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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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♪ Sandwich, ♪
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♪ Sandwich, sandwich, I
made you out of stuff... ♪
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- ♪ La la la la la... ♪
- Ah!
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No time for sandwiches! Look at this!
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"Goliath Market seeks
in-house photographer
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to create food content
for our social platforms"!
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- Uh, hey, I work at Goliath Market.
- I know!
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And I'm a photographer! Who loves food.
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00:00:32,824 --> 00:00:34,409
- We could be work besties!
- Oh, my God!
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I've never had a work bestie before!
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00:00:35,953 --> 00:00:38,705
But, wait. Since when do you
want a 9-to-5 job?
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You've always been like, "Cubicles?
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More like pubicles!"
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God, I'm funny.
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Ellen was right, though.
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For a long time,
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I loved the hustle
of freelance photography,
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00:00:53,554 --> 00:00:57,099
but I was tired of not knowing
where my next paycheck was coming from.
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I needed to get that job.
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When they say 9-to-5,
do they mean wake up at 9:00
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or be there at 9:00?
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Um, be there.
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Woof!
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00:01:08,277 --> 00:01:10,904
Anyway, could you maybe
put in a good word for me
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with the higher-ups?
I could really use the job.
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Okay, I got you.
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I will nudge the higher-ups so hard,
they'll be like,
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"Ow, Ellen! Too hard!"
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Yes! This is so exciting!
We're gonna work together!
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Uh, Sophie, these jobs
are really competitive,
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so there's no guarantee you'll get it.
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I got it!
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I start on Monday!
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Yes!
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Congrats! My girl's finally gonna
have health insurance!
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Nice! You can stop
getting physicals at Costco.
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Ellen, thank you so much
for vouching for me. I owe you.
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If you wanna get into
my comedy self-defense class,
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just say the word.
You'd be great at Improv-Maga.
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- Okay, people! I need a location!
- Neck.
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Neck! Thank you very much.
And I need an attack.
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- Hook punch.
- Hook punch! You heard it.
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Kill him, Sophie! Come on! Kill him!
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I hear that's how
Conan O'Brien keeps it tight.
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Wait.
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Should we walk to
work together on Monday?
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Oh. Sister, we're gonna
do way more than just walk.
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♪ Got the world ♪
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♪ In my own hands ♪
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- ♪ I'm going to work, work, work ♪
- _
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- ♪ And so am I, I, I ♪
- _
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♪ We have it all, all, all ♪
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♪ He almost died, died, died ♪
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♪ Get out of our way! ♪
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Why is Val hanging out
with someone who isn't us?
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00:02:31,568 --> 00:02:33,320
- We don't do that.
- Oh.
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00:02:33,946 --> 00:02:36,949
That's her psychic, Madame Deborah.
Doing house calls this week
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'cause her tent's being
fumigated for termites.
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So, they tented her tent?
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Unclear. She just gave me a reading,
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and get this.
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Prosperity is right around the corner!
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Come on, Charles.
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Really? You buy into
this psychic nonsense?
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I do now!
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00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:55,050
You know,
I always wanted to see a psychic.
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Mother said it was sorcery.
Although, oddly enough,
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I was allowed to see an actual sorcerer.
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Oh, Rincewind. You know,
I would spend hours on his couch,
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00:03:03,350 --> 00:03:05,727
talking about my fears and anxieties.
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00:03:05,727 --> 00:03:07,896
And you're sure that wasn't
just a real psychiatrist
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that your parents told you was a sorcerer
to make it seem more fun?
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Well, if he wasn't a real sorcerer,
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how could he have given me those
magic beans that cured my ADHD, huh?
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Oh, yeah.
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God, I love that woman!
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She said I was, quote,
"Finding my path."
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Ugh. Of course,
they're gonna tell you good stuff.
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That's how they keep you coming back!
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- Open your eyes, sheeple!
- She does not only tell me good stuff.
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She told me choppy waters were approaching
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before I started dating Andrew Giuliani.
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Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle!
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I literally rounded the corner,
and found money.
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Prosperity around the corner,
just like she said.
