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1
00:00:00,167 --> 00:00:04,597
- Good afternoon, eleanor.
What can I get you today?
2
00:00:04,605 --> 00:00:06,735
- Whoa.
Lot of new flavors.
3
00:00:06,741 --> 00:00:08,341
- Michael felt bad
about the sinkhole,
4
00:00:08,342 --> 00:00:10,312
so he wanted to
give you all a little treat.
5
00:00:10,311 --> 00:00:14,481
I recommend
"full cell phone battery."
6
00:00:14,482 --> 00:00:16,082
- whoa.
7
00:00:16,083 --> 00:00:18,553
It somehow tastes how I felt
when my cell phone
8
00:00:18,552 --> 00:00:20,122
was fully charged.
9
00:00:20,121 --> 00:00:21,751
Oh, I'm so relaxed.
10
00:00:21,756 --> 00:00:23,156
But they all look good.
11
00:00:23,157 --> 00:00:24,757
This might take me
a while.
12
00:00:24,759 --> 00:00:27,189
You know what, gunnar, uh,
why don't you go ahead?
13
00:00:27,194 --> 00:00:28,594
- Thanks so much, eleanor.
- Mm-hmm.
14
00:00:28,596 --> 00:00:30,356
- What can I get you, gunnar?
- Hi, janet.
15
00:00:30,364 --> 00:00:33,134
Can I have some folded laundry?
- Coming up.
16
00:00:33,134 --> 00:00:36,544
[indistinct chatter]
17
00:00:37,438 --> 00:00:40,438
[upbeat music]
18
00:00:40,441 --> 00:00:42,111
♪ ♪
19
00:00:42,109 --> 00:00:43,679
- chidi!
20
00:00:43,677 --> 00:00:44,677
You'll never believe it.
21
00:00:44,678 --> 00:00:46,048
I was at the frozen yogurt place
22
00:00:46,047 --> 00:00:47,577
and I didn't know what I wanted,
23
00:00:47,581 --> 00:00:49,111
so I turned to the guy behind
me, and I was like,
24
00:00:49,116 --> 00:00:50,776
"why don't you go ahead?"
[gasps]
25
00:00:50,785 --> 00:00:53,685
just like that!
"why don't you go ahead?"
26
00:00:53,687 --> 00:00:55,087
- o-okay?
27
00:00:55,089 --> 00:00:56,489
- Dude, you don't understand!
28
00:00:56,490 --> 00:00:58,760
I never did stuff like that
when I was on earth.
29
00:00:58,759 --> 00:01:01,059
But now, thanks to your
"good person" lessons,
30
00:01:01,062 --> 00:01:02,432
I didn't hold up the line.
31
00:01:02,430 --> 00:01:05,160
I didn't even try a dozen
samples I didn't want
32
00:01:05,166 --> 00:01:07,566
just to spite some jerk who told
me I was holding up the line.
33
00:01:07,568 --> 00:01:08,568
- You do that?
34
00:01:08,569 --> 00:01:11,369
- No, chidi,
I used to do that.
35
00:01:11,372 --> 00:01:14,472
Now I do selfless things without
even thinking about it.
36
00:01:14,475 --> 00:01:15,605
- That's great.
37
00:01:15,609 --> 00:01:17,579
I-I'm proud of you.
38
00:01:17,578 --> 00:01:18,808
So where's our yogurt?
39
00:01:18,813 --> 00:01:20,513
- Ugh.
I forgot it.
40
00:01:20,514 --> 00:01:22,514
Oh...
Can you go?
41
00:01:22,516 --> 00:01:24,216
I don't want to
go all the way back.
42
00:01:24,218 --> 00:01:27,488
I ran all the way here
and it was so hot.
43
00:01:27,488 --> 00:01:32,358
I mean, I will happily get it,
because I told you I would.
44
00:01:35,663 --> 00:01:36,633
Good person.
45
00:01:36,630 --> 00:01:39,670
[mellow music]
46
00:01:39,667 --> 00:01:43,537
♪ ♪
47
00:01:43,537 --> 00:01:45,637
- so, to sum up:
48
00:01:45,638 --> 00:01:47,738
Utilitarianism posits
that the correct choice
49
00:01:47,741 --> 00:01:50,611
is the one that causes
the most good or pleasure,
50
00:01:50,611 --> 00:01:52,741
and the least pain
and suffering.
51
00:01:52,746 --> 00:01:55,406
- I like this one.
It's simple.
52
00:01:55,416 --> 00:01:58,176
Ugh, screw all the other
complicated theories,
53
00:01:58,185 --> 00:01:59,485
why didn't you
start with this one?
54
00:01:59,487 --> 00:02:01,687
- Ah, but here's the problem.
55
00:02:01,688 --> 00:02:03,888
If all that matters is the
sum total of "goodness,"
56
00:02:03,891 --> 00:02:06,431
then you can justify
any number of bad actions,
57
00:02:06,427 --> 00:02:09,457
like torturing one innocent
person to save a hundred,
58
00:02:09,463 --> 00:02:10,703
or preemptive war--
59
00:02:10,698 --> 00:02:12,198
- oh, dip, I get it.
60
00:02:12,199 --> 00:02:14,129
It's like, I knew
this girl sheila?
61
00:02:14,135 --> 00:02:17,495
She was a black market alligator
dealer with a pierced jawbone.
62
00:02:17,505 --> 00:02:19,735
- Um, okay, what?
63
00:02:19,740 --> 00:02:22,540
- Sheila was gonna get married
to my boy, donkey doug
64
00:02:22,543 --> 00:02:24,543
and make him
move to sarasota.
65
00:02:24,545 --> 00:02:26,675
It would've broken up
my whole break dancing crew
66
00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:29,250
and donkey doug
was our best pop-and-locker.
67
00:02:29,250 --> 00:02:31,350
So I hid a bunch of stolen
boogie boards
68
00:02:31,352 --> 00:02:33,822
in sheila's garage
and called the cops.
