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1
00:00:09,967 --> 00:00:11,066
Barber: How you living?
2
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- The Guy: I'm good, man.
- Good.
3
00:00:12,270 --> 00:00:14,403
So what I can do for you today?
4
00:00:14,505 --> 00:00:16,472
I'm thinking just a little off the top.
5
00:00:16,574 --> 00:00:18,507
Nothing... nothing too drastic.
6
00:00:18,609 --> 00:00:20,509
I see this man on subway today
7
00:00:20,611 --> 00:00:21,577
who look like you.
8
00:00:21,679 --> 00:00:23,178
- Oh, okay.
- Yeah, and I think,
9
00:00:23,281 --> 00:00:26,282
I want to try haircut like his for you.
10
00:00:26,384 --> 00:00:29,451
- Okay.
- But his hair was much thicker.
11
00:00:31,989 --> 00:00:33,522
Well, you know, mine's going,
12
00:00:33,624 --> 00:00:35,502
- and I'm okay with it.
- Yeah, no kidding it's going.
13
00:00:35,526 --> 00:00:37,993
I can't do anything
with this hair anymore.
14
00:00:38,095 --> 00:00:39,428
This is not enough.
15
00:00:39,530 --> 00:00:41,664
There's... there's
a good amount of hair.
16
00:00:41,766 --> 00:00:43,010
There's good amount, but listen,
17
00:00:43,034 --> 00:00:45,200
I am a barber, not a magician.
18
00:00:45,303 --> 00:00:48,170
- But I will do what I can.
- Okay.
19
00:00:51,509 --> 00:00:52,641
Hey, Johnny. What's up, man?
20
00:00:52,743 --> 00:00:54,977
- What's up, my man? I need
some weed, brother. - Uh...
21
00:00:55,079 --> 00:00:57,146
- ASAP.
- Look... Hold on. Excuse me.
22
00:00:57,248 --> 00:00:58,213
Absolutely.
23
00:00:58,316 --> 00:00:59,682
- Um...
- Take your time.
24
00:00:59,784 --> 00:01:02,184
- It's gonna be probably like two hours.
- Fuck, man.
25
00:01:02,286 --> 00:01:03,926
Okay, well, just so you
know, I'm hurtin'.
26
00:01:03,955 --> 00:01:06,400
- So with the quickness, please.
- Yeah, I'll see what I can do, man.
27
00:01:06,424 --> 00:01:07,489
All right. You do that.
28
00:01:07,591 --> 00:01:09,825
You want to come back in two hours?
29
00:01:09,927 --> 00:01:12,061
No, I... I just gotta get back to work,
30
00:01:12,163 --> 00:01:13,563
- but, uh...
- Okay, good. That's...
31
00:01:13,631 --> 00:01:14,830
Just do the top.
32
00:01:14,932 --> 00:01:16,265
Just the top? Okay.
33
00:01:16,367 --> 00:01:17,933
This is even simple.
34
00:01:18,035 --> 00:01:19,201
Just the top.
35
00:01:19,303 --> 00:01:21,937
This is like you go
to your mechanic in car
36
00:01:22,039 --> 00:01:23,439
and you say, "Only fix the bumper.
37
00:01:23,541 --> 00:01:24,606
Don't fix the engine."
38
00:01:24,709 --> 00:01:26,475
It makes no sense, but I will do it.
39
00:01:26,577 --> 00:01:27,843
Spasiba.
40
00:01:27,945 --> 00:01:29,311
Pajalusta.
41
00:02:04,166 --> 00:02:09,023
- Synced and corrected by VitoSilans -
-- www.Addic7ed.com --
42
00:02:09,153 --> 00:02:11,887
Johnny: Why are you
embarrassed? You look fucking hot!
43
00:02:11,989 --> 00:02:13,956
Lisa: Why are you talking like this?
44
00:02:14,058 --> 00:02:15,702
You sound like you're out
of your fucking mind!
45
00:02:15,726 --> 00:02:17,371
You sound like you're out
of your fucking mind
46
00:02:17,395 --> 00:02:18,995
'cause why would you
invest all this time
47
00:02:19,063 --> 00:02:20,796
and money into belly dancing classes
48
00:02:20,898 --> 00:02:23,832
- and then not want to dance for anyone?
- Because I'm not dancing for you
49
00:02:23,934 --> 00:02:26,035
and your stupid little friends,
you fucking idiots!
50
00:02:26,137 --> 00:02:27,836
Hey, well, excuse me!
51
00:02:27,938 --> 00:02:29,291
I guess I can't fucking
do anything right, can I?
52
00:02:29,315 --> 00:02:30,183
No, you can't do anything right!
53
00:02:30,207 --> 00:02:32,419
- I'm just the worst boyfriend ever.
- I mean, like seriously?
54
00:02:32,443 --> 00:02:33,954
- In the universe.
- Do you hear yourself?
55
00:02:33,978 --> 00:02:35,956
You're trying to act like some
bad-ass, "Fast and the Furious"
56
00:02:35,980 --> 00:02:37,436
whatever Vin Diesel type
shit this is, and,
57
00:02:37,460 --> 00:02:38,625
- you know,
- Hey, hey, hey, all right,
58
00:02:38,649 --> 00:02:41,028
- let's just cool out, babe.
- I can't even stand this shit anymore.
59
00:02:41,052 --> 00:02:42,217
- Cool out?
- Yeah.
60
00:02:42,319 --> 00:02:44,039
- You're fucking crazy!
- Don't hit my flat!
61
00:02:44,121 --> 00:02:46,755
I will do whatever the fuck
I want in your flat!
62
00:02:46,857 --> 00:02:49,236
- Listen, let's just talk.
- Cool out. I can't fucking cool out.
63
00:02:49,260 --> 00:02:50,764
- You cool out!
- Who?
64
00:02:50,789 --> 00:02:51,873
Just like last night like when you were,
65
00:02:51,896 --> 00:02:53,929
you were doing with that
fucking dude in the club.
66
00:02:54,031 --> 00:02:56,176
- I mean, seriously!
- You mean when I was protecting you
67
00:02:56,200 --> 00:02:58,645
- from that asshole thug? - Protecting me?
You call that protecting me?
68
00:02:58,669 --> 00:03:00,736
Yes. That's one of my love
languages, protection.
69
00:03:00,838 --> 00:03:02,304
He was trying to get to the bathroom
70
00:03:02,406 --> 00:03:04,206
- and it was crowded!
- My God! Oh, oh.
71
00:03:04,308 --> 00:03:05,585
You think I don't know that trick?
72
00:03:05,609 --> 00:03:07,154
- You think I don't know that trick?
- Oh, a trick?
73
00:03:07,178 --> 00:03:09,618
- I'm trying to keep you safe.
- You know what? You're insane.
74
00:03:09,713 --> 00:03:11,625
- You're fucking insane.
- Stop calling me crazy!
75
00:03:11,649 --> 00:03:12,815
I didn't call you crazy!
76
00:03:12,917 --> 00:03:13,982
I called you insane!
77
00:03:14,085 --> 00:03:15,684
And I'm done! Fuck you,
78
00:03:15,786 --> 00:03:17,953
- and fuck you!
- What? Hey! Hey!
79
00:03:18,055 --> 00:03:21,023
What the fuck did Chauncey do? Nothing.
80
00:03:21,125 --> 00:03:22,724
- You need to apologize.
- Whatever.
81
00:03:22,827 --> 00:03:24,671
- Look, please, Lisa, don't leave.
- Whatever. Fuck off.
82
00:03:24,695 --> 00:03:26,039
- No. I'm leaving.
- Goddammit, Lisa.
83
00:03:26,063 --> 00:03:28,263
If you leave you out that door,
you ain't coming back.
84
00:03:28,365 --> 00:03:29,731
- Watch.
- Lisa, don't leave!
85
00:03:29,834 --> 00:03:32,067
Goddammit!
86
00:03:32,169 --> 00:03:34,209
What the fuck you doing
out there, brother? Come in.
87
00:03:34,305 --> 00:03:36,738
I was just giving you a minute, man.
