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Eliza: If you want to know what I'm up to,
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00:00:01,771 --> 00:00:03,792
all you have to do is look
at my feed, and you'll see.
3
00:00:03,793 --> 00:00:05,922
My man, my Mani,
4
00:00:05,923 --> 00:00:08,197
my mini, which is actually a fiat,
5
00:00:08,198 --> 00:00:10,100
#lessbasicbitch.
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Henry, on the other hand,
wasn't on Instagram.
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00:00:12,436 --> 00:00:14,104
So if you want to know
what the hell he's doing,
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00:00:14,105 --> 00:00:16,106
you have to stop by his office.
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What the hell are you doing?
10
00:00:17,441 --> 00:00:21,511
This soothing balm is causing
me a great deal of discomfort.
11
00:00:21,512 --> 00:00:24,648
Our diaper cream sales
have been... Well, stinky.
12
00:00:24,649 --> 00:00:26,216
[Gasps]
13
00:00:26,217 --> 00:00:29,152
- We should sell it as an eye cream.
- What?
14
00:00:29,153 --> 00:00:32,188
I read on some beauty blog
that's what J-albs does.
15
00:00:32,189 --> 00:00:33,657
Or J-lo.
16
00:00:33,658 --> 00:00:35,625
One of the J's.
17
00:00:35,626 --> 00:00:38,862
Look.
18
00:00:38,863 --> 00:00:41,197
I must admit, your under-eye region...
19
00:00:41,198 --> 00:00:42,699
Does look luminous.
20
00:00:42,700 --> 00:00:45,235
Mm-hmm. I call it "Butt Eyes."
21
00:00:45,236 --> 00:00:47,337
No. No, you don't. That is a terrible name.
22
00:00:47,338 --> 00:00:49,339
But it is a solid idea.
23
00:00:49,340 --> 00:00:52,142
We market our diaper cream
for an unexpected use.
24
00:00:52,143 --> 00:00:54,577
We target new moms who
aren't getting enough sleep
25
00:00:54,578 --> 00:00:56,212
and could desperately use...
26
00:00:56,213 --> 00:00:58,214
- Butt Eyes!
- Please stop saying that.
27
00:00:58,215 --> 00:00:59,816
I promise I can come up with a better name.
28
00:00:59,817 --> 00:01:02,218
A little bit of you, a
little bit of me, right?
29
00:01:02,219 --> 00:01:04,587
Right. In the meantime,
30
00:01:04,588 --> 00:01:07,123
go pitch this to Saperstein!
He's gonna love it!
31
00:01:07,124 --> 00:01:08,224
[Clears throat] Yeah.
32
00:01:08,225 --> 00:01:09,526
I'm more of a "have the idea" person.
33
00:01:09,527 --> 00:01:12,829
I'm not really, like, a "bring
the idea to Saperstein" person.
34
00:01:12,830 --> 00:01:14,194
It's... Liza, this is a good idea,
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00:01:14,195 --> 00:01:15,658
and I want him to know that it's yours.
36
00:01:15,659 --> 00:01:17,434
Here's another one I had... the Blorkel.
37
00:01:17,435 --> 00:01:19,436
It's a blanket with a built-in snorkel
38
00:01:19,437 --> 00:01:21,237
- so...
- Mm, yeah.
39
00:01:21,238 --> 00:01:24,374
You have a strong, viable
idea for this company
40
00:01:24,375 --> 00:01:27,243
whose value far exceeds
that of an aquatic blanket.
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00:01:27,244 --> 00:01:28,511
So go to Saperstein.
42
00:01:28,512 --> 00:01:31,381
Pitch him your diaper-cream
concept this very instant!
43
00:01:31,382 --> 00:01:32,549
"Srsly"?
44
00:01:32,550 --> 00:01:34,117
Seriously.
45
00:01:34,118 --> 00:01:37,520
It's so you can breathe
under the covers, right?
46
00:01:37,521 --> 00:01:39,289
- What?
- The Blorkel.
47
00:01:39,290 --> 00:01:41,424
Oh! [Laughs] Yeah. Exactly.
48
00:01:41,425 --> 00:01:44,127
If I were you, I'd "Shark Tank" that one.
49
00:01:44,128 --> 00:01:45,462
Maybe I will.
50
00:01:45,463 --> 00:01:48,832
I'll give you $100 for 90% of your company!
51
00:01:48,833 --> 00:01:51,334
♪ I'm looking at me ♪
52
00:01:51,335 --> 00:01:53,770
♪ hey, look, it's me ♪
53
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♪ not to make it all me ♪
54
00:01:56,107 --> 00:01:58,608
♪ funny thing about me ♪
55
00:01:58,609 --> 00:02:02,809
♪ is while I'm looking at me-e-e-e-e ♪
56
00:02:03,347 --> 00:02:07,547
♪ I'm hoping to find you ♪
57
00:02:09,353 --> 00:02:11,654
Thank you.
58
00:02:11,655 --> 00:02:12,655
[Gasps] Oopsies! Ooh.
59
00:02:12,656 --> 00:02:14,390
Yes, my oopsies, as well.
60
00:02:14,391 --> 00:02:17,160
Oh. You are Eliza Dooley's
acquaintances, are you not?
61
00:02:17,161 --> 00:02:19,095
Wren and... Prue?
62
00:02:19,096 --> 00:02:21,598
He got it right. Wow.
63
00:02:21,599 --> 00:02:23,566
We're delivering hand-crafted sandwiches
64
00:02:23,567 --> 00:02:26,703
for Bryn's artisanal farm-to-
conference-table food concept.
