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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,744 --> 00:00:02,812 Okay, everybody, time for the hummingbird lottery. 2 00:00:04,080 --> 00:00:05,914 [all groaning] yay, okay. 3 00:00:05,982 --> 00:00:07,149 You know how it works. 4 00:00:07,216 --> 00:00:08,483 Write your name down on a piece of paper. 5 00:00:08,551 --> 00:00:10,352 No, they don't win a hummingbird. 6 00:00:10,420 --> 00:00:11,787 I installed hummingbird feeders 7 00:00:11,854 --> 00:00:13,155 In all of the parks. 8 00:00:13,222 --> 00:00:16,558 So the winner gets to refill those feeders. 9 00:00:16,626 --> 00:00:20,061 Scientifically, hummingbirds are the world's cutest animals. 10 00:00:20,129 --> 00:00:23,631 I mean, they're so small, and they have tiny beaks. 11 00:00:28,001 --> 00:00:31,337 Come on. Baby monkeys in diapers? 12 00:00:31,404 --> 00:00:33,706 Yeah. They do. 13 00:00:33,773 --> 00:00:35,441 Baby monkeys in diapers are the cutest. 14 00:00:35,509 --> 00:00:36,942 Okay, who's it gonna be? 15 00:00:37,010 --> 00:00:39,044 All: Not me. Not me. Not me. 16 00:00:39,112 --> 00:00:41,547 - Jerry. - Yeah! 17 00:00:41,615 --> 00:00:43,048 You can stop by tomorrow morning before work. 18 00:00:43,116 --> 00:00:44,550 This is my third time in a row. 19 00:00:44,618 --> 00:00:46,051 It's just a bad luck streak, buddy. 20 00:00:46,119 --> 00:00:48,254 Next time, I'm sure it'll definitely be one of us. 21 00:00:48,321 --> 00:00:53,125 But it won't be me because I always write... 22 00:00:53,193 --> 00:00:55,227 [laughs] yeah. 23 00:00:55,295 --> 00:00:56,729 Yup. 24 00:00:56,796 --> 00:00:59,265 No. I always write my own name. 25 00:00:59,332 --> 00:01:05,237 But just to be safe, I do add 20 extra jerrys. 26 00:01:05,305 --> 00:01:08,374 [triumphant music] 27 00:01:08,441 --> 00:01:16,215 Sync by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com 28 00:01:25,358 --> 00:01:26,125 And finally we are going 29 00:01:26,193 --> 00:01:28,261 To kick off the children's concert series 30 00:01:28,328 --> 00:01:30,997 This weekend with a performance by freddy spaghetti. 31 00:01:31,065 --> 00:01:33,132 I thought freddy spaghetti o.D.'d. 32 00:01:33,200 --> 00:01:34,333 No. That's mr. Funny noodle. 33 00:01:34,401 --> 00:01:36,135 And he didn't o.D. His drummer shot him. 34 00:01:36,203 --> 00:01:38,171 - Oh. - Where's jerry, by the way? 35 00:01:38,238 --> 00:01:39,839 Why isn't he back? How long does it take 36 00:01:39,907 --> 00:01:40,907 To fill bird feeders? 37 00:01:40,974 --> 00:01:42,508 Maybe he fell into the toilet. 38 00:01:42,576 --> 00:01:43,976 Remember when he fell into the toilet? 39 00:01:44,044 --> 00:01:45,378 [laughter] 40 00:01:45,446 --> 00:01:46,813 "oh, sorry, guys. Sorry I'm late. 41 00:01:46,880 --> 00:01:48,247 "I got confused and took a shower 42 00:01:48,315 --> 00:01:50,016 After I got dressed 'cause I'm jerry." 43 00:01:50,084 --> 00:01:51,284 [laughter] 44 00:01:51,351 --> 00:01:54,153 David meyers, the jewish guy who works 45 00:01:54,221 --> 00:01:56,322 At city hall, once told me something. 46 00:01:56,390 --> 00:02:00,726 A schlemiel is the guy who spills soup 47 00:02:00,794 --> 00:02:01,794 At a fancy party. 48 00:02:01,862 --> 00:02:05,298 A schlimazel is the guy he spills it on. 49 00:02:05,365 --> 00:02:10,870 Jerry is both the schlemiel and the schlimazel of our office. 50 00:02:10,938 --> 00:02:12,905 "and then I put my underwear on my head 51 00:02:12,973 --> 00:02:14,340 Instead of my butt." 52 00:02:14,408 --> 00:02:16,342 [laughter] 53 00:02:16,410 --> 00:02:18,744 Okay, okay, guys, that's enough. 54 00:02:18,812 --> 00:02:20,413 Unless somebody has another good one. 55 00:02:20,481 --> 00:02:22,515 [cell phone rings] 56 00:02:22,583 --> 00:02:24,383 Oh. [clears throat] 57 00:02:24,451 --> 00:02:26,486 Hey, ann. 58 00:02:26,553 --> 00:02:28,054 Oh, no. 59 00:02:28,122 --> 00:02:29,989 Jerry, jerry, are you okay? 60 00:02:30,057 --> 00:02:31,691 Ann, is jerry okay? What's wrong with your arm? 61 00:02:31,758 --> 00:02:33,092 Ann, tell me what's wrong with jerry's arm. 62 00:02:33,160 --> 00:02:35,027 Jerry, talk to me. Ann, get jerry to talk to me. 63 00:02:35,095 --> 00:02:37,029 Okay. He's okay. 64 00:02:37,097 --> 00:02:39,565 He's got a couple of scrapes and a dislocated shoulder. 65 00:02:39,633 --> 00:02:43,102 - What happened? - You guys are just gonna laugh. 66 00:02:43,170 --> 00:02:44,303 Why? Did you throw out your shoulder 67 00:02:44,371 --> 00:02:46,005 Trying to swing a honey pot off your hand? 68 00:02:46,073 --> 00:02:47,106 I was mugged. 69 00:02:47,174 --> 00:02:49,008 - Oh. - Oh, my god. 70 00:02:49,076 --> 00:02:50,743 Oh, I'm so sorry, jerry. 