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1
00:02:36,483 --> 00:02:38,944
Clark Griswold.
I'm trading my wife's old car in.
2
00:02:40,779 --> 00:02:43,115
Say goodbye
to the old gas-guzzler, Russ.
3
00:02:43,282 --> 00:02:44,825
See you later.
4
00:02:44,992 --> 00:02:46,535
Pretty exciting, isn't it, Rusty?
5
00:02:46,702 --> 00:02:49,580
- What's that, Dad?
- Picking up the new car.
6
00:02:50,122 --> 00:02:52,541
Yeah, you can't wait, can you?
7
00:02:52,833 --> 00:02:54,960
- Hi there, Ed.
- Good to see you, Mr. Griswold.
8
00:02:55,127 --> 00:02:57,421
- How're you doing? Ruben, right?
- Rusty.
9
00:02:57,588 --> 00:02:59,464
- Okay.
- Look at him. He can't wait.
10
00:02:59,631 --> 00:03:01,341
So did you bring your trade-in?
11
00:03:01,508 --> 00:03:04,261
Yeah, a guy just took it away
a couple of seconds ago.
12
00:03:04,428 --> 00:03:05,846
- Let's get to it, then.
- Okay.
13
00:03:06,013 --> 00:03:08,724
We were afraid the new one
wouldn't come in yet.
14
00:03:08,891 --> 00:03:12,352
On our way to California. The big vacation,
the whole family, Walley World.
15
00:03:12,519 --> 00:03:14,813
- Walley World? Very exciting, Clyde.
- Clark.
16
00:03:14,980 --> 00:03:17,441
Well, there she is.
17
00:03:17,608 --> 00:03:18,650
Where?
18
00:03:18,817 --> 00:03:20,569
Right here. The wagon.
19
00:03:20,736 --> 00:03:23,280
Dad, this is not the car you ordered.
20
00:03:23,447 --> 00:03:27,534
Take it easy, Rusty.
Ed, this is not the car I ordered.
21
00:03:28,535 --> 00:03:31,830
I distinctly ordered
the Antarctic Blue Super Sportswagon...
22
00:03:31,997 --> 00:03:34,499
...with the CB
and the optional Rally fun pack.
23
00:03:35,584 --> 00:03:37,461
You didn't order the Metallic Pea?
24
00:03:37,961 --> 00:03:41,340
Metallic Pea? No, Antarctic Blue.
25
00:03:41,506 --> 00:03:44,843
The Sportswagon.
This isn't even the right model.
26
00:03:45,135 --> 00:03:47,512
I think you're right.
I don't think this is the car.
27
00:03:47,679 --> 00:03:49,681
This is the new
Wagonqueen Family Truckster.
28
00:03:49,848 --> 00:03:53,352
This is a damn fine automobile,
if you want my honest opinion.
29
00:03:53,518 --> 00:03:55,354
Beats the hell
out of the Sportswagon.
30
00:03:55,520 --> 00:03:57,189
But I want to make you happy.
31
00:03:57,356 --> 00:03:58,565
Davenport.
32
00:03:58,732 --> 00:04:00,484
I'll get to the bottom of this.
33
00:04:00,651 --> 00:04:01,944
Yes, Mr. Ed?
34
00:04:02,110 --> 00:04:05,113
Mr. Griswold ordered a blue Sportswagon.
Where is it?
35
00:04:05,280 --> 00:04:07,157
I don't know, sir.
36
00:04:09,743 --> 00:04:12,245
I know what must have happened.
37
00:04:12,913 --> 00:04:13,997
It didn't come in.
38
00:04:14,164 --> 00:04:19,711
Ed, I'm not your ordinary,
everyday fool. Okay?
39
00:04:19,878 --> 00:04:23,131
Now, I'd like my Antarctic Blue
Super Sportswagon right now.
40
00:04:23,298 --> 00:04:26,885
If you can't get it for me,
I'm gonna take my business elsewhere.
41
00:04:27,260 --> 00:04:28,303
Where's my old car?
42
00:04:32,641 --> 00:04:34,935
I'm just as upset as you are. Believe me.
43
00:04:35,102 --> 00:04:36,728
Davenport.
44
00:04:36,895 --> 00:04:40,315
Get Mr. Griswold's car back.
Bring it back here.
45
00:04:46,029 --> 00:04:49,950
I can get you the wagon, no problem.
The problem is, it might take six weeks.
46
00:04:50,784 --> 00:04:52,911
I owe it to myself
to tell you, Mr. Griswold...
47
00:04:53,078 --> 00:04:55,747
...if you're thinking of taking
the tribe cross-country...
48
00:04:55,914 --> 00:04:58,041
...this is the automobile
you should be using.
49
00:04:58,208 --> 00:05:00,210
The Wagonqueen Family Truckster.
50
00:05:00,377 --> 00:05:03,046
You think you hate it now,
but wait until you drive it.
51
00:05:03,213 --> 00:05:06,633
I don't want to drive it.
I just want my old car back, okay?
52
00:05:06,800 --> 00:05:10,929
I'm not falling for this bit.
No way. Let's go, Russ.
53
00:05:43,795 --> 00:05:45,422
Clark, is that the right car?
54
00:05:45,589 --> 00:05:48,633
No, it isn't, honey. I changed my mind.
55
00:05:48,800 --> 00:05:51,595
They flattened our old car like a pancake.
56
00:05:51,762 --> 00:05:55,015
Are you serious?
Is this really our car, Dad?
57
00:05:55,182 --> 00:05:58,268
What happened? I thought we were
gonna get the little Sports thing.
58
00:05:58,435 --> 00:06:01,021
Oh, no. The Sportswagon's
much too small.
59
00:06:01,188 --> 00:06:03,315
Besides, I got a great deal on this one.
60
00:06:03,482 --> 00:06:07,110
Let me tell you, if we're taking
the whole tribe across country...
61
00:06:07,277 --> 00:06:09,863
...believe me, this is your automobile.
62
00:06:11,323 --> 00:06:12,949
Why is it still running?
63
00:06:13,116 --> 00:06:14,618
Oh, all new cars do that.
64
00:06:14,785 --> 00:06:16,244
I'll take care of that in a second.
65
00:06:19,414 --> 00:06:22,959
You may think you hate it now, honey,
but wait until you drive it.
66
00:06:24,503 --> 00:06:26,671
Whoa! An air bag.
67
00:06:26,838 --> 00:06:30,092
You know, Clark, it's not too late
to fly out to California.
68
00:06:30,258 --> 00:06:31,510
We only have two weeks.
69
00:06:31,676 --> 00:06:34,679
Let's not get into that again,
sweetie pie. Please?
70
00:06:34,846 --> 00:06:38,725
Lots of families fly, Clark.
Especially cross-country.
71
00:06:38,892 --> 00:06:42,854
The whole idea of a family vacation
is to spend time together as a family.
72
00:06:43,021 --> 00:06:45,440
You get on an airplane,
you put on your earphones...
73
00:06:45,607 --> 00:06:47,776
...and you're lost in your own world.
74
00:06:47,943 --> 00:06:50,153
It's an awfully long ride, Clark.
75
00:06:50,320 --> 00:06:52,531
I'm looking forward
to an awfully long ride.
76
00:06:52,697 --> 00:06:57,160
You get to see the kids all the time.
I see them two minutes in the morning...
77
00:06:57,327 --> 00:07:00,747
...two minutes in the evening.
Maybe three hours on the weekend.
78
00:07:00,914 --> 00:07:04,960
Sheesh. One of these days I'm gonna
get up and realize that my little babies...
79
00:07:05,127 --> 00:07:07,170
...are all grown up. And then what?
80
00:07:07,838 --> 00:07:11,341
I just thought it might be easier to fly.
81
00:07:11,508 --> 00:07:14,719
Nothing worthwhile is easy, Ellen.
82
00:07:14,886 --> 00:07:16,888
We know that.
83
00:07:17,055 --> 00:07:18,181
Kids?
84
00:07:19,599 --> 00:07:21,309
Who wants to see the triptych?
85
00:07:21,476 --> 00:07:23,061
What? Dad, we're playing.
86
00:07:23,228 --> 00:07:27,065
Okay, shut off the video games.
Come on, Russ. Shut it off.
87
00:07:27,232 --> 00:07:30,443
I know you'll enjoy this.
I worked out the trip on the computer...
88
00:07:30,610 --> 00:07:33,488
...So we get the maximum amount
of fun time at Walley World...
89
00:07:33,655 --> 00:07:36,449
...without missing any of the good stuff
along the way.
90
00:07:36,616 --> 00:07:38,160
Here we go. There's us.
91
00:07:38,326 --> 00:07:39,744
And there's Walley World.
92
00:07:41,329 --> 00:07:43,498
Let's just take a look at Day One.
Shall we?
93
00:07:43,665 --> 00:07:46,376
Honey, come on in.
We're gonna do Day One.
94
00:07:50,755 --> 00:07:54,926
Okay, now there's the Family Truckster
as we leave Chicago.
95
00:07:59,973 --> 00:08:02,392
Rusty, please, do not eat the Truckster.
96
00:08:03,727 --> 00:08:07,564
Russ, do you mind? I'm trying to work
this out here on the computer. Please.
97
00:08:09,191 --> 00:08:13,069
Okay, Audrey. Thank you, Audrey.
That's just great.
98
00:08:14,279 --> 00:08:16,031
Look out, Dad, here I come.
99
00:08:16,198 --> 00:08:17,782
All right, that's enough, Russ.
100
00:08:17,949 --> 00:08:19,993
Okay. Now, I think we're moving towards--
101
00:08:20,160 --> 00:08:22,120
Thank you. Good shot, Audrey.
102
00:08:22,287 --> 00:08:24,831
Dad, I forgot. Why aren't we flying?
103
00:08:24,998 --> 00:08:28,793
Why aren't we flying? Because getting there
is half the fun. You know that.
104
00:08:31,129 --> 00:08:33,715
I turned off the water,
the stove, the heat and the air.
105
00:08:33,882 --> 00:08:36,509
Locked the door, notified the police,
stopped the papers.
106
00:08:36,676 --> 00:08:38,094
I called to get the grass cut.
107
00:08:38,261 --> 00:08:40,805
Did I put the timers
on the living-room lights?
108
00:08:40,972 --> 00:08:42,807
Oh, and don't forget the mail.
109
00:08:42,974 --> 00:08:45,477
- Watch that elbow. Keep your arm straight.
- Bye!
110
00:08:47,395 --> 00:08:48,563
- Bye!
- So long.
111
00:08:48,730 --> 00:08:53,109
- Drive careful now, Clark.
- Watch out for the Indians, Clark.
112
00:08:53,276 --> 00:08:55,487
Watch those freeways.
113
00:08:55,654 --> 00:08:56,988
Oh, goodbye.
114
00:08:57,155 --> 00:08:58,949
Oh, I know I've forgotten something.
115
00:08:59,908 --> 00:09:01,326
Walley World, here we come.
116
00:09:47,580 --> 00:09:49,874
- Come on, kids.
- We don't know any of your songs.
117
00:09:50,041 --> 00:09:53,044
- Dad, is that made-up? It sounds made-up.
- Okay, I got one.
118
00:09:53,211 --> 00:09:57,549
How about The Walley World
National Anthem? Huh?
119
00:09:58,341 --> 00:09:59,843
- Okay, okay, you start.
- Ahem.
120
00:10:35,462 --> 00:10:36,588
Yuck!
121
00:10:36,755 --> 00:10:37,922
That's me.
122
00:10:40,425 --> 00:10:42,302
All right. That's more like it.
123
00:10:42,469 --> 00:10:43,678
Here's one you don't know.
124
00:10:43,845 --> 00:10:46,931
We used to sing it when you were kids.
You're gonna like this. Ah...
125
00:11:30,642 --> 00:11:32,227
What smells in here, honey?
126
00:11:33,228 --> 00:11:35,230
Russ. Russ. Your feet.
127
00:12:31,995 --> 00:12:35,165
Clark, isn't this the gas tank?
128
00:12:35,331 --> 00:12:36,708
Yes, I know, honey.
129
00:12:36,875 --> 00:12:40,837
Get in the car.
I'm just fixing the license plate here.
130
00:12:46,176 --> 00:12:47,427
Hey, see that, kids?
131
00:12:47,594 --> 00:12:50,722
That's the St. Louis Arch.
The Gateway to the West.
132
00:12:50,889 --> 00:12:54,642
It's over 600-feet tall, and there's
an elevator all the way to the top.
133
00:12:54,809 --> 00:12:56,644
That's 60 stories to you and me.
134
00:12:56,811 --> 00:12:59,981
- Wow, Dad, can we go up on it?
- No.
135
00:13:00,148 --> 00:13:01,816
Dad, what river is this?
136
00:13:01,983 --> 00:13:04,736
That's the Mississippi.
The mighty Mississip.
137
00:13:06,154 --> 00:13:09,991
The Old Miss. The Old Man.
138
00:13:19,417 --> 00:13:21,878
Clark, I think this is the wrong exit.
139
00:13:22,045 --> 00:13:25,089
What's the difference,
as long as we get across the river?
140
00:13:35,475 --> 00:13:37,644
Clark? What are you doing?
141
00:13:37,810 --> 00:13:40,605
- Just relax, Ellen.
- This is so dangerous.
142
00:13:40,772 --> 00:13:43,566
We have no business
being in an area like this.
143
00:13:43,733 --> 00:13:44,943
Well, look at it this way.
144
00:13:45,109 --> 00:13:47,278
This is a part of America
we never get to see.
145
00:13:47,445 --> 00:13:49,447
- That's good.
- No, that's bad.
146
00:13:49,614 --> 00:13:52,867
I mean, we can't close our eyes
to the plight of the cities.
147
00:13:53,034 --> 00:13:55,578
Kids, you noticing all this plight?
148
00:13:56,371 --> 00:13:58,456
This will just make us appreciate
what we have.
149
00:14:00,291 --> 00:14:01,626
Roll them up.
150
00:14:08,716 --> 00:14:11,636
I'd better ask these fellas
how to get back on the expressway.
