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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:26,960 --> 00:00:28,570 You should go and talk to someone. 2 00:00:31,360 --> 00:00:32,530 Are you sleeping? 3 00:00:35,887 --> 00:00:37,997 There's like, uh, like a service. 4 00:00:39,320 --> 00:00:40,320 It's free. 5 00:00:40,706 --> 00:00:41,706 You might as well. 6 00:00:48,313 --> 00:00:49,403 Connell? 7 00:00:51,260 --> 00:00:52,610 Would you like to come with me? 8 00:00:58,240 --> 00:01:02,590 Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, 9 00:01:02,760 --> 00:01:06,440 five, four, three, two, one. 10 00:01:06,560 --> 00:01:09,120 Happy New Year! 11 00:01:27,160 --> 00:01:29,050 - Happy New Year! - Happy New Year. 12 00:01:31,193 --> 00:01:32,553 Happy New Year, you. 13 00:01:43,480 --> 00:01:44,650 Who is it? 14 00:01:45,385 --> 00:01:47,115 It's just an old school friend. 15 00:01:50,480 --> 00:01:51,620 You okay? 16 00:01:55,060 --> 00:01:58,130 Yeah. It's just a Happy New Year thing. 17 00:01:58,507 --> 00:02:00,157 Happy New Year! 18 00:02:05,293 --> 00:02:06,593 What do you mean? 19 00:02:07,040 --> 00:02:08,370 Are you on your own? 20 00:02:09,080 --> 00:02:11,750 No, I'm with Helen. What do you mean, a body? 21 00:02:12,640 --> 00:02:13,730 Whose body, what? 22 00:02:13,784 --> 00:02:15,614 Rob Hegarty, sweetheart. 23 00:02:15,879 --> 00:02:18,549 They pulled a body out of the river this morning. 24 00:02:35,440 --> 00:02:36,560 Okay, 25 00:02:37,392 --> 00:02:39,192 why don't we talk about how you're feeling. 26 00:02:44,339 --> 00:02:45,579 Yeah, not great. 27 00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:50,250 I'm sorry to hear that. 28 00:02:53,546 --> 00:02:55,146 When did you start feeling this way? 29 00:02:58,480 --> 00:02:59,930 A couple of months ago. 30 00:03:01,080 --> 00:03:02,320 January, I suppose. 31 00:03:02,966 --> 00:03:04,146 Okay. 32 00:03:06,880 --> 00:03:08,750 Did something happen then, or did it just 33 00:03:08,799 --> 00:03:10,389 come out of nowhere, do you feel? 34 00:03:12,346 --> 00:03:14,506 A friend of mine killed himself in January. 35 00:03:17,287 --> 00:03:18,527 A friend from school. 36 00:03:21,980 --> 00:03:23,660 I'm very sorry to hear that, Connell. 37 00:03:24,506 --> 00:03:27,236 We, we hadn't really kept up with each other after college. 38 00:03:27,291 --> 00:03:28,381 'Cause he was... 39 00:03:29,653 --> 00:03:32,663 He was just back in Sligo and I was up here and everything, and... 40 00:03:36,146 --> 00:03:39,086 I guess I just feel guilty that I wasn't in touch with him more. 41 00:03:40,439 --> 00:03:41,759 I can understand that. 42 00:03:42,626 --> 00:03:44,616 But however you might be feeling about your friend, 43 00:03:44,666 --> 00:03:46,626 what happened to him is not your fault. 44 00:03:48,566 --> 00:03:51,486 You are not responsible for the decisions he made. 45 00:03:52,139 --> 00:03:54,769 I never even replied to the last message he sent me. 46 00:03:58,146 --> 00:03:59,926 When you lose someone to suicide, 47 00:04:00,580 --> 00:04:03,190 it can be natural to wonder if there's any more you could have done 48 00:04:03,240 --> 00:04:04,720 in order to help this person. 