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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,936 --> 00:00:05,081 [Dennis] You better have a good reason for getting us out of bed this early, jerk. 2 00:00:05,105 --> 00:00:09,174 I got a goddamn great reason for getting you out of bed. This bar is hemorrhaging money. 3 00:00:09,242 --> 00:00:12,089 You gotta spend money to make money. Economics 101, dude. 4 00:00:12,113 --> 00:00:16,381 You're bleeding us to death, especially with that company credit card you got. 5 00:00:16,450 --> 00:00:20,352 That is for business expenses, Frank. Everything on there is a business expense. 6 00:00:20,420 --> 00:00:24,255 Who spent $500 for laser hair removal? 7 00:00:24,324 --> 00:00:26,136 Right over here, slick. Don't wanna have hair down there. 8 00:00:26,160 --> 00:00:27,870 You know what I'm saying? Yeah. 9 00:00:27,894 --> 00:00:30,139 Who spent $5,000 for a samurai sword? 10 00:00:30,163 --> 00:00:33,298 Your head of security. Yeah. Just wait till he saves your life one day with it. 11 00:00:33,367 --> 00:00:34,966 $6,000 on a camcorder. 12 00:00:35,035 --> 00:00:36,746 Well, I've decided what I'm gonna do... 13 00:00:36,770 --> 00:00:38,614 is I'm going to take all those hilarious characters... 14 00:00:38,638 --> 00:00:40,483 that I've been creating over the past several years... 15 00:00:40,507 --> 00:00:43,175 I'm gonna put 'em on tape. I'm gonna put 'em on YouTube. 16 00:00:43,243 --> 00:00:45,843 That way I can get discovered by a casting director or producer, 17 00:00:45,912 --> 00:00:47,690 get some kind of a TV development deal. 18 00:00:47,714 --> 00:00:50,560 Yeah, right. So the point is, Frank, is that these are all business expenses. 19 00:00:50,584 --> 00:00:52,562 See? I mean, some are definitely more realistic than others. 20 00:00:52,586 --> 00:00:54,319 Yeah, not that one. No, not at all. 21 00:00:54,388 --> 00:00:57,155 But nonetheless, it was, I believe, bought as a business expense, so... 22 00:00:57,223 --> 00:01:00,825 They're not business expenses. What I bought is a business expense. 23 00:01:00,894 --> 00:01:03,695 What I bought is something that's gonna save our asses. 24 00:01:03,764 --> 00:01:06,331 Okay. Yeah. All right. All right. What'd you get? 25 00:01:06,399 --> 00:01:08,467 I bought a billboard. 26 00:01:41,768 --> 00:01:44,736 Okay, so I'm thinking we write on the billboard in nice big letters, 27 00:01:44,805 --> 00:01:47,772 "We have two for one drink specials on Thursdays." 28 00:01:47,841 --> 00:01:50,787 And on the bottom, you got a hilarious picture of Greenman kicking someone in the nuts. 29 00:01:50,811 --> 00:01:54,078 And people go, "Hey, what's this wacky place? Where can I have those drinks?" 30 00:01:54,147 --> 00:01:57,394 It is absolutely astonishing how bad your ideas are. How is that a bad idea? 31 00:01:57,418 --> 00:01:59,495 Go sit down. The adults are working. Really? 32 00:01:59,519 --> 00:02:01,765 Okay. When we need a child, we'll call you. 33 00:02:01,789 --> 00:02:04,022 - Woo-hoo! - Now, Dennis, you and I on the same team... 34 00:02:04,091 --> 00:02:06,224 Hot chick up on the billboard, sex sells, boom. 35 00:02:06,293 --> 00:02:08,004 Oh, absolutely. It's Advertising 101. 36 00:02:08,028 --> 00:02:09,739 Long legs, taut breasts and tight poopers. 37 00:02:09,763 --> 00:02:11,641 I'm just gonna jump in here real quick and point out... 38 00:02:11,665 --> 00:02:13,209 that this is the point in the conversation... 39 00:02:13,233 --> 00:02:15,178 where I would volunteer to be the girl on the billboard, 40 00:02:15,202 --> 00:02:17,514 and then you guys would talk about how ugly you think I am... 41 00:02:17,538 --> 00:02:20,383 - and compare me to some sort of giant bird. - You look so much like a bird. 42 00:02:20,407 --> 00:02:22,767 Dennis, I was thinking fish recently. Really? 43 00:02:22,809 --> 00:02:25,355 Yeah. Her eyes are so far apart, they're, like, on the sides of her head. 44 00:02:25,379 --> 00:02:27,089 Okay. Okay. But I don't wanna be on your billboard. 45 00:02:27,113 --> 00:02:29,692 I'm not gonna ask to be because you wouldn't let me be on it anyway. 46 00:02:29,716 --> 00:02:31,427 That's sensible of you not to ask. [Mac] God, no. 47 00:02:31,451 --> 00:02:34,319 For the love of God, there's no way you would be up on that billboard. 