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1
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Behold, my fellow travelers.
2
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Today, we cross the winding straits
3
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to the rocky river
to the shores of Valencia.
4
00:00:09,676 --> 00:00:11,744
No, I wouldn't take the rocky river route.
5
00:00:11,745 --> 00:00:13,679
There are rumors of thieves and bandits.
6
00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:15,381
I don't care about bandits.
7
00:00:15,382 --> 00:00:19,058
I'm Galavant, and Galavant will
be deterred by no foe in his...
8
00:00:19,058 --> 00:00:21,022
Who ate all the raisins
out of the trail mix?
9
00:00:21,022 --> 00:00:23,118
I hate cashews, and Brazil nuts are gross.
10
00:00:23,149 --> 00:00:25,348
You know what?
11
00:00:25,349 --> 00:00:27,987
Heroes get the raisins.
And they choose the path.
12
00:00:27,988 --> 00:00:30,221
That's just the way it goes.
13
00:00:30,222 --> 00:00:33,537
Look, can we just hold it
together for a few more days?
14
00:00:33,538 --> 00:00:35,357
We've been doing so well, right?
15
00:00:35,359 --> 00:00:37,395
- Right.
- Right.
16
00:00:37,396 --> 00:00:39,152
♪ We eat together ♪
17
00:00:39,152 --> 00:00:40,616
♪ We drink together ♪
18
00:00:40,773 --> 00:00:43,694
♪ We work in perfect sync together ♪
19
00:00:43,694 --> 00:00:44,531
♪ We smile ♪
20
00:00:44,533 --> 00:00:45,716
- ♪ Frown ♪
- ♪ Blink ♪
21
00:00:45,720 --> 00:00:49,221
♪ Together completely ♪
22
00:00:49,222 --> 00:00:52,622
♪ We walk together, in time together ♪
23
00:00:52,623 --> 00:00:53,835
- ♪ Can't help ♪
- ♪ Yelp ♪
24
00:00:53,836 --> 00:00:55,619
- ♪ Kelp ♪
♪ But rhyme together ♪
25
00:00:55,620 --> 00:01:01,142
♪ Our voices chime together so neatly ♪
26
00:01:01,143 --> 00:01:04,712
♪ And togetherness is what we do ♪
27
00:01:04,713 --> 00:01:07,574
♪ Together, me and him and you ♪
28
00:01:07,575 --> 00:01:09,947
- ♪ Like rock ♪
- ♪ And scissors ♪
29
00:01:09,947 --> 00:01:12,154
♪ And paper ♪
30
00:01:12,223 --> 00:01:14,057
♪ And stuck together ♪
31
00:01:14,058 --> 00:01:15,392
♪ All day together ♪
32
00:01:15,393 --> 00:01:18,495
♪ We're in each other's way together ♪
33
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♪ Our quirks are on display together ♪
34
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♪ Or nearly ♪
35
00:01:24,101 --> 00:01:27,759
♪ But togetherness
will see us through ♪
36
00:01:27,759 --> 00:01:30,554
♪ Unless I kill the other two ♪
37
00:01:30,555 --> 00:01:33,691
♪ Or we kill her together ♪
38
00:01:33,692 --> 00:01:36,527
♪ But there's some things we don't share ♪
39
00:01:36,528 --> 00:01:40,864
♪ Like the way I've kind of
sort of totally played him ♪
40
00:01:41,037 --> 00:01:45,274
♪ Oh, God, I've betrayed him ♪
41
00:01:45,275 --> 00:01:48,744
♪ And there's some things we don't share ♪
42
00:01:48,745 --> 00:01:54,416
♪ Like I'm kind of sort of
always thinking about her ♪
43
00:01:54,417 --> 00:01:58,420
♪ Or like how you both ignore me
all of the... ♪
44
00:01:58,421 --> 00:02:00,923
♪ Each day together's
a chore together ♪
45
00:02:00,924 --> 00:02:02,942
- ♪ A belching ♪
- ♪ Nagging ♪
46
00:02:02,942 --> 00:02:04,311
- ♪ Bore ♪
♪ Together ♪
47
00:02:04,312 --> 00:02:07,681
♪ then listening to her
snore together ♪
48
00:02:09,350 --> 00:02:12,753
It's like she's a bear.
49
00:02:12,754 --> 00:02:16,256
♪ But together, though,
is what we'll be ♪
50
00:02:16,257 --> 00:02:19,226
♪ For what feels like eternity ♪
51
00:02:19,263 --> 00:02:20,797
- ♪ Together ♪
- ♪ Me ♪
52
00:02:20,798 --> 00:02:22,365
- ♪ And me ♪
- ♪ And me ♪
53
00:02:22,366 --> 00:02:25,268
♪ As one ♪
54
00:02:25,302 --> 00:02:27,920
♪ As one ♪
55
00:02:27,920 --> 00:02:31,297
♪ As one! ♪
56
00:02:31,297 --> 00:02:37,258
♪ As... ♪
♪ As o-o-o-one! ♪
57
00:02:37,259 --> 00:02:39,089
- That is so typical.
- What's typical?
