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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:33,617 --> 00:00:36,119 NATALIE: Are you sure you don't wanna go to my room? JIM: No. Why? 2 00:00:36,203 --> 00:00:38,913 JIM: My roommate's already moved out. We'll be all alone. 3 00:00:38,997 --> 00:00:40,456 All right. The door is locked. 4 00:00:40,541 --> 00:00:42,583 Okay, Jim, relax. Relax. Okay, yeah, sure. 5 00:00:42,668 --> 00:00:45,461 NATALIE: No strings attached, okay? It's just friendly good-bye sex. 6 00:00:45,963 --> 00:00:48,423 JIM: Yeah, right. Right, right, right, right. 7 00:00:48,507 --> 00:00:51,801 Uh, yeah, but you see, it's just that, um, 8 00:00:51,969 --> 00:00:54,846 we've never even had friendly hello sex. 9 00:00:54,972 --> 00:00:58,725 So do you not wanna do this? Oh, no, no, no, no, no. 10 00:00:58,809 --> 00:01:02,437 Oh, I do. Yeah. No, I definitely do. 11 00:01:02,938 --> 00:01:05,064 Uh, it's just that, 12 00:01:05,149 --> 00:01:07,483 you see, this is actually my first time. 13 00:01:08,026 --> 00:01:10,403 Well, not my first. It's my first time, 14 00:01:10,487 --> 00:01:14,198 uh, since my first time. 15 00:01:14,491 --> 00:01:16,576 So, technically, that's my second time. 16 00:01:16,660 --> 00:01:19,746 And I... I don't... I don't wanna suck at it. 17 00:01:19,830 --> 00:01:22,165 So if I'm not up to par, performance-wise... 18 00:01:22,833 --> 00:01:26,043 Jim, this isn't exactly a turn-on. 19 00:01:26,420 --> 00:01:29,046 I mean, girls like a guy with confidence. 20 00:01:30,257 --> 00:01:31,632 Hey, I'm confident. 21 00:01:31,717 --> 00:01:35,803 Oh, I am... I'm absolutely, totally confident. 22 00:01:36,180 --> 00:01:37,346 Oh? Yeah. 23 00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:39,348 Let's get naked. Okay. 24 00:01:42,060 --> 00:01:45,646 Seems like just yesterday my dad picked me up after my first year at college. 25 00:01:45,773 --> 00:01:48,608 Mmm-hmm. We popped a couple of beers, 26 00:01:48,692 --> 00:01:50,860 and he said, "Now, you're a man." 27 00:01:51,361 --> 00:01:53,696 And today I get to say the same thing to my son. 28 00:01:53,864 --> 00:01:55,823 Honey, your speeches embarrass him. 29 00:01:55,991 --> 00:01:59,035 So, try and do what the kids say, and just be cool. 30 00:01:59,745 --> 00:02:02,872 I think I bring new meaning to the word "cool," honey. 31 00:02:02,956 --> 00:02:04,624 That's his dormitory up ahead. 32 00:02:20,140 --> 00:02:22,225 Turn over. Okay. 33 00:02:23,560 --> 00:02:25,978 Ow. (GROANS) 34 00:02:29,566 --> 00:02:31,859 Can't bring alcohol in the dorms. Oh, uh, good. 35 00:02:32,027 --> 00:02:36,072 Thank you, uh, Matt. I'm just here to surprise my son Jim. 36 00:02:36,406 --> 00:02:38,658 What? Now pin my leg up. 37 00:02:38,742 --> 00:02:40,910 Pin my leg up, like this. 38 00:02:41,078 --> 00:02:44,330 Uh-huh. Oh, yeah. 39 00:02:44,456 --> 00:02:47,458 Maybe you can help me out, you know. 40 00:02:47,751 --> 00:02:50,294 Okay. 41 00:02:50,420 --> 00:02:53,422 Is that the one? No. There! 42 00:02:53,757 --> 00:02:56,384 Oh, yeah, yeah! Oh, oh, oh, okay! 43 00:02:56,468 --> 00:02:58,970 (SHUDDERS) Now I remember. 44 00:03:01,098 --> 00:03:03,307 I didn't do this for you. 45 00:03:03,475 --> 00:03:05,560 Thanks, dude. 46 00:03:06,937 --> 00:03:09,105 NOAH: Where's my big guy? Oh, my God! 47 00:03:09,231 --> 00:03:10,773 Oh, no. Hey... (SCREAMS) 48 00:03:12,985 --> 00:03:16,571 Jesus! Jim, we got here a little early. 49 00:03:16,738 --> 00:03:18,865 Dad, get out! I'll wait in the car. 50 00:03:18,949 --> 00:03:22,660 Go, Dad! Oh, my... Geez. 51 00:03:22,744 --> 00:03:23,786 Was that your dad? Yeah. 52 00:03:23,871 --> 00:03:25,872 I'm so sorry. For your own edification, 53 00:03:25,956 --> 00:03:27,665 son, I just... I'm not embarrassed. 54 00:03:27,749 --> 00:03:28,875 I am! 55 00:03:28,959 --> 00:03:31,836 It's a perfectly normal thing for two human beings... 56 00:03:31,962 --> 00:03:35,256 Dad, what are you doing? This is human nature. Human nature at its best. 57 00:03:35,340 --> 00:03:39,343 Son, everybody does it. Your mother and I... Well, not so much anymore. 58 00:03:39,428 --> 00:03:41,637 Got your favorite. Oh, my God! They're fucking! 59 00:03:41,805 --> 00:03:44,223 No! No! Honey, honey, listen. No, no. 60 00:03:44,308 --> 00:03:45,808 I'm gonna take her to the car. 61 00:03:45,934 --> 00:03:47,977 Please just go! Actually, if you wouldn't mind. 62 00:03:48,061 --> 00:03:50,271 Honey... I'll take her to the car. 63 00:03:50,355 --> 00:03:52,315 (GASPS) (GASPS) 64 00:03:52,608 --> 00:03:54,191 Hi, Mama. What? 65 00:03:54,318 --> 00:03:55,443 Natalie! 66 00:03:55,527 --> 00:03:56,819 I'm Jim's dad. 67 00:03:57,237 --> 00:03:59,113 You must be the parents of this young lady. 68 00:03:59,197 --> 00:04:02,408 I'm sorry I didn't get her name, but hopefully my son did, 69 00:04:02,534 --> 00:04:04,160 because I have not been here the whole time. 70 00:04:04,244 --> 00:04:06,370 MAN: Natalie, get dressed! 71 00:04:06,496 --> 00:04:09,457 Beer? MAN: Avert your eyes! Turn around! 72 00:04:09,666 --> 00:04:11,417 NATALIE: Thanks, Jim. You don't believe in locks? Oh, my God. 73 00:04:31,730 --> 00:04:32,939 Heya, fuckface. 74 00:04:33,023 --> 00:04:36,901 Mornin', dude. Come on, Ozzy. It's show time. 75 00:04:39,655 --> 00:04:42,531 Ozzy, before you go to Ann Arbor to pick up Heather, 76 00:04:42,616 --> 00:04:44,200 I wanna show you what you're missing. 77 00:04:46,036 --> 00:04:48,663 See what they are today, dude. See what they are today. 78 00:04:49,206 --> 00:04:50,873 Okay, here we go. Moment of truth. 79 00:04:53,627 --> 00:04:55,086 Ooh! 80 00:04:55,629 --> 00:04:58,005 There's little hearts on her panties! Super. 81 00:04:58,090 --> 00:05:00,883 There's little hearts on her panties! Come on, look, you pussy. Look. 82 00:05:00,968 --> 00:05:03,219 What the fuck, man? Come on! 83 00:05:03,512 --> 00:05:08,057 I'm disappointed in you. Here it is, the end of our freshman year and you screwed one girl. 84 00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:09,976 One. (CHUCKLES) 85 00:05:10,102 --> 00:05:11,894 You're a disgrace to men everywhere. 86 00:05:12,187 --> 00:05:15,231 Look at the Stifmeister. I got laid 23 times this year, 87 00:05:15,399 --> 00:05:18,567 and I'm not counting the hummer I got in the library stacks, baby. 88 00:05:18,694 --> 00:05:21,320 All right, here's a new idea for you, Stifler, okay? 89 00:05:21,446 --> 00:05:24,281 You find a girl. You two become best friends. 90 00:05:24,366 --> 00:05:26,701 You don't bother counting how many times you have sex with each other. 91 00:05:26,827 --> 00:05:30,454 You just laugh at the people that do count. Here's a new idea for you. 92 00:05:30,539 --> 00:05:32,999 I'll get you a spoon so you can eat my ass. 93 00:05:33,083 --> 00:05:36,085 Okay, people. Notebooks closed. Let's get this exam rolling. 94 00:05:37,921 --> 00:05:40,506 Holy shit, dude. We got an exam today? 95 00:05:41,091 --> 00:05:42,091 You kiddin' me? 96 00:05:42,634 --> 00:05:44,385 Bullshit. (SCOFFS) 97 00:05:48,306 --> 00:05:52,059 Yes! I'm never even gonna think about political science again. 98 00:05:52,144 --> 00:05:54,020 Hey. How'd you do? 99 00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:56,272 Oh, fine. Yeah? 100 00:05:56,356 --> 00:05:58,524 I can't believe I'm doing this summer abroad thing. 101 00:05:58,608 --> 00:06:00,067 Last thing I need is more classes. 102 00:06:00,152 --> 00:06:03,446 You're gonna have a great time. KEVIN: Hello, summer! 103 00:06:04,239 --> 00:06:07,158 Did that exam blow or what? Yeah, it sucked. 104 00:06:07,284 --> 00:06:09,368 Ozzy! Kev, what's up, man? How are you? 105 00:06:09,536 --> 00:06:12,121 Good. Put your party hat on. 106 00:06:12,289 --> 00:06:14,790 We got 12 weeks of immortality ahead. Yes, sir! 107 00:06:23,800 --> 00:06:26,469 Weird. 108 00:06:41,818 --> 00:06:44,487 Ah, the one that got away, huh, son? 109 00:06:47,741 --> 00:06:49,825 Yeah. Yeah. 110 00:06:51,787 --> 00:06:56,665 Well, evidently you two made quite the handsome couple on the Internet. 111 00:06:59,544 --> 00:07:01,087 Oh, I didn't see it. 112 00:07:01,171 --> 00:07:04,507 It, uh, was brought up at a P.T.A. Meeting. 113 00:07:05,133 --> 00:07:07,551 Anyway, my point is, 114 00:07:07,636 --> 00:07:12,431 these little sexual debacles should not get you down, because you know what? 115 00:07:12,599 --> 00:07:15,309 It happens to the best of us. In fact, 116 00:07:16,520 --> 00:07:20,272 the first time your mother and I got together, 117 00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:22,441 (GROANS) I used a condom. 118 00:07:23,235 --> 00:07:26,612 Well, she referred to it as "shrink wrapping." 119 00:07:26,696 --> 00:07:28,823 (CHUCKLES) 120 00:07:29,324 --> 00:07:30,866 But I got over it. 121 00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:33,369 Anyway, keep your chin up. You keep plugging 122 00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:35,871 and, uh, good things will happen. 123 00:07:36,665 --> 00:07:38,499 Good to have you home, son. 124 00:07:42,337 --> 00:07:44,839 It's good to be home, Dad. 125 00:07:45,090 --> 00:07:47,883 KEVIN: It's gonna be nice to hit Stifler's tonight after exams. 126 00:07:47,968 --> 00:07:49,635 Did you get through 'em? God, what a bitch, huh? 127 00:07:49,719 --> 00:07:51,262 There's the mystery man! 128 00:07:51,346 --> 00:07:53,389 KEVIN: Finch, how are you? Kevin. Konichiwa. 129 00:07:53,723 --> 00:07:57,643 James. Konichiwa. Konichiwa. 130 00:07:59,729 --> 00:08:01,063 It's Japanese. 131 00:08:01,148 --> 00:08:04,275 It means "hello." Hello. 132 00:08:04,734 --> 00:08:06,318 Finch, what happened to Latin? 133 00:08:06,403 --> 00:08:09,155 I met a Japanese girl at the art museum. 134 00:08:09,281 --> 00:08:13,367 Changed majors. Wanted to understand all those things she was moaning. 135 00:08:13,493 --> 00:08:16,203 You got laid in an art museum? The Met. 136 00:08:16,371 --> 00:08:19,832 Oh, and the Guggenheim with Francesca. The Guggenheim? 137 00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:22,877 And then my social-psych professor in Baskin-Robbins. 138 00:08:23,044 --> 00:08:26,881 All right, enough, Finch. But I'll tell you, none of these women 139 00:08:26,965 --> 00:08:28,591 even compare to... 140 00:08:28,675 --> 00:08:31,468 ALL: Stifler's mom. 141 00:08:31,845 --> 00:08:33,596 Stifler's mom is a goddess. 142 00:08:38,685 --> 00:08:41,604 How about some more of Stifmeister's collegiate concoction? 143 00:08:41,688 --> 00:08:45,524 This thing is like half alcohol. You're just trying to get me drunk. 144 00:08:45,609 --> 00:08:48,903 (CHUCKLES) Mary, would I do that? 145 00:08:49,029 --> 00:08:53,490 My name's Christy. Christy, right, right. Beautiful name. 146 00:08:53,658 --> 00:08:57,203 Like it matters. Hey, how you doing? Hey. 147 00:08:57,287 --> 00:08:59,496 Party-hearty, fuckin' partners! 148 00:08:59,581 --> 00:09:02,041 Johnny C., how's it going? Good to see you. 149 00:09:02,125 --> 00:09:05,169 Oh, looks like someone gained a freshman 15. This'll help. 150 00:09:05,253 --> 00:09:06,337 (DOORBELL RINGS) 151 00:09:06,421 --> 00:09:08,881 You're an asshole. Missed you too. 152 00:09:08,965 --> 00:09:12,384 All right, everybody having a good time? Ladies. 153 00:09:13,762 --> 00:09:16,055 Fellas! How's it going? 154 00:09:16,139 --> 00:09:18,724 The keg's back there as always. Enjoy. 155 00:09:18,808 --> 00:09:23,979 Ladies, I'm Steve Stifler, and I have an 11 -inch penis 156 00:09:24,272 --> 00:09:26,232 around! 157 00:09:26,316 --> 00:09:29,485 Think about it. Sherman! 158 00:09:29,653 --> 00:09:32,655 Okay, Stifler, take your shot. Ha, ha. 159 00:09:32,822 --> 00:09:35,991 Come on, man. I'm really happy to see you. 160 00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:39,995 All right. You stupid fuck. 161 00:09:40,914 --> 00:09:43,207 Hey. Hey, are you Steve Stifler? 162 00:09:43,500 --> 00:09:44,500 Yes, I am. 163 00:09:44,584 --> 00:09:47,127 Well, thank you for throwing this awesome party, man. 164 00:09:47,212 --> 00:09:48,212 No problem. 165 00:09:48,296 --> 00:09:50,047 Yeah, the cops bust all our parties now. 166 00:09:50,674 --> 00:09:52,424 Well, I put the word out 167 00:09:52,509 --> 00:09:54,343 so high-school chicks would come. 168 00:09:54,427 --> 00:09:55,928 Just 'cause you fuckers don't have dicks 169 00:09:56,012 --> 00:09:58,222 doesn't make it right for you to be here, you know. 170 00:10:00,267 --> 00:10:02,101 Uh, hey, man, could I ask you a question? 171 00:10:02,185 --> 00:10:03,185 Sure, son. 172 00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:06,397 Is it true that Paul Finch nailed your mom? 173 00:10:08,817 --> 00:10:10,442 Sons of bitches. 174 00:10:11,695 --> 00:10:13,195 My mom's a saint! 175 00:10:14,030 --> 00:10:15,614 Go suck some dick! 176 00:10:17,158 --> 00:10:21,328 Hey, Carlos, Jason. What's going on? Keg's back on the deck. 177 00:10:22,414 --> 00:10:24,248 Hey, how's lowa State? 178 00:10:24,332 --> 00:10:26,792 Did you see those fuckers I had to boot outta here? 179 00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:28,544 Yup. 180 00:10:28,670 --> 00:10:32,548 Back at Stifler's. It's just like old times. One difference. 181 00:10:32,632 --> 00:10:35,009 We're college men now. 182 00:10:35,093 --> 00:10:37,594 Some of these girls are from the grade below us. 183 00:10:37,804 --> 00:10:39,847 I might actually have a chance. 184 00:10:40,098 --> 00:10:42,224 Hey, I remember you. 185 00:10:44,394 --> 00:10:45,686 Oh, do you now? 186 00:10:45,770 --> 00:10:48,355 You're that guy who blew his load on the Internet. 187 00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:50,024 (BOTH LAUGHING) 188 00:10:50,191 --> 00:10:53,319 Splat. "Oh, wait, Nadia, don't go." Splat. 189 00:10:54,946 --> 00:10:56,572 Pathetic. Loser. 190 00:10:56,740 --> 00:10:59,158 It's exactly like old times. 