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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,084 --> 00:00:02,835 ... And to my wife, I apologize. 2 00:00:03,276 --> 00:00:06,457 All I can say is, I wasn't just having sex. 3 00:00:07,062 --> 00:00:09,634 I was making love to a beautiful woman... 4 00:00:10,928 --> 00:00:12,176 {pos(192,210)}and her boyfriend, 5 00:00:12,301 --> 00:00:15,097 {pos(192,210)}and a third person whose name I never learned. 6 00:00:15,526 --> 00:00:18,076 Furthermore, it was wrong of me to say 7 00:00:18,201 --> 00:00:20,679 I was building houses for the underprivileged 8 00:00:20,804 --> 00:00:23,182 when I was actually having four-way sex 9 00:00:23,307 --> 00:00:25,270 in a cave in Brazil. 10 00:00:25,537 --> 00:00:27,610 I bet cave sex is in-sane. 11 00:00:27,779 --> 00:00:30,246 - Why? - {because of }The echoes and the humidity. 12 00:00:31,490 --> 00:00:34,467 ... In my defense, it was my birthday, 13 00:00:35,212 --> 00:00:37,119 and I really wanted to do it. 14 00:00:37,445 --> 00:00:38,954 I think it's a real shame 15 00:00:39,122 --> 00:00:42,035 when people focus on the tawdry details of a scandal. 16 00:00:42,460 --> 00:00:46,284 Personally, all I care about is councilman Dexhart's policies, 17 00:00:46,409 --> 00:00:48,963 not whether he was high on nitrous and cocaine 18 00:00:49,347 --> 00:00:50,849 during the cave sex... 19 00:00:50,974 --> 00:00:52,802 which, by the way, I heard he was. 20 00:00:53,290 --> 00:00:55,377 ... One more shocking revelation in a story 21 00:00:55,502 --> 00:00:57,223 that just won't stop unfolding. 22 00:00:57,392 --> 00:01:00,518 It turns out councilman Dexhart may have also had sex 23 00:01:00,686 --> 00:01:02,824 with a prostitute in the limousine 24 00:01:02,949 --> 00:01:06,249 on the way to and from the press conference 25 00:01:06,374 --> 00:01:08,931 where he apologized for having an affair. 26 00:01:09,641 --> 00:01:11,774 Why does anybody want to run for public office? 27 00:01:11,899 --> 00:01:14,532 You're just asking to have your entire life exposed. 28 00:01:14,806 --> 00:01:17,997 Well, if you're squeaky clean, like I am, there's no problem. 29 00:01:18,537 --> 00:01:20,537 You're married, and you hit on women constantly. 30 00:01:20,840 --> 00:01:23,424 Yeah, but I've never sealed the deal. 31 00:01:23,850 --> 00:01:25,304 Just window shopping. 32 00:01:25,568 --> 00:01:27,772 You can fly to Brazil, just don't enter the cave.{ Am I right?} 33 00:01:27,897 --> 00:01:28,897 Up top. 34 00:01:33,729 --> 00:01:35,368 .:: La Fabrique ::. 35 00:01:35,821 --> 00:01:38,153 {pos(260,270}Episode 204 Practice Date 36 00:01:52,265 --> 00:01:53,863 {I'm sure that }You think that you're clean, 37 00:01:54,031 --> 00:01:56,101 {pos(110,260)}but I bet that we could find something on you. 38 00:01:56,226 --> 00:01:58,893 {pos(110,260)}I changed my name, which is legal, and once in high school, 39 00:01:59,018 --> 00:02:01,328 a girl beat me in a wrestling match. That's it. 40 00:02:01,864 --> 00:02:04,039 {pos(110,260)}I bet anything I can find worse stuff on all you. 41 00:02:04,209 --> 00:02:06,109 {pos(110,260)}Are you suggesting a game? 42 00:02:06,711 --> 00:02:08,210 {pos(110,260)}- I'm in. - I'm in. 43 00:02:08,378 --> 00:02:10,838 {pos(110,260)}- I'm out. - Not an option, Jerry. 44 00:02:11,080 --> 00:02:13,841 - You're going down. - Seriously, I don't want to play. 45 00:02:14,010 --> 00:02:16,515 {pos(110,260)}No, seriously, you are playing. We're gonna nail you. 46 00:02:17,284 --> 00:02:18,470 I will play, too. 47 00:02:18,721 --> 00:02:21,351 {pos(110,260)}If only to prove that I can find more dirt on you 48 00:02:21,476 --> 00:02:22,767 {pos(110,260)}than you can on me. 49 00:02:23,163 --> 00:02:24,834 {pos(110,260)}That's why we're all playing. 50 00:02:25,728 --> 00:02:27,354 {pos(110,260)}Your desk is over there. 51 00:02:27,543 --> 00:02:29,815 {pos(110,260)}I love games that turn people against each other. 52 00:02:30,300 --> 00:02:33,547 {pos(192,220)}You will never believe what I just found on Jerry's Facebook. 