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1
00:00:26,960 --> 00:00:28,570
You should go and talk to someone.
2
00:00:31,360 --> 00:00:32,530
Are you sleeping?
3
00:00:35,887 --> 00:00:37,997
There's like, uh, like a service.
4
00:00:39,320 --> 00:00:40,320
It's free.
5
00:00:40,706 --> 00:00:41,706
You might as well.
6
00:00:48,313 --> 00:00:49,403
Connell?
7
00:00:51,260 --> 00:00:52,610
Would you like to come with me?
8
00:00:58,240 --> 00:01:02,590
Ten, nine, eight, seven, six,
9
00:01:02,760 --> 00:01:06,440
five, four, three, two, one.
10
00:01:06,560 --> 00:01:09,120
Happy New Year!
11
00:01:27,160 --> 00:01:29,050
- Happy New Year!
- Happy New Year.
12
00:01:31,193 --> 00:01:32,553
Happy New Year, you.
13
00:01:43,480 --> 00:01:44,650
Who is it?
14
00:01:45,385 --> 00:01:47,115
It's just an old school friend.
15
00:01:50,480 --> 00:01:51,620
You okay?
16
00:01:55,060 --> 00:01:58,130
Yeah. It's just a Happy New Year thing.
17
00:01:58,507 --> 00:02:00,157
Happy New Year!
18
00:02:05,293 --> 00:02:06,593
What do you mean?
19
00:02:07,040 --> 00:02:08,370
Are you on your own?
20
00:02:09,080 --> 00:02:11,750
No, I'm with Helen.
What do you mean, a body?
21
00:02:12,640 --> 00:02:13,730
Whose body, what?
22
00:02:13,784 --> 00:02:15,614
Rob Hegarty, sweetheart.
23
00:02:15,879 --> 00:02:18,549
They pulled a body
out of the river this morning.
24
00:02:35,440 --> 00:02:36,560
Okay,
25
00:02:37,392 --> 00:02:39,192
why don't we talk
about how you're feeling.
26
00:02:44,339 --> 00:02:45,579
Yeah, not great.
27
00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:50,250
I'm sorry to hear that.
28
00:02:53,546 --> 00:02:55,146
When did you start feeling this way?
29
00:02:58,480 --> 00:02:59,930
A couple of months ago.
30
00:03:01,080 --> 00:03:02,320
January, I suppose.
31
00:03:02,966 --> 00:03:04,146
Okay.
32
00:03:06,880 --> 00:03:08,750
Did something happen then, or did it just
33
00:03:08,799 --> 00:03:10,389
come out of nowhere, do you feel?
34
00:03:12,346 --> 00:03:14,506
A friend of mine killed himself
in January.
35
00:03:17,287 --> 00:03:18,527
A friend from school.
36
00:03:21,980 --> 00:03:23,660
I'm very sorry to hear that, Connell.
37
00:03:24,506 --> 00:03:27,236
We, we hadn't really kept up
with each other after college.
38
00:03:27,291 --> 00:03:28,381
'Cause he was...
39
00:03:29,653 --> 00:03:32,663
He was just back in Sligo and I was
up here and everything, and...
40
00:03:36,146 --> 00:03:39,086
I guess I just feel guilty that I
wasn't in touch with him more.
41
00:03:40,439 --> 00:03:41,759
I can understand that.
42
00:03:42,626 --> 00:03:44,616
But however you might be
feeling about your friend,
43
00:03:44,666 --> 00:03:46,626
what happened to him is not your fault.
44
00:03:48,566 --> 00:03:51,486
You are not responsible
for the decisions he made.
45
00:03:52,139 --> 00:03:54,769
I never even replied to
the last message he sent me.
46
00:03:58,146 --> 00:03:59,926
When you lose someone to suicide,
47
00:04:00,580 --> 00:04:03,190
it can be natural to wonder if
there's any more you could have done
48
00:04:03,240 --> 00:04:04,720
in order to help this person.
49
00:04:06,953 --> 00:04:08,963
I'm sure everyone in your friend's life
50
00:04:09,008 --> 00:04:11,158
is asking themselves
the same questions now.
