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1
00:00:20,608 --> 00:00:23,079
Warp drive this you freelnek!
2
00:00:30,712 --> 00:00:32,476
TRIPPING THE RIFT - 1x03 -
MISS GALAXY 5000
3
00:00:36,168 --> 00:00:37,872
What you got there, Uncle Chode?
4
00:00:38,337 --> 00:00:41,661
How'd you like to go
on an educational field trip, kid?
5
00:00:41,708 --> 00:00:44,316
Educational? What am I gonna learn?
6
00:00:44,409 --> 00:00:47,400
The difference between real jugs
and the plastic kind.
7
00:00:47,492 --> 00:00:53,628
I'm taking you to the Miss Galaxy 5000 Pageant
where yours truly is gonna be a judge!
8
00:00:53,674 --> 00:00:58,094
Somebody asked a perv like you to judge
the Miss Galaxy 5000 Pageant?
9
00:00:58,187 --> 00:01:01,606
Of course they did!
How else do you think I got it?!
10
00:01:01,838 --> 00:01:03,639
I don't know, say on the black market
11
00:01:03,777 --> 00:01:06,910
with the money you were supposed
to spend on the dutritium fuel rods?!
12
00:01:07,004 --> 00:01:10,708
That's ridiculous! I put the welfare
of this ship above everything!
13
00:01:10,801 --> 00:01:12,648
Red alert! Red alert!
14
00:01:12,862 --> 00:01:14,948
I've just come from below.
15
00:01:15,087 --> 00:01:17,650
The dutritium rods
are almost completely worn through!
16
00:01:17,742 --> 00:01:20,877
That's impossible!
Those are brand new rods. Captain?
17
00:01:21,341 --> 00:01:22,570
Define: "Brand new".
18
00:01:22,708 --> 00:01:24,795
One of the rods just burst into flames!
19
00:01:24,933 --> 00:01:27,972
Bob, contain the fire
and switch to auxiliary power!
20
00:01:29,276 --> 00:01:32,220
Ok, they might have been slightly used.
21
00:01:32,312 --> 00:01:35,398
And let me guess...cheap, cheap, cheap?!
22
00:01:35,491 --> 00:01:37,816
No, they were even cheaper than that.
23
00:01:37,909 --> 00:01:38,660
Chode!
24
00:01:38,799 --> 00:01:39,932
Now hear me out.
25
00:01:40,072 --> 00:01:42,204
I've got a plan to make us a million bucks.
26
00:01:42,297 --> 00:01:47,193
You see, that's what the winner
of the Miss Galaxy 5000 Pageant walks away with.
27
00:01:47,286 --> 00:01:49,610
I don't think there's enough make-up
and hairspray in the world.
28
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You don't stand a chance.
29
00:01:51,215 --> 00:01:53,062
Not me, you shmuck bucket!
30
00:01:53,201 --> 00:01:59,621
All I have to do is enter my most beautiful female
crew member in that contest and make sure she wins.
31
00:01:59,994 --> 00:02:03,128
Before you even ask: No! Absolutely not!
32
00:02:03,222 --> 00:02:05,354
Beauty cannot be judged or objectified!
33
00:02:05,493 --> 00:02:07,294
Well, we have the ugly girl opinion.
34
00:02:07,414 --> 00:02:08,833
So Six, will you do it?
35
00:02:08,971 --> 00:02:11,058
Sorry, but I agree with T'Nuk, captain.
36
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Beauty contests are degrading to women.
37
00:02:13,613 --> 00:02:16,270
Note to self:
cancel that damn lifetime channel.
38
00:02:16,363 --> 00:02:20,213
I'm serious. In the name of beauty,
women starve themselves,
39
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maim their bodies with dangerous plastic surgery and
hate themselves every time they look in the mirror,
40
00:02:25,390 --> 00:02:30,334
because they don't fit some artificially imposed
cookiecutter standard of beauty. Look at T'Nuk!
41
00:02:30,426 --> 00:02:32,178
Do I have to? I just ate.
42
00:02:32,318 --> 00:02:39,120
Very funny. I'll have you know, back home,
on my planet,I'm considered a great beauty.
43
00:02:39,212 --> 00:02:41,059
That's gotta be one scary place.
44
00:02:41,200 --> 00:02:43,617
More important than how we look,
is how we think.
45
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Women also have brains.