151
00:14:14,264 --> 00:14:15,682
Pardon me.
152
00:14:15,848 --> 00:14:19,143
I wonder if you could tell me
how to get back on the expressway?
153
00:14:19,310 --> 00:14:22,313
- Fuck your mama.
- Thank you very much.
154
00:14:27,068 --> 00:14:29,404
Hey, Darnell, check out this Truckster.
155
00:14:29,571 --> 00:14:30,863
It's a Truckster.
156
00:14:31,030 --> 00:14:32,991
With a luggage rack.
157
00:14:35,493 --> 00:14:39,080
Hey, excuse me, homes? Heh-heh. Aha.
158
00:14:39,247 --> 00:14:42,417
What it is, bro. We're from out of town.
159
00:14:42,584 --> 00:14:43,626
No shit?
160
00:14:44,043 --> 00:14:46,754
I'd really appreciate it
if you could give me directions...
161
00:14:46,921 --> 00:14:48,715
...back onto the expressway.
162
00:14:48,881 --> 00:14:51,676
- What? For free?
- Sure.
163
00:14:51,843 --> 00:14:53,761
Five dollars.
164
00:14:53,928 --> 00:14:57,599
- I'm not gonna give you $5 for directions.
- I think that's fair, Clark.
165
00:15:00,351 --> 00:15:01,811
Okay. Here's $10.
166
00:15:01,978 --> 00:15:03,855
Thank you.
167
00:15:06,065 --> 00:15:07,108
Keep the change.
168
00:15:07,275 --> 00:15:10,528
Okay. Now, you see which way
you're pointing, right?
169
00:15:10,695 --> 00:15:12,196
- Yeah.
- Yeah, okay, that's good.
170
00:15:12,363 --> 00:15:13,781
Because, you see that place?
171
00:15:13,948 --> 00:15:17,160
- Yeah.
- Uh-huh. You see where it say, "Rib Tips"?
172
00:15:17,327 --> 00:15:18,536
- Rib Tips.
- Mm-hm. Fuck that.
173
00:15:18,703 --> 00:15:20,496
You don't want to go that way.
174
00:15:20,663 --> 00:15:22,624
I wonder if these guys
know the Commodores.
175
00:15:22,790 --> 00:15:25,293
You gonna go all the way down
about half a block...
176
00:15:25,460 --> 00:15:28,046
...and you'll see a Torino
with no wheels on it.
177
00:15:28,212 --> 00:15:31,132
Inside that Torino is my cousin, Jackie.
178
00:15:31,299 --> 00:15:33,551
You tell him that you're my boy,
and you're lost.
179
00:15:33,718 --> 00:15:35,720
He'll make sure
you get where you're going.
180
00:15:35,887 --> 00:15:38,806
You don't want to know from me.
This ain't my neighborhood.
181
00:15:38,973 --> 00:15:41,684
I'm from the west side of Chicago,
here on vacation.
182
00:15:41,851 --> 00:15:44,395
Thanks a lot. You've been a great help.
183
00:15:51,569 --> 00:15:53,029
- Honey?
- Hmm.
184
00:15:54,947 --> 00:15:56,866
This reminds me of the time in college...
185
00:15:57,033 --> 00:15:59,911
...when we drove down to Fort Lauderdale
in my Austin-Healy.
186
00:16:00,078 --> 00:16:03,581
I haven't thought about that
for a long time.
187
00:16:04,874 --> 00:16:07,001
Remember what we did in the car?
188
00:16:07,168 --> 00:16:10,380
It's amazing we didn't get in an accident.
189
00:16:10,546 --> 00:16:12,173
Want to relive a fond memory?
190
00:16:12,340 --> 00:16:14,217
Are you serious?
191
00:16:14,384 --> 00:16:16,636
- No.
- Why not?
192
00:16:16,803 --> 00:16:19,347
Because, that's why.
193
00:16:20,348 --> 00:16:21,599
The kids are asleep.
194
00:16:21,766 --> 00:16:26,020
Let's just wait until we get to a motel.
195
00:16:28,356 --> 00:16:32,610
Okay, we'll wait.
I gotta find the best one on the road.
196
00:16:33,111 --> 00:16:34,946
Do you want to put your head in my lap?
197
00:16:35,113 --> 00:16:37,115
That's not what I was thinking.
198
00:16:38,950 --> 00:16:41,661
The wheel. Let me get this.
199
00:16:41,828 --> 00:16:44,372
There you go, move it out of your way.
200
00:16:44,539 --> 00:16:46,165
Comfy?
201
00:16:48,209 --> 00:16:49,627
Clark?
202
00:16:49,794 --> 00:16:52,296
Clark, my head's stuck.
203
00:16:55,341 --> 00:16:57,385
Clark, quit kidding around. It hurts.
204
00:16:57,552 --> 00:16:59,011
It's stuck.
205
00:16:59,178 --> 00:17:01,848
Cut it out.
206
00:17:02,557 --> 00:17:06,102
I know what you're trying to do,
and I think it's sick.
207
00:17:07,979 --> 00:17:09,856
The wheel's stuck.
208
00:17:11,482 --> 00:17:13,276
That was a dirty trick.
209
00:17:13,443 --> 00:17:15,111
The damn wheel is all screwed up.
210
00:17:15,278 --> 00:17:17,739
You're tired.
You get weird when you get tired.
211
00:17:17,905 --> 00:17:21,909
Let's just find a motel.
I don't want you dozing off.
212
00:17:22,076 --> 00:17:24,829
I'm not tired. Are you kidding?
213
00:17:25,163 --> 00:17:27,832
I could go another 100 miles. Come on.
214
00:17:27,999 --> 00:17:29,834
No problem.
215
00:18:37,151 --> 00:18:42,615
Sparky, why don't you turn off the TV
and come to bed?
216
00:18:43,741 --> 00:18:45,868
Okay, honey.
217
00:19:05,304 --> 00:19:07,974
Well, up and at them. We're here.
218
00:19:32,665 --> 00:19:34,458
Clark.
219
00:19:34,959 --> 00:19:37,795
- Can I do your back, honey?
- I've already done my back.
220
00:19:37,962 --> 00:19:39,338
Can I do your front?
221
00:19:39,505 --> 00:19:41,299
Go do your own front.
222
00:19:46,721 --> 00:19:49,640
You know Clark, maybe we should
call Catherine and Eddie...
223
00:19:49,807 --> 00:19:53,603
...and tell them that we won't be in
until tomorrow afternoon.
224
00:19:53,769 --> 00:19:55,187
Afternoon?
225
00:19:55,354 --> 00:19:59,025
If we're not there by 10:00 a.m., it's
gonna throw the schedule completely off.
226
00:19:59,191 --> 00:20:01,152
I planned everything very carefully...
227
00:20:01,319 --> 00:20:04,822
...so we'd be at Walley World
first thing Saturday morning.
228
00:20:06,115 --> 00:20:09,285
Sparky, I know how much
this trip means to you...
229
00:20:09,452 --> 00:20:12,622
...and that you want all of us
to have a great time...
230
00:20:12,788 --> 00:20:15,499
...but it's a long way to Walley World.
231
00:20:15,666 --> 00:20:20,254
And I think it'd be easier on all of us
if you'd just try to relax.
232
00:20:22,381 --> 00:20:24,800
I'm way ahead of you, honey.
233
00:20:33,351 --> 00:20:34,685
When did you get these?
234
00:20:34,852 --> 00:20:37,355
I have my little secrets.
235
00:20:40,524 --> 00:20:42,818
What a nice thought.
236
00:20:48,950 --> 00:20:50,743
Don't drink yet.
237
00:20:57,917 --> 00:20:59,543
Ready for this?
238
00:21:05,508 --> 00:21:10,388
I'd like to propose a toast, if I may.
239
00:21:10,554 --> 00:21:14,225
Here's to a very restful vacation.
240
00:21:15,559 --> 00:21:18,354
Here's to a very relaxing vacation...
241
00:21:18,521 --> 00:21:21,107
...a renewed love affair...
242
00:21:22,733 --> 00:21:26,153
...and a time of joy with our babies.
243
00:21:30,032 --> 00:21:31,951
You know, honey, I never told you this.
244
00:21:32,118 --> 00:21:34,370
I know it's been a rough beginning.
245
00:21:34,537 --> 00:21:36,580
I think there's something wrong here.
246
00:21:36,747 --> 00:21:39,375
It's the bed. It will slow up in a second.
247
00:21:39,750 --> 00:21:43,504
I got it. Hold on to this. Enjoy it.
248
00:21:44,380 --> 00:21:47,174
- Clark, what are you doing?
- Let's try this, my darling.
249
00:21:49,593 --> 00:21:51,804
Now we're talking.
250
00:21:51,971 --> 00:21:54,598
We haven't done this for a long time.
251
00:21:57,768 --> 00:22:00,271
Oh. Clark.
252
00:22:00,521 --> 00:22:02,648
- What's that noise?
- What's going on?
253
00:22:02,815 --> 00:22:06,527
Hey. Don't you kids knock anymore?
254
00:22:07,069 --> 00:22:09,572
Sorry, we thought you were fighting
or something.
255
00:22:09,739 --> 00:22:12,033
Nobody is fighting in here.
256
00:22:13,951 --> 00:22:15,327
It's very late.
257
00:22:15,494 --> 00:22:16,829
Where is Mom?
258
00:22:16,996 --> 00:22:18,748
I'm under here, kids.
259
00:22:18,914 --> 00:22:20,958
Go back to bed.
260
00:22:21,333 --> 00:22:23,461
Go back to bed, now. Rusty.
261
00:22:23,627 --> 00:22:25,212
The bed was very soft.
262
00:22:25,379 --> 00:22:27,673
Weird-o-rama.
263
00:22:27,840 --> 00:22:29,467
Really.
264
00:22:31,802 --> 00:22:35,347
This is the street Wyatt Earp
used to keep law and order on.
265
00:22:35,514 --> 00:22:37,933
It seems kind of dirty and touristy.
266
00:22:38,100 --> 00:22:40,311
Oh, Ellen, the Old West was dirty.
267
00:22:40,478 --> 00:22:43,147
Everything isn't like home.
If everything were like home...
268
00:22:43,314 --> 00:22:45,316
...there'd be no reason
for leaving. Right?
269
00:22:45,483 --> 00:22:47,151
Oh, yeah, Dad. This is great.
270
00:22:47,318 --> 00:22:51,238
- You know, I'm glad we didn't go to Hawaii.
- I'll bet you are.
271
00:22:55,367 --> 00:22:57,536
Okay. Kids!
272
00:22:57,703 --> 00:23:00,498
Let's go get a drink. What do you say?
Here you go, champ.
273
00:23:03,167 --> 00:23:04,585
Well.
274
00:23:07,671 --> 00:23:09,215
Howdy, city slickers.
275
00:23:09,381 --> 00:23:12,927
Welcome to the Long Branch.
No fighting, no cussing, no gunslinging.
276
00:23:13,094 --> 00:23:17,014
Watch what you say to our bartender.
He's an ornery cuss.
277
00:23:17,223 --> 00:23:19,016
- Thank you, Sheriff.
- Marshal.
278
00:23:19,183 --> 00:23:20,684
Oh. Sorry.
279
00:23:20,851 --> 00:23:22,103
It's no sweat.
280
00:23:22,269 --> 00:23:24,188
Give me five, partner.
281
00:23:27,983 --> 00:23:30,986
That guy was a crummy Wyatt Earp.
He's wearing jogging shoes.
282
00:23:31,153 --> 00:23:32,613
They used to, Rusty.
283
00:23:32,780 --> 00:23:36,242
Hey, knucklehead.
Set us up with four redeyes, will you?
284
00:23:38,077 --> 00:23:40,037
Hey, yellow-belly. I'm talking to you.
285
00:23:44,041 --> 00:23:46,877
Hey, tenderfoot.
Move your chicken wings, turkey.
286
00:23:53,259 --> 00:23:55,261
Clark. That's not nice.
287
00:23:55,427 --> 00:23:57,972
It's all part of the act, hon.
288
00:23:58,139 --> 00:23:59,515
Hey, underpants.
289
00:23:59,682 --> 00:24:01,308
Hey, yellow--
290
00:24:02,434 --> 00:24:04,061
Clark!
291
00:24:04,520 --> 00:24:06,522
I'm okay. I'm okay.
292
00:24:06,689 --> 00:24:08,023
I'm all right.
293
00:24:09,567 --> 00:24:14,155
I don't think that's very funny. A noise
like that could impair the kids' hearing.
294
00:24:14,321 --> 00:24:16,198
Oh, come on.
295
00:24:16,365 --> 00:24:19,702
It was real. It looked real, didn't it?
Hell, I thought it was a real gun.
296
00:24:19,869 --> 00:24:21,912
Didn't it look real when I fell down, hon?
297
00:24:22,079 --> 00:24:23,956
- What?
- Didn't it look real, sweetie?
298
00:24:24,123 --> 00:24:26,625
- What?
- Are you happy now, Clark?
299
00:24:26,792 --> 00:24:28,961
- She's deaf.
- What's the difference?
300
00:24:29,128 --> 00:24:31,755
It was fun anyway. Let's have a drink.
What do you say?
301
00:24:31,922 --> 00:24:33,257
Pardon me, sir?
302
00:24:38,512 --> 00:24:41,182
Catherine said we just stay on 50.
303
00:24:41,348 --> 00:24:43,976
Well, I was thinking about
shooting over to 54...
304
00:24:44,143 --> 00:24:46,312
- ...and zipping down to Liberal.
- What for?
305
00:24:46,478 --> 00:24:48,564
- The House of Mud.
- What's the House of Mud?
306
00:24:48,731 --> 00:24:52,318
It's only the largest freestanding
mud dwelling ever built, that's all.
307
00:24:52,484 --> 00:24:55,696
You see, kids, the pioneers
didn't have bricks, so they used mud.
308
00:24:55,863 --> 00:24:58,449
They didn't use mud, they used sod, Dad.
309
00:24:58,616 --> 00:25:01,535
Right, Audrey, and when they
ran out of sod, they used mud.