51
00:04:11,206 --> 00:04:13,246
Yeah, but at least other people
tried to help him.
52
00:04:22,193 --> 00:04:23,833
He'd been drinking a fair bit.
53
00:04:24,819 --> 00:04:26,249
He seemed a bit...
54
00:04:27,087 --> 00:04:28,967
you know, out of sorts, I guess.
55
00:04:29,839 --> 00:04:30,959
Right.
56
00:04:31,953 --> 00:04:33,663
Never wanted to go home, you know?
57
00:04:34,819 --> 00:04:36,259
He always wanted one more.
58
00:04:38,219 --> 00:04:40,289
Got into a few scraps.
59
00:04:40,927 --> 00:04:42,487
Nothing serious, just...
60
00:04:43,571 --> 00:04:44,971
thought it was a laugh.
61
00:04:45,600 --> 00:04:47,200
I tried talking to him, but...
62
00:05:09,899 --> 00:05:11,149
You look handsome.
63
00:05:36,133 --> 00:05:37,313
Ready, sweetheart?
64
00:05:53,766 --> 00:05:54,846
Marianne.
65
00:06:33,906 --> 00:06:35,116
Thank you.
66
00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:41,100
- I'm so sorry.
- Thanks for the colours.
67
00:06:41,153 --> 00:06:42,393
You look great.
68
00:06:43,587 --> 00:06:44,717
Thank you.
69
00:06:45,013 --> 00:06:46,373
I'm so sorry.
70
00:06:47,286 --> 00:06:49,226
Thanks, love.
Thanks for coming.
71
00:06:55,393 --> 00:06:56,413
Connell.
72
00:06:57,273 --> 00:06:59,013
Good man, good man.
73
00:07:00,039 --> 00:07:01,999
I hear you're doing great
things above in Trinity.
74
00:07:03,153 --> 00:07:05,003
- So sorry.
- Good man.
75
00:07:06,926 --> 00:07:08,086
Thanks for coming.
76
00:07:11,180 --> 00:07:12,320
Thank you.
77
00:07:42,199 --> 00:07:43,279
How are things?
78
00:07:44,980 --> 00:07:46,150
Who's this?
79
00:07:47,586 --> 00:07:48,586
Helen.
80
00:07:48,862 --> 00:07:50,012
This is Eric.
81
00:07:51,240 --> 00:07:52,750
- Girlfriend, is it?
- Yeah.
82
00:07:54,486 --> 00:07:56,296
Must be your fault this fella
never comes home anymore.
83
00:07:56,346 --> 00:07:57,906
No, it's not her fault.
It's my fault.
84
00:08:00,166 --> 00:08:01,406
I'm just messing.
85
00:08:08,320 --> 00:08:09,850
Good of Marianne to come.
86
00:08:10,227 --> 00:08:11,827
I thought she was off
in Sweden or someplace.
87
00:08:11,880 --> 00:08:14,040
Yeah, she was.
She's back for the funeral.
88
00:08:15,006 --> 00:08:16,246
She's gone very thin,
89
00:08:16,781 --> 00:08:17,781
hasn't she?
90
00:08:19,360 --> 00:08:20,570
Here's herself.
91
00:08:21,426 --> 00:08:23,666
Very good to have come all
the way from Sweden, Marianne.
92
00:08:23,807 --> 00:08:25,157
It's nice to see you.
93
00:08:30,546 --> 00:08:32,306
Do you know Helen here?
94
00:08:33,759 --> 00:08:35,969
Course I do.
We were in college together.
95
00:08:37,393 --> 00:08:38,433
Hello, Helen.
96
00:08:39,779 --> 00:08:41,329
It's all friendly, I hope.
97
00:08:42,606 --> 00:08:43,986
No rivalry, I mean.
98
00:08:44,393 --> 00:08:45,773
Behave yourself now.
99
00:08:57,933 --> 00:09:00,113
Why didn't you introduce me
to any of your friends?
100
00:09:03,120 --> 00:09:04,920
I introduced you to Eric, didn't I?
101
00:09:05,213 --> 00:09:06,653
Only after he asked.
