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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,335 --> 00:00:03,127 Good morning{\, everyone}. Couple announcements. 2 00:00:03,295 --> 00:00:06,124 As we all know, Ron is recovering from his hernia surgery, 3 00:00:06,249 --> 00:00:08,164 so I got him flowers from all of us. 4 00:00:08,289 --> 00:00:10,018 So everybody needs to pitch in{\,like,} $90. 5 00:00:10,143 --> 00:00:11,330 $90? 6 00:00:12,346 --> 00:00:15,943 {\pos(192,240)}Because I ordered a beautiful bouquet of daffodils 7 00:00:16,411 --> 00:00:19,185 {\pos(192,240)}from a website after a few glasses of wine. 8 00:00:19,817 --> 00:00:22,523 {\pos(192,240)}So, Tom, I think you might be getting some daffodils too. 9 00:00:22,648 --> 00:00:24,437 {\pos(192,240)}Donna, you're definitely getting some. 10 00:00:24,562 --> 00:00:27,193 {\pos(192,240)}Jerry, I don't know, I'm not sure. Time will tell. 11 00:00:28,076 --> 00:00:29,599 Also, I'm leaving early tonight 12 00:00:29,724 --> 00:00:32,791 because I am a judge in the Miss Pawnee beauty pageant. 13 00:00:33,534 --> 00:00:34,992 You get to be a judge{\ in that thing}? 14 00:00:35,160 --> 00:00:37,662 Yes, and it's a responsibility I take very seriously. 15 00:00:37,830 --> 00:00:39,038 {\But }I want to be a judge. 16 00:00:39,206 --> 00:00:41,103 I can't believe you like beauty pageants. 17 00:00:41,708 --> 00:00:42,996 Whoever Miss Pawnee is, 18 00:00:43,121 --> 00:00:45,461 is gonna be the representative of womanhood in our town. 19 00:00:45,921 --> 00:00:47,868 And {\as a judge, }let me assure you that this year's 20 00:00:47,993 --> 00:00:50,622 Miss Pawnee will be chosen for her talent and poise. 21 00:00:50,747 --> 00:00:53,008 The girls from Talent and Poise are gonna be there? 22 00:00:53,133 --> 00:00:54,773 - What? - Talent and Poise. 23 00:00:54,898 --> 00:00:56,799 It's a strip club by the V.A. Hospital. 24 00:00:56,924 --> 00:00:59,266 - I have some meetings there. - That's disgusting. 25 00:00:59,434 --> 00:01:01,977 No, what's disgusting is the Glitter Factory. 26 00:01:02,102 --> 00:01:04,021 Do not go to the Glitter Factory. 27 00:01:39,893 --> 00:01:42,984 {\pos(110,260)}So I was just at the grind, and I thought you might want 28 00:01:43,109 --> 00:01:46,063 {\pos(110,260)}an iced mocha with extra, extra whipped cream. 29 00:01:46,574 --> 00:01:48,905 {\pos(110,260)}Oh, my. Thank you so much, April. 30 00:01:49,533 --> 00:01:50,694 {\pos(110,260)}You're welcome. 31 00:01:50,819 --> 00:01:51,944 {\pos(110,260)}By the way, 32 00:01:52,379 --> 00:01:53,833 {\pos(110,260)}completely unrelated, 33 00:01:53,958 --> 00:01:57,116 {\pos(110,270)}I just signed up for the Miss Pawnee beauty pageant. 34 00:01:57,325 --> 00:01:58,617 That's wonderful. 35 00:01:58,982 --> 00:02:01,513 That is why I decided to become a judge. 36 00:02:01,863 --> 00:02:03,609 So that awesome girls like you, 37 00:02:03,734 --> 00:02:05,916 who are not, you know, classically hot, 38 00:02:06,084 --> 00:02:08,836 can be rewarded for their intelligence and savvy. 39 00:02:09,004 --> 00:02:11,005 {\pos(110,260)}Beauty pageants are idiotic, 40 00:02:11,173 --> 00:02:13,719 {\pos(110,260)}but I found that the winner of the Miss Pawnee pageant 41 00:02:13,844 --> 00:02:15,301 {\pos(110,260)}gets $600. 42 00:02:15,469 --> 00:02:17,538 {\pos(110,260)}I can be idiotic for $600. 43 00:02:17,888 --> 00:02:20,300 So are you gonna vote for me, sister? 44 00:02:20,523 --> 00:02:23,408 {\pos(110,260)}April, it's unethical for me to show you favoritism. 45 00:02:23,922 --> 00:02:25,352 {\pos(110,260)}You and I are like family. 46 00:02:26,884 --> 00:02:29,315 - The coffee's $7. - Yes, right, of course. 