
1132
01:15:51,756 --> 01:15:55,301
...so I screamed, that's why I yelled.
I was so surprised.
1133
01:15:55,468 --> 01:15:57,970
You can imagine, can't you, honey?
1134
01:16:01,932 --> 01:16:02,975
Honey?
1135
01:16:03,142 --> 01:16:04,351
[DOOR CLOSES]
1136
01:16:13,819 --> 01:16:15,196
Uh...
1137
01:16:16,155 --> 01:16:17,990
Will you excuse me?
1138
01:16:18,157 --> 01:16:19,366
If you have to go.
1139
01:16:20,785 --> 01:16:23,579
Well, I'd stay if I weren't married,
but I am.
1140
01:16:23,746 --> 01:16:25,331
I know.
1141
01:16:25,831 --> 01:16:30,336
- I hope I didn't spoil your evening.
- No, it's been interesting.
1142
01:16:31,212 --> 01:16:33,172
Well, enjoy the rest of your trip.
1143
01:16:33,339 --> 01:16:34,965
You, too.
1144
01:16:38,844 --> 01:16:40,846
[ALL CHATTERING]
1145
01:16:43,682 --> 01:16:46,018
I can't believe this.
1146
01:16:46,769 --> 01:16:50,231
I am so humiliated.
1147
01:16:51,857 --> 01:16:54,360
Cut it out, Audrey. You don't even know
how to inhale.
1148
01:16:54,527 --> 01:16:55,986
So?
1149
01:16:56,153 --> 01:16:58,280
Maybe I don't want to.
1150
01:16:58,447 --> 01:17:00,825
You're such a dork, Audrey.
1151
01:17:01,867 --> 01:17:04,495
How can he do this to Mom?
1152
01:17:05,037 --> 01:17:07,248
They'll probably get a divorce.
1153
01:17:07,414 --> 01:17:08,916
I'd better go talk to him.
1154
01:17:13,796 --> 01:17:15,881
- Hey, squirt.
- Hey, Dad.
1155
01:17:16,048 --> 01:17:17,133
What are you doing up?
1156
01:17:18,384 --> 01:17:20,261
You woke the whole motel up, Dad.
1157
01:17:21,762 --> 01:17:23,139
Oh. Ha-ha-ha.
1158
01:17:23,305 --> 01:17:25,015
I was swimming.
1159
01:17:25,182 --> 01:17:26,433
Yeah, I saw you.
1160
01:17:28,561 --> 01:17:30,396
Russ, come here a minute.
1161
01:17:32,064 --> 01:17:33,107
[SIGHS]
1162
01:17:33,274 --> 01:17:34,441
Russ...
1163
01:17:34,608 --> 01:17:37,486
...you know I wouldn't do anything
to hurt your mom.
1164
01:17:38,904 --> 01:17:41,407
It's been a long drive...
1165
01:17:42,408 --> 01:17:43,742
...and, jeez, I work...
1166
01:17:43,909 --> 01:17:48,080
I work very hard for you
and Audrey and your mom.
1167
01:17:50,499 --> 01:17:54,670
I guess when you get older
you get these feelings...
1168
01:17:55,212 --> 01:17:59,550
...and these feelings make you do things
you wouldn't normally do.
1169
01:18:00,009 --> 01:18:03,512
- Like swimming naked with girls?
- Yeah. Like swimming naked with girls.
1170
01:18:03,679 --> 01:18:06,432
Well, not with girls.
You think I was swimming with girls?
1171
01:18:06,599 --> 01:18:09,560
It was just one girl. I saw that girl.
1172
01:18:09,727 --> 01:18:10,978
Who, that girl?
1173
01:18:11,145 --> 01:18:13,939
Oh, no, that's a waitress.
No, I was just ordering in.
1174
01:18:14,106 --> 01:18:16,775
She's a pool waitress. I was...
