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1
00:00:42,541 --> 00:00:46,832
For one thousand centuries...
2
00:00:47,291 --> 00:00:51,999
the Falafel family has ruled
the deserts with one thing:
3
00:00:52,083 --> 00:00:53,749
Speed.
4
00:00:54,041 --> 00:00:58,332
We have the fastest camels
and the fastest horses.
5
00:00:58,416 --> 00:01:01,290
Now, due to...
6
00:01:02,583 --> 00:01:04,999
you know what...
7
00:01:06,333 --> 00:01:09,749
we have the fastest planes...
8
00:01:10,333 --> 00:01:13,332
the fastest boats and
the fastest cars.
9
00:01:13,500 --> 00:01:15,874
Except for one: yours.
10
00:01:16,416 --> 00:01:21,040
Last year I sent you to
America for one simple task.
11
00:01:21,250 --> 00:01:22,832
So simple.
12
00:01:22,916 --> 00:01:27,249
To emblazon the Falafel name
as the fastest in the world
13
00:01:27,333 --> 00:01:31,124
by winning the Cannonball Run.
14
00:01:31,833 --> 00:01:34,749
And you... failed.
15
00:01:36,666 --> 00:01:39,874
- A thousand thanks.
- But Lion of the deserts...
16
00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:42,249
King of Kings...
17
00:01:42,333 --> 00:01:43,791
Pop.
18
00:01:43,792 --> 00:01:48,165
No excuses, you son
of my ugliest wife.
19
00:01:51,416 --> 00:01:53,665
A thousand thanks.
20
00:01:58,625 --> 00:02:03,624
How come you have a
blond, blue-eyed slave?
21
00:02:05,291 --> 00:02:09,040
He's an actor. Hasn't had
a series in seven years.
22
00:02:09,125 --> 00:02:11,665
Nine.
23
00:02:14,791 --> 00:02:18,040
- Two thousand thanks.
- I know I didn't win, Pop.
24
00:02:18,250 --> 00:02:21,249
I was sick. My ulcer...
25
00:02:21,333 --> 00:02:25,249
I order you back to America...
26
00:02:25,666 --> 00:02:28,624
to win the Cannonball Run.
27
00:02:29,083 --> 00:02:31,749
I give you one last
chance, because...
28
00:02:32,541 --> 00:02:35,165
you are my only son with
a driver's licence.
29
00:02:35,291 --> 00:02:38,478
But Pop, there is no
Cannonball Run this year.
30
00:02:38,479 --> 00:02:39,540
So?
31
00:02:40,125 --> 00:02:45,082
- Buy one.
- Of course.
32
00:03:06,291 --> 00:03:08,144
Couple of wise guys behind us.
33
00:03:08,145 --> 00:03:10,749
Slow down. Let's see
how ballsy they are.
34
00:03:12,333 --> 00:03:15,461
Wow. What a couple of
great-looking chicks.
35
00:03:15,462 --> 00:03:18,249
- So much for boredom.
- Let's nail 'em.
36
00:04:18,666 --> 00:04:21,749
- Wise broads.
- They can't outrun the radio.
37
00:04:21,791 --> 00:04:23,416
Charlie, you got one
heading your way.
38
00:04:23,417 --> 00:04:24,999
You'll see it in
about three minutes.
39
00:04:25,041 --> 00:04:28,999
You're three minutes are up. Man,
a couple of great-looking chicks.
40
00:04:42,250 --> 00:04:44,062
Road's straight as
an arrow. I can see
41
00:04:44,063 --> 00:04:45,874
for five miles. Wonder
where they are?
42
00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:48,383
Don't panic. Just
watch the side roads
43
00:04:48,384 --> 00:04:50,582
for dust. No way
they can shake us.
44
00:04:59,375 --> 00:05:01,383
You heard me? I think we lost 'em.
45
00:05:01,384 --> 00:05:03,499
How can you lose a
white Lamborghini
46
00:05:03,583 --> 00:05:06,406
with two chicks in the
middle of nowhere?
47
00:05:06,407 --> 00:05:09,165
What is this? A quiz?
We lost 'em, okay?
48
00:05:09,291 --> 00:05:12,749
Haha. I just found 'em, son.
This here's the end of the hunt.
49
00:05:12,875 --> 00:05:14,582
Good luck, buddy.
50
00:05:18,833 --> 00:05:20,809
Figure, they gotta
be between us. Just
51
00:05:20,810 --> 00:05:22,582
pull out and block the damn road.
52
00:05:23,791 --> 00:05:26,832
You got any other bright ideas?
53
00:05:47,000 --> 00:05:50,082
I'm eastbound in pursuit
of a white Lamborghini.
54
00:05:50,166 --> 00:05:52,832
This is not a recording.
55
00:06:15,875 --> 00:06:18,874
Hey, thanks for the hose job.
56
00:06:34,500 --> 00:06:36,255
If I tell you boys
something, you won't
57
00:06:36,256 --> 00:06:37,790
think I've been drinking, will ya?
58
00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:40,488
The white Lamborghini is
vanished, but there's
59
00:06:40,489 --> 00:06:42,499
a red one behind me
honking its horn.
60
00:06:42,625 --> 00:06:45,021
Correction. It's
passing me, and it's
61
00:06:45,022 --> 00:06:47,290
got two great-looking
chicks in it.
62
00:07:09,250 --> 00:07:11,500
You know Marcie, we've
got this routine down.
63
00:07:11,501 --> 00:07:13,749
Yeah, I think we're ready
for the Cannonball.
64
00:07:13,875 --> 00:07:16,624
Oh yeah, I think so. How
far is Redondo Beach?
65
00:07:17,083 --> 00:07:19,749
- 150 miles.
- An hour flat.
66
00:07:20,041 --> 00:07:22,582
What are we waiting for? Let's go.
67
00:07:53,083 --> 00:07:56,832
Welcome Ladies and Gentlemen to
the fifth annual Madera air show.
68
00:07:57,041 --> 00:07:59,387
The greatest, most
sensational gathering
69
00:07:59,388 --> 00:08:01,790
of stunt pilots and
daredevils in the US.
70
00:08:02,250 --> 00:08:05,749
Displays of flying and courage
like you've never seen before...
71
00:08:06,000 --> 00:08:08,832
concluding with the most
death-defying stunt of them all:
72
00:08:09,000 --> 00:08:12,582
The human Bomb. So grab
your kids, grab your hats.
73
00:08:12,750 --> 00:08:15,624
The festivities
will begin shortly.
74
00:08:21,125 --> 00:08:24,165
Are you sure this is
a good idea, J.J?
75
00:08:25,375 --> 00:08:27,540
A good idea?
76
00:08:28,250 --> 00:08:29,552
We're gonna get so rich.
77
00:08:29,554 --> 00:08:30,583
- Rich?
- Rich.
78
00:08:30,791 --> 00:08:32,495
We're gonna split everything 50/50
79
00:08:32,496 --> 00:08:34,182
right down the middle.
We're partners.
80
00:08:34,183 --> 00:08:35,183
Partners?
81
00:08:35,184 --> 00:08:36,708
You bet. We're friends, aren't we?
82
00:08:36,709 --> 00:08:37,749
Partners and friends.
83
00:08:37,791 --> 00:08:39,085
And we're gonna be rich.
84
00:08:39,086 --> 00:08:41,374
- Rich partners and friends.
- That's right.
85
00:08:42,250 --> 00:08:45,582
- What if something goes wrong?
- What could go wrong?
86
00:08:47,166 --> 00:08:50,753
We've got the ace dive bomber
pilot from World War II.
87
00:08:50,754 --> 00:08:51,760
Dive bomber?
88
00:08:51,762 --> 00:08:54,291
Oh yeah. He'll let you go
right out of the plane...
89
00:08:54,750 --> 00:08:56,942
with this. And you'll go
right through that target.
90
00:08:56,944 --> 00:08:58,166
- Target?
- Right through...
91
00:08:58,375 --> 00:09:00,915
- and into a net, strong net...
- Net?
92
00:09:01,166 --> 00:09:03,090
And if you go through
the net, then you'll
93
00:09:03,091 --> 00:09:04,790
land in some hay. I
mean, so much hay
94
00:09:04,916 --> 00:09:07,973
you could feed all
the cattle in Texas.
95
00:09:07,974 --> 00:09:09,024
What am I worried about?
96
00:09:09,050 --> 00:09:11,932
- Nothing. Are you crazy?
- I'm so glad you're laughing.
97
00:09:12,000 --> 00:09:16,665
He can't miss. He can't miss. I
bless you. You will not miss.
98
00:09:16,791 --> 00:09:18,902
J.J., I'm still scared.
99
00:09:18,904 --> 00:09:20,041
- You're still scared?
- Yeah.
100
00:09:20,250 --> 00:09:24,415
Well, if you're scared, you
could always have "him" do it.
101
00:09:24,750 --> 00:09:28,665
"Him" doesn't come unless there's
grave danger to human life.
102
00:09:29,666 --> 00:09:31,332
Right...
103
00:09:32,300 --> 00:09:34,315
You oughta call "him".
104
00:09:38,583 --> 00:09:40,374
Hello, this is Jack Smith.
105
00:09:40,875 --> 00:09:43,070
We've brought our cameras
to record for our
106
00:09:43,071 --> 00:09:45,165
30 million viewers a
vintage dive bomber,
107
00:09:45,250 --> 00:09:49,290
flying on a simulated attack
run, drop a human bomb.
108
00:09:49,583 --> 00:09:52,749
A man encased in steel,
risking life and limb,
109
00:09:52,875 --> 00:09:55,915
hurtling to the ground
at 140 miles per hour.
110
00:09:56,041 --> 00:09:58,915
Now, this is a man of
such great courage
111
00:09:59,041 --> 00:10:01,332
that he's destined to
become a household name.
112
00:10:01,541 --> 00:10:04,165
He'll be besieged for autographs,
113
00:10:04,250 --> 00:10:07,499
his picture will be on magazine
covers all over the world.
114
00:10:07,666 --> 00:10:10,665
Millions of adoring women
will be at his feet.
115
00:10:10,750 --> 00:10:13,582
He's bound to become a
national celebrity.
116
00:10:18,333 --> 00:10:20,290
Oh, shit...
117
00:10:22,791 --> 00:10:26,665
- J.J. Long time no see.
- Nice to see you, Captain Chaos.
118
00:10:27,291 --> 00:10:29,753
Listen, I'd like to take
your place in the bomb.
119
00:10:29,754 --> 00:10:31,249
Have no fear. "Him" is here.
120
00:10:31,333 --> 00:10:33,264
- It'd make me very happy.
- You want it?
121
00:10:33,266 --> 00:10:34,375
- Yes.
- You got it.
122
00:10:34,802 --> 00:10:35,802
Thank you.
123
00:10:35,803 --> 00:10:37,750
- Suck in.
- Okay.
124
00:10:38,750 --> 00:10:39,999
What a guy.
125
00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:51,540
Give me a D, give me a
D, give me a D-E-U,
126
00:10:51,625 --> 00:10:55,040
give me a T, give me a T, T-S-C-H.
127
00:10:55,291 --> 00:10:58,415
Yea, Deutschland. Listen...
128
00:10:58,875 --> 00:11:01,624
- You think you might like a beer?
- Hey.
129
00:11:02,500 --> 00:11:04,575
- Hey.
- Deutschland, Deutschland...
130
00:11:04,577 --> 00:11:06,041
I want outta here.
131
00:11:06,333 --> 00:11:08,999
You asked for it.
132
00:11:18,666 --> 00:11:21,124
Here he comes,
folks... Here he is...
133
00:11:21,250 --> 00:11:22,544
One of the most dangerous stunts
134
00:11:22,545 --> 00:11:24,040
we've ever had
performed in Madera.
135
00:11:27,500 --> 00:11:29,389
On his final approach...
This has to
136
00:11:29,390 --> 00:11:31,124
be perfect the first time around.
137
00:11:58,750 --> 00:12:01,165
That's my partner. What a team.
138
00:12:01,625 --> 00:12:03,206
The crash trucks are
on their way. We'll
139
00:12:03,207 --> 00:12:04,749
have word on his
condition in a minute.
140
00:12:04,833 --> 00:12:07,624
What a pilot. What a
pilot. Are you okay?
141
00:12:07,750 --> 00:12:11,249
Oh my goodness, did you see
that? Wasn't that fantastic?
142
00:12:11,500 --> 00:12:12,768
I'm so terrifically happy...
143
00:12:12,769 --> 00:12:14,374
Oh, shut up and get me outta here.
144
00:12:14,500 --> 00:12:16,187
Did you hear the crowd?
We were terrific.
145
00:12:16,188 --> 00:12:17,188
Get me out.
146
00:12:17,189 --> 00:12:18,432
I can just see us on People
147
00:12:18,433 --> 00:12:20,624
magazine. We're
gonna be a big hit.
148
00:12:20,833 --> 00:12:23,332
J.J., you seem a little shorter.
149
00:12:23,791 --> 00:12:26,572
J.J., are you okay? You know
something? I figured it out.
150
00:12:26,573 --> 00:12:27,573
Yeah?
151
00:12:27,583 --> 00:12:29,062
If we do this ten times a day...
152
00:12:29,064 --> 00:12:30,542
- Yeah?
- By the end of the year
153
00:12:30,666 --> 00:12:32,915
we're gonna be billionaires.
154
00:12:33,437 --> 00:12:34,437
What is that?
155
00:12:34,438 --> 00:12:36,249
Oh don't worry about that.
It's the Cannonball Race.
156
00:12:36,291 --> 00:12:38,359
It's on again. A million
dollars' the prize.
157
00:12:38,360 --> 00:12:40,290
Don't worry. We're
gonna be billionaires.
158
00:12:43,157 --> 00:12:44,157
What did I say?
159
00:12:44,158 --> 00:12:46,665
You want me to do
this ten times a day?
160
00:12:47,166 --> 00:12:48,749
Nine?
161
00:12:49,875 --> 00:12:52,374
What a grouch.
162
00:13:00,666 --> 00:13:04,499
I asked you to come here out
of respect for the family.
163
00:13:05,375 --> 00:13:08,415
In the past, the Cannelloni family
164
00:13:08,541 --> 00:13:13,582
was the richest and most powerful
family of all the families.
165
00:13:14,250 --> 00:13:18,915
We controlled drugs,
prostitution, extortion,
166
00:13:19,500 --> 00:13:23,249
prostitution, gambling...
167
00:13:23,583 --> 00:13:26,415
You said "prostitution" twice.
168
00:13:26,541 --> 00:13:29,290
Well, I like it. And now...
169
00:13:29,750 --> 00:13:33,999
the Rigatonis, the
Tortellinis, the Fettucinis...
170
00:13:34,583 --> 00:13:38,249
and even the Raviolis
are bigger than we are.
171
00:13:39,666 --> 00:13:40,874
And why?
172
00:13:41,500 --> 00:13:43,643
High interest rates?
173
00:13:43,645 --> 00:13:47,500
- Acid rain?
- Japanese imports?
174
00:13:53,583 --> 00:13:55,249
None of the above.
175
00:13:56,041 --> 00:13:58,915
No... No... No.
176
00:13:59,125 --> 00:14:01,040
You I'm not even gonna answer.
177
00:14:01,583 --> 00:14:03,722
Gee boss, if I knew
there was gonna
178
00:14:03,723 --> 00:14:05,624
be a test I would have studied.
179
00:14:06,250 --> 00:14:09,874
When I passed on the
powers of the Don...
180
00:14:10,375 --> 00:14:12,499
to my son Don,
181
00:14:12,666 --> 00:14:15,540
making him Don Don,
182
00:14:16,166 --> 00:14:17,874
I had high hopes for him.
183
00:14:18,625 --> 00:14:22,832
And what has he done? He has
only brought us disgrace...
184
00:14:23,083 --> 00:14:25,249
and shame.
185
00:14:27,541 --> 00:14:29,582
Wait a minute...
186
00:14:32,041 --> 00:14:34,540
This cat is dead.
187
00:14:36,375 --> 00:14:39,082
Get me a new cat.
188
00:14:42,500 --> 00:14:44,249
Oh God...
189
00:14:44,875 --> 00:14:47,499
The cat could have
been a contender.
190
00:14:47,750 --> 00:14:50,082
I should have
thought... Thank you.
