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SUSAN: And that's the news.
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But before we sign off, we'd like to
congratulate our very own Evan Baxter,
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who has just been elected
Buffalo's representative to Congress.
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- And, now, we have a surprise for Evan.
- No, you don't.
5
00:01:20,164 --> 00:01:23,542
- We do.
- Oh, no. I really didn't expect this.
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Here's a look back at his run for office.
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(PEOPLE CHEERING)
8
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- What are we gonna do?
- ALL: Change the world!
9
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That's right!
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(ALL CHEERING)
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ALL: Baxter! Baxter! Baxter!
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Hi.
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ALL: Baxter! Baxter!
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That's right!
15
00:01:54,740 --> 00:01:55,741
(CLEARING THROAT)
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00:01:56,993 --> 00:02:01,205
I feel like that old Indian
in front of all the garbage.
17
00:02:02,707 --> 00:02:07,712
So, for the last time, this is Evan Baxter
for Eyewitness News. Good night.
18
00:02:08,462 --> 00:02:11,048
(HAVE YOU EVER SEEN THE RAIN PLAYING)
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00:02:24,270 --> 00:02:27,481
GPS: Huntsville, Virginia.
Prestige Crest, four miles.
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00:02:27,565 --> 00:02:30,192
- What did we do before GPS?
- Nothing.
21
00:02:30,276 --> 00:02:32,486
Guys, Dad's very proud of his new car.
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Hey, I am proud of my new car.
Look, I'm a politician now.
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I'm in the public eye, and as you know,
when you are in the public eye,
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image is everything, isn't it?
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00:02:46,917 --> 00:02:49,295
EVAN: Here it is! Welcome to the good life.
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00:02:49,837 --> 00:02:53,591
Hey, guys, why the long faces?
We're off on a new adventure!
27
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It's just we're going to miss our friends.
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You'll make new friends, better friends.
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Yeah, richer friends.
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Do not mouth off to me, sir.
I am the boss of you.
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And let me tell you something,
you guys are gonna love this place.
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00:03:06,896 --> 00:03:09,648
And you know what? I think there's
something for our fishermen up there.
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EVAN: Baxter family,
this is what's called a scenic vista.
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And I don't think the big man himself
could do a better job. Pretty cool, huh?
35
00:03:18,115 --> 00:03:19,742
Hey, Dad, an iguana can stay underwater
36
00:03:19,825 --> 00:03:20,910
- for 28 minutes.
- What's that?
37
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- And a shrimp's heart is in its head.
- Really?
38
00:03:22,953 --> 00:03:25,206
Okay, someone's had enough Animal Planet
for one lifetime.
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00:03:25,289 --> 00:03:27,208
Yeah, let's head out! Come on.
The best is yet to come!
40
00:03:28,959 --> 00:03:31,712
EVAN: Gentlemen,
I have saved the best for last.
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Look over to the right.
That is your new home.
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JORDAN: That's our house?
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JOAN: I don't remember it being this big
in the brochure.
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Was it this big in the brochure?
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EVAN: Pretty amazing, isn't it?
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There they are!
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Is this curb appeal or what?
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Here we go!
49
00:03:55,736 --> 00:03:58,364
- Honey, I think you're blocking my photo.
- Sorry.
50
00:03:58,447 --> 00:04:00,408
All right, everybody! Say "escrow"!
51
00:04:00,491 --> 00:04:03,327
- Escrow!
- Escrow!
52
00:04:03,536 --> 00:04:06,163
RYAN: Come on. Come on. Come on.
Come on. Go. Go. Go.
53
00:04:06,789 --> 00:04:08,707
EVAN: Guys, easy.
54
00:04:09,125 --> 00:04:10,626
(CHILDREN EXCLAIMING)
55
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This is our house?
56
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MAN: Careful!
57
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JOAN: Honey, be careful!
EVAN: Watch it!
58
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Are you kidding me?
59
00:04:18,717 --> 00:04:19,927
- Mom, can we go upstairs?
- JOAN: Yep.
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00:04:20,010 --> 00:04:21,429
- And I get my own room, right?
- Yep.
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00:04:21,512 --> 00:04:22,888
(YELLING EXCITEDLY)
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Mr. Baxter, could you give us some
direction on these kitchen cabinets?
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Sure.
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00:04:26,684 --> 00:04:31,021
Okay, it's between your maple
and your old-growth Brazilian cherry.
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That is nice! Which is best?
66
00:04:33,232 --> 00:04:36,277
Well, if you're not sensitive to that
"save the rainforest" stuff,
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you can't beat the Brazilian cherry.
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It's 200,300 years old.
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- Three hundred years.
- Three hundred.
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Wow. That is old.
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00:04:42,366 --> 00:04:44,618
And now you are going to hold my dishes.
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- That's right. You going with the cherry?
- Cheery cherry!
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- Yeah. Definitely.
- He's going with the cherry!
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- RYAN: Dad, look!
- No, no, no!
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Ryan, do not touch him, please!
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00:04:54,295 --> 00:04:55,838
Oh, no, no, no, no, get him away!
77
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No. He might have lice, fleas, maggots
or something.
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00:04:58,257 --> 00:05:01,010
You do not play with stray dogs
because they are very...
79
00:05:01,093 --> 00:05:03,429
No, no! Get away, get away! Go!
80
00:05:04,054 --> 00:05:05,598
Okay. Oh, no, no, no.
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00:05:05,681 --> 00:05:07,099
- He's thirsty.
- No, no, no.
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00:05:07,183 --> 00:05:10,060
No, you don't! There we go.
83
00:05:10,144 --> 00:05:11,604
Well, Ryan, he's a stray.
84
00:05:11,687 --> 00:05:13,314
If we give him water,
he's just going to come back.
85
00:05:13,397 --> 00:05:16,775
Come on, Dad, why can't we keep him?
I mean, we've got a new house.
86
00:05:16,859 --> 00:05:18,819
Okay, Ryan, this is why we can't keep him.
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They are stinky. They are smelly.
They get hair all over the place.
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00:05:21,614 --> 00:05:22,740
They get a little thing called the mange.
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In a nutshell, he is disgusting.
Case in point.
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00:05:26,577 --> 00:05:28,412
(BOTH GIGGLING)
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EVAN: Ladies and gentlemen, this concludes
day one of the Baxters' new and exciting life.
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I have to do the new house dance.
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Wow! That dance?
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00:05:40,925 --> 00:05:43,761
- That's a good new house dance.
- Thank you.
95
00:05:43,844 --> 00:05:46,013
You know, those boys were having
so much fun tonight,
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00:05:46,096 --> 00:05:47,932
I thought I would never get them to bed.
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And then Ryan did the cutest thing.
He asked if we could all pray together.
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Really? What did you pray about?
99
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He met a dog.
What do you think he prayed for?
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00:05:58,108 --> 00:05:59,985
(EXCLAIMING IN DISGUST)
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00:06:00,069 --> 00:06:02,821
Just a walking petri dish, that dog.
102
00:06:02,905 --> 00:06:05,074
And Jordan was very precise.
103
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He prayed for good visibility, good weather
on the hiking trip tomorrow.
104
00:06:09,036 --> 00:06:12,289
The hiking trip? Oh, right. Yeah.
The hiking trip. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
105
00:06:12,373 --> 00:06:14,250
You wanna know what I prayed for?
106
00:06:14,333 --> 00:06:16,210
Yeah. What did you pray for?
107
00:06:16,293 --> 00:06:19,421
I prayed we would become closer
as a family.
108
00:06:20,589 --> 00:06:25,010
Honey, you don't need to pray for that
to happen. I will make that happen.
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(SIGHING)
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- What would you pray for?
- Me? I don't know. Praying just...
111
00:06:31,684 --> 00:06:32,726
(SIGHING)
112
00:06:32,810 --> 00:06:36,647
Honey, you're the one who said
you wanted to change the world.
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It's a pretty big job.
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00:06:39,358 --> 00:06:42,152
If it were me,
I would take all the help I could get.
115
00:06:47,157 --> 00:06:50,202
WOMAN OVER TV: Former Buffalo News
anchor, Evan Baxter, takes office tomorrow
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00:06:50,286 --> 00:06:52,705
to make good on a lofty campaign promise.
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00:06:52,788 --> 00:06:55,249
- What are we going to do?
- ALL: Change the world!
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WOMAN OVER TV: Good luck, Congressman.
Many have tried, many have failed.
119
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- Hello!
- This is Regina Sparks reporting for...
120
00:07:05,384 --> 00:07:06,969
(SIGHING)
121
00:07:18,355 --> 00:07:19,398
(CLEARING THROAT)
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00:07:19,481 --> 00:07:21,317
Hello, there. Hi.
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This is Evan Baxter.
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Just wanted to say thank you for everything.
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Thank you for the new car
and for the house.
126
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The house is great. I love it.
127
00:07:36,373 --> 00:07:40,794
I mean, I picked it out,
but you created matter and everything, so...
128
00:07:44,298 --> 00:07:48,093
I just wanted to say that I think Joan
makes a good point,
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00:07:48,177 --> 00:07:52,598
and that I am now in a position
of great power,
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00:07:52,765 --> 00:07:56,644
and I know that with great power
comes great responsibility.
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So, God,
132
00:08:01,023 --> 00:08:02,024
(CLEARING THROAT)
133
00:08:04,777 --> 00:08:07,237
Please help me change the world.
134
00:08:09,156 --> 00:08:11,992
Okay. That's it. I'm hanging up now.
135
00:08:12,910 --> 00:08:15,412
God bless... Well, you. Okay.
136
00:08:31,637 --> 00:08:33,389
(ALARM RINGING)
137
00:08:38,394 --> 00:08:41,647
- What? That's weird.
- What?
138
00:08:41,730 --> 00:08:43,732
I set the alarm for 7:00.
139
00:08:46,819 --> 00:08:47,820
(MOTOR WHIRRING)
140
00:08:49,947 --> 00:08:52,032
(GRUNTING)
141
00:08:53,367 --> 00:08:54,368
(SNEEZING)
142
00:08:54,451 --> 00:08:56,036
(GRUNTING)
143
00:09:17,516 --> 00:09:19,518
I am successful. I am powerful.
I am handsome.
144
00:09:19,601 --> 00:09:22,813
I am happy, successful, powerful,
handsome, happy.
145
00:09:23,355 --> 00:09:28,402
All right, everyone, wish me luck.
The Congressman has left the building.
146
00:09:28,485 --> 00:09:33,532
All right, Baxter brood, I will see you
later on this afternoon for the big hike. Yes?
147
00:09:33,615 --> 00:09:35,909
EVAN: You psyched? Are you ready?
ALL: Yeah.
148
00:09:35,993 --> 00:09:37,244
- Bye. See you.
- Good luck, honey.
149
00:09:37,327 --> 00:09:38,454
- Bye, guys!
- See you later.
150
00:09:38,537 --> 00:09:39,538
Later, gator.
151
00:09:40,497 --> 00:09:41,498
(EXCLAIMING)
152
00:09:41,582 --> 00:09:42,875
Oh, gosh.
153
00:09:42,958 --> 00:09:45,669
Wow. Honey, did you order anything?
154
00:09:46,044 --> 00:09:48,172
"Alpha and Omega Hardware"?
155
00:09:48,255 --> 00:09:50,674
- JOAN: Never heard of them.
- Me either.
156
00:09:51,008 --> 00:09:52,843
What do we have?
157
00:09:53,260 --> 00:09:54,261
(GASPING)
158
00:09:54,344 --> 00:09:56,054
What is this stuff?
159
00:09:57,473 --> 00:09:59,308
Must have the wrong address.
160
00:09:59,933 --> 00:10:01,727
Yup. The wrong address.
161
00:10:03,979 --> 00:10:05,564
WOMAN: Congressman Baxter.
Good morning.
162
00:10:05,647 --> 00:10:06,607
Good morning.
163
00:10:06,690 --> 00:10:08,025
- MAN 1: Good morning, Congressman Baxter.
- Hello.
164
00:10:08,108 --> 00:10:10,527
- MAN 2: Good morning, Congressman Baxter.
- Good morning.
165
00:10:10,611 --> 00:10:13,614
Oh, this is so cool.
166
00:10:16,825 --> 00:10:18,619
Yeah. This'll work.
167
00:10:18,702 --> 00:10:22,539
There he is! The head honcho.
The big kahuna.
168
00:10:22,623 --> 00:10:24,625
Rita, I think I have to do the dance.
169
00:10:24,708 --> 00:10:25,876
Do the dance.
170
00:10:25,959 --> 00:10:27,377
(GRUNTING)
171
00:10:29,463 --> 00:10:30,798
That's enough of the dance.
172
00:10:30,881 --> 00:10:32,966
Oh, this is nice! This is really nice!
173
00:10:33,050 --> 00:10:35,719
This is too nice.
There's something crooked going on.
174
00:10:35,803 --> 00:10:37,012
Do you smell anthrax?
175
00:10:37,095 --> 00:10:38,972
- Congressman!
- Hey, Marty!
176
00:10:39,056 --> 00:10:40,474
- Nice sound to that.
- I like it.
177
00:10:40,557 --> 00:10:41,558
Here they are!
178
00:10:41,642 --> 00:10:42,643
(ALL CHEERING)
179
00:10:42,726 --> 00:10:43,811
All right.
180
00:10:43,894 --> 00:10:45,646
You remember Sarah, Allen, Michael.
181
00:10:45,729 --> 00:10:48,398
I don't think you know the new kid
Eugene Tennanbaum. I found him at G.W.
182
00:10:48,482 --> 00:10:50,150
Sort of a walking search engine. Watch this.
183
00:10:50,234 --> 00:10:52,486
- How many stars on the flag in 1818?
- 15.
184
00:10:52,569 --> 00:10:54,488
And Congressman Baxter's coffee habits?
185
00:10:54,571 --> 00:10:57,825
He likes a morning latte with a cruller,
a decaf espresso after lunch,
186
00:10:57,908 --> 00:10:59,493
served sans pastry of any kind.
187
00:10:59,576 --> 00:11:02,246
Very impressive.
A little freaky, but I like this kid.
188
00:11:02,538 --> 00:11:03,914
(LAUGHING) I love you.
189
00:11:06,416 --> 00:11:09,753
I mean, we should hang out socially.
I just got a ping-pong table.
190
00:11:09,837 --> 00:11:11,505
Not going to happen.
191
00:11:11,588 --> 00:11:14,842
Go find out where his license plates are.
Everybody else, back to your holes.
192
00:11:14,925 --> 00:11:17,803
- EUGENE: He was actually right.
- I'm doing a background check on that kid.
193
00:11:17,886 --> 00:11:22,558
Ta-da! This, my friend, is a power office,
to remind you of the mission!
194
00:11:22,641 --> 00:11:24,059
BOTH: "Change the world!"
195
00:11:24,142 --> 00:11:25,853
- Okay, Evan, who do you know?
- What do you mean?
196
00:11:25,936 --> 00:11:27,855
Oh, come on.
Yesterday we're in the basement.
197
00:11:27,938 --> 00:11:29,857
Today, look at this place.
It's like the Emerald City!
198
00:11:29,940 --> 00:11:33,193
"Enjoy your office.
Your neighbor, Congressman Long."
199
00:11:33,277 --> 00:11:35,362
Congressman Long did this?
Did you say "neighbor"?
200
00:11:35,445 --> 00:11:38,282
That's right. He lives in Prestige Crest,
right up the street.
201
00:11:38,365 --> 00:11:42,327
Evan, you got to tell me these things.
Think of the publicity angle on this!
