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1
00:00:00,383 --> 00:00:01,986
Oh, God!
2
00:00:01,987 --> 00:00:03,636
It's a little early, isn't it?
3
00:00:03,637 --> 00:00:05,403
Go back to sleep.
I don't need you awake for this.
4
00:00:05,404 --> 00:00:07,633
Honey, it's Christmas Eve.
5
00:00:07,634 --> 00:00:09,556
Are you gonna spend
all day on that thing?
6
00:00:09,557 --> 00:00:10,927
I made a promise.
7
00:00:11,258 --> 00:00:12,469
Yes!
8
00:00:12,643 --> 00:00:14,749
Last Christmas,
Phil got an elliptical machine
9
00:00:14,750 --> 00:00:16,285
and vowed to walk
the equivalent
10
00:00:16,286 --> 00:00:19,271
of our house to Canada
in one year.
11
00:00:19,272 --> 00:00:21,592
This body doesn't
just happen, ladies.
12
00:00:21,646 --> 00:00:22,527
If he didn't make it,
13
00:00:22,528 --> 00:00:24,437
no machine in the bedroom.
14
00:00:24,438 --> 00:00:27,280
Except for this machine
in the bedroom, ladies.
15
00:00:27,281 --> 00:00:29,009
Who are these ladies?
16
00:00:29,869 --> 00:00:31,734
Oh, Phil, give it up.
17
00:00:31,735 --> 00:00:34,017
Oh, you would love that,
wouldn't you?
18
00:00:34,086 --> 00:00:36,217
Just when I'm so close
to the Canadian border,
19
00:00:36,218 --> 00:00:37,771
I can smell the bacon
20
00:00:37,772 --> 00:00:39,744
and the reasonably
priced medications.
21
00:00:39,745 --> 00:00:41,317
Mom, this came
for you from Nana.
22
00:00:41,318 --> 00:00:43,040
I don't know why she bothers
to wrap it every year.
23
00:00:43,041 --> 00:00:45,232
It's always the same thing --
slippers.
24
00:00:45,233 --> 00:00:47,205
You never know.
She might surprise you this year.
25
00:00:47,206 --> 00:00:48,705
Would you care to take a visit
26
00:00:48,706 --> 00:00:50,996
to the museum
of maternal indifference?
27
00:00:51,758 --> 00:00:52,884
Watch it!
28
00:00:53,802 --> 00:00:54,923
Oh, careful!
29
00:00:55,537 --> 00:00:58,476
You guys are really moving her
downstairs right now?
30
00:00:58,602 --> 00:00:59,624
Aren't you gonna
be late for work?
31
00:00:59,625 --> 00:01:01,694
They're not gonna fire
an elf on Christmas Eve.
32
00:01:01,695 --> 00:01:04,369
Ugh, I thought this would be lighter
without my shoes on it.
33
00:01:04,370 --> 00:01:05,419
You know, once
you set up your room,
34
00:01:05,420 --> 00:01:06,638
you could put books on this.
35
00:01:06,639 --> 00:01:08,713
Books... on a shoe shelf.
36
00:01:08,752 --> 00:01:09,660
Right.
37
00:01:09,876 --> 00:01:12,534
- You're not gonna jump on that?
- I'm just too happy!
38
00:01:12,554 --> 00:01:12,970
After today,
39
00:01:12,971 --> 00:01:14,847
there'll be no more
clothes thrown everywhere,
40
00:01:14,848 --> 00:01:16,255
no more hour-long phone calls
41
00:01:16,256 --> 00:01:17,555
where all she says is "no way."
42
00:01:17,716 --> 00:01:19,221
I think it's a little sad
43
00:01:19,222 --> 00:01:21,333
that you guys
are doing this today.
44
00:01:21,344 --> 00:01:23,307
I remember when you used to get
45
00:01:23,308 --> 00:01:25,181
into the same bed
on Christmas Eve
46
00:01:25,182 --> 00:01:27,704
and talk about all the presents
you were gonna get.
47
00:01:27,711 --> 00:01:29,201
It's a perfect day for it!
48
00:01:29,202 --> 00:01:30,963
When I wake up
in my own room tomorrow,
49
00:01:30,964 --> 00:01:34,052
I'm going to be giving thanks
for my independence.
50
00:01:34,053 --> 00:01:36,203
And isn't that
what Christmas is all about?
51
00:01:37,196 --> 00:01:38,379
Seriously? Nothing?
52
00:01:47,388 --> 00:01:50,888
Synced by YYeTs, corrected by gloriabg
www.addic7ed.com
53
00:01:51,235 --> 00:01:53,945
This is your
great-grandmother's recipe.
54
00:01:53,988 --> 00:01:55,654
If she could see you now...
55
00:01:55,953 --> 00:01:58,575
..she would die again,
because you're doing it wrong!
56
00:01:58,771 --> 00:02:00,534
My mother has been here all week.
57
00:02:00,535 --> 00:02:03,313
I love her very much,
but you know what they say --
58
00:02:03,314 --> 00:02:05,603
house guests start to stink
after three days,
59
00:02:05,604 --> 00:02:06,957
like dead bodies.
60
00:02:09,397 --> 00:02:10,748
What the hell is that?
61
00:02:10,749 --> 00:02:12,319
A fiber-optic tree.
62
00:02:12,320 --> 00:02:14,242
It's way better for the environment
than a real one.
63
00:02:14,243 --> 00:02:16,179
Not if the environment
is my living room.
64
00:02:16,180 --> 00:02:18,460
Look, I admit, it takes
some getting used to,
65
00:02:18,461 --> 00:02:19,622
but so did Greek yogurt.
66
00:02:19,623 --> 00:02:21,812
Now I can't even remember
how the old stuff tastes.
67
00:02:21,813 --> 00:02:24,615
Why do we keep changing things
that don't need changing?
68
00:02:25,418 --> 00:02:28,337
Christmas is real trees
and eggnog,
69
00:02:28,616 --> 00:02:30,794
Perry Como and Bing
on the hi-fi.
70
00:02:30,795 --> 00:02:32,040
Now you're just
making up words.
71
00:02:32,041 --> 00:02:33,137
I'm drawing a line in the sand.
72
00:02:33,138 --> 00:02:34,324
We're gonna get a real tree,
73
00:02:34,325 --> 00:02:36,264
and we're gonna cut it down
like I did when I was a kid.
