All language subtitles for The.king.of.queens.S01E03.DVDRip.English-WWW.MY-SUBS.CO

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French Download
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt-PT Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162 WWW.MY-SUBS.CO 1 00:00:08,887 --> 00:00:10,512 - Morning, Dad. - Good morning. 2 00:00:10,723 --> 00:00:13,559 Guess what I made. Like old times, huh? 3 00:00:13,810 --> 00:00:15,353 You. Me. Toast. 4 00:00:15,604 --> 00:00:17,681 Yeah, we were inseparable. 5 00:00:17,940 --> 00:00:20,611 So, darling, you wait here, 6 00:00:20,819 --> 00:00:22,943 I'll go butter this up for you real nice. 7 00:00:23,156 --> 00:00:25,232 Give me 15 minutes. 8 00:00:26,285 --> 00:00:28,492 I'm sorry, Dad, I cannot be late for work. 9 00:00:28,704 --> 00:00:30,116 I'm new there, remember? 10 00:00:30,373 --> 00:00:35,167 Oh, Miss Big-Deal-Legal-Secretary, works in Manhattan now. 11 00:00:35,380 --> 00:00:38,050 You know what toast costs over there now? Ten dollars. 12 00:00:39,093 --> 00:00:41,335 And if you don't tip, they spit in it. 13 00:00:42,431 --> 00:00:43,546 Then I'll tip. 14 00:00:43,766 --> 00:00:45,558 I'm just gonna have some coffee. 15 00:00:45,810 --> 00:00:47,684 - Hey, slugger, check it out. - What's that? 16 00:00:47,938 --> 00:00:50,476 It's your new mitt. I broke it in for the softball game tonight. 17 00:00:50,691 --> 00:00:52,103 Actually, it happened by accident. 18 00:00:52,360 --> 00:00:55,196 I fell asleep on it. 19 00:00:55,906 --> 00:00:57,698 Honey, you're gonna kill me, I can't make it. 20 00:00:57,909 --> 00:00:59,570 My boss has a really big trial coming up, 21 00:00:59,786 --> 00:01:01,365 and he wants me to stay late tonight. 22 00:01:01,622 --> 00:01:02,742 No, we need you at the game. 23 00:01:02,957 --> 00:01:05,414 Come on, none of the guys can curse as good as you. 24 00:01:05,627 --> 00:01:06,956 Honey, I know. 25 00:01:07,171 --> 00:01:10,506 But I will be at next week's game, with a lot of new mother references. 26 00:01:10,717 --> 00:01:13,505 Really hurtful, uncalled-for stuff, all right? 27 00:01:14,097 --> 00:01:16,090 - Okay. - All right. Bye. 28 00:01:16,308 --> 00:01:18,432 Bye, Daddy. Dad? 29 00:01:18,853 --> 00:01:22,021 Oh, sorry. I was just remembering a little girl with pigtails 30 00:01:22,232 --> 00:01:24,190 and braces on her teeth, telling me, 31 00:01:24,443 --> 00:01:25,763 "I made the bestest toast ever." 32 00:01:25,945 --> 00:01:28,864 All right, just give me the freaking toast. Okay? Thank you. Bye. 33 00:01:44,887 --> 00:01:46,346 Will you forget about it? It's over. 34 00:01:46,556 --> 00:01:48,845 Man, I thought if there was one team we'd beat this year, 35 00:01:49,059 --> 00:01:50,933 it'd be Crabtree & Evelyn. 36 00:01:51,979 --> 00:01:53,723 Well, this guy didn't help matters much. 37 00:01:53,940 --> 00:01:56,147 Hey, what-? What do you guys want from me? 38 00:01:56,402 --> 00:02:00,353 You know, I'm allergic to dirt, grass, bases and Gatorade. 39 00:02:00,574 --> 00:02:03,279 You guys are lucky I'm alive. 40 00:02:03,578 --> 00:02:05,867 Look, look, let's just all agree we all sucked tonight. 41 00:02:06,123 --> 00:02:09,208 - Hey, I'm in. - Yeah, we'll kick some ass next week. 42 00:02:09,419 --> 00:02:10,961 Who we playing, Moose? 43 00:02:13,716 --> 00:02:15,590 - City Tech. - Who's that? 44 00:02:15,844 --> 00:02:16,923 Female security guards. 