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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162 WWW.MY-SUBS.CO 1 00:00:13,280 --> 00:00:15,400 Kids, this is a Thanksgiving story. 2 00:00:16,080 --> 00:00:18,280 Thanksgiving in New York is a wonderful time. 3 00:00:19,200 --> 00:00:21,240 It's a time for giving of yourself, 4 00:00:21,360 --> 00:00:23,040 for thinking of your fellow man. 5 00:00:23,280 --> 00:00:26,560 A time when the unforgiving city becomes a little kinder. 6 00:00:26,840 --> 00:00:28,840 Well, I just ralphed. 7 00:00:29,200 --> 00:00:30,960 How much did you guys drink last night? 8 00:00:31,040 --> 00:00:32,080 Not how much... 9 00:00:32,200 --> 00:00:32,960 what? 10 00:00:33,120 --> 00:00:34,600 The Thankstini. 11 00:00:34,880 --> 00:00:37,760 A fun and delicious new novelty drink I invented. 12 00:00:37,840 --> 00:00:41,760 Cranberry juice, potato vodka, and a bouillon cube. 13 00:00:41,960 --> 00:00:44,480 Tastes just like a turkey dinner. 14 00:00:44,800 --> 00:00:48,200 Mmm, it's like Thanksgiving in my mouth! 15 00:00:48,840 --> 00:00:51,680 You want a good holiday drink, try his Kwanzaapolitan. 16 00:00:53,640 --> 00:00:54,680 The shuttle's here! 17 00:00:56,360 --> 00:00:58,600 He hasn't been back home to Minnesota since Christmas. 18 00:00:58,680 --> 00:00:59,800 He's a little excited. 19 00:00:59,880 --> 00:01:01,800 Lily, we're holding up the shuttle. Do you have everything you need-- 20 00:01:01,880 --> 00:01:03,800 toothbrush, pajamas, underpants? 21 00:01:03,960 --> 00:01:05,000 Underpants! 22 00:01:07,040 --> 00:01:08,440 So, Lil... 23 00:01:08,600 --> 00:01:10,240 Marshall's family. 24 00:01:10,360 --> 00:01:13,080 A whole weekend with the future in-laws. You excited? 25 00:01:13,160 --> 00:01:15,080 Yeah, no, it'll be fun. 26 00:01:15,160 --> 00:01:17,400 Lily, you just said, "Yeah, no." 27 00:01:18,160 --> 00:01:19,080 Did I? 28 00:01:19,160 --> 00:01:21,480 No. I-I love Marshall's family. 29 00:01:21,960 --> 00:01:23,560 But yeah, no, it'll be great. 30 00:01:23,680 --> 00:01:24,600 You just did it again. 31 00:01:24,760 --> 00:01:25,960 Yeah, no, shut up. 32 00:01:27,640 --> 00:01:29,160 So you're not going home for Thanksgiving? 33 00:01:29,240 --> 00:01:30,960 No, I have to work on Friday. You? 34 00:01:31,080 --> 00:01:33,680 I'm Canadian, remember? We celebrate Thanksgiving in October. 35 00:01:33,800 --> 00:01:36,040 Oh, right, I forgot. You guys are weird. 36 00:01:36,120 --> 00:01:38,400 You pronounce the word "out," "oat." 37 00:01:38,840 --> 00:01:42,480 You guys are the world's leader in handgun violence, your healthcare system is bankrupt, 38 00:01:42,560 --> 00:01:46,320 and your country is deeply divided on almost every important issue. 39 00:01:47,480 --> 00:01:50,080 Your cops are called "Mounties." 40 00:01:51,960 --> 00:01:53,920 So probably hanging out with Barney, then? 41 00:01:54,040 --> 00:01:56,280 No. Barney's got his own Thanksgiving tradition. 42 00:01:56,360 --> 00:01:58,640 Thanksgiving in a strip club. Who's in? 43 00:01:58,920 --> 00:02:02,040 The Lusty Leopard has a surprisingly good Thanksgiving buffet. 44 00:02:02,120 --> 00:02:03,160 Plus they do this thing: 45 00:02:03,240 --> 00:02:04,840 Heather dresses up as a pilgrim, 46 00:02:04,920 --> 00:02:06,760 and Misty dresses up as an Indian, 47 00:02:06,840 --> 00:02:09,080 and they share a meal together. 48 00:02:09,160 --> 00:02:10,880 Oh, Barney. 49 00:02:11,040 --> 00:02:13,800 I'm sorry... Native American. 50 00:02:14,800 --> 00:02:17,640 I think I'm going to a homeless shelter, serve food. 51 00:02:17,720 --> 00:02:18,720 That's awesome! 52 00:02:18,800 --> 00:02:22,480 Yeah, I though I'd just spend the day giving back, you know? Doing some good. 53 00:02:22,560 --> 00:02:23,680 Canceling out Barney. 54 00:02:23,760 --> 00:02:24,760 Exactly. 55 00:02:24,880 --> 00:02:26,240 Where are all my underpants! 