Original subtitles

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What the hell are you doing?

I like American donuts better.

Hey, NYPD Blue,

have some poppy seed bagels, some traditional cheese pastry...

Act like a Romanian!

Romania is beautiful, be Romanian!

Look at those two deer.

Hop, hop, hop...

Hop, hop, hop...

What are you doing?

Hold it right there!

No sudden moves!

- I have a boyfriend. - Congratulations! I have a girlfriend.

- Really? What's her name? - Her name is Justice.

According to article 12 of 2014, you can be fined between 216 and 624 lei.

Because she has a boyfriend?

I can't even pay the fine with what I'm making out here.

- Stop talking! - Is this a joke to you?

You threw a cigarette butt on the ground, Miss.

Take it easy, bro, don't scare them off.

Give me a break, Petcu.

A flagrant violation of the law took place here.

Yes, a falg... flag...

A flagrant violation of the law.

You caught a cigarette butt!

Listen!

I'll circle the crime scene,

so that no one destroys the evidence.

Miss, come here, please.

I'll let you go in a minute, but I just need your phone number,

if we have any more questions... you know...

- I'll need... - I know.

- @Sorinapunbine69. - What's that?

My Instagram account. Like that's not what everyone wants.

- Three... - Ends in 0-3-7, right?

Yes, right. I have to go now.

Sure, just let me check this. Do you take me for an idiot?

Good evening...

A pizza place...

One second, please.

I also have Snap and... but I'm not on it that much, you know?

- I don't care if you have OnlyFans. - I have that, too.

You can't argue with the law. Your ID, please.

Petcu, hurry! To the car!

So we only get a warning, right?

Sure you do!

We'll be right back. You will get a fine. Let's go, Petcu!

Well, since I called, I'll have a pizza with everything on it.

The address?

We're about to chase someone.

I think we'll get them somewhere between Unirii Square and University.

Really... again with the sun glasses?

Can't you see that it's dark outside?

It's pitch dark!

Shut up and watch, so you don't miss a thing.

I'll clean up the scum in this city.

Officer, is there a problem?

Yes.... You were going 50 kmph over the limit...

Fifty kilometers per hour over...

Fifty kilometers over the legal...

Where the hell are those keys?

Turn it off. Press Space.

Wait...

Fifty kilometers over...

Are you sure you saw well, I mean, with the glasses on?

So, with whom do we have the honor?

I mean, I know that you are supposed to ID yourself.

Officer Denzel, on duty. Your ID, please.

- Is it G for "gross"? - Officially, I have one name.

Denzel.

Like Madonna, Jador, VanDamme, Bruce Lee, you know?

Do as I asked, please.

B... 69... JVS.

Shit!

Shit, we can't pull him over!

I like you.

I'll show you my ID, because you clearly haven't seen my plate number, OK?

OK... Fuck, I forgot about these!

Denzel! Let them go!

We apologize, it was a mistake!

No, it wasn't. What's with the money and what's the white powder in the bag?

Incense, man. Leave us the fuck alone!

Miss, you should watch your mouth!

- Really? - Take him, Bubu.

Law no. 14 of...

Miss, take it easy!

No sudden moves!

Don't do something you might regret...

I'll fucking hit you...

Miss, take it easy! Down!

Miss! Don't worry about it! Thank you so much!

Miss, that is so illegal... don't...

Petcu, call it in, put an APB on them!

Sure, right away! Right after you chew on my balls.

You want me to risk my career again for you?

Stop! In the name of the law! Pull...

I'll remember you! DB-zero...

Yeah, he's too far now.

Stop!

Down!

Look at him! You should be ashamed of yourself!

Everyone went crazy tonight!

Good evening, granny.

Tell granny what's wrong.

Praise the Lord!

I'm on a mission and I need your car.

God bless you, can you please get off?

Let me take something from the glove box.

Here! Take this.

And this.

My God... I thought witches flew on broomsticks,

not in Mercedes cars!

Here.

It's enough.

What? I can't protect the city on an empty stomach.

- Excuse me, Mr. Stănescu's office? - Straight ahead.

Thank you.

Hello.

Excuse me, Mr. Stănescu?

Thank you.

Excuse me, Mr. Stănescu?

Thank you.

Hello.

Who ordered the cafe latte with cinnamon and almond milk?

- I said toffee latte, bro. - Tof...

That chair you sit on is so sick!

- Where did you get it from? - From Ceaușescu's house.

You look good in it, like an emperor. I want one, too.

There's another one in the evidence room. I took his entire bedroom.

It's heavy! Help me carry it.

Can't you see I'm doing my nails?

Right, I'm sorry.

- Dinu! - Fuck off, I'm busy.

Doing what? Swiping on Tinder, doing crosswords...

Did you hear another gambling house was robbed?

It's the third or fourth this month.

Why do you fucking care?

They only got a few thousands of euros.

Smart guys.

Not like us, working our asses off.

- They haven't reported it. - Is that so? What would you have done?

Give them a fine for seat belt?

You, Walker, Fatso Ranger!

How hard is it to catch some idiots who steal from gambling houses?

I don't understand why no one reacts!

We can't all be defenders of justice like you are.

Here's an idea, why don't you ask he chief to let you handle it?

Really?

Yeah, man, you're perfect for this.

Think about what Bruce Willis would have done!

Right.

I could be...

Hard to kill, like he was in Die Hard.

More like hard to weigh.

Forget it!

The boss wants to see you.

Right on time! You should ask him.

You stupid fuck...

Can't you see they're messing with you?

Who asked you, Queen Frigid?

- Hey! - What?

It's OK, Oli, we're just fooling around, being boys.

Go see the chief.

OK. Please behave, or they will cut your salary again.

Promise you'll be calm?

- Of course. - Good.

Oh, Olița! Your salary!

You won't have enough money to buy things if you misbehave!

Well, I'm not canceling my orders,

so...

I'll eat pretzels all week.

Hey, watch the hair, be careful, please. You should stay away.

You're banned, stay away from me!

Yes!

Chief, you wanted to see me?

What the hell did you do last night?

- My duty. - What duty?

I have duties!

A lot of them!

- Chief, listen to me. - No! You listen to me!

This is not Lethal Weapon or whatever shitty movie you're watching!

This is Traffic Police!

