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1
00:00:22,821 --> 00:00:26,518
He's gonna make it right to the top.
2
00:00:26,591 --> 00:00:30,493
That crazy movin' groovin' kid
who just won't stop.
3
00:00:30,562 --> 00:00:34,794
He's gonna rearrange
the good ol' status quo.
4
00:00:34,866 --> 00:00:36,629
And get it all together.
5
00:00:36,701 --> 00:00:39,932
With the things he's got to know.
6
00:00:40,605 --> 00:00:44,439
He's gonna make it He's gonna make it.
7
00:00:44,509 --> 00:00:48,240
He's gonna take this
cockeyed world and shake it.
8
00:00:48,313 --> 00:00:52,613
He's gonna show them
he's a winner in the end.
9
00:00:52,684 --> 00:00:54,447
With a little bit of luck.
10
00:00:55,553 --> 00:00:58,750
And a little bitty barefoot friend.
11
00:01:03,628 --> 00:01:07,462
When they start rappin'
that he's too young.
12
00:01:07,532 --> 00:01:11,559
He makes his mind up
that he'll wind up number one.
13
00:01:11,636 --> 00:01:15,663
And the whole wide world
will know that he's around.
14
00:01:15,740 --> 00:01:21,201
Though other cats get uptight
and try to put him down.
15
00:01:21,279 --> 00:01:25,181
He's gonna make it He's gonna make it.
16
00:01:25,250 --> 00:01:29,118
He's gonna take this
cockeyed world and shake it.
17
00:01:29,187 --> 00:01:33,351
He's gonna show them
he's a winner in the end.
18
00:01:33,425 --> 00:01:35,325
With a little bit of luck.
19
00:01:36,227 --> 00:01:39,424
And a little bitty barefoot friend.
20
00:02:34,786 --> 00:02:38,517
When they start rappin'
that he's too young.
21
00:02:38,590 --> 00:02:42,890
He makes his mind up
that he'll wind up number one.
22
00:02:42,961 --> 00:02:46,863
And the whole wide world
will know that he's around.
23
00:02:46,931 --> 00:02:51,459
Though other cats get uptight
and try to put him down.
24
00:02:52,470 --> 00:02:56,201
He's gonna make it He's gonna make it.
25
00:02:56,274 --> 00:03:00,233
He's gonna take this
cockeyed world and shake it.
26
00:03:00,311 --> 00:03:04,145
He's gonna show them
he's a winner in the end.
27
00:03:04,215 --> 00:03:06,183
With a little bit of luck.
28
00:03:07,318 --> 00:03:10,481
And a little bitty barefoot friend.
29
00:03:16,494 --> 00:03:20,658
- He's gonna make it.
- Little bitty barefoot friend.
30
00:03:20,732 --> 00:03:24,259
- He's gonna make it.
- Little bitty barefoot friend.
31
00:03:24,335 --> 00:03:28,203
- He's gonna make it.
- Little bitty barefoot friend.
32
00:03:28,273 --> 00:03:33,040
- He's gonna make it.
- Little bitty barefoot friend.
33
00:03:33,111 --> 00:03:35,739
Little bitty barefoot friend.
34
00:04:05,977 --> 00:04:07,638
Hi, Mark.
35
00:04:10,381 --> 00:04:12,178
Come on, Jen.
It's almost over.
36
00:04:12,250 --> 00:04:15,583
I'll be there in a minute.
I told Steve I'd wait for him.
37
00:04:15,653 --> 00:04:18,781
I suppose he's at that
crummy night school again.
38
00:04:18,857 --> 00:04:21,291
Roger, everyone can't be a Stanford man.
39
00:04:21,359 --> 00:04:23,088
Unfortunately.
40
00:04:23,161 --> 00:04:26,494
But he drives everyone nuts.
Especially Uncle.
41
00:04:26,564 --> 00:04:28,657
Well, he won't bother him tonight.
42
00:04:29,167 --> 00:04:30,828
Anyone who graduates
43
00:04:30,902 --> 00:04:33,803
from the Moonrise Night School
on Melrose Avenue
44
00:04:33,872 --> 00:04:36,432
is certainly not gonna
make it at the network.
45
00:04:36,507 --> 00:04:38,907
- Hi, Rog.
- Steve, it's about time.
46
00:04:38,977 --> 00:04:42,572
Yeah. We had this guest lecturer.
This guy had a great idea about a story
47
00:04:42,647 --> 00:04:45,207
on Abe Lincoln's doctor's dog.
It was a great idea.
48
00:04:45,283 --> 00:04:47,615
- Don't mention it tonight.
- Yeah, okay.
49
00:04:47,685 --> 00:04:50,176
- Hey, how's the show going?
- Not very well.
50
00:04:50,255 --> 00:04:52,746
- I haven't heard any laughs.
- I'm not surprised.
51
00:04:52,824 --> 00:04:55,554
I saw it, it's a bomb.
If Wilbanks'd just listen to me.
52
00:04:55,627 --> 00:04:57,686
You promised you wouldn't say anything.
53
00:04:57,762 --> 00:04:59,423
Who's saying anything?
54
00:05:02,100 --> 00:05:07,003
Thank you. Thank you.
How'd you like...? What did you...?
55
00:05:07,071 --> 00:05:10,837
Did you...?
Harry, what did you think?
56
00:05:10,909 --> 00:05:13,969
Regardless of my personal
feelings, Mr. Wilbanks,
57
00:05:14,045 --> 00:05:16,377
I think this show will have
a very good rating.
58
00:05:17,048 --> 00:05:20,506
What do you mean, "regardless
of your personal feelings"?
59
00:05:20,585 --> 00:05:24,646
Well, I... I just don't happen
to like TV very much, that's all.
60
00:05:25,857 --> 00:05:28,655
He doesn't like TV.
He's the morning program director.
61
00:05:28,726 --> 00:05:31,160
- Steve, please be quiet.
- Charming.
62
00:05:31,229 --> 00:05:33,697
I mean, simply charming.
63
00:05:33,765 --> 00:05:35,232
- Loved it.
- Thank you.
64
00:05:35,300 --> 00:05:38,463
- Some of them liked it.
- Jen, telephone.
65
00:05:38,536 --> 00:05:40,197
Of course they seemed to like it.
66
00:05:40,271 --> 00:05:42,671
He's vice president
in charge of programming.
67
00:05:42,740 --> 00:05:45,834
Can you imagine what he'd do
if someone didn't seem to like it?
68
00:05:45,910 --> 00:05:49,368
Yes, operator. Mr. Wilbanks,
international calling.
69
00:05:49,447 --> 00:05:52,245
- It's Farnsworth.
- Farnsworth. That vulture.
70
00:05:52,317 --> 00:05:55,377
- Now, really, he isn't that bad.
- Yes, he is. I know that man.
71
00:05:55,453 --> 00:05:59,116
Every time he thinks I'm in trouble,
he calls me up and congratulates me.
72
00:05:59,190 --> 00:06:02,956
I tell you, he does it every time.
Hello, Farnsworth.
73
00:06:03,027 --> 00:06:06,622
What a show, Francis.
What a show.
74
00:06:06,698 --> 00:06:11,601
- Thank you, Farnsworth.
- It was so, so... different.
75
00:06:11,669 --> 00:06:15,298
- Different?
- Yes, absolutely.
76
00:06:15,373 --> 00:06:17,841
Incidentally, Clifford dropped by.
77
00:06:17,909 --> 00:06:22,005
He sends regards from his
entire staff at Continental.
78
00:06:22,080 --> 00:06:25,982
- Hiya, Francis.
- Hello, Clifford.
79
00:06:26,050 --> 00:06:28,245
Well, I'm glad you liked it, Farnsworth,
80
00:06:28,319 --> 00:06:30,514
because, you see,
what I was trying to do...
81
00:06:30,588 --> 00:06:32,783
We'll have lunch and talk about it.
82
00:06:32,857 --> 00:06:35,849
Well, good night, Francis,
you old scoundrel.
83
00:06:35,927 --> 00:06:38,919
You've done it again.
84
00:06:42,266 --> 00:06:45,633
Well, I know I'm in trouble.
They both congratulated me.
85
00:06:45,703 --> 00:06:49,070
Well, don't worry. It's what
our big brass thinks that counts.
86
00:06:49,140 --> 00:06:50,368
But what do they think?
87
00:06:50,441 --> 00:06:52,875
There hasn't been a word
from New York. Roger!
88
00:06:52,944 --> 00:06:54,912
- Yes, sir?
- Don't sneak up on me.
89
00:06:54,979 --> 00:06:56,469
Get me New York.
90
00:06:56,814 --> 00:06:59,374
They're lolling around there
in the lap of luxury.
91
00:06:59,450 --> 00:07:01,884
We put on a new show.
The president of the network
92
00:07:01,953 --> 00:07:04,217
doesn't call and tell me
what he thinks of it.
93
00:07:04,288 --> 00:07:07,280
- Hi-line, Crampton, New York.
- Good boy. He gets right...
94
00:07:07,358 --> 00:07:10,225
- What did you think of it?
- Well, the...
95
00:07:10,294 --> 00:07:12,319
- The audience liked it.
- Yes, they did.
96
00:07:12,397 --> 00:07:13,796
But I'm still worried.
97
00:07:13,865 --> 00:07:16,959
Uncle Francis, I think you
always over-worry our first show.
98
00:07:17,035 --> 00:07:18,263
Is that what you think?
99
00:07:18,336 --> 00:07:20,531
Well, let's hope
that's the case this time.
100
00:07:20,605 --> 00:07:23,233
Yes, sir, here he is.
101
00:07:23,307 --> 00:07:25,867
Hello, chief!
How'd you like the show?
102
00:07:25,943 --> 00:07:28,878
Just fine, Wilbanks. Fine!
103
00:07:28,946 --> 00:07:30,675
Is there somebody there with you?
104
00:07:30,748 --> 00:07:33,444
Our sponsors are here.
They watched the show with me.
105
00:07:33,518 --> 00:07:37,614
The sponsors are there. Well,
what did they think of the show?
106
00:07:37,688 --> 00:07:40,589
They thought it was fine too, just fine.
107
00:07:40,658 --> 00:07:44,059
- How'd the showing go out there?
- Fine, just fine.
108
00:07:44,128 --> 00:07:47,120
Several people laughed so hard
they fell off their chairs.
109
00:07:47,198 --> 00:07:50,395
In fact, some of them
are still applauding.
110
00:07:55,073 --> 00:07:57,337
Well, the ratings
will be out in the morning.
111
00:07:57,408 --> 00:08:01,139
- They'll tell us the story, Francis.
- Yes, they certainly will.
112
00:08:01,679 --> 00:08:05,274
- Good night, Francis.
- Good night, chief.
113
00:08:06,117 --> 00:08:08,415
Cut!
114
00:08:08,486 --> 00:08:10,545
Not now, for heaven's sakes.
115
00:08:10,621 --> 00:08:13,886
Ratings. That's all
they think about are ratings.
116
00:08:13,958 --> 00:08:17,792
We get great audience response.
You heard them clapping yourself.
117
00:08:17,862 --> 00:08:19,887
And they're worried about the ratings.
118
00:08:19,964 --> 00:08:22,432
It's enough to give a man
nervous prostration.
119
00:08:22,500 --> 00:08:25,230
You look a little pale.
Maybe I should get your pills.
120
00:08:25,303 --> 00:08:27,271
Yes, I feel a little pale.
Get my pills.
121
00:08:27,338 --> 00:08:30,136
Love that casting, Francis.
Love that casting!
122
00:08:30,208 --> 00:08:33,575
Yeah, wasn't it good? The fellow
with the hat? Didn't you like him?
123
00:08:33,644 --> 00:08:36,442
Jen, what'd you think of the show?
124
00:08:36,514 --> 00:08:38,982
Well, I thought it had
certain possibilities.
125
00:08:39,050 --> 00:08:40,574
Did you? I'm glad to hear...
126
00:08:40,651 --> 00:08:45,782
- I thought next time, you could...
- Post! Not tonight!
127
00:08:47,158 --> 00:08:50,093
He never listens.
He'll never listen!
128
00:08:50,161 --> 00:08:51,753
Steve, did you slip him a note?
129
00:08:51,829 --> 00:08:54,957
Jen, all he needs
is one good program idea.
130
00:08:55,032 --> 00:08:56,693
Steve!
131
00:09:13,684 --> 00:09:16,676
Mertons, will you stop blowing
that infernal horn?
132
00:09:16,754 --> 00:09:19,314
- Wanted you to know I was here.
- I know you're here.
133
00:09:19,390 --> 00:09:23,190
The neighborhood knows. You'd
think you were picking up your date.
134
00:09:23,261 --> 00:09:26,253
And will you stop with the dusting?
I'm in a hurry today!
135
00:09:26,330 --> 00:09:27,729
Yes, boss.
136
00:09:33,004 --> 00:09:36,906
Charlie, get off your bicycle,
and put that paper on the porch.
137
00:09:36,974 --> 00:09:40,842
I'm just sick and tired of digging it
out of the bushes every day.
138
00:09:45,850 --> 00:09:48,410
Careless, incompetent kids,
139
00:09:48,486 --> 00:09:50,647
grow up that way,
then come to the networks.
140
00:09:50,721 --> 00:09:52,712
No wonder we're having these problems.
141
00:09:52,790 --> 00:09:55,384
Say, boss, would you ask Wilma
to move her car?
142
00:09:55,459 --> 00:09:57,450
No, Wilma can't move her car!
143
00:09:57,528 --> 00:09:59,587
You've got a reverse gear in this thing.
144
00:09:59,664 --> 00:10:01,461
Yeah.
145
00:10:03,000 --> 00:10:04,763
Hey, my bike!
146
00:10:12,977 --> 00:10:16,879
- My bike! My brand-new bike!
- Now look what you've done.
147
00:10:16,948 --> 00:10:19,041
Yeah, careless, incompetent kids?
148
00:10:19,116 --> 00:10:22,381
Not him. You!
Well, don't worry about the bike...
149
00:10:22,453 --> 00:10:23,943
But the papers.
150
00:10:24,021 --> 00:10:25,989
If I don't deliver them,
151
00:10:26,057 --> 00:10:28,855
I won't win that trip to Catalina.
152
00:10:29,694 --> 00:10:32,595
I've been working all year
on that trip to Catalina.
153
00:10:32,663 --> 00:10:36,224
Well, he's been working
all year on the...
154
00:10:36,300 --> 00:10:39,235
Put the darn papers in the car!
155
00:10:39,303 --> 00:10:44,263
How I ever let myself get saddled with
my wife's relatives, I'll never know.
156
00:10:58,990 --> 00:11:01,584
- Hi, Steve.
- Hi, Jen.
157
00:11:01,659 --> 00:11:04,651
I, got something here for Wilbanks.
158
00:11:05,696 --> 00:11:08,631
Steve, you're supposed to
deliver the mail, not read it.
159
00:11:08,699 --> 00:11:10,860
- It doesn't hurt anything.
- Keep moving.
