All language subtitles for Downward Dog - 01x03 - Loyalty_track3_[eng]

Recently, I think Nan
and I have come to kind of, like,

the perfect point in our relationship.

Because we've gotten to this place

where we're so used to each other

that it's almost like

we've forgotten that
each other even exists.

It's great, because when I was younger,

we were all, like, so
obsessed with each other

that it was all I could think about.

Like all day, I was just
plan these little pranks,

like, where I hid the remote from her

or, like, murdered
some pillows.

I mean, sometimes I would get so excited

that when she came home,

I would like pee a
little, like, as a joke.

How you doin'? Hi, baby! Hi!

Oh, great.

And sure, like, that
was a really, truly,

deeply wonderful, like,
amazing time of life.

But now... like, now is great too,

because I'm not distracted

by all that endless love and affection.

I can finally get some "me" time.

What part of "straight
on" don't you understand, Dan?

Hey.

Hey, you're here!

I'm here!

Oh! Oh, I can't believe

- you're not at work right now!
- I know!

- It's like an out-of-body experience.
- Mm-hmm.

- This is what they call a weekend, right?
- Mm-hmm.

I need drinks.

At this point, I kind
of just think of Nan

as, like, a well-worn sleeping pad,

which when it was new,

of course, it was more exciting

before all the emotional
stuffing got ripped out.

The old pad is like...
yeah, like flat and stained,

but, like... like, it
has my imprint on it.

It's... it's safe and warm.

And... and yeah, it's a
little predictable and boring,

but, like, I know for a fact

that it's never gonna betray me.

No, that one hit the ground.

It did! Wha... Don...

Don't look at me like that!

I don't make the rules, Dan!

Why don't you take it up
with Cornhole Incorporated?

Look how scared Dan is.

Just try, okay? Try for me.

It's like a window into their sex lives

that I wish I could close.

So, how are you feeling about things?

I'm good, yeah.

Totally. You?

Oh, yeah, absolutely.

I am digging the "just friends' thing."

Mm-hmm.

I was just wondeng

if you were, like, feeling
awkward or anything.

Uh, you know,

not until you bring it
up like twice a day...

Mm

... and then it gets a little...

- Yep. Got it. Super helpful feedback.
- Yeah.

Suck it! Suck it, Dan!

You just got owned by your future wife!

Get used to it!

Go, Dan!

It's just when you've
been with somebody this long,

you eventually give up
on the exhausting pretense

of, like, keeping things fresh.

And that... that... that's fine.

It's, like, that's great.

It means that everything
is going exactly as planned.

I mean, I think the gradual
lowering of expectations

is possibly the highest form of love.

- Oh, yes, that's my favorite one.
- Right?

- I love it on there.
- I know!

Phew.

You guys, I think this is kinda great.

Yeah, I've been saying.

- I'm having a disgusting feeling.
- What?

I think it's hope.

See, like, I am actually
starting to believe

that an ad campaign
can be a force of good,

and if something horrible
doesn't happen very soon,

my entire world view is gonna implode.

Yuck!

Look at this mess!

World view restored.

- What are you guys doing?
- Yes.

You bumbling bees been bumbling around?

Busy at work with your bumbling?

Uh, yeah.

So, uh, you know, it's nearly done.

Uh, I know there's still
a ton of fine tuning to do,

but I think... I think
we're in a really good place

to show Tristen on Friday, so...

Well, it's a good start.

A good... A good start?

Yeah.

You approved every...
every step of this.

Yeah, well, it's flat, you know?

I think it needs the old Kevin touch.

Just dig deeper.

You'll get it.

"Good start."

Tell you what'd be a good start,

is drowning Kevin in
a kiddie pool.

Mm. What?

I'm sorry.

That was really inappropriate,

and I just... I have this boss?

You are amazing Yeah. right now.

This is always what he does, though.

He comes in,

he puts his little Kevin
magic touch on things,

and before you know it,
anything interesting or...

or, like, I don't know, important

- is, like, completely ruined.
- Yes. I swear to God.

If he makes us work this weekend,

I am going to murder him.

How is this guy still your boss?

It's nepotism.

Because he's married to

the owner's cousin or something?

Man, I gotta get my cousins
to step it up a little.

Even though Nan and I
have this amazing relationship,

it's... it's not like I don't sometimes

still have insecurities.

I mean, like, I'm not an idiot.

Like, I realize I'm not

food-bag-model good-looking anymore.

I think my eyes have
gotten like, kinda droopy.