71 00:02:50,811 --> 00:02:52,411 I was on my way to the hummingbird feeders, 72 00:02:52,479 --> 00:02:55,114 And I was walking lord sheldon. - Ew. 73 00:02:55,182 --> 00:02:57,683 Is that code for some kind of weird sex act? 74 00:02:57,751 --> 00:02:59,018 Lord sheldon is my dog. 75 00:02:59,086 --> 00:03:00,286 My wife named him. 76 00:03:00,354 --> 00:03:01,621 Ew. 77 00:03:01,688 --> 00:03:02,889 These kids, they came out of nowhere. 78 00:03:02,956 --> 00:03:05,158 They pinned my arm back, they grabbed my wallet, 79 00:03:05,225 --> 00:03:06,425 And they knocked me to the ground. 80 00:03:06,493 --> 00:03:07,727 How did you counterattack? 81 00:03:07,794 --> 00:03:09,095 Fist to the throat? 82 00:03:09,163 --> 00:03:10,696 Did you hit 'em in the beanbag? 83 00:03:10,764 --> 00:03:13,766 There's no shame in attacking a criminal's beanbag. 84 00:03:13,834 --> 00:03:15,601 No, I just curled up and laid still till they left. 85 00:03:15,669 --> 00:03:19,438 Well, that's another way to play it. 86 00:03:19,506 --> 00:03:20,840 Did any of them have weird tattoos 87 00:03:20,908 --> 00:03:22,108 Or scars or anything? 88 00:03:22,176 --> 00:03:23,743 If even one of them had a unique scar, 89 00:03:23,810 --> 00:03:24,810 We got 'em. 90 00:03:24,878 --> 00:03:26,479 I didn't get a good look. 91 00:03:26,547 --> 00:03:28,247 Damn it, jerry. 92 00:03:28,315 --> 00:03:29,782 Sorry. You're the victim. 93 00:03:29,850 --> 00:03:31,817 Sorry. Sorry. [sighs] 94 00:03:31,885 --> 00:03:33,986 I feel like we're responsible for this. 95 00:03:34,054 --> 00:03:35,855 Why? We didn't mug jerry. 96 00:03:35,923 --> 00:03:38,157 Well, why was he in the park in the first place? 97 00:03:38,225 --> 00:03:39,492 'cause we tricked him into going there. 98 00:03:39,560 --> 00:03:41,127 I don't see the connection. 99 00:03:41,195 --> 00:03:42,361 Oh, no, no. This is on us. 100 00:03:42,429 --> 00:03:44,030 It's karma. - Wouldn't it be karma 101 00:03:44,097 --> 00:03:45,498 If we were the ones that got mugged? 102 00:03:45,566 --> 00:03:46,566 Yeah, that's how pathetic jerry is. 103 00:03:46,633 --> 00:03:47,934 He can't even get karma right. 104 00:03:48,001 --> 00:03:49,669 [laughter] 105 00:03:49,736 --> 00:03:50,836 No, that's not funny. 106 00:03:53,640 --> 00:03:55,541 Our friend got mugged this morning. 107 00:03:55,609 --> 00:03:57,510 And we will not let that happen in vain. 108 00:03:57,578 --> 00:03:59,111 He doesn't have a black eye. 109 00:03:59,179 --> 00:04:01,547 Well, frankly, the whole department has a black eye. 110 00:04:01,615 --> 00:04:02,982 This is our wakeup call, guys. 111 00:04:03,050 --> 00:04:05,017 Jerry's face is the symbol of failure. 112 00:04:05,085 --> 00:04:06,118 [snickers] 113 00:04:06,186 --> 00:04:08,588 Our failure. To keep the parks safe. 114 00:04:08,655 --> 00:04:10,022 I have some folders. 115 00:04:10,090 --> 00:04:11,424 Inside are some assignments. 116 00:04:11,491 --> 00:04:13,759 And some homemade taffy. 117 00:04:13,827 --> 00:04:16,162 All: Mm. 118 00:04:16,230 --> 00:04:18,531 April, I want you to check in with our police liaison. 119 00:04:18,599 --> 00:04:20,132 Donna, I need you to go to ramsett park. 120 00:04:20,200 --> 00:04:21,434 Tom, you're with me. 121 00:04:21,501 --> 00:04:23,402 So when you say you want me to check in 122 00:04:23,470 --> 00:04:26,339 With the police liaison, you mean hook up with him, right? 123 00:04:26,406 --> 00:04:29,375 No. Just check in with him. 124 00:04:29,443 --> 00:04:31,644 Everybody dismissed. Wait. I want to help. 125 00:04:31,712 --> 00:04:33,179 - What? - I'm gonna teach everybody 126 00:04:33,247 --> 00:04:36,449 Self-defense, so you can defend yourselves. 127 00:04:36,516 --> 00:04:38,951 We need it 'cause we certainly are a bunch of weaklings. 128 00:04:39,019 --> 00:04:40,219 Especially tom. 129 00:04:40,287 --> 00:04:41,887 I am not a weakling. 130 00:04:41,955 --> 00:04:45,124 - Arm-wrestle me right now. - Okay. 131 00:04:45,192 --> 00:04:48,861 I think I'm more than holding my own here. 132 00:04:48,929 --> 00:04:54,467 - Three, four, five... - Hey. 133 00:04:54,534 --> 00:04:55,868 Six. 134 00:04:55,936 --> 00:04:58,037 Hey. How you doing? - Not too bad. 135 00:04:58,105 --> 00:05:00,673 I was just dropping off jerry from the hospital. 136 00:05:00,741 --> 00:05:01,807 He was mugged in the park. 137 00:05:01,875 --> 00:05:03,709 No. Jerry? 138 00:05:03,777 --> 00:05:05,711 Uh, the black guy with the looney tunes ties? 139 00:05:05,779 --> 00:05:06,946 I love him. 140 00:05:07,014 --> 00:05:08,814 No, jerry who works with leslie. 141 00:05:08,882 --> 00:05:10,883 [laughs] that jerry? 142 00:05:10,951 --> 00:05:12,652 - Yeah. - He got mugged? 