56 00:02:26,320 --> 00:02:27,360 Did you check your suitcase? 57 00:02:29,720 --> 00:02:30,680 Let's go! 58 00:02:31,080 --> 00:02:32,560 And go they went... 59 00:02:32,720 --> 00:02:35,680 all the way to St. Cloud, Minnesota, Marshall's hometown. 60 00:02:36,200 --> 00:02:39,120 And as Lily stepped into her fiancé's boyhood home, 61 00:02:39,200 --> 00:02:40,720 she received a big welcome. 62 00:02:40,880 --> 00:02:42,600 Hello, we're home! 63 00:02:42,680 --> 00:02:44,640 Hello... hey... 64 00:02:45,280 --> 00:02:46,720 A very big welcome. 65 00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:50,840 You see, at six-foot-four, Marshall was the runt of the Eriksen clan. 66 00:02:53,600 --> 00:02:56,520 Wow, I forgot how tall you guys are. 67 00:02:57,000 --> 00:02:58,480 Where's my almost daughter-in-law? 68 00:02:58,560 --> 00:02:59,560 Here I am! 69 00:03:02,320 --> 00:03:05,200 Oh, you got yourself a great little bride here, son. 70 00:03:05,600 --> 00:03:06,480 All right, now. 71 00:03:06,640 --> 00:03:07,920 No fartin' around! 72 00:03:08,000 --> 00:03:11,120 Put your skates and your pads on, boys! Game on in five minutes! 73 00:03:11,200 --> 00:03:12,200 Yeah, all right. 74 00:03:12,280 --> 00:03:13,600 Oh, you're gonna play hockey? 75 00:03:14,520 --> 00:03:16,040 With a basketball? 76 00:03:16,080 --> 00:03:17,840 Well, it's sort of a combination of the two. 77 00:03:17,960 --> 00:03:19,400 We call it bask-ice-ball. 78 00:03:19,720 --> 00:03:20,640 We invented it. 79 00:03:20,720 --> 00:03:23,160 It's the most dangerous and awesome sport in the world. 80 00:03:23,240 --> 00:03:24,880 Bask-ice-ball? 81 00:03:24,960 --> 00:03:26,760 Not ice-ketball? 82 00:03:26,840 --> 00:03:29,040 Ice-ketball? 83 00:03:29,360 --> 00:03:30,720 That just sounds weird. 84 00:03:31,680 --> 00:03:33,640 It's bask-ice-ball, okay? 85 00:03:33,720 --> 00:03:34,800 And I'm the best. 86 00:03:34,960 --> 00:03:35,960 You wish. 87 00:03:36,360 --> 00:03:39,440 Well, maybe that's just 'cause you haven't seen me play. 88 00:03:39,520 --> 00:03:42,040 Oh... I don't know, honey. 89 00:03:42,120 --> 00:03:43,600 It's not really a sport for a girl. 90 00:03:43,680 --> 00:03:46,560 Well, that's funny, because your brother throws like a girl. 91 00:03:49,120 --> 00:03:50,280 Marcus! 92 00:03:51,640 --> 00:03:52,680 This is going to be great. 93 00:03:52,720 --> 00:03:54,920 I know. I'm so psyched we did this. 94 00:03:55,000 --> 00:03:58,640 Look at all these people, giving up their Thanksgiving to help their fellow man. 95 00:03:58,760 --> 00:04:00,520 These have got to be the best people in New York. 96 00:04:00,600 --> 00:04:03,400 ...to Grandmother's house... 'Scuse me, guys. Coming through. 97 00:04:04,560 --> 00:04:05,400 Barney? 98 00:04:05,680 --> 00:04:07,040 Well, hi guys. 99 00:04:07,240 --> 00:04:08,440 What are you doing here? 100 00:04:08,560 --> 00:04:10,520 Oh, just the Lord's work. 101 00:04:11,240 --> 00:04:12,840 But you're Satan. 102 00:04:12,960 --> 00:04:16,680 Guys, okay, look. I don't advertise it, but I volunteer here. 103 00:04:16,760 --> 00:04:19,280 I think it's important to help the less fortunate. 104 00:04:19,360 --> 00:04:22,120 I'm the Angelina Jolie of incredibly hot guys. 105 00:04:23,000 --> 00:04:24,480 This is a joke, right? 106 00:04:24,520 --> 00:04:25,760 You don't actually volunteer here. 107 00:04:25,840 --> 00:04:28,840 Barney, we need you out front. There's a logjam on the stuffing line. 108 00:04:28,880 --> 00:04:29,680 Can you show them how it's done? 109 00:04:29,760 --> 00:04:30,680 I'm on it. 110 00:04:30,960 --> 00:04:33,000 Wait, so this is real? Barney does this? 111 00:04:33,080 --> 00:04:34,560 Every Sunday, all year long. 112 00:04:34,640 --> 00:04:35,720 He's our best volunteer. 113 00:04:35,800 --> 00:04:37,240 That's 'cause I was trained by the best, Kendall. 