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[music playing]
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RON PECK: Colm Clifford was
cut out of "Nighthawks."
3
00:04:12,182 --> 00:04:13,884
He played a character
very much like himself,
4
00:04:13,984 --> 00:04:16,686
and called Colm in
the film, written
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00:04:16,787 --> 00:04:18,722
in as a challenge to
the main character,
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00:04:18,822 --> 00:04:21,524
the school teacher, Jim.
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00:04:21,624 --> 00:04:23,961
A man much more confident
about being gay,
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00:04:24,061 --> 00:04:27,397
Colm lived communally with other
gay people in an empty house
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00:04:27,497 --> 00:04:29,366
that they'd squatted.
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This was the place and these
were some of the people
11
00:04:31,668 --> 00:04:33,937
he shared it with.
12
00:04:34,037 --> 00:04:36,706
The house is still there, but
turned into private flats now,
13
00:04:36,807 --> 00:04:39,877
someone told me.
14
00:04:39,977 --> 00:04:41,945
When we were editing,
there was a lot of argument
15
00:04:42,045 --> 00:04:43,480
about Colm's character,
and whether it
16
00:04:43,580 --> 00:04:46,049
should stay in the film or not.
17
00:04:46,149 --> 00:04:49,719
Some people felt it gave the
wrong impression of being gay.
18
00:04:49,820 --> 00:04:52,890
It was too alternative, too
political, the whole setup
19
00:04:52,990 --> 00:04:54,758
was altogether too weird.
20
00:04:54,858 --> 00:04:56,794
Do yourself and us
a favor, they said.
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00:04:56,894 --> 00:04:58,929
Cut it.
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00:04:59,029 --> 00:05:01,098
But there were others who
argued just as forcefully
23
00:05:01,198 --> 00:05:02,800
that it should stay in.
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00:05:02,900 --> 00:05:05,002
Its difference was its strength.
25
00:05:05,102 --> 00:05:07,437
Why live alone or
like a married couple?
26
00:05:07,537 --> 00:05:08,839
Why not share your
life a little more
27
00:05:08,939 --> 00:05:13,110
generously, feel the support
of being with your own people?
28
00:05:13,210 --> 00:05:15,278
This school teacher who
was living a double life
29
00:05:15,378 --> 00:05:18,248
needed provoking, or he'd
never come out of the closet.
30
00:05:18,348 --> 00:05:19,249
Keep it in.
31
00:05:19,349 --> 00:05:20,750
Challenge him.
32
00:05:20,851 --> 00:05:24,988
It was a discussion
that went on for weeks.
33
00:05:25,088 --> 00:05:27,791
In the end, the scenes
with Colm were cut.
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00:05:27,891 --> 00:05:29,659
They only seemed to
work at full length,
35
00:05:29,759 --> 00:05:32,029
and that threw the rest of
the story out of balance,
36
00:05:32,129 --> 00:05:34,832
took it out on too
much of a detour.
37
00:05:34,932 --> 00:05:36,066
Though that, of
course, was meant
38
00:05:36,166 --> 00:05:39,502
to be part of what the film
was about, the detours.
39
00:05:39,602 --> 00:05:43,040
That, for me, was part of
the exhilaration of gay life.
40
00:05:43,140 --> 00:05:46,043
The adventurous that started
off from leaning at the bar
41
00:05:46,143 --> 00:05:47,010
and talking to strangers.
42
00:05:51,348 --> 00:05:53,817
There was another reason
we cut the character.
43
00:05:53,917 --> 00:05:55,418
A feeling that what
we'd filmed didn't
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00:05:55,518 --> 00:05:59,289
strongly enough express what
Colm believed in and lived out.
45
00:05:59,389 --> 00:06:02,792
That even at full length,
it was somehow inadequate.
46
00:06:02,893 --> 00:06:05,328
It was too constrained by the
plot of the basic "Nighthawks"
47
00:06:05,428 --> 00:06:06,163
story.
48
00:06:06,263 --> 00:06:09,232
It just wouldn't fit in.
49
00:06:09,332 --> 00:06:10,733
When I made the
decision to cut it,
50
00:06:10,834 --> 00:06:12,369
I didn't feel easy about it.
51
00:06:12,469 --> 00:06:15,939
In fact, I can say
I felt damn guilty.
52
00:06:16,039 --> 00:06:19,176
Because Colm was also part
of the production team.
53
00:06:19,276 --> 00:06:21,845
He was with us for most of the
three years it took us to get
54
00:06:21,945 --> 00:06:24,647
the thing on to the screen.
55
00:06:24,747 --> 00:06:28,318
He wrote letters to try and
raise money, found locations.
56
00:06:28,418 --> 00:06:30,387
He went to every gay
bar and disco in London,
57
00:06:30,487 --> 00:06:33,690
recruiting extras to be in
the club scenes in the film,
58
00:06:33,790 --> 00:06:37,127
and he found most of the
school kids for the classrooms.
59
00:06:37,227 --> 00:06:39,562
But more than anything, he
was one of the people who
60
00:06:39,662 --> 00:06:42,599
kept the whole effort
to make this film going,
61
00:06:42,699 --> 00:06:44,234
who helped keep us
going when trying
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00:06:44,334 --> 00:06:47,537
to raise the money to make
it became just too tough.
63
00:06:47,637 --> 00:06:49,839
We felt like throwing
in the towel.
64
00:06:49,940 --> 00:06:53,476
And we did, several times.
65
00:06:53,576 --> 00:06:54,844
He had a lot of
energy and humor.
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00:06:54,945 --> 00:06:58,615
He was Irish, a
very physical man.
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00:06:58,715 --> 00:07:00,383
You'd be working till 2:00
in the morning, your back
68
00:07:00,483 --> 00:07:02,819
about to give out and someone
would come up behind you
69
00:07:02,920 --> 00:07:06,456
and rub your shoulders to get
you through the next half hour,
70
00:07:06,556 --> 00:07:09,192
and more often than
not, it was him.
71
00:07:09,292 --> 00:07:12,395
If he saw you were thirsty,
he'd come up with a drink.
72
00:07:12,495 --> 00:07:15,565
He watched out for people,
that's what I remember.
73
00:07:15,665 --> 00:07:18,902
Everybody liked him.
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00:07:19,002 --> 00:07:20,470
When the film was
finally released,
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00:07:20,570 --> 00:07:22,572
he came along to some
of the screenings,
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00:07:22,672 --> 00:07:24,407
joined in the discussions.
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00:07:24,507 --> 00:07:26,876
He was critical of
it, but defensive too,
78
00:07:26,977 --> 00:07:31,048
which was probably how we
all felt. He stood up for it.
79
00:07:31,148 --> 00:07:35,752
He knew what it had cost to
get even that much on a screen.
80
00:07:35,852 --> 00:07:37,687
I lost touch with
them after that,
81
00:07:37,787 --> 00:07:42,192
heard he moved on to Barcelona,
that he was happy there.
82
00:07:42,292 --> 00:07:47,197
And then last year, 1989, I was
told that he'd died of AIDS.
83
00:07:47,297 --> 00:07:48,531
There was a small
piece about him
84
00:07:48,631 --> 00:07:52,235
in the gay press, an obituary
for a man who couldn't
85
00:07:52,335 --> 00:07:55,038
have been more than 30.
86
00:07:55,138 --> 00:07:57,040
A friend saw a
photograph taken of him
87
00:07:57,140 --> 00:07:59,409
a few months before he died.
88
00:07:59,509 --> 00:08:01,744
I wouldn't have
recognized him, she said.
89
00:08:01,844 --> 00:08:03,380
He'd lost a lot of weight.
90
00:08:03,480 --> 00:08:08,385
His hair had turned white
or gray or fallen out.
91
00:08:08,485 --> 00:08:10,954
I don't know how
he faced all that.
92
00:08:11,054 --> 00:08:13,423
He wasn't the kind of man to
go down without a fight, that's
93
00:08:13,523 --> 00:08:14,491
for sure.
94
00:08:14,591 --> 00:08:16,259
And he was a fighter.
95
00:08:16,359 --> 00:08:19,096
We've always needed fighters.
96
00:08:19,196 --> 00:08:22,865
In many ways, a
braver man than I was.
97
00:08:22,966 --> 00:08:24,501
Because he was out
on the streets and he
98
00:08:24,601 --> 00:08:26,869
was insisting on
his right to be gay.
99
00:08:26,970 --> 00:08:29,206
He wasn't gonna to
be discreet about it.
100
00:08:29,306 --> 00:08:32,209
He wasn't gonna take
the abuse, the violence,
101
00:08:32,309 --> 00:08:35,212
being treated as the
scum of the earth.
102
00:08:35,312 --> 00:08:37,047
He was out marching
with a banner
103
00:08:37,147 --> 00:08:41,118
long before I'd even
thought of "Nighthawks."
104
00:08:41,218 --> 00:08:43,686
Whatever confidence I
have in being gay now,
105
00:08:43,786 --> 00:08:47,024
I owe partly to people like him.
106
00:08:47,124 --> 00:08:51,528
And so did Jim, the
schoolteacher in the film.
107
00:08:51,628 --> 00:08:54,497
When he came out to the school
kids at the end of the film,
108
00:08:54,597 --> 00:08:56,466
one reason he stood
up for himself,
109
00:08:56,566 --> 00:08:59,336
was because he'd met
people like Colm Clifford.
110
00:09:09,079 --> 00:09:11,014
How about, "What's
a guy like you
111
00:09:11,114 --> 00:09:16,786
doing in a place like this?"
112
00:09:16,886 --> 00:09:19,189
What's a guy like me doing
in a place like this, uh--
113
00:09:19,289 --> 00:09:20,557
What are you doing afterwards?
114
00:09:20,657 --> 00:09:22,759
Oh, what am I doing afterwards?
115
00:09:22,859 --> 00:09:25,662
I'm not doing
anything afterwards.
116
00:09:25,762 --> 00:09:28,598
You're going home, alone--
117
00:09:28,698 --> 00:09:29,632
I'm driving--
118
00:09:29,732 --> 00:09:31,168
---to a cold flat.
119
00:09:31,268 --> 00:09:32,235
---alone to my cold flat.
120
00:09:32,335 --> 00:09:34,371
Oh no, we can't have that.
121
00:09:34,471 --> 00:09:36,439
I've got half a bed.
122
00:09:36,539 --> 00:09:37,607
Half a bed?
123
00:09:37,707 --> 00:09:38,408
Yeah.
124
00:09:42,379 --> 00:09:43,946
What's your name?
125
00:09:44,047 --> 00:09:45,148
Colm.
126
00:09:45,248 --> 00:09:45,948
Pardon?
127
00:09:46,049 --> 00:09:47,217
Colm.
128
00:09:47,317 --> 00:09:48,017
Nelson's Column.
129
00:09:48,118 --> 00:09:49,018
Family's fifth column.
130
00:09:49,119 --> 00:09:50,753
You know.
131
00:09:50,853 --> 00:09:51,554
Oh, Colm, Colm.
132
00:09:51,654 --> 00:09:53,156
Yeah.
133
00:09:53,256 --> 00:09:54,424
You?
134
00:09:54,524 --> 00:09:55,225
Jim.
135
00:09:55,325 --> 00:09:56,393
Hi.
136
00:09:56,493 --> 00:09:57,194
Hi.
137
00:10:01,198 --> 00:10:03,800
What do you do?
138
00:10:03,900 --> 00:10:05,435
I teach.
139
00:10:05,535 --> 00:10:06,236
Yeah?
140
00:10:06,336 --> 00:10:08,638
What do you teach?
141
00:10:08,738 --> 00:10:10,307
I teach geography.
142
00:10:13,543 --> 00:10:14,244
Geography.
143
00:10:21,218 --> 00:10:23,086
Where do you live?
144
00:10:23,186 --> 00:10:25,455
I live in Notting Hill.
145
00:10:25,555 --> 00:10:26,823
Where do you live?
146
00:10:26,923 --> 00:10:28,658
Oh, sandy Brixton.
147
00:10:28,758 --> 00:10:29,792
Oh, Brixton.
148
00:10:29,892 --> 00:10:31,294
Yeah.
149
00:10:31,394 --> 00:10:32,395
I know Brixton.
150
00:10:32,495 --> 00:10:33,196
[indistinct chatter]
151
00:10:33,296 --> 00:10:34,497
It's going to be everybody.
152
00:10:34,597 --> 00:10:35,398
They're going everything.
153
00:10:35,498 --> 00:10:36,599
There weren't that many people.
154
00:10:36,699 --> 00:10:39,068
All those places have
been done already.
155
00:10:39,169 --> 00:10:40,503
We had three volunteers
to go on the door,
156
00:10:40,603 --> 00:10:42,839
and it seems in this
present situation,
157
00:10:42,939 --> 00:10:45,742
I think we can just get
together this singsong,
158
00:10:45,842 --> 00:10:47,977
because I've arranged
with Noel to come
159
00:10:48,077 --> 00:10:49,579
up for rehearsals at 5 o'clock.
160
00:10:49,679 --> 00:10:50,580
Hello.
161
00:10:50,680 --> 00:10:51,748
And these are the
songs we're going
162
00:10:51,848 --> 00:10:52,682
to sing again on the
demonstration on Saturday.
163
00:10:52,782 --> 00:10:53,950
-Hi, gang.
-Hi, Colm.
164
00:10:58,321 --> 00:10:59,489
[chatter]
165
00:11:03,293 --> 00:11:04,627
Don't get me wrong now.
166
00:11:07,997 --> 00:11:10,967
This hunky goes
by the name of Jim.
167
00:11:11,067 --> 00:11:12,269
[burp]
168
00:11:12,369 --> 00:11:17,974
Edwin, John, Steve, Terry,
Jeff, and yeah, another Jim.
169
00:11:18,074 --> 00:11:18,808
Look.
170
00:11:18,908 --> 00:11:22,445
I mean we've got this-- sorry.
171
00:11:22,545 --> 00:11:24,481
Look, we've got this
additional problem, right?
172
00:11:24,581 --> 00:11:26,516
We've got a cabaret
to put on tomorrow.
173
00:11:26,616 --> 00:11:28,117
We've got to rehearse
it tomorrow--
174
00:11:28,218 --> 00:11:29,352
Since when are you
doing a cabaret?
175
00:11:29,452 --> 00:11:30,487
Since today, dear.
176
00:11:30,587 --> 00:11:32,289
I mean, that's how
it goes, you know.
177
00:11:32,389 --> 00:11:33,356
I mean, you can't--
178
00:11:33,456 --> 00:11:34,657
-When did you decide that?
-Tomorrow night.
179
00:11:34,757 --> 00:11:35,725
We didn't decide.
180
00:11:35,825 --> 00:11:39,061
I mean I mean, I feel
like doing anyway.
181
00:11:39,162 --> 00:11:41,030
You're going to play the piano,
Steve, though, aren't you?
182
00:11:41,130 --> 00:11:42,165
Yeah.
That's different.
183
00:11:42,265 --> 00:11:43,200
OK.
184
00:11:43,300 --> 00:11:43,766
Well if you can meet
Noel at 5'oclock.
185
00:11:43,866 --> 00:11:44,967
Wait a minute.
186
00:11:45,067 --> 00:11:48,104
That means that we have to
get some money to Alan's
187
00:11:48,205 --> 00:11:49,206
to get the band for Saturday.
188
00:11:49,306 --> 00:11:50,507
Well, I'll fix you up
with a check tonight
189
00:11:50,607 --> 00:11:52,041
before I go to bed,
because I'm going
190
00:11:52,141 --> 00:11:53,410
to work early tomorrow to--
191
00:11:53,510 --> 00:11:54,444
Did you get him a drink?
192
00:11:54,544 --> 00:11:56,112
Yeah, do you want one?
193
00:11:56,213 --> 00:11:57,414
-I've got one, it's all right.
-You got one?
194
00:11:57,514 --> 00:11:58,415
OK.
195
00:11:58,515 --> 00:12:01,884
This is Alice.
196
00:12:01,984 --> 00:12:02,885
Hi, I'm a bit late.
197
00:12:02,985 --> 00:12:03,720
Yeah I know.
