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1
00:00:04,037 --> 00:00:06,472
- Robert set me up.
2
00:00:06,474 --> 00:00:09,208
I mean, you don't give
your girlfriend of two years
3
00:00:09,210 --> 00:00:11,210
A little velvet box
for her birthday
4
00:00:11,212 --> 00:00:14,413
And not have it be
an engagement ring.
5
00:00:14,415 --> 00:00:16,215
- Oh, amy.
6
00:00:16,217 --> 00:00:17,683
You know, I
don't have any chocolate,
7
00:00:17,685 --> 00:00:20,552
But bite the heads off
these animal crackers.
8
00:00:20,554 --> 00:00:23,255
- Thanks.
9
00:00:23,257 --> 00:00:25,290
- So what was in the box?
10
00:00:25,292 --> 00:00:28,193
- Oh, one of those
beautiful pearl
11
00:00:28,195 --> 00:00:31,663
We're-never-getting-married
necklaces.
12
00:00:31,665 --> 00:00:33,332
- You know,
you just got to give it time.
13
00:00:33,334 --> 00:00:35,401
You and robert
will get married eventually.
14
00:00:35,403 --> 00:00:37,403
- No, we talked about it,
15
00:00:37,405 --> 00:00:39,071
You know, when he asked me
16
00:00:39,073 --> 00:00:42,574
Why I threw
the velvet box at his head.
17
00:00:42,576 --> 00:00:44,076
And he told me,
18
00:00:44,078 --> 00:00:45,277
"I still don't know
what I want.
19
00:00:45,279 --> 00:00:46,345
It's not you; it's me."
20
00:00:46,347 --> 00:00:47,513
- Oh, god.
21
00:00:47,515 --> 00:00:49,381
"it's not you; it's me."
22
00:00:49,383 --> 00:00:51,683
That's on the guys'
greatest hits album.
23
00:00:53,053 --> 00:00:55,087
- So I broke up with him.
24
00:00:55,089 --> 00:00:57,456
- You--again?
On your birthday?
25
00:00:57,458 --> 00:00:59,591
- Why not?
26
00:00:59,593 --> 00:01:01,460
I came into this world alone.
27
00:01:01,462 --> 00:01:03,462
- Oh, amy...
28
00:01:03,464 --> 00:01:04,730
Oh, sweetie...
29
00:01:04,732 --> 00:01:06,765
- No. It's my fault.
30
00:01:06,767 --> 00:01:09,568
I keep falling
for the wrong guys.
31
00:01:09,570 --> 00:01:11,637
This is my pattern.
32
00:01:11,639 --> 00:01:15,707
- Well, your pattern used to be
falling for guys who were gay.
33
00:01:15,709 --> 00:01:17,609
- They didn't start out gay.
34
00:01:17,611 --> 00:01:21,113
They became gay
after going out with me.
35
00:01:21,115 --> 00:01:22,748
- Well, at least it wasn't that
this time.
36
00:01:22,750 --> 00:01:24,750
- As far as we know.
37
00:01:24,752 --> 00:01:26,552
- Yeah, right.
38
00:01:28,555 --> 00:01:31,657
- Maybe robert is gay.
39
00:01:31,659 --> 00:01:33,492
- No.
40
00:01:33,494 --> 00:01:35,527
Are you serious?
41
00:01:35,529 --> 00:01:36,862
- Think about it.
42
00:01:36,864 --> 00:01:39,565
He color-coordinates
his clothes.
43
00:01:39,567 --> 00:01:41,233
He can dance.
44
00:01:42,769 --> 00:01:45,137
Certainly very attached
to his mother.
45
00:01:47,107 --> 00:01:49,141
And he didn't pressure me
to sleep with him
46
00:01:49,143 --> 00:01:52,411
When I wasn't ready
that whole first year.
47
00:01:56,583 --> 00:01:58,650
- Yeah, but then you did
sleep with him.
48
00:01:58,652 --> 00:02:00,152
This is ridiculous.
49
00:02:00,154 --> 00:02:02,855
Robert likes women.
He was married once.
50
00:02:02,857 --> 00:02:04,356
- Yeah, I know.
51
00:02:04,358 --> 00:02:08,460
He started out straight,
but I turn them.
52
00:02:08,462 --> 00:02:10,696
I'm the spatula.
53
00:02:17,637 --> 00:02:20,506
- I should never have
fixed amy and robert up.
54
00:02:20,508 --> 00:02:23,542
- Hey, they had a good run.
55
00:02:23,544 --> 00:02:27,179
Look, sometimes these things
don't work out, you know.
56
00:02:27,181 --> 00:02:28,914
And sometimes they do.
57
00:02:30,917 --> 00:02:33,685
- Two and a half child-bearing
years off of amy's life.
58
00:02:33,687 --> 00:02:35,287
- Mmm.
59
00:02:35,289 --> 00:02:36,822
- You know what I
don't understand?