1175
01:18:16,942 --> 01:18:20,362
...ordering some fish for you
and Audrey and Mom.
1176
01:18:20,529 --> 01:18:23,949
- She took your order?
- She took my order, yeah. Ha-ha.
1177
01:18:24,116 --> 01:18:26,160
Swimming waitress.
1178
01:18:26,327 --> 01:18:27,953
You understand, don't you, Russ?
1179
01:18:28,120 --> 01:18:31,123
Sure, I understand.
1180
01:18:31,457 --> 01:18:33,542
Do you think Mom will buy it?
1181
01:18:35,628 --> 01:18:37,588
Good talk, son.
1182
01:18:38,714 --> 01:18:40,591
Go to bed, Russ.
1183
01:18:40,966 --> 01:18:42,468
Goodnight.
1184
01:18:46,513 --> 01:18:48,015
Ellen?
1185
01:18:51,644 --> 01:18:53,145
Ellen?
1186
01:18:53,395 --> 01:18:54,939
Honey?
1187
01:18:57,399 --> 01:18:59,026
Are you mad?
1188
01:18:59,902 --> 01:19:01,654
No.
1189
01:19:03,155 --> 01:19:05,324
Do you like that girl?
1190
01:19:06,242 --> 01:19:08,160
Is that what you want?
1191
01:19:08,327 --> 01:19:11,538
Oh, no. No, no, no.
1192
01:19:11,705 --> 01:19:13,958
How could I like a girl like that?
1193
01:19:14,124 --> 01:19:16,001
She's ugly.
1194
01:19:16,877 --> 01:19:18,671
I love you.
1195
01:19:21,423 --> 01:19:24,051
I'm sorry about everything.
1196
01:19:24,218 --> 01:19:26,512
I got angry because you were right
and I knew it.
1197
01:19:26,679 --> 01:19:28,514
I was hurt, honey.
1198
01:19:28,681 --> 01:19:31,600
I'm sorry, too. It's not all your fault.
1199
01:19:31,767 --> 01:19:33,560
I know you've been trying.
1200
01:19:33,727 --> 01:19:36,021
I'm gonna try, too.
1201
01:19:37,773 --> 01:19:39,858
I know how to have fun.
1202
01:19:40,693 --> 01:19:42,528
And I'm going to prove it.
1203
01:19:43,279 --> 01:19:45,990
- Come on. Come on. Come on.
- Ellen? What are we doing?
1204
01:19:46,156 --> 01:19:48,534
Honey, you don't have
to prove anything to me.
1205
01:19:48,701 --> 01:19:52,329
Come on, Clark.
I want us to have some fun together.
1206
01:19:53,330 --> 01:19:56,375
- Come on.
- The water's very--
1207
01:19:57,042 --> 01:19:58,961
ELLEN:
Fuck! Aah!
1208
01:20:04,008 --> 01:20:05,050
Ooh!
1209
01:20:05,926 --> 01:20:07,386
Aah!
1210
01:20:11,307 --> 01:20:12,683
Aah!
1211
01:20:29,908 --> 01:20:32,161
CLARK:
We must be getting close.
1212
01:20:32,328 --> 01:20:34,747
We're almost there.
Everybody just take it easy.
1213
01:20:34,913 --> 01:20:38,375
Just take it easy. We're gonna be there.
1214
01:20:40,753 --> 01:20:44,548
I know we're getting close.
What is that? What is that?
1215
01:20:44,715 --> 01:20:46,133
There it is.
1216
01:20:46,300 --> 01:20:47,801
Walley World, next three exits.
1217
01:20:47,968 --> 01:20:51,138
- Dad! Whoa!
- Walley World!
1218
01:20:52,473 --> 01:20:54,933
We made it, damn it. We made it.
1219
01:20:55,934 --> 01:20:59,188
The Griswolds are one hell
of a family, huh? We made it!