102
00:09:07,393 --> 00:09:10,073
To be honest, you didn't seem like
you really wanted him to meet me.
103
00:09:16,033 --> 00:09:18,473
If you didn't want me to come,
you shouldn't have asked me.
104
00:09:20,667 --> 00:09:22,587
Okay, I'm sorry I asked you, then.
105
00:09:24,039 --> 00:09:25,249
What does that mean?
106
00:09:26,393 --> 00:09:28,123
- You're sorry I was there?
- No.
107
00:09:28,353 --> 00:09:29,873
I'm saying if you got the wrong impression
108
00:09:29,920 --> 00:09:32,040
of what it was gonna be like,
then I'm sorry.
109
00:09:34,349 --> 00:09:36,469
You didn't want me there at all, did you?
110
00:09:36,520 --> 00:09:38,760
I didn't want to be there
myself, to be honest.
111
00:09:40,526 --> 00:09:41,986
Look, I'm sorry
you didn't have a good time.
112
00:09:42,041 --> 00:09:43,251
But like, it was a funeral.
113
00:09:43,447 --> 00:09:45,167
Don't really know what you expected.
114
00:09:52,686 --> 00:09:54,326
Well, you weren't ignoring Marianne.
115
00:09:55,128 --> 00:09:56,688
I wasn't ignoring anyone.
116
00:09:56,946 --> 00:09:58,876
But you just seemed
particularly happy to see her.
117
00:09:58,931 --> 00:10:00,991
- For fuck's sake, Helen.
- What?
118
00:10:01,040 --> 00:10:03,240
I mean, does every argument
have to come back to this?
119
00:10:05,353 --> 00:10:07,753
Our friend just killed himself,
and now, you want to start
120
00:10:07,800 --> 00:10:09,840
going at me about Marianne.
Like, seriously?
121
00:10:12,520 --> 00:10:13,680
And yeah.
122
00:10:14,679 --> 00:10:16,979
I was happy to see her.
Does that make me a monster?
123
00:10:19,553 --> 00:10:22,163
I've been very sympathetic
about Rob and you know that.
124
00:10:22,473 --> 00:10:24,923
But what do you expect me to do?
Just pretend I don't notice
125
00:10:24,978 --> 00:10:26,558
you're staring at another woman
in front of me.
126
00:10:26,612 --> 00:10:29,472
- No, I was not staring at her.
- You were, in the church.
127
00:10:29,520 --> 00:10:31,000
It wasn't intentional.
128
00:10:36,700 --> 00:10:38,580
Why do you have to act
so weird around her?
129
00:10:40,013 --> 00:10:42,243
How I act with her
is my normal personality.
130
00:10:43,453 --> 00:10:44,553
I'm...
131
00:10:44,927 --> 00:10:46,607
maybe I'm just a weird person.
132
00:11:15,820 --> 00:11:17,430
Most of you will, I hope,
133
00:11:17,480 --> 00:11:19,270
have picked up on the fact that...
134
00:11:30,440 --> 00:11:33,650
This dismantling of the family
trope is fairly radical.
135
00:11:34,113 --> 00:11:37,353
The constitution itself quite
literally defined the Irish...
136
00:12:21,679 --> 00:12:23,519
Like I want to be there for you
137
00:12:23,570 --> 00:12:26,130
but you just won't let me.
138
00:12:28,840 --> 00:12:30,010
I have tried.
139
00:12:31,600 --> 00:12:34,720
And I feel like I'm holding on
to other, like,
140
00:12:35,360 --> 00:12:37,240
frankly legitimate worries
141
00:12:38,321 --> 00:12:39,431
or whatever
142
00:12:39,873 --> 00:12:41,673
that existed before all this.
143
00:12:43,100 --> 00:12:45,250
Before you felt like this.
144
00:12:46,886 --> 00:12:48,996
And I can't sit on them
'cause you're feeling so low.
145
00:12:49,053 --> 00:12:50,413
That's just not fair.
146
00:12:52,880 --> 00:12:54,320
I really care about you.
147
00:12:55,600 --> 00:12:57,240
I hate seeing you like this.
