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1
00:01:29,507 --> 00:01:30,883
Hey, Melodie.
2
00:01:31,134 --> 00:01:32,343
Hey.
3
00:01:32,427 --> 00:01:33,636
Um, look, I know
4
00:01:34,846 --> 00:01:37,265
we've known each other
for a really long time.
5
00:01:39,517 --> 00:01:41,728
And we live across the street
from each other and stuff.
6
00:01:41,853 --> 00:01:43,021
And...
7
00:01:44,856 --> 00:01:46,941
I know, like, in four days,
8
00:01:48,026 --> 00:01:49,694
I'm sure, if...
9
00:01:49,777 --> 00:01:51,029
You know, prom's,
like, in four days...
10
00:01:51,112 --> 00:01:52,155
Oh, my God.
11
00:01:52,238 --> 00:01:54,073
You're not asking
me to prom, are you?
12
00:01:59,996 --> 00:02:01,706
Fuck, no.
13
00:02:01,789 --> 00:02:03,666
No, I...
No, I just...
14
00:02:03,750 --> 00:02:06,127
You're probably
going with someone.
15
00:02:06,210 --> 00:02:07,253
I'm sorry.
16
00:02:07,337 --> 00:02:09,088
I don't know how
to put this nicely.
17
00:02:09,172 --> 00:02:10,632
There's not
a nice way to put it.
18
00:02:10,715 --> 00:02:12,175
You're a fucking nerd.
19
00:02:12,258 --> 00:02:15,053
And, you know... I don't know.
She's hot.
20
00:02:16,387 --> 00:02:18,056
Look at her.
Look at her.
21
00:02:18,181 --> 00:02:19,307
Look at her. Look at her.
Look at her.
22
00:02:19,390 --> 00:02:20,558
I'll see you later.
23
00:02:20,975 --> 00:02:22,894
Bye. JENKO: All right,
buddy, good talk.
24
00:02:22,977 --> 00:02:24,479
Dude, classic.
25
00:02:25,730 --> 00:02:27,565
Greg Jenko
to the principal's office.
26
00:02:27,649 --> 00:02:28,983
Greg Jenko to
the principal's office.
27
00:02:29,067 --> 00:02:30,777
Shit.
Good luck, bro.
28
00:02:31,110 --> 00:02:32,987
I said loud and clear,
29
00:02:33,071 --> 00:02:36,407
if you didn't get your grades up,
you weren't going to the prom.
30
00:02:36,866 --> 00:02:39,285
You, my friend, are
about to pay the piper.
31
00:02:39,911 --> 00:02:41,245
I should pay who?
32
00:02:41,329 --> 00:02:43,498
You're not going to the prom.
33
00:02:43,581 --> 00:02:45,833
Boy, you lucky
you even graduating.
34
00:02:47,335 --> 00:02:49,295
But I'm going to be prom king.
35
00:02:49,379 --> 00:02:51,339
I'm glad you had
a great time in school.
36
00:02:51,589 --> 00:02:54,050
'Cause you ain't
learned nothing.
37
00:03:13,861 --> 00:03:16,406
Fuck! Fuck!
38
00:03:28,668 --> 00:03:30,002
Welcome to the Police Academy.
39
00:03:30,086 --> 00:03:33,464
Make sure your form is completely
filled out, then move along.
40
00:03:36,342 --> 00:03:39,470
Not-so-slim Shady, what's up?
Holy shit!
41
00:03:44,058 --> 00:03:46,144
Jenko, Schmidt, you're up.
42
00:03:46,936 --> 00:03:47,937
Oh, fuck!
43
00:03:48,604 --> 00:03:49,564
Oh!
44
00:03:50,857 --> 00:03:51,983
You're good at this, huh?
45
00:03:52,066 --> 00:03:53,109
Yeah, I am.
46
00:03:53,192 --> 00:03:54,193
Thank you.
47
00:03:56,112 --> 00:03:57,947
Such bullshit.
48
00:04:01,200 --> 00:04:02,577
You're really good at this.
49
00:04:03,077 --> 00:04:04,620
Yeah, I am.
50
00:04:05,705 --> 00:04:07,206
Hey, you want to be friends?
51
00:04:10,835 --> 00:04:12,879
Come on.
Come on, let's go.
52
00:04:13,504 --> 00:04:15,715
Come on, pick your knees up.
Pick your knees up.
53
00:04:16,048 --> 00:04:18,801
I'm telling you right now,
it's not a felony.
54
00:04:18,885 --> 00:04:22,305
Chill, all right? Look, if it
has intent, it's a felony.
55
00:04:27,310 --> 00:04:29,187
What did I tell you? Come on,
let's go, let's go, let's go!
56
00:04:29,270 --> 00:04:31,189
Let's go, let's go, let's
go, let's go, let's go.
57
00:04:31,689 --> 00:04:32,815
Faster. Let's go.
58
00:04:37,153 --> 00:04:38,321
Clear!
59
00:04:39,864 --> 00:04:41,073
Clear!
60
00:04:41,199 --> 00:04:43,201
- Come on, come on, come on!
- Stop.
61
00:04:43,284 --> 00:04:44,827
Yes! Yes!
62
00:04:48,164 --> 00:04:50,291
Let me see.
Let me see.
63
00:04:52,376 --> 00:04:53,544
Nice.
64
00:04:55,588 --> 00:04:57,465
Ten-hut!
Ladies and gentlemen,
65
00:04:57,548 --> 00:05:01,302
I present to you the
graduates of Class 137.
66
00:05:01,385 --> 00:05:04,639
Get ready for a lifetime
of being badass motherfuckers.
67
00:05:04,722 --> 00:05:06,057
Oh, lam.
68
00:05:14,899 --> 00:05:16,484
I really thought
this job would have
69
00:05:16,567 --> 00:05:18,444
more car chases and explosions,
70
00:05:18,528 --> 00:05:20,655
and less homeless people
doo-dooing everywhere.
71
00:05:21,447 --> 00:05:23,032
Do you guys really
think this is a police matter?
72
00:05:23,115 --> 00:05:24,242
To get your Frisbee back?
73
00:05:25,952 --> 00:05:27,745
Get your own fucking Frisbee.
74
00:05:28,162 --> 00:05:29,413
Shit.
75
00:05:31,082 --> 00:05:32,542
Shit! Shit!
76
00:05:32,750 --> 00:05:35,002
Yours isn't loaded, right? Huh?
77
00:05:35,086 --> 00:05:37,213
We're supposed to unload
them first, right?
78
00:05:37,296 --> 00:05:38,673
What, you... No.
79
00:05:38,756 --> 00:05:40,341
That's no fun.
Come on.
80
00:05:40,424 --> 00:05:42,009
Sign says,
"Do not feed the ducks."
81
00:05:42,093 --> 00:05:43,261
It's right there.
82
00:05:43,344 --> 00:05:45,346
Don't you... Don't...
Don't. Stop it.
83
00:05:45,471 --> 00:05:48,432
Don't. You did it. You fed the ducks.
84
00:05:48,891 --> 00:05:50,309
You feel like a big shot?
85
00:05:51,227 --> 00:05:52,770
No fucking way.
86
00:05:53,563 --> 00:05:54,772
One Percenters?
87
00:05:55,523 --> 00:05:56,941
These guys are,
like, big-time drug dealers.
88
00:05:57,024 --> 00:05:59,026
If we could take them
down as our first bust,
89
00:05:59,110 --> 00:06:01,028
we'd be off park duty for sure.
90
00:06:01,612 --> 00:06:03,322
You see what I see?
91
00:06:03,406 --> 00:06:05,283
Cannabis sativa.
92
00:06:06,325 --> 00:06:07,535
Chaka Khan.
93
00:06:09,620 --> 00:06:10,746
Chaka Khan?
94
00:06:26,262 --> 00:06:29,432
Gentlemen. We having
a little party?
95
00:06:29,515 --> 00:06:31,893
Have we forgotten that the
use of marijuana is illegal?
96
00:06:32,059 --> 00:06:34,520
I have glaucoma.
97
00:06:34,604 --> 00:06:35,980
I get nervous in crowds.
98
00:06:36,063 --> 00:06:37,273
Herpes.
99
00:06:39,317 --> 00:06:41,444
Then you won't mind if I search
your bike, now, would you?
100
00:06:41,819 --> 00:06:43,905
Go ahead.
You won't find shit.
101
00:06:44,572 --> 00:06:45,573
Get up.
102
00:06:45,656 --> 00:06:46,782
Cálmate, gringo.
103
00:06:46,866 --> 00:06:51,412
Man, you guys even real cops? You
look like the kids on Halloween.
104
00:06:52,997 --> 00:06:56,042
If those boys is cops, I'm DEA.
105
00:06:56,417 --> 00:06:58,502
I know, right? I know.
106
00:06:58,669 --> 00:07:00,379
It's hilarious.
107
00:07:00,463 --> 00:07:01,923
So why don't you show
us a little respect?
108
00:07:02,006 --> 00:07:03,466
Fuck you, pig-
Hey.
109
00:07:03,925 --> 00:07:05,176
You want me to
beat your dick off?
110
00:07:05,259 --> 00:07:07,303
You want to beat my dick off?
111
00:07:07,386 --> 00:07:09,180
I'll beat your dick off with both hands.
What's up? Let's go.
112
00:07:09,305 --> 00:07:11,265
That's weird, man. SCHMIDT: I think
what he was trying to say was,
113
00:07:11,349 --> 00:07:13,935
he's going to punch you so many
times around the genital area
114
00:07:14,018 --> 00:07:16,145
that your dick's
just going to fall off.
115
00:07:16,228 --> 00:07:17,563
Why do you have salt in your...
116
00:07:17,647 --> 00:07:19,565
That's actual drugs.
Oh, my God.
117
00:07:19,649 --> 00:07:21,275
Get on the ground! Hey!
118
00:07:21,359 --> 00:07:22,985
- Come here now!
- What do I do?
119
00:07:23,069 --> 00:07:24,820
- Chase someone!
- Chase someone?
120
00:07:24,904 --> 00:07:27,698
Are you leaving your bike here?
121
00:07:27,823 --> 00:07:29,283
Okay. All right.
122
00:07:31,118 --> 00:07:32,995
Don't run from me! You're
making it worse for yourself!
123
00:07:33,079 --> 00:07:34,413
No! Get out of the way!
124
00:07:34,497 --> 00:07:35,748
Stop!
125
00:07:36,499 --> 00:07:40,044
I'm going to shoot you if you
don't slow down, man! Come on!
126
00:07:42,046 --> 00:07:43,589
Hey! Come here!
127
00:07:43,673 --> 00:07:46,175
I'm not playing any more!
I'm so not kidding!
128
00:07:46,258 --> 00:07:48,135
I got him.
I got him.
129
00:07:54,058 --> 00:07:55,434
Freeze! Freeze!
130
00:07:57,061 --> 00:07:58,646
Hands up or I shoot you!
Freeze!
131
00:07:58,896 --> 00:08:00,356
That's it! Come here!
132
00:08:05,736 --> 00:08:07,863
Freeze! Stop it!
133
00:08:10,616 --> 00:08:12,243
You're a pussy!
134
00:08:13,911 --> 00:08:15,538
You got the right to...
135
00:08:15,621 --> 00:08:18,124
Give me that!
You got the right to...
136
00:08:18,457 --> 00:08:20,543
...to suck my dick,
motherfucker!
137
00:08:20,876 --> 00:08:22,253
Oh, my elbow.
138
00:08:22,628 --> 00:08:24,255
You got nothing. How's my
dick feel in your ass, huh?
139
00:08:24,380 --> 00:08:26,257
Hey! Hey! How's it feel?
How's it feel now?
140
00:08:26,340 --> 00:08:28,968
That's right. Schmidt!
Schmidt, we got one!
141
00:08:29,093 --> 00:08:30,469
We got one!
I got him!
142
00:08:30,553 --> 00:08:33,222
Yes! Yes!
143
00:08:33,305 --> 00:08:34,890
Yeah!
We got an arrest!
144
00:08:34,974 --> 00:08:36,142
Yeah! We got him!
145
00:08:36,225 --> 00:08:37,309
Yes!
146
00:08:38,602 --> 00:08:40,896
Yeah! Fuck you! Yeah!
Fuck you! Yeah!
147
00:08:40,980 --> 00:08:42,023
What's up?
148
00:08:42,106 --> 00:08:48,487
Drop my nuts on your
motherfucking forehead!
149
00:08:48,571 --> 00:08:49,572
That's right.
150
00:08:49,655 --> 00:08:50,823
Fuck you, park!
151
00:08:50,906 --> 00:08:52,700
We arrest people now!
What up, park?
152
00:08:52,783 --> 00:08:54,076
What's up?
What's up?
153
00:08:54,160 --> 00:08:55,369
What up, park?
Who wants one?
154
00:09:01,917 --> 00:09:04,503
Congratulations on the bust, boys.
It sounds great.
155
00:09:04,587 --> 00:09:06,297
- Thank you, Cinnamon.
- Are those new?
156
00:09:06,547 --> 00:09:08,883
The department was forced
to drop the charges
157
00:09:08,966 --> 00:09:11,677
because you forgot to
read him his Miranda rights.
158
00:09:11,761 --> 00:09:16,057
What possible reason is there
for not doing the only thing
159
00:09:16,140 --> 00:09:18,309
you have to do when
arresting someone?
160
00:09:18,809 --> 00:09:22,313
I did read him his right...
I did a version of that.
161
00:09:22,480 --> 00:09:24,732
Do you even know
the Miranda rights?
162
00:09:24,815 --> 00:09:26,025
Yes.
163
00:09:26,108 --> 00:09:27,485
Let's hear them, then.
164
00:09:27,943 --> 00:09:29,612
You got a lot of stuff to do.
165
00:09:29,695 --> 00:09:31,655
No, go ahead.
You going anywhere, Schmidt?
166
00:09:31,739 --> 00:09:32,823
We got time.
167
00:09:32,948 --> 00:09:35,409
I had a thing, but I can
probably push it back.
168
00:09:35,493 --> 00:09:38,746
Go ahead. It's four declamatory
sentences, followed by a question,
169
00:09:38,829 --> 00:09:40,414
for a total of 57 words.
170
00:09:40,498 --> 00:09:43,334
Okay. Look,
it obviously starts with,
171
00:09:43,417 --> 00:09:44,752
"You have the right
to remain silent."
172
00:09:44,835 --> 00:09:47,838
I know you've heard
this before. And then,
173
00:09:47,922 --> 00:09:51,425
I think it
sounds something like...
174
00:09:51,509 --> 00:09:52,968
"You have
the right to an attorney."
175
00:09:53,052 --> 00:09:54,804
Well, the thing...
Yeah, right.
176
00:09:54,887 --> 00:09:57,473
"You have the right
to remain an attorney."
177
00:09:57,556 --> 00:10:00,601
Did you say that you have
the right to be an attorney?
178
00:10:00,684 --> 00:10:04,313
You do have the right to be
an attorney, if you want to.
179
00:10:04,396 --> 00:10:05,523
Where were you?
180
00:10:05,815 --> 00:10:09,110
I was chasing my perp, sir.
181
00:10:09,193 --> 00:10:11,028
And how did that go for you?
182
00:10:12,488 --> 00:10:13,697
Honestly, he did get away,
183
00:10:13,864 --> 00:10:15,616
and he threw me
down pretty hard.
184
00:10:15,699 --> 00:10:17,868
Actually fucked up
my elbow pretty bad.
185
00:10:17,952 --> 00:10:19,078
Can I see that?
186
00:10:19,161 --> 00:10:22,623
Yeah, actually, it hurts 'cause
the dirt gets mushed into it.
187
00:10:22,832 --> 00:10:23,958
Cw!
188
00:10:24,041 --> 00:10:25,167
Wow.
189
00:10:25,584 --> 00:10:26,836
Fortunately for you two,
190
00:10:26,919 --> 00:10:30,673
we're reviving a canceled undercover
police program from the '80s
191
00:10:30,756 --> 00:10:32,424
and revamping it
for modern times.
192
00:10:32,508 --> 00:10:33,801
You see, the guys in
charge of this stuff
193
00:10:33,884 --> 00:10:37,096
lack creativity and are
completely out of ideas,
194
00:10:37,221 --> 00:10:40,975
so all they do now
is recycle shit from the past
195
00:10:41,058 --> 00:10:42,893
and expect us
all not to notice.
196
00:10:43,018 --> 00:10:47,189
One of these programs
involves the use of young,
197
00:10:47,273 --> 00:10:48,983
immature-seeming officers.
198
00:10:49,066 --> 00:10:50,568
Sir, are you saying
199
00:10:50,651 --> 00:10:52,653
that you're going to
send us into, like,
200
00:10:52,736 --> 00:10:55,614
a child sex slavery
ring or something?
201
00:10:55,698 --> 00:10:59,285
Sir, if I have to suck
somebody's dick, I will.
202
00:11:00,452 --> 00:11:03,122
It's just...
I'd prefer not to.
203
00:11:03,455 --> 00:11:05,291
I think you idiots are perfect.
204
00:11:05,416 --> 00:11:06,834
You're officially transferred.
205
00:11:06,917 --> 00:11:08,460
All right. Yeah.
That's great.
206
00:11:08,544 --> 00:11:10,254
Where should we report to?
207
00:11:10,337 --> 00:11:11,964
Down on Jump Street.
208
00:11:12,047 --> 00:11:13,924
37 Jump Street.
209
00:11:14,925 --> 00:11:17,136
No, that doesn't sound right.
210
00:11:17,261 --> 00:11:18,429
Is it...
211
00:11:21,265 --> 00:11:23,225
This has got to be a joke.
212
00:11:23,642 --> 00:11:25,144
This is it.
213
00:11:32,359 --> 00:11:34,486
Aroma of Christ Church?
214
00:11:51,962 --> 00:11:53,505
How's it going?
215
00:11:56,967 --> 00:11:58,719
This place is weird.
216
00:12:09,313 --> 00:12:10,564
Everybody comfortable?
217
00:12:11,190 --> 00:12:12,316
Yeah.
218
00:12:14,860 --> 00:12:18,197
Get your motherfucking ass up
when I'm talking!
219
00:12:18,989 --> 00:12:22,493
You will be going undercover
as high school students.
220
00:12:22,952 --> 00:12:26,580
You are here simply
because you look young.
221
00:12:26,956 --> 00:12:28,666
You some Justin Beaver,
222
00:12:28,749 --> 00:12:31,585
Miley Cyrus-looking
motherfuckers.
223
00:12:31,710 --> 00:12:33,128
Captain Sassy.
224
00:12:33,420 --> 00:12:34,880
I know what you're thinking,
225
00:12:35,214 --> 00:12:37,591
"Angry Black Captain."
226
00:12:37,675 --> 00:12:40,261
It ain't nothing but
a stupid stereotype.
227
00:12:40,344 --> 00:12:42,721
Well, guess what,
motherfuckers.
228
00:12:42,805 --> 00:12:44,056
I'm black.
229
00:12:44,390 --> 00:12:47,226
And I worked my ass
off to be the captain!
230
00:12:49,728 --> 00:12:51,897
And sometimes I get angry.
231
00:12:51,981 --> 00:12:53,524
So suck a dick!
232
00:12:54,108 --> 00:12:55,776
What I'm trying to show you is,
233
00:12:55,901 --> 00:12:57,945
embrace your stereotypes.
234
00:12:59,113 --> 00:13:02,032
Like this guy right here.
Handsome.
235
00:13:02,199 --> 00:13:03,701
And he's probably a dummy.
236
00:13:04,910 --> 00:13:05,953
And then this guy.
237
00:13:06,412 --> 00:13:09,081
He's short and insecure.
238
00:13:09,164 --> 00:13:10,708
And he's probably
good with money.
239
00:13:10,791 --> 00:13:11,959
You are good with money.
240
00:13:12,042 --> 00:13:13,127
What the fuck?
241
00:13:13,210 --> 00:13:15,629
Didn't somebody tell you guys
this was an undercover unit?
242
00:13:15,963 --> 00:13:17,256
I don't...
I actually didn't...
243
00:13:17,339 --> 00:13:18,549
I didn't get
a letter or anything.
244
00:13:18,757 --> 00:13:19,967
Yeah, like, a start time...
245
00:13:20,050 --> 00:13:21,343
With a dress code or
anything like that.
246
00:13:21,427 --> 00:13:23,220
Teenage the fuck up!
247
00:13:25,347 --> 00:13:28,600
Rule number one at
Jump Street. Fugazy.
248
00:13:28,851 --> 00:13:30,352
Do not get expelled.
249
00:13:30,436 --> 00:13:33,480
Nobody in the system knows you're here.
All right? Nobody.
250
00:13:33,564 --> 00:13:35,149
You get kicked out of school,
251
00:13:35,232 --> 00:13:38,902
your monkey ass is getting
kicked out of Jump Street.
252
00:13:38,986 --> 00:13:40,738
Rule number two Burns.
253
00:13:41,572 --> 00:13:45,409
Do not have sexual relations
with students or teachers, sir.
254
00:13:45,743 --> 00:13:48,120
You hear that?
That's you.
255
00:13:48,370 --> 00:13:49,913
Don't do it, man.
Why...
256
00:13:49,997 --> 00:13:52,624
Keep that dirty dick in your pants.
Dirty?
257
00:13:52,708 --> 00:13:54,418
Don't fuck no students.
258
00:13:54,793 --> 00:13:56,086
Don't fuck no teachers.
259
00:13:56,420 --> 00:13:59,631
Sir, I know we come off
as a couple of lady-killers,
260
00:13:59,715 --> 00:14:02,885
but I promise you we will be
super professional on the job.
261
00:14:02,968 --> 00:14:05,429
Clearly, I wasn't
talking to you, Big Titties.
262
00:14:05,721 --> 00:14:07,765
You cherub-looking
motherfucker.
263
00:14:07,848 --> 00:14:10,184
I was talking to
your partner over here.
264
00:14:10,267 --> 00:14:12,227
Fake-ass Handsome McGee.
265
00:14:12,561 --> 00:14:14,271
When I'm talking to him,
I'm talking to him.
266
00:14:14,355 --> 00:14:15,522
When I say, "Shut the fuck up,"
267
00:14:15,606 --> 00:14:17,066
I'm talking to you.
Cool.
268
00:14:17,191 --> 00:14:19,026
Now, you two sons of bitches,
269
00:14:19,109 --> 00:14:20,694
in my office now.
270
00:14:20,778 --> 00:14:21,945
Right now!
271
00:14:22,654 --> 00:14:24,615
Hi. I am Billiam Willingham.
272
00:14:24,740 --> 00:14:26,283
So I bought these,
273
00:14:26,867 --> 00:14:29,620
which is all anybody seems
to be talking about right now.
274
00:14:30,245 --> 00:14:31,288
Cheers.
275
00:14:32,122 --> 00:14:33,665
It's a new synthetic drug.
276
00:14:33,749 --> 00:14:36,919
Goes by the street name H.F.S.
