Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,084 --> 00:00:02,835
... And to my wife, I apologize.
2
00:00:03,276 --> 00:00:06,457
All I can say is,
I wasn't just having sex.
3
00:00:07,062 --> 00:00:09,634
I was making love
to a beautiful woman...
4
00:00:10,928 --> 00:00:12,176
{pos(192,210)}and her boyfriend,
5
00:00:12,301 --> 00:00:15,097
{pos(192,210)}and a third person
whose name I never learned.
6
00:00:15,526 --> 00:00:18,076
Furthermore,
it was wrong of me to say
7
00:00:18,201 --> 00:00:20,679
I was building houses
for the underprivileged
8
00:00:20,804 --> 00:00:23,182
when I was actually
having four-way sex
9
00:00:23,307 --> 00:00:25,270
in a cave in Brazil.
10
00:00:25,537 --> 00:00:27,610
I bet cave sex is in-sane.
11
00:00:27,779 --> 00:00:30,246
- Why?
- {because of }The echoes and the humidity.
12
00:00:31,490 --> 00:00:34,467
... In my defense,
it was my birthday,
13
00:00:35,212 --> 00:00:37,119
and I really wanted to do it.
14
00:00:37,445 --> 00:00:38,954
I think it's a real shame
15
00:00:39,122 --> 00:00:42,035
when people focus
on the tawdry details of a scandal.
16
00:00:42,460 --> 00:00:46,284
Personally, all I care about
is councilman Dexhart's policies,
17
00:00:46,409 --> 00:00:48,963
not whether he was high
on nitrous and cocaine
18
00:00:49,347 --> 00:00:50,849
during the cave sex...
19
00:00:50,974 --> 00:00:52,802
which, by the way, I heard he was.
20
00:00:53,290 --> 00:00:55,377
... One more shocking revelation
in a story
21
00:00:55,502 --> 00:00:57,223
that just won't stop unfolding.
22
00:00:57,392 --> 00:01:00,518
It turns out councilman Dexhart
may have also had sex
23
00:01:00,686 --> 00:01:02,824
with a prostitute in the limousine
24
00:01:02,949 --> 00:01:06,249
on the way to and from
the press conference
25
00:01:06,374 --> 00:01:08,931
where he apologized
for having an affair.
26
00:01:09,641 --> 00:01:11,774
Why does anybody want to run
for public office?
27
00:01:11,899 --> 00:01:14,532
You're just asking to have
your entire life exposed.
28
00:01:14,806 --> 00:01:17,997
Well, if you're squeaky clean,
like I am, there's no problem.
29
00:01:18,537 --> 00:01:20,537
You're married, and you hit
on women constantly.
30
00:01:20,840 --> 00:01:23,424
Yeah, but I've never
sealed the deal.
31
00:01:23,850 --> 00:01:25,304
Just window shopping.
32
00:01:25,568 --> 00:01:27,772
You can fly to Brazil,
just don't enter the cave.{ Am I right?}
33
00:01:27,897 --> 00:01:28,897
Up top.
34
00:01:33,729 --> 00:01:35,368
.:: La Fabrique ::.
35
00:01:35,821 --> 00:01:38,153
{pos(260,270}Episode 204
Practice Date
36
00:01:52,265 --> 00:01:53,863
{I'm sure that }You think that you're clean,
37
00:01:54,031 --> 00:01:56,101
{pos(110,260)}but I bet that we could find
something on you.
38
00:01:56,226 --> 00:01:58,893
{pos(110,260)}I changed my name, which is legal,
and once in high school,
39
00:01:59,018 --> 00:02:01,328
a girl beat me in a wrestling match.
That's it.
40
00:02:01,864 --> 00:02:04,039
{pos(110,260)}I bet anything I can find
worse stuff on all you.
41
00:02:04,209 --> 00:02:06,109
{pos(110,260)}Are you suggesting a game?
42
00:02:06,711 --> 00:02:08,210
{pos(110,260)}- I'm in.
- I'm in.
43
00:02:08,378 --> 00:02:10,838
{pos(110,260)}- I'm out.
- Not an option, Jerry.
44
00:02:11,080 --> 00:02:13,841
- You're going down.
- Seriously, I don't want to play.
45
00:02:14,010 --> 00:02:16,515
{pos(110,260)}No, seriously, you are playing.
We're gonna nail you.
46
00:02:17,284 --> 00:02:18,470
I will play, too.
47
00:02:18,721 --> 00:02:21,351
{pos(110,260)}If only to prove
that I can find more dirt on you
48
00:02:21,476 --> 00:02:22,767
{pos(110,260)}than you can on me.
49
00:02:23,163 --> 00:02:24,834
{pos(110,260)}That's why we're all playing.
50
00:02:25,728 --> 00:02:27,354
{pos(110,260)}Your desk is over there.
51
00:02:27,543 --> 00:02:29,815
{pos(110,260)}I love games that turn people
against each other.
52
00:02:30,300 --> 00:02:33,547
{pos(192,220)}You will never believe
what I just found on Jerry's Facebook.
53
00:02:33,672 --> 00:02:34,748
A friend.