69
00:02:33,821 --> 00:02:36,291
I framed one innocent
gator dealer
70
00:02:36,290 --> 00:02:38,890
to save a 60-person
dance crew.
71
00:02:38,893 --> 00:02:42,163
- Shockingly,
that is a relevant example
72
00:02:42,163 --> 00:02:43,603
of the utilitarian dilemma.
73
00:02:43,597 --> 00:02:45,397
Well done.
- Thanks!
74
00:02:45,399 --> 00:02:47,569
Um...
75
00:02:47,568 --> 00:02:49,598
- Uh, yes, jianyu?
- Can I be excused?
76
00:02:49,603 --> 00:02:51,773
Tahani's doing a brunch party
and I want to get there
77
00:02:51,772 --> 00:02:53,572
before all the
mini-waffles run out.
78
00:02:53,574 --> 00:02:56,214
- Go ahead, man.
- Yes!
79
00:02:57,244 --> 00:03:00,484
- So, you want to roll
right into another lesson?
80
00:03:00,481 --> 00:03:02,311
I am revved up to learn, man.
81
00:03:02,316 --> 00:03:03,716
My brain is horny!
82
00:03:03,717 --> 00:03:05,247
- Um, can we
take a little break?
83
00:03:05,252 --> 00:03:06,892
I've been standing at this
chalkboard all day.
84
00:03:06,887 --> 00:03:08,397
- Oh, yeah, I get it.
85
00:03:08,405 --> 00:03:09,915
Oh, you could, um,
grade my paper I wrote
86
00:03:09,924 --> 00:03:11,664
on the concept of dharma.
87
00:03:11,659 --> 00:03:14,489
Six pages, and I didn't even
do that thing
88
00:03:14,495 --> 00:03:16,955
where I try to make it longer by
starting every sentence with
89
00:03:16,964 --> 00:03:18,234
"interestingly..."
90
00:03:18,232 --> 00:03:20,502
- sure, I'll do that
and, uh...
91
00:03:20,501 --> 00:03:22,701
We can start another lesson.
92
00:03:26,874 --> 00:03:29,234
- Ah, tahani.
93
00:03:29,226 --> 00:03:31,576
I've been working on my western
hemisphere brunch banter.
94
00:03:31,579 --> 00:03:33,549
Tell me what you think.
95
00:03:33,547 --> 00:03:35,807
That "new yorker"
article was crazy.
96
00:03:35,816 --> 00:03:37,746
You haven't seen
"hamilton"?
97
00:03:37,751 --> 00:03:39,591
Hey, did you hear about
stephanie?
98
00:03:39,587 --> 00:03:42,347
- Very well done, michael.
- Hi, there!
99
00:03:42,356 --> 00:03:47,226
We have a category 55
emergency doomsday crisis.
100
00:03:47,228 --> 00:03:49,958
- A category 55
emergency doomsday crisis?
101
00:03:49,964 --> 00:03:52,114
- Mm-hmm.
102
00:03:52,115 --> 00:03:54,265
- Sorry, what is a category 55
emergency doomsday crisis?
103
00:03:54,268 --> 00:03:56,898
- It's nothing, it's a tiny
little inconvenience.
104
00:03:56,904 --> 00:03:59,974
Tahani, dear, could you show us
to a private room
105
00:03:59,974 --> 00:04:02,544
where no one can see
or hear us, even if I yell
106
00:04:02,543 --> 00:04:05,243
very loudly out of fear?
107
00:04:07,314 --> 00:04:08,514
[device chimes]
108
00:04:08,515 --> 00:04:10,395
[gasps]
109
00:04:10,400 --> 00:04:12,280
- it appears that the sinkhole
is not repairing itself.
110
00:04:12,286 --> 00:04:14,516
- This is very bad, janet.
111
00:04:14,521 --> 00:04:17,391
We have to go into the
sinkhole and fix it by hand.
112
00:04:17,391 --> 00:04:18,661
Get the tools.
113
00:04:18,659 --> 00:04:20,389
- Sorry, can I be
of any service?
114
00:04:20,394 --> 00:04:21,764
- Ah, tahani.
115
00:04:21,762 --> 00:04:24,402
Didn't see you there.
Uh, no, no.
116
00:04:24,398 --> 00:04:25,728
We're just having
a slight problem
117
00:04:25,733 --> 00:04:28,033
with the enormous sinkhole.
118
00:04:28,035 --> 00:04:29,935
- Yes, I meant to tell you--
119
00:04:29,937 --> 00:04:31,967
I walked past it last night
and I actually saw it
120
00:04:31,972 --> 00:04:33,042
get a little bit bigger.
121
00:04:33,040 --> 00:04:34,810
- [screams]
122
00:04:34,808 --> 00:04:36,008
it got bigger?
123
00:04:36,010 --> 00:04:38,610
Ah, well, that's--
that's so normal.
124
00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:40,712
Um, this is the reaction
I have when things
125
00:04:40,714 --> 00:04:42,954
are incredibly mundane
and expected.
126
00:04:42,950 --> 00:04:44,380
I'm gonna leave now...
127
00:04:44,385 --> 00:04:46,385
At my regular pace,
128
00:04:46,387 --> 00:04:49,347
as I do in most scenarios.
129
00:04:55,796 --> 00:04:57,496
- Finally!
130
00:04:57,498 --> 00:04:59,328
Let's get back to it.
131
00:04:59,333 --> 00:05:00,933
Whip out that chalkboard,
big boy, show me
132
00:05:00,934 --> 00:05:03,394
what you're working with.
133
00:05:03,386 --> 00:05:05,836
- Actually, I was going to head
into town and pick up some...
134
00:05:05,839 --> 00:05:06,939
Blankets.
135
00:05:06,940 --> 00:05:09,070
- Great, I'll grab my sweater.
136
00:05:09,076 --> 00:05:10,936
I can practice letting people
cut in front of me.
