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1
00:01:17,610 --> 00:01:19,211
Oh! Ah!
2
00:01:21,948 --> 00:01:24,216
Oh, fuck! Oh, fuck!
3
00:01:33,793 --> 00:01:35,327
Come on. Come on.
4
00:01:35,329 --> 00:01:37,396
Are you sure that we should
be doing this right now?
5
00:01:37,398 --> 00:01:39,431
Okay? There are people
outside waiting.
6
00:01:39,433 --> 00:01:41,333
They're going to wonder
where we are.
7
00:01:41,335 --> 00:01:43,502
All right, we're going to
have plenty of time
after the wedding.
8
00:01:43,504 --> 00:01:45,370
I don't want to wait
until after the wedding.
9
00:01:45,372 --> 00:01:46,872
I want you right now.
10
00:01:46,874 --> 00:01:48,273
--Come on.
11
00:01:48,275 --> 00:01:49,775
--Come on!
12
00:01:49,777 --> 00:01:52,211
Oh, god.
13
00:01:52,213 --> 00:01:53,378
Christine!
14
00:01:54,347 --> 00:01:56,014
What the fuck?
15
00:01:56,016 --> 00:01:58,150
Hey, I'm so sorry, man.
16
00:01:58,152 --> 00:01:59,551
I wanted to wait until
after the wedding
17
00:01:59,553 --> 00:02:01,320
but she wanted
to do this right now.
18
00:02:02,155 --> 00:02:03,655
-Oh...
-Holy shit!
19
00:02:03,657 --> 00:02:07,092
-Bowie, I need you to...
-It's fine, man.
I'm gonna get out... ah!
20
00:02:07,094 --> 00:02:09,695
-Oh!
-Oh! Damn, dude,
that's a big wiener.
21
00:02:09,697 --> 00:02:11,763
-That's a big...
-Come on, man!
22
00:02:11,765 --> 00:02:13,699
-I'm sorry.
-Zip it up, please.
23
00:02:13,701 --> 00:02:16,001
I mean, I don't know if
it'll fit, though, right?
24
00:02:16,003 --> 00:02:17,769
Not the time.
Wildly inappropriate
right now.
25
00:02:17,771 --> 00:02:19,571
Can't you just focus
on the guests, please?
26
00:02:19,573 --> 00:02:21,240
The wedding is obviously off.
27
00:02:21,242 --> 00:02:24,276
Great. I'm here for you.
You're my little king
and I love you.
28
00:02:24,644 --> 00:02:26,245
You...
29
00:02:26,247 --> 00:02:28,147
You're garbage trash.
30
00:02:28,149 --> 00:02:29,548
And I always knew that.
31
00:02:29,550 --> 00:02:31,783
I can't wait to
never see you again.
32
00:02:32,919 --> 00:02:34,987
Garbage trash.
33
00:02:34,989 --> 00:02:37,089
And you, I don't
like you either,
but I respect
34
00:02:37,091 --> 00:02:38,423
what's going on down there.
Let's get out of here.
35
00:02:40,426 --> 00:02:41,793
-I'm really sorry, man.
-Fuck off.
36
00:02:41,795 --> 00:02:43,095
-Yup.
-Yeah.
37
00:02:43,097 --> 00:02:44,429
So,
38
00:02:45,465 --> 00:02:47,065
you know this is
all your fault, right?
39
00:02:56,643 --> 00:02:57,976
Hi.
40
00:03:09,857 --> 00:03:11,790
- -Hello.
41
00:03:12,692 --> 00:03:14,660
My name is beauregard Pemberton iv.
42
00:03:14,662 --> 00:03:18,163
For those of you who don't know me I am the best man for this wedding
43
00:03:18,165 --> 00:03:18,163
betwixt my dear friend Harry
44
00:03:18,165 --> 00:03:22,668
and his surprisingly accommodating fiancee Christine.
45
00:03:25,139 --> 00:03:27,806
You guys don't get that joke, that's for sure. Uh...
46
00:03:27,808 --> 00:03:30,342
First of all, I'd just like to start by saying that I am very happy
47
00:03:30,344 --> 00:03:31,910
that everyone from Harry's bachelor party
48
00:03:31,912 --> 00:03:34,079
made it out and is here and not dead.
49
00:03:34,081 --> 00:03:36,081
Wes, those eyebrows are growing back.
50
00:03:36,083 --> 00:03:37,549
Good for you, bud.
51
00:03:37,551 --> 00:03:39,918
Anyway, that's not why I'm here, guys.
52
00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:42,387
I'm here to tell you guys a story.
53
00:03:43,022 --> 00:03:44,823
A story of waiting.
54
00:03:44,825 --> 00:03:46,892
Waiting for that perfect moment.
55
00:03:46,894 --> 00:03:48,160
That perfect day.
56
00:03:49,362 --> 00:03:51,196
This story is about a young boy.
57
00:03:52,165 --> 00:03:53,665
Let's just call him
58
00:03:54,300 --> 00:03:54,299
me.
59
00:03:56,269 --> 00:03:58,270
This story is about that young boy's
60
00:03:58,272 --> 00:03:59,972
unbridled love
61
00:04:00,873 --> 00:04:02,908
for guns n' roses.
62
00:04:02,910 --> 00:04:05,510
Now in the mid to late '90s you guys have to understand
63
00:04:05,512 --> 00:04:07,479
that coming off the giant success
64
00:04:07,481 --> 00:04:09,548
of both
use your illusions I and ii,
65
00:04:09,550 --> 00:04:11,350
anticipation was high
66
00:04:11,352 --> 00:04:12,985
because this young boy was finally old enough
67
00:04:12,987 --> 00:04:16,588
to attend his first guns n' roses concert.
68
00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:18,357
Snake dancing in front of the mirror,
69
00:04:19,926 --> 00:04:21,660
picking out that perfect bandana.
70
00:04:21,662 --> 00:04:23,929
It was red, of course.
71
00:04:23,931 --> 00:04:26,498
And when that night came for the concert he was there,
72
00:04:26,500 --> 00:04:27,733
in that arena,
73
00:04:28,935 --> 00:04:32,571
section 352, row q, seat 77.
74
00:04:35,441 --> 00:04:36,875
That's when that...
75
00:04:38,411 --> 00:04:41,580
Son of a bitch announcer came over the loudspeaker.
76
00:04:43,449 --> 00:04:46,518
I always have trouble with this part.
77
00:04:46,520 --> 00:04:48,754
Paradise city,
wherever it exists...
78
00:04:50,591 --> 00:04:52,190
...was not in Atlanta, Georgia that day.
79
00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:56,561
Guns n' roses had broken up.
80
00:05:00,633 --> 00:05:02,634
So I think I explained everything pretty good.
81
00:05:02,636 --> 00:05:04,703
I'll open up the floor to some questions.
82
00:05:04,705 --> 00:05:07,139
Even though I'm not quite sure which one of them
83
00:05:07,141 --> 00:05:09,308
is the axl in this situation.
84
00:05:09,310 --> 00:05:10,942
I'm going to have to get some more details later.
85
00:05:12,880 --> 00:05:12,878
Nobody?
86
00:05:12,880 --> 00:05:16,615
You don't even want to ask me what my favorite song is?
Civil war.
87
00:05:18,951 --> 00:05:20,686
Guys, the wedding is not happening is what I'm saying.
88
00:05:20,688 --> 00:05:22,087
--What?
89
00:05:23,656 --> 00:05:26,058
Okay, calm down. Calm down, it's fine.
90
00:05:26,060 --> 00:05:27,959
I thought I really walked you guys into that.
91
00:05:27,961 --> 00:05:29,628
I feel like you guys are overreacting.
92
00:05:29,630 --> 00:05:31,797
Hey, guys, guys, guys. It's fine, it's fine, it's fine.
93
00:05:31,799 --> 00:05:35,600
Okay, the road to happiness is not a straight path, okay?
94
00:05:35,602 --> 00:05:36,802
It's bumpy.
95
00:05:36,804 --> 00:05:39,037
If Harry and Christine want to make it work
96
00:05:39,039 --> 00:05:40,472
they will make it work, okay, guys?
97
00:05:40,474 --> 00:05:42,174
Look at guns n' roses. They figured it out.
98
00:05:42,176 --> 00:05:44,576
I mean sure, slash and the band were irreplaceable.
99
00:05:44,578 --> 00:05:46,278
But the buckethead years were all right
100
00:05:46,280 --> 00:05:48,780
and Chinese democracy
had like two good songs.
101
00:05:48,782 --> 00:05:50,482
Plus we got velvet revolver out of it
102
00:05:50,484 --> 00:05:52,484
and those guys fucking rule.
103
00:05:52,486 --> 00:05:54,252
So it could be worse.
104
00:05:54,254 --> 00:05:56,355
Guns n' roses is happy. I'm happy.
105
00:05:56,357 --> 00:05:58,423
Harry will be happy. Christine is a bitch.
106
00:05:58,425 --> 00:06:00,525
And, hey, gnr kind of got back together.
107
00:06:00,527 --> 00:06:02,194
Anything is possible.
108
00:06:02,196 --> 00:06:04,229
The kids will be all right.
109
00:06:04,231 --> 00:06:05,330
That's all I'm saying.
110
00:06:16,142 --> 00:06:17,376
Ooh.
111
00:06:24,517 --> 00:06:26,585
Oh, fuck.
112
00:06:26,953 --> 00:06:28,553
Fuck.
113
00:06:29,021 --> 00:06:30,555
Fuck!
114
00:06:30,923 --> 00:06:32,791
Fuck.
115
00:06:33,126 --> 00:06:34,493
Fuck!
116
00:06:36,663 --> 00:06:38,296
Okay, that is it for the wedding.
117
00:06:38,298 --> 00:06:39,464
Thank you guys so much.
118
00:06:39,466 --> 00:06:42,567
Um, I will see you at the next one.
119
00:06:45,772 --> 00:06:47,572
"To Harry and Christine,
120
00:06:47,574 --> 00:06:51,143
"may you share the
most romantic of meals
together over these dishes.
121
00:06:52,011 --> 00:06:53,545
"Love Joey and Britney."
122
00:06:54,647 --> 00:06:56,481
That's like, really nice.
123
00:06:57,116 --> 00:06:58,817
Yeah.
124
00:06:59,452 --> 00:07:01,219
- Pull!
125
00:07:04,724 --> 00:07:06,825
Dude, in all fairness,
126
00:07:06,827 --> 00:07:09,828
there are game of thrones
weddings that were
less bloody than yours today.
127
00:07:09,830 --> 00:07:11,797
-Not really funny.
-But look at it
on the bright side.
128
00:07:11,799 --> 00:07:13,665
At least you found out
before you married her.
129
00:07:13,667 --> 00:07:15,333
Yeah, five minutes before.
130
00:07:15,335 --> 00:07:16,802
Yeah, that's
still before though.
131
00:07:16,804 --> 00:07:16,802
I mean, otherwise
132
00:07:16,804 --> 00:07:21,039
you would have been having
sloppy seconds on your
own wedding night, dude.
133
00:07:21,041 --> 00:07:22,374
Also not funny.
134
00:07:22,376 --> 00:07:24,876
Uh, excuse me?
135
00:07:26,446 --> 00:07:27,779
Yeah, hey.
136
00:07:27,781 --> 00:07:30,615
Uh, we're not really sure
what you want us to do here.
137
00:07:30,617 --> 00:07:34,219
-Yeah, so I think we're
just going to, um, go.
-Take off.
138
00:07:34,221 --> 00:07:36,455
No, no, please stay.
Everything's fine.
139
00:07:36,457 --> 00:07:37,589
I already paid you guys.
140
00:07:37,591 --> 00:07:39,758
If he wants you to stay
then you fucking stay.
141
00:07:39,760 --> 00:07:42,861
Okay? He had a shit day,
he almost married a skank
142
00:07:42,863 --> 00:07:45,230
and he's a prince amongst men!
It's his wedding night!
143
00:07:45,232 --> 00:07:46,798
And this is
the wedding reception
144
00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:48,967
but it's not
a wedding reception
without a wedding band.
145
00:07:48,969 --> 00:07:51,303
It's not a wedding reception
without a wedding.
146
00:07:51,305 --> 00:07:51,303
Psycho.
147
00:07:51,305 --> 00:07:54,506
Please don't make me
write you guys
a bad review on yelp.
148
00:07:54,508 --> 00:07:56,775
Oh, he yelps like a maniac!
149
00:07:56,777 --> 00:07:59,377
- He's like an angry mama
on that thing!
150
00:07:59,379 --> 00:08:00,512
--Okay...
151
00:08:00,514 --> 00:08:01,680
Play a song.
152
00:08:01,682 --> 00:08:03,448
-One song!
-Thank you.
153
00:08:04,785 --> 00:08:05,917
-That was a lot.
-Had to get my
point across.
154
00:08:05,919 --> 00:08:07,352
Sure. Anyway, dude,
155
00:08:07,354 --> 00:08:09,321
this could be
a blessing in disguise.
156
00:08:09,323 --> 00:08:11,890
Look at all our
married friends.
What do they have in common?
157
00:08:11,892 --> 00:08:13,191
That they're all married?
158
00:08:13,193 --> 00:08:14,392
They're in captivity!
159
00:08:14,394 --> 00:08:14,392
That's what marriage is.
160
00:08:14,394 --> 00:08:18,897
They have that same
glazed-over look that
lions at the zoo have.
161
00:08:18,899 --> 00:08:20,999
You know why you've never
heard a lion at the zoo roar?
162
00:08:21,001 --> 00:08:23,335
Because I'm a grown man
and I don't go to the zoo?
163
00:08:23,337 --> 00:08:25,237
Okay, I'm a grown man
and I go to the zoo
all the time.
164
00:08:25,239 --> 00:08:26,805
-Is there something
weird about it?
-It's kind of weird.
165
00:08:26,807 --> 00:08:29,107
I got an annual pass.
What, am I not gonna use it?
166
00:08:29,109 --> 00:08:30,208
That's ridiculous!
167
00:08:30,210 --> 00:08:32,143
Does your lion metaphor
have a point?
168
00:08:32,145 --> 00:08:34,045
You never hear lions
roar at the zoo
169
00:08:34,047 --> 00:08:36,915
because you need
fucking balls to roar, man!
170
00:08:44,224 --> 00:08:46,224
-They're good.
-Yeah, like, really good.
171
00:08:46,226 --> 00:08:47,659
Can I ask you a question?
172
00:08:47,661 --> 00:08:48,960
Shoot.
173
00:08:49,762 --> 00:08:51,763
How did we get here, man?
174
00:08:51,765 --> 00:08:54,399
Well, my hillbilly cousin
gave me this gun
as a wedding present
175
00:08:54,401 --> 00:08:57,369
and now we're using it
to destroy all the
other wedding presents.
176
00:08:57,371 --> 00:08:59,170
- No, not here...
177
00:08:59,172 --> 00:09:00,338
Man, how did we get here
178
00:09:00,907 --> 00:09:02,107
in life?
179
00:09:02,109 --> 00:09:03,608
How could you stay with
someone so long,
180
00:09:03,610 --> 00:09:05,744
let alone almost marry them,
181
00:09:05,746 --> 00:09:07,712
when the whole time
you guys were together
182
00:09:07,714 --> 00:09:09,314
she treated you so...
183
00:09:09,316 --> 00:09:11,616
I don't know what the word...
'Cause I don't want to
offend you,
184
00:09:11,618 --> 00:09:13,051
because you're
a fragile guy right now.
185
00:09:13,053 --> 00:09:14,319
What is the word
I'm looking for?
186
00:09:14,987 --> 00:09:16,421
-Cold?
-Cunty.
187
00:09:16,423 --> 00:09:18,123
Careful.
188
00:09:18,125 --> 00:09:19,591
I don't know, man.
189
00:09:19,593 --> 00:09:23,061
When you're in something,
you only see what
you want to see, right?
190
00:09:23,063 --> 00:09:25,330
And I saw the girl that
i was supposed to marry.
191
00:09:25,332 --> 00:09:27,232
On paper she was perfect.
192
00:09:27,234 --> 00:09:28,900
I mean, so was bitcoin
when you think about it.
193
00:09:32,172 --> 00:09:33,605
You never suspected this?
194
00:09:33,607 --> 00:09:35,173
No, actually,
i didn't see this coming.
195
00:09:35,175 --> 00:09:38,343
I totally thought this
would be more of a
murder-suicide situation.
196
00:09:38,345 --> 00:09:40,478
Yeah. Wait, what?
197
00:09:40,480 --> 00:09:43,248
Oh, she was going to kill you,
dude. That's for sure.
198
00:09:43,250 --> 00:09:45,083
But then I like to think
in my fantasy world,
199
00:09:45,085 --> 00:09:46,518
she would at least
have the courage
200
00:09:46,520 --> 00:09:48,720
to turn the gun
on herself afterwards.
201
00:09:48,722 --> 00:09:50,755
Is this the shit
you actually think about?
202
00:09:50,757 --> 00:09:50,755
I know, right? It's weird.
203
00:09:55,295 --> 00:09:58,196
Okay, do you guys
know real songs at all
or do you just eavesdrop?
204
00:09:58,198 --> 00:09:59,631
She checked all the boxes.
205
00:09:59,633 --> 00:10:02,067
- Oh this one, okay.
Let's hear 'em.
Okay.
206
00:10:02,069 --> 00:10:04,169
Number one,
she had a good job.
207
00:10:04,171 --> 00:10:05,604
You paid for everything!
208
00:10:05,606 --> 00:10:08,073
-She's pretty...
-She never fucked you,
so who cares?
209
00:10:08,075 --> 00:10:09,674
She comes from
a really good family.
210
00:10:09,676 --> 00:10:11,443
Dude, her dad
called me the n-word.
211
00:10:11,944 --> 00:10:11,943
We had a plan.
212
00:10:11,945 --> 00:10:15,647
Harry, I know you have plans.
You fucking love plans.
213
00:10:15,649 --> 00:10:18,683
But you need to realize
that plan sucked.
214
00:10:18,685 --> 00:10:22,821
If you felt this way,
why is this the first time
I'm hearing about it?
215
00:10:22,823 --> 00:10:24,656
--Hey, what do you think
about Christine?
216
00:10:24,658 --> 00:10:26,591
She's cool, right?
217
00:10:26,593 --> 00:10:30,128
No, dude. She fucking sucks.
218
00:10:30,130 --> 00:10:32,063
Anyway, do not
propose to Christine, man.
219
00:10:32,065 --> 00:10:33,832
She fucking sucks.
220
00:10:36,202 --> 00:10:37,569
What?
221
00:10:37,571 --> 00:10:39,437
Your fiancee
fucking sucks, man.
222
00:10:40,774 --> 00:10:42,040
--I don't know, man,
i guess there was
223
00:10:42,042 --> 00:10:44,075
just never a good time
to bring it up.
224
00:10:48,748 --> 00:10:53,251
That's probably the flight
Christine and I were supposed
to go on for our honeymoon.
225
00:10:53,253 --> 00:10:54,986
What island were you guys
going to? I forgot.
226
00:10:54,988 --> 00:10:56,888
Rancho para.
227
00:10:56,890 --> 00:10:58,156
Supposed to be amazing.
228
00:10:59,692 --> 00:11:02,060
Dude, let's go!
229
00:11:02,062 --> 00:11:04,262
Just missed the flight.
230
00:11:04,264 --> 00:11:05,630
Yeah, but you
canceled the hotel?
231
00:11:05,632 --> 00:11:07,265
No, I couldn't.
It was too close to check-in.
232
00:11:07,267 --> 00:11:09,401
-I'm just going
to have to eat it.
-No, you don't.
233
00:11:09,403 --> 00:11:11,302
Not if you and me go!
234
00:11:11,304 --> 00:11:13,371
-What, you and me?
-Yeah!
235
00:11:13,373 --> 00:11:14,739
How would we even get there?
236
00:11:14,741 --> 00:11:15,807
Dude, I got a guy.
237
00:11:15,809 --> 00:11:17,208
-You got a guy?
-I got a guy.
238
00:11:17,210 --> 00:11:19,310
What does that even mean?
You're always so vague.
239
00:11:19,312 --> 00:11:19,310
It means I know a guy.
240
00:11:19,312 --> 00:11:22,914
He runs shuttles
back and forth
to the islands for my company.
241
00:11:22,916 --> 00:11:25,817
I'll hop on as
a "business trip"
and you ride for free.
242
00:11:25,819 --> 00:11:28,653
You're my best friend,
i have no idea
what you do for a living.
243
00:11:28,655 --> 00:11:30,922
Doesn't matter!
You've got your
bags packed, right?
244
00:11:30,924 --> 00:11:33,491
-Yeah.
-So let's go, man, this is
gonna be fucking awesome!
245
00:11:33,493 --> 00:11:35,694
Dude, fuck your honeymoon.
That was going to suck.
246
00:11:35,696 --> 00:11:36,761
This is you and me going out.
247
00:11:36,763 --> 00:11:38,897
It's not a honeymoon.
This is like, uh...
248
00:11:38,899 --> 00:11:40,665
Dude, this is
a fucking bromoon.
249
00:11:41,934 --> 00:11:43,435
I think "homiemoon"
is funnier.
250
00:11:43,437 --> 00:11:45,070
Yeah, see, look,
it is funnier.
251
00:11:45,072 --> 00:11:47,238
That's how excited you are,
you're making puns!
252
00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:49,674
I'm going to use homiemoon,
that's fucking hilarious!
253
00:11:49,676 --> 00:11:52,210
-It's not that exciting.
-You're so excited
for this homiemoon.
254
00:11:52,212 --> 00:11:53,344
Dude, we've got to
get out of here.
255
00:11:53,346 --> 00:11:54,679
Look at how fucking
depressing this place is.
256
00:11:54,681 --> 00:11:57,115
It's like the
limp bizkit reunion tour.
257
00:11:57,117 --> 00:11:57,115
Hey, man, we had
fun at that show.
258
00:11:57,117 --> 00:12:01,986
We had a great time but
the crowd wasn't into it and
it took me out, personally.
259
00:12:01,988 --> 00:12:03,321
I don't know.
260
00:12:03,323 --> 00:12:04,989
Maybe I should just
go in to work tomorrow.
261
00:12:06,792 --> 00:12:08,593
Fuck you, man.
I'm going to
fucking kill you.
262
00:12:08,595 --> 00:12:08,593
Are you kidding?
263
00:12:08,595 --> 00:12:12,997
You're going to do
what you think you're
supposed to do, again.
264
00:12:12,999 --> 00:12:15,500
Look at what doing
what you're supposed to do
did to you today.
265
00:12:15,502 --> 00:12:17,168
You almost married a whore!
266
00:12:17,170 --> 00:12:19,137
Hey, come on, man,
it still hurts.
267
00:12:19,139 --> 00:12:20,605
I know, I'm sorry.
I get excited.
268
00:12:20,607 --> 00:12:21,873
I forget that you're fragile.
269
00:12:21,875 --> 00:12:23,308
I love you.
Come here, my baby boy.
270
00:12:23,310 --> 00:12:24,542
I'm sorry I hurt
your feelings just then.
271
00:12:24,544 --> 00:12:26,377
But don't worry, this is going
to be a fun-ass homiemoon.
272
00:12:26,379 --> 00:12:27,512
Okay, don't overuse it.
273
00:12:30,851 --> 00:12:30,849
Thanks, dude.
274
00:12:34,688 --> 00:12:36,621
You guys are wonderful,
actually, I was
wrong about you.
275
00:12:38,424 --> 00:12:39,891
Where are we going?
276
00:12:39,893 --> 00:12:41,993
I told you, dude, gate z-98.
277
00:12:41,995 --> 00:12:43,528
Z? I see a and b.
278
00:12:43,530 --> 00:12:45,196
Ah, perfect timing.
Give me that.
Give me that.
279
00:12:45,198 --> 00:12:47,699
You got it from
the closet we don't
talk about, right?
280
00:12:47,701 --> 00:12:50,835
Cool, this is going
into my file.
Get out of here.
281
00:12:50,837 --> 00:12:53,371
-What was that?
