Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,167 --> 00:00:04,597
- Good afternoon, eleanor.
What can I get you today?
2
00:00:04,605 --> 00:00:06,735
- Whoa.
Lot of new flavors.
3
00:00:06,741 --> 00:00:08,341
- Michael felt bad
about the sinkhole,
4
00:00:08,342 --> 00:00:10,312
so he wanted to
give you all a little treat.
5
00:00:10,311 --> 00:00:14,481
I recommend
"full cell phone battery."
6
00:00:14,482 --> 00:00:16,082
- whoa.
7
00:00:16,083 --> 00:00:18,553
It somehow tastes how I felt
when my cell phone
8
00:00:18,552 --> 00:00:20,122
was fully charged.
9
00:00:20,121 --> 00:00:21,751
Oh, I'm so relaxed.
10
00:00:21,756 --> 00:00:23,156
But they all look good.
11
00:00:23,157 --> 00:00:24,757
This might take me
a while.
12
00:00:24,759 --> 00:00:27,189
You know what, gunnar, uh,
why don't you go ahead?
13
00:00:27,194 --> 00:00:28,594
- Thanks so much, eleanor.
- Mm-hmm.
14
00:00:28,596 --> 00:00:30,356
- What can I get you, gunnar?
- Hi, janet.
15
00:00:30,364 --> 00:00:33,134
Can I have some folded laundry?
- Coming up.
16
00:00:33,134 --> 00:00:36,544
[indistinct chatter]
17
00:00:37,438 --> 00:00:40,438
[upbeat music]
18
00:00:40,441 --> 00:00:42,111
♪ ♪
19
00:00:42,109 --> 00:00:43,679
- chidi!
20
00:00:43,677 --> 00:00:44,677
You'll never believe it.
21
00:00:44,678 --> 00:00:46,048
I was at the frozen yogurt place
22
00:00:46,047 --> 00:00:47,577
and I didn't know what I wanted,
23
00:00:47,581 --> 00:00:49,111
so I turned to the guy behind
me, and I was like,
24
00:00:49,116 --> 00:00:50,776
"why don't you go ahead?"
[gasps]
25
00:00:50,785 --> 00:00:53,685
just like that!
"why don't you go ahead?"
26
00:00:53,687 --> 00:00:55,087
- o-okay?
27
00:00:55,089 --> 00:00:56,489
- Dude, you don't understand!
28
00:00:56,490 --> 00:00:58,760
I never did stuff like that
when I was on earth.
29
00:00:58,759 --> 00:01:01,059
But now, thanks to your
"good person" lessons,
30
00:01:01,062 --> 00:01:02,432
I didn't hold up the line.
31
00:01:02,430 --> 00:01:05,160
I didn't even try a dozen
samples I didn't want
32
00:01:05,166 --> 00:01:07,566
just to spite some jerk who told
me I was holding up the line.
33
00:01:07,568 --> 00:01:08,568
- You do that?
34
00:01:08,569 --> 00:01:11,369
- No, chidi,
I used to do that.
35
00:01:11,372 --> 00:01:14,472
Now I do selfless things without
even thinking about it.
36
00:01:14,475 --> 00:01:15,605
- That's great.
37
00:01:15,609 --> 00:01:17,579
I-I'm proud of you.
38
00:01:17,578 --> 00:01:18,808
So where's our yogurt?
39
00:01:18,813 --> 00:01:20,513
- Ugh.
I forgot it.
40
00:01:20,514 --> 00:01:22,514
Oh...
Can you go?
41
00:01:22,516 --> 00:01:24,216
I don't want to
go all the way back.
42
00:01:24,218 --> 00:01:27,488
I ran all the way here
and it was so hot.
43
00:01:27,488 --> 00:01:32,358
I mean, I will happily get it,
because I told you I would.
44
00:01:35,663 --> 00:01:36,633
Good person.
45
00:01:36,630 --> 00:01:39,670
[mellow music]
46
00:01:39,667 --> 00:01:43,537
♪ ♪
47
00:01:43,537 --> 00:01:45,637
- so, to sum up:
48
00:01:45,638 --> 00:01:47,738
Utilitarianism posits
that the correct choice
49
00:01:47,741 --> 00:01:50,611
is the one that causes
the most good or pleasure,
50
00:01:50,611 --> 00:01:52,741
and the least pain
and suffering.
51
00:01:52,746 --> 00:01:55,406
- I like this one.
It's simple.
52
00:01:55,416 --> 00:01:58,176
Ugh, screw all the other
complicated theories,
53
00:01:58,185 --> 00:01:59,485
why didn't you
start with this one?
54
00:01:59,487 --> 00:02:01,687
- Ah, but here's the problem.
55
00:02:01,688 --> 00:02:03,888
If all that matters is the
sum total of "goodness,"
56
00:02:03,891 --> 00:02:06,431
then you can justify
any number of bad actions,
57
00:02:06,427 --> 00:02:09,457
like torturing one innocent
person to save a hundred,
58
00:02:09,463 --> 00:02:10,703
or preemptive war--
59
00:02:10,698 --> 00:02:12,198
- oh, dip, I get it.
60
00:02:12,199 --> 00:02:14,129
It's like, I knew
this girl sheila?
61
00:02:14,135 --> 00:02:17,495
She was a black market alligator
dealer with a pierced jawbone.
62
00:02:17,505 --> 00:02:19,735
- Um, okay, what?
63
00:02:19,740 --> 00:02:22,540
- Sheila was gonna get married
to my boy, donkey doug
64
00:02:22,543 --> 00:02:24,543
and make him
move to sarasota.
65
00:02:24,545 --> 00:02:26,675
It would've broken up
my whole break dancing crew
66
00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:29,250
and donkey doug
was our best pop-and-locker.
67
00:02:29,250 --> 00:02:31,350
So I hid a bunch of stolen
boogie boards
68
00:02:31,352 --> 00:02:33,822
in sheila's garage
and called the cops.