46
00:02:45,361 --> 00:02:47,686
But Uncle Chode told me women don't need brains,
47
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'cause a brain can't suck your...
48
00:02:50,100 --> 00:02:51,519
Kids! Heh, heh.
49
00:02:54,549 --> 00:02:55,825
Go away.
50
00:02:56,058 --> 00:03:00,669
But I've got a video.
"Revenge of the Butt Pirates".
51
00:03:00,760 --> 00:03:01,798
Forget it.
52
00:03:02,590 --> 00:03:06,519
Wait a minute, you're my sexslave!
Open this damn door!
53
00:03:07,499 --> 00:03:08,871
What are you so worked up about?
54
00:03:08,963 --> 00:03:12,478
What's wrong witha guy appreciatin'
what a hottie a gal is?
55
00:03:12,571 --> 00:03:15,114
The problem is, that's all you appreciate.
56
00:03:15,347 --> 00:03:16,479
Hey, men are visual.
57
00:03:16,573 --> 00:03:20,658
Big kachangas and a shaved patootie
make us go nuts! We can't help it.
58
00:03:20,750 --> 00:03:23,455
That's beauty to us. That's how we're wired.
59
00:03:23,595 --> 00:03:27,110
That may be true
but beauty pageants just make it worse.
60
00:03:27,251 --> 00:03:31,003
Why should I compete against other women
in a degrading flesh parade?
61
00:03:31,327 --> 00:03:36,320
Uh... because I've already forged your name and spent
a crapload of hours filling out the paperwork?!
62
00:03:36,411 --> 00:03:37,926
You've already entered me?
63
00:03:38,064 --> 00:03:40,198
Congratulations, number 16!
64
00:03:40,290 --> 00:03:42,282
Didn't you hear a word I just said?
65
00:03:42,747 --> 00:03:47,290
Of course I did.
But we're talking about a million dollars here.
66
00:03:47,383 --> 00:03:50,039
So break out the skin-tight spandex,
67
00:03:50,134 --> 00:03:55,314
put on your best "screw me" pumps and paint
your face up like the whore of Babylon 69,
68
00:03:55,455 --> 00:03:59,730
'cause honey, you're entering
this pageant and that's an order!
69
00:03:59,871 --> 00:04:02,670
Fine. But guess what you're not entering tonight.
70
00:04:03,881 --> 00:04:07,158
Would a quickie be out of the question there, matey?
71
00:04:21,058 --> 00:04:25,574
Ah! Wow! What a babe!
72
00:04:26,784 --> 00:04:32,348
Look, I'm here for the money. I can't allow myself
to be distracted by some hot clown booty.
73
00:04:33,840 --> 00:04:37,354
Back that thing up yo yo yo!
Back that thing up yo yo yo!
74
00:04:37,447 --> 00:04:44,678
I see you admire my daughter, Chode.
Or should I say... Fritz Felchman!
75
00:04:44,769 --> 00:04:50,650
Hard to believe that sweet, ripe thing is the fruit
of your rotten circus loins, Darph Bobo.
76
00:04:50,741 --> 00:04:54,351
Or should I say... Marvin Wankersteen!
77
00:04:54,444 --> 00:04:55,339
Imposter!
78
00:04:55,431 --> 00:04:55,899
Liar!
79
00:04:55,993 --> 00:04:56,414
Fake!
80
00:04:56,460 --> 00:04:56,929
Cheat!
81
00:04:59,846 --> 00:05:03,056
Always a pleasure, Marvin.
82
00:05:03,242 --> 00:05:06,329
Nice to see you again, Fritz.
83
00:05:13,879 --> 00:05:17,631
We'll see who's laughing when Six walks away
with that million bucks!
84
00:05:28,068 --> 00:05:33,392
Implants! Implants! Get your red hot implants!
I got lips, I got hips!
85
00:05:33,531 --> 00:05:36,665
I can do tucks and nips! You know you need it!
86
00:05:38,344 --> 00:05:42,478
Excuse me! Excuse me!
May I have your attention please?
87
00:05:42,570 --> 00:05:47,418
Don't you realize we're all being forced to conform
to a single stereotype of beauty?
88
00:05:47,558 --> 00:05:49,976
Look around you! What are we doing?
89
00:05:50,069 --> 00:05:55,679
We're hiding our true natural radiance
behind painted-on masks!
