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1
00:00:02,607 --> 00:00:05,543
"Last Man Standing" is recorded in
front of a live studio audience.
2
00:00:05,610 --> 00:00:07,511
Mike, I thought there was supposed to be
3
00:00:07,579 --> 00:00:09,680
an article about you in the
"Denver Business Weekly."
4
00:00:09,748 --> 00:00:15,052
Guy needed more time. Apparently 5,000
words isn't enough to take in all of this.
5
00:00:15,120 --> 00:00:19,056
Well, that's the price you
pay for being so fascinating.
6
00:00:19,124 --> 00:00:21,125
Thank goodness you're a geologist.
7
00:00:21,193 --> 00:00:22,226
You dodged that bullet.
8
00:00:23,495 --> 00:00:24,862
Good morning.
9
00:00:24,930 --> 00:00:26,463
- Hey!
- Hey!
10
00:00:26,531 --> 00:00:30,067
So I brought some leftover stuff from
the restaurant that didn't sell.
11
00:00:30,135 --> 00:00:31,602
That's called garbage.
12
00:00:31,670 --> 00:00:32,937
Chocolate eclairs.
13
00:00:33,004 --> 00:00:35,539
Whoa. Put them right there. (Laughs)
14
00:00:35,607 --> 00:00:38,175
Hey, Eve, I saw that article
about you in the sports section.
15
00:00:38,243 --> 00:00:40,244
Yeah. It wasn't just about me, though.
16
00:00:40,312 --> 00:00:43,214
The coach and the other
players had some quotes...
17
00:00:43,281 --> 00:00:45,049
About me.
18
00:00:45,116 --> 00:00:48,686
Wait a sec. Eve's in the paper,
dad's in a magazine. Sorry.
19
00:00:48,753 --> 00:00:51,789
Did this whole family get
a publicist and not tell me?
20
00:00:51,856 --> 00:00:53,190
You don't need a publicist.
21
00:00:53,258 --> 00:00:55,359
Aren't you mentioned in a lot of limericks?
22
00:00:55,427 --> 00:00:57,394
Joke's on you!
23
00:00:57,462 --> 00:01:00,130
I don't know what a limerick is.
24
00:01:00,198 --> 00:01:01,432
Look at this.
25
00:01:01,499 --> 00:01:03,667
"Woodbridge High has
upped their scoring average
26
00:01:03,735 --> 00:01:07,171
since adding female
kicker Eve Baxter."
27
00:01:07,239 --> 00:01:09,473
- That's fantastic, honey.
- Pretty sweet.
28
00:01:09,541 --> 00:01:11,308
My daughter is a star football player.
29
00:01:11,376 --> 00:01:14,545
I just keep getting more
fascinating. (Sighs)
30
00:01:14,613 --> 00:01:16,894
I just don't get why they keep
calling me "female kicker."
31
00:01:16,948 --> 00:01:18,616
Why can't I just be the kicker?
32
00:01:18,683 --> 00:01:21,919
You know? Uh, because you're the only
player in the league who wears a bra.
33
00:01:21,987 --> 00:01:25,923
Mm, I don't know. That right tackle,
300-pounder, could use a bra.
34
00:01:25,991 --> 00:01:29,893
Well, pointing out that you're female just
raises visibility for woman athletes.
35
00:01:29,961 --> 00:01:32,963
You are inspiring girls to believe
that they can compete with boys.
36
00:01:33,031 --> 00:01:34,598
Let's not get carried away here.
37
00:01:34,666 --> 00:01:35,933
Not everybody can be Eve.
38
00:01:36,001 --> 00:01:38,636
I mean, look at this
family. We're only 1-for-3.
39
00:01:38,703 --> 00:01:40,838
Eve is opening doors for women.
40
00:01:40,905 --> 00:01:42,840
Huh. Just like Hillary Clinton.
41
00:01:42,907 --> 00:01:43,941
(Chuckles)
42
00:01:44,009 --> 00:01:47,978
No, Hillary better knock, make
sure Bill's got his pants on.
43
00:01:49,681 --> 00:01:53,517
Synced and corrected by Katniss Everdeen.
www.addic7ed.com
44
00:01:57,589 --> 00:01:59,923
How about we call this
one the "Santa Maria"?
45
00:01:59,991 --> 00:02:02,192
1,600 horsepower, twin turbo.
46
00:02:02,260 --> 00:02:06,463
If Columbus had this, he could have made
it across the ocean in, like, two days.
47
00:02:06,531 --> 00:02:10,267
And Columbus day would have been two months
ago and we would have missed the sale.
48
00:02:10,335 --> 00:02:12,303
Good call, Mr. B.
49
00:02:12,370 --> 00:02:15,272
Just put the sign in the mako, please.
50
00:02:15,340 --> 00:02:16,674
Aye, aye, captain.
51
00:02:16,741 --> 00:02:18,208
Yeah, you gotta give it up for Columbus.
52
00:02:18,276 --> 00:02:20,044
Discovering the new world.
53
00:02:20,111 --> 00:02:22,112
Well, I'll give him this
...he's a good salesman.
54
00:02:22,180 --> 00:02:23,847
I think you mean sailor.
55
00:02:23,915 --> 00:02:25,582
No, I mean salesman. He was an Italian,
56
00:02:25,650 --> 00:02:29,186
got the Spanish to pay for three trips
to India, which he never found,
57
00:02:29,254 --> 00:02:31,355
That's a good salesman.
58
00:02:31,423 --> 00:02:34,391
Look at this. Look at
this. This is looking good.
59
00:02:34,459 --> 00:02:35,959
It's my job to please the boss.
60
00:02:36,027 --> 00:02:38,796
Actually, that's my job.
