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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,380 --> 00:00:16,760 Subtitle edited By iMR aka imxpress 2 00:02:21,350 --> 00:02:23,351 There you go. 3 00:02:25,270 --> 00:02:27,313 That's mine. 4 00:02:27,481 --> 00:02:29,649 Woman: Hey, Tobe! 5 00:02:32,694 --> 00:02:34,737 Oh my God. 6 00:02:34,905 --> 00:02:37,532 Stay right here. Excuse me. 7 00:02:39,117 --> 00:02:41,035 Boy: Stare much? 8 00:02:41,203 --> 00:02:43,830 - Hey, Kenny. - Hey. Can I have a taco dog? 9 00:02:43,997 --> 00:02:47,875 - Yeah, is that it? - And a button buster. 10 00:02:50,045 --> 00:02:52,255 There you go. 11 00:02:55,175 --> 00:02:57,093 Is that your girlfriend? 12 00:02:57,261 --> 00:03:00,513 Not that you'd understand, but Amanda Pak 13 00:03:00,681 --> 00:03:03,891 is so hopelessly dorky 14 00:03:04,059 --> 00:03:08,145 that even a dateless wonder like myself has to draw the line somewhere. 15 00:03:08,313 --> 00:03:10,356 Uh-huh. 16 00:03:10,524 --> 00:03:13,317 $4.50, home slice. 17 00:03:13,485 --> 00:03:16,779 My dad says he'll pay you if you give me a receipt. 18 00:03:17,781 --> 00:03:20,199 He's gonna start deducting me from his taxes. 19 00:03:20,367 --> 00:03:22,952 I think you and your dad deserve each other. 20 00:03:23,120 --> 00:03:26,205 He also told me to ask you for a ride home when you're done. 21 00:03:26,373 --> 00:03:28,374 ('30s music playing) 22 00:03:30,711 --> 00:03:34,422 Radio: ♪ Fish got to swim, birds got to fly ♪ 23 00:03:34,590 --> 00:03:38,134 ♪ I've got to love one man till I die ♪ 24 00:03:38,302 --> 00:03:40,136 (Tobe singing along) ♪ So I can't help ♪ 25 00:03:40,304 --> 00:03:44,223 ♪ Loving that man of mine ♪ 26 00:03:44,391 --> 00:03:46,350 ♪ Diddley-doot-doo-doot-doo... ♪ 27 00:03:46,518 --> 00:03:49,186 - This is gay. - No, classic. 28 00:03:49,354 --> 00:03:51,314 It stood the test of time. 29 00:03:51,481 --> 00:03:53,399 The coolest cars, the '50s. 30 00:03:53,567 --> 00:03:55,151 The best movies, the '70s. 31 00:03:55,319 --> 00:03:58,905 The best songs, the '30s. The golden age of American songwriting. 32 00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:00,823 More like olden age. 33 00:04:00,991 --> 00:04:04,118 Why can't you like normal stuff like everybody else? 34 00:04:05,412 --> 00:04:07,330 (horn honks) 35 00:04:08,415 --> 00:04:10,374 Hey, Tobe. 36 00:04:10,542 --> 00:04:12,168 Oh, hey, Amanda. 37 00:04:12,336 --> 00:04:16,172 - Is that your little brother? - No! 38 00:04:16,340 --> 00:04:19,175 Are you babysitting like me? Cool. 39 00:04:19,343 --> 00:04:21,135 See you at graduation. 40 00:04:21,303 --> 00:04:23,262 Okay, bye-bye. 41 00:04:38,362 --> 00:04:41,030 Hi, Mr. Hulbert. Can I stay here a while? 42 00:04:41,198 --> 00:04:43,282 My mom says I still need adult supervision. 43 00:04:43,450 --> 00:04:46,285 Yeah yeah, sure. I'll supervise you. 44 00:04:46,453 --> 00:04:48,871 - Here, get me another beer. - Sure. 45 00:04:50,499 --> 00:04:52,458 Pop Pop, it's the middle of the day. 46 00:04:52,626 --> 00:04:54,335 I know. 47 00:04:54,503 --> 00:04:56,545 My pants don't seem to fit me anymore. 48 00:04:58,465 --> 00:05:00,883 What, do you want me to be uncomfortable? 49 00:05:03,637 --> 00:05:06,097 Kenny: You get more crap all the time. 50 00:05:06,264 --> 00:05:09,308 - Is it worth any money? - Not yet. 51 00:05:09,476 --> 00:05:13,145 - Go home, Kenny. - What are you watching? 52 00:05:13,313 --> 00:05:16,649 I traded tapes with a guy in LA. Got some old Vitaphone shorts 53 00:05:16,817 --> 00:05:18,776 and a Monica Velour movie for my collection. 54 00:05:18,944 --> 00:05:21,362 - Now go home. - I want to watch. 55 00:05:21,530 --> 00:05:24,323 Just tell me when the gross stuff is gonna happen. 56 00:05:26,076 --> 00:05:29,078 (disco music playing) 57 00:05:31,081 --> 00:05:33,499 This movie is totally rare. 58 00:05:33,667 --> 00:05:36,836 Everything today is just shot on video, 59 00:05:37,004 --> 00:05:39,380 strippers on Prozac junk. 60 00:05:43,010 --> 00:05:45,720 Hands Solo, I presume. 61 00:05:45,887 --> 00:05:48,514 Consarnit, can't a fella get any privacy around here? 62 00:05:48,682 --> 00:05:51,142 There's no time for that. We need your help. 63 00:05:51,309 --> 00:05:52,309 Who's we? 64 00:05:52,477 --> 00:05:54,812 I'm Princess Layme. 65 00:05:54,980 --> 00:05:57,356 And my companion is Dork Fudgepacker. 66 00:05:57,524 --> 00:05:59,191 Hey. 67 00:05:59,359 --> 00:06:02,028 The star of this movie is Monica Velour. 68 00:06:02,195 --> 00:06:04,655 I have almost all of her movies. 69 00:06:04,823 --> 00:06:07,033 She was the most respected, 70 00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:09,660 biggest, classic X film star. 71 00:06:09,828 --> 00:06:10,911 (alarm sounding) 72 00:06:11,079 --> 00:06:13,539 Hands Solo: We're being pulled in by the Muff Star's tractor beam. 73 00:06:17,878 --> 00:06:19,378 (grumbling) 74 00:06:19,546 --> 00:06:22,298 Cocktroopers. Get down. 75 00:06:23,759 --> 00:06:25,217 Tobe: Look at her. 76 00:06:25,385 --> 00:06:27,970 She's sweet, beautiful, 77 00:06:28,138 --> 00:06:31,390 totally sexy, confident. 78 00:06:31,558 --> 00:06:32,725 (groans) 79 00:06:37,731 --> 00:06:40,524 Kenny: You're crazy. This movie sucks. 80 00:06:41,526 --> 00:06:43,277 You know dick. 81 00:06:43,445 --> 00:06:46,530 Now go home. There's a gross part coming up. 82 00:06:46,698 --> 00:06:48,949 Bye, Tobe. 83 00:06:49,117 --> 00:06:51,285 (crowd cheering) 84 00:06:52,454 --> 00:06:55,414 It's been said that the future belongs to the young. 85 00:06:55,582 --> 00:06:58,834 And to that I have only one response: 86 00:06:59,002 --> 00:07:00,878 God help us all. 87 00:07:01,046 --> 00:07:02,755 (cheering) 88 00:07:02,923 --> 00:07:05,424 But seriously, before you the young 89 00:07:05,592 --> 00:07:09,762 can have the future, you'll have to spend the next 20 or so years 90 00:07:09,930 --> 00:07:12,932 working for us the old. 91 00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:14,558 (crowd laughs) 92 00:07:14,726 --> 00:07:18,938 Because you're not ready for the keys to life's car just yet. 93 00:07:19,106 --> 00:07:21,607 (cheering) 94 00:07:26,113 --> 00:07:28,614 Man: Here we go, nice smile. 95 00:07:28,782 --> 00:07:31,992 Great. Let's get some picture with your friends. 96 00:07:32,160 --> 00:07:34,578 Um... 97 00:07:35,705 --> 00:07:37,498 Smile, please. 98 00:07:37,666 --> 00:07:39,583 The button's on top. 99 00:07:39,751 --> 00:07:41,585 I know where the button is. 100 00:07:41,753 --> 00:07:43,879 - (camera clicks) - Can we go now? 101 00:07:44,047 --> 00:07:45,756 No no, one more. One more. 102 00:07:45,924 --> 00:07:48,384 Oh, look. Look at the bear. 103 00:07:48,552 --> 00:07:51,303 You stand here. 104 00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:53,264 Great. (laughs) 105 00:07:53,431 --> 00:07:55,683 This will make a great holiday picture. 106 00:07:55,851 --> 00:07:57,685 (camera clicks) 107 00:07:57,853 --> 00:07:59,979 Well, it clicked. It did something. 108 00:08:01,606 --> 00:08:04,984 That's it. That's it. That's it. Huh? Good. 109 00:08:05,152 --> 00:08:07,111 - (rap music playing) - (cheering) 110 00:08:09,072 --> 00:08:11,448 Man: Empty. 111 00:08:11,616 --> 00:08:13,617 Oh, sorry, dude. 112 00:08:14,619 --> 00:08:16,996 Hurry up. On my God. 113 00:08:20,625 --> 00:08:23,669 (chanting) Chug chug chug chug chug. 114 00:08:23,837 --> 00:08:25,838 (cheering) 115 00:08:28,466 --> 00:08:32,303 - Hey, Perbert. - Even Perbert wants a peek. 116 00:08:33,638 --> 00:08:35,389 Tobe: What are you guys looking at? 117 00:08:35,557 --> 00:08:36,974 Live from Amanda Pak's, 118 00:08:37,142 --> 00:08:39,602 it's Saturday night. 119 00:08:46,401 --> 00:08:49,028 Tobe: Hitachi Magic Wand. 120 00:08:50,447 --> 00:08:52,281 The Cadillac of vibrators. 121 00:08:52,449 --> 00:08:54,116 No batteries, you just plug it in. 122 00:08:54,284 --> 00:08:56,952 Annie Sprinkle's all-time favorite. 123 00:09:01,833 --> 00:09:03,542 Russ Meyer? 124 00:09:03,710 --> 00:09:06,003 - No way. - (coughs) Yeah way. 125 00:09:11,301 --> 00:09:14,887 People who jerk off to porn are just creepy. 126 00:09:19,309 --> 00:09:22,561 Well, she's not gonna get laid just sitting in her room. 127 00:09:23,563 --> 00:09:25,564 ('30 music playing) 128 00:09:28,818 --> 00:09:31,904 ♪ There's a great big mystery ♪ 129 00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:34,573 ♪ And it sure is worrying me ♪ 130 00:09:34,741 --> 00:09:39,745 ♪ This diddie wa diddie ♪ 131 00:09:39,913 --> 00:09:43,832 ♪ I wish somebody would tell me what diddie wa diddie means. ♪ 132 00:09:50,590 --> 00:09:52,299 (alarm buzzing) 133 00:09:52,467 --> 00:09:54,260 Pop Pop: Rise and shine, boy. 134 00:09:54,427 --> 00:09:57,638 Wakey wakey eggs and bacey. 135 00:10:15,073 --> 00:10:16,865 Cheer up, I've got a surprise for you. 136 00:10:17,033 --> 00:10:18,826 Give it to me later. 137 00:10:18,994 --> 00:10:21,412 How about I give it to somebody else? 138 00:10:21,579 --> 00:10:23,622 Okay, what? 139 00:10:29,004 --> 00:10:30,671 Happy graduation. 140 00:10:32,382 --> 00:10:34,466 Awesome. 141 00:10:34,634 --> 00:10:37,469 Thanks, Pop Pop. The Civic. 142 00:10:37,637 --> 00:10:40,431 Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Give it back. Give it back. 143 00:10:45,603 --> 00:10:47,396 Happy graduation. 144 00:10:48,982 --> 00:10:51,608 What is this? The truck? 145 00:10:51,776 --> 00:10:54,028 It's not a truck. It's a family business. 146 00:10:54,195 --> 00:10:55,654 Why can't I have the Civic? 147 00:10:57,824 --> 00:11:00,075 The Civic is mine. 148 00:11:02,037 --> 00:11:05,748 The truck? What am I supposed to do with the truck? 149 00:11:05,915 --> 00:11:07,541 You got your own business. 150 00:11:07,709 --> 00:11:09,960 People work their whole lives for that. 151 00:11:10,128 --> 00:11:11,462 Be your own boss. 152 00:11:11,629 --> 00:11:15,424 Anywhere you go you have a nice income. 153 00:11:15,592 --> 00:11:17,259 Not for long. 154 00:11:18,428 --> 00:11:21,680 People don't want to eat pig eyes or donkey dicks 155 00:11:21,848 --> 00:11:23,974 or whatever hot dogs are made of anymore. 156 00:11:27,729 --> 00:11:30,064 You're right. You're so goddamn smart, 157 00:11:30,231 --> 00:11:33,442 sell them broccoli burgers or gaysicles 158 00:11:33,610 --> 00:11:35,444 or whatever the hell it is they do eat these days. 159 00:11:35,612 --> 00:11:39,740 How come you couldn't just give me money like everybody else? 160 00:11:40,742 --> 00:11:44,036 It's a good thing your mother's not alive to hear you talk so ungrateful. 161 00:11:44,204 --> 00:11:46,830 Otherwise the both of us would just smack the hell out of you. 162 00:11:48,750 --> 00:11:50,751 I'm going upstairs. 163 00:11:57,842 --> 00:11:59,218 Pop Pop: Tobe. 164 00:12:00,929 --> 00:12:02,888 Tobe! 165 00:12:15,193 --> 00:12:16,652 Thattaboy. 166 00:12:16,820 --> 00:12:18,904 Chip off the old block. 167 00:12:24,744 --> 00:12:27,788 That's nice. That's really nice. 168 00:12:43,763 --> 00:12:46,140 (phone rings) 169 00:12:46,307 --> 00:12:48,016 - Hello. - Man: Hello. 