65
00:02:26,704 --> 00:02:29,839
Ah, yes. I hear they've amassed
quite a following upstairs.
66
00:02:29,840 --> 00:02:31,608
Wren must be enjoying a healthy profit.
67
00:02:31,609 --> 00:02:34,144
Um, actually, since we
all make the sandwiches,
68
00:02:34,145 --> 00:02:36,179
we're all enjoying profit.
69
00:02:36,180 --> 00:02:38,481
We've bucked the traditional
corporate structure
70
00:02:38,482 --> 00:02:40,617
in favor of a shared equity model, so...
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00:02:40,618 --> 00:02:43,186
Well, good luck with that. Yeah.
72
00:02:43,187 --> 00:02:45,188
- Dig the shoes.
- Pardon?
73
00:02:45,189 --> 00:02:49,159
I said, "dig the shoes."
74
00:02:49,160 --> 00:02:51,227
- Thank you.
- Nice...
75
00:02:51,228 --> 00:02:54,764
Leather-bound early edition
copy of "Little Women."
76
00:02:54,765 --> 00:02:56,766
Yeah, I wrote an analysis of that novel
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00:02:56,767 --> 00:02:58,568
for my women's studies thesis.
78
00:02:58,569 --> 00:03:02,172
I see. And in your thesis,
what exactly did you "thees"?
79
00:03:02,173 --> 00:03:04,474
I argued that a Jo and Laurie marriage
80
00:03:04,475 --> 00:03:06,810
would have made a superior
ending due to their obvious...
81
00:03:06,811 --> 00:03:08,678
sexual tension? [Chuckles]
82
00:03:08,679 --> 00:03:10,146
I couldn't agree more.
83
00:03:10,147 --> 00:03:13,384
Okay, speaking of sexual
tension, you guys...
84
00:03:14,652 --> 00:03:18,188
...or is this just regular tension?
85
00:03:18,189 --> 00:03:21,324
I'm gonna head back.
86
00:03:21,325 --> 00:03:23,326
You should come by our book club, Henry.
87
00:03:23,327 --> 00:03:25,662
It should be fun to have,
like, a male perspective.
88
00:03:25,663 --> 00:03:26,696
[Chuckles]
89
00:03:26,697 --> 00:03:28,498
Yeah, I-I'll think about it. Yeah.
90
00:03:28,499 --> 00:03:29,833
Aah!
91
00:03:29,834 --> 00:03:32,335
Prue, take it down six notches.
92
00:03:32,336 --> 00:03:34,537
[Quietly] Ahh.
93
00:03:34,538 --> 00:03:35,538
Well?
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00:03:35,539 --> 00:03:37,273
Omg, h-dog,
95
00:03:37,274 --> 00:03:39,742
I am pumped like some re-released Reeboks.
96
00:03:39,743 --> 00:03:41,411
Tell me! I just bid on and won
97
00:03:41,412 --> 00:03:43,580
a pair of limited edish
Marc Jacobs jellies!
98
00:03:43,581 --> 00:03:45,114
Shopshifter user Babyfuzz
99
00:03:45,115 --> 00:03:47,283
can straight up suck it in some Havianas.
100
00:03:47,284 --> 00:03:49,319
I'm sorry. I-I am confused.
101
00:03:49,320 --> 00:03:50,687
She's the Ratchet I was bidding against.
102
00:03:50,688 --> 00:03:54,123
And Havianas are, like,
the every flip-flop.
103
00:03:54,124 --> 00:03:56,159
No. Eliza, what happened
with Sam Saperstein
104
00:03:56,160 --> 00:03:58,528
- when you told him your idea?
- Oh, that.
105
00:03:58,529 --> 00:04:00,597
Okay, so, I was on my way
to Saperstein's office,
106
00:04:00,598 --> 00:04:04,234
and I started think about how
"sapers" sounds like zappos...
107
00:04:04,235 --> 00:04:04,993
No, it doesn't.
108
00:04:04,994 --> 00:04:08,137
...Which in turn reminded me
that I needed a good water shoe.
109
00:04:08,138 --> 00:04:09,873
A water sh... why does
anyone need a good water...
110
00:04:09,874 --> 00:04:11,708
And I'd been fiending for those M.J.'S,
111
00:04:11,709 --> 00:04:14,143
and then it was like, "seize the day."
112
00:04:14,144 --> 00:04:15,178
You know?
113
00:04:15,179 --> 00:04:16,379
No, I don't know.
114
00:04:16,380 --> 00:04:18,715
In fact, I'm fairly certain
the "carpe Diem" philosophy
115
00:04:18,716 --> 00:04:20,783
does not apply to online shoe shopping.
116
00:04:20,784 --> 00:04:23,152
Aah! [Clears throat]
117
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All right, this is not longer an ask.
This is a demand.
118
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Follow through on your great idea.
119
00:04:28,559 --> 00:04:30,793
I am personally walking you
over to Saperstein's office.
120
00:04:30,794 --> 00:04:32,495
Right now. Out of your chair. Let's go.
121
00:04:32,496 --> 00:04:35,298
Um, I can walk by myself,
thank you very much.
122
00:04:35,299 --> 00:04:36,633
All right. Okay?
123
00:04:36,634 --> 00:04:38,635
Oh! [Thud]
124
00:04:38,636 --> 00:04:41,237
Starting now.
125
00:04:41,238 --> 00:04:42,872
And so, you'll notice my under-eye region
126
00:04:42,873 --> 00:04:45,375
is as smooth and supple
as a baby's back door.
127
00:04:45,376 --> 00:04:48,244
- The end.
- That's remarkable.
