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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:07,646 --> 00:00:10,181 I tell you, Douglas, that bank is stealing my money. 2 00:00:10,396 --> 00:00:13,677 For the last time, it's a service charge. Get in the car. 3 00:00:14,145 --> 00:00:16,100 Thieves! 4 00:00:16,353 --> 00:00:18,427 It's a dollar. Let it go. 5 00:00:21,644 --> 00:00:23,599 - Can you give me a second, please? - It's locked. 6 00:00:23,810 --> 00:00:25,931 - I know, you gotta wait one sec, okay? - Try it now? 7 00:00:26,143 --> 00:00:27,552 - No, not yet. Every time- - Now? 8 00:00:27,768 --> 00:00:30,967 - No, not yet. When you keep doing- - Now? Now? Now? 9 00:00:31,184 --> 00:00:33,221 All right, you know what? Step away from the car. 10 00:00:33,475 --> 00:00:36,259 Sit down on the curb, I'll come around and let you in. 11 00:00:56,680 --> 00:00:58,089 Hey, honey. Come here. 12 00:00:58,346 --> 00:01:00,135 What? What now? 13 00:01:00,387 --> 00:01:02,840 I got my boxes out of storage today. Look at all this. 14 00:01:03,095 --> 00:01:07,835 Your mother's old things, ukulele, Communist Party literature... 15 00:01:08,303 --> 00:01:10,507 Oh, and here we go. 16 00:01:10,719 --> 00:01:13,172 I think you know what these are. 17 00:01:13,968 --> 00:01:15,793 Your photo albums. 18 00:01:16,051 --> 00:01:17,425 I've seen those. 19 00:01:17,635 --> 00:01:19,293 A lot. 20 00:01:20,259 --> 00:01:22,545 Come on. It's gonna happen. 21 00:01:22,759 --> 00:01:24,714 Don't fight it. 22 00:01:28,758 --> 00:01:30,464 Honey? 23 00:01:30,882 --> 00:01:31,912 We're out of jerky. 24 00:01:32,174 --> 00:01:33,832 Oh, you're right. I am so sorry. 25 00:01:34,049 --> 00:01:37,793 Why don't you come have a seat right there... 26 00:01:38,006 --> 00:01:40,210 Sit right there, and I'm gonna go... 27 00:01:41,006 --> 00:01:42,913 ...do something else. 28 00:01:50,338 --> 00:01:51,664 Honey? 29 00:01:52,712 --> 00:01:54,868 Here's another beaut. 30 00:01:55,628 --> 00:01:59,917 Ocean City, 1958. That's me in the pompadour. 31 00:02:00,461 --> 00:02:02,332 There we are in Hershey, Pennsylvania, 32 00:02:02,544 --> 00:02:04,581 getting the chocolate tour. 33 00:02:05,002 --> 00:02:08,367 And there's what a flesh-eating bacteria can do to the human hand. 34 00:02:10,209 --> 00:02:12,958 There's the lake at Camp Wigwam. 35 00:02:13,167 --> 00:02:15,122 And there's me in the trenches with Mickey Dugan, 36 00:02:15,333 --> 00:02:17,039 right after his leg got blown off. 37 00:02:18,083 --> 00:02:20,749 Wow, maybe you should think about organizing these a little, huh? 38 00:02:20,958 --> 00:02:22,035 What do you mean? 39 00:02:22,249 --> 00:02:24,038 I don't know. Maybe get two books, you know? 40 00:02:24,249 --> 00:02:28,704 One for family stuff and one for bloody carnage. 41 00:02:29,040 --> 00:02:31,575 Look at that. Little Carrie. 42 00:02:31,831 --> 00:02:34,401 - Look at her, what is she, about 10? - Yeah. 43 00:02:34,622 --> 00:02:37,157 Oh, look at her here. She's just a little baby in the bathtub. 44 00:02:37,372 --> 00:02:40,120 Look at that tushy, I could just bite it. 45 00:02:41,454 --> 00:02:44,617 - That's me. - Damn it, Arthur! 