60
00:02:36,824 --> 00:02:39,258
- [sighs]
61
00:02:39,260 --> 00:02:42,828
That when I kiss your neck,
I'm not checking for ticks.
62
00:02:52,372 --> 00:02:55,741
- Robert is--
robert's always saying
63
00:02:55,743 --> 00:02:56,942
That he wants what you have:
64
00:02:56,944 --> 00:02:58,710
A house, a wife, kids.
65
00:02:58,712 --> 00:03:00,512
He's gonna end up spending
the rest of his life
66
00:03:00,514 --> 00:03:01,747
Going on date after date,
67
00:03:01,749 --> 00:03:04,183
Looking for love
with strangers.
68
00:03:04,185 --> 00:03:05,918
- Yeah.
69
00:03:09,489 --> 00:03:11,290
- I'm serious.
70
00:03:11,292 --> 00:03:12,791
I think robert
needs to get some help.
71
00:03:12,793 --> 00:03:15,327
He's got this big fear
of commitment.
72
00:03:15,329 --> 00:03:16,762
- Is that what amy thinks?
73
00:03:16,764 --> 00:03:18,864
- No. Amy thinks he's gay.
74
00:03:18,866 --> 00:03:21,967
- Hah. Yeah.
I'll bet she does.
75
00:03:21,969 --> 00:03:24,303
- What?
What's that supposed to mean?
76
00:03:24,305 --> 00:03:25,470
- Nothing.
77
00:03:25,472 --> 00:03:27,206
I just--
I think it's funny
78
00:03:27,208 --> 00:03:30,375
How a woman always says
if a guy rejects her,
79
00:03:30,377 --> 00:03:32,778
Oh, he must be gay.
80
00:03:32,780 --> 00:03:34,513
You always reject me,
81
00:03:34,515 --> 00:03:40,252
A-and I don't call you
a lesbian...
82
00:03:40,254 --> 00:03:41,920
Every single time.
83
00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:47,259
- I mean, is there a chance?
84
00:03:47,261 --> 00:03:50,829
- That you're a lesbian?
85
00:03:50,831 --> 00:03:53,365
- That your brother
is gay?
86
00:03:53,367 --> 00:03:54,800
- No!
87
00:03:54,802 --> 00:03:56,568
Why?
Just because he's not married?
88
00:03:56,570 --> 00:03:58,637
Why are we talking
about this?
89
00:03:58,639 --> 00:04:02,507
Oh, you will do anything
to avoid sex with me.
90
00:04:02,509 --> 00:04:04,810
- I'm just saying,
you know, maybe he is
91
00:04:04,812 --> 00:04:07,379
And maybe he doesn't
know that he is.
92
00:04:07,381 --> 00:04:08,580
- He's definitely not.
93
00:04:08,582 --> 00:04:09,982
All right?
He's my brother.
94
00:04:09,984 --> 00:04:12,284
- Oh, okay.
95
00:04:12,286 --> 00:04:13,585
You know,
can I tell you something?
96
00:04:13,587 --> 00:04:15,020
There are some men
97
00:04:15,022 --> 00:04:16,888
Who won't even consider
the possibility
98
00:04:16,890 --> 00:04:18,423
Because it would be
too devastating
99
00:04:18,425 --> 00:04:22,361
To their homophobic families.
100
00:04:22,363 --> 00:04:25,364
- Ooh, look at my big words.
101
00:04:31,771 --> 00:04:33,438
- I'm just saying that,
you know,
102
00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:35,707
Even if robert suspected
that he might be that way,
103
00:04:35,709 --> 00:04:37,476
You could see
how he would think
104
00:04:37,478 --> 00:04:39,611
That it would be easier
just not even to deal with it,
105
00:04:39,613 --> 00:04:42,414
Even if it meant
ending up old and alone.
106
00:04:42,416 --> 00:04:44,950
And wouldn't that be sad?
107
00:04:44,952 --> 00:04:47,286
- You want to see old and alone?
108
00:04:54,761 --> 00:04:56,695
- What are you reading?
109
00:04:56,697 --> 00:04:57,896
- The obituaries.
110
00:04:57,898 --> 00:05:00,299
[chuckling]
111
00:05:00,301 --> 00:05:04,836
I beat all these guys.
112
00:05:04,838 --> 00:05:06,705
- Hey, I need to borrow
your vacuum.
113
00:05:06,707 --> 00:05:08,040
- Hello, dear.
114
00:05:08,042 --> 00:05:09,508
You're just in time
for pancakes.
115
00:05:09,510 --> 00:05:10,642
- All right.
116
00:05:10,644 --> 00:05:12,010
- Hey!
Those are my pancakes!
117
00:05:12,012 --> 00:05:13,578
Why can't he wait
for the next batch?
118
00:05:13,580 --> 00:05:15,380
- I love him.
119
00:05:16,683 --> 00:05:18,050
- Oh, boy, these are good.
