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1
00:00:33,617 --> 00:00:36,119
NATALIE: Are you sure you
don't wanna go to my room?
JIM: No. Why?
2
00:00:36,203 --> 00:00:38,913
JIM: My roommate's
already moved out.
We'll be all alone.
3
00:00:38,997 --> 00:00:40,456
All right.
The door is locked.
4
00:00:40,541 --> 00:00:42,583
Okay, Jim, relax. Relax.
Okay, yeah, sure.
5
00:00:42,668 --> 00:00:45,461
NATALIE: No strings attached,
okay? It's just friendly
good-bye sex.
6
00:00:45,963 --> 00:00:48,423
JIM: Yeah, right. Right,
right, right, right.
7
00:00:48,507 --> 00:00:51,801
Uh, yeah, but you see,
it's just that, um,
8
00:00:51,969 --> 00:00:54,846
we've never even had
friendly hello sex.
9
00:00:54,972 --> 00:00:58,725
So do you not
wanna do this?
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
10
00:00:58,809 --> 00:01:02,437
Oh, I do. Yeah.
No, I definitely do.
11
00:01:02,938 --> 00:01:05,064
Uh, it's just that,
12
00:01:05,149 --> 00:01:07,483
you see, this is actually
my first time.
13
00:01:08,026 --> 00:01:10,403
Well, not my first.
It's my first time,
14
00:01:10,487 --> 00:01:14,198
uh, since my
first time.
15
00:01:14,491 --> 00:01:16,576
So, technically,
that's my second time.
16
00:01:16,660 --> 00:01:19,746
And I... I don't...
I don't wanna suck at it.
17
00:01:19,830 --> 00:01:22,165
So if I'm not up to par,
performance-wise...
18
00:01:22,833 --> 00:01:26,043
Jim, this isn't exactly
a turn-on.
19
00:01:26,420 --> 00:01:29,046
I mean, girls like a guy
with confidence.
20
00:01:30,257 --> 00:01:31,632
Hey, I'm confident.
21
00:01:31,717 --> 00:01:35,803
Oh, I am... I'm absolutely,
totally confident.
22
00:01:36,180 --> 00:01:37,346
Oh?
Yeah.
23
00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:39,348
Let's get naked.
Okay.
24
00:01:42,060 --> 00:01:45,646
Seems like just yesterday
my dad picked me up after
my first year at college.
25
00:01:45,773 --> 00:01:48,608
Mmm-hmm.
We popped a couple of beers,
26
00:01:48,692 --> 00:01:50,860
and he said,
"Now, you're a man."
27
00:01:51,361 --> 00:01:53,696
And today I get to say
the same thing to my son.
28
00:01:53,864 --> 00:01:55,823
Honey, your speeches
embarrass him.
29
00:01:55,991 --> 00:01:59,035
So, try and do what the kids
say, and just be cool.
30
00:01:59,745 --> 00:02:02,872
I think I bring new meaning
to the word "cool," honey.
31
00:02:02,956 --> 00:02:04,624
That's his dormitory
up ahead.
32
00:02:20,140 --> 00:02:22,225
Turn over.
Okay.
33
00:02:23,560 --> 00:02:25,978
Ow.
(GROANS)
34
00:02:29,566 --> 00:02:31,859
Can't bring alcohol
in the dorms.
Oh, uh, good.
35
00:02:32,027 --> 00:02:36,072
Thank you, uh, Matt.
I'm just here to surprise
my son Jim.
36
00:02:36,406 --> 00:02:38,658
What?
Now pin my leg up.
37
00:02:38,742 --> 00:02:40,910
Pin my leg up,
like this.
38
00:02:41,078 --> 00:02:44,330
Uh-huh. Oh, yeah.
39
00:02:44,456 --> 00:02:47,458
Maybe you can help
me out, you know.
40
00:02:47,751 --> 00:02:50,294
Okay.
41
00:02:50,420 --> 00:02:53,422
Is that the one?
No.
There!
42
00:02:53,757 --> 00:02:56,384
Oh, yeah, yeah!
Oh, oh, oh, okay!
43
00:02:56,468 --> 00:02:58,970
(SHUDDERS)
Now I remember.
44
00:03:01,098 --> 00:03:03,307
I didn't do this for you.
45
00:03:03,475 --> 00:03:05,560
Thanks, dude.
46
00:03:06,937 --> 00:03:09,105
NOAH:
Where's my big guy?
Oh, my God!
47
00:03:09,231 --> 00:03:10,773
Oh, no.
Hey...
(SCREAMS)
48
00:03:12,985 --> 00:03:16,571
Jesus!
Jim, we got here
a little early.
49
00:03:16,738 --> 00:03:18,865
Dad, get out!
I'll wait in the car.
50
00:03:18,949 --> 00:03:22,660
Go, Dad!
Oh, my... Geez.
51
00:03:22,744 --> 00:03:23,786
Was that your dad?
Yeah.
52
00:03:23,871 --> 00:03:25,872
I'm so sorry.
For your own edification,
53
00:03:25,956 --> 00:03:27,665
son, I just...
I'm not embarrassed.
54
00:03:27,749 --> 00:03:28,875
I am!
55
00:03:28,959 --> 00:03:31,836
It's a perfectly
normal thing for
two human beings...
56
00:03:31,962 --> 00:03:35,256
Dad, what are you doing?
This is human nature.
Human nature at its best.
57
00:03:35,340 --> 00:03:39,343
Son, everybody does it.
Your mother and I...
Well, not so much anymore.
58
00:03:39,428 --> 00:03:41,637
Got your favorite.
Oh, my God! They're fucking!
59
00:03:41,805 --> 00:03:44,223
No! No!
Honey, honey,
listen. No, no.
60
00:03:44,308 --> 00:03:45,808
I'm gonna take
her to the car.
61
00:03:45,934 --> 00:03:47,977
Please just go!
Actually,
if you wouldn't mind.
62
00:03:48,061 --> 00:03:50,271
Honey... I'll take her
to the car.
63
00:03:50,355 --> 00:03:52,315
(GASPS)
(GASPS)
64
00:03:52,608 --> 00:03:54,191
Hi, Mama.
What?
65
00:03:54,318 --> 00:03:55,443
Natalie!
66
00:03:55,527 --> 00:03:56,819
I'm Jim's dad.
67
00:03:57,237 --> 00:03:59,113
You must be the parents
of this young lady.
68
00:03:59,197 --> 00:04:02,408
I'm sorry
I didn't get her name,
but hopefully my son did,
69
00:04:02,534 --> 00:04:04,160
because I have not been
here the whole time.
70
00:04:04,244 --> 00:04:06,370
MAN: Natalie,
get dressed!
71
00:04:06,496 --> 00:04:09,457
Beer?
MAN: Avert your eyes!
Turn around!
72
00:04:09,666 --> 00:04:11,417
NATALIE: Thanks, Jim.
You don't believe in locks?
Oh, my God.
73
00:04:31,730 --> 00:04:32,939
Heya, fuckface.
74
00:04:33,023 --> 00:04:36,901
Mornin', dude.
Come on, Ozzy.
It's show time.
75
00:04:39,655 --> 00:04:42,531
Ozzy, before you go
to Ann Arbor to pick up
Heather,
76
00:04:42,616 --> 00:04:44,200
I wanna show you
what you're missing.
77
00:04:46,036 --> 00:04:48,663
See what they are today, dude.
See what they are today.
78
00:04:49,206 --> 00:04:50,873
Okay, here we go.
Moment of truth.
79
00:04:53,627 --> 00:04:55,086
Ooh!
80
00:04:55,629 --> 00:04:58,005
There's little hearts
on her panties!
Super.
81
00:04:58,090 --> 00:05:00,883
There's little hearts
on her panties! Come on, look,
you pussy. Look.
82
00:05:00,968 --> 00:05:03,219
What the fuck, man?
Come on!
83
00:05:03,512 --> 00:05:08,057
I'm disappointed in you. Here
it is, the end of our freshman
year and you screwed one girl.
84
00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:09,976
One.
(CHUCKLES)
85
00:05:10,102 --> 00:05:11,894
You're a disgrace
to men everywhere.
86
00:05:12,187 --> 00:05:15,231
Look at the Stifmeister.
I got laid 23 times
this year,
87
00:05:15,399 --> 00:05:18,567
and I'm not counting
the hummer I got in
the library stacks, baby.
88
00:05:18,694 --> 00:05:21,320
All right, here's a new idea
for you, Stifler, okay?
89
00:05:21,446 --> 00:05:24,281
You find a girl.
You two become best friends.
90
00:05:24,366 --> 00:05:26,701
You don't bother counting how
many times you have sex
with each other.
91
00:05:26,827 --> 00:05:30,454
You just laugh at the people
that do count.
Here's a new idea for you.
92
00:05:30,539 --> 00:05:32,999
I'll get you a spoon
so you can eat my ass.
93
00:05:33,083 --> 00:05:36,085
Okay, people.
Notebooks closed.
Let's get this exam rolling.
94
00:05:37,921 --> 00:05:40,506
Holy shit, dude.
We got an exam today?
95
00:05:41,091 --> 00:05:42,091
You kiddin' me?
96
00:05:42,634 --> 00:05:44,385
Bullshit.
(SCOFFS)
97
00:05:48,306 --> 00:05:52,059
Yes! I'm never
even gonna think about
political science again.
98
00:05:52,144 --> 00:05:54,020
Hey. How'd you do?
99
00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:56,272
Oh, fine.
Yeah?
100
00:05:56,356 --> 00:05:58,524
I can't believe I'm doing this
summer abroad thing.
101
00:05:58,608 --> 00:06:00,067
Last thing I need
is more classes.
102
00:06:00,152 --> 00:06:03,446
You're gonna have
a great time.
KEVIN: Hello, summer!
103
00:06:04,239 --> 00:06:07,158
Did that exam blow or what?
Yeah, it sucked.
104
00:06:07,284 --> 00:06:09,368
Ozzy!
Kev, what's up, man?
How are you?
105
00:06:09,536 --> 00:06:12,121
Good. Put your
party hat on.
106
00:06:12,289 --> 00:06:14,790
We got 12 weeks
of immortality ahead.
Yes, sir!
107
00:06:23,800 --> 00:06:26,469
Weird.
108
00:06:41,818 --> 00:06:44,487
Ah, the one that got away,
huh, son?
109
00:06:47,741 --> 00:06:49,825
Yeah.
Yeah.
110
00:06:51,787 --> 00:06:56,665
Well, evidently you two
made quite the handsome
couple on the Internet.
111
00:06:59,544 --> 00:07:01,087
Oh, I didn't see it.
112
00:07:01,171 --> 00:07:04,507
It, uh, was brought up
at a P.T.A. Meeting.
113
00:07:05,133 --> 00:07:07,551
Anyway, my point is,
114
00:07:07,636 --> 00:07:12,431
these little sexual debacles
should not get you down,
because you know what?
115
00:07:12,599 --> 00:07:15,309
It happens to the best
of us. In fact,
116
00:07:16,520 --> 00:07:20,272
the first time your mother
and I got together,
117
00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:22,441
(GROANS)
I used a condom.
118
00:07:23,235 --> 00:07:26,612
Well, she referred to it
as "shrink wrapping."
119
00:07:26,696 --> 00:07:28,823
(CHUCKLES)
120
00:07:29,324 --> 00:07:30,866
But I got over it.
121
00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:33,369
Anyway, keep your chin up.
You keep plugging
122
00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:35,871
and, uh, good things
will happen.
123
00:07:36,665 --> 00:07:38,499
Good to have you home, son.
124
00:07:42,337 --> 00:07:44,839
It's good to be home, Dad.
125
00:07:45,090 --> 00:07:47,883
KEVIN:
It's gonna be nice to hit
Stifler's tonight after exams.
126
00:07:47,968 --> 00:07:49,635
Did you get through 'em?
God, what a bitch, huh?
127
00:07:49,719 --> 00:07:51,262
There's the mystery man!
128
00:07:51,346 --> 00:07:53,389
KEVIN:
Finch, how are you?
Kevin. Konichiwa.
129
00:07:53,723 --> 00:07:57,643
James. Konichiwa. Konichiwa.
130
00:07:59,729 --> 00:08:01,063
It's Japanese.
131
00:08:01,148 --> 00:08:04,275
It means "hello."
Hello.
132
00:08:04,734 --> 00:08:06,318
Finch, what happened
to Latin?
133
00:08:06,403 --> 00:08:09,155
I met a Japanese girl
at the art museum.
134
00:08:09,281 --> 00:08:13,367
Changed majors. Wanted to
understand all those things
she was moaning.
135
00:08:13,493 --> 00:08:16,203
You got laid
in an art museum?
The Met.
136
00:08:16,371 --> 00:08:19,832
Oh, and the Guggenheim
with Francesca.
The Guggenheim?
137
00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:22,877
And then my social-psych
professor in Baskin-Robbins.
138
00:08:23,044 --> 00:08:26,881
All right, enough, Finch.
But I'll tell you,
none of these women
139
00:08:26,965 --> 00:08:28,591
even compare to...
140
00:08:28,675 --> 00:08:31,468
ALL:
Stifler's mom.
141
00:08:31,845 --> 00:08:33,596
Stifler's mom is a goddess.
142
00:08:38,685 --> 00:08:41,604
How about some more
of Stifmeister's
collegiate concoction?
143
00:08:41,688 --> 00:08:45,524
This thing is like
half alcohol. You're just
trying to get me drunk.
144
00:08:45,609 --> 00:08:48,903
(CHUCKLES)
Mary, would I do that?
145
00:08:49,029 --> 00:08:53,490
My name's Christy.
Christy, right, right.
Beautiful name.
146
00:08:53,658 --> 00:08:57,203
Like it matters.
Hey, how you doing?
Hey.
147
00:08:57,287 --> 00:08:59,496
Party-hearty,
fuckin' partners!
148
00:08:59,581 --> 00:09:02,041
Johnny C., how's it going?
Good to see you.
149
00:09:02,125 --> 00:09:05,169
Oh, looks like someone
gained a freshman 15.
This'll help.
150
00:09:05,253 --> 00:09:06,337
(DOORBELL RINGS)
151
00:09:06,421 --> 00:09:08,881
You're an asshole.
Missed you too.
152
00:09:08,965 --> 00:09:12,384
All right, everybody
having a good time?
Ladies.
153
00:09:13,762 --> 00:09:16,055
Fellas! How's it going?
154
00:09:16,139 --> 00:09:18,724
The keg's back there
as always. Enjoy.
155
00:09:18,808 --> 00:09:23,979
Ladies, I'm Steve Stifler,
and I have an 11 -inch penis
156
00:09:24,272 --> 00:09:26,232
around!
157
00:09:26,316 --> 00:09:29,485
Think about it.
Sherman!
158
00:09:29,653 --> 00:09:32,655
Okay, Stifler,
take your shot. Ha, ha.
159
00:09:32,822 --> 00:09:35,991
Come on, man.
I'm really happy
to see you.
160
00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:39,995
All right.
You stupid fuck.
161
00:09:40,914 --> 00:09:43,207
Hey. Hey, are you
Steve Stifler?
162
00:09:43,500 --> 00:09:44,500
Yes, I am.
163
00:09:44,584 --> 00:09:47,127
Well, thank you for throwing
this awesome party, man.
164
00:09:47,212 --> 00:09:48,212
No problem.
165
00:09:48,296 --> 00:09:50,047
Yeah, the cops bust
all our parties now.
166
00:09:50,674 --> 00:09:52,424
Well, I put the word out
167
00:09:52,509 --> 00:09:54,343
so high-school chicks
would come.
168
00:09:54,427 --> 00:09:55,928
Just 'cause you fuckers
don't have dicks
169
00:09:56,012 --> 00:09:58,222
doesn't make it right
for you to be here,
you know.
170
00:10:00,267 --> 00:10:02,101
Uh, hey, man,
could I ask you a question?
171
00:10:02,185 --> 00:10:03,185
Sure, son.
172
00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:06,397
Is it true that
Paul Finch nailed your mom?
173
00:10:08,817 --> 00:10:10,442
Sons of bitches.
174
00:10:11,695 --> 00:10:13,195
My mom's a saint!
175
00:10:14,030 --> 00:10:15,614
Go suck some dick!
176
00:10:17,158 --> 00:10:21,328
Hey, Carlos, Jason.
What's going on?
Keg's back on the deck.
177
00:10:22,414 --> 00:10:24,248
Hey, how's lowa State?
178
00:10:24,332 --> 00:10:26,792
Did you see those fuckers
I had to boot outta here?
179
00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:28,544
Yup.
180
00:10:28,670 --> 00:10:32,548
Back at Stifler's.
It's just like old times.
One difference.
181
00:10:32,632 --> 00:10:35,009
We're college men now.
182
00:10:35,093 --> 00:10:37,594
Some of these girls
are from the grade below us.
183
00:10:37,804 --> 00:10:39,847
I might actually
have a chance.
184
00:10:40,098 --> 00:10:42,224
Hey, I remember you.
185
00:10:44,394 --> 00:10:45,686
Oh, do you now?
186
00:10:45,770 --> 00:10:48,355
You're that guy who blew
his load on the Internet.
187
00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:50,024
(BOTH LAUGHING)
188
00:10:50,191 --> 00:10:53,319
Splat. "Oh, wait,
Nadia, don't go." Splat.
189
00:10:54,946 --> 00:10:56,572
Pathetic.
Loser.
190
00:10:56,740 --> 00:10:59,158
It's exactly like
old times.
191
00:10:59,909 --> 00:11:01,952
WOMAN ON PA:
Flight 4717, final call.
192
00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:04,997
I'm gonna miss you.
I'll miss you.
193
00:11:06,833 --> 00:11:08,834
I'll call you
when I get in, okay?
194
00:11:09,002 --> 00:11:11,253
Go have fun.
Okay.
195
00:11:11,421 --> 00:11:13,839
Bye.
Bye-bye.
196
00:11:25,310 --> 00:11:27,394
JIM:
I can't believe
those two girls, Kevin.
197
00:11:27,479 --> 00:11:29,521
KEVIN:
Jim, it's not a big deal.
No. Yeah.
198
00:11:29,606 --> 00:11:32,274
They toyed with
my emotions.
199
00:11:33,109 --> 00:11:35,194
Hello. Hello.
See?
There's other girls.
200
00:11:35,320 --> 00:11:39,198
How are ya?
