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1
00:00:00,492 --> 00:00:02,555
Two days before Barneyand Robin's wedding,
2
00:00:02,556 --> 00:00:04,122
their reverend passed away,
3
00:00:04,124 --> 00:00:06,158
and the search was onfor a replacement.
4
00:00:06,160 --> 00:00:08,327
Oh, boy, it's the creepy,
5
00:00:08,329 --> 00:00:10,962
bug-eyed minister
from that culty church
6
00:00:10,964 --> 00:00:13,432
who kept asking us
if we're "pure enough to die."
7
00:00:13,434 --> 00:00:15,234
He's our best lead.
I should get this.
8
00:00:15,236 --> 00:00:17,853
James, unless
you have a minister,
9
00:00:17,855 --> 00:00:19,638
I don't want to hear it.
10
00:00:19,640 --> 00:00:21,406
You mean, like this one?
11
00:00:21,408 --> 00:00:23,158
A few years back,
12
00:00:23,160 --> 00:00:27,079
Barney's brother James finallymet his long-lost father, Sam,
13
00:00:27,081 --> 00:00:29,081
who turned outto be a reverend.
14
00:00:29,083 --> 00:00:32,317
I know pronounce
your asses saved.
15
00:00:32,319 --> 00:00:34,002
Whoa!
16
00:00:34,004 --> 00:00:37,439
Reverend Gibbs wouldn't bethe only VIP arrival that day.
17
00:00:37,441 --> 00:00:38,924
Dad!
18
00:00:38,926 --> 00:00:41,844
Barney. Oh, I can't believe
you're getting married.
19
00:00:41,846 --> 00:00:44,096
You've grown up so fast.
20
00:00:44,098 --> 00:00:48,333
Then again, I did miss
about 30 years of your life.
21
00:00:48,335 --> 00:00:50,769
Did I mention we got you
two things from your registry?
22
00:00:50,771 --> 00:00:53,438
Hey, can we buy you guys
a drink in a bit?
23
00:00:53,440 --> 00:00:54,773
Sure. We'll meet you
at the bar.
24
00:00:54,775 --> 00:00:56,058
Yeah.
25
00:00:56,060 --> 00:00:57,392
Here.
All right.
26
00:00:57,394 --> 00:00:58,560
Hey.
27
00:00:58,562 --> 00:01:00,462
Oh. Whoa. Look.
28
00:01:00,464 --> 00:01:02,064
My dad hasn't seen
my mom in years,
29
00:01:02,066 --> 00:01:03,282
not since he bailed on her.
30
00:01:03,284 --> 00:01:05,484
Oh, man, take it from a
fellow child of divorce,
31
00:01:05,486 --> 00:01:07,236
this could
get real messy.
32
00:01:07,238 --> 00:01:09,538
Loretta, good to see you.
33
00:01:09,540 --> 00:01:11,740
You, too, Jerry.
34
00:01:13,509 --> 00:01:14,877
Wow.
35
00:01:14,879 --> 00:01:16,962
Yeah. Thank
God, no drama.
36
00:01:16,964 --> 00:01:18,964
They're in love!
37
00:01:18,966 --> 00:01:22,668
My mom and dad are getting
back together again!
38
00:01:22,670 --> 00:01:25,203
Uh-oh.
39
00:01:27,542 --> 00:01:31,542
♪ How I Met Your Mother 9x10 ♪
Mom and Dad
Original Air Date on November 18, 2013
40
00:01:31,543 --> 00:01:36,543
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
41
00:01:38,544 --> 00:01:39,931
Hey, quick favor.
42
00:01:39,932 --> 00:01:41,681
I want to give this
to Robin.
43
00:01:41,683 --> 00:01:42,966
Gretzky's her hero.
44
00:01:42,968 --> 00:01:44,968
She says his name sometimes
in bed. I've accepted it.
45
00:01:44,970 --> 00:01:47,253
Can you, uh, hide it for me
till the rehearsal dinner?
46
00:01:47,255 --> 00:01:48,855
The best man is on it.
47
00:01:48,857 --> 00:01:51,090
Great. Now I'm gonna go get
my mom and dad back together.
48
00:01:51,092 --> 00:01:52,476
They're totally in love.
I know. It's amazing.
49
00:01:52,478 --> 00:01:53,593
I'm walking on air.
50
00:01:53,595 --> 00:01:55,812
My family's gonna be
whole again!
51
00:01:56,764 --> 00:01:58,815
Should we stop him or something?
52
00:01:58,817 --> 00:02:00,951
The best man is staying
on the Gretzky thing.
53
00:02:02,653 --> 00:02:06,156
♪ Well, I would walk
500 miles and ♪
54
00:02:06,158 --> 00:02:09,409
♪ I would walk 500 more
55
00:02:09,411 --> 00:02:14,631
♪ Just to be the man
who walked a thousand miles ♪
56
00:02:14,633 --> 00:02:18,618
♪ Then falls down
at your door. ♪
57
00:02:18,620 --> 00:02:19,970
Ha!
58
00:02:19,972 --> 00:02:21,171
You're right.
59
00:02:21,173 --> 00:02:22,589
That crap grows on you.
60
00:02:22,591 --> 00:02:23,890
Again?
61
00:02:23,892 --> 00:02:24,925
Proclaim it!
62
00:02:26,795 --> 00:02:29,062
Hey. So there I am,
63
00:02:29,064 --> 00:02:31,097
lying in the wet, filthy sand
under the patio,
64
00:02:31,099 --> 00:02:34,184
just minding my own business,
when my dad bumps into my mom,
65
00:02:34,186 --> 00:02:35,936
and he says-- get this--
66
00:02:35,938 --> 00:02:38,772
he says to her,
"Weather's improving, huh?"