120
00:05:18,052 --> 00:05:20,352
- I've been sitting here
a half an hour.
121
00:05:20,354 --> 00:05:21,920
Tomorrow you're gonna
read my obit.
122
00:05:21,922 --> 00:05:26,658
"local man dies
waiting for flapjacks."
123
00:05:26,660 --> 00:05:29,361
- "marie barone
dances in street."
124
00:05:31,397 --> 00:05:34,533
- "disaster declared."
125
00:05:34,535 --> 00:05:36,635
"president to visit street."
126
00:05:40,673 --> 00:05:42,974
- All right,
where's the vacuum?
127
00:05:42,976 --> 00:05:44,543
- Why, what's wrong
with yours?
128
00:05:44,545 --> 00:05:47,579
- Ah, it's hanging
on a curtain.
129
00:05:50,616 --> 00:05:51,883
- You were vacuuming?
130
00:05:51,885 --> 00:05:53,885
- Yeah. Why?
131
00:05:53,887 --> 00:05:56,088
I help out around
the house sometimes.
132
00:05:56,090 --> 00:05:57,856
- Oh, that's nice.
133
00:05:57,858 --> 00:05:59,591
Do you dust too?
134
00:05:59,593 --> 00:06:00,859
With a little
feather duster?
135
00:06:00,861 --> 00:06:02,461
Nancy?
136
00:06:03,963 --> 00:06:06,732
- You know, dad,
137
00:06:06,734 --> 00:06:09,434
Sometimes when you talk
like that,
138
00:06:09,436 --> 00:06:11,403
People could get offended.
139
00:06:11,405 --> 00:06:14,639
- Offended by what?
140
00:06:14,641 --> 00:06:16,041
- Nothing. Nothing.
Forget about it.
141
00:06:16,043 --> 00:06:17,576
- No. What?
142
00:06:17,578 --> 00:06:19,644
- Nothing. It's just...
143
00:06:19,646 --> 00:06:20,946
When you say "nancy,"
144
00:06:20,948 --> 00:06:23,782
What are you
implying exactly?
145
00:06:23,784 --> 00:06:26,651
- That your name
should be nancy.
146
00:06:30,490 --> 00:06:34,860
- And when you say "nancy,"
that's your word for gay.
147
00:06:34,862 --> 00:06:36,762
- Very well.
148
00:06:41,534 --> 00:06:45,504
- And--and you mean that
as an insult?
149
00:06:45,506 --> 00:06:47,806
- Yes, I believe I do.
150
00:06:49,575 --> 00:06:52,544
- Well, that--
that's not nice.
151
00:06:52,546 --> 00:06:54,913
- That's why it's a good insult.
152
00:06:54,915 --> 00:06:56,448
- No.
153
00:06:56,450 --> 00:06:58,617
I mean that's
not nice to gay people.
154
00:07:00,119 --> 00:07:01,787
- You're right.
155
00:07:01,789 --> 00:07:03,522
I'm sorry...
156
00:07:03,524 --> 00:07:04,856
Mary.
157
00:07:07,527 --> 00:07:09,561
- Oh, forget it, raymond.
158
00:07:09,563 --> 00:07:11,496
Forget it.
It's no use.
159
00:07:11,498 --> 00:07:13,031
I've seen how
your father acts
160
00:07:13,033 --> 00:07:15,200
In front of people
who happen to be homosexual.
161
00:07:15,202 --> 00:07:18,003
He's the same ass he is
in front of us.
162
00:07:22,508 --> 00:07:24,109
- You know
some homosexual people?
163
00:07:24,111 --> 00:07:25,577
- Of course we do.
164
00:07:25,579 --> 00:07:27,212
My second cousin freda.
165
00:07:27,214 --> 00:07:28,680
- What?
166
00:07:28,682 --> 00:07:29,848
- You knew that.
167
00:07:29,850 --> 00:07:31,983
- I most certainly did not.
168
00:07:31,985 --> 00:07:34,686
- Why do you think
she never got married?
169
00:07:34,688 --> 00:07:37,055
- Because she
looks like a pit bull.
170
00:07:42,695 --> 00:07:44,663
- She even brought
her girlfriend
171
00:07:44,665 --> 00:07:46,865
To our anniversary party.
172
00:07:46,867 --> 00:07:50,836
- That blue hair
who ate all the meatballs?
173
00:07:50,838 --> 00:07:52,871
- Yeah, they've been together
for years.
174
00:07:52,873 --> 00:07:56,575
Midge.
175
00:07:56,577 --> 00:07:58,543
- And--and you have
no problem with this?
176
00:07:58,545 --> 00:08:00,245
- It would've been nice
if she left some meatballs
177
00:08:00,247 --> 00:08:02,080
For the other guests.
178
00:08:02,082 --> 00:08:05,016
But I have no problems
with the gay people.
179
00:08:08,554 --> 00:08:10,622
- What did you
bring this up for?
