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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,851 --> 00:00:03,969 I can't believe your mom's not coming to the wedding? 2 00:00:03,971 --> 00:00:05,687 Okay, seriously, I-I need to stop crying 3 00:00:05,689 --> 00:00:08,040 Does anyone know how to turn this off? 4 00:00:08,042 --> 00:00:09,591 Is there, like, a button or something? 5 00:00:09,593 --> 00:00:11,360 Want me to feel around for it? 6 00:00:11,362 --> 00:00:12,994 It's probably somewhere on your back. 7 00:00:12,996 --> 00:00:15,397 Stop it. What? I'm trying to cheer you up. 8 00:00:15,399 --> 00:00:17,282 I don't think that's possible at this point. 9 00:00:17,284 --> 00:00:18,950 Challenge accepted! 10 00:00:18,952 --> 00:00:20,285 No, Barney, 11 00:00:20,287 --> 00:00:23,588 I just need to get myself to stop crying, that's all. 12 00:00:23,590 --> 00:00:24,790 Boogity-boo! 13 00:00:24,792 --> 00:00:26,925 Lily, what the hell?! It's not the hiccups. 14 00:00:26,927 --> 00:00:28,576 I was just going on a hunch. 15 00:00:28,578 --> 00:00:31,213 And now I have the hiccups. 16 00:00:31,312 --> 00:00:35,312 ♪ How I Met Your Mother 9x09 ♪ Platonish Original Air Date on November 11, 2013 17 00:00:35,337 --> 00:00:40,337 == sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man 18 00:00:43,976 --> 00:00:45,977 Look, guys, just, seriously, don't worry about me, okay? 19 00:00:45,979 --> 00:00:47,863 Just let me deal with this on my own. 20 00:00:47,865 --> 00:00:50,148 I'm afraid that's not possible, Robin. 21 00:00:50,150 --> 00:00:53,568 Once I've accepted a challenge, it cannot be unaccepted. 22 00:00:53,570 --> 00:00:57,072 I will not rest until the job is done. 23 00:00:57,074 --> 00:00:58,373 Oh, is that so? 24 00:00:58,375 --> 00:01:01,910 Then where are our diapers and Samosas? 25 00:01:01,912 --> 00:01:03,378 Aha! 26 00:01:03,380 --> 00:01:05,881 Diapers and Samosas. Oh, that's about something 27 00:01:05,883 --> 00:01:09,050 that happened six months earlier in the fall of 2012. 28 00:01:09,052 --> 00:01:11,553 Major craving for a mojito. 29 00:01:11,555 --> 00:01:12,921 Oh, God, we're back 30 00:01:12,923 --> 00:01:15,507 to your stupid little private joke again? 31 00:01:15,509 --> 00:01:18,226 Are you guys really still doing this seven years later? 32 00:01:18,228 --> 00:01:20,679 It's so annoying. Just stop it. 33 00:01:20,681 --> 00:01:22,013 Private joke again? 34 00:01:22,015 --> 00:01:24,182 Are you guys really still doing this seven years later? 35 00:01:24,184 --> 00:01:25,734 It's so annoying. Just stop it. 36 00:01:25,736 --> 00:01:27,486 You don't salute a private! 37 00:01:27,488 --> 00:01:29,471 I'll be right back. All right. 38 00:01:29,473 --> 00:01:31,973 Lily, are you playing footsie with me? 39 00:01:31,975 --> 00:01:33,191 What? 40 00:01:33,193 --> 00:01:35,777 Oh, no, no. I was just feeling around for your shin. 41 00:01:35,779 --> 00:01:37,362 My shin? Why would you...? 42 00:01:37,364 --> 00:01:38,947 Ow! Why'd you do that? 43 00:01:38,949 --> 00:01:40,415 To remind you what pain is. 44 00:01:40,417 --> 00:01:43,952 You keep it up with all the cutesy-tootsy stuff with Robin, 45 00:01:43,954 --> 00:01:47,322 gonna be a whole lot more where that came from. 46 00:01:47,324 --> 00:01:49,040 Lily, you have nothing to worry about. 47 00:01:49,042 --> 00:01:51,659 I better not. You and Robin are platonic. 48 00:01:51,661 --> 00:01:54,662 Please. Ted and Robin are not platonic. 49 00:01:54,664 --> 00:01:56,765 Just like me and Robin are not platonic. 50 00:01:56,767 --> 00:02:00,552 Just like no two single people in the world are ever platonic. 51 00:02:00,554 --> 00:02:03,388 Symposium: two people are only platonic if 52 00:02:03,390 --> 00:02:04,740 in the next 20 minutes 53 00:02:04,765 --> 00:02:06,912 there is no chance of them hooking up. 54 00:02:07,027 --> 00:02:11,613 Truth is, I only know of one genuinely platonic relationship. 55 00:02:11,615 --> 00:02:12,680 You and me. 56 00:02:12,682 --> 00:02:13,782 Don't make me laugh, Lily. 57 00:02:13,784 --> 00:02:15,283 You want to hit this so hard. 58 00:02:15,285 --> 00:02:19,204 Seriously, she's playing footsies with me as I... Ow! 59 00:02:19,206 --> 00:02:22,741 No, I'm talking about Marshall and Robin. 