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Life is like a parody
of your favorite song.

Just when you think
you know all the words,

surprise, you don't know anything.

Clear the way, clear the way!

-Clear!
-Shut that door, please!

Clear!

Dammit. Dammit!

All right, nurse, let's call it.

Time of death: 7:30--

Quick!

I need some paper,
and a number two pencil.

But... maybe
I'm getting a little ahead of myself.

Why don't we start
back at the beginning.

All gabardine suits are now 30% off.

Jenkins in to the windup,

and the three-two fastball is in the--

President Nixon is on board Air--

Whoo-whoo-whoo wind up your radio!

It's time for The Dr. Demento Show,

two hours of mad music
and crazy comedy

-from out of the archives...
-Alfy!

What have we told you
about listening to that garbage?

But Mom, it's Dr. Demento.
It's my favorite show in the whole world.

It's going to rot your brain.

You're lucky your father
wasn't here to catch you, mister.

You know how he feels
about that kind of music.

Yes, I know.

All right. Now go on, go get washed up.

Dinner will be ready in a few minutes.

Alfy, aren't you going to ask
your father how his day was?

Um, how was your day, Dad?

What, how was my day?

We had another fatality
down at the factory.

Oh, God, real grisly one this time.

It was that McKinley kid
that started last week.

I kept telling him
to stop messing around

by that industrial shredder,
but he just wouldn't listen.

I would've reached
out and grabbed him,

but I already lost one hand
to that cursed machine.

Well, anyway, there's an opening
down on the factory floor.

Maybe I could pull a few strings

and you could spend the summer
working with your old man.

How's that sound?

Um, no, thank you.

"No, thank you."

Well, you're gonna have to learn
sooner or later,

that factory, that factory
will make a man outta you.

But I don't wanna work at the factory.
I wanna make songs.

What? You wanna make songs?
Did you hear that, Mary?

We got a regular Bing Crosby
on our hands, don't we?

Nick, you're embarrassing him.

Oh, am I? Why don't you
sing us a little ditty, Bing, huh?

Such a little songbird.
Sing one for us.

Stop, stop! What in God's name
are you doing?

Those aren't the right words.

I know. I made 'em better.

By changing the lyrics
to a well-known song?

No, boy, what you're doing
is confusing and evil.

My God, and I will not have

that kind of blasphemy
in my own home.

But Dad...

What has gotten
into you, Alfred?

Hmm? With the songs and
the crazy magazines?

That is all gonna stop now,
young man!

Honey, I know it's hard to hear this,

but your dad and I had a long talk

and we agreed it would be best
for all of us

if you would just stop being who you are
and doing the things you love.

You don't understand me!

It was a few weeks later

when a mysterious stranger
showed up at my door

and changed my life forever.

Alfy, get the door.

Why, good afternoon, sir.
The gentleman of the house, I take it?

Well, congratulations.
Today is your lucky day.

How would you like to be
the envy of all of your friends

and the most popular fellow in town?

Well, everything you
need to make that happen...

is right here in this box.

Um, my dad is actually...

-Voila.

Feast your eyes.

Have you ever seen
such a gorgeous instrument?

Better yet, try it on.

Son, when you play the accordion,
you are a one-man band.

You are the life of every party.

Go ahead, son, tickle those ivories.

A natural talent.

Son, you cannot squander that.

You have got to buy this beauty,
and I guarantee it,

you are gonna have girls
lined up around the corner.

You're gonna need a lifeguard

because you're gonna be drowning

-in so much p--
-Hey! What's going on?

And hello to you, sir.

What are you doing in my house?

And why is my innocent young child
wearing that devil's squeeze box?

That's actually our newest--

I thought I told you to shut up!

I don't remember you telling me
to shut up before,

but if you're telling me now,
I will gladly--

Dad!

-Ah!

Dad, stop! You're killing him!

Nick? Oh, Nick, oh, Nick!

No, Nick! Hey!
Nicky, stop it right now!

You made me do this, boy.

You brought this evil into the house.
And now look at you.

Look at you.

Take that devilish monstrosity off
this very instant.

I don't wanna see you
ever wearing it again!

Nick, why don't you go
take a little walk?

I think you'd better cool off.

-Yeah. Yeah.

I could use some fresh air
because it stinks in here.

I'll be right back.
Don't go anywhere.

I'll be right here.

Mister, I'm so sorry about this.

My husband, he just has
a little bit of a temper,

but he is a good man and
he means well, but anyway,

if you're amenable to it,

we'd like to buy that accordion.

Mom! You mean it?

How do you feel about
an early Christmas present?

Yes! This is the best thing ever!
Thank you so much!

There's just one thing.

No one can see you playing it,
especially your father.

This is our secret.
Do you understand me?

Mom... does Dad hate me?

No, of course not, sweetie.

Then why is he always
so hard on me?

Listen, you're too young
to understand now,

but just trust me,
your father has his reasons.

I think I have
a collapsed lung.

We're trying to have
a conversation here, sir.

For the next few years
I kept to myself,

and tried my best
to please Mom and Dad,

but deep down,
I felt like I was living a lie.

Sure. I was well-behaved,
I got good grades,

but I never let anyone know
the real me.

Hey, Yankovic, you going to that party
at Hofstadter’s tonight?

-His parents are out of town.
-Ah, geez, guys, I don't know.

I'm not really allowed to go to parties.

You don't need to have
your parents' permission. Just sneak out.

I-I don't think I can.

My mom always tucks me in
in case I have night terrors.

You have night terrors?

No, I-- You know, just in case.

Well, just use a hay boy, then.

A hay boy? What's that?

-You don't know what a hay boy is?

Oh, dude, you've got a lot to learn.

Just let us handle everything.
We'll pick you up tonight.

Okay, yeah.

Night-night, Alfy. Don't let the bed bugs
give you night terrors.

I mean, Myron Floren is great and all,
Lawrence Welk sure likes him,

but he's way too overexposed.

For my money,
it's Whoopee John Wilfahrt

that really gets me just
hoppin' and steppin'.

I'm all about that Minnesota sound, man.

Look what I found!

Hey, hey! Hey, you didn't tell me
that this was gonna be a polka party.

-What, do you not like polka?
-No, I like it, it's--

My parents would kill me
if they knew I was here, okay?

I'm so, so sorry, guys. I-I-I gotta go.
I can't-- I can't be here, man.

Come on, Al. Live a little!
What's the worse that could happen?