You got nothing
to worry about, man.
201
00:11:39,366 --> 00:11:41,325
Hey, Jessica's here.
202
00:11:42,452 --> 00:11:43,952
With Vicky.
203
00:11:44,621 --> 00:11:48,832
And Vicky got hot!
204
00:11:48,917 --> 00:11:51,377
What's that supposed
to mean?
205
00:11:51,461 --> 00:11:52,836
Look at her.
206
00:11:52,921 --> 00:11:56,465
Yeah, Jim, I see her.
Hey, Kevin.
207
00:11:57,550 --> 00:11:58,967
I'll be right back.
208
00:12:02,180 --> 00:12:04,807
Hey, Vic, how are you?
What's up?
209
00:12:04,891 --> 00:12:06,767
I'm okay.
Yeah, I'm good.
210
00:12:06,893 --> 00:12:10,229
That's good.
It's good to hear.
Yeah, you too.
211
00:12:11,606 --> 00:12:12,689
Wow.
212
00:12:13,191 --> 00:12:16,235
Well, this is about
as comfortable as
a high colonic in Tijuana.
213
00:12:16,319 --> 00:12:19,154
And I would know.
Okay.
214
00:12:19,406 --> 00:12:22,408
I'm gonna get a drink.
She's right.
215
00:12:22,492 --> 00:12:25,786
Why is this so weird?
Actually, I...
I have no idea.
216
00:12:25,870 --> 00:12:29,081
See, I knew it.
I knew you'd be mature
about this.
217
00:12:29,165 --> 00:12:32,376
You know, and we could
still be friends, right?
Yeah.
218
00:12:32,710 --> 00:12:35,254
I miss you, Kev.
219
00:12:37,924 --> 00:12:39,091
Whoa.
220
00:12:40,844 --> 00:12:43,137
Friends, right?
221
00:12:43,221 --> 00:12:47,724
Yeah, right.
I mean, I know you said
friends and I... I just...
222
00:12:48,518 --> 00:12:51,437
I'm sorry.
I was... It was just...
223
00:12:51,938 --> 00:12:54,398
An old habit.
I mean, a friend kiss.
224
00:12:54,524 --> 00:12:58,861
Are you sure?
Vic, why wouldn't I wanna
be friends with you?
225
00:12:58,945 --> 00:13:02,531
Look, we'll...
We'll just do this, okay?
226
00:13:03,283 --> 00:13:05,451
Friends.
Friends.
227
00:13:08,913 --> 00:13:11,540
Ozzy! My man!
There he is.
228
00:13:11,624 --> 00:13:14,626
Shake off your chains
of monogamy.
You're a free man.
229
00:13:14,711 --> 00:13:18,046
I don't think so, Stifler.
You know I'll never turn
over to the dark side.
230
00:13:18,131 --> 00:13:21,550
Dumbass.
What happened to the 'Nova
I knew in high school?
231
00:13:21,634 --> 00:13:24,511
'Nova, as in Casanova?
The guy who had
all the moves?
232
00:13:24,596 --> 00:13:25,846
Yeah, he was an idiot.
233
00:13:25,930 --> 00:13:27,890
Yeah, but he was
my idiot.
234
00:13:28,475 --> 00:13:30,184
Hey, everyone!
Listen up!
235
00:13:31,060 --> 00:13:33,061
'Nova's back, baby!
236
00:13:33,146 --> 00:13:35,731
And he's taking the locks
off his cock!
237
00:13:38,193 --> 00:13:41,069
Ozzy, I'm lobbing you
a softball here.
238
00:13:41,154 --> 00:13:42,946
Pull out your bat
and take a swing.
239
00:13:43,031 --> 00:13:44,406
Mandy.
240
00:13:45,408 --> 00:13:47,117
This is my friend Oz.
241
00:13:47,202 --> 00:13:49,411
All-state lacrosse
two years in a row.
242
00:13:49,746 --> 00:13:52,080
Hey, Oz.
Hi, Mandy. How are you?
243
00:13:52,540 --> 00:13:55,167
Listen, I have
a girlfriend.
244
00:13:56,002 --> 00:13:57,503
It was a pleasure
meeting you.
245
00:13:58,421 --> 00:13:59,588
Beer out back.
246
00:14:01,758 --> 00:14:03,091
You pussy!
247
00:14:14,354 --> 00:14:16,772
Stifler's mom's room.
248
00:14:31,913 --> 00:14:34,414
How did you do
that magic you did?
249
00:14:52,934 --> 00:14:54,226
Tantra.
250
00:14:59,482 --> 00:15:01,733
What the fuck
are you doin' in here?
251
00:15:01,818 --> 00:15:02,901
Just relax.
252
00:15:02,986 --> 00:15:04,653
You get out of my house!
253
00:15:04,779 --> 00:15:06,863
Jesus Christ!
Come back here,
you little fucker!
254
00:15:06,990 --> 00:15:09,283
Come back here,
you son of a bitch!
Take it easy.
255
00:15:09,409 --> 00:15:12,661
Whoa! Hey! Hey!
Easy! Easy!
That's enough.
256
00:15:12,745 --> 00:15:15,872
Okay, guys, we went through
this last summer, all right?
257
00:15:15,957 --> 00:15:19,334
Finch got a black eye
and Stifler got six stitches.
'Cause you fuckin' bit me!
258
00:15:19,627 --> 00:15:20,836
You touch me, I bite.
259
00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:22,629
You two relax and shake hands.
260
00:15:22,714 --> 00:15:25,382
Shake this!
Hey.
261
00:15:27,176 --> 00:15:29,678
Finch.
I need a drink.
262
00:15:29,762 --> 00:15:32,639
Why is everybody
taking a piss right now?
263
00:15:32,765 --> 00:15:36,310
The line's too long.
I ain't gonna make it, man.
You'll be okay. Relax.
264
00:15:36,811 --> 00:15:40,063
Hey, bro. Hey, man,
you're the guy who boned
Stifler's mom.
265
00:15:40,148 --> 00:15:43,317
Hey, you are a god.
Holy shit, dude.
266
00:15:43,401 --> 00:15:45,402
If I didn't have to
hold my dick 'cause
I gotta piss so bad,
267
00:15:45,486 --> 00:15:47,029
I would shake your hand.
268
00:15:47,113 --> 00:15:49,573
I'm honored, guys.
Don't leave.
269
00:15:49,657 --> 00:15:53,327
You must teach me.
How? How?
270
00:15:54,037 --> 00:15:57,372
STEVE: Oh, look what I found,
Christy.
271
00:15:58,082 --> 00:16:00,667
Oh, what a coincidence.
272
00:16:03,963 --> 00:16:07,132
I've been saving this
for a special occasion,
273
00:16:07,216 --> 00:16:10,385
for a special girl,
just like you.
274
00:16:11,387 --> 00:16:14,306
You're so sweet.
That's what they say.
275
00:16:14,390 --> 00:16:16,224
Oh, weird.
276
00:16:16,559 --> 00:16:19,144
Oh, my God.
I spilled some on you.
277
00:16:19,270 --> 00:16:21,188
Maybe I should
mop that up.
Thanks.
278
00:16:21,272 --> 00:16:24,566
No problem.
Whoa! Whoa, hey.
279
00:16:24,651 --> 00:16:27,944
Take it slow. Come on.
Right.
280
00:16:28,154 --> 00:16:31,073
You know, they warn us
about these situations
in college.
281
00:16:31,824 --> 00:16:36,119
Now, you may be intoxicated.
282
00:16:36,204 --> 00:16:38,080
Oh, yeah.
283
00:16:38,247 --> 00:16:40,999
Are you certain that
you wish to engage
in consenting...
284
00:16:41,084 --> 00:16:43,543
Hey, don't count
your chickens, buster.
285
00:16:43,670 --> 00:16:47,255
I'm just playing
by the rules, baby.
I make the rules.
286
00:16:47,882 --> 00:16:50,300
That's a pretty good
fucking rule.
287
00:16:55,306 --> 00:16:57,474
Dude, the line's too long.
I'll never make it.
288
00:16:58,017 --> 00:17:00,018
It's gotta happen now.
Get my back.
All right. Go, bro.
289
00:17:07,485 --> 00:17:09,236
Clamp it off.
Hello.
290
00:17:09,320 --> 00:17:11,613
Oh, Laurie. How are you?
Good. Awesome.
291
00:17:11,781 --> 00:17:12,864
(GROANING)
292
00:17:12,949 --> 00:17:14,783
Hey. How are you?
Hi, Laurie.
293
00:17:14,951 --> 00:17:16,284
Good. I'm really good.
294
00:17:16,369 --> 00:17:19,538
How 'bout I give you
a little champagne?
295
00:17:19,997 --> 00:17:21,915
Why don't you go downstairs
and get us a couple beers?
296
00:17:21,999 --> 00:17:23,709
I've got a surprise for you.
297
00:17:23,835 --> 00:17:26,169
Close your eyes
and get ready.
Oh, I'm ready.
298
00:17:26,254 --> 00:17:28,505
(GIGGLES)
299
00:17:28,965 --> 00:17:32,634
You want a beer?
Yeah, all right.
300
00:17:32,802 --> 00:17:34,803
Mmm.
301
00:17:36,055 --> 00:17:37,639
Okay, go.
302
00:17:40,435 --> 00:17:43,019
This is kind of kinky,
and I like that.
303
00:17:43,563 --> 00:17:45,313
(SIGHING)
304
00:17:47,275 --> 00:17:51,403
Ohhh! That's it.
Bathe the Stifmeister.
305
00:17:52,071 --> 00:17:53,572
(SIGHS)
306
00:17:55,032 --> 00:17:56,992
Oh, that's great!
307
00:17:57,160 --> 00:17:59,119
Oh, that's great.
(LAUGHS)
308
00:17:59,495 --> 00:18:01,413
How did you get it
so nice and warm?
309
00:18:01,581 --> 00:18:02,873
(SIGHS)
310
00:18:03,040 --> 00:18:04,958
(MOANS)
311
00:18:05,334 --> 00:18:07,836
I can taste the bubbles.
312
00:18:10,590 --> 00:18:12,090
Actually, I can't.
313
00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:19,514
Much better.
314
00:18:22,226 --> 00:18:23,435
Wait a second.
315
00:18:23,519 --> 00:18:26,480
Let's go.
Thanks, man.
316
00:18:28,357 --> 00:18:30,400
Christy?
317
00:18:32,528 --> 00:18:34,154
Oh, fuck!
318
00:18:37,533 --> 00:18:41,036
Yep. Half of these got
East High parking passes
on 'em.
319
00:18:42,079 --> 00:18:44,706
Break up another one.
Call a couple units.
320
00:18:45,208 --> 00:18:47,918
Isn't this the Stifler house?
Yeah. You ever seen
Mrs. Stifler?
321
00:18:48,085 --> 00:18:49,169
Oh, what a MILF.
322
00:18:49,253 --> 00:18:50,462
Oh, yeah?
She got any pow? Pow.
323
00:18:52,673 --> 00:18:54,257
JIM:
Okay, now,
324
00:18:54,342 --> 00:18:58,887
do these high school kids
think that we're cool because
they're at a college party,
325
00:18:59,347 --> 00:19:02,349
or are we those
weird older guys
326
00:19:02,558 --> 00:19:05,143
that try to hang out
with high school kids
when we come home?
327
00:19:05,228 --> 00:19:08,063
No way. We're definitely
not those guys.
BOY: Cops!
328
00:19:08,147 --> 00:19:09,606
Cops!
329
00:19:10,316 --> 00:19:13,401
All right!
Break it up.
Party's over.
330
00:19:13,486 --> 00:19:17,030
Let's go.
Ostreicher, Myers.
331
00:19:17,406 --> 00:19:19,032
Welcome back.
332
00:19:19,116 --> 00:19:21,076
Where's Steve Stifler?
333
00:19:23,579 --> 00:19:26,081
COP: All right, let's go.
Get up. This party's over.
334
00:19:27,667 --> 00:19:29,709
I got peed on.
335
00:19:31,420 --> 00:19:33,755
KEVIN: No, man,
Stifler's got shut down.
336
00:19:33,923 --> 00:19:36,716
We can't party
anywhere anymore.
337
00:19:36,884 --> 00:19:39,177
And things are...
338
00:19:39,345 --> 00:19:42,597
Getting weird?
Yeah, a little bit.
339
00:19:42,765 --> 00:19:45,058
First summer back
from college.
340
00:19:45,226 --> 00:19:47,894
Yep, things are gonna
get weirder.
341
00:19:48,062 --> 00:19:49,521
What are you talkin' about?
342
00:19:49,605 --> 00:19:51,648
Well, times change,
people change.
343
00:19:52,024 --> 00:19:53,817
It's just what happens,
you know.
344
00:19:53,901 --> 00:19:57,112
Kev, listen.
Go into my old room.
345
00:19:57,196 --> 00:20:00,740
My friends and I knew
that it was up to us
to stick together.
346
00:20:00,908 --> 00:20:02,784
You remember
my first college summer?
347
00:20:02,869 --> 00:20:04,619
We rented that
lake house in Grant Harbor.
348
00:20:04,787 --> 00:20:07,789
We treated every day out there
like it was a post-prom party.
349
00:20:07,957 --> 00:20:10,750
Hell of a time.
We capped it all off
with a massive blowout.
350
00:20:11,127 --> 00:20:13,044
Best ever.
It was legendary.
351
00:20:13,129 --> 00:20:16,089
My advice is do that.
By the end of the summer,
352
00:20:16,173 --> 00:20:18,425
you're gonna see
the big picture.
353
00:20:28,978 --> 00:20:33,106
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)
(KNOCKING)
354
00:20:33,274 --> 00:20:36,902
She's on the phone.
She's on the phone.
It's long distance.
355
00:20:36,986 --> 00:20:38,361
Who?
Nadia! Nadia!
356
00:20:38,487 --> 00:20:42,657
What? She's on...
New York. Hello.
Yes, dear, he's right here.
357
00:20:42,783 --> 00:20:44,409
Hey... Here,
give it to me.
Now remember...
358
00:20:44,493 --> 00:20:47,621
Yes, I am sure to go
see The Lion King.
359
00:20:47,788 --> 00:20:50,790
Right. And don't ride
the subway after midnight.
Okay.
360
00:20:50,958 --> 00:20:54,669
I know they've done wonderful
things with that city, but,
you know, for me...
361
00:20:54,837 --> 00:20:56,379
Dad!
362
00:20:56,464 --> 00:20:58,089
He's right... Hang on.
363
00:21:01,510 --> 00:21:03,178
Hey... Hey, Nadia.
Jim!
364
00:21:03,346 --> 00:21:06,264
How was college?
College was excellent.
365
00:21:06,390 --> 00:21:09,434
Yeah. Yeah, it was...
It was really excellent.
366
00:21:09,602 --> 00:21:11,937
You have not forgotten
about me, have you?
367
00:21:12,021 --> 00:21:15,273
No. I, uh...
Absolutely not.
368
00:21:15,816 --> 00:21:18,777
I definitely didn't.
Good, because guess what?
369
00:21:18,861 --> 00:21:20,946
I'm coming to see you
at the end of summer.
370
00:21:21,113 --> 00:21:23,531
I hope you're
ready for me,
371
00:21:23,699 --> 00:21:28,203
because I have not forgotten
about you either,
you sexy boy.
372
00:21:28,537 --> 00:21:31,122
JIM: Shit.
FINCH: Jim, you can
eat hot dogs tomorrow.
373
00:21:31,207 --> 00:21:34,459
No, no, Finch,
it's not the hot dogs.
374
00:21:34,627 --> 00:21:36,419
Nadia called me
this morning.
375
00:21:36,587 --> 00:21:40,090
She's coming here
at the end of the summer,
and she wants to see me.
376
00:21:40,424 --> 00:21:41,466
Oh, that's killer.
377
00:21:41,550 --> 00:21:43,051
Yeah, that's a good thing.
378
00:21:43,135 --> 00:21:45,929
No, not "good thing."
Not "killer."
379
00:21:46,097 --> 00:21:48,139
I'll never be able
to do it.
380
00:21:48,307 --> 00:21:52,102
Nadia is gonna be
expecting filet mignon.
381
00:21:52,269 --> 00:21:56,606
Okay, and all I'm gonna
be able to give her
382
00:21:56,732 --> 00:21:58,400
is rump roast.
383
00:21:58,567 --> 00:21:59,567
(LAUGHING)
384
00:22:00,236 --> 00:22:04,489
Aw, come on.
Jim, you've had experience
since Nadia.
385
00:22:04,657 --> 00:22:06,658
Ah, yes, you would
be referring to
386
00:22:06,826 --> 00:22:10,120
the flute-fetish band geek
that made me her bitch and
then ditched me after prom.
387
00:22:10,246 --> 00:22:12,247
Yes, that's
great experience.
That's the one.
388
00:22:12,873 --> 00:22:15,667
Ah, you just gotta
find the right girl, Jimbo.
389
00:22:15,751 --> 00:22:18,044
Brings it all together.
FINCH:
I had the right woman.
390
00:22:18,295 --> 00:22:23,049
She just sells her cottage
and takes off
to parts unknown.
391
00:22:23,134 --> 00:22:25,969
Oh, my romantic life
has past its peak.
392
00:22:26,053 --> 00:22:27,971
Take me out to the pasture
and shoot me.
393
00:22:28,431 --> 00:22:32,684
Super start to
a super summer, fellas.
Welcome home.
394
00:22:34,937 --> 00:22:38,273
Guys, I got it.
Pack your bags.
395
00:22:38,566 --> 00:22:39,691
For what?
396
00:22:40,067 --> 00:22:41,693
We're moving to the lake.
397
00:22:44,989 --> 00:22:48,116
We're gonna be the shit.
Everybody on the beach
is gonna know us.
398
00:22:48,284 --> 00:22:50,952
Plenty of opportunities
to practice for Nadia.
399
00:22:51,120 --> 00:22:54,247
Throw a huge party
at the end of the
summer to cap it all off.
400
00:22:54,415 --> 00:22:58,001
Dude, that's a great idea.
That way we'll be able
to welcome Heather back,
401
00:22:58,669 --> 00:23:01,296
and we'll be able to prepare
for Nadia's big arrival.
402
00:23:01,380 --> 00:23:04,883
This is it.
This is my summer of love.
403
00:23:05,384 --> 00:23:07,135
Just thought I'd say
good-bye to you animals.
