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1
00:00:03,370 --> 00:00:04,531
[Siren]
2
00:00:04,571 --> 00:00:06,266
Ow!
3
00:00:06,306 --> 00:00:08,900
[Groaning]
4
00:00:08,942 --> 00:00:12,139
I can't believe that bitch shot me!
5
00:00:12,179 --> 00:00:14,147
You gotta take me to the hospital.
6
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You know I can't do that, Jimmy.
7
00:00:16,250 --> 00:00:17,581
I'm dying, bra!
8
00:00:17,618 --> 00:00:19,416
You ain't gonna die. Say it.
9
00:00:19,453 --> 00:00:20,852
I'm all shot up, man.
10
00:00:20,888 --> 00:00:22,378
♪ You ain't gonna die ♪
11
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♪ Say the freaking words ♪
12
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I ain't gonna die. I ain't gonna die.
13
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I ain't gonna die.
14
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[Cheering]
15
00:00:31,231 --> 00:00:33,632
Folks, put it all together for Taqu'il!
16
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- MITZI: Taqu'il everybody!
- TAQU'IL: He's a skeet,
17
00:00:34,868 --> 00:00:38,065
- And his new film is Some Like It Crook.
- He's a rapper!
18
00:00:38,105 --> 00:00:41,200
- And was that a new Scion tC?
- Yeah, man.
19
00:00:41,241 --> 00:00:44,142
Scion's full on behind the movie,
cross-promotions,
20
00:00:44,177 --> 00:00:47,613
tie-ins, doing big-ass direct mailings.
21
00:00:47,648 --> 00:00:51,050
- Yeah!
- Bringing us to our item of the day.
22
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[Cheering]
23
00:00:53,887 --> 00:00:56,015
VERL: Did you get one of these
in the mail?
24
00:00:56,056 --> 00:00:57,046
MITZI: Yeah!
25
00:00:57,090 --> 00:00:58,751
CREWS: And phase one begins, Stan.
26
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Is your ass ready to be rocked?
27
00:01:01,128 --> 00:01:02,493
- Why--
- I ask you.
28
00:01:02,529 --> 00:01:03,928
Why is he on our network?
29
00:01:03,964 --> 00:01:08,197
Because... It's too complicated
for me to explain.
30
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- What--
- I know. That's how great it is.
31
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KILLFACE: Great?
My God, it's fantastic.
32
00:01:14,942 --> 00:01:19,277
Simon, look, look, look.
Papa's postcard is on telly.
33
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Don't.
34
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1 won't let you spoil this mood.
35
00:01:27,454 --> 00:01:28,819
You hear this?
36
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- You hear me smiling?
- [Door closes]
37
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[Sighs]
38
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- Sinn?
- Yes, sire?
39
00:01:35,028 --> 00:01:37,190
Simon's had another spill.
40
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If he always throws his food
on the floor, how is he so fat?
41
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[Crying]
42
00:01:43,470 --> 00:01:44,562
No, son...
43
00:01:44,605 --> 00:01:47,040
- Now look what you've done!
- Sire, I'm sorry.
44
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Apologize to his self-esteem!
45
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We've talked about the chubby cycle.
46
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One snarky comment like that,
he's right back in the cupboard.
47
00:01:54,014 --> 00:01:56,449
- And he was doing so well.
- Yes, sire.
48
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3 pounds this week Sinn. Shut up.
49
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Just shut up and eat that cereal.
50
00:01:59,920 --> 00:02:01,615
It's got glass in it.
51
00:02:03,890 --> 00:02:05,255
[Sinn sighs]
52
00:02:07,661 --> 00:02:10,722
- MITZI: Oh, my God, I know! Verl's like--
- VERL: I'm like, did you see this?
53
00:02:10,764 --> 00:02:14,223
Skid row's half out of a mind this thing!
54
00:02:14,267 --> 00:02:16,361
- This guy, this--what is it?
- Killface.
55
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Yes! And I mean he's terrifying.
56
00:02:19,239 --> 00:02:22,072
Yes, he's evil personified!
57
00:02:22,109 --> 00:02:24,043
Yeah, but cameraman,
can you push in on this?
58
00:02:24,077 --> 00:02:29,379
It says, "Welcome to
you-apostrophe-re doom.”
59
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- And he's got "doom" in quotes!
- MITZI AND TAQU'IL: Yeah!
60
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Which it shouldn't be!
61
00:02:33,120 --> 00:02:34,952
Oh, I just hate it when people do that.
62
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I just want to throw acid in their face.
63
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- Do you know what I mean? Yes!
- Nice use.
