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00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074
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00:01:27,541 --> 00:01:31,832
For one thousand centuries...
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00:01:32,291 --> 00:01:36,999
the Falafel family has ruled
the deserts with one thing:
4
00:01:37,083 --> 00:01:38,749
Speed!
5
00:01:39,041 --> 00:01:43,332
We have the fastest camels
and the fastest horses!
6
00:01:43,416 --> 00:01:46,290
Now, due to...
7
00:01:47,583 --> 00:01:49,999
...you know what...
8
00:01:51,333 --> 00:01:54,749
...we have the fastest planes...
9
00:01:55,333 --> 00:01:58,332
...the fastest boats
and the fastest cars!
10
00:01:58,500 --> 00:02:00,874
Except for one: yours!
11
00:02:01,416 --> 00:02:06,040
Last year I sent you
to America for one simple task.
12
00:02:06,250 --> 00:02:07,832
So simple.
13
00:02:07,916 --> 00:02:12,249
To emblazon the Falafel name
as the fastest in the world
14
00:02:12,333 --> 00:02:16,124
by winning the Cannonball Run.
15
00:02:16,833 --> 00:02:19,749
And you... failed!
16
00:02:21,666 --> 00:02:24,874
- A thousand thanks!
- But Lion of the deserts...
17
00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:27,249
...King of Kings...
18
00:02:27,333 --> 00:02:33,165
- ...Pop!
- No excuses, you son of my ugliest wife!
19
00:02:36,416 --> 00:02:38,665
A thousand thanks!
20
00:02:43,625 --> 00:02:48,624
How come you have a blond,
blue-eyed slave, hm?
21
00:02:50,291 --> 00:02:54,040
He's an actor.
Hasn't had a series in seven years.
22
00:02:54,125 --> 00:02:56,665
Nine!
23
00:02:59,791 --> 00:03:03,040
- Two thousand thanks!
- I know I didn't win, Pop.
24
00:03:03,250 --> 00:03:06,249
I was sick. My ulcer...
25
00:03:06,333 --> 00:03:10,249
I order you back to America...
26
00:03:10,666 --> 00:03:13,624
...to win the Cannonball Run!
27
00:03:14,083 --> 00:03:16,749
I give you one last chance, because...
28
00:03:17,541 --> 00:03:20,165
...you are my only son
with a driver's license.
29
00:03:20,291 --> 00:03:24,540
- But Pop, there is no Cannonball Run this year.
- So?
30
00:03:25,125 --> 00:03:30,082
- Buy one.
- Of course!
31
00:03:51,291 --> 00:03:55,749
- Couple of wise guys behind us.
- Slow down. Let's see how ballsy they are.
32
00:03:57,333 --> 00:04:03,249
- Wow! What a couple of great-looking chicks!
- So much for boredom! - Let's nail 'em!
33
00:05:03,666 --> 00:05:06,749
- Wise broads.
- They can't outrun the radio.
34
00:05:06,791 --> 00:05:09,999
Charlie, you got one heading your way.
You'll see it in about three minutes.
35
00:05:10,041 --> 00:05:13,999
You're three minutes are up!
Man, a couple of great-looking chicks!
36
00:05:27,250 --> 00:05:30,874
Road's straight as an arrow. I can see
for five miles. Wonder where they are?
37
00:05:31,000 --> 00:05:35,582
Don't panic. Just watch the side roads
for dust. No way they can shake us.
38
00:05:44,375 --> 00:05:48,499
- You heard me? I think we lost 'em.
- How can you lose a white Lamborghini
39
00:05:48,583 --> 00:05:54,165
- with two chicks in the middle of nowhere?
- What is this? A quiz? We lost 'em, okay?
40
00:05:54,291 --> 00:05:57,749
Haha. I just found 'em, son.
This here's the end of the hunt.
41
00:05:57,875 --> 00:05:59,582
Good luck, buddy!
42
00:06:03,833 --> 00:06:07,582
Figure, they gotta be between us.
Just pull out and block the damn' road.
43
00:06:08,791 --> 00:06:11,832
You got any other bright ideas?
44
00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:35,082
I'm eastbound in pursuit
of a white Lamborghini.
45
00:06:35,166 --> 00:06:37,832
This is not a recording.
46
00:07:00,875 --> 00:07:03,874
Hey, thanks for the hose job!
47
00:07:19,500 --> 00:07:22,790
If I tell you boys something, you
won't think I've been drinking, will ya?
48
00:07:23,000 --> 00:07:27,499
The white Lamborghini is vanished, but
there's a red one behind me honking its horn.
49
00:07:27,625 --> 00:07:32,290
Correction! It's passing me, and it's
got two great-looking chicks in it!
50
00:07:54,250 --> 00:07:58,749
- You know Marcie, we've got this routine down.
- Yeah, I think we're ready for the Cannonball.
51
00:07:58,875 --> 00:08:01,624
Oh yeah, I think so.
How far is Redondo Beach?
52
00:08:02,083 --> 00:08:04,749
- 150 miles.
- Hm, an hour flat.
53
00:08:05,041 --> 00:08:07,582
What are we waiting for? Let's go!
54
00:08:38,083 --> 00:08:41,832
Welcome Ladies and Gentlemen
to the fifth annual Madera air show.
55
00:08:42,041 --> 00:08:46,790
The greatest, most sensational gathering
of stunt pilots and daredevils in the US.
56
00:08:47,250 --> 00:08:50,749
Displays of flying and courage
like you've never seen before...
57
00:08:51,000 --> 00:08:53,832
...concluding with the most
death-defying stunt of them all:
58
00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:57,582
The human Bomb!
So grab your kids, grab your hats.
59
00:08:57,750 --> 00:09:00,624
The festivities will begin shortly!
60
00:09:06,125 --> 00:09:09,165
Are you sure this is a good idea, J.J?
61
00:09:10,375 --> 00:09:12,540
A good idea?
62
00:09:13,250 --> 00:09:15,582
- We're gonna get so rich.
- Rich? - Rich!
63
00:09:15,791 --> 00:09:19,499
We're gonna split everything 50/50
right down the middle. We're partners!
64
00:09:19,583 --> 00:09:22,749
- Partners?
- You bet. We're friends, aren't we?
- Partners and friends.
65
00:09:22,791 --> 00:09:26,374
- And we're gonna be rich.
- Rich partners and friends.
- That's right!
66
00:09:27,250 --> 00:09:30,582
- What if something goes wrong?
- What could go wrong?
67
00:09:32,166 --> 00:09:35,790
We've got the ace dive
bomber pilot from World War II.
68
00:09:35,916 --> 00:09:39,290
- Dive bomber?
- Oh yeah. He'll let you go right out of the plane...
69
00:09:39,750 --> 00:09:43,165
...with this. And you'll go right through that target.
- Target?
- Right through...
70
00:09:43,375 --> 00:09:45,915
- ...and into a net, strong net...
- Net?
71
00:09:46,166 --> 00:09:49,790
And if you go through the net, then you'll
land in some hay. I mean, so much hay
72
00:09:49,916 --> 00:09:53,624
- you could feed all the cattle in Texas.
- What am I worried about?
73
00:09:53,750 --> 00:09:56,832
- Nothing! Are you crazy?
- I'm so glad you're laughing.
74
00:09:57,000 --> 00:10:01,665
He can't miss! He can't miss!
I bless you. You will not miss.
75
00:10:01,791 --> 00:10:05,040
- J.J., I'm still scared.
- You're still scared? - Yeah.
76
00:10:05,250 --> 00:10:09,415
Well, if you're scared,
you could always have "him" do it.
77
00:10:09,750 --> 00:10:13,665
"Him" doesn't come unless
there's grave danger to human life.
78
00:10:14,666 --> 00:10:16,332
Right...
79
00:10:17,500 --> 00:10:19,915
You oughta call "him".
80
00:10:23,583 --> 00:10:25,374
Hello, this is Jack smith.
81
00:10:25,875 --> 00:10:30,165
We've brought our cameras to record for
our 30 million viewers a vintage dive bomber,
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00:10:30,250 --> 00:10:34,290
flying on a simulated attack run,
drop a human bomb.
83
00:10:34,583 --> 00:10:37,749
A man encased in steel,
risking life and limb,
84
00:10:37,875 --> 00:10:40,915
hurtling to the ground
at 140 miles per hour!
85
00:10:41,041 --> 00:10:43,915
Now, this is a man
of such great courage
86
00:10:44,041 --> 00:10:46,332
that he's destined to become
a household name.
87
00:10:46,541 --> 00:10:49,165
He'll be besieged for autographs,
88
00:10:49,250 --> 00:10:52,499
his picture will be on magazine
covers all over the world.
89
00:10:52,666 --> 00:10:55,665
Millions of adoring women
will be at his feet.
90
00:10:55,750 --> 00:10:58,582
He's bound to become
a national celebrity.
91
00:11:03,333 --> 00:11:05,290
Oh, shit...
92
00:11:07,791 --> 00:11:11,665
- J.J! Long time no see!
- Nice to see you, Captain Chaos.
93
00:11:12,291 --> 00:11:16,249
- Listen, I'd like to take your place in the bomb.
- Have no fear. "Him" is here.
94
00:11:16,333 --> 00:11:19,374
- It'd make me very happy.
- You want it? - Yes. - You got it.
95
00:11:19,916 --> 00:11:22,749
- Thank you.
- Suck in! - Okay.
96
00:11:23,750 --> 00:11:24,999
What a guy!
97
00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:36,540
Give me a D, give me a D,
give me a D-E-U,
98
00:11:36,625 --> 00:11:40,040
give me a T, give me a T,
T-S-C-H.
99
00:11:40,291 --> 00:11:43,415
Yea, Deutschland!
Listen...
100
00:11:43,875 --> 00:11:46,624
- You think you might like a beer?
- Hey!
101
00:11:47,500 --> 00:11:51,040
- Hey! - Deutschland, Deutschland...
- I want outta here!
102
00:11:51,333 --> 00:11:53,999
You asked for it!
103
00:12:03,666 --> 00:12:06,124
Here he comes, folks...
Here he is...
104
00:12:06,250 --> 00:12:09,040
One of the most dangerous stunts
we've ever had performed in Madera.
105
00:12:12,500 --> 00:12:16,124
On his final approach... This has
to be perfect the first time around.
106
00:12:43,750 --> 00:12:46,165
That's my partner.
What a team!
107
00:12:46,625 --> 00:12:49,749
The crash trucks are on their way.
We'll have word on his condition in a minute.
108
00:12:49,833 --> 00:12:52,624
What a pilot! What a pilot!
Are you okay?
109
00:12:52,750 --> 00:12:56,249
Oh my goodness, did you see that?
Wasn't that fantastic?
110
00:12:56,500 --> 00:12:59,374
- I'm so terrifically happy...
- Oh, shut up and get me outta here!
111
00:12:59,500 --> 00:13:01,749
- Did you hear the crowd? We were terrific!
- Get me out!
112
00:13:01,833 --> 00:13:05,624
I can just see us on PEOPLE
magazine. We're gonna be a big hit!
113
00:13:05,833 --> 00:13:08,332
J.J., you seem a little shorter!
114
00:13:08,791 --> 00:13:12,499
- J.J., are you okay? You know something? I figured it out.
- Yeah?
115
00:13:12,583 --> 00:13:15,540
- If we do this ten times a day...
- Yeah?
- ...By the end of the year
116
00:13:15,666 --> 00:13:17,915
we're gonna be billionaires!
117
00:13:18,833 --> 00:13:21,249
- What is that?
- Oh don't worry about that. It's the Cannonball Race.
118
00:13:21,291 --> 00:13:25,290
It's on again. A million dollars' the prize.
Don't worry. We're gonna be billionaires.
119
00:13:28,166 --> 00:13:31,665
- What did I say?
- You want me to do this ten times a day?
120
00:13:32,166 --> 00:13:33,749
Nine?
121
00:13:34,875 --> 00:13:37,374
What a grouch!
122
00:13:45,166 --> 00:13:48,999
I asked you to come here
out of respect for the family.
123
00:13:49,875 --> 00:13:52,915
In the past, the Cannelloni family
124
00:13:53,041 --> 00:13:58,082
was the richest and most
powerful family of all the families.
125
00:13:58,750 --> 00:14:03,415
We controlled drugs,
prostitution, extortion,
126
00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:07,749
- prostitution, gambling...
- Eh.
127
00:14:08,083 --> 00:14:10,915
You said "prostitution" twice.
128
00:14:11,041 --> 00:14:13,790
Well, I like it. And now...
129
00:14:14,250 --> 00:14:18,499
...the Rigatonis, the Tortellinis,
the Fettucinis...
130
00:14:19,083 --> 00:14:22,749
...and even the Raviolis
are bigger than we are.
131
00:14:24,166 --> 00:14:25,374
And why?
132
00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:31,999
- High interest rates?
- Acid rain? - Japanese imports?
133
00:14:38,083 --> 00:14:39,749
None of the above.
134
00:14:40,541 --> 00:14:43,415
No... No... No.
135
00:14:43,625 --> 00:14:45,540
You I'm not even gonna answer.
136
00:14:46,083 --> 00:14:50,124
Gee boss, if I knew there was gonna
be a test I... I would have studied.
137
00:14:50,750 --> 00:14:54,374
When I passed on
the powers of the Don...
138
00:14:54,875 --> 00:14:56,999
...to my son Don,
139
00:14:57,166 --> 00:15:00,040
making him Don Don,
140
00:15:00,666 --> 00:15:02,374
I had high hopes for him.
141
00:15:03,125 --> 00:15:07,332
And what has he done?
He has only brought us disgrace...
142
00:15:07,583 --> 00:15:09,749
...and shame.
143
00:15:12,041 --> 00:15:14,082
Wait a minute...
144
00:15:16,541 --> 00:15:19,040
This cat is dead.
145
00:15:20,875 --> 00:15:23,582
Get me a new cat.
146
00:15:27,000 --> 00:15:28,749
Oh God...