191
00:14:51,500 --> 00:14:54,624
It's a tabby. Very nice.
192
00:14:57,000 --> 00:14:58,790
It's a boy.
193
00:15:03,333 --> 00:15:07,999
Boys, go to Vegas. Lean on Don.
194
00:15:09,166 --> 00:15:10,187
Don Don.
195
00:15:10,188 --> 00:15:13,249
We're here to straighten
out your affairs.
196
00:15:13,916 --> 00:15:16,540
What are your assets?
197
00:15:17,791 --> 00:15:21,665
Well, I'm good-natured and I dress
well. And some people think...
198
00:15:24,041 --> 00:15:27,790
- What about your liabilities?
- Well, there is...
199
00:15:27,916 --> 00:15:30,249
one small liability.
200
00:15:30,500 --> 00:15:31,582
What?
201
00:15:32,041 --> 00:15:34,874
Well... I could use a tummy tuck.
202
00:15:35,333 --> 00:15:37,665
A tummy tuck? A tummy tuck?
203
00:15:39,500 --> 00:15:40,943
I'll kill him... I'll kill him.
204
00:15:40,945 --> 00:15:42,666
- Calm yourself.
- I'll kill him.
205
00:15:43,750 --> 00:15:47,540
Don Don, do you have any
outstanding markers?
206
00:15:48,000 --> 00:15:50,999
- Look in the in-box.
- Look in the in-box.
207
00:15:53,333 --> 00:15:57,749
30,000... It's not too
outstanding, but it's a start.
208
00:15:59,916 --> 00:16:03,874
- Fenderbaum?
- Fenderbaum.
209
00:16:07,416 --> 00:16:10,455
You better call Jim and
tell him where his car is.
210
00:16:10,456 --> 00:16:12,749
Me? I called last
time. You call Jim.
211
00:16:17,833 --> 00:16:20,999
- Well, hi there.
- Hi. Could I help you girls?
212
00:16:21,500 --> 00:16:25,249
- This thing's stuck.
- Oh yeah. Yeah.
213
00:16:25,875 --> 00:16:29,332
- Take a hike, Mike.
- Yeah, get lost.
214
00:16:34,000 --> 00:16:35,125
What a jerk.
215
00:16:35,126 --> 00:16:38,499
Okay. What are we gonna
do? Marcie, hey.
216
00:16:38,750 --> 00:16:42,499
Hey, honey. Right here,
yeah. Come on here, baby.
217
00:16:42,750 --> 00:16:44,665
Hi, sugar.
218
00:16:47,583 --> 00:16:50,790
- You girls all right?
- Could be.
219
00:16:50,875 --> 00:16:53,540
This is a beauty.
Doesn't sound stock.
220
00:16:53,750 --> 00:16:57,999
It isn't. I took the six out
and shoe-horned in a 383 hemi.
221
00:16:58,041 --> 00:17:01,499
- It's hot, baby.
- Hey, you got room for two more?
222
00:17:03,083 --> 00:17:04,984
- I'm Marcie.
- Yeah, and I'm Jill.
223
00:17:04,985 --> 00:17:06,832
- I'm George.
- Let's go, Georgie.
224
00:17:11,375 --> 00:17:14,999
L.A. Tower to Japan cargo.
Report to hangar three.
225
00:17:15,125 --> 00:17:17,040
Roger, Tower.
226
00:17:17,916 --> 00:17:19,554
No luck. They want us in customs.
227
00:17:19,555 --> 00:17:21,540
They'll impound your
car for two days.
228
00:17:21,750 --> 00:17:24,874
That means, you're gonna miss the
race. What do you want to do?
229
00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:28,249
- Okay, down.
- Okay.
230
00:17:28,750 --> 00:17:30,999
Change of plans.
You're bailing out.
231
00:17:32,916 --> 00:17:35,040
- Button up.
- Roger.
232
00:17:37,083 --> 00:17:39,832
Battle stations.
233
00:18:20,083 --> 00:18:22,165
Okay, make us invisible.
234
00:19:07,083 --> 00:19:10,915
I know you're in there, Blake.
I can hear the ice cubes.
235
00:19:11,250 --> 00:19:14,415
This is me, Fenderbaum.
So open up.
236
00:19:17,500 --> 00:19:19,790
Blake, I know you're in there.
237
00:19:36,750 --> 00:19:39,249
The Candy Man can.
238
00:19:45,125 --> 00:19:49,582
Everybody loves
somebody, sometime...
239
00:19:53,000 --> 00:19:56,332
When I make a dry Martini,
I make a dry Martini.
240
00:20:02,416 --> 00:20:05,832
- There's somebody at the window.
- That's just the window cleaner.
241
00:20:08,250 --> 00:20:09,437
Honey, who is it?
242
00:20:09,438 --> 00:20:11,874
I don't know. There's
nobody there.
243
00:20:12,291 --> 00:20:13,499
Blake.
244
00:20:14,875 --> 00:20:16,409
Open up the window.
245
00:20:16,410 --> 00:20:19,624
I'll be back in a
minute. Don't go away.
246
00:20:20,916 --> 00:20:23,249
I'm gonna kill him.
247
00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:28,332
- There's nothing out here.
- Blake. Down here.
248
00:20:31,500 --> 00:20:34,499
I don't care what it is. Not now.
249
00:20:34,541 --> 00:20:36,749
But I gotta talk to you now.
250
00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:39,040
- You gotta?
- Yes.
251
00:20:45,916 --> 00:20:47,508
Do you know that I'm eighteen
252
00:20:47,509 --> 00:20:49,540
stories above the
ground? Eighteen.
253
00:20:49,625 --> 00:20:51,749
- Eighteen?
- Yes, eighteen.
254
00:20:55,750 --> 00:20:57,540
Eighteen?
255
00:21:05,083 --> 00:21:07,749
You know you're the tallest
short guy I've ever seen?
256
00:21:09,500 --> 00:21:13,165
Read this, will you? Just read
that. That's from the Sheik.
257
00:21:13,500 --> 00:21:16,499
They're gonna start the Cannonball
again. And the sheik's putting up
258
00:21:16,625 --> 00:21:19,246
$1 million to the
winner. And you know
259
00:21:19,247 --> 00:21:21,665
who the winner will
be? $1 million.
260
00:21:22,333 --> 00:21:25,540
Take it easy now.
No, don't come out.
261
00:21:25,750 --> 00:21:28,165
- I'll come in.
- Blake?
262
00:21:30,541 --> 00:21:31,816
Where are you going?
263
00:21:31,817 --> 00:21:34,249
I gotta do it. It's
a million dollars.
264
00:21:34,666 --> 00:21:36,790
You creep.
265
00:21:38,666 --> 00:21:40,821
Where did you get the scaffold?
266
00:21:40,822 --> 00:21:43,499
Huh? I thought this
was the elevator.
267
00:21:58,500 --> 00:22:00,832
I see you got my telegram, Doctor.
268
00:22:01,916 --> 00:22:04,790
Was that that yellow thing
with the printing on it?
269
00:22:04,875 --> 00:22:05,875
Yes.
270
00:22:05,876 --> 00:22:08,749
I got that, yes. I
read that. It's...
271
00:22:09,000 --> 00:22:11,665
It was... What does it say?
272
00:22:12,833 --> 00:22:15,582
It said I wish to
employ your services
273
00:22:15,750 --> 00:22:19,165
to take care of my Royal ulcer
during the Cannonball Run.
274
00:22:20,291 --> 00:22:22,874
Do you know much about ulcers?
275
00:22:22,875 --> 00:22:26,499
Proctology's my speciality.
276
00:22:26,833 --> 00:22:29,165
I'm very probably...
277
00:22:29,541 --> 00:22:33,082
the world's most famous
expert on ulcers.
278
00:22:34,541 --> 00:22:36,406
I should probably give you an
279
00:22:36,407 --> 00:22:38,915
examination right
now. Open up there.
280
00:22:43,583 --> 00:22:47,249
I sterilised it. Before
we go any further...
281
00:22:48,666 --> 00:22:52,790
There's the matter of my fee.
We should discuss my fee...
282
00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:58,999
It's... just about that amount.
283
00:23:02,583 --> 00:23:04,801
Hey, wait a minute.
You gonna drink milk?
284
00:23:04,802 --> 00:23:05,865
Yeah.
285
00:23:05,866 --> 00:23:08,499
Aren't you afraid it's gonna
curdle when it hits your liver?
286
00:23:08,583 --> 00:23:11,249
My liver died last year.
287
00:23:12,625 --> 00:23:14,105
Can I help you?
288
00:23:14,106 --> 00:23:17,499
Anybody around here
speak Oriental?
289
00:23:20,500 --> 00:23:23,832
Sure. One sake coming up.
290
00:23:29,000 --> 00:23:32,749
What he said was:
"Blackjack and water"
291
00:23:33,750 --> 00:23:35,499
Now.
292
00:23:37,291 --> 00:23:40,082
- You got it?
- Yes Sir. Coming right up.
293
00:23:42,000 --> 00:23:44,348
We'll get a nice big
bottle of champagne,
294
00:23:44,349 --> 00:23:46,249
and then we'll go up to my place.
295
00:23:46,416 --> 00:23:48,832
Father, what are you saying?
296
00:23:49,916 --> 00:23:52,582
Didn't you ever see Thorn Birds?
297
00:23:54,583 --> 00:23:58,332
Hey pal, I'll never get
laid in this outfit.
298
00:23:58,500 --> 00:24:01,999
From now on, I'm gonna wear
nothing but open collars.
299
00:24:02,500 --> 00:24:06,749
- No man can live by bread alone.
- I can. I love bread.
300
00:24:06,791 --> 00:24:10,374
You know, my favourite is a Parker
House roll. It just is so nice.
301
00:24:10,500 --> 00:24:12,161
And then the Russian
rye. You know,
302
00:24:12,162 --> 00:24:13,915
there's so many
raisins in it that...
303
00:24:14,416 --> 00:24:17,499
- I'm not talking about that.
- Okay.
304
00:24:17,791 --> 00:24:19,324
I'm talking about women.
305
00:24:19,326 --> 00:24:20,666
- Women?
- Women.
306
00:24:20,875 --> 00:24:22,961
I want a girl that's sensitive and
307
00:24:22,962 --> 00:24:25,415
vulnerable. I really...
I need a girl.
308
00:24:25,875 --> 00:24:28,915
- Yeah. Me too.
- You?
309
00:24:29,041 --> 00:24:31,831
Sure. Hey J.J., I'm not
a eunuch, you know?
310
00:24:31,832 --> 00:24:33,832
Of course you're not a eunuch.
311
00:24:33,916 --> 00:24:36,374
Don't put yourself down like that.
312
00:24:36,500 --> 00:24:39,499
You have a striking resemblance
to a eunuch, but you...
313
00:24:40,500 --> 00:24:43,999
I'm just kidding. You want a girl?
You can have one of my girls.
314
00:24:44,083 --> 00:24:45,705
I couldn't take one of your girls.
315
00:24:45,706 --> 00:24:47,415
- Oh, you can.
- Well, maybe just one.
316
00:24:47,583 --> 00:24:49,374
To clear up my complexion.
317
00:24:52,041 --> 00:24:53,233
- So tomorrow...
- Tomorrow.
318
00:24:53,235 --> 00:24:55,250
- We turn over a new leaf.
- A new leaf.
319
00:24:55,541 --> 00:24:58,415
- Up and clean.
- Up and clean.
320
00:25:01,500 --> 00:25:03,999
And tonight... down and dirty.
321
00:25:05,979 --> 00:25:06,979
Hi J.J.
322
00:25:06,980 --> 00:25:09,540
Hi. Are you guys doing
anything tonight?
323
00:25:09,573 --> 00:25:10,573
Not now.
324
00:25:10,574 --> 00:25:13,415
Let's go somewhere and talk
about customs and camshafts.
325
00:25:13,500 --> 00:25:15,749
Coming, J.J.
326
00:25:31,625 --> 00:25:35,415
Do we still owe Don Don $30,000?
327
00:25:36,083 --> 00:25:38,290
- Did you pay him?
- No.
328
00:25:38,625 --> 00:25:41,040
Well, then we still
owe him $30,000.
329
00:25:42,583 --> 00:25:45,624
Well, one of his collection
men came to collect it.
330
00:25:45,833 --> 00:25:47,103
Where?
331
00:25:47,104 --> 00:25:49,832
He's at the front
door, but don't look.
332
00:25:51,833 --> 00:25:54,499
I said don't look.
333
00:25:54,750 --> 00:25:58,124
If he's at the front door,
we'll go out the back door,
334
00:25:58,250 --> 00:26:01,249
since he can't be at two
places at one time, right?
335
00:26:01,500 --> 00:26:04,415
- That's a good suggestion.
- Split city.
336
00:26:07,250 --> 00:26:10,290
- We're gonna die.
- Aye.
337
00:26:14,166 --> 00:26:15,785
What are they gonna do to us?
338
00:26:15,786 --> 00:26:18,082
Don't know what they're
gonna do to you,
339
00:26:18,250 --> 00:26:20,471
but since Mr. T. Ain't
here, I'm gonna
340
00:26:20,472 --> 00:26:22,749
be too busy licking
their boots to see.
341
00:26:30,416 --> 00:26:32,999
The money, or I'll blow you away.
342
00:26:33,166 --> 00:26:35,374
I'll take the money.
343
00:26:37,333 --> 00:26:39,739
Listen guys, why would a couple of
344
00:26:39,740 --> 00:26:42,499
operators like us
be in Redondo Beach
345
00:26:42,625 --> 00:26:45,158
with a bunch of
hayseeds in jumpsuits?
346
00:26:45,159 --> 00:26:46,332
Okay, wise guys.
347
00:26:46,448 --> 00:26:47,448
You tell us.
348
00:26:47,449 --> 00:26:50,290
We're gonna race to Connecticut
and the one that wins
349
00:26:50,375 --> 00:26:51,882
gets $1 million in cash.
350
00:26:51,883 --> 00:26:54,665
Only a moron would back
up a race like that.
351
00:26:55,750 --> 00:26:57,832
Fenderboom, Blake.
352
00:26:58,375 --> 00:27:01,999
Good to see you. You should
be sleeping at this hour.
353
00:27:02,083 --> 00:27:04,499
Remember, we leave
at noon tomorrow.
354
00:27:08,291 --> 00:27:11,790
Wingtips? Barbarians.
355
00:27:14,500 --> 00:27:18,249
Come, come. Buy yourselves
a decent clothing store.
356
00:27:18,500 --> 00:27:21,499
- Infidels.
- That's the moron.
357
00:27:22,375 --> 00:27:26,082
You know, these liars could
be telling the truth.
358
00:27:46,416 --> 00:27:49,249
Hymie Kaplan, what a surprise.
359
00:27:49,875 --> 00:27:52,415
Oh wow. You look wonderful.
360
00:27:53,500 --> 00:27:57,749
What brings you to the Pinto
Ranch? Is it business or pleasure?
361
00:28:01,750 --> 00:28:03,999
- May I have a chair?
- Oh, certainly.
362
00:28:09,625 --> 00:28:11,749
Oh, it's business.
363
00:28:12,125 --> 00:28:14,249
I just spoke to Dad,
isn't that funny?
364
00:28:14,375 --> 00:28:17,124
Don. You don't mind if I
call you Don Don, do you?
365
00:28:17,125 --> 00:28:18,125
No, no.
366
00:28:18,125 --> 00:28:20,650
Oh good, Don Don. When
your father was having
367
00:28:20,651 --> 00:28:22,790
a little trouble with
you in Brooklyn,
368
00:28:22,916 --> 00:28:25,065
he called me and asked
me for a favour.
369
00:28:25,066 --> 00:28:26,999
Could he send you
out here to Vegas
370
00:28:27,333 --> 00:28:30,540
so that I could watch over
yours. So what do I do?
371
00:28:30,625 --> 00:28:33,249
I give you a job working at the
casino. And what did you do?
372
00:28:33,375 --> 00:28:36,311
You spend all your time
working on the chorus lines.
373
00:28:36,312 --> 00:28:37,312
One line.
374
00:28:37,416 --> 00:28:39,416
I slept with one
lousy chorus line.
375
00:28:39,417 --> 00:28:40,417
Shut up.
