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1
00:00:08,967 --> 00:00:12,429
It's a beautiful
morning at dunder Mifflin.
2
00:00:12,930 --> 00:00:15,349
Or as I like to
call it, great Bratton.
3
00:00:15,599 --> 00:00:17,017
Keep it running.
4
00:00:18,060 --> 00:00:20,270
Creed: Do I love being manager?
5
00:00:21,063 --> 00:00:23,440
I love my kids.
I love real estate.
6
00:00:23,607 --> 00:00:25,984
I love ceramics. I love my job.
7
00:00:26,068 --> 00:00:27,236
I love wrestling.
8
00:00:27,653 --> 00:00:29,321
Find out what language this is.
9
00:00:36,411 --> 00:00:38,539
Okay, team building.
10
00:00:38,622 --> 00:00:43,961
On this side of the room,
Stanley, Phyllis, Jim, Ted, elroy.
11
00:00:44,044 --> 00:00:47,923
And on this side of the room,
Pam, Meredith, Phyllis, creed...
12
00:00:48,549 --> 00:00:50,217
He never called a meeting.
13
00:00:51,218 --> 00:00:53,345
Boboddy. Boboddy.
14
00:00:53,428 --> 00:00:56,014
What does the
first "b" stand for?
15
00:00:56,682 --> 00:00:57,683
What are we doing?
16
00:00:57,766 --> 00:01:01,562
We're making acronyms. Okay!
What does the first "b" stand for?
17
00:01:01,687 --> 00:01:03,355
Um, business!
18
00:01:03,647 --> 00:01:04,773
I like it!
19
00:01:05,649 --> 00:01:07,734
Business. Good, Kevin!
20
00:01:07,818 --> 00:01:09,570
All right, the "o."
21
00:01:10,279 --> 00:01:12,030
We need a new manager.
22
00:01:53,238 --> 00:01:54,990
So, after the Navy, I thought,
23
00:01:55,073 --> 00:01:58,577
"cool, me and america are
square. I've done my bit for the flag,
24
00:01:58,660 --> 00:02:00,746
"and time for me
to look out for myself."
25
00:02:00,829 --> 00:02:03,290
I had a buddy in the paper
biz so I just dove right in.
26
00:02:03,373 --> 00:02:04,958
How was your experience
in the Navy?
27
00:02:05,042 --> 00:02:06,460
It was nuts. Yeah.
28
00:02:06,752 --> 00:02:08,378
I was in Hong Kong three times.
29
00:02:08,462 --> 00:02:10,464
Still have pretty
crazy flashbacks from that.
30
00:02:10,547 --> 00:02:12,633
Really? What kind of thing
did you do?
31
00:02:12,716 --> 00:02:13,925
Meteorologist.
32
00:02:14,009 --> 00:02:15,695
What do you mean, like
weather surveillance, or...
33
00:02:15,719 --> 00:02:18,555
Predictor. Constantly
had to predict the weather,
34
00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:21,391
which is... I'm not a god.
I'm just a guy in a shack
35
00:02:21,475 --> 00:02:22,768
with a pair of binoculars.
36
00:02:22,851 --> 00:02:24,495
What do you think about this
weather we're having now?
37
00:02:24,519 --> 00:02:26,247
Don't even talk to me
about the weather, man.
38
00:02:26,271 --> 00:02:28,231
It just all comes
back to me, you know?
39
00:02:28,315 --> 00:02:31,234
There was this one night I
predicted it was gonna be warm.
40
00:02:32,277 --> 00:02:34,279
I sent 200 men out
without their jackets.
41
00:02:36,031 --> 00:02:37,866
It was 60 degrees that night,
42
00:02:38,742 --> 00:02:40,243
52, with windchill.
43
00:02:42,037 --> 00:02:45,117
You can't imagine their faces shivering
through that Carrie Underwood concert.
44
00:02:47,250 --> 00:02:49,419
Your paper experience
is very interesting.
45
00:02:49,503 --> 00:02:51,380
And although
it's mostly manufacturing,
46
00:02:51,463 --> 00:02:54,508
do you think you could use that
experience to inform decisions here?
47
00:02:55,050 --> 00:02:56,510
Absolutely, yes.
48
00:02:56,885 --> 00:02:59,304
In fact, I actually
have a three-step plan
49
00:02:59,388 --> 00:03:01,765
that I believe could
effectively double your profits.
50
00:03:01,890 --> 00:03:03,183
Yeah. Really?
51
00:03:04,935 --> 00:03:05,936
What is it?
52
00:03:07,562 --> 00:03:09,648
Nice try.
53
00:03:12,025 --> 00:03:15,362
I'm sorry. What is
your three-step plan?
54
00:03:15,570 --> 00:03:17,489
Well, I mean, I can't
just hand you my plan.
55
00:03:18,281 --> 00:03:20,721
I mean, if you guys give me
the job, then you'll get the plan.
56
00:03:21,493 --> 00:03:24,746
Well, it's an interview, and we don't
know that you really have the plan.
57
00:03:24,830 --> 00:03:26,832
I'm not gonna just make
up that I have a plan.
58
00:03:26,915 --> 00:03:29,960
I got a plan. Believe me, you
guys want it. You're in paper, right?
59
00:03:30,043 --> 00:03:31,545
How do we know
that if you don't...
60
00:03:31,628 --> 00:03:33,189
You could just be
saying it to get the job.
61
00:03:33,213 --> 00:03:35,173
I guess I could be if I was...
62
00:03:35,757 --> 00:03:37,634
Who would do that?
How about this,
63
00:03:37,718 --> 00:03:39,970
why don't you give
us a part of the plan,
64
00:03:40,053 --> 00:03:41,513
and that way we
know you have it.
65
00:03:41,596 --> 00:03:44,433
Tell you what? I'll give
you part three of part two.
66
00:03:44,599 --> 00:03:46,351
Not gonna give you a whole part.
67
00:03:46,435 --> 00:03:47,436
Okay.
68
00:03:48,311 --> 00:03:51,273
Color-code said documents. T.M.
69
00:03:53,316 --> 00:03:55,152
Did you just
trademark that? What?
70
00:03:55,277 --> 00:03:57,154
That's a verbal trademark.
That's an agreement.
71
00:03:58,113 --> 00:04:01,575
Jim: We are the search
committee, hand-picked by our ceo
72
00:04:01,658 --> 00:04:03,994
and tasked to find this
branch's new manager.
73
00:04:04,119 --> 00:04:06,246
Not everyone we
meet will be good,
74
00:04:06,621 --> 00:04:08,749
but someone's
bound to be, right?
75
00:04:08,832 --> 00:04:10,000
And to be honest,
76
00:04:10,125 --> 00:04:12,919
I think a lot of the decent
candidates are right here in house.
77
00:04:13,044 --> 00:04:14,504
So, I'm not too worried.
78
00:04:14,963 --> 00:04:17,841
But I'm really excited to spend
a lot of time with Toby and Gabe.
79
00:04:18,467 --> 00:04:20,677
Did you know that Gabe's
last name was Lewis?
80
00:04:21,386 --> 00:04:22,637
I had no idea.
81
00:04:23,305 --> 00:04:24,306
Good morning.
82
00:04:24,389 --> 00:04:25,766
Morning. Good morning.
83
00:04:26,183 --> 00:04:27,434
Good morning.
84
00:04:27,517 --> 00:04:29,102
Did you have a nice drive in?
85
00:04:30,228 --> 00:04:31,438
I did.
86
00:04:32,439 --> 00:04:35,609
I have a solid relationship
with Jo, the company's owner.
87
00:04:35,817 --> 00:04:37,402
I have management experience.
88
00:04:37,486 --> 00:04:39,613
I have a good
friendship with Jim,
89
00:04:39,696 --> 00:04:41,239
the head of
the search committee.
90
00:04:41,364 --> 00:04:43,867
And it doesn't hurt that I'm
91
00:04:45,619 --> 00:04:48,246
black!
92
00:04:49,164 --> 00:04:51,875
We all know this
is a popularity contest.
93
00:04:51,958 --> 00:04:54,211
And Darryl's
the coolest kid in school.
94
00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:58,215
Used to be Jim. Hasn't
been Jim in a long time.
95
00:05:01,593 --> 00:05:02,594
It's good.
96
00:05:03,053 --> 00:05:05,514
It's just words,
which will surprise people.
97
00:05:05,597 --> 00:05:09,017
Yeah. It's based on a really successful
cigarette ad campaign from a while back.
98
00:05:09,100 --> 00:05:10,268
Those were good ads. Yeah.
99
00:05:10,352 --> 00:05:11,812
They got me smoking
when I was eight.
100
00:05:11,895 --> 00:05:15,398
I couldn't quit smoking until the government
put out better ads about not smoking.
101
00:05:16,733 --> 00:05:18,068
I love smoking.
102
00:05:18,735 --> 00:05:19,945
I really hope you get it.
103
00:05:20,028 --> 00:05:22,322
The managerjob?
No, I'm barely interested.
104
00:05:22,489 --> 00:05:25,158
I just can't not go for it, you
know. It's not the Bernard way.
105
00:05:25,242 --> 00:05:26,952
We give it the old college try,
106
00:05:27,035 --> 00:05:28,703
and then in defeat,
we show grace.
107
00:05:29,579 --> 00:05:33,333
Still, I'd really like to see this
office with you in the boss's chair.
108
00:05:33,416 --> 00:05:35,502
Don't even...
109
00:05:35,627 --> 00:05:37,504
You in the boss's chair! No.
110
00:05:37,587 --> 00:05:39,907
Andy: In my family, you don't
really go out and get things.
111
00:05:40,298 --> 00:05:42,342
If you want something,
you write it on a list
112
00:05:42,425 --> 00:05:44,111
and then the housekeeper
goes out and gets it
113
00:05:44,135 --> 00:05:46,054
on wednesdays and Fridays.
114
00:05:46,513 --> 00:05:50,559
So, I don't know. I guess you
could say this job is on my list
115
00:05:51,142 --> 00:05:52,853
and we'll see what
Rosa comes back with.
116
00:05:57,899 --> 00:05:59,317
Did you hear anything?
117
00:05:59,776 --> 00:06:02,779
Oh, I'm sure they'll let us
know when they get the results.
118
00:06:04,364 --> 00:06:07,909
It turns out that Erin was born
in the basic time and region
119
00:06:07,993 --> 00:06:09,744
that I gave away a child.
120
00:06:09,953 --> 00:06:12,122
So Phyllis might be my mom.
121
00:06:12,664 --> 00:06:15,500
I mean, the chances
are tiny, but...
122
00:06:15,584 --> 00:06:17,961
Yeah, probably not.
123
00:06:18,044 --> 00:06:19,963
I mean, it was
a big year for babies.
124
00:06:20,046 --> 00:06:21,756
Porky's had come out. Yeah.
125
00:06:21,965 --> 00:06:24,217
I'm sure I was just
another porky's baby.
126
00:06:24,301 --> 00:06:26,136
But why not find out? Yeah.
127
00:06:32,392 --> 00:06:34,394
Should you really be
so blatant about that?
128
00:06:34,477 --> 00:06:37,230
They won't make me manager,
and I won't settle for anything less.
129
00:06:37,814 --> 00:06:40,859
I've gone about as far as
I can here. That's obvious.
130
00:06:41,234 --> 00:06:42,944
I'm going to take
my talents elsewhere.
131
00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:46,156
Are you really gonna apply for
work at Scranton bread works?
132
00:06:46,656 --> 00:06:50,452
Bread is the paper of the food
industry. You write your sandwich on it.
133
00:06:52,120 --> 00:06:53,872
Can you do any better on salary?
134
00:06:53,955 --> 00:06:55,755
Unfortunately, that
range is set at corporate.
135
00:06:56,166 --> 00:06:57,626
What about mileage
when I use my car?
136
00:06:57,751 --> 00:06:59,628
I mean, gas ain't cheap,
you know.
137
00:06:59,836 --> 00:07:01,922
We think that 25 cents
a mile is pretty generous.
138
00:07:02,005 --> 00:07:04,382
How about 27 and...
139
00:07:04,799 --> 00:07:06,092
When I make long-distance calls,
140
00:07:06,176 --> 00:07:08,428
will they be monitored,
or is it on the honor system?