202
00:11:42,411 --> 00:11:44,705
You and Congressman Long having
a barbecue.
203
00:11:44,788 --> 00:11:46,665
Congressman Long eating your hot dog.
204
00:11:46,748 --> 00:11:48,458
RITA: Hate to break up
your little weenie roast.
205
00:11:48,542 --> 00:11:51,211
Congressman Long's assistant
just dropped this off.
206
00:11:51,295 --> 00:11:52,671
The Congressman would like for you
207
00:11:52,754 --> 00:11:54,923
to junior cosponsor this bill
that he's introducing.
208
00:11:55,007 --> 00:11:59,219
Hold on. Congressman Long asked us to
junior cosponsor his bill? What's the bill?
209
00:11:59,303 --> 00:12:01,972
The Citizens' Integration
of Public Lands Act.
210
00:12:02,055 --> 00:12:04,057
Never heard of it. Gene, here, now.
211
00:12:04,141 --> 00:12:06,393
- Rita, why didn't you tell me about this?
- I just did.
212
00:12:06,476 --> 00:12:08,312
You need to tell me about it
before I need to know about it.
213
00:12:08,395 --> 00:12:10,522
- Marty, you are not the vice congressman.
- I am the legislative...
214
00:12:10,606 --> 00:12:14,234
Nobody voted for you. If Evan gets shot
in the head, you do not automatically...
215
00:12:14,318 --> 00:12:16,320
If Evan got shot in the head,
you're the first suspect.
216
00:12:16,403 --> 00:12:17,446
Play nice. Play nice.
217
00:12:17,529 --> 00:12:19,615
All right, Eugene, Congressman Long's bill.
What is it?
218
00:12:19,698 --> 00:12:22,576
HR71 24, better known as CINPLAN.
219
00:12:22,659 --> 00:12:25,329
The bill would open up fringe areas
of the national parks for development.
220
00:12:25,412 --> 00:12:26,914
Long's been sitting on it for ages...
221
00:12:26,997 --> 00:12:28,957
Got it. Pause. Come on, Evan, this is huge.
222
00:12:29,041 --> 00:12:30,542
You hitch your wagon to the right star,
223
00:12:30,626 --> 00:12:32,753
you could ride all the way down
to Pennsylvania Avenue.
224
00:12:32,836 --> 00:12:34,171
This is day one.
225
00:12:34,254 --> 00:12:36,423
You got your name on a major piece
of legislation!
226
00:12:36,506 --> 00:12:39,343
And another thing,
he wants you to read it today.
227
00:12:39,635 --> 00:12:41,136
Well, I can't do it today.
228
00:12:41,219 --> 00:12:42,304
- I promised my kids...
- Eugene.
229
00:12:42,387 --> 00:12:44,431
Well, sir, there's a time clock on the bill.
230
00:12:44,514 --> 00:12:46,600
If Congressman Long wants to pass it
this quarter,
231
00:12:46,683 --> 00:12:48,810
he's going to have to introduce it
to the committee immediately.
232
00:12:48,894 --> 00:12:51,396
I'm personally going with
whatever Congressman Baxter decides,
233
00:12:51,480 --> 00:12:54,441
because if I could be like one man,
it'd be him.
234
00:12:54,524 --> 00:12:55,859
Either him or Kareem.
235
00:12:55,943 --> 00:12:58,195
- Can I tase him?
- Gene! Heel!
236
00:12:58,278 --> 00:12:59,696
It'd probably be you.
237
00:12:59,780 --> 00:13:03,450
Come on, Evan, this is it!
This is why we came here!
238
00:13:03,533 --> 00:13:05,494
It's world-changing time!
239
00:13:05,827 --> 00:13:07,663
(EXCLAIMING)
240
00:13:08,455 --> 00:13:09,706
Hey, anybody home?
241
00:13:09,790 --> 00:13:12,918
- Hey, Dad. Come on. We're in here!
- Hey, guys.
242
00:13:13,001 --> 00:13:16,797
Dad, guess what? I got all your stuff
packed up so that we can...
243
00:13:18,173 --> 00:13:19,257
What's wrong?
244
00:13:20,509 --> 00:13:21,843
We're not going, are we?
245
00:13:21,927 --> 00:13:26,807
First things first.
I have been asked to junior cosponsor a bill.
246
00:13:27,557 --> 00:13:28,558
Yeah.
247
00:13:28,642 --> 00:13:31,061
See? I told you.
And you owe me five bucks.
248
00:13:31,144 --> 00:13:32,562
Whoa, whoa, whoa, guys.
249
00:13:32,646 --> 00:13:35,482
Hey. Hey, we said we would have
to make sacrifices, right?
250
00:13:35,565 --> 00:13:37,734
DYLAN: Yeah. Whatever.
New house, same old dad.
251
00:13:37,818 --> 00:13:39,945
Hey, I'm the one who has to read this thing!
252
00:13:40,028 --> 00:13:44,116
Hey. Did you hear?
Junior cosponsor of a bill.
253
00:13:46,201 --> 00:13:50,414
Okay, Ry, let's clean all this stuff up.
Dad's got work to do.
254
00:14:06,471 --> 00:14:07,514
(ALARM RINGING)
255
00:14:07,597 --> 00:14:09,975
No. It's 6:14.
256
00:14:10,058 --> 00:14:13,937
Of course. Voodoo clock speaks again.
257
00:14:21,445 --> 00:14:22,529
What the...
258
00:14:23,572 --> 00:14:27,868
Hey! Hey! Hey! No. Okay.
259
00:14:27,951 --> 00:14:30,912
Whoa, whoa! Whoa, whoa! What's going on?
260
00:14:30,996 --> 00:14:33,290
I got a delivery for Evan Baxter!
261
00:14:33,373 --> 00:14:35,208
Yeah, that's not mine. I didn't order that!
262
00:14:35,292 --> 00:14:38,837
I just deliver, guy, huh?
You got a complaint, call the number!
263
00:14:38,920 --> 00:14:43,050
No! Hey! Listen! We are 416, not 614!
264
00:14:43,133 --> 00:14:47,471
You've got the wrong house!
You can't leave that there!
265
00:14:47,554 --> 00:14:50,015
Listen! Listen!
266
00:14:50,098 --> 00:14:52,642
That's going to leave a brown patch!
267
00:14:53,101 --> 00:14:55,145
I am a U.S. congressman!
268
00:14:58,482 --> 00:15:00,400
(MAN CHATTERING ON TV)
269
00:15:04,321 --> 00:15:05,822
(PHONE RINGING)
270
00:15:07,574 --> 00:15:09,159
Dad, what are you doing? I'm watching this.
271
00:15:09,242 --> 00:15:10,744
Genesis 6:14.
272
00:15:14,706 --> 00:15:16,166
Gen 6:14.
273
00:15:16,750 --> 00:15:18,668
Joan! Do we have a Bible anywhere?
274
00:15:27,469 --> 00:15:28,929
Genesis 6:14.
275
00:15:29,012 --> 00:15:31,515
"Make thee an ark of gopherwood..."
276
00:15:32,140 --> 00:15:33,475
Gopherwood.
277
00:15:46,613 --> 00:15:48,532
GOD: "Go-four-wood." Get it?
278
00:15:52,452 --> 00:15:55,997
Well, it's not really gopherwood.
I just like the wordplay.
279
00:15:56,081 --> 00:15:57,457
No, it's pine and maple.
280
00:15:57,541 --> 00:16:01,002
It was clear-cut from this valley
to make room for all those houses.
281
00:16:01,086 --> 00:16:02,796
Excuse me. Do I know you?
282
00:16:02,879 --> 00:16:04,714
Not as well as I'd like.
283
00:16:06,299 --> 00:16:08,760
I see you got my housewarming gift.
284
00:16:08,844 --> 00:16:11,346
That was you? You sent those?
285
00:16:11,429 --> 00:16:14,015
What are they for? Hey! Hey.
286
00:16:14,099 --> 00:16:16,726
Genesis, chapter six, verse fourteen.
287
00:16:17,102 --> 00:16:18,770
I want you to build an ark.
288
00:16:18,854 --> 00:16:21,148
You want me to build an ark.
289
00:16:21,231 --> 00:16:22,399
Yes.
290
00:16:22,482 --> 00:16:27,571
So that's why the tools.
And you are responsible for the wood?
291
00:16:28,572 --> 00:16:30,991
All right. Well, let's just start over.
292
00:16:31,074 --> 00:16:32,117
(CLEARING THROAT)
293
00:16:32,200 --> 00:16:33,827
Hello, I am Evan...
294
00:16:33,910 --> 00:16:37,455
Evan Baxter. Born June 15,1962.
295
00:16:37,539 --> 00:16:38,874
Eight pounds, 11 ounces.
296
00:16:38,957 --> 00:16:42,502
Mother's Carroll Ann Parker.
Father, Eugene Evan Baxter.
297
00:16:42,586 --> 00:16:43,628
(EXCLAIMING)
298
00:16:43,712 --> 00:16:46,339
You have internet access. Very impressive.
Do you also have cable?
299
00:16:46,423 --> 00:16:49,843
You're a clean freak. You care much
too much about your outward appearance.
300
00:16:49,926 --> 00:16:52,512
Your left nipple is a quarter inch higher
than your right nipple.
301
00:16:52,596 --> 00:16:55,640
And when you were a little boy,
you were afraid of Gumby.
302
00:16:57,267 --> 00:16:58,310
Who are you?
303
00:16:59,644 --> 00:17:00,854
I'm God.
304
00:17:01,521 --> 00:17:03,148
- You're God?
- Yes.
305
00:17:03,607 --> 00:17:07,777
And I want you, Evan Baxter, to build an ark.
306
00:17:08,945 --> 00:17:13,992
Okay. You know what? This conversation
is a little thing I like to call over!
307
00:17:14,075 --> 00:17:18,914
But I got to get going,
because, frankly, I have an ark to build.
308
00:17:18,997 --> 00:17:23,084
Busy, busy, busy, busy. Nice meeting you.
Take care. Oh, and...
309
00:17:27,756 --> 00:17:29,799
All right, see you later!
310
00:17:32,302 --> 00:17:35,555
Shake it off, Evan. It's over.
The nutcase is gone.
311
00:17:35,639 --> 00:17:38,808
I am successful, I'm powerful,
I'm handsome, I'm happy.
312
00:17:38,892 --> 00:17:41,144
Successful, powerful, handsome, happy.
313
00:17:41,228 --> 00:17:42,395
(SCREAMING)
314
00:17:42,479 --> 00:17:44,564
Get it out, son.
It's the beginning of wisdom.
315
00:17:44,648 --> 00:17:46,733
How did you get in here?
I'm calling the cops.
316
00:17:46,816 --> 00:17:49,903
Oh, no. No need! Look! Look.
There's one right there. Right there.
317
00:17:49,986 --> 00:17:55,283
Officer! Officer! Officer! Carjacker!
Carjacker in the car! Carjacker in the car!
318
00:17:57,160 --> 00:17:58,328
(GASPING)
319
00:17:59,287 --> 00:18:02,499
Careful pulling out.
Pedestrian in the crosswalk.
320
00:18:06,795 --> 00:18:08,380
(EXCLAIMING IN DISBELIEF)
321
00:18:08,463 --> 00:18:09,464
(CAR HONKING)
322
00:18:11,508 --> 00:18:12,509
(TIRES SCREECHING)
323
00:18:13,093 --> 00:18:14,636
(STAMMERING)
324
00:18:22,102 --> 00:18:23,103
(ELEVATOR BELL RINGING)
325
00:18:33,154 --> 00:18:34,155
(EXCLAIMS)
326
00:18:34,364 --> 00:18:35,907
Shake it off, shake it off!
Shake it off, shake it off!
327
00:18:40,245 --> 00:18:41,288
Good morning, chief!
328
00:18:41,371 --> 00:18:42,372
(EXCLAIMING)
329
00:18:42,497 --> 00:18:43,623
Good morning, Rita.
330
00:18:43,707 --> 00:18:46,126
You almost scared me to death!
What's wrong with you?
331
00:18:46,209 --> 00:18:48,461
Nothing. Just sort of a weird ride in.
332
00:18:48,545 --> 00:18:51,131
- Weird how?
- It was just a weird ride in.
333
00:18:51,214 --> 00:18:53,633
Okay, well, thanks for clarifying.
334
00:18:54,217 --> 00:18:56,469
- Here's your mail and your schedule.
- Okay.
335
00:18:56,553 --> 00:19:00,140
And they finally fixed the phones.
My new extension is 614.
336
00:19:02,225 --> 00:19:04,477
- 614.
- Yeah. 614?
337
00:19:04,561 --> 00:19:05,729
Right.
338
00:19:06,604 --> 00:19:09,024
You want me to write that down?
339
00:19:09,107 --> 00:19:10,942
I'd rather you didn't.
340
00:19:12,277 --> 00:19:13,278
MARTY: Good morning.
341
00:19:13,361 --> 00:19:15,739
Hey, Long came through with that seat
on the House Resource Committee.
342
00:19:15,822 --> 00:19:18,450
You stuck in your thumb
and pulled out a plum, my friend.
343
00:19:18,533 --> 00:19:20,368
Also, the new Congressional plates
just came in.
344
00:19:20,452 --> 00:19:23,872
Gene, plates, now.
And Alex at the Buffalo office had her baby.
345
00:19:23,955 --> 00:19:25,874
- Boy or girl?
- A little boy. And here he is.
346
00:19:25,957 --> 00:19:29,002
Just as cute as a button. Not bad
for such an ugly woman. Weighed in at...
347
00:19:29,085 --> 00:19:30,754
Six pounds, 14 ounces.
348
00:19:31,629 --> 00:19:33,840
- How'd you know that?
- Lucky guess.
349
00:19:33,923 --> 00:19:35,008
(EXCLAIMING)
350
00:19:35,091 --> 00:19:39,971
Hot, hot, hot! Hot off the press!
It's a joke. Here are your plates, sir.
351
00:19:40,180 --> 00:19:41,181
(GASPS)
352
00:19:41,264 --> 00:19:43,391
MARTY: Those are rock-star plates, man.
You can park anywhere.
353
00:19:43,475 --> 00:19:44,517
You can't be sitting in a chair.
354
00:19:44,601 --> 00:19:46,102
You've got a committee meeting
in five minutes.
355
00:19:46,186 --> 00:19:48,938
Come on, BMIC, Big Man in Congress.
356
00:19:49,022 --> 00:19:51,107
Evan Baxter, the shark on the move.
357
00:19:56,780 --> 00:19:58,365
(HAMMER POUNDING)
358
00:19:58,448 --> 00:20:00,617
MAN: House Resources Committee
is now in order.
359
00:20:00,700 --> 00:20:02,869
The Chair recognizes the congresswoman
from Tennessee
360
00:20:02,952 --> 00:20:05,413
to lead the Pledge of Allegiance.
361
00:20:05,497 --> 00:20:08,041
- I pledge allegiance to the flag...
- I pledge allegiance to the flag...
362
00:20:08,124 --> 00:20:10,835
- ...of the United States of America...
- ...of the United States of America...
363
00:20:10,919 --> 00:20:14,589
- ...and to the Republic, for which it stands...
- ...and to the Republic, for which it stands...
364
00:20:14,672 --> 00:20:16,508
- ...one nation, under me...
- ...one nation, under God...
365
00:20:16,591 --> 00:20:20,804
- ...indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.
- ...indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.
366
00:20:22,305 --> 00:20:25,975
How long do you want to do this, son?
I've got all eternity.