191 00:10:59,909 --> 00:11:01,952 WOMAN ON PA: Flight 4717, final call. 192 00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:04,997 I'm gonna miss you. I'll miss you. 193 00:11:06,833 --> 00:11:08,834 I'll call you when I get in, okay? 194 00:11:09,002 --> 00:11:11,253 Go have fun. Okay. 195 00:11:11,421 --> 00:11:13,839 Bye. Bye-bye. 196 00:11:25,310 --> 00:11:27,394 JIM: I can't believe those two girls, Kevin. 197 00:11:27,479 --> 00:11:29,521 KEVIN: Jim, it's not a big deal. No. Yeah. 198 00:11:29,606 --> 00:11:32,274 They toyed with my emotions. 199 00:11:33,109 --> 00:11:35,194 Hello. Hello. See? There's other girls. 200 00:11:35,320 --> 00:11:39,198 How are ya? You got nothing to worry about, man. 201 00:11:39,366 --> 00:11:41,325 Hey, Jessica's here. 202 00:11:42,452 --> 00:11:43,952 With Vicky. 203 00:11:44,621 --> 00:11:48,832 And Vicky got hot! 204 00:11:48,917 --> 00:11:51,377 What's that supposed to mean? 205 00:11:51,461 --> 00:11:52,836 Look at her. 206 00:11:52,921 --> 00:11:56,465 Yeah, Jim, I see her. Hey, Kevin. 207 00:11:57,550 --> 00:11:58,967 I'll be right back. 208 00:12:02,180 --> 00:12:04,807 Hey, Vic, how are you? What's up? 209 00:12:04,891 --> 00:12:06,767 I'm okay. Yeah, I'm good. 210 00:12:06,893 --> 00:12:10,229 That's good. It's good to hear. Yeah, you too. 211 00:12:11,606 --> 00:12:12,689 Wow. 212 00:12:13,191 --> 00:12:16,235 Well, this is about as comfortable as a high colonic in Tijuana. 213 00:12:16,319 --> 00:12:19,154 And I would know. Okay. 214 00:12:19,406 --> 00:12:22,408 I'm gonna get a drink. She's right. 215 00:12:22,492 --> 00:12:25,786 Why is this so weird? Actually, I... I have no idea. 216 00:12:25,870 --> 00:12:29,081 See, I knew it. I knew you'd be mature about this. 217 00:12:29,165 --> 00:12:32,376 You know, and we could still be friends, right? Yeah. 218 00:12:32,710 --> 00:12:35,254 I miss you, Kev. 219 00:12:37,924 --> 00:12:39,091 Whoa. 220 00:12:40,844 --> 00:12:43,137 Friends, right? 221 00:12:43,221 --> 00:12:47,724 Yeah, right. I mean, I know you said friends and I... I just... 222 00:12:48,518 --> 00:12:51,437 I'm sorry. I was... It was just... 223 00:12:51,938 --> 00:12:54,398 An old habit. I mean, a friend kiss. 224 00:12:54,524 --> 00:12:58,861 Are you sure? Vic, why wouldn't I wanna be friends with you? 225 00:12:58,945 --> 00:13:02,531 Look, we'll... We'll just do this, okay? 226 00:13:03,283 --> 00:13:05,451 Friends. Friends. 227 00:13:08,913 --> 00:13:11,540 Ozzy! My man! There he is. 228 00:13:11,624 --> 00:13:14,626 Shake off your chains of monogamy. You're a free man. 229 00:13:14,711 --> 00:13:18,046 I don't think so, Stifler. You know I'll never turn over to the dark side. 230 00:13:18,131 --> 00:13:21,550 Dumbass. What happened to the 'Nova I knew in high school? 231 00:13:21,634 --> 00:13:24,511 'Nova, as in Casanova? The guy who had all the moves? 232 00:13:24,596 --> 00:13:25,846 Yeah, he was an idiot. 233 00:13:25,930 --> 00:13:27,890 Yeah, but he was my idiot. 234 00:13:28,475 --> 00:13:30,184 Hey, everyone! Listen up! 235 00:13:31,060 --> 00:13:33,061 'Nova's back, baby! 236 00:13:33,146 --> 00:13:35,731 And he's taking the locks off his cock! 237 00:13:38,193 --> 00:13:41,069 Ozzy, I'm lobbing you a softball here. 238 00:13:41,154 --> 00:13:42,946 Pull out your bat and take a swing. 239 00:13:43,031 --> 00:13:44,406 Mandy. 240 00:13:45,408 --> 00:13:47,117 This is my friend Oz. 241 00:13:47,202 --> 00:13:49,411 All-state lacrosse two years in a row. 242 00:13:49,746 --> 00:13:52,080 Hey, Oz. Hi, Mandy. How are you? 243 00:13:52,540 --> 00:13:55,167 Listen, I have a girlfriend. 244 00:13:56,002 --> 00:13:57,503 It was a pleasure meeting you. 245 00:13:58,421 --> 00:13:59,588 Beer out back. 246 00:14:01,758 --> 00:14:03,091 You pussy! 247 00:14:14,354 --> 00:14:16,772 Stifler's mom's room. 248 00:14:31,913 --> 00:14:34,414 How did you do that magic you did? 249 00:14:52,934 --> 00:14:54,226 Tantra. 250 00:14:59,482 --> 00:15:01,733 What the fuck are you doin' in here? 251 00:15:01,818 --> 00:15:02,901 Just relax. 252 00:15:02,986 --> 00:15:04,653 You get out of my house! 253 00:15:04,779 --> 00:15:06,863 Jesus Christ! Come back here, you little fucker! 254 00:15:06,990 --> 00:15:09,283 Come back here, you son of a bitch! Take it easy. 255 00:15:09,409 --> 00:15:12,661 Whoa! Hey! Hey! Easy! Easy! That's enough. 256 00:15:12,745 --> 00:15:15,872 Okay, guys, we went through this last summer, all right? 257 00:15:15,957 --> 00:15:19,334 Finch got a black eye and Stifler got six stitches. 'Cause you fuckin' bit me! 258 00:15:19,627 --> 00:15:20,836 You touch me, I bite. 259 00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:22,629 You two relax and shake hands. 260 00:15:22,714 --> 00:15:25,382 Shake this! Hey. 261 00:15:27,176 --> 00:15:29,678 Finch. I need a drink. 262 00:15:29,762 --> 00:15:32,639 Why is everybody taking a piss right now? 263 00:15:32,765 --> 00:15:36,310 The line's too long. I ain't gonna make it, man. You'll be okay. Relax. 264 00:15:36,811 --> 00:15:40,063 Hey, bro. Hey, man, you're the guy who boned Stifler's mom. 265 00:15:40,148 --> 00:15:43,317 Hey, you are a god. Holy shit, dude. 266 00:15:43,401 --> 00:15:45,402 If I didn't have to hold my dick 'cause I gotta piss so bad, 267 00:15:45,486 --> 00:15:47,029 I would shake your hand. 268 00:15:47,113 --> 00:15:49,573 I'm honored, guys. Don't leave. 269 00:15:49,657 --> 00:15:53,327 You must teach me. How? How? 270 00:15:54,037 --> 00:15:57,372 STEVE: Oh, look what I found, Christy. 271 00:15:58,082 --> 00:16:00,667 Oh, what a coincidence. 272 00:16:03,963 --> 00:16:07,132 I've been saving this for a special occasion, 273 00:16:07,216 --> 00:16:10,385 for a special girl, just like you. 274 00:16:11,387 --> 00:16:14,306 You're so sweet. That's what they say. 275 00:16:14,390 --> 00:16:16,224 Oh, weird. 276 00:16:16,559 --> 00:16:19,144 Oh, my God. I spilled some on you. 277 00:16:19,270 --> 00:16:21,188 Maybe I should mop that up. Thanks. 278 00:16:21,272 --> 00:16:24,566 No problem. Whoa! Whoa, hey. 279 00:16:24,651 --> 00:16:27,944 Take it slow. Come on. Right. 280 00:16:28,154 --> 00:16:31,073 You know, they warn us about these situations in college. 281 00:16:31,824 --> 00:16:36,119 Now, you may be intoxicated. 282 00:16:36,204 --> 00:16:38,080 Oh, yeah. 283 00:16:38,247 --> 00:16:40,999 Are you certain that you wish to engage in consenting... 284 00:16:41,084 --> 00:16:43,543 Hey, don't count your chickens, buster. 285 00:16:43,670 --> 00:16:47,255 I'm just playing by the rules, baby. I make the rules. 286 00:16:47,882 --> 00:16:50,300 That's a pretty good fucking rule. 287 00:16:55,306 --> 00:16:57,474 Dude, the line's too long. I'll never make it. 288 00:16:58,017 --> 00:17:00,018 It's gotta happen now. Get my back. All right. Go, bro. 289 00:17:07,485 --> 00:17:09,236 Clamp it off. Hello. 290 00:17:09,320 --> 00:17:11,613 Oh, Laurie. How are you? Good. Awesome. 291 00:17:11,781 --> 00:17:12,864 (GROANING) 292 00:17:12,949 --> 00:17:14,783 Hey. How are you? Hi, Laurie. 293 00:17:14,951 --> 00:17:16,284 Good. I'm really good. 294 00:17:16,369 --> 00:17:19,538 How 'bout I give you a little champagne? 295 00:17:19,997 --> 00:17:21,915 Why don't you go downstairs and get us a couple beers? 296 00:17:21,999 --> 00:17:23,709 I've got a surprise for you. 297 00:17:23,835 --> 00:17:26,169 Close your eyes and get ready. Oh, I'm ready. 298 00:17:26,254 --> 00:17:28,505 (GIGGLES) 299 00:17:28,965 --> 00:17:32,634 You want a beer? Yeah, all right. 300 00:17:32,802 --> 00:17:34,803 Mmm. 301 00:17:36,055 --> 00:17:37,639 Okay, go. 302 00:17:40,435 --> 00:17:43,019 This is kind of kinky, and I like that. 303 00:17:43,563 --> 00:17:45,313 (SIGHING) 304 00:17:47,275 --> 00:17:51,403 Ohhh! That's it. Bathe the Stifmeister. 305 00:17:52,071 --> 00:17:53,572 (SIGHS) 306 00:17:55,032 --> 00:17:56,992 Oh, that's great! 307 00:17:57,160 --> 00:17:59,119 Oh, that's great. (LAUGHS) 308 00:17:59,495 --> 00:18:01,413 How did you get it so nice and warm? 309 00:18:01,581 --> 00:18:02,873 (SIGHS) 310 00:18:03,040 --> 00:18:04,958 (MOANS) 311 00:18:05,334 --> 00:18:07,836 I can taste the bubbles. 312 00:18:10,590 --> 00:18:12,090 Actually, I can't. 313 00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:19,514 Much better. 314 00:18:22,226 --> 00:18:23,435 Wait a second. 315 00:18:23,519 --> 00:18:26,480 Let's go. Thanks, man. 316 00:18:28,357 --> 00:18:30,400 Christy? 317 00:18:32,528 --> 00:18:34,154 Oh, fuck! 318 00:18:37,533 --> 00:18:41,036 Yep. Half of these got East High parking passes on 'em. 319 00:18:42,079 --> 00:18:44,706 Break up another one. Call a couple units. 320 00:18:45,208 --> 00:18:47,918 Isn't this the Stifler house? Yeah. You ever seen Mrs. Stifler? 321 00:18:48,085 --> 00:18:49,169 Oh, what a MILF. 322 00:18:49,253 --> 00:18:50,462 Oh, yeah? She got any pow? Pow. 323 00:18:52,673 --> 00:18:54,257 JIM: Okay, now, 324 00:18:54,342 --> 00:18:58,887 do these high school kids think that we're cool because they're at a college party, 325 00:18:59,347 --> 00:19:02,349 or are we those weird older guys 326 00:19:02,558 --> 00:19:05,143 that try to hang out with high school kids when we come home? 327 00:19:05,228 --> 00:19:08,063 No way. We're definitely not those guys. BOY: Cops! 328 00:19:08,147 --> 00:19:09,606 Cops! 329 00:19:10,316 --> 00:19:13,401 All right! Break it up. Party's over. 330 00:19:13,486 --> 00:19:17,030 Let's go. Ostreicher, Myers. 331 00:19:17,406 --> 00:19:19,032 Welcome back. 332 00:19:19,116 --> 00:19:21,076 Where's Steve Stifler? 333 00:19:23,579 --> 00:19:26,081 COP: All right, let's go. Get up. This party's over. 334 00:19:27,667 --> 00:19:29,709 I got peed on. 335 00:19:31,420 --> 00:19:33,755 KEVIN: No, man, Stifler's got shut down. 336 00:19:33,923 --> 00:19:36,716 We can't party anywhere anymore. 337 00:19:36,884 --> 00:19:39,177 And things are... 338 00:19:39,345 --> 00:19:42,597 Getting weird? Yeah, a little bit. 339 00:19:42,765 --> 00:19:45,058 First summer back from college. 340 00:19:45,226 --> 00:19:47,894 Yep, things are gonna get weirder. 341 00:19:48,062 --> 00:19:49,521 What are you talkin' about? 342 00:19:49,605 --> 00:19:51,648 Well, times change, people change. 343 00:19:52,024 --> 00:19:53,817 It's just what happens, you know. 344 00:19:53,901 --> 00:19:57,112 Kev, listen. Go into my old room. 345 00:19:57,196 --> 00:20:00,740 My friends and I knew that it was up to us to stick together. 346 00:20:00,908 --> 00:20:02,784 You remember my first college summer? 347 00:20:02,869 --> 00:20:04,619 We rented that lake house in Grant Harbor. 348 00:20:04,787 --> 00:20:07,789 We treated every day out there like it was a post-prom party. 349 00:20:07,957 --> 00:20:10,750 Hell of a time. We capped it all off with a massive blowout. 350 00:20:11,127 --> 00:20:13,044 Best ever. It was legendary. 351 00:20:13,129 --> 00:20:16,089 My advice is do that. By the end of the summer, 352 00:20:16,173 --> 00:20:18,425 you're gonna see the big picture. 353 00:20:28,978 --> 00:20:33,106 (FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING) (KNOCKING) 354 00:20:33,274 --> 00:20:36,902 She's on the phone. She's on the phone. It's long distance. 355 00:20:36,986 --> 00:20:38,361 Who? Nadia! Nadia! 356 00:20:38,487 --> 00:20:42,657 What? She's on... New York. Hello. Yes, dear, he's right here. 357 00:20:42,783 --> 00:20:44,409 Hey... Here, give it to me. Now remember... 358 00:20:44,493 --> 00:20:47,621 Yes, I am sure to go see The Lion King. 359 00:20:47,788 --> 00:20:50,790 Right. And don't ride the subway after midnight. Okay. 360 00:20:50,958 --> 00:20:54,669 I know they've done wonderful things with that city, but, you know, for me... 361 00:20:54,837 --> 00:20:56,379 Dad! 362 00:20:56,464 --> 00:20:58,089 He's right... Hang on. 363 00:21:01,510 --> 00:21:03,178 Hey... Hey, Nadia. Jim! 364 00:21:03,346 --> 00:21:06,264 How was college? College was excellent. 365 00:21:06,390 --> 00:21:09,434 Yeah. Yeah, it was... It was really excellent. 366 00:21:09,602 --> 00:21:11,937 You have not forgotten about me, have you? 367 00:21:12,021 --> 00:21:15,273 No. I, uh... Absolutely not. 368 00:21:15,816 --> 00:21:18,777 I definitely didn't. Good, because guess what? 369 00:21:18,861 --> 00:21:20,946 I'm coming to see you at the end of summer. 370 00:21:21,113 --> 00:21:23,531 I hope you're ready for me, 371 00:21:23,699 --> 00:21:28,203 because I have not forgotten about you either, you sexy boy. 372 00:21:28,537 --> 00:21:31,122 JIM: Shit. FINCH: Jim, you can eat hot dogs tomorrow. 373 00:21:31,207 --> 00:21:34,459 No, no, Finch, it's not the hot dogs. 374 00:21:34,627 --> 00:21:36,419 Nadia called me this morning. 375 00:21:36,587 --> 00:21:40,090 She's coming here at the end of the summer, and she wants to see me. 376 00:21:40,424 --> 00:21:41,466 Oh, that's killer. 377 00:21:41,550 --> 00:21:43,051 Yeah, that's a good thing. 378 00:21:43,135 --> 00:21:45,929 No, not "good thing." Not "killer." 379 00:21:46,097 --> 00:21:48,139 I'll never be able to do it. 380 00:21:48,307 --> 00:21:52,102 Nadia is gonna be expecting filet mignon. 381 00:21:52,269 --> 00:21:56,606 Okay, and all I'm gonna be able to give her 382 00:21:56,732 --> 00:21:58,400 is rump roast. 383 00:21:58,567 --> 00:21:59,567 (LAUGHING) 384 00:22:00,236 --> 00:22:04,489 Aw, come on. Jim, you've had experience since Nadia. 385 00:22:04,657 --> 00:22:06,658 Ah, yes, you would be referring to 386 00:22:06,826 --> 00:22:10,120 the flute-fetish band geek that made me her bitch and then ditched me after prom. 387 00:22:10,246 --> 00:22:12,247 Yes, that's great experience. That's the one. 388 00:22:12,873 --> 00:22:15,667 Ah, you just gotta find the right girl, Jimbo. 389 00:22:15,751 --> 00:22:18,044 Brings it all together. FINCH: I had the right woman. 390 00:22:18,295 --> 00:22:23,049 She just sells her cottage and takes off to parts unknown. 