53 00:02:33,672 --> 00:02:34,748 A friend. 54 00:02:34,873 --> 00:02:35,895 Burn. 55 00:02:36,283 --> 00:02:38,739 {pos(110,260)}Okay, again, I'd really rather not play. 56 00:02:39,117 --> 00:02:40,594 Hey, guys, what are you doing? 57 00:02:40,719 --> 00:02:42,538 {pos(110,260)}Trying to see who has the least{ amount of} dirt on them 58 00:02:42,663 --> 00:02:44,617 {pos(110,260)}in case someone wants to run for office. 59 00:02:44,998 --> 00:02:47,125 Well, it ain't Jerry, that's for sure. 60 00:02:47,277 --> 00:02:50,252 He's got a couple of 3-5-9s on him. Public urination. 61 00:02:50,780 --> 00:02:52,282 I don't like this game. 62 00:02:52,407 --> 00:02:53,857 Just don't like it. 63 00:02:56,370 --> 00:02:58,552 He's probably gonna go anger pee in the courtyard. 64 00:03:01,074 --> 00:03:02,844 You crazy park people, 65 00:03:03,412 --> 00:03:04,610 I'm out of here. 66 00:03:04,965 --> 00:03:06,537 Leslie, I'll see you tomorrow. 67 00:03:06,662 --> 00:03:10,272 Tomorrow will be our first official... first date. 68 00:03:10,583 --> 00:03:13,071 - Roger that. - Copy. Over and out. 69 00:03:14,211 --> 00:03:16,612 Dave and I are going on our first date tomorrow. 70 00:03:17,404 --> 00:03:19,339 I'm not nervous. Why should I be nervous? 71 00:03:19,464 --> 00:03:21,715 We're just two people going on a first date. 72 00:03:21,840 --> 00:03:23,717 There's nothing to be nervous about. 73 00:03:30,098 --> 00:03:31,498 That was my phone. 74 00:03:34,293 --> 00:03:36,230 What are you... what are you doing here? 75 00:03:36,355 --> 00:03:39,051 Just having lunch with Leslie. What are you up to? 76 00:03:39,355 --> 00:03:43,183 I'm looking for scandalous information about my co-workers 77 00:03:43,722 --> 00:03:45,349 for a game that we're playing. 78 00:03:46,323 --> 00:03:48,018 My taxes pay your salary, right? 79 00:03:49,980 --> 00:03:50,883 Cool. 80 00:03:55,728 --> 00:03:57,069 And he looked up at me, 81 00:03:57,238 --> 00:03:59,068 and he said, 82 00:03:59,193 --> 00:04:00,865 "Thank you. You saved my life". 83 00:04:02,515 --> 00:04:05,113 Hey, listen, I'm really nervous about this date tomorrow night. 84 00:04:05,238 --> 00:04:07,580 Do you have, like, a first date outfit I could borrow? 85 00:04:07,748 --> 00:04:10,431 Like, I don't know, pair of cargo pants. 86 00:04:10,556 --> 00:04:12,251 I wouldn't go with a cargo pant. 87 00:04:12,431 --> 00:04:14,059 What about, like, a sexy hat? 88 00:04:14,337 --> 00:04:16,819 - I don't know what that even is. - Helping already. 89 00:04:17,064 --> 00:04:18,890 Do you want to come by after work today? 90 00:04:19,015 --> 00:04:20,467 Sure, yeah. Tonight? 91 00:04:21,112 --> 00:04:22,618 Several hours from now? 92 00:04:26,460 --> 00:04:28,642 Or you could just come over now? 93 00:04:28,810 --> 00:04:30,603 I think that would better. {That would give us more time.}Let's go. 94 00:04:35,973 --> 00:04:37,401 What you doing, guys? 95 00:04:37,570 --> 00:04:39,183 Looking for dirt on me? 96 00:04:39,473 --> 00:04:40,473 No point. 97 00:04:40,723 --> 00:04:41,905 Give up now. 98 00:04:42,351 --> 00:04:44,496 Oh, wait, there is this. 99 00:04:45,731 --> 00:04:46,731 Everybody, 100 00:04:47,508 --> 00:04:49,371 I bought a croissan'wich this morning. 101 00:04:49,860 --> 00:04:52,419 This isn't even a real receipt, just a scrap of paper. 102 00:04:52,987 --> 00:04:54,268 Taliban robes! 103 00:04:54,522 --> 00:04:56,864 What? Where'd you get that photo from? 104 00:04:58,864 --> 00:05:00,611 Nice taliban robes. 105 00:05:01,051 --> 00:05:03,461 Those aren't taliban robes. That's from Halloween{ ten years ago}. 106 00:05:03,586 --> 00:05:04,873 I was dressed like a jedi. 107 00:05:04,998 --> 00:05:07,861 I'm sure that the voters would be able to tell the difference. 108 00:05:08,074 --> 00:05:10,151 Looks to me like you're in the taliban. 109 00:05:10,519 --> 00:05:13,062 Did everybody know that Ron's ex-wife Tammy 110 00:05:13,231 --> 00:05:15,688 is actually his second ex-wife named Tammy? 