88
00:03:36,841 --> 00:03:38,140
Yeah. I'm sorry.
89
00:03:38,242 --> 00:03:39,374
She needs a minute.
90
00:03:39,477 --> 00:03:40,542
Lisa: You need a minute!
91
00:03:40,644 --> 00:03:43,679
- Fucking crazy woman!
- You're fucking crazy!
92
00:03:43,781 --> 00:03:45,347
Man.
93
00:03:46,317 --> 00:03:47,461
She's gorgeous though, right?
94
00:03:47,485 --> 00:03:49,017
- Oh, yeah.
- I mean, you saw her.
95
00:03:49,120 --> 00:03:50,786
Don't get any ideas.
96
00:03:50,888 --> 00:03:52,988
- Okay?
- I...
97
00:03:53,090 --> 00:03:54,223
- No, no...
- Kidding.
98
00:03:54,325 --> 00:03:56,125
Oh. She wouldn't go for you.
99
00:03:57,261 --> 00:03:58,460
You're not her type.
100
00:03:58,562 --> 00:04:01,930
She likes a more clean,
put together... presentation.
101
00:04:02,032 --> 00:04:03,665
You know.
102
00:04:03,767 --> 00:04:04,800
Yeah.
103
00:04:04,902 --> 00:04:06,268
Uh...
104
00:04:06,370 --> 00:04:08,181
sorry to hear you guys
are having troubles, man.
105
00:04:08,205 --> 00:04:11,807
- Yeah.
- This is a, uh, sativa, indica.
106
00:04:11,909 --> 00:04:13,108
Those are a hundred...
107
00:04:13,210 --> 00:04:15,188
- She said some pretty cold shit
to me just now. - Oh. Yeah.
108
00:04:15,212 --> 00:04:16,378
Telling me that I'm selfish.
109
00:04:16,480 --> 00:04:19,248
But do you know how
much shit that I do for her?
110
00:04:19,350 --> 00:04:20,549
No.
111
00:04:20,651 --> 00:04:23,051
She doesn't even realize
how much shit that I sacrifice
112
00:04:23,154 --> 00:04:24,686
to keep this relationship going.
113
00:04:24,788 --> 00:04:26,522
I mean, 'cause believe me,
114
00:04:26,624 --> 00:04:28,257
I got ample opportunity for pussy
115
00:04:28,359 --> 00:04:30,479
every time I hit that
door. Ain't that right Chauncey?
116
00:04:30,528 --> 00:04:32,094
- Mm.
- Chauncey know.
117
00:04:32,196 --> 00:04:34,897
Me too.
118
00:04:34,999 --> 00:04:37,299
That's what I'm saying, man.
119
00:04:41,372 --> 00:04:42,938
Oh, I can't, man. I gotta...
120
00:04:43,040 --> 00:04:44,314
What, you don't want to smoke with us?
121
00:04:44,315 --> 00:04:46,475
No, I just have other clients
I gotta get to, so, uh...
122
00:04:46,577 --> 00:04:49,356
You want me to just leave the money
on the counter like you're a hooker?
123
00:04:49,380 --> 00:04:52,080
- No, I... I...
- Ohh.
124
00:04:52,183 --> 00:04:53,248
I know.
125
00:04:53,350 --> 00:04:54,583
I know.
126
00:04:54,685 --> 00:04:56,351
You think I'm some kind of loser, right?
127
00:04:56,453 --> 00:04:58,853
- No, I... - Like I don't know how
to keep a woman satisfied.
128
00:04:58,923 --> 00:05:02,324
- I didn't say that. - Right. What kind
of guy am I? I get it. I get it. I get it!
129
00:05:03,727 --> 00:05:06,595
Hey, hey, I... I can have a hit.
130
00:05:07,631 --> 00:05:08,730
I'll take a hit.
131
00:05:10,401 --> 00:05:11,600
Nice, brother.
132
00:05:11,702 --> 00:05:13,969
Still pulling? We got more.
133
00:05:14,071 --> 00:05:15,637
You got more.
134
00:05:15,739 --> 00:05:19,341
In Denmark, they tax the prostitutes
is all I'm saying.
135
00:05:19,443 --> 00:05:21,510
Uruguay, it's all legal.
136
00:05:21,612 --> 00:05:23,378
Sss! Drugs and prostitutes.
137
00:05:23,480 --> 00:05:24,880
- Yeah, yeah.
- Sss!
138
00:05:24,982 --> 00:05:26,582
It's part of the culture there.
139
00:05:26,684 --> 00:05:29,751
Cool, man. You know a
lot about... prostitutes.
140
00:05:29,853 --> 00:05:33,355
- It's really impressive.
- Hey, what do you think of my arms?
141
00:05:35,426 --> 00:05:36,892
What about you?
142
00:05:37,962 --> 00:05:39,161
Think my arms are jacked?
143
00:05:39,263 --> 00:05:41,363
Yeah, man. They're jacked.
144
00:05:41,465 --> 00:05:43,732
Yeah. I think so, too.
145
00:05:43,834 --> 00:05:44,866
Cool arms.
146
00:05:44,969 --> 00:05:46,768
So listen, you got the Dank Sinatra,
147
00:05:46,870 --> 00:05:48,570
and then you got a quarter of O.G. Kush,
148
00:05:48,672 --> 00:05:51,673
- so that's... that's $200, man.
- Hey, uh...
149
00:05:51,775 --> 00:05:53,642
would you, uh, ever want to start
150
00:05:53,744 --> 00:05:55,677
one of those customer loyalty programs
151
00:05:55,779 --> 00:05:58,947
like buy one, get one free,
you know, for people like me?
152
00:05:59,049 --> 00:06:00,449
Uh...
153
00:06:00,551 --> 00:06:02,584
I can't do that 'cause I don't...
154
00:06:02,686 --> 00:06:04,786
My business isn't going well enough
155
00:06:04,888 --> 00:06:06,366
- to give away free product.
- Really?
156
00:06:06,390 --> 00:06:07,256
Yeah. Yeah.
157
00:06:07,358 --> 00:06:09,591
Even after I invite you into my home,
158
00:06:09,693 --> 00:06:11,893
give you hospitality,
serve you my special mate?
159
00:06:11,996 --> 00:06:13,228
- Mate.
- Mate.
160
00:06:13,330 --> 00:06:14,874
- No...
- Doesn't that count for anything?
161
00:06:14,898 --> 00:06:17,065
Oh, no, it really does.
I appreciate it, man,
162
00:06:17,167 --> 00:06:19,779
- and like I said... - Well, what about,
like, a free joint or something?
163
00:06:19,803 --> 00:06:21,903
You know, I don't have
any pre-rolled, so I can't...
164
00:06:22,006 --> 00:06:23,372
Well, fuck, I'll roll one.
165
00:06:23,474 --> 00:06:25,407
Chauncey, roll a spliff, will ya?
166
00:06:29,113 --> 00:06:30,545
Whoa, what's the rush?
167
00:06:30,648 --> 00:06:33,048
Colin says you hang out and
smoke with him all the time.
168
00:06:33,150 --> 00:06:35,684
I know, but, you know,
when I have time, I do
169
00:06:35,786 --> 00:06:37,497
'cause, you know, we've
known each other a while,
170
00:06:37,521 --> 00:06:39,399
- we're friends, and...
- What, we're not friends?
171
00:06:39,423 --> 00:06:41,023
We're friends.
172
00:06:41,125 --> 00:06:42,424
I just...
173
00:06:42,526 --> 00:06:44,726
I've only met you twice, so...
174
00:06:44,828 --> 00:06:47,796
I didn't think to say
we were friends yet.
175
00:06:48,932 --> 00:06:50,699
- I'm kidding.
- Oh. Okay.
176
00:06:50,801 --> 00:06:52,534
I know, I'm a customer.
177
00:06:52,636 --> 00:06:53,669
- Okay.
- I get it.
178
00:06:53,771 --> 00:06:54,936
I get it too.
179
00:06:55,039 --> 00:06:57,139
But I'm in your top five customer-wise
though, right?
180
00:06:57,241 --> 00:06:59,541
Oh, yeah. You're...