391 00:22:23,134 --> 00:22:25,969 Oh, my romantic life has past its peak. 392 00:22:26,053 --> 00:22:27,971 Take me out to the pasture and shoot me. 393 00:22:28,431 --> 00:22:32,684 Super start to a super summer, fellas. Welcome home. 394 00:22:34,937 --> 00:22:38,273 Guys, I got it. Pack your bags. 395 00:22:38,566 --> 00:22:39,691 For what? 396 00:22:40,067 --> 00:22:41,693 We're moving to the lake. 397 00:22:44,989 --> 00:22:48,116 We're gonna be the shit. Everybody on the beach is gonna know us. 398 00:22:48,284 --> 00:22:50,952 Plenty of opportunities to practice for Nadia. 399 00:22:51,120 --> 00:22:54,247 Throw a huge party at the end of the summer to cap it all off. 400 00:22:54,415 --> 00:22:58,001 Dude, that's a great idea. That way we'll be able to welcome Heather back, 401 00:22:58,669 --> 00:23:01,296 and we'll be able to prepare for Nadia's big arrival. 402 00:23:01,380 --> 00:23:04,883 This is it. This is my summer of love. 403 00:23:05,384 --> 00:23:07,135 Just thought I'd say good-bye to you animals. 404 00:23:07,219 --> 00:23:09,679 Hey, Mr. Levenstein. How are you, sir? Hey. 405 00:23:10,931 --> 00:23:12,223 All packed up I see. 406 00:23:12,308 --> 00:23:13,767 Yeah, we're all set, Dad. 407 00:23:14,185 --> 00:23:16,478 Don't worry, okay? I'll be fine. 408 00:23:16,979 --> 00:23:18,563 Come on and give your old man a hug. 409 00:23:30,534 --> 00:23:31,743 Keep it real, homies. 410 00:23:32,036 --> 00:23:34,788 You too, sir. Have a good summer. 411 00:23:35,164 --> 00:23:37,332 All right, let's go. 412 00:23:37,416 --> 00:23:39,417 FINCH: I've been running these numbers here 413 00:23:39,502 --> 00:23:41,836 and I don't think the four of us can afford this place. 414 00:23:42,171 --> 00:23:43,421 Not on summer jobs. 415 00:23:43,506 --> 00:23:45,715 Well, I kind of thought of that. 416 00:23:46,008 --> 00:23:50,303 So, I invited someone else. 417 00:23:52,598 --> 00:23:56,101 Oh, yeah! The Stifmeister's coming back to Grant Harbor! 418 00:23:56,560 --> 00:23:58,770 Deck the halls! Bye-bye, Great Falls! 419 00:23:58,854 --> 00:24:01,022 Wipe my ass and lick my balls! 420 00:24:01,190 --> 00:24:04,359 It's Stifler time, baby! Whoo-hoo-hoo! 421 00:24:04,527 --> 00:24:07,028 (WHOOPING) 422 00:24:17,540 --> 00:24:22,043 Stifler, if you're gonna be living with us you gotta behave yourself. 423 00:24:22,378 --> 00:24:25,964 All right, you and Finch just stay out of each other's way. 424 00:24:26,298 --> 00:24:28,925 Kevin, Stifler's stench is unavoidable. 425 00:24:29,009 --> 00:24:31,511 Finch, fist yourself. (CHUCKLES) 426 00:24:33,264 --> 00:24:35,390 That's right, baby. We're here. 427 00:24:35,933 --> 00:24:38,143 Yeah, baby, we're here! 428 00:24:38,227 --> 00:24:40,895 Whoo-hoo-hoo! 429 00:25:05,379 --> 00:25:08,089 It's a palace. It's a temple. 430 00:25:11,260 --> 00:25:12,927 Isn't this great? 431 00:25:13,679 --> 00:25:15,847 Ah, dude. Are you kidding me? 432 00:25:32,615 --> 00:25:33,907 This just won't do. 433 00:26:07,691 --> 00:26:09,609 Guys. 434 00:26:11,570 --> 00:26:14,197 Check this out. This is it. 435 00:26:22,081 --> 00:26:25,416 (CHANTING) 436 00:26:25,584 --> 00:26:28,378 Will you idiots tell me what this fucker's doin'? 437 00:26:31,340 --> 00:26:33,424 (GASPS) 438 00:26:35,177 --> 00:26:36,719 Don't touch me while I'm tantric. 439 00:26:37,137 --> 00:26:40,265 "Tantric"? What the fuck is tantric? 440 00:26:40,349 --> 00:26:44,727 It's a Buddhist discipline. You learn to channel your body's energies, 441 00:26:44,812 --> 00:26:47,105 your chakras. 442 00:26:47,189 --> 00:26:50,817 When you can do that, you can have sex for hours, even days. 443 00:26:51,151 --> 00:26:52,443 And this stuff's for real? 444 00:26:52,528 --> 00:26:54,862 It's been around for centuries. 445 00:26:55,239 --> 00:26:57,407 With tantra you can make an entire session of sex 446 00:26:57,491 --> 00:27:00,243 feel like one giant orgasm. 447 00:27:00,411 --> 00:27:04,205 Eventually, you can sustain that feeling by meditating. 448 00:27:04,373 --> 00:27:07,542 Well, maybe you can teach me sometime? Very doubtful. 449 00:27:07,710 --> 00:27:09,836 True. Come on, Jim. 450 00:27:10,004 --> 00:27:13,256 You can't possibly be that bad. Oh, no? 451 00:27:13,716 --> 00:27:15,550 No way. 452 00:27:15,634 --> 00:27:19,262 Well, I guess there's only one person that really knows for sure, huh? 453 00:27:19,430 --> 00:27:22,056 Oh, yeah? Where's she this summer? 454 00:27:22,224 --> 00:27:24,058 (WHISTLE BLOWING) 455 00:27:24,893 --> 00:27:26,978 (MARCHING BAND PLAYING) 456 00:27:35,988 --> 00:27:39,240 Hey, are you here for the mid-session performance? 457 00:27:39,575 --> 00:27:41,492 Guests go in the amphitheater. You can't be here. 458 00:27:41,577 --> 00:27:43,453 Do you know where I could find Michelle Flaherty? 459 00:27:43,620 --> 00:27:46,664 Guests bring food. Food attracts animals. This one time, 460 00:27:46,749 --> 00:27:49,083 a bear came, and then the bear had to be destroyed, 461 00:27:49,168 --> 00:27:52,045 which means they shot it in the head with a rifle and killed it and it died. 462 00:27:52,212 --> 00:27:54,630 You must know Michelle. 463 00:27:54,798 --> 00:27:56,924 MAN: One, two, three, four. (TUBAS PLAYING) 464 00:27:57,009 --> 00:27:58,885 One, two... Good, go. 465 00:27:59,094 --> 00:28:01,971 One, two, three, four. 466 00:28:02,139 --> 00:28:04,557 (FLUTE PLAYING) 467 00:28:15,402 --> 00:28:17,111 That's a lot of flutes. 468 00:28:17,279 --> 00:28:20,531 (BELL CLANGING) (CHATTERING) 469 00:28:21,617 --> 00:28:25,161 Good luck. Thanks. Good job. Thanks, Michelle. 470 00:28:25,454 --> 00:28:26,913 Have fun at your next class. 471 00:28:31,168 --> 00:28:32,877 Hey, Michelle. 472 00:28:32,961 --> 00:28:34,837 Jim. Holy potatoes! 473 00:28:35,839 --> 00:28:38,091 You're really here? MAN: Everybody stick together. 474 00:28:38,175 --> 00:28:42,178 Oh, shoot! We're... We're not supposed to have visitors, 475 00:28:42,262 --> 00:28:44,806 'cause this one time, uh, here, 476 00:28:45,307 --> 00:28:47,058 this kid had these cookies... 477 00:28:47,184 --> 00:28:51,145 Let me guess. A bear came. Cool. 478 00:28:51,313 --> 00:28:53,689 It's like you know all our stories. 479 00:28:55,442 --> 00:28:57,443 Oh. Was that a question? 480 00:28:57,528 --> 00:28:59,404 I don't know. Maybe. 481 00:28:59,571 --> 00:29:02,949 Do you wanna answer it anyway? Michelle, um, 482 00:29:03,325 --> 00:29:07,662 I left you like, uh... Like three messages after prom. 483 00:29:07,746 --> 00:29:09,080 Really? 484 00:29:09,540 --> 00:29:13,793 You didn't think I was weird because of the way I acted that night? 485 00:29:14,420 --> 00:29:16,045 Weird, no. 486 00:29:17,297 --> 00:29:19,215 Surprising, yes. 487 00:29:19,842 --> 00:29:21,759 I get nasty when I'm horny. 488 00:29:22,469 --> 00:29:24,345 That's kind of why I'm here. 489 00:29:25,013 --> 00:29:26,389 Um, you remember, 490 00:29:26,473 --> 00:29:29,308 was I any good that... That night? 491 00:29:29,852 --> 00:29:32,437 Oh, wow. Geez. 492 00:29:32,521 --> 00:29:34,147 How could I forget? 493 00:29:34,731 --> 00:29:38,234 You sucked. You didn't know what the hell you were doing. 494 00:29:38,527 --> 00:29:41,737 But wasn't it fun even though you were so terrible? 495 00:29:41,989 --> 00:29:44,866 I'm sorry. "Terrible"? I've had worse. 496 00:29:44,950 --> 00:29:48,744 Oh. Oh, sorry. I... 497 00:29:49,246 --> 00:29:52,331 I... I could give you some pointers if you want. 498 00:29:52,583 --> 00:29:54,417 Really? (BELL CLANGING) 499 00:29:54,501 --> 00:29:57,086 Oh. Oh, shoot. Okay, wait here. 500 00:29:57,171 --> 00:29:59,464 I'll meet you in an hour, okay? 501 00:29:59,548 --> 00:30:00,965 Yeah. Oh, wait. 502 00:30:01,592 --> 00:30:02,717 Cool idea. 503 00:30:10,184 --> 00:30:12,018 Hey! 504 00:30:12,269 --> 00:30:13,352 What are you doing? 505 00:30:13,437 --> 00:30:14,520 Ow! 506 00:30:14,605 --> 00:30:17,064 Ooh. Ooh. (MOANING) 507 00:30:17,149 --> 00:30:20,443 You're all right. Here we go. You know you're not supposed to be here now. 508 00:30:20,527 --> 00:30:22,695 Everyone's supposed to be in the amphitheater. 509 00:30:22,779 --> 00:30:24,280 All right. Come on. (MUMBLING) 510 00:30:24,406 --> 00:30:26,824 It's piss-poor to be this late. I'm very angry right now. 511 00:30:26,909 --> 00:30:29,952 You can tell by the tone of my voice I'm angry. I'm pissed off is what I am. 512 00:30:30,078 --> 00:30:32,246 Here they are. Cut 'em off. 'Cause this is piss-poor. Go, go. 513 00:30:32,915 --> 00:30:34,665 Wait a minute. Are you Petey? 514 00:30:34,750 --> 00:30:37,293 Petey? Uh, yeah, sure. 515 00:30:37,377 --> 00:30:40,004 Petey! Well, that explains everything. 516 00:30:40,088 --> 00:30:42,423 All right. Well, it's always something with these kids. Go! 517 00:30:42,591 --> 00:30:46,010 Petey, we are just so thrilled to have you. None of my kids are at your caliber. 518 00:30:46,094 --> 00:30:51,098 Watch that. But we are just so overjoyed to have someone with your kind of talent here. 519 00:30:51,183 --> 00:30:52,934 Oh, great. BOY: Here you go. 520 00:30:53,018 --> 00:30:54,352 That's great. Oh, look at this. 521 00:30:54,436 --> 00:30:55,853 Your old best friend. Come on. Move. 522 00:30:55,938 --> 00:30:59,482 I know it's not yours, but you are going to make beautiful music. 523 00:30:59,566 --> 00:31:01,484 Here we go. This is fantastic. I'm very excited. 524 00:31:01,568 --> 00:31:04,612 You just own this and break a leg. 525 00:31:05,239 --> 00:31:07,698 All right, all right. 526 00:31:07,866 --> 00:31:10,910 (CROWD APPLAUDING) 527 00:31:23,006 --> 00:31:25,216 What was he doing out wandering around unsupervised? 528 00:31:25,300 --> 00:31:26,634 Who knows? 529 00:31:26,802 --> 00:31:30,304 I'll tell you something. I'm about fed up with these Tall Oaks North kids. 530 00:31:31,139 --> 00:31:34,392 (TROMBONE PLAYING SLOWLY) 531 00:31:36,979 --> 00:31:39,897 Kids, entertain yourselves. Play along with Petey. 532 00:31:40,065 --> 00:31:42,692 No, no, no, no, Petey. Here we go. 533 00:31:42,859 --> 00:31:45,319 All right, all right. Come on, now. A little encouragement. 534 00:31:45,487 --> 00:31:46,821 (APPLAUSE) 535 00:31:46,947 --> 00:31:48,239 Right to this spot. 536 00:31:48,323 --> 00:31:51,158 Folks, he's just a little nervous. 537 00:31:52,035 --> 00:31:53,661 This isn't right. 538 00:31:53,745 --> 00:31:55,913 Just blow on it, kid. All right. 539 00:31:55,998 --> 00:31:58,040 Here we go. 540 00:32:05,132 --> 00:32:07,508 Uh... GIRL: Come on, Petey. 541 00:32:09,428 --> 00:32:11,762 Play! Do something. 542 00:32:20,897 --> 00:32:22,356 (HONKING) 543 00:32:22,774 --> 00:32:24,609 Special, my ass. 544 00:32:24,818 --> 00:32:27,028 Come on. Give the little guy some support. Yeah! 545 00:32:27,195 --> 00:32:29,322 (ALL MURMURING AGREEMENT) 546 00:32:29,489 --> 00:32:32,658 Come on, Petey. You're doing great, partner. 547 00:32:33,869 --> 00:32:35,995 WOMAN: Come on, honey. You can do it. 548 00:32:36,079 --> 00:32:37,705 Come on, Petey. 549 00:32:39,875 --> 00:32:42,251 Oh, what the hell. 550 00:32:43,211 --> 00:32:45,296 Yeah! (CHUCKLES) 551 00:32:45,380 --> 00:32:46,380 All right! 552 00:32:47,049 --> 00:32:52,011 All right, Petey! Play it, man! Come on! JIM: Yeah! 553 00:32:52,179 --> 00:32:54,847 Rock and roll! 554 00:32:55,015 --> 00:32:56,849 Whoo! 555 00:33:01,313 --> 00:33:04,065 (OFF KEY HONKING) 556 00:33:22,167 --> 00:33:24,251 (CROWD GASPING) 557 00:33:35,430 --> 00:33:36,597 (LIGHT APPLAUSE) 558 00:33:37,015 --> 00:33:38,015 Thank you! 559 00:33:41,186 --> 00:33:42,895 Thank you, Tall Oaks. You're beautiful. 560 00:33:48,443 --> 00:33:50,528 My name is Petey! 561 00:33:51,947 --> 00:33:53,447 Thank you! 562 00:33:54,616 --> 00:33:56,617 And I have gigantic balls! 563 00:33:56,702 --> 00:33:57,868 (CROWDS FALLS SILENT) 564 00:33:57,953 --> 00:33:59,453 (MICROPHONE FEEDING BACK) 565 00:34:01,623 --> 00:34:02,915 I... 566 00:34:13,885 --> 00:34:16,220 Michelle... Not now! Come back later. Go! 567 00:34:18,140 --> 00:34:19,765 (SCATTERED LAUGHTER) 568 00:34:20,475 --> 00:34:23,102 Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Come back here! I wanna talk to you! 569 00:34:23,228 --> 00:34:25,479 You are so sweet. 570 00:34:25,647 --> 00:34:28,149 He is special. 571 00:34:28,692 --> 00:34:30,401 He's my bitch. 572 00:34:32,654 --> 00:34:34,905 Well, Michelle has confirmed it. 573 00:34:35,115 --> 00:34:38,159 I suck. What? 574 00:34:38,660 --> 00:34:41,287 I gotta get some practice. 575 00:34:41,747 --> 00:34:44,790 Don't worry about it. I mean, that's why we got the house, Jimbo. 576 00:34:44,875 --> 00:34:49,128 We plop a keg on the deck, and the girls come in off the beach. 577 00:34:49,296 --> 00:34:52,339 It's like a hummingbird feeder. 578 00:34:52,507 --> 00:34:55,342 You think so? I know so. 579 00:34:55,510 --> 00:34:56,969 Guaranteed hotties. 580 00:34:57,512 --> 00:35:00,055 Fellas, nice pad. 581 00:35:00,223 --> 00:35:03,017 Good view, but... 582 00:35:03,185 --> 00:35:06,604 The Sherminator sensors detect no female life-forms in the vicinity. 583 00:35:07,063 --> 00:35:11,108 High likelihood of a sausage-fest in progress. 584 00:35:11,193 --> 00:35:13,486 The girls are comin'. I made some calls. 585 00:35:14,571 --> 00:35:15,821 Yeah. 586 00:35:16,323 --> 00:35:19,074 The Sherminator's got a point, Kev. 587 00:35:19,242 --> 00:35:23,162 Since when do you start listening to the Sherminator? 588 00:35:23,246 --> 00:35:27,082 Since he made me realize there's an abundance of wiener here. 589 00:35:27,334 --> 00:35:30,044 I mean, look around, dude. Dude? 590 00:35:30,212 --> 00:35:31,962 VICKY: All right, now it's your turn. 591 00:35:32,047 --> 00:35:33,964 OZZY: Oh, come on. There's nothing to tell. 592 00:35:35,383 --> 00:35:37,760 Hey, what's up? What are you guys talking about? 