58
00:02:39,240 --> 00:02:41,176
I thought you said I was gonna
have the big finish this time.
59
00:02:41,178 --> 00:02:42,412
It was supposed to be my turn afterwards.
60
00:02:42,413 --> 00:02:44,247
- It's never your turn.
- Well, no, that's...
61
00:02:45,416 --> 00:02:46,649
Bandits.
62
00:02:46,664 --> 00:02:49,821
- If only someone had warned us.
- Yeah, well, you snore.
63
00:02:50,907 --> 00:02:52,367
Galavant - 01x04
Comedy Gold
64
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sync and correction by solfieri
www.addic7ed.com
65
00:02:58,135 --> 00:03:01,869
I've got something else
you can do with your hands.
66
00:03:05,503 --> 00:03:09,049
I cannot believe My Queen is
cheating on me with that joker.
67
00:03:09,049 --> 00:03:10,523
He's a jester, sir.
68
00:03:10,659 --> 00:03:12,316
I know he's a jester, Gareth.
69
00:03:12,317 --> 00:03:14,061
I was insulting him
by calling him a joker,
70
00:03:14,068 --> 00:03:15,959
like when you call someone a clown.
71
00:03:15,959 --> 00:03:19,061
- But people like clowns.
- Damn it, man! Would you just let me vent?!
72
00:03:20,582 --> 00:03:23,399
I think I know why Madalena
likes him more than me.
73
00:03:23,473 --> 00:03:25,441
He's funny.
74
00:03:25,442 --> 00:03:27,810
How do I compete with that?
75
00:03:28,015 --> 00:03:30,726
Well, funny's easy. I mean, I'm funny.
76
00:03:30,727 --> 00:03:31,618
Really?
77
00:03:31,618 --> 00:03:33,776
- Yeah. Knock, knock.
- Who's there?
78
00:03:34,126 --> 00:03:35,746
He's a you thing up
79
00:03:35,747 --> 00:03:37,981
you in the chair
80
00:03:37,982 --> 00:03:39,782
with the and knees
81
00:03:39,783 --> 00:03:43,818
is taking it
out that son
82
00:03:44,011 --> 00:03:45,269
Good Lord, Gareth.
83
00:03:45,269 --> 00:03:46,962
Do you kiss my ring with that mouth?
84
00:03:46,962 --> 00:03:48,784
My mum taught me that one.
85
00:03:48,785 --> 00:03:50,986
Oof.
86
00:03:52,789 --> 00:03:55,958
Now, if that fool is tickling
my wife's funny bone,
87
00:03:55,988 --> 00:03:58,156
it leaves me no choice.
88
00:03:58,157 --> 00:04:00,558
I know what I have to do.
89
00:04:06,266 --> 00:04:08,534
Hello, jester.
90
00:04:08,535 --> 00:04:10,969
Do you think I'm an idiot?
91
00:04:10,970 --> 00:04:16,942
I know precisely what you have
been doing with my wife.
92
00:04:16,958 --> 00:04:19,460
Aah!
93
00:04:20,736 --> 00:04:22,237
It's a bendy sword.
94
00:04:22,238 --> 00:04:23,405
Isn't that fantastic?
95
00:04:23,406 --> 00:04:25,340
Oh!
96
00:04:26,597 --> 00:04:28,343
Not even a giggle.
97
00:04:28,364 --> 00:04:32,467
See, this is precisely
why I need your help.
98
00:04:32,547 --> 00:04:34,392
Please teach me to be funny.
99
00:04:34,393 --> 00:04:36,066
I'm begging you.
100
00:04:36,067 --> 00:04:37,398
- Gah!
- Ohh!
101
00:04:37,399 --> 00:04:39,107
- Oh!
- Aah!
102
00:04:39,277 --> 00:04:42,379
Even when you know it
bends, you still think... whoa!
103
00:04:43,334 --> 00:04:46,469
Please tell me you hid the jewel.
104
00:04:46,547 --> 00:04:48,084
Of course I hid the jewel...
105
00:04:48,085 --> 00:04:50,143
In a place where no one will ever find it.
106
00:04:50,144 --> 00:04:52,592
Uh, excuse me. Where are you taking us?
107
00:04:52,592 --> 00:04:55,308
The pirate king will decide your fate.
108
00:04:57,911 --> 00:04:59,712
"I don't care what road we choose.
109
00:04:59,826 --> 00:05:00,993
I'm Galavant.
110
00:05:00,994 --> 00:05:03,082
- I get to eat the raisins."
- "I'm Isabella.
111
00:05:03,084 --> 00:05:05,531
I chew with my mouth open like
a cow working on a fresh cud."
112
00:05:05,532 --> 00:05:08,000
I have a deviated septum. I told you that.
113
00:05:08,045 --> 00:05:09,679
I can't breathe through my nose.
114
00:05:09,745 --> 00:05:12,046
If I chew with my mouth closed,
I'd get no air.
115
00:05:12,085 --> 00:05:13,239
Do you want me to die?
116
00:05:15,107 --> 00:05:16,632
Well...
117
00:05:16,633 --> 00:05:20,230
Wait. What are pirates doing
miles from the ocean?