180
00:08:10,624 --> 00:08:12,090
- I didn't. I didn't.
181
00:08:12,092 --> 00:08:13,492
Last night,
debra was sayin'
182
00:08:13,494 --> 00:08:15,494
That if someone
in our family was gay--
183
00:08:15,496 --> 00:08:17,629
- Was it jeffrey?
184
00:08:17,631 --> 00:08:18,864
I told you about him.
185
00:08:18,866 --> 00:08:20,065
- Would you stop, dad?
186
00:08:20,067 --> 00:08:22,000
- Look at him.
He runs funny.
187
00:08:22,002 --> 00:08:23,768
- Oh.
188
00:08:26,138 --> 00:08:27,772
We were talkin'
about robert.
189
00:08:27,774 --> 00:08:28,940
- Robert?
190
00:08:28,942 --> 00:08:29,941
- Robert's not gay.
191
00:08:29,943 --> 00:08:33,678
He's a policeman.
192
00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:39,017
- One of those village people
was a policeman.
193
00:08:39,019 --> 00:08:40,585
- Robert's not gay.
194
00:08:40,587 --> 00:08:41,887
- Then why did
you say he was?
195
00:08:41,889 --> 00:08:43,188
- I didn't!
196
00:08:43,190 --> 00:08:44,856
- Hey, you taught him
all those songs.
197
00:08:44,858 --> 00:08:48,693
- What?
We sang songs together.
198
00:08:48,695 --> 00:08:50,962
[singing]
somewhere over the rainbow
199
00:08:50,964 --> 00:08:52,531
- Knock it off!
200
00:08:52,533 --> 00:08:53,598
- What?
201
00:08:53,600 --> 00:08:54,833
- That's how it starts!
202
00:08:54,835 --> 00:08:56,101
- Oh, please!
203
00:08:56,103 --> 00:08:59,671
He's not gay.
He's dating amy.
204
00:08:59,673 --> 00:09:00,739
- Yeah, well...
205
00:09:00,741 --> 00:09:03,174
- What? They broke up?
206
00:09:03,176 --> 00:09:04,676
- Yes, but--but--
207
00:09:04,678 --> 00:09:06,578
- They broke up?
Why did they break up?
208
00:09:06,580 --> 00:09:07,879
- I don't know, ma.
209
00:09:07,881 --> 00:09:09,781
- This is the third time.
210
00:09:09,783 --> 00:09:11,216
[gasps]
oh, my god.
211
00:09:11,218 --> 00:09:13,018
- Oh, come on.
Look, it's not because--
212
00:09:13,020 --> 00:09:14,753
- I told you.
It was too much mothering.
213
00:09:14,755 --> 00:09:16,888
You're always hugging him.
214
00:09:16,890 --> 00:09:19,057
- Did you ever hug him once?
215
00:09:19,059 --> 00:09:21,326
- What the hell
is happening here?
216
00:09:21,328 --> 00:09:22,861
- Nothing!
217
00:09:22,863 --> 00:09:25,297
Nothing is happening, frank.
218
00:09:25,299 --> 00:09:27,866
Could you try to be mature
for a second?
219
00:09:27,868 --> 00:09:28,867
He's still our son.
220
00:09:28,869 --> 00:09:30,268
We need to underst--
221
00:09:30,270 --> 00:09:33,004
- Oh, could you both
stop, please?
222
00:09:33,006 --> 00:09:35,206
- Hello, everybody.
223
00:09:36,876 --> 00:09:38,209
- Robert.
224
00:09:47,954 --> 00:09:51,222
It's fine with me
if you're gay, dear.
225
00:10:02,301 --> 00:10:04,235
- Who told you I was gay?
226
00:10:04,237 --> 00:10:05,270
- Raymond.
227
00:10:05,272 --> 00:10:06,838
- Ma!
228
00:10:08,274 --> 00:10:09,741
I didn't say that,
all right?
229
00:10:09,743 --> 00:10:11,276
I didn't say anything.
230
00:10:11,278 --> 00:10:14,112
- He told us that you
broke up with amy again.
231
00:10:14,114 --> 00:10:16,281
- Well, that means I'm not
ready to get married right now.
232
00:10:16,283 --> 00:10:17,916
It doesn't mean I'm gay.
233
00:10:17,918 --> 00:10:20,118
- All right, sweetheart.
Have some pancakes.
234
00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:22,187
- I'm not gay!
Tell them, raymond.
235
00:10:22,189 --> 00:10:23,321
- He's not!
236
00:10:23,323 --> 00:10:25,056
- Here.
Sit down, dear.
237
00:10:25,058 --> 00:10:26,858
- You know, it's just
this thing with amy was
238
00:10:26,860 --> 00:10:28,126
I-I-I couldn't commit
right now.
239
00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:29,327
I don't know what it is.
240
00:10:29,329 --> 00:10:30,962
Maybe she's not the one for me.
