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1
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... for once, I agree with Gizmo.
2
00:00:01,017 --> 00:00:03,266
You do overuse the vampiric hypnosis.
3
00:00:03,277 --> 00:00:05,153
- What? And you don't?
- I don't need to.
4
00:00:05,167 --> 00:00:08,904
I can rely on my wit and wisdom,
not cheap tricks and gambits.
5
00:00:08,938 --> 00:00:10,639
Electrical audio recording.
6
00:00:10,673 --> 00:00:13,309
Testing. One, two and...
7
00:00:13,342 --> 00:00:15,678
My point being, I can
wander about these humans
8
00:00:15,711 --> 00:00:17,680
without having to resort to hypnosis.
9
00:00:17,713 --> 00:00:19,949
I'm a student of the human condition,
10
00:00:19,982 --> 00:00:22,184
a psychological
chameleon, one might say.
11
00:00:22,583 --> 00:00:24,036
Well, one might also say
12
00:00:24,047 --> 00:00:27,471
that you have hypnotized your
best friend Sean many times.
13
00:00:27,482 --> 00:00:30,253
Yeah, to clear up your mess,
but I don't say anything
14
00:00:30,264 --> 00:00:32,692
that causes Sean any kind of alarm.
15
00:00:32,743 --> 00:00:34,619
In fact, if you talk
to Sean, he'll tell you
16
00:00:34,630 --> 00:00:36,626
I'm just one of the guys.
17
00:00:36,637 --> 00:00:37,978
Well, he's my friend, too.
18
00:00:37,989 --> 00:00:39,474
That's 'cause he's a nice guy,
19
00:00:39,485 --> 00:00:41,060
which makes it doubly embarrassing
20
00:00:41,070 --> 00:00:42,905
when you say dumb shit like,
21
00:00:43,080 --> 00:00:46,612
"I am a vampire, I've
lived for 2,000 years.
22
00:00:46,623 --> 00:00:48,050
"I like to suck-a the blood.
23
00:00:48,061 --> 00:00:49,729
"Oh, shit. I fucked up.
24
00:00:49,740 --> 00:00:52,643
I'll now have to hypnotize
the whole fucking world."
25
00:00:53,842 --> 00:00:56,581
- I don't do that.
- You do do that.
26
00:00:56,592 --> 00:00:58,204
You just said "Doo doo."
27
00:00:58,431 --> 00:01:00,977
Touché. Can we get on with this?
28
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- Synced and corrected by naFraC -
- www.addic7ed.com -
29
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I am not imagining anything.
30
00:01:39,072 --> 00:01:41,881
Something is going very
tits up with my life.
31
00:01:41,892 --> 00:01:44,761
- In what ways?
- I don't know, Colin Robinson.
32
00:01:44,772 --> 00:01:48,150
How about, my nightclub
got destroyed by fire?
33
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- Which you set.
- I was drinking
34
00:01:50,350 --> 00:01:52,702
liquor blood every day for months.
35
00:01:52,713 --> 00:01:53,941
I know, my darling, but we did all
36
00:01:53,951 --> 00:01:55,434
- tell you to slow down.
- Slow down.
37
00:01:55,445 --> 00:01:56,886
- We did tell you to slow down.
- And no one,
38
00:01:56,897 --> 00:01:58,993
none of you told me to slow down!
39
00:01:59,004 --> 00:02:02,552
- Uh...
- And now, my poor, precious little dolly
40
00:02:02,563 --> 00:02:05,054
has got her body all
mangled and minced up.
41
00:02:05,065 --> 00:02:07,369
You did that by sitting on me.
42
00:02:07,380 --> 00:02:09,282
While you were drunk on liquor blood.
43
00:02:09,293 --> 00:02:10,928
After we told you to slow down.
44
00:02:10,939 --> 00:02:14,378
- Yes.
- This is never going to end.
45
00:02:14,389 --> 00:02:17,300
Now, now, Nadja. There,
there. It is going to end.
46
00:02:17,311 --> 00:02:19,234
And I have just the thing
that's going to help you.
47
00:02:19,245 --> 00:02:22,062
Don't tell me, Nandor. Hypnosis.
48
00:02:22,073 --> 00:02:23,274
Uh...
49
00:02:23,285 --> 00:02:26,366
Hypnosis seems to be Nandor's
solution to every problem.
50
00:02:26,377 --> 00:02:29,398
And as a fellow vampire,
I find this artless,
51
00:02:29,409 --> 00:02:31,453
and even embarrassing.
52
00:02:31,464 --> 00:02:35,001
You plan to hypnotize my
wife free of all her woes?
53
00:02:35,012 --> 00:02:37,053
- No, actually.
- Really?
54
00:02:37,064 --> 00:02:39,299
What was it then?
55
00:02:39,333 --> 00:02:40,941
You know what? The
atmosphere in this room
56
00:02:40,952 --> 00:02:43,001
- is not really conducive to positive...
- Hey...
57
00:02:43,012 --> 00:02:44,527
... contributions, so just forget it.
58
00:02:51,084 --> 00:02:52,726
Surprise!
59
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I'm back.
60
00:02:54,890 --> 00:02:56,518
- Were you gone?
- Yes.
61
00:02:56,529 --> 00:02:58,618
I was gone for a while.
62
00:02:58,938 --> 00:03:00,854
I have been sitting over there
63
00:03:00,865 --> 00:03:02,803
at the Vampiric Council headquarters
64
00:03:02,814 --> 00:03:05,684
wondering if you guys
were going to come back.
65
00:03:05,695 --> 00:03:07,766
After a while, I just decided,
66
00:03:07,777 --> 00:03:09,896
"Maybe they forgot I even exist!"
67
00:03:12,831 --> 00:03:14,490
Says here we're on track
68
00:03:14,501 --> 00:03:18,372
for a higher than usual level
of precipitation this month.
69
00:03:18,405 --> 00:03:20,240
- No doubt.
- Mm.
70
00:03:20,822 --> 00:03:23,922
So, what did I miss?
71
00:03:24,050 --> 00:03:26,207
What's the old gang been up to, huh?
72
00:03:26,218 --> 00:03:29,658
Actually, I'm going to sit in
that chair in a few minutes.