45 00:02:20,349 --> 00:02:21,548 Hey, Doug. 46 00:02:21,768 --> 00:02:24,474 Some guy in a really nice car just pulled into your driveway. 47 00:02:24,730 --> 00:02:27,103 - Yeah, it's called a U-turn. - No, I don't think so. 48 00:02:27,317 --> 00:02:29,773 - Your wife's getting out. - Really? 49 00:02:30,029 --> 00:02:32,355 Oh, that's a Jaguar she's stepping out of, my friend. 50 00:02:32,615 --> 00:02:34,443 XJ8. Top of the line. 51 00:02:34,660 --> 00:02:37,068 Yeah, I test-drove one of those babies. 52 00:02:37,330 --> 00:02:39,869 And yet, you went with the '82 Corolla. 53 00:02:41,794 --> 00:02:45,129 Hey, Doug, it's pretty damn nice of you, letting Carrie date other guys and all. 54 00:02:45,382 --> 00:02:47,256 Yeah, you're very funny. Very funny. 55 00:02:47,510 --> 00:02:50,595 All right, come on, back to your assigned seats. Let's go. 56 00:02:52,767 --> 00:02:55,638 Girl in the clubhouse. You guys had your cootie shots? 57 00:02:55,896 --> 00:02:57,521 - Yeah, right. - Hi. How was the game? 58 00:02:57,731 --> 00:02:59,440 Oh, everyone sucked, not just me. 59 00:02:59,692 --> 00:03:00,688 Good for you, Spence. 60 00:03:01,653 --> 00:03:03,196 So did you have a good day? 61 00:03:03,405 --> 00:03:06,193 Honey, great day. 62 00:03:06,409 --> 00:03:09,826 What, did you get some kind of, like, a lift home or something? 63 00:03:10,081 --> 00:03:12,537 Yeah, from Evan, my boss. In a Jaguar. 64 00:03:12,751 --> 00:03:14,709 Honey, you should get me one of those. 65 00:03:16,130 --> 00:03:17,791 I'll see you upstairs. Bye, guys. 66 00:03:18,008 --> 00:03:19,835 - See you later, Carrie. - All right. 67 00:03:25,768 --> 00:03:30,738 Well, sounds like she's got a nice boss, you know? 68 00:03:30,774 --> 00:03:34,476 That's a good thing, because a lot of bosses, not nice. 69 00:03:34,696 --> 00:03:37,781 You know, a lot of not-nice bosses out there. 70 00:03:38,034 --> 00:03:41,238 I say given the choice between not nice, nice, it's always better-- 71 00:03:41,497 --> 00:03:43,537 Stop the staring! 72 00:03:50,258 --> 00:03:51,503 - Hey. - Hey, help me out. 73 00:03:51,718 --> 00:03:53,718 I have to be in court with Evan. What do you think? 74 00:03:53,721 --> 00:03:55,513 This or this? 75 00:03:55,890 --> 00:03:57,468 I like them both. 76 00:03:57,684 --> 00:03:59,642 They both suck. 77 00:04:00,646 --> 00:04:03,898 Honey, the women in Manhattan dress so nice, I look like I'm from Arkansas. 78 00:04:05,569 --> 00:04:07,194 Oh, guess what. 79 00:04:07,447 --> 00:04:10,983 There's this really famous cello player from China, Li Fong something. 80 00:04:11,244 --> 00:04:13,533 Anyway, he's throwing a big concert next week in the city, 81 00:04:13,747 --> 00:04:18,077 and the firm got all these tickets, and Evan gave his to me. 82 00:04:18,336 --> 00:04:20,744 So if you play your cards right, I'll let you go with me. 83 00:04:21,006 --> 00:04:23,130 There's always room for cello. 84 00:04:26,263 --> 00:04:28,636 You call him Evan, huh? 85 00:04:28,850 --> 00:04:31,388 Your boss. You just call him Evan? 86 00:04:31,603 --> 00:04:32,802 Well, that's his name. 87 00:04:33,022 --> 00:04:34,980 No, no, I know, I know. I mean... 88 00:04:35,233 --> 00:04:37,559 It's just that, you know, my boss has been there six years, 89 00:04:37,778 --> 00:04:40,352 and it's still "Supervisor O'Boyle." 