1220
01:20:59,438 --> 01:21:01,440
[FAMILY CHATTERING]
1221
01:21:02,441 --> 01:21:05,402
Don't get too much sun, now.
Watch out. Watch out.
1222
01:21:09,239 --> 01:21:10,532
Oh.
1223
01:21:10,699 --> 01:21:12,451
It's beautiful.
1224
01:21:12,618 --> 01:21:15,245
It's just beautiful.
1225
01:21:16,288 --> 01:21:18,707
Oh, darling.
1226
01:21:20,709 --> 01:21:25,798
- We made it.
- You did it, Clark. Sparky.
1227
01:21:25,964 --> 01:21:28,467
I love you guys. I love. I love.
1228
01:21:42,106 --> 01:21:44,733
CLARK:
Aah. First ones here. First ones here.
1229
01:21:47,861 --> 01:21:49,696
First ones here.
1230
01:21:49,863 --> 01:21:52,157
ELLEN:
But we're so far away, Clark.
1231
01:21:52,324 --> 01:21:55,661
Right, right. And at the end of the day,
when the lot's all full...
1232
01:21:55,828 --> 01:21:59,456
...and everybody's fighting to get out,
we'll be the first ones out, too.
1233
01:22:00,833 --> 01:22:05,170
Why? Because we're the Griswolds.
1234
01:22:05,671 --> 01:22:07,172
[BOTH LAUGH]
1235
01:22:07,339 --> 01:22:09,174
Come on, I'll race you.
1236
01:23:19,912 --> 01:23:22,456
MARTY [ON RECORDING]: Sorry, folks.
We're closed for two weeks...
1237
01:23:22,623 --> 01:23:27,085
...to clean and repair
America's favorite family fun park. Sorry.
1238
01:23:27,252 --> 01:23:28,921
[MARTY CHUCKLES]
1239
01:23:29,087 --> 01:23:30,380
[CHUCKLES]
1240
01:23:32,132 --> 01:23:33,342
[DISTORTED VOICE]
Sorry, folks. We're closed...
1241
01:23:33,509 --> 01:23:35,469
Clark. What are you doing?
1242
01:23:35,636 --> 01:23:37,679
We watch his program.
1243
01:23:37,846 --> 01:23:40,933
We buy his toys. We go to his movies.
He owes us.
1244
01:23:41,099 --> 01:23:42,976
Doesn't he owe us, huh?
1245
01:23:43,143 --> 01:23:44,770
He owes the Griswolds, right?
1246
01:23:44,937 --> 01:23:46,605
Fucking A right, he owes us.
1247
01:23:46,772 --> 01:23:49,525
- Clark, you're scaring me.
- Don't be scared.
1248
01:23:49,691 --> 01:23:52,569
I just think somebody owes us
an explanation, that's all.
1249
01:23:52,736 --> 01:23:56,990
- Come on. Come on, come on.
- Clark, now just a minute.
1250
01:24:02,162 --> 01:24:03,747
[TIRES SCREECHING]
1251
01:24:03,914 --> 01:24:04,957
[ENGINE BACKFIRES]
1252
01:24:16,051 --> 01:24:18,554
Honey, you wanna check the mileage
for me, please?
1253
01:24:18,720 --> 01:24:21,348
- ELLEN: Where are you going?
- I'll be right back.
1254
01:24:21,515 --> 01:24:23,475
I'm just gonna get some sporting goods.
1255
01:24:23,642 --> 01:24:25,477
[HORNS HONKING]
1256
01:24:25,644 --> 01:24:27,604
CLARK:
Thank you, thank you.
1257
01:24:35,487 --> 01:24:37,447
ELLEN:
Clark, will you listen to me?
1258
01:24:37,614 --> 01:24:40,826
Let's just find a hotel. I'll call my parents,
they'll wire us money.
1259
01:24:40,993 --> 01:24:43,495
We can fly home and forget
this vacation ever happened.
