Original subtitles

Key to 628, please.

Thanks.

Your reservation's for 27th.

- Sorry. - Manager...

I'm so sorry. You're two days early. Olympic.

Very sorry, sir. You're two days early.

Olympic, you know.

So sorry, sir.

Very sorry. You are two days early. Olympic, you know.

Very sorry, sir.

You are two days early, you know.

I'm very sorry, but not one room in the hotel. Olympic, you know.

- Good afternoon. - Good afternoon.

- I would... - Just a moment, please.

Now.

I'd like to see the ambassador.

So would I, and I've been here for six years.

He's in London at the moment.

Is there anyone here I can talk to?

Well, you can talk to me.

- What can I do for you? - Get me a hotel room for tonight.

- You should go to the consulate. - Can they arrange to get me a room?

I shouldn't think so. It's the Olympics. There's a long waiting list.

- Then why go to the consulate? - That's the procedure.

If you'll just go, there is a gentleman there...

- Who will tell me they have no rooms. - Probably.

Couldn't you tell me and save me the trip?

You should have made a reservation.

I did, but I came here two days early.

If you're due Sunday, you shouldn't be here on Friday.

- Where should I be? - I don't know.

- Now listen, mister... - My name is Julius Haversack.

I'm sorry.

Mr. Haversack, I'm very tired. I've been on a long plane trip.

Now there must be a room in the whole of Tokyo in which I can sleep.

May I see your passport?

You should go to the consulate.

William Rutland.

William Rutland?

Sir William Rutland?

May I say, what a pleasure it is to meet you in person.

- Only if you must. - I'll get our Mr. Wilson to...

Of course, he's out trying to form a cricket team.

Perhaps you'd be interested.

- I'm only interested in getting a room. - Certainly. I'll get our Mr. Emerson...

...who should know where Mr. Wilson is, so that he can call.

2-2-1.

I've forgotten they've changed it to 3-3-1.

Haversack here. Can you tell me where I can reach Mr. Jeffrey Wilson?

I see, yes. Well, if I call Mr. Bennett, he can tell me where I can...

Where I can find Mr. Wilson.

Well, he knows where Mr. Wilson is. All right?

Cheers.

I came about sharing the apartment. How do you do?

How do you do?

This card was on the bulletin board at the embassy.

- But you're a man. - Yes, I suppose so.

I prefer sharing an apartment with a woman.

So do I.

You see, it said, "after 5." You're, as a matter of fact, quite late.

I had some... I'm sorry.

Allow me to introduce myself. I'm William Rutland.

- I'm Christine Easton. - How do you do?

How do you do?

- Please try and understand... - Let me look at the apartment.

It never occurred to me that I should put "female" on the card.

- That's rather good. - It was just my mistake. Really.

I'm only doing this because there's a shortage of rooms.

Yes, Olympics, you know.

I'd heard at the embassy that nobody had any space.

I put this ad that I thought was my patriotic duty.

- Is that the bathroom? - Yes.

So that's where it is. I suppose this is the room.

No, that's my room. I was going to move into the sitting room...

Yes, I noticed. A very comfortable sofa in here.

- Mr. Rutland... - Now, this suits me perfectly.

- You must understand... - Besides...

...it will save you the bother of transferring your things.

- I assume you have bedclothes. - Of course I do.

How much for the rent?

I was going to ask for exactly half of what I pay, 6800 yen a week.

- I'll take it. - Wait a minute...

There's nothing further to discuss. I've taken it.

I don't like tricky people. Besides, this is not proper.

There, 6800 yen... What's not proper?

A man and a woman in the same apartment.

- Well, what's wrong with that? - Well, you know.

- Lf you're thinking like that... - I'm not!

In that case, I'll stay. I paid you a week in advance...

...but if we don't get along after two days, I'll expect a refund.

Jimmy. Jimmy! Bring up the bags, 2A.

Now, where are those bedclothes?

Mr. Rutland, this is impossible!

Mr. Rutland?

Mr. Rutland.

Yes, Miss Easton.

- When do you shower? - Whenever I have to.

- I mean, what time? - Any old time.

I was thinking that as I am, in a manner of speaking, your landlady...

...I should have first call on the bathroom in the...

I wonder if you'd mind not smoking your cigar.

The furniture tends to absorb the odour.

Oh, yes, I...

Now, I've got here a timetable of our morning routine...

...which I thought I'd just tell you about.

7: 15, I shower, before I put on the tea.

Tea? Haven't you any coffee?

- Coffee? - Yes, I prefer coffee.

Well, there's a percolator and coffee in the left-hand cabinet.

Finish with my shower at 7:20, have break...

I think you should make some notes.

- Notes? - Well, you might not remember.

Now you go ahead.

- Now... - May I? Thank you.

I'll require the bathroom again at 7...

- Shower, 7: 15. Breakfast, 7:20. - Well, that's the part I missed.

7:32, I clean my teeth. Well, that takes two minutes...

...which means the bathroom will be yours at 7:34... 7:35, in round figures.

- Then I'll need the bathroom at... - Again?

At 7:42, to put on my makeup and do my hair.

When am I going to...?

Makeup and hair takes 12 minutes, which means...

...you can have the bathroom from 7:22 to 7:32...

...and 7:35 to 7:42.

- 7:42. - Right.

- One more... - Of course...

...after 7:35, you can have the bathroom all day if you like.

Well, I wouldn't know what to do in a bathroom all day.

I'm not quite sure what men do first in the morning.

Tell me, do they shower or shave first?

Well, I don't know either, but personally, I shave before I shower.

Well, you can shave at the 7:22 to 7:30 time...

...and shower at the 7:35, in round figures, to the 7:42 time.

If it will help at all, I'll shower before I shave.

- Whichever is most convenient to you. - I don't want to disrupt anything.

It's six of one and half a dozen of the other.

- In that case, I'll shave first. - Good.

Wait a minute. Miss Easton, have I made a mistake here?

What time do I shower, 7:35 or 7:37?

- 7:37. - Thank you. 7:37.

- Now my clock says 10:35. - 10:35...

Oh, for...

That's right, 10:35. Miss Easton...

...how is it a practical, well-organized girl like yourself isn't married?

As long as we're sharing this apartment, we should respect each other's privacy.

If that's what you want, but it will make things pretty dull around here.

- Good night, Mr. Rutland. - Good night, Miss Easton.

- Good morning, Miss Easton. - It's 7: 15.

- Good morning. - Thought I'd get in before your turn.

Let's keep to the timetable, shall we?