141
00:07:10,055 --> 00:07:11,097
Okay.
142
00:07:17,228 --> 00:07:18,480
How odd!
143
00:07:18,563 --> 00:07:21,524
A very unusual phone call
from the senator's office.
144
00:07:22,025 --> 00:07:25,654
The senator wants me to have lunch
with him at the botanical gardens.
145
00:07:25,737 --> 00:07:27,280
The botanical gardens,
146
00:07:27,364 --> 00:07:29,741
Scranton's hidden gem.
147
00:07:31,076 --> 00:07:33,620
Don't eat any berries
you don't recognize.
148
00:07:33,912 --> 00:07:37,999
How will your experience
selling refinery equipment
149
00:07:38,083 --> 00:07:40,168
translate to our
smaller scale here?
150
00:07:40,251 --> 00:07:41,586
You don't work in sales, do you?
151
00:07:42,671 --> 00:07:43,797
Human resources.
152
00:07:44,214 --> 00:07:46,716
You see,
I sit across from a man,
153
00:07:47,801 --> 00:07:50,679
I see his face, I see his eyes.
154
00:07:51,680 --> 00:07:55,892
Now, does it matter if
he wants $100 of paper
155
00:07:56,059 --> 00:07:59,229
or $100 million of
deep-sea drilling equipment?
156
00:07:59,312 --> 00:08:00,647
Don't be a fool.
157
00:08:00,730 --> 00:08:03,358
He wants respect. He wants love.
158
00:08:04,693 --> 00:08:07,529
He wants to be younger.
He wants to be attractive.
159
00:08:07,988 --> 00:08:11,574
There is no such
thing as a product.
160
00:08:12,367 --> 00:08:14,244
Don't ever think there is.
161
00:08:14,995 --> 00:08:17,414
There is only sex.
162
00:08:18,248 --> 00:08:19,958
Everything is sex.
163
00:08:21,126 --> 00:08:26,631
You understand that what I'm
telling you is a universal truth, Toby?
164
00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:27,882
Yes.
165
00:08:29,050 --> 00:08:31,803
Okay, I am... I'm almost
a little concerned that
166
00:08:31,928 --> 00:08:34,597
you might be overqualified
for the position.
167
00:08:34,681 --> 00:08:37,100
Do you, um... do
you think that you are?
168
00:08:37,308 --> 00:08:40,645
Do I look like someone who
would waste my own time?
169
00:08:45,108 --> 00:08:47,193
Can you...
170
00:08:47,277 --> 00:08:50,613
You are a man of
great confidence.
171
00:08:51,072 --> 00:08:53,033
Could you speak
a little more to that
172
00:08:53,116 --> 00:08:55,952
and what the role ofconfidence
173
00:08:56,953 --> 00:09:00,206
would be in a dialog
with a subordinate?
174
00:09:00,790 --> 00:09:02,000
Will you be heard?
175
00:09:02,667 --> 00:09:04,085
Will you have a voice?
176
00:09:04,753 --> 00:09:06,755
Will I steamroll over you?
177
00:09:07,380 --> 00:09:10,383
Do you feel heard
right now, Jim?
178
00:09:12,010 --> 00:09:13,970
Do you have a voice right now?
179
00:09:15,638 --> 00:09:17,390
You can answer me. Yes.
180
00:09:17,682 --> 00:09:19,434
That was your choice, not mine.
181
00:09:20,477 --> 00:09:23,563
The fallacy is that it
is up to the steamroller.
182
00:09:23,813 --> 00:09:25,648
It is up to the object
183
00:09:26,524 --> 00:09:28,359
whether it will be
flattened or not.
184
00:09:28,693 --> 00:09:31,488
And I can tell just from the small
interaction we've had already,
185
00:09:31,571 --> 00:09:33,281
you won't be
flattened by anybody.
186
00:09:33,656 --> 00:09:35,909
Do you agree with me, Jim? Yes.
187
00:09:35,992 --> 00:09:37,702
Yes, you do.
188
00:09:58,098 --> 00:09:59,474
He creeps me out.
189
00:10:00,683 --> 00:10:02,602
But I think he
might be a genius.
190
00:10:06,856 --> 00:10:08,525
Dwight, there's a
call for you on line 2.
191
00:10:10,068 --> 00:10:11,319
No, thanks.
192
00:10:15,782 --> 00:10:17,659
He's in the shower.
193
00:10:31,589 --> 00:10:32,882
Good luck, Darryl.
194
00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:34,300
Thank you.
195
00:10:36,761 --> 00:10:38,471
Is that the kind of boss
he would be?
196
00:10:38,555 --> 00:10:41,641
Completely insensitive to the
insecurities of other people in this office
197
00:10:41,724 --> 00:10:43,869
who might also be interviewing
for the manager position
198
00:10:43,893 --> 00:10:46,146
and might also want to be
wished a little bit of luck
199
00:10:46,229 --> 00:10:48,606
'cause they're kind of
spinning out a little bit?
200
00:10:49,440 --> 00:10:52,569
I don't want that kind of
boss. No, thank you. Not good.
201
00:10:52,902 --> 00:10:55,446
Good man, though.
Nice guy. My best friend.
202
00:10:56,406 --> 00:10:57,407
Think about it.
203
00:10:57,490 --> 00:11:01,661
What other mammal, besides humans,
drinks the milk of another mammal?
204
00:11:01,828 --> 00:11:04,414
I mean, you don't see a
bear drinking raccoon milk.
205
00:11:04,622 --> 00:11:06,082
How long have
you been off dairy?
206
00:11:06,416 --> 00:11:09,002
As soon as I can say no to
those two pushers, Ben & Jerry.
207
00:11:10,670 --> 00:11:13,756
So this is cool. I think
we make a good fit.
208
00:11:14,215 --> 00:11:16,593
Oh, we haven't started
the interview yet.
209
00:11:17,385 --> 00:11:18,761
Were you joking?
210
00:11:21,139 --> 00:11:24,142
Uh, yes. I was.
211
00:11:24,434 --> 00:11:25,935
A little joke.
212
00:11:26,769 --> 00:11:29,355
So how would you
go about settling
213
00:11:29,439 --> 00:11:31,691
interpersonal conflicts
within the office?
214
00:11:32,483 --> 00:11:33,902
I thought that was your job.
215
00:11:34,944 --> 00:11:38,114
Well, it's one of my strengths,
but it's the manager's job.
216
00:11:39,616 --> 00:11:41,336
Well, for instance,
how did you deal with it
217
00:11:41,367 --> 00:11:43,369
when two warehouse
guys got into a fight?
218
00:11:43,453 --> 00:11:47,624
I'll answer that, Jim. I would
use it as an opportunity to teach
219
00:11:48,249 --> 00:11:52,962
about actions and
consequences of actions.
220
00:12:01,804 --> 00:12:02,889
Who's that?
221
00:12:03,681 --> 00:12:06,809
So I think all we need is a
resume and we'll be good, right?
222
00:12:08,478 --> 00:12:10,897
I just thought you knew me.
Yeah, it's no big deal.
223
00:12:10,980 --> 00:12:12,899
Just something
that looks like that.
224
00:12:13,149 --> 00:12:14,359
Jim: Cool?
225
00:12:14,442 --> 00:12:15,485
Let me...
226
00:12:17,987 --> 00:12:19,322
Cool.
227
00:12:27,956 --> 00:12:29,374
Did you just interview?
228
00:12:29,457 --> 00:12:31,167
Oh, unfortunately, yes.
229
00:12:35,255 --> 00:12:36,256
What do you mean?
230
00:12:36,839 --> 00:12:38,466
That business
can't attract anyone.
231
00:12:39,342 --> 00:12:40,677
It's awful up there.
232
00:12:41,344 --> 00:12:45,306
Those people seem like they're
in prison waiting out life sentences
233
00:12:45,390 --> 00:12:47,850
in a dying industry.
234
00:12:48,268 --> 00:12:49,519
Place must be horrible.
235
00:12:54,190 --> 00:12:55,984
I don't know if I want this job.
236
00:12:56,150 --> 00:12:59,279
Well, if I get this job offer, then
I know that I'm gonna take it.
237
00:12:59,362 --> 00:13:02,198
And if I take it, I know
that I'm never gonna quit.
238
00:13:02,282 --> 00:13:05,493
And then 25 years
are gonna go by,
239
00:13:07,954 --> 00:13:09,414
and I'm gonna die here.
240
00:13:09,831 --> 00:13:13,626
What makes you feel qualified to
judge a place after a mere interview?
241
00:13:21,843 --> 00:13:23,219
What are you doing?
242
00:13:27,849 --> 00:13:29,309
Stop trying to figure me out.
243
00:13:29,392 --> 00:13:30,852
I just did. You can't.
244
00:13:31,060 --> 00:13:32,770
It's done. No, it's not.
245
00:13:32,854 --> 00:13:34,188
I know you now, your nature.
246
00:13:34,272 --> 00:13:35,708
You don't know me. You
don't know anything about me.
247
00:13:35,732 --> 00:13:36,875
I'm done. Get out of my head.
248
00:13:36,899 --> 00:13:38,901
Not worth continuing.
Stop trying to figure me out.
249
00:13:43,197 --> 00:13:45,950
Do you even know
anything about paper?
250
00:13:46,034 --> 00:13:47,327
How it's made?
251
00:13:47,410 --> 00:13:50,955
I saw an episode on how they
make paper on sesame street.
252
00:13:53,374 --> 00:13:54,374
Get out.
253
00:13:54,417 --> 00:13:57,337
I'm gonna prevent inferior men
from sullying my place of work
254
00:13:57,420 --> 00:13:59,922
with their weak,
passionless leadership.
255
00:14:00,423 --> 00:14:04,969
Do you see my hat? No? That's
because I just threw it in the ring.
256
00:14:05,928 --> 00:14:08,264
You guys pay for
relocation, though, right?
257
00:14:08,348 --> 00:14:11,434
Well, why would you need relocation
if you already live in Scranton?
258
00:14:11,642 --> 00:14:14,187
Well, I'd wanna move
further away, you know?
259
00:14:14,270 --> 00:14:16,022
Just don't want
any chance of running
260
00:14:16,105 --> 00:14:17,774
into my coworkers
outside the office.
261
00:14:20,026 --> 00:14:22,445
Can I ask why you're
leaving your current job?
262
00:14:25,531 --> 00:14:29,577
I'm leaving my otherjob
because they were all jerks.
263
00:14:29,660 --> 00:14:31,621
Really. You know, all of them.
264
00:14:31,704 --> 00:14:34,290
You had yourjerk-wads
and yourjerk-offs, so...
265
00:14:34,999 --> 00:14:38,086
Just between the wads and the offs,
I just thought, "I gotta get out of here."
266
00:14:38,211 --> 00:14:40,088
Is this a bad time
to be doing this?
267
00:14:40,296 --> 00:14:43,174
I know I'm having a bad time.
268
00:14:43,841 --> 00:14:46,844
I'm sorry. If we did
something to upset you,
269
00:14:46,928 --> 00:14:48,679
I'm sure it was inadvertent.
270
00:14:55,311 --> 00:14:56,312
Wait.
271
00:14:56,562 --> 00:14:59,357
Oh, why did I believe
that weirdo in the lobby?
272
00:15:00,817 --> 00:15:02,902
These are the nicest
people I ever met.
273
00:15:04,821 --> 00:15:06,447
Thank you.
274
00:15:09,117 --> 00:15:10,118
I'm engaged.
275
00:15:10,827 --> 00:15:12,161
Damn, girl.
276
00:15:15,498 --> 00:15:16,958
Pam: It's gorgeous, Angela.
277
00:15:17,166 --> 00:15:19,144
Yeah, I actually know about
nice rings, and it is gorgeous.
278
00:15:19,168 --> 00:15:20,169
Wow.
279
00:15:20,253 --> 00:15:23,464
It's a little flashy. I mean,
what am I, Naomi judd?
280
00:15:23,881 --> 00:15:25,341
Tell us the freaking story!
281
00:15:25,466 --> 00:15:26,926
Yeah, tell us a story.
282
00:15:27,009 --> 00:15:30,847
Okay. He took me to the replica
of monet's Japanese bridge.