148
00:12:59,160 --> 00:13:01,280
But I don't think this is working anymore.
149
00:13:03,573 --> 00:13:07,253
I don't know if this was all the
way working before, and now...
150
00:13:08,879 --> 00:13:11,719
all this is just like...
151
00:13:13,559 --> 00:13:15,259
exacerbated it, and...
152
00:13:17,199 --> 00:13:18,329
Okay.
153
00:13:22,873 --> 00:13:23,873
I'm sorry.
154
00:13:28,572 --> 00:13:29,752
I'm sorry too.
155
00:13:39,560 --> 00:13:41,240
Do you have friends here in Dublin?
156
00:13:43,099 --> 00:13:44,359
Anyone you're close with
157
00:13:44,406 --> 00:13:46,486
that you might talk to
about how you're feeling.
158
00:13:53,966 --> 00:13:55,656
Niall, maybe.
159
00:13:55,886 --> 00:13:57,806
He's the one who told me about this.
160
00:13:59,373 --> 00:14:00,493
Well, that's good.
161
00:14:01,920 --> 00:14:03,390
He's looking out for you.
162
00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:06,110
Niall.
163
00:14:07,253 --> 00:14:08,363
Okay.
164
00:14:10,440 --> 00:14:13,130
I have another friend that
I'm pretty close with but...
165
00:14:14,460 --> 00:14:15,890
she's on Erasmus this year.
166
00:14:20,820 --> 00:14:21,820
I'm sorry.
167
00:14:22,244 --> 00:14:23,434
That sounds awful.
168
00:14:24,400 --> 00:14:25,550
I liked Helen.
169
00:14:27,140 --> 00:14:29,610
I did.
I genuinely did.
170
00:14:30,919 --> 00:14:33,679
I know she wasn't entirely
fond of me, but...
171
00:14:34,759 --> 00:14:36,719
it's hard to ignore
that she made you happy.
172
00:14:37,233 --> 00:14:38,513
I, I don't know.
173
00:14:39,800 --> 00:14:40,960
I don't feel anything.
174
00:14:43,126 --> 00:14:44,186
Then I...
175
00:14:45,626 --> 00:14:48,786
I find myself crying
or having a panic attack
176
00:14:48,840 --> 00:14:51,130
so presumably, I do feel it.
Just...
177
00:14:53,133 --> 00:14:54,533
It just doesn't connect.
178
00:14:58,467 --> 00:14:59,667
I understand.
179
00:15:02,546 --> 00:15:03,626
I know you do.
180
00:15:07,927 --> 00:15:09,147
I'm really tired.
181
00:15:11,440 --> 00:15:12,590
You want to sleep?
182
00:15:14,546 --> 00:15:15,986
We can keep Skype on.
183
00:15:19,080 --> 00:15:20,600
Carry me over to your bed.
184
00:16:13,800 --> 00:16:15,230
Is she a friend from college?
185
00:16:16,160 --> 00:16:17,530
We were in school together.
186
00:16:18,113 --> 00:16:19,133
But,
187
00:16:19,313 --> 00:16:21,553
she's in Trinity as well. It's Marianne.
188
00:16:24,320 --> 00:16:26,430
She knew Rob, our friend who died.
189
00:16:27,307 --> 00:16:28,387
But...
190
00:16:29,493 --> 00:16:31,433
she's away this year, like I said.
191
00:16:58,006 --> 00:16:59,146
You're awake.
192
00:17:02,193 --> 00:17:03,193
Morning.
193
00:17:16,453 --> 00:17:18,973
Is she someone you might talk
with about how you're feeling?
194
00:17:20,166 --> 00:17:21,786
She's been supportive about it.
195
00:17:23,652 --> 00:17:24,752
And she's...
196
00:17:28,726 --> 00:17:30,686
She's hard to describe,
if you don't know her.
197
00:17:30,800 --> 00:17:31,880
She's...
198
00:17:33,726 --> 00:17:34,966
she's really smart.
199
00:17:36,819 --> 00:17:38,139
She's a lot smarter than me.