47 00:02:29,955 --> 00:02:33,180 Just bump that clown. Tell him they already have an{\other} Asian judge. 48 00:02:34,363 --> 00:02:35,939 Awesome. Thank you so much. 49 00:02:36,064 --> 00:02:38,258 I owe you. A'ight, peace. 50 00:02:38,743 --> 00:02:41,619 Guess who's also gonna be a judge in the beauty pageant. 51 00:02:41,879 --> 00:02:44,038 - What? How? - I know a guy. 52 00:02:44,206 --> 00:02:45,831 I had to call in a few favors. 53 00:02:45,999 --> 00:02:48,226 But if you don't {\call in favors}do it to look at women in bikinis 54 00:02:48,351 --> 00:02:51,545 and assign them numerical grades, what the hell do you call in favors for? 55 00:02:56,483 --> 00:02:58,218 What you doing in these parts? 56 00:02:58,459 --> 00:03:01,388 I just... I came by to see the murals. 57 00:03:01,842 --> 00:03:03,328 This one's pretty amazing. 58 00:03:03,677 --> 00:03:05,017 Yeah, this one's a beauty. 59 00:03:05,442 --> 00:03:07,686 {\You know, }In the 1880s, there were a few years 60 00:03:07,854 --> 00:03:10,021 that were pretty rough and tumble in Pawnee. 61 00:03:10,315 --> 00:03:12,194 This depicts kind of a famous fight 62 00:03:12,319 --> 00:03:16,185 between reverend Bradley and Anna Beth Stevenson, 63 00:03:16,676 --> 00:03:18,030 a widowed mother of seven. 64 00:03:18,451 --> 00:03:21,367 The original title of this was "a lively fisting". 65 00:03:22,575 --> 00:03:25,204 But{\, you know,} they had to change it. For obvious reasons. 66 00:03:25,485 --> 00:03:27,441 She's got him by the hair pretty good there. 67 00:03:28,052 --> 00:03:29,431 Leslie's really cool. 68 00:03:29,556 --> 00:03:30,898 And she's smart. 69 00:03:32,093 --> 00:03:33,212 It's {\a little }intimidating. 70 00:03:34,277 --> 00:03:37,200 To tell you the truth, I didn't come here to look at the murals. 71 00:03:37,325 --> 00:03:39,043 I came to ask her on a date. 72 00:03:44,890 --> 00:03:46,475 I really... I really like you. 73 00:03:47,315 --> 00:03:48,894 And I was wondering 74 00:03:49,062 --> 00:03:51,814 if you maybe want to get a cup of coffee some time. 75 00:03:52,672 --> 00:03:53,902 Okay. Yeah, sure. 76 00:03:54,941 --> 00:03:56,193 Yeah, absolutely. 77 00:03:56,361 --> 00:03:58,101 Let me check my schedule. 78 00:03:59,114 --> 00:04:00,146 Let's see... 79 00:04:01,589 --> 00:04:03,325 Is that your grandma? 80 00:04:10,255 --> 00:04:11,542 It's Madeleine Albright. 81 00:04:12,045 --> 00:04:13,269 That's her name? 82 00:04:14,026 --> 00:04:15,295 I {\usually just }call mine nana. 83 00:04:15,599 --> 00:04:17,424 No, that's Madeleine Albright. 84 00:04:17,866 --> 00:04:19,789 First female Secretary of State. 85 00:04:22,031 --> 00:04:24,232 OK, so not... That's not your grandma then. 86 00:04:24,357 --> 00:04:25,695 All right. I got it. 87 00:04:27,186 --> 00:04:29,732 - How's that schedule looking? - Good. A couple days are free. 88 00:04:29,857 --> 00:04:31,186 Maybe we could just{\, you know}... 89 00:04:31,354 --> 00:04:34,415 - Lock it in later? Talk later about it? - Yeah, that's a good idea. 90 00:04:38,063 --> 00:04:38,944 Ladies. 91 00:04:43,426 --> 00:04:44,798 Wanna hear something awful? 92 00:04:45,288 --> 00:04:47,119 He didn't even know {\who }Madeleine Albright{\ was}. 93 00:04:47,675 --> 00:04:49,201 - Who? - Not you too. 94 00:04:49,326 --> 00:04:51,290 Madeleine Albright, 1st female Secretary of State. 95 00:04:51,458 --> 00:04:52,624 No, who didn't know? 96 00:04:53,342 --> 00:04:55,571 Dave, that cop that I met. 97 00:04:56,284 --> 00:04:59,506 I just don't know if I can date someone who doesn't share my interests. 98 00:05:00,180 --> 00:05:03,135 I mean, could you date someone who doesn't 99 00:05:03,536 --> 00:05:05,220 love giving vaccinations? 