128
00:04:48,245 --> 00:04:50,546
And I love how I knew your
presentation had finished.
129
00:04:50,547 --> 00:04:52,215
[Chuckles]
130
00:04:52,216 --> 00:04:54,817
Mm-hmm.
131
00:04:54,818 --> 00:04:58,588
No, don't look at me, sir.
This is all her. [Chuckles]
132
00:04:58,589 --> 00:05:00,123
Miss Dooley, if I had my druthers,
133
00:05:00,124 --> 00:05:01,357
we'd squirt diaper cream on the face
134
00:05:01,358 --> 00:05:03,526
of every woman in this country,
whether she liked it or not.
135
00:05:03,527 --> 00:05:04,694
Yikes. [Clears throat]
136
00:05:04,695 --> 00:05:06,362
The only... problem
137
00:05:06,363 --> 00:05:08,698
is that we can't legally
advertise a product
138
00:05:08,699 --> 00:05:10,667
for something other than its intended use.
139
00:05:10,668 --> 00:05:12,302
- Oh, well.
- No. Not "oh, well."
140
00:05:12,303 --> 00:05:13,836
Never "oh, well." Okay.
141
00:05:13,837 --> 00:05:16,506
We need an unofficial way
to get the word out.
142
00:05:16,507 --> 00:05:17,640
Well, what about Twitter?
143
00:05:17,641 --> 00:05:19,309
I have hundreds of thousands of followers
144
00:05:19,310 --> 00:05:20,810
on Twitter and Instagram
145
00:05:20,811 --> 00:05:23,479
and dozens of contacts waiting
to connect with me on Linkedin.
146
00:05:23,480 --> 00:05:25,281
I can get the word out... unofficially.
147
00:05:25,282 --> 00:05:28,885
By all means, tweet, gram, uh, link in.
148
00:05:28,886 --> 00:05:30,887
Okay. You know what's happening right now?
149
00:05:30,888 --> 00:05:32,322
A brainstorming sesh.
150
00:05:32,323 --> 00:05:34,691
We're riffing. It's a riff.
151
00:05:34,692 --> 00:05:36,693
We're like a corporate jazz trio
152
00:05:36,694 --> 00:05:38,861
trying to figure out a profit tune.
153
00:05:38,862 --> 00:05:41,398
[Imitating bass]
154
00:05:43,200 --> 00:05:44,300
Henry on the hi-hat.
155
00:05:44,301 --> 00:05:46,169
[Imitating cymbals]
156
00:05:46,170 --> 00:05:47,503
Eliza Dooley on the French horn.
157
00:05:47,504 --> 00:05:49,172
Uh, I don't know what we're doing here.
158
00:05:49,173 --> 00:05:50,106
Solo. It's your solo.
159
00:05:50,107 --> 00:05:53,276
[Sighs]
160
00:05:53,277 --> 00:05:57,180
♪ Don't really know what a
French horn sounds like ♪
161
00:05:57,181 --> 00:05:59,182
Mr. Saperstein, there's a...
162
00:05:59,183 --> 00:06:01,417
[imitations stop]
163
00:06:01,418 --> 00:06:04,420
I'm sorry. I didn't
realize you were riffing.
164
00:06:04,421 --> 00:06:06,356
I will let the board know
you're in a jazz meeting.
165
00:06:06,357 --> 00:06:09,158
Thank you, Joan. [Imitating bass]
166
00:06:09,159 --> 00:06:11,194
[Imitating cymbals]
167
00:06:11,195 --> 00:06:14,597
[Vocalizing nasally]
168
00:06:14,598 --> 00:06:16,566
That night, for the first time ever,
169
00:06:16,567 --> 00:06:18,167
I took my work home with me
170
00:06:18,168 --> 00:06:20,103
and tried to come up with a hashtag
171
00:06:20,104 --> 00:06:22,271
to make Butt Eyes go viral.
172
00:06:22,272 --> 00:06:23,606
[Groans]
173
00:06:23,607 --> 00:06:25,608
Why do people favorite
when they can re-tweet?
174
00:06:25,609 --> 00:06:28,277
Nut up, dude!
175
00:06:28,278 --> 00:06:32,415
[Sighs] My mom's such a coward.
176
00:06:32,416 --> 00:06:34,550
Hey, do you want to meet my mom?
177
00:06:34,551 --> 00:06:36,586
- They're in town this week.
- Hmm? Who's in town?
178
00:06:36,587 --> 00:06:37,587
My parents.
179
00:06:37,588 --> 00:06:39,889
Oh, you want me to meet the parents?
180
00:06:39,890 --> 00:06:43,192
Like in that movie, uh, "Meet the Parents"?
181
00:06:43,193 --> 00:06:47,196
Yeah. I mean, unless you're not into it.
182
00:06:47,197 --> 00:06:48,331
Hmm? I'm fully into it.
183
00:06:48,332 --> 00:06:50,233
- Yeah?
- Yeah! Hell yeah.
184
00:06:50,234 --> 00:06:51,734
- Hell yeah.
- Hmm.
185
00:06:51,735 --> 00:06:54,037
Great.
186
00:06:55,439 --> 00:06:58,541
Okay, you know what?
Hashtags would have to wait.
187
00:06:58,542 --> 00:07:00,777
I had a super-hot guy in my bed who was...
188
00:07:05,449 --> 00:07:08,451
Good morning! How are you?
But keep your answer brief,
189
00:07:08,452 --> 00:07:10,119
'cause I'm really just waiting
to tell you how I am.
190
00:07:10,120 --> 00:07:11,254
I'm fine! How are you?