277
00:14:37,002 --> 00:14:38,962
Holy fucking shit.
278
00:14:39,380 --> 00:14:40,631
Holy...
279
00:14:40,714 --> 00:14:42,800
They put this on the Internet
for everybody to see?
280
00:14:42,883 --> 00:14:45,552
They're teenagers, man.
They're really stupid.
281
00:14:45,636 --> 00:14:47,471
So you should blend right in.
282
00:15:03,821 --> 00:15:05,280
Jessica, will you
go to prom with me?
283
00:15:05,364 --> 00:15:06,824
But I already know the answer.
It's yes.
284
00:15:19,711 --> 00:15:20,838
Whoo!
285
00:15:21,004 --> 00:15:22,714
I could watch this kid all day.
286
00:15:23,006 --> 00:15:24,383
Man, this kid rules.
287
00:15:24,550 --> 00:15:25,843
Ruled.
288
00:15:25,926 --> 00:15:29,179
His parents found him OD'd
in his room a few days ago.
289
00:15:29,263 --> 00:15:30,556
He's dead.
290
00:15:32,266 --> 00:15:35,185
Whatever he took, the lab
has never seen it before.
291
00:15:35,394 --> 00:15:38,355
And as you can see,
this kid is white.
292
00:15:38,480 --> 00:15:41,191
That means people
actually give a shit.
293
00:15:41,859 --> 00:15:43,277
Sir, I just want
to throw out to you
294
00:15:43,360 --> 00:15:45,237
that I would give
a shit if he was black.
295
00:15:48,115 --> 00:15:52,077
Right now, H.F.S. is contained
right there at Sagan High.
296
00:15:52,202 --> 00:15:56,457
Now, once this drug breaks containment,
it goes viral in a few days.
297
00:15:56,623 --> 00:16:00,252
Jenko, I looked at
your old transcript.
298
00:16:00,711 --> 00:16:03,297
I enrolled you in
a bunch of bullshit courses
299
00:16:03,380 --> 00:16:05,424
like photography and drama.
300
00:16:05,507 --> 00:16:07,926
Get in with the burnouts
and the cool kids.
301
00:16:08,010 --> 00:16:09,761
Find out who's
slinging this shit.
302
00:16:09,845 --> 00:16:12,097
Schmidt, says you were a virgin
303
00:16:12,181 --> 00:16:13,724
through high school.
It says that?
304
00:16:13,974 --> 00:16:15,559
No. I just assumed it,
305
00:16:15,642 --> 00:16:18,145
due to your many
years on the honor roll
306
00:16:18,228 --> 00:16:20,939
and your membership
to the juggling squad.
307
00:16:21,315 --> 00:16:24,359
It's the Juggling Society,
but it's fine. It's fine.
308
00:16:24,443 --> 00:16:26,820
They're stealing equipment
from the chemistry lab.
309
00:16:26,904 --> 00:16:29,031
That's what we think
they're cooking the dope with.
310
00:16:29,156 --> 00:16:31,658
I enrolled you into
honors chemistry.
311
00:16:31,742 --> 00:16:34,703
Here's your new identities,
all right?
312
00:16:34,786 --> 00:16:36,622
Brad and Doug McQuaid.
313
00:16:37,122 --> 00:16:38,499
The mission is this.
314
00:16:38,582 --> 00:16:41,001
Infiltrate the dealers,
find the supplier.
315
00:16:41,084 --> 00:16:42,920
We get to be brothers?
316
00:16:43,003 --> 00:16:46,089
Infiltrate the dealers,
find the supplier.
317
00:16:46,173 --> 00:16:47,341
But if we find
the supplier first,
318
00:16:47,424 --> 00:16:48,800
we don't have to
worry about the dealers.
319
00:16:48,884 --> 00:16:51,637
God damn. Infiltrate the
dealers, find the supplier.
320
00:17:08,028 --> 00:17:09,696
Hey, Korean Jesus.
321
00:17:10,489 --> 00:17:14,451
I don't know if you only cater
to Korean Christians
322
00:17:14,576 --> 00:17:18,705
or if you even exist.
No offense.
323
00:17:21,792 --> 00:17:23,210
I just...
324
00:17:25,045 --> 00:17:28,006
I'm really freaked out about
going back to high school.
325
00:17:31,385 --> 00:17:32,594
It was just
326
00:17:32,678 --> 00:17:34,471
so fucking hard the first time.
327
00:17:36,098 --> 00:17:40,477
I know we haven't made our first
arrest, or maybe I'm not the best cop.
328
00:17:41,520 --> 00:17:44,147
Korean Jesus, I just really
don't want to fuck this up.
329
00:17:44,523 --> 00:17:46,817
I'm sorry for swearing so much.
330
00:17:48,277 --> 00:17:49,486
The end?
331
00:17:50,320 --> 00:17:52,948
I don't really know how
to end a prayer. The end?
332
00:17:53,031 --> 00:17:54,199
Yeah.
333
00:17:59,746 --> 00:18:00,872
Hey! Hey!
334
00:18:01,290 --> 00:18:03,333
Stop fucking with Korean Jesus!
335
00:18:03,458 --> 00:18:05,836
He ain't got time for
your problems. He busy!
336
00:18:06,044 --> 00:18:07,462
With Korean shit.
337
00:18:07,546 --> 00:18:08,922
You two get to
your mama house ASAP.
338
00:18:09,006 --> 00:18:10,048
What?
339
00:18:10,465 --> 00:18:12,801
You're teenagers now,
all right?
340
00:18:12,884 --> 00:18:15,095
You two are staying
at Schmidt's parents' house
341
00:18:15,178 --> 00:18:16,888
for the duration
of this assignment.
342
00:18:16,972 --> 00:18:18,348
Oh, fuck me.
343
00:18:18,932 --> 00:18:20,601
This house is adorable.
344
00:18:22,102 --> 00:18:23,729
My baby's home!
Come here.
345
00:18:23,854 --> 00:18:27,274
You will always be my infant angel baby child.
There's my guy.
346
00:18:27,357 --> 00:18:28,984
It's great to see you guys.
347
00:18:29,026 --> 00:18:32,404
Hey. Schmidt family!
Up top, Papa Schmidt.
348
00:18:32,487 --> 00:18:34,615
Oh, my God. Mama Schmidt, did
you do all this yourself?
349
00:18:34,698 --> 00:18:35,741
This is unbelievable.
350
00:18:35,824 --> 00:18:36,825
Well, yeah.
351
00:18:36,908 --> 00:18:37,993
I guess I did.
352
00:18:38,076 --> 00:18:39,119
It's gorgeous!
353
00:18:39,202 --> 00:18:40,704
So are you.
354
00:18:40,954 --> 00:18:42,539
Honey, listen,
I want to tell you,
355
00:18:42,664 --> 00:18:44,249
we did blow up the air
mattress in your room
356
00:18:44,333 --> 00:18:45,542
'cause we're kind of using
that as a workout area,
357
00:18:45,667 --> 00:18:47,294
so I hope you don't
mind the elliptical.
358
00:18:47,544 --> 00:18:50,088
No, no! Jenko, Jenko, oh,
my God, please. No, no.
359
00:18:50,172 --> 00:18:52,049
Don't touch that. We just
brought it back from Sedona.
360
00:18:52,132 --> 00:18:54,635
Guys, can we get rid
of this stuff?
361
00:18:54,718 --> 00:18:56,178
I mean, it looks like
I died in a car crash
362
00:18:56,261 --> 00:18:57,346
and you guys haven't moved on.
363
00:18:57,429 --> 00:18:58,472
Rid of it?
364
00:18:58,555 --> 00:19:01,099
If we take it down, we have
to stop bragging about you.
365
00:19:01,183 --> 00:19:03,435
I look like Fred Savage
from The Wonder Years,
366
00:19:03,602 --> 00:19:06,355
but completely naked, wearing
Indian friendship bracelets.
367
00:19:06,480 --> 00:19:08,482
That is a great picture, Morton.
Mmm-hmm.
368
00:19:08,565 --> 00:19:09,900
You look like a young Jay Leno.
369
00:19:09,983 --> 00:19:12,569
Am I even wearing underwear
in this picture?
370
00:19:12,653 --> 00:19:13,695
Umm...
371
00:19:13,904 --> 00:19:14,988
No.
372
00:19:15,072 --> 00:19:16,782
I remember.
You know why?
373
00:19:16,865 --> 00:19:18,825
Because I've told it to a
therapist about 8,000 times.
374
00:19:19,993 --> 00:19:21,953
I mean, this is a fourth grade
375
00:19:22,037 --> 00:19:24,081
participation medal for soccer.
376
00:19:24,164 --> 00:19:25,749
It's literally
a medal for sucking.
377
00:19:25,791 --> 00:19:27,709
No, that is a medal for trying.
Yes.
378
00:19:27,793 --> 00:19:31,546
Let me tell you something. This
guy was always a great tryer.
379
00:19:32,756 --> 00:19:34,883
That must be Phyllis.
She is just dying to see you.
380
00:19:34,966 --> 00:19:36,802
What? Mom, you told
Phyllis I was here?
381
00:19:36,885 --> 00:19:38,011
She's going to tell
the whole neighborhood.
382
00:19:38,095 --> 00:19:41,098
I told you, it's an undercover assignment.
It's super secretive.
383
00:19:41,264 --> 00:19:43,475
"Undercover."
That's so cute.
384
00:19:43,725 --> 00:19:46,019
I'm going upstairs.
385
00:19:46,103 --> 00:19:47,187
Okay, honey.
I want you to know
386
00:19:47,312 --> 00:19:48,730
we are so glad you're here.
Okay.
387
00:19:48,814 --> 00:19:50,774
That's great.
Thank you.
388
00:19:50,857 --> 00:19:51,942
All right.
Where is he?
389
00:19:52,025 --> 00:19:53,110
He's upstairs.
390
00:19:53,193 --> 00:19:54,486
He just needs to
take a little rest,
391
00:19:54,569 --> 00:19:55,987
and then he's
dying to see you, too.
392
00:19:56,071 --> 00:19:57,072
Bye-bye.
393
00:19:57,155 --> 00:19:58,365
I baked muffins!
394
00:19:58,740 --> 00:20:00,826
If you don't know your
identity, we're screwed tomorrow.
395
00:20:00,951 --> 00:20:02,202
You got to study this stuff.
396
00:20:02,285 --> 00:20:04,037
Forget those identities.
They're bullshit.
397
00:20:04,121 --> 00:20:05,163
They said I was
held back a year.
398
00:20:05,247 --> 00:20:06,957
You were. You were
held back two years.
399
00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:08,375
Just 'cause it's
a fake backstory
400
00:20:08,458 --> 00:20:10,127
doesn't mean it
doesn't hurt my feelings.
401
00:20:10,210 --> 00:20:12,462
Fuck! Socks don't match.
402
00:20:12,546 --> 00:20:13,964
I got to start all over.
403
00:20:14,297 --> 00:20:16,133
It's the first day of school, dude.
I got to look awesome.
404
00:20:16,842 --> 00:20:18,969
You know, back in the
day, you were super popular,
405
00:20:19,052 --> 00:20:21,763
and I wasn't as much.
406
00:20:22,973 --> 00:20:25,350
We didn't really get
along in high school.
407
00:20:26,560 --> 00:20:28,478
You don't think that's going
to happen again, do you?
408
00:20:28,812 --> 00:20:32,524
No. Come on, man. We're adults now.
We're best buds.
409
00:20:32,607 --> 00:20:33,984
It's definitely not
going to happen again.
410
00:20:34,067 --> 00:20:35,652
We're good.
Cool.
411
00:20:42,576 --> 00:20:44,661
Beautiful day out there, boys.
412
00:20:45,454 --> 00:20:46,872
Just shut up.
413
00:20:47,664 --> 00:20:50,709
"Anything you say can and will
be used against you in a court of law."
414
00:20:50,792 --> 00:20:52,002
"You have the right
to an attorney."
415
00:20:52,085 --> 00:20:55,130
"If you cannot afford an attorney,
one will be appointed..."
416
00:20:55,213 --> 00:20:58,592
Dude, do you still not know the
Miranda rights? You're a cop.
417
00:20:58,675 --> 00:21:02,679
Come on, man. They always cutaway
on TV before they finish them.
418
00:21:05,599 --> 00:21:07,058
All right, let's do it.
419
00:21:07,225 --> 00:21:08,935
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
What?
420
00:21:09,019 --> 00:21:09,978
What are you doing?
421
00:21:10,103 --> 00:21:12,022
What? What are you talking about?
Are you two-strapping?
422
00:21:13,482 --> 00:21:14,608
My backpack? Yeah.
423
00:21:14,691 --> 00:21:15,734
Yeah, I got to be
seen with you.
424
00:21:16,067 --> 00:21:17,611
You got to one-strap it.
425
00:21:17,694 --> 00:21:20,280
Seriously, I would no-strap it
if that would even be possible.
426
00:21:20,363 --> 00:21:21,740
Okay, what makes you the expert?
427
00:21:21,823 --> 00:21:24,159
I was cool in high school,
and you weren't.
428
00:21:24,534 --> 00:21:26,203
Okay, that makes sense.
Continue.
429
00:21:27,204 --> 00:21:31,792
The Three Keys of Coolness
in High School, by Jenko.
430
00:21:31,875 --> 00:21:35,253
One, don't try hard at anything.
431
00:21:35,337 --> 00:21:38,632
Okay? Two, make fun
of people who do try.
432
00:21:38,715 --> 00:21:40,634
Three, be handsome.
433
00:21:40,717 --> 00:21:42,969
Four, if anyone steps to you
on the first day of school,
434
00:21:43,053 --> 00:21:45,096
you punch them
directly in the face.
435
00:21:45,180 --> 00:21:47,557
Five, drive a kick-ass car.
436
00:21:48,725 --> 00:21:49,893
Shit.
437
00:21:54,481 --> 00:21:56,358
All right, but just don't be
driving it like teenagers,
438
00:21:56,441 --> 00:21:59,277
revving up the engine
and shit, okay?
439
00:21:59,361 --> 00:22:00,904
We would never.
440
00:22:01,446 --> 00:22:03,240
Come on, Hoffs.
Give us a little credit.
441
00:22:05,992 --> 00:22:07,744
Hey, you ready?
Go!
442
00:22:15,085 --> 00:22:17,254
That was awesome!
That was amazing.
443
00:22:17,462 --> 00:22:19,422
Was I flying?
That was amazing.
444
00:22:19,506 --> 00:22:20,799
All right, do mine, do mine.
445
00:22:20,882 --> 00:22:22,092
Okay, ready?
Here I go.
446
00:22:22,217 --> 00:22:23,426
Yeah, yeah.
447
00:22:29,599 --> 00:22:31,101
You Okay?
448
00:22:32,143 --> 00:22:33,937
I think I shit my pants.
449
00:22:41,528 --> 00:22:42,612
Hey, park in
that handicapped spot.
450
00:22:42,696 --> 00:22:43,864
It'll make us look cool.
451
00:22:43,947 --> 00:22:45,490
That's awesome.
452
00:23:00,797 --> 00:23:01,965
Dude?
453
00:23:02,048 --> 00:23:03,425
Everybody's
two-strapping it.
454
00:23:03,550 --> 00:23:04,926
Just stay with
the one-strap.
455
00:23:05,260 --> 00:23:06,887
I can't. I can't.
I can't right now.
456
00:23:06,970 --> 00:23:08,471
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
457
00:23:08,555 --> 00:23:09,598
Don't succumb to
the peer pressure.
458
00:23:09,639 --> 00:23:11,224
What are you doing? You're
supposed to use two straps.
459
00:23:11,308 --> 00:23:12,517
One strap is peer pressure.
460
00:23:12,601 --> 00:23:13,894
No. No. You're fucking
up right now.
461
00:23:14,185 --> 00:23:15,937
Okay, those are Goths.
462
00:23:17,522 --> 00:23:19,900
Those are nerds.
463
00:23:20,984 --> 00:23:22,444
I don't know what they are.
464
00:23:24,154 --> 00:23:26,698
What the fuck are those things?
465
00:23:26,781 --> 00:23:28,158
I'm so confused right now.
466
00:23:35,832 --> 00:23:36,833
Whoa.
467
00:23:39,044 --> 00:23:40,086
Hi.
468
00:23:40,170 --> 00:23:41,129
Hey.
469
00:23:41,212 --> 00:23:42,964
Hey.
Good morning.
470
00:23:44,174 --> 00:23:46,426
Hey, yo. Hey.
471
00:23:47,844 --> 00:23:49,554
Is that your car?
Yeah.
472
00:23:49,638 --> 00:23:51,222
What's that thing get,
10 miles to the gallon?
473
00:23:51,306 --> 00:23:53,058
No, try, like, seven.
474
00:23:53,683 --> 00:23:56,061
What about you?
Biodiesel, dawg.
475
00:23:56,269 --> 00:23:57,520
Smells like egg rolls.
476
00:23:57,604 --> 00:23:58,605
Yeah, it does.
477
00:23:58,688 --> 00:24:01,399
Runs on leftover fry oil
from Hunan Palace.
478
00:24:01,483 --> 00:24:02,943
But we try to
ride bikes when we can.
479
00:24:03,026 --> 00:24:04,694
Global crisis and whatnot.
480
00:24:05,195 --> 00:24:06,237
Whatever, man.
481
00:24:06,321 --> 00:24:07,656
I don't care about anything.
482
00:24:07,739 --> 00:24:09,157
You don't care
about the environment?
483
00:24:09,240 --> 00:24:10,450
That's kind of fucked up, man.
484
00:24:10,533 --> 00:24:12,118
Hey, hey,
will y'all shut the hell up?
485
00:24:12,202 --> 00:24:13,328
I'm trying to study.
Thanks.
486
00:24:14,537 --> 00:24:17,582
Look at him. He's trying.
487
00:24:17,791 --> 00:24:19,501
He's actually trying.
What a nerd.
488
00:24:19,584 --> 00:24:21,461
Look at the nerd.
Look at the nerd.
489
00:24:21,544 --> 00:24:22,712
Look at him.
Look at the nerd.
490
00:24:22,796 --> 00:24:23,797
Who you calling a nerd, man?
491
00:24:23,880 --> 00:24:25,215
I'm sorry. What...
492
00:24:26,383 --> 00:24:27,968
Shit!
Shit, dude.
493
00:24:28,051 --> 00:24:30,136
Are you okay, man? Hey, what the hell?
Are you serious?
494
00:24:30,220 --> 00:24:31,888
Well, turn that
gay-ass music off.
495
00:24:31,972 --> 00:24:33,848
You punched me because I'm gay?
What?
496
00:24:34,057 --> 00:24:36,643
No. Oh, Come on.
497
00:24:36,726 --> 00:24:37,894
That's not cool, man.
498
00:24:37,978 --> 00:24:39,187
That is really insensitive.
499
00:24:39,270 --> 00:24:40,605
I didn't punch him
because he's gay.
500
00:24:40,689 --> 00:24:42,107
I punched him,
501
00:24:42,190 --> 00:24:44,818
and then he happened to turn
out to be gay afterwards.
502
00:24:44,901 --> 00:24:45,860
I was gay when you punched me!
503
00:24:45,944 --> 00:24:46,945
In a weird way,
504
00:24:47,028 --> 00:24:49,364
it might have been
homophobic not to punch you
505
00:24:49,447 --> 00:24:51,282
just because you were gay.
Right.
506
00:24:51,366 --> 00:24:53,368
You punched a little gay
black kid in the face,
507
00:24:53,451 --> 00:24:55,787
and it's not even second period.
How do you explain that?
508
00:24:56,079 --> 00:24:58,581
Mr. Dadier, I'm so sorry about that.
I just...
509
00:24:58,665 --> 00:25:00,208
Look, guys, I'm going
to relate to you, okay?
510
00:25:00,417 --> 00:25:03,044
A kid died the other
day from drugs,
511
00:25:03,128 --> 00:25:06,464
and nobody, including me,
is doing anything about it.
512
00:25:07,257 --> 00:25:08,967
That's weird, guys.
513
00:25:09,551 --> 00:25:12,053
And then you two show up,
with 30 days left,
514
00:25:12,137 --> 00:25:14,347
causing trouble in my school.
515
00:25:14,431 --> 00:25:17,267
I am one more black gay kid
getting punched in the face
516
00:25:17,350 --> 00:25:19,019
away from a nervous breakdown.
517
00:25:19,102 --> 00:25:20,770
Do I make myself clear?
518
00:25:20,854 --> 00:25:22,105
You guys cross my line again,
519
00:25:22,272 --> 00:25:25,150
and you walk into this office,
I'm going to expel you.
520
00:25:25,525 --> 00:25:26,693
You got me?
521
00:25:26,776 --> 00:25:30,113
All right, let's do this.
Which one of you is Doug?
522
00:25:31,698 --> 00:25:33,616
Let's do that again and pretend
you guys aren't weird.
523
00:25:33,825 --> 00:25:36,119
Which one of you is named Doug?
524
00:25:36,411 --> 00:25:38,288
No, dude, I'm Brad.
Okay, good.
525
00:25:38,413 --> 00:25:40,582
So that means your
name is Doug, son.
526
00:25:40,665 --> 00:25:42,167
Yeah, I'm Doug.
Great.
527
00:25:42,292 --> 00:25:43,585
Here are your class schedules.
528
00:25:43,668 --> 00:25:46,296
Funny, I wouldn't have taken
you for the brainy type.
529
00:25:46,379 --> 00:25:49,090
I wouldn't. But you as a drama
geek, far less surprising.
530
00:25:49,174 --> 00:25:50,550
Thank you.
531
00:25:50,633 --> 00:25:52,260
Now we have the wrong
identities, you dumb-ass.
532
00:25:52,343 --> 00:25:54,095
I'm in drama.
I suck at drama.
533
00:25:54,179 --> 00:25:55,472
It's girly and embarrassing.
534
00:25:55,555 --> 00:25:57,974
Oh, my God. Relax, dude.
Who cares?
535
00:25:58,099 --> 00:25:59,726
I can fake my way
through band practice
536
00:25:59,809 --> 00:26:01,352
and app chemistry
for a few weeks.
537
00:26:01,436 --> 00:26:04,731
AP Chemistry. AP Chemistry.
And, no, you can't,
538
00:26:04,814 --> 00:26:06,733
because you don't even know what
it's actually fucking called!
539
00:26:07,150 --> 00:26:08,401
It's going to be fine.
540
00:26:08,485 --> 00:26:10,445
You go to my classes,
and I'm going to go to yours.
541
00:26:10,528 --> 00:26:11,529
Okay, now, chemistry's
the one with
542
00:26:11,613 --> 00:26:12,614
the shapes and shit, right?
543
00:26:13,031 --> 00:26:14,032
Fuck.
544
00:26:14,532 --> 00:26:18,787
So, we are going to hold auditions
for the Peter Pan part today.
545
00:26:19,704 --> 00:26:23,166
Billiam would've
wanted the show to go on.