114 00:04:38,240 --> 00:04:40,560 Anyway, we're psyched to be here, Kendall. 115 00:04:40,600 --> 00:04:41,440 What do you need us to do? 116 00:04:41,520 --> 00:04:43,640 Uh, go home. We're full. 117 00:04:43,720 --> 00:04:44,440 What? 118 00:04:44,560 --> 00:04:46,360 We're volunteers. We're unpaid help. 119 00:04:46,440 --> 00:04:48,320 Can you ever really have enough unpaid help? 120 00:04:48,440 --> 00:04:50,480 On the biggest volunteer day of the year? 121 00:04:50,560 --> 00:04:52,040 Yeah, you can. 122 00:04:52,120 --> 00:04:53,440 Come on, we just want to help out. 123 00:04:53,520 --> 00:04:55,360 Kendall, they're cool. 124 00:04:56,280 --> 00:04:58,480 Fine, but I'm not promising anything. 125 00:04:58,560 --> 00:05:00,760 Wait here-- we'll let you know if we need you. 126 00:05:02,400 --> 00:05:05,160 Okay, well, I'd better get back out there. There's a lot of food to give out. 127 00:05:05,560 --> 00:05:06,800 And a lot of smiles. 128 00:05:09,640 --> 00:05:12,320 Oh, I almost forgot. 129 00:05:12,480 --> 00:05:18,440 I know it's early, but... you are a future Mrs. Eriksen. 130 00:05:19,400 --> 00:05:20,760 Thank you! 131 00:05:20,880 --> 00:05:24,760 Well, it'll go great with my, uh... I just love it. 132 00:05:25,960 --> 00:05:28,160 Okay, Lily, we're putting you on salad duty. 133 00:05:28,280 --> 00:05:34,120 Oh, I make this great frisee and endive salad with a coriander-lime vinaigrette. 134 00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:36,960 But this is an American holiday. 135 00:05:37,800 --> 00:05:41,480 Lily, now that you're going to be a Mrs. Eriksen, 136 00:05:41,600 --> 00:05:45,120 I'm going to let you in on a secret recipe: 137 00:05:45,400 --> 00:05:49,040 the Eriksen family seven-layer salad. 138 00:05:49,840 --> 00:05:51,800 Seven-layer salad? 139 00:05:53,680 --> 00:05:56,680 "Six cups of mayonnaise"? That can't be right. 140 00:05:56,760 --> 00:05:58,640 Oh, no, dear. 16 cups. 141 00:05:59,600 --> 00:06:00,880 Mayo's in that cabinet. 142 00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:05,000 Oh, my God. 143 00:06:05,120 --> 00:06:07,800 There is some serious bask-ice-ball going on out there. 144 00:06:07,880 --> 00:06:10,000 Dad totally nailed Marcus in the face with a snowball, 145 00:06:10,040 --> 00:06:12,400 which is a foul, 'cause you only get one snowball per possession, 146 00:06:12,480 --> 00:06:15,720 so I nailed him in the shin with my skate and I totally dunked it! 147 00:06:15,960 --> 00:06:18,680 Yeah, you were sittin' pretty till I whacked you with that mallet. 148 00:06:18,760 --> 00:06:19,720 Hey, gorgeous. 149 00:06:20,640 --> 00:06:21,880 You having fun? 150 00:06:22,040 --> 00:06:24,400 Yeah, but... but I kind of miss you. 151 00:06:24,440 --> 00:06:26,200 Could you stay in here for a little bit? 152 00:06:26,280 --> 00:06:28,160 Yeah, yeah, yeah, no problem. It's halftime. 153 00:06:28,280 --> 00:06:31,080 Oh, halftime's over! Get your butts out here! Come on. 154 00:06:31,200 --> 00:06:34,360 And I hope you like the taste of skate, dorko! 155 00:06:35,840 --> 00:06:36,800 Go. 156 00:06:37,240 --> 00:06:38,560 Thanks, baby. 157 00:06:38,880 --> 00:06:41,000 Aw, isn't this great? 158 00:06:41,080 --> 00:06:43,960 Can't you see why everyone from my high school stays in this town? 159 00:06:44,480 --> 00:06:47,640 Hey, Marvin, you're the dorko, dorko. 160 00:06:52,760 --> 00:06:54,640 Man, it's amazing out there. 161 00:06:54,720 --> 00:06:57,840 I've done so much good today, I've got like a soul boner. 162 00:06:59,040 --> 00:07:01,520 Man, he way the faces of the less fortunate light up 163 00:07:01,560 --> 00:07:04,880 when you give them a hot, nutritious meal. Is there a better feeling on Earth? 164 00:07:04,960 --> 00:07:08,440 Yesterday you said the best feeling on Earth was getting your toes sucked. 