You might actually let your guard down
and enjoy your life for once?

Yeah, yeah, I can...
let my guard down.

Hey... and sorry.

Hey, everybody, look what I found!

Dude, pass it here. Pass it.

-Okay, dude. Okay.

Al, here. You gotta try this.

Oh, no. No, no, thanks. I'm good.

Al's afraid his mommy and daddy

are gonna find out
he tried an accordion.

I just don't wanna play, okay?
Just, just lay off me, man!

No, guys--

-I'm not gonna--

I'm not-- I'm not-- I'm not--

Okay. Yeah, sure. I'll play, yeah.

-It's the cops! Everyone, run!

I'm sorry to disturb you, ma'am,

but I'm afraid we found your son
at a polka party.

He was playing an accordion.

That's impossible. Alfy's in--

A hay boy?! Really?

What did I do to deserve this,
huh? Huh?

It's like I don't even
know you anymore, Al.

You want me to be like you.
Look at me, I'm nothing like you.

You want me to work that factory.

Okay, I don't even know
what you make down there.

You just call it the factory.

You will find out what we make
at the factory

when you work at the factory!

Well, it's my life,
and I wanna make music

and I wanna play the accordion.

Ah, hogwash!

And I'm good. I'm really, really good!

How did you get good
at playing the accordion, huh? Huh?

It certainly wasn't
under my roof, was it?

What'd you do, sneak out
and practice in the woods

in the middle of the night?

No. I played it here, quietly.

Yeah, I play in the closet.

But I'm not a closet accordion player
anymore.

It feels good!

The closet, you say?

Hmm...

No-no-no. Dad, Dad, hey.
Hey, hey, hey, Dad.

No-no-no. You're not going--
It's not in there.

You're not gonna find anything in there.

Dad, what are you doing?
No, no, Dad-- No-no-no-no--

Dad, no. Dad, please.

-Uh-huh?
-Stop, stop.

-Boy.
-Stop. Stop it.

-Boy, this...
-Please, Dad. Please! No-no-no!

This is for your own good, boy.

No, I need this, I need this--

Nooo!

No, no, no, no, no!

You-- You think you're gonna stop me
from playing?

You'll see.
One day I'm gonna be the best--

Well, perhaps not technically the best,

but arguably the most
famous accordion player

in an extremely specific genre of music.

I'll show you.

I'll show everybody!

Get out!

-Good riddance!

Things at home
never got any better after that.

But within a few years, I graduated

and I was able to move out
and live on my own.

Well, with three other guys
in a dirt-cheap apartment,

but the point is, I didn't
have to answer to anybody.

-Hey, hey.
-Howdy.

Now I'd have a chance
to find others

who would truly understand me.

I could find my people.

-Okay.

-Okay, that's enough. Thanks.
-Mm.

Yeah. Very... very interesting.

So... we'll let you know, okay?

Great. Um, when?

Right now. You didn't make it.

This sucks.

It's the fifth audition
I've been kicked out of this week.

It's almost like nobody wants
an accordion player in their band.

That just doesn't make any sense.

Yeah. Accordions are cool.

That's the problem
with being on the bleeding edge.

You gotta wait for the rest of the world
to catch up with you.

I don't have time to wait.

If nobody wants to have me
in their group,

I'm just gonna have
to go it in on my own.

Don't worry,
it's gonna happen for you.

You just gotta hang in there.
We got your back.

Thanks, Bermuda. All you guys.
You've just been so great.

You really get me.

It is such a difference after living
with my folks for so long.

Yeah. And you know, the best part
of moving away from home

is you can do anything you want.
Hook up with girls...

Get high all the time.

Yeah, I mean, literally anything.
There are no rules.

Just last night, I was driving

down the wrong side of the 101
with my eyes closed,

not knowing whether I was
gonna live to see another day

or die in a horrible, fiery wreck.

Suck on that, Mom and Dad.

-Yeah. You get it, Steve.
-You go, Steve.

Oh, wow, Steve.

What about you, Al?

What's something you always
wanted to do,

but you were never allowed to?

Make up new words
to a song that already exists.

-Oh, well, you should do that, then.
-Absolutely.

Yeah. Why don't you do it right now?
Go on. Make up something brilliant.

No, guys, it's not that easy.
I gotta wait for inspiration to strike,

and I'm pretty sure that well dried up
a long time ago.

Oh, well, if you're not
gonna write us a song,

why don't you make us
some sandwiches?

Oh, yeah, dude, I'm starving.

Sandwich! Sandwich! Sandwich!

Okay, okay, okay. Guys, I'm on it.
Jim, you wanna put on some tunes?

Yeah.

Oh, Steve?
This bologna has your name on it.

-Can we?
-Uh, yeah, sure.

Just open up a package of my bologna.

Is this DJ asleep?
The record keeps skipping.

Hey! Wake up.

Al?

You okay?

Where did that come from?

Dude, I've got chills.

I don't know, it just came out of me.

I've never heard anything like that
before in my life.

You have to record that.

Record it? No, come on, guys.

Al, you've got something here.

I don't know if it comes
from God or the devil,

but the world needs to hear it.

No, forget it, guys. I don't have
the money for a recording studio.

I think the bathroom at the bus station
has pretty good acoustics.

Yeah, sounds good in here.

You can put it right there,
that works.

All right. Just mailed the tape off
to Captain Buffoon.

Now, I guess, all I gotta do
is sit back and wait to become famous.

Yeah, I don't think
that's quite how it works, Al.

Nobody becomes famous overnight.
That's a myth.

Sometimes it takes years,
decades of hard work to get noticed.

-What?
-Look, I believe in you.

I know it's gonna
happen for you someday,

but you can't just mail your
tape off to some disc jockey

and expect to instantly become
a sensation.

Man, why can't I catch a break?

Captain Buffoon on your radio dial.

No, I'm not making this up--

I just received this tape
in the mail a few minutes ago,

and what can I say?
It's an instant sensation!

It's already the number one
most-requested song of the week,

and we're playing it all day long.

So, here it is, once again,
Al Yankovic with "My Bologna!"

-Again!

You know what this means, right?

You gotta get yourself a record deal.

I've heard enough.

And what did you think?

Do you know why they call it
the "music business"?

Uh, why?

Because it's a business.

It's a business!

Use your head, kid.

Nobody wants to hear
a parody song

when they can hear the real thing
for the same price.

What's the point?

Yeah, it makes
no financial sense, whatsoever.