147
00:15:29,375 --> 00:15:31,999
The cat could have been a contender.
148
00:15:32,250 --> 00:15:34,582
I should have thought...
Thank you.
149
00:15:36,000 --> 00:15:39,124
It's a tabby. Very nice.
150
00:15:41,500 --> 00:15:43,290
It's a boy.
151
00:15:47,833 --> 00:15:52,499
Boys, go to Vegas.
Lean on Don.
152
00:15:53,666 --> 00:15:57,749
- Don Don.
- Hm?
- We're here to straighten out your affairs.
153
00:15:58,416 --> 00:16:01,040
What are your assets?
154
00:16:02,291 --> 00:16:06,165
Well, I'm good-natured and I dress well.
And some people think...
155
00:16:08,541 --> 00:16:12,290
- What about your liabilities?
- Well, there is...
156
00:16:12,416 --> 00:16:14,749
...one small liability.
157
00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:16,082
What?
158
00:16:16,541 --> 00:16:19,374
Well... I could use a tummy tuck.
159
00:16:19,833 --> 00:16:22,165
A tummy tuck? A tummy tuck?!
160
00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:27,165
- I'll kill him... I'll kill him.
- Calm yourself. - I'll kill him.
161
00:16:28,250 --> 00:16:32,040
Don Don, do you have any
outstanding markers?
162
00:16:32,500 --> 00:16:35,499
- Look in the in-box.
- Look in the in-box.
163
00:16:37,833 --> 00:16:42,249
30,000... It's not too
outstanding, but it's a start.
164
00:16:44,416 --> 00:16:48,374
- Fenderbaum? - Hm.
- Fenderbaum...
165
00:16:51,916 --> 00:16:57,249
- You better call Jim and tell him where his car is.
- Me? I called last time. You call Jim.
166
00:17:02,333 --> 00:17:05,499
- Well, hi there!
- Hi! Could I help you girls?
167
00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:09,749
- This thing's stuck.
- Oh yeah. Yeah.
168
00:17:10,375 --> 00:17:13,832
- Take a hike, Mike.
- Yeah, get lost.
169
00:17:18,500 --> 00:17:22,999
- Ugh. What a jerk!
- Okay. What are we gonna do? Marcie, hey.
170
00:17:23,250 --> 00:17:26,999
Hey, honey. Right here, yeah.
Come on here, baby.
171
00:17:27,250 --> 00:17:29,165
Hi, sugar.
172
00:17:32,083 --> 00:17:35,290
- You girls all right?
- Could be.
173
00:17:35,375 --> 00:17:38,040
This is a beauty.
Doesn't sound stock.
174
00:17:38,250 --> 00:17:42,499
It isn't. I took the six out
and shoe-horned in a 383 hemi.
175
00:17:42,541 --> 00:17:45,999
- It's hot, baby.
- Hey, you got room for two more?
176
00:17:47,583 --> 00:17:51,332
- I'm Marcie. - Yeah, and I'm Jill.
- I'm George. - Let's go, Georgie.
177
00:17:55,875 --> 00:17:59,499
L.A. Tower to Japan cargo.
Report to hangar three.
178
00:17:59,625 --> 00:18:01,540
Roger, Tower.
179
00:18:02,416 --> 00:18:06,040
No luck. They want us in customs.
They'll impound your car for two days.
180
00:18:06,250 --> 00:18:09,374
That means, you're gonna miss the race.
What do you want to do?
181
00:18:10,500 --> 00:18:12,749
- Okay, down!
- Okay.
182
00:18:13,250 --> 00:18:15,499
Change of plans. You're bailing out.
183
00:18:17,416 --> 00:18:19,540
- Button up!
- Roger.
184
00:18:21,583 --> 00:18:24,332
Battle stations!
185
00:19:04,583 --> 00:19:06,665
Okay, make us invisible.
186
00:19:51,583 --> 00:19:55,415
I know you're in there, Blake.
I can hear the ice cubes.
187
00:19:55,750 --> 00:19:58,915
This is me, Fenderbaum.
So open up!
188
00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:04,290
Blake, I know you're in there!
189
00:20:21,250 --> 00:20:23,749
The Candy Man can.
190
00:20:29,625 --> 00:20:34,082
Everybody loves somebody, sometime...
191
00:20:37,500 --> 00:20:40,832
When I make a dry martini,
I make a dry martini.
192
00:20:46,916 --> 00:20:50,332
- There's somebody at the window.
- That's just the window cleaner.
193
00:20:52,750 --> 00:20:56,374
- Honey, who is it?
- I don't know. There's nobody there.
194
00:20:56,791 --> 00:20:57,999
Blake!
195
00:20:59,375 --> 00:21:04,124
- Open up the window!
- I'll be back in a minute. Don't go away.
196
00:21:05,416 --> 00:21:07,749
I'm gonna kill him.
197
00:21:09,500 --> 00:21:12,832
- There's nothing out here.
- Blake! Down here!
198
00:21:16,000 --> 00:21:18,999
I don't care what it is.
Not now!
199
00:21:19,041 --> 00:21:21,249
But I gotta talk to you now.
200
00:21:21,500 --> 00:21:23,540
- You gotta?
- Yes.
201
00:21:30,416 --> 00:21:34,040
Do you know that I'm eighteen
stories above the ground? Eighteen!
202
00:21:34,125 --> 00:21:36,249
- Eighteen?
- Yes, eighteen!
203
00:21:40,250 --> 00:21:42,040
Eighteen?
204
00:21:49,583 --> 00:21:52,249
You know you're the tallest
short guy I've ever seen?
205
00:21:54,000 --> 00:21:57,665
Read this, will you? Just read that.
That's from the Sheik.
206
00:21:58,000 --> 00:22:00,999
They're gonna start the Cannonball again.
And the sheik's putting up
207
00:22:01,125 --> 00:22:06,165
$1 million to the winner. And you know
who the winner will be? $1 million!
208
00:22:06,833 --> 00:22:10,040
Take it easy now.
No, don't come out.
209
00:22:10,250 --> 00:22:12,665
- I'll come in.
- Blake?
210
00:22:15,041 --> 00:22:18,749
- Where are you going?
- I gotta do it. It's a million dollars.
211
00:22:19,166 --> 00:22:21,290
You creep!
212
00:22:23,166 --> 00:22:27,999
- Where did you get the scaffold?
- Huh? I thought this was the elevator.
213
00:22:42,500 --> 00:22:44,832
I see you got my telegram, Doctor.
214
00:22:45,916 --> 00:22:48,790
Was that that yellow thing
with the printing on it?
215
00:22:48,875 --> 00:22:52,749
Yes. - I got that, yes.
I read that. It's uhm...
216
00:22:53,000 --> 00:22:55,665
It was... What does it say?
217
00:22:56,833 --> 00:22:59,582
It said I wish to employ your services
218
00:22:59,750 --> 00:23:03,165
to take care of my royal ulcer
during the Cannonball Run.
219
00:23:04,291 --> 00:23:06,874
Do you know much about ulcers?
220
00:23:06,875 --> 00:23:10,499
Proctology's my specialty.
221
00:23:10,833 --> 00:23:13,165
I'm very probably...
222
00:23:13,541 --> 00:23:17,082
...the world's most famous
expert on ulcers.
223
00:23:18,541 --> 00:23:22,915
I should probably give you an
examination right now. Open up there.
224
00:23:27,583 --> 00:23:31,249
I sterilized it.
Before we go any further...
225
00:23:32,666 --> 00:23:36,790
There's the matter of my fee.
We should discuss my fee...
226
00:23:39,000 --> 00:23:42,999
It's... just about that amount.
227
00:23:46,583 --> 00:23:49,540
- Hey, wait a minute. You gonna drink milk?
- Yeah.
228
00:23:49,666 --> 00:23:52,499
Aren't you afraid it's gonna curdle
when it hits your liver?
229
00:23:52,583 --> 00:23:55,249
My liver died last year.
230
00:23:56,625 --> 00:24:01,499
- Can I help you?
-???
- Anybody around here speak Oriental?
231
00:24:04,500 --> 00:24:07,832
Sure. One sake coming up.
232
00:24:13,000 --> 00:24:16,749
What he said was:
"Blackjack and water"
233
00:24:17,750 --> 00:24:19,499
Now!
234
00:24:21,291 --> 00:24:24,082
- You got it?
- Yes Sir. Coming right up.
235
00:24:26,000 --> 00:24:30,249
We'll get a nice big bottle of champagne,
and then we'll go up to my place.
236
00:24:30,416 --> 00:24:32,832
Father, what are you saying?
237
00:24:33,916 --> 00:24:36,582
Didn't you ever see THORNBIRDs?
238
00:24:38,583 --> 00:24:42,332
Hey pal, I'll never get laid
in this outfit.
239
00:24:42,500 --> 00:24:45,999
From now on, I'm gonna wear
nothing but open collars.
240
00:24:46,500 --> 00:24:50,749
- No man can live by bread alone.
- I can. I love bread.
241
00:24:50,791 --> 00:24:54,374
You know, my favorite is a
Parker House roll. It just is so nice.
242
00:24:54,500 --> 00:24:57,915
And then the Russian rye. You know,
there's so many raisins in it that...
243
00:24:58,416 --> 00:25:01,499
- I'm not talking about that.
- O... Okay.
244
00:25:01,791 --> 00:25:04,665
- I'm talking about women.
- Women? - Women.
245
00:25:04,875 --> 00:25:09,415
I want a girl that's sensitive and
vulnerable. I really... I need a girl.
246
00:25:09,875 --> 00:25:12,915
- Yeah! Me too.
- You?
247
00:25:13,041 --> 00:25:17,832
- Sure. Hey J.J., I'm not a eunuch, you know?
- Of course you're not a eunuch.
248
00:25:17,916 --> 00:25:20,374
Don't put yourself down like that.
249
00:25:20,500 --> 00:25:23,499
You have a striking resemblance
to a eunuch, but you...
250
00:25:24,500 --> 00:25:27,999
I'm just kidding. You want a girl?
You can have one of my girls.
251
00:25:28,083 --> 00:25:31,415
- I couldn't take one of your girls.
- Oh, you can. - Well, maybe just one.
252
00:25:31,583 --> 00:25:33,374
To clear up my complexion.
253
00:25:36,041 --> 00:25:39,249
- So tomorrow...
- Tomorrow.
- ...we turn over a new leaf.
- A new leaf.
254
00:25:39,541 --> 00:25:42,415
- Up and clean!
- Up and clean.
255
00:25:45,500 --> 00:25:47,999
And tonight... down and dirty.
256
00:25:50,125 --> 00:25:53,540
- Hi J.J!
- Hi! Are you guys doing anything tonight?
257
00:25:53,625 --> 00:25:57,415
- Not now.
- Let's go somewhere and talk about customs and camshafts.
258
00:25:57,500 --> 00:25:59,749
Coming, J.J!
259
00:26:15,625 --> 00:26:19,415
Do we still owe Don Don $30,000?
260
00:26:20,083 --> 00:26:22,290
- Did you pay him?
- No.
261
00:26:22,625 --> 00:26:25,040
Well, then we still owe him $30,000!
262
00:26:26,583 --> 00:26:29,624
Well, one of his collection men
came to collect it.
263
00:26:29,833 --> 00:26:33,832
- Wh... wh... where?
- He's at the front door, but don't look.
264
00:26:35,833 --> 00:26:38,499
I said don't look!
265
00:26:38,750 --> 00:26:42,124
If he's at the front door,
we'll go out the back door,
266
00:26:42,250 --> 00:26:45,249
since he can't be at two places
at one time, right?
267
00:26:45,500 --> 00:26:48,415
- That's a good suggestion.
- Split city.
268
00:26:51,250 --> 00:26:54,290
- We're gonna die.
- Aye.
269
00:26:58,166 --> 00:27:02,082
- What are they gonna do to us?
- Don't know what they're gonna do to you,
270
00:27:02,250 --> 00:27:06,749
but since Mr. T. ain't here, I'm gonna be
too busy lickin' their boots to see!
271
00:27:14,416 --> 00:27:16,999
The money, or I'll blow you away!
272
00:27:17,166 --> 00:27:19,374
I'll take the money.
273
00:27:21,333 --> 00:27:26,499
Listen guys, why would a couple of
operators like us be in Redondo Beach
274
00:27:26,625 --> 00:27:30,332
- with a bunch of hayseeds in jumpsuits?
- Okay, wise guys.
275
00:27:30,500 --> 00:27:34,290
- You tell us!
- We're gonna race to Connecticut and the one that wins
276
00:27:34,375 --> 00:27:38,665
gets $1 million in cash!
- Only a moron would back up a race like that.
277
00:27:39,750 --> 00:27:41,832
Ahh, Fenderboom, Blake!
278
00:27:42,375 --> 00:27:45,999
Good to see you!
You should be sleeping at this hour.
279
00:27:46,083 --> 00:27:48,499
Remember, we leave at noon tomorrow.
280
00:27:52,291 --> 00:27:55,790
Wingtips? Barbarians.
281
00:27:58,500 --> 00:28:02,249
Come, come! Buy yourselves
a decent clothing store.
282
00:28:02,500 --> 00:28:05,499
- Infidels!
- That's the moron.
283
00:28:06,375 --> 00:28:10,082
You know, these liars
could be telling the truth.
284
00:28:29,916 --> 00:28:32,749
Hymie Kaplan, what a surprise!
285
00:28:33,375 --> 00:28:35,915
Oh wow! You look wonderful!
286
00:28:37,000 --> 00:28:41,249
What brings you to the Pinto Ranch?
Is it business or pleasure?
287
00:28:45,250 --> 00:28:47,499
- May I have a chair?
- Oh, certainly.
288
00:28:53,125 --> 00:28:55,249
Oh, it's business.
289
00:28:55,625 --> 00:28:57,749
I just spoke to Dad, isn't that funny?
290
00:28:57,875 --> 00:29:01,540
- Don. You don't mind if I call you Don Don, do you?
- No, no.