111 00:05:15,946 --> 00:05:18,923 That's right. Ron has two ex-wives, 112 00:05:19,048 --> 00:05:21,178 each named Tammy. 113 00:05:22,699 --> 00:05:24,349 Both of them bitches. 114 00:05:24,951 --> 00:05:27,822 Yes, my mom's name is Tammy. 115 00:05:30,581 --> 00:05:31,898 What's your point? 116 00:05:32,125 --> 00:05:34,459 Tom! That was a jaeger-secret. 117 00:05:35,336 --> 00:05:37,325 You just breached a jaeger-secret. 118 00:05:38,214 --> 00:05:40,589 Damn! This just heated up quick. 119 00:05:43,344 --> 00:05:44,927 - That looks great. - Yeah? 120 00:05:45,095 --> 00:05:47,538 Will you be wearing it out of the store today, madame? 121 00:05:47,663 --> 00:05:49,823 I think I will, good lady. 122 00:05:52,102 --> 00:05:54,227 - {While I have you, }Can I ask you a question? - Shoot. 123 00:05:54,417 --> 00:05:55,602 {What if he asks me}if I've been married? 124 00:05:55,773 --> 00:05:57,105 - Have you? - No. 125 00:05:57,230 --> 00:06:00,004 - Then say that. - But he'll wonder why I haven't been{ married}. 126 00:06:00,129 --> 00:06:02,049 You know what{ I'm gonna do}? I'm gonna say that I was married, 127 00:06:02,174 --> 00:06:04,177 but the{ real} question is, should I say that I have kids? 128 00:06:04,302 --> 00:06:06,233 Guy like girls that have kids, right? 129 00:06:06,700 --> 00:06:08,868 What if I get drunk and I talk about Darfur too much? 130 00:06:08,993 --> 00:06:10,994 Or not enough?{ What if I don't bring up darfur enough?} 131 00:06:11,242 --> 00:06:12,370 Leslie, relax. 132 00:06:15,115 --> 00:06:18,877 I have a few more questions for you. "What if he shows up with another woman? 133 00:06:19,133 --> 00:06:21,045 "What if one of my sleeves catches on fire 134 00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:22,690 "and it spreads rapidly? 135 00:06:22,815 --> 00:06:25,941 "What if, instead of tic tacs, I accidentally pop a couple of ambien, 136 00:06:26,066 --> 00:06:28,070 and I have to keep punching my leg to stay awake?" 137 00:06:28,195 --> 00:06:30,074 Those are all insane hypotheticals, 138 00:06:30,199 --> 00:06:32,141 and I promise you they won't happen. 139 00:06:33,297 --> 00:06:34,690 They have happened. 140 00:06:35,665 --> 00:06:37,511 All of these have happened to me. 141 00:06:38,129 --> 00:06:39,271 No, there's more. 142 00:06:39,396 --> 00:06:42,433 One time, I accidentally drank an entire bottle of vinegar. 143 00:06:42,558 --> 00:06:43,944 I thought it was terrible wine. 144 00:06:44,113 --> 00:06:47,484 Once, I went out with a guy who wore 3-d glasses the entire evening. 145 00:06:47,832 --> 00:06:50,658 One time, I rode in a sidecar on a guy's motorcycle, 146 00:06:50,783 --> 00:06:53,487 and the sidecar detached and went down a flight of stairs. 147 00:06:53,955 --> 00:06:56,740 Another time, I went to a really boring movie with a guy, 148 00:06:56,865 --> 00:06:59,714 and while I was asleep, he tried to pull out one of my teeth. 149 00:07:00,431 --> 00:07:02,704 I literally woke up with his hand in my mouth. 150 00:07:03,349 --> 00:07:05,466 We went out{ a couple times} after that, but then he got weird. 151 00:07:05,711 --> 00:07:07,361 I know it sounds crazy. 152 00:07:07,552 --> 00:07:10,888 I'm a grown woman, but I'm just not good on first dates. 153 00:07:12,722 --> 00:07:15,324 You have a problem, and this is how we're gonna fix it. 154 00:07:15,449 --> 00:07:17,358 I know what you're thinking. I wear an earpiece, 155 00:07:17,483 --> 00:07:20,028 you sit at a table nearby, you speak into a mike, 156 00:07:20,153 --> 00:07:22,841 you tell me what to say on the date, but let me tell you{ something, Ann}, it never works. 157 00:07:23,443 --> 00:07:26,409 We are gonna go to a restaurant and have a practice date. 158 00:07:26,534 --> 00:07:29,072 I will pretend to be Dave, and you will practice on me. 159 00:07:29,830 --> 00:07:31,075 That's a way better idea. 160 00:07:33,754 --> 00:07:35,606 Hey, Dave, it's me. It's Leslie. 