593 00:35:37,844 --> 00:35:39,929 You know, we're just trading war stories about college, 594 00:35:40,096 --> 00:35:42,556 who hooked up with who, who slept with who... 595 00:35:42,724 --> 00:35:44,767 So, Vicky? 596 00:35:45,519 --> 00:35:48,979 Well, there was this one guy. How 'bout you? 597 00:35:49,523 --> 00:35:52,775 Oh, you know, there was a few girls... Three. 598 00:35:52,859 --> 00:35:55,444 Ooh, look at you. You stud. 599 00:35:56,905 --> 00:35:59,448 All right, Oz. Now that Kevin told us, what about you? 600 00:35:59,658 --> 00:36:02,827 You haven't had the slightest bit of attraction to any girl at school? 601 00:36:02,994 --> 00:36:05,788 Don't you fuckin' say no. I know you did. 602 00:36:06,706 --> 00:36:08,582 Even if I did, 603 00:36:09,376 --> 00:36:11,836 it wouldn't be anything more than just a momentary thing. 604 00:36:11,920 --> 00:36:16,257 Very uninteresting. And how about you, Jessica? 605 00:36:16,466 --> 00:36:18,342 How many chicks did you sleep with this year? 606 00:36:18,426 --> 00:36:20,302 Gee, wouldn't you like to know. 607 00:36:22,097 --> 00:36:23,222 Fuck yeah, I would. 608 00:36:23,306 --> 00:36:24,849 (CHUCKLES) 609 00:36:25,433 --> 00:36:27,101 Come on, Ozzy. 610 00:36:27,185 --> 00:36:28,894 Yeah, man. Ball. Pool's yours. 611 00:36:29,271 --> 00:36:30,688 Hey, Vic, you wanna play? 612 00:36:30,772 --> 00:36:32,106 Yeah, sure. You wanna break? 613 00:36:36,111 --> 00:36:37,653 What the... 614 00:36:37,737 --> 00:36:40,364 Where are the fuckin' females? 615 00:36:40,699 --> 00:36:44,660 Jim, can't you leave your shirt on? You're scaring the chicks away. 616 00:36:44,786 --> 00:36:46,287 OZZY: Dude, give him a break. 617 00:36:48,290 --> 00:36:51,834 Ozzy, go deep. Yeah, bro. You playing? 618 00:36:51,960 --> 00:36:53,294 No. 619 00:36:55,380 --> 00:36:57,715 No, no, keep going. Fly pattern. 620 00:36:57,883 --> 00:37:00,259 What are you doin'? Fishin'. 621 00:37:06,683 --> 00:37:07,808 (GROANING) 622 00:37:07,893 --> 00:37:09,476 Are you okay? Are you all right? 623 00:37:11,062 --> 00:37:14,773 You okay? Oh, man, I'm so sorry. Is everybody okay? 624 00:37:14,941 --> 00:37:18,402 (CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY) 625 00:37:22,532 --> 00:37:26,118 Amazing. STEVE: Yes. 626 00:37:26,661 --> 00:37:28,412 The Force is strong in that one. 627 00:37:29,748 --> 00:37:30,789 Whoa. 628 00:37:31,791 --> 00:37:36,587 The Sherminator detects serious heat at a distance of two meters. 629 00:37:36,671 --> 00:37:38,797 Preparing to deploy beer. 630 00:37:40,216 --> 00:37:42,468 Sherman, dude, 631 00:37:42,677 --> 00:37:44,887 let me give you a valuable piece of advice, okay? 632 00:37:45,430 --> 00:37:47,014 Drop the whole "Sherminator" thing. 633 00:37:47,349 --> 00:37:49,141 Please repeat previous statement. 634 00:37:49,392 --> 00:37:51,894 Look, I know your last name is Sherman, right? 635 00:37:52,479 --> 00:37:55,314 And that rhymes with The Terminator which was 636 00:37:55,398 --> 00:37:57,274 a big hit movie, what, like 10 years ago. 637 00:37:57,359 --> 00:38:00,110 But you can't tell me a girl's ever really gone for it. 638 00:38:01,112 --> 00:38:04,531 System overload. Hasta la vista, Jessica. 639 00:38:06,993 --> 00:38:08,827 What a freak. 640 00:38:08,995 --> 00:38:10,996 (CHUCKLING) 641 00:38:11,164 --> 00:38:13,832 Vic, hey, you guys are leaving? 642 00:38:14,000 --> 00:38:17,878 You know, we barely had a chance to hang out, you know, catch up. 643 00:38:18,046 --> 00:38:21,173 Well, what are you doing this weekend? I can get together. 644 00:38:21,341 --> 00:38:23,467 Cool. Let's hang out. All right. 645 00:38:23,551 --> 00:38:24,885 Bye, Kev. See ya, Jess. 646 00:38:25,011 --> 00:38:26,053 Bye. 647 00:38:29,557 --> 00:38:32,226 No, no, that's all wrong. 648 00:38:32,394 --> 00:38:35,437 Thank you. Have a nice day. Good-bye. 649 00:38:35,605 --> 00:38:38,649 So what does he mean, "meet up"? You know, like hang out, 650 00:38:38,733 --> 00:38:40,150 grab lunch, whatever. 651 00:38:40,235 --> 00:38:43,862 I told you, we're just friends now. And he totally understands. 652 00:38:44,030 --> 00:38:47,574 Oh, yeah, I'm sure he understands quite well. He does. 653 00:38:48,284 --> 00:38:51,787 Oh, no, sir. These are all wrong for you. I mean, seriously. 654 00:38:53,331 --> 00:38:55,165 Sure. We're friends. 655 00:38:55,333 --> 00:38:58,585 But it's not like I see her making plans with anyone else. Right. 656 00:38:58,753 --> 00:39:02,339 I don't see her with a boyfriend. I think that puts me on deck. 657 00:39:02,507 --> 00:39:07,094 (LAUGHS) Hey, Vicky only slept with one guy since we went out. 658 00:39:07,721 --> 00:39:11,807 I mean, that like makes me 50% of her entire guy-related life. 659 00:39:11,891 --> 00:39:13,684 You dipshit. 660 00:39:13,852 --> 00:39:16,895 She didn't sleep with one guy. She slept with at least three. 661 00:39:17,313 --> 00:39:18,439 What? 662 00:39:18,773 --> 00:39:20,607 When a girl tells you how many guys she slept with, 663 00:39:20,692 --> 00:39:22,943 multiply it by three and that's the real number. 664 00:39:23,528 --> 00:39:26,071 (LAUGHS) Didn't you fuckers learn anything at college? 665 00:39:28,950 --> 00:39:30,367 Look, he did not sleep with three girls, okay? 666 00:39:30,452 --> 00:39:33,078 Much like Sly and the Family Stone aren't gonna dance on in here 667 00:39:33,288 --> 00:39:37,082 and gang-bang me between the Afros and the bell bottoms, okay? 668 00:39:37,167 --> 00:39:38,500 It's not gonna happen. 669 00:39:38,585 --> 00:39:40,544 Kevin Myers did not sleep with three girls at Michigan. 670 00:39:40,670 --> 00:39:45,132 But why would he lie to me? It's not a lie. It's an adjustment. The rule of three. 671 00:39:45,842 --> 00:39:47,426 The rule of what? Three. 672 00:39:47,510 --> 00:39:51,013 A guy tells you how many girls he's hooked up with, it's not even close to that. 673 00:39:51,306 --> 00:39:54,433 Take that number and divide it by three. Then you get the real total. 674 00:39:54,517 --> 00:39:58,437 So, if Kevin's saying it's been three girls, it's more like one, or none. 675 00:39:58,897 --> 00:39:59,897 None? 676 00:39:59,981 --> 00:40:01,231 Rule of three. 677 00:40:01,316 --> 00:40:03,442 It's an exact science, consistent as gravity. 678 00:40:05,153 --> 00:40:06,945 Ozzy, I'm happy for you. 679 00:40:07,030 --> 00:40:09,573 At least you've seen a nice bod while Heather's off sucking dick. 680 00:40:09,657 --> 00:40:11,867 Stifler, keep your fantasies to yourself. 681 00:40:11,951 --> 00:40:14,453 Dude, use your fuckin' brain. 682 00:40:14,662 --> 00:40:17,456 "Oh, I'm an American college chick. La, la, la. 683 00:40:17,540 --> 00:40:20,250 "Your European cultural shit is so charming. 684 00:40:21,169 --> 00:40:24,338 "Ooh, hey. Hot Spanish guy. Love your accent. 685 00:40:24,631 --> 00:40:26,131 "Love your ding-dong." 686 00:40:26,216 --> 00:40:29,301 I'm telling you, man, right now there is a dick in your girlfriend's mouth. 687 00:40:30,095 --> 00:40:31,386 Knock it off. 688 00:40:31,638 --> 00:40:33,180 What'd I say? 689 00:40:41,898 --> 00:40:44,024 (CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY) 690 00:40:52,367 --> 00:40:54,326 Oh, my God! 691 00:40:56,579 --> 00:41:00,040 Guys! Check it out. Lesbians. 692 00:41:01,835 --> 00:41:03,544 Lesbians live here. 693 00:41:03,711 --> 00:41:06,046 You know, Mr. Homophobic Wizard, 694 00:41:06,214 --> 00:41:09,716 that it is possible for women to hold hands and not be gay. 695 00:41:10,718 --> 00:41:12,136 Friends can hold hands. 696 00:41:12,220 --> 00:41:16,431 Hey, Finch, I don't wanna hear about you and your boyfriends. Go jerk off. 697 00:41:16,599 --> 00:41:18,559 Unnecessary. 698 00:41:18,726 --> 00:41:21,228 Tantra teaches you to hold an orgasm over time 699 00:41:21,855 --> 00:41:23,564 in anticipation of an ultimate moment 700 00:41:23,815 --> 00:41:26,108 to release it upon the world. 701 00:41:26,401 --> 00:41:28,569 I'm filling up to the brim. 702 00:41:28,653 --> 00:41:32,948 That's fucking disgusting! Oh, I'm gonna throw up. 703 00:41:35,577 --> 00:41:38,412 (TELEPHONE RINGING) 704 00:41:39,747 --> 00:41:42,249 Hello? Hey, Heather. You're in! 705 00:41:42,500 --> 00:41:43,625 Oz! 706 00:41:43,710 --> 00:41:45,294 How's the studying going? 707 00:41:45,461 --> 00:41:47,296 I'd hardly call it studying. 708 00:41:47,463 --> 00:41:50,090 I've been going to the Picasso Museum, 709 00:41:50,258 --> 00:41:52,050 hanging out at Sagrada Familia, 710 00:41:52,218 --> 00:41:54,261 going with Pierre to the Parc Guell. 711 00:41:54,429 --> 00:41:56,805 Hey, who's Pierre? One of the guys in the program. 712 00:41:56,973 --> 00:41:59,850 He's got a girlfriend back in France, so we've kind of got something in common. 713 00:41:59,934 --> 00:42:01,602 Ah, that sounds cool. 714 00:42:01,978 --> 00:42:05,939 Yeah, I've overheard them on the phone at night. 715 00:42:06,024 --> 00:42:09,693 And, uh, well, it made me think. 716 00:42:09,861 --> 00:42:15,282 Hey, Oz, I'm reaching under my shirt, and I'm rubbing myself. (LAUGHING) 717 00:42:15,658 --> 00:42:18,869 Oz, come on. It's phone sex. Help me out here. 718 00:42:18,953 --> 00:42:21,997 Okay. Uh... 719 00:42:23,291 --> 00:42:26,126 I'm going over to my bed. 720 00:42:26,294 --> 00:42:29,588 Yeah. And I'm lying down. 721 00:42:29,881 --> 00:42:32,216 And I'm slowly 722 00:42:32,300 --> 00:42:35,594 reaching downstairs. 723 00:42:35,887 --> 00:42:37,262 Grab it. Tell me how big it is. 724 00:42:38,806 --> 00:42:41,975 Listen, Heather, I'm feeling kind of awkward. Oz. 725 00:42:42,143 --> 00:42:45,854 If we can't physically be with each other, then we have to learn to be more vocal. 726 00:42:46,231 --> 00:42:48,398 Right? Right. Okay. 727 00:42:48,483 --> 00:42:52,778 Okay, here we go. I'm reaching in my pants now. 728 00:42:53,112 --> 00:42:54,947 And I'm rubbing it for you, Heather. 729 00:42:55,031 --> 00:42:57,699 (SIGHS) And it feels so good. 730 00:42:57,784 --> 00:42:59,993 Yeah, me too. Oh, yeah. 731 00:43:00,119 --> 00:43:01,787 I got... (BEEPS) 732 00:43:01,996 --> 00:43:04,081 Call waiting. 733 00:43:04,332 --> 00:43:06,083 Oh, shit. Hello? 734 00:43:06,459 --> 00:43:08,919 (MAN SPEAKING IN MIDDLE EASTERN DIALECT) Wrong number. 735 00:43:09,087 --> 00:43:10,837 (CONTINUES SPEAKING) 736 00:43:11,005 --> 00:43:15,175 Hey. Hello. Wrong number. (CONTINUES) 737 00:43:15,343 --> 00:43:18,553 All right, look, man. I got my hand on my dick right now, okay, 738 00:43:18,638 --> 00:43:21,181 and I'm trying to have sex with my girlfriend over the phone. 739 00:43:21,266 --> 00:43:25,644 Emir, good for you, man. 740 00:43:26,688 --> 00:43:28,522 Okay. Hey. 741 00:43:28,940 --> 00:43:31,275 Sorry about that. Where were we? 742 00:43:31,359 --> 00:43:33,610 I think you were reaching for something. 743 00:43:33,778 --> 00:43:35,654 Oh, yeah. 744 00:43:36,614 --> 00:43:41,576 Oh, yeah, Heather. I'm rubbing it and it feels so good. 745 00:43:42,203 --> 00:43:46,206 Hey, Oz, I'm touching myself. What else do you want me to do? 746 00:43:46,833 --> 00:43:48,792 STEVE: Oh, Heather, baby. 747 00:43:48,876 --> 00:43:51,545 Why don't you tell me my dick is as big as Stifler's. 748 00:43:51,713 --> 00:43:52,796 Stifler, get off! 749 00:43:52,880 --> 00:43:55,757 I am getting off just listening to the two of you guys. 750 00:43:55,925 --> 00:43:56,967 Keep going. 751 00:43:57,051 --> 00:43:58,719 I think we should try this another time. 752 00:43:59,053 --> 00:44:01,805 Yeah, all right. Bye-bye. I love you. 753 00:44:01,889 --> 00:44:03,056 I love you. 754 00:44:03,182 --> 00:44:05,142 Come on, you guys. I was almost there! 755 00:44:05,226 --> 00:44:06,685 Nice talking with you, Steven. 756 00:44:06,811 --> 00:44:08,270 Stifler, man! 757 00:44:08,521 --> 00:44:10,939 (SCOFFS) Repressed. 758 00:44:17,113 --> 00:44:18,363 (GIGGLING) 759 00:44:21,200 --> 00:44:22,617 Check it out. 760 00:44:22,785 --> 00:44:24,870 Potential lesbians leaving the building. 761 00:44:33,504 --> 00:44:35,297 All right. Now is my chance. 762 00:44:35,465 --> 00:44:40,177 I need confirmation. Stifler. Hey, man, what are you doing? 763 00:44:40,345 --> 00:44:41,845 (GROANS) Go get him. 764 00:44:41,971 --> 00:44:43,430 You ass. Stifler, get out. 765 00:44:44,432 --> 00:44:46,183 Stifler. Stifler. 766 00:44:48,227 --> 00:44:49,227 Stifler. 767 00:44:50,355 --> 00:44:53,607 Oh, shit, dude! I found a dildo! 768 00:44:53,691 --> 00:44:54,775 Stifler. 769 00:44:54,859 --> 00:44:56,777 Big blue rubber dicks for everyone! 770 00:44:57,028 --> 00:44:59,112 The people demand rubber dicks! 771 00:44:59,197 --> 00:45:00,322 Finch, help. Finch! 772 00:45:00,448 --> 00:45:03,033 Dildo, dildo, dildo! 773 00:45:04,619 --> 00:45:06,203 What are you doing? 774 00:45:06,454 --> 00:45:08,080 I'm looking for more lesbian artifacts. 775 00:45:09,290 --> 00:45:11,291 Where'd you get this? Finch's ass. 776 00:45:12,543 --> 00:45:14,461 Oh, my God. Shit! Guys, they're back. 777 00:45:17,173 --> 00:45:19,591 Stall 'em! 778 00:45:19,759 --> 00:45:20,967 Come on. Come on! 779 00:45:21,135 --> 00:45:22,719 Come on. Come on. 780 00:45:22,804 --> 00:45:24,096 This is awesome! 781 00:45:24,263 --> 00:45:26,390 Danielle, Amber, hi. Hey. 782 00:45:26,557 --> 00:45:29,726 Just needed the paper, huh? Mm-hmm. 783 00:45:31,979 --> 00:45:35,565 Which room? Which room? I can't remember shit. I was too excited. 784 00:45:35,733 --> 00:45:38,235 I'm in a lesbian stronghold. Was it in here? 785 00:45:38,319 --> 00:45:40,195 Shit, man. Why are you asking me so many questions? 786 00:45:40,279 --> 00:45:41,613 Was it in here? 787 00:45:41,781 --> 00:45:44,491 Maybe. What do you mean "maybe"? Was it or was it not here? 788 00:45:44,909 --> 00:45:46,326 Happy painting, boys. 789 00:45:48,621 --> 00:45:49,830 You gotta get out of there. 790 00:45:49,997 --> 00:45:52,165 They're inside. Oh, shit balls. 791 00:45:58,131 --> 00:45:59,548 Very original, Steven. 792 00:45:59,632 --> 00:46:00,966 Don't call me Steven. 