198
00:12:03,820 --> 00:12:04,521
Hi.
199
00:12:04,621 --> 00:12:05,522
What have you been doing?
200
00:12:05,622 --> 00:12:08,491
Well, I was counseling
tonight right?
201
00:12:08,591 --> 00:12:10,660
I'm really tired, because
this guy went really late
202
00:12:10,760 --> 00:12:11,794
and I had to go and see him.
-Poor thing.
203
00:12:11,894 --> 00:12:12,695
Well, I mean, it was fine.
204
00:12:12,795 --> 00:12:13,663
Thanks love.
205
00:12:13,763 --> 00:12:15,632
It was fine, it was
really positive.
206
00:12:15,732 --> 00:12:20,437
But I mean, like, he was he's
he's, had he's had to leave
207
00:12:20,537 --> 00:12:23,172
home, his boyfriend's
left him, his parents
208
00:12:23,273 --> 00:12:25,174
have just found out, right?
209
00:12:25,275 --> 00:12:26,409
Found out what?
210
00:12:26,509 --> 00:12:29,812
And, and, that he's gay,
and uh, I mean it's OK.
211
00:12:29,912 --> 00:12:30,980
I've sort of talked
him through it.
212
00:12:31,080 --> 00:12:33,049
He's not in any
really bad situation.
213
00:12:33,149 --> 00:12:34,317
I feel OK about it.
214
00:12:34,417 --> 00:12:38,788
But uh, oh God, the Hope's
College turned night
215
00:12:38,888 --> 00:12:40,757
I told him to go and eat shit.
216
00:12:44,261 --> 00:12:44,961
Anyway--
217
00:12:45,061 --> 00:12:47,063
They've got problems too.
218
00:12:47,163 --> 00:12:49,266
Ah, fuck them.
219
00:12:49,366 --> 00:12:52,569
They're, they're the people
we really got to reach.
220
00:12:52,669 --> 00:12:54,070
What do you do for a living?
221
00:12:54,170 --> 00:12:56,973
Oh, sorry, Jim's a teacher.
222
00:12:57,073 --> 00:12:58,541
Man info-- Jim's a teacher.
223
00:12:58,641 --> 00:13:00,977
Do you mean that you're
one of those persons
224
00:13:01,077 --> 00:13:01,978
with these inclinations?
225
00:13:02,078 --> 00:13:04,113
That are looking
at their children?
226
00:13:04,213 --> 00:13:04,914
Like me?
227
00:13:05,014 --> 00:13:06,683
And Steve?
228
00:13:06,783 --> 00:13:08,017
And me?
229
00:13:08,117 --> 00:13:09,151
Um, 11 to 18.
230
00:13:09,252 --> 00:13:10,119
Really?
231
00:13:10,219 --> 00:13:11,621
Oh, wow, a bit
older, aren't they?
232
00:13:11,721 --> 00:13:12,422
A lovely age.
233
00:13:12,522 --> 00:13:13,290
It's a bit easier for us.
234
00:13:13,390 --> 00:13:14,591
Mine are a bit older than that.
235
00:13:14,691 --> 00:13:17,026
Jeez, I wish I'd known
if, if my teachers
236
00:13:17,126 --> 00:13:18,795
were gay when I was a kid.
237
00:13:18,895 --> 00:13:20,797
Yeah, do your kids
know you're gay?
238
00:13:20,897 --> 00:13:22,332
No, they don't.
239
00:13:22,432 --> 00:13:23,400
I mean, I thought to tell them.
240
00:13:23,500 --> 00:13:24,401
Is it difficult?
241
00:13:24,501 --> 00:13:26,769
I mean, I mean, do
any of the people
242
00:13:26,869 --> 00:13:28,204
you work with know you're gay?
-Yeah.
243
00:13:28,305 --> 00:13:29,205
A few.
-Yeah.
244
00:13:29,306 --> 00:13:30,607
I was at the start.
245
00:13:30,707 --> 00:13:32,709
It's quite hard, because I mean,
I work with really young kids.
246
00:13:32,809 --> 00:13:33,843
I mean, I'm not a
teacher, really.
247
00:13:33,943 --> 00:13:36,279
I work in a children's nursery.
248
00:13:36,379 --> 00:13:38,247
And I've been doing that
for about two years.
249
00:13:38,348 --> 00:13:41,451
And it's taking me sort of
most of that times, I suppose,
250
00:13:41,551 --> 00:13:43,520
before I'm sort of fairly happy
that most people of the people
251
00:13:43,620 --> 00:13:45,388
I work with know that I'm gay.
252
00:13:45,488 --> 00:13:47,223
I mean, the parents of the kids.
253
00:13:47,324 --> 00:13:49,726
I'm not really,
terribly, terribly happy
254
00:13:49,826 --> 00:13:51,394
yet that they know I'm gay.
255
00:13:51,494 --> 00:13:52,662
You got to take
it slowly, I think.
256
00:13:52,762 --> 00:13:54,397
You know?
257
00:13:54,497 --> 00:13:55,632
I'm really glad they know.
258
00:13:59,336 --> 00:14:01,638
Mine was an awful lot
easier, because knowing,
259
00:14:01,738 --> 00:14:04,307
I wasn't going to come out
for a couple of months.
260
00:14:04,407 --> 00:14:05,642
I came out screaming, honey.
261
00:14:05,742 --> 00:14:08,311
I went in there with
badges and jewels and--
262
00:14:08,411 --> 00:14:10,380
I'm sorry, to get, I'm
sorry to get in here,
263
00:14:10,480 --> 00:14:13,350
but I mean, look, I mean
like, look, we've got one day.
264
00:14:13,450 --> 00:14:14,717
We've got a demonstration.
265
00:14:14,817 --> 00:14:18,488
I mean, like we've got an awful
lot of last-minute details
266
00:14:18,588 --> 00:14:21,558
that we've got to take care of.
267
00:14:21,658 --> 00:14:25,094
And I'm really worried
that um, you know,
268
00:14:25,194 --> 00:14:26,095
they haven't been sewn up.
269
00:14:26,195 --> 00:14:27,129
You know.
270
00:14:27,229 --> 00:14:29,231
I mean, we've got to
get them together.
271
00:14:37,039 --> 00:14:38,508
Where are you off to?
272
00:14:38,608 --> 00:14:39,308
Buh-bye.
273
00:14:39,409 --> 00:14:40,877
Nice meeting you.
274
00:14:40,977 --> 00:14:44,514
What time do you
want breakfast honey?
275
00:14:44,614 --> 00:14:47,016
11:15.
276
00:14:47,116 --> 00:14:48,418
Goodnight.
277
00:14:48,518 --> 00:14:51,187
See ya.
278
00:14:51,287 --> 00:14:55,291
RON PECK: I made "Nighthawks"
with Paul Hallam in 1978,
279
00:14:55,392 --> 00:14:57,727
12 years ago.
280
00:14:57,827 --> 00:14:59,896
I'm 42 now.
281
00:14:59,996 --> 00:15:02,665
I was 29 then.
282
00:15:02,765 --> 00:15:10,106
But somehow, that project began
back in 1962 when I was 14.
283
00:15:10,206 --> 00:15:11,908
I was at school.
284
00:15:12,008 --> 00:15:12,809
It was summertime.
285
00:15:12,909 --> 00:15:14,043
Exams were over.
286
00:15:14,143 --> 00:15:17,614
I mean, we were just killing
time 'til the holidays.
287
00:15:17,714 --> 00:15:20,016
There was a boy in
the year above me.
288
00:15:20,116 --> 00:15:23,620
Athletic, good-looking, usually
with a grin on his face.
289
00:15:23,720 --> 00:15:27,590
Kind of boy people like
to hang around with.
290
00:15:27,690 --> 00:15:30,793
I'd catch sight of him most
days in the school playground
291
00:15:30,893 --> 00:15:34,330
and corridors between lessons,
coming out of a classroom
292
00:15:34,431 --> 00:15:36,265
as I was going in.
293
00:15:36,365 --> 00:15:40,202
Chance encounters that
made my heart pound.
294
00:15:40,302 --> 00:15:45,007
Encounters, I began after
a while, to seek out.
295
00:15:45,107 --> 00:15:47,544
His special subject was
art, and he would sit around
296
00:15:47,644 --> 00:15:49,779
at the back of the art
room, in an open area, that
297
00:15:49,879 --> 00:15:54,316
was set aside for boys to drop
into during their free periods.
298
00:15:54,417 --> 00:15:57,487
Once a week, I had an art
class in that same room,
299
00:15:57,587 --> 00:16:02,324
painting still lifes to
records of classical music.
300
00:16:02,425 --> 00:16:04,727
The boy from the year
above would be at the back,
301
00:16:04,827 --> 00:16:07,196
absorbed in his own work.
302
00:16:07,296 --> 00:16:08,531
I'd always try and
get a seat that
303
00:16:08,631 --> 00:16:10,567
faced that space at
the back, so that I
304
00:16:10,667 --> 00:16:12,401
could look up and see him.
305
00:16:12,502 --> 00:16:15,371
I did it in such a way,
that no one noticed.
306
00:16:15,472 --> 00:16:19,709
It was the beginning of the
practiced casual glance.
307
00:16:19,809 --> 00:16:21,277
Later, I got bolder.
308
00:16:21,377 --> 00:16:22,545
I'd go to the back
of the art room
309
00:16:22,645 --> 00:16:26,583
myself, in my own free
periods, hoping he'd be there,
310
00:16:26,683 --> 00:16:30,787
or that he might turn up when I
was there, which he did, often.
311
00:16:30,887 --> 00:16:34,524
Sometimes, we'd even exchanged
the odd look or word.
312
00:16:34,624 --> 00:16:37,126
I began to get to know where
he'd be at certain times,
313
00:16:37,226 --> 00:16:39,395
and I'd find a way to be there.
314
00:16:39,496 --> 00:16:41,864
At morning assembly
in the school hall,
315
00:16:41,964 --> 00:16:43,633
I'd try and stand near him.
316
00:16:43,733 --> 00:16:46,268
In the gym changing room,
on sports afternoons,
317
00:16:46,368 --> 00:16:48,871
I'd try to find a
space next to him.
318
00:16:48,971 --> 00:16:51,541
And when I had a class in the
room where he kept his books,
319
00:16:51,641 --> 00:16:54,844
I'd try and sit at his desk,
in the seat warmed by his body.
320
00:16:57,647 --> 00:17:01,250
Catching glimpses of him became
the high points of the day.
321
00:17:01,350 --> 00:17:03,620
Going into school became,
more than anything else,
322
00:17:03,720 --> 00:17:09,592
going in to see him, and coming
home was to leave him behind.
323
00:17:09,692 --> 00:17:13,563
Over a period, these feelings
towards this boy, a desire
324
00:17:13,663 --> 00:17:17,233
for attachment, for embrace,
for shared nudity, for a smile,
325
00:17:17,333 --> 00:17:21,804
a hand on the shoulder, became
more and more disturbing.
326
00:17:21,904 --> 00:17:24,273
Nothing had prepared
me for them,
327
00:17:24,373 --> 00:17:26,743
and I couldn't give them a name.
328
00:17:26,843 --> 00:17:28,911
And when I was at
home with my family,
329
00:17:29,011 --> 00:17:32,281
his absence reinforced those
feelings in an opposite sense.
330
00:17:32,381 --> 00:17:36,586
It became equally overwhelming
to see him or not to see him.
331
00:17:36,686 --> 00:17:39,622
I would imagine him
in my room, in my bed.
332
00:17:39,722 --> 00:17:41,758
I'd dream about him.
333
00:17:41,858 --> 00:17:44,060
The prospect of a long
summer holiday without him
334
00:17:44,160 --> 00:17:44,861
became unbearable.
335
00:17:48,430 --> 00:17:50,332
There were just two
more weeks of term left.
336
00:17:50,432 --> 00:17:52,902
It was nearly 4 o'clock,
and we were both at the back
337
00:17:53,002 --> 00:17:54,604
of the art room.
338
00:17:54,704 --> 00:17:57,506
The bell rang for the end of
school, and he packed his bag
339
00:17:57,607 --> 00:17:58,741
and went.
340
00:17:58,841 --> 00:18:00,710
I got up a few
seconds later and I
341
00:18:00,810 --> 00:18:05,481
followed him, down the
corridor, out into the streets.
342
00:18:05,582 --> 00:18:08,217
What I was doing, I'm
sure I didn't know.
343
00:18:08,317 --> 00:18:10,887
It was as if I let my
feeling, my desire,
344
00:18:10,987 --> 00:18:13,990
totally determine my
movements to their end.
345
00:18:14,090 --> 00:18:17,326
There was a feeling of danger
about it, the forbiddeness,
346
00:18:17,426 --> 00:18:20,963
of some kind of unstated
rule being broken.
347
00:18:21,063 --> 00:18:25,001
I was nervous, and very afraid.
348
00:18:25,101 --> 00:18:27,503
He got on a bus and I
took the same bus, which
349
00:18:27,604 --> 00:18:29,505
went a long way in
the opposite direction
350
00:18:29,606 --> 00:18:32,041
to the one I'd
normally take home.
351
00:18:32,141 --> 00:18:34,443
I didn't even know the streets
the bus was moving along.
352
00:18:41,083 --> 00:18:43,720
When he got off, I also got off.
353
00:18:43,820 --> 00:18:46,088
He walked along the main
road, and I followed,
354
00:18:46,188 --> 00:18:49,926
down left and right turns,
through suburban side streets,
355
00:18:50,026 --> 00:18:52,228
gardens, trees.
356
00:18:52,328 --> 00:18:55,832
He looked back a couple
of times, but carried on.
357
00:18:55,932 --> 00:19:00,136
And then he reached his
front gate and stopped.
358
00:19:00,236 --> 00:19:04,607
He was there waiting, facing
me, anger in his eyes.
359
00:19:04,707 --> 00:19:06,909
He shouted, what was I doing?
360
00:19:07,009 --> 00:19:10,146
What the fuck did I
think I was doing?
361
00:19:10,246 --> 00:19:11,614
I don't remember what I said.
362
00:19:11,714 --> 00:19:14,751
Something about wanting
to be his friend,
363
00:19:14,851 --> 00:19:18,220
but I remember the sensation of
vertigo, of putting my future
364
00:19:18,320 --> 00:19:21,523
into this boy's hands, of
everything else around me,
365
00:19:21,624 --> 00:19:23,926
the whole material
world-- past, present,
366
00:19:24,026 --> 00:19:28,497
and future-- disintegrating
around my coming out with it.
367
00:19:28,597 --> 00:19:31,267
I don't recall either
what his reply was,
368
00:19:31,367 --> 00:19:33,435
but I do remember that
when he went into the house
369
00:19:33,535 --> 00:19:35,537
and closed the door,
the world around me
370
00:19:35,638 --> 00:19:38,307
became very material
again, and the full weight
371
00:19:38,407 --> 00:19:41,510
of what I had done, although
in a sense I'd done nothing,
372
00:19:41,610 --> 00:19:42,311
sank in.
373
00:19:45,047 --> 00:19:48,184
That night at home, the phone
rang every five minutes.
374
00:19:48,284 --> 00:19:51,120
And another boy's
voice, unrecognizable,
375
00:19:51,220 --> 00:19:54,123
reveled in pouring out abuse.
376
00:19:54,223 --> 00:19:57,026
My mother, who answered
it, cried hysterically,
377
00:19:57,126 --> 00:19:58,627
then pushed the
phone into my hand,
378
00:19:58,728 --> 00:20:01,163
angrily, so that I
could hear the words and
379
00:20:01,263 --> 00:20:03,199
the dirty laughter for myself.
380
00:20:03,299 --> 00:20:04,500
Your son's a homo.
381
00:20:04,600 --> 00:20:07,904
Your son's a queer boy.
382
00:20:08,004 --> 00:20:10,973
When my father came home, I
was taken up into his bedroom
383
00:20:11,073 --> 00:20:12,975
and looking very
serious, he told
384
00:20:13,075 --> 00:20:14,176
me that there had
never been anything
385
00:20:14,276 --> 00:20:15,611
like that in the family.
386
00:20:15,712 --> 00:20:16,779
What was going on?