161 00:07:35,790 --> 00:07:39,124 Hi, Leslie, it's good to see you. You don't want to do that quite yet. 162 00:07:41,658 --> 00:07:43,295 Let's begin our conversation. 163 00:07:45,613 --> 00:07:47,463 What's on the note cards? 164 00:07:47,588 --> 00:07:49,411 They're possible topics of conversation. 165 00:07:49,553 --> 00:07:52,536 Whales, parades, electricity... 166 00:07:53,834 --> 00:07:56,391 - And the rest are blank. - I couldn't think of anything else. 167 00:07:56,744 --> 00:07:58,746 Leslie's in worse shape than I thought. 168 00:08:03,125 --> 00:08:04,875 Is she practice laughing? 169 00:08:11,242 --> 00:08:13,570 The Danish call it oppe og nede apparat, 170 00:08:13,695 --> 00:08:15,660 which literally translated means 171 00:08:15,830 --> 00:08:17,386 "the up and down machine". 172 00:08:18,456 --> 00:08:20,761 That's a thorough history of the teeter-totter. 173 00:08:20,887 --> 00:08:24,303 {pos(192,240)}Now I'm gonna talk about the local flora and fauna found in Pawnee. 174 00:08:24,454 --> 00:08:26,782 {pos(192,240)}You know what? Just ask me a question. 175 00:08:26,907 --> 00:08:28,757 {pos(192,240)}- Just try to get to know me. - Okay. 176 00:08:31,663 --> 00:08:34,555 {pos(192,240)}I can't think of anything to ask you. I'm sorry. My mind is blank. 177 00:08:34,723 --> 00:08:36,556 {pos(192,240)}Ask me the first thing that comes to you{r head}. 178 00:08:36,725 --> 00:08:37,925 How big is it? 179 00:08:39,887 --> 00:08:41,577 - Really? - Oh, my God. 180 00:08:44,393 --> 00:08:45,280 You ready? 181 00:08:45,405 --> 00:08:48,005 Yes, I am. Just give me one second. 182 00:08:48,537 --> 00:08:50,756 Donna, let me ask you something. 183 00:08:51,352 --> 00:08:52,663 Do you hate black people? 184 00:08:52,788 --> 00:08:53,788 Excuse me? 185 00:08:53,913 --> 00:08:55,826 'Cause apparently in 1988, 186 00:08:56,166 --> 00:08:57,352 you donated money 187 00:08:57,477 --> 00:08:59,605 to the presidential campaign for... 188 00:08:59,730 --> 00:09:00,978 David Duke! 189 00:09:01,103 --> 00:09:02,106 The KKK guy? 190 00:09:02,231 --> 00:09:05,127 I got a phone call. They said he would lower taxes. 191 00:09:06,435 --> 00:09:07,921 How's it feel to lose so hard? 192 00:09:08,921 --> 00:09:10,883 I'm sorry, honey. Let's get coffee. 193 00:09:11,055 --> 00:09:13,699 Re-Ron, you remember my wife, wendy Haverford. 194 00:09:13,824 --> 00:09:15,596 Of course. How are things at the hospital? 195 00:09:15,893 --> 00:09:17,807 Very good, thank you. 196 00:09:17,932 --> 00:09:20,309 I just got a pediatric surgery fellowship. 197 00:09:20,498 --> 00:09:21,375 Nice. 198 00:09:21,500 --> 00:09:23,499 We're celebrating, 'cause she's super rich 199 00:09:23,688 --> 00:09:25,448 and super hot also. 200 00:09:25,573 --> 00:09:28,441 - Okay, come on, Tommy. Cut it out. - You're super hot. 201 00:09:28,631 --> 00:09:31,900 Everybody else has to deal with it. Let's get out of here. See you later. 202 00:09:34,187 --> 00:09:36,818 I've established a scientifically perfect 203 00:09:36,943 --> 00:09:39,035 ten-point scale of human beauty. 204 00:09:39,205 --> 00:09:41,079 Wendy is a 7.4, 205 00:09:41,204 --> 00:09:43,459 which is way too high for Tom, 206 00:09:43,584 --> 00:09:45,694 who is a 3.8. 207 00:09:46,210 --> 00:09:48,810 Ten is tennis legend Steffi Graf. 208 00:09:53,153 --> 00:09:56,220 You're late, and I can see your nipples through your dress. 209 00:09:56,388 --> 00:09:57,930 What? No. Really? 210 00:09:58,098 --> 00:10:01,099 In nursing school, we took a psych course on how to treat phobias 211 00:10:01,224 --> 00:10:03,604 with a method called exposure therapy. 212 00:10:03,729 --> 00:10:07,417 So like if you were afraid of snakes, they'd immerse you in a tank of snakes, 213 00:10:07,542 --> 00:10:11,546 so I am going to immerse Leslie in a tank of bad date. 214 00:10:12,112 --> 00:10:14,181 You're 20 minutes late. I almost left. 215 00:10:14,739 --> 00:10:15,957 I was... 216 00:10:17,174 --> 00:10:18,492 dropping my niece off. 217 00:10:18,660 --> 00:10:21,868 - What's your niece's name? - Torple. What? I don't know. 218 00:10:22,757 --> 00:10:23,872 That's not a name. 219 00:10:24,092 --> 00:10:25,416 I don't have a niece. 