310
00:25:01,702 --> 00:25:04,914
Clark, let's just skip the House of Mud.
311
00:25:05,080 --> 00:25:07,708
I think Dodge City
was enough for one day.
312
00:25:07,875 --> 00:25:11,503
Besides, Catherine and Eddie
are expecting us.
313
00:25:12,338 --> 00:25:13,923
It's living history, Ellen.
314
00:25:14,089 --> 00:25:16,508
But if you'd rather see your cousins...
315
00:25:16,675 --> 00:25:17,885
...it's okay by me.
316
00:25:18,052 --> 00:25:20,763
Personally, I'd rather see a pile
of mud than Eddie.
317
00:25:20,930 --> 00:25:23,641
- Knock it off.
- What's going on?
318
00:25:23,807 --> 00:25:26,101
Rusty is licking his hand
and touching me with it.
319
00:25:26,268 --> 00:25:28,479
Clark, tell Rusty to behave himself.
320
00:25:28,646 --> 00:25:30,272
Rusty, behave yourself.
321
00:25:30,439 --> 00:25:33,651
Audrey's eating peanut butter
and smiling with it all over her teeth.
322
00:25:33,817 --> 00:25:35,903
Audrey, eat with your mouth closed.
323
00:25:36,070 --> 00:25:39,823
- No eating in the car, kids.
- You suck, you know that?
324
00:25:39,990 --> 00:25:43,285
- Retard.
- I am trying to concentrate on the road.
325
00:25:55,005 --> 00:25:56,382
What did you say?
326
00:25:57,883 --> 00:26:01,512
Stop it, both of you.
Just give me the peanut butter.
327
00:26:07,142 --> 00:26:09,603
- He started it!
- I don't care who started it!
328
00:26:11,897 --> 00:26:13,232
I don't care who started it.
329
00:26:13,399 --> 00:26:16,318
I don't want to hear another word
out of either one of you.
330
00:26:26,245 --> 00:26:28,872
Clark, you're doing 80 miles an hour.
331
00:26:29,039 --> 00:26:31,875
- Doesn't seem like it, does it?
- Slow down.
332
00:26:32,960 --> 00:26:35,546
I don't know why.
We're making good time.
333
00:27:01,113 --> 00:27:03,324
Oh, they're here. Eddie, come on.
334
00:27:03,490 --> 00:27:06,410
Oh, I can't believe it. It's been an age!
335
00:27:06,577 --> 00:27:09,163
I never thought we'd get out here,
you look great!
336
00:27:09,330 --> 00:27:12,499
- Eddie, get down here.
- Eddie, you look terrific.
337
00:27:12,666 --> 00:27:15,085
- Ellen, how are you?
- I never thought you'd get here.
338
00:27:15,252 --> 00:27:16,962
Good to see you.
339
00:27:17,129 --> 00:27:20,632
Come and meet your second cousins.
Look how they've grown.
340
00:27:20,799 --> 00:27:23,135
And you have lost weight, Catherine.
341
00:27:23,302 --> 00:27:25,971
Yeah, added a few more mouths
to the litter.
342
00:27:27,473 --> 00:27:31,602
Let's see. Rusty and Audrey,
cousins Vicki and Dale.
343
00:27:31,769 --> 00:27:33,008
Hi.
344
00:27:33,217 --> 00:27:36,273
And this is Eddie
Junior and this is Junior.
345
00:27:36,440 --> 00:27:39,276
And this little moppet
on my skirts is Daisy-Mabel.
346
00:27:39,443 --> 00:27:41,695
Well. How old are you, little one?
347
00:27:41,862 --> 00:27:45,115
- She was born without a tongue, Clark.
- Ooh.
348
00:27:45,282 --> 00:27:48,452
But don't worry about her. She whistles
like a bird and eats like a horse.
349
00:27:50,287 --> 00:27:53,248
Take your little guests out back
and show them your worm farm.
350
00:27:53,415 --> 00:27:56,126
Go on, scoot.
Ellen, come in the house.
351
00:27:56,293 --> 00:28:00,130
- I've got so much to tell you.
- Look at the flowers. I love them.
352
00:28:02,466 --> 00:28:05,094
Oh, boy. Look at that car.
353
00:28:05,260 --> 00:28:07,388
Yeah, that's the Family Truckster.
354
00:28:07,554 --> 00:28:11,308
Boy, she's a beaut.
I like those green walls.
355
00:28:11,475 --> 00:28:14,311
We had some trouble in St. Louis.
356
00:28:14,895 --> 00:28:18,607
So you're looking really...
357
00:28:18,774 --> 00:28:20,275
...fit.
358
00:28:21,276 --> 00:28:23,654
This is the old homestead, huh?
359
00:28:25,906 --> 00:28:29,785
Yeah, I don't know for how long, though.
360
00:28:29,952 --> 00:28:33,330
The bank's been after me
like flies on a rib roast.
361
00:28:33,497 --> 00:28:35,958
Yeah. I know the feeling.
362
00:28:36,959 --> 00:28:38,544
Fuck it.
363
00:28:43,507 --> 00:28:46,009
- I bet you could use a cool one, huh?
- Now you're talking.
364
00:28:57,020 --> 00:29:00,441
I'm going steady. And I French kiss.
365
00:29:01,316 --> 00:29:05,487
- So? Everyone does that.
- Yeah, but Daddy says I'm the best at it.
366
00:29:09,366 --> 00:29:10,993
Want a worm?
367
00:29:11,160 --> 00:29:13,036
No, thanks.
368
00:29:13,912 --> 00:29:15,747
Hey, you got
Pac-Man?
369
00:29:16,707 --> 00:29:17,791
No.
370
00:29:17,958 --> 00:29:20,210
You got
Space Invaders?
371
00:29:20,711 --> 00:29:22,171
Nope.
372
00:29:22,754 --> 00:29:25,966
- You got
Asteroids?
- No, but my dad does.
373
00:29:26,133 --> 00:29:28,969
He can't even sit on the toilet some days.
374
00:29:31,638 --> 00:29:33,974
So, what do you do here, Dale?
375
00:29:34,141 --> 00:29:35,559
Well...
376
00:29:36,560 --> 00:29:38,770
...I got a stack of nudie books this high.
377
00:29:40,647 --> 00:29:43,358
Oh, she's beautiful.
378
00:29:46,737 --> 00:29:51,909
- Would you sell me any of them?
- Shit, no. I cherish these things.
379
00:29:53,285 --> 00:29:54,828
I use them a lot.
380
00:29:57,164 --> 00:29:58,665
How do you use a magazine?
381
00:29:58,832 --> 00:30:01,585
I was getting to that.
382
00:30:01,752 --> 00:30:05,964
A guy taught me something
really neat last year.
383
00:30:07,007 --> 00:30:08,425
Did you ever bop your baloney?
384
00:30:15,557 --> 00:30:18,018
I guess we're 11, aren't we?
385
00:30:18,185 --> 00:30:22,773
- No, we're 12 with Aunt Edna.
- Aunt Edna? She's still alive?
386
00:30:22,940 --> 00:30:24,399
Oh, you bet.
387
00:30:24,566 --> 00:30:28,362
I can't wait to see the look on
Clark's face when he hears that.
388
00:30:28,529 --> 00:30:31,782
Well, she came to help out
when Eddie ruptured his spleen...
389
00:30:31,949 --> 00:30:34,284
...and she's been with us ever since.
390
00:30:34,451 --> 00:30:36,912
She wanted to go back
to Phoenix a year ago...
391
00:30:37,079 --> 00:30:39,081
...but Eddie wouldn't let her.
392
00:30:40,082 --> 00:30:44,503
Frankly, without her Social Security,
we'd never be able to live like this.
393
00:30:46,630 --> 00:30:50,175
Gee, Cath, it looks like
you've really got your hands full.
394
00:30:50,342 --> 00:30:53,178
Oh, it's not so bad.
395
00:30:53,345 --> 00:30:56,890
Eddie says after the baby comes,
I can quit one of my night jobs.
396
00:31:01,728 --> 00:31:03,480
How do you like yours, Clark?
397
00:31:03,647 --> 00:31:05,941
Oh, medium-rare, a little pink inside.
398
00:31:06,108 --> 00:31:08,443
No, your bun. Light or dark?
399
00:31:08,610 --> 00:31:11,321
Oh. Either way, it doesn't matter.
400
00:31:12,531 --> 00:31:16,034
Vicki, can I help you with that Kool-Aid?
Please?
401
00:31:18,518 --> 00:31:21,072
I don't know why they call
this stuff Hamburger Helper.
402
00:31:21,220 --> 00:31:23,292
It does just fine by itself.
403
00:31:23,458 --> 00:31:27,254
I like it better than Tuna Helper myself.
Don't you, Clark?
404
00:31:27,421 --> 00:31:30,299
You're the gourmet around here, Ed. Heh.
405
00:31:35,345 --> 00:31:36,638
No meat in this?
406
00:31:36,805 --> 00:31:40,642
You get plenty of meat at home.
Be polite. Have some ketchup.
407
00:31:45,314 --> 00:31:47,024
Real tomato ketchup, Eddie?
408
00:31:47,190 --> 00:31:49,359
Nothing but the best.
409
00:31:50,736 --> 00:31:53,947
Aunt Edna. Helper's getting cold.
410
00:31:55,699 --> 00:31:57,743
Is that your Aunt Edna?
411
00:32:05,876 --> 00:32:11,089
Aunt Edna. After all these years.
You're looking so good.
412
00:32:15,177 --> 00:32:17,804
Hi, Edna. Nice to see you again.
413
00:32:18,472 --> 00:32:21,099
You remember Clark, don't you?
414
00:32:23,477 --> 00:32:26,563
You were the ones who sent me
the fruitcake for Christmas.
415
00:32:26,730 --> 00:32:29,274
It made me so sick.
416
00:32:29,733 --> 00:32:33,153
I'm sorry.
We thought you enjoyed fruitcake.
417
00:32:33,320 --> 00:32:35,906
You enjoy throwing up
every five minutes, Claude?
418
00:32:36,073 --> 00:32:39,242
- Clark.
- I thought so.
419
00:32:39,618 --> 00:32:43,705
Well, am I going to eat
or am I gonna starve to death?
420
00:32:46,917 --> 00:32:48,251
Catherine.
421
00:32:48,418 --> 00:32:52,047
Did you tell Clark and Ellen
the good news?
422
00:32:52,214 --> 00:32:54,633
No. I was just about to.
423
00:32:54,800 --> 00:32:56,843
Catherine, what's the good news?
424
00:32:57,010 --> 00:33:00,347
You're driving me to Phoenix.
425
00:33:12,109 --> 00:33:14,569
Junior Pig Competition?
426
00:33:15,112 --> 00:33:16,780
You won this for raising a pig?
427
00:33:16,947 --> 00:33:19,533
Yeah. First Place.
428
00:33:19,700 --> 00:33:22,494
Does anybody know about it?
429
00:33:22,661 --> 00:33:23,912
Everybody knows.
430
00:33:25,288 --> 00:33:30,460
Vicki, don't get offended, but being
a farmer is not too cool, you know.
431
00:33:32,254 --> 00:33:34,089
Oh, yeah?
432
00:33:34,381 --> 00:33:38,218
Well, how cool...
433
00:33:38,385 --> 00:33:40,095
...is this?
434
00:33:47,144 --> 00:33:51,440
I'm real glad that things
are going good for you, Clark.
435
00:33:53,650 --> 00:33:55,235
Mm-hm. Tsk.
436
00:33:55,402 --> 00:34:00,991
I got laid off when they closed
that asbestos factory. Ahem.
437
00:34:01,158 --> 00:34:02,868
And now, wouldn't you know it...
438
00:34:03,034 --> 00:34:05,120
...the Army cut my disability pension...
439
00:34:05,287 --> 00:34:10,292
...because they said the plate in my head
wasn't big enough. Shoo.
440
00:34:13,587 --> 00:34:16,923
Eddie, Clark and Ellen don't want to hear
about our troubles.
441
00:34:17,090 --> 00:34:18,550
No, no. It's very interesting.
442
00:34:18,717 --> 00:34:21,762
Why don't you just ask him
for the money, Eddie?
443
00:34:21,928 --> 00:34:23,764
He sure as hell can't take a hint.
444
00:34:24,556 --> 00:34:28,727
Well, I didn't want to ask you,
Clark, you know, but...
445
00:34:28,894 --> 00:34:32,606
Could you, maybe,
spare a little extra cash?
446
00:34:32,773 --> 00:34:34,816
Sure, Eddie.
447
00:34:39,237 --> 00:34:40,822
How much do you need?
448
00:34:40,989 --> 00:34:42,991
About $52,000.
449
00:34:46,286 --> 00:34:48,622
Goodbye, baby.
450
00:34:48,789 --> 00:34:50,624
And you'll send those checks?
451
00:34:50,791 --> 00:34:52,918
- All taken care of.
- Okay.
452
00:34:53,084 --> 00:34:56,546
- Okay, let's go. Come on, Edna.
- Lay off, lay off.
453
00:34:57,464 --> 00:34:59,549
Well, gotta be going.
454
00:34:59,716 --> 00:35:02,219
- What's this?
- This is for you, Clark.
455
00:35:02,385 --> 00:35:04,137
Oh, what is it?
456
00:35:04,304 --> 00:35:07,724
- Gift.
- You didn't have to buy me a gift, Eddie.
457
00:35:07,891 --> 00:35:09,184
Oh, go on, open it.
458
00:35:12,395 --> 00:35:14,981
Oh, Eddie, you shouldn't have.
459
00:35:15,148 --> 00:35:17,901
- You really shouldn't have.
- Those are great, Dad.
460
00:35:18,068 --> 00:35:20,612
- Quiet down, Russ.
- Try them on.
461
00:35:20,779 --> 00:35:22,447
No, I don't want to get them dirty.
462
00:35:22,614 --> 00:35:24,741
I told you he wouldn't like them, Eddie.
463
00:35:25,826 --> 00:35:27,494
- I love them.
- I knew you did...
464
00:35:27,661 --> 00:35:31,248
...because the last time I saw you you
remarked about how much you liked mine.
