All language subtitles for Modern Family - 5x04 - Farm Strong.HDTV.x264-2HD.en

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,061 --> 00:00:08,281 I remember before we got kids and I could just lie in bed on Saturday. 2 00:00:08,481 --> 00:00:09,681 That's how we got them. 3 00:00:10,149 --> 00:00:12,249 Why did I have to be so sexy? 4 00:00:13,702 --> 00:00:15,702 A few moths ago, Luke joined the club soccer team 5 00:00:15,702 --> 00:00:16,902 and at first we were thrilled. 6 00:00:17,634 --> 00:00:20,754 But then we realised it takes over your whole weekend. 7 00:00:20,954 --> 00:00:22,154 And not in the cool MythBusters marathon way. 8 00:00:23,278 --> 00:00:25,378 Luke sits on the bench. A lot. 9 00:00:25,578 --> 00:00:27,178 Which means we sit at the hot sun 10 00:00:27,178 --> 00:00:29,578 for like 8 hours, just to see him play 5 minutes. 11 00:00:30,372 --> 00:00:32,092 But what five minutes. Tell them about last week. 12 00:00:32,228 --> 00:00:33,228 Oh. Yeah. 13 00:00:33,403 --> 00:00:35,503 Luke stopped a goal with his face. 14 00:00:36,400 --> 00:00:38,396 - Too bad he doesn't remember that. - Yeah. 15 00:00:38,762 --> 00:00:42,293 What if we sent Luke to the game without us today? 16 00:00:42,294 --> 00:00:43,980 - We can't do that. - Why not? 17 00:00:43,981 --> 00:00:46,491 Missing one tournament doesn't make us bad parents. 18 00:00:46,492 --> 00:00:49,420 My mom never went to any of my stuff. I'm fine. 19 00:00:49,421 --> 00:00:50,842 Why didn't she go to any of your stuff? 20 00:00:50,843 --> 00:00:52,529 Because she was an incredibly competitive woman 21 00:00:52,530 --> 00:00:54,564 who didn't like to see me do very well at anything, 22 00:00:54,565 --> 00:00:56,055 but I think it's pretty clear who won. 23 00:00:57,178 --> 00:00:58,341 I'm working now, you know, 24 00:00:58,342 --> 00:01:00,492 and I really need my weekends back 25 00:01:00,493 --> 00:01:02,260 to -- to catch up on errands. 26 00:01:02,279 --> 00:01:03,776 I don't know. It just feels wrong. 27 00:01:03,796 --> 00:01:07,557 Would it feel wrong to use that robot gutter cleaner 28 00:01:07,558 --> 00:01:09,413 that's been sitting in the box for the last three weeks? 29 00:01:09,414 --> 00:01:11,482 - No, that would feel right -- so right. - Mm-hmm. 30 00:01:11,483 --> 00:01:13,218 Did I tell you I call it "the gutter done"? 31 00:01:13,219 --> 00:01:14,815 You did! I love "gutter done." 32 00:01:14,816 --> 00:01:16,602 It's your sense of humor. It's so fun. 33 00:01:16,603 --> 00:01:18,428 Okay, stop drilling. You struck oil. 34 00:01:18,429 --> 00:01:20,775 But only if Luke's 100% cool with it. 35 00:01:20,776 --> 00:01:22,510 Yeah, of course. I'm on it. 36 00:01:22,530 --> 00:01:24,707 You know, if we're not going, 37 00:01:25,669 --> 00:01:27,516 we could stay in bed a little longer. 38 00:01:27,637 --> 00:01:28,929 - No, thank you. - Okay. 39 00:01:28,930 --> 00:01:31,426 Don't want to have this conversation again in 15 years. 40 00:01:40,338 --> 00:01:43,838 Synced by YYeTs, corrected by gloriabg www.addic7ed.com 41 00:01:47,560 --> 00:01:49,214 What are you doing with those swatches? 42 00:01:49,215 --> 00:01:50,522 She's gonna be here any minute. 43 00:01:50,523 --> 00:01:52,529 I told you to put all this wedding stuff away. 44 00:01:52,530 --> 00:01:54,763 Are these really our top-two choices for color palette? 45 00:01:54,764 --> 00:01:55,838 Why are they both white? 46 00:01:55,839 --> 00:01:59,241 That's what my friend Keisha asks about you and daddy. 47 00:01:59,903 --> 00:02:01,130 Instead of hiding all this stuff, 48 00:02:01,131 --> 00:02:03,046 why don't you just tell Pam we're getting married? 49 00:02:03,047 --> 00:02:05,318 I will, when she's ready. 50 00:02:05,342 --> 00:02:08,316 Carefully and preferably in a large, open field. 51 00:02:08,383 --> 00:02:10,487 She's your sister, not the Hulk. 52 00:02:10,488 --> 00:02:12,991 My big sister, Pam, is emotionally fragile 53 00:02:12,992 --> 00:02:14,953 and she's still single, so when she finds out 54 00:02:14,954 --> 00:02:16,802 I'm getting married before she is -- 55 00:02:17,894 --> 00:02:18,520 look out. 56 00:02:18,521 --> 00:02:20,615 She can be meaner than a barn owl at sunset. 57 00:02:20,616 --> 00:02:21,900 Because that's when they wake up? 58 00:02:21,901 --> 00:02:23,467 Yep. That's morning time for a barn owl. 59 00:02:25,306 --> 00:02:27,368 - It's her! - Quick! Hide! 60 00:02:27,369 --> 00:02:28,917 It's okay, Lily. Come on. 61 00:02:28,918 --> 00:02:30,196 Oh, take that bow out of her hair. 62 00:02:30,197 --> 00:02:31,702 I don't want to rub our daughter's adorableness 63 00:02:31,703 --> 00:02:32,841 in my barren sister's face. 64 00:02:32,842 --> 00:02:35,520 - There she is! - Hey, Pam! 65 00:02:35,521 --> 00:02:37,136 Hey, hey, hey, hey. 66 00:02:37,137 --> 00:02:39,355 Well, the damn airline lost my trunk. 