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1
00:00:01,936 --> 00:00:05,081
[Dennis] You better havea good reason for getting usout of bed this early, jerk.
2
00:00:05,105 --> 00:00:09,174
I got a goddamn great reasonfor getting you out of bed.This bar is hemorrhaging money.
3
00:00:09,242 --> 00:00:12,089
You gotta spend money
to make money.
Economics 101, dude.
4
00:00:12,113 --> 00:00:16,381
You're bleeding us to death,
especially with that
company credit card you got.
5
00:00:16,450 --> 00:00:20,352
That is for business expenses,
Frank. Everything on there
is a business expense.
6
00:00:20,420 --> 00:00:24,255
Who spent $500
for laser hair removal?
7
00:00:24,324 --> 00:00:26,136
Right over here, slick.
Don't wanna have
hair down there.
8
00:00:26,160 --> 00:00:27,870
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah.
9
00:00:27,894 --> 00:00:30,139
Who spent $5,000
for a samurai sword?
10
00:00:30,163 --> 00:00:33,298
Your head of security.
Yeah. Just wait till he saves
your life one day with it.
11
00:00:33,367 --> 00:00:34,966
$6,000 on a camcorder.
12
00:00:35,035 --> 00:00:36,746
Well, I've decided
what I'm gonna do...
13
00:00:36,770 --> 00:00:38,614
is I'm going to take all those
hilarious characters...
14
00:00:38,638 --> 00:00:40,483
that I've been creating
over the past several years...
15
00:00:40,507 --> 00:00:43,175
I'm gonna put 'em on tape.
I'm gonna put 'em on YouTube.
16
00:00:43,243 --> 00:00:45,843
That way I can get discovered by
a casting director or producer,
17
00:00:45,912 --> 00:00:47,690
get some kind of
a TV development deal.
18
00:00:47,714 --> 00:00:50,560
Yeah, right. So the point is,
Frank, is that these
are all business expenses.
19
00:00:50,584 --> 00:00:52,562
See?
I mean, some are definitely
more realistic than others.
20
00:00:52,586 --> 00:00:54,319
Yeah, not that one.
No, not at all.
21
00:00:54,388 --> 00:00:57,155
But nonetheless, it was,
I believe, bought as
a business expense, so...
22
00:00:57,223 --> 00:01:00,825
They're not business expenses.
What I bought
is a business expense.
23
00:01:00,894 --> 00:01:03,695
What I bought is something
that's gonna save our asses.
24
00:01:03,764 --> 00:01:06,331
Okay. Yeah. All right.
All right. What'd you get?
25
00:01:06,399 --> 00:01:08,467
I bought a billboard.
26
00:01:41,768 --> 00:01:44,736
Okay, so I'm thinkingwe write on the billboardin nice big letters,
27
00:01:44,805 --> 00:01:47,772
"We have two for one
drink specials on Thursdays."
28
00:01:47,841 --> 00:01:50,787
And on the bottom, you got
a hilarious picture of Greenman
kicking someone in the nuts.
29
00:01:50,811 --> 00:01:54,078
And people go,
"Hey, what's this wacky place?
Where can I have those drinks?"
30
00:01:54,147 --> 00:01:57,394
It is absolutely astonishing
how bad your ideas are.
How is that a bad idea?
31
00:01:57,418 --> 00:01:59,495
Go sit down.
The adults are working.
Really?
32
00:01:59,519 --> 00:02:01,765
Okay.
When we need a child,
we'll call you.
33
00:02:01,789 --> 00:02:04,022
- Woo-hoo!
- Now, Dennis,
you and I on the same team...
34
00:02:04,091 --> 00:02:06,224
Hot chick up on the billboard,
sex sells, boom.
35
00:02:06,293 --> 00:02:08,004
Oh, absolutely.
It's Advertising 101.
36
00:02:08,028 --> 00:02:09,739
Long legs, taut breasts
and tight poopers.
37
00:02:09,763 --> 00:02:11,641
I'm just gonna jump in here
real quick and point out...
38
00:02:11,665 --> 00:02:13,209
that this is the point
in the conversation...
39
00:02:13,233 --> 00:02:15,178
where I would volunteer
to be the girl on the billboard,
40
00:02:15,202 --> 00:02:17,514
and then you guys would talk
about how ugly you think I am...
41
00:02:17,538 --> 00:02:20,383
- and compare me
to some sort of giant bird.
- You look so much like a bird.
42
00:02:20,407 --> 00:02:22,767
Dennis, I was
thinking fish recently.
Really?
43
00:02:22,809 --> 00:02:25,355
Yeah. Her eyes are
so far apart, they're, like,
on the sides of her head.
44
00:02:25,379 --> 00:02:27,089
Okay. Okay.
But I don't wanna be
on your billboard.
45
00:02:27,113 --> 00:02:29,692
I'm not gonna ask to be
because you wouldn't
let me be on it anyway.
46
00:02:29,716 --> 00:02:31,427
That's sensible
of you not to ask.
[Mac] God, no.
47
00:02:31,451 --> 00:02:34,319
For the love of God,there's no way you would beup on that billboard.
48
00:02:34,388 --> 00:02:36,599
- That is never gonna happen!
- Let me get the point out!
49
00:02:36,623 --> 00:02:38,401
The point is...
Anything's better than you.
50
00:02:38,425 --> 00:02:40,504
I don't wanna be
on your billboard,
and I'll tell you why.
51
00:02:40,528 --> 00:02:42,027
I'm gonna take
one of my characters,
52
00:02:42,095 --> 00:02:45,229
and I'm gonna launch
a viral video
and promote Paddy's myself.
