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1
00:00:06,208 --> 00:00:09,000
[thunderclap]
2
00:00:09,500 --> 00:00:11,083
[sinister music playing]
3
00:00:11,791 --> 00:00:14,000
Look out! Oh! Ah! [chuckles]
4
00:00:14,083 --> 00:00:18,125
Stand your ground, wuss.
Stop getting cucked by the wind.
5
00:00:18,208 --> 00:00:21,458
Better to be a living cuck
than a dead hero.
6
00:00:21,541 --> 00:00:23,666
[Gavin] Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!
7
00:00:23,750 --> 00:00:25,083
Fuck! Ow! Ow! Ow!
8
00:00:25,166 --> 00:00:28,833
Ah! The fire! The piss!
The fire and the piss!
9
00:00:28,916 --> 00:00:30,958
You gonna plug that thing back in or not?
10
00:00:31,041 --> 00:00:33,083
- [screams]
- [electricity crackling]
11
00:00:35,291 --> 00:00:38,666
And then Gavin,
sniveling coward that he is,
12
00:00:38,750 --> 00:00:40,291
started to weep and beg me
13
00:00:40,375 --> 00:00:43,708
to "pwease, pwease, pwease
plug the thing back in."
14
00:00:43,791 --> 00:00:47,916
And I said, "Of course, I will.
I am the bravest of wizards."
15
00:00:48,000 --> 00:00:52,416
And he replied, "Not me.
I just wee-weed my big-boy pants."
16
00:00:52,500 --> 00:00:53,666
[laughter]
17
00:00:53,750 --> 00:00:56,125
Yeah, Gavin died a coward's death.
I called it.
18
00:00:56,208 --> 00:01:00,375
Those were, of course,
the last words Gavin ever spoke.
19
00:01:00,458 --> 00:01:03,666
He then slipped in a puddle
of his own sissy water
20
00:01:03,750 --> 00:01:07,500
and skidded off the roof
to his unflattering demise,
21
00:01:07,583 --> 00:01:11,125
leaving only me to tell his pathetic tale.
22
00:01:11,208 --> 00:01:14,333
God rest his chickenshit soul. [spits]
23
00:01:14,416 --> 00:01:15,250
[all spit]
24
00:01:15,333 --> 00:01:18,833
But of course, I sallied on,
plugged in the thingy,
25
00:01:18,916 --> 00:01:20,625
and saved the entire office.
26
00:01:20,708 --> 00:01:23,125
- [cheering]
- Okay, we don't have all day.
27
00:01:23,208 --> 00:01:26,208
Here's your certificate
for "Employee of the Month."
28
00:01:26,291 --> 00:01:29,625
Show this at the cafeteria
and you get a free yogurt.
29
00:01:29,708 --> 00:01:30,750
- Not Greek.
- Woo!
30
00:01:30,833 --> 00:01:32,017
- All right!
- Oh, bittersweet.
31
00:01:32,041 --> 00:01:34,583
This will be in my office
if you want a closer look.
32
00:01:34,666 --> 00:01:37,583
You're my hero.
Will you sign my butthole, Mr. Hero?
33
00:01:37,666 --> 00:01:39,916
Ahh, with pleasure, young fellow.
34
00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:42,125
I love how every time you tell the story
35
00:01:42,208 --> 00:01:45,000
there are new details
that make you more fuckable.
36
00:01:45,083 --> 00:01:47,083
[male voice] Yeah.
That is something, isn't it?
37
00:01:47,166 --> 00:01:48,583
- Who said that?
- I did.
38
00:01:48,666 --> 00:01:49,958
- [all gasp]
- Gavin?
39
00:01:50,041 --> 00:01:51,875
You're... alive.
40
00:01:51,958 --> 00:01:56,833
Actually, I'm Guyvin. Gavin's identical
but suspiciously nice twin brother.
41
00:01:56,916 --> 00:01:58,125
- Oh!
- Oh, of course.
42
00:01:58,208 --> 00:01:59,541
Gavin had a twin brother.
43
00:01:59,625 --> 00:02:01,666
- Okay. That makes sense.
- No, it doesn't.
44
00:02:01,750 --> 00:02:05,083
Sometimes characters have twins
and that's just good storytelling.
45
00:02:05,166 --> 00:02:07,916
- That checks out.
- Right, my identical-twin sister, Bonnie?
46
00:02:08,000 --> 00:02:12,166
Yeah, Connie, but we're not identical
because I have a different haircut.
47
00:02:12,250 --> 00:02:14,791
- And glasses. Bye, Bonnie.
- Bye, Connie.
48
00:02:14,875 --> 00:02:17,708
- Hey, Wizard.
- Oh, no! Please don't hurt me, Gavin.
49
00:02:17,791 --> 00:02:20,500
Well, first of all, buddy,
my name is Guyvin.
50
00:02:20,583 --> 00:02:23,250
And second, I don't wanna hurt you,
I wanna thank you
51
00:02:23,333 --> 00:02:25,458
and give you a gentle hug.
52
00:02:25,541 --> 00:02:26,781
- [grunts]
- Thank me? For what?
53
00:02:26,833 --> 00:02:29,416
For being with my brother
in the last moments of his life.
54
00:02:29,500 --> 00:02:32,166
As his identical twin,
I could feel all of his pain.
55
00:02:32,250 --> 00:02:34,017
- Oh...
- But I don't know none of the details.
56
00:02:34,041 --> 00:02:35,583
Because they keep changing. [grunts]
57
00:02:35,666 --> 00:02:37,208
That's why I wanna take you to coffee.
58
00:02:37,291 --> 00:02:41,000
So you can walk me through
his last moments, gimme a little closure.
59
00:02:41,083 --> 00:02:42,125
- "Closure"?
- Yeah.
60
00:02:42,208 --> 00:02:46,250
No distractions. Just you and me,
and some nighttime coffee.
61
00:02:46,333 --> 00:02:49,125
Yeah, well, the caffeine
may ruin my slumber,
62
00:02:49,208 --> 00:02:52,125
but how could I say no to you, uh, Guyvin?
63
00:02:52,208 --> 00:02:56,291
Oh, and his name is Guyvin because
it sounds like Gavin, but he's a guy.
64
00:02:56,375 --> 00:02:58,125
You know, that must be why
my brother's name
65
00:02:58,208 --> 00:03:00,083
is "Joe But With A Regular Penis."
66
00:03:00,166 --> 00:03:02,625
Oh, yeah, and how is
Joe But With A Regular Penis?
67
00:03:02,708 --> 00:03:04,541
You know, he's very sick, actually.