137
00:05:10,944 --> 00:05:12,944
- You know, uh,
I just realized
138
00:05:12,946 --> 00:05:16,476
that I have blankets,
so I'm going to take a nap
139
00:05:16,483 --> 00:05:18,823
using the several blankets
that I already have.
140
00:05:18,819 --> 00:05:20,049
Good night.
141
00:05:20,054 --> 00:05:21,794
- Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.
142
00:05:21,789 --> 00:05:23,489
What's wrong?
Out with it.
143
00:05:23,490 --> 00:05:24,720
- I'm just tired,
need a break.
144
00:05:24,725 --> 00:05:25,855
No big deal.
145
00:05:25,859 --> 00:05:27,689
- The way you're talking
to me right now?
146
00:05:27,695 --> 00:05:30,325
"everything's cool, no big
deal"--I know that move.
147
00:05:30,331 --> 00:05:33,371
When I told a boyfriend
something was "no big deal,"
148
00:05:33,367 --> 00:05:36,497
it meant anything from "I just
bought weed from your nephew,"
149
00:05:36,503 --> 00:05:39,073
to "I secretly befriended your
ex-girlfriend last year,
150
00:05:39,073 --> 00:05:41,113
things got out of hand,
and now I'm her bridesmaid."
151
00:05:41,108 --> 00:05:43,078
- wow.
152
00:05:43,076 --> 00:05:45,036
Okay, well, in this case,
it really is no big deal.
153
00:05:45,045 --> 00:05:47,075
- Dude, you're
hiding something!
154
00:05:47,081 --> 00:05:49,781
What's wrong?
- Nothing!
155
00:05:49,783 --> 00:05:53,793
- What...Is...
156
00:05:53,787 --> 00:05:55,887
Wrong?
157
00:05:57,725 --> 00:05:58,885
[device chimes]
158
00:06:04,365 --> 00:06:05,895
- jianyu second.
159
00:06:05,899 --> 00:06:08,969
Oh, well done, my love.
160
00:06:08,969 --> 00:06:10,399
So where am I?
161
00:06:10,404 --> 00:06:11,904
Eleanor--6th?
162
00:06:11,905 --> 00:06:14,405
Come on.
163
00:06:23,083 --> 00:06:24,423
Oh, no.
164
00:06:24,418 --> 00:06:27,548
I'm second to last.
165
00:06:27,554 --> 00:06:29,394
Mummy, I made you this.
166
00:06:29,390 --> 00:06:31,760
It's the pretty bird
we saw in the garden.
167
00:06:31,759 --> 00:06:34,829
- Thank you, tahani.
It's very competent.
168
00:06:34,828 --> 00:06:36,898
- I made a bird, as well.
169
00:06:36,897 --> 00:06:41,027
I worked in a reflective alloy,
holding up a mirror to mankind
170
00:06:41,034 --> 00:06:43,674
and its mistreatment of these
defenseless animals.
171
00:06:43,670 --> 00:06:45,540
- Excellent, kamilah.
172
00:06:45,539 --> 00:06:48,909
I sense the influence of
brancusi and kapoor.
173
00:06:48,909 --> 00:06:51,039
- It seems you're moving out of
your structural period,
174
00:06:51,044 --> 00:06:53,084
and more into
conceptual abstraction.
175
00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:54,850
- Good eye, mother.
176
00:06:54,848 --> 00:06:56,618
I grew tired of
objective representation.
177
00:06:56,617 --> 00:06:58,847
I trust my audience.
178
00:06:58,852 --> 00:07:00,522
- My birdie has a hat.
179
00:07:00,521 --> 00:07:02,021
- Yes, well done, tahani.
180
00:07:03,724 --> 00:07:04,964
- What's wrong?- Nothing's wrong.
181
00:07:04,958 --> 00:07:06,558
- What's wrong?
- Nothing's wrong.
182
00:07:06,560 --> 00:07:07,660
- What's wrong?
- Nothing's wrong.
183
00:07:07,661 --> 00:07:08,691
- What's wrong?
- Nothing's wrong.
184
00:07:08,695 --> 00:07:09,685
Would you stop doing that?
185
00:07:09,696 --> 00:07:10,726
Okay, fine!
- What's wrong?
186
00:07:10,731 --> 00:07:11,901
- You want to know
what's wrong?
187
00:07:11,899 --> 00:07:13,699
You are a full-time job.
188
00:07:13,700 --> 00:07:15,070
I wake up,
there's eleanor.
189
00:07:15,068 --> 00:07:17,138
I spend all day
teaching eleanor.
190
00:07:17,137 --> 00:07:19,037
And then it's,
"good night, eleanor."
191
00:07:19,039 --> 00:07:21,539
oh, this is a nice dream,
my grandma's here.
192
00:07:21,542 --> 00:07:23,012
Wait, she's got
eleanor's face!
193
00:07:23,010 --> 00:07:24,910
And tentacles
for some reason.
194
00:07:24,912 --> 00:07:27,082
- I thought
you liked teaching me.
195
00:07:27,080 --> 00:07:29,510
So now I'm just
some huge burden for you?
196
00:07:29,516 --> 00:07:30,516
- Yes!
197
00:07:30,517 --> 00:07:31,517
Of course you are!
198
00:07:31,518 --> 00:07:32,878
I am in paradise!
199
00:07:32,886 --> 00:07:34,686
I should be doing
paradise things,
200
00:07:34,688 --> 00:07:37,158
like rowing out on a lake
with a good bottle of wine,
201
00:07:37,157 --> 00:07:38,557
reading french poetry.
202
00:07:38,559 --> 00:07:40,829
- That's your idea
of paradise?
203
00:07:40,828 --> 00:07:43,128
- You know,
and I can't stop helping you,
204
00:07:43,130 --> 00:07:45,730
because then I am
shirking my ethical duty.