165 00:07:08,520 --> 00:07:11,840 Then you requested a high-five with your foot. 166 00:07:12,800 --> 00:07:17,040 Hey, Barn, what do you say you let us sub in for you, scoop stuffing for a little bit? 167 00:07:17,280 --> 00:07:19,280 You want to scoop stuffing your first day out? 168 00:07:19,360 --> 00:07:21,880 Hello? NFL? Can I be quarterback this Sunday? 169 00:07:21,960 --> 00:07:22,600 Dude. 170 00:07:25,760 --> 00:07:29,840 Okay, I finished the gummi bear layer of the... salad. 171 00:07:29,920 --> 00:07:30,880 What's next? 172 00:07:31,840 --> 00:07:33,920 Potato chips. Of course. 173 00:07:34,040 --> 00:07:37,560 So, Lily... when are you gonna start thinking about having a baby? 174 00:07:38,200 --> 00:07:39,080 Baby? 175 00:07:39,160 --> 00:07:42,440 Uh, you know, I hadn't really thought about it. 176 00:07:42,520 --> 00:07:43,440 At all. 177 00:07:43,640 --> 00:07:45,240 Actually, Aunt Lily was lying. 178 00:07:45,320 --> 00:07:46,880 It was all she'd been thinking about. 179 00:07:46,960 --> 00:07:48,600 You see, remember when she said... 180 00:07:48,800 --> 00:07:50,840 Well, I just ralphed... 181 00:07:51,120 --> 00:07:53,480 At that point, she was five days late. 182 00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:55,160 This was day six. 183 00:07:56,000 --> 00:07:59,000 Yeah, I mean, I'm way too young to have a baby, right? 184 00:07:59,040 --> 00:08:00,440 Oh, are you kidding? 185 00:08:00,520 --> 00:08:02,320 I was younger than you when I had Marcus. 186 00:08:02,400 --> 00:08:04,880 Beautiful 15-pound boy. 187 00:08:05,400 --> 00:08:07,640 Not much bigger than this turkey right here. 188 00:08:11,840 --> 00:08:13,160 Oh, my. 189 00:08:16,440 --> 00:08:19,880 Now, if Lily was already uneasy about joining the Eriksen family, 190 00:08:19,960 --> 00:08:25,000 imagine how she felt about possibly having a 15-pound Eriksen growing inside of her. 191 00:08:25,360 --> 00:08:27,800 That's a big baby, Judy. 192 00:08:27,920 --> 00:08:29,640 The doctor thought he was twins. 193 00:08:30,120 --> 00:08:31,080 Twins! 194 00:08:32,240 --> 00:08:33,600 Twins! 195 00:08:36,640 --> 00:08:39,680 This is crazy! When did it get so hard to do charity work? 196 00:08:39,760 --> 00:08:41,400 I do charity work all the time. 197 00:08:41,480 --> 00:08:43,200 Remember when I said I'd find you a girlfriend? 198 00:08:43,640 --> 00:08:44,880 Delightful. 199 00:08:45,040 --> 00:08:46,680 How's that little project coming along anyway? 200 00:08:46,760 --> 00:08:47,680 I'm working on it. 201 00:08:47,760 --> 00:08:50,360 I'm gonna introduce you to that girl you've been staring at. 202 00:08:50,440 --> 00:08:52,360 What? That's crazy, I haven't been staring at any girl... 203 00:08:52,440 --> 00:08:53,640 Have you met Ted? 204 00:08:54,240 --> 00:08:56,400 Hi. I'm the afore mentioned Ted. 205 00:08:56,480 --> 00:08:58,440 And this is... um, gone. 206 00:08:58,840 --> 00:08:59,760 I'm Amanda. 207 00:08:59,840 --> 00:09:00,440 Hi. 208 00:09:00,520 --> 00:09:02,120 So, uh, what do you do here, Ted? 209 00:09:02,200 --> 00:09:05,360 Well, I've been... um, nothing. I do nothing. 210 00:09:06,400 --> 00:09:07,560 Well, if you want to do something, 211 00:09:07,640 --> 00:09:09,760 you and your girlfriend can help sort through these donations. 212 00:09:09,840 --> 00:09:11,920 Oh, um, I'm not his girlfriend. 213 00:09:12,000 --> 00:09:16,680 I used to be, but, um, I just wasn't enough woman for Ted emotionally 214 00:09:16,760 --> 00:09:18,360 or sexually. 215 00:09:18,600 --> 00:09:19,960 Oh, my God. 216 00:09:20,280 --> 00:09:22,440 So, Amanda... 217 00:09:22,840 --> 00:09:24,480 What do you need us to do? 218 00:09:24,680 --> 00:09:25,840 Okay, this is important. 219 00:09:25,920 --> 00:09:27,800 Go through all these boxes of food donations, 220 00:09:27,880 --> 00:09:30,280 take out the really good stuff, and put it into this box. 221 00:09:30,360 --> 00:09:31,040 Got it. 222 00:09:31,120 --> 00:09:32,480 Consider it sorted. 