67
00:02:40,359 --> 00:02:44,077
It's like, why don't you
just do it already? Huh?
68
00:02:44,079 --> 00:02:46,746
Barney, I know you've always
dreamed of a reunited family,
69
00:02:46,748 --> 00:02:48,865
but... Jerry's married.
70
00:02:48,867 --> 00:02:51,334
So what? Marriage is just
a meaningless piece of paper.
71
00:02:51,336 --> 00:02:52,485
I'm a lucky gal.
72
00:02:52,487 --> 00:02:53,787
Sweetie, this just
isn't gonna happen.
73
00:02:53,789 --> 00:02:55,989
Now, please promise me
74
00:02:55,991 --> 00:02:58,157
you haven't already put
some crazy scheme in motion.
75
00:03:00,545 --> 00:03:03,496
I haven't put
some crazy scheme in motion.
76
00:03:03,498 --> 00:03:05,832
Why did you pause?
77
00:03:08,703 --> 00:03:10,136
I didn't pause.
78
00:03:10,138 --> 00:03:11,688
Why did you pause?!
79
00:03:19,730 --> 00:03:22,199
Ah. Hey, there.
80
00:03:22,201 --> 00:03:23,617
Hi.
81
00:03:23,619 --> 00:03:25,852
Barney texted me
to meet him ASAP,
82
00:03:25,854 --> 00:03:27,186
but the stairs
are wet.
83
00:03:27,188 --> 00:03:28,354
No, broken.
84
00:03:28,356 --> 00:03:29,990
Yeah, the stairs
are broken.
85
00:03:29,992 --> 00:03:32,659
Yeah. I got the same text.
86
00:03:32,661 --> 00:03:35,662
Oh.
87
00:03:35,664 --> 00:03:37,214
Barney, Jerry has a wife.
88
00:03:38,198 --> 00:03:40,217
Oh, God, what did you do
to the wife?
89
00:03:40,219 --> 00:03:41,668
So, my husband
90
00:03:41,670 --> 00:03:44,971
snuck off to go parasailing,
and he wants me to join him?
91
00:03:44,973 --> 00:03:46,723
Yes.
92
00:03:50,011 --> 00:03:51,595
Who is ready to rock it
93
00:03:51,597 --> 00:03:55,148
Scottish-identical-
twin-brothers style?
94
00:03:55,900 --> 00:03:57,400
♪ When I wake up
95
00:03:57,402 --> 00:03:59,853
♪ Yeah, I know I'm gonna be ♪
96
00:03:59,855 --> 00:04:02,822
♪ I'm gonna be the man
who ends up next to you... ♪
97
00:04:02,824 --> 00:04:05,742
Oh, man, I hope they're not
singing to the same girl.
98
00:04:05,744 --> 00:04:07,694
Or to each other.
99
00:04:07,696 --> 00:04:10,113
Shut up! Music sucks!
100
00:04:10,115 --> 00:04:12,565
Scotland sucks! You suck!
101
00:04:12,567 --> 00:04:15,585
Just drive, pumpkin head.
102
00:04:15,587 --> 00:04:17,537
Hey, guys, don't worry.
103
00:04:17,539 --> 00:04:18,588
Help's on the way.
104
00:04:18,590 --> 00:04:20,540
Oh! Thank you, Barney.
Thank you, honey.
105
00:04:20,542 --> 00:04:21,841
In the meantime,
106
00:04:21,843 --> 00:04:23,910
I'll try to keep you two
as comfortable as possible.
107
00:04:23,912 --> 00:04:25,845
♪ I said, bang...
108
00:04:25,847 --> 00:04:27,597
Well, we don't need wine.
109
00:04:27,599 --> 00:04:29,766
♪ Bang
110
00:04:29,768 --> 00:04:32,469
♪ Bangity bang...
111
00:04:32,471 --> 00:04:35,438
We don't need champagne,
either. We need help!
112
00:04:35,440 --> 00:04:37,390
This could be very unsafe!
113
00:04:37,392 --> 00:04:38,858
Oh.
114
00:04:38,860 --> 00:04:40,860
I'll say something.
115
00:04:40,862 --> 00:04:43,270
No. You've had a whole
lifetime of this. Let me.
116
00:04:43,295 --> 00:04:43,931
Oh.
117
00:04:43,932 --> 00:04:45,482
Barney, are you thinking
118
00:04:45,484 --> 00:04:48,068
you can get your mother
and me back together?
119
00:04:48,070 --> 00:04:49,786
Because I'm married.
120
00:04:49,788 --> 00:04:51,621
My wife is right upstairs!
121
00:04:51,623 --> 00:04:52,656
No, she's not.
122
00:04:52,658 --> 00:04:54,273
What's that?
Nothing!
123
00:04:54,275 --> 00:04:55,709
I'm just trying
to keep you refreshed
124
00:04:55,711 --> 00:04:59,212
through this unexpected and
flukish elevator malfunction!
125
00:04:59,214 --> 00:05:02,615
Here's some water!
126
00:05:02,617 --> 00:05:04,801
Ah... drat.
127
00:05:04,803 --> 00:05:06,303
Clumsy hands much, Barney?
128
00:05:06,305 --> 00:05:08,421
Just disrobe
and send up those wet clothes.