793 00:46:12,437 --> 00:46:13,562 Ow! 794 00:46:13,646 --> 00:46:16,731 DANIELLE: I can wear that little leopard bikini of mine. 795 00:46:16,899 --> 00:46:19,526 AMBER: I love that one. It's so cute on you. 796 00:46:19,694 --> 00:46:21,153 Help unzip me, please. Oh, yeah. 797 00:46:21,320 --> 00:46:23,864 Okay. Thanks. 798 00:46:24,031 --> 00:46:26,283 Hey, have I shown you my cute little pink shoes? 799 00:46:26,367 --> 00:46:28,076 Does it match the pink bikini? 800 00:46:28,244 --> 00:46:30,287 STEVE: They're getting naked. 801 00:46:34,375 --> 00:46:35,709 Cute. Thank you. 802 00:46:39,714 --> 00:46:42,257 (BOTH LAUGHING) 803 00:46:43,342 --> 00:46:45,343 Oh, shit. She's de-pantsing. 804 00:46:45,428 --> 00:46:47,053 Oh, man. 805 00:46:47,221 --> 00:46:51,308 Wait a minute. They can't hear us inside? We won't cross over their radio or anything? 806 00:46:51,392 --> 00:46:54,561 KEVIN OVER SPEAKERS: No, man. These work on a C.B. Frequency. 807 00:46:54,729 --> 00:46:56,396 This girl is so hot. 808 00:47:01,486 --> 00:47:04,404 Two possible lesbians in their bras and panties. 809 00:47:04,780 --> 00:47:06,990 Lesbians? Uh... 810 00:47:07,074 --> 00:47:10,702 CASHIER: Did you say lesbians? Hot lesbians! 811 00:47:13,956 --> 00:47:15,916 Don't touch me. I'm not. 812 00:47:25,927 --> 00:47:28,595 That better not have been what I thought it was. 813 00:47:31,224 --> 00:47:33,225 AMBER: This is not gonna fit. Look at you and look at me. 814 00:47:33,392 --> 00:47:36,728 Too big. I'll get you the blue stringy number. 815 00:47:39,774 --> 00:47:41,441 Johnny West is missing. 816 00:47:42,610 --> 00:47:44,945 Maybe you kicked it under the bed. 817 00:47:47,031 --> 00:47:49,032 Okay, let me look. 818 00:47:49,116 --> 00:47:51,368 Wait. Didn't you have it when we were downstairs? 819 00:47:51,536 --> 00:47:53,620 Oh, maybe. 820 00:47:54,956 --> 00:47:56,623 Let's go. 821 00:47:56,707 --> 00:47:59,000 Guys, get the hell out of there right now. 822 00:48:01,462 --> 00:48:02,796 Come on. Come on. 823 00:48:02,880 --> 00:48:05,131 It's clear! Go, go, go! 824 00:48:10,972 --> 00:48:13,431 They're coming back. 825 00:48:17,979 --> 00:48:21,022 Oh, I'm just so glad I found him. He's my favorite collectible. 826 00:48:21,274 --> 00:48:22,691 I know. 827 00:48:23,109 --> 00:48:24,109 (BLOWS KISS) 828 00:48:25,319 --> 00:48:27,904 (WHISPERING) Hey, guys, we got nothing to worry about. 829 00:48:27,989 --> 00:48:31,658 I just remembered. I got that dildo from the other bedroom. 830 00:48:34,787 --> 00:48:37,622 Holy shit! There's a dildo in my drawer. 831 00:48:37,873 --> 00:48:41,501 Oh, my God! You could have asked me if you wanted to borrow it. 832 00:48:41,627 --> 00:48:42,627 AMBER: I've never even seen it before. 833 00:48:42,712 --> 00:48:44,170 Stop it. Shh! 834 00:48:45,590 --> 00:48:46,673 FINCH: Your breath stinks. 835 00:48:47,091 --> 00:48:49,968 What the hell was that? I don't know. Call 911. 836 00:48:50,886 --> 00:48:53,263 Hey, hey! No, no, no! Hold on! Hold on! 837 00:48:53,347 --> 00:48:55,098 No 911. Don't call the police. 838 00:48:55,182 --> 00:48:56,933 My God, it's the painting kids. 839 00:48:57,018 --> 00:48:58,643 I don't care. I'm still calling the cops. 840 00:48:59,186 --> 00:49:01,021 Okay, no, no, no. This isn't right. 841 00:49:01,439 --> 00:49:04,107 Okay, look. Stifler did break in here. You dick! 842 00:49:04,191 --> 00:49:06,693 But we just followed him in to get him out. 843 00:49:07,278 --> 00:49:08,612 (BOTH SCOFF) 844 00:49:08,779 --> 00:49:12,115 I just wanted proof that you chicks are really lesbians. 845 00:49:16,162 --> 00:49:18,788 You wanna mess with 'em? 846 00:49:18,956 --> 00:49:21,041 Yeah, it'll be fun. 847 00:49:21,208 --> 00:49:23,251 Let's do it. Let's do it. 848 00:49:24,211 --> 00:49:26,504 You guys like that? 849 00:49:34,722 --> 00:49:37,307 Ozzy, stand by for confirmation. 850 00:49:39,060 --> 00:49:41,645 That's a big 10-4 on the confirmation. 851 00:49:43,814 --> 00:49:47,942 Sounds like your little friends outside wanna play too. 852 00:49:51,155 --> 00:49:52,697 You won't be needing this. 853 00:49:54,241 --> 00:49:55,909 Who wants me to touch Amber? 854 00:49:57,328 --> 00:49:58,662 MAN ON RADIO: I do, I do. 855 00:49:58,746 --> 00:49:59,746 Who the hell is that? 856 00:50:00,289 --> 00:50:01,539 Who's this? 857 00:50:01,957 --> 00:50:05,126 Uh, this is John... Smith. 858 00:50:06,462 --> 00:50:08,254 I'm turning off my radio now. 859 00:50:09,382 --> 00:50:13,635 Okay. (CHUCKLES) Where should I touch Amber? 860 00:50:14,053 --> 00:50:16,137 Ass, baby. Feel that ass! 861 00:50:16,222 --> 00:50:18,890 Okay. (GIGGLES) 862 00:50:19,058 --> 00:50:22,268 (SIGHS) That's nice. Oooh. 863 00:50:25,231 --> 00:50:28,983 I know. You feel his ass first. 864 00:50:30,403 --> 00:50:31,444 Excuse me? 865 00:50:31,696 --> 00:50:34,072 Yeah, yeah, I like that. That's good. It's good. 866 00:50:34,365 --> 00:50:37,075 Yeah, so I got some painting I should, uh... It's... 867 00:50:37,410 --> 00:50:40,120 Jim, hold on. I can handle it. 868 00:50:40,538 --> 00:50:42,914 What? Stifler, I'm comfortable with my sexuality. 869 00:50:43,290 --> 00:50:45,583 And I would love to see that show. 870 00:50:45,668 --> 00:50:47,752 Bravo! 871 00:50:48,129 --> 00:50:49,462 (BOTH GROAN) 872 00:50:51,507 --> 00:50:53,925 One finger, on the cheek. 873 00:50:54,135 --> 00:50:56,761 We want palm 874 00:50:57,638 --> 00:50:58,763 grasping. 875 00:50:59,265 --> 00:51:01,975 Oh, that's too much. No, no, no. 876 00:51:02,101 --> 00:51:03,810 You don't touch, we don't touch. 877 00:51:04,186 --> 00:51:06,020 Squeeze his ass, son. You'll like it. 878 00:51:06,313 --> 00:51:07,814 DANIELLE: Come on, boys. 879 00:51:08,107 --> 00:51:11,943 Jesus Christ. Oh, shit. (GROANS) 880 00:51:13,571 --> 00:51:15,739 I'm touching his ass. I'm touching his ass. 881 00:51:17,533 --> 00:51:19,242 Red Leader, what's your position? 882 00:51:19,410 --> 00:51:23,329 I'm touching his ass. I'm touching his ass. Mommy! 883 00:51:24,790 --> 00:51:25,957 You can go. 884 00:51:26,125 --> 00:51:27,584 That really wasn't bad. 885 00:51:27,710 --> 00:51:30,170 I wanna go home. AMBER: That's too bad. 886 00:51:30,588 --> 00:51:32,172 (GIGGLING) 887 00:51:32,506 --> 00:51:34,799 Never mind. I'm staying. 888 00:51:35,092 --> 00:51:37,510 Danielle is feeling my breasts. 889 00:51:40,181 --> 00:51:42,015 No way, dude! 890 00:51:42,349 --> 00:51:45,810 Her breasts are so luscious. What a wonderful Christmas gift you bought the boys. 891 00:51:46,437 --> 00:51:49,022 AMBER: My nipples are so hard. 892 00:51:49,190 --> 00:51:51,900 (GIRLS GIGGLING) I think I can fix these. 893 00:51:56,447 --> 00:51:57,530 (SHUDDERS) 894 00:51:58,532 --> 00:52:00,074 JIM: Sweet Jesus. 895 00:52:01,994 --> 00:52:03,036 Your turn. 896 00:52:04,455 --> 00:52:05,789 Oh, yeah! 897 00:52:05,873 --> 00:52:09,209 No, no, no. (LAUGHS) Mmm-mmm. 898 00:52:09,585 --> 00:52:11,211 Him. 899 00:52:14,882 --> 00:52:16,216 Kiss. 900 00:52:16,550 --> 00:52:18,384 Dude, no. 901 00:52:18,886 --> 00:52:21,721 Wait. What? Oh, yeah. You want more? 902 00:52:22,181 --> 00:52:24,766 We want more. Go get him, tiger. 903 00:52:25,059 --> 00:52:26,392 You'll like it. You're gonna love it. 904 00:52:26,477 --> 00:52:27,727 DANIELLE: Do it for us. 905 00:52:28,062 --> 00:52:29,062 (LAUGHING) 906 00:52:31,065 --> 00:52:32,607 Okay, dude. 907 00:52:34,902 --> 00:52:36,986 One, two, 908 00:52:38,197 --> 00:52:40,031 three. (GIRLS GROAN) 909 00:52:40,407 --> 00:52:41,574 That doesn't even count. 910 00:52:41,659 --> 00:52:43,243 That counted. That totally counted. 911 00:52:43,410 --> 00:52:44,702 That's how you kiss your mother. 912 00:52:44,829 --> 00:52:45,995 Don't you say anything! 913 00:52:46,080 --> 00:52:49,165 Make it real. You do that, 914 00:52:49,250 --> 00:52:51,376 we'll do anything you want. 915 00:52:51,752 --> 00:52:53,086 Anything? 916 00:52:53,337 --> 00:52:54,337 Anything. 917 00:52:54,755 --> 00:52:56,714 Anything. Anything. 918 00:52:57,758 --> 00:52:59,050 You better like it. 919 00:52:59,134 --> 00:53:01,302 I promise. Promise. I wouldn't lie. 920 00:53:04,056 --> 00:53:05,682 Come on. 921 00:53:06,308 --> 00:53:07,976 (GROANS) 922 00:53:09,812 --> 00:53:11,938 That is what I'm talking about. 923 00:53:12,022 --> 00:53:14,107 Ah, Kev, you can look. 924 00:53:15,401 --> 00:53:16,860 Ooh! 925 00:53:16,944 --> 00:53:18,653 (GIRLS LAUGHING) 926 00:53:18,821 --> 00:53:20,697 AMBER: That's it. 927 00:53:20,865 --> 00:53:23,032 DANIELLE: Where's your tongue? 928 00:53:23,242 --> 00:53:25,326 (COUGHING) (RETCHING) 929 00:53:28,289 --> 00:53:29,873 Good boys. 930 00:53:29,999 --> 00:53:32,667 DANIELLE: Very good. Dude, you're a fuckin' lousy kisser. 931 00:53:32,751 --> 00:53:34,586 What? I wasn't trying! 932 00:53:35,045 --> 00:53:36,629 That's not fair! 933 00:53:36,714 --> 00:53:39,299 I wasn't trying there. I'm really... I'm not... 934 00:53:39,508 --> 00:53:40,925 No judgment. Nope. 935 00:53:41,635 --> 00:53:43,386 Wait a second. You were trying? 936 00:53:43,470 --> 00:53:44,804 Fuck no! You were trying! 937 00:53:44,889 --> 00:53:45,889 You were trying? You were trying! 938 00:53:45,973 --> 00:53:48,808 Oh, my... That's disg... Oh, I kissed Jim! 939 00:53:48,893 --> 00:53:50,810 Silence. Silence. Silence! 940 00:53:51,145 --> 00:53:53,062 FINCH: Ladies. Yes? 941 00:53:53,147 --> 00:53:54,856 As you were. 942 00:53:56,984 --> 00:53:59,110 Here we go. Let's do it. 943 00:54:00,112 --> 00:54:01,154 Okay. 944 00:54:07,244 --> 00:54:09,370 Ooh. Ahh. 945 00:54:09,455 --> 00:54:11,372 DANIELLE: Amber! 946 00:54:11,540 --> 00:54:13,082 (AMBER GIGGLES) 947 00:54:13,500 --> 00:54:16,920 Them girls sound like the two transvestites we picked up in Biloxi, Cooter. 948 00:54:17,129 --> 00:54:19,422 Honey, come on. Food's ready. I'm not hungry! 949 00:54:21,967 --> 00:54:23,593 (BOTH SIGHING) 950 00:54:26,388 --> 00:54:27,639 I can't... 951 00:54:29,183 --> 00:54:31,392 I can't believe it. Okay, okay, just do it. 952 00:54:32,603 --> 00:54:33,811 Ooh! Oh. 953 00:54:33,938 --> 00:54:35,229 (BOTH SIGHING) 954 00:54:35,314 --> 00:54:37,190 FINCH: Oh, God. It was worth it. 955 00:54:37,399 --> 00:54:39,067 Hello! Oh! 956 00:54:39,193 --> 00:54:40,193 (GIGGLING) 957 00:54:42,446 --> 00:54:43,571 Whoo! 958 00:54:50,371 --> 00:54:51,663 Keep going. 959 00:54:51,789 --> 00:54:53,206 Uh, Amber. 960 00:54:55,668 --> 00:54:58,127 Okay, I think that's enough. That's good. 961 00:54:58,212 --> 00:54:59,796 I want more. Hell, yeah. 962 00:54:59,880 --> 00:55:01,673 Yeah. I want more, too, baby. 963 00:55:02,049 --> 00:55:03,424 Mm-hmm. 964 00:55:03,509 --> 00:55:07,887 We're gonna get more physical as soon as we get some... 965 00:55:09,390 --> 00:55:10,556 Hand jobs. 966 00:55:10,641 --> 00:55:11,849 Okay! 967 00:55:13,727 --> 00:55:15,395 Yeah. Hand jobs. 968 00:55:16,689 --> 00:55:18,064 You, do him. 969 00:55:18,565 --> 00:55:20,108 We love to watch. 970 00:55:21,235 --> 00:55:22,485 I'm sorry? AMBER: Yeah. 971 00:55:22,569 --> 00:55:24,737 You go. You go. We go. We go. 972 00:55:25,030 --> 00:55:26,531 (DANIELLE CHUCKLING) 973 00:55:29,410 --> 00:55:31,744 AMBER: Don't be a wimp. 974 00:55:34,665 --> 00:55:39,043 Okay. It's okay. I know what I have to do. 975 00:55:39,712 --> 00:55:42,463 I need to keep this party goin'. 976 00:55:43,424 --> 00:55:45,591 I'm takin' one for the team. 977 00:55:46,677 --> 00:55:49,679 Mother of God! Come on, you pussies. We had 'em. 978 00:55:49,763 --> 00:55:52,432 I am not touching that. Put that thing away, Stifler. 979 00:55:52,599 --> 00:55:55,309 Why can't you guys be team players, huh? 980 00:55:55,936 --> 00:55:57,812 I was the one doin' all the sacrificin'. 981 00:55:58,147 --> 00:55:59,147 (LAUGHING) 982 00:56:00,232 --> 00:56:01,315 Whoo! 983 00:56:02,276 --> 00:56:04,569 And now, for our devoted listeners, 984 00:56:04,653 --> 00:56:06,112 back to the show. 985 00:56:06,780 --> 00:56:09,407 Amber, let me try that dildo. 986 00:56:09,908 --> 00:56:10,908 (CHEERING) 987 00:56:12,786 --> 00:56:14,537 OZZY: Okay. Now wait just a minute. 988 00:56:14,621 --> 00:56:17,498 Stifler wanted to give you two hand jobs? 989 00:56:17,666 --> 00:56:21,335 No. Stifler wanted one from us. 990 00:56:21,670 --> 00:56:23,504 What? Bullshit. 991 00:56:23,589 --> 00:56:25,381 No, he did, okay? And it was horrible, Oz. 992 00:56:25,966 --> 00:56:27,592 Very horrible. 993 00:56:27,676 --> 00:56:29,677 You guys, you wanna play some "asshole"? 994 00:56:30,054 --> 00:56:32,430 JIM: Eh. Just watching the game, Kev. 995 00:56:32,514 --> 00:56:34,474 Hey, I just wanna do something together. 996 00:56:34,641 --> 00:56:36,601 We just did something together. 997 00:56:36,977 --> 00:56:39,937 Very together. STEVE: Ho ho ho. 998 00:56:40,022 --> 00:56:41,981 Stifler Claus is here. 999 00:56:42,649 --> 00:56:45,193 Now, just so there's no confusion, 1000 00:56:45,277 --> 00:56:49,280 Santa Porn has just brought us some heterosexual entertainment. 1001 00:56:50,407 --> 00:56:51,449 Here you go. 1002 00:56:52,659 --> 00:56:54,202 All right. Here. 1003 00:56:54,286 --> 00:56:57,288 And the Stifmeister's provided us some complimentary lubricant. 1004 00:56:57,498 --> 00:56:59,248 Whack away, Jim. Whack away. 1005 00:56:59,333 --> 00:57:00,875 Does this stuff really make a difference? 1006 00:57:00,959 --> 00:57:03,669 Oh, yeah! Really? 1007 00:57:04,588 --> 00:57:06,506 (PHONE RINGING) 1008 00:57:10,010 --> 00:57:13,596 Stifmeister's palace of love... Uh, straight love. 1009 00:57:14,723 --> 00:57:18,309 Oh, hey. Yeah, I'm fine. How about you? 1010 00:57:18,477 --> 00:57:19,560 That's Stifler's mom. 1011 00:57:19,645 --> 00:57:20,853 Silence. 1012 00:57:20,938 --> 00:57:22,897 I didn't really think you were gonna be in Michigan this summer. 