90
00:05:55,818 --> 00:06:01,383
We're inflating and deflating our body parts
like a bunch of mindless blow-up dolls!
91
00:06:01,521 --> 00:06:06,179
A beauty contest? I mean, what do you really win?
A car? A fur coat?
92
00:06:06,272 --> 00:06:08,690
A jeweled crown? A million dollars?
93
00:06:08,829 --> 00:06:11,202
Is that really worth selling out for?
94
00:06:18,429 --> 00:06:20,260
.
95
00:06:23,757 --> 00:06:25,032
Name please?
96
00:06:25,172 --> 00:06:30,592
Spamela Anderslut.
Representing the planet Titius Maximus.
97
00:06:32,531 --> 00:06:37,617
You should be ashamed of yourself!
No woman is more beautiful than another!
98
00:06:37,757 --> 00:06:41,510
We are all beautiful in our own unique way!
99
00:06:41,649 --> 00:06:43,591
Oh my lord!
100
00:06:43,731 --> 00:06:48,102
Go ahead and call security!
Throw me in jail for my beliefs!
101
00:06:48,196 --> 00:06:50,280
But don't think I'll make it easy for you!
102
00:06:50,420 --> 00:06:54,267
You're a goddess!
You must enter this contest!
103
00:06:54,360 --> 00:06:54,969
What!?
104
00:06:55,109 --> 00:06:59,147
You're an absolute vision of loveliness!
105
00:06:59,241 --> 00:07:01,565
I wouldn't be at all surprised if you won!
106
00:07:01,657 --> 00:07:06,411
Really? Gee, I don't know...
I can't even imagine!
107
00:07:07,204 --> 00:07:14,195
Ha! Ha! Thank you! Thank you!
Thank you! I cannot believe it!
108
00:07:14,800 --> 00:07:18,600
Where do I sign up? Come on, slowpoke!
Give me that pen!
109
00:07:19,485 --> 00:07:24,097
You might as well go home now girls,
the contest is over!
110
00:07:24,981 --> 00:07:29,877
You're hot. You know that mister?
I think I'm in love.
111
00:07:29,970 --> 00:07:33,961
Surprised? You shouldn't be.
A macho hunk like you?
112
00:07:34,053 --> 00:07:34,805
Gus!
113
00:07:34,944 --> 00:07:36,316
Don't you ever knock, woman?!
114
00:07:36,501 --> 00:07:40,445
You've got to help me! I'm competing in the pageant
and I'm indesperate need of...
115
00:07:40,537 --> 00:07:42,528
An industrial-strength girdle?
116
00:07:42,668 --> 00:07:46,896
No, silly! Your inborn gay fashion expertise!
117
00:07:47,251 --> 00:07:50,718
Not that anyone ever hears me when I say this,
but I'm not gay.
118
00:07:50,857 --> 00:07:56,230
Besides, no mammalian life-form could ever approach
the beauty and perfection that is the machine.
119
00:07:56,369 --> 00:07:58,932
Oh gus, you've got to help me!
I mean, what other...
120
00:07:59,024 --> 00:08:06,207
straight guy... knows as much as you do about make-up
and hair and sparkly gowns and feather boas?
121
00:08:06,346 --> 00:08:09,050
Well, when you put it like that... ok.
122
00:08:09,236 --> 00:08:12,704
Let's put a new coat of paint on this old barn!
123
00:08:12,843 --> 00:08:14,596
Pretty ugly
124
00:08:16,508 --> 00:08:18,211
Pretty ugly
125
00:08:20,403 --> 00:08:21,822
Pretty ugly
126
00:08:22,006 --> 00:08:25,045
No!
And I thought I told you my clothes are off limits.
127
00:08:25,183 --> 00:08:27,555
Now take it of all at once,
before you stretch it out!
128
00:08:33,866 --> 00:08:35,572
Are you all right?
129
00:08:35,710 --> 00:08:39,205
Yeah, I was just dieting.
Mind your own business!
130
00:08:39,298 --> 00:08:42,766
Bulimia and anorexia are serious diseases.
131
00:08:42,903 --> 00:08:47,753
I know your type you just want me to look fat
so I'll lose! You're trying to psyche me out.
132
00:08:47,846 --> 00:08:51,933
Well you can forget about it,
I've been in beauty contests since I was 3 years old.