46 00:02:44,829 --> 00:02:47,495 Organise these, would you? 47 00:02:52,952 --> 00:02:54,694 Hey, who's that? 48 00:02:55,369 --> 00:02:58,283 That's my first wife, Sophia. Carrie's mom. 49 00:02:58,493 --> 00:03:00,199 - It is? - Yeah. 50 00:03:00,409 --> 00:03:03,821 That's up in the Catskills, about a year before she passed. 51 00:03:04,034 --> 00:03:06,273 Wow, I didn't realise she was so... 52 00:03:06,533 --> 00:03:07,812 Fat? 53 00:03:08,700 --> 00:03:10,073 Oh, yeah. Big girI. 54 00:03:10,324 --> 00:03:12,445 But I've seen other pictures of her. She wasn't so... 55 00:03:12,699 --> 00:03:14,026 Fat? 56 00:03:15,157 --> 00:03:18,024 Yeah, she was slim like Carrie when I first met her, 57 00:03:18,240 --> 00:03:20,065 but eventually she just got, you know. 58 00:03:20,281 --> 00:03:22,734 - Fat? - Hey, you're talking about my wife! 59 00:03:25,030 --> 00:03:26,606 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 60 00:03:27,697 --> 00:03:29,272 Don't worry about it. 61 00:03:29,488 --> 00:03:32,190 Actually, I didn't mind a bit. 62 00:03:32,404 --> 00:03:35,106 Just so much more to love. 63 00:03:35,362 --> 00:03:37,648 Then you must have adored her. 64 00:03:39,653 --> 00:03:41,276 You know, it's funny. 65 00:03:41,486 --> 00:03:44,270 All the women in that family start out thin, 66 00:03:44,486 --> 00:03:46,855 and then just blow up. 67 00:03:47,777 --> 00:03:49,518 Must be the genes. 68 00:03:57,650 --> 00:04:00,316 Honey, funny thing at the office today. 69 00:04:00,483 --> 00:04:02,722 Somebody shoves a birthday card in front of me 70 00:04:02,941 --> 00:04:04,896 and says, "We're all signing it, it's for Chris. " 71 00:04:05,107 --> 00:04:07,477 I'm thinking it's Chris, the kid who runs the copy machine, 72 00:04:07,690 --> 00:04:12,062 so I write, "Happy birthday to the sexiest thing in the office", right? 73 00:04:12,356 --> 00:04:14,512 Turns out, 74 00:04:14,731 --> 00:04:19,268 that it's for Christine, the senior partner. 75 00:04:20,063 --> 00:04:23,642 So either I'm fired or I got a new girlfriend. 76 00:04:25,937 --> 00:04:27,181 Honey, what's the matter? 77 00:04:27,978 --> 00:04:29,471 Nothing. 78 00:04:29,686 --> 00:04:32,139 Well, you had a weird look on your face. 79 00:04:32,394 --> 00:04:36,434 No, I was just thinking how beautifuI you are, 80 00:04:36,644 --> 00:04:41,051 and how happy I am with the life that we built together. 81 00:04:43,268 --> 00:04:44,926 Whatever. 82 00:04:52,558 --> 00:04:54,216 Hey, what are you doing? 83 00:04:54,432 --> 00:04:56,588 I thought I'd pick you up, carry you over to the bed. 84 00:04:56,807 --> 00:04:58,548 It's romantic. 85 00:04:58,932 --> 00:05:00,472 Okay. 86 00:05:11,596 --> 00:05:13,587 Hey, you. 87 00:05:14,721 --> 00:05:15,834 It's romantic, huh? 88 00:05:16,512 --> 00:05:18,419 Not yet. 89 00:05:21,136 --> 00:05:22,546 All right. 90 00:05:22,761 --> 00:05:24,668 There you go. 91 00:05:25,011 --> 00:05:26,633 Hey, that was great. 92 00:05:26,885 --> 00:05:29,006 I'm gonna go watch the news, okay? 93 00:05:35,426 --> 00:05:37,381 Did you see what they did to the snack machine? 