All language subtitles for Modern Family - 5x06 - The Help.HDTV.x264-ASAP.en

No begging. No begging.

Stella, you're breaking
my heart here.

What's breaking your heart
is that sausage and bacon.

Can't you just pick one?

Don't worry. I'm gonna
burn it off on the golf course.

How, Jay?

By riding the little cart

or by kicking the ball
back into play?

Here. I'm gonna take
Joe Fulgencio to the park.

Can you please stop
by the grocery store?

Why doesn't the nanny do this?

You got to be kidding me!

Gloria has fired five nannies.

I don't like another
woman in my house.

I want to be the star.

Stars have nannies.

You know that some
of this is Manny's fault.

Manny!

So, Marie, what do you

feel like doing
for dinner tonight?

You're eating dino-bites
because you are a little boy.

Mom!

I'm telling you,
there's an embarrassing

press conference
in that kid's future.

We're getting married
in seven months.

Or eight months.

I worry about it
raining in April.

Well, I worry about me
sweating in May.

Oh, well, we can't
decide on anything.

There -- there are
too many choices.

Fortunately,
one of our best friends

is an event planner.

- Pepper!
- Pepper!

♪ Here come the grooms ♪

♪ All dressed in fun tuxes
from my Pepper collection ♪

Ha, wow --
Look at all your ideas.

Honey, this is just the index.

Ronaldo!

I brought linens
and place settings

and invitations and stemware.

Hello. I'm Ronaldo.

Oh, don't be such a chatterbox.

And go and fetch the platter box.

Now, let's lose this couch.

Wow, you need
that much space, huh?

No, it's hideous.

This can't be news to you.

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www.addic7ed.com

You're ruining my life!

- These eggs are delicious.
- Mm.

What life?!
Get out of my room!

- I put milk in them.
- Oh.

It's not your room anymore!

Well, they sure are fluffy.

Mom!

- Hey, dad.
- Morning, troops.

Claire, I owe you
a pack of lady razors.

I'm just gonna go
stand out in the yard.

Seriously, get out!

I told you it's not your room!

Tension between Haley and Alex

has been getting pretty high,

so our solution
was to move Haley

down to the basement,
which we were just about to do --

when my dad came out
for a weekend visit.

Two weekends ago.

After my mom passed away,

he dated this woman named Annie,

and she broke up with him,
and then he seemed kind of down,

so I invited him out.

Gross! Those are my socks!

They are not! Mom!

I'm just gonna pop outside.

I should get her a rake.

Welcome to King's Landing!

I am the evil boy king,
and I want your heads!

Oh, look how much
they all love you.

Ohh, thanks.

I'm just trying
to match the energy

of their video games
and whosits and whatnots.

So, I'm gonna play tennis.

I can pick you up at noon.

- Oh, hi! Joan, right?
- Yes.

Hi. I'm Andy.

I'm her Manny -- male nanny.

Hi, I'm Gloria.

This might just sound
a little crazy,

but I don't think Joan likes me.

Oh, that's not crazy.
She doesn't.

Her husband's always
staring at you,

and she's worried
you're gonna steal him.

- What?!
- Be happy, little guy.

This world belongs to you.

I would never steal
anybody else's man,

especially not her fat husband.

Hey, he's not fat anymore.

I helped him lose 30 pounds.

- Ooh!
- Thank you, Andy.

Careful.

If I bring you home scratched,

I lose my deposit.

- Hmm.
- I'm kind of a chef, too.

Here, try this.

It's quinoa.

You actually burn calories
while eating I--

So, Andy, tell me,

are you really happy
with that Joan?

Every wedding

is unique, like a snowflake.

And my job is to give you

the snowflake that makes
everyone die with jealousy.

- That's all we ever wanted.
- Aww.

So, let's start
with a color palette.

I'm thinking...

Purple.

- Purple! That is a color!
- Wow!

- We don't love --
- Yeah, we don't love purple.

Not our favorite, but...

- Excuse me?
- Well, it's just that purple

might be a little bit bold for --

No, I get it.
You think I'm an idiot.

- No. No!
- No, we don't, Pepper.

Well, obviously,
you know better than I.

After all, I've only put on

hundreds of magnificent weddings.

Come, Ronaldo.