53
00:02:45,298 --> 00:02:47,543
A viral video?
There's about a billion
of those on YouTube.
54
00:02:47,567 --> 00:02:50,613
- Who gives a shit, Dee?
- Oh, you think anybody gives
a shit about a billboard?
55
00:02:50,637 --> 00:02:52,304
Uh, wake up, donkeys.
56
00:02:52,373 --> 00:02:54,917
The Internet is where it's at,
and I'm going to be
an Internet sensation.
57
00:02:54,941 --> 00:02:57,854
You know, you're totally right.
And if you don't mind,
I'm gonna come with you.
58
00:02:57,878 --> 00:03:01,213
Maybe I can throw Greenman
into a couple of your videos,
you know, and work it out.
59
00:03:01,281 --> 00:03:03,659
That'll get a lot
of hits, I think.
You can help me out, Charlie,
60
00:03:03,683 --> 00:03:06,329
but we're not gonna put
Greenman into anything.
Well, we'll see about that.
61
00:03:06,353 --> 00:03:07,931
We won't see about that.
Well, we will.
62
00:03:07,955 --> 00:03:09,765
Mm-mmm.
All right.
Uh, later, dudes.
63
00:03:09,789 --> 00:03:13,892
S.U. in your A's,
don't wear a "C"
and "J" all over your B's.
64
00:03:13,961 --> 00:03:15,961
Why would he not wear a "C"?
65
00:03:16,029 --> 00:03:18,475
I don't even know
what he's talking about
half the time, bro.
66
00:03:18,499 --> 00:03:20,009
[Mac]Hey, Frank.Glad you're here, bro.
67
00:03:20,033 --> 00:03:22,111
We're talkin' billboard ideas.
Yeah.
68
00:03:22,135 --> 00:03:25,115
Don't waste your time.
I know what the billboard's
gonna look like already.
69
00:03:25,139 --> 00:03:28,907
Two gorgeous girls up there,
giant cans,
70
00:03:28,976 --> 00:03:30,687
me in the middle
with my thumbs up.
71
00:03:30,711 --> 00:03:32,521
- Yeah!
- Well, that's just simply
not gonna happen.
72
00:03:32,545 --> 00:03:34,645
Uh, actually,
maybe Frank has a point, dude.
73
00:03:34,714 --> 00:03:37,382
Maybe we should
put a dude up there.
Certainly not him.
74
00:03:37,451 --> 00:03:40,163
But if we put
some hot beefcake up there,
maybe it'll attract more chicks.
75
00:03:40,187 --> 00:03:41,797
Yeah, that's a good point.
Okay, I like that.
76
00:03:41,821 --> 00:03:43,599
You know what?
Let's slap my picture up there.
77
00:03:43,623 --> 00:03:46,002
It's about time
I got my modeling career
off the ground anyway.
78
00:03:46,026 --> 00:03:49,106
Don't flatter yourself.
You're not gonna
be up there...
79
00:03:49,163 --> 00:03:52,097
because I am gonna be
the face of Paddy's Bar.
80
00:03:52,165 --> 00:03:54,700
That's ridiculous, Frank.
You're, um,
81
00:03:54,768 --> 00:03:55,967
ugly.
82
00:03:56,036 --> 00:03:58,203
- What?
- Ugly.
83
00:03:58,271 --> 00:03:59,682
- I'm ugly?
- Yeah.
84
00:03:59,706 --> 00:04:02,841
With that anteater nose,
you're telling me I'm ugly?
85
00:04:02,910 --> 00:04:06,711
My nose was chiseled
by the gods themselves,
Frank.
86
00:04:06,780 --> 00:04:10,816
My body was sculpted
to the proportions
of Michelangelo's David.
87
00:04:10,884 --> 00:04:15,186
You, on the other hand...
Well, you're a pit of despair.
88
00:04:15,255 --> 00:04:18,223
Frank, you disgust me.
89
00:04:18,292 --> 00:04:20,558
You disgust everyone.
90
00:04:20,627 --> 00:04:25,864
And you will never, ever,
be on that billboard.
91
00:04:32,806 --> 00:04:34,806
[Irish Accent]
Good morning, Philadelphia.
92
00:04:34,875 --> 00:04:38,409
I'm Crazy Paddy,
and I'm coming to you
from Paddy's Pub,
93
00:04:38,478 --> 00:04:42,413
telling you to come on down,
where we're
slashing prices so low,
94
00:04:42,482 --> 00:04:44,716
you won't need a pot of gold
to get sloppy.
95
00:04:44,784 --> 00:04:49,220
So come on down to Paddy's.
It's insane!
96
00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:51,167
What is that?
[No Accent]
Did you like that?
97
00:04:51,191 --> 00:04:53,970
No. That's not what
YouTube videos are like.
Oh, that's a great character.
98
00:04:53,994 --> 00:04:57,240
No, that's a bad commercial
you'd see on the
cable network or something.
99
00:04:57,264 --> 00:04:59,842
Maybe you didn't get it.
I'm crazy 'cause I'm pricing
the beer too low.
100
00:04:59,866 --> 00:05:03,534
Mmm, I think I got it.
The beer's too low for what
average beer prices should be.
101
00:05:03,603 --> 00:05:06,982
You know what? Let's just do it
again. Maybe throw in some more
jokes or something. You know?
102
00:05:07,006 --> 00:05:09,219
Make it a little funnier.
Make it funnier.
You're absolutely right.
103
00:05:09,243 --> 00:05:10,786
You can make it funny.
You're a funny girl.
104
00:05:10,810 --> 00:05:11,921
You ready?
Mm-hmm.