200
00:17:41,153 --> 00:17:44,433
We, we see the world
in a similar way. And...
201
00:17:46,773 --> 00:17:48,733
we've lived our life in the same place.
202
00:17:48,940 --> 00:17:50,220
So obviously, it's...
203
00:17:53,393 --> 00:17:55,033
It's a bit different being away from her.
204
00:17:58,439 --> 00:17:59,969
It sounds difficult.
205
00:18:03,305 --> 00:18:06,405
I don't really click with a lot of people.
206
00:18:06,986 --> 00:18:08,906
I, I struggle with that, actually.
207
00:18:12,960 --> 00:18:14,600
Do you think that's a new problem?
208
00:18:15,193 --> 00:18:18,493
Or is it familiar to you?
209
00:18:22,513 --> 00:18:24,513
It's, uh, familiar.
210
00:18:25,486 --> 00:18:26,666
I would say...
211
00:18:29,646 --> 00:18:31,506
in school, I definitely felt that
212
00:18:32,733 --> 00:18:34,973
feeling of isolation
or whatever. But...
213
00:18:39,273 --> 00:18:40,813
People seem to like me.
214
00:18:41,527 --> 00:18:42,747
Everything, and...
215
00:18:45,326 --> 00:18:47,636
here, I don't think that...
216
00:18:51,680 --> 00:18:53,650
people like me that much.
217
00:18:58,358 --> 00:19:00,468
Like Rob, my friend who...
218
00:19:03,940 --> 00:19:06,110
I wouldn't say that we clicked on a very
219
00:19:07,240 --> 00:19:09,540
deep level or anything.
But,
220
00:19:11,159 --> 00:19:12,329
we were friends.
221
00:19:13,500 --> 00:19:14,630
And...
222
00:19:16,180 --> 00:19:17,600
I wouldn't say that we had a lot in common
223
00:19:17,653 --> 00:19:19,753
in terms of interests
or anything like that.
224
00:19:21,240 --> 00:19:23,210
Definitely not politically, if we ever
225
00:19:23,967 --> 00:19:25,727
really examined that. But...
226
00:19:30,499 --> 00:19:32,539
That stuff didn't really matter in school.
227
00:19:34,186 --> 00:19:36,146
'Cause we were, we were in the same
228
00:19:36,220 --> 00:19:37,760
group of friends, so, you know?
229
00:19:38,600 --> 00:19:39,840
I understand that.
230
00:19:41,986 --> 00:19:43,066
And,
231
00:19:43,433 --> 00:19:44,473
he...
232
00:19:44,746 --> 00:19:46,246
he did some stuff that I...
233
00:19:47,406 --> 00:19:50,286
I wouldn't have been a fan of,
in terms of, like with girls.
234
00:19:50,360 --> 00:19:51,400
But...
235
00:19:56,220 --> 00:19:58,400
We were 18, you know.
We just...
236
00:20:00,480 --> 00:20:02,560
we acted like idiots, and...
237
00:20:05,880 --> 00:20:06,970
I think...
238
00:20:07,845 --> 00:20:09,265
I felt a bit alienated
239
00:20:10,003 --> 00:20:11,153
with that stuff.
240
00:20:13,026 --> 00:20:14,186
And...
241
00:20:17,999 --> 00:20:18,999
I think--
242
00:20:19,537 --> 00:20:21,047
I think I thought if I...
243
00:20:22,333 --> 00:20:23,533
moved here...
244
00:20:25,280 --> 00:20:26,480
I'd fit in better.
245
00:20:27,953 --> 00:20:29,173
I thought...
246
00:20:32,300 --> 00:20:35,560
I'd meet more like-minded people
but that just hasn't...
247
00:20:49,686 --> 00:20:54,426
I left Carricklea thinking
I could have a different life.
248
00:20:59,233 --> 00:21:00,333
But I...
249
00:21:01,340 --> 00:21:03,330
I hate it here and...
250
00:21:05,533 --> 00:21:06,893
I can never go back.
251
00:21:09,800 --> 00:21:12,160
Because those friendships are gone, and...