69
00:02:33,821 --> 00:02:36,291
I framed one innocent
gator dealer
70
00:02:36,290 --> 00:02:38,890
to save a 60-person
dance crew.
71
00:02:38,893 --> 00:02:42,163
- Shockingly,
that is a relevant example
72
00:02:42,163 --> 00:02:43,603
of the utilitarian dilemma.
73
00:02:43,597 --> 00:02:45,397
Well done.
- Thanks!
74
00:02:45,399 --> 00:02:47,569
Um...
75
00:02:47,568 --> 00:02:49,598
- Uh, yes, jianyu?
- Can I be excused?
76
00:02:49,603 --> 00:02:51,773
Tahani's doing a brunch party
and I want to get there
77
00:02:51,772 --> 00:02:53,572
before all the
mini-waffles run out.
78
00:02:53,574 --> 00:02:56,214
- Go ahead, man.
- Yes!
79
00:02:57,244 --> 00:03:00,484
- So, you want to roll
right into another lesson?
80
00:03:00,481 --> 00:03:02,311
I am revved up to learn, man.
81
00:03:02,316 --> 00:03:03,716
My brain is horny!
82
00:03:03,717 --> 00:03:05,247
- Um, can we
take a little break?
83
00:03:05,252 --> 00:03:06,892
I've been standing at this
chalkboard all day.
84
00:03:06,887 --> 00:03:08,397
- Oh, yeah, I get it.
85
00:03:08,405 --> 00:03:09,915
Oh, you could, um,
grade my paper I wrote
86
00:03:09,924 --> 00:03:11,664
on the concept of dharma.
87
00:03:11,659 --> 00:03:14,489
Six pages, and I didn't even
do that thing
88
00:03:14,495 --> 00:03:16,955
where I try to make it longer by
starting every sentence with
89
00:03:16,964 --> 00:03:18,234
"interestingly..."
90
00:03:18,232 --> 00:03:20,502
- sure, I'll do that
and, uh...
91
00:03:20,501 --> 00:03:22,701
We can start another lesson.
92
00:03:26,874 --> 00:03:29,234
- Ah, tahani.
93
00:03:29,226 --> 00:03:31,576
I've been working on my western
hemisphere brunch banter.
94
00:03:31,579 --> 00:03:33,549
Tell me what you think.
95
00:03:33,547 --> 00:03:35,807
That "new yorker"
article was crazy.
96
00:03:35,816 --> 00:03:37,746
You haven't seen
"hamilton"?
97
00:03:37,751 --> 00:03:39,591
Hey, did you hear about
stephanie?
98
00:03:39,587 --> 00:03:42,347
- Very well done, michael.
- Hi, there!
99
00:03:42,356 --> 00:03:47,226
We have a category 55
emergency doomsday crisis.
100
00:03:47,228 --> 00:03:49,958
- A category 55
emergency doomsday crisis?
101
00:03:49,964 --> 00:03:52,114
- Mm-hmm.
102
00:03:52,115 --> 00:03:54,265
- Sorry, what is a category 55
emergency doomsday crisis?
103
00:03:54,268 --> 00:03:56,898
- It's nothing, it's a tiny
little inconvenience.
104
00:03:56,904 --> 00:03:59,974
Tahani, dear, could you show us
to a private room
105
00:03:59,974 --> 00:04:02,544
where no one can see
or hear us, even if I yell
106
00:04:02,543 --> 00:04:05,243
very loudly out of fear?
107
00:04:07,314 --> 00:04:08,514
[device chimes]
108
00:04:08,515 --> 00:04:10,395
[gasps]
109
00:04:10,400 --> 00:04:12,280
- it appears that the sinkhole
is not repairing itself.
110
00:04:12,286 --> 00:04:14,516
- This is very bad, janet.
111
00:04:14,521 --> 00:04:17,391
We have to go into the
sinkhole and fix it by hand.
112
00:04:17,391 --> 00:04:18,661
Get the tools.
113
00:04:18,659 --> 00:04:20,389
- Sorry, can I be
of any service?
114
00:04:20,394 --> 00:04:21,764
- Ah, tahani.
115
00:04:21,762 --> 00:04:24,402
Didn't see you there.
Uh, no, no.
116
00:04:24,398 --> 00:04:25,728
We're just having
a slight problem
117
00:04:25,733 --> 00:04:28,033
with the enormous sinkhole.
118
00:04:28,035 --> 00:04:29,935
- Yes, I meant to tell you--
119
00:04:29,937 --> 00:04:31,967
I walked past it last night
and I actually saw it
120
00:04:31,972 --> 00:04:33,042
get a little bit bigger.
121
00:04:33,040 --> 00:04:34,810
- [screams]
122
00:04:34,808 --> 00:04:36,008
it got bigger?
123
00:04:36,010 --> 00:04:38,610
Ah, well, that's--
that's so normal.
124
00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:40,712
Um, this is the reaction
I have when things
125
00:04:40,714 --> 00:04:42,954
are incredibly mundane
and expected.
126
00:04:42,950 --> 00:04:44,380
I'm gonna leave now...
127
00:04:44,385 --> 00:04:46,385
At my regular pace,
128
00:04:46,387 --> 00:04:49,347
as I do in most scenarios.
129
00:04:55,796 --> 00:04:57,496
- Finally!
130
00:04:57,498 --> 00:04:59,328
Let's get back to it.
131
00:04:59,333 --> 00:05:00,933
Whip out that chalkboard,
big boy, show me
132
00:05:00,934 --> 00:05:03,394
what you're working with.
133
00:05:03,386 --> 00:05:05,836
- Actually, I was going to head
into town and pick up some...
134
00:05:05,839 --> 00:05:06,939
Blankets.
135
00:05:06,940 --> 00:05:09,070
- Great, I'll grab my sweater.
136
00:05:09,076 --> 00:05:10,936
I can practice letting people
cut in front of me.