54
00:02:34,873 --> 00:02:35,895
Burn.
55
00:02:36,283 --> 00:02:38,739
{pos(110,260)}Okay, again,
I'd really rather not play.
56
00:02:39,117 --> 00:02:40,594
Hey, guys, what are you doing?
57
00:02:40,719 --> 00:02:42,538
{pos(110,260)}Trying to see who has
the least{ amount of} dirt on them
58
00:02:42,663 --> 00:02:44,617
{pos(110,260)}in case someone wants
to run for office.
59
00:02:44,998 --> 00:02:47,125
Well, it ain't Jerry,
that's for sure.
60
00:02:47,277 --> 00:02:50,252
He's got a couple of 3-5-9s on him.
Public urination.
61
00:02:50,780 --> 00:02:52,282
I don't like this game.
62
00:02:52,407 --> 00:02:53,857
Just don't like it.
63
00:02:56,370 --> 00:02:58,552
He's probably gonna go
anger pee in the courtyard.
64
00:03:01,074 --> 00:03:02,844
You crazy park people,
65
00:03:03,412 --> 00:03:04,610
I'm out of here.
66
00:03:04,965 --> 00:03:06,537
Leslie, I'll see you tomorrow.
67
00:03:06,662 --> 00:03:10,272
Tomorrow will be
our first official... first date.
68
00:03:10,583 --> 00:03:13,071
- Roger that.
- Copy. Over and out.
69
00:03:14,211 --> 00:03:16,612
Dave and I are going
on our first date tomorrow.
70
00:03:17,404 --> 00:03:19,339
I'm not nervous.
Why should I be nervous?
71
00:03:19,464 --> 00:03:21,715
We're just two people
going on a first date.
72
00:03:21,840 --> 00:03:23,717
There's nothing to be nervous about.
73
00:03:30,098 --> 00:03:31,498
That was my phone.
74
00:03:34,293 --> 00:03:36,230
What are you...
what are you doing here?
75
00:03:36,355 --> 00:03:39,051
Just having lunch with Leslie.
What are you up to?
76
00:03:39,355 --> 00:03:43,183
I'm looking for scandalous information
about my co-workers
77
00:03:43,722 --> 00:03:45,349
for a game that we're playing.
78
00:03:46,323 --> 00:03:48,018
My taxes pay your salary, right?
79
00:03:49,980 --> 00:03:50,883
Cool.
80
00:03:55,728 --> 00:03:57,069
And he looked up at me,
81
00:03:57,238 --> 00:03:59,068
and he said,
82
00:03:59,193 --> 00:04:00,865
"Thank you. You saved my life".
83
00:04:02,515 --> 00:04:05,113
Hey, listen, I'm really nervous
about this date tomorrow night.
84
00:04:05,238 --> 00:04:07,580
Do you have, like, a first date
outfit I could borrow?
85
00:04:07,748 --> 00:04:10,431
Like, I don't know,
pair of cargo pants.
86
00:04:10,556 --> 00:04:12,251
I wouldn't go with a cargo pant.
87
00:04:12,431 --> 00:04:14,059
What about, like, a sexy hat?
88
00:04:14,337 --> 00:04:16,819
- I don't know what that even is.
- Helping already.
89
00:04:17,064 --> 00:04:18,890
Do you want to come by
after work today?
90
00:04:19,015 --> 00:04:20,467
Sure, yeah. Tonight?
91
00:04:21,112 --> 00:04:22,618
Several hours from now?
92
00:04:26,460 --> 00:04:28,642
Or you could just come over now?
93
00:04:28,810 --> 00:04:30,603
I think that would better.
{That would give us more time.}Let's go.
94
00:04:35,973 --> 00:04:37,401
What you doing, guys?
95
00:04:37,570 --> 00:04:39,183
Looking for dirt on me?
96
00:04:39,473 --> 00:04:40,473
No point.
97
00:04:40,723 --> 00:04:41,905
Give up now.
98
00:04:42,351 --> 00:04:44,496
Oh, wait, there is this.
99
00:04:45,731 --> 00:04:46,731
Everybody,
100
00:04:47,508 --> 00:04:49,371
I bought a croissan'wich
this morning.
101
00:04:49,860 --> 00:04:52,419
This isn't even a real receipt,
just a scrap of paper.
102
00:04:52,987 --> 00:04:54,268
Taliban robes!
103
00:04:54,522 --> 00:04:56,864
What? Where'd you get
that photo from?
104
00:04:58,864 --> 00:05:00,611
Nice taliban robes.
105
00:05:01,051 --> 00:05:03,461
Those aren't taliban robes.
That's from Halloween{ ten years ago}.
106
00:05:03,586 --> 00:05:04,873
I was dressed like a jedi.
107
00:05:04,998 --> 00:05:07,861
I'm sure that the voters
would be able to tell the difference.
108
00:05:08,074 --> 00:05:10,151
Looks to me
like you're in the taliban.
109
00:05:10,519 --> 00:05:13,062
Did everybody know
that Ron's ex-wife Tammy
110
00:05:13,231 --> 00:05:15,688
is actually his second ex-wife
named Tammy?