68
00:03:04,625 --> 00:03:06,541
♪ That's just the way you make me feel ♪
69
00:03:06,625 --> 00:03:08,958
♪ That's just the way you make me feel ♪
70
00:03:09,041 --> 00:03:12,401
- ♪ That's just the way you make me feel ♪
- ♪ That's just the way you make me feel ♪
71
00:03:12,458 --> 00:03:15,125
♪ A-ha
So real, so good, so fuckin' real ♪
72
00:03:15,208 --> 00:03:17,291
- ♪ So real, so good, so fuckin' real ♪
- ♪ A-ha ♪
73
00:03:17,375 --> 00:03:19,125
♪ That's just the way you make me feel ♪
74
00:03:19,208 --> 00:03:21,333
♪ That's just the way you make me feel ♪
75
00:03:21,416 --> 00:03:26,458
♪ It's like I'm powerful
With a little bit of tender ♪
76
00:03:26,541 --> 00:03:30,625
♪ An emotional, sexual bender ♪
77
00:03:30,708 --> 00:03:35,000
♪ Mess me up, yeah
But no one does it better ♪
78
00:03:35,083 --> 00:03:36,916
♪ There's nothing better ♪
79
00:03:37,000 --> 00:03:39,333
♪ That's just the way you make me feel ♪
80
00:03:40,333 --> 00:03:41,541
[Emmy hums]
81
00:03:41,625 --> 00:03:42,666
Mmm!
82
00:03:42,750 --> 00:03:43,916
Office chicken.
83
00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:48,458
So, um, Emmy, uh, as someone
who I am slowly growing to respect...
84
00:03:48,541 --> 00:03:51,041
What? Pete respects moi-ha-ha?
85
00:03:51,125 --> 00:03:55,875
I was just wondering if I could ask you
for some, uh, professional love advice?
86
00:03:55,958 --> 00:03:59,083
Oh, and now he needs Daddy's help.
87
00:03:59,166 --> 00:04:01,166
- Immediately regret this.
- No, no, no, no, no!
88
00:04:01,250 --> 00:04:03,250
Don't go. Uh, let me guess.
89
00:04:03,333 --> 00:04:05,708
Now that Dante and Rochelle are done-zo,
90
00:04:05,791 --> 00:04:10,500
you wanna know how long you should wait
before you make your big move.
91
00:04:10,583 --> 00:04:11,666
Actually, yes.
92
00:04:11,750 --> 00:04:14,166
I, uh, stayed up all night
coding parametric models
93
00:04:14,250 --> 00:04:16,583
- to pinpoint the optimal time to tell her.
- Okaaay...
94
00:04:16,666 --> 00:04:20,625
Each timeframe uses what I'm calling
"confession points" or "CPs."
95
00:04:20,708 --> 00:04:21,908
- Um...?
- As you can see here,
96
00:04:21,958 --> 00:04:24,416
if I go with a three-month CP,
I'm being respectful,
97
00:04:24,500 --> 00:04:26,500
but risk her moving on
and finding happiness.
98
00:04:27,083 --> 00:04:32,083
Hey, if you wanna "C" some "P,"
you gotta ask her out today, hombre.
99
00:04:32,166 --> 00:04:35,000
What? [stammers] No.
The trend line on a 24-hour CP is...
100
00:04:35,083 --> 00:04:39,375
Okay, listen, Old Sheldon,
this Big Bang energy ain't helping you.
101
00:04:39,458 --> 00:04:42,125
I have this friend.
I'm not gonna name any names...
102
00:04:42,208 --> 00:04:45,541
[sighs] Is it Van? That Logic Rock
you won't stop talking about?
103
00:04:45,625 --> 00:04:49,166
It is. And Van just went for it with me.
104
00:04:49,250 --> 00:04:51,541
She smooched my brains out
at the Jizz Mitzvah,
105
00:04:51,625 --> 00:04:54,291
and now I'll do anything she wants.
106
00:04:54,375 --> 00:04:56,541
She basically owns my ass.
107
00:04:56,625 --> 00:04:59,625
So, do you wanna
own Rochelle's ass or not?
108
00:04:59,708 --> 00:05:01,500
Well, ideally, I would enter into
109
00:05:01,583 --> 00:05:04,208
some sort of cooperative agreement
with Rochelle's ass,
110
00:05:04,291 --> 00:05:05,833
where I assume a minority stake and...
111
00:05:05,916 --> 00:05:10,000
Oh, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete,
that's for the butt lawyers to work out.
112
00:05:10,083 --> 00:05:12,791
Daddy's gonna go talk you up to Rochelle...
113
00:05:12,875 --> 00:05:13,875
- What?
- ...right now.
114
00:05:13,958 --> 00:05:17,083
No! No, I'm not ready.
Please, Daddy, don't!
115
00:05:17,166 --> 00:05:20,875
Look at Dante eat-pray-fucking his way
through the southern hemisphere.
116
00:05:20,958 --> 00:05:24,708
It's like men get freakin' flyer miles
for every chick they screw over.
117
00:05:24,791 --> 00:05:29,416
Meanwhile, all Rochelle got
was a broken heart and Emmy's chlamydia.
118
00:05:29,500 --> 00:05:31,250
Guys, come on. I'm trying to work.
119
00:05:31,333 --> 00:05:33,458
I don't wanna see
Dante sucking off a llama.
120
00:05:33,541 --> 00:05:35,583
Oh! That's what he's doing.
121
00:05:35,666 --> 00:05:37,351
- You want my advice, Rochelle?
- Not really.
122
00:05:37,375 --> 00:05:40,833
- He's a loser. He left. Get over it.
- Petra's right.
123
00:05:40,916 --> 00:05:45,458
There are plenty of other fish
right here in the office,
124
00:05:45,541 --> 00:05:48,125
just waiting to get
absolutely filleted by you.
125
00:05:48,208 --> 00:05:49,041
[Pete gasps]
126
00:05:49,125 --> 00:05:51,583
Everyone stop, okay?
I'm not trying to filet any fish.
127
00:05:51,666 --> 00:05:53,916
I just wanna focus
on my clients right now.
128
00:05:54,000 --> 00:05:57,375
But if you, the world's greatest Lovebug,
can't find love,
129
00:05:57,458 --> 00:05:59,166
what chance do your clients have?
130
00:05:59,250 --> 00:06:00,958
- No chance.
- Exactly.
131
00:06:01,041 --> 00:06:04,333
Oh, my God, they have no fucking chance.
132
00:06:04,416 --> 00:06:07,541
- Whoa, Rochelle, it's okay.
- No, it's not okay.
133
00:06:07,625 --> 00:06:10,250
Tito's right.
Love is my whole fucking thing.
134
00:06:10,333 --> 00:06:12,875
If I suck ass at it,
what good am I to anyone? Hmm?
135
00:06:12,958 --> 00:06:14,416
[female voice] Mm, mm, mm...
136
00:06:14,500 --> 00:06:18,458
- Bitch, what you need is a little Hope.
- Oh!
137
00:06:18,541 --> 00:06:21,666
Oh, my God, Hope!
Girl, where have you been?
138
00:06:21,750 --> 00:06:23,500
Honey, where haven't I been?
139
00:06:23,583 --> 00:06:26,208
There ain't a person
on that rapidly warming planet
140
00:06:26,291 --> 00:06:28,392
- that don't wanna get to know my fine ass.
- [chuckles]
141
00:06:28,416 --> 00:06:31,041
But when I heard
my number one was hurting,
142
00:06:31,125 --> 00:06:33,916
chile, you best believe I said,
"Let 'em all die."
143
00:06:34,000 --> 00:06:38,125
So, wait, your job is hope
and your name is Hope?
144
00:06:38,208 --> 00:06:43,250
Yeah, it's my whole gestalt, baby.
I bring possibility and wonder.