94 00:05:37,634 --> 00:05:39,292 You know G-11, the big cookie? 95 00:05:39,550 --> 00:05:42,713 Now it's raisins, the yellow ones. What the hell is that about? 96 00:05:43,299 --> 00:05:46,131 Hey, Deac, let me ask you. Do you think Carrie's gained weight? 97 00:05:46,382 --> 00:05:47,412 What? 98 00:05:47,674 --> 00:05:49,629 Carrie, my wife. Do you think she's gained weight? 99 00:05:49,840 --> 00:05:51,001 Couple pounds maybe? 100 00:05:51,256 --> 00:05:54,704 I don't know. Every time I see her, she's blocked by you. 101 00:05:57,547 --> 00:05:59,336 I know I'm fat, all right? That's a given. 102 00:05:59,588 --> 00:06:02,539 Oh, good, because I didn't wanna have to break that to you, you know? 103 00:06:02,755 --> 00:06:05,243 Yeah, but you know what, I'm not gaining, okay? I've plateaued. 104 00:06:05,462 --> 00:06:07,666 Everything now is just maintenance. 105 00:06:07,920 --> 00:06:11,586 Even if she has gained some weight, there's nothing you can do about it. 106 00:06:11,623 --> 00:06:13,493 Sure there is. I can talk to her about it. 107 00:06:13,711 --> 00:06:15,204 Actually, I'm gonna. 108 00:06:16,877 --> 00:06:18,914 Let me ask you a question. 109 00:06:19,127 --> 00:06:22,658 Would you say, basically, your life is good right now? 110 00:06:22,876 --> 00:06:25,543 - Yeah. - Good wife, good job, the whole thing? 111 00:06:26,251 --> 00:06:29,165 - Yeah. - Don't pick at it. 112 00:06:30,125 --> 00:06:31,914 Carrie and I have a very open relationship. 113 00:06:32,125 --> 00:06:34,364 We talk about things. I think I can bring it up. 114 00:06:34,624 --> 00:06:36,994 Oh, really? Well, let me tell you a little story. 115 00:06:37,207 --> 00:06:39,909 Last summer, I noticed that Kelly had put on about 15 pounds, 116 00:06:40,123 --> 00:06:44,579 so I figured, like you, that I'd bring it up, all casuaI, 117 00:06:44,789 --> 00:06:47,159 like really supportive and everything. 118 00:06:49,414 --> 00:06:53,110 It's been seven months, okay, and my life still isn't back to normaI. 119 00:06:53,330 --> 00:06:55,900 She was so mad at me that she kept the 15 pounds, 120 00:06:56,121 --> 00:06:59,533 and gained another 10, just as spite-weight. 121 00:06:59,787 --> 00:07:02,240 You know what? I think Carrie can take constructive criticism 122 00:07:02,453 --> 00:07:04,029 a little bit better than Kelly. 123 00:07:04,286 --> 00:07:07,947 Okay, fine. Then go with God. 124 00:07:43,446 --> 00:07:45,236 What happened to my coffee cake? 125 00:07:45,571 --> 00:07:46,980 What? 126 00:07:48,196 --> 00:07:49,605 You ate my cake? 127 00:07:49,862 --> 00:07:51,769 Was that yours? 128 00:07:52,195 --> 00:07:55,726 Well, I put it on my plate. I didn't think I had to labeI it. 129 00:07:56,486 --> 00:07:58,441 Whatever, I'll just have a doughnut or something. 130 00:07:58,652 --> 00:07:59,766 Hey, you know what? 131 00:08:00,777 --> 00:08:02,897 Don't scream. What? 132 00:08:03,152 --> 00:08:05,474 I was just thinking. You know what? You're right. 