105
00:05:11,945 --> 00:05:15,213
Good morning, Philadelphia.
I'm Crazy Pad...
106
00:05:15,282 --> 00:05:17,448
[Laughs]
Oh!
107
00:05:17,517 --> 00:05:19,784
Oh, my God.
108
00:05:19,853 --> 00:05:23,121
Why?
Now that was funny!
Dee, that's awesome.
109
00:05:23,190 --> 00:05:25,267
Why would you do that?
That's what
YouTube video is.
110
00:05:25,291 --> 00:05:27,570
Are you insane?
You ever see the little girl
who's mashing the grapes...
111
00:05:27,594 --> 00:05:30,206
and then slips
and she's, like...
Why would you do that, Charlie?
112
00:05:30,230 --> 00:05:32,475
That's what
people wanna see!
Oh, my God!
113
00:05:32,499 --> 00:05:36,267
People getting injured
or seriously hurt...
That's funny!
114
00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:38,748
Okay?
Let's just do this.
This is...
115
00:05:38,772 --> 00:05:41,072
Trust me. This is
what gets hits on YouTube.
116
00:05:41,141 --> 00:05:43,219
All right. Are you ready?
Yeah. I was ready
from the...
117
00:05:43,243 --> 00:05:45,977
Stop talking!
[Sighs]
118
00:05:46,045 --> 00:05:48,679
I'm Crazy Paddy...
No. Okay.
119
00:05:48,748 --> 00:05:51,182
Okay.
I'm Crazy Paddy...
120
00:05:51,251 --> 00:05:52,729
[Grunts]
What are you doing?
121
00:05:52,753 --> 00:05:54,597
You're flinching
every time now.
Oh, I'm sorry.
122
00:05:54,621 --> 00:05:57,522
I can't concentrate
when I'm about to get
blasted in the face with a ball!
123
00:05:57,590 --> 00:05:59,569
I'll blast you all over
if you flinch again.
124
00:05:59,593 --> 00:06:01,292
Don't... Let's just do this.
125
00:06:01,361 --> 00:06:03,072
Let's just do this.
Action!
These...
126
00:06:03,096 --> 00:06:04,773
[Screams]
Goddamn!
Oh! Yeah!
127
00:06:04,797 --> 00:06:06,342
Goddamn!
That was funny.
128
00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:08,278
I don't like it, Charlie!
I don't think it's funny...
129
00:06:08,302 --> 00:06:09,801
Yeah!
It's too much.
130
00:06:09,870 --> 00:06:11,630
It's too much.
It just hurts too bad.
131
00:06:14,975 --> 00:06:18,576
Bro, can you believe
how many hot chicks showed up...
132
00:06:18,645 --> 00:06:20,445
for a casting call
for a billboard?
133
00:06:20,513 --> 00:06:22,391
How have we not
done this before?
Yeah. Yeah, man.
134
00:06:22,415 --> 00:06:25,394
Plus, think about it.
Dennis Reynolds,
40 feet tall and shirtless.
135
00:06:25,418 --> 00:06:27,163
[Door Opens]
Oh! It's gonna be
so perfect.
136
00:06:27,187 --> 00:06:29,788
Let's go. Just take
your places over there.
137
00:06:29,856 --> 00:06:31,868
- Frank, what are you doing?
- We're lookin'
for models, right?
138
00:06:31,892 --> 00:06:34,804
Yeah.
I went on a stud hunt.
I came back with beefcakes.
139
00:06:34,828 --> 00:06:37,173
What are you talkin' about,
Frank? I'm the male model.
140
00:06:37,197 --> 00:06:39,897
Uh, Rex. Rex.
Here you go.
141
00:06:39,966 --> 00:06:41,944
What's Rex for?
We don't need Rex.
142
00:06:41,968 --> 00:06:44,481
Take your shirt off.
Come on. You don't need
to take your shirt off.
143
00:06:44,505 --> 00:06:46,049
- [Whistles]
- Okay. Well, if you're
looking for that.
144
00:06:46,073 --> 00:06:47,783
- [Cackles]Now that...
- That's what you want.
145
00:06:47,807 --> 00:06:49,885
That is what
you call stallion.
[Mac] That is a stallion.
146
00:06:49,909 --> 00:06:52,488
I didn't know you guys
were lookin' for a stallion.
I'm a stallion...
147
00:06:52,512 --> 00:06:54,245
Ooh! Dennis.
Uh... [Groans]
148
00:06:54,314 --> 00:06:55,880
You think Frank's
got a point here?
149
00:06:55,949 --> 00:06:57,982
I don't think he has a point.
I'm a stallion.
150
00:06:58,051 --> 00:07:00,351
Uh... [Groaning]
151
00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:03,788
All right. This is messy.
Um, look, buddy.
152
00:07:03,856 --> 00:07:07,092
2003 Dennis...
Okay, he was Grade "A"
prime beefcake.
153
00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:09,026
No one is disputing that.
He was a stallion.
154
00:07:09,096 --> 00:07:11,696
But 2008 Dennis is in decline.
155
00:07:11,765 --> 00:07:15,166
Take a look at Rex here.
That is a body
that just won't quit.
156
00:07:15,235 --> 00:07:18,670
I bet if you pop those pants
off, you're gonna find a bird
that just won't quit either,
157
00:07:18,739 --> 00:07:20,905
and I think that'll
come in handy in this situation.
158
00:07:20,974 --> 00:07:25,543
I think the problem here
is that your body quit.
Your bird quit.
159
00:07:25,611 --> 00:07:27,411
And unfortunately,
it's no longer legit.