145
00:06:43,333 --> 00:06:45,291
And a big sparkling bag of bullshit.
146
00:06:45,375 --> 00:06:47,541
- Hello to you, too, Petra.
- Ugh.
147
00:06:47,625 --> 00:06:49,833
- Please don't start, ladies.
- You know somethin'?
148
00:06:49,916 --> 00:06:52,458
My clients don't hope they get a new job,
149
00:06:52,541 --> 00:06:55,291
they work their asses off
and earn a new job.
150
00:06:55,375 --> 00:06:58,666
Girl, shut up. You know it's hope
that makes people hustle.
151
00:06:58,750 --> 00:07:00,250
Yeah, shut up, Petra.
152
00:07:00,333 --> 00:07:01,666
What'd you fuckin' say to me?
153
00:07:01,750 --> 00:07:03,000
I said I respect you so much.
154
00:07:03,083 --> 00:07:05,333
All right, Rochelle,
here's how we're gonna turn
155
00:07:05,416 --> 00:07:07,583
your mopin' into some hopin'.
156
00:07:07,666 --> 00:07:10,000
- First, we're taking the day off.
- Oh.
157
00:07:10,083 --> 00:07:12,875
I wish I could,
but I've got this client, Alice.
158
00:07:12,958 --> 00:07:14,250
She's got a first date tonight.
159
00:07:14,333 --> 00:07:17,500
Ooh! Even better. I love a first date.
160
00:07:17,583 --> 00:07:20,916
All the feels and suspense.
Will they be the one?
161
00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:23,375
Or just the one they fuck tonight?
162
00:07:23,458 --> 00:07:26,125
- First date intercourse!
- First date intercourse!
163
00:07:26,208 --> 00:07:28,166
[chuckles] I love it when Hope
comes to town.
164
00:07:28,250 --> 00:07:29,333
I'm coming too.
165
00:07:29,416 --> 00:07:32,616
You can't have a first date without the
constant fear of it going horribly wrong.
166
00:07:32,666 --> 00:07:33,666
Girls' night!
167
00:07:33,708 --> 00:07:36,833
I don't know, Hope. I don't wanna put
too much pressure on this date.
168
00:07:36,916 --> 00:07:41,291
Oh, loosen up, Rochelle.
Hope is here. Anything is possible.
169
00:07:41,375 --> 00:07:42,208
[cheering]
170
00:07:42,291 --> 00:07:45,958
Okay, fine. But can we turn down
the disco booby balls?
171
00:07:46,041 --> 00:07:47,208
[laughs]
172
00:07:47,291 --> 00:07:48,666
They don't have an off switch.
173
00:07:48,750 --> 00:07:50,166
What a fuckin' phony.
174
00:07:50,250 --> 00:07:52,083
Damn, Petra, you really hate Hope.
175
00:07:52,166 --> 00:07:55,041
I don't hate her.
I just think she's a total flake.
176
00:07:55,125 --> 00:07:56,925
And honestly?
I don't think her tits are real.
177
00:07:57,000 --> 00:07:58,875
Well, yeah. They're disco balls.
178
00:07:58,958 --> 00:08:00,541
[playful music playing]
179
00:08:00,625 --> 00:08:01,625
[groans]
180
00:08:02,833 --> 00:08:04,791
[slurps]
181
00:08:06,000 --> 00:08:08,375
[honking]
182
00:08:08,458 --> 00:08:09,875
♪ Pee-pee time ♪
183
00:08:09,958 --> 00:08:12,166
♪ Time to go pee-pee
'Cause it's pee-pee time ♪
184
00:08:12,250 --> 00:08:14,208
[Guyvin whistles]
185
00:08:16,083 --> 00:08:17,708
- Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!
- [gasps]
186
00:08:17,791 --> 00:08:20,125
- [dramatic music playing]
- [Guyvin] Ow, ow, ow, ow!
187
00:08:20,208 --> 00:08:21,125
Every time.
188
00:08:21,208 --> 00:08:23,166
Wow. Every time.
189
00:08:23,250 --> 00:08:24,791
[Lionel gasps] Fire-hose dick.
190
00:08:24,875 --> 00:08:27,416
- [grunts] Pete! Hide with me.
- Oh!
191
00:08:27,500 --> 00:08:28,500
Uh, what? Why?
192
00:08:28,583 --> 00:08:31,708
- I don't want Guyvin to see us.
- Why? What's wrong?
193
00:08:31,791 --> 00:08:34,000
You must promise
not to call me cuckoo bananas.
194
00:08:34,083 --> 00:08:35,763
That's a promise
I feel comfortable making.
195
00:08:35,833 --> 00:08:38,416
I believe, beyond a shadow of a doubt,
196
00:08:38,500 --> 00:08:41,166
that Guyvin is actually Gavin.
197
00:08:41,250 --> 00:08:43,750
- No, yeah, you're cuckoo bananas.
- No! No, I'm not!
198
00:08:43,833 --> 00:08:46,500
I snuck in the bathroom
and looked at his penis.
199
00:08:46,583 --> 00:08:48,250
This isn't helping your case.
200
00:08:48,333 --> 00:08:50,333
It's identical to Gavin's.
201
00:08:50,416 --> 00:08:51,750
Well, they're twins.
202
00:08:51,833 --> 00:08:55,083
Look, it sounds like Gavin's death
was very traumatic for you,
203
00:08:55,166 --> 00:08:58,166
and there must be some part of you
that wishes he was still alive.
204
00:08:58,250 --> 00:08:59,916
No, no, no, no, that's not it.
205
00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:02,583
You probably have survivor's guilt
because you couldn't save him.
206
00:09:02,666 --> 00:09:06,541
Oh, survivor's guilt. Like you with Dante?
207
00:09:06,625 --> 00:09:08,666
Well, no. I saved Dante.
208
00:09:08,750 --> 00:09:11,250
By divorcing him from his favorite cock.
209
00:09:11,333 --> 00:09:12,458
To save his life.
210
00:09:12,541 --> 00:09:14,083
Sure, by ruining it.
211
00:09:14,166 --> 00:09:16,416
So if I'm scared of Guyvin,
212
00:09:16,500 --> 00:09:20,916
you must be terrified that Dante
will make good on his vow of revenge.
213
00:09:21,000 --> 00:09:23,375
Wait. Do you really think
Dante is gonna get revenge on me?
214
00:09:23,458 --> 00:09:24,666
- I do.
- Oh, God.
215
00:09:24,750 --> 00:09:28,375
And I'm quite sure
Gavin's back from the dead to kill me.
216
00:09:28,458 --> 00:09:30,750
I'll see you in hell, Peter.
217
00:09:30,833 --> 00:09:34,916
- [gentle vocalizing]
- So, Alice, tonight's the big date.
218
00:09:35,000 --> 00:09:37,583
Tell me everything. Spill the tea.
219
00:09:37,666 --> 00:09:39,541
How did you and this dreamboat Shawn meet?
220
00:09:39,625 --> 00:09:43,208
- Well, he came to one of my talks.
- Alice is a disability rights activist.
221
00:09:43,291 --> 00:09:46,250
- And then he followed me on Twitter.
- She has a lot of fans.
222
00:09:46,333 --> 00:09:48,166
But this one direct messaged me.