60 00:02:22,743 --> 00:02:25,744 Marshall and Robin wouldn't hook up even if this happened: 61 00:02:25,746 --> 00:02:27,379 Marshall, Robin! 62 00:02:27,381 --> 00:02:30,215 If you guys don't full-on make out in the next 20 minutes, 63 00:02:30,217 --> 00:02:32,751 they're gonna blow me up and everyone in this bar! 64 00:02:32,753 --> 00:02:34,869 My God, no! Anyone but Robin. 65 00:02:34,871 --> 00:02:36,688 I really don't want to do this! 66 00:02:36,690 --> 00:02:38,890 Guys, we have no time! Just do it! 67 00:02:46,849 --> 00:02:49,734 I'm sorry, baby, I just, I can't do it. 68 00:02:49,736 --> 00:02:50,485 Aw... 69 00:02:51,605 --> 00:02:54,072 And the only survivor was me 70 00:02:54,074 --> 00:02:56,391 because I was upstairs banging Ted's mom. 71 00:02:56,393 --> 00:02:58,893 What? Get that blond girl's phone number? 72 00:02:58,895 --> 00:03:00,278 Challenge accepted. 73 00:03:02,833 --> 00:03:06,201 Unknown caller, stop calling me. 74 00:03:06,203 --> 00:03:07,235 Are you gonna answer it? 75 00:03:07,237 --> 00:03:08,370 Yeah, 'cause it's 1994 76 00:03:08,372 --> 00:03:09,788 and I'm gonna pick up a phone 77 00:03:09,790 --> 00:03:11,289 without knowing who's on the other end. 78 00:03:11,291 --> 00:03:13,458 I should get going. 79 00:03:13,460 --> 00:03:14,676 Ted... 80 00:03:14,678 --> 00:03:16,344 Lily, by every definition of the word platonic, 81 00:03:16,346 --> 00:03:18,246 including Barney's fake one, I can say 82 00:03:18,248 --> 00:03:19,681 with total certainty... 83 00:03:19,683 --> 00:03:20,966 that Brussels sprouts 84 00:03:20,968 --> 00:03:22,917 are the comeback vegetable of the 21st century. 85 00:03:22,919 --> 00:03:24,085 Well, see you guys later. 86 00:03:24,087 --> 00:03:25,887 Bye. 87 00:03:25,889 --> 00:03:29,391 Challenge completed. 88 00:03:29,393 --> 00:03:32,143 I'm sorry. I-I missed the first half of this. 89 00:03:32,145 --> 00:03:33,395 Um, why is picking up 90 00:03:33,397 --> 00:03:36,481 a drunk chick sitting alone and rubbing a tan line 91 00:03:36,483 --> 00:03:39,618 on her finger where a wedding ring used to be, a challenge? 92 00:03:39,620 --> 00:03:42,504 Because I said challenge accepted. 93 00:03:42,506 --> 00:03:44,489 See? That's your problem, Barney. 94 00:03:44,491 --> 00:03:47,492 You only accept challenges you came up with. 95 00:03:47,494 --> 00:03:50,295 Just once, I'd like to see you accept 96 00:03:50,297 --> 00:03:51,663 someone else's challenge. 97 00:03:51,665 --> 00:03:54,182 Challenge acc... Wait-- what's the challenge? 98 00:03:54,184 --> 00:03:58,053 Interesting. An opportunity rife with possibilities. 99 00:03:58,055 --> 00:03:59,387 We need to find something 100 00:03:59,389 --> 00:04:01,139 with just the right amount of poetic... 101 00:04:01,141 --> 00:04:04,392 Get a girl's number while talking like a dolphin! 102 00:04:04,394 --> 00:04:06,294 That works. 103 00:04:19,108 --> 00:04:22,143 Open your eyes, ref! That's not a pregnant lady! 104 00:04:22,145 --> 00:04:24,162 It's a basketball under his shirt! 105 00:04:24,164 --> 00:04:25,997 Blow the freakin' whistle! 106 00:04:26,866 --> 00:04:28,617 Anyways, Barney's right; 107 00:04:28,619 --> 00:04:30,652 I would absolutely let the bar blow up. 108 00:04:30,654 --> 00:04:33,455 But you'd die, and Lily would die, too. 109 00:04:33,457 --> 00:04:35,957 Yeah, but then we could haunt the bar for eternity 110 00:04:35,959 --> 00:04:38,009 like we always planned. Anyways, Robin's your girl. 111 00:04:38,011 --> 00:04:39,878 Why do we keep coming back to this? 112 00:04:39,880 --> 00:04:42,097 It's fun. Tickets are cheap. Gets us out of the house. 113 00:04:42,099 --> 00:04:43,598 No, me and Robin. 114 00:04:45,384 --> 00:04:48,520 Because Robin told me that she's still in love with you. 115 00:04:52,746 --> 00:04:55,161 Are you serious? Robin told you that she's 116 00:04:55,162 --> 00:04:56,494 still in love with me? 117 00:04:56,660 --> 00:04:58,027 No, I just made that up. 118 00:04:58,029 --> 00:05:00,079 But it was worth it because I can tell 119 00:05:00,081 --> 00:05:03,065 by that look on your face that you still have feelings for Robin. 120 00:05:03,067 --> 00:05:05,668 Okay, ball is sitting on the basket! 