67 00:02:39,356 --> 00:02:41,861 - Now I'm gonna have to make new clothes. - Oh, no. 68 00:02:41,908 --> 00:02:42,650 Yep. 69 00:02:42,892 --> 00:02:44,566 I need to squeeze something. 70 00:02:44,567 --> 00:02:46,792 - Get over here, Lily. - I'm good. 71 00:02:46,851 --> 00:02:48,325 Yeah, well, she's shy. 72 00:02:48,346 --> 00:02:50,701 So, Pam, we've got some big news. 73 00:02:50,702 --> 00:02:52,222 Speaking of big news -- 74 00:02:52,223 --> 00:02:53,977 you remember that little ugly girl 75 00:02:53,978 --> 00:02:55,750 I used to babysit, Britney Horner? 76 00:02:55,751 --> 00:02:57,759 - Yeah. - Well, she got married last summer, 77 00:02:57,760 --> 00:02:59,161 and now she's pregnant with twins. 78 00:02:59,162 --> 00:03:02,202 So, if you're keeping track, that's ugly -- 2, me -- nothing. 79 00:03:02,576 --> 00:03:03,715 What's your news? 80 00:03:03,908 --> 00:03:04,706 Um... well... 81 00:03:04,707 --> 00:03:06,234 We're getting a new dryer. 82 00:03:07,560 --> 00:03:09,449 Well, I'm very happy for y'all. 83 00:03:10,237 --> 00:03:11,135 Thank you. 84 00:03:11,370 --> 00:03:13,451 How come I never get a new dryer? 85 00:03:15,846 --> 00:03:17,547 Mom, in all the time you've known grandpa, 86 00:03:17,548 --> 00:03:19,178 has he ever used the word "fluxions"? 87 00:03:19,179 --> 00:03:21,692 That is not an f-word I have heard him use. 88 00:03:21,693 --> 00:03:23,389 He's beating me in "Words with friends." 89 00:03:23,390 --> 00:03:24,469 How is that even possible? 90 00:03:24,470 --> 00:03:26,154 Shouldn't you be playing "Words with friends" 91 00:03:26,155 --> 00:03:27,385 with friends? 92 00:03:27,493 --> 00:03:28,745 Grandpa is my friend. 93 00:03:28,746 --> 00:03:30,918 Of course he is. That's not sad. What? 94 00:03:31,364 --> 00:03:32,857 Morning, buddy. What's with the pillow? 95 00:03:32,858 --> 00:03:33,666 It's for soccer. 96 00:03:33,667 --> 00:03:36,067 My neck gets pretty tired watching all those games. 97 00:03:36,506 --> 00:03:37,380 Right. 98 00:03:37,448 --> 00:03:38,786 Yeah, I'll bet. 99 00:03:38,889 --> 00:03:40,764 Say, listen, your dad and I were just talking 100 00:03:40,765 --> 00:03:43,835 about you maybe wanting to go to the game without us today. 101 00:03:43,836 --> 00:03:45,915 - Oh. - But it's totally up to you. 102 00:03:45,916 --> 00:03:48,199 Whatever you want because we love you very much. 103 00:03:48,200 --> 00:03:50,681 Right. You can either ride with some of your teammates, 104 00:03:50,682 --> 00:03:52,806 like the L.A. Kings, or you can ride with us, 105 00:03:52,807 --> 00:03:55,841 like how Gloria and grandpa take Joe to playdates. 106 00:03:56,267 --> 00:03:58,237 Professional athlete, little poopy baby -- 107 00:03:58,238 --> 00:04:00,028 - your call. - I'll get a ride with Max. 108 00:04:00,029 --> 00:04:01,508 - Great! - Are you sure it's okay? 109 00:04:01,509 --> 00:04:02,604 Yeah, it's fine. 110 00:04:02,605 --> 00:04:04,002 Hey, can I borrow your sleep mask? 111 00:04:04,003 --> 00:04:05,668 - You bet. - Awesome. 112 00:04:07,311 --> 00:04:09,122 Yes! I love that kid. 113 00:04:09,123 --> 00:04:11,163 Can you imagine how easy it would be if it was just him? 114 00:04:11,164 --> 00:04:12,403 - Mm. - I mean... 115 00:04:12,404 --> 00:04:13,629 I know what you mean. 116 00:04:20,385 --> 00:04:21,321 You call that folded? 117 00:04:21,322 --> 00:04:22,739 Where's that military precision? 118 00:04:22,740 --> 00:04:25,008 We didn't fold many onesies in the Navy. 119 00:04:25,735 --> 00:04:27,293 I'm back! 120 00:04:27,575 --> 00:04:28,826 What did the doctor say? 121 00:04:28,827 --> 00:04:30,953 He said my eyes are perfect. 122 00:04:30,954 --> 00:04:32,765 Where was he looking when he said it? 123 00:04:33,557 --> 00:04:34,968 Pretty sure Gloria needs glasses. 124 00:04:34,969 --> 00:04:37,207 The last couple of months, she's been struggling. 125 00:04:45,894 --> 00:04:48,018 I'll take this one. It looks very good. 126 00:04:50,331 --> 00:04:51,964 That's their address, Magoo. 127 00:04:53,348 --> 00:04:54,874 Did he even give you an eye test? 128 00:04:54,875 --> 00:04:55,973 He put the spoon in one eye, 129 00:04:55,974 --> 00:04:57,030 the spoon in the other eye, 130 00:04:57,031 --> 00:04:58,826 the puff puff, the eye drops. 131 00:04:58,827 --> 00:05:01,085 20/20. Now who's the Magoo? 132 00:05:02,389 --> 00:05:03,843 What the hell language was that? 133 00:05:05,356 --> 00:05:07,038 Did you see that fresh coat of nail polish? 134 00:05:07,039 --> 00:05:08,517 She never went to the doctor. 135 00:05:08,578 --> 00:05:10,550 - Why would she lie? - She's vain, Manny. 136 00:05:10,598 --> 00:05:12,097 She doesn't want to wear glasses. 137 00:05:12,098 --> 00:05:13,641 Well, she's only hurting herself. 138 00:05:17,866 --> 00:05:20,481 - Okay, I hope you're hungry. - Starving. 