61
00:02:38,863 --> 00:02:41,031
Okay, here comes that
breakfast burrito. (Coughs)
62
00:02:41,099 --> 00:02:43,334
A little P.D.A. has never
hurt anyone, Mike.
63
00:02:43,401 --> 00:02:44,835
Then why am I so uncomfortable?
64
00:02:44,903 --> 00:02:46,637
Because you're slouching.
65
00:02:48,239 --> 00:02:50,400
You know, I like hearing
Mike call you the boss, Eddie,
66
00:02:50,442 --> 00:02:53,811
but I look around the store and
all I see is Mike's clone army
67
00:02:53,878 --> 00:02:55,446
You know, that's interesting.
68
00:02:55,513 --> 00:02:58,315
The U.S. government experimented
briefly with a clone army
69
00:02:58,383 --> 00:03:03,520
of Mike Baxters, but they decided no one
country should have that much power.
70
00:03:03,588 --> 00:03:07,658
I wish I had a clone...
just to try out haircuts on.
71
00:03:07,726 --> 00:03:11,929
Or to bounce ideas off like that
before you say 'em out loud.
72
00:03:11,996 --> 00:03:14,765
Listen, I've got a few clones that
won't come out of the closet.
73
00:03:14,833 --> 00:03:16,767
I gotta go grab 'em.
74
00:03:16,835 --> 00:03:18,302
Mm. I'm serious, babe.
75
00:03:18,370 --> 00:03:20,337
Why aren't there any
pictures of you in the store?
76
00:03:20,405 --> 00:03:23,874
Oh, Mike is the face of
Outdoor Man, always has been.
77
00:03:23,942 --> 00:03:26,343
Because he's so ruggedly handsome.
78
00:03:26,411 --> 00:03:28,445
My Eddie is every bit as handsome.
79
00:03:28,513 --> 00:03:31,248
(Laughs)
80
00:03:33,084 --> 00:03:37,054
I'm sorry. I just laughed 'cause
you said something so crazy.
81
00:03:37,122 --> 00:03:39,323
Kyle...
82
00:03:39,391 --> 00:03:42,893
A pigeon took a crap
on my car this morning.
83
00:03:42,961 --> 00:03:44,194
Go take care of it.
84
00:03:44,262 --> 00:03:46,130
I'll clean that up right away, sir.
85
00:03:46,197 --> 00:03:48,265
No, no, no.
86
00:03:48,333 --> 00:03:49,967
I mean, take care of it.
87
00:03:50,034 --> 00:03:51,568
Hmm?
88
00:03:51,636 --> 00:03:54,805
I want to send a message
to the rest of the flock.
89
00:03:54,873 --> 00:03:57,975
This would be a perfect
job for crew-cut Kyle.
90
00:03:58,042 --> 00:03:59,476
Thanks.
91
00:03:59,544 --> 00:04:03,414
I got to tell you, it bothers me
that when people hear "Outdoor Man,"
92
00:04:03,481 --> 00:04:05,482
they don't think of you
...they think of Mike.
93
00:04:05,550 --> 00:04:08,352
Marketing is Mike's
thing, which he's great at,
94
00:04:08,420 --> 00:04:10,454
which gives me more time
with you. (Chuckles)
95
00:04:10,522 --> 00:04:12,389
Which I am great at. (Chuckles)
96
00:04:12,457 --> 00:04:13,757
As long as I have 30 minutes notice.
97
00:04:13,825 --> 00:04:16,059
(Laughs) You know? (Laughs)
98
00:04:16,127 --> 00:04:18,562
I would still like to see
you featured in the ads.
99
00:04:18,630 --> 00:04:20,564
No, no... I don't photograph well.
100
00:04:20,632 --> 00:04:23,300
Some people say my smile is scary.
101
00:04:23,368 --> 00:04:24,902
(Laughs) That's crazy.
102
00:04:24,969 --> 00:04:26,069
- Let me see it.
- No.
103
00:04:26,137 --> 00:04:27,938
- Give me one.
- All right.
104
00:04:33,178 --> 00:04:34,578
We'll work on that, baby. (Kisses)
105
00:04:39,050 --> 00:04:41,652
Hey, could I get my blue
sweater back, please?
106
00:04:41,719 --> 00:04:43,086
Oh, really, I just borrowed that
107
00:04:43,154 --> 00:04:45,234
so you wouldn't wear it
again and embarrass yourself.
108
00:04:46,090 --> 00:04:49,326
Whoa. Could I borrow that skirt? (Laughs)
109
00:04:49,394 --> 00:04:51,495
(Stomps foot)
110
00:04:51,563 --> 00:04:53,330
What?
111
00:04:53,398 --> 00:04:56,099
(Huffs) You can both go straight to hell.
112
00:04:56,167 --> 00:04:57,768
Well, good morning, sunshine.
113
00:04:57,836 --> 00:05:00,037
(Laughing) What's with you?
114
00:05:00,104 --> 00:05:01,705
Uh, didn't you hear?
115
00:05:01,773 --> 00:05:03,607
I blew a kick last night
and cost us the game.
116
00:05:03,675 --> 00:05:04,975
Oh, yeah. I know, I know.
117
00:05:05,043 --> 00:05:07,077
It's... it's all they're
talking about in Gaza.
118
00:05:07,145 --> 00:05:09,179
(Inhales sharply) Wow.
119
00:05:09,247 --> 00:05:12,316
Evie, you are probably
feeling pretty down right now,
120
00:05:12,383 --> 00:05:15,219
and reading the old sports page isn't
gonna make you feel any better.
121
00:05:15,286 --> 00:05:17,521
So, allow me. (Clicks tongue)
122
00:05:17,589 --> 00:05:20,023
"The game was lost last night
123
00:05:20,091 --> 00:05:22,526
when Woodbridge's female
kicker, Eve Baxter ..."