223 00:09:33,720 --> 00:09:34,600 Hey, we're in business. 224 00:09:34,680 --> 00:09:37,000 Hey, Barney's not gonna get all the glory today. 225 00:09:41,360 --> 00:09:42,320 Let's start with this one. 226 00:09:42,400 --> 00:09:43,240 Yeah. 227 00:09:44,520 --> 00:09:45,200 Amen. 228 00:09:45,480 --> 00:09:46,560 Amen. 229 00:09:47,200 --> 00:09:49,280 Look who came to say good night. 230 00:09:49,400 --> 00:09:50,640 It's little Martin. 231 00:09:50,800 --> 00:09:52,360 Three months old. 232 00:09:52,560 --> 00:09:53,640 Months? 233 00:09:53,800 --> 00:09:54,920 Three months. 234 00:09:55,000 --> 00:09:56,400 He's been drinking his milk. 235 00:10:00,480 --> 00:10:02,560 And she's already pregnant again? 236 00:10:02,680 --> 00:10:05,680 Well, that's 'cause those Eriksen boys' boys can swim. 237 00:10:05,760 --> 00:10:08,320 They've got two tails and a drill bit for a head. 238 00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:11,200 Dad, you're embarrassing me! 239 00:10:11,280 --> 00:10:13,480 Oh, don't worry about it, son, she's cool. 240 00:10:13,560 --> 00:10:15,200 She's going to be an Eriksen. 241 00:10:15,320 --> 00:10:19,640 Yeah. well, well, not literally, 'cause, you know, I'm keeping my name. 242 00:10:20,440 --> 00:10:23,000 But... the apron. 243 00:10:25,360 --> 00:10:27,960 Well, we haven't actually decided anything yet, so we're... 244 00:10:28,040 --> 00:10:31,440 No, I've decided and I'm keeping my own name. 245 00:10:31,560 --> 00:10:34,800 But Eriksen is a great last name. 246 00:10:35,080 --> 00:10:37,240 People know the Eriksens. 247 00:10:38,600 --> 00:10:43,840 Well, sure, in St. Cloud, but our kids aren't going to be growing up in St. Cloud. 248 00:10:43,920 --> 00:10:45,240 Right, baby? 249 00:10:47,560 --> 00:10:49,520 Well, why not St. Cloud? 250 00:10:49,600 --> 00:10:51,120 I mean, I loved growing up in St. Cloud. 251 00:10:51,240 --> 00:10:53,600 St. Cloud is a great place to have a childhood. 252 00:10:53,720 --> 00:10:55,520 Well, so is New York. 253 00:10:58,080 --> 00:11:00,560 What? It is. And we grew up just fine. 254 00:11:00,640 --> 00:11:03,720 And we grew to the proper size and then we stopped. 255 00:11:09,960 --> 00:11:11,360 Hey, Amanda, what's this box for? 256 00:11:11,480 --> 00:11:12,320 Oh, that's for me. 257 00:11:12,440 --> 00:11:13,680 You can put it in my car. 258 00:11:14,160 --> 00:11:16,800 In your car, um, and then you'll take it...? 259 00:11:16,880 --> 00:11:20,240 Home. Yeah, we get so much extra food, no one can eat it all. 260 00:11:20,400 --> 00:11:23,920 Ooh, truffle oil. Score! 261 00:11:25,240 --> 00:11:27,680 People donated this food thinking it was going to feed the hungry. 262 00:11:27,760 --> 00:11:28,640 I know. 263 00:11:28,760 --> 00:11:30,520 And I'm starving. 264 00:11:33,520 --> 00:11:35,800 But, Marshall, you love New York. 265 00:11:35,880 --> 00:11:37,520 Yes, I do, 266 00:11:37,600 --> 00:11:40,720 but you always said that when we have kids, you wanted to move out of Manhattan. 267 00:11:40,800 --> 00:11:42,400 Yeah, to Brooklyn. 268 00:11:43,520 --> 00:11:47,360 Why are we even talking about this? This is like way down the road. 269 00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:51,640 But Lily knew "way down the road" might not be so far down the road. 270 00:11:52,520 --> 00:11:54,520 I need to go to the restroom. 271 00:11:54,680 --> 00:11:56,280 Lily, the restroom's the other way. 272 00:11:56,360 --> 00:11:58,520 So she literally headed down the road. 273 00:11:58,840 --> 00:11:59,880 Lily?! 274 00:12:00,840 --> 00:12:01,920 Lily! 275 00:12:05,200 --> 00:12:08,080 So wait, not only have you not done any good for anyone today, 276 00:12:08,120 --> 00:12:10,880 you're actually helping someone steal from the homeless? 