73
00:03:29,669 --> 00:03:32,238
No problemo. It's more
comfortable over here.
74
00:03:32,452 --> 00:03:34,803
Any fun activities planned for tonight?
75
00:03:34,814 --> 00:03:36,658
Yes, we're off for a night on the town
76
00:03:36,669 --> 00:03:39,084
- with Sean and his friends.
- Ha, ha!
77
00:03:39,095 --> 00:03:41,917
Is this like a "Come
one, come all" type deal?
78
00:03:41,928 --> 00:03:43,582
Uh, not sure.
79
00:03:43,593 --> 00:03:45,388
I'll give you a ring when I get there.
80
00:03:45,399 --> 00:03:47,090
All right.
81
00:03:47,101 --> 00:03:49,094
But you don't have a phone.
82
00:03:49,105 --> 00:03:50,508
That was weird, right?
83
00:03:50,519 --> 00:03:53,195
I know it's hard to break
into a vampire clique.
84
00:03:53,206 --> 00:03:55,976
Oh, no. What happened
to your little body?
85
00:03:56,009 --> 00:03:58,151
- She sat on me.
- No.
86
00:03:58,162 --> 00:04:00,579
They've never invited
me to live in the house.
87
00:04:00,590 --> 00:04:05,148
Apparently, they are not allowed
to have a fifth vampire here,
88
00:04:05,159 --> 00:04:08,055
due to some zoning regulation
89
00:04:08,088 --> 00:04:10,415
that I have never heard of.
90
00:04:13,902 --> 00:04:16,344
I was never much of a
wine guy when I was younger.
91
00:04:16,355 --> 00:04:18,504
- Same.
- But that's 'cause we were drinking to get drunk.
92
00:04:18,515 --> 00:04:20,157
Now that we're older,
93
00:04:20,168 --> 00:04:23,542
you know, you can appreciate
the concept of moderation.
94
00:04:23,553 --> 00:04:25,011
Or Charmaine told you you
better start appreciating it
95
00:04:25,021 --> 00:04:26,656
if you don't want to keep sleeping
96
00:04:26,690 --> 00:04:28,124
on an army cot in the garage.
97
00:04:28,158 --> 00:04:30,274
- Come on.
- Whoa. Why you got to bring that up?
98
00:04:30,285 --> 00:04:33,422
Wine can of their wits the wise beguile,
99
00:04:33,521 --> 00:04:37,000
make a sage frolic,
and the serious smile.
100
00:04:37,246 --> 00:04:40,272
Whoa! We got a fucking poet over here.
101
00:04:40,283 --> 00:04:41,338
Classic Laz.
102
00:04:41,349 --> 00:04:42,829
Now I'd like to claim that as my own,
103
00:04:42,839 --> 00:04:44,976
it was actually written
a long time ago by Homer.
104
00:04:44,987 --> 00:04:46,344
Oh. Homer's great.
105
00:04:46,355 --> 00:04:48,826
- Yeah. D'oh!
- Yeah. D'oh.
106
00:04:48,837 --> 00:04:50,305
Yes!
107
00:04:50,751 --> 00:04:53,736
Wine is very cool.
108
00:04:53,799 --> 00:04:55,125
Um...
109
00:04:55,136 --> 00:04:56,987
That was... Nandor.
110
00:04:57,020 --> 00:05:00,690
- Hmm.
- Oh, me. But seriously,
111
00:05:00,724 --> 00:05:02,492
yeah, how come you guys never drink?
112
00:05:02,547 --> 00:05:05,089
I mean, I don't think I've
ever seen you guys take a sip
113
00:05:05,100 --> 00:05:06,529
of nothing ever.
114
00:05:06,563 --> 00:05:08,915
- Uh...
- Never?
115
00:05:08,926 --> 00:05:10,633
- No?
- No.
116
00:05:10,667 --> 00:05:11,968
What's up with that?
117
00:05:12,002 --> 00:05:16,077
Actually, uh, I drink lots of fluids.
118
00:05:16,088 --> 00:05:18,316
- Oh.
- Red fluids.
119
00:05:18,327 --> 00:05:21,518
If Nandor were to engage his
brain just once before speaking,
120
00:05:21,529 --> 00:05:24,222
he would not fall back on hypnosis.
121
00:05:24,233 --> 00:05:26,302
Much like your wine.
122
00:05:27,358 --> 00:05:30,302
- Except it is not wine.
- Hmm.
123
00:05:30,313 --> 00:05:31,755
Okay.
124
00:05:31,966 --> 00:05:33,114
What is it then?
125
00:05:33,124 --> 00:05:34,275
- Um...
- Um...
126
00:05:34,286 --> 00:05:36,165
I don't know why I said that.
127
00:05:36,176 --> 00:05:39,631
A real vampire uses
wit, wisdom and charm.
128
00:05:39,642 --> 00:05:42,222
What he's trying to
say is, um, he's more
129
00:05:42,233 --> 00:05:44,302
of a Red Bull and vodka guy.
130
00:05:44,313 --> 00:05:45,753
Oh!
131
00:05:45,764 --> 00:05:47,499
- Yeah.
- Yes, yes.
132
00:05:47,532 --> 00:05:49,196
The reason you don't see us drinking is,
133
00:05:49,207 --> 00:05:52,026
'cause we pre-gamed before
we got here very heavily.
134
00:05:52,037 --> 00:05:53,718
There you go. Budget conscious.
135
00:05:53,729 --> 00:05:55,531
And you never see us eat anything
136
00:05:55,728 --> 00:05:57,496
'cause I don't want
what's going down there
137
00:05:57,507 --> 00:06:00,046
to come back up here and
across your stupid faces.
138
00:06:00,057 --> 00:06:03,294
Yeah!
139
00:06:04,115 --> 00:06:06,350
See? Little charm goes a long way.
140
00:06:07,098 --> 00:06:08,400
That was close.
141
00:06:09,272 --> 00:06:10,539
And on top of this
142
00:06:10,550 --> 00:06:13,486
bag of shit things that
keep happening to me,
143
00:06:13,578 --> 00:06:16,547
I've got no one to talk to about it.
144
00:06:16,558 --> 00:06:18,210
I am here.