191
00:07:11,255 --> 00:07:13,756
I think I'm okay, but last
night, for the first time ever,
192
00:07:13,757 --> 00:07:16,793
Freddy and I slept together
without sleeping together.
193
00:07:16,794 --> 00:07:18,194
Mm-hmm.
194
00:07:18,195 --> 00:07:21,464
Meaning I didn't ride
the pony to pound town.
195
00:07:21,465 --> 00:07:23,466
I got that.
196
00:07:23,467 --> 00:07:25,301
Well?
197
00:07:25,302 --> 00:07:27,804
Why aren't you exploding
into a million charmoniques
198
00:07:27,805 --> 00:07:29,806
and scurrying across the floor in shock?!
199
00:07:29,807 --> 00:07:31,140
Because I'm not shocked.
200
00:07:31,141 --> 00:07:33,242
It sounds like your relationship
with Freddy is maturing.
201
00:07:33,243 --> 00:07:36,112
Yeah. He asked me to meet the parents.
202
00:07:36,113 --> 00:07:38,514
Oh, you mean like in that
movie "Meet the Fockers"?
203
00:07:38,515 --> 00:07:40,149
Yeah, but back to us not having sex.
204
00:07:40,150 --> 00:07:43,352
Is that what happens in
mature relationships?
205
00:07:43,353 --> 00:07:45,254
Every relationship is different,
206
00:07:45,255 --> 00:07:47,356
but none of them are different, yes?
207
00:07:47,357 --> 00:07:49,158
That's how you know you're
on the next level, though,
208
00:07:49,159 --> 00:07:52,396
when you think about more than
just having sex with them.
209
00:07:53,564 --> 00:07:55,798
[Sighs]
210
00:07:55,799 --> 00:07:57,733
Are you thinking about having
sex with him right now?
211
00:07:57,734 --> 00:08:00,537
No! [Moans]
212
00:08:01,238 --> 00:08:03,407
Okay, get away from my desk.
213
00:08:04,741 --> 00:08:06,777
[Shudders]
214
00:08:12,382 --> 00:08:13,850
Hi.
215
00:08:13,851 --> 00:08:15,418
God!
216
00:08:15,419 --> 00:08:18,121
God! My heart is racing.
217
00:08:18,122 --> 00:08:20,156
Mine, too. Workplace rendezvous?
218
00:08:20,157 --> 00:08:22,191
This is not a rendezvous.
219
00:08:22,192 --> 00:08:23,559
Technically, any meeting is a rendezvous.
220
00:08:23,560 --> 00:08:25,228
[Chuckles]
221
00:08:25,229 --> 00:08:26,529
Touché.
222
00:08:26,530 --> 00:08:28,731
And additionally, please leave.
223
00:08:28,732 --> 00:08:30,399
I'm sorry?
224
00:08:30,400 --> 00:08:33,269
I'm sorry, Wren, but I learned
in my women's studies seminar
225
00:08:33,270 --> 00:08:35,838
that no one likes to be falsely encouraged.
226
00:08:35,839 --> 00:08:38,541
So I must respectfully express
that I am not interested
227
00:08:38,542 --> 00:08:41,511
in forging a romantic convergence.
228
00:08:41,512 --> 00:08:43,179
With you.
229
00:08:43,180 --> 00:08:44,680
Yeah. Got it.
230
00:08:44,681 --> 00:08:48,318
[Sarcastically] Thanks for being so frank.
231
00:08:49,753 --> 00:08:52,588
Wren, hold on a second.
232
00:08:52,589 --> 00:08:54,257
[Chuckles]
233
00:08:54,258 --> 00:08:56,026
[Sighs]
234
00:08:57,561 --> 00:09:00,310
I'm not really a muffin guy, so...
235
00:09:07,354 --> 00:09:08,854
[Knock on door]
236
00:09:08,855 --> 00:09:10,689
Sir, Charlie said you wanted to see me?
237
00:09:10,690 --> 00:09:12,730
Uh, yes. That's exactly
what I told him to say.
238
00:09:13,627 --> 00:09:16,095
Come in. Take a seat.
239
00:09:16,096 --> 00:09:17,263
[Clears throat]
240
00:09:17,264 --> 00:09:19,131
Henry, I just wanted to thank you
241
00:09:19,132 --> 00:09:22,101
for the tremendous work you've
been doing with Eliza. Oh.
242
00:09:22,102 --> 00:09:25,271
I took the liberty of ordering
us a celebratory Sammie.
243
00:09:25,272 --> 00:09:26,705
Oh, cheers. Very kind of you, sir.
244
00:09:26,706 --> 00:09:28,507
[Chuckles]
245
00:09:28,508 --> 00:09:30,209
You know, Henry, I don't
know the difference
246
00:09:30,210 --> 00:09:31,710
between a panini and a Pokémon.
247
00:09:31,711 --> 00:09:33,112
You don't?
248
00:09:33,113 --> 00:09:36,148
But I do know this little
piece of edible sunshine
249
00:09:36,149 --> 00:09:38,083
is the highlight of my day.
250
00:09:38,084 --> 00:09:39,185
Hmm.
251
00:09:39,186 --> 00:09:41,554
Mmm.
252
00:09:47,427 --> 00:09:49,094
[Choking, coughing] Sir?
253
00:09:49,095 --> 00:09:53,299
Are you... are you all right?
Is there something wrong?
254
00:09:54,467 --> 00:09:56,635
E-everything's wrong.
255
00:09:56,636 --> 00:09:58,304
Everything!
256
00:09:58,305 --> 00:10:02,274
The old sandwich was sweet,
salty, creamy, crisp.