124
00:05:22,594 --> 00:05:26,396
a-a-ah-ahem... moi!...
125
00:05:26,464 --> 00:05:29,733
missed a last-second field goal attempt.
126
00:05:29,801 --> 00:05:31,768
Oh! What? What a jerk!
127
00:05:31,836 --> 00:05:33,637
I can't believe he wrote it like that.
128
00:05:33,705 --> 00:05:35,472
"Female kicker missed."
129
00:05:35,540 --> 00:05:39,710
Why? I'm a female, I'm
a kicker, and I missed.
130
00:05:39,777 --> 00:05:41,411
That's actually solid reporting.
131
00:05:41,479 --> 00:05:44,715
But it's like this guy went out of his
way to emphasize that you're a woman.
132
00:05:44,782 --> 00:05:46,383
You loved that a few days ago.
133
00:05:46,451 --> 00:05:48,752
Yeah, that's because the
other article was positive.
134
00:05:48,820 --> 00:05:50,300
I mean, now he's making it sound like
135
00:05:50,355 --> 00:05:52,623
you only missed the kick
because you have ovaries.
136
00:05:52,690 --> 00:05:54,157
It is so sexist, okay?
137
00:05:54,225 --> 00:05:55,759
I feel like calling up this...
138
00:05:55,827 --> 00:05:58,262
Jennifer Thompson...
139
00:06:00,064 --> 00:06:02,199
And telling him a thing a thing or two.
140
00:06:02,267 --> 00:06:05,135
Ah, yes! Jennifer Thompson,
my new favorite author.
141
00:06:05,203 --> 00:06:06,703
(Giggles)
142
00:06:06,771 --> 00:06:10,240
Ooh, ooh! Read that part again where
perfect Eve isn't good at something.
143
00:06:10,308 --> 00:06:14,211
Oh, I swear, I think this only happened
because I forgot to wear my lucky socks.
144
00:06:14,279 --> 00:06:15,546
Okay, stop kicking her when she's down.
145
00:06:15,613 --> 00:06:17,915
Hey, at least my kicks are accurate.
146
00:06:17,982 --> 00:06:19,550
(Laughs)
147
00:06:19,617 --> 00:06:21,952
Oh! Maybe I should be the new lady kicker!
148
00:06:22,020 --> 00:06:23,387
Like, ooh!
149
00:06:23,454 --> 00:06:26,632
I'm not a lady kicker or a
female kicker, I'm just a kicker
150
00:06:26,663 --> 00:06:29,522
who hit the upright last
night and let everyone down.
151
00:06:29,659 --> 00:06:33,363
Hey, Eve, you're also our sister, okay?
152
00:06:33,431 --> 00:06:36,900
Who let everyone down. (Scoffs)
153
00:06:36,968 --> 00:06:38,068
(Laughs) Shh!
154
00:06:38,136 --> 00:06:39,436
This is fun!
155
00:06:39,504 --> 00:06:41,972
I can see why she likes doing it to me.
156
00:06:44,809 --> 00:06:46,944
There I am. Right there.
157
00:06:47,011 --> 00:06:48,812
My picture in a magazine.
158
00:06:48,880 --> 00:06:50,247
What's going on, ladies?
159
00:06:50,315 --> 00:06:52,983
What, the fall fashion
issue of "Vogue" come out?
160
00:06:53,051 --> 00:06:54,952
Don't be silly, Mr. Alzate.
161
00:06:55,019 --> 00:06:57,120
Everybody knows that
came out two months ago.
162
00:06:58,556 --> 00:07:00,190
What?
163
00:07:00,258 --> 00:07:02,993
I know because my
girlfriend is into fashion.
164
00:07:03,061 --> 00:07:05,629
And I know that because she
always borrows my "Vogue."
165
00:07:10,201 --> 00:07:12,736
- Hey, Mr. Alzate, check it out.
- Yeah?
166
00:07:12,804 --> 00:07:15,405
They dropped off an early edition
of the "Denver Business Weekly."
167
00:07:15,473 --> 00:07:16,573
Mr. B.'s on the cover.
168
00:07:16,641 --> 00:07:19,009
Well, will you look at that?
169
00:07:19,077 --> 00:07:22,045
"The inside world of Outdoor Man."
170
00:07:22,113 --> 00:07:24,615
Another stroke of marketing
genius from Mike, huh?
171
00:07:24,682 --> 00:07:26,016
- Yeah.
- Look at that.
172
00:07:26,084 --> 00:07:27,384
- And I made the article twice.
- Uh-huh.
173
00:07:27,452 --> 00:07:32,222
There's a part where an unnamed
"bumbling office worker" spills coffee.
174
00:07:32,290 --> 00:07:35,292
I'm that bumbler.
175
00:07:35,360 --> 00:07:37,441
Yeah, and this picture of Mr. B.
on page 16...
176
00:07:37,472 --> 00:07:37,991
Right.
177
00:07:38,029 --> 00:07:39,262
- That's my elbow.
- Huh.
178
00:07:39,330 --> 00:07:41,231
My elbow in a regional publication.
179
00:07:41,299 --> 00:07:42,532
(Laughs)
180
00:07:42,600 --> 00:07:46,336
You know, if they had a picture of your
ass, you'd be able to tell the two apart.
181
00:07:46,404 --> 00:07:48,205
(Chuckles)
182
00:07:48,272 --> 00:07:50,273
Hey, did you know that
the different sections
183
00:07:50,341 --> 00:07:53,210
in the store were inspired
by Mr. B.'s world travels?
184
00:07:53,277 --> 00:07:55,212
Yes, I know, that was... that was my idea.