387
00:20:16,879 --> 00:20:18,915
What was all this about?
388
00:20:19,015 --> 00:20:20,783
And being very
religious at the time,
389
00:20:20,883 --> 00:20:24,186
I quoted back at him, the
story of David and Jonathan,
390
00:20:24,286 --> 00:20:27,523
and showed him the actual
pages in the Bible.
391
00:20:27,623 --> 00:20:29,959
It became a battle of the books.
392
00:20:30,059 --> 00:20:31,560
The following
evening, on my desk,
393
00:20:31,660 --> 00:20:34,230
I found two booklets,
supplied by the doctor
394
00:20:34,330 --> 00:20:37,867
whom one or both of my
parents must've consulted.
395
00:20:37,967 --> 00:20:40,737
They were primitive
sex education booklets.
396
00:20:40,837 --> 00:20:42,504
One was about the
birds and the bees.
397
00:20:42,604 --> 00:20:45,674
And the other was about boys.
398
00:20:45,775 --> 00:20:50,046
It was there, that I was first
told what homosexuality was.
399
00:20:50,146 --> 00:20:53,049
It was an adolescent emotion
that in normal development,
400
00:20:53,149 --> 00:20:54,416
I would grow out of.
401
00:20:54,516 --> 00:20:59,822
And if I didn't, there were
special doctors, psychiatrists.
402
00:20:59,922 --> 00:21:02,759
A little later, in the
local reference library,
403
00:21:02,859 --> 00:21:05,928
I found out that obstinate cases
could be cured by attaching
404
00:21:06,028 --> 00:21:08,230
electrodes to the genitals.
405
00:21:08,330 --> 00:21:11,333
The current was switched on when
you looked at pictures of men,
406
00:21:11,433 --> 00:21:14,837
and switched off when you
looked at girly magazines.
407
00:21:14,937 --> 00:21:17,606
The last resort was a
scalpel to the brain.
408
00:21:21,010 --> 00:21:22,411
The incident with
the boy from the year
409
00:21:22,511 --> 00:21:25,181
above was never talked
about at home again,
410
00:21:25,281 --> 00:21:28,617
and luckily, it never became
a major school scandal.
411
00:21:28,717 --> 00:21:31,220
Just private whispers of
abuse, and smoking looks
412
00:21:31,320 --> 00:21:34,891
from the boy and his friends
whenever we crossed paths,
413
00:21:34,991 --> 00:21:37,960
so that I now feared
those chance encounters,
414
00:21:38,060 --> 00:21:41,497
avoided them as much as I could.
415
00:21:41,597 --> 00:21:43,766
But all the while they
remained at the school,
416
00:21:43,866 --> 00:21:46,769
I dreaded that the whole
school would know, that they
417
00:21:46,869 --> 00:21:49,906
would choose their
moment, that I would
418
00:21:50,006 --> 00:21:51,841
then, be torn apart publicly.
419
00:21:58,280 --> 00:22:02,384
And when they left a year
later, the relief I felt
420
00:22:02,484 --> 00:22:03,185
was indescribable.
421
00:22:08,958 --> 00:22:11,994
I turned myself totally
to work after that.
422
00:22:12,094 --> 00:22:14,196
Became a quiet
reclusive teenager,
423
00:22:14,296 --> 00:22:17,033
spent a lot in my room.
424
00:22:17,133 --> 00:22:21,337
I started writing: poetry,
short stories, a diary.
425
00:22:21,437 --> 00:22:24,440
And I bought a Super 8 camera,
through which I watched
426
00:22:24,540 --> 00:22:26,742
the world outside my window.
427
00:22:26,843 --> 00:22:29,846
My escape routes became
books and the cinema.
428
00:22:59,408 --> 00:23:02,344
I made greater efforts
to find a girlfriend.
429
00:23:02,444 --> 00:23:06,448
I had to have a girlfriend at
all costs, and I was lucky.
430
00:23:06,548 --> 00:23:10,252
I met a girl who also
liked books and films.
431
00:23:10,352 --> 00:23:12,654
I took her out Saturday
nights, and kissed her
432
00:23:12,754 --> 00:23:14,556
against the wall of
her house the way
433
00:23:14,656 --> 00:23:17,326
they did it in the
movies we saw together.
434
00:23:17,426 --> 00:23:19,628
I thought if I worked
at it, I'd become
435
00:23:19,728 --> 00:23:22,865
just like everybody
else, and everybody else
436
00:23:22,965 --> 00:23:24,300
had a girlfriend.
437
00:23:24,400 --> 00:23:27,269
On the surface,
things were easier.
438
00:23:27,369 --> 00:23:29,138
Parties, back row
of the pictures,
439
00:23:29,238 --> 00:23:31,773
discos, we were seen
everywhere together.
440
00:23:31,874 --> 00:23:33,642
I was one of the lads.
441
00:23:33,742 --> 00:23:36,245
Yeah, of course I've
been to bed with her.
442
00:23:36,345 --> 00:23:37,313
Nothing odd about me.
443
00:23:37,413 --> 00:23:38,114
But inside--
444
00:23:46,222 --> 00:23:48,624
The words "homo"
and "queer" never
445
00:23:48,724 --> 00:23:50,159
stopped ringing in my head.
446
00:23:50,259 --> 00:23:53,462
I was alert every
time I heard them.
447
00:23:53,562 --> 00:23:56,032
Boys that weren't any good at
sport got labeled with them,
448
00:23:56,132 --> 00:23:57,967
but it was in a
joking, knockabout way
449
00:23:58,067 --> 00:23:59,301
that never stuck.
450
00:23:59,401 --> 00:24:02,471
They meant something about
not being up to it, as a man.
451
00:24:02,571 --> 00:24:05,141
If you could kick a ball, you
were OK, part of the team.
452
00:24:09,245 --> 00:24:12,048
The same words turned up in
the local paper, the "Merton
453
00:24:12,148 --> 00:24:14,716
and Morden Borough News,"
delivered to the house
454
00:24:14,816 --> 00:24:15,717
every Friday.
455
00:24:21,157 --> 00:24:23,759
It ran sinister stories
about men gathering in parks
456
00:24:23,859 --> 00:24:27,229
and commons at night, hanging
around public toilets,
457
00:24:27,329 --> 00:24:29,898
arrests and murders.
458
00:24:29,999 --> 00:24:32,501
Beasts, the paper called them.
459
00:24:32,601 --> 00:24:35,071
It was like some nightmare
mirror image of what I thought
460
00:24:35,171 --> 00:24:37,373
I might be, and I
turned away from it,
461
00:24:37,473 --> 00:24:40,442
refused it, looked elsewhere.
462
00:24:40,542 --> 00:24:43,045
When I switched on
the TV, all I saw
463
00:24:43,145 --> 00:24:46,548
was comedians suddenly changing
their bodies into limp wrists,
464
00:24:46,648 --> 00:24:48,417
and telling their
jokes through a lisp,
465
00:24:48,517 --> 00:24:53,489
as they picked up a handbag
and did a homosexual sketch.
466
00:24:53,589 --> 00:24:55,657
In this hall of mirrors,
there was nothing
467
00:24:55,757 --> 00:24:58,027
I could identify
with, just something
468
00:24:58,127 --> 00:24:59,261
to laugh at or be scared of.
469
00:25:20,516 --> 00:25:22,284
The face of Dirk
Bogarde in "Victim"
470
00:25:22,384 --> 00:25:25,321
brings back that period
to me with a vengeance,
471
00:25:25,421 --> 00:25:28,657
though I didn't see the
film until I was much older.
472
00:25:28,757 --> 00:25:32,061
It still gives me a cold
sweat when I look at it.
473
00:25:32,161 --> 00:25:34,696
In that troubled
expression, is somehow
474
00:25:34,796 --> 00:25:38,534
all the tension between
1961, when the film was made,
475
00:25:38,634 --> 00:25:43,172
and 1967, when homosexuality
was finally decriminalized
476
00:25:43,272 --> 00:25:46,808
in Britain, an accommodation
with the prison that I felt
477
00:25:46,908 --> 00:25:47,809
written to be.
478
00:25:58,820 --> 00:26:01,723
But signals from the outside
world slipped past the guards
479
00:26:01,823 --> 00:26:03,992
and into these
islands, nonetheless,
480
00:26:04,093 --> 00:26:08,364
and found their way totally by
chance into my parents' house.
481
00:26:08,464 --> 00:26:11,733
A bundle of comics and magazines
were given to my brother and I
482
00:26:11,833 --> 00:26:14,002
to rummage through.
483
00:26:14,103 --> 00:26:16,438
Amongst them, I found a
Physique magazine from America.
484
00:26:23,845 --> 00:26:26,482
It was a new world all right.
485
00:26:26,582 --> 00:26:30,752
These men were different--
confident, proud,
486
00:26:30,852 --> 00:26:32,721
ordinary, good-looking guys.
487
00:26:32,821 --> 00:26:35,957
They were fooling around,
wrestling under Colorado skies
488
00:26:36,058 --> 00:26:39,328
with grins on their
faces, having fun.
489
00:26:39,428 --> 00:26:41,997
But were they like me?
490
00:26:42,098 --> 00:26:44,933
Nothing in the write-up
would confirm that they were.
491
00:26:45,033 --> 00:26:47,236
I just didn't know.
492
00:26:47,336 --> 00:26:51,473
And so this one magazine stayed
hidden on my bookshelves,
493
00:26:51,573 --> 00:26:53,942
the names of the men
in it learned by heart,
494
00:26:54,042 --> 00:26:57,446
my secret friends, my buddies.
495
00:26:57,546 --> 00:26:59,448
The surge of feeling
I'd experienced
496
00:26:59,548 --> 00:27:01,850
for the boy at
school, and thought
497
00:27:01,950 --> 00:27:03,752
I'd crushed, revived again.
498
00:27:03,852 --> 00:27:05,487
And if these were
photographs, then
499
00:27:05,587 --> 00:27:08,056
they had to be real
people in the real world.
500
00:27:08,157 --> 00:27:09,458
And they were.
501
00:27:09,558 --> 00:27:13,095
Marines, pilots, swimming
champions, guys on the beach,
502
00:27:13,195 --> 00:27:14,630
the kid next door.
503
00:27:14,730 --> 00:27:17,933
I wanted to meet them,
wanted to be one of them.
504
00:27:18,033 --> 00:27:20,436
Wherever they were, it seemed
to be better over there.
505
00:27:23,872 --> 00:27:26,208
They came from
New York, Chicago,
506
00:27:26,308 --> 00:27:28,777
the Big Sur, and the Rockies.
507
00:27:28,877 --> 00:27:32,248
The idea of America began
to mean something to me,
508
00:27:32,348 --> 00:27:34,850
and it connected up
with the Hollywood films
509
00:27:34,950 --> 00:27:37,052
I was beginning to run
all over London to see.
510
00:27:37,153 --> 00:27:39,888
Something freer, more
open, technicolor,
511
00:27:39,988 --> 00:27:42,391
the very opposite of Britain.
512
00:27:42,491 --> 00:27:45,060
A polarity built up
in my mind, between
513
00:27:45,161 --> 00:27:48,197
the tight upper-class
accents of Britain
514
00:27:48,297 --> 00:27:51,099
and the broad, relaxed
accents of America.
515
00:27:51,200 --> 00:27:53,969
Between the bodies we covered
up and the bodies they exposed.
516
00:27:57,005 --> 00:27:58,540
Another signal made
it to the house
517
00:27:58,640 --> 00:28:02,878
in Merton Park A magazine
called "Films and Filming."
518
00:28:02,978 --> 00:28:06,014
It was the first, serious
magazine I ever bought.
519
00:28:06,114 --> 00:28:08,350
I wanted to know how
to get into films,
520
00:28:08,450 --> 00:28:10,719
but each month's issue
communicated something
521
00:28:10,819 --> 00:28:13,155
in addition to news
about filmmaking.
522
00:28:38,614 --> 00:28:40,882
I can remember questions
being asked at home when
523
00:28:40,982 --> 00:28:43,685
one particular issue came
through the letterbox, wrapped
524
00:28:43,785 --> 00:28:46,955
up in the "Merton and
Morden Borough News."
525
00:28:47,055 --> 00:28:48,624
It was a serious
film magazine, I
526
00:28:48,724 --> 00:28:51,159
said, though it very
soon became a magazine
527
00:28:51,260 --> 00:28:54,129
I couldn't take to school.
528
00:28:54,230 --> 00:28:57,399
It directed my attention to
films of special interest, that
529
00:28:57,499 --> 00:28:59,801
never hit the film review
column of "The Daily Express"
530
00:28:59,901 --> 00:29:02,238
or the roundup of
new films on the BBC.
531
00:29:05,774 --> 00:29:09,345
It told me about "Flesh"
and Joe Dallesandro.
532
00:29:09,445 --> 00:29:13,215
It was a new American film that
was showing in a private club
533
00:29:13,315 --> 00:29:14,916
in a west end basement.
534
00:29:15,016 --> 00:29:17,419
I tore into town to see.
535
00:29:17,519 --> 00:29:19,655
It was a little
different to what I
536
00:29:19,755 --> 00:29:21,423
was used to at the local odeum.
537
00:29:21,523 --> 00:29:23,892
It was the homoerotic shock.
538
00:29:23,992 --> 00:29:26,895
Less ambiguous than
anything I'd seen before,
539
00:29:26,995 --> 00:29:28,897
but still confusing.
540
00:29:28,997 --> 00:29:31,400
Here was a man, living
with a girlfriend, who
541
00:29:31,500 --> 00:29:34,870
had a child, who went out
and earned his money having
542
00:29:34,970 --> 00:29:37,873
sex with men, and enjoyed it.
543
00:29:37,973 --> 00:29:40,876
The actor was a model
from the Physique magazine
544
00:29:40,976 --> 00:29:43,379
I kept in my bedroom.
545
00:29:43,479 --> 00:29:46,282
Two days after I saw the
film, the cinema was raided,
546
00:29:46,382 --> 00:29:49,285
and the film seized
by the British police.
547
00:29:49,385 --> 00:29:52,254
It made me angry, as
if Joe Dallesandro
548
00:29:52,354 --> 00:29:57,225
body were being pummelled by the
truncheon of our boys in blue.
549
00:29:57,326 --> 00:29:58,660
Joe was my secret hero
from that moment on.
550
00:30:01,297 --> 00:30:05,301
I went to university after
that, and took American studies.
551
00:30:10,238 --> 00:30:13,875
Just as we are told today there
are no homosexuals in China,
552
00:30:13,975 --> 00:30:16,278
I thought there were no
homosexuals at my school,
553
00:30:16,378 --> 00:30:17,779
none at university.
554
00:30:17,879 --> 00:30:21,216
I didn't even count
myself as one.
555
00:30:21,317 --> 00:30:24,185
The law changed in 1967.
556
00:30:24,286 --> 00:30:27,589
For some people,
homosexuality was now legal,
557
00:30:27,689 --> 00:30:30,025
but I don't think
I even noticed.
558
00:30:30,125 --> 00:30:32,428
I saw nothing around me
that suggested anything
559
00:30:32,528 --> 00:30:33,795
was any different.
560
00:30:33,895 --> 00:30:35,931
And I was too busy
reading Hemingway,
561
00:30:36,031 --> 00:30:37,833
Faulkner, and Walt Whitman.
562
00:30:37,933 --> 00:30:41,169
And any spare time I had
went in watching movies.
563
00:30:41,269 --> 00:30:43,038
French, Italian, American.
564
00:30:43,138 --> 00:30:44,973
"Rebel Without a Cause"
for the 10th time.
565
00:30:57,018 --> 00:31:00,021
For a short time, I
lived with a woman.
566
00:31:00,121 --> 00:31:03,859
And I felt I had reached
the other side just in time.
567
00:31:03,959 --> 00:31:07,095
I was no longer a virgin, and
I walked about the streets
568
00:31:07,195 --> 00:31:09,097
with a new confidence.
569
00:31:09,197 --> 00:31:13,101
This time, it seemed
to be the real thing.
