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1
00:00:03,692 --> 00:00:05,287
Did you miss me, Gal?
2
00:00:05,288 --> 00:00:08,816
Madalena, I have traveled
1,000 miles to see you.
3
00:00:08,818 --> 00:00:10,583
I fought pirates.
4
00:00:10,584 --> 00:00:13,026
I stared death in the face a dozen times,
5
00:00:13,028 --> 00:00:14,929
and I did all that to be with a woman
6
00:00:14,930 --> 00:00:18,289
who chose a fierce and cruel man
over my unconditional love.
7
00:00:18,290 --> 00:00:20,427
- So...
- You crossed my mind, yes.
8
00:00:21,211 --> 00:00:23,214
Then why didn't you act happy to see me?
9
00:00:23,215 --> 00:00:24,979
To be honest, I don't know how to feel.
10
00:00:24,980 --> 00:00:26,980
Isabella told me
you wanted me to rescue you.
11
00:00:26,982 --> 00:00:28,408
Did you even know I was coming?
12
00:00:28,409 --> 00:00:31,193
Well, I found out earlier today,
and as soon as I did,
13
00:00:31,194 --> 00:00:33,262
I made a plan for us to be together.
14
00:00:33,263 --> 00:00:35,436
Yeah, well, I had a plan, as well.
15
00:00:35,437 --> 00:00:38,152
We were gonna live
in a cottage by the sea.
16
00:00:38,153 --> 00:00:40,902
We were gonna make love, plant a garden...
17
00:00:40,903 --> 00:00:42,023
Have children.
18
00:00:42,024 --> 00:00:44,569
I was gonna sing songs of your beauty.
19
00:00:44,570 --> 00:00:46,164
Oh, Gal.
20
00:00:46,165 --> 00:00:47,421
That sounds awful.
21
00:00:48,338 --> 00:00:50,001
Look around.
22
00:00:50,002 --> 00:00:51,835
I live in a castle.
23
00:00:51,836 --> 00:00:53,838
And you know
what I've learned about myself?
24
00:00:53,839 --> 00:00:56,689
I really like stuff.
25
00:00:56,690 --> 00:00:59,134
I mean, why would I give all this up
26
00:00:59,135 --> 00:01:01,477
to get fat and pregnant
and grow my own food?
27
00:01:01,478 --> 00:01:03,447
So, you didn't want me to come?
28
00:01:05,857 --> 00:01:09,082
I should never have trusted Isabella.
29
00:01:09,083 --> 00:01:11,255
How could someone so small
tell such a big lie?
30
00:01:11,256 --> 00:01:12,783
Well, none of that matters now.
31
00:01:12,784 --> 00:01:15,295
I have a plan that will allow me
to remain as queen,
32
00:01:15,296 --> 00:01:19,335
and you will be
well taken care of as my...
33
00:01:19,336 --> 00:01:20,489
Special companion.
34
00:01:20,491 --> 00:01:22,357
Your boy toy, you mean.
35
00:01:22,358 --> 00:01:24,904
Is that how you see me? Hmm?
36
00:01:24,905 --> 00:01:27,179
As some well-groomed, ruggedly handsome,
37
00:01:27,180 --> 00:01:29,249
yet oddly delicate-featured plaything?
38
00:01:30,506 --> 00:01:31,592
Yeah.
39
00:01:32,646 --> 00:01:35,192
Madalena, I've got something to say,
40
00:01:35,193 --> 00:01:38,484
and I've come a really,
really long way to say it.
41
00:01:38,485 --> 00:01:39,843
Oh, no.
42
00:01:39,844 --> 00:01:41,982
♪ I want you, I need you ♪
43
00:01:41,983 --> 00:01:43,611
♪ You cut me, and I bleed you ♪
44
00:01:43,612 --> 00:01:45,784
♪ You're like some kind of sonnet ♪
45
00:01:45,785 --> 00:01:47,618
♪ All I want to do is read you ♪
46
00:01:47,619 --> 00:01:49,417
- ♪ And I love you ♪
- I know.
47
00:01:49,418 --> 00:01:51,488
- ♪ I mean I love you ♪
- Yes. Thanks.
48
00:01:51,489 --> 00:01:53,389
- ♪ I said I love you ♪
- You did.
49
00:01:53,390 --> 00:01:57,702
♪ And now don't you want
to tell me something, too? ♪
50
00:02:00,690 --> 00:02:02,352
♪ I love you ♪
51
00:02:02,353 --> 00:02:05,680
♪ As much as someone like me
can love anyone ♪
52
00:02:05,681 --> 00:02:06,125
Huh?
53
00:02:06,127 --> 00:02:09,346
♪ I mean, I love
how we make people stare ♪
54
00:02:09,347 --> 00:02:11,315
♪ We're quite the stunning pair ♪
55
00:02:11,317 --> 00:02:13,192
♪ In other words, you love me ♪
56
00:02:13,194 --> 00:02:16,747
♪ As much as someone like me
can love anyone ♪
57
00:02:16,748 --> 00:02:17,364
Okay.
58
00:02:17,366 --> 00:02:20,279
♪ I mean, I love how when we hit the hay ♪
59
00:02:20,280 --> 00:02:21,807
♪ It's more than just okay ♪
60
00:02:21,808 --> 00:02:22,461
Right?