137
00:05:10,944 --> 00:05:12,944
- You know, uh,
I just realized
138
00:05:12,946 --> 00:05:16,476
that I have blankets,
so I'm going to take a nap
139
00:05:16,483 --> 00:05:18,823
using the several blankets
that I already have.
140
00:05:18,819 --> 00:05:20,049
Good night.
141
00:05:20,054 --> 00:05:21,794
- Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.
142
00:05:21,789 --> 00:05:23,489
What's wrong?
Out with it.
143
00:05:23,490 --> 00:05:24,720
- I'm just tired,
need a break.
144
00:05:24,725 --> 00:05:25,855
No big deal.
145
00:05:25,859 --> 00:05:27,689
- The way you're talking
to me right now?
146
00:05:27,695 --> 00:05:30,325
"everything's cool, no big
deal"--I know that move.
147
00:05:30,331 --> 00:05:33,371
When I told a boyfriend
something was "no big deal,"
148
00:05:33,367 --> 00:05:36,497
it meant anything from "I just
bought weed from your nephew,"
149
00:05:36,503 --> 00:05:39,073
to "I secretly befriended your
ex-girlfriend last year,
150
00:05:39,073 --> 00:05:41,113
things got out of hand,
and now I'm her bridesmaid."
151
00:05:41,108 --> 00:05:43,078
- wow.
152
00:05:43,076 --> 00:05:45,036
Okay, well, in this case,
it really is no big deal.
153
00:05:45,045 --> 00:05:47,075
- Dude, you're
hiding something!
154
00:05:47,081 --> 00:05:49,781
What's wrong?
- Nothing!
155
00:05:49,783 --> 00:05:53,793
- What...Is...
156
00:05:53,787 --> 00:05:55,887
Wrong?
157
00:05:57,725 --> 00:05:58,885
[device chimes]
158
00:06:04,365 --> 00:06:05,895
- jianyu second.
159
00:06:05,899 --> 00:06:08,969
Oh, well done, my love.
160
00:06:08,969 --> 00:06:10,399
So where am I?
161
00:06:10,404 --> 00:06:11,904
Eleanor--6th?
162
00:06:11,905 --> 00:06:14,405
Come on.
163
00:06:23,083 --> 00:06:24,423
Oh, no.
164
00:06:24,418 --> 00:06:27,548
I'm second to last.
165
00:06:27,554 --> 00:06:29,394
Mummy, I made you this.
166
00:06:29,390 --> 00:06:31,760
It's the pretty bird
we saw in the garden.
167
00:06:31,759 --> 00:06:34,829
- Thank you, tahani.
It's very competent.
168
00:06:34,828 --> 00:06:36,898
- I made a bird, as well.
169
00:06:36,897 --> 00:06:41,027
I worked in a reflective alloy,
holding up a mirror to mankind
170
00:06:41,034 --> 00:06:43,674
and its mistreatment of these
defenseless animals.
171
00:06:43,670 --> 00:06:45,540
- Excellent, kamilah.
172
00:06:45,539 --> 00:06:48,909
I sense the influence of
brancusi and kapoor.
173
00:06:48,909 --> 00:06:51,039
- It seems you're moving out of
your structural period,
174
00:06:51,044 --> 00:06:53,084
and more into
conceptual abstraction.
175
00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:54,850
- Good eye, mother.
176
00:06:54,848 --> 00:06:56,618
I grew tired of
objective representation.
177
00:06:56,617 --> 00:06:58,847
I trust my audience.
178
00:06:58,852 --> 00:07:00,522
- My birdie has a hat.
179
00:07:00,521 --> 00:07:02,021
- Yes, well done, tahani.
180
00:07:03,724 --> 00:07:04,964
- What's wrong?- Nothing's wrong.
181
00:07:04,958 --> 00:07:06,558
- What's wrong?
- Nothing's wrong.
182
00:07:06,560 --> 00:07:07,660
- What's wrong?
- Nothing's wrong.
183
00:07:07,661 --> 00:07:08,691
- What's wrong?
- Nothing's wrong.
184
00:07:08,695 --> 00:07:09,685
Would you stop doing that?
185
00:07:09,696 --> 00:07:10,726
Okay, fine!
- What's wrong?
186
00:07:10,731 --> 00:07:11,901
- You want to know
what's wrong?
187
00:07:11,899 --> 00:07:13,699
You are a full-time job.
188
00:07:13,700 --> 00:07:15,070
I wake up,
there's eleanor.
189
00:07:15,068 --> 00:07:17,138
I spend all day
teaching eleanor.
190
00:07:17,137 --> 00:07:19,037
And then it's,
"good night, eleanor."
191
00:07:19,039 --> 00:07:21,539
oh, this is a nice dream,
my grandma's here.
192
00:07:21,542 --> 00:07:23,012
Wait, she's got
eleanor's face!
193
00:07:23,010 --> 00:07:24,910
And tentacles
for some reason.
194
00:07:24,912 --> 00:07:27,082
- I thought
you liked teaching me.
195
00:07:27,080 --> 00:07:29,510
So now I'm just
some huge burden for you?
196
00:07:29,516 --> 00:07:30,516
- Yes!
197
00:07:30,517 --> 00:07:31,517
Of course you are!
198
00:07:31,518 --> 00:07:32,878
I am in paradise!
199
00:07:32,886 --> 00:07:34,686
I should be doing
paradise things,
200
00:07:34,688 --> 00:07:37,158
like rowing out on a lake
with a good bottle of wine,
201
00:07:37,157 --> 00:07:38,557
reading french poetry.
202
00:07:38,559 --> 00:07:40,829
- That's your idea
of paradise?
203
00:07:40,828 --> 00:07:43,128
- You know,
and I can't stop helping you,
204
00:07:43,130 --> 00:07:45,730
because then I am
shirking my ethical duty.
205
00:07:45,732 --> 00:07:47,172
It's an impossible position!