143 00:05:12,719 --> 00:05:14,887 [laughs] oh, oh, wow. 144 00:05:14,955 --> 00:05:16,322 I mean, that's kind of a bummer too. 145 00:05:16,390 --> 00:05:20,326 Hey, while I have you here, what do you think of this? 146 00:05:20,394 --> 00:05:22,595 - Uh... - Scrotation marks. 147 00:05:22,663 --> 00:05:24,330 I don't know what you're talking about, 148 00:05:24,398 --> 00:05:25,665 But my gut says no. 149 00:05:25,732 --> 00:05:27,066 New band name. 150 00:05:27,134 --> 00:05:29,835 'cause, mouse rat, it's a great name, 151 00:05:29,903 --> 00:05:32,605 But, at the same time, it sucks. 152 00:05:32,673 --> 00:05:34,407 So I think we have to change it just one more time. 153 00:05:34,474 --> 00:05:36,776 Dude, you've got to stop doing that. 154 00:05:36,843 --> 00:05:38,344 How are people gonna become fans 155 00:05:38,412 --> 00:05:39,745 If they literally don't know the name of the band 156 00:05:39,813 --> 00:05:41,447 They're listening to? 157 00:05:41,515 --> 00:05:42,682 That is a really good point. 158 00:05:42,749 --> 00:05:45,785 I always had fun with andy. 159 00:05:45,852 --> 00:05:47,453 The problem is, when you're his girlfriend, 160 00:05:47,521 --> 00:05:50,189 You're also his mother and his maid 161 00:05:50,257 --> 00:05:51,857 And his nurse. 162 00:05:51,925 --> 00:05:53,092 He's completely helpless. 163 00:05:53,160 --> 00:05:55,861 He's like a baby in a straightjacket. 164 00:05:55,929 --> 00:05:58,764 Ooh, baby in a straightjacket. That's a good band name. 165 00:05:58,832 --> 00:06:00,866 I should tell him that. 166 00:06:00,934 --> 00:06:02,435 Ha ha, guys, really funny. 167 00:06:02,502 --> 00:06:03,636 Where's the real banner? 168 00:06:03,704 --> 00:06:04,737 We only had an hour. 169 00:06:04,805 --> 00:06:05,971 So did I. 170 00:06:06,039 --> 00:06:07,239 Look what I did. 171 00:06:07,307 --> 00:06:09,642 - Hey, guys. - Jerry! 172 00:06:09,710 --> 00:06:11,911 Welcome back. All: Hi. 173 00:06:11,978 --> 00:06:13,446 Wow. Really. My gosh. 174 00:06:13,513 --> 00:06:14,880 You should not have gone to all this trouble. 175 00:06:14,948 --> 00:06:17,049 Oh, it's no trouble for our buddy. 176 00:06:17,117 --> 00:06:19,051 Here you go. - Oh. Thank you. 177 00:06:19,119 --> 00:06:20,152 Listen. Today is jerry day. 178 00:06:20,220 --> 00:06:21,153 We'll do whatever you want to do. 179 00:06:21,221 --> 00:06:22,254 Anything at all. 180 00:06:22,322 --> 00:06:23,756 Honestly, what I would like to do 181 00:06:23,824 --> 00:06:25,958 Is just have everything go back to normal. 182 00:06:26,026 --> 00:06:27,626 - That sounds good to me. - Okay? 183 00:06:27,694 --> 00:06:29,662 I believe you were going to do a presentation? 184 00:06:29,730 --> 00:06:31,464 Yes, sir, I was. I will go set up. 185 00:06:31,531 --> 00:06:33,833 Okay. 186 00:06:33,900 --> 00:06:34,900 Remember, you guys, 187 00:06:34,968 --> 00:06:36,602 No jokes, no comments, 188 00:06:36,670 --> 00:06:38,237 Nothing but support. 189 00:06:38,305 --> 00:06:41,240 - He needs a lot of support. - Tom. 190 00:06:41,308 --> 00:06:42,842 I'm talking about a bra for a man. 191 00:06:42,909 --> 00:06:44,643 [laughter] 192 00:06:44,711 --> 00:06:47,079 Okay, seriously, that was the last one. 193 00:06:47,147 --> 00:06:51,350 So as we know, spring hunting season is upon us. 194 00:06:51,418 --> 00:06:57,089 Uh, anyway, here's the info about the new licensing system. 195 00:06:57,157 --> 00:06:59,859 Uh... - Jerry, I don't think 196 00:06:59,926 --> 00:07:01,160 Your computer's plugged in. 197 00:07:01,228 --> 00:07:03,929 I'm sorry, guys. Just gotta power up. 198 00:07:03,997 --> 00:07:06,565 First thing we should have is my graph 199 00:07:06,633 --> 00:07:08,401 About the season. What? 200 00:07:08,468 --> 00:07:09,502 Wait a minute. No. 201 00:07:09,569 --> 00:07:11,504 That is not the graph. 202 00:07:11,571 --> 00:07:13,305 That is a picture from my vacation in muncie. 203 00:07:13,373 --> 00:07:14,607 You went on a vacation, 204 00:07:14,674 --> 00:07:16,475 And you chose muncie, indiana? 205 00:07:16,543 --> 00:07:18,310 Yeah. My wife and I have a timeshare. 206 00:07:18,378 --> 00:07:20,679 - In muncie? - Tom. 207 00:07:20,747 --> 00:07:23,449 Muncie is a lovely city. 208 00:07:23,517 --> 00:07:26,285 Anyway, hunting and fishing season is winding down. 209 00:07:26,353 --> 00:07:29,555 Okay, and we all know that it is already closed season on twout. 210 00:07:29,623 --> 00:07:32,691 So now-- I said twout 211 00:07:32,759 --> 00:07:34,193 Instead of trout. 212 00:07:34,261 --> 00:07:35,694 It happens to everyone. 213 00:07:35,762 --> 00:07:37,830 My marbles are full of mouth today. 214 00:07:37,898 --> 00:07:41,200 You know what, has anybody seen my glasses? 