205
00:07:45,732 --> 00:07:47,172
It's an impossible position!
206
00:07:47,167 --> 00:07:49,167
- You know what, if you're so
stressed from writing
207
00:07:49,169 --> 00:07:51,239
on a chalkboard,
why don't you just leave?
208
00:07:51,238 --> 00:07:52,938
We can pretend to be
soul mates in public,
209
00:07:52,940 --> 00:07:54,970
but other than that, we don't
have to see each other!
210
00:07:54,975 --> 00:07:56,535
- Fine with me!
I'll move out right now.
211
00:07:56,543 --> 00:07:57,543
- Fine!
212
00:07:57,544 --> 00:07:58,684
[alarm blares]
213
00:07:58,679 --> 00:08:00,579
- good afternoon.
214
00:08:00,580 --> 00:08:02,480
As you all may remember,a sinkhole recently
215
00:08:02,483 --> 00:08:04,553
opened up in the town center.
216
00:08:04,551 --> 00:08:06,991
The situation, sadly,has worsened.
217
00:08:06,987 --> 00:08:09,187
Starting right now,no one may go outside
218
00:08:09,189 --> 00:08:11,589
under any circumstances.
219
00:08:11,592 --> 00:08:15,092
Leaving your homes could resultin catastrophic damage,
220
00:08:15,095 --> 00:08:17,955
to you and to the very fabricof the universe.
221
00:08:17,965 --> 00:08:20,125
Okay, bye.
222
00:08:20,133 --> 00:08:22,273
- Or we could both
just stay here.
223
00:08:25,172 --> 00:08:28,842
- We hope you enjoy youreternal stay in the good place.
224
00:08:28,842 --> 00:08:32,242
Take advantage of our day spa,or janet--
225
00:08:32,246 --> 00:08:35,706
a magical assistant who can getyou whatever you want.
226
00:08:35,716 --> 00:08:37,076
- You mind turning that off?
227
00:08:37,084 --> 00:08:38,884
It's been playing
on a loop for two days.
228
00:08:38,886 --> 00:08:41,616
- The whole neighborhood
is offline.
229
00:08:41,622 --> 00:08:43,522
We only get
the welcome channel.
230
00:08:43,524 --> 00:08:46,564
I would love to not watch tv,
231
00:08:46,560 --> 00:08:48,590
but you canceled school.
232
00:08:48,595 --> 00:08:50,675
[gasps]
233
00:08:50,680 --> 00:08:52,760
what have you done to me,
you monster?
234
00:08:52,766 --> 00:08:54,696
Look at all these
dishes piling up.
235
00:08:54,701 --> 00:08:56,571
I used to just
throw them in the sink,
236
00:08:56,570 --> 00:08:58,840
and they'd be magically
cleaned by morning.
237
00:08:58,839 --> 00:09:00,539
- I did that.
I cleaned the dishes.
238
00:09:00,541 --> 00:09:01,841
- Oh.
239
00:09:01,842 --> 00:09:03,242
Then what's up
with these bad boys?
240
00:09:03,243 --> 00:09:06,553
- You are unbelievable.
241
00:09:06,547 --> 00:09:07,927
- Are you still upset?
242
00:09:07,931 --> 00:09:09,311
You're not over it yet?
- How can I be over it?
243
00:09:09,316 --> 00:09:12,116
We haven't discussed it
or even spoken for days.
244
00:09:12,119 --> 00:09:14,719
- Well, it sounds like you've
had a really nice "vacation"
245
00:09:14,721 --> 00:09:16,121
from your "full-time job."
246
00:09:16,123 --> 00:09:17,763
get your story straight, bro!
247
00:09:17,758 --> 00:09:18,858
[knocking]
248
00:09:18,859 --> 00:09:20,729
- hey, guys, it's michael.
249
00:09:21,995 --> 00:09:24,095
- Hi, michael,
what a lovely surprise.
250
00:09:24,097 --> 00:09:26,967
- Oh, I'd love to make small
talk--I've been practicing, too.
251
00:09:26,967 --> 00:09:29,297
I'm amazing at it--but I'm in
a bit of a rush here.
252
00:09:29,303 --> 00:09:31,103
This is bart and nina.
253
00:09:31,104 --> 00:09:34,044
They live right next door
to the, uh, sinkhole,
254
00:09:34,041 --> 00:09:36,611
so they obviously
need a place to stay.
255
00:09:36,610 --> 00:09:38,580
I was wondering, as my
assistant, maybe you could
256
00:09:38,579 --> 00:09:39,879
put them up for a while?
257
00:09:39,880 --> 00:09:41,210
- Oh, of course.
258
00:09:41,214 --> 00:09:42,284
Don't--don't think twice.
259
00:09:42,282 --> 00:09:43,722
- Okay, shouldn't take long.
260
00:09:43,717 --> 00:09:45,677
Between an hour and, um...
261
00:09:45,686 --> 00:09:46,686
11 months.
262
00:09:46,687 --> 00:09:48,887
Somewhere in there.
Okay, bye.
263
00:09:50,023 --> 00:09:51,723
Don't go outside.
264
00:09:52,626 --> 00:09:53,856
[door closes]
265
00:09:53,860 --> 00:09:54,890
- ha...
266
00:09:54,895 --> 00:09:56,925
- [chuckles]
267
00:09:59,733 --> 00:10:02,273
- hello, everyone,
and welcome to day three
268
00:10:02,269 --> 00:10:05,089
of our brunch siege.
269
00:10:05,088 --> 00:10:07,908
I stayed up all night to plan
a full day of fun activities.
270
00:10:07,908 --> 00:10:10,108
Just check the schedule I made.
271
00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:12,610
- Tahani, you are
truly the best.
272
00:10:12,613 --> 00:10:15,883
- Yes, you would think so,
wouldn't you, henriette?
273
00:10:17,217 --> 00:10:18,777
[device chimes]
274
00:10:18,785 --> 00:10:20,785
no second to last.