570
00:31:13,201 --> 00:31:16,338
But the last night we slept
together, she suggested that I
571
00:31:16,438 --> 00:31:19,207
try going to bed
with men and she even
572
00:31:19,307 --> 00:31:21,910
told me not to worry about it.
573
00:31:22,010 --> 00:31:24,245
The first person who ever
said anything positive
574
00:31:24,346 --> 00:31:27,883
about the whole business.
575
00:31:27,983 --> 00:31:31,052
I never had any sex
education at school.
576
00:31:31,152 --> 00:31:34,155
Everything I learned about sex
came from "Films and Filming,"
577
00:31:34,255 --> 00:31:37,993
the cinema, and my girlfriend.
578
00:31:38,093 --> 00:31:41,930
She sent me out into the world,
surer of myself in some ways,
579
00:31:42,030 --> 00:31:44,265
but still troubled.
580
00:31:44,366 --> 00:31:47,636
And where in hell was I
going to meet another man?
581
00:31:56,412 --> 00:31:58,447
It was a chance discovery
of the Coleherne in Earls
582
00:31:58,547 --> 00:32:00,416
Court that changed things.
583
00:32:00,516 --> 00:32:02,484
A student reunion, a pisser.
584
00:32:02,584 --> 00:32:05,053
It was one of the other
students who recognized
585
00:32:05,153 --> 00:32:07,088
the kind of place we
were in, and thought
586
00:32:07,188 --> 00:32:08,223
that we better get out.
587
00:32:08,323 --> 00:32:10,659
It's a queer bar, he said.
588
00:32:10,759 --> 00:32:13,094
The next night, I
was back like a shot,
589
00:32:13,194 --> 00:32:16,498
though it took a good few
pints in a pub across the road
590
00:32:16,598 --> 00:32:18,900
before I could pluck up
the courage to go in.
591
00:32:19,000 --> 00:32:22,137
And once through the door, I
made straight for the bar, too
592
00:32:22,237 --> 00:32:25,373
nervous to talk to anyone else.
593
00:32:25,474 --> 00:32:29,377
At closing time, I drifted with
the crowd out into the streets.
594
00:32:29,478 --> 00:32:32,147
The police were there,
breaking up the conversations,
595
00:32:32,247 --> 00:32:35,884
telling people to move on.
596
00:32:35,984 --> 00:32:39,354
Everyone seemed to be walking
off in the same direction.
597
00:32:39,455 --> 00:32:43,258
Wherever they were going, I
didn't want to be left behind.
598
00:32:43,358 --> 00:32:47,796
I went down some steps,
paid some money at a window,
599
00:32:47,896 --> 00:32:51,266
and there it was: a
cellar packed with men.
600
00:33:01,643 --> 00:33:03,378
I knew I was home.
601
00:33:08,316 --> 00:33:10,619
I saw a man there that night.
602
00:33:10,719 --> 00:33:14,456
He looked just like the boy in
the year above me at school.
603
00:33:14,556 --> 00:33:19,227
I followed him into the
corridor behind the dance floor.
604
00:33:19,327 --> 00:33:21,096
This time, he didn't
slam the door.
605
00:33:21,196 --> 00:33:24,533
There were no
obscene phone calls.
606
00:33:24,633 --> 00:33:29,170
That night was the first time
I had touched another man.
607
00:33:29,270 --> 00:33:30,672
I was 22.
608
00:33:30,772 --> 00:33:34,943
The lightning didn't strike,
and the earth didn't open.
609
00:33:35,043 --> 00:33:37,412
I felt like life had just begun.
610
00:34:25,393 --> 00:34:26,227
Good morning.
611
00:34:26,327 --> 00:34:27,896
Morning.
612
00:34:27,996 --> 00:34:29,097
Did you get much sleep?
613
00:34:29,197 --> 00:34:30,599
Uh, well, I got
some sleep, yeah.
614
00:34:30,699 --> 00:34:33,401
I don't feel too bad now.
615
00:34:33,501 --> 00:34:34,636
Did you want anything
for breakfast?
616
00:34:34,736 --> 00:34:37,105
Uh, well, I've got
to go home anyway.
617
00:34:37,205 --> 00:34:38,807
I've got to do some
marking actually.
618
00:34:38,907 --> 00:34:39,575
Marking?
Are you a teacher?
619
00:34:39,675 --> 00:34:40,375
Yeah.
Yeah.
620
00:34:40,475 --> 00:34:42,644
I teach geography.
621
00:34:42,744 --> 00:34:44,112
Yeah.
622
00:34:44,212 --> 00:34:47,015
Yeah.
623
00:34:47,115 --> 00:34:49,450
And I've got quite a
lot to do today as I'm
624
00:34:49,551 --> 00:34:51,386
covering for somebody as well.
625
00:34:51,486 --> 00:34:52,854
Yeah.
626
00:34:52,954 --> 00:34:55,290
Um.
627
00:34:55,390 --> 00:34:57,158
Quite a few things
to remember too.
628
00:34:59,795 --> 00:35:00,495
What about you?
629
00:35:00,596 --> 00:35:01,830
What do you do?
630
00:35:01,930 --> 00:35:03,732
Work in the city.
631
00:35:03,832 --> 00:35:07,102
That's very
different, actually.
632
00:35:07,202 --> 00:35:10,005
Yeah.
633
00:35:10,105 --> 00:35:12,674
Well, I'm sorry I
can't sit much longer,
634
00:35:12,774 --> 00:35:13,842
but I've got to
get ready for work.
635
00:35:13,942 --> 00:35:14,643
Oh.
636
00:35:14,743 --> 00:35:15,644
Papers to get ready.
637
00:35:15,744 --> 00:35:16,945
Well, I've got to
go anyway really.
638
00:35:17,045 --> 00:35:17,746
So.
639
00:35:20,816 --> 00:35:22,584
I'll probably see you in the
club again sometime anyway,
640
00:35:22,684 --> 00:35:23,652
won't I?
-OK.
641
00:35:23,752 --> 00:35:25,086
I'm down there on
weekends when I'm free.
642
00:35:25,186 --> 00:35:26,554
Yeah.
643
00:35:26,655 --> 00:35:27,522
Take care.
644
00:35:27,623 --> 00:35:29,490
Yeah.
645
00:35:29,591 --> 00:35:32,928
[music playing]
646
00:35:50,245 --> 00:35:53,114
RON PECK: The place was
called the catacombs.
647
00:35:53,214 --> 00:35:55,684
I went there regularly
after that first night,
648
00:35:55,784 --> 00:35:57,753
two or three times a week.
649
00:35:57,853 --> 00:36:00,355
I moved into the area,
and one way or another,
650
00:36:00,455 --> 00:36:02,691
I met a lot of
people like myself.
651
00:36:02,791 --> 00:36:06,795
And a lot of people who were not
like myself, who knew the scene
652
00:36:06,895 --> 00:36:08,997
and introduced me to
other bars and pubs,
653
00:36:09,097 --> 00:36:13,234
as far flung as Richmond
in the Surrey Docks.
654
00:36:13,334 --> 00:36:16,972
[music playing]
655
00:36:58,546 --> 00:37:02,117
The map of London began to
light up for me at night,
656
00:37:02,217 --> 00:37:04,452
and behind closed
doors, we exchange
657
00:37:04,552 --> 00:37:05,486
the stories of our lives.
658
00:38:02,811 --> 00:38:04,445
But when we walked
out in the mornings
659
00:38:04,545 --> 00:38:07,082
to our separate jobs
and occupations,
660
00:38:07,182 --> 00:38:09,684
we left our
homosexuality behind us.
661
00:38:09,785 --> 00:38:13,288
We were normal people, traveling
on the buses and the tubes.
662
00:38:24,766 --> 00:38:27,535
Well, what's this then?
663
00:38:27,635 --> 00:38:30,638
A regular seller of investments.
664
00:38:30,738 --> 00:38:34,409
Five and six, two
words, five and six.
665
00:38:34,509 --> 00:38:36,177
The first one is-- you ready?
666
00:38:36,277 --> 00:38:36,978
Yeah.
667
00:38:37,078 --> 00:38:39,414
Blank-H-Blank-R-Blank.
668
00:38:39,514 --> 00:38:41,116
Blank-H-Blank-R-H.
669
00:38:41,216 --> 00:38:42,150
-No.
-Shareholder.
670
00:38:42,250 --> 00:38:42,951
Blank, the last one.
671
00:38:43,051 --> 00:38:44,352
Shareholder, yeah.
672
00:38:44,452 --> 00:38:46,121
No, no, wait a minute.
673
00:38:46,221 --> 00:38:49,690
And the second word begins
with P. P-three blanks-E-Blank.
674
00:38:52,794 --> 00:38:54,695
What's the clue again?
675
00:38:54,796 --> 00:38:56,631
A regular seller of investments.
676
00:38:56,731 --> 00:39:00,335
A regular seller
of investments.
677
00:39:00,435 --> 00:39:04,005
RON PECK: It was the common
experience, the double life.
678
00:39:04,105 --> 00:39:08,243
Half of it open, the other half
secret, furtive, and at night.
679
00:39:08,343 --> 00:39:12,080
It led to lies and deceits,
looking and not looking.
680
00:39:12,180 --> 00:39:14,682
There was still that fear of
the phone call to the office,
681
00:39:14,782 --> 00:39:17,685
to the wife, to the
mother and father.
682
00:39:17,785 --> 00:39:20,155
Keeping quiet about
it, living discreetly,
683
00:39:20,255 --> 00:39:22,958
seemed the only way to survive.
684
00:39:23,058 --> 00:39:25,560
I was a film school at
the time, working evenings
685
00:39:25,660 --> 00:39:27,462
as a teacher to pay my way.
686
00:39:27,562 --> 00:39:31,833
I certainly couldn't
afford to lose my job.
687
00:39:31,933 --> 00:39:32,767
[music playing]
688
00:39:35,670 --> 00:39:37,505
Late night and at weekends,
you would have found me
689
00:39:37,605 --> 00:39:41,076
at the Catacombs, getting
drunk, increasingly aware
690
00:39:41,176 --> 00:39:43,744
that my world was cleaving
in opposite directions,
691
00:39:43,845 --> 00:39:46,614
and that something
was wrong with that.
692
00:39:54,522 --> 00:39:56,591
There were no special
newspapers or magazines for us
693
00:39:56,691 --> 00:39:59,327
in those days that
I was aware of,
694
00:39:59,427 --> 00:40:01,162
and most of the
other papers still
695
00:40:01,262 --> 00:40:05,500
wrote about beasts and queers
if they I wrote about us at all.
696
00:40:05,600 --> 00:40:07,568
But in the bars, some
people started coming around
697
00:40:07,668 --> 00:40:10,171
with a broad sheet, a
couple of stenciled pages
698
00:40:10,271 --> 00:40:13,108
stapled together.
699
00:40:13,208 --> 00:40:17,879
It gave way to a
newspaper, "Gay News."
700
00:40:17,979 --> 00:40:19,881
I didn't know about
this word, "gay."
701
00:40:19,981 --> 00:40:21,917
It seemed a little silly to me.
702
00:40:22,017 --> 00:40:23,784
But I was happy to
exchange the words
703
00:40:23,885 --> 00:40:27,155
"homo" and "queer" for it.
704
00:40:27,255 --> 00:40:30,025
Eventually, they sold it
to my local news agents,
705
00:40:30,125 --> 00:40:33,561
but I couldn't bring myself to
buy it there for a long time.
706
00:40:33,661 --> 00:40:36,297
I stuck to buying it in the
bars and hiding it in my jacket
707
00:40:36,397 --> 00:40:38,233
on the bus ride home.
708
00:40:38,333 --> 00:40:43,504
Only when I was behind my own
door, did I dare to open it.
709
00:40:43,604 --> 00:40:46,574
But, issue by issue, gay
began to mean something.
710
00:40:50,378 --> 00:40:53,014
The gay world began to open up.
711
00:40:53,114 --> 00:40:56,017
There were other places in
London I didn't know about.
712
00:40:56,117 --> 00:40:58,353
There were bars and
clubs all over Britain.
713
00:40:58,453 --> 00:41:01,422
There were places in
Europe, in America,
714
00:41:01,522 --> 00:41:04,425
in South America, Australia.
715
00:41:04,525 --> 00:41:08,296
There was a history, a past,
which writers and historians
716
00:41:08,396 --> 00:41:10,565
were recovering and
putting back together,
717
00:41:10,665 --> 00:41:12,700
and a future to be aimed
at and struggled for.
718
00:41:36,357 --> 00:41:39,194
If the world would not
accommodate homosexuals,
719
00:41:39,294 --> 00:41:43,064
we would create our
own world, a gay world.
720
00:41:43,164 --> 00:41:45,033
And from the protection
of its walls,
721
00:41:45,133 --> 00:41:47,402
search lights were
switched on and scrutinize
722
00:41:47,502 --> 00:41:50,305
all representations
of things gay.
723
00:41:50,405 --> 00:41:53,374
Defenses were mounted,
and attacks made.
724
00:41:53,474 --> 00:41:56,577
All kinds of groups began
to organize themselves.
725
00:41:56,677 --> 00:42:00,081
Gay teachers groups, theater
groups, legal groups,
726
00:42:00,181 --> 00:42:03,684
gay plumbers and gay writers.
727
00:42:03,784 --> 00:42:06,121
All this gave
confidence and it began
728
00:42:06,221 --> 00:42:08,456
to connect people with what
felt like a general upsurge
729
00:42:08,556 --> 00:42:10,391
and overturn.
730
00:42:10,491 --> 00:42:12,827
People talk about
the '60s, but it
731
00:42:12,927 --> 00:42:15,463
was the '70s when the
general dissent began to make
732
00:42:15,563 --> 00:42:17,832
itself felt for many of us.
733
00:43:02,277 --> 00:43:04,279
Britain could not
build walls fast enough
734
00:43:04,379 --> 00:43:07,082
to stop the ideas that were
bursting in from France,
735
00:43:07,182 --> 00:43:09,450
Germany, and the United States.
736
00:43:09,550 --> 00:43:11,252
And if the national
news media would not
737
00:43:11,352 --> 00:43:13,254
report the events that
were changing the world,
738
00:43:13,354 --> 00:43:16,457
then our own media would do it.
739
00:43:16,557 --> 00:43:20,495
It was the vigor of a new kind
of politics, no longer tied
740
00:43:20,595 --> 00:43:22,463
to old structures of
party [inaudible],
741
00:43:22,563 --> 00:43:25,466
but to self-identified
groups, directly
742
00:43:25,566 --> 00:43:27,368
defending their interests.
743
00:43:27,468 --> 00:43:30,071
The personal was
now the political.
744
00:44:05,973 --> 00:44:07,575
A new black was emerging.
745
00:44:07,675 --> 00:44:09,410
A new woman.
746
00:44:09,510 --> 00:44:11,312
The pressure was on for gays.
747
00:44:11,412 --> 00:44:12,947
There was a new cry.
748
00:44:13,047 --> 00:44:16,784
Come out, come out,
wherever you are.
749
00:44:16,884 --> 00:44:18,919
But even with rousing
revolutionary texts
750
00:44:19,019 --> 00:44:21,656
swirling around your
head and demonstrations
751
00:44:21,756 --> 00:44:24,892
parading across the capital
with banners flying,
752
00:44:24,992 --> 00:44:25,793
it wasn't so easy.
753
00:44:25,893 --> 00:44:27,728
I can tell you.
754
00:44:27,828 --> 00:44:31,098
It was the big step from
which there was no going back.
755
00:44:31,199 --> 00:44:33,000
You needed a strong
group around you,
756
00:44:33,100 --> 00:44:36,704
not to feel fear at the
possible consequences of that.
757
00:44:36,804 --> 00:44:39,307
There were plenty of stories
of people losing their friends,
758
00:44:39,407 --> 00:44:40,608
and family, and job.
759
00:44:46,481 --> 00:44:49,317
But many people took that step.
760
00:44:49,417 --> 00:44:52,320
John Warburton, a geography
teacher, came out at school
761
00:44:52,420 --> 00:44:55,022
and was sacked as a consequence.
762
00:44:55,122 --> 00:44:56,924
A group formed around
him and campaigned
763
00:44:57,024 --> 00:44:58,859
to get him back his job.