61
00:02:22,463 --> 00:02:25,813
♪ I'd absolutely say
more like middling to fair ♪
62
00:02:25,814 --> 00:02:27,273
Yeah. Wait. What?
63
00:02:27,274 --> 00:02:29,514
♪ Dance with me ♪
64
00:02:29,515 --> 00:02:32,874
♪ Can't you see
how freaking gorgeous we look? ♪
65
00:02:32,875 --> 00:02:36,202
♪ Can't you feel
the frantic beat of our hearts ♪
66
00:02:36,203 --> 00:02:40,345
♪ As our various parts rub
with such delicious friction? ♪
67
00:02:40,346 --> 00:02:41,940
♪ So, that's all you really... ♪
68
00:02:41,941 --> 00:02:44,045
♪ Dance with me ♪
69
00:02:44,046 --> 00:02:47,814
♪ Why not finish what's already begun? ♪
70
00:02:47,815 --> 00:02:49,952
♪ So, what you're saying is you love me ♪
71
00:02:49,953 --> 00:02:52,126
- ♪ I love you ♪
- ♪ Really love me ♪
72
00:02:52,127 --> 00:02:54,605
- ♪ I love you ♪
- ♪ And always loved me? ♪
73
00:02:54,606 --> 00:02:57,965
♪ As much as someone like me
can love anyone ♪
74
00:03:01,837 --> 00:03:04,212
Does that clear things up for you?
75
00:03:04,214 --> 00:03:05,536
No.
76
00:03:05,080 --> 00:03:06,811
And when did you learn how to dance?
77
00:03:06,812 --> 00:03:09,698
Galavant - 01x06
Dungeons and Dragon Lady
78
00:03:10,618 --> 00:03:12,524
Are you hearing this, Gareth?
79
00:03:12,526 --> 00:03:16,804
My own wife tries to trick me
into killing my favorite chef
80
00:03:16,804 --> 00:03:18,704
so she can save her ex-boyfriend.
81
00:03:18,705 --> 00:03:19,690
You sure it was her?
82
00:03:19,691 --> 00:03:20,878
Pretty girl, tiny waist, big eyes?
83
00:03:20,879 --> 00:03:22,032
Definitely, My King.
84
00:03:23,222 --> 00:03:25,224
No one has it as bad as I do, Gareth.
85
00:03:25,225 --> 00:03:27,193
- No one!
- Aaaaaaaah!
86
00:03:28,959 --> 00:03:30,724
Uh... Don't worry.
87
00:03:30,725 --> 00:03:33,915
Why do I continually allow
people to treat me this way?
88
00:03:33,916 --> 00:03:34,730
Oh, come on.
89
00:03:34,731 --> 00:03:37,209
Forget I'm your king
and talk to me like your friend.
90
00:03:37,210 --> 00:03:38,261
All right.
91
00:03:38,262 --> 00:03:39,790
You keep acting like a prat.
92
00:03:39,791 --> 00:03:41,250
You need to be more of a geezer.
93
00:03:41,251 --> 00:03:44,542
You know, I've tried to tell you
time and time again.
94
00:03:44,543 --> 00:03:46,818
You don't turn your ear.
95
00:03:48,007 --> 00:03:49,092
Oh, Gareth.
96
00:03:49,093 --> 00:03:50,654
I can't understand a word you say.
97
00:03:50,655 --> 00:03:52,827
Let me ask you this, then.
98
00:03:52,828 --> 00:03:54,762
Do you like me, Gareth?
99
00:03:54,763 --> 00:03:58,836
- I mean, you know, as a... as a person?
- Aaaaaaah!
100
00:04:01,519 --> 00:04:02,706
I got to go.
101
00:04:02,707 --> 00:04:03,862
My queen needs me.
102
00:04:03,863 --> 00:04:05,694
- Your queen?
- Mm.
103
00:04:05,695 --> 00:04:08,412
Are you hearing this? Now it's his queen.
104
00:04:08,413 --> 00:04:10,177
Fine. Go ahead.
105
00:04:10,178 --> 00:04:11,975
Leave me, too. Be that guy.
106
00:04:11,976 --> 00:04:12,859
Go. Go.
107
00:04:12,860 --> 00:04:14,115
Yeah, okay.
108
00:04:16,425 --> 00:04:18,224
Why am I like this?
109
00:04:18,225 --> 00:04:21,112
Why do I continually allow
people to treat me this way?
110
00:04:21,114 --> 00:04:22,539
- Sire!
- Hmm?
111
00:04:22,541 --> 00:04:25,014
I-I think I know something
that may help you.
112
00:04:25,015 --> 00:04:26,609
Really? What?
113
00:04:26,611 --> 00:04:28,647
Have you ever heard of Xanax?
114
00:04:28,648 --> 00:04:29,801
Xanax?
115
00:04:29,802 --> 00:04:32,449
Is he that new magician
I'm hearing so much about?
116
00:04:32,450 --> 00:04:33,604
Merlin's replacement?
117
00:04:33,605 --> 00:04:34,690
Yes, My King.
118
00:04:34,691 --> 00:04:37,441
I-I occasionally buy herbs from him.
119
00:04:37,442 --> 00:04:40,122
Herbs? For what? F-f-for cooking?
120
00:04:41,142 --> 00:04:42,363
Yeah... f-for cooking.
121
00:04:43,553 --> 00:04:46,506
All right, it's worth a shot.