They're not interested
in planning a wedding.

They're interested
in hurting people.

No, Pepper.
Pepper, wait.

No, Pepper, wait.
Listen. No, no.

We can consider purple.

This is just a lot
for us to take in.

Of course. I get it. I...

Let the idea wash
over you for a bit.

We had also discussed
a more neutral palette.

Ronaldo! They're washing!

I'm sorry. He means well.

Now, let's talk
about your entrance.

Yes. Entrance.

The idea of two men
being able to marry

seemed like a fantasy,

so I see you riding down
the purple aisle

on a...

- ...Unicorn.
- Unicorn.

Are you sure, grandpa?
It might be fun.

Sorry, Luke. I just don't think
I have it in me today.

Did you see that?

When has your dad ever

not wanted to pull Luke's finger?

He's hurting, Phil.

I think he needs
to see a therapist.

Claire, he doesn't need
a therapist.

Why? Honey, that's what they do.
They help people cope with loss.

They'll even come to the house
if we need them to.

I should talk to my dad.
You know what?

He was pretty down
after the divorce.

- I bet he has some insight.
- Yeah, 'cause your dad's

so in touch with
people's feelings?

When a man is
overcome with emotion

at a Celine Dion concert,

- you do not tell him to grow a pair!
- Phil!

- The ship went down, but
their love lasts forever! - Shh!

Dad? Hi.

Yeah, listen.
Uh, Frank is really depressed.

I think he should
see a therapist.

- What do you say?
- He doesn't need any of that!

Yeah? Uh-huh.
T-that's exactly what I said.

- Give me that.
- I-I...

Jay, what did you just say?

Take him out
and meet some women.

1,000 therapists couldn't do
what Gloria did for me.

Oh, I agree.
Claire was wrong.

I'll tell you what.
I know a fun place.

Tonight, you, me,
and Frank out on the town.

Oh, fun! A three-way!

I already regret this.

Well, I'm excited, too.
I got to get going, though.

- Mnh-mnh.
- All right. Bye.

Gloria, we're back!

Here! Let me lighten your load.

- Who are you?
- I'm the new Manny.

Am I being replaced?

Jay, Manny, meet Joe's
new Manny, Andy.

- Can I talk to you a second?
- No, thank you.

We're gonna need
to discuss this.

I get it. I understand
it's a big decision.

But if it eases
your mind at all,

know that I'm not just
here for baby Joe.

I'm here for you, too.

Doesn't ease my mind at all.

My mission is to make
all of your lives

happier and healthier.

Is this because I ate
that party sub?

Ohh! Crackers!

I left my phone upstairs
in the nursery.

Could you grab it for me?

I know people get all squirrelly

when they hear
the word "healthy."

Actually, Manny?
My phone is in my pocket.

Sorry, bud.

But my goal is to get you
healthy without -- Nope!

It is just a pack of gum.
My phone is still upstairs.

Without you even realizing
what's happening.

Wow. I'm such a dodo.

I didn't even bring
my phone today.

- I know what you're doing.
- We're gonna talk about it.

Okay, well, you have my number,
so I can start tomorrow.

- Call me.
- I will!

Take care!

That's a nonstarter.
Keep looking.

But he's perfect.

He's a man. It's weird.
He's a weird man.

He's like Phil, only
I have to pay for him.

This is not a dictatorship!
It's a democracy! We vote!

No way. You always bully Manny,
and he caves. He's weak.

No offense.

Whoever thinks that
we should hire Andy,

raise the hand!

No, sorry, mom.
Not this time.

I can't have that
energy in my house.

Fine.
Cook your own dinner!

We will. We'll be fine.

So, what are we having?

You're on your own, kid.
I'm going out tonight.

So, what do you think?

I like it.

Also, is it a little Willy Wonka?

You're tired.
I'll come back tomorrow

when you're ready
to be more constructive.

- Pepper, no.
- Pepper.

Ronaldo, strike this.

Sorry. I thought I was
wearing a cape today.

- Oh.
- Oh, my gosh.

Ohh.
What are we gonna do?

I-I think we have to fire Pepper.

That would kill him.

- He's on the brink as it is.
- Why?

Since the proposition ocho
was overturned,

he's done 50 gay weddings.