291
00:29:01,625 --> 00:29:06,290
Oh good, Don Don. When your father was
having a little trouble with you in Brooklyn,
292
00:29:06,416 --> 00:29:10,499
he called me and asked me for a favor.
Could he send you out here to Vegas
293
00:29:10,833 --> 00:29:14,040
so that I could watch over yours.
So what do I do?
294
00:29:14,125 --> 00:29:16,749
I give you a job working at the casino.
And what did you do?
295
00:29:16,875 --> 00:29:20,790
- You spend all your time working on the chorus lines!
- One line!
296
00:29:20,916 --> 00:29:23,582
- I slept with one lousy chorus line!
- Shut up!
297
00:29:25,250 --> 00:29:28,040
The second favor I do for yours:
you come to me
298
00:29:28,333 --> 00:29:31,624
- and I lend you the money to start this...
- Hymie,
299
00:29:31,750 --> 00:29:34,999
the recession has hurt every small businessman.
- Oh yeah.
300
00:29:36,625 --> 00:29:39,290
- What does he owe?
- As of 9:30,
301
00:29:39,500 --> 00:29:43,582
the compounded 24% interest
weekly brings it to exactly
302
00:29:43,875 --> 00:29:49,082
9 million, 332 thousand,
448 dollars and 55 cents.
303
00:29:49,333 --> 00:29:51,249
Hymie, I'm doing the best I can!
304
00:29:51,541 --> 00:29:54,082
What?! I'll kill you.
305
00:29:57,166 --> 00:30:01,290
That's what's so tragic.
I'm gonna do you another big favor.
306
00:30:02,000 --> 00:30:05,249
I'll give you exactly until
tomorrow to pay everything off.
307
00:30:05,333 --> 00:30:07,332
- Well, it's no problem 'cause...
- Shut up.
308
00:30:09,000 --> 00:30:11,665
Exactly 24 hours, Don Don.
309
00:30:11,791 --> 00:30:13,915
I mean, Dumb Dumb.
310
00:30:14,916 --> 00:30:17,415
I think I call you
Dumb Dumb from now on.
311
00:30:18,166 --> 00:30:21,124
What do you think about that, chaps?
312
00:30:23,041 --> 00:30:25,665
- It's very funny, boss!
- It ain't funny!
313
00:30:25,791 --> 00:30:28,124
Now, I'll tell you
when somethin' is funny!
314
00:30:29,791 --> 00:30:32,040
Mañana, Dumb Dumb.
315
00:30:32,916 --> 00:30:34,749
Hymie, one question.
316
00:30:36,000 --> 00:30:38,332
Oh my God!
317
00:30:41,291 --> 00:30:43,374
What was the question?
318
00:30:43,750 --> 00:30:46,082
It'll keep, Hymie.
319
00:30:51,750 --> 00:30:55,332
- Are you sure this guy's your uncle?
- Yeah, and I told you he's your uncle too.
320
00:30:55,416 --> 00:30:58,290
Listen, I told you, don't tell me,
don't explain it to me again, please.
321
00:30:59,000 --> 00:31:02,249
He's my mother's brother,
who moved to California, and my mother
322
00:31:02,375 --> 00:31:05,124
is your father's sister,
and you're my mother's brother's son.
323
00:31:10,875 --> 00:31:14,749
- Is that our uncle?
- As... as they said, he had... er...
324
00:31:14,833 --> 00:31:17,915
...er... a white limo.
I ain't seen him in 20 years.
325
00:31:18,375 --> 00:31:20,832
He's from your side of the family.
326
00:31:22,125 --> 00:31:24,374
Uncle Cal?
327
00:31:26,833 --> 00:31:31,040
Howdy, boys!
Cal's the name and cars is my game.
328
00:31:31,125 --> 00:31:35,290
Got some real sweetheart
for little down and 9.9% financing.
329
00:31:36,041 --> 00:31:40,832
Uncle Cal, I'm... I'm your nephew...
er... Melvin from North Carolina.
330
00:31:41,250 --> 00:31:45,499
- You're my brother and sister's boy?
- And I'm your nephew Tony from Brooklyn.
331
00:31:45,833 --> 00:31:48,249
What pair are you out of?
332
00:31:48,500 --> 00:31:52,040
Well, it don't matter. Guess you boys
are wandering about my driver?
333
00:31:54,333 --> 00:31:56,999
He sure looks a little...
er... little... er... little...
334
00:31:57,416 --> 00:31:59,249
He... he's weird.
335
00:31:59,291 --> 00:32:02,040
Yeah, I mean, is it easy
to get a license in this town?
336
00:32:02,166 --> 00:32:05,249
Oh, he ain't got no license! Come here.
337
00:32:06,000 --> 00:32:10,749
I do all the driving from here. He just
sits there and looks like he's driving.
338
00:32:10,833 --> 00:32:13,624
It's a publicity gimmick.
I got a slogan:
339
00:32:13,750 --> 00:32:16,999
"If a monkey can drive, so can you!"
340
00:32:21,083 --> 00:32:24,790
I love this boy.
He's part of our family.
341
00:32:25,791 --> 00:32:28,790
Come on, son. Ain't he cute?
342
00:32:29,916 --> 00:32:33,665
Hey look. Hey, Uncle Cal.
We got a real real problem.
343
00:32:33,750 --> 00:32:37,665
Hey Uncle Cal, we ain't got any
money right now. We're flat broke.
344
00:32:37,750 --> 00:32:40,082
Yeah, but we need a car right away.
345
00:32:41,500 --> 00:32:45,582
- What are you boys doin' out here?
- Uncle Cal, we... er... we're Ca...
346
00:32:45,916 --> 00:32:48,540
- We're... we're Cannon...
- We are Cannonballers.
347
00:32:49,333 --> 00:32:52,499
Stop it, boy! I told you
not to play with the phones.
348
00:32:54,791 --> 00:32:57,999
Damn chimp costs me
$300 a month in wrong numbers.
349
00:32:59,250 --> 00:33:03,665
Hey, stop it, you primate!
That's it! I've had it with you!
350
00:33:04,000 --> 00:33:07,499
Excuse me, fellas. I've gotta
teach this old boy some manners.
351
00:33:08,500 --> 00:33:09,749
Son!
352
00:33:12,125 --> 00:33:13,749
Now you've stepped in it!
353
00:33:18,125 --> 00:33:21,249
Boys, I got one condition on the deal.
354
00:33:21,416 --> 00:33:26,499
I'm gonna give you the limo, but only if you
take this hairy son-of-a-bitch with you!
355
00:33:31,625 --> 00:33:34,999
- If he's a choreographer, I'm an aviator.
- Really?
356
00:33:35,500 --> 00:33:40,290
- Same old slop. Let's go to the coffee shop.
- Alright.
357
00:33:40,541 --> 00:33:43,040
- See you at the matinee?
- Yeah.
358
00:33:44,041 --> 00:33:47,290
If I have to sing "Sound of music"
one more time, I'm gonna croak!
359
00:33:47,375 --> 00:33:51,249
I'm so sick of the Crap family,
I'm gonna scream!
360
00:33:54,833 --> 00:33:58,082
- Oh, it's so crowded.
- Why do we eat here at all?
361
00:33:58,916 --> 00:34:02,040
- Here Sisters, take this table. We're finished.
- Oh, thank you.
362
00:34:02,125 --> 00:34:06,290
Very generous and very sweet
of you. Bless you. Awfully nice of you.
363
00:34:11,541 --> 00:34:14,790
I tell you, I'm sick of coffee shops,
I'm sick of the show.
364
00:34:15,083 --> 00:34:17,582
- I'm sick of show business.
- Betty, look at it this way:
365
00:34:17,666 --> 00:34:21,332
- It's a stepping stone to Broadway.
- I'm getting out while I'm at the bottom.
366
00:34:21,416 --> 00:34:24,582
Finito, Veronica. I wanna get
married, I wanna have a big house.
367
00:34:24,750 --> 00:34:27,665
I just wanna find some nice,
sweet, bozo millionaire.
368
00:34:27,916 --> 00:34:30,332
- You know what I'm gonna do with my half of the million?
- Tell me.
- Alright.
369
00:34:30,750 --> 00:34:33,499
I'm gonna buy my mom a great,
big, brand new house.
370
00:34:33,833 --> 00:34:38,165
And I'm gonna buy my nephew a pony.
And I will get the kid a shovel,
371
00:34:38,291 --> 00:34:42,499
because ponies... - I tell you somethin'
- J.J., what are you gonna do with yours?
372
00:34:42,541 --> 00:34:45,290
- My money's gonna be gone, before I even get to the car.
- Really?
373
00:34:47,083 --> 00:34:50,915
- Come on, let's go introduce ourselves.
- Are you crazy?
374
00:34:51,416 --> 00:34:54,165
- Oh my God!
- For Jesus Christ!
375
00:34:58,916 --> 00:35:03,874
Excuse us gentlemen, but we have
just spilled coffee all over the table.
376
00:35:04,000 --> 00:35:06,624
- Would you mind, if we sat with you?
- Sit with us?
377
00:35:06,750 --> 00:35:10,499
- You wanna join us? - Oh no, don't get up.
- Sure. - Boy-nun, boy-nun.
378
00:35:11,416 --> 00:35:14,165
- Boy-nun, boy-nun?
- Thank you, Sir.
379
00:35:14,375 --> 00:35:17,249
- J.J., they're gonna join us.
- Yeah. - Thank you.
380
00:35:17,333 --> 00:35:19,749
- I'm Sister Veronica.
- And I'm Sister Betty.
381
00:35:19,916 --> 00:35:23,749
- How do you do?
- I'm J.J. McClure and this is Victor Prinze.
382
00:35:24,083 --> 00:35:27,040
- We're partners.
- Are you boys married?
383
00:35:27,500 --> 00:35:29,749
No, just partners.
384
00:35:32,000 --> 00:35:35,374
- Partners? Well, sweet.
- Sister Betty?
385
00:35:35,500 --> 00:35:38,249
That's correct. But we're not partners,
we're sisters. Not real sisters.
386
00:35:38,375 --> 00:35:43,790
- We're just in the same order together.
- So what do you gentlemen do for a living?
387
00:35:44,291 --> 00:35:46,665
We race across the country.
For money.
388
00:35:46,750 --> 00:35:49,999
Oh, and we're gonna have
a race today to the East Coast.
389
00:35:50,166 --> 00:35:52,540
Are you racing to Broadway?
390
00:35:54,833 --> 00:35:57,165
Connecticut. What order
did you say you're from?
391
00:35:57,333 --> 00:35:59,790
Oh, actually it's just a...
a bunch of girls.
392
00:35:59,916 --> 00:36:03,124
- Bunch of girls?
- We're affiliated together in the Order of...
393
00:36:03,375 --> 00:36:06,999
- Immaculate...
- ...Chastity.
- The Order of Immaculate Chastity.
394
00:36:07,375 --> 00:36:11,832
The Order of Immaculate Chastity.
I read the Bible all the time.
395
00:36:12,000 --> 00:36:15,249
In fact, I read the Bible that was
printed on the head of a pin.
396
00:36:15,500 --> 00:36:18,040
That was hard.
But I never heard of the...
397
00:36:18,333 --> 00:36:21,624
Well, you have to read the New Testament.
That... It's not even in the New Testament.
398
00:36:21,750 --> 00:36:24,415
- It's the New...
- New Wave. - Aha!
399
00:36:24,666 --> 00:36:27,749
- New... New Test... very progressive Testament.
- We'll try to catch it.
400
00:36:28,750 --> 00:36:31,040
We have holy work to do. Let's go.
401
00:36:31,375 --> 00:36:33,749
Okay. Well, maybe some other time.
402
00:36:34,500 --> 00:36:38,999
- At what time did you say your race is?
- Noon. - At the Portofino Inn, Sister.
403
00:36:39,791 --> 00:36:42,790
- Goodbye, Sister veronica.
- Come, Sister Betty.
404
00:36:43,000 --> 00:36:45,624
- Nice meetin' you, Sister.
- Thank you. - Bye bye.
405
00:36:45,750 --> 00:36:48,540
Come on, hurry Sister Betty,
we have lots of lepers waiting.
406
00:36:50,500 --> 00:36:53,290
- Don Don? - What is this now?
- Everything is fine.
407
00:36:53,500 --> 00:36:56,999
What we did is,
we put our heads together
408
00:36:57,291 --> 00:37:01,124
and we're gonna rip off the Arab
on the road during the car race.
409
00:37:01,541 --> 00:37:05,915
You put your heads together, huh?
It must have sounded like a bowling alley!
410
00:37:06,333 --> 00:37:10,124
- Yes, Don Don.
- We need millions of dollars by... what time is it now?
411
00:37:10,250 --> 00:37:12,332
Oh my God! By tomorrow!
412
00:37:12,833 --> 00:37:16,082
If we can get the sheik,
we got the money.
413
00:37:16,375 --> 00:37:19,915
He wants us to rip off the Arab
and then kidnap him.
414
00:37:20,125 --> 00:37:24,249
- What for?
- What for?!! Ransom, you idiots! Ransom.
415
00:37:24,291 --> 00:37:26,415
R-A-N-S-U-M!
Ransom!
416
00:37:26,666 --> 00:37:29,582
- Understand, you imbeciles?
- You got it. Please calm yourself.
417
00:37:29,750 --> 00:37:31,749
- Tell this to Hymie!
- Okay, have a nice day.
418
00:38:17,875 --> 00:38:22,832
J.J., is that legal? Both of them?
At the same time?
419
00:38:26,166 --> 00:38:29,915
J.J., you're bad.
Hi Jill, Hi Marcie!
420
00:38:30,333 --> 00:38:32,499
Cute car!
421
00:38:33,333 --> 00:38:36,874
Imagine the stories J.J.'s
making up about last night.
422
00:38:37,000 --> 00:38:41,415
- He's driving poor Victor crazy.
- Yeah. Poor victor's buying every word of it.
423
00:38:41,791 --> 00:38:44,582
- Well, what he doesn't know ain't gonna hurt us.
- Never has.