139 00:05:20,482 --> 00:05:22,837 That damn airline ran out of roast beef. 140 00:05:22,838 --> 00:05:23,838 Tried to fast talk me 141 00:05:23,839 --> 00:05:25,259 into eating something called "hoo-mus." 142 00:05:25,260 --> 00:05:27,186 Oh, hummus -- it's actually really delicious. 143 00:05:27,187 --> 00:05:29,440 You would like tha-- uh. Oh. 144 00:05:31,038 --> 00:05:33,217 - What's this? - Oh, uh, that's an action figure. 145 00:05:33,525 --> 00:05:34,661 It's two grooms. 146 00:05:34,662 --> 00:05:35,955 They melted together in the car 147 00:05:35,956 --> 00:05:37,162 on a very, very hot day. 148 00:05:37,163 --> 00:05:38,245 It was 103. 149 00:05:38,281 --> 00:05:40,342 My daddies are getting married. 150 00:05:40,971 --> 00:05:42,470 Your dads are getting married? 151 00:05:42,951 --> 00:05:44,314 That can't be right. 152 00:05:44,743 --> 00:05:46,961 That's what my friend Keisha says. 153 00:05:49,401 --> 00:05:50,401 Is this true? 154 00:05:50,402 --> 00:05:52,984 Pam, honest to goodness, we were gonna tell you. 155 00:05:52,985 --> 00:05:54,187 Get over here, you! 156 00:05:54,188 --> 00:05:55,215 Hey, hey! 157 00:05:55,226 --> 00:05:56,358 She's got me. 158 00:05:56,420 --> 00:05:57,850 Well, damn! 159 00:05:58,661 --> 00:06:00,741 This is the greatest news I've ever heard! 160 00:06:00,742 --> 00:06:03,998 Oh, I am so happy to hear you say that, Pam. 161 00:06:04,215 --> 00:06:05,953 Of course. Oh! 162 00:06:05,954 --> 00:06:08,696 I want my baby brother to be happy. 163 00:06:08,990 --> 00:06:11,852 And as long as we're sharing, I have some news. 164 00:06:11,853 --> 00:06:13,276 You remember Bo Johnson? 165 00:06:13,277 --> 00:06:16,037 Oh, my gosh, how could I forget? Oh! 166 00:06:16,038 --> 00:06:17,724 He was my first crush. 167 00:06:18,140 --> 00:06:19,832 Please tell me nothing happened to his face. 168 00:06:19,833 --> 00:06:21,216 What did he fall into? 169 00:06:21,371 --> 00:06:22,998 He fell into me. 170 00:06:22,999 --> 00:06:24,412 We're engaged! 171 00:06:24,413 --> 00:06:26,865 Say what? Bo and I are getting married! 172 00:06:26,866 --> 00:06:30,022 That is fantastic! Cam, isn't this great news? 173 00:06:30,023 --> 00:06:30,775 Come here, you. Oh! 174 00:06:30,776 --> 00:06:32,617 Yeah. So great. 175 00:06:32,618 --> 00:06:35,485 Oh! Get in on this! Come on! 176 00:06:36,410 --> 00:06:37,629 Thank you for jumping. 177 00:06:39,105 --> 00:06:41,516 I didn't feel guilty for missing Luke's soccer tournament 178 00:06:41,517 --> 00:06:43,260 because I had a ton of errands 179 00:06:43,261 --> 00:06:45,413 I figured would take me all day to finish. 180 00:06:45,820 --> 00:06:49,251 But for some weird reason, I was flying through my list. 181 00:06:49,381 --> 00:06:51,310 I ended up in every short line. 182 00:06:51,474 --> 00:06:53,117 I made every green light. 183 00:06:53,715 --> 00:06:55,705 It was the ultimate karmic bitch-slap. 184 00:06:56,002 --> 00:06:58,016 Because suddenly I had no more errands, 185 00:06:58,017 --> 00:06:59,688 which meant no more excuses, 186 00:06:59,689 --> 00:07:03,015 which meant me at that boring soccer tournament. 187 00:07:06,128 --> 00:07:07,194 Hi. There you are. 188 00:07:07,195 --> 00:07:08,759 Your son is playing so great. 189 00:07:08,760 --> 00:07:10,538 - No, I'm Luke's mom. - No, I know. 190 00:07:10,539 --> 00:07:12,933 - He's been amazing all day. - Luke? 191 00:07:13,652 --> 00:07:15,467 Oh! Luke? 192 00:07:15,468 --> 00:07:16,304 Here, you want one? 193 00:07:16,305 --> 00:07:17,892 Uh, no, thanks. I'm coffeed out. 194 00:07:17,893 --> 00:07:21,167 - Oh, honey, it's sangria. - Well, all right. 195 00:07:24,081 --> 00:07:26,002 Okay, that's it. Grandpa's cheating. 196 00:07:26,036 --> 00:07:28,239 On Gloria? How could he possibly do better? 197 00:07:28,270 --> 00:07:30,309 No, not on Gloria -- on this game. 198 00:07:30,969 --> 00:07:32,627 I've never lost it to anyone. 199 00:07:32,628 --> 00:07:35,024 Keep playing word games with grandpa, and you never will. 200 00:07:35,236 --> 00:07:36,282 Hey, girls! 201 00:07:36,523 --> 00:07:38,380 Hey. What is that thing? 202 00:07:38,381 --> 00:07:39,483 What do they call it, 203 00:07:39,484 --> 00:07:40,906 or what should they have called it? 204 00:07:40,907 --> 00:07:42,794 - Never mind. - Uh, wait, wait, wait! 205 00:07:43,019 --> 00:07:44,255 It's a gutter cleaner. 206 00:07:45,911 --> 00:07:50,905 Ladies, I give you the future. 207 00:07:53,121 --> 00:07:55,710 How many times have you girls seen me fall off this ladder? 208 00:07:55,711 --> 00:07:58,432 Now that's gonna happen less. 209 00:07:58,790 --> 00:07:59,865 Looks like your, uh, 210 00:07:59,866 --> 00:08:01,798 gutter cleaner is stuck on something. 211 00:08:01,799 --> 00:08:02,491 Not a problem. 