145
00:06:18,221 --> 00:06:21,356
Yes, yes, but you know what I mean.
146
00:06:21,367 --> 00:06:23,435
I have got absolutely
147
00:06:23,468 --> 00:06:26,805
no really close female friends anymore.
148
00:06:26,816 --> 00:06:28,005
None?
149
00:06:28,287 --> 00:06:30,898
Nope. Go figure.
150
00:06:30,909 --> 00:06:33,910
I just felt like we had gotten closer
151
00:06:34,046 --> 00:06:38,750
with the nightclub and
everything, and...
152
00:06:38,783 --> 00:06:40,797
So you're telling me
153
00:06:40,808 --> 00:06:44,836
you have no close female friends?
154
00:06:45,382 --> 00:06:47,161
None at all.
155
00:06:50,234 --> 00:06:52,971
What do I got to do?
156
00:06:53,318 --> 00:06:55,979
It's got an ass-load of terroir.
157
00:06:55,990 --> 00:06:58,044
- What the fuck do you know, terroir?
- What do you mean?
158
00:06:58,055 --> 00:07:00,158
Nandor, uh, I don't know
whether you've noticed,
159
00:07:00,169 --> 00:07:02,911
but Gizmo seems a bit odd lately.
160
00:07:02,922 --> 00:07:04,865
Yeah, I mean, he's been
a bit distant lately,
161
00:07:04,876 --> 00:07:08,245
but I think it's because I haven't
given him enough shit work.
162
00:07:08,256 --> 00:07:09,837
You know what it's like with familiars.
163
00:07:09,848 --> 00:07:12,523
If you don't give them enough shit work,
then they have too much time
164
00:07:12,534 --> 00:07:15,156
to contemplate their
own pathetic existences.
165
00:07:15,167 --> 00:07:16,902
I think it might be something else.
166
00:07:16,913 --> 00:07:20,350
I have a theory, but I could
just be imagining things.
167
00:07:20,765 --> 00:07:22,811
I don't understand
what's taking so long.
168
00:07:22,822 --> 00:07:24,647
How long did it take when
you were made into a vampire
169
00:07:24,658 --> 00:07:27,326
to fully, you know, become a vampire?
170
00:07:27,337 --> 00:07:29,172
For me it was, like, six to eight hours,
171
00:07:29,183 --> 00:07:32,153
but as with all things,
your mileage may vary.
172
00:07:32,164 --> 00:07:34,160
It's been three weeks.
Why am I not a vampire?
173
00:07:34,171 --> 00:07:35,896
- I should be a vampire by now.
- Maybe you are one,
174
00:07:35,907 --> 00:07:37,275
and you just don't realize it.
175
00:07:37,286 --> 00:07:39,213
Okay, hang on. Have you tried this?
176
00:07:39,224 --> 00:07:41,397
Form of... Microchiroptera.
177
00:07:46,575 --> 00:07:48,908
No. I can't do that.
If I could do that, I wouldn't be here.
178
00:07:48,919 --> 00:07:51,383
- Have you tried?
- Yes, of course, I've tried.
179
00:07:51,714 --> 00:07:53,216
Try now.
180
00:07:53,924 --> 00:07:55,242
Okay.
181
00:07:56,562 --> 00:07:57,655
Bat.
182
00:07:58,490 --> 00:08:01,379
Whoa! That is some freaky shit.
183
00:08:01,390 --> 00:08:02,863
- Hey, Derek?
- Toilets!
184
00:08:02,874 --> 00:08:05,052
- It's overflowing.
- Yeah, um, I've got to...
185
00:08:05,063 --> 00:08:06,731
Hold that thought.
186
00:08:06,845 --> 00:08:08,513
- Derek!
- Coming!
187
00:08:16,635 --> 00:08:19,038
I think I have everything we need.
188
00:08:19,049 --> 00:08:20,547
For what?
189
00:08:20,558 --> 00:08:22,409
All these troubles you're having...
190
00:08:22,420 --> 00:08:24,777
I hate to say it, but
I think it might be...
191
00:08:24,788 --> 00:08:26,157
a hex.
192
00:08:26,518 --> 00:08:28,657
Do you mean, like, a curse?
193
00:08:28,668 --> 00:08:32,230
No, no, curses are just
supernatural excuses
194
00:08:32,263 --> 00:08:34,349
people make up for being losers.
195
00:08:34,360 --> 00:08:37,330
Hexes, on the other
hand... that's a real thing.
196
00:08:37,408 --> 00:08:40,645
Targeted harassment brought
on by your own past actions.
197
00:08:40,656 --> 00:08:43,025
- Right.
- Let's just rule it out.
198
00:08:43,036 --> 00:08:45,566
Is there anyone in your life,
199
00:08:45,577 --> 00:08:49,214
current or past, that
you have treated unkindly?
200
00:08:49,225 --> 00:08:50,660
- Nope.
- No one?
201
00:08:50,671 --> 00:08:52,075
- No.
- Never?
202
00:08:52,086 --> 00:08:54,047
- No.
- No one?
203
00:08:54,058 --> 00:08:55,326
Nope.
204
00:08:56,214 --> 00:08:58,693
- Oh, that's the way.
- Please stop fucking doing that.
205
00:08:58,704 --> 00:09:00,244
- Why? Why?
- What's wrong with you?
206
00:09:00,255 --> 00:09:02,917
Hey, hey, hey, hey, boys.
207
00:09:02,928 --> 00:09:04,729
Why don't we just play nice?
208
00:09:04,740 --> 00:09:06,418
No, it's bullshit.
209
00:09:06,429 --> 00:09:09,999
That's a fucking
eight-dollar bottle of wine,
210
00:09:10,010 --> 00:09:11,545
and he's putting ice in it!
211
00:09:11,556 --> 00:09:14,528
That's what they do in France!
212
00:09:14,539 --> 00:09:17,403
- Come on. Marone.
- Easy now, fellows.
213
00:09:17,414 --> 00:09:19,206
Mikey's right. That is
what they do in France.
214
00:09:19,244 --> 00:09:22,569
What the fuck do you
know from fucking France?
215
00:09:22,580 --> 00:09:24,858
Oh! My cousin is from France.