1013 00:57:23,315 --> 00:57:25,066 Yeah, you're more than welcome to be here. 1014 00:57:25,567 --> 00:57:30,279 Okay, stop by in a couple of weeks. We're having a big party. Okay, bye. 1015 00:57:30,364 --> 00:57:32,115 Uh, Stifler, was that... 1016 00:57:32,491 --> 00:57:33,825 Okay. 1017 00:57:35,202 --> 00:57:36,869 She's coming. 1018 00:57:41,708 --> 00:57:44,043 Stifler's mom is coming here. 1019 00:57:46,713 --> 00:57:48,506 Efforts must be doubled. 1020 00:57:50,134 --> 00:57:52,343 "Efforts must be doubled." 1021 00:57:54,429 --> 00:57:55,763 Absolutely. 1022 00:58:03,355 --> 00:58:04,981 Jenny, where'd you put my clarinet? 1023 00:58:05,065 --> 00:58:07,567 I think I shoved it in your box. Thanks! 1024 00:58:07,651 --> 00:58:11,154 Bad man. I'm a bad, bad man. 1025 00:58:13,574 --> 00:58:15,908 Michelle. Michelle. Hi. Hi. 1026 00:58:15,993 --> 00:58:17,785 Jim, what are you doing here? 1027 00:58:17,870 --> 00:58:20,329 I... Well, I thought you had said... 1028 00:58:20,414 --> 00:58:23,082 You can't just stand out here. 1029 00:58:23,625 --> 00:58:27,503 JIM: Look, I need your help. 1030 00:58:27,588 --> 00:58:29,505 Nadia's coming back, 1031 00:58:29,590 --> 00:58:31,340 and I don't... 1032 00:58:31,425 --> 00:58:33,885 I don't wanna be this awkward, 1033 00:58:33,969 --> 00:58:36,846 bumbling, nervous guy with her. 1034 00:58:36,930 --> 00:58:38,556 I don't wanna seem like a dork. 1035 00:58:38,849 --> 00:58:40,808 Well, I know that feeling. 1036 00:58:40,893 --> 00:58:43,102 Yeah. Spend your life playing in the band, 1037 00:58:43,187 --> 00:58:47,190 it doesn't exactly give you the ultra-cool hipster image. 1038 00:58:47,274 --> 00:58:48,941 I think you're pretty cool. 1039 00:58:49,651 --> 00:58:50,860 Seriously? 1040 00:58:51,278 --> 00:58:52,403 Yeah. 1041 00:58:55,282 --> 00:58:58,492 Michelle, why did you ditch me after prom? 1042 00:58:58,994 --> 00:59:02,872 I didn't ditch you. I... I just... 1043 00:59:02,956 --> 00:59:04,457 Our date was over. 1044 00:59:05,042 --> 00:59:07,251 I mean, did you want some 1045 00:59:07,336 --> 00:59:10,129 funky, weird, next-morning good-bye? 1046 00:59:11,673 --> 00:59:15,760 It's not like I wanted you to pretend you were in love with me or something. 1047 00:59:16,136 --> 00:59:17,595 Why would I pretend that? 1048 00:59:17,679 --> 00:59:19,138 Guys do that. 1049 00:59:20,682 --> 00:59:24,060 Yeah, well, I'm not like other guys. 1050 00:59:25,312 --> 00:59:26,854 I know. 1051 00:59:27,606 --> 00:59:30,191 Okay, I'm gonna help you. 1052 00:59:30,275 --> 00:59:32,151 Really? 1053 00:59:32,236 --> 00:59:35,071 Yeah, I feel bad for saying that you sucked, 1054 00:59:35,155 --> 00:59:36,656 even though you kind of did. 1055 00:59:38,492 --> 00:59:40,493 Oh. Okay. 1056 00:59:40,702 --> 00:59:42,578 I'm just... 1057 00:59:42,663 --> 00:59:44,872 Let's just get started. Okay. 1058 00:59:44,957 --> 00:59:48,251 Okay. Now, I'm a hot girl. Right. 1059 00:59:48,335 --> 00:59:51,545 Okay, what do you wanna do? I wanna feel your boobs. 1060 00:59:51,630 --> 00:59:53,422 No, you dingbat. 1061 00:59:53,507 --> 00:59:56,384 You don't just go groping away. 1062 00:59:56,468 --> 00:59:59,512 You gotta preheat the oven before you stick in the turkey. 1063 01:00:01,932 --> 01:00:03,349 Okay. 1064 01:00:03,433 --> 01:00:04,850 Kiss me, here. 1065 01:00:11,149 --> 01:00:13,067 Good. Okay, now, 1066 01:00:13,235 --> 01:00:14,819 the collarbone. Kiss. 1067 01:00:19,574 --> 01:00:21,367 Good, Jim. 1068 01:00:22,244 --> 01:00:23,703 Oh, you're making me wet. 1069 01:00:23,745 --> 01:00:27,290 Holy shit. Really? No, I was just saying that so you could practice. 1070 01:00:28,875 --> 01:00:30,418 Of course. 1071 01:00:31,336 --> 01:00:32,962 (WHISTLING) 1072 01:00:33,046 --> 01:00:34,964 MICHELLE: Okay, Jim. That was good. 1073 01:00:35,048 --> 01:00:37,174 Let's work on something else. 1074 01:00:51,898 --> 01:00:55,901 Does direction matter? Like clockwise, counterclockwise, make a difference? 1075 01:00:55,986 --> 01:00:58,446 Okay, Jim, this is what I'm talking about. 1076 01:00:58,572 --> 01:01:02,658 Your main problem is you're so uptight. 1077 01:01:03,577 --> 01:01:07,246 Do I seem uptight about my sexual stuff? No. 1078 01:01:08,123 --> 01:01:10,833 The biggest pointer I could give you is... 1079 01:01:10,917 --> 01:01:14,337 You have to feel comfortable in any situation. 1080 01:01:15,130 --> 01:01:16,881 Stand up. Hmm? 1081 01:01:17,591 --> 01:01:20,051 Stand up. Ohh! 1082 01:01:20,385 --> 01:01:23,679 Now, this is a fucked-up situation. What happened to preheating? 1083 01:01:23,805 --> 01:01:26,599 We're skipping a few chapters. Oh, okay. 1084 01:01:26,767 --> 01:01:30,102 This is good. This is good. Obviously. 1085 01:01:30,187 --> 01:01:31,187 (CHUCKLES) 1086 01:01:31,438 --> 01:01:33,564 Ooh! Gilligan's Island, Mr. Howell. 1087 01:01:33,648 --> 01:01:35,399 What? 1088 01:01:35,567 --> 01:01:39,278 You've got to control yourself and think of something nonsexual. 1089 01:01:39,446 --> 01:01:42,740 I haven't even touched you yet, and you're turning into the Sears Tower. 1090 01:01:43,116 --> 01:01:45,826 I'm sorry. Yeah, uh, nonsexual. 1091 01:01:45,911 --> 01:01:48,621 Right, right. Um, okay. 1092 01:01:49,247 --> 01:01:51,457 Chairs. Chairs. Good. 1093 01:01:51,541 --> 01:01:55,336 Uh, uh... Mastodons. 1094 01:01:55,796 --> 01:01:58,089 Uh, uh... Good. 1095 01:01:58,757 --> 01:02:00,341 Cleaning my bathroom. 1096 01:02:01,551 --> 01:02:03,427 Dung beetles. Good. 1097 01:02:03,595 --> 01:02:05,971 Yeah. Okay. Now, don't freak out. 1098 01:02:06,139 --> 01:02:09,183 I'm gonna do something to push your threshold. Okay... 1099 01:02:09,351 --> 01:02:11,644 Oh, that's cold! What are you doing? 1100 01:02:11,812 --> 01:02:15,147 I just shoved a trumpet in your ass. Aren't instruments fun? 1101 01:02:15,399 --> 01:02:18,567 Okay, I think you've just crossed my threshold. (DOOR RATTLING) 1102 01:02:18,652 --> 01:02:20,194 We gotta go! 1103 01:02:28,787 --> 01:02:32,081 Call me in two weeks. I'll be home then. We can finish lessons. 1104 01:02:32,165 --> 01:02:33,916 Okay. Oh! 1105 01:02:38,588 --> 01:02:40,172 Pointer, less tongue. 1106 01:02:42,467 --> 01:02:46,011 (TRUMPET PLAYING) 1107 01:02:58,692 --> 01:03:01,485 OZZY: What is it? A guest book? Yeah, and look at this entry. 1108 01:03:02,028 --> 01:03:04,405 "Best thing was the blowout at Tom Myers' place. 1109 01:03:04,531 --> 01:03:06,949 There he is. "A night not soon to be forgotten. 1110 01:03:07,033 --> 01:03:09,702 "August '93." It's your brother, man. Look. 1111 01:03:09,786 --> 01:03:11,662 Yeah, his cottage was right down on the beach. 1112 01:03:11,746 --> 01:03:15,207 Guys, this is what our party's gotta be. 1113 01:03:15,375 --> 01:03:18,294 Something we'll always remember, you know? Yes, definitely. 1114 01:03:18,378 --> 01:03:21,338 Absolutely. 1115 01:03:21,423 --> 01:03:22,631 You go fish. 1116 01:03:22,716 --> 01:03:24,258 Finch, we're playing gin. 1117 01:03:25,343 --> 01:03:27,470 Oh. 1118 01:03:27,637 --> 01:03:29,597 Gin. 1119 01:03:49,743 --> 01:03:52,077 (GRUNTING) 1120 01:03:53,246 --> 01:03:54,246 Huh! 1121 01:04:20,941 --> 01:04:24,401 What the fuck? (GROANS) 1122 01:05:01,815 --> 01:05:03,440 "Dear Jim, 1123 01:05:04,693 --> 01:05:08,404 "Chicago is beautiful, but it would be better if you were here. 1124 01:05:08,863 --> 01:05:11,532 "I'm counting the days. Love, Nadia." 1125 01:05:14,369 --> 01:05:17,037 Well, I wish you were here, Nadia. 1126 01:05:40,061 --> 01:05:42,187 (WOMAN MOANING) 1127 01:05:45,317 --> 01:05:47,901 Have you been dirty? Oh, yes, baby. 1128 01:05:48,028 --> 01:05:52,489 I've been dirty. Do you want me to clean you? 1129 01:05:52,574 --> 01:05:55,618 "Apply a few drops to achieve desired lubrication." 1130 01:05:56,620 --> 01:05:57,870 All right. 1131 01:06:02,208 --> 01:06:05,794 Is that a loofah, or are you just glad to see me? 1132 01:06:05,879 --> 01:06:08,088 Oh, what the hell. 1133 01:06:21,227 --> 01:06:24,229 (MOANING CONTINUES) 1134 01:06:26,650 --> 01:06:28,651 Shit. 1135 01:06:29,944 --> 01:06:31,612 Ohh! 1136 01:06:32,572 --> 01:06:34,365 Dear God! 1137 01:06:35,200 --> 01:06:37,034 I been missin' out. 1138 01:06:37,535 --> 01:06:39,161 (WOMAN MOANING) 1139 01:06:44,918 --> 01:06:46,293 Uh-oh. 1140 01:06:47,420 --> 01:06:48,962 Ow. 1141 01:06:55,428 --> 01:06:58,097 Oh. Oh, shit! Ah! 1142 01:07:03,436 --> 01:07:04,603 Oh, shit! 1143 01:07:04,854 --> 01:07:07,481 (RIPPING SOUND) Oh! Ow! Jeez... 1144 01:07:10,652 --> 01:07:13,445 OZZY: Everybody okay? I'm fine. 1145 01:07:13,613 --> 01:07:15,489 I'm fine. Everything's fine. 1146 01:07:15,657 --> 01:07:18,200 STEVE: Shut the fuck up, or I'll break down this door and pummel your ass! 1147 01:07:18,284 --> 01:07:20,953 No, don't come in here. I'm fine. Everything... 1148 01:07:21,037 --> 01:07:23,497 I just fell out of the bed. Okay, good night, then. KEVIN: You sure? 1149 01:07:23,581 --> 01:07:26,166 KEVIN: Okay. We'll see you in the morning. Uh, night. 1150 01:07:34,801 --> 01:07:39,138 Oh! 1151 01:07:40,181 --> 01:07:43,142 Shit! Oh, shit! 1152 01:07:48,064 --> 01:07:50,065 Aah! (RIPPING) 1153 01:07:50,150 --> 01:07:52,609 Ow! Aah! 1154 01:07:59,576 --> 01:08:01,827 (RIPPING) Ow! 1155 01:08:06,666 --> 01:08:08,834 MAN ON PHONE: Poison control. Hello? 1156 01:08:09,002 --> 01:08:11,086 Uh, hi, hi. 1157 01:08:11,171 --> 01:08:15,090 Uh, yeah. Yeah, I kind of, uh, 1158 01:08:15,175 --> 01:08:17,676 uh, Super Glued myself 1159 01:08:17,844 --> 01:08:20,471 to, uh, myself. 1160 01:08:20,972 --> 01:08:23,557 No. Uh, no. 1161 01:08:23,641 --> 01:08:25,851 Ow. Don't, uh, don't send an ambulance. 1162 01:08:26,019 --> 01:08:30,063 Look, is there anything, uh, you know, around the house? 1163 01:08:33,693 --> 01:08:35,027 Paint thinner. 1164 01:09:17,070 --> 01:09:18,570 David? 1165 01:09:31,584 --> 01:09:32,960 Shit. 1166 01:09:36,840 --> 01:09:39,341 (SIREN BLARING) 1167 01:09:39,425 --> 01:09:41,677 Don't move! Stay where you are! 1168 01:09:42,428 --> 01:09:44,596 Hands where we can see 'em! 1169 01:09:44,931 --> 01:09:47,724 Both hands! Get the other hand up, goddamn it! 1170 01:09:49,602 --> 01:09:51,353 I can't! I can't! I'm glued! 1171 01:09:51,437 --> 01:09:55,440 I'm glued! Sorry. 1172 01:09:55,942 --> 01:09:58,360 Relax your hands. 1173 01:09:58,444 --> 01:10:00,445 I'll take it from here, okay? 1174 01:10:01,781 --> 01:10:03,532 OZZY: Don't worry, Jimbo. You're gonna be fine, buddy. 1175 01:10:03,616 --> 01:10:06,243 Jim, this happens to the best of us. 1176 01:10:11,165 --> 01:10:14,251 Left foot first. Easy does it. Good. 1177 01:10:14,919 --> 01:10:17,713 Watch your head. All right. Take a seat. 1178 01:10:17,797 --> 01:10:19,131 Ahh! 1179 01:10:19,632 --> 01:10:21,967 Excuse me, sir. Are you a family member? 1180 01:10:22,260 --> 01:10:24,887 Fuck, no! This is just too good to miss! 1181 01:10:24,971 --> 01:10:28,307 Okay, sir, you're just gonna have to wait here. All right? 1182 01:10:33,688 --> 01:10:37,524 (CHUCKLING) This summer's turning out to be great. 1183 01:10:52,582 --> 01:10:56,335 Mucilage is, um, dangerous territory. 1184 01:10:56,461 --> 01:11:00,923 And I would think any adhesive product 1185 01:11:01,132 --> 01:11:04,343 would have a warning right on the... On the tube. 1186 01:11:05,178 --> 01:11:08,138 I thought it was, uh, uh, lubricant. 1187 01:11:08,514 --> 01:11:11,850 Okay, I was trying to use lubricant. 1188 01:11:12,602 --> 01:11:16,647 Oh. 1189 01:11:18,858 --> 01:11:22,152 Son, couldn't you have left that disgusting thing at home? 1190 01:11:23,237 --> 01:11:24,529 Excuse me? 1191 01:11:25,281 --> 01:11:28,659 Well, that kind of material is offensive to me. 1192 01:11:29,160 --> 01:11:31,995 (SARCASTICALLY) Oh, well, we're sorry. 1193 01:11:33,456 --> 01:11:36,375 But you see, my son couldn't leave it at home 1194 01:11:36,459 --> 01:11:39,836 because he's having a bit of a medical emergency. 1195 01:11:39,921 --> 01:11:41,213 That's right. Thanks, Dad. 1196 01:11:41,297 --> 01:11:44,091 Your opinion of his taste in video rentals, I'm afraid, 1197 01:11:44,175 --> 01:11:46,218 is, uh, not a priority, lady. 1198 01:11:46,302 --> 01:11:50,180 Dad... Okay? It's at the bottom of the totem pole. 1199 01:11:50,556 --> 01:11:51,765 Okay? 1200 01:11:53,101 --> 01:11:55,018 (WHISPERING) Thank you, Dad. Okay. 1201 01:11:55,103 --> 01:11:58,981 My son is sitting here right now 1202 01:11:59,065 --> 01:12:01,692 with his hand glued to his penis. 1203 01:12:03,152 --> 01:12:05,654 But that doesn't mean anything to you, does it? 1204 01:12:05,738 --> 01:12:07,990 Because you don't have a penis. 1205 01:12:08,157 --> 01:12:09,908 Or maybe you do! Dad... 1206 01:12:10,034 --> 01:12:12,703 Sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Ow! 1207 01:12:12,787 --> 01:12:17,165 You know, it just bugs me when people speak before they think. 1208 01:12:17,750 --> 01:12:19,960 You know, they speak... 1209 01:12:25,466 --> 01:12:26,925 How you doin', son? 1210 01:12:27,010 --> 01:12:28,427 I've been better. Ah. 1211 01:12:31,556 --> 01:12:34,182 NOAH: Boy, that doesn't look too bad, Jim. 1212 01:12:34,851 --> 01:12:36,309 Good job, Doctor. 1213 01:12:36,394 --> 01:12:39,271 The swelling should subside in about eight or nine days. 1214 01:12:39,439 --> 01:12:41,606 Eight or... Eight or nine... 1215 01:12:43,443 --> 01:12:46,069 Beach party's in a week. Nadia's coming. 1216 01:12:46,821 --> 01:12:49,698 Oh. Oh. 1217 01:12:50,366 --> 01:12:53,410 Doctor, my son has a party in seven days, 1218 01:12:53,494 --> 01:12:55,662 and there's a young lady coming 1219 01:12:55,747 --> 01:12:58,081 that he's been waiting to... 1220 01:12:59,625 --> 01:13:02,127 He's been waiting to get with. 1221 01:13:02,462 --> 01:13:05,630 I'd tell your son to keep his pants on during that party. 1222 01:13:05,965 --> 01:13:09,551 Oh, yes, yes. Believe me, I will be doing that. It goes without saying. 