90 00:04:42,534 --> 00:04:46,747 So you just walk around all day calling each other Evan. 91 00:04:47,165 --> 00:04:50,535 Well, he doesn't call me Evan. We'd get a little confused. 92 00:04:51,045 --> 00:04:52,789 I know, I know, I know. I just- You know. 93 00:04:53,006 --> 00:04:54,715 Anyway, sounds like a great guy, right? 94 00:04:54,925 --> 00:04:56,717 I mean, partner in a big New York law firm, 95 00:04:56,928 --> 00:04:59,005 giving his secretary free tickets, 96 00:04:59,223 --> 00:05:03,221 driving her all the way home to Queens in his fancy Jaguar. 97 00:05:03,478 --> 00:05:05,056 You don't see a lot of that. 98 00:05:05,481 --> 00:05:06,856 Honey, if he didn't drive me home, 99 00:05:07,066 --> 00:05:09,984 how else would we have sex in his car? 100 00:05:13,908 --> 00:05:14,940 That's not funny. 101 00:05:16,370 --> 00:05:18,162 Come on, you're being stupid. 102 00:05:18,372 --> 00:05:20,330 He's just being a nice guy. 103 00:05:20,542 --> 00:05:22,998 Oh, so he's just being nice, then. 104 00:05:23,212 --> 00:05:25,668 Did he give the cleaning guy a ride home too? 105 00:05:26,842 --> 00:05:28,123 - No. - No. 106 00:05:28,344 --> 00:05:31,880 So, now, is he nice or not nice? I'm a little confused here. 107 00:05:32,724 --> 00:05:35,014 He lives on the Island, we're on his way. 108 00:05:35,228 --> 00:05:37,435 - What, you don't trust me? - Of course I trust you. 109 00:05:37,647 --> 00:05:41,860 It's just, you don't really know this Evan guy, or how he operates. 110 00:05:42,112 --> 00:05:43,487 "Oh, Miss Heffernan, 111 00:05:43,697 --> 00:05:46,615 can you work late with me tonight on this big legal case? 112 00:05:46,826 --> 00:05:49,496 I spilled Liquid Paper all over your blouse. 113 00:05:49,705 --> 00:05:54,534 Why don't you shimmy it off, and I'll wash it." 114 00:05:58,341 --> 00:05:59,884 That's a really lame fantasy. 115 00:06:00,093 --> 00:06:02,763 You gotta start watching more porno. 116 00:06:03,640 --> 00:06:05,480 - You know what I mean. - What? Come on, honey. 117 00:06:05,684 --> 00:06:07,476 He's just being a nice guy. 118 00:06:07,686 --> 00:06:10,357 Now, listen, I have a really great job, and it's going well. 119 00:06:10,565 --> 00:06:12,393 And I want you to be happy for me, all right? 120 00:06:13,444 --> 00:06:15,188 All right. All right. You know, I'm sorry. 121 00:06:15,447 --> 00:06:17,606 It's okay. It's all right. 122 00:06:17,825 --> 00:06:21,195 I'm gonna go wash up. I'll meet you in bed, okay, Evan? 123 00:06:36,641 --> 00:06:38,219 Excuse me. 124 00:06:41,731 --> 00:06:44,935 Hey. Hi. I'm trying to find Carrie Heffernan. 125 00:06:45,194 --> 00:06:46,854 Oh, she's in Mr Lazar's office. 126 00:06:47,446 --> 00:06:48,941 I thought everyone called him Evan. 127 00:07:03,300 --> 00:07:05,970 Doug! Honey, what are you doing here? 128 00:07:06,179 --> 00:07:08,219 I felt bad about being such an idiot last night. 129 00:07:08,432 --> 00:07:10,924 I thought I'd drive in and see if you wanna have some lunch. 130 00:07:11,186 --> 00:07:13,938 Oh, my God, that is so sweet. Of course I do. 131 00:07:14,148 --> 00:07:16,640 Oh, look, honey! This is my desk. 132 00:07:16,901 --> 00:07:18,016 It's pretty swanky, huh? 133 00:07:18,654 --> 00:07:21,490 I like it. Oh, look at this. I even got you something for it. 134 00:07:22,325 --> 00:07:24,651 "World's Greatest Golfer." 