160
00:07:27,480 --> 00:07:29,092
What the hell are you
talking about? My bird?
161
00:07:29,116 --> 00:07:30,927
All right. Let's get back to...
To business here.
162
00:07:30,951 --> 00:07:35,086
Attention, ladies! I'm gonna
need all the "A" cups to please
head for the back door.
163
00:07:37,457 --> 00:07:39,169
[Dee]Charlie, are you readywith the camera?
164
00:07:39,193 --> 00:07:41,437
Yeah.
I'm trying to set it up.
It takes a second, Dee.
165
00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:43,739
Yeah.
All right. Who the hell is this
character that you're doing?
166
00:07:43,763 --> 00:07:46,564
Oh, this one?
It's a really great one.
Her name's Martina Martinez,
167
00:07:46,633 --> 00:07:48,733
and she is a streetwise
Puerto Rican girl...
168
00:07:48,802 --> 00:07:51,903
- who's always quick
with a sassy comeback.
- Are you serious?
169
00:07:51,972 --> 00:07:54,717
Yes. It's awesome. Let'sgo over what we're doing again.I go up. I talk.
170
00:07:54,741 --> 00:07:57,941
You come in with the volleyball,
you hit him in the face
and you get out of there.
171
00:07:57,978 --> 00:08:00,523
Okay. I'm gonna hit
a random person in the face
with a volleyball.
172
00:08:00,547 --> 00:08:03,147
But don't come in too early,'cause I got some materialI wanna do,
173
00:08:03,216 --> 00:08:04,882
and I don't want you
to cut me off.
174
00:08:04,951 --> 00:08:07,830
Because Saturday Night Live
is gonna really...
I think they're gonna love...
175
00:08:07,854 --> 00:08:10,366
Do you really think that?
Charlie. Charlie.Point it that way.
176
00:08:10,390 --> 00:08:12,624
Go, go, go. Go.
[Clears Throat]
177
00:08:14,127 --> 00:08:16,060
You know, I'm horrified
that he's here...
178
00:08:16,129 --> 00:08:18,229
[New York Accent]
Um, excuse me.
Can I talk to youse?
179
00:08:18,298 --> 00:08:20,131
What?
180
00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:24,369
Youse a bunch
of white boys, right?
Can I ax you a question?
181
00:08:24,437 --> 00:08:29,207
When you be in the clubs
and you be dancin',
why you look so stupid?
182
00:08:29,275 --> 00:08:31,709
[Laughs]
I'm just playin'.
183
00:08:31,778 --> 00:08:35,780
So, um, youse a big man, right,
but you got such tiny boots on.
184
00:08:35,849 --> 00:08:39,651
That means you got
a small pecker. I'm sorry!
185
00:08:39,720 --> 00:08:42,954
I'm just playin'.
I'm Martina Martinez.
[Screaming]
186
00:08:45,892 --> 00:08:48,059
Oh!
Greenman!
187
00:08:48,128 --> 00:08:51,229
Oh.
[All Laughing]
188
00:08:54,467 --> 00:08:59,203
Okay, attention!Ladies, gentlemen,hotties and beefcakes.
189
00:08:59,272 --> 00:09:02,774
You were brought here because
you are the most beautiful
people in all of Philadelphia,
190
00:09:02,843 --> 00:09:07,112
and as such,
the honor has been bestowed
upon all of you...
191
00:09:07,181 --> 00:09:10,193
to compete in Paddy's
First Next Top
Billboard Model contest.
192
00:09:10,217 --> 00:09:12,984
- Uh, what's the pay?
- What?
193
00:09:13,053 --> 00:09:15,186
- What is the pay?
- The pay, sir,
194
00:09:15,255 --> 00:09:17,422
is getting your face
40 feet up on a billboard!
195
00:09:17,491 --> 00:09:20,136
- So there's no pay then?
- I just told you
what the pay is.
196
00:09:20,160 --> 00:09:22,372
He told you
what the goddamn pay was.
The billboard thing.
197
00:09:22,396 --> 00:09:24,474
- Were you not listening?
- Well, I'm outta here.
198
00:09:24,498 --> 00:09:26,042
Fine. Fine!
You leave!
You crybaby.
199
00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:28,100
We don't need you people.
Everybody else!
200
00:09:28,168 --> 00:09:32,771
Let's take their
lack of dedication
as a lesson, shall we?
201
00:09:32,839 --> 00:09:36,841
Competitions like this
aren't about money.
They're about fame.
202
00:09:36,910 --> 00:09:40,578
They are about putting yourself
on display to the world
and saying, "I'm good enough...
203
00:09:40,647 --> 00:09:42,191
because I beat
everyone else."
204
00:09:42,215 --> 00:09:44,360
That's right.
"And I got myself up
on a billboard."
205
00:09:44,384 --> 00:09:46,318
Not so fast!
206
00:09:47,755 --> 00:09:50,856
- The hell are you doin' here?
- I want in the competition.
207
00:09:51,992 --> 00:09:54,158
Approach.
208
00:09:54,227 --> 00:09:56,961
Dennis, I told you.
You don't have the right stuff.
209
00:09:57,030 --> 00:10:00,098
I got the right stuff, Frank.
I can win this thing.
I know it!
210
00:10:00,166 --> 00:10:02,166
All right.
Judges' sidebar.
211
00:10:03,770 --> 00:10:06,849
Do you wanna let him in?
Bro, he's been talking about
this modeling thing for years.
212
00:10:06,873 --> 00:10:10,275
If only to shut him up.
Hmm.
213
00:10:12,612 --> 00:10:14,913
- You're in.
- Oh, yeah! Yes! Huh?