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I'll bet she planted it there
just to make herself seem more legit.
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Oh, and did she plant
the orgy I walked in on
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- at Andrew Giuliani's townhouse, too?
- Hm?
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I think the real reason
you're such a naysayer
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is because you're afraid to learn
what the future holds for you.
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Ugh, that's absurd.
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You know what?
I will go talk to her, okay?
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But just to see how full of it she is.
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00:04:00,782 --> 00:04:03,952
And then, I really need to hear more
about this Giuliani thing.
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Okay, let's see
what we have here today, Mister...
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Love Machine?
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Yep, that's me.
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And I need 50 CCs of snuggles, stat!
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God...
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What are you doing here, babe?
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I told you I wanted
to make a real effort
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of giving LA a chance, so here I am.
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Aw...
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Wow. So, this is how
Cali doctors roll, huh?
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Not how I pictured it.
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Really? Well, how'd you picture it?
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Scalpel.
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Forceps.
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Sushi.
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Um, just... different, I guess.
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Anyway, um, how about when you get off,
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we go on one of those
Runyon Canyon hikes you love so much.
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I read that's where they walk the dog
from the Old Yeller reboot.
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Young Yeller?
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Oh, sure. I was gonna stay
for a party we're having
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for our friend Eli who just passed
his boards, but I'll skip it.
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00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:05,055
What? No, you're not missing that.
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I came here to experience
your LA life, okay?
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Work parties included.
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Oh!
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Hoo, sorry.
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Sorry, I didn't see anything. I promise
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I'm not gonna tell your husband.
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Oh, very funny, Eli. This is my husband.
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I know. I'm kidding.
Sid, the man, the myth, the legend.
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You guys coming to my little shindig?
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Fingers crossed it's not a repeat
of when Daverman passed the board.
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00:05:30,497 --> 00:05:31,707
Oh, don't worry.
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00:05:31,707 --> 00:05:34,042
I won't let this event go full Daverman.
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Problem is, you never see
a Daverman coming.
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Someone tell me who Daverman is,
so I can enjoy this, too.
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In all my years,
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I've never met such a doomed young man.
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Goodbye.
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Forever.
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Uh...
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What just happened?
What did she predict for you?
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00:05:59,443 --> 00:06:02,779
It's honestly so embarrassing,
I can barely bring myself to say it.
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Okay, fine.
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00:06:05,199 --> 00:06:08,243
She said I was gonna die tonight.
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Oh, I haven't been fed
a pile of crap like that
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since Truth or Dare night at farm camp.
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Oh.
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00:06:16,668 --> 00:06:19,463
Wow, that is... That is pretty out there.
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Look, I think we can all agree
that Madame Deb is full of it,
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so... peace, suckers.
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00:06:26,053 --> 00:06:28,096
She's never been wrong before,
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00:06:28,096 --> 00:06:30,766
but maybe she's having an off day.
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- He's a dead man.
- His time has come.
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- Oh, my God.
- Ooh.
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I love it here!
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There's a big phone on my desk,
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and sometimes, it rings,
and I'm like, "Go for Sophie."
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Oh! Sophie, Ellen.
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00:06:51,495 --> 00:06:55,082
I see you two have
become fast friends. Love it.
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00:06:55,082 --> 00:06:57,501
Oh, no! No, no.
We know each other from before.
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- Remember she sent that recommendation?
- That's right! I did.
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Remember, I-I sent you that long email
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about my best friend Sophie,
and h-how she'd be perfect for the job?
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00:07:06,176 --> 00:07:09,304
No, never got it, and you know
I'm a stickler for inbox organization.
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00:07:09,304 --> 00:07:11,974
Well, I'm a stickler
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00:07:11,974 --> 00:07:14,768
for remembering when I send
vouching emails to my boss,
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so it appears that you and I
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are in a stickler standoff.
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I'll have IT open a ticket.
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Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
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You never sent that email, did you?
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Not exactly, no.
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00:07:30,367 --> 00:07:32,870
But, enough with this internet stuff.
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You know, whatever happened to real life?
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Uh, did you recommend me in real life?
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No...
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You sure you wanna do this, babe?