764
00:44:58,959 --> 00:45:01,729
A support structure was
being created to try and make
765
00:45:01,829 --> 00:45:03,931
it easier for all of us.
766
00:45:04,031 --> 00:45:07,101
The demonstrations became
not merely proud, but angry.
767
00:45:15,109 --> 00:45:17,312
I think it's something
most gay people have to face
768
00:45:17,412 --> 00:45:18,779
sooner or later, don't they?
769
00:45:18,879 --> 00:45:19,747
You're gay, are you?
770
00:45:19,847 --> 00:45:21,282
Yes.
771
00:45:21,382 --> 00:45:23,284
And, presumably,
you have faced it.
772
00:45:23,384 --> 00:45:26,321
At work, well, pretty
well everyone knows.
773
00:45:26,421 --> 00:45:29,657
I mean, how much of a
hassle was it for you?
774
00:45:29,757 --> 00:45:30,758
Well, it wasn't.
775
00:45:30,858 --> 00:45:32,460
Yes, but you don't
teach in this school.
776
00:45:32,560 --> 00:45:34,495
You don't have kids talking
about fucking queers
777
00:45:34,595 --> 00:45:37,732
and lesbians all day, do you?
778
00:45:37,832 --> 00:45:39,400
Maybe if there was some
gay kids in the class,
779
00:45:39,500 --> 00:45:40,201
I got through to them.
780
00:45:40,301 --> 00:45:41,236
I don't know.
781
00:45:41,336 --> 00:45:42,970
I just wish I'd been prepared.
782
00:45:43,070 --> 00:45:46,807
Yes, but at least you
answered the questions.
783
00:45:46,907 --> 00:45:48,543
I think you did really well.
784
00:45:48,643 --> 00:45:50,978
[indistinct chatter]
785
00:45:56,917 --> 00:45:58,619
Do you have much
trouble with customers?
786
00:45:58,719 --> 00:45:59,720
I mean, if you're
an electrician,
787
00:45:59,820 --> 00:46:01,021
and you go around
wearing those badges.
788
00:46:01,121 --> 00:46:02,657
Um, no, I haven't had much.
789
00:46:02,757 --> 00:46:03,758
Um.
790
00:46:03,858 --> 00:46:07,027
A lot of people sort
of try to ignore them.
791
00:46:07,127 --> 00:46:08,095
Yeah.
792
00:46:08,195 --> 00:46:11,366
And, very often, I
have to, if I want to,
793
00:46:11,466 --> 00:46:14,635
I have to actually
raise the question.
794
00:46:14,735 --> 00:46:17,071
But why, but why
do you have to?
795
00:46:17,171 --> 00:46:19,974
Well, because, I'm, I'm gay.
796
00:46:20,074 --> 00:46:23,844
And if I don't make
[inaudible] might interest.
797
00:46:23,944 --> 00:46:26,281
And they keep on asking when
I'm going to get married
798
00:46:26,381 --> 00:46:28,516
and all that sort of shit.
799
00:46:28,616 --> 00:46:30,451
Shit.
800
00:46:30,551 --> 00:46:32,387
[chatter]
801
00:46:32,487 --> 00:46:34,154
Because you also
get hostility, you
802
00:46:34,255 --> 00:46:37,692
know, you get people
threatening to beat you up,
803
00:46:37,792 --> 00:46:39,294
tops of buses and things.
804
00:46:39,394 --> 00:46:40,395
-Do you?
-Yeah.
805
00:46:40,495 --> 00:46:41,596
Yeah.
806
00:46:41,696 --> 00:46:44,031
I would think that would
get really boring, though.
807
00:46:44,131 --> 00:46:44,832
Oh yeah.
808
00:46:44,932 --> 00:46:45,633
It's bluster.
809
00:46:48,736 --> 00:46:51,038
[chatter]
810
00:46:51,138 --> 00:46:52,072
Yeah.
811
00:46:52,172 --> 00:46:54,975
Well I, since I've
been wearing badges,
812
00:46:55,075 --> 00:46:57,845
I've been thrown out of more
pubs than you could imagine.
813
00:46:57,945 --> 00:46:59,314
How long have you
been wearing them?
814
00:46:59,414 --> 00:47:01,716
About three years.
815
00:47:01,816 --> 00:47:03,150
You're life must have changed.
816
00:47:03,250 --> 00:47:05,586
Oh, my life has
completely changed
817
00:47:05,686 --> 00:47:07,755
since I got involved
in gay liberation
818
00:47:07,855 --> 00:47:10,591
about four or five years ago.
819
00:47:10,691 --> 00:47:13,093
[music playing]
820
00:47:28,643 --> 00:47:31,045
Those fucking queers
dancing together.
821
00:47:31,145 --> 00:47:32,112
You know what I'm talking about.
822
00:47:32,212 --> 00:47:34,214
I'm not having that
in my front room.
823
00:47:34,315 --> 00:47:35,850
It's our front room.
824
00:47:35,950 --> 00:47:37,151
They are my friends.
825
00:47:37,251 --> 00:47:38,619
Yeah, and that's
typical of your attitudes
826
00:47:38,719 --> 00:47:40,421
since you started
this bloody job.
827
00:47:40,521 --> 00:47:42,857
You've got so bloody
slapdash and all these people
828
00:47:42,957 --> 00:47:44,191
you're bringing into the place.
829
00:47:44,291 --> 00:47:46,327
Now you can just get them
out, cause I'm not having it.
830
00:47:46,427 --> 00:47:50,164
I am not going to
ask them to leave.
831
00:47:50,264 --> 00:47:52,533
What was wrong with him?
832
00:47:52,633 --> 00:47:53,934
He doesn't like my friends.
833
00:47:54,034 --> 00:47:54,802
Anyway, forget it.
834
00:47:54,902 --> 00:47:55,603
Let's have a dance.
835
00:48:02,810 --> 00:48:04,512
RON PECK: And yet, I still
hadn't come out myself.
836
00:48:10,551 --> 00:48:12,453
I made a sideways move.
837
00:48:12,553 --> 00:48:14,389
I was a student at the
London Film School,
838
00:48:14,489 --> 00:48:17,257
and I made a film
called, "Its Ugly Head."
839
00:48:17,358 --> 00:48:19,093
It was about a
gay school teacher
840
00:48:19,193 --> 00:48:21,562
who lived in a prison of
his own making, who lived
841
00:48:21,662 --> 00:48:25,132
a lie, who would not come out.
842
00:48:25,232 --> 00:48:27,735
I wanted to make a
film about a gay bar,
843
00:48:27,835 --> 00:48:29,737
but I found it tough
enough moving this far.
844
00:48:39,747 --> 00:48:41,115
Hello.
845
00:48:41,215 --> 00:48:42,182
Hello.
846
00:48:42,282 --> 00:48:44,385
I haven't seen you
in a long, long time.
847
00:48:44,485 --> 00:48:46,821
No, I've been busy.
848
00:48:46,921 --> 00:48:48,322
Still teaching?
849
00:48:48,423 --> 00:48:49,189
Yes.
850
00:48:49,289 --> 00:48:51,291
And writing.
851
00:48:51,392 --> 00:48:53,794
I've-- I'm married now.
852
00:48:58,165 --> 00:49:00,167
All right?
853
00:49:00,267 --> 00:49:02,570
Yes, thank you.
854
00:49:05,540 --> 00:49:06,841
You're very well.
855
00:49:12,847 --> 00:49:14,314
RON PECK: It was the
beginning of saying, even
856
00:49:14,415 --> 00:49:16,383
to my fellow students, I'm gay.
857
00:49:20,755 --> 00:49:23,257
And it made it easier
then, to take that step
858
00:49:23,357 --> 00:49:24,659
and come out to
friends and family.
859
00:49:27,728 --> 00:49:30,965
But it wasn't the film
I'd really wanted to make.
860
00:49:31,065 --> 00:49:33,133
Thought I'd take a stroll.
861
00:49:33,233 --> 00:49:34,368
Isn't it cold out?
862
00:49:34,469 --> 00:49:35,903
I don't know.
863
00:49:36,003 --> 00:49:37,972
Is there anything you want?
864
00:49:38,072 --> 00:49:38,806
No.
865
00:49:38,906 --> 00:49:41,141
A bite to eat?
866
00:49:41,241 --> 00:49:43,611
Ovaltine?
867
00:49:43,711 --> 00:49:45,580
Right.
868
00:49:45,680 --> 00:49:48,148
Well.
869
00:49:48,248 --> 00:49:50,585
I'll be off.
870
00:49:50,685 --> 00:49:52,453
Will you be back tonight?
871
00:49:52,553 --> 00:49:53,688
Of course I will.
872
00:49:53,788 --> 00:49:54,855
What do you mean?
873
00:49:54,955 --> 00:49:56,557
I just thought you
might not be, that's all.
874
00:49:56,657 --> 00:49:58,859
I'm just going for a stroll.
875
00:49:58,959 --> 00:49:59,827
All right.
876
00:50:05,232 --> 00:50:08,202
RON PECK: In my immediate
circles, I was out.
877
00:50:08,302 --> 00:50:10,437
To that extent, the
double life was over
878
00:50:10,538 --> 00:50:13,440
and I felt the
exhilaration of that.
879
00:50:13,541 --> 00:50:17,545
My difficulties began to
be of a different nature.
880
00:50:17,645 --> 00:50:19,914
Being gay was becoming
a recognizably
881
00:50:20,014 --> 00:50:22,249
more complex experience.
882
00:50:22,349 --> 00:50:23,383
Don't forget.
883
00:50:23,484 --> 00:50:28,489
We're here every Friday,
Saturday, and Wednesday.
884
00:50:28,589 --> 00:50:30,491
And if you can, please
take you're empty
885
00:50:30,591 --> 00:50:32,627
glasses downstairs
with you as you go.
886
00:50:32,727 --> 00:50:33,427
See you soon.
887
00:50:36,564 --> 00:50:38,365
Why don't you come back?
888
00:50:38,465 --> 00:50:41,201
Uh, I don't think that
would be a good idea, Jim.
889
00:50:41,301 --> 00:50:42,770
But why?
890
00:50:42,870 --> 00:50:44,739
It's nice to see you again.
891
00:50:44,839 --> 00:50:45,873
We must keep in touch.
892
00:50:45,973 --> 00:50:46,974
You ready?
Old dear.
893
00:50:47,074 --> 00:50:47,775
Yes John.
894
00:50:47,875 --> 00:50:49,209
Yeah.
895
00:50:49,309 --> 00:50:50,244
Where's your coat?
896
00:50:50,344 --> 00:50:51,045
It's okay.
897
00:50:51,145 --> 00:50:51,846
It's outside.
898
00:50:56,350 --> 00:50:57,051
OK.
899
00:50:57,151 --> 00:50:57,852
Yeah.
900
00:50:57,952 --> 00:50:59,486
Come on.
901
00:50:59,587 --> 00:51:00,921
Right, I'll see you again.
902
00:51:01,021 --> 00:51:02,056
Yeah, sure.
903
00:51:02,156 --> 00:51:03,357
-It was nice to meet you.
-Nice to meet you.
904
00:51:03,457 --> 00:51:04,191
I'll see you.
905
00:51:04,291 --> 00:51:05,292
Good night.
906
00:51:05,392 --> 00:51:07,528
Please take some empty
glasses downstairs.
907
00:51:16,403 --> 00:51:19,707
All right
908
00:51:19,807 --> 00:51:22,109
RON PECK: It was by no means
all solidarity and support
909
00:51:22,209 --> 00:51:24,478
in the bars and the clubs.
910
00:51:24,579 --> 00:51:27,381
"Make love not war"
the badges said.
911
00:51:27,481 --> 00:51:30,350
But the gay world was
itself a battlefield
912
00:51:30,450 --> 00:51:32,820
to love and affection.
913
00:51:32,920 --> 00:51:37,524
Old ideas of finding one man,
Mr. Right, were challenged.
914
00:51:37,625 --> 00:51:39,393
Loosen up and enjoy the party.
915
00:51:39,493 --> 00:51:40,995
Liberate yourself.
916
00:51:41,095 --> 00:51:43,598
If you must have a relationship,
make it an open one.
917
00:51:43,698 --> 00:51:45,299
See him weekends.
918
00:51:45,399 --> 00:51:47,267
See the world the
rest of the week.
919
00:52:04,151 --> 00:52:06,053
Anyone here you fancy?
920
00:52:06,153 --> 00:52:07,722
Yeah, a couple.
921
00:52:07,822 --> 00:52:09,657
Well what about this one here?
922
00:52:09,757 --> 00:52:10,758
Who, the one with the--
923
00:52:10,858 --> 00:52:11,759
Boy Scout with earrings.
924
00:52:11,859 --> 00:52:13,861
Yes, the Dear Monty earrings.
925
00:52:13,961 --> 00:52:15,562
There's a nice one right
over there in the corner,
926
00:52:15,663 --> 00:52:18,332
though, look?
927
00:52:18,432 --> 00:52:21,535
Yes, wear jackets and smile.
928
00:52:21,636 --> 00:52:22,970
[laughter]
929
00:52:24,504 --> 00:52:25,806
Did you come on your own?
930
00:52:28,709 --> 00:52:32,880
I think we're better
off with the brownies.
931
00:52:32,980 --> 00:52:34,982
There's one in a leather
jacket over there I really like.
932
00:52:35,082 --> 00:52:36,050
Yeah, he's really nice.
933
00:52:36,150 --> 00:52:36,917
Yeah.
934
00:52:37,017 --> 00:52:38,252
Made an approach yet?
935
00:52:38,352 --> 00:52:39,053
Mm-mm.
936
00:52:39,153 --> 00:52:40,054
Look him in the eye?
937
00:52:40,154 --> 00:52:41,956
No, he's talking to someone.
938
00:52:42,056 --> 00:52:44,591
I'm trying to wait
for him to go.
939
00:52:44,692 --> 00:52:45,893
Well, why don't
you just move in?
940
00:52:45,993 --> 00:52:47,862
That'll work.
941
00:52:47,962 --> 00:52:50,197
Oh, look, he's going.
942
00:52:50,297 --> 00:52:50,998
Oh, he's nice.
943
00:52:51,098 --> 00:52:51,966
Here's your big chance.
944
00:52:52,066 --> 00:52:53,067
OK.
945
00:52:53,167 --> 00:52:54,401
Look, I've got to leave
in about 20 minutes
946
00:52:54,501 --> 00:52:55,202
to get in the last tube.
947
00:52:55,302 --> 00:52:56,370
I can't afford to get a cab.
948
00:52:56,470 --> 00:52:57,171
OK.
949
00:52:57,271 --> 00:52:58,305
I'll give you ten minutes.
950
00:52:58,405 --> 00:52:59,306
Gives me ten minutes.
951
00:52:59,406 --> 00:53:00,107
Fair?
952
00:53:00,207 --> 00:53:01,241
-OK.
-See ya.
953
00:53:01,341 --> 00:53:02,042
See ya.
954
00:53:02,142 --> 00:53:03,410
Ta-da.
955
00:53:03,510 --> 00:53:06,413
I was smoking 20 a day, but
I've managed to stop entirely.
956
00:53:06,513 --> 00:53:07,514
Can't handle those things.
957
00:53:07,614 --> 00:53:09,116
Sometimes I feel like one after.
958
00:53:09,216 --> 00:53:10,250
After after?
959
00:53:10,350 --> 00:53:14,154
After a good meal,
and, um, after sex.
960
00:53:14,254 --> 00:53:17,057
A few times I feel
like a cigarette.
961
00:53:17,157 --> 00:53:20,460
But since I've had mine just
now, I'm not too desperate.
962
00:53:20,560 --> 00:53:24,464
But now I'm pissed about it
because I missed the last tube.
963
00:53:24,564 --> 00:53:25,766
So you only came
down here because you
964
00:53:25,866 --> 00:53:26,901
missed the last tube?
965
00:53:27,001 --> 00:53:27,835
Well, no.
966
00:53:27,935 --> 00:53:29,636
I-- I acted stupidly.
967
00:53:29,737 --> 00:53:30,604
You know how it is.