133
00:08:52,072 --> 00:08:54,253
Who forced you to do that? Your mother?
134
00:08:54,391 --> 00:09:00,002
Yes! I mean no! I mean, back off, Oprah!
135
00:09:00,187 --> 00:09:01,416
You don't scare me.
136
00:09:01,508 --> 00:09:04,928
Really? Uh oh, wrong gun.
137
00:09:05,066 --> 00:09:08,249
Somewhere right now
a birthday party's not going so well.
138
00:09:08,388 --> 00:09:10,234
You need a psychiatrist.
139
00:09:12,565 --> 00:09:13,784
.
140
00:09:13,823 --> 00:09:16,439
And you need a lawyer.
141
00:09:20,974 --> 00:09:24,346
What kind of a monster could do such a thing?
142
00:09:24,532 --> 00:09:27,951
Obviously one who has balloon animals
on their stationery.
143
00:09:28,091 --> 00:09:32,320
Uh, that could be any one of us.
She's just trying to confuse us, girls.
144
00:09:32,460 --> 00:09:35,974
Come on, let's string her up! Get her, girls!
145
00:09:36,626 --> 00:09:39,473
Ok. Everybody calm down!
146
00:09:39,752 --> 00:09:45,792
As an official judge of this pageant, not just some
imposter who got his greasy mitts on a judge's ID badge,
147
00:09:45,885 --> 00:09:49,875
I think it's obvious
that this complete stranger is innocent!
148
00:09:50,015 --> 00:09:52,290
She looks pretty guilty to me!
149
00:09:52,429 --> 00:09:56,611
I have to agree with this stunning young lady,
who, by the way,
150
00:09:56,731 --> 00:10:02,614
is a complete stranger to me and not,
I repeat, not my daughter!
151
00:10:02,640 --> 00:10:04,759
- Guilty!
- I didn't do it.
152
00:10:04,899 --> 00:10:07,174
Look, all I know is we have a signed confession.
153
00:10:08,201 --> 00:10:11,906
Yes, a signed confession written in lipstick.
154
00:10:12,090 --> 00:10:16,638
And I've had enough lipstick
smeared on this hard body over the years
to know the difference between jungle red,
155
00:10:16,724 --> 00:10:25,690
what this complete stranger is wearing,
and bozo red, which is on the note
and on your lyin' lips, so drop it!
156
00:10:25,829 --> 00:10:30,010
So, you see ladies, this murder may remain
one of life's baffling mysteries,
157
00:10:30,150 --> 00:10:35,235
kinda' like how Jean-Claude Vandumb ever had
an acting career. But look on the bright side.
158
00:10:35,375 --> 00:10:39,747
You are each one girl closer
to being named Miss Galaxy 5000!
159
00:10:41,658 --> 00:10:47,032
Thank you, thank you.
Now remember gals, focus on the positive.
160
00:10:47,124 --> 00:10:50,923
Especially you, Six.
Sad sacks don't win beauty contests.
161
00:10:51,202 --> 00:10:55,718
So as they say:
"When life gives you lemons, make lemonade!"
162
00:10:55,857 --> 00:11:00,610
What if life gives you a big purple ass?
163
00:11:02,034 --> 00:11:03,344
God I hate fucking Clowns.
164
00:11:03,542 --> 00:11:06,754
You saved me. I guess I owe you one.
165
00:11:06,848 --> 00:11:09,914
No you don't, babe. You owe me a million.
166
00:11:11,918 --> 00:11:15,958
Look, I'm a judge, so I gotta be extra careful.
167
00:11:16,097 --> 00:11:19,897
You're the one who's gonna have to do something
about that cyber-skank.
168
00:11:20,036 --> 00:11:22,360
That Six could cost us the million!
169
00:11:22,453 --> 00:11:24,711
Not if she's dead!
170
00:11:24,849 --> 00:11:31,746
It's times like this that make me realize
that good parenting really does pay off.
171
00:11:34,124 --> 00:11:36,878
I'm so nervous! They're all so pretty!
172
00:11:36,996 --> 00:11:41,321
I'm going to be your coach here.
Now repeat after me. I am beautiful!
173
00:11:41,414 --> 00:11:42,785
You are beautiful!
174
00:11:42,878 --> 00:11:44,440
No not me. You!
175
00:11:44,532 --> 00:11:46,428
No not me. You!