160
00:11:10,935 --> 00:11:13,062
Mr. Wilbanks should be here
any second.
161
00:11:13,137 --> 00:11:16,072
You know how upset he gets
when he sees you hanging around.
162
00:11:16,140 --> 00:11:17,437
He's not in yet?
163
00:11:17,508 --> 00:11:19,999
I can't say I blame him
after that show last night.
164
00:11:20,077 --> 00:11:22,773
Steve, please just forget
about last night's show.
165
00:11:22,847 --> 00:11:26,715
Okay. I've seen disasters in my time,
but that one really takes the cake.
166
00:11:28,552 --> 00:11:30,383
- Good morning.
- Good morning.
167
00:11:30,454 --> 00:11:32,285
- Did you happen to get my note?
- Yes.
168
00:11:32,356 --> 00:11:35,450
Every time I put my hand
in my pocket, I got your note.
169
00:11:35,526 --> 00:11:39,519
Now you listen to me, Steven. I'm not
interested in your theories on ratings.
170
00:11:39,597 --> 00:11:42,395
And I'm certainly not interested
in doing a show called
171
00:11:42,466 --> 00:11:46,129
Abraham Lincoln's Doctor's Dog,
whatever that is.
172
00:11:48,639 --> 00:11:50,197
What is it?
173
00:11:50,274 --> 00:11:52,742
Well, sir, it's very interesting.
174
00:11:52,810 --> 00:11:55,779
You see, we had a guest speaker
from our school last night.
175
00:11:55,846 --> 00:11:58,280
A Mr. E.Z. Potter.
You've probably heard of him.
176
00:11:58,349 --> 00:12:00,374
- E.Z. Potter?
- Yes. He's from up north.
177
00:12:00,451 --> 00:12:02,316
- Up north? Where up north?
- Tulare.
178
00:12:02,386 --> 00:12:04,547
- Tulare?
- Yeah.
179
00:12:04,622 --> 00:12:09,116
He's got a surefire approach
for making a top-rated TV show.
180
00:12:09,193 --> 00:12:11,388
- He does?
- And it's very logical too.
181
00:12:11,462 --> 00:12:14,397
It's been historically proven
that the American people
182
00:12:14,465 --> 00:12:17,696
have always preferred stories
about, number one, Abe Lincoln,
183
00:12:17,768 --> 00:12:20,896
number two, doctors
and number three, dogs.
184
00:12:20,971 --> 00:12:23,940
So the most popular
and highest rated show of all,
185
00:12:24,008 --> 00:12:26,670
would be a show about
Abe Lincoln's doctor's dog.
186
00:12:28,779 --> 00:12:30,508
And that is the kind of a show
187
00:12:30,581 --> 00:12:33,573
your TV friend from Tulare
wants me to make?
188
00:12:33,651 --> 00:12:36,245
Well, actually, he's not
in TV, sir. He's in radio.
189
00:12:36,320 --> 00:12:37,685
- Radio?
- Yes.
190
00:12:37,755 --> 00:12:40,849
- They don't have a TV station up there.
- They don't?
191
00:12:40,925 --> 00:12:43,826
Abraham Lincoln's doctor's dog?
192
00:12:43,894 --> 00:12:45,384
- Yeah.
- Title's kinda long,
193
00:12:45,463 --> 00:12:46,987
but it sounds like a good idea.
194
00:12:47,064 --> 00:12:50,056
Wait in the car.
195
00:12:53,237 --> 00:12:55,728
Now you listen to me, Post.
You get this straight.
196
00:12:55,806 --> 00:12:57,831
Your job here is to deliver the mail.
197
00:12:57,908 --> 00:13:00,570
And that is all you are to do
is to deliver the mail.
198
00:13:00,644 --> 00:13:02,839
I am not interested
in your quacky theories
199
00:13:02,913 --> 00:13:06,747
that come from your quacky teachers
that teach in your quacky night school.
200
00:13:06,817 --> 00:13:10,150
Yes, sir. But actually, in this
case, it wasn't a teacher.
201
00:13:10,221 --> 00:13:14,487
I know what he was!
He was a radio man from Tulare!
202
00:13:15,326 --> 00:13:17,294
Anything important, Jen?
203
00:13:17,361 --> 00:13:20,558
Yes, sir. Mr. Crampton
called from New York.
204
00:13:20,631 --> 00:13:22,861
He did?
Well, why didn't you tell me that?
205
00:13:22,933 --> 00:13:26,300
When the president of the network calls,
don't let me stand around
206
00:13:26,370 --> 00:13:29,066
talking about
Abraham Lincoln's dog's doctor.
207
00:13:29,140 --> 00:13:32,507
Abe Lincoln's doctor's dog, sir.
There's a difference.
208
00:13:32,576 --> 00:13:35,602
I don't care what it is.
How long ago did he call?
209
00:13:35,679 --> 00:13:37,442
- About an hour ago.
- An hour?
210
00:13:37,515 --> 00:13:39,176
You should've called me at home.
211
00:13:39,250 --> 00:13:41,013
Well, I did, but you weren't there.
212
00:13:41,085 --> 00:13:43,519
Your wife said you were
out on some deliveries.
213
00:13:43,587 --> 00:13:46,522
Yeah... deliveries, yeah.
Well, get him on the phone.
214
00:13:46,590 --> 00:13:48,922
He said it wouldn't be
necessary to call back.
215
00:13:48,993 --> 00:13:51,257
Just pick him up
at the airport next Tuesday.
216
00:13:51,328 --> 00:13:55,355
He didn't want to talk to me?
Did he see the ratings?
217
00:13:55,433 --> 00:13:57,697
I imagine he had,
because he asked if you had.
218
00:13:57,768 --> 00:14:01,499
- He did? Where are they?
- No, they're in the other pile.
219
00:14:01,572 --> 00:14:04,040
Why didn't you say so?
I'm under pressure.
220
00:14:08,179 --> 00:14:11,239
- Well, he's sure in a bad mood.
- Steve!
221
00:14:11,315 --> 00:14:15,012
Why did you bring up Abe Lincoln's
doctor's dog on a day like this?
222
00:14:15,085 --> 00:14:17,485
- No!
- I was just trying to help.
223
00:14:17,555 --> 00:14:19,022
Nothing wrong with that.
224
00:14:19,089 --> 00:14:21,853
These are terrible!
These are catastrophic!
225
00:14:21,926 --> 00:14:24,087
- Just relax. You'll be fine.
- Sure.
226
00:14:24,161 --> 00:14:27,255
You just got excited. You took
too much oxygen in your system.
227
00:14:27,331 --> 00:14:29,060
I had an aunt who had that problem.
228
00:14:29,133 --> 00:14:31,567
Used to help to blow into
a paper bag. Ever tried?
229
00:14:31,635 --> 00:14:33,159
I never tried that. Helped?
230
00:14:33,237 --> 00:14:34,898
- She just blew right in...
- Yes.
231
00:14:34,972 --> 00:14:37,236
- Don't you have anything to do?
- Yes, sir.
232
00:14:37,308 --> 00:14:40,436
- Well, do it!
- I'll see you tonight, Jen.
233
00:14:41,078 --> 00:14:44,980
Jen, you know I never interfere in the
personal lives of my employees, but...
234
00:14:45,049 --> 00:14:49,418
how can you stand
that boy? Blow into a paper bag.
235
00:14:49,487 --> 00:14:53,218
I don't know. I guess
I'm just kind of hooked, sir.
236
00:14:56,494 --> 00:14:59,588
There, there, Mama.
Everything is gonna be all right.
237
00:14:59,663 --> 00:15:01,893
You'll get over it, Mama.
Don't worry.
238
00:15:01,966 --> 00:15:02,966
What's the matter?
239
00:15:03,033 --> 00:15:05,763
We've got to go to San Francisco.
240
00:15:14,578 --> 00:15:17,445
Hi. Hey, what's the matter
with the Bernaduccis?
241
00:15:17,515 --> 00:15:19,949
They have to go to San Francisco.
242
00:15:20,017 --> 00:15:23,282
That's what they said. So what's
the matter with San Francisco?
243
00:15:23,354 --> 00:15:25,413
Hey, what's everybody sniffling about?
244
00:15:25,489 --> 00:15:28,424
Mr. Bernaducci's been transferred.
245
00:15:28,492 --> 00:15:31,359
With all that fog and dampness,
they can't take Raffles.
246
00:15:31,428 --> 00:15:34,488
He gets colds too easily.
247
00:15:34,565 --> 00:15:37,398
And after having him all these years.
248
00:15:37,468 --> 00:15:40,266
Don't take it so hard.
What'd they do, stick him in a zoo?
249
00:15:40,337 --> 00:15:44,000
- No.
- Did they put him away or something?
250
00:15:44,074 --> 00:15:46,304
No, not that!
251
00:15:48,379 --> 00:15:50,847
Jen, you didn't take him?
252
00:15:56,287 --> 00:15:58,482
No!
253
00:15:58,556 --> 00:16:00,615
Well, I couldn't let them
put him in a zoo.
254
00:16:00,691 --> 00:16:03,285
I'd have found that real easy to do.
255
00:16:14,338 --> 00:16:17,865
- Do you think he'll be happy here?
- I don't know why you're bothering.
256
00:16:17,942 --> 00:16:20,137
He'll be nothing but trouble.
257
00:16:20,210 --> 00:16:21,734
Steve!
258
00:16:24,682 --> 00:16:26,149
Will you listen to me?
259
00:16:26,216 --> 00:16:29,310
He only had three people
in this world up until tonight.
260
00:16:29,386 --> 00:16:31,377
Mr. And Mrs. Bernaducci and me.
261
00:16:31,455 --> 00:16:34,117
Now he only has me
and I'm not going to let him down.
262
00:16:34,191 --> 00:16:36,216
You're treating him like a human being.
263
00:16:36,293 --> 00:16:39,956
He's just a hard-to-get-along-with,
miserable, spoiled chimp!
264
00:16:40,030 --> 00:16:42,897
Seems to me you're the one
acting hard to get along with.
265
00:16:42,967 --> 00:16:45,834
I'm sorry. Look, can we
just stick him in the bedroom?
266
00:16:45,903 --> 00:16:47,871
I'm not going to do any such thing.
267
00:16:47,938 --> 00:16:51,635
He has been through enough today
without locking him in some bedroom.
268
00:16:51,709 --> 00:16:55,304
Now you just go in and watch TV
with him while I finish dinner.
269
00:17:18,669 --> 00:17:21,661
- What are you doing to him?
- I didn't do anything to him.
270
00:17:23,874 --> 00:17:27,071
He can't see the TV from there.
271
00:17:43,594 --> 00:17:46,529
"Mother Carey's Chickens."
272
00:17:48,532 --> 00:17:51,626
I guess you know,
you're witnessing one of the wildest
273
00:17:51,702 --> 00:17:54,432
slam-bang football games
played anywhere.
274
00:18:02,980 --> 00:18:05,881
Snapped to Humphrey.
He fakes a handoff...
275
00:18:11,255 --> 00:18:13,189
Leave it alone.
276
00:18:13,257 --> 00:18:16,749
What did you do to him now?
277
00:18:16,827 --> 00:18:18,954
Nothing.
I didn't do anything to him.
278
00:18:21,131 --> 00:18:23,122
Steve.
279
00:18:23,200 --> 00:18:25,862
You changed the station.
You can't do that.
280
00:18:25,936 --> 00:18:27,597
What do you mean, I can't do that?
281
00:18:27,671 --> 00:18:30,196
If he likes a program and you change it,
282
00:18:30,274 --> 00:18:32,606
he gets all upset.
He does it to me all the time.
283
00:18:32,676 --> 00:18:35,144
Well, he's not gonna
do it to me. Jen.
284
00:18:35,212 --> 00:18:38,340
Steve, just try and be
a little patient, okay?
285
00:18:38,415 --> 00:18:40,542
Patient, my foot.
You expect me to sit here
286
00:18:40,617 --> 00:18:44,144
and watch a lousy show
called Mother Carey's Chickens?
287
00:18:44,221 --> 00:18:47,679
Well, it's over anyway, so
it doesn't make any difference.
288
00:18:47,758 --> 00:18:51,524
It makes a lot of difference.
That chimp is spoiled rotten.
289
00:18:51,595 --> 00:18:53,324
He's not spoiled. He's lonely.
290
00:18:53,397 --> 00:18:55,592
Now, let him have his
own way tonight, okay?
291
00:18:55,666 --> 00:18:58,464
Steve, would you please pour
the wine? Dinner's ready.
292
00:19:03,040 --> 00:19:05,770
Stay tuned to this station
for Star Journey
293
00:19:05,843 --> 00:19:08,243
which follows immediately.
294
00:19:09,179 --> 00:19:12,478
Star Journey's coming on.
They expect that to rate number one.
295
00:19:12,549 --> 00:19:14,540
Good. I want to see that.
296
00:19:14,618 --> 00:19:19,180
Episode of The Maxwell Family,
the program for all ages.
297
00:19:19,256 --> 00:19:23,192
Maxwells. If you think we're gonna
watch that soap opera, you're crazy.
298
00:19:26,563 --> 00:19:28,531
- What happened now?
- It's that creep.
299
00:19:28,599 --> 00:19:30,567
He doesn't want to watch Star Journey.
300
00:19:30,634 --> 00:19:33,432
- Steve, he's not a creep.
- Well, he sure acts like one.
301
00:19:34,304 --> 00:19:37,296
He did it again.
Jen, will you do something?
302
00:19:37,374 --> 00:19:40,275
Steve, just let him have
his own way tonight, okay?
303
00:19:40,344 --> 00:19:43,802
You mean we can't watch Star Journey
on account of that crummy chimp?
304
00:19:43,881 --> 00:19:46,543
Just tonight. Please?
305
00:19:47,084 --> 00:19:49,279
All right.
306
00:19:50,220 --> 00:19:51,812
With all the pets in the world,
307
00:19:51,889 --> 00:19:55,882
you gotta end up with a chimp
that likes bad TV!
308
00:20:02,699 --> 00:20:06,931
Mother Carey's Chickens
and The Maxwell Family?
309
00:20:07,004 --> 00:20:08,631
Well, who would ever figure
310
00:20:08,705 --> 00:20:11,230
that those two shows would end up on top?
311
00:20:11,308 --> 00:20:13,799
Nobody in this town, that's for sure.
312
00:20:20,050 --> 00:20:22,712
- Hi, Rog.
- Keep moving.
313
00:20:29,159 --> 00:20:31,923
Mother Carey's Chickens
and The Maxwell Family?
314
00:20:45,142 --> 00:20:48,578
- Look, aren't these cute?
- Yeah, they're real cute.
315
00:20:48,645 --> 00:20:52,376
- Steve, show some interest.
- I said, they're real cute.
316
00:20:53,517 --> 00:20:55,849
I think I'll get them all.
317
00:20:58,989 --> 00:21:00,752
Why don't you guys beat it?
318
00:21:00,824 --> 00:21:03,315
We like the chimp, mister.
319
00:21:31,088 --> 00:21:33,818
Now don't do that.
Come on.