-It was one of my interns.
I had him get my go bag.
282
00:12:53,373 --> 00:12:56,407
-How many interns do you have?
-Seven.
283
00:12:56,409 --> 00:12:57,909
Can you and i
talk about this closet?
284
00:13:04,650 --> 00:13:05,917
So is this it?
285
00:13:05,919 --> 00:13:08,086
Well, all the signs
say gate z.
286
00:13:09,588 --> 00:13:11,422
-Who's this guy?
-Oh, that's Mike.
287
00:13:11,424 --> 00:13:12,857
Mike?
288
00:13:12,859 --> 00:13:14,225
Yeah, well his friends
call him corn
289
00:13:14,227 --> 00:13:15,860
on account of he tells
really lame jokes
290
00:13:15,862 --> 00:13:17,095
but he's a hell
of a poker player
291
00:13:17,097 --> 00:13:18,463
and really good at disc golf,
292
00:13:18,465 --> 00:13:20,565
despite the fact that he lost
half of his index finger
293
00:13:20,567 --> 00:13:22,367
in a thrashing machine
accident when he was nine.
294
00:13:22,369 --> 00:13:23,668
It's a real bummer but
295
00:13:23,670 --> 00:13:24,936
he's found a way to adapt.
296
00:13:24,938 --> 00:13:26,037
How do you know all this?
297
00:13:26,039 --> 00:13:27,172
I don't know all that, Harry!
298
00:13:27,174 --> 00:13:28,306
You're asking a ton
of questions, okay?
299
00:13:28,308 --> 00:13:29,474
I don't know everything
about everybody.
300
00:13:29,476 --> 00:13:31,209
That's clearly
just a homeless guy.
Where'd he go?
301
00:13:33,880 --> 00:13:35,880
Who... who are you?
Who sent you?
302
00:13:35,882 --> 00:13:38,249
How long was I there?
Did Miguel send you?
303
00:13:38,251 --> 00:13:39,651
I don't know a Miguel.
304
00:13:39,653 --> 00:13:42,987
Shh! That's exactly what
Miguel would want you to say.
305
00:13:42,989 --> 00:13:44,923
We're just trying to get
to rancho para.
306
00:13:44,925 --> 00:13:46,591
I'm looking for
a guy named Randy.
307
00:13:48,227 --> 00:13:49,527
Bowie?
308
00:13:49,529 --> 00:13:50,662
-Randy? Hey!
-Hey!
309
00:13:50,664 --> 00:13:52,397
All right.
310
00:13:52,399 --> 00:13:53,598
Randy!
311
00:13:53,600 --> 00:13:54,766
-Hey!
-Hey!
312
00:13:54,768 --> 00:13:56,367
And you must be Harry.
313
00:13:56,369 --> 00:13:59,571
-Yeah.
-Ah, the guy who almost
married the town jizz mop.
314
00:14:01,407 --> 00:14:03,408
Don't blame me,
you know I like to gossip.
315
00:14:03,410 --> 00:14:04,876
Hey, don't sweat it.
316
00:14:04,878 --> 00:14:06,945
At least you two
found each other.
317
00:14:06,947 --> 00:14:08,580
And it wouldn't have happened
without her.
318
00:14:08,582 --> 00:14:10,181
That's the most
important thing.
319
00:14:10,183 --> 00:14:12,717
- Wait, what do you think that this is?
-Yeah?
320
00:14:12,719 --> 00:14:15,420
Oh, nothing, nothing.
Just two best friends
321
00:14:15,422 --> 00:14:17,288
going on a trip
for two together
322
00:14:17,290 --> 00:14:18,823
to a tropical paradise
323
00:14:18,825 --> 00:14:20,525
-with matching tuxes.
-Oh, shit.
324
00:14:20,527 --> 00:14:22,660
I actually think
we look badass.
325
00:14:22,662 --> 00:14:24,596
We look like sommeliers.
326
00:14:24,598 --> 00:14:26,164
Follow me, guys. Come on.
327
00:14:26,166 --> 00:14:27,732
Why are you talking about
west African pirates?
328
00:14:27,734 --> 00:14:27,732
We look like butlers.
329
00:14:27,734 --> 00:14:30,935
Yeah, Geoffrey
from the fresh prince
fucking rules, it's fine.
330
00:14:33,406 --> 00:14:34,739
Sun-kissed airlines
331
00:14:34,741 --> 00:14:35,940
would like to make the announcement
332
00:14:35,942 --> 00:14:38,610
that flight one to rancho para
333
00:14:38,612 --> 00:14:40,311
is now ready to board.
334
00:14:40,313 --> 00:14:41,946
Now, we'd like to start off the boarding process
335
00:14:41,948 --> 00:14:44,616
with all of our first class passengers,
336
00:14:44,618 --> 00:14:46,451
frequent flyer medallion members
337
00:14:46,453 --> 00:14:49,888
and anyone traveling with a wheelchair or small children.
338
00:14:49,890 --> 00:14:51,289
-You're welcome to board.
339
00:14:54,860 --> 00:14:56,160
Also, we'd like to announce
340
00:14:56,162 --> 00:14:58,196
that this flight is overbooked.
341
00:14:58,198 --> 00:14:59,731
Anyone who's willing to
342
00:14:59,733 --> 00:15:02,500
give up their ticket will receive a voucher
343
00:15:02,502 --> 00:15:04,369
-of $400...
-Ooh.
344
00:15:04,371 --> 00:15:06,204
-...for your next flight.
345
00:15:06,206 --> 00:15:07,772
Okay, what's up?
Can I help y'all?
346
00:15:09,141 --> 00:15:11,743
-We're the only
two people here.
-Yeah.
347
00:15:13,612 --> 00:15:15,346
Come on, man,
I'm just messing with y'all.
348
00:15:15,348 --> 00:15:16,648
- Come on, you guys.
349
00:15:16,650 --> 00:15:17,815
- Oh, that was...
- You guys...
350
00:15:17,817 --> 00:15:18,917
--You were joking.
351
00:15:18,919 --> 00:15:20,118
-Because I thought...
-Ah!
352
00:15:20,120 --> 00:15:21,786
It's funny looking back,
but at the time
353
00:15:21,788 --> 00:15:23,087
-i did not...
-It was pretty brutal.
354
00:15:23,089 --> 00:15:25,456
-Yeah.
-Anyways, the more
important thing is
355
00:15:25,458 --> 00:15:27,191
let's get you two
love birds in the air.
356
00:15:27,193 --> 00:15:28,893
Right this way, gentlemen.
357
00:15:28,895 --> 00:15:31,496
-Are you sure
you want to do this?
-Do what?
358
00:15:31,498 --> 00:15:33,665
I wouldn't trust this guy
with my dry cleaning.
359
00:15:33,667 --> 00:15:35,833
We're going to let him
fly a plane that we're in?
360
00:15:35,835 --> 00:15:37,435
Harry, fucking relax, okay?
361
00:15:37,437 --> 00:15:39,804
Literally no one
has ever died
in a plane crash.
362
00:15:39,806 --> 00:15:42,407
What are you talking about?
Jfk Jr.
363
00:15:42,409 --> 00:15:44,442
- John Denver. Aaliyah.
- Okay, three.
364
00:15:44,444 --> 00:15:47,111
Three people in the history
of aviation, that's
pretty good, Harry.
365
00:15:47,113 --> 00:15:48,513
I think you should
fact-check that.
366
00:15:48,515 --> 00:15:49,948
Hey, Randy,
you ever crash this thing?
367
00:15:51,183 --> 00:15:52,684
Yeah.
368
00:15:52,686 --> 00:15:53,885
And look at him,
he's doing great.
369
00:15:53,887 --> 00:15:53,885
Hey, guys, guys.
370
00:15:53,887 --> 00:15:57,722
I've got two parachutes
and a flotation device.
We're good.
371
00:15:57,724 --> 00:15:59,657
See? We're good!
372
00:15:59,659 --> 00:16:02,660
I like you, Randy.
I like you a bunch.
373
00:16:02,662 --> 00:16:04,362
I got dibs on the parachute.
374
00:16:04,364 --> 00:16:06,931
All right, the meal on
today's flight
is shut the hell up
375
00:16:06,933 --> 00:16:10,668
and the in-flight movie
is strap on and hold on to your dicks.
376
00:16:10,670 --> 00:16:13,104
Or each other's.
Whatever you're into.
377
00:16:13,106 --> 00:16:15,773
Could you play the
movie alive? That'd be funny.
378
00:16:15,775 --> 00:16:17,942
All right, boys,
we are all set
379
00:16:17,944 --> 00:16:19,777
and ready to go.
380
00:16:19,779 --> 00:16:22,146
It's like a sophisticated
pinball machine, right?
381
00:16:22,148 --> 00:16:24,849
--Uh, tower, this is
stroker Ace-six-nine,
382
00:16:24,851 --> 00:16:26,184
ready for takeoff.
383
00:16:26,186 --> 00:16:28,119
Now you've just got to
get out there and push.
384
00:16:29,221 --> 00:16:31,055
You're just fucking
with us, right?
385
00:16:33,259 --> 00:16:34,659
You're catching on,
grasshopper.
386
00:16:34,661 --> 00:16:36,194
- That's pretty good.
387
00:16:36,196 --> 00:16:37,261
That's pretty good.
388
00:16:54,246 --> 00:16:55,646
Okay, now I'm not.
389
00:16:55,648 --> 00:16:57,315
You're going to have to
really get out there and push.
390
00:16:58,584 --> 00:17:00,651
I have a hard time
reading you.
391
00:17:30,082 --> 00:17:31,649
That was a surprisingly
smooth flight.
392
00:17:31,651 --> 00:17:33,885
Yeah.
-Huh? What?
393
00:17:33,887 --> 00:17:36,521
He said that that was
a surprisingly smooth flight,
Randy, it was great.
394
00:17:36,523 --> 00:17:39,223
Come on, guys, we all know
I'm not allowed to fly.
395
00:17:40,125 --> 00:17:42,360
No. Nope, we did
not know that, Randy.
396
00:17:42,362 --> 00:17:45,296
If you Google me it says,
"don't let him fly."
397
00:17:46,465 --> 00:17:49,534
Okay, well, looks like
we're here. Thanks again.
398
00:17:55,207 --> 00:17:57,175
Oh, shit.
399
00:17:57,177 --> 00:17:59,010
On behalf of everyone here
400
00:17:59,012 --> 00:18:00,711
at the tradewinds
island resort,
401
00:18:00,713 --> 00:18:02,580
it is my pleasure
to say to you
402
00:18:02,582 --> 00:18:05,316
welcome to rancho para
403
00:18:05,318 --> 00:18:07,552
and happy honeymoon Mr. and...
404
00:18:09,088 --> 00:18:10,288
Nice!
405
00:18:13,725 --> 00:18:17,095
- ...Mr. and Mr. fluder.
- Oh, uh...
406
00:18:17,097 --> 00:18:19,163
No, no, no. Not Mr. and Mr.
407
00:18:19,165 --> 00:18:21,966
Well, I mean,
we are both misters.
I'm a boy so it's fine.
408
00:18:21,968 --> 00:18:23,968
A lover's quarrel already?
409
00:18:23,970 --> 00:18:25,503
This is supposed
to be the honeymoon.
410
00:18:25,505 --> 00:18:26,571
-Don't worry...
-Hey!
411
00:18:26,573 --> 00:18:28,973
...nothing a few days
in paradise won't cure.
412
00:18:28,975 --> 00:18:30,374
--No, you don't understand.
413
00:18:30,376 --> 00:18:31,442
No bags?
414
00:18:31,444 --> 00:18:31,442
-No, we have bags.
-Yeah, we have bags.
415
00:18:31,444 --> 00:18:35,746
I must say, you two are doing
your honeymoon properly.
416
00:18:35,748 --> 00:18:37,715
Should I have
all your meals
sent to your room?
417
00:18:37,717 --> 00:18:39,250
Double the maid service?
418
00:18:39,252 --> 00:18:40,685
--I don't know what that means.
419
00:18:40,687 --> 00:18:40,685
I know what that means.
420
00:18:40,687 --> 00:18:44,822
Did you forget our bags?
We're the only two people
on the plane.
421
00:18:44,824 --> 00:18:47,358
What? No!
I know exactly
where your bags are.
422
00:18:54,366 --> 00:18:56,601
Hey, you guys enjoy
your honeymoon, all right?
423
00:18:56,603 --> 00:18:58,136
You guys make a cute couple.
424
00:18:58,138 --> 00:19:00,638
-What about my toiletries?
-Dude, who cares?
Come on, let's go.
425
00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:02,473
- Hey.
- Hello.
426
00:19:02,475 --> 00:19:04,275
The ultimate
honeymoon experience.
427
00:19:04,277 --> 00:19:05,943
Dude, I can tell, man.
This thing rules.
428
00:19:05,945 --> 00:19:07,912
I feel like
fucking Beyonce right now.
429
00:19:07,914 --> 00:19:09,380
Does that make me Jay z?
430
00:19:11,416 --> 00:19:12,550
I don't know who that is.
431
00:19:25,264 --> 00:19:28,032
- Usa! Usa!
432
00:19:51,224 --> 00:19:53,124
As you can see,
we've taken great pains
433
00:19:53,126 --> 00:19:55,526
to ensure that your room
and your entire stay
434
00:19:55,528 --> 00:19:58,029
caters to your every desire.
435
00:19:58,031 --> 00:20:00,932
--If you need anything
your wish is my command.
436
00:20:01,433 --> 00:20:02,500
Good day, gentlemen.
437
00:20:02,834 --> 00:20:04,335
Good day.
438
00:20:04,337 --> 00:20:05,937
That guy talked
like a genie, huh?
439
00:20:06,705 --> 00:20:07,905
Yeah.
440
00:20:07,907 --> 00:20:09,774
All right.
What do you wanna do now?
441
00:20:10,309 --> 00:20:11,876
You mean after we fuck?
442
00:20:11,878 --> 00:20:14,779
Obviously, yeah.
I mean, we have to fuck.
It would be rude not to.
443
00:20:14,781 --> 00:20:16,013
- Let's get a drink.
-Okay.
444
00:20:18,083 --> 00:20:19,450
It's just so wonderful.
445
00:20:19,452 --> 00:20:21,919
Thank you.
Oh, yeah.
446
00:20:21,921 --> 00:20:23,387
Look how tropical
this shit is, man.
447
00:20:23,389 --> 00:20:25,923
-Mmm.
-Fuckin', who is getting
whiskey in paradise?
448
00:20:25,925 --> 00:20:26,991
Get tropical with me.
449
00:20:27,693 --> 00:20:28,859
Not feeling very tropical.
450
00:20:29,361 --> 00:20:31,062
Ooh, that's good.
451
00:20:31,064 --> 00:20:32,897
That's good.
452
00:20:32,899 --> 00:20:36,567
When I pictured this,
i didn't exactly picture this.
453
00:20:36,569 --> 00:20:39,570
Look, I know
she-who-shall-not-be-named
fucking sucks, but still.
454
00:20:39,572 --> 00:20:41,105
I know, I know. I'm sorry.
455
00:20:41,107 --> 00:20:44,041
I forgot why I was here.
Take care of my buddy.
456
00:20:44,043 --> 00:20:46,244
I'm gonna go
get us the three ws.
How's that sound?
457
00:20:46,246 --> 00:20:48,412
-Huh?
-Weed, women...
458
00:20:49,915 --> 00:20:51,682
Fuck. Should've been two ws.
459
00:20:51,684 --> 00:20:53,884
I'm gonna go do that, then.
I'm gonna get us the two ws.
460
00:20:55,220 --> 00:20:56,654
Third one
could've been whiskey.
461
00:21:00,959 --> 00:21:02,560
Watermelon's the third one.
462
00:21:14,339 --> 00:21:15,406
Oh yeah.
463
00:21:17,009 --> 00:21:18,676
Hey. How's it going?
464
00:21:19,478 --> 00:21:21,612
All at once
and at the same time.
465
00:21:21,614 --> 00:21:22,680
Okay.
466
00:21:24,016 --> 00:21:26,851
Did you order caviar
or diamonds or something?
467
00:21:27,519 --> 00:21:29,620
Oh, you see him too, huh?
468
00:21:29,622 --> 00:21:31,155
Okay, good.
469
00:21:31,157 --> 00:21:33,124
Hello, time traveler.
470
00:21:33,126 --> 00:21:34,325
- Come, sit.
471
00:21:35,794 --> 00:21:36,894
I'm bowie.
472
00:21:36,896 --> 00:21:38,863
Hi, bowie.
473
00:21:38,865 --> 00:21:41,165
Are you from
dancing with the stars?
474
00:21:41,167 --> 00:21:42,933
No, no. I'm not.
475
00:21:42,935 --> 00:21:44,268
But I think that show's great.
476
00:21:45,470 --> 00:21:47,238
Um...
477
00:21:47,240 --> 00:21:48,639
I'm just gonna
come out and say it.
478
00:21:48,641 --> 00:21:52,510
Uh, I don't wanna,
assume too much
that it might offend you guys,
479
00:21:52,512 --> 00:21:57,248
but you just seem like
the sort that might know this.
480
00:21:57,250 --> 00:21:59,483
You guys might
be able to help me out.
I'm not from around here,
481
00:21:59,485 --> 00:22:03,354
and if someone
from not around here
was looking to, maybe,
482
00:22:03,356 --> 00:22:07,792
elevate themselves
to, like, the level
you guys seem to be on...
483
00:22:08,460 --> 00:22:09,527
You know what I...
484
00:22:09,529 --> 00:22:11,595
You know what I mean?
485
00:22:18,837 --> 00:22:22,173
You're sayin' an awful lot
of words right now, man.
486
00:22:22,175 --> 00:22:22,173
Are you a narc?
487
00:22:24,543 --> 00:22:27,978
Oh, stop teasing him.
We're just fuckin' with you.
488
00:22:27,980 --> 00:22:29,046
- We're just fuckin' with you.
489
00:22:29,048 --> 00:22:31,015
Our level, our level.
Sure, sure, sure.
490
00:22:31,017 --> 00:22:32,817
Look. All you gotta do, look.
491
00:22:32,819 --> 00:22:35,086
You just gotta
eat this bag of mushrooms,
492
00:22:36,188 --> 00:22:38,356
and smoke this bag of weed.
493
00:22:38,358 --> 00:22:40,124
Okay.
494
00:22:40,126 --> 00:22:43,994
Every day for 20 years.
495
00:22:44,830 --> 00:22:45,963
Get out... you...
496
00:22:45,965 --> 00:22:48,733
You do that, and you
might be able to, like,
497
00:22:48,735 --> 00:22:51,969
smell the orbit
that we're working with,
you know?
498
00:22:53,338 --> 00:22:56,640
I mean, yeah, it...
It would get you close.
It would get you close.
499
00:22:56,642 --> 00:22:57,842
It's true.
500
00:22:57,844 --> 00:23:00,144
I once did peyote
with a leprechaun...
501
00:23:00,146 --> 00:23:02,680
Could've been
a well-dressed armadillo.
502
00:23:02,682 --> 00:23:06,016
Either way, we both
peaked at the same time,
so it was all good.
503
00:23:06,018 --> 00:23:09,787
Yeah, I mean, you know,
you gotta start somewhere,
right? So...
504
00:23:09,789 --> 00:23:11,355
Yeah, here.
505
00:23:11,357 --> 00:23:13,224
Oh, man.
506
00:23:13,226 --> 00:23:14,291
What do I owe you?
507
00:23:14,293 --> 00:23:15,693
That's from the earth, man.
508
00:23:15,695 --> 00:23:18,195
Who am I to charge
for nature's bounty?
You know it's, uh...
509
00:23:18,197 --> 00:23:20,164
That'd be like charging
for water, you know?
510
00:23:20,166 --> 00:23:21,298
They do
charge you for water.
511
00:23:21,300 --> 00:23:23,033
You shut the fuck up, Richard!
512
00:23:23,035 --> 00:23:25,236
That's not a funny joke,
and I told you that.
513
00:23:25,238 --> 00:23:27,238
What's wrong with you?
514
00:23:27,240 --> 00:23:28,806
Having a little shindig
by the casino, later, man.
515
00:23:28,808 --> 00:23:30,808
You should stop by, man.
It's gonna be fun, you know.
516
00:23:30,810 --> 00:23:33,711
Well, real mellow, you know.
Nothing formal, although...
517
00:23:33,713 --> 00:23:36,414
Well, that sounds great.
I'm just here with my buddy,
so I gotta...
518
00:23:36,416 --> 00:23:37,748
We love buddies.
519
00:23:37,750 --> 00:23:39,650
Yeah, man.
The more the merrier.
That's what I say.
520
00:23:39,652 --> 00:23:41,318
Shit. Bring him, you know.
It's easy to find.
521
00:23:41,320 --> 00:23:43,554
You just gotta
cut through the woods
right down...
522
00:23:45,257 --> 00:23:47,324
There. Right down there,
and, uh...
523
00:23:47,326 --> 00:23:49,126
It's off the beaten path,
but you can't miss it, man.
524
00:23:49,128 --> 00:23:49,126
It's right down there,
you'll see it.
525
00:23:49,128 --> 00:23:52,630
All right, man.
Well, I'm so glad
i ran into you guys.
526
00:23:52,632 --> 00:23:55,299
I appreciate everything.
This is so cool.
Thank you very much.
527
00:23:55,301 --> 00:23:57,134
Hey, you wanna...
528
00:23:57,136 --> 00:23:58,969
You know? Just a little toke
for the road?
529
00:23:58,971 --> 00:24:01,038
-Yeah. Yeah. Course.
-There you go.
530
00:24:01,040 --> 00:24:03,274
That's gonna put some fuzz
on your peaches, you know.
531
00:24:03,276 --> 00:24:04,542
This is fine, here?
532
00:24:04,544 --> 00:24:06,377
- Yeah, never got caught.
-I hope so, man.
533
00:24:06,379 --> 00:24:07,812
We been doin' it for years.
534
00:24:10,382 --> 00:24:13,417
Oh, fuck, dude, fuck.
535
00:24:13,419 --> 00:24:17,054
Oh, come on, man.
That's the breakfast blend,
man.
536
00:24:17,056 --> 00:24:19,390
That's the shit I smoke
to stop being high.
537
00:24:19,392 --> 00:24:20,958
-Oh, god.
-Come on, man.
538
00:24:20,960 --> 00:24:22,193
Look at him go.
539
00:24:22,195 --> 00:24:23,427
I'm gonna
do one more for the road.
540
00:24:23,429 --> 00:24:24,528
Okay,
you go for that.
541
00:24:24,530 --> 00:24:25,896
You gotta try
everything twice, yeah.
542
00:24:25,898 --> 00:24:27,498
--Ah, there we go.
543
00:24:27,500 --> 00:24:28,966
Similar results.
544
00:24:28,968 --> 00:24:31,669
This guy's funny.
545
00:24:31,671 --> 00:24:33,671
Well, you guys are cool.
546
00:24:35,107 --> 00:24:37,842
Come tonight. Don't forget
to bring your friends.
547
00:24:39,878 --> 00:24:41,645
-I like him.
-Yeah, yeah.
548
00:24:41,647 --> 00:24:43,013
Looked like a Butler.
549
00:24:43,015 --> 00:24:44,682
But he didn't
bring us anything.
550
00:24:44,684 --> 00:24:46,183
-Yeah.
-Butlers usually
bring you something.
551
00:24:46,185 --> 00:24:47,852
-He's not good at his job?
-No.
552
00:24:49,154 --> 00:24:50,387
What the fuck?
553
00:25:07,272 --> 00:25:09,640
'Sup? That feels so
weird, huh.
554
00:25:09,642 --> 00:25:11,342
Oh, my god!
555
00:25:11,344 --> 00:25:12,710
Watch where
you're going, asshole.
556
00:25:13,846 --> 00:25:15,446
I'm looking for an armadillo.
557
00:25:15,448 --> 00:25:19,049
I'm sorry. Did you just
say you're looking
for an armadillo?