176
00:11:46,567 --> 00:11:50,652
I am the coach.You are the coachee.
Say it about yourself!
177
00:11:50,792 --> 00:11:53,306
Oh! I am beautiful.
178
00:11:53,446 --> 00:11:54,293
Like you believe it!
179
00:11:54,386 --> 00:11:56,330
I am beautiful!
180
00:11:56,562 --> 00:11:59,218
I am beautiful and nothing can shake my confidence.
181
00:11:59,499 --> 00:12:03,107
I am beautiful and nothing can shake my confidence!
182
00:12:03,944 --> 00:12:06,554
Now tell yourself once and for all in this mirror.
183
00:12:06,647 --> 00:12:11,591
I am beautiful and nothing can shake my confidence!
184
00:12:13,922 --> 00:12:15,341
Places!
185
00:12:23,660 --> 00:12:30,365
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the 273rd
annual Miss Galaxy 5000 pageant.
186
00:12:30,506 --> 00:12:32,925
And now, please welcome your host:
187
00:12:33,063 --> 00:12:35,054
Blurt sparks!
188
00:12:35,194 --> 00:12:40,185
Hey there! You folks ready
for an eyepopping cavalcade of t and a?
189
00:12:43,923 --> 00:12:45,916
Well, guess what? After 272 of these puppies,
190
00:12:46,006 --> 00:12:49,474
we've finally wised up and cut the boring crap.
191
00:12:49,566 --> 00:12:53,701
That's right, folks, we're skipping
right to our 7 lucky finalists in swim suits!
192
00:12:55,705 --> 00:13:03,174
Alrighty then! Let's have our 7 finalists parade
out here not unlike prizelivestock at a county fair!
193
00:13:09,144 --> 00:13:12,659
Granted, I'm no genius,
but I do know how to count to 7!
194
00:13:12,798 --> 00:13:20,409
So, let's bring outour last 3 finalists!
Where the hell are they? I'll kill 'em!
195
00:13:20,502 --> 00:13:24,256
Who knows?
Someone may have saved you the trouble.
196
00:13:24,442 --> 00:13:29,481
Alrighty! We're going to take a quick commercial break
and try to get our act together.
197
00:13:29,573 --> 00:13:33,326
Stay tuned for the exciting talent competition, folks!
198
00:13:33,699 --> 00:13:35,261
And we're out!
199
00:13:35,446 --> 00:13:36,531
I need a drink.
200
00:13:37,464 --> 00:13:40,692
The pie is banana cream,
the foreign object is a clown nose,
201
00:13:40,923 --> 00:13:43,868
and the balloon dog is brilliant.
Did you see the detail?
202
00:13:43,959 --> 00:13:48,094
Thank you! We're also available
for children's parties, and bridal showers.
203
00:13:48,793 --> 00:13:50,259
Oh, is that so?
204
00:13:50,491 --> 00:13:54,767
Has anyone else noticed that all the murder weapons
seem to have one thing in common?
205
00:13:55,326 --> 00:13:58,653
Yes! They were all macabre,
yet terribly amusing!
206
00:13:58,790 --> 00:14:02,115
I think you or your daughter did it
to kill off the competition!
207
00:14:02,253 --> 00:14:09,055
Oh, Chode! That's such an unfounded,
ridiculous stab in the dark!
208
00:14:10,313 --> 00:14:12,686
Ha! Ha! Just kidding.
209
00:14:13,711 --> 00:14:15,701
Damn. This just isn't my day.
210
00:14:15,794 --> 00:14:18,308
We're back in 30 seconds. Places!
211
00:14:19,566 --> 00:14:21,223
Alrighty, we're back!
212
00:14:21,362 --> 00:14:24,210
It's now time for the talent portion of our contest!
213
00:14:25,049 --> 00:14:30,945
First up is Babbette, recreating a dramatic scene
from the film Basic Instinct!
214
00:14:33,555 --> 00:14:39,166
What are you going to do?
Charge me with smoking?
215
00:14:41,824 --> 00:14:43,529
That's my girl.
216
00:14:43,621 --> 00:14:50,519
I believe the rules clearly state that all contestants
are required to wear panties. Disqualified!
217
00:14:57,140 --> 00:15:01,085
There's low and then there's low.
That bitch stole my act!
218
00:15:01,224 --> 00:15:06,215
Thank you Babbette,
for that revealing glimpse into your... soul!