118
00:05:25,119 --> 00:05:28,003
I'm... so sorry. Am I missing something?
119
00:05:28,004 --> 00:05:29,361
Where's your boat?
120
00:05:29,362 --> 00:05:33,172
I'll be asking the questions around here.
121
00:05:33,172 --> 00:05:34,938
Arr!
122
00:05:34,938 --> 00:05:36,902
Actually, go ahead.
123
00:05:36,953 --> 00:05:38,479
I didn't have a question ready.
124
00:05:38,480 --> 00:05:42,092
Um... don't you need a boat to be pirates?
125
00:05:42,092 --> 00:05:43,916
You're on land.
126
00:05:43,917 --> 00:05:46,785
- Land ho!
- Carl, stop it.
127
00:05:46,786 --> 00:05:50,422
All you need to be a pirate
is a dark heart
128
00:05:50,576 --> 00:05:53,345
and a wicked disregard
for other people's lives.
129
00:05:53,346 --> 00:05:54,646
And swords.
130
00:05:54,647 --> 00:05:57,649
Of course swords.
That goes without saying.
131
00:05:57,748 --> 00:05:59,629
Everyone knows pirates need swords.
132
00:05:59,629 --> 00:06:01,478
- What about a hook hand?
- Parrots? Peg legs.
133
00:06:01,698 --> 00:06:05,072
- Land ho!
- I said stop it!
134
00:06:05,073 --> 00:06:08,653
Maybe it'll be easier to explain
in a pirate shanty.
135
00:06:08,654 --> 00:06:11,380
♪ Ho ♪
136
00:06:11,381 --> 00:06:13,597
♪ Ho ♪
137
00:06:13,769 --> 00:06:15,823
♪ We're cruel and vicious pirate men ♪
138
00:06:15,823 --> 00:06:18,038
♪ As hard and tough as brass ♪
139
00:06:18,196 --> 00:06:20,197
♪ By far the fearsomest buccaneers ♪
140
00:06:20,198 --> 00:06:21,565
♪ To ever walk on grass ♪
141
00:06:21,566 --> 00:06:23,968
- ♪ We pillage here ♪
- ♪ And plunder there ♪
142
00:06:23,969 --> 00:06:26,137
♪ We rage from dusk till dawn ♪
143
00:06:26,139 --> 00:06:28,106
♪ we hoist the anchor
and swab the deck ♪
144
00:06:28,107 --> 00:06:29,908
♪ Then gather for drinks on the lawn ♪
145
00:06:29,909 --> 00:06:32,210
♪ We're the lords of the sea ♪
146
00:06:32,340 --> 00:06:34,140
♪ Except we aren't at sea ♪
147
00:06:34,140 --> 00:06:36,140
♪ We're the lords of the sea ♪
148
00:06:36,210 --> 00:06:38,011
♪ Just not of the actual sea ♪
149
00:06:38,116 --> 00:06:39,937
Arr...
150
00:06:39,938 --> 00:06:43,747
♪ Now, how we ended up here,
'tis a dire and dreadful tale ♪
151
00:06:43,748 --> 00:06:47,762
♪ The kind to leave the meanest
rogue a-puking o'er the rail ♪
152
00:06:47,763 --> 00:06:49,751
♪ So fateful, so accursed ♪
153
00:06:49,752 --> 00:06:52,180
♪ Such a stroke of evil luck ♪
154
00:06:52,181 --> 00:06:54,169
♪ our ship washed up
on that thar hill ♪
155
00:06:54,170 --> 00:06:55,745
♪ And hey, I guess it stuck ♪
156
00:06:55,747 --> 00:07:00,139
♪ so now we hold the river
here by brutal, violent force ♪
157
00:07:00,140 --> 00:07:02,433
♪ We've also taken up gardening ♪
158
00:07:02,434 --> 00:07:04,524
- ♪ Sustainably ♪
- ♪ Of course ♪
159
00:07:04,525 --> 00:07:06,515
♪ we make you pay to cross this way ♪
160
00:07:06,516 --> 00:07:08,673
♪ And squeeze you till it hurts ♪
161
00:07:08,674 --> 00:07:10,642
♪ And on the side, we sell a line ♪
162
00:07:10,744 --> 00:07:12,514
♪ Of homemade organic desserts ♪
163
00:07:12,514 --> 00:07:14,779
♪ We're the lords of the sea ♪
164
00:07:15,127 --> 00:07:16,506
♪ Though, technically, next to the sea ♪
165
00:07:16,637 --> 00:07:18,446
♪ We're the lords of the sea ♪
166
00:07:18,446 --> 00:07:27,200
♪ Or sort of "of the se-e-a"! ♪
167
00:07:29,834 --> 00:07:34,697
So, now we live here,
and we rob any passersby.
168
00:07:34,697 --> 00:07:37,146
- Which brings us back to you.
- Please, sir.
169
00:07:37,219 --> 00:07:40,121
We're merely poor travelers
with nothing worth taking.
170
00:07:40,122 --> 00:07:44,125
Hey, captain. Look what I found.
171
00:07:45,160 --> 00:07:47,495
Oh, for the love of g... in your purse?