277 00:12:10,920 --> 00:12:15,000 You know, Ted, it's called Thanksgiving, not Thankstaking Damn. 278 00:12:15,760 --> 00:12:17,920 Barney, you needed me to sign your time sheet, right? 279 00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:20,280 Oh, yeah, right. Thanks. 280 00:12:20,520 --> 00:12:21,440 Barney. 281 00:12:21,640 --> 00:12:22,640 Yeah, what's up? 282 00:12:22,760 --> 00:12:24,120 You have a time sheet? 283 00:12:24,200 --> 00:12:25,720 No one else has a time sheet. 284 00:12:25,840 --> 00:12:26,600 Yeah. So? 285 00:12:26,720 --> 00:12:27,440 All right, let me see that. 286 00:12:27,520 --> 00:12:29,680 That's my private, personal business! 287 00:12:29,760 --> 00:12:32,360 Court-mandated community service? 288 00:12:32,440 --> 00:12:34,480 Oh my God, you're on probation? 289 00:12:34,560 --> 00:12:35,880 What did you do? 290 00:12:36,480 --> 00:12:38,760 That's my private, personal business. 291 00:12:45,160 --> 00:12:49,640 I was unfairly punished because the wall belonged to the judge's church. 292 00:12:49,880 --> 00:12:51,760 You peed on a church? 293 00:12:51,880 --> 00:12:54,440 I peed in an alley, which happened to have a church, 294 00:12:54,520 --> 00:12:57,160 which I did not see because I was drunk. 295 00:12:57,400 --> 00:12:59,880 Oh, you are evil. 296 00:12:59,960 --> 00:13:02,360 Ah, all's right with the world again. 297 00:13:02,480 --> 00:13:04,960 Okay, fine, so a judge is making me do this. 298 00:13:05,040 --> 00:13:06,520 But I'm still doing it. 299 00:13:06,600 --> 00:13:09,720 And kicking ass at it, BTW. 300 00:13:10,680 --> 00:13:12,880 When's the last time either of you did something good, huh? 301 00:13:16,720 --> 00:13:18,640 Kendall. Ah, Kendall. 302 00:13:18,800 --> 00:13:22,920 Amanda is stealing portabello mushrooms from homeless people. 303 00:13:23,720 --> 00:13:25,320 Amanda. 304 00:13:25,480 --> 00:13:28,200 I called dibs on the portabello mushrooms. 305 00:13:29,000 --> 00:13:30,280 Those are for the hungry. 306 00:13:30,400 --> 00:13:31,320 I know. 307 00:13:31,440 --> 00:13:32,960 And I'm starving. 308 00:13:38,560 --> 00:13:40,160 Those are good mushrooms. 309 00:13:40,240 --> 00:13:41,480 Mushrooms. Mushrooms. 310 00:13:41,600 --> 00:13:42,880 Portabello mushrooms for everyone. 311 00:13:43,040 --> 00:13:44,720 Take them and run! 312 00:13:45,000 --> 00:13:46,240 They're very expensive. 313 00:13:50,800 --> 00:13:52,240 Happy Thanksgiving. 314 00:13:52,400 --> 00:13:54,160 "Happy Thanksgiving." Huh. 315 00:13:54,240 --> 00:13:56,720 As in "check out the chick buying the knockup test, everybody. 316 00:13:56,800 --> 00:13:58,640 Wonder what must be going through her head? 317 00:13:58,680 --> 00:14:02,600 Yeah, well, since you asked, a family of mayonnaise-guzzling giants 318 00:14:02,640 --> 00:14:05,480 is trying to suck me into their suburban nightmare, 319 00:14:05,560 --> 00:14:07,880 and there's a solid chance that I have an Eriksen 320 00:14:07,960 --> 00:14:11,960 the size of a 15-pound turkey growing inside of me! 321 00:14:13,040 --> 00:14:14,520 Oh, you know the Eriksens? 322 00:14:14,600 --> 00:14:16,120 You're Marshall's fiancée. 323 00:14:16,840 --> 00:14:18,000 Fantastic. 324 00:14:18,080 --> 00:14:19,400 So nice to meet you. 325 00:14:19,520 --> 00:14:21,320 You are taller than described. 326 00:14:22,880 --> 00:14:25,440 Look, I'm sorry I just yelled at you. 327 00:14:25,640 --> 00:14:27,320 You mind if I use your bathroom? 328 00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:28,640 Don't have one. 329 00:14:28,720 --> 00:14:29,920 What do you do when you have to...? 330 00:14:30,000 --> 00:14:31,080 I hold it. 331 00:14:37,840 --> 00:14:40,160 You can't fire a volunteer. 332 00:14:40,240 --> 00:14:41,680 Apparently you can. 333 00:14:41,760 --> 00:14:44,680 And his two non-mushroom-throwing friends. 