100 00:05:05,567 --> 00:05:08,223 I've never dated anyone who loves giving vaccinations. 101 00:05:13,105 --> 00:05:15,428 Weird question for you. Are you handy? 102 00:05:15,553 --> 00:05:17,191 Like, can you fix things? 103 00:05:17,359 --> 00:05:19,132 - What's broken? - My shower. 104 00:05:19,257 --> 00:05:22,357 It's leaky, low pressure, just all around terrible. 105 00:05:23,045 --> 00:05:24,990 Easy. You want me to come over after work? 106 00:05:26,474 --> 00:05:27,492 Yes, amazing. 107 00:05:27,846 --> 00:05:29,988 I will cook you a cheap, quick dinner 108 00:05:30,113 --> 00:05:32,372 - that will be no trouble at all for me. - Great. 109 00:05:32,679 --> 00:05:35,626 Well, I'll see you tonight for the weirdest second date ever. 110 00:05:35,794 --> 00:05:36,794 Okay. 111 00:05:37,420 --> 00:05:38,587 Hello, fellow judges. 112 00:05:39,380 --> 00:05:42,150 I'm judge Leslie Knope, and this is my colleague, 113 00:05:42,275 --> 00:05:44,051 Tom Haverford, who's {\also }gonna be a judge. 114 00:05:44,219 --> 00:05:46,910 Hi, Jessica Wicks, miss Pawnee 1994. 115 00:05:47,110 --> 00:05:48,652 I recognized you right away. 116 00:05:48,777 --> 00:05:52,559 And may I say that you look {\even }more beautiful now than {\you did }when you won{\ the crown}. 117 00:05:53,561 --> 00:05:54,561 I like you. 118 00:05:54,937 --> 00:05:56,980 Ray Holstead, Ray's Sandwich Place. 119 00:05:57,149 --> 00:05:58,816 Yes, of course, Ray. How do you do? 120 00:05:58,941 --> 00:06:00,103 I'm Charles Woliner. 121 00:06:00,228 --> 00:06:03,411 I've judged every Miss Pawnee pageant for the last 30 years. 122 00:06:03,703 --> 00:06:05,271 I made Jessica. 123 00:06:06,035 --> 00:06:08,718 Well, Tom and I are very happy to be here. 124 00:06:08,843 --> 00:06:10,827 And I'm sure, between the five of us, 125 00:06:10,996 --> 00:06:14,414 we will choose the most well-rounded, intelligent, modern, 126 00:06:14,583 --> 00:06:17,376 and forward-thinking woman to represent our fine town. 127 00:06:18,017 --> 00:06:19,017 Right, Tom? 128 00:06:19,583 --> 00:06:21,171 You don't believe me? Watch. 129 00:06:21,887 --> 00:06:23,956 34c, 36b, 130 00:06:24,274 --> 00:06:26,051 34b, 34d. 131 00:06:26,852 --> 00:06:28,720 32a? How'd you get in here? 132 00:06:29,596 --> 00:06:30,597 I'm kidding. 133 00:06:30,765 --> 00:06:33,016 You're perfect, each {\and every }one of you. God bless. 134 00:06:34,454 --> 00:06:37,653 Here they are, your candidates for Miss Pawnee. 135 00:06:45,655 --> 00:06:47,030 Let's meet the girls.{\, shall we?} 136 00:06:47,199 --> 00:06:49,719 First up, please welcome April Ludgate. 137 00:06:53,705 --> 00:06:56,251 Hello, I'm April Ludgate. 138 00:07:02,008 --> 00:07:03,755 I'm 20 years old, 139 00:07:04,493 --> 00:07:05,340 I like... 140 00:07:07,036 --> 00:07:08,036 People... 141 00:07:08,561 --> 00:07:09,561 Places... 142 00:07:10,675 --> 00:07:11,725 And things. 143 00:07:12,317 --> 00:07:15,434 And Pawnee is my favorite place in the world. 144 00:07:19,064 --> 00:07:21,272 Next up, please welcome Susan Gleever. 145 00:07:21,712 --> 00:07:23,399 Hi, everyone, I'm Susan. 146 00:07:23,939 --> 00:07:26,400 I'm a history major at Indiana state, 147 00:07:26,719 --> 00:07:28,279 I play classical piano, 148 00:07:28,595 --> 00:07:29,780 and I volunteer 149 00:07:30,023 --> 00:07:31,657 at the children's hospital. 150 00:07:35,288 --> 00:07:36,750 - She's good. - Next, 151 00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:38,410 Trish Ianetta. 152 00:07:43,681 --> 00:07:44,681 Hi, y'all. 153 00:07:45,064 --> 00:07:46,046 I'm Trish. 