Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,464 --> 00:00:01,930
♪ If you missed last week's show ♪
2
00:00:01,932 --> 00:00:03,366
♪ Or if you're slightly slow ♪
3
00:00:03,367 --> 00:00:06,367
♪ Here's what came previously
on "Galavant" ♪
4
00:00:06,369 --> 00:00:10,239
♪ The Princess Isabella
came searching for this fella ♪
5
00:00:10,240 --> 00:00:13,809
♪ The washed-up hero known as Galavant ♪
6
00:00:13,810 --> 00:00:16,845
♪ Now she's gotten him to lend a hand ♪
7
00:00:16,846 --> 00:00:20,349
♪ To oust the king who seized her land ♪
8
00:00:20,350 --> 00:00:23,085
♪ But zing, she's working for the king ♪
9
00:00:23,086 --> 00:00:25,020
♪ The trap's about to spring ♪
10
00:00:25,021 --> 00:00:26,488
♪ But that's not everything ♪
11
00:00:26,489 --> 00:00:31,660
♪ 'Cause our hero only came
to save his former flame ♪
12
00:00:31,661 --> 00:00:35,063
♪ Forced into marriage
with the cruel King Richard ♪
13
00:00:35,064 --> 00:00:39,101
♪ Sweet Madalena, though,
has lost her saintly glow ♪
14
00:00:39,102 --> 00:00:42,204
♪ In fact, she's tilting
pretty sharply bitchward ♪
15
00:00:42,205 --> 00:00:45,207
♪ Add the king,
who wants to win her heart ♪
16
00:00:45,208 --> 00:00:49,010
♪ And rip our hero's world apart ♪
17
00:00:49,011 --> 00:00:51,346
♪ And that is where I leave you at ♪
18
00:00:51,393 --> 00:00:52,927
♪ So hold on to your hat ♪
19
00:00:52,928 --> 00:00:54,428
♪ 'Cause here's what's next ♪
20
00:00:54,430 --> 00:00:59,367
♪ For Galava-a-a-a-nt! ♪
21
00:00:59,368 --> 00:01:02,536
We've been riding for
days. The horses need to rest.
22
00:01:02,537 --> 00:01:03,721
We'll stop here.
23
00:01:03,721 --> 00:01:05,899
My people will treat you
like a princess, Princess.
24
00:01:05,900 --> 00:01:07,234
Don't get too comfortable.
25
00:01:07,290 --> 00:01:09,796
One night, Sid. Then we hit the road.
26
00:01:13,717 --> 00:01:16,684
So, this is it, my hometown.
27
00:01:16,685 --> 00:01:18,097
A little background on the place...
28
00:01:18,098 --> 00:01:21,346
Middle-class community,
lots of sheep-sheering,
29
00:01:21,347 --> 00:01:23,224
great place to raise a family.
30
00:01:23,224 --> 00:01:24,665
That should cover it.
31
00:01:24,706 --> 00:01:27,207
Sounds lovely, Sid. One tiny question.
32
00:01:27,208 --> 00:01:29,910
- Shoot.
- What the hell is that?
33
00:01:29,933 --> 00:01:31,667
"Sidneyland"?
34
00:01:35,991 --> 00:01:39,263
Ah, you noticed that.
35
00:01:39,903 --> 00:01:41,231
Galavant - S01E03
Two Balls
36
00:01:41,232 --> 00:01:43,164
sync and correction by solfieri
www.addic7ed.com
37
00:01:43,165 --> 00:01:44,999
All hail Sid!
38
00:01:45,000 --> 00:01:48,069
The conquering hero returns!
39
00:01:48,225 --> 00:01:49,625
Huzzah!
40
00:01:49,626 --> 00:01:51,127
- Sid.
- Yeah.
41
00:01:51,128 --> 00:01:52,462
What is happening?
42
00:01:52,463 --> 00:01:54,564
Well, I'm adopted.
43
00:01:54,565 --> 00:01:58,067
When I was a baby, an older couple
found me on their doorstep and took me in.
44
00:01:58,100 --> 00:02:00,535
You know the expression
"it takes a village"?
45
00:02:00,536 --> 00:02:02,704
No. No. No, I don't think
that's been invented yet.
46
00:02:02,705 --> 00:02:03,871
Oh. Autograph, please!
47
00:02:04,974 --> 00:02:07,075
Well, I was a golden child around here.
48
00:02:07,076 --> 00:02:11,758
And over the years, when I wrote home,
I may have exaggerated a bit.
49
00:02:11,758 --> 00:02:13,154
Mm!
50
00:02:14,173 --> 00:02:17,324
Oh, I wish you were my cousin
so I could marry you.
51
00:02:17,326 --> 00:02:19,727
Aw, that's so sweet!
52
00:02:21,229 --> 00:02:23,661
I know this is unusual, but
it would mean the world to me
53
00:02:23,661 --> 00:02:26,094
if you could go along with this
for just one night.
54
00:02:26,095 --> 00:02:28,930
Play along? Do you mean, like, act?
55
00:02:28,931 --> 00:02:30,765
Did you know that my
hometown of Valencia
56
00:02:30,766 --> 00:02:31,966
is famous for two things...
57
00:02:31,967 --> 00:02:34,769
Our cabbage festival
and our theater program.
58
00:02:34,770 --> 00:02:36,390
So, worst place ever.