214
00:10:14,982 --> 00:10:17,348
[Shouts, Laughs]
215
00:10:17,417 --> 00:10:19,262
[Growls, Mutters, Laughs]
216
00:10:19,286 --> 00:10:24,055
Okay. The first competition
is the underwear competition.
217
00:10:25,025 --> 00:10:26,025
Boom!
218
00:10:33,033 --> 00:10:35,633
- How's your face, Dee?
- How do you thinkit is, Charlie?
219
00:10:35,702 --> 00:10:38,737
You kept hitting me over
and over in the same spot
with a volleyball.
220
00:10:38,805 --> 00:10:41,017
And I was explicitly clear...
no more Greenman.
Come on!
221
00:10:41,041 --> 00:10:42,941
Greenman's
what makes this thing work.
222
00:10:43,009 --> 00:10:45,544
Greenman is not
what makes it work, Charlie.
223
00:10:45,612 --> 00:10:47,311
My characters
are what make it work.
224
00:10:47,380 --> 00:10:49,180
No more Greenman.
We're not doing it anymore.
225
00:10:49,249 --> 00:10:50,982
All right. Geez, relax.
226
00:10:52,018 --> 00:10:53,898
You're nothing without Greenman.
227
00:10:55,555 --> 00:10:57,455
Oh, shit.
Dee, you know what?
228
00:10:57,524 --> 00:11:00,158
This is... This is all,
like, a bad frame and stuff.
229
00:11:00,226 --> 00:11:02,271
This isn't gonna work.
We gotta do it again.
230
00:11:02,295 --> 00:11:05,697
What?
I meant the camera was too low.
We gotta...
231
00:11:05,766 --> 00:11:09,634
[Clears Throat]
Hey, diary. It's me.
232
00:11:09,702 --> 00:11:13,271
It's Thursday, September 30,
about midnight.
233
00:11:13,340 --> 00:11:16,941
Uh, I'm alone, of course, again,
234
00:11:17,010 --> 00:11:19,110
and I just had
a little bit too much ice cream.
235
00:11:19,179 --> 00:11:20,879
Interesting.
236
00:11:20,948 --> 00:11:23,760
Hey, Frank. Can I talk
to you for a second?
What's up?
237
00:11:23,784 --> 00:11:26,852
Bro, originally my plan
was to just bang
a bunch of models, right?
238
00:11:26,920 --> 00:11:29,232
Oh, yeah.
Okay. But after talking
to a few of them,
239
00:11:29,256 --> 00:11:32,324
I feel like I could find
my true love here.
240
00:11:32,392 --> 00:11:35,271
You think you could fall in love
with one of these broads?
Yeah, dude!
241
00:11:35,295 --> 00:11:38,162
Look, eventually
I gotta settle down, right?
Spread my seed.
242
00:11:38,231 --> 00:11:41,277
Haven't you ever seen
The Bachelor? Look, you get
a whole bunch of them together,
243
00:11:41,301 --> 00:11:43,613
you make them compete over you...
Bing, bang, boom, soul mate.
244
00:11:43,637 --> 00:11:45,348
Woo-hoo.
That sounds good.
[Chuckles]
245
00:11:45,372 --> 00:11:47,851
Okay. You take
the girls...
Uh-huh.
246
00:11:47,875 --> 00:11:50,353
And I'll take Dennis
and the dudes.
Really?
247
00:11:50,377 --> 00:11:52,088
Yeah!
You'll just give me
the girls?
248
00:11:52,112 --> 00:11:53,823
Absolutely.
I can have
my own competition.
249
00:11:53,847 --> 00:11:55,892
Awesome.
Frank, I don't understand it,
but I don't care.
250
00:11:55,916 --> 00:11:57,460
All right. Thanks, bud.
All right.
251
00:11:57,484 --> 00:11:58,661
See ya.
All right.
252
00:11:58,685 --> 00:12:00,229
Whatever.
Thank you.
Okay.
253
00:12:00,253 --> 00:12:02,854
All right.
Where are all my male models?
254
00:12:02,923 --> 00:12:04,589
Come forward. Come forward.
255
00:12:04,658 --> 00:12:08,326
Okay. As you know,
in the world of modeling,
256
00:12:08,395 --> 00:12:11,595
you're sometimes asked
to model a theme.
257
00:12:11,664 --> 00:12:14,733
Today's theme is "barnyard."
258
00:12:14,801 --> 00:12:19,604
Okay. Everybody come on
the stage that I have prepared
to give you a little ambience.
259
00:12:19,673 --> 00:12:23,075
Okay. Here is a baby pool
that you are all gonna get into.
260
00:12:23,143 --> 00:12:26,278
And, uh, there's a lot of hay,
and there's
some chickens and ducks.
261
00:12:26,346 --> 00:12:29,091
What the hell, bro?
Is that supposed to be dirt?
It smells like shit.
262
00:12:29,115 --> 00:12:31,716
It is shit.
This is a barnyard.
263
00:12:31,784 --> 00:12:33,763
No one is going to
step in shit, all right?
264
00:12:33,787 --> 00:12:36,499
Uh... Rex, are you kidding me?
Seriously? You're just gonna
step right in it?
265
00:12:36,523 --> 00:12:38,563
I wanna win, bro.
Billboard.
266
00:12:42,696 --> 00:12:45,941
Dee, what is this getup?
What are you doing now?
What is that?
267
00:12:45,965 --> 00:12:48,600
[Chinese Accent]
Oh, okay.
This is Taiwan Tammy.
268
00:12:48,668 --> 00:12:54,305
She on runway
and do a drag queen and nails.
Oh, thank you.