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It's just a bunch of nerdy surgeons.
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Your boy can hang with surgeons.
I went to med school for a hot minute.
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I can talk about anything.
I mean, call me Professor Klump
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00:07:53,724 --> 00:07:55,642
because I am well-rounded.
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00:07:55,642 --> 00:07:58,854
Oh, you guys talking Nutty Professor?
Great movie.
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Classic case of hypothyroidism,
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00:08:01,690 --> 00:08:02,733
am I right?
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00:08:02,733 --> 00:08:05,319
Well, wasn't it just
that Klump drank that potion
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00:08:05,319 --> 00:08:08,071
that reconstructed his DNA
to make him thinner and cooler?
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00:08:08,071 --> 00:08:10,240
No, babe, it's this game we play
184
00:08:10,240 --> 00:08:12,409
where we take characters from movies,
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00:08:12,409 --> 00:08:15,412
and we diagnose them
with actual medical conditions.
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00:08:15,412 --> 00:08:18,207
Oh... Okay, that is hilarious.
187
00:08:18,207 --> 00:08:19,750
Okay, I'm gonna try one.
188
00:08:19,750 --> 00:08:21,376
Got it. Tom Hanks.
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00:08:21,376 --> 00:08:23,337
Philadelphia. AIDS.
190
00:08:26,006 --> 00:08:28,759
Um, technically true,
191
00:08:28,759 --> 00:08:31,428
but it's not really
how the game is played.
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Fine, I'ma try another one.
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00:08:32,971 --> 00:08:35,015
Uh... Uh...
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00:08:35,015 --> 00:08:37,684
Matthew McConaughey,
Dallas Buyers Club...
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00:08:37,684 --> 00:08:39,686
Let's talk about something else.
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I just don't understand.
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Why did you not send that recommendation?
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00:08:45,150 --> 00:08:47,611
Sophie, I'm sorry. I totally forgot.
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00:08:47,611 --> 00:08:50,656
I have a lot on my plate, and it just...
It just slipped my mind.
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00:08:50,656 --> 00:08:51,949
Okay!
201
00:08:51,949 --> 00:08:55,827
I literally just came up
with the best idea in history!
202
00:08:55,827 --> 00:08:58,247
Since you two are
self-described best friends,
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00:08:58,247 --> 00:09:00,165
I'm teaming you up to pitch
204
00:09:00,165 --> 00:09:02,417
on the next big veggie re-brand!
205
00:09:02,417 --> 00:09:05,420
Wait. You don't mean
the cabbage account?
206
00:09:05,420 --> 00:09:06,922
Indeed I do.
207
00:09:06,922 --> 00:09:09,424
Our research shows that
the average cabbage consumer
208
00:09:09,424 --> 00:09:10,926
is 97 years old.
209
00:09:10,926 --> 00:09:14,096
We need to figure out how to
make cabbage seem hip and young,
210
00:09:14,096 --> 00:09:16,014
like we did with broccolini.
211
00:09:16,014 --> 00:09:17,933
What!? That was you guys?
212
00:09:17,933 --> 00:09:20,936
I literally had
a broccolini smoothie this morning.
213
00:09:20,936 --> 00:09:23,689
Thousands of cabbage farmers
are depending on your friendship.
214
00:09:25,899 --> 00:09:28,652
Hey. We've got our work cut out for us.
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00:09:28,652 --> 00:09:30,404
The only thing I know about cabbage
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00:09:30,404 --> 00:09:32,698
are the patch kids and this dance.
217
00:09:33,824 --> 00:09:36,201
- Oh! Go, Sophie...
- No!
218
00:09:36,201 --> 00:09:38,829
Still pissed at you.
You do not get to enjoy me.
219
00:09:41,999 --> 00:09:43,792
Hey, buddy.
220
00:09:43,792 --> 00:09:45,127
We just thought we'd stop by
221
00:09:45,127 --> 00:09:46,837
since we were in the neighborhood...
222
00:09:46,837 --> 00:09:48,463
Of your favorite restaurant.
223
00:09:48,463 --> 00:09:52,426
Wow! Lasagna Alfredo Al Forno?