220 00:10:26,185 --> 00:10:28,460 - My niece's name is Stephanie? - Stop lying! 221 00:10:28,628 --> 00:10:30,486 Look, there's bread! You want some... 222 00:10:31,089 --> 00:10:33,882 I got flowers in your soup. I'm so sorry... 223 00:10:34,192 --> 00:10:36,792 Just... I have to go to the... 224 00:10:37,385 --> 00:10:39,321 whizz palace. You know, Dave, the... 225 00:10:39,446 --> 00:10:40,888 the place where you... 226 00:10:41,013 --> 00:10:42,863 you know, the toilet thing. 227 00:10:46,734 --> 00:10:48,034 It's a bathroom! 228 00:10:48,159 --> 00:10:49,648 It's called a bathroom! 229 00:10:55,014 --> 00:10:56,465 A little birdy told me 230 00:10:56,590 --> 00:10:59,516 that you have one unpaid parking ticket. 231 00:10:59,700 --> 00:11:01,531 That's funny, because a little birdy told me 232 00:11:01,656 --> 00:11:05,018 that your adoptive mother was arrested for marijuana possession. 233 00:11:05,659 --> 00:11:06,872 Snap! 234 00:11:07,212 --> 00:11:09,087 - What? - You didn't know that, huh? 235 00:11:11,728 --> 00:11:13,461 I didn't know I was adopted. 236 00:11:18,720 --> 00:11:21,342 - I'm so sorry. - I really didn't want to play. 237 00:11:23,873 --> 00:11:25,992 - That was not my intention. - It's not your fault. 238 00:11:26,117 --> 00:11:28,687 He totally baited you with that unpaid parking ticket. 239 00:11:29,308 --> 00:11:31,908 Tom, could you come into my office? 240 00:11:33,122 --> 00:11:34,568 Tom-mato sauce. 241 00:11:35,188 --> 00:11:36,468 Ron-tanamo bay. 242 00:11:36,946 --> 00:11:38,196 Do be seated, 243 00:11:38,972 --> 00:11:41,074 and congratulate me. 244 00:11:41,792 --> 00:11:43,702 - For what? - Winning the game. 245 00:11:44,136 --> 00:11:47,137 I just found out, through some pretty impressive investigating, 246 00:11:47,262 --> 00:11:49,532 that your wedding was a sham. 247 00:11:49,944 --> 00:11:52,034 - It's a green card marriage. - That's crazy. 248 00:11:52,159 --> 00:11:54,645 I was born in south Carolina. These colors don't run, baby. 249 00:11:54,770 --> 00:11:57,147 Yes, but Wendy was born in Ottawa... 250 00:11:57,272 --> 00:11:58,175 Canada! 251 00:11:59,019 --> 00:12:01,901 Her visa was set to expire the day after you got married 252 00:12:02,026 --> 00:12:06,030 at the county courthouse in front of 3 strangers and no family. 253 00:12:08,365 --> 00:12:11,271 We met in college. She wanted to work in the states. 254 00:12:11,439 --> 00:12:12,981 She couldn't get a permit. 255 00:12:13,990 --> 00:12:16,443 I knew it. I knew you couldn't get a wife as hot as her. 256 00:12:16,851 --> 00:12:19,452 Seriously, Ron, games aside, you got to keep this between us. 257 00:12:19,577 --> 00:12:22,491 - Don't tell anybody, please. - Come on{, Don't worry}. I'm not gonna turn you in. 258 00:12:23,044 --> 00:12:25,672 Just admit that when it comes to digging up dirt, 259 00:12:25,797 --> 00:12:27,239 I bested you in this game. 260 00:12:27,364 --> 00:12:31,192 - Say it. Say "I bested you." - Fine, you bested me. Is that all? 261 00:12:33,631 --> 00:12:35,962 - I'll have your wife tonight. - What? 262 00:12:37,238 --> 00:12:38,490 I'm just kidding. 263 00:12:38,615 --> 00:12:39,673 Get out of here. 264 00:12:40,400 --> 00:12:41,759 Why would you say that? 265 00:12:42,000 --> 00:12:44,471 That dog was like my best friend, and when she died... 266 00:12:46,379 --> 00:12:47,516 Hey, Tiffany. 267 00:12:47,943 --> 00:12:50,018 Yeah, I definitely want to see you tonight. 268 00:12:51,042 --> 00:12:53,855 No, I can't really talk right now, 'cause I'm a date with this drip. 269 00:12:54,955 --> 00:12:55,933 I can ask. 270 00:12:56,058 --> 00:12:58,527 Do you want to watch a porno after this with me and my wife? 271 00:12:59,016 --> 00:13:01,863 No, Dave, 'cause you're disgusting. 272 00:13:04,022 --> 00:13:06,901 - So it's definitely a no? - {I don't understand }Why you're being so terrible? 