59
00:02:36,390 --> 00:02:38,496
You should have just said
"worst place ever."
60
00:02:38,497 --> 00:02:40,665
Every night, we'd gather
around the town elder tree
61
00:02:40,666 --> 00:02:43,130
with nothing but the power
of our imaginations.
62
00:02:43,130 --> 00:02:46,253
Sometimes, we wouldn't even
have a script that night.
63
00:02:46,556 --> 00:02:48,290
So we'd have to find our characters
64
00:02:48,291 --> 00:02:49,920
over the course of many,
many hours of theater.
65
00:02:49,920 --> 00:02:51,550
You sure you want to save this place?
66
00:02:51,551 --> 00:02:53,219
Sid, I'm in.
67
00:02:53,220 --> 00:02:55,421
Get ready. My parents are a lot.
68
00:02:55,422 --> 00:02:57,323
- Of what?
- Everything.
69
00:02:59,034 --> 00:03:01,035
Oh, and one more thing.
They think you're my squire.
70
00:03:01,309 --> 00:03:02,682
What did he say?
71
00:03:04,445 --> 00:03:06,246
- Bubbala!
- My boy!
72
00:03:07,079 --> 00:03:08,345
- Oh!
- Oh!
73
00:03:09,993 --> 00:03:12,052
Come in! Come in!
74
00:03:12,053 --> 00:03:14,872
- You kids must be starving.
- Famished.
75
00:03:14,873 --> 00:03:17,280
Glad to hear it. Get plucking, squire.
76
00:03:19,759 --> 00:03:21,049
Terrific.
77
00:03:25,751 --> 00:03:27,685
Come on, Jester! Do the bit that I wrote!
78
00:03:27,819 --> 00:03:29,932
You guys are going to love this.
79
00:03:30,032 --> 00:03:32,732
It feels a little inappropriate,
considering the circumstances.
80
00:03:32,805 --> 00:03:33,918
Just do the bit.
81
00:03:33,919 --> 00:03:34,929
Please, sir.
82
00:03:34,930 --> 00:03:36,217
Do the bit.
83
00:03:39,028 --> 00:03:40,862
Hey, Valencians.
84
00:03:40,867 --> 00:03:43,434
How many Valencians
does it take to win a war?
85
00:03:43,435 --> 00:03:44,669
How many?
86
00:03:44,670 --> 00:03:45,770
More than you had.
87
00:03:48,904 --> 00:03:50,106
Oh, have mercy.
88
00:03:50,106 --> 00:03:51,309
I'm bored. I'm leaving.
89
00:03:52,272 --> 00:03:53,648
Oh, my wife.
90
00:03:53,648 --> 00:03:55,256
Now, I know we've had our ups and downs.
91
00:03:55,376 --> 00:03:56,943
Why, just a few days ago,
92
00:03:56,944 --> 00:03:58,812
you made me cry so hard
I could barely breathe.
93
00:03:58,911 --> 00:04:00,044
Tell her, Gareth.
94
00:04:00,095 --> 00:04:01,802
Eight hours of my life I can't get back.
95
00:04:01,803 --> 00:04:03,509
I mean, but that's our thing.
96
00:04:03,510 --> 00:04:06,568
That's us. I'm not giving up on us.
97
00:04:06,569 --> 00:04:07,920
- I want you to give up.
- No.
98
00:04:07,921 --> 00:04:09,828
- Please give up.
- You can't make me.
99
00:04:10,447 --> 00:04:12,828
God, everyone's in such moods.
100
00:04:12,829 --> 00:04:15,781
King and queen of Valencia, step forward.
101
00:04:17,252 --> 00:04:18,119
Let me ask you...
102
00:04:18,155 --> 00:04:21,318
Before I invaded, pillaged,
and destroyed your kingdom,
103
00:04:21,319 --> 00:04:23,075
what did you people
do around here for fun?
104
00:04:23,076 --> 00:04:25,037
We used to sit around the elder tree
105
00:04:25,037 --> 00:04:28,432
for hours and hours of
spontaneous, unscripted theater.
106
00:04:28,433 --> 00:04:29,902
Oof.
107
00:04:29,903 --> 00:04:32,072
You cut down the elder tree.
108
00:04:32,257 --> 00:04:34,191
- I did?
- You turned it into toothpicks.
109
00:04:36,569 --> 00:04:38,802
Well played. You're dismissed.
110
00:04:39,907 --> 00:04:42,050
Mm! Eunuch, front and center.
111
00:04:42,050 --> 00:04:43,778
Help me out.
112
00:04:43,779 --> 00:04:45,934
What else did you do around here for fun?
113
00:04:45,935 --> 00:04:48,534
I don't know. We, uh, used to have balls.
114
00:04:49,801 --> 00:04:52,092
Gareth, did you hear what the eunuch said?
115
00:04:52,183 --> 00:04:54,710
You cannot write this stuff!
116
00:04:54,712 --> 00:04:56,372
You sure can't!
117
00:04:57,514 --> 00:04:59,281
You know, I've always been curious.
118
00:04:59,302 --> 00:05:01,562
Do you still have any feeling, you know...
119
00:05:01,563 --> 00:05:02,850
Down there?
120
00:05:02,851 --> 00:05:04,624
- No, sir.
- Really?