185
00:07:55,279 --> 00:07:58,615
Are you sure? They don't
mention that in the article.
186
00:07:58,683 --> 00:08:00,317
No, they do not.
187
00:08:00,385 --> 00:08:01,985
Hey, guys.
188
00:08:02,053 --> 00:08:04,855
My buddy and I have a great
idea for the Columbus day vlog.
189
00:08:04,922 --> 00:08:09,693
Although, as you might imagine,
his ideas are a bit... flat.
190
00:08:09,761 --> 00:08:11,895
I'm just reading your... interview here.
191
00:08:11,963 --> 00:08:13,697
Sounds like you're full of great ideas.
192
00:08:13,765 --> 00:08:15,198
Haven't read it yet,
but, boy, I'll tell you,
193
00:08:15,266 --> 00:08:17,567
the guy on the cover
can't take a bad picture.
194
00:08:17,635 --> 00:08:19,569
Yeah, well, you know,
there's an elbow on page 16
195
00:08:19,637 --> 00:08:21,238
that can't take a bad picture, either.
196
00:08:22,807 --> 00:08:24,207
That's not even my good elbow.
197
00:08:25,777 --> 00:08:27,144
Nice job on the article.
198
00:08:27,211 --> 00:08:28,512
- Thanks, man.
- Yeah.
199
00:08:28,579 --> 00:08:30,747
I guess I can't complain
about free publicity, huh?
200
00:08:30,815 --> 00:08:33,050
But... Sounds like you're going to.
201
00:08:33,117 --> 00:08:37,054
Oh, no, come on. It's just that I've
accomplished so much in my life,
202
00:08:37,121 --> 00:08:39,089
I just don't get too excited about things.
203
00:08:39,157 --> 00:08:40,457
- Sure, you do.
- Mm?
204
00:08:40,525 --> 00:08:43,393
I've seen you when the McRib comes out.
205
00:08:43,461 --> 00:08:46,029
I'll tell you what
doesn't excite me too much.
206
00:08:46,097 --> 00:08:48,699
It's this... this whole
Columbus day boat sale thing.
207
00:08:48,766 --> 00:08:50,333
I just... frankly I-I don't get it.
208
00:08:50,401 --> 00:08:52,035
All right.
209
00:08:52,103 --> 00:08:54,171
- Uh... Columbus...
- Mm-hmm.
210
00:08:54,238 --> 00:08:56,540
- Came here on a boat.
- Yep.
211
00:08:56,607 --> 00:09:03,246
We sell boats, so we're using
Columbus' boat to sell our boats.
212
00:09:03,314 --> 00:09:04,581
Where did I lose you?
213
00:09:04,649 --> 00:09:06,616
It doesn't feel right.
214
00:09:06,684 --> 00:09:08,585
I think we should cancel Columbus day.
215
00:09:08,653 --> 00:09:10,053
Well, then you should have stopped him
216
00:09:10,121 --> 00:09:12,456
from coming over here
when you guys were kids.
217
00:09:12,523 --> 00:09:15,125
Kyle, could you get this thing out of here
218
00:09:15,193 --> 00:09:16,450
and get the other ones off
the sales floor, please?
219
00:09:16,481 --> 00:09:18,862
Ed, you haven't even heard about
the Columbus day vlog yet.
220
00:09:18,930 --> 00:09:21,264
Columbus was a huckster and a glory hog.
221
00:09:21,332 --> 00:09:23,366
Columbus went across
the Atlantic four times.
222
00:09:23,434 --> 00:09:25,202
That's three and a half
times more than the "Titanic,"
223
00:09:25,269 --> 00:09:27,571
which you were also on.
224
00:09:27,638 --> 00:09:29,172
I don't think you heard me, Mike.
225
00:09:29,240 --> 00:09:31,608
The promotion and vlog are off.
226
00:09:31,676 --> 00:09:32,909
You got to run this stuff by me, Ed.
227
00:09:32,977 --> 00:09:35,545
I don't have to run anything
by you. I'm the boss.
228
00:09:35,613 --> 00:09:36,913
We're partners.
229
00:09:36,981 --> 00:09:38,415
I brought you in.
230
00:09:38,483 --> 00:09:42,419
You brought me in to a bait and tackle shop
that I turned into 20 huge superstores.
231
00:09:42,487 --> 00:09:45,989
19 stores, Mike. Huh?
The first one was all me.
232
00:09:54,032 --> 00:09:55,712
You know, I don't know what genius came up
233
00:09:55,742 --> 00:09:58,076
with high school football on Friday nights.
234
00:09:58,144 --> 00:09:59,611
Yeah, well, thank goodness for the DVR.
235
00:09:59,679 --> 00:10:02,514
Friday night is the only
good night on television.
236
00:10:02,582 --> 00:10:04,486
You know it's gonna
be freezing out there?
237
00:10:04,517 --> 00:10:05,047
Mm-hmm.
238
00:10:05,084 --> 00:10:06,618
You and I might need to... (clicks tongue)
239
00:10:06,686 --> 00:10:07,919
Snuggle under a blanket.
240
00:10:10,723 --> 00:10:12,357
Well, you want to take a run at me,
241
00:10:12,425 --> 00:10:14,726
you better put a little
more Irish in that coffee.
242
00:10:14,794 --> 00:10:15,861
Hmm?
243
00:10:15,928 --> 00:10:17,929
Way ahead of you. (Sniffs)
244
00:10:17,997 --> 00:10:23,001
Ooh. I actually might need to add a
little coffee to this Irish. (Chuckles)
245
00:10:23,069 --> 00:10:25,604
You're sure engrossed in that article.
246
00:10:25,672 --> 00:10:27,439
Learning anything new about yourself?
247
00:10:27,507 --> 00:10:29,107
No, but I learned something about Ed.