367
00:20:28,978 --> 00:20:30,230
(ALL GASPING)
368
00:20:30,313 --> 00:20:31,648
(CLAMORING)
369
00:20:34,484 --> 00:20:36,152
(WHISTLING)
370
00:20:36,236 --> 00:20:38,822
Hey. You okay, young man?
371
00:20:40,573 --> 00:20:41,825
- What happened?
- You fainted.
372
00:20:41,908 --> 00:20:43,743
Dropped like a leaf
during the Pledge of Allegiance.
373
00:20:43,827 --> 00:20:46,246
Chuck Long,
Resources Committee Chairman.
374
00:20:46,329 --> 00:20:50,041
Oh. Oh. Congressman Long. Yes.
Oh, I'm so sorry about...
375
00:20:50,125 --> 00:20:54,212
Forget it! Many a man's been humbled
by his first day in Congress.
376
00:20:54,295 --> 00:20:55,672
So, how'd you like that office?
377
00:20:55,755 --> 00:20:57,632
Oh, it was great. Yes. Thank you, sir.
378
00:20:57,715 --> 00:21:00,135
Not bad for a freshman dorm room, huh?
379
00:21:00,510 --> 00:21:01,928
So here's the skinny.
380
00:21:02,011 --> 00:21:04,055
I'm bringing you into my land use bill
381
00:21:04,139 --> 00:21:07,225
because you strike me as the type of guy
who knows how to hit the ground running.
382
00:21:07,308 --> 00:21:10,895
Yes, sir. I read the bill, and it's great.
I just had a few questions.
383
00:21:10,979 --> 00:21:13,106
Hey, I wrote the thing
and I have a few questions.
384
00:21:13,189 --> 00:21:16,359
We'll get to the questions later.
So, you with us?
385
00:21:16,443 --> 00:21:17,944
- Yes, sir. I'm in.
- Wonderful!
386
00:21:18,027 --> 00:21:19,988
I'll need you to put that into
a letter of intent,
387
00:21:20,071 --> 00:21:22,449
as soon as you're feeling up to it,
of course. You get yourself better.
388
00:21:22,532 --> 00:21:23,950
Enjoy that office.
389
00:21:24,033 --> 00:21:25,452
Thank you, sir.
390
00:21:25,535 --> 00:21:30,081
He's exhausted from reading that bill.
I got woozy from just carrying it.
391
00:21:30,165 --> 00:21:31,499
Evan, sit down.
392
00:21:31,583 --> 00:21:32,584
Evan, what happened to you?
393
00:21:32,667 --> 00:21:34,961
You can't faint during the Pledge
of Allegiance. It's un-American.
394
00:21:35,044 --> 00:21:36,296
Oh, good. The doctor's here.
395
00:21:36,379 --> 00:21:37,380
Say "ah."
396
00:21:37,464 --> 00:21:38,798
(GASPING)
397
00:21:38,882 --> 00:21:42,927
Just go home, get some rest
and start on that ark. You hear me?
398
00:21:43,011 --> 00:21:44,137
(CHUCKLES)
399
00:21:49,184 --> 00:21:50,185
Evan?
400
00:21:51,311 --> 00:21:53,897
Okay. "God warned Noah that
a great flood was coming.
401
00:21:53,980 --> 00:21:56,983
"Noah built the ark
with his wife and three sons."
402
00:21:57,066 --> 00:21:59,444
RYAN: I want strawberries!
I want strawberries!
403
00:21:59,527 --> 00:22:02,113
Why don't you have some strawberries?
404
00:22:02,906 --> 00:22:06,493
"The ark was 300 cubits long
and 50 cubits high."
405
00:22:06,576 --> 00:22:08,286
Oh, this is insane!
406
00:22:08,912 --> 00:22:10,413
What's insane?
407
00:22:11,206 --> 00:22:12,207
Congressman Long's bill?
408
00:22:12,290 --> 00:22:17,962
Yeah. The bill. That's what I was looking at.
Oh, man, there's a lot of research to do.
409
00:22:18,213 --> 00:22:19,380
(CHUCKLING)
410
00:22:19,464 --> 00:22:22,217
You know, baby, you have every right
to be freaked out.
411
00:22:22,300 --> 00:22:24,677
Freaked out. I'm not freaked out.
Why would I be freaked out?
412
00:22:24,761 --> 00:22:27,680
I'm freaking out.
This house alone is a huge adjustment
413
00:22:27,764 --> 00:22:31,809
and you've got a new job,
and new land act bill you're working on.
414
00:22:31,893 --> 00:22:34,187
We're in a new town.
I mean, that's a lot of new.
415
00:22:34,270 --> 00:22:35,563
So, you think I'm just stressed?
416
00:22:35,647 --> 00:22:39,984
Evan, honey, I've known you 20 years.
I know you're stressed.
417
00:22:41,277 --> 00:22:42,278
(SIGHING)
418
00:22:42,362 --> 00:22:45,365
JORDAN: Oh, my gosh! Dylan! Stop it!
419
00:22:45,448 --> 00:22:48,201
- Well, that's the sugar kicking in.
- Yes, it is.
420
00:22:48,284 --> 00:22:49,953
Thank you, hon.
421
00:22:50,036 --> 00:22:52,580
- Eat your ice cream.
- I will. Thanks.
422
00:22:53,248 --> 00:22:58,002
She's right. This is crazy.
I'm just stressed and you are gone.
423
00:23:02,674 --> 00:23:04,968
EVAN: Good morning, troops!
424
00:23:05,051 --> 00:23:07,554
- Good morning.
- Good morning. How are you?
425
00:23:07,637 --> 00:23:08,638
Wow.
426
00:23:09,556 --> 00:23:11,307
- Somebody's in a good mood.
- I am.
427
00:23:11,391 --> 00:23:13,142
I thought about what you said
and you are right.
428
00:23:13,226 --> 00:23:14,894
I need to get my head on straight.
429
00:23:14,978 --> 00:23:17,939
Guess what? This weekend,
we are going on that hiking trip.
430
00:23:18,022 --> 00:23:19,107
Yeah.
431
00:23:19,190 --> 00:23:21,693
- Right here! High five me!
- ALL: Righteous!
432
00:23:21,776 --> 00:23:24,153
Righteous. We are going to have
a righteous hiking trip!
433
00:23:24,237 --> 00:23:27,657
Hey, Dad, look, two doves.
That's supposed to be good luck.
434
00:23:27,740 --> 00:23:29,534
Well, today must be my lucky day.
435
00:23:29,617 --> 00:23:31,244
- Bye, guys! Bye.
- ALL: Bye.
436
00:23:34,664 --> 00:23:35,707
(CATS MEOWING)
437
00:23:35,790 --> 00:23:38,835
Good morning, kitties, keep moving.
It's not your house.
438
00:23:53,349 --> 00:23:56,644
Hey, when you're on my lawn,
keep it in your butt!
439
00:23:57,687 --> 00:23:58,771
(SQUIRRELS CHATTERING)
440
00:24:04,485 --> 00:24:06,446
Hey, thanks for sharing.
441
00:24:22,545 --> 00:24:23,546
(SQUIRRELS CHATTERING)
442
00:24:51,032 --> 00:24:53,368
(ANIMALS CHATTERING)
443
00:25:02,043 --> 00:25:03,294
(BIRDS COOING)
444
00:25:14,597 --> 00:25:15,598
(EVAN EXCLAIMING)
445
00:25:23,106 --> 00:25:24,273
MARTY: You're right on time.
446
00:25:24,357 --> 00:25:27,735
Long just called. He's on his way with the
powers that be. Who are they, Gene? Talk.
447
00:25:27,819 --> 00:25:29,862
Congressman Jim Dodd,
head of Ways and Means.
448
00:25:29,946 --> 00:25:32,240
But don't worry, sir,
he's definitely not "way mean."
449
00:25:32,323 --> 00:25:33,908
That's speculation.
I don't know him personally...
450
00:25:33,991 --> 00:25:35,076
That's too much, Gene. Who else?
451
00:25:35,159 --> 00:25:37,245
Congressman Richard Stamp,
head of Commerce,
452
00:25:37,328 --> 00:25:38,663
and Bob Hughes is Transportation.
453
00:25:38,746 --> 00:25:40,081
I have a draft of your support letter.
454
00:25:40,164 --> 00:25:42,041
- Sounds like a plan.
- Are you all right?
455
00:25:42,125 --> 00:25:45,169
- I'm good.
- You sure you're good? Okay.
456
00:25:46,796 --> 00:25:48,214
- Good morning, chief.
- Good morning, Rita.
457
00:25:48,297 --> 00:25:49,507
- Are you okay?
- I'm fine.
458
00:25:49,590 --> 00:25:51,384
- You don't look so good.
- That's what I said.
459
00:25:51,467 --> 00:25:53,261
You're all jumpy. Are you on that Fen-Phen?
460
00:25:53,344 --> 00:25:55,680
Guys, I'm fine. I'll be inside.
461
00:25:58,808 --> 00:25:59,976
(EXHALING)
462
00:26:05,148 --> 00:26:06,566
(CAWING)
463
00:26:08,151 --> 00:26:09,944
No, no, no, no.
464
00:26:10,903 --> 00:26:15,658
No. Okay. No, no. No. No, no. No.
465
00:26:16,951 --> 00:26:19,495
No, no, no. Oh, my gosh!
466
00:26:20,329 --> 00:26:24,959
Guys! No, no! Get out! Get out! Oh, my hair!
467
00:26:25,460 --> 00:26:27,503
Gentlemen, welcome.
What an honor to have you here.
468
00:26:27,587 --> 00:26:29,881
I'm Marty Stringer.
I'm Congressman Baxter's chief of staff.
469
00:26:29,964 --> 00:26:32,091
This is Rita Daniels, his executive assistant.
470
00:26:32,508 --> 00:26:34,218
RITA: Are you ready, sir?
471
00:26:34,302 --> 00:26:38,389
Just a minute. No, no, no, no.
Dirty, dirty, dirty! Big one!
472
00:26:38,723 --> 00:26:41,893
Baxter's only a freshman, sir, but I think
you'll find he is locked and loaded.
473
00:26:41,976 --> 00:26:44,854
Good. Maybe this young stud can help me
get these old mares on board.
474
00:26:44,937 --> 00:26:46,439
Oh, you'll be impressed.
475
00:26:47,857 --> 00:26:48,858
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
476
00:26:50,443 --> 00:26:52,945
Gentlemen, good to see you.
477
00:26:54,822 --> 00:26:58,701
Do you want to explain yourself,
Congressman? What is going on?
478
00:26:58,993 --> 00:27:00,912
Oh, these
479
00:27:00,995 --> 00:27:02,580
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
480
00:27:02,663 --> 00:27:04,332
Are birds.
481
00:27:04,415 --> 00:27:06,959
What are they doing here?
How did they get in here?
482
00:27:07,043 --> 00:27:09,837
Well, that is an excellent question.
483
00:27:09,921 --> 00:27:13,174
And my response to said question is,
484
00:27:13,257 --> 00:27:15,176
they are trained
485
00:27:16,010 --> 00:27:18,179
aviaries, sir.
486
00:27:18,262 --> 00:27:19,263
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
487
00:27:19,347 --> 00:27:22,683
Let me make you see
what I'm talking about.
488
00:27:24,185 --> 00:27:29,482
I can make any sort of movement,
and they will not get off!
489
00:27:29,565 --> 00:27:31,859
Do you have a point, Congressman?
490
00:27:31,943 --> 00:27:34,070
Hey, guys, what's the point?
491
00:27:36,072 --> 00:27:37,240
What's my point?
492
00:27:37,323 --> 00:27:38,574
(EXCLAIMING IN PAIN)
493
00:27:38,658 --> 00:27:40,034
I'll tell you.
494
00:27:40,117 --> 00:27:42,286
The point is
495
00:27:44,664 --> 00:27:46,749
that man
496
00:27:47,583 --> 00:27:51,420
needs to dominate creatures
497
00:27:51,504 --> 00:27:54,757
and, ultimately, man must
498
00:27:55,716 --> 00:27:59,095
dictate what happens in this country.
499
00:28:02,098 --> 00:28:03,099
(SIGHING)
500
00:28:03,182 --> 00:28:04,892
God bless America.
501
00:28:05,685 --> 00:28:07,436
(BIRDS CAWING)
502
00:28:07,520 --> 00:28:08,813
I couldn't agree more.
503
00:28:08,896 --> 00:28:11,649
- You have got to be kidding me.
- CONGRESSMAN: No, of course not.
504
00:28:11,732 --> 00:28:15,486
We lost a huge project last year
because of the red-headed woodpecker.
505
00:28:15,570 --> 00:28:17,530
Those environmentalists got so up in arms
506
00:28:17,613 --> 00:28:20,366
over the potential disappearance
of one stupid bird...
507
00:28:20,449 --> 00:28:21,909
Yeah, birds are stupid sometimes.
508
00:28:21,993 --> 00:28:24,704
...we lost over $25 million in business.
509
00:28:24,787 --> 00:28:27,707
I see where you're going with this,
Congressman. Good work!
510
00:28:27,790 --> 00:28:31,794
Your little display has obviously hit a chord.
Gentlemen.
511
00:28:32,461 --> 00:28:33,796
(LONG CHUCKLING)
512
00:28:35,381 --> 00:28:40,678
From now on, let's keep the surprises
to a maximum of, say, none. Understood?
513
00:28:40,761 --> 00:28:42,763
Yes, sir. Absolutely, sir.
514
00:28:42,930 --> 00:28:44,640
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
515
00:28:52,732 --> 00:28:55,860
Evan, that was brilliant. Risky, but brilliant.
516
00:28:56,694 --> 00:28:57,695
(MARTY EXCLAIMING IN DELIGHT)
517
00:28:58,487 --> 00:28:59,572
What the...
518
00:28:59,655 --> 00:29:04,660
I'll tell you one thing, these birds had
a nice big meal before they flew in here.
519
00:29:04,744 --> 00:29:06,120
You want me to get my BB gun?
520
00:29:06,203 --> 00:29:08,289
You know what I want you to do?
I want you to open the door.
521
00:29:08,372 --> 00:29:10,583
- Open the door?
- Just open the door!
522
00:29:10,666 --> 00:29:13,085
Close the door after I leave! Just do it!
523
00:29:13,169 --> 00:29:14,170
Okay.
524
00:29:14,253 --> 00:29:17,173
One, two, three!
525
00:29:23,012 --> 00:29:26,515
Man, if I get the bird flu,
he is paying for my medical bills!
526
00:29:26,933 --> 00:29:27,934
(TIRES SCREECHING)
527
00:29:32,521 --> 00:29:33,898
(GASPS)
528
00:29:33,981 --> 00:29:34,982
(TIRES SCREECHING)
529
00:29:35,691 --> 00:29:36,734
(SHEEP BLEATING)
530
00:29:36,817 --> 00:29:38,653
Sheep!
531
00:29:38,736 --> 00:29:39,737
(RACCOONS CHATTERING)
532
00:29:40,738 --> 00:29:41,739
(GASPS)
533
00:29:44,867 --> 00:29:45,868
(HISSING)
534
00:29:47,536 --> 00:29:49,372
Oh, no.
535
00:29:55,544 --> 00:29:57,338
Oh, gosh.
536
00:29:58,130 --> 00:29:59,465
(EXCLAIMING)
537
00:29:59,548 --> 00:30:01,384
Go, go, go! Get out!