257
00:10:02,275 --> 00:10:06,312
She was a... a toothsome journey.
But this? Th...
258
00:10:06,313 --> 00:10:08,347
it's...
259
00:10:08,348 --> 00:10:11,050
Excuse me.
260
00:10:14,221 --> 00:10:16,455
Ah, yes. Hello.
261
00:10:16,456 --> 00:10:18,457
I just picked up two of
your artisan sammies,
262
00:10:18,458 --> 00:10:19,658
and I'm just wondering
263
00:10:19,659 --> 00:10:21,293
if we're up against some
sort of chutney issue.
264
00:10:21,294 --> 00:10:23,429
I see.
265
00:10:23,430 --> 00:10:27,600
Right. Well, uh, thank
you for the explanation.
266
00:10:32,539 --> 00:10:34,407
Hmm.
267
00:10:36,142 --> 00:10:37,776
What is the explanation?
268
00:10:37,777 --> 00:10:40,246
Well, Henry, it's a tale as old as time.
269
00:10:40,247 --> 00:10:43,249
Girl makes sandwich, sandwich is delicious,
270
00:10:43,250 --> 00:10:46,218
boy breaks girl's heart,
girl makes new sandwich
271
00:10:46,219 --> 00:10:48,120
which tastes like ground-up pigeon beak.
272
00:10:48,121 --> 00:10:50,456
And I don't think I need to
tell you how this story ends.
273
00:10:50,457 --> 00:10:52,758
You actually do, sir.
274
00:10:52,759 --> 00:10:56,262
Boy fixes sandwich, Henry.
275
00:10:56,263 --> 00:11:00,599
Boy fixes sandwich.
276
00:11:00,600 --> 00:11:03,435
All I said was that I wasn't
interested in her romantically.
277
00:11:03,436 --> 00:11:05,537
It's not what you said.
It's how you said it.
278
00:11:05,538 --> 00:11:07,706
Come on! What? I'm willing to pay double
279
00:11:07,707 --> 00:11:10,309
if we can have the old,
toothsome sandwiches back.
280
00:11:10,310 --> 00:11:11,744
Our cooperative doesn't bend
281
00:11:11,745 --> 00:11:13,612
to the pressure of the almighty dollar.
282
00:11:13,613 --> 00:11:15,447
Fine.
283
00:11:15,448 --> 00:11:18,150
What if you tell me the ingredients
284
00:11:18,151 --> 00:11:20,586
so I can make the sandwich for him myself?
285
00:11:20,587 --> 00:11:22,154
Oh, and if I just gave you some brushes,
286
00:11:22,155 --> 00:11:23,489
could you paint the "Mona Lisa"?
287
00:11:23,490 --> 00:11:27,493
Uh... I think this is a little different.
288
00:11:27,494 --> 00:11:29,963
Out. [Scoffs]
289
00:11:31,631 --> 00:11:32,798
Come on.
290
00:11:32,799 --> 00:11:34,434
[Door opens]
291
00:11:37,304 --> 00:11:40,472
All I was trying to do was
be honest about my feelings.
292
00:11:40,473 --> 00:11:42,775
It's great that you can be so
honest about your feelings,
293
00:11:42,776 --> 00:11:45,110
even if it means hurting someone else's.
294
00:11:45,111 --> 00:11:46,445
Thank you.
295
00:11:46,446 --> 00:11:48,347
I meant that as a burn.
296
00:11:48,348 --> 00:11:50,215
Meant mine as a burn, too.
297
00:11:50,216 --> 00:11:52,552
"Thank you" was your burn?!
298
00:11:53,753 --> 00:11:56,121
Per Henry's instructions,
299
00:11:56,122 --> 00:11:58,424
I was trying to follow through
on my diaper-cream idea,
300
00:11:58,425 --> 00:12:01,895
which meant another late
night at the office.
301
00:12:03,863 --> 00:12:05,731
What are you still doing here?
302
00:12:05,732 --> 00:12:09,234
Okay. All my push notifications
are now diaper-face related.
303
00:12:09,235 --> 00:12:11,203
We're trending on Pinterest's
life hack board.
304
00:12:11,204 --> 00:12:13,539
And I was just re-tweeted by the
Gay Men's Chorus of Los Angeles.
305
00:12:13,540 --> 00:12:14,707
Aah! [Chuckles]
306
00:12:14,708 --> 00:12:16,842
Wow, look at you. [Chuckles]
307
00:12:16,843 --> 00:12:19,378
Working late. I've never seen
this side of you before.
308
00:12:19,379 --> 00:12:21,380
Hey, did you know there's
this guy that comes through
309
00:12:21,381 --> 00:12:23,716
and empties every trash
into one giant trash?
310
00:12:23,717 --> 00:12:26,118
He's like reverse Santa of garbage.
311
00:12:26,119 --> 00:12:27,686
Yes, he's the janitor.
312
00:12:27,687 --> 00:12:29,421
So, I shouldn't leave cookies for him?
313
00:12:29,422 --> 00:12:31,290
No, he sees cookies as more work. In fact,
314
00:12:31,291 --> 00:12:33,759
cookies are just something else
that he has to throw away.
315
00:12:33,760 --> 00:12:35,427
Well, I'm just gonna print off this report
316
00:12:35,428 --> 00:12:37,262
illustrating my progress for Saperstein
317
00:12:37,263 --> 00:12:40,232
and then race off to dinner
with Freddy's parents.
318
00:12:40,233 --> 00:12:43,469
Freddy asked you to meet his parents?
319
00:12:44,337 --> 00:12:46,472
Unless you think I should cancel.