1223 01:13:09,635 --> 01:13:12,095 But if his pants 1224 01:13:12,263 --> 01:13:14,765 decide to come off during the party, 1225 01:13:15,099 --> 01:13:17,684 could he have full use of his, 1226 01:13:18,311 --> 01:13:21,396 um, penis? 1227 01:13:22,190 --> 01:13:23,607 Okay. 1228 01:13:26,152 --> 01:13:27,986 This should shave a couple of days off. 1229 01:13:28,404 --> 01:13:30,197 Oh, good. 1230 01:13:30,990 --> 01:13:32,866 Thank you, Doctor. 1231 01:13:32,950 --> 01:13:34,159 Jim, 1232 01:13:35,369 --> 01:13:37,412 that's good news. 1233 01:13:38,331 --> 01:13:41,458 This has been a good-news day, son. Here. Put this on. 1234 01:13:42,085 --> 01:13:43,418 Little chilly out there. 1235 01:13:45,922 --> 01:13:47,714 Well, here we are. 1236 01:13:49,008 --> 01:13:50,675 You know, Jim, um, 1237 01:13:50,760 --> 01:13:54,387 I think we should keep your mother in the dark about the incident tonight. 1238 01:13:54,555 --> 01:13:57,891 I think the whole glue thing might get her a little queasy. 1239 01:13:58,768 --> 01:14:01,478 I don't know how I get myself into these things. 1240 01:14:05,942 --> 01:14:07,567 But thanks for understanding. 1241 01:14:07,902 --> 01:14:10,362 You've been really cool. 1242 01:14:10,446 --> 01:14:12,405 I mean, between this and, 1243 01:14:12,782 --> 01:14:14,241 you know... 1244 01:14:16,327 --> 01:14:20,205 You know, you may be Jimbo or Jumbo 1245 01:14:20,289 --> 01:14:23,333 or Jimbodinny to these guys in here, 1246 01:14:23,501 --> 01:14:26,461 but I want you to know there are two people 1247 01:14:26,546 --> 01:14:29,714 who still remember where James Emanuel Levenstein came from. 1248 01:14:32,009 --> 01:14:34,052 We're awful proud of you, son. 1249 01:14:36,013 --> 01:14:37,305 Thanks, Dad. 1250 01:14:37,974 --> 01:14:39,599 Don't forget your penis cream. 1251 01:14:46,232 --> 01:14:50,110 (FINCH HUMMING) 1252 01:14:53,906 --> 01:14:56,616 (MOANING) 1253 01:14:59,954 --> 01:15:01,913 FINCH: That was it. 1254 01:15:02,331 --> 01:15:05,959 Right there. That was a pure tantric moment. 1255 01:15:07,003 --> 01:15:09,754 The ficus, the water... It was all erotic. 1256 01:15:10,590 --> 01:15:14,759 One more stimulant, I would have had full release. 1257 01:15:15,052 --> 01:15:19,181 Finch, stay the fuck away from that ficus. 1258 01:15:19,265 --> 01:15:22,893 That's a jizz-free ficus. (DAZED CHUCKLE) 1259 01:15:23,686 --> 01:15:27,230 There he is. Morning, Jimbo. How's the twig and giggleberries, man? 1260 01:15:27,315 --> 01:15:30,609 Oh, very colorful. My dick looks like a paint-by-numbers. 1261 01:15:31,611 --> 01:15:36,198 (CHUCKLES) Jim, you're the only guy I know whose dick needs an instruction manual. 1262 01:15:36,282 --> 01:15:38,617 (LAUGHING) (PHONE RINGS) 1263 01:15:41,370 --> 01:15:42,913 Casa de Stifler. 1264 01:15:44,290 --> 01:15:45,957 Oh, hey. 1265 01:15:47,126 --> 01:15:50,503 What, you're here now? No, that's cool. 1266 01:15:50,713 --> 01:15:53,131 You know, if you want to hang out with these guys. 1267 01:15:53,382 --> 01:15:55,383 Okay, then. I'll meet you out front. 1268 01:15:58,221 --> 01:15:59,596 Hey, Stifler, was that... 1269 01:15:59,680 --> 01:16:01,264 Eat shit, Shitbreak. 1270 01:16:03,100 --> 01:16:06,144 (DOOR CLOSES) She's here. 1271 01:16:08,648 --> 01:16:10,482 My lady has arrived. 1272 01:16:13,653 --> 01:16:15,111 I gotta prepare. 1273 01:16:15,196 --> 01:16:18,073 Here we go. Great. Stifler's mom is here? 1274 01:16:18,157 --> 01:16:20,283 This could be a disaster. 1275 01:16:20,451 --> 01:16:22,327 OZZY: Whoa. 1276 01:16:22,828 --> 01:16:25,288 Not unless Stifler's mom drives a moped. 1277 01:16:25,498 --> 01:16:26,790 Moped? 1278 01:16:29,961 --> 01:16:33,421 Fuckers, fuckers, fuckers. How you doin', boys? 1279 01:16:34,006 --> 01:16:36,716 That's Stifler's little brother. What are you doing here? 1280 01:16:36,801 --> 01:16:39,469 Pussy, man. I'm here for the pussy. 1281 01:16:39,762 --> 01:16:41,304 Take a number. 1282 01:16:41,430 --> 01:16:45,100 Gentlemen, why all the noise? Everybody knows that this is my special day. 1283 01:16:45,184 --> 01:16:46,268 What is that? 1284 01:16:46,352 --> 01:16:49,187 Is that a fuckin' dress? Are you wearing a dress? 1285 01:16:49,689 --> 01:16:52,107 Shitbreak, meet my little brother. 1286 01:16:52,525 --> 01:16:54,359 Little brother, meet Shitbreak. 1287 01:16:55,486 --> 01:16:57,654 That's your brother? Yes. 1288 01:17:00,366 --> 01:17:02,534 My lady's not coming. 1289 01:17:03,995 --> 01:17:08,915 So my entire stockpile is wasted, 1290 01:17:09,000 --> 01:17:11,376 and I look ridiculous! 1291 01:17:12,920 --> 01:17:14,963 Excuse me. 1292 01:17:18,968 --> 01:17:20,135 (YELLS) 1293 01:17:20,386 --> 01:17:22,220 That didn't look too good. No. 1294 01:17:22,972 --> 01:17:26,558 Let's go find your room. Dude, where are the fuckin' females? 1295 01:17:30,604 --> 01:17:32,731 I can't believe I finally got you alone. 1296 01:17:32,815 --> 01:17:35,066 That only took, what, six weeks? 1297 01:17:36,110 --> 01:17:38,862 So, uh, are you alone too? 1298 01:17:39,155 --> 01:17:41,406 Yep. Good. 1299 01:17:41,907 --> 01:17:44,409 I'm all alone. 1300 01:17:45,161 --> 01:17:48,121 Guess what I had in mind? (CHATTERING) 1301 01:17:51,208 --> 01:17:53,543 Hey, Marco, can you get your balls off me? 1302 01:17:54,587 --> 01:17:56,755 Thanks. Heather, what the hell's going on over there? 1303 01:17:57,089 --> 01:18:00,467 Uh, nothing. It's just my flatmates. 1304 01:18:01,135 --> 01:18:03,303 I guess this is kind of a lost cause, huh? 1305 01:18:03,429 --> 01:18:06,348 Yeah, I guess so. I can't wait. See ya this weekend? 1306 01:18:06,432 --> 01:18:09,267 I can't wait either. Bye-bye. 1307 01:18:13,356 --> 01:18:16,024 Surprise! Holy... Nadia! 1308 01:18:16,734 --> 01:18:19,611 You're here? You're here. What are you doing here? 1309 01:18:19,987 --> 01:18:21,863 Jim, I got so tired of sightseeing. 1310 01:18:22,239 --> 01:18:24,324 But you're... You're early. 1311 01:18:24,950 --> 01:18:27,911 Okay. Nice to know you. 1312 01:18:27,995 --> 01:18:30,538 I will leave. No! 1313 01:18:31,082 --> 01:18:34,167 No. Uh, don't... Don't leave. 1314 01:18:34,251 --> 01:18:36,294 Don't leave. No leaving. 1315 01:18:36,462 --> 01:18:37,962 Uh, no. Uh... 1316 01:18:39,924 --> 01:18:43,218 It's just, I'm not gonna be ready... 1317 01:18:44,136 --> 01:18:48,139 I mean, the party won't be ready, uh, until Saturday. 1318 01:18:49,433 --> 01:18:52,227 I can stay here until then? 1319 01:18:52,311 --> 01:18:54,145 Yeah. 1320 01:18:55,106 --> 01:18:57,440 I'm gonna be right back. Is that okay? 1321 01:18:57,525 --> 01:18:59,317 Okay. Nadia. 1322 01:18:59,985 --> 01:19:02,821 Who's in my room. Now. Holy shit. 1323 01:19:04,824 --> 01:19:06,741 MICHELLE: All right, I've got a plan. 1324 01:19:06,909 --> 01:19:09,869 Okay. How about I come back with you 1325 01:19:10,162 --> 01:19:13,456 and you say, "Hello, this is Michelle, my girlfriend." 1326 01:19:13,541 --> 01:19:17,043 And obviously, Nadia won't expect you to hop in the sack. 1327 01:19:17,420 --> 01:19:20,588 And then we break up the day of the party. 1328 01:19:20,673 --> 01:19:22,882 And you're all healed and back on the market. 1329 01:19:24,135 --> 01:19:25,427 You're evil. 1330 01:19:25,511 --> 01:19:26,636 No way! 1331 01:19:26,804 --> 01:19:28,805 I'm like Cupid. 1332 01:19:29,181 --> 01:19:31,516 And I know how to make a girl jealous. 1333 01:19:31,892 --> 01:19:33,476 This is gonna be fun. 1334 01:19:33,853 --> 01:19:35,770 JIM: I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, 1335 01:19:35,855 --> 01:19:38,106 but we just started seeing each other a few weeks ago. 1336 01:19:39,358 --> 01:19:44,362 Um... But I'd really love it if you stayed here. 1337 01:19:44,530 --> 01:19:47,323 I think you should stay and have fun at the party. 1338 01:19:47,575 --> 01:19:51,035 Good for you, Jim. Of course I will stay. 1339 01:19:51,287 --> 01:19:54,456 That's great... Ah! That's my nipples! 1340 01:19:54,540 --> 01:19:56,624 She just loves my nipples. 1341 01:21:26,674 --> 01:21:29,217 JIM: Oh, no. 1342 01:21:29,677 --> 01:21:32,470 Oh, my God. You still broken? 1343 01:21:33,013 --> 01:21:34,180 No. 1344 01:21:34,974 --> 01:21:36,266 I'm fine. 1345 01:21:36,350 --> 01:21:39,769 I might have to actually go through with this. 1346 01:21:42,314 --> 01:21:45,483 Jim, what's the big deal with Nadia, anyway? 1347 01:21:45,776 --> 01:21:49,571 I mean, okay, so she's 50,000 times hotter 1348 01:21:49,655 --> 01:21:51,447 than most girls, but... 1349 01:21:51,532 --> 01:21:53,575 Come on, it's just sex. 1350 01:21:54,660 --> 01:21:55,827 Oh, no. 1351 01:21:56,287 --> 01:21:58,246 You saw the thing on the Internet. 1352 01:21:58,414 --> 01:22:00,582 Did it look like I might have had 1353 01:22:00,666 --> 01:22:03,418 a slight interest in Nadia then? 1354 01:22:05,004 --> 01:22:06,588 Add another year to that. 1355 01:22:07,172 --> 01:22:08,715 Okay. 1356 01:22:09,758 --> 01:22:14,762 Hey, why don't you bring Nadia to the concert first? It'll be a cool date. 1357 01:22:15,806 --> 01:22:17,599 We'll see how things go. 1358 01:22:22,855 --> 01:22:26,608 Michelle, you have been great. 1359 01:22:26,692 --> 01:22:28,526 Thank you. 1360 01:22:28,611 --> 01:22:30,028 Anytime. 1361 01:22:37,328 --> 01:22:38,870 Come on. 1362 01:22:42,249 --> 01:22:44,250 You ready to break up? 1363 01:22:44,335 --> 01:22:46,586 You big, stupid dummy! 1364 01:22:46,754 --> 01:22:48,838 Theater is so cool! 1365 01:22:49,298 --> 01:22:52,383 MICHELLE: I don't care if you are the best lay I've ever had in my life. 1366 01:22:52,718 --> 01:22:55,595 I hate your guts anyway. Don't say that. 1367 01:22:56,555 --> 01:23:00,808 And I don't care if you did give me ten orgasms in a row, 1368 01:23:00,893 --> 01:23:03,227 because you smell really bad. 1369 01:23:05,105 --> 01:23:07,649 No! I smell really bad! 1370 01:23:07,733 --> 01:23:10,818 Because we've been having so much sex, and... 1371 01:23:10,903 --> 01:23:14,614 And I haven't showered, and I wanna shower! 1372 01:23:16,283 --> 01:23:20,119 So, don't you go being all super-sexy guy anymore, 1373 01:23:20,204 --> 01:23:22,747 because I am now impervious 1374 01:23:22,831 --> 01:23:26,167 to your unrelenting machismo and sexual ardor. 1375 01:23:27,252 --> 01:23:30,880 And that includes fucking me in the ass! So there! 1376 01:23:38,555 --> 01:23:40,765 We had something special. 1377 01:23:58,784 --> 01:24:00,868 (CAR ENGINE STARTS) 1378 01:24:17,052 --> 01:24:19,137 What's up? What's up, dog? 1379 01:24:22,141 --> 01:24:24,308 Vicky. Hey. Hey. 1380 01:24:24,560 --> 01:24:26,894 I'm so glad you came. You want something to drink or... 1381 01:24:26,979 --> 01:24:27,979 Hey. 1382 01:24:28,522 --> 01:24:29,605 Can I help you? 1383 01:24:30,983 --> 01:24:33,818 Kevin. That's my date. What? 1384 01:24:49,168 --> 01:24:51,335 You... You saved them all. 1385 01:24:52,171 --> 01:24:53,504 How sweet. 1386 01:24:54,506 --> 01:24:56,174 You don't think I'm a dork? 1387 01:24:59,011 --> 01:25:03,514 Whatever you are, Jim, it is what I like. 1388 01:25:05,559 --> 01:25:07,518 Kevin left. Didn't look good. 1389 01:25:08,228 --> 01:25:09,353 Kevin left? 1390 01:25:10,355 --> 01:25:11,856 Just wandered down the beach. 1391 01:25:16,195 --> 01:25:17,945 You okay, Kev? 1392 01:25:21,283 --> 01:25:23,326 Wanna tell us what's up? 1393 01:25:25,078 --> 01:25:26,871 Wanna feel Finch's ass? 1394 01:25:31,126 --> 01:25:34,045 No, I... I went to say hi to Vicky, 1395 01:25:34,129 --> 01:25:36,839 and she was there with a date. 1396 01:25:37,216 --> 01:25:39,842 You hooked up with three girls this year. You're doing fine. 1397 01:25:40,177 --> 01:25:41,636 Rule of three, Oz. 1398 01:25:47,559 --> 01:25:50,895 I guess I was living in the past, wanting to party with you guys 1399 01:25:50,979 --> 01:25:53,189 and be with Vicky, it's just like high school. 1400 01:25:53,732 --> 01:25:55,733 You remember that day after prom? 1401 01:25:56,235 --> 01:25:59,153 You know, we made a toast to the next step. 1402 01:25:59,947 --> 01:26:02,031 I guess I never took it. 1403 01:26:04,743 --> 01:26:08,287 My brother said that by the end of the summer I'd see the big picture. 1404 01:26:09,122 --> 01:26:10,623 And I see it. 1405 01:26:10,707 --> 01:26:13,918 No matter what, times change and things are different. 1406 01:26:14,586 --> 01:26:17,505 The problem is, I don't want them to be. 1407 01:26:18,090 --> 01:26:19,632 You know, Kevin, I haven't moved on either. 1408 01:26:20,008 --> 01:26:24,095 I've been obsessed with the one woman I can't have a real future with, 1409 01:26:24,471 --> 01:26:28,266 other than a very kinky, extremely warped one. 1410 01:26:30,018 --> 01:26:32,436 I gotta find a new goddess. 1411 01:26:33,438 --> 01:26:37,024 It's gonna take patience, but I've been celibate all summer. 1412 01:26:37,860 --> 01:26:39,569 Yeah, you kinda get used to it, though, huh? 1413 01:26:39,945 --> 01:26:41,153 Are you insane? 1414 01:26:43,699 --> 01:26:48,119 Hey, look, Kev, different does not necessarily mean worse. 1415 01:26:48,203 --> 01:26:51,330 As a matter of fact, I think things are just getting better. 1416 01:26:51,415 --> 01:26:54,292 Or am I gonna have to drag your ass back to that party and prove it to you? 1417 01:26:55,460 --> 01:26:56,836 I'll walk. 1418 01:27:12,019 --> 01:27:13,895 Wow! 1419 01:27:13,979 --> 01:27:16,981 You know, you have beautiful eyes. 1420 01:27:17,357 --> 01:27:19,066 Oh, you're sweet. 1421 01:27:19,818 --> 01:27:21,402 That's a really nice top. 1422 01:27:22,070 --> 01:27:24,739 Oh. Thanks. You're welcome. 1423 01:27:24,823 --> 01:27:27,992 Wanna fuck? Are you serious? 1424 01:27:28,410 --> 01:27:31,370 Come on, baby. Give it to the Stifmeister. 1425 01:27:31,872 --> 01:27:34,165 I think you better... Your loss. 1426 01:27:34,583 --> 01:27:37,418 Wow. You know, you have beautiful eyes. 1427 01:27:37,502 --> 01:27:41,005 Come here, dude. Come on. You're making an ass out of yourself. 