273 00:13:07,245 --> 00:13:10,340 We're 2 people trying to go on a date. It's supposed to be fun. It's{ just} a date. 274 00:13:10,465 --> 00:13:11,852 You're right, it is. 275 00:13:11,977 --> 00:13:12,958 Well done. 276 00:13:13,337 --> 00:13:14,795 {Sorry }I had to get all medical on you, 277 00:13:14,920 --> 00:13:17,348 but now you see that even if everything goes wrong, 278 00:13:17,473 --> 00:13:18,629 you'll survive. 279 00:13:23,206 --> 00:13:24,486 You coy bastard. 280 00:13:30,473 --> 00:13:31,810 You hate Ron, right? 281 00:13:32,425 --> 00:13:35,230 - No, I think Ron is fine. - So we're on the same page. 282 00:13:35,738 --> 00:13:38,275 You got to help me take him down. There's got to be something on him. 283 00:13:38,615 --> 00:13:41,205 I'm starting to feel kind of gross about this game. 284 00:13:41,425 --> 00:13:44,055 It's not about the game anymore. Ron has some serious dirt on me. 285 00:13:44,180 --> 00:13:46,622 I need to balance things out. You must know how that feels. 286 00:13:46,747 --> 00:13:49,327 You got tons of dirt in your past. Please, you gotta help me. 287 00:13:52,258 --> 00:13:54,602 There is a man named Duke Silver. 288 00:13:55,307 --> 00:13:57,294 He hangs out at a bar in eagleton. 289 00:13:58,073 --> 00:13:59,753 He's an old friend of Ron's. 290 00:13:59,923 --> 00:14:02,381 - Maybe you should ask him. - Thanks, man. 291 00:14:02,577 --> 00:14:04,262 I'm gonna dig up so much dirt{ on this guy}, 292 00:14:04,387 --> 00:14:06,987 there's gonna be worms all over the place. 293 00:14:09,099 --> 00:14:10,849 It sounded snappier in my head. 294 00:14:11,581 --> 00:14:12,976 Ann is so awesome. 295 00:14:13,208 --> 00:14:15,298 I'm lucky to have a friend who would spend a whole day 296 00:14:15,423 --> 00:14:16,690 being so mean to me. 297 00:14:18,817 --> 00:14:19,617 Catch. 298 00:14:19,742 --> 00:14:22,028 I don't need your dress{ anymore}. I'm gonna wear my own stuff. 299 00:14:22,153 --> 00:14:22,968 Me power. 300 00:14:23,093 --> 00:14:26,114 Good. You're officially first date-proof. 301 00:14:26,283 --> 00:14:27,378 Thank you, Dave. 302 00:14:28,129 --> 00:14:31,579 Listen... It is impossible that he's not gonna like you. 303 00:14:31,704 --> 00:14:33,597 He's gonna freak out about how awesome you are. 304 00:14:33,722 --> 00:14:36,432 - No, he's not. - Yes, he is. He's gonna love you. 305 00:14:36,557 --> 00:14:39,940 You're cool, and you're sexy, and you're funny, and you're smart. 306 00:14:40,338 --> 00:14:42,374 Any guy would be lucky to date you. 307 00:14:42,718 --> 00:14:45,549 - Yeah! Hell, yeah! - Hell, yeah! I am awesome! 308 00:14:45,718 --> 00:14:47,219 - You are awesome. - Yeah! 309 00:14:47,460 --> 00:14:48,710 And you are, too. 310 00:14:48,835 --> 00:14:50,305 - Thank you. - You are, too. 311 00:14:50,473 --> 00:14:52,240 - Thank you. - You are, too! 312 00:14:53,060 --> 00:14:54,518 You're awesome.{You're awesome.} 313 00:14:58,128 --> 00:14:59,282 Help, police! 314 00:14:59,566 --> 00:15:00,616 Help! Help! 315 00:15:04,539 --> 00:15:06,088 Look, I know today is... 316 00:15:06,562 --> 00:15:10,079 today... And it's not tomorrow but I felt like you should know that 317 00:15:10,204 --> 00:15:12,536 I'm awesome, and you're lucky to have me. 318 00:15:12,859 --> 00:15:14,829 And I think our first date tomorrow's 319 00:15:14,998 --> 00:15:16,898 gonna go awesome, off the charts. 320 00:15:17,023 --> 00:15:18,083 Amazing. Up top. 321 00:15:20,371 --> 00:15:22,319 All right, let's do this bitch! 322 00:15:22,857 --> 00:15:24,107 I'm not scared. 323 00:15:24,421 --> 00:15:25,674 Can I come in{ and sit down for a bit}? 324 00:15:25,843 --> 00:15:27,997 'Cause I walked here 'cause of the drinking. 325 00:15:28,122 --> 00:15:29,875 - I don't know. - I do know. 326 00:15:30,000 --> 00:15:32,290 I'm coming inside, so move. Okay? 327 00:15:32,932 --> 00:15:34,975 You make a better door than a guy. 328 00:15:37,895 --> 00:15:41,106 This is gonna sound weird. I'm looking for a guy named Duke Silver. 329 00:15:41,821 --> 00:15:43,483 Yeah, he goes on in a second. 