269
00:12:54,374 --> 00:12:57,709
Are you kidding me?
That is extremely racist!
Isn't it awesome?
270
00:12:57,777 --> 00:13:00,979
I'm so excited about this one.
All right. Well,
good luck to you on that.
271
00:13:01,047 --> 00:13:02,847
Why are your hands
in your pockets?
272
00:13:02,916 --> 00:13:05,550
They're itchy.
Your hands are itchy?
273
00:13:05,619 --> 00:13:08,765
My hands are a little itchy.
Your hands are in your pockets
'cause they're itchy?
274
00:13:08,789 --> 00:13:10,955
Goddamn it! I knew it!
Charlie, what are you doing?
275
00:13:11,024 --> 00:13:13,636
I said no Greenman!
Greenman sells
this whole thing!
276
00:13:13,660 --> 00:13:16,261
It doesn't make any sense!
Goddamn it, Charlie!
277
00:13:16,329 --> 00:13:18,330
Hey. I know you.
What?
278
00:13:18,398 --> 00:13:22,366
Yeah. You that, uh...
that girl.
Uh, PatheticGirl43.
279
00:13:22,435 --> 00:13:25,169
PatheticGirl?
I almost didn't
recognize you in that getup.
280
00:13:25,238 --> 00:13:28,473
- But I'd recognize
that whiny voice anywhere.
- Yeah!
281
00:13:28,541 --> 00:13:30,386
Hey, you mind if
we get a picture together?
282
00:13:30,410 --> 00:13:32,154
Yeah, let's get a picture!
I mean, my friends...
283
00:13:32,178 --> 00:13:34,323
I can't believe
you recognized us!
They ain't gonna believe this.
284
00:13:34,347 --> 00:13:36,826
You saw
the YouTube thing, right?
Charlie, what is going on?
285
00:13:36,850 --> 00:13:39,450
I'll show you later.
286
00:13:39,519 --> 00:13:43,888
[Sighs]
In other news,
it seems like I have a rash...
287
00:13:43,957 --> 00:13:47,158
in a place where
a sexually active person
should have a rash.
288
00:13:47,226 --> 00:13:49,694
Greenman!
[Cartoon Sound Effects]
289
00:13:49,763 --> 00:13:52,842
Oh, my God!
You put that on YouTube?
Oh, my God. I totally did.
290
00:13:52,866 --> 00:13:54,911
Charlie, why would you
do that to me?
291
00:13:54,935 --> 00:13:57,847
Because that's great stuff.
That is
my private video diary!
292
00:13:57,871 --> 00:13:59,537
80,000 hits.
80,000?
293
00:13:59,606 --> 00:14:02,808
80,000 hits, Dee.
That's huge!
That's a big number.
294
00:14:02,876 --> 00:14:04,420
Yeah. Come on.
Don't take this to heart.
295
00:14:04,444 --> 00:14:05,989
[Exhales]
Don't take this
the wrong way.
296
00:14:06,013 --> 00:14:08,424
Hey, look. You got recognized
on the street today.
That happened.
297
00:14:08,448 --> 00:14:10,215
So did I.
Well, it was me first.
298
00:14:10,284 --> 00:14:13,518
The point is that's
the first step
to becoming hugely famous...
299
00:14:13,586 --> 00:14:16,299
- Pretty awesome.
- is people noticing you
on the Internet.
300
00:14:16,323 --> 00:14:18,801
80,000 hits.
That's a lot of hits, Charlie.
301
00:14:18,825 --> 00:14:21,670
You know what it's like
for Chocolate Rain when
he goes around in the world?
302
00:14:21,694 --> 00:14:24,640
He gets free food.
He gets free everything,
'cause people love that guy.
303
00:14:24,664 --> 00:14:27,631
Charlie, fire up
that video camera.
304
00:14:27,700 --> 00:14:29,367
There you go.
305
00:14:31,571 --> 00:14:35,606
Okay, Anya. So they are,
in fact, double D's.
306
00:14:35,675 --> 00:14:37,976
That's great news.
[Chuckles]
307
00:14:38,044 --> 00:14:40,377
Well, you got a great look...
No denying that.
308
00:14:40,446 --> 00:14:42,425
Let me ask you
a question, though.
309
00:14:42,449 --> 00:14:44,327
Why should I pick you
over the other girls?
310
00:14:44,351 --> 00:14:47,785
I'm willing to do anything
in order to win.
311
00:14:47,854 --> 00:14:50,266
- You're talking about
banging me, right?
- Maybe.
312
00:14:50,290 --> 00:14:52,702
- [Clicks Tongue]
Well, if you say yes...
- Yes.
313
00:14:52,726 --> 00:14:54,270
Okay, great.
You said yes.
314
00:14:54,294 --> 00:14:56,005
Okay. Anya said yes.
That's written down now.
315
00:14:56,029 --> 00:14:57,740
Yes.
That's like a contract.
All right. Perfect.
316
00:14:57,764 --> 00:15:00,476
You can't go back on it.
All right. Well,
thank you for coming in.
317
00:15:00,500 --> 00:15:02,044
Thank you.
Nice talking to you.
318
00:15:02,068 --> 00:15:04,235
You too.
You got a great shot.
319
00:15:04,304 --> 00:15:07,171
You got a great ass.
All right.
320
00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:09,307
Wow.
[Door Opens]
321
00:15:09,376 --> 00:15:11,943
- Hi.
- Hi! Rachelle!
322
00:15:12,011 --> 00:15:14,545
Yes.
Rachelle,
Rachelle, Rachelle.
323
00:15:14,614 --> 00:15:18,049
Thank you for coming in.