Your duty is to sit in the bushes and fine the losers!

You don't bother the smart guys!

You told us not to pull over any car under 50.000 euros.

That one was way over that.

Nothing under 50.000

or over 100.000,

because those are the big guys!

You take the ones in between!

Another gambling house was robbed last night.

The ones we pulled over were speeding,

they had a lot of money on them

and a plastic bag with some white powder.

And, what do you think that was?

Well,

I think it's pretty obvious.

They are taking creatine monohydrate and then they rob gambling houses.

The creatine shakes them up, especially during the bulking phase,

and if it's monohybrid, know what I mean?

- Sit your ass down. - OK.

You're an idiot!

Petcu, shut the fuck up, you stupid rat!

Chief... he plays all day long on that...

I'm sending emails!

Hey, Paw Patrol, do you know who you pulled over?

- Avramescu's son! - I told him.

The senator who is richer than God!

Use your brain!

Why would her son rob a gambling house?

He spends more than that on condoms if you count all the models he fucks!

Wake the hell up!

They slashed my tires and you're yelling at me.

- Good. - Well...

What did you expect, when you mess with the big shots?

Where are you looking?

Even your dad, as stupid as he was,

understood these things, and he'd mind his own business!

Dad was a worse cop than I am.

You're not a cop!

You're a chalk-head from Traffic Police!

And, if you continue to get on my nerves, I'll have you guard park benches!

If you as much as sneeze towards the wrong person,

you'll wash toilets with a toothbrush!

Your toothbrush, or...?

Chief, he's here.

Bring him in!

Wait.

What do you think?

Wow, that's amazing, chief!

You should have been a painter... Brâncuși, something...

Thanks, get out.

And tell those idiots to keep it down,

we're not doing TikToks in here!

Hey, wake up!

Forget about it, I've tried, she's hard to get.

Come, the chief is expecting you.

No one wants to work with you.

You drive everyone crazy!

You're lucky with this new guy and I hope he doesn't know that you're an idiot.

That would be hard.

Shut the fuck up, you...

- Sit down... - You son of a...

Am I interrupting?

What are you doing, you moron? Stop that!

Hey!

He's your new partner, Aurel!

We apologize.

It's OK. I was expecting racism, but not in the first five seconds.

This might be a new record.

So, these two fine officers

are Petcu and Denzel.

They just got divorced.

And, by the power invested in me by the holly legislation,

I declare you partners.

Now get out, I'm busy.

What the hell is that noise?

- Ouch, mommy! - Oli!

- Denzel and... - Aurel.

The new guy. Congratulations, you're going on a special mission.

Hey!

He always assigns you to do parking tickets when you mess up?

Yes, we're the only ones doing it.

That's why there are so many badly parked cars in this town.

- You couldn't shut up, could you? - You're the one to talk?

You were giving Seba a colonoscopy with the stapler when the chief came in.

- Of course I was. He made a comment. - What? He made a small remark!

He has some really bad jokes, the wanker! Leave me alone!

What's this? You can't fine me for two minutes over.

Come on, boss, look where you're parked!

Honey, would you like a photo with my car?

Oh, no... let's just take a walk, or we'll get blood on us.

Yeah...

She bit me! Police bruscality!

It's best if you don't look

Is it me or does Oli have anger management issues?

Help!

She's been better since the pills.

She's stressed because her brother keeps getting himself into trouble.

- You know how teenagers are. - Yes...

What does her boyfriend say about this?

Oli, boyfriend? Who could like that face?

Plus, we don't have time for relationships and feelings and attachments...

We are lone wolves...

who band together.

Give me your hand.

- What? - Give me your hand.

Welcome to my secret team.

We've known each other for five minutes.

I know, but we're short of people.

For months, I've been running an operation to catch the gambling house robbers.

I thought we were Traffic Police.

We're the Traffic Police on paper.

Only on paper, kid.

And how many are there in the gang?

Gang? Man, you make it sound like we're a bunch of losers.

- We're a clique. - Right, a clique. How many are in it?

Well, it's me, I don't know if you noticed.

Then, that ugly-face Oli... and that's about it.

Hey! Please, show some respect for the elders!

Anything for the citizens.

- I didn't want to cross the street. - You're welcome, granny, you're welcome.

Technically, we're doing the work that the corrupt officers should be doing.

If we caught these fucking robbers,

if we showed them that these things won't go unpunished,

then, the honest cops would have the courage to take action.

You know how it is.

It's always hard until the ball starts rolling up the hill.

Here you go, kid.

- Thanks? - Sure thing.

Well, yes, but...

Welcome to The Action Clique.

I hope you're ready to fight injustice,

even if that means endangering your life.

And the lives of your loved ones.

Well, your entire gynecological tree is in danger right now.

Let's go.

The city.

Yes?

The city...?

Nothing, I was just observing.

And how will we fight injustice?

Patience, young Pataiwan, everything in due time.

Have you ever seen a gun?

Yes, I went to the Academy, like you did.

Look at this.

What the hell is that?

My gun.

Temporarily, until I'll be allowed to have a real one.

What happened?

I failed the psychological test.

And I studied all night for it.

Man, that's a dildo.

It looks like a dildo?

- That's what it looks like, a dildo? - Stop it...

You like it. Well, if I put it here...

Sure...

- That's different. - Right?

Sure, it looks like a real gun now.

OK.

The shit is about to go down.

What happened?

We waited for the shift change at the gambling house.

- What gambling house? - Where the robbery took place.

We're investigating the crime scene.

We're allowed to do that?

I have to play dirty if I want to catch the bad guys.

- We'll pretend to be detectives. - We have commissioners, not detectives.

You get seven years for impersonating one.

Well?

You look like a pedophile.

- Like a regular one or a detective one? - You look like you're naked under that.

I am, because it's freaking hot with this raincoat on.

But this is the perfect disguise, believe me.

If you say so...

Why did we have to wait for the shift change?

Because a woman works this shift.

And... obviously...

What?

I'll get all the intel from her using my charms.

Of course, I'm the idiot.

But you still look like you're about to flash people off at the subway.

- I want to talk to the manager. - Wait in line!

This is the police,

please, do not obstruct an ongoing investigation.

Children are not allowed in gambling houses.

- Where does it say that? - Where... It's in the law. Law no. 14 of...