Remember, the coffee percolator is in the left-hand cabinet.

All right, coffee.

By the sink.

Your turn in the bathroom.

Miss Easton, I forgot what we decided.

Was I to shower first, then shave? Or shave first, then shower?

We decided it doesn't really matter. Whichever you prefer.

Now I can't make up my mind.

First, I'll shave and then I'll shower...

Now what...?

What the devil is that?

- Yes. - 7:32.

7:32.

That means you're on time.

The eggs are in the refrigerator.

The saucepan's in the left-hand cabinet.

Good.

Eggs in the fridge.

There they are.

Saucepan, saucepan.

I have the bathroom until 7:42.

She's right. She's absolutely right.

My turn.

I get a lift every morning. The girls will sound their horn in two minutes.

I won't be ready.

All I wanted to tell you was, I don't think we ought to leave together.

- Someone might think that... - Might think what?

- You know. - I insist that we leave separately.

My wife is broad-minded, but other people might not understand.

You're married?

- Well, yes, I'm old enough. - I think you might have told me.

Why? What did you have in mind?

Nothing, but what I wanted to do is explain that...

Now, I think it's only fair that any further instructions or explanations...

...be given on your bathroom time, not mine.

- Morning. - Why didn't you sound the horn?

Louise is going to be late. She had a flat.

I wish you had some coffee.

You do have some. How marvellous.

I seldom have...

I seldom have time...

...for a second cup of coffee and second cigarette.

You don't smoke either, do you?

That's all right, I have some in my purse.

The walls are terribly thin.

- Good morning. - Good morning.

- Did you say something? - Nothing.

Oh, my coffee!

I didn't touch it.

If I'd known you were coming, I'd have made two cups.

That's all right.

Aiko, I don't think you know Mr. Rutland.

Mr. Rutland, this is my friend Ms. Kurawa.

- How do you do? - Yes, we've already met.

Mr. Rutland's staying here temporarily.

He didn't have anywhere to go.

- You know what I thought? - What?

I thought he was a relative.

You mean, it didn't occur to you that perhaps Miss Easton and I were?

That never crossed my mind.

You know, I keep on meaning to tell Louise about those new tires.

She keeps on breaking...

There she is. I'll just get my handbag.

Well, off to the salt mines. Pleasure meeting you, Mr. Rutland.

You may have spoiled my entire day.

- Here. - What?

- Take your key. - What key?

- Come on, hurry up. - I'm coming.

That's what I call coffee.

Sit down. You're lucky I had these contracts ready, you know.

- You're early, you know. - I know, I know.

Sorry I couldn't come to the airport. The car meet you all right?

Yes, thank you. Your Jimmy was there as usual.

- Trouble finding a place to stay? - No, I managed.

I'm sharing an apartment with a young lady.

I was out of town. You could have come to the house.

An attractive young lady.

Just initial it.

A very attractive young lady.

Relative?

Why do I do business with you?

You're gonna do a lot more business with me.

- Here, look at this. - What is it?

- What's so unusual about that? - The size of the unit.

Compact, easy to install. Take this set along with you.

You'll be ordering a lot of these next year.

I doubt it.

- All right, how attractive is she? - None of your business.

We can walk around this way. You should see our new annex.

Yes, I should. I probably paid for it.

Keep the car and Jimmy as long as you're in Tokyo.

- He always enjoys driving you. - Thank you. Good.

It's magnificent.

Let's find out.

Fourteen-inch concrete foundation, steel reinforced, 9-inch clearance.

- And 10, 11, 12-inch steel uprights... - Good morning.

Good morning. - Set 18 inches apart.

- May I ask what you're doing? - No.

Are you looking for something?

Well, you'll have to admit, your actions are rather curious.

Not to me.

Better explain. This man thinks you're a spy.

- He thinks you're a what? - A spy.

Excuse me, sir. May I ask you, what do you make in there?

We make transistors for radio and television.

- I see. Could I buy one? - Yes, of course.

Then I'd be pretty silly wasting my time spying, wouldn't I?

If you can explain...

...I suggest you do it before we have international complications.

I am studying the architecture of this building.

It's a great example of classic oriental design combined with modern style...

...showing a distinct influence of Western civilization...

...with original stress adjustments for earthquakes. All right?

He still wants to see your identification.

Wants to see our identification.

You're with the Olympics.

As a sideline, but I'm an architect by trade.

I'm with Olympic too, from Russia.

Would you lock him up until the Olympics are over?

He's the world-record holder in the high hurdles.

What event are you in?

You're a pretty nosy fellow, aren't you?

Well, goodbye.

Later.

Mind if I walk along with you?

Not if you don't ask any more questions.

What's wrong with asking questions? Are you a spy?

Yes.

I've got a two-way transmitter in here tuned into an offshore submarine.

I got a false beard, a codebook with disappearing ink...

...and a little bottle of cyanide in case I get captured.

I think you've got a few extra things in there while you look for a room.

How is it you're not staying with the American team?

- You said you wouldn't ask questions. - No, I didn't.

I got here two days early, and they had no space ready.

Two days early? That was stupid.

Nothing stupid about it.

Gives me a couple of days to study some of this architecture.

I like that. Very enterprising.

Yes, I admire that. You remind me of myself a few years ago.

Well, quite a few years ago.

Except I was much taller...

...and cleaner.

Well, I slept in the airport all night.

Then I gotta find a room, take a bath so I can get clean.

Tokyo's filled with baths. They're all quite nice.

- Ever try one? - No.

Probably one around here somewhere.

As a matter of fact, I'll join you.

I missed my turn in the bathroom this morning.

Timing was all off.

Let's try this way. My treat.

I've never heard of a practicing architect on an Olympic team.

I've never heard of a grown man being given a bath.

Doesn't travelling with a team interfere with your profession?

Can't you stop being nosy for just one minute?

No, I don't think so.

All right. How else would an insolvent architect...

...have an opportunity to travel, expenses paid, all over the world...

...in order to study the various architectural aspects...?

You were saying.

I was a good athlete in college. I've slowed up a bit...

...but I'm still good enough to compete in one event.

What event is that?

What's she doing now?

- Trimming your toenails. - Who asked her to trim my toenails?

You don't wanna have long toenails. Your wife wouldn't like that.

Are you married?

- I assume that means no. - Yes.

- Yes? - Yes, it means no.

She wants us to go into the bath now.

Aren't they gonna leave, or at least turn around?

I doubt it.

I'll tell him you're keeping the cab. I'll pay the fare up to here.