376
00:28:41,750 --> 00:28:44,540
The second favour I do for
yours: you come to me
377
00:28:44,833 --> 00:28:47,301
and I lend you the
money to start this...
378
00:28:47,302 --> 00:28:50,687
Hymie, the recession has hurt
every small businessman.
379
00:28:50,688 --> 00:28:51,688
Oh yeah.
380
00:28:53,125 --> 00:28:55,790
- What does he owe?
- As of 9:30,
381
00:28:56,000 --> 00:29:00,082
the compounded 24% interest
weekly brings it to exactly
382
00:29:00,375 --> 00:29:05,582
9 million, 332 thousand,
448 dollars and 55 cents.
383
00:29:05,833 --> 00:29:07,749
Hymie, I'm doing the best I can.
384
00:29:08,041 --> 00:29:10,582
What? I'll kill you.
385
00:29:13,666 --> 00:29:17,790
That's what's so tragic. I'm
gonna do you another big favour.
386
00:29:18,500 --> 00:29:21,749
I'll give you exactly until
tomorrow to pay everything off.
387
00:29:21,833 --> 00:29:23,832
- Well, it's no problem because...
- Shut up.
388
00:29:25,500 --> 00:29:28,165
Exactly 24 hours, Don Don.
389
00:29:28,291 --> 00:29:30,415
I mean, Dumb Dumb.
390
00:29:31,416 --> 00:29:33,915
I think I call you
Dumb Dumb from now on.
391
00:29:34,666 --> 00:29:37,624
What do you think
about that, chaps?
392
00:29:39,541 --> 00:29:42,165
- It's very funny, boss.
- It ain't funny.
393
00:29:42,291 --> 00:29:44,624
Now, I'll tell you when
something is funny.
394
00:29:46,291 --> 00:29:48,540
Tomorrow, Dumb Dumb.
395
00:29:49,416 --> 00:29:51,249
Hymie, one question.
396
00:29:52,500 --> 00:29:54,832
Oh my God.
397
00:29:57,791 --> 00:29:59,874
What was the question?
398
00:30:00,250 --> 00:30:02,582
It'll keep, Hymie.
399
00:30:08,250 --> 00:30:09,910
Are you sure this
guy's your uncle?
400
00:30:09,911 --> 00:30:11,832
Yeah, and I told you
he's your uncle too.
401
00:30:11,916 --> 00:30:13,255
Listen, I told you, don't tell me,
402
00:30:13,256 --> 00:30:14,790
don't explain it to
me again, please.
403
00:30:15,500 --> 00:30:17,299
He's my mother's
brother, who moved
404
00:30:17,300 --> 00:30:18,749
to California, and my mother
405
00:30:18,875 --> 00:30:21,624
is your father's sister, and
you're my mother's brother's son.
406
00:30:27,375 --> 00:30:28,688
Is that our uncle?
407
00:30:28,689 --> 00:30:31,249
As... as they said,
he had... er...
408
00:30:31,333 --> 00:30:34,415
er... a white limo. I ain't
seen him in 20 years.
409
00:30:34,875 --> 00:30:37,332
He's from your side of the family.
410
00:30:38,625 --> 00:30:40,874
Uncle Cal?
411
00:30:43,333 --> 00:30:47,540
Howdy, boys. Cal's the
name and cars is my game.
412
00:30:47,625 --> 00:30:51,790
Got some real sweetheart for
little down and 9.9% financing.
413
00:30:52,541 --> 00:30:57,332
Uncle Cal, I'm your nephew...
er... Melvin from North Carolina.
414
00:30:57,750 --> 00:30:59,768
You're my brother
and sister's boy?
415
00:30:59,769 --> 00:31:01,999
And I'm your nephew
Tony from Brooklyn.
416
00:31:02,333 --> 00:31:04,749
What pair are you out of?
417
00:31:05,000 --> 00:31:06,642
Well, it don't matter. Guess you
418
00:31:06,643 --> 00:31:08,540
boys are wandering
about my driver?
419
00:31:10,833 --> 00:31:13,499
He sure looks a little... er...
little... er... little...
420
00:31:13,916 --> 00:31:15,749
He's weird.
421
00:31:15,791 --> 00:31:18,540
Yeah, I mean, is it easy to
get a licence in this town?
422
00:31:18,666 --> 00:31:21,749
Oh, he ain't got no
licence. Come here.
423
00:31:22,500 --> 00:31:24,875
I do all the driving
from here. He just
424
00:31:24,876 --> 00:31:27,249
sits there and looks
like he's driving.
425
00:31:27,333 --> 00:31:30,124
It's a publicity
gimmick. I got a slogan:
426
00:31:30,250 --> 00:31:33,499
"If a monkey can
drive, so can you."
427
00:31:37,583 --> 00:31:41,290
I love this boy. He's
part of our family.
428
00:31:42,291 --> 00:31:45,290
Come on, son. Ain't he cute?
429
00:31:46,416 --> 00:31:50,165
Hey look. Hey, Uncle Cal.
We got a real real problem.
430
00:31:50,250 --> 00:31:54,165
Hey Uncle Cal, we ain't got any
money right now. We're flat broke.
431
00:31:54,250 --> 00:31:56,582
Yeah, but we need
a car right away.
432
00:31:58,000 --> 00:32:00,013
What are you boys doing out here?
433
00:32:00,014 --> 00:32:02,082
Uncle Cal, we... er... we're Ca...
434
00:32:02,416 --> 00:32:05,040
- We're Cannon...
- We are Cannonballers.
435
00:32:05,833 --> 00:32:08,999
Stop it, boy. I told you not
to play with the phones.
436
00:32:11,291 --> 00:32:14,499
Damn chimp costs me $300 a
month in wrong numbers.
437
00:32:15,750 --> 00:32:20,165
Hey, stop it, you primate.
That's it. I've had it with you.
438
00:32:20,500 --> 00:32:23,999
Excuse me, fellas. I've gotta
teach this old boy some manners.
439
00:32:25,000 --> 00:32:26,249
Son.
440
00:32:28,625 --> 00:32:30,249
Now you've stepped in it.
441
00:32:34,625 --> 00:32:37,749
Boys, I got one
condition on the deal.
442
00:32:37,916 --> 00:32:40,576
I'm gonna give you the
limo, but only if you
443
00:32:40,577 --> 00:32:42,999
take this hairy
son-of-a-bitch with you.
444
00:32:48,125 --> 00:32:50,656
If he's a choreographer,
I'm an aviator.
445
00:32:50,657 --> 00:32:51,657
Really?
446
00:32:52,000 --> 00:32:55,593
Same old slop. Let's
go to the coffee shop.
447
00:32:55,594 --> 00:32:56,790
Alright.
448
00:32:57,041 --> 00:32:59,540
- See you at the matinee?
- Yeah.
449
00:33:00,541 --> 00:33:03,790
If I have to sing "Sound of music"
one more time, I'm gonna croak.
450
00:33:03,875 --> 00:33:07,749
I'm so sick of the Crap
family, I'm gonna scream.
451
00:33:11,333 --> 00:33:14,582
- Oh, it's so crowded.
- Why do we eat here at all?
452
00:33:15,416 --> 00:33:17,735
Here Sisters, take this
table. We're finished.
453
00:33:17,736 --> 00:33:18,824
Oh, thank you.
454
00:33:18,825 --> 00:33:20,858
Very generous and
very sweet of you.
455
00:33:20,859 --> 00:33:22,790
Bless you. Awfully nice of you.
456
00:33:28,041 --> 00:33:31,290
I tell you, I'm sick of coffee
shops, I'm sick of the show.
457
00:33:31,583 --> 00:33:34,082
- I'm sick of show business.
- Betty, look at it this way:
458
00:33:34,166 --> 00:33:35,862
It's a stepping stone to Broadway.
459
00:33:35,863 --> 00:33:37,832
I'm getting out while
I'm at the bottom.
460
00:33:37,916 --> 00:33:41,082
Finito, Veronica. I wanna get
married, I wanna have a big house.
461
00:33:41,250 --> 00:33:44,165
I just wanna find some nice,
sweet, bozo millionaire.
462
00:33:44,413 --> 00:33:46,214
You know what I'm gonna do
with my half of the million?
463
00:33:46,215 --> 00:33:47,215
- Tell me.
- Alright.
464
00:33:47,250 --> 00:33:49,999
I'm gonna buy my mum a
great, big, brand new house.
465
00:33:50,333 --> 00:33:52,424
And I'm gonna buy my
nephew a pony. And I
466
00:33:52,425 --> 00:33:54,665
will get the kid a shovel,
because ponies...
467
00:33:54,791 --> 00:33:56,257
I tell you something.
468
00:33:56,258 --> 00:33:58,999
J.J., what are you
gonna do with yours?
469
00:33:59,041 --> 00:34:01,103
My money's gonna be gone,
before I even get to the car.
470
00:34:01,104 --> 00:34:02,104
Really?
471
00:34:03,583 --> 00:34:06,292
Come on, let's go
introduce ourselves.
472
00:34:06,293 --> 00:34:07,415
Are you crazy?
473
00:34:07,916 --> 00:34:10,665
- Oh my God.
- For Jesus Christ.
474
00:34:15,416 --> 00:34:17,997
Excuse us gentlemen,
but we have just
475
00:34:17,998 --> 00:34:20,374
spilled coffee all over the table.
476
00:34:20,500 --> 00:34:22,381
Would you mind, if
we sat with you?
477
00:34:22,382 --> 00:34:23,449
Sit with us?
478
00:34:23,450 --> 00:34:25,437
- You wanna join us?
- Oh no, don't get up.
479
00:34:25,439 --> 00:34:27,000
- Sure.
- Boy-nun, boy-nun.
480
00:34:27,916 --> 00:34:30,665
- Boy-nun, boy-nun?
- Thank you, Sir.
481
00:34:30,875 --> 00:34:32,423
J.J., they're gonna join us.
482
00:34:32,425 --> 00:34:33,750
- Yeah.
- Thank you.
483
00:34:33,833 --> 00:34:36,249
- I'm Sister Veronica.
- And I'm Sister Betty.
484
00:34:36,389 --> 00:34:37,389
How do you do?
485
00:34:37,390 --> 00:34:40,249
I'm J.J. McClure and
this is Victor Prinze.
486
00:34:40,583 --> 00:34:43,540
- We're partners.
- Are you boys married?
487
00:34:44,000 --> 00:34:46,249
No, just partners.
488
00:34:48,500 --> 00:34:51,874
- Partners? Well, sweet.
- Sister Betty?
489
00:34:52,000 --> 00:34:53,506
That's correct. But
we're not partners,
490
00:34:53,507 --> 00:34:54,749
we're sisters. Not real sisters.
491
00:34:54,875 --> 00:34:57,487
We're just in the
same order together.
492
00:34:57,488 --> 00:35:00,290
So what do you gentlemen
do for a living?
493
00:35:00,791 --> 00:35:03,165
We race across the
country. For money.
494
00:35:03,250 --> 00:35:06,499
Oh, and we're gonna have a
race today to the East Coast.
495
00:35:06,666 --> 00:35:09,040
Are you racing to Broadway?
496
00:35:11,333 --> 00:35:13,665
Connecticut. What order
did you say you're from?
497
00:35:13,833 --> 00:35:16,290
Oh, actually it's just
a... a bunch of girls.
498
00:35:16,416 --> 00:35:17,455
Bunch of girls?
499
00:35:17,456 --> 00:35:19,624
We're affiliated together
in the Order of...
500
00:35:19,875 --> 00:35:21,269
- Immaculate...
- Chastity.
501
00:35:21,271 --> 00:35:23,500
The Order of Immaculate Chastity.
502
00:35:23,875 --> 00:35:28,332
The Order of Immaculate Chastity.
I read the Bible all the time.
503
00:35:28,500 --> 00:35:31,749
In fact, I read the Bible that was
printed on the head of a pin.
504
00:35:32,000 --> 00:35:34,540
That was hard. But I
never heard of the...
505
00:35:34,833 --> 00:35:36,440
Well, you have to read
the New Testament.
506
00:35:36,441 --> 00:35:38,124
That... It's not even
in the New Testament.
507
00:35:38,250 --> 00:35:39,330
It's the New...
508
00:35:39,332 --> 00:35:40,916
- New Wave.
- Aha.
509
00:35:41,166 --> 00:35:43,207
New... New Test... very
progressive Testament.
510
00:35:43,208 --> 00:35:44,249
We'll try to catch it.
511
00:35:45,250 --> 00:35:47,540
We have holy work to do. Let's go.
512
00:35:47,875 --> 00:35:50,249
Okay. Well, maybe some other time.
513
00:35:51,000 --> 00:35:53,166
At what time did you
say your race is?
514
00:35:53,168 --> 00:35:55,500
- Noon.
- At the Portofino Inn, Sister.
515
00:35:56,291 --> 00:35:59,290
- Goodbye, Sister Veronica.
- Come, Sister Betty.
516
00:35:59,500 --> 00:36:00,762
Nice meeting you, Sister.
517
00:36:00,764 --> 00:36:02,125
- Thank you.
- Bye bye.
518
00:36:02,250 --> 00:36:05,040
Come on, hurry Sister Betty, we
have lots of lepers waiting.
519
00:36:07,000 --> 00:36:08,474
- Don Don?
- What is this now?
520
00:36:08,476 --> 00:36:09,791
Everything is fine.
521
00:36:10,000 --> 00:36:13,499
What we did is, we put
our heads together
522
00:36:13,791 --> 00:36:17,624
and we're gonna rip off the Arab
on the road during the car race.
523
00:36:18,041 --> 00:36:20,143
You put your heads
together, huh? It
524
00:36:20,144 --> 00:36:22,415
must have sounded
like a bowling alley.
525
00:36:22,781 --> 00:36:23,781
Yes, Don Don.
526
00:36:23,782 --> 00:36:26,624
We need millions of dollars
by... what time is it now?
527
00:36:26,750 --> 00:36:28,832
Oh my God. By tomorrow.
528
00:36:29,333 --> 00:36:32,582
If we can get the sheikh,
we got the money.
529
00:36:32,875 --> 00:36:36,415
He wants us to rip off the
Arab and then kidnap him.
530
00:36:36,625 --> 00:36:37,656
What for?
531
00:36:37,657 --> 00:36:40,749
What for? Ransom,
you idiots. Ransom.
532
00:36:40,791 --> 00:36:42,915
R-A-N-S-U-M. Ransom.
533
00:36:43,166 --> 00:36:44,422
Understand, you imbeciles?
534
00:36:44,423 --> 00:36:46,082
You got it. Please calm yourself.
535
00:36:46,250 --> 00:36:48,249
- Tell this to Hymie.
- Okay, have a nice day.
536
00:37:34,875 --> 00:37:39,832
J.J., is that legal? Both
of them? At the same time?
537
00:37:43,166 --> 00:37:46,915
J.J., you're bad.
Hi Jill, Hi Marcie.
538
00:37:47,333 --> 00:37:49,499
Cute car.
539
00:37:50,333 --> 00:37:53,874
Imagine the stories J.J.'s
making up about last night.
540
00:37:54,000 --> 00:37:55,799
He's driving poor Victor crazy.
541
00:37:55,800 --> 00:37:58,415
Yeah. Poor Victor's
buying every word of it.
542
00:37:58,791 --> 00:38:00,884
Well, what he doesn't
know ain't gonna hurt us.
543
00:38:00,885 --> 00:38:01,885
Never has.
544
00:38:02,041 --> 00:38:04,790
- Let's check out our competition.
- Alright.
545
00:38:06,750 --> 00:38:09,665
Well, you look great. You
really do. You look real sexy.
546
00:38:09,833 --> 00:38:11,290
Sexy?
547
00:38:13,375 --> 00:38:15,426
- You look...
- And I look like a turd.
548
00:38:15,427 --> 00:38:18,040
- No, you don't.
- J.J., what am I supposed to be?
549
00:38:18,125 --> 00:38:20,540
You're a career army man.
550
00:38:22,166 --> 00:38:24,499
Forty years in the army,
the backbone of the army.
551
00:38:24,625 --> 00:38:25,907
- Alright.
- Alright.
552
00:38:25,909 --> 00:38:26,909
Man.
553
00:38:27,250 --> 00:38:29,322
- Wish I had a medal.
- You want a medal?
554
00:38:29,323 --> 00:38:30,999
Well, I'd like to have a medal.