558
00:25:19,051 --> 00:25:21,118
Oh, he lost his armadillo.
559
00:25:21,120 --> 00:25:23,153
Oh, yeah?
Well, he's about to lose
the contents of his nut sack
560
00:25:23,155 --> 00:25:25,589
if I don't have another drink
in my hand by then.
561
00:25:25,591 --> 00:25:27,391
Here, just have mine.
I haven't even taken a sip.
562
00:25:27,393 --> 00:25:28,492
No, it's fine.
563
00:25:28,494 --> 00:25:29,660
"Lose the contents
of his nut sack?"
564
00:25:29,662 --> 00:25:31,428
Are you gonna hurt him
or blow him?
565
00:25:31,430 --> 00:25:32,830
--Oh yeah. Good, Colette.
566
00:25:32,832 --> 00:25:35,533
'Cause I suck every guy's dick
who spills a drink on me.
Nice.
567
00:25:35,535 --> 00:25:37,968
I mean, he's wearing a tuxedo
in 90 degree weather.
568
00:25:37,970 --> 00:25:39,770
He's obviously a masochist.
569
00:25:39,772 --> 00:25:41,705
Rip off his nuts.
I bet he'd like it.
570
00:25:41,707 --> 00:25:44,308
Try and remember
the last place that
you saw your armadillo.
571
00:25:44,310 --> 00:25:46,343
--Ooh, I know.
Check your other hand.
572
00:25:46,345 --> 00:25:49,880
I can't tell you how many
times I've lost something
and ended up finding it there.
573
00:25:49,882 --> 00:25:51,048
Well, what do you say,
asshole?
574
00:25:51,050 --> 00:25:51,048
You wanna step outta the way
and apologize?
575
00:25:51,050 --> 00:25:54,852
You want me to shove my foot
so far up your ass I can
wear you as pants?
576
00:25:55,620 --> 00:25:56,720
Shut up, you stupid.
577
00:25:58,190 --> 00:26:00,090
Did he just call me stupid?
578
00:26:00,092 --> 00:26:01,425
Shut up, you stupid.
579
00:26:01,427 --> 00:26:03,227
Look at you, you so dumb.
580
00:26:03,229 --> 00:26:04,662
--Oh, no.
581
00:26:04,664 --> 00:26:05,896
I'm gonna kick this guy's
dick off, right now.
582
00:26:05,898 --> 00:26:06,997
Wait, wait, wait.
583
00:26:06,999 --> 00:26:08,399
Wait, wait. I smell weed.
584
00:26:08,401 --> 00:26:09,466
Do you have weed?
585
00:26:11,304 --> 00:26:12,836
Oh, that's cool.
586
00:26:15,774 --> 00:26:16,874
Harry.
587
00:26:16,876 --> 00:26:18,342
I'm in sad mode.
588
00:26:18,344 --> 00:26:19,743
Entering anger mode.
589
00:26:19,745 --> 00:26:20,844
Harry.
590
00:26:23,114 --> 00:26:25,683
Dude, I'm so high, too.
591
00:26:27,352 --> 00:26:29,053
Hello.
592
00:26:29,055 --> 00:26:30,321
All right. Come on.
Let's do this.
593
00:26:30,323 --> 00:26:31,889
- Bring the sad one.
594
00:26:33,291 --> 00:26:34,358
That's you.
595
00:26:37,329 --> 00:26:39,530
I know!
596
00:26:39,532 --> 00:26:41,198
Okay.
597
00:26:41,200 --> 00:26:43,601
I didn't get watermelon.
That's the only one I forgot.
598
00:26:53,411 --> 00:26:54,845
This is your boat?
599
00:26:54,847 --> 00:26:56,113
It's awesome.
600
00:26:56,115 --> 00:26:57,815
Okay, first of all,
it's not a boat.
601
00:26:57,817 --> 00:26:59,016
It's a yacht, asshole.
602
00:26:59,985 --> 00:27:01,552
It's okay, guys.
They're with me.
603
00:27:05,857 --> 00:27:07,925
Shoes off, guys. Let's go.
604
00:27:07,927 --> 00:27:09,693
All right. Whatever.
605
00:27:10,395 --> 00:27:11,762
Fucking rules.
606
00:27:12,664 --> 00:27:14,665
You're terrifying.
607
00:27:20,872 --> 00:27:22,006
-Dude.
-Wow.
608
00:27:22,008 --> 00:27:23,540
This boat is dope.
609
00:27:23,542 --> 00:27:25,075
Mmm, thank you.
610
00:27:25,077 --> 00:27:26,143
Speaking of which,
611
00:27:26,945 --> 00:27:28,345
let's see it.
612
00:27:28,347 --> 00:27:28,345
-What?
-Huh?
613
00:27:28,347 --> 00:27:31,482
Come on. Isn't that what
youse came here for?
Whip it out.
614
00:27:32,183 --> 00:27:33,250
Oh.
615
00:27:34,653 --> 00:27:35,919
No, but...
616
00:27:35,921 --> 00:27:37,855
-Uh, it's not
why we came here...
-Uh...
617
00:27:37,857 --> 00:27:39,757
...but it's very cool of you
to start with this.
618
00:27:39,759 --> 00:27:41,325
-Oh, that's not cool.
-Oh, my god.
619
00:27:41,327 --> 00:27:43,360
No, not your dick. The weed.
620
00:27:43,928 --> 00:27:45,029
Oh, what?
621
00:27:45,031 --> 00:27:46,563
-Yeah, I know.
-God!
622
00:27:47,332 --> 00:27:48,766
I was kidding.
623
00:27:48,768 --> 00:27:50,267
Jesus Christ.
624
00:27:50,269 --> 00:27:51,702
Heard of a joke?
625
00:27:51,704 --> 00:27:53,971
-Gross.
-So, I'm Harry.
626
00:27:53,973 --> 00:27:55,072
I'm Angela.
627
00:27:55,074 --> 00:27:56,507
Nice to meet you.
628
00:27:56,509 --> 00:27:58,976
-This is Beatrice over here.
-Hey.
629
00:27:58,978 --> 00:28:00,644
You can call me bea.
630
00:28:00,646 --> 00:28:02,413
Everyone does.
I don't force them.
631
00:28:02,415 --> 00:28:04,114
That's Johanna over there.
632
00:28:04,883 --> 00:28:06,483
-Don't look at me.
-Okay.
633
00:28:06,485 --> 00:28:08,352
Hi, I'm tiffani and, uh...
634
00:28:08,953 --> 00:28:10,154
It's really hot.
635
00:28:11,189 --> 00:28:14,458
Oh. Ah, that's better.
636
00:28:14,460 --> 00:28:17,027
Yeah. It... good call.
It is so hot.
637
00:28:17,029 --> 00:28:18,429
It's... yup.
638
00:28:20,732 --> 00:28:22,499
I'm Colette. Hi.
639
00:28:23,935 --> 00:28:25,035
Hi.
640
00:28:28,373 --> 00:28:29,540
I'm bowie.
641
00:28:30,141 --> 00:28:32,209
That's my weed.
642
00:28:32,211 --> 00:28:34,578
So, you guys probably think
I'm pretty cool.
643
00:28:35,547 --> 00:28:37,347
Do you have asperger's?
644
00:28:37,349 --> 00:28:40,350
I don't think so.
Unless you're into it.
645
00:28:45,790 --> 00:28:49,359
So, what brings you ladies
to the islands?
646
00:28:49,361 --> 00:28:50,461
The boat does.
647
00:28:50,463 --> 00:28:50,461
My husband.
648
00:28:50,463 --> 00:28:53,497
He's always traveling
here and there
for work, you know,
649
00:28:53,499 --> 00:28:55,933
so I said,
"you gotta figure out
a way to bring us with you."
650
00:28:55,935 --> 00:28:58,068
What does your husband do?
651
00:28:58,070 --> 00:29:00,304
Oh, little bit of this,
little bit of that, you know.
652
00:29:00,306 --> 00:29:02,172
Buys me yachts
to keep me happy.
653
00:29:03,342 --> 00:29:05,676
So I can hang out
with my girls and party.
654
00:29:05,678 --> 00:29:07,344
He sounds cool.
655
00:29:07,346 --> 00:29:09,046
Ooh, this weed
is really relaxing.
656
00:29:09,048 --> 00:29:11,248
Right?
-I love smoking weed.
657
00:29:12,083 --> 00:29:13,484
So relaxing.
658
00:29:13,486 --> 00:29:14,718
Basically take a nap
right now.
659
00:29:17,956 --> 00:29:21,125
Might wanna
take it easy on that.
You don't wanna get paranoid.
660
00:29:21,127 --> 00:29:23,560
You need to take it easy,
tux-o. Okay?
661
00:29:23,562 --> 00:29:25,395
I'm not paranoid.
You're paranoid.
662
00:29:25,397 --> 00:29:25,395
-Shut up.
-It's okay.
663
00:29:25,397 --> 00:29:30,267
Actually, that ridiculous
marijuana-causing-paranoia
thing? That's a myth.
664
00:29:30,269 --> 00:29:30,267
It just lowers
your inhibitions,
665
00:29:30,269 --> 00:29:33,537
and then you become
a heightened version
of yourself.
666
00:29:33,539 --> 00:29:36,039
So if you're, like,
really happy,
you're extra happy.
667
00:29:36,908 --> 00:29:38,976
If you're a crazy
psycho weirdo,
668
00:29:39,911 --> 00:29:41,578
you're that.
669
00:29:41,580 --> 00:29:42,980
Lemme guess. Psychiatrist?
670
00:29:43,515 --> 00:29:44,915
Psychoanalyst.
671
00:29:44,917 --> 00:29:47,017
She said anal. That's funny.
672
00:29:47,019 --> 00:29:49,119
Bowie,
673
00:29:49,121 --> 00:29:50,387
why are you here?
674
00:29:50,389 --> 00:29:52,055
Actually,
it's a pretty crazy story.
675
00:29:52,057 --> 00:29:53,857
Yesterday, I'm with Harry...
676
00:29:53,859 --> 00:29:58,529
We're masseuse...
Massages? Massage.
Massages.
677
00:29:58,531 --> 00:29:59,730
Masseuses?
678
00:29:59,732 --> 00:30:01,331
You mean massage therapists?
679
00:30:01,333 --> 00:30:03,600
- Yeah.
I actually
consider myself
680
00:30:03,602 --> 00:30:05,836
a massage, uh, wizard.
681
00:30:06,771 --> 00:30:09,673
It's magic what I can do
with just these.
682
00:30:10,542 --> 00:30:12,843
It sounds like magic.
683
00:30:12,845 --> 00:30:16,246
Yeah. And we are here
for the annual
awards ceremony.
684
00:30:16,248 --> 00:30:17,381
Oh!
685
00:30:17,849 --> 00:30:18,949
The handies.
686
00:30:18,951 --> 00:30:20,818
- Congratulations.
- Fuck, yeah. Thank you.
687
00:30:20,820 --> 00:30:23,120
That would
explain the tuxedos.
688
00:30:23,122 --> 00:30:25,789
No, not really,
but please, go on.
689
00:30:25,791 --> 00:30:27,057
You're nominated for an award.
690
00:30:27,059 --> 00:30:30,127
Well, I'm nominated
for best technique,
691
00:30:30,129 --> 00:30:32,596
and bowie's nominated
for best...
692
00:30:32,598 --> 00:30:33,864
Best oral.
693
00:30:33,866 --> 00:30:33,864
-Sup?
-Gross.
694
00:30:33,866 --> 00:30:37,534
-Ew, that's disgusting.
-No, it's different in
the massage community.
695
00:30:37,536 --> 00:30:40,237
It just means good
table-side, uh, banter.
696
00:30:40,239 --> 00:30:42,239
Uh, banter. So good.
697
00:30:42,241 --> 00:30:44,208
Oh, fuck! Jesus Christ.
698
00:30:44,210 --> 00:30:46,109
What happened?
What is this?
What are you doing?
699
00:30:46,111 --> 00:30:47,344
Oh, my god. Get down.
700
00:30:50,915 --> 00:30:52,115
What the hell was that?
701
00:30:52,117 --> 00:30:54,017
Oh, shit. Fuck.
702
00:30:54,019 --> 00:30:55,185
Who cares?
703
00:30:55,187 --> 00:30:57,254
Oh, my god.
I thought that was my husband.
704
00:30:57,256 --> 00:30:57,254
Who's your husband?
705
00:30:57,256 --> 00:31:00,757
Not someone you want
to catch you with his wife
in a hot tub.
706
00:31:01,726 --> 00:31:03,760
Oh, god.
I fuckin' ruined the weed.
707
00:31:03,762 --> 00:31:05,662
Shit. All of it.
708
00:31:05,664 --> 00:31:07,564
I'm sorry.
709
00:31:07,566 --> 00:31:09,299
Well, you know
what that means, boys.
710
00:31:11,269 --> 00:31:13,170
Just, kinda,
feel each other up, now?
711
00:31:13,938 --> 00:31:15,873
-Okay, buh-bye.
-Byes.
712
00:31:16,241 --> 00:31:17,307
Hey, um...
713
00:31:18,343 --> 00:31:19,910
Sorry.
714
00:31:19,912 --> 00:31:21,612
No, no. It's okay.
715
00:31:21,614 --> 00:31:23,013
This was, uh...
716
00:31:23,015 --> 00:31:25,682
I wanna say fun,
but it was more interesting.
717
00:31:26,818 --> 00:31:28,285
How do I feel like I know you?
718
00:31:29,654 --> 00:31:30,888
Oh, I don't know.
719
00:31:30,890 --> 00:31:32,890
I guess I just
have one of those faces.
720
00:31:32,892 --> 00:31:35,959
No. Yours is a face
i definitely wouldn't forget.
721
00:31:38,129 --> 00:31:39,396
Wow.
722
00:31:39,398 --> 00:31:45,435
That was, like, page one
of the douchebag pickup
handbook, right there.
723
00:31:45,437 --> 00:31:49,039
I'll take
shitty Justin bieber lyrics
for $1,000, Alex.
724
00:31:49,041 --> 00:31:51,375
-I'll get outta here. You
don't have to see me again.
-No, no, no, no.
725
00:31:51,377 --> 00:31:53,477
I really hope
i get to see you again.
726
00:31:54,846 --> 00:31:56,613
I hope you get to see...
727
00:31:57,315 --> 00:31:58,949
I mean...
728
00:31:58,951 --> 00:32:00,050
I think you know what I mean.
729
00:32:00,052 --> 00:32:01,118
Yes.
730
00:32:01,120 --> 00:32:02,352
-Okay.
-Okay.
731
00:32:02,354 --> 00:32:04,454
-Okay, then. It's settled.
-Settled.
732
00:32:04,456 --> 00:32:05,555
Hey, tux-o.
733
00:32:05,557 --> 00:32:07,090
-Let's fucking go.
-I'm coming.
734
00:32:07,092 --> 00:32:08,659
I'm gonna go. Thank you.
735
00:32:08,661 --> 00:32:10,193
- Coming.
I'm high as shit, man.
Gotta get food.
736
00:32:10,195 --> 00:32:11,895
Don't embarrass me.
737
00:32:11,897 --> 00:32:14,464
It was nice to meet you,
tux-o.
738
00:32:14,466 --> 00:32:17,534
She called you tux-o.
739
00:32:17,536 --> 00:32:19,836
Massage therapist?
What the fuck was I thinking?
740
00:32:19,838 --> 00:32:21,371
I dunno, but it was genius.
741
00:32:21,373 --> 00:32:22,973
Did you have that one
loaded in the chamber,
742
00:32:22,975 --> 00:32:24,341
or was that just
off the top of your head, man?
743
00:32:24,343 --> 00:32:26,376
- Nope, that was
right out of my ass.
744
00:32:26,378 --> 00:32:28,011
And when did you become
leisure suit Larry?
745
00:32:28,013 --> 00:32:31,481
Oh, I wish I was
leisure suit Larry.
That guy's awesome.
746
00:32:31,483 --> 00:32:34,451
"Oh yeah. I'm nominated
for best oral, ha ha!
747
00:32:34,453 --> 00:32:36,553
"Let me finger-bang you
with my wizard hand."
748
00:32:36,555 --> 00:32:39,222
-That's not how I laugh.
-That's exactly
how you sound, man.
749
00:32:39,224 --> 00:32:41,825
Either way, I never said
"finger-bang you with
my magical wizard hands."
750
00:32:41,827 --> 00:32:43,226
Well, you might as well have.
751
00:32:43,228 --> 00:32:45,195
The shit you were saying
back there
didn't even make sense.
752
00:32:45,197 --> 00:32:47,631
Harry, look around.
753
00:32:47,633 --> 00:32:49,266
We're in
a fast and the furious
movie right now.
754
00:32:49,268 --> 00:32:50,968
Nothing has to make sense.
755
00:32:51,402 --> 00:32:52,636
Dude.
756
00:32:52,638 --> 00:32:54,137
This is the stripper flight.
757
00:32:55,640 --> 00:32:57,174
Okay. What's
a stripper flight?
758
00:32:57,176 --> 00:32:59,843
Stripper flight
is this legendary flight
from tampa to Vegas,
759
00:32:59,845 --> 00:32:59,843
filled with strippers.
760
00:32:59,845 --> 00:33:04,181
Because everyone knows
the two meccas for strip clubs
are tampa and Vegas, right?
761
00:33:04,183 --> 00:33:06,283
Oh. Yeah, I think that was
a question on my lsats.
762
00:33:06,285 --> 00:33:08,819
So, all the best strippers
work both places.
763
00:33:08,821 --> 00:33:10,887
Tampa, weekdays.
Vegas, weekends.
764
00:33:10,889 --> 00:33:12,155
There's this one flight.
765
00:33:12,157 --> 00:33:14,157
According to legend, every Thursday night,
766
00:33:14,159 --> 00:33:17,227
the hottest strippers in tampa get on the same plane to Vegas.
767
00:33:17,229 --> 00:33:20,630
And Vegas is a 24-hour town, so they get on that plane ready to go.
768
00:33:20,632 --> 00:33:22,132
You know, time is money.
769
00:33:22,134 --> 00:33:22,132
And you can't just, like, buy a ticket.
770
00:33:22,134 --> 00:33:26,703
It's not like these flights are advertised as the stripper flight.
771
00:33:26,705 --> 00:33:28,872
They're totally random and unpredictable.
772
00:33:28,874 --> 00:33:30,574
Dude, just like strippers.
773
00:33:30,576 --> 00:33:32,776
But every now and then, the stars align,
774
00:33:32,778 --> 00:33:35,112
and some lucky bastard gets bumped off his flight,
775
00:33:36,147 --> 00:33:39,349
and finds himself on the stripper flight.
776
00:33:39,351 --> 00:33:41,318
And if you ever end up on the stripper flight,
777
00:33:41,320 --> 00:33:45,122
you owe it to yourself to go balls out.
778
00:33:46,524 --> 00:33:46,523
Ladies and gentlemen,
779
00:33:46,525 --> 00:33:50,394
as you can see, the captain has turned off the fasten seatbelt sign.
780
00:33:50,396 --> 00:33:51,495
You are now free to get your freak on.
781
00:34:12,250 --> 00:34:13,583
Yeah!
782
00:34:13,585 --> 00:34:15,752
Okay.
Not my most profound story...
783
00:34:15,754 --> 00:34:17,154
Yeah, but maybe your longest.
784
00:34:17,156 --> 00:34:18,822
But either way,
look at yesterday.
785
00:34:18,824 --> 00:34:20,157
You were this close
to marrying a woman
786
00:34:20,159 --> 00:34:21,658
who was
time-sharing her vagina,
787
00:34:21,660 --> 00:34:21,658
and look at today.
788
00:34:21,660 --> 00:34:26,096
You already spent
the afternoon with a bunch
of banging-hot sorority chicks
789
00:34:26,098 --> 00:34:27,197
in a hot tub.
790
00:34:27,199 --> 00:34:29,099
Okay, dickhead.
You're 30 years old.
791
00:34:29,101 --> 00:34:30,767
So are they. They're just
called women, now.
792
00:34:30,769 --> 00:34:33,637
Either way.
I bet there's gonna be a bunch
of hot sorority "women"
793
00:34:33,639 --> 00:34:35,705
at this dope house party
I'm about to take you to.
794
00:34:35,707 --> 00:34:37,607
Well, we're in the middle
of nowhere.
795
00:34:37,609 --> 00:34:37,607
We look like assholes.
796
00:34:37,609 --> 00:34:42,512
And this dope-ass
house party is definitely
going to be a meth lab.
797
00:34:42,514 --> 00:34:44,281
I bet the party's this way.
798
00:34:44,283 --> 00:34:46,850
Oh, directly into the jungle?
Yeah, that makes sense.
799
00:34:52,857 --> 00:34:55,025
Nicest meth lab I've seen.
800
00:34:55,027 --> 00:34:56,460
How many meth labs
have you seen?
801
00:34:57,328 --> 00:34:58,662
Three.
802
00:34:58,664 --> 00:35:00,330
This is gonna be
fucking awesome.
803
00:35:04,735 --> 00:35:08,071
You know,
takes a big man
not to say I told you so.
804
00:35:08,073 --> 00:35:09,406
Okay. Let's get it over with.
805
00:35:09,408 --> 00:35:11,141
Get what over with?
806
00:35:11,143 --> 00:35:13,143
-Just say it.
-What did you think
i was gonna say?
807
00:35:13,145 --> 00:35:13,143
You're not gonna
trick me into saying it.
808
00:35:13,145 --> 00:35:16,279
-Trick you into saying
what do you think?
-You're basically...
809
00:35:17,248 --> 00:35:19,516
Hello.
We're here for the party.
810
00:35:29,193 --> 00:35:30,827
Oh. Thank you.
811
00:35:32,096 --> 00:35:34,164
I hope they're serving food
at this party. I'm starving.
812
00:35:34,166 --> 00:35:36,399
Me too, man.
I'm doing mints right now.
813
00:35:36,401 --> 00:35:38,802
Oh. I haven't brushed my teeth
since yesterday,
814
00:35:38,804 --> 00:35:39,903
so two birds.
815
00:35:39,905 --> 00:35:42,239
Cool. Pre meal, I guess.
816
00:35:42,241 --> 00:35:43,907
-Oh, baby. That sucks.
-Too big, it wouldn't work.
817
00:35:43,909 --> 00:35:45,175
Couldn't smoke it
at the same time.
818
00:35:46,278 --> 00:35:47,978
Guys, you made it.
819
00:35:47,980 --> 00:35:49,412
Like, I'm so glad
you got here, huh?
820
00:35:49,414 --> 00:35:50,547
So glad.
821
00:35:50,549 --> 00:35:51,681
I brought my friend, Harry.
822
00:35:51,683 --> 00:35:53,650
--Oh, hi, friend Harry.
823
00:35:53,652 --> 00:35:56,319
Hey. So, you guys live here?
824
00:35:56,321 --> 00:35:56,319
This is our vacation home.
We just...
825
00:35:56,321 --> 00:36:00,657
We just come out here
for one or two months
at a time when, uh...
826
00:36:00,659 --> 00:36:03,026
When monte-Carlo's feeling
a little too chintzy.
827
00:36:03,028 --> 00:36:05,962
Yeah, monte-Carlo. It's like
the Branson of the riviera.
828
00:36:05,964 --> 00:36:08,665
Yeah. Just gets...
It's too much sometimes.
829
00:36:08,667 --> 00:36:11,134
Lemme show you guys
around our little...
830
00:36:11,136 --> 00:36:12,435
Our little jungle abode.
831
00:36:13,839 --> 00:36:15,005
Have fun, boys.
832
00:36:15,007 --> 00:36:16,339
All right, eh. See ya.
833
00:36:16,341 --> 00:36:18,642
Hey, this place
fucking rules, dude.
834
00:36:18,644 --> 00:36:19,809
Oh, thanks, man. Thanks.
835
00:36:19,811 --> 00:36:21,444
- Hey, Marcel.
- Hello, monsieur.
836
00:36:21,446 --> 00:36:23,813
How're you doing?
This is my head chef, Marcel.