You're my favorite customer.
181
00:06:59,643 --> 00:07:01,643
Look, Johnny, I really gotta get going.
182
00:07:01,745 --> 00:07:03,045
I'm very busy right now, okay?
183
00:07:03,147 --> 00:07:05,847
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No problem.
184
00:07:05,949 --> 00:07:07,049
Sss!
185
00:07:09,820 --> 00:07:11,486
Sss!
186
00:07:11,588 --> 00:07:13,889
You look cool with that katana, brother.
187
00:07:13,991 --> 00:07:16,291
- Thank you.
- You should consider getting one.
188
00:08:02,039 --> 00:08:03,872
So let's count these out.
189
00:08:03,974 --> 00:08:05,173
Oh, no, man.
190
00:08:05,275 --> 00:08:06,675
I... No, no, no. Stop, stop, stop.
191
00:08:06,777 --> 00:08:07,976
I need... I need cash.
192
00:08:08,078 --> 00:08:10,090
I'm not carrying around,
like, a heavy can of change
193
00:08:10,114 --> 00:08:12,314
- or anything like that.
- Well, fuck, bro.
194
00:08:12,416 --> 00:08:13,849
I don't mean to be disrespectful,
195
00:08:13,951 --> 00:08:15,951
but you could probably
afford to do some lifting.
196
00:08:16,053 --> 00:08:18,431
- Um... - I'm surprised all that
bike riding doesn't' keep you...
197
00:08:18,455 --> 00:08:19,755
- Hey careful!
- Oh, God.
198
00:08:19,857 --> 00:08:21,790
This is an authentic samurai sword
199
00:08:21,892 --> 00:08:23,892
forged at the base of Mount Fuji.
200
00:08:25,496 --> 00:08:26,986
I... I really gotta get to...
201
00:08:27,011 --> 00:08:29,321
You should do some
high intensity intervals
202
00:08:29,400 --> 00:08:30,844
- if you want to lose that gut.
- Mm-hmm.
203
00:08:30,868 --> 00:08:32,479
You could even do 'em
on that bike of yours.
204
00:08:32,503 --> 00:08:35,003
- Yeah.
- I highly recommend one of these guys.
205
00:08:35,105 --> 00:08:37,272
Couple sets of these every day...
206
00:08:38,642 --> 00:08:41,743
those coins wouldn't be
so heavy for you, would they?
207
00:08:57,428 --> 00:08:58,660
Yeah, I guess you're right.
208
00:08:58,762 --> 00:09:00,429
So I'm...
209
00:09:00,531 --> 00:09:02,931
I need $200 in cash, man.
210
00:09:04,001 --> 00:09:05,834
- Please?
- Listen, bro,
211
00:09:05,936 --> 00:09:07,702
if you're business isn't doing too well,
212
00:09:07,805 --> 00:09:09,171
I can lend you some cash
213
00:09:09,273 --> 00:09:10,806
at a low interest rate of course.
214
00:09:10,908 --> 00:09:12,841
Yeah? Oh, thanks. It's not that.
215
00:09:12,943 --> 00:09:15,622
It's just that I have other people who
are waiting for me to come to them.
216
00:09:15,646 --> 00:09:18,213
Oh! How 'bout this?
217
00:09:18,315 --> 00:09:22,584
I could help you out by coming
on as a consultant.
218
00:09:22,686 --> 00:09:25,120
Like for... for example,
219
00:09:25,222 --> 00:09:27,656
maybe if you hired some employees,
220
00:09:27,758 --> 00:09:29,925
you could sell more weed!
221
00:09:30,828 --> 00:09:32,093
That one's free.
222
00:09:33,096 --> 00:09:34,696
That's a great idea.
223
00:09:34,798 --> 00:09:37,566
- I'll think about it.
- So, you know I would ask for half.
224
00:09:37,668 --> 00:09:39,935
Of course. Of course.
225
00:09:40,037 --> 00:09:42,370
Oh, hold on one second.
This is Lisa right here.
226
00:09:42,473 --> 00:09:43,672
- Oh.
- Hold on.
227
00:09:43,774 --> 00:09:46,374
Are you calling 'cause
you're ready to talk reasonably?
228
00:09:46,477 --> 00:09:47,642
Wait, what?
229
00:09:52,549 --> 00:09:54,327
Johnny: Who said that to you?
That's fucking bullshit.
230
00:09:54,351 --> 00:09:57,786
- Hey, man.
- I did not. That's bullshit! I did not.
231
00:10:00,190 --> 00:10:02,168
If... if she's the one
who told you that, then yes,
232
00:10:02,192 --> 00:10:04,392
your sister is a liar.
233
00:10:04,495 --> 00:10:05,660
Well, I would tell her
234
00:10:05,762 --> 00:10:07,807
if she wants to come over here
and say that to my face,
235
00:10:07,831 --> 00:10:10,932
and show me her said proof,
then maybe we can talk.
236
00:10:11,034 --> 00:10:13,869
- But that is bullshit because it didn't
happen. - You guys roommates?
237
00:10:15,873 --> 00:10:17,172
Yeah!
238
00:10:18,342 --> 00:10:19,574
Uh-huh.
239
00:10:20,677 --> 00:10:22,611
What's up, baby? Don't talk like that.
240
00:10:22,713 --> 00:10:24,246
Okay? Don't talk like that.
241
00:10:24,348 --> 00:10:27,215
- Thank you. - On top of everything
else, I didn't do anything at all,
242
00:10:27,317 --> 00:10:29,284
so there's no "on top of"
and there's no this!
243
00:10:29,386 --> 00:10:30,485
I'm just gonna...
244
00:10:30,587 --> 00:10:34,623
I'm watching, I'm...
But you're not listening!
245
00:10:34,725 --> 00:10:37,626
- I'm talking to my girlfriend.
- Keep the change, you filthy animal.
246
00:10:37,728 --> 00:10:39,561
Johnny: I love you.
247
00:10:41,465 --> 00:10:42,597
Thank you.
248
00:10:52,776 --> 00:10:54,543
Where the fuck did he go?
249
00:10:54,645 --> 00:10:56,678
He left.
250
00:10:56,780 --> 00:10:58,013
Really?
251
00:10:59,416 --> 00:11:00,615
Just like that?
252
00:11:00,717 --> 00:11:04,119
Mm. I told him, "Keep the
change, you filthy animal."
253
00:11:04,221 --> 00:11:06,688
"Home Alone." Nice, mate. Good one.
254
00:11:09,826 --> 00:11:12,661
So what'd you think? How was it?
255
00:11:12,763 --> 00:11:15,463
Your accent was a
little wonky in certain places,
256
00:11:15,566 --> 00:11:16,709
but I don't want to get into that.
257
00:11:16,733 --> 00:11:18,433
I think you know what I'm talking about.
258
00:11:18,535 --> 00:11:20,268
- Yeah. Right.
- Can't say "flat."
259
00:11:20,370 --> 00:11:22,170
It's just a dead giveaway.
260
00:11:22,272 --> 00:11:24,539
And I don't know if they
say "spliff" here.
261
00:11:24,641 --> 00:11:26,408
Doesn't even matter. Listen.
262
00:11:26,510 --> 00:11:28,476
The character is
coming along quite nicely.
263
00:11:28,579 --> 00:11:30,645
It's a great exercise. Very helpful.
264
00:11:30,747 --> 00:11:31,780
Tell you what,
265
00:11:31,882 --> 00:11:33,348
they see this next week in class,
266
00:11:33,450 --> 00:11:35,216
it's gonna knock their tits off. Watch.
267
00:11:35,319 --> 00:11:37,852
Keep the change, you
filthy animal. Fucking A.
268
00:11:56,473 --> 00:11:57,873
This is falling off my face. Great.
269
00:11:57,908 --> 00:11:59,783
Okay, quick photo.
Do the, um, square one.
270
00:11:59,808 --> 00:12:00,432
Here's mine.
271
00:12:00,510 --> 00:12:02,221
- I know how to use an iPhone, babe.
- Okay, cool.