172
00:07:47,588 --> 00:07:49,889
That's where you thought
no one would look for it?
173
00:07:49,890 --> 00:07:51,557
I put it with my girls' supplies.
174
00:07:51,558 --> 00:07:54,394
Guys never look there.
They must have sisters.
175
00:07:55,717 --> 00:08:00,187
Poor travelers, huh?
Well, what do we have here?
176
00:08:00,188 --> 00:08:01,355
It's a jewel.
177
00:08:01,356 --> 00:08:03,524
I know it's a jewe... you know what?
178
00:08:03,661 --> 00:08:05,495
You're having a time-out. Go to your tent.
179
00:08:05,496 --> 00:08:08,064
Don't you give me that look.
180
00:08:13,656 --> 00:08:16,719
Right. Comedy lessons. Let's begin.
181
00:08:16,720 --> 00:08:19,371
I'm sorry. What is that noise?
182
00:08:19,371 --> 00:08:23,093
It's my bells, sire. I'm terrified.
183
00:08:23,161 --> 00:08:24,305
Don't be.
184
00:08:24,338 --> 00:08:26,484
I already told you
I've decided not to kill you.
185
00:08:26,605 --> 00:08:28,239
I mean, not that I don't want to.
186
00:08:28,239 --> 00:08:29,973
In fact, it would be mondo satisfying
187
00:08:30,095 --> 00:08:32,363
to cut your face off
and sew it back on inside out.
188
00:08:36,326 --> 00:08:38,486
Nah, I'll stick with my first plan.
189
00:08:38,679 --> 00:08:41,014
Teach me to be funny so I can woo my wife.
190
00:08:42,865 --> 00:08:44,484
Whatever you say, My King.
191
00:08:46,278 --> 00:08:49,103
♪ Comedy is easy
once you know the basics ♪
192
00:08:49,105 --> 00:08:51,654
♪ Starting with the concept of surprise ♪
193
00:08:51,655 --> 00:08:52,344
Right.
194
00:08:52,345 --> 00:08:54,930
♪ Take what folks
think, give it a wink ♪
195
00:08:54,931 --> 00:08:57,343
♪ You try it on now for size ♪
196
00:08:57,344 --> 00:08:58,826
- Me?
- Yeah.
197
00:09:03,550 --> 00:09:05,169
He was surprised.
198
00:09:05,170 --> 00:09:06,341
Uh...
199
00:09:06,342 --> 00:09:08,341
- ♪ Comedy gold ♪
- Really?
200
00:09:08,342 --> 00:09:10,478
♪ I'm telling you, it's comedy gold ♪
201
00:09:10,479 --> 00:09:11,477
Yes.
202
00:09:11,478 --> 00:09:12,615
♪ You're killing it ♪
203
00:09:12,616 --> 00:09:14,236
♪ If that doesn't slay 'em ♪
204
00:09:14,237 --> 00:09:15,545
♪ I'll murder you cold ♪
205
00:09:15,546 --> 00:09:18,752
♪ Swear to God, it's comedy gold ♪
206
00:09:18,753 --> 00:09:21,095
Well, our work here is done,
so I'll just be going.
207
00:09:21,096 --> 00:09:22,337
Oh, we're just getting started.
208
00:09:22,338 --> 00:09:24,912
- Ah, right.
- Lesson two!
209
00:09:24,912 --> 00:09:28,277
♪ Lesson number two is also fundamental ♪
210
00:09:28,278 --> 00:09:31,432
♪ Something that we call
"the rule of three" ♪
211
00:09:31,434 --> 00:09:34,692
♪ Set up the joke, give it a stroke ♪
212
00:09:34,693 --> 00:09:35,892
♪ Third time, bam ♪
213
00:09:35,893 --> 00:09:37,380
Yes! Now me!
214
00:09:37,380 --> 00:09:38,597
Three serfs walk into a bar.
215
00:09:38,598 --> 00:09:39,932
The first serf orders a hot grog.
216
00:09:39,932 --> 00:09:41,233
The second serf orders a hot grog.
217
00:09:41,234 --> 00:09:43,636
And the third serf orders a hot grog.
218
00:09:43,708 --> 00:09:47,262
But he has no money and neither do
the other two because they're serfs.
219
00:09:47,420 --> 00:09:48,449
Huh?
220
00:09:49,633 --> 00:09:50,973
♪ Comedy gold ♪
221
00:09:50,974 --> 00:09:54,684
- Yes! Nailed it!
- ♪ I promise you, it's comedy gold ♪
222
00:09:54,685 --> 00:09:56,300
♪ Hilarious ♪
223
00:09:56,301 --> 00:09:59,702
- ♪ The crowd will be rolling ♪
- ♪ Or heads will be rolled ♪
224
00:09:59,703 --> 00:10:01,523
♪ Oh, not with all this comedy gold ♪
225
00:10:01,524 --> 00:10:02,377
More, more!