212 00:08:02,492 --> 00:08:04,848 This baby detects blockage and then ramps up the power. 213 00:08:04,849 --> 00:08:07,742 That's why I've nicknamed it "The gutter done." 214 00:08:08,754 --> 00:08:09,694 - Stop! - Dad! 215 00:08:09,695 --> 00:08:11,692 Sorry, it's such a missed opportunity. 216 00:08:11,693 --> 00:08:13,255 - Aah! - Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God! 217 00:08:13,256 --> 00:08:14,874 - What? What happened? - It's a bird's nest! 218 00:08:14,875 --> 00:08:16,807 - No! - And they're all dead! 219 00:08:16,808 --> 00:08:18,937 - Oh, my God! - You killed them! 220 00:08:18,938 --> 00:08:20,201 Honey, it wasn't me! 221 00:08:20,202 --> 00:08:22,073 It was the robot! 222 00:08:23,901 --> 00:08:25,329 It doesn't know! 223 00:08:28,084 --> 00:08:29,813 I'm sorry! 224 00:08:30,784 --> 00:08:32,633 Mom! Mom! Help! 225 00:08:32,634 --> 00:08:33,705 What?! What happened?! 226 00:08:33,706 --> 00:08:36,568 - I just ate a handful of this rat poison. - Why?! 227 00:08:36,569 --> 00:08:37,702 I thought it was trail mix. 228 00:08:37,703 --> 00:08:39,947 - Why do I keep it so close together? - I'll call 911! 229 00:08:39,948 --> 00:08:42,405 Here, read the box! Tell me what it says to do! 230 00:08:42,406 --> 00:08:43,155 Hurry! 231 00:08:43,532 --> 00:08:46,120 - It says... - I don't have much time! 232 00:08:46,121 --> 00:08:47,514 In the... 233 00:08:48,760 --> 00:08:52,296 - And I'm dead. - What? 234 00:08:52,297 --> 00:08:55,850 You'd rather kill your husband than admit you need glasses. 235 00:08:55,851 --> 00:08:57,760 - Wow, mom. - It's not poison? 236 00:08:57,761 --> 00:08:58,637 Oh, there's rat poison, 237 00:08:58,638 --> 00:09:00,985 and I do keep it dangerously close to the trail mix, 238 00:09:00,986 --> 00:09:02,265 but this was to point out 239 00:09:02,266 --> 00:09:03,949 that your vanity could be fatal. 240 00:09:03,950 --> 00:09:05,402 I knew this was all a trick. 241 00:09:05,403 --> 00:09:08,506 That's why I acted like I couldn't read that box! 242 00:09:08,688 --> 00:09:11,247 How many people have to pretend to die, Gloria? 243 00:09:12,368 --> 00:09:14,065 It just doesn't make any sense. 244 00:09:14,066 --> 00:09:17,762 - Pam and bo Johnson? My bo Johnson? - "My"? 245 00:09:17,763 --> 00:09:20,481 Should it bother me that you're this jealous of an old crush? 246 00:09:20,482 --> 00:09:21,736 Oh, don't be ridiculous. 247 00:09:21,737 --> 00:09:22,877 Bo is straight. 248 00:09:22,878 --> 00:09:24,760 He'd probably never go for me. 249 00:09:27,194 --> 00:09:29,655 Oh, my gosh, it is Bo! 250 00:09:30,121 --> 00:09:32,007 Look, he's hotter than ever. 251 00:09:34,184 --> 00:09:35,581 - I'm gonna answer it. - No, you can't. 252 00:09:35,582 --> 00:09:37,937 Yes, I can. We're practically family. 253 00:09:39,213 --> 00:09:41,557 Hey, dude. It's Cam. 254 00:09:41,558 --> 00:09:42,453 Where? 255 00:09:43,004 --> 00:09:45,520 Been good -- been real, real good. 256 00:09:46,190 --> 00:09:47,787 So, you and Pam, huh? 257 00:09:49,499 --> 00:09:51,029 Hey, better be good to my old sis, 258 00:09:51,030 --> 00:09:52,635 or I'll have to wrestle you down. 259 00:09:53,920 --> 00:09:55,412 Hey, question -- 260 00:09:55,413 --> 00:09:58,157 do you still have that friendship bracelet that I made for you? 261 00:09:58,926 --> 00:09:59,881 Oh, okay. 262 00:09:59,882 --> 00:10:03,084 Yeah, okay, if you're busy, I'll have Pam call you back. 263 00:10:03,514 --> 00:10:05,795 Hey, and, Bo, congratulations. 264 00:10:05,978 --> 00:10:06,872 You too. 265 00:10:07,810 --> 00:10:09,846 - Can you believe it? - Oh, and we're gay again. 266 00:10:09,847 --> 00:10:11,000 It just doesn't make sense. 267 00:10:11,001 --> 00:10:12,906 I mean, he's got to be after our drilling rights. 268 00:10:12,907 --> 00:10:14,051 I knew it. 269 00:10:15,449 --> 00:10:17,400 This is why I didn't want to tell you. 270 00:10:17,932 --> 00:10:19,679 I knew you couldn't stand the thought 271 00:10:19,680 --> 00:10:21,909 of me landing the man of your dreams! 272 00:10:21,910 --> 00:10:22,963 "Dreams" is strong. 273 00:10:22,964 --> 00:10:25,403 Believe it or not, Bo and I are in love. 274 00:10:25,404 --> 00:10:28,018 He thinks I'm beautiful, and he's right. 275 00:10:28,291 --> 00:10:31,622 And for the record, Bo has twice the land we do. 276 00:10:31,623 --> 00:10:34,222 He has absolutely no interest in my drilling rights! 277 00:10:34,223 --> 00:10:36,382 - Not that kind, at least. - Okay, let's just relax. 278 00:10:36,383 --> 00:10:39,258 Hey, hey, come on, Pam, do you want to pick me up again? 279 00:10:39,319 --> 00:10:41,179 - They warned me, you know. - Who warned you? 280 00:10:41,180 --> 00:10:43,995 The whole family said you wouldn't take it well. 281 00:10:44,402 --> 00:10:45,574 Ever since you moved to the city 282 00:10:45,575 --> 00:10:47,072 'cause you couldn't hack it on the farm. 283 00:10:47,073 --> 00:10:49,312 - "Couldn't hack it"? - Yeah, that's right. 