All language subtitles for Family.Weekend.2013

[CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING
ON EARPHONES]

Oh, look... Look at
that girl jump roping.

Okay.

All right.
Come on, stop.

Come on, let'’s do it.
Let'’s do it.No. Oh.

Oh, God! Shit!
Emily...

Oh, my God,
I'’m so sorry.
Are you okay?

Uh-huh.You'’re going to be able
to compete today, right?

Mmm-hmm.

I'’m fine.
Uh

I...
No, really,
it'’s okay.

Okay.See?

Uh...

I was...
I was going to ask you, um,
if I could get an interview

with the school'’s
best jumper?

Uh...

Sure.
I just don'’t know
if I look okay.

You look awesome...

I mean... I mean, great.

Uh... Awesome.

Okay, uh, well, um...
Yeah, are you...
Are you ready?

'’Cause...Yeah.

Could you just
move over a little bit?

Just right there...
Okay.

Just right there.
Right there. Okay.

Emily, um...
Why do you jump?

ALL:
Go, go, fire it up!
Go, go, fire it up!

[ANNOUNCER 1 SPEAKING
INDISTINCTLY OVER MIC]

ANNOUNCER 1:
Judges, ready?
Jumpers, ready?

Set. Go.

ANNOUNCER 2:
Give it up for them,
ladies and gentlemen,

the last group
of double dutch
single freestyle,

watch them work.

ANNOUNCER 2:
Females 15 to 17,
single rope speed,

please report
to your stations.
Thank you.

Hi. And your name is?

Emily Smith-Dungy.Great.

Emily, I'’d like you to
notice the four corners
of this square

and make sure
you stay within
its bounds.

ANNOUNCER 1:
Single rope speed.

Judges, ready?
Jumpers, ready?

Set. Go.

ANNOUNCER 2:
And the runner up
is Tracey Hill!

All right, Tracey!
Good work.

And the winner of
this year'’s Macomb County
regional competition is,

with a staggering
new regional record
of 465 jumps,

that'’s 2.58 jumps
per second, folks...

Miss Emily Smith-Dungy!

Yeah, Emily!

Emily and Tracey
will represent the county
in the state finals,

this Sunday at 10:00 a.m.
and you won'’t want
to miss that, folks.

Give it up
for the ladies.

Whoo!

ANNOUNCER 2: Great job.

ALL: Cheese.

Hey... Hey, Em...
Congrats on today.

Yeah, I thought
you were really...

Thanks, Chris.

Hey, Emily,
great job today.

You'’re awesome.

I know a purse that
thinks it'’s hot shit,

you want to beat
the crap out of it too?

Look,
I don'’t love the idea
of giving you a ride,

but I'’m thinking
maybe it will balance
out the bad karma

for the pack of
Twizzlers I just stole.

Ooh, that disapproving glare
of Emily Smith-Dungy.

Okay, well,
suit yourself.

Wait!

Wait!

Aw.

You know,
it doesn'’t exactly
raise my street cred

to be seen
with a jumptard.

Hey, hey, oh...
Hold on.

I told you,
she is particular.

I can think of several
other adjectives

that are a little bit
more accurate.

Rickety, decrepit,
pathetic.

Bitchy

Oh. Oh, I'’m sorry,
you were talking
about the car.

"F" off.

That is going to sting
all the way home.

LUCINDA: You a cop?

If you ain'’t a cop,

my pimp is going
to fix you up,
bustin'’ in like that.

I'’m not in the mood.

Then what good are ya,

if you don'’t
want to make it,

then let me alone,
so I can get stoned.

Lucy,
what did I tell you
about matches.

It'’s Iris!
Taxi Driver?

Don'’t tell me
you'’ve never seen it.

Classic Scorsese.

It'’s about a mentally
imbalanced Vietnam vet

and a teenage prostitute,
that'’s me.

It'’s a good character.
Shows my range.

Yeah, well,
directors don'’t want to
see 9-year-old prostitutes

when they'’re casting
for Toasty O'’s.

Come on, mister,

you'’re starting
to be a real drag.

Lucy...Are you an Aries?

Lucy.

Pisces make
the best lovers,
you know?

Iris.

Where'’s Dad?

Okay.

EMILY: Dad!

Dad, I need
to talk to you.

Emily,

how many times
have I told you

that when
I am here working,

I am surrounded by
a creative membrane

and nothing comes in,
nothing escapes
creative membrane.

Mmm-hmm.
Membranes are permeable.
What you want is a wall

I don'’t ask for much
from this family.

A simple respect
for my process.

Mmm-hmm.
Where were you at 3:30?

Where was I at 3:30?

In some fantastically
transcended zone.

My body was like a conduit
for higher energy.

I am completing what might
be the most important piece
of my entire career.

No, no, no.

Not yet.
Don'’t... Don't touch it.

I just wanted to see
what was so important
that you couldn'’t...

It'’s not ready
for judgment.

Okay, that'’s great,
but where should you
have been at 3:30?

You sound
like your mother,

consumed with time
and a schedule.

Do not tread that path.

Remember...
Remember,
it'’s what we do,

not when we do it.

It'’s the what
that'’s important.

This is important.

This... This was
important too.

What'’s this?

You didn'’t even read it.

What'’s this, a note?

"Regionals."

Where were you at 3:30?

3:30?Yeah, 3:30.

It usually occurs
between 3:00 and 4:00.

Oh! I was editing
this new piece.

Check it out.

Hello. Welcome.
May I take your order?

Chicken nuggets!

Man has processed
his relationship
with nature

into bite size pieces.
You feel me

No.Hmm.

Maybe I should add
some more nuggets.

Yeah. More nuggets, yeah?
What do you think?

You think it'’s ready
to show Dad?

I don'’t care.

Well, maybe I'’ll hold off
on the nuggets
and see what Dad thinks.

I mean, he always
knows how to cut
through the bullshit

and right to the core
of the piece, you know?

Oh, you know
what you should do?

What

Actually show up
to something
when you say you will.

What the hell?

You look like
a raging homosexual.

I am a raging homosexual.

Mom?

Yeah, uh-huh.
Yeah.

Because it'’s men
21 to 55, that'’s why.

I wanna see power drills,
jack hammers,

nail guns, all that crap
that makes men feel

like they'’re wielding
a substantial tool
for once.

Yes, all men think
like that, Rick.

Mom?Just have it
on my desk Monday.

Yes, sexy drills.

It always comes back
to sex with this demo.Mom?

Don'’t worry
about Hoverman,
he'’ll pitch humor.

He always pitches humor.
I'’m on the phone.

Look, it boils down
to this, Rick.

Do you want to laugh
or do you want to screw?

Did you forget
something today?

That wasn'’t
a proposition, sweetie.

Something important?

Look, I will be VP
by March and I do
play favorites.

What

Maybe something
at a precise time,
at 3:30 post meridian?

Oh, my God.

Oh, my... Oh...

Rick, those G&G mock-ups
were supposed to go to Tokyo
this afternoon at 3:30.

You did?

He did

Oh, you are
a goddamn stallion.

I'’m going to ride you
all the way to the top.

No, let him pitch humor,
I'’d like to see him juggle
his balls in the air.

No!
Are you kidding?

He'’s such a jerk.

He sounds like a horse.

♪ We thank you
for the food

♪ That nourishes our soul

Nobody showed up.

Oh sweetheart
I know, I'’m so sorry.

I desperately tried
to get there,

but Mickey
was having a bad day

and your father
was just...SAMANTHA: GG!