64
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Send a postcard to strong and white.
65
00:02:42,229 --> 00:02:44,789
Oh, I'm gonna throw it out, right?
66
00:02:44,831 --> 00:02:48,290
But then Rose is like,
"Boo, there's a coupon on there.”
67
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3-piece 6.99.
68
00:02:50,904 --> 00:02:52,838
See, it's so funny with the coupons.
69
00:02:52,873 --> 00:02:54,034
Well, it was good for a laugh.
70
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OK, the movie is Some Like It Crook.
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TAQU'IL: It opens Friday. Check it out.
72
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VERL: Folks, Taqu'il!
73
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MITZI: Yeah! Put it all together.
74
00:03:04,117 --> 00:03:06,108
Valerie!
75
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Why does it say,
"Welcome to you are doom?"
76
00:03:09,456 --> 00:03:10,946
What does that even mean?
77
00:03:10,991 --> 00:03:13,824
And why, for God sakes,
is "doom" in quotes?
78
00:03:13,860 --> 00:03:16,386
- I don't know.
- Is this some sort of ironic doom?
79
00:03:16,430 --> 00:03:17,898
Is the wink implied?
80
00:03:17,931 --> 00:03:20,093
- No. I don't know.
- No, it isn't.
81
00:03:20,133 --> 00:03:24,331
So please tell me how and why
I'm suddenly a laughing stock.
82
00:03:24,371 --> 00:03:27,966
Uh, 'cause you signed off on the proofs.
83
00:03:35,482 --> 00:03:39,112
Then we pump those profits
back into the profit cycle
84
00:03:39,152 --> 00:03:41,450
to generate even more profits.
85
00:03:41,488 --> 00:03:43,252
And I know what you're gonna say.
86
00:03:43,290 --> 00:03:44,280
Profits?
87
00:03:44,324 --> 00:03:46,418
Yes, Stan, you're soaking in them.
88
00:03:47,461 --> 00:03:49,020
- Thoughts?
- Harrumph.
89
00:03:49,062 --> 00:03:50,791
Dude, are you even listening?
90
00:03:50,831 --> 00:03:53,994
Sorry, I was jonesing for a chick parm.
91
00:03:54,034 --> 00:03:56,560
- Harrumph.
- Nope. Go get your own.
92
00:03:56,603 --> 00:03:59,300
And then find me that printer
so I can cut his arms off.
93
00:03:59,339 --> 00:04:00,829
But you signed off on--
94
00:04:00,874 --> 00:04:03,468
Mention those proofs again
and just see what happens, Valerie!
95
00:04:03,510 --> 00:04:04,841
Look, bad grammar aside,
96
00:04:04,878 --> 00:04:07,745
40 million people just saw your postcard.
97
00:04:07,781 --> 00:04:09,806
Bugger me. They poll those numbers?
98
00:04:09,850 --> 00:04:11,841
It's the highest-rated daytime show ever.
99
00:04:11,885 --> 00:04:14,217
Oh, I hate America.
100
00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:16,313
And their booker owes me a favor.
101
00:04:16,356 --> 00:04:18,620
No, she doesn't!
102
00:04:18,658 --> 00:04:21,855
Valerie, if you could get me on
"Live with Mitzi and Verl", I don't...
103
00:04:21,895 --> 00:04:22,919
Oh!
104
00:04:22,963 --> 00:04:24,055
Now, I'd want 2 segments,
105
00:04:24,097 --> 00:04:26,225
and not the one
right after Verl's monologue.
106
00:04:26,266 --> 00:04:29,327
That's--that's garbage time.
But the next 2 after the break.
107
00:04:29,369 --> 00:04:32,805
Valerie, you get me on there,
and you just name your reward.
108
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I'd like for you to let me go.
109
00:04:37,944 --> 00:04:40,572
Well, you know, except for that.
110
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[Cheering]
111
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VERL: We are back!
112
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- And can you believe those girls?
- Yeah!
113
00:04:50,624 --> 00:04:52,353
That was the Lenox Avenue Ladybugs,
114
00:04:52,392 --> 00:04:54,121
double-dutch city champs of New York.
115
00:04:54,161 --> 00:04:57,893
You know, I used to be pretty good
at the old jump rope, Verl.
116
00:04:57,931 --> 00:05:00,400
Oh, you want to get the girls back out here
117
00:05:00,433 --> 00:05:02,492
- and see what Mitzi can do?
- [Cheering]
118
00:05:02,536 --> 00:05:05,198
Who wants to see me get
my double-dutch on?
119
00:05:05,238 --> 00:05:07,673
OK, let's bring 'em out, and--what?