129
00:05:08,423 --> 00:05:11,124
You'll be cold, so I'll send
down strawberry warming gel
130
00:05:11,126 --> 00:05:13,960
and some cozy, zippered masks.
131
00:05:13,962 --> 00:05:16,062
Ooh.
132
00:05:16,064 --> 00:05:18,481
My calligraphy ink!
133
00:05:19,817 --> 00:05:21,467
I mean, the Gretzky photo!
134
00:05:23,170 --> 00:05:25,605
Some bastard
snuck into my room
135
00:05:25,607 --> 00:05:27,524
and spilled ink
all over the Gretzky photo
136
00:05:27,526 --> 00:05:28,908
I was holding for Barney.
137
00:05:28,910 --> 00:05:30,577
Detective Mosby is on the case.
138
00:05:30,579 --> 00:05:32,996
Oh, God, that's horrible.
I know.
139
00:05:32,998 --> 00:05:34,147
It was a gift for Robin.
140
00:05:34,149 --> 00:05:35,782
No, I mean,
141
00:05:35,784 --> 00:05:38,668
"Oh, God, that's horrible.
Detective Mosby's the worst."
142
00:05:38,670 --> 00:05:40,153
Mm, Detective Mosby is
143
00:05:40,155 --> 00:05:41,871
the case-crackingest
private dick on the scene.
144
00:05:41,873 --> 00:05:44,374
Really? Like that case
from eight years ago
145
00:05:44,376 --> 00:05:46,092
you still haven't cracked?
146
00:05:46,094 --> 00:05:47,794
I'm callin' it.
147
00:05:50,848 --> 00:05:52,499
Damn it!
148
00:05:52,501 --> 00:05:54,384
My greatest failure.
149
00:05:54,386 --> 00:05:56,019
I will solve this case.
150
00:05:56,021 --> 00:05:57,520
Now, there were
three people nearby
151
00:05:57,522 --> 00:05:59,189
when Barney gave me
that head shot:
152
00:05:59,191 --> 00:06:02,609
Karate Kid bad boy Billy Zabka,
153
00:06:02,611 --> 00:06:06,012
a shifty-eyed bellhop,
154
00:06:06,014 --> 00:06:08,347
and Robin's cousin Claudefrom Quebec
155
00:06:08,349 --> 00:06:10,316
with the neck trouble.
156
00:06:10,318 --> 00:06:13,686
Right, 'cause an elaborate
conspiracy is much more likely
157
00:06:13,688 --> 00:06:17,040
than you leaving the photo
next to an open ink bottle.
158
00:06:17,042 --> 00:06:20,193
Thank you!
You can't even detect sarcasm!
159
00:06:20,195 --> 00:06:22,462
Why don't you just
try to fix the photo?
160
00:06:22,464 --> 00:06:23,713
Don't you have ink remover?
161
00:06:23,715 --> 00:06:24,998
Of course I have ink remover.
162
00:06:25,000 --> 00:06:26,866
I'm not one of those sloppy,
punk calligraphers
163
00:06:26,868 --> 00:06:28,385
who's in it
for glory over craft.
164
00:06:28,387 --> 00:06:30,303
No, we got to solve this!
165
00:06:30,305 --> 00:06:31,838
Now, the question is,
166
00:06:31,840 --> 00:06:34,891
which of those three suspects
had the most cause to frame me?
167
00:06:34,893 --> 00:06:39,212
The one that I replacedas Barney's best man?
168
00:06:39,214 --> 00:06:41,898
I'm coming for you, Mosby.
169
00:06:41,900 --> 00:06:43,933
Billy Zabka!
170
00:06:43,935 --> 00:06:46,719
Okay, real quick,
I need fresh-cut
171
00:06:46,721 --> 00:06:49,239
English lavender, a copy of
Shakespeare's 18th sonnet,
172
00:06:49,241 --> 00:06:51,825
and enough Nutella
to cover a 60-year-old woman.
173
00:06:53,010 --> 00:06:55,028
Oh, great. You guys escaped.
174
00:06:55,030 --> 00:06:56,362
Got rescued!
175
00:06:56,364 --> 00:06:57,697
Are you okay?
176
00:06:57,699 --> 00:06:59,032
A bit shaken up.
177
00:06:59,034 --> 00:07:00,900
Being trapped
in an elevator is scary.
178
00:07:00,902 --> 00:07:02,836
No, Barney lowered in a TV
179
00:07:02,838 --> 00:07:06,256
showing some pretty
graphic 1970s pornography.
180
00:07:06,258 --> 00:07:08,458
Still, a lot
of familiar faces in there.
181
00:07:08,460 --> 00:07:09,926
Well, not just faces.
182
00:07:09,928 --> 00:07:12,128
I'm gonna go
find my wife.
183
00:07:13,380 --> 00:07:16,249
Nice job, bro.
184
00:07:16,251 --> 00:07:18,918
Mom was just about
to get some action
185
00:07:18,920 --> 00:07:20,553
for the first time
since she conceived me.
186
00:07:20,555 --> 00:07:21,921
Barney, this has to stop.
187
00:07:21,923 --> 00:07:23,106
You're being delusional.
188
00:07:23,108 --> 00:07:24,324
Mom is not getting back
together with Jerry.
189
00:07:25,260 --> 00:07:27,927
Because she's getting back
together with my daddy!
190
00:07:32,638 --> 00:07:34,912
I see what you're doing.
191
00:07:34,913 --> 00:07:37,063
You didn't bring your dad here
to marry us.
192
00:07:37,065 --> 00:07:39,115
You want him to get back
together with Mom!