Oh, no.

Oh, my God.

How many times
do I... GG!

Can you stir that
for me, please?

SAMANTHA:
Need to speak with you.

Um, what part
of dry cleaning
do you not understand?

The chemical part.

Dry cleaning releases
toxic chemicals
into our waters...

I don'’t care.
I don'’t care.

This little blouse
cost me $300.

Excuse me, could you
please take this argument
someplace else? Thank you.

Don'’t you raise your voice
to me, sugar plum,
I'’m not your maid.

Oh, I know.
If you were my maid,

I would have
fired you years ago.Sam!

LUCINDA: I'’ll get it!

Oh, your energy
is so negative,

I have to burn sage
every time I come here.

Oh, is that what
that smell is?

'’Cause I thought the forest
came into my office
and took a crap.

It'’s so telling
that you would
object to sage,

the cleaning agent
provided by Mother Earth.

Well, my mother'’s name
is Janice not Earth,

so if you could keep
your flaming shrubs
out of my office,

I'’d deeply
appreciate it!

So, you ever been
to Fillmore?

Uh...

Back before '’70,
it was fantastic.

Me and my girlfriend Anne
used to get stoned out
of our brains

and check out
all the great bands.

You ever see
CCR on LSD?

Janice must be so proud,
the wonderful mother
you'’ve become.

Ma.Are you kidding?
You'’re judging me?

You take that finger
and turn around and
point it right at yourself.

There'’s your legacy.
You proud of that?

I don'’t want her
here anymore...

She takes very good care
of our children.

She feeds them
nice organic
vegetarian meals.

Well, I... I don'’t care.DUNCAN:
Sam, that you'’re not...

SAMANTHA:
I just need it to end.

...willing or prepared
to make!

Take your sage and...

Guess what?
I'’m out of here.

No! Ma, wait!

I'’m leaving.DUNCAN: Ma!

Mama

So, we gonna
do it or what?

Do what?

And scene.Hey.

Hi, Chris.How are you?

Um, okay.

You know, right now is
not a very good time.

Oh, yeah. I can...
Okay.

Well, look, I only came by
because I have the DVD...

...of you at
the quarterfinals,

and I just...Ma!

Wait, Ma!
Ma! Ma!No! No, let me go.

Oh, what do
we have here?

I don'’t want
to be around that
woman ever again.

She'’s the devil.
No!

Oh, hey. Uh...
Yeah, I'’m Chris.

Look, I just...
I just came by

'’cause I wanted
to give this
to Emily, that'’s all.

A gift? Oh, Duncan,
he brought her a gift.

You'’re a good boy.Thanks.

Tell me how long
were you breast fed
as a child?

Mom.Uh...

Were you on the tit
till you were
practically driving?

I'’m sorry.

There'’s nothing
more nutritious
than mother'’s milk.

It'’s nature's
protein shake.

Chris? Yeah.Yeah.

So... You dating
my daughter?

Tell me, are you one
of those A&O guys?

Dad!

Sir?You know,

one of those cool
cats who tell
their girlfriends

that anal and oral
isn'’t real sex

so that they can
protect their virginity.

Okay! Time to go.
Time to go, Dad!

No... What about
condoms

It'’s never too early
start talking about...Oh, God...

EMILY:
That'’s enough, Dad!

You know what
I'’m talking about?

You know what
I'’m talking about?Dad, that'’s enough!

I'’m gonna go, okay.Uh...

Okay. Sounds good.

Yeah, this DVD.
I just wanna...

Okay, just...
Take it, okay.Thanks.

Bye.Okay, bye.

SAMANTHA: Gonna take his
balls and wrap them
around his neck, ha!

Statistically
speaking I think
parents kill more teens

than drugs or even cars.

If we don'’t end up
punching out
our own tickets,

we just suffer through years
of therapy only to realize

that our parents
were completely inept

and that we are now
equally inept parents.

[MAN TALKING INDISTINCTLY
ON PORTABLE DEVICE]

Well I refuse
to partake in this farce.

I should just down
a bottle of Mom'’s
sleeping pills

and get it over with.

Bet they wouldn'’t
even notice, or care.

Do you think
they would?

Most salt water fish
can survive in a tank
filled with human blood.

Mom wouldn'’t.

Maybe Dad,
for a day or so.

At least
Grandma Gale would.

MAN: The animal will
continue to spread
this disease.

In captivity, the scientist
hopes the devils
can be rehabilitated.

But first they must
be tranquilized
and restrained.

JACKSON: Where...
Where the hell
is the food?

LUCINDA: Gotta be here
somewhere, I can smell it.

JACKSON:
Is this a joke?

In here!

What'’s the occasion?

Just trying something
new, come sit.

So not funny,
hold please.

What the f...

Someone kidnapped
my dinner.

Oh, I know that'’s
what I said...

Hang on.
What the...

I don'’t understand.
Lucy, can you
hand me my.

I'’d like to
have some...

We are having dinner,
as a family.

Rick, I'’m going to have
to call you back.

No, it'’s dinner
as a family.

Whoo!

I know, it'’s...
I haven'’t done
it in like...

They'’re staring at me
I'’ve got to go. Bye.

Okay, let'’s go...Do you mind
sitting down first?

Mmm-hmm.

Strange child.

Thank you for
joining us, Dad.

Was I late?

Shouldn'’t I be
sitting here

I'’m hosting this dinner,
please sit down.

Mom, phone.

Just one second.

Mom, phone!

Send.

So, I'’m sure you're
all wondering what
we'’re doing here.

Not at all.

Historically, families
have had meals together.

The mother cooks.

The children gather,
everyone eats and enjoys.

Is the mother the sole
bread winner with Monday
deadlines historically?

I support what
Emily is doing.

Now let'’s all join hands,
and say a little prayer.

What do they say?
"A family that
prays together

"stays together."Mom.

You must be joking.

No, not in the least.

Taxi Driver?Sure as shit.

Fantastic.

Lord Shiva!

Bless this family.

And may your
third eye look down
upon us with love

and kindness.

Amen.GIRLS: Amen.

Since when are we Hindu?

How do we know
which God is the
one true God, hmm?

Just '’cause you're
born in a specific
region of the planet

doesn'’t make
your God better than
someone else'’s.

I say we pray to them all,
just to be fair.

So, as I
was saying...Oh, I have an announcement.

From now on I want
to be called "Thor."

Mmm.Thor?

Like the comic book?

No, the Norse God
of thunder.

I was going to with
Poseidon but Thor
just hits, you know.

Doesn'’t Thor like have
a hammer or something?

Yeah, he does.It totally fits you.

It'’s bad ass.Bad ass, man.

Isn'’t Thor
kind of butch?

No.

We named you after
Jackson Pollock,

one of my early
influences.

Paint splattering hack.

Anyway...DUNCAN: I thought
you liked Pollock?

You found his work sensual.

Sensual!

That was
a long time ago,

paints don'’t really
get me off anymore.

No one needs
to know that, Mom.What does that mean?

Well, do I have
to explain it to you,

it'’s really not
that difficult.

Thor.Does that mean you
don'’t find my work

sensual anymore?Sensual.

Thor.Well, I don'’t know,
what'’s your work look like?

I haven'’t seen one of them
finished in five years.

Yeah, I think
I still like it.

Sensual!Painting is a process.

You can finish
a process.

It'’s not like
baking a pie.

Thor, Thor!

Thor! Ah! Ah! Cramp.

Cramp!Walk it off.