404
00:23:07,219 --> 00:23:09,679
Hey, Mr. Levenstein.
How are you, sir?
Hey.
405
00:23:10,931 --> 00:23:12,223
All packed up I see.
406
00:23:12,308 --> 00:23:13,767
Yeah, we're all set, Dad.
407
00:23:14,185 --> 00:23:16,478
Don't worry, okay?
I'll be fine.
408
00:23:16,979 --> 00:23:18,563
Come on and give
your old man a hug.
409
00:23:30,534 --> 00:23:31,743
Keep it real, homies.
410
00:23:32,036 --> 00:23:34,788
You too, sir.
Have a good summer.
411
00:23:35,164 --> 00:23:37,332
All right, let's go.
412
00:23:37,416 --> 00:23:39,417
FINCH: I've been running
these numbers here
413
00:23:39,502 --> 00:23:41,836
and I don't think
the four of us
can afford this place.
414
00:23:42,171 --> 00:23:43,421
Not on summer jobs.
415
00:23:43,506 --> 00:23:45,715
Well, I kind of
thought of that.
416
00:23:46,008 --> 00:23:50,303
So, I invited
someone else.
417
00:23:52,598 --> 00:23:56,101
Oh, yeah! The Stifmeister's
coming back to Grant Harbor!
418
00:23:56,560 --> 00:23:58,770
Deck the halls!
Bye-bye, Great Falls!
419
00:23:58,854 --> 00:24:01,022
Wipe my ass
and lick my balls!
420
00:24:01,190 --> 00:24:04,359
It's Stifler time, baby!
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
421
00:24:04,527 --> 00:24:07,028
(WHOOPING)
422
00:24:17,540 --> 00:24:22,043
Stifler, if you're gonna
be living with us
you gotta behave yourself.
423
00:24:22,378 --> 00:24:25,964
All right, you and Finch just
stay out of each other's way.
424
00:24:26,298 --> 00:24:28,925
Kevin, Stifler's stench
is unavoidable.
425
00:24:29,009 --> 00:24:31,511
Finch, fist yourself.
(CHUCKLES)
426
00:24:33,264 --> 00:24:35,390
That's right, baby.
We're here.
427
00:24:35,933 --> 00:24:38,143
Yeah, baby, we're here!
428
00:24:38,227 --> 00:24:40,895
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
429
00:25:05,379 --> 00:25:08,089
It's a palace.
It's a temple.
430
00:25:11,260 --> 00:25:12,927
Isn't this great?
431
00:25:13,679 --> 00:25:15,847
Ah, dude.
Are you kidding me?
432
00:25:32,615 --> 00:25:33,907
This just won't do.
433
00:26:07,691 --> 00:26:09,609
Guys.
434
00:26:11,570 --> 00:26:14,197
Check this out.
This is it.
435
00:26:22,081 --> 00:26:25,416
(CHANTING)
436
00:26:25,584 --> 00:26:28,378
Will you idiots tell me
what this fucker's doin'?
437
00:26:31,340 --> 00:26:33,424
(GASPS)
438
00:26:35,177 --> 00:26:36,719
Don't touch me
while I'm tantric.
439
00:26:37,137 --> 00:26:40,265
"Tantric"?
What the fuck is tantric?
440
00:26:40,349 --> 00:26:44,727
It's a Buddhist discipline.
You learn to channel
your body's energies,
441
00:26:44,812 --> 00:26:47,105
your chakras.
442
00:26:47,189 --> 00:26:50,817
When you can do that,
you can have sex for hours,
even days.
443
00:26:51,151 --> 00:26:52,443
And this stuff's for real?
444
00:26:52,528 --> 00:26:54,862
It's been around
for centuries.
445
00:26:55,239 --> 00:26:57,407
With tantra you can make
an entire session of sex
446
00:26:57,491 --> 00:27:00,243
feel like one giant orgasm.
447
00:27:00,411 --> 00:27:04,205
Eventually, you can
sustain that feeling
by meditating.
448
00:27:04,373 --> 00:27:07,542
Well, maybe you can
teach me sometime?
Very doubtful.
449
00:27:07,710 --> 00:27:09,836
True.
Come on, Jim.
450
00:27:10,004 --> 00:27:13,256
You can't possibly
be that bad.
Oh, no?
451
00:27:13,716 --> 00:27:15,550
No way.
452
00:27:15,634 --> 00:27:19,262
Well, I guess there's only
one person that really
knows for sure, huh?
453
00:27:19,430 --> 00:27:22,056
Oh, yeah?
Where's she this summer?
454
00:27:22,224 --> 00:27:24,058
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
455
00:27:24,893 --> 00:27:26,978
(MARCHING BAND PLAYING)
456
00:27:35,988 --> 00:27:39,240
Hey, are you here for
the mid-session performance?
457
00:27:39,575 --> 00:27:41,492
Guests go in
the amphitheater.
You can't be here.
458
00:27:41,577 --> 00:27:43,453
Do you know where I
could find Michelle Flaherty?
459
00:27:43,620 --> 00:27:46,664
Guests bring food.
Food attracts animals.
This one time,
460
00:27:46,749 --> 00:27:49,083
a bear came,
and then the bear
had to be destroyed,
461
00:27:49,168 --> 00:27:52,045
which means they shot it
in the head with a rifle
and killed it and it died.
462
00:27:52,212 --> 00:27:54,630
You must know Michelle.
463
00:27:54,798 --> 00:27:56,924
MAN: One, two, three, four.
(TUBAS PLAYING)
464
00:27:57,009 --> 00:27:58,885
One, two... Good, go.
465
00:27:59,094 --> 00:28:01,971
One, two, three, four.
466
00:28:02,139 --> 00:28:04,557
(FLUTE PLAYING)
467
00:28:15,402 --> 00:28:17,111
That's a lot of flutes.
468
00:28:17,279 --> 00:28:20,531
(BELL CLANGING)
(CHATTERING)
469
00:28:21,617 --> 00:28:25,161
Good luck. Thanks.
Good job.
Thanks, Michelle.
470
00:28:25,454 --> 00:28:26,913
Have fun at your next class.
471
00:28:31,168 --> 00:28:32,877
Hey, Michelle.
472
00:28:32,961 --> 00:28:34,837
Jim. Holy potatoes!
473
00:28:35,839 --> 00:28:38,091
You're really here?
MAN: Everybody
stick together.
474
00:28:38,175 --> 00:28:42,178
Oh, shoot!
We're... We're not
supposed to have visitors,
475
00:28:42,262 --> 00:28:44,806
'cause this one time,
uh, here,
476
00:28:45,307 --> 00:28:47,058
this kid had these cookies...
477
00:28:47,184 --> 00:28:51,145
Let me guess.
A bear came.
Cool.
478
00:28:51,313 --> 00:28:53,689
It's like you know
all our stories.
479
00:28:55,442 --> 00:28:57,443
Oh. Was that a question?
480
00:28:57,528 --> 00:28:59,404
I don't know. Maybe.
481
00:28:59,571 --> 00:29:02,949
Do you wanna answer it
anyway?
Michelle, um,
482
00:29:03,325 --> 00:29:07,662
I left you like, uh...
Like three messages
after prom.
483
00:29:07,746 --> 00:29:09,080
Really?
484
00:29:09,540 --> 00:29:13,793
You didn't think I was
weird because of the way
I acted that night?
485
00:29:14,420 --> 00:29:16,045
Weird, no.
486
00:29:17,297 --> 00:29:19,215
Surprising, yes.
487
00:29:19,842 --> 00:29:21,759
I get nasty when I'm horny.
488
00:29:22,469 --> 00:29:24,345
That's kind of
why I'm here.
489
00:29:25,013 --> 00:29:26,389
Um, you remember,
490
00:29:26,473 --> 00:29:29,308
was I any good that...
That night?
491
00:29:29,852 --> 00:29:32,437
Oh, wow. Geez.
492
00:29:32,521 --> 00:29:34,147
How could I forget?
493
00:29:34,731 --> 00:29:38,234
You sucked.
You didn't know what
the hell you were doing.
494
00:29:38,527 --> 00:29:41,737
But wasn't it fun even though
you were so terrible?
495
00:29:41,989 --> 00:29:44,866
I'm sorry. "Terrible"?
I've had worse.
496
00:29:44,950 --> 00:29:48,744
Oh.
Oh, sorry. I...
497
00:29:49,246 --> 00:29:52,331
I... I could give you
some pointers if you want.
498
00:29:52,583 --> 00:29:54,417
Really?
(BELL CLANGING)
499
00:29:54,501 --> 00:29:57,086
Oh. Oh, shoot.
Okay, wait here.
500
00:29:57,171 --> 00:29:59,464
I'll meet you
in an hour, okay?
501
00:29:59,548 --> 00:30:00,965
Yeah.
Oh, wait.
502
00:30:01,592 --> 00:30:02,717
Cool idea.
503
00:30:10,184 --> 00:30:12,018
Hey!
504
00:30:12,269 --> 00:30:13,352
What are you doing?
505
00:30:13,437 --> 00:30:14,520
Ow!
506
00:30:14,605 --> 00:30:17,064
Ooh. Ooh.
(MOANING)
507
00:30:17,149 --> 00:30:20,443
You're all right. Here we go.
You know you're not supposed
to be here now.
508
00:30:20,527 --> 00:30:22,695
Everyone's supposed to be in
the amphitheater.
509
00:30:22,779 --> 00:30:24,280
All right. Come on.
(MUMBLING)
510
00:30:24,406 --> 00:30:26,824
It's piss-poor
to be this late.
I'm very angry right now.
511
00:30:26,909 --> 00:30:29,952
You can tell by the tone
of my voice I'm angry.
I'm pissed off is what I am.
512
00:30:30,078 --> 00:30:32,246
Here they are. Cut 'em off.
'Cause this is
piss-poor. Go, go.
513
00:30:32,915 --> 00:30:34,665
Wait a minute.
Are you Petey?
514
00:30:34,750 --> 00:30:37,293
Petey?
Uh, yeah, sure.
515
00:30:37,377 --> 00:30:40,004
Petey! Well,
that explains everything.
516
00:30:40,088 --> 00:30:42,423
All right.
Well, it's always something
with these kids. Go!
517
00:30:42,591 --> 00:30:46,010
Petey, we are just so thrilled
to have you. None of my kids
are at your caliber.
518
00:30:46,094 --> 00:30:51,098
Watch that. But we are just
so overjoyed to have someone
with your kind of talent here.
519
00:30:51,183 --> 00:30:52,934
Oh, great.
BOY:
Here you go.
520
00:30:53,018 --> 00:30:54,352
That's great.
Oh, look at this.
521
00:30:54,436 --> 00:30:55,853
Your old best friend.
Come on. Move.
522
00:30:55,938 --> 00:30:59,482
I know it's not yours,
but you are going to make
beautiful music.
523
00:30:59,566 --> 00:31:01,484
Here we go.
This is fantastic.
I'm very excited.
524
00:31:01,568 --> 00:31:04,612
You just own this
and break a leg.
525
00:31:05,239 --> 00:31:07,698
All right,
all right.
526
00:31:07,866 --> 00:31:10,910
(CROWD APPLAUDING)
527
00:31:23,006 --> 00:31:25,216
What was he doing out
wandering around unsupervised?
528
00:31:25,300 --> 00:31:26,634
Who knows?
529
00:31:26,802 --> 00:31:30,304
I'll tell you something.
I'm about fed up with these
Tall Oaks North kids.
530
00:31:31,139 --> 00:31:34,392
(TROMBONE PLAYING SLOWLY)
531
00:31:36,979 --> 00:31:39,897
Kids, entertain yourselves.
Play along with Petey.
532
00:31:40,065 --> 00:31:42,692
No, no, no, no, Petey.
Here we go.
533
00:31:42,859 --> 00:31:45,319
All right, all right.
Come on, now.
A little encouragement.
534
00:31:45,487 --> 00:31:46,821
(APPLAUSE)
535
00:31:46,947 --> 00:31:48,239
Right to this spot.
536
00:31:48,323 --> 00:31:51,158
Folks, he's just
a little nervous.
537
00:31:52,035 --> 00:31:53,661
This isn't right.
538
00:31:53,745 --> 00:31:55,913
Just blow on it, kid.
All right.
539
00:31:55,998 --> 00:31:58,040
Here we go.
540
00:32:05,132 --> 00:32:07,508
Uh...
GIRL: Come on, Petey.
541
00:32:09,428 --> 00:32:11,762
Play!
Do something.
542
00:32:20,897 --> 00:32:22,356
(HONKING)
543
00:32:22,774 --> 00:32:24,609
Special, my ass.
544
00:32:24,818 --> 00:32:27,028
Come on. Give the little guy
some support.
Yeah!
545
00:32:27,195 --> 00:32:29,322
(ALL MURMURING AGREEMENT)
546
00:32:29,489 --> 00:32:32,658
Come on, Petey.
You're doing great,
partner.
547
00:32:33,869 --> 00:32:35,995
WOMAN:
Come on, honey.
You can do it.
548
00:32:36,079 --> 00:32:37,705
Come on, Petey.
549
00:32:39,875 --> 00:32:42,251
Oh, what the hell.
550
00:32:43,211 --> 00:32:45,296
Yeah!
(CHUCKLES)
551
00:32:45,380 --> 00:32:46,380
All right!
552
00:32:47,049 --> 00:32:52,011
All right, Petey!
Play it, man! Come on!
JIM: Yeah!
553
00:32:52,179 --> 00:32:54,847
Rock and roll!
554
00:32:55,015 --> 00:32:56,849
Whoo!
555
00:33:01,313 --> 00:33:04,065
(OFF KEY HONKING)
556
00:33:22,167 --> 00:33:24,251
(CROWD GASPING)
557
00:33:35,430 --> 00:33:36,597
(LIGHT APPLAUSE)
558
00:33:37,015 --> 00:33:38,015
Thank you!
559
00:33:41,186 --> 00:33:42,895
Thank you, Tall Oaks.
You're beautiful.
560
00:33:48,443 --> 00:33:50,528
My name is Petey!
561
00:33:51,947 --> 00:33:53,447
Thank you!
562
00:33:54,616 --> 00:33:56,617
And I have gigantic balls!
563
00:33:56,702 --> 00:33:57,868
(CROWDS FALLS SILENT)
564
00:33:57,953 --> 00:33:59,453
(MICROPHONE FEEDING BACK)
565
00:34:01,623 --> 00:34:02,915
I...
566
00:34:13,885 --> 00:34:16,220
Michelle...
Not now!
Come back later. Go!
567
00:34:18,140 --> 00:34:19,765
(SCATTERED LAUGHTER)
568
00:34:20,475 --> 00:34:23,102
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
Come back here!
I wanna talk to you!
569
00:34:23,228 --> 00:34:25,479
You are so sweet.
570
00:34:25,647 --> 00:34:28,149
He is special.
571
00:34:28,692 --> 00:34:30,401
He's my bitch.
572
00:34:32,654 --> 00:34:34,905
Well, Michelle
has confirmed it.
573
00:34:35,115 --> 00:34:38,159
I suck.
What?
574
00:34:38,660 --> 00:34:41,287
I gotta get
some practice.
575
00:34:41,747 --> 00:34:44,790
Don't worry about it.
I mean, that's why we got
the house, Jimbo.
576
00:34:44,875 --> 00:34:49,128
We plop a keg on the deck,
and the girls come in
off the beach.
577
00:34:49,296 --> 00:34:52,339
It's like
a hummingbird feeder.
578
00:34:52,507 --> 00:34:55,342
You think so?
I know so.
579
00:34:55,510 --> 00:34:56,969
Guaranteed hotties.
580
00:34:57,512 --> 00:35:00,055
Fellas, nice pad.
581
00:35:00,223 --> 00:35:03,017
Good view, but...
582
00:35:03,185 --> 00:35:06,604
The Sherminator sensors
detect no female life-forms
in the vicinity.
583
00:35:07,063 --> 00:35:11,108
High likelihood of
a sausage-fest in progress.
584
00:35:11,193 --> 00:35:13,486
The girls are comin'.
I made some calls.
585
00:35:14,571 --> 00:35:15,821
Yeah.
586
00:35:16,323 --> 00:35:19,074
The Sherminator's
got a point, Kev.
587
00:35:19,242 --> 00:35:23,162
Since when do you
start listening
to the Sherminator?
588
00:35:23,246 --> 00:35:27,082
Since he made me realize
there's an abundance
of wiener here.
589
00:35:27,334 --> 00:35:30,044
I mean, look around,
dude. Dude?
590
00:35:30,212 --> 00:35:31,962
VICKY:
All right,
now it's your turn.
591
00:35:32,047 --> 00:35:33,964
OZZY:
Oh, come on.
There's nothing to tell.
592
00:35:35,383 --> 00:35:37,760
Hey, what's up?
What are you guys
talking about?
593
00:35:37,844 --> 00:35:39,929
You know, we're just
trading war stories
about college,
594
00:35:40,096 --> 00:35:42,556
who hooked up with who,
who slept with who...
595
00:35:42,724 --> 00:35:44,767
So, Vicky?
596
00:35:45,519 --> 00:35:48,979
Well, there was
this one guy.
How 'bout you?
597
00:35:49,523 --> 00:35:52,775
Oh, you know, there was
a few girls... Three.
598
00:35:52,859 --> 00:35:55,444
Ooh, look at you.
You stud.
599
00:35:56,905 --> 00:35:59,448
All right, Oz.
Now that Kevin told us,
what about you?
600
00:35:59,658 --> 00:36:02,827
You haven't had the
slightest bit of attraction
to any girl at school?
601
00:36:02,994 --> 00:36:05,788
Don't you fuckin' say no.
I know you did.
602
00:36:06,706 --> 00:36:08,582
Even if I did,
603
00:36:09,376 --> 00:36:11,836
it wouldn't be anything
more than just
a momentary thing.
604
00:36:11,920 --> 00:36:16,257
Very uninteresting.
And how about you,
Jessica?
605
00:36:16,466 --> 00:36:18,342
How many chicks did you
sleep with this year?
606
00:36:18,426 --> 00:36:20,302
Gee, wouldn't you
like to know.
607
00:36:22,097 --> 00:36:23,222
Fuck yeah, I would.
608
00:36:23,306 --> 00:36:24,849
(CHUCKLES)
609
00:36:25,433 --> 00:36:27,101
Come on, Ozzy.