133 00:08:05,693 --> 00:08:07,766 I shouldn't have eaten that coffee cake, you know? 134 00:08:08,192 --> 00:08:11,522 I'm so fat, you know? 135 00:08:11,733 --> 00:08:13,640 I just really need to lose some weight. 136 00:08:15,066 --> 00:08:16,856 You know what? We should go on a diet together 137 00:08:17,066 --> 00:08:18,724 so I could take some of this off. 138 00:08:20,357 --> 00:08:21,470 We? 139 00:08:21,982 --> 00:08:24,517 Yeah, you know, I feeI bloated, you know? 140 00:08:24,731 --> 00:08:29,684 Very disgusting right now, and I just really feeI, 141 00:08:29,939 --> 00:08:32,012 if we went on a diet, that... 142 00:08:33,522 --> 00:08:34,801 ...it'd really do the trick. 143 00:08:35,438 --> 00:08:37,642 And is there a reason you keep saying "we"? 144 00:08:37,896 --> 00:08:40,562 Yeah, it's just like: 145 00:08:41,354 --> 00:08:43,676 "We're on a diet!" 146 00:08:44,936 --> 00:08:46,974 What do you think, I'm an idiot? 147 00:08:48,477 --> 00:08:51,475 If you want me to lose weight, why don't you just come out and say it? 148 00:08:52,560 --> 00:08:55,558 Okay, look, I know it's ridiculous for me to be bringing this up. 149 00:08:55,768 --> 00:08:59,133 I mean, look at me, I look like I'm in my 12th trimester here. 150 00:09:00,601 --> 00:09:02,804 Maybe it is possible that over the last couple of years, 151 00:09:03,017 --> 00:09:07,922 you have gained a few tiny, tiny pounds. 152 00:09:09,432 --> 00:09:13,888 It is so not a big deaI, Carrie. I mean, Deacon's wife... 153 00:09:14,098 --> 00:09:18,305 He said she gained, like, 15 pounds. So, by comparison, this is nothing. 154 00:09:18,848 --> 00:09:20,174 You talked to Deacon about this? 155 00:09:20,431 --> 00:09:22,800 No, I would never do that. No. 156 00:09:26,596 --> 00:09:29,345 Honey, I shouldn't have ever brought this up, I'm sorry. 157 00:09:30,221 --> 00:09:34,048 It's- You're right, I... 158 00:09:34,387 --> 00:09:37,633 Maybe I have put on a few pounds, but I will take it off. 159 00:09:38,011 --> 00:09:40,250 - Only if you're okay with it. - I said I would, I will. 160 00:09:40,469 --> 00:09:42,625 - Okay. - Okay. 161 00:09:42,844 --> 00:09:45,510 - Well, great. - Great. 162 00:09:46,093 --> 00:09:48,581 Hey, baby, who's my best girI, huh? 163 00:09:51,092 --> 00:09:53,083 You are. 164 00:10:20,296 --> 00:10:21,918 Hey, what do you got there? 165 00:10:22,295 --> 00:10:24,001 Three ounces of poached haddock. 166 00:10:24,212 --> 00:10:25,834 Nice. 167 00:10:26,045 --> 00:10:28,118 We're dining in style tonight, huh? 168 00:10:29,586 --> 00:10:32,785 Greetings, one and all. Sorry I'm late, 169 00:10:33,044 --> 00:10:38,707 but I was going through those boxes and found my old little black book. 170 00:10:40,376 --> 00:10:42,864 Sit down, Dad. Dinner's ready. 171 00:10:43,125 --> 00:10:45,116 Lenore Bickle. 172 00:10:45,708 --> 00:10:48,161 I should give that little hottie a call. 173 00:10:49,874 --> 00:10:54,282 I wonder if she's still at Klondike 50197. 174 00:10:54,540 --> 00:10:58,368 Maybe after dinner you can ask Myrtle to patch you through. 175 00:10:59,581 --> 00:11:02,283 Dinner Italiano. 176 00:11:03,497 --> 00:11:05,155 Aren't you having anything, sweetheart? 