206
00:07:47,167 --> 00:07:49,167
- You know what, if you're so
stressed from writing
207
00:07:49,169 --> 00:07:51,239
on a chalkboard,
why don't you just leave?
208
00:07:51,238 --> 00:07:52,938
We can pretend to be
soul mates in public,
209
00:07:52,940 --> 00:07:54,970
but other than that, we don't
have to see each other!
210
00:07:54,975 --> 00:07:56,535
- Fine with me!
I'll move out right now.
211
00:07:56,543 --> 00:07:57,543
- Fine!
212
00:07:57,544 --> 00:07:58,684
[alarm blares]
213
00:07:58,679 --> 00:08:00,579
- good afternoon.
214
00:08:00,580 --> 00:08:02,480
As you all may remember,a sinkhole recently
215
00:08:02,483 --> 00:08:04,553
opened up in the town center.
216
00:08:04,551 --> 00:08:06,991
The situation, sadly,has worsened.
217
00:08:06,987 --> 00:08:09,187
Starting right now,no one may go outside
218
00:08:09,189 --> 00:08:11,589
under any circumstances.
219
00:08:11,592 --> 00:08:15,092
Leaving your homes could resultin catastrophic damage,
220
00:08:15,095 --> 00:08:17,955
to you and to the very fabricof the universe.
221
00:08:17,965 --> 00:08:20,125
Okay, bye.
222
00:08:20,133 --> 00:08:22,273
- Or we could both
just stay here.
223
00:08:25,172 --> 00:08:28,842
- We hope you enjoy youreternal stay in the good place.
224
00:08:28,842 --> 00:08:32,242
Take advantage of our day spa,or janet--
225
00:08:32,246 --> 00:08:35,706
a magical assistant who can getyou whatever you want.
226
00:08:35,716 --> 00:08:37,076
- You mind turning that off?
227
00:08:37,084 --> 00:08:38,884
It's been playing
on a loop for two days.
228
00:08:38,886 --> 00:08:41,616
- The whole neighborhood
is offline.
229
00:08:41,622 --> 00:08:43,522
We only get
the welcome channel.
230
00:08:43,524 --> 00:08:46,564
I would love to not watch tv,
231
00:08:46,560 --> 00:08:48,590
but you canceled school.
232
00:08:48,595 --> 00:08:50,675
[gasps]
233
00:08:50,680 --> 00:08:52,760
what have you done to me,
you monster?
234
00:08:52,766 --> 00:08:54,696
Look at all these
dishes piling up.
235
00:08:54,701 --> 00:08:56,571
I used to just
throw them in the sink,
236
00:08:56,570 --> 00:08:58,840
and they'd be magically
cleaned by morning.
237
00:08:58,839 --> 00:09:00,539
- I did that.
I cleaned the dishes.
238
00:09:00,541 --> 00:09:01,841
- Oh.
239
00:09:01,842 --> 00:09:03,242
Then what's up
with these bad boys?
240
00:09:03,243 --> 00:09:06,553
- You are unbelievable.
241
00:09:06,547 --> 00:09:07,927
- Are you still upset?
242
00:09:07,931 --> 00:09:09,311
You're not over it yet?
- How can I be over it?
243
00:09:09,316 --> 00:09:12,116
We haven't discussed it
or even spoken for days.
244
00:09:12,119 --> 00:09:14,719
- Well, it sounds like you've
had a really nice "vacation"
245
00:09:14,721 --> 00:09:16,121
from your "full-time job."
246
00:09:16,123 --> 00:09:17,763
get your story straight, bro!
247
00:09:17,758 --> 00:09:18,858
[knocking]
248
00:09:18,859 --> 00:09:20,729
- hey, guys, it's michael.
249
00:09:21,995 --> 00:09:24,095
- Hi, michael,
what a lovely surprise.
250
00:09:24,097 --> 00:09:26,967
- Oh, I'd love to make small
talk--I've been practicing, too.
251
00:09:26,967 --> 00:09:29,297
I'm amazing at it--but I'm in
a bit of a rush here.
252
00:09:29,303 --> 00:09:31,103
This is bart and nina.
253
00:09:31,104 --> 00:09:34,044
They live right next door
to the, uh, sinkhole,
254
00:09:34,041 --> 00:09:36,611
so they obviously
need a place to stay.
255
00:09:36,610 --> 00:09:38,580
I was wondering, as my
assistant, maybe you could
256
00:09:38,579 --> 00:09:39,879
put them up for a while?
257
00:09:39,880 --> 00:09:41,210
- Oh, of course.
258
00:09:41,214 --> 00:09:42,284
Don't--don't think twice.
259
00:09:42,282 --> 00:09:43,722
- Okay, shouldn't take long.
260
00:09:43,717 --> 00:09:45,677
Between an hour and, um...
261
00:09:45,686 --> 00:09:46,686
11 months.
262
00:09:46,687 --> 00:09:48,887
Somewhere in there.
Okay, bye.
263
00:09:50,023 --> 00:09:51,723
Don't go outside.
264
00:09:52,626 --> 00:09:53,856
[door closes]
265
00:09:53,860 --> 00:09:54,890
- ha...
266
00:09:54,895 --> 00:09:56,925
- [chuckles]
267
00:09:59,733 --> 00:10:02,273
- hello, everyone,
and welcome to day three
268
00:10:02,269 --> 00:10:05,089
of our brunch siege.
269
00:10:05,088 --> 00:10:07,908
I stayed up all night to plan
a full day of fun activities.
270
00:10:07,908 --> 00:10:10,108
Just check the schedule I made.
271
00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:12,610
- Tahani, you are
truly the best.
272
00:10:12,613 --> 00:10:15,883
- Yes, you would think so,
wouldn't you, henriette?
273
00:10:17,217 --> 00:10:18,777
[device chimes]
274
00:10:18,785 --> 00:10:20,785
no second to last.