154 00:07:46,436 --> 00:07:47,685 I'm 22 years old. 155 00:07:47,810 --> 00:07:49,360 I've been on Youtube. 156 00:07:49,581 --> 00:07:51,790 I just love to hang out with my friends. 157 00:07:51,915 --> 00:07:53,012 I love to laugh. 158 00:07:53,181 --> 00:07:55,048 I love the summertime 159 00:07:55,173 --> 00:07:56,766 and going to the beach, 160 00:07:57,310 --> 00:07:59,354 and I love wearing bikinis at the beach 161 00:07:59,479 --> 00:08:00,811 with everyone there. 162 00:08:01,765 --> 00:08:03,980 {\Well, you know,}They can't all be winners. 163 00:08:04,105 --> 00:08:05,932 Are y'all having a good time? 164 00:08:12,408 --> 00:08:14,450 Looks like we got a frontrunner{\, guys}. 165 00:08:18,122 --> 00:08:20,831 And now it's time for our ever-popular talent competition 166 00:08:21,339 --> 00:08:23,288 where our ladies will each demonstrate 167 00:08:23,413 --> 00:08:24,919 their excellent skills. 168 00:08:25,437 --> 00:08:27,885 Here we have, Leslie's custom score card 169 00:08:28,283 --> 00:08:30,176 {\pos(192,250)}with categories such as 170 00:08:30,503 --> 00:08:31,581 {\pos(192,250)}presentation, 171 00:08:31,706 --> 00:08:32,805 {\pos(192,250)}intelligence, 172 00:08:32,930 --> 00:08:34,531 {\pos(192,250)}knowledge of "herstory," 173 00:08:34,876 --> 00:08:36,276 {\pos(192,250)}fruitful gestures, 174 00:08:36,504 --> 00:08:37,719 {\pos(192,250)}je ne sais quol, 175 00:08:37,980 --> 00:08:39,400 {\pos(192,250)}and something called 176 00:08:39,525 --> 00:08:41,439 {\pos(192,250)}the Naomi Wolf Factor. 177 00:08:41,979 --> 00:08:44,157 {\pos(192,250)}And our first one up is Trish Ianetta, 178 00:08:44,282 --> 00:08:45,814 whose talent is baton. 179 00:08:55,576 --> 00:08:57,345 My girl Trish is talented. 180 00:08:58,705 --> 00:09:00,470 She's not even twirling the baton. 181 00:09:04,252 --> 00:09:05,960 I'm going to do impressions. 182 00:09:06,433 --> 00:09:07,750 Celebrity impressions. 183 00:09:07,875 --> 00:09:09,506 That's wild, wild stuff. 184 00:09:14,328 --> 00:09:16,578 This is an impression of my sister. 185 00:09:18,259 --> 00:09:19,456 Hi, I'm Natalie. 186 00:09:19,581 --> 00:09:21,878 I love Ritalin and have low self-esteem. 187 00:09:29,610 --> 00:09:32,361 This is an impression of my boss, Leslie Knope. 188 00:09:33,990 --> 00:09:36,607 Women should do everything. Check out my four-color pen. 189 00:09:36,732 --> 00:09:39,444 {\Hey, everybody,}Listen up while I talk about some {\really,}really important stuff. 190 00:09:39,569 --> 00:09:41,606 Parks, parks... Michelle Obama, parks. 191 00:09:41,731 --> 00:09:43,516 Gay penguins, parks, sugar, parks. 192 00:09:44,574 --> 00:09:46,531 She got me. She got me good. 193 00:10:08,556 --> 00:10:11,151 I'm texting Trish to tell her how good she did earlier. 194 00:10:13,112 --> 00:10:14,749 Susan isn't a perfect 10. 195 00:10:15,072 --> 00:10:17,698 But, in my mind, Susan is the perfect Miss Pawnee. 196 00:10:17,994 --> 00:10:19,490 Her values are strong. 197 00:10:19,615 --> 00:10:22,001 Her commitment to her job is very admirable. 198 00:10:22,126 --> 00:10:23,926 She has a real sense of... 199 00:10:26,791 --> 00:10:27,666 Over here. 200 00:10:30,763 --> 00:10:31,879 How's it going{\ in here}? {\- Good.} 201 00:10:33,138 --> 00:10:36,092 I hooked your toilet up to your shower. That's what you wanted{\, right}? 202 00:10:37,133 --> 00:10:38,293 Excellent. 203 00:10:47,053 --> 00:10:48,203 Is that Andy? 204 00:10:58,454 --> 00:11:01,325 I know you're in there {\be}'cause I can see you through the screen. 205 00:11:09,502 --> 00:11:11,168 What's up? What are you doing? 