121 00:05:05,989 --> 00:05:08,856 That's not only illegal, it's unsafe! 122 00:05:08,858 --> 00:05:11,142 Come on, Gens, D up! 123 00:05:11,144 --> 00:05:14,295 It's this monastery in Connecticut out in the woods, 124 00:05:14,297 --> 00:05:17,415 and the nuns there, they make this gourmet cheese. 125 00:05:17,417 --> 00:05:18,749 It's just amazing. 126 00:05:20,420 --> 00:05:22,703 Wow, was that three glasses of wine? 127 00:05:22,705 --> 00:05:24,138 Where does the time go 128 00:05:26,226 --> 00:05:28,226 Look, I know that you need 129 00:05:28,228 --> 00:05:29,710 to get back to your studies. 130 00:05:29,712 --> 00:05:32,313 Maybe we could get together some other time? 131 00:05:35,034 --> 00:05:36,150 No! Not possible! 132 00:05:36,152 --> 00:05:37,935 It was the performance of a lifetime. 133 00:05:37,937 --> 00:05:39,200 Man, if I'd have hung around for a few more minutes, 134 00:05:39,201 --> 00:05:39,759 I probably could have 135 00:05:39,760 --> 00:05:41,927 gotten her to touch my blowhole. Give me that. 136 00:05:44,944 --> 00:05:46,611 Hello? 137 00:05:46,613 --> 00:05:48,562 Hi, did you just give your phone number to a guy 138 00:05:48,564 --> 00:05:49,697 who was squeaking like a dolphin? 139 00:05:49,699 --> 00:05:51,866 Yeah. 140 00:05:51,868 --> 00:05:52,950 Honey, listen to me. 141 00:05:52,952 --> 00:05:55,203 I need you to take a year, a full year 142 00:05:55,205 --> 00:05:56,671 and just be celibate, okay? 143 00:05:56,673 --> 00:05:57,838 No boys. 144 00:05:57,840 --> 00:05:59,257 One year. 145 00:05:59,259 --> 00:06:01,175 I think you know I'm right about this. 146 00:06:01,177 --> 00:06:02,627 You're right. 147 00:06:02,629 --> 00:06:03,928 Yeah. 148 00:06:03,930 --> 00:06:05,346 That was heartbreaking 149 00:06:05,348 --> 00:06:07,915 And pants-breaking Boing-oing-oing! 150 00:06:07,917 --> 00:06:09,467 All right, next challenge. 151 00:06:09,469 --> 00:06:11,519 Oh, this is an all-night thing? 152 00:06:11,521 --> 00:06:15,723 Okay, um, pick up a girl... 153 00:06:15,725 --> 00:06:17,275 wearing a garbage bag. 154 00:06:17,277 --> 00:06:20,778 I'd be "Glad" to. 155 00:06:21,596 --> 00:06:23,698 Just hope she's not too "Hefty"" 156 00:06:23,700 --> 00:06:27,985 And those are all of the brands of trash bags I can think of. 157 00:06:27,987 --> 00:06:29,070 I'm not done. 158 00:06:29,072 --> 00:06:33,457 You also can't use the letter "E." 159 00:06:35,794 --> 00:06:40,131 Challng... accptd-d. 160 00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:43,251 You're single, she's single, 161 00:06:43,253 --> 00:06:44,552 It's time to do this. 162 00:06:44,554 --> 00:06:46,504 You're only saying this because you bet Lily 163 00:06:46,506 --> 00:06:48,455 that Robin and I would end up together, 164 00:06:48,457 --> 00:06:49,957 and you want that five bucks. 165 00:06:49,959 --> 00:06:51,559 I need that five bucks, Ted. 166 00:06:51,561 --> 00:06:54,312 But more importantly, I need you to be happy. 167 00:06:54,314 --> 00:06:56,397 Marshall, we're platonic. 168 00:06:56,399 --> 00:06:57,815 But you're not platonic! 169 00:06:57,817 --> 00:07:00,484 You are 20 short minutes away from happily ever after. 170 00:07:00,486 --> 00:07:03,070 I mean, if you left right now. 171 00:07:07,142 --> 00:07:08,159 Hey. 172 00:07:08,161 --> 00:07:10,111 I have loved you from the moment we met. 173 00:07:10,113 --> 00:07:11,478 I know we're meant to be together. 174 00:07:11,480 --> 00:07:12,947 I don't want to waste another second without you. 175 00:07:12,949 --> 00:07:14,031 Let's give it another shot. 176 00:07:14,033 --> 00:07:15,649 Okay! 177 00:07:15,651 --> 00:07:17,651 No! 178 00:07:17,653 --> 00:07:19,787 Pay up, baby. Pay up. 179 00:07:19,789 --> 00:07:21,488 Oh, yes! 180 00:07:21,490 --> 00:07:24,825 ♪ Sweet, sweet five bucks, you soon will be mine ♪ 181 00:07:24,827 --> 00:07:27,295 ♪ Even though Lily and I share bank accounts ♪ 182 00:07:27,297 --> 00:07:30,131 ♪ You're already mine to begin with. ♪ Sorry. 183 00:07:30,133 --> 00:07:33,951 And you and Robin get a lifetime of happiness, so there's that. 184 00:07:33,953 --> 00:07:35,102 But you better hurry up 185 00:07:35,104 --> 00:07:36,503 before some other guy snatches her up. 186 00:07:36,505 --> 00:07:38,522 Really? And who's my competition? 