283
00:15:31,347 --> 00:15:34,225
And then he put this flower behind
my ear, which normally I would hate,
284
00:15:34,308 --> 00:15:35,852
'cause it's so civil rights-y.
285
00:15:35,935 --> 00:15:38,229
Then he got down on
one knee and he said,
286
00:15:38,521 --> 00:15:40,398
"will you be a senator's wife?"
287
00:15:42,525 --> 00:15:44,735
He talked about himself
in the third person?
288
00:15:44,819 --> 00:15:48,573
Yes, Pam. Not everyone is
as informal as you and Jim.
289
00:15:48,698 --> 00:15:51,617
"Hey, Pam, dude,
whatever. Wanna marry me?"
290
00:15:53,161 --> 00:15:54,495
That's not accurate.
291
00:15:54,579 --> 00:15:57,331
Then I saw flashes.
So, reporters were there.
292
00:15:57,415 --> 00:16:00,877
They always find us.
And everyone was crying.
293
00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:02,253
Even his aide.
294
00:16:02,795 --> 00:16:04,380
Angela's engaged to a gay man.
295
00:16:06,090 --> 00:16:07,717
As a gay man, I'm horrified.
296
00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:10,386
As a friend of
Angela's, horrified.
297
00:16:10,678 --> 00:16:14,348
As a lover of elegant
weddings, I'm a little excited.
298
00:16:14,891 --> 00:16:17,310
But overall, horrified.
299
00:16:18,311 --> 00:16:20,229
Andy? You all set?
300
00:16:22,231 --> 00:16:23,774
Okay, guys. It's time.
301
00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:27,195
It's pep talk time.
Tell me what I need to hear.
302
00:16:27,528 --> 00:16:29,989
Hmm, are you sure
this is a good idea? I...
303
00:16:30,406 --> 00:16:32,074
I hate to see you disappointed.
304
00:16:32,575 --> 00:16:34,452
That's not what
I was hoping for.
305
00:16:34,535 --> 00:16:36,975
Okay, I just want someone to
tell me, "you're gonna do great."
306
00:16:39,165 --> 00:16:41,209
You'll do great. Come on.
307
00:16:42,251 --> 00:16:44,170
You guys are my best friends.
308
00:16:49,759 --> 00:16:53,346
I'd be happy if Andy were
boss. He listens to my stories.
309
00:16:53,429 --> 00:16:55,932
And they're not all a-plus
stories, let's be honest.
310
00:16:56,015 --> 00:16:58,893
But you know what? He
always listens like they're a-plus.
311
00:17:01,437 --> 00:17:03,272
Well, some are a-plus.
312
00:17:04,857 --> 00:17:06,359
I think Andy should be the boss.
313
00:17:06,442 --> 00:17:08,194
He's just so great.
314
00:17:08,361 --> 00:17:11,447
If I'm being objective,
then Darryl, of course.
315
00:17:11,781 --> 00:17:14,408
So, Andy, what improvements
would you make as office manager?
316
00:17:14,492 --> 00:17:17,372
For starters, I really think we can
streamline communication around here.
317
00:17:17,787 --> 00:17:20,748
Whoa. That's a very heavy
accusation to level against Toby.
318
00:17:21,916 --> 00:17:23,042
I wasn't accusing...
319
00:17:23,125 --> 00:17:24,603
Well, Toby's in charge
of human resources.
320
00:17:24,627 --> 00:17:26,170
That would include
communication.
321
00:17:26,963 --> 00:17:28,798
I think that
Toby's done a fine job.
322
00:17:29,131 --> 00:17:32,426
Right. I really wasn't
trying to insult anyone.
323
00:17:33,052 --> 00:17:34,637
I didn't think you were.
324
00:17:34,762 --> 00:17:36,472
I have two relationships
with Andy.
325
00:17:36,681 --> 00:17:38,266
I have a personal relationship,
326
00:17:38,349 --> 00:17:39,934
and I have a professional
relationship.
327
00:17:40,142 --> 00:17:42,186
Personally, yeah,
I think he's a rat
328
00:17:42,270 --> 00:17:43,950
and I think he's
responsible for the demise
329
00:17:44,021 --> 00:17:45,481
of my relationship with Erin.
330
00:17:45,982 --> 00:17:47,608
Professionally...
331
00:17:48,484 --> 00:17:50,403
He broke up the happiest
couple in this office.
332
00:17:50,486 --> 00:17:52,206
How many windows are
there in New York City?
333
00:17:52,613 --> 00:17:54,323
What? Critical thinking.
334
00:17:54,407 --> 00:17:56,617
Common on-the-spot question
asked in an interview.
335
00:17:57,159 --> 00:17:59,662
Okay. Uh, let me think. Are
you counting car windows?
336
00:17:59,745 --> 00:18:01,706
No. How far away is the sun?
337
00:18:02,290 --> 00:18:03,958
Ninety-three million miles.
338
00:18:04,917 --> 00:18:06,544
Ism? Yeah.
339
00:18:07,044 --> 00:18:09,714
And the diameter of
the sun is 870,000 miles,
340
00:18:09,797 --> 00:18:11,841
which makes it 109 times
wider than the earth
341
00:18:12,008 --> 00:18:14,760
and 333,000 times
heavier than the earth.
342
00:18:14,844 --> 00:18:16,220
Shut up about the sun.
343
00:18:16,304 --> 00:18:18,723
Shut up about the sun!
344
00:18:22,602 --> 00:18:23,811
Okay, I'm not a doctor,
345
00:18:23,894 --> 00:18:26,522
but I think the medical
term for that was a spaz out.
346
00:18:27,607 --> 00:18:28,983
Gabe just lost it.
347
00:18:30,818 --> 00:18:32,862
That's the best part about
convening a tribunal.
348
00:18:33,571 --> 00:18:37,074
One bunal can go down, and
you still have two bunals left.
349
00:18:37,700 --> 00:18:38,743
Right?
350
00:18:40,328 --> 00:18:41,662
Andy, how'd it go?
351
00:18:41,829 --> 00:18:43,581
I don't want to brag, but...
352
00:18:45,166 --> 00:18:46,542
I did my best.
353
00:18:47,668 --> 00:18:48,878
Hello!
354
00:18:48,961 --> 00:18:50,421
I forgot something in my car.
355
00:18:53,382 --> 00:18:55,926
You guys are so cute. When
are you gonna get back together?
356
00:18:56,552 --> 00:18:58,638
Never. We're just friends.
357
00:18:58,721 --> 00:18:59,722
Oh!
358
00:18:59,889 --> 00:19:02,058
Okay, my mistake.
359
00:19:02,141 --> 00:19:05,645
You know, you could have any
man in this whole office with your legs.
360
00:19:06,395 --> 00:19:08,314
I say go for it,
if you're interested.
361
00:19:09,065 --> 00:19:12,818
But you're not, so never mind.
362
00:19:21,952 --> 00:19:24,830
I am unhappy with the confusing
363
00:19:24,914 --> 00:19:28,209
and, at times, confrontational
nature of that meeting.
364
00:19:28,292 --> 00:19:30,127
I wanted it to go better.
365
00:19:30,544 --> 00:19:32,880
I wanted it to go better!
366
00:19:34,423 --> 00:19:37,343
Yes, there used to be a paper
clip that would pop up and say,
367
00:19:37,426 --> 00:19:40,513
"looks like you are writing a letter
or resume. Would you like help?"
368
00:19:40,596 --> 00:19:43,683
I believe his name was clippy.
369
00:19:45,226 --> 00:19:47,269
Creed: First of all,
iwanna thank you
370
00:19:47,353 --> 00:19:49,480
for your years of
patronizing our company.
371
00:19:50,314 --> 00:19:53,651
I've got some bad news.
We're going out of business.
372
00:19:54,151 --> 00:19:55,152
Saving face.
373
00:19:57,113 --> 00:19:58,739
Yep, yep. I understand that.
374
00:19:59,448 --> 00:20:01,367
Basically everything's
falling apart here.
375
00:20:01,450 --> 00:20:03,202
How is this on me?
376
00:20:04,120 --> 00:20:05,121
Hang up.
377
00:20:06,580 --> 00:20:08,541
Corporate needs you
to find the differences
378
00:20:08,624 --> 00:20:11,460
between this picture
and this picture.
379
00:20:12,336 --> 00:20:14,380
Intel has told us there
were at least seven.
380
00:20:14,964 --> 00:20:16,757
Okay. I already
see one. Give me.
381
00:20:16,882 --> 00:20:17,967
Okay.
382
00:20:19,093 --> 00:20:20,511
They're the same picture.
383
00:20:21,887 --> 00:20:25,808
Well, I manage my department, and
I've been doing that for several years now.
384
00:20:25,933 --> 00:20:29,145
And, god, I've learned a lot
of life lessons along the way.
385
00:20:29,687 --> 00:20:31,397
Your department's
just you, right?
386
00:20:31,480 --> 00:20:33,691
Yes, Jim, but I am
not easy to manage.
387
00:20:33,941 --> 00:20:36,193
Great. Um, can we just...
388
00:20:37,069 --> 00:20:38,070
What was that?
389
00:20:38,612 --> 00:20:42,616
We just have a lot of serious
candidates to get through today, so...
390
00:20:43,075 --> 00:20:44,869
Am I not a serious candidate?
391
00:20:46,579 --> 00:20:47,747
What do you want me to say?
392
00:20:47,830 --> 00:20:49,915
I mean, there's a line of
qualified people out there.
393
00:20:49,999 --> 00:20:51,917
We have a video cv from england.
394
00:20:52,001 --> 00:20:53,753
Are we all just
gonna pretend to...
395
00:20:54,462 --> 00:20:55,838
Okay. Um...
396
00:20:56,630 --> 00:20:58,048
What are your weaknesses?
397
00:20:58,132 --> 00:20:59,884
I don't have any,
398
00:21:05,681 --> 00:21:08,058
Erin, I believe you have
my resume on file.
399
00:21:08,642 --> 00:21:12,396
Please print out four copies on
32-pound cotton stock, bright white.
400
00:21:14,190 --> 00:21:16,150
Ivory. Yes, sir.
401
00:21:16,233 --> 00:21:17,693
Who's in there now? Kelly.
402
00:21:18,235 --> 00:21:19,779
For god's sake.
403
00:21:19,862 --> 00:21:22,507
So, Kelly, what do you think the
future holds for the paper business?
404
00:21:22,531 --> 00:21:24,033
Me peeing on Gabe's corpse.
405
00:21:28,037 --> 00:21:29,079
I want an interview.
406
00:21:30,664 --> 00:21:32,208
Good. How's the family?
407
00:21:32,291 --> 00:21:34,168
Good? Are they good? Yeah.
408
00:21:35,211 --> 00:21:37,463
What's your daughter's
name again? Pee pee?
409
00:21:37,546 --> 00:21:38,589
Peepa.
410
00:21:38,672 --> 00:21:39,840
Peepa. How is she?
411
00:21:39,924 --> 00:21:41,091
Great. Great!
412
00:21:41,467 --> 00:21:42,968
Oh, that's great.
413
00:21:44,470 --> 00:21:46,490
We never were very good
at small talk, were we, Jim?
414
00:21:46,514 --> 00:21:47,514
Now, listen...
415
00:21:47,556 --> 00:21:49,308
You're not getting
an interview, Dwight.
416
00:21:49,391 --> 00:21:51,811
The whole point of this
search committee process
417
00:21:51,894 --> 00:21:53,705
is to prevent hiring
someone like you ever again.
418
00:21:53,729 --> 00:21:55,123
Okay. I know why
you're saying that, Jim.
419
00:21:55,147 --> 00:21:56,732
I really do. But
think of it this way.
420
00:21:57,942 --> 00:22:00,861
The hand that reaches from
the grave to grip your throat
421
00:22:00,945 --> 00:22:03,113
is the strong hand
you want on the wheel.
422
00:22:03,197 --> 00:22:04,573
Okay. That's vivid.
423
00:22:04,657 --> 00:22:06,450
Now, I'm gonna make
you an offer, okay?
424
00:22:06,534 --> 00:22:09,578
You even do so little
as Grant me an interview,
425
00:22:09,662 --> 00:22:12,998
I will guarantee you
your dream work life, okay?
426
00:22:13,082 --> 00:22:15,042
You roll in at 10:00 am.