120
00:05:07,707 --> 00:05:10,267
What? Oh, Melmann says
we don't have time.
121
00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:12,176
Oh, isn't he a poop?
122
00:05:12,212 --> 00:05:14,977
And we don't have time
because our next guest--
123
00:05:15,015 --> 00:05:16,608
You can do this.
124
00:05:16,650 --> 00:05:17,742
Hello, Verl.
125
00:05:17,784 --> 00:05:18,979
And you must be Mitzi.
126
00:05:19,019 --> 00:05:20,919
Oh, the crowd loves me.
127
00:05:20,954 --> 00:05:23,286
Holy baloney! This guy!
128
00:05:23,323 --> 00:05:24,950
We talked about him last week.
129
00:05:24,991 --> 00:05:27,756
- Remember when Taqu'il was on?
- Oh!
130
00:05:27,794 --> 00:05:30,627
Is Taqu'il not the bomb?
131
00:05:30,664 --> 00:05:32,359
Am I right, girls?
132
00:05:32,399 --> 00:05:36,666
I mean I'm married,
but ll ain't that married.
133
00:05:36,703 --> 00:05:38,102
Ho, ho, ho!
134
00:05:38,138 --> 00:05:39,833
I hope Lloyd's not watching.
135
00:05:39,873 --> 00:05:42,672
Lloyd knows I don't like
black guys anymore.
136
00:05:42,709 --> 00:05:44,734
And he better be at work.
137
00:05:44,778 --> 00:05:48,271
- The bling bling ain't free, Verl.
- Holy smokes!
138
00:05:48,315 --> 00:05:50,283
Would you look at the size of that thing.
139
00:05:50,317 --> 00:05:53,947
- Dude, that's gotta be 6 carats.
- Mmm.
140
00:05:53,987 --> 00:05:55,978
- They are so in love!
- Yeah!
141
00:05:56,022 --> 00:05:59,287
And I'm in love with our next guest.
He's--no.
142
00:05:59,326 --> 00:06:01,818
Oh, we gotta take a break.
We'll be right back, folks.
143
00:06:01,862 --> 00:06:02,988
What?
144
00:06:03,029 --> 00:06:05,999
They just wasted
my entire first segment just gibbering!
145
00:06:06,032 --> 00:06:10,560
No, that's the kind of snappy repartee
we love over at Scion, man.
146
00:06:10,604 --> 00:06:12,698
Hi, Charles Chomers, Scion Marketing.
147
00:06:12,739 --> 00:06:14,867
You can call me Chuck.
148
00:06:14,908 --> 00:06:17,707
Yeah, how's the health plan over at Scion?
149
00:06:17,744 --> 00:06:19,906
It's great! FPO, man.
150
00:06:23,116 --> 00:06:24,914
CHUCK: Ah!
151
00:06:24,951 --> 00:06:26,441
My skin!
152
00:06:26,486 --> 00:06:29,319
We are back with our next guest.
153
00:06:29,356 --> 00:06:31,188
He calls himself the scourge of God,
154
00:06:31,224 --> 00:06:33,716
says he's gonna push
the planet into the sun.
155
00:06:33,760 --> 00:06:41,497
Bing bong bing.
Make some noise for Killface!
156
00:06:41,534 --> 00:06:43,764
Um. Thank you.
157
00:06:43,803 --> 00:06:46,329
What, is the applause sign broken?
158
00:06:46,373 --> 00:06:47,238
[Small applause]
159
00:06:47,274 --> 00:06:48,901
- Thanks.
- Don't listen to them.
160
00:06:48,942 --> 00:06:51,809
- Terrible crowd.
- Yeah!
161
00:06:51,845 --> 00:06:55,907
Maybe they had some
of the green room snacks.
162
00:06:57,918 --> 00:07:00,046
- Hmm.
- So, big guy.
163
00:07:00,086 --> 00:07:01,815
You're gonna destroy the world?
164
00:07:01,855 --> 00:07:03,323
Uh, yes. That's my ultimate goal.
165
00:07:03,356 --> 00:07:04,846
Big guy is right.
166
00:07:04,891 --> 00:07:06,825
Oh, look at those pecs.
167
00:07:06,860 --> 00:07:07,793
[Cheering]
168
00:07:07,827 --> 00:07:08,760
Right?
169
00:07:08,795 --> 00:07:10,593
I would kill for a chest like that.
170
00:07:10,630 --> 00:07:12,428
[Laughing]
171
00:07:12,465 --> 00:07:14,763
I wish I had someone like her growing up.