48 00:02:34,388 --> 00:02:36,599 - That is never gonna happen! - Let me get the point out! 49 00:02:36,623 --> 00:02:38,401 The point is... Anything's better than you. 50 00:02:38,425 --> 00:02:40,504 I don't wanna be on your billboard, and I'll tell you why. 51 00:02:40,528 --> 00:02:42,027 I'm gonna take one of my characters, 52 00:02:42,095 --> 00:02:45,229 and I'm gonna launch a viral video and promote Paddy's myself. 53 00:02:45,298 --> 00:02:47,543 A viral video? There's about a billion of those on YouTube. 54 00:02:47,567 --> 00:02:50,613 - Who gives a shit, Dee? - Oh, you think anybody gives a shit about a billboard? 55 00:02:50,637 --> 00:02:52,304 Uh, wake up, donkeys. 56 00:02:52,373 --> 00:02:54,917 The Internet is where it's at, and I'm going to be an Internet sensation. 57 00:02:54,941 --> 00:02:57,854 You know, you're totally right. And if you don't mind, I'm gonna come with you. 58 00:02:57,878 --> 00:03:01,213 Maybe I can throw Greenman into a couple of your videos, you know, and work it out. 59 00:03:01,281 --> 00:03:03,659 That'll get a lot of hits, I think. You can help me out, Charlie, 60 00:03:03,683 --> 00:03:06,329 but we're not gonna put Greenman into anything. Well, we'll see about that. 61 00:03:06,353 --> 00:03:07,931 We won't see about that. Well, we will. 62 00:03:07,955 --> 00:03:09,765 Mm-mmm. All right. Uh, later, dudes. 63 00:03:09,789 --> 00:03:13,892 S.U. in your A's, don't wear a "C" and "J" all over your B's. 64 00:03:13,961 --> 00:03:15,961 Why would he not wear a "C"? 65 00:03:16,029 --> 00:03:18,475 I don't even know what he's talking about half the time, bro. 66 00:03:18,499 --> 00:03:20,009 [Mac] Hey, Frank. Glad you're here, bro. 67 00:03:20,033 --> 00:03:22,111 We're talkin' billboard ideas. Yeah. 68 00:03:22,135 --> 00:03:25,115 Don't waste your time. I know what the billboard's gonna look like already. 69 00:03:25,139 --> 00:03:28,907 Two gorgeous girls up there, giant cans, 70 00:03:28,976 --> 00:03:30,687 me in the middle with my thumbs up. 71 00:03:30,711 --> 00:03:32,521 - Yeah! - Well, that's just simply not gonna happen. 72 00:03:32,545 --> 00:03:34,645 Uh, actually, maybe Frank has a point, dude. 73 00:03:34,714 --> 00:03:37,382 Maybe we should put a dude up there. Certainly not him. 74 00:03:37,451 --> 00:03:40,163 But if we put some hot beefcake up there, maybe it'll attract more chicks. 75 00:03:40,187 --> 00:03:41,797 Yeah, that's a good point. Okay, I like that. 76 00:03:41,821 --> 00:03:43,599 You know what? Let's slap my picture up there. 77 00:03:43,623 --> 00:03:46,002 It's about time I got my modeling career off the ground anyway. 78 00:03:46,026 --> 00:03:49,106 Don't flatter yourself. You're not gonna be up there... 79 00:03:49,163 --> 00:03:52,097 because I am gonna be the face of Paddy's Bar. 80 00:03:52,165 --> 00:03:54,700 That's ridiculous, Frank. You're, um, 81 00:03:54,768 --> 00:03:55,967 ugly. 82 00:03:56,036 --> 00:03:58,203 - What? - Ugly. 83 00:03:58,271 --> 00:03:59,682 - I'm ugly? - Yeah. 84 00:03:59,706 --> 00:04:02,841 With that anteater nose, you're telling me I'm ugly? 85 00:04:02,910 --> 00:04:06,711 My nose was chiseled by the gods themselves, Frank. 86 00:04:06,780 --> 00:04:10,816 My body was sculpted to the proportions of Michelangelo's David. 87 00:04:10,884 --> 00:04:15,186 You, on the other hand... Well, you're a pit of despair. 88 00:04:15,255 --> 00:04:18,223 Frank, you disgust me. 89 00:04:18,292 --> 00:04:20,558 You disgust everyone. 90 00:04:20,627 --> 00:04:25,864 And you will never, ever, be on that billboard. 91 00:04:32,806 --> 00:04:34,806 [Irish Accent] Good morning, Philadelphia. 92 00:04:34,875 --> 00:04:38,409 I'm Crazy Paddy, and I'm coming to you from Paddy's Pub, 93 00:04:38,478 --> 00:04:42,413 telling you to come on down, where we're slashing prices so low, 94 00:04:42,482 --> 00:04:44,716 you won't need a pot of gold to get sloppy. 95 00:04:44,784 --> 00:04:49,220 So come on down to Paddy's. It's insane! 96 00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:51,167 What is that? [No Accent] Did you like that? 97 00:04:51,191 --> 00:04:53,970 No. That's not what YouTube videos are like. Oh, that's a great character. 98 00:04:53,994 --> 00:04:57,240 No, that's a bad commercial you'd see on the cable network or something. 99 00:04:57,264 --> 00:04:59,842 Maybe you didn't get it. I'm crazy 'cause I'm pricing the beer too low. 100 00:04:59,866 --> 00:05:03,534 Mmm, I think I got it. The beer's too low for what average beer prices should be. 101 00:05:03,603 --> 00:05:06,982 You know what? Let's just do it again. Maybe throw in some more jokes or something. You know? 102 00:05:07,006 --> 00:05:09,219 Make it a little funnier. Make it funnier. You're absolutely right. 