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1
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( music playing )
2
00:00:37,829 --> 00:00:39,502
( bell dings )
3
00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:50,851
They call me Ford Fairlane,
Rock 'n' Roll Detective.
4
00:00:51,009 --> 00:00:53,933
I have the power
to get into the hottest clubs,
5
00:00:54,096 --> 00:00:57,475
the hottest dressing rooms
and the hottest chicks.
6
00:00:57,641 --> 00:01:00,611
I admit it all sounds
pretty nifty in theory.
7
00:01:00,769 --> 00:01:01,986
Then why am I here?
8
00:01:02,145 --> 00:01:04,443
Why do I wish the music industry
and the rest of the globe
9
00:01:04,606 --> 00:01:06,700
would just suck my dick, Tracy?
10
00:01:06,858 --> 00:01:08,280
I'll tell you why.
11
00:01:08,443 --> 00:01:11,242
It all started five nights ago.
12
00:01:11,405 --> 00:01:12,952
I didn't know it yet,
13
00:01:13,115 --> 00:01:15,709
but I was about to get a case
of the Black Plague.
14
00:01:15,867 --> 00:01:19,747
Not the disease that killed
a billion peasants in the 1300s.
15
00:01:19,913 --> 00:01:22,507
Something much scarier.
16
00:01:27,546 --> 00:01:29,548
( cheering )
17
00:01:33,677 --> 00:01:37,272
- ( crowd screaming )
- Hello, LA!
18
00:01:39,308 --> 00:01:41,185
Ford: You see, this band,
the Black Plague,
19
00:01:41,351 --> 00:01:43,524
were considered
the new kings of metal.
20
00:01:43,687 --> 00:01:46,816
I thought they were just some
lucky assholes from Reseda.
21
00:01:46,982 --> 00:01:49,781
Anyway, tonight,
this guy Bobby Black
22
00:01:49,943 --> 00:01:52,446
was goin' to give
the performance of his life.
23
00:02:08,629 --> 00:02:10,472
♪ I said dance ♪
24
00:02:10,631 --> 00:02:12,508
♪ I said prance... ♪
25
00:02:12,674 --> 00:02:16,474
♪ Sleazing in like a monkey ♪
26
00:02:16,637 --> 00:02:20,312
♪ That's cool, I say it's gross ♪
27
00:02:20,474 --> 00:02:24,149
♪ Honey so damn f-funky ♪
28
00:02:24,311 --> 00:02:26,109
♪ Dance to the rhythm ♪
29
00:02:26,271 --> 00:02:27,773
♪ Jungle music rhythm ♪
30
00:02:27,939 --> 00:02:31,660
♪ So primal, animal ♪
31
00:02:31,818 --> 00:02:33,570
♪ Tearing down the gown ♪
32
00:02:33,737 --> 00:02:35,239
♪ Striped with such a strip ♪
33
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♪ She's a winner's rockshot ♪
34
00:02:37,658 --> 00:02:40,832
♪ She don't give up, no ♪
35
00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:44,464
♪ No, she don't give a shit ♪
36
00:02:44,623 --> 00:02:45,920
♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪
37
00:02:46,083 --> 00:02:47,380
♪ She's a rock 'n' roll junkie ♪
38
00:02:47,542 --> 00:02:49,010
♪ That's how she gets her kicks ♪
39
00:02:49,169 --> 00:02:51,217
♪ The way she licks her lips ♪
40
00:02:51,380 --> 00:02:54,509
♪ That's how she gets her fix... ♪
41
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( choking )
42
00:03:00,055 --> 00:03:03,605
Woman:
I love you, Bobby!
43
00:03:17,072 --> 00:03:19,450
Ford: I guess the poor
superstar son of a bitch
44
00:03:19,616 --> 00:03:22,039
wasn't that lucky after all, huh?
45
00:03:24,746 --> 00:03:26,999
In the meantime,
I was miles away
46
00:03:27,165 --> 00:03:30,965
checking out a tip on the case
of the fanatic redheaded fan.
47
00:03:31,128 --> 00:03:35,304
And making my entrance
was unbelievable.
48
00:03:47,936 --> 00:03:50,985
( shouting, clamoring )
49
00:03:52,649 --> 00:03:54,492
- ( gasps )
- Ford: Whoa!
50
00:03:54,651 --> 00:03:56,369
Was my fly undone?
51
00:04:00,407 --> 00:04:02,284
( women gasping, exclaiming )
52
00:04:14,296 --> 00:04:15,513
( zipper unzips )
53
00:04:20,635 --> 00:04:22,683
( clicks )
54
00:04:32,481 --> 00:04:35,576
Ford: I'm so "terrifical"
I even had my own toll-free number.
55
00:04:35,734 --> 00:04:38,487
- ( cranks )
- Ford: 1 -800-UNBELIEVABLE.
56
00:04:38,653 --> 00:04:41,076
Ford, I gotta ask you
to put that out, dude.
57
00:04:41,239 --> 00:04:43,583
Nobody smokes anymore.
58
00:04:43,742 --> 00:04:45,085
Thanks, man.
59
00:04:49,664 --> 00:04:50,961
You son of a bitch.
60
00:04:51,124 --> 00:04:53,343
Another satisfied customer.
61
00:04:55,796 --> 00:04:57,013
Call me.
62
00:04:59,299 --> 00:05:02,348
What goes for my sister
goes double for me.
63
00:05:02,511 --> 00:05:06,186
Don't you remember?
The Jacuzzi? Laurel Canyon?
64
00:05:06,348 --> 00:05:08,897
The Guns N' Roses video
wrap party?
65
00:05:09,059 --> 00:05:10,606
Oh, yeah.
The twins.
66
00:05:10,769 --> 00:05:13,898
But you're not, uh,
identical, huh?
67
00:05:14,064 --> 00:05:15,361
( chuckles )
68
00:05:15,524 --> 00:05:17,697
Hey, look.
Write down my number.
69
00:05:17,859 --> 00:05:21,159
- 555-6321.
- Thanks.
70
00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:22,664
- Got it?
- Yeah, thanks.
71
00:05:22,823 --> 00:05:26,373
Wait a minute.
555's not a real number.
72
00:05:26,535 --> 00:05:28,537
They only use that
in the movies.
73
00:05:28,703 --> 00:05:31,172
No shit, honey.
What do you think this is, real life?
74
00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:32,583
( laughs )
75
00:05:33,875 --> 00:05:36,469
- Hey, it's Ford Fairlane.
- Easy money.
76
00:05:36,628 --> 00:05:39,006
Together:
Mr. Rock 'n' Roll Detective.
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00:05:39,172 --> 00:05:41,391
Guy couldn't find a handle
on a coffee cup.
78
00:05:41,550 --> 00:05:43,268
And what are your names,
Neil and Bob?
79
00:05:43,426 --> 00:05:44,848
Or is that, like,
what you do, huh?
80
00:05:45,011 --> 00:05:46,934
- Yeah.
- You guys drivin' tonight?
81
00:05:47,097 --> 00:05:48,098
- Together: Yeah.
- Yeah?
82
00:05:48,265 --> 00:05:50,233
Why don't you take Mulholland?
You'll love the curves.
83
00:05:50,392 --> 00:05:51,894
Now move.
84
00:05:52,060 --> 00:05:53,653
Ford:
Thank God for Don Cleveland.
85
00:05:53,812 --> 00:05:56,486
He was the best producer in the biz
and the only guy in the industry
86
00:05:56,648 --> 00:05:58,742
I could talk to
without vomiting Day-Glo.
87
00:05:58,900 --> 00:05:59,947
( sighs )
88
00:06:00,110 --> 00:06:03,330
I hate that Mr. Rock 'n' Roll Detective
bullshit, you know?
89
00:06:03,488 --> 00:06:05,582
I'm a professional crime-fighter.
90
00:06:05,740 --> 00:06:08,368
I work for a living,
you know that.
91
00:06:08,535 --> 00:06:09,912
Don:
What are you lookin' at?
92
00:06:10,078 --> 00:06:13,628
Some redhead's been bothering that
girl group, you know, the Pussycats.
93
00:06:13,790 --> 00:06:16,543
Been showin' up at their concerts,
saying he wants to rape and kill 'em.
94
00:06:16,710 --> 00:06:18,462
And not in that order.
95
00:06:18,628 --> 00:06:21,757
Hey, you're that guy.
The private eye.
96
00:06:21,923 --> 00:06:25,348
You're a poet
and didn't know it. Oh!
97
00:06:25,510 --> 00:06:27,604
So you heard
that Bobby Black OD'd,
98
00:06:27,762 --> 00:06:29,105
- right?
- Yeah. So?
99
00:06:29,264 --> 00:06:32,063
So, do you suspect
foul play and stuff?
100
00:06:32,225 --> 00:06:36,571
I'll let you know when somebody
pays me to give a shit and stuff.
101
00:06:36,730 --> 00:06:39,074
Well, my name is Melodi.
102
00:06:39,232 --> 00:06:41,735
As in "A Pretty girl is like a..."
103
00:06:41,902 --> 00:06:43,870
Here's my phone number.
104
00:06:44,029 --> 00:06:46,873
Whatever you're doing
tomorrow...
105
00:06:47,032 --> 00:06:49,706
mwah... cancel.
106
00:06:49,868 --> 00:06:51,085
'Kay?
107
00:06:54,998 --> 00:06:56,215
Don:
You got to shave
108
00:06:56,374 --> 00:06:58,342
before you leave the house
in a dress like that.
109
00:06:58,501 --> 00:07:01,550
And I don't mean your legs.
110
00:07:01,713 --> 00:07:03,556
( laughter )
111
00:07:05,717 --> 00:07:07,390
♪ Boy, whatcha gonna do? ♪
112
00:07:07,552 --> 00:07:10,601
Hey, hey, you better have that
Sambuca milk shake ready.
113
00:07:10,764 --> 00:07:13,438
Here comes
Mr. Rock 'n' Roll Detective.
114
00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:14,772
Hey, Ford.
115
00:07:14,935 --> 00:07:16,152
What's goin' on?
116
00:07:16,311 --> 00:07:17,904
Harry, shake me.
117
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Woman:
Yeah! Woo!
118
00:07:19,981 --> 00:07:21,608
I hope you like it, Ford.
119
00:07:25,195 --> 00:07:26,538
( slurps )
120
00:07:28,949 --> 00:07:31,702
Precocious.
"Combustionable."
121
00:07:31,868 --> 00:07:35,213
Harry, not thick enough.
122
00:07:35,372 --> 00:07:36,749
But you're gettin' better.
123
00:07:38,625 --> 00:07:39,922
So how's Mutt and Mutt, huh?
124
00:07:40,085 --> 00:07:41,758
Whoo! Whoo!
125
00:07:41,920 --> 00:07:44,264
- And who's your friend?
- Shh!
126
00:07:44,422 --> 00:07:47,016
I'm just some guy
named Sam, asswipe.
127
00:07:47,175 --> 00:07:50,429
Sam.
How cute.
128
00:07:50,595 --> 00:07:51,972
Reminds me of that story.
129
00:07:52,138 --> 00:07:53,139
"Green Eggs and Ham."
130
00:07:53,306 --> 00:07:54,603
"Will you eat them in a box?
131
00:07:54,766 --> 00:07:57,064
Will you eat them with a fox?"
132
00:07:57,227 --> 00:07:59,229
Know the Pussycats?
133
00:07:59,396 --> 00:08:01,239
Big Dr. Seuss fans.
134
00:08:01,398 --> 00:08:03,571
- ( laughs )
- Especially that lead singer.
135
00:08:03,733 --> 00:08:06,361
What's her name?
Uh, I'm drawin' a fuckin' blank.
136
00:08:06,528 --> 00:08:07,905
( stammering )
It's Josie.
137
00:08:12,951 --> 00:08:13,998
Boss.
138
00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:16,162
Wonder if this
could be our guy.
139
00:08:16,329 --> 00:08:18,673
Deceitful bitches.
140
00:08:19,958 --> 00:08:21,676
Last dance,
141
00:08:21,835 --> 00:08:25,806
Mr. Rock 'n' Roll Detective.
142
00:08:28,049 --> 00:08:32,099
You're 10 seconds away from the most
embarrassing moment of your life.
143
00:08:32,262 --> 00:08:34,515
( grunts )
144
00:08:34,681 --> 00:08:36,354
( yells )
145
00:08:36,516 --> 00:08:38,860
Somethin' from our wine list?
146
00:08:39,019 --> 00:08:40,692
( patrons gasping, screaming )
147
00:08:43,857 --> 00:08:46,827
Come on, Ford.
This shit's gettin' old, man.
148
00:08:48,903 --> 00:08:50,450
( glass breaking,
women screaming )
149
00:08:50,613 --> 00:08:52,286
Excuse me a moment.
150
00:09:01,082 --> 00:09:02,675
Ford:
So many assholes.
151
00:09:05,128 --> 00:09:07,426
So few bullets.
152
00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:13,725
( women gasping,
screaming )
153
00:09:27,525 --> 00:09:29,527
Clint Eastwood?
154
00:09:29,694 --> 00:09:32,413
I fucked him. Oh!
155
00:09:35,033 --> 00:09:37,035
( snoring )
156
00:09:37,202 --> 00:09:40,126
- ( music alarm sounding )
- ( gasps )
157
00:09:44,042 --> 00:09:45,385
Oh, man.
158
00:09:50,882 --> 00:09:51,929
Do my dishes!
159
00:09:52,092 --> 00:09:54,345
♪ Excuse me
while I kiss the sky ♪
160
00:09:57,889 --> 00:09:58,890
♪ Purple haze... ♪
161
00:09:59,057 --> 00:10:00,650
Ford: As if my alarm clock
wasn't enough,
162
00:10:00,809 --> 00:10:02,436
- it was time for my late afternoon...
- ( ringing )
163
00:10:02,602 --> 00:10:04,400
...wake-up call from Jazz.
164
00:10:04,562 --> 00:10:05,939
Jazz was my assistant...
165
00:10:06,106 --> 00:10:09,736
- ( music shuts off )
- Ugh! Thank God!
166
00:10:09,901 --> 00:10:11,153
- Oh, no!
- Hello?
167
00:10:11,319 --> 00:10:12,696
Jazz on phone: Ford, it's me.
Do you know what time it is?
168
00:10:12,862 --> 00:10:14,079
Jazz?
169
00:10:14,239 --> 00:10:15,707
Ford: ...and the only woman
I treat with sensitivity.
170
00:10:15,865 --> 00:10:16,957
Wonk, wonk, wonk.
171
00:10:17,117 --> 00:10:18,414
You sound like
Charlie Brown's friggin' teacher.
172
00:10:18,576 --> 00:10:19,953
Jazz: Why are you late?
Answer my question.
173
00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:21,667
Why am I late?
I was up all night
174
00:10:21,830 --> 00:10:24,253
eating Swedish meatballs.
Oh!
175
00:10:24,415 --> 00:10:26,543
I'm just kiddin'.
I was doin' my job.
176
00:10:26,709 --> 00:10:27,801
- All right?
- Jazz: That's a first.
177
00:10:27,961 --> 00:10:29,178
All right.
I'll be in later.
178
00:10:29,337 --> 00:10:31,305
- Jazz: Okay, but don't hang up on me,
because there's something...
179
00:10:31,464 --> 00:10:33,637
- Where's my shoes?
- Hey, girls,
180
00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:35,643
- what do you need over there?
- Come on.
181
00:10:35,802 --> 00:10:38,146
Ford, we just needed
to be held!
182
00:10:38,304 --> 00:10:40,773
You got the bonus plan.
183
00:10:40,932 --> 00:10:42,900
( music resumes )
184
00:10:44,227 --> 00:10:46,650
♪ No ♪
185
00:10:46,813 --> 00:10:48,531
♪ Help me ♪
186
00:10:48,690 --> 00:10:51,113
♪ Oh, yeah... ♪
187
00:10:51,276 --> 00:10:53,654
Hey! Wait!
Please stop!
188
00:10:53,820 --> 00:10:55,322
I'm coming!
189
00:10:57,615 --> 00:10:58,958
( snaps fingers )
190
00:10:59,117 --> 00:11:00,619
Ow!
191
00:11:00,785 --> 00:11:02,662
- What's goin' on, kid?
- Hey, Fairlane.
192
00:11:02,829 --> 00:11:05,332
You gonna find out who killed
the lead singer of the Black Plague?
193
00:11:05,498 --> 00:11:07,375
( remote beeps )
194
00:11:07,542 --> 00:11:09,169
Tell me, Dr. Watson...
195
00:11:09,335 --> 00:11:11,804
- ( whirring )
- ...what makes you so sure
196
00:11:11,963 --> 00:11:14,637
he's just not another
piece-of-shit overdose?
197
00:11:14,799 --> 00:11:17,222
- Gut feeling.
- Gut feeling, huh?
198
00:11:26,644 --> 00:11:27,736
( clicks )
199
00:11:27,896 --> 00:11:29,068
See those chicks?
200
00:11:29,230 --> 00:11:31,278
Girl Scouts.
Took two boxes.
201
00:11:32,650 --> 00:11:34,698
Hey, get that
outta your mouth.
202
00:11:34,861 --> 00:11:36,659
Don't you know
those things are killers?
203
00:11:36,821 --> 00:11:39,700
Don't you go to school
or listen to Smokey the Bear
204
00:11:39,866 --> 00:11:41,709
and all that kinda shit, huh?
205
00:11:41,868 --> 00:11:44,621
- ( remote beeps )
- ( Sam gasping )
206
00:11:44,787 --> 00:11:47,165
( Sam panting )
207
00:11:47,332 --> 00:11:49,710
You sick son of a bitch!
208
00:11:51,461 --> 00:11:54,260
Have a Twinkie,
snapper-head.
209
00:11:56,716 --> 00:11:59,390
Sam:
I can't breathe in here, Fairlane!
210
00:11:59,552 --> 00:12:02,396
Hey, Fairlane. When are you gonna start
lettin' me work with you?
211
00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:03,727
Why are you always
fuckin' with me?
212
00:12:03,890 --> 00:12:05,312
Excuse me!
213
00:12:05,475 --> 00:12:08,069
You say the f-word again,
I'll bang you right the fuck out.
214
00:12:08,228 --> 00:12:11,152
Do you understand me?
Now get the fuck outta here.
215
00:12:11,314 --> 00:12:12,861
- Sam: Fairlane?
- ( Sam pounding on trunk )
216
00:12:13,024 --> 00:12:15,868
I've got something
serious to discuss.
217
00:12:16,027 --> 00:12:19,281
Yeah, what is it?
Premature ejaculation? Oh!
218
00:12:19,447 --> 00:12:21,700
You know, Ford,
219
00:12:21,866 --> 00:12:24,790
sometimes you can be a real dick.
220
00:12:24,953 --> 00:12:27,456
"Dick." "Fuck."
What kinda kid are you?
221
00:12:29,582 --> 00:12:31,209
( tires squealing )
222
00:12:31,376 --> 00:12:33,549
Sam:
Fairlane!
223
00:12:40,093 --> 00:12:42,721
Ford: My office was at the
Cross Roads Of The World.
224
00:12:42,887 --> 00:12:46,357
The rent was high,
but it was worth it for those chicks.
225
00:12:46,516 --> 00:12:49,816
Those big, fat chicks.
226
00:12:49,978 --> 00:12:52,276
♪ The say "Ole Tone,
you know I love your stuff. ♪
227
00:12:52,438 --> 00:12:55,692
♪ But no matter what,
niggas can't get enough." ♪
228
00:12:59,529 --> 00:13:01,782
- Hey, my man, Slam.
- Yo, yo.
229
00:13:01,948 --> 00:13:04,246
What's happenin'?
Cool, cool.
230
00:13:04,409 --> 00:13:06,503
Why don't you guys take it
across the street to 7-Eleven?
231
00:13:06,661 --> 00:13:08,663
I'm poppin'
a fuckin' brain vessel.
232
00:13:08,830 --> 00:13:11,128
Well, well, if your
Big Gulp head producer clients
233
00:13:11,291 --> 00:13:12,964
would dare
to show a little brilliance,
234
00:13:13,126 --> 00:13:15,470
they would sign my ass up
on that Minie Ball tour
235
00:13:15,628 --> 00:13:17,130
and I'd be touring
all around the world
236
00:13:17,297 --> 00:13:19,470
and 1990 will be
a most glorious year.
237
00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:20,975
You know what I'm sayin'?
238
00:13:21,134 --> 00:13:22,807
Hey, look.
I'm only bullshittin'.
239
00:13:22,969 --> 00:13:25,848
You know I dig the new stuff.
It's fuckin' phenomenal.
240
00:13:26,014 --> 00:13:28,142
( laughing )
241
00:13:29,851 --> 00:13:30,977
( coughs )
242
00:13:31,144 --> 00:13:32,942
You know, some people
are claustrophobic, Fairlane.
243
00:13:33,104 --> 00:13:34,481
I'm allergic, too, you know.
244
00:13:34,647 --> 00:13:36,820
So don't make it out like
I'm some kind of weirdo.
245
00:13:36,983 --> 00:13:38,906
Besides, you can't prove shit.
246
00:13:39,068 --> 00:13:40,160
Shut up, huh?
247
00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:41,492
Good morning.
248
00:13:41,654 --> 00:13:44,282
She says,
as the clock struck 5:00.