I'm not in any financial condition to keep a cab and look for a room.

Do you mind if I use your phone?

No, come on up.

The committee promised to find a place for me.

Maybe they got a room here.

I doubt it. I had to fight for the one I've got.

You've asked me a lot of questions, but you haven't told me anything.

What do you do?

- I started with a bicycle shop. - And?

Now I'm in electronics. I'm an industrialist.

And you've got a big factory.

Yes. The largest in England, as a matter of fact.

I started with a canoe. Now I've got a yacht.

The largest in the harbour, as a matter of fact.

To the left.

Not bad.

Telephone's there on the table, just behind you.

Thank you. Not bad at all.

Someone was kind enough to let me use this room temporarily.

That's nice. During emergencies...

...people should be willing to make sacrifices.

No. I sleep there, and...

Hello. Steve Davis.

Has the committee been able to find it?

All right. Thank you.

- Any luck? - No.

I share the apartment with someone.

It's a very tiny apartment.

Of course, if you'd like to leave your bag here, I wouldn't mind that.

I wouldn't mind that.

What have you got against Americans?

Well, nothing. My mother was an American.

Well, then it's your patriotic duty.

- Yes, but it's quite a small apartment. - What do you pay?

6800 yen a week.

- Sounds kind of high. - It is.

- How much is 6800 yen? - Six pounds 10.

- How much is 6800 yen? - Between $18 and $19.

- I'll take it. - No...

You'd let me walk the street, your own mother's fellow countryman.

- I don't like tricky people. - Neither do I.

- So we'll get along fine. Here, $9. - And 50 cents.

And 50 cents. All right.

No wonder you remind me of me. Come on.

There, $9.50.

I'd better explain who we're sharing this apartment with.

They don't bother me, I won't bother them.

- We're getting along just fine. - Shut up.

Good evening.

Good evening.

Miss Ea...

That's attractive. Pretty colour.

Mr. Rutland, I've been thinking it over, and I'm afraid it's not going to work.

I beg your pardon.

I can't have a man living here.

Well, Miss Easton!

Perhaps we could talk it over when you're not so busy.

Well, I'm not busy, and I have thought it over.

You see, the thing is...

Mr. Rutland, I'm terribly sorry. I'll find you somewhere else to live.

Thank you. Excuse me, I'm very busy.

What's the matter with you?

- Now where are you going? - To the bathroom.

- You just went to the bathroom. - I'm going again.

All right, just...

Go to the bathroom.

Thanks a lot.

Mr. Rutland!

- Must you play that so loudly? - Tristan und Isolde!

What did you say?

I said, do you have to play that so loudly?

Tristan und Isolde.

- Who are you? - Who am I? Who are you?

I live here.

I don't think you two have met. Miss Easton, this is Mr. Davis.

- A very nice fellow. - Is this our roommate?

I sublet a half of my half to Mr. Davis.

You don't have half to sublet half of.

Our roommate ended a sentence with a preposition.

- She's excited. - I am not excited.

I am perfectly calm. And I want both of you out of here immediately.

If I'd known it was her, I wouldn't have haggled.

- I wish you'd reconsider. - Shut up and button your shirt.

Miss Easton, I wish you'd reconsider.

I found the poor boy wandering the streets without a place to stay.

- An American. - Do I have to call the manager?

- He's my manager too. I paid my rent. - He's got a point.

I'll give you back all your mo...

Oh, dear. Oh, I spent it all on this.

Oh, and it's worth it too, every yen.

I'll get it from the girls in the...

No credit. Now, let's keep this businesslike.

In a manner of speaking, Miss Easton, that kimono is mine.

Half yours. Half mine.

Very well.

If that's the way you want to play it, then.

All right. All right.

Stay!

There's something I want to explain about the morning routine.

Since she's my landlady, I'm your landlord...

...and that puts you in third position. So you could get into the bathroom...

...around, let me see, around...

Oh, do you shave or shower first?

- Good morning. - Good morning.

- Oh, I put on your kettle. - Thank you.

- Good morning, Mr. Davis. Your turn. - Excuse me. I'm sorry.

- No. It's my turn in the bathroom. - It's not your turn.

We decided that... Just a minute. I haven't got my glasses.

- What does it say? - I'd like to go to the bathroom.

You are supposed to put on your coffee.

I can put on the coffee if you give me your turn.

- I make it a special way. - Wait a minute.

- I'd like to go the bathroom. - We arranged this last night.

Will you please, both of you, keep to the timetable?

Oh, there's the tea.

- Let me see. - Please get the milk.

- Who? - You.

- Where? - Outside in the hall.

I know it's my turn. If I had my glasses, I could prove it.

May I go to the bathroom?

Yes.

Thank you.

Steve!

Steve!

Steve!

Steve.

Oh, for Christ's...

You know a burglar could get in like that?

Don't forget to make your beds.

- Make your bed. - I heard her, I heard her.

You've got a loose corner.

Now, do it neatly. Let's make a good impression.

Go make a good impression on your own bed.

Well.

You always get up like that?

You must have been a joy to your mother.

It's your turn in the bathroom.

Well, you take my turn. I'll make the coffee.

I don't want your turn, I want my turn. I'll make the coffee.

Well, do you know how to make it? You just fill up the...

Her milk.

Please, keep this door closed.

I've still got the bathroom for another 45 seconds, so go away.

- What are you doing out there? - I'm lock ed out.

Again?

Go back to my bedroom. I'll meet you.

I don't know why you need a room. You spend all your time outside.

People keep locking doors around here.

I haven't even got my coffee on.

We're way behind. Do try to stay on the schedule.

I'm lucky if I can stay in the building.

Now.

Oh, yeah.

Here's what happened.

I took it over, brought it back over here...

No, right there.

Excuse me. Did you see a pair of...?

What are you doing with my pants?

- What's she doing with my pants? - What are you doing without them?

Say doumoarigatou. That means "thank you."

- Doumo... - Arigatou.

Arigatou.

Doumoarigatou.

How did you do that?

Breakfast is almost ready.

You look very pretty this morning, Miss Easton.

Thank you, Mr. Rutland.

It's pleasant having company at breakfast, isn't it? Better than no one.

Oh, I'm used to no one.

Steve is here to compete in the Olympics.

Wouldn't you like to know which event?

No.

Well, being so far away from his home and everything, Steve naturally...

You said you weren't married, didn't you, Steve?

Yeah, that's what I said. Yeah.

Muffin?

Thank you.

Talking about marriage...