Like, I get that.

Like, I'm not the same
dog I was when she met me.

We just need three days. That's it.

- That's all I need.
- Yes.

I just need to keep

this hairy A.D.D. man-muppet at bay

for like 72 hours.

Oh, you could mess with his car.

Yes, it's so easy.

You just, like, dodgy up
the brakes a little bit. Yes.

Sometimes I actually want to crush him...

Yes!

- ... with my hands.
- Oh, my God.

And of course, Nan
flatters me all the time.

She's always like,

"Oh, my God. You're so cute.

You're so handsome. Da-da-da-da."

But, like, isn't it kind
of her job to say that?

And I would never admit this to Nan,

because it would just, like, crush her,

but would I like to
be admired by others?

Like, would I like to
turn a head now and then?

I mean, like, of... of course, I would.

I mean, I'm only human.

I hear that you're upset.

- No, do not do that!
- Don't do that.

Do not condescend to us!

I am speaking slowly out of fear,

not condescension.

But, like, what if you
just reach out to him?

You know, bring Martin in,

let him experience
what, uh, inspired you.

You know, he'll get it. No.

Like, Everyone loves dogs.

Actually, Kevin is afraid of dogs.

- No.
- Yeah, yeah.

Oh. That's it.

He is such a bad person

that even the world's
most adorable creatures

want to hurt him.

- Oh, my God.
- I'm gonna do it.

You have to!

Wait. What are you gonna do?

Try to keep up, Dan!

Kevin is afraid of dogs.

If Nan brings Martin in,

then he's gonna be too
afraid to come near us, yes?

That's, uh...

That's the opposite of my suggestion.

- Oh!
- It's good, it's good.

We're gonna do it.

But looking back now,

I-I can see that I was deceiving myself.

I thought she was the safe one

and, like, the old sleeping pad...

like, "Oh, she's Nan.

Where else is she gonna go?"

But I've never been more wrong

about anything in my entire life.

That old sleeping
pad... she betrayed me.

♪ Turn around ♪

♪ Every now and then I get little
bit lonely ♪

Because I was like,

- ♪ And you're never coming 'round ♪
- "Oh, my God.

This is where she's been
going every day for years."

- ♪ Turn around ♪
- Like, my heart just shattered.

♪ Every now and then I
get a little bit tired ♪

While I'm home alone,

like, licking myself stupid,

she's here like laughing and
petting and throwing balls.

Like, why would she need

all these other people
to play with unless...

unless she's tired of playing with me?

♪ Every now I get a little bit terrified ♪

And it hit me, like...

♪ And then I see the look in your eyes ♪

... maybe I'm the safe
one, the boring one.

♪ Turn around, bright eyes ♪

Maybe I'm the old sleeping pad.

- Hey, Nan.
- Yeah.

I know you wanted us to
keep working and stuff,

but, uh, Kevin's here,

and he's saying,
"Start from square one."

Great. Great. I'll be right there.

All right, bud.

Show time. Come on.

Right.

I love that this campaign
is so unexpected and unique,

but what if we cloaked
it in something expected

and un-unique?

- I was just like, "Man, if"...
- Hey, Kevin.

I'm sorry, have you met Martin,

- the inspiration for the campaign?
- Oh, right.

- The dog that thinks you're beautiful.
- Yeah, that's him.

I just figured, you know,

since we had to go
back to brainstorming,

I would bring him in
and see if he could help

inspire the team a little bit.

That is a creative idea.

Oh, thanks.

Um...

- I... I gotta go work.
- Oh, are you leaving?

You know, yeah, it's
you're team now, Nan.

- You lead.
- No worries.

Okie-dokey.

We are gonna go ahead and get to work.

I don't know
what happened today.

Maybe it was just

that I was in such a
wounded, vulnerable state.

Then, there was this guy.

I was just drawn to him.

It's almost like he knew instinctively

how to draw me in, you know.

Like, because it's...
it's my one weakness,

like, I always want the
one toy I can't have.

And I wanted this toy, bad.

Hey, gals.

- Just had a quick criticism for...
- Oh, hey, Kevin.

Like, maybe I'll go
make my own work family.

Martin, buddy, come back.

Martin.

You're supposed to keep him away,

not fall in love with him.

Yeah, but who cares. It's working.

Yeah, but he's, like, drawn to him.

It's all that beef jerky.

Is it a bad sign if I like my dog less

'cause he's into Kevin?

And so everywhere he
went, I just followed.

You said you wouldn't fight like that.