334 00:14:45,040 --> 00:14:48,000 I can't believe I told Kendall you guys were cool. 335 00:14:48,080 --> 00:14:50,560 I have 40 hours left on my community service 336 00:14:50,640 --> 00:14:54,520 and now I've gotta spend it spearing trash on a freakin' median strip. 337 00:14:55,880 --> 00:14:59,520 Volunteer of the year! 338 00:14:59,800 --> 00:15:01,680 I'm sorry. I'm sorry, okay? 339 00:15:01,760 --> 00:15:05,360 Look, if there's anything I can do to make it up to you just tell me. I'll-I'll do it. 340 00:15:05,440 --> 00:15:06,400 Ted, I'm glad you asked. 341 00:15:06,440 --> 00:15:09,400 ♪ Domo arrigato, Mr. Roboto ♪ 342 00:15:09,480 --> 00:15:12,480 ♪ Domo... domo ♪ 343 00:15:12,640 --> 00:15:15,760 ♪ Domo arrigato, Mr. Roboto ♪ 344 00:15:15,880 --> 00:15:16,600 Surprisingly good. 345 00:15:16,680 --> 00:15:18,400 Right? I told you so. 346 00:15:18,600 --> 00:15:21,960 Public urination. Who gets arrested for public urination? 347 00:15:22,480 --> 00:15:23,800 Lily's been arrested. 348 00:15:23,840 --> 00:15:25,720 Oh, dear. What for? 349 00:15:27,000 --> 00:15:28,440 Public urination. 350 00:15:35,400 --> 00:15:36,120 Thanks, Pete. 351 00:15:36,200 --> 00:15:37,360 No problemo, Marsh. 352 00:15:39,440 --> 00:15:40,520 You all right? 353 00:15:40,720 --> 00:15:41,720 No. 354 00:15:41,920 --> 00:15:44,560 I embarrassed myself in front of your family, 355 00:15:44,600 --> 00:15:48,880 and now I'm celebrating Thanksgiving in probably the most depressing place ever. 356 00:15:48,960 --> 00:15:51,840 ♪ Domo arrigato, Mr. Roboto ♪ 357 00:15:53,040 --> 00:15:54,880 Well, I'm glad that you're safe. 358 00:15:55,120 --> 00:15:56,080 Hey, weird question. 359 00:15:56,160 --> 00:16:00,240 Why did you drive three miles down Route 23 and take a pee behind a convenience store? 360 00:16:00,360 --> 00:16:02,240 Okay, I'll tell you, but before I do, 361 00:16:02,320 --> 00:16:05,800 promise me that we are not gonna move to St. Cloud, Minnesota. Promise. 362 00:16:05,880 --> 00:16:07,920 I'm not suggesting that we move here tomorrow, I'm just... 363 00:16:08,040 --> 00:16:09,080 Promise. 364 00:16:09,160 --> 00:16:10,600 Why do you want me to promise you that? 365 00:16:10,680 --> 00:16:12,280 Because. I don't fit in here. 366 00:16:12,400 --> 00:16:17,080 I'm not eight feet tall, and I don't think you could call it a salad if it has Funyuns in it. 367 00:16:17,600 --> 00:16:19,080 I'm Funyuns. 368 00:16:19,320 --> 00:16:21,120 And mayonnaise and gummi bears 369 00:16:21,200 --> 00:16:23,640 and bask-ice-ball, and I love St. Cloud. 370 00:16:23,720 --> 00:16:26,360 And, yes, there is a part of me that would like to move here someday, 371 00:16:26,440 --> 00:16:30,680 and why are we having this discussion in a jail cell on Thanksgiving? 372 00:16:31,160 --> 00:16:33,360 Okay, personal effects. 373 00:16:33,480 --> 00:16:35,800 One wallet. One cell phone. 374 00:16:36,200 --> 00:16:38,760 One... pregnancy test. 375 00:16:45,240 --> 00:16:47,920 Pete arrested me before I could look at it. 376 00:16:55,240 --> 00:16:56,400 Whoa. 377 00:16:56,880 --> 00:16:57,880 Yeah. 378 00:16:59,080 --> 00:17:01,640 Lily, we can't let our kids play bask-ice-ball. 379 00:17:01,800 --> 00:17:05,000 Bask-ice-ball is really dangerous. 380 00:17:05,480 --> 00:17:07,400 Yeah, what are the rules to that game, anyway? 381 00:17:07,480 --> 00:17:10,160 There are no rules. We just wail on each other. 382 00:17:14,840 --> 00:17:18,000 Look, I don't want to be exactly like my family. 383 00:17:19,200 --> 00:17:21,080 And don't take this the wrong way, 384 00:17:22,080 --> 00:17:25,240 but I don't want to be exactly like your family either. 385 00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:28,680 We'll be our own family. 386 00:17:28,840 --> 00:17:34,360 And we'll find our own way to freak out the people our kids bring home. 387 00:17:36,840 --> 00:17:38,480 Great, now I'm crying. 388 00:17:39,080 --> 00:17:39,880 Look. 389 00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:44,480 We may have some really big decisions to make in about ten seconds. 