103 00:05:09,243 --> 00:05:10,786 You can make it funny. You're a funny girl. 104 00:05:10,810 --> 00:05:11,921 You ready? Mm-hmm. 105 00:05:11,945 --> 00:05:15,213 Good morning, Philadelphia. I'm Crazy Pad... 106 00:05:15,282 --> 00:05:17,448 [Laughs] Oh! 107 00:05:17,517 --> 00:05:19,784 Oh, my God. 108 00:05:19,853 --> 00:05:23,121 Why? Now that was funny! Dee, that's awesome. 109 00:05:23,190 --> 00:05:25,267 Why would you do that? That's what YouTube video is. 110 00:05:25,291 --> 00:05:27,570 Are you insane? You ever see the little girl who's mashing the grapes... 111 00:05:27,594 --> 00:05:30,206 and then slips and she's, like... Why would you do that, Charlie? 112 00:05:30,230 --> 00:05:32,475 That's what people wanna see! Oh, my God! 113 00:05:32,499 --> 00:05:36,267 People getting injured or seriously hurt... That's funny! 114 00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:38,748 Okay? Let's just do this. This is... 115 00:05:38,772 --> 00:05:41,072 Trust me. This is what gets hits on YouTube. 116 00:05:41,141 --> 00:05:43,219 All right. Are you ready? Yeah. I was ready from the... 117 00:05:43,243 --> 00:05:45,977 Stop talking! [Sighs] 118 00:05:46,045 --> 00:05:48,679 I'm Crazy Paddy... No. Okay. 119 00:05:48,748 --> 00:05:51,182 Okay. I'm Crazy Paddy... 120 00:05:51,251 --> 00:05:52,729 [Grunts] What are you doing? 121 00:05:52,753 --> 00:05:54,597 You're flinching every time now. Oh, I'm sorry. 122 00:05:54,621 --> 00:05:57,522 I can't concentrate when I'm about to get blasted in the face with a ball! 123 00:05:57,590 --> 00:05:59,569 I'll blast you all over if you flinch again. 124 00:05:59,593 --> 00:06:01,292 Don't... Let's just do this. 125 00:06:01,361 --> 00:06:03,072 Let's just do this. Action! These... 126 00:06:03,096 --> 00:06:04,773 [Screams] Goddamn! Oh! Yeah! 127 00:06:04,797 --> 00:06:06,342 Goddamn! That was funny. 128 00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:08,278 I don't like it, Charlie! I don't think it's funny... 129 00:06:08,302 --> 00:06:09,801 Yeah! It's too much. 130 00:06:09,870 --> 00:06:11,630 It's too much. It just hurts too bad. 131 00:06:14,975 --> 00:06:18,576 Bro, can you believe how many hot chicks showed up... 132 00:06:18,645 --> 00:06:20,445 for a casting call for a billboard? 133 00:06:20,513 --> 00:06:22,391 How have we not done this before? Yeah. Yeah, man. 134 00:06:22,415 --> 00:06:25,394 Plus, think about it. Dennis Reynolds, 40 feet tall and shirtless. 135 00:06:25,418 --> 00:06:27,163 [Door Opens] Oh! It's gonna be so perfect. 136 00:06:27,187 --> 00:06:29,788 Let's go. Just take your places over there. 137 00:06:29,856 --> 00:06:31,868 - Frank, what are you doing? - We're lookin' for models, right? 138 00:06:31,892 --> 00:06:34,804 Yeah. I went on a stud hunt. I came back with beefcakes. 139 00:06:34,828 --> 00:06:37,173 What are you talkin' about, Frank? I'm the male model. 140 00:06:37,197 --> 00:06:39,897 Uh, Rex. Rex. Here you go. 141 00:06:39,966 --> 00:06:41,944 What's Rex for? We don't need Rex. 142 00:06:41,968 --> 00:06:44,481 Take your shirt off. Come on. You don't need to take your shirt off. 143 00:06:44,505 --> 00:06:46,049 - [Whistles] - Okay. Well, if you're looking for that. 144 00:06:46,073 --> 00:06:47,783 - [Cackles] Now that... - That's what you want. 145 00:06:47,807 --> 00:06:49,885 That is what you call stallion. [Mac] That is a stallion. 146 00:06:49,909 --> 00:06:52,488 I didn't know you guys were lookin' for a stallion. I'm a stallion... 147 00:06:52,512 --> 00:06:54,245 Ooh! Dennis. Uh... [Groans] 148 00:06:54,314 --> 00:06:55,880 You think Frank's got a point here? 149 00:06:55,949 --> 00:06:57,982 I don't think he has a point. I'm a stallion. 150 00:06:58,051 --> 00:07:00,351 Uh... [Groaning] 151 00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:03,788 All right. This is messy. Um, look, buddy. 152 00:07:03,856 --> 00:07:07,092 2003 Dennis... Okay, he was Grade "A" prime beefcake. 153 00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:09,026 No one is disputing that. He was a stallion. 154 00:07:09,096 --> 00:07:11,696 But 2008 Dennis is in decline. 155 00:07:11,765 --> 00:07:15,166 Take a look at Rex here. That is a body that just won't quit. 156 00:07:15,235 --> 00:07:18,670 I bet if you pop those pants off, you're gonna find a bird that just won't quit either, 157 00:07:18,739 --> 00:07:20,905 and I think that'll come in handy in this situation. 