177 00:11:05,413 --> 00:11:07,155 No. I'm on a diet. 178 00:11:08,580 --> 00:11:11,660 You kids with your dieting and your health. 179 00:11:11,871 --> 00:11:15,911 In my day, we dropped dead of a massive coronary in our mid-50s 180 00:11:16,120 --> 00:11:17,696 and we liked it. 181 00:11:22,702 --> 00:11:24,325 It's fine, Dad. I wanted to lose weight. 182 00:11:24,535 --> 00:11:27,817 Honey, could you pass the I Can't Believe It's Not Salad Dressing? 183 00:11:30,076 --> 00:11:31,901 Thank you. 184 00:11:36,742 --> 00:11:39,064 All right, this is stupid. You don't need to lose weight. 185 00:11:39,283 --> 00:11:41,736 - You're fine the way you are. - No, no, no, I'm doing this. 186 00:11:41,949 --> 00:11:43,738 Here, let me give you some spaghetti. 187 00:11:43,949 --> 00:11:46,484 No, Doug, please. Would you just leave me alone? 188 00:11:46,698 --> 00:11:49,447 All right, if you're going on a diet, then I'm going on a diet. 189 00:11:49,656 --> 00:11:53,566 Hey, stop with the diet talk! It's crazy. 190 00:11:54,614 --> 00:11:57,481 Actually, you could lose a few pounds. 191 00:11:58,113 --> 00:12:00,483 Well, I intend to, okay? I'll tell you that right now. 192 00:12:00,696 --> 00:12:03,859 I'm gonna fix myself a nice plate right here. 193 00:12:04,070 --> 00:12:06,357 Good hunk of haddock, 194 00:12:06,737 --> 00:12:09,023 some veggies, 195 00:12:09,236 --> 00:12:12,815 and I am golden. 196 00:12:29,691 --> 00:12:31,232 Honey, was that enough for you? 197 00:12:31,691 --> 00:12:33,563 Oh, yeah. Plenty. 198 00:12:33,774 --> 00:12:35,978 Couldn't eat another drop. 199 00:12:37,190 --> 00:12:39,227 Sweet broccoli. 200 00:12:53,229 --> 00:12:56,429 Honey, I gotta tell you, I am loving this celery. 201 00:12:56,979 --> 00:12:59,383 And unlike a chilli dog, no mess in the bed. 202 00:13:01,436 --> 00:13:02,431 Flannels? 203 00:13:02,644 --> 00:13:05,215 What happened to that cute number you were wearing last night? 204 00:13:07,602 --> 00:13:09,178 What are those on your p. j. 's? 205 00:13:10,976 --> 00:13:12,599 Ducks. 206 00:13:14,309 --> 00:13:18,089 You know, I've always been a little attracted to ducks. 207 00:13:18,808 --> 00:13:21,722 Webbed feet, feathers. 208 00:13:22,058 --> 00:13:24,297 Flying in a V. 209 00:13:29,848 --> 00:13:31,673 What's the matter? 210 00:13:31,889 --> 00:13:35,752 I guess I'm a little tired from being so fat. 211 00:13:36,597 --> 00:13:39,381 Come on, Carrie. I should have never brought this up. 212 00:13:39,638 --> 00:13:41,427 That stupid picture. 213 00:13:41,680 --> 00:13:43,089 What picture? 214 00:13:43,346 --> 00:13:44,886 When your Dad was showing me the albums, 215 00:13:45,096 --> 00:13:47,051 there was this picture of your mother, and I- 216 00:13:47,304 --> 00:13:49,792 Oh, I get it, so because my mom gained a lot of weight, 217 00:13:50,012 --> 00:13:51,552 you're afraid I'm going to? 218 00:13:52,261 --> 00:13:54,963 No, not afraid. 219 00:13:55,177 --> 00:13:57,879 Just mildly aware. 220 00:13:58,760 --> 00:13:59,873 Come on, I really wanna know. 221 00:14:00,135 --> 00:14:03,630 How would you feeI if I did end up looking like my mother? 