Uh, my-my-my song was actually

a-a big hit on
The Captain Buffoon Show.

-Oh!
-What?

Captain Buffoon? Really?

-Yeah.
-Wait, wait.

Captain Buffoon actually
played your song on the radio?

Yeah.

Why didn't you tell us?
This changes everything.

Ben, get this young gentleman
a record contract this very instant.

We are gonna sign him
to a 14-album deal.

Wait, really?

No! What do you think I am,
an idiot?

-He's not an idiot!
-I'm not an idiot!

-If I may interject here.
-Please.

Look, I'd just like to say

that you got some nerve
coming in here

and wasting my time and
my brother Tony's time.

I'm gonna remember your name
because you, Al Yankovic,

are the most untalented, pathetic loser

that I've ever met in my entire life.

Okay, um, maybe--

You're nothing but a hack,
a stupid, useless parasite,

-and you're so ugly.
-Okay...

That ridiculous hair,
that horrible mustache,

stupid glasses.

You make me wanna throw up!

All right, thank you.
Thank you, Ben.

Thank you, Ben, for your,
for your thoughts.

-Thank you.
-Jeez.

-Ugh.
-Look, kid,

if you really have your heart set
on doing this stupid music,

maybe write more than one song.

Yeah, all the biggest musical acts
have more than one song in their catalog.

That's very true.

And also, get out
in front of a live audience.

Any audience, any stage,

just get out there, build up your chops,
and who knows?

Maybe someday... we'll talk again.

But don't count on it
because you truly suck.

Right.

Okay.

Thank you! We are Skunk Barf!

-You guys suck!

I can't do this. I can't do this.

Just relax, you'll be great.

Yeah, the new song's a bona fide hit.

It's about ice cream!

Everybody likes ice cream.

This seems like more of
a whiskey and... heroin crowd.

Look, guys, I appreciate you being here
for moral support and everything,

but they are literally gonna kill me.
We need to leave right now.

Don't be silly, man.
They're gonna love you.

All right, we got, uh, most of the blood

cleaned off the stage,
so you're on, now.

-Go start the car.
-Nah, you got this, Al.

This is your moment.
Go get 'em, champ.

-Go get 'em.

All right, all right,
who's ready for some more music?

Okay, uh, coming next to the stage,

it's this guy's first time,
Al Yankovic.

-Hey.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Ah, nice Hawaiian shirt, Trapper John!

Um...

Boo!

This guy needs some help.

Gimme a shot of tequila
and two scoops of rum raisin.

We don't sell ice cream here.

You better start selling it
before this song's over

or you're gonna have a riot
on your hands.

Why didn't you guys tell me
you could play? You're great.

I guess it didn't seem relevant 'til now.

-Thank you!

Oh, hey.

Oh! You're Dr. Demento.

Oh, wow. I, I am such a huge fan.
I can't believe this.

I've been listening to your show
my entire life.

Whoo-whoo-whoo,
wind up your radio--

-Don't do that.
-Sorry.

Um, did you see the show?

I did. And let me
tell you something, kid.

Every once in a great while,
I can spot a talent

that I know is headed
straight to the top.

Nervous Norvus,

Wild Man Fischer,

and now... you.

What I saw you do on that stage
tonight blew my mind!

I'm telling you, you've cracked the code.
You're onto something special.

Wow, I mean, you, you,
you have no idea

what it means
for me to hear you say that.

-Thank you so much.
-Oh...

I only wish the Scotti Brothers
felt the same way.

Ah, those suits.
They couldn't recognize real talent

if it slapped them in the face
with a dead fish.

But I might be able to
get them to notice you.

How?

Well, stick with me, huh?

I know a little something
about the biz.

Uh, wait, are-are you saying
you want to be my mentor?

No, I'm saying I want to be your...
de-mentor!

But first, we gotta find you
a stage name.

I mean, Al Yankovic. Ugh, blech.

Doesn't exactly trip off
the tongue now, does it?

I guess not.

It's so clunky. It's long.
It's ungainly. It's hard to pronounce.

Sorry.

Now, I'm just gonna throw this out there.

Would you be willing
to change your name to...

Weird... Al Yankovic?

I love it.

Great. Great!

Hey, I'm having a little pool party
at the house this weekend.

I'd love to introduce
you to some folks.

What do you say you come on by,

we'll continue this conversation
at the grotto.

Yes, of course!

Mm-hmm. And don't forget to stay demented!

You got it.

H-H-Hey!
There he is, my newest superstar.

Ah, so glad you could make it.

I've been telling everyone about you,

and, uh, looks like you've
brought your band.

Okay, fine.

Uh, there's some canapés right
over there, gentlemen.

Help yourselves. So,
let me show you around, okay?

Everyone's dying to meet you.
Oh, right this way.

-Uh, Mr. Herman.
-Hello.

I'd like you to meet
"Weird Al" Yankovic.

Ah, a rising star.

Pleased to meet you.

And this is, of course, Tiny Tim.

Oh, Mr. Yankovic.
Oh, why, you're just the cat's pajamas.

Is that a good thing?

Sure.

Ah, excuse us, gentlemen.

Nice to meet you.

So that's Demento's new protégé.

You know, I hear they don't even hand out
raincoats and tarps at his shows.

Amateur hour.

Amateur hour.

-Well, hello, Dali.
-Andy.

What do you think of
this "Weird Al" Yankovic?

Dali predicts he will change
everything we know about art!

Weird Al will change the world!

Eh, I give him 15 minutes.

Well, well, well, if it isn't Dr. Demento.

Wolfman Jack.
Who let you in here?

The Wolfman goes where
the Wolfman wants, baby.

Security!

Relax. I just came by
to lay eyes on this cat

you've been paradin' around.

The one who takes
preexisting musical compositions

and completely changes the lyrics.

He has a name, you know.
And it's "Weird Al" Yankovic.

Well then, put 'er there, Weird Al.

Oooh! Too slow.

What is the meaning of this?

This is me telling you
that I know hit talent

when I see it, and this kid ain't it.

He'll never crack the top 40,
he's too niche.

This kid, as you call him,
is the future of music.

Right. Well, if he's so great,
how about he comes up

with a new parody song
right now on the spot?

-Ooh...
-Whoa.

I mean, come on, man. It's a party.
I don't know that's a good idea.

Do "Another One Bites the Dust."

That seems fitting,
who said that?

I did. I'm John Deacon...

of Queen.

I play the bass in Queen.