546
00:26:23,708 --> 00:26:27,295
When I was a young actor just
starting out in New York state,
547
00:26:27,378 --> 00:26:28,797
Albany, to be exact,
548
00:26:28,880 --> 00:26:29,964
I booked a local
television commercial...
549
00:26:30,048 --> 00:26:31,091
Hey.
550
00:26:31,174 --> 00:26:33,176
...In which I had to
play a young man...
551
00:26:33,259 --> 00:26:36,179
It's really sad about
that kid. He was talented.
552
00:26:36,429 --> 00:26:40,266
So are you saying if he wasn't
talented, it would be less sad?
553
00:26:40,683 --> 00:26:43,895
No. No, no, no,
that's not what I meant.
554
00:26:45,230 --> 00:26:47,357
I was just busting your balls.
555
00:26:49,359 --> 00:26:51,361
Okay. Good.
556
00:26:52,904 --> 00:26:56,616
I remember, one time, doing cocaine
with Willie Nelson's horse,
557
00:26:58,368 --> 00:27:00,370
and we were having so much fun.
558
00:27:00,453 --> 00:27:03,665
And then I realized
that she was dead.
559
00:27:05,667 --> 00:27:06,793
I remember one summer...
560
00:27:06,960 --> 00:27:08,878
Do kids still do this stuff?
561
00:27:09,003 --> 00:27:10,755
Even after what
happened to him?
562
00:27:11,673 --> 00:27:14,342
Everyone's saying that
Billiam had a heart murmur.
563
00:27:14,425 --> 00:27:16,052
Pretty much
everyone I know does it,
564
00:27:16,136 --> 00:27:17,512
but it's not my thing.
565
00:27:17,887 --> 00:27:19,889
It's not really
my thing, either,
566
00:27:19,973 --> 00:27:22,767
but a buddy of mine
really wants it.
567
00:27:22,851 --> 00:27:25,770
Who would he call
if he wanted it?
568
00:27:25,854 --> 00:27:27,981
Well, you can tell your friend
569
00:27:28,064 --> 00:27:30,400
that if he really wanted it,
570
00:27:30,483 --> 00:27:32,485
it's not so hard to find.
571
00:27:32,569 --> 00:27:34,988
When to take it. He
shouldn't have been taking it at all.
572
00:27:35,071 --> 00:27:36,906
Drugs are bad.
573
00:27:37,407 --> 00:27:41,161
But they can have their place in
the life of a professional actor.
574
00:27:41,244 --> 00:27:43,204
Thank you.
Oh, you're welcome.
575
00:27:43,288 --> 00:27:45,248
Notice the distinction.
I said "professional actor."
576
00:27:49,919 --> 00:27:52,755
New person.
Mr. Texty Texty.
577
00:27:52,839 --> 00:27:55,717
Since you have so
much to say to Molly,
578
00:27:55,842 --> 00:27:58,261
let's see if you can
be Peter to our Wendy.
579
00:27:58,344 --> 00:28:01,222
You look like you might have
a little Peter inside of you.
580
00:28:01,764 --> 00:28:05,810
Uh, I can't. I'm fine just
being a tree or something.
581
00:28:05,935 --> 00:28:08,021
Doug, you never won't know
582
00:28:08,104 --> 00:28:11,608
what you can't achieve
before you don't achieve it.
583
00:28:11,691 --> 00:28:12,817
My point is,
584
00:28:12,901 --> 00:28:15,695
you have to. Everyone
auditions for Peter.
585
00:28:17,030 --> 00:28:18,615
Yeah, sure.
586
00:28:19,073 --> 00:28:20,742
My favorite molecule is water.
587
00:28:20,825 --> 00:28:23,119
I'd marry it, unless
it was my daughter.
588
00:28:23,411 --> 00:28:25,246
Its solid form
floats on its liquid form,
589
00:28:25,455 --> 00:28:27,749
which makes it far
outside the norm.
590
00:28:27,832 --> 00:28:30,460
It allowed life to
form on ancient Mars,
591
00:28:30,543 --> 00:28:32,128
and we use it to wash our cars.
592
00:28:32,879 --> 00:28:34,047
H2O.
593
00:28:34,297 --> 00:28:36,799
H2O. H2O.
594
00:28:37,550 --> 00:28:39,135
H2O It's okay.
Thank you.
595
00:28:40,511 --> 00:28:42,972
Thank you, Zack.
Whoo! So good.
596
00:28:43,056 --> 00:28:45,850
All right, anybody else for
Molecule Mondays? Anyone?
597
00:28:46,726 --> 00:28:48,561
Okay.
Time for a pop Quiznos.
598
00:28:48,937 --> 00:28:49,938
A What?
599
00:28:50,563 --> 00:28:51,856
Oh, I'm sorry.
600
00:28:51,940 --> 00:28:53,441
What is your name? Brad?
601
00:28:53,691 --> 00:28:55,401
Brad. Yes, ma'am.
Wow. Look at you,
602
00:28:55,485 --> 00:28:57,111
Brad. Big.
603
00:28:57,946 --> 00:28:58,947
Uh...
604
00:28:59,030 --> 00:29:00,698
What is a pop Quiznos?
605
00:29:00,865 --> 00:29:04,035
It's a quiz, and the first
person who finishes
606
00:29:04,118 --> 00:29:07,163
gets a $10 gift
certificate to Quiznos.
607
00:29:07,705 --> 00:29:08,957
Today's quiz is on...
608
00:29:09,082 --> 00:29:10,333
You look really old.
609
00:29:10,667 --> 00:29:11,751
Were you held back
or something or...
610
00:29:11,834 --> 00:29:14,504
No. You look super young.
611
00:29:14,587 --> 00:29:16,464
Were you held forward?
612
00:29:17,840 --> 00:29:19,634
I went to school
in France, so...
613
00:29:19,717 --> 00:29:22,053
And they do, like, two extra
years of middle school there.
614
00:29:22,136 --> 00:29:23,179
It's so lame.
615
00:29:23,346 --> 00:29:26,099
French, the language of love.
616
00:29:26,516 --> 00:29:28,810
That's cool, man.
It's nice to meet you also.
617
00:29:29,769 --> 00:29:30,853
Hey.
618
00:29:33,022 --> 00:29:34,357
Good luck.
619
00:29:55,003 --> 00:29:56,087
Okay.
620
00:29:56,212 --> 00:29:57,380
Um...
621
00:29:58,006 --> 00:30:00,591
Maybe try one cooler.
622
00:30:01,592 --> 00:30:02,969
And faster.
623
00:30:03,928 --> 00:30:06,556
And louder.
And better.
624
00:30:07,015 --> 00:30:10,393
And less insecure
and more just cool.
625
00:30:15,982 --> 00:30:17,984
Okay, yeah,
those are great notes.
626
00:30:18,067 --> 00:30:19,235
I'm going to run outside,
627
00:30:19,319 --> 00:30:22,113
and I'm going to utilize those,
and I'm going to come back.
628
00:30:33,416 --> 00:30:34,417
It's such bullshit.
629
00:30:41,174 --> 00:30:42,467
Oh.
630
00:30:42,550 --> 00:30:43,968
Wow. You're fast.
631
00:30:44,552 --> 00:30:46,804
Not like that.
Just, let me check you out.
632
00:30:47,138 --> 00:30:49,182
Let me check out your chest.
633
00:30:49,265 --> 00:30:50,975
Check out your test...
Let me...
634
00:30:51,059 --> 00:30:52,602
Let me grade your quiz.
635
00:30:57,148 --> 00:30:58,983
Um, can I go take a dump?
636
00:31:00,401 --> 00:31:02,362
Yeah, okay.
That's cool.
637
00:31:03,488 --> 00:31:06,157
Oh. We have this
"hurry back" rule,
638
00:31:06,240 --> 00:31:07,742
so if you're not
back in six minutes,
639
00:31:07,825 --> 00:31:09,285
I have to send you
to the principal.
640
00:31:10,119 --> 00:31:11,788
Rules are rules, so,
641
00:31:12,372 --> 00:31:15,041
I guess this will
have to be a quickie.
642
00:31:15,458 --> 00:31:16,876
Which way is yearbook?
I don't know.
643
00:31:16,959 --> 00:31:18,002
Is it this way?
I don't know!
644
00:31:33,684 --> 00:31:34,811
Yo.
645
00:31:34,936 --> 00:31:36,062
Hey.
646
00:31:36,145 --> 00:31:37,146
You guys, huh?
647
00:31:37,313 --> 00:31:38,523
Um...
648
00:31:38,898 --> 00:31:41,609
That was a total mix-up,
what happened earlier.
649
00:31:41,692 --> 00:31:42,819
Yeah. He feels awful.
He feels...
650
00:31:42,902 --> 00:31:44,737
Totally, very nervous.
651
00:31:44,987 --> 00:31:47,115
You're the dealer?
652
00:31:47,198 --> 00:31:48,241
You're the dealer guy?
Is that you?
653
00:31:48,908 --> 00:31:49,951
Yep.
654
00:31:50,034 --> 00:31:51,160
So do you make the stuff or...
655
00:31:51,244 --> 00:31:53,996
Do I look like a fucking scientist?
No, I just sell it.
656
00:31:54,330 --> 00:31:55,456
Yeah, he just sells it Come on.
657
00:31:55,540 --> 00:31:56,624
Yeah, no, I'm sorry.
658
00:31:56,707 --> 00:31:58,668
I meant I just...
How many you guys want?
659
00:31:58,876 --> 00:32:00,420
20 bucks a pop.
660
00:32:01,421 --> 00:32:04,382
One each?
One pop each of drugs.
661
00:32:04,507 --> 00:32:06,008
You guys aren't narcs, are you?
662
00:32:06,300 --> 00:32:07,260
Whoa!
663
00:32:08,511 --> 00:32:10,221
Dude, come on.
No! Maybe you're a narc.
664
00:32:10,471 --> 00:32:12,181
You know who
calls people narcs?
665
00:32:12,265 --> 00:32:13,850
Narcs, narc.
666
00:32:14,517 --> 00:32:17,145
First of all, your argument kind
of just collapsed on itself,
667
00:32:17,228 --> 00:32:18,938
because if you call us narcs,
668
00:32:19,730 --> 00:32:22,775
if narcs call people narcs, and you
call us narcs, then that's kind of...
669
00:32:22,859 --> 00:32:24,694
'Cause you just said that.
They call people...
670
00:32:24,777 --> 00:32:25,903
Look, I don't have
time for this shit.
671
00:32:25,987 --> 00:32:27,071
You guys want to
do this or not?
672
00:32:27,155 --> 00:32:28,239
Jesus.
Yes.
673
00:32:28,322 --> 00:32:30,199
Yes, yes.
No problem.
674
00:32:31,951 --> 00:32:33,828
All right, take it here
so I know you're cool.
675
00:32:33,911 --> 00:32:34,996
I'm sorry. What?
676
00:32:35,997 --> 00:32:37,039
We were going to take it home.
677
00:32:37,123 --> 00:32:38,124
I gotta go back to class,
678
00:32:38,207 --> 00:32:39,250
is the only thing.
679
00:32:39,333 --> 00:32:40,585
I was thinking that I
was going to go home,
680
00:32:40,710 --> 00:32:42,170
maybe turn down the lights,
681
00:32:42,253 --> 00:32:43,629
getting snuggy,
get a little weird.
682
00:32:43,713 --> 00:32:45,465
I was going to take it,
and then masturbate later.
683
00:32:45,548 --> 00:32:46,507
Okay, I'm not asking.
684
00:32:46,591 --> 00:32:48,384
Take it now or
get the fuck out.
685
00:32:48,468 --> 00:32:50,428
I got to finish the girls'
volleyball page by lunch.
686
00:32:52,513 --> 00:32:53,598
Yeah?
687
00:32:55,766 --> 00:32:57,727
Yeah, no, it's all good.
688
00:32:57,810 --> 00:32:59,562
I love doing drugs at school.
689
00:32:59,729 --> 00:33:01,481
I'll just take
the drugs right here,
690
00:33:01,814 --> 00:33:03,149
in our mouths.
691
00:33:03,357 --> 00:33:04,901
There you go. That's it.
692
00:33:09,530 --> 00:33:10,865
Mmm. Mmm.
693
00:33:10,990 --> 00:33:13,534
What is that?
Barbecue? Cool Ranch?
694
00:33:13,743 --> 00:33:14,994
Have fun.
695
00:33:16,412 --> 00:33:17,788
You got to pull the trigger!
Okay.
696
00:33:17,872 --> 00:33:19,499
You got to pull the trigger!
697
00:33:19,582 --> 00:33:21,375
We got to throw up, man.
I can't.
698
00:33:21,459 --> 00:33:23,503
We gotta throw up. That kid, Billiam, died.
We got to throw up.
699
00:33:23,586 --> 00:33:25,296
Just think of something gross.
Think of something gross.
700
00:33:25,379 --> 00:33:26,631
You fucking think of something.
701
00:33:26,756 --> 00:33:28,007
Okay, all right, all right.
702
00:33:28,090 --> 00:33:29,300
Your grandma's vagina,
703
00:33:29,383 --> 00:33:30,593
and there's a dick
going into it.
704
00:33:30,635 --> 00:33:32,470
What the fuck are you saying? I don't know!
I'm just trying!
705
00:33:32,595 --> 00:33:34,305
I'm trying my best! I'm just trying!
Fuck! Come on, man!
706
00:33:34,388 --> 00:33:36,265
Dude, let's just
finger each other's mouths.
707
00:33:36,766 --> 00:33:37,934
No!
Yeah.
708
00:33:38,017 --> 00:33:39,143
No, you're not
fingering my mouth.
709
00:33:39,227 --> 00:33:40,728
Do you wanna die?
Do you wanna die?
710
00:33:40,811 --> 00:33:41,938
Okay, fine!
711
00:33:42,021 --> 00:33:44,732
Let's go. Come on. Come on!
Come on!
712
00:33:52,156 --> 00:33:54,033
What are you doing? Are
you trying to find my G-spot?
713
00:33:54,158 --> 00:33:56,160
Just stick it in! I don't know.
I've never done this before!
714
00:33:56,244 --> 00:33:57,370
Just stick it in! Go!
715
00:34:03,000 --> 00:34:04,418
Cut your fucking fingernails!
716
00:34:06,420 --> 00:34:07,630
Oh, God!
717
00:34:09,257 --> 00:34:10,758
Is it me?
718
00:34:10,841 --> 00:34:12,176
I'm sorry.
719
00:34:12,260 --> 00:34:13,344
I just can't sometimes.
720
00:34:14,387 --> 00:34:16,180
Think we're going to be fine.
I don't feel anything.
721
00:34:16,264 --> 00:34:17,682
Me, neither.
722
00:34:17,807 --> 00:34:19,350
Hey! Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa.
723
00:34:20,017 --> 00:34:21,602
You got a pass for running
around the hallways
724
00:34:21,686 --> 00:34:22,770
like a couple of
ding-a-lings?
725
00:34:22,895 --> 00:34:24,564
Pass, in your hand.
726
00:34:24,647 --> 00:34:25,815
Hello.
727
00:34:26,357 --> 00:34:27,400
Oh, damn.
728
00:34:27,483 --> 00:34:28,568
You guys are late.
729
00:34:28,651 --> 00:34:30,361
Now I'm going to have to take
you to the principal's office.
730
00:34:30,486 --> 00:34:34,615
No, no, no, man. Come on, please.
Sorry. Come on, please.
731
00:34:34,699 --> 00:34:36,701
You have exceptional muscle
tone there, young man.
732
00:34:36,993 --> 00:34:39,287
When'd you go through puberty?
Like, at seven or something?
733
00:34:39,620 --> 00:34:41,581
You look like you're in your
mid-20s, for crying out loud.
734
00:34:42,039 --> 00:34:44,500
McQuaid, huh?
Doug McQuaid.
735
00:34:44,584 --> 00:34:45,626
I read your file.
736
00:34:45,876 --> 00:34:48,838
You got a lot of something special
going on there, young man.
737
00:34:48,921 --> 00:34:51,090
What the hell was that?
God damn it, son!
738
00:34:51,173 --> 00:34:53,009
Don't ever raise your hand to
me like that again, all right?
739
00:34:53,092 --> 00:34:54,260
I consider that a threat.
740
00:34:54,343 --> 00:34:56,095
I was just
saying that I'm Doug.
741
00:34:56,178 --> 00:34:57,430
I'm Doug McQuaid.
742
00:34:57,513 --> 00:34:59,015
See, that's Brad.
743
00:34:59,849 --> 00:35:00,850
That's Brad.
744
00:35:00,933 --> 00:35:03,436
You're the new kid
who's All County in track?
745
00:35:03,519 --> 00:35:05,313
Yes, I'm Doug McQuaid,
746
00:35:06,188 --> 00:35:10,693
the track star, and this is
Brad, the science prodigy.
747
00:35:13,195 --> 00:35:15,323
He's really fast.
748
00:35:18,951 --> 00:35:20,036
Is this funny to you guys?
749
00:35:27,835 --> 00:35:28,961
So you're Doug.
750
00:35:29,045 --> 00:35:31,547
You're Doug. You're Doug.
751
00:35:31,839 --> 00:35:33,215
Here's the deal.
752
00:35:33,341 --> 00:35:36,135
My track team is full of
physically incapable rejects.
753
00:35:36,552 --> 00:35:39,263
I mean, if I wasn't the coach,
I'd be laughing my ass off
754
00:35:39,347 --> 00:35:42,725
at how spastic they are,
but I am the coach,
755
00:35:43,059 --> 00:35:44,769
so I need you.
756
00:35:45,394 --> 00:35:47,146
I need me some Doug McQuaid.
757
00:35:47,229 --> 00:35:48,356
Understand?
758
00:35:48,856 --> 00:35:52,568
I need you to run anchor on the
4 X 400 at today's track meet.
759
00:35:52,652 --> 00:35:55,237
You do that,
and I'll sign this pass.
760
00:35:55,905 --> 00:35:57,365
Don't blow on me, son.
761
00:35:58,074 --> 00:36:00,201
I haven't trained.
762
00:36:00,451 --> 00:36:03,913
Guys, don't make me take you
to the principal's office.
763
00:36:04,413 --> 00:36:06,082
Do we have a deal?
764
00:36:07,750 --> 00:36:08,876
Yes.
765
00:36:09,877 --> 00:36:11,087
Nice.
766
00:36:13,714 --> 00:36:16,717
I don't like that. Put your
tongue back in your mouth.
767
00:36:16,884 --> 00:36:18,427
Put your tongue in
your mouth, and close it.
768
00:36:19,095 --> 00:36:21,222
What are you doing?
Stop it.
769
00:36:21,597 --> 00:36:23,599
Actually, that's not bad.
770
00:36:23,683 --> 00:36:25,601
All right, here you go.
771
00:36:27,603 --> 00:36:29,480
Are you guys on drugs?
772
00:36:35,236 --> 00:36:36,237
Okay.
773
00:36:36,320 --> 00:36:37,613
One particle of Unobtainium has
774
00:36:37,738 --> 00:36:38,989
a nuclear reaction
with a flux capacitor.
775
00:36:39,115 --> 00:36:40,741
Carry the two,
changing its atomic isotoner
776
00:36:40,825 --> 00:36:42,618
into a radioactive spider.
777
00:36:44,829 --> 00:36:46,455
Fuck you, science!
778
00:36:52,920 --> 00:36:54,714
All right, all right, we're good.
Whoo!
779
00:36:54,797 --> 00:36:56,716
We're good. We're good, man.
We're good.
780
00:36:56,799 --> 00:36:58,467
We're good, baby.
Whoo!
781
00:36:59,135 --> 00:37:00,970
Good work.
Hit that shit.
782
00:37:39,592 --> 00:37:41,177
Christoph, did you feel that?
783
00:37:41,260 --> 00:37:42,678
Who are you?
784
00:37:46,390 --> 00:37:48,559
Welcome aboard, Peter.
785
00:37:59,236 --> 00:38:00,696
Whoo! No, keep it going!
786
00:38:00,821 --> 00:38:02,907
Keep it going.
That was so tight!
787
00:38:03,032 --> 00:38:04,241
No, no, no, keep it going.
Keep it going.
788
00:38:08,788 --> 00:38:10,998
All right, let's go, McQuaid!
789
00:38:11,248 --> 00:38:12,792
All right! Yeah!
790
00:38:13,292 --> 00:38:15,211
I like it!
I like the confidence, son!
791
00:38:16,378 --> 00:38:18,839
I know y'all seen
this shit before.
792
00:38:18,923 --> 00:38:20,341
I know you've seen
this shit before.
793
00:38:20,466 --> 00:38:23,093
Huge lead! Huge lead!
We got this. All right.
794
00:38:23,219 --> 00:38:25,054
You're looking amped!
795
00:38:27,223 --> 00:38:28,390
Here we go.
796
00:38:28,474 --> 00:38:29,809
Here we go!
Here we go!
797
00:38:30,851 --> 00:38:32,061
Hey, pick it up!
798
00:38:32,144 --> 00:38:35,231
Hey, no, McQuaid, pick it up.
What are you doing?
799
00:38:37,274 --> 00:38:38,359
What are you doing?
Pick it...
800
00:38:38,734 --> 00:38:40,611
What? McQuaid!
801
00:38:41,487 --> 00:38:44,114
Don't throw the baton,
you jackass!
802
00:38:44,740 --> 00:38:45,991
Come on!
803
00:38:46,075 --> 00:38:47,743
McQuaid!
804
00:38:47,827 --> 00:38:49,954
Run that way!
805
00:38:50,079 --> 00:38:53,165
Spike that!
Fuck you, Miles Davis!
806
00:38:55,584 --> 00:38:58,128
Let's go, God damn it!
Let's do this!
807
00:38:58,254 --> 00:38:59,505
Let's go! Come on!
808
00:38:59,839 --> 00:39:01,173
Oh, my God.
809
00:39:02,174 --> 00:39:03,384
No, no.
810
00:39:03,926 --> 00:39:05,261
No, stop.
811
00:39:05,553 --> 00:39:06,846
Come here.
Come here.
812
00:39:06,929 --> 00:39:08,347
Don't make a...
813
00:39:08,430 --> 00:39:09,932
That is a baton penis.
814
00:39:19,441 --> 00:39:21,527
Oh, speak of the devil!
815
00:39:21,610 --> 00:39:24,280
Dude, that was awesome how you
sabotaged that track meet, man.
816
00:39:24,363 --> 00:39:26,615
Organized sports are so fascist.
It makes me sick.
817
00:39:27,074 --> 00:39:28,576
That's just what I do.
818
00:39:28,784 --> 00:39:30,619
Okay. Shit, man. See
you around, all right?
819
00:39:33,956 --> 00:39:35,958
I don't get this school.
820
00:39:36,959 --> 00:39:38,460
That was awesome.
821
00:39:40,296 --> 00:39:42,131
Okay, so we stayed up
all night making this.