1260
01:24:43,662 --> 01:24:47,165
Honey, relax. I told you I'm not angry
anymore. I'm in complete control.
1261
01:24:47,332 --> 01:24:50,168
I'm sure they're not repairing every ride
at the same time.
1262
01:24:50,335 --> 01:24:53,255
I think they owe us a little explanation
and a little fun, okay?
1263
01:24:53,422 --> 01:24:56,508
Whatever happens, just trust me.
Will you just trust me? Huh, kids?
1264
01:25:02,472 --> 01:25:06,143
Sorry, folks, park's closed.
The moose out front should have told you.
1265
01:25:06,310 --> 01:25:09,813
- Yes, we're here to see Mr. Roy Walley.
- What is your name, sir?
1266
01:25:09,980 --> 01:25:12,107
Clark W. Griswold.
1267
01:25:14,693 --> 01:25:16,320
What's this regarding, Mr. Gristle?
1268
01:25:16,486 --> 01:25:19,906
We're here, public relations--
Summer inspection.
1269
01:25:20,073 --> 01:25:22,326
- Personal matter. Inspection.
- Ah.
1270
01:25:25,704 --> 01:25:29,875
Well, nobody notified
this office of anything.
1271
01:25:30,042 --> 01:25:32,252
Well, I'm notifying you.
1272
01:25:32,419 --> 01:25:34,546
I'm afraid I'm gonna need
more than that, sir.
1273
01:25:34,713 --> 01:25:36,548
Okey-dokey. How's this?
1274
01:25:36,715 --> 01:25:38,175
[WHIMPERS]
1275
01:25:38,342 --> 01:25:41,678
Clark, have you lost your mind?
Where did you get that?
1276
01:25:41,845 --> 01:25:44,139
Sporting goods store.
You listen to me, fat ass.
1277
01:25:44,306 --> 01:25:46,558
Do what I say
and there won't be any problem, okay?
1278
01:25:46,725 --> 01:25:51,063
We just drove 2460 miles,
just for a little Roy Walley entertainment.
1279
01:25:51,229 --> 01:25:53,398
The moose says you're closed.
I say you're open.
1280
01:25:53,565 --> 01:25:56,026
We're not really violent people.
1281
01:25:56,193 --> 01:25:58,028
This is our first gun.
1282
01:25:58,195 --> 01:26:00,072
CLARK:
No, it isn't.
1283
01:26:00,530 --> 01:26:03,617
- What's going on here?
- You. Freeze. Freeze.
1284
01:26:03,784 --> 01:26:06,495
Sit! Sit, come on.
1285
01:26:06,662 --> 01:26:09,373
Lie down. Let's go, lie down.
1286
01:26:10,415 --> 01:26:11,875
Roll over.
1287
01:26:12,417 --> 01:26:13,835
Stay.
1288
01:26:15,587 --> 01:26:19,591
Okay. Okay. Let's ride.
Let's ride. Come on.
1289
01:26:19,758 --> 01:26:21,259
Stay.
1290
01:26:24,888 --> 01:26:28,100
Yee-hoo. This is scary, isn't it?
1291
01:26:28,266 --> 01:26:31,436
Make sure you keep your hands
on the handlebars at all times.
1292
01:26:31,603 --> 01:26:34,648
- We don't want any accidents.
- Is that a real gun, Mom?
1293
01:26:34,815 --> 01:26:38,402
I don't know, Rusty.
But when this is all over...
1294
01:26:38,568 --> 01:26:41,196
...your father may be going away
for a little while.
1295
01:26:41,363 --> 01:26:44,950
Boy, I sure am bushed.
Have you had enough yet, sir?
1296
01:26:45,117 --> 01:26:46,993
What do you mean, bushed?
1297
01:26:47,160 --> 01:26:48,954
Where are the big rides? The big ones?
1298
01:26:54,751 --> 01:26:57,212
Screamie Mimi! Let's go. Get in the front.