216
00:09:24,869 --> 00:09:27,687
Your cousin is from fucking Quebec!
217
00:09:27,698 --> 00:09:30,134
- How dare you.
- But I'm right, ain't I?
218
00:09:30,145 --> 00:09:31,857
- Ain't I? Huh?
- Quit doing the fucking chin thing.
219
00:09:31,868 --> 00:09:33,134
- Fuck you.
- Get the fuck out of...
220
00:09:33,145 --> 00:09:34,282
Hey... stop it!
221
00:09:35,727 --> 00:09:37,295
- Stop it!
- Shouldn't we, uh...?
222
00:09:37,306 --> 00:09:38,981
No, I think let them just carry on.
223
00:09:38,992 --> 00:09:41,280
- They're having a great time.
- You know, I think
224
00:09:41,291 --> 00:09:43,011
Céline Dion is from Quebec.
225
00:09:43,022 --> 00:09:44,430
Céline who?
226
00:09:44,441 --> 00:09:45,704
Céline Dion.
227
00:09:45,737 --> 00:09:46,948
I don't know who she is.
228
00:09:46,959 --> 00:09:49,914
- Vegas showgirl, singer type.
- Is she good?
229
00:09:49,925 --> 00:09:52,143
Fucking bring it!
230
00:09:52,177 --> 00:09:54,468
Fuck you!
231
00:09:54,479 --> 00:09:56,281
- That's not good.
- No it's not.
232
00:09:56,292 --> 00:09:57,498
That's not good at all.
233
00:09:57,509 --> 00:09:59,644
All right, nothing
to see here, everyone.
234
00:09:59,655 --> 00:10:01,792
- Maybe we should, uh, skedaddle.
- Yeah.
235
00:10:01,803 --> 00:10:03,883
- Whoops.
- You really got me.
236
00:10:03,894 --> 00:10:06,062
- Oh.
- Sorry for the ruckus, Jimmy.
237
00:10:06,073 --> 00:10:08,077
- Not my name.
- We'll get this cleaned up
238
00:10:08,088 --> 00:10:09,788
and squared away in no time.
239
00:10:09,799 --> 00:10:11,827
I think she's calling the police.
240
00:10:11,838 --> 00:10:14,595
Why don't you hypnotize them,
Nandor? You're so fond of that.
241
00:10:14,606 --> 00:10:16,524
I don't think that will be necessary.
242
00:10:16,535 --> 00:10:18,659
Maybe you fellas should
apologize to Jimmy.
243
00:10:18,670 --> 00:10:20,003
- Not my name.
- Sorry, Jimmy.
244
00:10:20,014 --> 00:10:21,804
- And offer to pay for the window.
- Yo!
245
00:10:21,815 --> 00:10:23,404
- Shit.
- Who the fuck's
246
00:10:23,415 --> 00:10:25,201
- this bonanza?
- Oh, go, go, go!
247
00:10:25,212 --> 00:10:27,868
- What's going on here, fellas?
- Officer, thank goodness.
248
00:10:27,879 --> 00:10:29,748
This window... it exploded,
249
00:10:29,759 --> 00:10:32,428
and it nearly blew the
asses off these guys.
250
00:10:32,439 --> 00:10:35,408
- What guys?
- These guys. The, uh...
251
00:10:36,011 --> 00:10:37,528
- Uh...
- You need some help?
252
00:10:37,538 --> 00:10:38,892
No, I got this.
253
00:10:38,903 --> 00:10:41,275
There were these guys.
This much we know.
254
00:10:41,286 --> 00:10:43,591
But there was also this window,
255
00:10:43,602 --> 00:10:45,248
- and the, uh...
- Mikey?
256
00:10:45,259 --> 00:10:48,389
- I...
- Oh, fuck off, Terry. It was an accident.
257
00:10:48,400 --> 00:10:50,702
Whatever, Mikey. I'm filing a report.
258
00:10:50,713 --> 00:10:53,433
Hold on there. Do you two
fellas know each other?
259
00:10:53,444 --> 00:10:54,988
Yeah, Terry, Seany,
260
00:10:54,999 --> 00:10:56,625
Frank and I... we all went
to high school together.
261
00:10:56,636 --> 00:10:59,873
Oh, so this is Terry?
These fellas... they speak
262
00:10:59,884 --> 00:11:01,099
very highly of you.
263
00:11:01,110 --> 00:11:05,184
- This guy? Get the fuck out of here.
- No. It's absolutely true.
264
00:11:05,195 --> 00:11:07,071
I've waited a long time
265
00:11:07,082 --> 00:11:10,037
to meet the world-famous
Terry from high school.
266
00:11:10,048 --> 00:11:12,195
And now I have, and
I'll tell you something.
267
00:11:12,206 --> 00:11:13,889
I'm not disappointed.
268
00:11:13,900 --> 00:11:14,900
- For real?
- Oh, yes.
269
00:11:14,911 --> 00:11:17,134
- Shit. That's good.
- Just a bit of charm.
270
00:11:17,145 --> 00:11:18,319
And I'll wager
271
00:11:18,330 --> 00:11:20,465
not many constables could
think of a creative way out
272
00:11:20,498 --> 00:11:22,271
of this particular predicament,
273
00:11:22,282 --> 00:11:24,536
and that's because they're not Terry.
274
00:11:28,020 --> 00:11:29,650
Sean, I don't know what
you're doing down there,
275
00:11:29,661 --> 00:11:31,497
but it doesn't look like a good idea.
276
00:11:31,508 --> 00:11:33,749
Hey, Terry, see you next fall.
277
00:11:33,760 --> 00:11:35,242
- Come on, book it. Let's go.
- Shit.
278
00:11:35,253 --> 00:11:37,198
- All right.
- Eat shit and die, Terry.
279
00:11:38,360 --> 00:11:39,683
Where did you get those chains?
280
00:11:39,694 --> 00:11:41,516
- From the car.
- What car?
281
00:11:41,527 --> 00:11:42,533
- Right over here!
- Here.
282
00:11:42,544 --> 00:11:45,479
Get in, losers! We're going shopping!
283
00:11:45,490 --> 00:11:48,030
No, no, no, no, no, don't steal my car!
284
00:11:48,041 --> 00:11:50,584
You stole my car back in school!