111
00:05:15,946 --> 00:05:18,923
That's right.
Ron has two ex-wives,
112
00:05:19,048 --> 00:05:21,178
each named Tammy.
113
00:05:22,699 --> 00:05:24,349
Both of them bitches.
114
00:05:24,951 --> 00:05:27,822
Yes, my mom's name is Tammy.
115
00:05:30,581 --> 00:05:31,898
What's your point?
116
00:05:32,125 --> 00:05:34,459
Tom! That was a jaeger-secret.
117
00:05:35,336 --> 00:05:37,325
You just breached a jaeger-secret.
118
00:05:38,214 --> 00:05:40,589
Damn!
This just heated up quick.
119
00:05:43,344 --> 00:05:44,927
- That looks great.
- Yeah?
120
00:05:45,095 --> 00:05:47,538
Will you be wearing it
out of the store today, madame?
121
00:05:47,663 --> 00:05:49,823
I think I will, good lady.
122
00:05:52,102 --> 00:05:54,227
- {While I have you, }Can I ask you a question?
- Shoot.
123
00:05:54,417 --> 00:05:55,602
{What if he asks me}if I've been married?
124
00:05:55,773 --> 00:05:57,105
- Have you?
- No.
125
00:05:57,230 --> 00:06:00,004
- Then say that.
- But he'll wonder why I haven't been{ married}.
126
00:06:00,129 --> 00:06:02,049
You know what{ I'm gonna do}?
I'm gonna say that I was married,
127
00:06:02,174 --> 00:06:04,177
but the{ real} question is,
should I say that I have kids?
128
00:06:04,302 --> 00:06:06,233
Guy like girls
that have kids, right?
129
00:06:06,700 --> 00:06:08,868
What if I get drunk
and I talk about Darfur too much?
130
00:06:08,993 --> 00:06:10,994
Or not enough?{ What if I don't bring up darfur enough?}
131
00:06:11,242 --> 00:06:12,370
Leslie, relax.
132
00:06:15,115 --> 00:06:18,877
I have a few more questions for you.
"What if he shows up with another woman?
133
00:06:19,133 --> 00:06:21,045
"What if one of my sleeves
catches on fire
134
00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:22,690
"and it spreads rapidly?
135
00:06:22,815 --> 00:06:25,941
"What if, instead of tic tacs,
I accidentally pop a couple of ambien,
136
00:06:26,066 --> 00:06:28,070
and I have to keep punching
my leg to stay awake?"
137
00:06:28,195 --> 00:06:30,074
Those are all insane hypotheticals,
138
00:06:30,199 --> 00:06:32,141
and I promise you they won't happen.
139
00:06:33,297 --> 00:06:34,690
They have happened.
140
00:06:35,665 --> 00:06:37,511
All of these have happened to me.
141
00:06:38,129 --> 00:06:39,271
No, there's more.
142
00:06:39,396 --> 00:06:42,433
One time, I accidentally drank
an entire bottle of vinegar.
143
00:06:42,558 --> 00:06:43,944
I thought it was terrible wine.
144
00:06:44,113 --> 00:06:47,484
Once, I went out with a guy
who wore 3-d glasses the entire evening.
145
00:06:47,832 --> 00:06:50,658
One time, I rode in a sidecar
on a guy's motorcycle,
146
00:06:50,783 --> 00:06:53,487
and the sidecar detached
and went down a flight of stairs.
147
00:06:53,955 --> 00:06:56,740
Another time, I went to a really
boring movie with a guy,
148
00:06:56,865 --> 00:06:59,714
and while I was asleep,
he tried to pull out one of my teeth.
149
00:07:00,431 --> 00:07:02,704
I literally woke up
with his hand in my mouth.
150
00:07:03,349 --> 00:07:05,466
We went out{ a couple times} after that,
but then he got weird.
151
00:07:05,711 --> 00:07:07,361
I know it sounds crazy.
152
00:07:07,552 --> 00:07:10,888
I'm a grown woman,
but I'm just not good on first dates.
153
00:07:12,722 --> 00:07:15,324
You have a problem,
and this is how we're gonna fix it.
154
00:07:15,449 --> 00:07:17,358
I know what you're thinking.
I wear an earpiece,
155
00:07:17,483 --> 00:07:20,028
you sit at a table nearby,
you speak into a mike,
156
00:07:20,153 --> 00:07:22,841
you tell me what to say on the date,
but let me tell you{ something, Ann}, it never works.
157
00:07:23,443 --> 00:07:26,409
We are gonna go to a restaurant
and have a practice date.
158
00:07:26,534 --> 00:07:29,072
I will pretend to be Dave,
and you will practice on me.
159
00:07:29,830 --> 00:07:31,075
That's a way better idea.
160
00:07:33,754 --> 00:07:35,606
Hey, Dave, it's me.
It's Leslie.
161
00:07:35,790 --> 00:07:39,124
Hi, Leslie, it's good to see you.
You don't want to do that quite yet.
162
00:07:41,658 --> 00:07:43,295
Let's begin our conversation.