275
00:10:20,787 --> 00:10:22,647
[sighs]
276
00:10:22,656 --> 00:10:26,286
[indistinct chatter]
277
00:10:26,293 --> 00:10:28,843
- tahani!
278
00:10:28,845 --> 00:10:31,395
This auction threatens to be
an embarrassing failure.
279
00:10:31,398 --> 00:10:34,028
- 5.2 million isn't bad.
280
00:10:34,034 --> 00:10:36,234
- It's very
"middle-thermometer."
281
00:10:36,236 --> 00:10:40,936
your public failure
is our public failure.
282
00:10:40,941 --> 00:10:43,311
- You know what
has to be done.
283
00:10:43,310 --> 00:10:45,910
- I'm very pleased to announce
that there has been
284
00:10:45,912 --> 00:10:48,912
an addition to today's docket.
285
00:10:48,915 --> 00:10:52,145
I'm sure you all know
my sister, kamilah.
286
00:10:52,152 --> 00:10:54,852
[cheers and applause]
287
00:10:54,855 --> 00:10:56,815
yes.
Kamilah.
288
00:10:56,823 --> 00:10:58,993
Kamilah, of course,
is the youngest person ever
289
00:10:58,992 --> 00:11:01,032
to graduate from
oxford university,
290
00:11:01,028 --> 00:11:04,958
she's a world-class painter,
social activist, iconoclast,
291
00:11:04,965 --> 00:11:08,425
olympic gold medalist
for archery,
292
00:11:08,435 --> 00:11:11,235
a bafta award-winner
for her documentary
293
00:11:11,238 --> 00:11:13,738
on her grammy award-winning
album,
294
00:11:13,740 --> 00:11:17,910
and the person voted
"most likely to be banksy."
295
00:11:17,911 --> 00:11:20,681
so without further ado,
296
00:11:20,681 --> 00:11:22,111
take it away from me!
297
00:11:22,115 --> 00:11:24,915
Sorry, I mean take it away,
kamilah.
298
00:11:24,918 --> 00:11:28,318
[applause]
299
00:11:28,321 --> 00:11:30,721
- I am auctioning off
a lunch date with me.
300
00:11:30,724 --> 00:11:32,974
[crowd exclaims]
301
00:11:32,975 --> 00:11:35,225
the bidding shall commence
at £3 million.
302
00:11:35,228 --> 00:11:36,728
[excited murmuring]
303
00:11:36,730 --> 00:11:38,360
- 5 million!
304
00:11:38,365 --> 00:11:39,455
[crowd exclaims]
305
00:11:45,872 --> 00:11:47,872
- thank you guys so much.
306
00:11:47,874 --> 00:11:50,884
Sorry for the imposition.
- Oh, bah.
307
00:11:50,877 --> 00:11:52,337
- Oh, well, if you want to know
the truth,
308
00:11:52,345 --> 00:11:54,145
we asked michael
if we could stay with you.
309
00:11:54,147 --> 00:11:56,377
We are obsessed
with your relationship.
310
00:11:56,383 --> 00:11:59,383
Always whispering, locking
yourself in the house all day.
311
00:11:59,386 --> 00:12:02,346
- I thought I was an expert in
true love 'cause of my old job,
312
00:12:02,355 --> 00:12:04,915
but I have a lot
to learn from you guys.
313
00:12:04,925 --> 00:12:06,455
- Your job?
What was your job?
314
00:12:06,460 --> 00:12:08,740
- I was a marriage counselor.
315
00:12:08,745 --> 00:12:11,025
You could say I wrote the book
on healthy relationships.
316
00:12:11,031 --> 00:12:12,201
And I did!
317
00:12:12,199 --> 00:12:13,729
[both laughing]
318
00:12:13,734 --> 00:12:16,204
it's called, "how to spot
problems in a marriage
319
00:12:16,203 --> 00:12:17,873
from 100 miles away."
320
00:12:17,871 --> 00:12:19,171
both: Oh, cool.
321
00:12:19,172 --> 00:12:20,412
- Really cool.
- Cool.
322
00:12:20,407 --> 00:12:22,007
- Really, really cool.
- Cool, cool.
323
00:12:22,008 --> 00:12:23,938
And what about you, bart?
324
00:12:23,943 --> 00:12:25,883
- Oh, well, my job wasn't nearly
as interesting.
325
00:12:25,879 --> 00:12:28,279
I started a company that
investigated identity theft.
326
00:12:28,281 --> 00:12:30,781
Analyzing body language,
tracking and catching people
327
00:12:30,784 --> 00:12:32,224
pretending to be
someone they're not.
328
00:12:32,219 --> 00:12:34,289
It's--pssh, snooze,
am I right?
329
00:12:34,287 --> 00:12:36,417
[both chuckling]
330
00:12:36,423 --> 00:12:37,793
- they're gonna catch us!
331
00:12:37,791 --> 00:12:40,091
This is an extremely
precarious situation!
332
00:12:40,093 --> 00:12:41,763
I am vexed, eleanor!
333
00:12:41,762 --> 00:12:43,962
- A marriage counselor
and a human lie detector
334
00:12:43,964 --> 00:12:46,134
isn't my first choice
for company, either.
335
00:12:46,133 --> 00:12:48,873
But they have no reason
to suspect us!
336
00:12:48,869 --> 00:12:52,439
Plus, I think they may have
actually just come here
337
00:12:52,439 --> 00:12:55,939
to, you know, swing.
338
00:12:55,942 --> 00:12:57,282
I say we do it.
339
00:12:57,277 --> 00:12:58,907
It'll get 'em to stop
asking questions.
340
00:12:58,912 --> 00:13:01,352
- No, I am not going to
have sex with someone
341
00:13:01,348 --> 00:13:03,378
to get them to
stop talking to me!
342
00:13:03,383 --> 00:13:05,523
- Really?
You and I are very different.