610
00:36:27,185 --> 00:36:28,894
Yeah, man. Ball.
Pool's yours.
611
00:36:29,271 --> 00:36:30,688
Hey, Vic, you wanna play?
612
00:36:30,772 --> 00:36:32,106
Yeah, sure. You wanna break?
613
00:36:36,111 --> 00:36:37,653
What the...
614
00:36:37,737 --> 00:36:40,364
Where are the
fuckin' females?
615
00:36:40,699 --> 00:36:44,660
Jim, can't you leave
your shirt on? You're
scaring the chicks away.
616
00:36:44,786 --> 00:36:46,287
OZZY: Dude,
give him a break.
617
00:36:48,290 --> 00:36:51,834
Ozzy, go deep.
Yeah, bro.
You playing?
618
00:36:51,960 --> 00:36:53,294
No.
619
00:36:55,380 --> 00:36:57,715
No, no, keep going.
Fly pattern.
620
00:36:57,883 --> 00:37:00,259
What are you doin'?
Fishin'.
621
00:37:06,683 --> 00:37:07,808
(GROANING)
622
00:37:07,893 --> 00:37:09,476
Are you okay?
Are you all right?
623
00:37:11,062 --> 00:37:14,773
You okay?
Oh, man, I'm so sorry.
Is everybody okay?
624
00:37:14,941 --> 00:37:18,402
(CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY)
625
00:37:22,532 --> 00:37:26,118
Amazing.
STEVE: Yes.
626
00:37:26,661 --> 00:37:28,412
The Force is strong
in that one.
627
00:37:29,748 --> 00:37:30,789
Whoa.
628
00:37:31,791 --> 00:37:36,587
The Sherminator detects
serious heat at a distance
of two meters.
629
00:37:36,671 --> 00:37:38,797
Preparing to deploy beer.
630
00:37:40,216 --> 00:37:42,468
Sherman, dude,
631
00:37:42,677 --> 00:37:44,887
let me give you a valuable
piece of advice, okay?
632
00:37:45,430 --> 00:37:47,014
Drop the whole
"Sherminator" thing.
633
00:37:47,349 --> 00:37:49,141
Please repeat
previous statement.
634
00:37:49,392 --> 00:37:51,894
Look, I know your last name
is Sherman, right?
635
00:37:52,479 --> 00:37:55,314
And that rhymes with
The Terminator which was
636
00:37:55,398 --> 00:37:57,274
a big hit movie, what,
like 10 years ago.
637
00:37:57,359 --> 00:38:00,110
But you can't tell me
a girl's ever really
gone for it.
638
00:38:01,112 --> 00:38:04,531
System overload.
Hasta la vista, Jessica.
639
00:38:06,993 --> 00:38:08,827
What a freak.
640
00:38:08,995 --> 00:38:10,996
(CHUCKLING)
641
00:38:11,164 --> 00:38:13,832
Vic, hey, you guys
are leaving?
642
00:38:14,000 --> 00:38:17,878
You know, we barely had
a chance to hang out,
you know, catch up.
643
00:38:18,046 --> 00:38:21,173
Well, what are you doing
this weekend?
I can get together.
644
00:38:21,341 --> 00:38:23,467
Cool. Let's hang out.
All right.
645
00:38:23,551 --> 00:38:24,885
Bye, Kev.
See ya, Jess.
646
00:38:25,011 --> 00:38:26,053
Bye.
647
00:38:29,557 --> 00:38:32,226
No, no,
that's all wrong.
648
00:38:32,394 --> 00:38:35,437
Thank you.
Have a nice day.
Good-bye.
649
00:38:35,605 --> 00:38:38,649
So what does he mean,
"meet up"?
You know, like hang out,
650
00:38:38,733 --> 00:38:40,150
grab lunch, whatever.
651
00:38:40,235 --> 00:38:43,862
I told you,
we're just friends now.
And he totally understands.
652
00:38:44,030 --> 00:38:47,574
Oh, yeah, I'm sure
he understands quite well.
He does.
653
00:38:48,284 --> 00:38:51,787
Oh, no, sir.
These are all wrong for you.
I mean, seriously.
654
00:38:53,331 --> 00:38:55,165
Sure. We're friends.
655
00:38:55,333 --> 00:38:58,585
But it's not like I see her
making plans with anyone else.
Right.
656
00:38:58,753 --> 00:39:02,339
I don't see her with
a boyfriend. I think
that puts me on deck.
657
00:39:02,507 --> 00:39:07,094
(LAUGHS)
Hey, Vicky only slept with
one guy since we went out.
658
00:39:07,721 --> 00:39:11,807
I mean, that like makes me
50% of her entire
guy-related life.
659
00:39:11,891 --> 00:39:13,684
You dipshit.
660
00:39:13,852 --> 00:39:16,895
She didn't sleep with one guy.
She slept with at least three.
661
00:39:17,313 --> 00:39:18,439
What?
662
00:39:18,773 --> 00:39:20,607
When a girl tells you
how many guys she slept with,
663
00:39:20,692 --> 00:39:22,943
multiply it by three
and that's the real number.
664
00:39:23,528 --> 00:39:26,071
(LAUGHS)
Didn't you fuckers learn
anything at college?
665
00:39:28,950 --> 00:39:30,367
Look, he did not sleep
with three girls, okay?
666
00:39:30,452 --> 00:39:33,078
Much like Sly
and the Family Stone aren't
gonna dance on in here
667
00:39:33,288 --> 00:39:37,082
and gang-bang me
between the Afros
and the bell bottoms, okay?
668
00:39:37,167 --> 00:39:38,500
It's not gonna happen.
669
00:39:38,585 --> 00:39:40,544
Kevin Myers did not sleep
with three girls at Michigan.
670
00:39:40,670 --> 00:39:45,132
But why would he lie to me?
It's not a lie. It's an
adjustment. The rule of three.
671
00:39:45,842 --> 00:39:47,426
The rule of what?
Three.
672
00:39:47,510 --> 00:39:51,013
A guy tells you how many girls
he's hooked up with,
it's not even close to that.
673
00:39:51,306 --> 00:39:54,433
Take that number
and divide it by three.
Then you get the real total.
674
00:39:54,517 --> 00:39:58,437
So, if Kevin's saying
it's been three girls,
it's more like one, or none.
675
00:39:58,897 --> 00:39:59,897
None?
676
00:39:59,981 --> 00:40:01,231
Rule of three.
677
00:40:01,316 --> 00:40:03,442
It's an exact science,
consistent as gravity.
678
00:40:05,153 --> 00:40:06,945
Ozzy,
I'm happy for you.
679
00:40:07,030 --> 00:40:09,573
At least you've seen
a nice bod while Heather's
off sucking dick.
680
00:40:09,657 --> 00:40:11,867
Stifler, keep your fantasies
to yourself.
681
00:40:11,951 --> 00:40:14,453
Dude, use
your fuckin' brain.
682
00:40:14,662 --> 00:40:17,456
"Oh, I'm an American
college chick.
La, la, la.
683
00:40:17,540 --> 00:40:20,250
"Your European cultural
shit is so charming.
684
00:40:21,169 --> 00:40:24,338
"Ooh, hey.
Hot Spanish guy.
Love your accent.
685
00:40:24,631 --> 00:40:26,131
"Love your ding-dong."
686
00:40:26,216 --> 00:40:29,301
I'm telling you, man,
right now there is a dick
in your girlfriend's mouth.
687
00:40:30,095 --> 00:40:31,386
Knock it off.
688
00:40:31,638 --> 00:40:33,180
What'd I say?
689
00:40:41,898 --> 00:40:44,024
(CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY)
690
00:40:52,367 --> 00:40:54,326
Oh, my God!
691
00:40:56,579 --> 00:41:00,040
Guys!
Check it out.
Lesbians.
692
00:41:01,835 --> 00:41:03,544
Lesbians live here.
693
00:41:03,711 --> 00:41:06,046
You know,
Mr. Homophobic Wizard,
694
00:41:06,214 --> 00:41:09,716
that it is possible
for women to hold hands
and not be gay.
695
00:41:10,718 --> 00:41:12,136
Friends can hold hands.
696
00:41:12,220 --> 00:41:16,431
Hey, Finch, I don't wanna hear
about you and your boyfriends.
Go jerk off.
697
00:41:16,599 --> 00:41:18,559
Unnecessary.
698
00:41:18,726 --> 00:41:21,228
Tantra teaches you to hold
an orgasm over time
699
00:41:21,855 --> 00:41:23,564
in anticipation
of an ultimate moment
700
00:41:23,815 --> 00:41:26,108
to release it
upon the world.
701
00:41:26,401 --> 00:41:28,569
I'm filling up
to the brim.
702
00:41:28,653 --> 00:41:32,948
That's fucking disgusting!
Oh, I'm gonna throw up.
703
00:41:35,577 --> 00:41:38,412
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
704
00:41:39,747 --> 00:41:42,249
Hello?
Hey, Heather. You're in!
705
00:41:42,500 --> 00:41:43,625
Oz!
706
00:41:43,710 --> 00:41:45,294
How's the studying going?
707
00:41:45,461 --> 00:41:47,296
I'd hardly call it studying.
708
00:41:47,463 --> 00:41:50,090
I've been going
to the Picasso Museum,
709
00:41:50,258 --> 00:41:52,050
hanging out at
Sagrada Familia,
710
00:41:52,218 --> 00:41:54,261
going with Pierre
to the Parc Guell.
711
00:41:54,429 --> 00:41:56,805
Hey, who's Pierre?
One of the guys
in the program.
712
00:41:56,973 --> 00:41:59,850
He's got a girlfriend back
in France, so we've kind
of got something in common.
713
00:41:59,934 --> 00:42:01,602
Ah, that sounds cool.
714
00:42:01,978 --> 00:42:05,939
Yeah, I've overheard them
on the phone at night.
715
00:42:06,024 --> 00:42:09,693
And, uh, well,
it made me think.
716
00:42:09,861 --> 00:42:15,282
Hey, Oz, I'm reaching under my
shirt, and I'm rubbing myself.
(LAUGHING)
717
00:42:15,658 --> 00:42:18,869
Oz, come on.
It's phone sex.
Help me out here.
718
00:42:18,953 --> 00:42:21,997
Okay. Uh...
719
00:42:23,291 --> 00:42:26,126
I'm going over to my bed.
720
00:42:26,294 --> 00:42:29,588
Yeah.
And I'm lying down.
721
00:42:29,881 --> 00:42:32,216
And I'm slowly
722
00:42:32,300 --> 00:42:35,594
reaching downstairs.
723
00:42:35,887 --> 00:42:37,262
Grab it. Tell me
how big it is.
724
00:42:38,806 --> 00:42:41,975
Listen, Heather,
I'm feeling kind of awkward.
Oz.
725
00:42:42,143 --> 00:42:45,854
If we can't physically be
with each other, then we have
to learn to be more vocal.
726
00:42:46,231 --> 00:42:48,398
Right?
Right. Okay.
727
00:42:48,483 --> 00:42:52,778
Okay, here we go.
I'm reaching in my pants now.
728
00:42:53,112 --> 00:42:54,947
And I'm rubbing it
for you, Heather.
729
00:42:55,031 --> 00:42:57,699
(SIGHS)
And it feels so good.
730
00:42:57,784 --> 00:42:59,993
Yeah, me too.
Oh, yeah.
731
00:43:00,119 --> 00:43:01,787
I got...
(BEEPS)
732
00:43:01,996 --> 00:43:04,081
Call waiting.
733
00:43:04,332 --> 00:43:06,083
Oh, shit. Hello?
734
00:43:06,459 --> 00:43:08,919
(MAN SPEAKING IN
MIDDLE EASTERN DIALECT)
Wrong number.
735
00:43:09,087 --> 00:43:10,837
(CONTINUES SPEAKING)
736
00:43:11,005 --> 00:43:15,175
Hey. Hello.
Wrong number.
(CONTINUES)
737
00:43:15,343 --> 00:43:18,553
All right, look, man.
I got my hand on my dick
right now, okay,
738
00:43:18,638 --> 00:43:21,181
and I'm trying to have sex
with my girlfriend
over the phone.
739
00:43:21,266 --> 00:43:25,644
Emir, good for you, man.
740
00:43:26,688 --> 00:43:28,522
Okay.
Hey.
741
00:43:28,940 --> 00:43:31,275
Sorry about that.
Where were we?
742
00:43:31,359 --> 00:43:33,610
I think you were
reaching for something.
743
00:43:33,778 --> 00:43:35,654
Oh, yeah.
744
00:43:36,614 --> 00:43:41,576
Oh, yeah, Heather.
I'm rubbing it and
it feels so good.
745
00:43:42,203 --> 00:43:46,206
Hey, Oz, I'm touching myself.
What else do you want me
to do?
746
00:43:46,833 --> 00:43:48,792
STEVE: Oh, Heather, baby.
747
00:43:48,876 --> 00:43:51,545
Why don't you tell me
my dick is as big as
Stifler's.
748
00:43:51,713 --> 00:43:52,796
Stifler, get off!
749
00:43:52,880 --> 00:43:55,757
I am getting off
just listening to
the two of you guys.
750
00:43:55,925 --> 00:43:56,967
Keep going.
751
00:43:57,051 --> 00:43:58,719
I think we should try
this another time.
752
00:43:59,053 --> 00:44:01,805
Yeah, all right.
Bye-bye. I love you.
753
00:44:01,889 --> 00:44:03,056
I love you.
754
00:44:03,182 --> 00:44:05,142
Come on, you guys.
I was almost there!
755
00:44:05,226 --> 00:44:06,685
Nice talking
with you, Steven.
756
00:44:06,811 --> 00:44:08,270
Stifler, man!
757
00:44:08,521 --> 00:44:10,939
(SCOFFS)
Repressed.
758
00:44:17,113 --> 00:44:18,363
(GIGGLING)
759
00:44:21,200 --> 00:44:22,617
Check it out.
760
00:44:22,785 --> 00:44:24,870
Potential lesbians
leaving the building.
761
00:44:33,504 --> 00:44:35,297
All right.
Now is my chance.
762
00:44:35,465 --> 00:44:40,177
I need confirmation.
Stifler. Hey, man,
what are you doing?
763
00:44:40,345 --> 00:44:41,845
(GROANS)
Go get him.
764
00:44:41,971 --> 00:44:43,430
You ass. Stifler, get out.
765
00:44:44,432 --> 00:44:46,183
Stifler. Stifler.
766
00:44:48,227 --> 00:44:49,227
Stifler.
767
00:44:50,355 --> 00:44:53,607
Oh, shit, dude!
I found a dildo!
768
00:44:53,691 --> 00:44:54,775
Stifler.
769
00:44:54,859 --> 00:44:56,777
Big blue rubber dicks
for everyone!
770
00:44:57,028 --> 00:44:59,112
The people demand
rubber dicks!
771
00:44:59,197 --> 00:45:00,322
Finch, help. Finch!
772
00:45:00,448 --> 00:45:03,033
Dildo, dildo, dildo!
773
00:45:04,619 --> 00:45:06,203
What are you doing?
774
00:45:06,454 --> 00:45:08,080
I'm looking for
more lesbian artifacts.
775
00:45:09,290 --> 00:45:11,291
Where'd you get this?
Finch's ass.
776
00:45:12,543 --> 00:45:14,461
Oh, my God.
Shit!
Guys, they're back.
777
00:45:17,173 --> 00:45:19,591
Stall 'em!
778
00:45:19,759 --> 00:45:20,967
Come on. Come on!
779
00:45:21,135 --> 00:45:22,719
Come on. Come on.
780
00:45:22,804 --> 00:45:24,096
This is awesome!
781
00:45:24,263 --> 00:45:26,390
Danielle, Amber, hi.
Hey.
782
00:45:26,557 --> 00:45:29,726
Just needed the paper, huh?
Mm-hmm.
783
00:45:31,979 --> 00:45:35,565
Which room? Which room?
I can't remember shit.
I was too excited.
784
00:45:35,733 --> 00:45:38,235
I'm in a lesbian stronghold.
Was it in here?
785
00:45:38,319 --> 00:45:40,195
Shit, man. Why are you
asking me so many questions?
786
00:45:40,279 --> 00:45:41,613
Was it in here?
787
00:45:41,781 --> 00:45:44,491
Maybe.
What do you mean "maybe"?
Was it or was it not here?
788
00:45:44,909 --> 00:45:46,326
Happy painting, boys.
789
00:45:48,621 --> 00:45:49,830
You gotta get out of there.
790
00:45:49,997 --> 00:45:52,165
They're inside.
Oh, shit balls.
791
00:45:58,131 --> 00:45:59,548
Very original, Steven.
792
00:45:59,632 --> 00:46:00,966
Don't call me Steven.
793
00:46:12,437 --> 00:46:13,562
Ow!
794
00:46:13,646 --> 00:46:16,731
DANIELLE:
I can wear that
little leopard bikini of mine.
795
00:46:16,899 --> 00:46:19,526
AMBER:
I love that one.
It's so cute on you.
796
00:46:19,694 --> 00:46:21,153
Help unzip me, please.
Oh, yeah.
797
00:46:21,320 --> 00:46:23,864
Okay.
Thanks.
798
00:46:24,031 --> 00:46:26,283
Hey, have I shown you
my cute little pink shoes?
799
00:46:26,367 --> 00:46:28,076
Does it match the pink bikini?
800
00:46:28,244 --> 00:46:30,287
STEVE: They're
getting naked.
801
00:46:34,375 --> 00:46:35,709
Cute.
Thank you.
802
00:46:39,714 --> 00:46:42,257
(BOTH LAUGHING)
803
00:46:43,342 --> 00:46:45,343
Oh, shit.
She's de-pantsing.
804
00:46:45,428 --> 00:46:47,053
Oh, man.
805
00:46:47,221 --> 00:46:51,308
Wait a minute. They can't hear
us inside? We won't cross over
their radio or anything?
806
00:46:51,392 --> 00:46:54,561
KEVIN OVER SPEAKERS:
No, man. These work
on a C.B. Frequency.
807
00:46:54,729 --> 00:46:56,396
This girl is so hot.
808
00:47:01,486 --> 00:47:04,404
Two possible lesbians
in their bras and panties.
809
00:47:04,780 --> 00:47:06,990
Lesbians?
Uh...
810
00:47:07,074 --> 00:47:10,702
CASHIER:
Did you say lesbians?
Hot lesbians!