The man is exhausted,
searching for new ideas.

You said "ocho"
and then you said "50."

You see?
Gays are so nit-picky.

In a straight wedding,
you just have to please the bride,

but the gays have
such strong opinions!

It takes a toll
on a great artist

like Pepper Saltzman.

You know, I've never
thought of it that way.

I mean, look at us.
We can't agree on one thing.

No, you're right.

I mean, Cam wants
a rustic country theme,

and I'm looking for something

- a little more contemporary
and sophisticated. - Mm-hmm.

- And it's impossible.
- But you can have both.

Casual elegance,
classic with a twist.

- Go on.
- Go on.

I'd start with raw,
natural-linen table runners

to bring the two worlds together.

We eschew
the classic round tables

for rectangular farm tables,

but keep the setting
clean and modern.

And then...

- Yes!
- Yes?

No, I mustn't.
This is wrong.

Pepper is my boss
and my mentor!

Oh, and he's our friend.
What are we doing?

We -- we got caught up.
We gave in to temptation.

I-I should go.

- Don't!
- I must.

Vintage handkerchiefs
for the guests to cry into.

Ronaldo, wait!

French bistro
stemless wine glasses.

I've said too much.

Ronaldo!

He's gone, Cam.

Guys, we can't stand
around all night.

At some point,
we have to talk to somebody.

Now, come on.
How about those two?

Let's go over there.

Oh, my God. I don't know
why I'm so nervous.

- Hello, ladies.
- Not interested.

Wow. I-I just said hello.

We're just kind of
having a girls' night.

Kathy, be nice.
I'm Marcy.

- I'm Jay. This is Frank and, uh, Phil.
- Hi.

Hey-lo. I mean hey.
Or hello.

I don't know.

And for the record, I just
wanted to introduce my friend.

I wasn't trying
to pick you up or anything.

I'm heartbroken.

We don't mean to disturb you.

Oh, you're not disturbing us.

You have sweet eyes.

Thank you. I'm from Florida.

I love Florida!

Would you like to sit down, Frank?

Well, I, uh -- yeah, sure.

Oh, my God. It's happening.

For your information,
I'm married to a gorgeous woman.

- Uh-huh.
- Dad, Jay and I

- are gonna grab a drink from the bar.
- Sure.

I think I have a picture
of her here on this somewhere.

- Let's go, Jay.
- Yeah, she won beauty pageants.

- Okay. I'm a catch.
- Mm-hmm.

Let's get out of here.
This place is dead, anyway.

Hey, there's Casanova!

I didn't hear you
come in last night.

So -- so, uh,
how did it go with Marcy?

Oh, it was okay.

But I actually met someone else

while I was waiting for a taxi.

Well, all right.

And she's downstairs right now.

Well, all right.

Truth is, I, um,
have a bit of a situation.

She says I owe her $500.

Please tell me you broke
something of hers.

No, turns out she's a hooker.

- You picked up a hooker?
- Well, I didn't know she was a hooker.

We're in my kitchen.
We have to stop saying "hooker"!

You got to get her out of here

before Claire
gets back from yoga.

She's not gonna leave
until she gets the cash.

$500?
I think you got ripped off.

- Hey, can I have a hit of that coffee?
- Oh, that's fine.

Trust me.
He did not get ripped off.

No, that's good. It's yours.

$247. I'm gonna have
to run to an ATM.

How could you not know?!

Well, the drinks, the flirting.

I couldn't think straight.

Have you ever touched
the smooth,

taut skin of a 48-year-old woman?

I hope to one day,

but that's not gonna happen
if Claire gets home and --

- Hi! I'm back!
- Hey!

Frank, did you
have fun last night?

- No.
- He did not.

Hey. Who's the woman
in the kitchen?

Beats me.
I think I'll go freshen up.

There's a woman in the kitchen?

There's a woman in the kitchen.
Yeah, she's a therapist.

The therapist that
you recommended.

So I decided it was a good idea.

Oh, that means the world
that you listened to me.

- Thank you!
- Ohh, you should get a shower upstairs.

- Oh, no, I want to say hi.
- No, not sweaty like that.

You smell.

No, uh...

Hi! Hi, I'm Claire.