837
00:36:23,815 --> 00:36:25,282
Dude, you got a head chef?
838
00:36:25,284 --> 00:36:27,684
Marcel, these are my pals,
Harry and bowie.
839
00:36:27,686 --> 00:36:27,684
Pleasure to meet you.
840
00:36:27,686 --> 00:36:31,555
We stole him from
one of those real fancy
restaurants over in Europe.
841
00:36:31,557 --> 00:36:33,657
You know, the kind
where they don't
let you wear shorts,
842
00:36:33,659 --> 00:36:34,925
and you can't even
bring your own beer.
843
00:36:34,927 --> 00:36:36,593
One of those dumps, you know.
844
00:36:36,595 --> 00:36:37,894
Ugh, yeah.
845
00:36:37,896 --> 00:36:39,129
Cost me a fortune, man.
846
00:36:39,131 --> 00:36:43,166
This guy can make an omelet
you just wanna fuck.
847
00:36:43,168 --> 00:36:44,634
Hey, Kenny.
This place is amazing.
848
00:36:44,636 --> 00:36:47,404
I love how nothing matches.
849
00:36:47,406 --> 00:36:48,972
-Thanks, man. Thanks.
-Yeah, it's fun.
850
00:36:48,974 --> 00:36:48,972
-I like it.
-What do you do?
851
00:36:48,974 --> 00:36:52,576
Well, I like to think
of myself as an inventor,
you know.
852
00:36:52,578 --> 00:36:55,412
Some of it's
alternative licensing.
853
00:36:55,414 --> 00:36:57,047
Like, have you heard of
the George foreman grill?
854
00:36:57,049 --> 00:36:59,316
-Oh, yeah. You came up with
the George foreman grill?
-Dude. No way.
855
00:36:59,318 --> 00:37:02,152
No, no, no. There's
a Larry Holmes hot plate.
Look at that guy.
856
00:37:02,154 --> 00:37:03,286
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
857
00:37:03,288 --> 00:37:04,621
Marcel's a wizard
on that thing.
858
00:37:04,623 --> 00:37:06,056
Look, look. Out there.
You see out there?
859
00:37:06,058 --> 00:37:08,225
People under that, uh,
under the blanket,
860
00:37:08,227 --> 00:37:09,826
with all of the sleeves
cut out of it?
861
00:37:09,828 --> 00:37:11,394
-Well, I'll be. No way.
-No, no, no.
862
00:37:11,396 --> 00:37:13,563
That is a squilt.
That is a squilt.
863
00:37:13,565 --> 00:37:15,432
There's a trademark
on the other thing.
864
00:37:15,434 --> 00:37:16,566
Some lawsuits pending.
865
00:37:16,568 --> 00:37:18,268
If it is, uh,
agreeable with monsieur,
866
00:37:18,270 --> 00:37:19,936
-i started serving
the hors d'oeuvres.
-Mmm-hmm.
867
00:37:19,938 --> 00:37:22,606
We have a saffron-infused
lobster mini-cake,
868
00:37:22,608 --> 00:37:25,408
-served on a jalapeno dill
crouton bread.
-Ooh.
869
00:37:25,410 --> 00:37:27,611
-Mmm. That sounds really good.
-That sounds amazing.
870
00:37:27,613 --> 00:37:29,179
-Mmm-hmm.
-I mean, that's agreeable,
yeah.
871
00:37:29,181 --> 00:37:30,680
-Know what else is agreeable,
though?
-Hmm?
872
00:37:30,682 --> 00:37:33,116
Bagel bites. Ha ha, yeah, man.
873
00:37:33,118 --> 00:37:34,317
-Bagel bites, monsieur?
-Yeah.
874
00:37:34,319 --> 00:37:36,152
You know. It's the...
It's the...
875
00:37:36,154 --> 00:37:37,354
It's like a little pizza
876
00:37:37,356 --> 00:37:38,788
but it's on a bagel,
877
00:37:38,790 --> 00:37:40,190
and you just... you bite it.
878
00:37:40,192 --> 00:37:42,359
We got some in the freezer,
pop in the microwave.
879
00:37:42,361 --> 00:37:44,894
I tried to make my own.
Inventor.
880
00:37:44,896 --> 00:37:47,664
Uh, mini muffin munchers...
That's what I call 'em, but...
881
00:37:47,666 --> 00:37:49,866
Can't fuck
with perfection, man.
882
00:37:49,868 --> 00:37:51,167
They nailed it.
They nailed it.
883
00:37:51,169 --> 00:37:53,603
But those lobster croutons
sound amazing.
884
00:37:53,605 --> 00:37:55,405
You can make
the other things, too,
a couple of those.
885
00:37:55,407 --> 00:37:58,408
Bagel bites.
Your culinary wish
is my command.
886
00:38:00,846 --> 00:38:02,612
Gracias.
887
00:38:03,381 --> 00:38:03,380
Dude, you speak that language?
888
00:38:03,382 --> 00:38:06,683
No, no. I just don't want him
to feel left out, you know.
889
00:38:06,685 --> 00:38:08,451
It's pretty, though.
Sounds so pretty.
890
00:38:08,453 --> 00:38:10,987
Can I show you
what I really do for a living,
though? My true passion.
891
00:38:10,989 --> 00:38:12,555
-You wanna see it?
-Oh, fuck, yeah, Kenny.
892
00:38:12,557 --> 00:38:13,823
-You go check it out.
-Okay, come on. Come here.
893
00:38:13,825 --> 00:38:15,592
I can't wait to.
It's gonna be so rad.
894
00:38:16,127 --> 00:38:17,227
Mints.
895
00:38:29,273 --> 00:38:30,940
Hey.
896
00:38:30,942 --> 00:38:32,175
I didn't know
you were gonna be here.
897
00:38:32,177 --> 00:38:34,010
- Hi.
-What're you doing here?
898
00:38:34,012 --> 00:38:37,380
Oh, uh, yeah. I just, uh,
came from a night dive.
899
00:38:37,382 --> 00:38:39,182
If I didn't find these shoes
in the bottom of my bag,
900
00:38:39,184 --> 00:38:41,017
I'd be standing here
in flippers.
901
00:38:41,019 --> 00:38:42,085
You look great.
902
00:38:42,087 --> 00:38:44,020
Aw, thanks. You're so sweet.
903
00:38:44,022 --> 00:38:47,023
You look exactly the same.
904
00:38:47,025 --> 00:38:48,925
- What? No.
905
00:38:48,927 --> 00:38:50,093
No, this is different.
906
00:38:51,629 --> 00:38:54,297
That was my beach tux.
907
00:38:54,299 --> 00:38:55,832
Oh, yeah. It's all right.
908
00:38:55,834 --> 00:38:57,500
Yeah.
This is my cocktail t-shirt.
909
00:38:58,269 --> 00:38:59,502
Obviously.
910
00:39:01,706 --> 00:39:05,141
This... this is my lab, huh.
911
00:39:05,143 --> 00:39:07,344
Fuckin' Harry was right.
Jesus...
912
00:39:08,547 --> 00:39:09,646
Kenny!
913
00:39:10,181 --> 00:39:11,681
You devil. What is this?
914
00:39:11,683 --> 00:39:13,249
Yeah, I know.
915
00:39:13,251 --> 00:39:16,686
Yeah. We're the premiere
manufacturer and retailer
916
00:39:16,688 --> 00:39:20,023
of alternatively-sized
and uniquely-shaped
pleasure products
917
00:39:20,025 --> 00:39:20,023
-in the western hemisphere.
-Okay.
918
00:39:20,025 --> 00:39:24,394
Yeah, yeah. Well, I'm not
trying to compete with Japan.
They're on another level.
919
00:39:24,396 --> 00:39:24,394
Yeah, they're the number ones?
920
00:39:24,396 --> 00:39:28,465
Yeah, they do all kinds
of stuff with real dolls
and, like, fuck squids.
921
00:39:28,467 --> 00:39:31,234
Anyway, so yeah.
Marthy calls this
my fuck factory.
922
00:39:31,236 --> 00:39:32,869
Dude. Uniquely-shaped,
alternatively-sized.
923
00:39:32,871 --> 00:39:34,804
All right. What is this?
What is this?
924
00:39:34,806 --> 00:39:36,206
Oh. Oh, this one here.
Okay, this guy.
925
00:39:36,208 --> 00:39:37,307
This is a top seller.
926
00:39:37,309 --> 00:39:38,942
Now, say you got a gal.
She's in the mood,
927
00:39:38,944 --> 00:39:40,910
but she has, like, a very, um,
928
00:39:40,912 --> 00:39:42,879
shallow, wide vagina.
929
00:39:42,881 --> 00:39:44,013
-Okay.
-It happens.
930
00:39:44,015 --> 00:39:45,548
-Yeah. No, no. I know.
-You know, we're all...
931
00:39:45,550 --> 00:39:48,251
It's the differences
that makes us, uh,
a whole thing.
932
00:39:48,253 --> 00:39:49,719
Now, something like this.
Something like this.
933
00:39:49,721 --> 00:39:51,054
Look, this is gonna
brutalize her.
934
00:39:51,056 --> 00:39:53,056
This is gonna... this is gonna
935
00:39:53,058 --> 00:39:54,290
puncture a lung.
You know?
936
00:39:54,292 --> 00:39:55,992
This is like an nba player
937
00:39:55,994 --> 00:39:57,127
diving into a kiddie pool.
938
00:39:57,129 --> 00:39:58,395
You can't deal with this.
939
00:39:58,397 --> 00:40:00,263
This is gonna hit
all the erogenous zones,
940
00:40:00,265 --> 00:40:02,665
but not go too deep
and, uh, cause discomfort.
941
00:40:02,667 --> 00:40:04,501
That's the little miss muff
right there.
942
00:40:04,503 --> 00:40:07,170
-Feel that, that's just,
the consistency's there.
-Dude, they're the same.
943
00:40:07,172 --> 00:40:08,872
-Yeah, yeah. I know.
-This one, what is this one,
Kenny?
944
00:40:08,874 --> 00:40:11,808
Okay, oh. This, this one,
this is our sidewinder.
945
00:40:11,810 --> 00:40:15,111
Uh, this is for, like,
okay. You're a guy, you're
in the mood all the time.
946
00:40:15,113 --> 00:40:17,347
--But you're more of a
boomerang than a bow staff.
947
00:40:17,349 --> 00:40:19,015
-Hmm.
-You know what I'm saying?
Rhino.
948
00:40:19,017 --> 00:40:20,283
Rhino... that's you?
949
00:40:20,285 --> 00:40:21,551
Buddy.
950
00:40:21,553 --> 00:40:23,620
So that's gonna go
right on there,
951
00:40:23,622 --> 00:40:24,754
and it's gonna hit
all the spots...
952
00:40:24,756 --> 00:40:26,689
No, I know.
I can visualize it for sure.
953
00:40:26,691 --> 00:40:28,091
Dude, how do you
come up with this shit?
954
00:40:28,093 --> 00:40:29,559
This is, fucking, so smart.
955
00:40:29,561 --> 00:40:31,728
Well, I mean,
I've always been a tinkerer.
956
00:40:31,730 --> 00:40:31,728
You know, they've got
big and tall stores
957
00:40:31,730 --> 00:40:36,199
for clothes, they've got that.
But, uh, it's like
the same concept,
958
00:40:36,201 --> 00:40:38,468
but I just applied it
to, uh, your fuck parts.
959
00:40:38,470 --> 00:40:39,836
Fucking genius.
960
00:40:39,838 --> 00:40:41,304
It's why I live in a mansion,
man.
961
00:40:42,506 --> 00:40:43,807
Kenny, is that
your product shot?
962
00:40:43,809 --> 00:40:46,009
Yeah, yeah,
that's Martha's idea,
you know,
963
00:40:46,011 --> 00:40:46,009
we gotta get the brand
out there,
964
00:40:46,011 --> 00:40:50,447
she's like, "we gotta put a
face to the name
of the company,"
965
00:40:50,449 --> 00:40:53,716
so we're trying to be
the Billy mays of dildos,
and everything, you know?
966
00:40:53,718 --> 00:40:54,784
Yeah, but he died, though.
967
00:40:55,186 --> 00:40:56,252
What?
968
00:40:58,889 --> 00:41:00,790
--Mmm.
969
00:41:01,959 --> 00:41:04,527
- To random encounters.
970
00:41:04,529 --> 00:41:08,832
So, I have a tiny confession
to make.
971
00:41:08,834 --> 00:41:11,801
-Okay.
-I knew I was going to
see you here tonight.
972
00:41:11,803 --> 00:41:14,838
-You did?
-That's why I decided
to cut my dive short
973
00:41:14,840 --> 00:41:16,473
and get all dressed up.
974
00:41:17,374 --> 00:41:18,842
How did you know
about the party?
975
00:41:18,844 --> 00:41:20,577
Oh, it's not that big
an island.
976
00:41:20,579 --> 00:41:23,513
You ask the right people
the right questions
you can find out anything.
977
00:41:23,515 --> 00:41:25,048
What else do I not
know about you?
978
00:41:25,850 --> 00:41:28,017
Oh, I am full of secrets...
979
00:41:29,653 --> 00:41:33,156
-Well, I have a tiny
confession to make as well.
-Uh-oh.
980
00:41:33,158 --> 00:41:36,526
Things just got interesting.
Mmm, let me guess.
981
00:41:36,528 --> 00:41:37,760
You're a spy.
982
00:41:37,762 --> 00:41:37,760
Nope.
983
00:41:37,762 --> 00:41:41,297
The real Harry is just
some guy you left
in a ditch somewhere?
984
00:41:41,299 --> 00:41:45,068
Wow, that took
a sharp left turn. No.
985
00:41:45,070 --> 00:41:47,871
Is serial killer
always your second go-to?
986
00:41:47,873 --> 00:41:49,839
I don't know why more people
don't ask that
right off the bat.
987
00:41:49,841 --> 00:41:53,009
I mean, I think it's
a pretty important thing
to know.
988
00:41:53,011 --> 00:41:55,645
-Why, have you killed
somebody before?
-Uh-uh, I asked you first.
989
00:41:56,780 --> 00:41:58,515
- Not that I know of.
990
00:42:00,651 --> 00:42:04,821
So, what was your
non-serial killer
confession?
991
00:42:05,189 --> 00:42:06,856
Oh...
992
00:42:07,725 --> 00:42:08,791
I'm not really...
993
00:42:11,562 --> 00:42:13,496
I'm not really
a big fan of the ocean.
994
00:42:13,498 --> 00:42:16,533
What? What? How
can you not like the ocean?
995
00:42:16,535 --> 00:42:20,069
That's like saying you
don't like music or are not
that big a fan of food.
996
00:42:20,071 --> 00:42:21,938
Let me clarify. I used to
like the ocean,
997
00:42:21,940 --> 00:42:24,707
and then I saw this
monster hunters episode
where they go looking
998
00:42:24,709 --> 00:42:28,678
for the giant squid, and then
ever since then, haven't
stepped foot in the water.
999
00:42:28,680 --> 00:42:31,347
The kraken episode,
that is my favorite episode!
1000
00:42:31,349 --> 00:42:33,716
-Yes. It is?
-Totally!
1001
00:42:33,718 --> 00:42:35,351
Like when they find out
there's thousands of squid
1002
00:42:35,353 --> 00:42:37,921
just hanging out a few hundred
feet below the ocean surface?
1003
00:42:37,923 --> 00:42:39,822
-The squid superhighway!
-Superhighway!
1004
00:42:39,824 --> 00:42:41,457
Scariest fucking thing
I've ever seen!
1005
00:42:41,459 --> 00:42:43,459
Oh, come on, it's not
scary, it's fascinating.
1006
00:42:43,461 --> 00:42:46,429
How they all came up
to that one squid,
put the camera on him,
1007
00:42:46,431 --> 00:42:49,899
and instead of attacking
him they were just curious
and looking at him,
1008
00:42:49,901 --> 00:42:51,367
it was like,
it was so cute.
1009
00:42:51,369 --> 00:42:54,470
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Teddy bears are cute.
1010
00:42:54,472 --> 00:42:56,205
Penguins are cute.
1011
00:42:56,207 --> 00:42:59,042
Super-intelligent squid?
Nightmare fucking material.
1012
00:42:59,044 --> 00:43:02,245
Oh, come on.
It doesn't sound amazing?
1013
00:43:02,247 --> 00:43:03,813
It's like that ll cool j
movie.
1014
00:43:03,815 --> 00:43:03,813
No!
1015
00:43:03,815 --> 00:43:07,951
I mean, yes on the ll cool j
movie, except that was
with sharks.
1016
00:43:07,953 --> 00:43:09,986
But no on the giant squid.
1017
00:43:09,988 --> 00:43:12,322
They are like
the assholes of the ocean.
1018
00:43:12,324 --> 00:43:15,491
That's why all the
deep-sea divers had to wear
those special wet suits
1019
00:43:15,493 --> 00:43:18,227
it had so much chainmail
on it, it was basically
bulletproof.
1020
00:43:18,229 --> 00:43:20,463
I know! How awesome is that?
1021
00:43:21,532 --> 00:43:23,766
Okay, like...
1022
00:43:23,768 --> 00:43:29,806
When you see something
that is beautiful
and captivating and unknown,
1023
00:43:29,808 --> 00:43:31,674
don't you just wanna jump in?
1024
00:43:36,981 --> 00:43:38,081
No!
1025
00:43:38,083 --> 00:43:42,251
Not at all.
In fact, ever since I saw
that episode,
1026
00:43:42,253 --> 00:43:45,188
I've been eating more
calamari, 'cause fuck squid.
1027
00:43:45,190 --> 00:43:49,959
Well, that's just too bad,
'cause I'm part squid,
you know?
1028
00:43:49,961 --> 00:43:52,428
-Oh, you are?
-Uh-huh. On my mother's side.
1029
00:43:52,430 --> 00:43:53,529
They're from northern Europe.
1030
00:43:54,598 --> 00:43:57,767
You don't look squid-ish
at all.
1031
00:43:57,769 --> 00:43:59,535
Well, check it out.
1032
00:44:03,607 --> 00:44:04,707
It's a Gill.
1033
00:44:05,976 --> 00:44:07,176
How'd you do that?
1034
00:44:09,246 --> 00:44:10,813
Same way I did this.
1035
00:44:13,117 --> 00:44:15,485
This is for my aunt bernice.
1036
00:44:25,496 --> 00:44:26,562
Fuck squid!
1037
00:44:26,997 --> 00:44:28,431
Harry?
1038
00:44:28,433 --> 00:44:30,867
Harry, are you okay?
1039
00:44:30,869 --> 00:44:33,403
-What happened?
-I don't know, you just
kept saying
1040
00:44:33,405 --> 00:44:36,039
"fuck squid" over and over
again, and then you...
1041
00:44:36,041 --> 00:44:38,474
Okay, you know what?
This party is lame,
1042
00:44:38,476 --> 00:44:41,110
we're leaving.
Are you coming
or are you staying?
1043
00:44:42,279 --> 00:44:44,514
What the fuck
are you looking at?
1044
00:44:44,516 --> 00:44:46,516
Are you having a stroke?
1045
00:44:50,554 --> 00:44:51,754
Hello?
1046
00:44:56,894 --> 00:44:59,629
What the fuck is wrong
with this guy?
1047
00:44:59,631 --> 00:45:01,531
Okay, you know what?
We're leaving.
1048
00:45:01,533 --> 00:45:04,534
Okay. Are you gonna be okay?
Bye, Harry.
1049
00:45:07,938 --> 00:45:09,105
Fuck squid.
1050
00:45:12,510 --> 00:45:15,978
So this guy, he's like,
"hey, man, that's not
a wrench,"
1051
00:45:15,980 --> 00:45:18,314
and I was like, "don't worry,
I'm not a mechanic!"
1052
00:45:21,686 --> 00:45:24,387
Oh, man, that was...
I didn't see that one
coming, man. That's great.
1053
00:45:25,289 --> 00:45:28,091
Thanks, Kenny.
Thanks, Martha.
1054
00:45:28,093 --> 00:45:30,560
I just want to say thanks
for inviting us over here,
1055
00:45:30,562 --> 00:45:30,560
you guys are so cool.
1056
00:45:30,562 --> 00:45:34,664
You thought you were going
to a meth lab in the woods,
didn't you?
1057
00:45:34,666 --> 00:45:36,432
-No, I didn't...
-That's what, that's what
he thought.
1058
00:45:36,434 --> 00:45:39,435
--Okay, for, like, a second!
Just for a second!
1059
00:45:39,437 --> 00:45:41,804
You don't know what you're
getting into!
1060
00:45:41,806 --> 00:45:45,308
No, man, now see,
that's the thing, like, I know
what it looks like,
1061
00:45:45,310 --> 00:45:47,210
but we don't judge
people here,
that's what's going on here.
1062
00:45:47,212 --> 00:45:47,210
I love that.
1063
00:45:47,212 --> 00:45:50,546
-Anybody can come, you do
what you wanna do.
-Yes.
1064
00:45:50,548 --> 00:45:52,148
-You do who you wanna do.
-Yes.
1065
00:45:52,150 --> 00:45:54,417
I know it looks like
a lot of derelicts
1066
00:45:54,419 --> 00:45:57,019
and ne'er do Wells
around here, shady characters,
you know?
1067
00:45:57,021 --> 00:46:01,257
But some of these people,
some of these people
are nobel prize winners,
1068
00:46:01,259 --> 00:46:02,759
-you know?
-Mmm-hmm. Mmm-hmm.
1069
00:46:02,761 --> 00:46:04,327
That guy won a nobel prize?
1070
00:46:04,329 --> 00:46:07,430
Him, oh, no, no.
That's Jerry. Jerry's...
1071
00:46:07,432 --> 00:46:09,532
Jerry's got a crack problem.
1072
00:46:09,534 --> 00:46:11,367
Here, baby. Have one of these.
1073
00:46:11,369 --> 00:46:15,104
Martha, I can't have any more
of these, I've been fucking
eating the shit out of them.
1074
00:46:15,106 --> 00:46:17,607
-So I'm full. You know.
-You ate a bunch of these?
1075
00:46:17,609 --> 00:46:19,642
--Yeah, kind of for dinner.
1076
00:46:21,246 --> 00:46:22,945
What?
1077
00:46:22,947 --> 00:46:24,680
He ate them
for dinner.
1078
00:46:26,317 --> 00:46:28,151
You wanted to get
on our level.
1079
00:46:28,153 --> 00:46:30,353
You just did, man.
1080
00:46:30,355 --> 00:46:32,655
- With a bullet.
1081
00:46:32,657 --> 00:46:35,158
I hope that tux has
a seatbelt, buddy.
1082
00:46:35,160 --> 00:46:39,095
-These aren't mints?
-No, baby, these aren't
just mints.
1083
00:46:39,097 --> 00:46:41,831
We found out these orgies
always turned out
a little more fun
1084
00:46:41,833 --> 00:46:43,766
if everybody was
tripping balls.
1085
00:46:43,768 --> 00:46:45,368
So we...
1086
00:46:45,370 --> 00:46:46,602
Ooh, speaking of balls.
1087
00:46:46,604 --> 00:46:47,904
Did you say orgy?
1088
00:46:47,906 --> 00:46:50,640
Here we go. What is it,
8:30 already?
1089
00:46:52,109 --> 00:46:54,277
Um, bowie, guess what type
of oreo I like best.
1090
00:46:54,945 --> 00:46:56,212
Can you guess?
1091
00:46:56,214 --> 00:46:58,614
Probably a double stuffed,
you're going to say?
1092
00:46:58,616 --> 00:47:00,249
How did you...
1093
00:47:00,251 --> 00:47:00,249
You heard that joke already.
1094
00:47:00,251 --> 00:47:04,353
I love that almost as much
as I love getting banged
by two boys at the same time.
1095
00:47:04,355 --> 00:47:07,190
All right. Dealer's choice.
Lightning round. Let's go.
Who wants what?
1096
00:47:07,192 --> 00:47:08,925
Yeah, look,
i gotta coach, so get...
1097
00:47:09,393 --> 00:47:11,093
Jesus Christ.