1299
01:26:57,379 --> 01:26:58,797
Come on.
1300
01:26:59,548 --> 01:27:00,799
Huh?
1301
01:27:02,884 --> 01:27:05,387
Has your father
ever killed anyone before?
1302
01:27:05,554 --> 01:27:08,348
Oh, just a dog. Oh, and my Aunt Edna.
1303
01:27:08,515 --> 01:27:11,852
- Hey. You can't prove that, Rusty.
- Ooh.
1304
01:27:13,854 --> 01:27:16,481
Rusty? May I call you Rusty?
1305
01:27:16,648 --> 01:27:19,401
I had a bad experience
on this ride once before.
1306
01:27:19,568 --> 01:27:20,986
What happened?
1307
01:27:21,153 --> 01:27:22,237
I threw up.
1308
01:27:28,326 --> 01:27:30,328
[WHIMPERING]
1309
01:27:37,836 --> 01:27:39,921
No, don't do that again.
1310
01:27:51,016 --> 01:27:52,017
[SCREAMING]
1311
01:28:36,019 --> 01:28:38,021
[SCREAMING]
1312
01:28:49,616 --> 01:28:51,618
[CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY
1313
01:29:17,352 --> 01:29:20,730
Goodie, goodie, goodie! The Loop-D-Loop.
Come on, get in there. Let's go.
1314
01:29:20,897 --> 01:29:23,108
- Please, don't push.
- Come on, Audrey.
1315
01:29:23,275 --> 01:29:25,360
Isn't this fun, honey? Come on.
1316
01:29:27,404 --> 01:29:29,823
That's not a real gun, is it, Clark?
1317
01:29:29,990 --> 01:29:32,075
What? Are you kidding?
This is a Magnum P.I.
1318
01:29:32,242 --> 01:29:33,827
It's a BB gun.
1319
01:29:33,994 --> 01:29:36,121
Don't try me. I could
put an eye out with this.
1320
01:29:36,288 --> 01:29:39,791
- You couldn't break the skin with that.
- It could. It could break the skin.
1321
01:29:39,958 --> 01:29:42,544
It could lodge under the skin
and cause a bad infection.
1322
01:29:42,711 --> 01:29:46,131
- That's an old wives' tale, Clark. I'm telling.
- You're not going--
1323
01:29:46,298 --> 01:29:48,466
- Ooh!
- Clark.
1324
01:29:48,633 --> 01:29:50,302
See, I told you. I warned you.
1325
01:29:50,468 --> 01:29:52,804
If you wrecked these pants,
you're paying for them.
1326
01:29:52,971 --> 01:29:55,849
Yeah, I'll pay for them.
You'll pay for them.
1327
01:29:56,558 --> 01:29:59,144
- LASKY: Why did you shoot me?
- CLARK: It's a BB gun. I told you.
1328
01:29:59,311 --> 01:30:00,937
- LASKY: Well it hurt.
- What do you want?
1329
01:30:01,104 --> 01:30:03,106
- Why'd you shoot me?
- You tried to run away.
1330
01:30:03,273 --> 01:30:05,400
- LASKY: I wasn't going anywhere.
- CLARK: I thought you were.
1331
01:30:05,567 --> 01:30:06,902
RUSTY:
This is great, Dad!
1332
01:30:10,405 --> 01:30:12,240
[SCREAMING]
1333
01:30:27,005 --> 01:30:28,965
[CLARK LAUGHING]
1334
01:30:40,477 --> 01:30:42,479
- Whoa.
- Ow!
1335
01:30:43,605 --> 01:30:45,148
[ALL SCREAMING]
1336
01:31:02,624 --> 01:31:04,626
[CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]
1337
01:31:08,213 --> 01:31:09,506
Freeze!
1338
01:31:13,134 --> 01:31:14,386
Don't shoot.
1339
01:31:15,303 --> 01:31:17,055
MAN:
You, out.