215 00:07:41,268 --> 00:07:42,802 I don't even think I can... 216 00:07:42,869 --> 00:07:44,270 [flatulence] 217 00:07:51,711 --> 00:07:53,179 It says here 1:00 meeting. 218 00:07:53,246 --> 00:07:55,014 Who are we meeting with? Don't worry about it. 219 00:07:55,081 --> 00:07:56,515 Oh, no, please no. 220 00:07:56,583 --> 00:07:58,584 Tom, it's important to meet with the park rangers. 221 00:07:58,652 --> 00:08:00,586 They are the first line of defense. 222 00:08:00,654 --> 00:08:04,023 - [sighs] - [loud voice] leslie knope! 223 00:08:04,090 --> 00:08:06,725 - Hey, carl. - What's up, pencil pushers? 224 00:08:06,793 --> 00:08:08,260 Haverford. Good to see you, man. 225 00:08:08,328 --> 00:08:09,695 [laughs] 226 00:08:09,763 --> 00:08:11,897 Is it hot in here? I feel hot. 227 00:08:11,965 --> 00:08:14,133 Are you guys hot? How you guys doing? I'm good. 228 00:08:14,201 --> 00:08:15,668 You guys got any snacks? 229 00:08:15,735 --> 00:08:18,737 Carl is the head of all outdoor security. 230 00:08:18,805 --> 00:08:21,640 Why was he transferred from his indoor desk job, you ask. 231 00:08:21,708 --> 00:08:22,875 Listen. - It's so sweet. 232 00:08:22,943 --> 00:08:25,077 Hey, leslie, have you seen avatar? 233 00:08:25,145 --> 00:08:27,079 I never saw avatar. 234 00:08:27,147 --> 00:08:28,747 I wanted to read the book first, 235 00:08:28,815 --> 00:08:32,418 But then I realized there's no book version of avatar. 236 00:08:32,486 --> 00:08:34,320 What'd you guys do for st. Patty's day? 237 00:08:34,387 --> 00:08:37,423 I was wearing this t-shirt that said, "kiss me. I'm irish." 238 00:08:37,491 --> 00:08:38,924 But no one would kiss me. 239 00:08:41,666 --> 00:08:43,967 So you're too important for me 240 00:08:44,035 --> 00:08:45,802 Until one of your own gets attacked. 241 00:08:46,170 --> 00:08:49,172 I just feel like there's more we can do 242 00:08:49,240 --> 00:08:50,540 To keep the parks safe. 243 00:08:50,608 --> 00:08:52,942 Oh, you think you know how to do my job? 244 00:08:53,010 --> 00:08:54,210 Well, you might not be so confident 245 00:08:54,278 --> 00:08:57,614 Once you've walked a mile in my size sevens. 246 00:08:57,681 --> 00:08:59,082 Kind of small feet. 247 00:08:59,149 --> 00:09:01,384 Actually, seven is the worldwide average. 248 00:09:01,452 --> 00:09:03,686 - Boom! - Hup! 249 00:09:05,155 --> 00:09:07,323 Welcome to the emergency self-defense class. 250 00:09:07,391 --> 00:09:09,425 I'll be showing you how to escape from a variety 251 00:09:09,493 --> 00:09:10,893 Of situations 252 00:09:10,961 --> 00:09:12,929 While inflicting maximum damage 253 00:09:12,997 --> 00:09:14,297 On your attackers. 254 00:09:14,365 --> 00:09:16,132 Ron, do you think that maybe I should put mark 255 00:09:16,200 --> 00:09:17,467 In a headlock? 256 00:09:17,534 --> 00:09:20,236 That way I can show everyone how to escape a pervert. 257 00:09:20,304 --> 00:09:23,006 In the scenario you just laid out, 258 00:09:23,073 --> 00:09:24,140 You're the pervert. 259 00:09:24,208 --> 00:09:25,241 You understand that, right? 260 00:09:25,309 --> 00:09:27,543 - [scoffs] you wish. - Enough. 261 00:09:27,611 --> 00:09:29,078 I'm gonna start off simple 262 00:09:29,146 --> 00:09:33,750 And demonstrate how to extract oneself from a wrist grab. 263 00:09:33,817 --> 00:09:36,452 Andy, ann, step up here. 264 00:09:36,520 --> 00:09:38,588 I watch a lot of lifetime movies. 265 00:09:38,656 --> 00:09:41,324 There was this one, how far is too far enough: 266 00:09:41,392 --> 00:09:43,259 The teri palliber lonergan story. 267 00:09:43,327 --> 00:09:44,661 This woman had agoraphobia, 268 00:09:44,728 --> 00:09:46,229 And her therapist was obsessed with her. 269 00:09:46,297 --> 00:09:48,631 And he hid in her house, and then he attacked her 270 00:09:48,699 --> 00:09:50,333 And tried to eat her toes. 271 00:09:50,401 --> 00:09:52,935 Also, her daughter was having sex way too young. 272 00:09:53,003 --> 00:09:58,441 So yeah, free self-defense class, I'm there. 273 00:09:58,509 --> 00:10:00,043 - And just twist your weight. - [yells] 274 00:10:00,110 --> 00:10:01,444 Oh. - Very good. 275 00:10:01,512 --> 00:10:02,612 Very good. Well done. 276 00:10:02,680 --> 00:10:05,181 Oh, what's up now, mugger? 277 00:10:05,249 --> 00:10:06,683 Ann, that was awesome. That was really good. 278 00:10:08,786 --> 00:10:10,119 I don't know, leslie. 279 00:10:10,187 --> 00:10:11,788 I'd rather be back at the office. 280 00:10:11,855 --> 00:10:13,823 I know this is painful for you, jerry, 281 00:10:13,891 --> 00:10:16,759 But you have to be strong. 282 00:10:16,827 --> 00:10:19,395 You guys ready? 283 00:10:19,463 --> 00:10:21,731 Oh, boy, yeah. Okay, we're ready. 284 00:10:21,799 --> 00:10:22,999 I'm gonna show you guys 285 00:10:23,067 --> 00:10:24,967 All the problems we've been facing. 