Oh...

All right, future boy.

Let's hear what you can do
with "Another One Bites the Dust."

We're waiting.

You don't have to
prove anything to him.

Come on, guy from Queen.

Let's go find a party
with some real talent.

Get me my accordion.

Hey, you like deviled eggs?

I love a good deviled egg.
They don't love me, though.

I don't know what to say.

That was the--

That was the most beautiful thing
I've ever heard in my entire life.

You truly have a rare gift, Weird Al.

Hey mate, we're playing
a little gig next week

called Live Aid,
Wembley Stadium.

I'd be honored if you
would join the band

and play that song on stage with us.

What do you say?

Hard pass!

-This guy?
-Get him, get him out of here!

I felt like
I was on top of the world,

but this was just the beginning.

"Weird Al" Yankovic is
one of the most exciting

new artists in pop music today.

His self-titled debut album

was just certified quintuple platinum.

Simply by taking well-known pop songs

and changing the lyrics,

Yankovic has taken the world by storm.

I have never seen a collection
of Hawaiian shirts like this.

Oh, well, thank you, Oprah!

He has the number one album
in 20 countries

and counts among his fans
such luminaries as...

Hey, turn this up.

...President Ronald Reagan
and Pope John Paul II.

Even international drug lord
Pablo Escobar

calls Weird Al his favorite musician.

And what about this,
this necklace you're wearing?

Oh, these, yeah.

I, uh, I wear one
solid platinum record medallion

for each time my album went platinum.

So that's one, two, three, four, five.

Wow. Those look heavy.

They are super uncomfortable.

And it's not
just the record company

that's cashing in on Weird Al fever.

The artists he's parodying
are experiencing a phenomenon

that's being called the Yankovic Bump.

The Knack, Joan Jett
and even Queen

have seen their
album sales double

after Weird Al put
his unique spin on their songs.

Which begs the question,
who will be next?

Who indeed?

Al, you really do seem to have
the Midas touch.

I've never seen anything like it
in all my years.

Your parents must be proud.

Yeah. Yeah, my parents...

Is everything okay?

Huh? Yeah. Yes, of course.

Yeah, whose, whose parents
wouldn't be proud?

Exactly.

-Al? Al?

Hello?

- Hey, Mom. It's me.
-Alfy?

It's been a long time, hasn't it?

We saw you on the TV.

It's crazy, right?

Yeah, who would've thought?

I'm actually gearing up
for a residency right now

at Madison Square Garden.

Sold out 25 nights in a row.

They're, uh, they're moving the Knicks

to a hockey rink in Jersey
for a month.

-Huh.
-Yep.

Yep. I'm living the dream.

I mean, to have 20,000 people
every night

singing along to my words

to other people's music.

I feel truly alive
when I'm on that stage.

Oh, that's nice.

Are you eating enough bran?

-What?
-Well, it's important.

It keeps you regular
and you know how you get

when you're not having
your regular BMs, Alfy.

I-- Yeah, sure.

Good. That's good.

So, um, so how's Dad?

Gosh, your father's a complicated man.

Does he ever talk about me?

Oh, sure, all the time. Yes.

There's so many things
that he wants to tell you,

but it's just difficult for him.

Well, like what?

You know, what does
he want to tell me?

Well, mostly he just
wants to let you know that

he's definitely not proud of you.

What?

Yes. He told me to be crystal clear
about that.

Also, he still thinks that parody songs
are stupid

and I don't have to tell you

how he feels about the accordion, do I?

Okay. Well, Mom,
I actually have to go now.

You know, he just never
really wanted to have kids.

Okay. Well, great talking to you.

Listen, if you do wanna get
that job down at the factory,

I'm sure your father can
pull a few strings for you.

All right. Take care now, bye-bye.

-Love you, Alfy!
-Yep!

Oh, tough call with the folks, huh?

You know, I can fire up the downstairs
hot tub for you if you'd like.

Oh, no, no, this is fine. I don't want to
put you through any trouble.

I-- It's really no trouble.

I mean, there are actually
three other Jacuzzis

in the house that are
not here in my bedroom.

Oh, that's so sweet of you,
but really, I'm good.

You, on the other hand,
you don't seem so good.

Do you wanna talk about it?

It's just, my whole life,

all I've wanted is for my
father to accept me for who I am.

And I thought if I became
this huge success,

that that would change things, but...

Mm.

But he still hates everything about me.

You know, maybe he's right.
Maybe parody songs are stupid.

Look, you don't have to
write parody songs

if you don't want to.

What?

You look a little hungry.
Here, have a snack.

You can write your own songs.

You think I took
you under my wing

because you write parody songs?

No, I saw in you a visionary,

an artist who has
something to give to the world.

I saw in you something special,

something your father doesn't see

and that even you don't see...

yet.

This guacamole tastes funny.

Of course it does.
It's loaded with LSD.

What?!

-No!

You need to open your heart
and your mind,

face your fears,
break your chains,

come with me on a spiritual journey.

Find your source of inspiration!

No, that-that is totally not cool, man.
You can't just--

Whoa, no, what is happening
to your head?

That's probably the drugs kicking in.

Just relax and enjoy the ride.

It'll be over in like, 10 to 12 hours.

12 hours?
No, no, no, no, no, no.

I'm just gonna close my eyes
and when I open them up again,

everything is gonna
be completely back to--

What in God's name
are you doing, boy?

Those aren't the right words!

Please, just stop being who you are
and doing the things you love.

You, Al Yankovic,
are the most untalented,

pathetic loser I've ever
met in my entire life!

No, no, no, stop it.
Leave me alone!

Alfred Yankovic, this is your time.

Believe in yourself,
and the song will come to you.

Don't listen to him, boy!

You belong with me, at the factory!

It's your destiny!

Aah! No!

Aah! No!

He's losing his power
over you, keep going!

I can't!

Maybe you should try
a little Cap'n Crunch.

What?

Raisin Bran, perhaps?

No, no! I don't want no Cap'n Crunch!

Don't want no Raisin Bran!

Eat it, just eat it.

I don't understand!

Don't you make me repeat it.

What's happening to me?!

Now you must die in order to be reborn.

No, no! No!

Put it in.

I've heard enough.

It's brilliant.

Okay, I'm sorry.
I don't recognize the tune.

What song are you parodying here?

I'm not parodying anything.

This song is completely original.

Wait, you wrote the words
and the music?

That's right.