424
00:38:45,041 --> 00:38:47,790
- Let's check out our competition.
- Alright.
425
00:38:49,750 --> 00:38:52,665
Well, you look great. You really do.
You look real sexy!
426
00:38:52,833 --> 00:38:54,290
Sexy?
427
00:38:56,375 --> 00:39:01,040
- You look...
- And I look like a turd.
- No, you don't.
- J.J., what am I supposed to be?
428
00:39:01,125 --> 00:39:03,540
You're a career army man.
429
00:39:05,166 --> 00:39:07,499
Forty years in the army,
the backbone of the army!
430
00:39:07,625 --> 00:39:09,582
- Alright! - Alright.
- Man.
431
00:39:10,250 --> 00:39:13,999
- Wish I had a medal. - You want a medal?
- Well, I'd like to have a medal.
432
00:39:14,750 --> 00:39:17,790
- Take one.
- Oh, no.
- Take one, you're my friend.
- I couldn't take
433
00:39:17,875 --> 00:39:21,124
- one of your medals. I couldn't do it.
- Take anyone you like. I love you.
434
00:39:21,250 --> 00:39:22,874
Okay.
435
00:39:23,166 --> 00:39:25,665
- This is a nice one right here.
- That one. - Thanks.
436
00:39:25,791 --> 00:39:27,915
Oh, this is really swell.
437
00:39:28,750 --> 00:39:31,749
The Congressional Medal of Honor.
Thank you very much!
438
00:39:32,375 --> 00:39:34,499
That's really nice.
439
00:39:34,791 --> 00:39:39,999
Oh boy... Oh, and it's so shiny.
I'm real glad. I love it.
440
00:39:40,125 --> 00:39:43,624
- Oh, look, J.J. - Ah.
- Good morning. - Good morning.
441
00:39:44,125 --> 00:39:47,540
General? Are you a General?
General J.J. McClure.
442
00:39:47,791 --> 00:39:50,790
- Oh, you're a private.
- National Guard. - Listen...
443
00:39:50,916 --> 00:39:53,874
The Lord asks a favor
and we ask a favor of you.
444
00:39:54,125 --> 00:39:58,290
We have an emergency in New York
and it's very important that we get there.
445
00:39:58,666 --> 00:40:02,290
- And we've lost our means of transportation.
- And our vows of poverty
446
00:40:02,375 --> 00:40:06,415
prevent us from traveling commercially.
Could we go along with you?
447
00:40:06,833 --> 00:40:09,540
We only have 48 hours to get there,
you see. Otherwise...
448
00:40:10,250 --> 00:40:12,790
...the lepers might cause a panic.
449
00:40:13,250 --> 00:40:17,290
- The lepers?
- Yes. We treated lepers on Molokai,
450
00:40:17,416 --> 00:40:20,540
and now several hundred of them
have made their way East to the Big Apple.
451
00:40:20,666 --> 00:40:22,999
- We'd like to continue treating them.
- Oh...
452
00:40:23,250 --> 00:40:25,665
- Oh, sure Sister, this is gonna be swell.
- Excuse me.
453
00:40:26,000 --> 00:40:29,124
- Excuse me. Just one minute.
- What? - Come here.
454
00:40:29,916 --> 00:40:32,499
- What?
- How could you tell 'em "The Big Apple"?!
455
00:40:33,083 --> 00:40:36,832
- The lepers? Big Apple?
- Well, The Big Apple is New York, J.J.
456
00:40:37,000 --> 00:40:39,540
- I know that.
- And I didn't even know they had lepers there.
457
00:40:39,666 --> 00:40:42,540
- Listen to me. We can't take nuns along.
- Oh please. - No!
458
00:40:42,625 --> 00:40:45,415
What, if we're driving along
and I see a pretty girl hitchhiking?
459
00:40:45,541 --> 00:40:48,582
She wants to get in the car,
a little action? And we got nuns along?
460
00:40:48,666 --> 00:40:51,874
- I'm good, but I'm not that good.
- Listen, if we take these nuns
461
00:40:52,000 --> 00:40:54,249
I bet that God will be our co-pilot.
462
00:40:54,500 --> 00:40:55,665
Well...
463
00:41:00,375 --> 00:41:01,915
- Why not?
- Oh, J.J.
464
00:41:02,791 --> 00:41:06,249
- You can come along.
- Oh, bless you, my son.
465
00:41:06,375 --> 00:41:09,624
- Oh, J.J. You'll get your reward in heaven.
- I don't wanna wait that long.
466
00:41:11,000 --> 00:41:14,499
- Snappy bags, huh?
- It's purple for Lent. - Ah. Good.
467
00:41:15,291 --> 00:41:19,374
I should tell you something. When we're
gonna be in the car, it'll be kind of cramped.
468
00:41:20,000 --> 00:41:23,040
- It'll be alright? - Of course.
- It'll be alright.
469
00:41:24,000 --> 00:41:28,249
My Milly took a vow of chastity.
She had headaches all the time.
470
00:41:30,500 --> 00:41:32,665
Well, well, well...
471
00:41:32,875 --> 00:41:37,499
Look who we have here.
General Patton... and General Admission.
472
00:41:40,166 --> 00:41:44,290
Heckle and Jeckle dressed as cops.
Gotta arrest their minds for vagrancy.
473
00:41:44,750 --> 00:41:48,374
- Any problems, officers?
- Are you kidding, Ladies?
474
00:41:48,500 --> 00:41:52,540
I might as well tell you something.
We tried it at the last race, dressed like priests.
475
00:41:52,666 --> 00:41:55,749
We didn't win. It didn't help us
and it ain't gonna help you.
476
00:41:57,416 --> 00:42:00,874
Now, as a law enforcement officer
I exercise my rights
477
00:42:01,000 --> 00:42:05,165
to take these two young ladies
and submit them to a very nice long
478
00:42:05,375 --> 00:42:08,749
- and thorough body search.
- Shame on you! - Listen.
479
00:42:09,000 --> 00:42:13,749
These are real nuns. This is not a
Halloween party. Have a little respect.
480
00:42:15,291 --> 00:42:17,790
I'm up to here with you.
481
00:42:35,333 --> 00:42:36,415
You're sick.
482
00:42:37,000 --> 00:42:40,415
Gather around, look this way.
Fenderboom, Blake, J.J., victor...
483
00:42:41,583 --> 00:42:44,582
Fellow Cannonballers,
give me your attention.
484
00:42:45,125 --> 00:42:47,582
Allah came to me one night and said:
485
00:42:47,666 --> 00:42:50,290
"Falafel, be a sport!"
486
00:42:50,625 --> 00:42:53,499
"Spread the wealth
before Khomeini gets it all."
487
00:42:55,041 --> 00:42:58,749
Please, please...
The important thing to know is
488
00:42:59,333 --> 00:43:06,249
that I personally am donating
the purse of $1 million to the winner!
489
00:43:15,250 --> 00:43:20,374
Remember the golden rule:
He who has the gold makes the rules.
490
00:43:20,666 --> 00:43:22,790
I go first.
491
00:43:24,791 --> 00:43:28,415
- General, will this trip be dangerous?
- Oh, I don't think dangerous, Sister.
492
00:43:28,541 --> 00:43:31,040
Maybe exciting, but...
493
00:43:33,625 --> 00:43:36,832
Hello everyone...
Good to see you again.
494
00:43:37,416 --> 00:43:41,832
J.J., I shall endeavor to get you the win.
Throw the little nuns in the car...
495
00:43:41,916 --> 00:43:44,790
...and let's be off!
- Does your friend have an identity problem?
496
00:43:45,500 --> 00:43:47,874
No problem and no time, Sister.
497
00:43:49,291 --> 00:43:52,499
General, you should be in the back.
Sister Betty, up front with me.
498
00:43:52,750 --> 00:43:54,415
Boy-nun, boy-nun.
499
00:43:56,416 --> 00:43:59,332
- Isn't he adorable?
- I heard that.
500
00:44:02,250 --> 00:44:03,999
The jury's still out on that.
501
00:44:04,416 --> 00:44:09,165
Here is to good luck.
May it all be mine!
502
00:45:51,000 --> 00:45:53,665
I don't understand this, Tony.
503
00:45:54,041 --> 00:45:58,249
For the last time:
I hit the back of the Arab's car,
504
00:45:58,791 --> 00:46:02,249
push a button, presto.
These things clamp onto the bumper.
505
00:46:02,833 --> 00:46:06,665
Then I step on the brakes.
We stop, get out of the car,
506
00:46:06,791 --> 00:46:10,790
and snatch him...
Now do you understand?
507
00:46:13,375 --> 00:46:14,790
Yeah...
508
00:46:34,833 --> 00:46:38,749
Attention: Smokey in pursuit.
- O-oh, trouble.
509
00:46:42,000 --> 00:46:45,749
- Well, do something high-tech.
- Smokey... gaining.
510
00:46:48,500 --> 00:46:50,290
Afterburner... ready.
511
00:47:01,291 --> 00:47:04,124
Boy, that's what I call a high-tech!
512
00:47:11,000 --> 00:47:15,915
- Here they come.
- Still seems complicated, Tony.
513
00:47:16,291 --> 00:47:20,665
It's a piece of cake. I just
speed up and I get to his back bumper.
514
00:47:21,041 --> 00:47:22,999
Here we go. Get ready. Easing up.
515
00:47:23,375 --> 00:47:25,832
Now don't blow it. Just hit the button.
516
00:47:26,083 --> 00:47:30,124
Easing up. Easing up. Now! Now!
517
00:47:30,916 --> 00:47:34,999
- You're not holding the wheel steady, Tony.
- Hey, you wanna drive?
518
00:47:35,750 --> 00:47:37,165
Hit it!
519
00:47:39,333 --> 00:47:43,249
- Nothing can separate us now. Nothing!
- Nothing!
520
00:47:51,375 --> 00:47:55,249
Maybe it only works
on American cars, eh Tony?
521
00:48:08,541 --> 00:48:10,582
Oh, how sweet.
522
00:48:27,333 --> 00:48:29,415
Can I help you, ma'am?
523
00:48:34,000 --> 00:48:38,249
- Aren't we going above the speed limit?
- Yes, 110, Sister Betty.
524
00:48:41,250 --> 00:48:44,249
- Oh, this is exciting!
- Are you blessing my leg?
525
00:48:45,375 --> 00:48:46,582
Yeah.
526
00:48:49,791 --> 00:48:52,082
Keep blessing, sister!
527
00:48:56,375 --> 00:49:00,040
- We just passed this police car.
- That's alright. We pass 'em all the time.
528
00:49:00,500 --> 00:49:05,082
- Sarge, are we doin' 80?
- Yeah, we sure are!
529
00:49:05,250 --> 00:49:09,040
- Did they just pass us like we were standing still?
- Let me tell you what to do, son.
530
00:49:09,416 --> 00:49:14,290
Buckle up. You're taking part in your
first high-speed pursuit and capture!
531
00:49:16,833 --> 00:49:21,749
- It's following us. The police car's following us.
- Probably recognized me.
532
00:49:29,000 --> 00:49:32,040
- What?
- I mean, it's not my life style.
533
00:49:32,166 --> 00:49:33,624
- I don't...
- No, you're fine.
534
00:49:36,291 --> 00:49:40,249
- You're shaking. I'll hold your hand.
- Oh, thank you, thank you.
535
00:49:40,416 --> 00:49:43,624
- Oh, they're so warm.
- J.J. is the warmest!
536
00:49:44,000 --> 00:49:48,540
- Sister Betty, he has such warm skin!
- He has such warm skin?
537
00:49:49,083 --> 00:49:51,124
You should feel the heater up here.
538
00:49:53,125 --> 00:49:56,582
Noticed how I took that last curve?
High and wide, straight through the apex.
539
00:49:56,666 --> 00:49:59,499
Pick up about 15 mph more coming out.
540
00:50:17,916 --> 00:50:20,332
- What are you writin'?
- The accident report.
541
00:50:24,541 --> 00:50:25,499
Damn!
542
00:50:26,250 --> 00:50:29,915
- Tony, are you sure about this?
- Stop complaining!
543
00:50:30,041 --> 00:50:34,332
- Statistics proof flying is safer than driving.
- Is that right?
544
00:50:38,291 --> 00:50:43,540
Sideward and rearward
maneuvering is accomplished by...
545
00:50:44,791 --> 00:50:48,249
oh, am I mad at you!
You told me you could fly this thing.
546
00:50:48,375 --> 00:50:51,499
We almost got killed
three times already!
547
00:50:54,416 --> 00:50:58,290
Will you shut up an read the instructions?!
Or we'll be killed for the last time!
548
00:50:58,416 --> 00:51:01,540
You're getting me crazy.
This thing can not fly by itself!
549
00:51:19,166 --> 00:51:22,749
- We're leveling out!
- Alright, so we didn't crash.
550
00:51:22,833 --> 00:51:26,415
- Now, explain to me about the magnet on the helicopter.
- Why?
551
00:51:26,541 --> 00:51:30,999
- This scheme is too complicated for me.
- The alphabet is too complicated for you!
552
00:51:31,125 --> 00:51:35,832
It's simple: this magnet is powerful enough
to pick a Brinks truck right off the street.
553
00:51:36,125 --> 00:51:38,415
Oh, a Brinks truck, huh?
554
00:51:45,583 --> 00:51:49,832
- Here's your sandwich, Your Highness.
- You'd better not, Your Royalship.
555
00:51:50,000 --> 00:51:53,415
That salami will kick the shit
out of your ulcer!
556
00:51:57,250 --> 00:52:01,290
- Wait, wait. There's the Rolls!
- Ha! Good.
557
00:52:05,416 --> 00:52:09,499
- This flyin' is a piece of cake!
- Now that we found 'em, what do we do?
558
00:52:10,000 --> 00:52:13,999
Are you kidding? I just sneak up behind 'em.
They probably won't even know I'm there.
559
00:52:14,083 --> 00:52:16,999
Then, at the right second:
zappo! We snatch 'em.