170 00:12:48,184 --> 00:12:50,227 - I'm calling about the Weenie Wiz. - Yeah. 171 00:12:50,395 --> 00:12:53,856 I saw your ad on the web. It's 1970 all original? 172 00:12:54,023 --> 00:12:55,566 Uh, yeah. 173 00:12:55,733 --> 00:12:58,152 And the giant hot dog, what's that built of? 174 00:12:58,319 --> 00:13:01,655 Um, metal. Yeah, metal and paint. 175 00:13:01,823 --> 00:13:04,658 It's a work of art. A thing of mystery meat beauty. 176 00:13:04,826 --> 00:13:06,577 You want to come take a look at it this afternoon? 177 00:13:06,744 --> 00:13:09,163 I'd love to, but I'm in Loogootee. 178 00:13:09,330 --> 00:13:11,206 - What? - Loogootee, Indiana. 179 00:13:11,374 --> 00:13:13,041 The place where corn on the cob comes from. 180 00:13:13,209 --> 00:13:15,043 I saw your post on the web. 181 00:13:15,211 --> 00:13:16,962 Um, well, can you come up here and get it? 182 00:13:17,130 --> 00:13:19,214 I don't have a lot of time. 183 00:13:19,382 --> 00:13:22,801 I don't know, it's not like I can drive it to Indiana. 184 00:13:44,407 --> 00:13:47,326 (rock music playing) 185 00:14:05,595 --> 00:14:08,055 ♪ I'm just like putty ♪ 186 00:14:08,223 --> 00:14:10,516 ♪ Putty in your hands ♪ 187 00:14:13,686 --> 00:14:15,854 ♪ With a wave of your hand ♪ 188 00:14:16,022 --> 00:14:17,439 ♪ Putty putty ♪ 189 00:14:17,607 --> 00:14:18,857 ♪ I'm your slave to go man ♪ 190 00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:24,738 ♪ And I'll go on this way... ♪ 191 00:14:24,906 --> 00:14:27,866 Hey, I see you, you little creep. 192 00:14:28,034 --> 00:14:30,244 - What? - Were you gonna stand here all night 193 00:14:30,411 --> 00:14:32,663 - looking at my daughter, huh? - Dad! 194 00:14:32,830 --> 00:14:34,831 - Well? - What? No, sir. 195 00:14:34,999 --> 00:14:38,335 - I just came to see your daughter. - Tell it to the police, punk. 196 00:14:40,964 --> 00:14:42,839 - Oooh! - Hey, come back here! 197 00:14:43,007 --> 00:14:45,717 - (engine sputtering) - Come back here! 198 00:14:45,885 --> 00:14:48,595 We are not done. Where are you going? 199 00:14:56,062 --> 00:14:58,272 - Hey, I've got to talk to you. - Leave me alone. 200 00:14:58,439 --> 00:14:59,898 Hey. 201 00:15:08,866 --> 00:15:11,827 Pop Pop: The cops was just here. 202 00:15:11,995 --> 00:15:14,288 What for? 203 00:15:14,455 --> 00:15:18,458 They told me somebody who was driving the Weenie Wiz 204 00:15:18,626 --> 00:15:22,421 was caught peeping through some high school girl's window tonight. 205 00:15:24,215 --> 00:15:26,967 - It wasn't me. - Of course it was you. 206 00:15:27,135 --> 00:15:29,303 What do you think, I'm some kind of a half-assed retard? 207 00:15:29,470 --> 00:15:32,472 Okay. Well, I'm sorry. I won't do it again. 208 00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:35,017 I told them I didn't know a thing about it. 209 00:15:35,184 --> 00:15:37,894 I said it must have been somebody else's blue truck 210 00:15:38,062 --> 00:15:39,896 with a 20-foot hot dog on top. 211 00:15:40,064 --> 00:15:42,232 For some reason they had trouble believing that. 212 00:15:42,400 --> 00:15:47,070 Now they think I'm Lester the molester for Christ's sake. 213 00:15:47,238 --> 00:15:49,323 Do you realize what you're doing to me? 214 00:15:49,490 --> 00:15:52,367 It's time you grew up, God damn it. 215 00:15:52,535 --> 00:15:55,287 Go back to school or get some kind of a job. 216 00:15:55,455 --> 00:15:57,039 Find yourself a girlfriend. 217 00:15:57,206 --> 00:15:59,833 Hanging around that rathole room 218 00:16:00,001 --> 00:16:02,210 with those crazy movies and all that goddamn junk. 219 00:16:02,378 --> 00:16:05,130 What should I do? Sit around getting drunk all day? 220 00:16:05,298 --> 00:16:09,051 You know, sometime you and that smart mouth are gonna turn around 221 00:16:09,218 --> 00:16:10,886 and you're gonna find me croaked. 222 00:16:11,054 --> 00:16:13,805 Not the way you put it away. You're preserved 223 00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:16,892 like some mutant two-headed sheep or Einstein's brain. 224 00:16:17,060 --> 00:16:18,310 You through, smartass? 225 00:16:18,478 --> 00:16:21,188 Never wanted to have this conversation to begin with. 226 00:16:21,356 --> 00:16:23,982 You've got a head like a rock. 227 00:16:24,150 --> 00:16:26,193 Just like your mother. 228 00:17:07,193 --> 00:17:09,403 Pop Pop: I hear you in there, you little hoodlum. 229 00:17:09,570 --> 00:17:11,613 Go to bed. 230 00:17:11,781 --> 00:17:14,032 Okay okay. I'm sorry. 231 00:17:16,369 --> 00:17:19,246 Pinhook. Pinhook. 232 00:17:19,414 --> 00:17:21,164 Pinhook. 233 00:17:23,960 --> 00:17:26,420 Loogootee. 234 00:17:27,588 --> 00:17:30,006 Pinhook. 235 00:17:41,936 --> 00:17:43,603 Yay. 236 00:17:43,771 --> 00:17:46,940 Getting closer all the time, buddy. 237 00:17:50,486 --> 00:17:52,863 - Man: Hello? - It's Tobe. 238 00:17:53,030 --> 00:17:56,032 We talked before about the truck I'm selling. 239 00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:58,744 - The giant doggy? - Are you still interested? 240 00:17:58,911 --> 00:18:00,871 I'm pretty far. 241 00:18:01,038 --> 00:18:03,039 No no, it's cool. I'm gonna drive it down. 242 00:18:03,207 --> 00:18:05,459 - My lucky day. - $5000, right? 243 00:18:05,626 --> 00:18:08,128 - That's right. - I'll take the bus back. 244 00:18:08,296 --> 00:18:10,297 - There's a bus station, right? - Hey, where's the rest of your hat? 245 00:18:10,465 --> 00:18:13,091 - Of course. - Great. See you soon. 246 00:18:15,219 --> 00:18:18,096 I'm leaving, Pop Pop. 247 00:18:18,264 --> 00:18:21,224 The windows around here aren't big enough for you? 248 00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:25,729 I'm going to Indiana to sell the truck 249 00:18:25,897 --> 00:18:28,315 and then I don't know what I'll do. 250 00:18:28,483 --> 00:18:31,401 You're leaving just because I yelled at you? 251 00:18:34,071 --> 00:18:35,655 Later, Kenny. 252 00:18:35,823 --> 00:18:39,576 Hey hey. Well, do you need anything? 253 00:18:42,205 --> 00:18:43,955 Get cash. 254 00:18:44,123 --> 00:18:47,918 Even if you've got to walk the guy to the bank, get cash. 255 00:18:49,337 --> 00:18:52,964 Hey, where are you going? 256 00:18:56,344 --> 00:18:59,262 ♪ Love is waiting just around the corner ♪ 257 00:18:59,430 --> 00:19:02,098 ♪ Love is waiting just around the corner ♪ 258 00:19:02,266 --> 00:19:05,227 ♪ Love is waiting just around the corner ♪ 259 00:19:08,689 --> 00:19:11,858 ♪ They say love is just around the corner ♪ 260 00:19:12,026 --> 00:19:14,778 ♪ Any cozy little corner ♪ 261 00:19:14,946 --> 00:19:17,072 ♪ Love is just around the corner ♪ 262 00:19:17,240 --> 00:19:20,492 ♪ When I'm around you ♪ 263 00:19:20,660 --> 00:19:23,537 ♪ Venus de Milo ♪ 264 00:19:23,704 --> 00:19:25,997 ♪ Was noted for her charms ♪ 265 00:19:26,165 --> 00:19:29,251 ♪ Just strictly between us, you're cuter than Venus ♪ 266 00:19:29,418 --> 00:19:32,546 ♪ And what's more, you've got arms ♪ 267 00:19:32,713 --> 00:19:35,799 ♪ So let's cuddle in a corner ♪ 268 00:19:35,967 --> 00:19:38,385 ♪ Any cozy little corner ♪ 269 00:19:38,553 --> 00:19:41,096 ♪ Love is just around the corner ♪ 270 00:19:41,264 --> 00:19:44,182 ♪ And I'm around you ♪ 271 00:19:44,350 --> 00:19:47,185 ♪ Love is just around the corner ♪ 272 00:19:47,353 --> 00:19:50,230 ♪ Love is just around the corner. ♪ 273 00:20:05,204 --> 00:20:07,122 (exhales) 274 00:20:22,305 --> 00:20:26,182 ♪ Cocaine, champagne ♪ 275 00:20:26,350 --> 00:20:29,936 ♪ Take a ride on my jet plane ♪ 276 00:20:30,104 --> 00:20:34,190 ♪ Spotlights, late nights ♪ 277 00:20:34,358 --> 00:20:38,278 ♪ End it all with a drunken fight... ♪ 278 00:20:39,655 --> 00:20:42,949 Hey, baby. What are we drinking? 279 00:20:43,117 --> 00:20:44,868 Uh, bourbon. 280 00:20:45,036 --> 00:20:46,369 Coming right up, handsome. 281 00:20:46,537 --> 00:20:48,204 Take a seat wherever you want. 282 00:20:48,372 --> 00:20:52,375 Oh, and I need $40 cash upfront for the drinks. 283 00:20:52,543 --> 00:20:54,419 - Here, I'll get it. - Wait, is that... 284 00:20:54,587 --> 00:20:58,048 Wait, no. I'm looking for Miss Monica Velour. 285 00:20:58,215 --> 00:21:00,175 Monica? 286 00:21:00,343 --> 00:21:02,344 Yeah, she's coming on at 8:30. 287 00:21:02,511 --> 00:21:05,305 I need $40 though in the front. 288 00:21:10,978 --> 00:21:12,771 - Thanks. - Man on P. A: Remember, 289 00:21:12,939 --> 00:21:15,315 Sunday is single dad night here at The Petting Zoo. 290 00:21:15,483 --> 00:21:18,902 Free games and face painting in the parking lot for the kiddies. 291 00:21:19,070 --> 00:21:21,071 (dance music playing) 292 00:21:27,286 --> 00:21:30,413 Hey, I thought you said she came on at 8:30. 293 00:21:33,167 --> 00:21:35,085 What's your name anyway? 294 00:21:35,252 --> 00:21:37,420 Snickers. 295 00:21:38,839 --> 00:21:41,049 Your parents gave you a dog's name? 296 00:21:41,217 --> 00:21:43,718 No, it's a candy bar. 297 00:21:44,971 --> 00:21:46,179 Huh. 298 00:21:46,347 --> 00:21:48,306 I guess it's better than PayDay. 299 00:21:48,474 --> 00:21:51,267 Or Crackle. 300 00:21:51,435 --> 00:21:53,395 You need another drink. 301 00:21:53,562 --> 00:21:55,021 No. 302 00:21:55,189 --> 00:21:57,273 I'll just finish what I have. 303 00:21:57,441 --> 00:21:59,109 ♪ Now is the time to release ♪ 304 00:21:59,276 --> 00:22:02,570 ♪ All the things you've been holding back... ♪ 305 00:22:02,738 --> 00:22:05,323 You want to go to the executive VIP lounge? 306 00:22:05,491 --> 00:22:07,158 Where's that? 307 00:22:07,326 --> 00:22:09,202 Only $400. 308 00:22:09,370 --> 00:22:11,329 We could have a real good time. 309 00:22:12,748 --> 00:22:14,624 I didn't see any lounge. 310 00:22:14,792 --> 00:22:18,795 We used to have a lounge but the roof collapsed. 311 00:22:18,963 --> 00:22:21,548 Now it's in the back seat of my car. 312 00:22:21,716 --> 00:22:24,009 Okay, for you... 313 00:22:25,636 --> 00:22:27,637 $200. 314 00:22:27,805 --> 00:22:29,556 No. No thank you. 315 00:22:29,724 --> 00:22:31,766 I'm here to see Monica Velour. 316 00:22:33,394 --> 00:22:36,104 - $100. - Huh-uh. 317 00:22:37,940 --> 00:22:40,775 - $60 and two packs of smokes? - No. 318 00:22:41,902 --> 00:22:45,030 Hey, fellas. What are we having? 319 00:22:45,197 --> 00:22:47,198 - I'm hungry for a bite of Snickers. - Yeah? 320 00:22:47,366 --> 00:22:49,451 - Snickers needs some nuts. - Right here, baby. 321 00:22:50,911 --> 00:22:54,164 Man on P. A: And now the star of "Welcome Back Harder" 322 00:22:54,331 --> 00:22:58,209 and "Saturday Night Beaver," adult film superstar 323 00:22:58,377 --> 00:23:00,295 - Monica Velour. - Monica Velour. 324 00:23:00,463 --> 00:23:03,423 Whoo! Monica! 