222 00:14:03,843 --> 00:14:06,247 I'd be fine with it. 223 00:14:09,675 --> 00:14:13,620 Doug, I could see your reflection in the window. 224 00:14:39,378 --> 00:14:41,534 - What did you do? What did you do? - What? 225 00:14:41,753 --> 00:14:44,076 You told Carrie what I said about my wife being overweight? 226 00:14:44,336 --> 00:14:46,871 What? I don't- I think you're wrong. 227 00:14:47,127 --> 00:14:48,869 I'm not wrong. They talk. 228 00:14:49,085 --> 00:14:50,992 Damn it, what are you doing to me, huh? 229 00:14:52,001 --> 00:14:54,157 I thought I'd make Carrie feeI better. I didn't think- 230 00:14:54,376 --> 00:14:57,706 That's right, you didn't think. Seven months of work, undone. 231 00:14:57,917 --> 00:15:00,038 I came home last night and Kelly was weeping 232 00:15:00,250 --> 00:15:03,201 and giving me the finger at the same time. 233 00:15:03,874 --> 00:15:06,114 Never seen that before. 234 00:15:07,041 --> 00:15:09,078 If it's any consolation to you, my life is hell too. 235 00:15:09,332 --> 00:15:11,902 - That does make me feeI better. - Now I'm on a diet. 236 00:15:12,165 --> 00:15:14,036 Carrie won't sleep with me. 237 00:15:14,248 --> 00:15:16,368 No sex. No food. 238 00:15:16,581 --> 00:15:19,993 If the cable goes out, I'm gonna have to kill myself. 239 00:15:20,455 --> 00:15:23,121 Didn't I warn you not to pick at your life? 240 00:15:23,288 --> 00:15:26,819 - Hey, what's on that? - But you couldn't listen, could you? No. 241 00:15:27,037 --> 00:15:30,035 "We talk. We communicate. " 242 00:15:30,245 --> 00:15:32,319 Look at you now. 243 00:15:50,159 --> 00:15:52,729 - Hey, Dad. - Hello, darling. Where were you? 244 00:15:52,991 --> 00:15:53,986 At the gym. 245 00:15:54,200 --> 00:15:56,355 Nothing like jumping jacks and the old vibrating belt 246 00:15:56,574 --> 00:15:58,648 to get you in the pink, huh? 247 00:15:59,782 --> 00:16:01,902 - Right. - Look what I found in here. 248 00:16:02,115 --> 00:16:04,022 Some pictures from your wedding. 249 00:16:04,365 --> 00:16:05,442 What year was that? 250 00:16:06,364 --> 00:16:07,940 Ninety-five. 251 00:16:09,614 --> 00:16:12,315 That was a simpler time, wasn't it? 252 00:16:13,530 --> 00:16:16,527 Oh, look at me in my wedding dress. 253 00:16:16,738 --> 00:16:19,688 - I looked good, didn't I? - Breathtaking. 254 00:16:19,904 --> 00:16:22,901 Well, those days are gone. 255 00:16:24,945 --> 00:16:26,437 What are you talking about? 256 00:16:26,653 --> 00:16:28,808 Now I'm just getting older and gaining weight, 257 00:16:29,027 --> 00:16:34,016 and before I know it, I'm just gonna be big and fat and not attractive anymore. 258 00:16:35,026 --> 00:16:36,021 You're crazy. 259 00:16:36,234 --> 00:16:38,355 And even if you do gain a little weight, believe me... 260 00:16:39,317 --> 00:16:41,521 - ... men like that. - No, they don't. 261 00:16:41,733 --> 00:16:45,063 Oh, no? Look at this. 262 00:16:45,649 --> 00:16:47,604 Look at the women in here. 263 00:16:47,816 --> 00:16:50,055 Full-figured and voluptuous. 264 00:16:50,274 --> 00:16:52,229 This is a men's magazine. 265 00:16:52,440 --> 00:16:54,975 This is what men like. 266 00:16:57,189 --> 00:17:00,885 "Va-Voom. ApriI, 1951." 