822
00:39:42,214 --> 00:39:43,591
It's awesome. You're
really going to like it.
823
00:39:43,674 --> 00:39:45,467
All yarn work
was done by Jenko.
824
00:39:45,551 --> 00:39:47,595
Okay, Captain, look, the
dealers are the popular kids,
825
00:39:47,678 --> 00:39:48,888
but they're not normal popular.
826
00:39:48,971 --> 00:39:51,432
They're these crunchy granola dudes
that have convinced everyone
827
00:39:51,515 --> 00:39:52,850
that they're cool,
and they're not cool.
828
00:39:53,142 --> 00:39:55,019
It's backwards and unnatural,
and it's got to be stopped.
829
00:39:55,352 --> 00:39:57,813
Lead dealer, Eric Moison.
Alpha dog.
830
00:39:57,897 --> 00:39:59,982
Sick chicks, killer steeze.
831
00:40:00,107 --> 00:40:01,275
Did the AIDS run this year.
832
00:40:01,650 --> 00:40:03,903
He's getting into Berkeley,
early admish,
833
00:40:03,986 --> 00:40:05,362
and he totally gets me.
834
00:40:05,446 --> 00:40:07,740
Who put this together?
Are you autistic?
835
00:40:07,823 --> 00:40:09,700
It is artistic,
sir, because the thing is,
836
00:40:09,783 --> 00:40:10,910
the yarn actually indicates...
837
00:40:10,993 --> 00:40:12,119
We're compiling a list
838
00:40:12,202 --> 00:40:14,246
of suspicious types at school.
The users are here.
839
00:40:14,330 --> 00:40:16,624
This kid was actually talking
to a tree this morning.
840
00:40:16,707 --> 00:40:17,791
Cut the bullshit!
841
00:40:18,000 --> 00:40:20,461
I want to know
who's the supplier.
842
00:40:20,961 --> 00:40:23,464
We don't know. That's why there's
a question mark on his face.
843
00:40:23,547 --> 00:40:25,716
That's not the way his face looks.
That's just a question mark.
844
00:40:25,799 --> 00:40:28,427
Infiltrate the dealers,
find the supplier.
845
00:40:28,552 --> 00:40:29,720
Simple.
846
00:40:29,970 --> 00:40:33,015
Sounds like you guys really
cracked the whole case.
847
00:40:33,140 --> 00:40:34,558
Great job.
You guys are on fire.
848
00:40:34,975 --> 00:40:35,935
So proud.
849
00:40:36,018 --> 00:40:37,061
Like you could do any better?
850
00:40:37,144 --> 00:40:38,938
We just brought down
a group of wannabe thugs
851
00:40:39,021 --> 00:40:41,357
stripping down cars in the
Garfield High metal shop.
852
00:40:41,690 --> 00:40:42,775
What?
853
00:40:42,858 --> 00:40:44,568
Meanwhile, you two
were standing around
854
00:40:44,652 --> 00:40:46,528
finger-popping
each other's assholes.
855
00:40:46,612 --> 00:40:49,198
We're not finger-popping
each other's assholes.
856
00:40:49,281 --> 00:40:51,784
What we're doing is
getting shit done.
857
00:40:52,201 --> 00:40:53,285
Yeah, as a matter of fact,
858
00:40:53,369 --> 00:40:54,995
I'm about to infiltrate
a super high-tech
859
00:40:55,079 --> 00:40:58,415
drug manufacturing ring
in the chemistry classroom.
860
00:41:05,756 --> 00:41:07,132
Password!
Open the door!
861
00:41:07,591 --> 00:41:09,176
You have to say the password.
I'm sorry. What?
862
00:41:09,259 --> 00:41:10,636
What are you...
863
00:41:12,221 --> 00:41:13,389
Geez.
864
00:41:17,226 --> 00:41:19,228
What are y'all doing?
How'd you get a key in here?
865
00:41:19,311 --> 00:41:22,564
Ms. Griggs gave us one so we
could work, tutor, deal Bakugan.
866
00:41:23,065 --> 00:41:24,984
Bakugan?
You dealing drugs?
867
00:41:25,275 --> 00:41:26,652
Let me see. You dealing drugs?
No.
868
00:41:26,735 --> 00:41:28,570
It's just a card game. It's,
like, a hybrid card game.
869
00:41:28,779 --> 00:41:30,489
See? They open up.
Battle Brawlers.
870
00:41:30,572 --> 00:41:32,408
You're not doing anything illegal?
No.
871
00:41:32,658 --> 00:41:33,784
What are you doing in here?
872
00:41:33,867 --> 00:41:36,036
I'm here to study.
873
00:41:36,537 --> 00:41:38,622
Good. You could use it. You're
pretty far behind, so...
874
00:41:38,914 --> 00:41:40,791
You're behind.
I'm ahead.
875
00:41:41,041 --> 00:41:43,085
I know everything.
Really?
876
00:41:43,210 --> 00:41:44,920
What's a covalent bond?
877
00:41:45,004 --> 00:41:47,006
Fuck you, man. I don't
need to tell you.
878
00:41:47,089 --> 00:41:49,550
I wasn't trying to be rude.
Sorry.
879
00:41:49,758 --> 00:41:52,344
I just... I don't think
you know everything.
880
00:41:52,636 --> 00:41:53,721
I know everything.
881
00:41:54,304 --> 00:41:55,472
Okay.
882
00:42:02,730 --> 00:42:04,148
What kind of
bullshit do they say
883
00:42:04,231 --> 00:42:06,275
about a covalent bond
in this school?
884
00:42:06,608 --> 00:42:10,696
They say it's when two atoms
share both their electrons.
885
00:42:10,779 --> 00:42:12,364
It helps them to
stick together.
886
00:42:13,115 --> 00:42:15,659
I could help you out if you
want, tutor you for the test.
887
00:42:16,368 --> 00:42:18,746
What are you doing with
all those phones anyway?
888
00:42:19,371 --> 00:42:21,874
I crack and jailbreak kids' phones
to try and save for college.
889
00:42:21,957 --> 00:42:23,542
You know, I switch
their wireless carriers,
890
00:42:23,625 --> 00:42:24,710
get them restricted apps.
891
00:42:24,793 --> 00:42:26,003
Can you listen in on
phone calls and stuff?
892
00:42:26,086 --> 00:42:29,965
No, no, I can't install a spyware
to remotely monitor calls
893
00:42:30,049 --> 00:42:31,425
or anything that
the mic picks up.
894
00:42:31,717 --> 00:42:32,760
I can't do that at all.
895
00:42:32,885 --> 00:42:33,927
Wait, you can't do it?
896
00:42:34,136 --> 00:42:35,554
No, I can't.
897
00:42:36,972 --> 00:42:38,724
Is he being sarcastic?
I don't know.
898
00:42:39,975 --> 00:42:41,101
So you can.
899
00:42:45,481 --> 00:42:47,274
Liking comic books is popular.
900
00:42:47,357 --> 00:42:50,110
Environmental awareness,
being tolerant.
901
00:42:50,194 --> 00:42:51,570
If I was just
born 10 years later,
902
00:42:51,653 --> 00:42:53,363
I would have been
the coolest person ever.
903
00:42:53,489 --> 00:42:55,365
I know.
It's bullshit.
904
00:42:56,784 --> 00:42:57,910
You know what?
905
00:42:57,993 --> 00:43:00,329
I totally know the cause.
906
00:43:00,412 --> 00:43:02,831
Glee. Fuck you, Glee.
907
00:43:03,999 --> 00:43:05,834
Man, I got to say,
this is kind of awesome.
908
00:43:06,001 --> 00:43:10,047
I might become popular. I might
get in with the popular kids.
909
00:43:10,964 --> 00:43:14,384
We just have to do something wildly
irresponsible to earn their trust.
910
00:43:14,510 --> 00:43:15,636
You saying we
should throw a party?
911
00:43:15,886 --> 00:43:17,137
I'll invite Molly,
912
00:43:17,221 --> 00:43:18,597
and then Molly will
invite Eric,
913
00:43:18,931 --> 00:43:20,724
and that'll be the quickest way
for me to bro down with him.
914
00:43:20,808 --> 00:43:23,185
Wouldn't it be better if we both
infiltrated the cool kids' group?
915
00:43:23,268 --> 00:43:24,645
I think it would be
better if you get in
916
00:43:24,728 --> 00:43:26,271
with the nerdy kids and see
what's going on over there.
917
00:43:26,355 --> 00:43:27,856
That'd be the best
thing for the case.
918
00:43:28,315 --> 00:43:30,984
Yeah. I mean,
I guess that makes sense.
919
00:43:40,452 --> 00:43:42,538
Hello?
Hey. Is this Molly?
920
00:43:42,996 --> 00:43:44,123
Speaking.
921
00:43:44,206 --> 00:43:45,666
Hey. It's Schmidt.
922
00:43:46,208 --> 00:43:49,545
It's Doug Schmug McQuaid.
923
00:43:49,753 --> 00:43:51,922
Oh. Hey, man.
924
00:43:52,005 --> 00:43:53,966
It's so weird that
you're calling me.
925
00:43:54,049 --> 00:43:58,178
I pretty much text except for
when a random old relative calls.
926
00:43:58,554 --> 00:44:02,057
Uh I was just calling 'cause we're
costarring in this play together,
927
00:44:02,141 --> 00:44:03,225
- and...- Hello?
928
00:44:03,350 --> 00:44:04,518
Mom, get off the phone!
929
00:44:04,893 --> 00:44:06,645
Oh. Sorry, Doug,
930
00:44:06,728 --> 00:44:08,397
my teen son.
Mom!
931
00:44:08,564 --> 00:44:10,858
I love you, honey, Dougie
Doug, Douglas McQuaid.
932
00:44:10,941 --> 00:44:12,776
Mom, so serious right now!
Stop!
933
00:44:16,738 --> 00:44:19,449
I'm sorry.
My mom's such a dick.
934
00:44:19,575 --> 00:44:21,660
Ugh! She just, like,
smothers me with affection
935
00:44:21,743 --> 00:44:23,620
and makes me feel
like I'm five years old.
936
00:44:23,704 --> 00:44:26,957
Wow. You're a sharer.
I dig that.
937
00:44:27,249 --> 00:44:28,542
Well, I'm 18 years old,
938
00:44:28,625 --> 00:44:30,460
and my mom still packs
a lunch for me every day.
939
00:44:30,586 --> 00:44:33,797
There was this one month where she
bought me 43 stuffed animals.
940
00:44:34,089 --> 00:44:36,675
The doctor thought I was gonna
spontaneously grow a vagina.
941
00:44:37,217 --> 00:44:38,719
I didn't, though,
just to be clear.
942
00:44:38,969 --> 00:44:40,596
Yeah, because
you already had one.
943
00:44:40,762 --> 00:44:42,181
Exactly.
I already had one.
944
00:44:42,264 --> 00:44:44,016
And you don't need two vaginas.
You just don't.
945
00:44:44,099 --> 00:44:46,101
Although you could
use one as a coin purse.
946
00:44:47,352 --> 00:44:48,687
I never got any stuffed
animals growing up.
947
00:44:48,770 --> 00:44:51,023
Oh, wait, actually, that's not true.
I did.
948
00:44:51,106 --> 00:44:52,941
My dad gave me a stuffed puppy
the day he bailed on us.
949
00:44:55,027 --> 00:44:56,403
I'm just fucking with you.
950
00:44:56,945 --> 00:44:58,488
That is a weird joke.
951
00:44:58,614 --> 00:45:00,282
I thought your dad
abandoned your family.
952
00:45:00,365 --> 00:45:02,409
No, he did walk out on us, though.
Oh.
953
00:45:02,492 --> 00:45:04,870
But he didn't even
leave me a stuffed puppy.
954
00:45:04,953 --> 00:45:06,038
Just broken dreams.
955
00:45:06,121 --> 00:45:09,458
Oh, man. Well, I guess,
to that, I would say,
956
00:45:09,625 --> 00:45:10,626
well, uh,
957
00:45:12,002 --> 00:45:14,129
that there are some
good guys out there,
958
00:45:14,213 --> 00:45:17,799
and I wouldn't let,
you know, one experience
959
00:45:17,883 --> 00:45:20,219
taint your memory.
960
00:45:20,469 --> 00:45:21,803
Oh, my God.
961
00:45:21,887 --> 00:45:24,723
Are you getting choked up?
I'm sorry if I made you upset.
962
00:45:24,973 --> 00:45:28,644
No, it's just, you know, I don't
like when guys are mean to girls.
963
00:45:28,727 --> 00:45:31,063
Yeah. Well, thanks.
964
00:45:31,647 --> 00:45:33,565
Normal transition here.
965
00:45:34,775 --> 00:45:37,903
Actually, I'm having a party next weekend.
You should come!
966
00:45:37,986 --> 00:45:39,821
You and Eric and Juario,
whatever.
967
00:45:40,113 --> 00:45:43,075
Do you mind if I just put,
like, a posting on Facebook?
968
00:45:43,158 --> 00:45:45,160
Okay. Yeah, yeah!
969
00:45:45,827 --> 00:45:46,870
I should call you back.
970
00:45:46,954 --> 00:45:49,206
Well, all right, I'll see you at school.
You're a great person.
971
00:45:49,289 --> 00:45:50,249
Bye-bye. Bye,
Bye.
972
00:45:50,332 --> 00:45:51,875
What the fuck are you...
973
00:46:02,719 --> 00:46:04,054
Are y'all throwing a party?
974
00:46:05,055 --> 00:46:06,056
What?
975
00:46:06,139 --> 00:46:08,976
There's rumors in
the Twittersphere.
976
00:46:09,851 --> 00:46:11,603
And if any of my officers
977
00:46:11,687 --> 00:46:14,773
are caught giving
alcohol to minors,
978
00:46:15,190 --> 00:46:17,150
they'll find theyself in prison
979
00:46:18,151 --> 00:46:21,571
with a snorkel
duct-taped to they mouth
980
00:46:21,697 --> 00:46:24,866
and me shitting
down that snorkel.
981
00:46:26,827 --> 00:46:28,704
That's extremely vivid.
Thank you.
982
00:46:29,204 --> 00:46:31,748
You're the best.
You are the best.
983
00:46:32,082 --> 00:46:33,458
Oh, my God.
We love you.
984
00:46:33,542 --> 00:46:34,626
Enjoy the vineyard.
You boys be good, now.
985
00:46:34,710 --> 00:46:37,004
Yeah, I can't believe
you guys did this for us.
986
00:46:37,296 --> 00:46:38,463
Bye!
987
00:46:38,547 --> 00:46:39,548
"We love you"?
What are you doing?
988
00:46:39,631 --> 00:46:41,049
Why you saying "I
love you" to my mom?
989
00:46:41,133 --> 00:46:42,467
I'm in character. Shut up.
It's weird.
990
00:46:44,052 --> 00:46:46,722
Look, dude, it's kind
of like we're brothers.
991
00:46:47,222 --> 00:46:48,974
Wait, how are we
going to buy alcohol?
992
00:46:49,599 --> 00:46:51,310
Dude, I don't have a fake ID.
993
00:46:58,900 --> 00:47:00,986
How are we going to
get drugs for the party?
994
00:47:01,862 --> 00:47:03,155
Oh, no.
995
00:47:09,911 --> 00:47:10,954
We got a pound of coke.
996
00:47:11,038 --> 00:47:13,415
We're trying to show them a good
time, not ruin their fucking lives.
997
00:47:13,498 --> 00:47:14,583
Pound of marijuana?
998
00:47:15,083 --> 00:47:16,668
Best party ever.
Boo-yah!
999
00:47:31,016 --> 00:47:34,478
To a brilliant idea
1000
00:47:34,561 --> 00:47:36,438
from my brilliant brother
1001
00:47:36,563 --> 00:47:37,856
that I love so very much.
1002
00:47:39,107 --> 00:47:41,276
And this is going
to fucking rock.
1003
00:47:41,401 --> 00:47:43,195
Cheers, man.
Cheers.
1004
00:47:49,826 --> 00:47:51,703
Who invited you guys?
I did!
1005
00:47:51,787 --> 00:47:52,788
The party's here!
1006
00:47:53,455 --> 00:47:55,040
What's up, Zack?
Hey, buddy.
1007
00:47:55,123 --> 00:47:56,166
What's up, Roman?
1008
00:47:56,249 --> 00:47:59,628
This is crazy. This is, like, the
craziest thing I've ever been a part of.
1009
00:48:03,590 --> 00:48:05,384
Where is Eric, man?
He said he'd be here.
1010
00:48:05,467 --> 00:48:07,010
Do we have enough chips?
1011
00:48:07,094 --> 00:48:09,012
Is this playlist
too dance-y?
1012
00:48:09,096 --> 00:48:10,222
Feels too dance-y.
Too dance-y?
1013
00:48:10,305 --> 00:48:11,348
What are you talking about?
1014
00:48:11,431 --> 00:48:13,517
I don't know,
it just feels dance-y.
1015
00:48:17,604 --> 00:48:19,648
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
What are you doing?
1016
00:48:19,731 --> 00:48:20,774
That's my mom's Kokopelli vase.
1017
00:48:20,857 --> 00:48:21,858
I got it, I got it.
1018
00:48:21,942 --> 00:48:23,402
Doug, Doug, hey!
1019
00:48:23,485 --> 00:48:26,655
Hey, Paul Blart: Molly Cop.
1020
00:48:27,447 --> 00:48:28,865
Such a bad joke.
1021
00:48:28,949 --> 00:48:30,075
Terrible, terrible.
1022
00:48:30,158 --> 00:48:31,326
You guys know each other, right?
Yeah.
1023
00:48:31,451 --> 00:48:33,078
Get ready,
get ready, there's Eric.
1024
00:48:33,161 --> 00:48:34,246
Wait for the signal.
1025
00:48:34,329 --> 00:48:36,248
And then you come in here
looking like a rock-solid 10.
1026
00:48:36,331 --> 00:48:37,457
What?
1027
00:48:38,208 --> 00:48:39,418
What's up, man, how you doing?
1028
00:48:39,751 --> 00:48:41,294
Eco Suave.
1029
00:48:41,837 --> 00:48:42,838
Whoa.
1030
00:48:43,296 --> 00:48:46,091
Wow, so I'm really
digging this decor.
1031
00:48:46,425 --> 00:48:48,343
Very Native American.
1032
00:48:48,885 --> 00:48:50,220
Yeah, our parents are actually
1033
00:48:50,303 --> 00:48:52,764
really into Native American...
Let's rock and roll.
1034
00:48:54,516 --> 00:48:56,059
- Sorry.
- What are y'all doing?
1035
00:48:56,518 --> 00:48:58,228
Come on. Did you
guys even see Eric?
1036
00:48:58,520 --> 00:49:00,355
Seriously,
did you not see Eric?
1037
00:49:00,897 --> 00:49:02,607
No offense, man,
but your brother sucks.
1038
00:49:02,691 --> 00:49:05,444
Yo, this is butt. There's,
like, no hot dudes here.
1039
00:49:05,527 --> 00:49:07,279
Man, let's bounce.
We're out of here, man.
1040
00:49:07,362 --> 00:49:10,198
No, no, no, come on, you guys
just got here, you just got here.
1041
00:49:10,282 --> 00:49:12,451
Come on, let me at
least give you a tour.
1042
00:49:12,534 --> 00:49:14,911
Okay, boys, come on, we did
it, we can do this, just go,
1043
00:49:14,995 --> 00:49:16,538
just go as fast as
you possibly can.
1044
00:49:16,663 --> 00:49:18,290
Taking out the SIM card.
1045
00:49:18,373 --> 00:49:20,250
Taking out the SIM card.
1046
00:49:22,377 --> 00:49:24,129
Come on, CSI
the shit out of this thing.
1047
00:49:24,212 --> 00:49:25,839
Are you drunk?
No.
1048
00:49:25,922 --> 00:49:27,299
Have you even
been drunk before?
1049
00:49:27,382 --> 00:49:28,884
No, but“ Give me this.
1050
00:49:29,009 --> 00:49:30,635
What? Can we get some
bitches up in here?
1051
00:49:30,719 --> 00:49:32,512
'Cause it's just
boys right now.
1052
00:49:32,596 --> 00:49:34,306
No, you can't get
any bitches up here.
1053
00:49:34,598 --> 00:49:36,099
This is my parents' bedroom.
1054
00:49:38,226 --> 00:49:39,519
What the fuck, bro? Some privacy!
Shit, shit, shit!
1055
00:49:39,603 --> 00:49:42,022
And that is
a really gross three-way.
1056
00:49:43,565 --> 00:49:45,108
But what was the girl
in the back doing?
1057
00:49:45,192 --> 00:49:47,194
Warehouse rave in Ellsworth.
1058
00:49:47,277 --> 00:49:49,029
Cool, yeah.
1059
00:49:49,112 --> 00:49:51,114
Hey, man, thank you
for the hospitality,
1060
00:49:51,198 --> 00:49:53,283
but we got to get going.
You know how it is, yeah?
1061
00:49:53,366 --> 00:49:54,993
Dude, tell me about it.
1062
00:49:56,119 --> 00:49:57,621
Is it ready? He's gonna
leave right now.
1063
00:49:57,746 --> 00:49:59,164
It's extracting right now.
1064
00:49:59,247 --> 00:50:01,166
Dude, it's now or never!
Is it ready or not?
1065
00:50:01,249 --> 00:50:03,001
Read this. "Please wait.
Extracting data from SIM card."
1066
00:50:03,084 --> 00:50:05,253
Shit! It's a bust.
1067
00:50:09,424 --> 00:50:10,634
- Keep it casual.
- Yeah.
1068
00:50:10,759 --> 00:50:11,760
Go with the flow, dude.
Cool, man.
1069
00:50:11,801 --> 00:50:13,178
I don't like to make plans or whatever.
You got it.
1070
00:50:13,261 --> 00:50:14,346
Thank you again, though, man.
All right.
1071
00:50:14,429 --> 00:50:17,849
Eric, Eric, Eric.
Hey, man, what's up?
1072
00:50:18,433 --> 00:50:20,018
Hey, why you here, Scott?
1073
00:50:20,101 --> 00:50:22,521
What, Kennedy High isn't
having any parties tonight?
1074
00:50:22,604 --> 00:50:24,606
No, I heard you guys were
partying with some new stuff.
1075
00:50:24,856 --> 00:50:27,192
Wanted to know your hookup so me
and my boys can get in on it.
1076
00:50:27,275 --> 00:50:29,194
Got other commitments on
that front, so, you know...
1077
00:50:29,277 --> 00:50:30,362
I wasn't asking.
1078
00:50:31,905 --> 00:50:33,281
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
1079
00:50:33,573 --> 00:50:36,034
Take five, take five, man,
let me get this. I got this.
1080
00:50:36,117 --> 00:50:38,453
Yeah? You sure?
I got this one.
1081
00:50:39,371 --> 00:50:41,373
Hey, big player,
I don't know who you are.