325 00:23:06,552 --> 00:23:08,261 ♪ Tonight ♪ 326 00:23:08,429 --> 00:23:12,098 ♪ I celebrate my love ♪ 327 00:23:12,266 --> 00:23:14,350 ♪ For you ♪ 328 00:23:14,518 --> 00:23:17,187 ♪ It seems ♪ 329 00:23:17,354 --> 00:23:22,901 ♪ The natural thing to do ♪ 330 00:23:23,069 --> 00:23:28,823 ♪ Tonight no one's gonna find us ♪ 331 00:23:28,991 --> 00:23:34,704 ♪ We'll leave the world behind us ♪ 332 00:23:34,872 --> 00:23:37,207 ♪ When I make love to you... ♪ 333 00:23:37,374 --> 00:23:40,043 Man: You've got to be shitting me. 334 00:23:40,211 --> 00:23:41,836 (laughs) Damn. 335 00:23:42,004 --> 00:23:43,630 Somebody ordered off the senior menu. 336 00:23:43,798 --> 00:23:46,341 Shut up. 337 00:23:46,509 --> 00:23:49,219 Man: I think grandma's got Depends on under there. 338 00:23:49,386 --> 00:23:50,512 Man #2: Right. 339 00:23:54,558 --> 00:23:57,811 It's amateur night at the old folks' home. 340 00:23:57,978 --> 00:24:00,855 (men laughing) 341 00:24:02,733 --> 00:24:05,401 Yo, I think this guy over here is in love. 342 00:24:05,569 --> 00:24:07,779 (laughs) 343 00:24:10,491 --> 00:24:13,409 Oh, leave it on, baby. 344 00:24:13,577 --> 00:24:16,830 - Leave it on. - Shh! 345 00:24:16,997 --> 00:24:21,000 Hey, I think this dickwad has a problem. 346 00:24:21,168 --> 00:24:23,128 Yo, dickwad. What's your problem? 347 00:24:24,755 --> 00:24:27,298 I don't... I don't have a problem. 348 00:24:27,466 --> 00:24:29,592 No, I think you do have a problem. 349 00:24:29,760 --> 00:24:33,429 You keep giving me a look like some kind of pissed-off faggot look. 350 00:24:33,597 --> 00:24:35,932 - You know what I mean? - Yeah, I see that look. 351 00:24:36,100 --> 00:24:37,851 Hey, can't we all just get along? 352 00:24:38,018 --> 00:24:41,563 We're all friends. This guy just wants us to be polite 353 00:24:41,730 --> 00:24:44,649 while his grandma up there earns money for his back-to-school clothes. 354 00:24:44,817 --> 00:24:46,609 Right, guy? 355 00:24:52,324 --> 00:24:54,993 Don't the sheep back at the frat house 356 00:24:55,161 --> 00:24:56,953 feel neglected with all you guys here tonight? 357 00:24:57,121 --> 00:24:59,038 - What? - Hear what he said to you, son? 358 00:24:59,206 --> 00:25:01,207 Snickers: Oh no he didn't. 359 00:25:01,375 --> 00:25:04,460 Who the fuck do you think you are, geek? 360 00:25:06,797 --> 00:25:09,424 That's Monica Velour. Okay? 361 00:25:09,592 --> 00:25:12,969 More woman than you sad rodeo clowns 362 00:25:13,137 --> 00:25:17,223 could ever hope to get in your entire regrettable existences. 363 00:25:17,391 --> 00:25:19,517 Big words from such a little dick. 364 00:25:19,685 --> 00:25:21,644 Man #2: That's what I'm talking about, man. 365 00:25:23,731 --> 00:25:27,692 ♪ How friends turn into lovers ♪ 366 00:25:29,028 --> 00:25:32,113 ♪ When I make love to you... ♪ 367 00:25:33,949 --> 00:25:36,618 - (men laugh) - (grunts) 368 00:25:36,785 --> 00:25:38,828 - Fuck this shit! - Snickers: Jesus Christ! Milton! 369 00:25:38,996 --> 00:25:41,539 (clamoring) 370 00:25:41,707 --> 00:25:44,667 Come on, get up. Get up. 371 00:25:44,835 --> 00:25:47,045 Bouncer: God damn it, stop it! 372 00:25:47,213 --> 00:25:48,922 Owner: Look at my club! 373 00:25:49,089 --> 00:25:50,715 Monica: It's not my fault. 374 00:25:50,883 --> 00:25:53,009 Owner: Never happened until you came around. 375 00:25:53,177 --> 00:25:54,761 You promised me eight weeks of headlining. 376 00:25:54,929 --> 00:25:57,680 I know what I promised you. But look at you. 377 00:25:57,848 --> 00:26:00,934 You're too old to be dancing. I'll tell you what... 378 00:26:01,101 --> 00:26:03,519 why don't you come in on Monday and work the room, huh? 379 00:26:03,687 --> 00:26:05,563 She's not working the room with me. 380 00:26:05,731 --> 00:26:08,816 - Oh, eat me, Sparkles. - Snickers. 381 00:26:08,984 --> 00:26:11,736 That boy was just doing what you should have been doing. 382 00:26:11,904 --> 00:26:15,156 Just because we work in a sty don't mean we got to put up with those pigs. 383 00:26:15,324 --> 00:26:16,449 We got rights. 384 00:26:16,617 --> 00:26:17,909 I'm gonna give you two rights, a left 385 00:26:18,077 --> 00:26:20,995 and another right if you don't shut up and get out of my face! 386 00:26:21,163 --> 00:26:22,372 You ain't my daddy. 387 00:26:22,539 --> 00:26:25,375 Close the door. 388 00:26:25,542 --> 00:26:27,210 Come on. Come on. Come on, I've got a kid. 389 00:26:27,378 --> 00:26:29,128 Owner: That makes two people with problems, don't it? 390 00:26:29,296 --> 00:26:33,174 What about my car service? How am I supposed to get home? 391 00:26:33,342 --> 00:26:35,426 Owner: Stick a rocket up your ass and fly. 392 00:26:35,594 --> 00:26:37,553 I don't care. 393 00:26:37,721 --> 00:26:39,138 Bye. 394 00:26:50,859 --> 00:26:52,819 (radio chatter) 395 00:26:58,450 --> 00:26:59,909 How's he doing? 396 00:27:00,077 --> 00:27:01,577 You know this fella? 397 00:27:01,745 --> 00:27:04,414 He knows me. 398 00:27:04,581 --> 00:27:06,416 He'll be fine. 399 00:27:06,583 --> 00:27:09,460 Might have actually gotten hurt if he weren't so loaded. 400 00:27:09,628 --> 00:27:13,047 People probably survive a plane crash, they get enough beers in 'em. 401 00:27:13,215 --> 00:27:15,633 Ma'am, he's not fit to drive. You know where he lives? 402 00:27:17,886 --> 00:27:19,178 Uh, yeah. 403 00:27:19,346 --> 00:27:22,557 I don't live anywhere near here. 404 00:27:22,725 --> 00:27:25,935 Just don't talk. I'll tell them where to go. 405 00:27:27,104 --> 00:27:29,397 You'll have to sign off for him. 406 00:27:31,525 --> 00:27:34,152 Hey, is that nitrous? 407 00:27:43,037 --> 00:27:45,204 (Tobe groans) 408 00:27:52,004 --> 00:27:53,796 Tobe: Is this your house? 409 00:27:53,964 --> 00:27:55,465 Well, I didn't know where you lived 410 00:27:55,632 --> 00:27:58,217 and I figured one of us should be able to get home okay. 411 00:27:59,720 --> 00:28:02,472 Where do you live, anyway? 412 00:28:03,474 --> 00:28:05,350 Auburn, Washington. 413 00:28:06,727 --> 00:28:08,728 Your parents vacationing down here? 414 00:28:08,896 --> 00:28:11,606 My mom died when I was three 415 00:28:11,774 --> 00:28:13,858 and I haven't met my dad. 416 00:28:14,943 --> 00:28:16,944 Jeez, sorry. 417 00:28:18,072 --> 00:28:19,655 So what are you doing here? 418 00:28:19,823 --> 00:28:22,158 I came to see you. 419 00:28:23,535 --> 00:28:26,245 - Just me? - Uh-huh. 420 00:28:27,831 --> 00:28:29,791 How old are you? 18? 19? 421 00:28:29,958 --> 00:28:31,584 18. 422 00:28:31,752 --> 00:28:33,669 Do you know how old I am? 423 00:28:33,837 --> 00:28:35,671 I could have had you. 424 00:28:35,839 --> 00:28:37,757 So? 425 00:28:37,925 --> 00:28:40,510 You're Monica Velour. 426 00:28:41,720 --> 00:28:43,554 You're beautiful. 427 00:28:43,722 --> 00:28:46,265 You're... 428 00:28:46,433 --> 00:28:48,684 you're a star. 429 00:28:48,852 --> 00:28:50,728 Now I know you're drunk. 430 00:28:50,896 --> 00:28:52,939 Come on, upsy-daisy. 431 00:28:53,107 --> 00:28:54,440 What is that? 432 00:28:54,608 --> 00:28:56,317 It's what you need right now, trust me. 433 00:29:00,781 --> 00:29:02,532 (gags) 434 00:29:02,699 --> 00:29:05,368 Ugh, it tastes like powdered puke. 435 00:29:05,536 --> 00:29:07,453 Well, you'll thank me tomorrow. 436 00:29:07,621 --> 00:29:09,914 Don't do a whole lot of drinking, do you? 437 00:29:11,875 --> 00:29:13,543 Not really. 438 00:29:13,710 --> 00:29:16,629 Once I drank a whole case 439 00:29:16,797 --> 00:29:19,298 of non-alcoholic beer though. 440 00:29:20,384 --> 00:29:24,846 I woke up in a pile of fake vomit. (chuckles) 441 00:29:29,935 --> 00:29:32,812 I heard what you did. It was nice. 442 00:29:32,980 --> 00:29:35,231 Stupid, but nice. 443 00:29:36,817 --> 00:29:38,860 It's not often a guy stands up for me. 444 00:29:39,027 --> 00:29:41,571 Those guys were morons. 445 00:29:41,738 --> 00:29:44,907 They were just talking bullshit. 446 00:29:45,075 --> 00:29:47,326 Ah, who knows? Maybe not. 447 00:29:47,494 --> 00:29:49,662 There are certain things a girl just don't want to hear 448 00:29:49,830 --> 00:29:52,331 no matter how old she gets. 449 00:29:52,499 --> 00:29:54,792 But that's the deal, right? 450 00:29:54,960 --> 00:29:57,211 You're only as good as what's in your bra and panties. 451 00:29:58,464 --> 00:30:00,131 It's weird. 452 00:30:00,299 --> 00:30:03,384 You're a dream. 453 00:30:03,552 --> 00:30:06,220 It looks like you've been popped out of the movie 454 00:30:06,388 --> 00:30:07,930 to sit on the couch with me. 455 00:30:09,892 --> 00:30:14,270 I used to watch your movies and think about how great it would be 456 00:30:14,438 --> 00:30:18,316 to meet you and talk to you, hang out with you. 457 00:30:18,484 --> 00:30:20,943 But it was always just a dream. 458 00:30:23,739 --> 00:30:25,781 But now my dream is real. 459 00:30:27,117 --> 00:30:29,452 Get a lot of ass talking like that? 460 00:30:32,372 --> 00:30:34,248 You got any dough? 461 00:30:34,416 --> 00:30:37,293 My wallet is in my backpack. 462 00:30:39,463 --> 00:30:41,297 I'm calling you a cab. 463 00:30:41,465 --> 00:30:43,508 (phone ringing) 464 00:30:47,804 --> 00:30:51,057 Recording: You've reached the Country Checkered Cab Company 465 00:30:51,225 --> 00:30:53,768 serving Pinhook, Loogootee 466 00:30:53,936 --> 00:30:56,187 and all of greater Guthrie Township. 467 00:30:56,355 --> 00:30:59,774 Your call is important to us. 468 00:30:59,942 --> 00:31:01,651 Please wait. 469 00:31:01,818 --> 00:31:04,111 So where are you staying? 470 00:31:05,656 --> 00:31:07,865 Fuck. 471 00:31:09,993 --> 00:31:11,536 Come on. 472 00:31:11,703 --> 00:31:13,579 Wake up. 473 00:31:13,747 --> 00:31:16,290 The school bus is outside. 474 00:31:16,458 --> 00:31:19,418 The ice cream man is here. 475 00:31:19,586 --> 00:31:22,630 Santa Claus came. 476 00:31:31,723 --> 00:31:33,849 (meows) 477 00:32:06,883 --> 00:32:09,135 (horn honks) 478 00:32:09,303 --> 00:32:11,887 (car approaching) 479 00:32:13,348 --> 00:32:15,057 Hey, Kayla kitten. 480 00:32:20,689 --> 00:32:23,357 Ronny, a phone call would really be appreciated 481 00:32:23,525 --> 00:32:25,818 before you decide to just drop on by. 482 00:32:25,986 --> 00:32:28,863 I saw the police and ambulance at the club last night. 483 00:32:29,031 --> 00:32:31,365 I just came by to see if you were dead. 484 00:32:31,533 --> 00:32:35,328 Well, sorry to disappoint you. 485 00:32:35,495 --> 00:32:37,830 "Stripper Wins Custody Battle." 486 00:32:37,998 --> 00:32:40,916 That's not a headline you read a whole bunch, huh? 487 00:32:41,084 --> 00:32:44,045 Well, I've got to make a living somehow. 488 00:32:44,212 --> 00:32:47,381 It's not like your alimony can keep me going. 489 00:32:47,549 --> 00:32:49,008 No, well, that's why I came by. 490 00:32:49,176 --> 00:32:52,970 See, my lawyer, he wants to make some changes now that you're working. 491 00:32:53,138 --> 00:32:55,306 Great. 492 00:32:55,474 --> 00:32:58,976 So? You gonna invite us in? 493 00:33:00,395 --> 00:33:02,438 Look, 494 00:33:02,606 --> 00:33:05,274 it's 8:00 AM on a Saturday morning. 495 00:33:05,442 --> 00:33:08,277 Can't we... can't we do this some other time? 496 00:33:08,445 --> 00:33:12,239 I ain't leaving. So maybe we'd just better take this inside, huh? 497 00:33:14,284 --> 00:33:16,535 No. 498 00:33:19,665 --> 00:33:21,791 You got somebody in there, don't you? 499 00:33:21,958 --> 00:33:23,959 It's none of your goddamn business. 