When a horned toad
gets angry, it squirts
blood out of its eyes.

Sensual.

Sensual!

Pop '’em in the oven
and ding, they'’re done.

I'’m done.
I think I'’m done...

The horned toad is
actually a lizard.

...with this whole...Sensual.

...family dinner thing.

What is wrong
with you people?

Can we be normal
one GD day

out my entire GD life?

Hey, what'’s with
all the GDs today?

It means "goddamn."I know what it means.

I competed in
the State Regionals today

and no one showed up.

Oh,
that jump roping thing.

Oh, wow.
Was that today?

I left GD notes around
the entire GD house.

There it is again.That'’s what that yellow
little post-it was.

You both said
you'’d be there.

No, I said I had
a meeting and that
I couldn'’t come.

And if I said I was
gonna come, you know
I'’d be there, baby.

Okay. Mickey?

No, Mickey, don'’t.

No, Mickey.Mickey, don'’t.
Please.

Mickey, no.

Mmm-hmm.

January 15th, 7:32 p.m.
Eastern Standard timeMickey!

Emily, "It'’s at 3:30,
you'’ll be there?"

Dad, "3:30, okay."

Mom, "Yes, yes.
I'’ll be there."

Emily, "Okay
because you missed
the District Finals."

Mom, "I also missed
my 20s pregnant with
you and your brother.

Okay, that'’s enough.

Emily, look, I don'’t
understand what
the big deal is?

Okay, this jumping
rope, what'’s next?

The Olympic
jumping jacks team?

Maybe you can get gold
in the freestyle dorking.

Shut up, Jacks.It'’s Thor.

Shut up. This was
important to me.

Emily, you know
I don'’t approve of
competitive sports.

It teaches people
a value system

where one person
is better than another

just because of their
genetic inheritance,

because of their
physical attributes.

That'’s what Hitler
used to teach.

Sensual.

Are you comparing
jumping rope to
the Holocaust?

No.

No. I'’m just...

I don'’t know
where you get this
competitive spirit.

It must come from
your mother'’s side.

Now,
I think competitive
spirit is good,

and pouring yourself into
something that really
doesn'’t matter is not.

That must come
from your father'’s side.

I forgot the wine.

Are you saying
you'’d like to live
in a world without art?

Without Julian Schnabel,
Franchesco Clemente,

Jean

Warhol, Banksy.

Well, I doubt the world
will spin off its axis.

It just might.

As today'’s winner,

I am now qualified for
the State Championships
this Sunday.

Ooh.

And I would very
much appreciate it

if all of you came.

Nope.I so wish I could

but I have a huge
presentation on Monday.

I'’m sorry, baby, I got
to finish a painting
this weekend.

It'’s what I imagined.

Okay, a toast to
a productive weekend.

Cheers.

Hear, hear.

It'’s not your fault.
It'’s a type of sickness.

Kind of like
the facial cancer
of the Tasmanian devil.

Tasmanian devil,
Emily, I...

I... I don'’t know
what'’s getting into you

but I... I like it.

The cancer
must be stopped.

Are you sure
they'’re even okay?

25 mg of ziposul is
a non-lethal dosage.

Where did
you get zipo...EMILY: Mom'’s cabinet.

Will you hand
me that tape?No way.

When the police ask...
I never saw anything.

Jacks...

I'’m gonna need
your help on this.

I don'’t even
know what this is.

This is our only chance
to do something
about our family.

It didn'’t used
to be like this,
don'’t you remember?

I don'’t even
remember Tuesday.

You used to float
these little paper boats
with Dad in the lake.

Do you remember that?

But how does this
solve anything,

I mean,
do you even have a plan?

I...
I'’m working on one.

Well, you might
have wanted
to start with that.

I'’m sorry, Em,
but there'’s no way
I'’m touching this.

What the hell?

The plan,
take a look and
meet me downstairs.

You'’re such a hooker.

Is that bacon?

I made plenty.
Come sit down.

Did you look
at section 3C?

Not really.

The blue tab.

A gripping documentary.

It'’s a once
in a lifetime
opportunity

but if the subject
matter is too raw
for you...

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
I live raw.

"Resourceful young girl
tries to save her
family from..."

No,
it'’s a psychological
thriller.

We go inside
the twisted mind
of the psychotic teen.

I don'’t know
if she'’s psychotic.

Oh,
she'’s completely nuts.

We see her in a rage,
her sad sexual repression.

Sexual?I'’m going to
make this film.

The world must know
what happened here.

Jacks?

My name is Thor.

JACKSON: And action.

You'’re documenting
but I'’m in charge
or the deal is off.

Fine.
What'’s going on?

JACKSON: Em kidnapped
Mom and Dad and
I'’m making a movie of it.

Yeah!

A movie?

Yeah.A movie! Okay.

It'’s not a kidnapping,
it'’s a rehabilitation.

JACKSON: Oh, real cutting
edge avant-garde stuff.

Psycho daughter
drugs her parents...

Godard meets
Michael Moore.

Lucy,
there'’s a really big role
in this movie for you,

but no matter what
Mom or Dad say,
I'’m the director.

Please.

I'’m a professional.

Great.

EMILY: All right,
everyone get ready.

Okay, here we go.

Ah!

JACKSON:
Yeah, def, it'’s good.

Why am I tied up?

Are we being robbed?
Is there an intruder?

Why am I taped?

This is what happens
when johns try
to skip out,

without paying
for the pudding.

SAMANTHA: Lucy,
a little help please?

Sorry, pal,
no can do.

Lucinda stop
messing around.

Jackson, put down
that camera.

Thor.If this is a joke,

I don'’t think
it'’s very funny.EMILY: This is not a joke.

What'’s that smell?I did this.

Huh

Since you'’re not
willing or capable
of doing it on your own,

I have made it
my mission
to make this...

...thing you call
a family, actually
resemble a family again.

Lucy...I don'’t under...

DUNCAN: Is that
a tofu sausage?

No, it'’s not.
It'’s pig and like
a normal family,

we started our morning
with a well balanced
breakfast.

It comes from
a living thing.

You don'’t want
to eat an animal
with a face do you?

LUCINDA: Mmm!Yes, she does. Faces,
shoulders, all of that.

Dad, we'’re part
of the food chain,

the top part.

Is this about meat?No, it'’s about
being normal.

You do realize
the irony
of that statement.

Extreme circumstances
require extreme
measures, Mom.

Oh, you want
to see extreme?
I'’ll show you extreme.

I'’ll show you
extreme right up
those stairs.

All right, all right.
All right! Calm down!

Shit.

I actually think
there might be
some merit

to what Emily
is trying to do.

What

All right, I know
I should be angry,

but it kind of reminds
me of something I...

...might have done
when I was her age.

EMILY: This is exactly
what I'’m talking about.

You have no idea
when to give me
parental support

and when to not.

This is a perfect
example of a not.

Emily, this is asinine.

I really thought
you were much
smarter than this.

And you, Thor,
just because this
was your sister'’s idea,

doesn'’t mean
you'’re off the hook.

Please don'’t
look directly
into the camera.

Really? Wow, I...

Mom,
we are so beyond
your guilt trips.

How about being
grounded until
you'’re 18?

How about that?

Fine, if that means
you'’ll be normal parents.

Normal

We are galaxies
away from normal.

And at this very moment,
the punishment will be
commensurate with the crime.

I'’m talking
severe lock down.

No friends,
no extracurriculars,

and certainly no
competitive jump.