285
00:11:50,595 --> 00:11:52,139
You sold me that piece of shit!
286
00:11:52,150 --> 00:11:54,703
Drive on, motherfuckers.
287
00:12:02,381 --> 00:12:04,003
Eat shit, Terry!
288
00:12:10,339 --> 00:12:11,621
Am I needed for this bit,
289
00:12:11,632 --> 00:12:13,327
or can I just take a
nap while you do your...
290
00:12:13,338 --> 00:12:14,672
Shh! Honestly.
291
00:12:15,786 --> 00:12:16,872
It's this way?
292
00:12:16,883 --> 00:12:19,291
Is it this way? I'm listening.
293
00:12:19,506 --> 00:12:20,725
No, no. Oh.
294
00:12:20,759 --> 00:12:22,460
Oh, oh, oh, oh.
295
00:12:22,587 --> 00:12:25,423
It's here.
296
00:12:28,289 --> 00:12:30,591
- Is this yours?
- No,
297
00:12:30,602 --> 00:12:32,904
but, no, I know this woman.
298
00:12:32,915 --> 00:12:35,691
This is Yiaya Neikia. In Antipaxos,
299
00:12:35,702 --> 00:12:37,737
this is a very bad-luck woman.
300
00:12:37,748 --> 00:12:39,652
A real shit-stirrer.
301
00:12:39,663 --> 00:12:42,286
How did this get here?
302
00:12:42,594 --> 00:12:45,485
That ought to do it.
303
00:12:46,810 --> 00:12:48,178
Oh, my.
304
00:12:49,332 --> 00:12:50,608
What?!
305
00:12:50,619 --> 00:12:53,401
- Oh.
- This shriveled bitch!
306
00:12:56,454 --> 00:12:58,931
Now that really ought to do it.
307
00:12:58,942 --> 00:13:00,839
Um...
308
00:13:01,836 --> 00:13:03,324
- Oh, my...
- What?!
309
00:13:06,830 --> 00:13:08,932
Ew-kay.
310
00:13:09,040 --> 00:13:12,418
This is a little bit
really bad, isn't it?
311
00:13:19,877 --> 00:13:21,419
Didn't feel a thing.
312
00:13:21,430 --> 00:13:23,315
Think I went out of bounds.
313
00:13:23,326 --> 00:13:25,639
Jesus.
314
00:13:25,650 --> 00:13:26,825
Everybody good?
315
00:13:26,858 --> 00:13:29,494
- Holy shit.
- Hey, look, I didn't even spill my wine.
316
00:13:29,505 --> 00:13:32,808
- Nice.
- That was some GTA5 shit.
317
00:13:32,819 --> 00:13:34,834
Yo, yo, Mikey, Mikey,
you got a little cut.
318
00:13:34,845 --> 00:13:36,501
That's gonna be a good
scar in the morning.
319
00:13:36,534 --> 00:13:38,492
- Yeah. Go ahead.
- Say, boys.
320
00:13:38,503 --> 00:13:40,026
I've got a great idea.
321
00:13:40,037 --> 00:13:42,807
What say we... call it a night?
322
00:13:43,031 --> 00:13:45,543
Laszlo makes a good
point. Maybe we should all just
323
00:13:45,577 --> 00:13:48,592
- go home and go to bed?
- Oh! Look what I found!
324
00:13:48,603 --> 00:13:50,148
- Look what I found.
- Oh!
325
00:13:50,181 --> 00:13:52,720
- Nice!
- Breaker 1-9, Breaker 1-9.
326
00:13:52,731 --> 00:13:54,051
This is Rubber Duck.
327
00:13:54,062 --> 00:13:55,782
- That's a good reference.
- Yeah.
328
00:13:55,793 --> 00:13:57,191
- 10-4, yeah.
- That's nothing.
329
00:13:57,202 --> 00:13:58,411
Look what I found.
330
00:13:58,422 --> 00:13:59,722
Whoa.
331
00:13:59,733 --> 00:14:01,248
Why don't you put that back in the car?
332
00:14:01,259 --> 00:14:02,341
Laz is right.
333
00:14:02,352 --> 00:14:04,225
We got to tell Terry about that.
334
00:14:04,236 --> 00:14:06,164
Cop's not supposed to lose his gun.
335
00:14:06,175 --> 00:14:08,308
It's real bad. I saw it in a movie once.
336
00:14:08,319 --> 00:14:09,923
Yeah, we should leave the gun,
337
00:14:09,934 --> 00:14:12,909
- go home and go to bed.
- Empty the bullets, dipshit.
338
00:14:12,920 --> 00:14:14,775
You know, that's a felony...
to have a loaded weapon?
339
00:14:17,543 --> 00:14:19,636
- Very loud.
- What the fuck are you doing?
340
00:14:19,647 --> 00:14:21,160
You told me to get rid of the bullets.
341
00:14:21,171 --> 00:14:23,721
- I said, empty the clip!
- That's what I'm doing!
342
00:14:24,143 --> 00:14:26,654
See? Now it's empty,
343
00:14:26,665 --> 00:14:28,762
- idiot.
- Oh, shit. Terry snitched.
344
00:14:28,773 --> 00:14:30,740
- Oh. Shit.
- We got to hit the bricks.
345
00:14:30,751 --> 00:14:33,525
Go, go, go. Come on, boys, let's go!
346
00:14:37,044 --> 00:14:38,129
You're not coming?
347
00:14:38,163 --> 00:14:40,090
Well, if you want to
be a coward, Nandor.
348
00:14:40,101 --> 00:14:41,787
- Freeze!
- Put your hands up.
349
00:14:41,798 --> 00:14:43,691
- Hands where we can see them.
- Uh, no, not really. I just thought maybe
350
00:14:43,702 --> 00:14:45,115
it's what you wanted to do. Hi.
351
00:14:45,126 --> 00:14:46,433
- Shit. There's a lot of them.
- Stay there, stay there.
352
00:14:46,444 --> 00:14:48,292
- Evening.
- Evening, gentlemen.
353
00:14:48,303 --> 00:14:49,597
I'm sure you're wondering
354
00:14:49,608 --> 00:14:52,033
what are those two chaps
doing with one of our cars?