172
00:07:14,801 --> 00:07:16,929
Dude, save it for group.
173
00:07:16,970 --> 00:07:18,836
Tell me you work out.
174
00:07:18,872 --> 00:07:20,567
Not as often as I should, I'm afraid.
175
00:07:20,607 --> 00:07:22,769
Somebody's fishing for a compliment.
176
00:07:22,809 --> 00:07:24,641
No, no. Honestly.
177
00:07:24,678 --> 00:07:25,770
- MITZI: Ah!
- What?
178
00:07:25,812 --> 00:07:28,008
He should come on for Fitness Friday!
179
00:07:28,048 --> 00:07:30,915
- Absolutely, definitely he should!
- Am I right?
180
00:07:30,951 --> 00:07:33,511
Fitness Fridays.
Big guy, how much you bench?
181
00:07:33,553 --> 00:07:35,385
Oh, you know, I don't know really.
182
00:07:35,422 --> 00:07:36,685
I'll bet you do 240.
183
00:07:36,723 --> 00:07:38,487
Actually it's closer to 900.
184
00:07:38,525 --> 00:07:40,050
900 pounds, this guy!
185
00:07:40,093 --> 00:07:42,061
Oh, no, sorry. That's kilos.
186
00:07:42,095 --> 00:07:44,655
- 900 kilograms?
- Well, he's foreign, Verl.
187
00:07:44,698 --> 00:07:46,689
- That's like a Scion!
- What?
188
00:07:46,733 --> 00:07:48,326
Think you could?
Think you could?
189
00:07:48,368 --> 00:07:50,359
- Think you could bench a Scion?
- I don't know--
190
00:07:50,403 --> 00:07:52,201
- He should bench a Scion.
- Fitness Friday. You come back.
191
00:07:52,238 --> 00:07:55,105
We'll get with the good folks at Scion,
192
00:07:55,141 --> 00:07:57,439
and you'll bench a new Scion tC.
193
00:07:57,477 --> 00:07:59,275
- All right?
- Please stop talking.
194
00:07:59,312 --> 00:08:03,510
Oh, boy. Randy,
tell him about the new Scion tC.
195
00:08:03,550 --> 00:08:05,780
RANDY: Introducing the Scion tC.
196
00:08:05,819 --> 00:08:07,878
The bold, sleek styling is all like ka-kow,
197
00:08:07,921 --> 00:08:10,253
but the 2.4 liter dual overhead cam engine
198
00:08:10,290 --> 00:08:14,227
with 160 horsepower is all like ka-kow!
199
00:08:14,260 --> 00:08:15,659
The Scion tC, Verl.
200
00:08:15,695 --> 00:08:17,527
It's what moves you.
201
00:08:17,564 --> 00:08:18,588
[Cheering]
202
00:08:18,631 --> 00:08:20,531
What moves you indeed, Randy.
203
00:08:20,567 --> 00:08:22,262
I'd like to take that to the beach.
204
00:08:22,302 --> 00:08:25,431
Yeah. You at the beach.
With your skin?
205
00:08:25,472 --> 00:08:27,702
- Love the Scion tC.
- Why did you--
206
00:08:27,741 --> 00:08:29,038
Love, love, love the Scion tC.
207
00:08:29,075 --> 00:08:31,908
- Rose is in my ear 24I7.
- Knowing Rose, it's 2518.
208
00:08:31,945 --> 00:08:33,538
I want you to stop talking.
209
00:08:33,580 --> 00:08:35,514
Verl, what about the new Scion tC?
210
00:08:35,548 --> 00:08:37,539
Verl, let's get a new Scion tC.
211
00:08:37,584 --> 00:08:39,643
Verl, with a new panoramic
212
00:08:39,686 --> 00:08:40,812
power glide moon roof
213
00:08:40,854 --> 00:08:43,915
and a 2-in-one carpet with cargo mats,
you can't go wrong.
214
00:08:43,957 --> 00:08:46,119
Verl, Verl, Verl!
215
00:08:46,159 --> 00:08:48,150
VERL: With our new Scion tC--
216
00:08:48,194 --> 00:08:49,286
XTACLE: Oh, my God. I need that.
217
00:08:49,329 --> 00:08:52,890
- You have to get her one.
- I know. It's a great car.
218
00:08:52,932 --> 00:08:55,492
MITZI: The amber instrument panel
illumination is standard, Verl.
219
00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:56,934
Standard!
220
00:08:56,970 --> 00:08:58,665
Scion tC!
221
00:08:58,705 --> 00:09:00,503
Scio-wrong tC!