74
00:02:36,265 --> 00:02:37,130
Follow me.
75
00:02:37,632 --> 00:02:38,166
Hi, dad.
76
00:02:38,167 --> 00:02:40,056
Can't talk. Saving Christmas.
77
00:02:41,146 --> 00:02:43,290
Hi. Thank you again for coming.
78
00:02:43,291 --> 00:02:45,487
No problem.
I love babysitting!
79
00:02:45,488 --> 00:02:47,732
Good! We're going to run
some quick errands.
80
00:02:47,733 --> 00:02:48,909
Wait, if you're taking Joe --
81
00:02:48,910 --> 00:02:50,072
Hola, Claire!
82
00:02:50,701 --> 00:02:53,189
Around 4:00, she gets
fussy for her bottle.
83
00:02:55,632 --> 00:02:57,632
Lily, do you know
why I'm able to relax
84
00:02:57,633 --> 00:02:58,950
and read this paper today?
85
00:02:58,951 --> 00:03:00,338
Because you don't have a job?
86
00:03:00,339 --> 00:03:03,018
FYI, I am starting
a new job in exactly t--
87
00:03:03,270 --> 00:03:05,163
No. We're not doing this again.
88
00:03:05,511 --> 00:03:08,154
It's because I planned ahead.
89
00:03:08,155 --> 00:03:10,020
I finished my Christmas
shopping weeks ago.
90
00:03:10,021 --> 00:03:11,776
It's important to keep busy.
91
00:03:11,811 --> 00:03:14,239
I-it is perfectly normal
to take some downti--
92
00:03:14,669 --> 00:03:15,723
No. No!
93
00:03:15,724 --> 00:03:16,299
Okay.
94
00:03:16,300 --> 00:03:18,652
I printed out the directions
to Pepper's party.
95
00:03:18,918 --> 00:03:21,705
We're calling it
"The 12 gays of Christmas" now.
96
00:03:21,706 --> 00:03:22,501
Oh, just be thankful
97
00:03:22,502 --> 00:03:24,193
we talked him out
of "Feliz navidude."
98
00:03:24,194 --> 00:03:25,594
Okay, honey,
finish your breakfast
99
00:03:25,595 --> 00:03:27,738
so we can go help
our fellow man!
100
00:03:27,832 --> 00:03:29,739
One hour at this
charity event, max.
101
00:03:30,762 --> 00:03:31,570
I can't eat.
102
00:03:31,571 --> 00:03:33,802
I'm too excited
to get my Puppy Pound.
103
00:03:33,803 --> 00:03:35,239
I'm -- I'm sorry. Your what?
104
00:03:35,240 --> 00:03:36,595
Puppy Pounds have six puppies
105
00:03:36,596 --> 00:03:37,828
with online profiles.
106
00:03:37,829 --> 00:03:40,127
Ask your parents
before using the Internet.
107
00:03:40,128 --> 00:03:42,297
Honey, you never mentioned
a-a-a Puppy Pound.
108
00:03:42,298 --> 00:03:43,845
- What is she talking about?
- I-it's not on your list.
109
00:03:43,846 --> 00:03:46,938
Yes, it is. "Puppy Pound."
110
00:03:46,939 --> 00:03:48,825
Oh, no!
She put a "p" backwards.
111
00:03:48,826 --> 00:03:50,824
And, honey,
there's a "u" in "pound."
112
00:03:50,825 --> 00:03:53,230
- This says "guppy pond"!
- Guppy pond!
113
00:03:53,612 --> 00:03:54,886
What is a guppy pond?
114
00:03:55,750 --> 00:03:57,563
It's only the --
the coolest gift ever!
115
00:03:58,473 --> 00:03:59,925
I want a Puppy Pound.
116
00:03:59,926 --> 00:04:01,735
Um, honey, it's c--
117
00:04:02,369 --> 00:04:03,153
Okay.
118
00:04:03,267 --> 00:04:04,515
I am not pointing fingers,
119
00:04:04,516 --> 00:04:05,946
but our daughter had
120
00:04:05,947 --> 00:04:08,092
exactly one thing on her list,
121
00:04:08,093 --> 00:04:10,272
and someone didn't get it,
122
00:04:10,273 --> 00:04:12,459
so someone needs
to go to the mall.
123
00:04:12,460 --> 00:04:13,405
You're pointing fingers.
124
00:04:13,406 --> 00:04:14,918
No. It's still a "1."
125
00:04:14,919 --> 00:04:16,433
It just fell asleep on the job.
126
00:04:18,089 --> 00:04:20,897
Ellipticaler's log, 12/24.
127
00:04:21,224 --> 00:04:23,019
10 miles from Canadian border.
128
00:04:23,126 --> 00:04:25,890
Spirits -- high.
Stamina -- strong.
129
00:04:26,342 --> 00:04:29,167
Must get another application
of thigh lube.
130
00:04:29,355 --> 00:04:30,331
Oh, good. Luke.
131
00:04:30,337 --> 00:04:32,713
Dad, I was with you
on the tightrope.
132
00:04:32,714 --> 00:04:34,995
I was your wing man
in the wing-eating competition.
133
00:04:35,161 --> 00:04:36,661
But I'm not feeling this one.
134
00:04:36,760 --> 00:04:37,988
You're missing Christmas Eve.
135
00:04:37,989 --> 00:04:41,220
There's something more important
than Christmas, son -- pride.
136
00:04:41,294 --> 00:04:42,105
If I don't make it to Canada,
137
00:04:42,106 --> 00:04:43,278
your mom wins, and this baby
138
00:04:43,279 --> 00:04:45,223
ends up in the garage
first thing in the morning.
139
00:04:45,224 --> 00:04:46,405
Our garage?
140
00:04:47,488 --> 00:04:48,961
I'm in charge of the recycling.
141
00:04:48,962 --> 00:04:50,668
I'm supposed to bring it
from the garage to the curb
142
00:04:50,669 --> 00:04:52,349
by 6:00 A.M. thursday morning.
143
00:04:52,523 --> 00:04:54,201
I may have missed a few weeks.
144
00:04:57,377 --> 00:04:58,276
Shoot!
145
00:05:00,376 --> 00:05:02,071
Maybe more than a few weeks.