267 00:17:06,021 --> 00:17:08,853 Okay, so what was the big emergency? 268 00:17:09,104 --> 00:17:10,301 Okay. 269 00:17:10,520 --> 00:17:12,226 Here's the thing. 270 00:17:12,978 --> 00:17:15,301 What would make you feeI better if someone told you 271 00:17:15,520 --> 00:17:17,427 you'd gained a couple pounds? 272 00:17:18,602 --> 00:17:19,799 Oh, my God. 273 00:17:20,019 --> 00:17:22,507 You called me all the way down here just to tell me I look fat? 274 00:17:23,685 --> 00:17:25,889 What, in a crowded bar, to keep me from making a scene? 275 00:17:26,143 --> 00:17:28,347 Will you relax? I'm talking about your sister. 276 00:17:28,684 --> 00:17:30,758 Oh, thank God. 277 00:17:31,017 --> 00:17:33,303 I made a stupid comment about her weight, 278 00:17:33,517 --> 00:17:36,431 and I think I might have upset her a little bit. 279 00:17:38,349 --> 00:17:39,925 Seriously though, do I look chubby? 280 00:17:40,390 --> 00:17:41,421 No! 281 00:17:41,682 --> 00:17:43,838 Okay, look, Doug, saying that you've gained weight 282 00:17:44,057 --> 00:17:45,881 is the worst thing you could say to a woman. 283 00:17:46,140 --> 00:17:47,597 It's like, you know, 284 00:17:47,848 --> 00:17:51,508 what if Carrie told you that sometimes you didn't satisfy her sexually? 285 00:17:52,139 --> 00:17:53,963 Did she say that? 286 00:17:54,597 --> 00:17:55,591 No. 287 00:17:56,388 --> 00:17:57,549 Why did you pause? 288 00:17:58,263 --> 00:18:00,715 - Did I pause? - Yes, there was a long pause. 289 00:18:02,637 --> 00:18:04,592 Sara, tell me, did she say that? What did she say? 290 00:18:04,845 --> 00:18:07,298 Okay, she didn't say that, no. 291 00:18:08,636 --> 00:18:10,045 But something like that? 292 00:18:11,677 --> 00:18:14,758 - No, not really. - Another pause. Stop pausing! 293 00:18:15,010 --> 00:18:18,541 Look, I'm just thinking about how fat I am, okay? 294 00:18:18,801 --> 00:18:21,371 - I feeI like I've been shot. - Yeah, well, good luck with that. 295 00:18:30,799 --> 00:18:32,173 Honey? 296 00:18:36,798 --> 00:18:39,582 Lordy, Lordy, Lord. 297 00:18:40,714 --> 00:18:43,202 - Hello. - What are you doing? 298 00:18:43,464 --> 00:18:47,409 I just ate an entire yule log I was saving for Christmas. 299 00:18:48,338 --> 00:18:52,994 Now I'm even fatter, and we have no holiday dessert. 300 00:18:54,170 --> 00:18:55,995 Oh, honey. 301 00:18:56,211 --> 00:18:58,249 You got out your wedding dress. 302 00:18:58,503 --> 00:19:01,169 You were right. I couldn't even zip it up. 303 00:19:01,377 --> 00:19:03,782 I'm just a big, fat fatty. 304 00:19:05,252 --> 00:19:09,375 You just can't reach the zipper. Here, let me. 305 00:19:12,375 --> 00:19:14,579 Okay, inhale a little. 306 00:19:15,458 --> 00:19:17,697 Little more. 307 00:19:18,708 --> 00:19:19,738 There you go. 308 00:19:21,166 --> 00:19:22,445 I'm dizzy. 309 00:19:23,207 --> 00:19:24,783 You know what? 310 00:19:25,373 --> 00:19:27,696 So what? You know, who cares? 311 00:19:27,915 --> 00:19:31,445 You still look great. 