That's so nice!
224
00:09:52,426 --> 00:09:55,179
Wait. You're not nice. What's going on?
225
00:09:55,179 --> 00:09:58,182
I can't do this. Jesse, we think
you're a dead man walking.
226
00:09:58,182 --> 00:10:00,434
What, you think Madame Deborah's right?
227
00:10:00,434 --> 00:10:03,979
Oh, my God. This is a last meal.
You're last meal-ing me.
228
00:10:03,979 --> 00:10:06,732
Jesse, a light fixture
fell from the ceiling,
229
00:10:06,732 --> 00:10:09,568
Final Destination-style,
as soon as you left the bar.
230
00:10:09,568 --> 00:10:12,237
Yeah, that place is a mess!
Two weeks ago, the jukebox exploded.
231
00:10:12,237 --> 00:10:13,697
It doesn't mean I'm dying tonight.
232
00:10:13,697 --> 00:10:16,116
Well, Madame Deborah
has never been wrong before.
233
00:10:16,116 --> 00:10:17,367
She even predicted there was gonna be
234
00:10:17,367 --> 00:10:18,952
a High School Musical
The Musical The Series!
235
00:10:18,952 --> 00:10:21,663
Anyone would have predicted that.
It's a slam-dunk franchise.
236
00:10:21,663 --> 00:10:23,916
Jesse, on the off chance
that this woman is correct,
237
00:10:23,916 --> 00:10:26,293
we would like to give you
a fabulous last evening.
238
00:10:26,293 --> 00:10:29,087
So, please, tell us your dying wishes...
239
00:10:29,087 --> 00:10:30,172
before you're dragged to hell.
240
00:10:30,172 --> 00:10:31,507
- What?
- Or heaven.
241
00:10:31,507 --> 00:10:33,884
Maybe he's done a lot
of nice shit we've never seen.
242
00:10:33,884 --> 00:10:36,220
Can you two please discuss
the fate of my soul somewhere else?
243
00:10:36,220 --> 00:10:39,890
I have a Warby Parker virtual
try-on appointment to attend to, so...
244
00:10:44,478 --> 00:10:47,814
I guess I could whip up a quick
bucket list for us to chip away at.
245
00:10:49,858 --> 00:10:53,529
So I told him, "Don't you dare
stop fighting, Mr. Ramirez."
246
00:10:53,529 --> 00:10:55,531
"Because if you die,"
247
00:10:57,199 --> 00:10:59,660
"the Zamboni wins."
248
00:10:59,660 --> 00:11:02,663
Okay, you saved one man.
How many are there? Like, a million?
249
00:11:04,540 --> 00:11:06,750
Something like that. So, Sid,
250
00:11:06,750 --> 00:11:09,461
Hannah tells me that y-you own a bar?
251
00:11:09,461 --> 00:11:12,089
Sid is amazing!
He can make, like, any drink.
252
00:11:12,089 --> 00:11:14,716
She's right. You guys ever had
a Whiskey Richard?
253
00:11:14,716 --> 00:11:15,717
No...
254
00:11:15,717 --> 00:11:18,929
- Where's the bourbon?
- Damn, I don't think we have any.
255
00:11:18,929 --> 00:11:21,223
Although, there's a liquor store
across the street,
256
00:11:21,223 --> 00:11:24,393
but it's raining
pretty hard right now, so...
257
00:11:24,393 --> 00:11:27,062
Heh, heh.
You think I'm scared of a little rain?
258
00:11:27,062 --> 00:11:29,106
Oh no, is there a light breeze, too?
259
00:11:30,607 --> 00:11:33,986
I'm a New Yorker, Eli.
I can handle a little drizz.
260
00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:38,448
Man, I thought LA people were soft,
but this is, hoo,
261
00:11:38,448 --> 00:11:40,826
next level...
262
00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:51,003
And then I'll say,
"The true essence of cabbage is..."
263
00:11:51,003 --> 00:11:53,297
- And then you'll say, "Friendship."
- Mm-hmm.
264
00:11:53,297 --> 00:11:54,548
Yeah, I remember.