465
00:35:31,414 --> 00:35:34,668
- Well, I guess we'd better be going.
- Yeah.
466
00:35:36,419 --> 00:35:37,504
- Bye, Eddie.
- Bye, Ellen.
467
00:35:37,671 --> 00:35:41,049
- Bye, Clark. It's was great having you here.
- Goodbye. Thank you. Okay.
468
00:35:42,008 --> 00:35:44,636
Here he is, Uncle Clark,
all walked and everything.
469
00:35:44,803 --> 00:35:46,304
What is this? A dog?
470
00:35:46,471 --> 00:35:49,724
He's Aunt Edna's. His name is Dinky.
He watches
Family Feud.
471
00:35:50,433 --> 00:35:52,769
Oh. Hi, how are you, little fellow?
472
00:35:54,437 --> 00:35:55,939
Easy.
473
00:35:56,189 --> 00:35:59,818
Yeah. You folks didn't
get to meet Dinky last night.
474
00:35:59,985 --> 00:36:02,237
He had the shits, so he slept in the barn.
475
00:36:02,612 --> 00:36:06,449
Ah. Well, great. Better make some space
for him in the back. Come on.
476
00:36:07,784 --> 00:36:10,745
Ow! No. No. Sit, sit. Roll over.
Come on, heel.
477
00:36:10,912 --> 00:36:14,457
- Here. Have a good trip.
- Thanks, Vic.
478
00:36:20,755 --> 00:36:25,594
Bye! Bye, kids, bye, Aunt Edna. Bye-bye!
479
00:36:42,152 --> 00:36:44,905
Look at these sandwiches.
Here, Aunt Edna.
480
00:36:45,071 --> 00:36:46,656
Thank you.
481
00:36:46,948 --> 00:36:48,325
Audrey.
482
00:36:49,284 --> 00:36:52,329
Oh, Rusty, stop playing with the dog
and come and have some lunch.
483
00:36:58,043 --> 00:36:59,586
Oh, Clark, look.
484
00:36:59,753 --> 00:37:02,839
Your favorite, baloney and cheese.
485
00:37:05,717 --> 00:37:07,969
And what should I have?
486
00:37:08,136 --> 00:37:12,140
Maybe some fruit or something like that.
487
00:38:16,621 --> 00:38:18,790
Mom, my sandwich is all wet.
488
00:38:18,957 --> 00:38:20,834
Well, they're all wet.
489
00:38:21,668 --> 00:38:26,047
Oh, God. The dog went
on the picnic basket.
490
00:39:25,565 --> 00:39:27,150
Russ, look.
491
00:39:27,317 --> 00:39:29,986
Excellent. They have a pool.
492
00:39:30,904 --> 00:39:33,490
Aren't the woods beautiful?
493
00:39:34,199 --> 00:39:37,494
Clark. Dinkums needs a long walk
and a bath.
494
00:39:37,660 --> 00:39:40,288
Rusty, take care of Dinkums.
495
00:39:40,455 --> 00:39:43,500
- Dad, he bites.
- Bite him back.
496
00:40:00,934 --> 00:40:04,896
- We'd like three tents for the night, please.
- All right. That'll be $37.
497
00:40:05,063 --> 00:40:07,190
Thirty-seven dollars
for three tents?
498
00:40:07,357 --> 00:40:08,691
Oh, they're very nice tents.
499
00:40:08,858 --> 00:40:12,195
And that price includes scenery
and wildlife fun.
500
00:40:14,197 --> 00:40:16,533
Oh, come on, Clark.
It seems like a nice place.
501
00:40:16,699 --> 00:40:19,410
It's got a pool and everything.
502
00:40:19,577 --> 00:40:22,163
- All right.
- Here you go.
503
00:40:22,330 --> 00:40:24,916
Fill out that.
504
00:40:29,212 --> 00:40:32,173
Clark W. Griswold. You want my street?
505
00:40:32,340 --> 00:40:33,383
Please.
506
00:40:33,550 --> 00:40:36,636
- What do you need my address for?
- We like to send out a mailer.
507
00:40:40,640 --> 00:40:42,725
- I can't wait to get in.
- Me, too.
508
00:40:42,892 --> 00:40:44,561
Get our bathing--
509
00:40:47,647 --> 00:40:50,316
That's disgusting.
510
00:40:54,445 --> 00:40:56,656
Too cheap to pay for a hotel room, huh?
511
00:40:58,908 --> 00:41:02,662
Ooh. Clark, this tent smells.
512
00:41:03,413 --> 00:41:04,706
Edna, this is your tent.
513
00:41:24,267 --> 00:41:26,269
Sp-- Sparky.
514
00:41:26,436 --> 00:41:29,606
- This isn't very romantic.
- Isn't it?
515
00:41:29,772 --> 00:41:34,652
No, I don't think there's enough room
for two in this sleeping bag.
516
00:41:34,819 --> 00:41:37,614
Honey, right now, we're one.
517
00:41:37,780 --> 00:41:41,826
- One heart beating for two.
- Oh, Sparky.
518
00:41:47,165 --> 00:41:49,709
Sparky, there's a wild animal.
519
00:41:49,876 --> 00:41:51,127
- Yeah.
- No.
520
00:41:51,294 --> 00:41:54,339
- I know, I'm gonna go for it, honey.
- Wild animal-- No.
521
00:41:56,674 --> 00:41:59,427
Ow! Get off. Down. Go.
522
00:42:00,136 --> 00:42:02,597
I'm sorry, honey. It's Dinky. Get off!
523
00:42:06,476 --> 00:42:08,269
I'll kill that dog.
524
00:42:10,355 --> 00:42:11,814
I'm sorry.
525
00:42:19,322 --> 00:42:21,824
What do you say, honey? Uhn!
526
00:42:21,991 --> 00:42:25,119
In spite of all the little problems,
it really is fun, isn't it?
527
00:42:25,286 --> 00:42:26,621
No.
528
00:42:26,788 --> 00:42:30,166
But with every new day
there's fresh hope.
529
00:42:32,001 --> 00:42:34,087
Hey, kids, let's go.
530
00:42:34,254 --> 00:42:36,339
We're losing daylight here.
531
00:42:36,965 --> 00:42:38,341
Hey, did you walk him?
532
00:42:38,508 --> 00:42:41,135
Yeah. He took a big one
on Aunt Edna's blanket.
533
00:42:41,678 --> 00:42:43,972
- Good boy.
- Help!
534
00:42:44,138 --> 00:42:46,432
Oh, boy. Go take care of Aunt Edna.
I'll take the leash.
535
00:42:51,104 --> 00:42:53,481
Roll over. Ow.
536
00:42:54,732 --> 00:42:55,775
Dinky.
537
00:42:56,192 --> 00:42:58,945
Ow! You're tearing my flesh!
538
00:42:59,112 --> 00:43:02,824
Good morning, Edna. Ah!
No, Dinky. Sit. Roll over.
539
00:43:07,120 --> 00:43:08,162
Audrey, you're next.
540
00:43:08,329 --> 00:43:10,123
- No way, José.
- Hey, Audrey.
541
00:43:11,666 --> 00:43:12,709
What's the problem?
542
00:43:12,875 --> 00:43:16,671
Ma, I had to sit next to Aunt Edna
last time. She smells like mothballs.
543
00:43:16,838 --> 00:43:17,964
Anyway, it's her turn.
544
00:43:18,131 --> 00:43:22,051
For your information,
Rusty slept in his underpants last night.
545
00:43:22,218 --> 00:43:24,887
- Yeah, I did.
- Hey, hey, hey! Easy, kids. Cut it out.
546
00:43:25,054 --> 00:43:28,641
Everybody in the car,
boat leaves in two minutes.
547
00:43:28,808 --> 00:43:32,478
Or perhaps, you don't want to see
the second-largest ball of twine on Earth.
548
00:43:32,645 --> 00:43:34,314
Which is only four short hours away.
549
00:43:41,863 --> 00:43:43,740
Sweetie, do you hear that rattle?
550
00:43:44,073 --> 00:43:46,909
- Where is it coming from?
- Beats the heck out of me.
551
00:43:47,076 --> 00:43:50,663
I've been looking for it ever since we left.
It's driving me crazy.
552
00:43:51,122 --> 00:43:53,750
God, Dad, check it out behind you.
553
00:43:53,916 --> 00:43:55,793
Oh, shoot. Now what have we done?
554
00:43:57,170 --> 00:43:58,755
- Will you hold my purse?
- Huh?
555
00:43:58,921 --> 00:44:01,090
Just hold my purse.
556
00:44:20,943 --> 00:44:23,112
Hello, officer. What's the problem?
557
00:44:25,782 --> 00:44:27,825
Get out of the car.
558
00:44:34,540 --> 00:44:36,542
I don't think I was speeding.
Was I weaving?
559
00:44:36,709 --> 00:44:38,711
Shut your mouth, sir.
560
00:44:40,254 --> 00:44:43,841
If I wasn't in uniform, I'd split your skull
with the butt of this revolver...
561
00:44:44,008 --> 00:44:46,677
...faster than you could say
"police brutality."
562
00:44:47,136 --> 00:44:50,598
Well, officer, whatever it is I've done,
I'm sure I can explain.
563
00:44:54,727 --> 00:44:57,188
Explain this, you son of a bitch.
564
00:44:57,355 --> 00:44:59,273
Oh, my God.
565
00:45:00,525 --> 00:45:04,821
Do you know what the penalty
for animal cruelty is in this state?
566
00:45:04,987 --> 00:45:06,572
No, sir, I don't.
567
00:45:06,864 --> 00:45:08,324
Well...
568
00:45:08,991 --> 00:45:10,576
It's probably pretty stiff.
569
00:45:11,285 --> 00:45:14,038
You can't think
I'd do this on purpose, sir.
570
00:45:14,205 --> 00:45:17,875
Look, I tied him to the rear bumper
when I was packing the car.
571
00:45:18,042 --> 00:45:20,837
It was very confusing, I must've forgot.
572
00:45:22,130 --> 00:45:24,715
I'm very sorry. I feel terrible.
573
00:45:25,299 --> 00:45:27,802
How do you think that little dog feels?
574
00:45:32,473 --> 00:45:36,227
Look, I told you I was sorry.
It really was an accident.
575
00:45:37,770 --> 00:45:41,190
Yeah. I guess I can buy that, sir.
576
00:45:41,357 --> 00:45:43,317
But it is a shame.
577
00:45:43,734 --> 00:45:46,612
I had a pooch like this when I was a kid.
578
00:45:49,198 --> 00:45:50,450
Poor little guy.
579
00:45:50,616 --> 00:45:53,536
He probably kept up with you
for a mile or so.
580
00:45:54,829 --> 00:45:56,289
- Tough little mutt.
- Tough.
581
00:45:56,456 --> 00:45:58,666
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
582
00:46:06,591 --> 00:46:09,010
I was afraid you'd get pulled over, Clark.
583
00:46:09,177 --> 00:46:12,889
You've been exceeding the speed limit
for thousands of miles.
584
00:46:13,055 --> 00:46:15,892
Dad wasn't speeding.
The cop stopped us because Dad forgot--
585
00:46:16,058 --> 00:46:18,853
- He was speeding, Rusty.
- No, he wasn't, Mom.
586
00:46:19,020 --> 00:46:21,647
Russ! Listen to your mother.
I was speeding.
587
00:46:21,814 --> 00:46:23,191
I was driving like a maniac.
588
00:46:23,357 --> 00:46:25,860
We can all be grateful
to this man for stopping us.
589
00:46:26,027 --> 00:46:27,737
- You see, a car--
- Here's the leash.
590
00:46:27,904 --> 00:46:30,531
I'm going to get the rest
of the carcass off the road.
591
00:46:30,698 --> 00:46:32,450
- Thank you, officer.
- See you.
592
00:46:32,617 --> 00:46:34,202
Have a nice day.
593
00:46:47,340 --> 00:46:50,051
This your idea of a good restaurant?
594
00:46:50,218 --> 00:46:52,303
Dog killer.
595
00:46:52,470 --> 00:46:54,764
I'm sure the food is just fine.
596
00:46:54,931 --> 00:46:57,141
Uh-uh-uh. New car, I'll take it.
597
00:46:57,308 --> 00:46:58,643
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
598
00:46:58,809 --> 00:47:01,896
Oh, kids. Oh, kids. Mm-mm.
599
00:47:04,941 --> 00:47:05,983
Waitress.
600
00:48:16,178 --> 00:48:17,847
What happened?
601
00:48:19,098 --> 00:48:21,559
What happened to your hair?
602
00:48:22,101 --> 00:48:23,436
You're sweating.
603
00:48:23,603 --> 00:48:26,689
- Are you blushing?
- Don't be silly.
604
00:48:26,856 --> 00:48:28,357
Are you all right, Clark?
605
00:48:28,524 --> 00:48:30,735
Hell, yes. I'm fine. I'm having a ball.
606
00:48:37,992 --> 00:48:40,369
Come on, honey, look at the mountains,
breathe the air.
607
00:48:43,539 --> 00:48:46,208
Put on a happy face for me.
608
00:48:50,755 --> 00:48:54,216
I guess there's not much more
that can happen to us.
609
00:48:54,383 --> 00:48:56,844
I think the worst is behind us.
610
00:49:05,269 --> 00:49:07,813
Clark, I need my vanity case.
611
00:49:07,980 --> 00:49:10,066
We've got to go back and look for it.
612
00:49:10,232 --> 00:49:11,901
All my credit cards are in it.
613
00:49:12,068 --> 00:49:15,738
Honey, number one, I've already called
the bank and told them you've lost them.
614
00:49:15,905 --> 00:49:19,241
B, there's no way we're gonna find it.
We don't know where it fell off.
615
00:49:19,408 --> 00:49:23,079
And three, I've got my credit cards
and we've still got plenty of cash. Okay?
616
00:49:23,245 --> 00:49:25,998
No, we don't. You gave $500 to Eddie...
617
00:49:26,165 --> 00:49:29,752
...and everything has cost twice
as much as you figured out.