187 00:07:38,524 --> 00:07:43,527 Okay, don't use the letter "E." Don't use the letter "E." 188 00:07:44,980 --> 00:07:45,780 Hey. 189 00:07:45,782 --> 00:07:47,815 Damn it. 190 00:07:47,817 --> 00:07:51,369 Hi. I... am... 191 00:07:51,371 --> 00:07:53,237 Barney. Damn it! 192 00:07:53,239 --> 00:07:54,639 There's an E in my name! 193 00:07:54,641 --> 00:07:58,626 Hi. My word for... 194 00:07:58,628 --> 00:08:02,246 this guy is Barno. 195 00:08:02,964 --> 00:08:08,419 Barno. You look... 196 00:08:08,421 --> 00:08:10,171 not ugly. 197 00:08:11,090 --> 00:08:13,424 Your... dial thing... 198 00:08:13,426 --> 00:08:14,425 is what? 199 00:08:14,427 --> 00:08:17,228 Do you want to just go back to my place? 200 00:08:17,230 --> 00:08:19,180 Yes. Damn it! 201 00:08:20,098 --> 00:08:22,600 I want to buy you a drink. 202 00:08:22,602 --> 00:08:27,104 But first, what do I call you? 203 00:08:27,106 --> 00:08:28,739 Elaine Edelstein. 204 00:08:30,892 --> 00:08:34,612 How about I just call you... 205 00:08:34,614 --> 00:08:35,913 tomorrow? 206 00:08:35,915 --> 00:08:39,500 Your digits, m'lady? 207 00:08:40,369 --> 00:08:41,952 Seriously, guys, 208 00:08:41,954 --> 00:08:43,954 you're gonna have to try harder than that. 209 00:08:43,956 --> 00:08:46,207 Challenge accepted. 210 00:08:47,509 --> 00:08:48,742 Excuse me, hi. 211 00:08:48,744 --> 00:08:51,178 I'm Ryan Gosling's personal assistant. 212 00:08:51,180 --> 00:08:53,464 He saw you as you were walking in, 213 00:08:53,466 --> 00:08:56,801 and he sent me over to tell you to wait here. 214 00:08:56,803 --> 00:08:58,302 Be cool. This is real, okay? 215 00:08:58,304 --> 00:09:01,806 But listen, Ryan is super shy. 216 00:09:01,808 --> 00:09:04,024 Aw... I know. 217 00:09:04,026 --> 00:09:06,927 Which means that if he comes in here and he sees you talking 218 00:09:06,929 --> 00:09:09,897 to some other guy, he's gonna turn right around and leave. 219 00:09:10,866 --> 00:09:12,400 Nod if you understand. 220 00:09:13,151 --> 00:09:14,318 Redhead at the bar. 221 00:09:14,320 --> 00:09:15,736 Challenge accepted. 222 00:09:16,788 --> 00:09:19,390 Hey, there. Get away from me! 223 00:09:19,392 --> 00:09:21,775 It's like you're trying to lose, Eddie! 224 00:09:21,777 --> 00:09:23,160 Hey, Eddie, last time I saw 225 00:09:23,162 --> 00:09:25,162 this many turnovers was at a bakery. - Oh! 226 00:09:26,214 --> 00:09:27,915 So are you doing this or what? No. 227 00:09:27,917 --> 00:09:30,050 And for the record, if I were gonna do it, 228 00:09:30,052 --> 00:09:33,137 I wouldn't just be, like, "Hey, we should get back together". 229 00:09:33,139 --> 00:09:34,305 Amateur hour. 230 00:09:34,307 --> 00:09:36,340 Here's how you do it. 231 00:09:38,460 --> 00:09:41,145 Excuse me. Okay, sorry. 232 00:09:41,930 --> 00:09:43,514 Sorry. 233 00:09:44,566 --> 00:09:45,583 Huh. 234 00:09:48,803 --> 00:09:51,439 Stop, thief! 235 00:09:54,659 --> 00:09:57,278 The blue French horn, it's so romantic! 236 00:09:57,280 --> 00:09:59,563 Oh, my God, do you know who you are?! 237 00:09:59,565 --> 00:10:01,415 You're Nicholas Sparks! 238 00:10:01,417 --> 00:10:04,485 Hey, everybody, we got a, uh, celebrity 239 00:10:04,487 --> 00:10:07,505 in the crowd over here. We got, uh, Nicholas Sparks! 240 00:10:07,507 --> 00:10:09,173 You didn't let me finish. 241 00:10:09,175 --> 00:10:11,258 Ted, listen... 242 00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:14,428 I can do without reliving that. 243 00:10:14,430 --> 00:10:16,630 Are you completely blind? 244 00:10:16,632 --> 00:10:17,431 What? 245 00:10:17,433 --> 00:10:19,183 Open your eyes, ref! 246 00:10:19,185 --> 00:10:21,852 The ball hasn't touched the ground in seven minutes! 247 00:10:21,854 --> 00:10:23,387 Hey, ref, check your voicemail! 248 00:10:23,389 --> 00:10:25,389 I think you've missed a few calls! 249 00:10:27,393 --> 00:10:30,844 Are you completely blind?! 250 00:10:30,846 --> 00:10:31,979 Wait-- me or...? 251 00:10:31,981 --> 00:10:33,531 You, Ted! 252 00:10:33,533 --> 00:10:34,899 Robin has changed her mind. 253 00:10:34,901 --> 00:10:36,734 No, Robin doesn't change her mind. 254 00:10:36,736 --> 00:10:38,152 Except that she does. 255 00:10:38,154 --> 00:10:40,988 Remember how she used to claim to hate white guy funk bands? 