811
00:47:13,956 --> 00:47:15,916
Don't touch me.
I'm not.
812
00:47:25,927 --> 00:47:28,595
That better not have been
what I thought it was.
813
00:47:31,224 --> 00:47:33,225
AMBER: This is
not gonna fit. Look
at you and look at me.
814
00:47:33,392 --> 00:47:36,728
Too big.
I'll get you
the blue stringy number.
815
00:47:39,774 --> 00:47:41,441
Johnny West is missing.
816
00:47:42,610 --> 00:47:44,945
Maybe you kicked it
under the bed.
817
00:47:47,031 --> 00:47:49,032
Okay, let me look.
818
00:47:49,116 --> 00:47:51,368
Wait. Didn't you have it
when we were downstairs?
819
00:47:51,536 --> 00:47:53,620
Oh, maybe.
820
00:47:54,956 --> 00:47:56,623
Let's go.
821
00:47:56,707 --> 00:47:59,000
Guys, get the hell
out of there right now.
822
00:48:01,462 --> 00:48:02,796
Come on. Come on.
823
00:48:02,880 --> 00:48:05,131
It's clear!
Go, go, go!
824
00:48:10,972 --> 00:48:13,431
They're coming back.
825
00:48:17,979 --> 00:48:21,022
Oh, I'm just so glad
I found him. He's my
favorite collectible.
826
00:48:21,274 --> 00:48:22,691
I know.
827
00:48:23,109 --> 00:48:24,109
(BLOWS KISS)
828
00:48:25,319 --> 00:48:27,904
(WHISPERING)
Hey, guys, we got
nothing to worry about.
829
00:48:27,989 --> 00:48:31,658
I just remembered.
I got that dildo
from the other bedroom.
830
00:48:34,787 --> 00:48:37,622
Holy shit! There's
a dildo in my drawer.
831
00:48:37,873 --> 00:48:41,501
Oh, my God! You could
have asked me if you
wanted to borrow it.
832
00:48:41,627 --> 00:48:42,627
AMBER: I've never even
seen it before.
833
00:48:42,712 --> 00:48:44,170
Stop it.
Shh!
834
00:48:45,590 --> 00:48:46,673
FINCH: Your breath stinks.
835
00:48:47,091 --> 00:48:49,968
What the hell was that?
I don't know.
Call 911.
836
00:48:50,886 --> 00:48:53,263
Hey, hey! No, no, no!
Hold on! Hold on!
837
00:48:53,347 --> 00:48:55,098
No 911.
Don't call the police.
838
00:48:55,182 --> 00:48:56,933
My God, it's
the painting kids.
839
00:48:57,018 --> 00:48:58,643
I don't care.
I'm still calling the cops.
840
00:48:59,186 --> 00:49:01,021
Okay, no, no, no.
This isn't right.
841
00:49:01,439 --> 00:49:04,107
Okay, look.
Stifler did break in here.
You dick!
842
00:49:04,191 --> 00:49:06,693
But we just
followed him in
to get him out.
843
00:49:07,278 --> 00:49:08,612
(BOTH SCOFF)
844
00:49:08,779 --> 00:49:12,115
I just wanted proof that you
chicks are really lesbians.
845
00:49:16,162 --> 00:49:18,788
You wanna
mess with 'em?
846
00:49:18,956 --> 00:49:21,041
Yeah, it'll be fun.
847
00:49:21,208 --> 00:49:23,251
Let's do it.
Let's do it.
848
00:49:24,211 --> 00:49:26,504
You guys like that?
849
00:49:34,722 --> 00:49:37,307
Ozzy, stand by
for confirmation.
850
00:49:39,060 --> 00:49:41,645
That's a big 10-4
on the confirmation.
851
00:49:43,814 --> 00:49:47,942
Sounds like your little
friends outside
wanna play too.
852
00:49:51,155 --> 00:49:52,697
You won't be needing this.
853
00:49:54,241 --> 00:49:55,909
Who wants me
to touch Amber?
854
00:49:57,328 --> 00:49:58,662
MAN ON RADIO: I do, I do.
855
00:49:58,746 --> 00:49:59,746
Who the hell is that?
856
00:50:00,289 --> 00:50:01,539
Who's this?
857
00:50:01,957 --> 00:50:05,126
Uh, this is John... Smith.
858
00:50:06,462 --> 00:50:08,254
I'm turning off
my radio now.
859
00:50:09,382 --> 00:50:13,635
Okay. (CHUCKLES)
Where should I touch Amber?
860
00:50:14,053 --> 00:50:16,137
Ass, baby.
Feel that ass!
861
00:50:16,222 --> 00:50:18,890
Okay.
(GIGGLES)
862
00:50:19,058 --> 00:50:22,268
(SIGHS)
That's nice.
Oooh.
863
00:50:25,231 --> 00:50:28,983
I know.
You feel his ass first.
864
00:50:30,403 --> 00:50:31,444
Excuse me?
865
00:50:31,696 --> 00:50:34,072
Yeah, yeah, I like that.
That's good.
It's good.
866
00:50:34,365 --> 00:50:37,075
Yeah, so I got some painting
I should, uh... It's...
867
00:50:37,410 --> 00:50:40,120
Jim, hold on.
I can handle it.
868
00:50:40,538 --> 00:50:42,914
What?
Stifler, I'm comfortable
with my sexuality.
869
00:50:43,290 --> 00:50:45,583
And I would love
to see that show.
870
00:50:45,668 --> 00:50:47,752
Bravo!
871
00:50:48,129 --> 00:50:49,462
(BOTH GROAN)
872
00:50:51,507 --> 00:50:53,925
One finger, on the cheek.
873
00:50:54,135 --> 00:50:56,761
We want palm
874
00:50:57,638 --> 00:50:58,763
grasping.
875
00:50:59,265 --> 00:51:01,975
Oh, that's too much.
No, no, no.
876
00:51:02,101 --> 00:51:03,810
You don't touch,
we don't touch.
877
00:51:04,186 --> 00:51:06,020
Squeeze his ass, son.
You'll like it.
878
00:51:06,313 --> 00:51:07,814
DANIELLE: Come on, boys.
879
00:51:08,107 --> 00:51:11,943
Jesus Christ.
Oh, shit.
(GROANS)
880
00:51:13,571 --> 00:51:15,739
I'm touching his ass.
I'm touching his ass.
881
00:51:17,533 --> 00:51:19,242
Red Leader,
what's your position?
882
00:51:19,410 --> 00:51:23,329
I'm touching his ass.
I'm touching his ass.
Mommy!
883
00:51:24,790 --> 00:51:25,957
You can go.
884
00:51:26,125 --> 00:51:27,584
That really wasn't bad.
885
00:51:27,710 --> 00:51:30,170
I wanna go home.
AMBER:
That's too bad.
886
00:51:30,588 --> 00:51:32,172
(GIGGLING)
887
00:51:32,506 --> 00:51:34,799
Never mind.
I'm staying.
888
00:51:35,092 --> 00:51:37,510
Danielle is feeling
my breasts.
889
00:51:40,181 --> 00:51:42,015
No way, dude!
890
00:51:42,349 --> 00:51:45,810
Her breasts are so luscious.
What a wonderful Christmas
gift you bought the boys.
891
00:51:46,437 --> 00:51:49,022
AMBER:
My nipples are so hard.
892
00:51:49,190 --> 00:51:51,900
(GIRLS GIGGLING)
I think I can
fix these.
893
00:51:56,447 --> 00:51:57,530
(SHUDDERS)
894
00:51:58,532 --> 00:52:00,074
JIM: Sweet Jesus.
895
00:52:01,994 --> 00:52:03,036
Your turn.
896
00:52:04,455 --> 00:52:05,789
Oh, yeah!
897
00:52:05,873 --> 00:52:09,209
No, no, no. (LAUGHS)
Mmm-mmm.
898
00:52:09,585 --> 00:52:11,211
Him.
899
00:52:14,882 --> 00:52:16,216
Kiss.
900
00:52:16,550 --> 00:52:18,384
Dude, no.
901
00:52:18,886 --> 00:52:21,721
Wait. What?
Oh, yeah.
You want more?
902
00:52:22,181 --> 00:52:24,766
We want more.
Go get him, tiger.
903
00:52:25,059 --> 00:52:26,392
You'll like it.
You're gonna love it.
904
00:52:26,477 --> 00:52:27,727
DANIELLE: Do it for us.
905
00:52:28,062 --> 00:52:29,062
(LAUGHING)
906
00:52:31,065 --> 00:52:32,607
Okay, dude.
907
00:52:34,902 --> 00:52:36,986
One, two,
908
00:52:38,197 --> 00:52:40,031
three.
(GIRLS GROAN)
909
00:52:40,407 --> 00:52:41,574
That doesn't even count.
910
00:52:41,659 --> 00:52:43,243
That counted.
That totally counted.
911
00:52:43,410 --> 00:52:44,702
That's how you kiss
your mother.
912
00:52:44,829 --> 00:52:45,995
Don't you say anything!
913
00:52:46,080 --> 00:52:49,165
Make it real.
You do that,
914
00:52:49,250 --> 00:52:51,376
we'll do anything you want.
915
00:52:51,752 --> 00:52:53,086
Anything?
916
00:52:53,337 --> 00:52:54,337
Anything.
917
00:52:54,755 --> 00:52:56,714
Anything.
Anything.
918
00:52:57,758 --> 00:52:59,050
You better like it.
919
00:52:59,134 --> 00:53:01,302
I promise. Promise.
I wouldn't lie.
920
00:53:04,056 --> 00:53:05,682
Come on.
921
00:53:06,308 --> 00:53:07,976
(GROANS)
922
00:53:09,812 --> 00:53:11,938
That is what
I'm talking about.
923
00:53:12,022 --> 00:53:14,107
Ah, Kev, you can look.
924
00:53:15,401 --> 00:53:16,860
Ooh!
925
00:53:16,944 --> 00:53:18,653
(GIRLS LAUGHING)
926
00:53:18,821 --> 00:53:20,697
AMBER: That's it.
927
00:53:20,865 --> 00:53:23,032
DANIELLE: Where's your tongue?
928
00:53:23,242 --> 00:53:25,326
(COUGHING)
(RETCHING)
929
00:53:28,289 --> 00:53:29,873
Good boys.
930
00:53:29,999 --> 00:53:32,667
DANIELLE: Very good.
Dude, you're
a fuckin' lousy kisser.
931
00:53:32,751 --> 00:53:34,586
What? I wasn't trying!
932
00:53:35,045 --> 00:53:36,629
That's not fair!
933
00:53:36,714 --> 00:53:39,299
I wasn't trying there.
I'm really... I'm not...
934
00:53:39,508 --> 00:53:40,925
No judgment.
Nope.
935
00:53:41,635 --> 00:53:43,386
Wait a second.
You were trying?
936
00:53:43,470 --> 00:53:44,804
Fuck no!
You were trying!
937
00:53:44,889 --> 00:53:45,889
You were trying?
You were trying!
938
00:53:45,973 --> 00:53:48,808
Oh, my... That's disg...
Oh, I kissed Jim!
939
00:53:48,893 --> 00:53:50,810
Silence. Silence.
Silence!
940
00:53:51,145 --> 00:53:53,062
FINCH: Ladies.
Yes?
941
00:53:53,147 --> 00:53:54,856
As you were.
942
00:53:56,984 --> 00:53:59,110
Here we go.
Let's do it.
943
00:54:00,112 --> 00:54:01,154
Okay.
944
00:54:07,244 --> 00:54:09,370
Ooh. Ahh.
945
00:54:09,455 --> 00:54:11,372
DANIELLE: Amber!
946
00:54:11,540 --> 00:54:13,082
(AMBER GIGGLES)
947
00:54:13,500 --> 00:54:16,920
Them girls sound like the two
transvestites we picked up
in Biloxi, Cooter.
948
00:54:17,129 --> 00:54:19,422
Honey, come on. Food's ready.
I'm not hungry!
949
00:54:21,967 --> 00:54:23,593
(BOTH SIGHING)
950
00:54:26,388 --> 00:54:27,639
I can't...
951
00:54:29,183 --> 00:54:31,392
I can't believe it.
Okay, okay, just do it.
952
00:54:32,603 --> 00:54:33,811
Ooh!
Oh.
953
00:54:33,938 --> 00:54:35,229
(BOTH SIGHING)
954
00:54:35,314 --> 00:54:37,190
FINCH: Oh, God.
It was worth it.
955
00:54:37,399 --> 00:54:39,067
Hello!
Oh!
956
00:54:39,193 --> 00:54:40,193
(GIGGLING)
957
00:54:42,446 --> 00:54:43,571
Whoo!
958
00:54:50,371 --> 00:54:51,663
Keep going.
959
00:54:51,789 --> 00:54:53,206
Uh, Amber.
960
00:54:55,668 --> 00:54:58,127
Okay, I think
that's enough.
That's good.
961
00:54:58,212 --> 00:54:59,796
I want more.
Hell, yeah.
962
00:54:59,880 --> 00:55:01,673
Yeah.
I want more, too, baby.
963
00:55:02,049 --> 00:55:03,424
Mm-hmm.
964
00:55:03,509 --> 00:55:07,887
We're gonna get more
physical as soon as
we get some...
965
00:55:09,390 --> 00:55:10,556
Hand jobs.
966
00:55:10,641 --> 00:55:11,849
Okay!
967
00:55:13,727 --> 00:55:15,395
Yeah.
Hand jobs.
968
00:55:16,689 --> 00:55:18,064
You, do him.
969
00:55:18,565 --> 00:55:20,108
We love to watch.
970
00:55:21,235 --> 00:55:22,485
I'm sorry?
AMBER: Yeah.
971
00:55:22,569 --> 00:55:24,737
You go. You go.
We go. We go.
972
00:55:25,030 --> 00:55:26,531
(DANIELLE CHUCKLING)
973
00:55:29,410 --> 00:55:31,744
AMBER: Don't be a wimp.
974
00:55:34,665 --> 00:55:39,043
Okay. It's okay.
I know what I have to do.
975
00:55:39,712 --> 00:55:42,463
I need to keep
this party goin'.
976
00:55:43,424 --> 00:55:45,591
I'm takin' one
for the team.
977
00:55:46,677 --> 00:55:49,679
Mother of God!
Come on, you pussies.
We had 'em.
978
00:55:49,763 --> 00:55:52,432
I am not touching that.
Put that thing away,
Stifler.
979
00:55:52,599 --> 00:55:55,309
Why can't you guys
be team players, huh?
980
00:55:55,936 --> 00:55:57,812
I was the one doin'
all the sacrificin'.
981
00:55:58,147 --> 00:55:59,147
(LAUGHING)
982
00:56:00,232 --> 00:56:01,315
Whoo!
983
00:56:02,276 --> 00:56:04,569
And now, for our
devoted listeners,
984
00:56:04,653 --> 00:56:06,112
back to the show.
985
00:56:06,780 --> 00:56:09,407
Amber, let me
try that dildo.
986
00:56:09,908 --> 00:56:10,908
(CHEERING)
987
00:56:12,786 --> 00:56:14,537
OZZY:
Okay. Now wait
just a minute.
988
00:56:14,621 --> 00:56:17,498
Stifler wanted to give
you two hand jobs?
989
00:56:17,666 --> 00:56:21,335
No. Stifler wanted
one from us.
990
00:56:21,670 --> 00:56:23,504
What? Bullshit.
991
00:56:23,589 --> 00:56:25,381
No, he did, okay?
And it was horrible, Oz.
992
00:56:25,966 --> 00:56:27,592
Very horrible.
993
00:56:27,676 --> 00:56:29,677
You guys, you wanna
play some "asshole"?
994
00:56:30,054 --> 00:56:32,430
JIM: Eh. Just watching
the game, Kev.
995
00:56:32,514 --> 00:56:34,474
Hey, I just wanna
do something together.
996
00:56:34,641 --> 00:56:36,601
We just did something
together.
997
00:56:36,977 --> 00:56:39,937
Very together.
STEVE:
Ho ho ho.
998
00:56:40,022 --> 00:56:41,981
Stifler Claus is here.
999
00:56:42,649 --> 00:56:45,193
Now, just so there's
no confusion,
1000
00:56:45,277 --> 00:56:49,280
Santa Porn has just
brought us some
heterosexual entertainment.
1001
00:56:50,407 --> 00:56:51,449
Here you go.
1002
00:56:52,659 --> 00:56:54,202
All right. Here.
1003
00:56:54,286 --> 00:56:57,288
And the Stifmeister's
provided us some
complimentary lubricant.
1004
00:56:57,498 --> 00:56:59,248
Whack away, Jim. Whack away.
1005
00:56:59,333 --> 00:57:00,875
Does this stuff really
make a difference?
1006
00:57:00,959 --> 00:57:03,669
Oh, yeah!
Really?
1007
00:57:04,588 --> 00:57:06,506
(PHONE RINGING)
1008
00:57:10,010 --> 00:57:13,596
Stifmeister's palace
of love...
Uh, straight love.
1009
00:57:14,723 --> 00:57:18,309
Oh, hey.
Yeah, I'm fine.
How about you?
1010
00:57:18,477 --> 00:57:19,560
That's Stifler's mom.
1011
00:57:19,645 --> 00:57:20,853
Silence.
1012
00:57:20,938 --> 00:57:22,897
I didn't really think
you were gonna be
in Michigan this summer.
1013
00:57:23,315 --> 00:57:25,066
Yeah, you're more
than welcome to be here.
1014
00:57:25,567 --> 00:57:30,279
Okay, stop by in a couple
of weeks. We're having
a big party. Okay, bye.
1015
00:57:30,364 --> 00:57:32,115
Uh, Stifler, was that...
1016
00:57:32,491 --> 00:57:33,825
Okay.
1017
00:57:35,202 --> 00:57:36,869
She's coming.
1018
00:57:41,708 --> 00:57:44,043
Stifler's mom
is coming here.
1019
00:57:46,713 --> 00:57:48,506
Efforts must be doubled.
1020
00:57:50,134 --> 00:57:52,343
"Efforts must be doubled."
1021
00:57:54,429 --> 00:57:55,763
Absolutely.
1022
00:58:03,355 --> 00:58:04,981
Jenny, where'd you
put my clarinet?
1023
00:58:05,065 --> 00:58:07,567
I think I shoved it
in your box. Thanks!
1024
00:58:07,651 --> 00:58:11,154
Bad man.