320
00:21:35,325 --> 00:21:39,352
Thank you, ladies and gentlemen,
for watching The Fastest Gun.
321
00:21:39,429 --> 00:21:42,193
It is your loyal viewing
that has made our program
322
00:21:42,266 --> 00:21:45,360
one of America's
top-rated shows.
323
00:21:57,080 --> 00:21:58,638
What are you doing here?
324
00:21:58,715 --> 00:22:01,479
I thought I'd spend a
little time with your roommate.
325
00:22:01,551 --> 00:22:04,019
- Well, how'd you get in?
- The landlady.
326
00:22:04,087 --> 00:22:07,056
- She's real nice.
- She sure is.
327
00:22:12,429 --> 00:22:14,727
- Can you beat that?
- Beat what?
328
00:22:14,798 --> 00:22:16,231
Nothing.
329
00:22:16,300 --> 00:22:17,562
- Hey, Jen?
- What?
330
00:22:17,634 --> 00:22:21,070
I know we're gonna go out for supper
tonight, but let's just skip it.
331
00:22:21,138 --> 00:22:22,969
Well, how come?
Why should we?
332
00:22:23,040 --> 00:22:25,531
Well, there's some shows
I wanted to see tonight.
333
00:22:25,609 --> 00:22:28,874
We'll call Chicken Lickin',
it'll be just as much fun, honest.
334
00:23:34,444 --> 00:23:37,880
Why, that little son of a gun.
He picked them all!
335
00:23:37,948 --> 00:23:41,315
7:30 to 12:00.
Holy smoke, he knows!
336
00:23:41,385 --> 00:23:42,784
Jen?
337
00:23:42,853 --> 00:23:45,720
- He knows.
- Who knows?
338
00:23:45,789 --> 00:23:47,950
Animals.
Just like in the westerns.
339
00:23:48,025 --> 00:23:51,688
Nobody sees the rattlesnake because
he's hidden behind the sagebrush.
340
00:23:51,762 --> 00:23:55,220
It's the horse who rears
and saves the cowboy's life.
341
00:23:55,298 --> 00:23:58,096
- He knows!
- I hope so.
342
00:24:00,070 --> 00:24:03,972
You're gonna thank
your lucky stars I came along.
343
00:24:04,775 --> 00:24:07,539
You'll kiss the ground I walk on.
344
00:24:09,613 --> 00:24:10,841
I will?
345
00:24:11,515 --> 00:24:15,076
He knows. He knows!
346
00:24:20,390 --> 00:24:22,790
If it happened once,
it might be an accident.
347
00:24:22,859 --> 00:24:27,762
But he picks the number one show
every single night! He knows!
348
00:24:34,204 --> 00:24:36,934
Hey. He knows.
349
00:24:53,423 --> 00:24:56,517
- I'm gonna be rich.
- Well, that's just wonderful.
350
00:24:56,593 --> 00:24:59,790
- Now may I see your driver's license?
- Sure.
351
00:25:01,131 --> 00:25:04,623
Thank you. Okay.
352
00:25:15,679 --> 00:25:18,842
You look just like a friend of mine.
353
00:25:29,826 --> 00:25:31,919
- Steve!
- For you!
354
00:25:31,995 --> 00:25:34,520
Steve, they're beautiful!
355
00:25:35,198 --> 00:25:37,598
But you really shouldn't
have spent the money.
356
00:25:37,667 --> 00:25:40,534
Don't worry. There'll be a lot
more where that came from.
357
00:25:40,604 --> 00:25:44,267
You know, it's a funny thing. Everything
seems to be going wrong for you.
358
00:25:44,341 --> 00:25:47,071
One day you turn a corner
and your whole life changes.
359
00:25:47,144 --> 00:25:49,772
All of a sudden you got the world
in your hip pocket.
360
00:25:49,846 --> 00:25:52,713
- It's amazing, isn't it?
- Yeah.
361
00:25:55,418 --> 00:25:59,013
Raffles?
Hey, where is he, Jen?
362
00:25:59,089 --> 00:26:02,252
- He's with Roger.
- Roger?
363
00:26:02,325 --> 00:26:04,316
Yeah, they left about ten minutes ago.
364
00:26:04,394 --> 00:26:05,918
Why? What for?
Where'd he go?
365
00:26:05,996 --> 00:26:07,224
They went for a walk.
366
00:26:07,297 --> 00:26:09,026
He went for a walk with that creep?
367
00:26:09,099 --> 00:26:11,499
I told you before, he's not a creep!
368
00:26:11,568 --> 00:26:14,628
How could you do this to me?
369
00:26:33,156 --> 00:26:36,455
- Hi, Rog.
- Hi. What are you doing here?
370
00:26:36,526 --> 00:26:38,858
You were taking a walk.
I thought I'd join you.
371
00:26:38,929 --> 00:26:42,421
You know, there is something
really weird going on here.
372
00:26:42,499 --> 00:26:43,761
What?
373
00:26:43,833 --> 00:26:47,132
I... I think that chimp
actually likes TV.
374
00:26:49,272 --> 00:26:50,899
You've gotta be kidding.
375
00:26:50,974 --> 00:26:53,636
No, he actually seems to be entertained.
376
00:26:53,710 --> 00:26:56,577
- Look, he really likes it.
- No, no. It's just the lights.
377
00:26:56,646 --> 00:27:00,173
Certain light attracts certain animals.
That's a scientific fact.
378
00:27:00,250 --> 00:27:01,911
I never heard that.
379
00:27:01,985 --> 00:27:05,182
You didn't know that?
I thought everybody knew that.
380
00:27:05,255 --> 00:27:07,348
I learned that at Moonrise Night School.
381
00:27:07,424 --> 00:27:09,915
On Melrose Avenue?
382
00:27:11,161 --> 00:27:13,152
- What's the matter?
- I don't know.
383
00:27:13,230 --> 00:27:15,755
I've never seen him act like this.
What did you do?
384
00:27:15,832 --> 00:27:19,427
I didn't do anything to him.
Look, he's gone mad!
385
00:27:19,502 --> 00:27:22,096
Well, you must've stepped
on his paw or something.
386
00:27:22,172 --> 00:27:24,834
How could I step
on his paw from over here?
387
00:27:26,042 --> 00:27:29,136
Good heav...
388
00:27:29,946 --> 00:27:32,847
Excuse me. Here, let me
help you. I'm terribly sorry.
389
00:27:37,120 --> 00:27:38,644
Good. We got it.
390
00:27:38,722 --> 00:27:40,815
Come on, fellow.
We're all through here.
391
00:27:40,890 --> 00:27:43,484
Vicious little...
Keep that ape away from me.
392
00:27:43,560 --> 00:27:45,357
- Come on. Over here.
- On the table.
393
00:27:45,428 --> 00:27:48,488
Thank heaven you're here.
You can't believe what happened.
394
00:27:48,565 --> 00:27:51,966
- We're not finished yet.
- Rog, don't worry about a thing.
395
00:27:52,035 --> 00:27:54,469
We've got the bail.
We'll have you out in no time.
396
00:27:54,537 --> 00:27:58,405
How could you let me be associated
with a beast like that? He's a monster.
397
00:27:58,475 --> 00:28:02,070
He's not a monster. Something
just got into him, that's all.
398
00:28:16,826 --> 00:28:19,590
Maybe he just doesn't like basketball.
399
00:28:19,663 --> 00:28:22,689
He doesn't?
I happen to like it very...
400
00:28:24,601 --> 00:28:26,694
That thing's not a monster?
401
00:28:26,770 --> 00:28:29,034
That's gonna cost you 75 bucks.
402
00:28:29,873 --> 00:28:33,036
- For what? That?
- Come on, fella.
403
00:28:33,109 --> 00:28:36,010
It's gonna cost at least 75 bucks
to get that thing fixed.
404
00:28:36,079 --> 00:28:38,479
Okay. Who do I pay
to bail the chimp out?
405
00:28:38,548 --> 00:28:42,882
- We take care of it right here.
- Wait a minute. What about me?
406
00:28:42,952 --> 00:28:44,476
Gee, I'm sorry, Rog.
407
00:28:44,554 --> 00:28:47,182
I'm out of money.
I gotta get some more. Don't worry.
408
00:28:47,691 --> 00:28:51,684
You're bailing that chimp out and
letting me stay here in this dump?
409
00:28:51,761 --> 00:28:53,422
Wait just a minute, mac.
410
00:28:53,496 --> 00:28:56,590
This is a pretty nice place.
We happen to like it down here.
411
00:28:56,666 --> 00:28:58,827
Well, you have to. I don't.
412
00:28:59,369 --> 00:29:02,065
Steve, we aren't gonna leave Roger here?
413
00:29:02,138 --> 00:29:05,505
Gee, we've gotta be realistic
about this thing, Jen. I mean...
414
00:29:05,575 --> 00:29:08,510
It's Roger or the chimp,
and this is no place for a chimp.
415
00:29:08,578 --> 00:29:11,513
Well, it's no place for me, either!
416
00:29:11,581 --> 00:29:13,515
Wave goodbye to Uncle Roger now.
417
00:29:16,686 --> 00:29:18,711
Miserable chimp.
418
00:29:20,156 --> 00:29:22,852
- Poor little guy.
- Poor little guy, my foot.
419
00:29:22,926 --> 00:29:25,019
It's back to the Bernaduccis for him.
420
00:29:25,095 --> 00:29:27,120
No, wait a minute.
You can't do that.
421
00:29:27,197 --> 00:29:29,028
What are you getting excited about?
422
00:29:29,099 --> 00:29:30,760
- I need him!
- You need him?
423
00:29:30,834 --> 00:29:32,825
I mean, I don't need him.
424
00:29:32,902 --> 00:29:35,928
Why would you wanna give
a poor little guy like this away?
425
00:29:36,005 --> 00:29:37,404
I mean, that's inhumane!
426
00:29:37,474 --> 00:29:39,840
Inhumane?
He's the one that's inhumane.
427
00:29:39,909 --> 00:29:43,003
He's already broken two TV sets
and a plate glass window.
428
00:29:43,079 --> 00:29:46,310
Look, Jen, maybe he's trying
to get something out of his system.
429
00:29:46,383 --> 00:29:48,442
Just give him a few days.
He'll be okay.
430
00:29:50,420 --> 00:29:52,217
Okay, I'll give him till Saturday.
431
00:29:52,288 --> 00:29:55,689
Good. By Saturday, he'll be
acting like a different chimp.
432
00:29:55,759 --> 00:29:57,283
I guarantee it.
433
00:30:28,825 --> 00:30:32,488
- I just can't understand it.
- Understand what?
434
00:30:32,562 --> 00:30:35,326
Why he'd give me tickets
to take you to the ball game.
435
00:30:35,398 --> 00:30:37,662
That's because you
don't understand Steve.
436
00:30:37,734 --> 00:30:39,827
He has a lot of nice qualities about him.
437
00:30:40,870 --> 00:30:42,701
Like what?
438
00:30:42,772 --> 00:30:44,501
Well, he's charitable.
439
00:30:44,574 --> 00:30:46,872
He gave you tickets
to take me to the game.
440
00:30:46,943 --> 00:30:50,174
Yeah, but I still think
there's some motive behind that.
441
00:30:50,246 --> 00:30:53,340
And he's honest.
Nobody can say he's not honest.
442
00:30:53,416 --> 00:30:55,680
And as far as being trustworthy,
443
00:30:55,752 --> 00:30:58,516
I don't know anyone
I would trust more than Steve.
444
00:30:58,588 --> 00:31:00,579
And he's loyal and brave and...
445
00:31:00,657 --> 00:31:04,457
Jen, will you forget it? You're
making him sound like a boy scout.
446
00:31:17,474 --> 00:31:19,965
Come on, Raffles.
447
00:31:51,341 --> 00:31:55,607
You have to believe me. I've got a
scientific approach to rating TV shows.
448
00:31:55,678 --> 00:31:59,205
It'll revolutionize this whole industry.
We can put UBC right on top.
449
00:31:59,282 --> 00:32:01,113
Jen, I'm going to be very busy today.
450
00:32:01,184 --> 00:32:06,622
Will you see to it that I am not
disturbed unless absolutely necessary?
451
00:32:11,060 --> 00:32:14,086
I've got the key to this industry,
and he won't listen to me.
452
00:32:14,163 --> 00:32:16,791
Steve, just leave
Mr. Wilbanks alone today.
453
00:32:16,866 --> 00:32:18,891
Mr. Crampton's coming in
from New York,
454
00:32:18,968 --> 00:32:20,458
and he's nervous as a kitten.
455
00:32:20,537 --> 00:32:22,937
Wait a minute.
Crampton's coming in tomorrow?
456
00:32:23,006 --> 00:32:26,373
That's perfect. Look,
I won't be able to see you tonight.
457
00:32:26,442 --> 00:32:28,910
I've got some homework I want to do.
458
00:32:42,492 --> 00:32:44,517
The programs of this station...
459
00:32:44,594 --> 00:32:49,190
Okay, 12:30 to 1:00, channel 18.
460
00:32:49,265 --> 00:32:52,200
Okay, that does it.
You can go to bed now.
461
00:32:52,268 --> 00:32:53,860
You've had a hard day's work.
462
00:32:53,937 --> 00:32:56,872
And if this doesn't convince them,
I don't know what will.
463
00:33:00,743 --> 00:33:02,677
"Dear Mr. Crampton."
464
00:33:02,745 --> 00:33:06,010
As a loyal member of the United
Broadcasting Corporation,
465
00:33:06,082 --> 00:33:11,247
I must tell you that I seem
to have a strange ability
466
00:33:11,321 --> 00:33:13,221
which enables me to pick the shows
467
00:33:13,289 --> 00:33:16,087
"the American people like best."
468
00:33:26,202 --> 00:33:28,830
Hey, Mertons, the old limo's
looking pretty slick.
469
00:33:28,905 --> 00:33:31,840
It better.
I have to pick up the big man.
470
00:33:31,908 --> 00:33:34,604
Yeah, I heard about that.
Hey, listen.
471
00:33:34,677 --> 00:33:36,804
Would you mind slipping this to Crampton?
472
00:33:36,879 --> 00:33:38,141
No, I can't do that.
473
00:33:38,214 --> 00:33:41,877
If the boss caught me passing your
notes to the chief...
474
00:33:41,951 --> 00:33:44,010
Don't worry. I got something big.
475
00:33:44,087 --> 00:33:47,579
It's our chance to put the network
on top. I can prove it to Crampton.
476
00:33:47,657 --> 00:33:50,683
Our network on top?
477
00:33:50,760 --> 00:33:52,352
Forget it.
478
00:33:54,364 --> 00:33:57,026
Guess I was mistaken.
You're another one of those.
479
00:33:57,100 --> 00:33:58,567
Wait a minute.
480
00:34:00,503 --> 00:34:02,061
Another one of those what?
481
00:34:02,138 --> 00:34:05,039
One of those who has something
against young people.
482
00:34:05,108 --> 00:34:07,099
I never said that.