538
00:30:04,345 --> 00:30:06,222
(EVAN SCREAMING)
539
00:30:24,115 --> 00:30:25,116
(DONKEY BRAYING)
540
00:30:26,242 --> 00:30:27,243
(COWS MOOING)
541
00:30:27,326 --> 00:30:28,703
Okay. No.
542
00:30:28,911 --> 00:30:30,162
(EVAN EXCLAIMING)
543
00:30:30,246 --> 00:30:33,582
No. No.
544
00:30:35,292 --> 00:30:38,129
I'm not doing this. It's insane!
545
00:30:39,171 --> 00:30:40,381
No!
546
00:30:41,257 --> 00:30:43,009
Enough already!
547
00:30:43,092 --> 00:30:45,553
See, if you had an ark,
you'd have a place to put them all.
548
00:30:45,636 --> 00:30:47,388
Why are you doing this? Why me?
549
00:30:47,471 --> 00:30:48,472
(HORSE WHINNYING)
550
00:30:48,556 --> 00:30:49,515
(SHEEP BLEATING)
551
00:30:49,598 --> 00:30:52,977
It's not time yet. Go on. Go on.
552
00:30:53,602 --> 00:30:54,895
Yeah, go on.
553
00:30:54,979 --> 00:30:58,190
So how about it?
Feel like living on the edge?
554
00:31:04,989 --> 00:31:06,282
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
555
00:31:08,034 --> 00:31:11,495
Beautiful, isn't it?
I remember creating this valley.
556
00:31:12,288 --> 00:31:15,041
Notice how the mountains line up east
to west.
557
00:31:15,124 --> 00:31:17,460
That's so there'd be lots of sunshine.
558
00:31:17,543 --> 00:31:19,003
Where are we?
559
00:31:19,336 --> 00:31:20,421
(CHUCKLING)
560
00:31:20,504 --> 00:31:22,214
Don't recognize it, eh?
561
00:31:22,423 --> 00:31:23,424
No.
562
00:31:23,841 --> 00:31:27,720
This is where you live, son.
This is Prestige Crest.
563
00:31:29,180 --> 00:31:31,974
I wanted you to see the original design.
564
00:31:46,155 --> 00:31:49,742
So, you're really him, aren't you?
565
00:31:49,825 --> 00:31:53,079
You want more proof? I haven't done
the pillar of salt thing in a while.
566
00:31:53,162 --> 00:31:56,916
That's all right. I believe you. I just...
I don't understand why you chose me.
567
00:31:56,999 --> 00:31:59,460
You want to change the world, son.
568
00:32:00,002 --> 00:32:01,462
So do I.
569
00:32:04,840 --> 00:32:08,427
What? Well, why an ark?
I mean, that's like flood territory.
570
00:32:08,511 --> 00:32:12,807
You wouldn't do that again.
You wouldn't do that. Would you do that?
571
00:32:12,890 --> 00:32:15,643
Let's just say that whatever I do,
572
00:32:16,352 --> 00:32:18,354
I do because I love you.
573
00:32:19,021 --> 00:32:23,484
Well, then you have to understand
that this whole building-an-ark thing
574
00:32:23,567 --> 00:32:25,069
is really not part of my plans here.
575
00:32:25,152 --> 00:32:28,030
I need to settle into my house.
I need to make a good impression at work.
576
00:32:28,114 --> 00:32:29,532
(LAUGHING)
577
00:32:29,615 --> 00:32:30,825
What?
578
00:32:31,200 --> 00:32:33,244
Your plans. That's just...
579
00:32:35,538 --> 00:32:36,914
What are you talking...
580
00:32:36,997 --> 00:32:39,458
We're talking about an ark, right?
I mean, an ark?
581
00:32:39,542 --> 00:32:43,045
An ark is huge!
I don't even know where I would begin!
582
00:32:43,420 --> 00:32:44,922
Well, I hear that a lot.
583
00:32:45,005 --> 00:32:48,634
People want to change the world,
don't know how to begin.
584
00:32:52,054 --> 00:32:55,057
You want to know
how to change the world, son?
585
00:32:55,141 --> 00:32:57,768
One act of random kindness at a time.
586
00:33:06,569 --> 00:33:07,862
Build the ark.
587
00:33:07,945 --> 00:33:11,031
I'll tell you what. You build it, I'll fill it.
588
00:33:11,574 --> 00:33:16,453
And if anybody asks, tell them
a flood's coming.
589
00:33:18,247 --> 00:33:20,749
Oh, and you might need this.
590
00:33:24,879 --> 00:33:28,924
Well, okay. Okay, so what do I do?
I grab the wood and...
591
00:33:29,008 --> 00:33:30,509
Well, okay.
592
00:33:30,593 --> 00:33:33,929
You know, that's just cruel.
593
00:33:35,472 --> 00:33:36,974
Do you see him?
594
00:33:38,142 --> 00:33:39,602
I don't see him.
595
00:33:40,436 --> 00:33:44,106
"Building an Ark the Old-Fashioned Way."
596
00:33:46,609 --> 00:33:49,695
"God is the creator of the Heavens
and the Earth.
597
00:33:49,778 --> 00:33:54,658
"He lives in all things and has over
six billion seven hundred million children."
598
00:34:03,792 --> 00:34:04,793
(ALARM RINGING)
599
00:34:15,221 --> 00:34:16,222
(EXCLAIMING)
600
00:34:16,639 --> 00:34:19,391
JOAN: Honey? You okay?
You need something?
601
00:34:21,435 --> 00:34:24,730
No, nothing. Just dropped something.
602
00:34:57,846 --> 00:34:59,765
(EXCLAIMING)
603
00:35:00,933 --> 00:35:02,393
Okay. Okay.
604
00:35:09,400 --> 00:35:10,776
Yeah.
605
00:35:10,859 --> 00:35:13,862
There we go. Okay.
606
00:35:19,785 --> 00:35:20,786
(EXCLAIMS)
607
00:35:20,869 --> 00:35:24,415
Come on. I mean, a beard?
A beard's so dirty.
608
00:35:26,250 --> 00:35:27,293
Gross!
609
00:35:27,376 --> 00:35:29,545
JOAN: ...packing, so it would
really help me out if you would...
610
00:35:29,628 --> 00:35:31,839
- Good morning.
- Hey, hey, hey, good morning.
611
00:35:31,922 --> 00:35:32,923
(CHUCKLING)
612
00:35:33,007 --> 00:35:34,091
Wow.
613
00:35:34,675 --> 00:35:36,802
What's with the scruffle, mountain man?
614
00:35:36,885 --> 00:35:42,308
Oh, well, you know, I figured it was
a weekend, and I thought...
615
00:35:42,391 --> 00:35:43,475
JOAN: What?
616
00:35:43,559 --> 00:35:44,560
(MUTTERING)
617
00:35:44,643 --> 00:35:45,853
(BOTH GIGGLING)
618
00:35:45,936 --> 00:35:49,231
Honey, did I miss something?
How long have you been growing that?
619
00:35:49,315 --> 00:35:50,316
(DOOR BELL RINGING)
620
00:35:50,399 --> 00:35:52,067
I'll get the door!
621
00:35:52,901 --> 00:35:55,654
- Congratulations!
- What are you talking about?
622
00:35:55,738 --> 00:35:58,615
The lots. You bought the lots next door!
623
00:35:58,699 --> 00:36:00,367
Hello!
624
00:36:06,457 --> 00:36:11,086
And pulling the down payment out of
your home equity? Very gutsy move.
625
00:36:11,170 --> 00:36:13,297
I didn't do that, did I?
626
00:36:13,380 --> 00:36:15,924
You sure did. So what's your plan?
What are you gonna do?
627
00:36:16,008 --> 00:36:18,802
Turn them for a quick profit?
Build them out on spec?
628
00:36:20,095 --> 00:36:23,724
Who wants champagne? Hip, hip hooray!
629
00:36:23,849 --> 00:36:24,850
(EVE WHOOPING)
630
00:36:26,977 --> 00:36:28,354
You bought eight lots?
631
00:36:28,437 --> 00:36:30,898
Yup. I was going to surprise you.
632
00:36:32,232 --> 00:36:35,569
"Surprise, surprise, surprise." Gomer Pyle.
633
00:36:36,236 --> 00:36:37,529
(LAUGHING)
634
00:36:37,613 --> 00:36:40,157
What are you doing? We can't afford that.
635
00:36:40,240 --> 00:36:42,618
Hey, Mom.
John Lennon, good to see you again.
636
00:36:42,701 --> 00:36:44,286
Good to see you.
637
00:36:44,370 --> 00:36:45,537
(EXHALING)
638
00:36:45,621 --> 00:36:49,208
And eight lots?
What are you going to do with eight lots?
639
00:36:49,958 --> 00:36:52,878
I don't know. Maybe I'll build a boat.
640
00:36:52,961 --> 00:36:54,755
Did you say "build a boat"?
641
00:36:54,838 --> 00:36:56,673
It might be something fun for the family.
642
00:36:56,757 --> 00:36:59,802
We could take the boat,
go sailing on the lake.
643
00:37:00,969 --> 00:37:02,971
It'd be great in case it floods or something.
644
00:37:03,055 --> 00:37:05,057
What is going on with you?
645
00:37:05,474 --> 00:37:09,269
You bought all those lots
and you're talking about building a boat.
646
00:37:09,353 --> 00:37:11,230
- Yeah.
- And you grow this crazy beard!
647
00:37:11,313 --> 00:37:12,898
Is this, like, a midlife crisis?
648
00:37:12,981 --> 00:37:14,316
It's not that bad!
649
00:37:14,400 --> 00:37:15,401
- It's not?
- No.
650
00:37:15,484 --> 00:37:17,319
Why do you think they call it a crisis?
651
00:37:17,403 --> 00:37:18,570
(KIDS CLAMORING)
652
00:37:18,654 --> 00:37:21,156
Hey, keep it down, you guys! Okay?
653
00:37:22,324 --> 00:37:23,742
Oh, my God.
654
00:37:23,826 --> 00:37:26,745
- Honey?
- Oh, my God.
655
00:37:27,955 --> 00:37:28,997
Honey?
656
00:37:29,081 --> 00:37:30,082
(SNIFFLING)
657
00:37:31,041 --> 00:37:33,085
I know this sounds crazy.
658
00:37:34,169 --> 00:37:36,588
I really think I need to do this.
659
00:37:40,175 --> 00:37:41,385
Okay.
660
00:37:42,177 --> 00:37:43,804
Build your boat.
661
00:37:44,888 --> 00:37:47,266
Just don't take too long, okay?
662
00:37:47,349 --> 00:37:52,604
Because we didn't leave our lives in Buffalo
so you could sail the S.S. Depression.
663
00:37:58,277 --> 00:37:59,278
(THUDDING)
664
00:38:12,082 --> 00:38:13,417
Here we go.
665
00:38:13,500 --> 00:38:16,837
Gentlemen, I'm sure you're all wondering
why I've assembled you here today.
666
00:38:16,920 --> 00:38:19,673
An Argentine lake duck has a penis
as long as its body.
667
00:38:19,756 --> 00:38:21,758
Wow, that's huge. He must be proud.
668
00:38:21,842 --> 00:38:26,430
So, I have come up with a little
construction project for us this weekend.
669
00:38:26,513 --> 00:38:29,057
- The whole weekend?
- The whole weekend. Yes!
670
00:38:29,141 --> 00:38:30,893
And maybe a couple weekends after that.
671
00:38:30,976 --> 00:38:33,061
I can do this. Help!
672
00:38:33,145 --> 00:38:34,313
(GRUNTING)
673
00:38:34,396 --> 00:38:37,649
How do I stand up with a piece of wood?
Here we go.
674
00:38:37,733 --> 00:38:38,775
(JUST LIKE NOAH'S ARK PLAYING)
675
00:38:38,859 --> 00:38:40,527
Oh, man. Okay, that's good.
676
00:38:40,611 --> 00:38:41,612
(GROANING)
677
00:38:42,070 --> 00:38:45,824
Mother! Father! Sister! Brother! Wow!
678
00:38:45,908 --> 00:38:47,534
EVAN: Keep it straight.
679
00:38:48,744 --> 00:38:49,745
(GRUNTING)
680
00:38:50,954 --> 00:38:52,581
Hey, Dad, he's back!
681
00:38:52,664 --> 00:38:54,458
Ryan, no, don't do...
682
00:38:56,418 --> 00:38:59,338
Leverage it up! Leverage. Okay.
683
00:38:59,421 --> 00:39:01,006
Just put some leverage.
You got to put some body weight.
684
00:39:01,089 --> 00:39:03,175
Ready? One, two, three. Come on.
685
00:39:03,759 --> 00:39:04,760
(WOOD SNAPPING)
686
00:39:04,885 --> 00:39:05,886
(EXCLAIMING)
687
00:39:06,053 --> 00:39:07,095
(THUDDING)
688
00:39:07,179 --> 00:39:08,764
Oh, I'm an idiot.
689
00:39:08,847 --> 00:39:12,267
"Nice to meet you, Mr. Congressman.
Why do you have raw beef hands?"
690
00:39:12,351 --> 00:39:14,394
"Well, I'm building an ark."
691
00:39:15,687 --> 00:39:16,813
(GROANING)
692
00:39:16,897 --> 00:39:20,234
I got a boo-boo! I got a boo-boo!
I got a boo-boo!
693
00:39:26,031 --> 00:39:30,911
You ever hear of Home Depot?
Here we go! Here we go! Oh, yeah!
694
00:39:31,036 --> 00:39:32,663
(SCATTING)
695
00:39:32,955 --> 00:39:33,956
(THUDDING)
696
00:39:34,456 --> 00:39:35,457
(GRUNTING)
697
00:39:35,582 --> 00:39:38,126
(GROANING)
698
00:39:41,129 --> 00:39:45,133
All right. So our little Marlboro Man moment
didn't work out so well.
699
00:39:45,217 --> 00:39:47,928
It's a disaster. I don't know
how to build something like this.
700
00:39:48,011 --> 00:39:49,763
That's easy. Just don't.
701
00:39:49,846 --> 00:39:51,598
(EXCLAIMING IN PAIN)
702
00:39:54,184 --> 00:39:55,227
Wow.
703
00:39:55,310 --> 00:39:56,311
(PHONE RINGING)
704
00:39:56,812 --> 00:39:58,146
Hello.
705
00:39:58,230 --> 00:40:01,316
Yes, Marty.
Your fearless leader is right here.
706
00:40:02,484 --> 00:40:03,652
Hey, Marty, what's up?
707
00:40:13,120 --> 00:40:15,664
Yes, I'll tell him. Thank you.
708
00:40:18,917 --> 00:40:21,628
I might need security. Thank you.
709
00:40:23,880 --> 00:40:26,508
- Can I help you?
- Rita, it's me.
710
00:40:27,050 --> 00:40:30,596
Why do you sound like Evan Baxter,
but look like a Bee Gee?
711
00:40:30,679 --> 00:40:32,347
Okay. All right.
712
00:40:32,639 --> 00:40:35,475
Okay, that's great. It's longer.
713
00:40:35,559 --> 00:40:38,520
Oh, my God. It is you.
714
00:40:39,021 --> 00:40:41,273
Evan, what happened?
715
00:40:41,356 --> 00:40:43,400
- Did you fall in a mine shaft?
- No.
716
00:40:43,483 --> 00:40:45,569
- Did you just come out of a coma?
- No.
717
00:40:45,652 --> 00:40:47,863
Were you attacked by a werewolf?
718
00:40:47,946 --> 00:40:49,114
No, I wasn't.
719
00:40:49,197 --> 00:40:52,159
Well, if you were going for that rugged look,
you overshot it.