355
00:14:52,044 --> 00:14:53,801
Firstly, there were these guys.
356
00:14:53,812 --> 00:14:55,325
- Ah.
- This much we know.
357
00:14:55,336 --> 00:14:58,216
But, also, there was this window.
358
00:14:59,156 --> 00:15:00,495
Uh...
359
00:15:00,506 --> 00:15:02,911
- Nandor, would you mind if I dealt with this?
- Would you?
360
00:15:02,922 --> 00:15:04,631
Now, tell me something, fellas.
361
00:15:04,642 --> 00:15:08,582
Is it true what they say
about Staten Island policemen?
362
00:15:11,274 --> 00:15:14,104
- Well.
- Well.
363
00:15:14,691 --> 00:15:17,056
- You tried.
- Yup.
364
00:15:17,221 --> 00:15:19,237
Not one of my finest moments.
365
00:15:19,274 --> 00:15:20,811
I think this could be a situation
366
00:15:20,822 --> 00:15:22,540
where hypnosis is warranted.
367
00:15:23,013 --> 00:15:24,781
I think you're right.
368
00:15:25,369 --> 00:15:26,864
Go ahead.
369
00:15:28,148 --> 00:15:29,903
No, well, you see,
there's a problem there.
370
00:15:29,914 --> 00:15:31,750
Um...
371
00:15:32,310 --> 00:15:34,078
I'm not very good at hypnosis.
372
00:15:35,108 --> 00:15:37,748
- Sorry. I didn't catch that.
- I said, I'm not very good at hypnosis.
373
00:15:37,759 --> 00:15:40,949
I never have been good at it,
and I don't think I ever will be.
374
00:15:41,236 --> 00:15:43,248
- Nonsense.
- Well, it's not.
375
00:15:43,259 --> 00:15:46,362
I mean, I can hypnotize
Sean, but only with your help.
376
00:15:46,948 --> 00:15:48,916
And only 'cause his brain's fucked.
377
00:15:48,927 --> 00:15:52,757
I should also admit that I've
been envious of your skills,
378
00:15:52,768 --> 00:15:55,807
which I think is the reason
why I take the piss out of you.
379
00:15:56,380 --> 00:15:58,349
Much as it pains me to say this,
380
00:15:58,484 --> 00:16:00,412
if anyone can get us out
of this situation, Nandor,
381
00:16:00,445 --> 00:16:02,283
I think it will be you.
382
00:16:03,453 --> 00:16:04,955
Okay, then.
383
00:16:05,133 --> 00:16:06,653
I will fix.
384
00:16:08,312 --> 00:16:09,974
Guards!
385
00:16:12,584 --> 00:16:16,492
So... I am hexed,
which... is not great.
386
00:16:16,503 --> 00:16:19,196
There is writing on the hex picture,
387
00:16:19,207 --> 00:16:21,076
but I haven't read
the Antipaxon language
388
00:16:21,087 --> 00:16:22,588
in hundreds of years, so...
389
00:16:25,998 --> 00:16:28,509
I am a little bit rusty.
390
00:16:28,520 --> 00:16:30,682
Could you maybe help
translate this picture
391
00:16:30,709 --> 00:16:33,166
- using your gray box?
- Sure.
392
00:16:33,177 --> 00:16:34,546
So I had to get Colin Robinson
393
00:16:34,579 --> 00:16:36,644
to help me translate
on his computer machine.
394
00:16:36,655 --> 00:16:39,807
And he told me something,
which, quite frankly,
395
00:16:39,818 --> 00:16:41,807
blew my mind apart.
396
00:16:41,818 --> 00:16:44,226
Or you could just walk
down to Little Antipaxos
397
00:16:44,237 --> 00:16:46,360
and have someone translate it for you.
398
00:16:46,371 --> 00:16:49,796
Wh-Which? There is a
Little Antipaxos? What?
399
00:16:49,807 --> 00:16:53,231
Oh, yeah, not too far from here,
just above Little Italy.
400
00:16:53,264 --> 00:16:56,185
That's the great melting
pot of America for you.
401
00:16:56,196 --> 00:16:58,689
- The broad mosaic.
- No, no, shut up.
402
00:16:58,700 --> 00:17:00,879
Are you saying there
is a Little Antipaxos
403
00:17:00,890 --> 00:17:02,592
right here on Staten Island?
404
00:17:02,603 --> 00:17:06,833
It's only, like, a four-block-by-two-block
area, but it's there.
405
00:17:14,435 --> 00:17:16,755
So much cheap crap and old fish.
406
00:17:17,078 --> 00:17:19,902
It's like looking out the
window of my childhood home.
407
00:17:19,913 --> 00:17:21,626
There is, in Staten Island,
408
00:17:21,660 --> 00:17:25,005
a neighborhood known
as "Little Antipaxos"!
409
00:17:26,076 --> 00:17:27,705
It is where all the Antipaxons
410
00:17:27,716 --> 00:17:29,685
who come to America work and live
411
00:17:29,696 --> 00:17:30,991
and laugh and love.
412
00:17:31,002 --> 00:17:32,005
I'm Nadja.
413
00:17:35,401 --> 00:17:36,948
Three for joy.
414
00:17:36,959 --> 00:17:39,332
Look! This is the beach of Voutoumi!
415
00:17:39,343 --> 00:17:42,376
I tried to lose my
virginity here so many times.
416
00:17:42,387 --> 00:17:44,322
Souvlaki. Stifado!
417
00:17:44,333 --> 00:17:46,068
The food of my youth!
418
00:17:46,079 --> 00:17:47,978
Of course the Greeks stole it from us,
419
00:17:47,989 --> 00:17:49,196
and claimed it as their own,
420
00:17:49,207 --> 00:17:50,665
but the real heads know
421
00:17:50,676 --> 00:17:54,010
that it originally came from Antipaxos.
422
00:17:54,021 --> 00:17:57,222
I mean, it would be wrong
not to just try a little bit.
423
00:17:58,595 --> 00:17:59,622
Mmm.
424
00:18:05,043 --> 00:18:06,244
So worth it.
425
00:18:06,255 --> 00:18:07,588
You can still sell that, I think.