275
00:10:20,787 --> 00:10:22,647
[sighs]
276
00:10:22,656 --> 00:10:26,286
[indistinct chatter]
277
00:10:26,293 --> 00:10:28,843
- tahani!
278
00:10:28,845 --> 00:10:31,395
This auction threatens to be
an embarrassing failure.
279
00:10:31,398 --> 00:10:34,028
- 5.2 million isn't bad.
280
00:10:34,034 --> 00:10:36,234
- It's very
"middle-thermometer."
281
00:10:36,236 --> 00:10:40,936
your public failure
is our public failure.
282
00:10:40,941 --> 00:10:43,311
- You know what
has to be done.
283
00:10:43,310 --> 00:10:45,910
- I'm very pleased to announce
that there has been
284
00:10:45,912 --> 00:10:48,912
an addition to today's docket.
285
00:10:48,915 --> 00:10:52,145
I'm sure you all know
my sister, kamilah.
286
00:10:52,152 --> 00:10:54,852
[cheers and applause]
287
00:10:54,855 --> 00:10:56,815
yes.
Kamilah.
288
00:10:56,823 --> 00:10:58,993
Kamilah, of course,
is the youngest person ever
289
00:10:58,992 --> 00:11:01,032
to graduate from
oxford university,
290
00:11:01,028 --> 00:11:04,958
she's a world-class painter,
social activist, iconoclast,
291
00:11:04,965 --> 00:11:08,425
olympic gold medalist
for archery,
292
00:11:08,435 --> 00:11:11,235
a bafta award-winner
for her documentary
293
00:11:11,238 --> 00:11:13,738
on her grammy award-winning
album,
294
00:11:13,740 --> 00:11:17,910
and the person voted
"most likely to be banksy."
295
00:11:17,911 --> 00:11:20,681
so without further ado,
296
00:11:20,681 --> 00:11:22,111
take it away from me!
297
00:11:22,115 --> 00:11:24,915
Sorry, I mean take it away,
kamilah.
298
00:11:24,918 --> 00:11:28,318
[applause]
299
00:11:28,321 --> 00:11:30,721
- I am auctioning off
a lunch date with me.
300
00:11:30,724 --> 00:11:32,974
[crowd exclaims]
301
00:11:32,975 --> 00:11:35,225
the bidding shall commence
at £3 million.
302
00:11:35,228 --> 00:11:36,728
[excited murmuring]
303
00:11:36,730 --> 00:11:38,360
- 5 million!
304
00:11:38,365 --> 00:11:39,455
[crowd exclaims]
305
00:11:45,872 --> 00:11:47,872
- thank you guys so much.
306
00:11:47,874 --> 00:11:50,884
Sorry for the imposition.
- Oh, bah.
307
00:11:50,877 --> 00:11:52,337
- Oh, well, if you want to know
the truth,
308
00:11:52,345 --> 00:11:54,145
we asked michael
if we could stay with you.
309
00:11:54,147 --> 00:11:56,377
We are obsessed
with your relationship.
310
00:11:56,383 --> 00:11:59,383
Always whispering, locking
yourself in the house all day.
311
00:11:59,386 --> 00:12:02,346
- I thought I was an expert in
true love 'cause of my old job,
312
00:12:02,355 --> 00:12:04,915
but I have a lot
to learn from you guys.
313
00:12:04,925 --> 00:12:06,455
- Your job?
What was your job?
314
00:12:06,460 --> 00:12:08,740
- I was a marriage counselor.
315
00:12:08,745 --> 00:12:11,025
You could say I wrote the book
on healthy relationships.
316
00:12:11,031 --> 00:12:12,201
And I did!
317
00:12:12,199 --> 00:12:13,729
[both laughing]
318
00:12:13,734 --> 00:12:16,204
it's called, "how to spot
problems in a marriage
319
00:12:16,203 --> 00:12:17,873
from 100 miles away."
320
00:12:17,871 --> 00:12:19,171
both: Oh, cool.
321
00:12:19,172 --> 00:12:20,412
- Really cool.
- Cool.
322
00:12:20,407 --> 00:12:22,007
- Really, really cool.
- Cool, cool.
323
00:12:22,008 --> 00:12:23,938
And what about you, bart?
324
00:12:23,943 --> 00:12:25,883
- Oh, well, my job wasn't nearly
as interesting.
325
00:12:25,879 --> 00:12:28,279
I started a company that
investigated identity theft.
326
00:12:28,281 --> 00:12:30,781
Analyzing body language,
tracking and catching people
327
00:12:30,784 --> 00:12:32,224
pretending to be
someone they're not.
328
00:12:32,219 --> 00:12:34,289
It's--pssh, snooze,
am I right?
329
00:12:34,287 --> 00:12:36,417
[both chuckling]
330
00:12:36,423 --> 00:12:37,793
- they're gonna catch us!
331
00:12:37,791 --> 00:12:40,091
This is an extremely
precarious situation!
332
00:12:40,093 --> 00:12:41,763
I am vexed, eleanor!
333
00:12:41,762 --> 00:12:43,962
- A marriage counselor
and a human lie detector
334
00:12:43,964 --> 00:12:46,134
isn't my first choice
for company, either.
335
00:12:46,133 --> 00:12:48,873
But they have no reason
to suspect us!
336
00:12:48,869 --> 00:12:52,439
Plus, I think they may have
actually just come here
337
00:12:52,439 --> 00:12:55,939
to, you know, swing.
338
00:12:55,942 --> 00:12:57,282
I say we do it.
339
00:12:57,277 --> 00:12:58,907
It'll get 'em to stop
asking questions.
340
00:12:58,912 --> 00:13:01,352
- No, I am not going to
have sex with someone
341
00:13:01,348 --> 00:13:03,378
to get them to
stop talking to me!
342
00:13:03,383 --> 00:13:05,523
- Really?
You and I are very different.