121
00:05:04,625 --> 00:05:07,581
Gareth, go take a whack at the eunuch.
122
00:05:07,582 --> 00:05:10,017
Lovely.
123
00:05:10,018 --> 00:05:13,044
Spread 'em.
124
00:05:16,176 --> 00:05:17,942
That is amazing!
125
00:05:17,944 --> 00:05:19,288
Gareth, isn't that amazing?
126
00:05:19,290 --> 00:05:20,542
It's really cool!
127
00:05:20,544 --> 00:05:23,516
Everyone, line up.
Take a free shot at the eunuch.
128
00:05:23,517 --> 00:05:26,369
You know, honey,
129
00:05:26,370 --> 00:05:28,561
let's throw these poor bastards a ball,
130
00:05:28,562 --> 00:05:32,180
breathe some life back into the place,
get some food and music and entertainment.
131
00:05:32,181 --> 00:05:34,824
I should probably start working
up a routine with the Jester...
132
00:05:34,825 --> 00:05:37,993
- In my bedchamber, where it's quiet.
- That's the spirit!
133
00:05:37,995 --> 00:05:40,739
Now, I don't want either one
of you to leave your bedchamber
134
00:05:40,740 --> 00:05:42,583
until you've worked out a complete set.
135
00:05:42,584 --> 00:05:45,854
Oh, I think I have a set
the Jester can work with.
136
00:05:45,855 --> 00:05:47,489
Fantastic!
137
00:05:49,021 --> 00:05:51,232
Oh, this is going to be such a hoot!
138
00:05:51,234 --> 00:05:52,946
Oh, come on, people!
139
00:05:52,947 --> 00:05:55,665
Don't pull your punches! Have fun with it!
140
00:05:55,665 --> 00:05:56,863
Get creative!
141
00:05:56,864 --> 00:05:58,615
Tickle, tickle, tickle!
142
00:05:58,616 --> 00:06:00,403
Nothing.
143
00:06:00,404 --> 00:06:03,732
Your loss is our gain. And we thank you.
144
00:06:05,284 --> 00:06:08,086
Our Sidney.
145
00:06:08,197 --> 00:06:10,085
So handsome!
146
00:06:10,086 --> 00:06:12,335
We bought him that armor
for his 16th birthday.
147
00:06:12,335 --> 00:06:13,980
Cost us a fortune.
148
00:06:13,981 --> 00:06:17,517
Sid, eat, eat. Y-you're wasting away!
149
00:06:17,654 --> 00:06:18,830
I'm fine, mother.
150
00:06:18,830 --> 00:06:20,233
Just humor me.
151
00:06:20,234 --> 00:06:21,102
Squire?
152
00:06:21,103 --> 00:06:22,501
Squire!
153
00:06:25,179 --> 00:06:27,073
Oh, right. That's me.
154
00:06:27,073 --> 00:06:29,646
Don't tell me your squire
is as dimwitted as our squire.
155
00:06:32,708 --> 00:06:34,570
I think he may be.
156
00:06:34,571 --> 00:06:37,090
You've got nice teeth.
157
00:06:37,090 --> 00:06:39,225
So, tell us about
your new lady friend, Sid.
158
00:06:39,227 --> 00:06:42,129
Uh, father, this is Princess Isabella.
159
00:06:45,482 --> 00:06:46,668
A princess?
160
00:06:46,668 --> 00:06:47,532
That's my boy!
161
00:06:47,533 --> 00:06:49,098
Oh, uh, Princess Isabella isn...
162
00:06:49,266 --> 00:06:51,680
Oh, the first time I saw your son,
163
00:06:51,681 --> 00:06:53,510
it was a dark and cloudy day,
164
00:06:53,510 --> 00:06:58,171
but your son with an "O"
was my sun with a "U."
165
00:07:01,498 --> 00:07:03,018
We don't know how to read.
166
00:07:03,019 --> 00:07:04,539
Not a word.
167
00:07:04,540 --> 00:07:06,912
We're engaged.
168
00:07:06,912 --> 00:07:08,866
This just took a fun turn.
169
00:07:08,867 --> 00:07:10,257
Engaged?!
170
00:07:10,420 --> 00:07:11,787
Mazel tov!
171
00:07:12,601 --> 00:07:14,502
I can't believe it!
172
00:07:14,698 --> 00:07:17,767
We have to celebrate.
173
00:07:17,768 --> 00:07:20,269
Oh, great. Another musical number.
174
00:07:20,461 --> 00:07:23,163
Everyone, come see my son, the knight!