219
00:15:06,354 --> 00:15:09,964
And now, make a lot of noise for T'Nuk!
220
00:15:10,616 --> 00:15:13,035
Bravo! Hurray!!! Hurrah!
221
00:15:15,180 --> 00:15:17,028
What are you...
222
00:15:17,166 --> 00:15:18,777
Gonna do...
223
00:15:19,475 --> 00:15:23,226
Charge me... with smoking?!
224
00:15:25,605 --> 00:15:30,548
Cover up those udders!
There are children in the audience!
225
00:15:36,331 --> 00:15:39,465
Please! There is no way
that top-heavy bimbo can play a delicate,
226
00:15:39,559 --> 00:15:41,548
refined instrument like the violin.
227
00:15:42,946 --> 00:15:45,328
Ah! Long after they've forgotten the name Mozart,
228
00:15:45,390 --> 00:15:48,877
the name Anderslut will live on!
229
00:15:52,297 --> 00:15:55,072
Nothing says "pretty" like good oral hygiene!
230
00:15:55,258 --> 00:15:58,964
Thank you, Spamela! And now, with an original poem...
231
00:15:59,103 --> 00:16:03,382
Uh oh, sounds like it's nap time, folks.
Our final contestant,
232
00:16:03,518 --> 00:16:04,509
Six!
233
00:16:04,741 --> 00:16:07,237
"What is beauty? "Beauty is heart,beauty is soul.
234
00:16:09,278 --> 00:16:11,604
- Beauty is strong,beauty is bold.
- Hmm. Time fora wardrobe malfunction.
235
00:16:12,118 --> 00:16:17,705
"Beauty is you, beauty is me.
But beauty is nothing... if a woman's not free".
236
00:16:21,063 --> 00:16:27,292
Free indeed! Let's hear it for that intimate
look at Six's private thoughts!
237
00:16:29,438 --> 00:16:34,144
It's time for the all-important: "What's going on
in your pretty little head?" question.
238
00:16:34,282 --> 00:16:37,844
Ladies? This could decide it all, folks!
239
00:16:37,937 --> 00:16:43,691
Alrighty! The question is:
"Why should you be named miss galaxy 5000?" Six?
240
00:16:43,783 --> 00:16:47,441
Because I would use the position
to let young women all over the universe
241
00:16:47,581 --> 00:16:53,382
know that beauty is more than just skin deep.
It is heart, it is soul...
242
00:16:53,474 --> 00:16:57,943
Yes, we've already heard your poem,
Elizabeth Barrett boring!
243
00:16:58,174 --> 00:16:58,765
T'nuk?
244
00:16:58,951 --> 00:17:03,370
I wanna' win for all the 4-legged,
3-breasted, big girls out there!
245
00:17:03,510 --> 00:17:06,024
And god willing there'snot that many!
Babette?
246
00:17:06,163 --> 00:17:12,660
If I win I will help blind,
handicapped inner-city onions.
247
00:17:12,753 --> 00:17:14,124
Excuse me?
248
00:17:17,202 --> 00:17:19,192
Orphans!
249
00:17:19,286 --> 00:17:22,990
Nice save, chuckles. And finally, Spamela!
250
00:17:23,129 --> 00:17:27,073
If I win, I will continue
Stephen Hawking's groundbreaking work
251
00:17:27,165 --> 00:17:31,443
on the dynamic repeating fractal patterns
in hyper-stringquantum mechanics.
252
00:17:32,653 --> 00:17:37,122
Okaaaay. Well judges,
you certainly have a difficult decision to make,
253
00:17:37,213 --> 00:17:39,871
so cast your final votes!
Don't go away folks!
254
00:17:40,011 --> 00:17:44,669
When we return,
we'll crown the new Miss Galaxy 5000!
255
00:17:45,133 --> 00:17:48,601
Vote for Six and I'll cut each of you in for 20.
256
00:17:48,694 --> 00:17:50,160
Twenty percentof a million?
257
00:17:50,252 --> 00:17:51,434
No, 20 bucks.
258
00:17:51,665 --> 00:17:54,085
Vote for Babbette and no one gets hurt.
259
00:17:54,224 --> 00:17:58,214
By the way, buddy, your mother says hi.
260
00:17:58,306 --> 00:18:02,155
That's my mother-in-law.