500 00:33:24,127 --> 00:33:27,004 You're turning tricks again, aren't you? 501 00:33:27,172 --> 00:33:29,840 Monica: You know what? Fuck you. 502 00:33:30,008 --> 00:33:32,760 Ronny: The judge is gonna love this. 503 00:33:32,928 --> 00:33:35,513 This... this is rich. 504 00:33:35,681 --> 00:33:39,058 I've got to see for myself what kid of loser 505 00:33:39,226 --> 00:33:41,852 pays money to screw an old shipwreck like you. 506 00:33:42,020 --> 00:33:43,979 What? 507 00:33:45,399 --> 00:33:47,274 Hey hey! Hey hey! Ow! 508 00:33:47,442 --> 00:33:49,026 - Get out of here! Just get out! - Dumb bitch. 509 00:33:49,194 --> 00:33:52,530 Hey, you're sick, you know that? You need help. 510 00:33:52,698 --> 00:33:54,990 Just go. Go, little man. 511 00:33:55,158 --> 00:33:57,993 - Yeah yeah yeah. - Mommy! 512 00:33:59,663 --> 00:34:01,997 Keep it up, you'll see her when she's 21. 513 00:34:04,459 --> 00:34:06,711 Kayla baby, I'm sorry. 514 00:34:06,878 --> 00:34:09,588 Everything's gonna be fine. 515 00:34:26,940 --> 00:34:28,691 What are you doing? 516 00:34:29,901 --> 00:34:32,737 Look, it's not a good time. 517 00:34:32,904 --> 00:34:33,904 You need to go. 518 00:34:34,072 --> 00:34:36,532 Wakey wakey, eggs and bacey. 519 00:34:36,700 --> 00:34:39,785 It's... you shouldn't have been here to begin with. 520 00:34:39,953 --> 00:34:41,662 Just beat it. 521 00:34:41,830 --> 00:34:44,373 Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. 522 00:34:44,541 --> 00:34:47,918 Those eggs are probably bad. 523 00:34:52,090 --> 00:34:54,383 Five minutes. 524 00:34:54,551 --> 00:34:57,762 Breakfast and then I'll go. 525 00:35:13,278 --> 00:35:15,154 This is a switch. 526 00:35:22,120 --> 00:35:24,413 (crying) 527 00:35:49,648 --> 00:35:52,316 Look, you really really need to go. 528 00:35:56,404 --> 00:36:00,324 Um, can I get your autograph? 529 00:36:02,244 --> 00:36:04,119 Sure. 530 00:36:04,287 --> 00:36:07,164 Like one on your underwear or something? 531 00:36:08,166 --> 00:36:10,292 No no. Hold on. 532 00:36:16,299 --> 00:36:18,342 Monica: Jeez, look at this. 533 00:36:18,510 --> 00:36:21,053 Some old perv croak and leave it to you? 534 00:36:21,221 --> 00:36:25,057 No, it's, uh, mine. 535 00:36:26,476 --> 00:36:28,143 God. 536 00:36:28,311 --> 00:36:31,021 Haven't seen that stuff in years. 537 00:36:31,189 --> 00:36:34,275 My ex made me burn all my movie junk. 538 00:36:35,360 --> 00:36:38,654 Oh, here you are. Girl of the Month. 539 00:36:38,822 --> 00:36:41,532 Yeah, right. My big break. 540 00:36:41,700 --> 00:36:45,327 - Miss January, 1978. - 1978. 541 00:36:49,124 --> 00:36:50,624 Um, were your turn-ons 542 00:36:50,792 --> 00:36:53,502 really chest hair and customized vans? 543 00:36:53,670 --> 00:36:56,297 If they were, they sure ain't now. 544 00:36:56,464 --> 00:36:59,884 I think my manager wrote most of that crap. 545 00:37:02,095 --> 00:37:04,972 Hey, what's that? 546 00:37:06,224 --> 00:37:09,226 That's the premiere of "Furburger Deluxe." 547 00:37:09,394 --> 00:37:12,438 Oh right, the drive-in waitress one. 548 00:37:12,606 --> 00:37:14,481 Believe me, 549 00:37:14,649 --> 00:37:17,943 bending over in roller skates is not as easy as it looks. 550 00:37:20,947 --> 00:37:22,990 God, where'd you get all this crap? 551 00:37:23,158 --> 00:37:25,117 Uh, the web, 552 00:37:25,285 --> 00:37:28,037 junk stores. 553 00:37:28,204 --> 00:37:29,997 All over. 554 00:37:31,166 --> 00:37:32,750 Must have a lot of time on your hands. 555 00:37:32,918 --> 00:37:34,627 You're the best. 556 00:37:34,794 --> 00:37:37,463 I don't get into much. Only the best. 557 00:37:37,631 --> 00:37:40,257 Yeah, were the best. Were. 558 00:37:42,385 --> 00:37:45,095 You know, all this time 559 00:37:45,263 --> 00:37:49,016 I told my folks that I was a jazzercise instructor. 560 00:37:53,188 --> 00:37:56,357 13 years of my life 561 00:37:56,524 --> 00:37:59,234 right here. 562 00:38:10,622 --> 00:38:12,915 Look, you should split. 563 00:38:13,083 --> 00:38:14,375 I've got some people coming by. 564 00:38:15,919 --> 00:38:17,336 It was really nice to meet you. 565 00:38:21,341 --> 00:38:24,051 So can I see you? 566 00:38:24,219 --> 00:38:26,345 Bye-bye. 567 00:38:27,764 --> 00:38:30,391 - My van is really far. - Bye. 568 00:38:33,603 --> 00:38:35,729 Yeah. 569 00:38:35,897 --> 00:38:37,815 All right, see you later. 570 00:38:39,275 --> 00:38:40,859 Maybe. 571 00:38:55,417 --> 00:38:57,835 ♪ Keep knocking and you can't come in ♪ 572 00:38:58,003 --> 00:39:01,088 ♪ Keep knocking and you can't come in ♪ 573 00:39:01,256 --> 00:39:04,425 ♪ Keep knocking and you can't come in... ♪ 574 00:39:04,592 --> 00:39:06,635 Pop Pop: Hello. 575 00:39:06,803 --> 00:39:09,221 Tobe's not here. 576 00:39:09,389 --> 00:39:11,932 Speak slow and leave your number. 577 00:39:12,100 --> 00:39:14,268 Semper fi. 578 00:39:14,436 --> 00:39:16,645 (machine beeps) 579 00:39:16,813 --> 00:39:19,356 Hey, Pop Pop. It's Tobe. 580 00:39:19,524 --> 00:39:21,525 I'm in Indiana. 581 00:39:21,693 --> 00:39:24,028 I got beat up, 582 00:39:24,195 --> 00:39:26,280 cheated out of money, 583 00:39:26,448 --> 00:39:28,866 someone spray painted the truck, 584 00:39:29,034 --> 00:39:31,076 people tell me to go home. 585 00:39:31,244 --> 00:39:34,538 So much for small-town hospitality. 586 00:39:34,706 --> 00:39:37,416 Don't touch my junk. I'm coming back. 587 00:39:37,584 --> 00:39:41,587 I'm just gonna sell the truck and take a bus home. 588 00:39:41,755 --> 00:39:44,465 - Hello? - Tobe: Hey, Claude. 589 00:39:44,632 --> 00:39:46,175 It's Tobe. 590 00:39:46,342 --> 00:39:49,219 I'm driving through your neighbor's cornfields. 591 00:39:49,387 --> 00:39:53,140 - I'm in the big white barn. - I see it. 592 00:40:01,775 --> 00:40:04,359 (engine sputters) 593 00:40:09,407 --> 00:40:10,949 Claude: Can you see me? 594 00:40:13,286 --> 00:40:16,413 - Uh, yeah, I see you. - I can see you too. 595 00:40:16,581 --> 00:40:18,749 - (roars) - (screams) 596 00:40:18,917 --> 00:40:20,959 (laughing) 597 00:40:21,127 --> 00:40:22,836 Oh, I'm sorry. 598 00:40:23,004 --> 00:40:25,297 Listen, I put a lot of work into that guy. 599 00:40:25,465 --> 00:40:27,216 I've got to use him every chance I get. 600 00:40:27,383 --> 00:40:29,384 Claude Turner. 601 00:40:29,552 --> 00:40:31,595 Hey, Tobe. 602 00:40:31,763 --> 00:40:33,931 You look like you're having a rough trip. 603 00:40:34,099 --> 00:40:36,058 No, it's cool. 604 00:40:36,226 --> 00:40:37,601 You want to check out the truck? 605 00:40:37,769 --> 00:40:40,854 The phallic symbol express? Absolutely. 606 00:40:41,022 --> 00:40:42,564 Come on. 607 00:40:48,196 --> 00:40:50,447 Hmm. 608 00:40:52,534 --> 00:40:55,244 Whatever floats your boat. 609 00:40:55,411 --> 00:40:58,163 Claude: Come on in. 610 00:40:58,331 --> 00:40:59,915 Whoa. 611 00:41:00,083 --> 00:41:02,126 (bottles clinking) 612 00:41:09,467 --> 00:41:11,343 So you're an artist? 613 00:41:11,511 --> 00:41:14,096 That's a good word. 614 00:41:14,264 --> 00:41:16,223 Pretty cool stuff. 615 00:41:16,391 --> 00:41:18,350 More good words. 616 00:41:18,518 --> 00:41:20,352 Here you go. 617 00:41:20,520 --> 00:41:22,479 Root beer, king of soda. 618 00:41:29,529 --> 00:41:33,407 You collect all the stuff my grandpa would tell me to throw out. 619 00:41:34,450 --> 00:41:35,784 He called it junk. 620 00:41:35,952 --> 00:41:37,661 American culture. 621 00:41:37,829 --> 00:41:41,123 Junk is America. 622 00:41:41,291 --> 00:41:45,377 We don't have the Sistine Chapel or the pyramids. 623 00:41:45,545 --> 00:41:49,131 We have PEZ dispensers 624 00:41:49,299 --> 00:41:51,800 and Big Boy 625 00:41:51,968 --> 00:41:55,345 and trucks with weenies. 626 00:41:55,513 --> 00:41:58,432 And a Russ Meyer and a Creature Feature. 627 00:41:58,600 --> 00:41:59,933 - (roars) - Oh! 628 00:42:00,101 --> 00:42:02,311 (laughing) 629 00:42:02,478 --> 00:42:05,105 Look, we're only 200 years old. 630 00:42:05,273 --> 00:42:07,357 We're still the naive, 631 00:42:07,525 --> 00:42:09,860 over-hormonal teenagers of planet Earth 632 00:42:10,028 --> 00:42:12,321 making lots of mistakes. 633 00:42:16,701 --> 00:42:20,287 - That's five grand, right? - Yeah. 634 00:42:22,707 --> 00:42:25,709 Oh, uh, no checks. 635 00:42:25,877 --> 00:42:27,961 Cash. 636 00:42:28,129 --> 00:42:30,255 Oh? 637 00:42:30,423 --> 00:42:32,216 Hmm. 638 00:42:32,383 --> 00:42:34,593 Well, you know, 639 00:42:34,761 --> 00:42:38,472 I'm not the cash-laden celeb artist I appear to be. 640 00:42:38,640 --> 00:42:42,601 It'll take me a few days before I can get over to the bank. 641 00:42:44,229 --> 00:42:46,313 But I can offer you something for collateral. 642 00:42:46,481 --> 00:42:48,273 Maybe we can even make a trade. 643 00:42:48,441 --> 00:42:51,610 How about Uncle Ronny or Tricky Dick for the truck? 644 00:42:53,112 --> 00:42:55,822 I can stay in town until Monday. 645 00:42:55,990 --> 00:42:58,158 Is Monday good? 646 00:42:58,326 --> 00:43:00,661 Okay. 647 00:43:02,622 --> 00:43:04,456 (Claude laughs) 648 00:43:04,624 --> 00:43:08,293 ♪ See see Rider ♪ 649 00:43:10,380 --> 00:43:13,715 ♪ See what you've done done ♪ 650 00:43:13,883 --> 00:43:17,135 ♪ Lord Lord Lord ♪ 651 00:43:17,303 --> 00:43:19,972 ♪ Made me love you ♪ 652 00:43:20,139 --> 00:43:25,018 ♪ Now your gal done come ♪ 653 00:43:27,605 --> 00:43:31,775 ♪ You made me love you ♪ 654 00:43:31,943 --> 00:43:36,905 ♪ Now your gal done come. ♪ 655 00:44:06,519 --> 00:44:08,520 (engine sputters) 656 00:44:17,864 --> 00:44:20,824 Hey. Hey! 657 00:44:20,992 --> 00:44:22,617 Who are you? 658 00:44:22,785 --> 00:44:25,287 Uh, a friend. 659 00:44:25,455 --> 00:44:27,789 She's not here right now. 660 00:44:27,957 --> 00:44:30,542 Go get your happy ending somewhere else. 661 00:44:30,710 --> 00:44:33,628 Thanks for the tip. 662 00:44:34,797 --> 00:44:36,298 What's the matter? 663 00:44:36,466 --> 00:44:38,884 You got something against beautiful teenage girls? 664 00:44:39,052 --> 00:44:40,844 You miss your mommy? 665 00:44:41,012 --> 00:44:43,638 Or did you forget what year it is? (laughs) 666 00:44:44,640 --> 00:44:46,725 (camera clicks) 667 00:45:03,409 --> 00:45:05,202 Woman: Hey! 668 00:45:05,370 --> 00:45:07,329 - What you do? - I'm her husband. 669 00:45:07,497 --> 00:45:10,165 You bug off. 670 00:45:10,333 --> 00:45:13,001 - I call police. - Hey hey, relax. 671 00:45:13,169 --> 00:45:15,379 - (shouting in Cambodian) - Ow! Hey! 672 00:45:15,546 --> 00:45:17,506 Hey, stop it! 673 00:45:17,673 --> 00:45:18,507 Hey hey! 674 00:45:18,674 --> 00:45:20,717 Yeah, I know, steamed dumplings in 20 minutes. Yeah. 675 00:45:20,885 --> 00:45:23,053 Yeah yeah yeah yeah. 676 00:45:35,942 --> 00:45:38,693 - Thanks for coming down. - Who couldn't wash somebody's hair? 677 00:45:38,861 --> 00:45:41,488 A dead monkey could do this, I'm telling you. 678 00:45:41,656 --> 00:45:43,698 You know I have a kid right? 679 00:45:46,202 --> 00:45:48,370 Weekends, extra, whatever you need. 680 00:45:52,375 --> 00:45:55,377 Hey. Hey. 681 00:45:55,545 --> 00:45:58,213 She says I don't have the proper image, she says. 682 00:45:58,381 --> 00:46:01,550 She says this is a class establishment. 