146
00:05:03,030 --> 00:05:04,822
After a while,
the pile just got so big,
147
00:05:04,823 --> 00:05:06,167
I couldn't bring it out
the night before
148
00:05:06,168 --> 00:05:07,734
or people would ask questions.
149
00:05:08,009 --> 00:05:10,173
I don't need people
asking questions.
150
00:05:10,847 --> 00:05:12,112
Then you're right!
You've got to finish!
151
00:05:12,113 --> 00:05:14,348
You'll never use this thing
in the garage! It's too drafty!
152
00:05:14,349 --> 00:05:16,049
That's why I'm going
to Canada, buddy --
153
00:05:16,050 --> 00:05:17,458
to avoid the draft!
154
00:05:18,623 --> 00:05:19,425
No.
155
00:05:23,494 --> 00:05:24,363
Bang.
156
00:05:25,556 --> 00:05:27,623
I know we've been hiking
for an hour, but...
157
00:05:27,846 --> 00:05:29,919
Worth it when you look
at this beauty, huh?
158
00:05:30,034 --> 00:05:32,210
That's why you don't cut down
the first tree you see.
159
00:05:32,211 --> 00:05:34,303
This is literally
the first tree we saw.
160
00:05:34,304 --> 00:05:35,472
There's our car.
161
00:05:35,883 --> 00:05:37,027
No, we started that way.
162
00:05:37,028 --> 00:05:37,907
So, you're arguing
163
00:05:37,908 --> 00:05:39,831
that we walked entirely
around the earth?
164
00:05:39,887 --> 00:05:40,813
Give me the ax.
165
00:05:48,306 --> 00:05:49,466
Don't give me that look.
166
00:05:49,481 --> 00:05:50,496
Trees are like women.
167
00:05:50,497 --> 00:05:52,771
The best ones make you
work a little bit harder.
168
00:05:59,070 --> 00:06:00,513
She's just not that into you.
169
00:06:01,238 --> 00:06:03,322
- I know!
- Sorry it too long!
170
00:06:03,323 --> 00:06:04,820
Oh, it's fine.
171
00:06:04,821 --> 00:06:07,757
Claire and I were having
a nice time catching up.
172
00:06:08,825 --> 00:06:10,617
I am really sorry that I am late.
173
00:06:10,618 --> 00:06:11,408
No, you're not.
174
00:06:11,409 --> 00:06:12,221
No, I'm not.
175
00:06:12,222 --> 00:06:13,579
Mm-hmm. It's fine.
176
00:06:13,604 --> 00:06:15,209
Just hope I didn't talk
Pilar's ear off!
177
00:06:15,210 --> 00:06:16,222
No!
178
00:06:16,236 --> 00:06:19,646
I love hearing about your family
179
00:06:19,647 --> 00:06:21,179
and your big, new job!
180
00:06:21,180 --> 00:06:23,548
Oh, well, it's --
it's not such a big job.
181
00:06:23,549 --> 00:06:25,287
I mean, I'm really just
working for my dad.
182
00:06:25,288 --> 00:06:26,524
But you're working hard.
183
00:06:26,525 --> 00:06:27,810
I'm proud of you.
184
00:06:27,811 --> 00:06:30,678
- How do they look?
- Ooh! Perfect!
185
00:06:30,679 --> 00:06:32,823
- Yes.
- You are a wonderful student.
186
00:06:32,824 --> 00:06:33,348
Thank you.
187
00:06:33,349 --> 00:06:35,170
My grandmother taught my mother.
188
00:06:35,171 --> 00:06:36,740
My mother taught me.
189
00:06:36,741 --> 00:06:39,170
And now, I teach Claire.
190
00:06:39,233 --> 00:06:40,398
And don't be so modest.
191
00:06:40,399 --> 00:06:43,079
I respect a woman
who can raise a family
192
00:06:43,080 --> 00:06:44,653
and have a full-time job.
193
00:06:44,654 --> 00:06:46,328
Can you believe that on Fridays,
194
00:06:46,329 --> 00:06:48,251
they don't even
have to dress up?
195
00:06:48,252 --> 00:06:49,274
Taste. Taste. Taste.
196
00:06:49,275 --> 00:06:51,761
Sometimes, they even
wear sweatpants.
197
00:06:51,762 --> 00:06:53,946
Would you like to lick the batter?
198
00:06:53,947 --> 00:06:55,082
Yes! Oh, yes!
199
00:06:55,083 --> 00:06:56,917
- Me, too!
- No, no, no!
200
00:06:56,918 --> 00:06:58,955
Helpers only.
201
00:06:59,346 --> 00:07:00,673
I don't make the rules.
202
00:07:02,830 --> 00:07:05,136
Oh, Lily,
what a beautiful ornament!
203
00:07:05,137 --> 00:07:07,269
That's gonna make
a little kid very happy.
204
00:07:07,270 --> 00:07:08,984
Wait. I don't get to keep this?
205
00:07:08,985 --> 00:07:10,661
Why am I killing myself?
206
00:07:10,662 --> 00:07:12,055
Okay, kids!
207
00:07:12,056 --> 00:07:13,998
We've got a visitor
from the north pole,
208
00:07:13,999 --> 00:07:15,464
and he brought presents!
209
00:07:18,024 --> 00:07:19,260
Hey! Hey. How's it going?
210
00:07:19,261 --> 00:07:20,828
There are no
Puppy Pounds anywhere.
211
00:07:20,829 --> 00:07:22,518
It's like trying to find
a Cabbage Patch Kid
212
00:07:22,519 --> 00:07:24,309
on Christmas Eve 1983.
213
00:07:24,401 --> 00:07:25,552
Still hurts, huh?
214
00:07:25,670 --> 00:07:27,110
I had her bed all made.
215
00:07:27,111 --> 00:07:29,146
Okay. Well, Lily
is gonna be devastated.
216
00:07:29,147 --> 00:07:30,692
Call around.
Get us on some lists.
217
00:07:30,693 --> 00:07:31,943
You have to do something!
218
00:07:31,944 --> 00:07:33,106
I'll figure it out.
219
00:07:33,160 --> 00:07:34,463
How's the fundraiser?
220
00:07:34,471 --> 00:07:36,108
Oh, well, I'm managing, you know.
221
00:07:36,109 --> 00:07:37,251
Oh, bring the checkbook.