555
00:38:31,662 --> 00:38:32,662
- Take one.
- Oh, no.
556
00:38:32,663 --> 00:38:34,790
- Take one, you're my friend.
- I couldn't take
557
00:38:34,875 --> 00:38:36,585
one of your medals.
I couldn't do it.
558
00:38:36,586 --> 00:38:38,124
Take anyone you like. I love you.
559
00:38:38,250 --> 00:38:39,874
Okay.
560
00:38:40,166 --> 00:38:41,529
This is a nice one right here.
561
00:38:41,531 --> 00:38:42,666
- That one.
- Thanks.
562
00:38:42,791 --> 00:38:44,915
Oh, this is really swell.
563
00:38:45,750 --> 00:38:48,749
The Congressional Medal of
Honour. Thank you very much.
564
00:38:49,375 --> 00:38:51,499
That's really nice.
565
00:38:51,791 --> 00:38:56,999
Oh boy... Oh, and it's so shiny.
I'm real glad. I love it.
566
00:38:57,125 --> 00:38:58,397
- Oh, look, J.J.
- Ah.
567
00:38:58,399 --> 00:39:00,625
- Good morning.
- Good morning.
568
00:39:01,125 --> 00:39:04,540
General? Are you a General?
General J.J. McClure.
569
00:39:04,791 --> 00:39:05,957
Oh, you're a private.
570
00:39:05,959 --> 00:39:07,791
- National Guard.
- Listen...
571
00:39:07,916 --> 00:39:10,874
The Lord asks a favour and
we ask a favour of you.
572
00:39:11,125 --> 00:39:13,153
We have an emergency
in New York and
573
00:39:13,154 --> 00:39:15,290
it's very important
that we get there.
574
00:39:15,666 --> 00:39:17,981
And we've lost our means
of transportation.
575
00:39:17,982 --> 00:39:19,290
And our vows of poverty
576
00:39:19,375 --> 00:39:21,776
prevent us from
travelling commercially.
577
00:39:21,777 --> 00:39:23,415
Could we go along with you?
578
00:39:23,833 --> 00:39:26,540
We only have 48 hours to get
there, you see. Otherwise...
579
00:39:27,250 --> 00:39:29,790
the lepers might cause a panic.
580
00:39:30,250 --> 00:39:31,280
The lepers?
581
00:39:31,281 --> 00:39:34,290
Yes. We treated lepers on Molokai,
582
00:39:34,416 --> 00:39:35,957
and now several
hundred of them have
583
00:39:35,958 --> 00:39:37,540
made their way East
to the Big Apple.
584
00:39:37,666 --> 00:39:39,416
We'd like to continue
treating them.
585
00:39:39,417 --> 00:39:40,449
Oh...
586
00:39:40,450 --> 00:39:42,061
Oh, sure Sister, this
is gonna be swell.
587
00:39:42,062 --> 00:39:43,099
Excuse me.
588
00:39:43,100 --> 00:39:44,701
Excuse me. Just one minute.
589
00:39:44,703 --> 00:39:46,125
- What?
- Come here.
590
00:39:46,562 --> 00:39:47,562
What?
591
00:39:47,563 --> 00:39:49,499
How could you tell
'em "The Big Apple"?
592
00:39:50,083 --> 00:39:51,467
The lepers? Big Apple?
593
00:39:51,468 --> 00:39:53,699
Well, The Big Apple
is New York, J.J.
594
00:39:53,700 --> 00:39:54,735
I know that.
595
00:39:54,736 --> 00:39:56,540
And I didn't even know
they had lepers there.
596
00:39:56,666 --> 00:39:58,645
Listen to me. We can't
take nuns along.
597
00:39:58,646 --> 00:39:59,675
- Oh please.
- No.
598
00:39:59,676 --> 00:40:02,415
What, if we're driving along and I
see a pretty girl hitch-hiking?
599
00:40:02,541 --> 00:40:04,216
She wants to get in
the car, a little
600
00:40:04,217 --> 00:40:05,582
action? And we got nuns along?
601
00:40:05,666 --> 00:40:08,874
- I'm good, but I'm not that good.
- Listen, if we take these nuns
602
00:40:09,000 --> 00:40:11,249
I bet that God will
be our co-pilot.
603
00:40:11,500 --> 00:40:12,665
Well...
604
00:40:17,375 --> 00:40:18,915
- Why not?
- Oh, J.J.
605
00:40:19,791 --> 00:40:23,249
- You can come along.
- Oh, bless you, my son.
606
00:40:23,375 --> 00:40:25,274
Oh, J.J. You'll get
your reward in heaven.
607
00:40:25,275 --> 00:40:26,624
I don't wanna wait that long.
608
00:40:28,000 --> 00:40:29,187
Snappy bags, huh?
609
00:40:29,188 --> 00:40:31,499
- It's purple for Lent.
- Ah. Good.
610
00:40:32,291 --> 00:40:34,450
I should tell you
something. When we're gonna
611
00:40:34,451 --> 00:40:36,374
be in the car, it'll
be kind of cramped.
612
00:40:37,000 --> 00:40:38,721
- It'll be alright?
- Of course.
613
00:40:38,723 --> 00:40:40,041
It'll be alright.
614
00:40:41,000 --> 00:40:45,249
My Milly took a vow of chastity.
She had headaches all the time.
615
00:40:47,500 --> 00:40:49,665
Well, well, well...
616
00:40:49,875 --> 00:40:54,499
Look who we have here. General
Patton... and General Admission.
617
00:40:57,166 --> 00:40:59,061
Heckle and Jeckle dressed as cops.
618
00:40:59,062 --> 00:41:01,290
Gotta arrest their
minds for vagrancy.
619
00:41:01,750 --> 00:41:05,374
- Any problems, officers?
- Are you kidding, Ladies?
620
00:41:05,500 --> 00:41:07,566
I might as well tell you
something. We tried
621
00:41:07,567 --> 00:41:09,540
it at the last race,
dressed like priests.
622
00:41:09,666 --> 00:41:12,749
We didn't win. It didn't help
us and it ain't gonna help you.
623
00:41:14,416 --> 00:41:17,874
Now, as a law enforcement
officer I exercise my rights
624
00:41:18,000 --> 00:41:22,165
to take these two young ladies and
submit them to a very nice long
625
00:41:22,375 --> 00:41:23,937
and thorough body search.
626
00:41:23,939 --> 00:41:25,750
- Shame on you.
- Listen.
627
00:41:26,000 --> 00:41:28,153
These are real nuns. This is not a
628
00:41:28,154 --> 00:41:30,749
Halloween party. Have
a little respect.
629
00:41:32,291 --> 00:41:34,790
I'm up to here with you.
630
00:41:52,333 --> 00:41:53,415
You're sick.
631
00:41:54,000 --> 00:41:57,415
Gather around, look this way.
Fenderboom, Blake, J.J., Victor...
632
00:41:58,583 --> 00:42:01,582
Fellow Cannonballers,
give me your attention.
633
00:42:02,125 --> 00:42:04,582
Allah came to me one
night and said:
634
00:42:04,666 --> 00:42:07,290
"Falafel, be a sport."
635
00:42:07,625 --> 00:42:10,499
"Spread the wealth before
Khomeini gets it all."
636
00:42:12,041 --> 00:42:15,749
Please, please... The
important thing to know is
637
00:42:16,333 --> 00:42:23,249
that I personally am donating the
purse of $1 million to the winner.
638
00:42:32,250 --> 00:42:37,374
Remember the golden rule: He who
has the gold makes the rules.
639
00:42:37,666 --> 00:42:39,790
I go first.
640
00:42:41,791 --> 00:42:43,626
General, will this
trip be dangerous?
641
00:42:43,627 --> 00:42:45,415
Oh, I don't think
dangerous, Sister.
642
00:42:45,541 --> 00:42:48,040
Maybe exciting, but...
643
00:42:50,625 --> 00:42:53,832
Hello everyone... Good
to see you again.
644
00:42:54,416 --> 00:42:56,569
J.J., I shall endeavour
to get you the win.
645
00:42:56,570 --> 00:42:59,756
Throw the little nuns in
the car and let's be off.
646
00:42:59,757 --> 00:43:01,790
Does your friend have
an identity problem?
647
00:43:02,500 --> 00:43:04,874
No problem and no time, Sister.
648
00:43:06,291 --> 00:43:07,989
General, you should
be in the back.
649
00:43:07,990 --> 00:43:09,499
Sister Betty, up front with me.
650
00:43:09,750 --> 00:43:11,415
Boy-nun, boy-nun.
651
00:43:13,416 --> 00:43:16,332
- Isn't he adorable?
- I heard that.
652
00:43:19,250 --> 00:43:20,999
The jury's still out on that.
653
00:43:21,416 --> 00:43:26,165
Here is to good luck.
May it all be mine.
654
00:45:08,000 --> 00:45:10,665
I don't understand this, Tony.
655
00:45:11,041 --> 00:45:15,249
For the last time: I hit the
back of the Arab's car,
656
00:45:15,791 --> 00:45:19,249
push a button, presto. These
things clamp onto the bumper.
657
00:45:19,833 --> 00:45:23,665
Then I step on the brakes.
We stop, get out of the car,
658
00:45:23,791 --> 00:45:27,790
and snatch him... Now
do you understand?
659
00:45:30,375 --> 00:45:31,790
Yeah...
660
00:45:51,833 --> 00:45:55,749
- Attention: Smokey in pursuit.
- Oh, trouble.
661
00:45:59,000 --> 00:46:02,749
- Well, do something high-tech.
- Smokey... gaining.
662
00:46:05,500 --> 00:46:07,290
Afterburner... ready.
663
00:46:18,291 --> 00:46:21,124
Boy, that's what I
call a high-tech.
664
00:46:28,000 --> 00:46:32,915
- Here they come.
- Still seems complicated, Tony.
665
00:46:33,291 --> 00:46:37,665
It's a piece of cake. I just speed
up and I get to his back bumper.
666
00:46:38,041 --> 00:46:39,999
Here we go. Get ready. Easing up.
667
00:46:40,375 --> 00:46:42,832
Now don't blow it.
Just hit the button.
668
00:46:43,083 --> 00:46:47,124
Easing up. Easing up. Now. Now.
669
00:46:47,916 --> 00:46:50,579
You're not holding the
wheel steady, Tony.
670
00:46:50,580 --> 00:46:51,999
Hey, you wanna drive?
671
00:46:52,750 --> 00:46:54,165
Hit it.
672
00:46:56,333 --> 00:46:59,270
Nothing can separate
us now. Nothing.
673
00:46:59,271 --> 00:47:00,271
Nothing.
674
00:47:08,375 --> 00:47:12,249
Maybe it only works on
American cars, Tony?
675
00:47:25,541 --> 00:47:27,582
Oh, how sweet.
676
00:47:44,333 --> 00:47:46,415
Can I help you, ma'am?
677
00:47:51,000 --> 00:47:53,600
Aren't we going above
the speed limit?
678
00:47:53,601 --> 00:47:55,249
Yes, 110, Sister Betty.
679
00:47:58,250 --> 00:48:01,249
- Oh, this is exciting.
- Are you blessing my leg?
680
00:48:02,375 --> 00:48:03,582
Yeah.
681
00:48:06,791 --> 00:48:09,082
Keep blessing, sister.
682
00:48:13,375 --> 00:48:14,926
We just passed this police car.
683
00:48:14,927 --> 00:48:17,040
That's alright. We
pass 'em all the time.
684
00:48:17,500 --> 00:48:22,082
- Sarge, are we doing 80?
- Yeah, we sure are.
685
00:48:22,250 --> 00:48:24,533
Did they just pass us like
we were standing still?
686
00:48:24,534 --> 00:48:26,040
Let me tell you what to do, son.
687
00:48:26,416 --> 00:48:28,853
Buckle up. You're
taking part in your
688
00:48:28,854 --> 00:48:31,290
first high-speed
pursuit and capture.
689
00:48:33,833 --> 00:48:37,110
It's following us. The
police car's following us.
690
00:48:37,111 --> 00:48:38,749
Probably recognised me.
691
00:48:46,000 --> 00:48:49,040
- What?
- I mean, it's not my life style.
692
00:48:49,166 --> 00:48:50,624
- I don't...
- No, you're fine.
693
00:48:53,291 --> 00:48:55,595
You're shaking. I'll
hold your hand.
694
00:48:55,596 --> 00:48:57,249
Oh, thank you, thank you.
695
00:48:57,416 --> 00:49:00,624
- Oh, they're so warm.
- J.J. is the warmest.
696
00:49:01,000 --> 00:49:03,767
Sister Betty, he has
such warm skin.
697
00:49:03,768 --> 00:49:05,540
He has such warm skin?
698
00:49:06,083 --> 00:49:08,124
You should feel the
heater up here.
699
00:49:10,125 --> 00:49:11,942
Noticed how I took
that last curve? High
700
00:49:11,943 --> 00:49:13,582
and wide, straight
through the apex.
701
00:49:13,666 --> 00:49:16,499
Pick up about 15 mph
more coming out.
702
00:49:34,916 --> 00:49:37,332
- What are you writing?
- The accident report.
703
00:49:41,541 --> 00:49:42,541
Damn.
704
00:49:43,250 --> 00:49:46,915
- Tony, are you sure about this?
- Stop complaining.
705
00:49:47,041 --> 00:49:50,227
Statistics proof flying
is safer than driving.
706
00:49:50,228 --> 00:49:51,332
Is that right?
707
00:49:55,291 --> 00:50:00,540
Sideward and rearward manoeuvring
is accomplished by...
708
00:50:01,791 --> 00:50:05,249
oh, am I mad at you. You told
me you could fly this thing.
709
00:50:05,375 --> 00:50:08,499
We almost got killed
three times already.
710
00:50:11,416 --> 00:50:13,473
Will you shut up an
read the instructions?
711
00:50:13,474 --> 00:50:15,290
Or we'll be killed
for the last time.
712
00:50:15,416 --> 00:50:18,540
You're getting me crazy. This
thing can not fly by itself.
713
00:50:36,166 --> 00:50:39,749
- We're levelling out.
- Alright, so we didn't crash.
714
00:50:39,833 --> 00:50:42,520
Now, explain to me about the
magnet on the helicopter.
715
00:50:42,521 --> 00:50:43,521
Why?
716
00:50:43,541 --> 00:50:45,717
This scheme is too
complicated for me.
717
00:50:45,718 --> 00:50:47,999
The alphabet is too
complicated for you.
718
00:50:48,125 --> 00:50:50,452
It's simple: this magnet
is powerful enough
719
00:50:50,453 --> 00:50:52,832
to pick a Brinks truck
right off the street.
720
00:50:53,125 --> 00:50:55,415
Oh, a Brinks truck, huh?
721
00:51:02,583 --> 00:51:04,792
Here's your sandwich,
Your Highness.
722
00:51:04,793 --> 00:51:06,832
You'd better not, Your Royalship.
723
00:51:07,000 --> 00:51:10,415
That salami will kick the
shit out of your ulcer.
724
00:51:14,250 --> 00:51:18,290
- Wait, wait. There's the Rolls.
- Ha. Good.
725
00:51:22,416 --> 00:51:24,237
This flying is a piece of cake.
726
00:51:24,238 --> 00:51:26,499
Now that we found
'em, what do we do?
727
00:51:27,000 --> 00:51:29,093
Are you kidding? I just
sneak up behind 'em.
728
00:51:29,094 --> 00:51:30,999
They probably won't
even know I'm there.
729
00:51:31,083 --> 00:51:33,999
Then, at the right second:
zappo. We snatch 'em.
730
00:51:34,083 --> 00:51:36,499
Oh. Smart.
731
00:51:36,666 --> 00:51:41,290
Why did I ever doubt you Tony? I'm
too dumb to question smart people.
732
00:51:41,666 --> 00:51:43,790
This is true.
733
00:51:44,250 --> 00:51:46,299
Tony, don't you think
you're too low?
734
00:51:46,300 --> 00:51:47,374
That's a negative.
735
00:51:48,291 --> 00:51:49,680
It looks a little low, Tony.
736
00:51:49,681 --> 00:51:51,624
I can see it through
the window, okay?
737
00:51:54,750 --> 00:51:57,290
A little bit to the left.
738
00:51:58,041 --> 00:51:59,424
A little more to the left.