Let's go see Xanax.
122
00:04:46,507 --> 00:04:48,611
I should probably put on
something more casual.
123
00:04:51,172 --> 00:04:52,593
The brown.
124
00:04:59,215 --> 00:05:01,211
Um, why are we back in the dungeon?
125
00:05:01,212 --> 00:05:03,751
Just wait here. I'll come
get you when it's time.
126
00:05:03,752 --> 00:05:05,918
Someone's coming to help execute my plan.
127
00:05:05,919 --> 00:05:07,104
Move along.
128
00:05:09,068 --> 00:05:10,828
Galavant! Galavant!
129
00:05:13,302 --> 00:05:15,163
I thought you were dead.
130
00:05:15,164 --> 00:05:17,128
You mean because you betrayed me,
you thought they would hang me?
131
00:05:17,129 --> 00:05:18,211
Because you betrayed me?
132
00:05:18,212 --> 00:05:19,396
Oh, trust me, sir,
133
00:05:19,397 --> 00:05:21,902
I have been guilting
the crap out of her down here.
134
00:05:21,903 --> 00:05:24,002
King Richard said if I didn't
deliver the jewel and you,
135
00:05:24,003 --> 00:05:25,391
he would kill my parents.
136
00:05:25,392 --> 00:05:27,050
I tried to warn you...
137
00:05:27,051 --> 00:05:29,252
so many songs, so many asides.
138
00:05:29,253 --> 00:05:31,046
The point is, Queen Madalena,
139
00:05:31,047 --> 00:05:32,841
you have the jewel and you have Galavant.
140
00:05:32,842 --> 00:05:34,975
- You must release my parents.
- Must I?
141
00:05:34,976 --> 00:05:36,532
- Yes. You have to.
- Have I?
142
00:05:36,533 --> 00:05:37,785
- Yes.
- Really?
143
00:05:37,786 --> 00:05:39,105
Why are you just repeating
everything I say as a question?
144
00:05:39,106 --> 00:05:40,934
Am I just repeating everything
you say as a question?
145
00:05:40,935 --> 00:05:42,390
You... Don't hear it?
146
00:05:42,391 --> 00:05:43,745
-I hear it. Yeah.
- Yeah.
147
00:05:43,746 --> 00:05:47,335
- You're sort of doing it a little bit.
- I had a deal with King Richard.
148
00:05:47,336 --> 00:05:49,332
My dear girl...
149
00:05:49,333 --> 00:05:51,161
I am not King Richard.
150
00:05:51,162 --> 00:05:55,733
But I will enjoy killing the girl
who tried to eat my leftover man mutton.
151
00:06:00,509 --> 00:06:03,589
Is... Anyone else uncomfortable?
152
00:06:05,758 --> 00:06:07,078
Gareth.
153
00:06:07,079 --> 00:06:08,809
Cut her face.
154
00:06:08,811 --> 00:06:10,097
Torture the rest.
155
00:06:10,099 --> 00:06:12,537
- Gala...
- Excuse me?
156
00:06:12,539 --> 00:06:15,811
I said torture them. Is there a problem?
157
00:06:16,019 --> 00:06:17,440
No. There's not a problem.
158
00:06:17,442 --> 00:06:19,405
I like torturing. I'm pretty good at it.
159
00:06:19,406 --> 00:06:20,963
I once kept a guy alive for a week,
160
00:06:20,964 --> 00:06:23,163
and he was just a head and a finger.
161
00:06:23,164 --> 00:06:25,060
But that order came from the king,
162
00:06:25,061 --> 00:06:26,177
and I serve My King.
163
00:06:26,178 --> 00:06:29,157
Your king is weak, Gareth. You know this.
164
00:06:29,158 --> 00:06:31,900
He cries like a baby,
he cares like a woman.
165
00:06:31,901 --> 00:06:34,135
He makes decoupage footstools as a hobby.
166
00:06:34,136 --> 00:06:35,558
Hey! That was a birthday present.
167
00:06:35,559 --> 00:06:37,183
He got me that so I could have a sit down.
168
00:06:37,184 --> 00:06:39,554
You're a dog, Gareth.
169
00:06:39,555 --> 00:06:41,958
And a dog needs a strong master.
170
00:06:44,810 --> 00:06:46,566
Now sic 'em.
171
00:06:51,650 --> 00:06:53,507
Here we are, sir.
172
00:06:53,508 --> 00:06:54,859
Are we safe?
173
00:06:54,860 --> 00:06:57,257
This neighborhood looks a little dodgy.
174
00:06:57,258 --> 00:06:58,574
Don't worry, sire, we'll be fine.
175
00:06:58,575 --> 00:07:00,736
Just... Try not to look scared.
176
00:07:02,022 --> 00:07:04,318
Hello. Nice to see you.
177
00:07:12,900 --> 00:07:14,454
What do you want?
178
00:07:16,449 --> 00:07:18,305
Uh, we're here to see Xanax.
179
00:07:18,306 --> 00:07:19,893
He's in the attic.
180
00:07:19,894 --> 00:07:21,683
Mom! It's a laboratory!
181
00:07:21,684 --> 00:07:22,967
Call it a laboratory.
182
00:07:22,968 --> 00:07:24,116
It's an attic.
183
00:07:30,266 --> 00:07:33,779
Hmm. This is... Cozy.