483
00:34:07,176 --> 00:34:09,872
What's wrong with a young
man getting ahead, anyway?
484
00:34:09,946 --> 00:34:13,473
I mean, didn't William Pitt
become prime minister of England at 24?
485
00:34:13,549 --> 00:34:15,244
What about Alexander Hamilton?
486
00:34:15,318 --> 00:34:18,082
He signed the Declaration
of Independence at 19.
487
00:34:18,154 --> 00:34:21,453
Alexander the Great. How old
was he when he conquered Macedonia?
488
00:34:22,225 --> 00:34:23,954
- I forget.
- And Louis XIV.
489
00:34:24,027 --> 00:34:27,929
The greatest ruler France had. You know,
he became king at the age of four.
490
00:34:27,997 --> 00:34:28,997
Four?
491
00:34:29,065 --> 00:34:32,626
There was even a British king who
took over when he was nine months old.
492
00:34:32,702 --> 00:34:36,695
I can go through history and show people
that became great leaders at early ages.
493
00:34:36,773 --> 00:34:39,640
Yeah, but what's that got to do with...
494
00:34:39,709 --> 00:34:43,145
Here he comes. I know you'll find
the time to slip it to Mr. Crampton.
495
00:34:43,212 --> 00:34:45,112
- Morning, Mr. Wilbanks.
- Morning.
496
00:34:45,181 --> 00:34:47,081
- Have a nice trip.
- Have a nice trip?
497
00:34:47,150 --> 00:34:48,742
I'm only going to the airport.
498
00:34:48,818 --> 00:34:51,480
Well, have a nice trip to the airport.
499
00:34:51,554 --> 00:34:55,456
Something must be wrong, Wilbanks.
We're always third in the ratings.
500
00:34:55,525 --> 00:34:59,017
Which would be all right, but
there are only three networks!
501
00:34:59,095 --> 00:35:02,963
We come up with loser after
loser, disaster after disaster.
502
00:35:03,032 --> 00:35:06,559
But chief, I've been through
47 pilot films this year...
503
00:35:06,636 --> 00:35:09,799
Well, maybe it's your staff.
Have you got experienced people?
504
00:35:09,872 --> 00:35:12,102
Well, experience is hard
to come by, chief.
505
00:35:12,175 --> 00:35:14,575
All you've got available
to you are young kids,
506
00:35:14,644 --> 00:35:17,704
running around, trying to tell
you how to run your business.
507
00:35:17,780 --> 00:35:20,510
Speaking of kids telling you
how to run your business,
508
00:35:20,583 --> 00:35:22,210
this is for you, Mr. Crampton.
509
00:35:23,820 --> 00:35:25,651
Is that from Steven Post?
510
00:35:25,722 --> 00:35:28,850
Why would you bother the chief with that?
511
00:35:28,925 --> 00:35:31,257
Isn't it bad enough
that I'm bothered by him?
512
00:35:31,327 --> 00:35:35,195
He says he's got a foolproof method
of determining the top-rated programs.
513
00:35:35,264 --> 00:35:37,425
He's ambitious.
514
00:35:37,500 --> 00:35:39,866
He's rated all of last night's shows.
515
00:35:39,936 --> 00:35:42,928
"Check with the overnight ratings.
You'll see I'm right."
516
00:35:43,005 --> 00:35:44,836
Don't pay any attention to that kid.
517
00:35:44,907 --> 00:35:49,003
He'll drive you nuts. He's 21 years old,
and thinks he should run the network.
518
00:35:49,078 --> 00:35:51,945
Well, I don't think age has
anything to do with it, boss.
519
00:35:52,014 --> 00:35:54,778
- I didn't ask you!
- What's wrong with a young man
520
00:35:54,851 --> 00:35:57,046
running the network?
Look at William Pitt.
521
00:35:57,120 --> 00:35:59,953
He was only 24,
and he was president of England.
522
00:36:00,022 --> 00:36:04,049
And Alexander the Great. How old was he
when he conquered Macedonia?
523
00:36:04,127 --> 00:36:06,721
How would I know?
Just drive the car.
524
00:36:06,796 --> 00:36:10,254
Look at all them little kids
that was kings of different countries.
525
00:36:10,333 --> 00:36:12,927
Like this little kid
that was only four years old,
526
00:36:13,002 --> 00:36:16,130
and he was king of France.
And there's one kid,
527
00:36:16,205 --> 00:36:19,106
he was the king of England,
he was only nine months!
528
00:36:19,175 --> 00:36:24,078
Nine months? A person became
king of England at nine months?
529
00:36:24,147 --> 00:36:26,115
I don't remember anything about that.
530
00:36:26,182 --> 00:36:28,047
You don't?
531
00:36:31,020 --> 00:36:34,512
- Tell him to drive the car.
- Drive the car.
532
00:36:41,364 --> 00:36:44,094
You rated every show
exactly like our rating service.
533
00:36:44,167 --> 00:36:46,067
How'd you do that, young man?
534
00:36:46,135 --> 00:36:48,763
I guess I just have an instinct
for what people like.
535
00:36:48,838 --> 00:36:51,466
He's got an instinct for
getting people in trouble.
536
00:36:51,541 --> 00:36:52,541
Just a minute.
537
00:36:52,608 --> 00:36:54,599
- You can't listen to punks.
- Francis.
538
00:36:56,078 --> 00:36:57,943
Francis!
539
00:36:58,548 --> 00:37:01,608
I'm out here to replace
some shows that...
540
00:37:01,684 --> 00:37:03,811
Well, they're not doing too well.
541
00:37:03,886 --> 00:37:06,446
How would you like to look
at some new films with me?
542
00:37:06,522 --> 00:37:08,854
- I'd be honored.
- That's carrying it too far.
543
00:37:08,925 --> 00:37:11,359
I think I could do a lot better
if I took them home.
544
00:37:11,427 --> 00:37:13,987
My powers of concentration
are stronger that way.
545
00:37:14,063 --> 00:37:15,997
Never mind.
546
00:37:16,065 --> 00:37:18,693
No film leaves this studio.
That's company policy.
547
00:37:18,768 --> 00:37:21,236
He's right.
Just be in our viewing room at 6:00.
548
00:37:21,304 --> 00:37:25,673
Francis, we'll see how good
the boy really is.
549
00:37:43,826 --> 00:37:46,317
That looks good.
It's encouraging.
550
00:37:47,463 --> 00:37:50,489
Yeah, I think we're on the right track.
551
00:37:50,566 --> 00:37:53,296
- What was that?
- What?
552
00:37:53,369 --> 00:37:54,734
What was that?
553
00:37:54,804 --> 00:37:57,932
One of our plumbers, sir.
He's a terrific little guy. Really.
554
00:37:58,007 --> 00:38:01,340
Shortest plumber I've ever seen.
I hope you're paying minimum.
555
00:38:01,410 --> 00:38:03,503
- I don't hire the plumbers.
- You coming?
556
00:38:03,579 --> 00:38:06,412
- I'll be right up.
- Find out who hires plumbers.
557
00:38:56,032 --> 00:38:58,967
Stan, don't use the mail elevator
for a couple of minutes.
558
00:38:59,035 --> 00:39:01,902
- I got some important stuff on it.
- Sure, Steve.
559
00:39:16,419 --> 00:39:18,819
Jen! Hi.
560
00:39:18,888 --> 00:39:21,755
What have you been up to?
I've been looking for you all day.
561
00:39:21,824 --> 00:39:25,658
Kind of in and out.
You know how it is. What's up?
562
00:39:25,728 --> 00:39:29,391
Well, I wanted to talk to you.
I'm worried about my chimp.
563
00:39:29,465 --> 00:39:32,332
He's calmed down like
you said, but maybe too much.
564
00:39:32,401 --> 00:39:36,132
- What do you mean?
- He doesn't seem to be himself.
565
00:39:36,205 --> 00:39:38,605
He has no energy, no spunk, nothing.
566
00:39:38,674 --> 00:39:40,972
He's even stopped watching TV.
567
00:39:41,043 --> 00:39:43,739
He probably got a hold of
bad bananas or something.
568
00:39:43,813 --> 00:39:46,247
Bananas?
Would they bother a chimp?
569
00:39:46,315 --> 00:39:49,648
Sure. If he got a hold
of some bad ones, they would.
570
00:39:56,692 --> 00:39:59,388
Steve, what's the matter with you?
You seem nervous.
571
00:39:59,462 --> 00:40:01,692
I gotta go to that screening.
572
00:40:01,764 --> 00:40:03,732
You know, big shots and everything.
573
00:40:03,799 --> 00:40:06,632
It's already started.
What are you standing here for?
574
00:40:06,702 --> 00:40:09,865
I was just waiting
for some mail to come up.
575
00:40:09,939 --> 00:40:12,066
Then you have to push the button.
576
00:40:14,377 --> 00:40:17,642
Yeah. I was just thinking
about doing that.
577
00:40:20,950 --> 00:40:22,349
What is the matter with you?
578
00:40:22,418 --> 00:40:24,648
You act like you're
trying to get rid of me.
579
00:40:24,720 --> 00:40:28,247
Jen, you know
I'd never do a thing like that.
580
00:40:30,493 --> 00:40:32,620
If you want a ride home,
you better come on.
581
00:40:32,695 --> 00:40:34,356
Okay.
582
00:40:36,732 --> 00:40:40,793
You know, Steve,
sometimes you act really weird.
583
00:40:42,405 --> 00:40:45,704
I'll see you later, Jen.
584
00:41:08,164 --> 00:41:10,792
Is that you, Post?
585
00:41:10,866 --> 00:41:12,527
Yes, sir. Sorry I'm late.
586
00:41:12,601 --> 00:41:14,535
Yes. Well, we're showing a few scenes
587
00:41:14,603 --> 00:41:16,434
from The Happy Harringtons first.
588
00:41:16,505 --> 00:41:19,303
We're confident
it's our strongest replacement show.
589
00:41:19,375 --> 00:41:21,343
But feel free to have your own opinion.
590
00:41:21,410 --> 00:41:22,843
Thank you, sir.
591
00:41:29,418 --> 00:41:31,978
- What was that?
- I didn't say anything.
592
00:41:32,054 --> 00:41:33,988
I get asthma every once in a while.
593
00:41:34,056 --> 00:41:37,617
You better have that checked.
That's the worst I've heard.
594
00:41:40,262 --> 00:41:43,561
Post, if you don't like
the show, just say so!
595
00:41:43,632 --> 00:41:45,463
I'm sorry, sir.
596
00:41:45,534 --> 00:41:48,230
I, I think I'll get my asthma spray.
597
00:41:48,304 --> 00:41:50,534
I keep it in the projection booth.
598
00:41:50,606 --> 00:41:54,201
Why would he keep his
asthma spray in the projection booth?
599
00:41:54,276 --> 00:41:58,610
- Well, he... I don't know.
- You don't know.
600
00:41:58,681 --> 00:42:01,206
Can you ever answer anything
but "I don't know"?
601
00:42:01,283 --> 00:42:02,443
- Stevie.
- Hi, Tom.
602
00:42:02,518 --> 00:42:04,782
What do you got,
a replacement for Wilbanks?
603
00:42:04,854 --> 00:42:07,118
No, he's a pet.
I'm watching him for a friend.
604
00:42:07,189 --> 00:42:08,656
Hey, he's really great.
605
00:42:08,724 --> 00:42:11,215
I gotta go back.
How about him watching from here?
606
00:42:11,293 --> 00:42:13,227
- He won't be any problem.
- Sure.
607
00:42:13,295 --> 00:42:16,958
I'm glad to have someone to talk to.
It gets lonely in here by yourself.
608
00:42:18,634 --> 00:42:21,432
Now, don't let me down.
Thanks a lot, Tom.
609
00:42:21,504 --> 00:42:23,631
Sure, Steve.
610
00:42:31,480 --> 00:42:34,005
UBC proudly presents...
611
00:42:36,819 --> 00:42:39,515
Devil Dan!
612
00:42:41,157 --> 00:42:44,320
Dumb kid. I told him to save
this for the last, chief.
613
00:42:44,393 --> 00:42:46,588
I'm sorry about this. Save it!
614
00:42:46,662 --> 00:42:49,893
I know it isn't much,
but we have to look at them all.
615
00:42:49,965 --> 00:42:51,432
Don't save it!
616
00:42:56,272 --> 00:42:58,433
Devil Dan?
Audience appeal?
617
00:42:58,507 --> 00:43:00,907
- You've gotta be kidding.
- Not at all.
618
00:43:00,976 --> 00:43:03,604
Devil Dan would start
this network to the top.
619
00:43:03,679 --> 00:43:06,045
Yes, well, my boy,
I think we at the network
620
00:43:06,115 --> 00:43:08,310
have our fingers
on the pulse of the public,
621
00:43:08,384 --> 00:43:10,284
and it reads Happy Harringtons to us.
622
00:43:10,352 --> 00:43:14,982
But sir, people just won't buy that
stuff anymore. That show is a dog.
623
00:43:15,057 --> 00:43:17,651
Well, yes, we do appreciate
your suggestion.
624
00:43:17,726 --> 00:43:21,059
If we ever need you again,
we'll be sure and get in touch.
625
00:43:22,765 --> 00:43:26,633
- Ruthless, bald audacity.
- That's what I'm trying to tell you.
626
00:43:26,702 --> 00:43:28,932
That boy is blind to everything human...
627
00:43:29,004 --> 00:43:30,904
Figure a way to quietly get rid of him.
628
00:43:30,973 --> 00:43:32,065
I can handle that.
629
00:43:32,141 --> 00:43:36,077
I'm going east, I'll take care
of things there. Get hold of publicity.
630
00:43:36,145 --> 00:43:39,308
The Happy Harringtons
are replacing Riot Squadron Saturday.
631
00:43:39,381 --> 00:43:41,246
Tell them we want a big splurge on it.
632
00:43:41,317 --> 00:43:44,013
Right, chief. I'll take care
of it on this end. Right.
633
00:43:44,086 --> 00:43:46,554
They just won't listen.
Nobody will listen.
634
00:43:46,622 --> 00:43:49,147
They were nice enough
to ask you to see the film.
635
00:43:49,225 --> 00:43:51,693
You gave them your opinion,
they didn't like it.
636
00:43:51,760 --> 00:43:54,228
- You can't blame them.
- But they're wrong, Jen.
637
00:43:54,296 --> 00:43:56,389
Well, how do you know they're wrong?
638
00:43:56,465 --> 00:44:00,265
I just know it. I really know it!
639
00:44:01,403 --> 00:44:03,735
And I know of a way
to make them listen too.
640
00:45:00,663 --> 00:45:03,325
Can I have your attention?
Your attention.
641
00:45:03,399 --> 00:45:06,334
Thank you. I want you all
to make yourselves comfortable,
642
00:45:06,402 --> 00:45:08,370
and I want you to enjoy yourselves.
643
00:45:08,437 --> 00:45:12,737
But I would suggest that you hold
your applause until after the show.
644
00:45:12,808 --> 00:45:15,368
That way you won't miss any of the jokes.