175
00:07:23,258 --> 00:07:25,859
♪ Oy, what a knight ♪
176
00:07:25,860 --> 00:07:27,661
♪ Gather 'round, you peasants ♪
177
00:07:27,806 --> 00:07:29,640
♪ Look who's graced us with his presence ♪
178
00:07:29,641 --> 00:07:31,776
- ♪ What a hero ♪
- ♪ What a mensch ♪
179
00:07:31,904 --> 00:07:33,738
♪ Oy, what a knight ♪
180
00:07:33,739 --> 00:07:35,606
♪ Plus, the kid's on fire ♪
181
00:07:35,607 --> 00:07:37,642
♪ With a big farkakte squire ♪
182
00:07:37,839 --> 00:07:40,344
♪ And a little shiksa wench ♪
183
00:07:40,344 --> 00:07:43,575
♪ Oy, what a knight,
God, is he to die for ♪
184
00:07:43,741 --> 00:07:47,652
♪ Any girl would give an eye
for such a hunk of kosher meat ♪
185
00:07:47,654 --> 00:07:50,099
♪ oy, what a knight ♪
186
00:07:50,099 --> 00:07:51,909
♪ Handsome ♪
♪ and a charmer ♪
187
00:07:51,910 --> 00:07:53,344
♪ Is it true that 'neath that armor... ♪
188
00:07:53,532 --> 00:07:56,000
♪ Shh, he likes to be discreet ♪
189
00:07:56,001 --> 00:07:59,737
♪ Speaking as his rabbi,
why am I not surprised? ♪
190
00:07:59,878 --> 00:08:03,339
♪ Our Sidney is the knight who
put the "sir" in "circumcised" ♪
191
00:08:03,340 --> 00:08:05,903
♪ Oy, what a knight ♪
192
00:08:05,904 --> 00:08:07,461
♪ So, how's the business going? ♪
193
00:08:07,462 --> 00:08:09,643
♪ You know, jousting, tally-ho-ing ♪
194
00:08:09,644 --> 00:08:12,275
♪ Saving damsels in distress ♪
195
00:08:12,289 --> 00:08:13,723
♪ Oy, what a knight ♪
196
00:08:13,768 --> 00:08:15,397
Oh! Did I mention slaying?
197
00:08:15,399 --> 00:08:17,513
I did lots of it. Just saying.
198
00:08:17,513 --> 00:08:20,427
- ♪ That's our Sidney, the success ♪
- Hey!
199
00:08:20,429 --> 00:08:23,516
♪ What a gorgeous family,
your Sid can do no wrong ♪
200
00:08:23,517 --> 00:08:27,887
♪ Who knew he came
from such a lovely home? ♪
201
00:08:27,889 --> 00:08:31,877
♪ Of course I'll be converting,
so I'm sure we'll get along ♪
202
00:08:31,878 --> 00:08:32,884
Honey, please!
203
00:08:32,885 --> 00:08:35,654
♪ You had me at "shalom" ♪
204
00:08:36,285 --> 00:08:37,718
♪ Oy, what a squire ♪
205
00:08:37,719 --> 00:08:40,029
- ♪ So tell us 'bout sir Sidney ♪
- No.
206
00:08:40,029 --> 00:08:41,878
- ♪ He saved your live once, didn't he? ♪
- No.
207
00:08:41,879 --> 00:08:43,037
- ♪ So, twice? Thrice?
- No. No.
208
00:08:43,039 --> 00:08:44,380
♪ Do share ♪
209
00:08:44,381 --> 00:08:46,349
- ♪ Oy, what a knight ♪
♪ Oy, what a ♪
210
00:08:46,350 --> 00:08:47,683
♪ Diddle, deedle, didle ♪
211
00:08:47,684 --> 00:08:49,885
♪ He's our hero ♪
♪ He's my idol ♪
212
00:08:50,003 --> 00:08:51,590
♪ He's adored by one and all ♪
213
00:08:51,591 --> 00:08:55,787
- You guys!
- ♪ And so, tonight, to honor our crusader ♪
214
00:08:55,788 --> 00:08:57,550
♪ You are all invited later ♪
215
00:08:57,551 --> 00:09:00,547
♪ To a fancy-schmancy ball ♪
216
00:09:00,548 --> 00:09:02,840
♪ Oy, yoy, yoy, yoy ♪
217
00:09:02,841 --> 00:09:04,568
♪ Oy, yoy-yoy-yoy-yoy ♪
218
00:09:04,568 --> 00:09:06,296
♪ Oy, what a knight ♪
219
00:09:06,297 --> 00:09:09,495
Oy, what a knight! Hey!
220
00:09:09,496 --> 00:09:11,672
Oy vey.
221
00:09:13,036 --> 00:09:14,226
My God.
222
00:09:14,228 --> 00:09:18,102
Lot of dolls for a boy.
223
00:09:18,120 --> 00:09:20,713
I don't think they've changed
anything in here since he was 12.
224
00:09:20,715 --> 00:09:23,082
Oh, they love him. I think it's sweet.
225
00:09:23,083 --> 00:09:25,751
Aren't you sugar and spice
and everything nice?
226
00:09:25,752 --> 00:09:28,509
Well, aren't you rudeness
and sarcasm and everything...
227
00:09:28,511 --> 00:09:30,742
- Um...
- No, go on.
228
00:09:30,742 --> 00:09:33,458
You find something that rhymes
with "sarcasm" and makes sense,
229
00:09:33,459 --> 00:09:34,659
and I'll take the floor tonight.
230
00:09:34,660 --> 00:09:37,128
You know what? I think...
231
00:09:37,234 --> 00:09:40,336
So, this is getting a little
bigger than I anticipated.
232
00:09:40,337 --> 00:09:44,106
They have a certain image of me,
and I am just so sorry.
233
00:09:44,303 --> 00:09:46,338
- There's no need to apologize.
- What?
234
00:09:46,339 --> 00:09:49,770
Sid, the feldman boy
wants to draw you,
235
00:09:49,770 --> 00:09:53,042
and we need that squire of yours
to help set up the party!