248
00:10:29,175 --> 00:10:31,276
Aw. You know, it's not
like you two to fight.
249
00:10:31,344 --> 00:10:32,944
It's this article.
250
00:10:33,012 --> 00:10:34,780
I told the guy all about Ed
and how he started the company.
251
00:10:34,847 --> 00:10:36,181
There's nothing in here about Ed.
252
00:10:36,249 --> 00:10:38,216
Well, I'm sure Ed understands.
253
00:10:38,284 --> 00:10:39,964
Now he's got this pushy broad in his life.
254
00:10:40,019 --> 00:10:43,689
Uh, Ed likes to call her his girlfriend.
255
00:10:43,756 --> 00:10:45,924
Uh, whatever. I'm not into labels.
256
00:10:45,992 --> 00:10:47,693
(Sighs)
257
00:10:47,760 --> 00:10:49,928
Now she's whispering stuff in his ear.
258
00:10:49,996 --> 00:10:52,197
Well, not whispering.
He's really hard of hearing.
259
00:10:52,265 --> 00:10:53,632
Mike, you don't know that.
260
00:10:53,700 --> 00:10:55,534
I do. He's going deaf.
261
00:10:55,601 --> 00:10:58,970
I mean about Wendi.
262
00:10:59,038 --> 00:11:01,707
Wh... Ed and I have been
working together for 28 years.
263
00:11:01,774 --> 00:11:04,242
He's never been involved
in my promotions...
264
00:11:04,310 --> 00:11:06,244
Until Wendi started butting in.
265
00:11:06,312 --> 00:11:09,014
Is she butting in, or just
sticking up for her guy?
266
00:11:09,082 --> 00:11:11,783
You know, you'd be surprised about how
many times I've had to stick up for you.
267
00:11:11,851 --> 00:11:13,752
You're not as universally
liked as you think.
268
00:11:13,820 --> 00:11:18,757
I have a love letter from the "Denver
Business Weekly" that begs to differ.
269
00:11:18,825 --> 00:11:20,585
You know what? This
fight is not about Wendi.
270
00:11:20,626 --> 00:11:22,160
It's about your relationship with Ed.
271
00:11:22,228 --> 00:11:23,895
I don't have a "relationship" with Ed.
272
00:11:23,963 --> 00:11:25,030
We're partners.
273
00:11:25,098 --> 00:11:28,133
And not in the way that gay
people have wrecked that word.
274
00:11:28,201 --> 00:11:30,569
Honey, when two people have
been together for a long time,
275
00:11:30,636 --> 00:11:32,322
it's natural to harbor resentments.
276
00:11:32,353 --> 00:11:32,853
Hmm.
277
00:11:32,872 --> 00:11:35,107
It might be healthy for you to
get some things off your chest.
278
00:11:35,174 --> 00:11:36,808
Mm...
279
00:11:36,876 --> 00:11:38,143
I hate those curtains.
280
00:11:38,211 --> 00:11:40,245
Wha...
281
00:11:40,313 --> 00:11:41,279
Mm.
282
00:11:41,347 --> 00:11:42,514
I hate your sister.
283
00:11:42,582 --> 00:11:44,249
All right... (mutters)
284
00:11:44,317 --> 00:11:46,418
(Exhales) You know what? I do feel better.
285
00:11:46,486 --> 00:11:48,086
Oh, where are my socks?
286
00:11:48,154 --> 00:11:50,956
Oh, so you lost your socks
like you lost the game?
287
00:11:51,023 --> 00:11:52,023
What now?!
288
00:11:52,091 --> 00:11:53,625
You know what? I hate our children.
289
00:11:53,693 --> 00:11:55,494
Oh... (sighs)
290
00:11:55,561 --> 00:11:57,229
I need those socks!
291
00:11:57,296 --> 00:12:01,133
Hmm, if you kicked them off, they
could have ended up anywhere.
292
00:12:01,200 --> 00:12:04,803
Except where you were aiming. (Laughs) Oh!
293
00:12:04,871 --> 00:12:07,072
Knock it off. Eve caught
a bad break last Friday,
294
00:12:07,140 --> 00:12:08,640
and we're not gonna pile on about it.
295
00:12:08,708 --> 00:12:10,942
At least not while she's in the room.
296
00:12:11,010 --> 00:12:13,902
So I'm not allowed to pick
on Eve after 16 years of her
297
00:12:13,933 --> 00:12:16,669
taking wise-ass shots at me,
like, every single day?
298
00:12:16,805 --> 00:12:17,913
It wasn't every day.
299
00:12:17,950 --> 00:12:20,552
There was that whole week
she was at soccer camp.
300
00:12:20,620 --> 00:12:23,054
Look, I'm sorry if my
slams hurt your feelings,
301
00:12:23,122 --> 00:12:24,823
but this whole kicking thing
has really gotten me freaked,
302
00:12:24,891 --> 00:12:27,259
and I could use a little
support from my family right now.
303
00:12:27,326 --> 00:12:29,394
- Please.
- Fine.
304
00:12:29,462 --> 00:12:31,696
Way to take the fun out
of being mean to you.
305
00:12:31,764 --> 00:12:33,465
All right, I will go upstairs.
306
00:12:33,533 --> 00:12:35,094
I will look for your ugly orange socks.
307
00:12:35,101 --> 00:12:36,635
Thank you.
308
00:12:36,702 --> 00:12:41,406
And F.Y.I., that "lost game, lost
sock" diss was actually pretty solid.
309
00:12:41,474 --> 00:12:42,841
Thank you.
310
00:12:42,909 --> 00:12:44,543
It was a no-brainer.
311
00:12:44,610 --> 00:12:46,445
Like I am. Oh!