720
00:40:52,242 --> 00:40:53,785
You look like a bum in a suit.
721
00:40:53,869 --> 00:40:55,871
You need Supercuts and a shave.
722
00:40:56,121 --> 00:40:57,331
(EXCLAIMING)
723
00:40:57,414 --> 00:40:59,625
Right! Yeah. But I can't. It doesn't work.
724
00:40:59,708 --> 00:41:02,753
- What do you mean, it doesn't work?
- It doesn't work!
725
00:41:02,836 --> 00:41:04,463
What? Are you shooting up Rogaine?
726
00:41:04,546 --> 00:41:08,925
Rita, if Evan shows up... I'm sorry, sir.
I'll be with you in just one...
727
00:41:09,009 --> 00:41:10,802
- Evan?
- Take it in. Take it in.
728
00:41:10,886 --> 00:41:12,638
Okay, yeah, to answer any questions
you may have,
729
00:41:12,721 --> 00:41:14,806
I am going through adult puberty!
730
00:41:14,890 --> 00:41:17,309
This is all temporary.
Why did you bring me down here?
731
00:41:17,392 --> 00:41:20,270
- What was so important?
- What is so important?
732
00:41:20,354 --> 00:41:22,939
I've got a letter of intent here
about Congressman Long's bill.
733
00:41:23,023 --> 00:41:24,024
You remember that, don't you?
734
00:41:24,107 --> 00:41:27,152
Well, you haven't been here and now
he wants you to sign this in person, Evan!
735
00:41:27,235 --> 00:41:29,488
No, I can't do that. Nope, nope, nope.
Not gonna happen.
736
00:41:29,571 --> 00:41:32,532
No. You can't do that.
Not looking like that. You have to go shave!
737
00:41:32,616 --> 00:41:34,826
I can't shave, Marty.
When I shave, it grows back out.
738
00:41:34,910 --> 00:41:37,871
That happens when you shave!
But then you shave again!
739
00:41:37,954 --> 00:41:39,539
You have no idea.
740
00:41:39,623 --> 00:41:42,626
Evan, what is going on?
741
00:41:42,709 --> 00:41:43,877
I'm...
742
00:41:48,423 --> 00:41:50,175
Building something.
743
00:41:51,677 --> 00:41:53,387
MARTY: You're building something?
744
00:41:53,470 --> 00:41:55,180
Well, I hope it's a barber shop.
745
00:41:55,263 --> 00:41:58,141
Guys, I can't let Long see me
this way, okay?
746
00:41:58,225 --> 00:42:01,937
You're gonna have to tell him I'm sick.
Just cover for me. Just help me out!
747
00:42:02,354 --> 00:42:03,355
(DOOR CLOSING)
748
00:42:04,606 --> 00:42:07,609
Come on, Evan, be reasonable.
You got to get rid of that beard.
749
00:42:07,693 --> 00:42:09,528
I need your face back. I need you back.
750
00:42:09,611 --> 00:42:11,196
Can you at least tell me
what you're building?
751
00:42:11,279 --> 00:42:13,240
- I'm building a boat.
- You're building a boat?
752
00:42:13,323 --> 00:42:16,201
Look, you got to cover for me.
I don't want anybody to see...
753
00:42:16,284 --> 00:42:18,495
Congressman! There you are!
754
00:42:18,578 --> 00:42:20,539
Congressman Long, I, I, I, I...
755
00:42:20,622 --> 00:42:23,500
Stop stammering, son.
We all play hooky from time to time.
756
00:42:23,583 --> 00:42:27,421
I'm not gonna turn you in to the principal.
Mostly because I am the principal.
757
00:42:27,504 --> 00:42:28,839
(LAUGHING)
758
00:42:28,922 --> 00:42:29,923
Very good.
759
00:42:30,006 --> 00:42:32,300
What's with the veil?
Did you get your new set of braces?
760
00:42:32,384 --> 00:42:35,762
No, no. No. That's hilarious, though.
761
00:42:35,846 --> 00:42:39,516
Would you drop that thing, son?
I can't understand a word you're saying.
762
00:42:48,191 --> 00:42:50,068
It's a wife thing, sir.
763
00:42:50,152 --> 00:42:52,779
Just trying to spice up the love life.
764
00:42:52,863 --> 00:42:55,240
She's a big Loggins and Messina fan.
765
00:42:55,323 --> 00:42:57,617
Keeping it fresh. Keeping it real.
766
00:42:57,701 --> 00:43:00,370
Would you excuse us for a moment?
767
00:43:00,454 --> 00:43:03,540
The Congressman and I are going
to have a little chat.
768
00:43:06,835 --> 00:43:08,003
Come on.
769
00:43:08,086 --> 00:43:10,255
Nice, isn't it? Politics is dog-eat-dog,
770
00:43:10,338 --> 00:43:12,966
but if you survive, they give you
a bigger den. Have a seat.
771
00:43:13,049 --> 00:43:17,095
So, tell me, Congressman,
are you freaking out on me or what?
772
00:43:17,179 --> 00:43:18,138
No, sir.
773
00:43:18,221 --> 00:43:21,516
Oh, come on, son. I hand you
your first cosponsorship of a bill,
774
00:43:21,600 --> 00:43:23,894
and when you finally show up
you look like the fifth Beatle.
775
00:43:23,977 --> 00:43:26,188
Now, you expect me to believe
everything is hunky dory?
776
00:43:26,271 --> 00:43:29,149
Well, sir, actually, things have been
a little more dory.
777
00:43:29,232 --> 00:43:33,403
Of course they are. I get it.
You know anything about animals, son?
778
00:43:34,613 --> 00:43:38,200
The Argentine lake duck has a penis
as long as its body.
779
00:43:39,701 --> 00:43:43,538
Although you probably already know that.
Or have heard it. Not experienced it.
780
00:43:43,622 --> 00:43:46,750
- You ever heard of the Arctic white wolf?
- No, sir.
781
00:43:46,833 --> 00:43:47,959
Top of the food chain.
782
00:43:48,043 --> 00:43:50,670
It's fast, it's smart, can fend for itself,
but it chooses not to.
783
00:43:50,754 --> 00:43:52,339
It chooses to run with a pack.
784
00:43:52,422 --> 00:43:54,549
- And do you know why?
- No.
785
00:43:54,633 --> 00:43:57,177
The Arctic white wolf,
Congressman, realizes
786
00:43:57,260 --> 00:43:59,012
that it is stronger as part of a group.
787
00:43:59,095 --> 00:44:02,015
Do you know what happens when one of
these wolves decides to fend for itself?
788
00:44:02,098 --> 00:44:04,893
The pack kills the loner
for the greater good of the community.
789
00:44:04,976 --> 00:44:06,645
Ouch, that hurts.
790
00:44:06,728 --> 00:44:09,981
Are you familiar with Jim Jenkins,
the junior congressman from Tennessee?
791
00:44:10,065 --> 00:44:13,485
When I met Congressman Jenkins,
he was fresh off the turnip truck,
792
00:44:13,568 --> 00:44:15,487
but now he's sitting on his own committee.
793
00:44:15,570 --> 00:44:18,907
Congressman Jenkins, Congressman
Whitehall, Congressman Freeman,
794
00:44:18,990 --> 00:44:22,536
they all have committee chairs
because they all run with the pack.
795
00:44:22,619 --> 00:44:24,871
Now, you have to come to a decision.
796
00:44:24,955 --> 00:44:27,165
Are you gonna run with the pack
or are you gonna lone wolf it?
797
00:44:27,249 --> 00:44:29,417
I am a pack man, sir.
798
00:44:29,501 --> 00:44:33,588
Good. I'm introducing the CINPLAN bill
in 2 weeks. C-SPAN is covering it live.
799
00:44:33,672 --> 00:44:35,799
I want your full support and nothing else.
800
00:44:35,882 --> 00:44:37,384
Yes, sir.
801
00:44:38,009 --> 00:44:40,846
Those fish are on you like bait on a hook.
802
00:44:42,138 --> 00:44:43,807
Birds follow you.
803
00:44:44,724 --> 00:44:46,351
Fish follow you.
804
00:44:50,105 --> 00:44:53,233
Let's see if we can get some congressmen
to follow you.
805
00:44:53,316 --> 00:44:55,360
Let's get this bill passed,
shall we, Congressman?
806
00:44:55,443 --> 00:44:56,778
Yes, sir.
807
00:44:58,655 --> 00:45:00,365
Hey, fleabag, out of the way.
808
00:45:00,448 --> 00:45:02,450
Hey, Dad, I think there are more animals
than yesterday.
809
00:45:02,534 --> 00:45:04,911
Well, let's not keep our audience waiting,
shall we?
810
00:45:04,995 --> 00:45:06,371
(MOOING)
811
00:45:06,454 --> 00:45:07,706
(SNORTING)
812
00:45:07,789 --> 00:45:12,127
Up, up. Push it up. Push it.
We got it. We got it. Oh, yeah, yeah.
813
00:45:12,919 --> 00:45:15,630
Come on. Just let it go, just let it go.
814
00:45:19,050 --> 00:45:21,469
Dad, we can do this,
but we're gonna need some help.
815
00:45:21,553 --> 00:45:24,806
I know. We just need something
to lift those beams.
816
00:45:24,890 --> 00:45:25,891
(SIGHING)
817
00:45:27,142 --> 00:45:28,560
Like that?
818
00:45:28,643 --> 00:45:30,228
RYAN: Holy moly!
819
00:45:30,312 --> 00:45:31,313
(RYAN CHUCKLING)
820
00:45:31,521 --> 00:45:33,940
RYAN: This is so totally awesome!
821
00:45:34,024 --> 00:45:35,567
JORDAN: This is perfect.
822
00:45:35,650 --> 00:45:37,444
DYLAN: Dad, there's a note.
823
00:45:43,408 --> 00:45:44,993
Let me see that.
824
00:45:47,579 --> 00:45:49,205
How does it work?
825
00:45:56,755 --> 00:45:58,632
RYAN: Dad, this is really weird.
826
00:45:58,715 --> 00:46:01,009
Repeat after me, "We are hamsters!"
827
00:46:01,092 --> 00:46:02,719
- We are hamsters!
- We are hamsters!
828
00:46:02,802 --> 00:46:04,429
Leg power!
829
00:46:04,512 --> 00:46:05,972
- Leg power!
- Leg power!
830
00:46:06,765 --> 00:46:07,766
And it's in!
831
00:46:07,849 --> 00:46:08,850
(WHOOPING)
832
00:46:08,934 --> 00:46:10,185
That's it.
833
00:46:10,268 --> 00:46:12,020
(REVOLUTION PLAYING)
834
00:46:12,187 --> 00:46:15,023
Hey, who has opposable thumbs? Anybody?
835
00:46:19,903 --> 00:46:22,948
You want to try this one?
Make sure it's straight.
836
00:46:23,031 --> 00:46:24,616
RYAN: This is awesome!
JORDAN: This is so cool.
837
00:46:24,699 --> 00:46:26,701
EVAN: Here we go.
RYAN: Oh, my God!
838
00:46:27,118 --> 00:46:30,372
Yeah. Gotta do the dance.
Come on, let's do the dance.
839
00:46:31,706 --> 00:46:33,541
- We're doing the dance.
- JORDAN: Dylan, come on. Do the dance.
840
00:46:33,625 --> 00:46:36,378
EVAN: Come on, do the dance.
DYLAN: I'm not doing the dance.
841
00:46:36,795 --> 00:46:37,796
(EXCLAIMS)
842
00:46:39,089 --> 00:46:40,090
(CHATTERING)
843
00:46:40,507 --> 00:46:42,717
- Don't scratch!
- Stop it. Come here.
844
00:46:42,801 --> 00:46:46,304
EVAN: Insult to injury! My!
845
00:46:46,388 --> 00:46:48,431
- Good boy.
- Okay, guys. A little bit more.
846
00:46:48,515 --> 00:46:51,518
Here we go. I got it. Keep it... That's it!
847
00:46:52,560 --> 00:46:53,812
Beautiful!
848
00:46:53,895 --> 00:46:54,896
(DOG BARKING)
849
00:46:55,563 --> 00:46:56,898
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
850
00:46:58,900 --> 00:47:01,486
EVAN: You guys all right?
BOYS: Yup.
851
00:47:18,837 --> 00:47:19,921
"G."
852
00:47:32,642 --> 00:47:34,102
(EVAN MUMBLING)
853
00:47:39,232 --> 00:47:42,193
Well, I hope this isn't our last supper.
854
00:47:42,277 --> 00:47:45,155
MAN ON TV: There's no sign
of our heat wave breaking,
855
00:47:45,238 --> 00:47:47,032
so this dry, hot weather will continue.
856
00:47:47,115 --> 00:47:50,035
GOD: Until September 22, midday.
857
00:47:50,118 --> 00:47:53,246
If the ark isn't finished by then, you will be.
858
00:47:53,621 --> 00:47:56,958
Is that when it's going to happen?
September 22, midday?
859
00:47:57,042 --> 00:47:59,377
MAN OVER TV: High temperatures
tomorrow back into the 90s everywhere,
860
00:47:59,461 --> 00:48:00,628
right on through Tuesday
861
00:48:00,712 --> 00:48:04,215
and the next seven days,
no showers, no storms.
862
00:48:04,299 --> 00:48:08,470
That would be a good day to have chicken.
How about Mom's chicken?
863
00:48:08,553 --> 00:48:12,223
Hon, could we have some more chicken
September 22, midday?
864
00:48:12,891 --> 00:48:16,269
Boys, will you excuse us, please?
Your father and I need to have a little talk.
865
00:48:16,352 --> 00:48:17,896
Busted.
866
00:48:17,979 --> 00:48:20,648
- RYAN: Dad, you're busted.
- Yeah, I know.
867
00:48:22,275 --> 00:48:24,944
- What are you doing?
- Do we have anything unleavened?
868
00:48:25,028 --> 00:48:28,573
Yeah, we do, it's in the back,
next to the frankincense and myrrh.
869
00:48:28,656 --> 00:48:31,826
We have a fancy name for it in this century,
it's called pita.
870
00:48:32,410 --> 00:48:36,706
- Got it.
- Evan, what is happening to you?
871
00:48:36,790 --> 00:48:40,126
Don't! No! Just put it down! Look at you.
872
00:48:40,210 --> 00:48:45,632
The hair. Are you on something?
Is it a mega-growth hormone? What?
873
00:48:47,217 --> 00:48:48,885
Evan, talk to me.
874
00:48:52,013 --> 00:48:53,014
(SIGHING)
875
00:48:57,310 --> 00:48:59,145
I'm building an ark.
876
00:49:00,897 --> 00:49:02,690
What does that mean?
877
00:49:04,109 --> 00:49:08,071
God appeared to me
and told me to build an ark.
878
00:49:08,154 --> 00:49:12,075
He said there was going to be a flood
and that I should be prepared.
879
00:49:12,158 --> 00:49:14,619
Whenever I shave,
my beard grows right back out.
880
00:49:14,702 --> 00:49:19,749
My hair grows longer every day.
This robe... God sent me the robe.
881
00:49:19,833 --> 00:49:22,127
He thought it would be funny.
882
00:49:22,210 --> 00:49:26,965
I actually think it's really comfortable.
That's why I'm wearing it.
883
00:49:28,716 --> 00:49:31,219
The beard, the robe.
884
00:49:32,303 --> 00:49:33,721
You're Noah?
885
00:49:35,306 --> 00:49:37,267
Yeah, kind of.
886
00:49:37,350 --> 00:49:39,686
- Mom!