427
00:22:15,125 --> 00:22:17,211
To your own private
reserved parking spot,
428
00:22:17,294 --> 00:22:20,589
pick up your daily free coffee
from Dwight's caffeine corner,
429
00:22:20,673 --> 00:22:22,800
unlimited sex breaks
for you and Pam.
430
00:22:22,925 --> 00:22:25,511
Yikes. Erin will eat garbage
for your entertainment.
431
00:22:25,636 --> 00:22:28,973
Wow. You know how I like
taking bribes.
432
00:22:29,056 --> 00:22:31,350
But unfortunately, Jo also
took the job away from you
433
00:22:31,433 --> 00:22:33,018
because she doesn't
trust your judgment.
434
00:22:33,185 --> 00:22:35,938
So how would that look for
me if I recommended you?
435
00:22:37,022 --> 00:22:39,275
Fine, I'll do it without you.
436
00:22:39,733 --> 00:22:42,236
Okay. You'll regret this.
437
00:22:43,279 --> 00:22:44,822
Let me get that for you.
438
00:22:45,531 --> 00:22:46,699
Okay. Thank you.
439
00:22:49,451 --> 00:22:51,429
As long as you keep it
moist, it's easier to work with.
440
00:22:51,453 --> 00:22:53,497
And I can't just use
a tube of Crescent rolls?
441
00:22:54,498 --> 00:22:57,459
You know what, go to
McDonald's for dinner. Why cook?
442
00:22:58,794 --> 00:22:59,837
Okay.
443
00:23:02,423 --> 00:23:03,883
Pam,
444
00:23:04,758 --> 00:23:06,135
I think Robert is gay.
445
00:23:06,468 --> 00:23:07,803
The senator?
446
00:23:08,846 --> 00:23:11,056
He was married before,
and he has a kid.
447
00:23:11,140 --> 00:23:12,433
So... and don't say that thing
448
00:23:12,516 --> 00:23:14,602
about how lots of
gay guys have kids.
449
00:23:15,936 --> 00:23:18,272
I have a very strong suspicion.
450
00:23:19,481 --> 00:23:20,482
Did you?
451
00:23:20,983 --> 00:23:23,444
Oh! No.
452
00:23:25,654 --> 00:23:26,989
Did you see him at a bathhouse?
453
00:23:27,489 --> 00:23:28,657
What bathhouse?
454
00:23:28,741 --> 00:23:30,826
The windowless building
by the baskin Robbins.
455
00:23:31,785 --> 00:23:32,786
What?
456
00:23:32,912 --> 00:23:35,080
Forget it. I'm never gonna
know what goes on there.
457
00:23:35,456 --> 00:23:38,250
Name: David Brent.
Occupation: Inspirer.
458
00:23:38,375 --> 00:23:40,377
Status: None of your business.
459
00:23:40,669 --> 00:23:42,713
Young, free and single,
though. Thanks for asking.
460
00:23:42,838 --> 00:23:45,049
Hear you're looking
for a new boss, yeah?
461
00:23:45,799 --> 00:23:48,552
Someone to tell a bunch of
discontented, under-encouraged drones
462
00:23:48,636 --> 00:23:49,720
what to do every day.
463
00:23:49,803 --> 00:23:52,556
Is that it? Our
out-of-touch powers that be.
464
00:23:52,640 --> 00:23:55,100
Want me to fire them? They
don't see things your way?
465
00:23:55,184 --> 00:23:57,770
Then I ain't that dude.
Bye-bye, baby, bye-bye.
466
00:23:57,853 --> 00:23:59,581
Get some other corporate
suit to lay down the law.
467
00:23:59,605 --> 00:24:01,190
What? You've changed your mind?
468
00:24:01,273 --> 00:24:03,108
You're now looking
for a leader of men?
469
00:24:03,609 --> 00:24:05,736
Ipso facto. Women too.
470
00:24:06,028 --> 00:24:07,488
When do I start?
471
00:24:07,571 --> 00:24:08,572
Eh?
472
00:24:11,367 --> 00:24:13,327
Hi. Hey. Hey.
473
00:24:13,410 --> 00:24:16,914
I realized I never paid you back for
that lunch you paid for, like, a month ago.
474
00:24:17,289 --> 00:24:18,415
Yeah, don't worry about it.
475
00:24:18,499 --> 00:24:20,292
Well, it's money.
476
00:24:20,376 --> 00:24:23,921
I was thinking I could make dinner for
you tonight, like a middle eastern feast.
477
00:24:24,546 --> 00:24:27,174
Chicken shawarmas, shish
kebabs, pita with hummus.
478
00:24:28,050 --> 00:24:31,553
Well, I think I only lent you like $3.
That would be so much more trouble.
479
00:24:32,096 --> 00:24:34,056
Just bring the money tomorrow.
No big deal.
480
00:24:35,057 --> 00:24:36,850
Or else I'll break your legs.
481
00:24:37,518 --> 00:24:39,603
Not if I can help it.
482
00:24:45,734 --> 00:24:47,319
My friend at the Scranton blade
483
00:24:47,403 --> 00:24:49,071
is totally plugged
into these matters.
484
00:24:49,530 --> 00:24:50,990
You're in the gay mafia.
485
00:24:51,073 --> 00:24:53,659
You're thinking of another
group, much wealthier, much older.
486
00:24:53,742 --> 00:24:54,952
You sound ignorant.
487
00:24:56,328 --> 00:24:58,497
You guys, um, talking senator?
488
00:24:59,581 --> 00:25:00,581
No.
489
00:25:00,624 --> 00:25:02,418
Why would we be
talking about the senator?
490
00:25:02,835 --> 00:25:04,545
'Cause he's totally gay.
491
00:25:05,337 --> 00:25:07,089
How do I know
that Robert is gay?
492
00:25:07,464 --> 00:25:11,510
He "liked" my Facebook
photos at 3:00 in the morning.
493
00:25:14,054 --> 00:25:15,414
It was a really
good photo, though.
494
00:25:15,973 --> 00:25:18,684
Do you know what it took
to get Bob to notice me?
495
00:25:19,059 --> 00:25:21,228
Iwaited in his
office every morning
496
00:25:21,311 --> 00:25:22,813
wearing nothing
but kitty cat ears.
497
00:25:22,896 --> 00:25:24,857
I did that every
day for two weeks.
498
00:25:24,940 --> 00:25:26,300
And on the tenth day,
he walked in,
499
00:25:26,358 --> 00:25:28,485
he was naked too,
except a dog nose.
500
00:25:29,278 --> 00:25:30,588
Guess what we did then?
Bestiality.
501
00:25:30,612 --> 00:25:31,812
I don't think I can do that...
502
00:25:32,322 --> 00:25:33,323
Yeah.
503
00:25:33,407 --> 00:25:34,700
That's not my personality.
504
00:25:34,783 --> 00:25:36,952
If my daughter were asking me...
505
00:25:38,203 --> 00:25:40,247
Yes?
506
00:25:40,330 --> 00:25:44,960
I would say if you want
someone, if you really want them,
507
00:25:45,461 --> 00:25:46,795
go get them.
508
00:25:48,464 --> 00:25:50,299
I do really want him.
509
00:25:51,759 --> 00:25:53,761
So, uh, here you go.
510
00:25:53,844 --> 00:25:56,055
Great. Hope it's all right.
511
00:25:56,138 --> 00:25:57,139
I'm sure it's fine.
512
00:25:58,098 --> 00:26:00,642
The guy who was in here
earlier, interviewed after me,
513
00:26:00,726 --> 00:26:01,935
how'd he do?
514
00:26:02,019 --> 00:26:03,437
Howard klein? No, no, no, no.
515
00:26:03,520 --> 00:26:04,813
That's not who
I'm talking about.
516
00:26:05,314 --> 00:26:07,316
Oh. Deshawn Williams.
517
00:26:07,399 --> 00:26:08,942
Yes. How did he do?
518
00:26:09,026 --> 00:26:11,487
He's an amazing man.
He's a rhodes scholar.
519
00:26:11,570 --> 00:26:15,407
He invented an app that
invents apps. Fantastic kisser.
520
00:26:15,491 --> 00:26:17,910
Come on, man. I'm
being serious. Don'tjoke.
521
00:26:18,077 --> 00:26:19,244
Darryl, we all know you.
522
00:26:19,328 --> 00:26:21,789
Your interview is not nearly
as important as the other guy's.
523
00:26:24,708 --> 00:26:27,419
First I'll take down
the cubicle walls.
524
00:26:27,503 --> 00:26:29,797
But there aren't...
Symbol of transparency.
525
00:26:29,922 --> 00:26:31,507
There'd be no titles.
526
00:26:32,424 --> 00:26:33,842
Everyone has the same job.
527
00:26:34,384 --> 00:26:35,761
Same goes for me.
528
00:26:36,178 --> 00:26:39,598
I'll take your job,
but I'd reject the title.
529
00:26:39,681 --> 00:26:40,724
A little unspecific.
530
00:26:40,808 --> 00:26:44,186
Everyone would be known
for their accomplishments.
531
00:26:44,812 --> 00:26:46,980
That's very interesting. Um...
532
00:26:47,064 --> 00:26:49,066
Ifeelhke there might
be a conflict there,
533
00:26:49,191 --> 00:26:51,944
and if a conflict did arise,
how would that be dealt with?
534
00:26:52,027 --> 00:26:53,862
Oh. Yeah.
535
00:26:55,030 --> 00:26:56,073
Hmm.
536
00:26:56,156 --> 00:26:58,437
Scratch everything from
before. I'll tell you what I'd do.
537
00:26:58,534 --> 00:26:59,827
Go the other way.
538
00:27:00,369 --> 00:27:01,787
More cubicles.
539
00:27:02,204 --> 00:27:03,330
More division.
540
00:27:04,039 --> 00:27:07,209
Everyone is somebody's boss,
541
00:27:07,376 --> 00:27:10,796
and that person can fire
the person below them.
542
00:27:10,879 --> 00:27:15,551
And once a month, the
lowest-performing person...
543
00:27:17,302 --> 00:27:18,303
Bye-bye.
544
00:27:18,387 --> 00:27:21,682
How would you compare
like an accountant and hr?
545
00:27:21,765 --> 00:27:23,725
Well, I'll tell
you how, shall I?
546
00:27:23,851 --> 00:27:25,477
I'll tell you how. Okay.
547
00:27:25,644 --> 00:27:27,771
By splitting the difference.
548
00:27:28,147 --> 00:27:30,691
Just somewhere in the middle.
549
00:27:30,816 --> 00:27:32,943
I think that's probably
all we need to hear from...
550
00:27:33,026 --> 00:27:34,069
Zen office.
551
00:27:35,988 --> 00:27:38,115
Thought of that?
That's what I'd do.
552
00:27:38,615 --> 00:27:41,577
Everyone takes their shoes
off before they come in.
553
00:27:41,994 --> 00:27:45,080
Okay? There'd be no desks.
You just sit on the floor.
554
00:27:45,789 --> 00:27:47,082
That's very...
555
00:27:47,166 --> 00:27:49,168
You've got a Thai
woman out in the back...
556
00:27:49,418 --> 00:27:50,586
Saki.
557
00:27:50,919 --> 00:27:52,421
Okay. Saki.
558
00:27:52,504 --> 00:27:53,714
That's not...
559
00:27:53,797 --> 00:27:55,507
Saki is her name, okay?
560
00:27:55,591 --> 00:27:58,677
She's administering massage,
all right, if you need it.
561
00:27:58,760 --> 00:28:01,555
If you don't, whatever. Just
talk to her. She's a person.
562
00:28:02,222 --> 00:28:04,766
Either way, 15 minutes
of that, and you...
563
00:28:05,767 --> 00:28:07,936
You are cracking to go.
564
00:28:09,855 --> 00:28:11,523
Office of the future.
565
00:28:12,900 --> 00:28:14,985
Like the inside
of a virgin airplane.
566
00:28:15,319 --> 00:28:17,988
Telecommuting, all right?
Everyone's at home.
567
00:28:18,071 --> 00:28:21,575
The office is just a big empty
space. It's just full of screens.
568
00:28:22,576 --> 00:28:26,371
Sony. Sony. Everything's
just Sony, made of Sony.