390 00:17:45,000 --> 00:17:47,440 But right now, I don't care where our kids grow up. 391 00:17:47,560 --> 00:17:49,920 As long as they have you for a father. 392 00:17:53,520 --> 00:17:55,560 Gosh, I hope you're the father. 393 00:17:55,800 --> 00:17:58,800 Just a little joke to lighten up the mood. 394 00:18:03,320 --> 00:18:04,800 What does it say? 395 00:18:05,880 --> 00:18:07,360 I'm afraid to look. 396 00:18:07,680 --> 00:18:09,040 It's negative! 397 00:18:09,880 --> 00:18:10,800 Oh, thank God. 398 00:18:10,880 --> 00:18:12,040 Oh, thank God. 399 00:18:13,280 --> 00:18:14,480 And, hey! 400 00:18:17,080 --> 00:18:19,760 Ted. Are you listening? 401 00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:21,720 You're a good guy. 402 00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:23,880 Want to know why I have to work tomorrow? 403 00:18:23,960 --> 00:18:27,120 My firm's designing an executive lounge for a tobacco company. 404 00:18:27,200 --> 00:18:30,680 In the fight against cancer, I'm on the side of cancer. 405 00:18:30,800 --> 00:18:32,720 Okay, Ted, I found a way for you to help someone. 406 00:18:32,800 --> 00:18:33,640 To do some good. 407 00:18:33,720 --> 00:18:34,760 This is Walter. 408 00:18:34,840 --> 00:18:36,120 Walter is homeless. 409 00:18:36,200 --> 00:18:38,080 And Walter would like a lap dance. 410 00:18:38,640 --> 00:18:39,800 Are you joking? 411 00:18:39,920 --> 00:18:43,760 I never joke about the sublime art of burlesque entertainment. 412 00:18:44,400 --> 00:18:46,200 No, Barney, that's insane. 413 00:18:46,280 --> 00:18:48,960 Sir, would you like me to buy you a ticket to the buffet? 414 00:18:49,640 --> 00:18:52,640 No, I'm stuffed. Just a lap dance will be fine. 415 00:18:53,320 --> 00:18:55,280 Ted, Walter's been to three shelter dinners. 416 00:18:55,320 --> 00:18:56,440 You know where he hasn't been? 417 00:18:56,520 --> 00:18:58,760 To heaven with Samantha. 418 00:19:00,560 --> 00:19:03,680 Look, it's the one chance you've had all day to help someone in need. 419 00:19:03,760 --> 00:19:05,880 Now, buy this man a lap dance. 420 00:19:06,760 --> 00:19:09,480 You said you wanted to see the look of joy in someone's eyes. 421 00:19:10,160 --> 00:19:13,240 You know, I don't think I'm going to watch. 422 00:19:14,360 --> 00:19:15,800 Here you go, Walter. 423 00:19:16,800 --> 00:19:18,280 Happy Thanksgiving. 424 00:19:19,280 --> 00:19:20,600 Thank you so much. 425 00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:22,640 No, really. Thank you. 426 00:19:26,160 --> 00:19:27,680 Happy Thanksgiving, guys. 427 00:19:30,480 --> 00:19:32,280 Thanksgiving in November. 428 00:19:32,480 --> 00:19:33,360 Weird. 429 00:19:39,680 --> 00:19:42,240 So that was Thanksgiving 2005. 430 00:19:42,320 --> 00:19:44,200 To be honest, it didn't go great. 431 00:19:44,280 --> 00:19:46,200 The life has plenty of good parts. 432 00:19:46,320 --> 00:19:49,920 It's the rough parts that make you thankfull that you have people to share it with. 433 00:20:07,320 --> 00:20:11,080 Hey, I saw what you did for that guy. It was really sweet. 434 00:20:12,360 --> 00:20:14,000 Do you want a dance? 435 00:20:14,040 --> 00:20:15,280 Uh, no, thanks. 436 00:20:15,880 --> 00:20:16,960 Do you want some yams? 437 00:20:17,080 --> 00:20:18,400 No, thanks. 438 00:20:19,200 --> 00:20:20,520 I'm Amber. 439 00:20:20,600 --> 00:20:21,920 I'm Ted. 440 00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:24,920 Actually... I'm Tracy. 441 00:20:25,880 --> 00:20:27,240 Still Ted. 442 00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:30,720 And that, kids, is the true story of how I met your mother. 443 00:20:30,920 --> 00:20:31,760 - What?! - What?! 444 00:20:31,840 --> 00:20:32,760 I'm kidding. 32858

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