163
00:07:45,613 --> 00:07:47,463
What's on the note cards?
164
00:07:47,588 --> 00:07:49,411
They're possible topics
of conversation.
165
00:07:49,553 --> 00:07:52,536
Whales, parades, electricity...
166
00:07:53,834 --> 00:07:56,391
- And the rest are blank.
- I couldn't think of anything else.
167
00:07:56,744 --> 00:07:58,746
Leslie's in worse shape
than I thought.
168
00:08:03,125 --> 00:08:04,875
Is she practice laughing?
169
00:08:11,242 --> 00:08:13,570
The Danish call it
oppe og nede apparat,
170
00:08:13,695 --> 00:08:15,660
which literally translated means
171
00:08:15,830 --> 00:08:17,386
"the up and down machine".
172
00:08:18,456 --> 00:08:20,761
That's a thorough history
of the teeter-totter.
173
00:08:20,887 --> 00:08:24,303
{pos(192,240)}Now I'm gonna talk about the local flora
and fauna found in Pawnee.
174
00:08:24,454 --> 00:08:26,782
{pos(192,240)}You know what?
Just ask me a question.
175
00:08:26,907 --> 00:08:28,757
{pos(192,240)}- Just try to get to know me.
- Okay.
176
00:08:31,663 --> 00:08:34,555
{pos(192,240)}I can't think of anything to ask you.
I'm sorry. My mind is blank.
177
00:08:34,723 --> 00:08:36,556
{pos(192,240)}Ask me the first thing
that comes to you{r head}.
178
00:08:36,725 --> 00:08:37,925
How big is it?
179
00:08:39,887 --> 00:08:41,577
- Really?
- Oh, my God.
180
00:08:44,393 --> 00:08:45,280
You ready?
181
00:08:45,405 --> 00:08:48,005
Yes, I am.
Just give me one second.
182
00:08:48,537 --> 00:08:50,756
Donna, let me ask you something.
183
00:08:51,352 --> 00:08:52,663
Do you hate black people?
184
00:08:52,788 --> 00:08:53,788
Excuse me?
185
00:08:53,913 --> 00:08:55,826
'Cause apparently in 1988,
186
00:08:56,166 --> 00:08:57,352
you donated money
187
00:08:57,477 --> 00:08:59,605
to the presidential campaign for...
188
00:08:59,730 --> 00:09:00,978
David Duke!
189
00:09:01,103 --> 00:09:02,106
The KKK guy?
190
00:09:02,231 --> 00:09:05,127
I got a phone call.
They said he would lower taxes.
191
00:09:06,435 --> 00:09:07,921
How's it feel to lose so hard?
192
00:09:08,921 --> 00:09:10,883
I'm sorry, honey.
Let's get coffee.
193
00:09:11,055 --> 00:09:13,699
Re-Ron, you remember
my wife, wendy Haverford.
194
00:09:13,824 --> 00:09:15,596
Of course.
How are things at the hospital?
195
00:09:15,893 --> 00:09:17,807
Very good, thank you.
196
00:09:17,932 --> 00:09:20,309
I just got a pediatric
surgery fellowship.
197
00:09:20,498 --> 00:09:21,375
Nice.
198
00:09:21,500 --> 00:09:23,499
We're celebrating,
'cause she's super rich
199
00:09:23,688 --> 00:09:25,448
and super hot also.
200
00:09:25,573 --> 00:09:28,441
- Okay, come on, Tommy. Cut it out.
- You're super hot.
201
00:09:28,631 --> 00:09:31,900
Everybody else has to deal with it.
Let's get out of here. See you later.
202
00:09:34,187 --> 00:09:36,818
I've established
a scientifically perfect
203
00:09:36,943 --> 00:09:39,035
ten-point scale of human beauty.
204
00:09:39,205 --> 00:09:41,079
Wendy is a 7.4,
205
00:09:41,204 --> 00:09:43,459
which is way too high for Tom,
206
00:09:43,584 --> 00:09:45,694
who is a 3.8.
207
00:09:46,210 --> 00:09:48,810
Ten is tennis legend Steffi Graf.
208
00:09:53,153 --> 00:09:56,220
You're late, and I can see your nipples
through your dress.
209
00:09:56,388 --> 00:09:57,930
What? No. Really?
210
00:09:58,098 --> 00:10:01,099
In nursing school, we took
a psych course on how to treat phobias
211
00:10:01,224 --> 00:10:03,604
with a method called
exposure therapy.
212
00:10:03,729 --> 00:10:07,417
So like if you were afraid of snakes,
they'd immerse you in a tank of snakes,
213
00:10:07,542 --> 00:10:11,546
so I am going to immerse Leslie
in a tank of bad date.
214
00:10:12,112 --> 00:10:14,181
You're 20 minutes late.
I almost left.
215
00:10:14,739 --> 00:10:15,957
I was...
216
00:10:17,174 --> 00:10:18,492
dropping my niece off.
217
00:10:18,660 --> 00:10:21,868
- What's your niece's name?
- Torple. What? I don't know.
218
00:10:22,757 --> 00:10:23,872
That's not a name.