265
00:11:54,548 --> 00:11:56,675
Because one of us has a working memory.
266
00:11:56,675 --> 00:11:58,522
Great dig. You know, you're coming at
267
00:11:58,534 --> 00:12:00,637
me with a lot of big-dig
energy right now.
268
00:12:01,430 --> 00:12:03,599
Can we just please move forward
with our lives?
269
00:12:03,599 --> 00:12:05,559
Oh, forward.
270
00:12:05,559 --> 00:12:07,978
What you were supposed to do
with my resume,
271
00:12:07,978 --> 00:12:09,271
but didn't.
272
00:12:09,271 --> 00:12:11,523
Sophie, you're being a tad annoying.
273
00:12:11,523 --> 00:12:12,816
Ying.
274
00:12:12,816 --> 00:12:15,319
What I was supposed to be to your yang.
275
00:12:15,319 --> 00:12:16,695
Okay, you know what?
276
00:12:16,695 --> 00:12:19,281
I didn't forget to recommend you.
I didn't wanna vouch for you
277
00:12:19,281 --> 00:12:21,700
because I wasn't sure
you could hold down a real job.
278
00:12:23,535 --> 00:12:25,454
- Why not?
- You thought 9-to-5
279
00:12:25,454 --> 00:12:27,164
meant that you wake up at 9:00.
280
00:12:27,164 --> 00:12:28,916
- A lot of people think that!
- No, they don't!
281
00:12:28,916 --> 00:12:30,148
It doesn't make any sense! Everyone
282
00:12:30,160 --> 00:12:32,210
would just show up at different times!
283
00:12:32,235 --> 00:12:35,464
Let's get ready to cabbage!
284
00:12:35,464 --> 00:12:38,258
Woo!
Let's just get through the presentation,
285
00:12:38,258 --> 00:12:40,749
- and then we'll talk about it later.
- Not a problem.
286
00:12:41,303 --> 00:12:43,972
Ladies and gentlemen!
287
00:12:44,640 --> 00:12:46,517
Welcome to the future,
288
00:12:46,517 --> 00:12:49,478
where cabbage isn't just
an ingredient anymore.
289
00:12:49,978 --> 00:12:51,230
It's an experience.
290
00:12:51,230 --> 00:12:53,232
An experience to be shared.
291
00:12:53,982 --> 00:12:56,568
Rip it and share it!
292
00:12:56,568 --> 00:12:58,195
The next generation of cabbage
293
00:12:58,195 --> 00:13:00,405
is about bringing people together
294
00:13:00,405 --> 00:13:02,908
because the true essence of cabbage is...
295
00:13:05,452 --> 00:13:08,413
Sophie? D-D-Don't you wanna
say friendship?
296
00:13:08,413 --> 00:13:11,542
Uh, I don't know, Ellen.
I was just thinking about
297
00:13:11,542 --> 00:13:13,877
all the different kinds
of cabbage there are.
298
00:13:14,753 --> 00:13:16,713
There's Napa cabbage, and purple,
299
00:13:16,713 --> 00:13:18,757
- and then there's selfish.
- Oh, really?
300
00:13:19,258 --> 00:13:21,851
- Yeah. Mm-hmm.
- Those are the three cabbages? Mm-hmm.
301
00:13:22,010 --> 00:13:25,097
The selfish cabbages are always
just looking out for themselves.
302
00:13:25,097 --> 00:13:27,599
You know, not really supportive
of their cabbage friends.
303
00:13:27,599 --> 00:13:29,893
Or maybe, they're the ones
304
00:13:29,893 --> 00:13:33,021
who worked really, really hard
to get where they are,
305
00:13:33,021 --> 00:13:35,023
and they just can't risk
throwing it all away
306
00:13:35,023 --> 00:13:38,443
for some flaky blonde cabbage
who lucked their way into the job.
307
00:13:38,443 --> 00:13:41,488
Wait, the cabbage has a job? I'm lost.
308
00:13:41,488 --> 00:13:44,575
The selfish cabbage said
they were sorry. What else do you want?
309
00:13:44,575 --> 00:13:46,034
I want you...