249
00:13:44,449 --> 00:13:46,827
Josie was hungry,
so I sent the Pussycats down for food.
250
00:13:46,993 --> 00:13:48,586
You know,
they've been waiting muy long.
251
00:13:48,745 --> 00:13:50,668
They're only a
double platinum band, Ford.
252
00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:52,628
They haven't got anything
better to do, right?
253
00:13:52,790 --> 00:13:55,839
All right.
Silence, Jazz, our tip paid off.
254
00:13:56,002 --> 00:13:59,973
It's Sam the Sleazebag.
Sam the Sleazebag, Jazz.
255
00:14:00,131 --> 00:14:02,975
- My assistant.
- Hey, Ford. A little late, huh?
256
00:14:03,134 --> 00:14:05,353
( gasping )
257
00:14:09,474 --> 00:14:11,977
I love you all.
258
00:14:12,143 --> 00:14:13,486
That's him.
259
00:14:13,644 --> 00:14:16,318
That's the bastard who flashed us
at the Amphitheatre.
260
00:14:16,481 --> 00:14:19,485
You bitches have no proof.
261
00:14:19,650 --> 00:14:20,742
- ( grunts )
- Get out!
262
00:14:20,902 --> 00:14:22,825
I think I could identify it.
263
00:14:22,987 --> 00:14:25,081
It looked like a dick,
only smaller.
264
00:14:25,239 --> 00:14:27,662
- ( laughing )
- All right, Sam.
265
00:14:27,825 --> 00:14:29,418
We're gonna let you go, okay?
266
00:14:29,577 --> 00:14:32,626
- We just gotta keep the evidence.
- All: What?
267
00:14:32,789 --> 00:14:35,042
( bell tolling )
268
00:14:35,208 --> 00:14:37,836
( distant rap music playing )
269
00:14:38,002 --> 00:14:40,050
Now, you pay.
270
00:14:40,213 --> 00:14:41,590
It's called "citizen's castration."
271
00:14:41,756 --> 00:14:42,882
- ( scissors snip )
- All: Oh!
272
00:14:43,049 --> 00:14:45,768
Next time it'll be for real.
273
00:14:45,927 --> 00:14:48,305
Ah!
274
00:14:48,471 --> 00:14:49,723
( crash )
275
00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:52,813
You stupid
Sal's-Pizza-garlic-breath-smellin'
276
00:14:52,975 --> 00:14:54,101
motherfucker.
277
00:14:54,268 --> 00:14:57,613
Today is the last day
of the rest of your life.
278
00:14:57,772 --> 00:15:00,366
( screaming )
279
00:15:00,525 --> 00:15:04,371
Take this, Ford, as payment
for a job well done.
280
00:15:04,529 --> 00:15:05,621
It's solid gold.
281
00:15:05,780 --> 00:15:08,078
And it'll make sure you're not late
for your other clients.
282
00:15:08,241 --> 00:15:09,493
No, money's fine, really.
283
00:15:09,659 --> 00:15:12,879
- Bye, Ford.
- You're our hero.
284
00:15:13,037 --> 00:15:14,254
( laughing )
285
00:15:14,414 --> 00:15:16,212
"Bye, Ford."
286
00:15:19,127 --> 00:15:21,721
Let me cheer you up, Ford.
287
00:15:21,879 --> 00:15:24,553
I've got the INXS payment.
288
00:15:24,715 --> 00:15:27,264
Oops. There you go.
G'day.
289
00:15:27,427 --> 00:15:29,100
They say it's worth three grand.
290
00:15:29,262 --> 00:15:30,605
( koala muttering )
291
00:15:30,763 --> 00:15:33,562
Fuckin' Australians.
I hate that country.
292
00:15:33,724 --> 00:15:35,476
You know, that continent,
whatever the hell it is.
293
00:15:35,643 --> 00:15:38,021
- Don't we do nuclear testing there?
- ( koala muttering )
294
00:15:38,187 --> 00:15:40,440
What is that?
Some kind of giant mouse?
295
00:15:40,606 --> 00:15:42,483
Down. Down and eat.
Good.
296
00:15:42,650 --> 00:15:44,493
Milli Vanilli paid us off
297
00:15:44,652 --> 00:15:48,407
in bicycle shorts
and hair extensions.
298
00:15:48,573 --> 00:15:50,246
Very scary.
299
00:15:50,408 --> 00:15:53,082
( cranks )
Rock stars.
300
00:15:53,244 --> 00:15:54,791
I'm goin' outta my mind
dealin' with rock stars.
301
00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:57,457
I-I don't make money,
I make gifts!
302
00:15:57,623 --> 00:16:01,218
I mean, how am I supposed to pay taxes
with bathtub compact disc players
303
00:16:01,377 --> 00:16:03,425
and autographed drumsticks,
you know what I'm sayin'?
304
00:16:03,588 --> 00:16:06,762
I need cash, moola, wampum.
Dead presidents.
305
00:16:06,924 --> 00:16:09,768
Michael Jackson, Gerald Ford.
306
00:16:09,927 --> 00:16:11,645
You know, I think it's all
coming together for me now.
307
00:16:11,804 --> 00:16:13,522
- You need money.
- Come on, Jazz.
308
00:16:13,681 --> 00:16:15,524
I got my balls in a bunch.
309
00:16:15,683 --> 00:16:18,482
Your karate class costs money.
Cavities cost money.
310
00:16:18,644 --> 00:16:20,942
"Propaphylactics" cost money.
311
00:16:21,105 --> 00:16:22,197
You know what I'm gonna do?
312
00:16:22,356 --> 00:16:23,903
I'm gonna take
that damn food processor
313
00:16:24,066 --> 00:16:26,819
that Neil Diamond gave me,
I'm gonna make koala burgers, right...
314
00:16:26,986 --> 00:16:28,988
- ( koala muttering )
- ...with koala chips and koala dip.
315
00:16:29,155 --> 00:16:31,499
- That's what I think.
- You're breakin' my heart, Ford.
316
00:16:31,657 --> 00:16:32,704
( cranks )
317
00:16:32,867 --> 00:16:35,837
Look. I think
that we've got a case
318
00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:39,670
if we can make it through
this cavalcade of bimbos.
319
00:16:39,832 --> 00:16:43,132
Bimbo: Hi, Ford.
It's Monica.
320
00:16:43,294 --> 00:16:45,672
Remember me?
I'm walking again.
321
00:16:45,838 --> 00:16:47,431
- Call me.
- ( click )
322
00:16:47,590 --> 00:16:48,842
That's bimbo number one.
323
00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:51,056
Hey, cut the play-by-play,
all right?
324
00:16:51,219 --> 00:16:55,315
Man: Hi, is this Chevy Nova?
Is this the car I wanna speak to?
325
00:16:55,473 --> 00:17:00,070
Johnny Crunch here, KDRT.
You know, K-DIRT, you schmuck?
326
00:17:00,228 --> 00:17:03,232
You know, I'm the guy
who had sex with your prom date
327
00:17:03,397 --> 00:17:05,445
the very night before the prom.
328
00:17:05,608 --> 00:17:08,782
And then I became
the hottest deejay in the West.
329
00:17:08,945 --> 00:17:10,788
Well, I got a case for you.
330
00:17:10,947 --> 00:17:12,699
Now, I don't want you
to come here and say,
331
00:17:12,865 --> 00:17:15,243
"Well, what is it,
a leather case or a vinyl case?"
332
00:17:15,409 --> 00:17:17,127
No. It's a case to solve.
333
00:17:17,286 --> 00:17:19,664
Come down to the station,
uh, about 6:00.
334
00:17:19,830 --> 00:17:21,047
Make it 6:00.
335
00:17:21,207 --> 00:17:23,881
Johnny Teitelbaum,
calling himself Johnny Crunch.
336
00:17:24,043 --> 00:17:25,841
Knock me out, huh?
337
00:17:26,003 --> 00:17:28,256
You know,
we grew up together in Brooklyn.
338
00:17:28,422 --> 00:17:30,971
We came out here
to become rock stars.
339
00:17:31,133 --> 00:17:33,556
He's lying about
the prom date thing, of course.
340
00:17:33,719 --> 00:17:35,221
I hope he is.
I took his sister.
341
00:17:36,889 --> 00:17:40,234
So you're friends with the most
obnoxious asshole on the airwaves?
342
00:17:40,393 --> 00:17:43,192
The king of the shock jocks?
343
00:17:43,354 --> 00:17:45,527
- I'm shocked.
- Yeah, don't worry about it.
344
00:17:45,690 --> 00:17:48,569
He wants to see me at 6:00.
What time is it?
345
00:17:48,734 --> 00:17:50,953
Take this.
I think you might need it.
346
00:17:51,112 --> 00:17:52,455
( telephone ringing )
347
00:17:52,613 --> 00:17:55,366
- Hit pay dirt with K-DIRT.
- ( feedback )
348
00:17:55,533 --> 00:17:57,456
- ( beeping )
- That's for me.
349
00:17:57,618 --> 00:17:59,962
Radio contests?
Really, Ford.
350
00:18:00,121 --> 00:18:01,998
How tacky.
351
00:18:02,164 --> 00:18:03,791
So, what are you gonna do
about this watch?
352
00:18:03,958 --> 00:18:06,336
Keep it.
It's your paycheck this month.
353
00:18:06,502 --> 00:18:08,800
That's nice.
What about last month?
354
00:18:08,963 --> 00:18:12,388
Come here.
Come here.
355
00:18:12,550 --> 00:18:13,642
Come here.
I wanna tell you somethin'.
356
00:18:13,801 --> 00:18:15,895
- What?
- Come here.
357
00:18:18,556 --> 00:18:19,773
Huh?
358
00:18:19,932 --> 00:18:22,060
( laughs )
Huh?
359
00:18:22,226 --> 00:18:23,899
Unbelievable.
360
00:18:28,566 --> 00:18:30,239
Ford: When Johnny and I
broke up our band,
361
00:18:30,401 --> 00:18:31,948
we drifted apart.
362
00:18:32,111 --> 00:18:33,909
He started hangin' out
with all those
363
00:18:34,071 --> 00:18:35,243
rock star hair-head types.
364
00:18:35,406 --> 00:18:37,534
You know what I'm sayin',
like that late Bobby Black?
365
00:18:37,700 --> 00:18:39,202
And when they needed money
to get high,
366
00:18:39,368 --> 00:18:41,837
they would do those
Rock Against Drug commercials.
367
00:18:41,996 --> 00:18:43,122
You see what I'm sayin' to you?
368
00:18:43,289 --> 00:18:44,962
That's what I'm sayin'.
What am I sayin'?
369
00:18:45,124 --> 00:18:46,501
I don't know.
370
00:18:48,294 --> 00:18:49,921
Hey, Pixie.
371
00:18:50,087 --> 00:18:51,213
I'm here to see Johnny Crunch.
372
00:18:51,380 --> 00:18:53,883
Lucky you.
Arnie.
373
00:18:55,718 --> 00:18:57,015
( grunting )
374
00:18:57,178 --> 00:19:00,728
Mr. Crunch has a lot of fans
who hate his guts.
375
00:19:03,934 --> 00:19:05,902
Oh, Arnie.
Sometimes when we touch,
376
00:19:06,062 --> 00:19:08,190
- the honesty's too much!
- ( grunts )
377
00:19:10,149 --> 00:19:11,196
Sorry.
378
00:19:11,359 --> 00:19:13,327
Okay, it's Johnny Crunch here.
379
00:19:13,486 --> 00:19:16,786
And as always, if we call you
and you answer the phone by saying,
380
00:19:16,947 --> 00:19:20,542
"Hit pay dirt with K-DIRT,"
you could win a cool million.
381
00:19:20,701 --> 00:19:23,750
At K-DIRT, we play the kinda music
that your mother hates.
382
00:19:23,913 --> 00:19:27,133
And I know that because right now,
she's naked under the desk
383
00:19:27,291 --> 00:19:29,259
- swallowing my microphone.
- ( record needle scratches )
384
00:19:29,418 --> 00:19:32,797
She likes that.
Oops. I broke it accidentally.
385
00:19:32,963 --> 00:19:35,136
But, seriously,
I make jokes about your mothers,
386
00:19:35,299 --> 00:19:37,222
but I know that they're just
pathetic sluts
387
00:19:37,385 --> 00:19:40,810
who have no lives
and have sex with midgets.
388
00:19:40,971 --> 00:19:43,690
( music playing )
389
00:19:45,851 --> 00:19:47,524
Johnny Teitelbaum.
390
00:19:48,854 --> 00:19:51,198
Gettin' paid to be the asshole
you always were, huh?
391
00:19:51,357 --> 00:19:54,031
Suzuki Samurai.
392
00:19:54,193 --> 00:19:57,242
You Bensonhurst
piece of shit.
393
00:19:57,405 --> 00:19:59,783
Here we are
still in Los Angeles,
394
00:19:59,949 --> 00:20:01,576
two rock 'n' roll dicks.
395
00:20:01,742 --> 00:20:05,087
Only you're the detective
and I'm just a regular dick.
396
00:20:05,246 --> 00:20:08,750
It was nice hearin' from you
after you hit it big, you rat bastard.
397
00:20:08,916 --> 00:20:10,463
I guess your arms
were amputated
398
00:20:10,626 --> 00:20:13,049
and you couldn't
pick up a phone.
399
00:20:13,212 --> 00:20:14,338
But this is not a social call.
400
00:20:14,505 --> 00:20:16,724
Here, take a look at that.
401
00:20:19,677 --> 00:20:21,805
Yeah. Real nice.
So?
402
00:20:21,971 --> 00:20:23,644
She's my daughter.
403
00:20:25,599 --> 00:20:30,400
She... she calls herself
Zuzu Petals.
404
00:20:30,563 --> 00:20:31,906
It's the sickest thing.
405
00:20:32,064 --> 00:20:34,408
You see, years ago,
I was in Jersey.
406
00:20:34,567 --> 00:20:37,821
I meet this girl.
She's a total pig, but I fucked her.
407
00:20:37,987 --> 00:20:40,160
Yeah, I heard
you started dating.
408
00:20:41,574 --> 00:20:43,997
Well, she gets pregnant,
she has the kid,
409
00:20:44,160 --> 00:20:46,583
the kid grows up,
moves out here.
410
00:20:46,746 --> 00:20:48,043
And, you know, typical story.
411
00:20:48,205 --> 00:20:51,300
She's screwing
with all the rock stars, takin' drugs.
412
00:20:51,459 --> 00:20:55,430
And, uh, I lost track of her.
Now I want her back.
413
00:20:55,588 --> 00:20:59,559
'Cause she's my daughter,
my pride and joy.
414
00:20:59,717 --> 00:21:03,472
I don't take cases with foundations
in bullshit, Johnny.
415
00:21:03,637 --> 00:21:06,766
- They're hard to walk around in.
- Okay, you found me out.
416
00:21:06,932 --> 00:21:10,277
- Level with me, Johnny.
- All right. She's my sister.
417
00:21:10,436 --> 00:21:12,905
She's my daughter.
She's my sister and my daughter.
418
00:21:13,063 --> 00:21:15,441
Look at the picture
and find her
419
00:21:15,608 --> 00:21:17,201
and bring her back to me.
420
00:21:17,359 --> 00:21:20,659
I've been told that it might be hard
to pay your rent
421
00:21:20,821 --> 00:21:23,449
with gold records
and koala bears.
422
00:21:23,616 --> 00:21:25,243
Okay?
423
00:21:25,409 --> 00:21:28,413
Maybe this'll make it
a little more attractive to you.
424
00:21:29,789 --> 00:21:31,416
$4,000.
425
00:21:37,630 --> 00:21:39,598
Zuzu Petals, huh?
426
00:21:39,757 --> 00:21:41,680
Zuzu Petals.
427
00:21:41,842 --> 00:21:43,310
So, I hope you...
428
00:21:43,469 --> 00:21:47,224
Nah, I know you're gonna find her
'cause you're the best.
429
00:21:47,389 --> 00:21:50,484
Guys like you,
you do grow on trees.
430
00:21:51,977 --> 00:21:53,479
You're okay, Johnny.
431
00:21:53,646 --> 00:21:55,819
Here's to you.
432
00:21:55,981 --> 00:21:58,530
Together:
Suckin' my dick!
433
00:21:58,692 --> 00:22:00,990
( laughing )
434
00:22:02,196 --> 00:22:04,119
Now, let me get outta here.
435
00:22:08,702 --> 00:22:12,502
No dessert until
after you finish your dinner.
436
00:22:13,916 --> 00:22:15,168
Money, money, money,
money, money, money...
437
00:22:15,334 --> 00:22:16,961
( gibbering )
438
00:22:18,546 --> 00:22:22,676
How hard could it be to nail down
one teenage blonde groupie in LA?
439
00:22:24,844 --> 00:22:27,518
Johnny on radio: If there's
any teenage virgins in the audience,
440
00:22:27,680 --> 00:22:30,854
show up with a jar
of petroleum jelly right now
441
00:22:31,016 --> 00:22:33,018
and ask to speak
to Johnny Crunch.
442
00:22:33,185 --> 00:22:35,608
I never even liked the bastard.
443
00:22:37,147 --> 00:22:40,902
2,000 private investigators
in Los Angeles.
444
00:22:41,068 --> 00:22:43,537
So why did I pick
the music industry?
445
00:22:43,696 --> 00:22:44,948
Well...
446
00:22:45,114 --> 00:22:48,994
it made sense to specialize.
447
00:22:49,159 --> 00:22:52,254
I could've been anything.
I could've been a fisherman.
448
00:22:52,413 --> 00:22:55,383
Fishermen,
they get up in the morning.
449
00:22:55,541 --> 00:22:57,760
They fish.
They sell fish.
450
00:22:57,918 --> 00:22:59,135
They smell fish.
451
00:22:59,295 --> 00:23:02,014
Reminds me of this girl
I used to go with, Yvonne.
452
00:23:03,382 --> 00:23:04,554
She smelled like fish.
453
00:23:04,717 --> 00:23:05,718
- ( gunshot on radio )
- Johnny on radio: Oh, my God!
454
00:23:05,885 --> 00:23:07,182
Someone shot my engineer.
455
00:23:07,344 --> 00:23:08,891
Hey! Hey!
456
00:23:09,054 --> 00:23:11,182
Let... let go of the mike!
What are you do...
457
00:23:11,348 --> 00:23:13,942
Hey! Someone call the cops!
458
00:23:14,101 --> 00:23:15,569
- Help me!
- ( tires squealing )
459
00:23:15,728 --> 00:23:18,356
What are you... let go of me!
Let me go!
460
00:23:18,522 --> 00:23:19,990
( tires squealing )
461
00:23:20,149 --> 00:23:23,244
- ( indistinct yelling on radio )
- ( horns honking )
462
00:23:23,402 --> 00:23:24,449
Johnny on radio:
Let me go!
463
00:23:24,612 --> 00:23:27,081
Ah, these LA drivers, man.
464
00:23:27,239 --> 00:23:28,866
How'd they get their license?
465
00:23:29,033 --> 00:23:31,707
- Johnny on radio: Help!
- ( tires squealing )
466
00:23:33,078 --> 00:23:35,331
- ( horn honks )
- ( tires squealing )
467
00:23:35,497 --> 00:23:37,090
( tires screeching )
468
00:23:37,249 --> 00:23:38,876
Johnny on radio:
I'm being electrocuted!
469
00:23:39,043 --> 00:23:41,512
- ( electrical surging )
- I'm being... help me!
470
00:23:41,670 --> 00:23:43,923
It hurts!
Ah, it hurts!
471
00:23:44,089 --> 00:23:45,762
Call the cops.
Johnny's being electrocuted!
472
00:23:45,925 --> 00:23:48,303
Pixie: Oh, please.
He's just doing one of his stupid jokes.
473
00:23:48,469 --> 00:23:50,597
Oh, fuckin' shit, my Christ!
474
00:23:50,763 --> 00:23:54,688
Hey! He can't say, "Oh, fuckin' shit,
my Christ" over the air.
475
00:23:54,850 --> 00:23:56,602
Hey, Arnie.
Your fly.
476
00:23:57,853 --> 00:23:59,275
Johnny: Those are hot!
They're hot!
477
00:23:59,438 --> 00:24:01,941
Please! Please!
I'm being electrocuted!
478
00:24:02,107 --> 00:24:04,075
No! No! Ah!
479
00:24:04,234 --> 00:24:05,986
( yelling )
480
00:24:08,906 --> 00:24:10,078
Johnny!
481
00:24:13,786 --> 00:24:15,459
Officer: Let's get
another angle on this one.
482
00:24:15,621 --> 00:24:17,168
( police radio chatter )
483
00:24:19,208 --> 00:24:21,461
Ford: It was dead air
for the deejay.
484
00:24:21,627 --> 00:24:22,879
( camera clicking )
485
00:24:24,964 --> 00:24:26,637
Friend of yours?
486
00:24:26,799 --> 00:24:27,971
Yeah.
487
00:24:28,133 --> 00:24:29,555
And my client.
488
00:24:37,226 --> 00:24:38,978
I could cry.
489
00:24:39,144 --> 00:24:41,988
It's all right to cry, Ford.
Crying's good.
490
00:24:44,650 --> 00:24:46,118
Ah, shit.