236
00:09:53,134 --> 00:09:54,961
Coming, mom!
237
00:09:54,962 --> 00:09:58,398
Just... just please? Please?
238
00:09:58,487 --> 00:10:02,002
I'll be damned if I'm working
a ball in my squire's honor.
239
00:10:04,002 --> 00:10:06,755
Always about you, isn't it, Galavant?
240
00:10:06,755 --> 00:10:08,551
I'm on a journey
to save your kingdom, aren't I?
241
00:10:08,551 --> 00:10:10,641
You're on a journey to get your girl back.
242
00:10:10,642 --> 00:10:12,943
At least let's not lie
to each other about that.
243
00:10:13,050 --> 00:10:16,486
You know what? You stay detached
and apathetic, Galavant.
244
00:10:16,487 --> 00:10:17,854
You do it quite well.
245
00:10:17,973 --> 00:10:21,208
And whilst you do, I will put on
my pretty purple dress
246
00:10:21,209 --> 00:10:23,811
for my new friend and pretend
to be his bride-to-be.
247
00:10:23,887 --> 00:10:25,914
And maybe that makes me
all sugar and spice
248
00:10:25,915 --> 00:10:28,631
and everything nice, but Lord
knows I much prefer that
249
00:10:28,632 --> 00:10:32,105
over rudeness and sarcasm and back spasms!
250
00:10:32,238 --> 00:10:33,309
Bit of a stretch.
251
00:10:33,309 --> 00:10:35,768
I trained in monologues, not poetry!
252
00:10:38,840 --> 00:10:43,411
"I'm so jealous of the girl
who gets to be your wife.
253
00:10:43,445 --> 00:10:45,579
Love, mom."
254
00:10:52,457 --> 00:10:54,540
Hey, Gareth, did you see how excited
255
00:10:54,541 --> 00:10:56,316
Madalena got about this party?
256
00:10:56,317 --> 00:10:59,151
I should have shown her
my magnanimous side weeks ago.
257
00:10:59,203 --> 00:11:01,597
Speaking of wifey,
is she still locked up there
258
00:11:01,597 --> 00:11:03,613
banging out jokes with the Jester?
259
00:11:03,615 --> 00:11:06,431
I suspect they're banging out
a few things, yes, sir.
260
00:11:06,432 --> 00:11:09,019
Wonderful.
261
00:11:09,020 --> 00:11:11,540
Ooh, my chef! Talk to me, kiddo.
262
00:11:11,541 --> 00:11:14,742
Uh, uh, oh, well, my... my research shows
263
00:11:14,743 --> 00:11:17,943
that the Valencians have
religious aversions to meat,
264
00:11:17,944 --> 00:11:21,110
and they live almost entirely
off their own crops.
265
00:11:21,115 --> 00:11:22,615
How resourceful.
266
00:11:22,616 --> 00:11:24,149
It was, My King.
267
00:11:24,150 --> 00:11:27,150
Unfortunately, you burned all
their crops during the invasion.
268
00:11:27,151 --> 00:11:29,469
- Yeah?
- You set their fields ablaze
269
00:11:29,470 --> 00:11:31,856
and... and announced
to all the lands, uh...
270
00:11:31,857 --> 00:11:35,198
"Ooh, yeah. Take that, Valencia."
271
00:11:35,199 --> 00:11:37,805
You kept only a small portion
of vegetables for yourself.
272
00:11:37,805 --> 00:11:39,309
Oh, of course...
273
00:11:39,310 --> 00:11:40,977
The carrot getting stuck in the teeth.
274
00:11:40,978 --> 00:11:43,446
That's why I needed
to have the toothpicks made.
275
00:11:43,619 --> 00:11:45,620
Tell you what. Let's table this
for the time being.
276
00:11:45,621 --> 00:11:46,922
We'll work something else out.
277
00:11:46,923 --> 00:11:50,058
So, Gareth, have you found me
any musicians?
278
00:11:50,059 --> 00:11:53,495
Well, unfortunately,
we executed all their musicians,
279
00:11:53,496 --> 00:11:55,864
but I've improvised.
280
00:11:55,967 --> 00:11:57,200
These are our executioners,
281
00:11:57,201 --> 00:11:59,536
and this geezer
is really good on the drums.
282
00:11:59,537 --> 00:12:02,906
Oh, wonderful. What songs
do you know how to play?
283
00:12:09,317 --> 00:12:10,984
Hmm?
284
00:12:10,985 --> 00:12:12,786
It is catchy. I'll give you that.
285
00:12:12,787 --> 00:12:15,422
It's not quite right, though.
What else do you know?
286
00:12:15,446 --> 00:12:18,461
Uh, we... we mainly
just know death, My King.
287
00:12:18,461 --> 00:12:21,697
Chef, I've killed...
Most of your family, right?
288
00:12:21,697 --> 00:12:23,185
Wiped them out all out, My King.
289
00:12:23,186 --> 00:12:26,223
Excellent. Tell me, what does a
person do just before they die?
290
00:12:27,120 --> 00:12:28,429
Well, my father cried.
291
00:12:28,429 --> 00:12:30,496
A lot of them do weep, actually.
292
00:12:30,497 --> 00:12:31,864
- And they wet theirselves.
- Oh.
293
00:12:31,984 --> 00:12:33,518
- Also true. Yeah.
- Yeah.