343
00:13:05,519 --> 00:13:06,989
- Yeah, I noticed!
344
00:13:06,987 --> 00:13:08,187
- You know what, man?
345
00:13:08,188 --> 00:13:10,018
I have spent
every second in this place
346
00:13:10,023 --> 00:13:11,193
worried I was
gonna get caught,
347
00:13:11,191 --> 00:13:12,891
but if we go down right now,
348
00:13:12,893 --> 00:13:14,293
that's on you, okay?
349
00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:16,264
Oh, you spend all your time
teaching a
350
00:13:16,263 --> 00:13:17,533
charming, awesome lady?
351
00:13:17,531 --> 00:13:20,131
How sad for you.
Face it, dude.
352
00:13:20,133 --> 00:13:21,933
I'm the best thing
that ever happened to you.
353
00:13:21,935 --> 00:13:23,495
Because guess what, chidi?
354
00:13:23,503 --> 00:13:26,473
Ya basic!
- Eleanor--
355
00:13:26,473 --> 00:13:28,513
- yeah, I know, you want to do
that thing where we're
356
00:13:28,508 --> 00:13:30,538
arguing and fighting,
but then suddenly it's like,
357
00:13:30,544 --> 00:13:32,584
"whoa, this is hot,"
and we start making out.
358
00:13:32,579 --> 00:13:33,949
Dream on!
359
00:13:33,947 --> 00:13:35,307
Or, whatever, fine,
let's just do it.
360
00:13:35,315 --> 00:13:36,975
- No, eleanor, look.
361
00:13:43,423 --> 00:13:45,893
- So how much of that
did you hear?
362
00:13:45,892 --> 00:13:47,562
- We couldn't hear you,
but I'm an expert in
363
00:13:47,561 --> 00:13:49,491
non-verbal communication,
and it is clear--
364
00:13:49,496 --> 00:13:51,156
you are in conflict.
365
00:13:51,164 --> 00:13:52,364
- We're not judging you.
366
00:13:52,365 --> 00:13:54,295
This has been
a tough couple of weeks.
367
00:13:54,301 --> 00:13:57,041
I'm sure the stress of the
sinkhole has caused
368
00:13:57,037 --> 00:13:58,567
lots of soul mate squabbles.
369
00:13:58,572 --> 00:14:00,872
- Yes, that's what it is.
370
00:14:00,874 --> 00:14:02,044
A squabble.
371
00:14:02,042 --> 00:14:03,582
We're squabbling.
- Squabble, squabble!
372
00:14:03,577 --> 00:14:05,857
- I can help.
373
00:14:05,862 --> 00:14:08,152
I'm gonna take your relationship
and put it under a microscope
374
00:14:08,148 --> 00:14:11,278
and dig and poke and prod
375
00:14:11,284 --> 00:14:14,194
until you are back
to soul mate harmony.
376
00:14:14,187 --> 00:14:16,597
Eleanor, why don't you--
377
00:14:16,605 --> 00:14:19,015
- she never does the dishes.
I have to do them all the time.
378
00:14:19,025 --> 00:14:21,155
- We just have different
interests.
379
00:14:21,161 --> 00:14:23,931
I like relaxing, he likes
getting on my case
380
00:14:23,930 --> 00:14:25,030
about the dishes.
381
00:14:25,031 --> 00:14:26,931
- I'm getting a lot of
repressed anger.
382
00:14:26,933 --> 00:14:29,333
I suspected this when I arrived,
but now I'm sure.
383
00:14:29,336 --> 00:14:33,366
You are hiding something.
- What on earth would I be--
384
00:14:33,373 --> 00:14:35,373
- no, no, no, not you.
385
00:14:35,375 --> 00:14:38,335
Him.
386
00:14:39,613 --> 00:14:41,353
- Please go back inside.
387
00:14:41,348 --> 00:14:44,018
It isn't safe to beout of your home.
388
00:14:44,017 --> 00:14:45,477
Please go back inside.
389
00:14:45,485 --> 00:14:47,445
Janet,
could you see what's wrong?
390
00:14:47,454 --> 00:14:49,154
- Everything.
391
00:14:49,155 --> 00:14:50,955
- Ugh.
392
00:14:52,292 --> 00:14:53,422
- My goodness!
393
00:14:53,426 --> 00:14:54,626
It's even worse
than I thought.
394
00:14:54,628 --> 00:14:56,158
- Tahani, what're you
doing here?
395
00:14:56,162 --> 00:14:58,202
- Well, everyone else might be
okay staying inside,
396
00:14:58,198 --> 00:14:59,628
but I wanted to help.
397
00:14:59,633 --> 00:15:02,233
So I've brought some cheer
and sustenance
398
00:15:02,235 --> 00:15:03,365
to raise your spirits.
399
00:15:03,370 --> 00:15:05,200
Look, I made donut holes.
400
00:15:05,205 --> 00:15:07,305
Do you get it?
"donut holes"?
401
00:15:07,307 --> 00:15:08,967
Sinkhole.
402
00:15:08,975 --> 00:15:10,675
Funny, no?
- No, too soon.
403
00:15:10,677 --> 00:15:12,477
By exactly nine days.
404
00:15:12,479 --> 00:15:15,649
- Tahani, this sinkhole
is incredibly dangerous.
405
00:15:15,649 --> 00:15:17,319
If a human gets
too close to it,
406
00:15:17,317 --> 00:15:19,347
there could be disastrous
side effects.
407
00:15:19,352 --> 00:15:20,952
[shimmering tones]
408
00:15:20,954 --> 00:15:22,924
- what's--what's happening
to me?
409
00:15:22,923 --> 00:15:24,363
- Oh, that's one of
the side effects.
410
00:15:24,357 --> 00:15:26,657
- Janet, knock her out
while we still have time.
411
00:15:26,660 --> 00:15:28,230
- Knock me out?
What does that--
412
00:15:28,228 --> 00:15:29,528
- boop.