1098
00:47:11,095 --> 00:47:14,363
Look at the ass
on this one. Who's your dad,
Michelangelo?
1099
00:47:14,365 --> 00:47:16,666
It's like two cantaloupes
trying to kiss each other
back there.
1100
00:47:16,668 --> 00:47:19,368
Look at that.
Let them even move
when you did that.
1101
00:47:19,370 --> 00:47:20,736
That's good.
1102
00:47:20,738 --> 00:47:24,173
That's a strong ass.
Just relax, man. Just relax.
1103
00:47:24,175 --> 00:47:27,810
Sweetie, do you want to get
fucked? Because, no, no,
you're a guest in our home.
1104
00:47:27,812 --> 00:47:30,112
You gotta loosen up.
-You fucked me, Kenny.
1105
00:47:30,114 --> 00:47:32,949
No, I mean somebody
might fuck you, but it
wasn't me.
1106
00:47:42,926 --> 00:47:44,594
Gotta find Harry.
1107
00:47:50,767 --> 00:47:52,602
Gotta find Harry.
1108
00:47:55,339 --> 00:47:56,973
Gotta find Harry.
1109
00:48:01,011 --> 00:48:02,078
Gotta find Harry.
1110
00:48:04,548 --> 00:48:05,748
Gotta find Harry.
1111
00:48:06,884 --> 00:48:06,883
Gotta find Harry.
1112
00:48:06,885 --> 00:48:12,455
Fuck Harry. Let's go bury ourselves in some man ass.
1113
00:48:12,457 --> 00:48:13,756
Who said that?
1114
00:48:13,758 --> 00:48:15,491
Down here!
1115
00:48:16,593 --> 00:48:18,327
What's up, motherfucker?
1116
00:48:19,296 --> 00:48:21,998
No. This is crazy.
This is bad.
1117
00:48:22,000 --> 00:48:24,634
Oh, I know. This orgy started 20 minutes ago,
1118
00:48:24,636 --> 00:48:28,204
and I haven't played reverse jenga with any of these fine pieces of man meat.
1119
00:48:28,206 --> 00:48:30,072
It's a tragedy!
1120
00:48:30,074 --> 00:48:32,475
How is that a tragedy?
We're not gay, that sounds
crazy to me.
1121
00:48:32,477 --> 00:48:34,577
Speak for yourself, breeder.
1122
00:48:34,579 --> 00:48:35,811
What do you mean,
i bang chicks!
1123
00:48:35,813 --> 00:48:38,114
Ugh, don't remind me. I was there.
1124
00:48:38,116 --> 00:48:40,182
Yeah, so how are you
gay? I don't fucking get
what you're saying.
1125
00:48:40,184 --> 00:48:41,417
Don't talk so loud.
1126
00:48:41,419 --> 00:48:43,052
Bitch, you're not the boss of me.
1127
00:48:43,054 --> 00:48:43,052
You don't know everything that I do.
1128
00:48:43,054 --> 00:48:47,690
Yeah, I thought I did.
This is a real betrayal
i didn't see coming at all.
1129
00:48:50,994 --> 00:48:52,328
Harry.
1130
00:48:52,330 --> 00:48:53,529
-Harry.
-Hmm?
1131
00:48:53,531 --> 00:48:56,065
Harry, I'm freaking out, man.
1132
00:48:57,367 --> 00:48:58,434
Don't be rude.
1133
00:49:00,304 --> 00:49:01,370
Say hi to Jessica.
1134
00:49:04,541 --> 00:49:05,608
Hello.
1135
00:49:07,244 --> 00:49:08,711
How are you doing that
with your eyes?
1136
00:49:11,748 --> 00:49:12,815
I don't know.
1137
00:49:46,950 --> 00:49:50,519
Ten, 20, 30. Suppose
we have ten fingers.
What if we had nine fingers?
1138
00:49:50,521 --> 00:49:53,289
Then what would it be?
Nine, eight, 27, 36.
1139
00:49:58,061 --> 00:50:00,596
Look at my times tables. I'm a fucking times table wizard.
1140
00:50:00,598 --> 00:50:02,498
I remember in first grade
i couldn't do my times tables,
1141
00:50:02,500 --> 00:50:06,168
I cried so hard, the teacher
just passed me because she
didn't want to deal with it.
1142
00:50:16,346 --> 00:50:17,713
Dude, my thoughts
are in Spanish right now.
1143
00:50:19,850 --> 00:50:21,317
That's fucked,
'cause I don't know Spanish.
1144
00:50:26,923 --> 00:50:27,990
Bowie.
1145
00:50:28,525 --> 00:50:30,459
What?
1146
00:50:30,461 --> 00:50:32,595
Christine never liked
regular red M&M's.
1147
00:50:33,597 --> 00:50:35,164
She thought they were
boring.
1148
00:50:35,166 --> 00:50:36,232
That's weird.
1149
00:50:37,134 --> 00:50:38,834
She'd never eat
a red M&M.
1150
00:50:39,770 --> 00:50:41,604
Never eat
a red M&M.
1151
00:50:41,938 --> 00:50:43,672
Red M&M.
1152
00:50:43,674 --> 00:50:45,441
Maybe I'm just a regular
red M&M.
1153
00:50:47,278 --> 00:50:49,478
You are a regular
red M&M.
1154
00:50:49,480 --> 00:50:51,714
There's so many other types
of M&M's.
1155
00:50:51,716 --> 00:50:54,617
I don't like when
the M&M's take
their shells off...
1156
00:50:54,619 --> 00:50:56,986
And they pretend like
it's their clothes.
1157
00:50:56,988 --> 00:50:59,321
'Cause that's not
their clothes.
That's their skin.
1158
00:50:59,856 --> 00:51:01,557
Dark chocolate M&M's.
1159
00:51:01,559 --> 00:51:02,625
Dark chocolate.
1160
00:51:03,026 --> 00:51:04,493
Pretzel M&M's.
1161
00:51:04,495 --> 00:51:06,395
-Pretzel.
-Mini M&M's.
1162
00:51:06,397 --> 00:51:09,498
Mini.
- Pumpkin spice M&M's!
1163
00:51:09,500 --> 00:51:10,933
Harry?
-Uh-huh?
1164
00:51:10,935 --> 00:51:12,268
You need to bust out
of your shell.
1165
00:51:12,270 --> 00:51:14,270
Oh.
1166
00:51:14,272 --> 00:51:15,838
That's a good metaphor
for what we're talking about.
1167
00:51:21,511 --> 00:51:23,712
I'm just an M&M!
1168
00:51:26,751 --> 00:51:28,951
I'm just an M&M.
1169
00:51:28,953 --> 00:51:31,120
I don't wanna be
an M&M anymore.
1170
00:51:37,327 --> 00:51:38,961
I think my dick's gay, man.
1171
00:51:39,529 --> 00:51:40,596
Huh?
1172
00:51:51,908 --> 00:51:52,975
Good morning.
1173
00:51:56,012 --> 00:51:57,346
What happened?
1174
00:51:57,348 --> 00:51:58,414
I don't know.
1175
00:52:03,587 --> 00:52:04,653
Wait...
1176
00:52:05,388 --> 00:52:06,956
Is this crocodile dundee ii?
1177
00:52:06,958 --> 00:52:08,424
Yeah.
1178
00:52:08,426 --> 00:52:10,659
You got up just in time, man,
this is my favorite part.
1179
00:52:10,661 --> 00:52:12,161
Oh, yeah.
1180
00:52:12,163 --> 00:52:14,363
This is where he
switches clothes
with the bad guy
1181
00:52:14,365 --> 00:52:17,233
so that the other bad guys
shoot their boss
instead of him.
1182
00:52:17,235 --> 00:52:18,300
- Yeah.
-It's genius.
1183
00:52:18,568 --> 00:52:19,635
So good.
1184
00:52:21,738 --> 00:52:23,305
You know what would make
this movie even better?
1185
00:52:23,707 --> 00:52:24,940
Danny trejo?
1186
00:52:24,942 --> 00:52:26,408
Fucking right!
1187
00:52:26,410 --> 00:52:28,544
-Danny trejo makes
everything better.
-Yeah, he does.
1188
00:52:28,546 --> 00:52:31,881
Imagine crocodile dundee ii
starring Danny trejo...
1189
00:52:31,883 --> 00:52:31,881
Movie would be
10 minutes long.
1190
00:52:31,883 --> 00:52:35,951
They would just steal his
girlfriend, and then they'd
call him and be like,
1191
00:52:35,953 --> 00:52:38,120
"hey, we have your
girlfriend," and he'd
just be like...
1192
00:52:39,790 --> 00:52:42,057
And then they would just send
her back with
an apology letter
1193
00:52:42,059 --> 00:52:43,893
and a box of chocolates.
1194
00:52:43,895 --> 00:52:45,995
What about jaws
starring Danny trejo?
1195
00:52:45,997 --> 00:52:48,364
-Okay, is Danny trejo jaws?
-No.
1196
00:52:48,366 --> 00:52:51,901
Danny trejo swims out into
the middle of the ocean
to find jaws,
1197
00:52:51,903 --> 00:52:54,637
uppercuts jaws,
sends jaws in orbit,
1198
00:52:54,639 --> 00:52:58,374
and then Danny trejo
just stares into the camera
for an hour and a half.
1199
00:52:58,376 --> 00:53:00,809
Ooh. Independence day
starring Danny trejo.
1200
00:53:00,811 --> 00:53:03,145
Danny trejo rides his
motorcycle into space,
1201
00:53:03,147 --> 00:53:03,145
straight onto the
alien spaceship
1202
00:53:03,147 --> 00:53:08,150
and just looks at them all
and goes, "don't even fucking
think about it."
1203
00:53:08,152 --> 00:53:10,352
And then aliens are like,
"sorry," and they leave,
1204
00:53:10,354 --> 00:53:12,254
and then Danny trejo just
goes to will Smith like,
1205
00:53:12,256 --> 00:53:14,723
"quit fucking around
and start rapping."
1206
00:53:14,725 --> 00:53:16,959
Castaway starring
Danny trejo.
1207
00:53:16,961 --> 00:53:19,428
Where it's just trejo?
I like a just trejo film.
1208
00:53:19,430 --> 00:53:22,264
Except for the volleyball,
which is also Danny trejo.
1209
00:53:22,266 --> 00:53:24,533
Indiana trejo, where, the...
1210
00:53:24,535 --> 00:53:28,103
That he opens up the
ark of the covenant and then
the ark of the covenant melts.
1211
00:53:28,105 --> 00:53:30,439
-Mmm.
-'Cause it saw Danny trejo.
1212
00:53:30,441 --> 00:53:33,242
What if, instead
of fight club,
it's Danny trejo club.
1213
00:53:33,244 --> 00:53:35,911
Danny trejo is...
Mrs. doubtfire.
1214
00:53:35,913 --> 00:53:37,746
-Ooh.
-"Toodeloo.
1215
00:53:38,315 --> 00:53:39,782
"I miss my kids."
1216
00:53:39,784 --> 00:53:42,184
-What about Sophie's choice
starring Danny trejo.
-Ooh.
1217
00:53:42,186 --> 00:53:45,321
So Danny trejo has to decide
between two other
Danny trejos.
1218
00:53:45,323 --> 00:53:47,790
-So that's a triple trejo.
-Talking about a triple trejo.
1219
00:53:47,792 --> 00:53:51,393
Ooh. The lion king,
after mufasa held up simba,
1220
00:53:51,395 --> 00:53:54,863
the camera turns around,
and it's not simba, it's
goddamn Danny trejo.
1221
00:53:54,865 --> 00:53:56,332
-Mmm.
-And then mufasa's like,
1222
00:53:56,334 --> 00:53:57,967
"everything the light
touches,
1223
00:53:57,969 --> 00:54:00,803
"except for the elephant
graveyard," and Danny trejo's
like, "fuck you, dude,"
1224
00:54:00,805 --> 00:54:02,838
and he goes straight to
the elephant graveyard,
and guess what?
1225
00:54:02,840 --> 00:54:03,973
That's his now, too.
1226
00:54:14,017 --> 00:54:15,184
Oh, yes.
1227
00:54:15,819 --> 00:54:16,885
Thank you.
1228
00:54:18,688 --> 00:54:20,522
-Got the bags!
-Yes!
1229
00:54:20,524 --> 00:54:21,824
Can't wait to get out
of these tuxedos.
1230
00:54:21,826 --> 00:54:23,592
Yeah, I've been needing
this guy.
1231
00:54:24,561 --> 00:54:25,728
All right.
1232
00:54:27,097 --> 00:54:28,163
Yes.
1233
00:54:28,898 --> 00:54:30,699
This is your go bag?
1234
00:54:30,701 --> 00:54:31,767
Booze and candy?
1235
00:54:31,769 --> 00:54:33,602
What would be in your go bag?
1236
00:54:33,604 --> 00:54:35,904
I dunno, maybe a toothbrush,
some socks...
1237
00:54:35,906 --> 00:54:38,741
No, man, I wanna have
some fun if I need
to leave town.
1238
00:54:38,743 --> 00:54:39,808
Dig around. You're gonna
love it.
1239
00:54:40,910 --> 00:54:42,144
Nice. Baseball cards.
1240
00:54:42,146 --> 00:54:44,213
Yeah, I've been thinking,
and in the future,
1241
00:54:44,215 --> 00:54:46,015
money will end up being
valueless,
1242
00:54:46,017 --> 00:54:48,250
but you know
what people will always
Cherish and want?
1243
00:54:48,252 --> 00:54:49,485
Ken griffey Jr.
1244
00:54:51,087 --> 00:54:53,355
-Whoa!
-Fuck man, what the shit?
1245
00:54:53,357 --> 00:54:54,890
That is not my bag.
1246
00:54:54,892 --> 00:54:54,890
Yeah, I know.
1247
00:54:54,892 --> 00:54:58,694
I think I'd figure it out
if my best friend was
fucking Pablo Escobar.
1248
00:54:58,696 --> 00:55:00,929
What are you doing?
How did this
fucking get here?
1249
00:55:00,931 --> 00:55:02,698
--Hello?
1250
00:55:02,700 --> 00:55:04,500
-Hi. The door was open.
-Hey, Colette.
1251
00:55:05,168 --> 00:55:07,036
-Hi.
-Do you want some, uh...
1252
00:55:07,038 --> 00:55:09,038
-Some salt water Taffy?
-No, we don't have a lot
of it.
1253
00:55:09,040 --> 00:55:11,273
No thanks, I'm good.
1254
00:55:11,275 --> 00:55:14,376
I just came by because
Angela wants to hire you
for us for the day.
1255
00:55:15,478 --> 00:55:16,545
Okay, for what?
1256
00:55:17,480 --> 00:55:19,048
Massages.
1257
00:55:19,050 --> 00:55:22,951
-Oh, yes. Because that's...
-That's what we do.
That's what we do.
1258
00:55:22,953 --> 00:55:24,019
That's who we are.
1259
00:55:24,854 --> 00:55:24,853
Great.
1260
00:55:24,855 --> 00:55:28,791
So we'll come...
You should go,
you go get ready on the yacht.
1261
00:55:28,793 --> 00:55:30,726
Yeah, we'll freshen up,
and...
1262
00:55:30,728 --> 00:55:32,094
-We'll meet you there.
-Just go ahead.
1263
00:55:33,196 --> 00:55:34,596
Okay, yeah. I'll see
you there.
1264
00:55:35,031 --> 00:55:36,098
Okay.
1265
00:55:37,567 --> 00:55:37,566
-Oh, my god.
-Oh, my god.
1266
00:55:37,568 --> 00:55:41,837
You figure out what to do
with this, um, I'm gonna
go get us some clothes, okay?
1267
00:55:47,544 --> 00:55:49,712
You couldn't
find anything better?
1268
00:55:49,714 --> 00:55:51,213
I wouldn't be caught dead
in this.
1269
00:55:51,215 --> 00:55:53,849
This is by far the coolest
stuff they had at
the gift shop.
1270
00:55:53,851 --> 00:55:55,818
We look like extras
on Magnum, p.I.
1271
00:55:55,820 --> 00:55:57,686
Okay, how is that a bad thing?
1272
00:55:58,288 --> 00:55:59,355
Tom Selleck?
1273
00:56:00,890 --> 00:56:01,957
Goddamn it, you're right.
1274
00:56:02,392 --> 00:56:03,459
He is timeless.
1275
00:56:04,361 --> 00:56:05,694
Ladies!
1276
00:56:05,696 --> 00:56:08,897
Last night was crazy.
Who's ready to feel
some magic...
1277
00:56:08,899 --> 00:56:11,100
What are you guys?
What are you... okay.
Ouch.
1278
00:56:11,102 --> 00:56:13,302
Hey, this guy's
pinching my neck right now!
1279
00:56:13,304 --> 00:56:14,636
He's got a monkey grip.
1280
00:56:17,741 --> 00:56:19,241
Who the fuck are you?
1281
00:56:19,243 --> 00:56:20,442
I don't know.
Who the fuck are you?
1282
00:56:21,811 --> 00:56:23,078
What?
1283
00:56:27,016 --> 00:56:28,450
Honey...
1284
00:56:31,421 --> 00:56:32,588
Do you know these guys?
1285
00:56:33,390 --> 00:56:35,290
Um...
1286
00:56:35,292 --> 00:56:37,292
No, I never seen them
before in my life.
1287
00:56:38,828 --> 00:56:41,997
Well what's he talking
about magic fingers, then?
1288
00:56:42,632 --> 00:56:42,631
Um...
1289
00:56:42,633 --> 00:56:48,237
Oh, you know what?
I was dancing with the girls
the other night at the club,
1290
00:56:48,239 --> 00:56:50,305
and I hurt my back,
1291
00:56:50,307 --> 00:56:53,475
so I called the hotel
and I said, "do youse have
any massage therapists?"
1292
00:56:53,477 --> 00:56:55,911
This must be them,
you guys are the massage
therapists, right?
1293
00:56:55,913 --> 00:56:58,547
-Yep, that's us.
-Okay, cool, yeah, so they're
from the hotel.
1294
00:56:58,549 --> 00:57:01,049
-Oh, that makes sense. Yeah.
-Mmm. Yeah.
1295
00:57:01,051 --> 00:57:04,119
I mean, what two idiots
are going to voluntarily
wear clothes like that?
1296
00:57:05,522 --> 00:57:07,656
So, the hotel makes you wear
this shit?
1297
00:57:07,658 --> 00:57:10,159
Uh, yes, sir.
Feels like fiberglass.
1298
00:57:10,161 --> 00:57:11,593
-Pretty itchy.
-Oh, I bet it is.
1299
00:57:11,595 --> 00:57:11,593
May I see?
1300
00:57:11,595 --> 00:57:15,230
I actually think it makes me
look quite strapping.
Kinda buff, even.
1301
00:57:16,466 --> 00:57:18,066
Also a magnet for Bo.
1302
00:57:18,735 --> 00:57:18,734
I guess.
1303
00:57:18,736 --> 00:57:22,171
Okay, honey, why don't you
go downstairs
and get ready.
1304
00:57:22,173 --> 00:57:24,006
I'll send your friends
down in a sec.
1305
00:57:24,008 --> 00:57:25,941
Thank you, honey,
i love you.
1306
00:57:25,943 --> 00:57:27,576
Anything for you,
sugar lips.
1307
00:57:30,547 --> 00:57:31,847
You guys have a really
beautiful relationship.
1308
00:57:32,282 --> 00:57:34,016
Thank you.
1309
00:57:34,018 --> 00:57:37,953
So...
Your massage therapy
story might check out,
1310
00:57:39,122 --> 00:57:41,089
but that still doesn't mean
you're not gonna try
1311
00:57:41,091 --> 00:57:44,026
to get your slimy little
pencil dicks
into my wife.
1312
00:57:44,028 --> 00:57:45,394
-Slimy...
-Mine's actually average,
1313
00:57:45,396 --> 00:57:47,029
I've done research, and I have
nothing to be ashamed of.
1314
00:57:47,031 --> 00:57:49,832
Sir, I can assure you
that on behalf of the...
1315
00:57:49,834 --> 00:57:52,034
Tradewinds island resort,
1316
00:57:52,036 --> 00:57:54,436
we have no ill-intentions
towards your wife whatsoever.
1317
00:57:55,872 --> 00:57:56,939
Why would I believe that?
1318
00:57:58,608 --> 00:58:01,243
-Because...
-Because we're gay.
1319
00:58:01,245 --> 00:58:02,978
-Because we're gay.
-Yep.
1320
00:58:02,980 --> 00:58:04,546
Yeah.
1321
00:58:05,181 --> 00:58:06,648
- Gay?
- Super.
1322
00:58:06,650 --> 00:58:08,450
Super gay. We do all
the stereotypes.
1323
00:58:08,452 --> 00:58:09,818
Uh... I won best dressed
in high school...
1324
00:58:09,820 --> 00:58:12,087
Yep, yep,
we watch a lot of bravo.
1325
00:58:12,089 --> 00:58:14,456
-Really?
-We make, like, passionate
love to lady gaga, like,
1326
00:58:14,458 --> 00:58:17,559
-passionate love,
it's like two suns burning.
-That's a lot of detail.
1327
00:58:17,561 --> 00:58:19,061
You two knuckleheads,
1328
00:58:19,929 --> 00:58:21,430
you walk on to my yacht,
1329
00:58:22,065 --> 00:58:24,299
wanna touch my wife,
1330
00:58:24,301 --> 00:58:26,602
tell me you're gay
and you expect me
to believe it?
1331
00:58:29,405 --> 00:58:30,472
Yes?
1332
00:58:32,876 --> 00:58:35,377
Okay, then. Do you need
help finding your way
downstairs?
1333
00:58:37,313 --> 00:58:39,848
Wait, for real?
You believe it? We're good?
1334
00:58:39,850 --> 00:58:41,149
Yeah, sure. I believe you.
1335
00:58:41,151 --> 00:58:43,685
I mean, what, I'm gonna
make you touch dicks
or something?
1336
00:58:43,687 --> 00:58:46,855
This is the 21st century
for Christ's sakes,
1337
00:58:46,857 --> 00:58:51,026
couple of finnocchios
tell me they're gay,
which you two obviously are,
1338
00:58:51,028 --> 00:58:52,694
I'm not gonna make you
have to prove it.
1339
00:58:52,696 --> 00:58:56,498
It's like telling me you're
left-handed or red-headed.
1340
00:58:56,500 --> 00:58:58,033
I mean, I dunno if it's
obvious that we're gay.
1341
00:58:58,035 --> 00:58:59,835
Not quite sure what
Pinocchio has to do with this.
1342
00:58:59,837 --> 00:59:01,670
I feel like we give off
a masculine vibe.
1343
00:59:01,672 --> 00:59:03,639
Not at all.
See my guys here?
1344
00:59:04,908 --> 00:59:06,241
They're gay!
1345
00:59:06,243 --> 00:59:07,442
I officiated at their wedding.
1346
00:59:08,044 --> 00:59:09,511
Very beautiful.
1347
00:59:09,513 --> 00:59:10,712
Your mother cried...
1348
00:59:11,681 --> 00:59:12,881
-Very sweet.
-That's wonderful.
1349
00:59:12,883 --> 00:59:15,617
Now go.
Don't keep my wife waiting.
1350
00:59:15,619 --> 00:59:16,985
You guys need help
finding your way downstairs?
1351
00:59:16,987 --> 00:59:18,520
Nope, we'll find it.
1352
00:59:18,522 --> 00:59:20,489
If you guys excuse me,
I've got some business
to attend to.
1353
00:59:20,491 --> 00:59:21,557
No problem.
1354
00:59:24,727 --> 00:59:26,395
Just go below.
1355
00:59:26,397 --> 00:59:28,130
But way below, 'cause it's
a big boat.
1356
00:59:35,071 --> 00:59:36,605
I'm nervous.
1357
00:59:36,607 --> 00:59:37,940
I'm not. I do this stuff
at work all the time.
1358
00:59:38,207 --> 00:59:39,274
What?