193
00:07:39,117 --> 00:07:41,518
Which is completely insane,
by the way.
194
00:07:41,520 --> 00:07:43,987
Um, my dad's single,
Mom's single.
195
00:07:43,989 --> 00:07:45,955
Your dad's happily married
with two kids.
196
00:07:45,957 --> 00:07:47,290
Which one makes more sense?
197
00:07:47,292 --> 00:07:48,858
I agree. It's a tie.
198
00:07:48,860 --> 00:07:50,043
What do we do?
199
00:07:50,045 --> 00:07:51,177
You back down
200
00:07:51,179 --> 00:07:52,762
and let me get my mom
and dad back together?
201
00:07:52,764 --> 00:07:54,264
Um, how about you back down
202
00:07:54,266 --> 00:07:56,383
and let me get my mom and dad
back together?
203
00:07:56,385 --> 00:07:58,518
I can already picture it.
204
00:08:00,689 --> 00:08:04,274
♪ We're reunited
and we're going so strong ♪
205
00:08:04,276 --> 00:08:08,011
♪ My wife died parasailing
and I've moved on ♪
206
00:08:08,013 --> 00:08:11,231
♪ And now our Barney-boy
will always be near ♪
207
00:08:11,233 --> 00:08:14,434
♪ I'll come to live with you
and it won't be weird ♪
208
00:08:14,436 --> 00:08:15,902
Of course not, Wuv-Wuv!
209
00:08:15,904 --> 00:08:18,822
♪ Back together
and forever we'll be ♪
210
00:08:18,824 --> 00:08:20,707
♪ Mom
211
00:08:20,709 --> 00:08:23,093
♪ And Dad
212
00:08:23,095 --> 00:08:25,445
♪ And Barney makes three
213
00:08:25,447 --> 00:08:26,913
We love you, champ!
214
00:08:26,915 --> 00:08:28,614
♪ And I'll live here, too,
since we're married ♪
215
00:08:28,616 --> 00:08:31,968
♪ And I'm totally cool
with it! ♪
216
00:08:32,971 --> 00:08:34,971
That's completely insane.
217
00:08:34,973 --> 00:08:36,923
This is how
it's gonna be.
218
00:08:36,925 --> 00:08:40,877
♪ We're reunited
and I'm feeling so glad ♪
219
00:08:40,879 --> 00:08:43,596
♪ I'm so much sexier
than Barney's dad ♪
220
00:08:44,933 --> 00:08:48,435
♪ Back together, now
our life's right on track ♪
221
00:08:48,437 --> 00:08:51,855
♪ But she's banging my dad
behind your dad's back ♪
222
00:08:51,857 --> 00:08:56,142
♪ When you're at work,
I'm all over her rack ♪
223
00:08:56,144 --> 00:08:58,094
♪ That's not true ♪
♪ Yes, it is
224
00:08:58,096 --> 00:08:59,279
♪ That's not funny ♪
225
00:08:59,281 --> 00:09:00,764
♪ Mom, break the news
226
00:09:00,766 --> 00:09:03,333
♪ Okay, we're screwin'
like bunnies ♪
227
00:09:03,335 --> 00:09:04,534
♪ I'll kick your ass ♪
228
00:09:04,536 --> 00:09:06,819
♪ I'd like to
see you try ♪
229
00:09:06,821 --> 00:09:09,839
♪ Well, my dad would win
in a fight ♪
230
00:09:09,841 --> 00:09:13,326
♪ No, my dad would win
in a fight ♪
231
00:09:13,328 --> 00:09:14,344
♪ No
♪ Yeah
232
00:09:14,346 --> 00:09:15,628
♪ My dad would win
♪ Yeah
233
00:09:15,630 --> 00:09:17,764
♪ In a fight
♪ Yeah!
234
00:09:17,766 --> 00:09:19,999
No, my dad would win in a fight!
Nuh-uh!
235
00:09:20,001 --> 00:09:22,168
Uh-huh!
Don't fight!
236
00:09:22,170 --> 00:09:24,003
- I'm marrying into this family.
- Stop.
237
00:09:24,005 --> 00:09:25,855
You stupid!
I won't stop.
238
00:09:27,691 --> 00:09:29,976
Where the heck is
this parasailing place?
239
00:09:29,978 --> 00:09:31,194
You know what?
240
00:09:31,196 --> 00:09:32,862
I'm gonna...
I'm gonna call Jerry.
241
00:09:34,199 --> 00:09:35,365
Oh, that's weird.
242
00:09:35,367 --> 00:09:37,200
I just lost cell reception.
243
00:09:37,202 --> 00:09:39,035
Yes.
244
00:09:39,037 --> 00:09:41,621
Weird.
245
00:09:42,907 --> 00:09:46,326
Lot of pretty paintings
in this hotel.
246
00:09:46,328 --> 00:09:48,461
I like how
they've been... framed.
247
00:09:48,463 --> 00:09:51,080
I've noticed
the vintage, antique,
248
00:09:51,082 --> 00:09:52,632
gilded Victorian frames, too.
249
00:09:52,634 --> 00:09:55,718
I'm not blind...
but what are you getting at?
250
00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:57,353
You know damn well
what I'm getting at!
251
00:09:57,355 --> 00:09:59,222
You're jealous I got
the Best Mansmanship back,
252
00:09:59,224 --> 00:10:01,541
so you destroyed that photo aspart of some diabolical scheme
253
00:10:01,543 --> 00:10:03,426
to make me look bad.