560
00:52:17,083 --> 00:52:19,499
Oh! Smart!
561
00:52:19,666 --> 00:52:24,290
Why did I ever doubt you Tony?
I'm too dumb to question smart people.
562
00:52:24,666 --> 00:52:26,790
This is true.
563
00:52:27,250 --> 00:52:30,374
- Tony, don't you think you're too low?
- That's a negative.
564
00:52:31,291 --> 00:52:34,624
- It looks a little low, Tony.
- I can see it through the window, okay?
565
00:52:37,750 --> 00:52:40,290
A little bit to the left.
566
00:52:41,041 --> 00:52:44,499
- A little more to the left.
- How did you get here? The Tooth Fairy?
567
00:52:44,625 --> 00:52:48,165
- I flew you here, shmuck!
- Now, down a little.
568
00:52:48,500 --> 00:52:51,499
Hit the button on the magnet!
569
00:52:51,791 --> 00:52:54,999
I love being a gangster!
570
00:52:57,750 --> 00:53:02,499
We're on like glue. Nothing, nothing
could separate us now. Nothing!
571
00:53:04,750 --> 00:53:07,249
- Up, up and away!
- Up, up and away.
572
00:53:09,000 --> 00:53:11,124
Listen!
573
00:53:11,250 --> 00:53:14,665
Up, up and awaaay...
574
00:53:18,125 --> 00:53:21,249
- I don't know why it ain't workin'.
- Could be the fan belt.
575
00:53:22,833 --> 00:53:26,374
Maybe it don't work
on nothin' but Brinks trucks.
576
00:53:26,666 --> 00:53:32,249
Don't worry about it.
I'll have it all figured out in a second.
577
00:53:33,000 --> 00:53:35,165
Tony, is your seat belt on?
578
00:54:01,666 --> 00:54:06,415
Hep. Eatin' time!
You feed him, and... I'll drive.
579
00:54:06,541 --> 00:54:09,374
No, no, no. It's your turn.
You feed him. Come on!
580
00:54:12,583 --> 00:54:14,290
Here you go. Oh...
581
00:54:15,875 --> 00:54:21,415
Son-of-a-bitch! That son-of-a-bitch
is crazy! He's got a mental case...
582
00:54:36,041 --> 00:54:39,999
- Corporal. - Yes, sir.
- You're driving well. - Thank you, sir.
583
00:54:41,791 --> 00:54:45,624
Sister Betty? You know, I was raised
a Catholic and I'm really interested.
584
00:54:45,750 --> 00:54:49,249
Could you tell us more about
the Order of the Immaculate Charity?
585
00:54:49,625 --> 00:54:52,040
- Chastity.
- Chastity!
586
00:54:52,125 --> 00:54:54,499
He always get those words mixed up.
587
00:54:55,625 --> 00:54:58,790
Well... I think it's time for us
to get some sleep.
588
00:54:59,041 --> 00:55:03,249
- Oh sure. Good.
- So if you just excuse us, we'd like to have a little privacy. - Sure.
589
00:55:03,666 --> 00:55:07,540
- Go ahead, there's... Just put that...
- Good night. - Good night.
590
00:55:14,166 --> 00:55:17,999
Hey, am I crazy? Or are those
the friendliest nuns you've ever seen?
591
00:55:18,250 --> 00:55:21,040
- Isn't Sister Betty cute?
- Ahh. I'd...
592
00:55:22,333 --> 00:55:24,749
I'd like to jump her bones.
593
00:55:25,041 --> 00:55:28,999
- J.J., bite your tongue!
- Can't help it. I'm sorry.
- Aren't you ashamed?
594
00:55:29,041 --> 00:55:32,499
- I would!
- Oh my goodness! Why would you say such a...
595
00:55:37,625 --> 00:55:39,624
- That's sacrilegious!
- These are human beings.
596
00:55:39,750 --> 00:55:42,999
- And I'd be very interested to know how you make out.
- Huh?
597
00:55:43,625 --> 00:55:46,124
'Cause I been thinking about
getting into Sister Betty's pants.
598
00:55:52,916 --> 00:55:55,082
Oh God, forgive me...
599
00:56:09,625 --> 00:56:12,665
Morning officer! Nice day, isn't it?
600
00:56:12,875 --> 00:56:16,082
- Get out of the road, fat boy, before you get run over. Come on.
- Okay.
601
00:56:20,583 --> 00:56:22,915
- Good morning!
- Goddamn! A General!
602
00:56:24,583 --> 00:56:28,790
- Now, what seems to be the problem, officer?
- We have speed limits in this here state.
603
00:56:29,416 --> 00:56:32,332
- Even in a nuclear emergency?
- What emergency?
604
00:56:33,083 --> 00:56:36,749
- We can't talk about it, officer.
- Let me see your driver's license. - No!
605
00:56:37,083 --> 00:56:39,832
I have radioactive breath.
606
00:56:41,166 --> 00:56:44,624
- What are you boys trying to pull?
- There has been a nuclear meltdown.
607
00:56:45,000 --> 00:56:47,749
We're taking some contaminated
material to Connecticut.
608
00:56:47,833 --> 00:56:50,499
Why Connecticut?
609
00:56:51,541 --> 00:56:53,332
They ran out.
610
00:56:54,083 --> 00:56:55,832
Bullshit!
611
00:56:57,125 --> 00:56:59,999
- Hey, uncle Hinky!
- Homer! My nephew.
612
00:57:00,291 --> 00:57:03,499
- We'll wait for you, Homer. - Thanks, Sir.
- How you're doin', Homer?
613
00:57:03,583 --> 00:57:06,249
- Goddamn, I didn't know you was coming home!
- Private!
614
00:57:08,583 --> 00:57:10,540
Yes sir, General!
615
00:57:10,750 --> 00:57:14,290
- What are you doing here, son?
- Well, I had a 3-day pass to come home.
616
00:57:14,375 --> 00:57:17,915
- It's the first one I had in two years.
- I'm gonna commandeer you
617
00:57:18,041 --> 00:57:21,249
to drive this car to Connecticut. Get in the car, son.
- Yes, Sir!
618
00:57:21,333 --> 00:57:24,915
Hold it! Ain't nobody goin' no
place till I phoned this here in!
619
00:57:25,166 --> 00:57:29,582
Uncle Hinky, I gotta do what he says. He got
more medals than all at the base together.
620
00:57:29,750 --> 00:57:32,374
It don't make no difference.
I phone it in anyway.
621
00:57:34,500 --> 00:57:37,332
- Good morning, officer.
- Sweet Jesus!
622
00:57:37,666 --> 00:57:40,040
- General, why are we stopping?
- I'm sorry, Sister.
623
00:57:40,166 --> 00:57:42,999
I was just explaining to the sheriff
the purpose of my mission.
624
00:57:43,625 --> 00:57:47,124
- You carry nuns with you?
- In case we don't...
625
00:57:47,250 --> 00:57:49,749
- ...make it, you know?
- Oh, really?
626
00:57:50,291 --> 00:57:53,582
There's a higher purpose involved, officer.
Only the Lord knows what it is.
627
00:57:54,333 --> 00:57:57,749
The safety of our nation depends
on the speed of our mission.
628
00:57:58,583 --> 00:58:00,749
Wow! Praise the Lord!
629
00:58:00,833 --> 00:58:05,374
Well, in that case I'll give you a police
escort all the way to the county line.
630
00:58:05,500 --> 00:58:07,124
- Bless you.
- Sheriff...
631
00:58:07,250 --> 00:58:10,124
I just want you to know something:
America needs your help!
632
00:58:10,250 --> 00:58:13,999
There are two communists disguised as
policemen chasing us in a red Corvette.
633
00:58:14,416 --> 00:58:16,874
- Commies!
- No shit?
634
00:58:17,625 --> 00:58:19,624
No shit.
635
00:58:21,041 --> 00:58:24,582
Now, don't go arguing with me!
I've got it straight from the General!
636
00:58:24,750 --> 00:58:28,749
There are two communists dressed up
as policemen in a red Corvette...
637
00:58:28,833 --> 00:58:31,832
...trying to steal our nuclear shit!
Shoot 'em!
638
00:58:32,000 --> 00:58:35,290
The fate of the country
depends on it, do you hear me?
639
00:58:37,666 --> 00:58:40,999
Headquarters, this is units 2
and 5 eastbound on Highway 10.
640
00:58:41,250 --> 00:58:43,915
- We got those commies in our sights.
- Commies?
641
00:58:44,750 --> 00:58:47,915
Now, I been called a lot of things but
I ain't never been called no commie.
642
00:58:48,500 --> 00:58:54,499
- I ain't even a Democrat.
- You can inform the General they're as good as caught.
643
00:58:56,666 --> 00:58:58,582
The General... General!?
644
00:59:00,041 --> 00:59:03,999
J.J! That son-of-a-bitch!
645
00:59:13,875 --> 00:59:17,040
Good, Blake. But not good enough!
646
00:59:17,125 --> 00:59:20,915
This is 2 and 5 again.
We're now westbound on Highway 10.
647
00:59:21,000 --> 00:59:24,415
This is the Captain.
I want those two foreigners brought in.
648
00:59:25,041 --> 00:59:27,832
- Dead or alive.
- Don't you worry about it.
649
00:59:28,000 --> 00:59:31,165
- You know what I'm gonna do? - What?
- I'm gonna turn this car around
650
00:59:31,250 --> 00:59:35,040
and I am gonna block
the whole highway sideways.
651
00:59:35,166 --> 00:59:38,749
And when they come
they have a choice: either to ditch it
652
00:59:39,000 --> 00:59:41,749
or ram right straight into us!
653
00:59:42,416 --> 00:59:46,499
- Just ditch it or... ram straight into us?
- Yeah!
654
01:00:03,750 --> 01:00:07,499
Get outta here with these bananas!
I don't want the bananas!
655
01:00:09,166 --> 01:00:12,499
This is humiliating as hell...
er... sittin' up here!
656
01:00:12,625 --> 01:00:18,082
Well, it's no picnic being back here!
Wacked-out monkey!
657
01:00:20,750 --> 01:00:23,040
Stop it! Well, keep your
hands off me, monkey!
658
01:00:32,666 --> 01:00:35,415
- What are you doing up here?
- Man, it's safer.
659
01:00:37,125 --> 01:00:39,165
- Well, who's drivin'?
- He is.
660
01:00:51,291 --> 01:00:55,999
Would you boys like to stay for dinner?
I just made noodle soup.
661
01:01:05,083 --> 01:01:08,124
Note, Blake. General Patton's car.
662
01:01:08,500 --> 01:01:10,915
Is the blimp driving?
663
01:01:11,000 --> 01:01:13,832
No. It's the General.
664
01:01:14,166 --> 01:01:16,249
The General, huh? Ha!
665
01:01:16,333 --> 01:01:20,040
Oh, I'm gonna make a private out of him!
666
01:01:27,833 --> 01:01:31,999
It's money in the bank.
A million bucks!
667
01:01:36,875 --> 01:01:40,832
Oh, come on! It'll be
a weekend you'll never forget.
668
01:01:41,250 --> 01:01:43,874
- All three of us?
- Yep.
669
01:01:44,791 --> 01:01:48,540
It's gonna be a weekend you can tell
your kids about... if they're all boys.
670
01:01:49,083 --> 01:01:53,499
Look, you guys thrashed this gull-wing out.
I didn't even pay for that one yet.
671
01:01:53,625 --> 01:01:57,499
Listen, baby. We're gonna be as gentle
with that car as we're gonna be with you.
672
01:01:57,750 --> 01:02:00,332
Real sound. Come on, what you say?
673
01:02:04,416 --> 01:02:06,249
- Okay.
- Alright. - Okay.
674
01:02:06,416 --> 01:02:10,999
The keys are in the car, but hurry back.
My friends aren't gonna believe this!
675
01:02:11,416 --> 01:02:13,874
- Know what? You just bring them too.
- Really?
676
01:02:14,083 --> 01:02:16,165
Sure. And don't forget your camera.
677
01:02:16,583 --> 01:02:18,415
Really?
678
01:02:23,750 --> 01:02:27,749
- You got a full tank of gas in here?
- Please, be careful with it. Please!
679
01:02:29,375 --> 01:02:31,249
(I'll be real gentle)
680
01:03:01,791 --> 01:03:04,290
What do you want, Ching-Chong man?
681
01:03:14,000 --> 01:03:17,499
Help? Gee, there's only a dozen of 'em.
By the way, can you split that for me?
682
01:03:20,750 --> 01:03:22,249
Thank you.
683
01:03:41,000 --> 01:03:42,790
I'll be there in a minute!
684
01:04:06,375 --> 01:04:11,249
That was wonderful. You're great. Can you
stay for dinner and meet my parents?
685
01:04:13,500 --> 01:04:16,124
That was so great! What's your name?
686
01:04:17,250 --> 01:04:20,249
Hey, we got a race to finish.
A million bucks!
687
01:04:22,750 --> 01:04:24,540
He can stay for dinner, too!
688
01:04:28,125 --> 01:04:31,040
Dammit! The race is gonna be over,
if they don't get their buns out here soon.
689
01:04:35,250 --> 01:04:38,165
Golly! They changed their clothes.
690
01:04:40,750 --> 01:04:44,082
- You think we've gone too far?
- Probably.
691
01:04:46,625 --> 01:04:48,999
Let's go for it.
692
01:04:49,250 --> 01:04:52,790
You know, General? I bet this mission
is so secret you had 'em do this
693
01:04:52,916 --> 01:04:55,332
so Russian spies wouldn't recognize 'em.
694
01:05:03,041 --> 01:05:05,499
We got a six-pack and some
chilli-dogs for the trip.
695
01:05:07,000 --> 01:05:10,249
I got one for you and one for... "him".
696
01:05:22,625 --> 01:05:25,290
You've adapted to
civilian life very well.
697
01:05:29,000 --> 01:05:33,499
Oh my God! Private...
Walk this way.
698
01:05:36,333 --> 01:05:38,290
Nuns, huh?