683 00:46:01,717 --> 00:46:03,718 Dusty-cunted old hag, where does she get off? 684 00:46:03,886 --> 00:46:05,804 I've got class coming out of my friggin' ass. 685 00:46:07,515 --> 00:46:09,224 Swear to God, 686 00:46:09,392 --> 00:46:12,644 you screw a few hundred guys and the whole world turns against you. 687 00:46:15,940 --> 00:46:17,858 I need a drink. 688 00:46:25,575 --> 00:46:26,950 Hold this. 689 00:46:30,830 --> 00:46:32,372 Fuck 'em all. 690 00:46:36,544 --> 00:46:39,838 (slurping) 691 00:46:40,840 --> 00:46:43,550 That winner at my house the other morning was my ex, 692 00:46:43,718 --> 00:46:46,261 if you hadn't figured that out. 693 00:46:46,429 --> 00:46:48,430 Sounds like a good person to be broken up with. 694 00:46:48,598 --> 00:46:50,807 Yeah. Right now it's looking pretty crappy. 695 00:46:51,809 --> 00:46:54,561 I'm taking him to court to get custody of my daughter. 696 00:46:54,729 --> 00:46:57,272 If he finds out I'm back in the biz 697 00:46:57,440 --> 00:47:00,358 I've got a snowball's chance in hell. 698 00:47:00,526 --> 00:47:03,737 But you're not still in it, are you? 699 00:47:03,905 --> 00:47:07,324 You haven't done a movie since "Where's the Beef?" 700 00:47:07,492 --> 00:47:09,618 No, there's these local guys, 701 00:47:09,785 --> 00:47:12,370 they want to put me in a comeback movie. 702 00:47:12,538 --> 00:47:15,916 They say I've got box cover recognition. 703 00:47:17,335 --> 00:47:21,755 I shouldn't do it, but I'm fucking broker than broke. 704 00:47:21,923 --> 00:47:26,134 Won't your ex find out? Can't you do something else? 705 00:47:27,595 --> 00:47:28,678 Yeah. 706 00:47:28,846 --> 00:47:31,097 You saw how that went. 707 00:47:34,769 --> 00:47:36,561 So what's this movie about? 708 00:47:36,729 --> 00:47:41,149 Well, there's no script, but I think it's gonna be good. 709 00:47:41,317 --> 00:47:43,568 I mean classy. Something that'll lead to bigger things. 710 00:47:43,736 --> 00:47:45,403 What's it called? 711 00:47:46,822 --> 00:47:48,114 "Bunghole Banditos." 712 00:47:49,825 --> 00:47:52,160 Wow. 713 00:47:52,328 --> 00:47:55,121 Sounds like Oscar time. 714 00:47:55,289 --> 00:47:57,082 I don't know. 715 00:47:57,250 --> 00:47:59,918 It's not gonna be like the old days. 716 00:48:01,045 --> 00:48:02,754 They had real stories. 717 00:48:02,922 --> 00:48:05,590 We were actresses. We tried to make it believable. 718 00:48:05,758 --> 00:48:08,843 Yeah, now it's like Evel Knievel is directing. 719 00:48:09,011 --> 00:48:12,013 Yeah right. 50 guys, one girl, 720 00:48:12,181 --> 00:48:14,516 half a gallon of Crisco... will she make it? 721 00:48:15,518 --> 00:48:17,769 - Did you hear her? - Yeah, but... 722 00:48:17,937 --> 00:48:20,689 they want to pay me three grand. 723 00:48:20,856 --> 00:48:22,983 That's a lot more than I got in the '70s. 724 00:48:23,150 --> 00:48:26,778 I mean, some of those early ones all I got was 50 bucks, 725 00:48:26,946 --> 00:48:29,698 a stick of grass and a case of the crabs. 726 00:48:29,865 --> 00:48:31,533 (groans) 727 00:48:33,411 --> 00:48:36,955 Is the crabs thing still part of your contract? 728 00:48:40,126 --> 00:48:42,919 You are a weird fucking kid. 729 00:48:45,006 --> 00:48:48,049 Linda. Linda baby, 730 00:48:48,217 --> 00:48:50,594 we've got to get together, 731 00:48:50,761 --> 00:48:53,847 - party sometime. - Yeah, whoo! 732 00:48:54,015 --> 00:48:56,641 Sure, how's never? Is never a good time? 733 00:48:56,809 --> 00:48:59,769 - I got 20 bucks. - (men laugh) 734 00:49:02,898 --> 00:49:06,234 That's my real name... Linda Romanoli. 735 00:49:06,402 --> 00:49:08,778 You probably already knew that. 736 00:49:10,406 --> 00:49:13,116 And my shoe size and blood type too. 737 00:49:13,284 --> 00:49:15,327 Eight and a half. 738 00:49:17,163 --> 00:49:21,041 I don't know your blood type. Honest. 739 00:49:27,048 --> 00:49:29,716 I'm gonna be sick. I've got to sit down. 740 00:49:31,093 --> 00:49:32,969 All right, don't sit. Don't sit. Don't sit. 741 00:49:33,137 --> 00:49:35,472 You're almost home. 742 00:49:35,640 --> 00:49:38,350 ♪ Doing things right four or five times ♪ 743 00:49:38,517 --> 00:49:39,809 ♪ Four or five times ♪ 744 00:49:39,977 --> 00:49:42,937 - ♪ Maybe I'll sigh ♪ - ♪ Maybe I'll sigh ♪ 745 00:49:43,105 --> 00:49:45,482 - ♪ And maybe I'll cry ♪ - ♪ And maybe I'll cry... ♪ 746 00:49:45,650 --> 00:49:47,692 - (grunts) - ♪ If I die ♪ 747 00:49:47,860 --> 00:49:50,195 ♪ I'm gonna try four or five times ♪ 748 00:49:50,363 --> 00:49:51,821 ♪ Four of five times... ♪ 749 00:49:51,989 --> 00:49:54,115 (scatting) 750 00:49:58,287 --> 00:50:00,955 - Hold on. - Oh! 751 00:50:03,042 --> 00:50:05,877 What kind of knight in shining armor are you? 752 00:50:07,171 --> 00:50:10,757 - ♪ And maybe I'll cry ♪ - ♪ And maybe I'll cry... ♪ 753 00:50:10,925 --> 00:50:13,551 No no. No no no. 754 00:50:13,719 --> 00:50:16,137 You're kinda cute. 755 00:50:16,305 --> 00:50:19,974 Like the guy in the "Archie" comics with the funny hat. 756 00:50:20,142 --> 00:50:23,937 Jughead. He was the drummer in their band. 757 00:50:24,105 --> 00:50:26,189 Right. 758 00:50:29,068 --> 00:50:31,569 Oh! 759 00:50:31,737 --> 00:50:34,197 (groans) 760 00:50:34,365 --> 00:50:37,492 - I'm thinking you maybe should leave. - (water running) 761 00:50:41,163 --> 00:50:43,331 Here. 762 00:50:53,050 --> 00:50:54,884 Can I call you? 763 00:50:55,052 --> 00:50:57,429 (snoring) 764 00:51:21,245 --> 00:51:23,204 Score. 765 00:51:35,134 --> 00:51:36,217 What can I do for you today? 766 00:51:37,553 --> 00:51:40,096 Um... uh... 767 00:51:40,264 --> 00:51:43,892 I'd like to buy some fireworks. 768 00:51:50,900 --> 00:51:52,525 (knocks) 769 00:52:02,369 --> 00:52:05,997 You look for her? 770 00:52:06,165 --> 00:52:09,626 Uh, yeah. Do you know where she is? 771 00:52:09,794 --> 00:52:11,753 At school. 772 00:52:11,921 --> 00:52:13,963 Every day same time. 773 00:52:14,131 --> 00:52:16,508 Do you know where that is? 774 00:52:16,675 --> 00:52:19,886 This way. Not far. 775 00:52:20,054 --> 00:52:21,763 Half a mile. 776 00:52:54,129 --> 00:52:56,965 ♪ Baby ♪ 777 00:52:57,132 --> 00:52:59,843 ♪ Baby, are you satisfied? ♪ 778 00:53:00,010 --> 00:53:02,846 - Hello. - Hi, Daddy. 779 00:53:03,013 --> 00:53:06,599 ♪ I say baby... ♪ 780 00:53:06,767 --> 00:53:10,353 - How was school? ♪ Baby, are you satisfied? ♪ 781 00:53:12,731 --> 00:53:16,067 ♪ Mmm, baby ♪ 782 00:53:16,235 --> 00:53:19,362 ♪ Tell me if you're satisfied ♪ 783 00:53:21,240 --> 00:53:24,242 (whistling) 784 00:53:38,215 --> 00:53:40,508 Tobe: They're so worried about your safety, you know? 785 00:53:40,676 --> 00:53:44,637 They spend half your class time letting you know that drugs kill, 786 00:53:44,805 --> 00:53:47,056 don't drink and drive, 787 00:53:47,224 --> 00:53:49,851 don't have sex... you'll get AIDs, 788 00:53:50,019 --> 00:53:52,645 don't commit suicide. If you're thinking about it get help. 789 00:53:52,813 --> 00:53:54,439 And then what do they do? 790 00:53:54,607 --> 00:53:58,318 Uh, I can't think. 791 00:53:58,485 --> 00:54:01,321 Well, here, they let you sign up for the army 792 00:54:01,488 --> 00:54:03,615 at the booth in front of the gym. 793 00:54:03,782 --> 00:54:05,158 - Gym? - Uh-huh. 794 00:54:05,326 --> 00:54:06,743 - (phone ringing) - I hate gym. 795 00:54:06,911 --> 00:54:09,746 Hold that thought. 796 00:54:11,332 --> 00:54:14,125 - Hey, Monica. - Hey, kiddo. I got your note. 797 00:54:14,293 --> 00:54:17,462 (spooky music playing) 798 00:54:17,630 --> 00:54:20,214 Man: There is only one thing to do. 799 00:54:20,382 --> 00:54:23,259 Frankenbooty must be destroyed. 800 00:54:23,427 --> 00:54:25,261 - I won an award for this. - (man grunting) 801 00:54:25,429 --> 00:54:29,098 Yeah, the Coochie Award for breast actress, 1980. 802 00:54:29,266 --> 00:54:30,350 Yeah yeah. 803 00:54:30,517 --> 00:54:34,270 It's kind of like an Oscar except shaped like a horse dick. 804 00:54:34,438 --> 00:54:37,440 I wound up banging the dents out of my Chevy with it. 805 00:54:39,401 --> 00:54:41,694 What was it like working with Donnie Davis? 806 00:54:41,862 --> 00:54:45,281 I mean, he totally revolutionized horror 807 00:54:45,449 --> 00:54:49,118 with "The Last House on the Street" and "The House Two Doors Down." 808 00:54:49,286 --> 00:54:51,371 Well, I can't tell you much there. 809 00:54:51,538 --> 00:54:54,791 I mean, the guy knocked off a case of Scotch a week. 810 00:54:54,959 --> 00:54:57,377 He wasn't awake for most of the shoot, and when he was 811 00:54:57,544 --> 00:55:01,297 his attention was mostly focused on how to most effectively grab my ass. 812 00:55:01,465 --> 00:55:03,675 - (screams) - (groaning) 813 00:55:03,842 --> 00:55:05,760 (screams) 814 00:55:09,682 --> 00:55:12,225 Now this part, to me this is like 815 00:55:12,393 --> 00:55:15,728 a direct homage to the Hammer Films tradition 816 00:55:15,896 --> 00:55:17,480 of horror with sex. 817 00:55:17,648 --> 00:55:19,315 Homage? Ain't that cheese? 818 00:55:19,483 --> 00:55:21,150 (chuckles) 819 00:55:21,318 --> 00:55:24,946 Oh no, it's French. It means "to show respect for." 820 00:55:25,114 --> 00:55:28,199 (moaning) 821 00:55:28,367 --> 00:55:32,203 Well, the only French you should use when talking about this masterpiece 822 00:55:32,371 --> 00:55:36,332 is "la turd" or "la money de easy." 823 00:55:36,500 --> 00:55:38,418 You know what I think of this? 824 00:55:38,585 --> 00:55:40,878 It was fun to make 825 00:55:41,046 --> 00:55:43,131 but boring as paint drying to watch. 826 00:55:43,298 --> 00:55:45,258 (grunting) 827 00:55:45,426 --> 00:55:48,428 - (moans loudly) - Oh! 828 00:55:50,055 --> 00:55:53,349 Now you know how it feels. 829 00:55:53,517 --> 00:55:55,685 (laughs) 830 00:56:01,734 --> 00:56:04,444 You are a weird fucking kid. 831 00:56:12,036 --> 00:56:13,911 (camera beeping, clicking) 832 00:56:19,084 --> 00:56:21,210 Come on. I look like dog crap. 833 00:56:21,378 --> 00:56:24,297 You, nature... what's not to like? 834 00:56:24,465 --> 00:56:26,632 You'll break your camera. 835 00:56:26,800 --> 00:56:29,469 (sighs) 836 00:56:31,180 --> 00:56:33,598 Where the hell are we going? 837 00:56:35,142 --> 00:56:37,477 You wouldn't be the first guy to take me out to the woods 838 00:56:37,644 --> 00:56:39,437 to try and kill me, you know. 839 00:56:41,607 --> 00:56:43,524 That's weird. 840 00:56:52,326 --> 00:56:55,119 - And? - Sit down. 841 00:56:55,287 --> 00:56:57,413 Relax. 842 00:56:59,625 --> 00:57:02,043 What are you doing? 843 00:57:02,211 --> 00:57:04,378 It's okay. 844 00:57:04,546 --> 00:57:07,381 Are you... are you trying to fucking kill me? 845 00:57:07,549 --> 00:57:10,259 Okay, turn it off. I'm not kidding. 846 00:57:10,427 --> 00:57:12,428 It's okay, it's okay. 847 00:57:12,596 --> 00:57:14,639 It's our one-week anniversary. 848 00:57:14,807 --> 00:57:16,599 I met you a week ago today. 