645
00:45:25,788 --> 00:45:30,122
Ladies and gentlemen,
stay tuned for UBC's hilarious new show,
646
00:45:30,192 --> 00:45:33,821
The Happy Harringtons!
647
00:45:33,896 --> 00:45:36,456
UBC proudly presents...
648
00:45:39,335 --> 00:45:41,394
Devil Dan!
649
00:45:41,470 --> 00:45:44,030
- Devil Dan?
- How did that happen?
650
00:45:44,106 --> 00:45:47,633
What's going on here? In all my years,
I've never seen this happen.
651
00:45:47,710 --> 00:45:49,905
It's those boobs
in the transmitting room.
652
00:45:49,978 --> 00:45:52,776
I'll get to the bottom of this
if I have to fire every one.
653
00:45:52,848 --> 00:45:54,315
Get me a phone.
654
00:45:54,383 --> 00:45:57,147
There's no sense in calling anyone.
655
00:45:57,219 --> 00:45:59,244
You see, I changed the program.
656
00:45:59,321 --> 00:46:01,221
You?
657
00:46:01,290 --> 00:46:04,157
Yes, sir. I know it may seem
a little upsetting right now,
658
00:46:04,226 --> 00:46:07,923
but believe me, it's in the
best interest of the company.
659
00:46:07,996 --> 00:46:12,365
Do you realize that you have
altered the will of a network?
660
00:46:12,434 --> 00:46:15,870
And I, I suppose you want me to resign?
661
00:46:15,938 --> 00:46:18,031
No. You're fired.
662
00:46:23,779 --> 00:46:25,872
Mr. Wilbanks,
New York on the phone.
663
00:46:25,948 --> 00:46:29,145
That's Crampton!
What am I going to tell Crampton?
664
00:46:34,523 --> 00:46:37,720
- Steve.
- Hey, look, Jen, don't worry.
665
00:46:37,793 --> 00:46:40,091
Everything's gonna be okay, really.
666
00:46:45,467 --> 00:46:48,368
Big dummy.
667
00:46:48,437 --> 00:46:50,701
You see?
That's what happens
668
00:46:50,773 --> 00:46:52,900
when you have a Moonrise Night School man
669
00:46:52,975 --> 00:46:55,569
in the network business.
670
00:46:55,644 --> 00:46:57,874
Why don't you shut up?
671
00:47:18,033 --> 00:47:19,660
- Hi.
- Hi.
672
00:47:19,735 --> 00:47:22,363
- Where are you going?
- I guess I'll get a hamburger.
673
00:47:22,438 --> 00:47:24,565
Well, I'm kinda hungry too.
674
00:47:25,307 --> 00:47:27,867
Look, Jen, maybe you'd
better go back inside.
675
00:47:27,943 --> 00:47:29,501
I mean,
676
00:47:29,578 --> 00:47:32,706
I'm not really the most popular guy
in the world right now.
677
00:47:48,564 --> 00:47:51,761
You really want a hamburger?
678
00:47:51,834 --> 00:47:53,961
You look kinda funny riding back there.
679
00:47:54,036 --> 00:47:57,437
Who said I was afraid of looking funny?
680
00:48:13,622 --> 00:48:15,351
Holy mackerel!
681
00:48:15,757 --> 00:48:18,749
Good morning,
Mr. Wilbanks!
682
00:48:22,064 --> 00:48:25,727
Mr. Wilbanks!
Say, that was really something.
683
00:48:25,801 --> 00:48:28,770
A real touch of genius.
Congratulations.
684
00:48:29,638 --> 00:48:31,196
Thank you.
685
00:48:33,041 --> 00:48:34,406
- Good morning.
- Morning.
686
00:48:34,476 --> 00:48:35,909
Hey, that was terrific.
687
00:48:35,978 --> 00:48:39,141
How'd you come up with something
like that? Congratulations.
688
00:48:39,214 --> 00:48:41,307
I beg your pardon?
689
00:48:43,485 --> 00:48:47,182
Very clever, Wilbanks.
Congratulations.
690
00:48:47,256 --> 00:48:49,952
Thank you. Thank you.
691
00:48:50,025 --> 00:48:52,687
- Just a minute.
- Can you tell me what all...
692
00:48:52,761 --> 00:48:55,696
- Mr. Wilbanks, New York.
- Hello?
693
00:48:55,764 --> 00:48:59,325
What time do you get to work? I've
spent half the day trying to reach you.
694
00:48:59,401 --> 00:49:02,029
You see, there's a
three hour time difference,
695
00:49:02,104 --> 00:49:05,733
and where it's 12:00 noon
in New York, out here it's only...
696
00:49:05,807 --> 00:49:08,935
Don't tell me what time it is
in New York. Get him!
697
00:49:09,011 --> 00:49:11,571
- Who?
- Who?
698
00:49:11,647 --> 00:49:13,706
Haven't you read the trade papers yet?
699
00:49:13,782 --> 00:49:16,216
Trade papers?
700
00:49:19,054 --> 00:49:22,023
- Wilbanks?
- No! How...
701
00:49:22,090 --> 00:49:25,719
- Wilbanks, are you there?
- Yes, I'm... I'm here.
702
00:49:25,794 --> 00:49:27,921
Well, listen, sign him to a contract.
703
00:49:27,996 --> 00:49:30,624
We don't want anyone
stealing him from us.
704
00:49:30,699 --> 00:49:33,224
But, chief, I fired him.
705
00:49:33,302 --> 00:49:36,100
- You what?
- Well, don't you remember?
706
00:49:36,171 --> 00:49:38,696
I told you on the phone,
and you told me...
707
00:49:38,774 --> 00:49:40,901
Don't tell me what I told you.
708
00:49:40,976 --> 00:49:44,104
I know what I told you.
Just get that boy back.
709
00:49:44,913 --> 00:49:47,245
He's a genius!
710
00:49:47,316 --> 00:49:49,284
I'll certainly do my best, chief,
711
00:49:49,351 --> 00:49:50,750
but I don't know whether...
712
00:49:50,819 --> 00:49:52,548
Of course you don't know whether.
713
00:49:52,621 --> 00:49:55,647
I'll be out tomorrow.
Have that boy in your office at 1:00.
714
00:49:55,724 --> 00:49:57,157
And have the press there.
715
00:49:57,225 --> 00:49:59,853
From now on, I'll manage this myself!
716
00:49:59,928 --> 00:50:02,829
On behalf of the board of
directors of this network,
717
00:50:02,898 --> 00:50:06,698
I take great pleasure
in the following announcement.
718
00:50:06,768 --> 00:50:09,931
Steven Post has been made
our new program director.
719
00:50:10,005 --> 00:50:13,736
- A boy that age, program director?
- What's the matter with a boy that age?
720
00:50:13,809 --> 00:50:15,003
Look at William Pitt.
721
00:50:15,077 --> 00:50:17,739
He was prime minister
of England when he was only 24.
722
00:50:17,813 --> 00:50:22,147
And Alexander the Great? How old
was he when he conquered Macedonia?
723
00:50:22,217 --> 00:50:24,242
No, we here at the network
724
00:50:24,319 --> 00:50:28,153
are convinced that Steven Post
is a young man of unique talent,
725
00:50:28,223 --> 00:50:30,714
well-qualified to join
the executive team
726
00:50:30,792 --> 00:50:33,818
that will lead UBC to the very top.
727
00:50:33,895 --> 00:50:36,022
If the kid's going
to be program director,
728
00:50:36,098 --> 00:50:37,963
what's going to happen to Wilbanks?
729
00:50:38,033 --> 00:50:41,594
We haven't forgotten
Mr. Wilbanks. He's moved on too.
730
00:50:41,670 --> 00:50:46,369
He'll be vice president
in charge of cultural relations.
731
00:50:46,441 --> 00:50:49,137
- What's that?
- We'll let Wilbanks explain.
732
00:50:49,211 --> 00:50:52,874
- What is it, Mr. Wilbanks?
- That's very...
733
00:50:52,948 --> 00:50:57,817
You see, whenever we have the...
I don't know what it is.
734
00:51:01,890 --> 00:51:04,757
Steve, it's so wonderful.
735
00:51:05,327 --> 00:51:09,821
Yeah.
Yeah, well...
736
00:51:09,898 --> 00:51:12,093
Mr. Crampton thought
I ought to have a place
737
00:51:12,167 --> 00:51:14,431
where I can kinda, entertain and stuff.
738
00:51:14,503 --> 00:51:16,733
On account of my new job, you know?
739
00:51:16,805 --> 00:51:18,898
Steve, I'm so happy for you.
740
00:51:18,974 --> 00:51:21,943
You should be so proud of yourself.
741
00:51:22,010 --> 00:51:24,444
And just think,
you did it all on your own.
742
00:51:24,513 --> 00:51:26,879
Yeah.
743
00:51:39,661 --> 00:51:41,526
Hey!
744
00:51:45,133 --> 00:51:48,625
Come on, sweetheart.
Thattaboy. Come on, baby.
745
00:51:48,704 --> 00:51:51,468
Thattaboy. There you go.
746
00:51:51,540 --> 00:51:54,566
Yeah, I love you too.
Watch the movie.
747
00:52:00,515 --> 00:52:02,005
How about this one, Post?
748
00:52:02,084 --> 00:52:04,109
- I don't know yet.
- He doesn't know yet.
749
00:52:04,186 --> 00:52:06,677
No, he wants to run it.
750
00:52:17,566 --> 00:52:19,500
- It's good.
- Another winner.
751
00:52:19,568 --> 00:52:21,593
Yeah, yeah, he likes it.
752
00:52:21,670 --> 00:52:23,604
Yeah.
753
00:52:48,697 --> 00:52:51,029
Congratulations, Steve.
754
00:52:52,934 --> 00:52:54,333
On what?
755
00:52:54,402 --> 00:52:57,166
On the award you're gonna win tonight.
756
00:52:57,239 --> 00:52:59,707
Hey, look, Jen, I haven't won that yet.
757
00:52:59,775 --> 00:53:03,836
Well, you will. If you're
not TV man of the year, who is?
758
00:53:03,912 --> 00:53:06,039
Jen...
759
00:53:06,114 --> 00:53:10,016
When are you gonna tell me
about those locks?
760
00:53:10,085 --> 00:53:12,986
There?
761
00:53:13,054 --> 00:53:14,885
I can't.
762
00:53:14,956 --> 00:53:17,322
Well, you see,
it's kinda like my war room.
763
00:53:17,392 --> 00:53:19,223
It's where I make all my decisions.
764
00:53:19,294 --> 00:53:21,558
It's...
It's very private.
765
00:53:23,765 --> 00:53:26,256
Well, do I ever get to see?
766
00:53:28,336 --> 00:53:29,963
Yeah, I'll show you sometime.
767
00:53:31,206 --> 00:53:34,505
- Steve, what's the matter?
- Nothing.
768
00:53:34,576 --> 00:53:37,602
- I was just thinking.
- About what?
769
00:53:38,613 --> 00:53:41,047
It's a lot of stuff
you wouldn't understand.
770
00:53:41,116 --> 00:53:43,277
I might.
771
00:53:43,785 --> 00:53:47,152
Well, I was thinking about people.
772
00:53:47,222 --> 00:53:49,918
People like Vasco da Gama.
773
00:53:49,991 --> 00:53:51,959
- Like who?
- Yeah, he was a discoverer.
774
00:53:52,027 --> 00:53:54,518
- He discovered the West Indies.
- I know, but...
775
00:53:54,596 --> 00:53:57,588
Isn't it just as good to
discover something as invent it?
776
00:53:57,666 --> 00:53:59,065
- I guess.
- Where would we be
777
00:53:59,134 --> 00:54:01,295
if people didn't discover things?
778
00:54:01,369 --> 00:54:05,703
Just like some great scientist who...
Well, maybe he's not so great,
779
00:54:05,774 --> 00:54:08,709
but he discovers a lab assistant
who's doing all the work.
780
00:54:08,777 --> 00:54:11,041
But the scientist
takes all the credit. Why?
781
00:54:11,112 --> 00:54:13,205
Because he discovered him.
782
00:54:13,281 --> 00:54:15,772
Well, there's nothing
wrong with that, is there?
783
00:54:17,085 --> 00:54:19,019
No, I guess not.
784
00:54:20,555 --> 00:54:23,490
Good. That's the way
I had it figured.
785
00:54:41,576 --> 00:54:43,771
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
786
00:54:43,845 --> 00:54:46,313
the most coveted prize of all:
787
00:54:46,381 --> 00:54:49,509
TV's "Man of the Year" award.
788
00:54:49,584 --> 00:54:51,518
And the winner is...
789
00:54:56,024 --> 00:54:58,515
Steven Post,
Yeah! Yeah!
790
00:54:58,593 --> 00:55:01,528
President of the
United Broadcasting Corporation.
791
00:55:01,596 --> 00:55:03,063
President?
792
00:55:04,599 --> 00:55:06,897
Vice president.
793
00:55:18,079 --> 00:55:21,276
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm sorry.
794
00:55:21,349 --> 00:55:25,251
I mean, vice president.
But at any rate,
795
00:55:25,320 --> 00:55:29,222
Steven Post is television's
man of the year!
796
00:55:53,581 --> 00:55:55,879
And now the key.
797
00:56:03,725 --> 00:56:05,249
Congratulations, Crampton.
798
00:56:05,327 --> 00:56:08,125
- Thank you. Thank you.
- You have a fine young man.
799
00:56:08,196 --> 00:56:10,255
Thank you, Clifford.
We're proud of him.
800
00:56:10,332 --> 00:56:13,995
You should be. Your sponsors seem
to like him. Gave him a nice little car.
801
00:56:14,069 --> 00:56:16,469
Yes, he's a man who's
going right to the top.
802
00:56:16,538 --> 00:56:19,166
The very top, indeed.
803
00:56:19,240 --> 00:56:20,832
Francis.
804
00:56:22,510 --> 00:56:24,410
Excuse us, girls.
805
00:56:26,047 --> 00:56:29,414
We gotta do something about that boy.
We've built a Frankenstein.
806
00:56:29,484 --> 00:56:32,942
- We have. He's already got my job.
- But now it's getting serious.
807
00:56:33,021 --> 00:56:35,615
- Now it's getting serious?
- How does the boy do it?
808
00:56:35,690 --> 00:56:36,714
I don't know how.
809
00:56:36,791 --> 00:56:39,385
I just know he's not smart enough
to do it on his own.
810
00:56:39,461 --> 00:56:41,861
- What have you done about it?
- What should I do?
811
00:56:41,930 --> 00:56:45,058
- I'm in cultural relations.
- The basics, man. The basics.
812
00:56:45,133 --> 00:56:47,863
Have you searched his office,
grilled his secretary,
813
00:56:47,936 --> 00:56:49,767
tapped his phone, had him followed?
814
00:56:49,838 --> 00:56:52,705
No. Wouldn't that be unethical?
815
00:56:52,774 --> 00:56:54,867
Unethical?
Get with it, Wilbanks.
816
00:56:54,943 --> 00:56:57,935
It's a desperate situation.