49 00:04:06,953 --> 00:04:08,963 I'm sure everyone in your friend's life 50 00:04:09,008 --> 00:04:11,158 is asking themselves the same questions now. 51 00:04:11,206 --> 00:04:13,246 Yeah, but at least other people tried to help him. 52 00:04:22,193 --> 00:04:23,833 He'd been drinking a fair bit. 53 00:04:24,819 --> 00:04:26,249 He seemed a bit... 54 00:04:27,087 --> 00:04:28,967 you know, out of sorts, I guess. 55 00:04:29,839 --> 00:04:30,959 Right. 56 00:04:31,953 --> 00:04:33,663 Never wanted to go home, you know? 57 00:04:34,819 --> 00:04:36,259 He always wanted one more. 58 00:04:38,219 --> 00:04:40,289 Got into a few scraps. 59 00:04:40,927 --> 00:04:42,487 Nothing serious, just... 60 00:04:43,571 --> 00:04:44,971 thought it was a laugh. 61 00:04:45,600 --> 00:04:47,200 I tried talking to him, but... 62 00:05:09,899 --> 00:05:11,149 You look handsome. 63 00:05:36,133 --> 00:05:37,313 Ready, sweetheart? 64 00:05:53,766 --> 00:05:54,846 Marianne. 65 00:06:33,906 --> 00:06:35,116 Thank you. 66 00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:41,100 - I'm so sorry. - Thanks for the colours. 67 00:06:41,153 --> 00:06:42,393 You look great. 68 00:06:43,587 --> 00:06:44,717 Thank you. 69 00:06:45,013 --> 00:06:46,373 I'm so sorry. 70 00:06:47,286 --> 00:06:49,226 Thanks, love. Thanks for coming. 71 00:06:55,393 --> 00:06:56,413 Connell. 72 00:06:57,273 --> 00:06:59,013 Good man, good man. 73 00:07:00,039 --> 00:07:01,999 I hear you're doing great things above in Trinity. 74 00:07:03,153 --> 00:07:05,003 - So sorry. - Good man. 75 00:07:06,926 --> 00:07:08,086 Thanks for coming. 76 00:07:11,180 --> 00:07:12,320 Thank you. 77 00:07:42,199 --> 00:07:43,279 How are things? 78 00:07:44,980 --> 00:07:46,150 Who's this? 79 00:07:47,586 --> 00:07:48,586 Helen. 80 00:07:48,862 --> 00:07:50,012 This is Eric. 81 00:07:51,240 --> 00:07:52,750 - Girlfriend, is it? - Yeah. 82 00:07:54,486 --> 00:07:56,296 Must be your fault this fella never comes home anymore. 83 00:07:56,346 --> 00:07:57,906 No, it's not her fault. It's my fault. 84 00:08:00,166 --> 00:08:01,406 I'm just messing. 85 00:08:08,320 --> 00:08:09,850 Good of Marianne to come. 86 00:08:10,227 --> 00:08:11,827 I thought she was off in Sweden or someplace. 87 00:08:11,880 --> 00:08:14,040 Yeah, she was. She's back for the funeral. 88 00:08:15,006 --> 00:08:16,246 She's gone very thin, 89 00:08:16,781 --> 00:08:17,781 hasn't she? 90 00:08:19,360 --> 00:08:20,570 Here's herself. 91 00:08:21,426 --> 00:08:23,666 Very good to have come all the way from Sweden, Marianne. 92 00:08:23,807 --> 00:08:25,157 It's nice to see you. 93 00:08:30,546 --> 00:08:32,306 Do you know Helen here? 94 00:08:33,759 --> 00:08:35,969 Course I do. We were in college together. 95 00:08:37,393 --> 00:08:38,433 Hello, Helen. 96 00:08:39,779 --> 00:08:41,329 It's all friendly, I hope. 97 00:08:42,606 --> 00:08:43,986 No rivalry, I mean. 98 00:08:44,393 --> 00:08:45,773 Behave yourself now. 99 00:08:57,933 --> 00:09:00,113 Why didn't you introduce me to any of your friends? 100 00:09:03,120 --> 00:09:04,920 I introduced you to Eric, didn't I? 101 00:09:05,213 --> 00:09:06,653 Only after he asked. 