491
00:24:51,824 --> 00:24:55,499
How'd Mr. Rock 'n' Roll Detective
boogie his way in here?
492
00:24:55,661 --> 00:24:57,004
Anybody?
493
00:24:57,162 --> 00:25:00,507
Ah, he discovered the bodies, sir.
Lieutenant Amos, sir.
494
00:25:00,666 --> 00:25:03,169
Oh, Fairlane, please confess.
495
00:25:03,335 --> 00:25:05,679
I'll do the execution myself.
496
00:25:05,838 --> 00:25:09,138
Nice tie, Lieutenant "Anus," sir.
497
00:25:09,299 --> 00:25:11,347
Are you calling me
an asshole, asshole?
498
00:25:11,510 --> 00:25:14,059
I'm callin' you an anus, Anus.
But if you prefer...
499
00:25:15,431 --> 00:25:18,810
You think you're so hot
'cause you get in all the clubs, huh?
500
00:25:18,976 --> 00:25:21,195
Just because you have sex
with great-lookin' women?
501
00:25:21,353 --> 00:25:22,855
You think you're so hot
just 'cause you broke
502
00:25:23,022 --> 00:25:25,024
the Ensenada tape piracy ring?
503
00:25:25,190 --> 00:25:27,033
You gotta admit
those are all pretty good reasons.
504
00:25:27,192 --> 00:25:29,536
Get the fuck outta here,
jerk-off.
505
00:25:29,695 --> 00:25:31,368
Jerk-off?
506
00:25:31,530 --> 00:25:34,124
You're a jerk-off.
That's what I think of you.
507
00:25:34,283 --> 00:25:37,412
No, that's what I call you
because you are a jerk-off.
508
00:25:39,371 --> 00:25:40,543
Jerk-off.
509
00:25:40,706 --> 00:25:42,834
Get the fuck outta here.
510
00:25:43,000 --> 00:25:44,968
Ford:
I did every shit job in the biz
511
00:25:45,127 --> 00:25:46,800
before I became a superhero.
512
00:25:46,962 --> 00:25:48,714
Roadie, publicist,
513
00:25:48,881 --> 00:25:52,055
Jimmy Osmond's bodyguard
and personal secretary.
514
00:25:52,217 --> 00:25:54,060
Hey, I may bitch about my job,
515
00:25:54,219 --> 00:25:56,347
but a great clue
can really take a nothing day
516
00:25:56,513 --> 00:25:57,981
and make it seem worthwhile.
517
00:25:58,140 --> 00:26:00,563
"Art Mooney."
518
00:26:00,726 --> 00:26:03,570
This case is getting closed!
519
00:26:05,272 --> 00:26:06,990
Amos:
Ford.
520
00:26:07,149 --> 00:26:09,151
What are you runnin' from?
521
00:26:13,072 --> 00:26:15,416
You told me
to get the fuck outta here.
522
00:26:15,574 --> 00:26:18,248
Oh, if you're
hiding something, oh, oh,
523
00:26:18,410 --> 00:26:20,003
I'll have so much fun.
524
00:26:20,162 --> 00:26:21,960
Anus, what's the bug
up your ass, huh?
525
00:26:22,122 --> 00:26:23,214
Why do you hate me so much?
526
00:26:23,373 --> 00:26:25,341
Why do I hate you?
I'll give you a fuckin' hint.
527
00:26:25,501 --> 00:26:28,095
Two words.
Disco Express.
528
00:26:28,253 --> 00:26:30,096
Disco Express?
( scoffs )
529
00:26:30,255 --> 00:26:31,757
Are you dealin' in beads or what?
530
00:26:31,924 --> 00:26:35,224
I mean, that group blew dog,
you know what I'm sayin'?
531
00:26:35,385 --> 00:26:38,264
Hey, Anus.
They had that, uh, that...
532
00:26:38,430 --> 00:26:41,855
that single, that real shitty single
they wanted me to push
533
00:26:42,017 --> 00:26:44,395
- during my publicist days.
- "Booty Time."
534
00:26:44,561 --> 00:26:46,188
Yeah, "Booty Time"
with that lead singer,
535
00:26:46,355 --> 00:26:49,780
the, uh, white Van McCoy look-alike
with the six-inch platform shoes.
536
00:26:49,942 --> 00:26:52,036
You know, the... you know,
he looked like, uh...
537
00:26:52,194 --> 00:26:54,117
- Like me.
- Yeah.
538
00:26:54,279 --> 00:26:56,748
I was gonna say
it looked like shit, but...
539
00:26:56,907 --> 00:26:58,079
it looked like you.
540
00:26:58,242 --> 00:26:59,494
( disco music playing )
541
00:26:59,660 --> 00:27:01,458
♪ Booty time, booty time ♪
542
00:27:01,620 --> 00:27:02,792
♪ Across the USA ♪
543
00:27:02,955 --> 00:27:05,128
♪ Booty time, booty time ♪
544
00:27:05,290 --> 00:27:06,883
♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪
545
00:27:07,042 --> 00:27:08,965
♪ Booty time, booty time ♪
546
00:27:09,128 --> 00:27:10,471
♪ Across the USA ♪
547
00:27:10,629 --> 00:27:12,381
♪ It's booty time, booty time ♪
548
00:27:12,548 --> 00:27:15,472
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah. ♪
549
00:27:15,634 --> 00:27:16,886
Unbelievable.
550
00:27:17,052 --> 00:27:19,771
I didn't think anything could
cheer me up tonight, Lieutenant,
551
00:27:19,930 --> 00:27:21,728
but that brilliant performance...
552
00:27:21,890 --> 00:27:23,016
( laughs )
553
00:27:23,183 --> 00:27:24,810
Jerk-off.
554
00:27:24,977 --> 00:27:27,446
"Booty time."
Boot my balls.
555
00:27:42,953 --> 00:27:45,832
Ford: I can't believe
he won't be alive to piss me off.
556
00:27:51,170 --> 00:27:52,467
( sighs )
557
00:27:54,381 --> 00:27:56,224
Here's to you, Johnny.
558
00:28:19,239 --> 00:28:20,286
Ouch.
559
00:28:20,449 --> 00:28:22,702
Hey, you.
Get off my cloud.
560
00:28:22,868 --> 00:28:24,165
Really.
561
00:28:26,038 --> 00:28:28,882
I'm hangin' out
with my best friend.
562
00:28:29,041 --> 00:28:31,885
1962 Fender Stratocaster.
563
00:28:32,044 --> 00:28:34,388
Original pickups, maple neck,
564
00:28:34,546 --> 00:28:38,221
strung upside down for
a left-handed motherfuckin' genius.
565
00:28:38,383 --> 00:28:40,260
- Jimi Hendrix.
- Who cares, man?
566
00:28:40,427 --> 00:28:41,474
I got a case.
567
00:28:41,637 --> 00:28:43,890
Yeah, what?
A 12-pack?
568
00:28:44,056 --> 00:28:46,058
This ain't no social call, man.
569
00:28:46,225 --> 00:28:48,478
A hundred bucks
to find my dad.
570
00:28:48,644 --> 00:28:52,740
What? What, did he just say
what I think he said?
571
00:28:52,898 --> 00:28:54,241
Man, don't worry.
I got a clue.
572
00:28:54,399 --> 00:28:55,901
See this ring on my finger?
573
00:28:56,068 --> 00:28:57,786
Well, before my old lady
ran off to Baja,
574
00:28:57,945 --> 00:29:00,243
she told me that my dad
had this exact same ring.
575
00:29:00,405 --> 00:29:03,079
- Man's voice: Yabba-dabba doo!
- Holy Colonel Mustard.
576
00:29:03,242 --> 00:29:05,836
Jeepers, you didn't mention
the big clue.
577
00:29:05,994 --> 00:29:08,167
Come on.
I can't take your money.
578
00:29:08,330 --> 00:29:11,083
You need it.
579
00:29:11,250 --> 00:29:13,594
I don't need it that bad.
580
00:29:13,752 --> 00:29:15,504
( knocking on door )
581
00:29:20,175 --> 00:29:22,052
I can't believe I took the money.
582
00:29:31,687 --> 00:29:32,859
Ford Fairlane?
583
00:29:33,021 --> 00:29:34,273
Yeah.
584
00:29:35,691 --> 00:29:37,409
I'm Colleen Sutton.
585
00:29:37,567 --> 00:29:39,695
I need your help.
586
00:29:39,861 --> 00:29:41,613
I have a problem
587
00:29:41,780 --> 00:29:44,124
and it pertains
to the music industry.
588
00:29:44,283 --> 00:29:46,706
What is it they call you?
589
00:29:46,868 --> 00:29:48,916
Mr. Rock 'n' Roll Detective?
590
00:29:49,079 --> 00:29:50,456
Please, save it.
591
00:29:50,622 --> 00:29:51,965
It's too early.
592
00:29:55,544 --> 00:29:58,923
You just, uh,
make yourself comfortable.
593
00:29:59,089 --> 00:30:01,091
- Some juice?
- Please.
594
00:30:09,391 --> 00:30:11,314
Sorry about the glass,
595
00:30:11,476 --> 00:30:14,229
the house, and my breath.
596
00:30:14,396 --> 00:30:16,398
Mr. Fairlane, I'm very rich.
597
00:30:16,565 --> 00:30:18,112
The kind of rich
that warps minds.
598
00:30:18,275 --> 00:30:19,743
Nothing offends me.
599
00:30:19,901 --> 00:30:21,574
When I was 11,
I walked in on my father
600
00:30:21,737 --> 00:30:24,490
and the Shetland pony he gave me
for my 10th birthday.
601
00:30:26,742 --> 00:30:29,336
- Does that excite you?
- I don't know. I never met your father.
602
00:30:29,494 --> 00:30:30,620
( laughs )
603
00:30:34,416 --> 00:30:36,919
Oh, that.
Don't take it personal.
604
00:30:37,085 --> 00:30:39,429
He normally gets up
a half hour before I do.
605
00:30:39,588 --> 00:30:41,682
You know what I'm sayin'?
Come on, down, boy.
606
00:30:41,840 --> 00:30:43,433
Down, Stanley.
607
00:30:43,592 --> 00:30:45,435
Roseanne Barr naked.
608
00:30:45,594 --> 00:30:47,596
- Gone.
- ( purring )
609
00:30:51,266 --> 00:30:53,439
- Stanley?
- Yeah. Stanley.
610
00:30:53,602 --> 00:30:56,276
You know.
Like the power drill?
611
00:30:57,773 --> 00:30:59,116
I had to ask.
612
00:31:00,442 --> 00:31:02,285
So tell me,
who's your decorator?
613
00:31:02,444 --> 00:31:05,163
Ah, some fag.
Charged me up the ass, you know?
614
00:31:05,322 --> 00:31:07,541
Fag? Ass?
615
00:31:07,699 --> 00:31:09,417
I'm sorry, is that a joke?
616
00:31:09,576 --> 00:31:10,702
Yeah, in poor taste.
617
00:31:10,869 --> 00:31:13,622
Hey, personally, I got nothin'
against homosexuals, you know?
618
00:31:13,789 --> 00:31:17,009
I even got one of these friends,
one of these, uh, "transtesticles."
619
00:31:17,167 --> 00:31:18,214
( chuckles )
620
00:31:19,669 --> 00:31:22,969
Trans... testicle?
621
00:31:23,131 --> 00:31:24,678
I don't have
a sense of humor either.
622
00:31:24,841 --> 00:31:27,264
- Sorry.
- No shit.
623
00:31:27,427 --> 00:31:29,521
( Jimi Hendrix music blaring )
624
00:31:29,679 --> 00:31:31,727
♪ Help me, help... ♪
625
00:31:31,890 --> 00:31:33,358
( shuts off )
626
00:31:35,977 --> 00:31:37,979
Well, now that we've
broken the ice...
627
00:31:40,732 --> 00:31:42,405
I need you to find
my little sister.
628
00:31:42,567 --> 00:31:46,492
- She goes by the name of Zuzu Petals.
- Petals. Yeah, I know.
629
00:31:46,655 --> 00:31:49,329
You want me to get her back
because you don't want her to become
630
00:31:49,491 --> 00:31:52,995
the biggest sleazebag slut
on the Sunset Strip,
631
00:31:53,161 --> 00:31:55,163
'cause she's your pride and joy.
632
00:31:55,330 --> 00:31:56,877
How did you know?
633
00:31:58,834 --> 00:32:00,507
Here.
Take this picture.
634
00:32:00,669 --> 00:32:02,671
Uh, no, thanks.
635
00:32:02,838 --> 00:32:06,763
- I got my own.
- Excuse me?
636
00:32:09,010 --> 00:32:11,854
Let's see.
You're her worried sister, right?
637
00:32:12,013 --> 00:32:14,186
Yesterday,
I met a worried father,
638
00:32:14,349 --> 00:32:16,522
who, by the way,
is about five years younger than you.
639
00:32:16,685 --> 00:32:18,653
Then I capped off the evening
by watching this guy
640
00:32:18,812 --> 00:32:21,156
go up like a pack
of firecrackers.
641
00:32:21,314 --> 00:32:25,319
They write about cases like this
in the private eye handbook, honey.
642
00:32:25,485 --> 00:32:28,034
Somethin' about a 10-foot pole.
643
00:32:30,365 --> 00:32:33,619
5,000 should satisfy any qualms
you might have about my family tree.
644
00:32:33,785 --> 00:32:35,958
Yeah, but for now
I only get a 20, right?
645
00:32:36,121 --> 00:32:38,294
Actually, you may take it all now.
646
00:32:41,209 --> 00:32:42,552
Is that real money?
647
00:32:44,254 --> 00:32:45,551
I got some questions.
648
00:32:45,714 --> 00:32:47,307
I have no answers.
649
00:32:49,134 --> 00:32:50,431
Thanks for the stain.
650
00:32:50,594 --> 00:32:51,937
Find the girl.
651
00:32:55,223 --> 00:32:57,317
You know,
speaking of stains...
652
00:32:59,728 --> 00:33:03,323
I was just discussing bleaches
with my good friend Art Mooney.
653
00:33:03,482 --> 00:33:05,780
Who?
654
00:33:05,942 --> 00:33:09,742
( music playing )
655
00:33:09,905 --> 00:33:11,953
Zuzu Petals.
656
00:33:12,115 --> 00:33:14,209
Never seen her before.
657
00:33:14,367 --> 00:33:16,916
And as for who would
wanna kill Johnny Crunch,
658
00:33:17,078 --> 00:33:19,547
the line forms to the left.
659
00:33:19,706 --> 00:33:21,504
I can tell you
that he moved onto a sailboat
660
00:33:21,666 --> 00:33:24,044
at the Delta Marina last week.
661
00:33:24,211 --> 00:33:26,384
Thanks.
662
00:33:26,546 --> 00:33:29,675
- Hey, great pipes, huh?
- ( all laughing )
663
00:33:29,841 --> 00:33:32,765
I've heard cats fuck
with more harmony than this kid.
664
00:33:32,928 --> 00:33:35,181
Tell me about it.
The name's Kyle Troy.
665
00:33:35,347 --> 00:33:38,271
What's with this
freak of fuckin' nature?
666
00:33:38,433 --> 00:33:42,358
I mean, how does Grendel Records
sign such a wick-prick, huh?
667
00:33:42,521 --> 00:33:45,320
But then again,
Julie Grendel thinks Jethro Tull's
668
00:33:45,482 --> 00:33:46,699
one of the Beverly Hillbillies.
669
00:33:46,858 --> 00:33:48,610
( laughs )
670
00:33:52,113 --> 00:33:54,286
My mother always said that...
671
00:33:56,284 --> 00:33:59,788
if you can't say anything
nice about someone,
672
00:33:59,955 --> 00:34:02,299
make sure they're
out of the goddamn room.
673
00:34:05,627 --> 00:34:06,970
( chuckles )
674
00:34:07,128 --> 00:34:09,631
Hello, Ford.
675
00:34:09,798 --> 00:34:11,220
I'm Julian Grendel.
676
00:34:13,301 --> 00:34:16,350
Julie Grendel.
Right. Right.
677
00:34:16,513 --> 00:34:18,356
Hey, I'm sorry.
678
00:34:19,975 --> 00:34:22,353
Do you realize
we're gonna have to...
679
00:34:22,519 --> 00:34:25,147
ship this "wick-prick" platinum
680
00:34:25,313 --> 00:34:26,781
just so the teenage girls
681
00:34:26,940 --> 00:34:29,910
will have a compact disc cover
to get wet with.
682
00:34:30,068 --> 00:34:32,947
Come on, you gotta know
better than anybody that, uh,
683
00:34:33,113 --> 00:34:35,081
there's a lot more
to the music industry
684
00:34:35,240 --> 00:34:37,493
than actual music.
685
00:34:37,659 --> 00:34:39,411
You just have to learn
to tune it out.
686
00:34:39,578 --> 00:34:42,331
I recommend
Stravinsky and Wagner.
687
00:34:42,497 --> 00:34:44,215
I recommend
Smith and Wesson.
688
00:34:47,168 --> 00:34:50,923
I'm sorry to hear
about Bobby Black.
689
00:34:51,089 --> 00:34:53,262
Terrible thing.
690
00:34:53,425 --> 00:34:55,268
But a great career move.
691
00:34:56,761 --> 00:34:59,810
His records are really
climbing the charts.
692
00:34:59,973 --> 00:35:01,850
I just gotta make sure that, uh,
693
00:35:02,017 --> 00:35:05,772
this Kyle Troy,
is that his name?
694
00:35:05,937 --> 00:35:08,941
Anyway, this Kyle Troy person
is the next...
695
00:35:10,150 --> 00:35:12,699
big thing.
696
00:35:12,861 --> 00:35:16,365
And I was just discussing this whole
Troy thing with my old buddy, uh,
697
00:35:16,531 --> 00:35:18,829
Art Mooney.
You know him?
698
00:35:20,035 --> 00:35:21,207
Nope.
699
00:35:22,954 --> 00:35:24,331
No, huh?
700
00:35:26,583 --> 00:35:29,382
Don: What is this asshole
smilin' about?
701
00:35:29,544 --> 00:35:31,046
Sorry, uh, Ford,
702
00:35:31,212 --> 00:35:34,341
I couldn't help you
with your case.
703
00:35:34,507 --> 00:35:37,135
Ford? Ford?
704
00:35:37,302 --> 00:35:39,054
Hey, Pavarotti.
705
00:35:39,220 --> 00:35:40,938
- Hey, what's the hassle?
- Hassle?
706
00:35:41,097 --> 00:35:42,724
Wha-what is this,
I'm gonna be...
707
00:35:42,891 --> 00:35:44,893
Wha-what is that shit, huh?
708
00:35:45,060 --> 00:35:47,483
I could crack my knuckles
with more rhythm than that.
709
00:35:47,646 --> 00:35:50,490
I mean, you're killin'
rockin' 'n' rapin' roll, man.
710
00:35:50,649 --> 00:35:53,493
I mean, Keith Richards
is rolling over in his grave.
711
00:35:53,652 --> 00:35:55,575
The friggin' guy
isn't even dead yet.
712
00:35:55,737 --> 00:35:57,330
- You're tearin' me apart.
- Hey.
713
00:35:57,489 --> 00:35:59,992
Hey. No, no, no.
Rest your lips.
714
00:36:00,158 --> 00:36:02,252
Put down the earmuffs.
Go ahead. Go ahead.
715
00:36:02,410 --> 00:36:04,788
Good, good.
Rock 'n' roll.
716
00:36:04,954 --> 00:36:06,171
You know what rock 'n' roll is?
717
00:36:06,331 --> 00:36:07,674
- What's Ford doin', man?
- Come on, man.
718
00:36:07,832 --> 00:36:10,961
Guys, uh,
work with me, huh?
719
00:36:12,337 --> 00:36:14,886
( snapping )
720
00:36:16,841 --> 00:36:19,264
♪ I got a '65 Cadillac ♪
721
00:36:19,427 --> 00:36:21,850
♪ Spare tire on my back ♪
722
00:36:22,013 --> 00:36:24,357
♪ Charge card to Goldblatt's ♪
723
00:36:24,516 --> 00:36:27,190
♪ But I ain't got you ♪
724
00:36:27,352 --> 00:36:29,400
♪ I've got women
to the right of me ♪
725
00:36:29,562 --> 00:36:31,906
♪ Got women to the left of me ♪
726
00:36:32,065 --> 00:36:34,443
♪ I've got chicks all around me ♪
727
00:36:34,609 --> 00:36:37,237
♪ But I ain't got you ♪
728
00:36:37,404 --> 00:36:39,532
♪ I've got a tab
at the liquor store ♪
729
00:36:39,698 --> 00:36:42,042
♪ I hit the number 4-4-4 ♪
730
00:36:42,200 --> 00:36:44,373
♪ I got a mojo,
don't you know? ♪
731
00:36:44,536 --> 00:36:47,130
♪ I'm all dressed up
and no place to go ♪
732
00:36:47,288 --> 00:36:49,541
- ♪ I've got women to the left of me ♪
- ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
733
00:36:49,708 --> 00:36:52,211
- ♪ I've got women to the right of me ♪
- ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
734
00:36:52,377 --> 00:36:54,880
- ♪ I've got chicks all around me ♪
- ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
735
00:36:55,046 --> 00:36:57,299
♪ But I ain't got you ♪
736
00:36:57,465 --> 00:36:58,557
♪ No, I ain't got you ♪
737
00:36:58,717 --> 00:37:00,185
♪ Wow ♪
738
00:37:15,316 --> 00:37:17,569
- ♪ I've got a closet full of clothes ♪
- ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
739
00:37:17,736 --> 00:37:19,909
- ♪ And no matter when it goes ♪
- ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
740
00:37:20,071 --> 00:37:22,699
- ♪ I got a ring in my nose ♪
- ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
741
00:37:22,866 --> 00:37:25,369
♪ But I ain't got you ♪
742
00:37:25,535 --> 00:37:27,082
- ♪ But I ain't got you ♪
- ♪ But I ain't got you ♪
743
00:37:27,245 --> 00:37:30,419
♪ Yeah, I ain't got you ♪
744
00:37:30,582 --> 00:37:32,584
- ♪ No, I ain't got you ♪
- ♪ No, I ain't got you. ♪
745
00:37:32,751 --> 00:37:35,675
( cheering )
746
00:37:35,837 --> 00:37:37,839
Kid...