618
00:49:29,919 --> 00:49:32,463
There's nothing in that luggage
that can't be replaced.
619
00:49:32,630 --> 00:49:34,674
Except for your diaphragm.
620
00:49:34,840 --> 00:49:37,218
We can always cash a check
down the road.
621
00:49:37,385 --> 00:49:38,969
Don't you trust me?
622
00:49:39,136 --> 00:49:42,765
As long as you don't tie me
to the rear bumper.
623
00:49:45,601 --> 00:49:47,269
That hurt, Ellen.
624
00:49:48,312 --> 00:49:51,607
- Clark, I think we're lost.
- We're not lost.
625
00:49:51,774 --> 00:49:53,776
Will you please let me do the driving?
626
00:49:53,943 --> 00:49:58,280
I honestly don't think you're gonna
find the Grand Canyon on this road.
627
00:49:58,447 --> 00:50:01,075
Jesus, it's only the biggest
goddamn hole in the world.
628
00:50:01,242 --> 00:50:03,077
Clark, watch your language.
629
00:50:03,244 --> 00:50:04,995
Make that the second-biggest.
630
00:50:05,162 --> 00:50:07,957
Dad, I haven't seen a car for an hour.
631
00:50:08,124 --> 00:50:10,876
Shut up, Audrey. You don't think
Dad knows where he's going?
632
00:50:11,043 --> 00:50:13,295
- Thank you, Russ.
- You're lost.
633
00:50:15,297 --> 00:50:18,134
- I saw some detour signs.
- I didn't see any.
634
00:50:18,300 --> 00:50:21,554
I saw them when you and Mom
were trying to fold the map.
635
00:50:21,721 --> 00:50:24,932
When they close a road
they put up big signs. Like this one.
636
00:50:47,121 --> 00:50:50,291
- I think I broke my nose.
- I stabbed my brain.
637
00:50:50,458 --> 00:50:53,002
I just got my period.
638
00:50:53,169 --> 00:50:55,296
I'd better check under the hood.
639
00:51:07,808 --> 00:51:10,311
Audrey, gather up the clothes
and put them in a pile.
640
00:51:10,478 --> 00:51:13,773
Rusty, find the first-aid kit,
then get the suitcases.
641
00:51:13,939 --> 00:51:15,941
Mom, where can I go to the bathroom?
642
00:51:16,692 --> 00:51:18,652
Find a bush, Audrey.
643
00:51:20,780 --> 00:51:23,574
Dad, you must've jumped this thing
about 50 yards.
644
00:51:23,741 --> 00:51:26,744
It's nothing to be proud of, Rusty.
645
00:51:27,203 --> 00:51:29,246
Fifty yards. Heh.
646
00:51:29,413 --> 00:51:33,542
Ellen! Ellen, get me out of here.
647
00:51:33,709 --> 00:51:36,128
Stay in the car.
It's hot and dangerous out here.
648
00:51:36,295 --> 00:51:39,465
Don't you tell me what to do.
I'll do what I want.
649
00:51:39,632 --> 00:51:42,218
I should never have come
on this trip with you.
650
00:51:42,384 --> 00:51:43,928
I should have taken an airplane.
651
00:51:44,094 --> 00:51:47,890
And he-- He shouldn't even have a license
to drive an automobile.
652
00:51:48,057 --> 00:51:51,393
He should be behind bars.
653
00:51:51,560 --> 00:51:55,022
Sit down and shut up.
654
00:52:01,278 --> 00:52:04,698
Move out of that seat,
and I'll split your lip.
655
00:52:12,122 --> 00:52:14,500
Rusty, come on up here.
656
00:52:14,667 --> 00:52:16,585
Hello, Russ.
657
00:52:16,752 --> 00:52:19,463
I'm gonna hike down the road
to find a service station.
658
00:52:19,630 --> 00:52:22,925
I want you to stay here
and take care of things.
659
00:52:23,092 --> 00:52:26,929
- You'll be okay, Dad?
- Oh, sure, sure, sure.
660
00:52:27,763 --> 00:52:31,225
You know, I haven't had much of a chance
to talk to you man to man, Russ.
661
00:52:31,392 --> 00:52:33,143
Well, I've only been a man
a few days, Dad.
662
00:52:35,938 --> 00:52:38,691
You're growing up so damn fast.
663
00:52:39,066 --> 00:52:41,193
I've spent the last 15 years of my life...
664
00:52:41,360 --> 00:52:45,072
...developing newer
and better food additives.
665
00:52:45,364 --> 00:52:48,033
I guess I've missed an awful lot.
666
00:52:49,660 --> 00:52:52,413
At first,
I didn't want to take this vacation.
667
00:52:53,038 --> 00:52:55,082
But now I'm glad I did.
668
00:52:55,249 --> 00:52:58,794
It's given me a chance
to spend a lot more time with you and...
669
00:52:58,961 --> 00:53:01,463
- Audrey.
- Audrey. Yeah.
670
00:53:03,549 --> 00:53:06,343
You know, it's been real fun for me,
too, Dad. Really.
671
00:53:06,510 --> 00:53:08,679
Except for Aunt Edna.
672
00:53:08,846 --> 00:53:11,181
Oh, she doesn't mean
to be a pain in the rump.
673
00:53:11,348 --> 00:53:13,142
It's just the way she is.
674
00:53:13,309 --> 00:53:16,562
- Let's not let it spoil our fun.
- I won't.
675
00:53:16,729 --> 00:53:19,899
You know, maybe she'd be nicer
if she had a family of her own.
676
00:53:20,065 --> 00:53:24,278
You know, instead of always
having to glom onto someone else's.
677
00:53:25,905 --> 00:53:28,115
You're a pretty bright little guy.
678
00:53:28,282 --> 00:53:30,117
Excuse me. Man.
679
00:53:35,247 --> 00:53:36,790
It's okay, Dad.
680
00:53:38,500 --> 00:53:40,252
You know what I wanna do?
681
00:53:42,338 --> 00:53:45,466
When I was your age,
my dad shared a beer with me...
682
00:53:45,633 --> 00:53:48,093
...and I thought it was
the best thing in the world.
683
00:53:59,521 --> 00:54:03,192
When I was a boy, just about
every summer we'd take a vacation.
684
00:54:03,901 --> 00:54:06,236
And you know, in 18 years...
685
00:54:06,528 --> 00:54:08,322
...we never had fun.
686
00:54:10,616 --> 00:54:12,284
But now I have my own family.
687
00:54:12,451 --> 00:54:13,869
And we're on our own vacation.
688
00:54:14,036 --> 00:54:16,664
- And you know something, Russ?
- What, Dad?
689
00:54:17,873 --> 00:54:20,042
We're gonna have fun.
690
00:54:24,505 --> 00:54:25,547
We're gonna have fun.
691
00:54:27,257 --> 00:54:32,262
Hey. Don't let your mother smell beer
on your breath. She'll take it out on me.
692
00:54:33,555 --> 00:54:37,476
Well, I better get a move on if I want
to get us out of here by dark.
693
00:54:39,937 --> 00:54:41,146
Good talk, son.
694
00:54:41,313 --> 00:54:43,065
Good talk, Dad.
695
00:54:43,732 --> 00:54:45,401
Clark?
696
00:54:50,406 --> 00:54:54,118
I just had a good talk with Rusty.
You'll be in good hands here, honey.
697
00:54:55,786 --> 00:54:57,454
Where are you going?
698
00:54:57,621 --> 00:55:01,250
There's gotta be a phone or a gas station
around here somewhere, honey.
699
00:55:02,209 --> 00:55:05,212
All right, but if you're not back
in an hour...
700
00:55:05,379 --> 00:55:08,382
I'll be fine. You'll be fine.
I'm sure this happens all the time.
701
00:55:08,549 --> 00:55:10,843
A patrol car will be by any minute.
702
00:55:47,087 --> 00:55:51,592
We pass a goddamn gas station
every 100 yards for 1,000 miles.
703
00:55:51,759 --> 00:55:54,803
But when you really need one,
you end up walking your ass off.
704
00:55:54,970 --> 00:55:57,473
This is no way to run a desert.
705
00:55:57,639 --> 00:56:00,684
Jesus. I'm gonna die. That's it! I'm dying.
706
00:56:01,477 --> 00:56:03,562
What an asshole.
707
00:56:08,567 --> 00:56:10,903
Taxi. Taxi? Taxi!
708
00:56:11,070 --> 00:56:12,529
Dead. I'm dead.
709
00:56:12,696 --> 00:56:15,866
Taxi! Here boy.
710
00:56:16,116 --> 00:56:19,995
Heat. The heat.
I'm dying. I'm dead. I'm finished.
711
00:56:22,414 --> 00:56:23,874
Hot. Hot.
712
00:56:32,257 --> 00:56:34,093
Hot wrist.
713
00:56:41,517 --> 00:56:43,685
Mom, Mommy?
714
00:56:52,152 --> 00:56:54,154
I'm not sure of his exact height
and weight.
715
00:56:54,321 --> 00:56:56,573
All I know is the man
was a saint with children...
716
00:56:56,740 --> 00:56:58,534
...and a genius with food additives...
717
00:56:58,700 --> 00:57:00,702
...and he was-- Clark!
718
00:57:00,869 --> 00:57:02,079
Ellen!
719
00:57:04,164 --> 00:57:05,999
- I was so worried.
- Russ.
720
00:57:06,166 --> 00:57:08,127
- What are you doing?
- Russ, Russ!
721
00:57:08,293 --> 00:57:11,046
Audrey? Audrey.
722
00:57:11,630 --> 00:57:13,549
Have you grown?
723
00:57:13,715 --> 00:57:16,051
- Are you all right?
- I feel fine.
724
00:57:16,218 --> 00:57:17,970
What happened? How did you get here?
725
00:57:18,137 --> 00:57:21,348
Well, these two nice Indians
and a man on a camel called a tow truck.
726
00:57:21,515 --> 00:57:23,851
- Daddy's back.
- A camel?
727
00:57:24,017 --> 00:57:26,395
A camel. Hey, kids, are you thirsty?
728
00:57:26,562 --> 00:57:29,648
- Yeah, I bet you are, too.
- You said it.
729
00:57:49,293 --> 00:57:52,588
Okay. What do I owe you?
730
00:57:52,838 --> 00:57:56,175
Never heard of no one so shit-all stupid
as you driving off that road.
731
00:57:56,341 --> 00:57:59,261
You must have got
manure for your brains.
732
00:57:59,428 --> 00:58:02,055
Yes, well, I'm from out of town.
733
00:58:02,222 --> 00:58:03,932
What's the bill?
734
00:58:08,437 --> 00:58:09,813
Come on, come on. How much?
735
00:58:09,980 --> 00:58:11,273
How much you got?
736
00:58:11,440 --> 00:58:13,901
No, I'm asking how much the repairs are.
737
00:58:14,067 --> 00:58:17,112
And I'm asking you, how much you got?
738
00:58:18,739 --> 00:58:20,490
You're out of your mind.
739
00:58:20,949 --> 00:58:23,327
I don't have time to play around.
How much is it?
740
00:58:24,119 --> 00:58:26,079
All of it, boy.
741
00:58:27,664 --> 00:58:29,666
What does your sheriff think
of your business practices?
742
00:58:52,356 --> 00:58:55,150
Audrey, honey, how much
babysitting money do you have?
743
00:58:55,317 --> 00:58:57,486
- How come?
- How much?
744
00:58:57,653 --> 00:58:58,737
What's the matter?
745
00:58:58,904 --> 00:59:03,408
Nothing. I just spent $500
on four bald tires and a tow.
746
00:59:03,575 --> 00:59:04,952
How much do you have, Audrey?
747
00:59:06,453 --> 00:59:09,248
- Thirty-five.
- She has $40, Dad.
748
00:59:09,414 --> 00:59:12,125
How would you know
unless you went in my purse, you sneak?
749
00:59:12,292 --> 00:59:14,795
Have you been going through
her private property?
750
00:59:14,962 --> 00:59:17,339
I don't give a frog's fat ass
who went through what.
751
00:59:17,506 --> 00:59:19,174
We need money.
752
00:59:20,175 --> 00:59:22,135
Edna, how much do you have?
753
00:59:22,302 --> 00:59:24,012
She's asleep, Clark.
754
00:59:24,763 --> 00:59:26,932
Russ, wanna look through Edna's purse?
755
00:59:27,099 --> 00:59:28,892
Clark.
756
00:59:34,314 --> 00:59:35,857
Unzip it, Russ.
757
00:59:39,861 --> 00:59:42,489
- She has 11 cents, Dad.
- Terrific.
758
00:59:42,656 --> 00:59:45,200
The motel will cash your check.
759
00:59:45,367 --> 00:59:47,327
They better. We're gonna run out of gas.
760
00:59:52,082 --> 00:59:55,836
I'm sorry, sir.
I can't accept this credit card.
761
00:59:56,003 --> 00:59:59,047
- Why not?
- The computer says it's been reported lost.
762
00:59:59,214 --> 01:00:03,552
Oh, no. You see, my wife lost her cards
in Colorado and I had to report it.
763
01:00:03,719 --> 01:00:06,555
The computer is probably saying
I lost mine, which I haven't.
764
01:00:06,722 --> 01:00:09,808
Well, you'll have to straighten
that out with your bank.
765
01:00:10,642 --> 01:00:13,270
- Would you take a personal check?
- For how much?
766
01:00:13,437 --> 01:00:15,981
- Three-hundred dollars.
- I can't do that, sir.
767
01:00:16,148 --> 01:00:18,734
I've lost all my cash.
We're on our way to California.
768
01:00:18,900 --> 01:00:22,112
- Walley World?
- Yeah. Walley World.
769
01:00:22,279 --> 01:00:24,990
And I'm sort of stuck between a rock
and a hard place.
770
01:00:25,157 --> 01:00:29,244
- You know, I'd really appreciate it.
- Not without a major credit card.
771
01:00:31,705 --> 01:00:34,249
I have $6.13 to my name...
772
01:00:34,416 --> 01:00:37,085
...so I can see we're gonna
have to work something out.