699
01:05:41,250 --> 01:05:44,999
- Get in the car.
- Yes, General.
700
01:06:05,416 --> 01:06:09,374
Put that away!
You ain't gonna use it!
701
01:06:15,000 --> 01:06:17,332
To your right, Highness.
To your right.
702
01:06:19,625 --> 01:06:23,290
As soon as this cable rips up the Rolls...
703
01:06:23,875 --> 01:06:26,665
- ...you grab the money...
- I grab the money?
704
01:06:26,791 --> 01:06:29,374
...and I grab the sheik
or what's left of 'em...
705
01:06:29,666 --> 01:06:31,915
- ...and we head back to Vegas.
- Vegas?!
706
01:06:34,125 --> 01:06:37,082
Prince Falafel! Buy what?
707
01:06:38,833 --> 01:06:41,082
Nimitz? What's a Nimitz?
708
01:06:42,666 --> 01:06:45,249
The U.S.S. Nimitz, ah!
709
01:06:45,333 --> 01:06:48,999
I want to buy it!
I want to land my 747s on it!
710
01:06:50,000 --> 01:06:53,165
I don't care what it costs. How much?
711
01:06:53,416 --> 01:06:56,915
- Feelin' better now, aren't you?
- I can't hear you! Talk louder!
712
01:06:57,041 --> 01:07:00,624
- I said, you're feeling better now, aren't you?!
- Yes, a thousand thanks!
713
01:07:00,750 --> 01:07:03,332
- No problem! Buy!
- Bye.
714
01:07:14,666 --> 01:07:17,040
- Tighten it up, they're coming!
- I tighten it! - Tighter!
715
01:07:17,791 --> 01:07:20,499
Come. Hurry. Here it comes!
716
01:07:37,166 --> 01:07:40,290
- Well yeah, you get what you pay for.
- Oh, dammit!
717
01:07:40,750 --> 01:07:43,332
- What now?
- I don't know!
718
01:07:45,250 --> 01:07:48,332
- Well, get out and start smiling.
- Yeah, right.
719
01:08:03,625 --> 01:08:05,999
Don't blame me! I didn't do nothin'!
720
01:08:07,125 --> 01:08:08,999
Me neither. I'm just followin' orders.
721
01:08:22,750 --> 01:08:26,999
We were turning about 8 grand when
the gages lit up like a pinball machine.
722
01:08:27,416 --> 01:08:30,290
Yeah, so we propped the hood
and there's oil leaking.
723
01:08:31,541 --> 01:08:36,499
- Right here. - Does it look bad?
- Not from where I'm standing.
724
01:08:36,791 --> 01:08:41,415
- Oh, can you fix it then?
- Honey, I got a tool that'll fix anything!
725
01:08:43,500 --> 01:08:45,249
Oh, yeah?
726
01:08:59,083 --> 01:09:02,124
- Hey, sugar? - Yeah?
- What have you got under the hood?
727
01:09:02,583 --> 01:09:05,999
Alright. That's a 454, four on the floor.
728
01:09:06,666 --> 01:09:10,374
- Full house, with a blower. - Yeah?
- She's a sweetheart, isn't she?
729
01:09:14,041 --> 01:09:16,499
It sure is hot out here, ain't it?
730
01:09:17,000 --> 01:09:19,999
Yeah, it really is.
731
01:09:24,083 --> 01:09:27,749
Why don't you relax, sugar?
Everything's gonna be just fine!
732
01:09:28,000 --> 01:09:31,040
I don't think my boss
wanted this to do 120 mph.
733
01:09:31,791 --> 01:09:36,332
- Well, it's doin' it!
- Come on, listen. Why don't you just take me back and...
734
01:09:36,500 --> 01:09:39,749
My... Just take me back to my boss...
Oh jeez, am I gonna get it!
735
01:09:46,250 --> 01:09:49,624
What the heck! It's only a job.
Let's go!
736
01:09:50,666 --> 01:09:53,249
And it's gonna be a weekend
you'll never forget.
737
01:10:02,125 --> 01:10:06,290
Attention... Smokie in pursuit.
Attention... Smokie in...
738
01:10:06,375 --> 01:10:08,374
Battle stations!
739
01:10:09,833 --> 01:10:12,499
- Afterburner.
- Roger!
740
01:10:14,166 --> 01:10:17,415
Afterburner ready... 3, 2, 1...
741
01:10:17,500 --> 01:10:19,374
Ignition!
742
01:10:29,750 --> 01:10:32,499
- Turn it off!
-???
- Turn it off!
743
01:10:34,250 --> 01:10:37,124
Prepare to crash dive!
744
01:10:52,833 --> 01:10:55,040
We just lost it.
745
01:11:12,625 --> 01:11:15,249
- Look, beer cans!
- Underwear?
746
01:11:15,500 --> 01:11:18,624
- Now let's give 'em the oil slick.
- Yes, man.
747
01:11:23,625 --> 01:11:26,749
Oil slick... Sorry, fellas.
748
01:11:27,375 --> 01:11:30,665
- We're just doin' our job.
- Yes, sorry.
749
01:11:32,041 --> 01:11:34,332
Attention... enemy astern.
750
01:11:34,666 --> 01:11:37,999
- Let's see what's happening. Up the scope.
- Okay.
751
01:11:55,083 --> 01:11:58,582
- Quiet, please.
- Stand by for depth charge attack.
752
01:12:08,375 --> 01:12:12,290
- Come on. Catch one. Pay attention!
- We've been coming here for five years!
753
01:12:12,416 --> 01:12:16,249
- Five years!
- Without a fish.
- A big one's out there for you, boys.
- You're sure?
754
01:12:16,291 --> 01:12:20,624
Darn right! I saw him jump the other day.
I took a picture, while it was in the air.
755
01:12:21,250 --> 01:12:23,624
Picture weighed 13 and a half pounds!
756
01:12:24,666 --> 01:12:26,999
I really don't like this guy!
757
01:12:35,500 --> 01:12:37,665
Forward all engines.
758
01:12:55,875 --> 01:12:58,499
Come on, just pay attention
to what you're doing.
759
01:13:04,916 --> 01:13:07,165
All ahead full.
760
01:13:11,250 --> 01:13:12,999
- Let him go!
- No!
761
01:13:13,250 --> 01:13:16,374
We've caught ourselves a Moby Dick!
762
01:13:17,250 --> 01:13:19,415
God damn, we're going with him!
763
01:13:26,875 --> 01:13:31,499
- And you haven't seen your family in 2 years?
- No, but I'm not complaining. Duty calls.
764
01:13:32,500 --> 01:13:35,999
- General?
- What?
- How long do you think the national emergency
765
01:13:36,083 --> 01:13:39,040
will require the services
of Pvt. Lyle here, Sir?
766
01:13:40,041 --> 01:13:42,749
- I don't know.
- He hasn't seen his family in 2 years.
767
01:13:43,000 --> 01:13:49,290
- J.J., that is not nice. Truly isn't.
- A General's work is never done.
768
01:13:50,000 --> 01:13:53,999
- Private. - Yes, Sir.
- I've checked the Geiger counter
769
01:13:54,666 --> 01:13:59,749
and the radioactivity seems to be dropping.
I don't think we need your services anymore.
770
01:14:00,250 --> 01:14:02,749
- Yes, sir. - Pull over.
- Yes, sir.
771
01:14:24,666 --> 01:14:28,082
Pvt. Lyle, you've rendered
a great service to this country.
772
01:14:28,541 --> 01:14:32,165
You make me proud to be in the same
army with a man with your character.
773
01:14:33,750 --> 01:14:36,749
I'd like to present you with the
Congressional Medal of Honor.
774
01:14:38,875 --> 01:14:43,165
- This Congressional Medal of Honor?
- That Congressional Medal of Honor.
775
01:14:53,083 --> 01:14:55,415
- That's French.
- I know.
776
01:14:56,291 --> 01:14:59,540
General, for the last 20 years
while I was working in the motor pool
777
01:14:59,625 --> 01:15:02,915
I always knew the Good Lord's gonna give
me a chance to come on a special mission
778
01:15:03,000 --> 01:15:05,790
like this, to serve my country.
779
01:15:18,875 --> 01:15:20,915
Bye, Lyle.
780
01:15:41,083 --> 01:15:44,040
- And that's all you have to do, honey.
- Boy, am I sick!
781
01:15:44,250 --> 01:15:48,499
- I ain't never gonna fly with you again!
- Will you shut up and read the instructs
782
01:15:48,541 --> 01:15:51,415
and tell me what it says
about landing this thing?
783
01:15:53,750 --> 01:15:56,999
It says: lower the flaps.
- Okay, then do it, quickly!
784
01:15:57,125 --> 01:16:00,040
- Where are they?
- Under "F", you idiot!
785
01:16:00,250 --> 01:16:03,249
Well, let's see. There's a "T"
for tabs. Is that any good?
786
01:16:03,291 --> 01:16:07,999
- Fantastic! Pull it! - Pull what?
- Anything, dummy! - Okay, Tony!
787
01:16:27,000 --> 01:16:30,290
To look sharp...
788
01:16:30,500 --> 01:16:33,249
To feel sharp...
789
01:16:33,416 --> 01:16:35,832
I like this song so much,
I bought the company.
790
01:16:40,000 --> 01:16:43,332
I don't know why everybody makes such
a big deal about flying. It's a piece of cake.
791
01:16:43,666 --> 01:16:48,124
This better work, Tony. I just called
Don Don, and he's really mad.
792
01:16:49,166 --> 01:16:51,374
Caesar, Caesar...
793
01:16:52,000 --> 01:16:56,374
Simplicity is the hallmark of genius.
This cannot miss.
794
01:16:57,000 --> 01:16:58,499
Yeah?
795
01:16:59,375 --> 01:17:01,999
Relax, alright?
796
01:17:06,375 --> 01:17:09,499
Damn ulcer's killing me.
You got anything for it?
797
01:17:10,666 --> 01:17:13,790
Charlotte Russe. How delightful.
798
01:17:15,541 --> 01:17:20,082
Not exactly the Maxim's,
but my compliments to the chef.
799
01:17:34,500 --> 01:17:36,540
A thousand pardons!
800
01:17:37,125 --> 01:17:43,040
I couldn't help noticing.
Obviously you are a damsel in distress.
801
01:17:44,083 --> 01:17:49,540
May I be of service to you?
I am the great Prince Abdul-Ben Falafel,
802
01:17:49,833 --> 01:17:53,415
master of all deserts,
Prince of princes,
803
01:17:54,250 --> 01:17:57,249
- and one of the world's biggest...
- Yoyos.
804
01:17:57,500 --> 01:18:00,165
How dare you put a gun to my head!
805
01:18:03,166 --> 01:18:06,582
As I was saying,
do you come here often?
806
01:18:11,916 --> 01:18:15,415
I wish you guys would have seen us change
in the bathroom, making this decision.
807
01:18:15,500 --> 01:18:19,999
Know, what she wanted to do? To put the
nun's habit on and the shorts underneath.
808
01:18:20,750 --> 01:18:23,332
- And she thought you wouldn't notice.
- I will notice.
809
01:18:23,583 --> 01:18:27,749
Well, I just didn't want you to be upset
when you found out I wasn't a nun.
810
01:18:29,333 --> 01:18:31,999
You're not?
811
01:18:33,750 --> 01:18:38,332
- I'm not even a Catholic.
- Well, nobody's perfect.
812
01:18:40,541 --> 01:18:43,749
- May I?
- Oh, I been waitin' for this.
813
01:18:56,750 --> 01:18:59,874
- Sure hate to give the chauffeur a ticket.
- Yeah, it's always the jerk in back
814
01:19:00,000 --> 01:19:02,915
- giving the orders.
- Yeah.
815
01:19:05,625 --> 01:19:07,374
Pardon me, Sir, we're...
816
01:19:15,833 --> 01:19:19,249
- You know what that is, back there?
- Damn right! It's a chimp!
817
01:19:19,875 --> 01:19:23,749
Listen to me. See that dark glass?
Don't look!
818
01:19:24,250 --> 01:19:26,915
You know who's behind
that glass filming us?
819
01:19:27,125 --> 01:19:29,749
Allen Funt.
We're on "Candid Camera"!
820
01:19:30,000 --> 01:19:32,249
Come on, it's our chance! Come on!
821
01:19:33,541 --> 01:19:36,374
Stand right here so they
can see you. Stand right here.
822
01:19:37,750 --> 01:19:39,999
Pardon me, Sir.
I'd like to see your license...
823
01:19:45,583 --> 01:19:49,165
Oh God, I wonder what the
penalty is for assaulting a police officer.
824
01:19:49,875 --> 01:19:52,624
He's not gonna make a monkey out of me!
825
01:19:53,666 --> 01:19:55,582
You're okay? Don't make him mad!
826
01:20:01,583 --> 01:20:05,749
I'm gonna say hello to my mom. I just
wondered if I could say hello to my mother?
827
01:20:11,041 --> 01:20:14,332
This is working great. Let's go sing.
Come on, before they go.
828
01:20:15,416 --> 01:20:20,540
By the light of the silvery moon...
829
01:20:22,000 --> 01:20:24,332
Let's get the hell outta here!
830
01:20:26,083 --> 01:20:30,499
- Hey, Mr. Funt! Aren't we supposed to sign a release?
- Oh, shut up!
831
01:20:35,791 --> 01:20:39,415
Oh, listen! Look! Hold it!
Look, Cannonballers ahead of us!
832
01:20:49,083 --> 01:20:51,249
Alright, what the hell happened?
833
01:20:51,500 --> 01:20:56,749
Hm, Sir. I was eating my dessert when
suddenly I saw one of the cat people.
834
01:20:57,125 --> 01:20:59,624
- Beautiful body was...
- Now, we have a slight problem.
835
01:21:00,125 --> 01:21:03,374
Two hoods. They parted
with the Sheik and the money.
836
01:21:03,625 --> 01:21:07,124
- How that happen?
- She was hitchhiking in a leopard coat and as we approached
837
01:21:07,291 --> 01:21:09,790
she flashed and we stopped.