Be my guest.
261
00:18:02,247 --> 00:18:02,763
Damn!
262
00:18:04,162 --> 00:18:06,437
Judges, your votes please!
263
00:18:09,656 --> 00:18:12,693
Could I have the envelope please?
264
00:18:15,611 --> 00:18:20,604
The new Miss Galaxy 5000 is... Six!
265
00:18:21,209 --> 00:18:24,200
Ha! Ha! Chode rules! Chode rules!!!
266
00:18:25,879 --> 00:18:29,155
Wait a minute!
Is the winner allowed to be a cyborg?
267
00:18:29,527 --> 00:18:32,898
'Cause six here is a no-good, filthy cyborg!
268
00:18:32,991 --> 00:18:33,887
T'nuk!
269
00:18:35,004 --> 00:18:40,807
In that case, the first runner up
is the new miss galaxy5000 and that's... Babbette!
270
00:18:41,503 --> 00:18:45,590
Woo hoo! Yes! Clowns rule! Clowns rule!
271
00:18:45,730 --> 00:18:50,292
Wait a minute! I have a videotape
of this clown killing 4 women!
272
00:18:50,431 --> 00:18:54,470
Security never installed a camera
in the women's dressing room. I checked!
273
00:18:54,563 --> 00:18:57,934
True, but a sick, twisted friend of mine did.
274
00:18:59,904 --> 00:19:01,417
Back off, people!
275
00:19:09,112 --> 00:19:11,008
Third time's a charm, huh?
276
00:19:11,100 --> 00:19:17,711
The new Miss Galaxy 5000 is...
Spamela Anderslut!
277
00:19:18,736 --> 00:19:19,774
Wait a minute!
278
00:19:20,052 --> 00:19:21,947
For cryin' out loud, what?!!
279
00:19:22,319 --> 00:19:28,025
If a contestant has had over 500 different cosmetic
surgery procedures, would she be disqualified?
280
00:19:28,165 --> 00:19:28,820
Nope.
281
00:19:29,006 --> 00:19:32,138
What if she'd made over 700 hardcore porn movies?
282
00:19:32,418 --> 00:19:33,741
Answer's still no.
283
00:19:33,927 --> 00:19:41,539
Well, what if she "accidentally" fell off the stage
and was unable to perform her duties as Miss Galaxy?
284
00:19:41,816 --> 00:19:45,788
Well, then yes... she would be disqualified.
285
00:19:49,333 --> 00:19:51,228
Thank you!
286
00:19:51,460 --> 00:19:56,928
Wow, it's really her the queen of poise and grace,
287
00:19:57,113 --> 00:20:02,868
she's awfully pretty that's for sure
the queen of outer space
288
00:20:03,262 --> 00:20:08,857
You like me! You really, really like me! Oh...
289
00:20:16,831 --> 00:20:20,538
I think that ridiculous pageant
taught us all a valuable lesson.
290
00:20:20,676 --> 00:20:22,333
That crime really does pay?
291
00:20:22,472 --> 00:20:27,178
No! That holding women up
to some impossible ideal of beauty,
292
00:20:27,316 --> 00:20:32,404
that they must suffer and slave
to attain is cruel and unnecessary!
293
00:20:32,542 --> 00:20:37,199
Maybe, but I'd still rather get a diddle
from a pretty girl than an ugly one any day.
294
00:20:37,339 --> 00:20:40,044
What if men were held up
to that artificial standard?
295
00:20:40,230 --> 00:20:43,269
We are! Only difference is instead of looks,
296
00:20:43,360 --> 00:20:44,780
its how much dough we got.
297
00:20:44,872 --> 00:20:47,435
Right now, I'm one attractive guy!
298
00:20:47,573 --> 00:20:51,850
I'm in! With any luck
you're looking at the next Miss Warp Drive!
299
00:20:51,990 --> 00:20:54,171
Gus, I'll need a hot new look.
300
00:20:54,264 --> 00:20:55,873
And I'll need a hand full of valium.
301
00:20:56,012 --> 00:20:57,813
I really wanna stand out this time.
302
00:20:58,043 --> 00:21:00,415
So, I was thinking of maybe a string bikini.
303
00:21:00,649 --> 00:21:01,924
What were you thinking of?
304
00:21:02,109 --> 00:21:04,196
Gouging my eyes out.
26431
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