DUNCAN: Well,
that'’s a little extreme.Okay, Duncan...

Everything
you'’ve worked for,
down the drain.

It'’d be such a shame.

Or I can make you
a one-time offer only.

I can'’t believe
I'’m saying this,
crazy.

It'’s crazy.

You untie me...
Us right now,

and I mean right
this very minute.
I'’ll forget everything.

No grounding
no yelling,
just carry on.

Duncan!

That sounds reasonable.As if it never happened.

You... You promise?

Yes, yes, we...
We promise.

Don'’t we,
sweetheart?

JACKSON:
Oh, this is good.

No.

No.

I don'’t want to carry on
like this never happened.

Because that'’s
how we got here.

EMILY: First,
to illustrate both of your
glaring deficiencies

as parents, the facts.

Please feel free to follow
along in your packets.

As you can see
in chart 1A,

attendance of children'’s
events has declined
from its peak of 65%

to its current
flat line of 2%.

In pie chart 3B...Em, this is
very left brain.

...you can notice
that the portion
labeled "quality time"

is a very thin line
between watching movies
and self-absorption.

I haven'’t seen a movie
in three years and
he'’s the one at home.

So, if I could
be released

that would be amazing.Mother, I will
get out the tape.

Tape?

Mmm-hmm.

Lucy, can you get
Mommy'’s BlackBerry.

Lucy, get the tape.

EMILY: Let'’s take
a look at graph 8B

Strange that your still
attempting to talk.

Susan!

Jackson, I got Mom,
do something with Dad.

JACKSON: What do you
want me to do? I'’m filming.

Dad... Jackson,
stop filming or...

JACKSON:
Oh, this is good.

Help me...Yes, yes.

LUCINDA: Calm down, Dad.

JACKSON: No way...

[KOREAN SONG PLAYING
ON HEADPHONES]

Lucy, do something.

This is what happens
when white people have
too much money.

DUNCAN:
I won'’t tell anybody,

I won'’t tell anybody.
Just untie me.

Lucy!

Lucy!

Stay put.

Get me out of here.
Emily, now.

Shh. Quiet.

Oh!

Shh.

Mom!

Does it hurt?

You didn'’t give me
much of a choice.

DUNCAN: Ah! Susan!

LUCINDA: Yo, Susan!

JACKSON: And action. No!

No!You'’re gonna tell me
about the set up?

I'’ll cut off your
friggin'’ ear, man.

You'’re gonna die...What?

...like the scum pig
that you are.

Okay, shut up.

Don'’t! Stop!

Hello.

Anybody there?That'’s it! No more!

I have my own
problems to deal with.

Two daughters
that dress like strippers!

A son that kills zombies
on his computer
all day long...

DUNCAN: No!

My name is Siu Jin.
Not Susan!

Later, Susan.

And scene.

Oh. Hey, Kat, what'’s up?

Now work today?Your mom'’s getting away.

Reservoir Dogs?

How do I look?

Yeah, you left this incredibly
modest symbol of achievement
in my car.

Look, Kat. I know things
have been, you know,
between us.

But you can'’t tell any one.
Not yet.

JACKSON: Hmm.

Yeah, but see.

Narking on you
would catapult me

into a serious lead in our
little neighborhood rivalry.

So, my dear,
you have two choices.

Behind door number one,
we have me dialing 911

as you chase me
around the house
until the police arrive.

You probably wouldn'’t like
being incarcerated.

And as you know,
cardio makes my cooch itch.

So that'’s a lose-lose.

But behind door number two,

we have a simple symbiotic
transaction.

I believe the going rate for
allowing my arch enemy

to get away with
a major felony is...

50 bucks
and a first-row seat.

You'’re blackmailing me?

No. No, I'’m just bored.

And I just wanna be here

when the whole thing goes
shit circus.

MICKEY: Em!
Dad needs to pee again!

Hmm.

You should probably
handle that.

Oh! I'’m not doing that again.

Ah. Come on, Dad. We got this.
You'’re like a beached whale.

The sooner you cooperate,
the sooner this is over.

Emily, come here!

Listen.

The key to
a successful revolution

is controlled chaos.

Now you'’re letting
this kid too lose.

Susan. So lose
he tried to cut my ear off.

And now, Kat is involved.

Just...Emily.

Kidnapping is
a first degree felony.

Yeah.

And I will prosecute,
that means jail time

and a permanent scar
on your record.

So unless you want a diploma
from the state penitentiary...

DUNCAN: Well, actually...

you can get
a pretty good degree
in a state penitentiary.

Oh.A friend of mine...

Mom. Dad. Focus.

Why don'’t we go to
the big board, shall we?

Now, I'’m going to ask you some
multiple choice questions,

and you'’re gonna
give me answers.

Correct answers
will be rewarded.

Like a game show.

Oh, don'’t encourage her.

Incorrect answers
will be punished.

Japanese game show. Nice.

When a male friend
of your 16-year-old daughter
comes over,

appropriate topics
of conversation are...

A, weather. B, sports.

C, school. D.

Anal sex.

I was just trying to learn
something about your friend.

Please answer the question.

Safe sex is never
an inappropriate conversation.

Wrong! A through C
are appropriate topics.

Never, ever, ever, ever D.

Young people have questions
about intercourse.

All kinds of intercourse.

Animal intercourse.

Same sex intercourse.

Different sex intercourse.

Stop saying intercourse.

Emily, clearly you have some
issues with inter...

Sex.

Wha... Wha...

Why are you ripping my skirt
when he screwed up?

It'’s a team game.
You'’re partners.

That'’s Prada.

Now it'’s nada.

The acceptable age for a child
to use profanity is...

Depending upon the situation.

Wrong. It is never appropriate
for a child to use profanity,

especially not
9-year-old girls.

DUNCAN: Lucy'’s just playing
make believe.

Yeah.EMILY: She was dressed
like a GD prostitute.

DUNCAN:
You'’re not being impartial.

Let'’s let Kat be the judge.
Kat.

Kat agrees.

Yeah, I don'’t know.
He has a point,
everyone swears.

No. I don'’t.

Really?

Sure just not being
a GDMFing hypocrite?

SAMANTHA:
Can'’t believe I'm saying this,

but I'’m really glad
you'’re bringing this up, Emily.

Your father here doesn'’t
understand the appropriate...

Mom, I wouldn'’t say that
appropriate is your
strong suit.

Excuse me?

Mickey. Tuesday. Sevenish.

Something about... Nailing.

January 8th. 7:15 PM.
Man, "Don'’t worry,
I'’ll nail it."

Mom, "You nail the copy
and you can nail whatever
you want this weekend."

That was taken completely
out of context.

Oh, really,
should we hear the rest?

Yeah.No.

Fine.

Ugh. Don'’t use your brother
as a dictation machine.

We'’re wrong again.

No!Emily...

That was one
of my early masterpieces.

Pfft.

That is a natural plant
that grows freely
on this Earth.

Mm-hmm.
It'’s an illegal substance

and a horrible example
for your children.

If you'’re worried about your
brother'’s pot experimentation,

you can relax.

Thor is a very well adjusted
young man.

Oh, yeah? Do well adjusted
young men pretend to be gay?

What?

She'’s just kidding.

Is this true?

No. Dad, I'’m totally gay.
She'’s just messing around.

No, I'’m not.

This is so crazy,
I'’m so queer.

Thor...

it'’s all right
if you'’re not gay.

Dad, I like dudes.

He thinks people will think
he'’s more artsy if he's gay.