184
00:07:33,780 --> 00:07:37,326
King Richard, may I present
Xanax The Magician.
185
00:07:38,612 --> 00:07:40,603
Actually, I'm not legally allowed
186
00:07:40,604 --> 00:07:42,631
to call myself a magician anymore
187
00:07:42,632 --> 00:07:44,995
'cause of the whole... Thing.
188
00:07:44,996 --> 00:07:46,448
Don't worry.
189
00:07:46,449 --> 00:07:48,915
Think of me as a spiritual guide.
190
00:07:48,916 --> 00:07:50,806
I'm allowed to... Call myself that.
191
00:07:50,807 --> 00:07:52,293
Anyone can. It's meaningless.
192
00:07:55,791 --> 00:07:57,814
Look at his shiny little hat, toad.
193
00:07:57,815 --> 00:07:59,636
Ribbit.
194
00:07:59,637 --> 00:08:00,951
Who's that person?
195
00:08:00,952 --> 00:08:02,672
It's toad. He's cool.
196
00:08:02,673 --> 00:08:03,616
Ribbit.
197
00:08:03,617 --> 00:08:05,505
Don't ask.
198
00:08:06,484 --> 00:08:08,068
He was a toad.
199
00:08:08,069 --> 00:08:09,654
I did a spell...
200
00:08:09,655 --> 00:08:13,332
turned him into a human-ish... Type thing.
201
00:08:13,333 --> 00:08:14,781
So, uh, yeah. I flipped it.
202
00:08:15,828 --> 00:08:17,413
That's very good.
203
00:08:17,414 --> 00:08:19,032
Anyway, what can I do for you gents?
204
00:08:19,033 --> 00:08:21,158
Well, it's... No big deal, really.
205
00:08:21,159 --> 00:08:23,081
We were just... in the neighborhood,
206
00:08:23,082 --> 00:08:24,970
and, um, I was sort of wondering,
207
00:08:24,971 --> 00:08:26,960
you know, why I am the way I am,
208
00:08:26,961 --> 00:08:29,625
and he mentioned
you might be able to help me.
209
00:08:29,626 --> 00:08:31,816
Xanax can help anything.
210
00:08:31,817 --> 00:08:32,829
Wonderful.
211
00:08:35,808 --> 00:08:37,491
Bit of wind there.
212
00:08:37,492 --> 00:08:38,805
Ooh.
213
00:08:38,806 --> 00:08:40,692
Right. Let's get you started.
214
00:08:40,693 --> 00:08:43,252
This is a... Kind of disgusting
little workstation, isn't it?
215
00:08:43,253 --> 00:08:45,947
You see the toilet?
It's basically a window.
216
00:08:45,948 --> 00:08:50,025
And by "window,"
I mean "hole"... in the wall.
217
00:08:50,026 --> 00:08:51,305
It works.
218
00:08:51,306 --> 00:08:52,449
One of them.
219
00:08:52,450 --> 00:08:54,201
Oh. Toad spotted it.
You'd love that, wouldn't you?
220
00:08:55,921 --> 00:08:57,166
That goes in.
221
00:08:57,167 --> 00:08:59,290
Ready. Let's do this.
222
00:09:00,638 --> 00:09:01,985
Oooooooooooh.
223
00:09:03,535 --> 00:09:05,825
Now the magic words.
224
00:09:07,375 --> 00:09:10,205
Abracadabra.
225
00:09:10,206 --> 00:09:12,530
Alakazam.
226
00:09:12,531 --> 00:09:18,526
Habrazamdabra, flanimal ham.
227
00:09:18,527 --> 00:09:19,638
Oooooh.
228
00:09:19,639 --> 00:09:21,996
Try that now. It's all magic.
229
00:09:21,997 --> 00:09:24,927
- So, I just... Drink that down, eh?
- Yeah.
230
00:09:24,928 --> 00:09:27,420
- Straight down the gullet?
- Yeah.
231
00:09:27,421 --> 00:09:30,587
- Ooh. That is pungent.
- Yeah. That's the anus.
232
00:09:30,588 --> 00:09:33,012
Oh, what the hell.
233
00:09:33,013 --> 00:09:34,091
Oh, God.
234
00:09:34,092 --> 00:09:35,101
Mm.
235
00:09:35,102 --> 00:09:36,382
Hmm.
236
00:09:36,383 --> 00:09:39,785
Takes a little while to kick in
with a strong-willed...
237
00:09:39,786 --> 00:09:40,828
- I'm feeling it.
- Yeah.
238
00:09:43,291 --> 00:09:45,274
Oh, wow.
239
00:09:51,274 --> 00:09:54,739
All right, boss, we need an escape plan.
240
00:09:54,740 --> 00:09:57,128
- What are you thinking?
- Here's what I think.
241
00:09:58,744 --> 00:10:01,636
If you really break it down...
242
00:10:01,637 --> 00:10:04,295
"I love you as much as someone
like me could love anyone"
243
00:10:04,296 --> 00:10:05,506
can mean a lot of things.
244
00:10:05,507 --> 00:10:07,523
Oh, come on, man.
245
00:10:07,526 --> 00:10:09,173
Oh, just let it go!
246
00:10:09,174 --> 00:10:10,586
She's the worst!
247
00:10:10,587 --> 00:10:12,874
- She imprisoned us.
- She stole our jewels.