- Who's talking about marriage? - I am.

Why, you have something against marriage?

No, nothing, nothing. Nor have I got anything against...

...bird watching or Zen Buddhism. It's just not for me, that's all.

- Oh, I don't agree with you. - Oh, I do.

There are some people who should never be married.

Do you know my mother never had a washing machine?

My father was too restless. Never in one place long enough to buy her one.

- It's different with Mr. Haversack. - Oh, he has a washing machine.

He's my fiancé.

Julius D. Haversack.

- Oh, I don't believe that. - You don't believe I'm engaged?

I don't believe there's anybody named Julius D. Haversack.

- Oh, yes, there must be some. I met one. - Really?

Yes. At the embassy. The most officious, obnoxious, little...

Your friend, he's short?

He's medium height.

Spectacles, receding hairline?

High forehead.

Works at the embassy.

Second secretary to the minister of protocol.

- Marmalade. - Marmalade.

Thank you.

Oh, my goodness, that's Aiko. And I'm not nearly ready.

- I can give you a lift. - Morning, Aiko.

Sorry I'm late. Can you believe Louise had another...?

Morning!

- Good morning. - Morning, Ai. Coffee's on.

Thank you. Can you believe Louise had another flat?

Hi.

Hi.

The others don't get up till noon. Don't wait for me. I'm getting a ride to work.

At least.

You and your friend. You've been engaged for two years?

- What makes you say that? - Well, I just guessed it.

- Well, you guessed wrong. - How long have you been engaged?

Twenty-two months.

Oh, well, that's entirely different.

At least I can be assured that I shall have my own washing machine...

...and that Mr. Haversack will not run off to Timbuktu.

Well, maybe he's wanted in Timbuktu under his real name.

- Is this conversation really necessary? - Oh, yes.

He's an Englishman, isn't he?

What's that got to do with it?

It's a perfectly obvious demonstration of a very common phenomenon.

- It is? - Sure, the English are historically...

...low-key. Romantically.

What rubbish! I never heard anything so ridiculous in my whole life.

I don't know. I think he has a point there.

- I'm half American, you know. - I know.

Of all the idiotic... Why, there are millions of people...

Well, what about Henry Vlll?

He was promiscuous, not romantic.

Oh. Well, let's drop the subject.

Sir Walter Raleigh.

He was just courteous.

You see, if he'd been romantic, he'd have carried her across.

Jack the Ripper.

I'd really rather not pursue this topic of conversation any longer.

Here we are.

Well, I insist on paying my share.

How much is it? 120, a third of that. Forty.

Thank you.

Harry Stubs.

Happily married. My cousin. Lives in Brighton. Got eight children.

I'd have taken the bus, so here's my bus fare. 20 yen.

- 30 yen. - Split the difference?

No.

You remind me of myself a few years from now.

Only I'll be much shorter.

Sir William, they have a suite for you at the hotel.

Good. Tell them to hold it for me. Thank you, Jimmy.

It has? Well, that's typical London weather.

No, it's fine here, dear. Beautiful.

Oh, don't worry. I'll be there in plenty of time.

Yes. I've got a reservation on tomorrow night's flight. Yes, darling.

No, I'm not in the hotel. I'm sharing an apartment with a young lady.

Yes, she's quite nice.

All right, dear.

I wouldn't miss it. I'll be there. All right, darling.

Give my love to everyone. Bye-bye.

- Hi. - Hello.

Sit down over there, Yuri, I'll just be a minute.

Going somewhere?

Yeah, we're meeting some of the others and we're going out for dinner.

I'm going out for dinner too. All by myself.

Well, I don't mind. I'll take a book with me because I'll be all alone.

Look, if you'd like to join us...

Thank you. How kind of you to think of it.

Good evening.

Good evening.

- Good evening. - Good evening.

Good evening.

Don't look at me, he's Steve's friend.

My friend Yuri Andreyovitch, Miss Christine Easton.

He's not staying with us. We're just having dinner together.

We're all having dinner together. Come on, now. Get dressed.

Oh, excellent, Somiko. Those are all fine dishes. Doumoarigatou.

Everything's arranged. Here's the menu:

Octopus, tempura, chicken teriyaki...

...seasoned seaweed, boiled eel. Delicious.

- From United States of America.

Cheers!

To Russia. I hope we beat the pants off you.

To our gracious host, Japan.

The easiest way to learn is...

...pick up one grain of rice.

Boy, a guy'd get awfully hungry that way.

Here.

Oh, you'll enjoy that. Raw octopus. Good.

Oh, yes, that's good.

Sir William?

Your ham and eggs.

Yes, good, good. Put it there. That's fine.

Oh, do you have any English muffins and marmalade?

- English muffins, marmalado. - Yes, yes, yes.

Hey, let's have some Russian music.

- Hey, français! - You're not French.

I like their music.

- Viva México! - Viva!

- What does this woman do? - She is Ukrainian shot-putter.

Would you mind putting your shot over there?

- Hey, would you like a cup of coffee? - Oh, no, thank you.

I had a marvellous evening. Thank you very much.

You're welcome.

- Good night. - Good night.

Good night.

- Did you really want some coffee? - Yeah.

Yeah. But I'll make it.

She's a nice girl.

Who? Oh, her? Yeah, she is nice a girl.

- And she likes you. - And she's engaged.

Yes, but no one should be engaged to Julius D. Haversack.

- Now, a fellow like yourself... - Bill.

If I wanted to get married, which I don't...

...if I was the marrying kind, which I'm not...

...if I had enough money to get married, which I haven't...

...it wouldn't be to a girl who insists on dragging a washing machine with her.

- Who's talking about marriage? - You are.

- I think Chris is a very nice girl. - Exactly.

- Well, that's bad? Let me do this. - I got it. Thank you.

There are girls who are nice...

...and there are girls who are... Nice.

Isn't that considered an asset?

Well, yes and no, depending on why.

Excuse me.

I'll bet you your turn in the bathroom that she never... You know.

- No, I don't know. - It's obvious. It sticks out all over her.

- You can tell? - Oh, yeah, easy.

- How? - By the way they look and talk.

One glance and you can tell.

You can tell just by looking at them?

- Sure, you can see it in their eyes. - In their eyes?

- Sure. - Extraordinary.

Then there's the sure-fire way of telling.

What's that?

Well, if you meet a girl who has a...

- Dead giveaway. - Fancy that.

Let me, let me.

Well, Steve, we used to have another theory. We...

We came to the conclusion that if a girl ever said that she was gonna...