That is not fair.

You are not gonna make
me cry at work again.

I'm...

Honey?

I could tell that he was afraid.

Like, I could tell that he
was scared of, like, rejection.

But then...

Then I went to him.

And you could say that it's wrong.

You could say that I'm an idiot,

that it's so obvious that
you're just, like, acting out

because you're jealous.

But, like, at that moment,
I just thought like,

"If this is wrong, and...
and that's an idiot,

then I don't want to be a
right person that's smart."

Yeah, I was scared.

Don't bite the thighs.

I was terrified,

It's just crazy to make
this leap with someone.

Gwen!

Gwen!

We, like, met eyes,

and I saw that he was terrified, too,

and, like, we were in this crazy thing.

Whatever it is, like,
we're in it together.

The way that dog looks at me...

I get it!

Have you ever been,
like, embarrassingly into someone?

Because usually, I
would be just disgusted

- at, like, how cliché this all sounds.
- Come on Martin.

It's hard because

now I have to go through
all the routines of my day

and pretend that everything's normal,

when every second, I'm
just thinking about him.

I couldn't get his smell out of my head,

and I know it sounds,
like, silly and juvenile,

but I started to have these fantasies

of being with him, like, like, for real.

And it's dumb, because
it's only been one day,

and it's impossible,

and I don't even know

if he's, like, really interested in me,

like, in that way.

But, I feel like he
just gives me something

that, like, Nan never has.

And like, of course...

like, of course, I
would never act on it.

Like, it's all just like a fantasy.

Like... Like... Like, I'm aware of that.

But, I mean, like, Nan
has her secret world,

like, why shouldn't I have mine?

A dog can dream.

All right, guys. Here's the plan.

We're just gonna get through tomorrow,

and then we can all have some time off.

And hey, Matt, you can go see that baby

you keep telling us your
wife had a while back.

Okay, all right, yes.

Kevin.

Kevin, what are you doing?

- The dog looked at me...
- What?

... the way he looked at you.

I finally understand
why you brought him in.

People want to look beautiful...

No, Kev, everyone is beautiful.

That's the whole thing that we're...

... to a dog, because
dogs are so stupid.

They don't understand how ugly we are.

We're gonna be installing skinny mirrors

in every Clark and
Bow across the country

so that maybe, just for one day,

America doesn't have to
look at its hairy, fat ass

in the glare of an unforgiving mirror,

and wonder what the
hell happened to him!

Oh, my God.

Now, I know it's rough,

but don't worry, I will type it up

and make it legible so
you guys can edit it.

But this, this is it!

This is it.

This is what we will
be presenting tomorrow.

And it's all thanks to Nan.

Oh, God.

Kevin, can we just have
a real quick sidebar

for just one second?

Nan, look.

Mall fashion is a
full-contact sport, okay?

I know it hurts.

There are no rules. There's no "fair."

All that matters is
that the best idea wins.

Okay, you just killed the best idea.

So, if we could just take a second,

- and I can explain why this one is so...
- Shh!

Hey. Shush.

- Okay, I...
- Ah!

- I just...
- Shh!

I mean, I feel like we're just having a...

Ah!

- That's how conversations...
- Oh!

... work. Okay.

What the

Gwen, how do you turn off spell check?

What?

I'm sharing my master
plan with GroupCloud.

I need the red squiggles off.

I think that's illegal.

Okay, you know what? Who cares?

The team doesn't need
to see it polished.

I need to borrow your selfie stick.

Come on, buddy.

I mean, how...

How... What happened?

Well, Nan, your stupid dog
made stupid eyes at Kevin.

You guys, this is crazy.

We can't just let him come in here

and, like, destroy this amazing thing

- we've all created, right?
- Right. Yes.

We gave up our weekends.

I mean, we've sacrificed
for this, right?

He can't just throw it all away!

Matt hasn't seen his baby,
and Paul's drinking again.

No, it's coffee.

Paul.

I'm gonna go in there,

and I am gonna talk to Kevin,

and I am gonna put my foot down.

- Yes.
- Yeah.

So, yeah, like, I
felt bad at, like, moments.

But you know what? Like,
I've been happy today.

Like, all my talk about
settling and loyalty

and, like, long-term relationships

was really just me justifying

how bad things have
gotten between me and Nan.

And I love her,

but, like, when you've
been with one person

your entire life,

like, how do you know if your
bar has just been too low?

♪ You are out my league ♪

Look into my eyes.

Hello? Hello?