219
00:10:24,092 --> 00:10:25,416
I don't have a niece.
220
00:10:26,185 --> 00:10:28,460
- My niece's name is Stephanie?
- Stop lying!
221
00:10:28,628 --> 00:10:30,486
Look, there's bread!
You want some...
222
00:10:31,089 --> 00:10:33,882
I got flowers in your soup.
I'm so sorry...
223
00:10:34,192 --> 00:10:36,792
Just... I have to go to the...
224
00:10:37,385 --> 00:10:39,321
whizz palace.
You know, Dave, the...
225
00:10:39,446 --> 00:10:40,888
the place where you...
226
00:10:41,013 --> 00:10:42,863
you know, the toilet thing.
227
00:10:46,734 --> 00:10:48,034
It's a bathroom!
228
00:10:48,159 --> 00:10:49,648
It's called a bathroom!
229
00:10:55,014 --> 00:10:56,465
A little birdy told me
230
00:10:56,590 --> 00:10:59,516
that you have
one unpaid parking ticket.
231
00:10:59,700 --> 00:11:01,531
That's funny,
because a little birdy told me
232
00:11:01,656 --> 00:11:05,018
that your adoptive mother
was arrested for marijuana possession.
233
00:11:05,659 --> 00:11:06,872
Snap!
234
00:11:07,212 --> 00:11:09,087
- What?
- You didn't know that, huh?
235
00:11:11,728 --> 00:11:13,461
I didn't know I was adopted.
236
00:11:18,720 --> 00:11:21,342
- I'm so sorry.
- I really didn't want to play.
237
00:11:23,873 --> 00:11:25,992
- That was not my intention.
- It's not your fault.
238
00:11:26,117 --> 00:11:28,687
He totally baited you
with that unpaid parking ticket.
239
00:11:29,308 --> 00:11:31,908
Tom, could you come into my office?
240
00:11:33,122 --> 00:11:34,568
Tom-mato sauce.
241
00:11:35,188 --> 00:11:36,468
Ron-tanamo bay.
242
00:11:36,946 --> 00:11:38,196
Do be seated,
243
00:11:38,972 --> 00:11:41,074
and congratulate me.
244
00:11:41,792 --> 00:11:43,702
- For what?
- Winning the game.
245
00:11:44,136 --> 00:11:47,137
I just found out, through some pretty
impressive investigating,
246
00:11:47,262 --> 00:11:49,532
that your wedding was a sham.
247
00:11:49,944 --> 00:11:52,034
- It's a green card marriage.
- That's crazy.
248
00:11:52,159 --> 00:11:54,645
I was born in south Carolina.
These colors don't run, baby.
249
00:11:54,770 --> 00:11:57,147
Yes, but Wendy was born in Ottawa...
250
00:11:57,272 --> 00:11:58,175
Canada!
251
00:11:59,019 --> 00:12:01,901
Her visa was set to expire
the day after you got married
252
00:12:02,026 --> 00:12:06,030
at the county courthouse
in front of 3 strangers and no family.
253
00:12:08,365 --> 00:12:11,271
We met in college.
She wanted to work in the states.
254
00:12:11,439 --> 00:12:12,981
She couldn't get a permit.
255
00:12:13,990 --> 00:12:16,443
I knew it. I knew you couldn't
get a wife as hot as her.
256
00:12:16,851 --> 00:12:19,452
Seriously, Ron, games aside,
you got to keep this between us.
257
00:12:19,577 --> 00:12:22,491
- Don't tell anybody, please.
- Come on{, Don't worry}. I'm not gonna turn you in.
258
00:12:23,044 --> 00:12:25,672
Just admit that when it comes
to digging up dirt,
259
00:12:25,797 --> 00:12:27,239
I bested you in this game.
260
00:12:27,364 --> 00:12:31,192
- Say it. Say "I bested you."
- Fine, you bested me. Is that all?
261
00:12:33,631 --> 00:12:35,962
- I'll have your wife tonight.
- What?
262
00:12:37,238 --> 00:12:38,490
I'm just kidding.
263
00:12:38,615 --> 00:12:39,673
Get out of here.
264
00:12:40,400 --> 00:12:41,759
Why would you say that?
265
00:12:42,000 --> 00:12:44,471
That dog was like my
best friend, and when she died...
266
00:12:46,379 --> 00:12:47,516
Hey, Tiffany.
267
00:12:47,943 --> 00:12:50,018
Yeah, I definitely
want to see you tonight.
268
00:12:51,042 --> 00:12:53,855
No, I can't really talk right now,
'cause I'm a date with this drip.
269
00:12:54,955 --> 00:12:55,933
I can ask.
270
00:12:56,058 --> 00:12:58,527
Do you want to watch
a porno after this with me and my wife?
271
00:12:59,016 --> 00:13:01,863
No, Dave, 'cause you're disgusting.
272
00:13:04,022 --> 00:13:06,901
- So it's definitely a no?
- {I don't understand }Why you're being so terrible?
273
00:13:07,245 --> 00:13:10,340
We're 2 people trying to go on a date.
It's supposed to be fun. It's{ just} a date.