241
00:10:30,964 --> 00:10:32,964
- Is it because she's a woman?
242
00:10:35,334 --> 00:10:38,637
- Oh, my god.
243
00:10:38,639 --> 00:10:42,741
Is there a gas leak
in here?
244
00:10:42,743 --> 00:10:46,311
- Oh, come on.
Come here.
245
00:10:46,313 --> 00:10:47,646
I just want to tell you
246
00:10:47,648 --> 00:10:49,047
That your father and I
love you
247
00:10:49,049 --> 00:10:50,949
And will support you
no matter what.
248
00:10:50,951 --> 00:10:52,083
Right, frank?
249
00:10:59,125 --> 00:11:01,793
I'll support you...
250
00:11:01,795 --> 00:11:03,795
- Thanks, ma.
251
00:11:03,797 --> 00:11:05,263
- Even if you are gay.
252
00:11:05,265 --> 00:11:06,665
- Believe me, robert,
253
00:11:06,667 --> 00:11:08,066
I did not say
that you were gay.
254
00:11:08,068 --> 00:11:11,102
- Could we talk about
something else, please?
255
00:11:11,104 --> 00:11:14,339
- I mean, you of all people
should understand, frank.
256
00:11:14,341 --> 00:11:16,307
What about that man in korea?
257
00:11:16,309 --> 00:11:19,077
- I told you never
to mention that.
258
00:11:29,789 --> 00:11:31,956
- What?
What happened in korea?
259
00:11:33,025 --> 00:11:34,426
- Nothing happened.
260
00:11:34,428 --> 00:11:36,227
We were in a foxhole.
261
00:11:36,229 --> 00:11:37,696
It was cold and snowing.
262
00:11:37,698 --> 00:11:39,698
We had to keep warm.
263
00:11:39,700 --> 00:11:41,099
We huddled.
264
00:11:41,101 --> 00:11:42,233
You gotta survive, don't ya?
265
00:11:42,235 --> 00:11:44,369
It lasted half a second.
266
00:11:44,371 --> 00:11:47,872
- You see, dear,
your father understands.
267
00:11:47,874 --> 00:11:49,074
- Our coats were insufficient!
268
00:11:49,076 --> 00:11:51,276
It was huddle or die!
269
00:11:51,278 --> 00:11:54,179
- Oh, shut up, frank.
270
00:11:54,181 --> 00:11:56,214
We're talking about robert.
271
00:11:56,216 --> 00:11:59,250
And we're telling him
that we will respect his choice.
272
00:11:59,252 --> 00:12:01,886
- It's not my choice!
273
00:12:01,888 --> 00:12:03,488
- I know, dear.
274
00:12:03,490 --> 00:12:08,093
Freda says it's something
you're born with.
275
00:12:08,095 --> 00:12:10,161
- Look, robert, just ignore 'em.
That's all.
276
00:12:10,163 --> 00:12:12,764
- Ignore them?
My parents think I'm gay.
277
00:12:12,766 --> 00:12:14,199
- So what?
278
00:12:14,201 --> 00:12:15,767
If they tell
everyone they know,
279
00:12:15,769 --> 00:12:17,769
That's four people.
280
00:12:26,278 --> 00:12:28,780
- Thanks a lot, raymond.
281
00:12:28,782 --> 00:12:30,415
- I didn't say you were,
all right?
282
00:12:30,417 --> 00:12:32,183
It was a "what if?"
283
00:12:32,185 --> 00:12:34,185
You know, like,
"what if we were adopted?"
284
00:12:34,187 --> 00:12:36,921
It didn't really happen,
but it's fun to think about.
285
00:12:39,191 --> 00:12:41,292
- Yeah?
Well, have your fun.
286
00:12:43,963 --> 00:12:48,166
- He has always been
very sensitive.
287
00:12:48,168 --> 00:12:49,200
- He outranked me.
288
00:12:49,202 --> 00:12:51,469
I couldn't say no!
289
00:13:07,820 --> 00:13:10,822
- [singing]
it's so nice to be
290
00:13:10,824 --> 00:13:14,926
Back home where I belong
291
00:13:14,928 --> 00:13:16,561
You're looking s--
[music stops]
292
00:13:16,563 --> 00:13:18,496
[knock on door]
293
00:13:18,498 --> 00:13:19,998
- Robert.
294
00:13:23,135 --> 00:13:24,869
I know you're in there.
295
00:13:24,871 --> 00:13:28,139
I parked right behind you.
296
00:13:28,141 --> 00:13:30,542
- Then move your car.
297
00:13:30,544 --> 00:13:34,078
I don't want to be late
for my parade in the village.
298
00:13:37,516 --> 00:13:40,251
- Come on,
I just want to talk.
299
00:13:40,253 --> 00:13:42,287
- Go away.
300
00:13:42,289 --> 00:13:45,156
- Listen,
I know you're not gay!