1082
00:50:41,456 --> 00:50:43,333
Don't worry about who I am.
I'm worried about it.
1083
00:50:43,458 --> 00:50:45,460
Why? 'Cause you're at my
party right now, dude.
1084
00:50:45,585 --> 00:50:47,963
This is my temple, this is where
I come to find peace, dawg,
1085
00:50:48,171 --> 00:50:49,256
and you're coming in here
1086
00:50:49,339 --> 00:50:50,882
like an emotional bull
in a china shop,
1087
00:50:50,966 --> 00:50:53,468
metaphorically knocking over
vases, messing with my crew,
1088
00:50:53,552 --> 00:50:54,636
and I'm like,
1089
00:50:54,719 --> 00:50:57,639
"What, Scott, what, Scott, what,
what, what, what, Scott?"
1090
00:50:57,722 --> 00:50:59,099
It's that kind of party?
Yeah, dude.
1091
00:50:59,182 --> 00:51:01,142
Matter of fact, it's
getting hot in here, huh?
1092
00:51:01,226 --> 00:51:03,228
No, it's getting real.
It's getting very real.
1093
00:51:03,311 --> 00:51:05,021
Yeah. It's like seven strangers
living in one house.
1094
00:51:05,105 --> 00:51:06,106
True story.
1095
00:51:06,189 --> 00:51:07,607
You want Real World?
Yeah, let's do it, man.
1096
00:51:07,649 --> 00:51:08,775
Come on. What's your Real...
Here's Real World.
1097
00:51:09,943 --> 00:51:11,236
What was that?
Did you hear that?
1098
00:51:11,319 --> 00:51:12,779
Real enough for you?
1099
00:51:12,862 --> 00:51:14,322
Schmidt. Doug.
1100
00:51:14,406 --> 00:51:15,991
What do I do?
Hit him!
1101
00:51:17,993 --> 00:51:19,536
Shit! That hurt worse
than when he hit me!
1102
00:51:26,251 --> 00:51:27,460
Fight normal.
1103
00:51:27,544 --> 00:51:28,962
Yo, I'm serious.
1104
00:51:29,045 --> 00:51:30,171
Sorry.
1105
00:51:34,301 --> 00:51:35,468
I'll fucking kill you!
1106
00:51:35,552 --> 00:51:36,886
I'm sorry!
I'm very sorry!
1107
00:51:38,096 --> 00:51:41,266
Seriously, use your words,
use your words!
1108
00:51:44,019 --> 00:51:45,061
I kicked him in the nuts.
1109
00:51:50,525 --> 00:51:52,861
Fight's over, dude!
Fight's over! Fight's over!
1110
00:51:57,282 --> 00:51:58,491
No, watch my mom's shit, man!
1111
00:51:58,533 --> 00:52:00,410
I'm gonna fucking kill you!
You'll knock over my mom's vase!
1112
00:52:00,493 --> 00:52:01,453
Fuck your mom's vase!
1113
00:52:01,536 --> 00:52:02,746
Fuck this!
1114
00:52:07,792 --> 00:52:08,877
Oh, shit!
1115
00:52:09,628 --> 00:52:10,920
Yeah!
1116
00:52:15,091 --> 00:52:16,843
That's my brother!
1117
00:52:21,890 --> 00:52:23,058
That was insane!
1118
00:52:23,141 --> 00:52:24,267
You're so cool!
1119
00:52:25,727 --> 00:52:28,229
Did you see that shit?
That was crazy.
1120
00:52:32,651 --> 00:52:33,735
Oh, shit,
1121
00:52:34,361 --> 00:52:35,737
when did I get stabbed?
1122
00:52:37,280 --> 00:52:38,448
That's awesome.
1123
00:52:40,575 --> 00:52:41,576
Yeah!
1124
00:52:44,954 --> 00:52:46,581
Is that a cop?
1125
00:52:46,665 --> 00:52:47,916
Where?
1126
00:52:48,041 --> 00:52:50,251
No, it's not. Here.
1127
00:52:50,919 --> 00:52:53,004
Oh, I'm so glad we're going
back to get my phone.
1128
00:52:53,088 --> 00:52:54,923
I just hope we
don't wake up Schmidty.
1129
00:52:55,048 --> 00:52:56,424
Oh, my God,
he's a policeman now.
1130
00:52:56,508 --> 00:52:58,134
It's like we're
living with a narc.
1131
00:52:59,302 --> 00:53:00,637
The boy is an angel.
1132
00:53:01,179 --> 00:53:02,305
Pull it out!
1133
00:53:02,639 --> 00:53:06,351
Pull it out! Pull it out!
Pull it out!
1134
00:53:06,434 --> 00:53:07,560
Sorry!
1135
00:53:15,276 --> 00:53:16,319
Aw...
1136
00:53:17,570 --> 00:53:18,822
Okay, let's take some shots.
1137
00:53:18,905 --> 00:53:20,281
Shots, shots!
1138
00:53:25,453 --> 00:53:27,747
That's like us fucking Mother
Earth without a condom.
1139
00:54:04,576 --> 00:54:06,202
What the fuck is going on?
1140
00:54:06,327 --> 00:54:08,163
Annie, hang on.
1141
00:54:11,166 --> 00:54:12,876
Are you fucking kidding me?
1142
00:54:13,001 --> 00:54:15,920
Get out of my house. I said get out!
The party's over!
1143
00:54:16,004 --> 00:54:17,464
I'm sorry, Mom, I'm sorry!
1144
00:54:17,756 --> 00:54:19,340
The mom is coming!
1145
00:54:19,632 --> 00:54:21,509
Listen to me!
Chill out! Chill out!
1146
00:54:22,010 --> 00:54:23,303
Let go of me! SCHMIDT:
You're embarrassing me
1147
00:54:23,386 --> 00:54:25,346
in front of my friends!
Get back here, you shit!
1148
00:54:28,641 --> 00:54:30,477
Dude, that was so crazy, man.
1149
00:54:30,560 --> 00:54:32,771
I swear, best party
I've been to in years.
1150
00:54:32,854 --> 00:54:34,481
Dude, I'm doing
crazy stuff like that,
1151
00:54:34,564 --> 00:54:36,232
like, all the time, man.
I bet you are.
1152
00:54:36,357 --> 00:54:38,777
Dude, I'm so amped
right now, God!
1153
00:54:40,236 --> 00:54:41,821
You, dude, I like you, man.
1154
00:54:41,905 --> 00:54:43,490
How do you feel about making
a little extra money?
1155
00:54:43,615 --> 00:54:45,658
Whatever it is, I'm in.
1156
00:54:45,742 --> 00:54:46,993
All right, here's the deal.
1157
00:54:47,076 --> 00:54:48,953
Okay, I can't sell
all this shit on my own,
1158
00:54:49,078 --> 00:54:50,997
but I only bring
in people I like.
1159
00:54:51,706 --> 00:54:54,042
Okay, you do good, maybe we bring
you in on what we're doing,
1160
00:54:54,167 --> 00:54:56,211
I introduce you to my hookup.
How's that sound?
1161
00:54:57,170 --> 00:54:58,463
Cool with me.
My man.
1162
00:54:58,546 --> 00:55:00,423
That is my man...
1163
00:55:00,757 --> 00:55:02,383
That was nuts.
I lost you guys.
1164
00:55:04,427 --> 00:55:07,180
Um... Hey, thank you again
for the party, man.
1165
00:55:07,263 --> 00:55:08,640
Yo, yo.
1166
00:55:12,894 --> 00:55:14,229
Come on!
1167
00:55:16,898 --> 00:55:18,316
I love dick"?
1168
00:55:18,399 --> 00:55:19,901
You think that's funny?
1169
00:55:19,984 --> 00:55:21,486
"Wonder Years douche"?
1170
00:55:21,569 --> 00:55:23,780
What kind of
a sick animal draws
1171
00:55:23,863 --> 00:55:27,325
an ejaculating penis
into an 8-year-old's mouth?
1172
00:55:27,408 --> 00:55:30,453
It's arguably, like,
an airplane throwing up.
1173
00:55:31,246 --> 00:55:32,914
You think I don't know
that's a dick and balls?
1174
00:55:33,039 --> 00:55:34,916
I know all about
dick and balls!
1175
00:55:34,999 --> 00:55:37,377
I partied with Robert Downey Jr.
before he got sober,
1176
00:55:37,460 --> 00:55:39,712
when he was really fucked
up and a lot of fun!
1177
00:55:39,921 --> 00:55:41,840
You know what? From now on,
you're gonna do some chores.
1178
00:55:41,923 --> 00:55:44,217
You're gonna wash the laundry,
you're gonna fold it,
1179
00:55:44,300 --> 00:55:47,929
you're gonna do the dishes, you're
gonna mow the lawn...
1180
00:55:53,852 --> 00:55:55,270
Dude, I have
a surprise for you.
1181
00:55:55,353 --> 00:55:57,146
Last night at the party,
I took Eric's phone
1182
00:55:57,272 --> 00:55:59,941
and I had Zack put this
monitoring device in it,
1183
00:56:00,066 --> 00:56:03,194
so we're gonna get to hear every single
thing that little prick is up to.
1184
00:56:03,444 --> 00:56:05,196
Dude, I don't know if
that was a good idea.
1185
00:56:05,280 --> 00:56:06,281
What?
1186
00:56:06,322 --> 00:56:08,283
What if you had gotten found out?
But it worked.
1187
00:56:08,366 --> 00:56:10,243
This is, like, the smartest
move I've ever pulled,
1188
00:56:10,326 --> 00:56:12,954
so, I'm sorry, what are you
getting mad at me for?
1189
00:56:13,037 --> 00:56:14,205
I'm not getting mad at you.
1190
00:56:14,289 --> 00:56:15,957
I'm glad you have
something to do.
1191
00:56:18,459 --> 00:56:19,502
Good.
1192
00:56:22,714 --> 00:56:24,048
What's up?
1193
00:56:29,846 --> 00:56:31,055
Great job, Schmidt.
1194
00:56:46,821 --> 00:56:47,864
Password!
1195
00:56:47,947 --> 00:56:49,032
Kneel before Zod!
1196
00:56:49,115 --> 00:56:50,408
You may enter.
1197
00:56:50,491 --> 00:56:52,076
Thank you, Zod.
1198
00:57:00,168 --> 00:57:01,294
Let's tap that wire, huh?
1199
00:57:01,377 --> 00:57:03,129
We were just about to go outside
with a bunch of chemicals.
1200
00:57:03,212 --> 00:57:05,006
We were going to
test what blows up.
1201
00:57:05,506 --> 00:57:08,343
There's no reason the wiretap
is super urgent, right?
1202
00:57:09,510 --> 00:57:11,638
Not that I can think of
that would make sense.
1203
00:57:11,846 --> 00:57:13,640
Go for it, go for it.
1204
00:57:13,723 --> 00:57:15,516
Look out.
Go, go, go!
1205
00:57:18,561 --> 00:57:19,562
Yes!
1206
00:57:19,938 --> 00:57:21,856
Yes, that's what
I'm talking about!
1207
00:57:21,940 --> 00:57:23,358
That's what I'm talking about!
1208
00:57:23,441 --> 00:57:24,901
I love this science shit!
1209
00:57:24,984 --> 00:57:27,403
This is what you guys do all day?
Let's do it again.
1210
00:57:43,920 --> 00:57:45,254
Are you texting Molly?
1211
00:57:45,713 --> 00:57:46,756
Uh, what?
1212
00:57:47,215 --> 00:57:48,675
I don't...
Molly, uh...
1213
00:57:49,342 --> 00:57:50,635
Maybe. Is that...
1214
00:57:50,718 --> 00:57:53,346
Whoa, it's cool, man, come on.
1215
00:57:53,429 --> 00:57:56,599
I'm not some, like, '50s
letterman who pins a girl.
1216
00:57:56,683 --> 00:57:59,310
I mean, yeah, we blow each other
sometimes, but it's not a thing.
1217
00:57:59,394 --> 00:58:00,395
I just, like...
1218
00:58:00,478 --> 00:58:02,522
I don't know, I don't believe
in possessions, ja feel?
1219
00:58:03,272 --> 00:58:05,400
Ja feel, ja definitely feel.
1220
00:58:05,692 --> 00:58:07,485
Yeah.
Schmidty?
1221
00:58:09,070 --> 00:58:10,238
Schmidty.
1222
00:58:11,406 --> 00:58:12,407
Phyllis.
1223
00:58:13,700 --> 00:58:15,076
I'll be right back, dude.
Okay.
1224
00:58:17,036 --> 00:58:19,372
Hey. How are you?
1225
00:58:19,455 --> 00:58:20,581
How is my
favorite police officer?
1226
00:58:20,665 --> 00:58:21,666
Okay.
1227
00:58:21,749 --> 00:58:24,293
Your mother told me
that you are undercover.
1228
00:58:24,377 --> 00:58:25,878
Listen, now
is not a really good time.
1229
00:58:26,212 --> 00:58:27,922
Are you undercover right now?
1230
00:58:28,006 --> 00:58:29,465
Yes, it means I'm
undercover right now.
1231
00:58:29,549 --> 00:58:31,259
Are those the bad
guys over there?
1232
00:58:31,342 --> 00:58:32,593
Do they have guns?
1233
00:58:32,677 --> 00:58:34,137
Oh, my God. Oh, God,
this is so exciting.
1234
00:58:34,262 --> 00:58:36,097
I have got to call Annie. She
is gonna die.
1235
00:58:36,222 --> 00:58:39,100
I heard that that Jenko
boy is your partner.
1236
00:58:39,183 --> 00:58:40,810
Where is my phone?
Okay, okay.
1237
00:58:40,893 --> 00:58:42,186
Shut your fucking mouth.
1238
00:58:42,270 --> 00:58:44,397
Shut your fucking mouth,
you understand me? Shh...
1239
00:58:44,480 --> 00:58:46,315
Let's go check this out.
1240
00:58:46,399 --> 00:58:48,526
I will straight-up punch you in
the face if you do not shut up.
1241
00:58:48,609 --> 00:58:49,610
There is no...
1242
00:58:49,694 --> 00:58:50,695
A straight-up face punch.
1243
00:58:50,778 --> 00:58:51,904
I swear to God,
you're gonna get me killed.
1244
00:58:51,988 --> 00:58:53,406
Hey, yo.
That is...
1245
00:58:55,324 --> 00:58:57,118
Shit! She just tried
to grab my dick, dude!
1246
00:58:57,201 --> 00:58:58,202
What?
You tried to grab his...
1247
00:58:58,286 --> 00:58:59,412
She tried to grab my junk.
1248
00:58:59,495 --> 00:59:01,039
She was like, "Oh, my
God, I have arthritis,"
1249
00:59:01,122 --> 00:59:02,790
"it hurts my hand, I need to
grab a handful of that dick."
1250
00:59:02,874 --> 00:59:04,000
I was like,
"Get the fuck off me!"
1251
00:59:04,083 --> 00:59:05,460
She said, "I need to grab
a handful of that dick"?
1252
00:59:05,543 --> 00:59:07,170
And it felt good, but then
it felt weird for a second,
1253
00:59:07,253 --> 00:59:09,338
so I pushed her.
We got to get out of here.
1254
00:59:09,422 --> 00:59:10,423
All right,
cool, let's get the...
1255
00:59:26,731 --> 00:59:29,067
Ah, so your
parents are just cool
1256
00:59:29,150 --> 00:59:30,526
with having
people over whenever?
1257
00:59:30,651 --> 00:59:32,361
Yeah, you know,
they're out most nights.
1258
00:59:32,487 --> 00:59:34,155
Pretty laissez-faire
about the whole thing.
1259
00:59:34,697 --> 00:59:36,949
You're so lucky your parents
don't give a shit about you.
1260
00:59:37,033 --> 00:59:38,242
Right?
1261
00:59:38,326 --> 00:59:40,161
This place is awesome.
Yeah.
1262
00:59:40,328 --> 00:59:41,454
Hey.
1263
00:59:41,913 --> 00:59:42,914
Hey, what's up?
1264
00:59:42,997 --> 00:59:44,457
How's it going?
1265
00:59:44,540 --> 00:59:47,460
Wow, that's a bigger hug
than I was expecting.
1266
00:59:48,252 --> 00:59:49,629
Sorry. I'm happy to see you.
1267
00:59:49,712 --> 00:59:51,297
Yeah. Yeah, me, too.
1268
00:59:51,380 --> 00:59:52,965
Hey.
Oh, hey.
1269
00:59:55,176 --> 00:59:56,385
Good?
Mmm-hmm.
1270
00:59:56,677 --> 00:59:58,012
All right, come on.
Yeah, let's...
1271
00:59:58,096 --> 01:00:00,348
I brought tacos,
so that's cool.
1272
01:00:06,187 --> 01:00:10,942
Hey, boys, this eco-pussy
is going down today.
1273
01:00:26,082 --> 01:00:27,917
It's really not a planet.
It's for sure a planet.
1274
01:00:28,376 --> 01:00:29,794
Pluto is a planet.
1275
01:00:29,877 --> 01:00:30,920
It's ready!
It used to be a planet.
1276
01:00:31,003 --> 01:00:32,046
It's ready.
Not any more.
1277
01:00:37,635 --> 01:00:38,761
I'm embarrassed.
1278
01:00:38,845 --> 01:00:39,804
I always feel
exposed after playing.
1279
01:00:39,887 --> 01:00:41,222
Do not feel exposed.
1280
01:00:41,347 --> 01:00:42,390
I got to use the bathroom.
1281
01:00:42,515 --> 01:00:44,392
Is it in there? ERIC: Yeah,
yeah, right up there, dude.
1282
01:00:44,475 --> 01:00:46,477
All right, all right, all right, all right.
God damn that.
1283
01:00:46,561 --> 01:00:49,021
The mic is live and we can
hear how the other half lives.
1284
01:01:04,078 --> 01:01:05,496
What are you doing?
1285
01:01:05,580 --> 01:01:07,123
I heard something.
1286
01:01:07,206 --> 01:01:09,333
Hey, can
I ask you something? Sit down.
1287
01:01:09,417 --> 01:01:10,585
Okay.
1288
01:01:11,169 --> 01:01:14,172
I just want to make sure that you
and Eric are going to be careful
1289
01:01:14,255 --> 01:01:17,884
with whatever it is that
you're getting involved in.
1290
01:01:19,010 --> 01:01:20,928
Yeah, I promise we will.
1291
01:01:21,012 --> 01:01:23,389
It would just suck
if something bad happened,
1292
01:01:24,891 --> 01:01:26,559
because you're a good guy.
1293
01:01:26,767 --> 01:01:29,854
Yeah, no, I feel
the same way about you,
1294
01:01:29,937 --> 01:01:31,772
except girl version.
1295
01:01:32,106 --> 01:01:33,608
You're a girl.
1296
01:01:34,025 --> 01:01:35,193
I am.
Yeah.
1297
01:01:36,319 --> 01:01:37,528
That's why I put this dress on,
1298
01:01:37,612 --> 01:01:39,030
to remind you.
Exactly.
1299
01:01:39,238 --> 01:01:40,990
Are you excited about the play?
1300
01:01:41,115 --> 01:01:42,116
Yes.
1301
01:01:42,200 --> 01:01:43,242
Yeah, you were just
1302
01:01:43,367 --> 01:01:44,410
right in there with excitement.
Yes.
1303
01:01:44,493 --> 01:01:45,870
No hesitash.
I'm very excited.
1304
01:01:45,953 --> 01:01:47,496
Yeah.
1305
01:01:47,622 --> 01:01:49,207
Does that make me a super nerd?
1306
01:01:49,290 --> 01:01:50,917
No, not at all.
1307
01:01:51,125 --> 01:01:52,418
We get to act together.
1308
01:01:52,501 --> 01:01:55,379
What a vagina. He has
no chance with her.
1309
01:01:55,463 --> 01:01:56,547
So...
1310
01:01:56,631 --> 01:01:57,882
Shit.
Sorry.
1311
01:01:57,965 --> 01:01:59,759
You're on the prom committee.
Mmm-hmm.
1312
01:01:59,842 --> 01:02:01,344
Do you think it's
going to be fun?
1313
01:02:01,594 --> 01:02:02,803
Did she just bring
up prom on her own?
1314
01:02:02,845 --> 01:02:04,639
She did, she just brought up prom.
What is she doing?
1315
01:02:04,722 --> 01:02:06,349
I think it's
going to be awesome.
1316
01:02:06,515 --> 01:02:07,850
Prom eats a dong.
Multiple dongs.
1317
01:02:07,934 --> 01:02:09,018
All right, anyone who says
1318
01:02:09,101 --> 01:02:11,896
they don't care about prom
actually secretly does.
1319
01:02:11,979 --> 01:02:12,980
Who we gonna take to the prom?
1320
01:02:13,064 --> 01:02:14,065
No one's going to prom with us.
1321
01:02:14,148 --> 01:02:15,233
Come on, picture it.
1322
01:02:15,316 --> 01:02:17,401
You pull up in a white
stallion of a limo.
1323
01:02:17,485 --> 01:02:19,111
You got fine-ass
honeys with you.
1324
01:02:19,195 --> 01:02:21,364
You're dressed to the nines
with your best buds.
1325
01:02:21,447 --> 01:02:23,449
Doves fly out behind
you, slow motion.
1326
01:02:23,532 --> 01:02:25,243
Doves. Why doves?
1327
01:02:25,826 --> 01:02:28,955
'Cause doves make you look
like a badass, that's why.
1328
01:02:29,038 --> 01:02:30,748
I am pretty skeptical,
1329
01:02:31,499 --> 01:02:34,585
but maybe,
if someone fun asked me,
1330
01:02:34,669 --> 01:02:36,003
I would go.
1331
01:02:37,713 --> 01:02:40,091
Aren't... Isn't...
Aren't you and Eric...
1332
01:02:40,174 --> 01:02:41,759
Wouldn't you and Eric
go together?
1333
01:02:43,052 --> 01:02:44,720
Not that I know of.
1334
01:02:50,726 --> 01:02:51,852
Uh...
1335
01:02:53,062 --> 01:02:54,188
Would you...
1336
01:02:54,272 --> 01:02:55,314
He's going to choke.
1337
01:02:55,523 --> 01:02:58,067
He always chokes. He's going
to choke, wait for it.
1338
01:02:58,526 --> 01:03:01,445
So would...
1339
01:03:01,696 --> 01:03:03,239
So would...
1340
01:03:04,365 --> 01:03:05,992
Would you...
1341
01:03:07,702 --> 01:03:08,828
Mayb...
1342
01:03:10,037 --> 01:03:11,038
Oh, my God.
Are you okay?
1343
01:03:11,122 --> 01:03:12,248
Yeah.
1344
01:03:12,456 --> 01:03:15,418
That is the actual
sound of choking.
1345
01:03:16,294 --> 01:03:19,380
I was wondering if you...