252
00:21:16,813 --> 00:21:20,393
and Rob is gone and I,
I can't see him again.
253
00:21:24,400 --> 00:21:25,990
I can't get that life back.
254
00:21:27,326 --> 00:21:28,346
I'm sorry.
255
00:21:29,960 --> 00:21:31,920
You don't need to apologize.
256
00:22:32,653 --> 00:22:33,813
She sounds nice.
257
00:22:35,480 --> 00:22:36,480
Yeah.
258
00:22:36,591 --> 00:22:37,691
Sounds good.
259
00:22:39,059 --> 00:22:40,169
Yeah.
260
00:22:41,173 --> 00:22:42,423
Well done, Niall.
261
00:22:46,720 --> 00:22:47,960
How do you feel now?
262
00:22:51,273 --> 00:22:52,323
Okay.
263
00:22:52,366 --> 00:22:53,466
Just...
264
00:22:55,727 --> 00:22:56,727
Flat,
265
00:22:57,035 --> 00:22:58,095
I guess.
266
00:23:00,973 --> 00:23:01,973
What?
267
00:23:05,893 --> 00:23:07,073
Do you ever feel...
268
00:23:08,526 --> 00:23:09,646
I don't know.
269
00:23:10,580 --> 00:23:11,730
Angry?
270
00:23:14,166 --> 00:23:15,236
About?
271
00:23:15,693 --> 00:23:16,793
About Rob.
272
00:23:17,893 --> 00:23:20,803
After the funeral, did you feel angry?
273
00:23:22,073 --> 00:23:23,213
With him?
274
00:23:23,655 --> 00:23:24,655
No.
275
00:23:24,953 --> 00:23:26,383
No, geez, no.
276
00:23:27,033 --> 00:23:30,503
I know that's... that
people feel that when someone...
277
00:23:33,913 --> 00:23:35,393
I couldn't get off Facebook.
278
00:23:38,140 --> 00:23:40,170
Everyone kept commenting on his wall.
279
00:23:40,746 --> 00:23:42,866
- Yeah.
- Like, it made me furious.
280
00:23:43,646 --> 00:23:45,866
Like, what do they mean?
281
00:23:45,973 --> 00:23:48,773
All these people,
like advertising their loss like that.
282
00:23:49,760 --> 00:23:52,540
And who's it for?
Not Rob, obviously.
283
00:23:53,779 --> 00:23:55,429
And, like, what's the etiquette there?
284
00:23:55,480 --> 00:23:57,690
Should I be liking every comment
on his wall?
285
00:23:58,060 --> 00:24:00,550
Well, it sounds like you've
worked through that anger.
286
00:24:02,173 --> 00:24:03,243
No.
287
00:24:04,193 --> 00:24:05,453
Of course, people
288
00:24:06,040 --> 00:24:07,660
can grieve how they want.
289
00:24:09,899 --> 00:24:10,899
Sorry.
290
00:24:11,264 --> 00:24:12,474
I get it.
291
00:24:13,680 --> 00:24:15,040
It feels a bit pointless.
292
00:24:16,080 --> 00:24:17,320
Yeah, I think that's it.
293
00:24:19,733 --> 00:24:20,733
And everyone
294
00:24:20,943 --> 00:24:22,413
kept talking about...
295
00:24:24,060 --> 00:24:25,790
what a great person he was.
296
00:24:26,026 --> 00:24:27,336
How full of life,
297
00:24:27,554 --> 00:24:29,194
what a devoted son, and
298
00:24:29,768 --> 00:24:30,768
I get it.
299
00:24:32,380 --> 00:24:33,770
But what, was that him?
300
00:24:37,227 --> 00:24:38,227
No.
301
00:24:40,707 --> 00:24:42,057
He was insecure.
302
00:24:44,058 --> 00:24:45,668
Obsessed with being liked.
303
00:24:46,367 --> 00:24:47,467
I mean,
304
00:24:48,282 --> 00:24:50,462
I know I can talk. But...
305
00:24:57,373 --> 00:24:58,533
I miss you.
306
00:25:02,053 --> 00:25:03,823
I miss you, too, Connell.
19367
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