343
00:13:05,519 --> 00:13:06,989
- Yeah, I noticed!
344
00:13:06,987 --> 00:13:08,187
- You know what, man?
345
00:13:08,188 --> 00:13:10,018
I have spent
every second in this place
346
00:13:10,023 --> 00:13:11,193
worried I was
gonna get caught,
347
00:13:11,191 --> 00:13:12,891
but if we go down right now,
348
00:13:12,893 --> 00:13:14,293
that's on you, okay?
349
00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:16,264
Oh, you spend all your time
teaching a
350
00:13:16,263 --> 00:13:17,533
charming, awesome lady?
351
00:13:17,531 --> 00:13:20,131
How sad for you.
Face it, dude.
352
00:13:20,133 --> 00:13:21,933
I'm the best thing
that ever happened to you.
353
00:13:21,935 --> 00:13:23,495
Because guess what, chidi?
354
00:13:23,503 --> 00:13:26,473
Ya basic!
- Eleanor--
355
00:13:26,473 --> 00:13:28,513
- yeah, I know, you want to do
that thing where we're
356
00:13:28,508 --> 00:13:30,538
arguing and fighting,
but then suddenly it's like,
357
00:13:30,544 --> 00:13:32,584
"whoa, this is hot,"
and we start making out.
358
00:13:32,579 --> 00:13:33,949
Dream on!
359
00:13:33,947 --> 00:13:35,307
Or, whatever, fine,
let's just do it.
360
00:13:35,315 --> 00:13:36,975
- No, eleanor, look.
361
00:13:43,423 --> 00:13:45,893
- So how much of that
did you hear?
362
00:13:45,892 --> 00:13:47,562
- We couldn't hear you,
but I'm an expert in
363
00:13:47,561 --> 00:13:49,491
non-verbal communication,
and it is clear--
364
00:13:49,496 --> 00:13:51,156
you are in conflict.
365
00:13:51,164 --> 00:13:52,364
- We're not judging you.
366
00:13:52,365 --> 00:13:54,295
This has been
a tough couple of weeks.
367
00:13:54,301 --> 00:13:57,041
I'm sure the stress of the
sinkhole has caused
368
00:13:57,037 --> 00:13:58,567
lots of soul mate squabbles.
369
00:13:58,572 --> 00:14:00,872
- Yes, that's what it is.
370
00:14:00,874 --> 00:14:02,044
A squabble.
371
00:14:02,042 --> 00:14:03,582
We're squabbling.
- Squabble, squabble!
372
00:14:03,577 --> 00:14:05,857
- I can help.
373
00:14:05,862 --> 00:14:08,152
I'm gonna take your relationship
and put it under a microscope
374
00:14:08,148 --> 00:14:11,278
and dig and poke and prod
375
00:14:11,284 --> 00:14:14,194
until you are back
to soul mate harmony.
376
00:14:14,187 --> 00:14:16,597
Eleanor, why don't you--
377
00:14:16,605 --> 00:14:19,015
- she never does the dishes.
I have to do them all the time.
378
00:14:19,025 --> 00:14:21,155
- We just have different
interests.
379
00:14:21,161 --> 00:14:23,931
I like relaxing, he likes
getting on my case
380
00:14:23,930 --> 00:14:25,030
about the dishes.
381
00:14:25,031 --> 00:14:26,931
- I'm getting a lot of
repressed anger.
382
00:14:26,933 --> 00:14:29,333
I suspected this when I arrived,
but now I'm sure.
383
00:14:29,336 --> 00:14:33,366
You are hiding something.
- What on earth would I be--
384
00:14:33,373 --> 00:14:35,373
- no, no, no, not you.
385
00:14:35,375 --> 00:14:38,335
Him.
386
00:14:39,613 --> 00:14:41,353
- Please go back inside.
387
00:14:41,348 --> 00:14:44,018
It isn't safe to beout of your home.
388
00:14:44,017 --> 00:14:45,477
Please go back inside.
389
00:14:45,485 --> 00:14:47,445
Janet,
could you see what's wrong?
390
00:14:47,454 --> 00:14:49,154
- Everything.
391
00:14:49,155 --> 00:14:50,955
- Ugh.
392
00:14:52,292 --> 00:14:53,422
- My goodness!
393
00:14:53,426 --> 00:14:54,626
It's even worse
than I thought.
394
00:14:54,628 --> 00:14:56,158
- Tahani, what're you
doing here?
395
00:14:56,162 --> 00:14:58,202
- Well, everyone else might be
okay staying inside,
396
00:14:58,198 --> 00:14:59,628
but I wanted to help.
397
00:14:59,633 --> 00:15:02,233
So I've brought some cheer
and sustenance
398
00:15:02,235 --> 00:15:03,365
to raise your spirits.
399
00:15:03,370 --> 00:15:05,200
Look, I made donut holes.
400
00:15:05,205 --> 00:15:07,305
Do you get it?
"donut holes"?
401
00:15:07,307 --> 00:15:08,967
Sinkhole.
402
00:15:08,975 --> 00:15:10,675
Funny, no?
- No, too soon.
403
00:15:10,677 --> 00:15:12,477
By exactly nine days.
404
00:15:12,479 --> 00:15:15,649
- Tahani, this sinkhole
is incredibly dangerous.
405
00:15:15,649 --> 00:15:17,319
If a human gets
too close to it,
406
00:15:17,317 --> 00:15:19,347
there could be disastrous
side effects.
407
00:15:19,352 --> 00:15:20,952
[shimmering tones]
408
00:15:20,954 --> 00:15:22,924
- what's--what's happening
to me?
409
00:15:22,923 --> 00:15:24,363
- Oh, that's one of
the side effects.
410
00:15:24,357 --> 00:15:26,657
- Janet, knock her out
while we still have time.
411
00:15:26,660 --> 00:15:28,230
- Knock me out?
What does that--
412
00:15:28,228 --> 00:15:29,528
- boop.