1428 01:27:41,381 --> 01:27:44,592 You're ruining my mojo. And you're not the Stifmeister, okay? 1429 01:27:44,676 --> 01:27:47,011 It takes years to develop true Stifmeister style. 1430 01:27:47,179 --> 01:27:50,389 Come on, man! I just wanna see some boobs. 1431 01:27:50,557 --> 01:27:52,391 Hey, Pop-Tart. Dream on, midget. 1432 01:27:52,476 --> 01:27:56,103 Excuse him. Come here. Take this. You're on cop watch. 1433 01:27:56,188 --> 01:27:58,314 Go out in the driveway. See any cops, call me, okay? 1434 01:27:58,398 --> 01:28:00,858 Steve... All right. 1435 01:28:10,786 --> 01:28:14,497 Gentlemen, uh, this appears to be a party. 1436 01:28:18,043 --> 01:28:21,253 Guys, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go look for Nadia. 1437 01:28:21,338 --> 01:28:23,547 Good luck. 1438 01:28:23,840 --> 01:28:25,883 Ahh. 1439 01:28:26,385 --> 01:28:28,719 JIM: So what was this year like for you? 1440 01:28:28,804 --> 01:28:30,888 Did you miss high school? 1441 01:28:31,056 --> 01:28:34,892 Well, no. When you travel as much as I do, 1442 01:28:34,977 --> 01:28:37,895 you get used to moving on. 1443 01:28:38,230 --> 01:28:40,106 But I have great memories. 1444 01:28:44,361 --> 01:28:47,238 Wow, can we go in there? The lighthouse? 1445 01:28:47,572 --> 01:28:48,906 Yeah. 1446 01:28:50,492 --> 01:28:52,326 Yes. 1447 01:28:52,411 --> 01:28:54,245 Yes, we can. 1448 01:28:54,413 --> 01:28:56,455 How romantic. 1449 01:28:58,750 --> 01:29:00,251 Jim, come on. 1450 01:29:11,596 --> 01:29:15,641 Wow! 1451 01:29:17,310 --> 01:29:20,271 Oh, it's beautiful! 1452 01:29:20,856 --> 01:29:22,940 Cool! 1453 01:29:24,818 --> 01:29:29,030 Jim, I have told you my memories from high school. 1454 01:29:29,114 --> 01:29:30,948 What are yours? 1455 01:29:31,116 --> 01:29:32,992 Oh, uh... 1456 01:29:33,577 --> 01:29:37,663 Well, uh, you. 1457 01:29:38,582 --> 01:29:40,041 You have not changed. 1458 01:29:44,838 --> 01:29:46,422 Jim, relax. 1459 01:29:48,050 --> 01:29:52,386 We are just, how do you say, tooting our horns. 1460 01:29:53,388 --> 01:29:55,306 Actually, that is quite difficult. 1461 01:29:55,390 --> 01:29:56,932 How do you mean? 1462 01:29:57,559 --> 01:30:00,728 Well, this one time at band camp, 1463 01:30:00,812 --> 01:30:02,855 I... 1464 01:30:06,359 --> 01:30:07,818 Holy shit. 1465 01:30:09,863 --> 01:30:11,697 What? Tell me. 1466 01:30:12,657 --> 01:30:14,116 Uh, well, uh, 1467 01:30:14,201 --> 01:30:16,911 this one time at band camp, 1468 01:30:17,829 --> 01:30:19,789 I got stuck playing this trombone. 1469 01:30:19,873 --> 01:30:23,125 And I can't play anything at all. So I totally sucked. 1470 01:30:23,210 --> 01:30:25,044 And everyone thought I was this Petey guy, 1471 01:30:25,128 --> 01:30:28,089 but I didn't know what to think, so I just kept playing and playing, 1472 01:30:28,173 --> 01:30:30,091 and I didn't know what I was doing. 1473 01:30:30,175 --> 01:30:32,384 It was so funny! (CHUCKLING) 1474 01:30:33,345 --> 01:30:35,346 I gotta go. What? Why? 1475 01:30:37,432 --> 01:30:39,100 Nadia, 1476 01:30:39,643 --> 01:30:41,519 please don't take this the wrong way, 1477 01:30:41,603 --> 01:30:43,813 but, but you're... 1478 01:30:44,439 --> 01:30:47,191 You're everything that I used to want. 1479 01:30:47,818 --> 01:30:50,152 And as much as I may really, 1480 01:30:50,821 --> 01:30:53,572 really regret what I'm about to do, 1481 01:30:55,700 --> 01:30:57,368 there's somebody else I want to be with. 1482 01:30:58,328 --> 01:31:00,538 You want the band geek? 1483 01:31:00,956 --> 01:31:04,834 Nadia, I am a band geek. 1484 01:31:06,169 --> 01:31:08,712 I just never joined the band. 1485 01:31:13,677 --> 01:31:15,177 You go get your geek. 1486 01:31:17,264 --> 01:31:18,931 Someday I will find mine. 1487 01:31:37,993 --> 01:31:40,161 Hey, um, Kevin Myers. 1488 01:31:41,580 --> 01:31:43,998 Hi. Sorry I was a dick before. 1489 01:31:44,082 --> 01:31:46,375 It's okay, man. My name's Brett. 1490 01:31:46,501 --> 01:31:49,545 Uh, could you give us a sec? Sure. 1491 01:31:50,755 --> 01:31:52,882 Look, you don't have to do this. 1492 01:31:53,341 --> 01:31:55,593 Maybe I was being selfish 1493 01:31:56,178 --> 01:31:58,929 in wanting to be your friend. 1494 01:31:59,055 --> 01:32:01,932 Maybe it's just not gonna work. Victoria, 1495 01:32:02,267 --> 01:32:05,561 I would much rather have you as a friend than not have you in my life at all. 1496 01:32:13,945 --> 01:32:16,739 (JIM WHOOPING) 1497 01:32:17,282 --> 01:32:20,784 Yeah! Party on! 1498 01:32:20,869 --> 01:32:22,995 Yeah! Yeah! 1499 01:32:26,708 --> 01:32:30,586 I don't know. From the lighthouse all the way... Hey, handsome. 1500 01:32:33,048 --> 01:32:36,967 Heather! Hey. Hi. 1501 01:32:37,719 --> 01:32:38,719 What are you doing here? 1502 01:32:38,803 --> 01:32:41,013 I was gonna pick you up at the airport in, like, two hours. 1503 01:32:41,097 --> 01:32:43,265 I took an earlier flight, and I thought I'd surprise you. 1504 01:32:43,642 --> 01:32:47,645 Yeah, you did. Kinda weird without the phone, huh? 1505 01:32:48,271 --> 01:32:49,647 We'll get used to it. 1506 01:32:49,940 --> 01:32:53,108 Come on. I wanna hear all about it. We'll grab you a drink. 1507 01:32:54,069 --> 01:32:56,737 Steve, this cop-watch thing is horseshit. 1508 01:32:57,155 --> 01:32:59,823 Hello? 1509 01:33:00,242 --> 01:33:02,451 Man, this sucks. 1510 01:33:02,535 --> 01:33:04,662 AMBER: Who is it out there? 1511 01:33:08,166 --> 01:33:10,417 It's the Stifmeister, baby. 1512 01:33:10,710 --> 01:33:12,503 DANIELLE: Is that so? 1513 01:33:16,967 --> 01:33:18,968 Life's a bitch, isn't it? 1514 01:33:21,554 --> 01:33:24,848 It's all right. You don't have to say anything. 1515 01:33:25,016 --> 01:33:27,226 I'm used to girls ignoring me. 1516 01:33:27,519 --> 01:33:29,144 Or making fun of me. 1517 01:33:29,229 --> 01:33:31,480 "Come on, Sherman. Be the Sherminator." 1518 01:33:33,191 --> 01:33:36,193 Like the movie. How clever. 1519 01:33:36,569 --> 01:33:38,696 I get it, okay? 1520 01:33:40,115 --> 01:33:41,365 Maybe I am a geek. 1521 01:33:42,117 --> 01:33:43,367 Whatever. 1522 01:33:46,121 --> 01:33:48,831 Yes! Yes, you are! 1523 01:33:51,626 --> 01:33:53,669 All right. 1524 01:33:55,630 --> 01:33:59,049 I am the Sherminator. Ohh! 1525 01:33:59,551 --> 01:34:02,803 A sophisticated sex robot sent back through time 1526 01:34:02,887 --> 01:34:05,306 to change the future for one lucky lady. 1527 01:34:06,349 --> 01:34:08,225 I am lucky lady? 1528 01:34:08,560 --> 01:34:13,105 That's right, Nadia. You've been targeted for Shermination. 1529 01:34:13,565 --> 01:34:15,816 Come with me if you want to live. 1530 01:34:15,900 --> 01:34:18,527 Oh! Oh, no! 1531 01:34:19,696 --> 01:34:20,779 Help! 1532 01:34:23,241 --> 01:34:26,994 Ohh! Fuck me, geek! Affirmative! 1533 01:34:27,370 --> 01:34:29,955 No fuckin' way! 1534 01:34:36,546 --> 01:34:39,923 Forget it. Like you have a chance. 1535 01:34:54,564 --> 01:34:56,607 Cheers, bud. 1536 01:35:02,155 --> 01:35:04,698 Hey, Steve, look what I found. 1537 01:35:04,783 --> 01:35:07,409 Dude, don't touch the shirt. Just look. 1538 01:35:10,413 --> 01:35:11,580 Hi. Hey, there. 1539 01:35:12,123 --> 01:35:14,625 Brilliant. You found lesbians. 1540 01:35:15,126 --> 01:35:18,670 (SCOFFS) Good luck trying to break through that force field. 1541 01:35:18,797 --> 01:35:22,299 Lesbians? We never said that. 1542 01:35:28,139 --> 01:35:30,474 What? We never said that. 1543 01:35:32,644 --> 01:35:35,312 Oh. Oh, man. 1544 01:35:37,023 --> 01:35:41,026 I will do anything, anything to sleep with you chicks. 1545 01:35:41,486 --> 01:35:45,280 Okay? I'll grab every guy's ass in this room. 1546 01:35:45,657 --> 01:35:49,243 I'll caress it, even. I'll shave some ass if they need it. 1547 01:35:49,327 --> 01:35:50,994 Oh, yeah. You heard me. 1548 01:35:51,329 --> 01:35:56,333 It's true. I'll kiss everybody here. Dudes, chicks, everybody. 1549 01:35:56,835 --> 01:36:00,003 Because I am comfortable with my sexuality. 1550 01:36:00,380 --> 01:36:01,839 Oh, yeah. 1551 01:36:04,175 --> 01:36:06,385 At least have a drink with the Stifmeister. 1552 01:36:07,512 --> 01:36:09,555 All right. That's fair. 1553 01:36:11,391 --> 01:36:13,016 All right. 1554 01:36:15,437 --> 01:36:17,229 You truly are a Stifmeister. 1555 01:36:17,939 --> 01:36:19,356 Welcome back to the party. 1556 01:36:19,441 --> 01:36:21,775 Steve, those are my lesbians. Oh, ladies. 1557 01:36:21,860 --> 01:36:24,027 Ladies, I am down with the funky shit. 1558 01:36:24,154 --> 01:36:27,406 Like what? One time at this party, I was drinking champagne... 1559 01:36:28,533 --> 01:36:29,533 (APPLAUSE) 1560 01:36:30,368 --> 01:36:31,994 Thank you. Thank you. 1561 01:36:32,412 --> 01:36:35,456 Our next soloist will be Michelle Flaherty. 1562 01:36:35,540 --> 01:36:38,542 (APPLAUSE) 1563 01:36:48,887 --> 01:36:54,224 (PLAYING FLUTE) 1564 01:36:58,938 --> 01:37:00,439 (HONKING) 1565 01:37:04,652 --> 01:37:06,028 Petey? 1566 01:37:10,867 --> 01:37:13,243 This kid is killing me. 1567 01:37:15,413 --> 01:37:18,499 You suck, retard. I'm not retarded. 1568 01:37:18,583 --> 01:37:20,501 I'm a very special boy. 1569 01:37:20,960 --> 01:37:22,544 (HONKS) (GASPING) 1570 01:37:36,601 --> 01:37:37,601 Jim! 1571 01:37:37,685 --> 01:37:39,394 How's this for a band camp story? 1572 01:37:50,782 --> 01:37:53,242 Come on, guys. Let's hear it for Petey! 1573 01:37:53,326 --> 01:37:56,036 (APPLAUDING) 1574 01:38:21,521 --> 01:38:23,480 (CHEERING) 1575 01:38:23,565 --> 01:38:25,023 Talented bastard! 1576 01:39:06,858 --> 01:39:09,192 Good for them. Yeah, it's awesome. 1577 01:39:12,530 --> 01:39:14,906 Want to dance? Yeah. 1578 01:39:15,199 --> 01:39:17,868 We'll be back. Come on, baby! 1579 01:40:02,372 --> 01:40:05,374 You know, there's only one word for that party: 1580 01:40:05,458 --> 01:40:07,876 Bitchin'. Out of control. 1581 01:40:09,253 --> 01:40:11,505 Dude, am I gonna have a hangover? 'Cause I want one. 1582 01:40:18,346 --> 01:40:21,264 (CHATTERING) 1583 01:40:21,432 --> 01:40:23,141 Good-bye. See ya. 1584 01:40:23,267 --> 01:40:26,144 Let's go to our page. Oh, my gosh. We have to write about this party. 1585 01:40:26,229 --> 01:40:29,064 This party was crazy! Look at my date! He's passed out! 1586 01:40:29,190 --> 01:40:31,316 You drank him under the table. He couldn't hang out with us. 1587 01:41:03,057 --> 01:41:04,057 (GIGGLING) 1588 01:41:04,350 --> 01:41:05,642 Oh! 1589 01:41:10,690 --> 01:41:13,942 Best summer ever, huh, fellas? Absolutely. 1590 01:41:14,318 --> 01:41:18,572 Sorry things didn't work out for you, Finch. You kiddin'? Things are great. 1591 01:41:18,656 --> 01:41:20,657 I have all the time in the world. 1592 01:41:20,742 --> 01:41:22,743 So, are we gonna do this every summer? 1593 01:41:22,827 --> 01:41:25,245 Oh, yeah, we are. Of course we are, gentlemen. 1594 01:41:25,329 --> 01:41:26,705 Well, we're gonna try. 1595 01:41:38,551 --> 01:41:40,135 Sweet car. It is sweet. 1596 01:41:40,219 --> 01:41:41,219 Where's Finch going? 1597 01:41:46,893 --> 01:41:49,186 Stifler's mom. Hey, Finchy. 1598 01:41:49,812 --> 01:41:51,688 How did you know I was here? 1599 01:41:51,856 --> 01:41:53,899 I called a couple of weeks ago. 1600 01:41:54,025 --> 01:41:56,401 Didn't Steven tell you that I was gonna drop by sometime? 1601 01:41:56,611 --> 01:41:59,362 I guess it, uh, slipped his mind. 1602 01:42:01,282 --> 01:42:03,283 Hey, what's your name? 1603 01:42:05,036 --> 01:42:06,244 Jeanine. 1604 01:42:07,538 --> 01:42:11,374 Jeanine. Okay, uh, well, 1605 01:42:11,876 --> 01:42:14,836 I've been thinking, and, you know, I'm 19 years old. 1606 01:42:14,921 --> 01:42:18,590 There's a whole world out there. I can't be obsessed with one woman. 1607 01:42:19,550 --> 01:42:20,801 Just can't be. 1608 01:42:21,260 --> 01:42:23,053 I'm glad you're learning, Finchy. 1609 01:42:24,472 --> 01:42:27,724 Good. Good. 1610 01:42:29,352 --> 01:42:30,602 You want to get it on? 1611 01:42:31,062 --> 01:42:33,146 You better clear your schedule. 1612 01:42:37,401 --> 01:42:38,985 See you guys later. 1613 01:42:39,111 --> 01:42:40,779 Where are you goin', man? What about Dog Years? 1614 01:42:41,572 --> 01:42:44,741 Uh, give me, like, uh, three days. 1615 01:42:46,911 --> 01:42:49,246 JIM: Wait, was that... Was that who I think... 1616 01:42:49,330 --> 01:42:51,456 No. Yeah. Yeah! 1617 01:42:51,541 --> 01:42:54,000 I think it was. I think so, too. 1618 01:42:54,126 --> 01:42:56,795 Son of a... (LAUGHS) 1619 01:42:58,047 --> 01:42:59,172 Who the hell was that? 1620 01:42:59,423 --> 01:43:02,551 That was, uh... That was... Someone was lost. 1621 01:43:02,718 --> 01:43:05,887 Lookin' for the lake. Yeah, all turned around. 1622 01:43:06,931 --> 01:43:09,516 What a dumbass. The lake's right there. 1623 01:43:15,773 --> 01:43:18,900 Incredible. How does Finch get so lucky? 1624 01:43:18,985 --> 01:43:21,778 Ah. What are you worried about? You got a girlfriend now. 1625 01:43:21,863 --> 01:43:24,865 Everything in. Let's go. Pony up. Dog Years awaits. 1626 01:43:24,949 --> 01:43:27,450 Yeah, I do. Yeah, I do. 1627 01:43:27,869 --> 01:43:29,786 I have a girlfriend now. Yeah, you do. 1628 01:43:29,912 --> 01:43:32,205 She's my girlfriend. All right, Jimbo. 1629 01:43:32,290 --> 01:43:33,707 OZZY: Let's go! Let's go! 1630 01:43:33,833 --> 01:43:35,667 Hey, where's Shitbreak? KEVIN: The movies. 1631 01:43:35,751 --> 01:43:37,043 JIM: Took the bus. OZZY: Coffee. 1632 01:43:37,128 --> 01:43:39,838 STEVE: Wait a second. 1633 01:43:40,006 --> 01:43:42,090 Who the fuck was in that car? 1634 01:43:47,722 --> 01:43:49,806 (FINCH MOANING) 1635 01:43:49,891 --> 01:43:52,767 JEANINE: Oh, Finchy, I missed you. 1636 01:43:52,894 --> 01:43:57,480 Yeah. Oh, God. Jeanine. Jeanine. Call me Stifler's mom. 1637 01:43:57,690 --> 01:43:59,816 (LOUD MOANING) (CAR ALARM BLARING) 1638 01:44:00,651 --> 01:44:04,029 FINCH: (YELLING) Oh! Stifler's mom! 120392

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