It requires desperate means.
817
00:56:58,013 --> 00:57:00,243
Find out how that boy is doing it!
818
00:57:57,639 --> 00:58:00,301
Hasta la vista, Senor Post.
819
00:58:02,744 --> 00:58:03,972
Hasta, hasta.
820
00:58:34,843 --> 00:58:36,674
Hello in there.
821
00:58:40,849 --> 00:58:43,079
Can you hear me?
822
00:58:45,053 --> 00:58:46,418
Are you a prisoner?
823
00:58:49,090 --> 00:58:52,651
Knock twice if you can hear me.
824
00:58:54,562 --> 00:58:58,054
Thank heaven.
825
00:58:59,033 --> 00:59:02,628
I'm a friend.
826
00:59:02,704 --> 00:59:05,468
I beg your pardon?
827
00:59:05,540 --> 00:59:09,135
He sounds gagged!
That dirty, ruthless...
828
00:59:13,381 --> 00:59:15,246
Hey, I'm back!
829
00:59:23,925 --> 00:59:27,292
Okay, okay!
830
00:59:29,397 --> 00:59:31,888
Okay! Don't go wild!
831
00:59:36,237 --> 00:59:37,397
Hey, take it easy.
832
00:59:43,278 --> 00:59:44,939
Wait a minute. Not the ballet.
833
00:59:45,013 --> 00:59:47,675
That'll wreck your taste for sure.
834
00:59:47,749 --> 00:59:50,547
You're supposed
to pick the top-rated shows.
835
00:59:50,618 --> 00:59:53,485
You got that finger of yours
on the heartbeat of America.
836
00:59:53,555 --> 00:59:55,182
Don't louse it up!
837
00:59:57,358 --> 01:00:00,759
I'll put on some coffee, then we'll
take a look at those new pilots.
838
01:00:02,397 --> 01:00:05,093
You want some pizza
tonight? I got two kinds.
839
01:00:05,166 --> 01:00:07,896
Plain and with pepperoni.
You want the pepperoni?
840
01:00:07,969 --> 01:00:11,405
Okay, you get the plain one.
841
01:00:28,957 --> 01:00:31,118
Okay, it's ready!
842
01:00:58,453 --> 01:01:00,853
All right. Showtime.
843
01:01:09,731 --> 01:01:13,633
Now, one of these days, I'm
gonna show you how to thread this thing.
844
01:01:13,701 --> 01:01:16,135
I keep forgetting that.
845
01:01:18,740 --> 01:01:22,403
It'd sure be great if you
could pick another Devil Dan.
846
01:01:57,578 --> 01:02:00,206
Who was in the room?
That's what I wanna know.
847
01:02:00,281 --> 01:02:02,078
Well, first of all,
848
01:02:02,150 --> 01:02:05,142
there were three television sets
in front of three chairs.
849
01:02:05,219 --> 01:02:09,178
- Three sets?
- Yeah, and a projector and a screen.
850
01:02:09,257 --> 01:02:12,249
Then there was this tree with
a whole bunch of bananas on it.
851
01:02:12,327 --> 01:02:14,295
Bananas? Ba...
That could be it.
852
01:02:14,362 --> 01:02:17,729
- Bananas could be brain food.
- Yeah. They are.
853
01:02:17,799 --> 01:02:20,290
Jen, get me Dr. Schmidt
in Research on the phone.
854
01:02:20,368 --> 01:02:22,802
- I'm sure he's gone home.
- I know he's gone home.
855
01:02:22,870 --> 01:02:24,997
Get him on the phone.
He's probably got...
856
01:02:25,073 --> 01:02:27,041
- What is it, Roger?
- It's not bananas.
857
01:02:27,108 --> 01:02:29,599
It's that phantom roommate
he keeps locked up.
858
01:02:29,677 --> 01:02:32,339
I looked everywhere,
but I couldn't see him.
859
01:02:32,413 --> 01:02:34,540
They were talking,
but I couldn't see him.
860
01:02:34,615 --> 01:02:37,812
Well, let's get down to basics.
Tell me what you did see,
861
01:02:37,885 --> 01:02:40,683
and don't tell me about the
thing around your leg again.
862
01:02:40,755 --> 01:02:42,950
It was weird.
863
01:02:43,024 --> 01:02:45,822
Whoever it was was wearing
a little red cap
864
01:02:45,893 --> 01:02:47,451
with a blue bon-bon
on the top.
865
01:02:47,528 --> 01:02:51,294
- It was just gliding along.
- Hello? Hello?
866
01:02:51,366 --> 01:02:54,233
There were empty banana skins everywhere.
867
01:02:54,302 --> 01:02:59,035
And then, this hairy arm
grabbed me right in the closet.
868
01:02:59,107 --> 01:03:02,702
It was hideous. There
was no head, no body, no feet.
869
01:03:02,777 --> 01:03:05,268
- Hello?
- Just a hairy arm.
870
01:03:05,346 --> 01:03:08,213
Jen, what are you doing?
871
01:03:08,282 --> 01:03:11,513
- Excuse me.
- Dr. Schmidt, Francis Wilbanks.
872
01:03:11,586 --> 01:03:15,283
Tell me, doctor, are bananas brain food?
873
01:03:15,356 --> 01:03:19,759
Bananas? Brain food?
Well, I couldn't say for sure,
874
01:03:19,827 --> 01:03:23,854
but I do recall a certain tribe in New
Guinea who subscribed to the theory
875
01:03:23,931 --> 01:03:26,195
that bananas were indeed, a brain food.
876
01:03:34,442 --> 01:03:36,706
- Hi, Jen.
- Hello, Vasco da Gama.
877
01:03:36,778 --> 01:03:38,109
- What?
- You know.
878
01:03:38,179 --> 01:03:40,511
He was the one who
discovered the West Indies.
879
01:03:40,581 --> 01:03:44,677
He was a discoverer. Discoverers
are just as important as inventors.
880
01:03:44,752 --> 01:03:48,381
Like the mad scientist who keeps
his assistant locked in the basement.
881
01:03:48,456 --> 01:03:50,515
I didn't say anything about a scientist.
882
01:03:50,591 --> 01:03:52,525
- I want my chimp.
- What?
883
01:03:52,593 --> 01:03:54,788
I know, Steve.
884
01:03:54,862 --> 01:03:57,456
They never listened to me, Jen.
885
01:03:57,532 --> 01:03:59,659
They wouldn't have for a million years!
886
01:03:59,734 --> 01:04:01,292
Steve, open this door.
887
01:04:01,369 --> 01:04:03,564
I didn't even have a car.
I had a motorcycle.
888
01:04:03,638 --> 01:04:07,938
Now I got a DeTomaso Mangusta.
A brand-new DeTomaso Mangusta.
889
01:04:08,009 --> 01:04:10,842
I mean it, Steve.
Now, you open that door!
890
01:04:12,346 --> 01:04:15,406
Look, Jen.
891
01:04:16,451 --> 01:04:18,510
I did it for you.
892
01:04:18,586 --> 01:04:23,387
I mean, why would you ever
want to marry a mail boy?
893
01:04:23,458 --> 01:04:27,326
I kidded myself, but that's
all I knew I'd ever be.
894
01:04:32,867 --> 01:04:35,062
You never said you wanted to marry me.
895
01:04:35,136 --> 01:04:37,229
Well...
896
01:04:37,872 --> 01:04:40,136
That's because I was a mail boy.
897
01:04:40,208 --> 01:04:43,644
I mean, I didn't even have a car.
898
01:04:43,711 --> 01:04:45,144
Just a motorcycle.
899
01:04:46,714 --> 01:04:50,115
I told you before, there's nothing
the matter with a motorcycle.
900
01:04:54,021 --> 01:04:58,151
I guess he recognized your voice.
901
01:05:01,395 --> 01:05:04,228
I'm kinda glad you...
you found out. I...
902
01:05:04,298 --> 01:05:07,267
I was trying to figure out
a way to tell you.
903
01:05:13,207 --> 01:05:15,437
You see, Jen, it is working.
904
01:05:15,510 --> 01:05:17,978
He is happy.
905
01:05:18,045 --> 01:05:19,979
Look, we could have it all.
906
01:05:20,047 --> 01:05:22,914
I'm not hurting anybody, either.
907
01:05:22,984 --> 01:05:25,316
I guess you've been
treating him pretty good.
908
01:05:26,554 --> 01:05:28,385
Why don't...
909
01:05:28,456 --> 01:05:31,186
Why don't we just keep it in the family?
910
01:05:31,259 --> 01:05:33,659
Okay, he can stay.
911
01:05:33,728 --> 01:05:36,162
But remember, I get visitation rights.
912
01:05:37,198 --> 01:05:38,756
Yeah.
913
01:05:41,035 --> 01:05:43,731
Hey, Steve.
Hey, you're looking really sharp.
914
01:05:43,804 --> 01:05:45,396
- New job.
- Yeah.
915
01:05:45,473 --> 01:05:48,306
What happened to that chimp
you used to bring around?
916
01:05:48,376 --> 01:05:49,843
Not so loud. Not around here.
917
01:05:49,911 --> 01:05:53,472
Yeah? I mean, he sure
liked Devil Dan, didn't he?
918
01:05:53,548 --> 01:05:56,346
I mean, I've never seen
anything like it. He just...
919
01:06:01,656 --> 01:06:04,523
The manager said room 1123
920
01:06:04,592 --> 01:06:07,117
is directly across from Post's apartment.
921
01:06:07,194 --> 01:06:09,389
- Now we'll see.
- See what?
922
01:06:09,463 --> 01:06:11,590
I can understand your skepticism, Uncle.
923
01:06:11,666 --> 01:06:13,657
This has been a gigantic puzzle,
924
01:06:13,734 --> 01:06:16,168
but I put the pieces together,
and they all fit.
925
01:06:16,237 --> 01:06:18,364
Fit, my foot.
This is ridiculous.
926
01:06:22,577 --> 01:06:24,545
I didn't believe a mail boy could do it.
927
01:06:24,612 --> 01:06:26,603
I'm not gonna believe a chimp can do it.
928
01:06:26,681 --> 01:06:29,479
- It's a wild goose chase.
- You mean, wild monkey chase.
929
01:06:29,550 --> 01:06:31,609
It's not funny.
930
01:06:31,686 --> 01:06:35,315
- Stop that simple laughing.
- Sorry, boss.
931
01:06:41,562 --> 01:06:43,587
I don't like this.
I don't like it at all.
932
01:06:43,664 --> 01:06:45,757
There must be something criminal.
933
01:06:45,833 --> 01:06:48,233
Uncle, we're not doing anything criminal.
934
01:06:48,302 --> 01:06:51,237
Then why do I feel like a peeping Tom?
935
01:06:54,976 --> 01:06:57,103
Okay. Look.
936
01:07:06,354 --> 01:07:09,050
Well, so what? It's just
that mail boy sitting there
937
01:07:09,123 --> 01:07:11,489
all by himself, looking at TV.
938
01:07:12,727 --> 01:07:15,628
Look. Quick, quick! Look.
939
01:07:21,068 --> 01:07:23,832
Good heavens.
940
01:07:26,474 --> 01:07:30,740
I think we finally
may be getting somewhere.
941
01:07:50,097 --> 01:07:52,657
Here! See what I mean?
See what I...
942
01:07:55,703 --> 01:07:58,433
Yes, I do.
He's watching Smuggler's Gold.
943
01:07:58,506 --> 01:08:00,269
That's the number one-rated show.
944
01:08:00,341 --> 01:08:04,004
That's what I've been trying to tell
you. The chimp is picking the shows.
945
01:08:04,078 --> 01:08:08,208
Well, we can't really tell. He might
not even know what he's looking at.
946
01:08:08,282 --> 01:08:10,773
A commercial break.
947
01:08:20,294 --> 01:08:22,387
Wilbanks, he knows!
948
01:08:22,463 --> 01:08:27,093
He really knows. He got
a beer during the commercial.
949
01:08:28,069 --> 01:08:30,765
Proof positive.
950
01:08:30,838 --> 01:08:34,934
That's a sure sign if I've ever seen one.
951
01:08:37,044 --> 01:08:40,707
Wilbanks, get that chimp.
952
01:09:06,974 --> 01:09:09,033
- What are we doing here?
- Just follow me.
953
01:09:09,110 --> 01:09:13,103
I didn't get where I am without
planning ahead. Come on.
954
01:09:19,854 --> 01:09:22,721
Hey, boss, don't ya think
it'd be better if I stayed here
955
01:09:22,790 --> 01:09:26,089
- and cut people off at the pass?
- Cut them off at the pass?
956
01:09:26,160 --> 01:09:28,958
You don't want people
bothering you out on the ledge.
957
01:09:29,029 --> 01:09:31,862
Will you stop that
silly talk and come on?
958
01:09:31,932 --> 01:09:34,264
But, boss, I...
I get sick when I look down.
959
01:09:34,335 --> 01:09:35,461
Well, then look up.
960
01:09:35,536 --> 01:09:37,527
I have the same problem when I look up.
961
01:09:37,605 --> 01:09:40,904
Get prepared to be sick.
I can't handle that chimp by myself.
962
01:09:40,975 --> 01:09:41,975
But, boss...
963
01:10:12,306 --> 01:10:14,900
Will you stop that simple wheezing?
964
01:10:14,975 --> 01:10:18,308
I can't help it. This always
happens to me at high altitudes.
965
01:10:18,379 --> 01:10:22,110
You're only 200 feet up.
Let go of me.
966
01:10:22,183 --> 01:10:24,777
Ohhhhh!
967
01:10:33,994 --> 01:10:36,292
I told you to stay with me.
968
01:11:01,856 --> 01:11:04,222
A-Hello, little fella.
969
01:11:04,291 --> 01:11:06,657
Let's go for a walk?
That's a good fella.
970
01:11:06,727 --> 01:11:09,059
That's the worst experience I ever had.
971
01:11:09,129 --> 01:11:11,757
Yeah. The door, the door. Come on.
972
01:11:13,801 --> 01:11:17,032
Boss, the door is locked.
973
01:11:17,104 --> 01:11:19,436
Well, of course it's locked.
974
01:11:19,506 --> 01:11:21,337
You don't expect him to leave it open
975
01:11:21,408 --> 01:11:24,434
with a valuable chimp
like that in here, do you?
976
01:11:28,382 --> 01:11:30,407
We're not going out there again, are we?
977
01:11:30,484 --> 01:11:32,247
Why not? The chimp isn't afraid.
978
01:11:32,319 --> 01:11:34,583
He's used to swinging
around in high places.
979
01:11:34,655 --> 01:11:36,179
Come on!
980
01:11:43,464 --> 01:11:46,262
No! Now you
did it with that wheezing.
981
01:11:46,333 --> 01:11:48,824
- You scared the chimp.
- Sorry, boss.
982
01:11:48,903 --> 01:11:51,804
Sorry doesn't feed the bulldog.
983
01:11:52,506 --> 01:11:54,201
Where'd he go?
984
01:12:01,215 --> 01:12:03,911
- There he is.