426
00:18:07,599 --> 00:18:08,666
Thank you.
427
00:18:08,760 --> 00:18:11,129
Oh, this place.
428
00:18:12,291 --> 00:18:14,382
How fucking long have we lived here,
429
00:18:14,392 --> 00:18:15,770
and you never thought to tell me
430
00:18:15,781 --> 00:18:17,631
there was a Little
Antipaxos neighborhood,
431
00:18:17,642 --> 00:18:19,477
like, half a mile from our house?!
432
00:18:19,488 --> 00:18:20,656
You never asked.
433
00:18:24,015 --> 00:18:25,230
Oh, look.
434
00:18:25,241 --> 00:18:28,395
A shitty diner just like
my theía used to run.
435
00:18:28,406 --> 00:18:29,928
Come on.
436
00:18:39,876 --> 00:18:41,578
What did he say? What did he say?
437
00:18:41,589 --> 00:18:43,858
It is an Antipaxon thing.
438
00:18:48,641 --> 00:18:51,021
- What does the writing say?
- Oh, um,
439
00:18:51,032 --> 00:18:53,548
she says it says, "A simple act
440
00:18:53,559 --> 00:18:56,262
"of kindness, compassion and friendship
441
00:18:56,273 --> 00:18:59,510
will remove the hexes that
is on top of your head."
442
00:19:00,844 --> 00:19:03,096
Starting now, this a new me.
443
00:19:03,107 --> 00:19:06,611
Kind, welcoming, inclusive, sensitive
444
00:19:06,622 --> 00:19:08,261
to the feelings of others.
445
00:19:09,707 --> 00:19:10,975
What, what?
446
00:19:10,986 --> 00:19:12,279
Oh, it's very complicated.
447
00:19:12,290 --> 00:19:14,022
I-I don't think you can understand.
448
00:19:19,541 --> 00:19:24,179
No, I cannot say I have
heard of this before.
449
00:19:24,268 --> 00:19:26,933
- This fellow you speak of.
- Derek. Derek's friend.
450
00:19:26,944 --> 00:19:28,035
- Uh, you wouldn't have met him.
- Yeah,
451
00:19:28,046 --> 00:19:30,257
- because he lives in Canada.
- Yes.
452
00:19:30,268 --> 00:19:34,858
Ah. So, he was turned into a vampire
453
00:19:34,869 --> 00:19:38,499
by a vampire, but does not yet seem
454
00:19:38,510 --> 00:19:40,645
to be a vampire?
455
00:19:40,656 --> 00:19:42,198
Yeah, that's about the size of it, yeah.
456
00:19:42,209 --> 00:19:44,184
But, um, does that happen?
457
00:19:44,195 --> 00:19:45,539
Uh... uh...
458
00:19:58,229 --> 00:19:59,953
Neither of us have ever
heard of such a thing.
459
00:19:59,964 --> 00:20:01,641
- Mm.
- Mm. Okay.
460
00:20:07,272 --> 00:20:10,127
Oh. Could work, I suppose.
461
00:20:10,138 --> 00:20:11,773
- What could work?
- He says maybe
462
00:20:11,784 --> 00:20:15,711
repeat the turning process
with a different vampire.
463
00:20:15,722 --> 00:20:19,273
Of course, that could make
your friend a vampire-and-a-half
464
00:20:19,284 --> 00:20:20,687
or a double vampire,
465
00:20:20,698 --> 00:20:22,762
but who gives a shit?
I don't know this freak.
466
00:20:25,869 --> 00:20:28,672
Let us see what happens when
you turn a vampire twice.
467
00:20:28,959 --> 00:20:31,073
Jonathan is my neighbor.
468
00:20:31,084 --> 00:20:33,253
He used to run his leaf blower
469
00:20:33,264 --> 00:20:35,700
all the day long while
I was trying to sleep.
470
00:20:35,711 --> 00:20:38,190
So, I turned him into a
vampire, and now we're all good.
471
00:20:38,201 --> 00:20:40,134
- My Liege.
- Oh.
472
00:20:40,145 --> 00:20:44,835
How sweet. Arise,
Jonathan. We need your help.
473
00:20:44,846 --> 00:20:48,349
- Your wish is my command, My Liege.
- Oh. Boop.
474
00:20:48,947 --> 00:20:53,874
Okay, so since I
already turned Jonathan,
475
00:20:53,885 --> 00:20:56,455
I guess, uh... Yes, Derek, is it?
476
00:20:56,474 --> 00:20:57,875
- Uh, yes, sir.
- Right.
477
00:20:57,886 --> 00:21:01,587
Bite Jonathan and drink
some of his blood. Mm.
478
00:21:01,598 --> 00:21:04,869
- Okay, um... Hi. Uh, Derek.
- Mm. Mm.
479
00:21:04,880 --> 00:21:08,439
- Just gonna...
- Very good.
480
00:21:08,450 --> 00:21:12,259
Now Jonathan, have a
taste of Derek's blood.
481
00:21:12,270 --> 00:21:16,221
Ah, okay.
482
00:21:16,232 --> 00:21:18,101
Very nice. Thank you, gentlemen.
483
00:21:18,112 --> 00:21:21,595
So... did it work?
484
00:21:21,606 --> 00:21:24,304
Ah, how are you feeling, Jonathan?
485
00:21:24,315 --> 00:21:26,106
- Uh, I feel fine.
- Ah.
486
00:21:26,117 --> 00:21:28,188
I'm a little aggravated
because the motor
487
00:21:28,199 --> 00:21:30,001
in this here edge
trimmer keeps conking...
488
00:21:34,191 --> 00:21:38,229
So, at least now we know
one way that does not work.
489
00:21:38,263 --> 00:21:40,064
Huh.
490
00:21:45,303 --> 00:21:48,036
They really just gonna
let us walk out of here?
491
00:21:48,047 --> 00:21:50,373
How'd you pull that one off, Laz?
492
00:21:50,384 --> 00:21:53,295
Actually, Sean, it was I who, um...
493
00:21:53,528 --> 00:21:56,667
At ease. It was I who convinced
494
00:21:56,678 --> 00:21:59,017
your good friend Laszlo
495
00:21:59,028 --> 00:22:01,612
to, uh, use his notorious charm.