747
00:37:38,006 --> 00:37:39,758
now that's rock 'n' roll, huh?
748
00:37:43,678 --> 00:37:45,680
Ford:
I coulda been a rock star,
749
00:37:45,847 --> 00:37:48,771
if only I wasn't banned from MTV.
750
00:37:48,933 --> 00:37:50,105
Hey, it's a long story.
751
00:37:50,268 --> 00:37:52,270
Unfortunately,
I can only do that one song.
752
00:37:52,437 --> 00:37:53,529
( Ford chuckles )
753
00:37:53,688 --> 00:37:55,690
Well, I can also do a mean
"Puff the Magic Dragon,"
754
00:37:55,857 --> 00:37:57,279
but only in the nude.
755
00:37:57,442 --> 00:37:59,490
It's a longer story. Oh!
756
00:37:59,652 --> 00:38:01,654
You guys a band?
757
00:38:01,821 --> 00:38:04,040
Sure.
( laughs )
758
00:38:04,199 --> 00:38:06,918
- Got a name?
- Yeah. Pain.
759
00:38:07,076 --> 00:38:08,703
( laughs )
760
00:38:08,870 --> 00:38:10,872
Pain.
( chuckles )
761
00:38:11,039 --> 00:38:12,666
Kooky.
762
00:38:16,711 --> 00:38:17,963
Ford:
When Don Cleveland told me
763
00:38:18,129 --> 00:38:20,257
Johnny had a boat
on the Delta Marina,
764
00:38:20,423 --> 00:38:22,391
I forgot to ask the name of it.
765
00:38:22,550 --> 00:38:25,349
I had a feeling Johnny
had been hiding from someone.
766
00:38:25,512 --> 00:38:27,355
So the name of the boat
was gonna be something
767
00:38:27,514 --> 00:38:29,482
different from his personality.
768
00:38:33,269 --> 00:38:35,488
Well, maybe not.
769
00:38:55,166 --> 00:38:58,090
Johnny was the only guy
who could out disgust me.
770
00:38:58,253 --> 00:39:01,132
When we were kids,
we'd have gross-out contests.
771
00:39:01,297 --> 00:39:03,846
I'd cough up a pile of phlegm
on a table.
772
00:39:04,008 --> 00:39:08,013
He'd say, "Nice try"
and then pull out a straw.
773
00:39:08,179 --> 00:39:10,557
- Ouch!
- ( toy squeaks )
774
00:39:10,723 --> 00:39:12,396
( music playing )
♪ Hey, baby... ♪
775
00:39:12,559 --> 00:39:14,732
( squeaks )
776
00:39:14,894 --> 00:39:16,521
♪ "Love Boat" ♪
777
00:39:16,688 --> 00:39:19,362
♪ Takin' another run... ♪
778
00:39:21,943 --> 00:39:23,570
Ford:
The dumb bastard got involved
779
00:39:23,736 --> 00:39:26,364
with something or someone
he shouldn't have.
780
00:39:34,873 --> 00:39:36,341
"Collie and me."
781
00:39:36,499 --> 00:39:38,217
Ford:
I'm a big Lassie fan,
782
00:39:38,376 --> 00:39:40,344
so I figured I'd take a break.
783
00:39:40,503 --> 00:39:42,380
I hope it's the one where... yow!
784
00:39:42,547 --> 00:39:44,766
I'm a... I'm a... I'm a pit bull!
I'm a pit bull.
785
00:39:44,924 --> 00:39:48,144
I'm a bad pit bull.
Where's my Queen Colleen?
786
00:39:48,303 --> 00:39:49,805
( panting )
787
00:39:53,141 --> 00:39:55,143
Queen Collie's here.
788
00:39:55,310 --> 00:39:57,233
What is this,
the Rob Lowe channel?
789
00:39:57,395 --> 00:40:00,615
- Oh, yes, yes, yes.
- Oh, what a cute little doggie.
790
00:40:00,773 --> 00:40:04,573
"I'm very rich.
Nothing offends me."
791
00:40:04,736 --> 00:40:06,613
Come on. Nothing?
No shit, honey.
792
00:40:06,779 --> 00:40:10,409
You got a whip stickin' out of your ass
and a guy that's fuckin' barkin'.
793
00:40:10,575 --> 00:40:12,577
Bad dog. Bad dog.
Down. Down.
794
00:40:12,744 --> 00:40:13,916
Sit.
795
00:40:17,165 --> 00:40:18,508
( sighs )
796
00:40:31,512 --> 00:40:34,391
Ford: Why was Colleen
so interested in Johnny?
797
00:40:34,557 --> 00:40:37,777
Maybe they had
the same tastes in antiques.
798
00:40:45,526 --> 00:40:46,698
Hello, hello.
799
00:40:53,451 --> 00:40:54,919
( laughs )
800
00:40:56,371 --> 00:40:59,466
You're 10 seconds from the most
embarrassing moment
801
00:40:59,624 --> 00:41:01,626
of your fuckin' life.
802
00:41:08,633 --> 00:41:09,885
( chuckles maniacally )
803
00:41:18,017 --> 00:41:19,485
Fuck!
804
00:41:22,897 --> 00:41:24,274
Ah!
805
00:41:24,440 --> 00:41:26,738
- Ah!
- ( maniacal chuckle )
806
00:41:37,328 --> 00:41:39,922
( grunting )
807
00:41:54,095 --> 00:41:57,269
Ford: I felt like I'd just played
water polo in a urine tank.
808
00:41:57,432 --> 00:41:59,275
Who was that smiling
snapper-head?
809
00:41:59,434 --> 00:42:01,027
Why was he tryin' to scare me
off the case?
810
00:42:01,185 --> 00:42:02,653
And who's he workin' for?
811
00:42:02,812 --> 00:42:04,689
More important,
I got a school of guppies
812
00:42:04,856 --> 00:42:06,278
caught in my underwear
right now.
813
00:42:06,441 --> 00:42:08,034
Nobody believes me.
814
00:42:09,902 --> 00:42:11,495
( rings )
815
00:42:12,697 --> 00:42:15,450
- Hit pay dirt with K-DIRT.
- Yeah, Jazz.
816
00:42:15,616 --> 00:42:17,539
- What's goin' on?
- Bimbos and bill collectors.
817
00:42:17,702 --> 00:42:19,875
- You?
- Uh, took a late-night swim.
818
00:42:20,038 --> 00:42:22,040
- You know what I'm sayin'?
- Uh-huh, how refreshing.
819
00:42:22,206 --> 00:42:24,459
Look, I got some party
I want you to come to tomorrow.
820
00:42:24,625 --> 00:42:26,127
It could be interesting.
821
00:42:26,294 --> 00:42:29,468
It's, uh, at Colleen Sutton's
Bel Air estate.
822
00:42:29,630 --> 00:42:31,883
So dress nice, okay, honey?
823
00:42:32,050 --> 00:42:34,018
- Okay.
- Love you, baby.
824
00:42:40,433 --> 00:42:41,434
( music playing )
825
00:42:41,601 --> 00:42:44,229
♪ House that rings
with joy and laughter... ♪
826
00:42:48,983 --> 00:42:51,782
Oh, man,
do I hate the rich.
827
00:42:55,323 --> 00:42:57,997
Robin Leach?
828
00:42:58,159 --> 00:42:59,502
I fucked him.
829
00:42:59,660 --> 00:43:00,752
Oh!
830
00:43:00,912 --> 00:43:03,335
♪ Give me the simple life... ♪
831
00:43:03,498 --> 00:43:04,966
Colleen:
So you want off the case?
832
00:43:05,124 --> 00:43:06,592
Not quite.
833
00:43:06,751 --> 00:43:09,504
I've got a code, Queen Collie.
834
00:43:09,670 --> 00:43:13,345
I never, ever drop a case.
835
00:43:13,508 --> 00:43:16,011
Besides, I used all your money
to pay my bills,
836
00:43:16,177 --> 00:43:18,771
so I sort of owe you.
837
00:43:18,930 --> 00:43:20,773
I don't need money.
838
00:43:20,932 --> 00:43:22,809
What I need
are questions answered.
839
00:43:22,975 --> 00:43:24,648
Question number one.
840
00:43:26,437 --> 00:43:28,906
Can I have some money?
841
00:43:29,065 --> 00:43:31,033
I'm only kiddin'.
842
00:43:31,192 --> 00:43:33,320
Hey, look.
843
00:43:33,486 --> 00:43:36,035
Johnny Crunch
was a good friend of mine.
844
00:43:36,197 --> 00:43:37,790
He didn't bark like a dog for me,
845
00:43:37,949 --> 00:43:39,576
however...
846
00:43:39,742 --> 00:43:41,494
I wanna know
why he had to die.
847
00:43:41,661 --> 00:43:43,038
Look.
848
00:43:43,204 --> 00:43:44,797
No one told you
to solve a murder.
849
00:43:44,956 --> 00:43:46,799
Just find a girl.
850
00:44:01,055 --> 00:44:03,558
Excuse me a moment... honey.
851
00:44:08,563 --> 00:44:13,114
Jazz, I told you to dress nice,
not nice.
852
00:44:13,276 --> 00:44:15,404
I mean, uh,
what'd you think this was, a date?
853
00:44:17,071 --> 00:44:19,244
All right, look, sweetheart.
854
00:44:19,407 --> 00:44:20,499
You look beautiful.
855
00:44:20,658 --> 00:44:22,877
Afterwards, I'll take you out,
throw a burger down your throat...
856
00:44:23,035 --> 00:44:26,084
- We'll have a great time.
- You're truly a man among men.
857
00:44:26,247 --> 00:44:27,840
- What do you want from me?
- Look.
858
00:44:27,999 --> 00:44:30,752
This Colleen Sutton chick
I was just rappin' with?
859
00:44:30,918 --> 00:44:33,296
She's full of surprises
and full of shit, okay?
860
00:44:33,462 --> 00:44:35,965
I want you to secretly
keep tabs on her for me.
861
00:44:36,132 --> 00:44:37,429
All right. Good.
862
00:44:37,592 --> 00:44:40,436
Hey, wait.
"Hors d'vors."
863
00:44:40,595 --> 00:44:42,017
Snapper-head.
864
00:44:42,180 --> 00:44:45,184
Hey, food boy.
Where the hell are you goin'?
865
00:44:46,934 --> 00:44:50,859
♪ Some like that high road,
I like the low road ♪
866
00:44:51,022 --> 00:44:54,777
♪ Free from the care and strife ♪
867
00:44:54,942 --> 00:44:57,286
♪ Sounds corny and seedy ♪
868
00:44:57,445 --> 00:44:59,163
♪ But, yes, in deedy ♪
869
00:44:59,322 --> 00:45:02,417
♪ Give me the simple life... ♪
870
00:45:08,873 --> 00:45:10,216
( gasping )
871
00:45:10,374 --> 00:45:11,500
Stop following me!
872
00:45:11,667 --> 00:45:13,010
Excuse me, I was...
873
00:45:13,169 --> 00:45:14,170
Give it up, girl.
874
00:45:14,337 --> 00:45:15,714
Just take this.
875
00:45:15,880 --> 00:45:18,349
I can't afford
to have it right now.
876
00:45:20,301 --> 00:45:21,678
( gasps )
Whoa!
877
00:45:21,844 --> 00:45:23,221
( giggles )
878
00:45:26,724 --> 00:45:28,726
( fly buzzing )
879
00:45:33,814 --> 00:45:34,986
( gags )
880
00:45:37,318 --> 00:45:38,991
Well, hello, Ford.
881
00:45:41,906 --> 00:45:43,704
- I'm hip.
- ( moans )
882
00:45:43,866 --> 00:45:46,210
Well, I must say,
you're an island of reality
883
00:45:46,369 --> 00:45:48,167
in an ocean of diarrhea.
884
00:45:57,838 --> 00:45:59,840
( gulps )
885
00:46:00,007 --> 00:46:01,805
And it's good
to see you, too, Julie.
886
00:46:01,968 --> 00:46:03,811
Say hello to my assistant, Jazz.
887
00:46:03,970 --> 00:46:05,313
Hi.
888
00:46:09,183 --> 00:46:13,939
Ford, I think that somebody's
trying to rip my company off.
889
00:46:14,105 --> 00:46:16,824
I've tried the yellow pages.
890
00:46:16,983 --> 00:46:18,075
Now I think it's your turn.
891
00:46:18,234 --> 00:46:20,282
- ( bell ringing )
- Shark is served.
892
00:46:20,444 --> 00:46:24,540
( guests laughing )
893
00:46:24,699 --> 00:46:26,292
I guess now is a bad time
to discuss it.
894
00:46:26,450 --> 00:46:29,920
I'm such a big fan of shark meat.
895
00:46:30,079 --> 00:46:31,501
So nice to meet you.
896
00:46:31,664 --> 00:46:34,213
( garbled speech )
Nice to meet you.
897
00:46:34,375 --> 00:46:35,672
See you.
898
00:46:37,962 --> 00:46:40,181
Come on, Ford.
899
00:46:41,382 --> 00:46:42,850
Your shark steak, sir?
900
00:46:44,844 --> 00:46:46,187
What are you looking...
901
00:46:46,345 --> 00:46:47,847
what's the matter with you?
902
00:46:48,014 --> 00:46:50,267
Hey, Jazz, what, do you
got your panties in a bunch?
903
00:46:50,433 --> 00:46:51,685
- What's goin' on?
- Just shut up
904
00:46:51,851 --> 00:46:53,228
and look down
the back of my dress.
905
00:46:53,394 --> 00:46:54,566
Whoa.
906
00:46:55,896 --> 00:46:57,569
This party's pickin' up.
907
00:46:57,732 --> 00:46:59,905
Come on, come on.
Come on, come on, come on, come on.
908
00:47:02,945 --> 00:47:04,367
Where'd you get this?
909
00:47:04,530 --> 00:47:06,783
It's a gift from
the ice queen, Colleen.
910
00:47:06,949 --> 00:47:09,202
And it's not even my birthday.
911
00:47:09,368 --> 00:47:12,542
I wouldn't trust that babe
as far as I could bowl her.
912
00:47:12,705 --> 00:47:15,083
I found out
she'd been nailin' Johnny.
913
00:47:15,249 --> 00:47:17,502
Don't even ask about Zuzu Petals.
914
00:47:21,255 --> 00:47:22,347
( beeping )
915
00:47:22,506 --> 00:47:24,759
"Play that funky music,
white boy."
916
00:47:24,925 --> 00:47:26,677
It's a computer disc.
917
00:47:26,844 --> 00:47:28,391
Let me check it out.
918
00:47:28,554 --> 00:47:30,727
I knew Colleen
had something up her sleeve.
919
00:47:32,600 --> 00:47:34,443
You did good.
920
00:47:34,602 --> 00:47:37,401
Why don't you make eye contact
when you say that?
921
00:47:37,563 --> 00:47:38,815
I can't.
That dress.
922
00:47:38,981 --> 00:47:40,198
I mean, why don't we just, um...
923
00:47:40,358 --> 00:47:41,951
Celebrate?
924
00:47:42,109 --> 00:47:44,953
Like when we solved the Case
of the Bad White Bluesman?
925
00:47:45,112 --> 00:47:46,910
- Forget that, man.
- Jazz...
926
00:47:47,073 --> 00:47:48,791
Come here.
927
00:47:53,788 --> 00:47:55,290
( clears throat )
928
00:47:55,456 --> 00:47:58,084
Maybe I should be thankful
that was a foodless kiss.
929
00:47:58,250 --> 00:48:00,673
Hey, look. We had such
a great weekend, you know.
930
00:48:00,836 --> 00:48:02,588
You had a good time,
I had a good time...
931
00:48:02,755 --> 00:48:05,679
Okay. Well, why don't you just stop
before you make some
932
00:48:05,841 --> 00:48:09,436
crude reference to Stanley?
933
00:48:09,595 --> 00:48:11,438
Hey, Stanley had a good time,
too, you know?
934
00:48:11,597 --> 00:48:14,396
Yeah?
Well, that weekend was a mistake.
935
00:48:14,558 --> 00:48:18,153
Hey, look. I'm sorry that I made you
clean the toilets and the bathtubs.
936
00:48:18,312 --> 00:48:20,189
I mean, who did
all the work in bed?
937
00:48:20,356 --> 00:48:21,653
( gasps )
938
00:48:21,816 --> 00:48:23,033
Oh.
939
00:48:23,192 --> 00:48:25,536
- Oh, come... Jazz!
- ( groans )
940
00:48:25,694 --> 00:48:27,662
What'd I say?
Come on.
941
00:48:27,822 --> 00:48:30,166
Chicks.
942
00:48:30,324 --> 00:48:32,201
Ford:
Some people play hard to get.
943
00:48:32,368 --> 00:48:34,587
I play hard to want.
944
00:48:34,745 --> 00:48:36,793
I'd always loved Jazz,
945
00:48:36,956 --> 00:48:39,334
'cause she despised me
for who I truly am.
946
00:48:39,500 --> 00:48:42,174
It's like that time we were at her
parents' wedding anniversary
947
00:48:42,336 --> 00:48:43,633
and I told that joke,
948
00:48:43,796 --> 00:48:45,719
"What's the definition of vagina?"
949
00:48:45,881 --> 00:48:49,636
"The box a penis comes in." Oh!
950
00:48:52,179 --> 00:48:55,103
I was stuck with a case
where Zuzu Petals and Art Mooney
951
00:48:55,266 --> 00:48:58,987
were battling out for the
"Lamest Clue of My Career" award.
952
00:49:00,688 --> 00:49:02,361
It's just me and you
tonight, honey.
953
00:49:02,523 --> 00:49:04,321
( muttering )
954
00:49:04,483 --> 00:49:06,110
What are you doin'?
955
00:49:06,277 --> 00:49:07,620
Look at the mess
you're makin', huh?
956
00:49:07,778 --> 00:49:08,995
Who's gonna clean that up?
957
00:49:09,155 --> 00:49:10,498
( muttering )
958
00:49:13,033 --> 00:49:15,252
( intro music plays on TV )
959
00:49:15,411 --> 00:49:17,163
Hi, I'm Kurt Loder
and this is MTV News.
960
00:49:17,329 --> 00:49:19,673
Police now say that
Black Plague singer Bobby Black
961
00:49:19,832 --> 00:49:22,802
was not the victim of a drug overdose
as it was at first suspected.
962
00:49:22,960 --> 00:49:26,180
Police say they have no suspects yet
and they're asking all Black Plague fans
963
00:49:26,338 --> 00:49:28,557
not to show up at the funeral tonight,
which, by the way,
964
00:49:28,716 --> 00:49:31,219
will be held at the Hollywood Cemetery
at midnight.
965
00:49:31,385 --> 00:49:34,480
Right now, as a tribute,
here's the last video by Bobby Black.
966
00:49:34,638 --> 00:49:36,356
( rock music playing )
967
00:49:39,894 --> 00:49:41,692
♪ I said dance ♪
968
00:49:41,854 --> 00:49:43,652
♪ I said prance ♪
969
00:49:43,814 --> 00:49:47,569
♪ Sleazing in like a monkey ♪
970
00:49:47,735 --> 00:49:49,282
♪ That's cool ♪
971
00:49:49,445 --> 00:49:51,539
♪ I say it's gross ♪
972
00:49:51,697 --> 00:49:54,200
♪ Honey so damn f-funky ♪
973
00:49:54,366 --> 00:49:56,869
♪ Dance to the rhythm ♪
974
00:49:57,036 --> 00:49:58,879
♪ Jungle music rhythm ♪
975
00:49:59,038 --> 00:50:01,882
♪ - So primal... ♪
- Would you look at that.
976
00:50:02,041 --> 00:50:06,046
♪ Don't give up, no ♪
977
00:50:06,212 --> 00:50:09,682
♪ No, she don't give a shit... ♪
978
00:50:11,342 --> 00:50:14,721
( cheering )
979
00:50:16,472 --> 00:50:20,067
Ford: So Zuzu Petals
was a groupie of Bobby Black's.
980
00:50:20,226 --> 00:50:23,696
What did Bobby's friends
Johnny and Colleen want from her?
981
00:50:23,854 --> 00:50:26,107
I'd hoped to find out
at Bobby's funeral,
982
00:50:26,273 --> 00:50:30,073
'cause this case
was getting closed.