248
00:10:12,874 --> 00:10:15,229
- Yeah, not a fan.
- You want to know what I think?
249
00:10:15,231 --> 00:10:16,542
I think you're in a dungeon
250
00:10:16,543 --> 00:10:18,762
wondering if the woman
that put you there loves you.
251
00:10:18,763 --> 00:10:21,958
And the real question is,
why do you still love her?
252
00:10:21,959 --> 00:10:23,674
I mean, yes, she's beautiful,
253
00:10:23,675 --> 00:10:25,726
in a perfect-skin, perfect-body,
perfect-hair kind of way,
254
00:10:25,727 --> 00:10:27,106
if you're into that sort of thing.
255
00:10:27,107 --> 00:10:28,419
Mm.
256
00:10:28,420 --> 00:10:30,337
I know you, Galavant.
257
00:10:30,338 --> 00:10:32,927
I know your heart, and you deserve better.
258
00:10:32,928 --> 00:10:35,921
You deserve to be with someone
who will lift you up as a man,
259
00:10:35,922 --> 00:10:38,479
someone who will fight with you,
not against you.
260
00:10:38,480 --> 00:10:40,532
Maybe someone who's small and cute
261
00:10:40,533 --> 00:10:42,415
and ethnically hard to pin down.
262
00:10:45,311 --> 00:10:46,588
What you're saying is...
263
00:10:50,391 --> 00:10:51,938
you don't think she loves me?
264
00:10:51,939 --> 00:10:54,058
Bloody hell.
265
00:10:54,059 --> 00:10:56,446
Oh, please, just stop the torture
and kill me already.
266
00:10:56,447 --> 00:10:57,540
I haven't started yet.
267
00:10:57,542 --> 00:10:58,446
He's not part of it?
268
00:10:58,448 --> 00:11:00,990
Will everybody just shut up?!
269
00:11:01,091 --> 00:11:04,152
- Do you want to know what real torture is?
- No, I'm good. Thanks.
270
00:11:08,628 --> 00:11:11,689
Imagine being loyal
to someone your whole life.
271
00:11:11,690 --> 00:11:12,934
I'm not gonna tell you who,
272
00:11:12,935 --> 00:11:15,928
but hypothetically,
we'll call him "the king."
273
00:11:17,644 --> 00:11:20,100
He's a bit of a ponce, but I like him.
274
00:11:20,101 --> 00:11:23,262
Then he gets married
to this rump-fed basket cockle,
275
00:11:23,263 --> 00:11:26,223
who, hypothetically,
we'll call "the queen."
276
00:11:26,224 --> 00:11:27,939
We all know who you're
talking about, Gareth.
277
00:11:27,940 --> 00:11:30,530
But let me be cryptic
for a minute, will ya?!
278
00:11:30,531 --> 00:11:32,684
Just give me that!
279
00:11:32,685 --> 00:11:35,947
Now, she's not like "the king."
280
00:11:35,948 --> 00:11:38,673
But she's strong, and I mire strength.
281
00:11:38,674 --> 00:11:42,273
But, then again, I've sworn
an oath to protect the king.
282
00:11:42,274 --> 00:11:43,619
So I don't know what to do.
283
00:11:45,384 --> 00:11:48,234
I mean, that's real torture,
isn't it, lads?
284
00:11:57,553 --> 00:11:59,702
Welcome to Richard's journey
285
00:11:59,703 --> 00:12:02,859
to find out why he is the way he is.
286
00:12:02,860 --> 00:12:05,478
There's bottles of water in easy reach.
287
00:12:05,479 --> 00:12:07,392
Please stay hydrated.
288
00:12:07,393 --> 00:12:08,669
And no kissing.
289
00:12:08,670 --> 00:12:10,314
Of course. Wait. What?
290
00:12:10,315 --> 00:12:12,027
Oh... Shouldn't be an issue.
291
00:12:12,028 --> 00:12:13,942
But it has happened in the past,
292
00:12:13,943 --> 00:12:16,393
so I made a blanket rule... no kissing.
293
00:12:17,503 --> 00:12:19,818
Mm. Good idea.
294
00:12:19,819 --> 00:12:22,237
Okay. Everyone ready?
295
00:12:22,238 --> 00:12:23,345
Ribbit.
296
00:12:23,346 --> 00:12:27,341
♪ Close your eyes, open your mind ♪
297
00:12:27,342 --> 00:12:31,371
♪ Your journey's about to begin ♪
298
00:12:31,372 --> 00:12:35,200
♪ Relax your karma and try not to barf ♪
299
00:12:35,201 --> 00:12:39,735
♪ As the universe starts to spin ♪
300
00:12:39,736 --> 00:12:43,429
♪ Hocus-pocus, expealadocious ♪
301
00:12:43,430 --> 00:12:47,291
♪ Set your aura free ♪
302
00:12:47,292 --> 00:12:52,260
♪ Petrificus totalis,
drink deeply from the chalice ♪
303
00:12:52,261 --> 00:13:03,143
♪ Tell us what you see-e-e-e-e-e ♪
304
00:13:08,819 --> 00:13:09,960
I see a door!
305
00:13:12,714 --> 00:13:13,856
Oi! What did I say?
306
00:13:13,857 --> 00:13:15,333
No...
307
00:13:15,334 --> 00:13:17,080
Go through it.