I'm having all the girls come in
just to make sure we vibe.
324
00:15:18,118 --> 00:15:21,686
- Of course.
- What's the difference between
you and the rest of the girls?
325
00:15:21,755 --> 00:15:25,956
Well, my heart is in this 100%,
326
00:15:26,025 --> 00:15:28,059
and for more
than just a billboard.
327
00:15:28,128 --> 00:15:30,795
For more than a billboard?
That's interesting.
328
00:15:30,864 --> 00:15:33,297
- I haven't heard that yet.
- No?
329
00:15:33,366 --> 00:15:35,078
I feel like there's vibing
happening right now.
330
00:15:35,102 --> 00:15:37,942
- This is the vibing
I'm talking about.
- Yeah.
331
00:15:38,005 --> 00:15:40,249
- I feel like we're
completing each other's...
- Sentences.
332
00:15:40,273 --> 00:15:42,273
Yeah!
I was gonna say "sentences"!
[Laughs]
333
00:15:42,342 --> 00:15:43,862
I know.
Oh, my God.
334
00:15:43,910 --> 00:15:45,643
- How did you read my...
- Mind.
335
00:15:45,712 --> 00:15:47,072
I was gonna say "head."
Oh.
336
00:15:47,114 --> 00:15:48,857
But that's okay.
That's all right.
337
00:15:48,881 --> 00:15:50,593
We got... We're one for two.
338
00:15:50,617 --> 00:15:52,962
Okay.
That's okay.
Fifty percent.
339
00:15:52,986 --> 00:15:55,586
- You and I are gonna
get along very well.
- [Laughs]
340
00:16:00,227 --> 00:16:04,562
Rex, that is a sexy jaguar.
341
00:16:04,631 --> 00:16:09,067
I mean, that jaguar is fierce!
342
00:16:09,136 --> 00:16:12,296
I've-I've... I've never
been turned on
by a jaguar before.
343
00:16:12,339 --> 00:16:16,507
This has totally changed
my mind toward jaguars.
344
00:16:16,576 --> 00:16:17,942
[Slide Projector Clicks]
345
00:16:18,011 --> 00:16:23,647
Dennis, your mule is shit.
I am no longer
turned on by mules.
346
00:16:23,716 --> 00:16:26,650
You gave Rex "jaguar"!
There aren't jaguars in barns!
347
00:16:26,719 --> 00:16:30,199
Plus, what the hell am I
supposed to do with a mule?
You can't make a mule sexy.
348
00:16:30,223 --> 00:16:32,824
Dennis, you've been out-modeled.
349
00:16:32,892 --> 00:16:35,960
I have not been out-modeled.
I haven't even
begun to work this hot body.
350
00:16:36,029 --> 00:16:37,528
What's the next event?
351
00:16:38,832 --> 00:16:41,465
The clothes-off pose-off.
352
00:16:41,534 --> 00:16:44,369
♪♪ [Disco]
353
00:16:47,874 --> 00:16:49,940
Oh!
Jesus Christ, Frank!
354
00:16:50,009 --> 00:16:52,154
That burns! What...
What are you doing?
355
00:16:52,178 --> 00:16:54,445
Anything can happen
on a runway, Dennis.
356
00:16:54,514 --> 00:16:57,415
Nobody's gonna throw detergent
in my eyeballs
on a runway, Frank!
357
00:16:57,483 --> 00:17:01,218
And you think that was bad,
check out this tasty delight.
358
00:17:01,287 --> 00:17:03,421
You gotta eat cockroaches next.
359
00:17:03,490 --> 00:17:07,025
You know, man, screw this.
I'm outta here.
360
00:17:07,094 --> 00:17:08,593
Finished.
361
00:17:08,661 --> 00:17:11,196
Jesus, Rex.I didn't tell youto start eating yet.
362
00:17:11,264 --> 00:17:13,164
That doesn't disqualify me,
does it?
363
00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:16,534
- No, you're good.
- [Sighs]
364
00:17:16,603 --> 00:17:20,438
Oh, hey, diary. Listen.
Today was the worst day ever.
365
00:17:20,507 --> 00:17:22,547
I had an audition
and I didn't get the part,
366
00:17:22,575 --> 00:17:24,287
which is really,
really strange for me.
367
00:17:24,311 --> 00:17:26,655
But then
the casting director called
and they were, like,
368
00:17:26,679 --> 00:17:28,757
"We thought
you were just better
for a different part."
369
00:17:28,781 --> 00:17:30,559
And I was, like,
"That makes more sense."
370
00:17:30,583 --> 00:17:32,228
Cut, cut!
What are you doing?
That was great.
371
00:17:32,252 --> 00:17:34,730
What are you doing?
Why don't you do it like
you did the first time?
372
00:17:34,754 --> 00:17:37,533
- This is just weird.
- This is what I do. I talk
into the camera about my life.
373
00:17:37,557 --> 00:17:41,103
You never do this. You have
all these colors on your face.
Your mouth is going like this...
374
00:17:41,127 --> 00:17:43,205
Don't bust my balls.
This is great exposure for me.
This is stupid.
375
00:17:43,229 --> 00:17:44,907
[Door Closes]Hey, Charlie.You are here! Dee!
376
00:17:44,931 --> 00:17:47,009
What the hell's going on?
She looks like a clown.
I don't know.
377
00:17:47,033 --> 00:17:48,577
Get outta here!
Like a porn star
or something.
378
00:17:48,601 --> 00:17:50,312
He almost didn't
recognize you!
You guys shooting a porn?
379
00:17:50,336 --> 00:17:52,014
- No, we're not...
- Never mind. I don't care.