158 00:07:20,974 --> 00:07:25,543 I think the problem here is that your body quit. Your bird quit. 159 00:07:25,611 --> 00:07:27,411 And unfortunately, it's no longer legit. 160 00:07:27,480 --> 00:07:29,092 What the hell are you talking about? My bird? 161 00:07:29,116 --> 00:07:30,927 All right. Let's get back to... To business here. 162 00:07:30,951 --> 00:07:35,086 Attention, ladies! I'm gonna need all the "A" cups to please head for the back door. 163 00:07:37,457 --> 00:07:39,169 [Dee] Charlie, are you ready with the camera? 164 00:07:39,193 --> 00:07:41,437 Yeah. I'm trying to set it up. It takes a second, Dee. 165 00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:43,739 Yeah. All right. Who the hell is this character that you're doing? 166 00:07:43,763 --> 00:07:46,564 Oh, this one? It's a really great one. Her name's Martina Martinez, 167 00:07:46,633 --> 00:07:48,733 and she is a streetwise Puerto Rican girl... 168 00:07:48,802 --> 00:07:51,903 - who's always quick with a sassy comeback. - Are you serious? 169 00:07:51,972 --> 00:07:54,717 Yes. It's awesome. Let's go over what we're doing again. I go up. I talk. 170 00:07:54,741 --> 00:07:57,941 You come in with the volleyball, you hit him in the face and you get out of there. 171 00:07:57,978 --> 00:08:00,523 Okay. I'm gonna hit a random person in the face with a volleyball. 172 00:08:00,547 --> 00:08:03,147 But don't come in too early, 'cause I got some material I wanna do, 173 00:08:03,216 --> 00:08:04,882 and I don't want you to cut me off. 174 00:08:04,951 --> 00:08:07,830 Because Saturday Night Live is gonna really... I think they're gonna love... 175 00:08:07,854 --> 00:08:10,366 Do you really think that? Charlie. Charlie. Point it that way. 176 00:08:10,390 --> 00:08:12,624 Go, go, go. Go. [Clears Throat] 177 00:08:14,127 --> 00:08:16,060 You know, I'm horrified that he's here... 178 00:08:16,129 --> 00:08:18,229 [New York Accent] Um, excuse me. Can I talk to youse? 179 00:08:18,298 --> 00:08:20,131 What? 180 00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:24,369 Youse a bunch of white boys, right? Can I ax you a question? 181 00:08:24,437 --> 00:08:29,207 When you be in the clubs and you be dancin', why you look so stupid? 182 00:08:29,275 --> 00:08:31,709 [Laughs] I'm just playin'. 183 00:08:31,778 --> 00:08:35,780 So, um, youse a big man, right, but you got such tiny boots on. 184 00:08:35,849 --> 00:08:39,651 That means you got a small pecker. I'm sorry! 185 00:08:39,720 --> 00:08:42,954 I'm just playin'. I'm Martina Martinez. [Screaming] 186 00:08:45,892 --> 00:08:48,059 Oh! Greenman! 187 00:08:48,128 --> 00:08:51,229 Oh. [All Laughing] 188 00:08:54,467 --> 00:08:59,203 Okay, attention! Ladies, gentlemen, hotties and beefcakes. 189 00:08:59,272 --> 00:09:02,774 You were brought here because you are the most beautiful people in all of Philadelphia, 190 00:09:02,843 --> 00:09:07,112 and as such, the honor has been bestowed upon all of you... 191 00:09:07,181 --> 00:09:10,193 to compete in Paddy's First Next Top Billboard Model contest. 192 00:09:10,217 --> 00:09:12,984 - Uh, what's the pay? - What? 193 00:09:13,053 --> 00:09:15,186 - What is the pay? - The pay, sir, 194 00:09:15,255 --> 00:09:17,422 is getting your face 40 feet up on a billboard! 195 00:09:17,491 --> 00:09:20,136 - So there's no pay then? - I just told you what the pay is. 196 00:09:20,160 --> 00:09:22,372 He told you what the goddamn pay was. The billboard thing. 197 00:09:22,396 --> 00:09:24,474 - Were you not listening? - Well, I'm outta here. 198 00:09:24,498 --> 00:09:26,042 Fine. Fine! You leave! You crybaby. 199 00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:28,100 We don't need you people. Everybody else! 200 00:09:28,168 --> 00:09:32,771 Let's take their lack of dedication as a lesson, shall we? 201 00:09:32,839 --> 00:09:36,841 Competitions like this aren't about money. They're about fame. 202 00:09:36,910 --> 00:09:40,578 They are about putting yourself on display to the world and saying, "I'm good enough... 203 00:09:40,647 --> 00:09:42,191 because I beat everyone else." 204 00:09:42,215 --> 00:09:44,360 That's right. "And I got myself up on a billboard." 205 00:09:44,384 --> 00:09:46,318 Not so fast! 206 00:09:47,755 --> 00:09:50,856 - The hell are you doin' here? - I want in the competition. 207 00:09:51,992 --> 00:09:54,158 Approach. 208 00:09:54,227 --> 00:09:56,961 Dennis, I told you. You don't have the right stuff. 209 00:09:57,030 --> 00:10:00,098 I got the right stuff, Frank. I can win this thing. I know it! 210 00:10:00,166 --> 00:10:02,166 All right. Judges' sidebar. 