256 00:10:40,990 --> 00:10:43,073 And yet, at the farewell performance of my band, 257 00:10:43,075 --> 00:10:45,826 "The Funk, the Whole Funk and Nothing but the Funk," 258 00:10:45,828 --> 00:10:47,795 there's Robin rhythmically nodding her head 259 00:10:47,797 --> 00:10:50,381 and shouting out a request for "Give Up the Funk." 260 00:10:50,383 --> 00:10:53,534 I think she was nodding her head in response to my question, 261 00:10:53,536 --> 00:10:55,869 "Do you want to leave soon?" 262 00:10:55,871 --> 00:10:57,505 And she was legitimately suggesting 263 00:10:57,507 --> 00:10:59,139 that you give up the funk. 264 00:11:00,642 --> 00:11:02,709 Can we just drop this? I have moved on. 265 00:11:02,711 --> 00:11:04,261 Well, except that you haven't. 266 00:11:04,263 --> 00:11:06,764 You didn't just come up with this blue French horn thing. 267 00:11:06,766 --> 00:11:08,098 You've thought about this. 268 00:11:08,100 --> 00:11:09,400 Mr. Sparks? 269 00:11:09,402 --> 00:11:10,935 I loved The Notebook. 270 00:11:10,937 --> 00:11:13,804 Eddie, you're down by 80. 271 00:11:13,806 --> 00:11:15,856 Will you watch the ge? 272 00:11:17,659 --> 00:11:18,943 Do not come any closer! 273 00:11:18,945 --> 00:11:20,110 I swear to God I will kill you. 274 00:11:20,112 --> 00:11:22,830 It's cool. I'm not gonna come any closer. 275 00:11:22,832 --> 00:11:25,583 You're looking at the door, you're waiting for someone. 276 00:11:25,585 --> 00:11:27,868 Someone important, someone who will fill 277 00:11:27,870 --> 00:11:29,603 an empty space in your life. 278 00:11:29,605 --> 00:11:31,789 A movie star? 279 00:11:31,791 --> 00:11:33,040 Ah-huh. 280 00:11:33,042 --> 00:11:35,409 But which one? 281 00:11:35,411 --> 00:11:37,011 Clooney, 282 00:11:37,013 --> 00:11:40,431 DiCaprio, Zabka...? 283 00:11:40,433 --> 00:11:42,283 No... 284 00:11:42,285 --> 00:11:44,802 I'm gonna go with Ryan... 285 00:11:44,804 --> 00:11:47,371 Reyn... 286 00:11:47,373 --> 00:11:48,639 Phil-Phillip... 287 00:11:48,641 --> 00:11:51,342 Seacr... Gosling... 288 00:11:51,344 --> 00:11:53,110 Ryan Gosling! 289 00:11:53,112 --> 00:11:54,695 Yes, I'm waiting for Ryan Gosling, okay? 290 00:11:54,697 --> 00:11:56,864 Now, leave me alone. 291 00:12:02,287 --> 00:12:04,488 You passed my test, girl. 292 00:12:07,125 --> 00:12:09,326 - Ryan? - No. 293 00:12:09,328 --> 00:12:11,662 Just... no. 294 00:12:11,664 --> 00:12:12,963 I told her I'm a method actor. 295 00:12:12,965 --> 00:12:14,615 And I had to get plastic surgery 296 00:12:14,617 --> 00:12:16,584 for an upcoming role where I play a man 297 00:12:16,586 --> 00:12:18,452 much more handsome than myself. 298 00:12:18,454 --> 00:12:20,721 Congratulations, you win. 299 00:12:20,723 --> 00:12:22,122 Win? No, I don't want to win. 300 00:12:22,124 --> 00:12:24,508 I want to keep playing. More challenges. 301 00:12:24,510 --> 00:12:25,759 Fine, you want another challenge? 302 00:12:25,761 --> 00:12:27,895 More challenges, more challenges. 303 00:12:27,897 --> 00:12:28,979 Fine, here's your challenge. 304 00:12:28,981 --> 00:12:31,632 Go down to the pharmacy and buy some diapers. 305 00:12:31,634 --> 00:12:34,685 And, uh, get me a Samosa from the Indian place. 306 00:12:34,687 --> 00:12:36,687 Sounds like an errand. 307 00:12:36,689 --> 00:12:38,772 While picking up a girl. 308 00:12:38,774 --> 00:12:41,358 Challenge accepted! 309 00:12:41,360 --> 00:12:42,526 Come on! 310 00:12:42,528 --> 00:12:43,544 Whatever happened to the guy 311 00:12:43,546 --> 00:12:44,578 who wasn't afraid to charge 312 00:12:44,580 --> 00:12:45,996 headlong into the unknown? 313 00:12:45,998 --> 00:12:47,665 What unknown? 314 00:12:47,667 --> 00:12:48,815 Sure, eight years ago 315 00:12:48,817 --> 00:12:50,367 when I stole that blue French horn, yeah. 316 00:12:50,369 --> 00:12:51,818 That was the unknown. 317 00:12:51,820 --> 00:12:54,038 But now? I mean, how many times have we been here? 318 00:12:54,040 --> 00:12:56,123 I know exactly what's gonna happen. 319 00:12:56,125 --> 00:12:58,825 You know who else knew exactly what was gonna happen, Ted? 320 00:12:58,827 --> 00:13:01,762 The Washington Generals on January 5, 1971. 