320
00:12:46,473 --> 00:12:49,475
I don't want you to say I'm
not following through.
321
00:12:49,476 --> 00:12:52,211
As someone who has spent
far too many nights alone
322
00:12:52,212 --> 00:12:54,279
with the reverse garbage
Santa, I can tell you
323
00:12:54,280 --> 00:12:56,348
that following through on personal stuff
324
00:12:56,349 --> 00:12:58,684
is just as important.
325
00:12:58,685 --> 00:13:02,287
So, why are you still
here and not with Julia?
326
00:13:02,288 --> 00:13:05,624
Because Julia is a workaholic, like me.
327
00:13:05,625 --> 00:13:07,459
I guess that's why we're
perfect for each other
328
00:13:07,460 --> 00:13:08,660
and seldom together.
329
00:13:08,661 --> 00:13:09,762
[Chuckles]
330
00:13:09,763 --> 00:13:13,465
- Meeting the parents.
- [Sighs]
331
00:13:13,466 --> 00:13:15,234
Yeah. Wow. Things are getting "srs."
332
00:13:15,235 --> 00:13:17,302
- "Srsly."
- [Both chuckle]
333
00:13:17,303 --> 00:13:19,305
[Cellphone vibrates]
334
00:13:20,774 --> 00:13:24,974
Eliza, try to stay off the phone tonight.
335
00:13:25,178 --> 00:13:27,713
The only thing that should be
glowing at that table is you.
336
00:13:27,714 --> 00:13:29,214
[Chuckles] Glowing.
337
00:13:29,215 --> 00:13:30,249
[Chuckles]
338
00:13:30,250 --> 00:13:32,451
[Scoffs] I hope I'm dressed okay.
339
00:13:32,452 --> 00:13:35,187
I don't exactly have time
to go home and change.
340
00:13:35,188 --> 00:13:36,422
You want to borrow my coat?
341
00:13:36,423 --> 00:13:38,791
Hmm. Maybe.
342
00:13:41,261 --> 00:13:43,262
Here you go.
343
00:13:43,263 --> 00:13:46,566
Turn around. Right.
344
00:13:50,136 --> 00:13:51,971
Well? How do I look?
345
00:13:55,108 --> 00:13:56,442
Wow.
346
00:13:56,443 --> 00:13:58,444
Little bit of you, little bit of me.
347
00:13:58,445 --> 00:14:01,447
That seems to be the winning combination.
348
00:14:01,448 --> 00:14:03,583
[Chuckles]
349
00:14:07,187 --> 00:14:10,823
As I drove to meet Freddy and his parents,
350
00:14:10,824 --> 00:14:13,192
I thought about what Henry had said.
351
00:14:13,193 --> 00:14:16,062
[Indistinct conversations]
352
00:14:17,430 --> 00:14:21,467
Some moments are worth
putting your phone down for.
353
00:14:23,169 --> 00:14:26,638
But more and more, we forget to.
354
00:14:26,639 --> 00:14:30,108
Hi. Um, I'm joining them.
355
00:14:30,109 --> 00:14:31,777
Thank you.
356
00:14:31,778 --> 00:14:33,579
[Indistinct conversations]
357
00:14:34,714 --> 00:14:36,215
It was starting to feel like
358
00:14:36,216 --> 00:14:39,084
the world was divided into
two groups of people...
359
00:14:39,085 --> 00:14:43,222
those on their phones and
those not on their phones.
360
00:14:43,223 --> 00:14:47,226
But suddenly, it was like
the blue haze had lifted.
361
00:14:47,227 --> 00:14:48,393
Hi!
362
00:14:48,394 --> 00:14:50,229
- Oh, hey. Eliza.
- Hi! Oh, hi.
363
00:14:50,230 --> 00:14:52,397
Wow, she is even more
beautiful than on Instagram.
364
00:14:52,398 --> 00:14:53,665
Oh. [Laughter]
365
00:14:53,666 --> 00:14:55,167
We started following you a few weeks ago
366
00:14:55,168 --> 00:14:56,768
when Freddy tagged you in one of his pics.
367
00:14:56,769 --> 00:14:58,136
Ah!
368
00:14:58,137 --> 00:15:00,372
- #stalkers.
- #guilty.
369
00:15:00,373 --> 00:15:02,841
Okay, Eliza, this incredibly
Internet-savvy couple
370
00:15:02,842 --> 00:15:05,577
happens to be my parents...
this is Brandon and Maisy.
371
00:15:05,578 --> 00:15:07,746
Hi. Brandon and... and Maisy?
372
00:15:07,747 --> 00:15:11,283
Uh, you do realize your
couple name is Mais-'n-bran.
373
00:15:11,284 --> 00:15:12,618
Oh, my God. That is fantastic.
374
00:15:12,619 --> 00:15:14,286
- I love it.
- I love it!
375
00:15:14,287 --> 00:15:16,088
Huh? I mean, no wonder
you're together, right?
376
00:15:16,089 --> 00:15:17,623
What's our couple name?
377
00:15:17,624 --> 00:15:21,093
Um, uh, fry... Za. Fryza.
378
00:15:21,094 --> 00:15:22,261
Fryza?
379
00:15:22,262 --> 00:15:24,096
Yeah. Yeah.
380
00:15:24,097 --> 00:15:26,598
F-fryza. [Chuckles] Yeah, fryza.
381
00:15:26,599 --> 00:15:29,101
Brandon: Sure.
382
00:15:29,102 --> 00:15:30,602
It wasn't just that our couple name
383
00:15:30,603 --> 00:15:32,437
sounded like a German curse word.