274
00:13:10,465 --> 00:13:11,852
You're right, it is.
275
00:13:11,977 --> 00:13:12,958
Well done.
276
00:13:13,337 --> 00:13:14,795
{Sorry }I had to get all medical on you,
277
00:13:14,920 --> 00:13:17,348
but now you see
that even if everything goes wrong,
278
00:13:17,473 --> 00:13:18,629
you'll survive.
279
00:13:23,206 --> 00:13:24,486
You coy bastard.
280
00:13:30,473 --> 00:13:31,810
You hate Ron, right?
281
00:13:32,425 --> 00:13:35,230
- No, I think Ron is fine.
- So we're on the same page.
282
00:13:35,738 --> 00:13:38,275
You got to help me take him down.
There's got to be something on him.
283
00:13:38,615 --> 00:13:41,205
I'm starting to feel
kind of gross about this game.
284
00:13:41,425 --> 00:13:44,055
It's not about the game anymore.
Ron has some serious dirt on me.
285
00:13:44,180 --> 00:13:46,622
I need to balance things out.
You must know how that feels.
286
00:13:46,747 --> 00:13:49,327
You got tons of dirt in your past.
Please, you gotta help me.
287
00:13:52,258 --> 00:13:54,602
There is a man named Duke Silver.
288
00:13:55,307 --> 00:13:57,294
He hangs out at a bar in eagleton.
289
00:13:58,073 --> 00:13:59,753
He's an old friend of Ron's.
290
00:13:59,923 --> 00:14:02,381
- Maybe you should ask him.
- Thanks, man.
291
00:14:02,577 --> 00:14:04,262
I'm gonna dig up so much dirt{ on this guy},
292
00:14:04,387 --> 00:14:06,987
there's gonna be worms
all over the place.
293
00:14:09,099 --> 00:14:10,849
It sounded snappier in my head.
294
00:14:11,581 --> 00:14:12,976
Ann is so awesome.
295
00:14:13,208 --> 00:14:15,298
I'm lucky to have a friend
who would spend a whole day
296
00:14:15,423 --> 00:14:16,690
being so mean to me.
297
00:14:18,817 --> 00:14:19,617
Catch.
298
00:14:19,742 --> 00:14:22,028
I don't need your dress{ anymore}.
I'm gonna wear my own stuff.
299
00:14:22,153 --> 00:14:22,968
Me power.
300
00:14:23,093 --> 00:14:26,114
Good.
You're officially first date-proof.
301
00:14:26,283 --> 00:14:27,378
Thank you, Dave.
302
00:14:28,129 --> 00:14:31,579
Listen... It is impossible
that he's not gonna like you.
303
00:14:31,704 --> 00:14:33,597
He's gonna freak out
about how awesome you are.
304
00:14:33,722 --> 00:14:36,432
- No, he's not.
- Yes, he is. He's gonna love you.
305
00:14:36,557 --> 00:14:39,940
You're cool, and you're sexy,
and you're funny, and you're smart.
306
00:14:40,338 --> 00:14:42,374
Any guy would be lucky to date you.
307
00:14:42,718 --> 00:14:45,549
- Yeah! Hell, yeah!
- Hell, yeah! I am awesome!
308
00:14:45,718 --> 00:14:47,219
- You are awesome.
- Yeah!
309
00:14:47,460 --> 00:14:48,710
And you are, too.
310
00:14:48,835 --> 00:14:50,305
- Thank you.
- You are, too.
311
00:14:50,473 --> 00:14:52,240
- Thank you.
- You are, too!
312
00:14:53,060 --> 00:14:54,518
You're awesome.{You're awesome.}
313
00:14:58,128 --> 00:14:59,282
Help, police!
314
00:14:59,566 --> 00:15:00,616
Help! Help!
315
00:15:04,539 --> 00:15:06,088
Look, I know today is...
316
00:15:06,562 --> 00:15:10,079
today... And it's not tomorrow
but I felt like you should know that
317
00:15:10,204 --> 00:15:12,536
I'm awesome,
and you're lucky to have me.
318
00:15:12,859 --> 00:15:14,829
And I think
our first date tomorrow's
319
00:15:14,998 --> 00:15:16,898
gonna go awesome, off the charts.
320
00:15:17,023 --> 00:15:18,083
Amazing. Up top.
321
00:15:20,371 --> 00:15:22,319
All right, let's do this bitch!
322
00:15:22,857 --> 00:15:24,107
I'm not scared.
323
00:15:24,421 --> 00:15:25,674
Can I come in{ and sit down for a bit}?
324
00:15:25,843 --> 00:15:27,997
'Cause I walked here
'cause of the drinking.
325
00:15:28,122 --> 00:15:29,875
- I don't know.
- I do know.
326
00:15:30,000 --> 00:15:32,290
I'm coming inside, so move.
Okay?
327
00:15:32,932 --> 00:15:34,975
You make a better door than a guy.
328
00:15:37,895 --> 00:15:41,106
This is gonna sound weird.
I'm looking for a guy named Duke Silver.
329
00:15:41,821 --> 00:15:43,483
Yeah, he goes on in a second.