226
00:10:02,379 --> 00:10:05,372
♪ Props can be a riot,
ethnic humor, can't deny it ♪
227
00:10:05,373 --> 00:10:08,053
♪ Or a pratfall,
if it's properly applied ♪
228
00:10:08,054 --> 00:10:12,039
♪ Depending on the viewer,
take it black or work it bluer ♪
229
00:10:12,040 --> 00:10:14,093
♪ Or try an observational aside ♪
230
00:10:14,858 --> 00:10:16,782
Have you ever noticed how lepers
231
00:10:16,783 --> 00:10:18,432
have pieces falling off of them?
232
00:10:18,433 --> 00:10:21,112
I mean, what's that all about?
233
00:10:22,144 --> 00:10:24,583
♪ Gonna be killer ♪
234
00:10:24,584 --> 00:10:27,229
♪ Gonna be ace ♪
235
00:10:27,230 --> 00:10:33,666
♪ Folks dying of laughter
all over the place ♪
236
00:10:33,666 --> 00:10:36,647
♪ And if I get desperate ♪
237
00:10:36,773 --> 00:10:39,272
♪ A pie in the face? ♪
238
00:10:39,273 --> 00:10:40,779
I dare you.
239
00:10:41,841 --> 00:10:44,991
♪ Telling you, it's comedy gold ♪
240
00:10:44,992 --> 00:10:47,971
Oh! You are a wonderful teacher.
241
00:10:47,978 --> 00:10:51,756
Perhaps now I shall finally be able to
satisfy my wife the same way you have.
242
00:10:53,718 --> 00:10:56,905
My God, we've got a strange relationship.
243
00:10:56,905 --> 00:10:59,101
♪ Telling you, it's comedy gold ♪
244
00:11:03,148 --> 00:11:05,171
Pirates, that's pomade.
245
00:11:05,172 --> 00:11:08,497
It's for relaxing my curls, not eating.
246
00:11:11,894 --> 00:11:14,225
Right, men.
247
00:11:14,225 --> 00:11:17,339
Let's stow this booty in the chest.
248
00:11:17,339 --> 00:11:19,168
Carl, give me the key.
249
00:11:23,371 --> 00:11:25,620
Oh, come on, guys. Not again.
250
00:11:25,678 --> 00:11:27,604
These idiots really stink
at being pirates.
251
00:11:27,604 --> 00:11:28,681
No kidding.
252
00:11:28,830 --> 00:11:30,231
Unbelievable.
253
00:11:30,232 --> 00:11:33,367
It's kind of nice being
on the same page, isn't it?
254
00:11:33,368 --> 00:11:35,302
It is nice to have a break
255
00:11:35,479 --> 00:11:37,547
from the relentless stream
of criticism, yeah.
256
00:11:37,548 --> 00:11:40,884
Maybe if you did things right,
I wouldn't have to say it.
257
00:11:40,885 --> 00:11:42,285
- Mouth breather.
- Egomaniac.
258
00:11:42,483 --> 00:11:44,050
And it's over.
259
00:11:44,051 --> 00:11:48,121
You. Walk with me.
260
00:11:49,678 --> 00:11:51,181
Oh, right. Of course.
261
00:12:02,393 --> 00:12:03,725
Lads, could you give me a hand?
262
00:12:03,726 --> 00:12:04,853
Arr.
263
00:12:08,647 --> 00:12:13,020
You know, we met before, at Lilith Faire,
264
00:12:13,083 --> 00:12:15,378
the island of Lesbos.
265
00:12:15,379 --> 00:12:18,974
I looked a little different...
Fewer wrinkles.
266
00:12:18,975 --> 00:12:20,791
More like...
267
00:12:20,792 --> 00:12:22,332
Yes, of course.
268
00:12:22,333 --> 00:12:24,832
Well, you're Peter Pillager,
the pirate king.
269
00:12:25,525 --> 00:12:27,511
Well, your men used to be
the scourge of the seas.
270
00:12:28,646 --> 00:12:29,680
What happened there?
271
00:12:29,681 --> 00:12:31,281
Oh.
272
00:12:31,443 --> 00:12:34,312
You know how it is when you
spend too much time with people.
273
00:12:34,313 --> 00:12:36,447
Little things start to get to you...
274
00:12:36,448 --> 00:12:38,382
- Oh...
- And before you know it,
275
00:12:38,383 --> 00:12:40,351
it's all about who's taken whose booty.
276
00:12:40,486 --> 00:12:42,254
"It's my booty." "No, it's my booty."
277
00:12:42,373 --> 00:12:44,048
booty, booty, booty.
278
00:12:44,049 --> 00:12:46,685
- You stopped working together.
- Big-time.
279
00:12:46,685 --> 00:12:50,534
We can't even agree on how to
get our ship off that damn hill.
280
00:12:50,535 --> 00:12:54,999
The truth is...
I could do with a man like you.
281
00:12:55,170 --> 00:12:58,358
So I have a proposition.
282
00:12:58,358 --> 00:13:02,003
Either, "A," I kill all of you
283
00:13:03,070 --> 00:13:08,394
and keep that jewel
and the girls' supplies.
284
00:13:06,368 --> 00:13:10,168
Or "B," you join me and I let your squire
285
00:13:11,541 --> 00:13:12,875
and that annoying little
mouth breather go.