294
00:12:33,519 --> 00:12:35,187
Well, this already sounds like a song.
295
00:12:35,188 --> 00:12:36,850
- It just needs the dancing part.
- Mm.
296
00:12:36,850 --> 00:12:38,847
I want a solid beat, but keep it peppy.
297
00:12:40,034 --> 00:12:42,517
Ah. How about this?
298
00:12:42,530 --> 00:12:45,999
A-one, two, a-one, two, three, four.
299
00:12:53,007 --> 00:12:54,908
Big finish.
300
00:12:58,469 --> 00:13:00,181
You know what? That is really close.
301
00:13:00,182 --> 00:13:02,517
But let's just keep workshopping it, okay?
302
00:13:03,886 --> 00:13:05,086
You'll be great.
303
00:13:10,226 --> 00:13:14,268
Well, another party for the fancy
folk that get to bathe once a month.
304
00:13:14,270 --> 00:13:15,900
Oh, that reminds me.
305
00:13:16,033 --> 00:13:18,902
Did you hear about the knight
that got off his high horse?
306
00:13:18,903 --> 00:13:20,904
- No.
- Me, neither.
307
00:13:31,966 --> 00:13:33,967
Knights suck.
308
00:13:33,991 --> 00:13:35,492
They're not all that bad, are they?
309
00:13:36,660 --> 00:13:38,675
- Sure, they are!
- Worse, even!
310
00:13:38,987 --> 00:13:42,665
♪ Your average knight in armor,
he's utterly the pits ♪
311
00:13:42,665 --> 00:13:46,134
♪ His ego's so humongous
that his helmet barely fits ♪
312
00:13:46,136 --> 00:13:49,939
♪ He wears two tons of padding
and thinks he's quite the man ♪
313
00:13:49,959 --> 00:13:53,562
♪ He's nothing but a jackass
in a fancy metal can ♪
314
00:13:53,563 --> 00:13:55,397
♪ A jackass in a can ♪
315
00:13:55,398 --> 00:13:57,065
♪ There's nothing worser than ♪
316
00:13:57,066 --> 00:14:00,235
♪ Some high-and-mighty jackass in a can ♪
317
00:14:01,404 --> 00:14:03,972
My master hasn't had a sip of his grog
318
00:14:03,973 --> 00:14:05,494
without my spit in it in years.
319
00:14:05,494 --> 00:14:07,148
I've got him craving it now.
320
00:14:07,149 --> 00:14:09,617
I gave it to him once without,
and he said it didn't taste right.
321
00:14:12,695 --> 00:14:15,030
So... what about your knight?
322
00:14:15,083 --> 00:14:16,283
As bad as ours?
323
00:14:16,284 --> 00:14:19,286
Oh, uh... yeah, sure.
324
00:14:20,861 --> 00:14:22,728
There's all that fame and glory?
325
00:14:22,729 --> 00:14:24,188
The smell, though, not so great.
326
00:14:24,188 --> 00:14:26,231
And then, those big, long lances.
327
00:14:26,232 --> 00:14:28,066
Yeah, to overcompensate.
328
00:14:28,226 --> 00:14:29,894
The glamour and swagger?
329
00:14:29,895 --> 00:14:31,762
Yeah, I'm really not a fan.
330
00:14:31,763 --> 00:14:33,964
- He's quite a...
- Major Dillweed.
331
00:14:33,965 --> 00:14:35,566
♪ In a fancy metal can ♪
332
00:14:35,567 --> 00:14:37,313
♪ A Dillweed in a can ♪
333
00:14:37,313 --> 00:14:39,060
♪ There's nothing lamer than ♪
334
00:14:39,061 --> 00:14:42,397
♪ A condescending Dillweed in a can ♪
335
00:14:42,398 --> 00:14:44,132
And who does all the planning?
336
00:14:44,133 --> 00:14:46,367
- Yeah. Who does all the work?
- True.
337
00:14:46,368 --> 00:14:47,969
♪ Who gets no vacation? ♪
338
00:14:47,969 --> 00:14:50,070
- ♪ Not one pay raise, not one perk ♪
- Good point.
339
00:14:50,171 --> 00:14:53,407
Whose lousy insurance
comes without a dental plan?
340
00:14:53,408 --> 00:14:55,342
♪ Your average, humble squire? ♪
341
00:14:55,343 --> 00:14:57,010
Not the meathead in the can!
342
00:14:57,011 --> 00:14:59,012
♪ That jerkface in a can ♪
343
00:14:59,013 --> 00:15:01,014
♪ There's nothing sadder than ♪
344
00:15:01,015 --> 00:15:03,149
♪ Some over-muscled, chauvinistic ♪
345
00:15:03,149 --> 00:15:04,816
♪ Self-indulgent, egotistic ♪
346
00:15:04,817 --> 00:15:06,518
♪ Stingy, prissy, narcississy ♪
347
00:15:06,519 --> 00:15:11,189
♪ Jackass in a can ♪
348
00:15:11,190 --> 00:15:14,025
Oh, my God. That's me.
349
00:15:19,836 --> 00:15:22,204
Really hoping for better turnout.
350
00:15:22,205 --> 00:15:24,973
This is everyone we have left.
351
00:15:24,974 --> 00:15:28,210
100% turnout! Fantastic!