- Not now, Noah!
887
00:49:41,104 --> 00:49:43,231
- Dylan.
- Okay.
888
00:49:46,818 --> 00:49:50,280
We left everything behind to come here.
889
00:49:50,363 --> 00:49:54,117
Maybe that's put too much pressure on you.
I don't know.
890
00:49:54,200 --> 00:49:58,663
But this has got to stop. Please.
You're scaring me.
891
00:49:58,746 --> 00:50:03,418
The boys need their father back,
and I need my husband back.
892
00:50:09,090 --> 00:50:10,091
(SIGHING)
893
00:50:16,055 --> 00:50:17,932
(SHARP DRESSED MAN PLAYING)
894
00:50:20,643 --> 00:50:23,605
Yes. Successful. Powerful.
Handsome. Happy.
895
00:50:23,688 --> 00:50:26,524
Successful. Powerful. Handsome. Happy.
896
00:50:36,075 --> 00:50:37,577
Good morning!
897
00:50:42,457 --> 00:50:44,083
Cold today, huh?
898
00:50:47,003 --> 00:50:48,254
(EXCLAIMS)
899
00:50:55,470 --> 00:50:56,721
"Back to work"?
900
00:51:00,308 --> 00:51:05,980
Okay. All right. You want me
to wear the robe? I'll wear the robe.
901
00:51:07,023 --> 00:51:10,318
Two can play this game.
902
00:51:20,995 --> 00:51:22,997
Pièce de résistance.
903
00:51:24,916 --> 00:51:27,460
The student has become the teacher.
904
00:51:30,505 --> 00:51:31,756
(HAMMER BANGING)
905
00:51:31,839 --> 00:51:33,258
This meeting will come to order.
906
00:51:33,341 --> 00:51:34,592
Rita, any sign of him?
907
00:51:34,676 --> 00:51:36,970
Marty, I told you,
I will let you know as soon as...
908
00:51:37,053 --> 00:51:40,348
You know what? You got me. He's here.
We're in the middle of a yoga class.
909
00:51:40,431 --> 00:51:42,267
Rita, this is no time for jokes.
I'm not kidding.
910
00:51:42,350 --> 00:51:44,727
If he's not in that meeting,
we're all out of a job.
911
00:51:44,811 --> 00:51:47,480
Wait a minute.
Let me finish my sun salutation.
912
00:51:52,402 --> 00:51:57,865
- Marty! Sorry I'm late. Come on, let's go.
- What is that?
913
00:51:57,949 --> 00:52:01,577
Making lemonade out of lemons.
Pick up your phone! Come on!
914
00:52:01,661 --> 00:52:04,956
LONG: At its heart,
this bill gives private citizens access
915
00:52:05,039 --> 00:52:07,083
to lands they technically already own.
916
00:52:07,166 --> 00:52:08,793
CONGRESSPERSON:
Will the Chairman yield?
917
00:52:08,876 --> 00:52:11,129
- Oh, look, there he is.
- Yup, yup, I see him.
918
00:52:11,212 --> 00:52:15,133
Access is just a word you're using
to hide what's really going on here.
919
00:52:15,216 --> 00:52:17,760
This is about development,
short and simple.
920
00:52:17,844 --> 00:52:22,974
Evan, what are you doing?
You have a pony tail on your face!
921
00:52:23,057 --> 00:52:25,435
What you gonna do next?
Cornrow your eyebrows?
922
00:52:25,518 --> 00:52:28,146
Development means
the advancement of jobs,
923
00:52:28,229 --> 00:52:31,858
an increase in domestic commerce.
If you happen to like those things,
924
00:52:31,941 --> 00:52:36,321
I invite you to join myself and
my cosponsors, Congressman Dodd,
925
00:52:38,531 --> 00:52:40,450
Congressman Hughes
926
00:52:41,743 --> 00:52:43,494
and Congressman Baxter.
927
00:52:45,997 --> 00:52:47,415
(PEOPLE GASPING)
928
00:52:47,915 --> 00:52:49,417
(ALL MURMURING)
929
00:52:56,424 --> 00:52:57,425
(GASPING)
930
00:53:02,221 --> 00:53:03,890
(PEOPLE LAUGHING)
931
00:53:04,766 --> 00:53:06,809
Did you just do a wardrobe change?
932
00:53:06,893 --> 00:53:09,896
What do you think this is, the Oscars?
You are not Whoopi.
933
00:53:09,979 --> 00:53:11,022
(HAMMER SLAMMING)
934
00:53:11,105 --> 00:53:13,483
LONG: Ladies and gentlemen! Please!
935
00:53:13,566 --> 00:53:14,567
(HAMMER SLAMMING)
936
00:53:14,650 --> 00:53:18,696
Please! Congressman Baxter has a tendency
to embrace the theatrical
937
00:53:18,780 --> 00:53:21,449
in his support of this bill.
Congressman, let me warn you,
938
00:53:21,532 --> 00:53:25,036
you are approximately 10 seconds away
from committee censure.
939
00:53:25,119 --> 00:53:28,664
Oh, no. Hey, would anyone mind
if I close the window?
940
00:53:36,964 --> 00:53:38,257
(WOMAN SCREAMING)
941
00:53:40,676 --> 00:53:41,677
(ROARING)
942
00:53:42,470 --> 00:53:44,055
(PEOPLE SCREAMING)
943
00:53:44,138 --> 00:53:45,139
(GROWLING)
944
00:53:56,317 --> 00:53:57,735
(HAMMER SLAMMING)
945
00:53:57,819 --> 00:54:02,073
LONG: Ladies and gentlemen! Please!
These animals are trained!
946
00:54:02,156 --> 00:54:03,908
I've seen this circus act before!
947
00:54:03,991 --> 00:54:06,911
Congressman, I'm sure St. Francis
would be envious.
948
00:54:07,036 --> 00:54:10,623
We, however, are not.
You have five seconds.
949
00:54:10,706 --> 00:54:13,543
You march yourself and your
little animal troupe out of here now
950
00:54:13,626 --> 00:54:15,503
or you will be forcibly removed.
951
00:54:15,586 --> 00:54:19,006
- I'm afraid I can't do that, sir.
- Congressman!
952
00:54:19,090 --> 00:54:22,427
- These animals are not trained.
- Congressman!
953
00:54:23,594 --> 00:54:27,723
- I think they want me to save them!
- Save them from what, Congressman?
954
00:54:27,849 --> 00:54:31,185
Saving the animals, okay.
I can roll with that. That's a good idea.
955
00:54:38,943 --> 00:54:39,986
The flood.
956
00:54:40,361 --> 00:54:42,864
A flood? Rolling out.
957
00:54:43,364 --> 00:54:44,699
CONGRESSPERSON: The flood.
958
00:54:44,782 --> 00:54:46,909
This has been the hottest, driest summer
on record
959
00:54:46,993 --> 00:54:48,619
and you say we're going to have a flood?
960
00:54:48,703 --> 00:54:52,206
- When might we expect this?
- September 22, midday.
961
00:54:52,290 --> 00:54:53,291
(CROWD CHATTERING)
962
00:54:56,127 --> 00:54:59,714
- That's what I was told.
- Might I ask who told you?
963
00:55:06,554 --> 00:55:10,183
Not in front of all those people.
Don't say it. Don't say it.
964
00:55:15,480 --> 00:55:16,814
God.
965
00:55:17,440 --> 00:55:18,441
(SOBBING)
966
00:55:21,611 --> 00:55:26,324
- God? You talk to God?
- Yes.
967
00:55:26,407 --> 00:55:31,078
- LONG: And God is talking back?
- Yeah. We hung out a little.
968
00:55:31,454 --> 00:55:33,748
Well, time to update the résumé.
969
00:55:33,831 --> 00:55:36,209
Congressman, your name is being removed
from this bill.
970
00:55:36,292 --> 00:55:39,712
Obviously, the stresses of this office
have proven too much for you.
971
00:55:39,795 --> 00:55:43,090
- Please have the congressman removed.
- No. Please! You don't understand!
972
00:55:43,174 --> 00:55:45,968
God commanded me to build an ark!
973
00:55:46,052 --> 00:55:48,638
It's going to rain!
There's going to be a flood!
974
00:55:50,097 --> 00:55:54,060
- Remove him now!
- We have to prepare ourselves!
975
00:55:54,143 --> 00:55:56,854
I need to finish the ark!
976
00:55:56,938 --> 00:55:57,980
(HAMMER SLAMMING)
977
00:55:58,064 --> 00:56:00,399
Remove him now!
978
00:56:06,656 --> 00:56:09,283
Does this mean we're moving back home?
979
00:56:09,575 --> 00:56:12,328
Home, Canada. One or the other.
980
00:56:22,797 --> 00:56:27,677
Joan? I know you probably saw
what happened, but I can explain.
981
00:56:31,931 --> 00:56:35,309
Take the stuff to the car, guys.
I'll be there in a minute.
982
00:56:37,562 --> 00:56:38,688
Guys?
983
00:56:40,356 --> 00:56:41,357
(DOOR OPENING)
984
00:56:42,275 --> 00:56:47,321
I'm gonna take them to my mother's.
Evan, I think you need help.
985
00:56:47,905 --> 00:56:52,702
Joan, please. I'm not doing this.
It's not me. It's him.
986
00:56:52,785 --> 00:56:56,080
I went to that meeting in a suit,
and he took it off of me.
987
00:56:56,163 --> 00:56:59,917
Those animals are following me
because of him.
988
00:57:00,001 --> 00:57:03,629
God?
Does God know he's destroying our lives?
989
00:57:03,713 --> 00:57:06,257
Does God know
he's going to get you fired?
990
00:57:06,340 --> 00:57:08,843
Yeah! He's trying to get me fired!
991
00:57:08,926 --> 00:57:12,054
He is trying to get me fired!
992
00:57:12,138 --> 00:57:14,307
That way I'll have more time
to work on the ark!
993
00:57:14,390 --> 00:57:16,892
Because the rain
and the floods are coming.
994
00:57:16,976 --> 00:57:20,396
No, I heard you, Evan.
The whole world heard you.
995
00:57:20,479 --> 00:57:23,107
Joan, please, you gotta believe me.
996
00:57:23,190 --> 00:57:24,358
(DRIZZLING)
997
00:57:25,568 --> 00:57:30,364
There it is! It's happening!
It's happening! It's raining!
998
00:57:47,882 --> 00:57:49,383
Goodbye, Evan.
999
00:57:51,010 --> 00:57:52,011
(ENGINE STARTING)
1000
00:57:52,720 --> 00:57:53,846
Joan!
1001
00:58:02,605 --> 00:58:07,193
I know! I know. Whatever you do,
you do because you love me!
1002
00:58:14,950 --> 00:58:17,787
Do me a favor. Love me less.
1003
00:58:19,163 --> 00:58:20,206
REPORTER: Congressman!
1004
00:58:20,289 --> 00:58:23,250
WOMAN: Are you concerned at all
about Congressman Baxter's tirade
1005
00:58:23,334 --> 00:58:25,002
and the adverse effects it may have
on your bill?
1006
00:58:25,086 --> 00:58:28,839
The day it rains and floods and
Congressman Baxter takes a ride on his ark,
1007
00:58:28,923 --> 00:58:30,925
that'll be the day I'll be concerned.
Thank you.
1008
00:58:31,008 --> 00:58:33,469
(WAITING ON THE WORLD
TO CHANGE PLAYING)
1009
00:58:34,929 --> 00:58:35,930
(BLEATING)
1010
00:58:36,013 --> 00:58:40,351
His name is Evan Baxter,
but now he goes by "New York's Noah,"
1011
00:58:40,434 --> 00:58:44,105
"Heaven's Evan,"
"The Weirdo with a Beardo."
1012
00:58:49,110 --> 00:58:52,780
Okay, guys. Watch it. Watch it.
Coming through. Watch your back.
1013
00:58:54,323 --> 00:58:58,119
Marty, will you comment on Congressman
Baxter's change of appearance?
1014
00:58:58,369 --> 00:59:02,206
Yes, his hair is long.
Yes, his beard is unshaven.
1015
00:59:02,289 --> 00:59:04,500
Are you equally stunned
by this man's appearance?
1016
00:59:10,923 --> 00:59:12,091
The way things go around here,
1017
00:59:12,174 --> 00:59:14,969
if he gets any crazier,
we may end up in the White House.
1018
00:59:15,302 --> 00:59:20,891
(REPORTER SPEAKING SPANISH)
1019
00:59:21,308 --> 00:59:23,978
Hey! No, no, no! That's my cup!
1020
00:59:25,521 --> 00:59:26,856
Whatever.
1021
00:59:47,668 --> 00:59:51,130
He's filling the boat
with two of every kind of animal.
1022
00:59:51,213 --> 00:59:54,508
Still to be collected,
two giraffes, two elephants
1023
00:59:55,634 --> 00:59:57,470
and one more jackass.
1024
01:00:00,681 --> 01:00:03,142
- What an idiot.
- He's a mook.
1025
01:00:03,225 --> 01:00:04,643
Jerks.
1026
01:00:05,394 --> 01:00:08,022
Don't worry about it, you guys.
Come on, eat up.
1027
01:00:08,105 --> 01:00:10,357
- Not hungry.
- Yeah, me neither.
1028
01:00:10,441 --> 01:00:12,735
You guys can't eat. I can't stop.
1029
01:00:12,818 --> 01:00:14,737
- Can I go to the bathroom?
- Me, too?
1030
01:00:14,820 --> 01:00:18,699
- Okay. Dylan, go with them. Please?
- Fine.
1031
01:00:21,410 --> 01:00:25,039
- Excuse me. Can I get a refill, please?
- Coming right up.
1032
01:00:26,123 --> 01:00:27,124
Thank you.
1033
01:00:27,208 --> 01:00:30,336
- Excuse me. Are you all right?
- Yeah.
1034
01:00:32,630 --> 01:00:36,050
- No. It's a long story.
- Well, I like stories.
1035
01:00:36,967 --> 01:00:40,012
I'm considered a bit of a storyteller myself.
1036
01:00:41,055 --> 01:00:44,183
My husband...
Have you heard of "New York's Noah"?
1037
01:00:45,768 --> 01:00:48,854
- The guy who's building the ark.
- That's him.
1038
01:00:48,938 --> 01:00:52,066
I love that story, Noah and the Ark.
1039
01:00:52,149 --> 01:00:53,734
You know, a lot of people miss the point
of that story.
1040
01:00:53,818 --> 01:00:56,403
They think it's about God's wrath and anger.
1041
01:00:56,737 --> 01:01:01,033
- They love it when God gets angry.
- What is the story about, then? The ark?
1042
01:01:01,116 --> 01:01:06,497
Well, I think it's a love story
about believing in each other.
1043
01:01:06,580 --> 01:01:12,294
You know, the animals showed up in pairs.
They stood by each other, side by side,
1044
01:01:12,378 --> 01:01:16,674
just like Noah and his family.
Everybody entered the ark side by side.
1045
01:01:17,758 --> 01:01:20,636
But my husband says God told him to do it.
1046
01:01:22,429 --> 01:01:25,933
- What do you do with that?
- Sounds like an opportunity.
1047
01:01:28,936 --> 01:01:31,188
Let me ask you something.
1048
01:01:31,272 --> 01:01:35,025
If someone prays for patience,
you think God gives them patience?
1049
01:01:35,109 --> 01:01:38,404
Or does he give them
the opportunity to be patient?