102 00:09:07,393 --> 00:09:10,073 To be honest, you didn't seem like you really wanted him to meet me. 103 00:09:16,033 --> 00:09:18,473 If you didn't want me to come, you shouldn't have asked me. 104 00:09:20,667 --> 00:09:22,587 Okay, I'm sorry I asked you, then. 105 00:09:24,039 --> 00:09:25,249 What does that mean? 106 00:09:26,393 --> 00:09:28,123 - You're sorry I was there? - No. 107 00:09:28,353 --> 00:09:29,873 I'm saying if you got the wrong impression 108 00:09:29,920 --> 00:09:32,040 of what it was gonna be like, then I'm sorry. 109 00:09:34,349 --> 00:09:36,469 You didn't want me there at all, did you? 110 00:09:36,520 --> 00:09:38,760 I didn't want to be there myself, to be honest. 111 00:09:40,526 --> 00:09:41,986 Look, I'm sorry you didn't have a good time. 112 00:09:42,041 --> 00:09:43,251 But like, it was a funeral. 113 00:09:43,447 --> 00:09:45,167 Don't really know what you expected. 114 00:09:52,686 --> 00:09:54,326 Well, you weren't ignoring Marianne. 115 00:09:55,128 --> 00:09:56,688 I wasn't ignoring anyone. 116 00:09:56,946 --> 00:09:58,876 But you just seemed particularly happy to see her. 117 00:09:58,931 --> 00:10:00,991 - For fuck's sake, Helen. - What? 118 00:10:01,040 --> 00:10:03,240 I mean, does every argument have to come back to this? 119 00:10:05,353 --> 00:10:07,753 Our friend just killed himself, and now, you want to start 120 00:10:07,800 --> 00:10:09,840 going at me about Marianne. Like, seriously? 121 00:10:12,520 --> 00:10:13,680 And yeah. 122 00:10:14,679 --> 00:10:16,979 I was happy to see her. Does that make me a monster? 123 00:10:19,553 --> 00:10:22,163 I've been very sympathetic about Rob and you know that. 124 00:10:22,473 --> 00:10:24,923 But what do you expect me to do? Just pretend I don't notice 125 00:10:24,978 --> 00:10:26,558 you're staring at another woman in front of me. 126 00:10:26,612 --> 00:10:29,472 - No, I was not staring at her. - You were, in the church. 127 00:10:29,520 --> 00:10:31,000 It wasn't intentional. 128 00:10:36,700 --> 00:10:38,580 Why do you have to act so weird around her? 129 00:10:40,013 --> 00:10:42,243 How I act with her is my normal personality. 130 00:10:43,453 --> 00:10:44,553 I'm... 131 00:10:44,927 --> 00:10:46,607 maybe I'm just a weird person. 132 00:11:15,820 --> 00:11:17,430 Most of you will, I hope, 133 00:11:17,480 --> 00:11:19,270 have picked up on the fact that... 134 00:11:30,440 --> 00:11:33,650 This dismantling of the family trope is fairly radical. 135 00:11:34,113 --> 00:11:37,353 The constitution itself quite literally defined the Irish... 136 00:12:21,679 --> 00:12:23,519 Like I want to be there for you 137 00:12:23,570 --> 00:12:26,130 but you just won't let me. 138 00:12:28,840 --> 00:12:30,010 I have tried. 139 00:12:31,600 --> 00:12:34,720 And I feel like I'm holding on to other, like, 140 00:12:35,360 --> 00:12:37,240 frankly legitimate worries 141 00:12:38,321 --> 00:12:39,431 or whatever 142 00:12:39,873 --> 00:12:41,673 that existed before all this. 143 00:12:43,100 --> 00:12:45,250 Before you felt like this. 144 00:12:46,886 --> 00:12:48,996 And I can't sit on them 'cause you're feeling so low. 145 00:12:49,053 --> 00:12:50,413 That's just not fair. 146 00:12:52,880 --> 00:12:54,320 I really care about you. 147 00:12:55,600 --> 00:12:57,240 I hate seeing you like this. 148 00:12:59,160 --> 00:13:01,280 But I don't think this is working anymore. 