254
00:10:03,428 --> 00:10:05,345
I bet you even found some otherphoto of Wayne Gretzky
255
00:10:05,347 --> 00:10:06,513
so you could swoop in
and save the day.
256
00:10:06,515 --> 00:10:07,847
You're insane.
Am I?
257
00:10:07,849 --> 00:10:08,982
Yeah. Yeah.
Am I?
258
00:10:08,984 --> 00:10:11,734
Where were you today
at 3:15 p.m.?
259
00:10:11,736 --> 00:10:13,903
Right here
getting a massage.
260
00:10:13,905 --> 00:10:16,189
Rocked a 60-minute
deep tish.
261
00:10:16,191 --> 00:10:18,107
Now if you'll excuse
me, Detective,
262
00:10:18,109 --> 00:10:20,226
I think I'll go
have some pineapple.
263
00:10:21,579 --> 00:10:22,745
How do you know about that?
264
00:10:22,747 --> 00:10:25,031
Everybody knows about that!
265
00:10:25,950 --> 00:10:28,168
Excuse me?
Mm?
266
00:10:28,170 --> 00:10:29,919
You destroyed that photo,
didn't you?
267
00:10:29,921 --> 00:10:31,070
No, I didn't.
268
00:10:31,072 --> 00:10:32,405
Admit it! I complained about you
269
00:10:32,407 --> 00:10:34,874
to the bell captain,
so you got your revenge.
270
00:10:34,876 --> 00:10:36,543
You complained about me?
271
00:10:37,361 --> 00:10:40,046
No.
272
00:10:42,132 --> 00:10:44,100
So, Claude...
273
00:10:44,102 --> 00:10:46,386
I see that you're
a Montreal Canadiens fan.
274
00:10:46,388 --> 00:10:49,389
Which means you hate
the Edmonton Oilers,
275
00:10:49,391 --> 00:10:51,558
which is why you destroyed
the Wayne Gretzky head shot!
276
00:10:51,560 --> 00:10:52,642
J'accuse!
277
00:10:52,644 --> 00:10:54,427
C'est ridicule!
278
00:10:54,429 --> 00:10:55,979
If it's so ridicule,
279
00:10:55,981 --> 00:10:58,982
how do you explain this?
280
00:10:58,984 --> 00:11:00,817
Ah, seems
like I've caught you...
281
00:11:00,819 --> 00:11:03,436
midnight blue-handed.
282
00:11:03,438 --> 00:11:04,954
Oh, these.
Yeah.
283
00:11:04,956 --> 00:11:07,574
I-I was out by the water when...
284
00:11:07,576 --> 00:11:11,211
an elderly R-Rastafarian
hang glider...
285
00:11:11,213 --> 00:11:13,663
he-he crash
onto a beached squid,
286
00:11:13,665 --> 00:11:17,750
which squirted ink
when I ran in to help.
287
00:11:17,752 --> 00:11:19,785
You really expect me
to believe that?
288
00:11:19,787 --> 00:11:22,789
Story checks out.
289
00:11:22,791 --> 00:11:24,724
Sorry, Claude.
290
00:11:24,726 --> 00:11:27,260
De rien.
291
00:11:27,262 --> 00:11:29,012
I don't get it.
292
00:11:29,014 --> 00:11:29,979
We were bonding.
293
00:11:30,931 --> 00:11:34,434
I can't think of
anything I did wrong!
294
00:11:34,436 --> 00:11:36,302
Okay, I did a few things wrong.
295
00:11:36,304 --> 00:11:37,687
For the last time,
296
00:11:37,689 --> 00:11:41,807
I did not leave the bag of
oranges you bought on the roof!
297
00:11:44,144 --> 00:11:46,779
No more breaking the
speed limit. And, uh,
298
00:11:46,781 --> 00:11:50,366
thanks for flagging me down and
telling me she was going 67.
299
00:11:50,368 --> 00:11:52,201
Just following the rules,
Officer.
300
00:11:52,203 --> 00:11:55,488
Oh. She's also not
wearing her seat belt.
301
00:11:57,925 --> 00:12:00,009
You are not allowed
to use that word!
302
00:12:00,011 --> 00:12:02,262
Only we're allowed
to use that word!
303
00:12:02,264 --> 00:12:04,631
I am so sorry.
304
00:12:04,633 --> 00:12:05,515
I will never
305
00:12:05,517 --> 00:12:08,134
call you or anyone else a...
306
00:12:08,136 --> 00:12:10,053
Trekkie again.
307
00:12:10,055 --> 00:12:12,555
But I apologized
and you accepted.
308
00:12:12,557 --> 00:12:14,857
I even bought you more oranges.
309
00:12:19,530 --> 00:12:22,348
Look, it wasn't you, okay?
310
00:12:22,350 --> 00:12:25,718
Baby, I know your speech
at the Model U.N. is a big deal,
311
00:12:25,720 --> 00:12:28,204
but I'm just not sure
I'll make it in time.
312
00:12:28,206 --> 00:12:29,622
I'm trying.
313
00:12:29,624 --> 00:12:30,823
You know what?
314
00:12:30,825 --> 00:12:32,542
Don't bother coming.
315
00:12:36,330 --> 00:12:38,498
So, back at the airport,
that story was true?
316
00:12:38,500 --> 00:12:39,532
You have a daughter?
317
00:12:39,534 --> 00:12:41,250
She lives with her dad.
318
00:12:41,252 --> 00:12:44,704
And since I travel for work,
I miss a lot of stuff.
319
00:12:45,756 --> 00:12:49,008
I only work as hard as I do
to provide for her.