And that's how you knew that she's never...

Now that, that is a sure sign.

Well, I'm afraid that theory's out these days.

But if you're such an authority...

...why are you having coffee with me, not Chris?

She's not the kind of a girl that...

Neither am I. Now I don't like to challenge your expert opinion...

...and all those years of research.

I haven't studied it, but I noticed something down here this morning.

Now, what do you think of that?

Doesn't go with your eyes.

But do you believe that a girl who's never...?

Would you believe she'd buy one of these?

No, it was probably given to her as a present.

Yes, but look, you can see right through it. Look at that.

Well, I'm sure she doesn't wear that.

Then what's it doing in the ironing?

Well, she takes it out once a year to rinse it out...

...to wrap it up in tissue to put it back in the drawer.

You've gone too far.

And if you've any sense of decency...

...you'll leave in the morning.

Well, now we'll never know.

- Good morning. - Good morning.

Bill packed and left early.

But he left me a note, and he asked me to give you this.

What is it?

It's a tape recorder. You start it like that.

Miss Easton, you were asleep when I left and I didn't want to disturb you...

...so I tak e this method of offering my apologies for last night.

By the way, I left 9000 yen...

...for the telephone call I made to London. Thank you.

I'd also lik e you to k eep this little tape recorder...

...as a tok en of my gratitude and affection.

Well, there you are.

Thank you.

And by the way, Steve, did you know you talk in your sleep?

What?

And since you're an intelligent, perceptive, sensitive, young man...

...I thought you might enjoy hearing what you said last night.

You said, "Chris, darling Chris."

Of course, I don't remember the exact words, but you did say "darling."

Then you said, "I'd lik e to apologize for what happened last night...

...by taking you in my arms and..."

I'd like to apologize for what happened last night.

That must be Yuri.

He promised to help me look for a room for tonight.

Well, here.

- Hi, Yuri. Come in. - Hi, Steve.

- I just gotta get my stuff. - Yes, you go.

Good morning.

Good morning.

Why you throw out my friend Steve?

- I'm not throwing him out. - You're not?

No, we... It's too complicated to explain.

He's a nice fellow.

- You don't like him. - Yes.

- You like him. - Well, no.

What I mean is that...

...I should never have rented this apartment in the first place.

It's caused so many complications.

I'm not his sort of person, and he's not my sort of person.

I'm supposed to be getting married.

Well, everything was going so smoothly.

But he's very nice fellow.

Well, can you hold this for me?

- Yes. - Thank you.

And thank you very much.

Let's go.

- Dimitri. - Who's that?

He's security officer for Russian team. He follows me.

- Why? - He likes to follow people.

- Your name. - Dimitri, these are my friends.

I know. You've been meeting many times at many places.

I would like to know what are you up to.

- Dimitri! - Camera.

A tape recorder!

I will take it to examine, if you don't mind.

I mind very much.

I must go with him and make the report.

There goes my Sunday! Pages, pages of forms.

I'll see you in the stadium tomorrow.

I don't have a tape recorder or anything like that.

But I'd like to give you something to...

Well, you know, sort of like a going...

Here.

It's lovely.

- I kept it for good luck. - I can't take your good-luck charm.

No, that's all right. You see, if you give it away, you still have good luck.

It's a nice thought.

Can I show you something?

I won that for the high hurdles.

Is that what you're in?

- Is what what I'm in? - The high hurdles.

It's pre-shrunk, so the letter won't run.

Throw it in the washing machine, when you get your washing machine.

Well, I better look for my place to stay.

When do you move into the Olympic quarters?

Tomorrow.

It seems silly to go...

...looking for a place for just one night.

No point just letting a room...

...sit there.

Well, that's great.

It's great... Thank you!

Well, that gives me the whole day off to go sightseeing.

It would be nicer to go sightseeing with somebody...

...someone who's lived here in Japan for a while...

...like you.

I don't think Mr. Haversack would like that.

No, I guess he wouldn't.

No.

Besides, I sort of have a date with him.

Yeah.

Well, that's all right. I can get a guidebook, you know.

Do you think one guidebook would be better than another?

- Mr. Davis. - What?

- What's the time? - Five to 9.

Mr. Haversack sometimes works on a Sunday.

And if he's not going to work, he usually calls me by 10:00.

So if he doesn't call by 10:00...

Then we can go together.

Hello.

Aiko.

Yes, well, I'm not sure if we can make it today.

I'm waiting for Julius to call.

Would you ask her what time she's got?

When he rings, I'll call you back.

Okay. Bye-bye.

You see, well...

...we promised to visit Aiko's parents.

That is, if Mr. Haversack...

...calls before 10:00.

Well, it's just about 10:00.

Is it?

Yeah, as a matter of fact, it's right on the...

I would like to apologize for my former attitude.

That's quite all right.

Now that we are a more friendly basis...

...perhaps we can clear up this entire matter.

I'll take care of this. Hey, now, wait just a minute, you.

Hey, what do you want?

I would like some information about Yuri Andreyovitch and his activities.

Now, wait a minute, fellow.

Somebody wants to make trouble could report you to the Japanese police.

Scram.

Scram! Scram, that means get out now. Right now. Immediately.

You don't want to be friendly?

You look like a nice girl.

Scram.

You two have a lot to learn about peaceful coexistence.

Somebody left the receiver off the hook.

Somebody may be trying to call.

See.

Well, isn't somebody going to answer it?

Hello.

Oh, hello, Julius.

Yes, I'm quite ready.

I'll be downstairs waiting for you.

Goodbye.

- Bye. - Goodbye.

If I hadn't noticed the phone, you wouldn't been able to receive the call.

Yeah.

You, there's no reason we can't get along.

- What do you wanna know? - Everything.

We're building a station between Jupiter and Mars as a resort...

...kind of like your Siberia. And we're working on this secret project.

Secret project.

Yeah, well, we got all these empty toothpaste tubes...

...out there in the satellite.

Of course, you can't just throw them out there...

...in orbit, where they could cause accidents, so we're...

...grinding the tubes into fertilizer to convert them into the succotash.

Succotash?

You see, we're gonna have all this succotash.

You know something that's bugging me?

Why are you so concerned about what I do with my day?

Because I identify with you.

I left you alone with a girl, and she got away.

- I know. - You ought to be ashamed.

What are you so upset about?

Because I find myself identifying with someone I can't identify with.

Let's change the subject. Where are we going?

- On a boat. - Where, "on a boat"?

This way.

The Tokyo Tower is just like the Torrent.