301
00:13:45,158 --> 00:13:46,825
- Get in here!
302
00:13:53,132 --> 00:13:54,933
You don't think I'm gay?
303
00:13:54,935 --> 00:13:57,101
Then why was I outed
at breakfast?
304
00:13:57,103 --> 00:13:59,137
- Come on, you know
mom and dad.
305
00:13:59,139 --> 00:14:01,573
You say one thing
and they're off and running.
306
00:14:01,575 --> 00:14:03,541
- And what was
that one thing?
307
00:14:03,543 --> 00:14:05,977
"robert's man crazy"?
308
00:14:08,447 --> 00:14:09,614
- I wouldn't say that.
309
00:14:09,616 --> 00:14:12,083
I-I'd say something like...
310
00:14:12,085 --> 00:14:13,918
Like, robert has lovely
little knickknacks
311
00:14:13,920 --> 00:14:15,320
On his mantel.
312
00:14:17,590 --> 00:14:21,326
- They are lovely.
313
00:14:21,328 --> 00:14:23,461
- Yeah, okay. So what?
314
00:14:23,463 --> 00:14:27,232
- I got them
at an antique fair.
315
00:14:27,234 --> 00:14:29,200
- All right, well, whatever.
316
00:14:29,202 --> 00:14:30,935
Look, I was kidding.
317
00:14:30,937 --> 00:14:32,904
I'm sorry
that I talked to mom and dad.
318
00:14:32,906 --> 00:14:34,639
I always am.
319
00:14:37,142 --> 00:14:39,878
- Well, no, listen,
I never considered it.
320
00:14:39,880 --> 00:14:40,945
Look at me.
321
00:14:40,947 --> 00:14:41,946
I'm divorced,
322
00:14:41,948 --> 00:14:43,114
Breakups left and right...
323
00:14:43,116 --> 00:14:44,349
I don't know, raymond.
324
00:14:44,351 --> 00:14:45,617
If the whole family
thinks I am--
325
00:14:45,619 --> 00:14:47,085
- Will you stop it?
326
00:14:47,087 --> 00:14:48,987
They don't think
you're gay.
327
00:14:48,989 --> 00:14:50,955
They're just confused.
328
00:14:52,491 --> 00:14:57,562
Maybe you shouldn't have worn
that shirt today.
329
00:14:57,564 --> 00:14:59,530
- Oh, hey,
I didn't buy this shirt.
330
00:14:59,532 --> 00:15:02,100
Ma bought it for me.
331
00:15:04,436 --> 00:15:06,337
- Aw.
332
00:15:06,339 --> 00:15:08,907
Look, this whole thing
is debra's fault.
333
00:15:08,909 --> 00:15:10,208
She--she put
the idea in my head
334
00:15:10,210 --> 00:15:11,910
That if you were gay--
335
00:15:11,912 --> 00:15:13,444
- Debra thinks I'm gay too?
336
00:15:13,446 --> 00:15:15,179
- No!
No one thinks you're gay!
337
00:15:15,181 --> 00:15:16,648
Except for maybe amy.
338
00:15:16,650 --> 00:15:18,149
- Oh.
339
00:15:18,151 --> 00:15:20,351
Only the woman
I was sleeping with.
340
00:15:20,353 --> 00:15:22,487
- Look, amy's got nothing
to compare it with.
341
00:15:22,489 --> 00:15:25,523
She was a virgin
when you met her.
342
00:15:25,525 --> 00:15:27,058
Come on.
343
00:15:27,060 --> 00:15:28,660
You got nothing
to worry about.
344
00:15:28,662 --> 00:15:30,161
Jeez.
345
00:15:33,399 --> 00:15:36,267
- Hey, ray.
346
00:15:36,269 --> 00:15:39,270
Let me ask you
something.
347
00:15:39,272 --> 00:15:41,139
Do you ever notice guys?
348
00:15:41,141 --> 00:15:42,674
- What do you mean?
349
00:15:42,676 --> 00:15:44,676
- Well, like if a guy's
really cut, you know,
350
00:15:44,678 --> 00:15:47,145
When you're at the gym.
351
00:15:47,147 --> 00:15:48,413
You ever notice 'em?
352
00:15:54,687 --> 00:15:57,055
- Nope.
353
00:15:57,057 --> 00:15:58,089
- Oh.
354
00:15:58,091 --> 00:16:00,224
- Hmm.
355
00:16:00,226 --> 00:16:02,460
Do you?
356
00:16:02,462 --> 00:16:04,429
- A little bit.
357
00:16:04,431 --> 00:16:05,563
- Yeah, well, so what?
358
00:16:05,565 --> 00:16:06,664
So you notice them
a little.
359
00:16:06,666 --> 00:16:07,665
So what?
That's normal.
360
00:16:07,667 --> 00:16:09,600
- Then why don't you?
361
00:16:09,602 --> 00:16:11,035
- All right.