I... I love dudes.
Love '’em.

He doesn'’t even have
a boyfriend.

It'’s 'cause good men are hard
to find. Everybody knows that.

Ugh, amen.

He has straight porn mags
in his room.

They'’re so gross.

Straight porn?
Boobs and everything?

No, boobs are so nasty.

I could'’ve told you years ago
he wasn'’t gay.

You over accessorize.

No, I don'’t.

It'’s okay.

You know what? Screw this.

Thor!

Ah...

Lucy, watch them.

MICKEY:
Until the age of three,

all male walruses engage in
homosexual relationships.

Lucy, come let mommy out.

Jacks

I'’m sorry.

I didn'’t mean to out you or...
In you or whatever.

But you have to admit,
it'’s kind of weird
pretending to be gay.

Hello?

I had one thing
that made me interesting.

One thing that
made him notice me.

You couldn'’t let me
have that, could you?

I'’m sorry.

I'’m really sorry,
I didn'’t know.

Duncan, we need
a new approach.

Just agree with
everything I say.

I can'’t believe
Thor'’s not gay.

With you going on
and on about Warhol
all the time,

I'’m surprised
he hasn'’t dyed
his hair white.

Oh, so this
is my fault?

Yes, of course it is,
you'’re the one
who'’s here all the time.

A son pretending to
be gay is something

that usually
the primary care parent
would pick up on.

A primary care
parent implies

that there'’s some kind
of secondary care parent.

And we both know
that'’s not the case,
don'’t we?

Emily, hi.

He'’s a little upset
but he'’ll come around.

Yes, he will, um...
Your father and I have
been talking, and...

We need a new approach.

We are starting
to see some of
your frustrations.

Yes.Yes, thank you,
Duncan.

I know that
this sounds crazy,

but I do think...
We both think that...

...we could do
a better job at...

...parenting this family.

Together,
as partners.

Yes.

Right.
I'’m not that stupid.

Mmm.

Thank you, honey,
I'’d drink more but
I'’d just have to pee again.

Emily, darling,
you'’re right.

I think it'’s time
that we work on
some of this stuff.

I... I don'’t
know what to do
or what to say,

but I do think
it'’s time to lose
the ropes

and work this out
as a family.

You would really
listen to me?

Yeah.

Lucy, duct tape!

Mickey, gag!

RICK: Hello?Hello!

Hello?Hello!

I can'’t find it.
Where did you put it?

SAMANTHA:
Please help us.

Help!

Mickey, go get the door.
Go get the door.Mmm-mmm.

RICK: Did you say
you need help in there?

SAMANTHA:
We'’ve been taken hostage.What the "F"?

Jackson, stop!

And action.

RICK: I'’m coming in.

Everybody hide!

Yes!
Now we have a movie.

SAMANTHA:
Kick the door down.
Just kick it in!

I found the tape!Help!

Lucy.

It'’s too late!
Just hide!

SAMANTHA: Hurry up,
and get in here!

Stop.

If it'’s the cops,
I got something
for '’em.

God, you'’re a
freaking amateur.

Thor!

Stop taping.

Hello?Yes! Me! Come!

SAMANTHA: Hello?

RICK: I'’m warning you,
I know Taekwondo.

Rick?

RickRick?

Is this why
you didn'’t show up
to our meeting?

Yes! Come here.

Your text message
did say you wanted
to close the deal.

Wow. Kinky.

Ooh. No, Rick.
Come here, untie me.

Just so you know,
I'’m not super
into bondage.

Maybe a little
role-playing
here and there,

plushies
master slave stuff.

Rick, now!

Who'’s the dude?

Who am I?
Who the hell are you?

I'’m Rick.
Who are you?

I live here.
This is my wife.

I thought you said
your husband was dead?

You said I was dead?No, I meant it
metaphorically.

What

Just come here
and untie us!

Please!

Why are you telling
people I'’m dead

Just so you know,
I'’m not super into dudes.

Wait a second.

Are you sleeping
with this guy

I don'’t think
she had much sleeping
in mind, bro.

Whoa! Yes.

KAT:
Whoa! Some blow!

Dude! Yeah!

Good job, Emily.Emily...

Lucy, um, I need you to
take Mickey up to his room
and hang out for a bit.

No way!
This is hardcore.

Now, Lucy, now.

Come on, Mickey.

Emily.

Okay.

Tape.

Um...
Sorry.

Shut up, Mom.
I have everything
under control.

Thor, get that
out of my face.

Can someone please
give me a hand?

No way.
You'’re Psycho Sauce.

I'’m more
of a star witness
than a co-defendant.

It'’s fine.Emily,
listen to Mom.

We need to consider
what you'’re doing now.

Oh, my "G".

I would go with
"Oh, my FG."

Please tell me
you'’re getting all this.

Rolling.KAT: Awesome.

How was I supposed
to know that he would
show up?

You couldn'’t
plan for this.

I just reacted
to the situation.

Rick!
Rick, are you okay?

RICK: Yeah.

What the hell!
Why am I tied up?

Because our daughter Emily
is a bit dissatisfied

with our
parenting style.What?

Dissatisfied?
Are you kidding me?

Sam?
Are you sleeping
with this guy?

Oh, God!
Would that bother you?

Would that pierce
your membrane?

RICK: Sami, someone...Be quiet!

Somebody needs
to untie me right now.

Rick,
do I look like I have
a say in the matter?

Is that what
this is about?
My membrane?

Not now, Duncan.Okay.

Clearly, you guys
are dealing with some
sort of family issues.

Uh, Emily?

It'’s Emily, right?Yeah. Anyway...

Look, I know being
a kid is tough.

I know that'’s
gotta be hard,

especially with
a mom like Sam.

You should have seen
her last week at work,
she made Hoverman cry.

Hoverman'’s a wussy.Will you shut up?

Yeah.

Look, you seem like
you got a good head
on your shoulders.

Kind of illegal.
A little bit.

Is this really worth
40 years in jail?

It wouldn'’t be 40 years.

Can'’t believe
you'’re sleeping
with this guy.

This guy headed
multinational campaigns

for six Fortune 500
companies last year,
asshole.

One more and I would
have been impressed.

Oh, shut up, both of you.
Emily?

Follow your goals.

Listen to me,
Little Miss Sunshine,

if you don'’t
let me go right now,

and I mean
right this second,

I will make your
life a living hell.

Do you understand?

This is serious right here.
This is a serious crime.

You know,
adultery is a crime.Yeah!

Well,
actually, it'’s not.

Uh, yeah, it is,
for a family.

I don'’t care
about family!

How did you learn how
to tie a knot like this?

Sam, how do you think
you can possibly run
a 300-person company

when you can'’t
even control your
own teenage girl?

Will you be quiet?

Pathetic, misguided,
psychopathic, bug-eyed,
52 pound freak.

Hey!That'’s my daughter
you'’re talking to.

I told you
to be quiet.Emily! Emily!

Hit him!Emily! Emily.

No. No.

Mom, I warned him.

All right!
Give him a hit.

No, no, no.
I'’ll be good.
I'’ll be good.

Well, that was
unfortunate timing.

Oh! Oh, hey, Em.Hey.

Something wrong,
or...

Uh, no.
Everything'’s great.
What'’s up?

Uh, nothing.
Nothing much.

Okay. Uh, well,
I'’m kind of busy
right now.

Uh, yeah, that'’s fine.
I just came by because
I wanted to ask you

if you watched
the DVD I made for you?