773
01:00:37,252 --> 01:00:39,504
I've already told you
I can't accept a check...
774
01:00:39,671 --> 01:00:41,298
...without a major credit card.
775
01:00:41,465 --> 01:00:43,508
I'm making this out for $1,000.
776
01:00:43,675 --> 01:00:48,430
All you have to do is give me $300 in cash,
and keep $700...
777
01:00:48,597 --> 01:00:52,100
...all for doing nothing more
than acting like a total creep.
778
01:00:53,435 --> 01:00:54,936
The only thing I can do...
779
01:00:55,103 --> 01:00:58,065
...is have you stay here
until the check clears.
780
01:00:58,231 --> 01:01:00,692
Ten working days.
781
01:01:27,427 --> 01:01:30,430
Okay, let's go, come on. Ha-ha.
Where is Edna?
782
01:01:30,597 --> 01:01:33,016
- She's in the car.
- Good. Come on, get in the car.
783
01:01:33,183 --> 01:01:36,186
Don't you want to look
at the Grand Canyon?
784
01:01:37,604 --> 01:01:39,689
Great, let's go.
785
01:01:49,699 --> 01:01:51,743
Rusty, up and at them.
786
01:01:52,786 --> 01:01:54,037
What?
787
01:01:54,204 --> 01:01:56,957
Crack open those sandwiches
I got at the gas station.
788
01:01:57,124 --> 01:02:00,460
I'm so hungry, I could eat a sandwich
from a gas station. Ha-ha-ha.
789
01:02:01,586 --> 01:02:03,338
There's one for everyone.
790
01:02:03,505 --> 01:02:07,467
Audrey, wake up Aunt Edna.
It's time for her to eat and take her pill.
791
01:02:07,634 --> 01:02:10,137
Please, get off me.
792
01:02:10,303 --> 01:02:12,597
Mom, tell Audrey to quit pushing
Aunt Edna on me.
793
01:02:12,764 --> 01:02:15,058
I'm sick of her lying on me all the time.
794
01:02:15,517 --> 01:02:17,519
Be quiet.
795
01:02:18,019 --> 01:02:21,148
- Auntie?
- Honey, it's only a few hours to Phoenix.
796
01:02:21,314 --> 01:02:24,234
- Let her be, she's fine.
- She's not fine.
797
01:02:24,943 --> 01:02:26,611
She's fine. Don't be silly.
798
01:02:26,778 --> 01:02:29,239
She's not fine, Clark.
799
01:02:29,406 --> 01:02:30,615
She's dead.
800
01:02:38,832 --> 01:02:41,042
She breathed on me.
A dead person breathed on me.
801
01:02:41,209 --> 01:02:43,795
Her hand touched me.
She's stiff already. Ugh.
802
01:02:55,432 --> 01:02:57,058
Goddamn it, anyway.
803
01:03:06,610 --> 01:03:10,238
She must have passed away
somewhere near Flagstaff.
804
01:03:11,531 --> 01:03:14,117
What are we going to do, Clark?
805
01:03:16,578 --> 01:03:18,914
We could leave her here.
The first phone we pass...
806
01:03:19,080 --> 01:03:21,750
...we could call your cousin
and he could come and get her.
807
01:03:21,917 --> 01:03:23,627
That's the meanest, coldest--
808
01:03:23,793 --> 01:03:26,004
What do you want me to do,
call Federal Express?
809
01:03:26,171 --> 01:03:28,673
We don't have to ride
with a dead person, do we?
810
01:03:28,840 --> 01:03:30,217
Please say we don't.
811
01:03:30,383 --> 01:03:32,594
It'd be real easy for Cousin Normie
to find her.
812
01:03:32,761 --> 01:03:35,222
All he'd have to do
is look for the buzzards.
813
01:03:35,388 --> 01:03:38,808
Hell. We'll drive her to Cousin Normie's,
for Pete's sake.
814
01:03:38,975 --> 01:03:42,604
I just didn't want to get caught up
in a funeral, inquests and all that crap.
815
01:03:42,771 --> 01:03:48,068
You are the most self-centered,
egotistical, manipulative--
816
01:03:48,235 --> 01:03:50,612
Don't say anything you'll regret, Ellen.
817
01:03:50,779 --> 01:03:53,198
I'm being practical.
If we drove straight through...
818
01:03:53,365 --> 01:03:56,409
...we'd have three days
at Walley World at best. Three.
819
01:03:58,995 --> 01:04:01,456
She can't weigh more than 100 pounds.
820
01:04:01,706 --> 01:04:04,668
Oh, no. You can't put her up on that roof.
821
01:04:04,834 --> 01:04:06,044
Yes, he can.
822
01:04:06,211 --> 01:04:10,131
You want me to strap her to the hood?
What's the difference? She'll be fine.
823
01:04:10,298 --> 01:04:12,801
It's not as if it's going to rain
or something.
824
01:04:39,286 --> 01:04:43,039
This is terrible. Ugh.
825
01:04:43,206 --> 01:04:45,625
What a nightmare.
826
01:05:01,474 --> 01:05:03,852
Don't just blurt it out about Edna dying.
827
01:05:04,019 --> 01:05:06,688
How about if I ask him
to play twenty questions?
828
01:05:14,779 --> 01:05:16,811
Oh, for Christ's sake,
he isn't even home.
829
01:05:17,020 --> 01:05:18,992
Maybe the neighbors
know where he is.
830
01:05:19,159 --> 01:05:23,038
- Moron knows we're coming and isn't home.
- Normie's always been flighty.
831
01:05:23,204 --> 01:05:25,749
- He's always been a jag-off.
- Will you watch your mouth?
832
01:05:25,915 --> 01:05:27,375
There's a note.
833
01:05:28,710 --> 01:05:31,630
"Have gone to Flagstaff.
Be back on Monday."
834
01:05:32,255 --> 01:05:33,923
Jeez, what a worm.
835
01:05:52,484 --> 01:05:57,572
Oh-- Darn, it's locked.
836
01:06:01,576 --> 01:06:03,495
Okay, let's go.
837
01:06:04,162 --> 01:06:06,373
We can't leave her on the patio.
838
01:06:07,248 --> 01:06:10,752
You rather I slip her in the night-deposit
box at the funeral home? Come on.
839
01:06:10,919 --> 01:06:13,254
It's raining all over her.
840
01:06:13,421 --> 01:06:16,091
She can't catch a cold now, Mom.
841
01:06:16,925 --> 01:06:19,678
Clark, we have to at least say something.
842
01:06:19,844 --> 01:06:22,639
Okay, bow your heads, bow your heads.
843
01:06:23,264 --> 01:06:24,849
Oh, God.
844
01:06:26,059 --> 01:06:29,020
Ease our suffering in this,
our moment of great despair.
845
01:06:29,187 --> 01:06:33,983
Yea, admit this good and decent woman
into thine arms and the flock...
846
01:06:34,150 --> 01:06:36,236
...in thine heavenly area up there.
847
01:06:38,113 --> 01:06:42,033
And Moab he laidest down
behind the land of the Canaanites.
848
01:06:42,200 --> 01:06:45,829
And, yea, though the Hindus speak
of karma--
849
01:06:45,995 --> 01:06:48,164
- Clark.
- I implore you...
850
01:06:48,331 --> 01:06:50,875
- ...give her a break.
- Clark.
851
01:06:57,132 --> 01:06:59,968
Clark, this is a serious matter.
I'll do it myself.
852
01:07:00,135 --> 01:07:04,347
Honey, I'm not an ordained minister.
I'm doing my best, okay?
853
01:07:04,848 --> 01:07:08,476
Lord, we love this woman
with all our hearts.
854
01:07:08,643 --> 01:07:11,479
- Let's not overdo it, Mom.
- Shut up.
855
01:07:11,646 --> 01:07:14,107
We know she deserves better than this...
856
01:07:14,274 --> 01:07:18,403
...but my husband wants his beloved family
to get to Walley World...
857
01:07:18,570 --> 01:07:20,155
...to have their vacation.
858
01:07:20,321 --> 01:07:23,283
I hope you understand.
Have mercy on his soul.
859
01:07:23,450 --> 01:07:25,744
Amen. Let's go. Come on.
860
01:07:25,910 --> 01:07:28,955
I hope you kids have learned
something about life and death.
861
01:07:29,122 --> 01:07:32,292
Yeah. Don't die unless somebody's home.
862
01:07:34,002 --> 01:07:37,338
Normie will understand when he sees
the note we pinned on Edna's sleeve.
863
01:07:37,505 --> 01:07:41,509
Sure. You left his dead mother
tied to a lawn chair in his backyard.
864
01:07:41,676 --> 01:07:43,762
I'm sure he won't mind.
865
01:07:43,928 --> 01:07:45,847
Look, it's all over and done with.
866
01:07:46,014 --> 01:07:49,267
We'll find a place to stay and start fresh
in the morning. It's fine.
867
01:07:49,434 --> 01:07:52,228
I don't want to be in the car anymore.
I want to go home.
868
01:07:52,395 --> 01:07:54,189
I don't want to go to Walley World.
869
01:07:54,355 --> 01:07:58,067
Clark, under the circumstances,
I wouldn't mind if we just went home.
870
01:07:58,234 --> 01:08:00,945
In retrospect, it seems like
a pretty bad idea driving out.
871
01:08:01,112 --> 01:08:03,156
It's been one disaster after another.
872
01:08:03,323 --> 01:08:06,201
Yeah, it's been a real drag, Dad.
873
01:08:06,367 --> 01:08:08,536
Maybe we can try it some other time.
874
01:08:08,703 --> 01:08:12,707
- Walley World's overrated anyway.
- What do you think?
875
01:08:12,874 --> 01:08:14,793
[TIRES SQUEAL
876
01:08:16,461 --> 01:08:18,546
I think you're all fucked in the head.
877
01:08:18,713 --> 01:08:22,258
We're ten hours from the fucking
fun park and you want to bail out.
878
01:08:22,425 --> 01:08:25,220
Well, I'll tell you something.
This is no longer a vacation.
879
01:08:25,386 --> 01:08:27,847
It's a quest. It's a quest for fun.
880
01:08:28,598 --> 01:08:30,683
I'm gonna have fun
and you're gonna have fun.
881
01:08:30,850 --> 01:08:32,811
We're all gonna have
so much fucking fun...
882
01:08:32,977 --> 01:08:35,855
...we'll need plastic surgery
to remove our goddamn smiles.
883
01:08:36,022 --> 01:08:39,484
You'll be whistling "zippity-doo-dah"
out of your assholes.
884
01:08:40,944 --> 01:08:43,988
I gotta be crazy. I'm on a pilgrimage
to see a moose.
885
01:08:44,155 --> 01:08:47,992
Praise Marty Moose. Holy shit.
886
01:08:48,993 --> 01:08:50,912
Dad, do you want
an aspirin or something?
887
01:08:51,746 --> 01:08:52,914
Don't touch.
888
01:09:07,470 --> 01:09:09,430
Next time you have
one of your outbursts...
889
01:09:09,597 --> 01:09:12,600
...I'd appreciate if you'd have
some consideration for your kids.
890
01:09:12,767 --> 01:09:15,019
- What are you talking about?
- You don't know?
891
01:09:15,186 --> 01:09:18,356
All I know is I'm trying to treat my family
to a little fun.
892
01:09:18,523 --> 01:09:20,942
Spare me, Clark.
I know your brand of family fun.
893
01:09:21,109 --> 01:09:24,320
Tomorrow you'll probably
kill the desk clerk, hold up a McDonald's...
894
01:09:24,487 --> 01:09:28,741
...and drive us a thousand miles out of the
way to see the world's largest ball of mud.
895
01:09:28,908 --> 01:09:31,202
You know what your problem is, Ellen?
896
01:09:32,453 --> 01:09:36,332
You have a knack for looking at the
dark side of things. That's your problem.
897
01:09:37,667 --> 01:09:40,086
You wouldn't know a good time
if it bit you.
898
01:09:40,253 --> 01:09:43,131
- Where are you going?
- What do you care?
899
01:11:14,263 --> 01:11:16,599
Waiting for someone?
900
01:11:17,433 --> 01:11:20,770
No. Ahem.
Do you mind if I sit down?
901
01:11:22,605 --> 01:11:24,524
Fancy seeing you here.
902
01:11:25,066 --> 01:11:27,860
Having a nice little family vacation?
903
01:11:30,446 --> 01:11:32,991
Oh. No.
904
01:11:33,157 --> 01:11:35,994
It would appear so, wouldn't it? No, no.
905
01:11:36,160 --> 01:11:39,789
No, the truth of it is,
and this is highly confidential...
906
01:11:40,248 --> 01:11:42,333
...I own this motel.
907
01:11:43,334 --> 01:11:47,338
Own the whole chain, nationwide.
Twenty-two hundred units.
908
01:11:48,548 --> 01:11:52,135
Yeah, once a year,
I travel across the country, incognito.
909
01:11:52,301 --> 01:11:54,846
Check things out,
and see how the operation is running.
910
01:11:55,013 --> 01:11:57,557
I thought you were gonna say
you worked for the CIA.
911
01:12:00,393 --> 01:12:03,021
- That's an old bit, huh?
- Really.
912
01:12:03,187 --> 01:12:06,065
Oh, no. No, I'm not with the CIA.
913
01:12:06,232 --> 01:12:09,110
I was, but that was a long time ago.
914
01:12:09,277 --> 01:12:11,863
I don't like to talk about it, really.
915
01:12:12,238 --> 01:12:15,491
No, I'm mostly interested
in my motels now.
916
01:12:15,658 --> 01:12:18,369
- And my airline.
- That's great.
917
01:12:18,536 --> 01:12:20,788
I'm just trying to have a little fun.
918
01:12:20,955 --> 01:12:23,124
It's too bad you're married.
919
01:12:23,291 --> 01:12:25,251
I'm in the mood for some fun.
920
01:12:25,960 --> 01:12:27,378
Married?
921
01:12:27,545 --> 01:12:30,131
Oh, you mean those people I'm with?
922
01:12:30,298 --> 01:12:32,383
That's my brother's family.