362
00:16:11,037 --> 00:16:12,270
I notice a little.
363
00:16:12,272 --> 00:16:13,571
Like I noticed
your knickknacks.
364
00:16:13,573 --> 00:16:15,273
It's...
365
00:16:15,275 --> 00:16:17,208
It's something in the room,
that's all.
366
00:16:17,210 --> 00:16:19,344
It doesn't mean I got a thing
for knickknacks.
367
00:16:27,019 --> 00:16:30,588
- So you never wondered
if you were?
368
00:16:30,590 --> 00:16:34,092
- Every guy wonders if he is
at some point.
369
00:16:34,094 --> 00:16:35,259
- You sure?
370
00:16:35,261 --> 00:16:36,661
- Yeah, yeah.
371
00:16:36,663 --> 00:16:38,463
You wonder,
and then you see some breasts,
372
00:16:38,465 --> 00:16:40,365
You walk into a wall,
and there you go.
373
00:16:43,268 --> 00:16:44,469
- So...
374
00:16:44,471 --> 00:16:45,603
When did you
think about it?
375
00:16:45,605 --> 00:16:47,171
- I don't know.
376
00:16:47,173 --> 00:16:49,007
I don't know.
I don't remember.
377
00:16:49,009 --> 00:16:51,275
- You don't remember 'cause you
never thought about it.
378
00:16:51,277 --> 00:16:52,343
- I thought about it!
379
00:16:52,345 --> 00:16:53,745
- When?
- Tenth grade!
380
00:16:55,014 --> 00:16:57,382
- Go ahead.
381
00:16:57,384 --> 00:16:58,716
- It was nothing.
382
00:16:58,718 --> 00:17:00,518
It's...
383
00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:02,720
Patrick lopez wrote
"you're a gay" in my yearbook.
384
00:17:02,722 --> 00:17:04,555
And I thought...
385
00:17:04,557 --> 00:17:07,525
Maybe I was.
386
00:17:07,527 --> 00:17:09,127
- Just because
he wrote that?
387
00:17:09,129 --> 00:17:10,428
- No.
388
00:17:10,430 --> 00:17:12,030
Because...
Patrick lopez was gay,
389
00:17:12,032 --> 00:17:14,232
And I thought he would know.
390
00:17:17,036 --> 00:17:18,636
- What if I don't know?
391
00:17:18,638 --> 00:17:20,438
- Well, you--you're not!
392
00:17:20,440 --> 00:17:22,373
Wh...Even if you were,
well, all right.
393
00:17:22,375 --> 00:17:23,708
It wouldn't be
the end of the world.
394
00:17:23,710 --> 00:17:25,109
You'd still be
my brother.
395
00:17:26,445 --> 00:17:29,614
My big
homosexual brother.
396
00:17:33,385 --> 00:17:35,653
- That means
a lot to me, raymond.
397
00:17:35,655 --> 00:17:37,655
- Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
398
00:17:47,399 --> 00:17:48,666
[robert chuckles]
399
00:17:48,668 --> 00:17:49,767
- I'm glad
we had this talk.
400
00:17:49,769 --> 00:17:51,636
This is nice.
401
00:17:51,638 --> 00:17:54,238
I should be gay
more often.
402
00:17:55,441 --> 00:17:56,674
Hey, did you hear
what ma said?
403
00:17:56,676 --> 00:17:57,675
- When?
404
00:17:57,677 --> 00:17:59,210
- This morning.
405
00:17:59,212 --> 00:18:00,778
She said that she would
love and support me
406
00:18:00,780 --> 00:18:02,313
No matter what.
407
00:18:02,315 --> 00:18:05,750
That's the nicest thing
she ever said to me.
408
00:18:05,752 --> 00:18:07,285
The runner-up was
409
00:18:07,287 --> 00:18:09,554
"you've got spinach
in your teeth."
410
00:18:09,556 --> 00:18:11,722
I'll tell you
one thing:
411
00:18:11,724 --> 00:18:15,526
I would've made
an excellent gay man.
412
00:18:15,528 --> 00:18:16,594
- What?
413
00:18:16,596 --> 00:18:18,162
- Yeah. Hear me out.
414
00:18:18,164 --> 00:18:19,797
I always have problems
with women, right?
415
00:18:19,799 --> 00:18:21,599
But you hang with a guy...
416
00:18:21,601 --> 00:18:23,267
There's no hassles.
417
00:18:23,269 --> 00:18:24,769
Play some golf.
418
00:18:24,771 --> 00:18:26,871
Y-you tell a joke.
Nobody's offended.
419
00:18:26,873 --> 00:18:28,639
Or you wouldn't
even have to talk at all.
420
00:18:28,641 --> 00:18:30,274
Nobody cares.
421
00:18:30,276 --> 00:18:31,609
We could sit and watch tv
422
00:18:31,611 --> 00:18:33,411
As long as we want,
and nobody asks,
423
00:18:33,413 --> 00:18:35,646
[in a high-pitched voice]
"what are you thinking?"