320
00:12:49,010 --> 00:12:52,345
But kids,
they don't understand logic.
321
00:12:52,347 --> 00:12:54,814
Kids understand who shows up.
322
00:12:54,816 --> 00:12:56,182
That's why
323
00:12:56,184 --> 00:12:57,817
her dad's her hero...
324
00:12:57,819 --> 00:13:01,571
and I get hung up on.
325
00:13:01,573 --> 00:13:03,072
Go see your daughter's speech.
326
00:13:03,074 --> 00:13:05,158
If you show up,
all will be forgiven.
327
00:13:05,160 --> 00:13:06,409
Just drop it.
328
00:13:07,027 --> 00:13:08,361
And drop me at home.
329
00:13:08,363 --> 00:13:09,946
Then head out to your wedding.
330
00:13:09,948 --> 00:13:11,581
End of discussion.
331
00:13:13,400 --> 00:13:15,251
Barney,
even if your plan worked,
332
00:13:15,253 --> 00:13:16,919
you'd be destroying
your dad's marriage.
333
00:13:16,921 --> 00:13:19,071
Okay, you may have a point.
334
00:13:19,073 --> 00:13:20,206
Can I suggest something?
335
00:13:20,908 --> 00:13:21,924
Truce?
336
00:13:21,926 --> 00:13:23,909
We both agree to drop this.
337
00:13:23,911 --> 00:13:25,911
Agreed.
338
00:13:25,913 --> 00:13:27,363
Hey, I got a replacement bottle
339
00:13:27,365 --> 00:13:30,183
of 30-year Glen McKenna.
Okay.
340
00:13:30,185 --> 00:13:32,552
Look, even if Mom
never gets back together
341
00:13:32,554 --> 00:13:35,304
with either one of our dads,
we're still brothers.
342
00:13:35,306 --> 00:13:37,273
It's not a competition.
343
00:13:41,945 --> 00:13:43,112
I win!
344
00:13:43,114 --> 00:13:45,281
Hoo-hoo!
345
00:13:47,434 --> 00:13:49,656
Get your damn
hands off my mom!
346
00:13:49,657 --> 00:13:51,374
Get your damn hands
on my mom!
347
00:13:51,376 --> 00:13:52,708
One on, one off?
348
00:13:52,710 --> 00:13:54,844
What the hell is
going on here?
349
00:13:54,846 --> 00:13:56,979
After you boys tracked Sam down
a few years back,
350
00:13:56,981 --> 00:13:58,948
we got in touch.
We became friends again,
351
00:13:58,950 --> 00:14:00,983
started hanging out.
And then one day,
352
00:14:00,985 --> 00:14:03,419
she went from being
Loretta to being...
353
00:14:03,421 --> 00:14:05,554
Lo-ret-ta.
354
00:14:05,556 --> 00:14:06,973
We wanted to wait
to tell you
355
00:14:06,975 --> 00:14:08,190
because it's still new,
356
00:14:08,192 --> 00:14:10,059
but it was inevitable
you'd find out
357
00:14:10,061 --> 00:14:12,395
once Sam came
to perform the ceremony.
358
00:14:12,397 --> 00:14:13,846
Is that what you
two call it?
359
00:14:13,848 --> 00:14:16,232
"Performing
the ceremony"?
360
00:14:16,234 --> 00:14:17,483
Oh, Sam's marrying you
tomorrow, dear.
361
00:14:17,485 --> 00:14:20,019
Right. Thank you, Reverend.
Look,
362
00:14:20,021 --> 00:14:22,538
is there any way you guys
can be all right with this?
363
00:14:22,540 --> 00:14:24,740
Of course I am!
364
00:14:24,742 --> 00:14:27,376
Barney?
365
00:14:27,378 --> 00:14:30,329
I know I've been acting crazy
today, but...
366
00:14:30,331 --> 00:14:32,548
I just have
one real question, Mom,
367
00:14:32,550 --> 00:14:34,366
and I want an honest answer.
368
00:14:35,135 --> 00:14:36,135
Is there a scenario--
369
00:14:36,137 --> 00:14:37,169
and hear me out--
370
00:14:37,171 --> 00:14:39,338
where you might consider
371
00:14:39,340 --> 00:14:41,874
doing kind of a three-way deal
with both of our dads?
372
00:14:41,876 --> 00:14:44,060
God! What is wrong with you?!
Oh, dude, come on!
373
00:14:44,062 --> 00:14:46,312
That's what I thought!
374
00:14:48,765 --> 00:14:51,017
It's time to
admit it, Ted.
375
00:14:51,019 --> 00:14:53,653
You spilled the ink.
There's no conspiracy.
376
00:14:53,655 --> 00:14:55,021
I guess you're right.
377
00:14:55,023 --> 00:14:56,439
I mean, the only other person
378
00:14:56,441 --> 00:14:58,741
who saw Barney give me
that photo...
379
00:14:58,743 --> 00:14:59,992
was you.
380
00:15:01,746 --> 00:15:03,062
Hey. Idiot.
381
00:15:03,064 --> 00:15:04,730
While you've been
382
00:15:04,732 --> 00:15:07,116
playing detective,
I've been cleaning up your mess.
383
00:15:07,118 --> 00:15:10,235
Look, the ink remover works.
384
00:15:10,237 --> 00:15:11,003
I'm gonna
finish this.
385
00:15:11,005 --> 00:15:13,089
You come clean to Barney.
386
00:15:13,091 --> 00:15:14,573
Okay.