284 00:10:49,313 --> 00:10:52,448 Everyone knows, Cam, you're not farm strong. 285 00:10:52,449 --> 00:10:54,113 You take that back, Pameron Jessica Tucker! 286 00:10:54,114 --> 00:10:56,991 I will not! You are weak and weepy. 287 00:10:56,992 --> 00:10:58,905 That's why we can't ever say anything to you 288 00:10:58,906 --> 00:11:01,170 'cause we know you'll crumble into a big heaping mess! 289 00:11:01,171 --> 00:11:03,112 Oh, are you saying I'm the one people have to step around -- 290 00:11:03,113 --> 00:11:04,558 that I'm the Pam of the family? 291 00:11:04,559 --> 00:11:06,217 You mean the Cam of the family?! 292 00:11:06,218 --> 00:11:08,094 - 'Cause that's what we all call it! - Okay, that's enough! 293 00:11:08,095 --> 00:11:08,694 That's enough! That's enough! 294 00:11:08,695 --> 00:11:09,747 - You know what? - Well, I was Gammy's favorite! 295 00:11:09,748 --> 00:11:10,548 - That's enough! - Really? 296 00:11:10,549 --> 00:11:12,711 - Yeah! - Come on! Enough! 297 00:11:13,256 --> 00:11:14,515 No! 298 00:11:15,780 --> 00:11:17,002 Seriously -- Pameron? 299 00:11:20,637 --> 00:11:23,238 Oh! Way to go, Luke! 300 00:11:23,239 --> 00:11:24,817 The kid's amazing. Amazing. 301 00:11:24,818 --> 00:11:27,235 So great. Right? Hello? 302 00:11:27,351 --> 00:11:28,718 - Claire? - Phil? 303 00:11:29,168 --> 00:11:32,152 Oh, hi, honey, I was -- I was just about to call you. 304 00:11:32,502 --> 00:11:34,088 I killed a bunch of baby birds. 305 00:11:34,089 --> 00:11:36,021 - What? - My robot wiped out the nest. 306 00:11:36,022 --> 00:11:38,040 And now the mom's just staring at me. 307 00:11:39,850 --> 00:11:42,073 They recognize faces, you know. I saw it in a documentary. 308 00:11:42,074 --> 00:11:43,863 Sweetie, I'm sure it was just an accident. 309 00:11:43,864 --> 00:11:44,623 None of this would have happened 310 00:11:44,624 --> 00:11:45,856 if we'd just gone to Luke's game. 311 00:11:45,857 --> 00:11:48,799 - We're terrible parents for not going. - No. No. 312 00:11:48,800 --> 00:11:50,331 Was that a whistle? Where are you? 313 00:11:50,332 --> 00:11:53,187 Um, I-I'm just walking by a construction site. 314 00:11:53,188 --> 00:11:54,193 Pervs! 315 00:11:54,689 --> 00:11:56,556 Sorry. Sorry. Not you. 316 00:11:56,570 --> 00:11:58,096 I hope Luke's not mad at us. 317 00:11:58,097 --> 00:11:59,501 No, he's fine, honey. 318 00:11:59,502 --> 00:12:01,624 Or he's not. He -- he could be mad. 319 00:12:01,625 --> 00:12:03,069 We don't know. We won't -- we won't know. 320 00:12:03,070 --> 00:12:04,070 I'll -- I'll be home soon, though. 321 00:12:04,071 --> 00:12:05,766 I love you. Okay, bye-bye. 322 00:12:06,293 --> 00:12:07,171 Thank you. It was great. 323 00:12:07,172 --> 00:12:08,747 Hey, Luke, Luke, Luke, 324 00:12:08,748 --> 00:12:11,081 don't tell your dad I was here, all right? Great game. 325 00:12:11,247 --> 00:12:12,125 Claire? 326 00:12:13,808 --> 00:12:14,594 Claire? 327 00:12:22,890 --> 00:12:24,252 - Mwah! - Say good night to daddy. 328 00:12:24,253 --> 00:12:25,968 - Mwah! - Good night, my boy. 329 00:12:26,540 --> 00:12:29,518 Hey, grandpa, great word you played earlier today. 330 00:12:29,519 --> 00:12:31,063 What does "syzygy" even mean? 331 00:12:31,064 --> 00:12:33,258 It means 45 points. Ha! 332 00:12:34,525 --> 00:12:36,837 Hey, everybody, you remember my sister, Pam. 333 00:12:36,838 --> 00:12:38,147 Oh, hi, Pam. 334 00:12:38,148 --> 00:12:40,051 She's here to pay a visit and cast aspersions. 335 00:12:40,052 --> 00:12:41,497 - Oh, grow up. - You grow up. 336 00:12:41,498 --> 00:12:42,583 Real good one. 337 00:12:42,957 --> 00:12:44,981 Hi, y'all. I brought boar. 338 00:12:45,251 --> 00:12:47,516 Oh. Well, let me give you a hand with that. 339 00:12:47,517 --> 00:12:49,423 Cam, look, I know you're upset, 340 00:12:49,424 --> 00:12:51,448 but please just try and let it go tonight. 341 00:12:51,449 --> 00:12:53,571 Well, can you believe she said I'm the emotionally fragile one? 342 00:12:53,572 --> 00:12:54,583 I mean, how crazy is that? 343 00:12:54,584 --> 00:12:56,754 - Boy. - "Boy"? 344 00:12:56,755 --> 00:12:57,642 Is that your thinly veiled 345 00:12:57,643 --> 00:12:59,599 - way of saying you agree with her? - Pfft. 346 00:12:59,874 --> 00:13:00,518 Okay, you know what? 347 00:13:00,519 --> 00:13:02,465 If I was fragile, I would care, but I'm not, so I don't. 348 00:13:02,466 --> 00:13:05,043 - Good. - Good. And you know what? That shirt washes you out, 349 00:13:05,044 --> 00:13:07,338 so don't be shocked when someone mistakes you for a beige candle. 350 00:13:07,339 --> 00:13:08,482 Hey, everyone. 351 00:13:08,871 --> 00:13:10,591 - Hi, Luke. - Hey, buddy. 