1340
01:31:17,222 --> 01:31:20,058
All right, hands behind your heads.
1341
01:31:20,225 --> 01:31:22,268
Spread your legs apart.
1342
01:31:22,435 --> 01:31:25,689
And up against the wall.
You two, over there.
1343
01:31:28,858 --> 01:31:31,653
- Just a BB gun.
- You're all under arrest.
1344
01:31:31,820 --> 01:31:33,905
You have the right to remain silent.
1345
01:31:34,072 --> 01:31:37,617
- If you give up the right to remain silent--
- Watch your hands, mister.
1346
01:31:37,784 --> 01:31:39,744
--in a court of law.
1347
01:31:44,207 --> 01:31:47,502
How many are there? A lot of them?
What, five? What, are they Arabs?
1348
01:31:47,669 --> 01:31:49,963
Whatever they want, pay them.
We'll pay them.
1349
01:31:50,130 --> 01:31:52,257
- What's going on?
- We've got it under control.
1350
01:31:52,424 --> 01:31:54,092
- These people are terrorists.
- Where?
1351
01:31:54,259 --> 01:31:55,468
- There.
- Them?
1352
01:31:55,635 --> 01:31:58,388
- LASKY: Hello, Mr. Walley.
- He treated me like a dog, Mr. Walley.
1353
01:31:58,555 --> 01:32:01,474
- He humiliated my human decency!
- What did he do with your dog?
1354
01:32:01,641 --> 01:32:04,602
He kidnapped me, but I wanna tell you,
I had a great time.
1355
01:32:04,769 --> 01:32:08,481
It's the most fantastic time I ever had.
I like where I was way up high--
1356
01:32:08,648 --> 01:32:10,984
I'm glad you liked it.
Now, what's happening?
1357
01:32:11,151 --> 01:32:12,777
- That's Roy Walley, honey.
- ELLEN: I know!
1358
01:32:12,944 --> 01:32:14,779
Mr. Walley, my name is Russ Lasky.
1359
01:32:14,946 --> 01:32:17,782
- I met you at the summer picnic last year.
- I don't remember.
1360
01:32:17,949 --> 01:32:20,368
- They kidnapped my men.
- I was the one who was sick.
1361
01:32:20,535 --> 01:32:23,621
Anyway, I went on all the rides,
and I didn't get sick this time.
1362
01:32:23,788 --> 01:32:26,541
- Normally, I get sick on all your rides--
- Quiet!
1363
01:32:28,460 --> 01:32:32,213
Uh-- Mr. Walley? Roy?
1364
01:32:32,714 --> 01:32:35,216
I think I can make some sense out of this.
1365
01:32:35,383 --> 01:32:37,635
Well, somebody better explain...
1366
01:32:37,802 --> 01:32:40,472
...or there'll be a lot of explaining to do.
1367
01:32:40,638 --> 01:32:43,433
- I'm Clark W. Griswold.
- Uh-huh.
1368
01:32:43,600 --> 01:32:46,227
And, oh, this is my wife, Ellen.
1369
01:32:46,394 --> 01:32:50,273
Hi. We're really big fans of yours.
We watch your show all the time.
1370
01:32:50,565 --> 01:32:53,109
- Oh.
- And my children, Audrey and Rusty.
1371
01:32:53,985 --> 01:32:56,071
- ROY: Nice family.
- Heh-heh.
1372
01:32:56,237 --> 01:32:57,572
CLARK:
Uh...
1373
01:32:58,156 --> 01:33:01,910
- We're from Chicago, Roy. The Windy City.
- Yes, I've been there many times.
1374
01:33:02,077 --> 01:33:07,165
We just spent two weeks of living hell
driving out here.
1375
01:33:07,665 --> 01:33:10,627
We lost a very dear member
of the family along the way.
1376
01:33:12,837 --> 01:33:14,339
But the important thing, Roy...