211 00:10:03,770 --> 00:10:06,849 Do you wanna let him in? Bro, he's been talking about this modeling thing for years. 212 00:10:06,873 --> 00:10:10,275 If only to shut him up. Hmm. 213 00:10:12,612 --> 00:10:14,913 - You're in. - Oh, yeah! Yes! Huh? 214 00:10:14,982 --> 00:10:17,348 [Shouts, Laughs] 215 00:10:17,417 --> 00:10:19,262 [Growls, Mutters, Laughs] 216 00:10:19,286 --> 00:10:24,055 Okay. The first competition is the underwear competition. 217 00:10:25,025 --> 00:10:26,025 Boom! 218 00:10:33,033 --> 00:10:35,633 - How's your face, Dee? - How do you think it is, Charlie? 219 00:10:35,702 --> 00:10:38,737 You kept hitting me over and over in the same spot with a volleyball. 220 00:10:38,805 --> 00:10:41,017 And I was explicitly clear... no more Greenman. Come on! 221 00:10:41,041 --> 00:10:42,941 Greenman's what makes this thing work. 222 00:10:43,009 --> 00:10:45,544 Greenman is not what makes it work, Charlie. 223 00:10:45,612 --> 00:10:47,311 My characters are what make it work. 224 00:10:47,380 --> 00:10:49,180 No more Greenman. We're not doing it anymore. 225 00:10:49,249 --> 00:10:50,982 All right. Geez, relax. 226 00:10:52,018 --> 00:10:53,898 You're nothing without Greenman. 227 00:10:55,555 --> 00:10:57,455 Oh, shit. Dee, you know what? 228 00:10:57,524 --> 00:11:00,158 This is... This is all, like, a bad frame and stuff. 229 00:11:00,226 --> 00:11:02,271 This isn't gonna work. We gotta do it again. 230 00:11:02,295 --> 00:11:05,697 What? I meant the camera was too low. We gotta... 231 00:11:05,766 --> 00:11:09,634 [Clears Throat] Hey, diary. It's me. 232 00:11:09,702 --> 00:11:13,271 It's Thursday, September 30, about midnight. 233 00:11:13,340 --> 00:11:16,941 Uh, I'm alone, of course, again, 234 00:11:17,010 --> 00:11:19,110 and I just had a little bit too much ice cream. 235 00:11:19,179 --> 00:11:20,879 Interesting. 236 00:11:20,948 --> 00:11:23,760 Hey, Frank. Can I talk to you for a second? What's up? 237 00:11:23,784 --> 00:11:26,852 Bro, originally my plan was to just bang a bunch of models, right? 238 00:11:26,920 --> 00:11:29,232 Oh, yeah. Okay. But after talking to a few of them, 239 00:11:29,256 --> 00:11:32,324 I feel like I could find my true love here. 240 00:11:32,392 --> 00:11:35,271 You think you could fall in love with one of these broads? Yeah, dude! 241 00:11:35,295 --> 00:11:38,162 Look, eventually I gotta settle down, right? Spread my seed. 242 00:11:38,231 --> 00:11:41,277 Haven't you ever seen The Bachelor? Look, you get a whole bunch of them together, 243 00:11:41,301 --> 00:11:43,613 you make them compete over you... Bing, bang, boom, soul mate. 244 00:11:43,637 --> 00:11:45,348 Woo-hoo. That sounds good. [Chuckles] 245 00:11:45,372 --> 00:11:47,851 Okay. You take the girls... Uh-huh. 246 00:11:47,875 --> 00:11:50,353 And I'll take Dennis and the dudes. Really? 247 00:11:50,377 --> 00:11:52,088 Yeah! You'll just give me the girls? 248 00:11:52,112 --> 00:11:53,823 Absolutely. I can have my own competition. 249 00:11:53,847 --> 00:11:55,892 Awesome. Frank, I don't understand it, but I don't care. 250 00:11:55,916 --> 00:11:57,460 All right. Thanks, bud. All right. 251 00:11:57,484 --> 00:11:58,661 See ya. All right. 252 00:11:58,685 --> 00:12:00,229 Whatever. Thank you. Okay. 253 00:12:00,253 --> 00:12:02,854 All right. Where are all my male models? 254 00:12:02,923 --> 00:12:04,589 Come forward. Come forward. 255 00:12:04,658 --> 00:12:08,326 Okay. As you know, in the world of modeling, 256 00:12:08,395 --> 00:12:11,595 you're sometimes asked to model a theme. 257 00:12:11,664 --> 00:12:14,733 Today's theme is "barnyard." 258 00:12:14,801 --> 00:12:19,604 Okay. Everybody come on the stage that I have prepared to give you a little ambience. 259 00:12:19,673 --> 00:12:23,075 Okay. Here is a baby pool that you are all gonna get into. 260 00:12:23,143 --> 00:12:26,278 And, uh, there's a lot of hay, and there's some chickens and ducks. 261 00:12:26,346 --> 00:12:29,091 What the hell, bro? Is that supposed to be dirt? It smells like shit. 262 00:12:29,115 --> 00:12:31,716 It is shit. This is a barnyard. 263 00:12:31,784 --> 00:12:33,763 No one is going to step in shit, all right? 264 00:12:33,787 --> 00:12:36,499 Uh... Rex, are you kidding me? Seriously? You're just gonna step right in it? 265 00:12:36,523 --> 00:12:38,563 I wanna win, bro. Billboard. 266 00:12:42,696 --> 00:12:45,941 Dee, what is this getup? What are you doing now? What is that? 267 00:12:45,965 --> 00:12:48,600 [Chinese Accent] Oh, okay. This is Taiwan Tammy. 