352 00:13:10,754 --> 00:13:12,451 I'm so sorry I missed your game. 353 00:13:12,452 --> 00:13:14,727 We are both so sorry we missed your game. 354 00:13:14,728 --> 00:13:15,827 The universe punished me. 355 00:13:15,828 --> 00:13:17,917 I did something awful to a bunch of baby crows. 356 00:13:17,918 --> 00:13:20,207 Actually, it's not a bunch of crows. It's called a murder. 357 00:13:20,489 --> 00:13:21,890 I know what I did! 358 00:13:22,143 --> 00:13:24,219 - How was your game? - Fine. Nothing special. 359 00:13:24,220 --> 00:13:26,290 What do you mean, "fine, nothing special"? 360 00:13:26,512 --> 00:13:28,901 Well, there was this girl on the 16-year-old team 361 00:13:28,902 --> 00:13:30,097 who wasn't wearing a bra. 362 00:13:30,098 --> 00:13:31,446 - So that was cool. - Huh. 363 00:13:31,705 --> 00:13:33,039 But Josh's mom texted me. 364 00:13:33,040 --> 00:13:34,800 She said you were having a great game. 365 00:13:34,801 --> 00:13:36,115 She drinks. 366 00:13:37,536 --> 00:13:38,989 I-I'll be right back. 367 00:13:39,645 --> 00:13:41,701 - Hey, Phil. - Hey, Pam. 368 00:13:42,234 --> 00:13:43,940 Oh. Sorry. 369 00:13:45,073 --> 00:13:46,435 It's my parents again. 370 00:13:46,436 --> 00:13:47,657 I'm getting married soon, 371 00:13:47,658 --> 00:13:50,485 and they're already acting like they have empty nest syndrome. 372 00:13:52,765 --> 00:13:54,384 I appreciate you not saying 373 00:13:54,385 --> 00:13:55,610 anything to your dad about me being there, 374 00:13:55,611 --> 00:13:57,663 but why aren't you telling him what a great game you played? 375 00:13:57,664 --> 00:13:59,676 I can tell he feels bad enough for missing it. 376 00:13:59,677 --> 00:14:01,352 I don't want to make him feel worse. 377 00:14:02,930 --> 00:14:04,323 I screwed up. 378 00:14:04,324 --> 00:14:05,356 Why? What's wrong? 379 00:14:05,442 --> 00:14:07,732 I talked Phil into skipping Luke's game, 380 00:14:07,733 --> 00:14:10,236 and then I went, and, of course, he played the game of his life. 381 00:14:10,237 --> 00:14:12,051 But Luke doesn't want to tell Phil about the game now 382 00:14:12,052 --> 00:14:13,409 because he doesn't want to hurt his feelings. 383 00:14:13,410 --> 00:14:15,842 Oh, well, I think it's sweet that Luke's protecting Phil. 384 00:14:15,843 --> 00:14:18,828 You know, we all have to protect my sister in my family 385 00:14:18,829 --> 00:14:20,550 because she's a disaster. 386 00:14:20,551 --> 00:14:22,622 - Mm. - I mean, you can see it, right? 387 00:14:22,623 --> 00:14:24,853 I think it was a little weird she brought pig to a party. 388 00:14:24,854 --> 00:14:27,553 Hey! I can say it. 389 00:14:29,782 --> 00:14:30,624 Hey, hon. 390 00:14:31,112 --> 00:14:32,720 I'm sorry about what I did before. 391 00:14:32,721 --> 00:14:36,013 I saw this, and I thought it would look beautiful on you. 392 00:14:37,183 --> 00:14:38,872 You know I can't stay mad at you 393 00:14:38,873 --> 00:14:40,460 when you buy me... 394 00:14:40,461 --> 00:14:42,690 Glasses, you son of a bitch! 395 00:14:42,691 --> 00:14:44,465 Just try 'em on. You'll still look gorgeous. 396 00:14:44,466 --> 00:14:46,745 I will try them on when you buy hearing aids! 397 00:14:46,746 --> 00:14:48,732 There's nothing wrong with my hearing. 398 00:14:48,847 --> 00:14:52,494 Um, I have a, uh, hearing-test app on my phone. 399 00:14:52,495 --> 00:14:53,610 Let's do it! 400 00:14:55,534 --> 00:14:57,272 - You do it! - Okay. 401 00:14:57,273 --> 00:14:59,979 Everybody under the age of 60 should be able to hear this. 402 00:15:01,231 --> 00:15:03,141 - Yes. Heard that. - Yeah, definitely. 403 00:15:03,142 --> 00:15:05,278 What? You're lying. You didn't hear anything. 404 00:15:05,279 --> 00:15:07,649 We did! You see, you're deaf! 405 00:15:07,650 --> 00:15:09,759 Okay, 70. 406 00:15:10,006 --> 00:15:11,293 - Mm-hmm. - Yes. 407 00:15:11,294 --> 00:15:13,222 Oh, what is th-- did she put you up to this? 408 00:15:13,223 --> 00:15:15,515 Here, grandpa, I'll play you something even louder. 409 00:15:16,378 --> 00:15:17,633 Okay, I heard that one. 410 00:15:17,634 --> 00:15:19,261 I didn't press anything. 411 00:15:19,620 --> 00:15:21,063 Oh, look who's a cheater. 412 00:15:21,203 --> 00:15:22,313 Don't worry about it, big guy. 413 00:15:22,314 --> 00:15:23,390 I have trouble smelling lemons. 414 00:15:23,391 --> 00:15:24,764 You know, I don't need any of this. 415 00:15:24,765 --> 00:15:26,851 But I'll tell you what I can hear loud and clear. 416 00:15:27,056 --> 00:15:29,672 The sound of you all munching free food. 417 00:15:29,673 --> 00:15:32,823 Oh, come on, dad, aren't you being a little oversensitive? 418 00:15:32,824 --> 00:15:34,675 Oh, well, we can consult my sister, Pam. 419 00:15:34,676 --> 00:15:36,757 - She's the self-appointed sensitivity expert. - Uh-oh. 420 00:15:36,758 --> 00:15:38,661 - Oh, let it go. - I will not let it go. 421 00:15:38,662 --> 00:15:39,563 In fact, I would like 422 00:15:39,564 --> 00:15:41,530 everyone to be honest with me, please, right now. 423 00:15:41,531 --> 00:15:42,942 No sugar-coating. 