1050
01:01:40,114 --> 01:01:42,116
If they pray for courage,
does God give them courage,
1051
01:01:42,199 --> 01:01:45,536
or does he give them opportunities
to be courageous?
1052
01:01:46,996 --> 01:01:50,541
If someone prayed
for their family to be closer,
1053
01:01:50,624 --> 01:01:54,336
you think God zaps them
with warm, fuzzy feelings?
1054
01:01:54,420 --> 01:01:57,882
Or does he give them opportunities
to love each other?
1055
01:01:58,799 --> 01:01:59,967
(GASPS QUIETLY)
1056
01:02:00,050 --> 01:02:04,138
Well, I got to run.
A lot of people to serve. Enjoy.
1057
01:02:11,145 --> 01:02:14,189
JON: Guess this comes as no surprise to
those who remember his campaign promise,
1058
01:02:14,273 --> 01:02:16,025
"I will lower taxes,
1059
01:02:16,483 --> 01:02:18,652
"go crazy and build a gigantic ark."
1060
01:02:18,777 --> 01:02:19,778
(PEOPLE LAUGHING)
1061
01:02:26,702 --> 01:02:28,704
JOAN: Oh, my gosh.
1062
01:02:33,542 --> 01:02:35,586
- JOAN: Evan!
- Dad?
1063
01:02:35,669 --> 01:02:37,796
- Honey!
- Dad?
1064
01:02:37,880 --> 01:02:40,049
You guys, I'm up here.
1065
01:02:55,356 --> 01:02:56,357
(LAUGHING)
1066
01:02:56,815 --> 01:02:58,817
- Rough week?
- JORDAN: You look really funny.
1067
01:02:58,901 --> 01:03:02,237
- You look really old.
- Yeah, well, he is really old.
1068
01:03:03,989 --> 01:03:06,533
- Why'd you come back?
- It was the kids.
1069
01:03:06,617 --> 01:03:09,620
- Tell him, guys.
- We like you better as the crazy guy.
1070
01:03:09,703 --> 01:03:12,039
You spend time with us
and you're home a lot more.
1071
01:03:12,122 --> 01:03:15,250
Just, please don't make us do
the dance anymore.
1072
01:03:32,226 --> 01:03:33,227
(SIGHING)
1073
01:03:36,355 --> 01:03:40,818
I don't know what's going on,
or what you're going through,
1074
01:03:41,568 --> 01:03:47,241
but we got into this as a family
and we're gonna get out of it as a family,
1075
01:03:48,158 --> 01:03:49,827
side by side.
1076
01:03:57,251 --> 01:04:00,671
But, Evan, we have to talk about the ark.
It has to come down.
1077
01:04:00,754 --> 01:04:03,632
- I can't do that.
- You don't have a choice.
1078
01:04:04,008 --> 01:04:07,428
JOAN: Congressman Long went to the city.
There's a laundry list of code violations.
1079
01:04:07,594 --> 01:04:10,014
You have until September 22
to take it down,
1080
01:04:10,097 --> 01:04:12,016
or they'll take it down and arrest you.
1081
01:04:12,099 --> 01:04:15,602
- September 22. That's the day of the flood.
- Mom! Dad! Come here!
1082
01:04:21,984 --> 01:04:24,278
(ANIMALS CALLING)
1083
01:04:40,753 --> 01:04:43,213
Don't you dare take that ark down.
1084
01:04:45,799 --> 01:04:47,676
How are we gonna do this?
1085
01:04:47,760 --> 01:04:50,012
There's no way the five
of us can finish on time.
1086
01:04:50,095 --> 01:04:52,139
We don't have money to hire anybody else.
1087
01:04:52,222 --> 01:04:53,474
(ALPACA CRYING)
1088
01:04:57,269 --> 01:04:59,229
Is that a llama with a hammer?
1089
01:04:59,313 --> 01:05:03,400
An alpaca. They rarely spit at people
unless frightened or abused.
1090
01:05:05,235 --> 01:05:07,196
Let's finish this sucker.
1091
01:05:08,614 --> 01:05:09,615
(READYFOR A MIRACLE PLAYING)
1092
01:05:10,657 --> 01:05:11,700
(ELEPHANT TRUMPETING)
1093
01:05:11,784 --> 01:05:12,910
Come on, let's go.
1094
01:05:12,993 --> 01:05:14,411
WOMAN:
No one knows where they came from
1095
01:05:14,495 --> 01:05:16,288
or how the congressman is getting them
to do it,
1096
01:05:16,371 --> 01:05:22,252
but, two by two, animals of all kinds
are working with Godspeed to build this ark.
1097
01:05:22,336 --> 01:05:23,837
Thank you.
1098
01:05:23,921 --> 01:05:27,132
If this flood really does happen,
"Evan help us."
1099
01:05:28,759 --> 01:05:30,511
Hey! A little help?
1100
01:05:34,264 --> 01:05:35,307
Thanks.
1101
01:05:36,683 --> 01:05:37,684
JOAN: Here it is, hon.
1102
01:05:38,018 --> 01:05:39,019
(MONKEY GIBBERING)
1103
01:05:39,103 --> 01:05:41,855
Perfect. Thanks.
1104
01:05:45,734 --> 01:05:47,236
Hold it right there.
1105
01:05:47,319 --> 01:05:50,906
This is Ed Carson coming to you live
from New York Noah's construction site,
1106
01:05:50,989 --> 01:05:56,078
where we are unable to leave the news van
due to hazardous conditions outside.
1107
01:05:59,206 --> 01:06:00,207
- High five.
- High five.
1108
01:06:00,290 --> 01:06:01,291
Good job.
1109
01:06:01,959 --> 01:06:03,669
Hey, putty tat.
1110
01:06:05,963 --> 01:06:07,631
(SHRIEKING)
1111
01:06:07,714 --> 01:06:10,551
Go, go, go! He tried to eat me!
1112
01:06:10,843 --> 01:06:13,554
Dylan! Jordan! Check it out!
Your mom's building an ark!
1113
01:06:13,637 --> 01:06:14,972
Let's do the dance.
1114
01:06:15,055 --> 01:06:17,057
JOAN: No, please, no.
1115
01:06:18,642 --> 01:06:19,643
(HONKING)
1116
01:06:19,726 --> 01:06:21,645
WOMAN 1: Well, where did
the animals come from, then?
1117
01:06:21,728 --> 01:06:24,314
WOMAN 2: Please. It's a trick.
WOMAN 3: It's a circus is what it is.
1118
01:06:24,398 --> 01:06:27,484
Wild animals running amok
in suburban Virginia.
1119
01:06:27,568 --> 01:06:31,405
With all these species,
what's being done about the feces?
1120
01:06:37,411 --> 01:06:42,666
Evan Baxter! You have gone from newsman
to congressman to caveman.
1121
01:06:42,749 --> 01:06:45,544
What makes you so sure God chose you?
1122
01:06:46,503 --> 01:06:48,255
He chose all of us.
1123
01:06:57,681 --> 01:06:59,558
Time to wash up, you guys.
1124
01:07:06,148 --> 01:07:07,357
Thanks.
1125
01:07:10,777 --> 01:07:12,279
You want some?
1126
01:07:32,507 --> 01:07:35,636
RITA: Why couldn't
the man just buy a Corvette?
1127
01:07:35,719 --> 01:07:39,932
Well, well, well. There they are.
It is good to see you guys.
1128
01:07:40,015 --> 01:07:45,062
It's good to see you! Your hair looks great.
It's very regal. Man, I love your hair!
1129
01:07:45,145 --> 01:07:46,730
And you're still sucking up.
1130
01:07:46,813 --> 01:07:48,857
- So, why are you here?
- Long locked us out.
1131
01:07:48,941 --> 01:07:49,942
He can't do that.
1132
01:07:50,025 --> 01:07:52,236
I mean, I've been suspended,
but I'm still a congressman.
1133
01:07:52,319 --> 01:07:54,571
- Rita, tell him what you know.
- Tell me what?
1134
01:07:54,655 --> 01:07:57,407
I smelled a rat
the second we got that office.
1135
01:07:57,491 --> 01:07:59,576
You don't get an office like that
for nothing.
1136
01:07:59,660 --> 01:08:03,956
- So I had the stalker here do some research.
- Okay, Eugene, talk.
1137
01:08:04,081 --> 01:08:06,291
Prestige Crest used to be federal lands,
1138
01:08:06,500 --> 01:08:09,002
but what's interesting is
how it got into private hands.
1139
01:08:09,294 --> 01:08:11,630
Congressman Long got the approval
to build a dam
1140
01:08:11,713 --> 01:08:14,633
and then passed out the surrounding lands
to a group of private investors.
1141
01:08:14,716 --> 01:08:16,051
Now, the locals fought this thing for years.
1142
01:08:16,134 --> 01:08:18,387
They said Long and his developer buddies
were cutting corners,
1143
01:08:18,470 --> 01:08:20,722
like skipping important building code
checkpoints.
1144
01:08:20,806 --> 01:08:23,892
And with the land use bill, he's gonna do
the same thing with the national parks.
1145
01:08:23,976 --> 01:08:27,646
So, you stand by and shake your pom-poms
while Long and his buddies get rich.
1146
01:08:27,729 --> 01:08:29,856
What can we do? I'm suspended.
1147
01:08:29,940 --> 01:08:33,360
Go back to the Hill and show them
that you can and will fight this bill.
1148
01:08:33,443 --> 01:08:36,405
You guys, I'm sorry. I can't do that.
I have to get back to the ark.
1149
01:08:36,488 --> 01:08:38,156
The ark? All right. Okay.
1150
01:08:38,240 --> 01:08:40,158
- God told you to build an ark?
- Yes.
1151
01:08:40,242 --> 01:08:43,287
But did he tell you to make your friends
believe in you and follow you here
1152
01:08:43,370 --> 01:08:47,582
so you can make us look stupid?
'Cause I go to church every Sunday.
1153
01:08:47,666 --> 01:08:49,918
Okay, every other Sunday.
1154
01:08:50,002 --> 01:08:53,463
I've been to church!
And that does not sound like God to me.
1155
01:08:53,547 --> 01:08:55,924
Rita, I know
that this doesn't make any sense.
1156
01:08:56,008 --> 01:08:58,677
I just want you to trust me.
You just have to have faith.
1157
01:08:58,760 --> 01:09:03,390
Evan, faith will not fight this bill.
The CINPLAN vote is today!
1158
01:09:03,473 --> 01:09:07,185
If we're going to stop this thing,
you need to get down to Capitol Hill now!
1159
01:09:07,269 --> 01:09:11,565
- Otherwise, it's impossible!
- Dad, Dad, I think it's done.
1160
01:10:10,123 --> 01:10:14,378
What in the world?
I can't even get my cat to use the litter box.
1161
01:10:55,794 --> 01:11:00,215
It's September 22, and we're all still here.
1162
01:11:00,298 --> 01:11:01,800
Awkward!
1163
01:11:01,883 --> 01:11:05,262
People! The flood is imminent!
1164
01:11:05,345 --> 01:11:10,475
- Board the ark! Save yourselves!
- MAN: Get down, you fool!
1165
01:11:10,976 --> 01:11:14,938
Listen to me! The time has come!
1166
01:11:15,021 --> 01:11:19,109
No, Captain Ahab! Your time has come!
1167
01:11:19,192 --> 01:11:20,318
(ALL LAUGHING)
1168
01:11:20,402 --> 01:11:25,115
Yeah, Baxter! The weather's 70 and sunny
with a chance of crazy!
1169
01:11:25,198 --> 01:11:26,658
(ALL GIGGLING)
1170
01:11:28,368 --> 01:11:30,454
(RUMBLING)
1171
01:11:30,537 --> 01:11:36,585
- Do you hear that? The rains are upon us!
- Dad, I don't think that's the rains.
1172
01:11:37,878 --> 01:11:39,045
(SIREN BLARING)
1173
01:11:41,006 --> 01:11:43,633
MAN: Hey, Baxter! Kiss your ark goodbye!
1174
01:11:56,229 --> 01:11:58,565
- Where is he?
- On the boat, sir.
1175
01:11:59,232 --> 01:12:01,359
Give me a minute.
Lets see if I can convince "Noah"
1176
01:12:01,443 --> 01:12:03,612
that the world doesn't have to end today.
1177
01:12:07,324 --> 01:12:10,327
I gotta hand it to you,
this is quite the show.
1178
01:12:10,410 --> 01:12:13,455
According to my source,
the show hasn't even started yet.
1179
01:12:13,538 --> 01:12:15,207
Still expecting the big flood.
1180
01:12:15,290 --> 01:12:17,542
You know, voters don't respond
to the gloom and doom stuff.
1181
01:12:17,626 --> 01:12:20,795
- They like a more positive message.
- Like the one you're sending with your bill?
1182
01:12:20,879 --> 01:12:22,839
How much did you make off of all this land?
1183
01:12:22,923 --> 01:12:26,176
You are destroying
our national parks for profit.
1184
01:12:26,259 --> 01:12:28,136
You have a problem
with somebody taking a little profit?
1185
01:12:28,220 --> 01:12:29,763
It's called business, son.
1186
01:12:29,846 --> 01:12:32,349
So if I need to get a message out there,
or get a congressman elected
1187
01:12:32,432 --> 01:12:36,478
there are people who pay for it, and yes,
those people want this bill to happen
1188
01:12:36,561 --> 01:12:40,649
and, by God, it's gonna happen.
Now you look down there.
1189
01:12:41,274 --> 01:12:43,026
Those are the wolves, son.
1190
01:12:43,109 --> 01:12:46,196
I'm gonna give you one last chance.
Take down this boat.
1191
01:12:46,279 --> 01:12:50,033
I'm giving you one last chance. Repent.
1192
01:12:51,284 --> 01:12:55,205
Such a shame. You had possibilities.
1193
01:12:55,288 --> 01:12:59,167
But you want to stop progress
to save the Earth. Go for it.
1194
01:12:59,251 --> 01:13:02,212
Good luck getting a tree
to come to the polls.
1195
01:13:07,133 --> 01:13:08,635
Take it down.
1196
01:13:15,934 --> 01:13:19,145
This is a court order
approving the demolition of this boat!
1197
01:13:19,229 --> 01:13:22,232
Evacuate immediately!
You have three minutes!
1198
01:13:24,901 --> 01:13:29,114
Honey. We have to go.
They're going to destroy the boat.
1199
01:13:29,864 --> 01:13:31,032
No.
1200
01:13:32,075 --> 01:13:33,994
It can't end this way.
1201
01:13:35,328 --> 01:13:39,332
Is it too much to ask
for a little precipitation?
1202
01:13:40,500 --> 01:13:44,254
Honey, maybe God didn't mean
a literal flood.
1203
01:13:44,337 --> 01:13:49,634
Maybe he meant a flood of knowledge
or emotion or awareness.
1204
01:13:49,718 --> 01:13:51,303
If that's true,
1205
01:13:52,220 --> 01:13:55,432
I am going to be so pissed.
1206
01:13:55,515 --> 01:13:56,766
Two minutes!
1207
01:13:56,850 --> 01:14:00,270
Get off the boat now
or you will be removed by force.
1208
01:14:00,353 --> 01:14:03,898
Evan, you did it. You built the ark.
1209
01:14:03,982 --> 01:14:06,943
- That's all you were asked to do, right?
- No.
1210
01:14:07,027 --> 01:14:11,239
There's something else.
Something's going to happen. I can feel it.
1211
01:14:11,323 --> 01:14:14,117
Yeah, what's gonna happen is
tear gas and a wrecking ball.
1212
01:14:14,200 --> 01:14:16,202
Evan, think of the kids.