Come on, please, we don't have time for this.

Wait for me outside, please.

I'm watching you.

- What? Fingerprints? - No. Good stakes for CFR versus FCSB.

I was joking.

There might be like 1000 people in here every day, fingerprints won't help!

- Good afternoon. - Good afternoon.

You came to stake five lei on 45 football games again?

Actually, we're policemen.

Agent Chelsea. FC.

And this is my partner, Keyboard, Stool III.

- I need you to help me... - Can I see that again?

- It's OK, you saw it. - Really?

If you don't show me the ID, I'll have to ask you to leave.

Better?

This is urgent, they are getting away. Please, we don't have time for this!

I didn't know we have FBI in Romania.

I bought it, I thought it was cool, but, we really are the police.

- Goodbye. - Wait a second.

Here, this is a real police ID.

A badge, like a loser.

Your "Federal Bikini Inspector" badge is so much better!

- I'm surprised they sent someone. - Thank you.

When there's a robbery, the police handles it over the phone,

they don't come over anymore.

Miss, I want you to know

that we still have professional policemen, like the two of us.

By the way, are you a Capricorn?

Could I check the surveillance footage, please?

Sure, this way, please.

Right! I wanted to suggest that! Good!

Gemini! Perfect sync, like a Gemini!

Cancer! Unicorn! Capricorn! Popcorn!

Virgo, just like me.

Here.

There were two...

They wore masks.

Stop.

Zoom in. Zoom on the feet and...

What the hell are you doing? Wait...

I could, but the image will get blurry.

Maybe if I up-scale it, I could use a sharpen stress mask.

Let me log onto Creative Cloud.

For Romanian, press three...

Nerd!

Listen, when we get back, can you please help me

erase my computer's history... I have some stuff in there...

OK, can we talk about this later, please?

Grannies with cocks...

Cream pie, but, it's not a pie or a cream...

- It's " cream pie". - Are you done?

Yes.

- I think I might have a problem. - I'm sorry for...

I have a problem with porn, that's what I...

I got it.

All done.

Troy Jones Mamba Edition.

Trust me, I am obsessed with sneakers. I've been collecting them since childhood.

These are custom made.

I haven't seen this series before.

OK.

We're done. Thank you.

- How sure are you about those sneakers? - Very. And I think I have a good lead.

I'll explain later. How about a shawarma?

- I'm kind of busy... - Oli will probably be there.

But I think I can make it.

I'll let you know where we'll meet. I need to check something first.

OK.

Are you OK, little guy?

Does your dad take you with him often? Do you want to come with me?

Do you want to see the inside of a van?

What's wrong?

Take your hand off of him! Leave him alone, you animal!

- What? - What do you want?

- What are you doing? - I was playing with him.

Beast!

I invited him into the van to play with the handcuffs!

What? You want to get him into the van to play with the handcuffs!

- Of course! We have... - What handcuffs?

- Be careful! - Get out of here!

- Be careful how you talk to me! - I'll call the police!

- The police? I am the police! - What? You're not the police!

Ma'am, calm down!

If I wasn't the police, would I have this? Oh my!

Get out of here, you pervert, burn in hell!

Get out of here!

Hello.

Hey.

You've put your best gym suit on?

Denzel said we're having shawarma.

He didn't mention a restaurant.

He calls everything a shawarma.

Sit down, people are staring.

I didn't know he can afford this.

He can't. It's weird that he called us here.

Yes, I don't get it either.

- I'm not that hungry. - Too many numbers?

How was working with Denzel?

Interesting. I'm just trying to get used to this.

Denzel is a good guy.

He is a little weird...

well, a lot.

Actually, he's the weirdest guy I know.

The divorce got to him in a big way.

He was married? To a living being?

No, not his divorce.

Yes, his parents. It's hard when parents break up.

- What? - What?

No! Prodanca and Reghe's divorce.

He was devastated about it.

So...

why did you become a cop?

Meaning? Should I have been a housewife or influencer?

No, it's cool that you're doing this.

I want to make the world a better place.

Especially for my younger brother.

Speaking of, is he OK?

Denzel told me he's having some problems.

Really? He's telling you about others,

but did he tell you about what a great cop his dad was?

We'll spend this magical evening together.

Denzel?

What the hell are you doing with this lame accent?

- I'm undercover. - You look like D'Artagnan!

- You're getting me into your shit again? - Don't look now.

Hey! Turn... I literally just said don't look.

This is why you called us? The chief told us to leave him alone.

I am. What am I doing?

I just want to take his phone for a bit, to take a look, what's the big deal?

- What? - Wait a second!

- What's going on, who are those? - I think they are the robbers.

- I want to link them with the crime. - To link... what?

Aurel, my man...

- How good is your singing? - What do you mean?

I'm sorry, but I need a diversion.

What?

Wait...

- Good evening! - What the hell are you doing?

We have a surprise for you on this lovely evening!

Something really special!

I give you the new Romanian-Balkan folk star...

Puma...

from Nuba!

Hit it!

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

And young ladies.

Fuck...

We invite you to the dance floor

on this beautiful night to enjoy.

- Aurel! - We are glad...

Aurel, you know what they want.

No. What makes you think that I know?

OK, then do it for me.

Please.

OK, put an echo to it.

You don't have permission to sing.

It's OK, we're with the big boss, we're splitting it 50-50 at the end.

- With whom? - The big boss! 50-50 at the end!

Get up.

I am getting up, because I'm leaving. Stop getting me into your shit.

No! I'm not getting you into shit!

- Turn around and split your legs. - What?

What are you doing?

Denzel!

Our favorite customers! How are you?

On the house.

Let's go!

OK! That's enough!

In case you didn't notice, we're the police.

In the name of the law...

Right in the nose!

You blew up my eardrums!

Hold him, or I'll...

Whoever hits me next...

his mom is a slut.

You're with him?

We'll spend this magical evening together.

It really does sound embarrassing.

He's the singer!

- Really? - Yes. Nice, man!

- Let's take a selfie. - Sure, why not?

I'm good, by the way.

I got them exactly where I wanted...

Since I'm down here, would you like me...

- Shut up and wipe! - I thought so!

I've never been more humiliated!

- I hope you learned your lesson! - Don't push it, fatty.