135 00:07:24,912 --> 00:07:27,320 That's all they had in the gift shop downstairs. 136 00:07:27,582 --> 00:07:29,659 No, no, no, it's good. Now I have a goal, right? 137 00:07:30,043 --> 00:07:31,586 Honey, this is so sweet of you. 138 00:07:31,796 --> 00:07:33,456 I'll make a quick copy, then we can go. 139 00:07:33,715 --> 00:07:36,289 - All right, I'll grab the elevator. - Okay, honey. 140 00:07:52,531 --> 00:07:53,942 Hey. 141 00:07:54,325 --> 00:07:55,736 Hello. 142 00:07:56,870 --> 00:08:00,287 I couldn't help noticing that woman in there in your office with you. 143 00:08:00,500 --> 00:08:01,828 Is she your assistant? 144 00:08:02,043 --> 00:08:04,369 - Yes. Yes, she is. - Yeah. 145 00:08:04,839 --> 00:08:06,915 She's quite a looker. 146 00:08:07,968 --> 00:08:10,091 I suppose, yeah. 147 00:08:10,888 --> 00:08:12,632 - She married? - Yes. 148 00:08:12,849 --> 00:08:14,889 I hate that! Hate it. 149 00:08:15,102 --> 00:08:16,422 But you know what? A guy like you, 150 00:08:16,604 --> 00:08:19,356 you probably don't even worry about that kind of thing, huh? 151 00:08:19,816 --> 00:08:22,142 - So, what are you getting at? - I'm just saying, you know, 152 00:08:22,361 --> 00:08:25,032 working with her every day, you gotta be thinking about a little: 153 00:08:25,198 --> 00:08:27,156 Hello, Montana! 154 00:08:27,910 --> 00:08:29,150 - Yeah! - Now, now, now, listen. 155 00:08:29,329 --> 00:08:31,156 No, come on, truth now. You gonna go for it? 156 00:08:31,373 --> 00:08:33,912 You're gonna go for it, my man! Come on. 157 00:08:34,168 --> 00:08:35,208 All right, that is enough! 158 00:08:35,378 --> 00:08:37,258 That woman is a fine employee and a good person. 159 00:08:37,464 --> 00:08:39,837 She deserves better than to be objectified and leered at 160 00:08:40,051 --> 00:08:41,676 by someone like you. 161 00:08:43,848 --> 00:08:46,636 I just wish her husband was here to punch your face in. 162 00:08:58,659 --> 00:09:00,450 Moose. 163 00:09:02,288 --> 00:09:03,783 Moose. 164 00:09:04,792 --> 00:09:06,583 I'm hungry. 165 00:09:07,837 --> 00:09:10,293 Who am I, your mother? Go inside and make a sandwich. 166 00:09:10,549 --> 00:09:12,542 It's too far. 167 00:09:14,137 --> 00:09:17,472 I wish the TV were made of cheese. 168 00:09:18,226 --> 00:09:19,804 You know, that's actually possible. 169 00:09:20,061 --> 00:09:21,473 - Get out of here. - It is. 170 00:09:21,730 --> 00:09:24,400 I mean, you couldn't make it out of Brie. 171 00:09:25,151 --> 00:09:26,350 But, like, a harder cheese, 172 00:09:26,570 --> 00:09:29,525 like a Stilton or an aged Gorgonzola. 173 00:09:29,741 --> 00:09:31,650 Absolutely. 174 00:09:32,911 --> 00:09:35,070 Could you make a VCR out of crackers? 175 00:09:35,331 --> 00:09:36,956 For God's sake, you're missing the point. 176 00:09:37,167 --> 00:09:39,493 If you went to the trouble of making a TV out of cheese, 177 00:09:39,712 --> 00:09:41,512 you'd have to make a commitment not to eat it. 178 00:09:41,756 --> 00:09:45,173 Then why would you make it out of cheese in the first place? 179 00:09:46,471 --> 00:09:48,760 I can't talk to you. 180 00:09:49,558 --> 00:09:50,673 What do you think, Deac? 181 00:09:50,893 --> 00:09:55,936 I think, why am I here instead of with my wife and child? 182 00:09:57,360 --> 00:10:00,397 And here comes the Jag, right on schedule. 183 00:10:00,614 --> 00:10:02,738 Oh, looks like Evan got it detailed. 