222
00:07:37,252 --> 00:07:39,542
You can always tell when
they're gearing up for the big ask --
223
00:07:39,827 --> 00:07:41,015
fill you full of freebies.
224
00:07:41,016 --> 00:07:43,122
Oh, hey, I gotta go.
Got to help somebody.
225
00:07:45,115 --> 00:07:46,155
Hi! Classic.
226
00:07:46,156 --> 00:07:47,334
Flawlessly executed.
227
00:07:47,335 --> 00:07:48,335
If I had one...
228
00:07:48,336 --> 00:07:49,635
Just trying to bring
a smile to you folks.
229
00:07:49,636 --> 00:07:51,859
- You're gonna get through this.
- Get through what?
230
00:07:51,892 --> 00:07:52,912
Don't be embarrassed.
231
00:07:52,913 --> 00:07:54,830
Everyone here
is in the same boat.
232
00:07:55,267 --> 00:07:55,802
We are?
233
00:07:55,803 --> 00:07:57,554
Best thing about
the hot chocolate --
234
00:07:57,587 --> 00:07:58,935
they let us keep the mug.
235
00:08:06,785 --> 00:08:08,317
I thought it was a charity
event for the needy.
236
00:08:08,318 --> 00:08:10,859
Turns out, it was a charity
event for the needy!
237
00:08:12,001 --> 00:08:13,917
Look! Santa gave me
a Puppy Pound!
238
00:08:13,918 --> 00:08:14,955
What? No.
239
00:08:14,956 --> 00:08:16,511
I'm finally happy!
240
00:08:16,559 --> 00:08:18,105
I'd like a picture
for the newsletter.
241
00:08:18,106 --> 00:08:19,763
- Oh.
- You can show your mommy.
242
00:08:19,764 --> 00:08:21,123
I don't have a mommy.
243
00:08:21,469 --> 00:08:22,858
This is why I do this.
244
00:08:26,048 --> 00:08:27,709
That cramp could be
a heart attack.
245
00:08:27,710 --> 00:08:29,602
Here's some advice
I've been holding back on.
246
00:08:29,766 --> 00:08:31,195
Always shave with the grain.
247
00:08:31,471 --> 00:08:32,833
No reputable talent agent
248
00:08:32,834 --> 00:08:34,068
will ever ask for money up-front.
249
00:08:34,069 --> 00:08:35,191
Dad, you're fine.
250
00:08:35,192 --> 00:08:36,466
I really want to quit, Luke!
251
00:08:36,467 --> 00:08:37,626
No, you're gonna make it!
252
00:08:37,627 --> 00:08:39,131
He was never gonna make it.
253
00:08:39,132 --> 00:08:40,803
I just needed to buy some time.
254
00:08:42,311 --> 00:08:43,840
That's a lot of product
you're moving.
255
00:08:43,841 --> 00:08:45,562
Just bring it
to a recycling place.
256
00:08:45,563 --> 00:08:47,078
Not until I get paid.
257
00:08:47,787 --> 00:08:50,813
Just so you know,
this is six weeks' allowance.
258
00:08:50,814 --> 00:08:52,865
Oh, you have
the coolest parents ever.
259
00:08:53,638 --> 00:08:55,007
I want to know when
you're about to leave,
260
00:08:55,008 --> 00:08:56,283
so give me a honk.
261
00:08:56,600 --> 00:08:59,158
- Honk!
- From your car.
262
00:08:59,783 --> 00:09:02,672
The best business card
is a firm handshake.
263
00:09:02,673 --> 00:09:05,822
The best pick-up line
is a tight pair of Dockers.
264
00:09:06,019 --> 00:09:06,992
The best Dockers are --
265
00:09:06,993 --> 00:09:09,121
Dad, save your breath!
You're in the last five miles.
266
00:09:09,122 --> 00:09:11,285
- I'm never gonna make it!
- Of course you are!
267
00:09:11,992 --> 00:09:13,766
Then again, do what you want.
I got stuff to do.
268
00:09:13,767 --> 00:09:15,068
- I'm gonna quit.
- Cool.
269
00:09:15,069 --> 00:09:16,486
What's one more failure?
270
00:09:18,532 --> 00:09:20,871
You ever wonder why we take
such a crazy route to school?
271
00:09:22,975 --> 00:09:25,006
So I don't have to drive
by certain places --
272
00:09:25,595 --> 00:09:27,643
the flute teacher's house
I went to once...
273
00:09:28,173 --> 00:09:30,070
The French cooking academy
I quit after learning
274
00:09:30,071 --> 00:09:32,059
only two of the five
mother sauces...
275
00:09:32,611 --> 00:09:35,539
The hot yoga studio
I left after "happy baby."
276
00:09:36,979 --> 00:09:37,912
I guess there's no avoiding
277
00:09:37,913 --> 00:09:40,184
this big failure sitting
in my garage.
278
00:09:41,837 --> 00:09:42,684
Get up.
279
00:09:43,045 --> 00:09:44,512
I appreciate it, buddy, but --
280
00:09:44,667 --> 00:09:45,975
Get up.
281
00:09:46,726 --> 00:09:48,506
I don't know anything
about flutes
282
00:09:48,507 --> 00:09:50,800
or cooking or happy babies...
283
00:09:51,621 --> 00:09:54,112
But I'm damn sure
getting my dad to Canada.
284
00:09:54,687 --> 00:09:56,344
Now, mount that beast.
285
00:09:56,680 --> 00:09:57,687
Thank you, son.
286
00:09:58,144 --> 00:10:00,068
You can thank me after
you cross the finish line
287
00:10:00,069 --> 00:10:01,580
and the celebration begins.
288
00:10:01,581 --> 00:10:02,734
Just picture that.
289
00:10:04,796 --> 00:10:05,886
I'm picturing it!
290
00:10:07,727 --> 00:10:08,857
I'm picturing it!
291
00:10:08,858 --> 00:10:10,592
I'm really picturing it!
292
00:10:12,869 --> 00:10:13,800
Thanks, Santa.
293
00:10:13,801 --> 00:10:14,842
Yeah. You got it.
294
00:10:14,983 --> 00:10:16,983
Don't forget a candy cane
from Mrs. Claus!
295
00:10:16,984 --> 00:10:18,772
Oh! I got to take a break.
296
00:10:18,971 --> 00:10:20,532
- What?
- What? What?
297
00:10:21,993 --> 00:10:23,025
Um... It's okay!