206 00:11:12,834 --> 00:11:14,171 Do you live down here? 207 00:11:15,291 --> 00:11:16,119 What? 208 00:11:20,541 --> 00:11:21,428 My God. 209 00:11:22,051 --> 00:11:23,222 You live down here. 210 00:11:24,045 --> 00:11:26,316 I can't believe this is happening. What? 211 00:11:26,441 --> 00:11:28,810 I can't be at my house and see my ex-boyfriend 212 00:11:29,148 --> 00:11:32,235 living in a hole in my backyard like a gopher. 213 00:11:32,514 --> 00:11:34,056 That's so weird. 214 00:11:34,610 --> 00:11:36,735 {\Listen, }I have been trying really hard not to bother you. 215 00:11:37,586 --> 00:11:38,957 {\Like, }When you had that barbecue{\last week}, 216 00:11:39,082 --> 00:11:41,698 I didn't come up, even though it smelled so good. 217 00:11:41,867 --> 00:11:43,538 You've been here a whole week? 218 00:11:45,123 --> 00:11:46,588 One week only. 219 00:11:48,490 --> 00:11:51,520 I guess that's the office that you were telling me about 220 00:11:51,645 --> 00:11:54,169 - that you go {\to work }to every day{\, excellent}. - Listen. 221 00:11:54,338 --> 00:11:56,880 Are we gonna talk about anything other than the lies{\that I told you}? 222 00:11:57,049 --> 00:11:58,287 I can't do this{\ right} now. 223 00:11:58,412 --> 00:12:00,176 I've a guy fixing my bathroom. 224 00:12:00,301 --> 00:12:01,401 I got to go. 225 00:12:01,667 --> 00:12:04,555 {\That's cool. }I got to zoom out too. 'cause I have some people coming over, 226 00:12:04,724 --> 00:12:07,018 so why don't you call first, next time? 227 00:12:07,397 --> 00:12:08,707 You know the way out. 228 00:12:09,938 --> 00:12:12,956 {\All right, }It's time now for the dreaded q&a. 229 00:12:13,355 --> 00:12:15,942 And the first question goes to Tom Haverford. 230 00:12:16,152 --> 00:12:17,734 I have {\a question}one for the hot one. 231 00:12:19,441 --> 00:12:22,441 First off, I just want to say I'm a little bit surprised 232 00:12:22,809 --> 00:12:24,866 because I didn't think angels could fly so low. 233 00:12:27,305 --> 00:12:30,243 You truly are a beautiful{\, beautiful} woman. 234 00:12:31,795 --> 00:12:32,916 You're so funny. 235 00:12:33,285 --> 00:12:34,435 You're funny. 236 00:12:36,372 --> 00:12:37,629 Do you have a question{\, Tom}? 237 00:12:37,798 --> 00:12:39,798 I actually have a real question. 238 00:12:39,967 --> 00:12:41,136 If you don't mind{\, tom}. 239 00:12:42,415 --> 00:12:45,444 Alexis De Tocqueville called America the great experiment. 240 00:12:45,835 --> 00:12:48,859 What can we do as citizens to improve on that experiment? 241 00:12:52,216 --> 00:12:54,243 I think that America 242 00:12:54,817 --> 00:12:57,056 is the land of the free, 243 00:12:57,536 --> 00:12:59,402 which is a wonderful thing. 244 00:12:59,908 --> 00:13:01,499 And also the brave, 245 00:13:01,624 --> 00:13:03,224 where people can live. 246 00:13:03,699 --> 00:13:06,875 And no one can ever take that away from you. 247 00:13:07,187 --> 00:13:08,714 And it never gives up. 248 00:13:09,341 --> 00:13:12,832 But the high birthing rate of immigrants frightens me. 249 00:13:13,263 --> 00:13:14,916 No offense to anyone out there, 250 00:13:15,085 --> 00:13:17,670 but if it were up to me and my family, 251 00:13:18,075 --> 00:13:21,257 I would actually call it our America and not their America. 252 00:13:24,967 --> 00:13:26,094 Don't applaud that. 253 00:13:26,263 --> 00:13:28,513 Don't. She didn't answer my question. 254 00:13:29,829 --> 00:13:31,308 {\I'm sorry, }You don't think it's weird 255 00:13:31,477 --> 00:13:35,004 that my ex-boyfriend lives in a tent in the pit outside my house? 256 00:13:35,627 --> 00:13:36,634 It's not... 257 00:13:37,279 --> 00:13:38,099 Ideal. 258 00:13:39,548 --> 00:13:41,552 Maybe you should try to relax, maybe... 