272
00:12:02,245 --> 00:12:03,712
But, ladies, keep your legs together
273
00:12:03,814 --> 00:12:06,059
because after a long day at work,
I don't want to see that!
274
00:12:06,083 --> 00:12:08,083
Hey, Tabs, I'm looking at you.
275
00:12:08,185 --> 00:12:10,145
- I don't want to see that. Lock that up.
- Sorry.
276
00:12:10,187 --> 00:12:13,421
Who else wishes Max was straight?
277
00:12:13,523 --> 00:12:16,224
Back off, bitch. Get
your own gay husband.
278
00:12:16,326 --> 00:12:18,226
Oh, wait, you're
marrying him next month.
279
00:12:18,328 --> 00:12:19,405
Okay, ladies, everybody say,
280
00:12:19,429 --> 00:12:21,696
"I tell my boyfriend
he's normal-sized!"
281
00:12:21,798 --> 00:12:23,309
- I do!
- Max, just take the fucking picture.
282
00:12:23,333 --> 00:12:25,100
Say, "Beyoncé!"
283
00:12:25,202 --> 00:12:28,603
All: Beyoncé!
284
00:12:28,705 --> 00:12:29,537
Yas, kweens!
285
00:12:29,640 --> 00:12:32,707
Oh, my God, you're killing it. Work!
286
00:12:32,809 --> 00:12:34,476
Yas, kween.
287
00:12:34,578 --> 00:12:36,044
Work. Yas.
288
00:12:36,146 --> 00:12:38,847
It's like, we get it, you have
access to social media.
289
00:12:38,949 --> 00:12:41,349
Okay, what about the one who said
she used to roofie herself?
290
00:12:41,418 --> 00:12:44,138
Yeah, we all did that, but I know
who you're talking about: Courtney.
291
00:12:44,187 --> 00:12:46,855
She's crazy. She was
telling me about all her abortions.
292
00:12:46,957 --> 00:12:50,558
Yeah, we used to say Planned Parenthood
gave her a punch card.
293
00:12:50,661 --> 00:12:52,405
Okay, that sounds like
a Chelsea Handler joke.
294
00:12:52,429 --> 00:12:53,962
I will Google it.
295
00:12:56,099 --> 00:12:58,619
- Max, can you fix my braids?
They're coming loose. - Yes, baby,
296
00:12:58,702 --> 00:13:00,446
but I need bobby pins
'cause y'all cleaned me out.
297
00:13:00,470 --> 00:13:04,839
- Know what I'm saying?
- Oh, I have three words for y'all!
298
00:13:04,941 --> 00:13:07,609
- New Orleans spring break!
- Oww!
299
00:13:07,711 --> 00:13:08,977
- Go get us bobby pins.
- Okay.
300
00:13:09,079 --> 00:13:10,345
Oh, also, we are out of vodka.
301
00:13:10,447 --> 00:13:11,887
- Aren't you going out later?
- Yeah.
302
00:13:11,982 --> 00:13:13,481
But we wanna do vodka tampons.
303
00:14:19,249 --> 00:14:20,949
Oh, my God.
304
00:14:22,119 --> 00:14:23,218
Oh, Jesus.
305
00:14:23,320 --> 00:14:25,386
- Come on.
- Oh, my God.
306
00:14:25,489 --> 00:14:26,888
What is your rent like?
307
00:14:26,990 --> 00:14:30,125
You heard about the whole
debacle with the swing snapping, right?
308
00:14:30,227 --> 00:14:32,427
- That did not happen.
- Oh, man, it was so bad.
309
00:14:32,529 --> 00:14:34,062
This poor,
310
00:14:34,164 --> 00:14:37,165
dear older woman went down.
311
00:14:37,267 --> 00:14:38,633
No, please.
312
00:14:38,735 --> 00:14:41,415
- You could hear it echo throughout
the entire Armory. - Oh, my God.
313
00:14:41,471 --> 00:14:44,339
Luckily, nobody got hurt.
But, I mean, you could just
314
00:14:44,441 --> 00:14:47,675
imagine her poor, frail bones
just getting pulverized.
315
00:14:47,778 --> 00:14:49,698
If you watch "The
Artist is Present" documentary,
316
00:14:49,746 --> 00:14:51,657
you can see me in the background
when that naked girl
317
00:14:51,681 --> 00:14:52,925
gets escorted out by the guards.
318
00:14:52,949 --> 00:14:54,527
- Uh-huh.
- And I'm, like, giving here a look.
319
00:14:54,551 --> 00:14:56,251
I'm like...
320
00:14:56,353 --> 00:14:58,419
She's actually my friend.
That's Josephine.
321
00:14:58,522 --> 00:15:00,421
- She's a genius filmmaker.
- Oh, yeah?
322
00:15:00,524 --> 00:15:02,204
- Yeah.
- And what's your name, by the way?
323
00:15:02,292 --> 00:15:04,292
I'm Max.
324
00:15:04,394 --> 00:15:05,660
Nice to meet you, Max.
325
00:15:05,762 --> 00:15:07,774
You might remember me from
when I was eating out your asshole.
326
00:15:07,798 --> 00:15:09,976
- You know, I thought you looked
familiar from somewhere. - Yeah.
327
00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:11,232
- I'm Sebastian.
- Oh, cool.
328
00:15:11,334 --> 00:15:12,278
Oh, sorry.
329
00:15:12,302 --> 00:15:13,835
- Would you...
- Sure. Yeah. Uh-huh.
330
00:15:16,940 --> 00:15:18,067
Sorry.
331
00:15:18,175 --> 00:15:20,857
_
332
00:15:20,857 --> 00:15:22,076
Oh, shit. I gotta go, man.
333
00:15:22,179 --> 00:15:24,345
Um, it was a pleasure to fuck you, Max.
334
00:15:24,447 --> 00:15:26,648
You haven't seen my jumpsuit
anywhere, have you?
335
00:15:26,750 --> 00:15:28,528
What? Are you going
somewhere fun? Can I come?
336
00:15:28,552 --> 00:15:31,152
Um, um, I actually
have to go to a meeting.
337
00:15:31,254 --> 00:15:32,487
I'm in recovery.
338
00:15:33,769 --> 00:15:35,008
_
339
00:15:35,458 --> 00:15:37,692
I'm actually in recovery too. I am, too.
340
00:15:37,794 --> 00:15:40,128
- Yeah?
- And I'm really overdue for a meeting.
341
00:15:40,230 --> 00:15:42,330
- Well, maybe we should go together.
- I'd love that.
342
00:15:42,432 --> 00:15:44,933
Hey, y'all. I'm Darnell. Addict.
343
00:15:45,035 --> 00:15:46,301
All: Hi, Darnell.
344
00:15:46,403 --> 00:15:47,702
Hey, everybody.
345
00:15:47,804 --> 00:15:49,838
Today, girl...
346
00:15:49,940 --> 00:15:52,674
if I make it through
this day without smoking tina,
347
00:15:52,776 --> 00:15:55,076
then it is literally by the grace of God
348
00:15:55,178 --> 00:15:56,678
and it had nothing to do with me.
349
00:15:56,780 --> 00:15:59,447
Everything's a trigger today.
Everything. Like a shoe.
350
00:15:59,549 --> 00:16:01,260
Like, oh, I remember
that time I saw that shoe.
351
00:16:01,284 --> 00:16:03,718
When I was smoking that tina
and then I was, like, blowing
352
00:16:03,820 --> 00:16:06,065
that guy behind the dumpster.
It was, like, literally like that.
353
00:16:06,089 --> 00:16:08,990
So I'm at the, um, laundromat
and this song comes on.
354
00:16:09,092 --> 00:16:11,960
Within like the first
two notes of the song,
355
00:16:12,062 --> 00:16:13,595
I look down and I'm like,
356
00:16:13,697 --> 00:16:16,698
"All right. Yeah, now is
the time to get a boner."
357
00:16:16,800 --> 00:16:19,400
This is when... this is when
you really want one, right?
358
00:16:19,502 --> 00:16:20,969
At the laundromat!
359
00:16:22,105 --> 00:16:23,872
When you're looking
at some lady named Wanda.