♪ At a distance that I didn't want to see ♪

And you know what? Like, she'll be fine.

I mean, she has all these other people

that she loves so much anyway.

And it's like,

things just, like, happened so fast,

like, there was this flood of feelings.

And it was so confusing

that I kind of lose track
of a lot of what happened.

Oh, my gosh.

Wow.

How did it go?

Uh, well, he wasn't there.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. I knew Kevin was arrogant,

but he had the balls to
add corporate to this.

- I did it.
- What?

I added corporate to Kevin's GroupCloud.

What? Okay, well, girl power, I guess.

But, Nan, this is extreme.

Yeah, I know. Yeah.

The thing I remember is

I just... I gave him the ball,

like, just like offered it to him.

You want this?

It was like I was saying,
like, I was ready, like.

Okay.

Ready to leave her
and, like, start over...

Ready? Ready?

... and have this new life with Kevin.

Go get it!

Oh. Oh, I still have it.

I don't know.

There was this feeling
of, like, falling,

like, falling backwards.

And, like, the whole world was spinning.

You're so stupid.

What?

You should see your face right now.

Because I realized I've thrown away

everything that matters in my life.

And I've thrown it away

for a ball-tease.

Oh, God, people are freaking out.

Do you want a bottle of water?

Do you have any vodka?

Oh, hi, Tristen.

Um, you know,

Kevin's actually out
of the office right now.

Let me try him on his cell.

Have you guys seen Martin anywhere?

Yes, he is with Kev.

Outside.

Oh, my God.

Oh, hey, Nan?

I think it's really sweet
that you're helping Kevin

get over his childhood
traumas or whatever.

His what trauma?

Oh, with the dog when he was a kid.

I thought him being afraid
of dogs was, like, a...

like, a funny... like, a
character quirk or...

Oh, no, no.

That dog really messed him up,

like, mentally and physically.

Like, he won't let his wife
touch his thighs to this day.

Oh, my God. Ew.

Tristen, I'm sorry.

Nan has this...

I-I promise, you will love her idea.

Sometimes, I
think people get caught up

in believing you're,
like, either good or bad

and that's it...

You know, like black or
white, loyal or disloyal,

but I think that's kind of,
like, maybe reductionistic.

- Hey.
- Hi.

I just, um... whew...

came to take my dog back

and also to tell you
something about Tristen

and how he got added to the GroupCloud.

Yeah, I know already.

Believe me.

Classic Kevin, right?

Adding corporate like an idiot.

No, Kev, that's not
what happen... You know,

I actually thought I
had something for once...

like, a good idea.

But, no, of course not.

You know, I know I put on a strong face.

Sometimes I just feel
like I'm in over my head.

No, it's...

It's okay.

Right, it's gonna be okay.

You know, we're a team,

and we have an amazing presentation.

And once we show it,
everyone's gonna be so happy

that they're just gonna forget
all this happened, you know?

Even Tristen.

- Yeah?
- Yeah, yeah. Mm-hmm.

Do you really think so?

I do.

It's okay.

Okay.

Should we go back inside? Yep

I'll just take the leash.

Can we both?

Sure.

Come on, Martin.

I admit it. I did a bad thing.

I broke our vows and made
a mockery of our love,

and I will regret every
second of my emotional affair

with that meat-smelling
man for the rest of my life.

I feel really bad, but,
like, I think, ultimately,

it was better not to tell him, right?

I don't know, Nan.

It sounds kind of, like, Machiavellian.

I know, but if I hadn't sabotaged him,

then he could have just, like,
ruined the entire project.

Nah, it just seems like
something Voldemort would do.

Excuse me?

That's the meanest thing
you've ever said to me.

If anyone's Voldemort,

Jenn is Voldemort.

Ah, okay. She encouraged me
to bring Martin to the office.

And she knew Kevin had
been mauled by a dog.

No, not mauled. I didn't know mauled.

I just thought he was scared of dogs.

I think I just really care
about this project, you know?

Yeah, of course you do.

You should.

I just hope I'm not evil.

You think I'm evil?

At least you care about
something, you know?

I don't have half the conviction you do.

Thanks.

I did a very, very bad thing.

I just don't think
that necessarily means

that I'm a bad dog.

And, I mean, honestly,

I think it was kind of, like, good

because I'm just so excited

to dive back into the warm, safe,

very predictable embrace
of lifelong monogamy.

Like, I've never been
more excited for anything

in my entire life.

Synced and corrected by Dragoniod for
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