923
01:12:32,550 --> 01:12:34,052
My brother's ring.
924
01:12:34,218 --> 01:12:38,056
I usually borrow them on
these little inspection tours of mine.
925
01:12:38,806 --> 01:12:42,852
It sort of helps to complete the disguise.
It's fun for them.
926
01:12:43,019 --> 01:12:46,355
It's a good disguise.
I like the station-wagon effect.
927
01:12:46,522 --> 01:12:49,567
Yeah? Well, that's a big part of it.
928
01:12:49,734 --> 01:12:54,781
You know, in order to be convincing, you
have to look and act like an ordinary jerk.
929
01:12:56,574 --> 01:13:00,828
You know, stop at all the stupid sites
and look like a fool.
930
01:13:01,454 --> 01:13:03,748
Basically, be yourself?
931
01:13:03,915 --> 01:13:05,500
Yeah.
932
01:13:06,000 --> 01:13:08,127
You like the disguise?
933
01:13:12,090 --> 01:13:16,511
Yeah, my credo is,
if you have to have a credo...
934
01:13:16,677 --> 01:13:19,388
...you know, "Go for it," pretty much.
935
01:13:19,555 --> 01:13:23,893
You only go around this crazy
merry-go-round once. You know?
936
01:13:24,060 --> 01:13:26,729
- I agree.
- Yeah.
937
01:13:31,692 --> 01:13:33,820
Yeah, that's my credo.
938
01:13:37,532 --> 01:13:40,451
You don't have to have a credo, but...
939
01:13:40,618 --> 01:13:41,911
If the fur fits, wear it.
940
01:13:42,078 --> 01:13:45,581
A penny saved, pennies from heaven.
941
01:13:45,748 --> 01:13:49,502
My favorite credo, oh, ha-ha...
942
01:13:52,588 --> 01:13:56,634
...um, you know, a penny saved, and...
943
01:13:56,801 --> 01:13:58,302
Thank you.
944
01:14:02,765 --> 01:14:05,226
Wow. This feels great.
945
01:14:07,645 --> 01:14:08,938
Well...
946
01:14:09,105 --> 01:14:11,065
...are you gonna go for it?
947
01:14:11,899 --> 01:14:13,484
Uh-- Here?
948
01:14:13,651 --> 01:14:15,611
For starters, sure.
949
01:14:15,778 --> 01:14:18,781
Why not? Don't you swim?
950
01:14:18,948 --> 01:14:20,741
Oh, sure. Ha-ha.
951
01:14:20,908 --> 01:14:25,997
Sure, I took third in the state finals
in my senior year.
952
01:14:26,372 --> 01:14:28,958
Yeah, I swim. Heck, yes.
953
01:14:29,125 --> 01:14:32,378
Oh, yeah, I feel completely at ease
in the water.
954
01:14:32,545 --> 01:14:34,922
Yeah, I...
955
01:14:35,089 --> 01:14:37,049
I'm proficient in many strokes and I dive.
956
01:14:37,216 --> 01:14:40,178
As a matter of fact,
I could've been in the Olympics.
957
01:14:40,928 --> 01:14:45,308
Yeah, uh... Yeah, I'll be right there.
958
01:14:46,017 --> 01:14:47,476
Yeah.
959
01:14:48,603 --> 01:14:51,522
This is crazy, this is crazy,
this is crazy.
960
01:14:53,691 --> 01:14:55,902
- How's the water?
- Exhilarating.
961
01:14:56,986 --> 01:15:00,156
I'm in deep, I'm in deep.
962
01:15:04,327 --> 01:15:06,162
Ah! Cold!
963
01:15:06,329 --> 01:15:09,373
Jesus. Fuck. Ah!
964
01:15:10,082 --> 01:15:11,626
Clark?
965
01:15:11,792 --> 01:15:13,044
Cold!
966
01:15:14,003 --> 01:15:15,588
Jesus! Ah!
967
01:15:23,596 --> 01:15:25,264
Clark?
968
01:15:25,848 --> 01:15:28,351
- Hi, honey.
- What are you doing?
969
01:15:28,517 --> 01:15:29,685
Uh-- Swimming.
970
01:15:29,852 --> 01:15:33,147
Yeah, my back was killing me.
971
01:15:33,314 --> 01:15:37,193
I thought, you know, a good hot swim
would loosen up the muscles.
972
01:15:37,360 --> 01:15:40,488
Why go to the car and get
the bathing suit? Jump right in.
973
01:15:41,197 --> 01:15:43,032
It's exhilarating.
974
01:15:43,199 --> 01:15:47,245
Guess what, honey?
This person here was here.
975
01:15:47,662 --> 01:15:49,789
I didn't see this person...
976
01:15:49,956 --> 01:15:53,501
...so I screamed, that's why I yelled.
I was so surprised.
977
01:15:53,668 --> 01:15:56,170
You can imagine, can't you, honey?
978
01:16:00,132 --> 01:16:01,175
Honey?
979
01:16:14,355 --> 01:16:16,190
Will you excuse me?
980
01:16:16,357 --> 01:16:17,566
If you have to go.
981
01:16:18,985 --> 01:16:21,779
Well, I'd stay if I weren't married,
but I am.
982
01:16:21,946 --> 01:16:23,531
I know.
983
01:16:24,031 --> 01:16:28,536
- I hope I didn't spoil your evening.
- No, it's been interesting.
984
01:16:29,412 --> 01:16:31,372
Well, enjoy the rest of your trip.
985
01:16:31,539 --> 01:16:33,165
You, too.
986
01:16:41,882 --> 01:16:44,218
I can't believe this.
987
01:16:44,969 --> 01:16:48,431
I am so humiliated.
988
01:16:50,057 --> 01:16:52,560
Cut it out, Audrey. You don't even know
how to inhale.
989
01:16:52,727 --> 01:16:54,186
So?
990
01:16:54,353 --> 01:16:56,480
Maybe I don't want to.
991
01:16:56,647 --> 01:16:59,025
You're such a dork, Audrey.
992
01:17:00,067 --> 01:17:02,695
How can he do this to Mom?
993
01:17:03,237 --> 01:17:05,448
They'll probably get a divorce.
994
01:17:05,614 --> 01:17:07,116
I'd better go talk to him.
995
01:17:11,996 --> 01:17:14,081
- Hey, squirt.
- Hey, Dad.
996
01:17:14,248 --> 01:17:15,333
What are you doing up?
997
01:17:16,584 --> 01:17:18,461
You woke the whole motel up, Dad.
998
01:17:21,505 --> 01:17:23,215
I was swimming.
999
01:17:23,382 --> 01:17:24,633
Yeah, I saw you.
1000
01:17:26,761 --> 01:17:28,596
Russ, come here a minute.
1001
01:17:31,474 --> 01:17:32,641
Russ...
1002
01:17:32,808 --> 01:17:35,686
...you know I wouldn't do anything
to hurt your mom.
1003
01:17:37,104 --> 01:17:39,607
It's been a long drive...
1004
01:17:40,608 --> 01:17:41,942
...and, jeez, I work...
1005
01:17:42,109 --> 01:17:46,280
I work very hard for you
and Audrey and your mom.
1006
01:17:48,699 --> 01:17:52,870
I guess when you get older
you get these feelings...
1007
01:17:53,412 --> 01:17:57,750
...and these feelings make you do things
you wouldn't normally do.
1008
01:17:58,209 --> 01:18:01,712
- Like swimming naked with girls?
- Yeah. Like swimming naked with girls.
1009
01:18:01,879 --> 01:18:04,632
Well, not with girls.
You think I was swimming with girls?
1010
01:18:04,799 --> 01:18:07,760
It was just one girl. I saw that girl.
1011
01:18:07,927 --> 01:18:09,178
Who, that girl?
1012
01:18:09,345 --> 01:18:12,139
Oh, no, that's a waitress.
No, I was just ordering in.
1013
01:18:12,306 --> 01:18:14,975
She's a pool waitress. I was...
1014
01:18:15,142 --> 01:18:18,562
...ordering some fish for you
and Audrey and Mom.
1015
01:18:18,729 --> 01:18:22,149
- She took your order?
- She took my order, yeah. Ha-ha.
1016
01:18:22,316 --> 01:18:24,360
Swimming waitress.
1017
01:18:24,527 --> 01:18:26,153
You understand, don't you, Russ?
1018
01:18:26,320 --> 01:18:29,323
Sure, I understand.
1019
01:18:29,657 --> 01:18:31,742
Do you think Mom will buy it?
1020
01:18:33,828 --> 01:18:35,788
Good talk, son.
1021
01:18:36,914 --> 01:18:38,791
Go to bed, Russ.
1022
01:18:39,166 --> 01:18:40,668
Goodnight.
1023
01:18:44,713 --> 01:18:46,215
Ellen?
1024
01:18:49,844 --> 01:18:51,345
Ellen?
1025
01:18:51,595 --> 01:18:53,139
Honey?
1026
01:18:55,599 --> 01:18:57,226
Are you mad?
1027
01:18:58,102 --> 01:18:59,854
No.
1028
01:19:01,355 --> 01:19:03,524
Do you like that girl?
1029
01:19:04,442 --> 01:19:06,360
Is that what you want?
1030
01:19:06,527 --> 01:19:09,738
Oh, no. No, no, no.
1031
01:19:09,905 --> 01:19:12,158
How could I like a girl like that?
1032
01:19:12,324 --> 01:19:14,201
She's ugly.
1033
01:19:15,077 --> 01:19:16,871
I love you.
1034
01:19:19,623 --> 01:19:22,251
I'm sorry about everything.
1035
01:19:22,418 --> 01:19:24,712
I got angry because you were right
and I knew it.
1036
01:19:24,879 --> 01:19:26,714
I was hurt, honey.
1037
01:19:26,881 --> 01:19:29,800
I'm sorry, too. It's not all your fault.
1038
01:19:29,967 --> 01:19:31,760
I know you've been trying.
1039
01:19:31,927 --> 01:19:34,221
I'm gonna try, too.
1040
01:19:35,973 --> 01:19:38,058
I know how to have fun.
1041
01:19:38,893 --> 01:19:40,728
And I'm going to prove it.
1042
01:19:41,479 --> 01:19:44,190
- Come on. Come on. Come on.
- Ellen? What are we doing?
1043
01:19:44,356 --> 01:19:46,734
Honey, you don't have
to prove anything to me.
1044
01:19:46,901 --> 01:19:50,529
Come on, Clark.
I want us to have some fun together.
1045
01:19:51,530 --> 01:19:54,575
- Come on.
- The water's very--
1046
01:19:55,242 --> 01:19:57,161
Fuck! Aah!
1047
01:20:28,108 --> 01:20:30,361
We must be getting close.
1048
01:20:30,528 --> 01:20:32,947
We're almost there.
Everybody just take it easy.
1049
01:20:33,113 --> 01:20:36,575
Just take it easy. We're gonna be there.
1050
01:20:38,953 --> 01:20:42,748
I know we're getting close.
What is that? What is that?
1051
01:20:42,915 --> 01:20:44,333
There it is.
1052
01:20:44,500 --> 01:20:46,001
Walley World, next three exits.
1053
01:20:46,168 --> 01:20:49,338
- Dad! Whoa!
- Walley World!
1054
01:20:50,673 --> 01:20:53,133
We made it, damn it. We made it.
1055
01:20:54,134 --> 01:20:57,388
The Griswolds are one hell
of a family, huh? We made it!
1056
01:21:00,641 --> 01:21:03,602
Don't get too much sun, now.
Watch out. Watch out.
1057
01:21:08,899 --> 01:21:10,651
It's beautiful.
1058
01:21:10,818 --> 01:21:13,445
It's just beautiful.
1059
01:21:14,488 --> 01:21:16,907
Oh, darling.
1060
01:21:18,909 --> 01:21:23,998
- We made it.
- You did it, Clark. Sparky.
1061
01:21:24,164 --> 01:21:26,667
I love you guys. I love. I love.
1062
01:21:40,306 --> 01:21:42,933
Aah. First ones here. First ones here.
1063
01:21:46,061 --> 01:21:47,896
First ones here.
1064
01:21:48,063 --> 01:21:50,357
But we're so far away, Clark.
1065
01:21:50,524 --> 01:21:53,861
Right, right. And at the end of the day,
when the lot's all full...
1066
01:21:54,028 --> 01:21:57,656
...and everybody's fighting to get out,
we'll be the first ones out, too.
1067
01:21:59,033 --> 01:22:03,370
Why? Because we're the Griswolds.
1068
01:22:05,539 --> 01:22:07,374
Come on, I'll race you.
1069
01:23:18,112 --> 01:23:20,656
Sorry, folks.
We're closed for two weeks...
1070
01:23:20,823 --> 01:23:25,285
...to clean and repair
America's favorite family fun park. Sorry.
1071
01:23:30,332 --> 01:23:31,542
Sorry, folks. We're closed...
1072
01:23:31,709 --> 01:23:33,669
Clark. What are you doing?
1073
01:23:33,836 --> 01:23:35,879
We watch his program.
1074
01:23:36,046 --> 01:23:39,133
We buy his toys. We go to his movies.
He owes us.
1075
01:23:39,299 --> 01:23:41,176
Doesn't he owe us, huh?
1076
01:23:41,343 --> 01:23:42,970
He owes the Griswolds, right?
1077
01:23:43,137 --> 01:23:44,805
Fucking A right, he owes us.
1078
01:23:44,972 --> 01:23:47,725
- Clark, you're scaring me.
- Don't be scared.
1079
01:23:47,891 --> 01:23:50,769
I just think somebody owes us
an explanation, that's all.
1080
01:23:50,936 --> 01:23:55,190
- Come on. Come on, come on.
- Clark, now just a minute.
1081
01:24:14,251 --> 01:24:16,754
Honey, you wanna check the mileage
for me, please?
1082
01:24:16,920 --> 01:24:19,548
- Where are you going?
- I'll be right back.
1083
01:24:19,715 --> 01:24:21,675
I'm just gonna get some sporting goods.
1084
01:24:23,844 --> 01:24:25,804
Thank you, thank you.