1359
00:59:40,109 --> 00:59:41,176
Hello?
1360
00:59:44,213 --> 00:59:45,681
-Hello.
-Hi.
1361
00:59:46,282 --> 00:59:47,382
You ready?
1362
00:59:47,384 --> 00:59:48,850
Yeah, so, uh, where
do you want me?
1363
00:59:48,852 --> 00:59:50,152
Uh, the bed.
1364
00:59:50,154 --> 00:59:51,587
I mean... this table.
1365
00:59:51,589 --> 00:59:52,688
Table bed.
1366
00:59:54,257 --> 00:59:55,958
-Yeah.
-I'll turn around.
1367
00:59:55,960 --> 00:59:57,025
Thank you.
1368
00:59:57,694 --> 00:59:58,760
Okay.
1369
01:00:03,733 --> 01:00:05,100
-Hello.
-Hi.
1370
01:00:05,102 --> 01:00:06,535
Before we get started,
you should know that
1371
01:00:06,537 --> 01:00:09,638
a lot of my clients refer to
me as the David Blaine of
1372
01:00:09,640 --> 01:00:10,706
magic.
1373
01:00:11,374 --> 01:00:12,507
That doesn't make sense.
1374
01:00:12,509 --> 01:00:13,942
David Blaine... never mind.
1375
01:00:13,944 --> 01:00:13,942
Teachable moment.
1376
01:00:13,944 --> 01:00:20,349
Did you know that it's well
documented in scientific and
anthropological communities
1377
01:00:20,351 --> 01:00:20,349
that while
1378
01:00:20,351 --> 01:00:26,588
comparable and complementary
skills and attributes are
absolutely essential
1379
01:00:26,590 --> 01:00:28,857
in achieving intimacy
between two people,
1380
01:00:28,859 --> 01:00:31,059
the same is not so much
1381
01:00:31,061 --> 01:00:32,894
true when it comes
to things like
1382
01:00:32,896 --> 01:00:34,296
sexual fulfillment or
1383
01:00:34,298 --> 01:00:35,731
sheer, unbridled
1384
01:00:35,733 --> 01:00:37,633
animalistic passion.
1385
01:00:37,635 --> 01:00:40,068
-What the fuck is happening?
-Eye contact.
1386
01:00:40,070 --> 01:00:43,672
Studies have shown that when
it comes to pure adulterated
no strings attached sex
1387
01:00:43,674 --> 01:00:47,009
that's when the highest levels
of dopamine and oxytocin
are released from the body.
1388
01:00:47,011 --> 01:00:48,143
And subsequently,
1389
01:00:48,145 --> 01:00:50,746
the most intense and
pleasurable orgasms occur
1390
01:00:50,748 --> 01:00:54,716
when one partner has
disproportionately more
of something than the other.
1391
01:00:54,718 --> 01:00:58,286
In our case, it's like,
"oh, my god, take your pick,"
i mean maturity.
1392
01:00:58,288 --> 01:01:00,088
-No.
-Basic self-awareness.
1393
01:01:00,090 --> 01:01:01,990
I am very aware that
i am great.
1394
01:01:01,992 --> 01:01:03,558
Ability to see at night.
1395
01:01:03,560 --> 01:01:04,993
Who has that?
Which one of us is a lemur?
1396
01:01:04,995 --> 01:01:06,728
I mean the list
goes on and on. You get it,
1397
01:01:06,730 --> 01:01:08,463
blah, blah, blah.
You're terrible!
1398
01:01:11,634 --> 01:01:12,934
Intercourse...
1399
01:01:12,936 --> 01:01:14,002
Commence!
1400
01:01:14,837 --> 01:01:16,038
Okay!
1401
01:01:31,754 --> 01:01:33,155
--Whoa.
1402
01:01:33,157 --> 01:01:34,322
Are you okay?
1403
01:01:34,724 --> 01:01:36,124
Yep. Yeah.
1404
01:01:36,126 --> 01:01:38,060
Just, uh...
1405
01:01:38,062 --> 01:01:39,127
Fluffing your aura.
1406
01:01:40,063 --> 01:01:41,229
Oh.
1407
01:01:41,231 --> 01:01:42,664
Yeah.
1408
01:01:42,666 --> 01:01:43,932
-Thank you.
-Yeah.
1409
01:01:50,273 --> 01:01:51,640
So, um...
1410
01:01:51,642 --> 01:01:54,409
Do you that think maybe
you can get my upper bicuspid?
1411
01:01:56,179 --> 01:01:57,245
Your upper bicuspid?
1412
01:01:58,114 --> 01:02:00,082
-Sure.
-Hmm.
1413
01:02:00,084 --> 01:02:02,617
Of course, mine always
gets tight as well.
1414
01:02:04,420 --> 01:02:05,987
Okay, okay...
1415
01:02:05,989 --> 01:02:07,055
What are you doing?
1416
01:02:07,057 --> 01:02:08,123
What are you talking about?
1417
01:02:08,125 --> 01:02:09,524
This is my bicuspid!
1418
01:02:10,426 --> 01:02:12,094
Why do you want me
to massage your tooth?
1419
01:02:12,096 --> 01:02:13,762
Oh, my god, I don't want you
to massage my tooth.
1420
01:02:13,764 --> 01:02:15,530
-Now who the fuck are you?
-Okay!
1421
01:02:15,532 --> 01:02:16,598
Okay.
1422
01:02:17,500 --> 01:02:19,568
-I'm not a massage therapist.
-No shit.
1423
01:02:19,570 --> 01:02:20,769
Or a dentist.
1424
01:02:20,771 --> 01:02:22,404
Oh, and by the way I looked up
the handies.
1425
01:02:22,406 --> 01:02:23,605
You don't even want to know
what came up.
1426
01:02:23,607 --> 01:02:24,673
All right, the truth...
1427
01:02:25,875 --> 01:02:26,942
I'm here on my honeymoon.
1428
01:02:28,411 --> 01:02:29,511
With bowie?
1429
01:02:29,513 --> 01:02:30,946
Yeah.
1430
01:02:30,948 --> 01:02:32,214
Oh.
1431
01:02:32,216 --> 01:02:33,548
No, not like that.
1432
01:02:34,650 --> 01:02:37,252
I was supposed to get married
this past weekend.
1433
01:02:37,254 --> 01:02:38,754
Obviously, it didn't happen.
1434
01:02:38,756 --> 01:02:39,988
And so now,
1435
01:02:39,990 --> 01:02:42,190
bowie and I decided to go on
the honeymoon together.
1436
01:02:42,192 --> 01:02:43,825
It's just been a complete
what-the-fuck fest ever since.
1437
01:02:43,827 --> 01:02:43,825
I don't know what's going on.
1438
01:02:43,827 --> 01:02:47,395
Okay, the only thing I do know
is that the only time
I'm not completely
1439
01:02:47,397 --> 01:02:49,364
miserable is when
I'm with you.
1440
01:02:51,100 --> 01:02:52,367
Wow.
1441
01:02:52,369 --> 01:02:53,435
Yeah.
1442
01:02:54,203 --> 01:02:55,270
That really sucks.
1443
01:02:56,572 --> 01:02:58,106
Oh.
1444
01:02:58,108 --> 01:02:59,574
No, I mean that part about
1445
01:02:59,576 --> 01:03:00,776
your wedding sucks.
1446
01:03:01,944 --> 01:03:03,912
The other part
was really sweet.
1447
01:03:05,949 --> 01:03:07,783
You're the best thing that's
happened to me since Friday.
1448
01:03:15,124 --> 01:03:16,892
You know,
I've seen a lot of
1449
01:03:16,894 --> 01:03:18,994
movies that start
out this way.
1450
01:03:18,996 --> 01:03:21,696
I've been in a lot of movies
that started out this way.
1451
01:03:23,599 --> 01:03:24,666
Oh.
1452
01:03:25,234 --> 01:03:26,768
No, really.
1453
01:03:26,770 --> 01:03:31,406
So if at any point I start
taking off these sexy
little shorts...
1454
01:03:33,509 --> 01:03:35,043
Just stop me,
it's a bad habit.
1455
01:03:37,346 --> 01:03:38,547
Uh, okay, noted.
1456
01:03:40,316 --> 01:03:42,050
I'll...
1457
01:03:42,052 --> 01:03:43,285
Do some rocks.
1458
01:03:43,287 --> 01:03:44,352
My specialty.
1459
01:03:52,461 --> 01:03:54,429
--That's...
1460
01:03:55,965 --> 01:03:57,199
Oh, ow!
1461
01:03:57,201 --> 01:03:58,867
Okay, that one was hot.
It was on the bottom.
1462
01:03:59,702 --> 01:04:00,769
It's okay.
1463
01:04:01,838 --> 01:04:03,305
- Yes!
1464
01:04:07,911 --> 01:04:09,511
- Oh, my god, damn it!
1465
01:04:11,715 --> 01:04:13,915
I'm out of rocks, um...
1466
01:04:13,917 --> 01:04:15,150
I'm gonna go find some more.
1467
01:04:15,152 --> 01:04:16,218
You stay right here.
1468
01:04:17,620 --> 01:04:19,421
You're a sweet,
sweet angel from heaven.
1469
01:04:20,256 --> 01:04:21,690
- Hmm.
1470
01:04:24,627 --> 01:04:25,694
So...
1471
01:04:25,696 --> 01:04:26,761
How did it end?
1472
01:04:27,697 --> 01:04:29,130
Spectacularly.
1473
01:04:31,734 --> 01:04:32,934
So what do you really do?
1474
01:04:35,138 --> 01:04:36,238
I'm a lawyer.
1475
01:04:36,240 --> 01:04:37,939
-Shut up, you're a lawyer?
-Yeah.
1476
01:04:37,941 --> 01:04:40,308
And you've lied about being
a massage therapist?
1477
01:04:40,310 --> 01:04:41,443
I plead the fifth.
1478
01:04:42,913 --> 01:04:43,979
Well done.
1479
01:04:44,780 --> 01:04:45,914
What about you?
What do you do?
1480
01:04:46,382 --> 01:04:48,116
Oh, um...
1481
01:04:48,118 --> 01:04:51,186
I am a professional
waster of potential.
1482
01:04:52,788 --> 01:04:54,289
Okay, what does that mean?
1483
01:04:54,291 --> 01:04:56,024
You know when
you're a kid
1484
01:04:56,026 --> 01:04:58,326
and all you dream about is all
the wonderful and amazing
1485
01:04:58,328 --> 01:04:59,761
things you're gonna do
when you grow up?
1486
01:05:00,029 --> 01:05:01,563
Sure.
1487
01:05:01,565 --> 01:05:03,598
Well, I grew up and I never
did any of those things.
1488
01:05:05,101 --> 01:05:06,635
Oh, come on.
1489
01:05:06,637 --> 01:05:08,870
When I was a kid, I dreamed
about being a firetruck.
1490
01:05:08,872 --> 01:05:11,306
--Like literally a firetruck.
1491
01:05:11,308 --> 01:05:12,540
That's what I wanted to be.
1492
01:05:12,542 --> 01:05:14,576
Stop.
1493
01:05:14,578 --> 01:05:17,045
I mean, you had to have
done some cool
things with your life.
1494
01:05:19,015 --> 01:05:20,215
Yeah, I've done some things.
1495
01:05:21,918 --> 01:05:24,119
Okay...
1496
01:05:24,121 --> 01:05:26,521
It's killing me.
I know that I know you.
How do I know you?
1497
01:05:27,056 --> 01:05:28,123
Um...
1498
01:05:28,125 --> 01:05:29,190
Hmm...
1499
01:05:29,192 --> 01:05:31,159
Ah... okay. When I was 21,
1500
01:05:31,161 --> 01:05:34,462
I was picked to be the face
of a new energy sports drink.
1501
01:05:37,066 --> 01:05:38,967
- Diesel valve.
1502
01:05:38,969 --> 01:05:40,769
-Yeah.
-Oh, my god.
1503
01:05:40,771 --> 01:05:42,570
You're the diesel valkyrie.
1504
01:05:42,572 --> 01:05:45,407
--Holy shit.
1505
01:05:45,409 --> 01:05:48,576
That super bowl
commercial was huge.
You were everywhere.
1506
01:05:48,578 --> 01:05:52,380
Yeah, I was. I mean one minute
i was just some college kid
and the next...
1507
01:05:52,382 --> 01:05:53,481
Boom.
1508
01:05:53,983 --> 01:05:55,216
It's crazy.
1509
01:05:55,218 --> 01:05:57,519
You think your life is gonna
go this one way
1510
01:05:57,521 --> 01:06:00,155
and then something happens
that completely changes it.
1511
01:06:00,723 --> 01:06:02,157
Yeah.
1512
01:06:02,159 --> 01:06:03,224
So then what do you do?
1513
01:06:05,828 --> 01:06:07,195
It's your life.
1514
01:06:07,197 --> 01:06:08,296
You live it.
1515
01:06:10,032 --> 01:06:11,199
So no regrets, huh?
1516
01:06:11,201 --> 01:06:13,702
Well, I was just
1517
01:06:13,704 --> 01:06:17,839
two credits shy of getting
my degree in marine biology
when everything happened.
1518
01:06:17,841 --> 01:06:20,909
Okay, I get it.
That's why you're
scuba diving every day.
1519
01:06:20,911 --> 01:06:23,478
Yeah, yeah, I've actually
been doing it with
some of the people
1520
01:06:23,480 --> 01:06:24,913
from the marine
institute here and...
1521
01:06:24,915 --> 01:06:27,349
They said if I wanted to stay
to work on a fellowship
1522
01:06:27,351 --> 01:06:29,150
and finish my degree, I could.
1523
01:06:29,719 --> 01:06:30,785
That's awesome.
1524
01:06:31,887 --> 01:06:33,188
Is it?
1525
01:06:33,190 --> 01:06:33,188
I don't know.
1526
01:06:33,190 --> 01:06:36,558
I mean, I wouldn't do it
'cause I'm scared shitless
of the ocean...
1527
01:06:36,560 --> 01:06:38,026
--But it's cool for you.
1528
01:06:38,028 --> 01:06:38,026
It's scary
1529
01:06:38,028 --> 01:06:42,130
actually, possibly becoming
the person you've always
wanted to be.
1530
01:06:43,632 --> 01:06:46,234
I'm not big on plans.
1531
01:06:46,236 --> 01:06:48,470
Well I think if you
have a chance,
1532
01:06:48,472 --> 01:06:49,537
you should go for it.
1533
01:06:53,376 --> 01:06:54,442
Okay.
1534
01:06:56,679 --> 01:06:57,746
Okay what?
1535
01:06:58,748 --> 01:06:59,814
Okay, I'll do it.
1536
01:07:02,351 --> 01:07:04,052
-Yeah.
-That's it?
1537
01:07:04,054 --> 01:07:07,422
You're just gonna make
a huge life-altering decision
just like that?
1538
01:07:07,424 --> 01:07:09,357
How else do you make one?
1539
01:07:10,326 --> 01:07:14,062
You just changed
my entire life.
1540
01:07:14,064 --> 01:07:15,697
Hold on. Slow down.
1541
01:07:15,699 --> 01:07:18,733
I think maybe you should
think about it. I can't handle
that responsibility.
1542
01:07:18,735 --> 01:07:20,602
- It's stressing me out.
1543
01:07:25,074 --> 01:07:27,308
Today was a good day.
1544
01:07:27,310 --> 01:07:28,977
You didn't even have
to use your ak.
1545
01:07:36,919 --> 01:07:39,187
Hmm. That feels so good.
1546
01:07:40,489 --> 01:07:42,323
Yeah.
1547
01:07:42,325 --> 01:07:44,592
Yeah, you're so good
with your hands.
1548
01:07:44,594 --> 01:07:46,895
Thanks, it's called
the curious cat.
1549
01:07:46,897 --> 01:07:48,430
Hmm.
1550
01:07:48,432 --> 01:07:50,799
You want the ocean breeze
package now?
1551
01:07:50,801 --> 01:07:52,267
Ooh, yes, please!
1552
01:07:52,269 --> 01:07:53,568
-Coming right up.
-Hmm.
1553
01:07:58,641 --> 01:08:00,408
Just like you're at
the ocean, right?
1554
01:08:00,410 --> 01:08:02,944
Maybe if the ocean ate a giant
fucking bowl of nachos.
1555
01:08:02,946 --> 01:08:04,546
Jesus Christ, what'd you eat?
1556
01:08:05,981 --> 01:08:07,148
A giant bowl of nachos.
1557
01:08:07,883 --> 01:08:09,017
We'll stay down here.
1558
01:08:09,885 --> 01:08:12,454
--Hey, come on in.
1559
01:08:12,456 --> 01:08:15,190
-Doing this.
-Yeah, doing this.
1560
01:08:15,192 --> 01:08:16,925
-Just, uh...
-Ah!
1561
01:08:16,927 --> 01:08:16,925
Whoa.
1562
01:08:16,927 --> 01:08:20,161
-You all right?
-Sorry, I didn't know
you were starting.
1563
01:08:20,163 --> 01:08:21,529
Seem a little tense?
1564
01:08:21,531 --> 01:08:22,831
A little tense.
1565
01:08:22,833 --> 01:08:24,432
Yeah, uh, I haven't
1566
01:08:24,434 --> 01:08:26,634
been back here
since my husband passed away
1567
01:08:26,636 --> 01:08:28,536
tragically.
1568
01:08:28,538 --> 01:08:31,306
You're husband passed away
in rancho para?
1569
01:08:31,308 --> 01:08:34,242
Um, yeah, he was
1570
01:08:34,244 --> 01:08:35,944
Vincent's accountant
for many years,
1571
01:08:35,946 --> 01:08:38,012
and then he died in a very
tragic accident.
1572
01:08:38,881 --> 01:08:39,948
What happened?
1573
01:08:40,349 --> 01:08:41,649
Well, he
1574
01:08:41,651 --> 01:08:44,085
accidentally shot himself
in the face
1575
01:08:44,087 --> 01:08:46,254
and then he fell into
a car trunk
1576
01:08:46,256 --> 01:08:48,723
and it landed in the bottom
of the ocean, so...
1577
01:08:48,725 --> 01:08:50,425
It was a lot.
1578
01:08:50,427 --> 01:08:52,127
It was like Murphy's law.
1579
01:08:52,129 --> 01:08:53,394
Like,
what else could go wrong?
1580
01:08:53,396 --> 01:08:54,996
Yeah...
1581
01:08:54,998 --> 01:08:56,931
I trust the trip
was enjoyable?
1582
01:08:56,933 --> 01:08:58,833
Can we get you anything?
1583
01:08:58,835 --> 01:09:00,502
Hors d'oeuvres,
drinks, something?
1584
01:09:03,706 --> 01:09:05,273
If it's all the same to you,
1585
01:09:05,275 --> 01:09:07,208
let us dispense with the
1586
01:09:07,210 --> 01:09:09,010
-pleasantries.
-Right.
1587
01:09:09,012 --> 01:09:10,945
Straight to business.
No bullshit.
1588
01:09:10,947 --> 01:09:12,147
A man after my own heart.
1589
01:09:14,617 --> 01:09:15,984
I love cash.
1590
01:09:15,986 --> 01:09:18,353
It's always the right size
and the right color.
1591
01:09:18,355 --> 01:09:19,821
You're just so talented.
1592
01:09:19,823 --> 01:09:21,156
Do you ever turn it off?
1593
01:09:22,625 --> 01:09:24,058
I don't know how.
1594
01:09:26,763 --> 01:09:29,297
Careful,
my husband's upstairs.
1595
01:09:29,299 --> 01:09:30,465
Yeah, what's up with that guy?
1596
01:09:31,734 --> 01:09:32,901
Well, you know...
1597
01:09:32,903 --> 01:09:34,569
It's funny you should ask.
1598
01:09:34,571 --> 01:09:37,505
He and I have sort of
1599
01:09:37,507 --> 01:09:38,806
an agreement.
1600
01:09:38,808 --> 01:09:40,408
Like?
1601
01:09:40,410 --> 01:09:42,977
You both agree
Shawshank redemption
is a great move?
1602
01:09:42,979 --> 01:09:44,045
Uh-uh.
1603
01:09:45,381 --> 01:09:48,316
That is a different agreement!
Yeah, no, I like...
1604
01:09:48,318 --> 01:09:50,752
I like this
agreement more.
1605
01:09:50,754 --> 01:09:52,353
Wow...
1606
01:09:52,355 --> 01:09:54,355
It's actually, like,
totally average.
1607
01:09:54,357 --> 01:09:55,490
Thank you.
1608
01:09:55,492 --> 01:09:57,058
What does Vincent do exactly?
1609
01:09:57,060 --> 01:09:59,160
Oh, he's a man
of many pursuits.
1610
01:09:59,162 --> 01:10:00,228
Um...
1611
01:10:00,230 --> 01:10:02,830
He has an import-export
business of some sort.
1612
01:10:02,832 --> 01:10:04,766
He owns many
abandoned warehouses.
1613
01:10:04,768 --> 01:10:06,167
He has a limo company.
1614
01:10:06,169 --> 01:10:09,237
Strip club.
The limo takes people
to the strip club.
1615
01:10:09,239 --> 01:10:11,806
He has an exotic animal farm
with a lot of lizards.
1616
01:10:11,808 --> 01:10:14,876
He also has very hungry pigs.
1617
01:10:14,878 --> 01:10:16,811
You're going to like
our product.
1618
01:10:16,813 --> 01:10:18,513
It's, uh, primo shit.
1619
01:10:22,952 --> 01:10:25,887
Okay, well, why don't
you lay down, I just gotta
1620
01:10:25,889 --> 01:10:27,355
take care of some things.
1621
01:10:27,357 --> 01:10:28,790
That sounds
like Vincent.
1622
01:10:30,293 --> 01:10:32,360
-That's a good impression.
-Just give me one minute...
1623
01:10:32,362 --> 01:10:35,330
-Sure.
-And I'll be right back.
1624
01:10:36,999 --> 01:10:38,833
Bowie?
1625
01:10:38,835 --> 01:10:40,134
--Bowie?
1626
01:10:40,136 --> 01:10:41,703
Okay, remember that agreement.
1627
01:10:41,705 --> 01:10:43,371
-Okay.
-Keep that up here.
1628
01:10:43,373 --> 01:10:44,439
-Okay.
-I'll be right back.
1629
01:10:50,513 --> 01:10:52,747
Bowie, come out here.
1630
01:10:52,749 --> 01:10:55,350
Can I talk to you for
one minute please?
Thank you.
1631
01:10:55,352 --> 01:10:57,552
What are you doing?
I'm getting to know Angela
1632
01:10:57,554 --> 01:10:59,454
and I'm this close
to a fucking two for
Tuesday right now.
1633
01:10:59,456 --> 01:11:01,656
That's a bad idea.
Do you know who
her husband is?
1634
01:11:01,658 --> 01:11:04,459
Yeah, he's the nicest man
I've ever heard of. They have
a beautiful agreement.
1635
01:11:04,461 --> 01:11:05,994
Yeah, I'm sure they do.
1636
01:11:05,996 --> 01:11:08,496
I bet he made her an offer
she couldn't refuse.
1637
01:11:08,498 --> 01:11:09,897
What are you talking about?
1638
01:11:09,899 --> 01:11:11,766
When she said this
is her family's yacht,
1639
01:11:11,768 --> 01:11:13,668
she didn't mean her family.
1640
01:11:13,670 --> 01:11:15,603
She meant the family!
1641
01:11:16,338 --> 01:11:17,639
Like the Kardashians?
1642
01:11:17,641 --> 01:11:19,807
No! The fucking mafia!
1643
01:11:19,809 --> 01:11:21,776
We need to get the hell
out of here.
1644
01:11:21,778 --> 01:11:23,678
Okay, we just need
seven minutes.
1645
01:11:23,680 --> 01:11:24,846
Now!
1646
01:11:24,848 --> 01:11:26,948
I can do it
in two and a half.
1647
01:11:36,692 --> 01:11:38,993
--Excuse me?
1648
01:11:40,029 --> 01:11:41,296
No, no, no, hold on.