223
00:09:48,250 --> 00:09:49,416
- Ha! That's right!
- Yeah!
224
00:09:49,500 --> 00:09:51,625
- Do you wanna see him?
- [Hope] Oh my lord.
225
00:09:51,708 --> 00:09:53,625
Look at him in these coochie cutters.
226
00:09:53,708 --> 00:09:55,375
This man is a hunk of cheese.
227
00:09:55,458 --> 00:09:57,666
He is Monterey Jacked.
228
00:09:57,750 --> 00:10:00,500
You cheddar go home with him tonight.
229
00:10:00,583 --> 00:10:02,000
[laughter]
230
00:10:02,083 --> 00:10:04,333
- Hey, can you please not do that?
- [chuckles] Do what?
231
00:10:04,416 --> 00:10:08,958
- Get Alice's hopes up about this guy.
- Girl, put some respect on my name.
232
00:10:09,041 --> 00:10:12,083
I'm just saying, men are trash
no matter how few dicks they have.
233
00:10:12,166 --> 00:10:14,000
Oh, man, Rochelle's not wrong.
234
00:10:14,083 --> 00:10:18,375
Yeah, Alice and I like to have
low expectations when it comes to romance.
235
00:10:18,458 --> 00:10:21,333
"Low expectations"? Why?
236
00:10:21,416 --> 00:10:24,083
Because what if this date
is a total shitshow?
237
00:10:24,166 --> 00:10:27,208
- Thank you. That's what I'm saying.
- I hear you, TeeTee.
238
00:10:27,291 --> 00:10:30,458
But I think the real question is,
what if it isn't?
239
00:10:30,541 --> 00:10:34,000
- Oh, my God. I never even considered that.
- [explosion]
240
00:10:34,083 --> 00:10:37,583
In fact, I could see this date
going fabulously.
241
00:10:37,666 --> 00:10:39,125
- I don't know.
- Me neither.
242
00:10:39,208 --> 00:10:40,500
Well, baby, I do.
243
00:10:40,583 --> 00:10:44,041
And you best believe
Hope is gon' sing about it.
244
00:10:44,125 --> 00:10:46,583
[pop music playing]
245
00:10:46,666 --> 00:10:50,708
♪ Forever say goodbye
To loneliness and heartache ♪
246
00:10:50,833 --> 00:10:52,333
♪ Well, maybe not forever ♪
247
00:10:52,416 --> 00:10:56,208
[Hope] ♪ Tonight's gonna exceed
Every expectation ♪
248
00:10:56,291 --> 00:10:57,291
♪ Within reason ♪
249
00:10:57,375 --> 00:10:59,916
♪ This is destiny, it's fate ♪
250
00:11:00,000 --> 00:11:01,916
♪ Tonight will be your last first date ♪
251
00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:06,375
♪ Or maybe just a pleasant meal
And lively conversation ♪
252
00:11:06,458 --> 00:11:07,541
Oh, come on.
253
00:11:07,625 --> 00:11:09,625
♪ Have a little hope ♪
254
00:11:10,208 --> 00:11:11,916
♪ Let yourself believe ♪
255
00:11:13,166 --> 00:11:17,625
♪ In every wondrous fantasy
You dare conceive ♪
256
00:11:18,416 --> 00:11:20,958
♪ Tonight your dream life will begin ♪
257
00:11:21,041 --> 00:11:23,208
♪ Or maybe not
And you'll just be friends ♪
258
00:11:23,291 --> 00:11:24,125
Uh-uh!
259
00:11:24,208 --> 00:11:26,000
♪ Tonight ♪
260
00:11:26,083 --> 00:11:28,458
♪ Could be tonight ♪
261
00:11:28,541 --> 00:11:30,208
♪ Hope's gonna set you free ♪
262
00:11:30,291 --> 00:11:34,166
- Okay, you do make it sound pretty good.
- It feels good. Give it a try.
263
00:11:34,250 --> 00:11:35,833
All right, all right.
264
00:11:35,916 --> 00:11:39,500
♪ They'll make love all through the night
With primal passion? ♪
265
00:11:39,583 --> 00:11:40,791
Yeah, that's it.
266
00:11:40,875 --> 00:11:44,458
♪ And in the morning
Sail his yacht to paradise ♪
267
00:11:44,541 --> 00:11:46,083
Damn, a yacht?
268
00:11:46,166 --> 00:11:48,458
♪ You'll be his goddess and his queen ♪
269
00:11:48,541 --> 00:11:51,125
♪ When he gives you
That big-ass diamond ring ♪
270
00:11:51,208 --> 00:11:56,291
♪ Yeah, side by side you'll save the world
While sippin' sweet champagne on ice ♪
271
00:11:56,375 --> 00:11:58,333
Oh, it sounds so nice.
272
00:11:59,125 --> 00:12:01,541
♪ Have a little hope ♪
273
00:12:01,625 --> 00:12:04,333
♪ Let your heart run free ♪
274
00:12:04,416 --> 00:12:08,125
♪ Suppress the doubt
Indulge the dream of what might be ♪
275
00:12:08,208 --> 00:12:09,875
♪ Possibility ♪
276
00:12:09,958 --> 00:12:12,416
♪ Forever loved
Forever charmed ♪
277
00:12:12,500 --> 00:12:15,541
♪ Till one day die in each other's arms ♪
278
00:12:15,625 --> 00:12:16,750
Oh, yeah.
279
00:12:16,833 --> 00:12:18,916
[Rochelle] ♪ Could be tonight ♪
280
00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:21,375
[both] ♪ It's gonna be tonight ♪
281
00:12:21,458 --> 00:12:26,250
♪ Hope's gonna set you free ♪
282
00:12:29,791 --> 00:12:31,083
- Hey, Alice.
- Hi, Shawn.
283
00:12:31,166 --> 00:12:32,791
- Shall we?
- [Rochelle] Mmm!
284
00:12:32,875 --> 00:12:35,208
I wish he was wearing the shorts
from the picture,
285
00:12:35,291 --> 00:12:36,571
but he's still cute as a button.
286
00:12:36,625 --> 00:12:40,833
Well, hello. Sounds like someone's
feeling a little hopeful.
287
00:12:40,916 --> 00:12:43,666
Yeah, well. Don't let it go
to your big ol' sparkly titties.
288
00:12:43,750 --> 00:12:45,708
[Hope squeals, laughs]
289
00:12:45,791 --> 00:12:47,625
[Pete] God, I love working late.
290
00:12:47,708 --> 00:12:51,333
No Emmy, no Lionel,
just me and my productivity.
291
00:12:51,416 --> 00:12:52,666
[door creaking]
292
00:12:52,750 --> 00:12:55,250
Hello? Is somebody here?
293
00:12:55,333 --> 00:12:57,041
- [evil laugh]
- Dante?
294
00:12:57,125 --> 00:12:59,333
- Is that you?
- [evil laugh continues]
295
00:12:59,916 --> 00:13:01,333
- [door slams]
- Uh... [chuckles]
296
00:13:01,416 --> 00:13:03,708
No, that's crazy. Dante's in Peru, right?