259 00:13:41,857 --> 00:13:44,155 Take one {\of those }atavin I saw in the medicine cabinet. 260 00:13:44,802 --> 00:13:45,511 Dude. 261 00:13:45,636 --> 00:13:47,699 {\Yeah, }I peeked. I also didn't see any toothpaste. 262 00:13:47,868 --> 00:13:50,911 - Do you not use toothpaste? - {\I mean, }I always knew he was lazy, 263 00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:53,866 but this is like a new low for him. 264 00:13:55,793 --> 00:13:57,335 {\I feel like}We should invite him inside. 265 00:13:57,887 --> 00:13:59,987 Have you not been listening to anything{\ I just said}? 266 00:14:00,112 --> 00:14:02,297 I don't know. It's raining outside. 267 00:14:02,587 --> 00:14:04,675 And he's living in a pit. 268 00:14:08,306 --> 00:14:12,016 Folks, just a couple more contestants, and then the judges will decide 269 00:14:12,184 --> 00:14:13,382 our next Miss Pawnee, 270 00:14:13,507 --> 00:14:16,285 a winner of $600 in gift certificates 271 00:14:16,410 --> 00:14:19,649 to Big Archie's Sporting Goods and Emerson Fencing Company. 272 00:14:20,067 --> 00:14:22,763 What? We don't get cash? This is for a fence? 273 00:14:22,945 --> 00:14:26,155 It won't cover a whole fence, but it'll defray the cost considerably. 274 00:14:26,366 --> 00:14:27,548 Oh, my God. 275 00:14:29,856 --> 00:14:30,743 I quit. 276 00:14:31,505 --> 00:14:32,370 I quit. 277 00:14:35,458 --> 00:14:37,738 Okay. I guess she really is quitting. 278 00:14:37,905 --> 00:14:39,001 No, I didn't win. 279 00:14:39,675 --> 00:14:42,839 But at least I didn't make any new friendships. 280 00:14:43,348 --> 00:14:45,801 So how long do we have to pretend to deliberate 281 00:14:45,926 --> 00:14:47,725 till we get back out there? 282 00:14:50,084 --> 00:14:52,372 - What do you mean? - We're all in agreement. 283 00:14:52,790 --> 00:14:55,587 - The hot one, by a landslide. - Well, her name is Trish, 284 00:14:55,983 --> 00:14:57,833 and I don't think we should rush this. 285 00:14:57,958 --> 00:15:01,639 What is there to talk about? {\I mean, }I thought Trish was just adorable. 286 00:15:02,067 --> 00:15:05,697 - Take Susan, for example. I think... - Susan "boring stories"? 287 00:15:05,864 --> 00:15:08,214 It's Trish. Let's go back out there. 288 00:15:09,091 --> 00:15:10,366 Okay, hold on, everyone. 289 00:15:10,534 --> 00:15:12,616 Hold on. Everyone, wait, wait. 290 00:15:13,419 --> 00:15:16,156 Look, whoever we choose is gonna represent 291 00:15:16,281 --> 00:15:18,174 the ideal woman for a year. 292 00:15:18,341 --> 00:15:21,877 She'll be someone that little girls in south-central Indiana look up to. 293 00:15:22,131 --> 00:15:25,339 Now nobody leaves this room until we discuss all of it, okay? 294 00:15:25,955 --> 00:15:27,908 Consider yourselves sequestered. 295 00:15:28,177 --> 00:15:30,822 I'm a judge, so I don't want to sound partial, 296 00:15:31,224 --> 00:15:34,088 but Trish will win this pageant over my dead body. 297 00:15:37,519 --> 00:15:38,936 Look, I'm the only one here 298 00:15:39,377 --> 00:15:42,189 who has entered and won this contest in the past. 299 00:15:42,928 --> 00:15:44,734 And I think Trish is a no-brainer. 300 00:15:44,998 --> 00:15:47,069 Jessica, may I ask, what was your talent? 301 00:15:47,237 --> 00:15:48,728 I packed a suitcase. 302 00:15:49,100 --> 00:15:51,699 I have to say, Leslie does make a good point. 303 00:15:52,032 --> 00:15:54,241 Trish is not the brightest bulb in the bunch. 304 00:15:54,408 --> 00:15:57,538 {\Yes, }Ray, good. I like what you're saying. Let's keep talking. 305 00:15:57,706 --> 00:16:00,993 {\pos(192,240)}Just stand over there, and don't drip on anything. 306 00:16:07,700 --> 00:16:10,217 {\pos(192,240)}Is Mark the guy who's fixing your shower? 