308
00:13:17,081 --> 00:13:18,859
It's opening on its own!
309
00:13:18,860 --> 00:13:20,808
That's magic.
310
00:13:27,189 --> 00:13:29,271
This is the day my father died.
311
00:13:29,272 --> 00:13:32,595
♪ The king is dead, long live the king ♪
312
00:13:32,596 --> 00:13:36,122
♪ The king is dead, long live the king ♪
313
00:13:36,123 --> 00:13:39,749
♪ Where is his son,
who'll inherit everything? ♪
314
00:13:39,750 --> 00:13:42,167
Is that you, sire? So handsome.
315
00:13:42,169 --> 00:13:44,955
No. It's my much older brother, Kingsley.
316
00:13:44,955 --> 00:13:47,373
- I can't see anything!
- That's me.
317
00:13:47,374 --> 00:13:49,589
♪ Shut up, you ♪
318
00:13:49,590 --> 00:13:50,966
I can't see anything!
319
00:13:50,967 --> 00:13:52,410
♪ Shut up ♪
320
00:13:52,411 --> 00:13:53,384
Oh, dear.
321
00:13:53,385 --> 00:13:54,929
I ate my feelings.
322
00:13:54,930 --> 00:13:56,541
And a lot of bread.
323
00:13:56,542 --> 00:13:58,354
♪ The sword, Your Highness ♪
324
00:13:58,355 --> 00:14:00,369
♪ Here's the royal sword ♪
325
00:14:01,613 --> 00:14:03,057
No one gives me anything.
326
00:14:03,058 --> 00:14:06,784
♪ To be the king,
you must receive the sword ♪
327
00:14:06,785 --> 00:14:09,605
If I want something, I take it.
328
00:14:09,606 --> 00:14:11,250
And I don't want to be any king.
329
00:14:12,293 --> 00:14:14,576
Oh, but, Kingsley, it's your destiny.
330
00:14:14,577 --> 00:14:17,095
We literally named you "Kingsley."
331
00:14:17,096 --> 00:14:18,236
God told us to.
332
00:14:18,237 --> 00:14:20,218
It's not like we were being trendy.
333
00:14:20,219 --> 00:14:22,569
My destiny lies
beyond the castle walls, mother.
334
00:14:22,570 --> 00:14:24,617
I'm going to conquer and kill
335
00:14:24,618 --> 00:14:27,136
and spread bastard children
throughout the land,
336
00:14:27,137 --> 00:14:29,085
like wildflower seeds.
337
00:14:29,086 --> 00:14:31,267
Somebody else
can sit on their ass and rule.
338
00:14:31,268 --> 00:14:33,249
♪ But who? ♪
339
00:14:33,250 --> 00:14:35,029
- ♪ Who? ♪
- ♪ But who? ♪
340
00:14:35,030 --> 00:14:37,313
♪ Who? ♪
♪ But who? ♪
♪ But who? ♪
341
00:14:42,015 --> 00:14:43,122
Dickie?
342
00:14:43,123 --> 00:14:44,231
"Dickie."
343
00:14:45,272 --> 00:14:47,119
Brilliant.
344
00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:48,294
Gareth.
345
00:14:48,295 --> 00:14:49,604
Aye.
346
00:14:49,605 --> 00:14:51,183
You shall be the king's guard.
347
00:14:51,184 --> 00:14:53,903
I'm only 10, but... All right.
348
00:14:53,904 --> 00:14:56,454
I'm Gareth, and I'll faithfully
serve you, My King.
349
00:14:56,455 --> 00:14:59,680
♪ The sword, your highness ♪
350
00:14:59,681 --> 00:15:03,944
♪ Here's your royal sword ♪
351
00:15:03,945 --> 00:15:05,926
♪ To be the king, you mu... ♪
352
00:15:05,927 --> 00:15:08,310
Actually, I think I will take the sword.
353
00:15:09,722 --> 00:15:11,903
Good luck... Dickie.
354
00:15:15,498 --> 00:15:16,975
How humiliating.
355
00:15:16,976 --> 00:15:18,218
That's it.
356
00:15:18,219 --> 00:15:20,065
It was humiliating.
357
00:15:20,066 --> 00:15:23,087
Everything comes back to this moment.
358
00:15:23,088 --> 00:15:24,800
I have spent my entire life
359
00:15:24,802 --> 00:15:27,318
behaving as if
I'm everyone's second choice...
360
00:15:27,319 --> 00:15:29,535
my parents', my kingdom's,
and now my queen's.
361
00:15:29,544 --> 00:15:32,129
Let's go take back my kingdom!
362
00:15:34,238 --> 00:15:35,849
Where's that bloody door?
363
00:15:36,892 --> 00:15:39,040
Well, how the hell
are we supposed to get up there?
364
00:15:39,041 --> 00:15:41,391
That was amazing!
365
00:15:41,392 --> 00:15:42,801
Thank you, Xanax.
366
00:15:42,802 --> 00:15:44,884
I now know exactly what I must do.
367
00:15:44,885 --> 00:15:46,730
Come on, chef! To the horses!
368
00:15:46,731 --> 00:15:48,477
I wouldn't ride just yet.
369
00:15:48,478 --> 00:15:50,291
Again, it's a legal thing.
370
00:15:50,292 --> 00:15:54,286
A guy once... he took his horse
through a farmers market,
371
00:15:54,287 --> 00:15:55,866
and there was... "raaaaaah!"