360
00:16:23,974 --> 00:16:26,941
Right? Me and Wanda.
I'm like, "Hey, Wanda."
361
00:16:27,043 --> 00:16:28,309
She's over there just clueless.
362
00:16:28,411 --> 00:16:30,912
She's like, "Oh it's so good
to see you, Darnell!"
363
00:16:31,014 --> 00:16:33,748
I'm like, "Apparently not as good
as it is to see you, honey."
364
00:16:36,553 --> 00:16:38,753
What I'm supposed to say
is addicts have two days.
365
00:16:38,855 --> 00:16:40,822
You have good days
and you have great days.
366
00:16:40,924 --> 00:16:43,858
A good day is when,
like, everything goes
367
00:16:43,960 --> 00:16:45,960
like, your way and you don't use,
368
00:16:46,062 --> 00:16:48,029
and then a great day is when literally
369
00:16:48,131 --> 00:16:51,132
nothing goes your way
and you still don't use.
370
00:16:51,234 --> 00:16:55,069
So, this is gonna be a
great fucking day, all right?
371
00:16:55,171 --> 00:16:57,672
Her boyfriend was just
stumbling around Brooklyn
372
00:16:57,774 --> 00:16:59,674
like a Polack on Christmas.
373
00:16:59,776 --> 00:17:00,975
- Oh, my God.
- Just remind me
374
00:17:01,077 --> 00:17:02,810
never to go out with those people again.
375
00:17:02,913 --> 00:17:05,613
Okay, I will.
376
00:17:05,715 --> 00:17:08,850
I need, like, the biggest,
narstiest breakfast sandwich
377
00:17:08,952 --> 00:17:10,685
to soak up all this alcohol.
378
00:17:10,787 --> 00:17:14,088
Ooh, there's biscuits
with sausage gravy.
379
00:17:14,190 --> 00:17:16,891
Oh, my God!
380
00:17:16,993 --> 00:17:18,927
Oh, my God, I love you!
381
00:17:19,029 --> 00:17:21,362
Oh, hey, boo, um, can
you pay for this today?
382
00:17:21,464 --> 00:17:22,775
I left my card at the bar last night.
383
00:17:22,799 --> 00:17:24,799
Yeah, boo, but I need you
to pay me back this time.
384
00:17:24,868 --> 00:17:26,668
Oh, hey, what'd you
get up to last night?
385
00:17:26,770 --> 00:17:29,504
I lost you after that horse-faced
girl fell down.
386
00:17:29,606 --> 00:17:31,072
I did my sex app.
387
00:17:31,174 --> 00:17:32,814
- I told you to stop doing that.
- I know.
388
00:17:32,876 --> 00:17:34,142
You're right, it's bad.
389
00:17:34,244 --> 00:17:35,684
Ugh. Can I get you guys some drinks?
390
00:17:35,712 --> 00:17:38,613
Oh, yeah. I think we should
get some Bloody Marys.
391
00:17:38,715 --> 00:17:39,914
Oh, none for me. Thanks.
392
00:17:40,016 --> 00:17:41,416
'Cause I have reflux.
393
00:17:41,518 --> 00:17:44,118
But, um, can I just get, like, the mix?
394
00:17:44,220 --> 00:17:47,021
So this thing on Friday starts at 9:00,
395
00:17:47,123 --> 00:17:49,857
so I think we should,
you know, go out beforehand.
396
00:17:49,960 --> 00:17:51,359
Get some dranks,
397
00:17:51,461 --> 00:17:52,760
get there around 10:30.
398
00:17:52,862 --> 00:17:54,106
I'm gonna have to meet you there
399
00:17:54,130 --> 00:17:55,663
because I am...
400
00:17:55,765 --> 00:17:57,365
I have to go to my friend's
play reading.
401
00:17:57,400 --> 00:17:58,866
Oh, God, that's awful.
402
00:17:58,969 --> 00:18:00,435
Not enough money in the world.
403
00:18:00,537 --> 00:18:03,171
- Truly. It's horrible.
- Yeah, I'll see you later after that.
404
00:18:03,273 --> 00:18:05,584
- I can't... Like...
- I can't believe I have to go to that.
405
00:18:05,608 --> 00:18:08,509
- Hi, I'm Sebastian. I'm an addict.
- Group: Hi, Sebastian.
406
00:18:08,611 --> 00:18:11,512
My name is Marco and I'm an addict.
407
00:18:11,614 --> 00:18:13,848
Hi, I'm Joel. I'm an addict.
408
00:18:13,950 --> 00:18:16,918
She put all of these hopes on me
409
00:18:17,020 --> 00:18:19,554
and so what I did to combat that
410
00:18:19,656 --> 00:18:23,224
was to be, a... A fucked up whore.
411
00:18:23,326 --> 00:18:25,827
And, um...
412
00:18:25,929 --> 00:18:27,528
Lainey: Oh, my God, look at this family
413
00:18:27,630 --> 00:18:29,397
I saw on the way home
from work yesterday.
414
00:18:29,499 --> 00:18:30,631
Like, really, you guys?
415
00:18:30,734 --> 00:18:32,667
You're all in wheelchairs?
416
00:18:33,770 --> 00:18:36,204
You're a regular Vivian Maier.
417
00:18:36,306 --> 00:18:39,140
And then at one point,
he's like, very romantically,
418
00:18:39,242 --> 00:18:40,541
"Uh, I gotta take a shit."
419
00:18:40,643 --> 00:18:42,377
And I found myself going,
420
00:18:42,479 --> 00:18:44,012
"Why don't you just go in the bed?"
421
00:18:45,715 --> 00:18:47,982
Ugh, I'm so hungry!
422
00:18:48,084 --> 00:18:50,785
Food! I want food!
423
00:18:50,887 --> 00:18:53,021
My name is Panda and I wanna eat!
424
00:18:53,123 --> 00:18:55,223
Maxie! Hi!
425
00:18:55,325 --> 00:18:56,924
- Oh, my God, Panda.
- Feed me!
426
00:18:57,027 --> 00:18:58,259
Feed me, feed me!
427
00:18:58,361 --> 00:18:59,327
Panda, no.
428
00:18:59,429 --> 00:19:01,062
Whoa, whoa, whoa...
429
00:19:01,164 --> 00:19:04,065
- We got it!
- No, no, no, no. Don't worry about it.
430
00:19:04,167 --> 00:19:05,733
Just that when I post something,
431
00:19:05,835 --> 00:19:07,368
I really need you to favorite it
432
00:19:07,470 --> 00:19:09,937
because otherwise, I just
get all in my head!
433
00:19:10,040 --> 00:19:11,873
Oh, boo, I'm so sorry.
434
00:19:11,975 --> 00:19:14,008
Sometimes I just get
lazy about that stuff.
435
00:19:14,110 --> 00:19:16,411
I... I have to go to the boys room.
436
00:19:16,513 --> 00:19:17,678
Do you have the coke?
437
00:19:19,182 --> 00:19:21,015
I just want to say
438
00:19:21,117 --> 00:19:24,152
that if you're new, um,
we're so happy to have you here
439
00:19:24,254 --> 00:19:28,556
because, um, you are the
lifeblood of this program.
440
00:19:28,658 --> 00:19:31,826
And, um, I'm so grateful
441
00:19:31,928 --> 00:19:34,796
that I'm sober
because if I wasn't sober,
442
00:19:34,898 --> 00:19:40,134
I would probably be, um...
443
00:19:41,838 --> 00:19:43,538
Is someone's phone going off?
444
00:19:43,640 --> 00:19:45,807
I'm sorry, we... Turn your phone off.
445
00:19:45,909 --> 00:19:47,642
Like, we don't have phones on.
446
00:19:47,744 --> 00:19:49,077
Totally lost my train of thought.
447
00:19:49,179 --> 00:19:50,539
I think I'm just gonna wrap there.
448
00:19:50,613 --> 00:19:51,846
Thanks for letting me share.
449
00:19:51,948 --> 00:19:54,082
Group: Thanks, Jason.
450
00:19:54,184 --> 00:19:55,716
Did you talk to Max about that job?