297
00:13:03,791 --> 00:13:04,851
- [glass shatters]
- [gasps]
298
00:13:04,875 --> 00:13:06,750
- [panting]
- [pulsing sound]
299
00:13:06,833 --> 00:13:09,916
Where is that throbbing noise coming from?
300
00:13:10,000 --> 00:13:12,375
[grunting]
301
00:13:12,458 --> 00:13:13,916
[gasping]
302
00:13:14,000 --> 00:13:15,166
[door creaking]
303
00:13:16,416 --> 00:13:17,583
[gasps]
304
00:13:18,458 --> 00:13:19,708
[grunts]
305
00:13:19,791 --> 00:13:21,166
Oh, my God!
306
00:13:21,250 --> 00:13:24,458
Why did they carpet over
this gorgeous wood?
307
00:13:25,333 --> 00:13:27,958
Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!
308
00:13:28,041 --> 00:13:29,041
No!
309
00:13:29,125 --> 00:13:30,750
No! No! No!
310
00:13:30,833 --> 00:13:32,208
I did what I had to do.
311
00:13:32,291 --> 00:13:34,958
I severed what I had to sever. [gasps]
312
00:13:37,083 --> 00:13:38,541
[snarls]
313
00:13:38,625 --> 00:13:41,208
[yelps, gags]
314
00:13:41,291 --> 00:13:43,666
[gasps, pants]
315
00:13:43,750 --> 00:13:45,791
Thank God. It was just a nightmare.
316
00:13:45,875 --> 00:13:48,166
[gags]
317
00:13:48,250 --> 00:13:49,458
[pants]
318
00:13:49,541 --> 00:13:53,583
A used triple-dick condom
with one sleeve torn off? [gasps]
319
00:13:53,666 --> 00:13:56,208
The dream was real! [screams]
320
00:13:56,958 --> 00:13:59,583
Oh, uh... [chuckles] ...by the way,
I really like your sneakers.
321
00:13:59,666 --> 00:14:01,458
- Oh, thank you.
- Where'd you pick 'em up?
322
00:14:01,541 --> 00:14:04,041
Zappos. I don't leave my house
for anything.
323
00:14:04,125 --> 00:14:06,708
Well, you left for me, apparently.
I'm flattered.
324
00:14:06,791 --> 00:14:10,250
Ooh, look at them vibin'.
That's all you, Ro-Ro.
325
00:14:10,333 --> 00:14:12,625
You were right, Hope.
I needed a girls' night out.
326
00:14:12,708 --> 00:14:15,125
Me too. I feel like
I'm on Sex and the City.
327
00:14:15,208 --> 00:14:17,791
Or is it Sex in the City?
I can never remember.
328
00:14:17,875 --> 00:14:20,375
You know, I had sex with a city once.
329
00:14:20,458 --> 00:14:24,666
Pittsburgh gets a bad rap,
but, girl, it knows how to fuck.
330
00:14:24,750 --> 00:14:26,351
- [Shawn] Ugh, goddamn it.
- [Alice groans]
331
00:14:26,375 --> 00:14:28,851
I'm so sorry. I even called ahead
to make sure they had a ramp.
332
00:14:28,875 --> 00:14:32,541
Oh, no! We're getting cockblocked
by ADA non-compliance.
333
00:14:32,625 --> 00:14:35,125
All cock should be wheelchair accessible.
334
00:14:35,208 --> 00:14:39,250
- Goddamn it. Something always goes wrong.
- Can we just go home?
335
00:14:39,333 --> 00:14:40,833
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, ladies.
336
00:14:40,916 --> 00:14:44,000
Y'all are spiraling more than a staircase.
Look over there.
337
00:14:44,083 --> 00:14:46,333
There's a lovely restaurant
across the street
338
00:14:46,416 --> 00:14:48,208
with a super-cute cement ramp.
339
00:14:48,291 --> 00:14:50,375
- [Rochelle] Ooh!
- That does look romantic.
340
00:14:51,166 --> 00:14:52,500
Yeah, that place looks awesome.
341
00:14:52,583 --> 00:14:54,541
Oh, but there's no TVs in there.
342
00:14:54,625 --> 00:14:56,416
Girl, you can play with my iPad, okay?
343
00:14:56,500 --> 00:14:58,875
Does your iPad
have sports and pornos on it?
344
00:14:58,958 --> 00:15:01,541
- Yeah, it's an iPad.
- All right.
345
00:15:02,625 --> 00:15:07,000
[Guyvin] I'm Guyvin, Gavin's identical
but suspiciously nice twin brother.
346
00:15:07,083 --> 00:15:07,958
Oh, God.
347
00:15:08,041 --> 00:15:11,041
[Guyvin] I wanna take you to coffee...
Gimme a little... closure.
348
00:15:11,125 --> 00:15:12,625
He's gonna kill me.
349
00:15:12,708 --> 00:15:13,708
[screams]
350
00:15:14,583 --> 00:15:16,333
- [Guyvin] Knock, knock.
- [gasps] Gavin!
351
00:15:16,416 --> 00:15:17,791
It's Guyvin, sweetie.
352
00:15:17,875 --> 00:15:19,958
Gavin's my beloved dead brother, remember?
353
00:15:20,041 --> 00:15:24,041
Of course, yes, yes.
Is it, uh... is it coffee time already?
354
00:15:24,125 --> 00:15:28,166
Actually, I thought we could go
up to the roof where he died,
355
00:15:28,250 --> 00:15:31,958
and you could show me
exactly how it happened.
356
00:15:32,041 --> 00:15:34,708
- Up on the roof?
- Just you and me.
357
00:15:34,791 --> 00:15:36,458
Yes, no witnesses.
358
00:15:36,541 --> 00:15:39,583
Well, I don't know what you mean by that,
but, yeah, I guess not.
359
00:15:39,666 --> 00:15:42,208
Oh, God, he really is gonna kill me.
360
00:15:42,291 --> 00:15:46,208
I thought if you could walk me through it,
since you seem to love telling the story,
361
00:15:46,291 --> 00:15:49,083
it might help me
put this whole dead-brother thing to bed.
362
00:15:49,166 --> 00:15:51,541
Oh, yes. Well, that sounds cathartic.
363
00:15:51,625 --> 00:15:53,708
Let me just grab a pashmina.
364
00:15:53,791 --> 00:15:55,416
It gets chilly up there.
365
00:15:55,500 --> 00:15:57,958
Uh, where... Weapon, weapon,
I gotta find a weapon.
366
00:15:58,041 --> 00:16:00,958
[gasps] My Nazi dildos.
367
00:16:01,041 --> 00:16:03,333
Yes, the Blitzkrieg,
368
00:16:03,416 --> 00:16:07,958
the largest and heaviest
of my perfectly normal collection.
369
00:16:08,041 --> 00:16:09,083
Oops. [chuckles]
370
00:16:09,166 --> 00:16:11,833
I almost forgot my pashmina.
371
00:16:11,916 --> 00:16:14,166
It really does get chilly up there.
372
00:16:17,083 --> 00:16:21,083
Oh, there's my book...
where I hide my drugs.
373
00:16:21,166 --> 00:16:22,708
[laughs]
374
00:16:22,791 --> 00:16:23,791
Books are so stupid.
375
00:16:23,875 --> 00:16:25,166
- Emmy, hide with me.
- Ho!