307 00:16:10,879 --> 00:16:13,773 {\pos(192,240)}I don't know about you, Mark, but I've seen a ton of porn, 308 00:16:13,898 --> 00:16:16,307 and I know what fixing your shower means. 309 00:16:17,476 --> 00:16:19,324 Sorry, you are on a date. That's cool. 310 00:16:19,618 --> 00:16:20,901 No, it's all right. 311 00:16:21,240 --> 00:16:22,813 Don't let me interrupt your date. 312 00:16:23,450 --> 00:16:25,547 - Dig in. - I already ate. I'm super full. 313 00:16:25,672 --> 00:16:27,672 I don't... I didn't want any. 314 00:16:29,029 --> 00:16:31,703 Okay, so it's still 3-2 for Trish. 315 00:16:32,030 --> 00:16:33,859 Guys, all I ask 316 00:16:34,396 --> 00:16:36,362 is that you look into your hearts 317 00:16:36,529 --> 00:16:38,996 and think, really think, about what you've seen 318 00:16:40,540 --> 00:16:41,957 and ask yourselves, 319 00:16:42,125 --> 00:16:44,293 who is the most impressive woman here tonight? 320 00:16:46,296 --> 00:16:48,514 It's the hot one, Trish ianetta. 321 00:17:00,491 --> 00:17:02,314 These are amazing. Do you... 322 00:17:02,439 --> 00:17:04,694 Do you put a lot of hot sauce on these or something? 323 00:17:04,861 --> 00:17:07,001 A good chef never reveals her secrets. 324 00:17:07,126 --> 00:17:08,234 It's hot sauce. 325 00:17:10,924 --> 00:17:13,185 Ann is an extraordinary cook. 326 00:17:16,469 --> 00:17:17,527 Memories. 327 00:17:18,281 --> 00:17:20,273 Do you want some more? Are you hungry still? 328 00:17:20,398 --> 00:17:21,645 You know what's funny? 329 00:17:21,770 --> 00:17:24,292 I was sitting over here on the couch, and I was thinking 330 00:17:24,417 --> 00:17:26,502 that there was once a time when Mark used to be 331 00:17:26,670 --> 00:17:28,128 the stranger in the house. 332 00:17:28,520 --> 00:17:29,547 And now it's me. 333 00:17:35,971 --> 00:17:37,400 Excuse me, everyone. 334 00:17:37,697 --> 00:17:40,303 Why don't we take a moment to give a round of applause 335 00:17:40,428 --> 00:17:42,544 to all the contestants this evening? 336 00:17:44,181 --> 00:17:45,563 Especially Susan. 337 00:17:47,041 --> 00:17:51,045 This isn't the first time that Susans have lost to Trishes. 338 00:17:51,972 --> 00:17:53,553 And it won't be the last. 339 00:17:54,281 --> 00:17:56,379 Susan and I will continue on 340 00:17:56,651 --> 00:18:00,655 until the women of Pawnee are judged not by the flatness of their tummies, 341 00:18:01,214 --> 00:18:03,831 but by the contents of their brains. 342 00:18:05,285 --> 00:18:06,387 And, Trish, 343 00:18:07,696 --> 00:18:09,295 I may not have voted for you, 344 00:18:09,546 --> 00:18:11,212 but now is a time 345 00:18:11,337 --> 00:18:12,893 for us to come together. 346 00:18:13,650 --> 00:18:16,300 I hope you honor this crown with dignity 347 00:18:16,470 --> 00:18:17,826 and a devotion to... 348 00:18:19,367 --> 00:18:21,480 One, two, three. 349 00:18:27,404 --> 00:18:29,398 As usual, Ann, delicious meal. 350 00:18:30,421 --> 00:18:33,027 Are we doing anything in the way of dessert or coffee? 351 00:18:33,530 --> 00:18:34,780 We are leaving. 352 00:18:36,025 --> 00:18:37,275 Okay, I get it. 353 00:18:38,742 --> 00:18:41,648 Don't worry. I'm very good at picking up signals. 354 00:18:42,577 --> 00:18:45,331 - Let's go, Mark. - No, dummy, just you. 355 00:18:45,697 --> 00:18:46,415 Okay. 356 00:18:46,758 --> 00:18:47,758 All right. 357 00:18:49,787 --> 00:18:51,170 Take care of yourself. 358 00:18:53,308 --> 00:18:55,564 Just don't worry about me, Ann. Okay? 359 00:18:57,409 --> 00:18:58,420 I'll be fine. 360 00:19:02,098 --> 00:19:05,123 That went really well! 361 00:19:06,039 --> 00:19:07,185 We had dinner, 362 00:19:07,352 --> 00:19:08,911 I got to see her. 363 00:19:09,036 --> 00:19:11,281 Oh, God, I was so tempted to look back at her. 364 00:19:11,406 --> 00:19:12,706 Was she looking? 