451
00:19:55,819 --> 00:19:57,518
No. God, thank you.
452
00:19:57,620 --> 00:19:59,153
Keep forgetting to mention it.
453
00:19:59,255 --> 00:20:01,189
Listen, um, my friend Scott
454
00:20:01,291 --> 00:20:05,093
is a publicist and
he is hiring right now,
455
00:20:05,195 --> 00:20:06,527
and he has amazing clients
456
00:20:06,629 --> 00:20:08,863
like the Met Ball and shit like that.
457
00:20:08,965 --> 00:20:09,831
What?
458
00:20:09,933 --> 00:20:12,266
So, it would be an entry-level thing,
459
00:20:12,368 --> 00:20:14,368
but I don't know,
would that ever interest you?
460
00:20:14,471 --> 00:20:15,536
- Yes. I...
- Yeah?
461
00:20:15,638 --> 00:20:18,372
- I'm wasting away in retail
hell right now. - Perfect.
462
00:20:18,475 --> 00:20:21,008
Uh, I invited him to come
to dinner later after group,
463
00:20:21,111 --> 00:20:22,777
so I'll make it happen.
464
00:20:22,879 --> 00:20:24,245
Totally.
465
00:20:24,347 --> 00:20:26,347
I'm making White Russians.
466
00:20:26,449 --> 00:20:28,249
I don't want any. Thank you.
467
00:20:28,351 --> 00:20:31,018
Are you being good and not doing carbs?
468
00:20:31,121 --> 00:20:33,454
Fucking hate you right now.
469
00:20:34,457 --> 00:20:38,793
Well, I am super bloated and cramping.
470
00:20:39,996 --> 00:20:42,730
So, I don't give a fuck about anything.
471
00:20:42,832 --> 00:20:44,932
Hey, will you braid my hair tonight?
472
00:20:46,302 --> 00:20:47,835
I was actually just about to leave.
473
00:20:47,937 --> 00:20:49,103
- What? No!
- I know.
474
00:20:49,205 --> 00:20:50,638
- I'm sorry.
- I just spent all week
475
00:20:50,740 --> 00:20:52,206
DVRing "Real Housewives."
476
00:20:52,308 --> 00:20:54,353
Don't you just want to
put on elastic waist pants
477
00:20:54,377 --> 00:20:56,388
- and be a fat garbage monster on
the couch with me? - Yes.
478
00:20:56,412 --> 00:20:59,780
So badly, but I told him I'd go to
this stupid play reading thing.
479
00:20:59,883 --> 00:21:02,350
Another reading? Who's this friend?
480
00:21:02,452 --> 00:21:03,784
This is fucking excessive.
481
00:21:03,887 --> 00:21:05,353
It's horrible. Imagine how I feel.
482
00:21:05,455 --> 00:21:08,189
But I'll be done by midnight and
I can text you when I'm on my way
483
00:21:08,291 --> 00:21:11,225
and you can let me know what
you want me to bring you home.
484
00:21:11,327 --> 00:21:12,627
Okay.
485
00:21:13,496 --> 00:21:15,029
- Have fun!
- Okay!
486
00:21:16,466 --> 00:21:17,732
I love you!
487
00:21:23,406 --> 00:21:24,872
Uh... nope.
488
00:21:28,144 --> 00:21:31,279
Um...
489
00:21:31,381 --> 00:21:32,747
Shit.
490
00:22:02,845 --> 00:22:04,245
Hey!
491
00:22:05,515 --> 00:22:07,148
What are you doing?
492
00:22:07,250 --> 00:22:08,883
Locking my bike.
493
00:22:08,985 --> 00:22:11,118
- It's a memorial.
- Yeah, I know,
494
00:22:11,221 --> 00:22:13,688
but there's nowhere else to lock
up. I'll be five minutes.
495
00:22:13,790 --> 00:22:16,390
Still. It's disrespectful.
496
00:22:17,427 --> 00:22:19,427
Well, I think in this case,
497
00:22:19,529 --> 00:22:21,362
the deceased might have understood.
498
00:22:22,932 --> 00:22:24,732
I'm gonna be five minutes.
499
00:22:40,016 --> 00:22:41,349
Max: Oh, God. Hi.
500
00:22:41,451 --> 00:22:44,385
Okay, I have been coming to this
chapter for a few weeks now.
501
00:22:44,487 --> 00:22:45,786
Oh, sorry. My name is Max.
502
00:22:45,888 --> 00:22:48,856
Um, and I haven't shared before today.
503
00:22:48,958 --> 00:22:50,324
Oh, sorry, and I'm an addict.
504
00:22:50,426 --> 00:22:51,926
Group: Hi, Max.
505
00:22:52,028 --> 00:22:53,194
I forgot.
506
00:22:53,296 --> 00:22:57,231
Um, but I've been feeling
really uplifted by you guys.
507
00:22:57,333 --> 00:23:00,334
I don't know. And I just, uh...
508
00:23:00,436 --> 00:23:02,503
I had a profound realization
509
00:23:02,605 --> 00:23:04,338
thanks to you, and it's...
510
00:23:04,440 --> 00:23:08,109
it seems kind of obvious
and dumb, but I...
511
00:23:08,211 --> 00:23:10,678
I don't know. Being around
you fine people,
512
00:23:10,780 --> 00:23:13,948
I just... It's brought
a lot to light for me, so...
513
00:23:15,852 --> 00:23:16,951
Okay.
514
00:23:17,053 --> 00:23:21,956
Crystal came into my life
junior year, Florida State.
515
00:23:22,058 --> 00:23:25,626
And I don't feel like I've had a
day without crystal since then.
516
00:23:27,397 --> 00:23:30,031
It's like crystal has silently
taken over my life
517
00:23:30,133 --> 00:23:33,634
and I don't feel like
there's space for me in it anymore.
518
00:23:35,071 --> 00:23:39,240
Like... crystal decides
everything for me.
519
00:23:39,342 --> 00:23:41,442
You know? Like...
520
00:23:41,544 --> 00:23:44,378
and I feel like a fucking piece of shit
521
00:23:44,480 --> 00:23:45,980
just being controlled.
522
00:23:46,082 --> 00:23:49,850
I'm... I'm fucking in her control.
523
00:23:49,952 --> 00:23:53,020
Like, crystal doesn't care what I want.
524
00:23:53,122 --> 00:23:55,423
Uh, crystal just cares about crystal.
525
00:23:55,525 --> 00:23:57,358
- Mm-hmm. That's true.
- Yeah.
526
00:23:57,460 --> 00:23:59,794
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
527
00:23:59,896 --> 00:24:02,530
And yet, sometimes I think
I want to be crystal,
528
00:24:02,632 --> 00:24:03,898
and those are my darkest days
529
00:24:04,000 --> 00:24:07,168
because I'm... I'm spending
all my fucking time
530
00:24:07,270 --> 00:24:09,437
and energy being a gay
clown for crystal.
531
00:24:09,539 --> 00:24:12,573
And why? It... Like, crystal
won't pay me back
532
00:24:12,675 --> 00:24:14,141
the fucking money I've spent on her.
533
00:24:14,243 --> 00:24:18,012
Crystal won't be there for me
when I'm spending my birthday
534
00:24:18,114 --> 00:24:21,415
wondering if this is the day
my mom's gonna call me.
535
00:24:24,020 --> 00:24:27,822
Crystal demands all the attention.
536
00:24:27,924 --> 00:24:30,758
Crystal demands all the attention
537
00:24:30,860 --> 00:24:34,695
and she won't be satisfied
until I'm completely drained
538
00:24:34,797 --> 00:24:37,998
of life force, of everything.
539
00:24:38,101 --> 00:24:39,600
And she's very racist.
540
00:24:39,702 --> 00:24:43,270
He's never even tried
crystal meth, you guys!
541
00:24:43,373 --> 00:24:45,306
Cute monologue though.
542
00:24:45,408 --> 00:24:46,874
Is this your little play reading?
543
00:24:46,976 --> 00:24:48,376
This is a closed meeting.