286 00:10:25,035 --> 00:10:27,503 I'm gonna show you we've been doing everything we can. 287 00:10:27,571 --> 00:10:29,505 I'm looking forward to working together, carl. 288 00:10:29,573 --> 00:10:32,041 And after that, I'm gonna show you this log I found. 289 00:10:32,109 --> 00:10:35,345 It's got, like, 50 worms on it. 290 00:10:35,412 --> 00:10:38,681 I call it worm log. 291 00:10:38,749 --> 00:10:40,917 Yeah, I've always been a bit of an outdoorsman. 292 00:10:40,984 --> 00:10:43,252 Uh, when I was a kid, my parents used to make me hang out 293 00:10:43,320 --> 00:10:45,221 In the backyard a lot and just run around 294 00:10:45,289 --> 00:10:47,023 Till I got tired. 295 00:10:47,091 --> 00:10:48,925 But if there's any criminals out there watching, 296 00:10:48,992 --> 00:10:51,694 I never get tired. 297 00:10:51,762 --> 00:10:53,930 And ladies too. 298 00:10:56,066 --> 00:10:57,433 This thing is a mess. 299 00:10:57,501 --> 00:10:59,369 We used to have three carts actually. 300 00:10:59,436 --> 00:11:02,338 The first one got pushed into the creek by some kids. 301 00:11:02,406 --> 00:11:04,741 The second one raccoons got onto. 302 00:11:04,808 --> 00:11:06,342 There was urine everywhere. 303 00:11:06,410 --> 00:11:08,511 And the third one was recently stolen. 304 00:11:08,579 --> 00:11:09,846 What's this one? 305 00:11:09,913 --> 00:11:13,549 This is the second one. The raccoon piss one. 306 00:11:13,617 --> 00:11:16,419 All right, so we're gonna just head out. 307 00:11:16,487 --> 00:11:18,721 [screeching] 308 00:11:18,789 --> 00:11:20,356 Oh, no. 309 00:11:20,424 --> 00:11:22,325 You know what, I think we got too much weight. 310 00:11:23,861 --> 00:11:25,695 Oh. That's tom probably. 311 00:11:25,763 --> 00:11:27,764 Are you serious? 312 00:11:27,831 --> 00:11:29,198 Tom, can you get off please? 313 00:11:29,266 --> 00:11:31,701 Just run alongside the cart, okay? 314 00:11:31,769 --> 00:11:32,869 Okay, here we go. 315 00:11:32,936 --> 00:11:34,370 Whoa. 316 00:11:34,438 --> 00:11:37,006 So let me tell you a little bit about the park. 317 00:11:37,074 --> 00:11:38,408 Up here on the left 318 00:11:38,475 --> 00:11:41,244 Is one of our most beautiful grass fields. 319 00:11:41,311 --> 00:11:44,180 Uh, it's primarily grass. 320 00:11:44,248 --> 00:11:45,615 All right, I'm gonna make a hard left here. 321 00:11:45,682 --> 00:11:47,784 Stick with us, tom. 322 00:11:47,851 --> 00:11:50,486 Okay. Lesson learned. 323 00:11:50,554 --> 00:11:51,587 [applause] thank you. 324 00:11:51,655 --> 00:11:56,426 Next, andy. Impressive. 325 00:11:56,493 --> 00:11:58,995 I'm going to engage andy in an attack hold, 326 00:11:59,062 --> 00:12:00,096 And he's gonna try and break free. 327 00:12:00,164 --> 00:12:01,464 Cool. 328 00:12:01,532 --> 00:12:03,099 Now I don't want to hurt you, ron. 329 00:12:03,167 --> 00:12:05,435 Don't worry about that. Just try to escape my attack. 330 00:12:05,502 --> 00:12:09,405 Now when I get out, am I allowed to counterstrike? 331 00:12:09,473 --> 00:12:12,442 Sure. When you get out, 332 00:12:12,509 --> 00:12:13,776 You may counterattack. 333 00:12:13,844 --> 00:12:16,245 But just promise me you'll be ready 334 00:12:16,313 --> 00:12:20,082 Because, I mean, I don't want to destroy you. 335 00:12:20,150 --> 00:12:21,517 Okay. 336 00:12:21,585 --> 00:12:25,655 I see where we're going with this. 337 00:12:25,722 --> 00:12:27,290 Now when your arms are pinned to your sides, 338 00:12:27,357 --> 00:12:29,091 Use your legs to break free 339 00:12:29,159 --> 00:12:31,594 Instead of your neck, which is what andy's trying to do. 340 00:12:34,031 --> 00:12:36,199 Okay, hold on. [shouts] 341 00:12:36,266 --> 00:12:37,400 Let him go. 342 00:12:41,805 --> 00:12:44,507 Andy. 343 00:12:44,575 --> 00:12:46,809 - Oh, god. - Oops. 344 00:12:46,877 --> 00:12:48,711 Any of this looking familiar? 345 00:12:48,779 --> 00:12:51,781 Yeah, it happened right over there. 346 00:12:51,849 --> 00:12:53,783 Oh, yeah, I'm not surprised. 347 00:12:53,851 --> 00:12:55,952 Take a look at this path. 348 00:12:56,019 --> 00:12:59,155 With budget cuts, we can't afford a single safety light. 349 00:12:59,223 --> 00:13:01,457 There's been ten assaults already this year. 350 00:13:01,525 --> 00:13:04,026 Wow. Really? Can't you station a park ranger 351 00:13:04,094 --> 00:13:05,461 Out here? - We have. 352 00:13:05,529 --> 00:13:06,963 [shouting] who do you think they're assaulting? 353 00:13:07,030 --> 00:13:09,332 I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell. 354 00:13:09,399 --> 00:13:10,666 One way or another, 355 00:13:10,734 --> 00:13:13,069 I'm gonna get money so you can protect jerry 356 00:13:13,136 --> 00:13:15,805 And all the other helpless, pathetic people in this town. 357 00:13:15,873 --> 00:13:18,074 [breathing heavily] 358 00:13:18,141 --> 00:13:20,476 You guys got to slow down. 359 00:13:20,544 --> 00:13:21,611 Can I just take a rest for a minute? 