424 00:15:42,943 --> 00:15:44,670 My sister here seems to think you all 425 00:15:44,671 --> 00:15:47,889 -have to walk on eggshells around me. - Eggshells. 426 00:15:47,890 --> 00:15:49,105 Do you all think I'm so fragile 427 00:15:49,106 --> 00:15:52,781 you can't tell me things for fear of how I will react? 428 00:15:53,121 --> 00:15:55,238 - Well -- - Claire, don't. Zip. Bup-bup-bup. 429 00:15:55,239 --> 00:15:56,968 No, let her talk, please. 430 00:15:57,023 --> 00:15:58,293 Claire, you have the floor. 431 00:15:58,985 --> 00:16:01,704 W-well, you're not not fragile. 432 00:16:02,663 --> 00:16:04,402 Okay, well, why don't you give me an example 433 00:16:04,403 --> 00:16:06,199 of something you haven't told me 434 00:16:06,200 --> 00:16:08,039 because you were worried I couldn't handle it? 435 00:16:08,040 --> 00:16:08,938 Go on. 436 00:16:09,696 --> 00:16:10,551 All right. 437 00:16:11,468 --> 00:16:13,363 Last week when we were supposed to have lunch 438 00:16:13,364 --> 00:16:14,893 - and you canceled... - Mmm-hmm. 439 00:16:18,626 --> 00:16:21,511 Okay. The singer or Pepper's dog? 440 00:16:21,512 --> 00:16:22,573 The singer. 441 00:16:23,199 --> 00:16:25,030 And when I was leaving, 442 00:16:25,031 --> 00:16:27,768 I-I-I stopped and I said hello to her 443 00:16:27,769 --> 00:16:29,272 and we chatted for like 10 minutes. 444 00:16:30,851 --> 00:16:31,794 Okay, that's great. 445 00:16:31,795 --> 00:16:33,453 I'm glad you had that experience? 446 00:16:33,454 --> 00:16:35,793 I mean, I don't know what you talked to her about, 447 00:16:35,794 --> 00:16:37,283 seeing that you don't know any of her songs 448 00:16:37,284 --> 00:16:38,486 other than "Single ladies," 449 00:16:38,487 --> 00:16:40,083 which everyone knows. 450 00:16:40,084 --> 00:16:42,338 - I love that song. - I'm surprised you can hear it. 451 00:16:42,339 --> 00:16:43,813 Well, this was fun. Who's hungry? 452 00:16:43,814 --> 00:16:44,879 Hey, where's that boar? 453 00:16:44,880 --> 00:16:46,220 Okay, anyone else? 454 00:16:46,221 --> 00:16:47,963 Well, since we're coming clean, 455 00:16:48,024 --> 00:16:49,741 you overuse the word "divine." 456 00:16:49,783 --> 00:16:51,955 It's just an ice-cream sandwich. 457 00:16:51,964 --> 00:16:53,440 You're the boy who cried "divine." 458 00:16:53,441 --> 00:16:54,751 Okay. Was not aware of that. 459 00:16:54,752 --> 00:16:56,243 - Duly noted. - Hey, I got one. 460 00:16:56,244 --> 00:16:58,877 Remember that blue rotary phone you gave me for Christmas? 461 00:16:58,878 --> 00:17:00,194 - Yes. - I tossed it. 462 00:17:00,195 --> 00:17:02,830 Okay. May I ask the reason? 463 00:17:02,847 --> 00:17:05,237 It made me feel like Ann-Margret in "Bye bye birdie." 464 00:17:05,238 --> 00:17:07,942 - Why?! - Okay, anyone else? 465 00:17:07,989 --> 00:17:09,129 I don't really like the 466 00:17:09,130 --> 00:17:11,074 - shirts with the crazy cuffs. - Oh, I'm sorry. 467 00:17:11,075 --> 00:17:12,962 Can you push your boobs down? Because I couldn't hear you. 468 00:17:12,963 --> 00:17:15,136 - Here we go. - No, no, here we don't go. 469 00:17:15,228 --> 00:17:18,002 This is fine. I'm fine, okay? 470 00:17:19,051 --> 00:17:20,514 Sometimes when you read to me, 471 00:17:20,515 --> 00:17:23,148 I pretend to fall asleep so you'll go. 472 00:17:24,588 --> 00:17:25,336 I heard that one. 473 00:17:25,337 --> 00:17:28,085 Well, I heard you all loud and clear. 474 00:17:28,086 --> 00:17:28,822 I have to use the restroom. 475 00:17:28,823 --> 00:17:30,554 So, Cam, you're sensitive. 476 00:17:30,555 --> 00:17:32,324 Big deal. It's one of your best qualities. 477 00:17:32,524 --> 00:17:34,724 Thank you Phil. And I'm sorry your Beyonce loving wife 478 00:17:34,791 --> 00:17:36,340 went to Luke's game without you. 479 00:17:38,643 --> 00:17:41,305 See? Farm strong! 480 00:17:45,435 --> 00:17:46,579 You went to Luke's game? 481 00:17:47,015 --> 00:17:48,355 I did, Phil, and I am so sorry. 482 00:17:48,356 --> 00:17:49,582 I did not mean to. 483 00:17:49,583 --> 00:17:52,244 But then he started playing the most amazing game, 484 00:17:52,245 --> 00:17:53,526 and I got so wrapped up in it. 485 00:17:53,527 --> 00:17:54,772 I know I should have called. 486 00:17:54,773 --> 00:17:55,650 Yeah, you should've called. 487 00:17:55,651 --> 00:17:58,300 - You were amazing? - Oh, he was incredible. I wish you'd been there. 488 00:17:58,301 --> 00:18:00,699 Then why'd you make me skip it?! I knew you had it in you! 489 00:18:00,700 --> 00:18:02,320 Oh, coach said he's gonna start next week. 490 00:18:02,321 --> 00:18:04,092 You're starting? I'm so mad at you! 491 00:18:04,093 --> 00:18:05,930 I'm so proud of you! 492 00:18:10,430 --> 00:18:12,145 - Hey, how are you doing in here? - Fine. 493 00:18:12,146 --> 00:18:13,955 I'm a little embarrassed about my outburst, 494 00:18:13,956 --> 00:18:15,248 but otherwise... 