352
00:15:29,978 --> 00:15:31,245
Oh, good, you're here.
353
00:15:31,246 --> 00:15:34,415
Babe, can you believe
what I've thrown together?
354
00:15:34,416 --> 00:15:36,750
You're really feeling
King Richard the magnanimous
355
00:15:36,751 --> 00:15:39,253
right now, aren't you, huh? Hmm?
356
00:15:39,278 --> 00:15:41,446
Okay, I know you two
have been working really hard.
357
00:15:41,447 --> 00:15:44,394
Jester, they are primed and ready,
so get your jingly bells up on that stage.
358
00:15:44,394 --> 00:15:45,981
Come on, darling. Let's go.
359
00:15:45,982 --> 00:15:47,649
Oh, thanks for putting in
the work, darling.
360
00:15:47,650 --> 00:15:50,852
You know, this is nice,
us co-hosting like this.
361
00:15:51,023 --> 00:15:53,658
We need to find more activities
we can do together.
362
00:15:53,659 --> 00:15:54,582
Am I right?
363
00:15:54,584 --> 00:15:57,329
Hello, Valencia!
Here's one for you.
364
00:15:57,330 --> 00:16:00,131
Why did the chicken cross the road?
365
00:16:00,132 --> 00:16:00,910
Why?
366
00:16:00,912 --> 00:16:03,468
Don't ask me. Ask the chicken!
367
00:16:04,882 --> 00:16:09,519
Ah, well, that's the end of my set,
so thank you all, and good night!
368
00:16:09,520 --> 00:16:11,287
What the hell, man?
369
00:16:11,288 --> 00:16:13,723
We thought we should leave them
wanting more.
370
00:16:13,724 --> 00:16:16,559
Oh. I guess I buy that.
371
00:16:16,560 --> 00:16:19,756
Valencians, who's hungry?
372
00:16:19,756 --> 00:16:21,128
Me. Me. Me. Me.
373
00:16:21,128 --> 00:16:22,883
Oh, of course you are, my darlings.
374
00:16:23,243 --> 00:16:25,261
Now, as you know,
I've burnt all your crops...
375
00:16:25,261 --> 00:16:27,020
...But what
you don't know is that
376
00:16:27,021 --> 00:16:29,022
I saved a healthy portion for me.
377
00:16:29,131 --> 00:16:31,599
But if you can't have vegetables,
378
00:16:31,600 --> 00:16:33,768
then neither shall I.
379
00:16:37,604 --> 00:16:41,273
Oh, I see it now.
That was a horrible idea.
380
00:16:41,274 --> 00:16:45,344
And now, for your listening
pleasure, the executioners!
381
00:16:50,184 --> 00:16:53,019
♪ It's time to face the reaper ♪
382
00:16:53,019 --> 00:16:55,787
♪ You're on your way to hell ♪
383
00:16:55,787 --> 00:17:00,766
♪ Prepare to kiss
this mortal coil goodbye ♪
384
00:17:02,101 --> 00:17:03,502
♪ But while you have the chance ♪
385
00:17:03,503 --> 00:17:05,237
♪ You might as well just dance ♪
386
00:17:05,238 --> 00:17:07,552
♪ Dance, dance, dance until you die ♪
387
00:17:07,552 --> 00:17:09,306
Everybody, boogie!
388
00:17:09,361 --> 00:17:11,080
♪ Your eyes will soon be bulging ♪
389
00:17:11,081 --> 00:17:12,430
♪ You'll beg and scream, as well ♪
390
00:17:12,431 --> 00:17:14,960
♪ You'll break down
like a baby girl and cry ♪
391
00:17:23,023 --> 00:17:24,371
Congratulations, Sid.
392
00:17:24,372 --> 00:17:25,484
Thank you!
393
00:17:25,485 --> 00:17:28,858
We are so proud of you, Sidney.
394
00:17:29,997 --> 00:17:33,934
Every father dreams of his son
being greater than he is,
395
00:17:33,935 --> 00:17:35,735
but no father dreams this big.
396
00:17:35,736 --> 00:17:37,704
Oh, thanks, dad.
397
00:17:37,792 --> 00:17:40,360
Just want to make you proud.
398
00:17:40,361 --> 00:17:41,762
- Gloria...
- Oh!
399
00:17:42,226 --> 00:17:45,795
If I didn't know any better, I would
think that you were the princess.
400
00:17:46,680 --> 00:17:48,953
Sid, she's a keeper!
401
00:17:48,954 --> 00:17:50,544
Mwah!
402
00:17:50,544 --> 00:17:52,769
We're so excited about
our wedding, aren't we, Sid?
403
00:17:52,869 --> 00:17:55,220
Yay! There's much to plan.
404
00:17:55,221 --> 00:17:58,076
You're going to look so handsome
in your armor.
405
00:18:01,100 --> 00:18:03,518
♪ Do the strangulation ♪
406
00:18:04,526 --> 00:18:06,777
♪ Do the asphyxiation ♪
407
00:18:06,778 --> 00:18:09,263
♪ Do the burn at the stake ♪
408
00:18:09,264 --> 00:18:13,697
♪ While you shimmy-shimmy-shake ♪
409
00:18:13,698 --> 00:18:15,008
♪ Dance, dance ♪
410
00:18:15,009 --> 00:18:16,250
♪ Dance, dance ♪
411
00:18:16,251 --> 00:18:19,711
♪ Dance, dance, dance until you die ♪
412
00:18:19,712 --> 00:18:21,827
♪ Dance, dance ♪
413
00:18:33,688 --> 00:18:36,038
♪ Dance,
dance, dance until... ♪
414
00:18:36,039 --> 00:18:38,121
Stop!