149 00:13:03,573 --> 00:13:07,253 I don't know if this was all the way working before, and now... 150 00:13:08,879 --> 00:13:11,719 all this is just like... 151 00:13:13,559 --> 00:13:15,259 exacerbated it, and... 152 00:13:17,199 --> 00:13:18,329 Okay. 153 00:13:22,873 --> 00:13:23,873 I'm sorry. 154 00:13:28,572 --> 00:13:29,752 I'm sorry too. 155 00:13:39,560 --> 00:13:41,240 Do you have friends here in Dublin? 156 00:13:43,099 --> 00:13:44,359 Anyone you're close with 157 00:13:44,406 --> 00:13:46,486 that you might talk to about how you're feeling. 158 00:13:53,966 --> 00:13:55,656 Niall, maybe. 159 00:13:55,886 --> 00:13:57,806 He's the one who told me about this. 160 00:13:59,373 --> 00:14:00,493 Well, that's good. 161 00:14:01,920 --> 00:14:03,390 He's looking out for you. 162 00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:06,110 Niall. 163 00:14:07,253 --> 00:14:08,363 Okay. 164 00:14:10,440 --> 00:14:13,130 I have another friend that I'm pretty close with but... 165 00:14:14,460 --> 00:14:15,890 she's on Erasmus this year. 166 00:14:20,820 --> 00:14:21,820 I'm sorry. 167 00:14:22,244 --> 00:14:23,434 That sounds awful. 168 00:14:24,400 --> 00:14:25,550 I liked Helen. 169 00:14:27,140 --> 00:14:29,610 I did. I genuinely did. 170 00:14:30,919 --> 00:14:33,679 I know she wasn't entirely fond of me, but... 171 00:14:34,759 --> 00:14:36,719 it's hard to ignore that she made you happy. 172 00:14:37,233 --> 00:14:38,513 I, I don't know. 173 00:14:39,800 --> 00:14:40,960 I don't feel anything. 174 00:14:43,126 --> 00:14:44,186 Then I... 175 00:14:45,626 --> 00:14:48,786 I find myself crying or having a panic attack 176 00:14:48,840 --> 00:14:51,130 so presumably, I do feel it. Just... 177 00:14:53,133 --> 00:14:54,533 It just doesn't connect. 178 00:14:58,467 --> 00:14:59,667 I understand. 179 00:15:02,546 --> 00:15:03,626 I know you do. 180 00:15:07,927 --> 00:15:09,147 I'm really tired. 181 00:15:11,440 --> 00:15:12,590 You want to sleep? 182 00:15:14,546 --> 00:15:15,986 We can keep Skype on. 183 00:15:19,080 --> 00:15:20,600 Carry me over to your bed. 184 00:16:13,800 --> 00:16:15,230 Is she a friend from college? 185 00:16:16,160 --> 00:16:17,530 We were in school together. 186 00:16:18,113 --> 00:16:19,133 But, 187 00:16:19,313 --> 00:16:21,553 she's in Trinity as well. It's Marianne. 188 00:16:24,320 --> 00:16:26,430 She knew Rob, our friend who died. 189 00:16:27,307 --> 00:16:28,387 But... 190 00:16:29,493 --> 00:16:31,433 she's away this year, like I said. 191 00:16:58,006 --> 00:16:59,146 You're awake. 192 00:17:02,193 --> 00:17:03,193 Morning. 193 00:17:16,453 --> 00:17:18,973 Is she someone you might talk with about how you're feeling? 194 00:17:20,166 --> 00:17:21,786 She's been supportive about it. 195 00:17:23,652 --> 00:17:24,752 And she's... 196 00:17:28,726 --> 00:17:30,686 She's hard to describe, if you don't know her. 197 00:17:30,800 --> 00:17:31,880 She's... 198 00:17:33,726 --> 00:17:34,966 she's really smart. 