184 00:10:02,950 --> 00:10:04,445 All right. Come on, guys. 185 00:10:04,703 --> 00:10:07,907 Did he get a haircut? I like it. 186 00:10:08,124 --> 00:10:10,532 I'm not sure. I think he just put something in it. 187 00:10:10,794 --> 00:10:13,879 - I think he's using mousse, Moose. - All right, you know what? It's agreed. 188 00:10:14,090 --> 00:10:16,498 He's got a beautiful car and a fine head of hair, all right? 189 00:10:16,718 --> 00:10:18,129 Get away from the window, will you? 190 00:10:18,512 --> 00:10:21,182 Why do you have to spoil the one new thing in our life? 191 00:10:21,600 --> 00:10:23,926 Yeah, man, you've been in a funky mood all night. 192 00:10:24,145 --> 00:10:27,482 If you're still worried about Carrie and her boss, just talk to her about it. 193 00:10:27,519 --> 00:10:28,811 I'm not worried about that. 194 00:10:29,068 --> 00:10:30,708 I met Evan today, and trust me, he's fine. 195 00:10:31,070 --> 00:10:32,779 - How do you know? - I know. 196 00:10:32,989 --> 00:10:37,202 I practically begged him to have sex with her, and nothing. 197 00:10:37,579 --> 00:10:38,954 What are you all wound up about? 198 00:10:39,206 --> 00:10:40,950 I don't know. I don't know. 199 00:10:41,208 --> 00:10:43,332 - Hey, guys. Hi! - Hey. Hi! 200 00:10:43,587 --> 00:10:45,547 Honey, don't forget, cello concert tomorrow night. 201 00:10:45,756 --> 00:10:48,082 - You excited? - Oh, I am. I-- 202 00:10:49,010 --> 00:10:50,469 - I'll see you upstairs. - Love you. 203 00:10:50,679 --> 00:10:51,799 - Bye, guys. - Okay. Bye-bye. 204 00:10:52,014 --> 00:10:54,221 What is wrong with me? 205 00:10:54,434 --> 00:10:55,810 I should be happy, you know? 206 00:10:56,019 --> 00:10:59,389 I mean, Carrie's got a great new job, her boss is not hitting on her, 207 00:10:59,607 --> 00:11:01,565 but still there is something that's bothering me, 208 00:11:01,777 --> 00:11:03,569 and I can't figure out what it is. 209 00:11:03,821 --> 00:11:05,779 Perhaps it's this: 210 00:11:06,199 --> 00:11:07,999 Perhaps you wish that your original suspicions 211 00:11:08,202 --> 00:11:09,365 had been confirmed. 212 00:11:09,704 --> 00:11:12,196 If this Evan was just some creep hitting on your wife, 213 00:11:12,416 --> 00:11:13,994 you could've done something about that. 214 00:11:14,210 --> 00:11:18,540 But now what you're faced with is a more complex problem. 215 00:11:19,008 --> 00:11:22,841 You're realizing that Carrie is immersed in a seductive world 216 00:11:23,054 --> 00:11:24,633 full of bright, dynamic people, 217 00:11:24,848 --> 00:11:28,717 a world you can't possibly compete with. 218 00:11:29,104 --> 00:11:32,770 And that frightens the hell out of you. 219 00:11:33,902 --> 00:11:35,812 Yeah, that's it. 220 00:11:40,452 --> 00:11:41,828 Li Fong... 221 00:11:48,045 --> 00:11:51,047 Honey, honey. How do you pronounce X-I-A-U-A? 222 00:11:51,258 --> 00:11:53,138 - What are you doing? - I'm trying to figure out 223 00:11:53,344 --> 00:11:56,928 how to say this guy's name so I don't sound like such a mook at the concert. 224 00:11:57,140 --> 00:12:00,807 "Hey, this guy on the cello's pretty good over here. " You know? 225 00:12:01,438 --> 00:12:05,104 Before you hurt yourself there, I wanted to talk to you about that. 226 00:12:05,318 --> 00:12:07,394 I'm thinking, you know, 227 00:12:07,612 --> 00:12:10,448 maybe we need to take a pass on this cello thing. 