569
00:28:26,455 --> 00:28:27,456
From Sony.
570
00:28:27,539 --> 00:28:29,100
I don't think that's how
telecommuting works.
571
00:28:29,124 --> 00:28:35,422
And then we sell tickets to tourists
for them to see the office of the future.
572
00:28:35,839 --> 00:28:37,591
Okay. Wow. Cutting edge.
573
00:28:37,674 --> 00:28:40,928
You have to hire me.
574
00:28:41,011 --> 00:28:42,679
There's no ideas left.
575
00:28:43,430 --> 00:28:45,974
That's all the ideas there is.
576
00:28:46,266 --> 00:28:49,519
There's a lot more
where they came from.
577
00:28:56,235 --> 00:28:58,862
Jim, what can you tell us?
Is there a frontrunner?
578
00:28:58,946 --> 00:29:01,546
You know what? They all just
sort of blend together after a while.
579
00:29:02,324 --> 00:29:03,968
Well, there must be
someone who stands out.
580
00:29:03,992 --> 00:29:06,912
No, not at all. In fact, I'm
not even taking it seriously.
581
00:29:06,995 --> 00:29:09,474
I think at the end of the day, I'm
just gonna pick a name out of the hat.
582
00:29:09,498 --> 00:29:10,499
Oscar: Well...
583
00:29:10,582 --> 00:29:12,251
The hell you will!
584
00:29:12,334 --> 00:29:14,753
I worked for the last
boss for 15 years.
585
00:29:14,836 --> 00:29:17,547
According to my doctor, I
don't have another 15 years
586
00:29:17,631 --> 00:29:20,801
if I wanna keep up the same
dietary and sexual lifestyle,
587
00:29:20,884 --> 00:29:21,969
which I intend to.
588
00:29:22,052 --> 00:29:24,429
Oh, no, Stanley.
You'll live forever.
589
00:29:24,513 --> 00:29:28,100
My next boss will be my last
boss. He'll be at my funeral.
590
00:29:28,183 --> 00:29:31,603
So I would appreciate it if
you would take this seriously.
591
00:29:33,814 --> 00:29:36,817
You pick a crappy boss, you're
responsible for my crappy life.
592
00:29:36,900 --> 00:29:38,777
Okay, everybody.
I was just making a joke.
593
00:29:38,860 --> 00:29:40,570
I am taking it seriously.
I promise.
594
00:29:40,654 --> 00:29:42,155
Are you?
595
00:29:43,657 --> 00:29:47,369
Little advice? Take a day
off from the whole Jim shtick.
596
00:29:47,619 --> 00:29:49,329
Try caring about something.
597
00:29:49,621 --> 00:29:52,666
You might like
how it feels, James.
598
00:29:58,630 --> 00:30:00,632
Gabe, honey!
599
00:30:02,050 --> 00:30:04,177
Oh, lord. Take all this.
600
00:30:04,261 --> 00:30:05,304
All right.
601
00:30:05,387 --> 00:30:06,388
Here.
602
00:30:16,898 --> 00:30:17,899
Jim.
603
00:30:18,066 --> 00:30:19,346
Did you hear stern this morning?
604
00:30:19,401 --> 00:30:21,486
No. Was he good?
Uh, Robin was good.
605
00:30:21,570 --> 00:30:23,613
She's always good.
Keeps him on his toes.
606
00:30:23,697 --> 00:30:25,032
It's Howard's show, though.
607
00:30:25,407 --> 00:30:26,575
Whose is this?
608
00:30:27,117 --> 00:30:28,243
Darryl philbin.
609
00:30:28,452 --> 00:30:31,580
Oh. Very nice to see
a familiar face on top.
610
00:30:32,039 --> 00:30:35,667
My, a little long,
aren't we? Four pages?
611
00:30:35,751 --> 00:30:37,002
Is this the same Darryl philbin
612
00:30:37,085 --> 00:30:39,921
who's had two jobs in
10 years at one company?
613
00:30:40,005 --> 00:30:45,719
Yes, thanks to you who promoted
me after we, uh, interfaced.
614
00:30:46,094 --> 00:30:48,722
"Coordinated and
implemented receipt, storage,
615
00:30:48,805 --> 00:30:52,934
"and delivery of over 2.5
billion units of inventory."
616
00:30:53,018 --> 00:30:56,897
2.5 billion, Darryl? 2.5
billion units of what?
617
00:30:57,647 --> 00:30:59,608
Paper material, ma'am.
618
00:31:00,150 --> 00:31:01,318
Paper material?
619
00:31:01,443 --> 00:31:02,444
Pieces of paper.
620
00:31:03,278 --> 00:31:05,030
Anybody have a calculator?
621
00:31:08,617 --> 00:31:09,743
You figure what?
622
00:31:10,452 --> 00:31:13,622
Five hundred sheets
a ream, 24 reams a case,
623
00:31:14,164 --> 00:31:15,624
how long you worked here...
624
00:31:19,044 --> 00:31:22,047
I can see how you
landed in that ballpark.
625
00:31:22,255 --> 00:31:26,968
Laid end to end, it's enough to almost
stretch 60% of the way to the moon.
626
00:31:27,344 --> 00:31:30,597
I think this resume almost
stretches halfway to the moon.
627
00:31:31,473 --> 00:31:33,975
Jo, may I
speak to you for a second?
628
00:31:34,059 --> 00:31:35,685
Or what? You gonna shoot me?
629
00:31:38,188 --> 00:31:40,565
Oh, I enjoy laughing
at my mistakes
630
00:31:40,649 --> 00:31:42,984
because I've learned
so much from them.
631
00:31:43,652 --> 00:31:45,338
I'd like to be interviewed
for the position.
632
00:31:45,362 --> 00:31:46,613
I'll interview you right now.
633
00:31:46,696 --> 00:31:48,240
Okay. Question one.
634
00:31:48,323 --> 00:31:49,825
Ever shot a gun in the office?
635
00:31:51,827 --> 00:31:53,036
It's complicated.
636
00:31:53,120 --> 00:31:55,163
Yeah, but see, it's not.
637
00:31:57,165 --> 00:31:59,960
I will not give up. I won't
even be discouraged.
638
00:32:00,043 --> 00:32:03,755
Why? Because managing
this office is my destiny.
639
00:32:05,215 --> 00:32:07,426
My only potential obstacle is
640
00:32:07,509 --> 00:32:11,096
if becoming manager is
someone else's destiny as well.
641
00:32:12,389 --> 00:32:15,016
But, hey, if this is a
case of clashing destinies,
642
00:32:15,684 --> 00:32:16,852
enjoy the show.
643
00:32:17,519 --> 00:32:18,746
I don't think
we should tell her.
644
00:32:18,770 --> 00:32:21,490
Angela went a whole day without
telling me I had lettuce in my teeth.
645
00:32:21,523 --> 00:32:22,607
Screw her.
646
00:32:22,691 --> 00:32:24,276
I'm a woman.
I would want to know.
647
00:32:24,359 --> 00:32:25,378
Meredith: Yeah. You gotta know.
648
00:32:25,402 --> 00:32:29,281
Okay. But if Angela can
get a gay man to marry her,
649
00:32:29,698 --> 00:32:32,826
maybe I could get
a lesbian to marry me. Huh?
650
00:32:33,702 --> 00:32:34,744
Huh? That's hot.
651
00:32:34,828 --> 00:32:36,621
You have met a
lesbian in real life, right?
652
00:32:37,747 --> 00:32:41,543
What we should warn her about is
that the whole institution of marriage
653
00:32:41,960 --> 00:32:43,128
is corrupt. That's the lie.
654
00:32:43,211 --> 00:32:44,355
Okay, we're not
talking about that.
655
00:32:44,379 --> 00:32:45,659
We're not talking
about marriage.
656
00:32:45,714 --> 00:32:49,134
You know, this probably is
her last chance at a family.
657
00:32:50,177 --> 00:32:52,095
She does seem happy.
658
00:32:52,888 --> 00:32:54,556
You're right. You're right.
659
00:32:54,639 --> 00:32:56,850
She seems happy.
We don't tell her.
660
00:32:57,392 --> 00:32:58,643
We don't tell her. Pam: Okay.
661
00:32:59,936 --> 00:33:02,189
So what else
should we gossip about?
662
00:33:02,272 --> 00:33:06,234
I know, like who's gonna
be the new manager, right?
663
00:33:06,318 --> 00:33:07,611
Will it be...
664
00:33:10,071 --> 00:33:12,908
Me? Yes. Yes, it will.
665
00:33:13,325 --> 00:33:14,326
Yeah, right.
666
00:33:14,659 --> 00:33:16,328
Excuse me, Ms. Bennett,
may I have a word?
667
00:33:16,411 --> 00:33:17,496
Okay.
668
00:33:17,579 --> 00:33:18,872
Uh, can it be in private?
669
00:33:18,955 --> 00:33:20,749
Don't worry. It's not about you.
670
00:33:24,503 --> 00:33:26,671
As minority executive,
I think it's my responsibility
671
00:33:26,755 --> 00:33:28,715
to let you know
that Gabe is gross.
672
00:33:28,798 --> 00:33:30,091
I don't think it's professional
673
00:33:30,175 --> 00:33:31,444
that he was sleeping
with the receptionist,
674
00:33:31,468 --> 00:33:33,821
and then when Erin dumped
him so that she could be with Andy,
675
00:33:33,845 --> 00:33:36,681
he became a total
crazy stalker psycho.
676
00:33:36,765 --> 00:33:40,227
Welcome to Scranton, Jo, land
of 1,000 problems only you can fix.
677
00:33:43,605 --> 00:33:45,440
Oh, for god's sake.
678
00:33:48,360 --> 00:33:51,404
He's texting me his resume
one line at a time.
679
00:33:53,073 --> 00:33:56,451
These are costing me 10
cents apiece, you jackass.
680
00:33:56,535 --> 00:33:57,536
I'm roaming!
681
00:34:00,080 --> 00:34:02,832
Get me our biggest client
on the phone, right this instant.
682
00:34:08,463 --> 00:34:10,006
Who is our biggest client?
683
00:34:10,090 --> 00:34:11,466
Uh, just put him through to me.
684
00:34:13,009 --> 00:34:14,010
Okay.
685
00:34:15,971 --> 00:34:17,722
Hello, this is the client.
686
00:34:17,806 --> 00:34:18,974
It's creed.
687
00:34:19,182 --> 00:34:22,644
Fyi. I'm starting
my own paper company.
688
00:34:22,894 --> 00:34:25,188
Looking to poach
some chumps. You in?
689
00:34:25,272 --> 00:34:26,815
Yes.
690
00:34:26,898 --> 00:34:29,985
Cool! Let's keep
this on the q.T., okay?
691
00:34:30,068 --> 00:34:32,571
I don't want you to
be a dead mamma jamma.
692
00:34:32,654 --> 00:34:34,197
Great. Bye-bye.
693
00:34:39,744 --> 00:34:42,122
Get me our second
biggest client.
694
00:34:42,205 --> 00:34:43,790
This is great. I love work.
695
00:34:46,293 --> 00:34:47,377
Again?
696
00:34:50,505 --> 00:34:51,548
Hold, please.
697
00:34:54,509 --> 00:34:55,594
Hello?
698
00:34:56,261 --> 00:34:57,262
Who is this?
699
00:34:57,345 --> 00:34:59,431
This is your
second biggest client.
700
00:35:00,849 --> 00:35:05,353
I want you to listen very carefully.
I'm gonna sing you a song.
701
00:35:18,199 --> 00:35:19,659
Jo, you have one more candidate.
702
00:35:19,826 --> 00:35:21,953
Huh? He's a burn victim.
703
00:35:22,871 --> 00:35:24,039
He's all messed up.
704
00:35:24,623 --> 00:35:26,249
I can tell him to
get lost if you want.
705
00:35:26,333 --> 00:35:27,667
No. Send him in.
706
00:35:28,918 --> 00:35:30,170
Who is this?
707
00:35:31,463 --> 00:35:33,798
I have no idea. I know this guy.
708
00:35:42,641 --> 00:35:46,394
Hello, Mr. Souvenier.
Mr. Jacques souvenier?
709
00:35:46,936 --> 00:35:48,772
Nice to meet you.
It says here you're French?