I'm a bad, bad man.
1025
00:58:13,574 --> 00:58:15,908
Michelle. Michelle. Hi. Hi.
1026
00:58:15,993 --> 00:58:17,785
Jim, what are
you doing here?
1027
00:58:17,870 --> 00:58:20,329
I... Well, I thought
you had said...
1028
00:58:20,414 --> 00:58:23,082
You can't just
stand out here.
1029
00:58:23,625 --> 00:58:27,503
JIM: Look, I need your help.
1030
00:58:27,588 --> 00:58:29,505
Nadia's coming back,
1031
00:58:29,590 --> 00:58:31,340
and I don't...
1032
00:58:31,425 --> 00:58:33,885
I don't wanna be this awkward,
1033
00:58:33,969 --> 00:58:36,846
bumbling, nervous guy
with her.
1034
00:58:36,930 --> 00:58:38,556
I don't wanna
seem like a dork.
1035
00:58:38,849 --> 00:58:40,808
Well, I know that feeling.
1036
00:58:40,893 --> 00:58:43,102
Yeah. Spend your life
playing in the band,
1037
00:58:43,187 --> 00:58:47,190
it doesn't exactly give you
the ultra-cool hipster image.
1038
00:58:47,274 --> 00:58:48,941
I think you're
pretty cool.
1039
00:58:49,651 --> 00:58:50,860
Seriously?
1040
00:58:51,278 --> 00:58:52,403
Yeah.
1041
00:58:55,282 --> 00:58:58,492
Michelle, why did you
ditch me after prom?
1042
00:58:58,994 --> 00:59:02,872
I didn't ditch you.
I... I just...
1043
00:59:02,956 --> 00:59:04,457
Our date was over.
1044
00:59:05,042 --> 00:59:07,251
I mean, did you
want some
1045
00:59:07,336 --> 00:59:10,129
funky, weird,
next-morning good-bye?
1046
00:59:11,673 --> 00:59:15,760
It's not like I wanted you
to pretend you were
in love with me or something.
1047
00:59:16,136 --> 00:59:17,595
Why would I pretend that?
1048
00:59:17,679 --> 00:59:19,138
Guys do that.
1049
00:59:20,682 --> 00:59:24,060
Yeah, well, I'm
not like other guys.
1050
00:59:25,312 --> 00:59:26,854
I know.
1051
00:59:27,606 --> 00:59:30,191
Okay, I'm gonna help you.
1052
00:59:30,275 --> 00:59:32,151
Really?
1053
00:59:32,236 --> 00:59:35,071
Yeah, I feel bad for
saying that you sucked,
1054
00:59:35,155 --> 00:59:36,656
even though you kind of did.
1055
00:59:38,492 --> 00:59:40,493
Oh. Okay.
1056
00:59:40,702 --> 00:59:42,578
I'm just...
1057
00:59:42,663 --> 00:59:44,872
Let's just get started.
Okay.
1058
00:59:44,957 --> 00:59:48,251
Okay. Now,
I'm a hot girl.
Right.
1059
00:59:48,335 --> 00:59:51,545
Okay, what do you wanna do?
I wanna feel your boobs.
1060
00:59:51,630 --> 00:59:53,422
No, you dingbat.
1061
00:59:53,507 --> 00:59:56,384
You don't just
go groping away.
1062
00:59:56,468 --> 00:59:59,512
You gotta preheat
the oven before you
stick in the turkey.
1063
01:00:01,932 --> 01:00:03,349
Okay.
1064
01:00:03,433 --> 01:00:04,850
Kiss me, here.
1065
01:00:11,149 --> 01:00:13,067
Good. Okay, now,
1066
01:00:13,235 --> 01:00:14,819
the collarbone.
Kiss.
1067
01:00:19,574 --> 01:00:21,367
Good, Jim.
1068
01:00:22,244 --> 01:00:23,703
Oh, you're making me wet.
1069
01:00:23,745 --> 01:00:27,290
Holy shit. Really?
No, I was just saying that
so you could practice.
1070
01:00:28,875 --> 01:00:30,418
Of course.
1071
01:00:31,336 --> 01:00:32,962
(WHISTLING)
1072
01:00:33,046 --> 01:00:34,964
MICHELLE: Okay, Jim.
That was good.
1073
01:00:35,048 --> 01:00:37,174
Let's work
on something else.
1074
01:00:51,898 --> 01:00:55,901
Does direction matter? Like
clockwise, counterclockwise,
make a difference?
1075
01:00:55,986 --> 01:00:58,446
Okay, Jim,
this is what
I'm talking about.
1076
01:00:58,572 --> 01:01:02,658
Your main problem is
you're so uptight.
1077
01:01:03,577 --> 01:01:07,246
Do I seem uptight
about my sexual stuff?
No.
1078
01:01:08,123 --> 01:01:10,833
The biggest pointer
I could give you is...
1079
01:01:10,917 --> 01:01:14,337
You have to feel comfortable
in any situation.
1080
01:01:15,130 --> 01:01:16,881
Stand up.
Hmm?
1081
01:01:17,591 --> 01:01:20,051
Stand up.
Ohh!
1082
01:01:20,385 --> 01:01:23,679
Now, this is
a fucked-up situation.
What happened to preheating?
1083
01:01:23,805 --> 01:01:26,599
We're skipping
a few chapters.
Oh, okay.
1084
01:01:26,767 --> 01:01:30,102
This is good.
This is good.
Obviously.
1085
01:01:30,187 --> 01:01:31,187
(CHUCKLES)
1086
01:01:31,438 --> 01:01:33,564
Ooh!
Gilligan's Island,
Mr. Howell.
1087
01:01:33,648 --> 01:01:35,399
What?
1088
01:01:35,567 --> 01:01:39,278
You've got to control
yourself and think of
something nonsexual.
1089
01:01:39,446 --> 01:01:42,740
I haven't even touched
you yet, and you're turning
into the Sears Tower.
1090
01:01:43,116 --> 01:01:45,826
I'm sorry.
Yeah, uh, nonsexual.
1091
01:01:45,911 --> 01:01:48,621
Right, right.
Um, okay.
1092
01:01:49,247 --> 01:01:51,457
Chairs.
Chairs.
Good.
1093
01:01:51,541 --> 01:01:55,336
Uh, uh...
Mastodons.
1094
01:01:55,796 --> 01:01:58,089
Uh, uh...
Good.
1095
01:01:58,757 --> 01:02:00,341
Cleaning my bathroom.
1096
01:02:01,551 --> 01:02:03,427
Dung beetles.
Good.
1097
01:02:03,595 --> 01:02:05,971
Yeah.
Okay. Now,
don't freak out.
1098
01:02:06,139 --> 01:02:09,183
I'm gonna do something
to push your threshold.
Okay...
1099
01:02:09,351 --> 01:02:11,644
Oh, that's cold!
What are you doing?
1100
01:02:11,812 --> 01:02:15,147
I just shoved
a trumpet in your ass.
Aren't instruments fun?
1101
01:02:15,399 --> 01:02:18,567
Okay, I think you've just
crossed my threshold.
(DOOR RATTLING)
1102
01:02:18,652 --> 01:02:20,194
We gotta go!
1103
01:02:28,787 --> 01:02:32,081
Call me in two weeks.
I'll be home then.
We can finish lessons.
1104
01:02:32,165 --> 01:02:33,916
Okay.
Oh!
1105
01:02:38,588 --> 01:02:40,172
Pointer,
less tongue.
1106
01:02:42,467 --> 01:02:46,011
(TRUMPET PLAYING)
1107
01:02:58,692 --> 01:03:01,485
OZZY:
What is it? A guest book?
Yeah, and look at this entry.
1108
01:03:02,028 --> 01:03:04,405
"Best thing was the blowout
at Tom Myers' place.
1109
01:03:04,531 --> 01:03:06,949
There he is.
"A night not soon
to be forgotten.
1110
01:03:07,033 --> 01:03:09,702
"August '93."
It's your brother, man.
Look.
1111
01:03:09,786 --> 01:03:11,662
Yeah, his cottage was
right down on the beach.
1112
01:03:11,746 --> 01:03:15,207
Guys, this is what
our party's gotta be.
1113
01:03:15,375 --> 01:03:18,294
Something we'll always
remember, you know?
Yes, definitely.
1114
01:03:18,378 --> 01:03:21,338
Absolutely.
1115
01:03:21,423 --> 01:03:22,631
You go fish.
1116
01:03:22,716 --> 01:03:24,258
Finch, we're playing gin.
1117
01:03:25,343 --> 01:03:27,470
Oh.
1118
01:03:27,637 --> 01:03:29,597
Gin.
1119
01:03:49,743 --> 01:03:52,077
(GRUNTING)
1120
01:03:53,246 --> 01:03:54,246
Huh!
1121
01:04:20,941 --> 01:04:24,401
What the fuck?
(GROANS)
1122
01:05:01,815 --> 01:05:03,440
"Dear Jim,
1123
01:05:04,693 --> 01:05:08,404
"Chicago is beautiful,
but it would be better
if you were here.
1124
01:05:08,863 --> 01:05:11,532
"I'm counting the days.
Love, Nadia."
1125
01:05:14,369 --> 01:05:17,037
Well, I wish
you were here, Nadia.
1126
01:05:40,061 --> 01:05:42,187
(WOMAN MOANING)
1127
01:05:45,317 --> 01:05:47,901
Have you been dirty?
Oh, yes, baby.
1128
01:05:48,028 --> 01:05:52,489
I've been dirty.
Do you want me
to clean you?
1129
01:05:52,574 --> 01:05:55,618
"Apply a few drops
to achieve desired
lubrication."
1130
01:05:56,620 --> 01:05:57,870
All right.
1131
01:06:02,208 --> 01:06:05,794
Is that a loofah,
or are you just
glad to see me?
1132
01:06:05,879 --> 01:06:08,088
Oh, what the hell.
1133
01:06:21,227 --> 01:06:24,229
(MOANING CONTINUES)
1134
01:06:26,650 --> 01:06:28,651
Shit.
1135
01:06:29,944 --> 01:06:31,612
Ohh!
1136
01:06:32,572 --> 01:06:34,365
Dear God!
1137
01:06:35,200 --> 01:06:37,034
I been missin' out.
1138
01:06:37,535 --> 01:06:39,161
(WOMAN MOANING)
1139
01:06:44,918 --> 01:06:46,293
Uh-oh.
1140
01:06:47,420 --> 01:06:48,962
Ow.
1141
01:06:55,428 --> 01:06:58,097
Oh. Oh, shit! Ah!
1142
01:07:03,436 --> 01:07:04,603
Oh, shit!
1143
01:07:04,854 --> 01:07:07,481
(RIPPING SOUND)
Oh! Ow! Jeez...
1144
01:07:10,652 --> 01:07:13,445
OZZY:
Everybody okay?
I'm fine.
1145
01:07:13,613 --> 01:07:15,489
I'm fine.
Everything's fine.
1146
01:07:15,657 --> 01:07:18,200
STEVE: Shut the fuck up,
or I'll break down this door
and pummel your ass!
1147
01:07:18,284 --> 01:07:20,953
No, don't come in here.
I'm fine. Everything...
1148
01:07:21,037 --> 01:07:23,497
I just fell out of the bed.
Okay, good night, then.
KEVIN: You sure?
1149
01:07:23,581 --> 01:07:26,166
KEVIN: Okay. We'll see you
in the morning.
Uh, night.
1150
01:07:34,801 --> 01:07:39,138
Oh!
1151
01:07:40,181 --> 01:07:43,142
Shit!
Oh, shit!
1152
01:07:48,064 --> 01:07:50,065
Aah!
(RIPPING)
1153
01:07:50,150 --> 01:07:52,609
Ow! Aah!
1154
01:07:59,576 --> 01:08:01,827
(RIPPING)
Ow!
1155
01:08:06,666 --> 01:08:08,834
MAN ON PHONE:
Poison control.
Hello?
1156
01:08:09,002 --> 01:08:11,086
Uh, hi, hi.
1157
01:08:11,171 --> 01:08:15,090
Uh, yeah.
Yeah, I kind of, uh,
1158
01:08:15,175 --> 01:08:17,676
uh, Super Glued myself
1159
01:08:17,844 --> 01:08:20,471
to, uh, myself.
1160
01:08:20,972 --> 01:08:23,557
No. Uh, no.
1161
01:08:23,641 --> 01:08:25,851
Ow. Don't, uh,
don't send an ambulance.
1162
01:08:26,019 --> 01:08:30,063
Look, is there anything,
uh, you know,
around the house?
1163
01:08:33,693 --> 01:08:35,027
Paint thinner.
1164
01:09:17,070 --> 01:09:18,570
David?
1165
01:09:31,584 --> 01:09:32,960
Shit.
1166
01:09:36,840 --> 01:09:39,341
(SIREN BLARING)
1167
01:09:39,425 --> 01:09:41,677
Don't move!
Stay where you are!
1168
01:09:42,428 --> 01:09:44,596
Hands where
we can see 'em!
1169
01:09:44,931 --> 01:09:47,724
Both hands! Get the other
hand up, goddamn it!
1170
01:09:49,602 --> 01:09:51,353
I can't! I can't!
I'm glued!
1171
01:09:51,437 --> 01:09:55,440
I'm glued!
Sorry.
1172
01:09:55,942 --> 01:09:58,360
Relax your hands.
1173
01:09:58,444 --> 01:10:00,445
I'll take it
from here, okay?
1174
01:10:01,781 --> 01:10:03,532
OZZY:
Don't worry, Jimbo.
You're gonna be fine, buddy.
1175
01:10:03,616 --> 01:10:06,243
Jim, this happens
to the best of us.
1176
01:10:11,165 --> 01:10:14,251
Left foot first.
Easy does it. Good.
1177
01:10:14,919 --> 01:10:17,713
Watch your head.
All right. Take a seat.
1178
01:10:17,797 --> 01:10:19,131
Ahh!
1179
01:10:19,632 --> 01:10:21,967
Excuse me, sir.
Are you a family member?
1180
01:10:22,260 --> 01:10:24,887
Fuck, no!
This is just
too good to miss!
1181
01:10:24,971 --> 01:10:28,307
Okay, sir, you're just
gonna have to wait here.
All right?
1182
01:10:33,688 --> 01:10:37,524
(CHUCKLING)
This summer's
turning out to be great.
1183
01:10:52,582 --> 01:10:56,335
Mucilage is, um,
dangerous territory.
1184
01:10:56,461 --> 01:11:00,923
And I would think
any adhesive product
1185
01:11:01,132 --> 01:11:04,343
would have a warning
right on the...
On the tube.
1186
01:11:05,178 --> 01:11:08,138
I thought it was,
uh, uh, lubricant.
1187
01:11:08,514 --> 01:11:11,850
Okay, I was trying
to use lubricant.
1188
01:11:12,602 --> 01:11:16,647
Oh.
1189
01:11:18,858 --> 01:11:22,152
Son, couldn't you have left
that disgusting thing
at home?
1190
01:11:23,237 --> 01:11:24,529
Excuse me?
1191
01:11:25,281 --> 01:11:28,659
Well, that kind
of material is
offensive to me.
1192
01:11:29,160 --> 01:11:31,995
(SARCASTICALLY)
Oh, well, we're sorry.
1193
01:11:33,456 --> 01:11:36,375
But you see, my son
couldn't leave it at home
1194
01:11:36,459 --> 01:11:39,836
because he's having a bit
of a medical emergency.
1195
01:11:39,921 --> 01:11:41,213
That's right.
Thanks, Dad.
1196
01:11:41,297 --> 01:11:44,091
Your opinion of his taste
in video rentals,
I'm afraid,
1197
01:11:44,175 --> 01:11:46,218
is, uh, not
a priority, lady.
1198
01:11:46,302 --> 01:11:50,180
Dad...
Okay? It's at the bottom
of the totem pole.
1199
01:11:50,556 --> 01:11:51,765
Okay?
1200
01:11:53,101 --> 01:11:55,018
(WHISPERING)
Thank you, Dad. Okay.
1201
01:11:55,103 --> 01:11:58,981
My son is sitting
here right now
1202
01:11:59,065 --> 01:12:01,692
with his hand
glued to his penis.
1203
01:12:03,152 --> 01:12:05,654
But that doesn't mean
anything to you,
does it?
1204
01:12:05,738 --> 01:12:07,990
Because you
don't have a penis.
1205
01:12:08,157 --> 01:12:09,908
Or maybe you do!
Dad...
1206
01:12:10,034 --> 01:12:12,703
Sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Ow!
1207
01:12:12,787 --> 01:12:17,165
You know, it just bugs me
when people speak
before they think.
1208
01:12:17,750 --> 01:12:19,960
You know, they speak...
1209
01:12:25,466 --> 01:12:26,925
How you doin', son?
1210
01:12:27,010 --> 01:12:28,427
I've been better.
Ah.
1211
01:12:31,556 --> 01:12:34,182
NOAH:
Boy, that doesn't look
too bad, Jim.
1212
01:12:34,851 --> 01:12:36,309
Good job, Doctor.
1213
01:12:36,394 --> 01:12:39,271
The swelling should subside
in about eight or nine days.
1214
01:12:39,439 --> 01:12:41,606
Eight or... Eight or nine...
1215
01:12:43,443 --> 01:12:46,069
Beach party's in a week.
Nadia's coming.
1216
01:12:46,821 --> 01:12:49,698
Oh. Oh.
1217
01:12:50,366 --> 01:12:53,410
Doctor, my son has
a party in seven days,
1218
01:12:53,494 --> 01:12:55,662
and there's a young lady
coming
1219
01:12:55,747 --> 01:12:58,081
that he's been
waiting to...
1220
01:12:59,625 --> 01:13:02,127
He's been waiting
to get with.
1221
01:13:02,462 --> 01:13:05,630
I'd tell your son
to keep his pants on
during that party.
1222
01:13:05,965 --> 01:13:09,551
Oh, yes, yes. Believe me,
I will be doing that.
It goes without saying.
1223
01:13:09,635 --> 01:13:12,095
But if his pants
1224
01:13:12,263 --> 01:13:14,765
decide to come off
during the party,
1225
01:13:15,099 --> 01:13:17,684
could he have
full use of his,
1226
01:13:18,311 --> 01:13:21,396
um, penis?
1227
01:13:22,190 --> 01:13:23,607
Okay.
1228
01:13:26,152 --> 01:13:27,986
This should shave
a couple of days off.