495 00:18:16,480 --> 00:18:17,802 You had a lot to take in. 496 00:18:18,357 --> 00:18:20,130 As a lawyer, I should've told you, 497 00:18:20,298 --> 00:18:22,252 never ask questions you don't want the answer to. 498 00:18:22,253 --> 00:18:23,933 Am I really that much of a mess? 499 00:18:24,257 --> 00:18:25,463 Are you not listening to me? 500 00:18:26,907 --> 00:18:29,620 - Hey. Room in here for me? - Not really. 501 00:18:29,939 --> 00:18:33,247 Look, I'm real sorry I said what I said. 502 00:18:33,248 --> 00:18:34,391 No, no, you're right. 503 00:18:34,392 --> 00:18:35,885 I am the Cam of the family. 504 00:18:35,886 --> 00:18:38,016 Apparently, I'm the Cam of two families, so... 505 00:18:38,017 --> 00:18:39,878 So what if you go a little cuckoo 506 00:18:39,879 --> 00:18:41,285 when you get bad news? 507 00:18:41,286 --> 00:18:43,779 You also go all cuckoo when you hear good news. 508 00:18:43,995 --> 00:18:45,779 It's one of the I love most about you. 509 00:18:45,780 --> 00:18:46,800 No, that's -- that's true. 510 00:18:46,801 --> 00:18:48,312 You're the -- you're the first person I call 511 00:18:48,313 --> 00:18:49,296 when I have good news. 512 00:18:49,297 --> 00:18:51,767 I mean, remember when I got my adult braces removed? 513 00:18:51,768 --> 00:18:53,774 Your teeth look divi-- divine. 514 00:18:53,775 --> 00:18:55,996 See? I can't help it. I'm a celebrator. 515 00:18:55,997 --> 00:18:57,169 Of course you are. 516 00:18:57,771 --> 00:18:59,578 And I should have celebrated how lucky Bo is 517 00:18:59,579 --> 00:19:01,306 to land a great gal like you. 518 00:19:03,120 --> 00:19:05,174 Look at me. I'm crying like a Cam. 519 00:19:06,013 --> 00:19:07,344 Sorry, old habits. 520 00:19:11,921 --> 00:19:14,732 - Are you mad because I embarrassed you? - Forget about it. 521 00:19:14,990 --> 00:19:17,032 And I'm gonna ease up on the glasses, too. 522 00:19:17,033 --> 00:19:19,489 It's just that I worry, you know, 523 00:19:19,490 --> 00:19:20,901 you're not seeing everything. 524 00:19:20,938 --> 00:19:22,478 I'm getting old, Jay. 525 00:19:22,693 --> 00:19:23,572 When Manny was little, 526 00:19:23,573 --> 00:19:26,075 I used to run around with him all day 527 00:19:26,076 --> 00:19:27,635 without getting tired. 528 00:19:27,636 --> 00:19:29,647 Today at Joe's baby class, 529 00:19:29,865 --> 00:19:32,539 a 6-year-old had to pull me out of the ball pit. 530 00:19:32,540 --> 00:19:34,406 Hold on. Manny used to run around? 531 00:19:35,429 --> 00:19:38,277 All the mothers are so young and perky. 532 00:19:38,483 --> 00:19:40,328 I hate being the oldest one there. 533 00:19:40,329 --> 00:19:42,071 Well, I for one love that you're getting older. 534 00:19:42,072 --> 00:19:43,998 It makes me feel closer to you. 535 00:19:44,110 --> 00:19:47,970 So you'll like it if I get all wrinkly and saggy? 536 00:19:47,971 --> 00:19:49,433 Well, I wouldn't make it a goal. 537 00:19:49,512 --> 00:19:51,112 Okay, I'll wear them. 538 00:19:54,862 --> 00:19:55,666 What? 539 00:19:56,064 --> 00:19:57,104 Nothing. 540 00:19:57,973 --> 00:19:59,521 You have lines there. 541 00:19:59,522 --> 00:20:01,618 I can see them very clearly now with these -- 542 00:20:01,619 --> 00:20:03,734 Okay, okay, these are just for reading. 543 00:20:04,436 --> 00:20:05,715 I won't be able to hear her. 544 00:20:05,716 --> 00:20:07,019 She won't be able to see me. 545 00:20:07,020 --> 00:20:08,828 We'll be together forever. 546 00:20:13,627 --> 00:20:14,646 Congratulations. 547 00:20:14,647 --> 00:20:16,902 You officially beat me in "Words with friends." 548 00:20:16,903 --> 00:20:18,193 Better luck next time, kid. 549 00:20:18,194 --> 00:20:20,672 Okay, I have to ask -- did you cheat? 550 00:20:20,749 --> 00:20:21,903 Is that how you won? 551 00:20:22,581 --> 00:20:24,148 I never took you for a sore loser. 552 00:20:24,149 --> 00:20:25,369 That's not an answer. 553 00:20:25,512 --> 00:20:27,092 Listen, one day you might be 554 00:20:27,093 --> 00:20:28,482 the smartest person in this family, 555 00:20:28,483 --> 00:20:29,989 but today is not that day. 556 00:20:30,220 --> 00:20:32,733 So tread lightly before you assiduously malign 557 00:20:32,734 --> 00:20:35,507 the veracity of my etymological prowess. 558 00:20:36,857 --> 00:20:38,892 Jay Pritchett out. 559 00:20:42,170 --> 00:20:43,958 You broke your phone, smarty-pants. 560 00:20:43,959 --> 00:20:44,975 Damn it! 561 00:20:45,175 --> 00:20:55,375 Synced by YYeTs, corrected by gloriabg www.addic7ed.com 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net 41614

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