And it's only because of the television mast that it's tall.

Excuse me. I beg your pardon.

I'm very sorry, young man.

- I know you, don't I? - Yes.

- You're Haversack. - Yes, I remember.

Old acquaintance of mine, Julius Haversack. Steve Davis.

- How do you do? - Haversack.

How do you do?

Darling, I'd like to introduce you to Sir William Rutland.

Sir William, this is my fiancée, Miss Christine Easton.

Miss Easton.

Miss Easton, Mr. Davis.

How do you do, Miss Easton?

- Sorry. - It's all right.

- Excuse me. Sit down, Mr. Haversack. - Don't worry at all.

- We'll be back here. - I see.

Extraordinary running into him.

What's this "Sir William" business?

You wanna make something of it?

You're a Sir William, and you haggle about the rent?

That title doesn't pay a penny.

- What do I call you? - Call me anything you like.

I can't call you Bill. How about Rutland?

- Rutland? - Rutland.

- William. - William?

- William. - I'll call you Bill.

Haversack! Beautiful day for a boat ride.

Isn't it? We were just on our way to Mikawa.

It was so lovely, we decided to go by boat.

Mikawa. Good. We're going to Mikawa.

Christine has friends who live there.

- And we've been invited for tea. - That's nice.

Well, we were just going to wander around Mikawa.

If you care to join us, I'm sure they'd be delighted.

Thank you. We've been invited for tea.

Yes, I heard.

I'm on the trail of a room for you. I should know in a day or two.

That's very kind, sir.

There's a housing shortage in Tokyo now.

- Yes, so I understand. - People are doubling and tripling up.

Where are you staying?

He's with the Olympics.

- Then you're well taken care of. - Yes, well taken care of.

What's your event?

I'm hungry.

Miss Easton, what will you have? Tea, rice cakes.

Just tea, thank you.

Haversack, come and select one.

- Bean. - Bean. What about you, Steve?

- Rice for me. - Take that to Miss Easton, will you?

Haversack, be a good fellow, put that over there. That's right.

Thanks. Here we are.

- Steve. - Thank you.

That's fine.

- You asked for bean, didn't you? - Yes.

Well, that's what you got.

How are things at the embassy?

Been in Japan long, Miss Easton?

Shut up!

And after college, a girl I knew recommended me to a firm...

...and they offered me a job.

But I decided to go it on my own.

Work on the kind of design I believe in.

I devised this plan for reciprocal tariff agreements...

...which, needless to say, caused a stir at the embassy.

I'll bet it did.

What about her?

What about who?

The girl who recommended you for the job.

Well, what about her?

Do you know about bonsai trees? They're very famous in Japan.

Last year, Japan imported 1 million, nine...

Now, here's some splendid examples of miniature bonsai trees.

And in New York, I worked very hard. I went to night school.

- You must've been very lonely. - Very busy.

You were saying 1,099,000 tons of what?

- Bonsai. - Incredible.

- I can show you pictures of it. - You should do a book.

I am.

- Didn't you even have a girlfriend? - I had a girlfriend.

- What was she like? - She wanted to get married.

- What happened? - She got married.

Do you know how many component parts...

...to the number 23 transistor we've exported this year alone?

392,004.

- Well, how'd you know that? - I bought them.

- Hi. - Hello.

- It's about time. - Look at you!

My father likes me to dress traditionally when I'm at home.

Where is Mr. Haversack?

I don't know.

- Oh. - What do you mean, "oh"?

I just mean, "oh." Don't make a big megillah out of it.

- Unless it is a big megillah. - You big megillah.

My father, mother. Miss Easton. Mr. Davis.

How do you do?

- I really must go and find them. - No, she's all right.

She's with Steve. Sit.

He offers you congratulations on your engagement.

Thank you.

May your union be blessed with many children.

Many offspring will be pleasing contentment into your lives.

Who me? He thinks we're...? You better tell him.

I know, but let him go on. You'll make him happy. I can explain to him later.

Yeah?

May your house be filled with peace and tranquillity.

This is my father, mother. Mr. Haversack. Mr. Rutland.

- And Sir William Rutland. - How do you do?

Excuse me, I'm going to get some tea.

- Where have you been? - We've been talking about my book.

I didn't...

I've seen this program before.

That's the man who did it.

The television noise bothers Father.

- Sorry. - Thank you.

Aiko, you have to explain.

It's just a present.

Well, what is it, Aiko?

An old Japanese symbol.

What of?

The god of fertility.

Papa.

I think we're engaged.

August the 16th, 19...

And then a boy I know invited me to my first school dance.

I was so excited. But just that day we moved again.

Do you know I was at nine different schools...?

Who was the boy?

I hope we can get together before you leave.

I'm not going to hear the end? The most exciting part.

I can't get any rest until I finish a story.

Steve, would you mind seeing Chris home?

I'd be awfully grateful. Darling, you don't mind?

Chris can show the driver where her apartment is.

Good night.

- Kind of you to take the trouble. - I've often done as much for a friend.

- I hope it won't be out of his way. - It won't.

- Are you sure you have time? - My plane leaves at midnight.

I didn't know many boys for very long...

...because we didn't live anywhere for very long.

Just as my father was doing well at his job, he'd arrive home and say:

"Come on, we've left."

And my mother would have to pack her suitcases.

And we'd be travelling across the countryside in a train somewhere...

...and she'd say, "But I'm not going, I'm..."

I know.

I know how you felt.

- You do? - Never should have gotten married.

Neither should you.

That's one thing about Mr. Haversack.

What's one thing about Mr. Haversack?

Well, he's so stable and mature.

He's had the same job since he left university.

You've got to admire a man like that.

He's chosen the house for us for when we're transferred back to England.

His mother still lives only three doors down.

That's very convenient.

Yes.

Yes, it's very convenient.

Mr. Haversack collects all the foreign stamps from his correspondence...

...for my nephew's collection. That shows how courteous and kind and...

Thank you very much for a lovely day, Mr. Davis.

- My pleasure, Miss Easton. - Good night.

Good night.

235 Osaka Road, please.

That's here.

Hey, that's right.

And that brings me up to the time when I joined the diplomatic corps.

- Extremely interesting. - My mother's brother, my uncle...

...had a friend who had enormous influence in the embassy in Tehran.

Well, that's good. Very good.

Yes. He was largely responsible for my joining the diplomatic corps.

My scholastic qualifications really leaving quite a lot to be desired.

Marvellous.

No.

No, it wasn't.