286
00:13:14,800 --> 00:13:15,652
Well, in all fairness to her,
287
00:13:16,314 --> 00:13:18,163
only 'cause she's not here
to defend herself,
288
00:13:19,057 --> 00:13:20,849
the mouth breathing
is a medical condition,
289
00:13:20,956 --> 00:13:23,896
- so she can't really help it.
- Seems like a pretty simple fix to me.
290
00:13:23,999 --> 00:13:26,117
Put food in mouth, close mouth, chew.
291
00:13:26,200 --> 00:13:27,766
What kind of moron can't do that?
292
00:13:30,402 --> 00:13:32,805
Again, not to get into semantics here,
293
00:13:32,900 --> 00:13:35,775
but if she closes her mouth
while she eats,
294
00:13:35,855 --> 00:13:38,220
she's literally not breathing
out of anywhere.
295
00:13:39,900 --> 00:13:40,738
You get used to it.
296
00:13:41,396 --> 00:13:43,859
Honestly, lately, I can't fall asleep
until she starts snoring.
297
00:13:43,950 --> 00:13:45,740
Dude, you're making me uncomfortable.
298
00:13:46,400 --> 00:13:48,838
Who are you choosing,
me or the mouth breather?
299
00:13:49,400 --> 00:13:52,194
Call her a "mouth breather" one more time.
300
00:13:52,900 --> 00:13:53,600
Mouth breather.
301
00:13:55,212 --> 00:13:55,682
How did you do that?
302
00:13:56,681 --> 00:13:58,615
I keep trying to tell everyone...
303
00:13:58,696 --> 00:13:59,863
Oh.
304
00:13:59,864 --> 00:14:02,399
I'm not just the guy
that eats the raisins.
305
00:14:05,272 --> 00:14:07,294
Excuse me, excuse me.
306
00:14:07,295 --> 00:14:10,310
Chef coming through. Thank you.
This way, my lady.
307
00:14:10,381 --> 00:14:11,986
Here's your table, My Queen.
308
00:14:11,986 --> 00:14:14,631
What fresh idiocy does king
Richard have in store for me now?
309
00:14:14,632 --> 00:14:16,110
Um, I'm...
310
00:14:16,110 --> 00:14:17,890
That was rhetorical. Shoo.
311
00:14:17,891 --> 00:14:20,544
Chef out.
312
00:14:23,281 --> 00:14:25,006
Welcome to the show!
313
00:14:25,006 --> 00:14:28,019
I introduce to you, without further ado,
314
00:14:28,057 --> 00:14:29,524
the king of comedy!
315
00:14:29,525 --> 00:14:32,841
Hello! Thank you very, very, very much.
316
00:14:32,947 --> 00:14:34,900
Now, I understand you've all come here
317
00:14:34,901 --> 00:14:37,836
under threat of death,
and I appreciate it.
318
00:14:38,003 --> 00:14:40,538
In fact... I ordered it.
319
00:14:43,384 --> 00:14:45,322
Everybody laugh!
320
00:14:46,956 --> 00:14:48,647
What on God's flat earth is going on?
321
00:14:48,649 --> 00:14:51,309
Well, they say the way to a woman's heart
322
00:14:51,310 --> 00:14:54,358
- is through her funny bone, so...
- Oh, God. Let's not do this.
323
00:14:54,360 --> 00:14:57,364
Why did the king go to the dentist?
324
00:14:57,365 --> 00:14:58,792
To get his teeth crowned.
325
00:14:58,793 --> 00:15:00,992
To get his teeth crowned.
Uh, you've heard that one.
326
00:15:00,994 --> 00:15:03,350
Mm! "You might be a peasant" jokes.
327
00:15:03,351 --> 00:15:07,704
If you have more children than teeth,
328
00:15:07,705 --> 00:15:10,392
you might be a peasant.
329
00:15:13,148 --> 00:15:15,358
Is this thing on?
330
00:15:15,359 --> 00:15:18,831
Ugh. He's dying out there.
Give him the pie.
331
00:15:18,831 --> 00:15:20,349
Now?!
332
00:15:20,526 --> 00:15:22,231
That's the big finale.
333
00:15:22,231 --> 00:15:24,283
Damn it, man, look at the poor bastard.
334
00:15:24,290 --> 00:15:25,757
Give him the pie.
335
00:15:25,758 --> 00:15:32,085
If your toilet is a tree,
then you might be...
336
00:15:38,831 --> 00:15:41,966
She laughed! It worked! She laughed!
337
00:15:42,102 --> 00:15:45,524
Quick, give me more pies so I can
keep hitting Gareth in the face.
338
00:15:45,524 --> 00:15:48,875
Or someone else. I-I can pie someone else.
339
00:15:51,852 --> 00:15:52,839
You're a fool.
340
00:15:52,839 --> 00:15:54,485
When my men see me captive,
341
00:15:54,486 --> 00:15:56,987
they will swarm on you like hornets.
342
00:15:57,032 --> 00:15:58,366
No. Bees.
343
00:15:58,367 --> 00:15:59,534
No, hornets was better.