360 00:13:21,678 --> 00:13:23,179 No, tom. Sorry. No can do. 361 00:13:23,247 --> 00:13:24,847 Sun's going down. It's real dangerous out here. 362 00:13:24,915 --> 00:13:28,784 Let's roll, carl. Okay, going fast. 363 00:13:28,852 --> 00:13:30,853 [grumbles] 364 00:13:30,921 --> 00:13:32,488 Okay, what day is it today? 365 00:13:32,556 --> 00:13:33,990 I don't know. 366 00:13:34,057 --> 00:13:36,325 Okay, but to be fair, you never know. 367 00:13:36,393 --> 00:13:37,460 That's kind of true. 368 00:13:37,528 --> 00:13:40,997 I'm super bad at days. 369 00:13:41,064 --> 00:13:42,865 But honestly I'm fine. 370 00:13:42,933 --> 00:13:45,768 Sorry I squeezed your lights out there, son. 371 00:13:45,836 --> 00:13:48,871 No worries. Will you show me how to do that move, though? 372 00:13:48,939 --> 00:13:49,972 Sure. I can teach you right now. 373 00:13:50,040 --> 00:13:51,274 No, no, no. 374 00:13:51,341 --> 00:13:52,842 Andy, you should really just take it easy, I think. 375 00:13:52,910 --> 00:13:55,411 Do you want some more water or maybe some pancakes? 376 00:13:55,479 --> 00:13:57,580 No, no, no. I'm fine. 377 00:13:57,648 --> 00:13:58,781 Thank you though. 378 00:13:58,849 --> 00:14:00,483 What's the first move in any fight? 379 00:14:00,551 --> 00:14:02,018 Punch to the balls. 380 00:14:02,085 --> 00:14:04,954 We've all heard the old saying, 381 00:14:05,022 --> 00:14:06,956 "parks are supposed to be fun," 382 00:14:07,024 --> 00:14:09,559 But sometimes muggers have their own ideas. 383 00:14:09,626 --> 00:14:11,894 Leslie knope is with us again 384 00:14:11,962 --> 00:14:14,530 From the parks department. Leslie. 385 00:14:14,598 --> 00:14:16,566 Tell us your story. 386 00:14:16,633 --> 00:14:18,768 This is my coworker jerry gergich, 387 00:14:18,835 --> 00:14:22,538 Diabetic, sloppily out of shape, 388 00:14:22,606 --> 00:14:24,106 Friend. 389 00:14:24,174 --> 00:14:27,310 He was mugged this morning in ramsett park. 390 00:14:27,377 --> 00:14:30,613 Who's next? Your frumpy uncle? 391 00:14:30,681 --> 00:14:32,448 Your simple neighbor? 392 00:14:32,516 --> 00:14:35,384 Your unpopular coworker? 393 00:14:35,452 --> 00:14:38,387 Head of security carl lorthner is doing his best 394 00:14:38,455 --> 00:14:40,323 To keep the parks safe, but he's failing. 395 00:14:40,390 --> 00:14:42,825 So what is the solution to fix this? 396 00:14:42,893 --> 00:14:47,163 To make it right and not bad? 397 00:14:47,230 --> 00:14:49,865 We need money from city hall, 398 00:14:49,933 --> 00:14:51,133 And it's not coming through. 399 00:14:51,201 --> 00:14:53,970 And, pawnee, I am sorry to say this 400 00:14:54,037 --> 00:14:55,838 But your government is failing you. 401 00:14:55,906 --> 00:15:00,242 Up next, ten objects you didn't know you can eat. 402 00:15:00,310 --> 00:15:03,746 What possessed you to do that? 403 00:15:03,814 --> 00:15:04,880 I'm sorry, paul, 404 00:15:04,948 --> 00:15:06,816 But one of my guys got mugged in the park. 405 00:15:06,883 --> 00:15:09,418 I don't care how upset you are, 406 00:15:09,486 --> 00:15:12,588 You do not badmouth your own government on tv. 407 00:15:12,656 --> 00:15:15,358 I'm sure you'll be happy to know 408 00:15:15,425 --> 00:15:16,659 Your little stunt worked. 409 00:15:16,727 --> 00:15:19,428 The mayor's going to divert $2,500 410 00:15:19,496 --> 00:15:22,365 To the parks for security upgrades. 411 00:15:22,432 --> 00:15:24,266 There's going to be an announcement tomorrow 412 00:15:24,334 --> 00:15:27,269 At 10:00 in the press room, so make sure 413 00:15:27,337 --> 00:15:29,605 You bring the doofus that got his ass kicked. 414 00:15:29,673 --> 00:15:31,040 I don't know who you're referring to. 415 00:15:31,108 --> 00:15:32,708 We treat everyone with respect around here. 416 00:15:33,710 --> 00:15:35,945 [softly] okay. 417 00:15:36,013 --> 00:15:37,947 [clears throat] good morning. 418 00:15:38,015 --> 00:15:39,448 As many of you know, 419 00:15:39,516 --> 00:15:43,719 There was an incident involving a government employee 420 00:15:43,787 --> 00:15:45,521 In ramsett park. 421 00:15:45,589 --> 00:15:46,589 Jerry, are you nervous? 422 00:15:46,657 --> 00:15:48,958 Just talk about how hard it was for you. 423 00:15:49,026 --> 00:15:51,227 Speak from the heart. You'll be fine. 424 00:15:51,294 --> 00:15:55,031 Leslie, I wasn't mugged. 425 00:15:55,098 --> 00:15:56,432 -...Safety of our citizens. 426 00:15:56,500 --> 00:15:57,700 That's why we're here today, to give pawnee... 