496
00:22:01,623 --> 00:22:02,855
- Yeah, yeah.
- Yeah.
497
00:22:02,866 --> 00:22:04,287
Between us, Nandor,
498
00:22:04,298 --> 00:22:06,564
what did you say to them back there?
499
00:22:06,575 --> 00:22:09,583
I just said that we had
solved all the crimes
500
00:22:09,594 --> 00:22:12,198
that Sean and his pals had committed.
501
00:22:12,209 --> 00:22:14,602
And, also, I got them
to give their friend Terry
502
00:22:14,613 --> 00:22:16,617
- a little promotion.
- Oh, really? Great.
503
00:22:16,628 --> 00:22:19,332
And, just for funsies, I told them
504
00:22:19,343 --> 00:22:22,012
that I was Captain Sully Sullenberger,
505
00:22:22,023 --> 00:22:25,205
and you were the gentleman
with the moustache
506
00:22:25,216 --> 00:22:27,045
in that cop show that you like.
507
00:22:27,056 --> 00:22:28,640
Thomas Selleck in Blue Bloods?
508
00:22:28,651 --> 00:22:30,153
- That's it!
- Good move.
509
00:22:30,164 --> 00:22:31,884
- Look. There's Terry.
- Hi, Terry.
510
00:22:31,895 --> 00:22:35,019
- Terry! Captain Dumbfuck.
- Well done, Nandor.
511
00:22:35,053 --> 00:22:37,304
Reporting for duty.
512
00:22:37,315 --> 00:22:39,751
I think I'll just have the tak...
513
00:22:39,762 --> 00:22:41,867
- Tak... tak...
- Tzat... tzatziki.
514
00:22:41,878 --> 00:22:43,553
- I'll get it. Tack...
- Tzat...
515
00:22:43,564 --> 00:22:47,869
Tacky. Tacky. Uh, but
without the, uh, yogurt.
516
00:22:55,567 --> 00:23:00,572
Halt!
517
00:23:00,745 --> 00:23:02,247
That was great.
518
00:23:07,249 --> 00:23:08,584
At ease.
519
00:23:09,040 --> 00:23:12,116
- At ease. At ease.
- Ah. There he is.
520
00:23:12,127 --> 00:23:13,358
At ease.
521
00:23:13,391 --> 00:23:15,160
- At ease. At ease.
- Hold on.
522
00:23:15,193 --> 00:23:16,451
No, no, no, I'm with
them. I'm with them.
523
00:23:16,461 --> 00:23:18,229
Gizmo, I need a word with you.
524
00:23:18,424 --> 00:23:19,899
- Okay.
- Coppers, fuck off.
525
00:23:19,910 --> 00:23:22,179
Yes, sir! Thank you, Mr. Selleck!
526
00:23:22,190 --> 00:23:24,408
I think it's about time you came clean.
527
00:23:24,995 --> 00:23:28,003
- About what?
- Well, the others aren't as observant as I am.
528
00:23:28,014 --> 00:23:29,849
But you've been off recently.
529
00:23:29,967 --> 00:23:31,335
And I've been watching you.
530
00:23:32,677 --> 00:23:34,245
- Uh-huh.
- Yeah.
531
00:23:34,397 --> 00:23:36,648
I think we got a bit
of a problem, Gizmo.
532
00:23:36,898 --> 00:23:38,625
The longer you keep it a secret,
533
00:23:38,636 --> 00:23:40,709
it's gonna remain a problem.
534
00:23:41,879 --> 00:23:43,747
I felt like I had no other choice, okay?
535
00:23:44,696 --> 00:23:46,386
I mean, Nandor's been
promising to make me a vampire
536
00:23:46,397 --> 00:23:48,148
for 12 years, and it's
never come true, all right?
537
00:23:48,159 --> 00:23:50,495
So, like, Derek, he was
right there, he's a vampire,
538
00:23:50,506 --> 00:23:51,767
- so of course I was gonna take... Yeah.
- Whoa, whoa.
539
00:23:51,778 --> 00:23:54,121
I asked Derek to make me into
a vampire, but I regretted it
540
00:23:54,132 --> 00:23:56,470
- the second it happened because...
- What the fuck?
541
00:23:57,003 --> 00:23:58,903
- I thought you said you figured it out.
- No!
542
00:23:58,914 --> 00:24:00,843
I just thought you had the shits.
543
00:24:00,854 --> 00:24:03,430
I was gonna tell you to steer
clear of the breakfast burritos.
544
00:24:03,441 --> 00:24:05,577
Too much of the chilaquiles.
545
00:24:05,841 --> 00:24:07,865
You let someone, who isn't your master,
546
00:24:07,876 --> 00:24:09,482
turn you into a vampire?
547
00:24:09,547 --> 00:24:11,828
- You fucking idiot.
- I know, okay, I know.
548
00:24:11,839 --> 00:24:13,674
And it seems to be taking
forever to take full effect.
549
00:24:13,685 --> 00:24:16,410
And I don't know what to do, okay?
So please, please don't tell Nandor.
550
00:24:16,421 --> 00:24:17,989
Tell Nandor?
551
00:24:18,000 --> 00:24:21,226
This is the greatest
humiliation for any vampire.
552
00:24:21,652 --> 00:24:24,007
I don't know if he
would even survive it.
553
00:24:27,076 --> 00:24:28,512
All right, I've got an idea.
554
00:24:28,523 --> 00:24:30,235
But you've got to do
exactly what I tell you.
555
00:24:30,268 --> 00:24:32,049
Okay, yes, of course.
556
00:24:32,060 --> 00:24:33,768
Despite the fact that
you've already been bitten
557
00:24:33,779 --> 00:24:36,176
by a vampire, I could persuade
558
00:24:36,187 --> 00:24:38,358
Nandor to bite you again.
559
00:24:38,476 --> 00:24:40,611
No one'd be any the wiser.
560
00:24:43,207 --> 00:24:44,597
I don't think that's gonna work.
561
00:24:44,608 --> 00:24:46,013
You don't?
562
00:24:46,718 --> 00:24:48,653
Well, then you're fucked.
563
00:24:50,411 --> 00:24:55,411
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- www.addic7ed.com -
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