I was thrown out.

Good night, Mr. Davis.

Miss Easton, don't you think it's about time I called you Chris...

...and you call me Steve?

I think so.

Good night, Chris.

Good night, Steve.

It was a nice day today, wasn't it?

It was one of the nicest days that I think I've ever spent.

It won't work, you know.

We're exact opposites.

We want different things in life.

I know. You're right.

It makes it tough...

...because I love you.

Will you promise to stay where you are if I tell you something?

What?

I love you too.

- You promised. - No, I didn't.

- You're mature and practical. - No, I'm not.

- You're intelligent and sophisticated. - I'm stupid and basic.

Steve!

Steve?

What?

There's someone at the door.

- Mr. Steven Davis? - Yeah.

Will you come to the headquarters for questioning?

What for?

There has been complaint about espionage activities.

- What? - We also have orders to take...

...a tape recorder and diagrams of a secret project for examination.

- What's going on? - I don't know.

Nothing to be alarmed about, Mrs. Davis.

Just routine question.

I'm not Mrs. Davis. I'm Miss Easton.

Yeah, she's got nothing to do with this. She's my landlady.

- Oh, your landlady. - Yeah.

Well, I'm not exactly his landlady. We share.

Well, what is it you want?

We'll find it out at headquarters. Please get dressed, both of you.

Yes, dear, I'm just about to leave for the airport.

Go on, Haversack. I'm listening.

What, darling? Oh, yes, everything turned out fine.

I'll finish that cable in a minute.

Oh, she's a delightful girl, reminds me of you.

She's about 23.

You're welcome, darling. I'll see you tomorrow. Love to everyone. Bye.

Do you know, I think it a bit devastatingly paradoxical...

...if I open chapter five with my arrival here in Tokyo?

Sign it, "Love, William."

- What do you think? - About what?

- Lf I open with my arrival... - May I interrupt?

- Yes, yes, of course. - Good night.

Come along. Now, while the fuss of inspiration is upon you.

Go on home and write in solitude. Solitude is good.

- I'm very grateful. - Good night. Now keep in touch.

- I'll get it. - Good night.

Good night.

Send that straight cable, Jimmy.

Yes. Hello, Steve.

You're where?

- Might enjoy hearing what you said last night.

You said, "Chris...

...darling, Chri..."

I can explain that.

If you wish. I warn you, we have four men working on it to break the code.

I can explain. I put a notice up to share my apartment.

I thought it was my patriotic duty.

But I didn't intend to be patriotic with Mr. Rutland.

I suppose it's my fault really. I should've specified female.

Well, I left you alone again, and you got raided?

- No, Bill. - Who is this?

Oh, hello.

This is the gentleman who Miss Easton was patriotic with.

That what?

My name is Julius Haversack.

I'm secretary to the minister of protocol at the embassy.

I need to vouch for somebody.

I'm extremely tired, and I've had... I'm so sorry.

Sir William?

- I can vouch for Sir William. - Sir William?

He received his title for services to his majesty during the war.

His factory perfected the radar device...

...by which we could with unerring accuracy drop bombs on the...

Diplomatic corps.

Sir William, I don't want people to think...

Christine?

Hello, Julius.

What are you doing here?

They think that I'm working with a spy.

This is ridiculous. I've known this young lady for years.

She's my fiancée. Her credentials have been checked...

...and rechecked, and she came to us with the highest rec...

How you been?

- What's he doing here? - I just arrived.

It's all right. I'll explain later.

Please explain now.

- I put this notice on the bulletin board. - Not that part.

What are these diagrams and mysterious figures?

I'm an architect.

- You said you were in the Olympics. - I am.

I'm an architect, and I'm in the Olympics.

In what event in the Olympics?

You have the tape recorder. Let's do it.

Dimitri, be quiet, please.

I sorry. This manager of Russian Olympic team. He fix everything up.

- Chris? - Yes.

What are you doing here? I came as soon as I got your message.

I put this notice on the bulletin board.

Just a moment. Just a moment, everybody.

Can we please go somewhere more private?

Well, can't wait to see how this turns out.

I've cancelled my flight on account of you.

- You understand I have a sensitive... - I'm afraid Dimitri is over-imagining.

I put this notice up. It was my patriotic duty.

Where were we?

You were asking Mr. Davis what event he is in.

That's right. What event are you in in the Olympics?

Well, does it really make any difference?

No, I don't think so.

I'm sorry for this trouble.

I can verify that Mr. Davis is with the American Olympic team.

And that my countryman is an idiot...

...who has been transferred to a less sensitive position.

You see they have these empty toothpaste tubes and satellites.

Empty toothpaste tubes and satellites?

That's the secret project.

To convert the empty toothpaste tubes into fertilizer.

Fertilizer.

I think we better consider this case closed after we complete the records.

May I have your address, please?

235 Osaka Road, Apartment 2A.

And yours, Mr. Davis.

- My address? - Yes.

I live at 142 Bleecker Street, New York City.

That's down in the village, you know.

- I mean here in Tokyo. - Mr. William, I...

Pay attention!

I'm sorry I didn't hear you.

235 Osaka Road.

But that's the building where Chris lives.

Apartment number, please.

2A.

But I only introduced them this afternoon. L...

We can all go home for sleep or explanations...

...or whatever is necessary after we complete these waivers.

You let them go.

Don't worry, Dimitri. You will be transferred to better place.

I take it that this will not make the public record.

Not as long as each of the principle participants agree to sign a waiver.

Steve, wait.

What for?

Mr. Davis. Where is Mr. Davis?

He's got to sign this to keep it off the record. Think of my position.

- Where is he? - He's gone.

Give me those papers. I must find him.

You say all you have to do is put a notice on the bulletin board?

- Haven't you found his name? - It's a thick program.

I'm only on page 107. Let me know when the lady shot-putters go on.

If only he told us what event he's in!

- Let me know when they go on. - I must contact him.

I told them it was important, but I can't get near the athletes' quarters.

Let me find the American team. Here it is.

Abawoff, Rabalinksi, Krackovitch, Campalary, Davis. I found it!

- There he is. - Where?

Oh, that's him.

Go on, Steve!

Where are they going?

- Where's he going? - Stop!

It's the 50-kilometer walking event. That's 30 miles through the city.

Come back. Mr. Dav... 30 miles? Here, let me see that.

When will they be back?

The fastest time on record for this event is 4 hours and 25 minutes.

- He'll be tired. - We can't wait that long.

Here's the route they're taking. Come on. Come on.