Man, you should see a therapist. You have a lot of anger inside you!

Watch where you're going, idiot!

I'm sorry.

Really now, watch where you're going. Fuck!

You touched her boob, I saw you!

I wanted to, as well, but I got busy with stuff...

No, I just... took this.

Good! Just as important.

Yeah, great. Grand theft.

I've just added one to five years to the sentence.

Stop with that fucking phone!

Oli! Please!

I'll recommend you for a medal if we solve this case!

All this cardio made me so hungry,

I wonder what...

Hey, listen...

She knows! Hurry, to the car!

- Do you think they'll find us in here? - No. This is perfect.

That one?

No! That one is abandoned. Check in there.

They can't afford these.

Start the car slowly and let's get out of here.

Slowly, OK? Don't...

I told you to fix that shitty exhaust pipe,

fuck your Tokyo Drift, fat and furious rally dreaming...

It's cool, OK?

The ladies on Magheru Boulevard find this noise really seductive!

I told you they were in there!

Denzel!

- Denzel! - No!

Stop being so scared, I've done this before...

in video games.

Oli, take a picture! Take a picture to upload it on Hi5.

What do you want?

- Get out of the away! - What the hell is wrong with you?

Get in there, before I hurt you!

- Down! - What are you doing?

Denzel!

Traffic is so bad in Bucharest, people started riding on two wheels!

Stop screaming, this is fun!

Wanker!

- Fucking idiots! - Get out of the away!

- Denzel! God, what am I doing? - No!

- That's awesome! - Denzel!

Denzel!

Watch out!

- Hey! - Look at him!

We're safe, what's wrong with you?

Denzel!

- Take this! - No!

- Watch out! - I can't believe it!

- Watch out! - Isn't it cool?

Yes, super cool, watch the fucking road!

Stupid pot holes!

Can't I just have a normal car chase in this town?

Download the data!

Connect to the mainframe! Triangulate, do something technological!

This is not the fucking Matrix!

- Look what I found in the phone case. - That creatine again!

Sure, or cocaine! Why would he have creatine?

Hide it.

Drive faster!

- Stop it, can't you see that... - Drive faster!

- I can't believe I'm in a chase! - Watch the road!

Don't hit her or she'll kick our asses!

Great, now we also have possession of illegal substances

and we broke all the traffic rules.

- That's an extra two years. - Stop with that already!

- What? - What are you doing?

It's an emergency.

- Denzel! - If you don't pick up that cigarette butt,

I will destroy you!

- Don't... - Leave him alone! Leave him!

Denzel! Where are you going?

This city is just an ashtray to you?

Denzel, they're coming! Let's go!

Hurry, they're coming!

- What? That was important. - Leave that fucking cigarette!

Step on it!

Calm down! Stop it, or we'll hit the wall!

Where the hell are you taking us, Denzel?

We'll get rid of them in here!

- Look at this girl! - She's a bad ass!

Hit her with the door!

Hey, this is vintage!

- Fuck me... - Did someone ask for American donuts?

- What? - What?

What are you doing...

- Denzel! - Denzel, fuck!

- Fuck me, Denzel! - Hey!

- She's down! - She's down!

She broke her fucking pussy!

Go! We can lose them. Go...

- Go! - Fuck me!

Don't move. We're fucked.

- We're fucked. - Don't move, maybe they won't see us.

Ouch!

Wait, don't break the window!

- Give her the phone! - I'm not giving her anything.

I've worked hard to get that phone, I'm not giving her anything!

Give her the phone, we're exaggerating...

We're... fooling around...

Thank you.

You're welcome.

OK.

I hope her blood tests are in order.

OK. So? Do you want to come over... for a beer and a PS3 game?

If you think that after all this...

My dad is sleeping.

You live with your dad? I thought you were joking.

Well, he's living with me, if we're being honest.

But don't worry, he's super cool.

He used to be a policeman in our department, believe it or not.

Really? I didn't know that.

That is why you became a policeman?

Yes.

But that's not important.

All my childhood heroes were defenders of justice.

Good evening, son.

How's daddy's teddy bear and his plump cheeks?

- Did you get your period? - Ouch! No... What?

- She beat you up. - Who? No, she didn't.

- She beat you up. - Another woman... beat me up. Irrelevant.

I told you, boy,

these women are bad, remember that.

Good evening.

Dad, calm down.

Dad, put the gun... God! No!

- It's a joke. - Who's he?

He's my partner, Aurel. My partner!

Is this how they make you dress now? Gym suits...

And the mustache and all?

Wow!

Now I get it.

You took a lot more from your dad, not just the baldness.

Where is the toilet?

Toilet? Outside, on the left, turn right.

Thank you.

- I can kill him. - Dad... stop... he's a guest, come on.

OK. We'll go live soon, that's why I came.

- No, not tonight. - It's not optional!

If your dad says we're going live, then we're going live. I'll hit you, too.

- Get dressed. - Fine.

Shoot me, God.

Good evening, slicks, and welcome to...

Garcea Self Defense Academy Vlog.

Many of you asked me what's my routine to disarm a villain.

It's easy, that's why I brought my son Denzel.

Denzel, the gun, please.

It's safe, right?

Yes, it's safe...

What the fuck...

Hey, kids are watching!

It's safe...

Now it's safe, yes.

Let's say that Denzel is the villain, walking,

and we're just walking on the street.

Please, do it. Please.

- Stop. Give me your money. - Come closer.

Stop. The money.

- Closer, so I can reach the gun. - The money!

OK. When there is an appropriate distance between you,

you slide the hand into the right pocket,

to distract him, and say:

"Let me get my wallet."

Stupid child!

We'll talk later.

Denzel only got to shoot me like, four times, tops,

three times, two times...

And now I have the gun, just as we were trying to show you.

Don't forget that there will be a second part of the vlog,

where Denzel will be in self-defense.

He will fight with my assistant, Jimmy.

Jimmy!

Come here!

Hurry up!

You'll fight Jimmy, OK?

- I'm not in the mood. - Say what?

- I'm not in the mood. - You're not in the mo... are you scared?

- Of course you're scared. - Give me a break.

Jimmy, please, get into position.

And... attack, eat him up!

Bite him! Him, not you!

Bite him!

Jimmy... No!