1085
01:24:33,687 --> 01:24:35,647
Clark, will you listen to me?
1086
01:24:35,814 --> 01:24:39,026
Let's just find a hotel. I'll call my parents,
they'll wire us money.
1087
01:24:39,193 --> 01:24:41,695
We can fly home and forget
this vacation ever happened.
1088
01:24:41,862 --> 01:24:45,365
Honey, relax. I told you I'm not angry
anymore. I'm in complete control.
1089
01:24:45,532 --> 01:24:48,368
I'm sure they're not repairing every ride
at the same time.
1090
01:24:48,535 --> 01:24:51,455
I think they owe us a little explanation
and a little fun, okay?
1091
01:24:51,622 --> 01:24:54,708
Whatever happens, just trust me.
Will you just trust me? Huh, kids?
1092
01:25:00,672 --> 01:25:04,343
Sorry, folks, park's closed.
The moose out front should have told you.
1093
01:25:04,510 --> 01:25:08,013
- Yes, we're here to see Mr. Roy Walley.
- What is your name, sir?
1094
01:25:08,180 --> 01:25:10,307
Clark W. Griswold.
1095
01:25:12,893 --> 01:25:14,520
What's this regarding, Mr. Gristle?
1096
01:25:14,686 --> 01:25:18,106
We're here, public relations--
Summer inspection.
1097
01:25:18,273 --> 01:25:20,526
Personal matter. Inspection.
1098
01:25:23,904 --> 01:25:28,075
Well, nobody notified
this office of anything.
1099
01:25:28,242 --> 01:25:30,452
Well, I'm notifying you.
1100
01:25:30,619 --> 01:25:32,746
I'm afraid I'm gonna need
more than that, sir.
1101
01:25:32,913 --> 01:25:34,748
Okey-dokey. How's this?
1102
01:25:36,542 --> 01:25:39,878
Clark, have you lost your mind?
Where did you get that?
1103
01:25:40,045 --> 01:25:42,339
Sporting goods store.
You listen to me, fat ass.
1104
01:25:42,506 --> 01:25:44,758
Do what I say
and there won't be any problem, okay?
1105
01:25:44,925 --> 01:25:49,263
We just drove 2460 miles,
just for a little Roy Walley entertainment.
1106
01:25:49,429 --> 01:25:51,598
The moose says you're closed.
I say you're open.
1107
01:25:51,765 --> 01:25:54,226
We're not really violent people.
1108
01:25:54,393 --> 01:25:56,228
This is our first gun.
1109
01:25:56,395 --> 01:25:58,272
No, it isn't.
1110
01:25:58,730 --> 01:26:01,817
- What's going on here?
- You. Freeze. Freeze.
1111
01:26:01,984 --> 01:26:04,695
Sit! Sit, come on.
1112
01:26:04,862 --> 01:26:07,573
Lie down. Let's go, lie down.
1113
01:26:08,615 --> 01:26:10,075
Roll over.
1114
01:26:10,617 --> 01:26:12,035
Stay.
1115
01:26:13,787 --> 01:26:17,791
Okay. Okay. Let's ride.
Let's ride. Come on.
1116
01:26:17,958 --> 01:26:19,459
Stay.
1117
01:26:23,088 --> 01:26:26,300
Yee-hoo. This is scary, isn't it?
1118
01:26:26,466 --> 01:26:29,636
Make sure you keep your hands
on the handlebars at all times.
1119
01:26:29,803 --> 01:26:32,848
- We don't want any accidents.
- Is that a real gun, Mom?
1120
01:26:33,015 --> 01:26:36,602
I don't know, Rusty.
But when this is all over...
1121
01:26:36,768 --> 01:26:39,396
...your father may be going away
for a little while.
1122
01:26:39,563 --> 01:26:43,150
Boy, I sure am bushed.
Have you had enough yet, sir?
1123
01:26:43,317 --> 01:26:45,193
What do you mean, bushed?
1124
01:26:45,360 --> 01:26:47,154
Where are the big rides? The big ones?
1125
01:26:52,951 --> 01:26:55,412
Screamie Mimi! Let's go. Get in the front.
1126
01:26:55,579 --> 01:26:56,997
Come on.
1127
01:27:01,084 --> 01:27:03,587
Has your father
ever killed anyone before?
1128
01:27:03,754 --> 01:27:06,548
Oh, just a dog. Oh, and my Aunt Edna.
1129
01:27:06,715 --> 01:27:10,052
- Hey. You can't prove that, Rusty.
- Ooh.
1130
01:27:12,054 --> 01:27:14,681
Rusty? May I call you Rusty?
1131
01:27:14,848 --> 01:27:17,601
I had a bad experience
on this ride once before.
1132
01:27:17,768 --> 01:27:19,186
What happened?
1133
01:27:19,353 --> 01:27:20,437
I threw up.
1134
01:27:36,036 --> 01:27:38,121
No, don't do that again.
1135
01:28:47,816 --> 01:28:49,818
[CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY
1136
01:29:15,552 --> 01:29:18,930
Goodie, goodie, goodie! The Loop-D-Loop.
Come on, get in there. Let's go.
1137
01:29:19,097 --> 01:29:21,308
- Please, don't push.
- Come on, Audrey.
1138
01:29:21,475 --> 01:29:23,560
Isn't this fun, honey? Come on.
1139
01:29:25,604 --> 01:29:28,023
That's not a real gun, is it, Clark?
1140
01:29:28,190 --> 01:29:30,275
What? Are you kidding?
This is a Magnum P.I.
1141
01:29:30,442 --> 01:29:32,027
It's a BB gun.
1142
01:29:32,194 --> 01:29:34,321
Don't try me. I could
put an eye out with this.
1143
01:29:34,488 --> 01:29:37,991
- You couldn't break the skin with that.
- It could. It could break the skin.
1144
01:29:38,158 --> 01:29:40,744
It could lodge under the skin
and cause a bad infection.
1145
01:29:40,911 --> 01:29:44,331
- That's an old wives' tale, Clark. I'm telling.
- You're not going--
1146
01:29:44,498 --> 01:29:46,666
Clark.
1147
01:29:46,833 --> 01:29:48,502
See, I told you. I warned you.
1148
01:29:48,668 --> 01:29:51,004
If you wrecked these pants,
you're paying for them.
1149
01:29:51,171 --> 01:29:54,049
Yeah, I'll pay for them.
You'll pay for them.
1150
01:29:54,758 --> 01:29:57,344
- Why did you shoot me?
- It's a BB gun. I told you.
1151
01:29:57,511 --> 01:29:59,137
- Well it hurt.
- What do you want?
1152
01:29:59,304 --> 01:30:01,306
- Why'd you shoot me?
- You tried to run away.
1153
01:30:01,473 --> 01:30:03,600
- I wasn't going anywhere.
- I thought you were.
1154
01:30:03,767 --> 01:30:05,102
This is great, Dad!
1155
01:31:06,413 --> 01:31:07,706
Freeze!
1156
01:31:11,334 --> 01:31:12,586
Don't shoot.
1157
01:31:13,503 --> 01:31:15,255
You, out.
1158
01:31:15,422 --> 01:31:18,258
All right, hands behind your heads.
1159
01:31:18,425 --> 01:31:20,468
Spread your legs apart.
1160
01:31:20,635 --> 01:31:23,889
And up against the wall.
You two, over there.
1161
01:31:27,058 --> 01:31:29,853
- Just a BB gun.
- You're all under arrest.
1162
01:31:30,020 --> 01:31:32,105
You have the right to remain silent.
1163
01:31:32,272 --> 01:31:35,817
- If you give up the right to remain silent--
- Watch your hands, mister.
1164
01:31:35,984 --> 01:31:37,944
--in a court of law.
1165
01:31:42,407 --> 01:31:45,702
How many are there? A lot of them?
What, five? What, are they Arabs?
1166
01:31:45,869 --> 01:31:48,163
Whatever they want, pay them.
We'll pay them.
1167
01:31:48,330 --> 01:31:50,457
- What's going on?
- We've got it under control.
1168
01:31:50,624 --> 01:31:52,292
- These people are terrorists.
- Where?
1169
01:31:52,459 --> 01:31:53,668
- There.
- Them?
1170
01:31:53,835 --> 01:31:56,588
- Hello, Mr. Walley.
- He treated me like a dog, Mr. Walley.
1171
01:31:56,755 --> 01:31:59,674
- He humiliated my human decency!
- What did he do with your dog?
1172
01:31:59,841 --> 01:32:02,802
He kidnapped me, but I wanna tell you,
I had a great time.
1173
01:32:02,969 --> 01:32:06,681
It's the most fantastic time I ever had.
I like where I was way up high--
1174
01:32:06,848 --> 01:32:09,184
I'm glad you liked it.
Now, what's happening?
1175
01:32:09,351 --> 01:32:10,977
- That's Roy Walley, honey.
- I know!
1176
01:32:11,144 --> 01:32:12,979
Mr. Walley, my name is Russ Lasky.
1177
01:32:13,146 --> 01:32:15,982
- I met you at the summer picnic last year.
- I don't remember.
1178
01:32:16,149 --> 01:32:18,568
- They kidnapped my men.
- I was the one who was sick.
1179
01:32:18,735 --> 01:32:21,821
Anyway, I went on all the rides,
and I didn't get sick this time.
1180
01:32:21,988 --> 01:32:24,741
- Normally, I get sick on all your rides--
- Quiet!
1181
01:32:26,660 --> 01:32:30,413
Uh-- Mr. Walley? Roy?
1182
01:32:30,914 --> 01:32:33,416
I think I can make some sense out of this.
1183
01:32:33,583 --> 01:32:35,835
Well, somebody better explain...
1184
01:32:36,002 --> 01:32:38,672
...or there'll be a lot of explaining to do.
1185
01:32:38,838 --> 01:32:41,633
- I'm Clark W. Griswold.
- Uh-huh.
1186
01:32:41,800 --> 01:32:44,427
And, oh, this is my wife, Ellen.
1187
01:32:44,594 --> 01:32:48,473
Hi. We're really big fans of yours.
We watch your show all the time.
1188
01:32:48,765 --> 01:32:51,309
And my children, Audrey and Rusty.
1189
01:32:52,185 --> 01:32:54,271
- Nice family.
- Heh-heh.
1190
01:32:56,356 --> 01:33:00,110
- We're from Chicago, Roy. The Windy City.
- Yes, I've been there many times.
1191
01:33:00,277 --> 01:33:05,365
We just spent two weeks of living hell
driving out here.
1192
01:33:05,865 --> 01:33:08,827
We lost a very dear member
of the family along the way.
1193
01:33:11,037 --> 01:33:12,539
But the important thing, Roy...
1194
01:33:12,706 --> 01:33:15,750
...is that we could've gone anywhere
we wanted to this summer.
1195
01:33:15,917 --> 01:33:17,502
Anywhere in the world.
1196
01:33:17,669 --> 01:33:19,462
But when I asked my kids...
1197
01:33:19,629 --> 01:33:24,050
And I said-- Kids, remember when I said,
"Where would you like to go this summer?"
1198
01:33:24,217 --> 01:33:26,052
- What did you say?
- Hawaii?
1199
01:33:26,219 --> 01:33:28,555
Shut up, Russ. Audrey, you remember?
1200
01:33:29,014 --> 01:33:31,224
Uh-- Walley World, Dad?
1201
01:33:31,391 --> 01:33:34,894
Walley World, Dad. Roy Walley World.
1202
01:33:35,270 --> 01:33:37,063
I don't imagine you have any children.
1203
01:33:37,230 --> 01:33:39,274
Are you kidding? I have seven.
1204
01:33:39,441 --> 01:33:41,943
I thought so.
Seven, did you hear that, honey?
1205
01:33:42,527 --> 01:33:44,237
You look so young.
1206
01:33:44,779 --> 01:33:46,990
- You do look very young.
- Oh? Well.
1207
01:33:47,157 --> 01:33:48,992
Did you ever drive them across country?
1208
01:33:49,159 --> 01:33:50,368
Oh, hell yes.
1209
01:33:50,535 --> 01:33:54,873
I took the whole clan to Florida one year.
The worst two weeks I ever had in my life.
1210
01:33:55,040 --> 01:33:58,001
The smell from the back seat
was unbearable. You know families.
1211
01:33:58,168 --> 01:34:00,754
I know that smell. I know that smell.
1212
01:34:00,920 --> 01:34:05,175
But, Roy, can you imagine
how your kids would've felt...
1213
01:34:05,342 --> 01:34:07,427
...if when you got to Florida,
it was closed?
1214
01:34:07,594 --> 01:34:08,970
Oh, they don't close Florida.
1215
01:34:09,137 --> 01:34:13,183
I know they don't close
the state of Florida. But, you know...
1216
01:34:13,350 --> 01:34:15,769
...when we got here,
to Roy Walley World...
1217
01:34:15,935 --> 01:34:18,104
...and it was closed down, Roy...
1218
01:34:18,271 --> 01:34:20,648
If you had seen the look
on my kids' faces...
1219
01:34:20,815 --> 01:34:24,110
- I just went a little haywire.
- You went a lot haywire, if you ask me.
1220
01:34:24,277 --> 01:34:27,113
Well, I'm very sorry, sir.
And I'm sorry to all these people.
1221
01:34:27,280 --> 01:34:29,491
I didn't mean any harm.
1222
01:34:29,657 --> 01:34:33,244
I just want you to ask yourself one thing.
If you were...
1223
01:34:33,787 --> 01:34:35,080
If you were me...
1224
01:34:35,246 --> 01:34:38,041
...wouldn't you do the same thing
for your children?
1225
01:34:38,208 --> 01:34:40,543
- No.
- We're all finished here, Mr. Walley.
1226
01:34:40,710 --> 01:34:43,338
You want me to take them downtown
and book them?
1227
01:34:47,133 --> 01:34:48,676
No. No.
1228
01:34:48,843 --> 01:34:51,262
Forget it, officer.
I'm not gonna press any charges.
1229
01:34:55,809 --> 01:34:59,312
Walley. Good, huh?
What did I tell you? Did I say trust me?
90697