1213
01:14:17,287 --> 01:14:18,705
One minute!
1214
01:14:20,915 --> 01:14:24,502
- Dad, whatever you say, I'm with you.
- Yeah, me, too.
1215
01:14:24,586 --> 01:14:26,671
Me, too.
But can we keep some of the animals?
1216
01:14:26,755 --> 01:14:29,007
I like the alpaca. He spits.
1217
01:14:33,511 --> 01:14:36,848
You're right. We did it. We built the boat.
1218
01:14:37,223 --> 01:14:38,224
Yeah.
1219
01:14:39,225 --> 01:14:41,645
Let's go. Let's go, guys. Come on.
1220
01:14:54,741 --> 01:14:56,451
EVAN: Well, I guess they don't want to go.
1221
01:14:56,534 --> 01:14:59,621
- It's their instinct.
- What do you mean, hon?
1222
01:14:59,704 --> 01:15:04,459
Some animals know when weather's coming.
When they feel it coming, they sit.
1223
01:15:10,298 --> 01:15:11,883
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
1224
01:15:12,592 --> 01:15:13,718
Joan!
1225
01:15:17,055 --> 01:15:18,431
(THUNDER CLAPPING)
1226
01:15:23,103 --> 01:15:25,647
Okay. Time's up! We're coming in!
1227
01:15:25,730 --> 01:15:28,942
Get that ball in position!
We're clearing them out!
1228
01:15:35,740 --> 01:15:37,617
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
1229
01:15:39,869 --> 01:15:43,164
Is that rain? It's raining.
1230
01:15:43,248 --> 01:15:45,792
Lucky guess, Baxter. Lucky guess.
1231
01:15:47,293 --> 01:15:48,294
(THUNDER CLAPPING)
1232
01:16:02,308 --> 01:16:06,563
Looks like the drought's finally over.
Good news, eh, Congressman?
1233
01:16:06,646 --> 01:16:08,815
Yeah. Good news.
1234
01:16:11,276 --> 01:16:16,823
Everybody! Please! Get on the ark!
1235
01:16:18,825 --> 01:16:20,326
Go to the car!
1236
01:16:20,410 --> 01:16:24,497
Please! Everyone! On the ark!
1237
01:16:24,581 --> 01:16:27,917
Cover me up! Keep me dry!
Cover me up! Keep me dry!
1238
01:16:28,001 --> 01:16:32,005
Who's crazy now, huh?
Look at us all squishing!
1239
01:16:40,138 --> 01:16:42,974
- It kind of stopped raining.
- Is that it?
1240
01:16:43,057 --> 01:16:45,477
What did I tell you? It's fine. It's over.
1241
01:16:45,560 --> 01:16:47,645
Hey, Ahab! This is it?
1242
01:16:48,271 --> 01:16:50,815
Your God experiencing
a little water shortage?
1243
01:16:50,899 --> 01:16:51,941
(ALL LAUGHING)
1244
01:16:52,025 --> 01:16:55,653
It would appear Evan Baxter
was right about the rain,
1245
01:16:55,737 --> 01:16:59,240
with a slight miscalculation
as to the quantity.
1246
01:17:03,328 --> 01:17:06,539
- Something's wrong.
- Honey, the clouds are moving away.
1247
01:17:06,623 --> 01:17:09,626
No, no. No, this isn't right.
1248
01:17:10,460 --> 01:17:13,838
Evan, even if it kept raining,
it's not like it could cause a flood in a day.
1249
01:17:13,922 --> 01:17:19,177
But today is the day! It has to be.
This just doesn't make any sense!
1250
01:17:21,137 --> 01:17:23,348
- Wait a second.
- What is it?
1251
01:17:23,431 --> 01:17:27,101
Marty said that Long cut corners,
violated building codes.
1252
01:17:27,185 --> 01:17:29,729
- What are you talking about?
- The lake, Long Lake.
1253
01:17:29,813 --> 01:17:33,733
It's named after him.
It's the lake! It's the lake!
1254
01:17:46,913 --> 01:17:48,248
Oh, no.
1255
01:17:50,083 --> 01:17:54,796
Get on the ark! Everyone, on the ark now!
1256
01:17:54,879 --> 01:17:56,714
I think we should get on the ark.
1257
01:17:56,798 --> 01:17:59,634
I agree.
I think we should get on the ark also.
1258
01:17:59,717 --> 01:18:03,346
I'm cold. I'm wet. I'm going home.
1259
01:18:10,270 --> 01:18:12,438
Ladies first! Move!
1260
01:18:20,321 --> 01:18:23,950
Oh, my God. This is happening.
This is really happening.
1261
01:18:25,034 --> 01:18:28,371
Holy... Get everyone on the ark now!
1262
01:18:28,454 --> 01:18:31,082
Get on the ark now! Let's go!
Get on the ark! Let's go!
1263
01:18:31,165 --> 01:18:34,043
Go, go, go! Get on the ark!
1264
01:18:34,127 --> 01:18:35,628
(ALL SCREAMING)
1265
01:18:35,712 --> 01:18:39,841
Go, go, go! On the ark! Go, go, go!
1266
01:18:39,924 --> 01:18:42,385
All right, boys! Let's go! Let's go!
1267
01:18:42,468 --> 01:18:46,014
We're gonna need a bigger boat.
Stay here with the kids.
1268
01:18:55,148 --> 01:18:56,983
Come on, Rita!
1269
01:18:57,066 --> 01:19:01,237
Everyone, up the ramp! Onto the deck!
Come on! Hurry, hurry, hurry!
1270
01:19:01,321 --> 01:19:05,158
- Dylan, get back inside! It's too dangerous.
- No, Dad. I told you, I'm with you.
1271
01:19:09,537 --> 01:19:12,332
EVAN: Careful, everyone.
In the ark! In the ark!
1272
01:19:12,415 --> 01:19:14,500
Watch your step! Up the ramp, everybody!
1273
01:19:22,759 --> 01:19:24,719
- Guys, help me with the door!
- Get the door! Get the door!
1274
01:19:32,185 --> 01:19:34,103
(ALL SCREAMING)
1275
01:20:07,887 --> 01:20:09,430
Guys! Guys!
1276
01:20:42,422 --> 01:20:44,173
Everybody hang on!
1277
01:20:54,434 --> 01:20:55,518
(ROARING)
1278
01:20:55,601 --> 01:20:57,770
You guys all right? You okay?
1279
01:20:58,396 --> 01:20:59,939
MAN OVER TV:
There's been a flood at Prestige Crest
1280
01:21:00,023 --> 01:21:02,191
and you're seeing live images
of New York Noah's ark
1281
01:21:02,275 --> 01:21:05,486
caught in the storm surge
and heading towards Memorial Bridge!
1282
01:21:13,327 --> 01:21:15,872
WOMAN: We're going to crash!
MAN: Turn this thing around!
1283
01:21:15,955 --> 01:21:18,791
MAN 2: We're not gonna make it!
MAN 3: Save us, Baxter!
1284
01:21:30,511 --> 01:21:35,099
I command thee halt! Stop! Whoa!
1285
01:21:35,183 --> 01:21:36,851
WOMAN: It's not working!
1286
01:21:37,643 --> 01:21:40,396
How about a little help here?
1287
01:21:56,662 --> 01:21:57,663
(SCREAMING)
1288
01:22:24,816 --> 01:22:25,858
(SCREAMING)
1289
01:22:26,234 --> 01:22:28,736
What do you mean there was water damage?
It rained for ten minutes.
1290
01:22:28,820 --> 01:22:30,613
That is not possible.
1291
01:22:39,163 --> 01:22:40,164
(EXCLAIMING)
1292
01:22:40,248 --> 01:22:42,125
- I love you guys.
- All right.
1293
01:22:42,208 --> 01:22:43,459
- Seriously.
- Okay, I got it.
1294
01:22:43,543 --> 01:22:44,669
- I love you.
- Thank you.
1295
01:22:44,752 --> 01:22:46,045
(EAGLE CRYING)
1296
01:23:02,145 --> 01:23:06,732
LONG: All those in favor of the Public
Land Act, please signify by saying, "Aye."
1297
01:23:07,066 --> 01:23:09,026
(CLAMORING)
1298
01:23:13,823 --> 01:23:15,116
Good God!
1299
01:23:24,125 --> 01:23:25,918
(ALL YELLING)
1300
01:23:50,443 --> 01:23:51,861
I think we can walk from here.
1301
01:23:51,944 --> 01:23:53,529
(SIRENS BLARING)
1302
01:24:10,129 --> 01:24:14,759
Hello, Congressman.
Mind if I park my boat here for a little while?
1303
01:24:15,843 --> 01:24:17,929
- But how...
- The dam, Congressman.
1304
01:24:18,012 --> 01:24:21,557
Your reservoir ruptured.
Prestige Crest, it's all gone.
1305
01:24:21,641 --> 01:24:24,185
No. They said that couldn't happen.
1306
01:24:25,228 --> 01:24:26,938
I never thought this...
1307
01:24:27,813 --> 01:24:32,693
You. You did this to me.
You set me up, you crazy son of a...
1308
01:24:32,777 --> 01:24:35,947
(MONKEYS SCREECHING)
1309
01:24:36,030 --> 01:24:38,366
Wow. That is disgusting.
1310
01:24:38,824 --> 01:24:40,243
If that comes out your front,
1311
01:24:40,326 --> 01:24:43,746
I don't even want to know
what's coming out the back.
1312
01:24:45,498 --> 01:24:46,916
(SNARLING)
1313
01:24:46,999 --> 01:24:49,543
Don't look down, Congressman,
but the wolves are here,
1314
01:24:49,627 --> 01:24:53,547
although I wouldn't worry so much
about these wolves as those.
1315
01:25:01,847 --> 01:25:03,224
Gesundheit.
1316
01:25:15,319 --> 01:25:18,948
MAN 1: As you can see behind me,
New York Noah's prediction came true.
1317
01:25:19,031 --> 01:25:21,534
WOMAN: The vote of the Land Act Bill
has been suspended,
1318
01:25:21,617 --> 01:25:24,453
pending investigation of Congressman Long
for profiteering...
1319
01:25:24,537 --> 01:25:27,498
MAN 2: Of course now, the question is,
how will these animals be returned
1320
01:25:27,581 --> 01:25:29,125
to their natural habitats?
1321
01:25:29,208 --> 01:25:33,087
Something tells me, if God got them here,
he can probably get them home.
1322
01:25:33,170 --> 01:25:36,215
WOMAN 2: The House will undoubtedly
reinstate Congressman Baxter
1323
01:25:36,299 --> 01:25:38,050
when it reconvenes in the morning.
1324
01:25:38,134 --> 01:25:41,971
Until then, there is a lot to be done here
on Capitol Hill.
1325
01:25:42,054 --> 01:25:44,140
JORDAN: How's Buster doing?
EVAN: Come on, Buster.
1326
01:25:44,223 --> 01:25:46,600
JOAN: No, come on. Come on!
RYAN: Come on!
1327
01:25:46,684 --> 01:25:48,477
EVAN: These too heavy? It's all right?
JORDAN: No, it's fine.
1328
01:25:48,561 --> 01:25:50,980
- RYAN: He can't keep up.
- I know, sweetie!
1329
01:25:51,063 --> 01:25:54,275
All right.
What do you say we take a little break?
1330
01:25:54,358 --> 01:25:55,985
We've only been walking
for, like, five minutes, Dad.
1331
01:25:56,068 --> 01:25:59,280
Well, five on, five off.
Life is about balance, right?
1332
01:25:59,363 --> 01:26:00,656
- How about some sandwiches?
- Okay.
1333
01:26:00,740 --> 01:26:03,617
- Who wants sandwiches? Let's do it!
- RYAN: I get first dibs!
1334
01:26:03,701 --> 01:26:05,995
Everyone but Buster
is going to get a sandwich.
1335
01:26:06,078 --> 01:26:10,458
You do not get a sandwich! You're a dog
and you do not get a sandwich!
1336
01:26:10,541 --> 01:26:13,753
Buster is part of the family now.
You're just gonna have to get used to it.
1337
01:26:13,836 --> 01:26:15,671
Poor Buster!
1338
01:26:16,422 --> 01:26:19,508
Honey, come here.
Sweetheart, be careful. Come here.
1339
01:26:19,592 --> 01:26:21,510
- Hey, hon, save me one, okay?
- Okay.
1340
01:26:21,594 --> 01:26:23,346
I'll be right back.
1341
01:26:31,354 --> 01:26:32,730
- Hey.
- Hey.
1342
01:26:34,607 --> 01:26:36,567
What are you doing here?
1343
01:26:36,859 --> 01:26:39,278
Just hanging out with some old friends.
1344
01:26:39,362 --> 01:26:42,656
You knew all along, didn't you?
You knew the dam was unstable.
1345
01:26:42,740 --> 01:26:46,577
If it hadn't been for the ark,
my family, the neighbors...
1346
01:26:46,660 --> 01:26:50,456
- I fought you every step of the way.
- Yes, but you did it.
1347
01:26:51,457 --> 01:26:56,003
So, you had nothing to do with the flood?
Like where the ark landed exactly?
1348
01:26:56,087 --> 01:26:59,548
I gave you a little shove at the end. Sue me.
1349
01:26:59,632 --> 01:27:00,633
(BOTH CHUCKLING)
1350
01:27:02,134 --> 01:27:05,846
You did good, son. You changed the world.
1351
01:27:05,930 --> 01:27:08,599
- No, no, I didn't.
- Well, let's see.
1352
01:27:08,682 --> 01:27:12,770
Spending time with your family,
making them very happy.
1353
01:27:12,853 --> 01:27:16,148
- Gave that dog a home.
- Right. So?
1354
01:27:16,816 --> 01:27:18,526
So?
1355
01:27:18,609 --> 01:27:20,736
How do we change the world?
1356
01:27:22,321 --> 01:27:25,741
One act of random kindness at a time.
1357
01:27:25,825 --> 01:27:30,371
One act of random kindness.
1358
01:27:35,501 --> 01:27:36,836
It's time.
1359
01:27:38,879 --> 01:27:40,381
Do the dance.
1360
01:27:41,841 --> 01:27:43,509
Care to join me?
1361
01:27:49,390 --> 01:27:50,391
(CHUCKLING)
1362
01:28:05,489 --> 01:28:06,490
(DOVE COOING)
1363
01:28:40,024 --> 01:28:44,737
I now issue a new commandment,
"Thou shalt do the dance."
1364
01:28:44,945 --> 01:28:46,655
(GONNA MAKE YOU SWEAT,
EVERYBODYDANCE NOW PLAYING)
1365
01:29:40,793 --> 01:29:42,294
(LIP-SYNCING)
1366
01:29:47,049 --> 01:29:50,177
Stop it! This is stupid!
1367
01:29:50,261 --> 01:29:53,472
That's awful dancing! You better stop!
1368
01:29:59,311 --> 01:30:01,063
(LIP-SYNCING)
1369
01:30:16,996 --> 01:30:17,997
(LIP-SYNCING)
1370
01:30:26,380 --> 01:30:28,007
(PEOPLE CHEERING)
1371
01:30:31,760 --> 01:30:33,887
MAN 1: Ladies and gentlemen,
you don't have to go home.
1372
01:30:33,971 --> 01:30:36,599
You just have to go. We are wrapped.
1373
01:30:36,682 --> 01:30:39,393
MAN 2: We're wrapped.
We love you. Thank you.
1374
01:30:40,185 --> 01:30:42,187
(READYFOR A MIRACLE PLAYING)108489
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