739
00:51:59,425 --> 00:52:01,499
How did you get here?
The Tooth Fairy?
740
00:52:01,625 --> 00:52:05,165
- I flew you here, shmuck.
- Now, down a little.
741
00:52:05,500 --> 00:52:08,499
Hit the button on the magnet.
742
00:52:08,791 --> 00:52:11,999
I love being a gangster.
743
00:52:14,750 --> 00:52:17,297
We're on like glue.
Nothing, nothing
744
00:52:17,298 --> 00:52:19,499
could separate us now. Nothing.
745
00:52:21,750 --> 00:52:24,249
- Up, up and away.
- Up, up and away.
746
00:52:26,000 --> 00:52:28,124
Listen.
747
00:52:28,250 --> 00:52:31,665
Up, up and awaaay...
748
00:52:35,125 --> 00:52:36,989
I don't know why it ain't working.
749
00:52:36,990 --> 00:52:38,249
Could be the fan belt.
750
00:52:39,833 --> 00:52:43,374
Maybe it don't work on
nothing but Brinks trucks.
751
00:52:43,666 --> 00:52:49,249
Don't worry about it. I'll have
it all figured out in a second.
752
00:52:50,000 --> 00:52:52,165
Tony, is your seat belt on?
753
00:53:18,666 --> 00:53:23,415
Hep. Eating time. You feed
him, and... I'll drive.
754
00:53:23,541 --> 00:53:26,374
No, no, no. It's your turn.
You feed him. Come on.
755
00:53:29,583 --> 00:53:31,290
Here you go. Oh...
756
00:53:32,875 --> 00:53:35,645
Son-of-a-bitch.
That son-of-a-bitch
757
00:53:35,646 --> 00:53:38,415
is crazy. He's got
a mental case...
758
00:53:53,541 --> 00:53:54,942
- Corporal.
- Yes, sir.
759
00:53:54,943 --> 00:53:57,499
- You're driving well.
- Thank you, sir.
760
00:53:59,291 --> 00:54:01,284
Sister Betty? You
know, I was raised a
761
00:54:01,285 --> 00:54:03,124
Catholic and I'm
really interested.
762
00:54:03,250 --> 00:54:06,749
Could you tell us more about the
Order of the Immaculate Charity?
763
00:54:07,125 --> 00:54:09,540
- Chastity.
- Chastity.
764
00:54:09,625 --> 00:54:11,999
He always get those
words mixed up.
765
00:54:13,125 --> 00:54:16,290
Well... I think it's time
for us to get some sleep.
766
00:54:16,541 --> 00:54:17,593
Oh sure. Good.
767
00:54:17,594 --> 00:54:19,960
So if you just excuse us, we'd
like to have a little privacy.
768
00:54:19,961 --> 00:54:20,961
Sure.
769
00:54:21,166 --> 00:54:23,445
Go ahead, there's...
Just put that...
770
00:54:23,446 --> 00:54:25,040
- Good night.
- Good night.
771
00:54:31,666 --> 00:54:35,499
Hey, am I crazy? Or are those the
friendliest nuns you've ever seen?
772
00:54:35,750 --> 00:54:38,540
- Isn't Sister Betty cute?
- I'd...
773
00:54:39,833 --> 00:54:42,249
I'd like to jump her bones.
774
00:54:42,541 --> 00:54:43,843
J.J., bite your tongue.
775
00:54:43,844 --> 00:54:46,499
- Can't help it. I'm sorry.
- Aren't you ashamed?
776
00:54:46,541 --> 00:54:47,541
I would.
777
00:54:47,542 --> 00:54:49,999
Oh my goodness. Why
would you say such a...
778
00:54:55,125 --> 00:54:57,124
- That's sacrilegious.
- These are human beings.
779
00:54:57,250 --> 00:54:59,687
And I'd be very interested
to know how you make out.
780
00:54:59,688 --> 00:55:00,688
Huh?
781
00:55:01,125 --> 00:55:03,624
Because I been thinking about
getting into Sister Betty's pants.
782
00:55:10,416 --> 00:55:12,582
Oh God, forgive me...
783
00:55:27,125 --> 00:55:30,165
Morning officer.
Nice day, isn't it?
784
00:55:30,375 --> 00:55:32,780
Get out of the road, fat boy,
before you get run over. Come on.
785
00:55:32,781 --> 00:55:33,781
Okay.
786
00:55:38,083 --> 00:55:40,415
- Good morning.
- Goddamn. A General.
787
00:55:42,083 --> 00:55:44,257
Now, what seems to be
the problem, officer?
788
00:55:44,258 --> 00:55:46,290
We have speed limits
in this here state.
789
00:55:46,916 --> 00:55:49,832
- Even in a nuclear emergency?
- What emergency?
790
00:55:50,583 --> 00:55:52,202
We can't talk about it, officer.
791
00:55:52,203 --> 00:55:53,737
Let me see your driver's licence.
792
00:55:53,738 --> 00:55:54,738
No.
793
00:55:54,739 --> 00:55:57,332
I have radioactive breath.
794
00:55:58,666 --> 00:56:00,371
What are you boys trying to pull?
795
00:56:00,372 --> 00:56:02,124
There has been a nuclear meltdown.
796
00:56:02,500 --> 00:56:05,249
We're taking some contaminated
material to Connecticut.
797
00:56:05,333 --> 00:56:07,999
Why Connecticut?
798
00:56:09,041 --> 00:56:10,832
They ran out.
799
00:56:11,583 --> 00:56:13,332
Bullshit.
800
00:56:14,625 --> 00:56:17,499
- Hey, uncle Hinky.
- Homer. My nephew.
801
00:56:17,791 --> 00:56:19,779
- We'll wait for you, Homer.
- Thanks, Sir.
802
00:56:19,780 --> 00:56:20,999
How you're doing, Homer?
803
00:56:21,083 --> 00:56:23,083
Goddamn, I didn't know
you was coming home.
804
00:56:23,084 --> 00:56:24,084
Private.
805
00:56:26,083 --> 00:56:28,040
Yes sir, General.
806
00:56:28,250 --> 00:56:29,753
What are you doing here, son?
807
00:56:29,754 --> 00:56:31,790
Well, I had a 3-day
pass to come home.
808
00:56:31,875 --> 00:56:34,009
It's the first one I
had in two years.
809
00:56:34,010 --> 00:56:35,415
I'm gonna commandeer you
810
00:56:35,541 --> 00:56:37,947
to drive this car to Connecticut.
Get in the car, son.
811
00:56:37,948 --> 00:56:38,948
Yes, Sir.
812
00:56:38,949 --> 00:56:42,415
Hold it. Ain't nobody going no
place till I phoned this here in.
813
00:56:42,666 --> 00:56:44,924
Uncle Hinky, I gotta do
what he says. He got
814
00:56:44,925 --> 00:56:47,082
more medals than all
at the base together.
815
00:56:47,250 --> 00:56:49,874
It don't make no difference.
I phone it in anyway.
816
00:56:52,000 --> 00:56:54,832
- Good morning, officer.
- Sweet Jesus.
817
00:56:55,166 --> 00:56:57,540
- General, why are we stopping?
- I'm sorry, Sister.
818
00:56:57,666 --> 00:57:00,499
I was just explaining to the
sheriff the purpose of my mission.
819
00:57:01,125 --> 00:57:04,624
- You carry nuns with you?
- In case we don't...
820
00:57:04,750 --> 00:57:07,249
- make it, you know?
- Oh, really?
821
00:57:07,791 --> 00:57:09,263
There's a higher purpose involved,
822
00:57:09,264 --> 00:57:11,082
officer. Only the Lord
knows what it is.
823
00:57:11,833 --> 00:57:15,249
The safety of our nation depends
on the speed of our mission.
824
00:57:16,083 --> 00:57:18,249
Wow. Praise the Lord.
825
00:57:18,333 --> 00:57:20,688
Well, in that case
I'll give you a police
826
00:57:20,689 --> 00:57:22,874
escort all the way
to the county line.
827
00:57:23,000 --> 00:57:24,624
- Bless you.
- Sheriff...
828
00:57:24,750 --> 00:57:27,624
I just want you to know something:
America needs your help.
829
00:57:27,750 --> 00:57:29,576
There are two
communists disguised as
830
00:57:29,577 --> 00:57:31,499
policemen chasing us
in a red Corvette.
831
00:57:31,916 --> 00:57:34,374
- Commies.
- No shit?
832
00:57:35,125 --> 00:57:37,124
No shit.
833
00:57:38,541 --> 00:57:40,362
Now, don't go arguing
with me. I've
834
00:57:40,363 --> 00:57:42,082
got it straight from the General.
835
00:57:42,250 --> 00:57:44,307
There are two
communists dressed up
836
00:57:44,308 --> 00:57:46,249
as policemen in a red Corvette...
837
00:57:46,333 --> 00:57:49,332
trying to steal our
nuclear shit. Shoot 'em.
838
00:57:49,500 --> 00:57:52,790
The fate of the country depends
on it, do you hear me?
839
00:57:55,666 --> 00:57:58,999
Headquarters, this is units 2
and 5 eastbound on Highway 10.
840
00:57:59,250 --> 00:58:01,249
We got those commies
in our sights.
841
00:58:01,250 --> 00:58:02,250
Commies?
842
00:58:02,750 --> 00:58:04,374
Now, I been called a
lot of things but
843
00:58:04,375 --> 00:58:05,915
I ain't never been
called no commie.
844
00:58:06,500 --> 00:58:08,379
I ain't even a Democrat.
845
00:58:08,380 --> 00:58:12,499
You can inform the General
they're as good as caught.
846
00:58:14,666 --> 00:58:16,582
The General... General?
847
00:58:18,041 --> 00:58:21,999
J.J. That son-of-a-bitch.
848
00:58:31,875 --> 00:58:35,040
Good, Blake. But not good enough.
849
00:58:35,125 --> 00:58:38,915
This is 2 and 5 again. We're
now westbound on Highway 10.
850
00:58:39,000 --> 00:58:42,415
This is the Captain. I want those
two foreigners brought in.
851
00:58:43,041 --> 00:58:45,832
- Dead or alive.
- Don't you worry about it.
852
00:58:46,000 --> 00:58:47,694
- You know what I'm gonna do?
- What?
853
00:58:47,695 --> 00:58:49,165
I'm gonna turn this car around
854
00:58:49,250 --> 00:58:53,040
and I am gonna block the
whole highway sideways.
855
00:58:53,166 --> 00:58:56,749
And when they come they have
a choice: either to ditch it
856
00:58:57,000 --> 00:58:59,749
or ram right straight into us.
857
00:59:00,416 --> 00:59:03,478
Just ditch it or...
ram straight into us?
858
00:59:03,479 --> 00:59:04,499
Yeah.
859
00:59:21,750 --> 00:59:25,499
Get outta here with these bananas.
I don't want the bananas.
860
00:59:27,166 --> 00:59:30,499
This is humiliating as hell...
er... sitting up here.
861
00:59:30,625 --> 00:59:36,082
Well, it's no picnic being
back here. Wacked-out monkey.
862
00:59:38,750 --> 00:59:41,040
Stop it. Well, keep your
hands off me, monkey.
863
00:59:50,666 --> 00:59:53,415
- What are you doing up here?
- Man, it's safer.
864
00:59:55,125 --> 00:59:57,165
- Well, who's driving?
- He is.
865
01:00:09,291 --> 01:00:13,999
Would you boys like to stay for
dinner? I just made noodle soup.
866
01:00:23,083 --> 01:00:26,124
Note, Blake. General Patton's car.
867
01:00:26,500 --> 01:00:28,915
Is the blimp driving?
868
01:00:29,000 --> 01:00:31,832
No. It's the General.
869
01:00:32,166 --> 01:00:34,249
The General, huh? Ha.
870
01:00:34,333 --> 01:00:38,040
Oh, I'm gonna make a
private out of him.
871
01:00:45,833 --> 01:00:49,999
It's money in the bank.
A million bucks.
872
01:00:54,875 --> 01:00:58,832
Oh, come on. It'll be a
weekend you'll never forget.
873
01:00:59,250 --> 01:01:01,874
- All three of us?
- Yep.
874
01:01:02,791 --> 01:01:04,592
It's gonna be a
weekend you can tell
875
01:01:04,593 --> 01:01:06,540
your kids about...
if they're all boys.
876
01:01:07,083 --> 01:01:09,236
Look, you guys thrashed
this gull-wing
877
01:01:09,237 --> 01:01:11,499
out. I didn't even pay
for that one yet.
878
01:01:11,625 --> 01:01:13,490
Listen, baby. We're
gonna be as gentle
879
01:01:13,491 --> 01:01:15,499
with that car as we're
gonna be with you.
880
01:01:15,750 --> 01:01:18,332
Real sound. Come on, what you say?
881
01:01:21,875 --> 01:01:22,875
Okay.
882
01:01:22,876 --> 01:01:24,250
- Alright.
- Okay.
883
01:01:24,416 --> 01:01:26,795
The keys are in the
car, but hurry back.
884
01:01:26,796 --> 01:01:28,999
My friends aren't
gonna believe this.
885
01:01:29,416 --> 01:01:31,260
Know what? You just
bring them too.
886
01:01:31,261 --> 01:01:32,261
Really?
887
01:01:32,262 --> 01:01:34,165
Sure. And don't
forget your camera.
888
01:01:34,583 --> 01:01:36,415
Really?
889
01:01:41,750 --> 01:01:43,750
You got a full tank
of gas in here?
890
01:01:43,751 --> 01:01:45,749
Please, be careful
with it. Please.
891
01:01:47,375 --> 01:01:49,249
I'll be real gentle.
892
01:02:19,791 --> 01:02:22,290
What do you want, Ching-Chong man?
893
01:02:32,000 --> 01:02:33,772
Help? Gee, there's
only a dozen of 'em.
894
01:02:33,773 --> 01:02:35,499
By the way, can you
split that for me?
895
01:02:38,750 --> 01:02:40,249
Thank you.
896
01:02:59,000 --> 01:03:00,790
I'll be there in a minute.
897
01:03:24,375 --> 01:03:26,966
That was wonderful.
You're great. Can you
898
01:03:26,967 --> 01:03:29,249
stay for dinner and
meet my parents?
899
01:03:31,500 --> 01:03:34,124
That was so great.
What's your name?
900
01:03:35,250 --> 01:03:38,249
Hey, we got a race to
finish. A million bucks.
901
01:03:40,750 --> 01:03:42,540
He can stay for dinner, too.
902
01:03:46,125 --> 01:03:47,527
Dammit. The race is
gonna be over, if
903
01:03:47,528 --> 01:03:49,040
they don't get their
buns out here soon.
904
01:03:53,250 --> 01:03:56,165
Golly. They changed their clothes.
905
01:03:58,750 --> 01:04:02,082
- You think we've gone too far?
- Probably.
906
01:04:04,625 --> 01:04:06,999
Let's go for it.
907
01:04:07,250 --> 01:04:09,145
You know, General?
I bet this mission
908
01:04:09,146 --> 01:04:10,790
is so secret you had 'em do this
909
01:04:10,916 --> 01:04:13,332
so Russian spies
wouldn't recognise 'em.
910
01:04:21,041 --> 01:04:23,499
We got a six-pack and some
chilli-dogs for the trip.
911
01:04:25,000 --> 01:04:28,249
I got one for you and
one for... "him".
912
01:04:40,625 --> 01:04:43,290
You've adapted to
civilian life very well.
913
01:04:47,000 --> 01:04:51,499
Oh my God. Private...
Walk this way.
914
01:04:54,333 --> 01:04:56,290
Nuns, huh?
915
01:04:59,250 --> 01:05:02,999
- Get in the car.
- Yes, General.
916
01:05:23,416 --> 01:05:27,374
Put that away. You
ain't gonna use it.
917
01:05:33,000 --> 01:05:35,332
To your right, Highness.
To your right.
918
01:05:37,625 --> 01:05:41,290
As soon as this cable
rips up the Rolls...
919
01:05:41,875 --> 01:05:44,665
- you grab the money...
- I grab the money?
920
01:05:44,791 --> 01:05:47,374
And I grab the sheikh or
what's left of 'em...
921
01:05:47,666 --> 01:05:49,915
- and we head back to Vegas.
- Vegas?