413
00:15:32,532 --> 00:15:35,232
- Guys, really,
it's no big deal.
414
00:15:35,235 --> 00:15:38,235
- "it's not a big deal"
is nearly always code
415
00:15:38,238 --> 00:15:40,238
for "something is wrong."
416
00:15:40,240 --> 00:15:42,170
- boom!
That's what I said.
417
00:15:42,175 --> 00:15:43,635
I should've been
a marriage counselor.
418
00:15:43,643 --> 00:15:45,713
- Okay, chidi, out with it.
419
00:15:45,712 --> 00:15:48,952
What is so unsatisfying about
your soul mate relationship?
420
00:15:48,949 --> 00:15:50,449
- Be honest, chidi.
421
00:15:50,450 --> 00:15:55,050
Be, like, the exact
right amount of honest
422
00:15:55,055 --> 00:15:58,985
so that we can
both be happy.
423
00:15:58,992 --> 00:16:02,392
- I never had
a soul mate on earth.
424
00:16:02,395 --> 00:16:05,125
I-I never even really had
425
00:16:05,131 --> 00:16:08,301
a girlfriend that I "loved."
426
00:16:08,301 --> 00:16:10,071
and when I got here,
and michael said I would
427
00:16:10,070 --> 00:16:12,500
finally meet
my actual soul mate,
428
00:16:12,505 --> 00:16:14,135
I was so excited.
429
00:16:14,140 --> 00:16:16,980
And it isn't...
430
00:16:16,977 --> 00:16:20,177
Exactly...What I thought.
431
00:16:20,180 --> 00:16:23,610
- You've never had
an intense relationship before.
432
00:16:23,616 --> 00:16:26,216
This is all
uncharted territory.
433
00:16:26,219 --> 00:16:29,049
- No wonder you're so tense.
434
00:16:29,055 --> 00:16:33,355
You know, nina and I are skilled
in the art of massage.
435
00:16:33,360 --> 00:16:35,430
Uh, not erotic massage.
436
00:16:35,428 --> 00:16:37,628
Although, it can be, and it
often leads there, anyway--
437
00:16:37,630 --> 00:16:39,600
- okay, well,
you know what?
438
00:16:39,599 --> 00:16:42,129
You guys have given us
so much to think about.
439
00:16:42,135 --> 00:16:43,165
And I think
we should go to bed.
440
00:16:43,169 --> 00:16:45,499
Just the two of us, alone.
Just us.
441
00:16:45,505 --> 00:16:47,565
[whispers] I know it's not
the right time, but I told you.
442
00:16:49,142 --> 00:16:51,712
- Tahani, wake up, dear.
443
00:16:51,711 --> 00:16:54,081
- Michael.
444
00:16:54,080 --> 00:16:55,580
Did it work?
445
00:16:55,582 --> 00:16:58,382
Did I fix the sinkhole?
Am I a heroine?
446
00:16:58,385 --> 00:17:01,345
- No, you did something
catastrophically stupid
447
00:17:01,354 --> 00:17:03,054
and we had to knock you
unconscious.
448
00:17:03,056 --> 00:17:05,456
Why in the world did you
go outside?
449
00:17:05,458 --> 00:17:08,528
- Because I saw the rankings
in the manual.
450
00:17:08,528 --> 00:17:11,028
- That manual is only meant
to be seen by
451
00:17:11,031 --> 00:17:12,461
architects and janets.
452
00:17:12,465 --> 00:17:14,795
It's got some very
sensitive material.
453
00:17:14,801 --> 00:17:17,301
Plus some song lyrics
I've been working on,
454
00:17:17,303 --> 00:17:19,243
and I'd rather not
let people see those
455
00:17:19,239 --> 00:17:21,409
until they're finished.
456
00:17:21,408 --> 00:17:25,808
Anyway, why did seeing the
rankings unravel you so?
457
00:17:28,048 --> 00:17:31,378
- I was so sorry to hear
of your parents' passing.
458
00:17:31,384 --> 00:17:34,654
Please bear with me as I share
their last will and testament.
459
00:17:34,654 --> 00:17:37,424
"to kamilah,
we have left £68 million,
460
00:17:37,424 --> 00:17:40,164
"the home in kensington,
the yacht,
461
00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:42,560
and other assorted
weekend boats."
462
00:17:42,562 --> 00:17:45,732
- well, what did they leave
their second favorite child?
463
00:17:45,732 --> 00:17:47,532
- There's still
quite a lot of, um,
464
00:17:47,534 --> 00:17:49,704
money and property
that goes to you.
465
00:17:49,702 --> 00:17:52,072
There is one issue, however.
466
00:17:52,072 --> 00:17:55,442
They have, um, spelled your
name incorrectly in the will.
467
00:17:55,442 --> 00:17:58,082
- You've got to be
kidding me.
468
00:17:58,077 --> 00:18:00,707
- It says, "we bequeath the rest
of our estate to tahini."
469
00:18:00,713 --> 00:18:02,113
like the sauce.
470
00:18:02,115 --> 00:18:03,505
- You know what?
471
00:18:03,516 --> 00:18:04,816
I don't want the money.
472
00:18:04,818 --> 00:18:07,488
My sister can
have it all.
473
00:18:07,487 --> 00:18:10,857
My whole life,
I have lived in your shadow,
474
00:18:10,857 --> 00:18:13,257
but now I'm going to
step out of it.
475
00:18:13,259 --> 00:18:16,689
I am going to achieve heights of
success and sophistication
476
00:18:16,696 --> 00:18:18,226
that you can only dream of.
477
00:18:18,231 --> 00:18:20,231
- Your cardigan's on
inside out.
478
00:18:20,233 --> 00:18:21,673
- I know!
479
00:18:21,668 --> 00:18:24,568
It's a new trend
that I am starting.
480
00:18:24,571 --> 00:18:26,271
Just one example
of how I'm going to
481
00:18:26,272 --> 00:18:27,642
step out of your shadow.