968
00:53:30,705 --> 00:53:32,572
You go into the
pub, and I thought
969
00:53:32,673 --> 00:53:33,774
am I going to get
the last tube home
970
00:53:33,874 --> 00:53:38,212
or am I not going to
get the last tube home.
971
00:53:38,312 --> 00:53:41,215
For some reason, get
impelled down and now
972
00:53:41,315 --> 00:53:42,717
I've missed the last tube home.
973
00:53:51,258 --> 00:53:54,661
[music playing]
974
00:54:48,582 --> 00:54:50,751
RON PECK: The ground
moved under my feet.
975
00:54:50,851 --> 00:54:52,619
I felt unstable, emotionally.
976
00:54:52,719 --> 00:54:55,055
Not to attach myself.
977
00:54:55,155 --> 00:54:58,859
I felt at odds with the
separating of sex from emotion.
978
00:54:58,959 --> 00:55:01,095
7,000 partners in 10 years.
979
00:55:01,195 --> 00:55:02,529
That was John Ritchie's boast.
980
00:55:02,629 --> 00:55:05,499
He said he was aiming at 10,000.
981
00:55:05,599 --> 00:55:11,438
[music playing]
982
00:56:44,198 --> 00:56:46,233
I joined the party
as much as anyone,
983
00:56:46,333 --> 00:56:49,803
but I carried a secret
even inside the gay world.
984
00:56:49,904 --> 00:56:54,308
I was searching for Mr Right,
perhaps even Mr. America.
985
00:56:54,408 --> 00:56:57,511
And in every face I saw
on the dance floors--
986
00:56:57,611 --> 00:56:59,113
I looked for him in every bed.
987
00:56:59,213 --> 00:57:01,982
And when I thought
I came close, I
988
00:57:02,082 --> 00:57:05,819
saw another who I thought
might take me even closer,
989
00:57:05,920 --> 00:57:08,055
and another, and another.
990
00:57:08,155 --> 00:57:09,423
And many a time,
he would give me
991
00:57:09,523 --> 00:57:11,425
the slip after just one night.
992
00:57:11,525 --> 00:57:13,693
Or would refuse the
signal of interest
993
00:57:13,793 --> 00:57:16,030
I sent across the dance floor.
994
00:57:16,130 --> 00:57:17,898
Or turn down the offer
of a drink or a cigarette
995
00:57:17,998 --> 00:57:21,135
with a smile,
before walking away,
996
00:57:21,235 --> 00:57:24,671
as you did yourself, so many
times to so many other people.
997
00:57:28,742 --> 00:57:29,843
Where do you live then?
998
00:57:29,944 --> 00:57:32,446
Notting Hill.
999
00:57:32,546 --> 00:57:34,014
Do you live on your own?
1000
00:57:34,114 --> 00:57:35,415
Yeah.
1001
00:57:35,515 --> 00:57:36,683
Where do you live?
1002
00:57:36,783 --> 00:57:37,484
Acton.
1003
00:57:41,355 --> 00:57:44,858
Do you want to come
back to my place then?
1004
00:57:44,959 --> 00:57:46,160
Yeah.
1005
00:57:46,260 --> 00:57:50,430
Unless you want to come back
to my place, it's nearer.
1006
00:57:50,530 --> 00:57:53,067
Well, the only thing is,
that, I got to go all the way
1007
00:57:53,167 --> 00:57:54,701
back to Acton tomorrow morning.
1008
00:57:54,801 --> 00:57:56,036
It's like two tube trains.
1009
00:57:56,136 --> 00:57:58,138
And then I've got to go
back to center again.
1010
00:57:58,238 --> 00:58:01,108
[music playing]
1011
00:58:51,891 --> 00:58:52,592
Coffee?
1012
00:58:52,692 --> 00:58:53,727
Thank you
1013
00:58:53,827 --> 00:58:54,794
-How's your head?
-All right.
1014
00:58:54,894 --> 00:58:55,729
How's yours?
1015
00:58:55,829 --> 00:58:57,064
Still thumping a bit.
1016
00:58:57,164 --> 00:58:59,166
Too much red wine.
1017
00:58:59,266 --> 00:59:00,200
Your bath's running.
1018
00:59:00,300 --> 00:59:01,001
Great thank you.
1019
00:59:01,101 --> 00:59:02,369
And I've put a towel out.
1020
00:59:02,469 --> 00:59:04,838
And I've got some breakfast
on the go as well.
1021
00:59:04,938 --> 00:59:05,972
Do you want some toast and eggs?
1022
00:59:06,073 --> 00:59:06,840
Mmm, yes please.
1023
00:59:06,940 --> 00:59:07,641
All right.
1024
00:59:07,741 --> 00:59:08,708
I'll have it ready for you.
1025
00:59:08,808 --> 00:59:09,509
Thanks.
1026
00:59:21,755 --> 00:59:23,990
Well, you didn't ring, did you?
1027
00:59:24,091 --> 00:59:25,725
You didn't ring me.
1028
00:59:25,825 --> 00:59:28,228
No, I've been a bit busy.
1029
00:59:28,328 --> 01:00:00,927
Yeah, so have I.
1030
01:00:01,027 --> 01:00:04,564
Well, you didn't remember about
uh, two or three months ago.
1031
01:00:04,664 --> 01:00:08,668
We had an arrangement to
meet at the Chapstone.
1032
01:00:08,768 --> 01:00:10,704
You didn't even have
the decency to phone,
1033
01:00:10,804 --> 01:00:11,538
phone afterwards either.
1034
01:00:11,638 --> 01:00:15,175
I had to wait about three hours.
1035
01:00:15,275 --> 01:00:18,478
RON PECK: In those four years
in the bar, you had changed.
1036
01:00:18,578 --> 01:00:20,880
You were harder,
more calculating
1037
01:00:20,980 --> 01:00:22,982
in the way you dressed,
in the way you talked,
1038
01:00:23,083 --> 01:00:23,950
in the way you moved.
1039
01:00:30,490 --> 01:00:32,559
Everything became a
calculation in a game
1040
01:00:32,659 --> 01:00:34,828
that you hoped would
checkmate that obscure object
1041
01:00:34,928 --> 01:00:35,629
of your desire.
1042
01:00:40,234 --> 01:00:41,835
But it narrowed down.
1043
01:00:41,935 --> 01:00:45,272
A man was reduced to a
coded signal: leather
1044
01:00:45,372 --> 01:00:47,841
jacket, Levi's, haircut.
1045
01:00:47,941 --> 01:00:51,478
A poster in a bar shows 20
different handkerchiefs stuffed
1046
01:00:51,578 --> 01:00:54,648
into the back pockets of 501's.
1047
01:00:54,748 --> 01:00:57,284
Each one made it
clear what was wanted.
1048
01:00:57,384 --> 01:01:13,500
Underneath, it read, "Why
waste everybody's time?"
1049
01:01:13,600 --> 01:01:16,603
The basis for the new
film was clear now.
1050
01:01:16,703 --> 01:01:19,273
It was to put up on the
screen something of that life
1051
01:01:19,373 --> 01:01:21,975
I and others were living.
1052
01:01:22,075 --> 01:01:23,777
And the desire to
do just that was
1053
01:01:23,877 --> 01:01:26,012
all the fiercer,
because still, it was
1054
01:01:26,112 --> 01:01:28,848
being ignored across the media.
1055
01:01:28,948 --> 01:01:30,750
There were a few
films in the cinema,
1056
01:01:30,850 --> 01:01:34,020
but I found no close
identity with any of them.
1057
01:01:34,120 --> 01:01:36,956
Some of them were brave and
they kept the flame alive.
1058
01:01:37,056 --> 01:01:39,926
Television hadn't
even lit the match.
1059
01:01:40,026 --> 01:01:42,429
And the press, by and
large, still smeared
1060
01:01:42,529 --> 01:01:45,031
their front pages
with lies and covered
1061
01:01:45,131 --> 01:01:46,300
endorsements to violence.
1062
01:01:49,336 --> 01:01:51,971
And so, like a young
man fired by a mission,
1063
01:01:52,071 --> 01:01:54,874
by a clear sense of
purpose, and fueled
1064
01:01:54,974 --> 01:01:57,143
by the energy of the
activity around me,
1065
01:01:57,244 --> 01:02:01,815
I put together, in the quiet
of my room, a plan for a film.
1066
01:02:01,915 --> 01:02:05,018
And then I went out with it,
to friends and to groups,
1067
01:02:05,118 --> 01:02:07,321
and discussed it.
1068
01:02:07,421 --> 01:02:10,324
In the light of their comments,
I rewrote it several times,
1069
01:02:10,424 --> 01:02:12,626
then put it to the
British Film Institute
1070
01:02:12,726 --> 01:02:15,094
for production finance.
1071
01:02:15,195 --> 01:02:18,965
And at the same time, I
took the irrevocable step.
1072
01:02:19,065 --> 01:02:21,535
I talked to "Gay News" about it.
1073
01:02:21,635 --> 01:02:24,103
This newspaper that I
was still afraid to buy
1074
01:02:24,204 --> 01:02:26,606
from the local news
agents, now carried
1075
01:02:26,706 --> 01:02:28,642
my picture on its front page.
1076
01:02:33,046 --> 01:02:35,915
250 letters followed
that article
1077
01:02:36,015 --> 01:02:39,085
from gay men and women in
every walk of life, all ages,
1078
01:02:39,185 --> 01:02:40,086
all over the country.
1079
01:02:49,229 --> 01:02:51,398
One of them was Paul
Hallam who was to become
1080
01:02:51,498 --> 01:02:55,034
my partner in the project.
1081
01:02:55,134 --> 01:02:57,371
Over several weeks, I
talked to most of the people
1082
01:02:57,471 --> 01:02:58,605
who had written in.
1083
01:02:58,705 --> 01:03:02,476
It was easier to talk
outside of the bars.
1084
01:03:02,576 --> 01:03:04,378
Between the letters
and the talking,
1085
01:03:04,478 --> 01:03:07,381
I heard the stories of many
different people's lives,
1086
01:03:07,481 --> 01:03:12,286
and my sense of what the gay
world was expanded enormously.
1087
01:03:12,386 --> 01:03:15,655
A core group emerged
from the 250.
1088
01:03:15,755 --> 01:03:17,291
One that turned into
a discussion group,
1089
01:03:17,391 --> 01:03:20,794
an acting troupe, a group of
people sharing the work that
1090
01:03:20,894 --> 01:03:23,530
might make this film happen.
1091
01:03:23,630 --> 01:03:26,333
It survived the first
of hundreds of blows.
1092
01:03:26,433 --> 01:03:29,703
When the BFI turned
down the application,
1093
01:03:29,803 --> 01:03:31,204
there was a determination.
1094
01:03:31,305 --> 01:03:32,539
We would make the film anyhow.
1095
01:03:32,639 --> 01:03:35,174
Fuck the BFI.
1096
01:03:35,275 --> 01:03:37,110
All our efforts had
to be concentrated
1097
01:03:37,210 --> 01:03:37,977
on raising finance.
1098
01:03:44,884 --> 01:03:47,554
There was another
great wave of response,
1099
01:03:47,654 --> 01:03:49,923
from five pound notes in
the post to commitments
1100
01:03:50,023 --> 01:03:51,825
from established
figures in the film
1101
01:03:51,925 --> 01:03:54,127
and entertainment business.
1102
01:03:54,227 --> 01:03:58,031
Most of them were gay, and they
wanted us to make the film.
1103
01:04:01,735 --> 01:04:03,069
[piano music]
1104
01:04:03,169 --> 01:04:07,341
Allan Stafford was part of the
group that met particularly.
1105
01:04:07,441 --> 01:04:09,242
At one stage, we considered
him for the schoolteacher.
1106
01:04:30,797 --> 01:04:32,131
I couldn't believe
it when I heard
1107
01:04:32,231 --> 01:04:34,200
a year after the
film was finished,
1108
01:04:34,300 --> 01:04:35,702
that he died in a car crash.
1109
01:04:40,774 --> 01:04:44,511
Apart from anything else, he
was a pretty good piano player.
1110
01:04:53,086 --> 01:04:55,254
But there was no script.
1111
01:04:55,355 --> 01:04:58,124
Just an intention, and
some basic dramatic ideas
1112
01:04:58,224 --> 01:05:02,729
to organize a narrative
around, some images,
1113
01:05:02,829 --> 01:05:04,931
Edward Hopper's
"Nighthawks" somehow
1114
01:05:05,031 --> 01:05:07,166
connecting to a motorway
drive in the dark.
1115
01:05:09,869 --> 01:05:13,673
Somehow, the night
was everything.
1116
01:05:13,773 --> 01:05:18,144
It was Jupiter and beyond
the infinite in 2001.
1117
01:05:18,244 --> 01:05:22,015
It was the planetarium blackness
of "Rebel Without a Cause."
1118
01:05:22,115 --> 01:05:25,251
Hopper night, city of night.
1119
01:05:25,351 --> 01:05:27,454
A night of film noir.
1120
01:05:27,554 --> 01:05:30,990
But within that blackness,
to switch on a neon sign,
1121
01:05:31,090 --> 01:05:34,193
a bedroom lamp, and
bring people together.
1122
01:05:39,999 --> 01:05:41,334
We made a start.
1123
01:05:41,435 --> 01:05:43,302
We used a video
camera to generate
1124
01:05:43,403 --> 01:05:44,804
the narrative out
of reenactments
1125
01:05:44,904 --> 01:05:47,774
of directly felt experience.
1126
01:05:47,874 --> 01:05:52,412
We took it into people's homes,
and into the bars and clubs.
1127
01:05:52,512 --> 01:05:55,014
People improvised for the
camera what they knew well
1128
01:05:55,114 --> 01:05:58,985
enough from their own lives.
1129
01:05:59,085 --> 01:06:01,087
Everything was played
back and discussed.
1130
01:06:05,959 --> 01:06:09,162
And out of this process,
came the material that was
1131
01:06:09,262 --> 01:06:11,164
to be the basis of the script.
1132
01:06:24,277 --> 01:06:26,646
We spent a year
working in this way,
1133
01:06:26,746 --> 01:06:29,048
and we suffered many more
disappointments in our efforts
1134
01:06:29,148 --> 01:06:31,084
to raise finance.
1135
01:06:31,184 --> 01:06:34,420
Finally what little money
we had raised ran out.
1136
01:06:34,521 --> 01:06:37,724
All that remained was
the offer of a loan.
1137
01:06:37,824 --> 01:06:39,593
Paul Hallam and I
called a meeting.
1138
01:06:39,693 --> 01:06:41,861
The 20 of us that had
stuck together for a year
1139
01:06:41,961 --> 01:06:44,998
had to consider for the
first time, the possibility
1140
01:06:45,098 --> 01:06:47,734
of giving up the project.
1141
01:06:47,834 --> 01:06:51,004
People got very
emotional, sentimental,
1142
01:06:51,104 --> 01:06:55,675
and I think we knew somehow
that we couldn't give up.
1143
01:06:55,775 --> 01:06:57,577
We decided to risk
the loan on making
1144
01:06:57,677 --> 01:07:01,481
a pilot film, the opening
pages of the script.
1145
01:07:01,581 --> 01:07:04,383
Two men making
contact in a gay club,
1146
01:07:04,484 --> 01:07:07,521
separating in the morning.
1147
01:07:07,621 --> 01:07:10,056
The decision attracted
further finance,
1148
01:07:10,156 --> 01:07:11,725
and the pilot raised
the first money
1149
01:07:11,825 --> 01:07:14,093
we'd ever had for the script.
1150
01:07:14,193 --> 01:07:17,263
This time it was hard
money, professional money,
1151
01:07:17,363 --> 01:07:21,635
from a man who was to become
a major investor in the film.
1152
01:07:21,735 --> 01:07:23,770
The new script and the
pilot, between them,
1153
01:07:23,870 --> 01:07:26,205
finally secured the money
we needed to make the film.
1154
01:07:39,686 --> 01:07:41,555
It had taken us two
and a half years.
1155
01:07:46,025 --> 01:07:48,394
There were no professional
actors at this stage.