So, everything is fine here,

these are just some strong images with emotional impact

that kids shouldn't see,

so, please

hit that Like button, so that our channel grows.

Garcea out.

Are you sure that you don't want something to eat?

No, thank you.

- Maybe something to drink? - No, thank you. No.

Listen, before you leave...

I want to apologize for some of the racist jokes I've made.

- And that you almost shot me. - Oh no, not for that.

A joke can be deadlier these days

than shooting a man, but...

I'm just happy that my son

found a friend to bring home,

because he was a lonely child...

and he grew up way too fast.

I don't know when he turned 39.

And...

since his mother is no longer with us...

I didn't know, I'm sorry.

Yes, ever since she moved to Corbeanca, it's been really tough.

It's hard to grow up without a mother.

He can barely see her once a week, tops.

It's an hour drive to Corbeanca, you know, waiting in line at Otopeni.

I had to raise him on my own.

I was out on missions, and he had the TV on,

or some videotape and he used to watch that.

He found his heroes in there and...

That's about it, I'm tired.

Good night, it was a pleasure.

- The gate is open... - Thank you.

The dogs are loose, all six of them.

They're crazy, patrolling... you can go now. Bye.

I dreamt about this all year long To break your face with...

Good morning!

Look what daddy made for you, sweet ass-cheeks...

Pancakes shaped like a gun,

the way you like them, to bite the trigger.

- Any special occasion? - Just to make you feel better.

This is how it's done... Watch this!

- You're having problems at work? - Oli is the biggest rat I've seen.

Son...

What did I tell you?

Why did you become a cop? To catch the bad guys?

You became a cop for two reasons.

One. To have a big paycheck.

And two, to have a big pension.

So now you feel sorry for the gambling houses?

What does it matter whether they're gambling houses, churches or banks?

Since when is theft legal?

My sweet boy, is the law coming out through your pores?

Do you want to be the department's black sheep?

Find something to do in there, get a nap behind a copy machine or something.

Do you want to end up with a bullet in you?

What? You'd want me to be like you?

What do you mean?

A second-hand cop who always played it safe.

And now you're a vlogger.

You're lucky no one got hurt.

You know I always take safety measures.

- Sure. Garcea protects us all. - Exactly.

- What do we have here? - What?

Garcea's big police baton. Let's take a bow!

Please don't touch Cristinel.

No, how could I? I'm not worthy of it.

- It's holier than Thor's hammer! - Settle down.

Don't worry, dad, I don't want to be like you,

the department's laughing stock.

Did you know they're still making fun of you?

- Good. - I'm lucky that I'm nothing like you.

You're nothing like me?

- Not one bit. - Really?

- Not at all. - You're nothing like me.

Nothing.

Nothing like me.

Nothing like me.

You're a hard worker.

I was just like you,

Mr. Aurel.

Do you like it here?

I do. Today I'll be scolded for the first time.

Let me give you a piece of advice.

Stop hanging out with Denzel,

or you'll end up in shit up to your neck.

Hang with the smart guys. Stay close to us...

And you'll have it good in here.

Here's my number

and, when you feel like it, we can have a chat, or go to a salon,

maybe we'll do some wraps or something...

But we have to talk first,

because we have this ritual,

I don't know how it will work with an extra guy.

He's not interested, we're busy. Come on!

Yeah, the whole department knows about how busy you are.

They will cut off our benefits if you keep messing around with the wrong guys.

I don't care about your benefits.

Seba won't have enough money to buy false eyelashes?

Hey, I have eyelash alopecia!

I told you that this is a super rare disease and...

it hurts to even talk about it.

Hey! Leave Seba alone, OK?

He has alopecia and it hurts to even talk about it!

And there's a Mr. Smart looking for you,

tell him to stop calling.

Looking for me?

Smart who?

Smart, who likes to give it to you hard!

Boom!

Good one!

- What do you mean? - It was a joke, moron.

Hey!

For real now, Mr. Trout was looking for you.

- For real? - For real.

- OK, who's Mr. Trout? - The one who puts it in your mouth!

- So good! - Good afternoon.

I think I got the hang of it.

We're making fun and all. I can do this.

- Hey, chief! - Hey!

Fuck!

Mr. Nicholas was looking for you.

What was that?

Mr. Nicholas was looking for you.

If this is a joke, you're dead.

Why would I joke with you, chief? No.

Mr. Nicholas was looking for you.

- Nicholas who? - Who fucks you in the mouth!

- Give me that report... - Now...

- ...so we can start... - Yes. I'll look for it.

- Right away. - We don't want to lose...

- This one, right? - Yes.

Aurel!

You got what you deserve, if you can't control yourself.

Control myself! You're lucky that Vlad Casino set a limit on your account,

otherwise you would have already wasted your pension on it!

I wouldn't have, loser, because I took a break.

I'm playing Sudoku now.

For how long? Two days?

No, because if you take a break, they restrict you

and you lose access to your account.

It's irreversible.

You're lucky they're nice guys.

And since when do you say "irreversible"?

Since I met your mother.

By the way, I left a floating spring roll in the other stall.

After you eat it, go see the chief,

he's waiting for you along with the other losers, OK?

Scrub it good!

I'm starting to think that you're pulling my leg.

So they retire me because of my gastritis.

Denzel!

What did I say?

To leave Junior alone.

- What was that? - To leave Junior alone.

- What? - To leave Junior alone!

Good! So you're not deaf!

And what did you do?

You went after him to the restaurant?

And you disturbed him!

- It was just a coincidence, chief. - Sure, you just happened to be there.

Just going for a boat ride on the lake.

You know what you have to do, right?

What are you doing? You're tearing up your clothes... Are you insane?

Take that fake ID.

What's this?

You're sick.

First thing tomorrow, you're expected in Avramescu's office.

You'll go there, you'll apologize

and maybe you'll get to keep your jobs.

Chief, you want us to go there and behave like slaves?

Yes, because you are slaves!

Everyone in the police is beneath her! If you don't like it, move!

I want you to come back to me and tell me that everything went well.

Get out of here!

Hang on a minute, rookie.

Who fucks you with a cookie!

Now I get... not the time... no.

When I've paired you with...

this idiot,

I thought that you'll influence him, not the other way around.

How is it possible to lose it that fast

and get into all his shit?

I'm sorry, it won't happen again.