372
00:15:55,867 --> 00:15:58,283
The hooves and the crushing
and s-screaming, so...
373
00:15:58,284 --> 00:16:00,399
- Ugh...
- Let the potion wear off.
374
00:16:00,400 --> 00:16:02,280
An hour, say?
375
00:16:02,281 --> 00:16:03,321
Oh. Okay.
376
00:16:03,322 --> 00:16:06,478
Hey, in that case, you guys want to
see my room from when I was a kid?
377
00:16:06,479 --> 00:16:07,888
Wow.
378
00:16:08,390 --> 00:16:09,831
Let's... let's do this.
379
00:16:10,135 --> 00:16:10,837
Great.
380
00:16:20,678 --> 00:16:22,014
Listen, Galavant...
381
00:16:22,015 --> 00:16:24,454
I know what I did to you was horrible...
382
00:16:24,455 --> 00:16:26,161
probably even worse
than what Madalena did to you,
383
00:16:26,162 --> 00:16:28,167
because at least she had
the guts to do it to your face.
384
00:16:28,168 --> 00:16:29,972
And I won't say it again,
385
00:16:29,973 --> 00:16:31,978
but I'm more sorry than you'll ever know.
386
00:16:31,979 --> 00:16:34,720
Just so you know... I'm really sorry.
387
00:16:34,721 --> 00:16:36,927
Oh, God. You must feel
really bad. You're babbling.
388
00:16:38,031 --> 00:16:40,036
You only babble when you feel really bad.
389
00:16:40,037 --> 00:16:42,478
I do not babble when I feel bad.
390
00:16:42,479 --> 00:16:43,614
I'm not saying it's a bad thing.
391
00:16:43,615 --> 00:16:45,754
To be honest,
I've rather grown to like it.
392
00:16:45,755 --> 00:16:47,760
But you do babble, princess.
393
00:16:47,761 --> 00:16:50,034
Princess Isa-babble.
394
00:16:50,035 --> 00:16:52,574
"Princess Isa-babble."
395
00:16:52,575 --> 00:16:54,054
Okay, hang on a sec.
396
00:16:54,080 --> 00:16:56,320
Babbling is when someone talks nonsense,
397
00:16:56,321 --> 00:16:57,958
and I do not talk nonsense.
398
00:16:57,959 --> 00:17:01,436
I mean... Sometimes, at times,
I guess I do babble,
399
00:17:01,437 --> 00:17:03,642
but it's only because I have
a lot going on in my head and...
400
00:17:03,643 --> 00:17:04,980
oh. Never mind.
401
00:17:04,981 --> 00:17:07,120
Look, you don't have to feel bad.
402
00:17:07,121 --> 00:17:09,026
They're your parents.
403
00:17:09,027 --> 00:17:11,165
When you care about somebody...
404
00:17:11,166 --> 00:17:12,803
You'll do anything for them.
405
00:17:13,974 --> 00:17:17,351
Love is... Strange.
406
00:17:17,352 --> 00:17:19,557
And sometimes kind of gross.
407
00:17:19,558 --> 00:17:22,733
♪ It's embarrassingly gassy ♪
408
00:17:22,734 --> 00:17:26,947
♪ And it leaves its dirty underwear ♪
409
00:17:26,948 --> 00:17:30,190
♪ In piles around the place ♪
410
00:17:30,191 --> 00:17:33,300
♪ Love is rude, it has a sort of smell ♪
411
00:17:33,301 --> 00:17:37,044
♪ And it thinks that you don't notice ♪
412
00:17:37,045 --> 00:17:38,616
♪ And it blurts out things ♪
413
00:17:38,617 --> 00:17:43,331
♪ That make you want
to smack its stupid face ♪
414
00:17:43,332 --> 00:17:46,307
♪ And it's awkward and confusing ♪
415
00:17:46,308 --> 00:17:49,583
♪ It annoys you half to death ♪
416
00:17:49,584 --> 00:17:51,423
♪ Then it grins that dopey grin ♪
417
00:17:51,424 --> 00:17:55,535
♪ And you can't catch your breath ♪
418
00:17:55,536 --> 00:17:59,045
♪ Love is strange
and sometimes sort of smug ♪
419
00:17:59,047 --> 00:18:02,657
♪ And it's really, really bossy ♪
420
00:18:02,658 --> 00:18:05,331
♪ And it messes with your head ♪
421
00:18:05,332 --> 00:18:09,578
♪ Till you're a hopeless basket case ♪
422
00:18:09,579 --> 00:18:10,915
♪ And it's stubborn ♪
423
00:18:10,916 --> 00:18:11,918
♪ It's insulting ♪
424
00:18:11,919 --> 00:18:13,791
♪ It's obnoxious ♪
425
00:18:13,792 --> 00:18:15,295
♪ It's the worst ♪
426
00:18:15,296 --> 00:18:21,347
♪ You keep pushing it away,
and you fall in headfirst ♪
427
00:18:21,348 --> 00:18:25,126
♪ Love is strange ♪
428
00:18:25,127 --> 00:18:27,299
♪ And often pretty drunk ♪
429
00:18:27,300 --> 00:18:30,073
♪ It looks different without makeup ♪
430
00:18:30,074 --> 00:18:33,819
♪ And it's nothing like the fairy tales ♪
431
00:18:33,820 --> 00:18:36,962
♪ You grow up dreaming of ♪
432
00:18:36,963 --> 00:18:38,065
♪ Love is weird ♪
433
00:18:38,066 --> 00:18:40,072
♪ Love is dumb ♪
434
00:18:40,073 --> 00:18:43,014
♪ Love is strange ♪
435
00:18:43,015 --> 00:18:54,515
♪ And that's what makes it lo-o-o-o-o-ve ♪
436
00:18:54,516 --> 00:18:56,689
I've been so blind.