922
01:05:52,125 --> 01:05:55,082
Prince Falafel. Buy what?
923
01:05:56,833 --> 01:05:59,082
Nimitz? What's a Nimitz?
924
01:06:00,666 --> 01:06:03,249
The U.S.S. Nimitz, ah.
925
01:06:03,333 --> 01:06:06,999
I want to buy it. I want
to land my 747s on it.
926
01:06:08,000 --> 01:06:11,165
I don't care what
it costs. How much?
927
01:06:11,416 --> 01:06:14,915
- Feeling better now, aren't you?
- I can't hear you. Talk louder.
928
01:06:15,041 --> 01:06:17,382
I said, you're feeling
better now, aren't you?
929
01:06:17,383 --> 01:06:18,624
Yes, a thousand thanks.
930
01:06:18,750 --> 01:06:21,332
- No problem. Buy.
- Bye.
931
01:06:32,666 --> 01:06:33,853
Tighten it up, they're coming.
932
01:06:33,855 --> 01:06:35,041
- I tighten it.
- Tighter.
933
01:06:35,791 --> 01:06:38,499
Come. Hurry. Here it comes.
934
01:06:55,166 --> 01:06:57,465
Well yeah, you get
what you pay for.
935
01:06:57,466 --> 01:06:58,466
Oh, dammit.
936
01:06:58,750 --> 01:07:01,332
- What now?
- I don't know.
937
01:07:03,250 --> 01:07:06,332
- Well, get out and start smiling.
- Yeah, right.
938
01:07:21,625 --> 01:07:23,999
Don't blame me. I
didn't do nothing.
939
01:07:25,125 --> 01:07:26,999
Me neither. I'm just
following orders.
940
01:07:40,750 --> 01:07:42,930
We were turning about
8 grand when the
941
01:07:42,931 --> 01:07:44,999
gages lit up like a
pinball machine.
942
01:07:45,416 --> 01:07:48,290
Yeah, so we propped the hood
and there's oil leaking.
943
01:07:49,541 --> 01:07:51,906
- Right here.
- Does it look bad?
944
01:07:51,908 --> 01:07:54,500
Not from where I'm standing.
945
01:07:54,791 --> 01:07:56,484
Oh, can you fix it then?
946
01:07:56,485 --> 01:07:59,915
Honey, I got a tool
that'll fix anything.
947
01:08:01,500 --> 01:08:03,249
Oh, yeah?
948
01:08:17,083 --> 01:08:18,184
- Hey, sugar?
- Yeah?
949
01:08:18,185 --> 01:08:20,124
What have you got under the hood?
950
01:08:20,583 --> 01:08:23,999
Alright. That's a 454,
four on the floor.
951
01:08:24,666 --> 01:08:26,626
- Full house, with a blower.
- Yeah?
952
01:08:26,627 --> 01:08:28,374
She's a sweetheart, isn't she?
953
01:08:32,041 --> 01:08:34,499
It sure is hot out here, ain't it?
954
01:08:35,000 --> 01:08:37,999
Yeah, it really is.
955
01:08:42,083 --> 01:08:45,749
Why don't you relax, sugar?
Everything's gonna be just fine.
956
01:08:46,000 --> 01:08:49,040
I don't think my boss
wanted this to do 120 mph.
957
01:08:49,791 --> 01:08:51,024
Well, it's doing it.
958
01:08:51,025 --> 01:08:54,332
Come on, listen. Why don't
you just take me back and...
959
01:08:54,500 --> 01:08:55,928
My... Just take me back to my
960
01:08:55,929 --> 01:08:57,749
boss... Oh jeez,
am I gonna get it.
961
01:09:04,250 --> 01:09:07,624
What the heck. It's
only a job. Let's go.
962
01:09:08,666 --> 01:09:11,249
And it's gonna be a weekend
you'll never forget.
963
01:09:20,125 --> 01:09:24,290
Attention... Smokie in pursuit.
Attention... Smokie in...
964
01:09:24,375 --> 01:09:26,374
Battle stations.
965
01:09:27,833 --> 01:09:30,499
- Afterburner.
- Roger.
966
01:09:32,166 --> 01:09:35,415
Afterburner ready... 3, 2, 1...
967
01:09:35,500 --> 01:09:37,374
Ignition.
968
01:09:47,750 --> 01:09:51,299
- Turn it off.
- Turn it off.
969
01:09:52,250 --> 01:09:55,124
Prepare to crash dive.
970
01:10:10,833 --> 01:10:13,040
We just lost it.
971
01:10:30,625 --> 01:10:33,249
- Look, beer cans.
- Underwear?
972
01:10:33,500 --> 01:10:35,843
Now let's give 'em the oil slick.
973
01:10:35,844 --> 01:10:36,844
Yes, man.
974
01:10:41,625 --> 01:10:44,749
Oil slick... Sorry, fellas.
975
01:10:45,375 --> 01:10:49,465
- We're just doing our job.
- Yes, sorry.
976
01:10:50,041 --> 01:10:52,332
Attention... enemy astern.
977
01:10:52,666 --> 01:10:55,166
Let's see what's
happening. Up the scope.
978
01:10:55,167 --> 01:10:56,167
Okay.
979
01:11:13,083 --> 01:11:14,139
Quiet, please.
980
01:11:14,140 --> 01:11:16,582
Stand by for depth charge attack.
981
01:11:26,875 --> 01:11:28,732
Come on. Catch one. Pay attention.
982
01:11:28,733 --> 01:11:30,790
We've been coming
here for five years.
983
01:11:30,916 --> 01:11:32,298
- Five years.
- Without a fish.
984
01:11:32,299 --> 01:11:34,068
A big one's out there
for you, boys.
985
01:11:34,069 --> 01:11:35,069
You're sure?
986
01:11:35,070 --> 01:11:37,034
Darn right. I saw him
jump the other day. I
987
01:11:37,035 --> 01:11:39,124
took a picture, while
it was in the air.
988
01:11:39,750 --> 01:11:42,124
Picture weighed 13
and a half pounds.
989
01:11:43,166 --> 01:11:45,499
I really don't like this guy.
990
01:11:54,000 --> 01:11:56,165
Forward all engines.
991
01:12:14,375 --> 01:12:16,999
Come on, just pay attention
to what you're doing.
992
01:12:23,416 --> 01:12:25,665
All ahead full.
993
01:12:29,750 --> 01:12:31,499
- Let him go.
- No.
994
01:12:31,750 --> 01:12:34,874
We've caught ourselves
a Moby Dick.
995
01:12:35,750 --> 01:12:37,915
God damn, we're going with him.
996
01:12:45,875 --> 01:12:48,290
And you haven't seen
your family in 2 years?
997
01:12:48,291 --> 01:12:50,499
No, but I'm not
complaining. Duty calls.
998
01:12:51,454 --> 01:12:52,454
- General?
- What?
999
01:12:52,455 --> 01:12:54,999
How long do you think
the national emergency
1000
01:12:55,083 --> 01:12:58,040
will require the services
of Private Lyle here, Sir?
1001
01:12:58,766 --> 01:12:59,766
I don't know.
1002
01:12:59,767 --> 01:13:01,749
He hasn't seen his
family in 2 years.
1003
01:13:02,000 --> 01:13:05,360
J.J., that is not
nice. Truly isn't.
1004
01:13:05,361 --> 01:13:08,290
A General's work is never done.
1005
01:13:09,000 --> 01:13:10,543
- Private.
- Yes, Sir.
1006
01:13:10,545 --> 01:13:13,000
I've checked the Geiger counter
1007
01:13:13,666 --> 01:13:16,264
and the radioactivity
seems to be dropping. I
1008
01:13:16,265 --> 01:13:18,749
don't think we need
your services any more.
1009
01:13:19,250 --> 01:13:20,736
- Yes, sir.
- Pull over.
1010
01:13:20,738 --> 01:13:21,750
Yes, sir.
1011
01:13:43,666 --> 01:13:47,082
Private Lyle, you've rendered a
great service to this country.
1012
01:13:47,541 --> 01:13:49,328
You make me proud
to be in the same
1013
01:13:49,329 --> 01:13:51,165
army with a man with
your character.
1014
01:13:52,750 --> 01:13:55,749
I'd like to present you with the
Congressional Medal of Honour.
1015
01:13:57,875 --> 01:14:00,020
This Congressional
Medal of Honour?
1016
01:14:00,021 --> 01:14:02,165
That Congressional
Medal of Honour.
1017
01:14:12,083 --> 01:14:14,415
- That's French.
- I know.
1018
01:14:15,291 --> 01:14:17,033
General, for the
last 20 years while
1019
01:14:17,034 --> 01:14:18,540
I was working in the motor pool
1020
01:14:18,625 --> 01:14:20,270
I always knew the Good
Lord's gonna give
1021
01:14:20,271 --> 01:14:21,915
me a chance to come
on a special mission
1022
01:14:22,000 --> 01:14:24,790
like this, to serve my country.
1023
01:14:37,875 --> 01:14:39,915
Bye, Lyle.
1024
01:15:00,083 --> 01:15:02,122
And that's all you
have to do, honey.
1025
01:15:02,123 --> 01:15:03,123
Boy, am I sick.
1026
01:15:03,250 --> 01:15:05,375
I ain't never gonna
fly with you again.
1027
01:15:05,376 --> 01:15:07,499
Will you shut up and
read the instructs
1028
01:15:07,541 --> 01:15:10,415
and tell me what it says
about landing this thing?
1029
01:15:12,750 --> 01:15:15,999
- It says: lower the flaps.
- Okay, then do it, quickly.
1030
01:15:16,125 --> 01:15:19,040
- Where are they?
- Under "F", you idiot.
1031
01:15:19,250 --> 01:15:22,249
Well, let's see. There's a "T"
for tabs. Is that any good?
1032
01:15:22,291 --> 01:15:24,507
- Fantastic. Pull it.
- Pull what?
1033
01:15:24,509 --> 01:15:27,000
- Anything, dummy.
- Okay, Tony.
1034
01:15:46,000 --> 01:15:49,290
To look sharp...
1035
01:15:49,500 --> 01:15:52,249
To feel sharp...
1036
01:15:52,416 --> 01:15:54,832
I like this song so much,
I bought the company.
1037
01:15:59,000 --> 01:16:00,725
I don't know why everybody
makes such a big
1038
01:16:00,726 --> 01:16:02,332
deal about flying.
It's a piece of cake.
1039
01:16:02,666 --> 01:16:04,633
This better work, Tony. I just
1040
01:16:04,634 --> 01:16:07,124
called Don Don, and
he's really mad.
1041
01:16:08,166 --> 01:16:10,374
Caesar, Caesar...
1042
01:16:11,000 --> 01:16:15,374
Simplicity is the hallmark
of genius. This cannot miss.
1043
01:16:16,000 --> 01:16:17,499
Yeah?
1044
01:16:18,375 --> 01:16:20,999
Relax, alright?
1045
01:16:25,375 --> 01:16:28,499
Damn ulcer's killing me.
You got anything for it?
1046
01:16:29,666 --> 01:16:32,790
Charlotte Russe. How delightful.
1047
01:16:34,541 --> 01:16:39,082
Not exactly the Maxim's, but
my compliments to the chef.
1048
01:16:53,500 --> 01:16:55,540
A thousand pardons.
1049
01:16:56,125 --> 01:16:59,351
I couldn't help
noticing. Obviously
1050
01:16:59,352 --> 01:17:02,040
you are a damsel in distress.
1051
01:17:03,083 --> 01:17:06,009
May I be of service
to you? I am the
1052
01:17:06,010 --> 01:17:08,540
great Prince Abdul-Ben Falafel,
1053
01:17:08,833 --> 01:17:12,415
master of all deserts,
Prince of princes,
1054
01:17:13,250 --> 01:17:15,499
and one of the world's biggest...
1055
01:17:15,500 --> 01:17:16,500
Yoyos.
1056
01:17:16,501 --> 01:17:19,165
How dare you put a gun to my head.
1057
01:17:22,166 --> 01:17:25,582
As I was saying, do
you come here often?
1058
01:17:30,916 --> 01:17:32,730
I wish you guys would
have seen us change
1059
01:17:32,731 --> 01:17:34,415
in the bathroom,
making this decision.
1060
01:17:34,500 --> 01:17:36,695
Know, what she wanted
to do? To put the
1061
01:17:36,696 --> 01:17:38,999
nun's habit on and the
shorts underneath.
1062
01:17:39,750 --> 01:17:41,548
And she thought you
wouldn't notice.
1063
01:17:41,549 --> 01:17:42,549
I will notice.
1064
01:17:42,583 --> 01:17:44,830
Well, I just didn't
want you to be upset
1065
01:17:44,831 --> 01:17:46,749
when you found out I wasn't a nun.
1066
01:17:48,333 --> 01:17:50,999
You're not?
1067
01:17:52,750 --> 01:17:57,332
- I'm not even a Catholic.
- Well, nobody's perfect.
1068
01:17:59,541 --> 01:18:02,749
- May I?
- Oh, I been waiting for this.
1069
01:18:15,750 --> 01:18:17,447
Sure hate to give the
chauffeur a ticket.
1070
01:18:17,448 --> 01:18:18,874
Yeah, it's always the jerk in back
1071
01:18:19,000 --> 01:18:21,915
- giving the orders.
- Yeah.
1072
01:18:24,625 --> 01:18:26,374
Pardon me, Sir, we're...
1073
01:18:34,833 --> 01:18:36,777
You know what that is, back there?
1074
01:18:36,778 --> 01:18:38,249
Damn right. It's a chimp.
1075
01:18:38,875 --> 01:18:42,749
Listen to me. See that
dark glass? Don't look.
1076
01:18:43,250 --> 01:18:45,915
You know who's behind
that glass filming us?
1077
01:18:46,125 --> 01:18:48,749
Allen Funt. We're
on "Candid Camera".
1078
01:18:49,000 --> 01:18:51,249
Come on, it's our chance. Come on.
1079
01:18:52,541 --> 01:18:55,374
Stand right here so they can
see you. Stand right here.
1080
01:18:56,750 --> 01:18:58,999
Pardon me, Sir. I'd like
to see your licence...
1081
01:19:04,583 --> 01:19:06,272
Oh God, I wonder what the penalty
1082
01:19:06,273 --> 01:19:08,165
is for assaulting
a police officer.
1083
01:19:08,875 --> 01:19:11,624
He's not gonna make
a monkey out of me.
1084
01:19:12,666 --> 01:19:14,582
You're okay? Don't make him mad.
1085
01:19:20,583 --> 01:19:22,514
I'm gonna say hello
to my mum. I just
1086
01:19:22,515 --> 01:19:24,749
wondered if I could say
hello to my mother?
1087
01:19:30,041 --> 01:19:33,332
This is working great. Let's go
sing. Come on, before they go.
1088
01:19:34,416 --> 01:19:39,540
By the light of the
silvery moon...
1089
01:19:41,000 --> 01:19:43,332
Let's get the hell outta here.
1090
01:19:45,083 --> 01:19:48,395
Hey, Mr. Funt. Aren't we
supposed to sign a release?
1091
01:19:48,396 --> 01:19:49,499
Oh, shut up.
1092
01:19:54,791 --> 01:19:58,415
Oh, listen. Look. Hold it. Look,
Cannonballers ahead of us.
1093
01:20:08,083 --> 01:20:10,249
Alright, what the hell happened?
1094
01:20:10,500 --> 01:20:12,906
Sir. I was eating my dessert when
1095
01:20:12,907 --> 01:20:15,749
suddenly I saw one
of the cat people.
1096
01:20:16,125 --> 01:20:18,624
- Beautiful body was...
- Now, we have a slight problem.
1097
01:20:19,125 --> 01:20:22,374
Two hoods. They parted with
the Sheik and the money.
1098
01:20:22,500 --> 01:20:23,500
How that happen?
1099
01:20:23,501 --> 01:20:26,124
She was hitch-hiking in a leopard
coat and as we approached
1100
01:20:26,291 --> 01:20:28,790
she flashed and we stopped.
1101
01:20:34,916 --> 01:20:38,165
He's right. Who else knew the
million was in the sheik's trunk?
1102
01:20:48,250 --> 01:20:51,624
I think you two guys have got
something to tell us, right?
1103
01:20:51,625 --> 01:20:52,749
Right.