330 00:15:44,262 --> 00:15:47,453 Ladies, ladies, ladies, it's just about that time. 331 00:15:47,578 --> 00:15:50,333 {pos(192,240)}It's with the jazziest pleasure that I bring out for you 332 00:15:50,458 --> 00:15:53,402 {pos(192,240)}my man, Mr. Duke Silver. 333 00:15:58,695 --> 00:16:00,041 {pos(192,240)}Thank you, Dwayne. 334 00:16:00,209 --> 00:16:02,422 {pos(192,240)}As always, it is a thrill to be here during 335 00:16:02,547 --> 00:16:04,671 this witching hour with you lovely ladies. 336 00:16:05,345 --> 00:16:07,893 Now relax and let the Duke Silver Trio 337 00:16:08,018 --> 00:16:10,552 take you on a little journey... to yourself. 338 00:16:26,023 --> 00:16:28,033 Ann was helping me, 339 00:16:28,417 --> 00:16:30,739 because I was panicking about tomorrow. 340 00:16:31,711 --> 00:16:33,861 Did I say something to make you worry about to... 341 00:16:33,986 --> 00:16:34,951 No, just... 342 00:16:35,389 --> 00:16:36,828 the whole idea of first dates 343 00:16:36,996 --> 00:16:38,474 just kind of freak me out. 344 00:16:38,826 --> 00:16:39,748 {But }Not anymore. 345 00:16:40,629 --> 00:16:43,967 I can't even believe that I was scared to go on a date with you. 346 00:16:44,117 --> 00:16:45,712 {I mean, }You should be scared of me. 347 00:16:47,669 --> 00:16:49,632 I think I need to return this sweater. 348 00:16:49,992 --> 00:16:52,677 I think it fused with my shirt in the dryer or something. 349 00:16:53,081 --> 00:16:55,347 I think that's a sweater-shirt combo. 350 00:16:57,834 --> 00:17:00,163 I think it's going pretty well with Dave. 351 00:17:00,960 --> 00:17:03,693 He wants me. I can totally tell that he wants me. 352 00:17:03,818 --> 00:17:06,215 I'm right here. You know I'm here, right? 353 00:17:08,281 --> 00:17:09,610 Did you see my bra? 354 00:17:11,721 --> 00:17:13,865 {Guess what? `}I'm wearing the hot one tomorrow, the black one. 355 00:17:14,248 --> 00:17:15,868 Can I use your bathroom? 356 00:17:16,450 --> 00:17:18,370 Are you impressed that I know what it's called? 357 00:17:18,538 --> 00:17:21,156 - {Maybe }I ought to give you a lift home. - Good. Well, in London, 358 00:17:21,281 --> 00:17:22,783 they call the elevators lifts, 359 00:17:22,908 --> 00:17:25,587 - you're gonna give me an elevator home?{ No thank you} - OK, let's go. 360 00:17:26,671 --> 00:17:28,924 Let's go down to the pub... 361 00:17:29,049 --> 00:17:30,548 - That's right. - {And }Get a pint. 362 00:17:30,673 --> 00:17:33,171 We'll put our knickers in the beatle records. 363 00:17:33,296 --> 00:17:34,636 This is an English accent. 364 00:17:34,804 --> 00:17:37,494 What I cannot believe is Dexhart's wife. 365 00:17:37,619 --> 00:17:39,371 I mean, how clueless can you get? 366 00:17:39,496 --> 00:17:42,158 How did she not know this was going on? 367 00:17:42,436 --> 00:17:44,626 More importantly, how does she stay with him 368 00:17:44,751 --> 00:17:46,001 after all this? 369 00:17:47,900 --> 00:17:50,508 Can I help you at... 370 00:17:50,633 --> 00:17:51,883 11:48 PM? 371 00:17:52,280 --> 00:17:54,698 OK, here's the whole thing. Here are all my skeletons. 372 00:17:55,207 --> 00:17:57,909 When I was 16, I had sex with a married woman. 373 00:17:58,078 --> 00:17:59,577 - Right. - When I was in college, 374 00:17:59,745 --> 00:18:01,845 I smoked a decent amount of pot. 375 00:18:02,142 --> 00:18:04,586 - Nothing insane. - What the hell are you doing? 376 00:18:04,711 --> 00:18:08,544 {What I'm doing, Ann, is }I'm trying to tell you that I've done some stuff that I'm not very proud of, 377 00:18:08,914 --> 00:18:11,423 and I like you, so I would rather you not find out about this 378 00:18:11,592 --> 00:18:13,466 from anyone but me. 379 00:18:13,591 --> 00:18:14,884 This was a bad idea. 380 00:18:15,873 --> 00:18:17,887 No, no, it's... It's fine. 381 00:18:18,361 --> 00:18:19,680 I get what this is 382 00:18:19,850 --> 00:18:21,247 and why you did it. 383 00:18:23,016 --> 00:18:25,478 Is there anything{that }you would like to share from your past 384 00:18:25,646 --> 00:18:27,326 to sort of balance the scales? 