You have until Monday to decide if you want to stay here.

I suggest that you start bonding with the other cops. Denzel...

is a lost cause!

I keep him around because his dad helped me out.

But he'll get fired! I can't stand him anymore!

Now get out of here!

And if she's making you kneel, you kneel!

Understood.

I'm not going there.

Maybe we can say that we couldn't find the place,

or something, you know?

Yes. I say that we skip it

and when he asks, we just say that...

What the hell are you doing?

Is this a joke to you?

Do you have any idea how hard I've worked to get here?

To be a fucking traffic cop!

Do you have any idea how much garbage I had to take to get here?

You want me to lose everything just because you're playing detective?

You got me into this shit,

so you get me out of this shit and then everyone can go their own way.

Please.

You're right.

You were involved in this...

- Yes... - ...by some people.

It won't happen again.

Especially because I hate seeing you turning black from so much anger.

Enough! Even if you're joking, it's still racism.

Fuck this shit!

OK, I'm sorry.

I grew up in a different time

and I've been completely ignorant of the actual social climate.

You have my word that I won't make any more jokes about...

Come on!

Yo, man!

Look at my pussy!

Wash your dick!

Why did you go to school?

Salami!

You're something...

I'm happy we're back on a more positive note.

Now, shove that cocaine up your ass, because we might need it later.

- You're pushing it. - I thought so.

I'll take it to the evidence room.

Does anyone know where that is? I've never been there.

You're useless!

What the...

I fucking told you to lock the door.

Sorry, bro. I was waiting on Dorina to wax me.

- I was looking for the evidence room. - Well... you found it.

- Have you been working out? - No.

Denzi... Take a seat, hang with us.

- Denzel. - Yeah, sure. Whatever you say.

- Hello. - How are you? You're OK?

So... listen...

What you see here should stay between us, OK?

You know, we can make you one of us if...

Yes, but I don't know if there's room for one more, because...

- Basically, you'll ruin the balance. - It's OK, I already have a clique.

This doesn't seem very legal.

What's that?

- Coca... - Vitamin C.

Yes, bro, vitamin C.

We crash it and inhale it for energy, to catch the bad guys.

Boom-boom, we got the thief, boom-boom!

- Shouldn't you swallow it? - Only losers do that.

Try it! I'll make a little pile...

Big pile...

Actually, I do feel kind of tired and I still have a lot of things to do,

I didn't even have time to jerk it today.

He knows what I'm talking about.

Really?

- Use this to shoot it... - Like a gun.

Yes, more like a machine gun after this!

Listen, Denzi... you press on one nostril...

Yes...

No, bro, press it.

No... Fuck... press.

And on the other nostril suck this baby on,

like a diabetic... like it's insulin...

Denzi, get well...

Hit it...

How does it feel?

I felt it instantly!

It hit you hard...

I've been living a lie! That's how you take vitamin C?

I can't believe it!

I don't want to lie, I feel a bit agitated!

- Is it normal not to feel your teeth? - It is...

The jaw wanders off...

OK.

- Give it to him! - This is rolled up tea.

- Rolled up tea. Good. - Hit it!

Hold it in...

- Hold it! - Hold it!

Yes!

Shake it... Yes...

Tea!

Can you believe it? I used to boil it! I'm so stupid!

- You are so stupid, Denzel! - I am stupid.

- You're the biggest idiot! - I've been told that. I didn't believe it.

- Take this blue pill. - What for?

It's good for you...

- What's this? - Take it!

Yes!

- Whiskey? - No, it's water, you're just tired.

Drink it!

What are you doing?

Hey!

- So, how was it? - Pay attention.

Show me again.

This will cut off the blood flow, OK?

- Tight. - Yes, tight.

Stop playing, be professionals!

We have to be careful around people like Avramescu

or they’ll walk all over us.

We are the police, after all.

Let's act like it.

Look at his face!

Sit down.

Sit down.

I'll sit because I want to. Stupid gangster wanna be.

Good afternoon.

Let's do this fast,

we have more important things to do.

Good afternoon.

Wow, mommy!

I apologize for the mess, we are under construction,

I hope it's not a problem.

Don't worry, please, we apologize

for disturbing you with this nonsense.

If you need any help around here, cleaning up,

I still have some days off that I can use

or I can take a sick leave.

Thank you. I know that you were, probably, expecting a luxurious office,

but I like to keep an eye on the workers.

This way, things move faster

and I don't mind getting my hands dirty.

Be careful.

Thank you.

- Ouch! - Thank you.

That's what I like about you.

This is a woman who did it all on her own and succeeded.

Not like you two losers. You make me sick.

We can all learn from her.

Tell me what you think.

It's not easy to build an empire

and be a good cook, that's why I'm taking online classes.

How is it?

Great!

Is there anything you can't do?

So they're tasty.

But you're not here for the food.

From what I understand, there's been a misunderstanding concerning my son?

- I think we should work this out. - What misunderstanding?

These losers have nothing better to do than to fuck around with me!

- Junior, language, please. - But, mom, you know...

Junior, your mother and I are very disappointed in you!

Ma'am, we're in this situation because these idiots

wanted to disturb you.

I am here to apologize on their behalf and to say that it's a misunderstanding.

What's the misunderstanding?

That these losers think that I robbed a gambling house...

I told you to watch your mouth!

So, officers.

Is this true?

- You think that my son is a thief? - Initially, that's what we thought.

- Obviously, we were wrong, we apologize. - How can you think that?

The building that we are in right now costs 32 million euros.

You think he'd steal a few thousands?

This is the logic they teach you at the commissary school?

- We're the Traffic Police. - Shut up.

I knew that, of course. I was being sarcastic.

Let the real police investigate this and do their job

and let's make peace, once and for all.

Of course. Thank you for having us.

Thank you.

You should know that I'm always in search of talented people to work with.

- Thanks. - Let's go.

Let's go!

What you promised when you got out of rehab?

Please, don't interrupt me when we have guests.

At least now we know why Junior is messed up.

To hit your child like that...

Yes.

The weirdest erection I ever had.

What's this?

- I... forgot to take it. - I'll hold it.

Drop me off in Pipera, I'm meeting my brother.

I'm starving and this traffic is killing me!

Why did you turn on the siren, is there an emergency?