983
00:50:34,949 --> 00:50:36,951
All right.
That's 100 each.
984
00:50:37,117 --> 00:50:38,664
Come on.
Let's go, let's go, let's go.
985
00:50:38,827 --> 00:50:41,376
We got four tickets tonight.
All right, get in there.
986
00:50:43,457 --> 00:50:44,925
Got those Plague invites here.
987
00:50:45,084 --> 00:50:46,802
( engine revving )
988
00:50:46,961 --> 00:50:48,429
Scalpin' at a funeral.
989
00:50:48,587 --> 00:50:50,965
- You're a pretty sleazy guy.
- Thanks. You interested?
990
00:50:51,131 --> 00:50:52,974
It's festival seating,
so you gotta...
991
00:50:53,133 --> 00:50:55,477
- How much?
- 300.
992
00:50:55,636 --> 00:50:57,388
300?
You charged the chicks one.
993
00:50:57,555 --> 00:50:59,683
Hey, they blew me.
994
00:51:01,308 --> 00:51:03,652
300 comin' up.
995
00:51:17,992 --> 00:51:20,290
Jeez. Am I the only one
that paid full price?
996
00:51:23,372 --> 00:51:24,624
Ever see this chick before?
997
00:51:24,790 --> 00:51:26,792
Ever see this chick?
998
00:51:26,959 --> 00:51:29,678
He was so good.
999
00:51:32,840 --> 00:51:34,387
He was one of the greats.
1000
00:51:34,550 --> 00:51:37,850
You ever see this chick around?
1001
00:51:38,012 --> 00:51:40,356
Is this a trick question?
1002
00:51:46,353 --> 00:51:47,900
Zuzu Petals?
1003
00:51:48,063 --> 00:51:50,031
Zuzu Petals? Yes!
1004
00:51:50,190 --> 00:51:53,239
Who killed Bobby Black?
Who killed Johnny Crunch?
1005
00:51:53,402 --> 00:51:54,745
Who's Art Mooney?
1006
00:51:54,903 --> 00:51:56,371
- Talk to me.
- I don't know.
1007
00:51:56,530 --> 00:51:58,407
- Talk to me!
- I-I-I am so scared!
1008
00:51:58,574 --> 00:51:59,666
Help me.
1009
00:51:59,825 --> 00:52:02,328
Hey, baby.
A simple thank you would suffice.
1010
00:52:02,494 --> 00:52:04,997
- "Fluck" you!
- Oh!
1011
00:52:05,164 --> 00:52:07,542
Oh, "fluck!" "Fluck!"
1012
00:52:07,708 --> 00:52:09,710
Stanley, talk to me!
1013
00:52:15,382 --> 00:52:16,725
Hello, hello.
1014
00:52:16,884 --> 00:52:18,227
- Ugh.
- ( screams )
1015
00:52:21,555 --> 00:52:23,228
( screaming )
1016
00:52:24,892 --> 00:52:26,860
- Ah!
- ( grunts )
1017
00:52:42,409 --> 00:52:43,626
Damn!
1018
00:52:43,786 --> 00:52:46,255
( cell phone ringing )
1019
00:52:46,413 --> 00:52:47,790
Hit pay dirt with K-DIRT.
1020
00:52:47,956 --> 00:52:49,048
Man:
Hello, hello.
1021
00:52:49,208 --> 00:52:50,334
( maniacal chuckles )
1022
00:52:50,501 --> 00:52:52,629
Radio contests, Ford.
1023
00:52:52,795 --> 00:52:55,469
( laughs )
Come on, man.
1024
00:52:55,631 --> 00:52:57,429
Hey. Aren't you
supposed to be dead?
1025
00:52:57,591 --> 00:52:59,639
Why don't you come back here,
you chickenshit, huh?
1026
00:52:59,802 --> 00:53:04,228
Oh, Ford. I wouldn't leave
without sayin' goodbye.
1027
00:53:04,390 --> 00:53:06,734
- Man: Watch out! Get outta the way.
- ( woman screaming )
1028
00:53:15,275 --> 00:53:16,697
God, I love this job.
1029
00:53:16,860 --> 00:53:19,454
And I thought all we got
was a good dental plan.
1030
00:53:27,287 --> 00:53:28,789
- ( tires squealing )
- Hey!
1031
00:53:28,956 --> 00:53:30,583
He took Lydia!
1032
00:53:35,629 --> 00:53:37,802
Ah!
1033
00:53:37,965 --> 00:53:40,343
Mom.
1034
00:53:40,509 --> 00:53:42,011
( women screaming )
1035
00:53:49,727 --> 00:53:51,695
( laughing )
1036
00:53:53,480 --> 00:53:55,903
You ain't smilin' no more,
asshole.
1037
00:53:56,066 --> 00:53:58,068
Oh, but I am, Ford.
1038
00:54:01,405 --> 00:54:02,497
Oh, shit!
1039
00:54:02,656 --> 00:54:04,954
Oh, no, thanks.
1040
00:54:05,117 --> 00:54:06,619
I've got "me" own.
1041
00:54:06,785 --> 00:54:08,833
( laughs )
1042
00:54:08,996 --> 00:54:10,122
Ah!
1043
00:54:19,339 --> 00:54:20,841
( cell phone ringing )
1044
00:54:21,008 --> 00:54:24,854
Fuck you,
you dirtbag sack of shit!
1045
00:54:25,012 --> 00:54:27,310
And a good evening
to you, too, kind sir.
1046
00:54:27,473 --> 00:54:29,475
Sorry to interrupt.
Just thought you might like to know
1047
00:54:29,641 --> 00:54:31,689
that the CD
is coming up worthless.
1048
00:54:31,852 --> 00:54:35,322
And I also found out
why Colleen Sutton is so damn rich.
1049
00:54:35,481 --> 00:54:37,108
Besides the Sutton estate,
1050
00:54:37,274 --> 00:54:41,700
she also gets a little additional
green a la alimony from...
1051
00:54:41,862 --> 00:54:43,114
dramatic pause...
1052
00:54:43,280 --> 00:54:44,998
your pal Julian Grendel.
1053
00:54:45,157 --> 00:54:47,410
- Her ex-husband.
- Yeah, that explains a lot, Jazz,
1054
00:54:47,576 --> 00:54:49,670
but, uh, this isn't
the greatest time to talk.
1055
00:54:49,828 --> 00:54:51,671
You're with one of your bimbos,
aren't you?
1056
00:54:51,830 --> 00:54:54,083
It's a little more
complicated than that, Jazz.
1057
00:54:54,249 --> 00:54:56,798
- ( incoming call signal beeps )
- Wait. Hold on. I got another call.
1058
00:54:56,960 --> 00:54:58,052
Hold on.
1059
00:55:01,215 --> 00:55:02,262
Yeah, hello? Smiley?
1060
00:55:02,424 --> 00:55:04,142
Look. I'm sorry.
That was my assistant.
1061
00:55:04,301 --> 00:55:07,020
Your assistant is quite special.
1062
00:55:07,179 --> 00:55:10,023
I look forward to raping her
at your funeral.
1063
00:55:11,225 --> 00:55:12,568
Ugh!
1064
00:55:12,726 --> 00:55:14,569
Wait. Hold on, Smiley.
1065
00:55:14,728 --> 00:55:17,356
Come on, get.
On second thought...
1066
00:55:17,523 --> 00:55:19,150
I'm only kidding.
Come here. Come here.
1067
00:55:23,403 --> 00:55:24,700
Damn, baby.
1068
00:55:24,863 --> 00:55:27,412
I hope you filled out
some organ donor cards.
1069
00:55:27,574 --> 00:55:30,748
Excuse me.
Excuse me, driver? Driver?
1070
00:55:30,911 --> 00:55:33,881
Hi. Um, now,
I know this is, like, a car chase,
1071
00:55:34,039 --> 00:55:36,292
but I have got to go wee-wee.
1072
00:55:36,458 --> 00:55:39,052
So if we could just pull over,
it'd be great, at any...
1073
00:55:39,211 --> 00:55:40,383
( gasps ) Ah!
1074
00:55:40,546 --> 00:55:43,140
Hang on, baby, here we go.
1075
00:55:43,298 --> 00:55:45,221
( screaming )
1076
00:55:48,220 --> 00:55:50,723
Come on.
Come on, Smiley.
1077
00:55:52,724 --> 00:55:54,726
Women:
Bobby!
1078
00:55:58,397 --> 00:56:01,617
That's Bobby!
Ha! Hi, sweetheart!
1079
00:56:11,827 --> 00:56:13,921
Shit!
1080
00:56:14,079 --> 00:56:16,081
Ah!
1081
00:56:25,924 --> 00:56:27,096
( tires screech )
1082
00:56:29,970 --> 00:56:31,472
( sighs )
1083
00:56:33,473 --> 00:56:34,816
Boy.
1084
00:56:34,975 --> 00:56:38,445
You morticians
really know how to party.
1085
00:56:38,604 --> 00:56:40,447
Ah!
1086
00:56:48,155 --> 00:56:49,998
( sighs )
1087
00:56:50,157 --> 00:56:51,454
( straining )
1088
00:56:55,287 --> 00:56:56,539
( gasps )
1089
00:56:57,789 --> 00:57:00,338
- Are you mad?
- No, I'm ecstatic!
1090
00:57:00,500 --> 00:57:02,127
Get outta the car!
1091
00:57:02,294 --> 00:57:04,137
( sirens blaring )
1092
00:57:13,013 --> 00:57:14,515
( crash )
1093
00:57:20,687 --> 00:57:23,281
I can't believe anybody
could have so much fuckin' fun
1094
00:57:23,440 --> 00:57:25,192
at a funeral, Fairlane.
1095
00:57:25,359 --> 00:57:26,702
You do bar mitzvahs?
1096
00:57:26,860 --> 00:57:29,033
The son of a bitch you want
is in this limo.
1097
00:57:29,196 --> 00:57:30,948
Yeah, sure, whatever.
1098
00:57:31,114 --> 00:57:32,991
You know, I really wish I could
get mad at you, Ford,
1099
00:57:33,158 --> 00:57:35,035
but guess who just
found out who killed
1100
00:57:35,202 --> 00:57:36,795
Bobby Black
and Johnny Crunch?
1101
00:57:36,954 --> 00:57:39,673
Some psycho groupie killer.
1102
00:57:39,831 --> 00:57:43,301
I got an anonymous letter,
said she killed the both of them.
1103
00:57:43,460 --> 00:57:45,554
I hate to interrupt,
but I think you spent
1104
00:57:45,712 --> 00:57:48,215
too much time in the discos
during the '70s.
1105
00:57:48,382 --> 00:57:50,384
The Village People
rotted your brain.
1106
00:57:50,550 --> 00:57:53,975
See, that's the difference
between a great investigator like me
1107
00:57:54,137 --> 00:57:56,856
and a piece of spam like you.
1108
00:57:57,015 --> 00:57:59,188
Spam.
1109
00:57:59,351 --> 00:58:01,194
You're a piece of spam.
1110
00:58:01,353 --> 00:58:03,026
That's what I think of you.
1111
00:58:03,188 --> 00:58:06,488
No, I call you a piece of spam
'cause that's what you are.
1112
00:58:06,650 --> 00:58:08,744
Spam.
1113
00:58:08,902 --> 00:58:11,576
See, you look at this picture,
all you see is the beauty.
1114
00:58:11,738 --> 00:58:13,240
I see the beast.
1115
00:58:13,407 --> 00:58:14,624
Detective:
Uh, Lieutenant?
1116
00:58:14,783 --> 00:58:16,581
Yeah, there's no one
in the limo, sir.
1117
00:58:16,743 --> 00:58:19,121
Together:
What?
1118
00:58:19,287 --> 00:58:20,914
All right,
I'll talk to you later.
1119
00:58:21,081 --> 00:58:23,584
But I'll tell you somethin',
don't try finding this girl on your own.
1120
00:58:23,750 --> 00:58:26,549
Trust me on this one.
This broad is lethal.
1121
00:58:26,712 --> 00:58:28,589
Yeah.
Whatever you say, boss.
1122
00:58:28,755 --> 00:58:32,350
You could get cream to, uh,
try to kill whatever that is down there.
1123
00:58:33,719 --> 00:58:37,769
Ford: Keeping Zuzu away from
the disco duck wasn't too fuckin' hard.
1124
00:58:37,931 --> 00:58:40,480
But I'd have to wait
to interrogate her.
1125
00:58:42,936 --> 00:58:46,782
Colleen's on a revenge trip
against her ex-husband.
1126
00:58:46,940 --> 00:58:51,116
Julian Grendel told me
his company's been gettin' ripped off.
1127
00:58:51,278 --> 00:58:53,280
Makes total sense.
1128
00:58:53,447 --> 00:58:56,997
Bobby and his friend,
Colleen's lover Johnny Crunch,
1129
00:58:57,159 --> 00:58:59,207
find out about
her little scheme.
1130
00:58:59,369 --> 00:59:01,747
She has 'em killed.
1131
00:59:01,913 --> 00:59:04,587
If that's so,
who the hell are you?
1132
00:59:06,626 --> 00:59:07,923
Zuzu Petals.
1133
00:59:10,130 --> 00:59:12,178
Don't talk to me anymore.
1134
00:59:14,801 --> 00:59:18,146
Yum, yum, TV.
1135
00:59:18,305 --> 00:59:21,935
Ford: Talking to Zuzu was like
masturbating with a cheese grater.
1136
00:59:22,100 --> 00:59:25,445
Slightly amusing,
but mostly painful.
1137
00:59:33,153 --> 00:59:34,450
Zuzu!
1138
00:59:41,620 --> 00:59:43,463
- Ugh!
- Zuzu?
1139
00:59:45,332 --> 00:59:47,130
Zuzu. Zuzu.
1140
00:59:47,292 --> 00:59:49,636
What the hell happened?
Come on, honey.
1141
00:59:49,795 --> 00:59:51,968
Oh, I'm so sorry
about everything I said.
1142
00:59:52,130 --> 00:59:54,303
Come on, just be all right.
Come on, talk to me, honey.
1143
00:59:54,466 --> 00:59:56,389
Come on.
That's it. Keep chewing.
1144
00:59:56,551 --> 00:59:58,679
( moaning )
1145
00:59:58,845 --> 01:00:01,189
- That's it.
- "Fluck."
1146
01:00:01,348 --> 01:00:03,601
Great video, huh?
1147
01:00:03,767 --> 01:00:06,270
( sighs )
Are you okay?
1148
01:00:06,436 --> 01:00:08,109
Okay?
I just blew up.
1149
01:00:08,271 --> 01:00:11,821
But I feel orgasmic.
1150
01:00:11,983 --> 01:00:14,361
My guitar.
1151
01:00:14,528 --> 01:00:16,326
My Axe.
1152
01:00:18,698 --> 01:00:20,041
My Axe!
1153
01:00:25,872 --> 01:00:28,216
Colleen fuckin' Sutton.
1154
01:00:28,375 --> 01:00:30,298
I knew it!
1155
01:00:30,460 --> 01:00:33,839
Ford? You got something cooking
in the microwave?
1156
01:00:36,508 --> 01:00:37,885
Get out!
1157
01:00:39,970 --> 01:00:41,597
- Get out!
- What? Oh, wait, wait.
1158
01:00:41,763 --> 01:00:44,016
- My purse.
- "Wait, my purse"?
1159
01:00:44,182 --> 01:00:46,526
Get outta here!
Come on!
1160
01:01:06,246 --> 01:01:07,998
Jump, nitwit!
1161
01:01:09,374 --> 01:01:10,591
( beep )
1162
01:01:14,921 --> 01:01:17,094
Well, maybe
it was just a pot pie.
1163
01:01:17,257 --> 01:01:18,884
( explosion )
1164
01:01:34,649 --> 01:01:35,901
I guess not.
1165
01:01:36,067 --> 01:01:39,071
I tried to stop him, man.
I'm sorry.
1166
01:01:39,237 --> 01:01:41,114
Hey, hey.
1167
01:01:41,281 --> 01:01:43,500
Hey, who did this to you?
1168
01:01:43,658 --> 01:01:45,535
These two guys
in real long cowboy coats
1169
01:01:45,702 --> 01:01:47,124
and real nice suits.
1170
01:01:47,287 --> 01:01:48,459
I think Armani.
1171
01:01:48,622 --> 01:01:50,499
They were goin' through your stuff
with screwdrivers and shit, man.
1172
01:01:50,665 --> 01:01:51,882
I did what you would've done.
1173
01:01:52,042 --> 01:01:54,090
Yeah, run to the nearest phone
and call the cops.
1174
01:01:54,252 --> 01:01:56,471
Fuck that.
I mean, the heck with that.
1175
01:01:56,630 --> 01:01:58,428
I kicked their ass.
I tried.
1176
01:01:58,590 --> 01:01:59,887
There were two of 'em,
you know.
1177
01:02:00,050 --> 01:02:02,303
All right.
Let's go to the hospital.
1178
01:02:02,469 --> 01:02:05,348
- I tried to help you.
- Hey, I appreciate it.
1179
01:02:05,513 --> 01:02:08,232
Hey, where's my dad?
Have you even looked for him yet?
1180
01:02:08,391 --> 01:02:10,940
- I've got some leads.
- You're a liar, man.
1181
01:02:11,102 --> 01:02:14,072
You don't care.
You don't care about nothin'.
1182
01:02:15,982 --> 01:02:17,984
Wh-where're you goin'?
1183
01:02:18,151 --> 01:02:20,074
Oh, he seems nice.
1184
01:02:20,237 --> 01:02:23,457
Shut up.
Just... just shut up.
1185
01:02:30,830 --> 01:02:33,504
Ford?
Bad news.
1186
01:02:33,667 --> 01:02:35,214
I chipped a nail.
1187
01:02:35,377 --> 01:02:38,802
Hey, the boys in the garage
brought my baby back.
1188
01:02:38,964 --> 01:02:40,466
- ( beeps )
- ( explosion )
1189
01:02:40,632 --> 01:02:41,804
- Whoa!
- Oh, my God!
1190
01:02:43,718 --> 01:02:46,312
( big rig horn honking )
1191
01:02:50,725 --> 01:02:53,353
Why the music industry?
1192
01:02:53,520 --> 01:02:57,491
Why not "Ford Fairlane,
the Fisherman's Detective," huh?
1193
01:02:57,649 --> 01:02:59,993
Wouldn't that be great?
How tough could the cases be?
1194
01:03:00,151 --> 01:03:04,156
"Hey, Ford. Somebody switched
the lures in my fuckin' tackle box."
1195
01:03:04,322 --> 01:03:07,451
"Hey, Ford.
Somebody sabotaged my bait."
1196
01:03:08,868 --> 01:03:10,165
- Okay. Here comes...
- All right.
1197
01:03:13,039 --> 01:03:14,791
- All right.
- Ah, ha-ha!
1198
01:03:14,958 --> 01:03:17,677
- Hey. You need a lift?
- Both: Yeah.
1199
01:03:18,962 --> 01:03:20,054
- ( tires squealing )
- Together: Fuck you!
1200
01:03:20,213 --> 01:03:21,430
- ( laughing )
- Motherfucker!
1201
01:03:21,589 --> 01:03:23,091
( tires screeching )
1202
01:03:23,258 --> 01:03:25,181
Hi, private-eye guy!
1203
01:03:25,343 --> 01:03:27,516
Remember me, Melodi?
1204
01:03:33,059 --> 01:03:36,063
Ugh, wow.
Hiding out from cold-blooded killers.
1205
01:03:36,229 --> 01:03:38,903
- ( girls giggling )
- The sisters are going to die.
1206
01:03:43,153 --> 01:03:44,575
♪ Yeah ♪
1207
01:03:44,738 --> 01:03:47,912
♪ Rock the cradle of love ♪
1208
01:03:48,074 --> 01:03:49,417
♪ Rock the cradle
of love... ♪
1209
01:03:49,576 --> 01:03:51,078
So, this is my sorority.
1210
01:03:51,244 --> 01:03:53,292
I think you'll
really like the girls.
1211
01:03:53,455 --> 01:03:56,584
♪ Don't rock easily,
it's true ♪
1212
01:03:56,750 --> 01:04:00,755
♪ Well, rock the cradle of love ♪
1213
01:04:00,920 --> 01:04:03,639
♪ I rocked the cradle of love ♪
1214
01:04:03,798 --> 01:04:06,051
♪ Yes, the cradle of love ♪
1215
01:04:06,217 --> 01:04:09,767
♪ Don't rock easily,
it's true ♪
1216
01:04:09,929 --> 01:04:11,602
♪ Well, now ♪
1217
01:04:11,765 --> 01:04:14,609
♪ It burned like
a ball on fire ♪
1218
01:04:14,768 --> 01:04:16,896
♪ When the rebel
took a little child bride ♪
1219
01:04:17,062 --> 01:04:19,611
♪ To tease, yeah ♪
1220
01:04:19,773 --> 01:04:22,947
♪ So go easy, yeah ♪
1221
01:04:23,109 --> 01:04:24,861
♪ Ow ♪
1222
01:04:25,028 --> 01:04:27,747
♪ 'Cause love cuts
a million ways ♪
1223
01:04:27,906 --> 01:04:31,080
♪ Shakes that devil
when he misbehaves ♪
1224
01:04:31,242 --> 01:04:33,290
♪ I ain't nobody's fool ♪
1225
01:04:33,453 --> 01:04:35,672
♪ Oh, shake it up ♪
1226
01:04:35,830 --> 01:04:38,003
♪ Whatever I do, ow! ♪
1227
01:04:38,166 --> 01:04:40,134
♪ Rock the cradle of love... ♪
1228
01:04:40,293 --> 01:04:41,886
Hey, troops.