312
00:12:46,512 --> 00:12:48,914
I don't even need you anymore. (Laughs)
313
00:12:48,981 --> 00:12:50,248
Oh... (chuckles)
314
00:12:50,316 --> 00:12:51,817
Honey, why don't you
go look in the laundry?
315
00:12:51,884 --> 00:12:52,884
Okay.
316
00:12:54,420 --> 00:12:56,388
See what our girls just did?
317
00:12:56,456 --> 00:12:58,857
Women are really good
at resolving conflict.
318
00:12:58,925 --> 00:13:00,759
Because they cause most of 'em.
319
00:13:00,827 --> 00:13:03,695
You guys are like firemen
that turn out to be arsonists.
320
00:13:03,763 --> 00:13:07,165
Well, it might be healthy for you
and Ed to be more like them.
321
00:13:07,233 --> 00:13:11,102
Except when Ed loses his socks,
generally they're on his feet.
322
00:13:11,170 --> 00:13:14,406
Eve: Uh, mom?
323
00:13:14,474 --> 00:13:15,874
My name is Dad.
324
00:13:19,512 --> 00:13:21,880
- Oh! You found your socks.
- Yeah. Smell them.
325
00:13:21,948 --> 00:13:24,268
Oh, no, no, no. Your dad got
me with that one this morning.
326
00:13:25,651 --> 00:13:27,519
There's nothing to
smell. I can't believe it.
327
00:13:27,587 --> 00:13:29,287
Why would you wash my socks?
328
00:13:29,355 --> 00:13:32,524
I ask myself that question
every time I do laundry.
329
00:13:32,592 --> 00:13:35,560
Mom, these are my game
socks, my lucky socks,
330
00:13:35,628 --> 00:13:36,995
and you washed the mojo out of them.
331
00:13:37,063 --> 00:13:40,309
I just have to pray we never cross
midfield tonight so I don't have to kick.
332
00:13:40,340 --> 00:13:41,563
Seriously, honey?
333
00:13:41,601 --> 00:13:44,322
Come... what happened to the Eve
Baxter with ice water in her veins?
334
00:13:44,337 --> 00:13:45,837
(Scoffs) It's turned to ice.
335
00:13:45,905 --> 00:13:48,106
When I get out there to
kick now, I just freeze up.
336
00:13:48,174 --> 00:13:49,407
You wouldn't get it.
337
00:13:49,475 --> 00:13:51,309
Try me.
338
00:13:51,377 --> 00:13:53,612
There's all this pressure
already being the kicker,
339
00:13:53,679 --> 00:13:55,447
but now I'm the female kicker,
340
00:13:55,515 --> 00:13:58,216
and so if I miss, it's not
just the team or the school...
341
00:13:58,284 --> 00:13:59,885
I'm letting down all women.
342
00:13:59,952 --> 00:14:01,753
I don't want to be Rosa Parks.
343
00:14:01,821 --> 00:14:05,390
(Clicks tongue) Well, uh, Rosa Parks
didn't have your leg strength.
344
00:14:05,458 --> 00:14:08,093
That's why she's famous for sitting down.
345
00:14:08,160 --> 00:14:11,329
Look, honey, honey, I do. I understand.
346
00:14:11,397 --> 00:14:13,298
Hey, do you think it's easy for me
347
00:14:13,366 --> 00:14:16,635
in the fast-paced,
male-dominated field of geology?
348
00:14:16,702 --> 00:14:21,139
No! Every day I face the burden
of being a groundbreaker.
349
00:14:21,207 --> 00:14:23,508
You know, because I literally...
350
00:14:23,576 --> 00:14:26,244
Break... ground. (Sighs)
351
00:14:26,312 --> 00:14:28,413
Mom, I'm stressed enough. Your
puns might put me over the edge.
352
00:14:28,481 --> 00:14:29,842
Wait, wait, wait
...hey, honey...
353
00:14:29,849 --> 00:14:32,350
Look, you can't compare
your job to football.
354
00:14:32,418 --> 00:14:35,420
If you mess up, everyone's not
gonna read about it in the paper.
355
00:14:35,488 --> 00:14:39,724
No, no, if I mess up, environments
are destroyed and people could die.
356
00:14:39,792 --> 00:14:41,159
Huh? Talk about pressure?
357
00:14:41,227 --> 00:14:43,161
I didn't know your job
was so important... right.
358
00:14:43,229 --> 00:14:44,796
From the way dad talks about it.
359
00:14:44,864 --> 00:14:47,699
Oh, yeah, right, like he's got it so tough.
360
00:14:47,767 --> 00:14:49,801
If he screws up, a trout gets away.
361
00:14:49,869 --> 00:14:51,903
Look, honey... (huffs)
362
00:14:51,971 --> 00:14:54,639
My point is, you're not alone.
363
00:14:54,707 --> 00:14:58,944
Every woman has this burden
of representing all women.
364
00:14:59,011 --> 00:15:01,112
But you can't let that freeze you up.
365
00:15:01,180 --> 00:15:02,914
You know how to kick the ball.
366
00:15:02,982 --> 00:15:04,182
(Scoffs) Well, I did.
367
00:15:04,250 --> 00:15:05,450
You still do.
368
00:15:05,518 --> 00:15:09,788
Look, just get out of your head and
do what you always do. (Sighs)
369
00:15:09,855 --> 00:15:11,423
It's not the socks that are special.
370
00:15:11,490 --> 00:15:13,391
It's the girl who wears them.
371
00:15:13,459 --> 00:15:16,461
(Exhales sharply) You're right.
372
00:15:16,529 --> 00:15:19,064
I mean, I'm still me.
I've got that going for me.
373
00:15:19,131 --> 00:15:20,632
Exactly.