Yes, if I don't eat something, I'm going to faint!

Using a siren without a reason.

Move!

We'll only be fined for this, we're not getting jail time.

Emergency lane.

Move!

There's a pastry shop.

Let me put a strudel in you.

Can you please not say that?

This one is on me, partner.

OK.

Look at what they invented now! Cheese snail.

Is it a real snail?

How much for a kilo of pastry?

Aren't those the sneakers we saw on the surveillance video?

Yes.

- Pastry with... - Are you 100% sure?

Yes, I told you that they're unique!

Are you stupid? That's the thief, let's get him!

Sir! The one with the hoodie! Did you pull a heist last night?

Real subtle!

- In the name of the law, stop! - Listen to you!

This is the police!

Go get him! I'm right behind you!

I'm coming! Take him!

You don't have to call 911, it's OK.

- What's going on? - Nothing.

- What place is this? - One Tower.

One Tower. Really nice. What's the price per square meter?

- Should I call security? - There's no need.

Everything is fine. I am the security!

Can you please buzz me in?

OK.

This building is 18 floors high, right?

Good thing it's legal or I wouldn't have come inside it.

What perfume is that?

Is it new?

Mine is great.

It has pheromones.

You don't have to wash for days after you spray it on.

Add me on Facebook.

- No. It's OK. - What are you doing?

- I know where to find him. - What do you mean?

He's Oli's brother.

Hello?

- You knew your brother is involved? - What?!

I saw the surveillance footage. Tell me if you knew, don't lie to me.

- It's complicated. - I can't believe you knew!

After all I did for you, really?

Please, if you give me a minute, I can explain and you'll understand.

No, we're done. Send me back the CDs by courier.

Are you nervous?

No, it's just my first MMA fight.

Don't worry, I told Dinu to go easy on you.

Okay.

- Fuck me! - Listen!

Denzel mentioned anything about taking some vitamin C with us or...?

- What? - Vitamin C.

No.

Ouch!

But he just found out who the robber is.

Wow, inspector Gadget, really?

The whole department knows who did it!

- What? - Vitamin C.

What do you mean?

I mean that everyone knows that Avramescu's son did it.

No, it's someone else.

Yes, Oli's brother.

Him, Junior and that biker chick, the crazy one!

- The beauty. - That stinky Bubu.

Wait a second...

You knew who did it and you didn't do anything about it?

We can't arrest them. We're like a big family in this town.

The only one we can arrest is Oli's brother,

but, since Junior is involved, we let them both go.

And why do you care about the gambling houses?

Do you know how much money they make?

What does it matter?

Plus, it makes no sense.

If Junior is so rich,

why does he need to steal?

Because he's a junkie and his mom stopped giving him money hoping he'll quit.

The same goes for Oli's brother.

- Dani. - Also a junkie.

You know, I'm starting to feel a bit uncomfortable in this position.

Wait a bit.

Aurel,

this is big.

I want to know if you want to be part of our family.

It's really easy.

There are certain people we can't touch

and they reward us.

Aurel, there's enough meat for everyone.

You fucking hid my key again!

I put it here, in the locker, so you don't fucking lose it!

Be careful, you can slip and fall!

OK, I have to leave, I have too many things on my mind.

- Wait a fucking second! - Leave me the fuck alone!

Wait a second, Aurel. Wait!

We had a little bit of fun,

but, for real now, you know how much we earn.

You want me to risk my life for that?

Maybe you shouldn't be a policeman.

Stop it, come on! Wait!

- I'm not getting into this. - Yes, I got it!

Come and talk to the chief, see what he says!

I'll talk to him on Monday, at the office.

He's waiting for us at the precinct, he phoned me about it.

At this hour?

Yes, you'll understand everything after you talk to him.

I'll drop you off.

OK.

Nice car.

You like it?

Two hundred and twenty horse power, electric breed.

You must think that I'm an idiot.

Please, take this beautiful red car and leave.

Bro, listen to me.

I don't want to hear it, I don't want anything to do with you.

- Just a minute. - No! I don't want to talk!

Denzel!

- Problems? - No, Jimmy, it's OK.

- If you have problems, I'm here. - OK.

Oli was only trying to help me.

I don't care.

I know Junior since high school.

I partied with him, with women, drugs, orgies... you know how it is!

Women and orgies? I still live with my dad, what the fuck!

Yesterday, I saw real breasts for the first time!

Anyway. I ended up owing Junior a lot of money.

And when his mom stopped funding him,

I had to help him with the robberies.

Fool, a robbery is a robbery.

Who the hell cares about your reasons?

You're right.

But Oli has nothing to do with this.

She was just trying to help me.

And I feel bad that she suffers because of me.

- You should. - Dani, let's go!

You should go, before I call Jimmy.

It's OK, Jimmy, he left. At ease.

Next time.

Next time.

No, we're not there yet.

Chief, I'm glad you called me, I wanted to...

I'm glad, too, and I love the whole "chief" thing.

I'll keep it. I'm the "Chief" now.

- Where is he? - It doesn't matter where he is.

I'll show you who runs things around here.

You thought I'm some loser hiding behind his mommy?

Wrong!

Pal, I'm the one calling the shots, got it?

What are you doing in my chair?

Sorry, mommy.

You wet the bed until you were eight. You think you're a tough guy?

Ma'am, I came to talk to Mr. Stănescu...

OK. I am losing way too much time on this.

You think you might know something about my son, but I can assure you...

What? That he robs gambling houses because you cut off his money?

My son is clean.

It's true, he had problems,

but he went to the best clinic in Switzerland and now he's better.

Is he? Look at what we found in his phone case two nights ago.

You can have it checked and see it's cocaine.

- Mom, it's not... - Shut up!

OK, I'll let you handle this.

- Really? - I can't afford this kind of problems.

How much do you want to keep quiet?

Fuck your money!

You'll go to jail and so is your...

It's not your fault.

Yeah.

What are you going to do?

Son...

All my life, I tried to be an honest man,

to fight injustice wherever I saw it...

and the department laughed in my face, they said I was an idiot...

and what did I get?

I didn’t get a statue!

They didn't double my salary, my life wasn't better! It was worse.

I'm sorry I told you to hang out with them,

but did you think I wanted you to be corrupt, like they are?

No!

I didn't want you to end up in a bad place...