437
00:18:56,690 --> 00:18:58,795
Madalena never loved me.
438
00:18:58,796 --> 00:19:00,902
When you love someone,
you shout it from the rooftop,
439
00:19:00,903 --> 00:19:02,372
not couch it in a riddle.
440
00:19:02,373 --> 00:19:03,643
Or in a song.
441
00:19:03,644 --> 00:19:05,049
That's more cinematic.
442
00:19:06,486 --> 00:19:08,225
Well, how's that for timing?
443
00:19:08,226 --> 00:19:10,029
Our stars are finally aligning
444
00:19:10,030 --> 00:19:12,002
on the same day I'm going to die.
445
00:19:12,003 --> 00:19:13,742
No.
446
00:19:15,281 --> 00:19:18,356
No, you're not gonna die today.
447
00:19:18,357 --> 00:19:20,194
And you're not gonna die today.
448
00:19:20,195 --> 00:19:22,769
And you're not gonna die today.
449
00:19:24,308 --> 00:19:25,644
You might already be dead.
450
00:19:26,849 --> 00:19:29,156
Well, what are you going to do?
451
00:19:29,157 --> 00:19:30,359
What else?
452
00:19:30,360 --> 00:19:32,265
Save the day.
453
00:19:35,475 --> 00:19:37,380
Have these been open the whole time?
454
00:19:38,820 --> 00:19:40,958
No one thought to check?
455
00:19:40,836 --> 00:19:42,275
Really?
456
00:19:48,232 --> 00:19:50,080
Is it done? Did you torture them?
457
00:19:50,080 --> 00:19:51,761
Nah.
458
00:19:51,762 --> 00:19:53,206
But I gave you an order.
459
00:19:53,206 --> 00:19:55,592
I don't give a rat's ass
about your orders.
460
00:19:55,593 --> 00:19:58,381
I might be a dog, but at least
I'm a loyal one, love.
461
00:19:59,660 --> 00:20:02,683
Now, I serve the king,
so I only follow his orders.
462
00:20:02,685 --> 00:20:06,380
That is so nice to hear.
463
00:20:06,381 --> 00:20:10,010
You have always been
my most loyal friend, Gareth.
464
00:20:10,012 --> 00:20:12,766
I know you're not a hugger,
but if you were,
465
00:20:12,767 --> 00:20:14,816
I would wrap myself around you
466
00:20:14,817 --> 00:20:17,101
like a leather jacket made of love.
467
00:20:17,102 --> 00:20:18,547
Mm.
468
00:20:18,548 --> 00:20:19,555
Xanax?
469
00:20:19,556 --> 00:20:20,933
- So much Xanax.
- Mm.
470
00:20:20,934 --> 00:20:22,109
Okay, couple of things.
471
00:20:22,110 --> 00:20:25,470
First, chef, I am so munchy.
472
00:20:25,471 --> 00:20:27,386
Could you make me, like, a cheesy omelette
473
00:20:27,387 --> 00:20:29,839
with some ham chunks,
potatoes fried in bacon grease?
474
00:20:29,840 --> 00:20:31,285
- Right away, sire.
- Excellent.
475
00:20:31,286 --> 00:20:33,502
Next, I'm breaking up with you.
476
00:20:33,503 --> 00:20:36,930
Gareth, would you please escort
Madalena down to the dungeon
477
00:20:36,931 --> 00:20:38,577
and lock her up forever?
478
00:20:38,579 --> 00:20:39,553
Huh?
479
00:20:41,771 --> 00:20:42,779
Come on.
480
00:20:42,780 --> 00:20:44,425
Wait!
481
00:20:44,426 --> 00:20:46,812
It would be rude to imprison your queen
482
00:20:46,813 --> 00:20:49,064
when we have such a special visitor.
483
00:20:49,065 --> 00:20:50,476
What visitor?
484
00:20:50,477 --> 00:20:52,728
What are you talking about?
485
00:20:53,837 --> 00:20:55,316
Hello, brother.
486
00:20:58,307 --> 00:20:59,314
Kingsley?
487
00:20:59,316 --> 00:21:00,390
What's he doing here?
488
00:21:00,391 --> 00:21:01,667
What are you doing here?
489
00:21:01,668 --> 00:21:03,012
I'm here to take your life.
490
00:21:03,013 --> 00:21:04,815
My life?
491
00:21:04,818 --> 00:21:06,663
Your lifestyle.
492
00:21:07,314 --> 00:21:08,657
Your kingdom.
493
00:21:08,658 --> 00:21:12,221
Of course, if you get in my way,
494
00:21:12,222 --> 00:21:16,265
I'll have to take your life, too...
495
00:21:19,104 --> 00:21:21,119
Dickie.
496
00:21:22,168 --> 00:21:24,146
This is gonna to be fun.
35129
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