1229
01:13:28,404 --> 01:13:30,197
Oh, good.
1230
01:13:30,990 --> 01:13:32,866
Thank you, Doctor.
1231
01:13:32,950 --> 01:13:34,159
Jim,
1232
01:13:35,369 --> 01:13:37,412
that's good news.
1233
01:13:38,331 --> 01:13:41,458
This has been
a good-news day, son.
Here. Put this on.
1234
01:13:42,085 --> 01:13:43,418
Little chilly
out there.
1235
01:13:45,922 --> 01:13:47,714
Well, here we are.
1236
01:13:49,008 --> 01:13:50,675
You know, Jim, um,
1237
01:13:50,760 --> 01:13:54,387
I think we should keep
your mother in the dark
about the incident tonight.
1238
01:13:54,555 --> 01:13:57,891
I think the whole glue
thing might get her
a little queasy.
1239
01:13:58,768 --> 01:14:01,478
I don't know how I get
myself into these things.
1240
01:14:05,942 --> 01:14:07,567
But thanks for understanding.
1241
01:14:07,902 --> 01:14:10,362
You've been really cool.
1242
01:14:10,446 --> 01:14:12,405
I mean, between this and,
1243
01:14:12,782 --> 01:14:14,241
you know...
1244
01:14:16,327 --> 01:14:20,205
You know, you may be
Jimbo or Jumbo
1245
01:14:20,289 --> 01:14:23,333
or Jimbodinny
to these guys in here,
1246
01:14:23,501 --> 01:14:26,461
but I want you to know
there are two people
1247
01:14:26,546 --> 01:14:29,714
who still remember where
James Emanuel Levenstein
came from.
1248
01:14:32,009 --> 01:14:34,052
We're awful proud
of you, son.
1249
01:14:36,013 --> 01:14:37,305
Thanks, Dad.
1250
01:14:37,974 --> 01:14:39,599
Don't forget
your penis cream.
1251
01:14:46,232 --> 01:14:50,110
(FINCH HUMMING)
1252
01:14:53,906 --> 01:14:56,616
(MOANING)
1253
01:14:59,954 --> 01:15:01,913
FINCH:
That was it.
1254
01:15:02,331 --> 01:15:05,959
Right there.
That was a pure
tantric moment.
1255
01:15:07,003 --> 01:15:09,754
The ficus, the water...
It was all erotic.
1256
01:15:10,590 --> 01:15:14,759
One more stimulant,
I would have had
full release.
1257
01:15:15,052 --> 01:15:19,181
Finch, stay the fuck
away from that ficus.
1258
01:15:19,265 --> 01:15:22,893
That's a jizz-free ficus.
(DAZED CHUCKLE)
1259
01:15:23,686 --> 01:15:27,230
There he is. Morning,
Jimbo. How's the twig
and giggleberries, man?
1260
01:15:27,315 --> 01:15:30,609
Oh, very colorful.
My dick looks like
a paint-by-numbers.
1261
01:15:31,611 --> 01:15:36,198
(CHUCKLES) Jim, you're
the only guy I know whose dick
needs an instruction manual.
1262
01:15:36,282 --> 01:15:38,617
(LAUGHING)
(PHONE RINGS)
1263
01:15:41,370 --> 01:15:42,913
Casa de Stifler.
1264
01:15:44,290 --> 01:15:45,957
Oh, hey.
1265
01:15:47,126 --> 01:15:50,503
What, you're here now?
No, that's cool.
1266
01:15:50,713 --> 01:15:53,131
You know, if you want to
hang out with these guys.
1267
01:15:53,382 --> 01:15:55,383
Okay, then.
I'll meet you out front.
1268
01:15:58,221 --> 01:15:59,596
Hey, Stifler, was that...
1269
01:15:59,680 --> 01:16:01,264
Eat shit, Shitbreak.
1270
01:16:03,100 --> 01:16:06,144
(DOOR CLOSES)
She's here.
1271
01:16:08,648 --> 01:16:10,482
My lady has arrived.
1272
01:16:13,653 --> 01:16:15,111
I gotta prepare.
1273
01:16:15,196 --> 01:16:18,073
Here we go.
Great.
Stifler's mom is here?
1274
01:16:18,157 --> 01:16:20,283
This could be
a disaster.
1275
01:16:20,451 --> 01:16:22,327
OZZY: Whoa.
1276
01:16:22,828 --> 01:16:25,288
Not unless Stifler's mom
drives a moped.
1277
01:16:25,498 --> 01:16:26,790
Moped?
1278
01:16:29,961 --> 01:16:33,421
Fuckers, fuckers, fuckers.
How you doin', boys?
1279
01:16:34,006 --> 01:16:36,716
That's Stifler's
little brother.
What are you doing here?
1280
01:16:36,801 --> 01:16:39,469
Pussy, man.
I'm here for the pussy.
1281
01:16:39,762 --> 01:16:41,304
Take a number.
1282
01:16:41,430 --> 01:16:45,100
Gentlemen, why all the noise?
Everybody knows that this is
my special day.
1283
01:16:45,184 --> 01:16:46,268
What is that?
1284
01:16:46,352 --> 01:16:49,187
Is that a fuckin' dress?
Are you wearing a dress?
1285
01:16:49,689 --> 01:16:52,107
Shitbreak, meet
my little brother.
1286
01:16:52,525 --> 01:16:54,359
Little brother,
meet Shitbreak.
1287
01:16:55,486 --> 01:16:57,654
That's your brother?
Yes.
1288
01:17:00,366 --> 01:17:02,534
My lady's not coming.
1289
01:17:03,995 --> 01:17:08,915
So my entire
stockpile is wasted,
1290
01:17:09,000 --> 01:17:11,376
and I look ridiculous!
1291
01:17:12,920 --> 01:17:14,963
Excuse me.
1292
01:17:18,968 --> 01:17:20,135
(YELLS)
1293
01:17:20,386 --> 01:17:22,220
That didn't look
too good.
No.
1294
01:17:22,972 --> 01:17:26,558
Let's go find your room.
Dude, where are
the fuckin' females?
1295
01:17:30,604 --> 01:17:32,731
I can't believe
I finally got you alone.
1296
01:17:32,815 --> 01:17:35,066
That only took,
what, six weeks?
1297
01:17:36,110 --> 01:17:38,862
So, uh, are you alone too?
1298
01:17:39,155 --> 01:17:41,406
Yep.
Good.
1299
01:17:41,907 --> 01:17:44,409
I'm all alone.
1300
01:17:45,161 --> 01:17:48,121
Guess what I had
in mind?
(CHATTERING)
1301
01:17:51,208 --> 01:17:53,543
Hey, Marco, can you
get your balls off me?
1302
01:17:54,587 --> 01:17:56,755
Thanks.
Heather, what the hell's
going on over there?
1303
01:17:57,089 --> 01:18:00,467
Uh, nothing.
It's just my flatmates.
1304
01:18:01,135 --> 01:18:03,303
I guess this is kind of
a lost cause, huh?
1305
01:18:03,429 --> 01:18:06,348
Yeah, I guess so.
I can't wait.
See ya this weekend?
1306
01:18:06,432 --> 01:18:09,267
I can't wait either.
Bye-bye.
1307
01:18:13,356 --> 01:18:16,024
Surprise!
Holy... Nadia!
1308
01:18:16,734 --> 01:18:19,611
You're here? You're here.
What are you doing here?
1309
01:18:19,987 --> 01:18:21,863
Jim, I got so tired
of sightseeing.
1310
01:18:22,239 --> 01:18:24,324
But you're...
You're early.
1311
01:18:24,950 --> 01:18:27,911
Okay.
Nice to know you.
1312
01:18:27,995 --> 01:18:30,538
I will leave.
No!
1313
01:18:31,082 --> 01:18:34,167
No. Uh, don't...
Don't leave.
1314
01:18:34,251 --> 01:18:36,294
Don't leave.
No leaving.
1315
01:18:36,462 --> 01:18:37,962
Uh, no. Uh...
1316
01:18:39,924 --> 01:18:43,218
It's just, I'm not
gonna be ready...
1317
01:18:44,136 --> 01:18:48,139
I mean, the party
won't be ready, uh,
until Saturday.
1318
01:18:49,433 --> 01:18:52,227
I can stay here
until then?
1319
01:18:52,311 --> 01:18:54,145
Yeah.
1320
01:18:55,106 --> 01:18:57,440
I'm gonna be right back.
Is that okay?
1321
01:18:57,525 --> 01:18:59,317
Okay.
Nadia.
1322
01:18:59,985 --> 01:19:02,821
Who's in my room.
Now. Holy shit.
1323
01:19:04,824 --> 01:19:06,741
MICHELLE: All right,
I've got a plan.
1324
01:19:06,909 --> 01:19:09,869
Okay. How about
I come back with you
1325
01:19:10,162 --> 01:19:13,456
and you say, "Hello, this is
Michelle, my girlfriend."
1326
01:19:13,541 --> 01:19:17,043
And obviously,
Nadia won't expect you
to hop in the sack.
1327
01:19:17,420 --> 01:19:20,588
And then we break up
the day of the party.
1328
01:19:20,673 --> 01:19:22,882
And you're all healed
and back on the market.
1329
01:19:24,135 --> 01:19:25,427
You're evil.
1330
01:19:25,511 --> 01:19:26,636
No way!
1331
01:19:26,804 --> 01:19:28,805
I'm like Cupid.
1332
01:19:29,181 --> 01:19:31,516
And I know how
to make a girl jealous.
1333
01:19:31,892 --> 01:19:33,476
This is gonna be fun.
1334
01:19:33,853 --> 01:19:35,770
JIM:
I'm sorry I didn't
tell you sooner,
1335
01:19:35,855 --> 01:19:38,106
but we just started seeing
each other a few weeks ago.
1336
01:19:39,358 --> 01:19:44,362
Um... But
I'd really love it
if you stayed here.
1337
01:19:44,530 --> 01:19:47,323
I think you should stay
and have fun at the party.
1338
01:19:47,575 --> 01:19:51,035
Good for you, Jim.
Of course I will stay.
1339
01:19:51,287 --> 01:19:54,456
That's great... Ah!
That's my nipples!
1340
01:19:54,540 --> 01:19:56,624
She just loves my nipples.
1341
01:21:26,674 --> 01:21:29,217
JIM: Oh, no.
1342
01:21:29,677 --> 01:21:32,470
Oh, my God.
You still broken?
1343
01:21:33,013 --> 01:21:34,180
No.
1344
01:21:34,974 --> 01:21:36,266
I'm fine.
1345
01:21:36,350 --> 01:21:39,769
I might have to
actually go through with this.
1346
01:21:42,314 --> 01:21:45,483
Jim, what's the big deal
with Nadia, anyway?
1347
01:21:45,776 --> 01:21:49,571
I mean, okay, so she's
50,000 times hotter
1348
01:21:49,655 --> 01:21:51,447
than most girls, but...
1349
01:21:51,532 --> 01:21:53,575
Come on,
it's just sex.
1350
01:21:54,660 --> 01:21:55,827
Oh, no.
1351
01:21:56,287 --> 01:21:58,246
You saw the thing
on the Internet.
1352
01:21:58,414 --> 01:22:00,582
Did it look like
I might have had
1353
01:22:00,666 --> 01:22:03,418
a slight interest
in Nadia then?
1354
01:22:05,004 --> 01:22:06,588
Add another year to that.
1355
01:22:07,172 --> 01:22:08,715
Okay.
1356
01:22:09,758 --> 01:22:14,762
Hey, why don't you bring
Nadia to the concert first?
It'll be a cool date.
1357
01:22:15,806 --> 01:22:17,599
We'll see how things go.
1358
01:22:22,855 --> 01:22:26,608
Michelle,
you have been great.
1359
01:22:26,692 --> 01:22:28,526
Thank you.
1360
01:22:28,611 --> 01:22:30,028
Anytime.
1361
01:22:37,328 --> 01:22:38,870
Come on.
1362
01:22:42,249 --> 01:22:44,250
You ready to break up?
1363
01:22:44,335 --> 01:22:46,586
You big, stupid dummy!
1364
01:22:46,754 --> 01:22:48,838
Theater is so cool!
1365
01:22:49,298 --> 01:22:52,383
MICHELLE: I don't care
if you are the best lay
I've ever had in my life.
1366
01:22:52,718 --> 01:22:55,595
I hate your guts anyway.
Don't say that.
1367
01:22:56,555 --> 01:23:00,808
And I don't care
if you did give me
ten orgasms in a row,
1368
01:23:00,893 --> 01:23:03,227
because you smell
really bad.
1369
01:23:05,105 --> 01:23:07,649
No! I smell
really bad!
1370
01:23:07,733 --> 01:23:10,818
Because we've been having
so much sex, and...
1371
01:23:10,903 --> 01:23:14,614
And I haven't showered,
and I wanna shower!
1372
01:23:16,283 --> 01:23:20,119
So, don't you go being all
super-sexy guy anymore,
1373
01:23:20,204 --> 01:23:22,747
because I am now
impervious
1374
01:23:22,831 --> 01:23:26,167
to your unrelenting
machismo and sexual ardor.
1375
01:23:27,252 --> 01:23:30,880
And that includes
fucking me in the ass!
So there!
1376
01:23:38,555 --> 01:23:40,765
We had
something special.
1377
01:23:58,784 --> 01:24:00,868
(CAR ENGINE STARTS)
1378
01:24:17,052 --> 01:24:19,137
What's up?
What's up, dog?
1379
01:24:22,141 --> 01:24:24,308
Vicky. Hey.
Hey.
1380
01:24:24,560 --> 01:24:26,894
I'm so glad you came.
You want something
to drink or...
1381
01:24:26,979 --> 01:24:27,979
Hey.
1382
01:24:28,522 --> 01:24:29,605
Can I help you?
1383
01:24:30,983 --> 01:24:33,818
Kevin.
That's my date.
What?
1384
01:24:49,168 --> 01:24:51,335
You... You saved them all.
1385
01:24:52,171 --> 01:24:53,504
How sweet.
1386
01:24:54,506 --> 01:24:56,174
You don't think
I'm a dork?
1387
01:24:59,011 --> 01:25:03,514
Whatever you are, Jim,
it is what I like.
1388
01:25:05,559 --> 01:25:07,518
Kevin left.
Didn't look good.
1389
01:25:08,228 --> 01:25:09,353
Kevin left?
1390
01:25:10,355 --> 01:25:11,856
Just wandered
down the beach.
1391
01:25:16,195 --> 01:25:17,945
You okay, Kev?
1392
01:25:21,283 --> 01:25:23,326
Wanna tell us
what's up?
1393
01:25:25,078 --> 01:25:26,871
Wanna feel Finch's ass?
1394
01:25:31,126 --> 01:25:34,045
No, I... I went
to say hi to Vicky,
1395
01:25:34,129 --> 01:25:36,839
and she was there
with a date.
1396
01:25:37,216 --> 01:25:39,842
You hooked up with
three girls this year.
You're doing fine.
1397
01:25:40,177 --> 01:25:41,636
Rule of three, Oz.
1398
01:25:47,559 --> 01:25:50,895
I guess I was living
in the past, wanting
to party with you guys
1399
01:25:50,979 --> 01:25:53,189
and be with Vicky,
it's just like high school.
1400
01:25:53,732 --> 01:25:55,733
You remember
that day after prom?
1401
01:25:56,235 --> 01:25:59,153
You know, we made
a toast to the next step.
1402
01:25:59,947 --> 01:26:02,031
I guess I never took it.
1403
01:26:04,743 --> 01:26:08,287
My brother said that
by the end of the summer
I'd see the big picture.
1404
01:26:09,122 --> 01:26:10,623
And I see it.
1405
01:26:10,707 --> 01:26:13,918
No matter what, times change
and things are different.
1406
01:26:14,586 --> 01:26:17,505
The problem is,
I don't want them to be.
1407
01:26:18,090 --> 01:26:19,632
You know, Kevin,
I haven't moved on either.
1408
01:26:20,008 --> 01:26:24,095
I've been obsessed
with the one woman I can't
have a real future with,
1409
01:26:24,471 --> 01:26:28,266
other than a very kinky,
extremely warped one.
1410
01:26:30,018 --> 01:26:32,436
I gotta find
a new goddess.
1411
01:26:33,438 --> 01:26:37,024
It's gonna take patience,
but I've been celibate
all summer.
1412
01:26:37,860 --> 01:26:39,569
Yeah, you kinda get
used to it, though, huh?
1413
01:26:39,945 --> 01:26:41,153
Are you insane?
1414
01:26:43,699 --> 01:26:48,119
Hey, look, Kev,
different does not
necessarily mean worse.
1415
01:26:48,203 --> 01:26:51,330
As a matter of fact,
I think things are
just getting better.
1416
01:26:51,415 --> 01:26:54,292
Or am I gonna have to drag
your ass back to that party
and prove it to you?
1417
01:26:55,460 --> 01:26:56,836
I'll walk.
1418
01:27:12,019 --> 01:27:13,895
Wow!
1419
01:27:13,979 --> 01:27:16,981
You know, you have
beautiful eyes.
1420
01:27:17,357 --> 01:27:19,066
Oh, you're sweet.
1421
01:27:19,818 --> 01:27:21,402
That's a really nice top.
1422
01:27:22,070 --> 01:27:24,739
Oh. Thanks.
You're welcome.
1423
01:27:24,823 --> 01:27:27,992
Wanna fuck?
Are you serious?
1424
01:27:28,410 --> 01:27:31,370
Come on, baby.
Give it to the Stifmeister.
1425
01:27:31,872 --> 01:27:34,165
I think you better...
Your loss.
1426
01:27:34,583 --> 01:27:37,418
Wow. You know,
you have beautiful eyes.
1427
01:27:37,502 --> 01:27:41,005
Come here, dude.
Come on. You're making
an ass out of yourself.
1428
01:27:41,381 --> 01:27:44,592
You're ruining my mojo.
And you're not
the Stifmeister, okay?
1429
01:27:44,676 --> 01:27:47,011
It takes years to develop
true Stifmeister style.
1430
01:27:47,179 --> 01:27:50,389
Come on, man!
I just wanna see some boobs.
1431
01:27:50,557 --> 01:27:52,391
Hey, Pop-Tart.
Dream on, midget.
1432
01:27:52,476 --> 01:27:56,103
Excuse him. Come here.
Take this.