710
00:35:49,189 --> 00:35:51,566
So you worked at your
last job for 15 years
711
00:35:51,650 --> 00:35:53,568
as assistant to
the regional manager.
712
00:35:53,652 --> 00:35:54,819
Assistant regional manager.
713
00:35:54,903 --> 00:35:56,047
Assistant to the
regional manager.
714
00:35:56,071 --> 00:35:58,073
Assistant regional manager.
What is it?
715
00:35:58,156 --> 00:35:59,908
Assistant regional manager.
716
00:35:59,991 --> 00:36:01,576
That's my mistake.
Sorry about that.
717
00:36:01,660 --> 00:36:03,980
The last paper company you
worked for burned to the ground?
718
00:36:04,037 --> 00:36:07,248
And all because they wouldn't hire a
manager who lived and breathed paper.
719
00:36:07,540 --> 00:36:08,541
Jim: That's a travesty.
720
00:36:09,000 --> 00:36:11,044
I wanna talk to Dwight
schrute for a second.
721
00:36:11,419 --> 00:36:12,671
I wanna ask him a question.
722
00:36:12,754 --> 00:36:13,838
Get Dwight.
723
00:36:13,922 --> 00:36:15,840
If he isn't here
in 60 seconds...
724
00:36:17,884 --> 00:36:20,762
Wait, wait!
No. Stop, stop. Jo...
725
00:36:22,889 --> 00:36:24,265
It's me. I'm Dwight.
726
00:36:27,227 --> 00:36:28,687
No. Wait. But...
727
00:36:28,770 --> 00:36:30,605
I mean, you're
Dwight and then...
728
00:36:31,064 --> 00:36:32,273
He's the...
729
00:36:32,607 --> 00:36:33,608
Yeah.
730
00:36:36,695 --> 00:36:39,948
Very unprofessional, Jacques.
Or should I say Dwight?
731
00:36:40,740 --> 00:36:44,786
Let's just say I had hired this
Jacques souvenier. Then what?
732
00:36:44,869 --> 00:36:46,305
I would have dressed
this way every day,
733
00:36:46,329 --> 00:36:47,622
legally changed my name,
734
00:36:47,706 --> 00:36:49,749
learned French sign
language, shown up,
735
00:36:49,833 --> 00:36:53,461
and been the best damn
branch manager you'd ever seen.
736
00:36:53,545 --> 00:36:55,463
All that for this job. Yes.
737
00:36:57,632 --> 00:36:58,967
That's Crazy.
738
00:37:00,719 --> 00:37:02,053
Get out of here.
739
00:37:05,348 --> 00:37:07,475
What a nut job.
740
00:37:10,395 --> 00:37:13,231
This guy was good.
Although he did keep saying
741
00:37:13,314 --> 00:37:15,126
that he needed two weeks off
right at the beginning
742
00:37:15,150 --> 00:37:16,860
for a trip to the finger lakes.
743
00:37:16,943 --> 00:37:18,695
Seriously, every five
minutes he was like,
744
00:37:18,778 --> 00:37:20,506
"hey, just making sure the
finger lakes thing is clear."
745
00:37:20,530 --> 00:37:24,576
Okay. It's fun to talk about the
rejects, but who's got you excited?
746
00:37:24,659 --> 00:37:25,994
Finger lakes guy is good.
747
00:37:26,453 --> 00:37:28,246
Darryl is also very good.
748
00:37:28,788 --> 00:37:31,750
You know, I just wish we'd find a
candidate that knows the company
749
00:37:31,833 --> 00:37:34,627
as well as, say, some of
the people on this committee,
750
00:37:34,711 --> 00:37:36,588
you know, who've been
here for a long time.
751
00:37:36,963 --> 00:37:37,964
Interesting.
752
00:37:38,339 --> 00:37:41,593
It'd be a demotion for Gabe
and Jim's not interested, so...
753
00:37:42,761 --> 00:37:44,929
Are you trying to tell me
you should be manager?
754
00:37:45,013 --> 00:37:46,347
You pulling a dick Cheney?
755
00:37:46,890 --> 00:37:50,852
No, I'm just saying if
we can't find someone...
756
00:37:51,728 --> 00:37:53,188
Yeah, sure, I could do it.
757
00:37:54,731 --> 00:37:57,233
You're funny.
Little dick Cheney.
758
00:37:58,193 --> 00:38:00,361
You want it? Ask for it.
759
00:38:01,154 --> 00:38:02,864
Say you're the
best man for the job.
760
00:38:07,035 --> 00:38:11,039
I would work really hard, and,
I mean, you could do worse.
761
00:38:11,956 --> 00:38:14,459
'Cause... for god's sake.
762
00:38:14,709 --> 00:38:16,878
Who's this fellow?
Went to Cornell.
763
00:38:17,545 --> 00:38:18,588
What's wrong with him?
764
00:38:18,671 --> 00:38:19,798
How much time do you have?
765
00:38:20,298 --> 00:38:21,883
Sales ability, none.
766
00:38:22,217 --> 00:38:24,135
Integrity? See sales ability.
767
00:38:24,803 --> 00:38:27,096
And that's your unbiased
opinion. Yes, it is.
768
00:38:27,180 --> 00:38:30,058
So it's not relevant that he took
the receptionist away from you.
769
00:38:30,683 --> 00:38:33,603
Oh, Jo. Jo,
I'm disappointed in you.
770
00:38:33,686 --> 00:38:36,314
Some people let personal
things into the work...
771
00:38:36,397 --> 00:38:38,292
Is she with him? Because
I thought that she's just...
772
00:38:38,316 --> 00:38:40,068
Gabe!
773
00:38:40,944 --> 00:38:44,030
Back when I bought this
place, I was looking for a ghost.
774
00:38:44,572 --> 00:38:47,158
Somebody to flitter around,
spooking people,
775
00:38:47,242 --> 00:38:49,869
keeping them on their toes,
and then disappear.
776
00:38:50,161 --> 00:38:52,872
My girlfriend said she knew a
man who looked like a ghost,
777
00:38:53,122 --> 00:38:54,624
and he went to business school.
778
00:38:55,166 --> 00:38:57,168
But a ghost ain't
supposed to date people.
779
00:38:57,252 --> 00:38:59,003
You think you're beetlejuice?
No.
780
00:38:59,087 --> 00:39:01,714
I'm no beetlejuice.
You're no good to me up here.
781
00:39:02,298 --> 00:39:05,593
You got all close to these
people, got involved in their lives.
782
00:39:06,302 --> 00:39:07,637
Let's get you back to Florida.
783
00:39:08,096 --> 00:39:09,456
We'll figure out
something for you.
784
00:39:09,889 --> 00:39:11,015
Thatsounds like a promotion.
785
00:39:11,099 --> 00:39:12,141
It's not.
786
00:39:12,475 --> 00:39:14,519
Let's get Kelly in
here to take his place.
787
00:39:14,602 --> 00:39:15,854
Uh, why Kelly?
788
00:39:16,062 --> 00:39:18,147
'Cause Gabe's tall and weak.
She's short and strong.
789
00:39:18,231 --> 00:39:19,440
I'm doing an opposites thing.
790
00:39:20,650 --> 00:39:21,651
Okay.
791
00:39:21,901 --> 00:39:23,361
How'd my girl Nelly do?
792
00:39:23,444 --> 00:39:24,863
Oh, I didn't know you knew her.
793
00:39:24,946 --> 00:39:26,573
She didn't mention it?
794
00:39:26,698 --> 00:39:28,908
The integrity move. I like it.
795
00:39:29,284 --> 00:39:32,161
Yeah, we met at some dumb
women in business seminar.
796
00:39:32,704 --> 00:39:35,039
I was the speaker, and
she was the only person there
797
00:39:35,123 --> 00:39:37,750
who wasn't trying to
sell some curves ripoff.
798
00:39:38,626 --> 00:39:40,503
You know, she also
gave me reason to think
799
00:39:40,587 --> 00:39:42,380
that maybe she
wasn't a good fit.
800
00:39:42,463 --> 00:39:44,299
Well, I'm not saying
you must hire her.
801
00:39:44,465 --> 00:39:47,552
If you find someone
who's clearly a fit, then fine.
802
00:39:47,635 --> 00:39:49,470
Just make sure
they fit real good.
803
00:39:49,637 --> 00:39:52,432
No more manager turnover.
Don't mess this up, Jim.
804
00:39:54,142 --> 00:39:55,727
And give Dwight an interview.
805
00:39:56,227 --> 00:39:58,187
I like a little bit of crazy.
806
00:40:02,442 --> 00:40:03,860
Erin, what are you doing?
807
00:40:03,943 --> 00:40:05,695
I've been turned into a puppet.
808
00:40:05,778 --> 00:40:07,447
Okay.
809
00:40:07,530 --> 00:40:09,991
Look at the puppet. Hi, puppet.
810
00:40:10,158 --> 00:40:11,159
Who are you?
811
00:40:11,451 --> 00:40:13,578
I was going to put
on a puppet show today
812
00:40:13,661 --> 00:40:17,165
to warn people about the faulty
outlet behind the fax machine.
813
00:40:18,583 --> 00:40:19,918
But change of plan.
814
00:40:20,585 --> 00:40:22,670
I went to drop off
the fedex forms,
815
00:40:22,962 --> 00:40:26,841
and an evil witch named
Angela turned me into a puppet!
816
00:40:26,925 --> 00:40:30,428
Yeah. Low blow, puppet.
817
00:40:30,929 --> 00:40:35,266
And there's only one thing that
can change me back into a real girl.
818
00:40:36,225 --> 00:40:37,310
It's good.
819
00:40:37,852 --> 00:40:41,522
It's just that I wish the puppets
would talk more about the alphabet.
820
00:40:42,023 --> 00:40:45,902
Not for me, but if
any kids are watching.
821
00:40:46,486 --> 00:40:49,280
A, b... and so forth.
822
00:40:49,781 --> 00:40:50,949
You know.
823
00:40:51,532 --> 00:40:54,118
M, n, I, o, p.
824
00:40:59,290 --> 00:41:02,251
Ineed the most special
thing in the office.
825
00:41:02,335 --> 00:41:03,335
Shence?
826
00:41:03,378 --> 00:41:05,672
A date with the best salesman,
827
00:41:06,589 --> 00:41:08,841
Andy Bernard!
828
00:41:18,101 --> 00:41:19,602
Hey, enn.
829
00:41:21,020 --> 00:41:23,106
Where'd you learn
how to puppet like that?
830
00:41:23,314 --> 00:41:25,209
I've done it all my life.
Listen, I'm really flattered,
831
00:41:25,233 --> 00:41:26,401
but I don't think we should.
832
00:41:33,032 --> 00:41:35,952
Erin's my best friend in
this office, hands down.
833
00:41:36,911 --> 00:41:38,037
But
834
00:41:38,579 --> 00:41:41,666
when she asked me out, I just
didn't have that feeling, you know?
835
00:41:41,749 --> 00:41:44,002
Aren't there some things
that you really want to like
836
00:41:44,085 --> 00:41:46,963
but you just can't
seem to like it?
837
00:41:47,046 --> 00:41:50,091
Like mad men or football.
838
00:41:51,050 --> 00:41:53,344
Let's not forget. Erin
chose Gabe over me.
839
00:41:53,428 --> 00:41:54,679
Thathappened.
840
00:41:55,930 --> 00:41:59,559
I'm not gonna apologize
for getting over her, okay?
841
00:42:00,768 --> 00:42:04,397
I'm sorry. I would go for
someone who's more...
842
00:42:06,607 --> 00:42:07,984
She's great, though.
843
00:42:14,615 --> 00:42:17,910
Hey, Jim. Elevator man.
Hey. Yup. All right.
844
00:42:17,994 --> 00:42:19,787
So, listen.
845
00:42:20,413 --> 00:42:24,417
Ifeelhke I came off terribly
today, and I want to just start over.
846
00:42:24,500 --> 00:42:26,544
What can I do?
Should I call Jo or...
847
00:42:26,669 --> 00:42:28,605
Maybe have my old boss
call her. Listen, listen, listen.
848
00:42:28,629 --> 00:42:30,548
This isn't you, okay?
849
00:42:30,631 --> 00:42:34,218
The Darryl we all love,
he's calm, he's confident.