385 00:18:28,213 --> 00:18:30,350 One time, this guy rang my doorbell at midnight 386 00:18:30,475 --> 00:18:32,986 to brag about getting laid when he was 16, so I shot him. 387 00:18:33,155 --> 00:18:33,987 Good night. 388 00:18:35,791 --> 00:18:38,867 It's been a real gift making sonic love to you tonight. 389 00:18:39,738 --> 00:18:42,863 If you want more of the Duke, both my albums are for sale here... 390 00:18:42,988 --> 00:18:45,150 Smooth as Silver and Hi ho, Duke. 391 00:18:46,004 --> 00:18:47,995 And look for my new CD next month, 392 00:18:48,120 --> 00:18:50,220 Memories of Now. 393 00:18:51,118 --> 00:18:54,268 So come see me, come talk to me, come love with me, 394 00:18:54,748 --> 00:18:57,259 and maybe we can walk through fire together. 395 00:18:57,488 --> 00:18:58,750 Thank you. Good night. 396 00:19:04,633 --> 00:19:05,453 Duke! 397 00:19:05,943 --> 00:19:07,166 Huge fan. 398 00:19:12,447 --> 00:19:15,694 Look, Tom, I imagine you'll want to tell everyone about this, 399 00:19:15,864 --> 00:19:18,850 but I have worked pretty hard to cultivate a certain authoritative 400 00:19:18,975 --> 00:19:20,800 or intimidating image around the office. 401 00:19:20,925 --> 00:19:22,786 - Can I get a picture? - Sure. 402 00:19:23,269 --> 00:19:26,174 - Say, "I bested you". - I bested you. 403 00:19:27,469 --> 00:19:29,532 All right. Thanks for lovin' the Duke. 404 00:19:30,378 --> 00:19:31,461 {That was a }Lovely photo. 405 00:19:32,337 --> 00:19:34,172 - Truce? - Truce. 406 00:19:36,061 --> 00:19:38,273 - You're kidding me. - No, I'm not. 407 00:19:38,594 --> 00:19:41,757 You showed up at the guy's house, in the middle of the night, drunk, 408 00:19:42,623 --> 00:19:43,972 {and }you didn't {even }sleep with him? 409 00:19:44,141 --> 00:19:46,165 - Should I have? - It never hurts. 410 00:19:54,632 --> 00:19:57,484 You... You left quite a bit of stuff at my place last night... 411 00:19:57,609 --> 00:20:00,573 purse and earrings and a shoe. 412 00:20:00,741 --> 00:20:02,367 I am so sorry about {for what happened }last night. 413 00:20:02,536 --> 00:20:06,219 On my list of embarrassing things that I've done in my life, that was... 414 00:20:06,485 --> 00:20:08,128 numbers one through seven. 415 00:20:08,658 --> 00:20:11,292 - I {totally }understand if you want to cancel. - It's okay. 416 00:20:11,460 --> 00:20:13,711 You can make it up to me tonight on our second date. 417 00:20:14,719 --> 00:20:15,643 2nd? 418 00:20:15,941 --> 00:20:18,758 {Well, yeah, }Last night was our first date, so that would make tonight our second. 419 00:20:19,078 --> 00:20:20,559 I'm looking forward to it. 420 00:20:20,730 --> 00:20:21,645 8:00? 421 00:20:22,588 --> 00:20:23,471 8:00. 422 00:20:24,854 --> 00:20:26,474 - You like dancing? - Yeah. 423 00:20:26,997 --> 00:20:29,561 - I don't like dancing. - We don't have to go. 424 00:20:30,082 --> 00:20:32,814 Well, we went on our first date, and I didn't even know it, 425 00:20:33,218 --> 00:20:34,467 a.k.a. I nailed it. 426 00:20:35,737 --> 00:20:37,728 No fires, no ambulances. 427 00:20:38,311 --> 00:20:42,042 Just good old-fashioned showing up drunk at a guy's house late at night. 428 00:20:43,743 --> 00:20:45,960 However, I want to be clear. 429 00:20:46,878 --> 00:20:49,163 I have no plans to resign. 430 00:20:50,034 --> 00:20:53,920 Is it weird that my feelings are hurt that no one's found any dirt on me yet? 431 00:20:55,352 --> 00:20:56,302 Hello! 432 00:20:56,775 --> 00:20:59,549 {pos(192,210)}I drove a riding lawn mower through a Nordstrom! 433 00:21:00,841 --> 00:21:02,641 {pos(192,210)}There's video that I took! 434 00:21:03,088 --> 00:21:04,429 {pos(192,210)}It's on the Internet. 435 00:21:07,341 --> 00:21:08,141 Nothing. 436 00:21:09,272 --> 00:21:11,262 {pos(192,210)}Jerry, plastic surgery? 437 00:21:14,495 --> 00:21:16,345 {pos(192,210)}I got hit by a fire engine. 438 00:21:17,748 --> 00:21:19,110 {pos(192,210)}You are so lucky. 439 00:21:19,437 --> 00:21:20,331 How? 34692

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