330
00:15:44,262 --> 00:15:47,453
Ladies, ladies, ladies,
it's just about that time.
331
00:15:47,578 --> 00:15:50,333
{pos(192,240)}It's with the jazziest pleasure
that I bring out for you
332
00:15:50,458 --> 00:15:53,402
{pos(192,240)}my man, Mr. Duke Silver.
333
00:15:58,695 --> 00:16:00,041
{pos(192,240)}Thank you, Dwayne.
334
00:16:00,209 --> 00:16:02,422
{pos(192,240)}As always, it is a thrill
to be here during
335
00:16:02,547 --> 00:16:04,671
this witching hour
with you lovely ladies.
336
00:16:05,345 --> 00:16:07,893
Now relax
and let the Duke Silver Trio
337
00:16:08,018 --> 00:16:10,552
take you on a little journey...
to yourself.
338
00:16:26,023 --> 00:16:28,033
Ann was helping me,
339
00:16:28,417 --> 00:16:30,739
because I was panicking
about tomorrow.
340
00:16:31,711 --> 00:16:33,861
Did I say something
to make you worry about to...
341
00:16:33,986 --> 00:16:34,951
No, just...
342
00:16:35,389 --> 00:16:36,828
the whole idea of first dates
343
00:16:36,996 --> 00:16:38,474
just kind of freak me out.
344
00:16:38,826 --> 00:16:39,748
{But }Not anymore.
345
00:16:40,629 --> 00:16:43,967
I can't even believe that I was
scared to go on a date with you.
346
00:16:44,117 --> 00:16:45,712
{I mean, }You should be scared of me.
347
00:16:47,669 --> 00:16:49,632
I think I need
to return this sweater.
348
00:16:49,992 --> 00:16:52,677
I think it fused with my shirt
in the dryer or something.
349
00:16:53,081 --> 00:16:55,347
I think that's
a sweater-shirt combo.
350
00:16:57,834 --> 00:17:00,163
I think it's going
pretty well with Dave.
351
00:17:00,960 --> 00:17:03,693
He wants me.
I can totally tell that he wants me.
352
00:17:03,818 --> 00:17:06,215
I'm right here.
You know I'm here, right?
353
00:17:08,281 --> 00:17:09,610
Did you see my bra?
354
00:17:11,721 --> 00:17:13,865
{Guess what? `}I'm wearing the hot one tomorrow,
the black one.
355
00:17:14,248 --> 00:17:15,868
Can I use your bathroom?
356
00:17:16,450 --> 00:17:18,370
Are you impressed
that I know what it's called?
357
00:17:18,538 --> 00:17:21,156
- {Maybe }I ought to give you a lift home.
- Good. Well, in London,
358
00:17:21,281 --> 00:17:22,783
they call the elevators lifts,
359
00:17:22,908 --> 00:17:25,587
- you're gonna give me an elevator home?{ No thank you}
- OK, let's go.
360
00:17:26,671 --> 00:17:28,924
Let's go down to the pub...
361
00:17:29,049 --> 00:17:30,548
- That's right.
- {And }Get a pint.
362
00:17:30,673 --> 00:17:33,171
We'll put our knickers
in the beatle records.
363
00:17:33,296 --> 00:17:34,636
This is an English accent.
364
00:17:34,804 --> 00:17:37,494
What I cannot believe
is Dexhart's wife.
365
00:17:37,619 --> 00:17:39,371
I mean, how clueless can you get?
366
00:17:39,496 --> 00:17:42,158
How did she not know
this was going on?
367
00:17:42,436 --> 00:17:44,626
More importantly,
how does she stay with him
368
00:17:44,751 --> 00:17:46,001
after all this?
369
00:17:47,900 --> 00:17:50,508
Can I help you at...
370
00:17:50,633 --> 00:17:51,883
11:48 PM?
371
00:17:52,280 --> 00:17:54,698
OK, here's the whole thing.
Here are all my skeletons.
372
00:17:55,207 --> 00:17:57,909
When I was 16, I had sex
with a married woman.
373
00:17:58,078 --> 00:17:59,577
- Right.
- When I was in college,
374
00:17:59,745 --> 00:18:01,845
I smoked a decent amount of pot.
375
00:18:02,142 --> 00:18:04,586
- Nothing insane.
- What the hell are you doing?
376
00:18:04,711 --> 00:18:08,544
{What I'm doing, Ann, is }I'm trying to tell you that I've done
some stuff that I'm not very proud of,
377
00:18:08,914 --> 00:18:11,423
and I like you, so I would rather
you not find out about this
378
00:18:11,592 --> 00:18:13,466
from anyone but me.
379
00:18:13,591 --> 00:18:14,884
This was a bad idea.
380
00:18:15,873 --> 00:18:17,887
No, no, it's... It's fine.
381
00:18:18,361 --> 00:18:19,680
I get what this is
382
00:18:19,850 --> 00:18:21,247
and why you did it.
383
00:18:23,016 --> 00:18:25,478
Is there anything{that }you would like
to share from your past
384
00:18:25,646 --> 00:18:27,326
to sort of balance the scales?