268 00:12:48,668 --> 00:12:54,305 She on runway and do a drag queen and nails. Oh, thank you. 269 00:12:54,374 --> 00:12:57,709 Are you kidding me? That is extremely racist! Isn't it awesome? 270 00:12:57,777 --> 00:13:00,979 I'm so excited about this one. All right. Well, good luck to you on that. 271 00:13:01,047 --> 00:13:02,847 Why are your hands in your pockets? 272 00:13:02,916 --> 00:13:05,550 They're itchy. Your hands are itchy? 273 00:13:05,619 --> 00:13:08,765 My hands are a little itchy. Your hands are in your pockets 'cause they're itchy? 274 00:13:08,789 --> 00:13:10,955 Goddamn it! I knew it! Charlie, what are you doing? 275 00:13:11,024 --> 00:13:13,636 I said no Greenman! Greenman sells this whole thing! 276 00:13:13,660 --> 00:13:16,261 It doesn't make any sense! Goddamn it, Charlie! 277 00:13:16,329 --> 00:13:18,330 Hey. I know you. What? 278 00:13:18,398 --> 00:13:22,366 Yeah. You that, uh... that girl. Uh, PatheticGirl43. 279 00:13:22,435 --> 00:13:25,169 PatheticGirl? I almost didn't recognize you in that getup. 280 00:13:25,238 --> 00:13:28,473 - But I'd recognize that whiny voice anywhere. - Yeah! 281 00:13:28,541 --> 00:13:30,386 Hey, you mind if we get a picture together? 282 00:13:30,410 --> 00:13:32,154 Yeah, let's get a picture! I mean, my friends... 283 00:13:32,178 --> 00:13:34,323 I can't believe you recognized us! They ain't gonna believe this. 284 00:13:34,347 --> 00:13:36,826 You saw the YouTube thing, right? Charlie, what is going on? 285 00:13:36,850 --> 00:13:39,450 I'll show you later. 286 00:13:39,519 --> 00:13:43,888 [Sighs] In other news, it seems like I have a rash... 287 00:13:43,957 --> 00:13:47,158 in a place where a sexually active person should have a rash. 288 00:13:47,226 --> 00:13:49,694 Greenman! [Cartoon Sound Effects] 289 00:13:49,763 --> 00:13:52,842 Oh, my God! You put that on YouTube? Oh, my God. I totally did. 290 00:13:52,866 --> 00:13:54,911 Charlie, why would you do that to me? 291 00:13:54,935 --> 00:13:57,847 Because that's great stuff. That is my private video diary! 292 00:13:57,871 --> 00:13:59,537 80,000 hits. 80,000? 293 00:13:59,606 --> 00:14:02,808 80,000 hits, Dee. That's huge! That's a big number. 294 00:14:02,876 --> 00:14:04,420 Yeah. Come on. Don't take this to heart. 295 00:14:04,444 --> 00:14:05,989 [Exhales] Don't take this the wrong way. 296 00:14:06,013 --> 00:14:08,424 Hey, look. You got recognized on the street today. That happened. 297 00:14:08,448 --> 00:14:10,215 So did I. Well, it was me first. 298 00:14:10,284 --> 00:14:13,518 The point is that's the first step to becoming hugely famous... 299 00:14:13,586 --> 00:14:16,299 - Pretty awesome. - is people noticing you on the Internet. 300 00:14:16,323 --> 00:14:18,801 80,000 hits. That's a lot of hits, Charlie. 301 00:14:18,825 --> 00:14:21,670 You know what it's like for Chocolate Rain when he goes around in the world? 302 00:14:21,694 --> 00:14:24,640 He gets free food. He gets free everything, 'cause people love that guy. 303 00:14:24,664 --> 00:14:27,631 Charlie, fire up that video camera. 304 00:14:27,700 --> 00:14:29,367 There you go. 305 00:14:31,571 --> 00:14:35,606 Okay, Anya. So they are, in fact, double D's. 306 00:14:35,675 --> 00:14:37,976 That's great news. [Chuckles] 307 00:14:38,044 --> 00:14:40,377 Well, you got a great look... No denying that. 308 00:14:40,446 --> 00:14:42,425 Let me ask you a question, though. 309 00:14:42,449 --> 00:14:44,327 Why should I pick you over the other girls? 310 00:14:44,351 --> 00:14:47,785 I'm willing to do anything in order to win. 311 00:14:47,854 --> 00:14:50,266 - You're talking about banging me, right? - Maybe. 312 00:14:50,290 --> 00:14:52,702 - [Clicks Tongue] Well, if you say yes... - Yes. 313 00:14:52,726 --> 00:14:54,270 Okay, great. You said yes. 314 00:14:54,294 --> 00:14:56,005 Okay. Anya said yes. That's written down now. 315 00:14:56,029 --> 00:14:57,740 Yes. That's like a contract. All right. Perfect. 316 00:14:57,764 --> 00:15:00,476 You can't go back on it. All right. Well, thank you for coming in. 317 00:15:00,500 --> 00:15:02,044 Thank you. Nice talking to you. 318 00:15:02,068 --> 00:15:04,235 You too. You got a great shot. 319 00:15:04,304 --> 00:15:07,171 You got a great ass. All right. 320 00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:09,307 Wow. [Door Opens] 321 00:15:09,376 --> 00:15:11,943 - Hi. - Hi! Rachelle! 322 00:15:12,011 --> 00:15:14,545 Yes. Rachelle, Rachelle, Rachelle. 