849 00:57:16,767 --> 00:57:18,643 - (fireworks exploding) - All right, get down. Get down. 850 00:57:18,811 --> 00:57:20,937 (Monica screaming) 851 00:57:21,105 --> 00:57:24,732 - (Tobe coughing) - You fucking dick. 852 00:57:27,194 --> 00:57:29,570 (Tobe laughs) 853 00:57:34,576 --> 00:57:37,537 - Tobe: That was awesome. - Monica: That was really good. 854 00:57:39,873 --> 00:57:42,291 (coughs) 855 00:57:46,421 --> 00:57:49,757 And for dinner we have hot dogs. 856 00:57:49,925 --> 00:57:52,301 That's a shock. 857 00:57:56,515 --> 00:58:01,269 So how did you first hook up with Mr. Wonderful? 858 00:58:01,436 --> 00:58:04,063 Yeah, right. 859 00:58:04,231 --> 00:58:08,025 I had this gig dancing down in Tampa. 860 00:58:09,736 --> 00:58:12,488 And he brought in his business clients, 861 00:58:12,656 --> 00:58:14,907 became a regular, talked to the girls, 862 00:58:15,075 --> 00:58:17,702 started asking me out and after a while I said yeah. 863 00:58:19,037 --> 00:58:21,914 And at first it was nice. 864 00:58:23,625 --> 00:58:25,918 He treated me good. 865 00:58:26,086 --> 00:58:28,004 He bought me nice stuff. 866 00:58:28,172 --> 00:58:30,256 He had a good job. He was straight. 867 00:58:31,592 --> 00:58:33,885 So getting married seemed like the thing to do. 868 00:58:34,052 --> 00:58:36,762 And I tried to be a good girl, 869 00:58:36,930 --> 00:58:39,765 but it weren't enough. 870 00:58:39,933 --> 00:58:42,727 What he wanted was a goddamn slave. 871 00:58:42,895 --> 00:58:44,520 Ouch. 872 00:58:44,688 --> 00:58:46,606 Yeah, we fought all the time, 873 00:58:46,773 --> 00:58:49,483 throwing dishes, the whole nine yards. 874 00:58:49,651 --> 00:58:52,612 We knew the cops by name after awhile. 875 00:58:56,658 --> 00:58:59,452 Everybody makes mistakes. 876 00:58:59,620 --> 00:59:01,495 Yeah, everybody makes mistakes. 877 00:59:01,663 --> 00:59:04,248 Sure, but it ain't that easy. 878 00:59:04,416 --> 00:59:07,960 You can make a mistake that can ruin your whole life. 879 00:59:10,631 --> 00:59:12,632 He didn't ruin your life. 880 00:59:12,799 --> 00:59:16,427 Yeah, I got Kayla out of it. 881 00:59:18,222 --> 00:59:20,556 It's just life, you know? 882 00:59:20,724 --> 00:59:23,893 You get sucked into things and time goes by 883 00:59:24,061 --> 00:59:26,479 and you wonder who's that looking at you in the mirror. 884 00:59:26,647 --> 00:59:28,689 Not that you'd understand. 885 00:59:30,817 --> 00:59:33,069 It's just... 886 00:59:34,279 --> 00:59:36,989 I thought I'd be farther along at this age, 887 00:59:37,157 --> 00:59:39,951 made a difference in the world. 888 00:59:40,118 --> 00:59:41,744 You know? 889 00:59:47,751 --> 00:59:49,877 But you have made a difference. 890 00:59:50,045 --> 00:59:53,130 You made people happy, excited. 891 00:59:53,298 --> 00:59:54,465 Excited? 892 00:59:54,633 --> 00:59:58,636 I think I've had a little too much of that kind of excitement in my life. 893 00:59:58,804 --> 01:00:00,972 People like me... 894 01:00:01,139 --> 01:00:04,141 goofy-looking guys who can't get a date, 895 01:00:04,309 --> 01:00:07,812 lonely old guys or couples even. 896 01:00:07,980 --> 01:00:11,148 I mean, there are probably thousands of babies 897 01:00:11,316 --> 01:00:14,360 born from "Jigglebuns Part 2" alone. 898 01:00:14,528 --> 01:00:16,529 Yeah. 899 01:00:17,698 --> 01:00:19,532 Maybe. 900 01:00:22,744 --> 01:00:24,787 Got a girlfriend? 901 01:00:27,165 --> 01:00:29,375 No. 902 01:00:29,543 --> 01:00:31,002 I don't know. 903 01:00:31,169 --> 01:00:34,714 There was this one girl I liked... Amanda. 904 01:00:36,591 --> 01:00:38,718 But she's a dork. 905 01:00:38,885 --> 01:00:41,554 And I'm a dork. 906 01:00:42,723 --> 01:00:45,766 I think dork dating is still illegal in most states. 907 01:00:47,352 --> 01:00:49,645 You're just scared. 908 01:00:50,647 --> 01:00:51,772 I'm not scared. 909 01:00:51,940 --> 01:00:54,734 Young and scared of the real thing. 910 01:00:56,653 --> 01:00:59,155 You're scared it won't be like a movie. 911 01:01:02,951 --> 01:01:05,369 If you could be anywhere in the world right now, 912 01:01:05,537 --> 01:01:07,455 where would you be? 913 01:01:07,622 --> 01:01:09,540 I don't know. 914 01:01:09,708 --> 01:01:11,625 Well, think of someplace. 915 01:01:11,793 --> 01:01:13,586 But how am I gonna get there? 916 01:01:13,754 --> 01:01:16,756 You gonna drive me in the bonermobile? 917 01:01:23,013 --> 01:01:25,389 Okay. 918 01:01:26,767 --> 01:01:28,559 Oregon. 919 01:01:28,727 --> 01:01:31,312 What's in Oregon? 920 01:01:31,480 --> 01:01:33,189 It's natural out there. 921 01:01:33,357 --> 01:01:36,025 I don't know. It's spiritual. 922 01:01:38,195 --> 01:01:41,364 There's the ocean and clams on the beach. 923 01:01:41,531 --> 01:01:42,948 Great dope. 924 01:01:43,116 --> 01:01:46,494 Me and Kayla, we get a place in the woods... 925 01:01:46,661 --> 01:01:47,995 a log cabin. 926 01:01:48,163 --> 01:01:51,332 Nobody looking down their noses at us anymore. 927 01:01:51,500 --> 01:01:54,835 I heard of a family who did that once. 928 01:01:55,003 --> 01:01:56,545 Really? 929 01:01:56,713 --> 01:01:58,547 Yeah. 930 01:01:58,715 --> 01:02:00,633 Gave it all up and moved out into the woods. 931 01:02:00,801 --> 01:02:02,885 That's cool. How'd they do? 932 01:02:03,053 --> 01:02:05,304 One winter they got snowed in 933 01:02:05,472 --> 01:02:07,807 and they had to eat their grandma. 934 01:02:11,478 --> 01:02:12,978 You know, for a young kid, 935 01:02:13,146 --> 01:02:15,815 you really are a negative downer. 936 01:02:18,276 --> 01:02:20,486 Sorry. 937 01:02:20,654 --> 01:02:22,863 You know what I hate more than anything else? 938 01:02:23,031 --> 01:02:25,282 Negativeness. 939 01:02:29,955 --> 01:02:32,164 Hmm. 940 01:02:36,336 --> 01:02:38,838 I sort of have a confession to make. 941 01:02:40,632 --> 01:02:42,299 I knew this was coming. 942 01:02:44,386 --> 01:02:46,637 I'm 17. 943 01:02:47,889 --> 01:02:49,849 17. 944 01:02:50,016 --> 01:02:51,642 Fuck. 945 01:02:52,811 --> 01:02:55,938 I think the last date I had with a 17-year-old, 946 01:02:56,106 --> 01:02:58,983 I was 12. 947 01:03:00,402 --> 01:03:01,861 I turn 18 in October. 948 01:03:04,614 --> 01:03:06,740 Hmm. 949 01:03:16,918 --> 01:03:18,836 You a virgin? 950 01:03:23,592 --> 01:03:25,134 It's cute. 951 01:03:25,302 --> 01:03:28,137 It's old-timey like a... 952 01:03:28,305 --> 01:03:31,807 like a kid still wanting to be president. 953 01:03:37,898 --> 01:03:39,690 Monica: I'm not stupid. 954 01:03:39,858 --> 01:03:42,276 You had this all planned. 955 01:03:42,444 --> 01:03:45,446 Tobe: Is that okay? We can go home. 956 01:03:45,614 --> 01:03:48,824 Monica: No. It's original. 957 01:03:48,992 --> 01:03:51,494 "A" for effort. 958 01:03:53,538 --> 01:03:56,707 - Pinch a little, don't twist. - Tobe: Oh. 959 01:03:56,875 --> 01:03:59,960 - You ain't changing channels. - I'm sorry. 960 01:04:01,880 --> 01:04:04,048 Monica: No, don't press on it. 961 01:04:04,216 --> 01:04:06,300 More like you're painting a house. 962 01:04:06,468 --> 01:04:07,968 Tobe: Is this good? 963 01:04:08,136 --> 01:04:10,221 Monica: There you go. 964 01:04:10,388 --> 01:04:12,640 Just like that. 965 01:04:12,807 --> 01:04:15,434 (moans) 966 01:04:15,602 --> 01:04:18,354 Now put a raincoat on your little friend there. 967 01:04:18,522 --> 01:04:22,191 - Tobe: Little? - Don't worry about it. 968 01:04:23,360 --> 01:04:26,278 - Tobe: Oh, wow. - Monica: Oh, that's right. 969 01:04:26,446 --> 01:04:29,031 - (Tobe moaning) - Back and forth. 970 01:04:29,199 --> 01:04:32,701 - Little circles. - (Tobe moaning louder) 971 01:04:32,869 --> 01:04:34,745 (Monica moaning) Little circles. 972 01:04:34,913 --> 01:04:37,039 (both moaning) 973 01:04:43,088 --> 01:04:45,381 (both sigh) 974 01:04:48,051 --> 01:04:50,052 ('30s music playing) 975 01:04:53,014 --> 01:04:55,015 Whoo! 976 01:04:55,183 --> 01:04:58,352 Whoo! Yeah! 977 01:05:00,313 --> 01:05:03,399 ♪ I love someone second to none ♪ 978 01:05:03,567 --> 01:05:06,485 ♪ But, Cupid, you hear me talking to you ♪ 979 01:05:06,653 --> 01:05:11,240 ♪ In making love he makes a dove look stupid ♪ 980 01:05:12,951 --> 01:05:15,786 ♪ He's made love a special art ♪ 981 01:05:15,954 --> 01:05:18,998 ♪ Gives me treatment for my heart ♪ 982 01:05:19,165 --> 01:05:21,542 ♪ I realized ♪ 983 01:05:21,710 --> 01:05:23,752 ♪ Right from the start... ♪ 984 01:05:23,920 --> 01:05:26,088 (answering machine beeps) 985 01:05:26,256 --> 01:05:28,340 Hey, Pop Pop, call me. 986 01:05:28,508 --> 01:05:31,093 Call me back on the telephone. 987 01:05:31,261 --> 01:05:33,012 You know, the telephone? 988 01:05:33,179 --> 01:05:34,930 Remember reading about that? 989 01:05:35,098 --> 01:05:37,433 It was invented shortly after your 40th birthday. 990 01:05:37,601 --> 01:05:40,102 It's where you can talk to people far away without having to yell real loud. 991 01:05:40,270 --> 01:05:42,187 Come on. 992 01:05:42,355 --> 01:05:44,189 (dialing) 993 01:05:44,357 --> 01:05:46,650 (ringing) 994 01:05:46,818 --> 01:05:48,777 Kenny: Steeno residence, Kenneth speaking. 995 01:05:48,945 --> 01:05:51,572 Kenny, it's Tobe. Hey, have you seen my grandpa? 996 01:05:51,740 --> 01:05:54,074 - Is he all right? - I was at the skin doctor all day. 997 01:05:54,242 --> 01:05:57,995 Do me a favor... find him. Tell him to ignore my last message. 998 01:05:58,163 --> 01:05:59,955 I don't think I'm coming back. 999 01:06:00,123 --> 01:06:01,915 Huh? Why? 1000 01:06:02,083 --> 01:06:03,917 Tell him I'm in love 1001 01:06:04,085 --> 01:06:06,295 with Monica Velour. 1002 01:06:06,463 --> 01:06:08,464 Who's that? 1003 01:06:08,632 --> 01:06:11,008 It's the lady in all my posters. 1004 01:06:11,176 --> 01:06:13,594 Just do it. 1005 01:06:13,762 --> 01:06:15,929 (chatting) 1006 01:06:20,977 --> 01:06:22,770 I don't know where you get that, but it's good. 1007 01:06:22,937 --> 01:06:25,189 I need that too. 1008 01:06:25,357 --> 01:06:28,359 Hot dogs. Get your hot dogs. 1009 01:06:28,526 --> 01:06:31,028 (men laughing) 1010 01:06:36,910 --> 01:06:39,161 Hi, Mommy. 1011 01:06:40,163 --> 01:06:41,997 Hey, baby. 1012 01:06:42,165 --> 01:06:44,416 Uh, why aren't you with your daddy? 1013 01:06:44,584 --> 01:06:46,710 Tobe said you wanted to see me. 1014 01:06:48,254 --> 01:06:49,838 Didn't I tell you never to go with strangers? 1015 01:06:50,006 --> 01:06:52,758 He's not a stranger. He's your friend. I saw him in your house. 1016 01:06:52,926 --> 01:06:54,927 What the hell are you doing? 1017 01:06:55,095 --> 01:06:56,804 Are you crazy? 1018 01:06:56,971 --> 01:06:58,722 You wanted to see her. Here she is. 1019 01:06:58,890 --> 01:07:01,558 And you didn't pick her up so there's no custody rules broken. 1020 01:07:01,726 --> 01:07:05,145 This is not cool. My ex finds out about this, he's gonna shit. 1021 01:07:06,272 --> 01:07:08,148 Johnny, watch Kayla, will you? 1022 01:07:08,316 --> 01:07:11,068 - Come here, Kayla. - Go on, baby. 1023 01:07:14,072 --> 01:07:15,739 What are those guys doing here? 1024 01:07:15,907 --> 01:07:19,034 - They're my friends. - They're the creeps who yelled at you. 1025 01:07:19,202 --> 01:07:22,538 Look, you can't do this, coming around out of the blue, 1026 01:07:22,706 --> 01:07:25,416 picking up my kid, asking all kinds of questions. 