Actually,
I was just about
to go do that. So...

Okay.
So what did
you think then?

But I haven'’t
watched it yet.

Right.

Right.
You said that.Mmm-hmm.

Uh...

Um...

Okay.
Well, I'’m gonna go.

I'’m gonna go
watch the DVD.Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, that'’s cool.
Okay, great.

All right.
Let me know.
Uh, cool.

Oh, hey, Em,
what are you...
What are you holding?

Is that like a giant
wooden penis?

Yep. Yes, it is.

Uh-huh.
Great! Bye!I'’ll see you.

JACKSON: Nice one, Em.
Now he knows where
he measures up.

Get that thing
out of my face.

That was our deal.
You go psycho,
I make the movie.

This isn'’t a movie,
Jacks.

This is our family.

Oh, my "G".
Oh, my "G".

Oh, my "G".
Oh, my F'’ing "G".

So freakin'’ rad.
I should have
paid you $50.

Oh my "G".

Kat, give me
your phone.

What?

Give me your
phone, Kat.

Now.Stop...

Hey, it'’s Em.

I'’m gonna
need your help.

Well...

I must admit,

I'’ve wanted to do
something like this
for ages.

Now this must be...LUCINDA: Rick.

Mom'’s boyfriend.

Right.

GG: Let'’s put him
somewhere a man like
him belongs, shall we?

JACKSON:
Sorry, Rickels.

Shut up.

GG: Now, when
I sound the chime,

I want you to picture
your clouded mind

clearing into
a crisp white expanse.

Here we go.

Hello.
My name is Tina.

I'’m here to turn you
from sad froggies

into happy froggies.

In my practice
we use puppets.
Get your puppets.

We use the puppets
to detach us

from the emotional anchors
that drag us down.

That way our feelings
can surface

and our authentic self
can breathe.

Perfect. Puppets.
It'’s a perfect time
for puppets.

GG: All right,
are we ready
to share?

Who wants to go first?

Me, me, me!Oh, I do! I do!

No.

We kidnapped Mom and Dad.

GG: How does that
make you feel?

Um, it'’s fun,
and scary.

GG: Why is it scary?

Because it'’s making
everybody a little crazy,

and say mean things...

...even more than usual.

Hmm, thank you
for sharing, Wanda.

That'’s excellent.

Libby?

Hmm...

Ah... I just...

Well, I just want my family

to care about
each other.

GG: What about you?

Do you think
about others?

Well, I...SAMANTHA:
We'’re all here right now

because we didn'’t
go to your jump roping
competition.

We just couldn'’t
make it, that'’s it.

We could have made it.

Maybe if we tried harder.

GG: It'’s great, Jackson.

It'’s Thor now.

Like the Norse God.

Yes! Finally! Thank you.

GG: Oh, that'’s good.

Timsy?

Timsy...

...wants his family
to know that...

...he loves them
very much.

And he knows
that he makes
a lot of mistakes.

Everybody makes
mistakes, Timsy.

But he'’s doing
the best he can.

I don'’t like the membrane.

The membrane
is your father'’s
protective shield.

I don'’t like
the membrane.

What?

I don'’t like
the membrane

GG: What else don'’t
you like, Mickey?

I don'’t like
loud talking,

I don'’t like the man
in the other room,

and...

I don'’t like casserole.

GG: That'’s fine.

Do you have anything else
that you want to say?

And, I like bacon.

Yeah.

I suppose I can make
the membrane a little
more permeable.

Thanks, Dad.

Thanks.

But I don'’t know
about the bacon.

GG: Mimsy?

Your family has opened up.
Would you like to share
with us?

No.

Come on, Mom.

Come on, Mimsy.

Yeah, come on, Mimsy.

No, no, I'’m good.

ALL: Come on, come on, Mimsy.Don'’t ignore this
healing opportunity, Mimsy.

ALL:
Mimsy! Mimsy!This is insane.

Mom, it'’s not very hard.

Why is it insane?It'’s insane because
you'’re a crazy person.

It'’s fun.Let Mimsy speak.

I'’m doing it.

I want to hear what
Mimsy has to say.

Mimsy thinks that you
should take your sage

and shove it where
your spirit guides
don'’t shine.

Mom!

Just try. Please.

I try, okay?

I try every
single day,
Emily.

And I'’m sorry if we're
not the freaking parents
of the year,

but my apologies
to the selection
committee.

But here'’s a news flash,

there are no parents
of the year.

No one comes
to give me trophies,

nobody comes
to watch me compete.

And if you think
tying me up
and drugging me

and spraying
air freshener
in my face

are gonna make
our family closer,

then you were right, Emily,
we really have failed
in raising you, honey.

And it'’s much worse
than you think.

Thank you.

Emily...

I speak the truth.

When did everything
get so strange?

She'’s your daughter.

No.

You.Me?

Where do I even start?

What happened to that
wild chick I married?

She wasn'’t afraid
of anything, she...

She'’d dine and dash,
she ate popcorn with
butter flavored topping.

She was gonna open
a vegan restaurant.

Can we not do
this right now?

She was gonna cook veggies,
and I was gonna paint.

She was fun.

Sense of humor.

She was beautiful.

Was?

We were gonna do
anything we wanted.

Screw the rest
of the world.

Well, she grew up,
Duncan.

Do you really think
we knew who we were
back then?

I think we knew
how to be happy.

Well, sometimes life isn'’t
happy, sometimes you do
what you have to do,

instead of what
you want to do.

I do want I want to do.

Oh, I know exactly.
Duncan does whatever
Duncan wants to do.

If he wants to paint,
he paints, if he wants to
sit there, he sits there.

While I keep this
family fed and clothed,

and I work my butt off,
have you noticed?

I don'’t paint
because I want to paint.

I paint because
I have to.

Stop talking.

DUNCAN:
What are you trying
to say

Let'’s stop beating
around the bush,

let'’s just put all
our cards on the table.

SAMANTHA: Okay.

Okay, you want
me to say it?

Yeah, I want
you to say it.Okay. Okay.

Okay, here it goes.

You'’re stuck.

You got a bad review
in New York five years ago,
and you'’re stuck.

Three and a half.

What?It was a three
and a half years ago.

Whatever, you'’re stuck,
you have...

...painters block,
or something.

It takes time to make
something beautiful, Sam.

It took nine months
to make each one of our
beautiful children.

Oh, I know,
I was there,
I remember.

Duncan, I'’m sorry I just
can'’t continue this way.

I can'’t do this anymore.

I just can'’t.DUNCAN: What do you
mean you can'’t do this?

Marriage is
a partnership,
Duncan,

and right now,
you'’re a lousy partner.
I just...

Okay.

I love your talent,
Duncan.

I fell in love
with your talent.

Really?Sometimes, it just...

It'’s not enough.

You could have taken
that graphic design job
I got for you,

I stuck my neck
out for you

and you just blew it off,
Duncan style. Perfect.

I can'’t paint logos.

Here we go.

DUNCAN:
This is who I am, Sam.

For better, for worse.

This is who you married.

You want me to be
someone else?

I never asked you to be
someone else, Duncan.

Are you asking me now?

I don'’t know.

Good night, Mr. Toad.

And good night to you.

Well...
Would you look at that.

Oh...

You should probably
let them go soon.

Go away.

It'’s Kat.Great,
then go further away.

So that'’s it?

After all that.

Just gonna quit
and go back
to the way it was?

Yeah.
And why do you care?

We'’re not even friends
anymore, remember?