838
01:21:15,916 --> 01:21:19,165
He's right. Who else knew
the million was in the sheik's trunk?
839
01:21:29,250 --> 01:21:33,749
- I think you two guys have got something to tell us, right?
- Right.
840
01:21:36,500 --> 01:21:39,249
J.J, let me explain to you
as briefly as I can.
841
01:21:39,666 --> 01:21:44,540
Here's what happened. We owed the guys in
Vegas a little chump change. Nothing really.
842
01:21:44,791 --> 01:21:47,749
So they sent down some
torpedoes to collect.
843
01:21:49,625 --> 01:21:53,665
- And you told 'em about the Sheik.
- It was tell 'em or else.
844
01:21:54,000 --> 01:21:58,124
- Who were these guys?
- The Cannelloni family from Las Vegas.
845
01:21:58,250 --> 01:22:02,040
- Well, hell. Let's just go get these guys.
- We can't just go get these guys!
846
01:22:02,166 --> 01:22:06,749
Why? - They hold up at the Pinto Ranch,
and that's guarded like Fort Knox.
847
01:22:06,791 --> 01:22:09,374
Wait a minute.
Maybe "him" can get through.
848
01:22:09,583 --> 01:22:14,082
Maybe "him" can get "himself"
killed and take you with "him".
849
01:22:14,791 --> 01:22:18,415
- "Him" is open for other suggestions.
- What's happening? What's going on here?
850
01:22:18,833 --> 01:22:24,665
Gaped at her naked body glistening in the
hot sun and her sweet sweat rolling down...
851
01:22:25,291 --> 01:22:28,832
Hey, wait a minute.
We'll go to the King.
852
01:22:29,291 --> 01:22:31,665
No, no. The sheik's father hates him.
853
01:22:32,083 --> 01:22:35,999
Hey, he's not the only king.
We have royalty in this country, too.
854
01:22:36,875 --> 01:22:39,124
He'll see you guys.
855
01:22:52,250 --> 01:22:54,415
Sit on this.
856
01:22:56,333 --> 01:23:00,999
- How did you enjoy the Halloween party?
- What a guy he is. - What a guy!
857
01:23:02,250 --> 01:23:07,124
- Alright. How much this time?
- Frank, you know. It's never for ourselves.
858
01:23:09,500 --> 01:23:13,082
- Not this time, Frank.
- And who asked you to sit down? Get up!
859
01:23:16,583 --> 01:23:18,832
- Mr. Sinatra...
- You may call me Frank.
860
01:23:19,541 --> 01:23:22,249
- I can call him Frank.
- Not yet.
861
01:23:22,416 --> 01:23:25,874
I'll let you know when you can.
Not exactly now, but I'll let you know.
862
01:23:26,000 --> 01:23:28,415
- What can I call you?
- Call me sir.
863
01:23:29,375 --> 01:23:35,040
- Call him Sir.
- I got it. Sir... We are Cannonballers.
864
01:23:35,666 --> 01:23:37,832
- What?
- Cannonballers.
865
01:23:39,375 --> 01:23:41,332
Oh, wait a minute...
866
01:23:41,750 --> 01:23:44,249
I've been lonely as much as you have,
from time to time.
867
01:23:44,875 --> 01:23:49,249
- Come on.
- That's a hot one, Your Majesty. Sir.
868
01:23:50,083 --> 01:23:53,290
You see, the Cannonball is a race
from California to Connecticut.
869
01:23:53,375 --> 01:23:56,999
- We have lots of fun. But the Sheik...
- Sheik?
- Yes.
870
01:23:57,250 --> 01:24:00,665
- With the blue Rolls Royce.
- Who is he? Did I ever sing for him in London, you think?
871
01:24:00,833 --> 01:24:03,499
We can't even pronounce his name.
You see, they kidnapped him
872
01:24:03,583 --> 01:24:07,040
and they took $1 million out of the trunk
of his car. That's why we came to you.
873
01:24:07,791 --> 01:24:12,165
- Why come to me? Why don't you go to the FBI?
- Who taught the FBI?
874
01:24:15,583 --> 01:24:18,082
Okay, alright. Who snatched him?
875
01:24:18,416 --> 01:24:20,624
Oh, the Cannellonis.
876
01:24:23,083 --> 01:24:24,999
I got an idea.
877
01:24:25,125 --> 01:24:29,124
I got a trio that I use in my act and this
bum's been trying to steal it for months.
878
01:24:32,416 --> 01:24:34,790
Dorothy, get me Don Don.
879
01:24:38,083 --> 01:24:41,582
They must be terrific for Frank
to recommend them personally.
880
01:24:41,750 --> 01:24:45,665
I guarantee you have never seen
anything like this in your whole...
881
01:24:45,791 --> 01:24:48,415
I'm not saying this,
just because I'm their agent.
882
01:24:48,750 --> 01:24:53,124
You know, I just love auditioning
new talent. I get all excited.
883
01:25:28,083 --> 01:25:31,874
- Come on, what's the matter?
- They are a little short on looks.
884
01:25:32,083 --> 01:25:35,665
But didn't you notice the nice
unison? The way they dance?
885
01:25:51,583 --> 01:25:53,624
They're fabulous.
886
01:26:23,291 --> 01:26:26,915
Frank ain't no dummy.
I can't sing...
887
01:26:27,041 --> 01:26:30,749
...but even I can follow that act.
888
01:26:35,000 --> 01:26:36,665
Thank you.
889
01:26:45,250 --> 01:26:47,665
Girls, you're hired!
You're hired, girls! You're hired!
890
01:26:48,125 --> 01:26:52,165
You all have life... lifetime
contracts here at the Pinto Ranch.
891
01:26:52,500 --> 01:26:55,249
I'll just have to move
someplace else... Now, girls!
892
01:26:55,625 --> 01:26:59,749
Lovely. Go to your dressing rooms
and powder your noses... a lot!
893
01:27:00,000 --> 01:27:03,415
Absolutely wonderful. Frank certainly
knows his stuff! Just wonderful.
894
01:27:08,166 --> 01:27:10,499
Bad news.
895
01:27:26,833 --> 01:27:30,999
- Oh, girls. How do you spell Laverne? Is that one word or two?
- Two.
- Three.
896
01:27:32,166 --> 01:27:34,249
Oh, Hymie, what a pleasant surprise!
897
01:27:40,500 --> 01:27:43,040
Uh, what a pleasant surprise...
898
01:27:43,416 --> 01:27:47,832
Hey! I said I'd be here in 24 hours.
Therefore...
899
01:27:48,333 --> 01:27:52,999
...it ain't no surprise. And it ain't
gonna be pleasant either. May I?
900
01:27:55,416 --> 01:27:57,332
Oh my God...
901
01:28:10,750 --> 01:28:14,249
- What are these three bow-wows?
- It's our new lounge act.
902
01:28:14,333 --> 01:28:18,249
What do they do? Scare the
audience to death?...That's funny!
903
01:28:20,333 --> 01:28:22,540
Mr. Hymie?
904
01:28:24,416 --> 01:28:27,582
- You girls ever hear of Nair?
- We're working on it. - Huh?
905
01:28:28,125 --> 01:28:30,624
Our doctor has us on hormones.
906
01:28:31,541 --> 01:28:35,499
Well, I suggest you go for a second opinion,
because I think he's over-prescribing.
907
01:28:36,250 --> 01:28:38,790
Hi, I'm Laverne.
908
01:28:45,541 --> 01:28:47,999
Get me those hormones.
909
01:28:49,541 --> 01:28:52,540
Alright, Dumb-Dumb.
Where's my nine large?
910
01:28:55,250 --> 01:28:58,624
One million dollars, Hymie.
And the rest is in escrow
911
01:28:58,750 --> 01:29:01,790
in a bank in downtown Las Vegas.
912
01:29:02,041 --> 01:29:06,165
I'm gonna consider this
interest only, alright?
913
01:29:07,416 --> 01:29:13,790
Now, you have the principal by tomorrow,
or you'll be under downtown Las Vegas.
914
01:29:16,416 --> 01:29:20,249
- Girls... so long.
- Bye, Mr. Hymie.
915
01:29:22,750 --> 01:29:25,749
Excuse me...
You have a Ladies' restroom?
916
01:29:25,875 --> 01:29:29,290
- Yes, it says "Cowgirls". It's the second door on the left.
- On the left.
917
01:29:29,500 --> 01:29:34,082
Now, this is a lifetime contract, as I said.
I presume they'll have their own wardrobe?
918
01:29:38,500 --> 01:29:40,582
- Tits up!
- Alright.
919
01:29:43,750 --> 01:29:47,874
- Mr. Hymie!
- That Laverne comes near me, waste her!
920
01:29:50,250 --> 01:29:53,374
We were just wondering if you could
give us a little advice on our careers.
921
01:29:53,583 --> 01:29:56,290
Oh, yeah! Get out of show business.
922
01:29:57,125 --> 01:29:58,665
Now!
923
01:30:01,500 --> 01:30:04,249
We got the money!
924
01:30:04,750 --> 01:30:07,165
Hide! Somebody's coming!
925
01:30:17,541 --> 01:30:21,415
- Your purses. - Oh, good. We got the money!
- Oh, let's go! - No, no!
926
01:30:22,041 --> 01:30:25,582
- We gotta safe the Sheik!
- Come on. - Alright.
927
01:30:29,750 --> 01:30:34,665
Hi, I was wondering if you gentlemen will
be kind enough to help me with my luggage?
928
01:30:37,375 --> 01:30:39,790
Man, those three broads
got a case of the uglies.
929
01:30:39,875 --> 01:30:42,290
Let the boss not hear you say that.
930
01:30:46,125 --> 01:30:49,374
It's torture, I tell you.
Torture! Please. Please!
931
01:30:49,500 --> 01:30:52,165
- Hey, it's got a lock on it.
- Break it down. - Come on.
932
01:30:52,833 --> 01:30:55,499
Ladies, at one, two, three!
933
01:30:58,791 --> 01:31:02,374
More Ladies! My beauties,
you must wait your turn.
934
01:31:02,500 --> 01:31:04,832
There is only so much water
in the fountain.
935
01:31:05,541 --> 01:31:09,999
- Sheik, it's us! - We're not girls!
- How dare you?
936
01:31:10,041 --> 01:31:13,249
It is out of the question!
Allah will only forgive so much!
937
01:31:13,375 --> 01:31:17,249
- Hey Abdul, put your slipper's on. Let's get outta here.
- I don't want to go!
938
01:31:18,083 --> 01:31:21,749
- I've tried everything, but...
- Get me out of this. - This is something.
939
01:31:21,833 --> 01:31:25,040
- Can I take this with me?
- Okay with me. Come, tickle!
940
01:31:26,875 --> 01:31:31,874
- I'm terribly sorry.
- Now, listen to me. If these three uglies get away with my million
941
01:31:32,375 --> 01:31:36,332
Dumb-Dumb, then your father's gonna
owe me a big favor. You know why?
942
01:31:36,500 --> 01:31:39,499
No. - Because I'm
gonna kill you. And then...
943
01:31:39,791 --> 01:31:42,374
...he's gonna kill you.
And then he's gonna kill you.
944
01:31:42,625 --> 01:31:45,832
- And then he's gonna kill you!
- Charmed. There's no need to worry, Hymie.
945
01:31:46,000 --> 01:31:49,040
You see, they cannot escape.
There's no way out of here.
946
01:31:49,125 --> 01:31:51,749
You are totally secure!
947
01:31:53,500 --> 01:31:56,249
However, I'm very shaky.
948
01:32:01,500 --> 01:32:04,415
- Open!
- Oh, shit! You got the key?
949
01:32:04,625 --> 01:32:08,165
- Maybe. - You ungrateful putz!
- Hold it!
950
01:32:14,416 --> 01:32:16,749
The three little pigs!
951
01:32:25,333 --> 01:32:27,249
Get me somebody to hide behind!
952
01:32:30,625 --> 01:32:34,082
This is it, boys. Remember the rules...
953
01:32:34,750 --> 01:32:38,165
- No rules!
- You heard him. Absolutely no rules!
954
01:32:38,500 --> 01:32:42,249
I told you, there's nothing to worry about.
There won't be any witnesses.
955
01:32:42,833 --> 01:32:45,082
No witnesses?
956
01:32:46,875 --> 01:32:49,332
J.J., they're all around us. I...
957
01:33:12,166 --> 01:33:14,915
- My money or your life.
- Money!
958
01:33:16,166 --> 01:33:18,999
- He's got the money.
- Ha... He's got the money.
959
01:33:20,666 --> 01:33:21,999
J.J.
960
01:33:27,541 --> 01:33:30,290
Hey, did you see that picture where
the bad guys get their last request?
961
01:33:30,625 --> 01:33:34,082
- Yeah. - Well, some time on the late show.
- It was really a good movie.
962
01:33:35,750 --> 01:33:38,790
A last meal perhaps?
You could lay a little BBQ on us.
963
01:33:38,916 --> 01:33:41,665
You know, something that you
would go over the coals with?
964
01:33:42,333 --> 01:33:45,040
I'll have some quiche.
And a little chocolate mousse.
965
01:33:46,291 --> 01:33:49,082
Er, Shish kebab...
No, no. Couscous.
966
01:33:50,041 --> 01:33:51,499
Friggin' chickasee?
967
01:33:53,250 --> 01:33:55,082
Chicken fricasse...
968
01:33:55,833 --> 01:33:58,165
- And you?
- I'd like a wine list.
969
01:34:00,041 --> 01:34:03,124
Where I'm sending you, baby,
everything's on the menu.
970
01:34:22,166 --> 01:34:23,749
We're saved!
971
01:34:32,250 --> 01:34:34,249
Hey, reminds me of Brooklyn!
972
01:34:40,666 --> 01:34:42,332
Hi there!
973
01:34:50,750 --> 01:34:52,582
Surprise!
974
01:34:57,000 --> 01:34:58,749
You too!
975
01:35:00,666 --> 01:35:03,165
Any questions, boys?