298
00:10:23,026 --> 00:10:24,909
Does anybody want
to take a picture with me?
299
00:10:24,910 --> 00:10:27,301
- I'll do it.
- Oh, maybe just the kids.
300
00:10:29,157 --> 00:10:30,642
- What was that?
- What was what?
301
00:10:30,643 --> 00:10:32,297
Santa doesn't take breaks.
302
00:10:32,298 --> 00:10:33,971
He visits the North Pole!
303
00:10:34,249 --> 00:10:36,262
And why do you leave
your things all over?
304
00:10:36,263 --> 00:10:37,767
Who do you think
cleans this place up?
305
00:10:37,768 --> 00:10:39,459
Oh, you are such a nag!
306
00:10:39,927 --> 00:10:40,667
Can't we at least
307
00:10:40,668 --> 00:10:42,864
act like a happy couple
during the holidays?
308
00:10:42,865 --> 00:10:44,194
For the children!
309
00:10:44,894 --> 00:10:46,132
Another hot chocolate?
310
00:10:46,133 --> 00:10:47,673
How many more of those
are you going to drink?
311
00:10:47,674 --> 00:10:49,651
At least it's warm, unlike you!
312
00:10:49,867 --> 00:10:51,172
He travels a lot.
313
00:10:51,173 --> 00:10:52,913
She's put on cookie weight.
314
00:10:52,914 --> 00:10:54,046
It's hard.
315
00:10:55,341 --> 00:10:56,316
Yes, you can put me on
316
00:10:56,317 --> 00:10:57,810
the "last-minute shoppers"
waiting list.
317
00:10:57,811 --> 00:10:59,179
- Unbelievable.
- Oh! Well, there he is!
318
00:10:59,180 --> 00:11:00,307
H-hey, Jotham!
319
00:11:00,308 --> 00:11:01,446
Oh, looks like someone did
320
00:11:01,447 --> 00:11:03,293
a little last-minute
Christmas shopping.
321
00:11:03,294 --> 00:11:04,766
That Zaniel's a lucky guy.
322
00:11:04,767 --> 00:11:06,287
Yes, he is.
323
00:11:06,288 --> 00:11:07,343
But these are
for Pepper's party.
324
00:11:07,344 --> 00:11:09,200
His invitation said,
"no gifts, please."
325
00:11:09,276 --> 00:11:10,338
Mm, say that again...
326
00:11:10,588 --> 00:11:11,448
As Pepper.
327
00:11:11,902 --> 00:11:12,881
No gifts?
328
00:11:13,079 --> 00:11:14,060
Please.
329
00:11:14,323 --> 00:11:15,711
5 o'clock, Christmas Eve,
330
00:11:15,712 --> 00:11:18,118
and I have to find
a dozen perfect presents
331
00:11:18,119 --> 00:11:20,348
for the world's snarkiest,
cattiest men...
332
00:11:21,313 --> 00:11:22,526
My dear, dear friends.
333
00:11:23,213 --> 00:11:25,663
Pull! Pull! Pull!
334
00:11:25,792 --> 00:11:26,969
Yeah. Hey, take a break.
335
00:11:26,970 --> 00:11:28,973
- This is taking forever.
- It's supposed to.
336
00:11:29,197 --> 00:11:31,505
Took my dad and I
all day to get a tree.
337
00:11:31,994 --> 00:11:33,777
And when he finally
brought her down,
338
00:11:33,904 --> 00:11:35,603
he used to celebrate
with a cigar.
339
00:11:36,393 --> 00:11:38,382
I was just a kid,
so I'd have a cigarette.
340
00:11:39,120 --> 00:11:40,446
All right. Grab the other end.
341
00:11:42,499 --> 00:11:43,251
There we go.
342
00:11:43,252 --> 00:11:44,054
Now we got a groove.
343
00:11:44,055 --> 00:11:45,046
Yeah. There we --
344
00:11:46,750 --> 00:11:48,006
It won't budge!
345
00:11:48,020 --> 00:11:49,053
The hell is this wood made of?
346
00:11:49,054 --> 00:11:50,336
They ought to make
saws out of it!
347
00:11:50,337 --> 00:11:52,120
Let's face it.
The tree's beaten us.
348
00:11:52,121 --> 00:11:54,175
Hey, we're Pritchetts.
We don't quit.
349
00:11:54,495 --> 00:11:56,476
Besides, all my tools
are stuck in it.
350
00:11:57,953 --> 00:11:58,814
I got it.
351
00:12:00,705 --> 00:12:02,071
It's simple physics.
352
00:12:02,166 --> 00:12:02,976
A little pressure,
353
00:12:02,977 --> 00:12:05,008
the thing will snap where
we put the blade in.
354
00:12:05,009 --> 00:12:06,655
- Done.
- Just hit the gas.
355
00:12:07,732 --> 00:12:08,368
It's working.
356
00:12:08,369 --> 00:12:10,056
That's why they call it
Yankee engine--
357
00:12:10,057 --> 00:12:11,056
Get down!
358
00:12:13,144 --> 00:12:14,805
It's bald on one side now!
359
00:12:14,806 --> 00:12:15,936
It'll be fine!
360
00:12:16,101 --> 00:12:18,446
We'll just comb over
some branches!
361
00:12:21,111 --> 00:12:22,830
Oh, Claire, I thought
that you had left.
362
00:12:22,831 --> 00:12:23,681
She was going to,
363
00:12:23,682 --> 00:12:25,712
but I wanted to show her
how much better she looks
364
00:12:25,713 --> 00:12:27,997
without this hair
blocking her pretty face.
365
00:12:27,998 --> 00:12:30,044
She does have
beautiful hair, though.
366
00:12:30,045 --> 00:12:30,767
I see.
367
00:12:33,358 --> 00:12:34,304
What did she say?
368
00:12:34,305 --> 00:12:36,089
That you picked a good color...
369
00:12:36,090 --> 00:12:37,429
At least, I think
that's what she said
370
00:12:37,430 --> 00:12:38,959
with that American accent.
371
00:12:39,514 --> 00:12:41,282
You don't have to entertain her.
372
00:12:41,382 --> 00:12:43,431
After all, she's my mother.
373
00:12:43,785 --> 00:12:47,760
Ah, these used to be
Glorita's favorite!
374
00:12:47,761 --> 00:12:50,890
She used to do headstands
to get extra cookies.