385
00:18:28,213 --> 00:18:30,350
One time, this guy rang
my doorbell at midnight
386
00:18:30,475 --> 00:18:32,986
to brag about getting laid
when he was 16, so I shot him.
387
00:18:33,155 --> 00:18:33,987
Good night.
388
00:18:35,791 --> 00:18:38,867
It's been a real gift making
sonic love to you tonight.
389
00:18:39,738 --> 00:18:42,863
If you want more of the Duke,
both my albums are for sale here...
390
00:18:42,988 --> 00:18:45,150
Smooth as Silver and Hi ho, Duke.
391
00:18:46,004 --> 00:18:47,995
And look for my new CD next month,
392
00:18:48,120 --> 00:18:50,220
Memories of Now.
393
00:18:51,118 --> 00:18:54,268
So come see me, come talk to me,
come love with me,
394
00:18:54,748 --> 00:18:57,259
and maybe we can
walk through fire together.
395
00:18:57,488 --> 00:18:58,750
Thank you.
Good night.
396
00:19:04,633 --> 00:19:05,453
Duke!
397
00:19:05,943 --> 00:19:07,166
Huge fan.
398
00:19:12,447 --> 00:19:15,694
Look, Tom, I imagine you'll want
to tell everyone about this,
399
00:19:15,864 --> 00:19:18,850
but I have worked pretty hard
to cultivate a certain authoritative
400
00:19:18,975 --> 00:19:20,800
or intimidating image
around the office.
401
00:19:20,925 --> 00:19:22,786
- Can I get a picture?
- Sure.
402
00:19:23,269 --> 00:19:26,174
- Say, "I bested you".
- I bested you.
403
00:19:27,469 --> 00:19:29,532
All right.
Thanks for lovin' the Duke.
404
00:19:30,378 --> 00:19:31,461
{That was a }Lovely photo.
405
00:19:32,337 --> 00:19:34,172
- Truce?
- Truce.
406
00:19:36,061 --> 00:19:38,273
- You're kidding me.
- No, I'm not.
407
00:19:38,594 --> 00:19:41,757
You showed up at the guy's house,
in the middle of the night, drunk,
408
00:19:42,623 --> 00:19:43,972
{and }you didn't {even }sleep with him?
409
00:19:44,141 --> 00:19:46,165
- Should I have?
- It never hurts.
410
00:19:54,632 --> 00:19:57,484
You... You left quite a bit of stuff
at my place last night...
411
00:19:57,609 --> 00:20:00,573
purse and earrings and a shoe.
412
00:20:00,741 --> 00:20:02,367
I am so sorry about {for what happened }last night.
413
00:20:02,536 --> 00:20:06,219
On my list of embarrassing things
that I've done in my life, that was...
414
00:20:06,485 --> 00:20:08,128
numbers one through seven.
415
00:20:08,658 --> 00:20:11,292
- I {totally }understand if you want to cancel.
- It's okay.
416
00:20:11,460 --> 00:20:13,711
You can make it up to me tonight
on our second date.
417
00:20:14,719 --> 00:20:15,643
2nd?
418
00:20:15,941 --> 00:20:18,758
{Well, yeah, }Last night was our first date,
so that would make tonight our second.
419
00:20:19,078 --> 00:20:20,559
I'm looking forward to it.
420
00:20:20,730 --> 00:20:21,645
8:00?
421
00:20:22,588 --> 00:20:23,471
8:00.
422
00:20:24,854 --> 00:20:26,474
- You like dancing?
- Yeah.
423
00:20:26,997 --> 00:20:29,561
- I don't like dancing.
- We don't have to go.
424
00:20:30,082 --> 00:20:32,814
Well, we went on our first date,
and I didn't even know it,
425
00:20:33,218 --> 00:20:34,467
a.k.a. I nailed it.
426
00:20:35,737 --> 00:20:37,728
No fires, no ambulances.
427
00:20:38,311 --> 00:20:42,042
Just good old-fashioned showing up
drunk at a guy's house late at night.
428
00:20:43,743 --> 00:20:45,960
However, I want to be clear.
429
00:20:46,878 --> 00:20:49,163
I have no plans to resign.
430
00:20:50,034 --> 00:20:53,920
Is it weird that my feelings are hurt
that no one's found any dirt on me yet?
431
00:20:55,352 --> 00:20:56,302
Hello!
432
00:20:56,775 --> 00:20:59,549
{pos(192,210)}I drove a riding lawn mower
through a Nordstrom!
433
00:21:00,841 --> 00:21:02,641
{pos(192,210)}There's video that I took!
434
00:21:03,088 --> 00:21:04,429
{pos(192,210)}It's on the Internet.
435
00:21:07,341 --> 00:21:08,141
Nothing.
436
00:21:09,272 --> 00:21:11,262
{pos(192,210)}Jerry, plastic surgery?
437
00:21:14,495 --> 00:21:16,345
{pos(192,210)}I got hit by a fire engine.
438
00:21:17,748 --> 00:21:19,110
{pos(192,210)}You are so lucky.
439
00:21:19,437 --> 00:21:20,331
How?
34692
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.