1377
01:33:14,506 --> 01:33:17,550
...is that we could've gone anywhere
we wanted to this summer.
1378
01:33:17,717 --> 01:33:19,302
Anywhere in the world.
1379
01:33:19,469 --> 01:33:21,262
But when I asked my kids...
1380
01:33:21,429 --> 01:33:25,850
And I said-- Kids, remember when I said,
"Where would you like to go this summer?"
1381
01:33:26,017 --> 01:33:27,852
- What did you say?
- Hawaii?
1382
01:33:28,019 --> 01:33:30,355
Shut up, Russ. Audrey, you remember?
1383
01:33:30,814 --> 01:33:33,024
Uh-- Walley World, Dad?
1384
01:33:33,191 --> 01:33:36,694
Walley World, Dad. Roy Walley World.
1385
01:33:37,070 --> 01:33:38,863
I don't imagine you have any children.
1386
01:33:39,030 --> 01:33:41,074
Are you kidding? I have seven.
1387
01:33:41,241 --> 01:33:43,743
I thought so.
Seven, did you hear that, honey?
1388
01:33:44,327 --> 01:33:46,037
You look so young.
1389
01:33:46,579 --> 01:33:48,790
- You do look very young.
- Oh? Well.
1390
01:33:48,957 --> 01:33:50,792
Did you ever drive them across country?
1391
01:33:50,959 --> 01:33:52,168
Oh, hell yes.
1392
01:33:52,335 --> 01:33:56,673
I took the whole clan to Florida one year.
The worst two weeks I ever had in my life.
1393
01:33:56,840 --> 01:33:59,801
The smell from the back seat
was unbearable. You know families.
1394
01:33:59,968 --> 01:34:02,554
I know that smell. I know that smell.
1395
01:34:02,720 --> 01:34:06,975
But, Roy, can you imagine
how your kids would've felt...
1396
01:34:07,142 --> 01:34:09,227
...if when you got to Florida,
it was closed?
1397
01:34:09,394 --> 01:34:10,770
Oh, they don't close Florida.
1398
01:34:10,937 --> 01:34:14,983
I know they don't close
the state of Florida. But, you know...
1399
01:34:15,150 --> 01:34:17,569
...when we got here,
to Roy Walley World...
1400
01:34:17,735 --> 01:34:19,904
...and it was closed down, Roy...
1401
01:34:20,071 --> 01:34:22,448
If you had seen the look
on my kids' faces...
1402
01:34:22,615 --> 01:34:25,910
- I just went a little haywire.
- You went a lot haywire, if you ask me.
1403
01:34:26,077 --> 01:34:28,913
Well, I'm very sorry, sir.
And I'm sorry to all these people.
1404
01:34:29,080 --> 01:34:31,291
I didn't mean any harm.
1405
01:34:31,457 --> 01:34:35,044
I just want you to ask yourself one thing.
If you were...
1406
01:34:35,587 --> 01:34:36,880
If you were me...
1407
01:34:37,046 --> 01:34:39,841
...wouldn't you do the same thing
for your children?
1408
01:34:40,008 --> 01:34:42,343
- No.
- MAN: We're all finished here, Mr. Walley.
1409
01:34:42,510 --> 01:34:45,138
You want me to take them downtown
and book them?
1410
01:34:45,388 --> 01:34:46,931
Um...
1411
01:34:48,933 --> 01:34:50,476
No. No.
1412
01:34:50,643 --> 01:34:53,062
Forget it, officer.
I'm not gonna press any charges.
1413
01:34:53,229 --> 01:34:55,315
[YELLS]
1414
01:34:57,609 --> 01:35:01,112
Walley. Good, huh?
What did I tell you? Did I say trust me?
1415
01:35:01,279 --> 01:35:02,947
Huh? Ha-ha-ha.
1416
01:35:04,324 --> 01:35:06,326
[ALL SCREAMING]
109091
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