I'm Frank's daughter-in-law,

and I just want
to thank you so much

for coming and
helping him out this way.

- It was my idea.
- No, it wasn't.

- Okay.
- All right.

No, hey. I've never
told anyone this.

But I have always wanted
to do what you do.

I think I'd be really good at it.

- No, she wouldn't.
- What are you talking about?

It's basically what I already do
for the whole neighborhood.

- At least this way, I get paid for it.
- Mm. - Uh-huh.

You know, I got a standing
10:30 I got to get to.

- Yes. - Yes, you do!
- Mom, I'm gonna throw up!

- Alex's hair smells like cheese!
- It is not cheese!

It is cruelty-free
organic shampoo

with traces
of churned goat's milk!

So cheese!

Ew, I need a bucket!

- Ugh!
- Ladies, we have a guest.

I am -- I'm really
sorry about this.

I'm just at my wit's end
with these two.

I don't suppose you have
any experience with teenagers?

Oh, no.

You two remind me
of me and my sister.

We used to fight all the time.

I used to accuse her
of stealing my boyfriend.

She would accuse me
of trying to stab her.

- You know, sister stuff.
- Oh, my God.

Trust me,
if I wanted to stab her,

that skank be stabbed.

She's not a therapist, is she?

Just...

I didn't sleep a wink.

I-I cannot stop thinking
about Ronaldo.

I know.

I dreamt our wedding made
the cover of Modern Gay Grooms

and that there was a magazine
called Modern Gay Grooms.

Okay, that's --
that's Pepper.

Let's just ask him to let
Ronaldo take the lead.

And -- and risk hurting Pepper?

For all we know,

Ronaldo hasn't even
given us a second thought.

I couldn't stop
thinking about you.

What happened here
yesterday was real.

Oh, Ronaldo!
We felt it, too.

But what about Pepper?

- I left him.
- What?

It's over. He doesn't look at me
the way you do.

Ohh, this is all happening so fast.

For me, too.

But my heart was racing
when I left here.

You are my muses-es.

Ohh. I feel so guilty.

One quick look.
No one has to know.

Oh, Ronaldo,
what have you done?

Mitchell! Cameron!

Oh, no!
Uh, uh, quick! Hide!

Yeah, yeah, yeah!
I'll hide.

Cam, not you. Okay, yeah.
Go, go, go, go, go.

Ronaldo left me.

- What?! No!
- The swine!

Someone put it in his head

that he could do this
without me.

But mark my words,
I will destroy him

and whatever wedding
he thinks he's planning.

Okay, well,
that's one way to go.

Daddies, there's a man
in the bathroom.

- What?
- That -- that's a wiggles song.

- That's a wiggles song.
- * Daddy, there's a man in the bathroom *

♪ There's a man in the bathroom ♪

- * He's in the shower *
- It's okay, honey. It's okay.

Ronaldo was nothing
before I found him,

living in squalor in a dump
barely bigger than this.

How could he do this to me?

Because you never
listen to anybody!

I have good ideas, but you're
too thick-headed to hear them!

Ronaldo, how did you get here?

It was you two.
You plotted against me.

I bet that's not even
a wiggles song, is it?

- Is it?!
- No.

Pepper, we can explain.

Do you have any idea
how hard I work?

Well, maybe that's
part of the problem.

I mean, you've been
through the mill, Pepper.

Heard it.

I've done 53 gay weddings.

And...

And...

None of them are mine.

Ohh. Pepper.

And whose fault is that?

I feel like you're implying mine,

but I really don't see it.

How can a man with such
flare for setting tables

leave no seat for one
who loves him?!

- Oh, my God.
- Ronaldo's in love with Pepper.

I know.
That's why I said, "oh, my God."

Pepper, do you hear
what Ronaldo is saying?

Of course I do.
I'm not a fool.

He thinks I can't set a table.

- No.
- No, no, no.

Ronaldo is in love with you.
Go to him.

What?

You're in love with me?

Sí. It is true. Yes.

God, that would drive me crazy.

Ronaldo, I-I don't know
what to say.

I mean, of course,
when I hired you,

I found you very attractive.

That's why I hire
all my people.

But I...

I never thought you...

would find me...

Perfecto?

Because that's what you are --
perfect.