1156
01:07:48,494 --> 01:07:50,664
People, to a huge
extent, we're invited
1157
01:07:50,764 --> 01:07:53,900
to bring themselves into the
film, and it was cast for that.
1158
01:07:54,000 --> 01:07:57,771
For an abundance and a variety,
so that no single stereotype
1159
01:07:57,871 --> 01:08:00,106
could hold the field any longer.
1160
01:08:00,206 --> 01:08:02,742
It was important to us
that the gay characters be
1161
01:08:02,842 --> 01:08:05,344
unambiguously played by gays.
1162
01:08:05,444 --> 01:08:08,414
This film had to
be the real thing.
1163
01:08:08,514 --> 01:08:10,884
By this time, there was
almost no distinction between
1164
01:08:10,984 --> 01:08:13,887
my personal life and the film.
1165
01:08:13,987 --> 01:08:15,955
Friends had been pulled
in to play parts,
1166
01:08:16,055 --> 01:08:19,559
and other people became
friends as they were cast.
1167
01:08:19,659 --> 01:08:22,962
I think there was real confusion
in my mind sometimes, as
1168
01:08:23,062 --> 01:08:25,098
to whether people were
playing themselves
1169
01:08:25,198 --> 01:08:28,501
or acting out characters.
1170
01:08:28,602 --> 01:08:32,005
But we didn't have the
schoolteacher, the main part.
1171
01:08:32,105 --> 01:08:34,173
The character written
into every scene
1172
01:08:34,273 --> 01:08:36,109
and through whose point
of view, everything
1173
01:08:36,209 --> 01:08:38,211
was to be experienced.
1174
01:08:38,311 --> 01:08:41,514
Who I thought was me, Paul,
all of us involved in the film
1175
01:08:41,615 --> 01:08:42,616
somehow.
1176
01:08:42,716 --> 01:08:44,718
And on this
character's shoulders,
1177
01:08:44,818 --> 01:08:48,154
the film would stand or fall.
1178
01:08:48,254 --> 01:08:50,924
We searched everywhere for him.
1179
01:08:51,024 --> 01:08:54,628
It was like looking for
Mr. Right all over again.
1180
01:08:54,728 --> 01:08:57,897
In two years we haven't
found him-- had come close,
1181
01:08:57,997 --> 01:09:01,034
but hadn't actually found him.
1182
01:09:01,134 --> 01:09:04,337
He had to be in his
late '20s, good-looking,
1183
01:09:04,437 --> 01:09:07,941
but at the same time ordinary,
the man in the street.
1184
01:09:08,041 --> 01:09:09,876
Nothing about the way that
he looked could tell us
1185
01:09:09,976 --> 01:09:11,010
he was gay.
1186
01:09:11,110 --> 01:09:13,279
The drama, after all,
was about a man everyone
1187
01:09:13,379 --> 01:09:15,114
assumed to be straight.
1188
01:09:15,214 --> 01:09:18,718
He had to be able to
improvise, to act, to know
1189
01:09:18,818 --> 01:09:22,622
the world of the film, to
be gay himself, to be liked
1190
01:09:22,722 --> 01:09:26,626
by the camera, to be everything
that would fill that hole,
1191
01:09:26,726 --> 01:09:29,295
the center of the film.
1192
01:09:29,395 --> 01:09:31,865
We interviewed
hundreds of people.
1193
01:09:31,965 --> 01:09:33,733
We advertised.
1194
01:09:33,833 --> 01:09:37,170
We went to bars and discos,
and searched the dance floors
1195
01:09:37,270 --> 01:09:38,772
in the cruising corridors.
1196
01:09:38,872 --> 01:09:42,776
We got on and off trains when
we thought we'd seen him.
1197
01:09:42,876 --> 01:09:48,347
Finally, by chance, someone
told us about Ken Robertson.
1198
01:09:48,447 --> 01:09:50,283
We made a video.
1199
01:09:50,383 --> 01:09:53,753
And we cast him.
1200
01:09:53,853 --> 01:09:57,123
The Catacombs was re-built
for the second time,
1201
01:09:57,223 --> 01:09:58,124
and we shot the film.
1202
01:10:02,696 --> 01:10:05,564
Same old faces all the time.
1203
01:10:05,665 --> 01:10:07,233
It's getting pretty monotonous.
1204
01:10:07,333 --> 01:10:08,301
Yeah.
1205
01:10:08,401 --> 01:10:12,105
I think once you just
try to new places,
1206
01:10:12,205 --> 01:10:14,173
and maybe pick the better one.
1207
01:10:14,273 --> 01:10:15,809
You know, and then start
going to that regularly.
1208
01:10:15,909 --> 01:10:18,444
It's all very well, but if
you gotta join and all that--
1209
01:10:18,544 --> 01:10:23,282
Mmm, yes, the membership can
be very high on some of that.
1210
01:10:23,382 --> 01:10:25,218
It's too clique-y in this place.
1211
01:10:25,318 --> 01:10:28,487
You know, you're sort of,
either in a little group,
1212
01:10:28,587 --> 01:10:29,956
or you're not, sort
of thing, you know?
1213
01:10:30,056 --> 01:10:30,890
I know what you mean.
1214
01:10:30,990 --> 01:10:31,858
Yes, it's very
different though.
1215
01:10:31,958 --> 01:10:33,126
A few months since I came in.
1216
01:10:33,226 --> 01:10:35,862
For any newcomers,
that's for certain.
1217
01:10:35,962 --> 01:10:40,066
As I say, It's-- oh it's
just-- it's not like it was.
1218
01:10:40,166 --> 01:10:42,501
It used to be good,
when it first opened,
1219
01:10:42,601 --> 01:10:44,437
but um, it's gone flat now.
1220
01:10:44,537 --> 01:10:45,404
Yeah.
1221
01:10:45,504 --> 01:10:47,707
How about one cup of--
1222
01:10:47,807 --> 01:10:49,108
Why, why so early?
1223
01:10:49,208 --> 01:10:51,010
It goes on til 3
o'clock in the morning.
1224
01:10:51,110 --> 01:10:51,978
It's so late.
1225
01:10:52,078 --> 01:10:53,847
I can't be bothered with it.
1226
01:11:00,887 --> 01:11:01,788
Is this your room?
1227
01:11:49,803 --> 01:11:52,205
[heavy breathing]
1228
01:11:55,975 --> 01:11:56,675
Come on.
1229
01:11:56,776 --> 01:11:57,676
Suck me.
1230
01:12:15,261 --> 01:12:16,162
Come on.
1231
01:12:16,262 --> 01:12:18,631
Now let's fuck.
1232
01:12:18,731 --> 01:12:19,632
No.
1233
01:12:19,732 --> 01:12:20,633
Come on.
1234
01:12:20,733 --> 01:12:23,636
No.
1235
01:12:23,736 --> 01:12:24,871
Come on.
1236
01:12:24,971 --> 01:12:25,671
Yes.
1237
01:12:25,771 --> 01:12:27,874
Got to get your ass.
1238
01:12:27,974 --> 01:12:29,375
Come on.
1239
01:12:29,475 --> 01:12:32,345
[grunt]
1240
01:12:32,445 --> 01:12:33,847
Come on.
1241
01:12:33,947 --> 01:12:36,049
Come on.
1242
01:12:36,149 --> 01:12:36,850
No.
1243
01:12:45,391 --> 01:12:46,292
Come on.
1244
01:12:46,392 --> 01:12:48,794
No.
1245
01:12:48,895 --> 01:12:49,795
What's wrong with you?
1246
01:12:49,896 --> 01:12:50,596
No.
1247
01:12:58,337 --> 01:12:59,738
I think I better go.
1248
01:13:12,351 --> 01:13:13,486
RON PECK: When we
cut it together,
1249
01:13:13,586 --> 01:13:16,856
we found that we had
a 3 and 1/2 hour film.
1250
01:13:16,956 --> 01:13:21,094
Whole sections and
characters had to go,
1251
01:13:21,194 --> 01:13:23,696
but there were loyalties
which meant something.
1252
01:13:23,796 --> 01:13:25,364
There were people
who had supported us
1253
01:13:25,464 --> 01:13:27,066
through thick and
thin and had finally
1254
01:13:27,166 --> 01:13:29,102
done their piece on film.
1255
01:13:29,202 --> 01:13:31,104
Cut them?
1256
01:13:31,204 --> 01:13:34,207
But sometimes, they were
nervous in front of the camera.
1257
01:13:34,307 --> 01:13:36,575
It made them vulnerable
on screen in a way
1258
01:13:36,675 --> 01:13:38,111
they weren't in life.
1259
01:13:38,211 --> 01:13:40,546
A certain vitality was lost.
1260
01:13:40,646 --> 01:13:42,748
It compounded a downbeatness.
1261
01:13:42,848 --> 01:13:45,151
And that became a
serious problem,
1262
01:13:45,251 --> 01:13:48,154
and not what we'd
intended at all.
1263
01:13:48,254 --> 01:13:51,557
We had to ask ourselves
a fundamental question.
1264
01:13:51,657 --> 01:13:54,928
What kind of picture of gay
life were we putting across?
1265
01:13:55,028 --> 01:13:56,362
Was it positive?
1266
01:13:56,462 --> 01:13:57,796
Was it negative?
1267
01:13:57,897 --> 01:13:59,865
Was it truthful?
1268
01:13:59,966 --> 01:14:02,401
What effect was
it going to have?
1269
01:14:02,501 --> 01:14:04,103
If this was going
to be the first film
1270
01:14:04,203 --> 01:14:06,039
about a gay character
for several years,
1271
01:14:06,139 --> 01:14:09,875
then that was an
important question.
1272
01:14:09,976 --> 01:14:12,145
This would be so lively
if people like you
1273
01:14:12,245 --> 01:14:14,347
and me weren't here.
1274
01:14:14,447 --> 01:14:17,416
A living anodyne commercial.
1275
01:14:17,516 --> 01:14:20,386
Oh, excuse me, I didn't
know you were alive.
1276
01:14:20,486 --> 01:14:22,989
Friends can me so much
in the homosexual world,
1277
01:14:23,089 --> 01:14:25,124
don't you think?
1278
01:14:25,224 --> 01:14:26,559
Don't you think?
1279
01:14:26,659 --> 01:14:27,360
What?
1280
01:14:27,460 --> 01:14:29,628
Anything?
1281
01:14:29,728 --> 01:14:30,663
About what?
1282
01:14:30,763 --> 01:14:31,630
About anything?
1283
01:14:34,567 --> 01:14:37,336
Yeah.
1284
01:14:37,436 --> 01:14:40,606
Honestly not about me.
1285
01:14:40,706 --> 01:14:42,108
Something's preying
on your mind.
1286
01:14:44,810 --> 01:14:45,511
Mmm.
1287
01:14:45,611 --> 01:14:48,447
Mmm.
1288
01:14:48,547 --> 01:14:50,283
Well, let me take a guess.
1289
01:14:50,383 --> 01:14:51,084
It's not a woman.
1290
01:14:53,452 --> 01:14:54,153
Right.
1291
01:14:54,253 --> 01:14:55,688
Yes.
1292
01:14:55,788 --> 01:14:58,491
Well, that leaves
your mother out.
1293
01:14:58,591 --> 01:15:03,262
Um, bigger than a bread box?
1294
01:15:03,362 --> 01:15:05,598
Animal, vegetable, or mineral?
1295
01:15:05,698 --> 01:15:06,532
Animal.
1296
01:15:06,632 --> 01:15:08,767
Right, male of the species.
1297
01:15:08,867 --> 01:15:09,568
Yeah.
1298
01:15:09,668 --> 01:15:11,204
He's here tonight.
1299
01:15:11,304 --> 01:15:12,071
No.
1300
01:15:12,171 --> 01:15:13,539
No.
1301
01:15:13,639 --> 01:15:16,775
Is he a regular?
1302
01:15:16,875 --> 01:15:17,576
Yeah.
1303
01:15:20,513 --> 01:15:22,948
I'm the manager of this
place, maybe I know him.
1304
01:15:23,049 --> 01:15:23,749
Maybe you do.
1305
01:15:23,849 --> 01:15:26,185
I know all the regulars.
1306
01:15:26,285 --> 01:15:29,155
They think of me as a
prune, keeping them regular.
1307
01:15:32,425 --> 01:15:33,292
What's he called?
1308
01:15:37,063 --> 01:15:38,531
Peter.
1309
01:15:38,631 --> 01:15:39,598
Peter.
1310
01:15:39,698 --> 01:15:45,804
Well that narrows it
down to about 4,376.
1311
01:15:45,904 --> 01:15:48,807
RON PECK: In the end, we worked
from the best of what we had.
1312
01:15:48,907 --> 01:15:51,010
And getting the film
to work dramatically
1313
01:15:51,110 --> 01:15:54,280
became the main criterion
behind the cutting,
1314
01:15:54,380 --> 01:15:57,650
because the most positive
signal this film could send
1315
01:15:57,750 --> 01:16:00,919
was that this man was prepared
to stand up for himself,
1316
01:16:01,020 --> 01:16:05,824
and come out, and begin
to make an issue of it.
1317
01:16:05,924 --> 01:16:10,529
In 1978, the film was
shown on German television,
1318
01:16:10,629 --> 01:16:12,465
but it wasn't until
the following year
1319
01:16:12,565 --> 01:16:16,569
that it opened in the
cinema in Britain.
1320
01:16:16,669 --> 01:16:20,573
To see the poster of two
gay men all over London,
1321
01:16:20,673 --> 01:16:21,640
that meant something.
1322
01:16:28,847 --> 01:16:30,883
Once the film was
public property,
1323
01:16:30,983 --> 01:16:34,120
the discussion continued in
cinemas around the world,
1324
01:16:34,220 --> 01:16:37,356
in the columns of
magazines and newspapers.
1325
01:16:37,456 --> 01:16:39,925
And the response varied
from total condemnation
1326
01:16:40,025 --> 01:16:40,759
to celebration.
1327
01:16:50,269 --> 01:16:53,206
But above all, it got
people talking and arguing,
1328
01:16:53,306 --> 01:16:56,942
about the film and
beyond the film.
1329
01:16:57,042 --> 01:16:59,478
It was a turmoil of
reaction, that was
1330
01:16:59,578 --> 01:17:00,679
exhilarating and exhausting.
1331
01:17:25,804 --> 01:17:28,073
But the film was late.
1332
01:17:28,174 --> 01:17:33,011
What had started in 1974 took
five years to reach the screen.
1333
01:17:33,112 --> 01:17:35,514
The gay world had
changed in that time,
1334
01:17:35,614 --> 01:17:39,285
the political field was bigger,
the commercial gay world
1335
01:17:39,385 --> 01:17:40,753
was exploding.
1336
01:17:40,853 --> 01:17:42,455
Clubs like the
Catacombs were already
1337
01:17:42,555 --> 01:17:45,424
closing and being
displaced by vast ultra
1338
01:17:45,524 --> 01:17:56,269
discos that held 2,000 people.
1339
01:17:56,369 --> 01:17:58,637
The film created the
possibility of travel,
1340
01:17:58,737 --> 01:18:00,806
and that travel
opened up even further
1341
01:18:00,906 --> 01:18:03,842
the scale of the gay world.
1342
01:18:03,942 --> 01:18:05,211
I finally got to America.
1343
01:18:22,428 --> 01:18:24,397
It was at that time
that gays in California
1344
01:18:24,497 --> 01:18:27,266
had organized against
Proposition 6,
1345
01:18:27,366 --> 01:18:30,203
a piece of legislation
intended to bar gays
1346
01:18:30,303 --> 01:18:32,671
from the teaching profession.
1347
01:18:32,771 --> 01:18:35,741
I was staggered by the forces
being vocalized against it,
1348
01:18:35,841 --> 01:18:40,145
the scale of the organization,
the energy and enthusiasm
1349
01:18:40,246 --> 01:18:42,281
and positiveness.
1350
01:18:42,381 --> 01:18:46,051
I delayed my return home, to
find out what would happen.
1351
01:18:46,151 --> 01:18:49,622
The proposition was
defeated, overwhelmingly.
1352
01:18:49,722 --> 01:18:53,526
And that night, I joined
thousands of gay men and women
1353
01:18:53,626 --> 01:18:54,893
and danced in the streets.