1229
01:04:42,045 --> 01:04:44,218
Here's that rock 'n' roll detective
I told you about.
1230
01:04:44,381 --> 01:04:45,724
( music stops )
1231
01:04:48,468 --> 01:04:50,311
Oh!
1232
01:04:50,470 --> 01:04:51,642
Hi.
1233
01:04:51,805 --> 01:04:54,308
( stammers )
1234
01:04:54,474 --> 01:04:56,602
Maybe I did die
in the explosion, you know?
1235
01:04:56,768 --> 01:04:58,441
( phone ringing )
1236
01:05:00,480 --> 01:05:02,653
- Ford Fairlane.
- Hey, Jazz.
1237
01:05:02,816 --> 01:05:03,908
Ford?
1238
01:05:04,067 --> 01:05:07,162
You would not believe
what I went through today.
1239
01:05:07,320 --> 01:05:09,789
Colleen's thugs tried to kill me.
You believe that?
1240
01:05:09,948 --> 01:05:13,418
They left her hat
as a goodbye kiss. You know?
1241
01:05:13,576 --> 01:05:16,955
I'm calling from the
Ai Eta Pi sorority house, huh?
1242
01:05:17,122 --> 01:05:18,248
Mm, mmm.
1243
01:05:18,415 --> 01:05:20,133
They blew up my house,
my car...
1244
01:05:20,291 --> 01:05:21,463
And let me tell you something.
1245
01:05:21,626 --> 01:05:23,469
My koala bear is not in
such great shape either.
1246
01:05:23,628 --> 01:05:25,596
- You know?
- That's too bad.
1247
01:05:25,755 --> 01:05:27,928
"That's too bad."
"That's too bad," she tells me.
1248
01:05:28,091 --> 01:05:29,809
"That's too bad."
That's all you can say?
1249
01:05:29,968 --> 01:05:33,017
Yes, Ford.
1250
01:05:33,179 --> 01:05:35,352
- That's about all I can say.
- All right, well, look.
1251
01:05:35,515 --> 01:05:37,517
Stop playing games over there
and come here.
1252
01:05:37,684 --> 01:05:40,312
- I gotta see you.
- ( receiver clicks, dial tone drones )
1253
01:05:40,478 --> 01:05:43,106
So anyway,
Springsteen says to Madonna,
1254
01:05:43,273 --> 01:05:44,820
"Who could fuck in this weather?"
1255
01:05:44,983 --> 01:05:47,031
- Oh!
- ( laughter )
1256
01:05:47,193 --> 01:05:48,866
Does Van Halen sleep in the nude?
1257
01:05:49,028 --> 01:05:50,780
Does Debbie Gibson
sleep with Van Halen?
1258
01:05:50,947 --> 01:05:53,541
- Rub my neck, huh?
- Is Sting really an asshole?
1259
01:05:53,700 --> 01:05:56,419
If Axl Rose was reincarnated
as a black woman,
1260
01:05:56,578 --> 01:05:58,797
would it be Jody Watley
or Aretha?
1261
01:05:58,955 --> 01:06:01,333
Sisters, sisters,
would you chill out?
1262
01:06:01,499 --> 01:06:03,718
Give Ford a break.
1263
01:06:03,877 --> 01:06:06,721
What do you say we induct him
as an honorary member?
1264
01:06:06,880 --> 01:06:08,723
All: Yeah!
1265
01:06:11,050 --> 01:06:12,893
If either one of you
ever has a son,
1266
01:06:13,052 --> 01:06:15,350
I hope his dog dies.
1267
01:06:19,225 --> 01:06:21,398
You really
shouldn't have said that.
1268
01:06:21,561 --> 01:06:23,029
Yeah, it's a tough business.
1269
01:06:23,188 --> 01:06:24,531
( both laugh )
1270
01:06:25,732 --> 01:06:26,984
- Bye-bye.
- See ya.
1271
01:06:27,150 --> 01:06:30,199
Together:
One and two...
1272
01:06:30,361 --> 01:06:31,863
Three.
1273
01:06:35,867 --> 01:06:38,165
( both laugh, whoop )
1274
01:06:38,328 --> 01:06:43,550
All: Quantus, Jujube, Salcedo,
Ford Fairlane.
1275
01:06:43,708 --> 01:06:49,090
Quantus, Jujube, Salcedo,
Ford Fairlane.
1276
01:06:49,255 --> 01:06:54,762
Quantus, Jujube,
Salcedo, Ford Fairlane.
1277
01:06:54,928 --> 01:06:59,229
Quantus, Jujube, Salcedo,
Ford Fairlane.
1278
01:06:59,390 --> 01:07:04,066
Quantus, Jujube,
Salcedo, Ford Fairlane.
1279
01:07:04,229 --> 01:07:09,451
Quantus, Jujube, Salcedo,
Ford Fairlane.
1280
01:07:09,609 --> 01:07:14,240
Quantus, Jujube,
Salcedo, Ford Fairlane.
1281
01:07:14,405 --> 01:07:19,161
Quantus, Jujube, Salcedo,
Ford Fairlane.
1282
01:07:19,327 --> 01:07:23,582
Quantus, Jujube,
Salcedo, Ford Fairlane.
1283
01:07:23,748 --> 01:07:26,547
Everybody blow!
1284
01:07:26,709 --> 01:07:28,757
- What happened?
- Hey, where are you going?
1285
01:07:32,799 --> 01:07:34,221
Move!
1286
01:07:53,903 --> 01:07:56,122
- Ah!
- Oh, God! My bike!
1287
01:08:00,326 --> 01:08:02,203
- Hey!
- Come on!
1288
01:08:02,370 --> 01:08:04,543
- Oh, shit!
- Jeez!
1289
01:08:06,833 --> 01:08:09,256
Come on.
It's cut-our-losses time, man.
1290
01:08:15,717 --> 01:08:18,311
( explosion )
1291
01:08:18,469 --> 01:08:20,267
Fraternity member:
Oh, man, look at that!
1292
01:08:20,430 --> 01:08:22,478
God damn!
1293
01:08:29,188 --> 01:08:31,816
Dudes, they executed my Vette.
1294
01:08:38,448 --> 01:08:41,167
Need a... lift?
1295
01:08:41,326 --> 01:08:43,545
- ( chuckles )
- ( Jazz moaning )
1296
01:08:43,703 --> 01:08:45,171
Jazz!
1297
01:08:49,250 --> 01:08:51,719
- What happened?
- Why do you have to have
1298
01:08:51,878 --> 01:08:54,176
an office on the second floor?
1299
01:08:55,965 --> 01:08:58,138
- I came to warn you.
- I'll fuckin' kill them.
1300
01:08:58,301 --> 01:09:00,269
- Are you okay, huh?
- Yes.
1301
01:09:00,428 --> 01:09:01,850
You all right?
1302
01:09:02,013 --> 01:09:03,515
They tried to get this
worthless CD from me,
1303
01:09:03,681 --> 01:09:05,979
but I had it hidden
in a special place.
1304
01:09:06,142 --> 01:09:08,486
Once again,
I came through.
1305
01:09:08,645 --> 01:09:11,865
- Damn red-numbered bullshit CD.
- Look, look, I have one.
1306
01:09:12,023 --> 01:09:15,027
Bobby gave it to me
the night that he passed away.
1307
01:09:15,193 --> 01:09:17,366
It's... it's good.
It's really avant-garde.
1308
01:09:17,528 --> 01:09:20,407
You know, you can dance to it.
Does yours go like...
1309
01:09:20,573 --> 01:09:23,167
( buzzing, screeching )
1310
01:09:24,702 --> 01:09:26,170
Zuzu?
1311
01:09:26,329 --> 01:09:28,047
Yeah, right. Birdbrain?
Shut up, would you, please?
1312
01:09:28,206 --> 01:09:30,880
Melodi, I want you to take Jazz
to the hospital, okay?
1313
01:09:31,042 --> 01:09:32,919
Jazz: Wait a second.
I wanna see if this one's
1314
01:09:33,086 --> 01:09:35,088
better than the last one.
1315
01:09:35,254 --> 01:09:37,427
Hey, look. I don't need no CD
to tell me Colleen Sutton's
1316
01:09:37,590 --> 01:09:38,933
behind this whole thing,
all right?
1317
01:09:39,092 --> 01:09:40,309
- Let's go.
- Come on.
1318
01:09:40,468 --> 01:09:41,936
I'll be at Julie Grendel's.
1319
01:09:42,095 --> 01:09:43,642
I wanna see if he knows
what a whore thief
1320
01:09:43,805 --> 01:09:45,432
his ex-piece-of-shit wife is.
1321
01:09:45,598 --> 01:09:47,726
Come on, move.
Come on, would you, please?
1322
01:09:47,892 --> 01:09:48,939
Stupid!
1323
01:09:49,102 --> 01:09:52,197
Why have you
come to my planet, huh?
1324
01:09:52,355 --> 01:09:54,449
You're pure scum.
1325
01:09:54,607 --> 01:09:55,779
( laughs )
1326
01:09:55,942 --> 01:09:58,240
- Colleen, you're a drag.
- ( door opens )
1327
01:10:00,029 --> 01:10:03,124
Julie, baby!
What's goin' on, huh?
1328
01:10:03,282 --> 01:10:05,284
Queen Colleen.
1329
01:10:05,451 --> 01:10:08,921
You're here just in time
to see me do what I refer to
1330
01:10:09,080 --> 01:10:10,297
as solving the case.
1331
01:10:10,456 --> 01:10:12,675
It's cute.
I think you'll like it.
1332
01:10:12,834 --> 01:10:16,213
Colleen here's been ripping off
her ex-husband here's company.
1333
01:10:16,379 --> 01:10:19,804
And she's been murdering
to keep it a secret.
1334
01:10:19,966 --> 01:10:21,809
That's a pretty nifty theory.
1335
01:10:26,264 --> 01:10:27,607
Colleen!
1336
01:10:28,933 --> 01:10:30,606
Colleen.
1337
01:10:30,768 --> 01:10:32,816
- Uh-uh, wait. My purse!
- Nice purse.
1338
01:10:32,979 --> 01:10:35,653
- Ar...
- Aardvarks?
1339
01:10:35,815 --> 01:10:37,943
Julian's smuggling aardvarks
into the country?
1340
01:10:38,109 --> 01:10:40,862
Art...
1341
01:10:41,028 --> 01:10:42,405
Artichokes?
1342
01:10:42,572 --> 01:10:44,870
Art... Mooney...
1343
01:10:45,032 --> 01:10:46,659
stupid!
1344
01:10:46,826 --> 01:10:48,328
( thud )
1345
01:10:48,494 --> 01:10:50,838
Thanks.
I needed that.
1346
01:10:50,997 --> 01:10:52,294
( screams )
1347
01:10:53,499 --> 01:10:57,174
You sick,
confusing motherfuckers.
1348
01:10:58,671 --> 01:10:59,968
Gimme the three discs, Ford.
1349
01:11:00,131 --> 01:11:01,678
- ( beep )
- Bobby's,
1350
01:11:01,841 --> 01:11:03,969
Colleen's and Johnny's.
1351
01:11:04,135 --> 01:11:07,355
Three CDs?
Shit.
1352
01:11:07,513 --> 01:11:09,641
Just start torturing me, man.
1353
01:11:09,807 --> 01:11:12,151
I didn't even know
Johnny had a disc.
1354
01:11:12,310 --> 01:11:15,029
I'm not in the mood
for any of that, uh,
1355
01:11:15,188 --> 01:11:18,192
"Don't play games with me,
Mr. Fairlane" bullshit.
1356
01:11:18,357 --> 01:11:21,327
Don't play games with me, Mr...
1357
01:11:21,486 --> 01:11:23,739
Did you say
you don't have the d...?
1358
01:11:23,905 --> 01:11:26,158
( laughs )
Torture you?
1359
01:11:28,451 --> 01:11:31,000
I'm not gonna torture you, Ford.
1360
01:11:31,162 --> 01:11:34,541
Not her, Ford,
but your best friend.
1361
01:11:34,707 --> 01:11:37,506
A 1962 Fender Stratocaster
1362
01:11:37,668 --> 01:11:40,137
with original pickups
and maple neck
1363
01:11:40,296 --> 01:11:44,221
and strung upside down
for a left-handed genius Jimi Hendrix.
1364
01:11:45,551 --> 01:11:47,974
- That's something else entirely.
- No!
1365
01:11:48,137 --> 01:11:49,559
Ugh!
1366
01:11:49,722 --> 01:11:53,226
Yeah, that's the same sound your
koala bear made when we hung it.
1367
01:11:53,392 --> 01:11:55,645
Don't you guys think this guitar
would look a lot better
1368
01:11:55,812 --> 01:11:57,189
with Ford's name carved in it?
1369
01:11:57,355 --> 01:11:59,073
Ah, come on!
1370
01:11:59,232 --> 01:12:02,702
- Thug: Yeah.
- ( Ford grunting )
1371
01:12:02,860 --> 01:12:04,612
Rape!
1372
01:12:04,779 --> 01:12:06,577
- Come on!
- Fuck.
1373
01:12:06,739 --> 01:12:08,867
Okay. Okay. Ugh!
1374
01:12:09,033 --> 01:12:10,660
( drill motor revving )
1375
01:12:10,827 --> 01:12:13,250
Okay. Okay!
1376
01:12:13,412 --> 01:12:15,915
Oh, you guys are tough.
1377
01:12:16,082 --> 01:12:18,585
Okay, you got me.
1378
01:12:18,751 --> 01:12:21,425
All right, I got your discs,
asshole.
1379
01:12:21,587 --> 01:12:24,966
They're in a very safe place
with instructions
1380
01:12:25,132 --> 01:12:28,011
that they be sent
directly to the police
1381
01:12:28,177 --> 01:12:31,306
if I don't make the call
by 7:00.
1382
01:12:31,472 --> 01:12:33,895
So, if you'll excuse us...
1383
01:12:34,058 --> 01:12:35,731
Well, it's 7:30, Ford.
1384
01:12:35,893 --> 01:12:38,316
You really should get a watch.
1385
01:12:38,479 --> 01:12:39,571
( laughs )
1386
01:12:39,730 --> 01:12:41,949
Ford, Ford, Ford.
1387
01:12:42,108 --> 01:12:45,078
How 'bout a last drink?
I'm running a little late.
1388
01:12:46,404 --> 01:12:48,281
We're giving a party tonight
at the club
1389
01:12:48,447 --> 01:12:50,791
to introduce Kyle Troy
to the world.
1390
01:12:50,950 --> 01:12:52,372
Everyone in the industry's
gonna be there,
1391
01:12:52,535 --> 01:12:54,663
including our friend
Don Cleveland.
1392
01:12:54,829 --> 01:12:56,422
Oh, yeah?
What about Don?
1393
01:12:56,581 --> 01:12:58,754
Well, before Kyle Troy
does his first set,
1394
01:12:58,916 --> 01:13:01,294
Don will have
his head blown off.
1395
01:13:01,460 --> 01:13:03,383
Next week,
the newspapers will reveal
1396
01:13:03,546 --> 01:13:07,346
that Don was partners with
Bobby, Collie, and Johnny
1397
01:13:07,508 --> 01:13:09,761
in the Grendel Records scam.
1398
01:13:09,927 --> 01:13:12,396
And he killed 'em to pay off
some debt to the...
1399
01:13:12,555 --> 01:13:15,354
to the mob
or something lame like that.
1400
01:13:15,516 --> 01:13:17,314
And then he got iced.
1401
01:13:17,476 --> 01:13:19,478
It's a lot more tasteful
than it sounds.
1402
01:13:19,645 --> 01:13:20,817
You know,
1403
01:13:20,980 --> 01:13:23,608
I cannot believe that you guys
1404
01:13:23,774 --> 01:13:25,868
actually hung a koala bear.
1405
01:13:26,027 --> 01:13:28,405
I mean, that is just so graphic.
1406
01:13:28,571 --> 01:13:30,323
You know,
I am still in shock here.
1407
01:13:30,489 --> 01:13:32,992
- Is she for real?
- Yeah, I'm afraid so.
1408
01:13:33,159 --> 01:13:35,253
- You want her?
- ...but that was just a dream.
1409
01:13:35,411 --> 01:13:38,460
- I don't think it counts...
- All: Shut up!
1410
01:13:38,623 --> 01:13:40,045
( sighs )
1411
01:13:40,207 --> 01:13:42,380
You know, Julie,
you're the goods.
1412
01:13:42,543 --> 01:13:44,466
And even though
I might be a little perturbed
1413
01:13:44,629 --> 01:13:47,849
you're gonna kill me and all,
I gotta salute your toughness.
1414
01:13:48,007 --> 01:13:49,509
Julian Grendel,
1415
01:13:49,675 --> 01:13:52,645
guys like you
do grow on trees.
1416
01:13:52,803 --> 01:13:54,555
Here's to you, buddy...
1417
01:13:54,722 --> 01:13:57,475
suckin' my dick.
1418
01:13:57,642 --> 01:13:58,768
( grunting )
1419
01:13:58,935 --> 01:14:00,858
Take a free shot, boss!
1420
01:14:02,688 --> 01:14:04,440
Sure.
1421
01:14:06,817 --> 01:14:09,821
- Ugh!
- ( all laughing )
1422
01:14:09,987 --> 01:14:11,534
Ugh! Oh!
1423
01:14:11,697 --> 01:14:13,995
Moron.
1424
01:14:14,158 --> 01:14:17,037
- Zuzu? Zuzu?
- ( moaning )
1425
01:14:17,203 --> 01:14:18,204
You okay?
1426
01:14:18,371 --> 01:14:20,373
Oh, another trick question, right?
1427
01:14:20,539 --> 01:14:22,086
Open the window.
1428
01:14:28,422 --> 01:14:29,844
Shit!
1429
01:14:31,342 --> 01:14:33,094
- Hello?
- When I say "now,"
1430
01:14:33,260 --> 01:14:35,183
you run for the door, okay?
1431
01:14:35,346 --> 01:14:37,189
( groaning )
1432
01:14:44,230 --> 01:14:46,699
Kill him...
1433
01:14:46,857 --> 01:14:49,406
but not quickly.
1434
01:14:49,568 --> 01:14:50,785
Ciao, Ford.
1435
01:14:50,945 --> 01:14:52,413
( cocks gun )
1436
01:14:54,490 --> 01:14:57,869
Ford: Anybody else in this situation
would shit a Miata.
1437
01:14:58,035 --> 01:14:59,457
But I had a plan.
1438
01:14:59,620 --> 01:15:00,712
Ugh!
1439
01:15:00,871 --> 01:15:02,714
Not the greatest plan, but, hey,
1440
01:15:02,873 --> 01:15:06,343
the old "gum on the earring
in the socket" trick never failed me.
1441
01:15:06,502 --> 01:15:08,675
I'd never even tried it.
1442
01:15:08,838 --> 01:15:10,055
Now!
1443
01:15:10,214 --> 01:15:11,966
Ugh!
1444
01:15:22,101 --> 01:15:24,820
- Out this way.
- No. This way.
1445
01:15:24,979 --> 01:15:26,947
Ford:
I'd blown the case wide open.
1446
01:15:27,106 --> 01:15:28,653
It's too bad
that my clients were dead
1447
01:15:28,816 --> 01:15:31,365
and that I had no actual proof
against Grendel.
1448
01:15:34,613 --> 01:15:37,082
And now I'm on top
of the Capitol Records building?
1449
01:15:37,241 --> 01:15:40,120
So much for climbin' down
the fire escape shit.
1450
01:15:40,286 --> 01:15:41,959
Johnny and Colleen
were lucky to be dead,
1451
01:15:42,121 --> 01:15:44,965
barkin' together in that
big chuck wagon in the sky.
1452
01:15:45,124 --> 01:15:47,047
At least they know
who the fuck Art Mooney was.
1453
01:15:47,209 --> 01:15:49,928
I'm losin' my mind!
1454
01:15:50,087 --> 01:15:52,556
Top of the world, Ma!
1455
01:15:52,715 --> 01:15:54,592
( gasps )
I left my purse.
1456
01:15:54,759 --> 01:15:55,760
- I...
- Fuck the purse!
1457
01:15:55,926 --> 01:15:57,394
We're gonna die!
1458
01:16:04,477 --> 01:16:06,104
And you say
I never take you anywhere.
1459
01:16:06,270 --> 01:16:07,817
Ah, shit!
1460
01:16:10,983 --> 01:16:12,075
( gasps )
1461
01:16:12,234 --> 01:16:14,236
There is something
so wrong with you.
1462
01:16:14,403 --> 01:16:16,906
Come on! Come on.
1463
01:16:17,073 --> 01:16:19,371
- ( gasps )
- Go ahead. Come on, you can do it.
1464
01:16:20,993 --> 01:16:22,290
- Ugh.
- You all right?
1465
01:16:22,453 --> 01:16:23,830
- ( gasps )
- Come on.
1466
01:16:23,996 --> 01:16:25,873
It's all right.