427 00:15:59,708 --> 00:16:00,909 Jerry, why don't you step on up here? 428 00:16:00,976 --> 00:16:04,979 No, no, I will get up here. 429 00:16:05,547 --> 00:16:07,481 I'm gonna speak for jerry. 430 00:16:07,549 --> 00:16:12,052 He can't talk right now because he has hysterical muteness. 431 00:16:12,120 --> 00:16:13,788 From trauma. - Correct. 432 00:16:13,855 --> 00:16:16,123 Jerry. 433 00:16:16,191 --> 00:16:18,025 What about this? Is this fake? 434 00:16:18,093 --> 00:16:19,527 Huh? Is this fake? - This is real. 435 00:16:19,594 --> 00:16:21,228 I really dislocated my shoulder. 436 00:16:21,296 --> 00:16:23,063 Were you even in the park yesterday? 437 00:16:23,131 --> 00:16:25,399 Look, I was on my way to feed the hummingbirds, 438 00:16:25,467 --> 00:16:28,169 And I stopped for a breakfast burrito. 439 00:16:28,236 --> 00:16:29,770 - The farting. - Yeah. 440 00:16:29,838 --> 00:16:31,906 And, lord sheldon, he lunged at a bird, 441 00:16:31,973 --> 00:16:35,309 I dropped the burrito, and it lands on a log in the creek. 442 00:16:35,377 --> 00:16:36,677 So I go to reach for it, I lose my balance, 443 00:16:36,745 --> 00:16:38,546 And I fall on my shoulder really weird. 444 00:16:38,613 --> 00:16:40,548 Well, why didn't you just tell everybody the truth? 445 00:16:40,615 --> 00:16:41,649 Are you kidding me? 446 00:16:41,716 --> 00:16:45,052 Imagine what tom would have said. 447 00:16:45,120 --> 00:16:48,055 [as tom] damn, jerry, you jumped in a creek for a burrito? 448 00:16:48,123 --> 00:16:49,590 What would you do for a klondike bar? 449 00:16:49,658 --> 00:16:51,258 Kill your wife? 450 00:16:51,326 --> 00:16:54,662 Block the opponent's punch and counterpunch to the jaw. 451 00:16:54,729 --> 00:16:57,431 Whooh. Shoeshine? 452 00:16:57,499 --> 00:16:59,266 - Hey. - Oh, hey. 453 00:16:59,334 --> 00:17:01,335 Ann perkins in the shoe shouse. 454 00:17:01,403 --> 00:17:03,170 [laughs] 455 00:17:03,238 --> 00:17:04,305 I wanted to check in. 456 00:17:04,372 --> 00:17:05,439 I brought some stuff from the hospital-- 457 00:17:05,507 --> 00:17:08,509 Water, compress, aspirin, some lollipops. 458 00:17:08,577 --> 00:17:09,577 I know you love those. 459 00:17:09,644 --> 00:17:10,811 You know, hey, thank you, 460 00:17:10,879 --> 00:17:12,379 But I'm really-- I'm feeling great. 461 00:17:12,447 --> 00:17:13,547 I took a couple of aspirin 462 00:17:13,615 --> 00:17:14,815 And slept right through the night 463 00:17:14,883 --> 00:17:15,883 And-- hold on a second. 464 00:17:15,951 --> 00:17:18,185 Uh, ludgate! What the hell? 465 00:17:18,253 --> 00:17:20,221 I got you one of those veggie muffins 466 00:17:20,288 --> 00:17:21,388 That you're always eating. - Score. 467 00:17:21,456 --> 00:17:23,357 Yeah. Tastes like a rug. 468 00:17:23,425 --> 00:17:25,192 Shut up. 469 00:17:25,260 --> 00:17:27,094 [protests indistinctly] anyhow. 470 00:17:27,162 --> 00:17:28,929 Good, well, I'm glad you're feeling better. 471 00:17:28,997 --> 00:17:30,231 I am. Thank you for that. 472 00:17:30,298 --> 00:17:32,533 That's so cool. 473 00:17:32,601 --> 00:17:34,001 Since when did he start doing stuff 474 00:17:34,069 --> 00:17:35,803 For other people? 475 00:17:35,871 --> 00:17:39,540 Now I actually am worried that something happened to his brain. 476 00:17:39,608 --> 00:17:42,610 People change, I guess. 477 00:17:42,677 --> 00:17:45,379 Wouldn't you rather the money go to keeping the parks safe? 478 00:17:45,447 --> 00:17:47,915 Yes, but now we have the money under false pretences. 479 00:17:47,983 --> 00:17:50,384 I actually think that you have a bigger problem than the money. 480 00:17:50,452 --> 00:17:52,086 What? 481 00:17:52,153 --> 00:17:54,188 There is someone in your department who is willing to lie 482 00:17:54,256 --> 00:17:57,057 About being mugged because he's afraid of his coworkers. 483 00:17:57,125 --> 00:17:58,759 [cell phone rings] 484 00:17:58,827 --> 00:18:01,695 Knope. Yup. 485 00:18:01,763 --> 00:18:02,830 No! 486 00:18:05,233 --> 00:18:06,901 Carl, what are you doing here? 487 00:18:06,968 --> 00:18:08,569 Oh, leslie. 488 00:18:08,637 --> 00:18:11,038 Well, since you decided to drag my name 489 00:18:11,106 --> 00:18:13,641 Through the mud on tv, I figured why not return the favor? 490 00:18:13,708 --> 00:18:15,376 Carl, could you quietly quiet down 491 00:18:15,443 --> 00:18:18,412 For a second and please tell me what's going on quietly? 492 00:18:18,480 --> 00:18:21,282 Okay? In a quiet voice. 493 00:18:21,349 --> 00:18:23,217 [loud as usual] a citizen handed in 494 00:18:23,285 --> 00:18:25,486 A very interesting home video that I think 495 00:18:25,554 --> 00:18:28,622 The people of pawnee will find very interesting. 496 00:18:28,690 --> 00:18:31,191 Take a peek at this. 497 00:18:31,259 --> 00:18:33,360 [flatulence] 498 00:18:33,428 --> 00:18:37,164 Keep your eyes on the creek. 