No. I'm out. I'm out.
I'm out. I can't.

Gloria, I forgot my towel!

Here it is.
Nice and toasty from the dryer.

Gloria!

She ran to the store.
Breakfast in 5.

Your underpants are pressed
and on your bed.

Gloria!

So, if I'm hearing you right,
you're not so much mad

about the prostitute
in the kitchen

as you are about
my lying to you.

No, I'm mad about
the prostitute in the kitchen.

- Hmm.
- That's my bad.

Yes, it is. It's your bad, Frank.
Very bad.

Look, I'm a progressive woman.

I-I took a pole-dancing class.

I sent my daughter
to college with condoms.

Wait, now, I think that
sends the wrong message.

- Thank you very much.
- No! You don't get to judge!

I... Frank, I'm --

I know you're upset about
Annie breaking up with you.

Wait, Annie didn't
break up with me.

I broke up with her.

- W-what?
- Why? I thought she was so great!

Well, I got scared.
I didn't know how to...

be with another woman.

I thought your mother and I
would be together forever.

- Ah...
- I'm sorry, dad.

I never would have gone through
with it last night,

but, uh, Jeannie
was so nice and professional.

Well, thank you, Frank.

And for what it's worth,

you got nothing
to be nervous about.

You were wonderful.

Really? You think so?

Yeah.

If you love that woman,
you should go get her back.

She'll be lucky to have you.

Seriously, I see a lot
of guys your age.

Most of them can barely --

Okay. Let's get you in that cab.

I love your kids.

That Alex is like a little me.

- Yeah!
- Oh, my God.

Good morning, boss,
junior boss.

Grab a seat and check it out.

Egg-white omelet,
high-protein smoothies,

then I thought we could put
on our running shoes and go --

I need to cut you off
right there, chief.

Seems my wife
overstepped her bounds.

- Now, you seem like a nice guy.
- Thanks.

But I don't think you're
the best fit for this house.

- Are -- are you serious?
- I'm afraid so.

Okay.

It was the underpants,
wasn't it?

That didn't help.

Man, I came on too strong.
Gosh dang it!

My dad warned me about
that when I turned 14.

He said, "son, you're about
to be the man of the family.

"You got to learn
to give people time

to see how special you are."

Why were you the man
of the family?

- He sort of died.
- How?

I don't want to bring you down,
little man.

Neither did my dad.

He'd say, "my disease
can't be all bad

if it rhymes with 'answer.'"

those are the flaxseed
muffins that I just baked.

I'll just take them out
and get out of here.

Andy, wait.

We're never gonna eat them.

Well, then...
I'm sorry it didn't work out.

What didn't work out?

My mission here.

It was really nice to meet you,
though, Mrs. P.

You didn't even
give him a chance.

We took a vote, mom.

You got to respect the vote.

No! You make me hire these nannies
that I don't like.

But when I find one that I like,
you fire him?!

I am the one that spends
most of the time around here!

- So I get to pick!
- Shh.

Sometimes the louder we are,
the less we're heard.

- You're frustrated right now, aren't you?
- Yes.

Because you feel like
they're not hearing you.

Yes.

Well, that's exactly
how they feel.

I'm sorry that I
ignored your feelings.

I promise that I will try
not to yell so much.

- You're hired.
- What?!

You better drink that smoothie.
We're going on a run!

This isn't over.

Life isn't easy.

Sometimes we just
need a little help.

Getting your confidence back,

getting on the same page,

getting out of your own way.

Or just getting moving.

And I'm pleased
as punch to be the one --

Okay, this is tough enough
without all the yammering!

Sorry.
Whoo!

What would you like to dance to?

I have to tell you we have to have
some sort of square dancing.

We're not doing country.

- No square dancing.
- We're not.

- There will be no hoedown tonight.
- Pepper and I are on...

My family is going to throw a fit.

- They'll riot.
- We're not getting married for them.

We're getting married for us.

And I think we have
a decorative cake out front,

and then we have
sheet cakes in the back.

Oh, I see! Is that the theme
you're going for -- tacky?!

Sheet -- like a sheet.

Oh, "sheet."
I thought he said "chic cake."

All of my cakes are chic.

Synced by YYeTs, corrected by gloriabg
www.addic7ed.com