1346
01:03:20,798 --> 01:03:22,258
Would you
1347
01:03:23,884 --> 01:03:25,553
maybe want to go
1348
01:03:27,555 --> 01:03:28,681
with me to prom?
1349
01:03:28,764 --> 01:03:29,807
Would you want to go to me...
1350
01:03:29,890 --> 01:03:31,017
Maybe with me to prom?
1351
01:03:31,517 --> 01:03:32,560
Yes.
1352
01:03:33,728 --> 01:03:35,688
I would love to go
to prom with you.
1353
01:03:36,397 --> 01:03:38,482
What?
She just said yes!
1354
01:03:38,566 --> 01:03:40,026
Whoa.
Wow.
1355
01:03:40,192 --> 01:03:42,194
Good for you, Doug.
1356
01:03:42,528 --> 01:03:44,405
Thank you for asking.
1357
01:03:52,705 --> 01:03:53,748
Put her there, man.
1358
01:03:53,831 --> 01:03:55,750
Just put...
Put it right there.
1359
01:03:56,042 --> 01:03:59,337
I'm putting it right there.
1360
01:03:59,628 --> 01:04:01,339
Yeah. There you guys are.
1361
01:04:01,422 --> 01:04:02,965
What's up, my man?
1362
01:04:03,049 --> 01:04:04,050
Hi.
How you doing?
1363
01:04:04,133 --> 01:04:05,801
Whazzup?
Yeah.
1364
01:04:06,385 --> 01:04:09,221
Doug...
Okay, settle an argument.
1365
01:04:09,347 --> 01:04:11,057
You and your brother
aren't related, right?
1366
01:04:11,140 --> 01:04:12,350
'Cause you look
totally different.
1367
01:04:12,433 --> 01:04:13,768
He's adopted.
1368
01:04:13,851 --> 01:04:16,103
We all suspect from
a very lame family.
1369
01:04:17,563 --> 01:04:18,814
Where is he tonight?
1370
01:04:18,939 --> 01:04:20,816
Probably at home
with those lame tools
1371
01:04:20,900 --> 01:04:22,693
he hangs outwith.
I don't know.
1372
01:04:22,777 --> 01:04:25,363
You know how Tom Cruise is
always pissed off at Rain Man?
1373
01:04:25,446 --> 01:04:28,991
That's like my life, except
Brad is really shitty at math.
1374
01:04:31,452 --> 01:04:32,912
Your brother's kind of a dick.
1375
01:04:32,995 --> 01:04:34,538
Well, yeah
1376
01:04:36,082 --> 01:04:37,458
he kind of is, isn't he?
1377
01:04:37,583 --> 01:04:38,793
Don't listen to that.
1378
01:04:39,126 --> 01:04:40,878
I don't give a fuck.
1379
01:04:46,967 --> 01:04:49,387
Dude, Eric is
the funniest IM-er.
1380
01:04:56,268 --> 01:04:57,686
Oh, fuck.
1381
01:04:59,480 --> 01:05:01,816
Oh, hey, guys. It's so
funny seeing you here.
1382
01:05:01,899 --> 01:05:03,567
How are you?
Guess what, I don't care.
1383
01:05:03,651 --> 01:05:06,112
We just closed our third
high school operation.
1384
01:05:06,195 --> 01:05:08,114
And check what
we found at Kennedy.
1385
01:05:08,197 --> 01:05:10,783
Looks like we're going to
have to do your job for you.
1386
01:05:10,866 --> 01:05:14,161
Your drugs is spreading to
different schools now, sucker.
1387
01:05:16,414 --> 01:05:20,376
You failed to stop the outbreak,
and you have no leads!
1388
01:05:20,668 --> 01:05:22,503
We are running out of time!
1389
01:05:22,586 --> 01:05:24,338
You either find the supplier,
1390
01:05:24,422 --> 01:05:26,924
or I'm gonna jump your
asses off Jump Street!
1391
01:05:27,007 --> 01:05:28,968
I totally understand where
you're coming from, sir,
1392
01:05:29,051 --> 01:05:31,470
but, look, I heard Eric
talking on the phone yesterday
1393
01:05:31,554 --> 01:05:33,722
with somebody that
sounded very suspect
1394
01:05:33,806 --> 01:05:35,975
about meeting up
with a stuffed piñata.
1395
01:05:37,601 --> 01:05:39,728
Is that a code for sex?
1396
01:05:42,398 --> 01:05:44,275
Piñata? Really?
Yep.
1397
01:05:44,567 --> 01:05:46,235
Remember that wiretap
I put on Eric's phone?
1398
01:05:46,360 --> 01:05:49,029
While you were having the time of your
life last night, I was listening.
1399
01:05:49,155 --> 01:05:51,949
I overheard a phone call between
Eric and some dude about a piñata.
1400
01:05:54,076 --> 01:05:55,202
That's all you heard?
1401
01:05:55,786 --> 01:05:56,871
Yep.
1402
01:06:00,458 --> 01:06:02,042
I am so nervous.
1403
01:06:02,168 --> 01:06:05,212
We are about to premiere
in front of the whole school.
1404
01:06:05,296 --> 01:06:07,756
I apologize in advance
if I throw up on you onstage.
1405
01:06:08,382 --> 01:06:09,967
Serious question, though.
1406
01:06:10,759 --> 01:06:12,261
How do I look?
1407
01:06:12,970 --> 01:06:14,263
Ravishing.
1408
01:06:14,388 --> 01:06:16,807
Is it too sexy of an outfit?
1409
01:06:16,891 --> 01:06:18,184
Bend the knee a little bit.
1410
01:06:18,267 --> 01:06:19,643
Yep, it is.
1411
01:06:21,896 --> 01:06:25,065
Oh, it's going to be so much
easier having you onstage with me.
1412
01:06:25,149 --> 01:06:26,650
I am so happy that I met you.
1413
01:06:26,734 --> 01:06:30,029
You're, like, the only guy
that I can really trust.
1414
01:06:30,112 --> 01:06:32,573
Yep. That's me.
1415
01:06:33,407 --> 01:06:34,492
Doug.
1416
01:06:39,914 --> 01:06:41,582
Potassium nitrate.
1417
01:06:42,458 --> 01:06:45,461
Don't hate.
It's great.
1418
01:06:45,544 --> 01:06:47,338
It can act as an oxidizer.
1419
01:06:47,421 --> 01:06:49,256
I didn't know that,
but now I'm wiser.
1420
01:06:50,758 --> 01:06:53,052
It has a crystalline structure.
1421
01:06:53,135 --> 01:06:55,930
If you can't respect that,
you're a butt muncher.
1422
01:06:56,597 --> 01:06:58,891
It's a key ingredient
in gunpowder.
1423
01:06:59,266 --> 01:07:02,019
K-NO-three,
don't give no grief.
1424
01:07:02,645 --> 01:07:05,314
It can be used to
make corned beef.
1425
01:07:07,107 --> 01:07:09,151
It's also known as saltpeter.
1426
01:07:15,157 --> 01:07:16,283
Brad?
Shit.
1427
01:07:16,367 --> 01:07:18,035
Where are you going?
1428
01:07:18,118 --> 01:07:20,287
I don't want to look like
it's like I'm wearing makeup.
1429
01:07:20,371 --> 01:07:22,081
Right.
Doug! HL
1430
01:07:22,164 --> 01:07:23,541
Brad!
1431
01:07:23,624 --> 01:07:24,833
Whoa. What are you wearing?
1432
01:07:24,917 --> 01:07:26,502
Potassium nitrate.
Thanks for noticing.
1433
01:07:26,752 --> 01:07:27,795
I need to borrow you.
1434
01:07:27,878 --> 01:07:29,547
Now's not a good time, Brad.
1435
01:07:29,672 --> 01:07:31,382
Mmm-hmm.
It's a really good time.
1436
01:07:31,966 --> 01:07:35,636
'Cause my piñata is killing me.
1437
01:07:35,886 --> 01:07:37,721
Is that code for a sex thing?
1438
01:07:37,805 --> 01:07:39,431
It's leaving the parking lot.
1439
01:07:39,515 --> 01:07:41,058
Piñata?
Mmm-hmm.
1440
01:07:42,476 --> 01:07:44,770
Molly, uh,
1441
01:07:44,853 --> 01:07:46,814
I will be right back. I need to
help Brad with something, okay?
1442
01:07:46,897 --> 01:07:48,482
I just need to help Brad
with something real quick.
1443
01:07:48,566 --> 01:07:49,692
What? No. What?
I promise you...
1444
01:07:49,775 --> 01:07:51,527
Do you understand how soon
the show is starting?
1445
01:07:51,610 --> 01:07:53,153
I swear to you I will be
back in time for curtain.
1446
01:07:53,279 --> 01:07:55,114
I swear. I swear to you. Tell
me you understand how soon...
1447
01:07:55,197 --> 01:07:57,157
What? Are you kidding me?
1448
01:07:59,326 --> 01:08:00,911
What did I say?
What did I say?
1449
01:08:00,995 --> 01:08:03,872
See? Whose wiretap is
working for him now, huh?
1450
01:08:13,591 --> 01:08:14,758
Shit.
1451
01:08:15,009 --> 01:08:16,176
Fuck!
1452
01:08:16,677 --> 01:08:18,637
You told me not to
worry about the tickets!
1453
01:08:18,721 --> 01:08:20,889
I thought they
made us look cool.
1454
01:08:20,973 --> 01:08:21,932
Cones, cones...
1455
01:08:22,016 --> 01:08:23,100
Driver's ed car.
1456
01:08:23,183 --> 01:08:24,226
I'm driving.
No, you're not.
1457
01:08:24,351 --> 01:08:25,686
I never get to drive.
I'm driving this time.
1458
01:08:25,853 --> 01:08:27,229
Fine! Drive!
1459
01:08:27,354 --> 01:08:29,273
Hey, guys. Just borrowing
this for one sec.
1460
01:08:29,356 --> 01:08:30,399
Sure.
1461
01:08:30,482 --> 01:08:31,525
Go. Go, go, go, go.
1462
01:08:32,026 --> 01:08:33,611
Guys, hey, wait. Guys,
you're not on the list.
1463
01:08:33,694 --> 01:08:35,988
Hey, guys, wait!
Ah, who cares?
1464
01:08:51,795 --> 01:08:53,756
Holy fucking shit.
No fucking way.
1465
01:08:54,381 --> 01:08:55,716
Those are the guys
from the park.
1466
01:08:55,799 --> 01:08:57,092
That's just too crazy.
1467
01:08:58,385 --> 01:09:00,471
What do you think's
in that thing?
1468
01:09:00,554 --> 01:09:02,222
I don't know, money, drugs.
1469
01:09:02,306 --> 01:09:04,767
They could be a new buyer,
or they could be the supplier.
1470
01:09:04,850 --> 01:09:06,727
If it's good,
you'll hear from me.
1471
01:09:06,810 --> 01:09:08,771
If it's not good,
you'll hear from me
1472
01:09:08,854 --> 01:09:10,314
about telling you
how it's not good.
1473
01:09:10,397 --> 01:09:11,482
Makes sense.
1474
01:09:11,565 --> 01:09:12,608
Get the fuck out of here.
1475
01:09:12,691 --> 01:09:13,984
Yeah, no worries, man.
1476
01:09:14,068 --> 01:09:15,736
I'll see you guys.
1477
01:09:15,819 --> 01:09:18,072
We definitely got to follow
them and find out, though.
1478
01:09:20,574 --> 01:09:22,493
Get down! Get down!
Get down! Get down!
1479
01:09:26,038 --> 01:09:27,206
What are you doing?
If they see us,
1480
01:09:27,289 --> 01:09:28,540
just pretend like
you're sucking my dick.
1481
01:09:28,624 --> 01:09:30,125
What? No!
Yes. Stop.
1482
01:09:30,209 --> 01:09:31,794
You pretend like
you're sucking my dick.
1483
01:09:31,919 --> 01:09:33,504
No, just pretend like
you're sucking my dick.
1484
01:09:33,587 --> 01:09:34,922
Why am I automatically
blowing you?
1485
01:09:35,005 --> 01:09:37,132
'Cause you're in
a fucking Peter Pan costume!
1486
01:09:37,216 --> 01:09:38,300
Okay.
1487
01:09:44,431 --> 01:09:45,557
Okay, let's go.
Let's go, let's go.
1488
01:09:45,599 --> 01:09:47,059
Go, go, go. Okay, fine,
we'll follow them.
1489
01:09:47,142 --> 01:09:49,103
But we need to be back in
30 minutes for curtain.
1490
01:09:55,234 --> 01:09:56,527
Dude, did you just
hit the teacher brake?
1491
01:09:56,610 --> 01:09:57,653
Yeah, you're
following too close, dude.
1492
01:09:57,778 --> 01:09:59,446
They're going to make us.
Well, if I go too far back,
1493
01:09:59,530 --> 01:10:01,365
it's going to look even more
suspicious, so just stop.
1494
01:10:01,448 --> 01:10:02,616
God, just let me do my thing.
1495
01:10:02,741 --> 01:10:04,326
I know what I'm doing.
1496
01:10:06,453 --> 01:10:07,705
Seriously,
if you do that again,
1497
01:10:07,788 --> 01:10:09,081
I'm going to Whac-A-Mole
you in the balls.
1498
01:10:09,164 --> 01:10:10,207
Just stay back.
1499
01:10:10,290 --> 01:10:11,709
I could not be more serious.
1500
01:10:11,792 --> 01:10:13,168
Take your foot off the brake.
1501
01:10:13,252 --> 01:10:15,629
No. I'm not... No.
Take your foot off the brake!
1502
01:10:23,554 --> 01:10:25,013
Oh, shit! Oh, shit!
1503
01:10:25,097 --> 01:10:26,390
Look what you did!
Look what you did!
1504
01:10:26,473 --> 01:10:29,393
What the fuck? You
non-driving motherfuckers!
1505
01:10:29,476 --> 01:10:31,270
Get the fuck out of the car!
1506
01:10:31,353 --> 01:10:32,396
Oh, fuck.
1507
01:10:32,479 --> 01:10:33,939
Lock the door!
Lock the door!
1508
01:10:34,022 --> 01:10:35,149
What do I do?
Go away!
1509
01:10:35,232 --> 01:10:36,483
What are you,
a fucking Keebler Elf?
1510
01:10:37,484 --> 01:10:38,986
Get him out of that car!
1511
01:10:40,904 --> 01:10:42,698
No, no!
It's fucking ZZ Top!
1512
01:10:42,823 --> 01:10:44,491
No, no! No, no, no!
It's fucking ZZ Top!
1513
01:10:44,575 --> 01:10:45,576
Like an angry walrus!
1514
01:10:45,659 --> 01:10:46,910
I stomp the car now!
1515
01:10:46,994 --> 01:10:48,245
Oh, my God!
1516
01:10:49,663 --> 01:10:51,665
Stomp! Stomp!
Oh, shit.
1517
01:10:51,790 --> 01:10:54,042
Okay. Okay.
Oh, my God! Stop, dude! Go!
1518
01:10:57,504 --> 01:10:59,506
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
1519
01:11:02,718 --> 01:11:03,886
Just let me drive!
1520
01:11:03,969 --> 01:11:05,095
Stop hitting me!
1521
01:11:13,437 --> 01:11:14,938
Dude, watch out!
1522
01:11:16,190 --> 01:11:17,441
Will you stop
front-seat driving?
1523
01:11:17,524 --> 01:11:18,734
Get your hands off the wheel!
1524
01:11:18,859 --> 01:11:20,569
Man, you just hit
two people back there!
1525
01:11:20,694 --> 01:11:22,696
You stop. I'm not... Take
your hands off. Shit!
1526
01:11:27,326 --> 01:11:28,660
We're stuck in traffic!
Oh, shit.
1527
01:11:28,702 --> 01:11:30,996
Shit, they're coming!
They're coming! What?
1528
01:11:31,538 --> 01:11:32,831
Oh, my God, dude.
1529
01:11:32,915 --> 01:11:33,999
What do we do?
1530
01:11:34,082 --> 01:11:35,292
What the...
What the...
1531
01:11:35,375 --> 01:11:37,169
Oh, shit. Oh, shit.
1532
01:11:37,252 --> 01:11:38,670
Oh, shit.
1533
01:11:38,712 --> 01:11:40,088
Oh, shit. What's wrong with you?
Run!
1534
01:11:40,172 --> 01:11:42,049
I can't!
I'm wearing tights!
1535
01:11:42,132 --> 01:11:44,510
I got skinny jeans on!
It's the same fucking thing!
1536
01:11:46,553 --> 01:11:48,555
They're going to
make us, or kill us.
1537
01:11:49,890 --> 01:11:51,809
Porsche! Porsche! Police!
Get out of the car, douche!
1538
01:11:51,892 --> 01:11:53,477
I'm on a call here, jackass.
1539
01:11:53,560 --> 01:11:54,978
That's right.
Go to sleep, bitch.
1540
01:11:55,062 --> 01:11:56,855
You just got head-butted,
motherfucker!
1541
01:11:56,939 --> 01:11:58,190
Go, go, go, go, go, go! Shit.
1542
01:12:02,152 --> 01:12:04,071
Check around for a gun
or something, all right?
1543
01:12:04,154 --> 01:12:05,489
Where? Where? There's
no glove compartment
1544
01:12:05,572 --> 01:12:08,659
in this shitty-ass car!
There's golf balls and this.
1545
01:12:08,784 --> 01:12:10,661
What am I supposed to do with this?
I don't know, man!
1546
01:12:10,744 --> 01:12:12,371
I've never been in
a freeway chase before!
1547
01:12:26,969 --> 01:12:30,013
Watch out! It's going to explode!
It's going to go!
1548
01:12:30,889 --> 01:12:32,641
What happened?
I don't know.
1549
01:12:32,766 --> 01:12:34,017
It just didn't explode.
That's weird.
1550
01:12:36,728 --> 01:12:39,398
Can anybody
tell me where my Peter is?
1551
01:12:40,023 --> 01:12:41,692
French!
You're not my first choice,
1552
01:12:41,817 --> 01:12:43,527
but I need you
to go on as Peter.
1553
01:12:43,610 --> 01:12:45,737
Oh, gosh. And I've been in
character for months now.
1554
01:12:45,821 --> 01:12:47,573
Great. Nobody cares.
1555
01:12:48,115 --> 01:12:49,867
Come on!
Another traffic jam?
1556
01:12:51,034 --> 01:12:52,995
I'm sorry I didn't
check the traffic report
1557
01:12:53,120 --> 01:12:54,913
before we got in a car chase!
Let's go! Come on!
1558
01:12:55,038 --> 01:12:57,332
Come on. Let's go, let's go, let's go!
1559
01:12:57,416 --> 01:12:58,417
Shit!
1560
01:12:59,751 --> 01:13:00,752
Are you texting?
1561
01:13:00,878 --> 01:13:01,879
No, I'm not texting!
1562
01:13:01,962 --> 01:13:03,046
Yes, you are!
You're texting!
1563
01:13:03,130 --> 01:13:04,131
No, I'm not!
1564
01:13:04,214 --> 01:13:05,215
Okay, almost done.
1565
01:13:07,009 --> 01:13:08,135
"LOL."
1566
01:13:10,345 --> 01:13:11,722
I'm driving!
1567
01:13:11,805 --> 01:13:13,640
Why do you always jump
over the car like that?
1568
01:13:13,724 --> 01:13:14,933
Hi. Hi. How are you?
1569
01:13:15,017 --> 01:13:16,393
Hi.
God damn, you are beautiful.
1570
01:13:16,476 --> 01:13:18,729
Oh. Hi.
You are fine as shit.
1571
01:13:18,812 --> 01:13:20,105
Don't worry.
Someone will pick you up.
1572
01:13:20,188 --> 01:13:22,024
Wow.
Hurry. Just drive.
1573
01:13:22,149 --> 01:13:23,650
Wait. Pick me up?
1574
01:13:27,070 --> 01:13:28,739
They're coming! They're coming!
I got an idea.
1575
01:13:28,822 --> 01:13:29,823
Why don't you text them
1576
01:13:29,907 --> 01:13:30,991
and ask them to
stop chasing us?
1577
01:13:36,788 --> 01:13:38,206
Oh, shit!
1578
01:13:40,667 --> 01:13:41,752
He's got a gun!
1579
01:13:41,835 --> 01:13:42,794
I'm going to throw
this thing at him!
1580
01:13:42,878 --> 01:13:43,962
Okay, you don't have
to narrate everything!
1581
01:13:44,046 --> 01:13:45,422
Just throw it!
Okay! Okay, okay!
1582
01:14:01,813 --> 01:14:03,398
It's going to explode! Oh, my God!
Roll up the windows!
1583
01:14:03,523 --> 01:14:04,650
What the fuck is that going to do?
Roll it up!
1584
01:14:04,775 --> 01:14:05,901
I don't fucking care! Just do it!
Oh, God!
1585
01:14:10,364 --> 01:14:11,490
Huh?
1586
01:14:12,616 --> 01:14:15,243
I really thought that one
was going to explode.
1587
01:14:21,583 --> 01:14:22,834
Oh, shit!
1588
01:14:25,295 --> 01:14:26,630
Look in the glove
compartment for a gun.
1589
01:14:26,713 --> 01:14:28,340
What are you talking about?
We're in a pink Bug!
1590
01:14:28,423 --> 01:14:31,426
I don't care. Look in the
goddamn glove compartment!
1591
01:14:31,510 --> 01:14:33,011
What the hell?
1592
01:14:37,391 --> 01:14:39,226
Shoot
Oh, my God. Okay! Okay!
1593
01:14:39,309 --> 01:14:41,186
Shoot the gun!
Shoot the gun!
1594
01:14:41,269 --> 01:14:43,355
Can't get a good shot, man!
I can't get a good shot!
1595
01:14:43,480 --> 01:14:45,065
Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.
Take the shot!
1596
01:14:45,232 --> 01:14:46,483
Take the shot! Just shoot him!
Let's go!
1597
01:14:46,566 --> 01:14:47,901
Shit, shit, shit, shit,
shit, shit, shit.
1598
01:14:48,026 --> 01:14:49,361
Shoot! Shoot!
Shit, shit...
1599
01:15:05,544 --> 01:15:07,921
That's what exploded?
Holy shit. That was crazy.
1600
01:15:08,005 --> 01:15:09,423
Why did you shoot for me?
1601
01:15:09,756 --> 01:15:11,174
You weren't shooting,
you were choking,
1602
01:15:11,258 --> 01:15:12,759
so I had to save us.
I was going to shoot.
1603
01:15:12,884 --> 01:15:14,177
You always do this,
every single time.
1604
01:15:14,261 --> 01:15:15,220
What?
1605
01:15:15,303 --> 01:15:17,014
Seriously, just take
me back to school, man.
1606
01:15:17,097 --> 01:15:18,682
If I miss this play,
Molly's going to freak out
1607
01:15:18,765 --> 01:15:20,475
and she's not going
to go to prom with me.
1608
01:15:20,600 --> 01:15:22,602
Are you fucking serious right now?