850
00:42:34,302 --> 00:42:36,262
So, just be that guy. Okay.
851
00:42:36,345 --> 00:42:38,014
All right? Okay, yeah.
852
00:42:38,097 --> 00:42:39,474
I was thinking that. All right.
853
00:42:40,058 --> 00:42:41,851
Yup. Thanks. Means a lot.
854
00:42:41,934 --> 00:42:42,935
Of course.
855
00:42:43,186 --> 00:42:46,731
Stanley, I won't be able to
invite everyone to the wedding,
856
00:42:46,814 --> 00:42:48,900
because we wanna keep it to 350.
857
00:42:48,983 --> 00:42:50,234
I'll get over it.
858
00:42:50,318 --> 00:42:52,361
I mean, we just have to
see how many senators
859
00:42:52,445 --> 00:42:54,697
and members of congress
want to attend
860
00:42:54,781 --> 00:42:57,200
before we can open it
up to regular people.
861
00:42:57,992 --> 00:43:00,912
Pam, you know how you and
Jim did your ironic wedding?
862
00:43:00,995 --> 00:43:03,955
Do you still have the plans for the
dream wedding that you couldn't afford?
863
00:43:04,457 --> 00:43:05,792
That was our dream wedding.
864
00:43:06,834 --> 00:43:08,169
Niagara Falls?
865
00:43:08,836 --> 00:43:11,130
Pregnant? That was your dream?
866
00:43:12,006 --> 00:43:13,382
Pork medallions?
867
00:43:15,927 --> 00:43:20,014
I hope you have a very
beautiful wedding, Angela.
868
00:43:22,517 --> 00:43:25,561
So, Angela, are you looking
forward to your wedding night?
869
00:43:26,270 --> 00:43:29,190
What goes on in our bedroom
is none of your business, Phyllis.
870
00:43:29,524 --> 00:43:30,858
Or yours.
871
00:43:34,737 --> 00:43:38,533
Oscar, you build up
these enemies in your head
872
00:43:38,699 --> 00:43:40,576
and you want to see them suffer.
873
00:43:41,119 --> 00:43:44,080
But the thing is, you don't.
874
00:43:45,832 --> 00:43:47,375
You don't.
875
00:43:51,587 --> 00:43:53,381
Oh, Oscar.
876
00:43:54,715 --> 00:43:56,259
All right.
877
00:43:56,342 --> 00:43:57,969
Name. Dwight schrute.
878
00:43:58,052 --> 00:44:00,263
Thank you, Mr. Schnoot.
We will let you know.
879
00:44:00,638 --> 00:44:02,348
You have to interview me.
I just did.
880
00:44:02,431 --> 00:44:05,059
The answer to that one question
told me everything I need to know.
881
00:44:05,393 --> 00:44:06,519
How did I do? To be honest,
882
00:44:06,602 --> 00:44:09,564
I'm leaning towards another man.
His name is Jacques souvenier.
883
00:44:09,647 --> 00:44:12,316
But would you like
to be his number two?
884
00:44:12,400 --> 00:44:16,320
God, it's gonna be hard,
but, yeah, I would do it.
885
00:44:16,487 --> 00:44:17,840
Okay, well, there's
a lot to think about,
886
00:44:17,864 --> 00:44:19,949
so we will get back to you.
887
00:44:20,032 --> 00:44:21,242
I demand more questions.
888
00:44:21,325 --> 00:44:22,785
All right, guys. Good day.
889
00:44:22,869 --> 00:44:24,412
A lot of candidates.
Let's discuss.
890
00:44:24,537 --> 00:44:26,473
Okay, if you're not gonna
interview me, thenl1ldoit
891
00:44:26,497 --> 00:44:27,540
yes.
892
00:44:28,166 --> 00:44:29,917
What will be
your first priority?
893
00:44:31,085 --> 00:44:33,713
I will have seven
first priorities.
894
00:44:33,796 --> 00:44:36,048
Safety, profits,
895
00:44:36,507 --> 00:44:39,844
fostering a community of
self-reliance and entrepreneurship,
896
00:44:40,261 --> 00:44:43,014
listening, respect
for human life,
897
00:44:43,681 --> 00:44:48,019
bolstering our public image, and
getting everyone home on time.
898
00:44:49,103 --> 00:44:50,855
Dwight, let me be frank,
899
00:44:50,980 --> 00:44:52,773
in an accident that
no one can blame you for,
900
00:44:52,857 --> 00:44:55,943
an antique gun was discharged
while you were acting manager.
901
00:44:56,277 --> 00:44:58,237
How are we ever
to trust you again?
902
00:45:01,866 --> 00:45:02,867
That's a great question.
903
00:45:04,702 --> 00:45:09,707
I am going to institute a strict
"no firearms" policy for this office
904
00:45:09,790 --> 00:45:12,293
that extends to myself as well.
905
00:45:12,668 --> 00:45:15,588
Wow. All of my
concerns are disappearing.
906
00:45:15,880 --> 00:45:17,632
Thank you, Dwight. Thank you.
907
00:45:22,094 --> 00:45:24,513
You'll be hearing from
us shortly, Mr. Schrute,
908
00:45:24,805 --> 00:45:27,558
and I think you're going to like
the call you're going to receive.
909
00:45:28,184 --> 00:45:29,685
Oh, come on.
910
00:45:31,646 --> 00:45:33,522
I'm just happy
that I got this meeting.
911
00:45:37,985 --> 00:45:39,153
Well, that was quick.
912
00:45:39,237 --> 00:45:42,365
Very, very interesting.
913
00:45:43,074 --> 00:45:45,159
And you know what?
I'm impressed.
914
00:45:45,743 --> 00:45:46,953
He's not a real candidate.
915
00:45:47,036 --> 00:45:48,972
I don't know, Jim, 'cause it
makes me think about something
916
00:45:48,996 --> 00:45:50,331
that my grandfather used to say,
917
00:45:50,414 --> 00:45:53,417
which is that sometimes the
hand that jumps out of the grave
918
00:45:53,501 --> 00:45:55,002
and grabs you around the throat,
919
00:45:55,086 --> 00:45:57,463
that is the hand that
you want on the wheel.
920
00:45:57,546 --> 00:45:59,590
You took the deal.
Yeah. It was a great deal.
921
00:45:59,674 --> 00:46:00,925
That's not okay.
922
00:46:01,008 --> 00:46:03,088
I don't know, Dwight seems
like a great leader to me,
923
00:46:03,135 --> 00:46:06,472
and I look forward to the personal
perks that he promised me privately.
924
00:46:06,555 --> 00:46:07,765
What do you think, Toby?
925
00:46:07,848 --> 00:46:09,493
Well, we could try him
out for a little while,
926
00:46:09,517 --> 00:46:13,980
and if it doesn't work out, you know,
maybe one of us could, you know, step in.
927
00:46:14,689 --> 00:46:16,315
What is happening right now?
928
00:46:18,985 --> 00:46:21,362
Is it true that you're
making Dwight the manager?
929
00:46:21,445 --> 00:46:22,780
No. Why would you think that?
930
00:46:22,863 --> 00:46:25,157
Well, he and Kelly said,
then they pre-fired me.
931
00:46:25,241 --> 00:46:26,242
Okay.
932
00:46:29,537 --> 00:46:32,290
Okay, guys, just so you all
know, no decision has been made.
933
00:46:32,373 --> 00:46:34,709
And Dwight is definitely
not the boss.
934
00:46:34,792 --> 00:46:37,628
That is correct actually,
Dwight is not the manager yet.
935
00:46:37,712 --> 00:46:40,089
No, no, no, noteven 'cause
that's not gonna happen.
936
00:46:40,172 --> 00:46:42,049
Well, it's not entirely
up to you, is it?
937
00:46:42,133 --> 00:46:44,802
Seems to me like someone
is getting a little power mad.
938
00:46:44,885 --> 00:46:47,513
Am I the only one who remembers
what he did when he was in charge?
939
00:46:47,596 --> 00:46:49,157
I feel like I'm going
a little bit crazy.
940
00:46:49,181 --> 00:46:52,059
Tuna, you're completely sane.
Thank you.
941
00:46:52,268 --> 00:46:53,644
Who do you like for the job?
942
00:46:53,936 --> 00:46:56,731
Is there anyone who maybe
was a little underwhelming at first
943
00:46:56,814 --> 00:47:01,485
but now seems like a safe, if
not slightly unexciting, choice?
944
00:47:01,610 --> 00:47:04,947
Okay. It seems like everybody
has an opinion, so who else?
945
00:47:05,031 --> 00:47:06,449
Anybody? Do you mean it?
946
00:47:06,532 --> 00:47:08,701
Anybody? Are you sure?
947
00:47:08,784 --> 00:47:10,202
I suppose I am.
948
00:47:10,286 --> 00:47:13,831
Okay. Well, what do
I want in a manager?
949
00:47:14,415 --> 00:47:16,208
Let me see.
950
00:47:17,585 --> 00:47:20,087
What do I want?
951
00:47:20,755 --> 00:47:21,922
I don't think he meant...
952
00:47:22,048 --> 00:47:24,842
Hey, so now anyone
gets to talk at any time?
953
00:47:24,925 --> 00:47:26,093
Go ahead.
954
00:47:26,594 --> 00:47:29,180
What do I want?
955
00:47:31,057 --> 00:47:34,643
I'm looking for someone who...
956
00:47:37,021 --> 00:47:39,440
Everyone is listening to me.
957
00:47:40,441 --> 00:47:41,650
Can I say... Jim: Yes.
958
00:47:41,734 --> 00:47:42,943
I think it should be Darryl.
959
00:47:43,027 --> 00:47:44,362
Jim: Okay. What a surprise.
960
00:47:44,445 --> 00:47:45,988
Minorities sticking together.
961
00:47:46,072 --> 00:47:47,406
Kelly's on your side.
962
00:47:47,490 --> 00:47:50,117
I'm sorry, is that all you
think of me? A minority?
963
00:47:50,201 --> 00:47:54,955
I am so much more than that. I am a dancer.
I'm a singer. I'm a fashion designer.
964
00:47:55,039 --> 00:47:57,291
Whoever it is, I think
they should be lame.
965
00:47:58,125 --> 00:48:01,837
Kind of a non-threatening,
moderate personality.
966
00:48:02,129 --> 00:48:03,881
I want an outsider. Perfect.
967
00:48:03,964 --> 00:48:06,234
There are several outside
candidates that we think would be...
968
00:48:06,258 --> 00:48:07,510
No, I mean an outsider.
969
00:48:08,010 --> 00:48:09,887
Like someone on
the margins of society
970
00:48:09,970 --> 00:48:12,556
who doesn't see things the way
we do, like a homeless person.
971
00:48:12,681 --> 00:48:14,308
A homeless person. Really?
972
00:48:15,309 --> 00:48:16,602
A homeless person.
973
00:48:16,685 --> 00:48:18,372
No. You're right, Pam.
Let's just leave them
974
00:48:18,396 --> 00:48:20,156
to the welfare system
and let that handle it.
975
00:48:20,189 --> 00:48:22,066
No, I want you to
say that you think
976
00:48:22,149 --> 00:48:25,403
the best person to be our new
manager is a homeless person.
977
00:48:25,486 --> 00:48:26,862
Let me guess who you want, Pam.
978
00:48:26,946 --> 00:48:29,407
Rachael ray?
The ladies of the view?
979
00:48:29,490 --> 00:48:33,411
I got away with everything
under the last boss,
980
00:48:33,494 --> 00:48:35,371
and it wasn't
good for me at all.
981
00:48:35,454 --> 00:48:38,457
So I want guidance.
I want leadership.
982
00:48:38,874 --> 00:48:41,919
But don't just, like, boss
me around, you know?
983
00:48:42,002 --> 00:48:43,170
Like, lead me.
984
00:48:43,295 --> 00:48:48,342
Lead me when
I'm in the mood to be led.
985
00:48:48,676 --> 00:48:50,302
I just want, for once,
986
00:48:50,386 --> 00:48:54,265
a smart, professional, decisive,
well-hung man in his 40s.
987
00:48:54,348 --> 00:48:56,225
Hey, hey, hey! Okay, fine.
988
00:48:56,517 --> 00:48:59,019
Uh, the guy with the tiny penis.