228 00:12:10,658 --> 00:12:12,616 What? What are you talking about? 229 00:12:12,827 --> 00:12:14,951 Well, for starters, we'll be missing a softball game. 230 00:12:15,164 --> 00:12:17,537 - So it's one game, hon. - Plus the one you already missed. 231 00:12:17,751 --> 00:12:20,159 I mean, people on the team, they're starting to grumble. 232 00:12:20,379 --> 00:12:24,592 There's a whole lot of internal politics I've been shielding you from. 233 00:12:25,552 --> 00:12:28,424 All right, honey, what is your problem? Are you still on the Evan thing? 234 00:12:28,681 --> 00:12:30,675 No, it's not about Evan. 235 00:12:30,893 --> 00:12:32,008 It's about you, you know? 236 00:12:32,228 --> 00:12:34,636 Since you got this new job, I think it's gone to your head. 237 00:12:34,898 --> 00:12:37,354 - What? Shut up. - Come on, think about it. 238 00:12:37,568 --> 00:12:40,404 First, you didn't want to eat your father's toast. 239 00:12:42,032 --> 00:12:44,072 Right? Then your clothes aren't good enough for you. 240 00:12:44,285 --> 00:12:46,077 Now it's this weird obsession with the cello. 241 00:12:46,288 --> 00:12:47,948 I mean, what's next, bottled water? 242 00:12:48,207 --> 00:12:49,915 Tea? 243 00:12:50,335 --> 00:12:51,415 Okay, you know what, honey? 244 00:12:51,586 --> 00:12:53,164 You gotta spend less time in the garage. 245 00:12:53,380 --> 00:12:55,254 Between the fumes and those friends of yours, 246 00:12:55,466 --> 00:12:57,958 you're losing brain cells. 247 00:12:58,220 --> 00:12:59,845 Come on. We both know what this is about. 248 00:13:00,055 --> 00:13:02,381 You're trying to impress your little fancy friends at work. 249 00:13:02,600 --> 00:13:06,849 "Oh, I saw a guy play the cello. Accept me as one of your own." 250 00:13:08,066 --> 00:13:10,522 Maybe I like listening to cello music, all right? 251 00:13:10,736 --> 00:13:12,361 - You ever think of that? - Yeah, okay. 252 00:13:12,572 --> 00:13:15,360 - What's your favourite cello song? - Okay, let me think. 253 00:13:15,576 --> 00:13:17,569 How about "Bite Me"? 254 00:13:18,830 --> 00:13:20,657 That is so not a song. 255 00:13:20,916 --> 00:13:22,660 Well, you are being such an idiot. 256 00:13:22,919 --> 00:13:24,876 At least I'm an idiot who fulfils his commitment 257 00:13:25,088 --> 00:13:27,580 to the Queens County Level C co-ed slow-pitch softball league. 258 00:13:27,800 --> 00:13:29,710 And now we're playing softball tomorrow night. 259 00:13:29,969 --> 00:13:32,128 No, you will be playing softball tomorrow. 260 00:13:32,347 --> 00:13:33,842 I will be doing something I enjoy, 261 00:13:34,058 --> 00:13:37,226 which is listening to the music of the world's greatest cellist, 262 00:13:37,479 --> 00:13:40,185 Li Fong... 263 00:13:40,400 --> 00:13:41,894 I don't know! 264 00:13:42,986 --> 00:13:47,484 Yeah, well, say it, don't spray it. 265 00:14:02,011 --> 00:14:03,506 How you doing? 266 00:14:06,684 --> 00:14:07,764 What's that you're wearing? 267 00:14:11,023 --> 00:14:12,054 Softball uniform. 268 00:14:13,735 --> 00:14:15,775 Just more comfortable? 269 00:14:18,157 --> 00:14:19,188 Playing softball. 270 00:14:19,450 --> 00:14:21,194 Oh, that worked out well. 271 00:14:22,621 --> 00:14:24,032 Where's Carrie? 272 00:14:24,248 --> 00:14:26,740 She went to a cello concert. 273 00:14:27,002 --> 00:14:29,078 Oh, fancy. 