Okay, just to be perfectly clear,

so you're saying this is not a parody
of an existing song,

but an entirely original composition
that you wrote all by yourself?

Yes.

Not based on anybody else's song
in any way?

Did I stutter?

I'm tired of people thinking
I'm some kind of joke, okay?

I am done writing parody songs. Done.

From now on, I am only gonna do
completely original music.

Oh, Al, you can't smoke in here.

I totally deserved that.

Well, I am blown away.
This is a bold new direction.

I mean, the parody songs were fine,

but you've completely
changed the game here.

This is gonna be your biggest hit yet.

Okay, okay! Hold your horses!

"Weird Al" Yankovic.

Um, do I know you?

Madonna. Ring any bells?

Oh, right. Madonna.

Yeah, "Lucky Star,"
"Holiday," "Borderline."

Born in Michigan, Catholic schoolgirl,

dropped outta college
and moved to New York City

with nothing but the clothes
on your back

and $35 in your pocket.

Maybe it was to become
the Queen of Pop.

Maybe it was to get back at Dad
for marrying the housekeeper.

Wow.

You know a lot more about me
than you let on.

What can I say?
I'm full of surprises.

So, what brings you here, Madonna?

Oh, I was in the neighborhood.

Wanted to see if my map to
the stars' homes was accurate.

Guess you won't need a refund then.

Is that, uh, all you wanted?

No, I want a lot of things,

but the truth is,
I'm a big fan of yours.

Join the club.

Have you heard my new
single, "Like a Virgin?"

Oh, I've heard it.

And I'm curious,
is that song autobiographical?

Yes. I technically am a virgin,

except for the fact
that I've had a lot of sex.

I mean, a lot.

I see.

Anyway, I was wondering

if you were going to
do a parody of my song.

Maybe.

I like that.

So, would you like to see
the rest of the house?

There's only one room
I'm interested in seeing.

Oh, I'm doing some
work on the bathroom,

but there's another one downstairs.

Oh, I'm not talking about the bathroom.

Then let me show you
to the laundry room.

Al Yankovic,
are you playing with me?

Yes?

Oh, you're so weird.

So, are we like, boyfriend
and girlfriend now?

Maybe.

Well, now that things are official,

I should really be honest with you.

When I said I might parody
one of your songs, I lied.

So, it's true, what they're saying.
You're not doing parodies anymore.

My song "Eat It," which, as you know,
is a hundred percent original,

is the biggest hit by anybody ever.

So, I've decided that's all
I wanna do from now on.

Completely original songs.

See, that's what I love about you.

You know what you want and
you know how to get it.

Just like me.

How about that?
And I've got some amazing news.

I've officially gotten the word
that we have broken

the Beatles' record for most singles
in the Billboard Top 10.

Oh.

Yeah, cool.

Uh, okay.

Well, um, we have some very
exciting offers pouring in

that I would love to--

-That--
-Oh, that feels good.

love to discuss with--

Love to discuss with you.

We got some, some great calls.

-Uh, very interesting.

Led Zeppelin, uh, is thinking about
getting back together,

but they say the only
way they'll do it

is if they can open
up for you on tour.

I mean, that's sweet, but yeah.

I already offered the gig
to Howie Mandel, so.

Okay, yeah. But this is perhaps--

Look, I am not bumping
Mandel for Zeppelin, okay? Pass.

Okay. Got it.

Uh, well, we have another offer,
a very serious offer.

This is to replace Roger Moore
in the James Bond franchise.

-Now this one--
-No!

No, no, no, I'm not gonna
be the new James Bond.

I'm not gonna be
the new Indiana Jones.

From now on, everything I do
has to be completely original.

How many times have
I gotta say that?

Look, Mr. Pimento,
we have places to be.

How long is this gonna take?

Not much longer.

We got another offer
for you to play

Pablo Escobar's 40th birthday party.

I saw him on the news.
He's a really big deal.

The drug lord?
Why is he so obsessed with me?

And he has upped his offer
to three billion pesos.

I mean, okay, how much is
that in American money?

You know what, never mind,
I don't feel like doing the math.

Well, I've done the math
and I can assure you--

Bup-bup-bup! I can do my own math,
and I said, I don't want to. Pass.

Alfy, are you chewing my gum?

I don't know. Maybe.

You wanna come get it?

You, you don't think
things are moving

too fast with us, do you?

Baby, don't be silly.
We're soulmates.

This is true love.
When you know, you know.

You're so right.

This has been the happiest
six hours of my life.

Mr. Yankovic, you have a phone call
at the host stand.

Excuse me, my love.

This better be good.

Well...

What's going on, Tony?

Okay, um, I-I thought you should
hear it from me first.

Michael Jackson just released
a new single called "Beat It."

It's, um...

Well, it's-it's a parody of "Eat It."

You mean the kid from the Jackson Five?

Why is that has-been trying
to ride my coattails?

He actually has
a pretty successful solo career now.

Whatever! You're telling me

Michael Jackson recorded
a parody of my song?

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
Same music, different words.

What kinda sick freak
changes the words

to someone else's song?

"Beat It," huh?

Wait, so it's about eggs?

No, no, it's, uh, I don't
think it's even about food.

It's about fighting or....

trying to avoid a fight?
I'm not exactly sure--

What gives him the right?!
Can he even do this?

I think you're overreacting
just a little, okay?

I mean, this could be great publicity.
Sell a few more albums.

No, I don't need to
sell more albums, Tony!

I need people to start taking me seriously
as an artist that creates original music.

Now some idiots
will probably get confused

and think "Beat It" came first!

Nobody's gonna think that.

This is a disaster,
for the rest of my life now,

I'm gonna be linked to
this Michael Jackson guy.

And why would that be so bad?

You know, maybe it's a good thing.
I-I think it's an honor.

Michael's one of the biggest stars
in the world.

Everything okay?

Everything's pretty freaking not okay.

I finally created something of my own

and now people are just gonna think
I'm ripping off Michael Jackson.

Your filet?

I think I lost my appetite.

Babe, you seem stressed.
You should have a drink.

I don't really drink.

If there's one thing I've learned in life,
the only thing that can clear your head

and make you feel better is
hard alcohol, and lots of it.

Well, you know me better than anyone.

I trust you.

He'll have a whiskey, neat.

You know what? Maybe you should bring
the whole bottle.

-I know, right?

Hey, hey. The king is here!
Let's get this party started.

Dude, soundcheck was supposed to start
like three hours ago.