384
00:15:32,438 --> 00:15:35,407
It was the fact that 90% of
the time I spent with Freddy,
385
00:15:35,408 --> 00:15:36,742
we were either doing this...
386
00:15:36,743 --> 00:15:38,076
♪ Mi mi mi mi mi mi mi ♪
387
00:15:38,077 --> 00:15:40,279
♪ mi mi mi, only mi mi ♪
388
00:15:40,280 --> 00:15:42,080
♪ mi mi mi mi mi mi mi ♪
389
00:15:42,081 --> 00:15:44,349
- ...or this... - ♪ mi mi mi, sexy me,
mi mi mi mi mi mi mi ♪
390
00:15:44,350 --> 00:15:47,684
- ...which prevented me from ever fully
understanding - ♪ mi mi mi, only mi mi ♪
391
00:15:47,685 --> 00:15:49,217
- That Freddy's laugh sounds like this...
- ♪ mi mi mi ♪
392
00:15:49,218 --> 00:15:51,790
[Stifled laughing]
393
00:15:51,791 --> 00:15:53,258
[Snorts]
394
00:15:53,259 --> 00:15:56,295
...and that he eats his bread like this.
395
00:15:57,430 --> 00:15:58,630
Mm! Are we ready to order?
396
00:15:58,631 --> 00:16:00,766
Madame?
397
00:16:00,767 --> 00:16:03,268
Oh, uh... I'm not sure what I want.
398
00:16:03,269 --> 00:16:04,603
[Sighs]
399
00:16:04,604 --> 00:16:06,605
Can you come back to me?
400
00:16:06,606 --> 00:16:08,407
- Honey?
- Um, I'm gonna do the salmon.
401
00:16:08,408 --> 00:16:09,741
Oh, yeah. Salmon, please.
402
00:16:09,742 --> 00:16:12,110
Make it three. Salmon sounds great.
403
00:16:12,111 --> 00:16:14,511
You won't be disappointed.
That's what we're famous for.
404
00:16:15,481 --> 00:16:19,117
I don't know why I'm having so much trouble
405
00:16:19,118 --> 00:16:22,621
committing to something
that sounds so... great.
406
00:16:22,622 --> 00:16:25,123
Do some people not like the salmon?
407
00:16:25,124 --> 00:16:27,292
Oh, no. Everyone loves the salmon.
408
00:16:27,293 --> 00:16:29,127
And, in theory, I should, too.
409
00:16:29,128 --> 00:16:31,163
It's just that I've had a
lot of salmon recently.
410
00:16:31,164 --> 00:16:33,365
And I kind of feel like I've gotten
all I can get out of salmon,
411
00:16:33,366 --> 00:16:36,635
and I may just have lost my taste for...
412
00:16:36,636 --> 00:16:38,303
Salmon entirely.
413
00:16:38,304 --> 00:16:39,471
[Gulps]
414
00:16:39,472 --> 00:16:41,807
I mean, look. There are
other fish in the sea.
415
00:16:41,808 --> 00:16:44,843
I mean, if salmon doesn't feel right,
416
00:16:44,844 --> 00:16:46,845
then you probably shouldn't force it.
417
00:16:46,846 --> 00:16:49,514
It was one of the best pieces of advice
418
00:16:49,515 --> 00:16:51,283
a waiter had ever given me.
419
00:16:51,284 --> 00:16:53,452
Liza? You okay?
420
00:16:55,855 --> 00:16:58,123
Mais-'n-bran, I'm really sorry.
421
00:16:58,124 --> 00:17:00,859
Uh, your son is smoking hot,
422
00:17:00,860 --> 00:17:04,530
and we have obscene sexual chemistry.
We're just not...
423
00:17:07,100 --> 00:17:09,101
We're not a winning combination.
424
00:17:09,102 --> 00:17:12,839
A-are you dumping me?
425
00:17:14,140 --> 00:17:17,075
I'm really sorry.
426
00:17:17,076 --> 00:17:18,845
Eliza...
427
00:17:20,513 --> 00:17:22,147
Eliza!
428
00:17:22,148 --> 00:17:23,850
[Footsteps departing]
429
00:17:26,252 --> 00:17:28,454
So, just three salmons, then?
430
00:17:29,924 --> 00:17:32,724
Of all the people to die, why Claire Danes?
431
00:17:32,725 --> 00:17:35,227
- Prue! Prue, you can't do that!
- I also read it.
432
00:17:35,228 --> 00:17:37,362
I just always picture Beth as Claire Danes.
433
00:17:37,363 --> 00:17:38,397
[Sighs]
434
00:17:38,398 --> 00:17:40,198
I think it's great that Beth died.
435
00:17:40,199 --> 00:17:42,567
I'm actually super happy for Beth.
436
00:17:42,568 --> 00:17:44,302
I mean, dying from scarlet fever
437
00:17:44,303 --> 00:17:48,140
sounds better than being ignored
on match.com every night.
438
00:17:48,141 --> 00:17:50,075
[Knock on door]
439
00:17:50,076 --> 00:17:52,278
[Sighs]
440
00:17:56,349 --> 00:17:58,517
Too late for one more?
441
00:17:58,518 --> 00:17:59,719
[Clears throat]
442
00:18:00,820 --> 00:18:02,487
[Door closes]
443
00:18:02,488 --> 00:18:06,224
I'm sure you don't still want me
to join your book club, Wren,
444
00:18:06,225 --> 00:18:09,795
but, um... I re-read my thesis,
445
00:18:09,796 --> 00:18:11,396
and it is hogwash.