Fuck, yes, I'm serious!
1609
01:15:26,064 --> 01:15:29,151
Can't believe you made me late.
You're so selfish.
1610
01:15:29,276 --> 01:15:31,153
I'm selfish?
Yes, you're selfish!
1611
01:15:31,278 --> 01:15:32,362
Are you fucking kidding me?
1612
01:15:32,446 --> 01:15:33,864
Look at yourself!
1613
01:15:34,948 --> 01:15:36,783
You're in too deep, man.
1614
01:15:37,367 --> 01:15:39,661
Yesterday, I found a college
application on your desk!
1615
01:15:39,786 --> 01:15:41,955
I don't know how long this
case is going to last.
1616
01:15:42,080 --> 01:15:43,623
And Eric's going to
get into Berkeley,
1617
01:15:43,707 --> 01:15:45,625
and, honestly,
I can get in, too.
1618
01:15:45,709 --> 01:15:46,918
Who knows? I could
ride this thing out.
1619
01:15:47,002 --> 01:15:48,378
I could be
a doctor or something.
1620
01:15:48,462 --> 01:15:49,796
Have you lost
your fucking mind?
1621
01:15:49,921 --> 01:15:52,132
You screwed this
investigation all up.
1622
01:15:52,716 --> 01:15:54,760
At least I know my Miranda
rights, you idiot.
1623
01:16:00,015 --> 01:16:02,309
You are a very
silly man indeed.
1624
01:16:02,392 --> 01:16:04,519
Boys, squaws, come quickly.
1625
01:16:04,603 --> 01:16:08,106
Hey! Sorry!
It's okay. I'm here.
1626
01:16:08,648 --> 01:16:10,358
I know I missed
the first few scenes.
1627
01:16:10,442 --> 01:16:12,819
I want to thank... Give
it up to French Samuels
1628
01:16:12,903 --> 01:16:14,154
for ably backing me up.
1629
01:16:14,237 --> 01:16:16,239
Fuck you, Doug!
What?
1630
01:16:16,323 --> 01:16:18,325
I say we just roll
right into this thing, huh?
1631
01:16:20,952 --> 01:16:22,996
This is my twin.
We're together in...
1632
01:16:23,121 --> 01:16:24,331
Get the fuck out of here.
1633
01:16:25,499 --> 01:16:28,001
What are you doing? Have you
completely lost your mind?
1634
01:16:28,335 --> 01:16:29,544
What is this?
1635
01:16:29,628 --> 01:16:31,922
I don't know, but it's
already more exciting.
1636
01:16:32,005 --> 01:16:33,465
You're embarrassing me.
1637
01:16:33,548 --> 01:16:34,800
It's okay.
I'll make it up to you.
1638
01:16:35,425 --> 01:16:38,011
And... Let's fly!
1639
01:16:41,765 --> 01:16:43,850
- Such bullshit!
- Get off of me!
1640
01:16:46,144 --> 01:16:48,438
I'm not dumb!
I'm smart!
1641
01:16:48,522 --> 01:16:50,482
You think I'm stupid?
You're stupid!
1642
01:16:50,565 --> 01:16:51,858
Go, Doug!
1643
01:16:52,025 --> 01:16:53,318
I guess I should do something.
1644
01:16:53,401 --> 01:16:55,112
I should probably not
just stand here watching.
1645
01:16:55,195 --> 01:16:56,571
I should take action.
1646
01:16:56,655 --> 01:16:58,031
Worst best friend ever!
1647
01:17:03,787 --> 01:17:04,955
Molly, I'm sorry!
1648
01:17:05,288 --> 01:17:06,957
I don't want to
talk to you ever again.
1649
01:17:07,040 --> 01:17:08,208
I'm sorry.
1650
01:17:14,172 --> 01:17:15,257
You stupid idiot!
1651
01:17:20,887 --> 01:17:22,639
Come here!
Come on!
1652
01:17:29,187 --> 01:17:31,898
Make fun of me behind my back
and everybody laughs at me?
1653
01:17:32,023 --> 01:17:35,318
I was a loser for four years! You
couldn't handle it for five minutes!
1654
01:17:35,402 --> 01:17:37,529
Have some fairy dust,
motherfucker!
1655
01:17:40,740 --> 01:17:41,825
Hey, guys, no!
1656
01:17:43,285 --> 01:17:46,246
I heard you call me
Rain Man, you asshole!
1657
01:17:46,329 --> 01:17:48,248
Principal Dadier sucks dick!
1658
01:17:51,418 --> 01:17:52,878
You're supposed
to be my friend!
1659
01:17:52,961 --> 01:17:56,631
Stop! Stop it. You're expelled.
Both of you are expelled.
1660
01:18:00,051 --> 01:18:02,012
And that's the end of Act Two.
1661
01:18:21,948 --> 01:18:24,951
Is that it? You're not
going to scream at us?
1662
01:18:25,619 --> 01:18:26,786
Nope.
1663
01:18:27,913 --> 01:18:29,497
I'm gonna just fire you.
1664
01:19:18,922 --> 01:19:20,465
Moving out?
1665
01:19:20,548 --> 01:19:21,758
Yep.
1666
01:19:24,344 --> 01:19:26,429
You know what's crazy to me
1667
01:19:26,972 --> 01:19:29,307
is that I think that I actually
thought that we were brothers.
1668
01:19:31,309 --> 01:19:33,687
I would've tooken
a bullet for you.
1669
01:19:40,527 --> 01:19:42,946
Get in now.
Both of you.
1670
01:19:43,029 --> 01:19:44,155
Why should I?
1671
01:19:45,156 --> 01:19:46,157
Just get in the car, man.
1672
01:19:46,533 --> 01:19:48,618
Get in the fucking car.
1673
01:19:48,702 --> 01:19:50,161
Nope, not until you ask nicely.
1674
01:19:51,997 --> 01:19:53,623
Please get in the car.
1675
01:19:58,420 --> 01:20:00,922
Come on, you guys.
Come on. Please. Jesus.
1676
01:20:02,924 --> 01:20:05,135
Some messed up shit
went down yesterday.
1677
01:20:05,468 --> 01:20:07,137
Yeah, after we made
the exchange,
1678
01:20:07,220 --> 01:20:08,430
our potential business partners
1679
01:20:08,513 --> 01:20:10,724
got followed by
some fucking cops.
1680
01:20:10,807 --> 01:20:12,225
That's insane, man.
1681
01:20:12,350 --> 01:20:13,643
Are you serious?
1682
01:20:13,727 --> 01:20:15,854
Okay, it's just I
don't want to go to jail!
1683
01:20:15,937 --> 01:20:18,315
You know what happens to a
handsome guy like me in jail?
1684
01:20:18,398 --> 01:20:20,150
It rhymes with "grape"!
1685
01:20:20,817 --> 01:20:22,277
It rhymes with "grape."
1686
01:20:23,236 --> 01:20:24,529
I can't let that happen.
1687
01:20:24,612 --> 01:20:25,739
So I got these from
my dad's gun cabinet.
1688
01:20:25,822 --> 01:20:27,490
Eric, Eric, Eric, Eric.
Whoa. Come on. Whoa.
1689
01:20:27,574 --> 01:20:31,369
Springfield .45s, police issue.
Very powerful guns.
1690
01:20:31,995 --> 01:20:33,621
You ever use one?
1691
01:20:34,414 --> 01:20:37,000
We're not really gun people, man.
No. No?
1692
01:20:38,501 --> 01:20:40,378
A lot of things have made
me wonder about you.
1693
01:20:40,462 --> 01:20:41,504
Come on.
1694
01:20:42,047 --> 01:20:44,007
Your taste in music.
1695
01:20:44,090 --> 01:20:46,760
The fact that you look like
a fucking 40-year-old man.
1696
01:20:47,385 --> 01:20:50,680
Then after that shit
at the play, I realized
1697
01:20:53,391 --> 01:20:56,019
there's no way you
guys could be cops.
1698
01:20:57,187 --> 01:20:58,355
Oh.
1699
01:20:58,438 --> 01:20:59,731
Yeah, I got this
deal going down.
1700
01:20:59,814 --> 01:21:01,024
The supplier's
going to be there.
1701
01:21:01,107 --> 01:21:03,318
I need people I can trust.
1702
01:21:05,111 --> 01:21:06,571
All right.
All right, come on.
1703
01:21:06,654 --> 01:21:08,323
Okay, right over here, we're
going to shoot these bottles.
1704
01:21:08,448 --> 01:21:09,783
We're going to practice, okay?
Okay.
1705
01:21:20,293 --> 01:21:23,254
That was... That was actually
really fuckin' awesome.
1706
01:21:23,338 --> 01:21:24,589
Beginner's luck.
1707
01:21:24,672 --> 01:21:26,007
All right.
1708
01:21:26,091 --> 01:21:27,717
The supplier wants the deal
to go down at prom.
1709
01:21:27,801 --> 01:21:29,302
All right, there's going to be
all these heavies there,
1710
01:21:29,427 --> 01:21:30,929
but as long as you
guys have my back...
1711
01:21:31,012 --> 01:21:32,847
Yeah? Yeah? Shit.
1712
01:21:32,931 --> 01:21:34,682
I always got your back.
1713
01:21:35,683 --> 01:21:37,727
Time to get our jobs back.
1714
01:21:40,063 --> 01:21:41,356
Let's get ready for prom.
1715
01:21:56,329 --> 01:21:58,540
Schmidty! Chore time!
1716
01:21:58,665 --> 01:22:00,959
Mom, we don't have time
for chores right now!
1717
01:22:01,042 --> 01:22:04,879
If you stay in this house,
you have time for chores!
1718
01:22:04,963 --> 01:22:06,256
Mom! Ugh!
1719
01:22:21,980 --> 01:22:23,815
Fuck this thing.
1720
01:22:29,404 --> 01:22:30,572
Here.
Huh?
1721
01:22:30,697 --> 01:22:32,740
It'll be quicker if I help.
1722
01:22:34,909 --> 01:22:35,994
There you go.
1723
01:22:37,579 --> 01:22:38,830
Thanks.
1724
01:22:44,878 --> 01:22:47,088
Your shotgun's hanging too low.
1725
01:22:47,172 --> 01:22:48,798
They're gonna see it.
1726
01:22:52,051 --> 01:22:53,219
Thanks.
1727
01:23:00,852 --> 01:23:02,312
Jenko, uh...
1728
01:23:07,734 --> 01:23:09,861
Will you go to prom with me?
1729
01:23:14,032 --> 01:23:15,366
I guess.
1730
01:23:17,577 --> 01:23:19,037
Are we really
going to take down
1731
01:23:19,120 --> 01:23:21,206
a whole drug operation
by ourselves?
1732
01:23:23,416 --> 01:23:26,127
I got some contacts
that'll help us.
1733
01:24:07,877 --> 01:24:10,213
Brad, what are you doing here?
You can't be here.
1734
01:24:10,296 --> 01:24:11,381
What if the principal sees you?
1735
01:24:11,464 --> 01:24:12,549
This is wrong, yet so right.
1736
01:24:12,632 --> 01:24:13,675
What?
1737
01:24:13,800 --> 01:24:16,052
I am so happy you're willing
to get in trouble for me.
1738
01:24:16,135 --> 01:24:18,680
You have to go. Please,
don't leave me ever.
1739
01:24:18,805 --> 01:24:20,014
Ms. Griggs, stop. Stop.
1740
01:24:20,098 --> 01:24:21,474
Stay! Stay.
Stop.
1741
01:24:21,599 --> 01:24:23,226
What?
Stay.
1742
01:24:23,601 --> 01:24:24,602
Go!
Okay.
1743
01:24:24,686 --> 01:24:25,937
Stay.
Stop. Stop.
1744
01:24:26,020 --> 01:24:27,730
I'm lost without you.
What?
1745
01:24:29,315 --> 01:24:30,817
Get out of me.
I'm going to throw up.
1746
01:24:31,484 --> 01:24:32,819
You are so hot!
1747
01:24:35,029 --> 01:24:36,114
All right.
1748
01:24:41,703 --> 01:24:43,246
Hey, pumpkin head.
1749
01:24:43,329 --> 01:24:45,665
I'm very mad at you.
Dance with me.
1750
01:24:45,748 --> 01:24:47,709
Are you on that shit?
So what if I am?
1751
01:24:47,834 --> 01:24:50,753
Look, Molly, some serious
stuff is about to go down,
1752
01:24:50,837 --> 01:24:53,047
and I don't want
you to get hurt.
1753
01:24:53,131 --> 01:24:55,550
I've already been hurt, Doug.
I don't care.
1754
01:24:55,675 --> 01:24:57,927
You need to leave.
You need to leave.
1755
01:24:58,011 --> 01:24:59,596
You need to get out
of here right now.
1756
01:24:59,679 --> 01:25:01,431
Making a lot of hand gestures!
1757
01:25:03,099 --> 01:25:04,225
Okay, my name's not Doug.
1758
01:25:04,309 --> 01:25:05,602
It's Schmidt.
What?
1759
01:25:05,685 --> 01:25:07,270
And I'm a cop.
What?
1760
01:25:07,353 --> 01:25:09,522
Okay, and I care about you,
1761
01:25:09,606 --> 01:25:11,065
and I don't want you
to get busted,
1762
01:25:11,149 --> 01:25:13,276
so you have to leave right now.
1763
01:25:13,359 --> 01:25:15,028
Leave the prom
right now, Molly.
1764
01:25:15,111 --> 01:25:16,613
I'm serious.
Hey. Hey.
1765
01:25:16,696 --> 01:25:17,989
Penthouse now.
Supplier's waiting.
1766
01:25:18,072 --> 01:25:19,282
What are you?
Come on. Hey, come on.
1767
01:25:19,365 --> 01:25:20,867
Supplier's waiting.
Is that Eric?
1768
01:25:20,950 --> 01:25:22,994
Molly, leave right now.
What are you...
1769
01:25:23,077 --> 01:25:24,120
Just leave right now!
1770
01:25:24,203 --> 01:25:25,496
What is this?
1771
01:25:39,719 --> 01:25:40,803
Mr. Walters?
1772
01:25:41,679 --> 01:25:42,680
Hey!
1773
01:25:42,764 --> 01:25:45,266
Beautiful Brad,
and his brother.
1774
01:25:45,350 --> 01:25:46,684
Wow. You look great.
1775
01:25:46,768 --> 01:25:48,269
You're the supplier?
You're a teacher.
1776
01:25:48,353 --> 01:25:49,979
And I was stuck on
a teacher's salary, bro.
1777
01:25:50,063 --> 01:25:51,314
Could barely pay my alimony.
1778
01:25:51,397 --> 01:25:52,899
What are you gonna do? Ha!
1779
01:25:53,566 --> 01:25:54,567
Oh, yeah.
1780
01:25:54,692 --> 01:25:56,486
You boys are so good at this.
1781
01:25:56,569 --> 01:25:58,154
Oh, yeah, Cinnamon!
1782
01:25:58,237 --> 01:26:00,823
Oh, my God, we're getting
such good evidence.
1783
01:26:00,907 --> 01:26:02,659
I stole some of
that Bunsen burner crap
1784
01:26:02,742 --> 01:26:05,036
from the chem lab, threw
in some of my Cool Deets,
1785
01:26:05,119 --> 01:26:07,080
and it was muy delicioso!
1786
01:26:07,163 --> 01:26:09,415
Then one day I catch
Eco Butt-munch over here
1787
01:26:09,499 --> 01:26:11,250
smoking a J.J.
behind the field house,
1788
01:26:11,334 --> 01:26:13,211
and I'm like, "Hey, you
want to make some coin?"
1789
01:26:13,294 --> 01:26:15,254
What a green penis
that guy is, huh?
1790
01:26:17,131 --> 01:26:18,299
There's my quesadilla.
1791
01:26:19,759 --> 01:26:21,427
I hurt my hands!
1792
01:26:22,428 --> 01:26:23,429
Bitch.
1793
01:26:30,770 --> 01:26:31,938
Oh, shit.
1794
01:26:32,021 --> 01:26:34,357
You guys look crazy scary.
1795
01:26:34,440 --> 01:26:35,525
How many of you are there?
1796
01:26:35,817 --> 01:26:36,859
A lot.
1797
01:26:36,943 --> 01:26:38,111
Karl.
1798
01:26:38,611 --> 01:26:39,862
Patch looks pimp, man.
1799
01:26:40,446 --> 01:26:41,781
Thank you.
1800
01:26:42,532 --> 01:26:44,033
He's gonna recognize us, man.
1801
01:26:44,117 --> 01:26:45,576
I'm freaking out.
1802
01:26:45,660 --> 01:26:47,286
This is Walters,
he made the stuff.
1803
01:26:47,745 --> 01:26:48,746
Real pleasure to meet you.
1804
01:26:48,830 --> 01:26:49,872
Fuck what his name is.
1805
01:26:49,956 --> 01:26:51,207
Your shit's good.
1806
01:26:51,290 --> 01:26:52,250
Thank you.
1807
01:26:52,333 --> 01:26:53,334
That means a lot
coming from you.
1808
01:26:53,418 --> 01:26:54,544
What, you having a party now?
1809
01:26:54,627 --> 01:26:56,462
Who are these
two motherfuckers?
1810
01:26:56,546 --> 01:26:57,547
Fuck!
1811
01:26:59,340 --> 01:27:01,175
Hey.
Hey. How's it going?
1812
01:27:02,176 --> 01:27:04,011
Nah, nah, it's cool,
man, they're my boys, so...
1813
01:27:04,470 --> 01:27:05,471
Are they?
Yeah.
1814
01:27:05,596 --> 01:27:06,973
I don't like strangers.
1815
01:27:07,265 --> 01:27:08,599
How do you ever expect
1816
01:27:08,683 --> 01:27:09,976
to make any new friends
with that attitude?
1817
01:27:10,059 --> 01:27:11,436
It's, like,
everyone's a stranger
1818
01:27:11,519 --> 01:27:12,895
till you give
them a chance, man.
1819
01:27:12,979 --> 01:27:14,397
What the fuck are
you talking about?
1820
01:27:14,480 --> 01:27:15,481
I don't even...
1821
01:27:15,565 --> 01:27:17,150
Just fuckin' around.
1822
01:27:17,608 --> 01:27:19,193
Do your thing, man. Proceed.
1823
01:27:21,195 --> 01:27:22,488
Hey, kid, come here.
1824
01:27:22,613 --> 01:27:24,657
You, you look familiar.
1825
01:27:25,366 --> 01:27:26,659
Me?
Yeah.
1826
01:27:27,577 --> 01:27:31,164
I was in a French fry
commercial when I was a kid,
1827
01:27:31,247 --> 01:27:33,624
so people are like, you know, often
say, "Oh, I think I know you,"
1828
01:27:33,708 --> 01:27:35,835
but I don't think
we've ever met before.
1829
01:27:35,918 --> 01:27:38,129
Do I look like I
eat French fries?
1830
01:27:38,212 --> 01:27:40,256
I don't know, you look like
you're in great shape,
1831
01:27:40,339 --> 01:27:42,091
but maybe you have,
like, one cheat day,
1832
01:27:42,175 --> 01:27:44,635
like a carb blowout, you know?
I don't know.
1833
01:27:44,719 --> 01:27:45,887
Nah.
1834
01:27:46,012 --> 01:27:47,388
Yeah, the theme song
was, like...
1835
01:28:02,612 --> 01:28:04,030
That's my quesadilla!
1836
01:28:04,113 --> 01:28:05,239
Who wants a piece? Huh?
1837
01:28:05,323 --> 01:28:07,158
I know you're in there,
Doug, or whatever your name is!
1838
01:28:07,241 --> 01:28:08,284
You lied to me!
1839
01:28:10,620 --> 01:28:13,873
I'm gonna kill you,
you stupid fucking cop!
1840
01:28:13,956 --> 01:28:15,291
Hey, you guys,
she just called me
1841
01:28:15,374 --> 01:28:16,709
a stupid fucking cock.
That's rude.
1842
01:28:16,834 --> 01:28:19,212
Dickhead narc motherfucker!
1843
01:28:19,295 --> 01:28:22,215
Did she just say "nickhead
dark motherfucker"?
1844
01:28:22,298 --> 01:28:23,633
That's just racist.
1845
01:28:23,716 --> 01:28:25,176
I know these two.
1846
01:28:25,259 --> 01:28:26,928
Your boys are cops!
They're cops!
1847
01:28:27,053 --> 01:28:28,221
Police! Get on the ground!
1848
01:28:28,304 --> 01:28:30,223
You get on the fuckin' ground!
1849
01:28:30,306 --> 01:28:32,266
We asked you first!
I don't give a damn!
1850
01:28:32,350 --> 01:28:34,018
You're fucking cops?
1851
01:28:34,101 --> 01:28:35,937
But we partied together, man.
1852
01:28:36,771 --> 01:28:38,564
You bought us Taco Bell.
1853
01:28:38,689 --> 01:28:40,983
Eric, honestly,
that was a sincere gesture.
1854
01:28:41,067 --> 01:28:42,568
You made me this
friendship bracelet.
1855
01:28:42,693 --> 01:28:43,820
Well, he's not
really your friend.
1856
01:28:43,903 --> 01:28:45,488
He was pretending
the whole time.
1857
01:28:45,571 --> 01:28:47,281
I'm gonna cut this the
fuck off later, all right?
1858
01:28:48,449 --> 01:28:50,576
What the fuck is going on?
1859
01:28:50,660 --> 01:28:52,286
Shut this kid up!
1860
01:28:53,871 --> 01:28:55,456
Him, too.
No, no! Hey, wait!
1861
01:28:55,540 --> 01:28:56,707
No, no, no.
Listen, I'm with you guys!
1862
01:28:56,791 --> 01:28:57,917
I didn't know
these guys were cops!
1863
01:28:58,000 --> 01:28:59,252
I'm getting out of here.
1864
01:28:59,335 --> 01:29:00,753
I fucking hate you!
1865
01:29:00,878 --> 01:29:02,088
Get that out of my face!
1866
01:29:02,171 --> 01:29:04,090
Molly!
Oh, there you are!
1867
01:29:05,174 --> 01:29:06,175
What the fuck!
1868
01:29:06,259 --> 01:29:08,719
Drop your guns, or I'll spray
her brains all over the room!
1869
01:29:08,803 --> 01:29:11,180
Trying to take a hostage,
some goddamn TV show shit?
1870
01:29:11,264 --> 01:29:12,849
I don't know! I'm
trying to help, all right?
1871
01:29:12,932 --> 01:29:14,308
I've never done
this shit before.
1872
01:29:14,392 --> 01:29:15,434
Well, you're fucking up.
1873
01:29:15,518 --> 01:29:16,769
Drop the guns or she's dead!
1874
01:29:16,936 --> 01:29:18,187
She looks dead already.
1875
01:29:18,563 --> 01:29:19,814
What? No.
1876
01:29:19,981 --> 01:29:21,524
Oh, Jesus.