Well, I wasn't here three hours ago,
so we're starting now.

Al, are you drunk?

-I'm not drunk, you're all drunk.
-No, this is pointless.

Hey, man, why don't you
just get out of here?

I need to get out of here?
You need to get out of here!

-Whoa, whoa, whoa!
-Guys, guys!

Al, look, it's the first show
of the tour tonight.

It's kind of a big deal.

Do you think you could maybe
not screw this up for everybody?

Oh, what-what-what are you gonna do,
fire me?

You guys are nothing without me.

Yeah, I could replace
you with a drum machine

and you with a guitar machine

and you with a, I don't know,
with some other machine.

You're all just a bunch of normals, okay,

I'm the weird one!
I am the weird one!

Okay. That's it.

You've changed, man.

-Fame's really gotten to you.

Wow.

Look, just get yourself cleaned up
for the show tonight, all right?

-You're a mess.
-Yeah.

They seem nice.

Yeah, they're great.

-Al?
-Oh, what do you want?

Can I talk to you for a minute?

Privately?

Look, anything you wanna say to me,
you can say in front of my girlfriend.

Okay, fine.

-I think Madonna's a bad influence on you.

I think she's an evil, conniving succubus

and she's only using you
for her pathetic and selfish needs.

-What?
-No offense.

She only wants you for that
sweet, sweet Yankovic Bump.

She knows her record sales

will go through the roof
if you parody her.

How dare you.

This woman is the greatest thing
that has ever happened to me.

And besides, I already told her
I'm not doing any more, um...

Any more...
The thing you said.

-Song parodies.
-Song parodies!

You're so drunk right now,

I bet you couldn't even
give her that Yankovic Bump.

That's not true!

That's not true, I'll come up with
that song parody right now.

Instead of "Like a Virgin,"
it'll be "Like a..."

Like a...

Like a...

Shut up, it's impossible!
Nothing rhymes with virgin.

Al, listen.

You gotta take care of yourself.

When she's done with you,
she's gonna drop you

like a sack of spoiled cabbage.

No, no, shut up, shut up!
You're not my dad.

You think you're my dad,
but you are not my dad.

Baby? Baby, where are you going?

I'm goin' for a drive to clear my mind,
on my own.

No, no, no, no, no. You cannot go.

Without your car keys.

Thank you so much.

Well, we can't wait.

Weird Al hits the stage
at Joe Robbie Stadium

tonight at eight o'clock,
and it's gonna be off the chain.

One for the history--

Well, that was
multi-platinum recording artist

"Weird Al" Yankovic with
"I Love Rocky Road," and my god,

have you ever seen
a more durable pop artist?

Anything you throw at this guy,

he just seems capable of surviving it.

I'll bet he could land a plane
into a volcano

-and still come out--

Dammit.

All right, nurse, let's call it.

Time of death: 7:30--

Quick!

I need some paper and
a number two pencil.

Here you go, baby.

Excuse me, miss, he's
in no condition to be doing--

Look, there's no time, okay?
He's got a show in 30 minutes.

-All right.

Better give me all your gauze, nurse.

Yes!

This is all for you, babe.
I love you so much.

I think I should have stuck around
for that blood transfusion though,

-I think I'm gonna pass out.
-No, babe, you're killing it.

-Now get back out there.
-Okay.

Okay, babe, you have a costume change,
one more song

and then we can go home
and sleep it off.

Okay.

No, no, no, no. What-what is that?
I'm not wearing that.

-It's your "Eat It" jacket, babe.
-No, not anymore, it's not.

That is a Michael Jackson jacket now.
I don't wanna see it.

Get that outta my face.

You don't have to wear it
if you don't want to.

Now just drink up.
Yeah, that's good, yeah.

Little more, little more.
That's the medicine.

Boo, boo, boo, boo!

Yeah, that's what you sound like.
Boo!

Oh, what? You want,
do you wanna hear "Eat It?"

-Do you?

Okay, here goes.

You're all a bunch of slaves!

-You're morons.

Idiots!

Oh, what, what, you paid good money
to see a show?

You worked your little butts off
at some dangerous factory?

God only knows what they make there!

No one will tell you that.

What do they make in the factory?

What do they make?!

Do you like getting pushed around?

You like letting everybody
push you around?

Yeah, I think you do.
I think you like it.

You like letting your dad
push you around?

No!

You like letting Michael Jackson
push you around?

-No!

Well, what are you gonna do about it?

What are you gonna do about it?!

-What are you gonna do?!

So... you wanna see it?

Do you want me to show it to you?

I'm gonna whip it out!

You don't think I'll do it, do you?

I haven't whipped it out yet
but I'm gonna do it for you,

but only if you really want me to.

Okay, here goes!

Yeah!

-Get off me! Get off me!

We're sorry to interrupt

the President's address,
but we have breaking news.

Parody songsmith "Weird Al" Yankovic
was arrested earlier tonight

in Miami-Dade County
for lewd behavior.

Okay. Here's my thought.

I think this is a really great idea,
I hope you like it.

We team up, right?

I'll write all the, you know,
good songs, the real ones,

and then you parody them every time.
Bam, bam. It's perfect.

Sounds great.

It's foolproof, we'll be unstoppable.

We'll be the hottest power couple
in the entire music industry.

What would our power couple name be?

I'm thinking Madankovic
or Madonnavic

or maybe just Madonna.

There'll be plenty of time
to figure all of that out.

But can you imagine the world tour?

Madonna... with Weird Al.

All that money?
I just got the tingles.

But I mean, you're okay
with all of this, right?

Look, babe, I'm--

I'm seriously okay
with anything you wanna do.

I mean, look at me. I'm a train wreck.

I'm barely holding it together.

My parents wrote me off.

I pushed away my band, Dr. Demento,

everyone who was important to me.

You're all I got.

You are literally the only thing
I have left in the world,

and if anything happened to you,
I don't know what I would do.

No, no! No!

Relax, Mr. Yankovic.

We only wanna borrow your girlfriend.

Just stay calm and
nothing will happen to you.

Please, sir, please.
Whatever you do--

Don't hurt me.

-Help me!
-Madonna!

-Hiya!

-Die, die!

-Order up.

Pablo Escobar sends his regards!

Pablo Escobar, you just made
the biggest mistake of your life.

This'll do.

So, then I'm stomping on him and
stomping him with my boots,

and he's calling for
his mom and I'm like,

"Stop being so extra."
You know, it's like--

Oh, my goodness! Ha ha!
That better not be vanilla.