321 00:13:01,764 --> 00:13:04,214 They knew they were gonna lose, but they went in there anyway, 322 00:13:04,216 --> 00:13:05,716 and then gave it their best shot. 323 00:13:05,718 --> 00:13:07,501 And they won that game, Ted! 324 00:13:07,503 --> 00:13:09,470 For one reason and for one reason only. 325 00:13:09,472 --> 00:13:12,005 A scoring error and the fact that Curly Neal had the flu? 326 00:13:12,007 --> 00:13:14,024 Perseverance. 327 00:13:14,026 --> 00:13:16,110 It was the only win in Generals history, 328 00:13:16,112 --> 00:13:17,811 but that's all you need. 329 00:13:17,813 --> 00:13:19,196 Just one win. 330 00:13:20,199 --> 00:13:23,534 I'm gonna go grab us some beers. 331 00:13:25,538 --> 00:13:28,355 Hi, I don't know who this is or what you're trying to sell, 332 00:13:28,357 --> 00:13:31,024 but you are disturbing me during the Globetrotters. 333 00:13:31,026 --> 00:13:34,995 Hello, Ted, it's Hammond Druthers. 334 00:13:38,233 --> 00:13:40,467 Target acquired. 335 00:13:49,742 --> 00:13:52,159 I'm recruiting volunteers 336 00:13:52,160 --> 00:13:53,910 for the starving puppy orphanage where I work. 337 00:13:53,912 --> 00:13:55,244 For free. 338 00:13:55,246 --> 00:13:59,015 So, if you wouldn't mind just writing your number down 339 00:13:59,017 --> 00:14:01,801 on this signup sheet...? 340 00:14:01,803 --> 00:14:05,355 Listen, I appreciate that you feel 341 00:14:05,357 --> 00:14:06,756 like you need my number. 342 00:14:06,758 --> 00:14:07,924 Um. 343 00:14:07,926 --> 00:14:10,110 Maybe it's because you're really sad 344 00:14:10,112 --> 00:14:11,811 about something and this is your way 345 00:14:11,813 --> 00:14:13,480 of feeling better about yourself. 346 00:14:13,482 --> 00:14:14,764 But... 347 00:14:14,766 --> 00:14:17,384 since I have a boyfriend, and I'm pretty sure 348 00:14:17,386 --> 00:14:20,153 I heard you call me a target earlier over there, 349 00:14:20,155 --> 00:14:21,621 Wha...? I'm gonna go ahead 350 00:14:21,623 --> 00:14:22,822 and not give you my number. 351 00:14:22,824 --> 00:14:25,091 I'm gonna give you something even better. 352 00:14:25,093 --> 00:14:26,776 Wow, right to the chase. 353 00:14:26,778 --> 00:14:28,128 Meet you in aisle six. 354 00:14:28,130 --> 00:14:30,997 I'm gonna give you this. Okay. 355 00:14:30,999 --> 00:14:32,749 It's gonna be okay. 356 00:14:33,801 --> 00:14:35,001 You're a good guy. 357 00:14:35,003 --> 00:14:37,286 You will get through this. 358 00:14:40,457 --> 00:14:41,841 Uh, okay. 359 00:14:41,843 --> 00:14:43,626 Weirdo alert. 360 00:14:47,465 --> 00:14:49,632 Have you met...? 361 00:14:51,086 --> 00:14:52,519 Excuse me. 362 00:14:55,773 --> 00:14:57,607 What do you mean "sad"? 363 00:14:57,609 --> 00:14:59,075 Ted? 364 00:14:59,077 --> 00:15:00,944 I'm calling you from Chicago, Illinois 365 00:15:00,946 --> 00:15:02,529 where I'm a key player 366 00:15:02,531 --> 00:15:05,031 in a very successful architectural firm. 367 00:15:05,033 --> 00:15:06,315 Oh, yeah, I read about that. 368 00:15:06,317 --> 00:15:07,650 All right, about what you read... 369 00:15:07,652 --> 00:15:09,619 You built that big concave glass tower. 370 00:15:09,621 --> 00:15:11,788 And it melted a few buildings across the street. 371 00:15:11,790 --> 00:15:13,873 Yes, fine, but come on. 372 00:15:13,875 --> 00:15:16,259 What architect has made a major design flaw 373 00:15:16,261 --> 00:15:18,345 that raised the temperature of the city aquarium 374 00:15:18,347 --> 00:15:19,379 to 190 degrees 375 00:15:19,381 --> 00:15:21,664 and killed thousands of very rare fish? 376 00:15:21,666 --> 00:15:24,667 That's the past, Ted. I'm looking forward. 377 00:15:24,669 --> 00:15:26,770 I want you on my team. 378 00:15:26,772 --> 00:15:28,805 And I won't take no for an answer. 379 00:15:28,807 --> 00:15:31,674 No. I don't think you heard me, Ted. 380 00:15:31,676 --> 00:15:33,943 No. Come on, Ted! 381 00:15:33,945 --> 00:15:35,228 Please? 382 00:15:35,230 --> 00:15:37,564 They're gonna give me a parking spot if you say yes. 383 00:15:37,566 --> 00:15:39,816 Do I get a parking spot? Well, we can go tandem. 