374
00:15:20,700 --> 00:15:24,502
Hey, and when it comes to
kicking, you have got a leg up.
375
00:15:24,570 --> 00:15:26,705
Mom, please.
376
00:15:26,772 --> 00:15:29,841
Okay. (Kisses) You'll do great tonight.
377
00:15:29,909 --> 00:15:31,743
Just put your best foot forward.
378
00:15:31,811 --> 00:15:33,912
All right. I'm out of
here. You made your point.
379
00:15:33,980 --> 00:15:35,580
(Laughs) Hey!
380
00:15:35,648 --> 00:15:37,682
It's you who needs to
make that extra point!
381
00:15:37,750 --> 00:15:39,884
Okay, I'm leaving now!
382
00:15:44,902 --> 00:15:48,771
(Chuckles) Look at you.
383
00:15:48,839 --> 00:15:54,811
Sitting there, making decisions,
affecting hundreds of people's lives.
384
00:15:54,878 --> 00:15:57,380
Oh... my man is a general.
385
00:15:57,448 --> 00:15:59,515
No, no, no, not a general, no.
386
00:15:59,583 --> 00:16:01,718
I'm just a guy who runs
an empire... (chuckles)
387
00:16:01,785 --> 00:16:04,721
So I'm really more... of an emperor.
388
00:16:04,788 --> 00:16:06,689
(Laughs)
389
00:16:06,757 --> 00:16:09,659
Babe. I see why your car
keeps getting bird poop on it.
390
00:16:09,727 --> 00:16:11,661
It's your parking space...
over there under that tree.
391
00:16:11,729 --> 00:16:13,129
Yeah, I like the shade.
392
00:16:13,197 --> 00:16:16,366
It just doesn't seem right that
the emperor gets pooped on.
393
00:16:16,433 --> 00:16:20,636
Trade spaces with Mike.
That should be Mike's poop.
394
00:16:20,704 --> 00:16:23,172
The parking spaces are fine, baby.
395
00:16:23,240 --> 00:16:25,975
I want to make sure that you're
getting the respect that you're due.
396
00:16:26,043 --> 00:16:30,380
I'm getting respect from everybody
but one incontinent pigeon.
397
00:16:30,447 --> 00:16:32,548
(Laughs)
398
00:16:32,616 --> 00:16:33,783
They know I'm the boss.
399
00:16:33,851 --> 00:16:35,084
I don't have to throw my weight around.
400
00:16:35,152 --> 00:16:38,554
As if that lean physique of yours
has any weight to spare.
401
00:16:38,622 --> 00:16:40,650
Yeah, I came down pretty
hard on Mike yesterday.
402
00:16:40,681 --> 00:16:41,187
Really?
403
00:16:41,225 --> 00:16:42,692
- Yeah.
- What happened?
404
00:16:42,760 --> 00:16:46,763
I got aggravated and I
canceled his Columbus day vlog.
405
00:16:46,830 --> 00:16:48,664
Maybe I should apologize, huh?
406
00:16:48,732 --> 00:16:50,733
Nah. I'll send him a box of steaks.
407
00:16:50,801 --> 00:16:51,882
He'll know what that means.
408
00:16:53,103 --> 00:16:54,404
Kyle, have you seen Mike?
409
00:16:54,471 --> 00:16:55,872
Yes, sir. He's down in boating.
410
00:16:55,939 --> 00:16:58,174
We're getting ready to start
shooting his Columbus day vlog.
411
00:16:58,242 --> 00:17:00,109
(Smacks lips)
412
00:17:00,177 --> 00:17:02,445
(Clears throat)
413
00:17:02,513 --> 00:17:06,315
Well, I guess there must be some
sort of miscommunication somewhere.
414
00:17:06,383 --> 00:17:10,686
Yeah! You said no vlog, and Mike heard,
"do whatever the hell you want."
415
00:17:10,754 --> 00:17:15,191
Seems like your car's not the only
thing getting pooped on around here.
416
00:17:15,259 --> 00:17:16,692
I'll straighten this thing out.
417
00:17:16,760 --> 00:17:19,128
Mm, can't wait to see my emperor in action.
418
00:17:19,196 --> 00:17:22,031
No, Wendi... No.
419
00:17:22,099 --> 00:17:24,967
I love you, but this
is between me and Mike.
420
00:17:25,035 --> 00:17:27,570
This is my business, not yours.
421
00:17:27,638 --> 00:17:29,705
Did you just say, "I love you"?
422
00:17:31,575 --> 00:17:33,576
Yes, I did.
423
00:17:35,813 --> 00:17:37,413
Be back in 30 minutes.
424
00:17:41,218 --> 00:17:42,785
Okay, you all set?
425
00:17:43,854 --> 00:17:45,922
Hey. Mike Baxter here for Outdoor Man.
426
00:17:45,989 --> 00:17:49,392
Today we're gonna talk about Columbus
day because we are having a sale.
427
00:17:49,460 --> 00:17:50,199
Why do we call it Colum...
428
00:17:50,230 --> 00:17:51,791
Okay, that's it. That's
it, that's it, that's it.
429
00:17:51,829 --> 00:17:53,796
We are pulling the
plug. That's it. Come on.
430
00:17:53,864 --> 00:17:55,898
You know, one day I'm gonna
walk into your hospital room
431
00:17:55,966 --> 00:17:58,301
and say that exact same thing.
432
00:17:58,368 --> 00:17:59,749
What's going on? I
thought we discussed this.
433
00:17:59,780 --> 00:18:00,500
I... all right...
434
00:18:00,537 --> 00:18:02,538
- I gave you a direct order.
- Right, and I disobeyed it, okay?
435
00:18:02,606 --> 00:18:04,240
Expect a box of steaks in the mail.