387
00:15:14,575 --> 00:15:16,625
She's been
missing all day,
388
00:15:16,627 --> 00:15:20,880
a-and I found what appears to be
a-a suicide note on my bed.
389
00:15:20,882 --> 00:15:23,349
But it doesn't
really sound like her.
390
00:15:23,351 --> 00:15:27,853
"I'm going to kill my--
wait for it-- self."
391
00:15:29,439 --> 00:15:31,273
Is everything okay
with Mr. Zabka?
392
00:15:31,275 --> 00:15:35,260
Wait. W-Wait. Why do you think
that's Billy Zabka?
393
00:15:37,615 --> 00:15:39,765
See?
394
00:15:39,767 --> 00:15:41,734
The man from the
lobby got this massage.
395
00:15:41,736 --> 00:15:43,819
A younger gentleman bought it
for him as a gift.
396
00:15:43,821 --> 00:15:45,237
He even signed his name for him.
397
00:15:45,239 --> 00:15:46,438
Right here.
398
00:15:59,452 --> 00:16:01,303
I'm telling all y'all...
399
00:16:01,305 --> 00:16:03,005
it's Zabka-tage.
400
00:16:03,007 --> 00:16:05,457
♪ I can't stand it,
I know you planned it ♪
401
00:16:05,459 --> 00:16:08,511
♪ I'm gonna set it straight,
this Watergate ♪
402
00:16:08,513 --> 00:16:10,295
♪ I can't stand rocking
when I'm in here ♪
403
00:16:10,297 --> 00:16:12,631
♪ 'Cause your crystal ball
ain't so crystal clear ♪
404
00:16:12,633 --> 00:16:16,301
♪ So while you sit back
and wonder why ♪
405
00:16:16,303 --> 00:16:19,755
♪ I got this ... thorn
in my side ♪
406
00:16:21,292 --> 00:16:23,325
Lily's second tackleof the weekend.
407
00:16:23,327 --> 00:16:26,946
♪ Sabotage.
408
00:16:26,948 --> 00:16:28,914
Wakey, wakey.
409
00:16:32,819 --> 00:16:34,236
Wait, this isn't...
410
00:16:34,238 --> 00:16:35,588
It's your
daughter's school.
411
00:16:35,590 --> 00:16:37,173
You need to go in.
412
00:16:37,175 --> 00:16:39,158
She asked me not to come,
Marshall.
413
00:16:39,160 --> 00:16:41,544
This doesn't make any sense.
414
00:16:41,546 --> 00:16:43,345
Kids don't understand logic.
415
00:16:43,347 --> 00:16:46,549
Kids understand who shows up.
416
00:17:05,535 --> 00:17:08,621
People say
children are the future.
417
00:17:08,623 --> 00:17:10,189
I say...
418
00:17:10,191 --> 00:17:11,657
oil is the future!
419
00:17:11,659 --> 00:17:14,043
Don't listen to these
gutless environmental sissies!
420
00:17:14,045 --> 00:17:15,861
That's my baby.
Drill in the oceans!
421
00:17:15,863 --> 00:17:17,496
Thank you.
Drill in the wetlands!
422
00:17:17,498 --> 00:17:19,298
Pumpkin head.
Drill in the national parks!
423
00:17:19,300 --> 00:17:20,532
You're welcome.
424
00:17:20,534 --> 00:17:22,134
Drill, baby, drill!
Drill, baby, drill!
425
00:17:22,136 --> 00:17:24,203
Drill, baby, drill!
We should go.
426
00:17:24,205 --> 00:17:26,505
Drill, baby, drill!
Drill, baby, drill!
427
00:17:26,507 --> 00:17:29,842
Drill, baby, drill!
Drill, baby, drill!
428
00:17:29,844 --> 00:17:31,343
Drill, baby, drill!
429
00:17:31,345 --> 00:17:32,978
You said it was nuts
430
00:17:32,980 --> 00:17:35,214
to think that my mom and dad
would get back together.
431
00:17:35,216 --> 00:17:36,715
But that's what happened
for James.
432
00:17:36,717 --> 00:17:39,068
I've been dreaming of that
since I was five.
433
00:17:39,070 --> 00:17:42,054
Well, that and my own
operational Death Star.
434
00:17:42,056 --> 00:17:44,356
But mostly them
getting back together.
435
00:17:44,358 --> 00:17:46,358
Why does James get it
and I don't?
436
00:17:46,360 --> 00:17:47,443
Well, think about it.
437
00:17:47,445 --> 00:17:49,995
You have me,
your dad has Cheryl...
438
00:17:49,997 --> 00:17:51,080
"So to summarize:
439
00:17:51,082 --> 00:17:52,164
"I'm super dead,
440
00:17:52,166 --> 00:17:54,667
"you should totally bone
Loretta,
441
00:17:54,669 --> 00:17:55,417
"and I never
442
00:17:55,419 --> 00:17:57,253
loved you, Cheryl,"
443
00:17:57,255 --> 00:17:59,922
which is misspelled.
444
00:17:59,924 --> 00:18:01,841
...but James is going
through a divorce.
445
00:18:01,843 --> 00:18:03,742
He just lost his family.
446
00:18:03,744 --> 00:18:06,795
I-I know you've been
dreaming of this, but...
447
00:18:06,797 --> 00:18:09,431
maybe he needs "Mom
and Dad" more than you.
448
00:18:10,750 --> 00:18:14,553
So, Billy, did you really think
you could get away with it?
449
00:18:14,555 --> 00:18:15,604
Actually, I did.
450
00:18:15,606 --> 00:18:16,472
Ah.