Who was it?

-No, who was it?
-Escobar!

Oh, Mr. Yankovic.

We've been expecting you.
Welcome, welcome.

As you know, I am a huge,
huge fan of your music.

I got all of your albums
through the Columbia House Record Club.

Twelve for one penny, you guys.
Really great deal.

Really great deal.

Anyway, I-- Oops.
I hope you will forgive me

for kidnapping your lovely girlfriend.

It just seemed like
that was the only way

to guarantee that you would
come to my birthday party.

Your agent, oy, a real nightmare
to deal with, if I'm gonna be honest.

Real vicious guy.

You know, I'm sorry.
Let me turn down the music please.

Just a little annoying, yeah.

I can hear myself think now.

It's so noisy up in there.
Aah, the voices.

Oh. Oh, where are my manners?

We were just about to cut the cake.
May I offer you a slice?

Let's get him a slice, please.

No. No cake.

Okay, Mr. Diet.

More for us, am I right?

I just want my woman, then I'll go.

Ah, you want your woman. Okay.

I'm afraid that's
not how it works, Mr. Yankovic.

You see, you can't leave until you
perform for me.

-Do you understand me?
-No dice.

Not gonna happen.
I'm not your monkey.

-I can do "Borderline."
-No, I don't want that. I want him.

Mr. Yankovic, why-why all the drama?

I mean, you're already here.

Just perform one measly song for us
and then you guys can leave.

Come on, just one song, no?

How about that wonderful

Michael Jackson parody
that you did, huh?

That's not a parody!

Stop! Stop! It's my birthday.
Stop it! Stop it!

Well, first off, rude. Okay?
And second of all,

if you really, really don't wanna
entertain us, then fine.

You can just leave.

Wait, so, so we can just go?

Yeah, you can go whenever you want.

Psych!

No!

Very unfortunate.

He was like a god among men,
and now just worm food.

Tsk, tsk, tsk. Anyway, back to the party.
Should we cut the cake or...?

Hey, Pablo, you forgot one thing.

I'm certified platinum.

Hey, Escobar.

Eat it.

Okay, let's get outta here.

I just gotta get this medallion.

Okay.
Oh, it's in there. Ah.

Oh, gross, gross, gross,
gross, gross!

You just killed Pablo Escobar!

I know! I've killed so many people
this week.

Before last Thursday,
I never really killed anyone.

The things we do for love, huh?
Okay, come on. We gotta go.

Well, now, wait, wait, wait,
hear me out here.

With Escobar out of the picture, maybe...

maybe we can run the drug cartel.

Wait, what?

Supply and demand, baby.

Look, someone's gotta run the cartel.
May as well be me. Us.

You can't be serious.
What about all our plans?

Writing songs together, touring together.

Why rule the music industry
when you can rule the world?

All the money and power is right here.

Madonna, that's...

No. No way.

My life is in America, and my
family would never forgive me

if I became involved in a drug cartel.

Well, your family's
already disowned you, Al.

I'm all you've got, remember?

And we'll still be together.
I'll be the head of the cartel...

and you can be my number two.

Your number two.

I can't believe this.
Dr. Demento was right.

You were just using me to further
your own career, weren't you?

Well... yeah.

My relationship with you
was a business decision...

and so is this.
It's all just business.

Wow.

Well, okay then.

I guess-- I guess that's it.

Have a nice life.

Whoa!

I can't let you leave, Al.
You know too much.

What are you talking about?

Stop that!

We could have made
such a beautiful team,

and you know what?

I decided I do like Weirdonna
better than Madonnavic.

But that's all over now.

Our partnership is officially dissolved.

Goodbye, Madonna.

Yeah. I had
a lot of soul searching to do.

Was I a parody singer?
An original artist?

The most dangerous
assassin in the world?

Maybe I had lost my way.

Don't get me wrong,
there were things

I loved about being Weird Al.

The fame, the money,

the fancy dinners,
joining the Illuminati,

going to the Illuminati
holiday party,

learning the truth about
the moon landing and JFK.

But without my family,
none of that mattered.

I knew what I had to do.

There it is, pretty simple.

When the light turns green,
you turn this crank to the left.

When it turns red, you stop
and pull this lever down.

When it turns green again,
you push this lever up

and turn this crank back to the right.

Yep, that's about it. Lunch is at 12:30.

Hey, can I ask you a question?

Sure.

What do we make here?

Your old man
said you was funny.

That's a good one.
"What do we make here?"

Somebody help! My leg!

Oh, uh...

It's burning me! Oh, my leg!

Ahh! Ahh! It burns!

Hey.

Cleanup crew to the control room.

You got a minute?

Well, what?

You want to take a swing, old man?

No.

Just... what are you doing here?

What am I doing here? Really?!

All my life, all I wanted to do
is please you,

but I was never enough.

You were always disappointed
in your weird son.

So yeah, I gave up
the most successful career

in music history to come work
at this miserable factory

because it's what
you've always wanted

and what, it is still
not enough for you?

I appreciate what you're doing.

This isn't the life for you.

Oh, what? So I'm not even
good at turning cranks now.

No, Alfred, that's
not what I'm saying.

What are you saying, then?

I was wrong to stand in your way.

This isn't what you were meant for.

You're special.

You're Weird Al, and you're my son.

And I'm, uh...

I'm proud of you.

What are you doing?

Dad!

-Yeah, that's an absolute classic.

Whew.

Well, so Mom tells me you're
dating that singer Madonna.

Oh, um, no, we-we broke up.

Oh, I'm sorry, honey. What happened?

Yeah. It's-it's complicated.

Well, don't worry.
There's plenty of other fish in the sea.

So, so, what is it like?
What's it like being you?

You know, world famous superstar and all?

Well, um, it's-it's fun,
but it's also a lot of pressure.

The hardest part for me
is just coming up with new songs.

I-I never know where my
next idea's gonna come from.

And yeah, I-I honestly, I don't know
if I have it in me anymore.

Oh, nonsense.
I'm sure that next big idea

is just right there in front of you.

Well, you may have noticed
I've put on a little weight.

Don't be silly, Ma. You look great.

You do, dear. I think you look wonderful
with a few extra pounds.

I think you're pleasingly plump.

Oh, Nick. You know I'm fat.

I'm fat, you know it.

What?

Wow.

Dad, can I ask you something?

Mom told me growing up,
you always had your reasons

for being so hard on me.