Excuse me.

No, keep going. There's an alley here. That'll get us through the lines.

According to the map, they should be near Shimbashi now.

Yes, I know exactly where we are.

Driver, turn left at the next corner, Gidari.

You know, I bet I'm missing those lady shot-putters.

Steve!

Steve!

Davis! Davis!

Steve! Tell him!

Davis, I must... Something very urgent has come up.

Can I talk to you privately?

This coincidence of you and Miss Easton sharing an apartment...

...could have very unfortunate consequences.

The fact that she is my fiancée and I am second secretary...

...to the minister of protocol at the British Embassy...

...could be a disaster! Stop the cab.

Davis!

Davis.

I'm sure you're aware of what a desperate position...

...this could put me in. We can keep it out of the records and papers...

...if you'll just sign this waiver.

- I haven't got a pen. - Here's a pen.

Thank you.

Would you mind witnessing this? Yes, yes. Print at the top.

It's quite all right, officer.

I know. You're absolutely right. You fellows are doing a splendid job.

- Hey! - Thank you.

Aren't you afraid you'll lose the race?

Julius. Julius, did he sign it?

Yes.

Pardon me. Did you say your name was Haversack?

Julius D... Second secretary to the minister of protocol at the embassy.

- Well, thanks again. - Dropping out?

No, I wasn't in the race.

I'm a press reporter looking for a colourful story, and I've got a beaut!

Press reporter?

- Would you believe it? - Yes, I would. You did that very well.

But this could mean my entire career.

What are we going to do?

We'd better catch up with them. I've got an idea. I'll explain on the way.

I must say I have reservations.

Look, we're losing them, Julius.

Driver, turn left.

No, no, no. Straight. I know where we are.

Sir William.

Sir William!

- Sir William! - Will you stop saying... Sir William!

Christine, where are you going?

There's been a change in plans.

You see, the newspapers got hold of the story.

The scandal could be quickly avoided if you'll just cooperate.

All you have to do is marry Chris.

It will be one of those in-name-only things. You know!

Now, as soon as you get back to the States...

This is the most ridiculous race!

Mr. Rutland.

Did you tell him?

I'm telling him. I'm telling him.

So you see, if you're married, there's no scandal.

And that sort of story's useless to the newspapers.

Now if you'll both cooperate, you can have it annulled in the morning...

...if you haven't cooperated in the meantime.

I wanna... I wanna talk to Chris.

He wants to talk to you.

I'm sorry you're being put to all this trouble.

Is it what you want?

Well, I suppose so. But, of course, it's mainly for Julius.

He's put so much into his career.

But you don't have to if you don't want to.

It's just a business arrangement.

Nothing personal.

Did he tell him?

Did he tell him?

He told him. He told him.

Well?

He says he'll marry me.

Oh, splendid. Splendid, my love.

I'll make all the arrangements. Now, don't dawdle.

Good luck, Steve.

What a pity. I was just getting the hang of that.

Ninth place, Peter Trigaret, Australia. 4 hours and 53 minutes.

Here comes Joe Hanakaw of Japan and Steve Davis of United States...

...fighting it out for 10th place. It's very close.

If Davis can have pass Hanakaw...

...it will be the only time United States has finished in the first 10.

Tenth place, Davis, United States.

Congratulations.

Look at him.

- Congratulations. - Well done, Steve!

- I'm glad you made it. - Very good job.

- No time now. He's gotta get married. - Look at him.

- Let's get him moving. - I just walked over 30 miles.

How much energy does it take to get married? Come on.

- It's this way to the showers. - There's no time!

I won't get married without a shower.

It isn't absolutely necessary, but come on. Hurry it up.

The wedding party should have a drink.

Be sure and look us up. Christine makes marvellous Yorkshire pudding.

After we're married, we can sit around...

...and have a jolly good laugh about all this. Darling?

Excuse me.

Davis, I want to thank you for your cooperation throughout all this.

You've been an absolute gem...

...and I would like to say... - Shut up.

The annulment is arranged.

Yes, yes! 10:00 tomorrow morning at the lawyer's office.

Everything was organized perfectly. Couldn't have gone better.

I went to the Olympic village...

...checked you out. - Checked me out?

- Yes. - Where am I gonna sleep?

- Here. - Here?

Don't even have to change the sheets.

Oh, but I don't think it's properly decent.

If anyone questions it, you just show them your marriage license, Steve.

I don't think it's proper that he sleeps...

You'd turn out a man who just did you the biggest favour of your life?

- I hadn't really thought of that. - He's walked over 30 miles today.

- Yes, of course. - You owe him a lot.

I suppose I do.

I insist that you stay here.

- Thank you. - And I shall sleep on the sofa.

Don't you think you should go home and work on your book?

Nope.

- Will you be comfortable? - Yes, I'm a very sound sleeper.

Good, good.

If Steve should wake up in the middle of the night...

...and feel restless or want to walk around a bit...

...he won't disturb you.

No. He won't disturb me, because I'll get a chair and sleep in the hall.

- There. - Thank you.

- To the wedding. - Which one?

The one at the time.

Excuse me.

Who is it?

Bill. Put your hand out.

Sir William, are you ready?

In a minute, Jimmy.

- Luggage in the car? - Yes, sir.

Julius?

Bill?

Steve?

Yeah.

You in there?

Well, where's Bill?

Oh, he left.

Where's Julius?

Sleeping out in the hall.

Steve, I'd like to thank you for...

For everything.

That's all right.

I hope you'll be very happy.

What?

Thank you.

What's the matter?

- I got a surprise today. - Me too.

I don't mean that. I...

I got this letter from my mother...

...and in it she said:

"I hope the man you marry will make you as happy...

...as your father made me."

Let me have my briefcase.

All the time I thought my mother was unhappy...

...because she didn't have a washing machine...

...or anything like that.

- Here. Here's a handkerchief. - Thank you.

These days, they got Laundromats all over the place.

Well, we're talking about sensible and logical amounts.

They got soap and everything in these places.

They've even got magazines you can read...

...when you're waiting for your laundry.

We're exact opposites and...

And besides, we'd fight.

We'd better get to the airport.

We'll make it.

Lady Rutland will be happy you're home on time.

I have to get home. It's our 25th wedding anniversary tomorrow.

I've never missed one.

- What's in there? - That's the god of fertility.

I meant to leave it for them. They won't need it.

It would make a nice present for Lady Rutland.

We already have four children. They're practically grown up.

She wouldn't...

Let's catch that plane.

Yes, sir.

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