1104
01:20:55,500 --> 01:20:58,249
J.J, let me explain to
you as briefly as I can.
1105
01:20:58,666 --> 01:21:01,019
Here's what happened.
We owed the guys in
1106
01:21:01,020 --> 01:21:03,540
Vegas a little chump
change. Nothing really.
1107
01:21:03,791 --> 01:21:06,749
So they sent down some
torpedoes to collect.
1108
01:21:08,625 --> 01:21:10,934
And you told 'em about the Sheik.
1109
01:21:10,935 --> 01:21:12,665
It was tell 'em or else.
1110
01:21:13,000 --> 01:21:14,440
Who were these guys?
1111
01:21:14,441 --> 01:21:17,124
The Cannelloni family
from Las Vegas.
1112
01:21:17,250 --> 01:21:19,361
Well, hell. Let's just
go get these guys.
1113
01:21:19,362 --> 01:21:21,040
We can't just go get these guys.
1114
01:21:21,166 --> 01:21:23,610
- Why?
- They hold up at the Pinto Ranch,
1115
01:21:23,611 --> 01:21:25,749
and that's guarded like Fort Knox.
1116
01:21:25,791 --> 01:21:28,374
Wait a minute. Maybe
"him" can get through.
1117
01:21:28,583 --> 01:21:33,082
Maybe "him" can get "himself"
killed and take you with "him".
1118
01:21:33,791 --> 01:21:35,536
"Him" is open for
other suggestions.
1119
01:21:35,537 --> 01:21:37,415
What's happening?
What's going on here?
1120
01:21:37,833 --> 01:21:40,681
Gaped at her naked
body glistening in the
1121
01:21:40,682 --> 01:21:43,665
hot sun and her sweet
sweat rolling down...
1122
01:21:44,291 --> 01:21:47,832
Hey, wait a minute.
We'll go to the King.
1123
01:21:48,291 --> 01:21:50,665
No, no. The sheik's
father hates him.
1124
01:21:51,083 --> 01:21:54,999
Hey, he's not the only king. We
have royalty in this country, too.
1125
01:21:55,875 --> 01:21:58,124
He'll see you guys.
1126
01:22:11,250 --> 01:22:13,415
Sit on this.
1127
01:22:15,333 --> 01:22:17,884
How did you enjoy the
Halloween party?
1128
01:22:17,885 --> 01:22:19,999
- What a guy he is.
- What a guy.
1129
01:22:21,250 --> 01:22:23,174
Alright. How much this time?
1130
01:22:23,175 --> 01:22:26,124
Frank, you know. It's
never for ourselves.
1131
01:22:28,500 --> 01:22:29,767
Not this time, Frank.
1132
01:22:29,768 --> 01:22:32,082
And who asked you to
sit down? Get up.
1133
01:22:35,583 --> 01:22:37,832
- Mr. Sinatra...
- You may call me Frank.
1134
01:22:38,541 --> 01:22:41,249
- I can call him Frank.
- Not yet.
1135
01:22:41,416 --> 01:22:43,145
I'll let you know
when you can. Not
1136
01:22:43,146 --> 01:22:44,874
exactly now, but
I'll let you know.
1137
01:22:45,000 --> 01:22:47,415
- What can I call you?
- Call me sir.
1138
01:22:48,375 --> 01:22:49,866
Call him Sir.
1139
01:22:49,867 --> 01:22:54,040
I got it. Sir... We
are Cannonballers.
1140
01:22:54,666 --> 01:22:56,832
- What?
- Cannonballers.
1141
01:22:58,375 --> 01:23:00,332
Oh, wait a minute...
1142
01:23:00,750 --> 01:23:03,249
I've been lonely as much as
you have, from time to time.
1143
01:23:03,875 --> 01:23:04,969
Come on.
1144
01:23:04,970 --> 01:23:08,249
That's a hot one,
Your Majesty. Sir.
1145
01:23:09,083 --> 01:23:12,290
You see, the Cannonball is a race
from California to Connecticut.
1146
01:23:12,375 --> 01:23:14,964
We have lots of fun.
But the Sheik...
1147
01:23:14,965 --> 01:23:15,999
- Sheik?
- Yes.
1148
01:23:16,250 --> 01:23:17,337
With the blue Rolls Royce.
1149
01:23:17,338 --> 01:23:19,665
Who is he? Did I ever sing for
him in London, you think?
1150
01:23:19,833 --> 01:23:22,499
We can't even pronounce his name.
You see, they kidnapped him
1151
01:23:22,583 --> 01:23:24,376
and they took $1 million
out of the trunk
1152
01:23:24,377 --> 01:23:26,040
of his car. That's
why we came to you.
1153
01:23:26,791 --> 01:23:29,770
Why come to me? Why don't
you go to the FBI?
1154
01:23:29,771 --> 01:23:31,165
Who taught the FBI?
1155
01:23:34,583 --> 01:23:37,082
Okay, alright. Who snatched him?
1156
01:23:37,416 --> 01:23:39,624
Oh, the Cannellonis.
1157
01:23:42,083 --> 01:23:43,999
I got an idea.
1158
01:23:44,125 --> 01:23:46,148
I got a trio that I use
in my act and this
1159
01:23:46,149 --> 01:23:48,124
bum's been trying to
steal it for months.
1160
01:23:51,416 --> 01:23:53,790
Dorothy, get me Don Don.
1161
01:23:57,083 --> 01:24:00,582
They must be terrific for Frank
to recommend them personally.
1162
01:24:00,750 --> 01:24:02,535
I guarantee you have never seen
1163
01:24:02,536 --> 01:24:04,665
anything like this
in your whole...
1164
01:24:04,791 --> 01:24:07,415
I'm not saying this, just
because I'm their agent.
1165
01:24:07,750 --> 01:24:12,124
You know, I just love auditioning
new talent. I get all excited.
1166
01:24:47,083 --> 01:24:48,749
Come on, what's the matter?
1167
01:24:48,750 --> 01:24:50,874
They are a little short on looks.
1168
01:24:51,083 --> 01:24:54,665
But didn't you notice the nice
unison? The way they dance?
1169
01:25:10,583 --> 01:25:12,624
They're fabulous.
1170
01:25:42,291 --> 01:25:45,915
Frank ain't no dummy.
I can't sing...
1171
01:25:46,041 --> 01:25:49,749
but even I can follow that act.
1172
01:25:54,000 --> 01:25:55,665
Thank you.
1173
01:26:04,250 --> 01:26:06,665
Girls, you're hired. You're
hired, girls. You're hired.
1174
01:26:07,125 --> 01:26:11,165
You all have life... lifetime
contracts here at the Pinto Ranch.
1175
01:26:11,500 --> 01:26:14,249
I'll just have to move some
place else... Now, girls.
1176
01:26:14,625 --> 01:26:18,749
Lovely. Go to your dressing rooms
and powder your noses... a lot.
1177
01:26:19,000 --> 01:26:20,828
Absolutely wonderful.
Frank certainly
1178
01:26:20,829 --> 01:26:22,415
knows his stuff. Just wonderful.
1179
01:26:27,166 --> 01:26:29,499
Bad news.
1180
01:26:45,833 --> 01:26:48,958
Oh, girls. How do you spell
Laverne? Is that one word or two?
1181
01:26:48,959 --> 01:26:49,999
- Two.
- Three.
1182
01:26:51,166 --> 01:26:53,249
Oh, Hymie, what a
pleasant surprise.
1183
01:26:59,500 --> 01:27:02,040
What a pleasant surprise...
1184
01:27:02,416 --> 01:27:06,832
Hey. I said I'd be here
in 24 hours. Therefore...
1185
01:27:07,333 --> 01:27:11,999
it ain't no surprise. And it ain't
gonna be pleasant either. May I?
1186
01:27:14,416 --> 01:27:16,332
Oh my God...
1187
01:27:29,750 --> 01:27:33,249
- What are these three bowwows?
- It's our new lounge act.
1188
01:27:33,333 --> 01:27:37,249
What do they do? Scare the
audience to death?...That's funny.
1189
01:27:39,333 --> 01:27:41,540
Mr. Hymie?
1190
01:27:43,416 --> 01:27:44,869
You girls ever hear of Nair?
1191
01:27:44,871 --> 01:27:46,583
- We're working on it.
- Huh?
1192
01:27:47,125 --> 01:27:49,624
Our doctor has us on hormones.
1193
01:27:50,541 --> 01:27:52,661
Well, I suggest you go
for a second opinion,
1194
01:27:52,662 --> 01:27:54,499
because I think he's
over-prescribing.
1195
01:27:55,250 --> 01:27:57,790
Hi, I'm Laverne.
1196
01:28:04,541 --> 01:28:06,999
Get me those hormones.
1197
01:28:08,541 --> 01:28:11,540
Alright, Dumb-Dumb.
Where's my nine large?
1198
01:28:14,250 --> 01:28:17,624
One million dollars, Hymie.
And the rest is in escrow
1199
01:28:17,750 --> 01:28:20,790
in a bank in downtown Las Vegas.
1200
01:28:21,041 --> 01:28:25,165
I'm gonna consider this
interest only, alright?
1201
01:28:26,416 --> 01:28:29,683
Now, you have the
principal by tomorrow,
1202
01:28:29,684 --> 01:28:32,790
or you'll be under
downtown Las Vegas.
1203
01:28:35,416 --> 01:28:39,249
- Girls... so long.
- Bye, Mr. Hymie.
1204
01:28:41,750 --> 01:28:44,749
Excuse me... You have
a Ladies' restroom?
1205
01:28:44,875 --> 01:28:47,436
Yes, it says "Cowgirls". It's
the second door on the left.
1206
01:28:47,437 --> 01:28:48,437
On the left.
1207
01:28:48,500 --> 01:28:50,843
Now, this is a lifetime
contract, as I said.
1208
01:28:50,844 --> 01:28:53,082
I presume they'll have
their own wardrobe?
1209
01:28:58,000 --> 01:29:00,082
- Tits up.
- Alright.
1210
01:29:03,250 --> 01:29:04,281
Mr. Hymie.
1211
01:29:04,282 --> 01:29:07,374
That Laverne comes
near me, waste her.
1212
01:29:09,750 --> 01:29:11,230
We were just wondering
if you could
1213
01:29:11,231 --> 01:29:12,874
give us a little
advice on our careers.
1214
01:29:13,083 --> 01:29:15,790
Oh, yeah. Get out
of show business.
1215
01:29:16,625 --> 01:29:18,165
Now.
1216
01:29:21,000 --> 01:29:23,749
We got the money.
1217
01:29:24,250 --> 01:29:26,665
Hide. Somebody's coming.
1218
01:29:37,041 --> 01:29:39,496
- Your purses.
- Oh, good. We got the money.
1219
01:29:39,497 --> 01:29:40,915
- Oh, let's go.
- No, no.
1220
01:29:41,541 --> 01:29:43,275
We gotta save the Sheik.
1221
01:29:43,277 --> 01:29:45,083
- Come on.
- Alright.
1222
01:29:49,750 --> 01:29:52,179
Hi, I was wondering
if you gentlemen will
1223
01:29:52,180 --> 01:29:54,665
be kind enough to help
me with my baggage?
1224
01:29:57,375 --> 01:29:59,790
Man, those three broads
got a case of the uglies.
1225
01:29:59,875 --> 01:30:02,290
Let the boss not
hear you say that.
1226
01:30:06,125 --> 01:30:09,374
It's torture, I tell you.
Torture. Please. Please.
1227
01:30:09,500 --> 01:30:10,741
Hey, it's got a lock on it.
1228
01:30:10,743 --> 01:30:12,166
- Break it down.
- Come on.
1229
01:30:12,833 --> 01:30:15,499
Ladies, at one, two, three.
1230
01:30:18,791 --> 01:30:22,374
More Ladies. My beauties,
you must wait your turn.
1231
01:30:22,500 --> 01:30:24,832
There is only so much
water in the fountain.
1232
01:30:25,541 --> 01:30:28,653
- Sheik, it's us.
- We're not girls.
1233
01:30:28,654 --> 01:30:29,999
How dare you?
1234
01:30:30,041 --> 01:30:33,249
It is out of the question. Allah
will only forgive so much.
1235
01:30:33,375 --> 01:30:36,184
Hey Abdul, put your slipper's
on. Let's get outta here.
1236
01:30:36,185 --> 01:30:37,249
I don't want to go.
1237
01:30:38,083 --> 01:30:39,598
I've tried everything, but...
1238
01:30:39,599 --> 01:30:41,749
- Get me out of this.
- This is something.
1239
01:30:41,833 --> 01:30:45,040
- Can I take this with me?
- Okay with me. Come, tickle.
1240
01:30:46,875 --> 01:30:48,125
I'm terribly sorry.
1241
01:30:48,126 --> 01:30:51,874
Now, listen to me. If these three
uglies get away with my million
1242
01:30:52,375 --> 01:30:54,381
Dumb-Dumb, then
your father's gonna
1243
01:30:54,382 --> 01:30:56,332
owe me a big favour. You know why?
1244
01:30:56,500 --> 01:30:57,500
No.
1245
01:30:57,501 --> 01:30:59,499
Because I'm gonna
kill you. And then...
1246
01:30:59,791 --> 01:31:02,374
he's gonna kill you. And
then he's gonna kill you.
1247
01:31:02,625 --> 01:31:03,933
And then he's gonna kill you.
1248
01:31:03,934 --> 01:31:05,832
Charmed. There's no
need to worry, Hymie.
1249
01:31:06,000 --> 01:31:09,040
You see, they cannot escape.
There's no way out of here.
1250
01:31:09,125 --> 01:31:11,749
You are totally secure.
1251
01:31:13,500 --> 01:31:16,249
However, I'm very shaky.
1252
01:31:21,500 --> 01:31:24,415
- Open.
- Oh, shit. You got the key?
1253
01:31:24,625 --> 01:31:27,012
- Maybe.
- You ungrateful putz.
1254
01:31:27,014 --> 01:31:28,166
Hold it.
1255
01:31:34,416 --> 01:31:36,749
The three little pigs.
1256
01:31:45,333 --> 01:31:47,249
Get me somebody to hide behind.
1257
01:31:50,625 --> 01:31:54,082
This is it, boys.
Remember the rules...
1258
01:31:54,604 --> 01:31:55,604
No rules.
1259
01:31:55,605 --> 01:31:58,165
You heard him.
Absolutely no rules.
1260
01:31:58,500 --> 01:32:00,375
I told you, there's
nothing to worry
1261
01:32:00,376 --> 01:32:02,249
about. There won't
be any witnesses.
1262
01:32:02,833 --> 01:32:05,082
No witnesses?
1263
01:32:06,875 --> 01:32:09,332
J.J., they're all around us. I...
1264
01:32:32,166 --> 01:32:34,915
- My money or your life.
- Money.
1265
01:32:36,166 --> 01:32:38,999
- He's got the money.
- Ha... He's got the money.
1266
01:32:40,666 --> 01:32:41,999
J.J.
1267
01:32:47,541 --> 01:32:48,897
Hey, did you see
that picture where
1268
01:32:48,898 --> 01:32:50,290
the bad guys get
their last request?
1269
01:32:50,300 --> 01:32:51,300
Yeah.
1270
01:32:51,301 --> 01:32:52,762
Well, some time on the late show.
1271
01:32:52,763 --> 01:32:54,082
It was really a good movie.
1272
01:32:55,750 --> 01:32:58,790
A last meal perhaps? You could
lay a little BBQ on us.
1273
01:32:58,916 --> 01:33:01,665
You know, something that you
would go over the coals with?
1274
01:33:02,333 --> 01:33:05,040
I'll have some quiche. And
a little chocolate mousse.
1275
01:33:06,291 --> 01:33:09,082
Er, Shish kebab...
No, no. Couscous.
1276
01:33:10,041 --> 01:33:11,499
Frigging chickasee?
1277
01:33:13,250 --> 01:33:15,082
Chicken fricasse...
1278
01:33:15,833 --> 01:33:18,165
- And you?
- I'd like a wine list.
1279
01:33:20,041 --> 01:33:23,124
Where I'm sending you, baby,
everything's on the menu.
1280
01:33:42,166 --> 01:33:43,749
We're saved.
1281
01:33:52,250 --> 01:33:54,249
Hey, reminds me of Brooklyn.
1282
01:34:00,666 --> 01:34:02,332
Hi there.