1649
01:11:41,298 --> 01:11:43,464
Let me pull up
my translation app.
1650
01:11:43,466 --> 01:11:44,832
- It's some kind of mistake...
1651
01:11:44,834 --> 01:11:46,801
-Can you say that again?
-How dare you disrespect me!
1652
01:11:46,803 --> 01:11:47,969
We'll get this
straightened out.
1653
01:11:53,443 --> 01:11:54,842
Bang, bang, bang.
1654
01:11:54,844 --> 01:11:55,910
Nope, you're right, let's go.
1655
01:11:58,047 --> 01:11:59,781
Holy shit!
1656
01:12:03,285 --> 01:12:04,952
This shouldn't
have been that easy.
1657
01:12:06,322 --> 01:12:08,856
I mean these are
Japanese triads
for Christ's sake.
1658
01:12:10,392 --> 01:12:11,626
I mean these guys
1659
01:12:11,628 --> 01:12:14,529
are lethal killing machines.
You ever watched the movies?
1660
01:12:14,531 --> 01:12:16,831
They, they use knives
and swords and shit.
1661
01:12:16,833 --> 01:12:20,802
I mean one guy can take out
an entire squad.
1662
01:12:20,804 --> 01:12:22,570
But here, it was like...
1663
01:12:22,572 --> 01:12:25,406
Bang, bang, bang,
they're dead.
1664
01:12:25,408 --> 01:12:28,409
I mean, Craig, you didn't
even put down your tray.
1665
01:12:29,111 --> 01:12:30,478
I'm proud of you.
1666
01:12:30,480 --> 01:12:31,646
Hey, moron!
1667
01:12:32,147 --> 01:12:33,214
Get up here.
1668
01:12:33,716 --> 01:12:34,782
Yeah, boss man.
1669
01:12:36,085 --> 01:12:37,151
What the fuck is this?
1670
01:12:37,786 --> 01:12:38,953
Uh...
1671
01:12:38,955 --> 01:12:41,089
It's a suitcase
full of clothes.
1672
01:12:42,958 --> 01:12:44,659
And, um...
1673
01:12:44,661 --> 01:12:46,060
A bunch of dead
1674
01:12:46,062 --> 01:12:47,462
Koreans or...
1675
01:12:47,464 --> 01:12:48,830
Hawaiians maybe?
1676
01:12:48,832 --> 01:12:50,631
Ooh, mini hot-dogs!
1677
01:12:51,133 --> 01:12:52,800
Okay. Hmm...
1678
01:12:53,502 --> 01:12:55,136
-You had one job.
-Mmm-hmm.
1679
01:12:55,138 --> 01:12:56,871
One fucking job!
1680
01:12:56,873 --> 01:12:58,539
To go to the airport,
1681
01:12:58,541 --> 01:13:00,775
pick up a suitcase for me,
1682
01:13:00,777 --> 01:13:01,943
and bring it back here.
1683
01:13:02,945 --> 01:13:04,579
This is not my suitcase.
1684
01:13:05,280 --> 01:13:07,515
Where is my fucking suitcase?
1685
01:13:07,517 --> 01:13:08,983
Oh, right.
1686
01:13:08,985 --> 01:13:11,819
Funny story, I gave a lift
to these guys as a favor
1687
01:13:11,821 --> 01:13:14,522
of a buddy of mine
who scored me
really great weed
1688
01:13:14,524 --> 01:13:16,958
and concert tickets,
if you guys need some.
1689
01:13:16,960 --> 01:13:16,958
Anyways, uh...
1690
01:13:16,960 --> 01:13:21,963
I went and had to get their
luggage as well, I might have
switched their bag
1691
01:13:21,965 --> 01:13:23,030
with your bag.
1692
01:13:23,032 --> 01:13:24,098
Honest mistake.
1693
01:13:24,100 --> 01:13:24,098
You know, my fault, but
1694
01:13:24,100 --> 01:13:28,069
they're staying here on
the island so it should be
easy just to get
1695
01:13:28,071 --> 01:13:29,704
the bag back.
No harm, no foul.
1696
01:13:36,044 --> 01:13:39,580
Randy, if you weren't
my mother's favorite nephew,
i swear to Christ you'd be
1697
01:13:39,582 --> 01:13:40,648
dead like them!
1698
01:13:42,585 --> 01:13:44,152
Thanks, cuz! I love you too.
1699
01:13:50,025 --> 01:13:52,427
Okay, boys, get me
Harry fluder.
1700
01:13:52,429 --> 01:13:54,462
F-l-u-d-e-r.
1701
01:13:55,164 --> 01:13:56,364
Flounder? Fluder?
1702
01:13:57,399 --> 01:13:58,466
Just find him.
1703
01:14:00,669 --> 01:14:02,570
-Tell me you didn't
fuck his wife.
-I didn't fuck his wife.
1704
01:14:02,572 --> 01:14:03,738
Promise me you didn't
fuck his wife.
1705
01:14:03,740 --> 01:14:05,473
I promise.
1706
01:14:05,475 --> 01:14:07,341
-I might of touched a boob.
-What?
1707
01:14:08,811 --> 01:14:12,146
We have two minutes to
keyser soze
the fuck out of here.
1708
01:14:12,148 --> 01:14:13,915
Okay, well, what are we gonna
do about your drugs?
1709
01:14:13,917 --> 01:14:15,383
They're not my drugs!
1710
01:14:15,385 --> 01:14:16,451
We're gonna get rid of them.
1711
01:14:16,453 --> 01:14:18,119
It's not exactly a carry-on.
1712
01:14:18,121 --> 01:14:19,187
Goddamn it.
1713
01:14:21,691 --> 01:14:23,925
-What can I do?
-I don't know.
Get a plunger or something.
1714
01:14:23,927 --> 01:14:25,026
-Something...
-Okay, all right.
1715
01:14:25,028 --> 01:14:26,093
Maybe a hanger?
1716
01:14:28,797 --> 01:14:30,264
This is what I got.
1717
01:14:30,266 --> 01:14:31,732
We can't fuck the drugs away.
1718
01:14:31,734 --> 01:14:33,067
It's all I have
right now, man.
1719
01:14:38,341 --> 01:14:39,407
Let me try. Let me try.
1720
01:14:50,220 --> 01:14:51,752
I'm gonna fucking kill you.
1721
01:14:51,754 --> 01:14:54,555
-Fuck man.
-Is everything
a fucking joke to you?
1722
01:14:54,557 --> 01:14:56,958
Can you even comprehend
the situation that we're in
right now?
1723
01:14:56,960 --> 01:14:59,227
Oh, now is when
i bet you tell
me that this is all my fault.
1724
01:14:59,229 --> 01:15:01,095
Yes! Of course
this is your fault!
1725
01:15:01,097 --> 01:15:03,297
Who else's fault could it be?
1726
01:15:03,299 --> 01:15:04,398
News flash.
1727
01:15:04,400 --> 01:15:05,666
You're not Ferris Bueller.
1728
01:15:05,668 --> 01:15:07,068
You're just a fucking asshole.
1729
01:15:07,070 --> 01:15:07,068
Oh, fuck you, man.
1730
01:15:07,070 --> 01:15:11,072
Now is when it comes out?
I spend my whole life
looking after you.
1731
01:15:11,074 --> 01:15:13,474
Fucking showing you the time
of your life and this is
the thanks I get?
1732
01:15:13,476 --> 01:15:15,176
Oh, oh, sorry did
you want me to thank you?
1733
01:15:15,178 --> 01:15:17,011
-Yes.
-Okay, I'm sorry, thank you.
1734
01:15:17,013 --> 01:15:20,448
Thank you for turning my life
into a complete and utter
1735
01:15:20,450 --> 01:15:22,450
fuck-a-palooza.
1736
01:15:22,452 --> 01:15:25,286
None of this was about
showing me the time
of my life.
1737
01:15:25,288 --> 01:15:26,954
This is about you not having
to live yours.
1738
01:15:27,789 --> 01:15:29,190
See, you don't want me
to grow up
1739
01:15:29,192 --> 01:15:30,258
because you're afraid
1740
01:15:30,260 --> 01:15:31,659
that I'll leave you behind.
1741
01:15:31,661 --> 01:15:34,128
That's why you're always
pulling some epically
stupid shit.
1742
01:15:36,031 --> 01:15:37,798
Well, I'm tired of you
always dragging me down.
1743
01:15:39,535 --> 01:15:40,601
That's what you really think?
1744
01:15:41,937 --> 01:15:43,004
Yeah.
1745
01:15:45,607 --> 01:15:46,674
Fuck you.
1746
01:15:47,776 --> 01:15:49,710
You're not my
best friend anymore.
1747
01:15:49,712 --> 01:15:51,212
You're not my best friend
anymore either.
1748
01:15:55,984 --> 01:15:57,518
We really gotta start
locking this door.
1749
01:16:04,293 --> 01:16:05,426
Hiya, boys.
1750
01:16:06,495 --> 01:16:07,895
Long time no see!
1751
01:16:08,897 --> 01:16:10,398
All right, so, uh...
1752
01:16:10,400 --> 01:16:11,566
Let's cut right to the chase.
1753
01:16:14,136 --> 01:16:15,202
You know me.
1754
01:16:16,238 --> 01:16:17,905
And I
1755
01:16:17,907 --> 01:16:19,106
know you who you are.
1756
01:16:19,875 --> 01:16:23,945
Harry fluder,
5220 Archer road.
1757
01:16:23,947 --> 01:16:25,012
And...
1758
01:16:28,417 --> 01:16:30,518
Beauregard Pemberton.
1759
01:16:30,520 --> 01:16:31,919
Beauregard.
1760
01:16:31,921 --> 01:16:33,154
The fourth?
1761
01:16:34,890 --> 01:16:36,958
There are four of you!
1762
01:16:37,859 --> 01:16:39,360
Yeah, uh...
1763
01:16:39,362 --> 01:16:40,895
302 southwest east,
third street.
1764
01:16:41,730 --> 01:16:43,965
-Ah, bingo.
-Ah.
1765
01:16:43,967 --> 01:16:47,802
So I want to apologize for any
discomfort my guys
may have caused you.
1766
01:16:48,570 --> 01:16:50,938
Um, can I get you anything?
1767
01:16:51,473 --> 01:16:53,074
Uh, we're fine.
1768
01:16:53,076 --> 01:16:54,241
Actually, uh,
1769
01:16:54,243 --> 01:16:55,309
I'd love a sparkling water.
1770
01:16:55,311 --> 01:16:56,377
Sure.
1771
01:16:56,379 --> 01:16:57,945
Get him a sparkling water.
1772
01:16:57,947 --> 01:16:59,747
Oh, ah, with a lemon wedge?
1773
01:16:59,749 --> 01:17:00,815
Lemon wedge coming up.
1774
01:17:03,318 --> 01:17:04,685
I mean, he's asking.
1775
01:17:04,687 --> 01:17:05,786
So...
1776
01:17:05,788 --> 01:17:07,521
You didn't just bring us here
to kills us?
1777
01:17:07,523 --> 01:17:09,624
No, why would I do that?
1778
01:17:09,626 --> 01:17:12,193
I don't know.
'Cause, like, we could
go to the cops.
1779
01:17:12,195 --> 01:17:14,562
I have a cousin
who works in the FBI.
I can tell him about...
1780
01:17:14,564 --> 01:17:15,663
Are you actively trying
to get us shot?
1781
01:17:15,665 --> 01:17:17,965
No, you're not those
kind of guys.
1782
01:17:17,967 --> 01:17:20,801
- No, we are not
those type of guys.
No.
1783
01:17:20,803 --> 01:17:22,103
Your cousin's
a security guard.
1784
01:17:22,105 --> 01:17:23,604
Yeah, but at the FBI.
1785
01:17:25,007 --> 01:17:26,073
How is it?
1786
01:17:27,909 --> 01:17:29,110
It's a little warm.
1787
01:17:29,112 --> 01:17:30,411
Can I get some ice?
1788
01:17:30,413 --> 01:17:31,479
Sure.
1789
01:17:32,681 --> 01:17:34,148
What the fuck?
1790
01:17:35,217 --> 01:17:37,318
-You didn't even make it in.
-We're done here.
1791
01:17:39,087 --> 01:17:40,154
Make sure you stay
out of trouble.
1792
01:17:41,690 --> 01:17:43,157
So, that's it?
1793
01:17:43,159 --> 01:17:45,059
You're just gonna...
1794
01:17:45,061 --> 01:17:46,127
Forget about it?
1795
01:17:49,532 --> 01:17:50,965
There is one thing.
1796
01:17:50,967 --> 01:17:54,735
Uh, you guys got
ahold of a suitcase
that belonged to me.
1797
01:17:54,737 --> 01:17:55,803
That suitcase.
1798
01:17:57,105 --> 01:17:59,306
Which was filled with drugs.
1799
01:17:59,308 --> 01:18:01,008
Now, not so much.
1800
01:18:01,010 --> 01:18:02,276
There's still a lot of drugs
in there, though.
1801
01:18:02,811 --> 01:18:04,245
You owe me money.
1802
01:18:04,247 --> 01:18:05,813
Secondly,
1803
01:18:05,815 --> 01:18:06,881
you've seen my face.
1804
01:18:07,816 --> 01:18:09,083
I've admitted
1805
01:18:09,085 --> 01:18:11,285
that those drugs belong to me.
1806
01:18:11,287 --> 01:18:13,821
Now, there are only
two types of people
1807
01:18:13,823 --> 01:18:15,456
that can see this
kind of stuff.
1808
01:18:15,757 --> 01:18:17,191
A,
1809
01:18:17,193 --> 01:18:19,260
people that work for me and,
1810
01:18:19,262 --> 01:18:20,561
b...
1811
01:18:22,664 --> 01:18:25,232
- Oh!
1812
01:18:27,302 --> 01:18:29,603
You just cut them up
and carry them around
in a bag?
1813
01:18:29,605 --> 01:18:32,973
Yeah, I thought step two
of murder was get
rid of the body!
1814
01:18:32,975 --> 01:18:35,710
I'm senior staff,
i don't do the cutting.
1815
01:18:35,712 --> 01:18:38,145
Plus, I was trying
to make a point.
1816
01:18:38,147 --> 01:18:40,848
Point taken,
you fucking psycho. Relax.
1817
01:18:40,850 --> 01:18:42,383
Okay, now listen.
1818
01:18:42,385 --> 01:18:42,383
I've got good news.
1819
01:18:42,385 --> 01:18:47,988
There seems to be
an immediate opening in
my organization available.
1820
01:18:47,990 --> 01:18:50,591
If you work for me
and do one job,
1821
01:18:50,593 --> 01:18:51,659
you won't owe me any money.
1822
01:18:52,928 --> 01:18:54,395
Or b...
1823
01:18:54,397 --> 01:18:56,197
You can, you know...
1824
01:18:56,199 --> 01:18:57,264
I have an empty bag.
1825
01:19:00,068 --> 01:19:01,569
Could you just give us
1826
01:19:01,571 --> 01:19:03,637
one minute to discuss this
between ourselves?
1827
01:19:03,639 --> 01:19:03,637
Sure, take your time.
1828
01:19:06,408 --> 01:19:08,743
Okay, could everybody turn
around and cover their ears?
1829
01:19:09,444 --> 01:19:10,511
No, that's not gonna happen.
1830
01:19:12,714 --> 01:19:15,149
-Okay, we'll just whisper.
-Okay.
1831
01:19:15,151 --> 01:19:17,685
I don't think this is
the kind of guy we want
to be indebted too.
1832
01:19:17,687 --> 01:19:19,620
Yeah, but I don't think
we really have a choice.
Look at him.
1833
01:19:19,622 --> 01:19:21,722
All white.
What is it easter right now?
1834
01:19:21,724 --> 01:19:22,923
He's fucking crazy.
1835
01:19:22,925 --> 01:19:24,759
-Haven't you seen
the godfather?
-Yeah.
1836
01:19:24,761 --> 01:19:27,762
There may be a day,
where I come in and
ask you for a favor.
1837
01:19:27,764 --> 01:19:30,397
Oh, my god, Harry,
that impression was
fucking spot on.
1838
01:19:30,399 --> 01:19:31,866
I've been sitting on that one
for a while.
1839
01:19:31,868 --> 01:19:33,901
-I thought it was appropriate.
-It was totally appropriate.
1840
01:19:33,903 --> 01:19:35,903
You've been crushing this
whole vacation with
these impressions.
1841
01:19:35,905 --> 01:19:37,037
I didn't know you
had it in you.
1842
01:19:37,039 --> 01:19:38,839
-Thanks man.
-I still fucking
hate you though.
1843
01:19:38,841 --> 01:19:39,940
I still fucking hate you too.
1844
01:19:39,942 --> 01:19:41,242
There's no way this guy
really trusts us,
1845
01:19:41,244 --> 01:19:42,877
so he's not gonna give
us a big job.
1846
01:19:42,879 --> 01:19:45,713
I bet it's some, like,
victimless mundane crime.
I'm positive.
1847
01:19:45,715 --> 01:19:47,548
Okay, we talked about it.
We're gonna do it.
1848
01:19:47,550 --> 01:19:48,949
- What... what, no!
- Excellent.
1849
01:19:48,951 --> 01:19:50,084
- Great.
1850
01:19:50,552 --> 01:19:51,619
Good choice.
1851
01:19:52,187 --> 01:19:54,188
I need you to, uh,
1852
01:19:54,190 --> 01:19:56,290
take care of somebody for me.
1853
01:19:56,292 --> 01:19:59,059
Uh, you know,
not my wife, just...
1854
01:19:59,061 --> 01:20:00,127
That one.
1855
01:20:01,663 --> 01:20:02,797
What did she do?
1856
01:20:02,799 --> 01:20:04,598
Nothing really...
1857
01:20:04,600 --> 01:20:07,635
I mean, accidentally,
she saw something
she shouldn't have.
1858
01:20:07,637 --> 01:20:09,937
I've been agonizing
over this, really.
1859
01:20:09,939 --> 01:20:13,741
But, uh, I can't very well ask
her to whack herself, right?
1860
01:20:13,743 --> 01:20:17,578
So, listen.
Vito and nickie are
gonna kinda tag along,
1861
01:20:17,580 --> 01:20:20,181
right, make sure
nothing goes wrong.
1862
01:20:20,183 --> 01:20:21,749
Then, you're free to go.
1863
01:20:22,751 --> 01:20:24,885
And thanks, fellas.
1864
01:20:24,887 --> 01:20:27,188
You're really taking
a load off my mind.
1865
01:20:30,292 --> 01:20:31,792
Yeah, thanks for the water.
1866
01:20:31,794 --> 01:20:33,460
Jk, it fucking sucks.
1867
01:20:35,597 --> 01:20:37,832
Honestly, that could
have gone way worse.
1868
01:20:37,834 --> 01:20:39,200
What are
you talking about?
1869
01:20:39,202 --> 01:20:41,569
Dude, we just had a meeting
with Vincent gambazzo
1870
01:20:41,571 --> 01:20:43,871
in an abandoned warehouse
and he let us go.
1871
01:20:43,873 --> 01:20:46,307
-Yeah, to kill Colette.
-We're not gonna
have to kill Colette.
1872
01:20:46,309 --> 01:20:47,842
We're just gotta get in
a couple of good
1873
01:20:47,844 --> 01:20:48,909
punches!
1874
01:20:51,179 --> 01:20:52,680
Huh. Fuck!
1875
01:20:54,282 --> 01:20:56,116
We're gonna
have to kill Colette.
1876
01:21:08,697 --> 01:21:10,130
Hey, hun.
1877
01:21:11,600 --> 01:21:13,434
Just finished my sudoku game.
1878
01:21:13,436 --> 01:21:16,737
And I think I just figured
out the secret
to cold fusion.
1879
01:21:17,772 --> 01:21:19,406
Oh yeah?
1880
01:21:19,408 --> 01:21:22,076
I know, the patent alone
could be worth billions.
1881
01:21:22,078 --> 01:21:24,111
Anyway, I was thinking
maybe we could
watch the sunset,
1882
01:21:26,081 --> 01:21:28,816
and then,
practice the last half
of the kama-sutra.
1883
01:21:29,751 --> 01:21:31,285
That sounds great.
1884
01:21:45,800 --> 01:21:47,368
All right, I was
wrong, man.
1885
01:21:47,936 --> 01:21:49,737
This is bad.
1886
01:21:49,739 --> 01:21:51,472
This is real fucking bad.
1887
01:21:55,343 --> 01:21:56,977
How are we supposed
to go through with this?
1888
01:21:56,979 --> 01:21:58,812
Yeah, man.
How many people
have you killed?
1889
01:21:58,814 --> 01:22:01,916
None.
But my gun has
killed a bunch. Allegedly.
1890
01:22:03,019 --> 01:22:04,351
How are we even
supposed to find her?
1891
01:22:04,353 --> 01:22:06,186
Don't worry,
she'll turn up.
1892
01:22:07,355 --> 01:22:08,689
Hey, guys.
1893
01:22:09,057 --> 01:22:10,257
Kenny!
1894
01:22:10,259 --> 01:22:11,825
Kenny!
1895
01:22:11,827 --> 01:22:13,861
Kenny! Kenny's here.
1896
01:22:13,863 --> 01:22:15,529
-Hi, hi. Hi.
-Kenny!
1897
01:22:15,531 --> 01:22:16,597
Okay.
1898
01:22:16,599 --> 01:22:18,666
Uh, anyway, I'm having
a party at the house.
1899
01:22:18,668 --> 01:22:20,267
You know how those are,
ragers, wouldn't want
1900
01:22:20,269 --> 01:22:22,569
the belles of the ball
to miss it.
1901
01:22:22,571 --> 01:22:25,105
Who are your friends?
Look at these guys,
look at them. Matching set.
1902
01:22:25,107 --> 01:22:26,340
Big and tall.
1903
01:22:26,342 --> 01:22:28,275
Strong, silent type. Okay.
1904
01:22:28,277 --> 01:22:30,377
-All right, I get it.
You're digging in.
-Yeah, yeah, okay.
1905
01:22:30,379 --> 01:22:32,613
Playing hard to get, huh,
mount Olympus?
1906
01:22:32,615 --> 01:22:34,281
Can't wait to climb you.
1907
01:22:34,283 --> 01:22:35,683
Both!
1908
01:22:36,986 --> 01:22:38,519
Gotta hose you off.
1909
01:22:38,521 --> 01:22:40,621
Let's save that
for when the sun goes
down, at least.
1910
01:22:40,623 --> 01:22:40,621
-Come one.
-I have a big appetite.
1911
01:22:40,623 --> 01:22:43,290
I know, I'm
stuffed though, we got to
get out of here.
1912
01:22:45,994 --> 01:22:47,127
All right.
1913
01:22:47,963 --> 01:22:49,530
I'll kill her.
I'm gonna do it.
1914
01:22:49,532 --> 01:22:50,631
What are you talking about?
1915
01:22:50,633 --> 01:22:52,132
I need a beer if I'm gonna
murder someone.
1916
01:22:52,134 --> 01:22:53,534
Is that all right?
1917
01:22:53,536 --> 01:22:55,502
-Okay.
-What do you want? What type
of beer do you guys like?
1918
01:22:55,504 --> 01:22:55,502
Just water.
1919
01:22:55,504 --> 01:23:00,007
Just water? I thought you guys
were murderers,
don't be pussies.
1920
01:23:02,077 --> 01:23:04,011
Here you go.
Water for the gentlemen.
1921
01:23:04,013 --> 01:23:06,213
Important to stay hydrated.
1922
01:23:10,752 --> 01:23:12,219
We can't kill her.
1923
01:23:12,221 --> 01:23:15,022
What are we supposed to do?
Just wait and see
if she shows up?
1924
01:23:15,024 --> 01:23:16,156
If she shows up.
1925
01:23:16,158 --> 01:23:17,391
I don't know, Harry.
I just don't fucking know
1926
01:23:17,393 --> 01:23:18,892
what I'm doing.
Just going with it right now.
1927
01:23:19,427 --> 01:23:20,494
Hi.