199 00:17:36,819 --> 00:17:38,139 She's a lot smarter than me. 200 00:17:41,153 --> 00:17:44,433 We, we see the world in a similar way. And... 201 00:17:46,773 --> 00:17:48,733 we've lived our life in the same place. 202 00:17:48,940 --> 00:17:50,220 So obviously, it's... 203 00:17:53,393 --> 00:17:55,033 It's a bit different being away from her. 204 00:17:58,439 --> 00:17:59,969 It sounds difficult. 205 00:18:03,305 --> 00:18:06,405 I don't really click with a lot of people. 206 00:18:06,986 --> 00:18:08,906 I, I struggle with that, actually. 207 00:18:12,960 --> 00:18:14,600 Do you think that's a new problem? 208 00:18:15,193 --> 00:18:18,493 Or is it familiar to you? 209 00:18:22,513 --> 00:18:24,513 It's, uh, familiar. 210 00:18:25,486 --> 00:18:26,666 I would say... 211 00:18:29,646 --> 00:18:31,506 in school, I definitely felt that 212 00:18:32,733 --> 00:18:34,973 feeling of isolation or whatever. But... 213 00:18:39,273 --> 00:18:40,813 People seem to like me. 214 00:18:41,527 --> 00:18:42,747 Everything, and... 215 00:18:45,326 --> 00:18:47,636 here, I don't think that... 216 00:18:51,680 --> 00:18:53,650 people like me that much. 217 00:18:58,358 --> 00:19:00,468 Like Rob, my friend who... 218 00:19:03,940 --> 00:19:06,110 I wouldn't say that we clicked on a very 219 00:19:07,240 --> 00:19:09,540 deep level or anything. But, 220 00:19:11,159 --> 00:19:12,329 we were friends. 221 00:19:13,500 --> 00:19:14,630 And... 222 00:19:16,180 --> 00:19:17,600 I wouldn't say that we had a lot in common 223 00:19:17,653 --> 00:19:19,753 in terms of interests or anything like that. 224 00:19:21,240 --> 00:19:23,210 Definitely not politically, if we ever 225 00:19:23,967 --> 00:19:25,727 really examined that. But... 226 00:19:30,499 --> 00:19:32,539 That stuff didn't really matter in school. 227 00:19:34,186 --> 00:19:36,146 'Cause we were, we were in the same 228 00:19:36,220 --> 00:19:37,760 group of friends, so, you know? 229 00:19:38,600 --> 00:19:39,840 I understand that. 230 00:19:41,986 --> 00:19:43,066 And, 231 00:19:43,433 --> 00:19:44,473 he... 232 00:19:44,746 --> 00:19:46,246 he did some stuff that I... 233 00:19:47,406 --> 00:19:50,286 I wouldn't have been a fan of, in terms of, like with girls. 234 00:19:50,360 --> 00:19:51,400 But... 235 00:19:56,220 --> 00:19:58,400 We were 18, you know. We just... 236 00:20:00,480 --> 00:20:02,560 we acted like idiots, and... 237 00:20:05,880 --> 00:20:06,970 I think... 238 00:20:07,845 --> 00:20:09,265 I felt a bit alienated 239 00:20:10,003 --> 00:20:11,153 with that stuff. 240 00:20:13,026 --> 00:20:14,186 And... 241 00:20:17,999 --> 00:20:18,999 I think-- 242 00:20:19,537 --> 00:20:21,047 I think I thought if I... 243 00:20:22,333 --> 00:20:23,533 moved here... 244 00:20:25,280 --> 00:20:26,480 I'd fit in better. 245 00:20:27,953 --> 00:20:29,173 I thought... 246 00:20:32,300 --> 00:20:35,560 I'd meet more like-minded people but that just hasn't... 247 00:20:49,686 --> 00:20:54,426 I left Carricklea thinking I could have a different life. 248 00:20:59,233 --> 00:21:00,333 But I... 249 00:21:01,340 --> 00:21:03,330 I hate it here and... 250 00:21:05,533 --> 00:21:06,893 I can never go back. 251 00:21:09,800 --> 00:21:12,160 Because those friendships are gone, and... 252 00:21:16,813 --> 00:21:20,393 and Rob is gone and I, I can't see him again. 