If you fall, I'll make it.
1467
01:16:26,040 --> 01:16:28,338
Ah! Okay.
1468
01:16:28,501 --> 01:16:29,923
All right.
1469
01:16:32,338 --> 01:16:35,558
- Move, stupid!
- I made it. Okay?
1470
01:16:53,859 --> 01:16:55,486
Ah!
1471
01:16:55,653 --> 01:16:57,451
- Um, um... here.
- Help.
1472
01:16:59,990 --> 01:17:02,493
- ( gun fires )
- Ah! Oops!
1473
01:17:05,496 --> 01:17:08,375
The building is a symbol
of the music industry,
1474
01:17:08,541 --> 01:17:10,885
a business where anything can happen.
1475
01:17:11,043 --> 01:17:12,590
( crowd screams )
1476
01:17:12,753 --> 01:17:14,630
And usually does.
1477
01:17:14,797 --> 01:17:17,050
Oops.
1478
01:17:17,216 --> 01:17:21,141
- Bull's-eye.
- Oh, ick, ick.
1479
01:17:21,303 --> 01:17:22,680
- What'd you throw the gun away for?
- Ew.
1480
01:17:22,847 --> 01:17:25,896
- It was just all...
- Come on.
1481
01:17:26,058 --> 01:17:27,355
Okay.
1482
01:17:32,356 --> 01:17:34,734
- ( gasps )
- Hello, hello.
1483
01:17:34,900 --> 01:17:37,449
Oh! Oh, my... ah!
1484
01:17:37,611 --> 01:17:39,113
Ford, help!
1485
01:17:39,280 --> 01:17:40,827
- ( laughing )
- Zuzu: Ah!
1486
01:17:40,990 --> 01:17:43,709
( screams )
1487
01:17:47,371 --> 01:17:49,089
( grunting )
1488
01:17:49,248 --> 01:17:51,467
Hello, hello, fuckface!
1489
01:17:51,625 --> 01:17:54,720
- Ugh! Ah!
- Ugh!
1490
01:17:59,258 --> 01:18:02,182
You mother...
1491
01:18:02,344 --> 01:18:04,722
- Ugh!
- Whoa!
1492
01:18:08,767 --> 01:18:10,440
Yabba-dabba doo!
1493
01:18:10,603 --> 01:18:11,855
- Zuzu: What?
- Ford: The ring.
1494
01:18:12,021 --> 01:18:13,489
- What about the ring?
- The kid!
1495
01:18:13,647 --> 01:18:15,866
- It's the kid's father. I can't.
- Who do you think you are, Ford?
1496
01:18:16,025 --> 01:18:18,869
The tooth fairy?
Kill! Kill! Kill!
1497
01:18:19,028 --> 01:18:20,746
It's a long story.
You know the kid?
1498
01:18:20,905 --> 01:18:22,031
What little kid?
Oh, the kid.
1499
01:18:22,198 --> 01:18:23,415
With the ring.
The Flintstone thing.
1500
01:18:23,574 --> 01:18:25,372
- The nice one?
- Yeah, the nice kid I hang with.
1501
01:18:25,534 --> 01:18:27,081
Ah!
1502
01:18:27,244 --> 01:18:30,874
( screaming )
1503
01:18:35,294 --> 01:18:37,171
My hair.
My hair.
1504
01:18:37,338 --> 01:18:38,681
Ah!
1505
01:18:38,839 --> 01:18:42,139
No! Stop!
1506
01:18:42,301 --> 01:18:43,518
( grunting )
1507
01:18:45,304 --> 01:18:48,308
- ( yelling )
- ( screaming )
1508
01:18:53,145 --> 01:18:54,692
- Hey, Zuzu?
- Huh?
1509
01:18:54,855 --> 01:18:57,074
Don't worry.
I'll... I'll work it out.
1510
01:18:57,233 --> 01:18:58,450
Okay.
1511
01:18:59,777 --> 01:19:03,077
Excuse me
while I kiss the sky!
1512
01:19:03,239 --> 01:19:05,412
Hey, Zuzu,
I found my guitar!
1513
01:19:06,617 --> 01:19:09,245
( sobbing )
I found my guitar!
1514
01:19:09,411 --> 01:19:11,084
It's all scratched up.
1515
01:19:12,831 --> 01:19:15,004
It's all scratched up, Zuzu!
1516
01:19:15,167 --> 01:19:17,386
Ford?
I'll take her with me!
1517
01:19:17,544 --> 01:19:18,716
I swear I will!
1518
01:19:18,879 --> 01:19:22,634
Ugh! You're tearin' me apart!
1519
01:19:25,678 --> 01:19:27,305
I'm sorry, Jimi.
1520
01:19:30,307 --> 01:19:32,480
Ah!
1521
01:19:41,944 --> 01:19:44,322
Say hello to Liberace, asshole.
1522
01:19:44,488 --> 01:19:46,206
Come on.
1523
01:19:46,365 --> 01:19:48,333
Come on.
Come on, you can do it.
1524
01:19:49,702 --> 01:19:51,875
Come on.
1525
01:19:52,037 --> 01:19:53,960
Ugh.
Okay, okay.
1526
01:19:56,875 --> 01:19:58,218
Thanks.
1527
01:19:58,377 --> 01:19:59,594
'Cause, well, I mean,
1528
01:19:59,753 --> 01:20:02,927
I know how much
that thang meant to you.
1529
01:20:08,095 --> 01:20:10,143
Well, hello, Mr. Tongue.
1530
01:20:10,306 --> 01:20:12,559
What a perv.
1531
01:20:12,725 --> 01:20:14,318
Yeah. You wish.
1532
01:20:24,903 --> 01:20:27,076
- Don't look down.
- Okay.
1533
01:20:27,239 --> 01:20:28,411
Excuse me.
1534
01:20:30,576 --> 01:20:32,374
Could you tell us how to get
to Mann's Chinese Theatre?
1535
01:20:32,536 --> 01:20:34,379
Go back to Michigan, asswipe.
1536
01:20:34,538 --> 01:20:36,256
No, we're from Wisconsin.
1537
01:20:36,415 --> 01:20:37,962
Yeah, and I'm
from my dad's penis.
1538
01:20:38,125 --> 01:20:39,547
Get outta here.
1539
01:20:39,710 --> 01:20:41,587
( horn honks )
1540
01:20:45,549 --> 01:20:46,596
How'd it go?
1541
01:20:46,759 --> 01:20:48,181
Did you get more proof
against Colleen?
1542
01:20:48,344 --> 01:20:50,267
Colleen's innocent.
1543
01:20:50,429 --> 01:20:51,931
And dead.
1544
01:20:52,097 --> 01:20:54,475
Well, I figured something out.
1545
01:20:54,641 --> 01:20:56,643
These binary discs?
1546
01:20:56,810 --> 01:20:59,313
They've got hidden bits
that can be revealed
1547
01:20:59,480 --> 01:21:03,201
when interfacing
with a third CD.
1548
01:21:03,359 --> 01:21:05,657
Oh, Ford.
Look how cute.
1549
01:21:05,819 --> 01:21:08,572
Your friend's got his own star.
1550
01:21:10,449 --> 01:21:12,793
What friend?
1551
01:21:12,951 --> 01:21:15,045
You know, that Art guy.
1552
01:21:17,289 --> 01:21:18,791
Art.
1553
01:21:18,957 --> 01:21:20,925
Art Mooney!
1554
01:21:21,085 --> 01:21:23,588
Art. Art, baby.
1555
01:21:23,754 --> 01:21:25,882
Art! Art!
1556
01:21:26,048 --> 01:21:27,265
( laughs )
1557
01:21:28,759 --> 01:21:31,433
Art, baby.
Third CD, anyone, huh?
1558
01:21:31,595 --> 01:21:32,687
( music playing )
1559
01:21:32,846 --> 01:21:35,474
♪ I don't need no funky attitude ♪
1560
01:21:39,770 --> 01:21:42,319
♪ You spend so much time ♪
1561
01:21:42,481 --> 01:21:44,779
♪ Trying to be rude ♪
1562
01:21:44,942 --> 01:21:47,991
♪ Why the funky attitude? ♪
1563
01:21:48,153 --> 01:21:49,325
♪ Oh, no ♪
1564
01:21:49,488 --> 01:21:51,991
♪ I don't care
how you're feeling ♪
1565
01:21:52,157 --> 01:21:53,454
♪ I don't need no funky attitude... ♪
1566
01:21:53,617 --> 01:21:55,085
- Hello.
- Hi.
1567
01:21:55,244 --> 01:21:56,291
Hey.
1568
01:21:56,453 --> 01:21:58,171
♪ It ain't cool ♪
1569
01:21:58,330 --> 01:22:00,503
♪ I don't mind
if you're trippin'... ♪
1570
01:22:00,666 --> 01:22:03,260
Julie!
You sure know how it's done.
1571
01:22:03,419 --> 01:22:04,841
Thank you, Don.
Uh, could I...
1572
01:22:05,003 --> 01:22:07,256
could I talk to you
in private a moment?
1573
01:22:22,563 --> 01:22:23,815
B-I-N-G-O
1574
01:22:23,981 --> 01:22:26,985
and Bingo was his name-o.
1575
01:22:27,151 --> 01:22:28,778
Excuse me, but all I see
1576
01:22:28,944 --> 01:22:31,288
is a condom factory in
Johannesburg, South Africa.
1577
01:22:31,447 --> 01:22:32,664
Now what...
1578
01:22:32,823 --> 01:22:35,667
I believe the word
you're looking for is "proof."
1579
01:22:35,826 --> 01:22:38,454
It's a front for a pirate
disc operation.
1580
01:22:39,872 --> 01:22:43,126
Grendel's secretly counterfeiting
his own company stock.
1581
01:22:43,292 --> 01:22:47,513
We're dealin' with
a very sick puppy here.
1582
01:22:47,671 --> 01:22:50,845
Oh, my God.
The door's locked.
1583
01:22:51,008 --> 01:22:53,386
- We're gonna have to crawl down.
- No.
1584
01:22:53,552 --> 01:22:55,600
I knew it.
I knew it.
1585
01:22:58,390 --> 01:22:59,733
Psych.
1586
01:23:01,727 --> 01:23:03,104
Moron.
1587
01:23:04,855 --> 01:23:07,574
Julian: What can I say, Don?
You're a great producer.
1588
01:23:07,733 --> 01:23:10,407
You're a great friend.
1589
01:23:10,569 --> 01:23:11,912
I'm gonna miss you.
1590
01:23:13,572 --> 01:23:16,542
What can I tell you?
It's business.
1591
01:23:16,700 --> 01:23:19,829
With friends like you,
who needs "enemas"?
1592
01:23:19,995 --> 01:23:22,748
Dump the body in,
shall we say,
1593
01:23:22,915 --> 01:23:24,258
Chinatown.
1594
01:23:33,217 --> 01:23:34,469
Ah!
1595
01:23:34,635 --> 01:23:35,807
( tires screech )
1596
01:23:43,060 --> 01:23:44,607
Ford:
Hey, Don.
1597
01:23:45,938 --> 01:23:47,656
How's the high blood pressure?
1598
01:23:47,814 --> 01:23:49,782
Nothin' like waitin'
until the last minute, Ford.
1599
01:23:49,942 --> 01:23:52,912
Can somebody tell me
what the fuck is going on, like, slowly?
1600
01:23:53,070 --> 01:23:56,870
You see, it all started
1601
01:23:57,032 --> 01:23:59,501
with this condom factory...
1602
01:23:59,660 --> 01:24:01,708
I'll write you a letter.
Come on.
1603
01:24:04,706 --> 01:24:06,083
All right.
1604
01:24:06,250 --> 01:24:08,173
You threw me
through a plate-glass window.
1605
01:24:08,335 --> 01:24:10,008
And I just hit you with my car.
1606
01:24:10,170 --> 01:24:12,264
So, I think that made
for a fair fight, huh?
1607
01:24:12,422 --> 01:24:14,800
Ugh!
Maybe not.
1608
01:24:14,967 --> 01:24:17,390
( girls cheering )
1609
01:24:17,553 --> 01:24:18,930
The truth is,
1610
01:24:19,096 --> 01:24:21,190
there's a lot of love
in this room tonight.
1611
01:24:31,275 --> 01:24:33,152
But I, uh...
1612
01:24:33,318 --> 01:24:35,070
I've, uh... I've...
I've talked long enough.
1613
01:24:35,237 --> 01:24:36,284
( crowd moans )
1614
01:24:36,446 --> 01:24:38,448
And now the moment
you've all been waiting for.
1615
01:24:38,615 --> 01:24:40,959
I'd like you to meet
the voice of the '90s.
1616
01:24:41,118 --> 01:24:42,335
( cheering )
1617
01:24:42,494 --> 01:24:45,293
Ladies and gentlemen,
Kyle Troy.
1618
01:24:45,455 --> 01:24:47,799
- ( cheers, whistles )
- ( music playing )
1619
01:25:24,911 --> 01:25:26,288
( coughing )
1620
01:25:28,707 --> 01:25:30,630
- ( crunch )
- Ow! Shithead.
1621
01:25:30,792 --> 01:25:31,839
( sighs )
1622
01:25:32,002 --> 01:25:33,675
I used to be just like you.
1623
01:25:33,837 --> 01:25:38,684
Abusing women
to hide my emotional insecurities.
1624
01:25:38,842 --> 01:25:40,685
Ugh!
1625
01:25:43,221 --> 01:25:46,350
You're 10 seconds away from the most
embarrassing moment of your life.
1626
01:25:46,516 --> 01:25:48,814
Sam the Sleazebag to the rescue.
1627
01:25:52,105 --> 01:25:54,483
( fans cheering )
1628
01:25:54,650 --> 01:25:56,903
You said somethin' about
three CDs?
1629
01:25:58,654 --> 01:26:00,531
Uh, Ford...
1630
01:26:00,697 --> 01:26:01,869
I'll... I'll do, uh...
1631
01:26:02,032 --> 01:26:03,249
I'll do anything, man.
I mean, we don't...
1632
01:26:03,408 --> 01:26:04,705
Ugh!
1633
01:26:07,913 --> 01:26:10,041
And may I suggest for dessert...
1634
01:26:10,207 --> 01:26:11,504
the copies I made?
1635
01:26:11,667 --> 01:26:13,840
- Fuck me.
- Yeah, maybe later.
1636
01:26:14,002 --> 01:26:17,051
But first, why don't you tell me
why you're rippin' your company off?
1637
01:26:18,590 --> 01:26:20,217
I read "Billboard."
1638
01:26:20,384 --> 01:26:23,604
I couldn't believe how much
Grendel Records made
1639
01:26:23,762 --> 01:26:25,764
and how little Julie Grendel got.
1640
01:26:25,931 --> 01:26:27,478
It's amazing
how much you gotta pay
1641
01:26:27,641 --> 01:26:30,064
the actual artists
who create the music, huh?
1642
01:26:30,227 --> 01:26:31,479
( laughs )
1643
01:26:31,645 --> 01:26:33,773
Those ingrate bastards
really take a bite.
1644
01:26:33,939 --> 01:26:35,782
Look, Bobby Black
found out about
1645
01:26:35,941 --> 01:26:38,615
your little African bogus
disc company.
1646
01:26:38,777 --> 01:26:40,450
Stole your computer records.
1647
01:26:40,612 --> 01:26:42,535
- ( squeaks )
- Ford: Wanna tell me about it?
1648
01:26:42,698 --> 01:26:45,577
Julian: Bobby was stupid.
He got angry.
1649
01:26:45,742 --> 01:26:47,540
His friend Johnny
was more stupid.
1650
01:26:47,703 --> 01:26:50,172
He got greedy,
tried to blackmail me.
1651
01:26:50,330 --> 01:26:53,300
Me!
Colleen knew better.
1652
01:26:53,458 --> 01:26:55,460
She knew what a monster
I could be.
1653
01:26:55,627 --> 01:26:59,257
Poor Colleen just wanted
no one to get hurt.
1654
01:26:59,423 --> 01:27:01,346
That's why I waited so long
to kill her.
1655
01:27:01,508 --> 01:27:03,476
Face it.
1656
01:27:03,635 --> 01:27:06,684
Making money is the only art form
left open to innovation.
1657
01:27:06,847 --> 01:27:09,942
Anybody that tells you they're in
this industry 'cause they like music
1658
01:27:10,100 --> 01:27:12,603
is a lying, pathetic piece of shit!
1659
01:27:12,769 --> 01:27:14,237
( crowd gasps )
1660
01:27:14,396 --> 01:27:16,945
Julian: Or a total idiot like this
Kyle Toy, or Troy,
1661
01:27:17,107 --> 01:27:19,451
or whatever
the hell his name is.
1662
01:27:19,609 --> 01:27:22,112
I've since dedicated my life
to making sure
1663
01:27:22,279 --> 01:27:24,077
that this industry
is so disgusting...
1664
01:27:24,239 --> 01:27:26,367
- ( crowd booing )
- ...so sleazy and so corrupt
1665
01:27:26,533 --> 01:27:28,035
it would have to self-destruct.
1666
01:27:28,201 --> 01:27:30,374
Two Sambuca milkshakes.
1667
01:27:30,537 --> 01:27:32,960
I even pissed
in the punchbowl.
1668
01:27:33,123 --> 01:27:34,875
( gagging, spitting )
1669
01:27:35,041 --> 01:27:37,385
You're a hell of a guy.
You know that, Julie?
1670
01:27:37,544 --> 01:27:39,672
Since you're on a roll, uh,
1671
01:27:39,838 --> 01:27:41,886
anything else
you wanna talk about?
1672
01:27:42,048 --> 01:27:44,801
Why? You, uh,
you hiding a mike or something?
1673
01:27:44,968 --> 01:27:47,642
No. I am.
Hah!
1674
01:27:47,804 --> 01:27:49,602
You little bitch.
1675
01:27:49,765 --> 01:27:51,642
( singing )
♪ Why do birds... ♪
1676
01:27:51,808 --> 01:27:53,105
- Hey!
- Ugh!
1677
01:27:54,978 --> 01:27:56,571
♪ On the day
that you were born ♪
1678
01:27:56,730 --> 01:27:59,028
♪ The angels got together ♪
1679
01:27:59,191 --> 01:28:00,909
- ♪ And decided... ♪
- ( grunting )
1680
01:28:01,067 --> 01:28:02,114
- ( screaming )
- ( microphone feedback )
1681
01:28:02,277 --> 01:28:04,200
( screaming )
1682
01:28:10,702 --> 01:28:13,751
Well, Mr. Rock 'n' Roll Detective.
1683
01:28:15,290 --> 01:28:17,509
- You're out of the business.
- Ford!
1684
01:28:17,667 --> 01:28:20,716
Shake me, Jazz.
1685
01:28:20,879 --> 01:28:22,131
( crowd gasps )
1686
01:28:22,297 --> 01:28:24,720
"In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida," baby.
1687
01:28:26,134 --> 01:28:27,386
( cranks )
1688
01:28:27,552 --> 01:28:30,806
You're fired, Julie.
1689
01:28:30,972 --> 01:28:33,270
Ah!
1690
01:28:51,952 --> 01:28:53,295
Ford.
1691
01:28:55,205 --> 01:28:58,209
Look. Look who I found.
It's Damion Flemm.
1692
01:28:58,375 --> 01:29:01,424
He loves me,
and he's taking me to Japan.
1693
01:29:01,586 --> 01:29:04,089
You realize it's Disco Appreciation
Night at the Coconut Teaser.
1694
01:29:04,256 --> 01:29:05,974
The one night of the year.
1695
01:29:06,132 --> 01:29:09,511
Sorry, sir, but we got a report that
this psycho-killer groupie was here.
1696
01:29:09,678 --> 01:29:11,931
- Take good care of her.
- That shouldn't be too hard.
1697
01:29:12,097 --> 01:29:13,974
Yeah, sure.
1698
01:29:14,140 --> 01:29:15,813
There she is with Fairlane.
1699
01:29:18,353 --> 01:29:20,447
Harboring a fugitive, Ford?
1700
01:29:20,605 --> 01:29:22,107
You're goin' down.
1701
01:29:23,733 --> 01:29:26,156
Sexual favors won't help, baby.
1702
01:29:26,319 --> 01:29:27,696
( singing )
♪ 'Cause it's booty time, booty... ♪
1703
01:29:27,863 --> 01:29:29,365
- ( crowd gasps )
- Ugh!
1704
01:29:29,531 --> 01:29:32,535
( high-pitched voice )
♪ Booty time, booty time... ♪
1705
01:29:32,701 --> 01:29:34,874
Happy viewing.
1706
01:29:35,036 --> 01:29:36,583
Jerk-off.
1707
01:29:39,291 --> 01:29:40,543
What'd you say?
1708
01:29:40,709 --> 01:29:42,177
I didn't say nothin', man.
1709
01:29:42,335 --> 01:29:45,760
Shit, man. You're the lead singer
of Disco Express.
1710
01:29:45,922 --> 01:29:47,640
"Booty Time" is the only
white disco song
1711
01:29:47,799 --> 01:29:49,142
as far as I'm concerned.
1712
01:29:49,301 --> 01:29:50,974
Hey, there's a lot more
where that came from, man.
1713
01:29:51,136 --> 01:29:52,638
I'm listenin'.