344
00:15:59,535 --> 00:16:01,035
Well, you can let them try,
345
00:16:01,036 --> 00:16:03,799
but I'll be damned if I'm letting my team
end up like yours.
346
00:16:03,801 --> 00:16:07,036
So I'm gonna rescue them,
rouse us to work together,
347
00:16:07,036 --> 00:16:09,235
defeat your... hold on.
348
00:16:10,337 --> 00:16:12,905
Oh, for the love of Mike, what happened?
349
00:16:12,906 --> 00:16:14,239
Sid was right.
350
00:16:14,240 --> 00:16:16,575
It was time to stop bickering
and work together.
351
00:16:16,576 --> 00:16:18,064
So we did, and we overthrew the camp.
352
00:16:18,064 --> 00:16:21,770
You missed an amazing battle,
better than anything at castle black.
353
00:16:21,771 --> 00:16:24,539
Well, FYI, I was also gonna come back,
354
00:16:24,540 --> 00:16:26,808
and I was gonna suggest that
we start working together, too,
355
00:16:26,809 --> 00:16:28,209
- wasn't I? Tell them.
- Oh, please, stop.
356
00:16:28,215 --> 00:16:29,849
This whole time, I've been
saying that I was gonna...
357
00:16:29,850 --> 00:16:33,820
- This is all a little humiliating.
- You know what? Doesn't matter.
358
00:16:33,821 --> 00:16:35,388
I know we've been
driving each other crazy,
359
00:16:35,389 --> 00:16:37,457
but I think we've got something
really good going on here.
360
00:16:37,458 --> 00:16:40,560
I mean, look at us...
We're gorgeous, very diverse.
361
00:16:40,560 --> 00:16:45,030
I think if we pull it together, we could
do something great, legendary even.
362
00:16:45,112 --> 00:16:47,765
What do you say?
363
00:16:47,765 --> 00:16:49,125
We are diverse.
364
00:16:50,361 --> 00:16:52,596
Super diverse.
365
00:16:52,597 --> 00:16:55,265
I remember when we had something special.
366
00:16:55,266 --> 00:16:57,033
Arr.
367
00:16:57,034 --> 00:16:58,394
I miss us.
368
00:16:59,370 --> 00:17:02,038
Now, look, either we can take
your pirate supplies...
369
00:17:02,039 --> 00:17:03,807
The swords, the hooks...
370
00:17:03,808 --> 00:17:04,808
- Parrots.
- Booty.
371
00:17:04,809 --> 00:17:06,276
- Peg legs.
- Girls' supplies.
372
00:17:06,279 --> 00:17:08,780
Yes, yes, all of it,
or we can work together
373
00:17:08,781 --> 00:17:13,452
to get your ship off that hill
and you can take us to Valencia.
374
00:17:13,453 --> 00:17:14,486
What do you say?
375
00:17:21,461 --> 00:17:23,762
Did I just cut your hand?
376
00:17:23,763 --> 00:17:26,131
Yes. Very badly.
377
00:17:26,132 --> 00:17:27,933
Sorry.
378
00:17:33,506 --> 00:17:35,173
Where are you going?
379
00:17:35,174 --> 00:17:37,008
It's time for 4:00 fool-around.
380
00:17:37,009 --> 00:17:38,084
Is it?
381
00:17:38,173 --> 00:17:41,433
M-my sundial must be slow
because of the... c-clouds.
382
00:17:41,434 --> 00:17:44,102
If you're worried I'm upset
about you helping my husband
383
00:17:44,103 --> 00:17:46,338
with that ridiculous show, then don't be.
384
00:17:46,339 --> 00:17:49,508
Who cares? He's an idiot.
385
00:17:49,509 --> 00:17:51,109
Yes, well, that's the thing.
386
00:17:51,110 --> 00:17:52,744
I don't think I can do this anymore.
387
00:17:52,745 --> 00:17:57,413
I guess I just feel a little... guilty.
388
00:17:57,413 --> 00:17:59,068
Well, that's very noble of you
389
00:17:59,069 --> 00:18:01,337
to care about someone's feelings.
390
00:18:01,379 --> 00:18:03,342
Guards!
391
00:18:03,344 --> 00:18:05,958
If you're developing a conscience,
then you're no good to me.
392
00:18:05,958 --> 00:18:08,344
Take him to the dungeon,
the really scary one.
393
00:18:08,345 --> 00:18:09,512
With the mice.
394
00:18:09,513 --> 00:18:10,679
Wait, no! Please!
395
00:18:10,680 --> 00:18:12,348
At least let me change my clothes!
396
00:18:12,349 --> 00:18:14,850
These are gang colors!
397
00:18:14,931 --> 00:18:17,433
Oh, hello.
398
00:18:17,434 --> 00:18:18,701
I was just coming to see Steve.
399
00:18:18,702 --> 00:18:20,202
Who's Steve?
400
00:18:20,203 --> 00:18:22,838
Steve McKinzie. The jester.
401
00:18:22,839 --> 00:18:25,407
You don't know his name?
402
00:18:25,408 --> 00:18:27,030
Well, no matter.