323 00:15:14,614 --> 00:15:18,049 Thank you for coming in. I'm having all the girls come in just to make sure we vibe. 324 00:15:18,118 --> 00:15:21,686 - Of course. - What's the difference between you and the rest of the girls? 325 00:15:21,755 --> 00:15:25,956 Well, my heart is in this 100%, 326 00:15:26,025 --> 00:15:28,059 and for more than just a billboard. 327 00:15:28,128 --> 00:15:30,795 For more than a billboard? That's interesting. 328 00:15:30,864 --> 00:15:33,297 - I haven't heard that yet. - No? 329 00:15:33,366 --> 00:15:35,078 I feel like there's vibing happening right now. 330 00:15:35,102 --> 00:15:37,942 - This is the vibing I'm talking about. - Yeah. 331 00:15:38,005 --> 00:15:40,249 - I feel like we're completing each other's... - Sentences. 332 00:15:40,273 --> 00:15:42,273 Yeah! I was gonna say "sentences"! [Laughs] 333 00:15:42,342 --> 00:15:43,862 I know. Oh, my God. 334 00:15:43,910 --> 00:15:45,643 - How did you read my... - Mind. 335 00:15:45,712 --> 00:15:47,072 I was gonna say "head." Oh. 336 00:15:47,114 --> 00:15:48,857 But that's okay. That's all right. 337 00:15:48,881 --> 00:15:50,593 We got... We're one for two. 338 00:15:50,617 --> 00:15:52,962 Okay. That's okay. Fifty percent. 339 00:15:52,986 --> 00:15:55,586 - You and I are gonna get along very well. - [Laughs] 340 00:16:00,227 --> 00:16:04,562 Rex, that is a sexy jaguar. 341 00:16:04,631 --> 00:16:09,067 I mean, that jaguar is fierce! 342 00:16:09,136 --> 00:16:12,296 I've-I've... I've never been turned on by a jaguar before. 343 00:16:12,339 --> 00:16:16,507 This has totally changed my mind toward jaguars. 344 00:16:16,576 --> 00:16:17,942 [Slide Projector Clicks] 345 00:16:18,011 --> 00:16:23,647 Dennis, your mule is shit. I am no longer turned on by mules. 346 00:16:23,716 --> 00:16:26,650 You gave Rex "jaguar"! There aren't jaguars in barns! 347 00:16:26,719 --> 00:16:30,199 Plus, what the hell am I supposed to do with a mule? You can't make a mule sexy. 348 00:16:30,223 --> 00:16:32,824 Dennis, you've been out-modeled. 349 00:16:32,892 --> 00:16:35,960 I have not been out-modeled. I haven't even begun to work this hot body. 350 00:16:36,029 --> 00:16:37,528 What's the next event? 351 00:16:38,832 --> 00:16:41,465 The clothes-off pose-off. 352 00:16:41,534 --> 00:16:44,369 ♪♪ [Disco] 353 00:16:47,874 --> 00:16:49,940 Oh! Jesus Christ, Frank! 354 00:16:50,009 --> 00:16:52,154 That burns! What... What are you doing? 355 00:16:52,178 --> 00:16:54,445 Anything can happen on a runway, Dennis. 356 00:16:54,514 --> 00:16:57,415 Nobody's gonna throw detergent in my eyeballs on a runway, Frank! 357 00:16:57,483 --> 00:17:01,218 And you think that was bad, check out this tasty delight. 358 00:17:01,287 --> 00:17:03,421 You gotta eat cockroaches next. 359 00:17:03,490 --> 00:17:07,025 You know, man, screw this. I'm outta here. 360 00:17:07,094 --> 00:17:08,593 Finished. 361 00:17:08,661 --> 00:17:11,196 Jesus, Rex. I didn't tell you to start eating yet. 362 00:17:11,264 --> 00:17:13,164 That doesn't disqualify me, does it? 363 00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:16,534 - No, you're good. - [Sighs] 364 00:17:16,603 --> 00:17:20,438 Oh, hey, diary. Listen. Today was the worst day ever. 365 00:17:20,507 --> 00:17:22,547 I had an audition and I didn't get the part, 366 00:17:22,575 --> 00:17:24,287 which is really, really strange for me. 367 00:17:24,311 --> 00:17:26,655 But then the casting director called and they were, like, 368 00:17:26,679 --> 00:17:28,757 "We thought you were just better for a different part." 369 00:17:28,781 --> 00:17:30,559 And I was, like, "That makes more sense." 370 00:17:30,583 --> 00:17:32,228 Cut, cut! What are you doing? That was great. 371 00:17:32,252 --> 00:17:34,730 What are you doing? Why don't you do it like you did the first time? 372 00:17:34,754 --> 00:17:37,533 - This is just weird. - This is what I do. I talk into the camera about my life. 373 00:17:37,557 --> 00:17:41,103 You never do this. You have all these colors on your face. Your mouth is going like this... 374 00:17:41,127 --> 00:17:43,205 Don't bust my balls. This is great exposure for me. This is stupid. 375 00:17:43,229 --> 00:17:44,907 [Door Closes] Hey, Charlie. You are here! Dee! 376 00:17:44,931 --> 00:17:47,009 What the hell's going on? She looks like a clown. I don't know. 377 00:17:47,033 --> 00:17:48,577 Get outta here! Like a porn star or something. 