1928
01:23:20,862 --> 01:23:22,329
Oh, shit.
1929
01:23:22,331 --> 01:23:24,965
Um, I was just going to go
for a dive, you know,
clear my head.
1930
01:23:24,967 --> 01:23:26,033
Look for the kraken.
1931
01:23:27,702 --> 01:23:30,104
Sorry. Change of plans.
1932
01:23:43,719 --> 01:23:45,219
You should zip up your suit.
1933
01:24:01,002 --> 01:24:04,438
Wow, you know,
i really like what you guys
have done with the place.
1934
01:24:04,440 --> 01:24:05,839
Do you guys summer here?
1935
01:24:05,841 --> 01:24:08,842
No, this is where we keep
the oars, propellers...
1936
01:24:08,844 --> 01:24:10,411
Dead bodies.
1937
01:24:11,479 --> 01:24:12,613
Go ahead.
1938
01:24:20,455 --> 01:24:21,688
No, no, no.
1939
01:24:21,690 --> 01:24:22,923
Sorry.
1940
01:24:28,563 --> 01:24:31,098
- What if I don't do it?
1941
01:24:31,100 --> 01:24:33,000
Then I shoot your friend.
1942
01:24:33,002 --> 01:24:34,768
What if I'm okay with that?
1943
01:24:34,770 --> 01:24:36,336
Listen, either you do it,
1944
01:24:36,338 --> 01:24:39,339
or we shoot you both
and use your hand
to shoot her.
1945
01:24:44,913 --> 01:24:46,980
Harry, wait,
there's time.
There's still time.
1946
01:24:46,982 --> 01:24:49,583
Hey guys,
let me tell you this
quick story about a young boy
1947
01:24:49,585 --> 01:24:51,385
and his unbridled love
of guns n' roses.
1948
01:24:51,387 --> 01:24:52,553
Would you like to hear that...
1949
01:24:52,555 --> 01:24:54,088
-Shut the fuck up!
-You shut the fuck up!
1950
01:24:54,090 --> 01:24:55,255
You know there are
bullets in that thing.
1951
01:24:55,257 --> 01:24:56,723
Shut the fuck up about this...
1952
01:24:56,725 --> 01:24:58,125
Wait! Wait!
1953
01:24:58,127 --> 01:24:59,393
Just hold on a second.
1954
01:24:59,395 --> 01:25:00,961
I gotta say something.
1955
01:25:01,463 --> 01:25:02,930
Bowie.
1956
01:25:02,932 --> 01:25:04,498
I didn't mean
what I said before.
1957
01:25:04,500 --> 01:25:06,567
You don't bring me down.
1958
01:25:06,569 --> 01:25:08,735
Some of the best times I ever
had have been with you, man.
1959
01:25:08,737 --> 01:25:09,837
Yeah?
1960
01:25:09,839 --> 01:25:10,971
You remember that time,
1961
01:25:10,973 --> 01:25:12,840
we waited outside
Fred durst's hotel
1962
01:25:12,842 --> 01:25:14,441
just so he could sign our
red Yankees caps.
1963
01:25:15,210 --> 01:25:16,977
He was
such a fucking dick to us.
1964
01:25:16,979 --> 01:25:18,712
Or the first time
we smoked grass.
1965
01:25:18,714 --> 01:25:19,947
It wasn't really weed.
1966
01:25:19,949 --> 01:25:21,782
It was actual grass
but we still pretended
1967
01:25:21,784 --> 01:25:23,183
that we were high
for three days.
1968
01:25:24,587 --> 01:25:26,954
Look, I don't care
what you do for a living.
1969
01:25:27,922 --> 01:25:29,590
You're my best friend.
1970
01:25:32,760 --> 01:25:34,261
You're not my best friend.
1971
01:25:35,397 --> 01:25:37,164
'Cause you're my brother, man.
1972
01:25:38,299 --> 01:25:39,766
I love you.
1973
01:25:41,936 --> 01:25:43,937
Are you crying?
1974
01:25:43,939 --> 01:25:45,906
If I am, it's
only 'cause of this gun.
1975
01:25:45,908 --> 01:25:47,307
Are you crying?
1976
01:25:50,778 --> 01:25:53,013
That's a beautiful friendship,
right there.
1977
01:25:54,215 --> 01:25:57,050
Okay, no. Look, I've had
enough of whatever this is.
1978
01:25:57,052 --> 01:25:58,585
-Time's up.
-Fuck you!
1979
01:26:01,789 --> 01:26:02,856
Fuck.
1980
01:26:15,603 --> 01:26:17,738
Damn it!
1981
01:26:18,706 --> 01:26:20,674
Okay, you guys are
free to go.
1982
01:26:20,676 --> 01:26:22,576
Yeah, it's a good job.
1983
01:26:49,070 --> 01:26:50,237
It's done, boss.
1984
01:26:50,805 --> 01:26:51,872
Good.
1985
01:26:52,540 --> 01:26:54,074
All right.
1986
01:26:54,076 --> 01:26:56,710
Look, get everybody back here.
We're leaving in about...
1987
01:26:57,579 --> 01:26:58,779
Two hours.
1988
01:26:59,914 --> 01:27:02,015
Yeah. Wait a minute. Um,
1989
01:27:03,451 --> 01:27:05,185
bring me back a sandwich.
1990
01:27:06,387 --> 01:27:08,021
I don't care.
Surprise me.
1991
01:27:08,690 --> 01:27:10,023
But no onions.
1992
01:27:15,897 --> 01:27:18,632
Where the hell is everybody?
1993
01:27:18,634 --> 01:27:22,202
Oh. Hey guys, let's go,
i want to get out of here.
1994
01:27:25,940 --> 01:27:27,174
Hey, daddy.
1995
01:27:27,976 --> 01:27:30,978
Oh, you want to arrest me?
1996
01:27:31,613 --> 01:27:32,679
Mmm-hmm.
1997
01:27:32,981 --> 01:27:34,982
Good.
1998
01:27:34,984 --> 01:27:38,619
- You have the right
to remain silent.
1999
01:27:38,621 --> 01:27:42,022
I've been wanting
to do this all week.
2000
01:27:42,024 --> 01:27:46,126
Anything you say can
be used against you
in a court of law.
2001
01:27:48,764 --> 01:27:50,764
Careful, honey.
I got a glass chin.
2002
01:27:51,165 --> 01:27:52,633
Ah!
2003
01:27:52,635 --> 01:27:55,002
You have the right
to an attorney.
2004
01:27:55,004 --> 01:27:58,572
Oh baby, the things
I'm gonna do to you.
2005
01:27:58,574 --> 01:28:01,308
Vincent Anthony gambazzo,
you are under arrest
2006
01:28:01,310 --> 01:28:03,277
for trafficking illegal
narcotics,
2007
01:28:03,279 --> 01:28:05,646
racketeering and
conspiracy to commit murder.
2008
01:28:06,147 --> 01:28:07,914
What? Ow! Hey!
2009
01:28:08,449 --> 01:28:10,450
Come here.
2010
01:28:10,452 --> 01:28:12,452
Put your hands
behind your head.
2011
01:28:12,454 --> 01:28:14,621
What the fuck is going on?
2012
01:28:15,423 --> 01:28:16,890
You've got nothing on me.
2013
01:28:16,892 --> 01:28:18,792
-What do you do it so tight?
-Put your hands
behind your back.
2014
01:28:18,794 --> 01:28:20,661
Does the name Colette weller
mean anything to you?
2015
01:28:21,095 --> 01:28:22,162
Um, no.
2016
01:28:22,164 --> 01:28:23,664
How about Harry fluder?
2017
01:28:23,666 --> 01:28:25,599
-Bowie Pemberton?
-Doesn't ring a bell.
2018
01:28:25,601 --> 01:28:26,667
Really?
2019
01:28:26,669 --> 01:28:28,802
'Cause that's
not what they have to say.
2020
01:28:31,639 --> 01:28:32,873
Never heard of us.
2021
01:28:32,875 --> 01:28:34,007
Really?
2022
01:28:34,009 --> 01:28:35,609
Beauregard, remember?
2023
01:28:35,611 --> 01:28:37,477
Lemon water, you thought
we were gay. Come on dude.
2024
01:28:38,246 --> 01:28:39,479
Oh, these guys?
2025
01:28:39,481 --> 01:28:40,947
No, I'm sorry, my bad.
2026
01:28:40,949 --> 01:28:42,182
I'm bad with names.
2027
01:28:42,184 --> 01:28:45,719
Yeah, I know these guys.
They've been
guests on my boat.
2028
01:28:45,721 --> 01:28:47,821
So, you're telling me
that I'm under arrest
2029
01:28:47,823 --> 01:28:50,190
for killing three people
that aren't dead?
2030
01:28:50,692 --> 01:28:51,758
Yes, I am.
2031
01:28:51,760 --> 01:28:53,193
You
should be indicted
2032
01:28:53,195 --> 01:28:56,263
for conspiring to be an idiot.
2033
01:28:56,265 --> 01:28:58,632
I need you to take care of somebody for me.
2034
01:28:58,634 --> 01:29:00,500
Um, you know, not my wife, just...
2035
01:29:01,369 --> 01:29:03,003
That one. And thanks, fellas.
2036
01:29:04,172 --> 01:29:06,873
You're really taking a load off my mind.
2037
01:29:06,875 --> 01:29:08,241
And that's
not even half of it.
2038
01:29:08,243 --> 01:29:09,710
And I've got it all here.
2039
01:29:09,712 --> 01:29:12,212
Enough to put your sad,
soft dick in prison.
2040
01:29:12,214 --> 01:29:13,980
Wait. How did you get
that recording?
2041
01:29:13,982 --> 01:29:17,017
Well, talk about blowjobs
anywhere near a guy's dick and
2042
01:29:17,019 --> 01:29:20,153
I could have tattooed a rainbow unicorn on you,
2043
01:29:20,155 --> 01:29:21,288
and you never would have noticed.
2044
01:29:21,290 --> 01:29:23,523
Just stop me,
it's a bad habit.
2045
01:29:23,525 --> 01:29:23,523
Oh, oh.
2046
01:29:23,525 --> 01:29:27,494
It's also the least thoroughly
searched area in a pat down.
2047
01:29:27,496 --> 01:29:29,229
All right, come
on guys. Let's go.
2048
01:29:30,064 --> 01:29:31,365
Hold on to me.
2049
01:29:31,367 --> 01:29:32,766
If I trip, I'll sue you.
2050
01:29:32,768 --> 01:29:35,369
Who gives a shit, these are
so fucking tight.
2051
01:29:35,371 --> 01:29:38,739
You know what? You're
all uninvited to my party
in the Hamptons, you hear me?
2052
01:29:38,741 --> 01:29:41,408
We also had
Vincent's phone tapped.
2053
01:29:41,410 --> 01:29:44,177
And we recorded this,
right after you guys left.
2054
01:29:44,179 --> 01:29:45,445
As soon as this two
2055
01:29:45,447 --> 01:29:47,414
fuck-sticks are done taking care of her,
2056
01:29:47,416 --> 01:29:49,783
I want you to take care of them.
2057
01:29:50,218 --> 01:29:51,585
No loose ends.
2058
01:29:52,420 --> 01:29:53,787
Whoa!
2059
01:29:53,789 --> 01:29:55,021
That's pretty cool.
2060
01:29:55,023 --> 01:29:56,556
They wanted to kill you.
2061
01:29:56,558 --> 01:29:58,792
Yeah, but you knew about
it so, it's all right.
2062
01:30:00,362 --> 01:30:01,928
The bug we had on you
only transmitted locally
2063
01:30:01,930 --> 01:30:03,730
so we had no idea
where they took you.
2064
01:30:03,732 --> 01:30:06,500
Our guys couldn't pick you up
until after you called
us from the mansion,
2065
01:30:06,502 --> 01:30:07,634
so, how did you get
out of there?
2066
01:30:08,136 --> 01:30:09,669
Oh, so,
2067
01:30:09,671 --> 01:30:11,638
you weren't really
that careful about it.
2068
01:30:11,640 --> 01:30:13,206
Could have got killed.
2069
01:30:13,208 --> 01:30:14,541
Okay, here is what happened.
2070
01:30:14,543 --> 01:30:15,809
All right,
2071
01:30:15,811 --> 01:30:19,946
I can never remember,
do we do this like
a burrito or a crepe?
2072
01:30:19,948 --> 01:30:21,515
What's the difference?
2073
01:30:21,517 --> 01:30:23,250
Well, burrito's folded
into a pocket
2074
01:30:23,252 --> 01:30:25,018
but stuff spills
out the bottom.
2075
01:30:25,020 --> 01:30:26,787
Whereas, a crepe,
you just fold over
2076
01:30:26,789 --> 01:30:28,889
and it spills out the top.
2077
01:30:28,891 --> 01:30:31,091
Why don't we just
roll her up
like a taquito, then?
2078
01:30:31,093 --> 01:30:33,527
No, see, you're thinking
of a blintz, I think.
2079
01:30:33,529 --> 01:30:34,961
Ah,
2080
01:30:34,963 --> 01:30:36,229
maybe, maybe we'll do, oh...
2081
01:30:36,231 --> 01:30:38,198
Oh... maybe we'll do it
like a hot...
2082
01:30:38,599 --> 01:30:39,666
Hot pocket.
2083
01:30:40,101 --> 01:30:41,201
Kick.
2084
01:30:41,203 --> 01:30:42,602
Hum...
2085
01:30:42,604 --> 01:30:44,571
How are you doing that
with your eyes?
2086
01:30:46,474 --> 01:30:48,942
How are you doing
that with your arm?
2087
01:30:50,311 --> 01:30:51,545
I'm not sure.
2088
01:30:52,046 --> 01:30:53,146
Ah.
2089
01:30:53,148 --> 01:30:54,214
Oh.
2090
01:30:55,249 --> 01:30:56,783
Is that a ninja
2091
01:30:56,785 --> 01:30:57,951
or a samurai?
2092
01:31:00,055 --> 01:31:02,689
Damn it! I would have had
a really cool one liner
2093
01:31:02,691 --> 01:31:04,057
about how badass
that just looked
2094
01:31:04,059 --> 01:31:05,692
if my brain wasn't so fucking
muddled with terror,
2095
01:31:05,694 --> 01:31:08,829
on account you just killed
Colette like a son of a bitch.
2096
01:31:08,831 --> 01:31:11,264
Aw! Did anyone oar-der
an ass whopping?
2097
01:31:11,266 --> 01:31:12,999
That would have
been perfect, damn it!
2098
01:31:13,001 --> 01:31:14,201
Sorry, it's
not important to what we're
2099
01:31:14,203 --> 01:31:15,469
talking about
right now, though.
2100
01:31:15,471 --> 01:31:15,469
Bowie!
2101
01:31:15,471 --> 01:31:18,672
Why the fuck did you do that?
I was trying to buy us time.
2102
01:31:18,674 --> 01:31:21,274
I drugged those two assholes,
we just needed
two more minutes.
2103
01:31:21,276 --> 01:31:23,109
-Bowie!
-No, don't bowie me, man.
2104
01:31:23,111 --> 01:31:23,109
We just made up
and now I'm going to have to
2105
01:31:23,111 --> 01:31:27,147
fucking testify against you
in court. They're going
to say, "who was it?"
2106
01:31:27,149 --> 01:31:29,182
And I'm not a liar.
So, I'm gonna have to
point at you
2107
01:31:29,184 --> 01:31:30,851
and I'm gonna have to say,
"it was fucking Harry."
2108
01:31:30,853 --> 01:31:32,152
Bowie!
2109
01:31:32,154 --> 01:31:33,320
Holy shit, Colette!
2110
01:31:33,821 --> 01:31:35,288
You okay?
2111
01:31:35,290 --> 01:31:36,623
Why are you not dead?
2112
01:31:36,625 --> 01:31:38,024
I mean, I'm really
glad you're not dead,
2113
01:31:38,026 --> 01:31:40,560
but why the fuck
are you not dead?
2114
01:31:40,562 --> 01:31:43,830
Fuck squid. They are
like the assholes
of the ocean.
2115
01:31:43,832 --> 01:31:47,167
That's why all the
deep-sea divers had to wear
those special wet suits
2116
01:31:47,169 --> 01:31:49,102
it had so much chainmail
on it, it was basically...
2117
01:31:50,338 --> 01:31:51,605
Bullet-proof.
2118
01:31:51,607 --> 01:31:52,706
You knew it!
2119
01:31:52,708 --> 01:31:54,174
So, you're
not just like a murderer.
2120
01:31:57,212 --> 01:31:58,345
You should zip up your suit.
2121
01:31:59,080 --> 01:32:00,180
Trust me.
2122
01:32:00,848 --> 01:32:01,982
Okay.
2123
01:32:11,025 --> 01:32:12,726
This is big, Harry.
2124
01:32:12,728 --> 01:32:14,227
I am fucking jacked up
right now.
2125
01:32:14,562 --> 01:32:15,795
You okay?
2126
01:32:15,797 --> 01:32:16,863
Yeah, yeah.
2127
01:32:17,265 --> 01:32:18,698
Good shot.
2128
01:32:18,700 --> 01:32:20,166
I was aiming for your leg.
2129
01:32:20,535 --> 01:32:21,735
Never mind.
2130
01:32:21,737 --> 01:32:21,735
This is great.
2131
01:32:21,737 --> 01:32:25,972
Isn't this great? Look around.
Look at what we did.
This is so great.
2132
01:32:25,974 --> 01:32:27,374
Where did you get the drugs?
2133
01:32:27,376 --> 01:32:28,441
Oh, dude.
2134
01:32:29,477 --> 01:32:30,544
It was Kenny.
2135
01:32:31,012 --> 01:32:32,178
Guys!
2136
01:32:32,180 --> 01:32:33,280
Kenny!
2137
01:32:33,282 --> 01:32:34,414
Kenny!
2138
01:32:34,416 --> 01:32:35,749
Kenny!
2139
01:32:35,751 --> 01:32:37,484
Good to see Kenny!
2140
01:32:37,486 --> 01:32:39,152
Kenny, we're in trouble,
do you have mints?
2141
01:32:39,154 --> 01:32:40,854
-Back pocket.
-Oh, Kenny!
2142
01:32:41,722 --> 01:32:43,890
-Hi, hi. Hi.
-Kenny!
2143
01:32:47,562 --> 01:32:49,629
Here. Water for the gentlemen.
2144
01:32:49,631 --> 01:32:50,931
Important to stay hydrated.
2145
01:32:51,766 --> 01:32:53,767
Ow, ow, gentle, gentle!
Oh, god.
2146
01:32:53,769 --> 01:32:55,969
I can't believe you
fucking did it, man.
2147
01:32:55,971 --> 01:32:58,271
Yeah, yeah, can
we just get out of here?
-Wait.
2148
01:33:01,375 --> 01:33:02,709
I have an idea.
2149
01:33:05,479 --> 01:33:07,280
Is this really necessary?
2150
01:33:07,282 --> 01:33:09,683
Told you I wouldn't be
caught dead in those clothes.
2151
01:33:12,186 --> 01:33:13,353
Watch you head, Colette.
2152
01:33:16,924 --> 01:33:17,991
Son of a...
2153
01:33:32,873 --> 01:33:34,741
It's done, boss.
2154
01:33:34,743 --> 01:33:36,676
Scientifically speaking,
what we did is called
2155
01:33:36,678 --> 01:33:38,311
crocodile dundee ii -ing.
2156
01:33:38,313 --> 01:33:40,347
This is where he
switches clothes
with the bad guy
2157
01:33:40,349 --> 01:33:42,983
so that the other bad guys
shoot their boss
instead of him.
2158
01:33:43,818 --> 01:33:45,118
Wow!
2159
01:33:45,120 --> 01:33:46,319
I've got to say, I'm...
2160
01:33:46,321 --> 01:33:47,520
I'm impressed.
2161
01:33:47,522 --> 01:33:48,655
What do you say, like,
2162
01:33:48,657 --> 01:33:50,056
maybe when we get
back to the mainland
2163
01:33:50,858 --> 01:33:52,058
go on like, a date?
2164
01:33:53,828 --> 01:33:55,362
You seem
like a pretty nice guy.
2165
01:33:55,963 --> 01:33:57,497
I know, thanks.
2166
01:33:57,499 --> 01:33:58,798
So, how should I put this?
2167
01:33:58,800 --> 01:34:00,467
Um... mmm!
2168
01:34:00,469 --> 01:34:02,502
-You see that, right there?
-Yeah.
2169
01:34:02,504 --> 01:34:06,072
I'd rather shove that up
my ass and pull it
out my vagina
2170
01:34:06,074 --> 01:34:07,307
than do anything with you.
2171
01:34:08,009 --> 01:34:10,610
Whoa!
2172
01:34:10,612 --> 01:34:12,612
What a grosso!
2173
01:34:12,614 --> 01:34:13,980
What a fuckin' nut!
2174
01:34:13,982 --> 01:34:15,248
Did you hear that?
2175
01:34:15,250 --> 01:34:17,350
Oh yeah, we heard all that.
2176
01:34:17,352 --> 01:34:19,152
Oh my god, man.
2177
01:34:19,154 --> 01:34:21,955
I think I'm in love,
i bet she's
into some weird shit.
2178
01:34:21,957 --> 01:34:23,256
Wait! Hold on! I love you!
2179
01:34:23,258 --> 01:34:24,691
Match made in heaven.
2180
01:34:26,961 --> 01:34:28,161
Well, um,
2181
01:34:28,163 --> 01:34:29,629
it was
really great meeting you.
2182
01:34:29,631 --> 01:34:30,897
Thanks for shooting me.
2183
01:34:31,298 --> 01:34:31,297
You're welcome.
2184
01:34:31,299 --> 01:34:36,136
Now, if you ask me
if I've ever killed someone,
i can say that I tried.
2185
01:34:36,138 --> 01:34:39,005
Yeah, how about next time,
we overthrow a dictator.
2186
01:34:39,007 --> 01:34:41,107
Or, yeah, we could stop
a bank robbery.
2187
01:34:41,575 --> 01:34:42,842
Yeah.
2188
01:34:43,878 --> 01:34:45,311
Or just play it by ear.
2189
01:34:46,914 --> 01:34:49,916
That would really mess
with my plans.
2190
01:34:49,918 --> 01:34:51,618
Hey! Where are
you going? Freeze!
2191
01:34:51,620 --> 01:34:52,686
I'll get you, you bitch.
2192
01:35:06,600 --> 01:35:07,834
Whoa!
2193
01:35:09,738 --> 01:35:11,137
Oh no!
2194
01:35:11,139 --> 01:35:12,605
Was that the first time
you guys were gonna...
2195
01:35:13,174 --> 01:35:14,674
I ruined it.
2196
01:35:14,676 --> 01:35:15,875
Shit!
2197
01:35:15,877 --> 01:35:17,744
Okay, well, keep
going and all that.
2198
01:35:18,279 --> 01:35:19,746
You guys are cute!
2199
01:35:20,214 --> 01:35:21,414
Hi.
2200
01:35:32,094 --> 01:35:35,295
- Help, help.
- All right, I got you.
2201
01:35:36,897 --> 01:35:39,265
Dude, that trip was
exactly what I needed.
2202
01:35:39,267 --> 01:35:40,800
You know what?
2203
01:35:40,802 --> 01:35:42,168
Me too.
2204
01:35:42,170 --> 01:35:44,003
-For real?
-Yeah, man, I feel great.
2205
01:35:44,005 --> 01:35:46,406
I like this new Harry, man.
What are going to do now?
2206
01:35:46,408 --> 01:35:49,409
Oh, I got this text
on the plane.
2207
01:35:49,411 --> 01:35:52,245
I guess I should just
probably go back in to work.
2208
01:35:53,348 --> 01:35:54,681
Dude, I haven't
got shit, this week.
2209
01:35:55,116 --> 01:35:56,449
I'm coming.
2210
01:35:56,451 --> 01:35:58,585
I still have no idea
what you do for work.
2211
01:35:58,587 --> 01:36:00,754
I work hard, man, what else
do you need to know?
164748
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