376
00:16:25,250 --> 00:16:26,750
- Dude, what's your problem?
- Uh...
377
00:16:26,833 --> 00:16:28,875
I-I'm pretty sure
Dante is trying to kill me.
378
00:16:28,958 --> 00:16:31,083
[laughs] No way. That's impossible.
379
00:16:31,166 --> 00:16:34,375
Dante's in South America
on some kinda sex safari.
380
00:16:34,458 --> 00:16:36,541
Well then, how do you explain this?
381
00:16:36,625 --> 00:16:39,541
- Okay, brag.
- No, don't you see?
382
00:16:39,625 --> 00:16:43,625
That's a Triton-brand triple-dick condom
with the third shaft torn off.
383
00:16:43,708 --> 00:16:45,208
And I found it in my throat.
384
00:16:45,291 --> 00:16:48,541
- Been there, choked on that, brother.
- Emmy, I'm serious.
385
00:16:48,625 --> 00:16:51,333
Okay, dude, just chill. Jeez.
386
00:16:51,416 --> 00:16:53,500
Dante really is out of town.
387
00:16:53,583 --> 00:16:57,541
Oh! And I think he just got engaged
to this gorgeous llama.
388
00:16:57,625 --> 00:17:00,541
But how do you explain the condom?
I woke up with it in my mouth.
389
00:17:00,625 --> 00:17:02,833
Well, I-I read a science article once
390
00:17:02,916 --> 00:17:06,666
that said we unknowingly swallow
four to five full condoms
391
00:17:06,750 --> 00:17:08,000
in our sleep every year.
392
00:17:08,083 --> 00:17:09,583
Uh, that seems inaccurate.
393
00:17:09,666 --> 00:17:13,416
So what, you think Dante
came all the way back from Peru,
394
00:17:13,500 --> 00:17:17,333
interrupting his llama-lingus,
just to shove a condom in your throat?
395
00:17:17,416 --> 00:17:18,500
Come on, man.
396
00:17:18,583 --> 00:17:19,416
Huh...
397
00:17:19,500 --> 00:17:23,333
I guess when you say it like that,
it does sound a little far-fetched.
398
00:17:23,416 --> 00:17:26,375
Exactly. I'm the voice of reason.
399
00:17:26,458 --> 00:17:29,541
Now, if you're not gonna use that condom,
I will, so hand her over.
400
00:17:29,625 --> 00:17:31,208
Emmy, you can't reuse a condom.
401
00:17:31,291 --> 00:17:33,601
Well, I read a science article once
that actually said you...
402
00:17:33,625 --> 00:17:36,375
Kids, I am morally obligated to tell you
403
00:17:36,458 --> 00:17:38,583
you can never reuse a condom,
404
00:17:38,666 --> 00:17:43,708
unless of course those condoms
are Dr. Maury's Reusable Dong Sleeves.
405
00:17:43,791 --> 00:17:47,916
The hog hats so nice,
you can junk in them twice.
406
00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:50,250
- [Shawn] What? No way.
- [Alice] I'm serious.
407
00:17:50,333 --> 00:17:53,125
That's the one thing
you wish people would get from your work?
408
00:17:53,208 --> 00:17:55,791
Yeah. Everybody needs
to chill the fuck out.
409
00:17:55,875 --> 00:17:56,958
Okay. Damn.
410
00:17:57,041 --> 00:18:01,875
Disabled people do not need your pity,
especially me. I'm fucking perfect.
411
00:18:01,958 --> 00:18:05,375
[chuckles] You are. I knew it as soon as
you ordered fries for the table.
412
00:18:05,458 --> 00:18:08,458
Ooh! This guy is perfect for you.
413
00:18:08,541 --> 00:18:11,041
He likes your sneakers, he likes fries...
414
00:18:11,125 --> 00:18:14,541
If he likes giving oral,
I am marrying him.
415
00:18:14,625 --> 00:18:16,375
Girl, you should marry him.
416
00:18:16,458 --> 00:18:18,916
Oral is the bedrock of a good marriage.
417
00:18:19,000 --> 00:18:21,958
Damn, I kinda love
seeing Alice so excited about a man.
418
00:18:22,041 --> 00:18:24,708
See? I told you all she needed
was a little Hope.
419
00:18:24,791 --> 00:18:27,625
And I've barely thought about
how Dante tricked me into loving him,
420
00:18:27,708 --> 00:18:28,958
that no-good motherfucker.
421
00:18:29,041 --> 00:18:32,166
Girl, don't you go there.
We all get tricked sometimes.
422
00:18:32,250 --> 00:18:34,708
I once fell for
this brilliant young blonde.
423
00:18:34,791 --> 00:18:37,625
She said she was gonna heal the world
with one drop of blood.
424
00:18:37,708 --> 00:18:41,958
This bitch ended up defrauding
a small country's worth of investors.
425
00:18:42,041 --> 00:18:44,416
- You talking about that Theranos girl?
- The point is,
426
00:18:44,500 --> 00:18:47,958
you never know what's gonna happen
until it happens.
427
00:18:48,041 --> 00:18:51,083
And never trust anyone
who only wears turtlenecks.
428
00:18:51,166 --> 00:18:53,958
Hi. We're so sorry to bother you.
429
00:18:54,041 --> 00:18:56,166
- So don't?
- Yeah, please scram.
430
00:18:56,250 --> 00:18:59,958
But we just wanted to say
what an inspiration you are.
431
00:19:00,041 --> 00:19:01,416
Oh, you know my work?
432
00:19:01,500 --> 00:19:05,083
Oh, no. No, um...
I'm glad that you work, though.
433
00:19:05,166 --> 00:19:06,833
So brave. So inspiring.
434
00:19:06,916 --> 00:19:08,833
They are who I'm talking about.
435
00:19:08,916 --> 00:19:11,458
It's just so great
to see you out and about.
436
00:19:11,541 --> 00:19:13,166
Is this your helper? Your brother?
437
00:19:13,250 --> 00:19:15,125
They need to chill the fuck out.
438
00:19:15,208 --> 00:19:18,041
No, they don't need to chill out,
they need to fuck off.
439
00:19:18,125 --> 00:19:20,958
Excuse me, you guys
are being ableist assholes right now.
440
00:19:21,041 --> 00:19:22,125
[Hope] You tell 'em, Shawn.
441
00:19:22,208 --> 00:19:25,833
And for your information, she's
a celebrated disability rights activist.
442
00:19:25,916 --> 00:19:28,083
And I'm not her helper, I'm her colleague.
443
00:19:28,166 --> 00:19:29,416
- What'd you say?
- Colleague?
444
00:19:29,500 --> 00:19:31,833
Did he just say they were colleagues?
445
00:19:31,916 --> 00:19:33,166
What the fuck, Rochelle?
446
00:19:33,250 --> 00:19:36,416
- What the fuck, Hope?
- Oh, shit. That's not good.
447
00:19:36,500 --> 00:19:41,000
Just so you know, I'm actually an ally.
My mother lost a finger fishing.
448
00:19:41,083 --> 00:19:42,458
Oh, God. Don't bow.