380
00:17:52,038 --> 00:17:54,250
Listen, we need to get that
company credit card from Frank.
Yeah? What's up?
381
00:17:54,274 --> 00:17:55,651
Man, dude, I realized something.
382
00:17:55,675 --> 00:17:57,453
I don't need validation anymore.
How great is that?
383
00:17:57,477 --> 00:17:59,421
But what I do need is
the company credit card...
384
00:17:59,445 --> 00:18:01,724
so that I can
buy myself a billboard,
get myself out there...
385
00:18:01,748 --> 00:18:03,459
and show the entire world
that Dennis Reynolds...
386
00:18:03,483 --> 00:18:05,461
still has a rocking body
that deserves to be worshipped.
387
00:18:05,485 --> 00:18:07,530
Get out of here!
We're in the middle
of something!
388
00:18:07,554 --> 00:18:09,498
- No, you get out of here!
- This is my place!
389
00:18:09,522 --> 00:18:11,756
I need that billboard!
Hang on a second.
390
00:18:11,824 --> 00:18:13,558
Okay, look. Guys, guys.
[Sighs]
391
00:18:13,626 --> 00:18:15,604
There's a way to make you guys
both happy, all right?
392
00:18:15,628 --> 00:18:17,328
I got a pretty good plan
how to do this.
393
00:18:19,232 --> 00:18:23,000
Hey, everybody.
PatheticGirl43 here,
coming to you live...
394
00:18:23,069 --> 00:18:25,637
with Philadelphia's
next top model, Dennis Reynolds.
395
00:18:25,705 --> 00:18:28,673
Dennis, tell us what it's like
to be so handsome.
396
00:18:28,742 --> 00:18:31,887
Well, I like to think I've been
this handsome since birth,
possibly even earlier...
397
00:18:31,911 --> 00:18:33,578
Oh!
Greenman!
398
00:18:33,647 --> 00:18:35,580
[Gasping]
399
00:18:40,486 --> 00:18:44,288
This shamrock will be awarded
to the winner...
400
00:18:44,357 --> 00:18:48,426
as a symbol of my vote
and love for this competition.
401
00:18:49,496 --> 00:18:52,931
Rachelle, you taught me
about love,
402
00:18:52,999 --> 00:18:55,499
respect, inner beauty.
403
00:18:58,438 --> 00:19:02,840
Dominique, you banged me,
like, right away.
404
00:19:02,909 --> 00:19:04,453
[Chuckles]
I hardly had to do anything.
405
00:19:04,477 --> 00:19:05,976
Tabitha, you did the same.
406
00:19:06,046 --> 00:19:08,345
But most importantly,
you banged each other.
407
00:19:09,715 --> 00:19:11,849
And you let me watch.
408
00:19:11,917 --> 00:19:13,785
Awesome.
[Inhales]
409
00:19:13,853 --> 00:19:17,955
[Sighs]
But when I was making
this decision,
410
00:19:18,024 --> 00:19:21,225
I thought long and hard,
and I thought,
"I have to go with my heart."
411
00:19:22,295 --> 00:19:25,396
"I have to go with my heart."
412
00:19:25,464 --> 00:19:30,935
So I'm gonna do something
a little unorthodox here.
[Sighs]
413
00:19:31,004 --> 00:19:32,844
A top o' the morning...
to both of you!
414
00:19:32,906 --> 00:19:34,917
- [Both Screaming]
- [Rachelle]What?
415
00:19:34,941 --> 00:19:36,708
I had two of them!
I had another one here.
416
00:19:36,776 --> 00:19:38,876
I tricked you.
I got both of you guys.
417
00:19:38,945 --> 00:19:41,879
But you just said
that I taught you
about inner beauty and respect.
418
00:19:41,948 --> 00:19:45,916
Yeah, but this whole thing's
about banging,
and you didn't bang me. So...
419
00:19:45,985 --> 00:19:47,885
You're a dick!
I know!
420
00:19:47,953 --> 00:19:49,887
And that's what I learned.
[Chuckles]
421
00:19:51,157 --> 00:19:55,226
Hey-o! Check it out.
Check it out!
422
00:19:55,295 --> 00:19:57,572
What is it?
I'll tell you
what it is, bitch.
423
00:19:57,596 --> 00:20:00,275
[Door Closes]
It's a YouTube video that me,
Dee and Charlie just made.
424
00:20:00,299 --> 00:20:02,900
It's gonna get a million hits.
So guess what, pal?
425
00:20:02,969 --> 00:20:05,369
Don't need your billboard.
I'm going viral.
426
00:20:05,438 --> 00:20:08,417
I'm glad you don't need it,
because you can't have it
because it's already up.
427
00:20:08,441 --> 00:20:11,575
What?
Yeah. I put it up right
after you called me ugly.
428
00:20:11,644 --> 00:20:13,744
There's no billboard?
429
00:20:13,813 --> 00:20:16,981
Oh, yeah.
Sorry about that, Rex.
My bad.
430
00:20:17,050 --> 00:20:21,819
So, wait. If you already
put the billboard up,
wh-what did you put on it?
431
00:20:21,888 --> 00:20:24,355
♪♪ [Disco]
432
00:20:28,929 --> 00:20:30,862
[Synthesized Voice]
♪ A.R.S. ♪
433
00:20:32,632 --> 00:20:34,565
♪ A.R.S. ♪
434
00:20:36,102 --> 00:20:38,036
♪ A.R.S. ♪
435
00:20:57,657 --> 00:20:59,590
♪♪ [Ends]
436
00:21:02,662 --> 00:21:05,596
[Voices Speaking Backwards]
39186
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