413
00:15:32,532 --> 00:15:35,232
- Guys, really,
it's no big deal.
414
00:15:35,235 --> 00:15:38,235
- "it's not a big deal"
is nearly always code
415
00:15:38,238 --> 00:15:40,238
for "something is wrong."
416
00:15:40,240 --> 00:15:42,170
- boom!
That's what I said.
417
00:15:42,175 --> 00:15:43,635
I should've been
a marriage counselor.
418
00:15:43,643 --> 00:15:45,713
- Okay, chidi, out with it.
419
00:15:45,712 --> 00:15:48,952
What is so unsatisfying about
your soul mate relationship?
420
00:15:48,949 --> 00:15:50,449
- Be honest, chidi.
421
00:15:50,450 --> 00:15:55,050
Be, like, the exact
right amount of honest
422
00:15:55,055 --> 00:15:58,985
so that we can
both be happy.
423
00:15:58,992 --> 00:16:02,392
- I never had
a soul mate on earth.
424
00:16:02,395 --> 00:16:05,125
I-I never even really had
425
00:16:05,131 --> 00:16:08,301
a girlfriend that I "loved."
426
00:16:08,301 --> 00:16:10,071
and when I got here,
and michael said I would
427
00:16:10,070 --> 00:16:12,500
finally meet
my actual soul mate,
428
00:16:12,505 --> 00:16:14,135
I was so excited.
429
00:16:14,140 --> 00:16:16,980
And it isn't...
430
00:16:16,977 --> 00:16:20,177
Exactly...What I thought.
431
00:16:20,180 --> 00:16:23,610
- You've never had
an intense relationship before.
432
00:16:23,616 --> 00:16:26,216
This is all
uncharted territory.
433
00:16:26,219 --> 00:16:29,049
- No wonder you're so tense.
434
00:16:29,055 --> 00:16:33,355
You know, nina and I are skilled
in the art of massage.
435
00:16:33,360 --> 00:16:35,430
Uh, not erotic massage.
436
00:16:35,428 --> 00:16:37,628
Although, it can be, and it
often leads there, anyway--
437
00:16:37,630 --> 00:16:39,600
- okay, well,
you know what?
438
00:16:39,599 --> 00:16:42,129
You guys have given us
so much to think about.
439
00:16:42,135 --> 00:16:43,165
And I think
we should go to bed.
440
00:16:43,169 --> 00:16:45,499
Just the two of us, alone.
Just us.
441
00:16:45,505 --> 00:16:47,565
[whispers] I know it's not
the right time, but I told you.
442
00:16:49,142 --> 00:16:51,712
- Tahani, wake up, dear.
443
00:16:51,711 --> 00:16:54,081
- Michael.
444
00:16:54,080 --> 00:16:55,580
Did it work?
445
00:16:55,582 --> 00:16:58,382
Did I fix the sinkhole?
Am I a heroine?
446
00:16:58,385 --> 00:17:01,345
- No, you did something
catastrophically stupid
447
00:17:01,354 --> 00:17:03,054
and we had to knock you
unconscious.
448
00:17:03,056 --> 00:17:05,456
Why in the world did you
go outside?
449
00:17:05,458 --> 00:17:08,528
- Because I saw the rankings
in the manual.
450
00:17:08,528 --> 00:17:11,028
- That manual is only meant
to be seen by
451
00:17:11,031 --> 00:17:12,461
architects and janets.
452
00:17:12,465 --> 00:17:14,795
It's got some very
sensitive material.
453
00:17:14,801 --> 00:17:17,301
Plus some song lyrics
I've been working on,
454
00:17:17,303 --> 00:17:19,243
and I'd rather not
let people see those
455
00:17:19,239 --> 00:17:21,409
until they're finished.
456
00:17:21,408 --> 00:17:25,808
Anyway, why did seeing the
rankings unravel you so?
457
00:17:28,048 --> 00:17:31,378
- I was so sorry to hear
of your parents' passing.
458
00:17:31,384 --> 00:17:34,654
Please bear with me as I share
their last will and testament.
459
00:17:34,654 --> 00:17:37,424
"to kamilah,
we have left £68 million,
460
00:17:37,424 --> 00:17:40,164
"the home in kensington,
the yacht,
461
00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:42,560
and other assorted
weekend boats."
462
00:17:42,562 --> 00:17:45,732
- well, what did they leave
their second favorite child?
463
00:17:45,732 --> 00:17:47,532
- There's still
quite a lot of, um,
464
00:17:47,534 --> 00:17:49,704
money and property
that goes to you.
465
00:17:49,702 --> 00:17:52,072
There is one issue, however.
466
00:17:52,072 --> 00:17:55,442
They have, um, spelled your
name incorrectly in the will.
467
00:17:55,442 --> 00:17:58,082
- You've got to be
kidding me.
468
00:17:58,077 --> 00:18:00,707
- It says, "we bequeath the rest
of our estate to tahini."
469
00:18:00,713 --> 00:18:02,113
like the sauce.
470
00:18:02,115 --> 00:18:03,505
- You know what?
471
00:18:03,516 --> 00:18:04,816
I don't want the money.
472
00:18:04,818 --> 00:18:07,488
My sister can
have it all.
473
00:18:07,487 --> 00:18:10,857
My whole life,
I have lived in your shadow,
474
00:18:10,857 --> 00:18:13,257
but now I'm going to
step out of it.
475
00:18:13,259 --> 00:18:16,689
I am going to achieve heights of
success and sophistication
476
00:18:16,696 --> 00:18:18,226
that you can only dream of.
477
00:18:18,231 --> 00:18:20,231
- Your cardigan's on
inside out.
478
00:18:20,233 --> 00:18:21,673
- I know!
479
00:18:21,668 --> 00:18:24,568
It's a new trend
that I am starting.
480
00:18:24,571 --> 00:18:26,271
Just one example
of how I'm going to
481
00:18:26,272 --> 00:18:27,642
step out of your shadow.