449
00:19:43,166 --> 00:19:46,708
So you're telling me
my brother, the bravest monster I know,
450
00:19:46,791 --> 00:19:50,083
urinated himself in fear,
accidentally slipped in it,
451
00:19:50,166 --> 00:19:51,666
and then fell off the building?
452
00:19:51,750 --> 00:19:54,208
Yes, yes, that's right.
453
00:19:54,291 --> 00:19:56,250
Gosh, that sounds like
something I would do.
454
00:19:56,333 --> 00:19:58,750
I've always been
the scaredy-cat in the family.
455
00:19:58,833 --> 00:20:00,291
Oh, come off it, Gavin.
456
00:20:00,375 --> 00:20:02,416
I told you, buddy. I'm Guyvin.
457
00:20:02,500 --> 00:20:06,625
Enough of the mindfucking.
Admit it, you bastard.
458
00:20:06,708 --> 00:20:07,750
Whoa! What are you doing?
459
00:20:07,833 --> 00:20:09,458
I know it's you, Gavin,
460
00:20:09,541 --> 00:20:13,250
back to get your revenge on me
for lying about your heroic death
461
00:20:13,333 --> 00:20:16,083
and claiming the glory for myself.
462
00:20:16,166 --> 00:20:18,875
- [gasps] Is that true?
- We both know it is.
463
00:20:18,958 --> 00:20:22,625
I'm a chicken-shit coward liar.
464
00:20:22,708 --> 00:20:23,958
- Oh, Lionel.
- [sobbing]
465
00:20:24,041 --> 00:20:26,625
I can see this has been
tearing you up inside.
466
00:20:26,708 --> 00:20:29,625
Yes, yes, like the Blitzkrieg. Wait, what?
467
00:20:29,708 --> 00:20:33,541
Oh, I feel terrible for you.
That's a lot to keep to yourself.
468
00:20:33,625 --> 00:20:35,583
So you're not upset?
469
00:20:35,666 --> 00:20:38,000
No, no. If anything, I'm relieved.
470
00:20:38,083 --> 00:20:41,666
This is the closure I needed,
and it sounds like maybe you did too.
471
00:20:41,750 --> 00:20:43,958
Yes, yes, perhaps I did.
472
00:20:44,041 --> 00:20:46,583
Wow, you actually are Guyvin,
473
00:20:46,666 --> 00:20:50,500
Gavin's identical
but suspiciously nice twin brother.
474
00:20:50,583 --> 00:20:53,083
Aw, bring it in, my fellow scaredy-cat.
475
00:20:53,166 --> 00:20:55,000
With pleasure, Guyvin.
476
00:20:55,083 --> 00:20:56,875
- Oh, my pashmina!
- I can't see!
477
00:20:56,958 --> 00:20:58,333
I'm afraid of the dark!
478
00:20:58,416 --> 00:21:01,208
- Oh, and now I'm panic-pissing.
- Oh, dear.
479
00:21:01,291 --> 00:21:03,916
The pashmina! The piss!
The pashmina and the piss!
480
00:21:04,000 --> 00:21:05,583
I know you can't see, Guyvin,
481
00:21:05,666 --> 00:21:09,125
but you're really getting
quite close to the edge. Oh!
482
00:21:09,208 --> 00:21:11,458
- And he's gone.
- [Guyvin screams]
483
00:21:12,625 --> 00:21:13,458
[thud]
484
00:21:13,541 --> 00:21:17,791
Well, that takes care
of that family, I hope.
485
00:21:19,041 --> 00:21:20,583
[Alice] Guys, what the fuck?
486
00:21:20,666 --> 00:21:24,125
- He called her his fucking colleague.
- I thought this was a date.
487
00:21:24,208 --> 00:21:27,041
What do we do? Freak out?
I think we should freak out.
488
00:21:27,125 --> 00:21:28,666
Freak out on three? One, two...
489
00:21:28,750 --> 00:21:30,375
No, I'm just gonna ask him.
490
00:21:30,458 --> 00:21:34,125
So, Shawn, why exactly
did you ask me out to dinner?
491
00:21:34,208 --> 00:21:36,875
Oh, yeah. I was kinda hoping
I could pick your brain.
492
00:21:36,958 --> 00:21:38,791
- Ouch.
- "Pick your brain"?
493
00:21:38,875 --> 00:21:42,416
I would not have put on my bra
just to let him pick my brain.
494
00:21:42,500 --> 00:21:47,208
You're supposed to be picking her pussy,
you pickle-pulling non-pussy picker.
495
00:21:47,291 --> 00:21:50,750
I mean, when I told my girlfriend that
we were having dinner, she freaked out.
496
00:21:50,833 --> 00:21:51,833
She loves you.
497
00:21:51,875 --> 00:21:54,166
And he has a girlfriend?
What are you doing?
498
00:21:54,250 --> 00:21:56,000
Girl, he's not into her.
499
00:21:56,083 --> 00:21:58,333
- So you're bailing on us?
- You can't leave now.
500
00:21:58,416 --> 00:22:00,041
The Shawn just hit the fan.
501
00:22:00,125 --> 00:22:03,291
Ladies, I actually have
another client who needs me.
502
00:22:03,375 --> 00:22:06,791
- And if you must know, it is Joe Biden.
- The fuck?
503
00:22:06,875 --> 00:22:10,708
But that's okay, because I promise y'all,
I will be back soon.
504
00:22:10,791 --> 00:22:11,625
[grunts]
505
00:22:11,708 --> 00:22:15,000
Anyway, I thought maybe
you can connect me with your publisher?
506
00:22:15,083 --> 00:22:17,541
- What do I do?
- Drag his ass.
507
00:22:17,625 --> 00:22:19,458
So, Shawn, I'm gonna stop you right there.
508
00:22:19,541 --> 00:22:22,000
Colleagues do not slide
into each other's DMs.
509
00:22:22,083 --> 00:22:24,916
This dinner?
Could have been a fucking email.
510
00:22:25,000 --> 00:22:28,666
And you're not even colleagues.
He has a shitty blog no one reads.
511
00:22:28,750 --> 00:22:31,000
But yes, you can have
my publisher's contact.
512
00:22:31,083 --> 00:22:31,916
Oh, great.
513
00:22:32,000 --> 00:22:33,642
- Wanna write this down?
- Yeah, of course.
514
00:22:33,666 --> 00:22:38,625
She's at SuckMyButt@LickMyBalls.com.
515
00:22:38,708 --> 00:22:40,375
That's right, motherfucker.
516
00:22:40,458 --> 00:22:42,500
- Wait, where are you going?
- I'm going home.
517
00:22:42,583 --> 00:22:44,625
And you're going on the list.
518
00:22:44,708 --> 00:22:45,833
- What list?
- The list.
519
00:22:45,916 --> 00:22:50,625
And it's not like Craigslist.
It's not fuckin' cool to be on this one.
520
00:22:51,208 --> 00:22:53,958
Ladies, I can't believe
I thought this was a date.
521
00:22:54,041 --> 00:22:58,041
No, baby girl, this is not your fault.
I let Hope get my guard down.
522
00:22:58,125 --> 00:23:00,333
Me too. What did I expect?
523
00:23:00,416 --> 00:23:02,625
- [thunderclap]
- [demonic voice] That's it!
524
00:23:02,708 --> 00:23:04,333
Rochelle. Where you going?