1877
01:29:22,483 --> 01:29:24,026
Yeah, I can hear her breathing.
1878
01:29:24,110 --> 01:29:26,320
She just passed out from the drugs.
We're good.
1879
01:29:26,404 --> 01:29:27,488
Drop the guns or...
1880
01:29:27,572 --> 01:29:29,156
All right, all right,
just chill out.
1881
01:29:29,240 --> 01:29:30,950
We're gonna drop our guns.
1882
01:29:31,033 --> 01:29:34,203
You got to let the kids go,
and no one's gonna die, okay?
1883
01:29:34,287 --> 01:29:36,372
Just drop the guns,
and kick them over here.
1884
01:29:37,707 --> 01:29:40,084
D.B., shoot these
motherfuckers.
1885
01:29:40,167 --> 01:29:42,545
Oh, come on, that's unfair! We
put our guns down in good faith.
1886
01:29:42,628 --> 01:29:44,297
You're a liar, and you're mean!
1887
01:29:45,047 --> 01:29:46,883
That's unfair.
We're all friends here.
1888
01:29:47,216 --> 01:29:49,343
Let's just relax, and we
can all leave here as friends.
1889
01:29:49,427 --> 01:29:50,469
Yeah, let's do that.
1890
01:29:50,553 --> 01:29:51,721
Y'all boys are stupid.
1891
01:29:52,179 --> 01:29:55,433
Oh, my God, we're gonna die.
We're gonna die.
1892
01:29:56,142 --> 01:29:57,268
God damn it!
1893
01:29:57,602 --> 01:29:59,478
Tom Hanson, DEA!
On your knees!
1894
01:29:59,562 --> 01:30:00,605
What the fuck?
1895
01:30:00,688 --> 01:30:02,565
Now!
Fuck!
1896
01:30:02,648 --> 01:30:04,734
Doug Penhall, DEA!
You're under arrest!
1897
01:30:04,817 --> 01:30:06,944
Guns down, all of you!
Domingo, tell them!
1898
01:30:07,236 --> 01:30:09,822
Put them down.
1899
01:30:09,947 --> 01:30:11,449
Nice! Yes!
1900
01:30:11,866 --> 01:30:13,534
Shut the fuck up!
1901
01:30:14,243 --> 01:30:16,871
You little dweebs just ruined
a five-year investigation.
1902
01:30:16,954 --> 01:30:18,080
We had no idea.
1903
01:30:18,164 --> 01:30:19,540
You're, like,
an amazing actor, man.
1904
01:30:19,790 --> 01:30:22,126
You played saxophone
at my sister's wedding, man!
1905
01:30:22,209 --> 01:30:23,711
Tough titty.
I fucked her, too.
1906
01:30:24,045 --> 01:30:25,212
What?
1907
01:30:25,296 --> 01:30:26,589
You little turds.
1908
01:30:26,672 --> 01:30:28,049
Do you have any idea
how difficult it is
1909
01:30:28,132 --> 01:30:29,467
to infiltrate a gang like this?
1910
01:30:32,845 --> 01:30:34,221
Do you see this nose?
1911
01:30:34,555 --> 01:30:35,890
That is a fake nose.
1912
01:30:36,015 --> 01:30:37,934
Do you want to wear a fake
nose on your fuckin' head
1913
01:30:38,017 --> 01:30:39,852
for, like, months on end?
Glue and shit?
1914
01:30:41,020 --> 01:30:42,271
Worse things in the world.
1915
01:30:42,355 --> 01:30:44,607
We had to get fuckin' tattoos
on our dicks, man.
1916
01:30:44,690 --> 01:30:46,567
Hey, actually, I just said that
1917
01:30:46,651 --> 01:30:48,319
to mess with you.
What?
1918
01:30:48,402 --> 01:30:49,779
Looks tough.
1919
01:30:49,862 --> 01:30:52,531
Look, we know what
it's like being undercover.
1920
01:30:52,615 --> 01:30:53,824
Metro Police,
Jump Street Division.
1921
01:30:53,908 --> 01:30:54,992
Come on,
you guys are Jump Street?
1922
01:30:55,076 --> 01:30:56,118
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
1923
01:30:56,202 --> 01:30:58,162
That's funny, because
we were actually Jump Street.
1924
01:30:58,245 --> 01:30:59,705
What?
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
1925
01:30:59,914 --> 01:31:01,290
Oh, shit!
1926
01:31:01,374 --> 01:31:03,209
Oh, my God!
Oh, shit.
1927
01:31:03,292 --> 01:31:04,293
Oh, my God, dude!
1928
01:31:04,377 --> 01:31:05,628
Get them!
1929
01:31:05,711 --> 01:31:07,338
Motherfucker!
1930
01:31:09,507 --> 01:31:10,883
Shoot them!
1931
01:31:12,301 --> 01:31:13,302
Fuck that.
1932
01:31:24,730 --> 01:31:25,731
That was a gun.
1933
01:31:25,856 --> 01:31:27,066
Somebody definitely got shot.
1934
01:31:31,070 --> 01:31:32,071
All right.
1935
01:31:33,114 --> 01:31:35,574
Here, take the money, all right?
We're getting out of here.
1936
01:31:45,209 --> 01:31:46,210
Did I hit anything?
1937
01:31:46,502 --> 01:31:47,920
You were shooting at
the fuckin' ceiling.
1938
01:31:48,879 --> 01:31:49,964
Doug.
1939
01:31:51,048 --> 01:31:53,968
I know sometimes I
was a jerk to you
1940
01:31:54,552 --> 01:31:55,970
when we were undercover.
1941
01:32:01,308 --> 01:32:04,270
It's just... I didn't
feel good about myself.
1942
01:32:04,979 --> 01:32:10,109
All that stuff I wore, like the
bracelets, the rings, the tight pants,
1943
01:32:11,569 --> 01:32:12,862
was just so
1944
01:32:12,945 --> 01:32:15,364
that people
would think I'm cool.
1945
01:32:16,115 --> 01:32:17,533
The only approval
1946
01:32:18,617 --> 01:32:20,327
that I ever needed
1947
01:32:22,580 --> 01:32:23,664
was my best friend.
1948
01:32:24,206 --> 01:32:25,958
Thanks, man.
1949
01:32:44,977 --> 01:32:46,562
The money's gone!
1950
01:32:46,645 --> 01:32:48,022
Come on, let's roll.
1951
01:32:48,147 --> 01:32:49,440
We gotta get out of here, man.
1952
01:32:49,523 --> 01:32:50,775
Are you telling me it's on?
1953
01:32:51,233 --> 01:32:52,985
Let's do this.
Let's make a baby.
1954
01:32:53,360 --> 01:32:54,820
What? What are you talking about?
I don't know.
1955
01:32:54,945 --> 01:32:56,489
I was trying to sound cool.
Sorry.
1956
01:33:47,665 --> 01:33:50,417
That was crazy!
You killed a guy!
1957
01:33:51,460 --> 01:33:53,212
Oh, fuckin' shit!
1958
01:33:55,172 --> 01:33:57,007
Hey, hey, we'll lose
them in the prom! Go!
1959
01:34:18,404 --> 01:34:19,572
Go, go, go, go!
1960
01:34:21,699 --> 01:34:22,867
Where'd they go?
1961
01:34:25,411 --> 01:34:26,412
Molly!
1962
01:34:31,458 --> 01:34:32,501
Shit!
1963
01:34:36,505 --> 01:34:38,007
You want to drive?
Yeah, I do, actually.
1964
01:34:38,090 --> 01:34:39,258
Okay, cool.
1965
01:34:40,301 --> 01:34:41,343
Nice!
1966
01:34:41,427 --> 01:34:42,428
Did it look cool when I did it?
1967
01:34:42,511 --> 01:34:44,430
That's what I'm talking about!
Yeah!
1968
01:34:46,932 --> 01:34:48,559
How you guys
doing back there, huh?
1969
01:34:48,726 --> 01:34:50,102
God, I love high school!
1970
01:34:50,269 --> 01:34:51,437
Best prom night ever!
1971
01:34:57,151 --> 01:34:58,777
Shoot them!
Stay on them!
1972
01:34:59,028 --> 01:35:00,613
I'm on them!
I'm on them!
1973
01:35:00,696 --> 01:35:03,199
Oh, good, you guys, come
hang out with me back here.
1974
01:35:03,324 --> 01:35:05,743
Oh, fuck, dude. Lisa, what are you doing?
Did she pass out back there?
1975
01:35:08,412 --> 01:35:09,580
Whoo!
1976
01:35:09,872 --> 01:35:12,166
Hey, you got a gun. Why
don't you shoot back there?
1977
01:35:12,291 --> 01:35:13,751
Shoot that gun, shoot that gun!
1978
01:35:13,834 --> 01:35:15,169
All right, one second!
1979
01:35:15,294 --> 01:35:16,545
Just shoot someone, you bitch!
1980
01:35:19,048 --> 01:35:20,299
Peek-a-boo!
1981
01:35:20,466 --> 01:35:21,634
Give me my money!
1982
01:35:22,509 --> 01:35:24,678
Fuck that! Fuck that! No! No!
1983
01:35:24,762 --> 01:35:27,389
I can't do this! I'm
supposed to go to Berkeley!
1984
01:35:28,891 --> 01:35:29,975
I'm gonna get
the party started!
1985
01:35:30,142 --> 01:35:31,560
I'm gonna get the party started!
No! No! Lisa, no!
1986
01:35:31,644 --> 01:35:34,772
Hey, I'm living my dream
of standing in a limo!
1987
01:35:34,855 --> 01:35:35,981
What?
1988
01:35:38,567 --> 01:35:40,152
You're killing my dream!
Come in.
1989
01:35:40,319 --> 01:35:41,362
What? I'm trying to party.
Down!
1990
01:35:41,612 --> 01:35:42,655
Bitch!
1991
01:35:44,156 --> 01:35:46,075
What? Fuck!
1992
01:35:46,158 --> 01:35:47,493
I'll kill you!
1993
01:35:47,701 --> 01:35:48,702
Kill you!
1994
01:35:49,787 --> 01:35:51,580
No! No!
Stay where you are.
1995
01:35:51,789 --> 01:35:52,831
Go! Go, go!
1996
01:35:56,293 --> 01:35:57,628
No! Stop!
1997
01:35:57,711 --> 01:35:59,922
I'm not fucking kidding! Look,
I'm trying to shoot people!
1998
01:36:00,005 --> 01:36:01,340
Will you stop!
Just for two seconds!
1999
01:36:01,423 --> 01:36:03,259
You're really hot and you're
really slutty and it's awesome,
2000
01:36:03,342 --> 01:36:04,635
but I got to shoot
people right now!
2001
01:36:04,718 --> 01:36:06,136
You think I'm hot?
2002
01:36:20,609 --> 01:36:22,444
I wanna...
Oh, my God!
2003
01:36:23,445 --> 01:36:25,155
Wait, guys! Call me!
2004
01:36:25,239 --> 01:36:26,949
Let me know where
you're ending up later.
2005
01:36:31,370 --> 01:36:32,788
I'm almost out of ammo.
2006
01:36:32,871 --> 01:36:33,998
We're fucked.
2007
01:36:34,957 --> 01:36:36,041
Give me my money!
2008
01:36:36,542 --> 01:36:37,668
I got an idea.
2009
01:36:37,793 --> 01:36:39,503
You still got those shotgun shells?
Yeah.
2010
01:36:40,296 --> 01:36:41,338
Pop Quiznos.
2011
01:36:41,839 --> 01:36:46,343
What do you get when lithium batteries
react to potassium nitrate?
2012
01:36:46,552 --> 01:36:48,971
That would be
a covalent bond, brother.
2013
01:36:49,054 --> 01:36:51,557
That's when two atoms,
they share electrons.
2014
01:36:51,640 --> 01:36:53,642
You see, they both need
what the other one has.
2015
01:36:53,726 --> 01:36:55,185
That makes them stick together.
2016
01:36:55,269 --> 01:36:56,520
Are you saying
we're covalent bonds?
2017
01:36:57,146 --> 01:36:58,689
What? No.
2018
01:36:59,440 --> 01:37:00,816
We're not atoms, dude.
2019
01:37:18,959 --> 01:37:20,586
What's this?
Tequila?
2020
01:37:21,253 --> 01:37:22,838
I don't know,
it was supposed to explode.
2021
01:37:23,881 --> 01:37:26,050
Oh, shit!
2022
01:37:30,929 --> 01:37:32,431
Where'd you learn
how to do that, man?
2023
01:37:32,514 --> 01:37:33,766
App chemistry, bitch.
2024
01:37:39,938 --> 01:37:41,106
Come on, blondie.
2025
01:37:42,983 --> 01:37:44,026
Molly!
2026
01:37:46,820 --> 01:37:48,238
Drop your weapon!
2027
01:37:48,614 --> 01:37:49,948
Don't you fuckin'
pull that arm up.
2028
01:37:50,240 --> 01:37:51,325
Don't.
2029
01:37:51,700 --> 01:37:55,037
Oh-ho! Looks like you're
out of ammo, asshole!
2030
01:37:55,287 --> 01:37:56,372
Come on!
Get out here!
2031
01:37:56,455 --> 01:37:58,165
What? What's going on?
All right.
2032
01:37:58,248 --> 01:38:01,460
All right, here's the deal. Nobody
moves, or she's gonna get hurt.
2033
01:38:01,543 --> 01:38:03,879
Do you understand?
Nobody move!
2034
01:38:03,962 --> 01:38:05,756
All right.
Eric, help me.
2035
01:38:06,215 --> 01:38:07,841
Don't you have a gun?
2036
01:38:08,926 --> 01:38:10,219
All right, don't move!
2037
01:38:11,136 --> 01:38:12,137
Come on, let's go.
Let's go.
2038
01:38:12,304 --> 01:38:13,305
No!
2039
01:38:13,430 --> 01:38:14,431
Hey! Hey, hey!
2040
01:38:14,515 --> 01:38:15,641
Hey, no, no, I said don't move!
2041
01:38:19,603 --> 01:38:21,021
Oh, fuck, you shot him!
2042
01:38:21,105 --> 01:38:22,064
Oh, God!
2043
01:38:22,147 --> 01:38:23,273
Are you okay?
2044
01:38:23,357 --> 01:38:24,983
You shot my partner,
you motherfucker!
2045
01:38:25,150 --> 01:38:27,152
I didn't mean to shoot you!
I meant to shoot him!
2046
01:38:27,277 --> 01:38:30,197
Are you alive, buddy? You okay?
You took a bullet for me, man.
2047
01:38:30,280 --> 01:38:32,699
Yeah, I'm feeling a little
ambivalent about that right now.
2048
01:38:32,783 --> 01:38:34,410
Didn't you hear me?
I said don't move!
2049
01:38:34,493 --> 01:38:35,869
I said that!
You heard, right?
2050
01:38:35,953 --> 01:38:37,079
Eric, you heard me!
2051
01:38:37,162 --> 01:38:38,497
- I said don't move!
- Eric, help me!
2052
01:38:38,580 --> 01:38:40,040
- You got this.
- Hey, hold still.
2053
01:38:47,172 --> 01:38:48,340
Freeze!
2054
01:38:48,465 --> 01:38:49,675
Shoot!
2055
01:38:52,678 --> 01:38:53,762
Come on.
2056
01:38:55,180 --> 01:38:57,391
You peaked in high school,
motherfucker.
2057
01:38:59,768 --> 01:39:00,894
Oh, shit.
2058
01:39:01,145 --> 01:39:02,187
I shot him in the dick.
2059
01:39:02,271 --> 01:39:04,690
You shot me in the dick!
2060
01:39:04,815 --> 01:39:05,941
Oh, my God!
2061
01:39:06,150 --> 01:39:07,151
Yes!
2062
01:39:07,359 --> 01:39:09,111
Yes! Yes!
2063
01:39:09,319 --> 01:39:10,362
Yes!
2064
01:39:10,529 --> 01:39:12,364
You are under arrest!
2065
01:39:12,489 --> 01:39:13,740
It definitely came
out my asshole!
2066
01:39:13,824 --> 01:39:15,951
You have the right
to remain silent!
2067
01:39:16,034 --> 01:39:19,121
Anything you say can
and will be used against you
2068
01:39:19,204 --> 01:39:20,289
in a court of law!
2069
01:39:20,372 --> 01:39:21,874
You have
the right to an attorney!
2070
01:39:21,957 --> 01:39:25,419
If you cannot afford an attorney,
one will be appointed for you!
2071
01:39:25,711 --> 01:39:28,547
Do you understand these rights
as they have been read to you?
2072
01:39:28,630 --> 01:39:30,424
Fuck you! Bitch!
2073
01:39:30,549 --> 01:39:32,217
Yes! Yes!
2074
01:39:32,509 --> 01:39:34,136
We did it, man!
2075
01:39:34,219 --> 01:39:35,304
We did it.
2076
01:39:35,387 --> 01:39:36,555
God, I feel so good.
2077
01:39:36,638 --> 01:39:38,056
We did it, man!
2078
01:39:38,891 --> 01:39:40,559
You're a goddamn rock star.
2079
01:39:42,060 --> 01:39:43,353
Do you feel that?
2080
01:39:43,437 --> 01:39:44,438
God damn, you're so cool.
2081
01:39:45,105 --> 01:39:46,315
You just shot him in the dick.
2082
01:39:46,982 --> 01:39:48,942
I've never seen that.
Who does that?
2083
01:39:49,735 --> 01:39:51,403
Look, I'm sorry I
called you Rain Man.
2084
01:39:51,528 --> 01:39:53,947
I know I didn't say you
were, but you're smart.
2085
01:39:54,072 --> 01:39:56,658
You're a smart guy,
and you're thoughtful,
2086
01:39:56,742 --> 01:40:00,954
and you're sincere and you're
sweet and you're loyal...
2087
01:40:02,039 --> 01:40:03,790
And I fuckin' cherish you.
2088
01:40:06,752 --> 01:40:07,753
Should we high-five?
2089
01:40:13,800 --> 01:40:15,344
Ow! My hand!
2090
01:40:16,637 --> 01:40:18,347
Are you all right? Should we
get you to the hospital, man?
2091
01:40:18,430 --> 01:40:20,265
Yeah, I think we need to call somebody.
Hey, call somebody!
2092
01:40:20,432 --> 01:40:22,351
I got to get my
dick sewn back on.
2093
01:40:22,434 --> 01:40:23,977
You shut the fuck up.
Hey, you shut up.
2094
01:40:24,186 --> 01:40:25,771
That's not funny.
Is that it?
2095
01:40:26,021 --> 01:40:27,147
What?
2096
01:40:28,649 --> 01:40:30,067
That's my dick!
2097
01:40:30,776 --> 01:40:31,818
Pick up my dick! Please!
2098
01:40:31,902 --> 01:40:33,195
No, we're not
picking up your dick.
2099
01:40:33,278 --> 01:40:34,696
Fuckin' pick my dick up!
2100
01:40:37,991 --> 01:40:38,992
Oh, fuck!
2101
01:40:44,498 --> 01:40:45,666
He's my friend.
2102
01:40:46,500 --> 01:40:48,627
They don't serve
vegan in jail, bitch.
2103
01:40:56,301 --> 01:40:57,511
Hey.
2104
01:40:59,096 --> 01:41:00,472
Molly...
2105
01:41:01,890 --> 01:41:02,891
I'm really sorry.
2106
01:41:04,142 --> 01:41:05,894
I know you
wanted a guy to trust,
2107
01:41:06,019 --> 01:41:07,813
and I wanted to be
that person so badly.
2108
01:41:08,855 --> 01:41:10,983
And I let you down
in a lot of ways.
2109
01:41:11,650 --> 01:41:12,818
And...
2110
01:41:15,195 --> 01:41:16,863
It's good that
you're mad at me.
2111
01:41:17,489 --> 01:41:20,200
I think it's good. I think you
should be mad at more guys,
2112
01:41:20,284 --> 01:41:25,330
because you deserve a guy who's
good and who doesn't lie to you.
2113
01:41:25,664 --> 01:41:28,166
And you should never settle
for less than that.
2114
01:41:28,500 --> 01:41:30,460
There are good guys out there
2115
01:41:32,337 --> 01:41:34,006
who aren't assholes like me.
2116
01:41:36,675 --> 01:41:38,594
Thanks for saving my life,
2117
01:41:38,677 --> 01:41:40,429
asshole.
2118
01:41:43,015 --> 01:41:45,017
Put her there, partner.
2119
01:41:58,363 --> 01:41:59,990
I'll come back later.
2120
01:42:04,703 --> 01:42:07,914
We're, like, in the end of Die Hard
right now, but it's our actual life.
2121
01:42:08,248 --> 01:42:09,291
It's crazy.
2122
01:42:09,374 --> 01:42:10,459
Number one or two?
2123
01:42:10,584 --> 01:42:11,710
Three.
2124
01:42:12,544 --> 01:42:14,379
Sam Jackson one. Yeah!
Sam Jackson style.
2125
01:42:16,006 --> 01:42:19,176
Boom, motherfuckers!
What's going on? Come on!
2126
01:42:24,014 --> 01:42:25,557
Where is he?
There's my guy!
2127
01:42:25,682 --> 01:42:28,018
There he is! That's him.
That's him.
2128
01:42:28,393 --> 01:42:29,394
Enough.
Too long on the hug.
2129
01:42:29,895 --> 01:42:33,690
Congratulations, you crazy,
sick, vigilante motherfuckers.
2130
01:42:33,774 --> 01:42:35,525
You got your first arrest, huh?
2131
01:42:36,526 --> 01:42:38,487
- Look. Got something made for you.
- You didn't!
2132
01:42:38,570 --> 01:42:40,781
Come on. All right, all right.
Enough. Enough.
2133
01:42:40,947 --> 01:42:42,240
New assignment.
2134
01:42:42,699 --> 01:42:45,369
Since you two cowboys
love to drink booze,
2135
01:42:45,619 --> 01:42:49,665
smoke weed with kids, and fuck
anything with a big ass in jeans
2136
01:42:49,748 --> 01:42:51,083
with low self-esteem,
2137
01:42:51,166 --> 01:42:55,128
I'm gonna send you to a place
where all that shit is allowed.
2138
01:42:55,212 --> 01:42:56,421
Oh, I love Disneyland!
2139
01:42:56,755 --> 01:42:59,841
You two sons of bitches
are going to college!
2140
01:42:59,925 --> 01:43:01,551
No! Yes!
2141
01:43:42,801 --> 01:43:43,802
Boo-yah!
2142
01:44:01,153 --> 01:44:02,154
Whoo!
2143
01:44:20,630 --> 01:44:22,674
Oh, my God! You're like
two Hardy Boys in one!
2144
01:44:37,522 --> 01:44:38,523
Oh, fuck!
2145
01:46:28,174 --> 01:46:29,426
Hey, why are you here, Scott?
2146
01:46:29,509 --> 01:46:29,426
What, Kennedy High isn't
having any parties tonight?
154958
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