- Where?
985
01:12:05,986 --> 01:12:08,352
Boss, help!
986
01:12:12,960 --> 01:12:15,861
Stop wheezing!
987
01:12:15,930 --> 01:12:18,728
What are you doing?
Wait!!
988
01:12:20,668 --> 01:12:24,536
Help!
Not the tie, not the tie!
989
01:12:24,605 --> 01:12:27,904
Get the...
Get the...
990
01:12:34,682 --> 01:12:37,674
Just watch it..
991
01:12:38,986 --> 01:12:41,546
Now, don't touch me.
Just don't touch me.
992
01:12:41,622 --> 01:12:43,283
Yes, boss.
993
01:12:45,359 --> 01:12:47,691
I can't understand
what happened to your car.
994
01:12:47,761 --> 01:12:49,854
I guess they had
to gas it up or something.
995
01:12:49,930 --> 01:12:52,455
- That's okay. I'm in no hurry.
- I better check.
996
01:13:02,643 --> 01:13:04,873
How did you get down here?
997
01:13:11,218 --> 01:13:13,448
No.
998
01:13:13,520 --> 01:13:15,852
What do we do now?
999
01:13:32,172 --> 01:13:34,072
Now don't panic.
1000
01:13:34,141 --> 01:13:36,234
We'll just crawl back in the kid's room.
1001
01:13:36,310 --> 01:13:40,269
He's bound to have a phone and we'll
call somebody and have them get us.
1002
01:13:57,297 --> 01:14:00,289
I left that darn window open too far.
1003
01:14:00,367 --> 01:14:02,699
No more open window for you.
1004
01:14:06,173 --> 01:14:07,868
I'll see you later.
1005
01:14:15,582 --> 01:14:17,015
How'd he get back in there?
1006
01:14:17,084 --> 01:14:18,676
How would I know?
1007
01:14:18,752 --> 01:14:20,652
This is locked too.
1008
01:14:20,721 --> 01:14:22,552
What do we do?
1009
01:14:22,623 --> 01:14:24,318
Well, maybe he can unlock it.
1010
01:14:24,391 --> 01:14:26,325
He seems able to do everything else.
1011
01:14:26,393 --> 01:14:28,054
For the last time,
1012
01:14:28,128 --> 01:14:29,789
will you stop that wheezing?
1013
01:14:29,863 --> 01:14:34,095
Little fella?
Turn the handle.
1014
01:14:34,168 --> 01:14:36,568
You're gonna love it.
That's it. Yes.
1015
01:14:36,637 --> 01:14:39,936
There you go. Yes. Yes.
1016
01:14:41,775 --> 01:14:45,734
- You're not gonna start that?
- I can't help it, boss.
1017
01:14:45,813 --> 01:14:47,405
We don't have to stand up again?
1018
01:14:47,481 --> 01:14:49,847
Of course we have to stand up!
Get up! Get up!
1019
01:14:49,917 --> 01:14:53,910
Maybe we can attract some attention,
help get off of this thing.
1020
01:14:53,987 --> 01:14:57,548
Boss, this is awful.
1021
01:14:57,624 --> 01:15:00,491
Stop hiccupping! First you
wheeze and then you hiccup!
1022
01:15:00,561 --> 01:15:02,893
I can't help it.
I hiccup when I get nervous.
1023
01:15:04,498 --> 01:15:08,332
Stop it! I can't stand it!
Don't you understand that?
1024
01:15:08,402 --> 01:15:11,496
- Just try holding your breath.
- That never works with me.
1025
01:15:11,572 --> 01:15:14,507
Maybe if you get me a glass
of water. That sometimes helps.
1026
01:15:14,575 --> 01:15:17,408
All right. I'll get...
How can I get you a glass of water?
1027
01:15:17,478 --> 01:15:19,207
I can't...
1028
01:15:19,279 --> 01:15:22,077
Come on! Glass of water.
1029
01:15:28,622 --> 01:15:31,056
It's an ambulance, police cars.
1030
01:15:31,125 --> 01:15:34,026
Well, you wanted to attract attention.
1031
01:15:39,566 --> 01:15:43,002
Here we go again.
K-7, this is 10-Sugar-Charlie.
1032
01:15:43,070 --> 01:15:44,765
Come in.
1033
01:15:44,838 --> 01:15:46,601
We're here. The report checks out.
1034
01:15:46,673 --> 01:15:50,006
We got a couple of nuts
trying to commit suicide.
1035
01:15:50,077 --> 01:15:52,375
Give me that thing.
1036
01:15:52,446 --> 01:15:56,109
All right, now, just...
just take it easy up there.
1037
01:15:56,183 --> 01:16:01,416
Everything's gonna be all right.
Above all, don't jump.
1038
01:16:01,488 --> 01:16:04,321
He thinks we're gonna jump.
1039
01:16:04,391 --> 01:16:06,689
No, we're not going to jump!
1040
01:16:09,530 --> 01:16:13,489
Hey, boss, I'm losing my buttons.
1041
01:16:34,788 --> 01:16:36,312
We almost lost one that time.
1042
01:16:36,390 --> 01:16:39,188
This is gonna be a tough one, Vince.
1043
01:16:39,259 --> 01:16:42,319
Here, take this outta the way.
Take it over to the truck.
1044
01:16:43,263 --> 01:16:45,697
Bring them in.
Bring them on in.
1045
01:16:52,739 --> 01:16:55,936
Hey, the fire engines are stopping here.
1046
01:16:56,009 --> 01:16:57,533
Do you smell smoke?
1047
01:16:57,611 --> 01:17:00,671
No, I don't smell smoke.
The building isn't on fire.
1048
01:17:00,747 --> 01:17:03,045
Stop the wheezing, will you?
1049
01:17:03,116 --> 01:17:07,450
Please stop! First you wheeze,
then hiccup, then wheeze again!
1050
01:17:07,521 --> 01:17:10,081
You're enough to drive anybody nuts!
1051
01:17:10,157 --> 01:17:12,125
- I am, am I?
- Yes!
1052
01:17:12,192 --> 01:17:14,592
Well, you're my boss.
1053
01:17:14,661 --> 01:17:16,526
Maybe I shouldn't say this,
1054
01:17:16,597 --> 01:17:19,794
but you've been complaining
ever since we've been up here.
1055
01:17:19,866 --> 01:17:22,130
If you don't like the way
I wheeze and hiccup,
1056
01:17:22,202 --> 01:17:24,693
why don't you go find
your own ledge to stand on?
1057
01:17:24,771 --> 01:17:26,966
What?
1058
01:17:33,680 --> 01:17:35,477
Maybe they're coming to rescue us.
1059
01:17:35,549 --> 01:17:38,985
They're not coming to rescue us.
That's our news helicopter.
1060
01:17:39,052 --> 01:17:41,111
Our own network is taking pictures of us?
1061
01:17:41,188 --> 01:17:43,179
That's exactly what I mean.
1062
01:17:43,257 --> 01:17:46,522
We interrupt to bring you
a newscast of a suicide try
1063
01:17:46,593 --> 01:17:49,721
on Wilshire Boulevard in Los Angeles.
1064
01:17:49,796 --> 01:17:53,232
Isn't it sad how many nuts
are running around loose today?
1065
01:17:53,300 --> 01:17:55,165
It certainly is, sweetheart.
1066
01:17:55,235 --> 01:17:58,227
Our special UBC helicopter
enables us to bring you
1067
01:17:58,305 --> 01:18:01,365
an exclusive close-up view
of the pair attempting suicide.
1068
01:18:01,441 --> 01:18:03,500
These pictures, live from the scene.
1069
01:18:03,577 --> 01:18:06,512
There you are.
Another first for UBC.
1070
01:18:10,250 --> 01:18:12,480
No!
1071
01:18:18,358 --> 01:18:21,225
Now I've had experience
of this type of thing before.
1072
01:18:21,295 --> 01:18:23,661
Anything can make them panicky and jump.
1073
01:18:23,730 --> 01:18:25,960
May I have the mike, please?
1074
01:18:26,033 --> 01:18:27,898
Now, gentlemen, remain calm.
1075
01:18:27,968 --> 01:18:30,095
No problem can't be solved.
1076
01:18:30,170 --> 01:18:32,604
Will you listen to me,
gentlemen, now? I repeat:
1077
01:18:32,673 --> 01:18:35,005
There is no problem
that cannot be solved.
1078
01:18:35,075 --> 01:18:37,202
- What'd he say?
- I don't know.
1079
01:18:37,277 --> 01:18:39,939
Sounds like some kind
of a foreign language.
1080
01:18:41,048 --> 01:18:42,777
Now, it must be very cold up there.
1081
01:18:42,849 --> 01:18:44,908
Why don't you go in and get some coffee?
1082
01:18:44,985 --> 01:18:47,613
It's Father O'Leary
from St. Timothy's.
1083
01:18:47,688 --> 01:18:49,019
What's he doing here?
1084
01:18:49,089 --> 01:18:52,024
He probably came over
to talk us out of suicide.
1085
01:18:52,092 --> 01:18:54,754
He can talk me out of it real easy.
1086
01:18:54,828 --> 01:18:56,659
Now hang on, men.
1087
01:18:56,730 --> 01:18:59,995
- Hang on for one more minute.
- The life net's ready now.
1088
01:19:00,067 --> 01:19:02,535
Good. Very good.
Come with me, Vince.
1089
01:19:02,602 --> 01:19:05,628
I'm ruined. I'm ruined!
1090
01:19:05,706 --> 01:19:07,867
What's Crampton gonna say?
1091
01:19:07,941 --> 01:19:09,636
You lame brain.
1092
01:19:09,710 --> 01:19:13,168
You thick-skulled, pin-headed,
dim-witted bumbler!
1093
01:19:17,050 --> 01:19:19,075
Hey, boss, look. A net.
1094
01:19:20,554 --> 01:19:23,182
You don't suppose they expect us to jump?
1095
01:19:23,256 --> 01:19:26,555
No, that's probably
just there for safety.
1096
01:19:26,626 --> 01:19:29,424
If Father O'Leary gets up here,
1097
01:19:29,496 --> 01:19:32,624
I'm gonna have him
sneak me out the back way.
1098
01:19:32,699 --> 01:19:36,601
I helped him with his bazaar last year.
1099
01:19:36,670 --> 01:19:39,833
Gentlemen! Gentlemen! Stop right
where you are. Don't move!
1100
01:19:39,906 --> 01:19:43,000
- Father O'Leary!
- Where?
1101
01:19:43,076 --> 01:19:45,601
I wanted to go out the back way!
1102
01:19:45,679 --> 01:19:46,976
Over that way!
1103
01:19:47,047 --> 01:19:49,675
That's it.
1104
01:19:51,752 --> 01:19:55,745
Ease it over here.
1105
01:19:58,425 --> 01:20:00,916
Why would he try to commit suicide?
1106
01:20:02,662 --> 01:20:06,189
Get the chimp!
Get the chimp! It's not bananas!
1107
01:20:06,266 --> 01:20:07,995
It's not bananas, it's the chimp!
1108
01:20:08,068 --> 01:20:11,401
He picks the shows, believe me.
He knows. It's the chimp.
1109
01:20:11,471 --> 01:20:14,907
Bananas don't have anything
to do with it. Get the chimp.
1110
01:20:14,975 --> 01:20:19,469
It's the chimp.
He's the one. Help! Help!
1111
01:20:20,447 --> 01:20:23,314
There was a chimp,
1112
01:20:23,383 --> 01:20:26,910
came down the building before
they discovered those guys up there.
1113
01:20:26,987 --> 01:20:28,648
It belonged to Steven Post.
1114
01:20:28,722 --> 01:20:30,952
Steven Post?
The TV wonder boy?
1115
01:20:31,024 --> 01:20:33,584
- There's the other one.
- This one was out with him.
1116
01:20:33,660 --> 01:20:35,457
What were you doing up there?
1117
01:20:35,529 --> 01:20:37,554
I was walking along on the tenth floor
1118
01:20:37,631 --> 01:20:39,531
and I seen this nut out on the ledge.
1119
01:20:39,599 --> 01:20:42,432
So I went out there to try
to talk him out of jumping.
1120
01:20:42,502 --> 01:20:44,936
- Then this window got stuck...
- Wait a minute.
1121
01:20:45,005 --> 01:20:47,701
You didn't happen to see him.
You work for Wilbanks.
1122
01:20:47,774 --> 01:20:50,800
- Everyone knows that. Come on.
- Talk him out of jumping?
1123
01:20:50,877 --> 01:20:53,505
Please, what are you talking about?
1124
01:20:53,580 --> 01:20:55,377
All right!
Hold it! Hold it!
1125
01:20:55,449 --> 01:20:58,077
Look. We're gonna arrive
at the truth of this thing,
1126
01:20:58,151 --> 01:21:00,346
so you might as well tell us now.
1127
01:21:00,420 --> 01:21:05,050
Well, my boss wanted me to
help him get this kid's chimp.
1128
01:21:05,125 --> 01:21:08,458
The chimp belongs to Steven Post?
What'd he want him for?
1129
01:21:08,528 --> 01:21:11,759
Come on! Out with it!
1130
01:21:11,832 --> 01:21:14,198
Well, it sounds kinda crazy but,
1131
01:21:14,267 --> 01:21:17,566
my boss thinks the chimp
can pick the best TV shows.
1132
01:21:17,637 --> 01:21:21,095
Pretty funny?
1133
01:21:39,559 --> 01:21:41,151
- Excuse me!
- Yeah, what?
1134
01:21:41,228 --> 01:21:44,026
This story about a chimp
selecting our TV shows.
1135
01:21:44,097 --> 01:21:48,033
- What about it?
- Well, do you believe it?
1136
01:21:48,101 --> 01:21:51,764
Of course, I believe it.
I knew it all the time.
1137
01:21:57,444 --> 01:21:58,877
Madam?
1138
01:21:58,945 --> 01:22:02,346
What do you think of the rumor
of a chimp selecting our TV shows?
1139
01:22:02,415 --> 01:22:05,578
A chimp picking TV shows?
Ridiculous.
1140
01:22:05,652 --> 01:22:07,916
Well, you know
how those rumors get started.
1141
01:22:07,988 --> 01:22:09,615
- I know I...
- Wait a minute!
1142
01:22:09,689 --> 01:22:13,716
Those stations have been switching and
canceling my favorite shows for years.
1143
01:22:13,793 --> 01:22:16,284
Maybe a chimp is behind this mess.
1144
01:22:16,363 --> 01:22:17,455
- No.
- It's a plot.
1145
01:22:17,531 --> 01:22:19,590
- You're all in on it.
- We have nothing...
1146
01:22:19,666 --> 01:22:22,396
I am so sick and tired of liking a show
1147
01:22:22,469 --> 01:22:25,461
and having it pulled off
the air or put in another time.
1148
01:22:25,539 --> 01:22:27,200
- Madam...
- It drives you crazy.
1149
01:22:27,274 --> 01:22:31,370
I'm getting to the point, I'd like to
take the TV and throw it out the window.