310
00:13:46,034 --> 00:13:47,661
to think that I'm good enough
to be here,
311
00:13:47,661 --> 00:13:49,663
to get off of your high horse
312
00:13:49,663 --> 00:13:51,748
and just be a supportive friend.
313
00:13:53,876 --> 00:13:55,127
Cabbage.
314
00:13:55,127 --> 00:13:57,713
Ellen, my office.
315
00:14:02,593 --> 00:14:05,846
Oh, you banged yourself up pretty good,
sweetie. Does this hurt?
316
00:14:08,432 --> 00:14:10,934
Hey, 'sup, player?
317
00:14:10,934 --> 00:14:13,854
Uh, the good news is nothing's broken.
318
00:14:13,854 --> 00:14:17,191
But, you do have a pretty
gnarly coccyx contusion,
319
00:14:17,191 --> 00:14:19,526
so, I'm sorry to say...
320
00:14:19,526 --> 00:14:22,988
...no lower-body intensive activities
for a while.
321
00:14:23,530 --> 00:14:26,116
Sorry, Sid.
Or should I say, sorry, Hannah.
322
00:14:28,202 --> 00:14:29,828
Funny, but not right now.
323
00:14:29,828 --> 00:14:31,997
Okay, you know what, funny guy?
324
00:14:31,997 --> 00:14:33,832
I think I'd like to get
an opinion from someone
325
00:14:33,832 --> 00:14:36,585
who didn't just pass his boards,
like, three hours ago.
326
00:14:36,585 --> 00:14:38,378
You know, I don't get it.
I've been so nice to you...
327
00:14:38,378 --> 00:14:40,130
Eli, could you just give us a sec?
328
00:14:40,672 --> 00:14:41,924
Alright.
329
00:14:44,718 --> 00:14:47,930
Sid, what is going on with you?
Why are you being so rude?
330
00:14:49,056 --> 00:14:51,850
You have this whole world
over here without me.
331
00:14:52,518 --> 00:14:55,979
And I-I'm not a doctor.
I don't know Daverman.
332
00:14:55,979 --> 00:14:58,065
And Eli's so handsome.
333
00:14:58,065 --> 00:15:00,192
And I suck at the AIDS game.
334
00:15:00,192 --> 00:15:01,527
What about Eli?
335
00:15:01,527 --> 00:15:03,862
It's just you guys get to spend
all this time together.
336
00:15:03,862 --> 00:15:06,532
You guys have a million inside jokes.
It's a lot.
337
00:15:09,618 --> 00:15:11,286
I'm sorry, babe.
338
00:15:11,286 --> 00:15:13,580
I'm really tanking this LA thing.
339
00:15:13,580 --> 00:15:16,083
If you had more time,
you would crush LA.
340
00:15:17,209 --> 00:15:20,632
But I'm afraid you're not
gonna get that chance.
341
00:15:20,754 --> 00:15:22,464
Oh, my God, am I dying?
342
00:15:22,464 --> 00:15:23,757
No, Sid.
343
00:15:25,801 --> 00:15:27,553
I've decided to move to New York.
344
00:15:29,304 --> 00:15:31,598
But... But you love LA.
345
00:15:31,598 --> 00:15:33,934
You have this whole
amazing life over here.
346
00:15:33,934 --> 00:15:36,436
Yeah, but I love you more.
347
00:15:37,437 --> 00:15:39,565
And you're a New Yorker.
348
00:15:40,315 --> 00:15:41,358
Really?
349
00:15:42,150 --> 00:15:43,610
Really.
350
00:15:44,862 --> 00:15:46,113
Thank you.
351
00:15:50,367 --> 00:15:51,618
Okay.
352
00:15:53,203 --> 00:15:54,621
Mm...
353
00:15:54,621 --> 00:15:56,456
So, what's the Daverman story, anyway?
354
00:15:56,456 --> 00:15:57,958
Oh, it's nothing.
355
00:15:59,418 --> 00:16:01,420
He shit his pants.
356
00:16:02,379 --> 00:16:04,965
Aloha!