415
00:18:38,938 --> 00:18:41,064
You guys aren't having any fun, are you?
416
00:18:41,064 --> 00:18:42,678
Time of my life.
417
00:18:42,678 --> 00:18:43,968
I'm so hungry!
418
00:18:43,969 --> 00:18:45,103
Come on.
419
00:18:45,104 --> 00:18:47,238
Pick any adjective to describe this ball.
420
00:18:47,239 --> 00:18:49,273
It's all right!
421
00:18:49,274 --> 00:18:51,109
Safe throne room.
422
00:18:51,110 --> 00:18:53,578
- Ill-conceived.
- Okay.
423
00:18:53,579 --> 00:18:55,439
A little shortsighted.
424
00:18:55,439 --> 00:18:56,935
See, that's what I'm talking about!
425
00:18:56,936 --> 00:19:00,271
Come on! Do some more!
Wait. Do me. Come on.
426
00:19:00,272 --> 00:19:02,374
Tell me what you think of me. Roast away.
427
00:19:02,375 --> 00:19:03,408
Pompous.
428
00:19:03,409 --> 00:19:05,535
It's true! I am! Always have been!
429
00:19:05,535 --> 00:19:07,040
Ridiculous!
430
00:19:07,092 --> 00:19:08,959
Well, finally, somebody said it.
431
00:19:08,960 --> 00:19:10,928
Stupidest king in all the land!
432
00:19:10,929 --> 00:19:13,530
How dare you?
433
00:19:13,531 --> 00:19:16,266
He's wearing tights!
434
00:19:16,267 --> 00:19:18,235
Oh, yes, I'm
wearing tights! I'm so dainty!
435
00:19:19,573 --> 00:19:23,676
He'd have to be blind not to know that his
wife's getting it on with the Jester!
436
00:19:30,651 --> 00:19:32,218
Am I right?!
437
00:19:33,944 --> 00:19:36,946
Party's over.
438
00:19:37,052 --> 00:19:38,552
And, Gareth, kill the eunuch.
439
00:19:44,751 --> 00:19:47,127
A word, my... liege.
440
00:19:47,127 --> 00:19:49,663
Mm-hmm. Excuse me.
441
00:19:49,664 --> 00:19:52,096
Squires.
442
00:19:52,399 --> 00:19:55,768
You have no idea
how mortified I am, sir.
443
00:19:55,770 --> 00:19:58,806
- I promise that tomorrow, I'm...
- Do you know why I hired you, Sid?
444
00:19:58,871 --> 00:20:00,405
I assumed you'd lost a bet.
445
00:20:02,408 --> 00:20:04,308
Everyone else filled their résumés
446
00:20:04,309 --> 00:20:06,310
with skills that would impress me...
447
00:20:06,385 --> 00:20:09,721
Horse-shoeing or sword-sharpening.
448
00:20:09,722 --> 00:20:12,390
But you were yourself.
You told me who you were...
449
00:20:12,391 --> 00:20:14,325
A late sleeper and a lover of dolls.
450
00:20:14,325 --> 00:20:18,227
Figurines. Detailed figurines.
451
00:20:18,228 --> 00:20:20,266
Right, so, fancy dolls.
452
00:20:20,266 --> 00:20:23,163
But anyway, the point is,
it's the hardest thing in the world
453
00:20:23,164 --> 00:20:27,300
to find someone who is true to themselves,
and it's the thing I love most about you.
454
00:20:27,300 --> 00:20:29,221
- Did you just say you...
- Don't ruin this.
455
00:20:29,222 --> 00:20:32,057
It occurs to me that being a squire
456
00:20:32,058 --> 00:20:34,159
isn't a great job to begin with.
457
00:20:34,231 --> 00:20:37,066
And being mine is probably worse.
458
00:20:37,067 --> 00:20:38,734
But you never complained.
459
00:20:38,735 --> 00:20:40,036
Not once.
460
00:20:40,037 --> 00:20:42,638
You never abandoned me,
never spit in my ale.
461
00:20:44,131 --> 00:20:46,565
- Right? You've never done that.
- Of course not, sir.
462
00:20:46,566 --> 00:20:51,437
Look, I'll play any part you
want me to play here.
463
00:20:51,438 --> 00:20:53,773
But you should be proud
of the man you are.
464
00:20:53,795 --> 00:20:55,362
I know I certainly am.
465
00:21:02,236 --> 00:21:03,765
What was that?
466
00:21:03,765 --> 00:21:08,321
That, my lady, was a knight
getting off his high horse.
467
00:21:09,824 --> 00:21:12,893
Mom, dad, there's something
I need to tell you.
468
00:21:12,894 --> 00:21:15,860
Well, I'll be damned.
469
00:21:15,860 --> 00:21:16,994
I wouldn't drink that.
470
00:21:16,995 --> 00:21:19,296
Well, why not?
I've already drunk half of it.
471
00:21:19,297 --> 00:21:22,065
Yeah, just carry on. It's fine.
35032
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