482
00:18:28,875 --> 00:18:31,005
[sighs]
483
00:18:31,010 --> 00:18:33,140
oh, I'm sorry that I looked at
the rankings, michael.
484
00:18:33,146 --> 00:18:36,206
But I just don't understand
how I'm so low.
485
00:18:36,216 --> 00:18:38,876
My entire life, I have tried
to be extraordinary,
486
00:18:38,885 --> 00:18:40,845
but it just never
seemed to be enough.
487
00:18:40,854 --> 00:18:42,624
- Ah.
488
00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:45,122
And you thought you could
increase your ranking
489
00:18:45,125 --> 00:18:48,355
by helping us fix
the sinkhole.
490
00:18:48,361 --> 00:18:52,901
Tahani, the point evaluations
stop the moment you die.
491
00:18:52,899 --> 00:18:56,669
But also,
out of literally billions,
492
00:18:56,669 --> 00:19:00,909
you were one of the most
remarkable people on earth.
493
00:19:00,907 --> 00:19:04,637
You have nothing left to prove,
to anyone.
494
00:19:04,644 --> 00:19:06,284
[chiming]
- hi, there.
495
00:19:06,279 --> 00:19:08,749
The sinkhole has
begun to repair itself.
496
00:19:08,748 --> 00:19:10,408
- [gasps]
- it has?
497
00:19:10,416 --> 00:19:11,546
- Could it be--
- but how--
498
00:19:11,551 --> 00:19:13,131
- did I...?
499
00:19:13,135 --> 00:19:14,715
"tahani saves the un--"
- no, no, no.
500
00:19:14,721 --> 00:19:16,521
Still not you.
You have nothing to do with it.
501
00:19:16,523 --> 00:19:17,863
We've got to leave
immediately.
502
00:19:19,225 --> 00:19:22,255
It's now safeto go outside.
503
00:19:22,262 --> 00:19:24,662
It's now safe to go outside.
504
00:19:24,664 --> 00:19:27,234
It's now safeto go outside.
505
00:19:29,702 --> 00:19:32,242
- Morning, teach!
- Morning.
506
00:19:32,238 --> 00:19:33,838
What's this about?
507
00:19:33,840 --> 00:19:35,610
- Well, here's what
I realized.
508
00:19:35,608 --> 00:19:38,208
It's not just that helping me
is a full-time job
509
00:19:38,211 --> 00:19:40,481
that you feel you have to do.
510
00:19:40,480 --> 00:19:43,210
The real problem is,
that the more you help me,
511
00:19:43,216 --> 00:19:45,616
the greater the chance is
that I can stay here,
512
00:19:45,618 --> 00:19:47,718
and me staying here means
513
00:19:47,720 --> 00:19:50,760
you'll never get
a real soul mate.
514
00:19:50,757 --> 00:19:52,687
I'm basically a utilitarian
nightmare.
515
00:19:52,692 --> 00:19:55,032
- [laughs]
516
00:19:55,027 --> 00:19:57,357
- every ounce of my happiness
leads to a ton of pain for you.
517
00:19:57,363 --> 00:20:00,933
So every time the simple fact
of my existence
518
00:20:00,934 --> 00:20:03,874
starts to bum you out,
519
00:20:03,870 --> 00:20:06,540
I want you to
hold this up.
520
00:20:06,539 --> 00:20:07,639
- [laughs]
521
00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:10,640
- at which point,
I will leave you alone
522
00:20:10,643 --> 00:20:12,283
for as long as you need.
523
00:20:12,278 --> 00:20:16,508
I know we'll never be soul
mates, but we're friends.
524
00:20:16,516 --> 00:20:19,816
Now get in this boat and read
some boring french poetry.
525
00:20:30,563 --> 00:20:32,603
- I--I've never actually
done this before.
526
00:20:32,599 --> 00:20:34,429
This is a theoretical fantasy.
527
00:20:34,434 --> 00:20:36,304
How do you row a boat?
528
00:20:37,303 --> 00:20:38,503
- I'll tell ya,
it's good as new.
529
00:20:38,504 --> 00:20:39,874
Go ahead,
if you want, just--here.
530
00:20:39,872 --> 00:20:40,972
Whoo!
See?
531
00:20:40,974 --> 00:20:42,374
You can jump up
and down on it.
532
00:20:42,375 --> 00:20:44,635
- Hey, boss.
So you fixed the sinkhole.
533
00:20:44,644 --> 00:20:46,944
- Yup, good as new.
Crisis averted.
534
00:20:46,946 --> 00:20:48,446
Everybody have
a wonderful day,
535
00:20:48,448 --> 00:20:50,948
because I fixed the sinkhole.
536
00:20:50,950 --> 00:20:53,450
I didn't fix the sinkhole.
- Sorry?
537
00:20:53,453 --> 00:20:55,793
- I tried and I tried,
but nothing worked.
538
00:20:55,788 --> 00:20:57,258
And then all of a sudden...
539
00:20:57,257 --> 00:20:59,287
This morning, out of the blue,
it just--whoop!
540
00:20:59,292 --> 00:21:01,832
It just closed over.
541
00:21:01,828 --> 00:21:03,528
- Huh.
542
00:21:03,529 --> 00:21:05,399
How 'bout that?
543
00:21:05,398 --> 00:21:06,898
Well, as your assistant,
544
00:21:06,899 --> 00:21:09,329
I officially
declare this good news.
545
00:21:09,335 --> 00:21:11,735
- No, this is terrible news!
546
00:21:11,738 --> 00:21:14,368
I have no idea what caused it,
eleanor.
547
00:21:14,374 --> 00:21:16,644
And no idea what fixed it.
548
00:21:16,643 --> 00:21:19,783
I want you to come to my office
first thing in the morning.
549
00:21:19,779 --> 00:21:23,849
You and I are gonna
find this problem.
40273
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