274 00:14:31,424 --> 00:14:33,583 Listen, Arthur, can I ask you a question? 275 00:14:34,428 --> 00:14:36,006 Sure. 276 00:14:36,264 --> 00:14:37,842 All right, now be honest. 277 00:14:38,517 --> 00:14:40,426 When I first married Carrie, 278 00:14:40,644 --> 00:14:44,478 was there a small part of you that felt that maybe, I don't know, 279 00:14:44,691 --> 00:14:47,064 that I wasn't good enough for her? 280 00:14:47,487 --> 00:14:50,524 Hey, it was a wedding. I'd had a few drinks. 281 00:14:50,741 --> 00:14:53,826 When I said those things, I had no idea I was speaking to your mother. 282 00:14:54,037 --> 00:14:55,864 - No, I know, I just- - She was nodding. 283 00:14:56,081 --> 00:14:57,659 Agreeing with me, for God's sakes! 284 00:14:57,875 --> 00:14:59,833 How could I know? 285 00:15:01,505 --> 00:15:03,794 Arthur, I'm just... 286 00:15:04,008 --> 00:15:05,289 Really? My mother? 287 00:15:05,552 --> 00:15:07,011 Yeah, I'm pretty sure. 288 00:15:07,221 --> 00:15:08,929 Bosomy woman, right? 289 00:15:32,295 --> 00:15:34,003 Excuse me. I'm down there. 290 00:15:45,479 --> 00:15:47,935 - Hi. - What are you doing here? 291 00:15:48,566 --> 00:15:51,901 Car, listen, I've been doing a lot of thinking, and you know what? 292 00:15:52,112 --> 00:15:55,031 If this is something you wanna try, I'm with you. 293 00:15:55,283 --> 00:15:56,528 Really? You really mean that? 294 00:15:56,785 --> 00:16:00,123 I do, I do. If we like it, we like it. If we don't, we don't. 295 00:16:00,159 --> 00:16:01,701 I'm betting we will. 296 00:16:03,502 --> 00:16:06,172 Well, okay. 297 00:16:06,339 --> 00:16:07,917 Thank you. 298 00:16:09,343 --> 00:16:11,882 Oh, here we go. 299 00:16:12,097 --> 00:16:15,798 Okay, all right. Stop. 300 00:16:33,625 --> 00:16:35,452 Should I get the car? 301 00:16:37,296 --> 00:16:38,839 No. 302 00:16:40,550 --> 00:16:43,885 Car, if we leave now, we can still make it by the third inning. Come on. 303 00:16:44,138 --> 00:16:46,048 Doug, I don't wanna leave. 304 00:16:46,558 --> 00:16:49,132 Come on, you can't possibly be liking this. 305 00:16:51,606 --> 00:16:54,359 You can't possibly be liking this. Who are you kidding? 306 00:16:54,610 --> 00:16:55,939 Oh, yes, I am. 307 00:16:56,196 --> 00:16:59,400 Oh, yeah. This? Oh, this is great. 308 00:17:02,329 --> 00:17:05,414 Oh, this is so wonderful. 309 00:17:05,624 --> 00:17:07,784 Come on. 310 00:17:08,462 --> 00:17:12,626 I swear to God, I will smack you. 311 00:17:16,722 --> 00:17:20,009 Will you stop? You're embarrassing me. 312 00:17:20,269 --> 00:17:22,143 I'm embarrassing you? I'm embarrassing you? 313 00:17:22,355 --> 00:17:25,807 You know what? You're embarrassing me. 314 00:17:26,068 --> 00:17:27,443 Are you insane? 315 00:17:27,695 --> 00:17:29,375 Come on. You can't possibly be liking this. 316 00:17:29,572 --> 00:17:32,111 Tell me, what is so great about this? What is so great about it? 317 00:17:32,368 --> 00:17:34,028 Shut up. 318 00:17:47,721 --> 00:17:50,213 I'm sorry. 319 00:17:51,684 --> 00:17:54,390 Carrie, I'm sorry. 320 00:17:55,105 --> 00:17:57,431 I love you. 321 00:18:00,321 --> 00:18:06,859 You can stay or you can leave, I don't care, but just shut up. 322 00:19:29,103 --> 00:19:32,354 Encore! Encore! 