499 00:18:37,232 --> 00:18:38,933 There he is. 500 00:18:39,000 --> 00:18:40,801 Oh, this is my favorite part. 501 00:18:40,869 --> 00:18:44,004 Not willing to share with a dog. 502 00:18:44,072 --> 00:18:46,073 So it would appear that park security 503 00:18:46,141 --> 00:18:47,841 Was not to blame after all. 504 00:18:47,909 --> 00:18:51,211 Okay, look, I have a proposition for you. 505 00:18:51,279 --> 00:18:54,014 Fine. I'll have sex with you in exchange for the tape. 506 00:18:54,082 --> 00:18:56,951 That's not what I'm saying! Okay? 507 00:18:57,018 --> 00:19:00,788 Just listen to what I have to say. 508 00:19:00,855 --> 00:19:04,558 The ramsett park mugging story continues 509 00:19:04,626 --> 00:19:06,493 With a shiny new twist. 510 00:19:06,561 --> 00:19:10,631 Ranger carl lorthner is here today. 511 00:19:10,699 --> 00:19:14,568 Now I understand that you have a bombshell 512 00:19:14,636 --> 00:19:18,172 To drop that you are just sitting on. 513 00:19:18,239 --> 00:19:20,140 Yes, that's correct. 514 00:19:20,208 --> 00:19:21,976 I came on today because I have 515 00:19:22,043 --> 00:19:24,211 Some very important information to share. 516 00:19:24,279 --> 00:19:26,814 I finally saw avatar, 517 00:19:26,881 --> 00:19:29,350 And I thought it lived up to the hype. 518 00:19:29,417 --> 00:19:32,486 Wow, I'm not sure what that has to do with the mugging. 519 00:19:32,554 --> 00:19:34,121 [laughs] 520 00:19:34,189 --> 00:19:36,523 Um, leslie, counterpoint. 521 00:19:36,591 --> 00:19:37,992 I disagree with carl. 522 00:19:38,059 --> 00:19:41,161 - Okay. - I have seen avatar as well. 523 00:19:41,229 --> 00:19:43,497 And I think it exceeded the hype. 524 00:19:43,565 --> 00:19:46,500 - What? - Oh, boy. 525 00:19:46,568 --> 00:19:48,936 We... - Disagreement. 526 00:19:49,004 --> 00:19:51,572 [sighs] well, things are really heating up in here. 527 00:19:51,640 --> 00:19:52,606 Aren't they? 528 00:19:52,674 --> 00:19:54,541 We should probably take some calls. 529 00:19:54,609 --> 00:19:57,911 That segment was a disaster! 530 00:19:57,979 --> 00:19:59,780 Don't you ever [bleep] me like that again. 531 00:19:59,848 --> 00:20:02,116 This is pawnee [bleep] today. 532 00:20:02,183 --> 00:20:03,684 Do you know that I bumped a cat 533 00:20:03,752 --> 00:20:06,120 That can stand up on its hinders for you? 534 00:20:06,187 --> 00:20:08,455 You disgust me, knope. Get out of my sight. 535 00:20:08,523 --> 00:20:10,891 - Yes, ma'am. - Go. 536 00:20:10,959 --> 00:20:12,960 Go. No, no, no. 537 00:20:13,028 --> 00:20:14,695 Don't make me chase you. 538 00:20:14,763 --> 00:20:15,963 You want to go eat something. 539 00:20:16,031 --> 00:20:17,631 [softly] okay. 540 00:20:17,699 --> 00:20:19,299 I am part of a great team. 541 00:20:19,367 --> 00:20:23,737 And sometimes the best way to maintain a strong team 542 00:20:23,805 --> 00:20:25,873 Is just by letting someone know that he is still a part of it. 543 00:20:25,940 --> 00:20:28,208 Okay. This is the only copy. 544 00:20:28,276 --> 00:20:31,679 And I am going to destroy it. 545 00:20:31,746 --> 00:20:34,882 Right after I watch it one more time. 546 00:20:34,949 --> 00:20:38,352 I'm sorry, but it is so good. 547 00:20:39,910 --> 00:20:40,876 - Hey, jerry. - Mm-hmm. 548 00:20:41,544 --> 00:20:42,978 I got you a peppermint latte. 549 00:20:43,045 --> 00:20:45,480 Seriously? 550 00:20:45,548 --> 00:20:47,315 My goodness. I love a pepp-- 551 00:20:47,383 --> 00:20:48,984 I know. 552 00:20:49,051 --> 00:20:52,788 Ah, jeez. Go ahead. 553 00:20:52,855 --> 00:20:55,223 We should just directly apply the food to your clothes. 554 00:20:55,291 --> 00:20:57,559 [laughter] - yay! 555 00:20:57,627 --> 00:21:00,295 Making fun of jerry's back. 556 00:21:00,363 --> 00:21:01,897 They can laugh at me all they want. 557 00:21:01,964 --> 00:21:04,432 Because two more years until I retire 558 00:21:04,500 --> 00:21:06,201 With full benefits and pension. 559 00:21:06,269 --> 00:21:07,636 And my wife and I, we have bought 560 00:21:07,703 --> 00:21:08,904 A little cottage on a lake. 561 00:21:08,971 --> 00:21:10,238 And I am going to get myself 562 00:21:10,306 --> 00:21:13,208 A stack of mystery novels, a box of cigars, 563 00:21:13,276 --> 00:21:16,812 And I am going to sit back and enjoy my life. 564 00:21:16,879 --> 00:21:19,915 Hey, jerry, April was just double-checking the lunch order. 565 00:21:19,982 --> 00:21:22,150 Do you want the salmon or the twout? 566 00:21:22,218 --> 00:21:23,086 Twout! Both: Twout! Twout! Twout! 567 00:21:23,087 --> 00:21:26,087 Sync by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com 40983

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