525
00:23:04,416 --> 00:23:07,166
I am gonna whoop Hope's ass.
526
00:23:12,333 --> 00:23:14,583
- [gasps]
- [screaming]
527
00:23:14,666 --> 00:23:16,041
[screaming in slow-motion]
528
00:23:18,041 --> 00:23:21,500
[in slow-motion] Dante's dick?
529
00:23:25,208 --> 00:23:26,958
Hey, man, you okay?
530
00:23:27,041 --> 00:23:28,458
- Did you see that?
- See what?
531
00:23:28,541 --> 00:23:30,791
A penis was driving that... penis.
532
00:23:30,875 --> 00:23:32,333
[pants]
533
00:23:34,416 --> 00:23:36,041
[pants]
534
00:23:36,125 --> 00:23:37,333
Okay, safe and sound.
535
00:23:37,416 --> 00:23:38,666
[screams]
536
00:23:38,750 --> 00:23:41,708
"I know what you did last season"?
537
00:23:41,791 --> 00:23:42,791
Is this...
538
00:23:42,875 --> 00:23:44,958
Oh, God, it's jizz!
539
00:23:45,041 --> 00:23:46,333
[screams]
540
00:23:46,416 --> 00:23:47,958
[gasping]
541
00:23:48,041 --> 00:23:50,375
"I had extra cum."
542
00:23:50,458 --> 00:23:51,958
Oh, gross!
543
00:23:52,041 --> 00:23:53,791
- [snarls]
- Ooh!
544
00:23:57,625 --> 00:23:58,500
[grunts]
545
00:23:58,583 --> 00:24:00,708
[grunting]
546
00:24:05,125 --> 00:24:07,000
[groaning]
547
00:24:07,083 --> 00:24:08,666
[straining]
548
00:24:12,250 --> 00:24:14,708
- [grunting]
- [snarling]
549
00:24:17,833 --> 00:24:19,750
[sighs, gasps]
550
00:24:21,291 --> 00:24:23,125
- [somber music playing]
- [sobbing]
551
00:24:23,208 --> 00:24:24,541
It's dead, Pete.
552
00:24:25,041 --> 00:24:29,458
Dante's penis can't hurt you anymore.
[sobs]
553
00:24:30,583 --> 00:24:33,791
Come on, Kamala. March in there
and wake Sleepy Joe the fuck up.
554
00:24:33,875 --> 00:24:35,791
But, Petra, I don't understand.
555
00:24:35,875 --> 00:24:38,125
Why can't we just use
the printer in my office?
556
00:24:38,208 --> 00:24:39,791
Because Inkjet One
557
00:24:39,875 --> 00:24:42,458
is the most powerful printer
in the free world.
558
00:24:42,541 --> 00:24:44,125
Where the hell is she?
559
00:24:44,208 --> 00:24:46,250
Oh, man, this is gonna be good.
560
00:24:46,333 --> 00:24:48,125
- It's okay, Joe.
- [sobs]
561
00:24:48,208 --> 00:24:51,125
The Shamrock Shake will be back next year.
562
00:24:51,208 --> 00:24:53,250
[demonic voice] How fucking dare you!
563
00:24:53,333 --> 00:24:55,083
Oh, girl, no. Not here.
564
00:24:55,166 --> 00:24:57,916
[normal voice] How could you walk out
in the middle of Alice's date?
565
00:24:58,000 --> 00:24:59,125
You're such a fucking flake.
566
00:24:59,208 --> 00:25:02,125
- I'm not doin' this with you, Rochelle.
- And why the hell not?
567
00:25:02,208 --> 00:25:05,416
Because this,
all this anger and hopelessness,
568
00:25:05,500 --> 00:25:07,083
has nothing to do with me.
569
00:25:07,166 --> 00:25:08,083
Excuse me?!
570
00:25:08,166 --> 00:25:11,208
This is about you
feeling sorry for yourself.
571
00:25:11,291 --> 00:25:13,791
The only person I feel sorry for is Alice.
572
00:25:13,875 --> 00:25:16,475
Getting her goddamn hopes up
like those fake-ass titties of yours.
573
00:25:16,500 --> 00:25:17,333
[laughs]
574
00:25:17,416 --> 00:25:19,500
Okay, first of all, these are real.
575
00:25:19,583 --> 00:25:20,791
Yeah, real fake.
576
00:25:20,875 --> 00:25:23,875
And I'm sorry that guy
turned out to be an asshole.
577
00:25:23,958 --> 00:25:27,250
But Alice doesn't need your pity.
She said so herself.
578
00:25:27,333 --> 00:25:29,708
What she needs is a Lovebug
579
00:25:29,791 --> 00:25:32,750
who doesn't go to pieces
when things don't go her way.
580
00:25:32,833 --> 00:25:34,333
Don't you dare leave again.
581
00:25:34,416 --> 00:25:36,875
I love you, girl. You're my sister.
582
00:25:36,958 --> 00:25:40,958
And I wish I could stay, I really do,
but I simply cannot.
583
00:25:41,458 --> 00:25:44,041
[guttural yell]
584
00:25:44,750 --> 00:25:46,250
Hey, not cool, man.
585
00:25:46,333 --> 00:25:48,583
[growls] Fuck you, Joe Biden.
586
00:25:48,666 --> 00:25:50,958
Aw, you can't lose hope, little lady.
587
00:25:51,041 --> 00:25:56,708
But I can fucking hate that bitch!
588
00:25:56,791 --> 00:25:58,000
Fuck yeah!
589
00:25:58,083 --> 00:25:59,333
["F.W.T.B." by Yonaka playing]
590
00:25:59,416 --> 00:26:01,666
♪ You're fucking with the boss now! ♪
591
00:26:03,083 --> 00:26:04,583
[chilling music playing]
592
00:26:06,083 --> 00:26:08,833
[panting]
593
00:26:08,916 --> 00:26:09,791
[snarls]
594
00:26:09,875 --> 00:26:11,833
♪ You're fucking with the boss now! ♪
595
00:26:12,583 --> 00:26:14,458
♪ You're fucking with the boss now! ♪
596
00:26:14,541 --> 00:26:18,166
♪ Hush, hush, legs crossed
Fucking with the boss now! ♪
597
00:26:19,166 --> 00:26:21,500
♪ You're fucking with the boss now! ♪
598
00:26:22,416 --> 00:26:24,416
♪ You're fucking with the boss now! ♪
599
00:26:25,708 --> 00:26:27,500
♪ You're fucking with the boss now! ♪
600
00:26:27,583 --> 00:26:31,541
♪ Hush, hush, legs crossed
Fucking with the boss now! ♪
601
00:26:32,333 --> 00:26:34,666
♪ You're fucking with the boss now! ♪
602
00:26:35,500 --> 00:26:37,416
♪ You're fucking with the boss now! ♪
603
00:26:38,750 --> 00:26:40,583
♪ You're fucking with the boss now! ♪
604
00:26:40,666 --> 00:26:44,208
♪ Hush, hush, legs crossed
Fucking with the boss now! ♪
605
00:26:49,541 --> 00:26:52,375
♪ Fucking with the boss now! ♪
606
00:26:52,425 --> 00:26:56,975
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