222
00:09:00,540 --> 00:09:03,100
Should I get Rose a new Scion tC?
223
00:09:03,143 --> 00:09:05,475
It's got an mp3 player jack
224
00:09:05,512 --> 00:09:08,106
for ripping and burning or whatever!
225
00:09:08,148 --> 00:09:10,310
- What do you think, big guy?
- 1 don't know.
226
00:09:10,350 --> 00:09:12,580
What's not to know? It's a great car.
227
00:09:12,619 --> 00:09:16,112
Verl, you should get
everybody a Scion tC.
228
00:09:16,156 --> 00:09:17,351
No, Ronnie.
229
00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:19,688
They're going nuts for it. Listen.
230
00:09:19,726 --> 00:09:20,716
[Cheering]
231
00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:22,956
Also, can you transfer me to HR?
232
00:09:22,996 --> 00:09:25,897
They're eager for a new Scion, Verl.
233
00:09:25,932 --> 00:09:27,161
OK, OK!
234
00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:29,225
Everybody, look under your seats!
235
00:09:29,269 --> 00:09:31,863
Stop it!
236
00:09:31,905 --> 00:09:34,340
First of all, Oprah already gave
her audience cars.
237
00:09:34,374 --> 00:09:36,706
Not the new Scion tC she didn't.
238
00:09:36,743 --> 00:09:37,904
Then you waste one segment
239
00:09:37,944 --> 00:09:40,242
clucking like a goose about that damn ring.
240
00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:42,009
And I hope you know a good appraiser,
241
00:09:42,048 --> 00:09:44,210
because if that's not paste,
I'll eat my hat.
242
00:09:44,250 --> 00:09:46,048
Now, my last remaining segment
243
00:09:46,086 --> 00:09:48,418
has fallen victim to Scion fever.
244
00:09:48,455 --> 00:09:51,425
- 'Cause we love the new Scion tC!
- Shut up!
245
00:09:51,458 --> 00:09:54,120
There's a clear line between
entertainment and advertising,
246
00:09:54,160 --> 00:09:56,185
and you've bloody well crossed it.
247
00:09:56,229 --> 00:09:59,824
Those 18 to 24s you're so keen on
detest being pitched to.
248
00:09:59,866 --> 00:10:01,300
And when I destroy the world,
249
00:10:01,334 --> 00:10:04,463
they won't have much use
for 17-inch alloy wheels, so--
250
00:10:04,504 --> 00:10:05,835
- [Laughter]
- What?
251
00:10:05,872 --> 00:10:07,601
No, no, no. Turn that off there.
252
00:10:07,640 --> 00:10:09,005
Stop it.
253
00:10:09,042 --> 00:10:10,441
I won't be your pitch man.
254
00:10:10,477 --> 00:10:12,502
You hear me?
255
00:10:12,545 --> 00:10:13,842
[Sighs]
256
00:10:13,880 --> 00:10:17,646
You're all doomed.
257
00:10:17,684 --> 00:10:21,120
- Doomed to enjoy the new Scion tC.
- Yeah!
258
00:10:21,154 --> 00:10:24,920
'Cause we'll be right back
with new Scion {Cs for everybody.
259
00:10:24,958 --> 00:10:26,187
Yeah!
260
00:10:26,226 --> 00:10:28,251
STAN: That was your big plan?
261
00:10:28,294 --> 00:10:29,819
What did that even accomplish?
262
00:10:29,863 --> 00:10:33,390
- It set the stage for phase 2, Stan.
- What the hell is phase 2?
263
00:10:33,433 --> 00:10:35,026
I'm thinking Las Vegas.
264
00:10:35,068 --> 00:10:38,368
- I like to call it "Lost Wages".
- Nice.
265
00:10:38,404 --> 00:10:40,839
What a colossal waste of time,
266
00:10:40,874 --> 00:10:43,673
and I defy this day to get any worse.
267
00:10:43,710 --> 00:10:45,542
MAN: Hey, there goes the new Scion tC.
268
00:10:45,578 --> 00:10:46,739
2nd MAN: Damn, that is tight!
269
00:10:46,779 --> 00:10:47,871
I hate this country.
270
00:10:47,914 --> 00:10:50,576
XTACLES: Scion tC!
271
00:10:50,617 --> 00:10:52,676
Son of a whore!
272
00:10:52,719 --> 00:10:57,213
Yes, have fun driving
your new Scion tC around on the sun!
273
00:10:58,258 --> 00:11:01,387
Perfectly happy with my gift bag. What?
274
00:11:01,427 --> 00:11:05,330
The Lenox Avenue Ladybugs got fleeces!
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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