375
00:12:50,891 --> 00:12:52,102
At least, she'd try.
376
00:12:52,103 --> 00:12:53,999
Yeah, but it's not easy!
377
00:12:54,012 --> 00:12:57,291
I mean, it's hard enough
to keep all this right-side up!
378
00:12:57,292 --> 00:12:59,570
Imagine when I had
to put it all right-side down!
379
00:12:59,571 --> 00:13:00,591
- It was...
- Oh, my gosh.
380
00:13:00,592 --> 00:13:01,889
I can't believe I can still do it!
381
00:13:01,890 --> 00:13:02,544
Look at that.
382
00:13:02,545 --> 00:13:04,671
- Oh, wow.
- Look at Claire, Gloria!
383
00:13:05,354 --> 00:13:07,503
Very good!
Two cookies for you!
384
00:13:07,504 --> 00:13:08,740
Thank you!
385
00:13:08,741 --> 00:13:10,564
Uh, yeah,
but she needs a pedicure.
386
00:13:10,565 --> 00:13:11,832
Look at that.
387
00:13:11,833 --> 00:13:13,271
You knocked me down!
388
00:13:13,272 --> 00:13:15,495
- I did not.
- Yes, you did, too!
389
00:13:16,996 --> 00:13:20,783
Girls! Girls! Girls!
No need to fight.
390
00:13:20,865 --> 00:13:22,546
I don't have a favorite.
391
00:13:22,547 --> 00:13:24,039
Why the hell not?!
392
00:13:26,685 --> 00:13:29,861
I am very disappointed
in both of you.
393
00:13:30,088 --> 00:13:32,174
Family members should
treat each other
394
00:13:32,175 --> 00:13:33,618
with love and respect.
395
00:13:33,619 --> 00:13:36,023
Except that Claire
is not part of our family.
396
00:13:36,024 --> 00:13:38,066
- Cierra la boca!
- No. No, no.
397
00:13:38,067 --> 00:13:39,827
She's right--
unless that's what you just said.
398
00:13:39,828 --> 00:13:41,797
I can't tell, 'cause
I-I only took French,
399
00:13:41,798 --> 00:13:42,959
and je parle un peu.
400
00:13:42,960 --> 00:13:44,668
Oh, you have a beautiful accent.
401
00:13:44,669 --> 00:13:45,773
Really? Do you think so?
402
00:13:45,774 --> 00:13:47,562
- Ay-ya! Por favor?
- I'm sorry.
403
00:13:47,563 --> 00:13:48,163
I...
404
00:13:50,512 --> 00:13:52,134
I-I'm jealous.
405
00:13:53,370 --> 00:13:54,274
Ay, Claire.
406
00:13:54,275 --> 00:13:58,426
But you're beautiful,
too, in your own way.
407
00:13:58,427 --> 00:14:01,007
No. I'm not jealous of you.
408
00:14:01,008 --> 00:14:02,373
I am jealous
of how your mother
409
00:14:02,374 --> 00:14:04,383
comes all the way
to see you from Colombia,
410
00:14:04,384 --> 00:14:06,594
when my own mother
won't even get on a bus
411
00:14:06,595 --> 00:14:08,940
from the almond co-op
she lives on three hours away.
412
00:14:08,941 --> 00:14:10,420
She sends presents, no?
413
00:14:10,421 --> 00:14:12,266
Yeah. It's the same
thing every year.
414
00:14:12,267 --> 00:14:13,621
It's always slippers.
415
00:14:13,668 --> 00:14:14,878
I am sorry.
416
00:14:14,909 --> 00:14:15,620
Thank you.
417
00:14:15,621 --> 00:14:16,996
But I shouldn't
take it out on you
418
00:14:16,997 --> 00:14:18,393
just 'cause I have a lousy mom.
419
00:14:18,394 --> 00:14:20,027
Don't disrespect your mother!
420
00:14:20,730 --> 00:14:22,201
- Is she always like this?
- Yes.
421
00:14:22,202 --> 00:14:25,785
Did you-- did you ever think
maybe there's a reason
422
00:14:25,786 --> 00:14:27,598
she sends you that gift?
423
00:14:27,599 --> 00:14:28,928
Yeah, 'cause she found something
424
00:14:28,929 --> 00:14:30,533
when I was 8 years old
that I actually liked,
425
00:14:30,534 --> 00:14:32,155
and she hasn't thought
about it since.
426
00:14:32,156 --> 00:14:34,805
Well, maybe she thinks
about it a lot.
427
00:14:35,187 --> 00:14:39,509
Maybe she remembers a time
when she made you happy,
428
00:14:39,714 --> 00:14:41,300
and she wants to go back there.
429
00:14:42,648 --> 00:14:44,070
Well, now I feel terrible.
430
00:14:44,339 --> 00:14:46,539
The only thing I sent her
was an e-card.
431
00:14:47,118 --> 00:14:48,568
We don't like to admit it...
432
00:14:50,617 --> 00:14:52,997
but mothers never get over
433
00:14:52,998 --> 00:14:55,036
the day their daughters
leave them.
434
00:14:56,171 --> 00:14:58,525
We never stop needing
our little girls.
435
00:15:00,593 --> 00:15:03,488
I will never stop
needing you, mama.
436
00:15:11,438 --> 00:15:12,129
Excuse me.
437
00:15:12,511 --> 00:15:13,382
Excuse me.
438
00:15:14,236 --> 00:15:15,167
Excuse me, elf,
439
00:15:15,168 --> 00:15:16,449
it's been 45 minutes.
440
00:15:16,450 --> 00:15:17,513
Where's Santa?
441
00:15:17,519 --> 00:15:18,535
I don't know!
442
00:15:18,716 --> 00:15:20,655
Maybe he's a little busy
making presents
443
00:15:20,656 --> 00:15:22,236
for every child in the world.
444
00:15:23,469 --> 00:15:24,371
One second!
445
00:15:27,724 --> 00:15:28,537
Where is he?
446
00:15:28,731 --> 00:15:31,273
He said he was going out
for a pack of candy canes.
447
00:15:31,274 --> 00:15:32,560
You mean like those?
448
00:15:33,364 --> 00:15:37,617
Okay. Wake up!
He is not coming back!