1283
01:34:10,750 --> 01:34:12,582
Surprise.
1284
01:34:17,000 --> 01:34:18,749
You too.
1285
01:34:20,666 --> 01:34:23,165
Any questions, boys?
1286
01:34:29,333 --> 01:34:32,082
- Do you mind a personal remark?
- No, of course not.
1287
01:34:32,250 --> 01:34:34,415
That is absolutely gorgeous.
1288
01:34:36,416 --> 01:34:38,499
Hey, one's getting away.
1289
01:34:40,687 --> 01:34:41,687
I got him.
1290
01:34:41,688 --> 01:34:44,249
I'll guard your back. Be
careful and watch out.
1291
01:34:44,291 --> 01:34:46,624
No problem. I'll be right back.
1292
01:34:54,250 --> 01:34:56,915
You're okay? Must be a
pretty tough guy up there.
1293
01:34:57,041 --> 01:34:58,937
Maybe I should take
care of this one.
1294
01:34:58,938 --> 01:34:59,938
He's all yours.
1295
01:35:04,166 --> 01:35:06,582
I think, he's over
his head this time.
1296
01:35:21,375 --> 01:35:22,998
Hey. You look like an athlete.
1297
01:35:22,999 --> 01:35:24,874
Wow, thank you. I was an athlete.
1298
01:35:25,000 --> 01:35:26,832
- Oh yeah?
- Yeah, I was...
1299
01:35:28,041 --> 01:35:30,259
Oh, then you can probably
handle yourself.
1300
01:35:30,260 --> 01:35:32,624
- You're in danger.
- I'll protect you, Sister.
1301
01:35:33,500 --> 01:35:35,499
Four, five, six, seven...
1302
01:35:36,916 --> 01:35:38,415
Next.
1303
01:35:42,625 --> 01:35:45,874
Oh, don't do that to me again.
This is just beautiful.
1304
01:35:46,000 --> 01:35:47,234
That's European, isn't it?
1305
01:35:47,235 --> 01:35:49,040
- But of course.
- Absolutely stunning.
1306
01:35:49,750 --> 01:35:51,665
That's enough. That's enough.
1307
01:35:54,291 --> 01:35:56,499
- A thousand thanks, Sisters.
- Bless you, my friend.
1308
01:36:02,291 --> 01:36:04,124
Over there. Yeah.
1309
01:36:04,250 --> 01:36:07,582
Come on, you brat. You pervert.
1310
01:36:07,833 --> 01:36:10,249
Hey, how do you like
this for a hose job?
1311
01:36:16,000 --> 01:36:18,249
Oh yeah? Salute.
1312
01:36:19,666 --> 01:36:23,665
- Hello, Chaos.
- Look J.J., a flower. Nice, huh?
1313
01:36:24,000 --> 01:36:25,749
See ya.
1314
01:36:27,250 --> 01:36:29,198
And I figured that
30,000 we owe you...
1315
01:36:29,199 --> 01:36:30,999
This will more than
take care of it.
1316
01:36:32,416 --> 01:36:33,834
May I buy you a drink?
1317
01:36:33,836 --> 01:36:35,125
- Yes.
- Cherie.
1318
01:36:35,666 --> 01:36:38,790
Cherie? I guess everyone...
They seem to be so busy.
1319
01:36:43,541 --> 01:36:44,749
That was fun, J.J.
1320
01:36:48,250 --> 01:36:50,540
- Get those guys.
- You got it.
1321
01:36:51,125 --> 01:36:53,415
Fly, baby. Fly.
1322
01:36:54,541 --> 01:36:57,999
Help is on the way.
Justice will triumph.
1323
01:37:00,875 --> 01:37:04,249
Sorry, bad guys. Carry on.
1324
01:37:04,875 --> 01:37:08,030
Raining like a son-of-a-bitch over
there. You need any help here?
1325
01:37:08,031 --> 01:37:09,082
Yes. Inject that.
1326
01:37:09,250 --> 01:37:13,249
Fine. Oh, the plague.
I've seen this before...
1327
01:37:24,333 --> 01:37:28,249
No, Jackie. J.J...
Cannonball... You got it.
1328
01:37:40,250 --> 01:37:42,415
- Friend or foe?
- Have a guess.
1329
01:37:45,250 --> 01:37:47,375
- It's a bird.
- It's a plane.
1330
01:37:47,377 --> 01:37:48,666
It's Hymie.
1331
01:37:57,500 --> 01:37:59,999
Would you hold this for me,
please? I would like to really...
1332
01:38:00,083 --> 01:38:03,665
get a good look at that ring
again. It's truly lovely.
1333
01:38:08,083 --> 01:38:09,624
Oh my God...
1334
01:38:17,541 --> 01:38:19,832
oh, look...
1335
01:38:20,250 --> 01:38:24,540
- J.J., it's a vision.
- No... No, it's us.
1336
01:38:29,625 --> 01:38:32,040
Oh, Sister Betty.
1337
01:38:32,500 --> 01:38:34,984
"Him" didn't know you
had that in you.
1338
01:38:34,985 --> 01:38:35,985
"Him" will.
1339
01:38:37,000 --> 01:38:39,374
We're here to help you win.
1340
01:38:39,875 --> 01:38:41,978
- Did you miss me?
- So much...
1341
01:38:41,979 --> 01:38:44,624
Oh thanks. A little
more than that?
1342
01:38:45,250 --> 01:38:47,999
I'm glad you missed me that much.
1343
01:38:48,791 --> 01:38:50,999
All these wonderful gals.
1344
01:38:52,500 --> 01:38:54,582
Fenderbaum.
1345
01:38:56,333 --> 01:38:58,999
Boy-nun, boy-boy, boy-nun.
1346
01:39:02,333 --> 01:39:06,040
Fenderbaum. What are you
doing with my partner?
1347
01:39:06,500 --> 01:39:08,332
- Partner?
- Partner?
1348
01:39:08,500 --> 01:39:12,165
Yes. I have bought
the Pinto Ranch.
1349
01:39:12,583 --> 01:39:14,040
Yes.
1350
01:39:15,625 --> 01:39:19,165
And why not? I have a
weakness for blondes...
1351
01:39:19,375 --> 01:39:22,249
and women without moustaches.
1352
01:39:24,500 --> 01:39:27,230
Before you do any hiring you tell
1353
01:39:27,231 --> 01:39:30,374
your partner about
your liabilities.
1354
01:39:30,500 --> 01:39:32,915
You know, you have
a very big mouth.
1355
01:39:34,333 --> 01:39:36,582
- My sheikh.
- My partner.
1356
01:39:36,791 --> 01:39:40,082
My Sheik, I will need just a
little operating capital.
1357
01:39:40,666 --> 01:39:42,415
How much?
1358
01:39:43,541 --> 01:39:47,124
- Nine million dollars?
- Nine million?
1359
01:39:47,375 --> 01:39:50,874
A drop in the well. I
will give you 18 million.
1360
01:39:51,000 --> 01:39:52,971
That way you will
have some petty cash.
1361
01:39:52,972 --> 01:39:55,082
Thank you, my sheikh.
Where are you going?
1362
01:39:55,750 --> 01:39:58,040
To win the race.
1363
01:39:58,500 --> 01:40:02,749
To share in my good fortune
with my fellow Cannonballers
1364
01:40:03,000 --> 01:40:07,999
I have decided to raise the prize
money to two million dollars.
1365
01:40:09,791 --> 01:40:12,749
- How many zeros is in that?
- I don't know.
1366
01:40:13,875 --> 01:40:16,119
- We'll split it three ways?
- Yeah.
1367
01:40:16,120 --> 01:40:17,999
Come, my sweethearts, we go.
1368
01:40:27,291 --> 01:40:29,290
Hey, Fenderbaum, Blake.
Come here a minute.
1369
01:40:30,000 --> 01:40:32,415
What is it, Frank? Can't
you see we're busy?
1370
01:40:32,541 --> 01:40:34,395
I know that. That's
why I want to get
1371
01:40:34,396 --> 01:40:36,249
a head start. See
you in Connecticut.
1372
01:41:32,750 --> 01:41:37,499
Oh, so sorry. You are average
player. Please try again later.
1373
01:42:06,625 --> 01:42:08,629
You gotta have to stop
this thing. I can't
1374
01:42:08,630 --> 01:42:10,540
examine you with all
this moving around.
1375
01:42:10,625 --> 01:42:13,495
I can't stop. I can't
stop. Just keep
1376
01:42:13,496 --> 01:42:16,290
me alive until we
reach Connecticut.
1377
01:42:25,166 --> 01:42:27,832
So much for Abdul...
1378
01:42:28,583 --> 01:42:32,499
It's money in the bank, I
tell you. A million bucks.
1379
01:42:32,666 --> 01:42:35,540
The whole of a million
bucks apiece.
1380
01:42:41,625 --> 01:42:42,636
That's Frank.
1381
01:42:42,637 --> 01:42:45,332
Where'd he learn to
drive like that?
1382
01:42:45,583 --> 01:42:47,915
I don't know, but don't
let him pass us.
1383
01:42:48,250 --> 01:42:50,749
- Floor it.
- It's floored.
1384
01:42:51,291 --> 01:42:54,332
Hi Frank, chicky-lover
baby. Hi there.
1385
01:42:54,500 --> 01:42:56,077
Remember me, Fenderbaum? Listen,
1386
01:42:56,078 --> 01:42:57,999
whoever gets to the
finish line first
1387
01:42:58,250 --> 01:43:00,499
we split it 50/50, okay?
1388
01:43:02,000 --> 01:43:03,374
70/30
1389
01:43:04,875 --> 01:43:07,374
How about 10%?
1390
01:43:07,875 --> 01:43:09,290
Forget it.
1391
01:43:33,000 --> 01:43:35,790
Forget it, guys. You're four
hours and 15 Martinis late.
1392
01:43:35,875 --> 01:43:37,457
Better go in the bar
and get gassed up,
1393
01:43:37,458 --> 01:43:38,999
because you're racing
back tomorrow...
1394
01:43:39,291 --> 01:43:40,291
at noon.
1395
01:43:40,292 --> 01:43:43,165
Park it. I'll see you in the bar.
1396
01:43:44,000 --> 01:43:47,332
Thanks. We'll leave tomorrow and
we'll be back in four days.
1397
01:43:47,583 --> 01:43:51,374
Then Atlantic City and a
weekend you'll never forget.
1398
01:43:51,500 --> 01:43:55,040
Once again you have brought
shame and disgrace to our tribe
1399
01:43:55,166 --> 01:43:57,008
by not winning the Cannonball Run.
1400
01:43:57,009 --> 01:43:59,249
But Pop, there was this
doctor in the car.
1401
01:43:59,375 --> 01:44:01,915
- He gave me a... It was kismet.
- I warn you.
1402
01:44:02,125 --> 01:44:05,290
Tomorrow's race is the last
Cannonball I am financing.
1403
01:44:05,416 --> 01:44:07,999
If you do not win, do not
bother to come home.
1404
01:44:08,083 --> 01:44:10,832
Pop, don't worry. I can't lose.
1405
01:44:11,041 --> 01:44:13,672
I have hired the winner
of this Cannonball
1406
01:44:13,673 --> 01:44:15,874
to be my co-driver
in the next one.
1407
01:44:16,250 --> 01:44:20,249
I'd like you to meet him. I have
told him so much about you, Pop.
1408
01:44:23,500 --> 01:44:27,540
Excuse me, Sir. I'd like
you to meet my Pop.
1409
01:44:46,083 --> 01:44:48,097
The Cannonball is a
race from California
1410
01:44:48,098 --> 01:44:49,915
to Connecticut. We
have lots of fun.
1411
01:44:50,000 --> 01:44:53,082
And then... The
Sheik... What they...
1412
01:44:53,750 --> 01:44:56,624
I can get this. Just a minute.
I can do it. Wait a minute.
1413
01:44:57,083 --> 01:44:58,925
- And...
- We'll start from the slap.
1414
01:44:58,926 --> 01:44:59,926
From the slap?
1415
01:45:00,333 --> 01:45:02,374
Sir. Er...
1416
01:45:05,833 --> 01:45:08,540
Just pick it up right
from the slap.
1417
01:45:10,041 --> 01:45:11,790
Sir.
1418
01:45:11,875 --> 01:45:14,041
Sorry, we get this
in a minute. It's
1419
01:45:14,042 --> 01:45:15,915
alright. We get it. Here we go.
1420
01:45:16,291 --> 01:45:19,082
Oh, Sir. The Cannonball is a race
1421
01:45:19,083 --> 01:45:21,249
from Connecticut to your ass.
1422
01:45:35,750 --> 01:45:38,999
Now, if your mother
could kiss like that...
1423
01:45:39,333 --> 01:45:42,124
We're just gonna place
it. Ready? Huh?
1424
01:45:44,625 --> 01:45:47,082
Is that what you want? You got it.
1425
01:45:47,250 --> 01:45:48,632
- Okay?
- I don't trust you.
1426
01:45:48,633 --> 01:45:51,249
No, you got it, I swear.
I'm just gonna place it.
1427
01:45:54,166 --> 01:45:57,332
Oh shit, if I wasn't
getting a lot of money...
1428
01:45:58,125 --> 01:46:01,374
- Don't get it from the ground.
- Where might I gonna get it from?
1429
01:46:01,500 --> 01:46:04,249
Get it from here. This is fresh.
1430
01:46:04,666 --> 01:46:07,749
- There'll be a mound here.
- I got fresh stuff here.
1431
01:46:07,833 --> 01:46:11,790
Nobody's ever peed on this.
I'm just gonna place it.
1432
01:46:15,625 --> 01:46:18,332
How animals live on this shit?
1433
01:46:40,291 --> 01:46:44,374
Listen, if we have these nuns
God will be our co-pilot.
1434
01:46:44,750 --> 01:46:47,915
I don't care. You listen
to me. Listen to me.
1435
01:46:50,791 --> 01:46:53,082
We're not taking those nuns along.
1436
01:46:56,083 --> 01:46:59,040
What is the matter with you?
I can't work like this.
1437
01:47:00,791 --> 01:47:02,442
She's winking at me.
1438
01:47:02,444 --> 01:47:05,250
- Hold there.
- She's to wave.
1439
01:47:05,291 --> 01:47:06,314
Alright.
1440
01:47:06,315 --> 01:47:09,385
I have no protection.
She is... Goddammit...
1441
01:47:09,386 --> 01:47:10,749
Pick it up.
1442
01:47:11,625 --> 01:47:15,415
- Lepers? New York?
- No: "Lepers? Big Apple?"
1443
01:47:16,625 --> 01:47:19,374
I order you...
1444
01:47:22,833 --> 01:47:24,233
J.J. Long time no see.
1445
01:47:24,234 --> 01:47:26,624
Captain Chaos, nice
to see you again.
1446
01:47:28,121 --> 01:47:29,121
Would you do it again?
1447
01:47:29,122 --> 01:47:30,750
- Yeah, certainly.
- Here we go.
1448
01:47:37,666 --> 01:47:40,290
Keep it rolling. Here we go.
1449
01:47:44,541 --> 01:47:45,541
- J.J.
- Captain Chaos.
1450
01:47:45,542 --> 01:47:46,587
Long time no see.
1451
01:47:46,588 --> 01:47:47,749
Good to see you again.
1452
01:47:47,875 --> 01:47:48,919
Good to see you.
1453
01:47:48,920 --> 01:47:51,249
Listen, I'd deem it a personal
pruverage... privilege,
1454
01:47:51,375 --> 01:47:53,406
if I can get in that
bomb and get my teeth
1455
01:47:53,407 --> 01:47:55,249
fixed. Turn around,
let's start again.
1456
01:47:58,541 --> 01:47:59,644
- J.J.
- Captain Chaos.
1457
01:47:59,646 --> 01:48:00,852
Long time no see.
1458
01:48:00,853 --> 01:48:02,165
Good to see you again.
1459
01:48:02,833 --> 01:48:05,665
I'd deem it a privilege you
let me ride in the bomb.
1460
01:48:06,166 --> 01:48:07,982
Did you understand
that at all? Just
1461
01:48:07,983 --> 01:48:09,749
turn around and let
me do it again.
1462
01:48:13,750 --> 01:48:16,624
Listen, isn't somebody
gonna say "Cut"?
110697
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