312 00:19:31,664 --> 00:19:33,322 No, I don't. 313 00:19:33,580 --> 00:19:35,985 Doug, the day I wore this dress three years ago, 314 00:19:36,205 --> 00:19:37,863 that's the best I'm ever gonna look. 315 00:19:38,080 --> 00:19:39,323 It's all downhill from here. 316 00:19:39,538 --> 00:19:40,865 - It is not downhill. - Yes, it is. 317 00:19:41,079 --> 00:19:42,572 - No, it's not. - Yes, yes, yes, it is. 318 00:19:42,787 --> 00:19:44,991 Look. Look. Look. This is my mother's dress. 319 00:19:45,203 --> 00:19:48,864 One day, I'm gonna fill out this entire thing. 320 00:19:49,119 --> 00:19:51,157 - You know what? Give me the dress. - What? 321 00:19:51,411 --> 00:19:53,200 Give me the dress. 322 00:19:53,744 --> 00:19:57,109 - What are you doing? - I'm gonna put on your mother's dress. 323 00:19:57,368 --> 00:19:58,647 - Why? - Why? 324 00:19:58,910 --> 00:20:00,450 Because it will be way too small for me. 325 00:20:00,659 --> 00:20:02,863 Which means that even if you do get to be as big as her, 326 00:20:03,075 --> 00:20:04,237 I'll still be bigger. 327 00:20:04,450 --> 00:20:08,941 Which means you'll always, always be my skinny wife. 328 00:20:09,449 --> 00:20:11,902 It fits. 329 00:20:17,781 --> 00:20:20,649 Actually, it needs to be taken in a little. 330 00:20:24,030 --> 00:20:25,772 Carrie, just... 331 00:20:25,988 --> 00:20:28,144 I'm begging you to let go of this. 332 00:20:28,613 --> 00:20:31,183 I want you to stop feeling bad. 333 00:20:31,404 --> 00:20:33,110 I want us to laugh. 334 00:20:33,321 --> 00:20:35,987 I want us to have sex. 335 00:20:36,695 --> 00:20:40,142 For the sweet love of God, I want a sandwich. 336 00:20:43,152 --> 00:20:44,645 Listen to me. 337 00:20:44,860 --> 00:20:49,316 I think you're beautifuI. You'll always, always be beautifuI. 338 00:20:49,568 --> 00:20:51,393 - Yeah, right. - Yes. 339 00:20:51,651 --> 00:20:53,309 Right. 340 00:20:53,776 --> 00:20:55,979 But what if I do get fat? 341 00:20:56,192 --> 00:21:00,019 Just come in under a metric ton. 342 00:21:00,816 --> 00:21:03,482 - Or sag? - Hey, sagging is great. 343 00:21:03,732 --> 00:21:07,107 What if I get stretch marks and retain water? 344 00:21:07,143 --> 00:21:08,268 I love water. 345 00:21:13,522 --> 00:21:14,801 Look at you in this thing. 346 00:21:15,022 --> 00:21:17,345 - You're liking this, aren't you? - Yeah. 347 00:21:17,938 --> 00:21:19,395 - You know what's scaring me? - What? 348 00:21:19,605 --> 00:21:20,766 Something feels right. 349 00:21:27,437 --> 00:21:30,221 Douglas, a little advice: 350 00:21:30,436 --> 00:21:32,557 Wear a slip with that. 351 00:21:41,559 --> 00:21:43,016 What a night, huh? 352 00:21:43,226 --> 00:21:45,097 Some Chinese food, 353 00:21:45,309 --> 00:21:47,513 followed by some good deli, 354 00:21:47,725 --> 00:21:51,386 followed by some good loving with the most beautifuI girI I know. 355 00:21:51,599 --> 00:21:55,011 Oh, honey, that's sweet. 356 00:21:56,557 --> 00:21:58,014 So the loving part... 357 00:21:58,223 --> 00:22:01,719 Was my performance to my lady's liking? 358 00:22:03,139 --> 00:22:04,762 Yeah. 359 00:22:06,347 --> 00:22:08,503 What was that pause? 26827

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