357
00:16:04,965 --> 00:16:07,551
Okay, I know it's not quite the real deal,
358
00:16:07,551 --> 00:16:09,595
but we can check
359
00:16:09,595 --> 00:16:11,972
"go to Hawaii" off your bucket list.
360
00:16:12,723 --> 00:16:14,141
It was Helsinki.
361
00:16:14,141 --> 00:16:16,310
I always wanted to go to Helsinki.
362
00:16:16,310 --> 00:16:17,765
Really?
363
00:16:18,079 --> 00:16:20,081
Oh, bro, you should work
on your penmanship.
364
00:16:20,856 --> 00:16:23,124
Oh, there's probably not enough time...
365
00:16:23,149 --> 00:16:25,919
Okay! Thank you very much! Right!
366
00:16:25,944 --> 00:16:28,822
Per your list, I have
reached out to Terry Gross
367
00:16:28,822 --> 00:16:32,409
about interviewing you.
She said, and I quote,
368
00:16:32,409 --> 00:16:36,038
"It's called Fresh Air,
not Who The Hell Is That Guy Air."
369
00:16:36,038 --> 00:16:37,456
Terry Gross said that?
370
00:16:37,456 --> 00:16:41,168
No. The "she" in this story
is her very rude intern, Bailey.
371
00:16:41,168 --> 00:16:43,712
Is there anything on this list
that we can actually achieve?
372
00:16:43,712 --> 00:16:46,798
Uh, "be the musical guest on SNL." No.
373
00:16:46,798 --> 00:16:49,343
"Be the musical guest and host on SNL."
Jesse...
374
00:16:49,343 --> 00:16:50,594
Uh, "become a dad."
375
00:16:51,178 --> 00:16:52,971
We might be able to pull that
last one off without you.
376
00:16:52,971 --> 00:16:55,474
- How cold does your freezer get?
- Ooh, I'll get a cup!
377
00:17:04,858 --> 00:17:06,902
- I've never seen anything...
- It's all my fault, okay?
378
00:17:06,902 --> 00:17:08,737
- Sophie, what are you...
- She's right.
379
00:17:08,737 --> 00:17:10,822
I am a work in progress.
380
00:17:10,822 --> 00:17:13,492
But, Ellen is the best,
and if you fire her,
381
00:17:13,492 --> 00:17:16,203
you are out of your goddamn mind,
Mark Flarkson.
382
00:17:17,496 --> 00:17:20,499
My last name is Cruz,
and I'm not firing Ellen.
383
00:17:20,499 --> 00:17:22,251
I'm conducting a wellness check.
384
00:17:22,793 --> 00:17:24,795
I am, however, considering firing you
385
00:17:24,795 --> 00:17:26,380
because you took one of my best employees
386
00:17:26,380 --> 00:17:28,090
and made her act really weird.
387
00:17:29,007 --> 00:17:30,801
- I understand.
- No!
388
00:17:30,801 --> 00:17:32,469
You can't fire her.
389
00:17:32,469 --> 00:17:35,681
Let me tell you why
Sophie Tompkins is the best.
390
00:17:35,681 --> 00:17:37,224
- Oh boy.
- Sure,
391
00:17:37,224 --> 00:17:38,892
she's rough around the edges
392
00:17:38,892 --> 00:17:41,353
and can barely conduct herself in general,
393
00:17:41,353 --> 00:17:43,647
let alone in an office.
I mean, sometimes,
394
00:17:43,647 --> 00:17:45,427
if you stand close to her, you can hear
395
00:17:45,439 --> 00:17:47,276
her quietly chanting her own name. Like,
396
00:17:47,276 --> 00:17:49,236
Sophie, Sophie...
397
00:17:49,236 --> 00:17:50,737
- You can hear that?
- Mm-hmm.
398
00:17:51,822 --> 00:17:54,074
- I thought that was just in my head.
- But,
399
00:17:54,074 --> 00:17:58,120
here are 50 reasons why
Sophie's perfect for Goliath. One...
400
00:17:58,120 --> 00:17:59,204
No! She can stay.