976
01:35:09,333 --> 01:35:12,082
- Do you mind a personal remark?
- No, of course not!
977
01:35:12,250 --> 01:35:14,415
That is absolutely gorgeous!
978
01:35:16,416 --> 01:35:18,499
Hey, one's getting away!
979
01:35:20,833 --> 01:35:24,249
- I got him.
- I'll guard your back. Be careful and watch out!
980
01:35:24,291 --> 01:35:26,624
No problem. I'll be right back!
981
01:35:34,250 --> 01:35:36,915
You're okay? Must be
a pretty tough guy up there.
982
01:35:37,041 --> 01:35:39,790
- Maybe I should take care of this one.
- He's all yours.
983
01:35:44,166 --> 01:35:46,582
I think, he's over his head this time.
984
01:36:01,375 --> 01:36:04,874
- Hey! You look like an athlete.
- Wow, thank you. I was an athlete.
985
01:36:05,000 --> 01:36:06,832
- Oh yeah?
- Yeah, I was...
986
01:36:08,041 --> 01:36:12,624
- Oh, then you can probably handle yourself.
- You're in danger. - I'll protect you, Sister.
987
01:36:13,500 --> 01:36:15,499
Four, five, six, seven...
988
01:36:16,916 --> 01:36:18,415
Next!
989
01:36:22,625 --> 01:36:25,874
Oh, don't do that to me again.
This is just beautiful!
990
01:36:26,000 --> 01:36:29,040
- That's European, isn't it?
- But of course. - Absolutely stunning!
991
01:36:29,750 --> 01:36:31,665
That's enough. That's enough!
992
01:36:34,291 --> 01:36:36,499
- A thousand thanks, Sisters!
- Bless you, my friend.
993
01:36:42,291 --> 01:36:44,124
Over there! Yeah!
994
01:36:44,250 --> 01:36:47,582
Come on, you brat. You pervert!
995
01:36:47,833 --> 01:36:50,249
Hey, how do you like this
for a hose job?
996
01:36:56,000 --> 01:36:58,249
Oh yeah? Salute!
997
01:36:59,666 --> 01:37:03,665
- Hello, Chaos!
- Look J.J., a flower! Nice, huh?
998
01:37:04,000 --> 01:37:05,749
See ya!
999
01:37:07,250 --> 01:37:10,999
And I figured that 30,000 we owe you...
This will more than take care of it.
1000
01:37:12,416 --> 01:37:15,124
- May I buy you a drink?
- Yes. - Cherie!
1001
01:37:15,666 --> 01:37:18,790
Cherie!? I guess everyone...
They seem to be so busy!
1002
01:37:23,541 --> 01:37:24,749
That was fun, J.J!
1003
01:37:28,250 --> 01:37:30,540
- Get those guys!
- You got it.
1004
01:37:31,125 --> 01:37:33,415
Fly, baby! Fly!
1005
01:37:34,541 --> 01:37:37,999
Help is on the way!
Justice will triumph!
1006
01:37:40,875 --> 01:37:44,249
Sorry, bad guys! Carry on.
1007
01:37:44,875 --> 01:37:49,082
- Raining like a son-of-a-bitch over there. You need any help here?
- Yes. Inject that.
1008
01:37:49,250 --> 01:37:53,249
Fine. Oh, the plague!
I've seen this before...
1009
01:38:04,333 --> 01:38:08,249
No, Jackie! J.J...
Cannonball... You got it!
1010
01:38:20,250 --> 01:38:22,415
- Friend or foe?
- Have a guess!
1011
01:38:25,250 --> 01:38:28,665
- It's a bird. - It's a plane.
- It's Hymie!
1012
01:38:37,500 --> 01:38:39,999
Would you hold this for me, please?
I would like to really...
1013
01:38:40,083 --> 01:38:43,665
...get a good look at that ring again.
It's truly lovely.
1014
01:38:48,083 --> 01:38:49,624
Oh my God...
1015
01:38:57,541 --> 01:38:59,832
oh, look...
1016
01:39:00,250 --> 01:39:04,540
- J.J., it's a vision.
- No... No, it's us.
1017
01:39:09,625 --> 01:39:12,040
Oh, Sister Betty.
1018
01:39:12,500 --> 01:39:15,832
- "Him" didn't know you had that in you.
- "Him" will.
1019
01:39:17,000 --> 01:39:19,374
We're here to help you win!
1020
01:39:19,875 --> 01:39:24,624
- Did you miss me? - So much...
- Oh thanks. A little more than that?
1021
01:39:25,250 --> 01:39:27,999
I'm glad you missed me that much!
1022
01:39:28,791 --> 01:39:30,999
All these wonderful gals!
1023
01:39:32,500 --> 01:39:34,582
Fenderbaum!
1024
01:39:36,333 --> 01:39:38,999
Boy-nun, boy-boy, boy-nun.
1025
01:39:42,333 --> 01:39:46,040
Fenderbaum! What are you
doing with my partner?
1026
01:39:46,500 --> 01:39:48,332
- Partner?
- Partner?
1027
01:39:48,500 --> 01:39:52,165
Yes! I have bought the Pinto Ranch!
1028
01:39:52,583 --> 01:39:54,040
Yes!
1029
01:39:55,625 --> 01:39:59,165
And why not?
I have a weakness for blondes...
1030
01:39:59,375 --> 01:40:02,249
...and women without mustaches.
1031
01:40:04,500 --> 01:40:10,374
Before you do any hiring you tell
your partner about your liabilities.
1032
01:40:10,500 --> 01:40:12,915
You know, you have a very big mouth!
1033
01:40:14,333 --> 01:40:16,582
- My sheik!
- My partner!
1034
01:40:16,791 --> 01:40:20,082
My Sheik, I will need
just a little operating capital.
1035
01:40:20,666 --> 01:40:22,415
How much?
1036
01:40:23,541 --> 01:40:27,124
- Nine million dollars?
- Nine million?
1037
01:40:27,375 --> 01:40:30,874
A drop in the well!
I will give you 18 million.
1038
01:40:31,000 --> 01:40:35,082
- That way you will have some petty cash!
- Thank you, my sheik. Where are you going?
1039
01:40:35,750 --> 01:40:38,040
To win the race!
1040
01:40:38,500 --> 01:40:42,749
To share in my good fortune
with my fellow Cannonballers
1041
01:40:43,000 --> 01:40:47,999
I have decided to raise the
prize money to two million dollars!
1042
01:40:49,791 --> 01:40:52,749
- How many zeros is in that?
- I don't know!
1043
01:40:53,875 --> 01:40:57,999
- We'll split it three ways? - Yeah!
- Come, my sweethearts, we go!
1044
01:41:07,291 --> 01:41:09,290
Hey, Fenderbaum, Blake!
Come here a minute!
1045
01:41:10,000 --> 01:41:12,415
What is it, Frank?
Can't you see we're busy?
1046
01:41:12,541 --> 01:41:16,249
I know that. That's why I want to get
a head start. See you in Connecticut.
1047
01:42:12,750 --> 01:42:17,499
Oh, so sorry. You are average
player. Please try again later.
1048
01:42:46,625 --> 01:42:50,540
You gotta have to stop this thing. I can't
examine you with all this movin' around.
1049
01:42:50,625 --> 01:42:56,290
I can't stop! I can't stop! Just keep
me alive until we reach Connecticut!
1050
01:43:05,166 --> 01:43:07,832
So much for Abdul...
1051
01:43:08,583 --> 01:43:12,499
It's money in the bank,
I tell you. A million bucks!
1052
01:43:12,666 --> 01:43:15,540
The whole of a million bucks apiece!
1053
01:43:21,625 --> 01:43:25,332
- That's Frank.
- Where'd he learn to drive like that?
1054
01:43:25,583 --> 01:43:27,915
I don't know, but don't let him pass us!
1055
01:43:28,250 --> 01:43:30,749
- Floor it!
- It's floored!
1056
01:43:31,291 --> 01:43:34,332
Hi Frank, chicky-lover baby!
Hi there!
1057
01:43:34,500 --> 01:43:37,999
Remember me, Fenderbaum? Listen,
whoever gets to the finish line first
1058
01:43:38,250 --> 01:43:40,499
we split it 50/50, okay?
1059
01:43:42,000 --> 01:43:43,374
70/30
1060
01:43:44,875 --> 01:43:47,374
How about 10%?
1061
01:43:47,875 --> 01:43:49,290
Forget it.
1062
01:44:13,000 --> 01:44:15,790
Forget it, guys!
You're four hours and 15 martinis late!
1063
01:44:15,875 --> 01:44:18,999
Better go in the bar and get gassed up,
'cause you're racing back tomorrow...
1064
01:44:19,333 --> 01:44:23,165
- ...at noon!
- Park it. I'll see you in the bar.
1065
01:44:24,000 --> 01:44:27,332
Thanks. We'll leave tomorrow
and we'll be back in four days.
1066
01:44:27,583 --> 01:44:31,374
Then Atlantic City and a
weekend you'll never forget.
1067
01:44:31,500 --> 01:44:35,040
Once again you have brought
shame and disgrace to our tribe
1068
01:44:35,166 --> 01:44:39,249
by not winning the Cannonball Run.
- But Pop, there was this doctor in the car.
1069
01:44:39,375 --> 01:44:41,915
- He gave me a... It was kismet.
- I warn you!
1070
01:44:42,125 --> 01:44:45,290
Tomorrow's race is the last
Cannonball I am financing.
1071
01:44:45,416 --> 01:44:47,999
If you do not win,
do not bother to come home.
1072
01:44:48,083 --> 01:44:50,832
Pop, don't worry. I can't lose!
1073
01:44:51,041 --> 01:44:55,874
I have hired the winner of this Cannonball
to be my co-driver in the next one.
1074
01:44:56,250 --> 01:45:00,249
I'd like you to meet him. I have
told him so much about you, Pop.
1075
01:45:03,500 --> 01:45:07,540
Excuse me, Sir.
I'd like you to meet my Pop!
1076
01:45:26,083 --> 01:45:29,915
The Cannonball is a race from California
to Connecticut. We have lots of fun.
1077
01:45:30,000 --> 01:45:33,082
And then... The Sheik... What they...
1078
01:45:33,750 --> 01:45:36,624
I can get this. Just a minute.
I can do it. Wait a minute.
1079
01:45:37,083 --> 01:45:39,749
- And... - We'll start from the slap.
- From the slap?
1080
01:45:40,333 --> 01:45:42,374
Sir! Er...
1081
01:45:45,833 --> 01:45:48,540
Just pick it up right from the slap.
1082
01:45:50,041 --> 01:45:51,790
Sir!
1083
01:45:51,875 --> 01:45:55,915
Sorry, we get this in a minute.
It's alright. We get it. Here we go.
1084
01:45:56,291 --> 01:45:59,082
Oh, Sir! The Cannonball is a race
1085
01:45:59,083 --> 01:46:01,249
from Connecticut to your ass.
1086
01:46:15,750 --> 01:46:18,999
Now, if your mother
could kiss like that...
1087
01:46:19,333 --> 01:46:22,124
We're just gonna place it. Ready? Huh?
1088
01:46:24,625 --> 01:46:27,082
Is that what you want? You got it.
1089
01:46:27,250 --> 01:46:31,249
- Okay?
- I don't trust you.
- No, you got it, I swear. I'm just gonna place it.
1090
01:46:34,166 --> 01:46:37,332
Oh shit, if I wasn't getting
a lot of money...
1091
01:46:38,125 --> 01:46:41,374
- Don't get it from the ground.
- Where might I gonna get it from?
1092
01:46:41,500 --> 01:46:44,249
Get it from here. This is fresh.
1093
01:46:44,666 --> 01:46:47,749
- There'll be a mound here.
- I got fresh stuff here.
1094
01:46:47,833 --> 01:46:51,790
Nobody's ever peed on this.
I'm just gonna place it.
1095
01:46:55,625 --> 01:46:58,332
How animals live on this shit?
1096
01:47:20,291 --> 01:47:24,374
Listen, if we have these nuns
God will be our co-pilot.
1097
01:47:24,750 --> 01:47:27,915
I don't care. You listen to me.
Listen to me.
1098
01:47:30,791 --> 01:47:33,082
We're not taking those nuns along.
1099
01:47:36,083 --> 01:47:39,040
What is the matter with you?
I can't work like this!
1100
01:47:40,791 --> 01:47:45,249
- She's winking at me.
- Hold there. - She's to wave.
1101
01:47:45,291 --> 01:47:50,749
- Alright.
- I have no protection. She is... Godammit...
- Pick it up.
1102
01:47:51,625 --> 01:47:55,415
- Lepers? New York?
- No: "Lepers? Big Apple?"
1103
01:47:56,625 --> 01:47:59,374
I order you...
1104
01:48:02,833 --> 01:48:06,624
- J.J! Long time no see.
- Captain Chaos, nice to see you again.
1105
01:48:08,125 --> 01:48:10,749
- Would you do it again?
- Yeah, certainly. - Here we go.
1106
01:48:17,666 --> 01:48:20,290
Keep it rollin'. Here we go.
1107
01:48:24,541 --> 01:48:27,749
- J.J! - Captain Chaos! - Long time no see.
- Good to see you again.
1108
01:48:27,875 --> 01:48:31,249
- Good to see you!
- Listen, I'd deem it a personal pruverage... privilege,
1109
01:48:31,375 --> 01:48:35,249
if I can get in that bomb and get my
teeth fixed. Turn around, let's start again.
1110
01:48:38,541 --> 01:48:42,165
- J.J! - Captain Chaos. - Long time no see.
- Good to see you again.
1111
01:48:42,833 --> 01:48:45,665
I'd deem it a privilege
you let me ride in the bomb.
1112
01:48:46,166 --> 01:48:49,749
Did you understand that at all?
Just turn around and let me do it again.
1113
01:48:53,750 --> 01:48:56,624
Listen, isn't somebody gonna say "Cut"?
1113
01:48:57,305 --> 01:49:57,278
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