I think it's time, dear.

All right.

Oh, whoa.

I wrote it all down.
This should explain everything.

Okay, do you have maybe
a-a photo album

or we can just go through
the bullet points together?

I don't have a photo album,
but I have a sketchbook.

A sketchbook?

You see, we didn't have any cameras

when I was growing up because...

I was raised Amish.

What, really?

Yep. I grew up Amish.

Lived in the community for
the first 16 years of my life.

And frankly, I don't think I
ever really fit in

because, well, if I'm being honest,

I was just as weird as you
when I was a kid.

Yeah, I even made up new words
to the hymns

that we sang during church service.

-That didn't go over too well.

That boy will never learn.

And then when I was
a few years older,

I was able to go on rumspringa.

I finally had a chance to go out
into the great big world

and see what it had to offer.

And that's when I saw
the love of my life,

a 1933 Excelsior,

the finest accordion there ever was.

Cost me every penny I had
in the world, but it was worth it.

So wait-wait-wait,
you had an accordion?

I did, I did, I did,
I was pretty good at it too.

I was not bad. I was not bad at all.

I thought I was the love of your life.

Oh, honey, you come later, please.
Anyway...

So, I tried for months to make it

as a professional musician,

but it just wasn't in God's plan.

Get outta here!

Failure mocked me
at every waking moment.

Hey, there, squeeze box.

I knew that I had to
give up my dream

and go back to the only life
that I'd ever known.

But when I tried to come back
to the Amish community,

well, the second they
saw that squeeze box,

I was immediately ex-communicated,
banished forever.

My whole world
was torn away from me.

All I knew was
I never wanted to see

another accordion again,
for as long as I lived.

So I got a job at the factory,

a place where I knew you could
get an honest day's wages

for an honest day's work.

And that's when I met...

the true love of my life.

Your mother.

Wow.

Dad, I-- I never knew.

Of course you didn't.
How could you, I just told you.

I just, the whole story was about--

Anyway, look,

son, I hope that you can forgive me
and I hope you understand.

I lost everything
and I didn't want you

to suffer the same sad fate.

I didn't want you
to get your dreams crushed,

so I thought I should
crush your ideas

before they could turn into dreams.

Yeah, that makes sense.

Oh.

Oh, that's nothing. You can just
throw that thing out, that's--

-"Amish Paradise?"
-Nope, just tear that up in little pieces

-and get rid of that.
-Dad.

Are these song lyrics?

That's just something stupid
I wrote a while ago.

It doesn't matter. You can just--

No, no, no, Dad, these lyrics...

they're like a window into your soul.

I don't think I've ever felt
more connected to you than this

in my entire life.

Well, I never had the chance
to perform it myself

because the dream had already died.

I thought maybe someday,
but no, never mind.

Never mind. I guess no one
will ever hear this song.

That's it! That's it!

Mom!

What did you say like
a minute ago, about being fat?

We're onto something else now.

We were kind of having
a moment here, son.

Read the room.

Yeah, I mean, I wrote the book
and did the whole thing.

-Alfy!
-The drawing.

Listen to your father when he's talking!

Does anything register with you?

Can you see my lips moving?
Nothing gets through to you.

Man, I shoulda kept
the publishing rights.

Yecch!

It is so good to
have you back, man.

Yeah, I was starting
to miss the weird one.

Oh god, I cannot believe
I ever said that to you guys.

I am so, so sorry.

Hey, you're an artist.

Being an abusive jerk
is all part of the process.

Yeah, name me one creative genius

that doesn't have a checkered past

involving drugs, alcohol
and a murderous rampage

through the heart of the jungle.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

I love you guys so much!

Yeah, yeah. See you out there.

Dr. D, you came!

Of course I came. I wouldn't
have missed it for the world.

And well, needless to say,
you were amazing.

Thank you. And I-I also,
I really wanna say the way I treated you--

Stop. I'm gonna stop you
right there, okay?

No apologies necessary.

I have been thinking
a lot about what you said,

and I realized, Al, that...

you are like a son to me and, uh...

Well, I never really had any children
of my own, so, uh...

I want to adopt you.

Will you be my son?

Wow.

Um, you-- I-- I just made up with my dad.

You d-- You did?

-Yeah.
-That's, wow. Okay.

Yeah. So yeah, we-we talked.

-Wow.
-We're-we're all good now.

Cool, the coolest. that's great.

-That's great.
-It is great.

Oh, good!

-Yeah.
-Cool.

Wow, that's so cool.

That's really cool. That's so cool.

My, my category
is coming up really soon,

I think, so I should probably go change?

You should--
oh, you should go. Yeah, definitely.

It's so good to see you.

-Thank you so much for coming.
-Okay.

-So good. Take care.
-All right.

Please welcome to the stage
Grammy Award winner Diana Ross,

and Intercontinental
WWF Champion Hulk Hogan.

As artists, we learn to express ourselves
through our instruments.

Louis Armstrong had his trumpet
and Jimi Hendrix had his guitar.

And well, my instrument is my voice.

That's right, Diana.

And my instruments
are these 24-inch pythons.

-Whoo!

No, no, Mary.
That's an oily man.

And now, the award
you've all been waiting for.

In the category of "Perhaps
Not Technically the Best

But Arguably the Most
Famous Accordion Player

in an Extremely
Specific Genre of Music."

And the award goes to...

"Weird Al" Yankovic!

Oh, thank you.

Thank you. Thank you.
Oh, this is incredible.

This award means so much to me,

and in front of all
the billions of people watching

around the world right now,
all I want to say is...

see, Dad? I told you!

Yeah! In your face, old man!

-Huh?

There are so many people here tonight
that I need to thank.

People who mean the world to me
and who made me

everything that I am today.

But they know who they are, and I'm gonna
thank them all later privately.

Okay, I'm just gonna wrap things up.
I don't have much time left.

I-- Y'know, I'm gonna be around
for a good long time.

You don't have to worry about that.

You're not gonna get rid of me
that easy.

-Waiting on your signal.
- Stand by.

But in my remaining few seconds,
I just wanna say...

live the life you wanna live.

You know, be as weird as you wanna be.

Believe me, you will never
find true happiness

until you can truly accept who you are.

And standing before all of you,
right here, right now,

I can honestly say I have
never been more happy

or more proud in my entire life.

Thank you.

Thank you! Thank you!

Take the shot.

Nooo!

Wow, fake-out ending!

Awwwwww, double fake-out!