401
00:17:59,204 --> 00:18:01,790
Just please stop advocating
for each other,
402
00:18:01,790 --> 00:18:03,458
and go finish the cabbage campaign!
403
00:18:03,458 --> 00:18:06,420
Thank you so much, Mr. Flarkson-Cruz.
404
00:18:06,420 --> 00:18:07,921
It's just Cruz.
405
00:18:07,921 --> 00:18:10,007
- And I promise, no more drama.
- Mm-hmm.
406
00:18:10,007 --> 00:18:12,759
Sophie! Ellen! I love you!
407
00:18:13,302 --> 00:18:15,846
I'm sorry.
It's just, I may be dying tonight.
408
00:18:17,598 --> 00:18:20,851
No more drama starting... now.
409
00:18:25,439 --> 00:18:26,940
How do I look?
410
00:18:26,940 --> 00:18:28,650
Like a man who's ready to go.
411
00:18:30,986 --> 00:18:33,780
Agreed. Open casket chic.
412
00:18:34,823 --> 00:18:36,366
I still don't know what's going on.
413
00:18:36,366 --> 00:18:39,077
- Me neither. Just act like you care.
- Ooh!
414
00:18:39,077 --> 00:18:41,747
Fifteen seconds to midnight.
Places, people.
415
00:18:45,167 --> 00:18:46,418
Okay.
416
00:18:47,711 --> 00:18:49,379
Ten.
417
00:18:49,379 --> 00:18:51,798
Nine. Eight...
418
00:18:51,798 --> 00:18:54,343
Goodbye, old friend. Six.
419
00:18:54,343 --> 00:18:56,803
Five. Four...
420
00:18:56,803 --> 00:18:59,848
May the angels sing thee to thy rest.
421
00:18:59,848 --> 00:19:01,850
Two. One!
422
00:19:04,311 --> 00:19:05,354
I'm alive.
423
00:19:06,522 --> 00:19:07,898
I'm alive.
424
00:19:07,898 --> 00:19:10,567
Ha! I knew it all along!
425
00:19:10,567 --> 00:19:13,654
Really? Then, why'd you show up
at my work to say goodbye to us?
426
00:19:13,654 --> 00:19:16,198
What? For these dumb-dumbs!
427
00:19:16,198 --> 00:19:18,951
Y'all must be feeling
pretty stupid right now.
428
00:19:18,951 --> 00:19:22,162
Me? I still don't even know
why we're here.
429
00:19:22,162 --> 00:19:24,498
Alright, well,
I've got work tomorrow morning,
430
00:19:24,498 --> 00:19:27,459
which I will be attending
because I am very much alive.
431
00:19:27,459 --> 00:19:29,294
Sorry, Jesse. Our bad.
432
00:19:29,294 --> 00:19:31,338
But she's never wrong.
433
00:19:31,797 --> 00:19:33,841
Please do not show up at my work again.
434
00:19:33,841 --> 00:19:36,093
Alright. I guess I'm never gonna die.
435
00:19:49,106 --> 00:19:52,025
Guys! What if they meant Pacific Time?
436
00:19:53,318 --> 00:19:56,530
The next morning,
our cabbage campaign went live.
437
00:19:58,574 --> 00:20:01,285
Ellen! Look over there.
438
00:20:03,287 --> 00:20:04,855
Look over there!
439
00:20:06,623 --> 00:20:07,624
And over there!
440
00:20:09,126 --> 00:20:10,147
Oh, and over there!
441
00:20:11,378 --> 00:20:12,713
Oh, my God, Sophie, look around.
442
00:20:12,713 --> 00:20:14,381
It's everywhere.
- We did it!
443
00:20:14,381 --> 00:20:16,800
We did it!
444
00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:18,760
There's no way that's how it happened.
445
00:20:18,760 --> 00:20:21,889
Every single person was eating
a cabbage almost immediately?
446
00:20:21,889 --> 00:20:24,183
That's the way I remember it,
447
00:20:24,183 --> 00:20:26,185
so that's how it happened.
448
00:20:28,011 --> 00:20:32,011
- Synced and corrected by synk -
- www.MY-SUBS.com -
34155
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