365 00:19:13,059 --> 00:19:14,589 I had to walk so slow. 366 00:19:16,586 --> 00:19:18,015 A good day. 367 00:19:21,034 --> 00:19:22,596 Well, well, look who's here. 368 00:19:22,763 --> 00:19:24,158 It's officer John McClane. 369 00:19:24,325 --> 00:19:26,080 Welcome to the party, pal. 370 00:19:26,331 --> 00:19:28,121 - Who's that? - Die hard. 371 00:19:28,709 --> 00:19:31,085 - Battery? - Hey, what are you doing here? 372 00:19:31,252 --> 00:19:34,171 The other day I asked you if you wanted to have coffee? 373 00:19:34,724 --> 00:19:35,706 You said yes. 374 00:19:36,049 --> 00:19:38,462 And then afterwards, I saw you again, 375 00:19:39,341 --> 00:19:41,274 you {\kind of }acted like you didn't want to {\have coffee }anymore. 376 00:19:41,399 --> 00:19:43,013 We left it kind of open-ended.{\- We did.} 377 00:19:43,181 --> 00:19:45,290 - And that's made me uncomfortable. - OK. 378 00:19:45,415 --> 00:19:48,628 So I thought I'd come in and ask you. Just get some clearance on this. 379 00:19:48,753 --> 00:19:50,771 - Dave, I like you. - I like you too. 380 00:19:50,939 --> 00:19:52,898 Okay, so, we'll get coffee then. 381 00:19:53,152 --> 00:19:54,552 But I'm just busy. 382 00:19:55,198 --> 00:19:57,041 Right now, my schedule's just so... 383 00:19:58,839 --> 00:20:00,311 Okay. Okay, I get it. 384 00:20:00,865 --> 00:20:02,969 Look, I'm not a guy who plays games. 385 00:20:03,136 --> 00:20:06,157 Okay, I just came to tell you that I like you, and I like coffee, 386 00:20:06,604 --> 00:20:08,546 and if you want to get some coffee, just... 387 00:20:08,754 --> 00:20:09,998 Here's my number. 388 00:20:12,050 --> 00:20:13,433 Coming through, buddy. 389 00:20:22,426 --> 00:20:23,804 I got your message. 390 00:20:25,116 --> 00:20:26,330 Thanks for coming. 391 00:20:26,455 --> 00:20:28,517 Look, I'd love to go out with you. 392 00:20:28,769 --> 00:20:31,579 - How about Friday for dinner? - Yeah? Great. 393 00:20:32,590 --> 00:20:36,556 Will Sandra Day O'Connor and Michelle Obama 394 00:20:37,022 --> 00:20:39,572 and Condoleezza Rice and Nancy Pelosi... 395 00:20:40,701 --> 00:20:42,054 Are they gonna join us? 396 00:20:42,573 --> 00:20:43,948 No, they {\will not be joining us}won't. 397 00:20:44,073 --> 00:20:47,273 Good, 'cause I don't happen to agree with Miss Pelosi's views 398 00:20:47,398 --> 00:20:50,581 about the troubled assets relief program. 399 00:20:52,183 --> 00:20:54,924 - I looked that up to impress you. - I figured. 400 00:20:58,089 --> 00:21:00,465 Use my grill, let me do you a favor. 401 00:21:00,633 --> 00:21:03,547 {\pos(290,260)}Take a key, just come by, grill up whatever you want. 402 00:21:03,752 --> 00:21:05,637 {\pos(290,260)}This is one of my favorite pick-up strategies. 403 00:21:05,805 --> 00:21:07,510 {\pos(192,210)}I'm constantly giving women my keys. 404 00:21:07,635 --> 00:21:10,100 {\pos(192,210)}- This is your house key? - {\Yeah, }I just happen to have a spare. 405 00:21:10,268 --> 00:21:11,532 Come by{\, go for a dip} whenever you want. 406 00:21:11,796 --> 00:21:13,437 So far, none of 'em have shown up. 407 00:21:13,605 --> 00:21:16,815 {\pos(192,210)}That's a very appealing offer. Thank you. 408 00:21:17,232 --> 00:21:18,233 {\pos(280,260)}Matter of time. 409 00:21:18,660 --> 00:21:19,660 Hey, Craig. 410 00:21:21,219 --> 00:21:23,739 {\pos(192,210)}- 50 more copies, please. - You got it. 411 00:21:24,842 --> 00:21:26,283 {\pos(192,210)}I have been robbed twice. 31491

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