384 00:15:39,818 --> 00:15:41,350 No. Every other week then? 385 00:15:41,352 --> 00:15:41,902 No. 386 00:15:41,927 --> 00:15:43,927 You know, Chicago's more of a walking town. 387 00:15:44,072 --> 00:15:45,705 No. All right! 388 00:15:45,707 --> 00:15:47,707 You can have the parking spot. 389 00:15:47,709 --> 00:15:48,792 So, that's a yes? 390 00:15:48,794 --> 00:15:50,960 Mm, no. Look, Ted. 391 00:15:50,962 --> 00:15:54,414 I can make your life very difficult. 392 00:15:54,416 --> 00:15:57,167 How? How?! 393 00:15:58,302 --> 00:16:01,337 I will call you a lot. 394 00:16:01,339 --> 00:16:03,390 I will Tweet at you like crazy. 395 00:16:03,392 --> 00:16:06,893 I will live on your Facebook wall! 396 00:16:06,895 --> 00:16:07,927 We're not Facebook friends. 397 00:16:07,929 --> 00:16:09,312 Yeah, what's going on with that? 398 00:16:09,314 --> 00:16:12,065 It's been pending, like, for eight months now. 399 00:16:12,067 --> 00:16:14,818 Look, Ted, you're a... 400 00:16:14,820 --> 00:16:17,520 a very hot commodity. 401 00:16:17,522 --> 00:16:21,191 Everybody loves the GNB Tower. 402 00:16:21,193 --> 00:16:23,109 And how it hasn't blinded any pilots 403 00:16:23,111 --> 00:16:25,228 on final approach into O'Hare. 404 00:16:26,114 --> 00:16:27,697 And I-I may have told 405 00:16:27,699 --> 00:16:29,365 the partners here that you and I are 406 00:16:29,367 --> 00:16:30,583 very, very good friends. 407 00:16:30,585 --> 00:16:33,169 So, please, just say that you'll think about it. 408 00:16:33,171 --> 00:16:34,370 Fine. 409 00:16:34,372 --> 00:16:36,256 I'll think about it. 410 00:16:36,258 --> 00:16:38,541 Druthers shoots, he scores! 411 00:16:38,543 --> 00:16:42,411 Sad? Lady, I got 14 girls' numbers in the last hour. 412 00:16:42,413 --> 00:16:44,597 And this was an off night. 413 00:16:44,599 --> 00:16:46,883 What can I possibly be sad about? 414 00:16:46,885 --> 00:16:49,602 I think you were in love and you messed it up. 415 00:16:51,088 --> 00:16:52,605 And every moment of your life since then 416 00:16:52,607 --> 00:16:55,759 has been spent trying to stay busy enough to ignore that fact. 417 00:16:55,761 --> 00:16:58,728 And that's how Barney met your mother. 418 00:17:01,565 --> 00:17:03,566 Well, the Generals lost. 419 00:17:03,568 --> 00:17:04,984 What a nail biter-- the whole fourth quarter 420 00:17:04,986 --> 00:17:06,453 my heart was in my throat. 421 00:17:06,455 --> 00:17:07,620 What was the final? 422 00:17:07,622 --> 00:17:08,822 216 to 12. 423 00:17:08,824 --> 00:17:10,544 Nobody talk to me right now, I can't even... 424 00:17:12,743 --> 00:17:14,244 The strangest thing happened at the game. 425 00:17:14,246 --> 00:17:16,212 I got a phone call from an unknown number. 426 00:17:16,214 --> 00:17:17,997 And when I answered I... 427 00:17:18,799 --> 00:17:19,833 You're eating olives. 428 00:17:19,835 --> 00:17:21,301 Yup. 429 00:17:21,303 --> 00:17:22,302 Do you want these? 430 00:17:22,304 --> 00:17:23,786 I hate olives. 431 00:17:23,788 --> 00:17:25,421 I... thought you hate olives. 432 00:17:25,423 --> 00:17:28,057 I guess I changed my mind. 433 00:17:30,262 --> 00:17:31,394 Ah! 434 00:17:31,396 --> 00:17:32,896 Hello, partner! 435 00:17:32,898 --> 00:17:35,815 Boy, that just sounds right, doesn't it? 436 00:17:35,817 --> 00:17:38,234 Yeah, actually, Mr. Druthers. 437 00:17:38,236 --> 00:17:39,969 My answer is no. 438 00:17:39,971 --> 00:17:42,822 What? No, Ted, come on! 439 00:17:42,824 --> 00:17:46,576 I'm sorry, I still have things to do here in New York. 440 00:17:46,578 --> 00:17:48,644 I am going to build a tower of glass 441 00:17:48,646 --> 00:17:50,914 and melt you with it! 442 00:17:50,916 --> 00:17:53,649 No, you won't. No, I won't, but know this. 443 00:17:53,651 --> 00:17:55,168 After today 444 00:17:55,170 --> 00:17:56,753 this offer 445 00:17:56,755 --> 00:17:58,037 is gone forever. 446 00:17:58,039 --> 00:18:00,957 When I hang up this phone, you and I are done. 447 00:18:00,959 --> 00:18:03,826 The door is closed! Okay. 448 00:18:03,828 --> 00:18:04,961 The door's always open, Ted. 449 00:18:04,963 --> 00:18:06,495 If you change your mind, just call me back, okay? 450 00:18:06,497 --> 00:18:08,548 Bye. 451 00:18:08,550 --> 00:18:11,834 I think he's coming around. 