253 00:21:24,400 --> 00:21:25,990 I can't get that life back. 254 00:21:27,326 --> 00:21:28,346 I'm sorry. 255 00:21:29,960 --> 00:21:31,920 You don't need to apologize. 256 00:22:32,653 --> 00:22:33,813 She sounds nice. 257 00:22:35,480 --> 00:22:36,480 Yeah. 258 00:22:36,591 --> 00:22:37,691 Sounds good. 259 00:22:39,059 --> 00:22:40,169 Yeah. 260 00:22:41,173 --> 00:22:42,423 Well done, Niall. 261 00:22:46,720 --> 00:22:47,960 How do you feel now? 262 00:22:51,273 --> 00:22:52,323 Okay. 263 00:22:52,366 --> 00:22:53,466 Just... 264 00:22:55,727 --> 00:22:56,727 Flat, 265 00:22:57,035 --> 00:22:58,095 I guess. 266 00:23:00,973 --> 00:23:01,973 What? 267 00:23:05,893 --> 00:23:07,073 Do you ever feel... 268 00:23:08,526 --> 00:23:09,646 I don't know. 269 00:23:10,580 --> 00:23:11,730 Angry? 270 00:23:14,166 --> 00:23:15,236 About? 271 00:23:15,693 --> 00:23:16,793 About Rob. 272 00:23:17,893 --> 00:23:20,803 After the funeral, did you feel angry? 273 00:23:22,073 --> 00:23:23,213 With him? 274 00:23:23,655 --> 00:23:24,655 No. 275 00:23:24,953 --> 00:23:26,383 No, geez, no. 276 00:23:27,033 --> 00:23:30,503 I know that's... that people feel that when someone... 277 00:23:33,913 --> 00:23:35,393 I couldn't get off Facebook. 278 00:23:38,140 --> 00:23:40,170 Everyone kept commenting on his wall. 279 00:23:40,746 --> 00:23:42,866 - Yeah. - Like, it made me furious. 280 00:23:43,646 --> 00:23:45,866 Like, what do they mean? 281 00:23:45,973 --> 00:23:48,773 All these people, like advertising their loss like that. 282 00:23:49,760 --> 00:23:52,540 And who's it for? Not Rob, obviously. 283 00:23:53,779 --> 00:23:55,429 And, like, what's the etiquette there? 284 00:23:55,480 --> 00:23:57,690 Should I be liking every comment on his wall? 285 00:23:58,060 --> 00:24:00,550 Well, it sounds like you've worked through that anger. 286 00:24:02,173 --> 00:24:03,243 No. 287 00:24:04,193 --> 00:24:05,453 Of course, people 288 00:24:06,040 --> 00:24:07,660 can grieve how they want. 289 00:24:09,899 --> 00:24:10,899 Sorry. 290 00:24:11,264 --> 00:24:12,474 I get it. 291 00:24:13,680 --> 00:24:15,040 It feels a bit pointless. 292 00:24:16,080 --> 00:24:17,320 Yeah, I think that's it. 293 00:24:19,733 --> 00:24:20,733 And everyone 294 00:24:20,943 --> 00:24:22,413 kept talking about... 295 00:24:24,060 --> 00:24:25,790 what a great person he was. 296 00:24:26,026 --> 00:24:27,336 How full of life, 297 00:24:27,554 --> 00:24:29,194 what a devoted son, and 298 00:24:29,768 --> 00:24:30,768 I get it. 299 00:24:32,380 --> 00:24:33,770 But what, was that him? 300 00:24:37,227 --> 00:24:38,227 No. 301 00:24:40,707 --> 00:24:42,057 He was insecure. 302 00:24:44,058 --> 00:24:45,668 Obsessed with being liked. 303 00:24:46,367 --> 00:24:47,467 I mean, 304 00:24:48,282 --> 00:24:50,462 I know I can talk. But... 305 00:24:57,373 --> 00:24:58,533 I miss you. 306 00:25:02,053 --> 00:25:03,823 I miss you, too, Connell. 19367

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