You're on cop watch.
1433
01:27:56,188 --> 01:27:58,314
Go out in the driveway.
See any cops, call me, okay?
1434
01:27:58,398 --> 01:28:00,858
Steve...
All right.
1435
01:28:10,786 --> 01:28:14,497
Gentlemen, uh,
this appears to be a party.
1436
01:28:18,043 --> 01:28:21,253
Guys, if you'll excuse me,
I'm gonna go look for Nadia.
1437
01:28:21,338 --> 01:28:23,547
Good luck.
1438
01:28:23,840 --> 01:28:25,883
Ahh.
1439
01:28:26,385 --> 01:28:28,719
JIM:
So what was this year
like for you?
1440
01:28:28,804 --> 01:28:30,888
Did you miss high school?
1441
01:28:31,056 --> 01:28:34,892
Well, no. When you travel
as much as I do,
1442
01:28:34,977 --> 01:28:37,895
you get used to
moving on.
1443
01:28:38,230 --> 01:28:40,106
But I have great memories.
1444
01:28:44,361 --> 01:28:47,238
Wow, can we go in there?
The lighthouse?
1445
01:28:47,572 --> 01:28:48,906
Yeah.
1446
01:28:50,492 --> 01:28:52,326
Yes.
1447
01:28:52,411 --> 01:28:54,245
Yes, we can.
1448
01:28:54,413 --> 01:28:56,455
How romantic.
1449
01:28:58,750 --> 01:29:00,251
Jim, come on.
1450
01:29:11,596 --> 01:29:15,641
Wow!
1451
01:29:17,310 --> 01:29:20,271
Oh, it's beautiful!
1452
01:29:20,856 --> 01:29:22,940
Cool!
1453
01:29:24,818 --> 01:29:29,030
Jim, I have told you my
memories from high school.
1454
01:29:29,114 --> 01:29:30,948
What are yours?
1455
01:29:31,116 --> 01:29:32,992
Oh, uh...
1456
01:29:33,577 --> 01:29:37,663
Well, uh, you.
1457
01:29:38,582 --> 01:29:40,041
You have not changed.
1458
01:29:44,838 --> 01:29:46,422
Jim, relax.
1459
01:29:48,050 --> 01:29:52,386
We are just,
how do you say,
tooting our horns.
1460
01:29:53,388 --> 01:29:55,306
Actually, that is
quite difficult.
1461
01:29:55,390 --> 01:29:56,932
How do you mean?
1462
01:29:57,559 --> 01:30:00,728
Well, this one time
at band camp,
1463
01:30:00,812 --> 01:30:02,855
I...
1464
01:30:06,359 --> 01:30:07,818
Holy shit.
1465
01:30:09,863 --> 01:30:11,697
What? Tell me.
1466
01:30:12,657 --> 01:30:14,116
Uh, well, uh,
1467
01:30:14,201 --> 01:30:16,911
this one time
at band camp,
1468
01:30:17,829 --> 01:30:19,789
I got stuck
playing this trombone.
1469
01:30:19,873 --> 01:30:23,125
And I can't play
anything at all.
So I totally sucked.
1470
01:30:23,210 --> 01:30:25,044
And everyone thought
I was this Petey guy,
1471
01:30:25,128 --> 01:30:28,089
but I didn't know
what to think, so I just
kept playing and playing,
1472
01:30:28,173 --> 01:30:30,091
and I didn't know
what I was doing.
1473
01:30:30,175 --> 01:30:32,384
It was so funny!
(CHUCKLING)
1474
01:30:33,345 --> 01:30:35,346
I gotta go.
What? Why?
1475
01:30:37,432 --> 01:30:39,100
Nadia,
1476
01:30:39,643 --> 01:30:41,519
please don't take this
the wrong way,
1477
01:30:41,603 --> 01:30:43,813
but, but you're...
1478
01:30:44,439 --> 01:30:47,191
You're everything
that I used to want.
1479
01:30:47,818 --> 01:30:50,152
And as much
as I may really,
1480
01:30:50,821 --> 01:30:53,572
really regret
what I'm about to do,
1481
01:30:55,700 --> 01:30:57,368
there's somebody else
I want to be with.
1482
01:30:58,328 --> 01:31:00,538
You want
the band geek?
1483
01:31:00,956 --> 01:31:04,834
Nadia, I am a band geek.
1484
01:31:06,169 --> 01:31:08,712
I just never
joined the band.
1485
01:31:13,677 --> 01:31:15,177
You go get your geek.
1486
01:31:17,264 --> 01:31:18,931
Someday I will find mine.
1487
01:31:37,993 --> 01:31:40,161
Hey, um, Kevin Myers.
1488
01:31:41,580 --> 01:31:43,998
Hi. Sorry I was
a dick before.
1489
01:31:44,082 --> 01:31:46,375
It's okay, man.
My name's Brett.
1490
01:31:46,501 --> 01:31:49,545
Uh, could you
give us a sec?
Sure.
1491
01:31:50,755 --> 01:31:52,882
Look, you don't
have to do this.
1492
01:31:53,341 --> 01:31:55,593
Maybe I was
being selfish
1493
01:31:56,178 --> 01:31:58,929
in wanting to be
your friend.
1494
01:31:59,055 --> 01:32:01,932
Maybe it's just
not gonna work.
Victoria,
1495
01:32:02,267 --> 01:32:05,561
I would much rather have you
as a friend than not have you
in my life at all.
1496
01:32:13,945 --> 01:32:16,739
(JIM WHOOPING)
1497
01:32:17,282 --> 01:32:20,784
Yeah!
Party on!
1498
01:32:20,869 --> 01:32:22,995
Yeah! Yeah!
1499
01:32:26,708 --> 01:32:30,586
I don't know. From the
lighthouse all the way...
Hey, handsome.
1500
01:32:33,048 --> 01:32:36,967
Heather! Hey.
Hi.
1501
01:32:37,719 --> 01:32:38,719
What are you doing here?
1502
01:32:38,803 --> 01:32:41,013
I was gonna pick you up
at the airport in, like,
two hours.
1503
01:32:41,097 --> 01:32:43,265
I took an earlier flight,
and I thought
I'd surprise you.
1504
01:32:43,642 --> 01:32:47,645
Yeah, you did.
Kinda weird without
the phone, huh?
1505
01:32:48,271 --> 01:32:49,647
We'll get used to it.
1506
01:32:49,940 --> 01:32:53,108
Come on. I wanna
hear all about it.
We'll grab you a drink.
1507
01:32:54,069 --> 01:32:56,737
Steve, this cop-watch
thing is horseshit.
1508
01:32:57,155 --> 01:32:59,823
Hello?
1509
01:33:00,242 --> 01:33:02,451
Man, this sucks.
1510
01:33:02,535 --> 01:33:04,662
AMBER: Who is it out there?
1511
01:33:08,166 --> 01:33:10,417
It's the Stifmeister, baby.
1512
01:33:10,710 --> 01:33:12,503
DANIELLE: Is that so?
1513
01:33:16,967 --> 01:33:18,968
Life's a bitch,
isn't it?
1514
01:33:21,554 --> 01:33:24,848
It's all right.
You don't have to
say anything.
1515
01:33:25,016 --> 01:33:27,226
I'm used to girls
ignoring me.
1516
01:33:27,519 --> 01:33:29,144
Or making fun of me.
1517
01:33:29,229 --> 01:33:31,480
"Come on, Sherman.
Be the Sherminator."
1518
01:33:33,191 --> 01:33:36,193
Like the movie.
How clever.
1519
01:33:36,569 --> 01:33:38,696
I get it, okay?
1520
01:33:40,115 --> 01:33:41,365
Maybe I am a geek.
1521
01:33:42,117 --> 01:33:43,367
Whatever.
1522
01:33:46,121 --> 01:33:48,831
Yes! Yes, you are!
1523
01:33:51,626 --> 01:33:53,669
All right.
1524
01:33:55,630 --> 01:33:59,049
I am the Sherminator.
Ohh!
1525
01:33:59,551 --> 01:34:02,803
A sophisticated
sex robot sent
back through time
1526
01:34:02,887 --> 01:34:05,306
to change the future
for one lucky lady.
1527
01:34:06,349 --> 01:34:08,225
I am lucky lady?
1528
01:34:08,560 --> 01:34:13,105
That's right, Nadia.
You've been targeted
for Shermination.
1529
01:34:13,565 --> 01:34:15,816
Come with me
if you want to live.
1530
01:34:15,900 --> 01:34:18,527
Oh! Oh, no!
1531
01:34:19,696 --> 01:34:20,779
Help!
1532
01:34:23,241 --> 01:34:26,994
Ohh! Fuck me, geek!
Affirmative!
1533
01:34:27,370 --> 01:34:29,955
No fuckin' way!
1534
01:34:36,546 --> 01:34:39,923
Forget it.
Like you have a chance.
1535
01:34:54,564 --> 01:34:56,607
Cheers, bud.
1536
01:35:02,155 --> 01:35:04,698
Hey, Steve,
look what I found.
1537
01:35:04,783 --> 01:35:07,409
Dude, don't touch the shirt.
Just look.
1538
01:35:10,413 --> 01:35:11,580
Hi.
Hey, there.
1539
01:35:12,123 --> 01:35:14,625
Brilliant.
You found lesbians.
1540
01:35:15,126 --> 01:35:18,670
(SCOFFS)
Good luck trying to break
through that force field.
1541
01:35:18,797 --> 01:35:22,299
Lesbians?
We never said that.
1542
01:35:28,139 --> 01:35:30,474
What?
We never said that.
1543
01:35:32,644 --> 01:35:35,312
Oh.
Oh, man.
1544
01:35:37,023 --> 01:35:41,026
I will do anything,
anything to sleep
with you chicks.
1545
01:35:41,486 --> 01:35:45,280
Okay? I'll grab
every guy's ass
in this room.
1546
01:35:45,657 --> 01:35:49,243
I'll caress it, even.
I'll shave some ass
if they need it.
1547
01:35:49,327 --> 01:35:50,994
Oh, yeah.
You heard me.
1548
01:35:51,329 --> 01:35:56,333
It's true.
I'll kiss everybody here.
Dudes, chicks, everybody.
1549
01:35:56,835 --> 01:36:00,003
Because I am comfortable
with my sexuality.
1550
01:36:00,380 --> 01:36:01,839
Oh, yeah.
1551
01:36:04,175 --> 01:36:06,385
At least have a drink
with the Stifmeister.
1552
01:36:07,512 --> 01:36:09,555
All right.
That's fair.
1553
01:36:11,391 --> 01:36:13,016
All right.
1554
01:36:15,437 --> 01:36:17,229
You truly are
a Stifmeister.
1555
01:36:17,939 --> 01:36:19,356
Welcome back to the party.
1556
01:36:19,441 --> 01:36:21,775
Steve, those are
my lesbians.
Oh, ladies.
1557
01:36:21,860 --> 01:36:24,027
Ladies, I am down
with the funky shit.
1558
01:36:24,154 --> 01:36:27,406
Like what?
One time at this party,
I was drinking champagne...
1559
01:36:28,533 --> 01:36:29,533
(APPLAUSE)
1560
01:36:30,368 --> 01:36:31,994
Thank you. Thank you.
1561
01:36:32,412 --> 01:36:35,456
Our next soloist
will be Michelle Flaherty.
1562
01:36:35,540 --> 01:36:38,542
(APPLAUSE)
1563
01:36:48,887 --> 01:36:54,224
(PLAYING FLUTE)
1564
01:36:58,938 --> 01:37:00,439
(HONKING)
1565
01:37:04,652 --> 01:37:06,028
Petey?
1566
01:37:10,867 --> 01:37:13,243
This kid is killing me.
1567
01:37:15,413 --> 01:37:18,499
You suck, retard.
I'm not retarded.
1568
01:37:18,583 --> 01:37:20,501
I'm a very special boy.
1569
01:37:20,960 --> 01:37:22,544
(HONKS)
(GASPING)
1570
01:37:36,601 --> 01:37:37,601
Jim!
1571
01:37:37,685 --> 01:37:39,394
How's this
for a band camp story?
1572
01:37:50,782 --> 01:37:53,242
Come on, guys.
Let's hear it for Petey!
1573
01:37:53,326 --> 01:37:56,036
(APPLAUDING)
1574
01:38:21,521 --> 01:38:23,480
(CHEERING)
1575
01:38:23,565 --> 01:38:25,023
Talented bastard!
1576
01:39:06,858 --> 01:39:09,192
Good for them.
Yeah, it's awesome.
1577
01:39:12,530 --> 01:39:14,906
Want to dance?
Yeah.
1578
01:39:15,199 --> 01:39:17,868
We'll be back.
Come on, baby!
1579
01:40:02,372 --> 01:40:05,374
You know, there's
only one word
for that party:
1580
01:40:05,458 --> 01:40:07,876
Bitchin'.
Out of control.
1581
01:40:09,253 --> 01:40:11,505
Dude, am I gonna
have a hangover?
'Cause I want one.
1582
01:40:18,346 --> 01:40:21,264
(CHATTERING)
1583
01:40:21,432 --> 01:40:23,141
Good-bye.
See ya.
1584
01:40:23,267 --> 01:40:26,144
Let's go to our page.
Oh, my gosh. We have to
write about this party.
1585
01:40:26,229 --> 01:40:29,064
This party was crazy!
Look at my date!
He's passed out!
1586
01:40:29,190 --> 01:40:31,316
You drank him
under the table.
He couldn't hang out with us.
1587
01:41:03,057 --> 01:41:04,057
(GIGGLING)
1588
01:41:04,350 --> 01:41:05,642
Oh!
1589
01:41:10,690 --> 01:41:13,942
Best summer ever,
huh, fellas?
Absolutely.
1590
01:41:14,318 --> 01:41:18,572
Sorry things didn't
work out for you, Finch.
You kiddin'? Things are great.
1591
01:41:18,656 --> 01:41:20,657
I have all
the time in the world.
1592
01:41:20,742 --> 01:41:22,743
So, are we gonna
do this every summer?
1593
01:41:22,827 --> 01:41:25,245
Oh, yeah, we are.
Of course we are,
gentlemen.
1594
01:41:25,329 --> 01:41:26,705
Well, we're gonna try.
1595
01:41:38,551 --> 01:41:40,135
Sweet car.
It is sweet.
1596
01:41:40,219 --> 01:41:41,219
Where's Finch going?
1597
01:41:46,893 --> 01:41:49,186
Stifler's mom.
Hey, Finchy.
1598
01:41:49,812 --> 01:41:51,688
How did you know
I was here?
1599
01:41:51,856 --> 01:41:53,899
I called a couple
of weeks ago.
1600
01:41:54,025 --> 01:41:56,401
Didn't Steven tell you that
I was gonna drop by sometime?
1601
01:41:56,611 --> 01:41:59,362
I guess it, uh,
slipped his mind.
1602
01:42:01,282 --> 01:42:03,283
Hey, what's your name?
1603
01:42:05,036 --> 01:42:06,244
Jeanine.
1604
01:42:07,538 --> 01:42:11,374
Jeanine.
Okay, uh, well,
1605
01:42:11,876 --> 01:42:14,836
I've been thinking,
and, you know,
I'm 19 years old.
1606
01:42:14,921 --> 01:42:18,590
There's a whole world
out there. I can't be
obsessed with one woman.
1607
01:42:19,550 --> 01:42:20,801
Just can't be.
1608
01:42:21,260 --> 01:42:23,053
I'm glad you're
learning, Finchy.
1609
01:42:24,472 --> 01:42:27,724
Good.
Good.
1610
01:42:29,352 --> 01:42:30,602
You want to get it on?
1611
01:42:31,062 --> 01:42:33,146
You better clear
your schedule.
1612
01:42:37,401 --> 01:42:38,985
See you guys later.
1613
01:42:39,111 --> 01:42:40,779
Where are you goin', man?
What about Dog Years?
1614
01:42:41,572 --> 01:42:44,741
Uh, give me, like,
uh, three days.
1615
01:42:46,911 --> 01:42:49,246
JIM: Wait, was that...
Was that who I think...
1616
01:42:49,330 --> 01:42:51,456
No.
Yeah. Yeah!
1617
01:42:51,541 --> 01:42:54,000
I think it was.
I think so, too.
1618
01:42:54,126 --> 01:42:56,795
Son of a...
(LAUGHS)
1619
01:42:58,047 --> 01:42:59,172
Who the hell was that?
1620
01:42:59,423 --> 01:43:02,551
That was, uh...
That was...
Someone was lost.
1621
01:43:02,718 --> 01:43:05,887
Lookin' for the lake.
Yeah, all
turned around.
1622
01:43:06,931 --> 01:43:09,516
What a dumbass.
The lake's right there.
1623
01:43:15,773 --> 01:43:18,900
Incredible.
How does Finch
get so lucky?
1624
01:43:18,985 --> 01:43:21,778
Ah. What are you
worried about?
You got a girlfriend now.
1625
01:43:21,863 --> 01:43:24,865
Everything in.
Let's go. Pony up.
Dog Years awaits.
1626
01:43:24,949 --> 01:43:27,450
Yeah, I do.
Yeah, I do.
1627
01:43:27,869 --> 01:43:29,786
I have
a girlfriend now.
Yeah, you do.
1628
01:43:29,912 --> 01:43:32,205
She's my girlfriend.
All right, Jimbo.
1629
01:43:32,290 --> 01:43:33,707
OZZY: Let's go! Let's go!
1630
01:43:33,833 --> 01:43:35,667
Hey, where's Shitbreak?
KEVIN: The movies.
1631
01:43:35,751 --> 01:43:37,043
JIM: Took the bus.
OZZY: Coffee.
1632
01:43:37,128 --> 01:43:39,838
STEVE: Wait a second.
1633
01:43:40,006 --> 01:43:42,090
Who the fuck
was in that car?
1634
01:43:47,722 --> 01:43:49,806
(FINCH MOANING)
1635
01:43:49,891 --> 01:43:52,767
JEANINE: Oh, Finchy,
I missed you.
1636
01:43:52,894 --> 01:43:57,480
Yeah. Oh, God.
Jeanine. Jeanine.
Call me Stifler's mom.
1637
01:43:57,690 --> 01:43:59,816
(LOUD MOANING)
(CAR ALARM BLARING)
1638
01:44:00,651 --> 01:44:04,029
FINCH: (YELLING)
Oh! Stifler's mom!
120392
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