452 00:18:11,836 --> 00:18:13,436 We tried dating a while back 453 00:18:13,438 --> 00:18:15,538 and it was a disaster. 454 00:18:15,540 --> 00:18:17,974 But I-I always regret giving up. 455 00:18:17,976 --> 00:18:20,226 It just ended so quickly. 456 00:18:21,313 --> 00:18:23,580 What about you? 457 00:18:23,582 --> 00:18:25,949 You and your boyfriend gonna go the distance? 458 00:18:25,951 --> 00:18:27,516 I don't know. 459 00:18:27,518 --> 00:18:30,703 I think maybe I still haven't met the right guy. 460 00:18:30,705 --> 00:18:32,855 Hmm. 461 00:18:32,857 --> 00:18:35,325 I wonder if I know someone to set you up with. 462 00:18:38,529 --> 00:18:41,331 Drawing a blank. 463 00:18:41,333 --> 00:18:43,032 Are you gonna go get this girl? 464 00:18:43,034 --> 00:18:44,083 Or what? 465 00:18:44,085 --> 00:18:45,368 I don't know. 466 00:18:45,370 --> 00:18:47,337 I'm kind of at my peak right now. 467 00:18:47,339 --> 00:18:50,206 I don't know if I can just walk away from the game. 468 00:18:50,208 --> 00:18:54,060 Do you want to keep playing or do you want to win? 469 00:18:56,146 --> 00:18:58,881 I want to win. 470 00:18:59,716 --> 00:19:01,884 What am I doing? 471 00:19:01,886 --> 00:19:04,020 In less than 20 minutes, Robin and I could be... 472 00:19:04,022 --> 00:19:05,238 Oh, no, no, no, no, no. 473 00:19:05,240 --> 00:19:06,773 It's gonna take a lot more than 20 minutes. 474 00:19:06,775 --> 00:19:09,892 This is gonna take everything you have got. 475 00:19:09,894 --> 00:19:12,445 This is gonna take all of your time, all of your attention. 476 00:19:12,447 --> 00:19:14,063 All of your resources. 477 00:19:14,065 --> 00:19:16,916 This is the big one. 478 00:19:16,918 --> 00:19:19,402 Diaper man. 479 00:19:19,404 --> 00:19:21,070 You got to do it right. 480 00:19:21,072 --> 00:19:22,255 Can't be messing around, 481 00:19:22,257 --> 00:19:24,173 picking up girls in drug stores. 482 00:19:24,175 --> 00:19:25,758 ♪ It's only time 483 00:19:25,760 --> 00:19:26,960 You got work to do. 484 00:19:26,962 --> 00:19:29,596 ♪ It's only time ♪ 485 00:19:29,598 --> 00:19:33,182 ♪ It's only time 486 00:19:33,184 --> 00:19:37,637 ♪ What could stop... 487 00:19:37,639 --> 00:19:39,939 We're not platonic. 488 00:19:39,941 --> 00:19:41,391 Platon-ish, maybe. 489 00:19:41,393 --> 00:19:42,442 If that's even a word. 490 00:19:42,444 --> 00:19:44,060 But not platonic. 491 00:19:44,062 --> 00:19:46,362 ♪ It's only time... 492 00:19:46,364 --> 00:19:48,481 I mean, there's something between us. 493 00:19:48,483 --> 00:19:51,401 And there always will be. 494 00:19:53,270 --> 00:19:55,788 ♪ If rain won't... 495 00:19:55,790 --> 00:19:57,874 If this was eight years ago, 496 00:19:57,876 --> 00:19:59,542 I'd be jumping into a cab right now 497 00:19:59,544 --> 00:20:01,411 to go steal that blue French horn. 498 00:20:01,413 --> 00:20:02,745 Well, why don't you? 499 00:20:02,747 --> 00:20:04,013 I don't know. 500 00:20:04,015 --> 00:20:06,916 Just doesn't seem to work that way anymore. 501 00:20:06,918 --> 00:20:10,169 I used to be in such a hurry all the time, you know? 502 00:20:10,171 --> 00:20:11,671 Everything was so urgent. 503 00:20:11,673 --> 00:20:14,924 Now, I just, I don't know, I figure... 504 00:20:14,926 --> 00:20:17,343 it's gonna happen, it'll happen when it happens. 505 00:20:17,345 --> 00:20:20,847 I'm not going anywhere, she's not going anywhere. 506 00:20:20,849 --> 00:20:21,964 What's the rush, right? 507 00:20:21,966 --> 00:20:24,017 ♪ And swim your sea ♪ 508 00:20:24,019 --> 00:20:26,686 ♪ And swim 509 00:20:26,688 --> 00:20:29,856 ♪ Your sea 510 00:20:32,109 --> 00:20:34,643 ♪ Marry me 511 00:20:34,645 --> 00:20:36,829 I have no idea who that girl was. 512 00:20:36,831 --> 00:20:39,165 But she set me straight. 513 00:20:39,167 --> 00:20:43,152 After that, I had one challenge and one challenge only. 514 00:20:43,154 --> 00:20:45,088 Get Robin Scherbatsky 515 00:20:45,090 --> 00:20:47,540 to fall in love with me. 516 00:20:48,882 --> 00:20:52,684 Challenge completed. 517 00:20:52,686 --> 00:20:56,221 ♪ Why would I stop loving you a hundred years from now? ♪ 518 00:20:56,223 --> 00:21:01,223 == sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man 36927

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