544
00:24:48,478 --> 00:24:49,777
Settle down, Cherry Jones.
545
00:24:49,879 --> 00:24:51,857
Sebastian: You need to
leave. Do you know her? This woman?
546
00:24:51,881 --> 00:24:53,726
- Lainey: Okay, Neil Patrick Harris!
- Jason: Wow.
547
00:24:53,750 --> 00:24:54,582
Get out.
548
00:25:06,329 --> 00:25:07,862
Oh! Watch out!
549
00:25:08,965 --> 00:25:09,864
Dammit, man!
550
00:25:09,966 --> 00:25:12,400
- You watch it. No bike lane.
- Come on!
551
00:25:24,614 --> 00:25:26,280
Hello?
552
00:25:26,382 --> 00:25:27,564
Max: Hey, so I know
you said I shouldn't call
553
00:25:27,565 --> 00:25:28,769
you or whatever or I shouldn't
call you back
554
00:25:28,770 --> 00:25:31,070
or anything, but I did something
really stupid and I really need to meet up
555
00:25:31,072 --> 00:25:33,721
and chill out with your stuff, man.
It's like totally an emergency!
556
00:25:33,839 --> 00:25:36,624
- I just found this phone on the street.
- You what?
557
00:25:36,726 --> 00:25:38,826
I'm the delivery driver.
I just found this phone.
558
00:25:38,928 --> 00:25:41,362
That's my friend's phone!
I'll take it for him.
559
00:25:41,464 --> 00:25:43,864
I'm seeing him tomorrow
anyway. Let's meet up! Where are you?
560
00:25:43,933 --> 00:25:45,433
Thank you so much! I have cash!
561
00:25:45,535 --> 00:25:47,034
Is it? Phone says "Asshole."
562
00:25:47,136 --> 00:25:49,670
Really? Oh! That's a
high school nickname.
563
00:25:49,772 --> 00:25:51,550
We're friends forever.
Always will be friends.
564
00:25:51,574 --> 00:25:54,141
- But where are you? Like I said,
I have cash. - How much?
565
00:25:58,381 --> 00:26:01,148
- Excellent song choice!
- Yeah, boy!
566
00:26:04,287 --> 00:26:05,719
Do you sleep back there?
567
00:26:05,822 --> 00:26:07,988
Yeah. There's a futon
in the dressing room.
568
00:26:08,090 --> 00:26:10,825
- This is very on point for you, man.
- Yeah, I love it.
569
00:26:10,927 --> 00:26:12,827
The only trouble is there's no shower
570
00:26:12,929 --> 00:26:14,061
'cause it's a theater.
571
00:26:14,163 --> 00:26:17,231
But, um, there's a
cheap gym around the corner.
572
00:26:17,333 --> 00:26:18,599
So, I do that.
573
00:26:18,701 --> 00:26:20,935
- Very, very Chad.
- Yeah.
574
00:26:21,037 --> 00:26:22,002
It's awesome.
575
00:26:22,104 --> 00:26:24,872
Wait, are you saying "Chad"
in a pejorative sense?
576
00:26:24,974 --> 00:26:26,707
I think so.
577
00:26:27,610 --> 00:26:28,742
- You...
- Ye-oww!
578
00:26:28,845 --> 00:26:30,611
All right, man. Please? I need a phone.
579
00:26:30,713 --> 00:26:32,079
Can I just get a phone please?
580
00:26:32,181 --> 00:26:33,914
- Shane? Shane?
- Shane: Yeah?
581
00:26:34,016 --> 00:26:36,376
- Wh... where's the rest of your
battleship? - I don't know!
582
00:26:36,419 --> 00:26:38,953
You're really...
You're up to 11 over here.
583
00:26:39,055 --> 00:26:40,454
- All right?
- Good!
584
00:26:40,556 --> 00:26:43,157
There's so much to do.
585
00:26:43,259 --> 00:26:46,994
- Hello, how may I help you this evening?
- How may I help you this evening?
586
00:26:47,096 --> 00:26:49,530
- Max: Thank you for calling.
- What? Hello?
587
00:26:49,632 --> 00:26:51,109
What location can I find you at tonight
588
00:26:51,133 --> 00:26:53,334
- where I can assist you with your weed?
- Uh...
589
00:26:53,436 --> 00:26:55,436
Who is this? This is my phone.
590
00:26:55,538 --> 00:26:56,837
Hello, Congresswoman.
591
00:26:56,939 --> 00:26:58,839
I've been waiting for this moment.
592
00:26:58,941 --> 00:27:01,342
The person who found your phone,
593
00:27:01,444 --> 00:27:03,177
a man, entrusted me.
594
00:27:03,279 --> 00:27:05,112
He t... and told me
to give you your phone,
595
00:27:05,214 --> 00:27:08,282
which I will do, but it's
going to cost you.
596
00:27:08,384 --> 00:27:10,751
You're gonna come meet me
597
00:27:10,853 --> 00:27:13,754
with a Prada Inside bag, okay?
598
00:27:13,856 --> 00:27:16,590
Full of cash and whatever
drugs you have.
599
00:27:16,692 --> 00:27:18,459
I don't know if you have
any drugs right now.
600
00:27:18,561 --> 00:27:20,205
You can meet me here
or I can meet you there
601
00:27:20,229 --> 00:27:22,174
- 'cause there's Uber on my phone.
- What the fuck?
602
00:27:22,198 --> 00:27:23,575
What are you doing with my phone, man?
603
00:27:23,599 --> 00:27:25,466
- Calm down for a second!
- What?
604
00:27:25,568 --> 00:27:27,334
If you just be quiet, I can tell you!
605
00:27:27,436 --> 00:27:29,003
I know this guy. He fucking sucks.
606
00:27:29,105 --> 00:27:30,582
People have been calling you all night,
607
00:27:30,606 --> 00:27:32,373
so I know you're making crazy money!
608
00:27:32,475 --> 00:27:35,309
- Show me the money! - That's hilarious
because my first real blowjob
609
00:27:35,411 --> 00:27:36,955
was in eighth grade from Corey Jacobson
610
00:27:36,979 --> 00:27:38,879
while "Jerry
Maguire" was playing on VHS!
611
00:27:38,981 --> 00:27:40,915
I'll give you a blowjob right now!
612
00:27:41,017 --> 00:27:42,216
Okay! Sounds great!
613
00:27:42,318 --> 00:27:43,918
What did I tell you? More money? More...
614
00:27:44,020 --> 00:27:46,053
- Max: Now...
- Shut up.
615
00:27:46,155 --> 00:27:47,755
Where are we gonna have our meet?
616
00:27:47,857 --> 00:27:49,156
Meet? What do you mean meet?
617
00:27:49,258 --> 00:27:51,258
Our little tête-à -tête.
618
00:27:51,360 --> 00:27:53,861
Our little pas de deux.
619
00:27:53,963 --> 00:27:55,123
That's not gonna happen, man.
620
00:27:55,197 --> 00:27:56,730
I'm just gonna erase this phone.
621
00:27:56,832 --> 00:27:58,465
- Oh no! Oh no!
- Yeah.
622
00:27:58,568 --> 00:28:00,167
He's like Mr. Robot or some shit!
623
00:28:00,269 --> 00:28:01,335
He's erasing the phone!
624
00:28:01,437 --> 00:28:02,379
Pretty sad.
625
00:28:02,380 --> 00:28:04,816
- But will you still come sell us weed?
- Hey, man, get help.
626
00:28:04,840 --> 00:28:05,973
Dude!
627
00:28:07,076 --> 00:28:08,776
- Damn.
- I'm sorry, man. That sucks.
628
00:28:08,878 --> 00:28:10,077
Well, thank you for that.
629
00:28:10,179 --> 00:28:12,157
It's impressive you can just
erase your burner like that.
630
00:28:12,181 --> 00:28:13,914
It's not a burner. It's an iPhone.
631
00:28:14,016 --> 00:28:15,449
Uh, where do I put this?
632
00:28:15,551 --> 00:28:16,784
Meh. Wherever.
633
00:28:16,886 --> 00:28:18,319
All right.
634
00:28:18,421 --> 00:28:19,987
There you go.