378 00:17:48,601 --> 00:17:50,312 He almost didn't recognize you! You guys shooting a porn? 379 00:17:50,336 --> 00:17:52,014 - No, we're not... - Never mind. I don't care. 380 00:17:52,038 --> 00:17:54,250 Listen, we need to get that company credit card from Frank. Yeah? What's up? 381 00:17:54,274 --> 00:17:55,651 Man, dude, I realized something. 382 00:17:55,675 --> 00:17:57,453 I don't need validation anymore. How great is that? 383 00:17:57,477 --> 00:17:59,421 But what I do need is the company credit card... 384 00:17:59,445 --> 00:18:01,724 so that I can buy myself a billboard, get myself out there... 385 00:18:01,748 --> 00:18:03,459 and show the entire world that Dennis Reynolds... 386 00:18:03,483 --> 00:18:05,461 still has a rocking body that deserves to be worshipped. 387 00:18:05,485 --> 00:18:07,530 Get out of here! We're in the middle of something! 388 00:18:07,554 --> 00:18:09,498 - No, you get out of here! - This is my place! 389 00:18:09,522 --> 00:18:11,756 I need that billboard! Hang on a second. 390 00:18:11,824 --> 00:18:13,558 Okay, look. Guys, guys. [Sighs] 391 00:18:13,626 --> 00:18:15,604 There's a way to make you guys both happy, all right? 392 00:18:15,628 --> 00:18:17,328 I got a pretty good plan how to do this. 393 00:18:19,232 --> 00:18:23,000 Hey, everybody. PatheticGirl43 here, coming to you live... 394 00:18:23,069 --> 00:18:25,637 with Philadelphia's next top model, Dennis Reynolds. 395 00:18:25,705 --> 00:18:28,673 Dennis, tell us what it's like to be so handsome. 396 00:18:28,742 --> 00:18:31,887 Well, I like to think I've been this handsome since birth, possibly even earlier... 397 00:18:31,911 --> 00:18:33,578 Oh! Greenman! 398 00:18:33,647 --> 00:18:35,580 [Gasping] 399 00:18:40,486 --> 00:18:44,288 This shamrock will be awarded to the winner... 400 00:18:44,357 --> 00:18:48,426 as a symbol of my vote and love for this competition. 401 00:18:49,496 --> 00:18:52,931 Rachelle, you taught me about love, 402 00:18:52,999 --> 00:18:55,499 respect, inner beauty. 403 00:18:58,438 --> 00:19:02,840 Dominique, you banged me, like, right away. 404 00:19:02,909 --> 00:19:04,453 [Chuckles] I hardly had to do anything. 405 00:19:04,477 --> 00:19:05,976 Tabitha, you did the same. 406 00:19:06,046 --> 00:19:08,345 But most importantly, you banged each other. 407 00:19:09,715 --> 00:19:11,849 And you let me watch. 408 00:19:11,917 --> 00:19:13,785 Awesome. [Inhales] 409 00:19:13,853 --> 00:19:17,955 [Sighs] But when I was making this decision, 410 00:19:18,024 --> 00:19:21,225 I thought long and hard, and I thought, "I have to go with my heart." 411 00:19:22,295 --> 00:19:25,396 "I have to go with my heart." 412 00:19:25,464 --> 00:19:30,935 So I'm gonna do something a little unorthodox here. [Sighs] 413 00:19:31,004 --> 00:19:32,844 A top o' the morning... to both of you! 414 00:19:32,906 --> 00:19:34,917 - [Both Screaming] - [Rachelle] What? 415 00:19:34,941 --> 00:19:36,708 I had two of them! I had another one here. 416 00:19:36,776 --> 00:19:38,876 I tricked you. I got both of you guys. 417 00:19:38,945 --> 00:19:41,879 But you just said that I taught you about inner beauty and respect. 418 00:19:41,948 --> 00:19:45,916 Yeah, but this whole thing's about banging, and you didn't bang me. So... 419 00:19:45,985 --> 00:19:47,885 You're a dick! I know! 420 00:19:47,953 --> 00:19:49,887 And that's what I learned. [Chuckles] 421 00:19:51,157 --> 00:19:55,226 Hey-o! Check it out. Check it out! 422 00:19:55,295 --> 00:19:57,572 What is it? I'll tell you what it is, bitch. 423 00:19:57,596 --> 00:20:00,275 [Door Closes] It's a YouTube video that me, Dee and Charlie just made. 424 00:20:00,299 --> 00:20:02,900 It's gonna get a million hits. So guess what, pal? 425 00:20:02,969 --> 00:20:05,369 Don't need your billboard. I'm going viral. 426 00:20:05,438 --> 00:20:08,417 I'm glad you don't need it, because you can't have it because it's already up. 427 00:20:08,441 --> 00:20:11,575 What? Yeah. I put it up right after you called me ugly. 428 00:20:11,644 --> 00:20:13,744 There's no billboard? 429 00:20:13,813 --> 00:20:16,981 Oh, yeah. Sorry about that, Rex. My bad. 430 00:20:17,050 --> 00:20:21,819 So, wait. If you already put the billboard up, wh-what did you put on it? 431 00:20:21,888 --> 00:20:24,355 ♪♪ [Disco] 432 00:20:28,929 --> 00:20:30,862 [Synthesized Voice] ♪ A.R.S. ♪ 433 00:20:32,632 --> 00:20:34,565 ♪ A.R.S. ♪ 434 00:20:36,102 --> 00:20:38,036 ♪ A.R.S. ♪ 435 00:20:57,657 --> 00:20:59,590 ♪♪ [Ends] 436 00:21:02,662 --> 00:21:05,596 [Voices Speaking Backwards] 39186

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