1150
01:22:31,444 --> 01:22:33,639
The last show I liked,
they took off the air.
1151
01:22:33,713 --> 01:22:37,080
The minute I got to like it, off the
air. How do I know what happened?
1152
01:22:37,150 --> 01:22:38,845
I don't know what happened to John.
1153
01:22:46,393 --> 01:22:49,226
Has the man from the Justice
Department arrived yet?
1154
01:22:49,296 --> 01:22:50,957
- Everybody's here, sir.
- Good.
1155
01:22:51,031 --> 01:22:52,293
That's good.
1156
01:23:02,676 --> 01:23:05,372
Gentlemen, television
has had problems before.
1157
01:23:05,445 --> 01:23:07,709
We can work this one out
if we keep cool heads!
1158
01:23:09,716 --> 01:23:12,480
"Keep cool heads."
1159
01:23:12,552 --> 01:23:17,387
Your Wilbanks says you've
got a monkey picking programs,
1160
01:23:17,457 --> 01:23:20,290
and you want us
to "keep cool heads."
1161
01:23:20,360 --> 01:23:23,158
- I was delirious.
- Don't give us that!
1162
01:23:23,229 --> 01:23:25,993
For ten years you've been
the third-rated network.
1163
01:23:26,066 --> 01:23:29,467
Suddenly, you jump to number one.
Now, there has to be a reason.
1164
01:23:29,536 --> 01:23:31,663
You don't have the personnel to do that.
1165
01:23:31,738 --> 01:23:34,138
Just a minute.
I've plenty of personnel.
1166
01:23:34,207 --> 01:23:35,435
- I have...
- Shut up.
1167
01:23:35,508 --> 01:23:38,409
Mr. Crampton.
We've had a tacit understanding
1168
01:23:38,478 --> 01:23:40,912
to share technological advances.
1169
01:23:40,981 --> 01:23:43,882
It seems to me that you've
betrayed that understanding.
1170
01:23:43,950 --> 01:23:46,510
- We have not.
- Just a minute.
1171
01:23:46,586 --> 01:23:49,020
I must speak for the Justice Department.
1172
01:23:49,089 --> 01:23:52,855
We can have no understandings
between networks,
1173
01:23:52,926 --> 01:23:55,759
- tacit or otherwise.
- Come on, Harry.
1174
01:23:55,829 --> 01:23:59,492
How can the Department call
a little chimpanzee a tech...
1175
01:23:59,566 --> 01:24:02,660
- So there's a chimp.
- Then there is a chimp?
1176
01:24:04,771 --> 01:24:07,604
Gentlemen, please.
1177
01:24:07,674 --> 01:24:09,904
Admittedly, there is a chimp.
1178
01:24:09,976 --> 01:24:11,910
And he does like TV.
1179
01:24:11,978 --> 01:24:14,776
And it seems he does
prefer the top-rated shows.
1180
01:24:14,848 --> 01:24:18,614
And he does go to the refrigerator
and get a beer during the commercials.
1181
01:24:18,685 --> 01:24:22,246
Gentlemen!
1182
01:24:23,089 --> 01:24:28,356
If the American people ever
found out that a chimpanzee
1183
01:24:28,428 --> 01:24:33,593
was selecting programs,
it would be the end of TV.
1184
01:24:33,667 --> 01:24:35,225
Gentlemen.
1185
01:24:35,301 --> 01:24:39,135
I have a simple solution
to the whole problem.
1186
01:24:39,205 --> 01:24:44,074
- Yes?
- We must destroy the chimp.
1187
01:24:44,144 --> 01:24:47,079
No, no.
I can't see it at all.
1188
01:24:48,114 --> 01:24:50,708
- We can't do that.
- No. We couldn't...
1189
01:24:50,784 --> 01:24:54,811
Why, we'd have those societies for the
prevention of things all over our backs.
1190
01:24:54,888 --> 01:24:57,220
That would be the end
of our dog food accounts.
1191
01:24:57,290 --> 01:25:00,817
- I think I have an idea.
- I hope it's better than the bananas.
1192
01:25:00,894 --> 01:25:03,055
It's practical and humane.
1193
01:25:03,129 --> 01:25:06,223
You see, a chimp belongs in a
jungle, not in a network office.
1194
01:25:06,299 --> 01:25:08,767
We know that, Dr. Schmidt.
That's the problem.
1195
01:25:08,835 --> 01:25:12,032
What we do is buy the chimp,
return him to the jungle.
1196
01:25:12,105 --> 01:25:14,869
He'll be happy, the networks
will continue on as usual
1197
01:25:14,941 --> 01:25:17,808
and we will be rid of
Steven Post once and for all!
1198
01:25:17,877 --> 01:25:19,777
Brilliant, Schmidt, brilliant.
1199
01:25:19,846 --> 01:25:22,007
Bravo! Beautiful!
That's the one.
1200
01:25:22,082 --> 01:25:26,280
We certainly have the money.
And every man has his price.
1201
01:25:32,258 --> 01:25:36,456
So that's what they think?
Every man's got his price.
1202
01:25:36,529 --> 01:25:39,396
Well, don't worry. I don't.
1203
01:25:40,300 --> 01:25:43,201
Steve, why don't we take him
and blow this place?
1204
01:25:43,269 --> 01:25:44,668
Forget this whole rat race.
1205
01:25:44,738 --> 01:25:47,502
I don't want them to put him in a jungle.
1206
01:25:47,574 --> 01:25:52,341
Jen, they can't get to me.
I can't be bought.
1207
01:25:53,546 --> 01:25:56,572
$500,000.
1208
01:25:57,751 --> 01:25:59,150
Right.
1209
01:26:00,353 --> 01:26:04,016
$500,000. That's a...
That's a lot of money.
1210
01:26:04,090 --> 01:26:07,787
Well, of course it's a lot of money.
How can you even hesitate?
1211
01:26:07,861 --> 01:26:10,887
- Well, I don't know...
- Your future is on the line.
1212
01:26:10,964 --> 01:26:12,261
Now you listen to this.
1213
01:26:12,332 --> 01:26:14,994
You turn us down,
you'll never work again.
1214
01:26:15,068 --> 01:26:18,629
Come on. Be smart, boy.
1215
01:26:20,273 --> 01:26:22,833
- I... I have a problem.
- A problem?
1216
01:26:22,909 --> 01:26:25,537
Yes, sir. You see, someone else
is involved and I...
1217
01:26:25,612 --> 01:26:27,807
Son, no more bickering.
All right.
1218
01:26:27,881 --> 01:26:31,146
This will be our final offer.
Take it or leave it.
1219
01:26:31,217 --> 01:26:33,276
One million dollars.
1220
01:26:40,894 --> 01:26:43,385
One million dollars.
1221
01:27:05,718 --> 01:27:07,913
You did it.
1222
01:27:08,588 --> 01:27:12,285
- You took the money.
- One million dollars, Jen.
1223
01:27:13,526 --> 01:27:15,756
You know what they're
going to do with him.
1224
01:27:16,362 --> 01:27:18,091
It was take it or leave it.
1225
01:27:18,164 --> 01:27:21,827
Besides, maybe a chimp
does belong in the jungle.
1226
01:27:23,369 --> 01:27:25,769
- Not that one.
- Jen.
1227
01:27:26,673 --> 01:27:31,576
We can get married now.
We've got everything.
1228
01:27:33,413 --> 01:27:36,041
I thought we did for a while.
1229
01:27:37,350 --> 01:27:38,715
Now we have nothing.
1230
01:27:41,721 --> 01:27:44,713
I don't even think
I like you very much anymore.
1231
01:28:44,484 --> 01:28:48,614
Boss. What I don't
understand is why do you have to go?
1232
01:28:48,688 --> 01:28:51,623
Well, it's just too important a mission
1233
01:28:51,691 --> 01:28:53,921
to trust to, underlings.
1234
01:28:53,993 --> 01:28:56,553
Yeah, but all
the other networks are here.
1235
01:28:56,629 --> 01:28:59,792
I get it.
You don't trust each other.
1236
01:29:01,768 --> 01:29:04,066
Well, of course we trust each other.
1237
01:29:04,137 --> 01:29:07,072
Where would you get
a ridiculous idea like that?
1238
01:29:07,140 --> 01:29:10,735
It's just that we're getting together
to have a little, outing.
1239
01:29:10,810 --> 01:29:13,472
Yes. And you're in charge
while we're gone.
1240
01:29:13,546 --> 01:29:16,276
Me in charge?
You're kidding?
1241
01:29:16,349 --> 01:29:18,783
We've never been more serious!
1242
01:29:18,851 --> 01:29:21,718
Well, what am I supposed to do?
1243
01:29:21,788 --> 01:29:25,485
Absolutely nothing. If anyone asks a
question, you don't know the answer.
1244
01:29:25,558 --> 01:29:27,924
Anyone wants a decision, stall.
1245
01:29:27,994 --> 01:29:31,395
Don't do anything at all!
Do you think you can handle that?
1246
01:29:31,464 --> 01:29:33,455
Yeah.
1247
01:29:43,676 --> 01:29:45,268
Now what?
1248
01:29:48,715 --> 01:29:51,684
Mr. Wilbanks,
can I talk to you for a minute?
1249
01:29:51,751 --> 01:29:54,015
- About what?
- Well...
1250
01:29:54,087 --> 01:29:56,715
You see, I was wondering
if maybe you'd reconsider.
1251
01:29:56,789 --> 01:29:59,849
I give you the million dollars back,
you give me the chimp?
1252
01:29:59,926 --> 01:30:03,987
Well, certainly not, Post.
Are you crazy? A deal is a deal.
1253
01:30:04,063 --> 01:30:07,794
- That's all there is to it!
- Of all the nerve!
1254
01:30:44,037 --> 01:30:45,368
All set, Uncle.
1255
01:30:45,438 --> 01:30:49,397
Mertons is in charge till we get
back. Help him all you can.
1256
01:30:50,710 --> 01:30:52,735
Mertons is in charge?
1257
01:30:58,284 --> 01:31:00,980
Now, open the door, Roger.
1258
01:31:25,511 --> 01:31:27,342
Gee, I'm sorry, Steve.
1259
01:31:27,413 --> 01:31:30,007
But I guess you can't have everything.
1260
01:31:31,017 --> 01:31:34,646
Boy, I'd sure do it different
if I had another chance.
1261
01:31:51,471 --> 01:31:53,962
Boy, you gentlemen sure
picked an isolated spot.
1262
01:31:54,040 --> 01:31:56,941
I don't think this place
has ever been explored.
1263
01:31:57,009 --> 01:31:59,910
Well, don't worry, about the chimp.
1264
01:31:59,979 --> 01:32:02,140
He's used to fending for himself.
1265
01:32:02,215 --> 01:32:04,115
Okay, if you'll clear this area,
1266
01:32:04,183 --> 01:32:07,949
I'm gonna open this and there's gonna
be suction. I don't want to lose you.
1267
01:32:08,020 --> 01:32:10,181
Right. We'll watch it from back there.
1268
01:32:10,256 --> 01:32:13,555
Okay, take it easy back there, gentlemen?
1269
01:32:13,626 --> 01:32:16,823
And by all means, don't
touch any of those levers.
1270
01:32:16,896 --> 01:32:20,491
Don't worry about that chute. It's
guaranteed to open in ten seconds.
1271
01:32:21,134 --> 01:32:23,034
Don't touch that lever..
1272
01:32:23,102 --> 01:32:26,128
That's a no-no.
Don't do that. No, no, no.
1273
01:32:26,205 --> 01:32:28,571
- Are you comfortable, chief?
- Just fine.
1274
01:32:28,641 --> 01:32:30,905
As soon as the chimp is out,
we'll have lunch.
1275
01:32:30,977 --> 01:32:32,911
- That'll be nice.
- All right.
1276
01:32:32,979 --> 01:32:34,674
Here we go. Open up.
1277
01:32:34,747 --> 01:32:37,978
Out we go. Jump. Jump.
1278
01:32:38,050 --> 01:32:40,348
When you throw him out,
1279
01:32:40,419 --> 01:32:43,252
be sure you throw him far enough
so he's in the pictures!
1280
01:32:43,322 --> 01:32:45,950
Here we go. Out we go. No?
1281
01:32:46,025 --> 01:32:48,721
- Will you throw him out?
- I don't think he wants to go.
1282
01:32:48,794 --> 01:32:52,161
I don't think he wants to go.
Put your foot out. Here we go.
1283
01:32:52,231 --> 01:32:55,166
- Get rid of him!
- Foot up. Come on. Get out.
1284
01:33:02,008 --> 01:33:04,374
Mr. Crampton!
1285
01:33:04,443 --> 01:33:07,503
Mr. Crampton!
1286
01:33:38,010 --> 01:33:40,501
I think I can explain this, guys.
1287
01:33:40,580 --> 01:33:45,108
We were cruising up there
at 2,000 feet, and the wind...
1288
01:34:04,637 --> 01:34:07,697
Hello? Steve!
1289
01:34:07,773 --> 01:34:10,640
Yeah. Yeah. I...
1290
01:34:10,710 --> 01:34:14,077
I seem to be calling
for a friend of yours.
1291
01:34:14,146 --> 01:34:16,979
Say, this is gonna be hard to believe
1292
01:34:17,049 --> 01:34:19,745
but you remember that chance
you were talking about?
1293
01:34:19,819 --> 01:34:22,617
Well, ya got it!
1294
01:34:22,688 --> 01:34:24,815
Yeah!
1295
01:34:24,890 --> 01:34:28,621
It was that simple. I gave Mertons
the million, and he gave me the chimp.
1296
01:34:28,694 --> 01:34:31,128
It must have been tough
to give up all that money.
1297
01:34:31,197 --> 01:34:35,258
Mertons needed it to finance a force
to find Wilbanks and the rest of them.
1298
01:34:35,334 --> 01:34:38,770
You know, when you think about
it, it wasn't even my money.
1299
01:34:38,838 --> 01:34:41,898
It was yours. He's your chimp.
1300
01:34:41,974 --> 01:34:45,068
You mean, I gave up a million bucks?
1301
01:34:45,144 --> 01:34:47,544
Yep.
1302
01:34:47,613 --> 01:34:51,743
You know what, Steve? I don't
even think we're gonna miss it.
1303
01:34:51,817 --> 01:34:53,614
And now an exclusive.
1304
01:34:53,686 --> 01:34:56,382
Steven Post,
television's man of the year,
1305
01:34:56,455 --> 01:35:00,152
resigned his position today
as vice president of UBC,
1306
01:35:00,226 --> 01:35:02,786
and took as his bride,
Miss Jennifer Scott,
1307
01:35:02,862 --> 01:35:05,797
his private secretary
and childhood sweetheart.
1308
01:35:05,865 --> 01:35:08,265
Their honeymoon destination is unknown,
1309
01:35:08,334 --> 01:35:10,427
but wherever they go, their many friends
1310
01:35:10,503 --> 01:35:13,802
wish this storybook couple
the storybook ending:
1311
01:35:13,873 --> 01:35:17,070
That they live happily ever after.
105212
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