424
00:18:35,648 --> 00:18:38,683
- Maybe I'm gay.
425
00:18:38,685 --> 00:18:42,386
[chuckles]
426
00:18:42,388 --> 00:18:43,754
- Don't laugh so fast.
427
00:18:43,756 --> 00:18:45,256
There was a sergeant
on our force,
428
00:18:45,258 --> 00:18:46,824
A regular guy
just like you and me,
429
00:18:46,826 --> 00:18:48,526
Who had no idea he was that way
430
00:18:48,528 --> 00:18:51,395
Until his trip to hawaii.
431
00:18:51,397 --> 00:18:53,297
- What do you mean?
Why? What happened?
432
00:18:53,299 --> 00:18:54,699
- A guy rented him
a boogie board,
433
00:18:54,701 --> 00:18:57,268
And a bell went off.
434
00:18:57,270 --> 00:19:00,538
Today they run
a gift shop on maui.
435
00:19:03,775 --> 00:19:04,775
- So what?
436
00:19:04,777 --> 00:19:06,244
What are you saying?
437
00:19:06,246 --> 00:19:08,913
We just haven't met mr. Right?
438
00:19:08,915 --> 00:19:10,681
- I don't know.
439
00:19:10,683 --> 00:19:13,651
- Debra and I were talking about
going to hawaii.
440
00:19:16,155 --> 00:19:18,156
- I wouldn't.
441
00:19:18,158 --> 00:19:20,391
[knock on door]
442
00:19:20,393 --> 00:19:21,926
- Robert.
443
00:19:21,928 --> 00:19:23,394
Hey...
444
00:19:23,396 --> 00:19:25,396
You got someone in there?
445
00:19:31,603 --> 00:19:34,205
- Yes I do.
446
00:19:34,207 --> 00:19:37,341
- Nevermind, I'll come back.
447
00:19:37,343 --> 00:19:38,643
Oh.
448
00:19:38,645 --> 00:19:40,278
Hey, ray.
449
00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:41,913
- Yeah, hi there, dad.
450
00:19:41,915 --> 00:19:43,447
- What are you doing here?
451
00:19:43,449 --> 00:19:46,484
- I got to get
your mother off my back.
452
00:19:46,486 --> 00:19:48,186
She's killing me over this.
453
00:19:48,188 --> 00:19:52,757
"he's your son.
Why can't you be a person?"
454
00:19:52,759 --> 00:19:54,692
So I'm here.
455
00:19:54,694 --> 00:19:56,894
I'm talking to you.
456
00:19:56,896 --> 00:19:59,463
Okay?
457
00:19:59,465 --> 00:20:01,432
- Okay.
458
00:20:01,434 --> 00:20:05,236
- But there's certain things
I don't want to talk about.
459
00:20:05,238 --> 00:20:06,904
- Okay.
460
00:20:06,906 --> 00:20:11,242
So you want to
watch a game or something?
461
00:20:11,244 --> 00:20:12,677
- Yes.
462
00:20:12,679 --> 00:20:13,945
Yes, the game.
463
00:20:13,947 --> 00:20:16,247
The game is good.
464
00:20:16,249 --> 00:20:17,315
- How about you ray?
465
00:20:17,317 --> 00:20:18,516
You want to watch?
466
00:20:18,518 --> 00:20:20,318
- Yeah, yeah put the game on.
467
00:20:22,521 --> 00:20:26,757
- So, this is all right.
468
00:20:26,759 --> 00:20:29,627
Just the guys hanging out.
469
00:20:29,629 --> 00:20:32,330
- Dad, let me ask you something.
470
00:20:32,332 --> 00:20:35,566
You ever been to hawaii?
471
00:20:35,568 --> 00:20:38,502
- Oh yeah, I love hawaii.
472
00:20:38,504 --> 00:20:40,705
It's beautiful there.
473
00:20:40,707 --> 00:20:42,773
Me and a few of the guys
from my unit
474
00:20:42,775 --> 00:20:47,945
Had a stopover there
on the way back from korea.
475
00:20:47,947 --> 00:20:50,548
Boy, did we see some action!
476
00:20:57,856 --> 00:21:00,625
[doorbell rings]
477
00:21:00,627 --> 00:21:01,792
- I got it.
478
00:21:08,433 --> 00:21:10,601
- Hey, how's it going?
479
00:21:15,340 --> 00:21:18,009
I just need you
to sign for this.
480
00:21:31,056 --> 00:21:33,357
I-I'm gonna
need that back.
481
00:21:34,493 --> 00:21:35,693
Thanks a lot.
See ya.
482
00:21:35,695 --> 00:21:37,061
- Mm-hmm.
483
00:21:40,499 --> 00:21:41,899
- What'd you get?
484
00:21:51,343 --> 00:21:52,977
- There you go.
32175
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