1027 01:07:25,583 --> 01:07:28,836 - Huh-uh. - Hey, who invited Oscar Mayer? 1028 01:07:29,003 --> 01:07:30,838 (laughing) 1029 01:07:31,005 --> 01:07:33,799 I'd like to see you. What about tomorrow? 1030 01:07:33,967 --> 01:07:36,009 I don't think so. I'm working. 1031 01:07:36,177 --> 01:07:38,053 You got a job? 1032 01:07:38,221 --> 01:07:42,474 Yeah, I'm gonna do some glamour work over at the Crestline Motor Lodge. 1033 01:07:42,642 --> 01:07:44,768 I'm gonna be a big star all over again. 1034 01:07:46,646 --> 01:07:50,190 Wait, that "Bunghole Burrito" movie? 1035 01:07:50,358 --> 01:07:51,859 I thought you said you didn't want to. 1036 01:07:52,026 --> 01:07:54,570 Yeah, well, when is life doing things you want to? 1037 01:07:54,738 --> 01:07:56,405 I need the money. You got any better suggestions? 1038 01:07:56,573 --> 01:08:01,243 I mean, I can't even get a six-buck- an-hour shampoo girl job in this town. 1039 01:08:01,411 --> 01:08:04,621 Not without someone waving a dick in my face. 1040 01:08:04,789 --> 01:08:07,082 - Well, what about Kayla? - What about Kayla? 1041 01:08:07,250 --> 01:08:09,877 Lawyers don't work for free. 1042 01:08:10,044 --> 01:08:12,880 No, you said that if people find out you're back in the business, 1043 01:08:13,047 --> 01:08:14,298 you would never get custody. 1044 01:08:14,466 --> 01:08:17,843 Well, maybe I'll get lucky this time. 1045 01:08:18,011 --> 01:08:19,803 Nobody will ever know I did it. 1046 01:08:19,971 --> 01:08:21,764 The way this one sounds, 1047 01:08:21,931 --> 01:08:24,600 they're not gonna be taking any close-ups of my face anyway. 1048 01:08:24,768 --> 01:08:27,352 There has to be something else though. 1049 01:08:27,520 --> 01:08:29,313 This could ruin everything. 1050 01:08:29,481 --> 01:08:31,064 What are you getting so high and mighty for? 1051 01:08:31,232 --> 01:08:34,693 You wouldn't even know who I was unless I balled on camera. 1052 01:08:39,949 --> 01:08:42,451 Come on, Linda. Beer's getting cold. 1053 01:08:42,619 --> 01:08:44,453 I mean warm. 1054 01:08:44,621 --> 01:08:47,664 - And I'm getting cold. Come on. - (laughing) 1055 01:08:47,832 --> 01:08:50,501 You know something? You're just like all the rest. 1056 01:08:51,544 --> 01:08:55,631 You spend your whole life looking for some wild jungle sex machine. 1057 01:08:55,799 --> 01:08:59,176 And when you find one all you want to do is turn her into fucking June Cleaver. 1058 01:09:00,887 --> 01:09:03,972 I just... I just don't think you should do it. I could help you. 1059 01:09:04,140 --> 01:09:06,558 Look, I don't need another guy 1060 01:09:06,726 --> 01:09:08,936 trying to run my life. 1061 01:09:09,103 --> 01:09:10,604 You're not my boyfriend. 1062 01:09:10,772 --> 01:09:13,315 You're some kid I took home 'cause I felt sorry for. 1063 01:09:13,483 --> 01:09:15,150 And you're fucking 17. 1064 01:09:15,318 --> 01:09:18,445 I mean, all you know about is, like, book reports 1065 01:09:18,613 --> 01:09:20,197 and dances at the gym 1066 01:09:20,365 --> 01:09:23,033 and some stupid movies I did 30 years ago. 1067 01:09:23,201 --> 01:09:26,995 I mean, that's fantasy. This is reality. 1068 01:09:27,163 --> 01:09:29,164 That's something you know nothing about. 1069 01:09:29,332 --> 01:09:32,376 And the reality is that me and every other woman in the world... 1070 01:09:35,338 --> 01:09:37,214 we have minds of our own. 1071 01:09:37,382 --> 01:09:40,592 So unless you want to buy some Arab slave girl 1072 01:09:40,760 --> 01:09:42,594 or a thing you blow up with a bicycle pump, 1073 01:09:42,762 --> 01:09:44,930 you'd better learn to fucking deal with it. 1074 01:09:53,523 --> 01:09:55,023 You should go. 1075 01:09:55,191 --> 01:09:58,318 Monica, really, I care about you. 1076 01:09:58,486 --> 01:10:01,196 Yeah, that's not my name. 1077 01:10:02,740 --> 01:10:04,491 Hey, you got ears, weenie boy? 1078 01:10:04,659 --> 01:10:07,202 The lady don't want you around here. 1079 01:10:07,370 --> 01:10:09,872 You're busting up the party. Amscray. 1080 01:10:13,167 --> 01:10:16,003 Okay, I want you to call your daddy 1081 01:10:16,170 --> 01:10:18,005 and tell him that you're with a girlfriend 1082 01:10:18,172 --> 01:10:19,882 and you're gonna be home soon, okay? 1083 01:10:20,049 --> 01:10:22,259 Okay. 1084 01:10:48,328 --> 01:10:50,412 - (snorting) - Yeah, baby. 1085 01:10:50,580 --> 01:10:53,415 Oh, fuck me! 1086 01:10:53,583 --> 01:10:55,667 - (laughs) - Later. 1087 01:11:07,347 --> 01:11:09,264 (laughing) 1088 01:11:09,432 --> 01:11:11,224 I see you. 1089 01:11:57,689 --> 01:11:59,606 (gagging) 1090 01:11:59,774 --> 01:12:02,275 Oh, fuck. 1091 01:12:13,997 --> 01:12:15,831 (crackling) 1092 01:12:17,959 --> 01:12:19,751 (knocks) 1093 01:12:19,919 --> 01:12:21,461 Hey, Tobe. 1094 01:12:24,882 --> 01:12:27,509 I was wondering if I'd ever see you again. 1095 01:12:29,303 --> 01:12:33,265 Here to bestow me with the wondrous educated hot dog? 1096 01:12:33,433 --> 01:12:35,225 Yeah. 1097 01:12:35,393 --> 01:12:37,728 Sorry, I got caught up in some stuff. 1098 01:12:37,895 --> 01:12:40,063 That's five grand, right? 1099 01:12:44,944 --> 01:12:47,237 What kind of stuff catches you up in Loogootee? 1100 01:12:47,405 --> 01:12:51,366 Well, there's this woman I'm involved in. 1101 01:12:51,534 --> 01:12:53,702 You work fast. 1102 01:12:53,870 --> 01:12:56,329 I sort of knew her from before. 1103 01:12:56,497 --> 01:12:59,374 Oh, the thick plottens. 1104 01:12:59,542 --> 01:13:01,418 (laughs) 1105 01:13:04,255 --> 01:13:06,089 Everything hunky-dory? 1106 01:13:07,967 --> 01:13:10,177 I don't know. Maybe... 1107 01:13:10,344 --> 01:13:11,803 maybe I need some advice. 1108 01:13:11,971 --> 01:13:14,723 Well, if you don't mind 1109 01:13:14,891 --> 01:13:17,601 that I've lived alone for going on 10 years. 1110 01:13:17,769 --> 01:13:22,314 When I was your age a computer would fill this whole barn. 1111 01:13:22,482 --> 01:13:23,690 Sit down. 1112 01:13:35,369 --> 01:13:38,330 This girl that I... 1113 01:13:38,498 --> 01:13:41,500 or this woman that I'm with, 1114 01:13:41,667 --> 01:13:44,711 she's a mess. 1115 01:13:44,879 --> 01:13:47,339 I see. 1116 01:13:47,507 --> 01:13:49,966 I mean, she's angry all the time. 1117 01:13:50,134 --> 01:13:54,930 You know, it's like she's given up on things ever going right for her. 1118 01:13:55,098 --> 01:13:58,433 It's like the biggest problem she has is her. 1119 01:13:59,977 --> 01:14:02,687 Sounds like a lot of people sometime. 1120 01:14:05,942 --> 01:14:08,193 How old is your lady-friend? 1121 01:14:09,695 --> 01:14:11,947 Uh, 49. 1122 01:14:12,115 --> 01:14:15,992 You know, I hate to be the one to say this to you but... 1123 01:14:17,870 --> 01:14:20,455 but you may not be big enough to go on this ride. 1124 01:14:22,166 --> 01:14:24,376 She's surrounded by creeps. 1125 01:14:24,544 --> 01:14:26,837 They're just taking total advantage of her. 1126 01:14:27,004 --> 01:14:30,215 We bring people into our lives for a reason. 1127 01:14:30,383 --> 01:14:32,634 She brought you into hers. 1128 01:14:32,802 --> 01:14:35,345 I want to help her. 1129 01:14:35,513 --> 01:14:39,766 I know I can make things better for her. 1130 01:14:39,934 --> 01:14:42,519 Yeah, helping people... 1131 01:14:44,105 --> 01:14:46,481 tricky biz. 1132 01:14:46,649 --> 01:14:50,068 Now you can open the door and they just stay there. 1133 01:14:50,236 --> 01:14:52,696 Or even jump out the window. 1134 01:14:54,532 --> 01:14:56,867 But she's gonna ruin her life. 1135 01:14:57,034 --> 01:15:00,829 I don't... what should I do? 1136 01:15:00,997 --> 01:15:02,998 You care about her? 1137 01:15:03,166 --> 01:15:04,332 Yeah. 1138 01:15:04,500 --> 01:15:07,919 Her, not just you and her? 1139 01:15:10,590 --> 01:15:12,007 Uh-huh. 1140 01:15:14,302 --> 01:15:15,760 (sighs) 1141 01:15:15,928 --> 01:15:18,513 Then you have to do the first thing that comes into your mind. 1142 01:15:18,681 --> 01:15:20,932 Unless it involves automatic weapons. 1143 01:15:21,100 --> 01:15:23,351 Or semi-automatic weapons. 1144 01:15:25,146 --> 01:15:27,105 Even if you flop, 1145 01:15:27,273 --> 01:15:29,482 it'll be real. 1146 01:15:29,650 --> 01:15:31,985 It'll be a Tobe... 1147 01:15:32,153 --> 01:15:33,570 Hulbert. 1148 01:15:33,738 --> 01:15:37,115 It'll be a Tobe Hulbert flop. 1149 01:15:39,619 --> 01:15:41,578 But what if I do flop? 1150 01:15:43,789 --> 01:15:46,374 Well, 1151 01:15:46,542 --> 01:15:50,212 my dad, also Claude, was a magician 1152 01:15:52,089 --> 01:15:54,049 back when people really wanted to believe 1153 01:15:54,217 --> 01:15:56,801 in something that was obviously unreal. 1154 01:15:56,969 --> 01:15:59,429 When I would watch him do his act, 1155 01:15:59,597 --> 01:16:02,182 it would be another layer 1156 01:16:02,350 --> 01:16:05,435 of mystery for me and my mom, 1157 01:16:05,603 --> 01:16:08,730 if the tricks he did last week 1158 01:16:08,898 --> 01:16:11,274 would work this week. 1159 01:16:12,735 --> 01:16:14,736 They didn't always. 1160 01:16:15,863 --> 01:16:19,407 Sometimes the rabbit would be in heat. 1161 01:16:19,575 --> 01:16:21,618 Or the assistant got drunk. 1162 01:16:21,786 --> 01:16:24,913 Even magic can let you down sometimes. 1163 01:16:26,582 --> 01:16:30,252 But when I would ask him about things going wrong, 1164 01:16:30,419 --> 01:16:33,588 he said, 1165 01:16:33,756 --> 01:16:36,424 "Show up on time, 1166 01:16:36,592 --> 01:16:39,094 do your act 100% 1167 01:16:39,262 --> 01:16:40,679 and hope for the best." 1168 01:16:42,932 --> 01:16:44,766 So there you have it. 1169 01:16:44,934 --> 01:16:47,018 From my dad to you. 1170 01:16:48,271 --> 01:16:50,605 Show up on time. 1171 01:16:50,773 --> 01:16:52,899 Do your act 100%. 1172 01:16:54,902 --> 01:16:56,528 And hope? 1173 01:16:56,696 --> 01:16:58,738 And hope. 1174 01:17:01,659 --> 01:17:04,327 Anything else? 1175 01:17:07,081 --> 01:17:08,581 - See you. - Bye. 1176 01:17:08,749 --> 01:17:11,751 Thanks for the bike. Wish me luck. 1177 01:17:11,919 --> 01:17:16,298 All effort only postpones our inevitable failures. 1178 01:17:16,465 --> 01:17:19,551 - What? - Good luck. 1179 01:17:50,624 --> 01:17:52,584 (knocking) 1180 01:17:54,712 --> 01:17:57,213 Yeah, no. Just... 1181 01:17:58,841 --> 01:18:01,384 (knocks) 1182 01:18:03,679 --> 01:18:05,055 Listen, not happening, buddy, all right? 1183 01:18:05,222 --> 01:18:07,140 Wait wait. 1184 01:18:07,308 --> 01:18:09,684 Oh, yeah, okay. Yeah yeah. Come on in. 1185 01:18:09,852 --> 01:18:11,978 Hurry up. 1186 01:18:13,773 --> 01:18:15,440 I don't want him to be part of this. 1187 01:18:15,608 --> 01:18:17,609 Who fucking cares what you want? 1188 01:18:17,777 --> 01:18:19,569 The more the merrier. 1189 01:18:19,737 --> 01:18:21,738 And just for that, Tinker Bell here gets first pop. 1190 01:18:24,367 --> 01:18:26,826 Listen, you little stalker from a time warp. 1191 01:18:32,249 --> 01:18:33,541 Producer: All right, come on. Strip down, bro. 1192 01:18:33,709 --> 01:18:36,044 It's almost game time. I want to get some test shots. 