635
00:28:21,624 --> 00:28:22,957
Well, thank you very much, Chad.
636
00:28:23,059 --> 00:28:24,091
Yeah. Any time, man.
637
00:28:24,193 --> 00:28:26,794
Doors open, except twice on Saturdays
638
00:28:26,896 --> 00:28:28,729
- and every night at 7:00.
- Cool.
639
00:28:28,831 --> 00:28:30,631
You okay?
640
00:28:30,733 --> 00:28:32,066
Yeah. I'm great.
641
00:28:32,168 --> 00:28:33,467
You sure?
642
00:28:35,204 --> 00:28:36,670
Wanna use my shower?
643
00:28:36,772 --> 00:28:37,805
I'd like that.
644
00:28:37,907 --> 00:28:38,867
All right. Come on, man.
645
00:28:38,908 --> 00:28:40,975
- You gonna turn off the light?
- No.
646
00:28:41,077 --> 00:28:42,710
I don't know how.
647
00:28:42,812 --> 00:28:44,578
Tabs: That's crazy!
Did you call his parents?
648
00:28:44,680 --> 00:28:46,458
Lainey: No. I don't
have his parents' numbers.
649
00:28:46,482 --> 00:28:49,583
Oh, God, leave it to Max to
be such a drama queen about this.
650
00:28:49,685 --> 00:28:51,363
- Two days is a long time.
- Oh, hang on, Tabs.
651
00:28:51,387 --> 00:28:53,520
- He's coming. I'll call you back.
- Oh, okay.
652
00:28:53,623 --> 00:28:54,955
- Max!
- Hi, Lainey.
653
00:28:55,057 --> 00:28:56,657
Jesus Christ! Where have you been?
654
00:28:56,759 --> 00:28:59,605
- Hi, Lainey! Hi! - I was getting ready
to tweet about your disappearance!
655
00:28:59,629 --> 00:29:00,761
How am I supposed to know?
656
00:29:00,863 --> 00:29:02,943
No, because, you know, he
told me it was my birthday.
657
00:29:03,032 --> 00:29:05,432
I don't know. Well, argh!
I don't know what to do.
658
00:29:05,534 --> 00:29:06,694
I did it, Lainey. I did meth.
659
00:29:06,769 --> 00:29:08,046
You know how I'd never done it before
660
00:29:08,070 --> 00:29:10,204
and I was being a fraud? I
knew it. Now they all know.
661
00:29:10,306 --> 00:29:11,306
They all know I'm a fraud
662
00:29:11,340 --> 00:29:12,780
and I will never go to the Met ball!
663
00:29:12,875 --> 00:29:15,442
- Okay. - I would've put you on
the list, you fucking bitch!
664
00:29:15,544 --> 00:29:18,712
I don't know! There's
no vegetation in here.
665
00:29:18,814 --> 00:29:20,581
It's not something that we do,
666
00:29:20,683 --> 00:29:22,327
and if you don't have
green in the kitchen,
667
00:29:22,351 --> 00:29:23,484
what are you supposed to do?
668
00:29:23,586 --> 00:29:26,820
I fucked Shane. Party and
play. Party and play!
669
00:29:26,922 --> 00:29:28,355
Party and play, y'all!
670
00:29:28,457 --> 00:29:30,891
We met on my phone and we
did meth, and it's fun.
671
00:29:30,993 --> 00:29:32,537
We've been just fucking
for days I think.
672
00:29:32,561 --> 00:29:34,495
For a year! Happy New Year, baby!
673
00:29:34,597 --> 00:29:36,530
What's up?
674
00:29:36,632 --> 00:29:39,099
Shane's mom's name is Anita,
and Anita has lupus.
675
00:29:39,201 --> 00:29:41,268
Lainey, is everybody
named Shane a quarter Cherokee
676
00:29:41,370 --> 00:29:43,250
with a lupus mom?
'Cause I think that's a thing.
677
00:29:43,339 --> 00:29:46,440
But now I can be friends
with Belle and Sebastian.
678
00:29:46,542 --> 00:29:48,075
I mean, Joel and Sebastian,
679
00:29:48,177 --> 00:29:49,621
because I know what their lives are like
680
00:29:49,645 --> 00:29:51,812
and I... I just know. I just know
681
00:29:51,914 --> 00:29:53,414
because I already am living that
682
00:29:53,516 --> 00:29:55,416
and I... I'm all the things
683
00:29:55,518 --> 00:29:57,551
and I'm taking things to the top!
684
00:29:57,653 --> 00:30:00,487
♪ And you know I'm gonna
make it, baby ♪
685
00:30:00,589 --> 00:30:03,424
And we all know how that turns out.
686
00:30:03,526 --> 00:30:04,925
Oh, my God, Max!
687
00:30:05,027 --> 00:30:07,127
You're gonna die when you see this!
688
00:30:07,229 --> 00:30:08,562
Look at your little butt!
689
00:30:08,664 --> 00:30:10,597
Oh, my God! Look at your little penis!
690
00:30:10,700 --> 00:30:12,099
♪ What we all know ♪
691
00:30:12,201 --> 00:30:14,301
Oh, my God! It wiggled around!
692
00:30:14,403 --> 00:30:15,669
You ruined me!
693
00:30:15,771 --> 00:30:17,738
You'd still be wearing bootcut jeans
694
00:30:17,840 --> 00:30:19,139
if it wasn't for me!
695
00:30:19,241 --> 00:30:20,874
You fucking fag hag!
696
00:30:20,976 --> 00:30:22,943
Aah! Aah! My face!
697
00:30:23,045 --> 00:30:24,645
Goddammit, Max!
698
00:30:24,747 --> 00:30:27,081
My face! My leg!
699
00:30:27,183 --> 00:30:28,449
You fucking cu...
700
00:30:28,551 --> 00:30:32,219
And she's pissed because her daughter
got the same face as her,
701
00:30:32,321 --> 00:30:34,354
only I don't think
she really realizes it,
702
00:30:34,457 --> 00:30:36,290
but on some level, she knows.
703
00:30:36,392 --> 00:30:38,892
She's really resentful about it.
704
00:30:40,863 --> 00:30:43,063
Maybe I'll get that face too.
705
00:30:44,133 --> 00:30:46,200
Oh, my God! Max!
706
00:30:46,302 --> 00:30:47,835
That was funny.
707
00:30:47,937 --> 00:30:49,803
You're doing so good today.
708
00:30:50,973 --> 00:30:52,773
Is it time for another?
709
00:30:52,875 --> 00:30:54,308
Hit me.
710
00:31:06,055 --> 00:31:08,055
Why didn't the doctor give me pills?
711
00:31:08,157 --> 00:31:11,759
'Cause you were on meth, you fuck-tard.
712
00:31:12,762 --> 00:31:13,894
How'd he know?
713
00:31:13,996 --> 00:31:16,363
Well, first of all, you were
acting, like, totally insane.
714
00:31:16,465 --> 00:31:18,365
I also showed him the video.
715
00:31:18,467 --> 00:31:20,434
Oh, my God, hey, oh,
my God, people have lupus!
716
00:31:20,536 --> 00:31:22,347
Isn't that a thing?
It's a thing! It's a thing!
717
00:31:22,371 --> 00:31:23,504
Ha ha, lupus.
718
00:31:23,606 --> 00:31:25,606
Mm.
719
00:31:25,708 --> 00:31:27,268
And can we talk about how lucky you are
720
00:31:27,343 --> 00:31:29,810
that I still had my Percocet
prescription?
721
00:31:33,048 --> 00:31:33,881
Mm.
722
00:31:33,983 --> 00:31:35,716
I'm the luckiest boy in the world.
723
00:31:35,818 --> 00:31:36,950
Hmm.
724
00:31:37,052 --> 00:31:38,418
Yeah.
725
00:31:40,523 --> 00:31:41,822
You are.
726
00:31:46,162 --> 00:31:48,328
Can you braid my hair?
727
00:31:48,698 --> 00:31:53,726
- Synced and corrected by VitoSilans -
-- www.Addic7ed.com --
54387
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