403
00:18:27,030 --> 00:18:31,171
Say, what do you call
a tiny mosquito in a tin suit?
404
00:18:31,172 --> 00:18:32,940
- Oh, God.
- Nope.
405
00:18:32,940 --> 00:18:34,869
A gnat in shining armor.
406
00:18:34,870 --> 00:18:37,818
- I've got so many of these.
- Please stop talking.
407
00:18:37,819 --> 00:18:39,356
No, I love talking with you.
408
00:18:39,432 --> 00:18:41,797
Right, you maggots!
409
00:18:41,798 --> 00:18:44,740
Let's get this boat off the hill.
410
00:18:44,741 --> 00:18:47,073
What?
411
00:18:47,074 --> 00:18:50,117
It's just nice to hear you
call us "maggots" again.
412
00:18:50,118 --> 00:18:52,993
You've always been maggots in here.
413
00:18:52,994 --> 00:18:54,987
Arr!
414
00:18:54,988 --> 00:18:56,915
Prepare the lines!
415
00:19:03,173 --> 00:19:05,741
♪ we heave together, we ho together ♪
416
00:19:05,742 --> 00:19:07,810
♪ All working toe to toe together ♪
417
00:19:07,811 --> 00:19:09,578
♪ Ahoy, look out below together! ♪
418
00:19:09,579 --> 00:19:11,447
Run away! Run away!
419
00:19:13,789 --> 00:19:16,124
♪ Now off together,
we'll cruise together ♪
420
00:19:16,125 --> 00:19:18,459
♪ With pirate stuff we'll use together ♪
421
00:19:18,460 --> 00:19:20,695
♪ Guys, we should get tattoos together ♪
422
00:19:20,696 --> 00:19:21,863
Arr!
423
00:19:23,869 --> 00:19:27,037
♪ And, together, look what we can do ♪
424
00:19:27,038 --> 00:19:29,306
♪ Together we're one scurvy crew ♪
425
00:19:29,307 --> 00:19:31,240
- ♪ Together, we're not bad ♪
- ♪ It's true ♪
426
00:19:31,242 --> 00:19:33,511
My God, just get a room, you two.
427
00:19:33,512 --> 00:19:40,351
♪ Togetherness will see us
through to the end ♪
428
00:19:40,385 --> 00:19:42,928
Land ho!
429
00:19:42,928 --> 00:19:44,414
"Land ho," indeed, Carl.
430
00:19:49,672 --> 00:19:50,990
Gal...
431
00:19:50,990 --> 00:19:52,309
Can I call you "Gal"?
432
00:19:52,310 --> 00:19:53,844
Uh, well, I don't love it.
433
00:19:53,845 --> 00:19:56,680
I have to talk to you.
434
00:19:56,726 --> 00:19:58,260
I feel a little guilty about something.
435
00:19:58,261 --> 00:20:00,529
Actually, so do I.
436
00:20:00,530 --> 00:20:02,898
I stashed a bag of trail mix
before we left.
437
00:20:04,136 --> 00:20:05,470
Raisins intact.
438
00:20:05,471 --> 00:20:06,871
Really?
439
00:20:06,872 --> 00:20:08,000
Knock yourself out.
440
00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:10,000
And feel free to eat with your mouth open.
441
00:20:10,001 --> 00:20:11,669
It's not as gross as I make it out to be.
442
00:20:11,670 --> 00:20:15,372
I mean, it's gross,
but it's not gross-gross.
443
00:20:17,123 --> 00:20:20,159
Listen, Galavant,
444
00:20:20,160 --> 00:20:22,828
I think the reason
I've been so difficult recently
445
00:20:22,829 --> 00:20:26,469
is that I was villainizing you
so I felt better about myself.
446
00:20:26,469 --> 00:20:30,606
I'm probably signing my parents' death
warrant by telling you this, but...
447
00:20:30,607 --> 00:20:31,941
I lied.
448
00:20:31,947 --> 00:20:34,482
I'm leading you into a trap.
449
00:20:36,984 --> 00:20:38,412
Galavant?
450
00:20:38,423 --> 00:20:40,157
We're almost there.
451
00:20:40,157 --> 00:20:42,659
Did you hear anything I just said?
452
00:20:42,660 --> 00:20:44,655
Sorry.
453
00:20:44,655 --> 00:20:46,995
I don't always listen when you talk.
454
00:20:46,996 --> 00:20:48,821
I will get better at that.
455
00:20:48,821 --> 00:20:50,276
What were you saying,
something about
456
00:20:50,277 --> 00:20:52,277
your parents or something?
457
00:20:53,619 --> 00:20:55,597
I'm looking forward to seeing them.
458
00:20:55,597 --> 00:20:58,772
Right. Yeah, parents are the best.
459
00:20:59,928 --> 00:21:02,358
Godspeed, pirates!
460
00:21:02,359 --> 00:21:03,952
To Valencia!
461
00:21:03,953 --> 00:21:05,953
Arr!
462
00:21:07,929 --> 00:21:09,929
I'm coming, my love.
463
00:21:13,745 --> 00:21:16,132
sync and correction by solfieri
www.addic7ed.com
34013
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