436
00:18:04,308 --> 00:18:06,175
Let me finish the vlog. You watch it.
437
00:18:06,243 --> 00:18:08,845
If you don't like it,
I'm not gonna post it.
438
00:18:08,912 --> 00:18:12,014
All right. I'm nothing if
not fair and reasonable.
439
00:18:12,082 --> 00:18:14,750
I knew a pigeon who might disagree.
440
00:18:14,818 --> 00:18:17,253
Wait... wait a minute.
How do I know you won't
441
00:18:17,321 --> 00:18:19,589
flip some switch and Google
this out over the Internet?
442
00:18:19,656 --> 00:18:23,860
Because you're gonna trust me,
and that's not how it works.
443
00:18:23,927 --> 00:18:26,496
All right. Okay, here we go.
444
00:18:26,563 --> 00:18:30,132
All right, background clear, and do it.
445
00:18:30,200 --> 00:18:32,068
Hey, Mike Baxter here for Outdoor Man.
446
00:18:32,135 --> 00:18:34,237
This Columbus day, you
can discover America,
447
00:18:34,304 --> 00:18:36,873
even though Columbus never actually did.
448
00:18:36,940 --> 00:18:39,775
In 1492, he may have sailed the ocean blue,
449
00:18:39,843 --> 00:18:43,646
but the dude missed North America
and found Hispaniola instead.
450
00:18:43,714 --> 00:18:46,415
And I don't mean the tapas
restaurant on 18th Street.
451
00:18:46,483 --> 00:18:48,618
That place is a real discovery.
452
00:18:48,685 --> 00:18:52,755
Why do we have a parade for
Columbus, the dude who got lost?
453
00:18:52,823 --> 00:18:55,157
Listen, I got lost in Ikea the other day.
454
00:18:55,225 --> 00:18:58,494
No parade. All I got was
a bookcase for 6 bucks.
455
00:18:58,562 --> 00:19:01,464
We should be celebrating Leif Erikson,
456
00:19:01,532 --> 00:19:05,768
the viking who landed in Nova
Scotia 400 years before Columbus.
457
00:19:05,836 --> 00:19:09,305
There hasn't been a viking this
underappreciated since Hagar the Horrible.
458
00:19:09,373 --> 00:19:11,974
I dare you to read that
comic strip and not laugh.
459
00:19:12,042 --> 00:19:15,811
The real discoverer of
Outdoor Man is Ed Alzate,
460
00:19:15,879 --> 00:19:19,515
Vietnam vet, sportsman, and
small business entrepreneur.
461
00:19:19,583 --> 00:19:21,083
Ed, come over here for a second. Come here.
462
00:19:21,151 --> 00:19:22,885
- Listen to this.
- What? What?
463
00:19:22,953 --> 00:19:27,723
This dude is our Leif Erikson, the guy who
blazed a trail but hardly ever gets credit.
464
00:19:27,791 --> 00:19:30,934
Without Ed, none of this would
be here, and I would be a guy
465
00:19:30,965 --> 00:19:34,158
that just made some other store
really famous and successful.
466
00:19:34,331 --> 00:19:37,733
In honor of our Leif Erikson, Ed
Alzate, the Columbus day sale is now
467
00:19:37,801 --> 00:19:39,735
"viking plunder and pillage sale,"
468
00:19:39,803 --> 00:19:42,104
so come on down and...
and bring your battle-ax,
469
00:19:42,172 --> 00:19:45,007
because we got lots of
gear for the wife, too.
470
00:19:45,075 --> 00:19:46,909
What do you say, pal? Your very own day.
471
00:19:46,977 --> 00:19:48,657
That's got to make you
...hold on a second.
472
00:19:48,679 --> 00:19:51,147
Brace yourselves. He's gonna smile.
473
00:20:01,304 --> 00:20:04,004
I hear Eve went three for three
at the game last night.
474
00:20:04,035 --> 00:20:05,335
Ah, it was a great game.
475
00:20:05,403 --> 00:20:07,070
She did it without her lucky socks.
476
00:20:07,138 --> 00:20:09,740
Thank God I had my lucky hat on.
477
00:20:09,807 --> 00:20:14,211
Yeah, well, I'm lucky I never
got hooked on superstition.
478
00:20:14,279 --> 00:20:16,213
- You know?
- Yep.
479
00:20:17,715 --> 00:20:20,884
That was nice what you
did today with the vlog.
480
00:20:20,952 --> 00:20:23,120
I'm a really great guy. It's
all there in the article.
481
00:20:24,622 --> 00:20:27,524
Listen, if we got problems
that we should talk about,
482
00:20:27,592 --> 00:20:29,293
let's not bottle 'em up from now on.
483
00:20:29,360 --> 00:20:30,561
I agree, I agree.
484
00:20:30,628 --> 00:20:33,330
It's always better to
pull out the cork, eh?
485
00:20:33,398 --> 00:20:35,232
(Chuckles) Yeah. (Laughs)
486
00:20:35,300 --> 00:20:36,100
There you go.
487
00:20:36,131 --> 00:20:40,370
So, anything else you, uh, you
want to get off your chest, huh?
488
00:20:41,906 --> 00:20:43,307
I hate those curtains.
489
00:20:43,374 --> 00:20:46,009
(Exhales) Yeah, I agree.
490
00:20:46,077 --> 00:20:47,177
(Laughs)
491
00:20:47,245 --> 00:20:48,645
- Yeah, there you go.
- I feel better.
492
00:20:48,713 --> 00:20:51,248
We should do this again in 25 years, huh?
493
00:20:51,316 --> 00:20:53,784
(Glasses clink) 25 years.
494
00:20:53,851 --> 00:20:55,485
Kinda wishful thinking on your part.
38955
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