989
00:48:59,103 --> 00:49:01,647
Are you happy?
Let's hire that guy!
990
00:49:01,730 --> 00:49:03,524
She may have a point there.
991
00:49:03,858 --> 00:49:06,277
Would a small penis work?
992
00:49:06,694 --> 00:49:08,612
Small to moderate.
993
00:49:08,696 --> 00:49:09,947
Gotta catch a plane.
994
00:49:10,573 --> 00:49:12,116
Hey, Gabe, I'm sorry.
995
00:49:12,199 --> 00:49:13,951
We didn't get you
a cake or anything.
996
00:49:14,034 --> 00:49:15,035
We're gonna miss you.
997
00:49:15,119 --> 00:49:17,538
Well, I'm still the corporate
liaison to the branch.
998
00:49:17,621 --> 00:49:20,332
You are not leaving
without giving me a hug.
999
00:49:21,625 --> 00:49:22,626
Ugh.
1000
00:49:22,710 --> 00:49:24,604
Okay, you know what? You
don't need to make that sound.
1001
00:49:24,628 --> 00:49:27,232
I'm sorry. You were just a lot bonier
than I thought you were gonna be!
1002
00:49:27,256 --> 00:49:29,136
There are plenty of people
who love touching me.
1003
00:49:29,383 --> 00:49:30,593
I'm a terrific hugger.
1004
00:49:31,218 --> 00:49:32,320
I've been with a bunch of girls
1005
00:49:32,344 --> 00:49:34,054
where that's basically
all they wanna do.
1006
00:49:34,555 --> 00:49:35,973
I will see you all soon.
Later, man.
1007
00:49:36,056 --> 00:49:37,183
Vvewinflssyou. Goodluck
1008
00:49:37,266 --> 00:49:38,546
Ryan: Good luck at your new job.
1009
00:49:38,601 --> 00:49:39,911
Take care, man.
Dwight: Gonna miss you, Gabe.
1010
00:49:39,935 --> 00:49:42,646
Listen up. Listen up, ladies.
1011
00:49:43,898 --> 00:49:45,232
I want the job.
1012
00:49:46,442 --> 00:49:47,776
There. I said it.
1013
00:49:48,402 --> 00:49:51,405
I'm educated, I'm capable,
I like all of you,
1014
00:49:51,572 --> 00:49:54,450
and I won't make any changes.
1015
00:49:55,242 --> 00:49:56,410
I see it.
1016
00:49:56,911 --> 00:50:01,373
I see it like I see a mountain that I'm
standing in front of and facing and I'm liking.
1017
00:50:01,707 --> 00:50:02,708
Phyllis: Yeah. Yeah.
1018
00:50:02,791 --> 00:50:04,960
Andy would be wonderful as boss.
1019
00:50:05,127 --> 00:50:06,462
Erin made a good point.
1020
00:50:07,588 --> 00:50:10,382
No. We're not related.
I got the call.
1021
00:50:12,009 --> 00:50:13,761
But I'll tell her
some other day.
1022
00:50:15,095 --> 00:50:16,472
Okay, what's going on?
1023
00:50:16,931 --> 00:50:19,475
I thought I told you guys
to expand the company.
1024
00:50:19,808 --> 00:50:23,771
Hlooks exactly the same.
I'm very disappointed.
1025
00:50:24,313 --> 00:50:26,273
Jordana, get me Jo on the phone.
1026
00:50:30,069 --> 00:50:31,779
Okay, nobody say anything.
1027
00:50:38,619 --> 00:50:41,705
Hey, creed, this is Jo.
No, don't say another word.
1028
00:50:41,789 --> 00:50:45,292
I need you to take
a nap right now. Yes.
1029
00:50:46,043 --> 00:50:49,838
I want to talk to you in your dream.
Lay down and put the phone...
1030
00:50:50,631 --> 00:50:55,302
Great. Very good. Okay,
you gonna go to sleep.
1031
00:50:55,970 --> 00:50:57,490
Okay, I think we have
about 40 minutes.
1032
00:50:58,138 --> 00:50:59,139
What about Darryl?
1033
00:51:00,140 --> 00:51:02,226
We can all agree that
he's a standup guy, right?
1034
00:51:02,309 --> 00:51:05,521
Very nice, laid back.
Overall, just a good guy.
1035
00:51:05,604 --> 00:51:08,440
What if he brings some of
those warehouse types up here?
1036
00:51:08,524 --> 00:51:09,900
They're not carnies.
1037
00:51:10,109 --> 00:51:11,336
Meredith: Can we see
a birth certificate?
1038
00:51:11,360 --> 00:51:13,946
I mean, how do we know he wasn't
born in mubajuba or something?
1039
00:51:14,029 --> 00:51:15,322
What difference would that make?
1040
00:51:15,406 --> 00:51:18,659
I'm just saying American
jobs should go to Americans.
1041
00:51:20,953 --> 00:51:23,706
Meredith, you can't
just spit in the office.
1042
00:51:24,665 --> 00:51:26,000
Okay, I went too far.
1043
00:51:26,834 --> 00:51:27,835
Angela.
1044
00:51:28,002 --> 00:51:30,296
Well, let me be clear.
I only speak for myself,
1045
00:51:30,379 --> 00:51:32,423
and not myself and the senator.
1046
00:51:32,631 --> 00:51:34,800
I think we have some
wonderful candidates,
1047
00:51:34,883 --> 00:51:37,177
and there is a great
lively debate here.
1048
00:51:37,344 --> 00:51:39,013
But let's think about... no. No.
1049
00:51:39,096 --> 00:51:41,682
No.sony we cut Kevin
off for the same thing.
1050
00:51:41,765 --> 00:51:43,892
You have to have
something to say if you talk.
1051
00:51:43,976 --> 00:51:45,102
Exactly.
1052
00:51:45,185 --> 00:51:47,146
Jada. No, no, no.
Jada, what are you...
1053
00:51:48,147 --> 00:51:50,107
Oh. So sorry, guys.
1054
00:51:50,190 --> 00:51:52,651
I hope my family didn't
disrupt your meeting.
1055
00:51:52,901 --> 00:51:56,322
Daddy, are these the people who
are making you manager?
1056
00:51:56,405 --> 00:51:58,490
Maybe, sweetheart.
1057
00:51:58,574 --> 00:52:00,618
Single dad. Challenges.
1058
00:52:01,493 --> 00:52:03,746
Jada: I don't know if
he'd be a good manager,
1059
00:52:03,829 --> 00:52:05,247
but he's a really great dad.
1060
00:52:05,372 --> 00:52:07,875
Okay. This was
a mistake. Let's go.
1061
00:52:08,876 --> 00:52:11,795
It seems like we all know enough
to vote. Should we just vote now?
1062
00:52:11,879 --> 00:52:13,189
What? No, no,
no. It's not a vote.
1063
00:52:13,213 --> 00:52:15,257
Then what was this all about?
I don't know.
1064
00:52:15,341 --> 00:52:17,176
This conversation
really got away from me.
1065
00:52:17,259 --> 00:52:18,802
I don't care.
They can just vote.
1066
00:52:18,886 --> 00:52:20,179
No, they can't.
1067
00:52:20,262 --> 00:52:22,014
That's not how
this is gonna work.
1068
00:52:22,556 --> 00:52:25,059
We're going in this
room. We're gonna have a meeting.
1069
00:52:25,142 --> 00:52:26,536
We're gonna make
a recommendation to Jo,
1070
00:52:26,560 --> 00:52:29,521
and she's gonna give you her
recommendation on Monday, okay?
1071
00:52:29,897 --> 00:52:31,315
What the hell
happened out there?
1072
00:52:35,903 --> 00:52:38,822
Sometimes you hear people
talking about failing upwards.
1073
00:52:40,240 --> 00:52:41,617
I think I'm about to do that.
1074
00:52:42,743 --> 00:52:44,912
This job? Oh, yeah, I'll get it.
1075
00:52:45,746 --> 00:52:47,206
Jo's an old friend.
1076
00:52:47,706 --> 00:52:50,459
I think I'm her best friend.
1077
00:52:50,834 --> 00:52:52,211
She's not my best friend.
1078
00:52:52,544 --> 00:52:54,380
Every day, I have
a blueberry muffin.
1079
00:52:54,672 --> 00:52:56,882
Today I did not have
a blueberry muffin.
1080
00:52:57,800 --> 00:52:59,385
Should have had
the blueberry muffin.
1081
00:52:59,760 --> 00:53:03,097
Especially considering how
incredibly superstitious I am.
1082
00:53:03,639 --> 00:53:05,719
No. I've never been more
sure of anything in my life.
1083
00:53:06,183 --> 00:53:08,185
I will be the new boss of...
1084
00:53:10,062 --> 00:53:11,563
Vance refrigeration.
1085
00:53:12,898 --> 00:53:15,651
Honestly, I think
I sabotaged myself.
1086
00:53:15,776 --> 00:53:18,028
It's like I'm
afraid of being happy.
1087
00:53:19,071 --> 00:53:20,364
Case in point,
1088
00:53:21,323 --> 00:53:23,492
I was supposed to
start another job today.
1089
00:53:23,784 --> 00:53:25,536
I will get offered the job.
1090
00:53:26,328 --> 00:53:29,331
That's a call I've
received many times.
1091
00:53:29,415 --> 00:53:33,502
The slight hopefulness in
their voice, the pregnant pause
1092
00:53:33,585 --> 00:53:36,630
while they wait
to hear my response.
1093
00:53:36,964 --> 00:53:39,883
And then my response.
1094
00:53:41,468 --> 00:53:43,804
I want the job. I really do.
1095
00:53:44,012 --> 00:53:46,807
It's just the rest of my family's
in the finger lakes right now.
1096
00:53:47,015 --> 00:53:49,476
I'm supposed to be in
the finger lakes right now.
1097
00:53:49,977 --> 00:53:53,397
I told them I was on a hike,
snuck away to do this interview.
1098
00:53:53,897 --> 00:53:55,858
I gotta get back pretty soon.
They'll worry.
1099
00:53:56,150 --> 00:53:58,235
People disappear
in the finger lakes.
1100
00:53:58,861 --> 00:54:03,991
I will run this branch or
I will destroy this branch.
1101
00:54:05,743 --> 00:54:09,329
Or, I don't know.
Something always works out.
1102
00:54:14,626 --> 00:54:18,255
You remind me so much
of my fourth biggest client.
1103
00:54:18,338 --> 00:54:19,733
Is that right?
1104
00:54:19,757 --> 00:54:21,008
I think you two should meet.
1105
00:54:21,300 --> 00:54:22,300
Vveh, okay_.
1106
00:54:22,342 --> 00:54:26,263
Hey, jordana, patch my ninth and
my fourth biggest client together.
1107
00:54:30,642 --> 00:54:31,685
Hello?
1108
00:54:31,852 --> 00:54:33,052
Hello!
1109
00:54:33,187 --> 00:54:34,521
Hi, how are you?
1110
00:54:34,646 --> 00:54:35,999
Oh, I'm good!
1111
00:54:36,023 --> 00:54:39,485
Don't you just love paper
and things about paper?
1112
00:54:40,110 --> 00:54:41,546
Hey, are you single?
1113
00:54:41,570 --> 00:54:43,447
This seems like
a love connection to me!
1114
00:54:43,530 --> 00:54:44,531
It's kismet.
1115
00:54:45,032 --> 00:54:47,201
Personally, I think
Darryl would be good.
1116
00:54:47,326 --> 00:54:50,829
It has to be Darryl,
or someone I don't know.
1117
00:54:51,371 --> 00:54:52,640
I thought the woman who came in,
1118
00:54:52,664 --> 00:54:54,541
she seemed like
she had a fun energy.
1119
00:54:54,625 --> 00:54:58,003
I'm not a sexist. I just really
don't want it to be a woman.
1120
00:54:58,962 --> 00:55:02,549
I just feel that women are
generally less competent than men
1121
00:55:02,633 --> 00:55:04,301
and less rational.
1122
00:55:04,384 --> 00:55:06,178
Again, I'm not a sexist.
1123
00:55:06,720 --> 00:55:11,391
Even Andy...
They need to pick someone.
1124
00:55:12,392 --> 00:55:14,895
Just someone. Fast.
80984
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