446
00:18:11,397 --> 00:18:15,267
Jo and Laurie are meant to be friends,
447
00:18:15,268 --> 00:18:17,569
and Laurie is seeing someone else.
448
00:18:17,570 --> 00:18:20,172
You see, Wren? Laurie doesn't hate Jo.
449
00:18:20,173 --> 00:18:22,074
Laurie is just in a relationship.
450
00:18:22,075 --> 00:18:26,111
And make no mistake, Laurie is
not physically attracted to Jo.
451
00:18:26,112 --> 00:18:30,082
But Laurie certainly did
not need to just say that.
452
00:18:30,083 --> 00:18:31,116
Agreed.
453
00:18:31,117 --> 00:18:33,419
Laurie still has some work left to do.
454
00:18:34,253 --> 00:18:36,088
I'm sorry, Wren.
455
00:18:36,089 --> 00:18:38,090
And not just in a self-serving,
456
00:18:38,091 --> 00:18:39,791
I-want-your-sandwich kind of way.
457
00:18:39,792 --> 00:18:42,495
I didn't mean to hurt your feelings.
I really didn't.
458
00:18:47,500 --> 00:18:50,669
Apology accepted.
459
00:18:50,670 --> 00:18:52,772
Thank you.
460
00:18:54,807 --> 00:18:57,275
[Sighs] Oh, and, uh...
461
00:18:57,276 --> 00:18:59,611
One more thing. Bryn?
462
00:18:59,612 --> 00:19:01,346
Yeah?
463
00:19:01,347 --> 00:19:04,182
For someone with such a large welcome mat,
464
00:19:04,183 --> 00:19:07,519
you aren't very welcoming.
465
00:19:07,520 --> 00:19:09,254
Burn returned, my dear.
466
00:19:09,255 --> 00:19:12,391
That's your burn?
467
00:19:13,493 --> 00:19:16,461
How long did it take you
to come up with that?
468
00:19:16,462 --> 00:19:18,463
With my phone off for almost...
469
00:19:18,464 --> 00:19:20,799
I don't know how long
because my phone was off...
470
00:19:20,800 --> 00:19:24,169
it was just me and this one
thought that I couldn't shake.
471
00:19:24,170 --> 00:19:26,638
The only person who I wasn't hiding from,
472
00:19:26,639 --> 00:19:30,839
the only person who had ever
seen me with no #filter was...
473
00:19:31,144 --> 00:19:32,144
[Elevator bell dings]
474
00:19:32,145 --> 00:19:35,313
[Chuckles]
475
00:19:35,314 --> 00:19:37,182
- Henry.
- Hey.
476
00:19:37,183 --> 00:19:38,784
How did it go with Freddy?
477
00:19:38,785 --> 00:19:42,985
It went exactly... like it was supposed to.
478
00:19:43,790 --> 00:19:45,925
Oh, good.
479
00:19:47,560 --> 00:19:50,762
Glad to hear it. Have a great night.
480
00:19:50,763 --> 00:19:52,230
[Button clicks]
481
00:19:52,231 --> 00:19:53,732
[Elevator bell dings]
482
00:19:53,733 --> 00:19:56,469
Henry. Wait.
483
00:19:59,639 --> 00:20:01,807
I want to give you your jacket back.
484
00:20:01,808 --> 00:20:05,177
You can just give it to me tomorrow.
485
00:20:05,178 --> 00:20:06,178
[Button clicks]
486
00:20:06,179 --> 00:20:07,513
[Elevator bell dings]
487
00:20:08,114 --> 00:20:09,781
No.
488
00:20:09,782 --> 00:20:13,852
I really want to give it to you tonight.
489
00:20:13,853 --> 00:20:16,422
[The Diamonds' "The Stroll" plays]
490
00:20:23,262 --> 00:20:25,730
♪ Come, let's stroll ♪
491
00:20:25,731 --> 00:20:29,602
♪ stroll across the floor ♪
492
00:20:33,372 --> 00:20:36,341
- You sure you want to head home right now?
- ♪ come, let's stroll ♪
493
00:20:36,342 --> 00:20:38,677
♪ stroll across the floor ♪
494
00:20:38,678 --> 00:20:40,712
No, I'm not.
495
00:20:40,713 --> 00:20:44,382
♪ Now turn around, baby ♪
496
00:20:44,383 --> 00:20:46,218
I have to go feed my cat.
497
00:20:46,219 --> 00:20:47,619
♪ Let's stroll once more ♪
498
00:20:47,620 --> 00:20:49,955
You don't have a cat.
499
00:20:52,124 --> 00:20:56,161
- I have to go purchase a cat and then
feed it generously. - ♪ feel so good ♪
500
00:20:56,162 --> 00:20:57,529
♪ take me by my hand ♪
501
00:20:57,530 --> 00:20:59,831
[Button clicking]
502
00:20:59,832 --> 00:21:02,267
I don't understand what the
point of this button is!
503
00:21:02,268 --> 00:21:05,804
- [Elevator bell dings]
- ♪ I feel so good ♪
504
00:21:05,805 --> 00:21:08,273
♪ take me by my hand ♪
505
00:21:08,274 --> 00:21:10,508
[Exhales sharply]
506
00:21:10,509 --> 00:21:12,544
I wasn't discouraged.
507
00:21:12,545 --> 00:21:14,546
Henry had taught me to follow
through on my good ideas,
508
00:21:14,547 --> 00:21:17,682
and this one was even
better than the Blorkel.
509
00:21:17,683 --> 00:21:20,418
Henry and I were going to be together...
510
00:21:20,419 --> 00:21:23,322
Or else.
511
00:21:24,413 --> 00:21:28,797
- The End -
37062
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