I just think
it'’s a waste.

Well, in case,
you haven'’t noticed,

it'’s been a total disaster.

I can think of several
other adjectives
that might apply.

Awesome, brave...

I think
it'’s totally ballsy.

You'’re kinda
my new freaking hero.

That is why you cannot
give up, I mean, not yet.

But you gotta chillax
a little, I mean, maybe
you didn'’t notice earlier

but in-between
head butts with
your mom

was like a real
breakthrough
with your dad.

Yeah, I guess.

More than my mom,
she'’s so like...Much like you?

Yeah, I noticed.

That may not seem like
a compliment to you,
but it is.

I mean, come on,
your mom is
intense, smart,

she'’s kind of hardcore.

Parents are people, too.

Which means sometimes
they suck big hairy ass
with like...

Okay, ew!
Okay, point made.

Kids grow up
thinking their parents
are like perfect...

They feed you
and protect you

and they'’re supposed
to have all the answers.

You end up thinking
they'’re like super heroes
or something.

But then, one day,
you...

You find out they just
worked at the Daily Planet.

Thanks.

Hey.

I'’m sorry
I sprayed you in the face
with air freshener.

Are you gonna
say anything?

What do you
want me to say?

Something nice.

I'’d love to,
I'’ve been bound
and tied,

and we are going on hour,
God knows what.

So, I don'’t know why
I would say something nice.

Because I don'’t remember
the last time you did.

I know what I did
was really messed up.

Yes.

And I know
I'’m in a lot
of trouble.

Yes.

But, I'’d do it
all over again,

if I'’d thought
that it would help.

I'’m not crazy.

I'’m not.

I just...
I miss the way
it used to be.

Do you remember

when I was little

and there'’d be
like a thunderstorm
or something.

Or like a really mean boy
at school and I would get
so upset...

And I would just run
in my room and hide.

And you'’d come in...

...and you'’d lay down
next to me,

and you would wrap
your arms around me
and you'’d sing.

I miss her.

I really need her.

Hmm...

Anyway...

If you wanna escape,

you can.

But you'’re gonna have
to do it together.

As for me, I have
a competition to go win.

Hey.

Oh, my God.

You painted us.

Look at us.

We'’re beautiful.

Duncan...

Hand me the knife.

I'’m sorry,
that'’s it, got it.

Oh...
Oh, my God.

I can'’t do it.Give it to me.

Okay, here.

Help.Well...

Maybe just
a little bit longer.

If you could see
yourself right now.

[INDISTINCT SHOUTING
IN DISTANCE]

WOMAN:
Emily Smith

Sergeant Ellis
and Deputy Tyler,

Macomb County
Sheriff'’s Department.

Mmm-hmm.

ELLIS:
Are your parents'’ around?

Um, I'’m kind
of in a hurry,

could you maybe
come back later?

I'’m afraid not.

We'’ve received
several reports

that there may
be a potentially
criminal situation,

taking place here
in your home.

Uh, here?
No, there'’s no
criminal nothing.

Well,
maybe you'’ve
heard about

some videos that
have been posted
on the Internet?

GIRL: Hey, Emily!

Smile!ELLIS: I think
we saw some people

tied up in jump rope
and tape.

Mmm-hmm.
Yeah, jump rope.

No, that'’s crazy.

May we enter
the premises,
please?

Can I say no?

Actually
you can say no.

I'’m sorry,
I'’m just...

But then we'’d be
forced to come back
with a warrant.

I have a really important
competition to be at
in less than one hour.

Okay, well, you may
have to be a little late.

But it'’s the States!

I can'’t be late.

We just want to ask
a couple questions,
come inside...

What? No...

Step aside, ma'’am.
Step aside, ma'’am.

Who else is on
the premises?

EMILY: Uh...

Just my sister
and my two brothers.

Who'’s at the door,
honey?

Oh, good morning,
Officers.

And my parents!

Duncan, we have
some police officers
at the door.

What a surprise!

Yeah, we were
just getting ready

for our usual
Sunday brunch.

Come on, kids.
Get up, sleepy heads,
brunch time!

Jump rope.Yeah, it'’s fun.

Athletic guy?Yeah.

I'’m a maniac.Oh, he is.

So we got the entire
family on the premises?

SAMANTHA:
Yes, uh-huh.

Yes.

Oh... Thank you.

Do you have a knife
anywhere maybe
that we can use

to cut these
little ropes free?

No.
No, not a good idea?

Okay, you like money?

I'’ll give you 100 bucks
to get me some aspirin,

'’cause my head
and my shoulder
are killing me.

Yeah, okay, okay.
Okay, you freak.

Yesterday afternoon,
we got a few calls

from some very
concerned parents,

after they found
some disturbing texts

on their kids'’
cell phones.

Yeah, yep, then we saw
some videos posted
on the Internet

by someone
named "Cataclysm."

ELLIS: We saw some
pretty serious offenses
in those videos.

Oh! No, not us.

Aggravated assault,
drugs, and kidnapping.

Holy crap.[BOTH CHUCKLE
NERVOUSLY]

Hey, buddy.

Ah!

Oh, my man.
My man, thank you.

Wait, I said 100. Hey!

Well, right now,
we just need
an explanation.

Uh...

School project.

School project,
that'’s what it was.

Yeah, we were making
a public service
announcement.

Yeah, we may have
made it too realistic.

You guys.

You can'’t teach
talent...

Emily, have you
watched my DVD yet?

Okay, now who is this guy?I need to know
if you watched it.

Chris, it'’s really not
a good time right now.

But it'’s never
a good time
in this house,

and I made you a second
copy, in case you lost
the first one,

and I just
really want you...

Chris, the boyfriend.

Okay.Chris...

The DVD, we were
just gonna watch it.

Sir, if we could
just finish a few
questions first...

Yes, but you won'’t
wanna miss this,
its competitive jump.

ELLIS: Yeah,
but we need to finish up
a few questions first.

Chris,
come on in,
join us.

Uh, listen, we don'’t
really need to watch
this right now.

JACKSON: Yeah, we do!

Yeah, exciting!

ANNOUNCER:
Emily Smith-Dungy!

♪ And I...
I see you jumping there

So sweet! ♪ Your rope cutting
through the air

♪ Your light shining
everywhere

♪ And I

♪ I wish that
you were mine

He likes you, honey.

Yeah...Chris, can you please
put the camera down?

CHRIS:
Yeah, sorry, sorry, ma'’am.

♪ You and me side by side

♪ So please...

It'’s just stupid,
you know,

it'’s just for her,
it wasn'’t meant for
everyone to see, that'’s all.

Yeah, we'’re going to
get going now, folks.

Yeah and we better
get going, too.

Okay.

Officers, thank you
so much for coming.

Uh, Chris...

I'’ll watch the rest
later, okay?Okay.

See you, buddy.

DUNCAN: My wife and I are...
We are great donators to the
police benevolent fund.

ELLIS: All right,
that'’s good.

We give every year.
Thank you very much.That'’s good.

RICK: Officers!

Officers, I got something
very important I gotta
tell you.

Well, thank you
very much.No, no.

Sir, who are you?

Last week I drove
into a parked car
and just drove off.

Sir?I just drove...
...right off.

Regularly drink and drive.

Oh, my God, sir!

I haven'’t paid
for cable ever.

Who is this man?

Uh, he works for me.

Okay, why didn'’t
you tell us about
him before?

He has, uh,
special needs.

Yeah, he'’s a...
He'’s a special needs
cousin of ours.