449
00:15:38,714 --> 00:15:40,068
We need to change
into our regular clothes
450
00:15:40,069 --> 00:15:40,979
and sneak out.
451
00:15:41,300 --> 00:15:41,779
Who am I kidding?
452
00:15:41,780 --> 00:15:43,123
My eyes are unforgettable.
453
00:15:43,124 --> 00:15:45,397
I couldn't even hold on
to a fake husband.
454
00:15:45,690 --> 00:15:47,281
I always thought you were
the tough one to live with,
455
00:15:47,282 --> 00:15:48,173
but maybe I am.
456
00:15:48,174 --> 00:15:50,256
Okay, they've breached
the jelly bean moat. This is a problem.
457
00:15:50,257 --> 00:15:52,539
It's a big problem.
All this time, I've been waiting
458
00:15:52,540 --> 00:15:53,294
for a guy to see the true me,
459
00:15:53,295 --> 00:15:54,929
and now I'm scared he will.
460
00:15:54,930 --> 00:15:56,146
Oh, my God!
They've got blitzen!
461
00:15:56,147 --> 00:15:57,343
What's going to happen to me?
462
00:15:57,344 --> 00:15:59,692
Am I just going to nitpick
everyone until they leave me?
463
00:15:59,693 --> 00:16:02,395
- Hey, mom found somebody!
- That's true.
464
00:16:02,418 --> 00:16:03,367
Okay, listen.
465
00:16:03,552 --> 00:16:05,037
We really need
to get out of here.
466
00:16:05,038 --> 00:16:06,064
But I just want to let you know
467
00:16:06,065 --> 00:16:07,987
that you weren't
all bad to live with.
468
00:16:08,016 --> 00:16:08,757
I thought--
469
00:16:09,178 --> 00:16:10,036
Oh, my God!
470
00:16:10,447 --> 00:16:11,760
Oh, my God!
471
00:16:13,021 --> 00:16:14,983
Where's Santa?!
472
00:16:16,680 --> 00:16:18,082
Only 100 more yards.
473
00:16:18,083 --> 00:16:19,451
You're just about there!
474
00:16:19,452 --> 00:16:20,524
Can you see it?
475
00:16:21,047 --> 00:16:23,719
It's so beautiful.
It's so green.
476
00:16:24,230 --> 00:16:26,075
And, wow,
those are high up there.
477
00:16:26,076 --> 00:16:26,757
The mountains?
478
00:16:26,758 --> 00:16:27,968
No, my shorts again.
479
00:16:27,969 --> 00:16:29,299
Would you mind
giving them one last tug?
480
00:16:29,300 --> 00:16:30,335
You're crossing the border.
481
00:16:30,336 --> 00:16:31,786
Yeah, I know,
and I feel bad asking,
482
00:16:31,787 --> 00:16:33,145
but I'm tasting cotton.
483
00:16:33,146 --> 00:16:35,907
No! You did it!
You're in Canada!
484
00:16:35,978 --> 00:16:37,502
Wait. What?
485
00:16:38,020 --> 00:16:40,538
I did it? I did it!
486
00:16:40,765 --> 00:16:43,073
I did it! I did it!
487
00:16:43,997 --> 00:16:45,560
Let's go tell mom!
488
00:16:46,988 --> 00:16:47,817
Wait.
489
00:16:47,875 --> 00:16:49,404
How did I used to walk?
490
00:16:49,623 --> 00:16:50,957
All right. Come on, sweetie.
491
00:16:51,078 --> 00:16:51,965
Let's go.
492
00:16:55,860 --> 00:16:57,272
Uh, we're serving
Christmas dinner.
493
00:16:57,273 --> 00:16:58,047
Uh, no. That's fine.
494
00:16:58,048 --> 00:16:59,708
We have to actually
get going, so...
495
00:16:59,709 --> 00:17:01,194
But I haven't eaten today.
496
00:17:01,195 --> 00:17:01,990
Oh, you poor thing!
497
00:17:01,991 --> 00:17:03,476
No, she's fine. She's fine.
498
00:17:04,549 --> 00:17:05,721
Oh, there he is.
499
00:17:05,722 --> 00:17:06,984
Honey, where did you
get this coat?
500
00:17:06,985 --> 00:17:08,052
Sorry, kids.
501
00:17:08,053 --> 00:17:11,242
It looks like we've run out
of coats and toys.
502
00:17:12,215 --> 00:17:15,014
That's okay, mom.
At least I got to see presents.
503
00:17:15,015 --> 00:17:16,288
Okay. Come on. Let's go.
504
00:17:16,289 --> 00:17:18,473
Hey! How are my do-gooders?
505
00:17:18,474 --> 00:17:19,012
Did you have fun?
506
00:17:19,013 --> 00:17:20,254
Yep. Talk about it in the car.
507
00:17:20,255 --> 00:17:21,193
Oh, my gosh.
508
00:17:22,856 --> 00:17:23,423
What are these?
509
00:17:23,424 --> 00:17:25,060
Yeah, I went a little crazy, huh?
510
00:17:25,061 --> 00:17:27,153
No! No, no!
It's a Christmas miracle!
511
00:17:27,154 --> 00:17:29,912
Kids! Kids!
Who wants presents?
512
00:17:29,913 --> 00:17:30,624
Cam, what are you doing?
513
00:17:30,625 --> 00:17:32,363
No, trust me. Lily has enough.
514
00:17:32,364 --> 00:17:35,346
- Cam, Cam.
- Everybody, merry Christmas!
515
00:17:36,902 --> 00:17:37,865
Oh! Not that one.
516
00:17:37,866 --> 00:17:39,684
Feliz navidad!
517
00:17:39,685 --> 00:17:41,228
Okay, but those aren't for Lily.
518
00:17:41,229 --> 00:17:43,278
"His-and-his shower clogs?"
519
00:17:43,279 --> 00:17:44,304
They're for Pepper's party.
520
00:17:44,305 --> 00:17:45,295
He said, "no gifts, please."
521
00:17:45,296 --> 00:17:47,086
Imagine how Pepper
would say that.
522
00:17:47,266 --> 00:17:49,090
What's a Himalayan salt plate?
523
00:17:49,091 --> 00:17:51,884
You can season your food
while you serve it.
524
00:17:51,885 --> 00:17:52,977
Body-fat scale?
525
00:17:52,978 --> 00:17:54,692
I wish I would've had one of those
when I was your age.