482
00:18:28,875 --> 00:18:31,005
[sighs]
483
00:18:31,010 --> 00:18:33,140
oh, I'm sorry that I looked at
the rankings, michael.
484
00:18:33,146 --> 00:18:36,206
But I just don't understand
how I'm so low.
485
00:18:36,216 --> 00:18:38,876
My entire life, I have tried
to be extraordinary,
486
00:18:38,885 --> 00:18:40,845
but it just never
seemed to be enough.
487
00:18:40,854 --> 00:18:42,624
- Ah.
488
00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:45,122
And you thought you could
increase your ranking
489
00:18:45,125 --> 00:18:48,355
by helping us fix
the sinkhole.
490
00:18:48,361 --> 00:18:52,901
Tahani, the point evaluations
stop the moment you die.
491
00:18:52,899 --> 00:18:56,669
But also,
out of literally billions,
492
00:18:56,669 --> 00:19:00,909
you were one of the most
remarkable people on earth.
493
00:19:00,907 --> 00:19:04,637
You have nothing left to prove,
to anyone.
494
00:19:04,644 --> 00:19:06,284
[chiming]
- hi, there.
495
00:19:06,279 --> 00:19:08,749
The sinkhole has
begun to repair itself.
496
00:19:08,748 --> 00:19:10,408
- [gasps]
- it has?
497
00:19:10,416 --> 00:19:11,546
- Could it be--
- but how--
498
00:19:11,551 --> 00:19:13,131
- did I...?
499
00:19:13,135 --> 00:19:14,715
"tahani saves the un--"
- no, no, no.
500
00:19:14,721 --> 00:19:16,521
Still not you.
You have nothing to do with it.
501
00:19:16,523 --> 00:19:17,863
We've got to leave
immediately.
502
00:19:19,225 --> 00:19:22,255
It's now safeto go outside.
503
00:19:22,262 --> 00:19:24,662
It's now safe to go outside.
504
00:19:24,664 --> 00:19:27,234
It's now safeto go outside.
505
00:19:29,702 --> 00:19:32,242
- Morning, teach!
- Morning.
506
00:19:32,238 --> 00:19:33,838
What's this about?
507
00:19:33,840 --> 00:19:35,610
- Well, here's what
I realized.
508
00:19:35,608 --> 00:19:38,208
It's not just that helping me
is a full-time job
509
00:19:38,211 --> 00:19:40,481
that you feel you have to do.
510
00:19:40,480 --> 00:19:43,210
The real problem is,
that the more you help me,
511
00:19:43,216 --> 00:19:45,616
the greater the chance is
that I can stay here,
512
00:19:45,618 --> 00:19:47,718
and me staying here means
513
00:19:47,720 --> 00:19:50,760
you'll never get
a real soul mate.
514
00:19:50,757 --> 00:19:52,687
I'm basically a utilitarian
nightmare.
515
00:19:52,692 --> 00:19:55,032
- [laughs]
516
00:19:55,027 --> 00:19:57,357
- every ounce of my happiness
leads to a ton of pain for you.
517
00:19:57,363 --> 00:20:00,933
So every time the simple fact
of my existence
518
00:20:00,934 --> 00:20:03,874
starts to bum you out,
519
00:20:03,870 --> 00:20:06,540
I want you to
hold this up.
520
00:20:06,539 --> 00:20:07,639
- [laughs]
521
00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:10,640
- at which point,
I will leave you alone
522
00:20:10,643 --> 00:20:12,283
for as long as you need.
523
00:20:12,278 --> 00:20:16,508
I know we'll never be soul
mates, but we're friends.
524
00:20:16,516 --> 00:20:19,816
Now get in this boat and read
some boring french poetry.
525
00:20:30,563 --> 00:20:32,603
- I--I've never actually
done this before.
526
00:20:32,599 --> 00:20:34,429
This is a theoretical fantasy.
527
00:20:34,434 --> 00:20:36,304
How do you row a boat?
528
00:20:37,303 --> 00:20:38,503
- I'll tell ya,
it's good as new.
529
00:20:38,504 --> 00:20:39,874
Go ahead,
if you want, just--here.
530
00:20:39,872 --> 00:20:40,972
Whoo!
See?
531
00:20:40,974 --> 00:20:42,374
You can jump up
and down on it.
532
00:20:42,375 --> 00:20:44,635
- Hey, boss.
So you fixed the sinkhole.
533
00:20:44,644 --> 00:20:46,944
- Yup, good as new.
Crisis averted.
534
00:20:46,946 --> 00:20:48,446
Everybody have
a wonderful day,
535
00:20:48,448 --> 00:20:50,948
because I fixed the sinkhole.
536
00:20:50,950 --> 00:20:53,450
I didn't fix the sinkhole.
- Sorry?
537
00:20:53,453 --> 00:20:55,793
- I tried and I tried,
but nothing worked.
538
00:20:55,788 --> 00:20:57,258
And then all of a sudden...
539
00:20:57,257 --> 00:20:59,287
This morning, out of the blue,
it just--whoop!
540
00:20:59,292 --> 00:21:01,832
It just closed over.
541
00:21:01,828 --> 00:21:03,528
- Huh.
542
00:21:03,529 --> 00:21:05,399
How 'bout that?
543
00:21:05,398 --> 00:21:06,898
Well, as your assistant,
544
00:21:06,899 --> 00:21:09,329
I officially
declare this good news.
545
00:21:09,335 --> 00:21:11,735
- No, this is terrible news!
546
00:21:11,738 --> 00:21:14,368
I have no idea what caused it,
eleanor.
547
00:21:14,374 --> 00:21:16,644
And no idea what fixed it.
548
00:21:16,643 --> 00:21:19,783
I want you to come to my office
first thing in the morning.
549
00:21:19,779 --> 00:21:23,849
You and I are gonna
find this problem.
40273
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