Special.Duncan...

Duncan, brother,
I'’m so sorry that
I tried to bang your wife.

What?No.

No, he didn'’t bang,
there was no banging.

You mean,
so you guys never...

He did not bang.

They never banged.

So sorry...
Here, give me a hug,
brother. Give me a hug.

DUNCAN: Uh-huh.
No, no, no, no.

No. Oh.

Oh, that feels so good.ELLIS: Sir, are you
feeling all right?

Yeah, you'’re touching me
with your man parts.

I need to hug more often.
I could just hug you
for hours.

DUNCAN:
Yeah, thank you.

I don'’t even care
that your daughter
hit me over the head

with a trophy,
and put me
in a snake cage...

Oh, you big kidder, you.
Get out of here.

Hey, now,
hold the phone there.

Silly kidder.Okay, sir.

Can you repeat that?

Yeah...

ELLIS: Sir?Mmm...

Did this young lady
assault you?

Rick, please.Quiet, ma'’am.

TYLER: Sir, we'’re talking
about a felony charge.

[TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING
ON CELL PHONE]

Yeah...

It'’s my cell phone...

Sir

Ooh, that'’s the stuff.

That'’s the stuff
right there.
Yeah, yeah.

Sir, please.Russian Tea Room.

Sir?Yeah.

Sir...You know, how much ass
I get from this move.

I am ordering you
to stop dancing.Tic-tac! Tic-tac!

Go ahead, shoot.

TYLER: Sir!

Who killed the beat?

Sorry, dude.

Take care of him.

Ma'’am...

I need an explanation.

Whoa, whoa! I need
an explanation from her!

Folks!

I'’m going to take
this gentleman to jail
if he does not stop...

Okay,
I can'’t hear everyone...

I'’m flying!

Sir!

Sir!

Ma'’am.

I just wanted them
to see me jump.

ELLIS: Ma'’am,
I understand that.

But that'’s really not
a good enough explanation

for what'’s happening
here today.

Oh, no.

Sir, excuse me

What are you doing?

I'’m smoking pot.

Put that down. Sir!

Smoke pot, smoke pot.Uh, excuse me...

Everybody, smoke!No, you cannot do that.

Sir! Sir!

Revolution!

No revolution!
Listen to me.
Sir, stop!

Smoke pot, smoke pot!
Everybody, smoke pot.
Smoke!

Are you ready?

All right, good.
Grab your bag.

It'’s got everything
you need in there, right?Mmm-hmm.

Kats gonna take you?Mmm-hmm.

Okay, well, good luck.
Love you.

I command you
to stop! Sir!

Oh, wait, wait.
I'’m coming with,
I'’m coming with.

I'’m going
to arrest you, sir.

I'’m going
to arrest you.

Holy F'’ing "S"!

Revolution!Revolution!

Whoo!

ELLIS: This is
getting ridiculous.

Never had
to deal with this...

I want to press charges
on that psycho girl.

We will apprehend her.

Sir, I need you
to settle down.No!

ANNOUNCER:
Ready, set, go!

Well, get going,
you'’re late.

I drugged,
and then tied up
my parents.

Everybody knows.

1,500 hits
in three hours.
You'’re famous.

More like infamous.

Everyone'’s gonna
think I'’m a freak.

Well, did you think
you were normal before?

I mean, you spend
your lunch break
jumping rope.

Well,
look at this way,

now, you are
the queen freak,

from like a seriously
royal freak bloodline.

They will bow
and tremble in your
super freaky presence.

Trust me, it is
better at the top.

You deserve this.

Plus,
you'’re really pretty.

Fuck it.

GIRL 1: What is she
doing here?

Emily Smith-Dungy.Oh.

Right that way.

I'’m here!

You'’re Emily?Uh-huh.

Okay, here'’s your square,
here... Don'’t go outside
the lines.

Looks like
you'’re all legal.Okay. Thanks.

ANNOUNCER:
Jumpers, ready, set, go!

Attica! Attica!

I need you to calm down.You got it, man.
You got it, man!

Ma'’am, I cannot do this
with you right now.

No, I need you to tell me
where your daughter is.

Where is your daughter?You can arrest me too,
'’cause I'm not telling you.

ELLIS: Okay, well,
I'’ll just have to come
back and do that.

TYLER: Ma'’am,
your daughter is
a felony suspect.

SAMANTHA:
I'’m not telling
you where she is.

ELLIS:
I'’m sure you're not.

You know, I'’m okay
with you being straight?

Thanks.
Are you like in trouble?No.

Where is she?I couldn'’t say.

You couldn'’t say?

You know you don'’t
have to be different
to be an artist.

You just have
to have the courage

to show the world
who you really are.

Do you know
who you are?

I'’m Jackson Smith-Dungy,
your son.

Cool.

Well, we will
find your daughter,
I need you to know that.

Okay.This is not okay.

Nothing that has
happened here today is okay.

Why, of course.
Good luck.

Good luck.Thank you.

I got a medical marijuana
card in my wallet.
Let'’s have some fun.

Let'’s go, sir.

Okay.Wait, why are you trying
to arrest my dad?

What are you saying?

Put your gun down!

I don'’t have
a gun out.

Well, I'’ll just show
it to you right now?
Oh, snap.

ALL:
Attica! Attica!

ANNOUNCER: First competitor,
Melissa Barnum.

Competitor number two,
Tracey Hill.

Number three,
Emily Smith-Dungy.

KAT: Whoo! Yeah! Whoo!

And competitor number four,
Taren Washington.

Folks, let'’s hear it
for the final competitors,
let'’s give them a hand.

Next up,
Emily Smith-Dungy.

Emily, please take
your station.

Right now, the top score
is Melissa Barnum with 428.

BOY: Call the cops!Come on, Em!

Jumper, are you ready?

WOMAN: Jumper?

Are you ready?Mmm-hmm.

ANNOUNCER:
Single rope speed.

Judges, ready?

Jumpers, ready, set, go.

CHRIS: Come on, Em!

Emily!

Emily,
pick it up, go...

JACKSON: You can do it, Emily!

DUNCAN: Jump, baby,
Jump, baby!JACKSON: You got this!

That'’s my girl!

Buckle up!

Emily! Emily! Emily!

ALL: Emily! Emily! Emily!

Emily! Emily! Emily!

CROWD:
Emily! Emily! Emily!

I'’m the queen freak!

CROWD:
Emily! Emily! Emily!

I'’m the queen freak!

Let'’s go.
Come on, let'’s go.

We'’re coming, honey!

EMILY: Some people
are lucky enough to find
their true passion...

Yeah, is it good?Yeah. It'’s awesome.

Hey, come on, little buddy,
we gotta get ready,

you don'’t
want to be late.

EMILY: That'’s okay because
their passion makes them
feel like something.

EMILY: Like somebody.

Sometimes it'’s the only thing
that keeps them moving.

I know some people
don'’t get mine,
my passion.

It'’s jumping rope,
competitively.

But I like it.

Just me and the rope,
I'’m in total control.

I can let everything else go
and focus on that one thing.

Three Weeks Later

Hazelwood Behavioral
Correction Camp

I guess it could be anything.

ALL: Five, four,
three, two, one.

But I chose jumping rope.

And I'’m not sure
if there is anything

that I could
possibly love more.

GUARD: Miss Dungy.

Your family'’s here
to take you home.

Bye.

ALL: Bye, Emily.

SAMANTHA: You were
amazing out there.

Look what I got you.