323 00:19:43,538 --> 00:19:45,745 Doug, are you coming, or what? 324 00:19:45,958 --> 00:19:47,452 I don't wanna come. 325 00:19:47,710 --> 00:19:51,294 I wanna sit here and keep thinking about what an idiot I've been. 326 00:19:51,548 --> 00:19:53,188 Well, then I'd give you another few hours, 327 00:19:53,384 --> 00:19:55,258 but they're closing the parking garage. 328 00:19:56,722 --> 00:19:59,558 So, what happened to you tonight, Doug? 329 00:19:59,767 --> 00:20:01,926 What made you lose your mind? 330 00:20:04,232 --> 00:20:06,604 You've been so wrapped up in this new job of yours, 331 00:20:06,818 --> 00:20:09,488 with your great new boss and these great people 332 00:20:09,697 --> 00:20:11,524 and all this culture stuff. 333 00:20:12,242 --> 00:20:13,762 I don't know, I just got to wondering, 334 00:20:13,952 --> 00:20:16,160 you know, why you'd ever want to come home to me. 335 00:20:18,917 --> 00:20:21,491 - What? - No, it's just, you know, 336 00:20:21,713 --> 00:20:23,456 you make a good point. 337 00:20:24,550 --> 00:20:27,302 - Thanks. - Well, what the hell is wrong with you? 338 00:20:27,512 --> 00:20:30,679 You think because I take a job on the other side of the river 339 00:20:30,891 --> 00:20:32,434 and go to a frigging cello concert, 340 00:20:32,643 --> 00:20:34,601 I'm not gonna want to be married to you anymore? 341 00:20:34,855 --> 00:20:37,144 No, no, it goes back further than that. 342 00:20:37,358 --> 00:20:38,817 At our wedding, when the priest said, 343 00:20:39,027 --> 00:20:41,234 "Do you take this man to be your lawful wedded husband", 344 00:20:41,447 --> 00:20:42,989 and you said, "Yes", 345 00:20:43,199 --> 00:20:45,869 I gotta be honest, I thought you settled. 346 00:20:46,078 --> 00:20:48,534 - All right, this is ridiculous. - It's not ridiculous. 347 00:20:48,748 --> 00:20:51,703 In case you haven't noticed here, there's a little bit of difference. 348 00:20:51,918 --> 00:20:53,199 You, smart and sexy. 349 00:20:53,420 --> 00:20:55,663 Me, not that smart. 350 00:20:55,882 --> 00:20:58,208 Not that sexy. 351 00:20:58,928 --> 00:21:01,598 Well, if you're so undesirable, 352 00:21:01,806 --> 00:21:04,892 how come I think about you in the middle of a meeting at work? 353 00:21:05,144 --> 00:21:07,600 And how come you still make me laugh 354 00:21:07,814 --> 00:21:12,062 after you tell the same dumb joke for the third time? 355 00:21:12,320 --> 00:21:15,026 And how come I can't sleep until I know you're lying next to me? 356 00:21:16,242 --> 00:21:17,653 Really, you can't? 357 00:21:18,912 --> 00:21:20,490 No. 358 00:21:20,706 --> 00:21:22,829 Then why do you scream when I touch you? 359 00:21:23,251 --> 00:21:25,458 Because I'm sleeping. I'm startled. 360 00:21:26,797 --> 00:21:28,078 I love you. 361 00:21:29,801 --> 00:21:31,878 I love you too. 362 00:21:35,517 --> 00:21:37,973 - So, what did you think of the concert? - I liked it. 363 00:21:38,187 --> 00:21:39,730 Get out of here. You did not. 364 00:21:39,939 --> 00:21:43,440 I did too. It was long, but it was good. 365 00:21:43,778 --> 00:21:45,486 It was long. 366 00:21:45,697 --> 00:21:47,773 God, it was long. 367 00:21:51,955 --> 00:21:53,913 Hey, Bernstein! 368 00:21:54,124 --> 00:21:56,283 Your mother's a ****! 369 00:21:56,544 --> 00:21:58,952 And she likes to **** for $2! 370 00:21:59,214 --> 00:22:02,798 And you pitch like you got a **** up your ****! 371 00:22:07,767 --> 00:22:09,511 I love you. 28794

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.