1193 01:18:36,212 --> 01:18:39,047 Work on your wood, dude. Time is money. 1194 01:18:43,302 --> 01:18:45,929 I'm gonna go grab me some smokes. 1195 01:18:46,097 --> 01:18:47,806 And lube up, honey. I want to get rolling. 1196 01:18:47,973 --> 01:18:49,891 Director: Where are you going? 1197 01:18:58,109 --> 01:19:00,777 (all laughing) 1198 01:19:02,446 --> 01:19:04,781 (knocking) 1199 01:19:06,450 --> 01:19:08,576 It's the cops. 1200 01:19:08,744 --> 01:19:11,037 I'll handle this. 1201 01:19:12,665 --> 01:19:14,040 Howdy, Officers. 1202 01:19:14,208 --> 01:19:16,709 I got a report of some suspicious activities in here. 1203 01:19:16,877 --> 01:19:20,713 No, just making a good old fashioned all-American dirty movie. 1204 01:19:20,881 --> 01:19:22,549 You fellas care to join us? 1205 01:19:22,716 --> 01:19:24,843 Uh, no. 1206 01:19:25,010 --> 01:19:27,345 We need to see IDs from everyone. 1207 01:19:27,513 --> 01:19:28,638 Come on, guys. It's gonna be fine. 1208 01:19:28,806 --> 01:19:29,889 You in charge here? 1209 01:19:30,057 --> 01:19:32,809 Yeah, Rod Kroger. This is my director Luke Rivet. 1210 01:19:37,857 --> 01:19:40,483 - Underage. 17. - What? What? 1211 01:19:40,651 --> 01:19:43,778 Are you... Rod, come on. Rod! Rod! 1212 01:19:45,114 --> 01:19:48,450 Come on. Come on. He's not even supposed to be here. 1213 01:19:48,617 --> 01:19:50,702 We haven't shot anything yet, all right? 1214 01:19:50,870 --> 01:19:53,580 Son, you know what's going on here? 1215 01:19:54,790 --> 01:19:57,584 They just told me if I did what they said I could have a good time 1216 01:19:57,751 --> 01:19:59,752 - and make some money. - Luke: Liar! 1217 01:19:59,920 --> 01:20:01,880 Get him out of here. 1218 01:20:02,882 --> 01:20:05,842 - Grab your gear, kid. - Bitch, you set us up. 1219 01:20:06,010 --> 01:20:09,012 Party's over, amigos. 1220 01:20:26,864 --> 01:20:30,992 Oh, Jesus H Christ taking a dump. What now? 1221 01:20:33,204 --> 01:20:35,705 Mrs. Hulbert, your son here 1222 01:20:35,873 --> 01:20:38,666 almost got into some very serious trouble. 1223 01:20:38,834 --> 01:20:41,544 I really think you need to keep a closer watch on him, 1224 01:20:41,712 --> 01:20:44,881 his acquaintances, his classmates, 1225 01:20:45,049 --> 01:20:47,550 his internet sites. 1226 01:20:47,718 --> 01:20:49,928 Pornography is an evil thing. 1227 01:20:50,095 --> 01:20:52,305 Thank you, Officer. 1228 01:20:54,058 --> 01:20:55,892 Love her with all your might, Tobe. 1229 01:20:56,060 --> 01:20:58,770 (clicks) She's the only one you got. 1230 01:21:09,198 --> 01:21:11,157 Man, I loved her in "Frankenbooty." 1231 01:21:11,325 --> 01:21:12,909 Female cop: What? 1232 01:21:14,119 --> 01:21:16,120 That's two jobs you screwed me out of. 1233 01:21:16,288 --> 01:21:17,914 And you almost got me busted. 1234 01:21:18,082 --> 01:21:20,250 Spent my last 20 bucks on a cab ride home. 1235 01:21:20,417 --> 01:21:22,377 You got some fucking explaining to do, kiddo. 1236 01:21:25,839 --> 01:21:27,674 I, uh... 1237 01:21:27,841 --> 01:21:29,676 I thought these might help you in court. 1238 01:21:31,971 --> 01:21:33,680 Jesus. 1239 01:21:34,807 --> 01:21:37,350 He's an even bigger asswipe than I thought. 1240 01:21:37,518 --> 01:21:39,561 If that's possible. 1241 01:21:44,608 --> 01:21:47,902 Oh man. I'm gonna gold frame this one. 1242 01:21:53,784 --> 01:21:55,868 What is this? 1243 01:21:56,036 --> 01:21:58,121 It's 5000. 1244 01:21:58,289 --> 01:22:00,206 For you. 1245 01:22:00,374 --> 01:22:03,334 Holy Christ. 1246 01:22:05,921 --> 01:22:07,213 What do I got to do? 1247 01:22:07,381 --> 01:22:09,215 Nothing. 1248 01:22:10,884 --> 01:22:12,969 It's for Oregon. 1249 01:22:13,971 --> 01:22:16,889 You, me, Kayla. 1250 01:22:26,525 --> 01:22:28,526 What? 1251 01:22:28,694 --> 01:22:31,696 I really need the money but... 1252 01:22:36,243 --> 01:22:37,660 We can't. 1253 01:22:37,828 --> 01:22:39,704 Well, I... 1254 01:22:39,872 --> 01:22:42,540 I could go to school, work part time. 1255 01:22:42,708 --> 01:22:44,584 You could, I don't know, 1256 01:22:44,752 --> 01:22:46,836 start a business or something. 1257 01:22:47,004 --> 01:22:48,755 Oh, come on. 1258 01:22:48,922 --> 01:22:51,341 I need some old fart who's got a good job 1259 01:22:51,508 --> 01:22:53,885 and wants to settle down. I got a kid. 1260 01:22:55,012 --> 01:22:57,805 I mean, you're 17. 1261 01:22:57,973 --> 01:23:01,225 No guy your age wants to be a father. 1262 01:23:01,393 --> 01:23:03,061 You need to do things. 1263 01:23:03,228 --> 01:23:05,104 You need to see the world. 1264 01:23:06,940 --> 01:23:09,692 You'd leave us high and dry. 1265 01:23:10,819 --> 01:23:13,446 Kayla's got one half-ass dad already. 1266 01:23:13,614 --> 01:23:16,407 That's more than enough. 1267 01:23:16,575 --> 01:23:19,035 But... 1268 01:23:19,203 --> 01:23:22,789 this has been so great, right? 1269 01:23:22,956 --> 01:23:26,834 I've done more this week than I've probably done my whole life. 1270 01:23:27,002 --> 01:23:29,212 I mean, you're incredible. 1271 01:23:29,380 --> 01:23:31,339 - Don't. - I love... 1272 01:23:31,507 --> 01:23:33,174 Huh-uh. 1273 01:23:33,342 --> 01:23:35,843 You're only gonna make it worse. 1274 01:23:38,972 --> 01:23:40,932 Don't I get to decide what I can say? 1275 01:23:41,100 --> 01:23:43,059 No. Not this time. 1276 01:23:43,227 --> 01:23:46,646 You're the baby. I'm the grownup here. 1277 01:23:51,735 --> 01:23:53,695 Fuck you. 1278 01:23:55,948 --> 01:23:58,491 - Get up. - No. 1279 01:24:01,161 --> 01:24:03,663 Get up. 1280 01:24:17,678 --> 01:24:19,303 Okay. 1281 01:24:19,471 --> 01:24:21,639 I'm gonna make this nice and easy. 1282 01:24:23,100 --> 01:24:26,102 This is you and this is me. 1283 01:24:28,480 --> 01:24:30,189 Again. 1284 01:24:30,357 --> 01:24:32,275 You. 1285 01:24:32,443 --> 01:24:34,610 Me. 1286 01:24:37,030 --> 01:24:39,991 You need to go. 1287 01:24:41,326 --> 01:24:43,202 Go home. 1288 01:24:43,370 --> 01:24:47,623 Get a girlfriend your own age and do something with your life. 1289 01:24:52,421 --> 01:24:54,922 But I sold the truck to help you. 1290 01:24:56,258 --> 01:24:58,509 You made me happy. I want you to be happy. 1291 01:24:58,677 --> 01:25:00,344 You're Monica Velour. I never even thought... 1292 01:25:00,512 --> 01:25:02,180 Shh. 1293 01:25:06,435 --> 01:25:08,102 Kiss me. 1294 01:25:27,080 --> 01:25:28,998 I've done it all. 1295 01:25:30,375 --> 01:25:32,668 But I think I like kissing best. 1296 01:26:28,976 --> 01:26:32,395 Fuck you. Fuck you! Fuck you! 1297 01:27:19,943 --> 01:27:22,236 (sighs) 1298 01:27:37,628 --> 01:27:40,212 (crying) 1299 01:27:55,270 --> 01:27:57,229 Work of art. 1300 01:28:34,685 --> 01:28:35,935 (Mexican music playing) 1301 01:28:38,271 --> 01:28:40,356 (men shouting, cheering) 1302 01:29:19,271 --> 01:29:20,896 Oh my God. 1303 01:29:21,064 --> 01:29:23,232 (moaning) 1304 01:29:25,902 --> 01:29:27,319 Oh! 1305 01:29:27,487 --> 01:29:30,990 - You ever heard of a knock? - Oh boy. 1306 01:29:31,158 --> 01:29:35,077 What are you doing watching my videos? 1307 01:29:35,245 --> 01:29:37,163 Hey, it's my house, okay? 1308 01:29:37,330 --> 01:29:38,914 Goodbye, candypants. 1309 01:29:39,082 --> 01:29:41,333 Listen, I'll call you tomorrow down the hall, all right? 1310 01:29:43,712 --> 01:29:47,131 Oh, Pop Pop. Impressionable young mind here. 1311 01:29:49,051 --> 01:29:50,676 You could never be a doctor. 1312 01:29:50,844 --> 01:29:53,846 Damn, there goes my lifelong career goal. 1313 01:29:54,014 --> 01:29:55,973 Pop Pop: You could have wrote, you know. 1314 01:29:56,141 --> 01:29:58,059 You could have answered the phone. 1315 01:29:58,226 --> 01:30:00,770 - I was busy. - Yeah, I see. 1316 01:30:00,937 --> 01:30:05,149 Yeah, while you were out proposing to Miss October 1914, 1317 01:30:05,317 --> 01:30:07,651 I thought maybe I might enjoy myself for a while. 1318 01:30:07,819 --> 01:30:09,445 How'd you know? 1319 01:30:09,613 --> 01:30:12,323 The kid told me. What's his name? Neighbor's boy. 1320 01:30:16,203 --> 01:30:18,579 Are you okay? Did you have a good time? 1321 01:30:18,747 --> 01:30:21,082 Did you get cash for the truck? 1322 01:30:21,249 --> 01:30:23,292 Yeah, I did. 1323 01:30:25,295 --> 01:30:27,505 Did you miss me? 1324 01:30:29,007 --> 01:30:30,883 What the hell do you think? 1325 01:30:31,051 --> 01:30:33,427 Who else have I got in my life 1326 01:30:33,595 --> 01:30:36,305 except for you, you skinny little pain in the ass? 1327 01:30:36,473 --> 01:30:38,474 Kenny: I knew you'd be back. 1328 01:30:41,561 --> 01:30:44,396 - (Kenny screams) - Pop Pop, it's against the law. 1329 01:30:44,564 --> 01:30:45,523 Pop Pop: All right, all right. 1330 01:30:45,690 --> 01:30:48,275 Maybe I should just hang out with Tommy Komenski. 1331 01:30:48,443 --> 01:30:51,779 Kenny, Kenny, Kenny. Uh, he's sorry. 1332 01:30:51,947 --> 01:30:53,614 Just don't tell your parents, okay? 1333 01:30:53,782 --> 01:30:57,368 He's too old to do jail time. What's up? 1334 01:30:57,536 --> 01:30:59,495 I tried to tell you on the phone. 1335 01:30:59,663 --> 01:31:01,831 Some girl came by. She was looking for you. 1336 01:31:01,998 --> 01:31:04,083 She gave me this. 1337 01:31:19,182 --> 01:31:21,392 (gargling) 1338 01:31:24,354 --> 01:31:25,729 (cracks) 1339 01:31:37,325 --> 01:31:39,285 - Tobe: Amanda? - That's me. 1340 01:31:39,452 --> 01:31:42,413 Hey, it's Tobe from school. 1341 01:31:42,581 --> 01:31:44,957 I got your note. What's up? 1342 01:31:45,125 --> 01:31:49,503 Amanda: Not much. Just babysitting all summer. 1343 01:31:49,671 --> 01:31:52,298 Tobe: So you like Russ Meyer? 1344 01:31:52,465 --> 01:31:55,843 Amanda: Totally. "Beneath the Valley of the Ultra-Vixens" 1345 01:31:56,011 --> 01:32:00,973 is like "Our Town" on acid and, like, Viagra. 1346 01:32:02,517 --> 01:32:05,978 I found your gift on the lawn. Sorry my dad scared you away. 1347 01:32:06,146 --> 01:32:08,147 Tobe: Oh yeah. 1348 01:32:08,315 --> 01:32:11,025 Amanda: Don't worry, he scares everyone away. 1349 01:32:13,028 --> 01:32:14,528 So where were you? 1350 01:32:14,696 --> 01:32:16,739 Tobe: I sold my truck 1351 01:32:16,907 --> 01:32:20,492 and wanted to drive around and see the country. 1352 01:32:20,660 --> 01:32:22,494 Amanda: Really? 1353 01:32:22,662 --> 01:32:25,456 Last time I stopped by, your friend told me you were marrying a hooker. 1354 01:32:25,624 --> 01:32:28,125 Tobe: What? No, no hookers. That's Kenny. 1355 01:32:28,293 --> 01:32:30,628 Kenny fell out of a Tilt-a-Whirl when he was eight. 1356 01:32:30,795 --> 01:32:32,546 He hasn't been the same since. 1357 01:32:32,714 --> 01:32:36,592 I've seen him try to make phone calls with a cable remote. 1358 01:32:36,760 --> 01:32:38,427 Amanda: Good. 1359 01:32:38,595 --> 01:32:41,931 I don't go out with married guys. 1360 01:32:43,892 --> 01:32:46,518 Tobe: So we should hang out sometime. 1361 01:32:48,438 --> 01:32:50,564 Amanda: I don't work weekends. 1362 01:33:02,410 --> 01:33:04,370 (camera clicks) 1363 01:33:45,453 --> 01:33:47,788 (instrumental music playing) 96157