Like I did.

I didn't want you to end up in this bed.

What should I do?

I've got your back, no matter what.

I love you, you're my child, OK?

I can see you're down...

because we didn't want you.

Come on, laugh!

We didn't want you 'cause the condom broke, the abortions failed,

I asked the doctor to hit you with a chisel in the head...

- OK, enough, I got it. - That's why you're...

Come here!

- You're going live, aren't you? - Just a short one.

Garcea gang, I'm sorry, but we have to end this,

unfortunately, because I'm having a sad moment with my son.

Don't forget to fuck that Like button

and I'll see you next time.

Garcea out.

I have to make some money.

I have to make money.

Can you stay here with Aurel

and not go live with him unconscious?

I'll ask for his permission.

Or maybe don't go live.

OK, I won't go live.

Jimmy, no.

I'm sorry.

Jimmy, I said no. We can't. No.

No.

No.

No!

Do you want to go live?

He said "yes".

Good evening, Garcea gang,

we have the first Like from the hospital.

See what happens if you don't take a self-defense class?

Don't forget, Garcea Self-Defense Academy is looking for sponsors.

What do you want?

To end up like this

or donate through the link?

Hold the Like, please, even if...

I know you can't hear us, but, hold it.

Like.

This will help you fight.

What the hell is this?

Vitamin C, I crushed it last night.

It's not as good as the one in the evidence room, but it's OK.

Hey, you slicks!

Inspector Denzel Garcea, on duty.

We came to arrest you.

How about you put my dick in your mouth?

Junior, put out that cigarette!

I know I came late in your life as a father figure,

- ...but, I hope that one day... - Dude!

Right, sorry. OK, let's do this.

Bring that MILF of yours, so I can handcuff her,

love her and take her to the precinct...

You think you can scare me with your henchmen?

Go for it, Oli! I'm here to cheer for you and take pictures.

Oli?

Shit.

Have fun, guys.

OK! Two on one, that's OK.

I should have peed before I put this costume on.

I'm not going to lie, you looked smaller from there.

I'll take the little one. Oh, he's meaner.

I'll take the pretty guy. Wait!

Pinky and The Brain, wait a second.

OK! That's how you want it?

I can do this all day long.

Balls!

You are such assholes!

Both in the nose!

Time out!

Time out!

In again!

Nothing?

He can't get enough of this!

OK! Time out! You can't attack now!

Let go!

If you want to give up, this is the time to do it.

Talk fast.

I'm in the middle of a fight and I have a 100% chance to win.

Look to your left.

I sent some backup.

I'm here to take in that bitch Avramescu.

- Good luck, Denzi. - Denzel.

Sure, Denzel.

Good evening!

We have kids now?

I brought you something.

- Hey, shit-face, where's your boss? - That's none of your business.

You should fix that bad manicure.

You're the one to talk, with that goiter on?

Your eyelids reach your knees and your contouring is a mess,

your eyeliner is a joke, those inflammations around your lips

make me sick, the lips are a mess,

not to mention the cheekbones, and your hair is a total failure,

bad haircut, split ends, no texture,

and, my God, twilight zone, what's that on your face?

Take this coupon and have a facial.

False eyelashes?

I have alopecia, man!

Losers...

assemble!

That's my boy! Break his face!

Dear children, as you can see,

sometimes you have to hit people to make yourself understood.

Kill him!

You're dead now!

Really?

Rosemary and lavender perfume!

What the fuck? It's 2004? God, kill me now!

Did someone order Tasers?

I told you to get the machine guns! AG's!

Nothing makes you happy!

Give me a break,

I can't get rid of you, you're like a bug!

A bug? I'll kill you!

And I'll take you with me!

Hey!

Hey!

Let go!

Oinker down!

Call the police!

Stop littering in this town!

Come here, you little fucker, I want you to meet Cristinel.

You have three seconds to get out.

Hey, take it easy, I just came to talk,

to tell you that we're breaking up.

Shut up!

- Am I interrupting? - Dad, not now.

Shut up, you're not good with women.

Miss, we don't know each other.

But, on behalf of me and my team...

Team... Jimmy?

Team. Jimmy!

You're under arrest, bitch!

Dad, you made it! I can't believe it!

Right...

Ouch, dad! Fuck!

Both legs, unbelievable!

It was loaded, you crazy bitch?

Put the cuffs on! Now!

Ouch!

Get out of here!

Get out!

- Keep filming! - Jimmy!

Us.

Turn it up.

Turn it up.

A series of investigations are in progress to find the culprits.

Senator Avramescu was allowed to leave the country

on the promise that she'll return until the trial.

Key witnesses are ready to testify.

I know I've made mistakes in the past, but I am ready to accept...

You have such beautiful eyes!

Can you talk?

What's your name?

Is it true that you've planned the robberies

with senator Avramescu's son?

I'll give details during trial,

where, by the way, I'll be alone, if you want to come with me...

- Are you afraid of repercussions? - I don't know what that means.

The only thing I fear is that I might fall in love with you

if you keep looking at me like that.

- What did you do with the money? - Where are you from?

- Do you regret anything? - Will you do it again?

- Can I pick a girl? - Any accomplices?

- Call me! - How did you feel when you were caught?

THE MONSTER THAT CORRUPTED THE SENATOR'S FINE SON

There will be ten long years of debate, at the end of which justice will be done,

and senator Avramescu will receive the minimum sentence, on probation.

The horoscope is up next.

Stay tuned to find out how you'll die according to your sign.

So, Aurel, what's our sentence after all the shit we've done?

Probably the electric chair. I'm not sure.

OK.

At least, you're officially in...

the wolves clique,

the action clique.

Why do you keep calling it "clique"

if it's for wolves?

The swarm of wolves.

Try again.

The gathering...

The conglomerate ...

The flock of wolves.

Or... the pack?

The clique pack!

Or just the pack.

The action pack!

THE ACTION WOLF PACK

Denzel!

Are you in?

- Will you run in the marathon? - What marathon?

The suck-a-bear's-dick-athon.

I'm the bear! Let the marathon begin!

I'll ask: will you run in the marathon?

It's the same marathon.

I don't get it, you're laughing for real now?

I'm laughing for all of you...

He laughed so loud!

As if you haven't made fun of me through the entire movie!