526
00:17:54,693 --> 00:17:57,201
- You're welcome.
- Who's Robert Mapplethorp?
527
00:17:57,202 --> 00:17:58,525
Actually, I'm gonna
need that one back.
528
00:17:58,526 --> 00:17:59,200
Sorry.
529
00:17:59,827 --> 00:18:00,700
That's okay.
530
00:18:00,701 --> 00:18:03,236
All I really wanted this year
was a Puppy Pound.
531
00:18:03,838 --> 00:18:05,731
Here. You can have mine.
532
00:18:05,785 --> 00:18:06,755
It's really fun.
533
00:18:06,756 --> 00:18:07,518
Oh, my gosh.
534
00:18:07,519 --> 00:18:09,284
That's the sweetest thing
I've ever seen!
535
00:18:09,823 --> 00:18:12,167
Lily, honey, that was so nice!
536
00:18:12,168 --> 00:18:14,326
It's okay.
I'll get one tomorrow.
537
00:18:14,403 --> 00:18:16,209
Um, well, you know what?
About that --
538
00:18:16,210 --> 00:18:17,314
Cam? Cam?
539
00:18:17,315 --> 00:18:20,462
Uh, that was a t-o-y s-t-o-r-e.
540
00:18:21,284 --> 00:18:22,924
- What?
- Someone returned their Puppy Pound.
541
00:18:22,925 --> 00:18:25,465
W-we can't get over there in time
before the store closes!
542
00:18:25,637 --> 00:18:27,200
Wait, you know who lives
right over there?
543
00:18:28,769 --> 00:18:32,176
Oh, no. No!
544
00:18:39,933 --> 00:18:41,021
Almost there.
545
00:18:42,490 --> 00:18:43,291
No.
546
00:18:44,339 --> 00:18:47,105
No! Why?!
547
00:18:47,361 --> 00:18:49,803
Why-y-y-y-y?!
548
00:18:52,964 --> 00:18:55,351
In hindsight,
the cigar was a mistake.
549
00:18:56,117 --> 00:18:57,345
So, what do we do now?
550
00:18:57,844 --> 00:18:58,663
We go home.
551
00:18:58,825 --> 00:19:00,108
I thought Pritchetts
never give up.
552
00:19:00,109 --> 00:19:01,422
They know when to give up,
553
00:19:01,423 --> 00:19:03,317
which is its own kind of victory.
554
00:19:03,821 --> 00:19:05,234
- Unless...
- What?
555
00:19:05,543 --> 00:19:07,096
No it's crazy.
556
00:19:07,434 --> 00:19:08,301
Unless...
557
00:19:08,302 --> 00:19:10,068
Are you really gonna
make me ask you again?
558
00:19:10,069 --> 00:19:13,463
We somehow apply pressure
to the axhead already in the tree.
559
00:19:13,844 --> 00:19:15,482
I bet we can use
the jack from the car.
560
00:19:15,483 --> 00:19:18,182
- Of course. The upward motion
will split the trunk. - Yeah.
561
00:19:23,613 --> 00:19:25,195
We can always tell people
that's how we did it.
562
00:19:25,196 --> 00:19:27,388
That is how we did it.
563
00:19:29,085 --> 00:19:30,905
People love getting new things...
564
00:19:31,078 --> 00:19:33,676
But the best stuff
has a story behind it.
565
00:19:33,677 --> 00:19:34,875
Damn fine tree.
566
00:19:34,876 --> 00:19:36,594
Except the saw's still
stuck in the truck.
567
00:19:36,595 --> 00:19:38,909
Yeah, you're gonna want to keep
your brother away from that, huh?
568
00:19:40,137 --> 00:19:42,927
A lot of times, it's only after
we get rid of something...
569
00:19:42,928 --> 00:19:43,943
Room for me?
570
00:19:44,222 --> 00:19:46,256
...That we realize how much we miss it.
571
00:19:49,007 --> 00:19:50,750
Oh! Nice!
572
00:19:52,550 --> 00:19:53,501
Good job, Luke!
573
00:19:53,502 --> 00:19:55,487
Yay! A Puppy Pound!
574
00:19:57,571 --> 00:19:59,340
And things that seem worthless
575
00:19:59,418 --> 00:20:01,687
suddenly turn out
to be super valuable...
576
00:20:02,462 --> 00:20:04,290
Okay, everybody,
picture in front of the tree.
577
00:20:04,291 --> 00:20:05,474
Timer's set. Ready?
578
00:20:09,925 --> 00:20:11,307
What? No!
579
00:20:11,331 --> 00:20:12,789
...Maybe even precious...
580
00:20:13,437 --> 00:20:15,127
which is why I thought
getting rid of this stuff
581
00:20:15,128 --> 00:20:16,782
would be a huge mistake.
582
00:20:16,783 --> 00:20:18,349
Ah. Nice try.
583
00:20:18,350 --> 00:20:19,911
You still owe us
six weeks' allowance.
584
00:20:19,912 --> 00:20:21,268
And the fireworks.
585
00:20:21,353 --> 00:20:23,025
How could you screw this up?
586
00:20:23,182 --> 00:20:23,983
What?
587
00:20:27,577 --> 00:20:30,420
I'll see you in Vancouver, eh?
588
00:20:30,434 --> 00:20:31,804
No. Luke, do the accent again?
589
00:20:31,805 --> 00:20:33,148
Oh, are you on that machine?
590
00:20:33,149 --> 00:20:35,626
Yes, Juliana,
but unlike your husband,
591
00:20:35,690 --> 00:20:37,532
I'll be finished
before you know it.
592
00:20:37,533 --> 00:20:40,058
You know what?
It's actually easier this way!
593
00:20:40,059 --> 00:20:41,684
Wonder if you could
patent a movement?
594
00:20:41,685 --> 00:20:43,257
Call it "fliptical" --
595
00:20:45,357 --> 00:20:48,857
Synced by YYeTs, corrected by gloriabg
www.addic7ed.com
596
00:20:52,650 --> 00:20:54,106
Dad, trick or treaters!
597
00:20:54,107 --> 00:20:55,198
We're out of candy!
598
00:20:55,283 --> 00:20:56,959
Who is this dad?
599
00:20:56,960 --> 00:20:58,627
I'm Gandalf.
600
00:20:58,982 --> 00:21:00,532
Who's on?
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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