1714
01:29:52,804 --> 01:29:54,431
♪ Booty time, booty time ♪
1715
01:29:54,598 --> 01:29:56,020
♪ Across the USA ♪
1716
01:29:56,182 --> 01:29:58,105
♪ Booty time, booty time ♪
1717
01:29:58,268 --> 01:29:59,611
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah... ♪
1718
01:29:59,769 --> 01:30:01,146
Ford, isn't Sam great?
1719
01:30:01,313 --> 01:30:03,111
- Do you wanna come out with us?
- I can't.
1720
01:30:03,273 --> 01:30:06,777
- Anybody see my assistant, Jazz?
- She left.
1721
01:30:06,943 --> 01:30:09,696
Said something about
you being a real asshole.
1722
01:30:11,406 --> 01:30:13,500
Right, right.
1723
01:30:13,658 --> 01:30:15,001
That sounds right.
1724
01:30:17,329 --> 01:30:22,005
♪ After all the jacks
are in their boxes... ♪
1725
01:30:22,167 --> 01:30:25,216
Ford: Jazz is gone
and I got the blues.
1726
01:30:25,378 --> 01:30:29,349
A lot of fuckin' things are gone
and I got the blues.
1727
01:30:29,507 --> 01:30:30,975
I'll tell ya,
1728
01:30:31,134 --> 01:30:33,978
bein' an ultracool
rock 'n' roll superhero...
1729
01:30:34,137 --> 01:30:36,640
it sounded a lot better
in the brochure.
1730
01:30:38,183 --> 01:30:40,436
I can't believe it took
a bunch of phony CDs
1731
01:30:40,602 --> 01:30:43,572
to make me lose
all my self-worth and shit.
1732
01:30:43,730 --> 01:30:46,358
I was just gonna take
a nice long...
1733
01:30:46,524 --> 01:30:48,822
- ( click )
- ...nap.
1734
01:30:48,985 --> 01:30:50,953
Hello, hello.
1735
01:30:53,990 --> 01:30:55,333
I don't believe this.
1736
01:30:59,037 --> 01:31:01,790
Why did I pause
before I pushed you, huh?
1737
01:31:01,957 --> 01:31:04,085
You know, if you weren't
that kid's father...
1738
01:31:04,250 --> 01:31:06,173
What are you talking about?
1739
01:31:06,336 --> 01:31:09,385
- The ring, man.
- What about it?
1740
01:31:09,547 --> 01:31:11,094
I stole it.
1741
01:31:11,257 --> 01:31:12,850
( maniacal chuckle )
1742
01:31:13,009 --> 01:31:16,513
From some idiot in Fresno
1743
01:31:16,680 --> 01:31:18,682
that I strangled last year.
1744
01:31:20,684 --> 01:31:23,483
Perfect end
to a perfect evening, huh?
1745
01:31:23,645 --> 01:31:26,194
Un-fuckin'-believable.
1746
01:31:27,399 --> 01:31:30,949
I mean, I start by havin'
my koala bear hung
1747
01:31:31,111 --> 01:31:34,741
and my house and car blown up.
1748
01:31:34,906 --> 01:31:36,249
But that was just the beginning
of the evening.
1749
01:31:36,408 --> 01:31:38,331
We were just gettin' started, right?
1750
01:31:38,493 --> 01:31:40,871
Then I get to climb down
from the Capitol Records building.
1751
01:31:41,037 --> 01:31:43,290
Great exercise.
I recommend it.
1752
01:31:43,456 --> 01:31:44,833
And then my guitar, my Axe...
1753
01:31:45,000 --> 01:31:47,503
the one thing I love, right...
next to Stanley...
1754
01:31:47,669 --> 01:31:50,172
is now toothpicks
for the Hollywood homeless.
1755
01:31:50,338 --> 01:31:52,807
And then after I torch your boss,
1756
01:31:52,966 --> 01:31:54,639
my girlfriend leaves me.
1757
01:31:56,928 --> 01:32:00,182
She leaves me, right?
Terrific.
1758
01:32:00,348 --> 01:32:02,851
And now, now I get to die.
1759
01:32:03,018 --> 01:32:06,147
You're breakin' me heart.
1760
01:32:06,312 --> 01:32:08,815
What's the point?
1761
01:32:08,982 --> 01:32:11,155
The point is I wanna go out
man-to-man.
1762
01:32:11,317 --> 01:32:12,534
Just me and you.
1763
01:32:12,694 --> 01:32:14,571
Put down the gun,
let's go at it.
1764
01:32:14,738 --> 01:32:16,365
Come on, you fuckin' sissy.
1765
01:32:16,531 --> 01:32:18,954
What are you, afraid of me?
Come on, mano to mano.
1766
01:32:19,117 --> 01:32:20,369
Fisticuffs, baby.
1767
01:32:20,535 --> 01:32:22,708
Let's go at it, just you and me.
No one's around.
1768
01:32:22,871 --> 01:32:24,999
Come on, I fuckin' had it.
Let's go!
1769
01:32:34,799 --> 01:32:36,142
( thud )
1770
01:32:36,301 --> 01:32:38,099
All right.
1771
01:32:38,261 --> 01:32:41,060
Any way you want it.
1772
01:32:41,222 --> 01:32:43,600
( laughs )
1773
01:32:47,979 --> 01:32:50,357
You crack me up,
you know that?
1774
01:32:50,523 --> 01:32:51,991
What kind of idiot
throws his gun down?
1775
01:32:52,150 --> 01:32:53,527
I mean, use your head.
1776
01:32:53,693 --> 01:32:55,366
I mean, is there
somethin' wrong with you or what?
1777
01:32:55,528 --> 01:32:57,826
I mean, look...
look what you did.
1778
01:33:06,498 --> 01:33:09,047
Thanks for workin'.
1779
01:33:09,209 --> 01:33:10,802
Thanks for bein' a jerk-off.
1780
01:33:10,960 --> 01:33:13,713
I mean, man-to-man,
mano to mano.
1781
01:33:13,880 --> 01:33:16,724
What the hell does
"mano to mano" mean?
1782
01:33:16,883 --> 01:33:19,306
Use your head.
1783
01:33:19,469 --> 01:33:21,267
Snapper-head.
1784
01:33:24,641 --> 01:33:26,234
Ford:
So here I am.
1785
01:33:26,392 --> 01:33:28,394
The bad guys are dead,
1786
01:33:28,561 --> 01:33:30,029
my life's ruined,
1787
01:33:30,188 --> 01:33:33,112
and the case is closed.
1788
01:33:33,274 --> 01:33:35,151
Hey, what else can I say?
1789
01:33:35,318 --> 01:33:37,787
At least things can't get
any more depressin'.
1790
01:33:37,946 --> 01:33:40,745
So, did you find my dad?
1791
01:33:42,033 --> 01:33:45,333
Ford:
Un-fuckin'-believable.
1792
01:33:45,495 --> 01:33:46,997
I got some good news
1793
01:33:47,163 --> 01:33:50,007
and I got some bad news.
1794
01:33:50,166 --> 01:33:52,385
The good news is
I found him.
1795
01:33:52,544 --> 01:33:55,423
The bad news...
1796
01:33:55,588 --> 01:33:56,840
it's me.
1797
01:34:01,970 --> 01:34:04,223
What kind of
sentimental bullshit is this?
1798
01:34:04,389 --> 01:34:05,811
Hey, a guy tries to make
a commitment,
1799
01:34:05,974 --> 01:34:08,523
I gotta eat shit?
1800
01:34:08,685 --> 01:34:10,653
Well, just tell me
who my real father is.
1801
01:34:14,315 --> 01:34:18,036
He died.
No bullshit.
1802
01:34:18,194 --> 01:34:20,868
But he loved you a lot
and he wants me to take care of you.
1803
01:34:23,283 --> 01:34:25,206
Come on,
put it there.
1804
01:34:25,368 --> 01:34:26,711
That's it.
1805
01:34:29,873 --> 01:34:31,591
I mean,
1806
01:34:31,749 --> 01:34:34,593
I got a heavy caseload,
you know what I mean?
1807
01:34:43,553 --> 01:34:46,523
Ford.
Ford!
1808
01:34:49,934 --> 01:34:51,311
Come on.
1809
01:34:56,024 --> 01:34:58,618
Ford, I can't take this crap
between us anymore.
1810
01:34:58,776 --> 01:35:00,528
I'm sorry.
1811
01:35:00,695 --> 01:35:01,912
I'm quitting.
1812
01:35:02,071 --> 01:35:03,414
Dismount.
1813
01:35:06,284 --> 01:35:08,082
I love you.
1814
01:35:10,246 --> 01:35:12,214
What kind of
sentimental bullshit is this?
1815
01:35:12,373 --> 01:35:14,421
That's exactly what I said.
1816
01:35:14,584 --> 01:35:15,801
Jazz, look.
1817
01:35:15,960 --> 01:35:21,683
I'm sick of the hot clubs,
the hot cars, the hot chicks.
1818
01:35:21,841 --> 01:35:24,560
I'm sick of it.
All the fun...
1819
01:35:24,719 --> 01:35:26,312
I want you.
1820
01:35:27,513 --> 01:35:31,734
- You're saying I'm not fun?
- Well, I mean...
1821
01:35:31,893 --> 01:35:33,645
You told me to say this stuff.
1822
01:35:35,355 --> 01:35:37,232
Look.
1823
01:35:37,398 --> 01:35:40,402
I'm crazy about you, all right?
You... you know what I'm sayin'.
1824
01:35:42,654 --> 01:35:45,658
No. I-I really don't know
what you're saying.
1825
01:35:47,617 --> 01:35:49,244
But I like the tone of your voice.
1826
01:35:51,204 --> 01:35:53,206
I really like
the tone of your voice.
1827
01:35:53,373 --> 01:35:55,296
It's a beautiful thing.
1828
01:36:01,047 --> 01:36:04,893
( telephone ringing )
1829
01:36:23,528 --> 01:36:24,950
Hit pay dirt with K-DIRT.
1830
01:36:25,113 --> 01:36:28,367
Hey, hey, this is Bobby Ouch,
K-DIRT's hottest new deejay!
1831
01:36:28,533 --> 01:36:30,706
You've just won
the K-DIRT million-dollar giveaway.
1832
01:36:30,868 --> 01:36:31,915
No shit.
1833
01:36:32,078 --> 01:36:33,580
Hey, you can't say "shit"
on the radio.
1834
01:36:33,746 --> 01:36:35,214
Oh, shit,
now I just said it.
1835
01:36:35,373 --> 01:36:37,842
( music playing )
♪ Somewhere... ♪
1836
01:36:38,001 --> 01:36:41,756
Ford: Oh, boy,
I love the music industry.
1837
01:36:41,921 --> 01:36:45,095
Especially the tacky radio
giveaway part.
1838
01:36:45,258 --> 01:36:50,480
- ( kissing )
- ♪ My love stands on golden sands... ♪
1839
01:36:50,638 --> 01:36:52,481
- ( squeaks )
- What?
1840
01:36:52,640 --> 01:36:56,270
You didn't really think we'd kill
the "flucking" koala bear, now, did you?
1841
01:36:56,436 --> 01:36:57,653
( purring )
1842
01:36:57,812 --> 01:37:00,065
♪ Somewhere ♪
1843
01:37:00,231 --> 01:37:02,154
♪ Beyond the sea ♪
1844
01:37:02,317 --> 01:37:06,788
♪ She's there watching for me ♪
1845
01:37:06,946 --> 01:37:11,668
♪ If I could fly like birds on high ♪
1846
01:37:11,826 --> 01:37:14,329
♪ Then straight to her arms... ♪
- Ford: Look at this.
1847
01:37:14,495 --> 01:37:16,668
The sun, the sea.
1848
01:37:16,831 --> 01:37:19,960
Un-fuckin'-believable, heh?
1849
01:37:20,126 --> 01:37:22,845
( music playing )
1850
01:37:34,182 --> 01:37:37,561
♪ The old man rhythm's
gotten in my shoes ♪
1851
01:37:37,727 --> 01:37:41,197
♪ No use sittin' here
and singin' that blues ♪
1852
01:37:41,356 --> 01:37:44,701
♪ So be my guest,
you got nothin' to lose ♪
1853
01:37:44,859 --> 01:37:48,033
♪ Won't ya let me take you
on a sea cruise? ♪
1854
01:37:48,196 --> 01:37:50,198
- ♪ I said oo-ee ♪
- ♪ Oo-ee ♪
1855
01:37:50,365 --> 01:37:51,867
♪ Oo-ee, baby ♪
1856
01:37:52,033 --> 01:37:53,831
- ♪ Oo-ee ♪
- ♪ Oo-ee ♪
1857
01:37:53,993 --> 01:37:55,620
♪ Oo-ee, baby ♪
1858
01:37:55,787 --> 01:37:57,255
♪ Oo-oo-ee ♪
1859
01:37:57,413 --> 01:37:59,256
♪ Oo-ee, baby ♪
1860
01:37:59,415 --> 01:38:02,760
♪ Won't ya let me take you
on a sea cruise? ♪
1861
01:38:02,919 --> 01:38:04,592
♪ I feel like jumpin' ♪
1862
01:38:04,754 --> 01:38:07,724
♪ Baby, won't ya join me, please ♪
1863
01:38:07,882 --> 01:38:09,850
♪ Oh, baby, please ♪
1864
01:38:10,009 --> 01:38:11,807
♪ I don't like beggin' ♪
1865
01:38:11,969 --> 01:38:15,223
♪ But now I'm on bended knee ♪
1866
01:38:20,061 --> 01:38:21,062
♪ Oh ♪
1867
01:38:21,229 --> 01:38:24,278
♪ I've got to get to rockin',
get my hat off the rack ♪
1868
01:38:24,440 --> 01:38:27,660
♪ The boogie-woogie's got me
like a knife in the back ♪
1869
01:38:27,819 --> 01:38:31,744
♪ So be my guest,
you got nothin' to lose ♪
1870
01:38:31,906 --> 01:38:34,876
♪ Won't ya let me take you
on a sea cruise? ♪
1871
01:38:35,034 --> 01:38:36,752
- ♪ I said oo-ee ♪
- ♪ Oo-ee ♪
1872
01:38:36,911 --> 01:38:38,913
♪ Oh, oo-ee, baby ♪
1873
01:38:39,080 --> 01:38:40,582
- ♪ Oo-ee ♪
- ♪ Oo-ee ♪
1874
01:38:40,748 --> 01:38:42,716
♪ Oh, oo-ee, baby ♪
1875
01:38:42,875 --> 01:38:46,049
♪ Oo-oo-oo-oo,
oo-oo-ee, baby ♪
1876
01:38:46,212 --> 01:38:49,591
♪ Won't ya let me take you
on a sea cruise? ♪
1877
01:38:49,757 --> 01:38:51,009
♪ Yeah ♪
1878
01:39:08,025 --> 01:39:11,120
♪ I got to get to movin',
baby, I ain't lyin' ♪
1879
01:39:11,279 --> 01:39:14,954
♪ My heart is beatin' rhythm
and it's right on time ♪
1880
01:39:15,116 --> 01:39:16,368
♪ So be my guest ♪
1881
01:39:16,534 --> 01:39:18,502
♪ You've got nothin' to lose ♪
1882
01:39:18,661 --> 01:39:21,631
♪ Won't ya let me take you
on a sea cruise? ♪
1883
01:39:21,789 --> 01:39:23,917
- ♪ Come on, oo-ee ♪
- ♪ Oo-ee ♪
1884
01:39:24,083 --> 01:39:25,710
♪ Oo-ee, baby ♪
1885
01:39:25,877 --> 01:39:27,629
- ♪ Oo-ee, baby ♪
- ♪ Oo-ee ♪
1886
01:39:27,795 --> 01:39:29,297
♪ Oo-ee, baby ♪
1887
01:39:29,464 --> 01:39:31,091
- ♪ Oo-ee ♪
- ♪ Oo-ee ♪
1888
01:39:31,257 --> 01:39:32,930
♪ Oo-ee, baby ♪
1889
01:39:33,092 --> 01:39:36,471
♪ Won't ya let me take you
on a sea cruise? ♪
1890
01:39:36,637 --> 01:39:38,310
♪ I feel like jumpin' ♪
1891
01:39:38,473 --> 01:39:41,477
♪ Baby, won't ya join me, please? ♪
1892
01:39:41,642 --> 01:39:43,815
♪ Come on, please ♪
1893
01:39:43,978 --> 01:39:45,571
♪ I don't like beggin', baby ♪
1894
01:39:45,730 --> 01:39:47,949
♪ But now I'm on bended knee ♪
1895
01:39:48,107 --> 01:39:52,908
- ♪ Ah... ♪
- ♪ Knee ♪
1896
01:39:53,070 --> 01:39:54,287
♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪
1897
01:39:54,447 --> 01:39:56,370
- ♪ Oo-ee ♪
- ♪ Oo-ee ♪
1898
01:39:56,532 --> 01:39:58,375
♪ Oo-ee, baby ♪
1899
01:39:58,534 --> 01:40:00,002
♪ Oo-oo-ee ♪
1900
01:40:00,161 --> 01:40:01,788
♪ Oo-ee, baby ♪
1901
01:40:01,954 --> 01:40:03,171
♪ Oo-ee ♪
1902
01:40:03,331 --> 01:40:05,333
♪ Come on, oo-ee, baby ♪
1903
01:40:05,500 --> 01:40:08,674
♪ Won't ya let me take you
on a sea cruise? ♪
1904
01:40:08,836 --> 01:40:10,588
- ♪ I said, oo-ee ♪
- ♪ Oo-ee ♪
1905
01:40:10,755 --> 01:40:12,678
♪ Oh, oo-ee, baby ♪
1906
01:40:12,840 --> 01:40:14,308
- ♪ Oo-ee ♪
- ♪ Oo-ee ♪
1907
01:40:14,467 --> 01:40:16,094
♪ Oo-ee, baby ♪
1908
01:40:16,260 --> 01:40:17,887
♪ Oo-oo-ee ♪
1909
01:40:18,054 --> 01:40:19,772
♪ Oo-ee, baby ♪
1910
01:40:19,931 --> 01:40:23,231
♪ Won't ya let me take you
on a sea cruise? ♪
1911
01:40:23,392 --> 01:40:24,860
♪ Yeah ♪
1912
01:40:34,695 --> 01:40:41,374
♪ Ah ♪
1913
01:40:41,536 --> 01:40:43,254
♪ I got to get to movin', baby ♪
1914
01:40:43,412 --> 01:40:44,880
♪ I ain't lyin' ♪
1915
01:40:45,039 --> 01:40:48,669
♪ My heart is beatin' rhythm
and it's right on time ♪
1916
01:40:48,834 --> 01:40:50,051
♪ Be my guest ♪
1917
01:40:50,211 --> 01:40:52,009
♪ You got nothin' to lose ♪
1918
01:40:52,171 --> 01:40:55,516
♪ Won't ya let me take you
on a sea cruise? ♪
1919
01:40:55,675 --> 01:40:57,348
- ♪ Come on, oo-ee ♪
- ♪ Oo-ee ♪
1920
01:40:57,510 --> 01:40:59,057
♪ Oo-ee, baby ♪
1921
01:40:59,220 --> 01:41:00,938
- ♪ Oo-ee ♪
- ♪ Oo-ee ♪
1922
01:41:01,097 --> 01:41:02,770
♪ Oo-ee, baby ♪
1923
01:41:02,932 --> 01:41:04,525
- ♪ Oo-ee ♪
- ♪ Oo-ee ♪
1924
01:41:04,684 --> 01:41:06,357
♪ Oo-ee, baby ♪
1925
01:41:06,519 --> 01:41:10,069
♪ Won't ya let me take you
on a sea cruise? ♪
1926
01:41:10,231 --> 01:41:11,824
♪ I feel like jumpin' ♪
1927
01:41:11,983 --> 01:41:15,237
♪ Baby, won't you join me, please? ♪
1928
01:41:15,403 --> 01:41:17,280
♪ Come on, please ♪
1929
01:41:17,446 --> 01:41:18,993
♪ I don't like beggin', baby ♪
1930
01:41:19,156 --> 01:41:21,158
♪ But now I'm on bended knee ♪
1931
01:41:21,325 --> 01:41:26,252
- ♪ Ah... ♪
- ♪ Knee ♪
1932
01:41:26,414 --> 01:41:28,382
♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪
1933
01:41:28,541 --> 01:41:30,009
- ♪ Oo-ee ♪
- ♪ Oo-ee ♪
1934
01:41:30,167 --> 01:41:31,510
♪ Oo-ee, baby ♪
1935
01:41:31,669 --> 01:41:33,671
♪ Oo-oo-oo-ee ♪
1936
01:41:33,838 --> 01:41:35,090
♪ Oo-ee, baby ♪
1937
01:41:35,256 --> 01:41:36,929
♪ Oo-ee ♪
1938
01:41:37,091 --> 01:41:38,809
♪ Come on, oo-ee, baby ♪
1939
01:41:38,968 --> 01:41:42,268
♪ Won't ya let me take you
on a sea cruise? ♪
1940
01:41:42,430 --> 01:41:44,182
- ♪ Come on, oo-ee ♪
- ♪ Oo-ee ♪
1941
01:41:44,348 --> 01:41:47,727
♪ Come on, baby, oo-ee, baby,
come on, baby. ♪
131299
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