I was gonna
451
00:18:16,474 --> 00:18:17,756
give this to Barney
452
00:18:17,758 --> 00:18:18,858
and say I'd driven an hour away
453
00:18:18,860 --> 00:18:20,976
to get a replacement
from an autograph dealer.
454
00:18:20,978 --> 00:18:22,878
First, I needed an alibi.
455
00:18:22,880 --> 00:18:24,780
So I got Barney's dad a massage
456
00:18:24,782 --> 00:18:27,066
but signed in my name.
457
00:18:27,068 --> 00:18:30,435
Then I switched the Gretzkyhead shot with one of myself.
458
00:18:30,437 --> 00:18:33,205
I always travel with 2,000of those handsome devils
459
00:18:33,207 --> 00:18:35,407
in the trunk of my car.
460
00:18:36,826 --> 00:18:39,745
I have so many questions
for you, but first...
461
00:18:39,747 --> 00:18:43,165
you keep 2,000 head shots
of yourself in your trunk?
462
00:18:43,167 --> 00:18:44,967
No one ever wants them!
They only want
463
00:18:44,969 --> 00:18:47,169
the "good guy's" autograph!
464
00:18:47,171 --> 00:18:49,805
In the '80s, I was the bad guy
in every movie.
465
00:18:49,807 --> 00:18:52,424
Do you know what my life
has been like?
466
00:18:52,426 --> 00:18:55,811
Every premiere,when I came on-screen...
467
00:18:56,981 --> 00:18:58,564
I wasn't a bad guyin real life,
468
00:18:58,566 --> 00:19:00,399
just a kick-ass actor.
469
00:19:00,401 --> 00:19:01,817
No one got that.
470
00:19:01,819 --> 00:19:03,969
It happened everywhere I went.
471
00:19:03,971 --> 00:19:06,605
Somehow,people always had popcorn.
472
00:19:06,607 --> 00:19:10,576
25 years of gettingcrane-kicked in the nuts,
473
00:19:10,578 --> 00:19:14,446
until Barney Stinson gave methe best moment of my life.
474
00:19:14,448 --> 00:19:17,082
Hey. Hey, some issues
just came up with Ted, so...
475
00:19:17,084 --> 00:19:18,334
will you be my best man?
476
00:19:18,336 --> 00:19:19,702
Sure.
Thanks.
477
00:19:22,622 --> 00:19:24,790
Hello?
Mom?
478
00:19:24,792 --> 00:19:26,759
No, no, listen, listen.
479
00:19:26,761 --> 00:19:29,011
I just became
somebody's best man.
480
00:19:29,013 --> 00:19:32,664
You can come
to Thanksgiving this year!
481
00:19:32,666 --> 00:19:35,000
To Barney Stinson,
I wasn't a bad guy.
482
00:19:35,002 --> 00:19:39,338
To Barney Stinson, I was
the best man.
483
00:19:39,340 --> 00:19:43,058
I thought if Ted screwed up
again, I'd have another shot.
484
00:19:44,110 --> 00:19:46,612
But I guess this time
I really was the bad guy.
485
00:19:46,614 --> 00:19:48,280
Hey, Ted,
what's so urgent?
486
00:19:48,282 --> 00:19:50,866
I have something
to tell you.
487
00:19:52,153 --> 00:19:54,686
I destroyed
that Gretzky head shot
488
00:19:54,688 --> 00:19:57,189
and I couldn't fix it.
Billy saved the day
489
00:19:57,191 --> 00:19:59,959
by getting a new one
from an autograph dealer nearby.
490
00:19:59,961 --> 00:20:01,126
A-An hour away.
491
00:20:01,128 --> 00:20:03,162
An hour away. Just be cool.
492
00:20:03,164 --> 00:20:05,130
Awesome. Thanks, Billy!
493
00:20:06,467 --> 00:20:09,084
Ah.
494
00:20:09,086 --> 00:20:11,053
And, Ted...
495
00:20:11,055 --> 00:20:13,422
I really appreciate
that you told the truth.
496
00:20:13,424 --> 00:20:15,140
Ow...
Psych!
497
00:20:15,142 --> 00:20:16,675
Billy rules,
Ted drools,
498
00:20:16,677 --> 00:20:17,876
Stinson out.
499
00:20:19,729 --> 00:20:21,764
You're all right, Mosby.
500
00:20:21,766 --> 00:20:25,234
And for an all too rare momentthat weekend,
501
00:20:25,236 --> 00:20:26,718
everything was all right.
502
00:20:28,356 --> 00:20:30,689
♪ Bang bang
503
00:20:32,359 --> 00:20:34,193
♪ Bangity bang
Um, Barney?
504
00:20:34,195 --> 00:20:36,745
Is this your way
of saying you're supporting us?
505
00:20:36,747 --> 00:20:38,397
Yes! Go for it.
506
00:20:38,399 --> 00:20:40,949
♪ I said bang
Consummate your love!
507
00:20:40,951 --> 00:20:42,618
♪ Bang
Thanks, bro.
508
00:20:42,620 --> 00:20:46,455
♪ Bangity bang
But this is super weird.
509
00:20:47,457 --> 00:20:50,375
Super weird.
510
00:20:50,377 --> 00:20:51,626
♪ Bang bang.
511
00:20:53,832 --> 00:20:55,450
Are we almost there?
512
00:20:55,451 --> 00:20:56,984
Almost there.
513
00:20:58,713 --> 00:21:01,286
Give me back my wife,
you son of a bitch!
514
00:21:03,339 --> 00:21:08,339
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
36956
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