1354
01:18:54,993 --> 01:18:58,497
The following year, I would
return again, and join a march
1355
01:18:58,597 --> 01:19:01,467
of 4,000 gays down
Market Street,
1356
01:19:01,567 --> 01:19:05,070
celebrating their existence,
demanding their rights.
1357
01:19:05,170 --> 01:19:07,540
Anything seemed possible here.
1358
01:19:31,830 --> 01:19:33,766
I came back to
Britain as many did,
1359
01:19:33,866 --> 01:19:35,167
with a confidence
that things could
1360
01:19:35,268 --> 01:19:39,772
be changed, with energy, with
a sense of pride in being gay.
1361
01:19:39,872 --> 01:19:40,973
I would play my part.
1362
01:19:41,073 --> 01:19:43,776
I would go on making
films about gay characters
1363
01:19:43,876 --> 01:19:46,645
from different walks of life.
1364
01:19:46,745 --> 01:19:50,883
I took "Nighthawks" to the BBC
and was told it was amateur,
1365
01:19:50,983 --> 01:19:53,752
of no interest whatsoever.
1366
01:19:53,852 --> 01:19:55,421
I wrote another
script with Paul,
1367
01:19:55,521 --> 01:19:59,725
but was told, for God's
sake, you've made gay film.
1368
01:19:59,825 --> 01:20:01,627
But commercial
television took a chance
1369
01:20:01,727 --> 01:20:05,264
and made a series called
"Gay Life" and that generated
1370
01:20:05,364 --> 01:20:07,533
its own controversies.
1371
01:20:07,633 --> 01:20:10,336
Not everybody could
find themselves in it.
1372
01:20:10,436 --> 01:20:13,339
They saw representations
they did like.
1373
01:20:13,439 --> 01:20:15,541
For some, it was
clones, drag queens,
1374
01:20:15,641 --> 01:20:18,677
prostitutes, diesel dykes.
1375
01:20:18,777 --> 01:20:20,245
It was clear now.
1376
01:20:20,346 --> 01:20:23,449
No single character
could stand for everyone.
1377
01:20:23,549 --> 01:20:27,620
It was too big and
diverse a world
1378
01:20:27,720 --> 01:20:31,123
But there was a feeling here in
the late '70s, of coalitions,
1379
01:20:31,223 --> 01:20:34,059
support, more and
more interest groups.
1380
01:20:34,159 --> 01:20:35,361
And I mean the
feel of the thing,
1381
01:20:35,461 --> 01:20:38,364
not necessarily how
it really happened.
1382
01:20:38,464 --> 01:20:40,866
There was the GLC which
stood up for all of us,
1383
01:20:40,966 --> 01:20:43,469
and recognized our rights
as part of a rainbow
1384
01:20:43,569 --> 01:20:46,038
coalition, American- style.
1385
01:20:46,138 --> 01:20:48,273
If we couldn't
produce a Harvey Milk,
1386
01:20:48,374 --> 01:20:50,108
well, Ken Livingston would do.
1387
01:20:57,616 --> 01:21:00,419
Channel 4 took to the air,
which promised to be the GLC
1388
01:21:00,519 --> 01:21:02,788
of the television airwaves.
1389
01:21:02,888 --> 01:21:07,192
And it bought "Sebastian" and
"Nighthawks" for transmission.
1390
01:21:07,292 --> 01:21:10,228
The press jumped on it.
1391
01:21:10,329 --> 01:21:12,365
And that night, the
phone that started
1392
01:21:12,465 --> 01:21:15,267
ringing in my parents'
house when I was 14,
1393
01:21:15,368 --> 01:21:17,470
started ringing again.
1394
01:21:17,570 --> 01:21:20,473
Grown men this time,
threatening and obscene
1395
01:21:20,573 --> 01:21:23,275
enough for me to move out
of the house for the night.
1396
01:21:28,781 --> 01:21:30,983
Britain had changed.
1397
01:21:31,083 --> 01:21:33,486
The year "Nighthawks" came
out, Margaret Thatcher
1398
01:21:33,586 --> 01:21:36,855
and her conservative
government came in.
1399
01:21:36,955 --> 01:21:39,758
There was an immediate
backlash against the '60s
1400
01:21:39,858 --> 01:21:42,661
and the beginnings of the
dismantling of all that
1401
01:21:42,761 --> 01:21:47,099
supported counter-cultural
activities The GLC was
1402
01:21:47,199 --> 01:21:49,234
one of the first to go.
1403
01:21:49,334 --> 01:21:50,669
Book shops were raided.
1404
01:21:50,769 --> 01:21:53,472
A theater director put on trial.
1405
01:21:53,572 --> 01:21:57,443
So many civil liberties
came under attack.
1406
01:21:57,543 --> 01:22:01,246
Government ministers talked
of "the enemy within"
1407
01:22:01,346 --> 01:22:05,083
and the Battle of Britain
was played out again.
1408
01:22:05,183 --> 01:22:08,754
It reached its climax in
the glorification of carnage
1409
01:22:08,854 --> 01:22:10,723
in the Falklands.
1410
01:22:10,823 --> 01:22:14,593
The sinking of the Belgrano
And the killing of the Argies
1411
01:22:14,693 --> 01:22:16,395
was celebrated by
those same newspapers
1412
01:22:16,495 --> 01:22:21,133
and political figures who
attacked all things gay.
1413
01:22:21,233 --> 01:22:24,202
The very people who wanted
to imprison two men kissing
1414
01:22:24,302 --> 01:22:28,006
in the street, cheered
as the British bayonets
1415
01:22:28,106 --> 01:22:32,110
were plunged into the chests
of Argentinian youths.
1416
01:22:32,210 --> 01:22:38,383
"Make love, not war" had
become "Make war, not love."
1417
01:22:38,484 --> 01:22:41,286
The ancient Greeks were
struck off the school syllabus
1418
01:22:41,386 --> 01:22:45,257
but the Boer War is now
compulsory education.
1419
01:22:45,357 --> 01:22:49,728
And clause 28 forbids teachers
talking about homosexuality
1420
01:22:49,828 --> 01:22:53,131
with any enthusiasm.
1421
01:22:53,231 --> 01:22:55,434
All this, and AIDS.
1422
01:23:02,274 --> 01:23:04,577
Even God, some were
pleased to say,
1423
01:23:04,677 --> 01:23:07,746
was putting the boot in and
visiting the plague upon us.
1424
01:23:07,846 --> 01:23:12,618
San Francisco and Los Angeles
were now Sodom and Gomorrah.
1425
01:23:12,718 --> 01:23:15,187
A friend called
recently from California
1426
01:23:15,287 --> 01:23:18,056
and told me he'd lost
half his friends to it.
1427
01:23:18,156 --> 01:23:22,561
Not long ago, I lost
another friend myself.
1428
01:23:22,661 --> 01:23:25,731
No one knew at first
where AIDS came from,
1429
01:23:25,831 --> 01:23:27,365
whether they were carrying it.
1430
01:23:27,466 --> 01:23:30,368
For a long time, how you got it.
1431
01:23:30,469 --> 01:23:35,908
But it was incurable, fatal,
and it seemed to be gay.
1432
01:23:36,008 --> 01:23:39,144
Across the media,
gay now equaled AIDS.
1433
01:23:39,244 --> 01:23:41,614
And many a journalist
had a Roman holiday
1434
01:23:41,714 --> 01:23:45,183
at the expense of those
dying in the hospitals.
1435
01:23:45,283 --> 01:23:48,420
On TV screens, it meant a
parade of men being interviewed,
1436
01:23:48,521 --> 01:23:51,023
filmed at home, filmed
dying, struggling
1437
01:23:51,123 --> 01:23:53,659
with experimental
drugs and therapies,
1438
01:23:53,759 --> 01:23:56,028
but supported by
friends and families,
1439
01:23:56,128 --> 01:23:59,231
organizing campaigning,
politicking for funds
1440
01:23:59,331 --> 01:24:01,133
to find a cure.
1441
01:24:01,233 --> 01:24:04,169
We saw gay doctors and
medics, professional men,
1442
01:24:04,269 --> 01:24:06,839
counselors, support groups.
1443
01:24:06,939 --> 01:24:09,374
We saw brave men,
grieving lovers,
1444
01:24:09,474 --> 01:24:12,678
friends, ordinary people.
1445
01:24:12,778 --> 01:24:15,881
Every aspect of our sexual
lives became open to discussion,
1446
01:24:15,981 --> 01:24:18,016
and then, all
sexual lives, for it
1447
01:24:18,116 --> 01:24:20,919
was no longer homosexuality
per say, but certain
1448
01:24:21,019 --> 01:24:25,123
practices that we're not
necessarily homosexual at all.
1449
01:24:25,223 --> 01:24:27,025
Everyone was being addressed.
1450
01:24:27,125 --> 01:24:29,094
There were hoardings
in the streets.
1451
01:24:29,194 --> 01:24:31,664
A leaflet went through
every letterbox in Britain.
1452
01:24:31,764 --> 01:24:33,999
It was no longer
unusual to see openly
1453
01:24:34,099 --> 01:24:36,001
gay people on television.
1454
01:24:36,101 --> 01:24:38,403
And the wonder was, that
even under such stress,
1455
01:24:38,503 --> 01:24:42,074
they no longer look like to
Dirk Bogarde in "Victim."
1456
01:24:42,174 --> 01:24:44,042
There was no longer
one face to find
1457
01:24:44,142 --> 01:24:48,781
your identity in, but
hundreds of faces, thousands.
1458
01:24:48,881 --> 01:24:52,150
And one of them was Rock Hudson.
1459
01:24:52,250 --> 01:24:55,420
who might have posed in any
muscle magazine in his youth,
1460
01:24:55,520 --> 01:24:57,556
and now, dying of AIDS.
1461
01:24:57,656 --> 01:24:59,124
Had the public
support and friendship
1462
01:24:59,224 --> 01:25:04,429
of Ronald Reagan, then, the
most powerful man in the world.
1463
01:25:04,529 --> 01:25:06,198
Something had held.
1464
01:25:06,298 --> 01:25:08,366
Something strong.
1465
01:25:08,466 --> 01:25:10,836
In the face of a threat we
could never have imagined,
1466
01:25:10,936 --> 01:25:15,507
self-affirmation stood
firm, impressively.
1467
01:25:15,608 --> 01:25:17,409
This time wasn't
just a law, a bunch
1468
01:25:17,509 --> 01:25:20,779
of bigots, a yellow journalist
that had to be dealt with.
1469
01:25:20,879 --> 01:25:25,383
It was mortality
itself, faced squarely.
1470
01:25:25,483 --> 01:25:27,352
And perhaps it resolved
us to try harder
1471
01:25:27,452 --> 01:25:29,688
to do something with our lives.
1472
01:25:29,788 --> 01:25:33,025
Life itself, every second of
it, became something to value,
1473
01:25:33,125 --> 01:25:36,294
and look after, and
fight for, and defend.
1474
01:25:36,394 --> 01:25:38,664
And what I begin to
see on television now,
1475
01:25:38,764 --> 01:25:40,933
and to read about in some
of the national newspapers
1476
01:25:41,033 --> 01:25:44,202
and magazines, are gay people
talking about much more
1477
01:25:44,302 --> 01:25:47,673
than AIDS, taking through
AIDS, fighting off
1478
01:25:47,773 --> 01:25:50,208
the silence with
more and more stories
1479
01:25:50,308 --> 01:25:53,612
of their lives, our lives.
1480
01:25:53,712 --> 01:25:56,281
Struggling with their paintings,
their films, their books,
1481
01:25:56,381 --> 01:25:58,283
with political committees,
with the courts,
1482
01:25:58,383 --> 01:26:01,119
talking about everything.
1483
01:26:01,219 --> 01:26:04,022
So that in one sense,
talking about being gay
1484
01:26:04,122 --> 01:26:06,058
is no longer the issue.
1485
01:26:06,158 --> 01:26:06,992
It's integrating.
1486
01:26:07,092 --> 01:26:08,560
It's sinking in.
1487
01:26:08,661 --> 01:26:11,363
Perhaps we could begin to see
the day when we can get it out
1488
01:26:11,463 --> 01:26:13,766
of the way as something
to fight about,
1489
01:26:13,866 --> 01:26:16,468
when we can turn our
energies elsewhere,
1490
01:26:16,568 --> 01:26:18,103
and celebrate childhood's end.
1491
01:26:33,819 --> 01:26:37,522
I wonder about a boy who's
just turned 14 today.
1492
01:26:37,622 --> 01:26:41,259
He falls in love with a
boy in the year above,
1493
01:26:41,359 --> 01:26:45,263
who might follow him home
one summer's afternoon.
1494
01:26:45,363 --> 01:26:47,700
I think he could experience
things exactly as I
1495
01:26:47,800 --> 01:26:50,969
experienced them 28 years ago.
1496
01:26:51,069 --> 01:26:53,071
He might see a gay
paper on the news stand,
1497
01:26:53,171 --> 01:26:56,041
and have all the fears
that I had buying it.
1498
01:26:56,141 --> 01:26:58,443
He'd be embarrassed
at the small ads.
1499
01:26:58,543 --> 01:27:02,715
He wouldn't be able to show his
parents or take it to school.
1500
01:27:02,815 --> 01:27:06,084
But I think he would know
that there were many like him,
1501
01:27:06,184 --> 01:27:07,986
that there were men
he could admire,
1502
01:27:08,086 --> 01:27:10,723
men he could identify with.
1503
01:27:10,823 --> 01:27:14,192
He would know there was a world
he could enter, without shame.
1504
01:27:14,292 --> 01:27:17,662
But he would have
to play safely now.
1505
01:27:17,763 --> 01:27:20,365
He might have to bide
his time through school.
1506
01:27:20,465 --> 01:27:22,267
He might have to leave
the place he was born
1507
01:27:22,367 --> 01:27:24,569
and move into the city.
1508
01:27:24,669 --> 01:27:29,708
But city connects with
city, country with country.
1509
01:27:29,808 --> 01:27:32,778
Customs officials can be
bypassed by bouncing messages
1510
01:27:32,878 --> 01:27:34,947
across the world by satellite.
1511
01:27:35,047 --> 01:27:39,584
The walls are breaking down,
and the world is becoming one.
1512
01:27:39,684 --> 01:27:43,088
Time is on his side.
1513
01:27:43,188 --> 01:27:44,389
The world has a
great responsibility
1514
01:27:44,489 --> 01:27:47,726
to make him welcome.
1515
01:27:47,826 --> 01:27:49,627
Help him through it.
1516
01:27:49,728 --> 01:27:51,529
Give him confidence.
1517
01:27:51,629 --> 01:27:54,032
Don't break him down
with dismissive looks.
1518
01:27:54,132 --> 01:27:55,734
Don't leave him
alone in the corner,
1519
01:27:55,834 --> 01:27:57,602
unless he wants to be alone.
1520
01:27:57,702 --> 01:27:58,570
Buy him a drink.
1521
01:27:58,670 --> 01:27:59,504
Dance with him.
1522
01:27:59,604 --> 01:28:00,806
Show him around.
1523
01:28:00,906 --> 01:28:03,241
Love him and cherish him.
1524
01:28:03,341 --> 01:28:06,478
Don't wait until he's dying
before you show him compassion.
1525
01:28:06,578 --> 01:28:11,483
Light up his history, his
culture, and fight for him.
1526
01:28:11,583 --> 01:28:14,753
And by him, I mean
that impulse to feel
1527
01:28:14,853 --> 01:28:16,621
something for your own sex.
1528
01:28:16,721 --> 01:28:19,524
That hated, buried, and
twisted, turns itself
1529
01:28:19,624 --> 01:28:21,693
into a thrusting of bayonets,
the crushing of bodies
1530
01:28:21,794 --> 01:28:26,298
under tanks the world over.
1531
01:28:26,398 --> 01:28:28,934
Let him go out into the
world, confident of who
1532
01:28:29,034 --> 01:28:33,972
he is, sure of himself, with
the best shot at openness.
1533
01:29:00,532 --> 01:29:04,436
[music playing]
115908
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